#where is that post about the romantic tragedy being in some ways more satisfying or emotionally affecting than straight-up romance

[heytherecentaurs]

NADDPOD C3 Musings

There's a lot under the cut.

Most of these could have been their own posts, but I'm going to just touch on a lot of them here.

Murph's encounter design is at it's best throughout. There are multiple battles that could've been the finale battle in most campaigns. High King Durretar, The Crick, Ultrus, Alexandrite in Tsunare, Ice Knife and the Jovyre battles are all spectacular.

Murph does a great job at giving us new NPCs to love like Albin and Kenna, and his returning NPCs don't overshadow or steal spotlight from the new story. Meeting Big Bev 200 years later was really incredible. The expansion of Cooter's story and the tragedy of it is a highlight for me. He's such a sympathetic character.

The players continue to become more and more skilled as D&D players. Their chemistry is always great, but they built really strong characters mechanically (especially Callie, because it's Emily, duh) and really strong characterization. I really feel like I understand their characters and it took less time in C3 for me to get a grasp on everyone's deal.

C3 is my least favourite of the main campaigns. It has some of the highest peeks of the podcast. But I was less invested overall. That could very well be down to the release schedule. Or it just not hitting for me as hard. But I still love it. Least favourite is still a favourite.

Mothership/Alexandrite made for a better BBEG than Jovyre. The ubiquitous tech corporation being the de facto multinational government superpower, the ultra-capitalist oligarchical oppressor led by a resource consuming A.I. resulting in the rise and spread of authoritarian fascism feels relevant. It would have even made more sense for Glen, a wannabe fascist dictator, to align with Mothership.

Thematically, I understand Jovyre's role. She is a younger sibling who never learned to grow from feeling trapped in her sister's shadow and who let those feelings fester for centuries. It's a thematic parallel to Callie but Jovyre should have been the reflection of how broken Callie could become if she didn't reconcile with Cyra. It's the wrong thematic thread to follow all the way to the endgame.

I'm not against Jovyre as a villain. But she feels more like a personal villain for Callie in a similar way as Marabelle was to Moonshine. Structurally, it's not as satisfying because Jovyre is less scary than fascism sweeping through Bahumia.

I could've used more time with the characters. I love them all but the pacing really limited the downtime. Downtime is important for characterization. I like "filler" episodes. Give me an hour and a half of the characters hanging out. Give me slower beats in which characters are just roleplaying dramatic moments.

I really hoped there would be a romance. We get silly bits but this is a point I've reiterated. I'd love for Naddpod to explore a serious romantic relationship.

The locations of this campaign are wonderful. I loved revisiting places and Murph's description of them and how 200 years reshaped them. The living wood changed so much it was wild. Getting to see Irondeep rebuilt was great given that we mostly saw it as rubble in C1. The new places like Tsunare and the Ice Knife were among my favourites.

Emily's music has only gotten better. Every campaign it's better produced. Her vocals have gotten stronger. I'm so enamoured of her music that I will push it on people even if they aren't into D&D. You don't need to know D&D to listen to "Home Is Where the Hearth Is" or "Riverboat Shanty". I return to her tunes again and again.

Jake returning as Hardwon was unexpected. I really can't stop thinking about how manic Hardwon got the second he heard Moonshine in trouble. That was such a magical moment. And his acting rocked.

Caldwell's lil frog guy had such potential for hijinks, but gives us a special character study in how childhood hardship shapes one's adulthood. I would've loved more exploration of this and how his entire character is about building a family he never had and taking care of them.

Listening to Emily take Callie on a journey of growth, acceptance of herself and gaining self-confidence was really lovely. I would love 10 more episodes in the campaign to explore that.

The theme of siblings, especially YOUNGER siblings throughout the campaign is really good. I also think it's relevant that C3 is the younger sibling of C1 and how the themes of younger siblings striving to live up to their older siblings plays out.

Overall, I loved the campaign. I have my criticisms but I do appreciate that no amount of planning can prepare Murph for what the characters will do and how the collaborative and improvisational aspects of D&D don't lend themselves to cohesion. So while I say these things, I have way more understanding and give way more leeway for messiness in the stories.

[indelen]

This is my reread of the Lockwood and Co. Books, organized by @blue-boxes-magic-and-tea , I'll make a general summary of several chapters and then post bits and pieces that jumped out at me.

Part IV: Chapters 19-21

There is something to be said about how effectively the book builds tension. We spend so much time before the night actually starts and the trio gets to the actual haunting. The time on the train. The time walking around the grounds. The time listening to Fairfax bloviate. And the entire time the sun is going down and the tension builds and builds. You hate Fairfax more and more. You hate the house and its ugly tapestries and fancy uncomfortable furniture. You understand how dangerous this job is and how little the person who hired these kids values life. It’s very effective. By the time we get to the actual Red Room we’re already on edge. And this is something that’s kind of hard to build in a TV show. You’ll lose momentum if it’s stretched over a period of several episodes and what’s effective on the page is harder to translate on screen. But if you cram everything into one episode the tension never builds in a satisfying way. I personally would have loved to see a two parter with one episode before going into the Red Room, one after and one additional lighthearted intermission one where the fallout is discussed and the audience gets a breather before heading into Whispering Skull. But that’s just not the way TV is made these days.

Bits and pieces:

I love how subtly the books reveal more and more about The Problem. The Screaming Staircase is very much an introduction but even here we see the beginning of the overarching plot. Not only are there ghosts and the world sucks because of them, but in really bad hauntings you get a sort of psychic cascade where the Visitors feed off each other’s power and create one psychically volatile place. We will later learn that Lucy is, in a way, more right than she realizes when she says “The house was just a gate”. From here every book builds on this idea. The Whispering Skull shows us humans have been trying to manufacture this kind of effect on purpose since way before The Problem. The Hollow Boy shows us it’s being done still. Creeping Shadow shows to what end. Final book pulls all these threads together. As much as I would have loved more books with more adventures and pining, thematically the five books complete the story in a very satisfying way. The overall plot is revealed gradually but effectively to its natural resolution.

Truly art worth preserving at the cost of multiple human lives. Trio should have definitely set this one on fire. As a treat.

Fairfax is the most “peaked in highschool” man ever. This is an 80 year old man, one of the richest and most powerful people in the country, he lived a whole life in the best and most privileged possible way. And yet he still returns to and mythologizes and obsesses over his past. He devises this whole plan when in all likelihood it’s not necessary. Even if some kids do have some necklace that has some initials in it, DEPRAC jumps when he claps! You can’t tell me he doesn't have enough money and influence to make all this go away! But he pulls this overcomplicated plan anyway because he just can’t bear the romantic image of his youthful self being diminished. I mentioned before that Lockwood’s love of disguises and theatrical accents is a bit much because it’s a childlike quality, an endearing one in a kid but one he learns to temper with age. He grows up. Fairfax never does and it ruins him. This is a recurring theme in these books - powerful adults addicted to the image they built for themselves in their youth so much they throw a tantrum when it’s threatened and this undoes them.

There is a great irony in Fairfax saying this to Lockwood who is actually a hero suspended between life and death due to actual tragedies in his life. Fairfax cosplayed being an actor, he partied, had illicit affairs, committed crimes and then when he had his fun he put on a suit and went to run a multimillion corporation. He had the biggest, widest, sturdiest safety net imaginable. I wonder if he was even any good or if his position, money and influence in some ways paid for the recognition he received?

Love the double meaning here. Did Lucy mean “shut his trap” as in “shut his mouth” or did she, like Lockwood, already knew that this whole thing was a trap Fairfax lured them in from the beginning?

The redemption arc of The Coat!!!!!

I really do like how the book stresses the fact that Lockwood never really trusted Fairfax and seems to have a very low opinion of him but masked it well. Lockwood is extremely impassive but later when he meets other influential people who very much try to flatter him he’s just as cordial but emotionally closed off with them and it makes you think he probably doesn't like them or trust them either.

Love when Lockwood is being an absolute teenage bastard when some tries to corner him, it’s always so funny. Him casually stuffing toilet water covered plastic garbage into Fairfax’s priceless vase is up there.

The books very well sets up the levels of education the trio has. George is the most conventionally educated out of the three. Generally, when it comes to any kind of general information, there is very little he doesn't know. Lockwood seems to have a more haphazard piecemeal education, he’s aware of topics like history and anthropology, has a broad vocabulary, but there are gaps. Maybe at the start he went to a good school or had a tutor given the socioeconomic class he was born into (we know he had a nanny!), but he probably stopped his education when he started training as an agent although he kept reading his parents papers and other similar information to be close to them. Lucy meanwhile is shown to have the most gaps - she doesn't know what “ululation” means, in later books she mixes up “compliment” and “complement” and makes other mistakes like this as well. What I like is that the narrative never shames or punishes her for her lack of education (in-universe George does mock her in passing for it at the start of SS but never again even when they are at their most hostile and it’s certainly not a turn off for Lockwood at any point). Education is a basic necessity and it was adults who robbed her of it, failing her at every turn. (that she’s a girl matters here too, education for women is often more restricted). The books warn kids how easy it can be to strip away their basic human rights.

Why Lucy, that sounds dangerously like a compliment! I love the idea of George as an inverse sort of Clark Kent where his superhero mode comes when he puts on his glasses. George’s glasses are like Lockwood’s coat, a part of him, his weakness and his strength in equal measure.

Lucy describes Lockwood’s smile count: 9

[winterweary]

Barbatos 🌂

Okay so forgive me because all I could think of when I saw this was how much Barbatos probably enjoys the musical Singin' in the Rain. I feel like he secretly (not so secretly?) is a huge broadway/live theater fan. He certainly has memorized the main dance number.

So I'm using this as an excuse to do an entirely indulgent Bros + Extras HC post:

What is their favorite musical?

Lucifer: Les Misérables. Happy endings where? He appreciates the nuanced plot and relates to all the bullshit the leads have to deal with. He gets teary at the end but will never let a soul see. Except perhaps you. Perhaps.

Mammon: Newsies. A bunch of scrappy up start business boys coming together to demand some extra coin for their hard work? What’s not to like? I mean, if you asked him he’d deny enjoying musicals at all, but we’ve all heard him singing the lyrics under his breath.

Leviathan: Six. History but turned into an idol concert? His dream. For a period he got way into learning everything there was to know about Henry VIII’s six wives and he and Satan were insufferable, spouting facts to anyone who would listen.

Satan: Phantom of the Opera. A classic, and for a reason. He admires the impact it had on contemporary theater and he claims to relate to the Phantom…but you know better. Once he admitted to you that his real favorite was Wicked, and you suspect he sees himself in Elphaba more than he may be ready to admit.

Asmodeus: Chicago, of course. Razzle Dazzle? When You’re Good to Mama? CELL BLOCK TANGO? This is the most Asmo-coded musical to ever grace the stage. You know he’s just WAITING for the excuse to force his brothers to dress up and perform with him. He'd be satisfied if you'd settle for a private performance as well.

Beelzebub: Beel has a hard time with live theater, because it’s a long time to sit without any concessions to get him through. Watching a performance on TV or as a movie though he’s happy with. His personal favorite is Peter Pan. He likes the Lost Boys the best, a group of brothers all happy together (and Wendy too of course). Also, he knows it doesn't count...but that food scene in Hook? Nice.

Belphegor: Heathers. What can he say, he likes the bitchiness. Also he always thought J.D kinda had a point. He likes to imagine that he and Veronica blow up the school and run away together to live happily ever after in a sort of a twisted Bonnie and Clyde way. Anyway, how about those uniforms? Any chance of you wearing one of those sometime ha ha…?

Diavolo: The Lion King. Oh man oh man Diavolo loves The Lion King. Does he frequently tease Barbatos (and sometimes Lucifer) about being his Zazu? Absolutely. Was Nala his first not-so-secret crush? Oh yes. Does he wish he had a dad like Mufasa? …Well, let’s not worry about that. Diavolo loves every minute of the play, but he openly weeps at the end when Simba takes his place as king.

Barbatos: Singin’ in the Rain. The classic aesthetic, themes of struggling with adjustment in a changing world, a triumphant ending...it's a bit of an escapism pleasure for Barbatos. Not to mention, he's happy for any excuse to dress up and go out on the town with you on his arm.

Solomon: Moulin Rouge. Solomon is a romantic at heart, but he’s a romantic who knows that all too often, romances are tragedies wearing a mask. He enjoys indulging in the sweetness of the love story, the hopeful crescendo, before the fall into the reality of loss. He finds it depressing in a comforting way, like an old friend waving hello from across the street. As time with you goes on however, he finds it’s becoming harder to watch through to the end…Perhaps Beauty and the Beast is more to his new tastes?

Simeon: Waitress. Simeon, like Lucifer and Solomon, enjoys the bittersweetness. He likes that it doesn’t shy away from the messiness of human connection. As an angel, it’s fascinating, like a fruit he can never know the flavor of. However, unlike the other men, Simeon likes a happy ending, and the ending of Waitress makes him choke up for different reasons. If Luke asks, however, his favorite is Matilda.

Luke: Annie. Little kids being rascals and naughty with the sweetness of a tender adoption story? It makes him feel warm and fuzzy (and mischievous) every time. Knows all the words to every song though he won’t admit it in front of Mammon.

[july-19th-club]

and on some level she knows. she’s known them long enough, she has to know. i always read it as implied, and she never asks them to explain it. it’s not about who’s writing the letters. the letters are a means to an end. they say what she feels, they say what she knows the man (the men) she loves feel. it’s not about the letters, never has been, it’s just about the incredibly intricate rituals these people will create in order to articulate and receive love. so it doesn’t last. not about that either, just about illustrating the fallout of loving people so much you will let them fuck you up for as long as you’re alive, let them wash over you without ever touching you, let them keep you in the dark about things that would change everything if they were honest, let them leave you behind with the memories of what you had or could have had or almost had and you go on without them christ i feel like this rn

[ID: a blurry photo of a girl in a bralette and short shorts standing in a wide, low stance in the middle of a crowd of people. she’s leaning back, arms spread out, in profile to the viewer, and a beam of light appears to be bursting out of her chest and shooting up out of sight (presumably, she’s standing under a spotlight to achieve the effect). all in all it looks like she’s overwhelmed with power, maybe laughing maniacally a little bit].

the ‘all love triangles can be solved by polyamory’ thing is a little overblown (on this platform and only this one lol) except in the case of cyrano de bergerac in which case yes, of course, that’s the only way through, but it has to end badly. they all love one another very deeply, they are all to crucial and individual degrees ignorant to the extent of the love, they are all desperate not to hurt one another in pursuit of that love, and they are all doomed to fail. that’s the special sauce

[agirlunderarock]

You know what I haven't done in a while?

Give

More characters I headcanon as being on the asexual spectrum

We're long overdue for this and I'm still at the peak of my star wars hyperfixation so this one is going to be all star wars related

1. OBI-WAN KENOBI

The man is on the asexual spectrum, probably demiromantic my favorite kind of romantic. Like name me a character aside from Frodo (who is also ace) who endures so many tragedies but still has so much love in his heart that it hurts. He has so much love for his friends, they're his family, he'd do anything for them whether they know it or not. Now I know what some of you are going to say, "but Sierra he flirts like a bitch-" and? Whats you're point? Flirting can be fun. He likes word play and showing he's the smartest person in the room, or at least giving that energy. Being bad at flirting isn't an asexual trait. Besides, I too would flirt with Ventress, she makes it too easy. Also I absolutely chose this gif on purpose nothing has given me an ace crisis more than that cloak drop.

