#where you can see what lucy did that had kate mad at her in the other gifset

[billpottsismygf]

73 Yards

I have slightly mixed feelings on this one, but what it did well it did brilliantly. The episode was beautifully shot with a fantastically creepy atmosphere throughout. The Welsh landscape, the close shots, the out of focus semper distans, the mystery of what was being said. Millie Gibson's performance throughout was stellar and this is the most invested I've felt in her character so far. I did miss Ncuti's presence somewhat, but it says a lot that she was able to carry the episode on her own and I do love when the format gets shaken up occasionally and we get a Doctor-lite episode.

I loved Kate's brief appearance and the way it sold the fact that this was a very serious situation. You think UNIT might be able to help here, but Ruby is once again left alone. The themes of abandonment in this one were incredibly potent and really tie into the themes of the series. Unsurprisingly, one of the most effective and upsetting parts of the episode was Ruby's mum also being affected by the mysterious woman. Her anguished screams for her mum were really quite harrowing, as was that awful comment about her birth mother not wanting her.

It also got far darker than I would expect in a Doctor Who episode. The far-right politician and the threat of nuclear war was plenty, but what was done to Marti was absolutely chilling, as was Ruby's apology for not doing anything. It gets away with it because it's all through implication, but that almost makes it more hard hitting. You don't always need to see the monster in action to know what it's doing. It also reminds me of my much younger self not picking up on the Master beating Lucy Saxon until I was a teenager.

The way time began to speed along was actually quite shocking to begin with - I actually gasped when we saw the 25th birthday cards - and it kept bringing to mind various other episodes where companions have been abandoned either in the real world or another timeline/reality, especially things like The Girl Who Waited, Turn Left, Forest of the Dead, The Lie of the Land, World Enough and Time etc. That things get undone at the end was again a little reminiscent of a few of them, but this is also where we come to my criticisms of the episode, because - while I loved the experience of watching it - the ending feels tacked on in a way that is very unsatisfying.

There were a number of things that just never get explained. For a minor example, why did the Doctor disappear? Disturbing the fairy circle released Mad Jack (I'll come onto him) and also made the Doctor disappear? And also made the TARDIS lock in a way that couldn't be opened with Ruby's key? I'm not as bothered by this as the below, but it feels messy and like an attempt to do a Turn Left without an actual reason for the Doctor to be gone.

A bigger gripe is Ruby being the following lady. That on its own would have been fine, but that combined with other elements just frustrates me. Mainly, if the following lady was Ruby, what is it she says to get people to run away? I don't mind things being left to the imagination - for instance, I quite like that we don't get an explanation for why she has to be 73 yards away; I can infer that that's got something to do with the fairy circle - but it appears that whatever she says specifically makes people think there's something horrifying about Ruby.

What could Old Ruby possibly say to that end and why would she? And why would the same thing make a Prime Minister resign? If we had never found out who she was, I would have been perfectly happy to infer that she was a force of some kind that drives people mad, but it's Ruby! Knowing who she is but not what she does or how or why she does it is the worst way round. I want to know neither or both, or possibly the latter but not the former, but this way round just frustrates me.

On that note, the friend I was watching with pointed out that, as she was dying, elderly Ruby had very short hair and suddenly has long hair when she becomes the semper distans lady. A small detail, perhaps, but one that further muddles the conclusion. Why did her hair change? Where did the coat come from? It's a different actress as well and, even at that distance, you can kind of tell. Did Old Ruby just end up embodying an existing spirit to do with the fairy circle? If so, I would have liked that to be a lot clearer. If not, why does she look so different?

Okay, so, Mad Jack. Who or what is Mad Jack? Is he a spirit of some kind that possesses Roger ap Gwilliam? Was he always Roger ap Gwilliam? Does Roger ap Gwilliam exist without him? If Roger ap Gwilliam does not exist without Mad Jack, how come the Doctor still mentions him? If Roger ap Gwilliam does exist without Mad Jack, what is changed by the Doctor stepping on the fairy circle?

In the version of the timeline we end up on (where the Doctor doesn't step in the fairy circle but Roger ap Gwilliam is still mentioned by him as a dangerous Prime Minister), here are a few possibilities and why they don't work for me:

Does he still become Prime Minister and get taken down another way? Perhaps, but it's not like Turn Left where we know the problems would have been stopped by the Doctor (who's not here). Without Ruby's infiltration and semper distans lady, what stops him? And why was that not able to stop him in the timeline we witnessed?

Is he less dangerous? The second time around of the opening conversation we don't get the line about the brink of nuclear war, though only because Ruby interrupts him to point out the woman, but maybe we can infer that this time he's a dangerous Prime Minister but not that dangerous? That seems quite weak and unclear, though, and seems to disregard the horror of the Marti stuff.

Does the timeline only change after the Doctor's comments about him being a dangerous Prime Minister? He does say that before stepping (or not stepping) in the fairy circle both times. I might be happy to assume that Roger ap Gwilliam never comes to power after that diverging moment has passed, except that things have already changed before the Doctor mentions him because Ruby says she's been to Wales three times. Maybe they've changed a bit but not enough until the moment she stops him from stepping on it, but that is not at all clear.

If it's any of these (or none of them), that's really confusing! It's just so messy and unclear. It would have been a simple fix, too! Keep everything the same and just add in a line as they're walking away at the end along the lines of "thank goodness he never got into power; people never found him that convincing". That would have clarified a) things have changed since a few seconds ago b) that Mad Jack is what allowed him to get to power and c) in this timeline, that won't happen and Ruby won't need to stop him.

Despite all my complaints, I did really love watching this episode. It's just so carelessly wrapped up, as if they didn't think about the implications of the otherwise very well told story. I'll be interested to rewatch it and see if my complaints bother me more or less on second viewing. I really want to love this episode because there were so many fantastic elements, but it just makes all the inconsistencies and loose threads and muddled logic particularly frustrating because they were only another draft or two away from being solved.

Misc small things

No theme tune! I feel robbed! Maybe it was meant to be part of the vibe that we're not in the usual timeline, but come on. It could easily have been slotted in when she left the TARDIS the first time or before she got to the pub!

Other episodes I thought of: Extremis with warning other versions of yourself; The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood with waving at future versions of yourself that disappear when things change; Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS with weird timelines and future selves and things being undone; Last Christmas with the companion becoming elderly; Turn Left for the vibes of "there's something on your back"; Under the Lake/Before the Flood with a silent message, since it looked like the woman was trying to sign things to Ruby; and The Sound of Drums/Last of the Timelords with the triple whammy of the companion having to 1) set off on their own to 2) take down a prime minister and 3) have time reverse.

It's also got a good old bootsrap paradox in it, which doesn't bother me in the way of the above complaints, but for the sake of completionism: How was Ruby warned about the future when that future hasn't happened? Would have loved Twelve to briefly pop his head in and explain it for us.

It's interesting that the snow stopped throughout this version of her life. It also seemed to snow while she was on her way to the pub.

Kate's comment about how "this timeline might be suspended along your event" was interesting and I wonder if it connects with the snow stopping.

For the first time I actually recognised Susan Twist when she appeared, but I'm not sure I would have done without Ruby realising she recognised her. I liked that! It felt very Boom Town and recognising Bad Wolf coming up again.

There was a little cameo from Mrs Flood.

[sea-owl]

Someone asked me about the story of how Michael and Sophie ended up in jail in the Spouses Friend Group Au. I don’t got the brain power right now for a full scene but have a look into the group chat. Side note this would happen before Gareth and Lucy joined the group. 

Here’s for those that need a reference this is the post and here’s the first post that started this au. 

Lady of Secrets: Hey Simon, we might need some bail money, and a lawyer.

Lily Mama: BAIL MONEY?! 

Lily Mama: LAWYER?! 

Lily Mama: WHOSE IN JAIL?!?!?!?!

Lady of Secrets: Sophie and Michael, they got charged with disturbing the peace

Duke of Uncledom: 🙄😓...how much?

Plant Nerd: I understand Michael but how did Sophie end up in jail?

Lady of Secrets: Drunk Sophie apparently likes to pickpocket. 

Lily Mama: Shit 😳

Lily Mama: I thought she stopped that

Duke of Uncledom: No, Phillip and I have just redirected her to pickpocket one of us. Penelope how much money do you need? 

Lady of Secrets: 🤔

Lady of Secrets: Now that you say Simon that guy was about your height and build

Lady of Secrets: But anyway when the dude realized Sophie had his stuff he got in her face demanding it back. Michael saw that and immediately swung on him. After that it was a free for all. 

Duke of Uncledom: I’m surprised they just got charged with disturbing the peace.

Lady of Secrets: Guy was too embarrassed to admit Sophie pickpocketed him and because Michael only hit him in Sophie’s defense they gave them lesser charges. 

Plant Nerd: Pen you were supposed to keep an eye on Michael tonight, where were you?

Lady of Secrets: . . .

Plant Nerd: Penelope. . .🤨

Lady of Secrets: . . .

Lily Mama: Penelope Anne Featherington 😡

Lady of Secrets: 😳

Lady of Secrets: I may or may not have gotten into a verbal disagreement with a different guy across the bar

Plant Nerd: You cussed somebody out again? 

Plant Nerd: Did he deserve it? 👀

Lady of Secrets: Yes 😤

Plant Nerd: You’re off the hook

Lady of Secrets: 😮‍💨

Duke of Uncledom: I’m leaving the office now. Pen, I’ll be down there soon. 

Lady of Secrets: 👍

Lady of Secrets: You might want to hurry, Michael looks close to seducing the officer.

Plant Nerd: Of course he is . . .😑

Lily Mama: 😑

Duke of Uncledom: 😑

Lily Mama: Give them their phones back asap Simon. I have a few choice words to share with them. 😡

Duke of Uncledom: 🫡

“Is everything okay?” Anthony asked as Simon began to pack up his stuff. 

Simon sighed. “You know how you call your siblings your group of lovable dumbasses?”

“Yes,” Anthony said slowly, wondering where Simon was going with this. 

“Well two of my own lovable idiots apparently decided to start a bar fight last night and are currently sitting in a cell. The third is with them, how she didn’t get  arrested too I don’t know. All I know is I have to go get them now.”

Anthony looked startled. Simon mentioned his rag tag group of friends before, but he never thought Simon would actually do something like this for them. “Are they going to be okay?”

“Depends if Phillip can calm down Kate at all.” 

Duke of Uncledom: Okay Kate, I gave them back their phones

Lily Mama: SOPHIA MARIA BECKETT

Lily Mama: MICHAEL STUART STIRLING

Silver Lady: 😳

Casanova: 😱

Lily Mama: WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING?!?! A BAR FIGHT? OF ALL THE IDIOTIC THINGS YOU TWO COULD HAVE DONE YOU DO SOMETHING THAT COULD PUT BOTH YOUR BUSINESSES AT RISK?! THAT FORCED SIMON TO LEAVE WORK EARLY TO COME SAVE YOUR ASSES?!

Duke of Uncledom: I see Kate is still mad as hell

Plant Nerd: I tried

Casanova: I’m not sorry for hitting him! He did not need to get in Sophie’s face like that. 

Silver Lady: Also how come Penelope isn’t getting yelled at? She was there!

Lady of Secrets: Kate already yelled at me while Simon was doing your paperwork, and you two were thanking him. 

Lily Mama: Good, at least you thanked Simon

Lily Mama: Also Penelope didn’t start the fight, nor did she get arrested. You two on the other hand sobered up in jail. 

Lily Mama: Well, what do you two have to say for yourselves? 

Silver Lady: I’m sorry for drunk pickpocketing and starting a bar fight

Lily Mama: Michael 🤨

Casanova: I’m sorry for worrying you all, but I’m not sorry for hitting him.

Lily Mama: Good enough

Silve Lady: 🤨

Lady of Secrets: 🤨

Casanova: 🤨

Plant Nerd: 🤨

Duke of Uncledom: That was pretty tame Kate

Lily Mama: I figured I go easy since Mary saw what happened last night on the news and saw our idiots getting arrested in the background. Now she’s demanding we all come over for dinner. 

Duke of Uncledom: Oh, I was wondering why Auntie was commanding me to meet her at Marry’s house this evening. 

Silver Lady: Shit

Lady of Secrets: Shit

Casanova: Shit

Plant Nerd: Good luck, and don’t die. I don’t want to get new roommates. 

[puzzlekinq]

wait gimme more mitzi coded songs

cracks knuckles OKAY LETS GO

King of the World - First Aid Kit

"Well once you asked me, well what's my biggest fear? That things would always remain so unclear. That one day l'd wake up all alone with a big family, and emptiness sleeping in my bones. That I would be so blinded, turn into fear, and that my fake laugh would suddenly sound sincere."

This Old Routine - First Aid Kit

(this one reminds me of burt and mitzis relationship more than just mitzi herself, but still mitzi coded nonetheless!)

"So you come on home, walk through the door, she's in the kitchen searching through the drawers. So you stop and watch her and ask what she's looking for. She says she's not sure. Then it gets late and you turn off the lights, her body so close to you in the night. But you dare not touch her and you don't want to fight, so you just say, 'Goodnight.'"

"This old routine will drive you mad. It's just a mumble never spoken out loud. Sometimes you can't even recall the sound of his laughter. Oh well, did you ever really know the sound?"

She Had the World - Panic! At The Disco

"The sun was always in her eyes, she didn't even see me. But that girl had so much love, she'd wanna kiss you all the time, yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time. She said, she won the world at a carnival, but l'm sure it didn't ruin her, just made her more interesting."

I'd Have to Think About It - Leith Ross

(this one reminds me of mitzi and bennie)

"But if you come to me in my home with my three kids, if you asked me to leave, to be with you and split, well I'd at least jave to think about it. You never loved the same amount. You spent a week at my mother's house. And honest I can tell you now, I love you more than my future spouse."

"And if you come to me when I've promised to commit, if you told me that you loved me, and asked me for a kiss, well, l'd at least have to think about it."

not a lot, just forever - Adrianne Lenker

"I could be a good mother, and I wanna be your wife. So, I hold you to my knife, and I steal your letter. Not a lot, just forever. Intertwined, sewn together."

some honorable mentions: Oh to Be in Love - Kate Bush, Make Your Own Kind Of Music - Cass Elliot, Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) - Edison Lighthouse, Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky Me - Annette Funicello

[booasaur]

NCIS: Hawai’i (2021) - 1x01 - requested by anonymous

Bonus:

[feelingyourheartlines]

Reconciliation.

