#where i wrote 50% of it before i started posting

[sugarpasteltmnt]

i hope you guys appreciate my level of self control because i am BURNING to drop teasers and treats for my next AU but I don't wanna start doing that until it's a bit closer to ready to reveal

[readychilledwine]

Little One

Summary - After arriving home for the first time in 50 years, Rhysand is shocked to find someone so small in his sister's arms. (Azriel x Rhysands sister!oc)

Warnings - post UTM, broken Rhys, children

A/N - If this has posted, I have given birth and this is kicking off my maternity celebration. A lot of these next couple weeks will carry the theme of family. The good, bad, ugly, and happy sides of it. And of course, the angst and spice that comes with relationships. I wanted to start with a piece I wrote after my own brothers learned they were going to be Uncles for the first time, and will probably end the celebration with Light in the Hallway (dad!Eris x reader) because that piece is so... special to me.

"Well, welcome home!" Rhys nodded, looking at Cassian who was wearing a shit eating grin. Cassian kept looking at Azriel and back to Rhys. The high lord looked at Mor who was bouncing in place. Then Armen who was also hiding a smile.

Azriel was blushing, hiding in his shadows. Rhys was quick to notice the lack of black hair, golden skin, and long beautiful legs that normally stood holding Azriel's hands at all times. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Where's my sister?" Mor squealed at the comment, bouncing hard.

"You mean his wife?" Azriel shot a look to the blonde before his face grew more red. Rhys raised a brow before smiling ferally.

"Did you finally marry her? Azriel, that's-" Rhys face twitched to a half smile as the door opened and a familiar, "Where's my mate?" Came through the room.

He felt her exhaustion before he saw her. Her mind was a scattered mess of stress, and yet she was content and joyful. Rhys walked over to the doorway to the hall. He leaned against the framed out entry way from the greeting room to the living room watching the female.

Selene stood in the entrance, back to him as she removed her coat and then her heeled shoes. She was wearing a beautiful tea length black dress with tulle straps that tied over her shoulders. Her hair was longer, significantly longer, Rhys noted. "Stop staring Cassian."

Rhys smiled at the soft melody of her voice. The gentleness it held was a constant fresh air that comforted everyone around her. He cleared his throat, excited to see his baby sister for the first time in 50 years, "I apologize, Sel. I can't help but admire your beauty when I haven't laid eyes on you in so long." Selene instantly froze, her mind pausing to process the voice she heard. She moved again, standing up and stopping whatever she had been adjusting on the floor. She spun quickly, staring at him in shock.

He studied her face. It was truly the soft version of his. She had the same angular high cheekbones, the same starlight filled eyes, the same lip shape only hers were fuller. In fact, she in general was softer, fuller. She had gained a little weight, her breasts were fuller, hips a little wider. She was devastatingly beautiful before, but whatever had made her body scream "goddess" had Rhys thankful she was one of his spies and had not run off to another court.

She whispered softly, "Rhys."

"Selene."

They moved at the same time, her jumping into his chest, her arms finding his neck, his finding her waist. They laughed softly together. Rhysand's eyes closed as he took in the pleasant warmth of her body and the scent of flowers and honey. It took him a second, but his nose slowly processed something else. He dug his head into her neck, finding the scent of night air and cedar that clung to her skin. But there was something else.

Someone else. Rhysand's eyes snapped open while studying her. "Are you and Azriel welcoming other people into your bed again?" He smiled ferally at her, "The shields only been down for a day. He must be a good lover if you already ran off to him?"

The female threw her head back, her laughter ringing through the home like bells. She looked at Rhys, "One, your shields weren't that hard for me to get through. Two, we kind of are. Go sit on the couch and shut your eyes!"

Rhys raised a brow before following the orders of his sister. Mor was about to burst with joy, already holding back tears, Cassian was beaming. Armen smiled at Azriel as the shadowsinger softly smiled at Rhys. The high lord closed his eyes, "If this was a plot to kill me, just know im thankful it was your hands and not someone elses." Her laughter made him smile again as he heard her moving towards him.

The scent hit him again, stronger this time. He could finally place it. It was soft and spicy, as if it was still developing and wrapped heavily in the scent of Azriel. It reminded him of lavender and vanilla underneath all of the layer. Lavender, vanilla, and baby powder? Rhys questioned.

Rhys felt Selene's arms on his. She was moving gently and staying very quiet. In fact, the whole room had grown quiet as Rhys processed a soft fabric in his arms. As she removed her arms, leaving whatever she was holding in his hands, it hit him instantly. His eyes shot open, and a loud sob left his mouth.

"You had a fucking baby." Bright eyes stared back up at Rhys, studying him as Rhys raised a hand to stroke the rosy cheeks of the faeling in his arms. "Hi baby," He felt the first tear fall and didn't bother trying to hide the rest. "I'm your Uncle Rhys. What's your name?"

Azriel had moved, kneeling in front of Rhysand. He cooed his daughter softly as she stared up at her uncle with wide blue eyes. His blue eyes. His sister's blue eyes. "This is Estelle. She's just under a year old. I'm sorry we couldn't ask you about the name, but we just -" Selene and Azriel's jaws twitched. Selene had looked away and up, blocking the painful reminder.

"We knew," Cassian answered softly. "She looks just like sissy."

"She does." Rhys admired the tiny nose, chubby cheeks, and her perfect soft skin as he enjoyed this moment with his niece. She looked like a small version of his middle sister, the only key different was she had the same eyes as Rhys and Selene instead of the illyrian Hazel her namesake had inherited from his mother.

He held a hand out for Selene to take and the new mother did, moving to sit next to him. "Do you have everything she needs in all the houses?"

"We were only missing one thing, Rhys. And you're here now, so we have everything she needs," she answered softly, tears running down her own face. "I owe you some money and an apology, though. I had to break the shield for me to be able to get into Velaris, but I ensured Noone recognized me. I also spent a fair bit of money." She was playing with her long dark hair, guilt causing her shoulders to fall forward. "Cassian told me nothing she has could be used."

The high lord laughed, pulling his sister into him before kissing her head, "Oh no, how could you spend the money I would have spent on my niece anyways?" The sarcasm in his tone made the room laugh. "Should we get you and mommy matching dresses? Yes we should. My beautiful girls," Az hung his head in laughter before Rhys paused again, "You can feel the power in this little thing."

"She creates shadows-" Selene drug out the "s" as she avoided eye contact with Rhys.

"They're completely sentient. They have a mind of their own and only respond to her. They take the form of things she likes. Lately they have all looked like Armen. We also think something else is going on involving the stars. She almost… Glitters under the night sky." Azriel explained as his hand touched her head. Rhys looked to Amren, and the ancient being only smirked as she sipped her glass of spiced blood. Any ideas? He asked her silently.

Rhysand's eyes grew wide as he smirked at the giggling babe, her beautiful eyes locked on Auntie Amren, "Delightful. Tell me everything about her." The inner circle all moved to surround the High lord and new parents. Telling him stories about the baby girl chewing on his fingers before reaching out crying for her mother.

"I watched her rearrange the stars one night," Amren said slowly. "She must have missed Baba, because there's now a bat shaped constellation that wasn't there before. Isn't there, little one?"

"She's hungry. I'm sorry. I'll bring her right back," Selene moved with grace, collecting her daughter, and walking up the stairs, breast already mostly exposed as she cooed to the baby.

Rhys looked at Azriel and asked one last time, "You're sure you have everything she needs?"

Azriel smiled, "Like she said, you were the only thing missing. Stell has everything she needs, and I know we all will give her everything she could ever want." The inner circle nodded at the Spymaster's words. "Right now, the biggest argument we've had was if she'd continue tradition and we would take her to Illyria to train, or if we'd keep her here."

Rhysand watched as Cassian's jaw began a feather light twitch. "My niece is not training in Illyria unless things have changed completely and clipping is an offense punishable by death. Even then I will not leave her."

Azriel pinched the bridge of his nose. "So we forsake our culture? You and I know that will never happen. She will always be a target-"

"Another time, brothers." Rhysand smiled at them, stopping the argument that was about to ensure. "I'm taking the two of them shopping tomorrow. I'm buying everything Selene touches. I don't believe you have everything my little niece needs." Rhysand wanted to hear it one last time. To hear what she and Azriel both said and genuinely meant just one more time.

Azriel rolled his eyes, "She will not let you do that, Rhys. All that was missing was you."

[urrockstar-xe]

i'll be right there, sweetheart - tasm!p.parker x fem!reader

posted nov 4th, 2023 12:50 am

i wrote this with one of my closest friends :D i needed andrew!peter and i needed comfort! i hope u like it as much as we do :)

summary: when reader gets into another argument with her brother, she needs her amazing spiderman to come and save her

masterlist

wordcount: 1.2k

“Can I come over?” your hushed and choked tone of voice had Peter standing up from the building ledge he had been sitting on, in seconds.

“Stay put, baby I’ll come to you, where are you? At home?” His voice was rushed but you could hear it fine considering the whooshing of the wind was heard in the background,

he was already swinging to your place.

“No, no, Pete, I need to come to yours I don’t want to be home right now, I got into another argument with my brother I just wanna see you, is that okay?”

Peter’s heart nearly stopped at the sound of your choked sob as you spoke, crumbling at just the sound of you crying, he was already worrying about the sight.

“Of course it's okay, sweetheart, I’m gonna come get you though alright? Meet on the roof?”

Through sniffles, you mumbled back a barely coherent “okay” to Peter as you had already started making your way to the roof of your apartment building, sighing at the sight of your spandex-clad boyfriend swinging through the city, still too far from you to hang up. 

“I’ll be right there, sweetheart, just wait for me okay? Hey! Look at that I see you! I mean i think, you’re still a little far” You couldn’t help but giggle at Peter’s words, you could practically hear his smile when you laughed.

“It’s me, Pete” you responded, walking closer to the edge in hopes it would make the wait seem shorter. 

“Yeah, it is, I know m’girl when I see her, I’m right here baby, I’m comin'” his constant reassurance of coming to be there for you had your heart swelling and almost willed more tears to form in your eyes as you hung up the phone when you saw that Peter was only a building away.

And there he was, his mask was tugged off the second his feet landed on the rooftop floor, hair messy and face red from the cold as he pulled you into a tight embrace, “I’m here baby, told you I’d be here” he mumbled into your hair, setting his hand on the back of your head as you sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I’m just so tired of the same fight, Pete” you cried, the words Peter had only ever read through text messages after you had similar situations like this but none to the point where you needed to get out of there. 