2. REY SKYWALKER

I'm sorry but that one shirtless scene with Kylo Ren did not strike me in any way as building sexual tension. Rey is another character with so much love for people, and a belief that there is good in everyone. To me her story should have never involved a romantic arc- (though I do have a way that it would make it satisfying to me and make me actually want to give Kylo Ren an actual redemption arc but thats a different post and I need to rewatch) Rey's story and really all of the stories in the sequel centered around personal identity- and I'm getting off track. Rey is ace and thats all. The only ship she gets excited about is the Falcon. Like what else do you need but a lazer sword and a space ship? A GANG OF FRIENDS TO KICK FASCIST ASS THATS WHAT

3. ANAKIN SKYWALKER

Man only ever loved three women. One was his mother, the third was like his little sister and then of course Padmé. That being said the only reason I don't put him as demiromantic like Obi-Wan is because like it was practically a snap decision for Anakin. Boy fell so hard for Padmé and that was that. And again I know what you're gonna say, "But Sierra he had sex with Padmé!" Yes, whats your point? Still on the asexual spectrum. He can be demisexual or just a sex positive asexual- he can be ace and enjoy being with Padmé.

4. JANGO FETT

The king of asexuals. Man wanted a son and straight up did it through cloning. Good for him. Jango is a guy who's grown on me recently but it has everything to do with his friendship with Zam Wessel before he killed her and I just 🥺 All I'm saying is he's a cool dude okay

5. AHSOKA TANO

Okay now I haven't read the books but I heard about that part where a girl she helps tells her she could kiss her and Ahsoka responds with "Uh thanks?" And if that isn't the most ace response I dont know what is. Sure there was that weird thing with Lux, but like he feels kinda like stale bread retoasted too many times (like the trope with jedi having relationships with political figures). What I'm saying is Ahsoka is yet another character with so much love and respect for her friends and eager to experience the galaxy. A+ ace rep

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[asflametosmoke]

james farrow analysis (+ oliver and richard as they relate to him)

so last night i stayed up until 2 am messaging with my friend about iwwv, and what is tumblr for if not posting your 2 am ramblings. (i’ve streamlined and expanded on them a bit.)

massive spoilers for the whole book under the cut.

(edit: i realize now that the cut doesn’t show up on mobile, sorry 😬)

part i - james farrow + heroism

james’s casting archetype is the hero/lover/prince, but he actually subverts tropes of traditional heroism/heroic characters.

he doesn’t really have classic heroic traits. he’s not really brave, he’s slight of build, he’s intelligent yet manipulative.

he doesn’t really fall in love with the ingenue, wren. he sleeps with her, but more than anything, he does it to make oliver jealous. and i didn’t read his protectiveness of her as something that comes from a place of romantic love. you’re welcome to disagree, of course, because that’s a bit ambiguous, but most of the squad is protective of wren. james isn’t unique there. we see oliver and even richard, in his own way, feeling protective towards her. it’s not really an indicator that he loved her.

he falls into the trope of the hero killing the tyrant (richard), but it’s not a heroic action when he does it. it’s not a noble slaying. it’s the desperate act of a cornered animal.

he has what you might call a “hero complex”, a need to save and protect everyone. but this backfires hugely. his need to protect wren leads to him going into the woods to find richard, which, as we know, ends up with richard dead in the lake. his need to save oliver (and his own guilt over not having been able to save him) leads to the deterioration of his mental state, even to the point where he feels the need to disappear.

part ii - james farrow + villainy [buckle up, this is a long one]

here’s where it gets interesting. there are a lot of moving parts here:

he says he wants more variety on his resume, to not play heroes and lovers and princes all the time.

in gwedolyn’s class, he says he immerses himself in every character he plays, but can’t always find himself again afterwards.

he gets cast as macbeth.

he gets cast as edmund, the villain in king lear.

over the course of acts iv and v, he goes slightly insane.

james’s casting in the role of macbeth is arguably the inciting incident. it’s the root cause of richard going off the rails. it’s also the first time he plays a villainous character (macbeth is the tragic hero, sure, but when i say “villain” i mean it in the moral sense), and it virtually intoxicates him.

being cast in the role of edmund is not, of course, the only thing wearing on his sanity throughout acts iv and v. but it doesn’t help either. he says, “i want to hurt the whole world.” ultimately, this stems from his trauma from killing richard, but it’s no coincidence that he got himself cast as edmund while in this state. he wants to hurt the whole world, as james, and by immersing himself in edmund, he finds rhyme and reason for it.

not only that, but it’s through edmund and lear in general, through the vessel of villainy and tragedy, that he’s the most honest before his confession. in act v, scene ii, he gets drunk and desperately tries to talk to oliver through lear. there’s a lot to unpack in this scene, but here are some of the highlights:

“they’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipped for lying, and sometimes i am whipp’d for holding my peace.”

i’ve never read lear, so i can’t contextualize this in the play, but it’s very relevant to james. he’ll be punished (sent to prison) for confessing, but oliver can’t take any more lies.

“‘where is the villain, edmund?’ i asked. he smiled crazily and echoed, ‘“where is the villain, edmund?” a pause for punctuation, yes? but not the playwright’s - commas belong to the compositors. “where is the villain edmund? here, sir, but trouble him not - his wits are gone.”’

james isn’t really talking about edmund here, of course. he’s talking about himself, calling himself a “villain” and admitting he’s gone more than a little crazy with guilt and fear (“his wits are gone.”) he thinks he can’t be saved. but his hero complex and archetype are still important here. he’s been deemed the hero for years, and now all of a sudden he’s committed murder. his complex, his need to save everyone that in part stems from the role he’s been given for his whole career, is at war with his new belief that he himself cannot be saved.

“‘no less than all - and more, much more. the time will bring it out!’ he wrenched his arm away and smoothed the front of his shirt, as if he were trying to wipe his hands clean. ‘some blood drawn on me would beget opinion / of my more fierce endeavor.’”

clearly, this is a reference to richard’s death. james knows he’s running out of time, and soon enough his secret will be revealed one way or another. it also shows his guilt: he’s trying to “wipe his hands clean”, presumably of figurative blood, and he thinks he deserves to be hurt for his “more fierce endeavor” e.g. killing richard.

part iii - james + richard + oliver + royalty

princes fall into james’s archetype along with heroes and lovers.

kings fall into richard’s archetype along with tyrants and conquerors.

in the woods, richard repeatedly calls james “little prince”, placing james “below” richard in both literal and figurative stature.

after james’s confession, oliver says “worthy prince, i know’t” to him onstage even though he’s supposed to say that line to camilo.

he’s reclaiming the word from richard, in a sense, and telling james that no matter what he’s done, he’s still a “worthy prince”. he means everything to oliver despite the fact that he’s a murderer, and despite the fact that he himself doesn’t believe he’s noble anymore (though he desperately wants to be). it’s quite literally a love language for oliver, and perhaps the closest he comes to a declaration of love.

part iv - james + richard + oliver + the water [this is also a long one]

richard wants to see james drowned, and oliver is the only one preventing this.

the first appearance of this motif is on halloween, when richard tries to drown james in the lake.

this foreshadows james’s eventual fate. whether or not he truly drowned in the end is, of course, a point of contention. for the purposes of this analysis, i won’t take a position on whether or not james is alive, and i will address it with the same ambiguity that canon gives it. however, regardless of whether or not james is alive by the end, it’s undeniable that he went under the water, and in a sense, it was richard that dragged him under. filippa says, “it was the guilt, oliver.” and once oliver isn’t there to comfort him, enable the two of them to forget richard for a little while, it’s only a matter of time before his guilt weighs him down so much that he feels the need to disappear from his own life. even if he’s not dead, he’s certainly not james farrow anymore, wherever he might be.

james reveals that richard kept pushing him towards the dock. it’s unclear if he really intended to drown james or even push him in the water, but it’s not unlikely that this was his intention.

in the dock scene (act iii, scene i), james tries to dive into the water to save richard’s life, and oliver stops him. but oliver goes into the water himself in that scene (to make sure richard’s dead before they call the police). this parallels how in the end, oliver will turn himself in and falsely confess to save james.

finally, there’s the epilogue. when filippa tells oliver “james is gone”, oliver sees richard’s ghost again. “there he sits, in lounging, leonine arrogance. he watches me with a razor-thin smile and i realize that this is it - the denouement, the counterstroke, the end-all he was waiting for. he lingers only long enough for me to see the gleam of triumph in his half-lidded eyes; then he, too, is gone.”

this is the confirmation: from oliver’s perspective, at least, richard has always, always wanted to drown james. it was certainly his intention at halloween. while to us, it’s unclear whether or not that was his intention at the dock, oliver believes it was. so he sees richard’s ghost again and gets a final confirmation of what he’s always believed. richard, as oliver sees him, is finally satisfied.

but we’re not done. how could i be, without addressing the pericles in the room?

disclaimer: i’ve never read pericles, so as with lear, i’m not going to contextualize the monologue contained in james’s “suicide note” in the play as a whole. that’s a separate analysis, albeit an interesting one i’m sure, for someone with more shakespeare knowledge than me. (although i have read caesar, so i might analyze iwwv and caesar some time in the future.)

“alas, the sea hath cast me on the rock / wash’d me from shore to shore, and left me breath / nothing to think on but ensuing death.”

right from the outset, we see that james might be alive. he’s been “wash’d [...] from shore to shore, and left [...] breath”. the water has transformed him (to use a christian metaphor, almost like a kind of baptism. i think. i’m Extremely jewish so i might be using that wrong.) but not necessarily killed him.

death consumes james’s thoughts, and it likely has since he killed richard seven years earlier.

“what i have been i have forgot to know; / but what i am, want teaches me to think on: / a man throng’d up with cold: my veins are chill, / and have no more of life than may suffice / to give my tongue that heat to ask your help; which if you shall refuse, when i am dead, / for that i am a man, pray see me buried.”

all the life has slowly been sucked out of him since he killed richard to the point where he’s little more than a shell of a man by 2004, so he decides to disappear into the water. again, whether or not he’s dead, he’s clearly not living the life of james farrow anymore, wherever he may be. so he’s disappeared. he may not be dead, but james farrow, the identity if not the man, did drown in that freezing water.

and yet, he has just enough of a will to live, just enough of a desire to be known (and perhaps loved) that he writes this note and puts oliver’s name on the envelope. he’s not ready to drown just yet. maybe the water didn’t care and drowned him anyway. but maybe, just maybe, it saved him.

part v - conclusion/author’s notes

if you stuck around all the way here, to the end, wow. thanks for suffering through my ramblings. seriously, thank you. and congratulations i guess.

i tried to write a tl;dr, i’m sorry, i failed. i know my strengths, and conciseness isn’t one of them.

i do wanna say this, though: james farrow is not a good person. neither is he a bad person. iwwv does not deal in moral absolutes, or really any absolutes at all. and i do feel like we as a reader base and fanbase don’t always do the best job at acknowledging james’s moral complexity. (or oliver’s, or meredith’s, but that’s another post for another time.) this is not a direct callout to anyone in particular, nor is it an attack. it’s really just meant to be food for thought.

[flying-elliska]

so, I finished the magnus archives ...(spoilers)

unfortunately i'd been spoiled for most of what happened in it but it was still cool to listen to especially since the audio work on it was incredible (those haunted tape noises are the coolest thing i've ever heard on a podcast, it was so slick)

it worked for me on the level of the emotional reaction. it was very sad and poignant. i often find horror stories difficult because either the characters are assholes and then i don't care and the whole thing becomes pointless for me or i get too attached to the characters and then I'm devastated when bad things happen to them and this was definitely the former. I really wish these characters existed in a spooky paranormal fantasy/workplace comedy-drama where they could get the comfort and overwinnings they deserved, but alas. i get they were bound by the genre though and that bad things needed to happen. i think they did a good job of balancing the horror and tragedy and not making it too grim at the same time.

it didn't blow me away either tbh, like for instance the s4 ending did. but i think after all the insane levels of world-building up they did, it was bound to be a bit underwhelming, with some arcs and characters left underused (Agnes!!!!). it misses a bit of a wow factor i had at other times in the series. the thing with horror is that there is only so far you can push character growth before it becomes too optimistic, and so when you go really deep into a character arc that's not strictly a corruption, it can often feel frustrating and unfinished in terms of emotional payoff.

I have mixed feelings about s5 as a whole. It's really cool that they experimented with something new, the concept of the fearscape is fascinating, and some of the statements are among my favorites in the whole show (the Sick Village, Recollections, the Gardener, Wonderland, the Processing Line, Moving on...) and really bring the cosmic horror/metaphor for the horrors of capitalism/ableism/abuse/etc in a way that feels strangely cathartic and understanding and glorious - but a lot of the others, especially in act 2/3, felt very forgettable and repetitive, and less like stories that could stand on their own, which i loved about the more traditional statements. Once it becomes clear that Jon (and Martin as a consequence) can't really be hurt, and the more it all becomes very detached from the real world, the sense of doom and foreboding that they did so well throughout the whole show kind of vanishes. The tension weirdly feels lower because the worst has already happened. I really believe in 'more is less' when it comes to scary things, and in a hell world where everything is horrible everywhere, it has less impact after a while. I did love the relationship between Jon and Martin providing those moments of humanity and warmth in the midst of it all, though, that was sweet.

the end itself...well, I found the dilemma interesting on a character level. of course Jon would sacrifice himself ; he feels so guilty he would doom the entire world to die rather than have to shoulder even more guilt for the fears potentially conquering other dimensions. he's spent so long feeling powerless and out of his depth that he would grasp this chance to finally make a choice and have agency and protect at least some people and keep the fears from extending their reach. but i love that he wasn't able to see it through either. it's so human. him and Martin breaking their promises to each other isn't miscommunication, it's deeply rooted in their respective personalities. of course Martin would do anything not to lose Jon since that love is basically the thing that saved him from the Lonely.

i don't think any of the options they had were the 'right choice' - both were shitty and atrocious, but the one that ended up happening is the one i would have picked, because it leaves some space for hope. If Jon had chosen to end their world to trap the fears, killing billions of people in the process, that would have been certain doom. With the fears sucked into other dimensions - first of all they had no certainty that the fears didn't already exist somewhere else, and any of the other worlds still have a fighting chance. I mean, it still sucks tremendously, it's very scary and ethically questionable and a massive risk, but at least it's open and it leaves it up to the people in the other worlds to make their own choices. And their world has a chance to recover. I find the idea that people remember what happened and the concept of a post-post apocalyptic world fascinating. I also really like that Melanie, Georgie and Basira (and the Admiral) made it out alive, and that we don't really know what happened to Jon and Martin. For a horror podcast that's super dark, violent and depressing, it's kind of awesome how they managed to sidestep 'bury your gays' very elegantly.

