#wwoww bing

[wwoww-au]

Fun at Your Local Library

Dark rarely found themselves with time off. Even when they weren't physically chasing after Wilford, they would be cooped up in their office analyzing evidence, searching for leads, anything that would get them closer to finding the thief. It was rare to find days where there was nothing for them to do.

Today was one of those days. While going over some old reports on the Warfstache case, Dark had found an inconsistency in the timeline of events. They figured that it must have been caused by him jumping through time again. Unfortunately, as soon as the Committee got word of this breakthrough in the case, they took the reports in for review. This meant that Dark would have to wait at least a day for them to go over the reports and rule out any other possible reasons for the inconsistencies before they would allow them to time travel again.

And that is why they decided it would be best to just stay out of the way and go to the Library instead. They’d learned a long time ago that it was easier to just let the Committee do as they please, rather than argue and make things worse.

They pushed open the heavy door to the Library and walked in, boots squeaking on the shiny wooden floor. The room was comfortably silent. G sat at his desk as usual, lifting his gaze from his work to take a brief glance at who just came in. A teenager with red hair sat at one of the work tables, scrolling through their phone and mindlessly fidgeting with the chain of the locket around their neck.

"Good morning, G," Dark said, walking up to the main desk. G was busy reading from a large leather-bound book and taking notes, his enchanted quill making an exact copy of said notes as he wrote.

"What can I do for you, detective?" G finished a page of notes and put down his pen, the quill following suit by lying itself down on its own stack of papers. "Do you need something for the case? History books, Committee files?"

"No, none of that today. I'm off duty." Dark looked off to the side, avoiding eye contact with the librarian. "Actually, I was hoping to study up on magic. Spells and all that…" They trailed off. G watched them with a look of understanding.

"Fair enough, just wait at one of the tables and I'll have my apprentice find something for you," he said.

Dark nodded in silent thanks and sat down at a table near the front desk. They looked over at the teen at the other table.

"Are you waiting on books, too?" Dark asked. They normally didn't start small talk, but the sudden random quiet of the Library was becoming too unbearable.

"Hm?" They looked up from their phone. "Oh, no. I'm just waiting for B. We're gonna hang out after he gets out of work. I'm Yan by the way." They smiled, leaning forward on their hands and looking at them curiously.

"Dark," they replied. "Speaking of, where is B? He's normally around here somewhere."

"G sent him to go organize one of the sections. 'Early Survival Techniques' or something like that." As if on cue, B emerged from one of the opposite bookshelves. His face was covered in ash, and the ends of his clothes were singed. He was patting out a small flame on the sleeve of his sweater when he walked up to Yan.

"All finished, you ready to go?" He smiled at his friend.

"Not yet, B," G interrupted. "I need you to grab some books on basic soul magic for Dark."

"But you said I could leave early today," B protested, looking disappointed.

"I know what I said. It shouldn't take too long." G spoke with the voice of a stern parent. "You can take your friend along with you if you want." He gestured vaguely towards Yan, and sat back down to finish his work. B smiled and grabbed his friend by the hand.

"Thank you! Come on Yan, this is gonna be fun!" He dragged them with him into the rows of bookshelves. Yan waved to the other two as they disappeared down the aisles, a giddy smile on their face.

"It was nice meeting you, Dark!" they called back.

.

.

.

As the two teenagers walked down a row of bookshelves, it grew increasingly more cramped as more and more stacks of books  began to take up space. Eventually it grew to the point where the stacks were so tall that it was hard to see the top, and books would occasionally drop from somewhere up high.

"Sorry about this," B said sheepishly, maneuvering as best he could through the stacks. "I was supposed to organize this section, but I guess things just got piled up. Literally." He jumped back as a heavy binder filled with various files fell in front of him. "The Committee is in the process of backlogging a bunch of their old files, and all of it is getting shipped here." He picked up the binder and placed it on the nearest shelf.

"No worries," said Yan. "It's actually pretty interesting to see what you do all day. Being an apprentice at the Great Library must be pretty cool." They stepped around a pile of more binders, only to bump into it and knock one off the top. It hit the ground with an explosion of glitter.

"It's alright. Just very, very weird." B brushed the glitter off the binder and placed it on the shelf next to the other one. "Hey, how's your apprenticeship going? I'm sure it's a lot easier than all of this." He gestured at the whole of the Library, stopping in time to lunge out of the way of a heavy leather bound book that hit the ground with a loud thud to his left.

"Well it's certainly less dangerous, I'll tell you that," they giggled. "But matchmaking does have its challenges from time to time. It helps to have a built-in guide, though."

"Guide?" B scrunched up his face in confusion. "Like your boss tells you what to do or…"

"No, not that. The heart strings." Yan looked over at B to see he was still visibly confused. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Okay, this is really hard to explain to someone who isn't a heart core so just bear with me." They took a deep breath and rubbed their hands together. "So when two people are compatible as a couple, a red string binds them together. Matchmakers follow these strings and use them as a guide to bring people together. Pretty much all heart wizards can see them, but no one really talks about it 'cause it's a super personal thing."

"Oh, I get it," B said. "Like soulmates?"

