#where all this leaves were being swirled around like a tornado

[bumblebee-be]

pretty sure i just deeply concerned my father at dinner

[pit-and-the-pen]

Hi hi hi - saw your requests are open and I just NEED needy Azriel, I mean I want this man to be so downright desperate, hands and knees type beat just to touch and feel reader. Give me all the begging and dare I say….subby Az?

I give you full creative control on if you wanna add plot or not! Love your writing!!!

I am not used to writing desperate men so I hope I did this justice.

warnings: Smut (+18), begging, slight orgasm denial (more prolonging), teasing, p in v sex, oral (f receiving), wing play, Azriel just being needy and horny. Mostly unedited (per usual),

WC: 2.5k

Azriel assumed that this is what dying felt like. Well not really. He had been close to death enough times to know that this was the exact opposite. It felt like he was burning. It was rare that they got sent on different missions, even rarer still for one to get sent out without the other. But this mission required no males to be present and that left Azriel far away from his mate. Selfishly, he missed you. You were just doing your job. Helping evacuate a temple of priestesses and taking them to safety. But he wanted you here, back beside him in his bed. 

Every day still felt like the frenzy to him. More often than not the two of you are sneaking away to some corner or closet. He kept waiting for it to go away, for the day when his blood didn’t rage through him at the sight of you but the day never came. Not that he was complaining, you were the most beautiful female he had ever seen in his long life, and you were more than well aware of the effect that had on him. 

So he suffered. Days turned into a week and he had to leave your house entirely. Even being able to smell you on the sheets was making every inch of him ache. It didn’t do any good. No amount of training with Cass or burying himself in work. Nothing. Feyre and Rhys assured him that it was no trouble for him to stay but Azriel noted the wide birth the couple gave him as the days stretched on. Even his shadows were affected, either disappearing completely or swirling around him like a tornado. Whispering in his ears questions of where you were, where the small shadow that lived around your wrist was and just exactly why it had been so long without you. 

Azriel felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin and was about to lay into his brother for kissing Feyre in front of him when a shadow alerted him of someone entering your shared home. Not just anyone. You. He was out of the townhouse faster than he could blink, winnowing right to your front door. The front door that was still open, you just stepped through it. He stood still for a heartbeat. Only enough time for your smell to flood him. It was like a drop of rain after crawling through a desert. He took three long steps until he was able to wrap you in his arms. He felt all the tension leave his body at the felling.[A low rumble left his chest as he just held you tight against him, drinking in the feeling of your arms returning the embrace. Your hands were rubbing small circles into the middle of his back doing nothing to help the desire that was starting to burn through him. A small noise left your mouth as he scented his own arousal in the room, felt his body respond to the soft touches. 

You tried to pull out of his hold, peering up at his face slightly but he refused to let his arms loosen. Only pulling you tighter against him. Your hands trailed their way up his back, being mindful of his wings, until your fingers were resting in the shorter hairs on the back of his head, scratching at the skin there. Another low rumble pushed out from his chest, closer to a purring noise. 

“Sweetheart.” His voice was tight enough that you couldn’t help but look at his face now. He saw your lips part slightly as you took in his flushed face, knowing his pupils must have been blown wide at the crushing need that was racing through him. His shadows wrapped around the two of you, cocooning you in their warm darkness. 

“Did you miss me that much?” Your hand was now trailing down over his shoulder, his collarbone, his chest and lower until your hand had just brushed the front of his pants. 

The air whipped around both of you and you tried to adjust to the dim lights of your bedroom. 

Azriels hands were all over you. Tugging at the layers of your clothing. The silk overdress you wore was pulled over your head and thrown onto the floor. 

Azriel pulled on the strings of your corset, the stupid garment taunting him with every second it was still on your gorgeous skin. He pawed uselessly at the binding, all thumbs as you lightly giggled. He let his head rest on your shoulder. “Gods, please just get it off.” He mumbled against your soft skin. He felt your small nod and the flex of your shoulders as you went to unlace it yourself. Steadier fingers having it off in a matter of seconds. He pulled his head up and was greeted with you only in a thin under dress. That he could handle. Wasting no more time, he gripped the hem of the dress and pulled it over your head, throwing it into the same pile as your skirt. He whined,whined, at the sight of your bare skin. The slight swell of your breast, the  fullness of your stomach that was so soft under his scarred hands, wide hips that were perfect for him to grab onto. He looked at you like every inch of you was carved by the mother herself. 

He couldn’t stop himself as he sank onto his knees, like that golden thread was tied lower than normal. “Az..” You started, breath hitching as he slung your leg over his shoulder. He bit back a moan at the smell of your arousal. He wanted to drown in it. Glancing up at you, he could see your mind still far away. 

“Please. Want to make my mate feel good.” He groaned into the plushness of your inner thigh. The vibrations of his voice sending a shiver through you. Your head had barely nodded your yes before he dove in between your legs. He let out a loud throaty moan at the first swipe of his tongue between your folds. His arm going to wrap around your waist to keep you upright. Your back arched into his touch, bucking your hip when he latched onto your clit. His name was flowing out of your mouth as your hands tangled into his hair. Azriel let out a high whimper that lit your whole body on fire. You pull again and are met with the same high sound from him, matched with him trusting his tongue in and out of you. Your legs threatened to give out underneath you as he slid a thick finger into you. Eyes squeezing closed and throwing your head back as he alternated between slow languid flicks of his tongue and fast driving thrust with his fingers. You were racing towards your orgasm, and let your mate know as much 

“So close, Azzy” you moaned, legs trembling at trying to stay upright. His answering moan vibrating through you. Your toes curled against the floor, back arching pushing you closer to him and you were just about to tip over the edge when he pulled away, finger stilling inside you. 

“Az, what?” You were panting, head still a little fuzzy with the orgasm that was ripped away from you. He just shook his head, tongue sweeping out to clean off his face. He pulled his fingers out of you, a move that had you whining at the loss of feeling. Azriel rose to his full height and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling your lips to his. You could taste yourself on his tongue and it only made you deepen the kiss. His hands snaked down to the back of your thighs and you didn’t hesitate to let him lift you up, ankles locking behind his back. You thought he would carry you to the bed across the room but you instead felt one of the walls press against your back. 

“I missed you so much.” Azriel said into the sensitive skin of your neck before he sucked harshly on the skin. You rocked your hips against his, desperate for relief. Azriel pulled his head away from your neck to look you in the eyes. His pupils were so wide there was no sign of that comforting hazel. 

“Show me how much you missed me then.” A slight smirk graced your face when you heard his sharp inhale. He pressed his hips into yours, meeting your small motion. He swore lightly under his breath, a hand instantly going to fumble with the ties of his pants. Your own hands reached down to help since your position didn’t give him a lot of leverage. The two of you had his pants pulled down just enough to free his throbbing cock. You felt the bead of precum as it pressed against your stomach. His forehead pressed against yours as you reached down to line him up with your aching hole. He pressed his hips forward and he stilled after an inch. His breathing was already heavy and his wings twitched behind him. 

“Missed this too. Gods.” he pushed in until your thighs met, settling all the way in. Your head fell against the wall with a soft thud. “All I could think of was being inside you. How much I missed the way you feel around me, the way you taste.” His words were punctuated by long, slow pushes of his hips. You knew your nails were digging into his shoulders as every snap of his hips sent you up the wall. 

“Az, harder.” You stuttered out. He was moving too slow and as amazing as he felt you needed his faster, harder. Needed him everywhere. He rested his head into the crook of your neck, shaking his head in a no. 

“Want to take my time with you.” 

“Az please.” 