“I know, honey, I got you” Peter rubbed your back soothingly, pressing a few sweet kisses to your hairline before squeezing your frame once more. “Freezin' out here, let’s you get back to my place, yeah? May made meatloaf for dinner” you giggled into his shoulder, sniffling as you pulled back to put your arms around his neck and brace yourself to swing through the city. 

“I hate meatloaf” you quietly said into his neck as he gripped your waist properly, 

As he put his mask back on, Peter chuckled, “I know you do, honey” 

Without warning Peter started swinging, it was worse when you had a warning, gave you more time to overthink it and Pete definitely wasn’t risking that tonight of all nights. 

He could hardly feel your grip tighten but you felt his tighten every time he shot a new web until finally, he reached his window

This was the tricky part, getting inside his room with you in his arms, it typically ended in you hitting your head or Peter tripping the second he got inside, but this time he was as careful as he had ever been as if you were fragile, delicate, and at this point in time? you were, not that you’d admit it but you didn’t have to admit it with Peter.

he just knew.

Peter carefully slid the window up, helping you get your feet in and stand up straight before climbing inside himself, once more taking his mask off but it was soon followed by his entire suit as he rushed around his room to put on sweatpants and a hoodie. You just stood there for the most part, other than closing his window so he wouldn’t freeze while he was half-naked and running around for clothes. 

Any other time you’d make yourself at home, settle into his bed, even stroll downstairs, and say hi to May, but again, this time was different, you felt like you couldn’t move, not without Peter’s help anyway.

Peter of course caught onto this quite fast which was why he was so dead set on rushing back to you as fast as possible even if you were both still in the same room, the old Midtown High hoodie was barely over his head before he had swooped you up back into his arms and laid you down on his bed, nearly crushing you with his body weight.

Your hands found his hair in seconds, to anyone else this looks like you’re comforting him, but to you, this is exactly why weighted blankets exist.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked quietly, gently running his fingers up and down your arm. 

“No, thank you” 

Peter took note of the way your voice was still so quiet as if you would burst into tears again if you spoke any louder, “Okay, baby” 

He sat up just enough to see your face in full, ever so careful, he wiped the few remaining tears from your cheeks, along with the dried streaks that had been caused by the cold wind. 

“Did you eat? I can make you somethin?” you just shook your head in response before pulling him back down closer to you, “no? Okay, okay this works too” he mumbled into your shoulder, then he suddenly gasped as if he just remembered something. 

“What happened?” You asked, concern in your voice as he sat up, ignoring your question you watched as Peter quickly untied your Converse and pulled them off of your feet, carelessly tossing them somewhere in his room before he laid beside you, this time pulling you into him, running his fingers across your shoulders and entangling your legs.

Peter was once again thankful for the prototype web shooter he had been too lazy to move from his nightstand as he used it to shut off the light without getting up from the comfort of his bed or your arms. 

You two laid like this in a comforting silence for a few moments, Peter rubbing your back, your hands repetitively moving from his side and to his chest, he kept thinking you’d pull back to say something but you never did.

Not until after a few more minutes and you sighed, getting your boyfriend’s attention once more. 

“What is it, baby?” he whispered, as if speaking any louder would ruin the moment you were sharing. 

“I don’t know,” you whispered back, sounding unsure, Peter frowned, but he let you continue before commenting. “Thank you for coming to get me” was what you settled on for now.

A billion things ran through your mind, all different ways to show your gratitude for Peter but all that came out was a simple thanks, not that Peter minded. 

“‘M just glad you’re okay” he whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to your head. 

“I just don’t know what I’d do without you” You sighed once more after you spoke, gripping the material of his hoodie. 

Peter smiled, “It’s a damn good thing you don’t have to worry about that then huh?” 

Moving his hand down to your thigh, he moved it completely over his own, bringing you impossibly closer. 

“I’ll always be right there, sweetheart” 

[inawickedlittletown]

No Queerbaiting Here

A long time ago…I’m talking May of 2021, I wrote a meta post about queerbaiting. Essentially an essay. I wrote it right before the S4 finale of 9-1-1 aired because I was frustrated by Buddie fans calling Queerbait entirely like the boy that cried wolf. I still stand by it. Sort of. 

Now, even back then I was pretty clear about how 50/50 I was on Buddie ever going canon. (Maybe not in that post but certainly elsewhere) But, I shipped Buddie then and wrote a lot of fic and meta and participated in fandom. I never said it couldn’t happen…I just would never be bothered if it didn’t.

Where we stand now: It’s not going to happen. 

And where I stand now: fully immersed in Bucktommy. And what’s more, I am more than perfectly happy about Buck and Tommy staying together and going the long-run. Although I can still look at Buddie and think it’s a cute ship, I just don’t want it in canon. I would not be satisfied if the show went that way. But what’s more if Buck and Tommy don’t work out, that would be disappointing, but I’d be okay as long as they got to be happy. There is, after all, always fanfiction. 

So, I wanted to revisit this concept a bit now that Buck has been confirmed as Bisexual and now that he is in a relationship with a man. Not Eddie. Tommy. And somehow, some Buddie fans are still crying queerbait because their ship is not canon. That’s not how it works. Also…shipping works outside of canon, that’s the whole point of shipping. 

To reiterate from my original post on queerbaiting, here’s the definition from wikipedia:

“Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation. They do so to attract a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.” 

Here’s where I stand: Buddie was abandoned a long time ago. If it was ever a real possibility, we won’t ever know. What we do know is that Oliver was aware that at one point he had given them the go-ahead to make Buck Bi. Whether this was by putting Buck and Eddie together or having Buck realize this another way, we just don’t know that. We don’t have that information and nor will it probably ever be provided to us. Narratively, I know that a lot of fans figured the timing of it fit with S4 and that particular finale but we really just don’t know despite what happened in the finale.

I found that interesting looking back at my own post from back then and the discussion that followed where some fans felt that the way the finale went would determine if Buddie would be another queerbait ship. (I think most people agreed after the will scene that it wasn’t queerbait because it did leave a kernel of hope that Buddie might still happen). 

And yeah, I guess you could argue that the network deciding not to go the route of a queer storyline points to missed opportunity. That doesn’t then mean that any queerbaiting occurred or that any fans are owed anything just because something that was set up or that the writers were writing towards was then scrapped by the network. Is it a shame that it didn’t happen in whatever way they wanted to play it out, sure, but only because Buck would have been confirmed queer earlier. In the same vein isn’t it nice that we have a confirmed Bisexual Buck now? That the show managed to bring it back to that.

A Buck that is happy and free and that has realized something so monumental about himself? Isn’t it nice that all the queer coding that Buck as a character has received since the start of the show is actually finally not just queer coding but full on character development? That we can look back at the show and see all the things Buck did around other men for exactly what they were. 

When Tommy first returned to 9-1-1 in S7, I think a lot of us were excited by the spoilers about Buck and Tommy because of Bi Buck, but also because this was the thing that could lead to Buddie. 

And then…then Tommy was actually on my screen and I doubted it. I actually thought maybe the spoilers were wrong and this was about Eddie and Tommy? That episode flipped things in such an expertly way that by the time Tommy and Buck were sharing a kiss for the first time I was right there with Buck. On a second watch, it is all there. Buck was never jealous because his friend was ignoring him. He was jealous because his best friend had the attention of the guy whose attention he wanted for himself. The writing on that was perfect and no amount of twisting it can change what happened on screen. 

Buck was not jealous because of Eddie. Tommy was never interested in more than friendship with Eddie. And Buck and Tommy have nothing to do with Buddie. Tommy is not a stepping stone, a way for Buck to be ready to then embark on a relationship with Eddie. That’s both disrespectful to Tommy and Buck, but just not what the story being told on the show is doing. 

The storyline is monumental. Having a big strong guy, a firefighter, figure out his sexuality in his thirties is such good storytelling and add to that Tommy. Someone that we already know, who already works as a first responder, and who can show up and wow Buck in such a way that he realizes something about himself? This is what I’ve always wanted. Because guess what, Buck never questioned his sexuality before this. Not when he met Eddie and not when he met anyone else, not until Tommy. 

Going into the new season we know a few things and one of those is that Buck and Tommy are thriving. The media coverage talks about them as a solid couple, it talks about Buck having someone to turn to and complain to. It talks about how they are still in the getting to know each other phase and I love that for them. I love how they are being treated and described and I can’t wait to see what plays out for them and how much of the build up of their relationship we may get to actually see. 

Do you know what the media and the show never talked about outwardly like this? Buddie. Whenever it came up it was always brushed aside in a way that was respectful to fans and what they saw, but without ever confirming or hinting that the show would ever go there. They never queerbaited anyone with Buddie, what they have done is say “yeah…we know what you see” and then turned around and given us a Buck and Eddie friendship and Buck kissing Tommy, going on a date with Tommy, and thriving with Tommy. 

So, no queerbaiting here on the show where half of the major canon pairings are queer. It’s actually more like some fans baiting other fans with theories and headcanons that just don’t fit.

[itsthestutterforme]

Should We Try Again? 1/2 (toxic!Rafe Cameron x toxic!reader)

Summary: Rafe tries to accuse you of cheating, and you did some snooping of your own. And when Rafe found out you went through his phone, you were in for it.

Notes: GIF is not mine, all mistakes are my own, Topper is a really good friend in this fic, reader is black, dark themes (choking, threats, arguing, name calling, overall just toxic behavior)

If any of these making you uncomfortable, pls don’t read. Take care of yourselves.

**

You and Rafe had one of your fights again. The yelling match, screaming in each other’s face kind of fight.

The kind of fight where the police gets called because someone heard glass breaking and shouting.

This particular time, he logged into your Instagram and founded close to 50 DMs from guys commenting on your stories where you posted your OOTDs.

You never opened any of the DMs but there were too many to go unnoticed.

“Do you get off on having other guys want you or something? Huh?” He starts as he abruptly forces his way into the bathroom where you were showering.

“What are you talking about, Rafe?” You snark, ringing out the water from your hair.

“What the hell is this?” He rips the shower curtain open.

“Rafe!” You scold, shutting off the water so none leaks onto the floor. He shoves his phone in your face and repeats, “What the hell is this?”

“They’re DMs, Rafe. Why are you talking to me like I did something wrong?”

“Because you did do something wrong by not blocking these sons of bitches. You like the attention, don’t you? You fucking slut.”

“Don’t you dare call me a slut, asshole. It’s DMs. They don’t mean shit!”

You close the shower curtain so you can resume your shower when he ripped it open again.

“Oh it means something when they’re sending dick pics, Y/N! They want to fuck you!”

“It doesn’t matter if they want me because I’m with you, Rafe. Not them.” You tried to reason.

You were already exhausted from work and you really didn’t need this right now.