"Not exactly." Yan thought for a moment. "It's not really set in stone. People can gain strings after getting to know one another, or lose strings over time. Some people don't even have them."

"So, anyone can have a heart string? What about… G? Does he have one?”

“Well, like I said it’s rude to talk about someone’s strings… but yeah, his is super weird,” Yan leaned in and whispered conspiratorially.

“Man, must be nice to know who likes who. Wait, can you see your own string? Or is that like, against the magic rules?”

“Oh yeah, you can see your own. I don’t have one, but, well… there’s this one guy I like,” Yan said, eyes going dreamy. “I met him in the city while at work. He’s so nice, and handsome, and he helped me out of the rain, and he’s super sweet, and oh, he’s perfect B! My Senpai… but he’s… well, he’s already got someone else.”

B looked back at them worriedly having noticed their tone shift, and almost tripped over a large root on the ground. That was when Yan noticed the foliage- branches grew off of shelves, roots and grass sprung through the floor, flowers of various shapes and sizes began to pop up, and leaves started to appear to create a sort of canopy above them. Up ahead, a curtain of ivy cut off the aisle of bookshelves.

“Oh hey, we’re nearly at the Gardening Section,” B said, trying to change the subject.

“What’s the Gardening Section? Is it nice?”

“Oh yeah, I guess. It’s where all the books on gardening are. It’s really pretty, though you gotta watch out for the plants.”

“I’ll say,” Yan said as they picked their way through the increasingly dense undergrowth. “I bet it would be the perfect date spot, if it wasn’t so wild. Story of my life, though, huh?”

“So, uh, that detective, right? Dark? Man, are they a mystery. Do they have any heart strings?” B said, trying to change the topic again. Talking about this Senpai clearly made them sad, and he’d hate to see his friend like that.

“Them? Oh yeah, they’re weird too. Why does everyone-“

Their sentence was cut short as an enormous vine shot forward, wrapping around Yan's leg and dragging them screaming through the ivy.

"YAN!" B shouted, running after them through the foliage. He had worried something like this would happen, the Library was full of danger for anyone who didn't know how to navigate it. He pushed through the curtain of ivy and stumbled into the Gardening Section.

The narrow row of bookshelves opened into a large courtyard where flowers of all kinds grew across the grass-covered ground. Trees blooming with blossoms and fresh fruit towered above it, reaching the vaulted ceiling where sunlight poured through a tinted glass window. A small gardening shed sat to the side next to a tree stump with a hatchet still embedded in its surface. Bookshelves coated in a thick layer of ivy formed a wall enclosing it all in.

At the very center of the courtyard was a giant orange flower, over four times as tall as B. Normally its petals were closed together like a Venus fly trap, but today they were open, revealing the sharp and dangerous barbs lining the inside of the petals, and its many vine-like appendages were whipping around like crazy. B had to duck to avoid more than one almost smashing into his head.

Up ahead he saw Yan struggling against the vine wrapped around their leg. They had managed to grab onto a flowering cherry blossom tree and were struggling to hold on, trying to kick the plant off them with their free leg. B jumped into action- he sprinted towards the stump by the shed, bobbing and weaving around the violent plant appendages. He dove for the axe on the stump, nearly getting slammed in the chest by a vine that he thankfully narrowly dodged. Yan’s shouts grew louder and more panicked as they felt their arms start to slip.

No time to lose, B yanked the axe out of the stump and charged forwards, leaping and dodging with great agility. Just as Yan’s grip finally gave out he raised the axe over his head and lunged forward, cleaving the vine connecting  Yan to the plant in two with great ease.

"We have to get to cover!" B pulled Yan to their feet as they let out a string of curses. He frantically looked around, eyes landing on the storage shed. "Follow me!"

B grabbed Yan by the wrist and started running back to the shed, pulling them along behind him. They both sprinted as fast as they could, doing their best not to trip or get separated. B dove towards the door, slamming it open with his shoulder and just barely managing to turn around close it before a large heavy vine slammed into the wall. A few more slams came after, followed by more angry thrashing sounds before things seemed to calm down a bit.

“What. The wuck. Was that!?” Yan yelled gesturing wildly. “What the wuck that, B!?”

“Look, dude, I’m real sorry. I didn’t know Daisy was going to be so touchy today. I’ll have to deal with that later,” B sighed, running a hand through his hair. He slumped on a bench sitting by the wall, just glad to be able to stop and catch his breath a bit.

“That thing has a name? And what do you mean touchy today!? You knew it was there and you didn’t think to mention the giant plant monster in the middle of the ‘pretty little garden’!?” Yan started to rant and pace back and forth a little, still jumpy from the scare. Eventually they just collapsed to the floor, sitting with their back to a worn trunk. "What are we gonna do now?"

"We'll have to make a break for it once she tires herself out," B shrugged.

"Maybe there's something in here to help us fight it? This is a storage shed after all, maybe there are some shears or something.” Yan turned to the trunk and flipped the brass latches, pushing the heavy wooden lid open.

"Wait, Yan, don't-!” B tried to stop them but Yan already opened the trunk.

