#where is the complete boxed set. i need it on my bookshelf. its criminal that hbo rome is on my shelf but black sails isnt

[attila-werther]

:)

[wwoww-au]

All That Glitters

Dark and Abe strode in through the Great Library’s entrance. Shelves stuffed with books towered over them, ascending out of view. They had been there plenty of times before on past cases for information, but they still didn’t know quite where they needed to go. No one did. The whole place was like an ever-shifting labyrinth. One day the Ancient Middle-Eastern History section would be south by southeast, the next it would be on the third floor due west. It was easy to get hopelessly lost.

The only one who had any clue where anything was located was the head librarian, Google, who was mostly referred to as G. The detectives cautiously approached the large desk in the center of the room where G was sitting with his face in a book. The book had no title on its cover, but he seemed to be enjoying it, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Beside him, a deep blue quill was writing on its own against a stack of papers. Upon further inspection, Dark could just barely read the numbers of pi being put in order. He matched Abe’s equally confused glance, but they shook it off. The Library was a life form of its own, and no one asked questions if they wanted to keep their sanity intact. Abe cleared his throat before speaking up.

“Good to see you, G,” Abe greeted. “We were wondering if you could help us on a case we’re working on.”

G flipped a page of his book, and for a moment, Dark wasn’t sure if the librarian had heard Abe or not. The quill gently brushed aside the paper at the top of the stack before continuing onto the next sheet.

“What is it you need exactly?” G asked, not looking up from his book. He seemed mostly disinterested in the two. If anything, Dark would have guessed he was slightly irritated at being interrupted.

“We’re trying to track down someone named ‘Marvin the Magnificent.’ He’s a conman of some sort, might have ties to Warfstache,” Dark explained, eager to get on with the case. G said nothing for a moment until he flipped to the next page in his book. Dark tapped their foot impatiently.

“My apprentice will help you with that,” G said casually, picking up a quill and jotting something down on a notepad. Abe and Dark looked at each other in confusion. Having an apprentice in itself wasn’t too odd; plenty of wizards had apprentices. Google, however, hadn’t had an apprentice in years, ever since the last one went missing in the Dead Zone.

“Since when did you have an apprentice?” Abe asked. Considering he was the head of a department that regularly used the library’s resources, it was weird for him not to have been told. He should have been updated as soon as the apprentice was taken on.

“He was assigned to me last month.” G checked a nearby clock, frowning a bit before going back to his book. “He should be along right about now, actually.”

That didn’t make any sense either. Classes at the Academy had only ended a couple of weeks earlier, and the selection process for special jobs like this usually took a while. How could he have been assigned a month ago?

Just as Dark started to question Google’s sanity, they heard a scream from above, followed by a loud thud and a quiet “Ow…” coming from behind them. Turning around, they spotted the end of a portal closing and a newly disrupted pile of books.

“Ah, there he is,” G said, looking completely unfazed by his apprentice’s entrance. “Detectives, this is my apprentice, Bing. You may call him ‘B.’” G gestured to the teen, who was now jumping up from the ground as if he didn’t just fall from the ceiling.

“Suh dudes,” B greeted, a happy grin plastered on his face. “I finished organizing the Portal section like you asked, G.”

“Excellent, but I have a new task for you. B, these two are from the Crime Department. They’re trying to find one ‘Marvin the Magnificent.’ Go fetch his file and the Map, would you? The file is in the Biographies section, and the Map is in the Magical Objects section, Heart subsection,” G ordered, his voice never changing from its uninterested tone. “You’ll know it when you see it.” B sighed, his smile fading into a dejected frown for a brief second. He perked up again quickly though, waving to the detectives before running down the aisle of bookshelves directly behind G’s desk and disappearing from sight.

G turned to watch B run off before finally getting up from his desk and walking between Abe and Dark as if they weren’t even there. He crouched down, picking up an armful of the books B had knocked over and carrying them over to the nearest bookshelf. The two detectives only watched as he began placing books on the shelf without any apparent rhyme or reason.

“So.. how’s the apprentice?” Abe said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“Good,” G replied, placing one last book before turning to look at him. “It’s nice to have an extra set of hands around here. A bit dull-minded, but he has… potential.”

“What made you choose him? I mean, he seems so… different from you,” Dark asked. They weren’t usually one to delve into gossip, but they couldn’t not ask questions when they saw a mystery. The difference they’d picked up on just observing the two for less than a minute was clearer than night and day. Bing was enthusiastic, sociable, and kind, while Google was… well, Google wasn’t.

“I didn’t,” G said as if he expected Dark to understand exactly what he meant. As he walked back over to his desk, a loud roar was heard from somewhere to the left, followed by a scream from what had to be B.