“You’ve been sending them nudes, haven’t you?” “Are you fucking serious, Rafe?” “Do I look like I’m joking right now?” He says flatly, his nose flaring angrily.

“No, I haven’t sent anybody nudes. I didn’t even know they sent me dick pics because I don’t open them, Rafe.” He gives you a pointed look and you crossed your arms as a challenge.

It was clear you weren’t going to shower in peace so why not add some fuel to this fire.

“You’re such a hypocrite, you know that? Shame on me for having fifty unopened DMs but everything is okay when you have hundreds of opened DMs?” You antagonize, slowly stepping out of the shower with suds still on your body.

You watch as his face fell for a few seconds before it hardens once again.

“You’ve been going through my phone?” He asks. “Of course I have! Because I know you’ve been in my phone, desperate to find secrets to use against me. So I figure why not dig up some secrets of my own.”

“Y/N,” he warns lowly, taking a step towards you.

“What did you find?” He wrote down a few things about the cross.

Like where he’s already looked and potential places where it might be. But he hid those notes behind a passcode in his journal.

There were also a few texts of Ward asking ‘if it was taken care of’. Garret’s body.

There was no way you could figure out the passcode, right?

“What are you so scared I would find?” You questioned, purposely being vague. There was no point in being specific, if he was going to connect the dots for you.

His anxiety got the best of him and he wraps a hand around your throat, giving it a warning squeeze.

“Stop being cute and tell me what you saw.” He orders.

There wasn’t a constant pressure so you were able to breathe fairly normal. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t change his mind.

“I only went through your social media and some of your messages. Nothing else.” His hand twitched around your throat when you mentioned messages.

“I just wanted to see if you were texting others girls.” You added, wrapping your hands around his wrist.

“What else?” “Nothing else, I swear.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Y/N.” “I’m not lying to you.” He pulls away from your throat and you instinctively touched your collar bone.

His gaze softens when you stepped away from him. He itched to get close to you and apologize for over reacting, but he still wasn’t sure that you didn’t know about the gold and the bodies.

So his hands remained by his sides, tightening every so often.

“What are you protecting?” You asked cautiously. “Don’t pull that shit again.” He states before storming out of the bathroom and slamming the front door of your house.

That was a few days ago, and you haven’t spoke to each other since. The most interaction you’ve had was him viewing your story. That’s it.

You’ve been going straight home after work, not wanting to interact with anyone unless you had to.

But a small part of you wished you’d come home to Rafe waiting for you on your door step or him come to see you during your break.

But he never did. That was enough for you to come to the conclusion that he stopped caring about you.

He was so worried about protecting something or someone that was willing to choke you out to protect it.

You’ve seen him anxious about a few things but nothing set him off like you did that night.

You were watching one of your comfort movies with your fleece blanket wrapped around you, eating some stir fry you ordered on UberEats when your phone chimed.

Topper: hey you doing okay?

Tossing the phone back on the bed, you used the chopsticks to dip a piece of beef into the speciality sauce before eating it.

Your phone chimed again.

Topper: We were friends before you started dating Rafe, remember? I care about you too.

You: I assume Rafe told you everything?

Topper: Just that you had an argument and you’re on a break

You: Well that’s an oversimplification.

Topper: I’m throwing a party tonight. You should come.

You: I’m not exactly in the mood to get hit on by a bunch of drunk dudes.

Topper: Stick by me and you won’t have that problem.

You: You’re right. Instead, you would have a Rafe sized problem.

Topper: I’m not scared of Rafe.

Topper: Just come by for a few. It makes me feel uneasy that you’re by yourself at home all this time.

Topper: Please.

You: Fine, Topper.

Topper: Great! I’m on my way.

**

You hated yourself for how quick your eyes locked in on Rafe as soon as he walked into the party wearing a navy blue shirt and a white hat that matched his white cargo shorts.

He dapped up a few guys that greeted him by the front door and looked straight up to where you were sitting next to Topper.

He found you almost immediately with an expressionless face.

Your heart skipped a beat that he looked for you but that feeling of elation left you as quickly as it came.

He didn’t reach out to you for three days. No call. No text. No apology. He was done and now it was your turn to feel the same.

“You two are like magnets,” Topper says from behind you. “Toxic ones,” he eventually adds with a chuckle.

“I knew you were going to say that,” you teased, playfully hitting his shoulder.

Sadness kicked your gut when two girls approached Rafe, one of them ran her hands over his chest as she went to whisper something in his ear.

“I’m going to grab another drink.” You said when you notice Rafe coming up the stairs with the girls.

“I’ll come with you,” you gave him a look. “What? I meant it when I said stick by me. Let’s go.”

He lets you lead the way and you go down the second set of stairs but you stopped abruptly, peering down at your jewelry.

Everything you were wearing was gifted to you by Rafe, even down to the earrings. You still wore the R golden plate necklace and matching anklet. You had his signet ring on your thumb because that was the only finger it could fit.

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Topper questions. Rafe was watching the entire interaction from the loveseat you and Topper were just sitting on.

You bent down to take off your anklet and moved to take off your earrings next.

“Can you help me take off the necklace?” You asked, pulling off the ring and placing it with the other jewelry.

“Sure,” he agrees, pushing your passion twists out of the way.

You felt his warm hand brushing against the back of your neck when he unclasped the necklace.

He put the necklace in your outstretched hand. You walked back up the few stairs you crossed and approached Rafe whose eyes were still trained on you.

You let out a shaky breath before taking his warm hand into your own and giving him the jewelry. You were beginning to miss his touch.

Guilt flashed across his face, looking down at his hand. You avoided his gaze and left him without another word, rushing down the stairs and Topper followed after you.

“Well that was dramatic,” one of the girls says, rolling her eyes while her friend eyes the gold carat in Rafe’s hand that easily amounted to 75k.

“Can I have the earrings?” She asked and before Rafe could respond, she reached for them anyway.

Rafe caught her hand in a tight grip and she whimpers at the pressure.

“You’re hurting me,” she groans.

“No one told you to touch what’s hers,” he shoves her to the ground. “Hey! You asshole!” Her friend snaps, standing from the couch and helps her friend to her feet.

He doesn’t spare them another glance as he digs in his pocket for a baggie to do a few lines.

“Y/N,” Topper calls, finally catching up with you in the kitchen. “Are you okay?” He asks you, examining your face for anything he could read.

“You should check on him,” you poured yourself a shot in a small solo cup and knocked it back, barely making a face.

“I’m checking up on you,” “It needed to be done, okay. All of it were just reminders of what I don’t have anymore.” You explain, pouring yourself another shot.

“That was very brave for you to do.” “Then why do I feel like shit?” You huffed after taking another shot and he stops you from pouring another one.

“Because the break up is still fresh, Y/N.” He looks at you like you’re going to fall apart before his very eyes.

His soft eyes examines your face for any micro expression that could give away what you’re thinking.

“Look, Top. I know you’re trying to help and all but if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to cry.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I want to enjoy your party. Your birthday is tomorrow. You shouldn’t be spending it watching me cry.”

“That’s not happening. I’m not leaving you.” He shakes his head and you took his hands into yours, much like you did with Rafe.

But Rafe’s hand were warmer.

“It doesn’t make you a bad friend. I’ll find Sarah.” He studied your face once again and you gave him a soft smile.

“Go,” “Alright,” he says, not bothering to hide his disappointment. “I’ll come find you in like ten minutes.”

“Take your time,” he leaves the kitchen and you let out a deep sigh. You shouldn’t be here.

But you didn’t have the heart to ditch Topper on his birthday rager.

You pressed your palms into the cool, granite countertop and bowed your head to release the tension in your neck.

You hadn’t realize someone was in the kitchen with you until you heard footsteps and someone’s low voice. To your surprise, it was Pope standing on the other side of the counter.

“Sorry, were you saying something?” You asked softly, the shot were slowly starting to get to you.

“I said you are too pretty and insanely smart to be treated like an option.”

That was the nicest thing anyone said to you. You haven’t felt valued in a long time.

“Thanks, Pope. That really means a lot.”

His mouth fell open at your words. “You know who I am?”

“Yes I know who you are. Your family makes the best seafood boils in town.” You explained with a chuckle.

“She knows my name,” he said to himself, which he quickly realized you can hear.

“I should haven’t said that out loud,” he admits and you let out a laugh.

“You’re cute,” he scratches the back of his neck to hide how flustered he way. “Um, are you hiding from Rafe in here?”

“Yes, I am.” You admitted, crossing your arms. “Well if you want some company, my friends are by the bonfire outside. If you want to join. O-only if you want to. I’m not trying to force anything or-“

You interrupted his rant to say, “Sure. I’ll go with you.” You took a solo cup and swung by the keg on the way out, offering some to Pope.

“By the way, what makes you think I’m insanely smart?” “I’m a TA for Mr. Patterson. He still uses your test as a grading key.” He explains after taking a swig of your beer.

“Of course he does. I loved his class.” You admitted with a chuckle. “What is this?”

JJ stands from the chair and motions between you and Pope with his ringed pinky.

“I told her she can hang out with us.” “Hey, JJ.” You greet with a small wave.

“‘Sup, sweetheart. Want a hit?” He offered a blunt to you and you graciously accepted.

He had a grin on his face as he watched you take a hit. He expected you to cough or at least have your eyes water from the potency but much to his surprise, you exhaled the puff of smoke slowly without a fuss.

The mix of the weed and the tequila was throwing your head in a spin. “Never pegged you to be a pothead,” “I’m full of surprises, Maybank.”

A drunk Rafe stumbles outside in search for you when he finds you laughing with Pope and JJ.

JJ noticed your shivering whenever there was a breeze and peeled off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders.

Rafe wasn’t even aware what was happening until his vision started to blur.

He was crying.

[warblogs17282]

Another argument I don't understand from the helluva boss 'critical' crowd is the 'they're uwufying/coddling Stolas' argument.

I've most likely covered this in the 'both sides fucked up' post I've made before but I want to challenge the claim more head on this time.

Like Stolas is a character with multiple flaws that he needs to work on and has been brought to the forefront quite a bit, a few examples of these are the alcoholism (rehab has been stated to exist in hell twice now, so that's most likely gonna become a plot point at some point in the show), the subconscious racism/classism (the harvest moon festival is a major example of that), we know Blitz is in the right when he calls Stolas out for it in apology tour in the first few minutes of the episode because that's literally the point, how is Stolas supposed to just magically undo 25 years of the learned racism/classism starting from as early as we know, 10 years old, that shit takes time, Stolas is not at that point where he's self aware enough to realise how much he hurt Blitz with those behaviours, with the self aware part being stated in the description of the apology tour video. They explicitly brought attention to Stolas' flaws regarding the racism/classism thing so it'd be shit writing for Vivzie to not bring it attention again in the near future, they've established it as a flaw Stolas has so he's gonna have to learn to undo that during the show.

