#where are the fans that crave connection and community but also fear it because it feels foreign

[lunaelume-n]

want to know where the hannibal fans are that have an ugly past, that can’t always relate to knowing they’re really a good person inside. want to know where the hannibal fans are that struggle with terribly intrusive thoughts, that have acted immorally and have been genuinely unsafe or unhealthy for others, even others who were innocent. want to know where the hannibal fans are that grew up deeply questioning everything about reality to a disturbing level, and how isolating that felt. fans that struggle with feeling very angry and hurt, or just feeling their feelings all the time. if not feeling, analyzing everything, all the time. the fans that can’t always relate to being the victim of the story, but the person who’s done harm too. want to know where the hannibal fans are at that have genuinely wondered if something is severely wrong with them, and not because of their admiration for the show, but because of the ways they’ve behaved, things they’ve thought or said, interests they’ve had, but also because you grew up feeling less included than you’d like, so you just feel more odd than most, maybe even doomed sometimes. this show is a helpful tool in observing myself more objectively, and i appreciate that because i’ve been able to learn when to step back and let go, on top of applying other coping mechanisms i have. i do feel isolated in this fandom sometimes because while i know i am not my past and my mistakes or my struggles, i see many people online that i feel might not have strayed too far the way that i have, and while i have a general grasp on reality and morals, and i’d never intentionally act out of line with those morals now in my life, i have in the past, and i’ve been wrong, unsafe, and cruel. i’ve been able to reflect on myself and grow, so there’s comfort in that, but there’s still also the worry of “what if i am alone in this?” knowing how unlikely that is, given how many people are in the world.

[deepmochi]

Drawing Boundaries: A Briefly Guide for the Venus Signs in Love

Love is a feeling that keep us blind and unwilling to acknowledge pain. Usually, we talk about Venus as the planet of love, but Venus is part of our self-esteem too, our values and how much you love. This post would try to help to see when you should draw boundaries. Sometimes, we let ourselves down at times, especially when we love others in romantic or platonic relationships.

If you feel doubts about someone in a platonical or romantic relationship, this may help to clarify your feelings. I hope so.

In this post, I will focus only on the Venus sign, but it applies to the sun if you have sun-venus aspects. If you are Venus dominant, you can also read this with that in mind.

Venus in the signs

Aries: You would do everything for them right? Jumping from a cliff or more, but what are their actions saying?! You know they are not present. Before jumping from that plane, ask them if they will do it for you. Are you 100% that they will give all for you? If you can't say yes, go and see why. The chase can't continue forever, you can find passion in other ways.

Taurus: Oh you love the essence of love?! The idea of "I love you"in someone's body. However, when that time is gone, where are they? The intimacy is more than s3x. Ask them and yourself, do you see them in your future? Will they be in your "bad or sick days"? Is this stable or just momentarily? Because as a Venusian, you crave love and intimacy in a pure way (not only sensual), Don't lie to yourself.

Gemini: People don't communicate with you? they let you do all the work? You can't read minds, but you wish, though. Let them know, you love to communicate with them. If they ignore you, just let them go. You need someone who shares your beliefs, or at least someone who can debate with you (mental stimulation doesn't equals toxicity) you build connections through sharing experiences by talking.

Cancer: A homebody who loves to pretend as a extrovert. Have you invited them to your home? Have they ignore your vulnerability? Let your sensitive side come and see them. If they hug you instead of judge you, it's there. If you still have questions, answer this: do you feel safe and nurture with them in all situations?

Leo: Well, you know what you want right Mr./Ms confident. So, be clear and don't let them worry you. If they show you how much they love you, it's there. Don't try to catch someone attention. Are they in or not. Remember, the stage is yours if they try to dim your light, it's over. A Queen needs a King, not a peasant.

Virgo: You can't fix everything and everyone; people will change only if they want to. Stop, trying to justify their lack of empathy or respect towards your needs. They don't want to be better. You need lower expectations not lower standards. They will change if they what to, have they put the work? Read that again.

Libra: You love love! If that makes sense, maybe not. Contrary to Virgo, you are fan of love, but you need to add boundaries. How? Simple, make your mind, if you are overthinking, well just remember words and actions go together. Also, you need to put your actions in balance, are you and them giving and receiving the same? He/she looks good, but are you equals or just accessories?

Scorpio: Your cue is quite difficult to say, but don't play in the shadows. Sex and transformation are your themes, yet love is not for dark places, I mean, don't hide your fears. If you are constantly running away, well it's time to ask yourself, Can I share my skeletons, will this person? Will they accept me and my dark materials?

Sagittarius: Love is commitment, but you can chose how to handle that. If you can't commitment to someone, they are not the one. Also, love is a playground for you,but this doesn't mean emotional manipulation. Don't hurt yourself or others if you don't feel happy, just admit your lose.

Capricorn: ooh boundaries, you know them well enough. However, money, social standards or materials don't equal love. If you can show or understand what love is, the feeling though, not the concept; you need to draw boundaries with your actions and other's ethics. Burnout in relationships is a thing.

Aquarius: you don't like boundaries or categories. Nonetheless, you should know what you want and how you want it. On and off situationships will never be good. Settle your intentions with your partner without social labels, yet with emotional intelligence and respect. Can you do that?

Pisces: Ooh Pisces, you are so Romantic that hurts you. Is like you are going too fast, it's time to stop and draw boundaries. It seems like you are driving without lights in the dark. The drunk in love idea is literally about you.Love needs to feel safe, do you feel safe with them? or are you ignoring the multiple red lights? It's time to leave cloud 9 and comeback to the earth.

Only take what resonates. Take care, loves 💚☺

© deepmochi 2021 – all rights reserved.

[onlychaosnosense]

The Kathony Connection: A forever kind of love

So like many Kathony fans, on my first watch I was also disappointed by the lack of conversation and emotional connection between Kate and Anthony. But since rewatching their scenes for the nth number of times, I have realized there are still a number of things that make their connection so deep.

I agree that talking about their families and lives would have made their emotional connection stronger. Basically they had the conversations available in the book especially in the library scene all they had to do was tweak it a bit for screen (minimal work!). To non-book readers, I would recommend that you just read that storm/library scene, it's really great to see how they connect.

But conversations are not the only way to know people. Sometimes hearing others talk about people, observing them and their interactions with our own family can also help forge an understanding. 

Let me expand a bit:

Kate got along with the Bridgertons and who knows maybe it's implied that Edwina spoke highly of Kate offscreen (would have been nice to see it though). Now we have to remember that for Anthony, his family is everything. He may act like he doesn't care or is this stern, self assured head of the family, but deep down he craves their approval and acceptance. The fact that Kate won them over means a lot to him and that is another thing that draws him to her. She has won the appreciation of his family, something he hasn't been able to achieve himself. Eloise and Daphne clearly like her, B&C may not show it but they appear to be impressed that she can hold her own especially when in conflict with Anthony.

And Kate appreciates what his family means to Anthony, how he adores his family especially the little ones and how much he admires his father.

He comes clean at the poetry reading which must have baffled Kate because I doubt she was expecting honesty from him. And when he stands up for them at the Sheffield dinner, he proves to be an honourable man who uses his authority to protect people he cares for. And these are qualities that she seems to bring to the surface and although she might not be aware of it. And like Anthony, she feels like an outsider amongst her own and craves acceptance and acknowledgement.

She is the only one he has allowed himself to be vulnerable around, the only one who has seen his greatest fear and could calm him down. When they are together, their walls break down

When Kate and Anthony talk, they rarely truly express their inner selves. They are both individuals of action rather than words, their love language is acts of service imo. And they understand each other because they are mirror images. That is where their conflict and mutual admiration arises from. They are drawn to each other due to their similarities but loathe being reminded of their own shortcomings. The parallels in their personalities were necessary and I am so happy at least the show gave us that! Small mercies.

Even when they were enemies, Kate and Anthony did not despise each other for who they were. They hated having to witness how some of their own flaws were reflected in the other and the harm it was causing them as well as the people they loved.

So while talking to people is often a great way of knowing them, a lot can be communicated non verbally simply by taking the time and care to know them. Kate and Anthony lived with their families and yet the families never truly understood them. But Kate and Anthony understood each other maybe because they cared to look past appearances? Their connection is on a different level all together!

But all said and done, fans shouldn't have to speculate the romance between the leads, it should be obvious and that is where the writing failed Kathony. Show, don't tell. And this was A Choice by the showrunners and writers that I cannnot bring myself to agree with.

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 1):

The Gifted Child Syndrome is Real with this One...

*Rubs hands together in preparation for some juicy data and in-depth analysis of the typical member of the DTeam Tumblr community*

Ooooooooh boy! Here we go!

I want to start of by thanking you guys for over 400 responses to the demographics survey! Y’all have no idea how much I appreciate it! We have so much to cover, so I’m going to divide up different sections of the survey into several posts to make it more digestable and do justice to each topic explored in the form! We’re going to start of with, you guessed it, personality types!

Strap yourself in because we’re about to thoroughly dissect your sub-conscious innerworkings and find out how the typical DTeam Tumblr Fan thinks! (And judging by the majority personality types, you guys will probably enjoy it)

The Delicious Data

From the 449 responses we received, this is a pie chart displaying the personality types of all respondents.

Image Description: INFP (40.5%), INTP (15.1%), INFJ (8.9%), INTJ (8.9%), ISFP (6.9%), ENFP (4.2%), ISTP (4.0%), ENTP (3.8%), ESFP (1.6%), ISFJ (1.6%), ENTJ (1.3%), ENFJ (1.3%), ISTJ (1.1%), ESTP (0.4%), ESFJ (0.2%), ESTJ (0%)

In comparison, this is a pie chart displaying the personality type percentages of the population as a whole according to the MBTI website.

Image Description: ISTP (14%), ESFJ (12%), ISTJ (12%), ISFP (9%), ESTJ (9%), ESFP (8%) ENFP (8%), ISTP (5%), INFP (4%), ESTP (4%), INTP (3%), ENTP (3%), ENFJ (2%), INTJ (2%), ENTJ (2%), INFJ (1%)

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sensing a tiny difference here... Oh, right!

INxx’s on the Loose!

It’s funny. When I first found one of the 18+ DTeam fan servers through Tumblr, I asked everyone what their personality type was. I was pleasantly surprised when a lot of them told me they were INFPs like me!

It actually reminded me of MatPat’s (Game Theory) survey for one of his Life Is Strange theories that found the majority personality there was also INFP...

Funny enough, can you guess what the second leading personality on that survey was? The third? The fourth?

You probably guessed it right. MatPat found that out of the fans who responded, the leading majority was INFP while INTPs came in second, INFJs came in third, and INTJs came in fourth. The exact order for the personality types in DTeam Tumblr.

But why is it that some of the rarer personalities of the world are dominating DTeam Tumblr or Game Theory’s fanbase? What is it about these communities that attract the rare introverted Intuitive Perceivers (INxP) and Intuitive Judgers (INxJ) of the world like magnets?

The Gifted Kid Syndrome

To answer this question, first we have to examine our leading personalities. As we can see from the data, INFPs and INTPs make up 55.6% and INFJs and INTJs make up 17.8% of the total respondents. That’s nearly 3/4′s of the DTeam Tumblr population made up of INxx types!

Now, here’s me calling y’all out.

A lot of you probably relate to the quiet kid sitting at the back of the classroom who’s put into some type of TAG, gifted program, or some authority figure has probably called you smart and/or “gifted” at some point in your life. Academics probably came easy to you at one point, maybe they still do.

You’ve probably felt your chest swell up at the shower of compliments about your intelligence and at another... you’ve probably felt like people put you in a pedestal and overrate you so you’re stuck with this inherent fear of failure, and it causes you to completely shut down when the things that came easy to you at one point no longer do so. 

It’s gifted kid syndrome hitting you like a brick to the face. And if it hasn’t yet, oh you’re in for a surprise, honey.

And I’m sure many of you have come across funny, relatable posts like this:

And you want to know why most of you relate?

Image Description: INTP, INTJ, INFP, anf INFJ’s rate the highest in a giftedness per MBTI Type chart

No. You’re not hallucinating. It’s not even a joke at this point. It feels true because it probably is true.

(Granted, the study that captured similar results to this graph is long lost to the internet, but the best source I found with it was a reddit post I will be citing in the reblog.)

Now, my next point is where we find a split.

INFPs and INTPs and their Need to Question Everything (even if it’s about one sentence [insert creator here] said that one time during a 4-hour long stream)

The strongest connection I found between the two leading personalities of DTeam Tumblr is they share Extraverted Intuiting (Ne) as their auxiliary cognitive function.

I’ll use a quote that explains Ne better than I could ever explain it in my own words:

“Extraverted intuition or Ne is very much focused on patterns and making connections from information they gather... Ne dominant users enjoy being able to explore things in a much more open manner, not wanting to feel closed off to the possibilities around them... They are also highly imaginative people, who enjoy being able to come up with unique hobbies and experiences... They are not afraid of imagining things which seem almost impossible to others... [For INFPs,] Ne is what creates this detailed and incredible thoughts process which keeps them busy for long periods of time.”

And another:

“Auxiliary Ne manifests in people constantly questioning the world around them, but unlike ENxPs, they can be more pick and choose about this. But generally, they don’t take people, things and events at face value.“

Now, think about the community you’re in right now. Think about the post you’re reading at the moment.

DTeam Tumblr is full of over-analysis posts, whether about Dream and George’s secret love for each other or about the inherent problems with Dream’s shipbait and gay jokes or theories about what’s going to happen next in the dream SMP lore and the dramatic betrayals and creator’s descend into madness and more theories about sexuality and charts depicting creator’s personalities and what they’d be likely to do in different scenarios and... ooof, I’m out of breath here. You get my point.

DTeam Tumblr is literally a group of ex-gifted or gifted introverted people who love to read or write analysis, theory, and discussion posts about sweaty Minecraft Youtubers because they’re probably too overwhelmed by real life and find joy in obsessing over “dumb” things.

That’s it. That’s literally the post. I might as well end there.

But I won’t. 

Because obsessions is exactly what I want to focus on next.

The Inherent Nature of the INFP and their “Micro-Obsessions”

This is me having a one-to-one conversation with all my INFPs reading this.

Do you sometimes just set your mind on a goal--like, let’s say, writing a book--and you spend so much time obsessing over it to the point where you burn out and suddenly it never sees the light of day because you move onto your next goal or obsession because now you’re getting ready to launch your freelance website so you can start a business on [insert new hobby here]?

Or do you just suddenly find a fandom or a show or a channel you really enjoy and you spend the next few months doing nothing but engaging with it and reading fanfiction and drawing fan art or making dumb analysis posts on your main Tumblr account where suddenly you get an influx of followers from that community and now people are expecting you to just post about MCYT!?

Oh, sorry, I got a little carried away at the end there...

Anyhow, my point is, do you ever develop an obsession over something all the sudden only for it to just disappear when you find something new or just fall into the deep crevices of your mind only for it to maybe reemerge a few years later after you get a deep sense of nostalgia remembering it?

I call them micro-obsessions. And I recently found out, I’m not the only one who does this!

Here’s another quote for you: 

“According to Carl Jung’s theory of cognitive functions, when an INFP makes a decision, Ne comes in second to another process known as Introverted Feeling (Fi). Fi does not use logic to make a decision. It uses how we feel about the decision according to our values. In other words, it asks, “Which choice feels right for me?”

Ne, on the other hand, craves new ideas and experiences to explore, which causes INFPs to always be on the lookout for something novel.

Unfortunately, INFPs can get stuck in a loop, going back and forth between their Ne and Fi. They search to understand their values by constantly trying new things. They ask themselves, “Does this feel right?” then throw it over their shoulder as they move on to something else.”

So, you’re probably asking right about now, Light, how the heck does any of this have anything to do with the Dream Team and MCYT!?

Well, my friend, it has EVERYTHING to do with the Dream Team and MCYT and DTeam Tumblr as a whole.

Because INxx’s are predisposed to end up in places like this--fandoms on Tumblr, channels that speculate whether Mario is evil, watching dramatic Minecraft smp wars and elections as opposed to looking at the news that depicts Murphy’s Law as 2020′s new favorite epigram. 

The introvert in them causes them to prefer socializing in small communities online where they’re not forced to engage in conversations if they don’t want to or put into uncomfortable situations where they have to talk to that one friend of their friend who wants to make meaningless small chat.

Their Intuition causes them to wonder into places like Tumblr where they can engage in deep discussions about their newest obsessions, and they won’t be judged for writing a 500+ word post about why Dream’s shipbait tactics are a genius algorithm strat or simping over sweaty Minecraft boys.

DTeam Tumblr is a safe haven for INFPs and INTPs who might be placed in the “other” category or marked as weird for being interested in “childish” entertainment or being different from the general population overall, whether that’d be sexuality, point of view, age, gender, etc. A place where you can fully be yourself and not have to worry about disappointing people.

INFPs are predisposed for drowning themselves in their micro-obsessions to avoid all of the madness in the world--even if that means giggling like a little girl while reading memes about your favorite Minecraft YouTube creators.

That is a deep-dive into the mind of a typical DTeam Tumblr user. What do you think? Is it accurate at all? Is it completely off? Let me know in the comments!

And with that, I digress. I’m not sure whether I’ll be covering general demographics next week or diving into the topic of ships (could be a mix of both), but I will be posting about it eventually, so make sure to hit the follow if you got to the end of this post and enjoyed it or learned something new from it!

Friendly reminder that this survey and post is in no way supposed to be taken 100% seriously. These are just the ramblings of a math major INFP with too much time on her hands and way too big of an obsession for MCYT. My asks are always open for literally anything, whether if you want to ask me about this or any DNF related subject, my own opinions, or just criticize the whole of this post and tell me it’s complete trash! I’ll answer as long as it’s appropriate!

And, again, thank you everyone who filled out the survey. Without y’all, this post wouldn’t be possible. I really enjoyed writing it! Adios!