I've read this head canon somewhere of Jon and Martin being scattered across dimensions as these not-quite-human anymore entities that work to warn people and counteract the fears, powered by love and the desire to make things better, and I think that's my favorite post-canon option, because while it's still kind of a horrible fate it's also the one that gives them the most agency and it's also kind of romantic (way too much for a horror podcast, I'm aware, but i like that open endings like these allow you to make your own decisions about what happened).

also, the Web won, which is terrifying. the idea that it's using people as neurons ! horrible. amazing.

on a philosophical level I'm not sure i find the whole thing all that interesting, as a thought experiment, because i don't believe the universe is this consistently evil in the real world, so i don't find it super relevant. I'm also not the kind of hardcore fan who remembers a lot of details about previous seasons, so maybe I'm missing something.

But yeah overall I think in terms of storytelling this remains a pretty decent ending with enough layers to make it satisfying. it wasn't transcendent but it didn't ruin the whole thing, at least (*cough cough the Black Tapes*) and I can see myself listening to it again in a few years. and i'm definitely going to need a few fix-it fics now.

[maxbegone]

AND WE ARE BACK! 

Part two of the Schitt’s Creek Community Fic Rec is here! This time, we focused on celebrating our favorite AU’s! Once again, this is dedicated with love to the the authors of this community! Every participant chose one AU (which was a little hard to do for some) to share and why they enjoyed it.

Thank you to everyone who submitted!

@bestwisheswarmestregards​ // @brighter-than-sunshine​ // @danieljradcliffe​ // @devilstelephone​ // @fishyspots​ // @imargaery​ // @justwaiting23​ // @patrickbrewsky​ // @rockinhamburger​ // @roguebabyinyourstore​ // @rosebuddsmotel​ // @stuck-on-your-heart​ // @the-13th-wheel​ // @thedidipickles​ // @thisbuildinghasfeelings​ // @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

And a very special thank you to anyone who has ever written anything in this community! 

Everything is posted below the cut, and you can check out part one here! 

**As always, if I missed an author’s tumblr handle, please let me know! 

@bestwisheswarmestregards​

Odd Man Rush by @samwhambam​

It’s David and Patrick and Hockey! Three of my favorite things! Also the ending is one of my favorite endings. It’s so sweet! It’s part of the series score and all of the stories are so cute but this one is my favorite!

@brighter-than-sunshine​

Thanks For Choosing Bagged! by dinnfameron

I love this one because the dialogue is so adorable, and true to David and Patrick! I can totally see the characters getting involved in something like this, like a different version of a rom-com.

@danieljradcliffe​

Going Down by concannonfodder

This is one of the best stories of NYC!David and recently out Patrick while they're both trying to find themselves. It's beautifully written and my favourite part is that each chapter switches between David and Patrick's POV. It does a great job of highlighting the aspects of their personalities that we know and love but shows them to us in a new light.

@devilstelephone​

sustineo by @rockinhamburger​

The contemporary art discussions between Patrick and David are interesting and important to the story. Patrick still cares for and emotionally connects with David In a world that is so different than Schitt’s Creek. I liked that Sebastian Raine was the evil force without being included as a character.

@fishyspots​

Welcome to Cabaret by @vivianblakesunrisebay​

It's lovely from start to finish! In this 'verse, Christmas World didn't pull out, so David didn't get the lease for the general store. Instead, he gets roped into helping Moira with Cabaret, and meets Patrick (kind of) through that. I love the way this author writes. The dialogue is in-character, and the plot is wonderful and pulls out moments from canon and reimagines them in some truly inspired ways. I'm such a fan of all of this author's works; this was the first one I read, and it remains my favorite.

@imargaery​

David.; or, a Tale of Misapplied Sense by Siria

A Jane Austen D&P AU and it is BRILLIANT. If you're an Austen fan, you will be able to immediately pick up on how well this author adapted Austen's style, wit, character descriptions, and ability to whack you over the head with romance when you're not even ready for it yet. Siria is a very experienced fanfic writer, but writes for many fandoms, so I think that's maybe why it doesn't have that many hits? I'm so glad I clicked on it. I want to wrap myself up in this story. I want to make a podfic out of it. I want to put it on a t-shirt and wear it every day. Also, it's in a regency AU where homophobia isn't a thing, so you don't even have to worry about that. I want to tell you more, but that would spoil it. Just read the damn thing and thank me later.

@justwaiting23​

You Were the Ocean, I Was Just a Stone by @al-ex-an-d-er-hamiltons​ 

The image of a curly haired fisherman Patrick is enough but this whole fic is such a sweet concept. Their interactions in this are so reminiscent of the show but also so different because they already know each other vaguely, and I come back to this fic over and over just because it's the perfect mix of angsty miscommunication and fluff.

@maxbegone​

Known and Be Known by ahurston

As someone who tends to lean toward canon/canon-divergent stories, this was a refreshing take on an AU. Beautifully written and wonderfully raw, ahurston conveyed the vulnerabilities between both David and Patrick so wonderfully. “The mortifying ordeal of being known,” personified in fanfiction format. With humor and some wonderfully hot scenes peppered throughout, this fic was just brilliant from start to finish. I love when authors explore Patrick's insecurities and vulnerabilities - they aren't written about as often as David's are. I implore you to read this, if you're able.

@patrickbrewsky​

Bound by Symmetry by barelypink

They say write what you know. I instead read what I know. David is the accidentally fantastic teacher we all wished we'd had in high school, and some of us wish/hope we are or might be one day. This fic is a great exploration of combining everything David knows he is (creative, bright, v.knowledgeable about art) and all the things he thinks he's not (empathetic, a role model, great with kids, selfless, kind, & big hearted) The selling point quote: "And it feels good, David realizes, to have a job that means something, a purpose beyond himself. A place where he feels like he belongs, just like his students." (David Rose proves he is both a good and nice person).

@rockinhamburger​

Blackbird, Fly by distractivate 

This is a post-apocalyptic story about love, connection, and hope, with a central theme of growth from destruction. I could not put this one down; I read it feverishly in one sitting, desperate to soak up every word. I love this fic because it is what I like to think of as an exemplar for transformative works (one of ao3’s top values). I love the way the fic stretches toward the light in the dark. It makes me think: about the quintessential elements of these characters, what remains the same despite changed circumstance, and what inevitably shifts when these characters we know and love are faced with a situation far outside their experience or comfort. This story likely hits differently in 2020, when post-apocalyptic narratives feel much less distant than they might have just a year ago. And yet, all the more reason to read an incredible work about hope and resilience and transformation.

@roguebabyinyourstore​

Fifteen Hundred Miles by MoreHuman

Where do I even begin with this fic? I was at first skeptical about what reason David Rose would have to willingly subject himself to a trek through the wilderness out of his own volition. Well I’m so glad I ignored that admittedly stupid part of me because this is one of the mostly beautifully crafted stories I have ever read. Patrick and David are individually on their own journeys of self-discovery, but the way they help each other find what they sought... It’s breathtaking. Their feelings for each other bloom so organically over their time together that despite the circumstances laid out before them, the miles that they stumble and walk and run bring them miles closer to each other. Closer to the love that they both didn’t know they needed. The characters come alive and are identical to their canon selves. The dialogue and banter are spot on David and Patrick. The writing itself is superb. The tropes are incredible, the pining and *oh no there’s only one tent.* The slow burn is tantalizing but in a way that feels true to a genuine love story. The way the setting somehow breathes in tune with the characters, the way they leave messages behind in the trail register—conveying more than they can utter aloud— and the way their families communicate with them throughout their time on the trail through letters. All of the elements of this story ground it in universal truth, in feelings that are not only relatable, believable but demand to be felt. I can wax poetic until I am blue in the face, but really... Read this story. And then reread it a million times.

@rosebuddsmotel​

I Carry These Heart-Shapes Only to You by @ladyflowdi​ and @ships-to-sail​

There are over 180,000 words in this WWII AU, but not one of those words is wasted. It is gorgeous in its prose, and incredibly romantic without romanticizing the very real pain and tragedies of the era in which it exists. It's not an easy read by any means, but it's the kind of cathartic emotional journey that is more than worth it in the end.

@stuck-on-your-heart​ 

kiss from a rose by mihaly ( @davidroseshusband​ )

What can I say about this very special fic that would do it justice? In this story, Alexis stars in a Bachelorette-style dating show and it’s every bit as brilliant as it sounds. On top of the incredible characterization, there are little surprises at every turn, there’s pining, and of course, there’s love. Secret love, even. This fic is truly addicting – I promise you won’t be able to stop once you start reading, and it will leave you feeling so satisfied (and if you’re like me, a little misty)!!!

@the-13th-wheel​

Hold Me Like You’ll Never Let Me Go by @mooodlighting​

It is a wonderful short AU where Patrick and David where they meet at an airport after they get snowed in. It is cute, there is longing and pining that just make it a wonderful read!

@thedidipickles​

Beneath the Winter Snow by Distractivate

The writing is so utterly gorgeous all the way throughout that I frequently needed to take breaks to breathe. The author *perfectly* builds an Olympic world that I can totally see my favorite characters inhabiting, and the resolution is gorgeous. All of Distractivate's AUs are amazing, but this one still stands out.

@thisbuildinghasfeelings​

How Do We Get Back by @unfolded73​

This one deals with a literal alternate universe, which is the first thing I loved about it because I had never read a fic quite like it before. It's a beautifully written 60,000+ word masterpiece that definitely makes me feel ALL the feelings. In addition, it is absolutely riveting. I could not stop reading until I got to the end.

@yourbuttervoicedbeau​

Make It To Me by figmentof ( @rosesdavid )

Epistolatory fic is SO hard to pull off and the author does such an incredible job with the way the characters shine through even though we only see them interact via text message. This fic is my comfort food and I reread it regularly <3

Anonymous Recs:

Just Breathe by olivebranchesandredwine

I love this one because it's got Patrick as a yoga teacher (hot!) and shows David being proactive about anxiety and it's just such a lovely story.

Shall I Stay? by alladaydream ( @maybewecandreamalittle​​ )

This is so worth the 100k wordcount. 18-year-old David and Patrick sweetly leaning into first love, a lot of angst and pining in the middle that allow them both to heal and grow, and a heartfelt reconciliation. Plus, two bonus cherries on top with artist!David and a beautiful epilogue in which they (spoiler) live happily ever after. The tone and pacing of this fic is so good, and I always go back to it when I want to read something comforting.

Your Heart is Keeping Time with Me by @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

I haven't seen 50 First Dates, but this fic is better than the movie could ever be. The author's writing is so beautiful and her David who has amnesia and her Patrick who wants to help him are just PERFECT. I want more and more and more of this.

Once again, thank you to everyone who participated and thank you to every single person who has written something in this community! It would be wonderful to do a part three, but for now, enjoy some alternate universe fics! 

[pseudofaux]

so..... under Comte's MC worship piece you mentioned having some darker ideas for him....... i think it's only natural to ask if you'd ever expand on that at least a little?... 👀

I would and I will 😤😍, thank you so much for asking!

This is ALL GOING UNDER A CUT. If you, gentle reader, don’t like the idea of the ask for/featuring Comte, this post isn’t for you— so please don’t read it. Totally fine if this is not your cup of tea! It is mine. And under the cut is tea time. 😌

He wants her sparkling with life, and happy, and choosing to be with him, of course. But he would love to have stretches of time where she’s both pliant and reliant— he’ll want her submissive to his wishes... to do everything for her. Feed her, bathe her, cosset her, fuck her. Hard. So, so lovingly, but hard, hard enough that she’ll need rest and care afterward, and that is part of the thrill: he creates her pleasure and any resultant soreness or exhaustion, she trusts him to do that even though she knows she doesn’t know how big a trust that is, and then he’s further in charge of all the massaging and hydrating and sheet-changing and moon watching and everything else AFTER.

He’s not a creature that sweats much and he loves to sweat from the physical ways he fucks her whenever they get the chance: holding her bent atop dressers and desks, pinning her against a wall, holding her over the rail of a theater box all done in velvet and gold, standing up to his shoulders in a river or the great baths of the mansion and cupping his hands underneath her thighs while he keeps her naked body in the air like a dryad and licks into her, anywhere. Anywhere! He’s strong and never gets to showwwwww ittttttt. He’s got this thin, devestating edge of keenness inside himself to reveal his strength to her. His aim here is 500% caveman “I am no threat to you but I am Big Damn Threat to anyone who would ever even think about hurting you” display. Sometimes he sweats just from holding himself rigid for her to touch, and her cool, miraculous fingertips tracing his body with obvious wonder and appreciation make him so, so deliciously tense. But sweet gentleman Comte, he loves that pre-snap as much as the snap itself. 🥰 And he loves! loves! HER sweat. It’s not as though it smells sweet, it smells like sweat. And he loves it and it turns him on. Dirty from the garden = charming, him loves him wife, dirty and a bit sweaty from the garden = he’ll be escorting her to the bath. Now. Good DAY, Sebas. You’ve done well.

He wants her blissed out, fucked out, so lucid she loses all her manners and only has him in her eyes. That’s the intimacy he craves, that’s what he’s dying to see under the Christmas tree.

Speaking of Christmas!

He’s really dying to take her to a little country church, something homespun and humble and holy, and make love to her on a dark wood pew. He wants his hand over her mouth and her hand over mouth and he wants them to be so close to getting caught. He wants them stumbling out and giggling like young lovers and he wants her to fall asleep next to him in the carriage home.

Also speaking of Christmas: loves to see her in rich ribbons. Dark blue velveteen with gold edging is his favorite. If she’s game to present herself as a gift to him, he’ll unwrap her with an open glee he very rarely displays. He’s gotten her several ostrich-feather fans and will get her dozens more if he so much as catches her eyes on their boxes. The slow delight of her revealing herself with them is an unparalleled joy in his life.

He doesn’t like her tied up beyond the ribbons. He likes to be tied up himself. 😏 Lives for her circling a chair he sits in, there in their bedroom, and winding ropes or whathaveyou through the arms and legs and around the back to keep his body in place, all the while teasing him with loving touches and sensual offers. If he makes it through that heavenly torture, he sits tied to the chair while she spreads her legs and lets him watch her get off. If he slips out of the bonds or snaps them before she’s finished... she wins that way, too. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Has considered asking Sebastian or Leonardo to tie him to a chair for her to find, so it’s all set up and a nice surprise. Hasn’t done it but knows he won’t be able to resist the idea forever.

All of his cravings for her dependency, even the dark ones, come from the root of his desire to be worthy of her trust. He’s not too angsty about it once they make it official, but none of it is a desire to hurt or endanger her, only to care for her if she is ever imperiled. The closest he comes to that is edging and biting her, but he doesn’t enjoy edging for edging’s sake and would be Very Content to help her orgasm as frequently, blissfully, and quickly as possible. Draw out the lovemaking session, not the denial.

Oooooh, and he’s a talker, during! Of course! So smooth and polite about it, always so mannerly, which makes the crudeness really leap out. Calls her a naughty girl like he does in that hand-licking card (R.I.P. pseu), tells her that the squelch between her legs is magnificent and musical, very free with praise for how rapturously beautiful she is. Asks if she wants sachertorte or fraises avec crême pâtissière as dinner wraps up, and anyone else still at the table rolls their eyes or flees because that the offer is a coded proposition is so obvious, my god, these two, again?