Also, in the trailer there's a line that very much tells us that Stolas is gonna have to face and learn from his problems face on. 'You never loved mother, and you don't love me, you love him.' The wording on it makes it very clear it's being spoken to Stolas, and as much as Stolas tries to give Octavia a normal life as Stolas loves Octavia so much, it just gave Octavia all the reason to believe that Stolas never loved Stella and her, because all Octavia knows up at this point is that Stolas cheated on Stella with a to her, random imp, which in her viewpoint, would confirm that the love was never there for Stella and her, leading to her villainising Stolas because of it. Octavia knows none of the abuse Stella inflicted upon Stolas. Plus, as much as Stolas tries to be an active part of Octavia's life as a father, he still fails at it. The main proof of this being in seeing stars, the phone call where Stolas was getting really intense arguing with Stella, pushing Octavia to the sideline as a result. 'Why does he hate her more than he loves me.' This scene just shows truly how Octavia feels about Stolas right now, and it plays in perfectly to the line in the trailer, so while that scene does show Octavia that Stolas does care about him, she still doesn't really sense much of the love Stolas has for Octavia, with most of it in Octavia's prespective getting replaced by Stolas being forgetful about her needs and such, instead getting caught up in his own problems too much to tend to Octavia's needs, which deeply hurts Octavia inside. Just like Loona said, Stolas just messes up, Octavia can't really see that a whole lot yet however. 'You know I haven't taught you spells like this yet.' This line just really shows that Stolas keeps getting caught up in his own things that again, Octavia's needs get put on the sideline or just forgotten about until it's too late, which hurts her deeply. It shows that the things that Octavia should've been taught at that point hasn't been taught to her yet for that reason, the arrangement with Blitz and the messy divorce to be specific.

These two reasons are proof that the argument that they're gonna keep coddling Stolas and that he's not gonna learn from his character flaws and just stay the same way he is currently, is entirely bullshit.

I wrote much more about that than I expected, man I take helluva boss much more seriously than I thought, guess it just resonates with me.

For anyone seeing this now, Vivzie just basically confirmed that Stolas' flaws will be addressed

'Everything we are noticing about the plot that hasn’t been addressed, will be. Just BE PATIENT'

[respectthepetty]

Petty, I respect you.

I do.

However.

DONT BE QUITE ABOUT THE COLOURS IN ON1Y 1 BECAUSE I WILL READ A FULL THESIS ON IT, 20 PAGES!!!! 50 PAGES!!!!

PLEASEEEE Give

It

To

Meeeeeeeee 🥹

Anon,

You've opened a floodgate.

Because I always notice the colors, but just because I see colors doesn't mean I know why they are significant. Even if I see there is a pattern, it doesn't mean I understand its importance. And I don't think y'all should be subject to me screaming about Jiang Tian's paper bookmarks being yellow and pink in a book of (love?) poems where he has highlighted that "a girl's shyness is like a tender cherry under the sunlight" and "16- and 17-year-olds are like fruits in the morning sun, sparkling."

Sheng Wang asks who this is about, but we know who this is about. The colors mean things.

And more importantly, I actually didn't write weekly or episodic posts about shows until 2022. I used to wait until a show was over to write about the colors or background noise, and, mostly, I only did it when people would ask me about it. Big Dragon was the first show that I felt compelled to write weekly about the colors and background noise because it was so amazing, so 2024 is still an odd space for me to be in sometimes because as much as I love colors, I'm ALWAYS surprised how much y'all want to know about them . . . weekly . . . per episode . . . for all the shows.

I write for myself, but sometimes I think y'all don't need to witness me losing my shit every week for sixteen weeks over obviously color-coded characters in The Loyal Pin.

And sometimes I think y'all don't want to witness me losing my shit over colors that I can't completely understand like the grays in 4 Minutes.

And then other times I think y'all shouldn't have to witness me losing my shit over colors that I'm not sure are colors until I've watched enough episodes to feel sure that the colors are, in fact, coloring; then, the series, The Trainee, actually tells me the colors were coloring the entire time like I thought.

And that's why I try to be quiet about shows because I'm figuring them out in my head, or I'm waiting for enough information to feel confident about them, and I don't want to hog up the tag with my ramblings. I need to sit in it a bit to figure out what the colors mean.

Kiseki: Dear to Me was the perfect example. I didn't mention anything about colors until prompted by others because it took me until the third episode to feel certain that Chen Yi and Ai Di matched colors, then it took me close to the end of the series to realize all the cameo couples ALSO matched colors.

It took me until the end of My Love Mix-Up to realize Aoki's color had evolved.

It took me two seasons (and a movie) to feel secure that Kiyoi was a Heavenly Human in My Beautiful Man.

And it took me until midway through Semantic Error to figure out why the red disappeared.

That's how The On1y One is for me. I knew yellow/orange and blue would play some part in the story based on the posters, but I wasn't sure how until I started seeing more visuals appear.

Because even though I saw a yellow container of food for Sheng Wang in the first episode,

I didn't realize he mostly ate color-coded food until episode four.

It's such a tiny detail, so I could have easily missed it, but because I know that he is a picky eater, I feel like it's not simply a coincidence, and I quickly noticed it in the eighth episode.

But I needed to collect more images before I could state that. I needed to let the story develop before I realized it. I needed to settle into it. And that's why I wrote my halfway point post after a few people asked if I noticed.

Because I know I seem like a magician who shouts a lot, but I'm not. Sometimes, I have to be patient and let the colors sneak up on me while I'm simply enjoying the moment, like Sheng Wang's orange alarm clock nestled into the corner of his bed while he falls asleep on his light yellow pillow in his light yellow shirt.

I know not all visuals can be a literal bright yellow sign hanging from the color-coded boy's room, ya know?

I'm not Jenny who cannot grasp that she keeps taking food and drinks meant for Benny even when he realized if she could figure out the mug was about gay rights without realizing he was gay then someone smarter will along and piece the dots together . . .

Because like, girl, he's gay.

But it does take me time to collect images and get my thoughts in order, so until then, I'm going to be quiet.

Or as quiet as a loud ass like me can be.

[the-winter-spider]

Kinda Don’t | B.Barnes

Warnings: Angst, character death

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: Never proof read, going through my drafts and just posting shit lol, enjoy?

Master list

****

Bucky and you had a long history, and I don't mean long as in only a decade but 7 of them.

You were the girl next door literally, you grew up directly next door to Bucky. You moved in right before puberty hit not just the boys but you too.

It was always just you three and it was the first time you had any real friends, your father was part of the army, science sector of it so you were constantly moving never having enough time to actually make any life long friends let alone fall in love but when he went missing, later discovered dead in some secret lab he had under your house, your mother and you packed up and moved to the city that everyone wanted to live in, New York.

With the endless amount of possibilities or more so the endless amount of men your Mother could shack up with and have them support her and yourself. You didn't mind of course as long as she was happy, you were happy.

That was until her latest husband David started yelling a lot, then he started drinking a lot, then he hit you for the first time. Your mother told you it was the wrong place at the wrong time, you walked into the house right as they were fighting and he struck you. You never said anything except went straight to your room, then climbed out your window back to where Bucky was.

And when he saw you, you broke down. He promised he’d always be here for you and you were the only girl that would ever have his heart. He was true to his word to a certain extent. That was until puberty hit and every girl was throwing themselves at him, it was inevitable he was gorgeous.

He went out with every girl in town, except for you because you weren't as pretty as them even though he always would get drunk and end up climbing through your window instead of his, telling you just how you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on how he was so lucky to have you, but then the next day when you woke up he was gone, back out the window and back to holding some other dame in his arms.

But when the war got worse and people were getting their letters left and right you knew Bucky’s were coming and he stopped seeing other girls and he spent all his time with Steve and you.

It was different, he would hold your hand on the street, he would take you dancing, he would take you on dates. You found yourselves constantly under the sheets intertwined with one another and then one night when he thought you were sleeping he told you while running his fingers through your hair that it was only ever going to be you, it was only ever you and when he saw any future it was always with you.

He told you he was hopeless in love with you since the day he saw you standing by the moving truck holding a box and you tried your hardest not to open your eyes and tell him you were in love with him too.

The next day he enlisted and spent the last night he had with Steve and you at some Stark thing you cared nothing about but at the same time everything about because Bucky cared about it and you cared about Bucky.

And just like that he was gone and the first decade and a half of your history had ended before it ever really started. When Steve showed up on your step to tell you about Bucky and to give you the book that Bucky wrote to you every single day, he told you he was going to avenge his death and he would come back to you, and then he never did either. When Peggy Carter knocked on your door to tell you about Steve you shut the door and shut anyone out that was left in your life.

Till sometime in the 50’s in the paper it said Howard Stark was looking for volunteers and you never forgot how much Bucky would beam at the opportunity so you showed up at the base and he said yes before you could even speak after hearing how you were Steve’s best friend.

You were injected with the closest hope to the next super soldier serum without the drastic physical changes. They called you Miss America, and you hoped you would have made your boys proud but when Howard noticed you weren’t ageing as you should they ran tests, discovering that your cells rengernated at an extremely fast rate now allowing you to age as you should before you could run more tests and possibly find an antidote or even how enchanced you really were, Howard died.

You were alone again, Peggy tried her best to keep you company and to keep you hidden, you should have been in your late 60’s like her but instead you looked 3 decades younger than her, she thought it would be best to fake your death so that's what you did.

Y/N Y/L/N died in 1995 at the age of 75, your cause of death was undetermined. That’s when Lily Barnes was created, born in 1965 making you 30 years old, which is what you would stay looking for the next 2 decades, when they found Steve on ice you could have sworn you saw a wrinkle that was never there before.

When he found out Peggy was alive he was of course over the moon but when he saw you he couldn’t believe his eyes. He had Fury look into you and when he saw a death certificate, they found where you were buried and it was beside Bucky. But yet you were standing directly in front of him looking like you had only aged 5 years in the last 70. You told him everything, he was so mad at first but he came to terms with it when he realised he wasn’t going to be alone.

Fury tried to recruit you for the avengers but you wanted nothing to do with making new friends and losing them your heart simply couldn't handle it. Fury understood told you he didn't like it but he understood, he put you in a safe house Steve respected your wishes and besides Fury, Steve was the only one who knew where you were that until a red head knocked on your door, Steve beside her and he told you to suit up, you did no questions asked.

The next thing you knew you were on a jet, getting debriefed about someone by the name of Thano’s. But when you were getting close to a place called Wakanada, your heightened sense picked up on something you.