“What do you mean, you didn’t choose him?” Dark asked, now only more confused and eyeing with fear the direction the sounds had come from. G looked off towards the distant sounds and sighed.

“I told him not to cut through the Deep Sea section again... “ he huffed, voice as monotone as ever. “As to the answer to your question, it’s like I said. I didn’t choose him. Simple as that.”

Dark opened their mouth to ask more questions, but was distracted by movement to their right. They could see someone sprinting down one of the aisles, and as they got closer they could see that the person was B. The apprentice skidded to a stop once he reached the central circle, collapsing onto his knees in an exhausted pile of sweat, salt water, and scarf. He held a file and box above his head like trophies, proud that he had even made it out alive.

“Thank you, B, now go file that under ‘Children’s Books’,” G said, taking the objects from him and dismissively pointing him toward a cart of books. B groaned, but stumbled to his feet and trudged over to the cart anyway.

“I’m assuming you have something belonging to the criminal? It won’t work without it,” G said, clearing away some space and placing the file and box on his desk. He opened the box and looked pointedly at Abe, who dug into his pocket and pulled out the glittering business card, taking a couple steps forward to hand it to G. He examined the card closely.

“It’s preferable to use an object that the person cherishes, but I suppose this will do.” G placed the card inside the box and closed the lid. He held his hands above the box, a cloud of light blue sparks enveloping it. “Once you open the lid, you’ll only have a few hours before the spell wears off and the map becomes useless.” When the last of the sparks faded away, he pushed the box across the desk. “Good luck, detectives.”

“Thank you, G,” Dark said, taking the box with their free hand and tucking it and the file under their arm. The librarian only nodded and picked his book up again, making it clear that the conversation was now over. Abe and Dark exchanged uncomfortable looks before stepping outside and onto the long marble staircase.

Dark stumbled and nearly dropped the map G had given them as they almost collided with someone coming up the stairs. Dark was ready to snap at whatever rookie hadn’t been watching where they were going, but stopped when they realized who they’d run into.

Doctor Henrik von Schneeplestein brushed his sleeve, a mildly irritated look creasing his brow as it usually did. Flecks of gray peppered his dark brown hair, and his glasses sat askew across his face, slightly obscuring the doctor’s dull blue-gray eyes. He was wearing the same thing he always seemed to be wearing; a dark blueish black tunic with black pants and tall dark boots. He backed down a few steps, moving to the side to let Dark and Abe pass.

“Sorry, Doctor,” Dark apologized, stepping back as well to push the library door back open for Henrik. “I didn’t see you there.”

Henrik made no move to step inside the library, only eying Dark with a look they couldn’t quite interpret. Sympathy, perhaps. “It’s fine,” he sighed, straightening his glasses. “And don’t bother. I can’t go in.”

Dark awkwardly let the door shut behind them and glanced over at Abe briefly before looking back at Henrik. “Why not?” They knew Henrik had done something unforgivable in the past, and that was why his magic item was broken, but no one had told them why. Whenever Dark asked, they were always met with uncomfortable glances and awkward excuses.

“Something a long time ago,” Henrik answered, sounding suddenly much more tired than he usually did. “Regardless, the library doesn’t want me going inside again, and personally, I don’t blame it.” The doctor leaned against the ornate metal banister, slowly lowering himself to sit down on the stairs. “You two seem very busy,” he added, forcing a polite smile. “I’ll let you carry on your business.”

“What about G-”

“He knows I’m here,” Henrik interrupted. “He’ll be out in a moment.”

Dark opened his mouth to volunteer to get G for Henrik, but was stopped by Abe tugging on their sleeve. The head detective shook his head and started walking down the stairs. Dark followed close behind, giving Henrik one last glance as they descended before he disappeared out of view.

.

.

After reading Marvin’s file, Dark expected that he would be hiding somewhere large and glamorous, like Las Vegas. Somewhere fast paced, with lots of people and plenty of entertainment. Instead, they found themself walking through the streets of a small Mundane town in eastern Europe. While there were a few tourists, it definitely didn’t scream ‘flamboyant con-wizard’ to Dark, but there had to be clues around somewhere. As they and Abe walked into the town square, they spotted colorful buildings, a large fountain, a green cart, and numerous posters taped up all over the place. On the buildings, the lampposts, the giant fountain thing in the middle, and more just blowing around in the wind. Abe managed to grab one and showed it to Dark. It was a green piece of paper, an advertisement for a show, one side written in Czech, but the other thankfully in English.

“‘Come see Marvin The Magnificent today! Show starts at 12:00, look for the green cart,’” Dark read. Checking their watch, they had about forty-five minutes until then.