Just as Lucy was getting ready to head home, she caught a whiff of that familiar scent. She sighed quietly to herself and wished that her chair had a secret button she could press that would teleport her elsewhere.

“Lucy.”

“DIA Officer Whistler. I’m heading home. If this isn’t work-related, I don’t want to hear it,” said Lucy without looking up at Kate.  

“Just give me five minutes, and I’ll be out of your sight before you know it,” pleaded Kate.

“I think I’ve already heard enough.”

“Do I have to get injured for you to give me the time-of-day, Lucy?”

Lucy looked up at Kate incredulously.

“Don’t do that! Don’t guilt-trip me like that!” snapped Lucy.

“I’m sorry, Lucy. For everything. I know I haven’t technically apologized to you. I’m truly sorry. I really had no intention of hurting your feelings.”

“Then what was your intention, Whistler? You took control of whatever that was going on between us, so you could hide the fact that you had an unfinished business back home. You were dishonest right from the beginning. You had the gall to call me out for not getting to know you intimately when you couldn't even take the time to end things with Cara. If hurting me was not part of the plan, then what was? What am I missing here?”

Kate immediately looked down at her fingers and started to fiddle with her ring. While Lucy had every right to call her out again, the reminder of her own stupidity still stings. Kate wasn’t expecting Lucy to forgive her overnight, but the road to reconciliation seemed pretty bleak right now. Despite this setback, she knew better than to give up on Lucy because she could not imagine living in a world where Lucy wasn’t by her side.

Lucy didn’t wait for Kate to respond. She gathered her belongings and strolled past Kate, but she was stopped by Kate’s grasp on her hand.

Kate looked at Lucy intently and asked, “How can I fix this?”

Before pulling free of her grip, Lucy replied, “I don’t know, Whistler. What do you do when you can no longer trust the person you’re still in love with?”

A WEEK LATER

Ever heard of the saying “Be careful what you wish for”? Earlier last week, when Kate asked Lucy if she had to get hurt just to get Lucy's attention, she did not mean literally. Now fast-forward to a week later, and here she is, lying on her hospital bed, with her left arm slung in place. Even though the injury she sustained isn’t serious, the doctor still insists on keeping her overnight for observation. She’s just thankful that she didn’t injure her dominant hand during the altercation. The ibuprofen she took earlier to relieve the pain and swelling has already made her drowsy. Just as she’s dozing off, she hears a gentle knock on the door. The door opens, and she sees the silhouette of the woman she loves entering the room. The smile on Lucy's face is warm and kind.

“Hey,” says Lucy softly.

“Hey you,” replies Kate.

After closing the door, Lucy walks towards the bed and instead of collapsing in Kate’s arms, she stands at the foot of it and says, “Under a different circumstance I would have taken a jab at you, but since you saved my life, and to prove that I actually have a heart, I will not do that. I’m really glad you’re still alive because I want you to know that regardless of how mad I am at you, I will never wish harm on you. I also want to apologize for the way I treated you. I was hurt, but I had no right to hurt you back. It's painful to see you like this, and knowing that it was because of me makes it even worse.”

Kate smiles at Lucy as she reaches out for her hand. Lucy immediately moves towards her and grabs her hand as she sits next to her on the bed. “You shouldn’t have done that. You’re lucky it’s just a clavicle fracture.”

“But you’re here right now. I did get your attention after all,” replies Kate teasingly.

Lucy doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, she looks down, stroking Kate's fingers as tears stream down her face. Kate lifts Lucy's chin and wipes her tears away. “I did what I did because I cannot imagine my life without you in it. When Noah died, a part of me died too. I have lived my life with this huge hole in my heart for years until you came along. You were the only one who managed to fill that void. So, when you ended what we had – sorry I take that back, when I threw it all away, it felt like as though I would be living with that void forever.”

“But I was awful to you.”

“You’re still hurting, Luce. I understand. I might not have officially ended things with Cara, but it was over in my head. I thought the message was clear, but I guess I didn’t do a good job at ghosting her after all, since she assumed that she and I were still an item.”

Lucy lets out a chuckle.

“I can’t erase the past. But I can work towards being a better person for us both if you let me.”

“To be honest, there's still a part of me that's upset with you. If only I could snap out of it. It’s exhausting to be mad at the person I’m –”

“In love with?”

Lucy nods as she starts to tear up again.

Kate wipes the tears on Lucy’s face and says, “Just because I saved your life doesn't mean you will suddenly forgive me and stop being mad at me, Luce. You can't just snap out of your feelings. It doesn’t work that way. I didn't save your life just to have leverage over you. But I do hope that this is a start of our reconciliation journey. Because if it isn’t obvious already, I’m so in love with you Special Agent Lucy Tara. I will wait for you until you’re ready to try again, no matter how long it takes. It has always been you. And it will always be you.”

Lucy collapses on Kate’s chest and begins to sob. Kate gives Lucy a loving kiss and caresses her head until she stops sobbing. The last time she saw Lucy crying was when Lucy ended their story. She hasn’t seen Lucy cried ever since. Hence, it’s no surprise that she gets teary-eyed when she sees Lucy this emotional.

When Lucy's able to articulate her feelings, she tells Kate, “I thought I would never be able to trust you again. But today, I was reminded of how amazing you are as a person. You didn’t have to risk your life for me, but you did. So, thank you for that. I know that I have been hard on you. I know how unprofessional I was at work when you were around. If there was an award for the most petulant person on earth, I would have won. But Kate, just because a part of me is still upset over what happened, doesn’t mean I have not forgiven you. I just need to navigate this at my own pace. I hope you’re okay with that.”

“Thank you, Lucy. Your forgiveness means everything to me. Like I said earlier, I’m not going anywhere. We can do this at your pace.”

Lucy leans in and kisses Kate on her lips. Kate suddenly pulls away from Lucy and raises her eyebrow. “Did you call me by my first name just now?”

Lucy laughs and says, "Even though we still have a long way to go, I figured I'd call you Kate instead of your last name. Baby steps. If that’s okay with you.”

Kate pulls Lucy towards her and kisses her passionately. In between the kiss, Kate smiles and says, “I’m more than okay with that, Luce.”

[hatchetation]

HELLO IT'S ME AGAIN!

I've so many thoughts and I hope I'm able to express it here clearly. I love the episode. Petition to get Jan Nash to write every kacy scene!

Okay here it goes:

1) I hate that they're prolonging the angst, but I understand that it's only right for them not to rush the making up part because people don't get over that kind of hurt so easily. I'm not excusing Lucy's behaviour in any way; she should stop running from the pain and try to communicate with Kate. But like Ernie mentioned, love is pain. And the only reason she's hiding is because it hurts too much to be in the same space as Whistler. That says a lot. She still loves Kate. She desperately wants to not be mad at her anymore. But it's not that easy, isn't it? Especially when you're still hurting. Also did you realize Ernie did not ask Lucy to talk to Kate? He didn't tell her what she was supposed to do. He knew better. Because earlier on when Ernie was talking to the bad guy he said, "This is your pain. It's not for me to tell you how to process it."

2) Kate and Jane being there for each other after going through a loss is well, such an amazing development. From not having friends at work to sharing drinks with Tennant in her house is such a step up for Kate, aside from the job. I love how Lucy has Ernie whom she can talk to about this, and now Kate has Jane. I believe that there are a lot of foreshadowing in the show. And it all makes sense as the story develops.

3) Saw a discussion on twitter about Lucy's behaviour, and one fan mentioned that Lucy's probably acting this way because of her upbringing. Since we don't know much about her backstory I'd say it is a possibility. She might not have the best role models when it comes to relationships and love, so it wasn't a surprise when she reacted that way around Kate.

4) Some fans are unhappy that Kate seemed to be so patient when dealing with Lucy to the point that she was the one grovelling most of the time. I understand the sentiment. It was indeed infuriating to see Kate being the only one making the effort to fix this. But when Kate mentioned to Jane that it was entirely her fault, it finally made sense. We can agree to disagree on that; some fans may say that it wasn't entirely Kate's fault. But Kate saw it that way, hence why she took full responsibility instead of blaming it on Lucy. Now it made sense why she was willing to do anything to get Lucy back. I also think she knew deep down that if she was going to act the way Lucy act, then the situation would be worse. She knew she had to be soft and tactful when dealing with Lucy because you cannot put off fire with fire.

HELLO!! I think you expressed your thoughts really clearly (also I appreciate the numbers cuz I'm gonna use them in my reply lol). Also yes s/o to jan nash on this one!! Okay so some of my thoughts on your thoughts lolol

1) I did notice that neither Ernie nor any of Lucy's friends have given Lucy advice on the Kate situation or even suggested that she talk to her. And I think that's a good move cuz I don't think Lucy is ready to hear that advice...and it can get messy to move beyond supporting a friend and into telling them how to live their life.

2) I LOVED the Jate scenes!! I loved how Jane's situation with Maggie was very much paralleled to the #kacy break up from the start of the episode (with Lucy talking to Jesse about betrayals and all that). And I loved how we saw Jane supporting Lucy in 1x11 and her now supporting Kate in 1x14.

3 and 4) Okay okay this is where I kind of disagree with you! Cuz I kind of think Kate should be patient and she should be the one making an effort to fix things. Cuz like, she really fucked things up with Lucy. And I don't think Lucy has been mean to Kate or has been sending a message that she's angry with Kate or that Kate should grovel. I was actually really impressed with how she handled their scene in 1x14. She congratulated Kate and wished her well and then set a boundary that she didn't think they needed to talk. Obvs I think they should talk, but idk Lucy needs time. Anyway, I was also impressed with Kate for like owning that she fucked up when she talked to Jane--most people don't do that, they just make excuses for themselves. I'm not saying she should keep beating herself up over it, but I feel like Kate's strong enough and smart enough to get through this with her self esteem in tact and ultimately she and Lucy will get together.

[ashleyfanfic]

Ranking the Bridgerton Books

I've read all but one at least twice now, so I'm gonna give my ranking. 1. Romancing Mister Bridgerton - Colin and Penelope since the first time I saw them interact in the show, but their dynamic in the book I like just as much. You get snippets of them being around each other in the first books, but there is a pivotal scene in An Offer From A Gentleman that hurt me into my soul and I have never felt for someone as much as I felt for Penelope in that moment. And then in their book, you can see their friendship grow because as long as he's known her, it's taken him so long to see what everyone else already did. Penelope is amazing, even if she is hiding things from him. The scene in the carriage, but specifically their first time and Colin thinking that he wanted to make love to her in front of a mirror one day so she could see what he saw...lord. Also, Lady Danbury is phenomenal in this book. 2. This was really hard for me to decide which one I liked more, and the truth is, I actually read one of these books more than twice and that was The Viscount Who Loved Me. If you know anything about me, you know that I am a huge fan of Enemies to Lovers, and boy does this deliver on that. I love Kate. She's a whole lotta spitfire and just says things to Anthony that NO ONE else would say because she's adamant that her sister could do better. But then things shift and she sees him differently. The storm scene in the library cemented my love for Anthony Bridgerton. The "Oh Kate" KILLED ME. Dead. The Pall Mall game, which, I'm gonna be honest, if they don't give to us I will be FURIOUS! That shit was legit funny. But then there's the bee, the gazebo, Colin pissing off his brother. And the love story between Kate and Anthony and how these two idiots find love in one another is just *chef's kiss* 3. This was really hard because I loved this book so much. When He Was Wicked is the spiciest of all the books in my opinion. And it's because we start with Francesca being married. You don't see her wedding or courtship to her husband, John, in the other books, you just learn that she was married. And her relationship seems to be a good one. They love and care for each other. But that's not the story that's actually being told. We meet Michael Sterling (and if he's not played by Richard Madden I'll fucking burn the world down), a rogue, rake, an altogether scandalous man, and the cousin and close confidant of both John and Francesca. There's already a flirtation with Michael and Franny before John dies, but Michael would never act on it. Then he dies and both of their worlds are turned upside down. But it's when Michael returns from India and the two are being sought after by others that they're teetering on the edge of something. Michael knows his feelings but doesn't think he can betray his cousin like that, and Franny is just afraid of her feelings for Michael all together. But then there's their first kiss, and then Michael riding to fucking Scotland to seduce her into being his wife, which she doesn't agree to do right off. But the creme de la creme of this book, aside from Franny finally realizing her feelings, is the scene in the cabin when they get stuck in the rain. It's one of the women taking her sexual agency and fucking using it, and Michael is a more than willing participant. That scene was fucking hot. They also have a beautiful Epilogue if you want to read it.

4. To Sir Phillip With Love is a strange one for me. I love that Phillip and his weirdness appeals to Eloise, who I don't think would ever be content with an ordinary man. I could also see someone like Eloise being courted in such an unusual way as letters. What kind of puts me off about this is Phillip's treatment of his children. I get that he eventually catches a clue as to what's going on with them, but through most of the book, he doesn't even bother trying to be close to them. The best part of this book are 1) the brothers Bridgerton storming into their home and trying to pummel Phillip all while Eloise fights them for her man, and 2) the scene at My Cottage where Philip seduces Eloise.

5. While I think this book is the most unoriginal in terms of beginning and end, it's not a bad book throughout the middle. And I'm talking about An Offer From A Gentleman. This series actually shows that Step parents/Siblings aren't all bad, take a look at the Viscount and you get nothing but love between Mary, Kate, and Edwina. But this book goes with the wicked stepmother. Of course it does, it's ripping off Cinderella. The first chapter with the ball had me uninterested and it felt like a slog to get through, but once we get away from the Cinderella aspects and get to Sophie and Ben's actual story, I'm more into it. UNTIL Benedict decides that he's going to wear Sophie down about becoming his mistress. From book to show, Benedict is the most different in my opinion. I can't imagine that guy ever doing what book Ben does to Sophie. When he finally realizes who Sophie is, it's cathartic really. Because on the one had, she's known who he is the entire time, even knew he was looking for her, and said nothing about it. I do love Violet in this book. I love their scenes at My Cottage and I love the idea of a Colin Firth type scene for our Benedict, but the rest of it left me very underwhelmed.

6. It's In His Kiss was cute enough, but my problem with this one is that Hyacinth is in all of the other books as a pesky younger sister, a girl if you will. So, it's really difficult for me to wrap my head around her being a grown woman at this time. And it would take a special man to handle her. Gareth is that man. I love the scenes with Lady Danbury. She shines everywhere she goes, though. I don't know, I just didn't feel this one and I guess it's because seeing Hyacinth grown is weird to me.