–

“Steve, what's wrong?” You stood by Natasha putting all your weapons in their correct spot.

“What isn’t wrong?” Natasha tried to joke but you ignored it.

“Stevie” You asked again “You know I can tell right? I can sense literally everything”

He gave you a soft smile “I forgot you were enhanced” he sighed “There’s something i haven't told you”

“No shit” You smiled

“She doesn’t know?” Sam asked from the front seat, Steve shook his head in response.

“How much doesn’t she know?” Natasha whispered

“None of it”

Natasha looked at you, placing a hand on your shoulder “I’m sorry in advance, I didn’t know” she then proceeded to sit by Sam, giving Steve and you the space you apparently needed for this conversation.

“I’m so sorry, i just, there was so much going on and you wanted to stay out of it and i know if you knew you would have been brought back in, but then Natasha happened and i didnt know about their history and he was so happy, I haven't seen him smile like that since you, then Wakanda happened, he deserved to be free, he deserves to be happy and so do you and it was wrong of me not to say anything, your my best friend you took care of Peggy, I – “

“Steve, slow down, what are you talking about?” Your senses were in overload, you could feel every atom, every fibre in the air, alerting you that you needed to run, that you needed to fight.

He gave you the same eye’s he gave you when your Ma past, the same eyes he gave you when Bucky forgot about your birthday because Dot said yes to a date, the same eyes he gave you when he told you Bucky died. “He’s alive, Bucky’s alive”

“What? Steve that's not funny”

“I know, I’m not joking” He reached just beside the shield and handed you a file that said CLASSIFIED in big red letters “Were arriving in an hour, I’m sorry I should have told you sooner, everything you need to know is in here. I’ll be right over there if you need me, I’m here for you”

The file was heavy in your hands, your mouth was dry. When you read his name at the top it felt you were swallowing a razor blade. You read everything as fast as you could, you held back tears, letting the metaphorically razor blade cut any emotions you wanted to have. You were angry, so angry, so hurt that this was kept from you, you wanted to kill Steve Rogers, you wanted to murder Captain America. But no more than you wanted to kill yourself, he was alive this whole time, the same time you were alive. You could have done something, why didn’t you know to do something? You should have felt he was still alive and in pain, he was your soulmate, he said you were soulmates. That was until you got to the second last page in the file, it was an HR paper from Stark Industries and your eyes were blurring with tears when you saw the world's relationship and saw two signatures at the bottom one reading James Barnes and the other Natasha Romanoff.

“Landing in 5, 4, 3 – “ You heard Sam counting down, you placed the file down. You took a deep breath soaking in every fibre of information presented to you in the last hour. You stood up having an internal battle of whether you should kill Steve now or later, you wanted to strangle Natasha, but it wasn’t her fault, you couldn't blame Bucky, she was amazing if you swung that way you would have fallen for her too, you should have known the second Steve told you he was alive, before you even opened the file, he always had a thing for redheads. You clipped your last knife to your thigh.

You gave Natasha a small smile and she returned it. You could feel Steve’s presence hovering beside you, as the doors whired open “Does he know?” you didn’t even look at Steve as the doors slowly opened.

“No” He sighed “Im so sore –”

You shook your head “Don't”

Natasha was the first one out, no doubt in your mind wanting to see Bucky, Steve followed shortly after, then Sam, then Bruce, the Rhodey, than you’

Her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips grazed his you heard her mumble an ‘i miss you’, that metaphorical razor you swallowed sliced your heart in half.

Steve hugged Bucky, whispering something to him and his blue eyes searched for you, disbelief written all over his face. He started to make his way to you, but stopped just before he could reach you, his eyes trailed over your figure, tears brimmed his eyes “Doll, I -”

You cleared your throat, shifting your demeanour from heart broken and love sick back to someone you swore you never wanted to be again and that was Miss America “We have a fight to win Sargent.”

He blinked a few times, shifting his gaze to Steve and he shrugged in return, he turned back to you “But I - “

Steve came up beside him “She’s right Buck”

Bucky looked like he was having an internal battle within himself before he nodded and the team made their way to the battle ground, Bucky never leaving your side, his pace stayed with you the whole time until the fight started, he kissed Natasha on the cheek wishing her good luck, before he got the chance to say something to you, your back was already turned getting in your fight stance.

You lost him for a while during the battle, while still keeping an eye on him without being too obvious. You did the same with Steve you knew he was more than capable and was no longer that little boy from brooklyn, even though you were still mad at him he was still your best friend, well one of them.

The fight dragged on, and when you thought you had any possible chance of winning, people started turning to dust all around you “no no no” you mumbled running closer to Steve, your eyes locked with Bucky “Y/n….” he trailed off before he was completely gone.

—

F i v e whole years.

Five whole years of losing Bucky again, five years of growing so close to Natasha you would consider her your best friend. It was just you two in the compound, you came back to the whole superhero lifestyle and tried your best to do anything you could to keep things running smoothly. It was hard half the fucking world was missing, but your whole world was.

You wanted to hate Natasha you did, she had everything you ever wanted in the palm of her hands and yet you couldn’t. She was everything you aspired to be. You were nothing like her and it made sense why Bucky kept anything you thought you had in the dark, it wasn't because you thought he was savouring it, soaking up every moment, no it was because he was ashamed.

You wanted nothing more than to hate her, it would have made things so much easier but she was just as amazing as everyone made her out to be, you hoped you could somehow find a way to get Bucky back and selfishly you hoped he would wildy confess his undenying love to you but you knew that would never happen, and at the same time you were rooting for them, he was your everything then and she was your everything now.

You could push your heart break aside for decades again couldn't you?

Could you die from a broken heart? You hoped it would make everything so much easier.

But you didn't and here you were about to do fucking time travel. Standing on the platform you tried to tune out all the energy and nerves you could feel radiating off of everyone, a hand found its way on your shoulder “Were gonna get him back Natasha smiled at you before turning to the rest of your teammates, her family “See you in a minute”

—

“You know, i thought living as long as i have would have been the craziest thing to ever happen to me” You smiled thinking of all the crazy shit you experienced in your overly lived lifetime.

“But here we are, in space going to some place called Vormir, don’t be too full of yourself y/n'' You laughed, bumping your shoulder against hers.

“Welcome” A voice echoed behind you. Grabbing your knife, Natasha reached for her gun. “Natasha, daughter of Ivan. Y/n, daughter of Lilith.

As you both made your way forward you tensed immediately recognizing who is in front of you.

“Who are you?” Natasha questioned, your knives still raised.

“Consider me a guide, to you and to all who seek the Soul Stone”

You eyed her cautiously before taking a step forward “Oh good, you tell us where it is, then we’ll be on our way”

Red skull looked at you “If only it were that easy”

He turned around starting to move forward, you looked at Natasha, she shrugged in response and then the two of you followed him near the edge of a cliff, what looked to be a sunset in the distance.

“What you seek lies in front of you, as does what you fear”

Natsha pushed ahead peering over the edge “The stones down there” Her back to you.

“For one of you” Red skull respond

You were overwhelmed, you could feel the stone, you could feel the calmness, the sureness radating off of Natasha, her pure willingness. Your feet dragged you forward, peaking over hoping the stone would be in reach, which you knew it wouldn't be, because it would be crazy for something to be that easy.

“For the other” He continued “You must lose that which you love, an everlasting exchange” He paused dramatically, you swallowed the lump in your throat “A soul for a soul”

She took your hand in hers, pulling you away from the ledge. Taking a seat on a rock, while you leaned on one. You knew what you had to do, what had to be done “Y’know, I think our hopefully chatter doomed us”

She smiled at you “We cant seem to ever catch a break huh?”

“People like us never really do it seems”

She stood up turning to face you “And here i thought we found a little bit of break in each other the last 5 years”

You smiled back at her “It's always too good to be true”

“Whatever it takes” She took your hand in hers

Swallowing back the lump in your throat “Whatever it takes”

She stared in your eyes, you felt nothing but love and longing radiating off of her “If we don't get that stone y/n, millions of people stay dead, Barnes stays dead”

Nodding in agreement “He deserves a life Nat” You placed your other hand on hers “A great one and you —“

“I'm starting to think we mean different people here y/n”

“For the last five years Nat, all we've been trying to do is get to right here, that's all its been about. Bringing every body back, getting Bucky back”

“Don't you get all sappy on me now y/n/n”

“Nat..” you trailed off

“You think I want to do this? I'm trying to save your life you idiot”

You squeezed her hand “Yeah, well I don't want you to. I've lived long enough Nat, this would be a great way to go” You smiled back your tears “Bucky has you, i have you” you looked off towards the sunset “It's not that bad of a sight, y’know if its the last thing i see”

She placed her free hand on your cheek, turning your head to face her again “I love Bucky” her eyes piercing into yours “But i love you more”

“No, Nat -“

I wasn't finished” Her thumb swept one out of a dozen fallen tears finding their way down your cheek “But he could never love me, his heart belonged to someone else but the little piece of it i got to see”

You shook your head as she brought your forehead to hers before she continued “Whatever it takes”

“Okay, you win” You released her hand before sweeping your leg under hers, placing your arm across her chest and pinning her down “Tell Bucky and Steve i love them”

She grunted before hitting your arm, and using her legs to flip you around before standing up and pointing her widow bite at you “You tell em’ yourself” before shooting it at you, an electrical charge attacked your body.

She started to run towards the edge before you recovered, grabbing your knife and aiming it at her leg grazing the side enough to knock her down.

Before you started to charge at full speed to the edge, as you were about to fall, she wrapped her arms around you shooting your grappling hook at the top of the cliff, you both swung back at full force smashing into the edge, you looked up “No no no” you tighten your grip on her but you could feel her slipping “How do you know i love you! This could be for nothing you dont know”

“I know”

You tried to reach her with your other hand for a better grip but failed

“Let me go”

“No” you sobbed “No please no”

“Its okay” she smiled

“Please” Tears were burning down your face, before she kicked off the wall her arm ripped from your grip.

“No!” You screamed till your throat was raw, as you looked down you saw her lifeless body laying there.

Everything went black and you could hear water running, you sat up frantically, you were no longer hanging off the cliff, as you lifted your hand out of the water a single stone laid in it. Your tears meshed with the water before you were being brought back.

“Did we get 'em all?”

“Are you telling me this actually worked?”

You dropped to the ground, cheeks raw from crying, you could feel all eyes on you, “Y/n? Where's Nat?” Bruce questioned, you turned to look at Steve, shaking your head no, avoiding all the other eyes because you wouldn't dare look into their eyes, you were nothing to them.

She was their family and you came back and she didn't.