[misslolasynastry]

Celebrity Synastry Analysis

Married at First Sight - Season 13

Ryan and Brett

Couples' Synopsis 🗯: Brett (yes her name is Brett) is a more liberal pop-chic, glamour, outgoing type of woman. Ryan is conservative, country music, outdoorsy, camo hunter, introverted guy. So far up to episode 11, they arent really into each other but they get along okay. You can tell that there isnt much of a spark, yet they still participate in activites. First day of the wedding, they were like oil and water as Brett felt uncomfortable with Ryan's lifestyle and views as she grew up in a more socially relaxed upbringing. Ryan is more quiet and soft spoken so although he peeps things he doesn't say much. Brett leads most of their activities together and although she is aware of their differences she's modest and optimistic about it. They dont argue theyve just sorta accepted how different they are and casually press on. They look more like coworkers that dont talk much. Ryan has gone on to say that he doesnt feel a connection with Brett and so he doesnt put in much effort toward the relationship. I created a poll amongst fans asking if they think Ryan's lack of connection is valid OR should he try more to make it work as Brett does? The results were 55% with 75 participants leaning towards them just not being a good fit. I agree in that regard.

Below is an example I give for basic synastry clients. One thing astrology doesnt account for is having a connection, as 2 people can be completely incompatible yet still crave each other in a love/lust way. Ive also seen couples that had highly compatible charts but they werent interested in each other. However, despite lacking a natural bond, theyre more likely to come to appreciate one another over time due to how naturally smooth things are. Synastry is more for analyzing the differences in 2 persons' behaviors and personality, as well as how they interact with each other. Youre able to see where you disconnect and where you have similarities. I do them for couples, family members, and best friends.

🌞 Sun - Leo * Scorpio

Represents what each person takes pride in and is the core of their personality. They are incompatible here because they view life and take pride in very different things. Their Suns also create a square aspect which intensifies how polar they are. Leo Suns are more extroverted and take pride in the joys of life, creativity, romance, independence, and things that encourage spontaneity and challenge. Scorpio on the other hand is a deeply emotional intimate sign, as an empath are often more introverted in relationships and prefer a slow and steady intensity. Scorpio is also more a codepenent sign as they feel at their best an most powerful when theyre in charge and can command change in their surroundings. This doesnt work very well with an independent Leo Sun as both of them are fixed (stubborn) signs, one emotional/sensual and the other more playful/fiery. You could see this on their wedding day as Brett felt out of place while Ryan couldnt figure out why Brett couldnt just let go and enjoy the moment.

🌛 Moon - Virgo * Cancer

Represents how each handles emotions, feelings, the way they feel nurtured and nurture others. They have compatible moon signs as their zodiacs are both introverted, sensual, slow and steady, as well as sensitive. Virgo moons are the organizing perfectionists so they tend to pick apart everything they sense and how theyre feeling. As an earth sign theyre very grounded but at the same time are constantly trying to perfect their relationships with others. If youre paying attention to the little details, they will love you for it. Cancer moons are the motherly type and at times codependent because if they care for someone they will try to protect and "mother" them. As an empath they are very sensitive to the feelings of others and do things to try to keep the peace. Because both are introverted, slow paced, and sensitive emotionally this pairing works well. You can see as Brett and Ryan are talking that they feel comfortable with each other especially when sharing their feelings.

🗣 Mercury - Cancer * Libra

Represents the way you communicate, process information, and the key to what goes on in a person's head. They are incompatible here because they process information and communicate very differently. There is also a square aspect which indicates being more prone to misunderstandings as well as having alternate viewpoints on many topics. Those who watch the show can see that they have very different social lives and beliefs. Cancer is more sensitive, family based, an emotional speaker, and empath. Cancers are in a way more dreamy and poetic conversators. They are sensitive to the things others say and fear hurting other's feelings as well as hearing harsh words. Libra is more intellectual, analytical, extroverted, and social. Librans are peacekeepers and enjoy light hearted fun conversation, they arent afraid of blunt direct speaking but dont take well to conflict. However in ways both individuals are people pleasers as these zodiacs feed off the other person, in order to respond in a way they think is acceptable. Ryan prefers a communication style thats more emotional poetic and intimate, while Brett wants someone to joke with and is engaging to have a good time. They dont really talk much and as you can see, Brett engages him more than the other way around. Ryan doesnt feel emotionally connected so often opts out of conversation unless its deep.

💝 Venus - Libra * Sagittarius

Represents your creativity, romance style, inspiration, and foreplay. They are compatible in this area as both zodiacs enjoy this more light and fun essence when doing different activities together. Libra Venus tends to love social activities and things that bring a bit of challenge in to the mix, having a peaceful loving relationship is important to them. Sagittarius is the spontaneous optimistic adventurer, enjoying someone they can grow with and exchange ideas. And because both are able to let go and have fun, theyre able to spend time with each other despite differences. You can see this in the show as both Brett and Ryan still participate in activities together while other couples struggle more.

😡 Mars - Capricorn * Libra

Represents the way you respond to conflict, what motivates you, and the style of sex you prefer. They are incompatible in this planet as they resolve conflict in very different ways. Capricorn the fatherly hardworking zodiac can be more withdrawn and stern, seeking to take some time to calm down before trying to resolve things. They approach conflict by way of hardwork, discipline, structure, conservatism and law. Capricorn Mars play by their rules on whats right and wrong and can have a traditional stance on things. They can get emotional and defensive of what they deem to be law. Libras dont mind approaching conflict head on, because when resolving they tend to remove emotions and analyze the situation. Theyre considered the best judges of the zodiac due to their ability to find balance and bring harmony. However, Libra Mars can be people pleasers and kinda passive about things. If they feel the other is uncompromising they will withdraw. Although Ive never seen them argue, I can predict that Ryan is more on the sensitive side and very matter of fact, while Brett may attempt to get her point across then cave-in once Ryan is noticeably uncomfortable. Although they may be able to trigger each other in the mood by way of Venus, Capricorn mars prefers more slow and steady lovemaking, while Librans like things more fast paced and fun in the bedroom. Im willing to bet that Ryan enjoyed Tantric yoga more than Brett did.

When it comes to aspects traditionally I would break down them all, but when first looking at someone's chart in a basic synastry standpoint, I analyze longevity factors first. Such as aspects to Saturn, Pluto, North Node, and at times Juno. But to keep this shorter, I'll stick to the 3 major aspects. Conjunctions, Trines, Squares

😇 Saturn Trine North Node - support each others growth through maturity and discipline

👥Saturn Conjunct Uranus -traditionalist vs nonconformist, the unexpected and practical nature of each other is beneficial, but feelings of restriction or unpredictability can crumble the relationship

💣Saturn Square Moon - saturn sees moon as overly sensitive while moon feels restricted. It grows worse over time as each feel misunderstood, its up to Saturn to reconcile this issue by being more attentive.

😇Pluto Trine Sun - encourges confidence, positivity, and has a transforming effect on each partner, mostly Sun

😇Pluto Trine Jupiter - optimism remains through difficulty which allow both to persevere through challlenges

😇Pluto Trine North Node - pluto has the ability to transform and empower North Node on their path to success

💣Pluto Square Lilith - good intentions can get lost in the mix as pluto person attempts to transform liliths obvious struggles

😇North Node Trine Mercury - Mercury stimulates North Node's intellect regarding their purpose and karma in unexpected ways.

👥North Node Conjunct Jupiter - optimism and a sense of purpose motivates each other. This can help them succeed in things they do together.

💣North Node Square Neptune - the future of the relationship can be very cloudy, they may seek to look at each other for inward healing and North Node will lose patience for it all

💣North Node Square Venus - indicates differences in where each person wants the relationship to go, Venus prefers lighthearted fun and romance while North Node takes their path more serious.

📒 Final Thoughts: Based on their compatibility and aspects, there isnt much spark or longevity between them. And they may never quite align for that reason. They could attempt to work through these problems but for a lack of connection on Ryan's end, hes less likely to try to make it work. Brett is at least open to it but having different lifestyles and alternative desires for a relationship will make it hard to move forward. This is why having a mutual connection is so important in a relationship because both partners at least have that glue to try and make differences work. The only thing theyve got going for each other is the ability to understand each other's emotions and have a good time. But when examining aspects, Ryan still views Brett as overly sensitive and not disciplined in her reactions. Even if they did press on with their relationship, they may still find it dull, just based on the lack of fun aspects in their synastry chart.

🧜🏽‍♀️ For inquiries regarding synastry charts please visit my profile introductory post, email misslolasynastry@gmail, or shoot me a message. If you'd like me to analyze a celebrity couple im open to doing so as long as you have both birthdays on hand. I can also analyze family members as well.

[twdsunshine]

Previous anon again!

What made TWD so intriguining and attention catching was the focus on the OG group - all the way from S1E1 in the Quarry - and how each character in that group progressed, how they dealt with this new world around them, how they coped with their losses, etc. It was interesting to see how they had to adapt and learn how to behave in a new terrain where nothing was in their control and there was no system to control anything happening. The audience grew attached to these characters because we got to know them in detail, like you said, and that made us feel connected to the people and story. With the introduction of new communities, rushed intros of new characters only for them to disappear or be killed off for shock value without adding anything to the storyline, and characters who didn't even need to be introduced in the first place, erased the years worth of storyline existing. This show in its core premises is about survival and man vs. nature, it's about showing how regular individuals are forced to deal with something so alien and foreign. The earlier seasons really delved into those topics, in addition to showing how these people were affected mentally and emotionally, like Rick after Lori died. From what little I have seen in teasers, the show has become this spectactle of people in body armor (I don't even know how the materials for them could be supplied in the countryside of post-apocalyptic Virginia or wherever they are now) just fighting each other in these theatrical battles. Like...wasn't this show about the survival of human kind in a zombie-infested world all the while trying to keep their sanities, protecting their families and themselves, and the mental/emotional/psychological/physical toll it takes on an average human to live through the fear of death on a second-to-second basis?

For me, the show pretty much concluded with the Negan era wrapping up. Whatever happened after that, I do not accept as canon and blame it on lazy writing and not staying true to the show and what the fans loved the show for.

Yeah, I totally agree. It was about humanity, and what it means to try to retain that when everything around you has fallen apart, and how you form your own family to survive. That's what made it so refreshing and different from other stereotypical zombie movies and stuff. The threat didn't really matter, be it walkers, humans, nature, whatever... It was about their struggles to stay true to who they are and to look after the people they loved and do the right thing, and how they were forced to adapt and fight to find a place in the new world.

I think one of the best things about the Commonwealth (where, yeah, the stormtrooper uniforms are kinda ridiculous, and, also, I think they're in Ohio now??) is that I can at least understand the motivation behind the leaders and the people that live there - they want to get back to some sort of normal, restart civilisation, etc. And who wouldn't want that, given a choice, right? It is human nature to crave that kinda setup and protection because it's what most of the survivors would have known before, so I can see why they might turn a blind eye to some of the shady goings-on.

What I've struggled with before is that... we don't always really understand the motivation behind our villains. Like, Alpha was obviously just completely insane, but what sort of people would follow someone like that? Who would choose to wear the skin of a dead human being and wander with the corpses all day? And the Wolves and the Reapers - pretty much just killing for killing's sake with no thought or logic...

With Negan, I think it's kinda true that, if we'd followed his story from the start, we might have been on his side. He was trying to protect his community, he viewed people as a resource, and he used shock and violence to keep them in line... It wasn't pretty, but it at least made a twisted kind of sense.  He was finding his way, just like our group.  It still kept to the key themes that we fell in love with, to some extent.

There's really no denying that the show lost its way. I'm not sure even the most die-hard fans could argue with that. I guess what kept me watching, and still does, are the characters and relationships that I've grown attached to in spite of everything. I want to see how things end up for those people. Even if I hate it, I've come too far now to leave it unresolved.

Plus, it's all good fic inspiration, right? Much as I want to, I can't set everything I write at the prison...

[mrsgreenworld]

Son Yaz Episode 23

"İmkansız" ("The Impossible") aka It's Worth It

It's strange but after the last episode I've been thinking a lot about Arrow. Sure I'm a big Arrow and Olicity fan. Hell, they're the reason I got a Tumblr account. When the show ended, it was tough. Because it had been a part of my life for several years and it resonated with me deeply and it had given me a sense of community and belonging. So I feared I would never feel it again. But then Sen Çal Kapımı kinda attacked me, pulled me in and it was so great - feeling this passionate about something again. And despite SCK having turned into a mess and huge disappointment, I'll always appreciate those early days and keep them in my heart. After all, it brought me to you @lolo-deli and @djemsostylist. This alone is something I'm very grateful for. But my disappointment with SCK left me wondering yet again: would I ever find something worth watching and shipping and obsessing over? I got my answer when, after having seen all the amazing gifs by @aslibekroglu, I finally gave in and started watching Son Yaz. And it's completely taken over my life ever since. Not in a way SCK had back in the day. By similar to the way I felt when I was watching Arrow. I know it may seem kinda crazy because Son Yaz and Arrow are two completely different shows. Like, two shows cannot be any further apart, almost to the point of polar opposites. But I've realized that, if we look past the genre, language, the storytelling and all other differences, there's something very similar in the heart and core of both these shows. I looked at Akgün in the last episode and holy shit how much he reminded me of Oliver Queen. And I'll gladly explain why. Let's get down to it.

Akgün

So how the hell did I end up comparing Akgün Gökalp Taşkın and Oliver Queen? It's very simple really (at least it is in my mind 🙈😆) and I'm surprised I haven't made this connection before. Because both Akgün and Oliver are essentially the same type of character - a tortured hero, tainted by darkness and burdened with past sins but ultimately a very good person with a pure heart, bright light inside and infinite capacity to love. Both of them don't hesitate to make sacrifices for those they love, they can be borderline suicidal when it comes to protecting their loved ones. Sure Oliver had a mission and wanted to make a difference by helping people and protecting the whole city. Akgün doesn't have these ambitions. But then again Son Yaz isn't a superhero type of show. But if we remove the "super" part and focus on just the men, we'll see that what they both crave is actually very simple - love and family. I also think that Akgün reminds me of Oliver more now because in season 1, despite his difficult childhood and the loss of his mother, there still was some innocence left in him, he wasn't truly touched by the darkness. It changed when he shot his brother and helped Selim beat up to death and then buried a man, possibly still alive. Taking someone's life robs a person of innocence. Same thing happened to Oliver. However, he's way more acquainted with darkness, given how he dropped bodies left and right at the beginning of his vigilante career. It's clear that Akgün and Oliver had very different journeys but it's impossible for me to ignore the core similarities.

Another thing Akgün and Oliver have in common is their desire to not just protect their loved ones from the dangers and evil of this world, but also from themselves, their own darkness. They deem themselves unworthy of the women they love. Akgün even straight out confessed it to Yağmur in the moment of panic. That's the reason he left - he didn't want to taint her with his darkness. But then again, he's never truly left her or given up on her. He's given up on himself. He's doomed himself to loneliness.

I must say that episode 23 in general made me love Akgün even more. We saw not only his devotion and fierce love for Yağmur but his love and loyalty to Soner. Their brotp is one of the best things on this show and I sure hope they won't destroy it.

The Rocket Team (yes, the name is now canon!!!!) reunion gave me all the feels. Seeing these three grown men turn into teary eyed mess just melted my heart.

Throughout the whole episode we saw Akgün trying to be there for everyone. He didn't want to argue with and go against Selim but he also didn't want to betray Soner. The scene where Akgün met with Selim and told him that Soner and Naz had gotten married, made me so proud of him. He was the reasonable one in that moment. That's a first 🙈😆 At the end of the scene Akgün also managed to make me laugh. Really laugh. I didn't think I would be laughing any time soon this season but his wild gestures, his frustration with Selim and his "just listen to me for once" - all of that was funny to watch.

Just like I said, Akgün was supportive and tried being there for everyone, that's why he was immediately on board with the wedding. Soner had to only ask and it's like the three years of not having seen each other were erased in that moment. Akgün didn't try to talk Soner out of it, didn't ask any questions. He did remind Soner of the consequences but it was very cautious, filled with love and concern, without overstepping and disrespecting Soner's choice.

Then there was Yağmur... Akgün and Soner going to search for her and then the moment when Akgün found Yağmur in that storage room - that was for sure the highlight of the episode for me. First we saw Akgün and Soner working together as a well-oiled machine. Perfect partners in crime 😎 And after they split, the moment when Akgün stopped for a second and just smelled Yağmur... Damn. Such a parallel to Yağmur smelling him in episode 22. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, what they've been through, how much they've changed, doesn't matter if there's anger and pain and so much unsaid between them - they still just feel each other. Their connection is there, strong as ever. And Alperen totally knocked it out of the park, showing Akgün's panic and raw fear the moment he found Yağmur. He'd never seen her like that and it shook him to the core. I swear he looked ready to cut his chest open, take out his heart or, I don't know, lungs and give to Yağmur, just to make it stop, just to make her okay again 😭😭😭

When Naz tried to tell Akgün about Yağmur and what she had been through, Akgün didn't want to hear it. Because he couldn't bear it. But in the end he was forced to witness Yağmur's breakdown. The first one of many others to come. And when they come, he won't be able to stay away any longer.

Yağmur

Yağmur's journey this season is all about healing and acceptance. She has to live through those 5 stages of grief. Just like Meredith Grey once said: "There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us. But there are always five". And I already said in my episode 22 review that Yağmur locked herself in denial. Naz in her conversation with Akgün confirmed it. But ever since Akgün showed up in the restaurant, it's like the floodgates of Yağmur's grief have been open. She started spiralling, diving head first into anger. All her anger was directed at Akgün. And even though Yağmur came to visit Akgün in prison to say that she was no longer angry with him, her biting words, the "I don't love you anymore" and the following panick attack - all of that only proves that she's still just as angry with him as she was, simply because she's still very much in love with him.