Another shake of his head and when you tried to press your heel into the small of his back, he wrapped a gentle hand around your ankle to stop the motion. At the contact you let your leg slide closer to the ground. Azriel looked up at your face, concern lined in his eyes. He pulls away from you and places a gentle hand under your chin. You don’t speak, just place a hand on the center of his chest and push lightly, he backs up until his legs are hitting the edge of the bed and you gently give him one last push so he’s laying on his back. You’re quick to climb onto his lap, sinking back onto him with a low moan. 

“Darling. What-” His cheeks are stained red and his voice comes out far breathier than you normally hear from the spymaster. Your thighs meet his stomach and he attempts to grab at your hips. 

“Oh no. You said you wanted to take your time, so we’ll take all the time I want.” You saw as you raised yourself off of him slightly and sank back down. He groans a broken version of  your name. Hands once again going to grab your hips. You let out an exasperated sigh and take his wrists in your hand. You press them above your head. And he could push you away in a second if he really wanted to, overpower you in a heartbeat. But he lets you keep his wrists pinned to the mattress, shadows swirling around the tanned skin under your hands, helping you hold him down you realized. “Keep them right there, Az.” You whisper into his ear, lips ghosting over the shell. He shudders slightly but nods his head. You release your hands from around his wrist and go to trail a single finger along the hard outline of his wings. He throws his head back, eyes scrunched closed as you run your nail all along the outside. Soft and steady. You reach the end and repeat the motion on the other side. 

“Gods. Please. Sweetheart. Move please.” He whines as your tongue licks along the same path of your finger. “Point made. Gods, just move.”

“I don’t think I will.” You breath against the sensitive membrane of his wings and you feel him throb inside of you. You pay it no mind, moving your hips at the perfect angle that your clit is rubbing against the hard planes of his stomach. A moan tumbles from your lips and he makes a small whimper. You feel his arms tense as he tries to tug against his shadows, but it seems that they took your warning more seriously that he did as they don’t let him budge. He bucks his hips, throwing all of his strength into the motion and you move on him. No amount of bracing could keep you fully seated. But you only give him that one thrust before you shift your attention back to his wings. 

His breathing is short and huffed as you alternate between licking and trailing your fingers against his wings. You sit up enough to see his face, his eyes are shut tight, the muscle in his jaw ticking with how hard he’s clenching his teeth together. 

Taking the opportunity, you give him a soft bite on his collarbone at the same time you lift your hips up. You move until he’s almost slipping out of you before you push back down. His wings flare out underneath him. His eyes open to look at you fully now. 

“Please. You made your point. Gods please. Move.” He babbles, sounding winded. His hands are clutching the sheet above his head. You surge forward to capture his lips as you start to really move. His hands are instantly on your hips, guiding you up and down on his long length. And you let him. You could tell he was already close, riled up from you playing with his wings for so long. 

“Wait. Sweetheart.” He whimpers out, trying to get you to slow down again. Trying to get you to cum before he does. But you only speed up your motions, 

“But you’ve been so good for me, Az.” 

“Want you.. This was supposed to be about you.” You ignore him again, closing your eyes and pushing your chest out at how good he feels. The way he fills every inch of you, the smooth glide of him against your walls. The only sounds are your moans and your skin meeting together. His hips meet yours perfectly with every thrust. Moans are tumbling out of his lips like sweet music. His hands squeeze your hips and hold you against him as he shudders underneath you. He comes with a roar and you moan loudly when you feel him empty inside of you. He keeps his grip tight as you ride him through it. You go to slide off of him but before you can you’re back is on the mattress, him hovering over you. 

“I’m going to enjoy every second of this.” He says before he lowers his lips to yours and makes you cry his name over and over again.

[roanofarcc]

PINKY PROMISE

pairing. javi rivera x reader

summary. trapped in a car as a horrifying 'fire-nado' rages towards you sends you into a panic and a fit of memories from the accident 5 years prior.

warnings. inaccurate movie scene. PTSD, mentions of injuries & characters' deaths. hurt/comfort. that fire-nado was crazy crazy.

word count. 1.4k || masterlist

Fear was something you had tried, time and time again, to swallow down and bury deep in hopes of getting rid of it all together. That was why you joined Storm Par under the impression that facing your fears was the only way to get over them; it had started to work too. Each time you faced down a tornado, you felt a little bit braver, and the tight knot of fear loosened just slightly. 

It had been a long time since you felt the overwhelming, all-consuming, kind of fear you had that day underneath the overpass. The day your friends slipped from your grasp, even after you promised not to let them go. It used to come back in nightmares, but they had faded as the years passed. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you had a handle on it all. 

A part of you worried that Kate being back would dredge up your fears and guilt, but it turned out to be more comforting than anything. And even though she was pissed at the less-than-ideal methods of Storm Par as a company, to which you didn’t fully know the ins and outs of, having her back felt like another step in the right direction. 

Javi started Storm Par because of his own guilt, a desperate claw at a fresh start. You joined him on a whim, partly because your love for storms never left you despite the accident and partly because you missed him more than you cared to admit. 

The two of you were on the verge of a relationship when the accident happened, two kids starry-eyed and full of love. Nothing happened afterward, the ties cut rather harshly as you, him, and Kate all tried to grieve on your own. But eventually, Javi found you again, and you didn’t plan on letting him go. You had to build back up to where you were, leading you back to the verge of a relationship but yet to fall into it, yet. But it was okay because you had plenty of time.

At least, you thought you did. 

“Holy shit!” Javi gasped, wide-eyed as he gripped the steering wheel white-knuckled. Your heart beat against your chest, watching the tornado rage through an industrial site, getting swirled up in smoke and flames. You’d encountered a lot of storms, but never have you seen one catch ablaze like that one. The sky was a terrible wall of gray and orange, and even though you were inside the truck, it was hard to breathe. 

With a shaky hand, you tapped on Javi’s shoulder, feeling that knot tighten as the wind picked up around you, beating like fists against the truck. “Get us out of here!” you shouted above the roar of blood in your ears. 

He tried, he really did, but Mother Nature had other plans for you, Javi, and Scott. Before you could take off or even escape the confines of the truck, the entire thing flipped on its side. 

A scream tore from your lips as you closed your eyes tightly, knocking your head against the door. Pain bloomed across the side of your head but what was more painful was the memories that forced their way to the front of your mind. All you could do was think about the accident, holding tight and teary-eyed. You felt your body shaking with sobs, but you felt disconnected. You felt back in college, thinking you were going to die. 

Something brushed against your wrist, clumsily. In the distance, you heard someone call your name. At first, it sounded like Praveen, low and carried by the wind. His hand had reached out for yours as you all ran for the overpass. His fingers brushed your wrist before he was violently pulled away, along with a scream from your throat. But that time, the touch on your wrist didn’t leave. It stayed, frantically searching for your hand. 

You forced your eyes open, half expecting to be back there, but you were still inside the truck with Javi’s arm twisted behind him from the driver’s seat to hold your hand. 

“It’s o-okay,” he said, his voice shaky. 

Scott’s labored breathing was the only noise he made for a long moment as the tornado, burning, raced too close. “We gotta…w-we-” he cut himself off as the noise grew impossibly loud. 

You squeezed Javi’s hand tighter, tears blurring your vision, and braced for the worst. But somehow, the worst never came. The wind pushed on the truck, but it hit it just right, rolling it for a horrible moment before it was pushed back upright. Something mixed between a sob and a sigh left your lips as Javi dropped your hand and booked the dented and damaged truck the hell out of the way of the storm. He drove in the tense silence of the truck for a good while, until the coast was clear. 

Pulling off to the side of the road, the three of you sat with nothing to say. It seemed like you all were fairly unscathed, but the knot inside of your gut was pulled so tightly that you felt like you were going to get sick. 