7. The Duke and I. If you've seen the show you've read the book, I feel. This book had so much promise until THAT scene. Like, I get it, you're mad about being lied to, but the man was drunk and Daphne took advantage of that. It caused him to start stuttering again, it was so damaging. And she wasn't sorry. I guess that's my real gripe. She wasn't apologetic about what she did. This is the only book I read once.

8. On the Way to the Wedding felt like a lesser version of the Viscount. Gregory wanting Hermione, but having to go through Lucy to get to her... I read this story before and it was done much better. Not that I dislike Gregory or Lucy. I don't. I just don't find either of them as compelling as Anthony or Kate. I don't have a lot of thoughts about this one because once I hit the wedding I was like "I just want to be done with it already". Maybe it was burnout. I don't know. Perhaps if I start with this one instead of saving it for last I'll have a better opinion.

[alj4890]

12 Days of Ficmas

Day 2

(Thomas Hunt x OC*Amanda) in a Choices Red Carpet Diaries Christmas one shot.

A/N I always love these two and their awkward ways of admitting they want more than friendship. What better way to do so than at a holiday party that is nothing but chaotic? This fic grew longer and longer as I worked on it. I blame my daydreaming and my lack of self-control. Woooo 2020! LOL!

12 Days of Ficmas writers and readers list

@texaskitten30​ @leelee10898​ @emichelle​ @zaffrenotes​ @burnsoslow​ @kat-tia801​ @darley1101​ @msjr0119​ @annekebbphotography​ @god-save-the-keen​ @plumeriavibes @ofpixelsandscribbles​ @camillemontespan @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow @katedrakeohd  @mom2000aggie @sfb123 @bbrandy2002 @debramcg1106 @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject

Thomas Hunt List

@krsnlove @lxaah11 @alleksa16 @penguininapinktuxedo @blackcoffee85 @stopforamoment   @annekebbphotography @hopelessromantic1352 . @sunflowergirl05 @greywitchyshots @lilyoffandoms @moodyvalentinestories @emceesynonymroll @my-heart-beats-for-ya @aworldoffandoms @ab1901 @flyawayboo @i-bloody-love-drake-walker . @trappedinfanfiction @kate-mckenzie @everythingmarvelsherlockspn @trappedinfandoms

Song Inspiration: Underneath the Mistletoe by Kelly Clarkson and Brett Eldridge

Masterlist

Mistletoe Madness

November 28th...

"Well," Ryan began as soon as he entered Thomas's suite. "He did it again."

"Again? How delayed will we be this time?" Thomas demanded.

"We're looking at another six weeks." The former heartthrob movie star recently turned executive producer poured them both a drink. "Given the holidays approaching, I suspect it will be closer to nine weeks."

Thomas grumbled about never again agreeing to producing another person's film.

If he had not witnessed the young director's raw talent firsthand, he would have never joined this venture. With Ryan Summers urging him on to support the next generation, he had somehow ended up spending the last few months in New York City and basically babysitting a twenty-two year old recent film graduate.

"Austin swears this will be the last time." Ryan explained.

Thomas took a healthy gulp of scotch.  "Are we certain he isn't in over his head?"

"You've seen the dailies." Ryan rubbed a hand down his face. "What do you think?"

Thomas slumped in his chair. "It is going to be a critically acclaimed film that sweeps the Oscars."

Ryan finished off his drink and stood up. "Don't worry. There is nothing like Christmas in New York."

"Except in my home." Thomas grumbled.

"Have no fear." Ryan's charming smile flashed. "I intend on hosting my annual Christmas party."

Thomas didn't bother to repress his shudder. "You mean that garish monstrosity that you refer to as an intimate gathering?"

"Can I help it that everyone loves me?"

"I believe you could." Thomas grumbled.

"Look on the bright side." Ryan reminded him. "Most of the people who love me are nearly three thousand miles away in California. This might actually be my most intimate gathering yet."

"True." Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose one night of revelry won't kill me."

"There's that Christmas fortitude." Ryan set his empty glass down. "I'll let you know when the plans are finalized."

On his way out the door, he sent an image with a couple of phrases to a few groups in his contact list.

Christmas Party: Where? 80 Fifth Avenue at 14th Street, 17th Floor PH, New York, NY When? 7p.m., December 17. Why? You already know the answer. RSVP? Only if you want to come inside.

Within seconds of sending it, his phone began to chime nonstop with friends and acquaintances saying they would fly in just for his party.

******************

December 14th...

"Oof!" Amanda tried to keep from falling over. "I'm so sor--"

"My fau--Amanda!" Ryan grasped her arms. "What are you doing in New York?"

"Some of Cordonia's nobles were invited for a World Tourism forum." She explained. "What about you?" Her teasing smile formed. "Why are you not in sunny California?"

He chuckled and linked his arm with hers, guiding her toward a nearby coffee shop. "I'm currently here as a producer."

"I had heard that you were stepping behind the camera for a change."

"Producing seemed the easiest." He shook his head with a laugh. "I never knew I could be so wrong."

After placing their orders and finding a table in a secluded corner, he asked how long she would be in New York.

"I was supposed to leave with everyone yesterday." She picked at her chocolate croissant. "But I decided to stay a few more days and do some Christmas shopping."

"So it’s just you?" He asked.

"Just me." She smiled at him. "I don't have anyone complaining about the cold weather or my tendency to linger near Christmas decorations."

"Speaking of Christmas decorations," he held his phone up, "Did you receive my party invitation?"

"I did. I didn't RSVP because I wasn’t sure how long I would stay here."

"Then allow me to RSVP for you." He quickly added her to the list. "Can't have one of my favorite duchesses alone this weekend."

She chuckled. "Who else is coming?"

"The usual." He flashed a smile. "You know most of them. One in particular."

Her eyebrow lifted. "Now I am curious."

"Thomas has been here with me." He explained. "We are both producers--"

"I know." She said softly.

"You do?" His smile grew mischievous. "Just how close did you two become when he filmed in Cordonia last spring?"

She squirmed in her chair. "We became friends."

"Friends or friends?"

"Ryan..." She could feel a headache forming at his prodding.

"Sorry." He relaxed back in his chair. "I know it is none of my business. Just because I am friends with both parties doesn't mean that I have a right to know if they moved out of that friendship phase of--"

"Thomas was right." Amanda playfully threw her napkin at him. "You really don't stop talking."

"Well," he shrugged. "I mean there are ways I enjoy being forced to shut up." He winked at her. "But I don't think you want to go down that road, at least not with me."

"You are impossible." She shook her head in resignation.

"I know." Ryan straightened in his chair when he noticed the time. "I have a meeting with one of the caterers." He flashed a smile as he stood up. "Want to come along and keep me company?"

"I should try and finish my shopping." She glanced down at the different bags of Tiffany blue, Gucci white, and Cartier red. "Especially now that I have to find something to wear for your party."

"Come with me and then I will help you find whatever you want." He took her bags before she could give an answer. "I could use someone else's opinion on appetizers."

"I suppose I have to say yes, since you're holding my purchases hostage."

He chuckled at her teasing while offering his arm. "Come with me, duchess, if you ever want to see these again."

Slipping her arm through his, they set off down Fifth Avenue.

*****************

Later that night...

Thomas wrapped a towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower. He rolled his shoulders in an attempt to work the many knots of stress that persisted after fourteen hours of filming.

I should have remained in the director's chair.

The need to take control was growing stronger than ever. It was a wonder that he had not broken the arms off of the chair he sat in as he attempted to keep his mouth shut. The ridiculously young director had made numerous decisions he wanted to change.

But it isn't my vision we are going for.

As he rubbed a towel through his hair, he heard the familiar ping of notifications on his phone.

He picked it up, smiling at seeing Amanda's name as part of an alert.

It disappeared when he saw the following images.

She was in New York. With Ryan.

And it looked like they were more than friends.

"Why didn't she tell me she was here?" He muttered to himself.

He swiped through the images of smiling Ryan sitting on a couch at Versace while Amanda twirled in a dress for him.

He then saw an image of the two walking out of a coffee shop, arm in arm.

Thomas tossed his phone on the bed as he hurried to dress. Frustration built within him at the thought that Ryan might feel something for her.

After months of debating how to broach the subject of dating, he couldn't believe that he might have missed his opportunity with her.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at his door.

Eyes narrowed when he saw who it was through the peephole.

"Ready?" Ryan asked as he walked in. "I was able to get us a table at Cote for..." He trailed off when Thomas turned his back on him. "What's wrong? No to Korean barbecue or did Austin flounder again?"

"No."

"Still struggling with his directing decisions?" Ryan asked.

"No. In a way. But no." Thomas bit out.

He knew he was being unreasonable. Ryan couldn't possibly know how he felt about the duchess since he had not bothered to share that with anyone.

Still, it should have been him running around New York with her instead of his flirtatious, playboy friend.

Wondering just how serious Ryan was about Amanda, he decided to casually get some information out of him.

"How did the party planning go?"

"Better than I expected." Ryan's smile reappeared. "Everything is set. Music, food, drinks, and decorations will be on theme this year."

"Ah." Thomas mumbled. "And the theme is?"

"You'll see." Ryan winked. "You won't believe who I ran into today."

Finally. "Who?"

"Amanda Bridgerton. There was some type of forum she had to attend last week and she decided to remain here on her own for some extra days of fun and shopping." Ryan replied.

"Is she coming to your party?" Thomas asked.

"It took some of my powers of persuasion, but I got her to agree."

"She should have let me know she was here." Thomas cleared his throat. "It would have been nice to see her."

"I asked her about that when she said she knew you were in New York." Ryan cocked his head to the side as he studied his friend. "She said she didn't want to bother you while you worked."

"Amanda isn't a bother." Thomas felt a little better at hearing that.

It does sound like the thoughtful thing she would normally do.

"That's what I told her." Ryan replied, checking the time again. "If you don't hurry, we’ll be late in meeting her for dinner."

Thomas's head jerked up. "We're having dinner with Amanda?'

"Why wouldn't we?" Ryan slowly smiled. "Once I told her that you would welcome a distraction from producing, she readily agreed to dinner."

The pictures then were like any other from gossip magazines. Completely innocent.

Ryan noticed an expression of relief form on Thomas's face.

He leaned forward in his chair. "Just how close were you two in Cordonia?"

Thomas's flush told the actor all he needed to know.

"We became friends." He muttered on his way back into the bathroom.

"Friends, huh?" Ryan rubbed his hands together. "I guess that's why Amanda is still single."

*****************

Cote NYC, an hour later...

"There she is." Ryan pointed towards a table to the right of the restaurant.

Amanda was studying the menu and didn't notice them walking in.

Thomas felt that same jolt to his heart that he had each time he saw her. Knowing she would be here with him, with no distractions, made him decide to test the proverbial waters.

The moment she looked up, her eyes immediately went to Thomas.

Her smile was filled with warmth and a touch of shyness when she stood up to greet him.

His lips grazed her cheek as he took her hands.

Even in the dim light, he could see her blush.

Ryan glanced from one to the other and cleared his throat. After a second, louder clearing to get their attention failed, he spoke up.

"I'm here too."

Amanda pulled her hands out of Thomas's grasp.

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" She teased.

Ryan dramatically clutched his chest. "Did our day out together mean nothing to you?"

She shook her head at his foolishness. "I might have enjoyed it, if you hadn't made me try on so many dresses."

She sat back down and felt a thrill go through her body when Thomas slid in next to her.

He draped his arm along the back of their booth and turned more towards her as they talked.

Ryan observed the two closely, a slight smirk on his lips at discovering that there was a definite attraction between the two.

His party's mistletoe theme would go a long way in helping these two.

*****************

Towards the end of dinner, both men received a cryptic text from Austin.

Ryan lifted an eyebrow. "Do you understand what he is talking about?"

"Unfortunately, I do." Thomas slipped his phone back in his pocket. "We better go in case he decides to try and dangle a camera from the Empire State building.

Ryan motioned to the waiter for the check.

Amanda tried to not be too disappointed. She hadn't realized how much she had missed being around Thomas until she had him sit next to her. The dinner had been the best she had had in a long time.

And it had nothing to do with the food.

His attention had settled on her and remained. It was a wonder she had not become tongue tied under his steady, dark gaze. His fingers grazed her shoulder every so often each time he settled his arm along the back of their seat.

If only they could have been alone without anyone disturbing them.

"Where are you staying?" Thomas asked.

"The Ritz-Carlton." Amanda wrote her suite number down for him. "Twenty-first floor."

He slipped it into his pocket before giving her his hotel and room information.

"We aren't too far away from you." He smiled softly at her. "Perhaps after we calm Austin down, we can plan on meeting up."

"I would love that." She took his hand as he helped her out of the booth.

"If nothing else, you two can meet up at my annual Christmas party." Ryan added.

Thomas and Amanda both stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.

"That's true." She mumbled.

"It is a small gathering still. Isn't it?" Thomas asked.

Ryan shrugged as he led the way out.

"Do you know how big it will be?" Thomas whispered.

"No." Amanda's eyes narrowed. "But if I had to judge by the caterer's face when Ryan wrote down how many he was expecting, small is not going to be associated at all with his party."

***************

Dec. 17, Manhattan Penthouse, Fifth Avenue...

"I can't believe that we have been trapped with Austin the past few days." Thomas grumbled.

"Neither can I." Ryan slung an arm around his friend's shoulders and gave a gentle shake. "Cheer up. We now have two weeks or so of freedom from the boy wonder."

"There is that." Thomas eyed the growing number of people coming in. "Aren't you supposed to greet your guests?"

"Nah. Everyone knows who I am." Ryan replied. "But I will go mingle."

Once he disappeared into the crowd, Thomas lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Every five feet or less, a sprig of mistletoe dangled with lights and tinsel. The plant was hung from the main bar to every inch of the ballroom. There were even a set over the bathroom doorways.

Between the open bar and whatever alcoholic concoction Ryan's Christmas punch was made of, this holiday party would soon turn into a different sort of gathering.

Thomas wanted no part of an almost drunken orgy.

The only reason he had come was so that he could see Amanda. The long hours working with Austin had offered nothing except a quick phone call to apologize that he couldn't meet up with her. The few texts they exchanged were filled with understanding and a hope to see each other soon.

He hoped to find her in this crowd that was quickly getting larger and entice her away. Go someplace quiet where he could talk to her about taking that next step that would change everything.

That shouldn't be too difficult, he thought as he began to walk around.