“Guess we found our clue,” Abe muttered, stuffing the ad in one of his many coat pockets. Dark followed closely behind him to the flamboyant cart, scanning it up and down. It was rather large, four wheeled and attached to a horse that was laser focused on pulling what little grass it could snatch growing out of the pavement. It was all very green, and seemed to be one of those carts that could extend into a small stage. There was a door on one end of it which Abe spotted and knocked on, and some shuffling sounds could be heard from the inside.

“Just a second!” A sing-songy voice called out from inside. The door opened to reveal a masked man wearing a shiny blue bathrobe, with tall sparkly green boots covering the visible parts of his legs. Long, equally glittery green gloves went halfway up his arms. “I have to finish my- oh. Well, hello there. What brings you two to my humble home? The magic show isn’t for another forty minutes.”

“Are you Marvin the Magnificent?” Dark asked, straight to the point. Clearly he recognized them as wizards, but apparently was deciding to play ignorant. Probably didn’t want his cover blown in a town full of mundanes.

“Yes, the one and only!” Marvin answered cheerfully, taking a sweeping bow. “Did you want an autograph? Or maybe you’d be more interested in some of my wares? I do have quite a few exotic items if you’d like. Usually I wait until after the show to open shop, but I think I could make—”

“We’re not here for your show, or your shop,” Abe snapped, tapping his foot impatiently. “We need— Hey! Are you listening to me?” Marvin had retreated some into his cart, muttering under his breath as he dug through something Dark couldn’t see. Turning back, he adjusted his robe and looked down at Dark and Abe, appearing slightly apologetic.

“Sorry, dears,” Marvin sighed dramatically. “I’m a bit busy at the moment. Perhaps you could come back after the show?” He leaned heavily against the doorframe, letting his bathrobe slide off of one shoulder seductively. Dark looked down at their feet, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

Abe let out a tired groan and rubbed his temples with one hand. “Fine,” he grunted, glaring at Marvin. “We’ll see you after your show.”

Marvin bounced to his feet, clapping his hands together and producing a small shower of green glitter from his gloves. “Excellent,” he purred, beaming down at Dark and Abe. “I look forward to it.” The door to the cart slammed shut before either detective could say anything else, leaving them standing in stunned silence. Nearby, the horse huffed and shook itself.

“Well, I’m not looking forward to seeing him again,” Abe said finally, not waiting for Dark before starting off towards the nearest cafe, “but I guess we don’t really have a choice.” The head detective ran his hands along the side of his head, clearly frustrated with having to wait. For as long as Dark had known him, Abe had never been a very patient man.

The two watched in silence from across the square as Marvin finished setting up the stage. Dark had a black coffee, and Abe was pouring over the file they had gotten from G. The crowd was fairly large for such a small town, though most of them didn’t look like they were from the area. The show began exactly at noon, with a large explosion of green glitter and some loud, dramatic music.

As Dark watched, slowly sipping their drink, they noticed that while most of Marvin’s ‘magic’ tricks were cheap and easy, he was definitely capable of using some rather impressive magic. Half of his tricks that would usually be done by using invisible strings or hidden panels were instead done using real magic. Marvin’s bright green sparks were hidden easily by his equally bright green gloves. The show lasted around half an hour, ending with the magician bowing and the audience cheering as they were showered with more glitter. Abe immediately stuffed the file back in his coat, standing up and briskly walking over to the cart. Dark sighed, gulping down the last of their coffee and hurrying to catch up to him.

Abe moved to knock on the door, but it opened just before his hand hit it. Marvin was standing there in his full show garb, and smiled when he saw the two detectives.

“Oh yes, you two! I had to cut my sales off early today, but you seem like you might be worth it,” Marvin sighed, dramatically leaning against the door frame. He spun around and walked into the cart, cape giving a perfect dramatic swoosh. “Come on in, I’ve just finished putting the props away.”

Dark and Abe exchanged puzzled glances before walking in. To their surprise, it was far bigger on the inside than the outside. They were in some kind of living room, and it looked like there was an entire house compressed into the area of the tiny little cart.

“Permanent spatial distortion? Do you have a permit for this?” Abe asked, stepping around a pile of half-finished fake wands. There was a spiral staircase leading upstairs in the corner, and a door leading to a kitchen right next to it. In the the living room, there was a blue couch facing across from a coffee table and an ornate red velvet fainting couch, where Marvin lay sprawled in a suitably dramatic pose. Dark and Abe took seats on the other couch. Dark glanced around the room, noticing all sorts of fake magical items strewn about in boxes and on shelves. Crystal balls made of plastic, leather-bound books with nonsensical symbols drawn on the covers, cloaks literally covered in sequins; all items that any wizard could discern as fake, but looked real enough to trick an unsuspecting mundane.