Scott fumbled around in his pocket for his phone, muttering about calling the rest of their team. You hardly heard the words exchanged between him and Javi before you shoved open the door and stumbled out into the road, trying to get fresh air to reenter your lungs and calm you down. 

A hand grazed your shoulder, and you flinched, spinning around to face Javi. Your body refused to stop shaking. 

“Hey,” he said, softly. “Are you hurt?” You shook your head. You didn’t think you had hurt anything, but the awful feeling running through your veins was the only thing you could feel. 

“That was close,” you whispered, not trusting your voice beyond that. 

“Too close,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead.  

You wiped your cheeks and tried to regain some composure, but when you glanced at your wrist, you caught sight of the bracelet you hadn’t taken off since your first day of college when a bright and smiling Addy appeared in your doorway with a bundle of friendship bracelet she was passing out to other students on the floor. Normally, it filled you with a sweet remembrance of the blonde, even after she died it brought you a strange sense of peace. But looking at it at that moment filled you with something else. The bone-breaking guilt and terror from that day lingered in the back of your mind like an unstable bomb, going off at the slight disturbance. 

It brought more tears to your eyes against your will, causing you to bury your face in your hands. 

Javi was quick, wrapping you in his arms and holding you close. You cried into his shoulder, wetting the fabric of his uniform. The two of you stayed like that for a while, until your sobs subsided and the knot in your chest allowed you to breathe more steadily. When you pulled back, he loosened his grip around you but didn’t let you go. One arm stayed hooked around your waist as he used the other to wipe the tears tracked down your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, a little embarrassed at your tense emotions. But Javi was quick to shake his head. 

“None of that,” he said, brushing this thumb across the zigzagged scar that decorated your forehead, gained from the accident. 

You raised your hand with the bracelet on it, a frown on your lips. “All I could think of was them.” Maybe you weren’t as healed as you thought you were.

Javi closed his eyes for a brief moment, lost in his own pool of memories for a moment before he looked back at you. “Me too,” he admitted before something flickered in his gaze, like he was trying to snap back into his current self and not the version from five years ago. “But we’re okay.” He raised his pinky finger up, a small smile playing on his lips. “And we still have each other.” 

You hooked your pinky around his, your own little handshake/promise to each other. “Promise?”

He leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead, where your scar was, and said, “Promise.”

[pumpkinbxtch]

𓇼 the sun & the sea 𓇼 〰✷〰

— apollo / lester x daughter of poseidon!reader

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv |

☆ radiostar is playin': blackbird by the beatles…! // eye of the night by conan gray...! // meet me in the woods by lord huron...!

warnings: none n/a: i'm so fuckin' proud of the prophecy i created. it's all, thank you. taglist: @emidpsandia

You arrived when the fun was already over, or well, something like that.

As soon as you got off Pegasus, your heavy steps echoed through the gravel, and the glasses of water belonging to some tired campers rattled at your presence. Percy turned around when he noticed everyone staring at him as if he was about to die soon. Despite being surprised by a tornado of water glasses swirling where the dining hall was supposed to be, he feared more the way you were looking at him. It took him quite a bit not to step back to avoid humiliating himself.

— Percy, what the fuck?! — You shouted, and he nervously smiled.

— Sis.

— None of that 'sis' crap — You approached, gave him a smack on the head, and he complained — I go out for a few hours with Mom to buy stuff for dinner, and you escape. You said you wouldn't come.

— How did you know?

— Blackjack.

— Oh.

Everything turned out as you feared, things didn't look good, and your brother ended up saving the stupid Apollo's butt again. After having an exclusive report about what was happening there, at the Big House, with Chiron, Dionysus, and Percy, the only reaction you got from yourself was a loud bang on the table that made the utensils jump.

— Sister…

— Where's Apollo? — The two older ones tensed up, and Percy just sighed.

— He'll leave in the morning, us too, just…— he growled as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. Now he understood why they were so alike, and sometimes that wasn't exactly a compliment. — let it go, he's having a really hard time.

— A god — You said incredulously.

— Ex — Your brother corrected, and he settled impatiently in his seat, as he had found something more important to tell you in order to divert your attention. — Leo is alive. — He announced, and you opened your mouth slightly with surprise. With that, Percy believed he was winning. — Listen, while we were all solving the, well, “inconvenience” at the beach, he was at Apollo's cabin. They wanted to make sure he's okay before he leaves with Apollo in the morning. He'll help him with his mission, not us.

— Oh, Percy — Dionysus sighed as he rubbed his temple with disappointment. He never believed his ability to make things worse was real or unintentional until he said that.

— What? — He said innocently until he turned his gaze towards you.

Your blood began to boil, and with anger, you managed to bend a metal knife from the fine cutlery that Chiron had barely acquired. The half-equine sighed silently, and before it could bid farewell to the rest of its tableware, it hoped you would keep calm. And calm was what you had been lacking for a few days now.

“Of course,” Percy thought, his lips pursed, “who would have liked to hear that at that moment?”

Shortly after, the three of them found themselves grappling with you to prevent you from leaving the house straight to meet Apollo.

— APOLLO! — You shouted fiercely, your voice echoing through every corner of the camp, as you managed to break free from their grip, and Dionysus had no choice but to make you faint.

— Alright, kid, you've exceeded your bedtime — And he touched your temple, making you lose strength in your legs.

You fought against that magic, but you only managed to reach the porch, with blurred vision and distorted hearing. There were only a few voices that you heard clearly in your mind before losing consciousness.

“Come to the forest, find us, you don't have to ask”

The campers stopped their final nocturnal activities and admired your body being dragged back into the Big House. When Percy greeted them casually while holding your ankle, they knew it was better not to ask. And although everyone found it totally normal, in the corner of Apollo's cabin, he himself was clutching his legs tightly, trembling and with teary eyes. Was there anything worse than the love of your life hating you to death? And the answer, for him, was no because he knew it and knew it so well that he was tired of it.

“Find us, you don't have to ask”

“come find us”

“You don't have to ask”

“Apollo is…”

You woke up startled and pulled the sheets with cold despite it being mid-spring. You were in your bed, and Percy was sleeping in his, everything seemed fine, so where had those voices come from?

— Damn Dionysus, you've made me crazy — You whispered as you lay back down and tried to sleep.

“The sea and the Sun...”

“Come find us”

“You don't have to ask”

You opened your eyes and looked around, was madness real? Or was something really calling you? Instinct spoke first for you, and with bare feet, you got out of bed, then out of the cabin. Just as if it were a charm, you only knew you had to go to the forest, and your feet obeyed that sudden desire.

“They can't come in now. Not until Rachel knows what's going on or how Apollo's grove works,” Chiron said at the table, just before everything went to hell.

“Especially you, girl, we know you, and we're telling you not to dare,” Dionysus warned.

“You don't have to ask,” the voice insisted, as if it knew what was going through your head at that moment, and without knowing what awaited you, you took the first step into the forest where your only company was the moonlight.

— Dionysus — Chiron warned. He appeared calm, however, the alarm in his words betrayed him. Of course, why wouldn't it, since he had just seen you enter the forest in nothing but your pajamas.

— We can't do anything now. The Grove found her, and as we've already seen with the other campers, it won't stop until she hears what it has to say. The good thing is that the Grove already has its voices channeled. — Dionysus leaned his forehead against the windowpane, still holding his coffee cup tightly, and let out a sigh. — Funny thing is that Apollo himself gave the girl the keys to know her destiny. What an idiot.

The truth was you didn't know how you had gotten there, but you could hear the murmurs guiding you among the trees, and it was late when a wave of fear enveloped you. You tried to run away when in front of you there was a set of trees different from those in the forest, and that's when you knew you had reached the Dodona Grove. You admired it, and immediately felt the presence of something utterly ancient, so old that you would never dare to defy it.