"Woah," they muttered. "What’s all this?"

The trunk was filled to the brim with a strange collection of items; a pearl necklace, a mini bronze statuette of an octopus, an old mp3 player, a stuffed fox, a dagger with a bejeweled hilt, a diamond ring, a gilded hourglass, an Altoids tin, and a picture frame holding a photo of a smiling family.

"They're magic items," B explained as he stood up to look at the contents of the trunk with them. "They're all filled with super powerful core magics. We store them here until that fades into pure magic and the item can be used again. We keep them in little hideaways like this, scattered across the Library. That's why Daisy is here, to protect the items."

"So all of these used to belong to wizards?" Yan asked, B nodding in return. They reached into the trunk and pulled out a pair of scissors. It had a red handle. On one side there was a little image of a heart, and on the other an image of a person with a small circle over their chest; the symbols for heart cores and soul cores, respectively. Yan couldn't help but stare at them- something about the scissors fascinated them. They could practically feel the powerful magic it contained radiating off of it, much stronger than the other items in the trunk.

"It looks like Daisy's calmed down a bit." B pulled them out of their thoughts. He had the door cracked open, enough to look out into the courtyard. The orange flower was drooped over, the vines beginning to recede back into the base. He opened the door and took a careful step out. He looked back into the shed to see Yan still sitting in front of the chest, holding onto the lip of it. They hesitated before closing it with a dull thud. "Yan?"

"I'm coming.” They stood up and moved to stand behind him.

"Follow my lead," B said. He skirted the edges of the courtyard, back to the ivy-covered bookshelves. He held his breath as he moved slowly so as to not disturb the drooping flower in the center. He held the axe in one hand, the other in front of his friend. As soon as they reached a hole in the bookshelf wall, B dropped the axe and the two broke into a sprint, running as fast as they could until the foliage underfoot became plain carpet.

"That was insane," Yan said between heavy breathes. The two stopped at a junction between bookshelves to catch their breath. "You seriously deal with this kind of stuff on a daily basis?"

"You don't know the half of it," B panted. He pointed down the aisle to their left. "Soul Magic Section should be down that way."

Yan looked around at the spot they stood in. Their eyes rested at a sudden new aisle across from them with confusion. Unlike the rest of the Library, it was dark, as if the lights overhead were out. So dark they couldn't even see what went beyond it. They could've sworn they heard whispers coming from that direction, so far away that they couldn't distinguish what was being said. "B, what's that section?" Their voice was shaky, something about it unsettled them.

"Huh?" B turned to look at the section. His face dropped. "Nope." He grabbed Yan by the shoulders and quickly steered them down the left row. "That's the Dead Zone. We have to stay, far, far away from that."

"What?" Yan turned to look at him. "What's the Dead Zone?"

"It's where all the darkest, most forbidden magic is stored." B's voice was laced with panic. "It's incredibly dangerous. Only one person has ever gone in and made it back out alive."

"Who?"

"I-I'm not supposed to say," he stuttered. Now that they were far enough away, he let go of Yan's shoulders and slowed the pace down a bit. They continued walking on their own.

"Why not?" Yan was concerned, they'd never seen B so nervous before.

"G doesn't want me to talk about it.” He tugged at the end of his scarf. "Says it brings up unpleasant memories, something about the last apprentice. But they're banned for life, I think. They scare me a bit to be honest. If someone other than the Head Librarian could survive that, they must be pretty powerful."

"Have you ever gotten near it?" Yan asked.

"Once. Biggest mistake of my life. I had nightmares for weeks, not to mention what happened when G found out I got too close.” B's voice dropped to a grave tone, “he gave me a forty minute lecture and made me clean the bathrooms."

"That sounds awf- wait, this place has bathrooms?" Yan smirked at the idea.

"Oh yeah. Kind of hard to find though, depending on how badly you need it," he shrugged.

"From what I've seen today, I shouldn't be surprised."

"This place really is crazy, huh?" He was smiling again. "I mean, there's a garden, a gym with a pool, a section full of life-sized board games including D&D, a room full of cats, a bit of Antarctica, the sun room-"

"Oh," Yan said. "Like a patio?"

"No, it's a room with an actual sun," B corrected them. "It's huge, and it has little models of the planets revolving around it. It's really cool looking."

“You should show it to me some time, as long as it doesn’t turn out there’s a super deadly alien living there that you forgot to mention. Though let’s take a less dangerous route next time, please.”

"Sounds like a plan," he smiled.

The row of shelves ended abruptly with a bronze spiral staircase leading up to a trapdoor on the ceiling. On the door was a plaque engraved with the same emblem of a person with a circle over their chest. B quickly climbed the staircase, Yan carefully following after. He reached the top, pushing open the trapdoor and climbing inside. He held out a hand to help his friend through.

Yan stared in awe of the room as they climbed in. It reminded them of an observatory. The room was covered by a large dome, the ceiling made entirely of stained glass forming a mosaic of wizards with colorful magic dancing off their hands. The walls and floor were made from sturdy wood, doors of the same material lining the walls. The most remarkable thing, Yan noted, were all the books floating through the air, held aloft by sparks of pure magic. Some floated near the roof, others only a foot or so off the ground.