The entire house ships it, it’s fine, also it is Comte’s house

Her moans thrill him, so he often echoes her. If she should call out something like “Oh, god, yes,” it will be hard for him not to do the exact same. The sounds she makes during sex make his dick throb. He’s really enjoyed sitting her on the edge of a high table and stepping between her thighs, feeding from the top curve of one of her breasts, and toying with her with both hands to get her making noise. One broad finger pressing a line down the small of her back, through the lady’s sweat beading there, and following her body between the cheeks of her ass, flirting with her rim for a long time (she clenches, it’s delightful, you can’t fault a man for pleasing his lover) before he makes true contact and she gasps. His favorite. One of many favorites.

He’s a handful man, not a pincher. He wants to have her full breast against his palm much more than he wants to tweak her nipples, and he loves to cup her cunt with his hand and stroke her slit with more than one finger. He’s all about wide, diffuse, overpowering sensations. He’ll grab (he loves to watch her skin pillow his fingers anywhere he can get it), he’ll hold, he’ll use his hold hand to grip. But he thinks of pinching as both too direct and punishing. He’s not a fan.

I could see (AND ENJOY) a Comte/MC/Leonardo triad, but personally I prefer to ship them with her individually. If it’s Comte/MC I’m convinced Comte would arrange for them to be fucking in places where Leonardo will know, at the time (by sound) or after the fact (stuff moved, a scent in the air). There’s no one else in the mansion on his level like Leonardo is, so a little bit of my dick is wetter showing off... is... gonna happen.

He would share her with Leonardo if they all wanted that, as a one-time or short term (what’s a few years of blissful threesomes between friends?) thing. I don’t think the Comte that loves MC pines for Leonardo romantically, but Leo’s understanding is the best non-malevolent way Comte is known, and there’s trust there. I also! think!!! that Comte respects Leonardo’s abilities and inclinations as a lover, so. 😏

He would drink from her until she was weak, 100%. Not every time! But would he do it? YES. Like so weak she needs to rest for a day or two. So weak she needs to rely on him and he can not only keep her in bed but satisfy all her needs, gently and attentively. It’s not about the ego of holding her life in his hands, it’s the opportunity to be the one who serves her so fully. He probably gets in some dumb, angsty tangles about not wanting to be the one to hurt her, but being deeply moved by the idea of caring for her if she were to be hurt, and not being willing to trust anyone else, ever, to hurt her for them. Ah, this goose, I fucking love himmmmmm

Comte has had a few torturous dreams of leaning her against the wall of a ruin, biting her somewhere high on her naked body, and then waiting for the blood to run down her form so he can lick it from her ankles. Her skin is so fragrant and her blood is so sweet... The way bites and blood flows work doesn’t even make the scenario possible, but the dream is deeply arousing. He is not, at all, into torturing her, but the dream is recurring and he doesn’t mind it as a fantasy. He’s got all sorts of ritualized ways to love her in mind.

He’s so in love with making love to her before they go out to plays and insisting she needs no blush or powder. He’s right, she can see it in the mirrors of their room. Keeps her color high with his hands up her skirts on the way to the theater. And at the theater, if she allows. If they see a tragedy performed he’ll be extra watchful for signs of any lingering distress on her part.

Cock warming’s not a bad idea, she is heaven incarnate, but what he really likes is to undo her with his fingers inside her body and then not take them out. If he’s wearing gloves the next morning before etiquette demands them, it’s because they’re still a bit wrinkled. 😌

Has her pose for as many classical portraits as she’s willing to endure. Touches her bare breast while the painter watches to tease all three of them. Sometimes he asks to be added to the painting. Usually not!

Happiness: a nice, wet,  w i d e  bite over her shoulder.

He doesn’t actually like biting her neck because he loves to kiss and nuzzle it so much, the fucking fool! 😂 He likes fleshier parts of her: the aforementioned shoulders, her instep, the curve of both her hips where they flare from the small of her waist. He’s also REAL fond of biting her on her mons and the sacred place where her bottom meets her legs. Goddddddddd. He thinks he’s a derrière man but it’s really THAT part, that hidden curve that is sometimes a crease. He’d live there if he could, and he spends many happy nights laying her out on their bed on her front, fingering her and nosing up the beloved heft of her ass so he can get his fangs into that special place on her body.

The fleshiness is partially for her comfort and partially a mouthfeel thing for him— it’s the best vampiric sensation for Comte when her blood wells over her skin in his mouth, when he can suck a mouthful of skin between the wounds he’s made.

WHEW okay that’s what I’ve got for now. Thank you so much for this ask. 😭😭😭🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

* Sachertorte is him eating her ass while she grinds into a pillow, the strawberries would be making a slowwwwwww sash of exquisite bite marks across her back and licking each one... while she grinds into a pillow. Alfajores are her giving him a handjob while he propped over her on their bed, arms shaking because he’s not allowed to move until she says. Chouquettes are him giving himself a handjob and coming all over her breasts. Welfenspeise is ruining all the flowers in a particular part of the garden. Ciardunas...

[littlehollyleaf]

So talking of finales penned by spn writers.

One of my fav comics the last few years has been Spider-Man/Deadpool, written by our very own Robbie Thompson.

Obviously, Deadpool is a character I was always gonna be fond of, since his fourth-wall breaking power / chatacter trait makes him all about the meta, and metafiction is My Jam.

Spider-Man/Deadpool has the additional fun of being about Wade and Peter's relationship specifically, which is just fun and adorable any which way, but the series also makes constant nods to the idea of them as a romantic couple (the title IS a LITERAL REFERENCE to slash fic/shipping). Never in a baity way either. The writing celebrates the idea of Spider-Man/Deadpool without ever teasing the idea it might actually happen. It's mostly Wade explicitly referencing them as a slash pairing in his various fourth-wall breaking speeches, while in the 'reality' of the universe the writing is pretty clear on the fact Peter only thinks of Wade platonically (or occasionally antagonistically :p), while Wade genuinely has an explicit romantic crush, but overall just simply respects and cares for Spider-Man as a person and primarily wants to be and have him as a friend (tho there's absolutely, deliberate, space left in the writing to imagine/fanfic a mutual romance between if you want).

(ASIDE: PETER PARKER IS NOT A KID IN THIS CURRENT VERSION OF MARVEL CANON HE IS 100% AN OF AGE ADULT, like he is in the Spiderverse film - in case anyone was freaking out)

So yeah, that's all fun and sweet and completely catering to my interests.

One of the big, big things about the characters and their relationship, though, is the fact that WADE DOES NOT KNOW SPIDER-MAN'S IDENTITY. And this quickly became one of, if not THE, things at the heart of their evolving friendship/relationship. The closer they get, the more and more you WANT Wade to find out or, better, for Peter to TELL HIM. Because you want them to reach that place of love and trust where they each know intimate things about each other, where Peter cares about and knows he can trust Wade enough to share that vulnerable truth about himself.

So, Peter telling Wade his secret identity - that's, basically, the ship/relationship endgame everyone is rooting for.

SO.

In the *cries* final storyline of the series, this whole epic Thing happens, that I won't explain cos it'll take too long. But basically, the world appears to be ending and in that context of dire and angsty straits - Peter reveals his identity to Wade! *insert Deadpool movie shock gif*

Now closer than ever, they team up with a rag tag collection of other characters to take on the Big Bad and, long story short, they discover the whole epic end of the world Thing has been a fake reality created by the real villain of the piece -

THE WRITER, aka Robbie himself!

Due a series of implausible comic book events they are able to confront and defeat him and he offers this in his defence -

and I just -

<3

aw Robbie

your supervillain origin story was... WANTING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIPS TO GROW?

(#relatable)

When I first read this (which was, oh, back near the very beginning of spn S15) I thought

a) amusing that an ex-spn writer is, like spn itself, writing a meta story in which the writer is the villain

b) it's funny how spn's villain writer and Robbie's villain writer both harm/manipulate their characters for the exact opposite reasons - Chuck wants to prevent the characters from developing, comic!Robbie wants to force them TO develop

(and c) I wonder if this lament over characters not being allowed to grow, and the fact that wanting to change that associates Robbie with villainy, in any way connects to... other writing jobs he may have had... before the comic...)

The tragedy, tho, is that after his defeat, as Spider-Man and Deadpool are locking comic!Robbie away, he tells them his capture doesn't matter because in the end HE WON, because Wade now knows Spider-Man's identity!!

To which we end with this -

The growth Robbie wanted was denied!

*sad face*

(I forget the in-universe explanation, if there was an explicit one - either defeating comic!Robbie and his fake world caused all memory/experience if that world to be lost/destroyed... or there was genuinely no real explanation and that in itself was a meta nod to how comic book narrative is constantly dropping/discarding/ignoring/retconning plot points in order to maintain the wider status quo of the comic universe narrative)

AND YET - while the biggest growth of learning Peter's identity was denied (presumably because, as noted above, wider comic book canon requires/insists both characters and their relationship remain in a specific, static, status quo - so the industry can keep churning out multiple comics with them without necessarily having to bother with the extra time/hassel of researching specifics of continuity - because, money), as Peter and Wade's further discussion points out, SOME development HAS happened at least. Wade has grown more moral/heroic in how he doesn't immediately kill his enemies. And Peter has come to care deeply enough about Wade to be proud of him for this and tell him so. AND they walk away together side by side, their friendship cemented.

So bottom line - the story ends. And it's not in the BEST way. It denies the readers and the characters (and the writer!) the fulfilment of that key endgame plot point.

And YET.

It manages to still be a funny, heartwarming and ultimately SATISFYING end. One that, tongue in cheek, lampshades the development the rest of the story has, in many ways, been building up to and, using metafictional tricks, tells readers in a way that is funny, entertaining and also feels somewhat apologetic, that it simply wasn't a plot the creatives involved were able to give. But offers SOME growth at least, and leaves things open enough for readers to imagine the characters are poised for more in the near future (...although due to the nature of comics that may well have been jossed by other comic book runs at this point - I haven't read any that include the characters since this title ended).

WHY am I making a longass post about this you ask?

Well

a) because the comic is great and I think more people should read it, consider this a recommend (tho sorry for spoilers!)

b) ...just ...wanted to big up Robbie Thompson for a bit. A++ Robbie, way to land an ending, both in fiction and meta, kudos to you, nice to be reminded that it can be done!

(also in case by some miracle anyone at Marvel is reading this - I said the ending was satisfying, but that doesn't mean I WOULDN'T SPEND GOOD MONEY ON A REVIVAL OF THIS TITLE IN A HEARTBEAT! just because I'm ok with the last comic being the end doesn't mean I don't WANT MORE WITH A BURNING PASSION why must you cancel all my favs?? ...*coughs* so, yes, thank you any Marvel execs for your time...)

[bethanyeliseart]

Rise of Skywalker, a movie I genuinely loved!

Ok so I've had almost a full day to think about my thoughts on Rise of Skywalker. Right from leaving the cinema, I knew that I loved this movie! Sure it had it's flaws but every single Star Wars movie does and I like to think the positives outweigh them. It had amazing cinematography, the adventure was there, and all the emotions that come with Star Wars.

SPOILERS AHEAD

I think first I'll talk about the flaws because I love ending things on a cheery note. First, Rose Tico was pushed to the sidelines and I wish we got to see more of her character arc. I think after seeing the backlash some fans had for Rose, JJ was afraid to have her in the spotlight. She could've done more. I would've liked to see her interact more with Finn even platonically. And interact with Rey.

Second, I'm a huge Anakin Skywalker fan so part of me feels like they disrespected his arc in this movie with Palpatine being back. I kinda felt like it was all for nothing. But then I did see some other reviews that said he brought balance for a long time, but balance isn't permanent. So that post brought me some peace on that, thanks to who wrote it (I can't remember who, sorry!).

Third, Ben Solo's death. So I'm not sure if I just hate it because I loved his character or if it really wasn't a good decision. Star Wars stuck to their algorithm of redeeming the villain but to only kill him seconds later. We already saw this with Anakin. Did we have to see it again? Then again it was really meaningful that he sacrificed himself for Rey. Maybe he's still alive somewhere, idk I'm in denial still.

Ok so now onto things I liked/loved which is a lot, but I'm not good with reviews so I might not name all!

First I must say that I loved Rey and Ben's relationship and chemistry. There isn't too much dialogue, but you can see how much they care for one another through expressions. Props to Adam Driver for conveying so much in just looks and actions. The way he looked when he found Rey's dead body was so heartbreaking. He looked so vulnerable.

Also the way Rey was so relieved to see Ben after he brought her back. She smiled like he was this bright light. And oh my, my heart fluttered when they kissed. It's probably just me being the huge romantic that I am, but that was one of my favorite parts. From the beginning they had a strong emotional connection. In TLJ we can see how strongly they feel for one another. Ben wants her to be by his side constantly and really opens up to her. Rey does the same. She let's her self open up about her past and desire to belong somewhere/someone to Ben. In my mind, the buildup was there. It saddens me that it had to be a tragic romance, but Star Wars always has that tragedy. Ben also showed that hope leads somewhere. Rey held onto hope that he would return to the light and he did. He was at peace when he died.

Second thing I loved was the trio of Rey, Finn, and Poe in this movie! We have been waiting to see them all in action together since TFA. And JJ did not disappoint. The banter between the three flowed nicely and was comedic. It felt like a family. It was also so nice to see Rey interacting with Poe! You can tell they have spent a lot of time with each other. For those who think Rey is alone, she has these two guys for her family.💛

The scene where all the ships showed up last minute gave me Endgame vibes and I loved it. Especially when the main theme started.

The entire be with me scene in the throne room was chilling and awestrucking! (wow that first part of that sentence just threw back to GoT😨) When Rey looks up into the sky and the lightning fades to the calm and serene stars I too felt so relaxed. The soft music was so lovely, John Williams never fails. Hearing the jedi voices was what had me smiling like an idiot, especially hearing Anakin's voice saying "Bring balance as I once did". (I guess that's proving that his arc wasn't completely ruined). I would've loved to see Hayden Christensen, but I appreciate that we got to hear his voice.

Was anyone else so surprised to see Han even as a memory? It's not even that I was surprised because of how it goes into the plot, because it makes perfect sense for Ben to look back and remember his last interaction with his father. His father would be the key in him returning to the light. It just surprised me because I did not expect Harrison Ford to show up on set of Star Wars ever again😂. It was a very nice and welcome surprise though. From the moment he killed Han, you could tell Ben felt regret and remorse. I also loved that Leia reached out to her son one last time, showing Ben that his family has not given up on him.

LEIA! It was so awesome to see her training as a jedi with a lightsaber! That flashback gave me so many chills. I loved how Leia continued to train Rey even though she knew she was related to Palpatine. It shows that Leia doesn't judge someone based off blood. Leia loved Rey and had faith in her. People can't help where they came from.