But Thomas had made one mistake.

He was walking a path covered in mistletoe.

**************

An hour later...

"There you are!" Ryan greeted Amanda with a kiss on her cheek. "I was afraid you weren't coming."

"It was a long line for the elevator." She looked around at the crowded room. "Looks like you invited everyone."

"Not everyone." Ryan handed her a cup of punch. "I forgot to invite my financial advisor. One of the guys that serves coffee. Probably a couple of others."

Not paying attention, Amanda took a big gulp of the punch. She struggled to get a deep breath as she felt the alcohol burn a path down her throat to settle with the sensation of a small fire forming in her stomach.

"What," she wheezed, "is in this?"

"Old Summers family secret." He nudged her cup up to take another swallow. "The first is the hardest. The ones that follow make everything bright."

"Don’t you mean right?" She took a tentative sip and realized he was right. The fire was gone, leaving her with an aftermath of warm giddiness. Finishing off her cup, she smiled while admiring his decorations. "It really does make everything bright."

He chuckled while pouring her another one. "Enjoy duchess. I have to go talk to the couple that just walked in." Ryan gestured toward the back of the ballroom. "I saw Thomas over there earlier."

Before she could say anything, he disappeared.

Smiling from not only the Christmas punch but also at the thought of spending time with the man she secretly loved, Amanda began to weave her way through, pausing only long enough to greet those she knew.

***************

"For the love of--" Thomas suffered through another overly eager kiss.

This particular wannabe celebrity told him she was a popular YouTube personality.

It took all of his willpower to keep from telling her that he truly didn't care about her type of fame nor anything about her. He untangled himself from her arms and picked up his pace.

Being blocked in by Ryan's guests on one side and tables on the other, he had yet to escape the long line of mistletoe.

"Dammit!" He was grabbed once more.

"Is that any way to greet me, Thomas?" A sultry actress cooed.

"Good evening, Ava." He grasped her arms. "If you will excuse me--"

"You're under the mistletoe." She gripped the lapels of his blazer. "You know what that means?"

"Unfortunately, I do." He grumbled. Closing his eyes, he subjected himself to the kiss she pressed to his lips.

When Thomas was finally released, he first took pleasure in the disappointed expression on Ava's face from his lack of response.

Then his heart dropped at the person who stood a few feet away, staring at him.

Amanda turned away when Thomas locked eyes on her. Her mind jumped from one wild thought to another.

Thank God I didn't tell him how I felt! What if I had and then he had been forced to point out which woman he preferred? I need to leave. No! Then he'll suspect! I have to stay. Smile. Drink, dance, and be merry. Act like my heart didn't drop at the sight of Thomas being kissed by a woman I can't ever compete with.

She knew she couldn't run away so she remained in place. With a neutral expression on her face, she watched him out of the corner of her eye walk over to her.

"Amanda, I--that display you--I--" Thomas stuttered.

She turned toward him with a friendly smile firmly on her lips. "Thomas," she began with a slight, carefree laugh, "what can one do when caught under the mistletoe?"

Thomas blinked, taken aback when she casually shrugged the incident away.

Her heart was thudding as if she had sprinted. Pretending to not be affected by everything was too hard with his attention on her. She needed a temporary escape.

She called upon the things her friends in Cordonia depended on when upset.

Olivia would tell her to face the situation head on.

Not something I want to do.

Drake would go to the bar.

I've already had too much Christmas punch.

Hana would suggest desserts.

The table is too far away.

Maxwell would suggest to dance one’s troubles away.

Hmm. I could do that.

Her eyes scanned some of the men that stood nearby. Catching Ryan's eye, she nodded toward the dance floor with a silent plea.

He smiled at her. Coming over to do as she wanted, he noticed Thomas and glanced curiously back and forth at the two.

"Duchess?" He held his hand out. "Care to dance?"

"I would love to." She turned to a shocked Thomas. "Would you mind holding my drink?"

When his fingers grazed hers, she looked up at his face. Her carefully guarded expression flickered revealing her angry frustration.

"Feel free to use my cocktail napkin." She snapped.

"Your napkin?" Thomas repeated. "Why?"

"That shade of lipstick isn't really your color." She lowered her eyes and stubbornly ignored his attempt to explain.

She grabbed Ryan's hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

Ryan immediately twirled her as the upbeat tempo began. Taking both her hands to pull her toward him, he lifted an eyebrow in silent question.

She shook her head. "Don't ask. Please."

His gaze momentarily softened to pity. "Then hold on tight." He broke out some swing dance moves in the hopes of getting her to smile.

Her laughter at the numerous twirls he spun her in with dramatic dips made him smile.

"You know?" He said, once she was upright. "The only way I was able to get Thomas to agree to come tonight was telling him that you would be here."

"Ryan." She muttered.

"Amanda." He countered with a flirty grin on his face.

She couldn't help but smile back. "How do you make it impossible to ignore you?"

"Part of my charm." He admitted, twirling her into his embrace right as the song came to an end. "Now go forth and be kissed by someone you like."

She looked about at the number of couples kissing on the dance floor. She then lifted her eyes to the ceiling, sighing in relief that they had danced in a mistletoe free zone.

"I don't know if I should be thrilled for the one you prefer or insulted at how happy you are not to be under the mistletoe with me." Ryan narrowed his eyes playfully.

She laughed and rose up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Does that help?"

"Not really." He winked at her. "You just gave me a brotherly peck. I now have to find someone to bolster my flagging confidence."

She watched him dance away in search for a more kissable partner.

Amanda jumped when she felt someone grasp her hand.

Ignoring her surprise, Thomas pulled her off the dance floor.

"Thomas!" She tried to make him stop. "Where are we going?"

"Out." He stopped long enough to retrieve their coats.

"What about Ryan's party?" She couldn't stop her bitterness from spilling out. "Aren't there more people you hope to find under the mistletoe?"

"I never want to see that damn plant again." He snapped, gripping her hand as they stepped into the elevator.

They kept their eyes forward, trying to ignore the couples that joined them. Kisses were given as each seemed to still be in a haze from all the mistletoe..

They escaped and stepped out onto the sidewalk, each breathing a little easier.

Their eyes met.

"I should pro--"

"Walk with me--"

They closed their mouths and simply stared at one another.

"Will you go for a walk with me?" Thomas asked. "There is something I need to discuss with you."

Amanda hoped but honestly doubted that what he wanted to talk about was the subject she had intended to talk to him about.

Feelings are such a nuisance, she thought to herself.

With a brief nod, she began to walk towards Central Park. Once inside, she quickened her pace, hoping to burn up her frustration enough to calmly hear whatever it was he wished to say.

Without a word, Thomas kept up with her. When she started to slip on an icy patch on the walkway, he swept her into his arms.

Her breath hitched as her body slid directly against his.

Their noses bumped against one another’s.

Thomas tightened his arms around her refusing to lose this one chance to have her undivided attention. He had argued with himself about cutting in the entrie time she danced with Ryan. That ridiculous party would be the last time he allowed anything to keep him from finding out if she felt as strongly as he did.

"What," her voice cracked, "what did you want to talk about?"

His lips curved somewhat at seeing she was just as affected by being close to him as he was her. "Us."

Her eyes dropped down to his lips. "Us?"

His eyes drifted down her face, pausing at her mouth. "Yes."

"Oh." She breathed the word as his head slowly dropped toward hers.

He gently captured her lips in a tender kiss.

Thomas had felt nothing with those other kisses he had been given at the party. The spark from that touch of her lips warmed him to his toes. And yet, the mere brush of her gloved hand through his hair as he moved to kiss her again caused his skin to burn.

The kiss deepened, drawing an audible gasp from both at the sensation of the other's lips.

When they parted, their eyes met.

"Thomas, I--"

"I want to--"

Amanda bit her bottom lip. "You first."

Thomas smiled softly. "I'm in love with you."

"I love you too." She smiled against his lips when he kissed her again.

A thought popped into her mind, causing her to jerk away.

"Amanda, what--"

"I better never catch you in a room that has both beautiful actresses and mistletoe." She warned him.

He chuckled while cuddling her close. "You're the only one I will ever willingly stand under mistletoe for."

Amanda sweetly sighed at that as she pressed another kiss to his lips.

When his lips drifted down her cheek, she spoke up again.

"There was a corner at Ryan's party where one sprig of mistletoe wasn't being stepped under."

"Really?" He lifted his head. "That is a pity."

"Isn't it?" Her arms looped around his neck. "All alone. Without a purpose."

"I suppose we could go back and fulfill its one mission in life." He rested his forehead against hers. "Or..."

"Or?"

"We go somewhere private and pretend the entire room is covered in mistletoe."

"Private, hmm?" Amanda stepped out of Thomas's arms. "I think I would like to try this pretending."

He wrapped his arm around her as they walked out of the park. "If you follow my lead, I think you will enjoy yourself immensely."

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

okay here me out but high school!spn would be hilarious because, y'know, there's the 3 winchester (yes adam is there) and horrible dad john winchester. obivously, mary is dead which is why john in horrible.

BUT, other than the winchesters, there's also the angels, which everyone is also deadass confused about because they're's like 30 of them?? and apparently they're all related, all adopted by birth except the 4 eldest. and the very oldest, michael, raises them, which nobody knows if it's legal or not, but everybody's too afraid to say something.

And, of course, they're's the demons, who are like a bunch of kids who live at an orphanage and hate the angels.

okay that was long and really just me rambling

what i heard was “the angels are like the cullens” and michael is like. very fuck you to any high schooler who brings it up.

also, Michael either looks JUST like that Adam kid OR he looks like apocalypse!michael because that guy was cute and i liked him

OK BUT. HEAR ME OUT.

Mary is NOT dead, but she and John are divorced because John had an affair with Kate Milligan (Adam’s mom) and neither woman knew about the other until Adam’s like. Five or something?

At first Mary and Kate HATE each other, look at that Scheming Conniving Whore who is the Reason I Can’t Have My Man, but then they realize it’s JOHN’S FAULT, and they should unite against the Common Enemy. John has no idea. So the divorce goes through and he’s like, hey Kate can I come stay with you and Adam :) and Kate’s all, actually, you can get fucked, I’m taking my friend out for a celebratory drink, her divorce got finalized.

They’re each a margarita into the night when Mary goes “this is like a date! hah ha just kidding! unless...?”

IT’S NOT A JOKE THEY DATE AND GET MARRIED/CIVIL UNIONED/PARTNERED/SUE THE STATE OF KANSAS and John is just sitting over there, a jackass.

Kate’s a nurse, so she can pretty much support the family because Mary wants to go back to school! And get advanced degrees in like. Mythology or folklore. Idk if Mary went to college in canon? Anyway she’s a farm girl, (for some reason in my head “a family of monster hunters” translates to normal universe as “family farm” idk idk) so maybe she gets some fancy agriculture degrees or becomes a conservationist (Sam being a National Parks nerd??? yes please. he’d sit and help Mary study and he’s been known to hijack tours from Park Rangers but he’s so earnest it’s hard to be mad at him)

they have a crazy amazing garden (adhd!dean helping his mom in the garden??? yes). Mary teaching self-defense classes! Kate teaching the boys advanced first aid! And regretting it! No, Dean, just because you CAN sew up your brother’s wound doesn’t mean you should! 

Dean trying to teach Adam and Sam to shave because “i’m the man of the family” and Kate saying “oh sweetie, I’m the man of the family. you get to be a kid of the family, ok?” because let Dean be a child, please, and also, now none of these children understand gender and it’s WONDERFUL. (Adam is the only full time he/him in the house and as much as Dean protects his little brothers, Adam has been known to punch a transphobe or two.

Adam: it’s called DIRECT ACTION, Principal Amara!)

I want to say there’s still a house fire when Sammy’s a baby, but obvs Mary doesn’t die, she just has severe burns? (makes John cheating even MORE of a douche thing but idk) anyway this plus Kate being a nurse, I could see Adam being into physical therapy or counseling or something when he gets older?

also random thought but Mary and Kate host the BEST halloween parties. they go all out. Their best costume so far is Harley/Ivy.

I KEEP FORGETTING WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS

This means Mary’s the one who knows Bobby (and his husband Rufus) via hunting and Gay Advocacy and their extensive collection of rare texts that are tangentially related to Mary’s work somehow

Mary and Kate become big advocates for legalization of sex work.

the Angel Kids family are from a SUPER religious upbringing. obviously. probably. more like a cult honestly. Cas and Anna straight-up ran away when they were 13 ish. They MIGHT have convinced their dad to sign some papers when he was drunk which is how they were able to get emancipated. Sort of?

They track down their older brother Gabe, who left the family as soon as he was old enough to strike out on his own, but once Anna and Cas leave, all their other siblings sort of come trailing after them (Balthazar first) to find them and take care of them, so Gabe all of the sudden goes from livin the single life to co-parenting twenty siblings with his OTHER siblings, who he can’t STAND and he somehow became the Rules Parent because Luci isn’t going to enforce shit! That asshole! When Uriel finally gets out Gabe is like thank fuck I’m leaving now. When Michael finally gets to them, Gabe is in Shock. “Holy fuck, what did dad DO that was bad enough to make YOU leave?? dude???”

(I want Gabe and the Archangel Brigade to be in their late 20s/early 30s when Cas and Co. are in high school because Gabe absolutely works in porn. Michael gets all self-righteous with him and Gabe glares. “First of all. This is my house, so, you know, fuck off. Second of all, are you going to support this family? No? Yes? With what? the last job you had was CO-LEADING A CULT.” Uriel is working as an electrician while taking meteorology courses.)

who is in charge of the Demon Kids? Rowena or Lilith, maybe? or CAIN. CAIN!!!

The Harvelles absolutely make an appearance. I’m tempted to say that Mary and Kate look at Ellen and go “her. we want her” and it’s a band of badass women and their badass children.

it’s VERY important to me that Dean is a theatre nerd. VERY IMPORTANT. He and Sam might play basketball just because of their height, but I don’t know that they enjoy it that much. Sam’s more of a lacrosse or soccer guy. Adam’s into hockey (little rage monsters that they are) 

idk it depends on ships that you want? Because high school age Crowley being Dean’s Bad Boy Boyfriend is pretty primo comedy, imo, and you would work in the Leviathans as a rival high school or even as new kids? And of course Michael/Adam Sam/Lucifer don’t work in a hs au with the archangels aged up the way I have? You could have the Older Sibling Angels Be Gabe, Balthazar, and Naomi, with Naomi being the one leaves last, who was helping Chuck with his cult (which leaves more room for Michael to be a himbo)

for the record I’m not OPPOSED to a John is a Good Dad AU. I just like AUs where I can Unfridge All the Women

WOW i had a lot of feelings about this. oops. 