I think Yağmur's bargaining stage of grief revealed itself with Naz, when Yağmur went to the hotel to bring Naz home. In Yağmur's head there is this idea that she has to protect Naz, she's convinced that she can save her cousin from suffering Canan's fate. But Naz refused to go with Yağmur, therefore making Yağmur feel helpless and maybe even abandoned. Already in this fragile and vulnerable state, Yağmur completely lost it after having heard gunshots. She finally started accepting that something's wrong. And it's so important that, when she finally said the words "I don't recognize myself anymore", Akgün was the one she said those words to. It's like she had been waiting for him all this time. Naz told Akgün that Yağmur needed someone to tell her what had happened to her. Akgün's that someone. Only with Akgün back in her life, Yağmur will finally accept her mother's death and then start moving on.

Selim

I don't have much to say about Selim in episode 23 other than a string of curses 🤬🤬🤬.

I've never loved this character and barely even liked him. Canan made him bearable and with her gone... Well, we've got what we saw in the last episode. I wonder how he was never kicked out of his job. Not only was he completely unhinged but also absolutely stupid and unprofessional during that mission with Sare. Then him forcing Akgün to choose between himself and Soner. And of course him storming into Yağmur and Emel's house, yelling and demanding to see Naz. Mister, it's not your place to demand anything, let alone act all righteous and question Emel as a mother. I swear, I wanted to rip his tongue out 😠😡😤

That's pretty much all I have to say about Selim in the last episode. Well, I've got more to say but I don't see it moving forward without me spitting profanities and turning violent.

A few honourable mentions:

🖤 Naz and her attempt to talk to Akgün about Yağmur.

🖤 Sare was kinda funny and she deserved a cookie for putting up with Selim. Glad they didn't make her stupid and she figured out that she was being followed.

🖤 Cihan trying to help Yağmur with her panick attack was very sweet. It was a nice first meeting. Although him being her secret admirer is kinda creepy and makes zero sense for now. I really hope they're going to show how it all started. Speaking of Cihan. I'm kinda conflicted about him. On the one hand, he's sweet and gentle with Yağmur, pretty hot when he was speaking German but also cunning and cold-blooded when he tipped off the Mertoğlu about Soner's whereabouts. And in episode 24 he's going to team up with Akgün to avenge Soner?��� Damn, the guy's making my head spin.

And that's pretty much it. Görüşürüz!

[wherevermyway]

the FiVE:RACHA project (1/7) // black mirror AU // 18+

chapter one: freedom series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairings: lee minho x kim seungmin | hwang hyunjin x lee felix x yang jeongin | bang chan x seo changbin x han jisung rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: creator chose not to use archive warnings, descent into madness, horror, thriller, technological implants, blood and gore, alcohol abuse, some sexual content in later chapters but it’s not, like, smut. word count: 3,101 also on AO3

PS: i made a carrd for this. check it out if you’re interested!

originally posted: 26 december 2020

Several years ago, five men created a website for South Korea's international rap sensation, 3RACHA. The website, The FiVE:RACHA Project, was almost as popular as the group themselves. About two years after the website went live, FiVE:RACHA had the opportunity to meet 3RACHA.

Immediately after they meet, the members of FiVE:RACHA and 3RACHA go missing. The FiVE:RACHA Project website is down. Their Twitter account has been deactivated, and 3RACHA stops posting. A few months after their meetup, it was announced that 3RACHA had disbanded. Nobody knows what happened to either group.

Nobody knows, until now.

For some, modern day fame comes at a price that is too high to pay.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

// note: with other darker stuff i post, i’m not totally sure i’ll post the entirety of this fic on tumblr. if not, i’ll do a little notice post for people interested to keep following it on AO3.

...Do you wish to proceed? To learn the truth of FiVE:RACHA and 3RACHA?

What is the true price of fame?

A Foreword:

Several years ago, there was a fan site, The FiVE:RACHA Project, dedicated to South Korea’s most famous rap group, 3RACHA. One day, it went down without notice. The site, as well as their Twitter account with over four million followers, was almost as well-known as the rap group itself.

3RACHA mysteriously disbanded several months after FiVE:RACHA went down. Nobody has seen or heard from the members of either group since the disbandment. There are several theories and myths surrounding the disappearances of both groups, but most of them are incorrect.

Be aware that, no, FiVE:RACHA did not go down because the site moderators were bored of 3RACHA. No, 3RACHA did not disband because Supreme Entertainment was about to collapse due to widespread fraud and their political scandals within the Korean government.

The stories of FiVE:RACHA and 3RACHA are very much deeply intertwined within each other, and the truth is uncomfortable to witness.

This novel’s authors, comprised of some of the most loyal fans of both groups, will remain anonymous and stay in hiding due to fear of being caught by the one responsible for the disappearances. An individual outside of our group found a Shinyu of someone involved in this, someone discarded in the Han River many years ago. How the implant survived with no living host for so long is beyond remarkable.

In case the Shinyu is defunct or replaced by the time you’re reading this, allow us to explain. The name comes from “close friend” in Japanese, likely as a play on words for how close the implant gets to its host, both physically and socially. The Shinyu was created in Tokyo in 2025; it is a small technological implant embedded under the skin of the right side of everyone’s temples.

Everyone has one placed at thirteen, and it encodes all of our visual, tactile, and auditory data, syncing it to our phones and uploading it to personal servers in the cloud. The data is encrypted, and requires access from both the Shinyu and the phone to decipher. It allows us to integrate technology into our daily lives, records our memories and important moments, but there is a price we all pay for this. Critics have been outspoken about this since its inception, but the governments never listened.

Alas, we digress. The Shinyu is vital to uncovering so much information that has been hidden and speculated on after all this time. Regardless of our personal opinions regarding the ethics of the device, we are grateful that we were able to obtain one of the implants. It has been vital to connect a lot of the missing pieces of the greater picture.

The authors have spent years decoding the information from this implant. Thanks to an anonymous source, we were able to obtain the personal computer of someone in FiVE:RACHA, personal cell phones of both groups, access to the database of Supreme Entertainment and its defunct myIdol data, some declassified legal information, and archives of both FiVE:RACHA and 3RACHA’s Twitter accounts.

Why have we chosen to extrapolate all of this data in the form of a novel? Perhaps we would like it to serve as a modern day parable for the plights of technology being so intricately interwoven between us all now. We, as humans, are now one with technology. Technology is literally embedded into us. It is astounding that technology allows us to interact so closely with famed idols now, beyond some barriers that critics have denounced for being inappropriate or unhealthy.

Some of us may pay the ultimate price for this.

Some of us, unfortunately, already have.

However interconnected we are with technology and how close we can get to those of which we idolize in society, though, humans will still crave entertainment. That is why this was written almost as a work of fiction. Those that pay attention to the story will be rewarded. Maybe not immediately, and maybe only after self-reflection, but readers will be rewarded. That much can be promised.

Above all else, we cannot stress enough that modern day fame and convenience comes at a price that is too high for some to pay. Stay safe, err on the side of caution. Disconnect from your Shinyu if you choose to proceed any further, because you never know who is watching.

— Curators of The FiVE:RACHA Project

One: Freedom

Nobody really knows who exactly manages FiVE:RACHA, just that it’s a group of five fans that run a fansite for the popular rap group 3RACHA. Their website is the most well-known and widely used out of the millions of fans that are out there. It always has live updates for the members: Bang Chan, Seo Changbin, and Han Jisung. There are daily paparazzi photos of at least one of them slapped up on the front page, embedded social media posts from each of the members updated as soon as they post, and hard-to-find facts about each of them.

Hell, one of the FiVE:RACHA members went through and coded up a section of the site dedicated to decoding natal charts for each of the members. Again, like most things about FiVE:RACHA, the source of this information was a mystery. Nobody’s sure exactly how they obtained 3RACHA’s birth times and locations. Some had speculated that it happened the same day the government had announced that there was a security breach of some of their databases, because the timing was oddly convenient.

To most casual fans, it sometimes felt really fucking weird to have so much information on idols readily available at their fingertips. However, to 3RACHA’s most dedicated, most obsessed fans, it was perfect. Exactly what they wanted. Their work seemed well-appreciated by the broader community, since the amount of Twitter followers FiVE:RACHA had was comparable to 3RACHA’s following, nearly half of their total count: 4,100,000 to 8,500,000.

There was nothing else that could compare to the controlled insanity that The FiVE:RACHA Project had to offer.

The FiVE:RACHA website was an international sensation, known to most 3RACHA fans, even those that opposed it. There was even a small, but growing, fanbase for the members of FiVE:RACHA, something that was slightly worrisome to them, but they had remained anonymous for so long, they weren’t really overtly concerned over it.

“This article is bullshit, man. ‘Controlled insanity’? None of this is controlled, it’s just insanity.”

Idle hums and trills of various electronics thrum in a dark room. Two young men stare at several computer monitors in a daze, lost in their own worlds as a ticker tape-like feed of coding and statistics flew past them on screen.“Let ‘em talk, dude,” the younger-looking man with blue hair scoots away from his computer and sighs. “Fuckin’ gossip rags. Anyway, I can’t stare at this CSS anymore. I can’t figure out why the embedded feeds are busted. Can you take over on this, Seung?”

The slightly older man with short, shaggy black hair rolls his neck, snapping some joints, not bothering to look away from his screens. “Yeah, yeah,” he stops poring over the article written about them on one screen, tabbing away to another. He cracks the knuckles in his fingers, and waves his hand in the air as he taps a couple of keys on his keyboard. “Go take a break, Jeongin. Hyunjin was looking for you, anyways. Probably got something good from a source of his, since he’s in one of his giddy moods.”

As Seungmin settles into his work, Jeongin chuckles as he stands up and stretches. He takes a couple steps over to the other computer desk and pats the older man on the back. “Thanks, dude,” he says with a smile and walks out of the server room, out into the hallway that leads into the open living room of their flat. The ambient humming of the room stops as he shuts the door, now replaced by the sound of his feet shuffling, the muffled noises echoing against the hardwood floor.

Five men all lived and worked in this large apartment together: Yang Jeongin, Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin, Lee Felix, and Lee Minho. Collectively, this was where they lived and breathed The FiVE:RACHA Project. Running the largest, most extensive fansite for South Korea’s most famous rap group, 3RACHA, was more than a full-time job. They all equally poured their hearts and souls into maintaining the website and their Twitter account. It proved to be almost too much for five people alone to handle as their shifts sometimes went from twelve hours and bled into sixteen, sometimes twenty-four hour shifts.

Minho, the leader, didn’t trust anyone but the original five to the project, however. Jeongin could hear the oldest man’s airy voice echo in his ears: “I trusted the four of you with this. Now, it’s devolved into something I don’t even recognize. There’s no way anyone deserves to see what we’ve done. Imagine if it got out that we were the ones in charge of this monstrosity?”

Jeongin glided into the kitchen, and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, eyeing the time. 13:36. He had another hour left of his shift, and he was exhausted after yesterday’s all-nighter. 33 hours of work, with only a small nap in between was rough on anyone, and he was starting to feel it, physically. His Shinyu Implant would ping him once every hour that he was very low on sleep, reminding him that it was unhealthy to go without sleep for so long and that he would not be able to drive. As he slinked his way to the fridge, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and yawned. He opened the fridge, the contents in the shelves of the door clattering as they abruptly shifted around.

The first thing he saw was a bottle of unsweetened coffee and, while he knew he shouldn’t drink caffeine within a few hours of hopeful sleep, Jeongin went against his instincts and reached for the bottle anyways. As he opened it, the cracking of the seal reverberated against all of the hard surfaces and sounded much louder than it should have, startling the man awake a bit.

He hated unsweetened coffee, but there was no way he would make it through another hour or so of coding maintenance without it. Jeongin polished off the entire bottle within seconds, grimacing in disgust the entire time. He tapped his right temple twice, and grumbled. “Set reminder, after work: grocery shopping. Have Hyunjin drive. Add to list: energy drinks. The good kind, none of that berry-flavoured shit.” A very faint, nearly inaudible ding responds after he’s done speaking, and Jeongin moves to discard the bottle into the recycling bin.

“Innie?” Almost as if the devil himself heard Jeongin’s request, a familiar voice rounded the corner of the kitchen. “Oh, good, I thought that was you. Anyway, you won’t believe the content I got from Yeji at Seoul Scoop, dude,” the lanky, beacon-like blond grins wildly at Jeongin, walking into the kitchen. “I actually got a photo of Chan and Changbin looking awfully close at KNECT’s backstage event a couple days ago. Think they were celebrating their recent win a little too hard.”

Hyunjin proudly slaps a grainy photo down on the countertop, where Changbin is sitting in Chan’s lap, arms wrapped around the older man’s neck. Sure, it could easily be explained away as friendly closeness, since everyone knew that all of the guys were very close friends, and the area was cramped. The photo, however, would cause a lot of panic within the community.

Jeongin smirked as he eyed the photo, taking it into his fingers and bringing it up close to his face. “The shippers are going to have a field day over this, you know.”

“I know,” Hyunjin shakes some of his hair out of his face as he arrogantly places a hand on his hip, shifting his weight to one side. “It’ll be great traffic for the site. I’ll have Seungmin put it on the front page later.” He takes a couple of steps closer to Jeongin and pulls the younger man to his chest, stroking his hair down. “I love you, but you look like shit. Why not call it a little early today?”

Jeongin shook his head, burying his nose into the older man’s shoulder, letting his eyes flutter shut with a sigh. “Seungmin and I are trying to fix a string of broken code that’s causing the social media feed to bug out a little bit. Definitely wanna have that fixed before we upload this.”

A clattering of keys startles both of the younger men, causing them to look behind Hyunjin. “Don’t worry about it, Jeongin,” a third voice speaks from the entrance of the kitchen. “Seriously, you worked really hard yesterday, and I’m sure we’ll manage. I’ll be sure to wake up Felix a little earlier and we’ll fix the coding.”

“You’re home early, Minho,” Jeongin chuckles once as he nods. “Figured you’d be stuck in the office for a few more hours.”

“Nah,” Minho dismissively waves his hand in the air as he walks over to the sink, rinsing his hands. “Seungmin called me earlier and said you were nodding off at your desk, asked me to come home early.”

A look of guilt washed over Jeongin’s face. “Shit, my bad.”

“Don’t apologize,” Minho smiles as he towels off his hands. “I appreciate all of the work you did yesterday; completely revamping the social media section was hard. But I can’t have you possibly miscode something and have it break the site because you’re running low on sleep. You’ve started getting pings, haven’t you?”

Jeongin sheepishly nods his head and mumbles an affirmation.

Hyunjin rolls his eyes and elbows the young man in the side. “I thought I told you to take a nap, dude?”

“I did!” Jeongin whines. “It was, like, a half-hour, though.”

Both Hyunjin and Minho roll their eyes at Jeongin. “Get out of here,” Minho scoffs, walking towards the server room. “Go to bed. I don’t wanna see you back in the server room until tomorrow morning.”

Jeongin opens his mouth to protest, but Hyunjin drags him away, up the stairs towards their bedroom. A ping comes from his implant, a transparent box popping up in the lower right-hand corner of his vision. The soft voice of the AI reverberates against his skull, allowing him to hear it as if it were a real voice whispering into his ear. It reads off the notification from his display.

“Movement away from workplace detected. Reminder: grocery shopping later, have Hyunjin drive. Would you like me to pull up your list?”

“No.” A low grumble comes up from Jeongin’s throat as he taps his temple twice to dismiss the notification. “Hyunjin,” he sighs, “we’ve gotta go grocery shopping.”

“You’re too tired,” Hyunjin shakes his finger without turning to look at Jeongin. “The grocery store will still be there tomorrow.”

“I’m out of my energy drinks, though,” the younger man protests.

Hyunjin smiles, opening the door to their bedroom and whispers. “I’ll be sure to get some for you. Go cuddle up with Felix and get some sleep.”

“Hyunjin, I—” Jeongin is cut off as the older man grabs his wrist, pulling him into his chest. They share a brief kiss before Hyunjin guides him into the bedroom.

“Shh, Lixie is sleeping.”

There’s a shuffling that comes from the bedsheets, and a sleepy voice grumbles. “Not anymore.”

“Aw, mornin’, babe,” Hyunjin says with a smile. “Sorry to wake you. Minho’s probably gonna come ask for you in a bit, anyways, though.”

Felix rolls over, sitting upright as he runs his hands through his brassy blond hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jeongin sighs as he makes his way over to the bed, bringing an arm up to the blond and wrapping him in a lazy hug as he pulls them down to the bed.

The blond lets out a soft laugh. “Don’t worry about it, man,” he turns his head to face the bluenette and offers him a quick peck on the lips. “I couldn’t sleep much, anyways. Finding out about that myIdol rumour yesterday had my brain going kind of wild.”

“You heard about it too, huh?” Hyunjin says, colliding down onto the bed opposite of Felix. “Someone at Seoul Scoop told me about it this morning. It lets fans connect with their idols, like they’re actually directly messaging them.”

“That’s weird,” the bluenette sleepily grumbles into Felix’s shoulder.

“I think so, too.” Felix says with a frown as he nuzzles his head against Jeongin’s forehead, staring up into the ceiling.

Hyunjin shrugs with indifference. “I dunno, I think it’s pretty interesting.”

Jeongin lifts his head and stares down Hyunjin with a smirk. “You just want to pretend like Changbin cares about you.”

The older blond frowns as he flips off Jeongin. “Like you wouldn’t want Jisung to send you a ‘Have a wonderful day, bestie!’ message?”

The youngest member flops back down onto the bed. “Okay, that’s fair. It’s still weird, though. Seems so artificial and fake, I guess.”

“Well,” Hyunjin sits up, offering a hand out to Felix, “I’ll have more information on it tomorrow, probably. Why don’t you let yourself sleep for a while?” Felix takes the hand offered to him, and both men stand up. “Lixie and I will go out and get some groceries and get you those nasty energy drinks you like so much.”

Jeongin grumbles as he wiggles his way up to the pillows, half-asleep and irritated from the loss of warmth from Felix. “Just not the berry ones, okay?”

“I’ll see what we can do,” Hyunjin says with a smirk before he spins on his heel and walks out of the room. “Love you, Innie!”