"G said they needed some books on basic soul magic," B recalled. "So just grab something close to the ground and we can leave."

Yan nodded and set to work, strolling around the room to find what looked appropriate. They looked up at the books floating high above their head, filled with yellowed pages and adorned with ancient runes. The kinds of books you could find in the hands of only the most powerful wizards. The ones closer to the ground were more simple, reminding Yan of the textbooks at Academy. They eventually settled on a copy of The Art of Soul Magic: An Introduction, which they almost stepped on because it had been hovering barely an inch off the ground. They turned to see B, partially hidden by a stack of spell-books.

"Do you need help with that?" they giggled.

"Nah, I got this," B said, blatantly ignoring the fact that he had just dropped two. "This way." He turned and walked over to one of the doors, letting Yan open it for him. It lead into another narrow row of bookshelves. The two walked for maybe ten feet before suddenly arriving back in the lobby of the Library. G and Dark were still sitting in their respective spots from when they left.

"Wait-" Yan glanced around in confusion. "Didn't we go upstairs? In the opposite direction?"

B nudged past them and placed the pile of books on the table next to Dark, who jumped at the sudden loud noise. "Don't think about it too hard, you'll give yourself a headache."

G stood up from his desk and walked over to Dark's table, where they were looking over the books B had just dropped there. The quill followed him, quickly jotting down the book titles on a small notepad. G looked up at his apprentice.

"Thank you, B," he nodded. "That's all for today. You're free to go."

“Sweet!” B said, pumping his fist in the air. He started to make his way to the front door, an excited grin shining on his face. “Come on, Yan, I can’t wait to show you this cool show! It’s called Little Shop of Horrors and it’s supposed to be real funny.”

“Can’t wait,” Yan giggled, hurrying after him. They turn around before they leave, calling “Good luck with your studies, Dark!” And waving goodbye at the tired detective before quickly moving back to catch up.

“Ah, to be that young and careless again,” G mused as he finished double checking all of the books.

“You care about them, admit it,” Dark said, opening the copy of The Art of Soul Magic: An Introduction.

G rolled his eyes, walking back to his desk and almost relaxing in his chair. He felt a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Maybe he did care for them, just a little.

[wwoww-au]

can i offer you some mind wizards

- mod finn

[wwoww-au]

if you didn’t know, we have a discord for the au where plenty of doodles, cosplay, ocs, and lore is dumped on the daily. there are some of the current emotes made by yours truly. - mod finn

[wwoww-au]

All That Glitters

Dark and Abe strode in through the Great Library’s entrance. Shelves stuffed with books towered over them, ascending out of view. They had been there plenty of times before on past cases for information, but they still didn’t know quite where they needed to go. No one did. The whole place was like an ever-shifting labyrinth. One day the Ancient Middle-Eastern History section would be south by southeast, the next it would be on the third floor due west. It was easy to get hopelessly lost.

The only one who had any clue where anything was located was the head librarian, Google, who was mostly referred to as G. The detectives cautiously approached the large desk in the center of the room where G was sitting with his face in a book. The book had no title on its cover, but he seemed to be enjoying it, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Beside him, a deep blue quill was writing on its own against a stack of papers. Upon further inspection, Dark could just barely read the numbers of pi being put in order. He matched Abe’s equally confused glance, but they shook it off. The Library was a life form of its own, and no one asked questions if they wanted to keep their sanity intact. Abe cleared his throat before speaking up.

“Good to see you, G,” Abe greeted. “We were wondering if you could help us on a case we’re working on.”

G flipped a page of his book, and for a moment, Dark wasn’t sure if the librarian had heard Abe or not. The quill gently brushed aside the paper at the top of the stack before continuing onto the next sheet.

“What is it you need exactly?” G asked, not looking up from his book. He seemed mostly disinterested in the two. If anything, Dark would have guessed he was slightly irritated at being interrupted.

“We’re trying to track down someone named ‘Marvin the Magnificent.’ He’s a conman of some sort, might have ties to Warfstache,” Dark explained, eager to get on with the case. G said nothing for a moment until he flipped to the next page in his book. Dark tapped their foot impatiently.

“My apprentice will help you with that,” G said casually, picking up a quill and jotting something down on a notepad. Abe and Dark looked at each other in confusion. Having an apprentice in itself wasn’t too odd; plenty of wizards had apprentices. Google, however, hadn’t had an apprentice in years, ever since the last one went missing in the Dead Zone.

“Since when did you have an apprentice?” Abe asked. Considering he was the head of a department that regularly used the library’s resources, it was weird for him not to have been told. He should have been updated as soon as the apprentice was taken on.

“He was assigned to me last month.” G checked a nearby clock, frowning a bit before going back to his book. “He should be along right about now, actually.”

That didn’t make any sense either. Classes at the Academy had only ended a couple of weeks earlier, and the selection process for special jobs like this usually took a while. How could he have been assigned a month ago?

Just as Dark started to question Google’s sanity, they heard a scream from above, followed by a loud thud and a quiet “Ow…” coming from behind them. Turning around, they spotted the end of a portal closing and a newly disrupted pile of books.