So, as if they knew of your arrival, the wind blew, and you saw some wind chimes hanging from the branches swirling with the breeze, making small whirls until they finally collided with each other. The chimes caused a tinkling that simultaneously deafened your surroundings, almost as if you had been submerged in water. For a moment, you were unable to hear anything, you looked up, and your eyes blinked with the moonlight. 

The voices that began to form as if traveling from afar to be heard gave you a twist in the stomach, that which you had dreamed of for a long time was about to be given to you.

"The sea and the sun are not far away as they look, even the greatest can't hide what the lovers need to through. One will long while the other fight, nothing more to do even if you try. It's the price to pay, no matter if the sun doesn't shine again, cause this is no more than the consequence. Cry a river or flood with love, all hangs in the hands of the man who now you love. This rhymes for him were different, but he hopes for put that ring and find what he's been missing."

The voices ceased, and they finished reading your future to you. Every word kept resonating in your mind, you remained speechless, you had no way of assimilating that instantly. You wanted to review those words better and hope for the best, and what was that? That it wouldn't be what you suspected? Or that it would come true just like that? You couldn't answer any of those questions.

Stunned, you began to walk back, or what you supposed was the way back. With a blank stare, murmuring the statements, shortly after, you realized that you were actually somewhat lost. You took several turns and felt overwhelming how the trees surrounded you, as if they were mocking you. It wasn't until the sun peeked out that you finally saw a path, which you found ironic. At that moment, you were only capable of responding to that, then as usual, your mind didn't let you be happy even for a moment when Percy's words reached your ears.

“They'll leave in the morning, just like us.”

And you ran. No matter how much your feet hurt, or how many times the branches of the trees hit you or got stuck in your clothes, you never stopped running, but you simply didn't seem to get anywhere. Your breath was short, you had to see Apollo before he left. You had to catch up with him and ask for an explanation, after all, he was the god of poetry and prophecy, so he could explain it to you in more detail… he… he… He had also hidden it from you, but why?

You ran even faster, pleaded with the gods, with the trees, whoever could hear you, to let you out of the forest. It was several minutes later that you saw the lights of the camp, as if they had always been there. You emerged, and many campers alerted your arrival, you must have looked terrible judging by their reactions.

— Where's Apollo?

— What? — Said a Demeter kid, who struggled to get the branches out of your hair, you just wanted to push them aside.

— Apollo, where is he? — You gasped and looked as Percy ran towards you.

— Sister!

— Percy!

They let you go with him, you almost crashed into his arms, and he held you tightly.

— Apollo.

Percy frowned and snorted.

— Again with that topic?

— No, where's Apollo, Percy? — Your serious face worried him, and he shook his head.

— They left almost at the end of the dawn, they left earlier than expected. — Your tears began to flow, and you struggled from your brother's grip. — What the hell's going on?

— Miss Jackson.

Everyone looked behind you, and you didn't bother to do otherwise. Dionysus and Chiron were looking at you anxiously, you could even notice their bloodshot eyes, as if they hadn't been able to sleep all night.

— That's why they didn't want me to get close to any oracle, prophet, or skeleton.

Your words were thinking, and realization could be heard in them.

— What are you talking about? — Percy asked, and you clenched your fists.

Chiron stepped back and pointed to the Big House, you just scoffed and walked into it with big steps, hitting your feet against the grass. Adrenaline was such that you didn't stop to think that it would hurt later.

— You have to go back to New Rome — You looked up and gave them a puzzled look, you couldn't believe what they were asking you.

— You want me to go back to New Rome with THIS happening?

Dionysus growled, and Percy kept his gaze fixed on his feet, barely managing to assimilate all the information he had been given.

— Girl, go back and mind your own business. The prophecy says so, you can't do anything.

— That's true, it's all in Apollo's hands.

— But—! — You cut off your sentence. Why were you fighting with that? You weren't in love with him, you denied him. He was a god, what kind of pity could you feel for him? They always made you flee from prophecies, most of the gods suck… but in that forest, something had changed. It was as if you had been able to see the truth of something, but it would still take you to put it all together. No matter.

Apollo… you never knew him so closely, was that intentional too? It doesn't matter, anyway, you knew he was an idiot. They called you “lovers” when both barely knew each other, maybe all that was a mistake, but it doesn't matter because you felt nothing for him, and without that, nothing made sense.

Dionysus and Chiron still watched you attentively, while Percy had already leaned on his forearms on the table, looking at you intently, as if trying to figure out what you were thinking. You sighed and started to feel pain in your feet.

— I hope Leo returns safely. after all, I couldn't see him — You said firmly, but with a hollow feeling in your stomach. You looked at your brother and smiled as if nothing had happened.— Let's go, Percy. Mom must be worried, and I have to go back to New Rome.

Before anyone could say anything, you left the house limping slightly straight to Apollo's cabin, it really hurt, and you couldn't afford to get sick before going back to college.

Percy got up and looked at the two older ones, his gaze hardened, as soon as he considered everything that had been hidden from him, too, but he didn't allow those feelings to take center stage. He wanted you to be happy.

— Do you think he'll come back? — He asked, and Chiron hummed while Dionysus made a somewhat discouraging face.

— It's hard to say, Percy. — Chiron sighed and shook his head, considering the odds. — Many things are at stake, not just Apollo returning to being a god.

That was enough for him, he was already used to the slim chances of success on a mission.

— Provided Apollo isn't as much of an idiot as usual and messes up. His egocentric butt is sure to get him into trouble, not to mention the fact that he has no powers. — Dionysus let out a small laugh that made Percy consider the supposed brotherhood he had with Apollo — He's like a newborn jaguar set loose in the cruel tropical forest called life.

— Work on your jokes, Mr. D — Percy said with disgust, and the god bared his teeth at him.

Your brother insisted on driving the car, he thought you had already done enough, besides making it clear that he didn't trust you after you spent the whole night awake in the forest. Obviously, you didn't have any ways to defend yourself, because it was true, and you were grateful for that, there was enough of that shit swirling in your head that you were trying to forget.

With the window down, the breeze caressing your hair, and the immense silence, Percy found it impossible not to ask.

— Do you feel anything for him? — He asked, and you were surprised that this time it had taken him longer to stick his nose in the gossip. You shook your head.

— No, Percy. Maybe, being kept away from him all this time has its advantage, and I'll never fall in love with him because I don't see how I could do that without even being close or knowing him better — You sighed and pretended something your brother longed to see, a smile because it was the first one in those days.

— Maybe that stupid prophecy is so old and stale that it's useless.

Percy nodded silently with his hands almost sunk into the steering wheel and his eyes fixed on the road ahead. More than anyone, he knew that couldn't be true; more than anyone, he knew that stupid prophecies always found their way, but he didn't want to say it out loud.

— Yes, maybe you're right — He said without conviction, and you could also feel the improbability in your own conjectures.

[forever-rogue]

Hey there~~~

Based on the last ep from TLOU, may I ask a request where reader was waiting for Joel in parking lot and she was very worried about the gunshots upstairs but when she sees him with Ellie in his arms, she knows immediately what he has done. Once they get to Jackson, Ellie and reader are too quiet and distance of him: Ellie suspicious of him and Reader not believing what just happened. And in the end, of course, they understand why he made all of this and forgive him. I think my request isn't easy, sorry😅 but I think that could be angsty but with a happy ending? don't know.

Ah, I almost forgot, Joel and reader are in established relationship. Thank uuu💟

AN | Sometimes decisions aren’t easy, or black and white.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, TLOU typical violence

Word Count | 2k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel and Ellie had been gone for too long. You knew you should have gone with them but Joel had insisted they'd be fine and thought it would be best to keep you out of it. Joel would have done anything to keep Ellie safe so you weren't too worried in that aspect. It was the mystery of not knowing what was going on that was making you anxious. You were tempted to go in there and see what was going on, but kept trying to convince yourself that nothing was happening.