[theminecraftbee]

so, first, accountability statement: I plan on trying to finish the “zedaph steals a baby” fic by the end of the month and god is that one-line summary no longer accurate but we’re sticking to it, said here publicly so now I have to do it. obviously I also have recursive exchange and the writing I have for hotguy comics zine, but I am not SUPER worried about either of those time/inspiration-wise at the moment and also for Reasons I know it won’t be long until I have more free writing time after that, SO.

various items that are on my potential writing docket, I am curious which of these appeal most:

I dust off the supervillain support group au. two ways this could go: I chip away at the second arc of my original outline and acknowledge this will be like a 300k fic I’m not ready to feel “done” with or “ready to post” with for ages, or I re-work it into something a little more doable and less ambitious keeping the same premise (ren runs a support group for supervillains, doc pov as he starts to heal and redeem himself). this MAY honestly be a target for “if I don’t hate the first 50k on re-reading it and I can actually make my brain write the second arc, do a slower release schedule and then start releasing chapters before I’m done writing”? but this ALSO runs the risk of “I stopped writing it, which is often a sign I was having trouble writing it”.

pearl monster au, which has been cooking in my head for a long while. the basic premise is “one day, pearl, with no memory of how or why this happened, wakes up in a facility as a monster and must try to figure out how she got there, escape, and find her way home, even knowing she may be irrevocably changed”. now with bonus season 10 fish flavor to add to this creature design I’ve been iterating on in my head for forever! this one is ALSO an experiment for me in “can I write a fic where I can’t write dialogue for basically the entire first act”, which would be interesting to see from me, you know?

the related “bigb folklore au”, where after secret life bigb is woken up by Cat and Dog by the tracks of the King Snake, which bigb can recognize as the railroad track, and decides to journey down the railroad to see if he can figure out what the fuck is going on. I need to do video review of life series bigb for this one. this is my excuse to get Weird and Metaphorical and also assign everyone to various animals for no reason, along with using some very specific aesthetic I have wanted to use for some worldbuilding but hadn’t gotten around to yet in any of my stuff. man walks through the desert with animal, confronts train that might be the watchers, might be death, and might just be a train. also, realizes that “confront” is the operative word there and has to deal with that. you know how it is.

““office au””, in air quotes because it’s not REALLY what anyone going to an office au is looking for so much as an excuse to write weird horror. iskall, normal-ish software developer man in a boring office job who does game jams in his free time, goes to work one day to work in his boring downtown office on a payment system for a client. and then things, uh, Take A Turn. this would be a LITTLE me going “what if I wrote an au with a guy who works in tech but like, the boring side of tech I’m in. like, banks and consulting and manufacturing and shit. where you sit in meetings all day and tweak java 8 code even though that language is ten years out of date. but THEN. something exciting happens in the worst way possible.” I’m doing to iskall what I did to mumbo stuffed bird is what I’m saying. it’d be fun.

DO ANY OF THESE PARTICULARLY INTEREST ANYONE. your input will be valued. like 50% chance i get hit with a strong bolt of inspiration then IGNORE that input but it’ll be valued all the same,

[silviakundera]

Oooh I like duke su from the show but the one from the novel sounds so much more interesting tbh I love a morally grey character with his own goals who doesn't give a f*ck what the lead is trying to do but has their own agenda and it's a much slower burn. Though with how Chinese dramas operate these days it's no wonder they made him like the FL and start helping her extremely early I don't think they know or even can with how netizens are write anything else.

Though I too love novel Su guogong, I think we're in a real quandary for the adaption.

The censors won't let him be characterized as black as the novel version AND be allowed to survive (see: Eternal Brotherhood where we can have a main character who is a dark schemer with blood on his hands that adores his wife -- only because he's doomed, doomed, doomed!) Boooooo!!! I do not agree that this softening was required for this work nor Story of Kunning Palace. Grr!!

But the change to make the FL and ML interact much more and work together in the 1st half, rather than him observing coldly and uncaring about her life or death -- imo that's a quandary about different mediums and how the audience reacts to them.

I wrote a lil meta post previously about the live action adaption of MDZS and why imo the production was forced to change the WWX and LWJ backstory. Once they decided on a linear storyline, imo the otp had to eventually be friends in his first life with a mutually acknowledged bond. The audience simply CANNOT be asked to wade through 20+ hours of episodes before LWJ as love interest isn't repeatedly rejecting the protagonist. 25 episodes and weeks in real-time of him being only cold & standoffish is too much for most viewers. When consuming the novel, the reader both won't have that stretched out real time delay until the couple are on the same page. And it won't take them 20 hours of reading to get there.

Things hit different for a crafted romance on page than performed live on screen for a 40-50 episode drama.

I can still see the adaption's struggle with this. Su suogong is truly a minor character in the novel and frankly not an active participant in most of the problem > scheme > resolution sub-arcs. He has this whole other full life of his own separate interests happening..... somewhere else. The novel mostly leaves his weekly activities as a black box, an obscured mystery. Drama boy is out there somewhere moving his chess pieces & murdering people for power but the reader often just sees glimpses of him ominously sipping his tea & ordering his minions around. In order raise him to a main, the drama is forced to make him involve himself in the play much earlier - to give him a reason to be on screen that is fully tied in with the main plot & its themes. He has to care about FL by the 9th hour in, and want to support her.... or give up ML status to Ye Shijie. 🤷

We can see the strain of this as 3 episodes may happen and all the screenwriter can do is have Su guogong show up for 5 minutes just to flirt a little and remind viewers he's alive 😂😂 but that's what you gotta do with 40 episodes tbh. I can't disgree that this is a more enjoyable viewing experience.

[flymetosnarryland]

My Snarry WIPs' list.

I would like to share something. My Snarry WIPs' list, yup. Why? I always felt weird writing about myself and stuff I do, but I'm processing changes and thought I can share not only art, lol.

How many project are you working on? I'll dive into couple of mine:

Date with a Star - a Post-War romantic comedy. Harry is in love with Severus, Severus secretly loves Harry. Both are too scared to say what they feel to not lose their friendship. A friend in need asks Harry for help and this is where the wild ride with dumb dating TV-show starts. Especially because Harry don't know that the same friend-in-need blackmailed Severus to get him into the same show too. This is actually a second Snarry fic I ever started to write, inspired by dating TV-show from 1992. I remember that when the idea for this one hit me, I was laughing for a good hour (that TV-show was absolutely ridiculous). And I still feel a pinch of positive embarrassment when think about what's going on there. In fact this story made me want to learn how to translate my wiritngs into English. It's half written and translated too. I really have to finish second part.

Infraction - my first monster fic. My baby. Crime (serial killer), slow burn, Muggle AU featuring Marauders and Death Eaters, political sheananigans and Severus' old flame. I have entire story written out from beginning to the end. What's more... with an ending that allows me to dive into second book (I'm excited lika a child) including the initial idea for it, ahh. Every time I think about Infraction, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a tear comes to my eye, damn. However, the entire project requires a huge amount of work. And a few modifications that I finally have to do to complete the first stage. It's not simple, though. I regret a bit that I released the cover, prologue and first chapter. I was prematurely carried away by the joy of creation, but that's okay. Going to fix it all in time.

In the Moonlight - working title. Something I planned to write for last year's Snarry AUctoberfest, but the beast got bigger, lol. Crime (kidnapping), Muggle AU - my great weakness and, most importantly, inspired by the movie Bodyguard (the one with Whitney Huston). Much like Infraction, this fic is fully planned and scripted. I can't believe I managed to do it. I wrote 1/4 of the whole thing and even have the lyrics of original song that Harry dedicates to Severus, although I don't know anything about music at all (an elephant stepped on my ear).

In between - a drawing series. Harry and Severus in a cute/fluff version. Post-War and happy life, because that's what they deserve!

First time - Drama/Romance, Muggle AU (gosh, yeah, again!). This is a project I want to do 50/50 as a fic/comic. A few works and dirty sketches have already landed here. I have a little dream of writing something that includes e-mails/text messages. In general, a romance that started online. Aren't Harry and Severus purfect for this? (Plus doing art in colour for this project was a test I wanted to start before 3B.)

3B - a Vampire fic, yessss. Can you believe that once I said, I'll never ever write or do anything connected to vampires? Hehe, now I'm in the middle of it, fully commited and over the moon. A bit dark/angsty story with a bonus: illustrations. Crime (more like, cri-me a river, lol; I mean, again? Yup xD), Post-War, a few intrigues, even a SnarryWedding o_0 gosh. That is another thing I said: "No, that's not going to happen." I guess, I fell on my head since now I do everything I promised to myself not to. But it's fun. And bloody, mhaha. I also created my own Vampire Villains and I kinda fell in love with them. Going to sneak into this fic a bit of blood magic mechanics that I created for my fantasy book, too. The picture at the top is one version of the cover sketches ɷ◡ɷ

Adrenaline - working title. Post-War/Drama/Romance and slow burn, a bit of Hogwarts, a bit of Quidditch and for a change Severus will have to show that he wants something more. I mean, I always writing/thinking about Harry chasing Severus. So here the dynamic will change a little. Can't wait for it! The idea for this one was accidentaly born last week and I can't stop it anymore. The inspiration comes from the cover art for Witch Weekly that I did, lol. I had no idea that at the stage of brainstorming, it would turn into another monster. It supposed to be a short story, but, apparently, I'm not good at short stories and it's time to come to terms with it xD I won't cry either because I like Harry and Severus pairing up in different ways/AU's, hehe. And most importantly - creating all these things, even if they don't fully see the world outside my drawer, still gives me great joy!

[boydepartment]

jake is the type of guy…

a/n: tbh……. i wrote this right after i posted the jay one. i am a HUGE jake stan if anyone reading this is new to my blog. i love my main man very much‼️

MASTERLIST

warnings- none just fluff

wc- 250-300

other members part-

jungwon heeseung jay jake sunghoon sunoo ni-ki

song- classic by mkto

jake is the type of guy who…

🦮runs away from you when he first sees you. if he sees an attractive person- he is sprinting away. jake would rather die than embarrass himself in front of you.

🦮 finds out through one of his coworkers that you thought he was cute. instantly, he is sprinting around seeking you out. when he does of course he gets shy again, he didn’t think approaching you through.

🦮 tries his best to act confident around you, but you can see through the facade. not that you minded, him being dorky added to you already liking him.

🦮 slowly starts to become more comfortable with making conversation with you. he was good at talking, not just calming his nerves around you. but jake gave it time and he eventually built up real confidence around you.

🦮 accidentally lets it slip that he wants to go out with you… like really bad… jake didn’t even know how he slipped up. but it happened! next thing he knew, he was going out on a date with you. and it went really well :)

🦮 even before dating he’d want you to put on the medicine for his sores on his mouth. the other members were stunned that him acting like that didn’t give you the ick or anything. you honestly were just happy to help.