“Ah, there he is,” G said, looking completely unfazed by his apprentice’s entrance. “Detectives, this is my apprentice, Bing. You may call him ‘B.’” G gestured to the teen, who was now jumping up from the ground as if he didn’t just fall from the ceiling.

“Suh dudes,” B greeted, a happy grin plastered on his face. “I finished organizing the Portal section like you asked, G.”

“Excellent, but I have a new task for you. B, these two are from the Crime Department. They’re trying to find one ‘Marvin the Magnificent.’ Go fetch his file and the Map, would you? The file is in the Biographies section, and the Map is in the Magical Objects section, Heart subsection,” G ordered, his voice never changing from its uninterested tone. “You’ll know it when you see it.” B sighed, his smile fading into a dejected frown for a brief second. He perked up again quickly though, waving to the detectives before running down the aisle of bookshelves directly behind G’s desk and disappearing from sight.

G turned to watch B run off before finally getting up from his desk and walking between Abe and Dark as if they weren’t even there. He crouched down, picking up an armful of the books B had knocked over and carrying them over to the nearest bookshelf. The two detectives only watched as he began placing books on the shelf without any apparent rhyme or reason.

“So.. how’s the apprentice?” Abe said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“Good,” G replied, placing one last book before turning to look at him. “It’s nice to have an extra set of hands around here. A bit dull-minded, but he has… potential.”

“What made you choose him? I mean, he seems so… different from you,” Dark asked. They weren’t usually one to delve into gossip, but they couldn’t not ask questions when they saw a mystery. The difference they’d picked up on just observing the two for less than a minute was clearer than night and day. Bing was enthusiastic, sociable, and kind, while Google was… well, Google wasn’t.

“I didn’t,” G said as if he expected Dark to understand exactly what he meant. As he walked back over to his desk, a loud roar was heard from somewhere to the left, followed by a scream from what had to be B.

“What do you mean, you didn’t choose him?” Dark asked, now only more confused and eyeing with fear the direction the sounds had come from. G looked off towards the distant sounds and sighed.

“I told him not to cut through the Deep Sea section again... “ he huffed, voice as monotone as ever. “As to the answer to your question, it’s like I said. I didn’t choose him. Simple as that.”

Dark opened their mouth to ask more questions, but was distracted by movement to their right. They could see someone sprinting down one of the aisles, and as they got closer they could see that the person was B. The apprentice skidded to a stop once he reached the central circle, collapsing onto his knees in an exhausted pile of sweat, salt water, and scarf. He held a file and box above his head like trophies, proud that he had even made it out alive.

“Thank you, B, now go file that under ‘Children’s Books’,” G said, taking the objects from him and dismissively pointing him toward a cart of books. B groaned, but stumbled to his feet and trudged over to the cart anyway.

“I’m assuming you have something belonging to the criminal? It won’t work without it,” G said, clearing away some space and placing the file and box on his desk. He opened the box and looked pointedly at Abe, who dug into his pocket and pulled out the glittering business card, taking a couple steps forward to hand it to G. He examined the card closely.

“It’s preferable to use an object that the person cherishes, but I suppose this will do.” G placed the card inside the box and closed the lid. He held his hands above the box, a cloud of light blue sparks enveloping it. “Once you open the lid, you’ll only have a few hours before the spell wears off and the map becomes useless.” When the last of the sparks faded away, he pushed the box across the desk. “Good luck, detectives.”

“Thank you, G,” Dark said, taking the box with their free hand and tucking it and the file under their arm. The librarian only nodded and picked his book up again, making it clear that the conversation was now over. Abe and Dark exchanged uncomfortable looks before stepping outside and onto the long marble staircase.

Dark stumbled and nearly dropped the map G had given them as they almost collided with someone coming up the stairs. Dark was ready to snap at whatever rookie hadn’t been watching where they were going, but stopped when they realized who they’d run into.

Doctor Henrik von Schneeplestein brushed his sleeve, a mildly irritated look creasing his brow as it usually did. Flecks of gray peppered his dark brown hair, and his glasses sat askew across his face, slightly obscuring the doctor’s dull blue-gray eyes. He was wearing the same thing he always seemed to be wearing; a dark blueish black tunic with black pants and tall dark boots. He backed down a few steps, moving to the side to let Dark and Abe pass.

“Sorry, Doctor,” Dark apologized, stepping back as well to push the library door back open for Henrik. “I didn’t see you there.”

Henrik made no move to step inside the library, only eying Dark with a look they couldn’t quite interpret. Sympathy, perhaps. “It’s fine,” he sighed, straightening his glasses. “And don’t bother. I can’t go in.”

Dark awkwardly let the door shut behind them and glanced over at Abe briefly before looking back at Henrik. “Why not?” They knew Henrik had done something unforgivable in the past, and that was why his magic item was broken, but no one had told them why. Whenever Dark asked, they were always met with uncomfortable glances and awkward excuses.