They’d be back and in your arms before you knew it. You were positive. 

But then you heard the gunshots and suddenly you weren’t willing to wait anymore. Not with that. You grabbed your gun and turned off the safety, running towards the source of the noise. Was it a bad idea? Probably. But you didn’t mess around when it came to your family. And anyone that got in the way would be sorry they did so. 

“Joel!” you softened your footsteps as you listened and tried to follow the sound of the source. You still heard the yelling but it was starting to slow, causing your worry to spike, “Ellie!”

As soon as you entered the old hospital, you froze in panic at the sight spread out in front of you. Bodies littered the floor, all around you….the hairs on your arms stood up as you looked among them for any familiar faces. It looked like a tornado of destruction had gone through the place, leaving so much destruction and death in its wake. 

“Joel?” you followed the trail of bodies; you hated the fact that you were able to do to do so. You paused an operating room with the lights still on…and two nurses crying inconsolably, “what - what happened?”

“The man,” one of them cried, “he killed everyone - including the doctor! And he stole the girl!”

“Where did he go?” if you thought your heart was beating rapidly before, it was about to burst out of your chest now. They remained silent, clearly in shock and processing, “where!”

“Down the hall - downstairs,” you didn’t say anything else before you were out of the room and running towards the stairwell. At one point you almost slipped from the trail of blood; it made your stomach churn. 

“Joel!” maybe you were being too loud now but you didn’t care. You ran all the way down the stairs and burst through the door into the parking garage, “Joel.”

You found him standing there with Ellie in his arms, his expression empty as he stared at you. Near his feet was Marlene….dead and bleeding on the ground. Your eyes grew with fear and you had to choke down your sob. You’d known Marlene since you were practically a kid and now she was gone. 

Looking between her, Joel, and the unconscious Ellie, it didn’t take long to put it all together. 

“Get in the car,” and he turned away without another word and laid Ellie down in the backseat. You had a million questions swirling around in your mind and you were nauseous, but you slipped into the passenger seat without another word. 

Joel got into the driver’s seat and turned on the car, the tension between the two of you so thick that you could have easily cut it even with the dullest of knives. 

He didn’t have to tell you where he was going, you already knew. Joel wasn’t a hard man to read anymore, not these days and not for you. 

He didn’t even look at you, barely acknowledged your presence, and all you could do was stare out the window as you tried not to cry. 

When Ellie woke up, confused and scared, your heart broke further. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at her, instead only reaching back to squeeze her hand as a sign of reassurance. 

You closed your eyes as you listened to Joel explain his version of what happened. None of this was sitting right in your head or your heart. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“We’re going to have to hike the rest of the way,” Joel announced after the car broke down and Ellie had the opportunity to change her clothes, “it’ll be a few hours, but we’ll make it. We’ve survived worse.”

The two of you muttered your acceptances, and started to follow Joel. 

For whatever reason, he had done a complete turnaround and was talking to Ellie animatedly and happily. It was a conflicting thing; you loved seeing him so alive and chatty but you knew that you were being left in the dark. 

You hung back and decided to remain quiet - whatever you had to say could wait. Honestly, you really didn’t snap back into attention until Ellie started questioning Joel. Looking between the two of them you could see the tension on their faces, Ellie close to tears despite her best efforts. 

“Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true,” the look on her face was hard as she tried to get a read on him. 

“I swear.”

“Okay,” she gave him a nod but you could tell that she still wasn’t quite convinced, despite the fact that she desperately wanted to trust Joel. He was the man that had kept her safe, protected, the one who hadn’t left her. It would kill her to know if he was lying to her, “okay.”

You remained silent, but when Joel looked over at you, you only offered him a single nod in response. 

“Look,” Joel pointed to the distance where the sprawling Jackson had come into view, “almost home.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You might have been back in the house that had become home, back in the bed that was yours, but you weren’t able to find sleep. You’d been tossing and turning for several hours for about the fifth night in a row. Things had been tense at home and you still had so much on your mind.

Instead of trying to find sleep and potentially keeping Joel up, you rolled out of bed and went downstairs to make some tea. It was raining slightly, a bit of spring rain to welcome summer flowers, but you still went outside and sat on the porch. 

It was still dark out, but in the far distance you could see the beginnings of day slowly creeping up. You sighed and rubbed a tired hand over your face; you wondered if things would ever feel normal again. You had been so absorbed in your own thoughts that you didn’t even hear the door open or the creak of the porch.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” you startled slightly at the sound of his voice as you looked to him leaning against the banister. He sounded gentle, like he normally did with you, and it made your heart twinge slightly, “it’s late and cold.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you offered him a tightlipped smile, “didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I was awake,” he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh,” you wondered if it was the same thing keeping him up. 

“Ask me,” he sat on the bench next to you, leaving a small gap between your bodies but brushing his fingers along yours, “I know what you’re going to ask me so please, just ask me.”

“Why did you lie to Ellie?” your voice cracked and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, “and to me?”

“You think I’m lying’?”

“I know you’re lying,” you sat back and let out a long sigh, “I know you well enough to know that. And so does she - but she’s choosing to believe your lie because she loves you, Joel. Because she needs you in her life, because you’re like her father. It would break her fucking heart to admit to herself that you are lying to her.”

Joel sighed heavily, hanging his head before hiding his face behind his hands, “you don’t think I know? Of course I know that.”

“Why then?” you could hear the tears in his voice, “why? Tell me - tell me what happened.”

After a few long moments he looked at you and you could see the tears that had rolled down his cheeks. You didn’t even hesitate before reaching over and putting your hand on his cheek and brushing away his tears. 

“They were…Ellie,” you nodded, silently and softly encouraging him to go on, “you know where cordyceps lives in the human body.”

“In the brain,” you answered, worry creeping in and you were almost positive you knew where this was going. 

“In the brain,” he repeated, “in order to study it and potentially figure out how to make a vaccine, they need…to take it out and that would…”

He didn’t have to finish in order for you to know what he was struggling to say. 

“Joel,” you reached for his hand and laced your fingers together, giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“They don’t even know if this could have led to a cure, they don’t know if they could have made a vaccine or what they would have found,” he closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, “there’s so many unknowns, so many possibilities. But I think…the chance that it could have worked, that could have meant something, were so slim. More than likely it would have been pointless.”

“Joel…”

“I couldn’t do it,” he looked at you, eyes glossy as tears rolled down face, “I couldn’t go through that again. I couldn’t…I couldn’t lose her, not Ellie, not another daughter.”

Your heart broke as you watched him cry and you didn’t hesitate to throw your arms around him, and hug onto him as tightly as possible. You held him in silence for a few minutes as he buried his face into your shoulder, “it’s okay, let it out, my love.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I am sorry, to have taken the choice away from her.”

“She chose you and you chose her,” you squeezed your eyes shut as you rubbed his back, “that’s what happens when you love someone.”

“I’m sorry for how it all went down,” he pulled back and took your face in his hands, cradling it gently before wiping your own tears away, “but if I had a chance to go back, I’d do it again. I’d pick her every time. Every single time.”

“Yeah,” you nodded in agreement, “I know you would. I would too, for you and her. That’s not even a question.”

“And for you,” you knew it wasn’t even a question, but hearing it out loud still made your heart constrict, “I just…I know that I did the right thing, but I can’t…it’s all I can think about.”

“I think you know why,” you swallowed thickly, “Ellie deserves to know the whole truth. Until you give that to her, your heart will never be totally at peace.”

“I don’t know how I can look her in the eyes and tell her that I lied,” his mouth pulled into a thin line, “I know…she’s not going to be happy.”