“Permit? No. Am I supposed to?” the conman asked innocently, shifting into another dramatic pose.

“Of course you- you know what? That’s not what we’re here for,” Dark interrupted themself, straight to the point as always. “We’re from the Crime Department.”

“The Crime Department?” Marvin echoed back in a shocked tone, sitting up in his seat and placing a gloved hand to his heart. “What do policemen like yourselves want with little old me?” Dark glanced around at all the fake items again. From what they read in his file, he used these to scam desperate mundanes out of their money with promises of magical solutions to their problems. There was enough incriminating evidence in this room alone to get Marvin thrown into prison and his magical item destroyed. However, they still needed him for answers on this far more important case. They would call in some officers to arrest him once Dark and Abe had gotten what they needed.

“We’re looking for a Time wizard by the name of Wilford Warfstache. He stole something very important from the Wizard Committee, and we have it under good authority that you know where to find him,” Dark explained, leaning forward in their seat.

“Oh, you’re looking for Will?” Marvin asked softly, his mask barely obscuring the deep red that was spreading across his face. He quickly regained his composure and stood up, leaving his cape on the couch. He brushed past Dark, and began pacing around the room as if he was in deep thought, heels clicking against the hardwood floor. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to help you with that, I haven’t seen him for a good while.” Marvin paused with his back to Dark and Abe. “Your name is actually ‘Dark’? A bit on the nose, don’t you think? Ah, well, who am I to judge?” Dark glanced over in confusion, standing up quickly and patting around their coat when they saw the magician was flipping through their wallet.

“Hey! When did you-” they started to yell before they were cut off by Marvin tossing the wallet back toward them.

“Here’s an important lesson about magic. Don’t watch the mouth, watch the hands,” he said, giving wild jazz hands that glittered in the lamp light. “Honestly, as a detective I’d think you’d know this.” He collapsed back onto the fainting couch.

“I’m still new to this…” Dark grumbled, checking their wallet only to find it empty. “Hey, give me my money back!”

“What money? Even if I were to have some of your money, check the sign on the door. No refunds.” Marvin winked, reclining back. Dark thought they spied a piece of paper peeking out of Marvin’s glove.

“We’re getting off topic,” Abe interrupted, purposefully ignoring the dirty look Dark shot at him as they shoved the wallet back into their pocket and sat down, crossing their arms. “I don’t care if it’s been a while, we need any information we can get our hands on to catch this guy. Did he tell you where he was going?”

“Even if he did,” Marvin began, pretending to examine his gloved hands, “why should I tell you? What’s in it for me?” He glanced over at the detectives, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Dark wanted to get up and smack the greedy magician until he begged for mercy, but they knew that that would get them nowhere. They ran their hands down their face, inciting a small chuckle from Marvin. “What do you want?” Dark asked finally, immediately regretting their choice of words.

Marvin’s eyes lit up and a grin spread across his face. He looked the wizards over eagerly, no doubt trying to assess how much money they were carrying. Dark reached for where they had rested their cane against the couch to steady themself against this clearly insane man, but surprisingly found it missing.

“How about this?” Marvin asked, balancing the cane on one finger. “I’ve been looking for a new cane for my act, and this one’s already got some delicious magic in it, I can tell.” He bounced up from the couch and twirled the cane like a baton in one hand. Dark leaped to their feet and snatched the cane away from Marvin, clutching it tight to their chest.

“No,” Dark snapped, making Marvin frown. “Not now. Not ever. Anything but the cane.” Marvin fell back onto his couch, heaving a dramatic sigh.

“Fine,” Marvin huffed, eyeing the cane with envy. “That was an excellent bargain, but I see you’re going to be tough customers.” Was Marvin seriously treating them like customers? Dark’s brow furrowed with irritation, and they could tell Abe was struggling to keep his composure.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you want?” Abe asked, voice tense with frustration. “Money, jewelry, less time on your prison sentence?”

Marvin laughed at this, which only made Dark want to punch him even more. “Oh, dear,” Marvin chuckled, briefly lifting his mask to wipe his eyes. Dark caught a brief glimpse of a dark green iridescent scar running down the center of Marvin’s forehead to the end of his nose before it was covered by his mask again. “You really think you’re going to catch me? That’s adorable.” Dark twisted the cane in their hands.

“Look, Marvin,” Abe said slowly, “we just want information on Warfstache. We’ll give you anything you want, except the cane, so long as you hold up your end of the bargain.”