It was so sad to see Leia die but we all know it was going to happen. Chewie's reaction was so emotional and made me shed a tear. The galaxy will remember Princess Leia and Carrie Fisher forever.❤

The Ending

Overall, I loved the ending. Sure I'm still devastated that Ben is dead, but looking at the big picture it was good/satisfying.

People are saying that Rey didn't grieve Ben and she moved on too quick. I think she knows that he will always be with her because no one's ever really gone. He is one with the force. (Ngl, part of me likes to believe he is alive out there somewhere or waiting to come back).

Also as I said before Rey still has people she loves! Finn and Poe are still alive and there for her.

This is just the way I saw it, but I don't think Rey plans to stay on Tatooine very long/permanently. Rey didn't start and end the same way. She has a family now (Poe and Finn) and knows who she is. I think she went there to pay respect to the Skywalker family, it is where it all started with Shmi and her son, Anakin. She buried the lightsabers because they are no longer needed (her new lightsaber is beautiful btw) And don't hate me, but I don't mind her calling herself Rey Skywalker. She felt a deep connection to the family and both Luke and Leia took her under their wing. She doesn't care for/need the name Palpatine. It's not who she is. Which brings me to people being mad that Rey wasn't a nobody. I respect their reasons and everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I don't think it hurt her character arc. Rey being related to the worst Star Wars villain and still not falling to his dark ways shows how strong she is! She defeated him and brought balance once again to the galaxy despite being his blood.

The ending shot was beautiful and was a perfect way to end the Skywalker saga. The binary sunset and theme was ethereal. It's how the movies started and it's how it ended.

Star Wars is tragic, romantic, and hopeful. This movie showed all of those things. We lost Ben but he felt love again with Rey. Hope was restored with him turning back to the light and Rey defying expectations of a Palpatine. Personally, I loved this movie so much and it did not let me down.

Feel free to add anything you liked about the movie!

[az-ryzhik]

Dumping some Naegami headcanons on you cuz I’m so pissed that the Naegami hashtag is now hidden in Instagram. Pt 1.

1. Byakuya was the first to fall in love, but Makoto was the first to confess. Once Byakuya realized that he had feelings for Makoto - he tried to deny it for the first 50 minutes by making up excuses in his head. The reason for that is basically his family traditions for the most part. First, Byakuya can’t marry anyone and he must have children with A LOT of women and second, Makoto is simply not “the type of person” a Togami could have something with. Even “friendship” sounded impossible back then. He dealt with it once he realized that the denial will not help. It’s just running away from a problem. And a Togami simply CAN’T run away from their problems. Eventually, they got closer as friends (even if Byakuya refused to say “friend” out loud). His feelings didn’t go away but he never planned to confess. Because of the situation, he was in, Togami started to contradict himself. On the one hand, he couldn’t ignore his feelings. So every time he saw Makoto - he couldn’t help but think how precious Naegi is. On the other hand - his duty as an heir will forever be with him. He must fulfill it no matter how he feels about it. Especially after the Tragedy, because Byakuya must restore his name and company. And if he will not have children - Togami name would die sooner or later. In this situation he couldn’t simply say “eff those family traditions, I will marry whoever I want!” So his feelings were kept secret. Makoto, however, had a different idea. When he realized that he probably had a crush on Byakuya - he planned to confess it after some preparation. He felt awkward and scared as hell, of course. But Naegi couldn’t even begin to imagine how Togami felt after hearing his confession. And Byakuya thought that the situation couldn’t be worse. He didn’t want to reject Makoto, but he couldn’t accept his confession either. He just froze for some time and didn’t respond to anything. That was a mistake, because Makoto thought Byakuya was ignoring him on purpose. Naegi was very upset by it and left without a word, locking himself in his room. This could be the end of their friendship and relationship if Aoi hadn't overheard it, step in and made Byakuya do something about it. Togami was forced to confess his love and apologize for ignoring Makoto (well, he is not good at apologizing at all, so it was something like “It’s... not what I wanted... I will explain, but I want you to stop looking at me with your big sad eyes”. But honestly, that was enough for Naegi to feel a lot better). _______________________________________________________________ 2. They will never marry each other. Byakuya explained that the reason he didn’t want to confess is Togami family traditions. Makoto knew about it, but didn’t think that it could prevent Byakuya from being together with somebody, because Naegi found a loophole in it. He didn’t mind being Byakuya’s lover and not husband, because there are no much difference. Also he didn’t mind if Byakuya will have children with someone else. Even though Togami was really unsure about it, they decided to at least try to live like that. _______________________________________________________________ 3. Byakuya thinks twice before making any move. It’s true that Byakuya is an asshole, but he really don’t want to be a bad boyfriend. Because he had zero romantic experiences, he asked Aoi to help him. Asahina took it seriously, At first Togami didn't want Makoto to know that Aoi gives him romantic advises, but Naegi ended up learning this fact really soon. Makoto find it really cute that Byakuya is trying to be better for him, so of course he didn’t mind Aoi’s help. Togami learned that his actions have consequences and his words can hurt people. The last thing he wants is to be too straightforward when he really shouldn’t. That’s why at first he began to be quiet when he doesn’t know what he should say. He relaxed a bit once Makoto noticed how hard it is for him and they talked those things over because it’s important to be nice AND honest with each other. After some time Byakuya became a lot more confident, but he still thinks that he should be careful. _______________________________________________________________ 4. They don't live together. Byakuya is too busy leading his corporation and Future Foundation (after the last killing game he was one of the few leaders who stayed alive, so he took over it). Makoto is also busy with the new Hope’s Peak Academy. Not only that, but their lifestyles are also completely different from each other. It will be very hard for Makoto to permanently stay in the “elite” environment because he is still a guy who finds happiness in simple “peasant” things. The same with Byakuya, but the other way around. They’ve come up with an idea that will satisfy both of them. After they have done their jobs - one of them will go to another’s house. They will spend some time together before going to sleep. They can read together or watch the movie (Byakuya will never just watch TV, only high-class movies or shows) or play a game (starting from card games and ending with video games that Byakuya will tolerate. He doesn’t really like it, but if Makoto really wants - why not giving it a shot?) or just walking together somewhere and chatting. If Makoto have too much work to do - Byakuya will come and help him with it so they can still spend some time together on that day. But sometimes they simply can’t see each other because Byakuya is too busy. Unlike Makoto, Togami never wants Makoto to help him with his work. Because first “I am Togami Byakuya and those papers are MY responsibility. I don’t need help with it” and second “Didn’t you had enough paperwork today, Makoto? You better go home and rest, because tomorrow Hope’s Peak Academy will need all your attention”. In this situation all Naegi can do is text Byakuya before going to sleep and wish him good night. _______________________________________________________________ 5. Byakuya can’t stand fast-food. Togami might learn how to respect Makoto’s music taste, movie taste, etc. but he will NEVER let Makoto eat junk food on his watch. It doesn’t matter how enjoyable it is for him - “it will end up effect your stomach in a VERY bad way!” Chips, instant noodles, burgers all of this will end up in a garbage bag, because “this is where it belongs”. The only exception is Makoto’s birthday (Byakuya still hates this type of food, but it will not hurt too much to let Naegi eat this once a year). Aoi really dislikes the fact that Togami is having that much control over it, but this is the subject where Aoi’s or Makoto’s opinions don’t matter to him. “This is garbage food that is having a negative impact on the body. Makoto deserves high-class food that will never cause him any problems once he reaches 40. Junk-food is objectively bad. End of story”. Makoto did find it annoying a first, but he did understand why his boyfriend doing this. Makoto still secretly eats junk-food sometimes, but he agrees that it would be better to stop and listen to Byakuya. This is the main reason why Togami likes more when Makoto is coming at his place because Byakuya knows that the dinner (and the breakfast in the morning) will be 100% healthy. _______________________________________________________________ Okay, that’s all for now! Have a nice day ~ _______________________________________________________________ I repost it because for some reason this post can’t appear in tag search 

[g-perla]

The ACOTAR Series is a Romantic/Gothic Horror Stage and Only Nesta Got the Memo

Not even SJM knows what’s going on.

Ok, this is going to seem off the rails but bear with me.

So I'm a big fan of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (top 5 books and all that jazz) and I was thinking about it because it deals with themes of the Other and the supernatural, Nature as Character, the overlap of the animalistic and human, blurring of established binaries...fun, Romantic shit like that. Interestingly, this overlaps with how SJM illustrates her world and characters a lot of the time, hence why I was considering it while working on my Nesta project. I’ve mentioned before that Nesta really gives me Byronic heroine vibes and that’s a character construct of precisely this literary tradition.

I started thinking about Heathcliff and Cathy and how they're ridiculously extra and just feel the most intense emotions towards each other but also towards literally everything (nothing half-assed ever, this is a Romantic novel after all). I then remembered how so many people ship them, but like in earnest, in a totally aspirational way. It's not a #cursed ship to them at all. It's...romantic to them not Romantic. I even read often that people quote it at their weddings, specifically the infamous "two souls" quote.

Then I had an epiphany. I was like "wait, what if SJM is one of those people?? What if she has the energy of a Cathy/Heathcliff earnest shipper and that's why all her ships are messy??" Because if that is the case, my friends, oh boy oh boy would it explain so much. I will post some sections from Wuthering Heights:

Doesn’t the acotar series seem like a 1/50 dilution of that energy?? And that is barely a taste of all the spiciness this book has to offer. To illustrate further: SJM gave us the F/eysand suicide pact and the near-death battlefield Nessian scene. One is certainly more outlandish than the other, but both are the result of intense emotions. To that Emily Brontë raises the following: Heathcliff asking the sexton to dig up Cathy’s grave to see what’s up because her ghost has been haunting him since he personally dug up her grave 18 years prior and she has been haunting him ever since. He later demands to be buried in the same exact grave when he dies so they can decompose together. They both married other people though which only adds to the mess. (I am not lying to you the Romantic tradition really gave us these gems lmao. As an aside, Mary Shelley was also a writer of the Romantic tradition and she confessed her love to husband Percy Bysshe Shelley on her mother’s grave. Her mother was liberal feminist icon Mary Wollstonecraft by the way which only makes this even more amazing. Additionally, biographers believe that the Shelleys also had sex there. Talk about Romantic 😉.)

Then I had ANOTHER thought! (Dangerous)

If we read the series from the point of view of just another YA high fantasy things might get a bit boring because the world-building is honestly lazy and the magic system is pretty soft, which isn’t a pre-requisite in high fantasy (The Lord of the Rings has a soft magic system) but it's not the norm and it doesn't pay off in this series. Not to mention that the plot is pretty lackluster and derivative. To add to that the romantic and sexual relationships are questionable in their healthiness and consequently are the source of much argument in the fandom. 

But, dear reader, if we think about the ACOTAR series as being a sort of thematic and ideological 21st century YA homage to the Romantic tradition of the 19th century (within which Gothic Horror also lives), things get REALLY, REALLY SPICY.

No longer do we just have a romance fantasy with messy, hyper-emotional, animalistic characters who constantly partake in morally grey situations rife with dubious dynamics. No longer does plot really matter. No longer do we require quasi-scientific descriptions of the world and the magical system. No! All that matters now are the characters and the mood. Now we have potential! Add a lot of Nature ambiance: expanses of dark woods, great mountains, the unknowable and sublime energy of the ocean, a violent rainstorm/hurricane/tsunami, an impending snowstorm whose intensity reflects the growing emotional intensity of the characters as the story goes along (I’m looking at you impending snowstorm in acofas that curiously matches the growing complexity of Nesta’s emotional state). Blur the lines between any imaginable category: life and death, human and animal, known and unknown, Self and Other, beautiful and monstrous, good and evil, masculine and feminine, the list goes on. Most importantly make your readers uncomfortable by frustrating their desires to sort things into easy binary categories and don’t apologise for making them question their assumptions about the world, morality, gender, and any other kind of previously constructed Order. 

Basically write the story with Dionysus-in-a-Greek-tragedy energy and bring to us mere mortals artful Chaos.

Once that is done we can have a literal Romantic/Gothic Horror story.  The Acotar series could have been this unapologetically, with the added element of being told through the eyes of the "Cathy" character instead of through the lens of a third person getting second-hand accounts about what went on. This whole series is honestly enough of a chaotic mess of Byronic-like heroes and heroines and cursed familial relationships that it could have been that. That alone is peak entertainment. The problem, however, and the main reason why I can’t really say that this series truly delivered this wackiness is that SJM committed the act of not fully committing to the bit (very un-Romantic of her, I know). Now, I am not saying that SJM actually intended this. I’m just saying it really could have accidentally been this genius with some tweaks. Unfortunately, she made the crucial mistake of trying to justify too much, trying to make things too neat, too tidy, too sensical (in other words: the reason we really can’t have nice things). 

I could end this here, lamenting the potential of what SJM had set-up for us were it not for one element, one gift:

Nesta 

OHOHOHO DO THINGS GET GOOD HERE SO BUCKLE UP

Most of the characters refuse to fully commit to the bit in their desire to satisfy modern sensibilities, by which I of course mean they want ridiculous things like political power, to conquer lands, to be a Girl Boss, to get married, have kids, celebrate holidays, converse about mundane things, be relatable, etc. You know, pretty pedestrian stuff that only requires a bit of genetic luck, a sprinkle of energy, and the right circumstances within the world of Acotar. I would like to reiterate the beginning of this paragraph: most of the characters. 

Let’s say you’re stubborn and you decide to still read the series through the lens of the Romantic/Gothic tradition, what happens then? 

The most hilarious thing (for the Nesta stans that is. The antis would probably hate this)

Nesta, based on what we know about her through Feyre and the limited amount of other scenes, is the only character who really takes the performance seriously. She's the only one that SJM hasn't managed to confine through justification. Nesta just shows up and simply refuses to make sense (her POWER what a queen 👑). She is endlessly fascinating because she just exists in her world on her terms, established categories be damned, and in this manner she frustrates not only the sensibilities of the characters in the stories but those of the reader as well. This double duty is, I suggest, the result of the other characters not fully inhabiting the nebulous world of Romantic characters and thus being a little too plausible and understandable even if they are not justifiable. 

Ok, you may say, but I relate so much to Nesta. I do understand her. I don’t justify all of her actions, but I understand where she is coming from. (You’re not alone, friend. I like to think these things too. Alas, we are but plebs).

To that I reply; Nesta does things, certainly, and we can spend hours trying to explain through extrapolation, educated guesses, and personal experience why she did those things, but the fact is we really don't know why. We are never explicitly told. Our insight into who she is and her motivations comes predominantly from the understanding of her youngest sister and from our own interpretation of the actions she takes. I must make clear that our own interpretations are rooted in pre-established assumptions about what is sensical and orderly in our own world and in our own lives. We cannot interpret with the tools available to us that which may be, by definition, unfathomable. It is simply paradoxical. Nesta, as we currently know her, is a construct derived from a limited number of scenes and our interpretations and projections of these scenes. Even the scenes where we get third person narration don’t explicitly tell us her motivations and her logic. For all we know there really is no comprehensible reason for her actions and that is endlessly amusing to me in how utterly Romantic it is. Acosf may and likely will change this of course, but as it stands, Nesta is a whole Romantic character. Her divisiveness in fandom and in the narrative could be due in part to her refusal to fit the discrete categories available in her world and ours. 