“But she’ll understand,” you promised softly, “maybe not today, or tomorrow, but eventually she will. She knows you love her.”

“I hope so,” he exhaled shakily, “even if I come out the bad guy, she needs to know.”

“You’re not the bad guy,” you meant it, down to your core, “this isn’t exactly a normal situation to be in, and this world isn’t…normal. But we do what we can, and sometimes those decisions are not easy. There’s no black and white…sometimes life is just a big gray area.”

“What would you have done?” he’d pulled you into his lap and had his arms around, searching your eyes for the love and acceptance he so desperately craved, “please.”

“I would have done whatever it took to keep my family,” you whispered, “to keep you and keep Ellie. There’s no doubt about that. But I know it will never be easy, for anyone.”

You leaned in and pressed your forehead to his, leaning into his touch, “I love you.”

“I know,” you whispered, “I love you too.”

“I’ll tell her,” he promised, “I will.”

“I know.”

[brewsterispunkk]

sunshine state

PART ELEVEN: PAPER RINGS

pairing: benny miller x reader, benny miller x f!reader

WC: 3.6k

summary: things are revealed, a resolution is met.

warnings: abuse (physical, emotional), angry benny, idiots in love, they finally communicate

A/N: here it is. the last chapter. only the epilogue after this. I love you if you’ve stuck around this long.

PART ELEVEN: PAPER RINGS

The ride home was uneventful, blessedly. But, more than that, it was normal.

:readmore:

Normal, as in, it was as if the outburst you’d had the night before never happened. As if Benny hadn’t practically told you he’d be there come hell or high water. As if the whole trip hadn’t happened and you were back to being just friends—no strings attached, no baggage.

And you finally felt like you could breathe.

He made fun of your music taste, and you played backseat driver. He pretended to be annoyed at your feet on the dash and you pretended not to know that he was full of shit.

You were back to your old dance—casual touches and loaded words.

It was as if nothing happened. And, though it was more nerve-wracking than before, it was better than revealing your emotions and losing him.

At least, that’s what you told yourself.

- - -

The knock came a week later.

It’s been a week of torture on your part.

You’d finally had enough time to begin to process all that had happened between you and Benny at you parents’ house and in the days before, and you were nowhere near the end of understanding it all.

What you did know was this: You were in love with Benny.

He’d swirled into your life like a loud, blond tornado and you dreaded the day that he left, and the rubble he’d leave in his wake.

You’d gone back to work, inevitably, and when you weren’t dealing with obnoxious children on field trips to the museum, you were thinking about him.

What he was doing, what he was thinking, how he was feeling—it was like that past weeks had flipped a switch in your mind, and all you could think about was Benny.

And what was even more frustrating, Benny continued on as if nothing had changed. Which, you supposed, nothing had.

You wondered how long it would take for things to disintegrate.

Your answer came in a knock on Benny’s apartment door near midnight.

It was movie night—the first one since you and Benny slept together—and it was your turn to choose. You’d made it about a quarter of the way through Evil Dead when the knock caused you to jump.

“Jesus!” Benny jumped beside you.

It had been at a quiet part in the film, and you were both at the edge of your seat.

“Are you expecting somebody?” You asked confusedly.

You couldn’t imagine who it could be; Frankie and Mari had the baby, and Santi and Everett were on a weekend getaway.

“No,” Benny furrowed his eyebrows and stood up. “Who the hell could that be?”

You turned to face the door from where you were sitting on the couch as Benny made his was over tentatively.

“Ben,” you called, standing up as well and walking to the coat closet. “You want the bat?”

It was better to be safe than sorry in your book.

Benny nodded, and you reached to the back corener of the closet where you knew Benny kept the beat-up, metal baseball bat.

“Here,” you said.

Benny grabbed it and approached the door, peeking through the keyhole. He stilled, before sighing.

“Jesus,” he sighed, before opening the door. “The hell are you doing here, man?”

It was Will.

Will, with his hair messier than you’d ever seen it. Will, with a trashbag slung over his shoulder. Will, with his hoodie soaked through with rain from the December downpour outside. Will, with his eyes bloodshot. Will, with a cut above his eyebrow. Will, with a red cheek and a dark bruise forming around his eye.

You stopped in your tracks, and you saw as Benny’s shoulders stiffen as he took his older brother in.

“Shit, Will.” His voice was soft as he barrelled toward his brother, wrapping him in his arms.

One of Benny’s hands snaked to the back of Will’s head and the other wrapped around his middle. Will sniffed, before shuddering and practically collapsing into his little brother’s arms.

Benny pulled him inside and kicked the door shut behind him.

“It’s okay,” he said into Will’s shoulder. “It’s okay, man. You’re safe.”

Will sobbed into Benny’s shoulder and dropped the trash bag at his feet. He clutched at Benny’s shoulders.

“Shh, shh.” Benny looked at you worriedly over Will’s shoulder. “Let it out, just breathe man.”

You grabbed Will’s bag to set it on the kitchen counter, before making your way to the kettle and turning it on. Blessedly, Benny still had the lavender tea that Will liked in his coffee-drawer.

Benny led Will over to the couch.

“C’mon, man. Sit down, catch your breath.”

Will slumped on the couch, his head in his hands and cried.

It was sobering for you. Not because he was a man crying—you couldn’t give less of a shit about that—but because it was Will crying.

He’d always been a fortress, a mystery, a brick wall. The only times you’d seen Will’s armor crack was that night at Frankie’s.

Now, the armor wasn’t cracked, it was gone. And you felt your heart break. All the hurt and pain and anger that you still held for him faded away once you saw him there.

Benny sat down next to him and put his hand on Will’s trembling shoulder and rubbed up and down as he wept.

“It’s okay, It’s okay,” he cooed. “You’re safe. You’re safe, man.”

“I’m sorry,” Will’s voice was gravelly, like he’d been yelling or crying or both.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize. Take it easy.”

You had never seen Benny more careful, more calm. Like he was trying to talk down a spooked horse.

“I just,” Will said, before taking a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was more level. “She kicked me out. I didn’t know where to go.”

“She kicked you out?” Benny asked, voice soft and wary.

“Yeah.” Will swallowed.

“And did she give you that bruise on your eye too?” Benny’s voice was careful.

Will nodded.

“I’ll kill her,” you said, and Benny’s head snapped to you.

“Not if I get to her first,” he added.

Will half-laughed and shook his head before letting his head drop to his hands again.

“Yeah, I,” his voice was strained. “I’m not goin’ back. I’m done. I’m just done.”

“Okay,” Benny said resolutely. “Okay. You can stay here. Or, if you’d be more comfortable somewhere else, we can talk to Fish or—”

“Jesus, Ben. You’re my brother.” Will shook his head, teary eyes turning to Benny.

“Yeah, well.”

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” Will’s voice warbled so much that you yourself teared up. “I just—I don’t know what I was thinking. I was in so deep and she was so angry and—”

“Will, you don’t have to—”

“I never should have said that,” Will continued, sniffing. “I should have never,” he stopped himself before shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said with a level voice.

“I forgive you, man.” Benny said, hugging his brother.

“I’m sorry, smalls.” Will looked to you over Benny’s shoulder.

You smiled at him through watery eyes.

“It’s okay, Will. Water under the bridge.”

A part of you beamed at the nickname. He hadn’t called you that in months, hell he hadn’t called you anything in months.

A different part of you was validated at the reveal of Anna’s abuse. You’d always wondered; Will’s sheepishness, aloofness—it added up now. Your heart clenched as you wondered how long it had been going on. As far as you knew, Will and Anna had been together for years. How long had he been treated like this?

“It’s not,” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean it. If anything, I was projecting.”

You sighed.

“Will. It’s over, I forgive you.”