“Don’t worry,” Felix leans down to kiss Jeongin’s forehead, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get the kinds you hate. Let yourself actually sleep, too. We’ll make it all work out, okay?”

Jeongin mutters some sort of incoherent affirmation as he lets his heavy eyelids flutter shut. Seungmin would be able to fix the CSS by himself, he figured, trying not to worry too much about how broken small parts of the site were. He heard Felix say something else as he quickly faded off into sleep, but it didn’t register fully as he sank into the abyss.

There were a lot of sleepless nights ahead of them, whether FiVE:RACHA felt it coming or not.

[najatheangel]

Written Ship 🐶

Hey luv! I was wondering if I could do a written ship request for enhypen , txt, and nct dream ?

I’m a 5’5 skinny south Asian girl with layered long wavy dark hair (as in it goes down to my waist but I swear it’s healthy thanks to coconut oil )and dark eyes . I absolutely adore the color yellow oml it’s just one of those colors that makes me happy but at the same time I’m like indecisive cuz every color has its own vibes but i wine with yellow a lot . And for seasons idk I feel every season have something new it brings to the table so I can’t choose.. but I kinda like the colder seasons cuz I can wear my cozy sweaters lol. I’ve been doing classical dance for about 10 years and recently started doing urban for the past 3. I’m also learning contemporary cuz why not lol. I’m also such a art geek like I love to paint, draw, and even write from time to time. As for sports I do tennis oh and mbti type is ENFP . Sun sign Scorpio, moon in Aquarius, and rising Leo. [...]

 I hope you’re having a good day and thank you for ur time ! 💞

@golden-fields-with-berries Hello darling thanks sooo much for requesting it was lovely getting to know you. Sorry you had to wait so long school is really has really been a pain in the ass lately and I had to get extra study time. Anyways enough of that here ya go boo…✨⭐️

From Enhypen, I ship you with…Jungwon

Positive Side: Your relationship will last a longtime. First of all, your both very talented in the area of dancing and have enough experience to the point where it can take you to big places in your careers. Your both very straight forward, focused and would use good strategies to accomplish goals together as partners. Communication between ESTJ and ENFP personality types tend to focus a lot on the big picture when it comes to real life experiences, each other’s history and facts on certain topics rather than theories. It’s a good thing, because your constantly keeping it real with each other and being realistic which can help for the both of you when it comes to making big decisions. As far as your interactions together, you both feed of each other’s energy. You both resemble golden retriever’s in a sense getting excited over going on dates, hanging out with each others friends and seeing each other enjoying a hobby together. He enjoys seeing you playing tennis with him even though he knows he you win every game and seeing you get excited about showing your artwork your artwork to him which made him super soft for you. Jungwon is the more younger and charming one in the relationship so he doesn’t fail to sweep you off your feet and will continue to prove himself to you how worthy of a boyfriend and support system he can be for you. 

Negative Side: With him being the Aquarius and you being the Scorpio, it was hard at first to become a couple, because you both have similarities yet some differences which can be hard to accept. The differences I’m referring to can relate to your expectations and values when it comes building relationships. For example, Jungwon would want someone that thinks more with their mind mean while you would want someone that thinks more out of their heart. These small differences can cause some intense debates and question your both able to survive this relationship. It almost even cause you guys to break up because of this big divide between you two that’s hard to adjust.

But…: Because your both so different from each other, doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. At the end of the day, you both have love for each other and would help each other change for the better. It makes it a lot easier to agree to disagree and learn to respect each other views in life a little bit more. You might not be the most compatible in other people’s eyes, but you both know the what’s best for each other and would rather stick around with each other. 

From Txt, I ship you with…Soobin

Positive Side: Very interesting loveable duo. Your both people that have a love and obsession with knowledge and learning new things whether it has to do with science, biology, psychology, etc…In the area you both click the most in is art and music. Of course you have more knowledge in the art department, but of course Soobin is all ears and will hear you talk for hours about the latest artwork from your favorite artists. He also love when you give him your most honest feedback on his songs because it helps him give suggestions to his other members and produce more better music to their fans. The relationship between Scorpio’s and Sagittarius tend to have a more stable connection and meet each other’s needs in a relationship. Soobin would give his input on certain situations your having trouble with whether it involves you messing up in school or getting into an argument with a friend. He tries the break down what you did wrong in the situation and how you can fix it without hurting their your feelings. Whenever he comes across an issue dealing with a scandal in his career or have any doubts within himself, you turn a negative into a positive and remind him why he’s in the music industry in first place. This bond overall is for the most part something you cherish for the rest of your young lifes. 

Negative Side: Scorpios tend to have a hard time trusting people they’re closest to. Soobin is the one that’s more adventurous when it comes to traveling with you and coming up with more creative ways by expressing his love for you. The fact that his love for you is so strong, he’s constantly afraid that once he makes one mistake, there is no running back to you. Not saying that your extra strict on Soobin, but because trust is so important to you if Soobin ever lies, hides or betrays you on something huge then it’s hard to rebuild that bond you both worked so hard on building. Your biggest fear is almost similar where your afraid that because your so different from him, that it would be hard for Soobin to adjust. 

But: Your both very honest and straight to the point that you both don’t have to worry about breaking that level of trust with each other. After staying together with him longer than a year all your worries start to wash away and you both finally can live stress free as a couple. Sometimes you still have your disagreements and blow outs, but it always ends on a high note. Soobin is the light that helps guide you to the right direction and your the 

From Nct Dream, I ship you with…Renjun

Positive Side: Renjun is probably the best match out of everyone on this list. To start it off Scorpios get along very well with Aries because they have a very strong sexual chemistry. Depending on how they feel at that moment in time, the relationship starts off as lust and then love. In the case of Renjun being on the more innocent side and little experience with dating, it’s no secret that he wouldn’t deny his feelings for you out of love. From your point of you you enjoy having him around, admire his intelligence and his ability to stay committed to you while living his dream. Just like Soobin, you both love having deep conversations about each others hobbies, conspiracy theories and personal insecurities that your both struggling with. You are also very protective of each other and don’t ever take shit from anybody. If anyone tries to flirt with you or disrespect, Renjun would shut that down immediately scolding that person. You both think off of emotion and crave that when it comes to becoming affectionate with each other. Your both not the best with words, but better with actions. He’s multitalented in the art and music department as well so any art project or dance cover you wanted to work on together, Renjun won’t hesitate to join in with you. Both of your biggest deal breaker is tolerating liars and people that sneak around. Lastly, your level of trust is the most balanced out of everyone on the list, because you both can be clingy and jealous sometimes, but not to the point where it’s hurting your relationship. 

Negative Side: When it comes to communication Renjun can be a fire cracker. Sometimes he can be very impatient and wants answers right away when it comes to having those deep conversations with you sometimes. Just like I mentioned earlier, you can be talking about how happy you are in your relationship with him and Renjun would either have a hard time expressing his emotions back by playfully brushing it off or pretend like he didn’t hear what you were saying which would hurt you. You wish sometimes Renjun would be better at expressing his love back at you with words as simple as “I love you too.” You both also try to be strong infront of each other and can’t sense what the other person is feeling half of the time.

But: Renjun is someone that can keep you on your feet and would always show signs of his love for you. Somedays he can be clingy and constantly texting because he’s missed you all day. When he shows small yet meaningful gestures it makes you 10x happier. Your friendship and faith in each other what helps your relationship last much longer with him. Remember if you didn’t experience bad days with him, you wouldn’t have good ones. :)

Out of everyone I ship you the most with…Renjun💎

[verse50]

How can a gentlemen show attention to his lady on a regular basis without looking needy ?

What an absolutely beautiful question. Thank you for sending it in. 

First, let’s address the “needy” part. Today it’s very cool to shame people for being needy and the definition can vary from person to person. I think there are two ways to approach it.

Healthy needy. Humans are social animals. We are biologically wired to need physical touch, communication, and facial expressions to navigate our relationships and build connection. This is how we create a functioning society. We use our bodies to connect. We talk, look, touch, and feel the world around us. Personally, we need clear communication, respect, boundaries (social and intimate), kindness, affection, compassion, honesty, and morals to build good relationships. Never allow someone to accuse you of being “needy” when you want any of those things. It’s ok to ask your partner to speak in a lower tone of voice so you don’t get scared. It’s ok to text “I really miss your arms around me, can’t wait to see you.” It’s ok to stop a sexual encounter because any or all of the participants feel uncomfortable. A healthy needy person wants to connect with someone on a deeper level and respect the feelings that both of them have.

Unhealthy needy. This comes from fear and insecurity. I also believe it is one of the main triggers for domestic violence. Here, someone is mistrustful/angry/shamed inside and projects this to their relationship, trying to fix everything the wrong way. They get controlling. “Give me your phone. Where were you? I texted and you didn’t text back right away. Where did you get that jacket? You weren’t wearing it when you left the house.” They stalk, sulk, and create terror. It starts slow but builds up. Conversely, this needy can also show up as extreme anxiety and the inability to trust in the reality of a good relationship. After a time the mistrust erodes the good. This person is an empty well of need. No matter what you do, it is not good enough.

So, we want our need to create connection, not separation. Healthy need allows the self to be vulnerable and reach out for that connection in meaningful ways.

Daily routine. A couple is going to have some sort of routine with work, kids, school, hobbies, etc. Your day should be built so the relationship is noticed and supported within the routine. This means you become teammates and try to relieve the stress of life. Do you work opposite shifts? Come home at 2 and she comes home at 5? Have agreements on division of labor. Pull your weight. You might take care of all house stuff and she is the car person. Think about what would make her/your life easier. You might get up early and clean the snow off her car while she takes a shower. You can take the kids to the park while she studies for the exam. Ask her “what can I do to help you” then listen to the answer. Notice her achievements. Praise her for things that have nothing to do with her body. 

Affection. All women crave touch from a partner they love and trust. Incorporate touch into every aspect of your life. Walk together and hold her hand. Skin on skin in bed. Touch her arm during conversation. Hold her face when you kiss her. Brush her hair. Massage her feet/hands/neck. Arm around her waist and tuck her hand into your elbow. Wrap her up in a towel out of the shower. Snuggles on the couch. These touches are the stars that make up the galaxy of deeper sexual touch. 

Words. Some guys are not big talkers, I get that. You can talk in voice or writing. I’ve even heard of guys who have a tough time saying “I love you” coming up with a code that means that, e.g. three hand squeezes means “I love you.” Any way you do it, she wants to hear you. “I was thinking about you this morning. That shirt looked sexy on you. I heard you talking to my Dad, I know he is difficult but you were so kind to him. You are my best friend. I love kissing you. Can’t wait for our weekend together. I got hard just thinking about those beautiful eyes looking at me. I need to feel your hands on me.” If it makes you feel good to think it, it will make her feel good to hear it.

Responsibility. Women these days are busy. We have families, careers, are caregivers for elderly parents, have school schedules, hobbies, and fitness routines. The best thing you can do is not mess up the good she is trying to do in her life. Take care of your shit. Don’t spend $3000 at the strip club when she is scraping pennies together for a new car. Don’t burn the house down trying to be an unlicensed electrician. Don’t sign the kids up for classes without a conversation about who is going to transport them for it. Don’t drink and drive. Be a good person. Find ways to elevate your character and it will automatically add to her life.

Notice. She has a body. mind, goals, dreams and ideas. You might not know all of these very well. Notice what she reveals and ask questions to learn more. You don’t need to control or give advice unless she wants it. Just support. Again, ask “how can I help you with this” and listen. She has a life attached to you and parts that are hers alone. Even if she doesn’t need help, celebrate her uniqueness and efforts. Value who she is as a person, not just her relationship to you.

Rituals. This is the bread and butter for D/s. Check-ins, greetings, honorifics, rules. In general, think of ways you can build a structure with her. Is there a Friday night movie? Do you spend lunch break together once a week? Do you write a love note and leave it on her steering wheel? Always get her an orange when you go to Walmart? The smallest thing done on a consistent basis means the world to her.

I hope this is a good starting point. I’m sure the fans will have some great ideas as well. Do think about checking out my Patreon and Instagram. Couples love reading my stories together before bed.

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

A Message

A Message

I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest for a while now. With the current climate of a lot of situations and I just feel I should speak up to a larger audience. First, my impromptu hiatus. It wasn’t something I was prepared for or expecting but over the course of a few months I felt as though I was getting worse and worse. I didn’t quite know what it was but I just kept losing an interest in activities like writing the headcanons. I thought it was burnout at the start but that’s really scratching the surface of the bigger issue at hand. Just one by one things in my day to day life started losing their charms that I enjoyed and only recently did they blow up out of proportions for me since it has just felt it’s been piling more and more. It was getting to points where leaving the house for tasks felt like too much effort for not much pay off. While it sounds difficult things have been making an upward swing because I’m not going to try and keep those feelings bottled up anymore and just be more clear about what I am feeling. I’ve managed to re-establish important connections to people and I am trying my best.

For those of you probably wondering, I’m not sure if it exactly is depression. I don’t like using that word and I haven’t really consulted an expert on the matter since I’m not sure why I got like that so bad. I’ve never liked calling what I have depression because it feels a little like I’m just saying it for the sake of trying to get in with the buzz words or something. And to be honest it’s terrifying to think that you have something like that. It’s mortifying to think that something like that can be with you without ever realizing it was there to begin with and never really being able to be rid of it. The word just has a lot of serious connotations so I don’t like to just toss it around so casually. But those around me have spoken to are claiming that it is. I’m not saying this to get any sort of excuses or sympathy from people but rather hopes that this can maybe make someone’s day just a bit better. That you might think you’re alone, but really you’re not. All you have to do is to just find someone who can listen. Those are the first steps to getting out of your own doubts and anxieties.

This next part is about a lot of allegations that have been flying out on Twitter lately. In the broad YouTuber community, the Smash community- even the smaller communities like the Fire Emblem community that I like to believe I’m part of- are all swept up in turmoil because of stories coming forward about abuse, betrayal, sexual misconduct, etc etc. I get worried that the western fan base of Housamo might get caught up in it as well because of everyone coming forward and to some extent you can argue it’s a matter of time before a few people with their stories come forward. I want to say that first, all of our condolences should go to the victims of these tragic outcomes and the best way to support these people is by using your stance in the community to send a message. You don’t need to go on long rants (like this one) or put someone on blast for something that you don’t have much connection to do. All you need to do is choose who you promote and elevate in the communities you are a part of. These influencers really only have a voice because we as a community have given those people a voice. It’s important to remember that you’re support is the most important to an influencer. I know I’m nothing special and I’m a bit run of the mill with my headcanons and fanfics, but I’ll forever be happy that there are people out there just willing to give my stuff a chance because it fills that niche itch or because someone just genuinely likes what I create. Despite what I said earlier about my will to write losing it’s charm but I do mean it when I say I smile a bit more when I start to look past the doubt and think that maybe one person liked it. That’s the feeling a lot of content creators should remember. We have a platform, no matter how big or small, because of the communities we are a part of.

The reason I wanted to bring all this up is because a lot of the allegations coming forward towards certain individuals have hit… a bit close to home for me. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with anyone in the community. It’s a bit more personal than that. I don’t want to go into the details for the sake of just not disgusting anyone publicly nor to drudge up too many old memories that just make me well up with regret. This next part is more to either help those who don’t understand just hopefully understand a bit better or to those who do unfortunately understand to feel less alone and powerless in their situations.

When in a situation like that, it’s not so much what the person did that’s the most damaging thing. Yes that person’s actions are genuinely terrible and anyone who does those things doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged, but the worse thing that can happen is that sense of betrayal and fear that overtakes you when these things happen. That constant fear when you’re around them that they were going to get at you in ways no one else could. It’s that craving to just get away from the person who wronged you. A desire to just forget and move on. I still remember that anxiety I’d get whenever I’d just lay eyes on that someone and that need to turn heel and just get away. It’s all psychological and emotional what these events do to people that haunt them. All because a feeling of guilt. Not a guilt that’s always genuine. A guilt someone forces you into by telling you all the times they’ve done nice things for you, or guilting you by turning your words against you, or guilting you by dangling their life over your head or even just throwing pity parties- the truth is there’s a number of reasons.

So in short, I’m not sure when the next wave of headcanons will be coming (hoping for this weekend). It’s a scary time and a lot of folks are going to be uncertain as to what they should do, you might even be afraid yourself. Just remember that you have control in what you do in communities and fandoms and its up to you to support what you believe in and what not to do. Remember you’re also not alone even if you feel like it.

I hope I never feel compelled to write a long sort of rant thing like this ever again because this is definitely not what I want this blog to focus on. This was a lot heavier stuff that’s been weighing on my mind and I felt I needed to get it out of my system more than through private chats. Thank you for giving this post a read, I know it isn’t what you expected but I hope that at the very least it helped someone out there. Or maybe I just wasted your time on a topic you didn’t care for to begin with. To each your own.

[cabin-fever-bang]

Campfire Stories (Vol. 1)

Welcome to the Cabin! We proudly present the first edition of Campfire Stories: your one-stop shop for quality quarantine content. 

We’re going to do these regularly, with in-depth reviews of everything that’s been submitted as a prompt fill and additional recommendations from the masterlists of writers who get involved. 

If you’d like to be one of those writers, just follow us, comb through our prompts, and be sure to tag us when you post! It’s that easy. We welcome all fandoms and pairings. 

This batch of reviews was cooked up by @thoughtslikeaminefield​ (MJ), @there-must-be-a-lock​ (Lou), @itmighthavebeenintentional​ (Val), @fangirlxwritesx67​ (Viv), @cracksinthewalls​ (Bri), and @mskathywriteswords​ (Kathy), but we encourage you to pass along the random acts of writer-love and reblog with your own additions! 

Pull up a seat, toast a marshmallow or two, and settle in for some excellent reading material.

Choices We Make - @becs-bunker​ - GIF prompt submitted by  @dawnie1988​ 

Pairing: Demon Dean x Female Reader

Warnings: angst, brief threat & violence, smut, language, dub con-ish, unprotected sex, orgasm denial

Words: 1374

Everyone loves a Demon!Dean fic, and this is a good one! Lots of action, lots of angst, and some really hot, awful Dean.