[selkiewife]

Harlots Season 3 Episode 1 Reaction

*There are spoilers below

Ahhh the opening music. Love it ha.

Okay... who are these people? Is this Josiah Hunt’s family?

Ok get it stable girl

Lady Harlot! Yessss did they make up?? Hmmm I guess?

Hey Luce. Hey new characters.

Holy shit Theon- er Alfie- Isaac is here already and face to face with my LOVING WIFE NANCY BIRCH what.

They’ve given Alfie lines to speak with his MOUTH not just his eyes! Listen up.

“Dainty Size” ha- I mean granted, she’s small but. Did she just threaten to “flay his face off??” Was that a Theon/ Ramsay call back? I doubt it. (Get out of the GOT headspace Selkie, ffs)

I’m sensing real guilt from Charlotte that she’s a bawd and isn’t just one of the girls anymore. You’ve done nothing wrong Char!

Well that’s a weird kink Lucy (licking the bald head). These men are ridiculous.

And now, Kate Fleetwood And Alfie Allen engage in the battle of the jaw lines.

Wait why are they rhyming? Oh right that’s what people did in those days for fun/ to flirt. I know this from Shakespeare. Get in there Fanny! Charlotte is so quick, damn. I want to be them.

“Not a Rogue” Isaac just said more words in this scene than Theon said in the entirety of Season 8 (I’m not ragging don’t at me- Theon said more with his eyes than everyone else combined in Season 8, so it’s fine. I’m just delighted to hear Alfie speak. In fucking RHYME. HA!)

Oh fuck... Bedlam is so horrifying. They are trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for Lydia and no one is shocked when I tell you it’s working

Charlotte and Isaac. Be still my bisexual heart. Okay but what about Lady Isabella? Well this is just work though. Also maybe they have an open relationship? Or are they even together at all? I NEED ANSWERS HARLOTS. I love how sex is always so clothed on this show- It is realistic of the time period because of the weather and cause clothes were so involved. It just always looks right- like a job and kind of unappealing. And they always get the squeaking of the bed and shit right you know? Oh wait, but they are having a moment.

This must be the brother. Hey Emily. How much time has passed here? 

Did Charlotte just say she hasn’t slept with anyone since she became a bawd. So I guess her and Lady Fitz aren’t together then. But they are friendly? 

What the fuck Nancy where is your birch rod?? Hold up, where is Will? No seriously, where is Will?

I love Cherry so much God. 

Lydia is trying to remember a soliloquy. This is all so Shakespearean what with the rhyming and... 

It’s that stable girl

Lady Fitz’ voice cracks me up tbh it’s so over the top and hushed-dramatic but I love it.

William’s in York y’all... but why?

And Alfie’s.... still rhyming... like? I am starting to have flashbacks of my past outdoor Shakespeare jobs right now and part of me is totally into that. What does that say about me really?

That woman really creeps me out... Oh but this must be the molly house plot line. 

Back in Bedlam. The Shakespeare is continuing... you guys.

*makes a mental note that Lydia would be a great Alannys Harlaw for sad edits (help me chums)

I really love Harriet’s arc. omg THE THEME OF THE EPISODE IS SHAKESPEARE. Harriet’s brothel girls produce stripped down Shakespeare shows before the fucking commences. Truth though, that is my kind of brothel.

I want the backstory on why Nance wears that gold ring around her neck. Ha- Nance is just a big softie in truth. Okay a gripe though- WHY is Lucy not becoming a dom like Nance? They clearly set that up in the Season 1 finale but never went anywhere with it in Season 2- but they could now- since she is showing such dissatisfaction with her job- but instead she’s going to be a bawd? *Slams hands on table* Give me apprentice dom Lucy working through her trauma with Nancy storyline you cowards! It would be so great- they could use that storyline to give us more Nancy backstory too.

I know we aren’t supposed to like Isaac but something about him getting arrested is turning me on here. (But let’s be honest, I have to like Isaac cause it’s Alfie. I don’t have a choice. Like, I’ve been known to say that John Wick’s dog had it coming- just so we’re all on the same page here.)

Honestly I’m going to have to disagree with you Charlotte, I feel like the gibbet would have been better than Bedlam. I mean. Lydia could write self help books though I swear. Okay so it’s been a year- there was like a years jump- okay.

See, I like how they don’t just completely forget about the dead on this show. RIP Kitty. Aww I’d forgotten that Fanny named her daughter Kitty. I kind of shipped Fanny and Kitty. Now I’m really sad. They would have been a perfect little family.

Oh wow Lucy joined forces with Elizabeth and Fredo. I bet that will end well. 

Okay Isaac that was completely unnecessary. Leave baby Kitty out of this. Why does Alfie always get roles where he’s like harassing babies and dogs good lord. He’s so freaking good at them though lol.

Lydia and Isabella are so Shakespearean it’s verging on camp... and I love it. Oh... Lydia. Oh man... she thinks she is going mad. Charles, ffs, you make everything worse.

“A genius with a needle.” Oh no- it’s a hanging offense- again this is not going to end well. Lucy honestly has a noose wish.

Emily wants to learn the art of commerce. Emily is a Slytherin and we stan.

I need more Nance backstory dammit. 

This poor stable girl. I wasn’t listening well when she said her name. But God... poor thing.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. NANCY BIRCH CAN SING. aww she’s singing Kitty to sleep. Oh no... you’re pushing it Alf. First the dog murder, then shouting cunt to a baby, and now trying to burn Nancy and Kitty during this sweet lullaby scene. Like you really want people to hate you don’t you? (In his defense I think he thought everyone was out of the house. Still, arson is not something to be trifled with in those times Isaac... christ. They didn’t even have like firefighters right? I mean, the whole city could catch on fire...) Alfie I swear it gets harder and harder to defend your characters’ actions with each role you play. But you know what, I am not going to even try with this one and instead I’m going to go with the idea that Isaac is just the kind of villain you love to hate. 

Oh Fuck you Alfie. Now I have to take back my previous statement because you’ve fucking got me with that line “this trade turns us into rats” and that look of regret. Damn you. 

Nancy get out of there... How dare you use Nancy and baby Kitty in this manner, show. I am beside myself.

Charlotte says “Let it burn.” No Char. That is not the attitude. Get some water. I get it though. She still wants to be free. She really should have left with that Irish what’s his name that was so lovely. But then she wouldn’t be on the show and I’d be sad.  

And we wouldn’t have Lady Fitz, which, speak of the siren... I kind of wish we had more info on what the hell happened between her and Charlotte this past year instead of this subplot with her daughter- I find myself not caring at all that her daughter is eloping. I mean, I know that there is some INTRIGUE about that but... we’ll have to see if it pays off I guess?

Final thoughts: AHHHH. I love this show. A quick search in the tag has shown me that people are unhappy? I thought it was great! But I do get what people are saying about the time jump. I found that confusing too. I also don’t think people should be concerned about Isaac ruining the Lady Harlot ship. I think that Charlotte and Fitz will be more of a slow burn and I’ve also seen speculation that Charlotte will seek shelter with Lady Fitz so maybe we will find out more about what happened with them next episode. Also, I just want to enjoy Isaac’s storyline in peace without shipping drama. (Um.. you do know you are on tumblr right selkie?) I think he is interesting, the human trashcan rhyming rogue. (And for the record I do ship Lady Harlot.)

Important Questions: Where the hell is Amelia and Violet and what happened with Amelia and Hunt? Surely they will be on next episode. A quick google search in IMDB for the cast list of the next episode has told me... absolutely nothing. So we’ll just have to wait and see. I see people freaking out that they cut them from the show. I suppose it is possible but I certainly HOPE not. I think they just had a lot to get through with this first episode. They will be on next episode. I am willing it into existence. 

Ahhh, I’m so excited this show is back. 

[d-vient]

THESOULLESSHUNTER: an seven or eight-year journey.

So, I’ve definitively hung up my hunter’s coat. Like, I’m done playing Soulless Sam, for sure. But I did kinda want to take a moment to make a post about some of the highlights of my journey with him. Because my time with him will always be something I’ll remember fondly, even if he kinda went out with a whimper.

My version of Sam started out as pretty much something that came as close to a carbon copy as I could manage. I was always very much dedicated to keeping him tonally consistent to his canon counterpart, but in the beginning it came down to the minute details. It wasn’t until a few years in that he started to kind of develop in his own way, and start to really descend into... a very particular form of madness and insanity.

There were some times when Sam ended up developing rather intimate connections with women. Though sex was pretty much always a factor, some verses and scenarios had him forging different sorts of connections, all with their own distinct differences.

He found a sort of kinship with a girl name Ronnie. The two of them were pretty much torn from the same cloth, and often engaged in a romp or two whenever they were in each other’s vicinity. (Or at the very least, they’d flirt each other’s pants off.) At a point, Sam even wrestled for a brief period over whether he had any sort of special attachment to her, because he had gone through a very brief state of having a soul, despite not wanting it. (It was a magic anon that I actually chose to run with for a little bit.)

He developed a rather intense relationship with a demon who referred to herself as Alexis. And much like most of his pairings, the majority of their relationship was based around sex... but Alexis, I believe, was the first to really explore the idea of having an ongoing relationship with Sam, and actually convey to him that it would be an open one. That they could both fool around as much as they wanted, but they’d always come back to each other. (That didn’t necessarily last too long, but it was still something I thought was interesting. Also, just as an aside, I think the character of Alexis was the one who introduced me to Kate Upton.)

His penchant for preying on younger girls started to really take off when he found a naughty little minx in the form of a girl named Rhiannon. I can’t recall if she was a high school student or college student, but she was definitely in that age range. And she was the first girl that had, on record, driven Sam to the point where he had forced himself on her. And of course, subsequently she’d find herself tormented with a need that kept her coming back to him.

Sam also had a tendency to go a little bit older! Of course, it wasn’t often that it happened, but it certainly happened. I like to think about one affair he had with a woman whose name, I believe, was Eva. She was an upper-class woman, with a distinct taste for the more expensive, refined things in life. That being said, she took a certain shine to Sam because he was so rough around the edges. (And what makes this stick out even more in my memory was the fact that the woman’s FC was Kate Winslet. Now that’s a face you don’t see every day in the RPC. Which is a shame, because she’s damn fine.)

Funnily enough, I found myself dabbling into the wrestling RPC on a few occasions. XD It mainly came from my attraction to the Bella sisters, but I found some other fun dynamics in the form of Sam being played off of the likes of Natalya Neidhart and Paige.

While he wouldn’t take a deep dive into debauchery until much later, I distinctly remember him getting his first taste with a girl named Anna. Anna was another one of those girls that Sam formed a really special sort of relationship with. While they weren’t exactly torn from the same cloth - Sam was a hunter, but Anna was just a regular small-town girl - they definitely sparked a special sort of chemistry. One that ended up leading to Anna exploring a side of her that she didn’t often get to explore with other guys. (One of their first times having sex, I remember that there was a good amount of knife play involved.)

Not too long after Anna, Sam found another girl who... at least at first, looked a lot like her, but interestingly enough, the kind of connection they developed was one that was even more intimate in its own way. They bantered with each other like best friends, had sex that was about as passionate as it could possibly get, and they even came to blows on a few occasions, especially when a certain blond-haired man entered Sam’s life later on. But to the very end, she was always Sam’s Blondie.

I remember there was once a girl named Charlie, that Sam had a really amusing sort of relationship with. It wasn’t Charlie from the show; I don’t even think Charlie existed at that point. But this Charlie was quite literally a petite freak. She was about what you’d expect from someone who had her looks. (Her FC was Lucy Hale.) She was kind of quiet, kind of shy, kind of soft-spoken, maybe with a little bit of an attitude... but she also had a certain masochistic side to her that Sam liked to prey on. And, as always, Sam seemed to bring out a really kinky, twisted side to her.

Speaking of petite freaks with really kinky sides, that brings me to probably one of the most memorable pairings in my whole run. I’m not sure if I can speak for my entire following, but I think I’ve been told at least three times that if there was ever a girl that was perfect for Sam, if there was ever an OTP that involved my version of Sam, it would’ve been with Cassie Cosmos. While Cassie Cosmos was not the first Ariel Winter muse I had played against, she was without a doubt the most distinctive, and the one with the most developed relationship with my Sam. Cassie started out as a girl who made money off of cumming on camera, only to be bribed into Sam’s arms and taken - essentially - into his custody, all for a long ride of wild, frantic sex that got progressively more and more degrading as time went on. It wouldn’t be until the last year or so that there would actually be a change-up in their dynamic. While Sam had already used Cassie in a number of ways by this point, there came a point when she started to develop a rebellious streak and started to fight him more, after a traumatic experience of being roofied and subsequently abused by the man. She even ended up getting away for a bit... but they managed to reunite and reconcile - sort of - before things came to a close on my end.

I also found my love for bimbos and bimbofication through Sam, and managed to play out more than a few scenarios involving them. There was Cora, the blonde he wooed into the bathroom at the bar they were at, before making her walk back out with him completely naked, waving goodbye to everybody like nothing was wrong. There was another Charlie, who was much bustier than the other one I was talking about, and had a hell of a lot more daddy issues. (Which naturally made it easier for Sam to prey on her.) There was Lorelei, a girl who just needed a ride from point A to point B, but then ended up turning herself into a complete whore after Sam put his hands on her. There was Annie who, in some cases was a house maid for Sam, in others a stepdaughter. Whatever role she ended up playing, she was always boobs over brains, and completely infatuated with Sam, no matter how horrible he treated her. There was Maria who, for all of her psychic capabilities, could not fight or move on from Sam even if she wanted to. Sam even got to make a dumb little bitch out of Tifa Lockhart, who was actually my real-life first waifu! So yeah, good times!

I’m listing a bunch of girls right now, but that’s not to say that Sam didn’t have his fair share of male companions. Sure, they paled in comparison to the number of girls Sam fooled around with, but I can say at the very least that I was able to develop at least a few really good bromances. There were hunters like Dex and Laine, the former being a slightly younger man who Sam almost looked to as a protege of sorts, and the latter being an older, more seasoned hunter who shared more than a few hilarious interactions and misadventures with my soulless hunter. (I’ll never forget how Sam tried to talk him into letting him be his wingman, only to find out he was gay.) There were gods and monsters like Iacchos and Ky’lar, with the former bestowing some of his power onto Sam and grooming him to be something of a successor, and the latter coming into possession of his soul and bartering a deal that basically made Sam his lap dog. (Unfortunately, that one didn’t get to be explored as much, but... you know.) And of course, there was... Evan.