Isn’t that wonderful?

To illustrate this a bit more I will share some details SJM gives us about her/ elements she sets up that fit in with the characteristics of the Romantic tradition (these are not exhaustive by any means):

The absolute pettiness (and extra-ness) of being so angry at her father’s inaction that she is willing to starve to death to see if he does something.

How in Acowae she is described as shifting between emotions as if she were changing clothes and feeling everything too strongly (probably to the point of destruction)

She is constantly being compared to animals, even when she is still human. Granted, SJM compares everyone to animals, but that strengthens the blurring of lines between usually discrete categories. It is still most powerful when used as a comparison when she is human because it dehumanises Nesta.

Often, SJM describes her characters as forces. Forces of nature, for example. Acofas is full of details like this in relation to Nesta. There is a storm brewing leading up to the solstice party and it is in full swing when she arrives at the townhouse. The language used there suggests that Nesta herself may be the storm (against the onslaught of Nesta). It really adds to the Maleficent energy tbh.

She is often associated with death post her transformation

She is Other even to Others. She was Made like Elain, Feyre, and Amren in a sense, but the process of her specific transformation differentiates her greatly from the others. As it is, she doesn’t fit in anywhere

Her intense attachment to her femininity and its expression are at odds with the ideas and assumptions about the performance of womanhood and a woman’s role in her world and even in ours. She is unapologetically feminine in her physical presentation, but her character, her thoughts, and possibly even desires transgress the unwritten rules of acceptable femininity (unfortunately there still are abject expressions of femininity in our ‘”progressive” mileux

She displays in many of her actions a disrespect towards authority and to the status quo. This is particularly notable when her intensely polarised sense of right and wrong is aggravated.

Her self-destructiveness. This is referred to most strongly in Acofas, but I would say she was remarkably blasé about self-preservation in Acowar as well

She is described as intelligent, cunning, ruthless, attractive, and prone to debilitating extremes of emotionality. All of these are characteristics of Byronic heroes, a subtype of the Romantic hero

Here are a bunch of quotes that touch on many of the elements that I have discussed above:

“I looked at my sister, really looked at her, at this woman who couldn’t stomach the sycophants who now surrounded her, who had never spent a day in the forest but had gone into wolf territory...Who had shrouded the loss of our Mother, then our downfall, because the anger had been a lifeline, the cruelty a release. But she had cared--beneath it she had cared, and perhaps loved more fiercely than I could comprehend, more deeply and loyally.” 

--Acotar, emphasis mine, note the strong emotions. This is a recurring element for Nesta.

“Cassian’s face went almost feral. A wolf who had been circling a doe...Only to find a mountain cat wearing its hide instead.” 

--Acomaf, animal comparison

“Nesta is different from most people,” I explained. “She comes across as rigid and vicious, but I think it’s a wall. A shield--like the ones Rhys has in his mind.” “Against what?” “Feeling. I think Nesta feels everything--sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

--Acomaf, emphasis mine

“I knew that she was different [...] Nesta was different [...] as if the Cauldron in making her...had been forced to give more than it wanted. As if Nesta had fought after she went under, and had decided that if she was to be dragged into hell, she was taking the Cauldron with her.”

--Acomaf, Nesta had her own plans for the Cauldron what a queen

“Something great and terrible.”

--Acowar, referring to her eyes. Oooh, spooky Nesta 👻

“The day she was changed, she...I felt something different with her [...] like looking at a house cat and suddenly finding a panther standing there instead.”

--Acowar, a two in one here: difference + animal comparison. Boy does SJM really go heavy when establishing Nesta as Other.

“‘Not in flesh, not in the thing that prowls beneath our skin and bones...’ Amren’s remarkable eyes narrowed. ‘But...I see the kernel, girl.’ Amren nodded, more to herself than anyone. ‘You did not fit--the mold that they shoved you into. The path you were born upon and forced to walk. You tried, and yet you did not, could not fit. And then the path changed.’ A little nod. ‘I know--what it is to be that way. I remember it, long ago as it was.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’“

--Acowar, show don’t tell gets thrown out the window here, but it is useful for the present purposes

“What if I tell you that the rock and darkness and sea beyond whispered to me, Lord of Bloodshed? How they shuddered in fear, on that island across the sea. How they trembled when she emerged. She took something--something precious. She ripped it out with her teeth. What did you wake that day in Hybern, Prince of Bastards?

What came out was not what went in [...] How lovely she is, new as a fawn and yet ancient as the sea. How she calls to you. A queen as my sister once was. Terrible and proud; beautiful as a winter’s sunrise.”

--Acowar, who knew rocks, darkness, and the sea were such gossips, but look how many connections to nature! To be compared to the sea, a significant example of the sublime, is peak Romanticism. If any of you have read Moby Dick, think about what the ocean and the white whale might have represented there and how that might relate to Nesta.

“I think the power is death--death made flesh.”

--Acowar, Feyre referring to the possible nature of Nesta’s power. Alluding to her powers possibly being related to death is quite significant because that is something most of us cannot comprehend, nor can most of the characters. For Nesta, a “reborn” but very much living character to have death associated with her is a strong blurring of the lines. The case of her being labelled a witch is similarly significant as it solidifies the elements of the supernatural while simultaneously comparing her to pretty much the only exclusively female-coded monster in western pop culture. I will touch more on this when I do my study of Nesta through the framework of Barbara Creed’s Monstrous Feminine.

“I am not like the others.”

--Acowar, we love a self-aware queen.

“Nesta took in his broken body, the pain in Cassian’s eyes, and angled her head.

The movement was not human.

Not fae.

Purely animal.

Purely predator.”

--Acowar

There are a lot more details and quotes that support this interpretation, but I didn’t write them all down in my archived notes. This post is obscenely long, however, so even though there is more to be said, I’ll leave it for another day. If you made it this far you really are an MVP and probably love Nesta to a concerning degree like me. Please rest your eyes if you’re actually reading this 😂

I’d love to read about any other takes and thoughts that might have come to your minds after reading this monstrosity,

G

[naughtydaaikon]

A Rose By Any Other Name...

Title: A Rose By Any Other Name... (Chapter 1/2)

Also on Ao3!

Fandom: Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

Rating: T (warnings for major character death, but it’s not gonna have a sad ending, I promise!)

Word Count: 7,480 words

Summary:

Death wasn’t as dramatic as stories made it out to be.

Nene had read plenty of books growing up. Romance, drama, horror (her favorite!), and of course, tragedies. She had never been a big fan of that particular genre. It was always too melodramatic for her tastes, and not in the whimsical, romantic way that she liked. Death was always tragic, that was undeniably true, but in the stories, it always seemed as though the dying person would cling desperately to life, fighting with every fiber of their being to cling to that one final breath. Nene didn’t fight when she died.

Oh, she had thought as it hit her. I’m dying.

That sucks.

Predictably, Nene dies. Fortunately, contrary to what Hanako claimed, death wasn't necessarily the end. 

--

Notes: Okay, so like this was posted on ao3 forever ago, and I just realized that I never posted it here, so I’m correcting that right now, I guess. I hope you all enjoy. Please leave a comment, like, and reblog if you enjoy. Also shoot a message to me if you want to talk Hananene. I forget about tumblr sometimes, but I will surely answer eventually. 

-------

...Would still smell just as sweet.

 -------

 Kamome Academy was a place where legends were born and made real. 

 The school had been the one unchanging fixture within Shibuya of what was now Tokyo’s bustling financial district. Kamome had stood for a near century, its walls still made from the same stone that had been used to construct it all of those years ago, back when it had first been built over an old wooden school house that shared its land with an old Shinto shrine to the god, Inari. 

 There were strong spiritual roots here, even in the iron jungle that was Tokyo. 

 Perhaps that was the reason so many spirits were born here — were bound to this place. 

 Within the crowded, lively halls of Kamome Academy, secrets and rumors had a way of becoming tangible; real. All you really had to do was breathe life into that secret and it would animate itself. 

 Or in some cases — reanimate.

 “Hey, have you heard this rumor?” A girl leans close to her friend during their lunch period. They sit at the same desk, hunched over, giggling. It is here that a rumor is whispered, a rumor to be spread. “If there’s someone that you love with all your heart, you should go to Kamome’s outdoor pool. If you throw a 5 yen coin into the pool and wish for your lover to be yours, the mermaid who lives in the depths of the pool will grant your wish.”

 “Really?”

 “Yes! It’s said that when she was alive she fell in love with a mortal that she couldn’t have, for she was a mermaid and he was a human. In the end, she tried to change her fate.”

 “And then what happened?”

 “What do you think happens when you try to change your destiny? She turned into sea foam and died!”

 And so, she was born. Or was it reborn?

 Just — like — that. 

 -------

 Death wasn’t as dramatic as stories made it out to be.

 Nene had read plenty of books growing up. Romance, drama, horror (her favorite!), and of course, tragedies. She had never been a big fan of that particular genre. It was always too melodramatic for her tastes, and not in the whimsical, romantic way that she liked. Death was always tragic, that was undeniably true, but in the stories, it always seemed as though the dying person would cling desperately to life, fighting with every fiber of their being to cling to that one final breath. Nene didn’t fight when she died. 

 “No -- no, Yashiro! You’ve got to fight! No, no, no--”

 Oh, she wanted to fight, of course. She wanted to kick, to punch, to scream about how badly she wanted to live. She wanted to perform a long soliloquy about the unfairness of it all, the spotlight shining directly on her as she decried her fate. After all, who wanted to die at sixteen? There was still so much that she hadn’t done! 

 “Yashiro, hold on!”

 She hadn’t gone on a real date, hadn’t gone on a long romantic walk underneath the starlight, nor had she been swept off of her feet, or even kissed. The subject of her own mortality had been a constant burden that she had carried with her since living in  Shijima’s pseudo-perfect world. How could she not think about it, after all? Though, at the moment of death, it was as though all those feelings crashed within her, and the impact was both sudden and brutal. It was a strange duality, wanting so badly to live, and yet having not a slither of energy or ability to fight off that impending finality.

 It was her fate, after all.

 No, she couldn’t fight.

 Nene had simply slipped away.

 One moment, she was there — filled with light, with warmth. She had been helping Hanako with something —  though, that was difficult to remember. What had she been helping him with? A yorishiro, perhaps. Yeah, that sounded right. One moment, she had been reaching to undo the 

seal on a yorishiro. An action that she had done so many times before. She hadn’t even considered that this would be the moment that the sand within her hourglass would finally run out. 

 That was all that it took. 

 She doesn’t even feel being stabbed.

 Then she’s losing feeling in all of her limbs, growing numb —  cold.

 “Yashiro!”

 The most difficult part of dying, Nene thought, had been lying in Hanako’s arms as he held her and screamed. She remembered that with almost crystal clarity. Had she ever seen him cry before? Yes, she had. Thrice -- once as Amane, when he had still been full of life, bruised and sobbing in an empty classroom. Then once more on the school’s rooftop after he had encountered his brother, and again back in the painted world as he admitted how badly he wanted her to live. She had felt awful, then. He wanted her to live, to survive  —  and she wouldn't, even when he had taken on her wish to live for another 99 years.

 An impossible wish.

 Too impossible to grant.

 A selfish wish. Just who was she to try to defy fate, after all? 

 She had promised herself that she would never be the source of those tears again, though. I’m just breaking all of my promises, she thought as she gazed up at him, his voice growing so far away. His voice sounded like nothing more than a distant, far off echo. He seemed so alive right now -- amber eyes burning, red and swollen with tears, as though he had true flesh to bruise and swell. He had been trembling, shaking her as he cried her name again and again. 

 Oh, she had thought as it hit her. I’m dying.

 That sucks.

 Nene had wanted to comfort him, to cup his cheek and promise that everything would be fine. She would be fine. She wanted to lie to him -- to assure him that her own mortality was nothing but a fallacy to be ignored. What happened? She wondered, watching his expression, as tears that she could not feel fell onto her skin. They should have been wet. Under normal circumstances, she might’ve even panicked about him getting her skin wet. Didn’t he know that she’d turn into a fish if she got too wet? 

 And with that last, foolish thought  —  she was gone.

 Here  —  and then not.

 No, death wasn’t the hard part.

 It was leaving him behind -- knowing that she had caused that pain within his eyes. That was the hardest part.

 ------

 It was a bright and sunny morning when she regained consciousness.

 At first, she hadn’t found anything to be amiss. The school bell hadn’t even rung yet as Nene stood just beyond the entrance to the school building. Strange, she thought to herself, looking around and taking in her surroundings. It was still too early for the rest of her classmates to arrive, earlier than she normally even came into school. Had she needed to finish something for Aoi in the gardening club? That was usually the only time that she came in early. “That has to be it,” she said, satisfied with her answer.

 Something had felt off.

 It was an odd feeling, as though her skin was pulled too tightly over her own body, as though her organs didn’t fit correctly inside of her. There was an acrid, bitter taste in her mouth that just didn’t seem to dissipate. Something was wrong; she couldn’t place just what. Nene’s lips twisted into a frown as she tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth. Come to think of it, she didn’t remember even coming to school. She didn’t even remember the previous day. Had she cleaned the toilets with Hanako? Had she eaten dinner? What had her mother prepared for her and her father? Her stomach felt -- off. There was a dull throbbing sensation in her belly, as though she had eaten something that hadn’t sat right with her. Absentmindedly, she rubbed the spot.

 Had she remembered to clean Black Canyon’s cage? She had to clean it out every Wednesday.

 What day even is it? Nene wondered, that awful feeling only growing, like bile rising in her throat. She could feel it gathering in her throat as she made it to the school gardens. It was empty, of course. It was still far too early for anyone else to be there. She looked around, checking the soil and growing even colder as she did so. 

 Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

 Something was very wrong.

 The last time she had gone to her gardening club, they had harvested the tomatoes and cucumbers that had finally finished growing. She knew that she had meant to come in early and plant new vegetables for the summer season like Aoi had asked her to do, and if Aoi had delegated the task to Nene, that meant it was her job to get it done and hers alone.

 And yet -- 

 All of the summer vegetables had already been planted. Some of them were even fully grown. The squash plants were large and supple. They would need to be pulled soon. 

 How much time had passed? 

 When was it?

 It couldn’t still be Spring. Hadn't the trees just been blossoming with soft pink petals days before? Calm down, she thought to herself, though it felt as though her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Her hands felt cold and clammy, as though they were covered in sweat.

 One, two. Breathe.

 Try to remember. There had to be an explanation for all of this  — 

 What was it  — 

 The memory came to her suddenly, barrelling through her mind like a bullet train. 

 -- There had been new supernaturals that had cropped up, plaguing the schools with their wretched pranks. Hanako had called them Amanojaku, imp-like troublemakers who had begun appearing around the school, whispering in the ears of the students before their cruel persuasion eventually incited the object of their torment to mischief and violence. It had started with arguments amongst the students within Nene’s class. Simple things -- everyone just seemed more on edge than usual, until the moment that Lemon-kun had thrown a punch right at Akane-kun’s face.  

 And then...

 And then what? 

 It’s fine! She thought, even though she was already falling to her knees, nerves threatening to overtake her. I can just ask Hanako! He’ll know what happened!