He nodded and opened his mouth to continue, but a sharp hiss cut him off. Behind you, in the kitchen, steam rushed out of the kettle.

“Here, I made tea.” You said, rushing to the cup you prepared.

You poured two cups, knowing Benny hates tea, and walked over to the couch, steaming tea in either hand.

You handed Will his tea and sat down on the chair beside the couch with your own.

“Will,” Benny said after a moment of silence. “How long has this been going on?”

Will swallowed, looking down at his tea.

“Uhm,” he ground out. “I don’t exactly know.”

You’d never seen him more uncomfortable. His shoulders were tense and he wouldn’t meet your eye.

“Has she hit you before?”

Will flinched at Benny's wording.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Never so severely, though. She slapped me a couple months ago and that was the first time.”

“Okay…” you leaned forward. “And did it escalate from there?”

“‘Course it did,” Benny interrupted. “Been around military men enough to know how this goes.”

“Ben,” you interrupted him softly.

His tone was impatient. Upset. You understood the sentiment—you were upset too—but addressing it so callously was something Will didn’t need.

“Sorry,” he said, before turning to Will, who was sipping his tea. He looked more relaxed already.

“When did it get worse?”

“Uh,” Will sighed. “About a month ago she threw a punch at me. I blocked it easily, but, uhm. You don’t always see that coming, yaknow?”

His voice sounded small again.

“Then?” Benny pushed gently.

You knew he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but you needed to get the full story. You needed to know if he wanted to press charges. Still, it may have been too much at once.

“We don’t have to do this now, Will,” you said. “We can talk in the morning.”

“No, it’s fine,” he sniffed and sat up a bit straighter. “Let’s just get it over with.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “Then what happened.”

“She started throwing things. Plates, cups, a few knives. She pushed me a few times.”

“Did she tell you not to talk to us?” Benny asked flatly, emotionlessly.

You didn’t like the darkness in his tone.

“Yeah,” Will leaned forward on his knees. “Said she’d leave me if I did. Or if I went back to the VA.”

Benny swore under his breath.

“What happened tonight?” You asked. Will sighed.

“She threw a bottle. Hit me in the temple, by my eye.”

“Jesus,” Benny said. “Was this before or after she slapped you?”

“After.” Will’s voice was small.

Benny stood up suddenly, standing in front of Will.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell us?” He burst, voice louder than it should’ve been. It was teeming with anger.

“Benny!” You scolded him.

“No!” He turned to you. “Why didn’t you tell me?! I’m your brother!”

“Exactly!” Will stood up now, toe-to-toe with his brother. “The hell did you want me to do?”

“Talk to me!” Benny threw his arms up. “We’re blood!”

“How the hell could I come to you with that?!” Will shook his head.

“With words!” Benny’s voice was edging on frantic. “I’ve been right here! This whole time! You should have told me!”

“Ben!”

You interrupted, jumping up and grabbing his arm. He was getting too worked up. You didn’t need a repeat of the last time the Miller brothers had an argument.

“You need to calm down or walk away,” you said, voice even.

Benny held eyes with Will before turning to you. He was stewing. You could see it in his eyes. You raised an eyebrow, annoyed. You would not be dealing with Benny Miller’s antics tonight.

“Okay?”

Benny huffed.

“I need a drink.”

As he walked over to the fridge for a beer, you rubbed your eyes. Then, Will snorted.

“Exactly,” he mumbled.

“What?” Benny asked from the kitchen, sipping his beer.

“You had her, Ben. That’s why.”

You stopped in your tracks.

What?

“The hell do you mean, I had her?” Benny’s eyes were wide and incredulous.

“You had her. You were happy, Ben. Finally. I wasn’t about to get in the way of that.”

“Fucking Christ! You could never get in the way of my happiness!” Benny burst, voice strained.

He looked like he was about to cry, the emotions were so clear on his face. It was Benny’s best and worst trait—he wore his emotions on his sleeve.

“Besides,” he lamely added. “Nothing ever comes before you. Next time, when you need me, call me. I’ll be there.”

“Yeah right,” Will chuckled. “I didn’t want my issues coming between you and your lady.”

“My—Will,” Benny sighed. “She’s my best friend. That’s it.”

Your heart dropped, and all of a sudden you felt like you were intruding. Like this conversation wasn’t meant for your ears. You sunk into your chair.

“Okay, Ben.” Will rubbed his eyes, blinking rapidly. “Sure, she is. I just–I’d like to go to bed. I’m dead on my feet and I don’t want to fight with you.”

Benny sighed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, you’re right.”

There was a moment of silence before Will sighed.

“C’mere,” he reached out and embraced Benny.

Benny relaxed into the hug, burying his head into Will’s shoulder as if he were a child again. When he pulled back, he patted Will’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about bringing you into this,” Will said. “Both of you.”

You shook your head, still stung by what Benny said, but even more so: at a loss for words at what Will had just told you.

“Shut up, man.” Benny said. “If you ever pull shit like that again, I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah, okay.” Will chuckled. “I got the couch.”

“Nah, man. Take the bed.”

“No—”

“I won’t be sleeping tonight anyway.” Benny said, eyeing the rain outside.

A look of realization crossed Will's face.

“Thanks, man. I—just, thanks.”

“Go sleep, asshole.” Benny said with affection. “You can shower too, if you want.”

“Okay.”

As Will went back to the bedroom, you and Benny were left in silence.

He threw his head back against the back of the couch and sighed.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” you added. “Do you think he’ll press charges?”

“I don’t know,” Benny sounded tired. “Knowing him, he’ll want to bury it. Pretend it never happened.”

“We can’t let him.”

“I know,” Benny nodded. “He wouldn’t survive it. I’ll take him to the VA in the morning. We’ll figure it out from there.”

You nodded.

You looked at your phone, searching for the time.

1:30, it read.

You hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. The storm outside was still raging, and this was no summer rain—this was torrential, and freezing. You shivered just thinking about walking the block and a half back to your own apartment. Still, sitting in silence with Benny like this was torture.

You felt useless. You wanted to tell him so much, and now was neither the time nor the place.

Besides, this was a family issue, and you didn’t want to fuck it up like you had in the first place.

You felt like you’d caused this problem, you didn’t need to add to it.

“I think I should head out.” You broke the silence.

“You sure?” Benny’s head snapped to you before looking out the window. “It’s pretty bad out there.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I don’t need to be in your hair.”

“You're not–”

“You’ve got your brother. I don’t wanna complicate it.”

You didn’t look at him, but you could hear the confusion in his voice when he spoke next.

“Okay,” he sounded unsure. “At least let me drive you, though. It’s raining cats and dogs.”

You nodded, knowing that he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and reached for your bag.

As you heard his keys jingle on the way out, you wondered if this would be your last time leaving his apartment.

- - - -

He insisted on walking you up—no matter how many times you told him it was unnecessary.

“But what if you slip and fall?” was his first excuse. “What if there’s some creep in the stairwell?” was his second. Eventually, you relented.

You twisted the key into the lock and sighed.

Finally, you thought.

You could lick your wounds in the peace and privacy of your own home and not have to worry about his big, green eyes scrutinizing you as you did.

“Okay,” you said as you turned the knob. “No creeps or slips. I’m fine. You’re good to go.”

Benny looked at you seriously, all previous joking gone from his face.

“I actually, uh,” he sighed. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

Your stomach dropped to your feet.

Here it comes, you thought.

You nodded numbly.

“Uh, okay,” you said. “Come in.”

You beelined for the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of wine from a bottle you’d opened the night before, nearly missing an excited Salem in the process.

“Want a glass?”

“No, that’s okay,” he said, following behind you.

You took a gulp before turning to him, begging your nerves to quiet themselves.