Honestly it all felt like some surreal nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. You just wanted Dean back, your Dean.

These lines summarize both the Demon!Dean story arc and the narrator's frame of mind so well, pulling the reader right into the perspective of the story.

“I missed you, y’know?” Dean sighed, and the naive part of you wished he was telling the truth. That somehow, deep down, he still loved you.

This is heartbreaking because it's relatable, because the author does such a good job with the narrator's voice.

Dean licked his lips and there was a familiar hunger in his green eyes that made a whole different sensation rise in your body, and it wasn’t fear.

I'm not going to quote any more lines from the story because the author has written one hell of a twist, but trust me when I said, I gasped out loud reading it. The rest of this story is an absolute roller coaster, well worth the ride.

- Viv

Come For Me - @fangirlxwritesx67​ - image prompts created and submitted by @idabbleincrazy​

Pairing: Sam Winchester x female reader 

Warnings: smut, canon level violence, fingering, first time together

Words: 3100

First, let’s talk about this aesthetic. It’s soft and beautiful, but stark and needy. I love the quotes and photos, the way they flow together. Fantastic visual prompt. "Sam Winchester?” He spoke in a theatrical, mocking tone. “Ooooh, I’m frightened." This line made me chuckle. I love the idea of what’s ahead of us. The bad guy is built up in a hilarious way. Sam is presented through the heart and mind of the narrator, you. But thinking of Sam suffused you with a warm confidence. Not for one moment did you doubt him. This confidence is contagious and warming. Meanwhile, the anxiety over the vampire lurking somewhere else, waiting to taste you… it builds in a beautiful and believable way. There’s a rush of emotions as Sam rescues you, and he’s patient and kind, even while making jokes and being the Sam you know and love. Things progress, and there’s a beautiful and sweet (okay, and hot!) sex scene, with a first time between Sam and you. All in all, a really solid piece, with some story, some tension, some sex, and a whole lot of sweetness.

- Kathy

A New Day - @becs-bunker​ - image prompt created and submitted by @there-must-be-a-lock​

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Warnings: fluff

I’ve not reviewed an image prompt before, so let’s just jump in. The first word that jumps to my mind is light, but I love how suffused and golden the whole image is. Softer, safer, intimate. There are little pinpoints of light, rays of light, shining light, and the whole thing makes me feel...well...light. Sunrise and candlelight, new day, new beginnings. 

The images chosen for Sam, the angles and features we get, are such close, personal angles and shots, giving us this tender atmosphere and setting the tone for this story: personal. Everything you're about to read is intimate, personal, and private, in such a lovely, delicate way. 

The curtains in that first shot are so filmy and ethereal, and the whole story feels like it’s set in a kind of golden-hazed forest. And, let’s face it, any sort of vacation for a Winchester is a kind of fairy tale. 

I’ve managed to stay pretty much above the brow, so Imma have to dip down for a minute and just drool over Sam’s trapezius muscles. Oh. MY. GAWD.

Golden, glorious, graceful, and just a touch of gooey. Good, good, good.

So, right off the bat, let me tell you that this story is everything I’ve ever wanted for Sam, like everything the show and Chuck and the universe has ever denied him. He’s rested, he’s comforted, he’s bathed in glow (the sun, the reader’s love, all that jazz, you know?).

And then it goes and hits all my camping weaknesses. I was literally just telling someone how I’m missing my camp more than ever now. It’s been eight years since I’ve been, and this story brings back all those feelings of serenity and calm, voluntary isolation with people you more or less chose, because camp was and is my forever real home.

I know that seems a little rambly and off-topic, but the thing is, that’s what this story is for me. They aren’t at the bunker, their “home,” but they’re still home all the same, because (and, yes, you can shoot me for this) home is where your heart is, so this wonderful little cabin in the woods is home, whether they’ve been there together once or a hundred times because Sam.

And then that bit of sugar tossed in at the end...Oh, this story was good for my soul. “Warm mug of coffee on a chill morning, under a blanket” kind of good for my soul. 

It’s one of those where I would love to have so much more of these two, of this warmth between them, but I also am perfectly content to know them just in this one perfect moment forever, before the day starts, when everything is still in the “it’s about to happen and it will be great” stages. The beginning of a great new day.

Thank you. I needed this story, now more than ever.

- Val

Crash  - @myinconnelly1​ - requested by @adoptdontshoppets​ for @idreamofplaid​ aesthetic

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings: smut, fluff

Words: 810

The first thing that draws my eye in the aesthetic is the linked fingers. I love pinky links (I’m sure there’s a less cutesy way to say it, but I like it; sue me). They’re sweet, and really personal. You’ve got super tough Dean Winchester who isn’t embarrassed or afraid of intimate, goofy gestures. In fact, I feel like that would one hundred percent be Dean in a relationship: Dean is a giant ball of goofy, intimate gestures. 

I love the choices of relaxed, bearded Dean/Jensen paired with the casual, cool color palette immediately set me at ease. This isn’t going to be a terrifying, angsty ordeal. This is going to be calm, soothing, sensual. 

And the roses, the sand, the surf, the candlelight, the pokey palm tree fronds...I can hear, smell, feel every bit of these images. The golden-pink wine...ugh. This whole experience is a trip to paradise.

I love how all five senses are emphasized and made equally important. It gives us so much more connection to the moment, makes it that much more intimate. The constant crashing of the waves in the background; the bittersweet chocolate; the cozy, homey image of the baking-wrecked kitchen followed by the much more erotic, candelit bedroom; and then the scent of the oil mixed with the warmth and strength of Dean’s touch.

I also love the level of comfort in the story. We have the cookies, a hard-core comfort staple. We have the warm, lazy beach setting. And the easiness these two have together: that’s the dream, my friend. I love how they have no trouble at all communicating what they want and need, how they are comfortable enough to be messy and cute and flirty and sexy, one right after the other. 

And the description is so thorough, I have no trouble at all imagining myself there, in that wonderful, relaxing moment.

This story is relaxing, decadent, soothing, and fun all at once. I am a huge fan of the ending, as well. I was smiling through the whole story, but at the end, I literally laughed aloud. And now I think I’m going to have to excuse myself to go find some chocolate chip cookies. This story gave me a couple of cravings, and as Dean Winchester is in short supply in the real world, cookies are the one I can satisfy right now.

This story is, dare I say it, such a sweet escape. 

- Val

No Sugar Added - @myinconnelly1​ - requested by @fangirlxwritesx67​ - “I’d like to see Steve Rogers from MARVEL sharing Depression-era coping tips. Maybe he vlogs how to make apple-less apple pie.” 

No pairing

Warnings: Spoilers for Infinity Wars + Endgame, mention of mental health issues

Words: 446

This was my prompt for the Cabin, and I loved what this author did with the story! A little bit of fluffy cheer.

“Hello, I’m Steve Rogers.  As many of you know, I’m also Captain America, and I was alive during another time of hard living conditions.” 

Right now, a lot of things in the world seem scary and unsettling. It's one of those times when we turn for comfort to the lessons of the past, to the wisdom of generations, and to heroes. This author does a great job with Captain America, Steve Rogers. His cooking lesson is exactly the sort of inspiring, instructional video I would love to see.

“What is that smell?”  Natasha asked as she looked behind her to see Steve walking into the office with the plate.

Because it was never about pie, apple or otherwise. It was always about comfort. Our favorite foods help with that, and so does Captain America, especially written this well.

There are some fun tidbits in this story, including a peek of history and an actual recipe!

- Viv

Communion - @thoughtslikeaminefield​ - requested by @mskathywriteswords​​ “Fluffy dean or Jensen smoking weed plz, ty”

Pairing: Dean Winchester x unnamed female character

Warnings: marijuana use, high sex, het sex, fluffy smut

Words: 1002

How do I love this? Let me count the motherfucking ways. 

First of all, the way this sucks you into the characters’ headspace is beautiful and subtle and masterfully done. It’s in the sentence structure and the flow of the words; there’s no need to describe their inner state, because it’s written into the movement of the sentences and the choice of words. She doesn’t have to say that they’re high, because you can fucking feel it in phrases like “It’s sending me off somewhere…” or “I shiver at the thoughts careening through my mind.”

Second, this is molten hot, but (as with the best smut) it’s not just some rote story of “then he was hard and we banged and it was great.” The sexy bits are unique; this isn’t the same smut you’ve read a thousand times before. It’s got its own personality and tone and voice that very much belong to this particular story. 

Also? Filth with feelings! My favorite genre! It’s deeply emotional. I am all for smut that is both dirty and tender. This is like a masterclass on how to walk that line. 

It’s such a simple premise that becomes so much more; this has things to say about Dean, about his personality, about this relationship. This takes a very specific moment and uses it as a framework for something big and meaningful. This, for example: 

When Dean has to be big, he uses his whole self. His body takes up space and his mere presence -- he can make the darkest of demons shudder with his presence alone.

But Dean’s natural state is this -- nesting, nuzzling, curled up and warm.

Yuuuup.

Also: 

His hands -- the same hands I’ve seen thrust a blade into the guts of angels and demons -- are tender, fingertips light but persistent as they slip under my tank top and splay over my belly.

It’s so intimate. This is why we read fanfic, right? To feel like we’re close to these characters that we love so much, to delve into the sides of them that we don’t get to see much in canon… this fic feels like something personal and private that we’ve been lucky enough to be let in on. 

- Lou

Deeper Than Deep Conditioner - @fangirlxwritesx67​ - requested by @awesomesusiebstuff​ “The two Sam’s (our Sam and AU Sam) maintaining their hair care routines while quarantined.”

It’s one of those days when I’m feeling too fragile for this world. What’s the best remedy to knock some sunlight into my dark mood? Today, it’s fic -- and one that makes me giggle is a bonus.

This little gem is filled with funny one-liners and side-eye moments to make you laugh out loud:

Dean dreamed of driving away, of bikini beauties on the beaches of Rio. Sam dreamed of scarves and what it would be like to have no bigger worries in the world than his hair.

The look Dean gave him would’ve curdled milk, if there was any, which there wasn’t, because Dean took his coffee black, like a man.

A touch of realism in this bizarro situation got a chuckle, too:

“Sorry, sweethearts,” alt!Dean said, “Flights are all cancelled. A virus or something.”

When Viv named the alternates Deano and Sami, I gave in and embraced the madness. I was delighted with Deano; that’s my own nickname for Dean in my head. But Sami, a most pretentious twist on Sammy? A master stroke. I was tickled.

I was fully on board with enjoying this romp through the bizarro world, but then I was taken by surprise. This little moment, a hint that Sam has been trying to make the best of their circumstances, touched me: 

“Is this really how you live?” said Sami, with a dismissive glance at his paper napkin.

“Look,” Sam answered. “I’ve done my best. It’s taken a lot to get us this far.”

I was prepared for that to be the exception to the rule -- a moment of sincerity amongst a sea of lighthearted fun. And there was plenty of fun ahead of me. The jokes come at you hard and fast in this story! But I realized the mood was steadily changing, and suddenly, I was immersed in sincerity and maybe a little sadness:

...somewhere out there, was a universe where he pampered himself...

...maybe there was a place where he could enjoy something as simple as a deep condition...

...something Sam had wanted to watch but never had time for...

...for the first time in a long time, he caught himself laughing...

I thought maybe that was it. A few moments of Sam learning to appreciate what Sami (I was still laughing at that) had to offer, instead of simply mocking his manbun and scarf (I don’t think I could ever stop mocking that, but Sam’s a better person than I am).

But no. It didn’t end there, and I still wasn’t ready. Before I knew it, I was steeped in Sam’s melancholy, his yearning for a life kinder and gentler than what he’d been given. I was truly heartbroken for him in that moment.

I won’t spoil the rest, but by the time I got to the ending, I was grateful for the funny beginning that softened the landing. I expected a comedy, but what I got really was deeper than deep conditioner.

- Bri

Dear Mr. Fantasy - @itmighthavebeenintentional​ - image prompt submitted @thoughtslikeaminefield​

Warnings: SEASON 15 SPOILERS, bit of angst. 

Words: 2157

I found the image prompt in my Tumblr feed and immediately started plotting ideas that I cannot write bc I have too many fucking WIPs so imagine my excite when one of my all-time favorite fic writers (and one of my very best friends) filled the prompt as a surprise for me!

Val tells stories with a depth and humor like no one else I’ve ever read. Her natural wit and smarts shine through her fictional words as well, and I love seeing glimpses of her in her work.

In one universe, someone neglected Baby (couldn’t have been Dean, had to’ve been Sam) to the point where she pulls slightly to the left. Dean spends the morning after that dream with a muscle tick in his cheek and a suspicious, side-eyed glare for Sam that he never bothers to explain.

Dear Mr. Fantasy is bittersweet. It is soft and rich and full of color — all the senses are here. It’s a sledgehammer of realism wrapped in velvet. And it’s so very Dean.

At forty-eight years old (none of that years young bullshit, either; he’s old, and he’s goddamn earned it)

In the midst of reading canon Dean dreaming of and admiring and protecting his favorite of his AU-selves and that version’s life, we are treated to what it would be like if he was allowed a normal life. Our devoted, brave, warm, and loving hunter as a common mechanic would be just as brave and loyal, no?

“Pretty sure she’s settled on ya, so just make sure you’re worth it.” 

So that’s what Dean did. 

But our Dean — the Real Dean as Chuck says — can’t quite let his guard down even in his dreams of another world, even if that other world is safe as houses. He’s still aware of just how unreal this reality is.

Splashes of indigo and orange paint the horizon, framing her approach in a wash of colors blending into shadows that hold no danger.

Then, he lets himself mingle with that dream, if only for a few moments and it’s bliss.

Older Dean and worn-out, monster-plagued Dean sigh together, content down to their bones. This life is it for both of them. She is it. One Dean still can’t believe his amazing luck after all these years, and the other aches at the simple, total happiness he feels honored to witness.

I love you, she whispers, and he allows himself to believe for one moment that she’s talking directly to him.

I’m not going to spoil anything for you, but I will say that you need some tissues. I cried through 90% of this story, from joy and from heartache. 

Because that’s what Valerie does, breaks your heart and makes you smile, and it is so fucking good.

- MJ

Synesthesia - @there-must-be-a-lock - request by @wendibird​ “SPN, Sastiel, due to all the Angelic Grace Sam has been exposed to over time, he starts resonating with Castiel’s. Especially if Cas’ emotions are running high.”

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Castiel

Warnings: none!

Words: 750

First, I love the song that enhanced this idea for Lou. It lends a tenderness and whimsy to the plot that isn’t inherent. 

Second, Lou’s words are like poetry and watercolor doing a dance of their own making — GORGEOUS phrasing and rhythm.

Cas whirls around, and Sam is hypnotized by the bright blue in his eyes, wide and concerned in a way that makes Sam feel like he’s being lit up from the inside. There’s a floodlight in his chest. 

And, y’all, I don’t even go here, but I swooned SO HARD.

It’s an effort to focus, but when he meets Cas’s eyes, Cas smiles. Sam sees a shower of sparks like the last fizzle of a firework.  

Sam hears it as a flutter of spring green like a new leaf. 

And Lou’s characterization is always spot on, right? But like Dean isn’t even in the scene, yet here we are.

Don’t let the words fool you; there’s a very angry rainbow happening in his head most of the time.

And did I mention the ARTWORK that is this woman’s WORDS?

There are stars under their feet, entire galaxies spinning out around them, dancing spirals of kaleidoscopic green and gold melting into whorls of brilliant blue.

Anyway, please go read. You’ll be flying high for hours afterward. xox

- MJ

Salvation - @dontshootmespence​ - image created and submitted by @idabbleincrazy​

Pairings: Sam Winchester x reader

Warnings: angst, torture, gore, smut 

Words: 1,401

The aesthetics by this artist inspire stories just because they are so well done. This one was a good balance of handsome Sam and some nice suggestive pics along with the phrases that helped shape the action of the story.

This story feels like an episode of the show from earlier seasons, just the right balance of angst and monster fighting with tantalizing peeks of smut and feels. Excellent job!

There are no words that come close to explaining what she means to him. How she saves what soul he has left.

These flashback scenes are both hot and tender. The voice the author  gives to Sam is spot on, achingly familiar.

"You're Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood."

It's easy to forget, sometimes, all the things that Sam has been and done, how fearsome of a hunter he is. This story reminds us with razor sharp precision.

When he meets her gaze, he finds the peace he's craved for so long.

The contrast between the flashbacks and the action is painfully good.

What’s more frightening, a man like Dean, practiced in his violence out of necessity? Or a man like him, on the verge of losing everything and nothing left to lose?

This is a well drawn distinction between the Winchester brothers, and such a good characterization of Sam!

"You're safe with me, Sam. You never have to hide from me." 

Such a beautiful relationship between Sam and this woman! It's no wonder he's fighting so hard to save her.

This story has an imaginative plot, fast paced action, some sweet hotness, and such a good Sam!

- Viv

The Second Hand Unwinds - @mskathywriteswords​ - image prompt created and submitted by @there-must-be-a-lock​ 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings: hurt, comfort, angst

I had a vibe in mind when I created this aesthetic but this went so far beyond anything I could’ve imagined. It absolutely nailed that nostalgic, wistful, antique-photo-album feel, and then it managed to knife me in the fucking gut in a few ways, none of which I saw coming. 

The JOY in the first part of this is absolutely tangible. It’s so romantic and sweet in a very dreamy way that feels exactly like first love. I love the scattered, disjointed imagery around the flowers in the first part, like flashes of memories coming at you all at once, and then when it settles into the narrative it manages to hold onto that dreamy feeling while still moving neatly through the plot. 

This moment was about us, and I wanted to live in it forever. You never gave me reason to cover my body, not that night or ever.

Goddamn right. Ugh, precious and beautiful. And then this:

After so much undiluted time together, I had no idea how to sleep alone. I felt raw waking up by myself, not being able to feel your stubble tickling my skin. 