 She’d talk to him  — and then he’d fill her in. Then, everything would make sense  —  

 “Yashiro?” A voice whispered. She could barely even hear it, though she recognized the voice immediately. She could feel her breath catch in the back of her throat. Hanako! She thought. Good! It was just the person who she wanted to see! Nene smiled, all but scrambling to her feet as she turned around to face him. He was the same as he normally was  — translucent as the rays of sunlight shone through his body. It was as though he was there, and yet not. A fading fixture in a solid world.

 Haku-joudai hovered around him, though the two orbs appeared to be agitated about something. They shook in place, dashing around him as though in a frenzy.  Hanako, on the other hand, hadn’t moved an inch.

 “Hanako-kun!” she cried, delighted as she began to run towards him. “Something really weird is going on!” Tears of frustration and relief filled her eyes. 

 It was only then that something about his reaction struck her as strange. Normally, Hanako would’ve already been all over her, wouldn’t he have? He’d be floating near her, arms wrapped around her as though he were a second skin. 

 But  — 

 Hanako hadn’t made a single move towards her. He simply stood there, staring at her, lips parted in what seemed to be disbelief. 

 Wasn’t he normally happy to see her?

 His usual cheshire smile was gone, replaced with a look of pure horror. His large eyes seemed even wider, pupils constricted as his body trembled hard. “Yashiro,” he breathed, sounding as though the very action of speaking was a laborious effort. “Yashiro  — I’m so sorry.”

 An apology.

 What was he apologizing for?

 She laughed, unsure of herself. “Hey,” she said, taking another hesitant step towards him, as that feeling of wrongness in the pit of her stomach only mounted. Why was he looking at her like that? The expression of his face was difficult to place. His eyes seemed swollen, lips quivering. It was like he didn’t want to look at her. Was he feeling guilty?  “What are you apologizing for?” She couldn’t remember. Had she complained to him about cleaning the toilets again? It wasn’t like him to be sorry over something like that, though.

 She smiled, “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Hanako-kun.” She grabbed his hand, meaning to calm him. The moment that she does, however, she noticed that his hand felt different. It wasn’t cold. In fact, she could feel a warmth emanating from him. It was reminiscent of how his skin had felt in the picture world. Soft. Warm.

 Strange.

 “Hanako-kun -- I’m glad that I ran into you here,” and truly, she was. She could mull over the warmth of his skin later. Finally, things would begin to start making sense!

 “I wanted to ask you what happened the other day?” she began slowly. “With the Amanojaku!”

 No answer.

 Why was he looking at her like that?

 “Hanako-kun?”

 He swallowed as though there was something thick trapped within his throat. “Yashiro,” from the moment that he spoke, he seemed to come back to himself. He was pale, shivering as he slowly lifted a hand to her cheek. He squeezed the hand that she was holding, before lacing their fingers together. “Yashiro,” he repeated her name, but it sounded like he was in pain. 

 He still hadn’t answered her.

 Hanako leaned against her, moving so close that for a moment, she thought that he might kiss her. She grew warm, cheeks burning when he rested his forehead against her. His eyes squeeze closed. He felt as though he were actually alive. How was that possible? Hanako’s touch had always been cool, but his skin was so warm that Nene couldn't help but melt into it. As bemused as she was, it felt nice to be held like this by him. Like she belonged there -- in his arms. The school was quiet all around them, and for a moment, she wondered if time had stopped.

 The romance novels that she read often described moments like this. It was the moment that magic became real, and the feelings of the two lovers became too overwhelming to be contained. Perhaps there would be a confession  — an embrace or even a warm kiss. Nene felt swollen with excitement.

 It felt —  perfect.

 Right.

 “You need to move on,” he spoke suddenly, jolting her right out of her thoughts. 

  —  And the spell had been broken.

 “Move on?” She asked quietly. She didn’t understand what he meant. Move on from what? 

 His eyes averted, looking lower, towards her abdomen. His skin seemed to turn ashen before his eyes flickered back to hers. “You  — you don’t feel that?” He asked quietly. His question makes her pause. 

 Feel what? 

 “Why aren’t you answering my questions?” It didn’t make any sense. This evasiveness was ridiculous even for Hanako, who always kept his secrets locked close to his heart. It was normal for him to use a question or some other means to distract her when he wanted to keep his lips sealed, but this was far too much. He kept on answering her questions with more questions. Really -- there had to be a limit to how much Hanako could keep from her! 

 His eyes flickered back down to her abdomen again.

 He grit his teeth, untangling their fingers to her disappointment and bringing them to rest on her shoulders. “Look down,” said Hanako, choosing to be evasive once more. Still, his insistence that she look at herself made her hesitate. She didn’t want to. She wanted to fight him more -- to demand that he answer her questions, but from the look within his eyes, Nene could tell that this was serious. She was missing something important.

 But what was that?

 Nene could feel that harsh, heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach returning. Come to think of it -- didn’t her belly hurt? There was a dull throb there, right beneath her ribs. It didn’t feel like a stomach ache. No, the pain was much sharper.  It had been building since the moment that she woke up in front of the school. Finally ripping her eyes away from Hanako’s she looked down at herself. 

 -- And then she saw it.

 A gaping hole, ripped ragged and bloody,was torn right through her. It was right beneath her ribs. Crimson blood stained her uniform. There was so much of it. The skirt of her uniform was entirely ruined, soaked through with the fluid. She could even feel the warm, sticky substance seeping into the fabric of her tights. “...What…?” she whispered. The pain dissipated, leaving only a numbness in its wake. And cold -- it was so cold. A part of her had been gouged out and she hadn’t even noticed. Not until now.

 “Hanako-kun,” her voice shook. “Hanako-kun -- my stomach--”

 She’d been stabbed.

 She’d been stabbed  —  

 She’d been stabbed.

“Yashiro!” Hanako’s voice brought her back, grounding her. He pulled her against him tightly, his body a solid anchor within the chaos that had begun to swirl inside of her. Her visage flickered, as though she were nothing more than a candle about to be snuffed out. “Yashiro! Stay focused! I know -- I know this can be confusing at first,” his fingers ran through her hair, brushing through the strands like he had done before when he had come to harass her during her English class before. “It sometimes takes awhile to get a sense of yourself again.” His grip on her was crushing, but she relished in the feeling of it. Hanako made sense, even if none of this did. “Focus on me, okay?”

 She could do that. Nene closed her eyes, breathed deeply. She filled lungs that no longer required air, and shook like a leaf in the autumn wind. The air felt crisp as she inhaled, just as it always had. Nothing felt any different. She could still feel all of her limbs. She had two hands, two legs, and two feet. She could feel Hanako as she clung to him, nails digging into the fabric of his old school uniform. “Hanako-kun,” she said when she finally trusted herself to speak. “What happened?”

 Silence.

 He didn’t answer -- not at first. No, he simply buried his face into her hair.  Inhaling deeply, then he released a ragged breath that seemed to be ripped from his chest. When he pulled back, meeting her gaze, his eyes were set with a sort of weary, grim determination. 

 And she knew.

 She knew without him even having to say it. Though, the words still knocked the wind out of her when they finally did come. 

 “You died, Yashiro.”

 No -- dying hadn’t been dramatic. But... what had come after was.

 ---------

 Days seemed to blend into one another over the next few weeks, each night dying into day again and again. 

 Rinse and repeat. 

 Nene was never quite sure if she was awake or not. She had read about narcolepsy for class once. She thought that what she was experiencing now was most similar to that. There were fleeting moments of consciousness. She would blink and awaken back at the school, before blinking again and finding herself back in a sea of darkness that was thicker than the blackest of nights. 

 When she was awake, Hanako was usually never far away.

 He’d appear minutes after she did, a bone weary and hollow guilt etched into his eyes as he always encouraged the same thing over and over again.

 “Pass on, Yashiro.”

 She didn’t listen, of course.

-------

 Nene came to realize rather quickly that coming to terms with your own death was quite the shock. The awareness of one’s own demise didn’t come right away. No, your body did everything in its power to maintain that illusion of life. She still felt things, phantom sensations of what should be. She couldn’t feel the warmth of the sun on her skin, but something within her brain (soul? She didn’t have a brain anymore -- that had died with her physical body) told her that the rays would brush against her skin like a sultry embrace, and so she perceived it as such. She didn’t have skin to feel the coolness of the wind sweeping over her, and yet, she shivered. Her chest burned when she held her breath, yearning for oxygen that she couldn’t breathe. Though, gradually --

 Those sensations…

 Started.

 To.

 Fade.

 Her awareness was even more fleeting.

 From the moment that she realized that she was dead, Nene had trouble maintaining her form. She would simply blink in and out of existence. Here one minute -- gone the next. She would often wake back up in the school -- by the entrance, in the practice garden, right in the middle of her old homeroom class. Masaki-sensei would be in the middle of a lesson. Aoi would be sitting in class, scribbling notes with a far off and misty look in her eye. She’d never see her, of course.

 No one did.

 Her desk had been outright removed from the class. An empty spot in the classroom was the only acknowledgement that she had once existed. Though, perhaps that wasn’t the only reminder. No one sat where her desk had once stood. When students walked past that spot, they would cast a sad, pitying glance towards it. She’d hear whispers when there was a lull in the lesson. They were always the same words. Whispers that were as loud as screams echoed throughout the entire school -- building to a crescendo that was impossible to ignore.

 Poor Nene-chan.

 It was always the same. 

 Did you hear how she died? She was found stabbed in the school courtyard! Isn’t that awful?

 Poor Nene-chan, indeed. 

 “Insensitive, isn’t it?” A soft, yet almost dreary voice spoke to her. Nene blinked. She was in the school hallway now. How frustrating! She couldn’t seem to get a hold of herself. Her sense of self was off, just as Hanako had said. She was worried that she would disappear for good if she wasn’t careful. “The way that humans discuss the dead has always left something to be desired.” That voice sounded so familiar.

 It gave Nene something to grasp. A familiar voice -- soft, distant, and feminine. 

 “Nanamine-senpai!” Nene found her voice, yelping out loud as she finally noticed the girl standing right in front of her. It was as though Nanamine-senpai had been out of focus, a blurry image in a camera that she had been unable to discern until that very moment. Her head just felt so foggy. Was she disappearing? 

 You are dead, a fact her mind was quick to remind herself of. You shouldn’t even still be here.

 “You haven’t crossed over yet,” Nanamine-senpai observed. She leaned against the adjacent wall, hands folded neatly across her chest. She was as beautiful as always, resembling a painting more than a person -- a beautiful piece of art that had been handcrafted and placed into the real world. Perhaps that was why she seemed so doll-like, her movements perfectly precise, her voice like a distant dream. The sunlight filtering in through the windows from the hallway bathed her in a warm, honey-like hue. “Perhaps you should.”

 “Hanako-kun….said the same thing…” Speaking was difficult. It was as though her tongue was laden with lead. It was difficult to remember how to form her words, like there were some kind of delay between her thoughts and her mouth. Then again, she didn’t have a real mouth anymore. 

 Dead. 

 She was dead.

 Her insides shuddered, squirming at that thought. She could feel herself flicker again -- her consciousness fading to darkness before finding purchase in the school’s hallways once more. Sakura still stood there, watching her. “You should listen to him,” the elder girl advised. “Nothing good comes from remaining bound here.” Her tone became almost wistful. She turned slightly, glancing out of the nearby window, as a caged bird would stare longingly outside of the gaps in its cage. 

 “I wish that I had known that, before.” 

 Before? Before what? Nene wanted to ask what she meant by that, but the words never seemed to reach her lips.

 The other girl didn’t elaborate on her meaning, either. Instead, she took her hand in hers, holding it in a similar manner to the way that she had back in the tea room Boundary. Imploring, asking for understanding. “Go, Yashiro-san.” 

 “Go where?” Nene rasped, her form trembling as her hand squeezed around Nanamine’s. “Where do I have to go?”

 There was nowhere to go now. There was nothing to do. There was nothing to be. She was stuck, frozen in place from the moment that she had been stabbed. Nene had a whole list of things that she had wanted to do before she died. She’d wanted to get a boyfriend, get her first kiss, go on a date. Maybe one day she’d grow into a sexy older woman with men fawning all over her. One day she might’ve even gotten married!

 Nene had wanted to stream Space Hamsters Strike Back on her laptop, curled up beside Hanako on the floor of his bathroom. She’d wanted to watch his eyes light up as he watched all of the modern special effects. Nene had heard that the effects made it feel like you were really in space while you were watching. She had downloaded the movie, and planned to bring her laptop with her the day after they had gone after the Amanojaku. 

 She wanted to see him get all excited about the stars, telling her all of the facts that he knew like the back of his hand. When he was like that, the mask of Hanako fell away until he was only Amane -- a boy who wanted to be an astronaut. The boy who wanted to go to the moon or to Scorpius. The boy whose life had been cut far too short.

 Kind of like her.

 A tight knot formed in her chest. Right where her heart would have been if she still had one. It felt as though her feet were cast in iron, given a weight that she hadn’t felt since she was alive.

 “So, you’ve made your choice,” Nanamine-senpai murmured, watching her with hooded, secretive eyes.

 Her choice? Nene clung to the sick feeling of sloshing acid that formed in the pit of her stomach. It was real. It anchored her in place -- kept her from disappearing, even as her consciousness began to slowly fade.

 “Staying isn’t always the better option,” she informed her, dropping her hand. Her lips curled into a sad smile. “A wish cannot always be granted. Even if it is, it might just chain you in place. You can become imprisoned by that wish.”

 Nene didn’t understand. How could a wish become a prison? 

 “Nanamine-senpai,” Nene asked quietly. “How do you know that?”

 The older girl remained quiet, her eyes holding an answer that Nene didn’t want to acknowledge. Why do you think that I know, they questioned. Tsukasa-kun was a supernatural who only granted wishes to spirits, after all. How else had Nanamine-senpai been able to form a bond with him if she didn’t already intimately understand the danger of such wishes? Her wish had become the elder girl’s shackles.

 Crimson eyes widened, understanding dawning within them. “Nanamine-senpai…. Are you…?”

 “It doesn’t matter what I am, anymore,” Nanamine’s voice was clipped. She didn’t want to talk about that, then. “Every wish comes with a cost. Are you prepared to make such a sacrifice, Yashiro-san?”

 Was she?

 “You all keep saying that!” Her form flickered. Here and then not -- as though she had glitched out of reality. “You tell me it’s better to pass on! Then you say that it’s up to me to make a choice! Make up your minds already!” All of the frustration at the unfairness of the situation erupted.

 Stupid supernaturals! They kept things from her, tried to force her to make decisions that she didn’t want to make, and all looked at her with that hopeless, resigned expression that she had come to loathe. 

 It was all too much.

 She was still just too young. Before meeting Hanako her biggest concern had been her thick ankles and whether the boy she liked would return her feelings! Nene had been thrust into a world far more complex and layered than she had ever been able to fathom before. A world of wishes, apparitions and separate pockets of reality where all manner of creatures roamed, and all of her older concerns seemed paltry in comparison. Still, she had toed the line of the Near Shore and Far Shore for so long that she had come to love this dark world, filled to the brim with ancient legends and rules that were too difficult for her to comprehend.  