🦮 treats you with respect everyday. jake never wants you to feel like you’re below him in any way, because you’re not. the relationship is 50/50, he never wants you to feel like you don’t have a say in something. the only time where it isn’t split equally, is if one of you is taking care of the other due to one of you being sick, or just having an off day.

🦮 absolutely loves when he can debate with you. jake loves that you both don’t have the same opinions on everything, he loves being able to discuss things on a variety of topics. he loves when you get passionate about the subject, jake loves seeing when you have a glint of spark in your eyes.

🦮 sometimes forgets things. if you change your coffee order abruptly, he will still sometimes order the old one. just give it 3-5 business days for his brain to catch up a bit breaking from routine.

💕🦮 jake is the type of guy who loves when you are your own person. he loves being able to hype you up with whatever you’re doing and he absolutely loves to show you off and talk about you.

[secular-jew]

Colonialism is a disease

Imagine being an Arab Muslim and having the audacity to call someone else a colonizer. The illustration below is a snapshot of Islamic colonialism and occupation of other people's lands, from the 7th-9th centuries. Islam went on to attack, destroy, occupy and colonize vast swaths of Europe and southeast Asia, as well as what is now called Turkey.

The world has witnessed many colonial empires since the beginning of time. Most notably, the Mongols, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Babylonians, Egyptians, Islam/Ottomans, Portuguese, Dutch, French, Spanish, British, and American. The only empire that didn't take land, even after winning world wars, were the Americans. They actually gave back the Philippines. But I digress.

All of these empires were in large part, created by bloody conquest, and built on the backs of the newly subjugated. The Hebrews were, famously, slaves in Egypt. No one seems to teach this in the west, focusing more on the Romans, but of all the colonialists, one of the most deadly brutal and expansionist empires were the Muslims aka the Islamists. The Islamic empire expanded by sheer, from Medina (where Muhammad massacred and enslaved the 50% majority Jewish population) all the way into western North Africa, much of Europe, and large populations of Southeast Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, parts of India now called Pakistan, etc). As it expanded using violence and fear, Islam literally took 100 million slaves out of Africa, and was responsible for one of the greatest mass murders in history: killing 10 million (or more) on the forced march from their homelands to the Middle East.

Some examples of Islamic slavery include the Al-Andalus slave trade, the Trans-Saharan slave trade, the Indian Ocean slave trade, the Comoros slave trade, the Zanzibar slave trade, the Red Sea slave trade, the Barbary slave trade, the Ottoman slave trade, the Black Sea slave trade, the Bukhara (Uzbekistan) slave trade, and the Khivan slave trade from which Islam took millions of slaves out of Persia to the Islamic khanates. There are Arab/Islamic societies today (Libya, a well-known example) that still trade slaves.

Compare this to Israel. Israel/Judea was never colonial nor expansionist. The Hebrews (aka Jews) were often properties of and were subjugated by, colonial empires, including the Islamic colonial empire.

They Hebrews themselves, as noted above, were most famously slaves of the the colonial Egyptian empire, some 4,000 years ago, before being murdered and subjugated by Islam starting in the 7th century. Somehow able to escape Egyptian tyranny through their own efforts (some say, by the grace of Hashem), the Hebrews settled in their current indigenous homeland 3.600 years ago - a small area by global standards, smaller than Belize, Albania, or Montenegro. They were happy there, and even at their peak, did not attempt to force convert others or expand much beyond their lands.

As historian Barbara Tuchman wrote, Israel is “the only nation in the world that is governing itself in the same territory, under the same name, and with the same religion and same language as it did 3,000 years ago.” Despite all the occupations and forced exiles, the Jews/Hebrews/Israelites have maintained a continuous presence in Judea/Israel/Samaria for some 3,600+ years. And even though Israel was granted modern statehood in 1948, it is one of the oldest continuously maintained countries in the world. The 'modern' state of Israel came to fruition post WWII, in 1948; the redefinition of borders and modern statehood after the fall of the big colonials was in no way unusual to Israel. Many country's modern borders came to be defined in the post colonial period (post WWI & WWII). While Israel and Lebanon and Iraq and Iran and Syria and Egypt were all ancient civilizations, dating back thousands of years, modern statehood came in the 20th century: For example, statehood was granted to Egypt in 1922; Saudi Arabia and Iraq in 1932; Lebanon in 1943; Indonesia, South Korea & Vietnam in 1945; Syria & Jordan in 1946; India & Pakistan in 1947; Israel, & Myanmar in 1948; Laos, Libya & Bhutan in 1951; Cambodia in 1953; Morocco, Sudan & Tunisia in 1956; Ghana & Malaysia in 1957; and so on.

The problem is, the tribalism and supremacy of Islam, can't stand that it's once-conquered land is now in the hands of the original owners. Islam believes that once it puts a flag in the sand somewhere, it's theirs.

Oh, and by the way, Andalusia (Spain) is next in Islam's sights.

[yuerikoko]

So…

I can’t believe it took me 3 years to be able to say it out loud but—

Old woman yuri.

(Or at least one-sided gay pining at the very most)

(Apologies for the lack of good screenshots, I just started replaying WE recently since my Angela brain rot is coming back)

———

Okayy so I want to confess: I initially wrote a fic about them because I wanted a wlw equivalent to Jars from S3 so then I thought about them— and thus came a slow burn fic (actually a 1k word one shot because it was part of a one shot book in Wattpad I had back then) I made of them in 2021 in an AU where Lars was the mole for the sake of making the ship sail. The one shot has been deleted, unfortunately, and as of now I might not have plans to rewrite it : (

Anyways I started shipping them seriously after I wrote that fic (I still like Angelars and Carchelle tho!) and the more I read into their interactions, the more I realized just how much untapped potential their relationship has (PS knew they would be too powerful so they had to make Angela the mole with little to no buildup until literally two cases before IPS/s). Also incoming ramble about them since barely anyone talks about them:

Their interactions, while few, are super wholesome and have a special place in my heart as someone who’s skimmed through the transcripts for either Angela’s appearances OR their interactions. No one talks about how Carmen, while usually hotheaded and quick to action, constantly praises Angela and is really patient with her enough. And as @celestiarambles has pointed out in their analysis of their relationship, Carmen has only gotten mad at Angela ONCE for a reason that wasn’t out of concern for her well-being and it was because she was flirting with Lars in front of her. (Could it be because she wasn’t being serious? Or could it be out of envy? We may never know, unfortunately…)

Likewise, I see so much potential to be explored when it comes to their interactions: Carmen teaching Angela photography after having very nicely for some reason (I bet 50 bucks that if it were Jack or Lars it’d be different) told her she sucked, them discussing parenting tips, and character studies of their relationships. Or if we were to enter fic territory, their pre-canon/post-canon dynamic is also an interesting idea to think about, or maybe an AU where they could end up together (Mole!Lars seems like the easiest way tho). Fic writers, I call upon thee to make this wish of mine come true/j

Their personalities also complement each other very well : D. While both show clear work ethic and seriousness in their work, they also complement each other. Carmen is tough, hotheaded and started off as distrustful at us in the beginning of WE, being focused on her work first and foremost, while Angela is much more calm, patient and initially warm and family-oriented. This also leads to some interesting parallels as they almost become each other’s core traits by the end of WE: Carmen having grown more motherly and caring after having Sanjay, whilst Angela grew distrustful and cynical, likely due to her pledged loyalty to SOMBRA, which lead her to follow their orders so devotedly that she was actually willing to blow us up.

The fact that the transition from the main plot of IPS to the AI has Carmen change facial expressions from holding a straight face to being sad/disappointed. It could’ve been Ripley, who was upset at the loss of one of their most competent members by the hands of the organization she swore to destroy. It could’ve been Jack, who was upset for Lars— his best friend, and they did have some nice interactions, too. But the fact that Carmen of all people was chosen for this, despite the fact that her relationship with Angela wasn’t either of their most important (Lars to Angela and Sanjay/Elliot to Carmen /platonically btw), did make for an interesting choice.

Also not related to canon but fun fact: my hc of Carmen nicknaming Angela “Angie” actually came from that one fic I wrote XD

And don’t get me started on the way they also fit into so many tropes at once:

Birds of a feather: Both of them are hardworking, serious and devoted to their work, but are shown to also care about the people around them, especially children and young people.

Red oni, Blue oni/Opposites Attract: Despite their similarities, Carmen is more hot-tempered and impatient, while Angela is known to be more calm and reserved.

Coworker yuri: do I even need to explain myself…

Brains and Brawn: Angela is shown to be really intelligent (you do not just forget a Nobel prize in biology) and it is also shown when she almost succeeded in deceiving us into thinking anyone but her was the mole. On the other hand, Carmen is more prone to action and violence (the fact that PS barely put out a moment in which she lets her badass personality shine and is almost always rescued by Jonah is a huge sin against humanity). Their jobs also reflect this in a way.

Pair the smart ones: Angela with her academic expertise in biology and Carmen with her field experience in journalism.

Battle couple: Most of the points I stated for Carmen earlier apply, along with the fact that we learn that Angela takes military training in the finale.

Dating Catwoman: Can somewhat apply post-canon, or after Angela has been outed.

Morality pet: To Carmen, since Angela is one of the few people she rarely ever gets mad at that wasn’t a child or teenager.

You (he) never did that for me: For Angela. An example was in Case 8 where she had went missing for hours and Lars was only like “hey guys my wife went missing” while Carmen actually went to go look for her.

Not so Different: Aside from their personalities, their character arcs also reflect this as discussed earlier. Carmen’s warm and motherly side gets to show itself later on with Angela still around, while the finale also shows Angela loyal to SOMBRA and being colder and meaner towards the Bureau, showing this sense of superiority(?) over their respective allegiances similar to Carmen in the early cases (and also throughout, to an extent) of the season.

Complementary colors: Red and green. Need I say more?