There’s something about that last line that just grabbed my heart and tugged it in a wonderful way. It’s ACCURATE, first of all; this is one of those super-specific feelings that is hard to describe concisely. I haven’t really thought about that feeling in a while, but that little sentence just cut through so many years and brought me right back in a deep and visceral way. 

You took pride in doing all the things that were never done for you, you’d told me.

Ouch. It’s little touches like this that make this ring true to character even though it’s a very different Dean than we see in canon.

And then that ENDING. 

How do you contain a bomb once it’s been set on fire with grief?

Fuck, dude. Everything about that ending was so painful. I love that she left it raw and messy and not like a simple “welcome back!” kinda moment. 

This was just gorgeously done. Can not recommend it enough. 

Fort - @there-must-be-a-lock​ - prompt by @mskathywriteswords​​ “Fluffy dean or Jensen smoking weed plz, ty.” 

Pairing: J2 x reader

Warnings: blowjobs and weed. 

Words: ~2150

This piece of deliciousness opens with Jensen walking out of the bathroom with a towel on his hips; do I need to say more? I don’t, but I will. After some beautiful description of the blanket fort, we get treated to Jared in nothing but pajama pants. The descriptions in this piece are vivid and full. the way Jared’s hand looks between Jensen’s muscled shoulderblades, thumb stroking back and forth between patches of gold and red light, makes me want to capture the moment and hold onto it. I can see that image in my mind, picture the two of them together, and that’s what makes excellent writing for me. The warnings attached to this piece are fully applicable; the story is very cute and sweet, there’s weed, and there’s Jared and a wicked oral fixation, which in the case of this one-shot means dear Reader, that’s you, get to witness a searing blowjob from one J to another. The way these three interact makes my heart swell, and there’s something about watching the dynamic change between them that really hammers home just how functional they are together. Dive in to this universe, Everything. There are no regrets to be had, maybe only that you waited so long to get wet.

- Kathy

The Gazelle - @thoughtslikeaminefield​ - requested by Anonymous “I’d really love some more Dean x Benny fanfiction, AU, aligned with canon timeline, whatever. I think they deserved a chance and Benny got killed off before it could even be explored :(”

Pairing: AU Dean Winchester x AU Benny Lafitte x unnamed female character

Warnings: power exchange, mmf threesome implied, Denny apparent, nudity

Words: 1000

Let me start with a caveat: I’m in the bag for pretty much any Dean x Benny fic, pretty much any Dean x Benny x person #3 fic, and absolutely any MJ fic. So you could stop reading this review right now and just go read the fic, if you want; in fact, I sort of recommend it, because it’s better than anything I could have to say about it. But if you want to stick around, I promise to be a little more coherent than ZOMGGGG PERFECT HOT SEXY TIMES DENNY LOVE GORGEOUS MORE PLZ!  

Before we even get to the words, we’ve got a gorgeous graphic. Black and white beautiful boys, staring you down with those “I’m gonna fuck you so good” eyes, paired with a sweetly sexy woman tinted with a soft pink; she looks carefree, open to have some fun, and you can imagine her telling them to bring it on. MJ’s graphics are always great, setting the perfect mood for her fics, and this is no exception.

And right from the jump:

Dean and me — we share a lot of things.

We share good music and good drink. Tonight, we’re sharing a good woman.

Oh, this is in Benny’s voice?! Okay okay okay, cool cool cool, I can handle this…

...Dean purrs like a jungle cat as he hovers behind her, hands in her hair, twisting and twirling the silky tresses…

...Dean sets the pace and is the anchor, always. He keeps everything stable and grounded…

And now I’ve realized that I’m going to be seeing Dean through Benny’s eyes -- and no, not cool, can’t handle this -- but I’m definitely not stopping.

I like to mix things up, though, and he lets me.

MJ is a brilliant writer with many talents, but I think her specialty, regardless of what characters she’s writing with, is brilliantly salacious smut that’s steeped in emotion. She can’t help it. Her fucks come with feels, every single time, and I hope it never changes. 

This piece is certainly no exception. Dean and Benny are circling their prey, this unnamed woman, utilizing their individual strengths -- Dean’s encouraging, I’m demanding -- and the sexual tension is building with soft touches and lingering kisses. As the scene is progressing, Benny’s inner monologue is sprinkled with thoughts about Dean:

Times we don’t have a subject, Dean’s focus is on me. I don’t argue and I do not complain. Dean knows what to do with every inch of that long, lean body of his. He knows how to cage a person in, make them feel safe, wanted, fucking needed.

She’s handily building emotion and a personal backstory without an exposition dump, without taking focus away from the action for too long:

His hands move slowly, seemingly random, but I know how focused he is on her and the moment. Giving and seeking pleasure are vital things to Dean and he takes the acts to heart.

I’m immersed in the now of this scene but I also understand the depth of their feelings for one another, their history and dedication to each other, and how they work together to bring another partner into their orbit. MJ makes it look easy, when it’s anything but. 

And then she gifts us with this perfection and I’ve melted into a puddle of emotionally aroused goo:

“You promise to love, honor, and cherish ‘til the morning light, Dean?”

That is a vow of devotion to a one-night stand. What?! How?! Does her brain come up with this?

From there, the scene continues, the action escalating, supported by a framework of realism and heart. Her Dean feels familiar and in character, even though we’ve never seen him in this particular situation. And Benny, we hardly knew ye, but she brings him to life alongside Dean and I buy their relationship completely. I buy all of this, and now I’m invested.

And then… 

“Do it, then,” she says, challenging. “Wreck me.”

My breath catches, my heart starts to race -- yes, here we go! -- a few more sentences, one last connection between Dean and Benny, and then --

Oh, you are evil, MJ. You are so perfectly evil and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

- Bri

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Fawley Family - History, Head-canons, and other stuff

I’ve been delaying this post for far too long, so let’s talk about the Fawleys. This will not be canon to Remembrance, (Though I might mention spoilers from the fic, so be warned.) as I’m working on a Ravenclaw AU for Luca (Spelled “Luka” in this timeline.)  that is as of yet going to remain unfinished because I want to know the full story of HPHM before I finish it - Mainly concerning Rakepick and R.

Politics 

So, The Fawleys are part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. I’m inclined to think they don’t really care about their status in the Pureblood Directory, even though it’s an inherently racist document. As opposed to the Malfoys, who pride themselves on their inclusion, and the Weasleys, who can’t stand that they were put in. The Fawleys have never properly declared for one side of history or another. They never supported the Death Eaters, but they also didn’t join the Order of the Phoenix. They’ve never been hostile or dismissive to muggles, but they also mingle with the more racist pure-blood families. They keep their options open, and as a result, most people tend to enjoy their company, but don’t fully trust them. It helped that they were usually sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, and were therefore able to keep out of the school-age rivalry between the Lions and the Snakes.

Reputation

Of course, The Fawleys aren’t entirely popular either. People tend to avoid them in general, particularly if they’re superstitious and believe in things like the Grimm. This is because, for countless generations, The Fawley Family has been...well, there’s no simpler way to put it, than horribly unlucky. Misfortune seems to follow them wherever they go. It doesn’t usually affect those close to them too directly, although it can. Fawleys are known for madness, as a great number of them go off the deep end over time, even if there were no warnings signs. Far too many have committed suicide. The history of this family is a trail of blood and tears. People have noticed over time, and rumors grew that the family is cursed...and they actually are not wrong. A curse does indeed live in the blood of the Fawleys, and is unfortunately passed down genetically. It doesn’t strictly cause bad luck or anything, but the rumors are still true. 

Lineage

Being one of the oldest pure-blood families in the U.K, they can trace their heritage back hundreds of years. The oldest notes about the family tree suggest that the children of Merlin and Morgan Le Fay, were in fact the Fawley’s original ancestors. There is no way to verify this, of course, and unlike some of the more pompous Wizarding families, they see no need to parade it or make any claims. If it’s true, great. If not, whatever. (In my head, this rumor is definitely true, but it doesn’t change much about them either way. It’s just fun to think about.) On the other hand, it seems to be fact that many generations of the Fawleys were hunters who lived in the woodland and caught their food, sometimes doing odd jobs for hire - this is where the name Fawley (roughly translating to “fowl”) comes from. 

Signature

Several pure-blood families have some kind of motto or sigil. The Malfoys and the Blacks both have a crest, and the Fawleys do too. You might be expecting a bird, but this is not the case. During the War of the Roses, the Yorkshire muggles received some unexpected help from mysterious advisors, who became infamous for their abilities to control people and arrange the deaths of enemy soldiers before they even set foot in battle. Many were grateful for the aid, others voiced doubt, fearing and mistrusting the advisors. They seemed to vanish after the wars ended, having earned the nickname, “The Black Roses.” Sometimes derisively, sometimes approvingly, depending upon who was asked. Within the Wizarding community, however, the Fawleys never hid that they and some of their closest friends had been the Black Roses. It became their symbol.

Darkness 

As stated, the Fawleys have never been Anti-Muggle, not have they favored blood supremacy. But whether or not they stand against the Dark Arts tends to vary between the generations - the Black Roses definitely used dark magic in their efforts, for example. Rarely do any of them go full-out and cross to the dark side. Most of them favor unicorn wands. Rarely do any of them turn completely evil. But a wizard who can employ both light and dark magic is a versatile one, which is advantageous in multiple ways, particularly when it comes to exploring magic itself. What is consistent across centuries of the family is that they like to experiment, they push the study of magic to it’s limits. Some of them became spell inventors. Others travel all over the world in pursuit of greater powers and secrets. More than once, a Fawley has gone off the grid and simply disappeared, never to be heard from again. 

Friendships

The Sacred Twenty-Eight is composed of the core families that often inter-marry, either due to coincidence or to intentionally keep the blood pure. In the Fawleys case, it was the former. There was no rule about avoiding marriages to Half-bloods and Muggles, and sometimes these would even happen - but the number of premature deaths that occurred in this family unfortunately cut off any branches that might have formed. Most consistently, the Fawleys seemed to associate with the Burkes, the Greengrass’s, and especially the Blacks. They had a consistent, ongoing friendship and occasional rivalry with the Black family. They would explore the boundaries of magic together. Sometimes they would be mortal enemies, at others they would protect each other. Many Fawley-Black marriages occurred, and present day, Tonks is distantly related to Luka and Gail. 

Abilities 

The Fawleys have frequently become Healers and either worked at St. Mungos or started smaller practices and apothecaries of their own. Some say this tendency to heal is born of the anguish the family regularly faces. After all, many say the kindest people are those who have suffered the most. Others say that learning these skills became a necessity with how many tragedies there were. But regardless, they usually have talent in the Healing Arts. Typically a Fawley will be gifted in either Charms, Potions, Herbology, or some combination of the three. They are also natural fliers, despite having little interest in Quidditch itself, most of them know their way around a broom. On an unrelated note, I like to imagine the Fawleys, ever-neutral, generally keep themselves out of Quidditch culture, but would be fans of the Montrose Magpies. Finally, we know from canon that MC and Jacob are Legilimens’, so I’d say natural talent toward this magic runs in the family.

Home 

In the Remembrance timeline, the Fawleys live in a small cottage off the coast of a place called Dulcimer Beach, always cloudy and with black sands. However, I like to imagine that at least one branch of the Fawley family grew up in Godric’s Hollow, perhaps just outside the cemetery. I don’t know, there’s something about growing up literally next to a graveyard, that kinda suits them in my opinion. Plus. the whole idea of them being nearby when James and Lily died, even if they weren’t at all connected to it. Not sure where I’ll put the twins in the AU, I might have each of them in one of these two places. All I know is, they have a garden with a bed of black roses, that have magical properties and are used in their potion making. 

The Curse

If the Fawleys have one fatal flaw, that is consistent across the vast majority of them...it’s curiosity. This is why they’re usually in Ravenclaw. It’s why Jacob went after the vaults.They don’t thirst for knowledge but when presented with the idea of a secret they don’t know...they want to know it. This family has done terrible things over the years in their journey to learn the darkest secrets imaginable. They don’t crave power, they just want to see how powerful they can actually become. While they often use that power for good...it always comes with a price. The Curse...was their own doing. Despite spreading rumors that it was the Fault of the Blacks, the Fawleys placed the curse in their blood on themselves, centuries ago. Present day, the current inheritors of the curse don’t even know this to be true. 

Heirlooms 

Just one. A set of thick, fur-lined robes that are white and lined with black, as well as having a black rose emblazoned on the side, usually concealed when the robes are bundled up. Supposedly, these belonged to one of the “Black Roses” but there’s no way to know if that’s true. They could have been made years later, as a simple reference. But Luka’s father Arik had them, and his father before him. Other than that...I suppose there is the Wizard’s Chess set that they have? But it’s only a couple of generations old. 

The Cabal

I’ll get straight to the point. No matter what R winds up being, no matter who they are or what they want, my personal theory or head-canon is that MC’s family has been connected to them, or at least to the Cursed Vaults, for longer than we initially thought. That Jacob and MC being sought out by them was no accident or coincidence. I believe the Fawleys are deeply involved with the Cabal, and have been all along, perhaps going back many generations. Perhaps Dumbledore or the Aurors already know this, and simply keep it from MC. This could also play in to how they never sided with the Death Eaters or The Order - they already had a faction they had pledged loyalty to. 

Miscellaneous 

I’ve always pictured them as Iranian, at least for the past several generations. I also think having twins is not unusual for them, since it seems to happen more consistently in certain families. However, still-born babies and miscarriages, not to mention infertility, are all the more common. As for family traits, I see the Fawleys typically having large dark brown eyes, thicker, longer hair, and smaller, button-like noses. Luka is lactose intolerant, Gail is dyslexic. As I alluded to, they love Wizard’s Chess and probably don’t like Gobstones very much. They generally don’t believe in superstitions and many will claim the Fawley Curse is a hoax, even if they know this not to be true. I also have always imagined them as being Jewish, and if I ever write a reboot fanfic of the Ravenclaw AU, I’d like to incorporate that into the story more. 

Damn if you actually read all of my nonsense you deserve a cookie ☺️ If there are any questions about the Fawleys or head-canons for your own OC's family, please share them!

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 6

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 4,036 for this chapter (25,168 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan has been wearing a line into the carpet of his hotel room, pacing back and forth for what feels like hours. He's muttering to himself, tugging at his hair whenever he gets especially worked up, and only spares a moment to consider what a weird image he makes for anyone who might come in.

"I'm gay," he says out loud, over and over, trying desperately to make it sound like it belongs there.

He rewatches Phil's coming out video a few times to remind himself how easy and happy Phil made it sound, but he can't seem to recreate that energy alone in his room.

No matter how many times Dan says it, the word 'gay' still makes his heart race and his gut clench like he's gone over the drop of a rollercoaster. His pulse pounds in his ears when he imagines saying it to another person, someone he cares about, someone who might hate him for it.

It's just a word. It's just a word, and it's basically who he is. It shouldn't be this hard to say.

His phone goes off with a Twitter notification, but he can't handle that right now. He turns his phone off without reading the message from Phil and keeps pacing.

--

"How did you deal with this for like twenty years?" Jaime complains, watching the rain fall almost horizontally outside the window.

"I didn't live here," says Dan. He steals some of her chips while she isn't looking.

"London wasn't much better."

They're holed up in one of the numerous tiny pubs in Dublin while they wait for Patrick to finish a solo interview and photoshoot. Dan likes it here, liked it in Edinburgh too, but he's been more or less working on autopilot. His mind is in a dog park in Soho, where Phil has been sending pictures from all afternoon. Pictures that he hasn't responded to.

"I like London," Dan says absently. He pretends not to understand the knowing look Jaime sends him. "What?"

"Sure, you liiiiike London," she teases, smacking his hand away from her plate.

"I do!" Dan huffs. "I always wanted to live in London when I was a teenager. It was, like, the dream. And I think it's probably still where I'll be ending up eventually."

"And a cute guy with a cuter dog has absolutely nothing to do with that?" Jaime asks, sipping at her beer.

Dan feels his stomach twist. It's not pleasant, having someone assume something about you, even if that thing is true. He looks down at his own hands and shrugs. "No, I mean. I'd want London anyway. I just kind of want it... more, now."

"You never actually answered my drunk texts. How long have you been together?"

"We aren't together, James," says Dan. His throat is tight with suppressed emotion. This is the first time he has spoken out loud about his attraction to a guy to someone that matters to him. It's fucking terrifying. "I - I like him, though."

"I can tell," says Jaime. She kicks at his shin under the table and smiles when he gives her a reproachful look. "Don't call me James, or I'll call you Dan."

With a snort, Dan steals more of her chips. "Fine."

They eat in a fairly comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of their plates acting more like communal food, and Dan almost thinks he'll be able to get away with the topic being dropped.

"He likes you too, y'know," Jaime says, bursting that hope. "In case you couldn't tell that he eyefucks you constantly."

Dan feels his face heat up and resists the urge to throw something at her. The server in this very Irish pub has been nice to them so far, but causing a scene as a Brit and a Yank doesn't sound like the best plan. "Shut up."

"I'm serious, Daniel," she laughs. "You really can't tell?"

"No," Dan says, affecting an annoyed sort of sigh. "I mean, yeah, no, I can definitely tell that he would be up for it if I asked."

"Why haven't you asked, then?"

He could tell her any number of half-truths, and she'd accept them as whole answers. Not wanting to fuck up their immediate connection, the whole ocean between them thing, or any other justification he's been muttering to himself while he paces around his hotel rooms.

The thing is, though, that Dan trusts Jaime. She's never told anyone any of the stupid shit he does when it's just them. Neither has Patrick, for that matter, but he's not here right now. And Dan doesn't think he can say this twice.

"Because," he says, swallowing hard and looking at the table. "Nobody knows I like boys. I don't even like to think about it too much, usually."

Dan can practically hear his heart pounding. He jumps a bit when Jaime's small, dark hand covers one of his, and she gives it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey," she says quietly. "I didn't mean to push."

"You're fine," Dan says, and he means it. "I kind of need to think about it now, anyway."