 It had always been her destiny to die.

 Though, that didn’t mean that she needed to fade away, either.

 Hanako. She thought of his sad, remorseful eyes. He had promised her a wish that he hadn’t been able to grant. He must be agonizing over that. He probably felt as though he had failed. 

 Did he always feel shackled by his wishes? Like Nanamine-senpai? Had her own wish added yet another chain to the restraints that bound him? 

 There were two paths laid before her, and while she knew what the easiest choice would be, she found herself yearning for the other more treacherous road that offered her nothing but overgrown thickets and branches that could easily snag her into place. It was a merciless path. Perhaps she’d even end up as bound as the rest of the apparitions who frequented this school.

 Even so....

 Hanako was at the end of this road, wasn’t he? 

 Nanamine-senpai smiled, a slight slither that seemed almost cut onto her face with knives. “Just remember this, Yashiro-san--” The girl leaned closer, resting her hand on her shoulder. She squeezed it, though Nene was unsure if the gesture was meant to be comforting or not. 

 “ You’re a spirit of the Far Shore now, Yashiro-san. That means if you stay long enough to manifest a wish…”

 Nanamine-senpai didn’t even need to finish her sentence.

 Nene knew.

 “He’ll come to grant it.” 

 Strangely enough -- that didn’t frighten her. At least, not completely. 

 -------

 And come, he did.

 Nene wasn’t surprised to see Tsukasa when he finally sought her out. Her wish had already manifested, building itself in her heart until her entire spirit was consumed by it. It sang its song in every molecule of her form, making sure that even if she vanished, she was never gone for long. This time, she was on the roof of the old school building. She opened her eyes, and could see the sun shining down on her, even if she couldn’t feel its rays. The wind blew against her, causing her hair to blow across her face.

 “Aaaaaaaaaaaah!” A loud, boisterous voice cried out. She recognized it immediately, flinching as her hands balled into fists. “Amane’s assistant died! You really died! I mean -- I knew that you would, but that’s a lot faster than I was expecting!” He laughed, floating in the air before flying above her, lowering himself so that his face was right in front of hers as he hung upside down. It was an action that reminded her almost too cruelly of Hanako. The boy had his face, after all, even if that was where the similarities ended. 

 He stared down at the wound that had yet to repair itself in her chest. “Hey! Someone stabbed you! Squish!” He reached for her, mimicking the stabbing motion with his hand. She grimaced, but she took a step away from him, eyes narrowed as she covered the wound with one of her hands. “Hey, when you got stabbed, did it make that sound? It kind of sounds like that, right?”

 She didn’t want to think about that -- or the sound of it.

 “Tsukasa-kun…” Nene said hesitantly, watching him with wary eyes. 

 “That must’ve broken Amane’s heart,” he giggled, eyes closed and grinning wide. He had a smile that was like a wild animal, all teeth -- a warning. “Did he make a good face?” She didn’t like it when he spoke like this, eyes darker than the obsidian. “I wish I could’ve seen that!”

 She didn’t answer his question, her mind flashing back to Hanako’s face as she had died. No -- it hadn’t been a good face, at all. She bit into her lip -- hard.  “You’re here for a reason, aren’t you, Tsukasa-kun?” She was sure that if she was still alive, she would’ve ran from him. She would’ve cowered away and called for Hanako, probably. All of those fears seemed so far away now, like a distant memory. Tsukasa would do as he pleased, whether it was favorable for her or not. 

 Her words seem to snap him back to attention. “Yes! Your heart called me. You have a wish, don’t you?” He had such large eyes -- round and wide until they thinned, pupils zeroing in on her. Malicious curiosity shone within them, as though he were looking right through her. It was as though he were peering into her soul. She forced herself not to cower from him even if there was still a part of her that wanted to run and cry. “I do,” she answered, voice trembling.

 Well, dead or not -- she couldn’t change her crybaby ways completely. 

 “You know what it is already, don’t you?” Nene’s hands clenched around the hem of her skirt. 

 “I do,” he sang as koku-jodai danced around him. The orbs were just as excitable as he was. “You want to stay with Amane, right? You want to be with him from the bottom of your heart!”

 His smile softened, startling her as he moved closer, invading her space. She wasn’t able to move away quickly enough as he grabbed both of her hands, entwining their fingers the same way that Hanako had done back when he had first granted her wish.  “You want to make him happy.” She didn’t expect him to look like that. He almost seemed like his twin at that point -- kind and gentle, though those words were not what she would’ve ever chosen to describe Tsukasa. 

 Why was he behaving this way? She had almost expected to be run through or hurt in some way. Though, she remembered even he had stopped himself from hurting her at one point. You’re not supposed to hurt girls. Had Hanako told him that? 

 She nodded, “Y-Yes.” She wished she could get her treacherous voice under control. 

 “Are you scared?” he asked cheekily, grinning as he stuck his tongue out at her. “I won’t hurt you. I’m here to grant your wish. And well… I like your wish.” 

 That made her pause. He… liked her wish? 

 “What--?”

 “We both want Amane to be happy.” He flew above her, koku-jodai practically vibrating as they circled him, glowing darkly as his power gathered. His response only served to further confuse her. He wanted Hanako to be happy? If that was the case, then why did he torment his brother? He had called them arch-enemies before. Rivals -- and yet, it seemed as though Tsukasa-kun genuinely wanted to help her. Hanako's eyes were always so sad and regretful whenever he saw him. A question formed in her throat, scratching at her vocal chords. “Do you really?”

 “Yeah!” He stretched his arms out wide, as though he were going to fall to the ground and make a snow angel. “He and I are playing a game, but that’s not really what I’m here to talk about, is it?” He tapped his lip with his index finger, smirking as sharp fangs bared themselves. 

 She would get no more answers out of him. 

 A game.

 She wasn’t sure what kind of game he was playing, but Nene was certain that neither Hanako nor the other spirits who got drawn into the web that he cast wanted to be a part of it. You’re confusing, Tsukasa-kun, she thought sadly, lips drawing into a deep frown. She wondered if anyone truly understood the boy in front of her. The members of his little broadcasting group didn’t seem to, all drawn together by the wishes that they had made to him, with the exception of Natsuhiko-senpai. She wasn’t sure why he was there, to be honest. Had Hanako understood him at some point? 

 Would she ever really know? 

 “Your price has already manifested. I’ve granted you an audience, so be sure not to be boring and disappoint me!” 

 An audience?! With whom?

 She didn’t get the chance to ask him what he meant before the floor opened up underneath her.

 “T-Tsukasa-kun!” she cried out, flailing out, trying to grab onto something to no avail.

 “Bye-Bye!” He waved at her, and then --

 Lights out. 

 -------

 The next time Nene awakened, she was surrounded by a pitch black void. 

 There was nothing in this abyss -- nothing but emptiness and vast space. There was nothing to feel here, nothing to think; nothing but everlasting and far stretching darkness as distant as the eye could see. She wondered if this was the true afterlife. Was this where she was supposed to be? Was she only clinging to her worldly desires, tethering herself to the Near Shore when all that actually awaited her was an endless abyss? 

 Her final resting place.

 It was almost peaceful. If she let herself, she could drift off into an endless, calm slumber. There would be no more pain. No more suffering. No more agonizing about her life, cut far too short. She hadn’t even had her first kiss. How cruel was that? Sixteen years old and deader than a doornail. Sleeping was much too tempting.. She could feel the desire tugging at her chest. It’d be so easy to simply close her eyes and drift off into nothingness. It’d be so easy. So peaceful. Right. This was fate, wasn’t it?

 Her eyes were so heavy.

 Maybe she could take just a little nap?

 She could think about it more later.

 “It’s kind of nostalgic -- like having a friend again.”

 Nene’s eyes snapped open almost as suddenly as they had started to drift closed, suddenly alert. No. She couldn’t leave -- not yet. Not when Hanako was still tethered to the third floor girl’s bathroom of the old school building. She couldn’t believe that she had almost forgotten about him! No, she couldn’t fade away. Not while Hanako’s eyes still held that haunted, tired look as though he had seen more lifetimes than she could count. He was dead -- and yet, he couldn’t rest.

 If he couldn’t rest, then neither should she. 

 Hanako wanted a friend. Hanako was lonely -- bound to his duty, to a penance that seemed far too great to burden a fourteen year old boy with. He’s a murderer, she reminded herself. That was true. Hanako had killed, but as she thought back to the way that he had looked on the floor of that empty classroom, all covered in bruises and bloody marks, bandages covering older wounds that had no business marring his skin, she couldn’t find it within herself to blame him. He had never told her why he had killed his brother, nor had he ever told her what had happened to him all those years ago.

 There just hadn’t been enough time.

 “Pass on, Yashiro.”

 No, she couldn’t rest yet. 

 Hanako’s words only served to piss her off. He was always talking like that, making it seem as though all the dead had to look forward to was annihilation. He was a slave to rules and order -- what should be. There was still so much to do! Hanako was still at Kanome, after all. If he was there, then she would have no choice but to stay as well. She was his assistant and his friend. What would he do without her? He had urged her to move on, but that was just him being his normal, self-sacrificing self. Of course he’d say that. He was determined to make himself miserable, but Nene would be damned if she let that continue. 

 She wouldn’t.

 Hanako needed to be protected, too!

 That thought filled her like air, grounding her -- providing her with an alertness that kept her steady even in the recesses of this abyss. 

 Poor little lost spirit. Why do you scoff at death? 

 Nene could hear a voice in that abyss. It was a whisper, something that slid gently against the edges of her consciousness. It beckoned, called to her sweetly as she imagined a lover would. It was insistent, and yet too soft for her to discern its words until it slowly became more clear and present. That was, at least until the voice slowly became clear and present. It filled the space with an energy that rocked her to her core. It demanded attention now, as though it had grown tired of being ignored. She wasn’t alone here, and yet whatever she shared this space with was just out of her grasp. Nene grasped at air that wasn’t there, reaching -- searching for that voice.

 Hear me, Spirit. I am here with you.

 “I’m not alone?” Nene asked as she finally found her voice. There was an echo when she spoke, one that seemed to vibrate throughout the dark abyss, filling each of the spaces as it reverberated again and again. “Who are you?” 

 There was a rumble in the darkness, something deep and warm -- like laughter. 

 That is the question, isn’t it? Funny, how those who come here never seem to know the answer to that question. 

 Was the voice talking in riddles? Nene had never been very good at solving those. She wasn’t sure who this person was -- but who did you talk to when you finally died? The answer hit her suddenly, and she wondered why she hadn’t thought of it right away. “Are you God?”

 The rumble was back, ouder this time, and it shook her as it reverberated through her like ripples of a raging river. Was it… amused by her? 

 Some have called me that. That seems to be the only thing humans can come up with, at least.  I’m not God -- or anything of the sort. 

 She didn’t understand. If this voice wasn’t God, then what was it? She panicked for a moment, flailing out into the void wildly out in fear. If not God -- then was it a demon?! She didn’t voice that thought, but it seemed to recognize her fear, regardless. The laughter is deep and echoing.

 I am from this land. You died on my land, and so you are tied here. Your soul refuses to pass on. 

 That much was true. She still had things that she needed to do, after all. If Hanako was still at Kamome, then she needed to be there, too. She was sure of it, even more sure than she had been when Hanako had tried to lock her away in the picture perfect world. She hadn’t belonged there. Even with the news of her impending death, she wanted to live with him in the real world. That wish hadn’t changed. 

 You are a funny human. I’m quite curious -- who are you?

 Nene sputtered, “Me?”

 Yes, you. You have yet to fade away. You have yet to accept death. You even solicited the help of that apparition to appear here. Why is that?

 Why couldn’t she accept death? 

 She knew the answer to that question immediately. 

 “My name is Yashiro Nene.” Her voice was like steel as she spoke, steadier than it had ever been.  “ I have someone that I can’t leave behind,” she answered firmly. 

 The void pulsed. She could hear a subtle sound, like the beating of a heart that only increased in volume until her ears rang from it.

 You are a lucky one, little spirit. Your fate has been tied to that of another. It is a bond that transcends even death.

 A bond that transcended death? She had heard that before, hadn’t she? 

 I’ve heard your wish, spirit -- Don’t come to regret it.

 -- And then, a star burst into a kaleidoscope of colors before her eyes, illuminating the darkness. 

 ------------

 “Hey, have you heard this rumor? There’s a mermaid that lives in the outdoor pool --”

 -------------

[dearanemone]

where did you get the inspiration for Linger? I know you said it was based on some romcoms but was there any specific moment/thing that made you want to write it? And Etude?? can't wait for an update btw!

To be honest, the main inspiration for Linger was my love for love stories gone wrong. Not even ‘romcoms’ per se but romantic dramas where feelings are way too intense (edging on obsession) and it all goes to hell. It’s probably my favourite type of movie since I was around 12 years old and became obsessed with tragic love stories. Not the Romeo & Juliet kind of tragedy but the “love turning to hatred”

It’s silly to say but I’ve probably been waiting to write Linger for some good 10 years now. Jeux d’enfants is one of my fav films ever and I always ALWAYS wanted to write a fanfic based off it for any fandom. Then while writing Étude, I had this idea of Laurent and Damen daring each other to dance on tabletops (along Let’s Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats) and I saw the potential this pairing could have with a premise such as the game. It all came from there, I guess. Also a collection of films I’ve seen throughout the years that have stayed with me in one way or another. For example, The Holiday and Music & Lyrics which aren’t tragic but the meet-cute and romantic comedy element prevail. Then we have stories like Comet, The Last Five Years, Waitress, The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby, Closer and One Day that just hit on deeper levels.

I was watching One Day earlier this year while a dear friend of mine was reading CaPri for the first time ever and I cried so hard I was just texting her all the ways I could see Damen and Laurent in the same position as Emma and Dexter. Then we talked about why I was so manic over the whole idea of love being futile and Linger happened. There were so many things that slowly started to inspire or become a part of Linger, including places and music, and it all happened so naturally I’m glad I decided to write this now and not in 2016.

I did outline a fanfic where Damen and Laurent end their relationship for X and Y and it’s basically told in a style similar to The Last Five Years; in reverse, from both of their POVs till they meet halfway. But it never made the cut :shrugs:

Now with Étude it was a bit more of a “fuck it, i’ll do it myself” kind of thing. I had just read CaPri in the spring, I was still living at home and had a lot of time in my hands. I wanted to read something inspiring and profoudn and related to music but I couldn’t find anyting on ao3 that satisfied me. I’ve always loved classical music and one day, out of boredom, I just decided to match classical pieces to characters and moments in the trilogy. Then I got the idea of Laurent being a musician, then I thought of Auguste. Immediatly after, I saw the whole plot in my head (which isn’t hard, because Étude’s plot is simple enough and nothing ever actually happens in 33 chapters) so I said, “Well, why the fuck not?”

Idk if this is a proper answer at all but I hope it’s at least somewhat understandable? Anygay, thank you for the question! And apologies for not updating Linger this week -- my health hasn’t been too good. Chapter 14 (or 16 according to ao3) will be posted next week.

Take care now<3