Now, Evan DeLaurentis deserves his own bullet-point because... personally for me, what Cassie was for the women’s side of the equation, RP-wise, Evan was for the men’s side. Like, while Sam’s relationship with Laine was definitely a prominent bromance for a while - and make no mistake, I loved that shit - his relationship with Evan tops that in my book because it was more to their dynamic. There was a lot more going on with them. Evan came into Sam’s life because he killed his wife and kid; he came into Sam’s life with the intention of ending it... but that didn’t happen, because they were both essentially equally unstoppable forces. And while they could’ve used that as a shit ton of opportunities to kill each other... they didn’t. Sure, they always had a sneaking suspicion that one would turn on the other. But they had enough respect for each other to be able to work together, even crack a few jokes at each other’s expense. (Gen probably played some role in bridging that gap, though. She was Sam’s Blondie, but she also shared a close relationship with Evan.)

There were some other ships and interactions that I enjoyed playing though, even the ones that didn’t get as much exposure or time to develop for one reason or another. Like, if I happened to write with you and you don’t happen to see something relating to you on here? Don’t think it isn’t any less valid or special for not being in this little retrospective post. I love the time Sam and I got to spend with each and every one of you.

Also, with that said, there were times when I found more profound memories and connections in the people I got to write with. The creative muns behind the characters. Some of the friends I’ve made in my time as thesoullesshunter are people I still talk to and keep and touch with today. I’d have to be soulless myself to not have a deep appreciation for that.

// @speakstothedead @notthescarsyoucansee @theraquelwrites @ohnicotine @goodtrble @hellfirebound @superlustersnew52 @tarynitdown @sinfulmuses @unbreakablewidow @miss-claire-v-m @jatamansi @travelerlainewalker @supernaturalchanel @degeneratemaidens @sulkinwrites  @queenofhartsxo  @anniethesunshine @tokill @saintsandsiinners @utterxdesires @shieldofgod-castiel @whiskcydreams @tenderlylethal @inevitcble @sinfulmuses @beautyveined @notyouraveragesecretary 

[belletristbooks]

WINNING ENTRY

"This ending literally brought me to tears. It felt to me like the writer deeply understood Lucy and how she thinks and acts, and stylistically this piece made me feel like I was reading an epilogue that flowed seamlessly from the end of the book. I was really impressed with the writing, and loved how the author brought back the kaleidoscope from The Light We Lost and echoed lines and thoughts that existed in The Light We Lost. The interactions between the kids and between Lucy and the kids felt so real to me, too. I really, really loved this one." - The Light We Lost author, Jill Santopolo.

"Bench" by: Kelsey Winter @Kwinter916

Sometimes objects seem like they’ve witnessed history. The park bench I’m sitting on is covered in different color ink. Blue smiley faces, Green and pink squiggly line, but most importantly names paired together with a heart surrounding them. Past lovers have spent their time holding hands on this bench, piling legs on top of laps, sneaking kisses when no one is looking. They loved each other so much they solidified it by drawing their names for everyone to see. This bench has seen so much.

“Momma!” I peel my eyes from the seat of the bench. “Robbie, you need to keep your hat on or you’ll lose it.” I say grabbing his blue beanie from his hand, and set it on his curly haired-head.

“Momma, Liam took my kaleidoscope.”

“Liam,” I say in a mother tone that took many years to perfect. He’s standing far away with his arms crossed, but he rolls his eyes and groans. He runs over to us, his face in a grimace. “You know it’s not nice to take things.”

“Sorry.” He plops the kaleidoscope in Robbie’s hands and runs back to the jungle gym that is crawling with other kids. “Hey buddy,” I grab Robbie’s wrist before he can chase after his brother. “Why don’t you let me hold onto that so you don’t lose it.” “But…” His lip quivers.

“I promise to keep it safe.” I smile at him, and he smiles right back. His dimple appears in the same spot it always did. People always say that my kids look just like me, but only I can see that Robbie is an exact replica of you, Gabe. You would have loved standing next to him. Seeing his face light up with his words just like yours. How he takes a moment to process things, before reevaluating the situation. The way his curls flop in his eyes when he runs. He is you. I let go of his hand, and he is quick to get to the other kids. I rotate the kaleidoscope in my hands and let my eyes close for just a brief moment.

There I was twenty-three, crisscrossed in our living room surrounded by photographs of you and your mother. Your smile illuminating the room, your laugh filling my ears, your dimple so prominent. You were my binary star then, and just like that you were gone. That night in the living room with the kaleidoscope photos is a memory I can easily slip back into. Are you in heaven lying on your back with your mom staring at the different colors strung from the sky? Is there a heaven Gabe? I’d like to think that’s where you are. I try to think of a different memory every day. I conjure every detail: what you were wearing, how you smelled, your hair wet, my wrinkled shirt. Anything to keep you alive in my memory. But years have passed, and I’ve run out of memories for us. It doesn’t feel fair to make up new ones. Made up memories leave me disappointed, so I stick with real ones.

I open my eyes to see my kids playing together. One of them binds me to you forever, and that idea makes me smile. We’re tethered together, can you feel it still Gabe? Robbie was my road less travelled. You were the road I wish I travelled.

Darren didn’t understand me in that way. Darren still doesn’t see me as more than a mother. I wrote an episode for It Takes A Galaxy a year after you were gone. It’s about losing a loved one. Darren didn’t think I should be introducing death so early to kids, but he doesn’t understand losing someone is just as confusing to adults as it is to children. I’m still confused by it, Gabe. Darren doesn’t know about Robbie, but there are moments when I drop the kids at his apartment, and he will watch Robbie with careful eyes. I didn’t tell him, but I’m scared that deep down he senses it. I loved Darren, there will always be a part of me that does. But you opened something inside me that last day we spent spiraled together. I pushed the feelings away for the first three years of Robbie’s life. The more he grew, the more you shined through him. Now, my kids are enough for me. I am enough for me.

I dig through my bag and find a black Sharpie that was hidden under old receipts and straw wrappers. I rest the kaleidoscope in my lap, and pull off the cap from the marker. Sometimes I find myself waiting for my phone to light up with your name on the screen, or for one of your pictures to appear in the New York Times. It’s ridiculous isn’t it. I draw a heart where the seat of the bench meets the back rest. I write a curly “LC” on one side and next to that I write a “GS.” This bench doesn’t seem complete unless it has the story of Lucy and Gabe. Here lies our history, our story, your legacy. I put the cap back on the marker and throw it in my bag. I stare at our initials. After all these years, your initials still look right next to mine.

“Kids!” I call out and the three of them come running. I scan each to make sure they have everything. They are huffing from running across the playground. My eyes stop on Robbie. His nose is running a bit, but his smile is there, just like always. “Let’s go home,” I say. Sometimes I catch myself staring at Robbie for a moment too long. I remember us sometimes so hard, that I feel myself crumbling. I’m there, with you, your finger traced my bottom lip, while your other one was lost in my hair. But when I come out of my mind, and I always do, I see my kids and their smiling faces. I see me and I see you, and I can keep going.

RUNNER UP

"It was so cool to see Lucy and Gabe's son come to life as a college student, the exact same age that Lucy and Gabe were when they met. And as I read this one, I could imagine a child who combined the essence of Lucy and Gabe and then added his own twist to the mix becoming a screenwriter and going to UCLA and thinking and speaking exactly the way he did. I also loved seeing that Kate and Lucy still maintained their close relationship, that Lucy's kids had found love--and Darren had, too. Stylistically, I liked how the author used the back-and-forth, sliding-into-memories aspect of The Light We Lost as the structure for this piece, along with the plot echo of loved ones flying long distance to be at someone's bedside. I like how the author used Lucy as the "you" in this one, too, almost as a response to the final chapter of the book where Lucy uses her unborn child as the "you." - The Light We Lost author, Jill Santopolo.

"What You Never Said" by: Bethany Sampson @sampsonbee

Violet was the one who called me. She was on the phone, quietly breathing, crying. It was weird, because we usually can’t get her to stop talking, but with the exception of her sniffling, she was silent. And I knew, I just knew, it was you. I didn’t make Violet say it. I don’t even think Violet could’ve made herself say it. Kate beeped in, and I told Violet I’d be there as soon as I could, and then I switched over. Maggie was beside me, all wide, glassy eyes and bitten lips and destroyed fingernails, and so I went into the bathroom to talk to Kate, shutting the door tight behind me. I guess I was expecting Kate to tell me about you, to fill in the spaces Violet had left blank. Instead, she told me about him. The phone call from Violet had fucked up my night—my brain—in all sorts of ways, but it was the news from Kate that really did me in. Kate said you’d always planned to tell me when I turned eighteen, but then I chose UCLA, and she said you were afraid this would make me never come home again. But I know, Mom. And I’m still here.

I took the Red-Eye, but I couldn’t sleep. Maggie was curled up beside me, and maybe normally I would’ve cared that she was squeezing my hand to a point of near-breakage, but instead it kept me from feeling like I could float away completely. I was going to read, was going to do something other than think about you and think about him, but I couldn’t be the asshole using his overhead light, illuminating an otherwise dark plane. So I took out my laptop, and even though I meant to open up my script, to incorporate my professor’s latest feedback into the story—I think you’d really like this one—I opened up Google instead, typing each letter of his name until a series of photos appeared. I had to scroll through a lot, you know, until I found one of him, instead of just taken by him. I had to scroll past photos of a younger you and a broken world and a more hopeful tomorrow that’s only now coming. And then there he was. It sort of freaked me out a bit. Because I look like him. Everyone’s always said I look like you, I guess because I never looked like Dad. (Should I be calling him Darren now? It feels too strange to call him Darren now.) I want to be mad at you, but all I could think—all I can think—is how it must break your heart every time you look at me and see him.

Maggie is freaking out a little. No. She’s freaking out a lot, which I guess is only a little more than usual. If there’s no other reason to come back, Mom, please let it be for Maggie. I mean, God, not that you need or even want to know this right now—or ever, I guess—but we were about to have sex for the first time—and I mean really JUST about—when Violet called. Maggie read this article that said couples who wait sixty days to have sex are like a million percent more likely to stay together. It was just after one on Day Sixty when Violet called. It'd only been just after midnight when Maggie had shown up at my door. Gorgeous and nervous, though strangely a lot less nervous than usual. And when she kissed me, it was like I was the thing in life she was most certain about. I want you to know her, Mom. So you can see we’re both in this. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s work. It’s weird, because when Maggie was little, she used to have this imaginary friend named Gabe. And I know it’s just a coincidence, but you can’t be three months away from an undergraduate degree in film, and still believe that coincidences are just coincidences. In the movies, everything is fate. She had this weird life. Maggie, I mean. Or not weird, I guess. But hard. And not like love hard. But really hard. Shitty parents, mostly. And eventually she was adopted by the super not-shitty Greg and Leanne—you’d like them—but back then, she was alone. Had too many thoughts and no one to share them with. So, she imagined a boy named Gabe, and he listened to her problems, and he made her feel less alone. We were babysitting her foster sister, Riley, this past winter, and a nativity movie was playing idly in the background. When the angel, Gabriel, appeared, Maggie told me about her Gabe. Do you remember the Christmas after I transferred to St. Jude’s Prep, Mom? I was cast as Gabriel in the Christmas pageant. You got all weird, saying I should’ve stuck with secular public schools, and when you brought it up to Dad, he got all mad, told you he knew what this was really about. I didn’t get it. I was only seven, and what was wrong with angels? But I guess I get it now—your Gabe was also an angel. I told this story to Maggie that night. We were still only just friends, but already I wanted her to know everything. I told her how that day felt like the beginning of the end, how you and Dad were separated by the next Christmas, divorced by the one after that. I don’t talk about the divorce a lot. Not even with Violet and Liam. I guess because if I talked about it, I’d have to ask why it always seemed like Dad liked me less, resented me most. I guess, spoiler alert, because I wasn’t his. But he pretended I was, and you pretended I was, and I’m not sure I really get it. Maybe before you divorced it made sense to keep it a secret, but afterward? Unless you did it for me. Unless you both did it for me. Because you wanted me to have a dad? Because you didn’t want me to be left out from trips to Disney World with Liam and Violet, or miss out on the second Christmas at Dad and Ella’s, or summers spent in the Hamptons? And I’m grateful. I really am. But I guess, also, I still did feel left out. Like I never quite fit in. Because even if you pretended, even if Dad pretended, it was still always just a game of pretend. And it would’ve been nice to know why.

We’re all here now. Liam and Ryan, Violet and Annie Junior the Third. Have you met New Annie yet? She’s still in that yappy puppy stage, but she’s so fucking cute that I know when we get back to LA, Maggie’s going to try and con me into a trip to the animal shelter. And honestly, it probably won’t even require all that much conning. You’ve met Ryan though, right? Liam is so upside-down-in-love, I keep forgetting that they haven’t actually been together forever. But it’s nice. To see Liam this way. Happy. Even Dad and Ella are here. Their hands clasped together tightly, like they’re knotted in a joint prayer.

I started sobbing, somewhere between LA and NYC, twenty-thousand feet above the world. Maggie’s eyes stayed closed, but she squeezed me tighter, and it just kept hitting me—overoverover and over again—that you might be gone. That you soon could be gone. When I finally calmed down a bit, I went back online and found this site dedicated to Gabe’s photos, and I started scrolling through them. They were beautiful. Really fucking beautiful. And the thing that makes me most sad about all of this is that he never got the chance to see that things got a bit better. I mean, they got worse, too. But now they’re finally getter better. There’s hope. Real, visceral hope. And he could’ve documented the hell out of it. Do you remember that script I wrote freshman year? The shitty one about the werewolf? I keep thinking of that screenplay. How, beside my shit grade, my professor wrote, “Never lose your feverish hopefulness.” I don’t know. I was offended at the time, thinking I’d written an Oscar-worthy screenplay, and he was essentially calling me naïve. But I saw that photo of you, the one Gabe took of you asleep on the couch, still hugging your laptop and a script. I saw that, and I got it.

Wanting things, being hopeful for them, maybe even being a bit naïve—it’s not a bad thing. In fact, it kind of feels like the only thing.