OKAY THIS WAS A LOT— it took me a whole hour to type this up but I wanted to get these two out of my head rq also as a means of unwinding from exam stress (will probably disappear into the shadows again after this). Please do correct me for any inaccuracies, though ^^

[preciadosbass]

14/8/24 [4x DIYS + a drawing <already posted> today!! key & significant photos at end. technically a journal from yesterday as it was posted on a later schedule.]

woke up at 9 and opened instagram to find out about danielle’s [vic fuentes’s wife] second pregnancy. im so happy for the both of themm!! [that explains vic’s freaky comments on danielle’s posts…] i stayed scrolling on insta and doing those story template/prompt things up until 9:50 when i finally went out to properly say good morning to boris. id already mouthed it to him through the front door after waking up, but i can’t go without actually sitting with him. i had breakfast as the heat is making me faint and he kept on jumping up on my knees to try and eat it. he did at one point lick the bottom of my toast [i got it on video yipee] and the way he tucks his paws and places them on my leg to get to it is so cute.

my mum said i should take off that bit of toast so i did, and stayed outside with him until 10:15 because apparently my sister has people [keyworkers [[?]] come over aswell and two people turned up on the driveway. once i was back inside my room, i wrote the entry to this journal and listened to linkin park’s ‘meteora’ [their best album in my opinion] i thought that i wouldn’t be able to leave my room in ages due to the people round, but my dad came in and told me that they’d left to shop/bake/cook with my sister. which is good for her, and ideal for me because i can get on with my diy windcharm inspired decoration/bottlecap charm.

i waited for my dad to get his tools and he started drilling the holes through the bottlecaps at around 10:40. after he was done, i brought the shells i collected from the beach inside, and my dad started going through the different ways he could drill through them as i couldn’t decide. i decided on one and made my bottlecap charms while he drilled. i finished one out of two of the charms when i realised the elastic was drooping and it looked weird so my dad drilled through the tops of the caps to make things easier. obviously you can see where it was originally drilled but i still think the results are cute. [photos at end]

i went outside to get sticks for my ‘windcharm’ thing, and put ‘jaime’ on my favourite bottlecap charm, which isn’t revolutionary for anyone else apart from me. it is at the moment because i don’t have my name on anything i own, and i finally put it somewhere!! the best part is, i can just say it’s because i love jaime preciado, as my family already know about my interest in him. they’ll never know whahahaha

i don’t actually know why i made the charms, they don’t serve much purpose other than hanging somewhere in my room and being something to look at. but i like randomly making ‘useless’ stuff — it gives me something to do. hopefully i can put up some more hooks and actually put them on display, maybe use the jaime one as a keychain if i do ever come out. i finished re-doing them, took pictures of them, and then said a quick hello to boris before starting to make my windcharm thing at 12:40.

i felt conscious over everyone in the house watching me make it, so i took the shells with me went into my room. i measured out all the elastic and started making it at 1. i threaded all the shells and a few odd tiny beads onto the frame. i originally meant to make one the bits that hang down to have silver beads on, but they didn’t fit through the elastic, so i resorted to bigger cream coloured beads. i finished it at 1:40 and stood on my stool to work out where i wanted it hung. i organised a place for it to go and hot glued my favourite shell onto the centre of the stick frame. my dad put a hook in my ceiling and hung it at 2:20. it dosent really look anything close to a windcharm, but at least it’s another thing in my room to glance at. [picture at end]

i listened to my atticus cd while making it, and i love it — my favourite track so far [im not sure how long i listened to it] was american nightmare by am/pm. it’s one of the only cds i have where all of the tracks/most of the tracks; [i cant remember] are all recorded by different artists. afterwards i went outside with boris until 3. my mum and dad were on the other side of the garden gate, being shown my sister’s nunchucking. upon getting inside, i started putting up some more photos at the side of my desk [3:20] i also stuck my jaime charm up there aswell. as for the other target looking one, i’m going to leave it hanging on my mini bass. [pictured at end]

i feel like i haven’t put up anything in decades even though i did not too long ago when i stuck pikachu on the side of my shelf, but still. while doing this, i listened to my main playlist [WIP] [link at end]. once i was done, i got out a few scrap parts of old jeans that id cut up and drew on them with a paint pen. i cant actually make any patches because i’ve lost my fabric paint, but i thought i might aswell make the ‘template.’ i made a my chemical romance once, along with ones of fall out boy, ‘all cats r beautiful’, the pierce the veil symbol, the frank iero logo, a killjoys patch, and a party poison patch. kobra kid is my fav out of the killjoys, but there’s no way on earth i’m drawing a kobra on denim or whatever the fabric im using is. i’m bad at drawing as it is. [will post photos of the finished product if i remember]

after putting all my supplies away, i posted for the first time on the mcr community i joined [which was scary wtf everyone’s so good at art there]. it was a picture of my diy black parade mcr trinket box. afterwards i wrote a decent amount of this and added a few full albums to my main playlist along with changing the playlist image. i also added three more can tabs to my tab bracelet as i found two out of nowhere this morning, and my sister brought one back from her outing. i listened to some more music and made drafts up until 5:40 when i started collecting black + white/dark blue pics of jaime and chi so i can redesign my homescreen and app icons. i finished after an hour and im super happy with the result. hopefully my favourite colour dosent change again because actually going through every app and changing the icon is boring asf. [photos at end]

i drew a killjoy oc from 7 to literally 12.. it took so long because it was my first time every drawing digitally and i made up their design on the spot. i wasn’t planning on finishing them so i had a break at 9, also. i’m okay with how it came out considering what i just mentioned. i love their ray gun design and i’m obviously yet to give them lore/a proper gang etc. i continued adding text to the drawing and posted a picture of them at 12:30. [the post under this]. at 12:50 i started looking at other peoples killjoy oc’s as i haven’t really done that before. i continued doing that while collecting band/musician gifs along the way until 1:50. i had already been in my parents room for 15-20 minutes but i did my questions about boris around the time just listed.

i did them quite quickly, went downstairs, did my teeth, and started saying goodnight to boris at 2:30. i told him/showed him the things i’ve made today and finished speaking to him at 3:20. i fed him before going into my room and wrapping up this journal. i posted this before going to sleep, but i’ll say i went to sleep at 3:35 and update the actual time in tomorrow’s journal.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he’s okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i’m hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[blacknwhitemood]

Depeche Mode - Condemnation / finding video's location "near God"

It was only 3 days after the Memento Mori concert in March, when I learned that Condemnation video was made in Hungary, not far from Budapest, near Göd, in a small village's border, Göd-Újtelep. When I wrote about it to @mijamija1234, she suggested that what if I visited its location? I liked the idea, I've started to make a research. Later I found some colored photos on Göd-Újtelep's website (under this text) and I posted them with words "Condemnation’s video was made near Göd". @mftm1987's reblog tag was hilarious: #well sure it was made near god. I felt love with the concept, so this is my "project's" name: Near God.

The only screenshot from the video (1st pic above) that I can use for finding the location is not very helpful, considering that it happened more than 30 years ago. 31 exactly. In 28th of July, 1993 the band and Corbijn went "into the f---ing woods" early in the morning after the day of they Devotional Tour concert in Budapest. Dave talked about it the gig's night in NME, while Gavin Martin was making his long interview:

I won’t even sleep tonight. I’ve got to get up and go and do some… I’ve got to go off with (Anton) Corbijn into the f---ing woods and do the ‘Condemnation’ bit. But, really, I have fun with doing that. It’s just the eight o’clock morning, you gotta get over it.

I quoted from this article first time here, my updated daves-first-tattoo post (scroll to the middle). Another source, Daryl Bamonte, Devotional Tour Diary, Bong magazine, 1994:

It was a long trek from Belgium yesterday, and we had to drive out into the Hungarian countryside today for Anton to shoot the “CONDEMNATION” video. Dave seemed to spend most of the day being dragged around by Sam and Hildia. He wasn’t complaining though. It could have been the other way round…

Near God

It's not easy to find a DM video's location (except Strangelove), Corbijn preferred countryside for his videos and the nature mostly in different countries in Europe (e.g. Belgium, France, Switzerland, Portugal, Scotland) or in the U.S. Hungary is famous for its "puszta", which is similar to prairie. Before the single's releasing he could shoot the clip during the tour. They stayed 3 days in Hungary, I read somewhere that Corbijn choosed Göd's area for the reason being very close to the capital. On imdb.com it is simply Göd.

I was searching for those dirt roads from the screenshot with the Google relief map, impossible task. 31 years. I googled many times a day if I got some new inspiration, suddenly I found a person on facebook who commented Göd's page' photo of the day: she was there in her 14 years, "half of Göd was there". I wrote to her, 3 days later she answered that she would help. Wow.

We met today and spent only 40 minutes together. She and her husband took me from the railwaystation on a truck to the location that she remembered - and of course that become famous in the village. She told me the short story: "My friend's sister was a big fan. We didn't have phones that time, someone brought the news by bike, no one believed that. Later many cars went to the place with 50-80 fans. We were hanging on the fence, like the children in the video. There were huge reflectors, the shooting took until the evening. Now there is a big battery factory in the fields."

When we arrived, we walked to a small road but it didn't resemble to the video's for the first sight. In fact it is a huge field with woods around, at the end of the road there was the factory, "It was built on that hill on the picture" she told. She was sure, so we took some funny photos with the printed screenshot (at the background with their truck), I wanted to walk more to find a better view but it was a very hot Summar day and my guide didn't have much time. To the right on this map I marked the point where we took the photos:

I think the trip was worth it. All this area from the village to the woods down was the location of the video making. 31 years later the fence with the small cabin and the sunflower field disappeared but there still have straw bales, dirt roads and habitants who remember.

The single released 6 weeks later, on 13 September 2013. Although MTV played the clip on time, its DVD version released much later in 2002 on Depeche Mode - Videos 86>98+ (I ordered the very last piece of it from Antal). This DVD originally released in 1999 but without the clip, you can find a live version instead of (I have the 2000 edition), because - it is said - Corbijn wasn't quite satisfied with the final result, the band seemed too tired in the video, especially Dave.

I love this song. Not my favourite, but it's in my DM top 20. One of its reasons that the video was shooted in Hungary and Dave loves it. He has frequently mentioned Condemnation as one of his favourite songs. In this interview from 2006 you can hear directly from him at 00:37. As fandom.com wrote, Dave still gets goosebumps when he recalls recording the song:

I immediately knew the song. It wasn't necessarily completely accurate to the way Martin wrote the melody line or the phrasing or the timing. I just sang it, and [after] I sang it, the tape stopped rolling and it went on quiet. I've got my headphones on and I hear [producer] Flood's voice go, 'Yeah, I mean, you could do another one. But I think we got it.' / 2021, Exclaim!

Well, at Memento Mori Tour they sang to us twice in Budapest, in 28 July, 2023 (yes, this day <3) together with 50000 people and in 26 March, 2024 to 16000 happy fans. Honestly, I like Waiting For The Night much better, I really wanted to hear it live, I hoped that they don't sing the same song at the same city as first encore duett, Condemnation is difficult to sing, they've sung Waiting For much often at this tour... but I was wrong. I was confused with my feelings, I was disappointed. I was looking for the answers of they decision, and later I understood that somehow Hungary might mean Condemnation to them. They gifted us with Dave's favourite song. Twice.