"Because of Phil?" Jaime asks. When he nods and looks back up at her, she smiles. "You seem good together. I've never seen you look so happy, Daniel."

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," Dan admits. His palms are sweating. "And I know I haven't, like, known him that long or whatever, but. Did you know I used to be a fan of his back in the day? He was kind of a role model for teenage Daniel. If I'd have known he was gay back then... I don't know. Maybe I'd have been able to admit that about myself, too."

The label doesn't actually leave Dan's lips, not applied to himself, but he still feels like he's got hundreds of eyes on him. It's just Jaime's, though, big and dark and kind, and he tries to breathe through it.

"That's a very brave thing to tell me," says Jaime.

"Sorry," Dan says, nonsensically.

Jaime laughs, a trill of a noise that makes the dim, rainy day feel brighter. "Oh, you're dumb dumb."

"Only sometimes," says Dan. He's fighting a losing battle with a grin.

"Do you want to be with Phil?" she asks, so blunt about it that Dan is at a loss for words.

He pulls his hand away from hers to play around with his phone, a nervous habit he's never really been able to kick. "I mean, yeah. I do. But it's really not that simple."

With a little hum, Jaime rests her chin on one of her palms. She's beautiful in a way Dan can appreciate beautiful art, beautiful clothing; she's not beautiful the way he finds Phil beautiful, the way he's found men beautiful for years and tried so hard to push away.

"I guess not, but I also know you pretty well by now, Howell," says Jaime. "You've never met a problem you can't twist into something worse."

A little rude. But very true.

"What do you suggest, then?" Dan snarks. "Tell the world I'm - and deal with the consequences of that? People back in Georgia already hate me for so much other shit, I doubt this will make it any fucking better."

"I suggest just being honest with yourself," says Jaime, ignoring the rest of his mini strop.

Being honest with himself is not something Dan has made a habit of doing. And he probably could live the rest of his life pushing this aside, stamping it down, lying through his teeth to the people around him, but. It sounds like a pretty shit way to live, if Dan is going to try the honesty thing right now.

He remembers how it felt to be leaning into Phil's space in the big hotel bed, remembers the way Phil had smiled at him every time he pulled Thor into a cuddle, remembers the deliberate circles Phil had traced on the back of his neck when they said goodbye at his flat.

That's something he wants. Dan is craving that, the intimacy and familiarity of it that he knows he'll never fully be able to feel with any nice, beautiful girls like Jaime.

He could probably do it, anyway. Meet a woman. Marry her. Have the kids he's always wanted. Maybe he'll even find someone who doesn't mind adopting so he doesn't have to live in fear of his child getting his fucked up genes. If he's very, very lucky, he might even find someone who doesn't mind this thing he's been keeping a lid on since he hit puberty.

The fear that strikes in Dan's heart as he imagines exactly what it would be like to keep living like this is what decides it for him.

"I don't want to," Dan starts, then stops. He has to think about his words and not just respond to his inner thoughts like a weirdo. "I mean... I don't want to lie. It's really, really exhausting. I just didn't have a good enough reason not to."

"So what are you gonna do?" Jaime hums.

"What d'you mean?"

"Are you going to come out, like, to the general public?" Jaime asks, and Dan appreciates the nonchalance of her tone. "Or just me and Phil?"

"I don't know," says Dan. "I think I'd tell Patrick, too."

Jaime smiles and pats his hand. "Oh, darlin', he was in that room, too. I think he has an inkling."

"I can't tell other people until I tell my family," Dan says like she hasn't interrupted. "It just wouldn't be right, y'know, them finding out because a friend of a friend saw a piece in The Sun about how much I like sucking cock."

A cackle is startled out of Jaime, and she covers her mouth with both hands. "Daniel!"

"What?" Dan does his best to look innocent, but he's cracking into a shit-eating grin before he can stop it. "That's what would happen!"

"Horrible boy," she says.

"I didn't do anything."

"Please don't come out to your parents by telling them you like dick," says Jaime.

Dan shudders. "Ugh. Can we never talk about my parents and dick in the same sentence again? Thanks ever so."

"You started it!"

They're still bickering when Patrick finally joins them, sliding into the booth beside Jaime and knocking his long legs against Dan's in greeting. "Did y'all eat already?"

"Yeah, you want something?" Jaime asks, handing over the menu they'd kept for him.

While Patrick looks it over, his fingers idly tapping against the thick wood of the table, Dan steels his nerves. He knows he doesn't need to do this, he's got no obligation, but he also knows that this is a safe environment and he might never do it if he procrastinates much longer.

"Shepherd's pie sounds good," says Patrick.

"I'm gay," says Dan.

"Okay," says Patrick, not looking up. "Or maybe a curry? D'you think it's good curry here?"

Dan blinks. "I said, I'm gay."

"And I said okay." Patrick looks at him then, raising his eyebrows. "Did you want me to scream or something? It's not like it's a big deal."

It's a big deal to Dan. It's a really big deal. But he's touched by Patrick and Jaime's easy acceptance anyway, trying his best not to get emotional in the middle of the pub. He wants to explain himself, wants to say that he's never said those words to someone before, wants to cry and hug them both so tightly because they're his friends and he cares about them, but that would be overdramatic even for him.

"Thanks," he says instead, his voice thick with suppressed emotion. "The curry sounds good, mate."

"It does," Patrick agrees, and that's the end of that.

--

As if he knows that Dan has been having his videos on for four nights straight, falling asleep to his voice and waking up twelve autoplayed videos later, Phil uploads a new video that night.

Dan is pretending like he's going to sleep, all the lights off and his laptop away and everything, because he's got breakfast radio in the very early hours of the morning and he wants to at least try to be a functional human during it. But then he gets a notification for Phil's new video while he scrolls through Reddit, and he clicks on it without a second thought.

"Hi guys," the Phil on Dan's phone says, grinning and waving. Dan's breath catches, just a bit.

That's the outfit Phil was wearing when Dan came over and watched MasterChef with him. He was in Phil's flat during the filming of the last couple of minutes.

Logically, he knows that he's been in Phil's home, that he's been behind the scenes of AmazingPhil in a way that he never would have dreamed he'd be able to. It still fucking rattles him, though. He pays more attention to the jump cuts in the video - where, most likely, Thor had been bugging for attention - and desperately wishes he could remember which one was for Dan, which slice of unused footage was Phil telling him he wanted Chinese food.

"So I guess I won't be going back to Seven Dials for a while," says Phil, wrapping up yet another story that Dan forgot to pay attention to. He starts doing his outro, tells people to subscribe and all that jazz, says goodbye, rolls that beautiful Thor footage.

There's still a minute left on the video. Dan thinks he knows why.

Sure enough, after a beat of a black screen, Phil has included a blooper montage of all the times Thor interrupted his story. It's adorable, watching Phil get tongue tied and giggly while Thor licks at his face or does the zoomies around the room. Dan's heart feels full to burst at how badly he wants to be there again.

Will Phil include it? Dan's breath is caught in his throat as he waits, watching Phil's face so carefully to see what it does when - if - he says Dan's name.

Phil's lips curl into a different sort of smile than the one he'd been giving Thor. This one is warm in a way that makes Dan's pulse pick up speed, even seeing it on such a small screen. Finally, finally, Phil says, "Dan. Are you growling at Thor?"

He sounds like he's trying to be stern, but he can't quite accomplish it with that smile of his.

Then, Dan's own voice comes through. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Phil's smile grows, gives him deep crinkles around his eyes. He looks so fucking fond. Dan doesn't think it's all for Thor. "I'm literally filming right now."

Dan whines, "He's just so cute," and then the video ends for real. Phil is smiling off-camera so genuinely, but autoplay is already suggesting another AmazingPhil video for Dan. With a resigned sort of sigh, he lets it play.

For about two weeks now, Dan has been figuring that, while Phil is a flirtatious guy who most likely wouldn't say no to a roll in the sheets, he doesn't actually have feelings for Dan or anything crazy like that. How could he, when they've known each other for such a short amount of time? How does Dan have all these feelings already?

But the way that Phil smiled when he was talking to Dan, and Dan wasn't looking back at him, is making Dan's head spin.

Fuck. He's got a lot to think about.

--

If people keep telling Dan he looks tired, he's going to snap.

He didn't get any sleep at all, really, his mind in fucking overdrive all night as he tipped over the box in his mind and let it all wash over him at once. He doesn't feel better, not yet, still exhausted and anxious and really, desperately not wanting to be sat in a radio station with his costars.

Unlike the BBC Radio One interview, this one is live on breakfast radio. Dan is trying not to think about that too much, or he's going to have back sweat all over his favourite shirt.

The shirt still smells like Phil.

It's distracting.

Dan hasn't responded to the Thor photos that Phil sent him yesterday or this morning, too wrapped up in his own brain as he's been. He hopes that Phil won't be offended, because - well, Dan isn't the best texter in general, he might as well get used to bouts of silence.

His leg is bouncing as Jaime establishes a rapport with the radio host, whose name Dan has been told at least a dozen times. Gun to his head, he could not recall it now.

He's too busy thinking about Phil. And maybe that's a mistake, unprofessional at the very least, but Dan can't help it. He can smell the faintest hint of Phil's cologne when he puts the collar of his t-shirt over his nose and his hands keep twitching, remembering what it felt like to be held by Phil's.

Mind completely full of Phil and lack of sleep, Dan can't really be blamed for not paying attention to his surroundings.

This is his excuse, anyway, when the radio host introduces himself again for the audience - in one ear and out the fucking other for Dan - and Dan's response, after Patrick and Jaime have said their names, is to say, "Hi, I'm Phil."

There's a beat of complete silence before Jaime breaks it, honking into her microphone and covering her mouth. Dan's brain catches up with his mouth, then, and he feels himself turn brick red.

"Daniel's been up all night," Patrick says dryly. "Apparently, he had to get three stars on Rainbow Road."

The idea that Dan didn't already have three stars on Rainbow Road is offensive, but he takes the life vest Patrick is throwing him. "Hah, yeah, sorry. I'm Daniel, and hopefully that'll be the most embarrassing thing I do today. I have a bit of a knack for it, if you didn't know."

Dan already knows he'll be clowned for this one for a while, judging by the sheer glee on Jaime's face, but he's determined to make it through the rest of the interview without forgetting his own name again.

Sure enough, they've barely said their goodbyes to the host and left the studio when Jaime crows, "'Hi, I'm Phil'? Holy shit, Howell!"

"I'm going to take a walk off a very short pier. 'Scuse me."

"It's not the worst thing you've ever done," says Patrick. His lips are twitching with either amusement or disapproval. Dan is guessing it's the former. "I mean, it's up there. But you've done way worse. Like do you remember the time -"

"That's not actually helpful," Dan says.

"Sorry, Phil," says Patrick.

Dan reaches for his throat with both hands and Patrick ducks out of the door with a bright laugh.

He's reluctant to check his phone the rest of the morning, because he can only imagine the cyberbullying he's going to endure from his fans over that slip of the tongue. Especially if they've already figured out that he was the 'Dan' at the end of Phil's video. Most people might not make the connection, since nobody really calls him that, but Dan has tweeted about Phil's videos and Phil has posted photos of them with Thor, so. It wouldn't take a fucking detective.

Once Dan's phone starts ringing with a call, though, he kind of has to deal with it. He's playing Guild Wars, so he puts the phone on speaker as quickly as possible. Only two people call him, so he doesn't even bother taking his eyes off the raid to look at the caller ID.

"Hullo?"

"Hi," Phil's voice comes through the tinny speaker. He sounds like he's already on the verge of laughter, and Dan considers hanging up.

Still, he's glad it's Phil calling and not his agent. Amy can be very intimidating, even all the way from Los Angeles, and he can't imagine that she's going to be thrilled about all the fuckups he's had on this leg of the tour.

Dan sighs loud enough to be heard through the phone. "Hello, Phil."

"Oh, am I Phil? I thought you were Phil!"

"Very funny."

"Or are we all Phil?"

The bright chirp of Phil's voice makes Dan smile despite himself. He narrowly avoids getting murked in the game because he's too fucking busy mooning over a boy. Christ.

"Are we human or are we Phil?" Dan asks, overly dry in case his smile shines through the way Phil's is.

Phil giggles. That's quickly becoming one of Dan's favourite sounds. He can practically picture the tongue between the teeth. "You big dork. How did that even happen? Like, walk me through your thought process."

"Isn't it abundantly fucking clear that I didn't have a thought process?" Dan whines.

"I was just wondering if you had some kind of explanation," says Phil. He still sounds far too amused. Dan wants to be annoyed about it, but he can't even pretend like a happy Phil is something he doesn't want. "Because you've done a lot of stupid shit in interviews, Dan, but you've never forgotten your own name before."

"Thanks," says Dan.

"Oh, you know what I mean," says Phil.

Dan shrugs even though he's well aware Phil can't see him. "I dunno, I didn't really sleep last night, and then being in a radio station made me think about you."

That's definitely a half-truth. Dan hasn't stopped thinking about Phil for almost two weeks now.

He'd been hoping maybe some distance would help. Weekend in Edinburgh, couple nights in Dublin. Perfect to get his head on straight - or, not straight, as it happens - and start separating his feelings for Phil from the all-consuming endorphins of fast friendship.

If anything, though, being physically away from Phil has only drawn attention to how badly Dan wants him to be there. Hearing Phil's voice when they're on different islands is just solidifying those feelings into something not easily removed in Dan's chest.

"You were thinking about me?" Phil asks, and he sounds so warm, even as he's making fun of Dan.

God. Dan wants to be there. He wants to see the way Phil's eyes crinkle with his smile, wants to feel the weight of Phil's cool hand in his own.

They've still got another night in Dublin before they can head back, but. There's only one more interview, surely nobody will miss his awkward presence that much?

Dan checks the time as soon as he finishes his raid. It's barely noon. He bites his lip. The whole day is still ahead of him.

Is he really thinking about doing this?

"Maybe," he says. "Hold on, I need to - do something. I'll text you. Like, I'll actually text you."

"Okay," Phil agrees, sounding a bit bewildered but still just as cheerful.

"I promise that I'll text you," Dan says. He's really, really bad at texting people back at the best of times, let alone when he's in the midst of a proper existential crisis, but he'll have a lot of time with nothing but his phone when he's - hopefully - sat at the airport.

"Okay," Phil says again, even warmer.

It would take no effort at all for Dan to get lost in that voice, but he's a man on a mission. Provided that Jaime and Patrick are okay with it, he's going to skive off tomorrow's interview and head back to London early.

He won't even try to pretend it isn't for Phil. He's got to ride this deep-seated certainty as far as it'll take him. And it isn't going to be like a movie, he isn't rushing off to the airport to catch his one true love or anything like that, he just. Misses Phil. Wants to be with Phil. Maybe he'll kiss Phil, but that's as rom-com as he plans to get.

"I'll see you soon," says Dan. "I have to ask Jaime and Patrick something."

[quirkydeaky]

Life is Real {Chapter Three}

ROGER TAYLOR

how will Roger cope when he finds that his new best friend,  whom he’s falling in love with, is slowly dying?

.

HI! So I’m back and hoping this series will not flop, lol. A few people have been interested in seeing this, so here I am with what people want! If you want, drop a comment or send me an ask and I’ll add you to my tag list. Mwah!

{p.s - send me asks cause i want mutuals and my ask box is open! eek!}

Also… This story is a multi-part fan-fiction with heavy, mature themes. The Original (and Main) Female Character has a type of Cancer. The type will not be mentioned, but there may be some scenes with heavy implements of medication, treatment or heavily implied scenes at a hospital.

I DO understand that this topic hits close to home for a lot of people, and if this angst-based series is not something for you, please ignore. Thank you.

.

W/C: 2.6k+

Warnings: Fluff, Angst.

Main Characters: 80s!Roger Taylor, MammaMia2!Lily James

[so, basically this chapter has a lot of dialogue, but this is where Lillian finally become completely honest with Roger about her deathly illness. This is where things are finally beginning to take place in the plot. Enjoy honey’s xxx]

"So he actually threw your maracas into the audience?" Lillian questions after hearing the magnificently odd story of how Roger stole his maracas after hours of searching, only for Freddie to throw them into the audience.

"I'm not joking!" He said as Lillian burst into another fit of laughter at his exasperated tone. "You should've seen me, though... I was ecstatic after finding them, and for him to throw them into the audience like that for one of our audience members to take home? I was fuming!" He exclaimed, throwing his free hand that wasn't connected to the steering wheel and resting dangerously close to Lilly's thigh into the air.

"Any other stories I need to hear about?" She questioned.

"Heard about that time I trashed my kit? Pretty sure it was '74, Rainbow Theatre?"

"No! But why would you even consider, let alone, do such a thing?"

"Terrible night that was. Don't get me wrong, though... a great performance from the four of us from the circumstances we were put in, the electricity cutting in and out constantly I think pushed me over the edge, along with some other things."

"Sounds interesting. Can't believe I'm in the car with the actual Roger Taylor."

"Oh, 's nothing, really. Quite the opposite of how a lot of fans would actually react, I guess. You're the type of down to earth that I really appreciate."

"That's nice to know, I appreciate the compliment."

"Wait- don't get me wrong... you are actually a fan, right?"

"Yes, I am, Roger. Don't think you're boasting about your one of a kind, crazy talented band to someone who really isn't listening or appreciating the stories, because I am, really."

"You have our albums?"

"Every single one. From Smile's first 45 to The Game that was released a little over a month ago. Love it all."

"Even Smile's first release? Wow, you've stuck around a while, have you not?"

Nodding in agreement, she replied. "I have."

"But, why don't you know about some of our stories, and stuff? Like, that story of me trashing the kit, almost everyone in London knows about it, not to mention holds it against me, to this day, almost six and a half years later!"

"Well, I- don't really know. At the start when you guys became famous after Killer Queen, I was just graduating Uni at the time, and was busy with trying to find some temporary work, but then had to drop that job as some other things got in the way."

"What kind of things?" Roger questioned.