We’re all here, in this too white, too bright, room. And we’re surrounding you, squeezing hands together, whispering prayers, finally all fitting in together. And we’re holding onto something, Mom. It’s hope, and light. And it’s you.

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/these-are-the-absolute-worst-stories-of-weird-things-an-ex-has-done-after-a-break-up/

These are the absolute worst stories of weird things an ex has done after a break up

We’ve all got ghosts from our past. Exes who rear their heads again as if we would ever want to hear from them after what they did. But alas, it happens to the best of us.

It’s not always a simple “let’s meet up and talk about this” text though, some of you have fucking weirdos in your past who will use anything to get back in contact, whether it’s Paypal or threatening to destroy a car. Yeah, we’ve all been there I guess.

Here’s a few of the weirdest stories I’ve ever heard about people’s exes. I’m scared.

Rose

My ex-boyfriend decided to take my car, which I had kindly lent him, to the scrap yard and get it crushed. He got £76.50 for it and put pictures of it on Facebook.

Peter

My ex-girlfriend called me eight weeks after we had broken up and asked “are we still together????”

James

I was out with all my mates at home. We were having a smoke when my ex-girlfriend came out of nowhere and punched me in square in the nose.

Sam

I drew my ex-girlfriend of two years a really nice picture of a tiger for her Christmas present. It took me ages, but when we broke up she gave it back, which was actually quite sad. However I got over it pretty quick when I found out she had sold the green Jack Wills gilet I had also bought her on eBay for £90.

The actual tiger picture. It’s quite good imo

Bill

My ex literally just tried to shag all of my mates.

Laura

When I was 17 my ex did a shit in a Ziploc bag and put it through my letterbox

Jack

I had broken up with my ex a couple of weeks before I was due to fly to Thailand. She had no plans to go away, but when I was on the beach I saw on Facebook she had checked herself into the airport with “Thailand here we come” as her status.

Harry

I’ve had all my possessions returned to me in a bag and then she tried to force her way into my car for “one more hug and maybe a kiss”, I drove off and she hit the back of the car and then text me saying that I should die.

Molly

The worst thing my ex did was hack into my Facebook and message loads of boys from my uni on the weekend being like “omg isn’t it funny we hooked up last night!!!”

He wanted to see if I’d got with anyone and whether any of the boys would reply. The annoying thing is I didn’t check my messages, so all my uni mates thought I was nuts.

Lucie

My old boyfriend from three years ago replied to a Snapchat of my current boyfriend and my dog saying “get that man away from my dog”. We hadn’t spoken in months.

Amy

My sister and brother were invited to dinner with my ex-boyfriend three after we split. I was not invited, obviously.

Simon

I had bought tickets for me and my ex to go and watch Michael McIntyre. We broke up, and a couple of months after she text me to say she accidentally got something delivered to my house. Turns out she took the tickets for herself, as well as my watch and razor – which is weird.

Miles

I’d broken up with my girlfriend as I was going off to uni and didn’t see it continuing, but a few months later we both found ourselves at the weekly student night in our town. I left quite early and after I was already tucked up in bed when I get a call from her saying she’s missed the last train home and can she stay over as she lived quite far away.

At this point I was living in a house just me and my mate so I say “I’ll leave a key out and the sofa is free” and then go back to sleep. My ex ended up sleeping in my housemates room and my housemate on the sofa, when I woke up and found my housemate on the sofa, we then both heard a girl and a guy giggling upstairs.

A few minutes later my ex is then rushing some guy out of the door hoping we don’t see but we’re watching them scamper away from the window finding it all pretty jokes.

Me and my housemate go off to work and when we get back home that evening my ex, who worked at Costa at the time, is waiting outside armed with £25 worth of Costa cakes and pastries by way of an apology.

Jack

I went on a group holiday with my ex two weeks after we broke up, we had an argument and she tried to throw a tv at me and push me off a seventh floor hotel balcony.

James

A girl on my course cheated on her bf so many times, and when they broke up they still went on holiday together and shared a room. She kept bringing back other lads to the room and made him wait outside of the room, and one night he kicked off about it so she broke his nose.

Millie

After we had broken up my ex sent me a long voicemail of just him crying down the phone.

George

I had been going out with this girl for about six months but broke it off and pretty soon afterwards started seeing someone else. We were at a club one night and bumped into my ex who obviously did not enjoy seeing me out with someone new.

Next thing I know she’s screamed “HEEEEYA” and karate kicked me in the dick. The weirdness of what had just happened meant I was kind of distracted from the intense pain.

Lily

An ex of mine is a musician, and has a band out in Spain which is kinda good. But, when we broke up, he wrote a song about me called ‘Miss Unnecessary Sass’. He then performed the song on stage, in front of his new girlfriend, and sent me videos of him singing it. His new girlfriend loved it, but doesn’t know that it’s about me. It goes nicely with his sun tattoo on his arm.

Alicia

My ex literally followed me home after I broke up with him. It was actually really scary, he was like 100 yards ish behind me just following where I went and it was quite late at night. I just rang my friend and ran to the nearest tube station to get away from him.

Sasha

I slept with my ex about a week after we’d split up when I was drunk and then he had to drive me home the next day. It was so awkward, I didn’t want to be there and he could tell, it was the most horrible car journey for about half an hour he was crying and I was pretending I couldn’t tell.

Just to add to it, ‘When I was your man’ started playing on the radio. After about 20 minutes I saw a pigeon in the road and it just wasn’t moving. My ex ran it clean over, nothing more was said. When I got back to mine he texted saying nothing more than just “the pigeon is dead”. Then he joined the navy. The next day.

Kate

Me and my ex had a pretty rocky breakup so I blocked him on everything. But then everyday he would paypal me 1p with a different reference. Something like “please reply” or “answer me” was quite common. He also emailed my housemate a picture that said “I love you” with the subject “pass on to Kate”.

Victoria

My ex was a mechanic and after we broke up he sent me a picture of my uncle’s car in his garage. He knew the personal number plate so knew it was someone in my family that the car belonged to. He captioned it “mad how I could fuck up this car right now”. I sent the text to the mechanics and he got fired.

@annabelfmurphy

Source: https://thetab.com/uk/2018/08/05/these-are-the-absolute-worst-stories-of-weird-things-an-ex-has-done-after-a-break-up-76277

[possibilitiesofwyatt]

S1E1 “Pilot” Episode Rewatch Commentary

Here it goes!

Spoiler alert-- I am writing this after having watched the full season. 

Ok, I didn’t know much about the Hindenburg before this, so I read a short book about it and got a sense of its significance. 

Hey, we meet Lucy, giving what is probably a not-so-traditional history lecture, meant to show us what a great teacher she is, excited about history. Oh yes, Lucy is actually the only one who has another job (since Wyatt is assigned to the mission, and Rufus is well... in Mason Industries). I wonder whether they will come back to the thread that Lucy (whom we are told later has a fearsome reputation in her field) is being passed over for tenure-- a Rittenhouse conspiracy so that she can do something else?

And this episode is the only episode we actually see real Amy, but it was pretty short. But we know she is definitely in Lucy’s corner and she wants Lucy to “make her own future”! 

Ooh, mission control. It does look similar to the NASA mission control with all the computers facing the same view. And later everyone will clap when the lifeboat goes off, just like I saw in Apollo 13! Evil looking people about to attack it.. Ooh Matt Frewer! It’s been a while-- I used to watch him on Psi Factor and oh yes Sherlock Holmes. Oh, Taco Tuesday is a hint that Anthony is good (or at least conflicted) as he’s trying to get Rufus and Jiya out of the building before Flynn arrives. But Flynn must be a little ahead of schedule... 

I find it hard to believe that they didn’t have paperweights before this...  but it did make a good comedic moments for a couple of episodes. 

And Lucy gets the call! Arrives at scary Mason Industries building late at night with perfect makeup. Her uptight manner contrasts with the dude chilling on the seat across, our first look at Wyatt Logan. Yes, introduce us to these characters through Agent Christopher. Abigail Spencer doing a good job of showing Lucy’s awkwardness (running gag that shows the show not taking itself too seriously, which I like. Most memorable when Lucy is trying to rescue Wyatt in S1E6). 

Expository stuff about Garcia Flynn and time travel... we don’t have to get too technical here. Skepticism slowly having to melt to belief.. and isn’t it great that the CPUs of the two machines are connected! Lucky them. Lucy is really smart! Just by seeing the date and place she knows where they have gone... but no one knows why...Lucy runs away from the madness, but we know she’s going to get into the machine.   

“I think someone who loved history would want to save it”... but a historian doesn’t necessarily always want what has happened before to happen again, right? Oh, but it’s the chance to actually see history that makes Lucy change her mind. Later Agent Christopher says... “Don’t be noticed... don’t change anything...” But I never really felt Lucy was so attached to history as it is. But ok, let’s run with it. 

And... Rufus! In a hushed conversation with Connor Mason. I never quite understood why, if he was just a coder and doesn’t like to leave his desk, why he was trained to be a pilot-- which obviously involves travelling in time, and the fact that he is such a good pilot (see how Jiya has so much trouble in training) must mean.. he has traveled through time before? Although since Jiya asks him how it was at the end of the episode, maybe it was his first time? Very remiss of Connor Mason to only have 2 living pilots, having lost at least 2 (the guy who went back to his own time, and Emma) and not be already training another one (though obviously he gets on it later in the season). 

Yay, they get into the time machine and that’s when they get introduced, underscoring what a hurried job this is..  Given Lucy’s history with the car, the fact that she can get into the time machine is amazing... she may be scared, but she is doing things that she’s scared of. That kind of thing I can admire. And contrast that with chill Wyatt. And, off they go. 

I wonder if they can control where they land! What if they landed on some poor cow? Or person? How do they always land in a nice isolated spot where no one can find their machine? Did Connor Mason invent a cloaking device as well?

It disturbs me that Lucy is the first one out of the lifeboat! Surely the soldier should be the first one to scope out the land? Maybe it’s meant to underscore 1) Lucy’s eagerness to experience history 2) Wyatt’s motion sickness. And now they have to come to grips with the fact that they are in the past... and they take a bus. All right, I don’t know about US currency, but given they had so much trouble finding historically inaccurate clothing, wouldn’t they have had trouble finding some historically accurate currency? But they took the bus and bought a paper, so that musn’t be an issue. 

Oh no, no one really seems to care about Rufus’s experience in the back of the bus. And he is left outside the tavern too. Ok, time travel tropes like using the wrong lingo, wearing the wrong clothes (pyjamas!) coming into play. We see Wyatt getting distracted, either he is an unrepentant flirt or he has a sad backstory which compels him to put his mission at risk.

Now Lucy tells the guys that Kate only has a short time left to live, and her stoicism makes Wyatt livid, but this tells us that yes, Lucy really doesn’t want to change history and her mission is to make sure history stays the same. At the landing site is Lucy’s turn to shine! She knows the commander’s name and comes up with a plausible excuse for hunting someone. Wyatt smirks, he is impressed! They go searching and Wyatt tried to rescue Kate, which leads to them losing track of Lucy. I would have preferred maybe one episode showing Wyatt’s soldierly competence first before he gets blown off course.    

Gasp, history has been changed! And Lucy is in trouble but they find her in time to save her... Wyatt kills someone and both Lucy and Rufus are horrified! But Lucy is more horrified that the timeline has been changed (on hindsight, for good reason too, because that made Amy disappear). But Wyatt is happy that 37 people (including Kate) have lived. Rufus gets to use his techy skills while Wyatt and Lucy can argue over bringing a modern gun (which we see Lucy changes her mind about in S1E14) and whether things can be messy. I appreciate the show taking time to talk about such things...

They find that the walkie is a detonator...but why would Flynn need a detonator when the bomb could be timed? Or did he only install the timer when his detonator got taken away by the Time Team? 

The Team is in prison... chance to expound on Wyatt’s sad backstory and his guilt, and his motivation for being open to change history... if this is real, maybe he has a chance to get Jessica back. 

“What the hell kind of a gun is this” and Lucy gives Wyatt her best “I told you so” look. Wyatt stares back, then the lightbulb goes on! He’s finally showing some of his skills, but his plan requires teamwork from the Time Team! Rufus with a distraction, Lucy with the raw material, and Wyatt with the lock-picking and success! A “Well done Rufus” and “It was amazing” later, they are running out to save the outgoing Hindenburg. 

Stroke of luck meeting Kate and finding the bomb really quickly, although not before the airship leaves the ground really calmly. I was in a hot air balloon recently and was impressed by how gentle the whole experience was. Wyatt faces the bomb and Lucy can now see the need to make thing up as they go along because, well, she doesn’t know what’s going to happen now. Although Lucy still looks petrified even when she is pointing a knife at the pilots. 

Back to Wyatt and Kate and some relaxing talk before Flynn’s baddie comes by swinging a chopper. With some teamwork they put him down and Wyatt defuses the bomb. But the Hindenburg still catches fire due to the baddie’s bullet. Thankfully it’s pretty near the ground, so the Time Team has saved the day, although it’s still panic as people run away. 

Flynn confronts Lucy and we finally get a chance to learn more about our complex villain. He shows her her notebook. I thought this line was interesting, “I know who you’re meant to be, Lucy, and it isn’t a teacher.” Did he know she would not be put up for tenure? Wyatt does the sensible thing and leaves Kate to “have a good life” and comes to do his job ie protect Lucy. 

I did think that Flynn’s certainty that he wouldn’t shoot was something he learned from the book (not because he was just trying to mess with Wyatt’s mind). When Wyatt does shoot, it does give Flynn food for thought about how reliable the book is for everything (although it’s probably generally true). Wyatt’s aim proves to be great (Lucy is still alive!), but I feel like given this level of skill we are now supposed to think he has, he should have been able to get to Flynn sometime within the next couple of episodes. But if he did, we wouldn’t have a chance to have the redemptive villain arc, so...

Kate dies, everyone is very sad, especially Wyatt, who tried so hard to save her and yet couldn’t...Foreshadowing much?

They arrive back in the present safely, Lucy has messy hair but her white blouse is still oh so white (this is a Tide ad, isn’t it?) and they run through the “spot the difference” with Mason and Agent Christopher. I shouldn’t think too much about the fact that if they change history, when they come back, they’re the only ones who know it has been changed... so no one else would be sad as it’s the only history they have known anyway...