“Something a long time ago,” Henrik answered, sounding suddenly much more tired than he usually did. “Regardless, the library doesn’t want me going inside again, and personally, I don’t blame it.” The doctor leaned against the ornate metal banister, slowly lowering himself to sit down on the stairs. “You two seem very busy,” he added, forcing a polite smile. “I’ll let you carry on your business.”

“What about G-”

“He knows I’m here,” Henrik interrupted. “He’ll be out in a moment.”

Dark opened his mouth to volunteer to get G for Henrik, but was stopped by Abe tugging on their sleeve. The head detective shook his head and started walking down the stairs. Dark followed close behind, giving Henrik one last glance as they descended before he disappeared out of view.

.

.

After reading Marvin’s file, Dark expected that he would be hiding somewhere large and glamorous, like Las Vegas. Somewhere fast paced, with lots of people and plenty of entertainment. Instead, they found themself walking through the streets of a small Mundane town in eastern Europe. While there were a few tourists, it definitely didn’t scream ‘flamboyant con-wizard’ to Dark, but there had to be clues around somewhere. As they and Abe walked into the town square, they spotted colorful buildings, a large fountain, a green cart, and numerous posters taped up all over the place. On the buildings, the lampposts, the giant fountain thing in the middle, and more just blowing around in the wind. Abe managed to grab one and showed it to Dark. It was a green piece of paper, an advertisement for a show, one side written in Czech, but the other thankfully in English.

“‘Come see Marvin The Magnificent today! Show starts at 12:00, look for the green cart,’” Dark read. Checking their watch, they had about forty-five minutes until then.

“Guess we found our clue,” Abe muttered, stuffing the ad in one of his many coat pockets. Dark followed closely behind him to the flamboyant cart, scanning it up and down. It was rather large, four wheeled and attached to a horse that was laser focused on pulling what little grass it could snatch growing out of the pavement. It was all very green, and seemed to be one of those carts that could extend into a small stage. There was a door on one end of it which Abe spotted and knocked on, and some shuffling sounds could be heard from the inside.

“Just a second!” A sing-songy voice called out from inside. The door opened to reveal a masked man wearing a shiny blue bathrobe, with tall sparkly green boots covering the visible parts of his legs. Long, equally glittery green gloves went halfway up his arms. “I have to finish my- oh. Well, hello there. What brings you two to my humble home? The magic show isn’t for another forty minutes.”

“Are you Marvin the Magnificent?” Dark asked, straight to the point. Clearly he recognized them as wizards, but apparently was deciding to play ignorant. Probably didn’t want his cover blown in a town full of mundanes.

“Yes, the one and only!” Marvin answered cheerfully, taking a sweeping bow. “Did you want an autograph? Or maybe you’d be more interested in some of my wares? I do have quite a few exotic items if you’d like. Usually I wait until after the show to open shop, but I think I could make—”

“We’re not here for your show, or your shop,” Abe snapped, tapping his foot impatiently. “We need— Hey! Are you listening to me?” Marvin had retreated some into his cart, muttering under his breath as he dug through something Dark couldn’t see. Turning back, he adjusted his robe and looked down at Dark and Abe, appearing slightly apologetic.

“Sorry, dears,” Marvin sighed dramatically. “I’m a bit busy at the moment. Perhaps you could come back after the show?” He leaned heavily against the doorframe, letting his bathrobe slide off of one shoulder seductively. Dark looked down at their feet, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

Abe let out a tired groan and rubbed his temples with one hand. “Fine,” he grunted, glaring at Marvin. “We’ll see you after your show.”

Marvin bounced to his feet, clapping his hands together and producing a small shower of green glitter from his gloves. “Excellent,” he purred, beaming down at Dark and Abe. “I look forward to it.” The door to the cart slammed shut before either detective could say anything else, leaving them standing in stunned silence. Nearby, the horse huffed and shook itself.

“Well, I’m not looking forward to seeing him again,” Abe said finally, not waiting for Dark before starting off towards the nearest cafe, “but I guess we don’t really have a choice.” The head detective ran his hands along the side of his head, clearly frustrated with having to wait. For as long as Dark had known him, Abe had never been a very patient man.

The two watched in silence from across the square as Marvin finished setting up the stage. Dark had a black coffee, and Abe was pouring over the file they had gotten from G. The crowd was fairly large for such a small town, though most of them didn’t look like they were from the area. The show began exactly at noon, with a large explosion of green glitter and some loud, dramatic music.

As Dark watched, slowly sipping their drink, they noticed that while most of Marvin’s ‘magic’ tricks were cheap and easy, he was definitely capable of using some rather impressive magic. Half of his tricks that would usually be done by using invisible strings or hidden panels were instead done using real magic. Marvin’s bright green sparks were hidden easily by his equally bright green gloves. The show lasted around half an hour, ending with the magician bowing and the audience cheering as they were showered with more glitter. Abe immediately stuffed the file back in his coat, standing up and briskly walking over to the cart. Dark sighed, gulping down the last of their coffee and hurrying to catch up to him.

Abe moved to knock on the door, but it opened just before his hand hit it. Marvin was standing there in his full show garb, and smiled when he saw the two detectives.