Roger's eagerness really didn't go unnoticeable. He was in a form of desperation to find out about his new, so called best friend that he needed in his life. He knew this friendship was really going to work, basing it off already being able to tell that the trust and communication was there between the two. But Roger really didn't realise that he could press this somewhat introverted yet extroverted woman too much.

Ignoring his previous comment, she continued.

"And as of recent times, I've picked up a one-shift a week part-time job while working and focusing on the creative aspect of my life-"

"As I mentioned before, what kind of things got in the way?" He pressed, eyes flicking over to her before regaining focus on the road, making Lilly shift in her seat and lean more towards and against the locked door of the travelling car, feeling a blush creep up her neck and towards her cheeks.

"I- I can't really explain. Not right now."

"If it's something explicit or something that has or is scaring, even hurting you... you can tell me. I have no one to tell, if that's what your wondering."

Its not that Lillian wanted to hide such a massive part of her life that was impacting almost everything she did from Roger. It'd be an act of cruelty and dishonesty, having and letting him open up when she hasn't done the same.

"I- yeah, I guess. Okay."

"Okay? You'll tell me?"

She nodded, nerves and fear encasing her voice so much she was afraid to speak. "When is the next turn off?"

"In a couple of minutes, love. 'Want me to just pull into a park or something just outside London?"

"Yeah, just do that."

.

"Okay. You're going to get the truth, obviously," Lillian begins as they step towards a park bench after stepping out of the car not long before, about to get down into the nitty gritty before being interrupted.

"I would hope so."

"Right. Do you want this the light or the hard way?"

"I'll take either, as long as you're comfortable." Roger says with a shrug as he sits on the seat, patting the space next to him to invite her.

Sitting down, she continues. "How easily d'you take me being upfront and probably confronting?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay," She starts, turning and facing him, gaze ripping away from the empty, large space in front of them. Crossing her legs, Lillian fiddles in her bag before taking out three small bottles of different medications, two bottles being almost full as she only collected them from the pharmacy two or so days ago, another being half full.

While Roger stares at the bottles now laid out in front of him, he's lost for words, many assumptions being made in his head that were now not only crammed with lyrics, beats, things to do and his slowly failing marriage, but now his poor, new best friend's health and safety.

"So, what... it's the fourteenth of July, 1980, and doctor's aren't really sure if I'll make it to my thirtieth birthday... that's in April of 1983."

Roger is still speechless, mouth now agape. He doesn't know how to respond to that. Like, this woman who he's already in admiration of, slowly becoming his new best friend, one he is already developing small feelings for, is dying?

It's not what he expected.

What she didn't expect, though, was a response from him. And she hadn't received one yet, and she was fine with that.

It was what she expected. Not to receive a response.

Another thing, though, was how surprised Lillian was with herself. She didn't even have the heart to consider how she, herself, would feel telling Roger all of this. She knew she was comfortable with him the minute they began that proper conversation at the end of his driveway, but having him as the first person to know about her cancer was something entirely different.

Yet, she was okay with it.

"I'm so, so sorry, Lil. I- wow," He says.

Lil. That was new.

She liked it.

"I can't even explain how apologetic and bad I feel."

"And you don't have to, Roger." Lilly said, shaking her head.

"I've been dealing with this on my own for a little over three years. It's cancer. I didn't know it ran in my family, I don't think it does. But it can happen to anyone, at any time. People just need to accept that, and after a while, I learnt. I learnt how to accept that I had the cancer tag that no one knew I walked around with everyday. I didn't have anyone to tell. Mum? She's off with some new bloke, forgotten about me. Don't even know where dad is. I'm an only child and have no friends, except you. Roger, this may be confronting, but I need- god, I need you to understand and accept me for who I am."

"Lil-"

"Please." She begs, in desperation for a little love from someone in her life. Platonically from Roger, of course. He had a wife.

His wife that was slowly becoming further and further away from him, that was.

"Lillian, listen to me." Roger began, griping her shoulders, surprising her with the action and making her chin lift, gaze locking on his.

"I will accept you for whoever you are. The fact that you have cancer? That matters so much to me, in the aspect of me looking after you, driving you to treatment, appointments, whatever. I don't care what I have to do. You have me. I understand, I'm the first person you've had in a long time, and knowing that? I simply can't leave you on your own when you need me most."

Lillian was crying at this point, the realisation of finally having someone who not only will treat her right, but not verbally abuse her like both of her father's. Not a person who will leave her alone, like her mother or that so called friend Sophie. The realisation that someone will finally realise of her existence.

The realisation that someone will love her.

Her tears were flowing freely, Roger cooing and wiping them away as he brought her in for a hug.

Only her second hug in however many years. Both hugs being from Roger.

With the bottles of medication forgotten, she latched her arms around Roger's neck forcefully, knocking over one bottle and climbing over the other two to have a more meaningful hug with the man she now called her best friend.

The touch of his skin on hers lit a fire inside of her, almost instantly craving the small amount of affection she hadn't received in so, so long, with the same happening for Roger.

She wasn't the only one that was craving affection. He was too.

With a slowly disintegrating marriage, how could he not? His wife was now settling for divorce papers. Fights at home become common. Returning to an empty house came even more often then not.

Roger hadn't had a proper, genuine hug in over a year; small side hugs from his three best friends not surfacing even close enough to a real life display of the comfort he needed of so much in his life.

But he had Lillian now. Even if it wasn't for as long as he needed.

The loss of affection, god, Roger didn't know how much it would draw him closer to this new person in his life. One who hadn't experienced affection, comfort, anything of that sort for so long.

The hug lasted a while, sobs still eliciting Lilly's throat as Roger rubbed her back. The small amount of affection that they were both on the receiving end of automatically drew the two closer together, their desperation untameable.

They both wanted someone to love them, and they both wanted to love someone.

That's exactly why when Lillian's head lifted from his shoulder where it lay seconds beforehand, that they both didn't make any effort to pull any further away from each other, Lilly basically resting on his crossed legs.

Roger took a moment to admire the girl's tear stained face, her pretty, sculpted cheek bones blotched a beetroot red, taking the attention away from where her wet eyelashes rested upon her skin where freckles gently lay, eyebrows crinkling as she admired Roger in the exact same way.

She narrowly avoided being caught by Roger as she admired his flawless skin, pale skin a little flushed from the light breeze that blew through the park on a late Summer afternoon, probably also flushed from the intimacy and close proximity of the two bodies in the hug they shared. His breathing was ragged as it escaped his pink, thin yet pillowy lips, a little chapped from gnawing at them in between sentences as he talked up a storm in the car.

His piercing blue eyes caught her own hazel shaded ones as her eyes flicked over his face for the last time, her gaze almost catching something else in motion behind him, all to avoid him, yet what she wasn't giving him, he wanted.

Attention.

He wanted her attention. He wanted her admiration.

Bringing his hand to her chin, he grasped it between his thumb, index and middle fingers, drawing her gaze back to his, eyes locking with one another. Even though he wasn't originally planning to get go of his grasp on her, he did. Only to replace his fingers to fiddle with the only ring he wore.

His wedding band.

"Roger," Lillian started as her eyes caught his actions as he began pushing it up and down is finger, a contemplative face present on his gorgeous features. "What are you-"

"She treats me like shit," Is all the man said before regaining focus on Lillian, stopping his actions and shifting a little closer to the twenty seven year old woman. "Fights with me constantly," He mumbled. "Could say the woman hates me and wouldn't even feel a rid of guilt."

"Roger, I'm-"

"Don't bother, she's settling for divorce papers, and the worst thing? She's not even upset about it. Always says in our fights that she can't wait to get out of the toxic life I've always given her. She hates me. Hasn't loved me in over a year. Haven't felt love from anyone in over a year." He recited, as if the story was what he had told numerous times to different people, or even to himself. Maybe that's why he has no guilt. Only desperation and sadness.

"But no one sees how desperate I am for love to be shown in my direction. The love you receive from friends as they continuously support you hasn't even lasted me long enough. Don't know what to do with myself."

While Lillian was listening and trying to understand the concept of the message Roger was trying to convey, she was interrupted as her body jerked at the sound of church bells ringing in the distance, signalling the beginning of a new hour of the day. Eyes flicking to her watch that she wore on her wrist, it read six p.m.

Her gaze refocused towards the sky after that, ears still perked at the sound of the continuous church bells, still ringing. Breathing in the fresh air and being out in the brisk hours of the beginning of the night was something she rarely got to do, so she focused her eyes on the slowly darkening blue of the sky, searching for the moon to appear at any moment.

Her gaze dropped to the seat the pair were sat on after hearing a light clutter noise. Looking up and seeing Roger with his mouth slightly parted, breathing ragged and increasing as the seconds passed.

The thing Lilly had missed was the way Roger looked at her, trying to succumb and make a decision as she was distracted from his presence. He couldn't help himself, but in the short time the two have known each other, he was beginning to develop feelings for her, and while it was oh so wrong, it felt so, so right, too.

That's why the light clatter noise drew the attention of Lillian. It's exactly what Roger wanted. Her attention.

Her own lips parted at the sight of Roger, and the sight of what caused the clutter noise on the metal bench seat.

His wedding band.

And even if Lillian could only experience three of the main senses at that current time; smelling Roger's cologne, feeling the goosebumps on her skin appear because of Roger's close proximity in his presence, seeing Roger with wide, hazel eyes, that's when she was privileged to feeling and tasting.

The feeling of his pillowy and slightly chapped lips.

The taste of his cigarette.

Roger had kissed her. And almost nothing had felt so right in his life when he felt Lillian kiss back, only for her to pull away seconds later, opening her eyes slowly out of pure bliss before widening them in shock and oblivion.

And at the same time, their mouth opened, spitting out both the obvious, and the not so obvious.

"Roger! You have a wife." "I'm not hers anymore."

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[khaleesirin]

Lelouch, C.C. and The Arendtian Concept of Freedom and Equality. 1 of ? Political Theory in Anime Series.

I believe this post should begin with a clarification: I don’t consider Code Geass a story imbued with deep philosophical ideas.  In all honesty, I find the entire series entirely fabulous and unabashedly silly, and exactly why I unironically love it. I am, however, without irony, a fan of Lelouch and C.C.’s dynamic in the series.

This is not a shipping manifesto. I don’t ship them romantically, although I can say that in terms of writing, their relationship is written with romantic undertones. That’s not the point.  I love the dynamic of Lelouch and C.C. because, in terms of engaging to political question, I consider them a good model to Hannah Arendt’s concept of freedom and equality. For those who are acquainted with Arendt’s political thoughts,  it’s an outlandish claim, and I can see that, but please humor me on this.

Freedom, according to Arendt, is the capacity of humans, as a collective, to create something new. The American Revolution is a manifestation of this freedom not because of the American liberation from the then British Empire, but because of how the founding fathers treated each other as equals, participating in this public political realm where they have sustained dialogue, sharing thoughts to how they can create a new republic, and to finally institutionalize that freedom.

Freedom is rooted on the Arendtian concept of natality.  “Birth” is not simply about the biological process, but is based on her definition of homo sapiens. Unlike animals, humans are distinct because we are all different. In our capacity to think, to speak, to do action based on our thoughts, no human existence will be the same. That’s what frees us from the nature’s “circle of life.” The moment we are born, we already changed something. The heterogeneity of our history is born out of the fact that we are all “contingent and innovative,” and this is where our true freedom lies.

Freedom requires equality and the exercise of freedom is power. A supposed act of “freedom” that is not grounded on equality is not power, but violence. Freedom is always deeply connected to political activity, and hence is connected to the public realm. This public realm is based off the Greek concept of polis, a close knitted society where they participate directly when it comes to politics, where they communicate with each and work together as equal men. A great example of this in the American society, according to Arendt, are the town hall meetings, where a person can participate in politics as a man among men, as a citizen among citizens.  As the American Revolution is a manifestation of that freedom, it’s also already flawed. The presence of slavery in the American society is its fundamental flaw. The greatest offence of slavery is not that it has taken away liberty, but the taking away of even the possibility of fellow men to fight for their freedom, since they are not permitted in the public realm.

This freedom and equality, since they are deeply connected to the distinct capacity of humans to think (in the perspective of others, and to judge what they think through dialogues), is what makes people fully alive.

(Hannah Arendt is more subtle in her political thought so everything you think is flawed in this concept is probably because of my misinterpretation.)

So, why is the relationship of Lelouch and C.C. a good model to this Arendtian concept? We all know that the entire basis of their relationship is partnership. They are each other’s accomplice. Their collaboration, their contract with each other, is also what sets Lelouch’s journey to create something new.  With the power that C.C. gave Lelouch, ironically the power of violence, Lelouch became fully alive. When C.C. asked Lelouch if he hated her for giving the geass, he said no. He chose his own path, the realization that he now can have the freedom to change something, the capacity to create something new, is what made him fully alive. For that, he was thankful.

At the end of the series, C.C. finally realized that she just didn’t want to accumulate experience, but to truly live. For all the years she has existed, she’d never met someone like Lelouch. What’s the difference? She wasn’t treated something special. Not a goddess, not a witch, not anything but a fellow person, someone you can stand on equal footing. If it means, for Lelouch, to turn into a warlock to emphatically say that C.C. is not alone, that someone can stand next to her as equal, he is willing to be one.

More than anyone in the series, no one knows Lelouch more than C.C., and no one knows C.C. more than Lelouch. They know their secrets, their pasts, and although they did hide things from each other,  they express their thoughts with each other as well. But that’s really not the point I want to make here. The thing here, to see each other as equal is a fundamental part of their relationship; it’s what binds them together. C.C. will not have that more open relationship with Lelouch if he started treating her as only a witch, something you only fear, or a goddess, something you only admire. C.C. is achingly human in front of him, because despite his attitude, that’s what she is to him.

Lelouch is not just Zero to C.C., he is not just the Emperor, he is not just the brother. He is, as she is to him, achingly human.

Episodes 15-16 of R2 really embodied this fundamental dynamic between the two. Everything is off, everything became different the moment C.C.  treated Lelouch as her master. I also love that little detail they put when Lelouch accidentally cut C.C.’s finger. I like to think that when Lelouch put a bandage on C.C.’s ring finger, is to reemphasize the mutuality of their contract, that like marriage, they are bound to each other, forever, until death do they part. In this case, since C.C. remains an immortal, their contract is perpetual. Which is also a different way of saying that C.C. will never be alone.

Their relationship is this: you value the essence of life, not because of the presence of death, as C.C. finally relearned. You value life because you are alive, and it means there is always something new to experience, because you can share it with others. Because you will never be alone in your thought. You will always have that someone you can have a dialogue with, someone you can share your thoughts with, someone you can make something new with. That when everything is said and done, history really doesn’t repeat itself. And that is freedom, that’s what makes you fully alive.

To quote Lelouch:

“A life without no changes can’t be called life. You can only call it experience.”

What about the fulfilment of C.C.’s wish?

At the end of the series, the camp that argues Lelouch isn’t really dead dead believes so because he hasn’t fulfilled C.C.’s wish yet. He didn’t make C.C. smile yet. I disagree. Lelouch fulfilled her wish. Look at how happy she was at the final clip of the series, when she was having a conversation with Lelouch:

That was a genuine smile. But, then again, to smile is not her real wish, right? Correct. C.C.’s wish is not to die. It’s also not to smile. It’s to be loved. We know this. Even so, Lelouch still fulfilled her wish.

She was loved.

Again, according to Arendt, love is the most apolitical human force.  Here, Arendt refers to the love born out of craving.  This love in the form of intimacy/craving is fatal, because it’s an expression of escapism, a form of hiding from the problems of society. It’s fatal, because it has the capacity to destroy the public realm, where freedom and equality lies. With Lelouch’s love to Nunally, he destroyed his goal to create a new future, a society with no hierarchy. If not for Rolo, he would not have survived.  I would argue, in this case, that Lelouch, more than C.C., seeks intimacy with Kallen the most. Between the two of them, Lelouch loves Kallen, based on the Arendtian definition of love. In two instances, whenever Lelouch lapses in his desire for a different political community, whenever he wants to hide from society’s problem, he seeks intimacy from Kallen. This love is born out of loneliness. More than anything else, it’s a thoughtless action because it reduces a person’s ability to tell what is right and wrong, to maintain the equality in the public. This intimacy that he seeks from Kallen short circuits both of their capacity to communicate with each other as equals. It is without the presence of reflection.  It’s a rejection of wordliness. Particularly in his love for Kallen, she is only a phantasm, where he only sees and tries to feed his own craving, and not the person in front of him.

Amor Mundi, or love of the world, is entirely different. It’s a form of understanding with what happened in this world, reconciling the self with the world as it is.  It’s an expression of human activity for the the continued  creation of human wordliness where we can live together as equals despite our differences. Amor Mundi is Arendt’s articulation of a different love that is not meant to destroy, but to build, to maintain our humanity.

The paradox of Amor Mundi is that it requires a form of distance. To express Lelouch’s attempt to maintain the human wordliness, to re-establish a political community based on equality, freedom, civility and friendship, rather than hierarchy, he has to let go of his desire for intimacy, his craving, with Nunnally, and yes, with Kallen. To seek for their love is to reject their humanity. Hence, why Nunnally had to keep asserting who she is and what she truly wishes to Lelouch, in the same way why Kallen also had to assert herself in front of Lelouch during his lapse of judgement.

So how did Lelouch fulfill C.C.’s wish? He gave her the love of the world. He gave her an answer on how to love the world. Slavery, genocide, isolation, war, pain, betrayal, rejection: C.C. is the embodiment of the complex and contradictory world we live in. How can you love an existence that seems to mock the essence of life? Love is not just between the person and the beloved, but a recognition of the space between them, that the other is not the same as you, and still to love the entirety of who they are. C.C. is what happens when we forget to love the other in a way that we recognize their differences, to see life in the perspective of others, she is what happens when we strip the world of humanity. Lelouch is the only one in the series who embraces (metaphorically) C.C. not despite of who she is, but because of who she is. Thus, he doesn’t hate snow, he finds it beautiful. As the Zero Requiem is his expression of his love of the world, it’s also his expression of love to C.C., our world as it is.