“This is an awfully nice badge,” Marvin hummed, now holding Abe’s wallet and flipping through its folds. “Imagine the places I could get into with this…”

“Hey!” Abe yelled, jumping to his feet and reaching for the holster at his belt. “How did you- When did you- Give that back!”

“Don’t bother,” Marvin muttered, casually waving Abe’s gun in the air. “And you did say ‘anything,’ dear detective.” The conman tucked the wallet into his pocket and examined the gun closely. “I’ll take these.”

Abe sputtered angrily, his face beet red. Dark let out a sympathetic sigh and patted Abe on his arm. The head detective stomped his foot before sitting back down on the couch, glaring furiously at Marvin.

“Thank you, Marvin,” Dark said, forcing themself to sound calm. “Now your end of the deal.”

Marvin set the gun on a side table and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “What was that, again?”

“Don’t play dumb, conman,” Abe snapped. “Warfstache. Where is he?”

“Ah, of course,” Marvin purred. “I have no idea.”

“We know he was here,” Dark said, irritation creeping into their voice. “He must have mentioned something about where he was headed.”

“Who said he was here?” Marvin asked, smiling naively.

“His shoe is on the stairs!”

Marvin glanced over at the offending bright yellow shoe and let out a defeated sigh. “Fine, fine,” he said sadly. “You’re really twisting my arm here.” He let one of his legs dangle off the couch, casually kicking another yellow shoe further under. “He’s with Bim.” Marvin looked partially ashamed of himself, but it was hard to tell with his face half hidden.

“Bim?” Abe repeated, going pale. “Bim Trimmer? The Bim Trimmer?” Marvin only gave a slight nod, and Abe and Dark exchanged anxious looks. Of course Warfstache was with him.

“Can you take us to him?” Dark asked. Marvin started to open his mouth to talk, but Dark held up their hand, stopping him. “We’ll pay you.”

Marvin beamed. “Your watch, then,” he said, pointing at Dark’s wrist. “And any money you have left on you.”

“Money, yes,” Dark growled, “but not my watch.”

Marvin’s face fell, and he pursed his lips in annoyance. “Why not? It’s just a watch.” Dark only glared, and the magician shrugged. “Fine. I want your badge, though.” He stood up as Dark produced their wallet, swiftly taking it out of their hand and tossing it along with Abe’s wallet onto a small basket brimming with numberless other wallets. He walked into the kitchen, and for a minute, didn’t return. Abe and Dark both flinched as a bright green flash of light illuminated the main room from the kitchen entrance.

Marvin stepped out of the kitchen, brushing his hands together before pulling his gloves back on. “We’re here,” he said, grabbing his cape as he walked past the fainting couch. He pulled the door open and stepped outside, revealing a dirty cobblestone street.

Dark couldn’t tell where they’d travelled to, but it certainly wasn’t Czechia. Rain drizzled lightly, forming puddles in the cracks in the road. A couple stray cats hissed at each other over a half-eaten paper tray of fish and chips next to a knocked over trash can. Across the street, a large warehouse door was partially open. Dark stood up just in time to see the figure of Warfstache run into the open warehouse door, closing it behind him.

“There he is!” Dark shouted, running out the door with Abe close behind. They pulled the warehouse door open, letting the dim gray light illuminate the space. Warfstache stood over a crate, his back turned to Dark and Abe.

“It’s over, Warfstache,” Abe said loudly, voice echoing through the room. The thief didn’t seem to acknowledge them, simply rocking back on his heels.

Dark glanced over briefly at Abe before stepping forward cautiously. Warfstache had either gone deaf, or was actually going to let them catch him. A pit of uneasiness settled in Dark’s stomach. Something didn’t feel right about this.

They finally reached Warfstache, and he still hadn’t noticed Dark. Cautiously, they reached out to place their hand on his shoulder. Just as they touched Warfstache, he vanished in a puff of green sparks and glitter. Something hit the ground with a heavy thud behind Dark, and they spun around.

Marvin wiped something shiny off his mouth and stepped over Abe’s unconscious body. “You really should know better than to trust an illusionist,” Marvin purred. Before Dark could react, Marvin blew them a kiss, sending a spray of green glitter at Dark. They were out as soon as it hit them.

.

.

“...Outdone yourself this time, Marvin, darling,” a voice said, voice dripping with sweet charisma.

Dark’s head was filled with the sound of their own heartbeat.

“Told you I would,” Marvin hummed pridefully. “You’d better pay extra, my dear.”

They couldn’t move. Something was binding them.

“I will, I will,” the other voice reassured softly. “Don’t worry.”

Dark let themself slip back into unconsciousness.