“Oh yes, you two! I had to cut my sales off early today, but you seem like you might be worth it,” Marvin sighed, dramatically leaning against the door frame. He spun around and walked into the cart, cape giving a perfect dramatic swoosh. “Come on in, I’ve just finished putting the props away.”

Dark and Abe exchanged puzzled glances before walking in. To their surprise, it was far bigger on the inside than the outside. They were in some kind of living room, and it looked like there was an entire house compressed into the area of the tiny little cart.

“Permanent spatial distortion? Do you have a permit for this?” Abe asked, stepping around a pile of half-finished fake wands. There was a spiral staircase leading upstairs in the corner, and a door leading to a kitchen right next to it. In the the living room, there was a blue couch facing across from a coffee table and an ornate red velvet fainting couch, where Marvin lay sprawled in a suitably dramatic pose. Dark and Abe took seats on the other couch. Dark glanced around the room, noticing all sorts of fake magical items strewn about in boxes and on shelves. Crystal balls made of plastic, leather-bound books with nonsensical symbols drawn on the covers, cloaks literally covered in sequins; all items that any wizard could discern as fake, but looked real enough to trick an unsuspecting mundane.

“Permit? No. Am I supposed to?” the conman asked innocently, shifting into another dramatic pose.

“Of course you- you know what? That’s not what we’re here for,” Dark interrupted themself, straight to the point as always. “We’re from the Crime Department.”

“The Crime Department?” Marvin echoed back in a shocked tone, sitting up in his seat and placing a gloved hand to his heart. “What do policemen like yourselves want with little old me?” Dark glanced around at all the fake items again. From what they read in his file, he used these to scam desperate mundanes out of their money with promises of magical solutions to their problems. There was enough incriminating evidence in this room alone to get Marvin thrown into prison and his magical item destroyed. However, they still needed him for answers on this far more important case. They would call in some officers to arrest him once Dark and Abe had gotten what they needed.

“We’re looking for a Time wizard by the name of Wilford Warfstache. He stole something very important from the Wizard Committee, and we have it under good authority that you know where to find him,” Dark explained, leaning forward in their seat.

“Oh, you’re looking for Will?” Marvin asked softly, his mask barely obscuring the deep red that was spreading across his face. He quickly regained his composure and stood up, leaving his cape on the couch. He brushed past Dark, and began pacing around the room as if he was in deep thought, heels clicking against the hardwood floor. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to help you with that, I haven’t seen him for a good while.” Marvin paused with his back to Dark and Abe. “Your name is actually ‘Dark’? A bit on the nose, don’t you think? Ah, well, who am I to judge?” Dark glanced over in confusion, standing up quickly and patting around their coat when they saw the magician was flipping through their wallet.

“Hey! When did you-” they started to yell before they were cut off by Marvin tossing the wallet back toward them.

“Here’s an important lesson about magic. Don’t watch the mouth, watch the hands,” he said, giving wild jazz hands that glittered in the lamp light. “Honestly, as a detective I’d think you’d know this.” He collapsed back onto the fainting couch.

“I’m still new to this…” Dark grumbled, checking their wallet only to find it empty. “Hey, give me my money back!”

“What money? Even if I were to have some of your money, check the sign on the door. No refunds.” Marvin winked, reclining back. Dark thought they spied a piece of paper peeking out of Marvin’s glove.

“We’re getting off topic,” Abe interrupted, purposefully ignoring the dirty look Dark shot at him as they shoved the wallet back into their pocket and sat down, crossing their arms. “I don’t care if it’s been a while, we need any information we can get our hands on to catch this guy. Did he tell you where he was going?”

“Even if he did,” Marvin began, pretending to examine his gloved hands, “why should I tell you? What’s in it for me?” He glanced over at the detectives, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Dark wanted to get up and smack the greedy magician until he begged for mercy, but they knew that that would get them nowhere. They ran their hands down their face, inciting a small chuckle from Marvin. “What do you want?” Dark asked finally, immediately regretting their choice of words.

Marvin’s eyes lit up and a grin spread across his face. He looked the wizards over eagerly, no doubt trying to assess how much money they were carrying. Dark reached for where they had rested their cane against the couch to steady themself against this clearly insane man, but surprisingly found it missing.

“How about this?” Marvin asked, balancing the cane on one finger. “I’ve been looking for a new cane for my act, and this one’s already got some delicious magic in it, I can tell.” He bounced up from the couch and twirled the cane like a baton in one hand. Dark leaped to their feet and snatched the cane away from Marvin, clutching it tight to their chest.

“No,” Dark snapped, making Marvin frown. “Not now. Not ever. Anything but the cane.” Marvin fell back onto his couch, heaving a dramatic sigh.

“Fine,” Marvin huffed, eyeing the cane with envy. “That was an excellent bargain, but I see you’re going to be tough customers.” Was Marvin seriously treating them like customers? Dark’s brow furrowed with irritation, and they could tell Abe was struggling to keep his composure.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you want?” Abe asked, voice tense with frustration. “Money, jewelry, less time on your prison sentence?”