Lucy is still agitated over how history has been changed, though. Then she mentions she spoke to him (so why are they so angry when they learn she has spoken to him again later?). Lucy tries to confront Agent Christopher about “Rittenhouse” and why she was selected but Agent Christopher claims ignorance. Which begs the question, why was Wyatt selected? Out of all the Delta Force operators, why him? Is this another Rittenhouse machination? 

Lucy’s smarts come to the fore again when she reasons what Flynn’s motivations are.. sounds very doomsday... from the US point of view. 

Oh dear, Rufus is a spy of some sort! When will his secret be revealed?

Now Lucy and Wyatt get some alone time and Lucy tries to hypothesize that maybe some things are meant to be, which Wyatt scoffs at. Oh, sweet moment between Jiya and Rufus. Before we go back to sad Wyatt, sad Flynn, and tired Lucy. 

I’m jealous at the size of Lucy’s house! there is a pillar in the middle of the kitchen. Oh look, Lucy’s mum is Moira Queen! This already gives her a sinister vibe. Susanna Thompson must be on a run of twistedly loving mothers. Amy’s gone, wiped out from the photos... and now Lucy must head straight back!

When do they ever sleep? But I need to! Not sure I’ll get to finish Season 1 before Season 2 starts, but at least I’ve stared.     

Sections I hope to have in each episode:

When Wyatt Smoulders :) :   “You can stop calling me ma’am”. Slow eye opening and smirk. “Help us. Please” Puppy eyes. Why was Flynn there: we don’t have any idea, other than Lucy’s guess that he was trying to destroy America. Why did he choose that as his first stop? And...  How did he get Lucy’s diary from the future even before any time travel machine stealing?

Historical Nuggets: 

1. Kate Drummond did not exist :(  

2. There has been no definitive conclusion on why the airship caught fire. Flynn must know something no one else does, then, if he managed to keep it from catching fire! Although Lucy seems as certain as he does. 

Historical book I read: What Was the Hindenburg

(Please also look up the book at your local bookstore or library.)

Random Musings:

I feel like it would be more entertaining if every time they came back something else weird happened, like Chocodiles were names Chocogators or something, which would be unrelated to the mission (like a new James Bond movie).  Frivolous things. It seems like after the first episode showing a butterfly effect (small change to Hindenburg makes Amy disappear and makes Lucy engaged), they actually come back to really similar futures even though in future episodes they do change history quite a bit.

Hm, they haven’t really talked much about Wyatt’s drinking throughout the season... I wonder if they meant to make it an issue. 

And, what if, they accidentally did something that caused Connor Mason not to be born? How would that work? But I shouldn’t spend too much on time travel paradoxes. Part of the fun of this show is that it doesn’t dwell too much on this and even shows that they’re avoiding it eg really bad things happen if you go back to a time where you already exist! So we can focus on cool history stuff and character development! 

It’s still entertaining!

Kudos:

And I must mention the glorious tumblr jbuffyangel.tumblr.com which is my model for a great tumblr. For quite a lot of episodes (especially in the bad seasons), her episode reviews are much more enjoyable than watching the episodes themselves (not that I want that to happen here). If I hadn’t come across her blog, I definitely would not be writing this.   

[hatchetation]

Hello!!

Brace yourself pls cuz it's gonna be a long rant!

CAN I JUST SAY HOW CHAOTIC THE LAST KACY SCENE WAS!!!

Tbh I actually don't mind the break-up scene but the writing was so.... I don't have nice words for it. Dont get me wrong, the execution was brilliant; Tori & Yas nailed it but the dialogue tho.... 🙃

I was talking to another tumblr buddy and we agreed that it was out of character for Kate to "let things fizzle out" because mind you this is the same woman who had no qualms telling Lucy they couldn't "be doing it again". I think what she did to Cara was essentially ghosting. She didn't want to have that difficult conversation so she ghosted her and then dragged it for months until Cara literally showed up at her apartment. Im going to digress here a bit and say CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW CARA MIGHT HAVE FELT NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY STAND FOR MONTHS??? HOW THESE WOMEN NAVIGATE RELATIONSHIPS IS A QUESTION THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT THE ANSWERS TO!

Then our precious Kate said smth like if she told Lucy about Cara, Lucy would end it. EXCUSE ME!! FUCKING EXCUSE ME!! (OKAY YOU CAN TELL THAT I AM FURIOUS) You know when she said that, it could mean that she actually considered telling Lucy because she knew deep down it wasn't officially over with Cara because she hasnt put it in words. Like yes it's over in your head but until you tell the other person, IT IS NOT!!! You're aware you have not ended it officially with Cara but instead of dealing with it properly, you chose to let it fizzle out?? Help me understand here pls! I'm mad at the writing!

Before I end? CAN WE JUST HIGHLIGHT THE ABSURDITY OF KATE HAVING THE TIME TO AGREE ON PIZZA BUT NO TIME TO END THINGS WITH CARA! PRIORITIES WHISTLER PRIORITIES! OKAY IM JUST BEING PETTY AT THIS POINT AND THEY PROBABLY INCLUDED THAT FOR TENSION AND ALL... BUT STILL!

I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.

Also it might feel like I'm shouting at you, I'm not. Hahaha.

Haha don't worry, I didn't take your capitalizations as shouting at me lol. I think your outrage is totally fair!! That last scene was chaotic and for me completely unexpected--I'm def STILL processing (and maybe will be processing for a while lol).

I totally agree that Kate is such an IDIOT and like breaking up with someone sucks and is hard but you have to bite the bullet sometimes and just do the hard thing!! I will say there is some new fic on ao3 that provides a timeline for Cara coming over and stuff that makes sense to me and leaves me being like, Kate is still an idiot but I get how this could happen.

Anyway somewhat related I know that I have posted a bunch of things about leaning into the angst, but I also just want to say that your anger (and the anger of many people in my inbox lol) is so valid! Especially for queer women, we've been burned so many times by tv shows (either by queerbaiting or someone being killed off or what have you) that it's hard not to feel a sense of betrayal when something like this happens. I will say it's so early on and I have overall thought the writing for #kacy is really good so at this point I'm just curious to see where this goes!!!

[jenmedsbookreviews]

So. You will all be delighted to learn that I survived my two day meeting. So did my management team so that’s nice. For them. For now … Other momentous achievements in the week, as there have been few I have to be brutally honest, I achieved the ‘Approved’ badge on Netgalley where in one day I doubled my auto approval status from two to four publishers. Go me. exciting times ahead.

Or something.

In more exciting news, for the first time since around Christmas, I received book post. Not one book. Not even two books. Four books! Yes folks, four lovely jubbly books. I am beside myself with excitement. Well I am beside the cat who is lying across my feet as I work on my laptop, but if I rename her ‘Myself with Excitement’ then I am strictly not lying. It is harder to remember than Luna and in all honesty she doesn’t look exactly impressed, but I’m sure with time we’ll both get used to it. It’s more polite than the names I usually call her when she bounces off my head at three in the morning.

But you probably aren’t interested in my domestic arrangements so I’ll tell you about the books instead. First up was a double header from Orenda, two books I am very excited about reading. One was We Were The Salt Of The Sea by Roxanne Bouchard, the second, and this induced a small amount of bounciness to be fair, was Keeper by Johana Gustawsson. I know right? Super happy book blogger over here then. I also received two more books, no less exciting than the first two, in the shape of Evidence of Death by Peter Ritchie and Kate Riordan’s The Stranger, although technically that one is for Mandie who is taking part in the blog tour on behalf of Jen Med’s.

Aren’t they pretty? I’ve concluded that book post is like buses. You wait for weeks then loads come along at once. I am going to assume the bus/bookpost union is going to declare a strike agin now for a few weeks but it was fun while it lasted. Not to be deterred, and because it would be a shame not to use my new found auto-approved statuses, I may have downloaded a few books from the old Netgalley. Purely for blog tours – lets not go mad now.

I found it absolutely necessary to pick up the following treats: Found Drowned by BK Duncan; The Craftsman by Sharon Bolton; The Pact by SE Lynes and The Little Cottage On The Hill by Emma Davies. Blog tours books. Each and every one, I swear.

Depending on your point of view (i.e. whather or not you own Amazon) I’ve been pretty good purchase wise this week. Sort of. Just a few new preorders and books I realised I hadn’t preordered that i should have. You know? The essentials. First up was Blue Night by Simone Buchholz; a Quick Reads title – Clean Break by Tammy Cohen; Killer On The Run and Hidden Agenda by MA Comley; Finders Keepers by KT Finch and White Lies by Lucy Dawson.

A couple of audible purchase may have fell into my shopping basket too. This Is How It Ends by Eva Dolan; The Wicked Cometh by Laura Carlin; The Silent Wife by Kerry Fisher.

Lots of road trips coming up. I need the company. As I was quite bogged down with meetings this week, I’ve been struggling with the reading. Still managed to clear a few, and fluffing good reads they were too. One confused the fluff out of me mind as the central family’s name was Lucas, the character had and Aunt Jenny (Lucas) and her father was Patrick (Pat). Pat happens to have been my mother’s name. Talk about yer deja vu moments …

Books I Have Read

Perfect Death – Helen Fields

There’s no easy way to die…

Unknown to DI Luc Callanach and the newly promoted DCI Ava Turner, a serial killer has Edinburgh firmly in his grip. The killer is taking his victims in the coldest, most calculating way possible – engineering slow and painful deaths by poison, with his victims entirely unaware of the drugs flooding their bloodstream until it’s too late.

But how do you catch a killer who hides in the shadows? A killer whose pleasure comes from watching pain from afar? Faced with their most difficult case yet, Callanach and Turner soon realise they face a seemingly impossible task…

The third book in the Luc Callanach series, I’ll be reviewing this as part of the blog tour this time next week. perhaps slightly slower in pace than the others, or maybe that was just me, it was no less tense nad the risks for Luc and Eva as high as ever. You can order your own copy right here.

…

The Reunion – Samantha Hayes

They were all there the day your sister went missing. Who is lying? Who is next?

THEN – In charge of her little sister at the beach, Claire allowed Eleanor to walk to the shop alone to buy an ice cream. Placing a coin into her hand, Claire told her to be quick, knowing how much she wanted the freedom.

Eleanor never came back.

NOW – The time has finally come to sell the family farm and Claire is organising a reunion of her dearest friends, the same friends who were present the day her sister went missing.

When another girl disappears, long-buried secrets begin to surface. One of the group hides the darkest secret of them all…

This is it. The book that confused me. Doesn’t take much. Tense and littered with secrets, this book gripped me from the off, taking only a few hours to devour. My review will be published soon but you can preorder your own copy here.

…

The Collector – Fiona Cummins

Jakey escaped with his life and moved to a new town. His rescue was a miracle but his parents know that the Collector is still out there, watching, waiting . . .

Clara, the girl he left behind, dreams of being found. Her mother is falling apart but she will not give up hope.

The Collector has found an apprentice to take over his family’s legacy.  But he can’t forget the one who got away and the detective who destroyed his dreams.

DS Etta Fitzroy must hunt him down before his obsession destroys them all.

I have been sitting on this book (not literally) since the summer, promising myself I would read it, but thinking I should wait a little closer to publication. I loved Rattle. Could The Collector leave me with the same feeling? Well, you’ll find out very soon when I publish my review but you can order your own copy for Kindle right now. Hardback is out in a couple of weeks and can be ordered here.

…

Quick Reads: Inspector Chopra and the Million Dollar Motor Car – Vaseem Khan

An enchanting Baby Ganesh Agency short story: a million-dollar car is missing. Chopra has two days to find it, or the gangster who bought it will not be happy.

The Premier No.1 Garage is the place to go in Mumbai if you want a luxury car. Even Mumbai’s biggest gangster shops there – he’s just ordered a classic race car worth millions.

But now the car is gone. Stolen from a locked room, in the middle of the night.

Who stole it? The mechanic who is addicted to gambling? The angry ex-worker? The car thief pulling off one last job?

And how on earth did they make it vanish from the locked garage?

Inspector Chopra has just days to find the culprit – and the missing car – before its gangster owner finds out … and takes violent revenge.

Does exactly what it says on the tin. About an hours worth of a very fun Chopra and Ganesha adventure here which had me chuckling and smiling. If you love the series as I do, you won’t want to miss out so you can orders your own copy here. If you haven’t read any Chopra books, it’s a really goo taster of what you are missing.

…

Quick Reads: Cut Off – Mark Billingham

Step into a thrilling Quick Read from number one bestselling crime fiction author Mark Billingham. It’s the moment we all fear: losing our phone, leaving us cut off from family and friends. But, for Louise, losing hers in a local café takes her somewhere much darker.

After many hours of panic, Louise is relieved when someone gets in touch offering to return the phone. From then on she is impatient to get back to normal life.

But when they meet on the beach, Louise realises you should be careful what you wish for…

Another quick read title but one which will certainly make you stop and think about how over connected we are to our phones and technology and what happens when you lose it. Do you also lose sight of the danger right in front of your eyes if only viewing the world through the sight on your camera phone? You can order your own copy here.

…

That was it. Not too much, not too shabby. Probably just right all things considered. I had a pretty full on week on the blog as well, sticking to my resolution of cutting back and posting every day …

Bloody Scotland: Stars of Scottish crime writing to get bloody in Kolkata

Guest Review: Dancing Over The Hill by Cathy Hopkinsths

Review: The Legacy by Yrsa Sigurdardottir

#BlogTour: Little Liar by Clare Boyd

#BlogTour: We Own The Sky by Luke Allnutt

#BlogTour: Black Heart by Anna-Lou Weatherley

#BlogTour: Dark Angel by Helen Durrant

Cover Reveal: Rachel Amphlett – Kay Hunter is back … soon

No so busy week coming up but still managed to shoe-horn in a couple of blog tours with Killed by Thomas Enger on Wednesday, Blue Night by Simone Buchholz on Friday and The Lying Kind by Alison James on Saturday.

This week is a bit mixed. Health and Safety meeting tomorrow morning (boo hiss) followed by the afternoon off and a trip down to London for First Monday Crime (yay!!!!!!). Back to Londinium on Wednesday as I am visiting a unit but otherwise I will be desk bound, no doubt messing with something in excel. I usually am and as month end has been and gone while I was in other meetings, I have quite a bit to catch up on. My life is so glam. Not. Did manage to book tickets for the Orenda Roadshow in Warwick in a couple of weeks though, so not all bad.

Have a fabulous week all. See you on the other side.

Jen

  Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 04/02/18 So. You will all be delighted to learn that I survived my two day meeting. So did my management team so that's nice.