Marvin laughed at this, which only made Dark want to punch him even more. “Oh, dear,” Marvin chuckled, briefly lifting his mask to wipe his eyes. Dark caught a brief glimpse of a dark green iridescent scar running down the center of Marvin’s forehead to the end of his nose before it was covered by his mask again. “You really think you’re going to catch me? That’s adorable.” Dark twisted the cane in their hands.

“Look, Marvin,” Abe said slowly, “we just want information on Warfstache. We’ll give you anything you want, except the cane, so long as you hold up your end of the bargain.”

“This is an awfully nice badge,” Marvin hummed, now holding Abe’s wallet and flipping through its folds. “Imagine the places I could get into with this…”

“Hey!” Abe yelled, jumping to his feet and reaching for the holster at his belt. “How did you- When did you- Give that back!”

“Don’t bother,” Marvin muttered, casually waving Abe’s gun in the air. “And you did say ‘anything,’ dear detective.” The conman tucked the wallet into his pocket and examined the gun closely. “I’ll take these.”

Abe sputtered angrily, his face beet red. Dark let out a sympathetic sigh and patted Abe on his arm. The head detective stomped his foot before sitting back down on the couch, glaring furiously at Marvin.

“Thank you, Marvin,” Dark said, forcing themself to sound calm. “Now your end of the deal.”

Marvin set the gun on a side table and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “What was that, again?”

“Don’t play dumb, conman,” Abe snapped. “Warfstache. Where is he?”

“Ah, of course,” Marvin purred. “I have no idea.”

“We know he was here,” Dark said, irritation creeping into their voice. “He must have mentioned something about where he was headed.”

“Who said he was here?” Marvin asked, smiling naively.

“His shoe is on the stairs!”

Marvin glanced over at the offending bright yellow shoe and let out a defeated sigh. “Fine, fine,” he said sadly. “You’re really twisting my arm here.” He let one of his legs dangle off the couch, casually kicking another yellow shoe further under. “He’s with Bim.” Marvin looked partially ashamed of himself, but it was hard to tell with his face half hidden.

“Bim?” Abe repeated, going pale. “Bim Trimmer? The Bim Trimmer?” Marvin only gave a slight nod, and Abe and Dark exchanged anxious looks. Of course Warfstache was with him.

“Can you take us to him?” Dark asked. Marvin started to open his mouth to talk, but Dark held up their hand, stopping him. “We’ll pay you.”

Marvin beamed. “Your watch, then,” he said, pointing at Dark’s wrist. “And any money you have left on you.”

“Money, yes,” Dark growled, “but not my watch.”

Marvin’s face fell, and he pursed his lips in annoyance. “Why not? It’s just a watch.” Dark only glared, and the magician shrugged. “Fine. I want your badge, though.” He stood up as Dark produced their wallet, swiftly taking it out of their hand and tossing it along with Abe’s wallet onto a small basket brimming with numberless other wallets. He walked into the kitchen, and for a minute, didn’t return. Abe and Dark both flinched as a bright green flash of light illuminated the main room from the kitchen entrance.

Marvin stepped out of the kitchen, brushing his hands together before pulling his gloves back on. “We’re here,” he said, grabbing his cape as he walked past the fainting couch. He pulled the door open and stepped outside, revealing a dirty cobblestone street.

Dark couldn’t tell where they’d travelled to, but it certainly wasn’t Czechia. Rain drizzled lightly, forming puddles in the cracks in the road. A couple stray cats hissed at each other over a half-eaten paper tray of fish and chips next to a knocked over trash can. Across the street, a large warehouse door was partially open. Dark stood up just in time to see the figure of Warfstache run into the open warehouse door, closing it behind him.

“There he is!” Dark shouted, running out the door with Abe close behind. They pulled the warehouse door open, letting the dim gray light illuminate the space. Warfstache stood over a crate, his back turned to Dark and Abe.

“It’s over, Warfstache,” Abe said loudly, voice echoing through the room. The thief didn’t seem to acknowledge them, simply rocking back on his heels.

Dark glanced over briefly at Abe before stepping forward cautiously. Warfstache had either gone deaf, or was actually going to let them catch him. A pit of uneasiness settled in Dark’s stomach. Something didn’t feel right about this.

They finally reached Warfstache, and he still hadn’t noticed Dark. Cautiously, they reached out to place their hand on his shoulder. Just as they touched Warfstache, he vanished in a puff of green sparks and glitter. Something hit the ground with a heavy thud behind Dark, and they spun around.

Marvin wiped something shiny off his mouth and stepped over Abe’s unconscious body. “You really should know better than to trust an illusionist,” Marvin purred. Before Dark could react, Marvin blew them a kiss, sending a spray of green glitter at Dark. They were out as soon as it hit them.

.

.

“...Outdone yourself this time, Marvin, darling,” a voice said, voice dripping with sweet charisma.

Dark’s head was filled with the sound of their own heartbeat.

“Told you I would,” Marvin hummed pridefully. “You’d better pay extra, my dear.”

They couldn’t move. Something was binding them.

“I will, I will,” the other voice reassured softly. “Don’t worry.”

Dark let themself slip back into unconsciousness.

[wwoww-au]

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