“So…” you began. “Is this about your brother?”

“Uh, yeah.” Benny said, voice gravelly. “Kind of.”

You braced yourself. Here it was, the final blow.

“Okay.”

“He was right.” Benny said, looking at you earnestly. Your brows furrowed.

“What?”

“What he said,” Benny paused. “About me. I had you, and,” he paused, “and I wasn’t there for him.”

“I don’t understand—”

“It’s not about you, honey. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“Ben, you couldn’t have possibly known–”

“You don’t know that, though.” He looked more sad than anything. “None of us ever will, because I was too preoccupied to notice what was happening to my own brother.”

“New friend-friendships can do that to a person,” you offered, stuttering on the word ‘friend.’

“I don’t want to be your friend!” The volume of his voice made you jump, and your lower back hit the kitchen counter.

Your eyes widened at the admission.

“I want to be so much more than that.”

You were silent for a moment as you searched his face for any hint of a joke. You found none, only his anxious face, green eyes open wide in anticipation.

“But,” you stuttered. “You said–you said we were just friends.”

“Honey,” Benny sounded exasperated.

“No!” You burst. “You-you said we were just friends, that you were just doing me a favor! You–”

“What?”

“Benny, you gave me all the signals that said you didn’t want anything—”

“Like hell I did.” He shook his head.

His hands went to your shoulders, then up to either side of your face. His face matched his voice: he sounded like he was losing resolve, holding himself back from something.

“All I do is want,” he pressed his face closer to yours, his eyes pleading. “God, honey.”

“You wouldn’t let me touch you,” you pressed, voice growing smaller as you saw his desperation.

“What are you–”

“At my parents’. After you–after we–you wouldn’t let me touch you, Ben.”

“I didn’t wanna get greedy.” He pressed his forehead to yours. “If I’d started with you, honey. God, I’d never be able to quit.”

You breathed out a sigh, finally melting into him.

Your arms went around his middle, your forehead falling somewhere on his neck.

“Oh my god, Benny,” you breathed. “This is not how I thought this conversation was gonna go.”

“What do ya mean, honeybee?” he asked, arms coming around you and swaying slightly.

“Thought you were gonna end it. Let me down gently. Finally realized it’s not worth it.”

You felt Benny shake his head, before he pulled back, hands on either side of your neck.

“Funny,” he said. “I’ve been thinkin’ the same thing about you for months.”

You shook your head, a small smile on your lips. Benny’s eyes roamed up and down your face, eyes fond and unencumbered.

Your eyes held each other, for the first time, with no preconceived notions or masks. You were here, finally acknowledging what you’d been dancing around for months.

An errant thought made you start.

“So,” you began softly, not wanting to break the moment just yet. “What is this going to mean for us?”

He furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean–are we going to continue like we’ve been? Is this gonna be friends with benefits, or–”

His lips pressing into yours cut you off. The suddenness of it made you gasp, and Benny took advantage of that, pressing the kiss deeper. His palm grabbed your face, man-handling it to tilt up toward him. His other arm snaked around your waist and pulled you flush against his front.

You kissed him back, and he sighed into the kiss.

No matter how many times he kissed you, it felt like the first time. When Benny kissed, he kissed with his whole body—his mouth, his hands, his chest, his voice—you were addicted. You would never grow tired of kissing him, you were sure.

When he pulled away, he sighed and pressed wet, long kisses to either of your cheeks, then your eyelids.

“There will be no ‘friends with benefits,’” he said with more conviction than you’d ever heard in his voice.

“I’m gonna take you out. Then, I’m gonna take you out again. I’m gonna get you flowers and bring you breakfast in bed and make you laugh and I’m gonna be around so much you’ll be sick of me.”

Your breath left your lungs and you looked at him with wide eyes.

“And some day, I’m gonna marry you.”

You laughed, half from joy, half from how serious he sounded.

“Hey,” he fake-chastised. “Our marriage is nothing to joke about.”

You just threw your head back and laughed.

“At least take me out to dinner first,” you smiled.

“How does Tuesday night sound?”

“Hmmm,” you hummed, eyeing his lips again. “Pick me up around seven?”

“It’s a date.” He said, lips finally pressing to yours.

[radioactive-earthshine]

Trick or treat!🪲

🍁You get a TREAT! 🍂

Here is part of the intro to my unpublished KonBart Camp Counselor Fic that is currently paused.

Enjoy the leaf fight!

🍁

“Okay, so how do we, like, do this Bart?” Kon reached into the pile and grabbed a mass of leaves, they were dry and smelled like the earth and dew. No response came and he looked away from his pile towards Bart’s direction and found he was alone. “Bart?” 

The backyard was eerily quiet, only the wind rustling the leaves and the jingling of Joan Garrick’s wind chime answered him. “Did you really go to get more leaves?! I was jo- ARGH!” Kon was suddenly blinded by a deluge of leaves, an absolute torrent of red and gold choked him under a rustling hiss that he thought would never end until Bart’s laughter broke through and the leaves stilled. 

What was once a towering behemoth of leaves was now a crumpled, scattered plain littered  around Kon’s feet and Bart was doubled over himself as he laughed at him.

“You asshole!” Despite having just survived a leaf tsunami Kon was still armed with his original mound of leaves caught in his hands and he thrust the pile upon Bart in a colorful burst. “I wasn’t even ready yet!” 

“Payback for the snowball fight last year!” Bart revealed through giggles as he plucked leaves out of  his fluffy hair. 

“Oh come on! So what’s a little…” Kon’s eyes suddenly lit up in the brightest most intelligent aqua blue that had ever contained a soul. The epiphany that fired off in his brain was so loud even Bart saw it coming. 

“Uh oh.” Was all Bart got out when suddenly every single leaf scattered throughout the lawn stood up on end in attention and then swirled together, descending upon Bart in a wild tornado as he yelped. 

“How does that feel huh?! That’s tactile telekinesis you can thank!” Kon hooted with a wide grin. 

Bart broke out of the pile immediately and Kon felt him slip through his telekinesis, he could have held him there, ensnared like a flailing squirrel as he pummeled him with a leaf cyclone but instead he let him go. Bart never did well being held in place and he didn’t want to get bit later. 

There was still a chance he was going to get bit anyway as they flung leaves at each other. It was a full blown war between speed, tactile telekinesis and agility as leaves were flung and tossed and exploded across the yard all accompanied by yelps, hoots, loud guffaws and swears. Inevitably, wads of crispy itchy leaves were thrust under shirts and when Bart put one lone leaf in Kon’s mouth the battle ended as Kon tackled him to the ground into the leaves.  Kon spat it out immediately. “Really?! In my mouth?! In my mouth!? Ya want to eat leaves, Bart? Ya want some leaves?! Do ya like salad Bart?!” Kon grabbed a fistful of leaves and shoved them in Bart’s face where he shrieked and swatted them away.

[asukamood]

Birthday special (Me)

***

It’s my birthday today! I have decided to write myself some Drue to celebrate it and it’s also a way for me to spend this lovely day with you all 😀

So let us rejoice in this!

***

Warnings: Panic attack

Synopsis: Today was supposed to be a good day.

So why, of all days, why was today the day Life had decided to make him deal with a panic attack?

***

Today was supposed to be a good day.

He had less work than usual and none of his subordinates had rushed to his office in panic to inform him of any kind of dramatic problem that he had to dispel one way or another.

There was no meeting to be upheld so no one to look at him in expectation in wait for one of his enlightening ideas.

There was no speech scheduled so he did not have to feel everyone’s piercing gazes from afar, history’s eyes set onto the target of his back, nor did he have to endure the stress and panic at the idea of stumbling on his words and making a fool of himself.

The door to his alcohol stash was sealed shut still so he did not have to worry about relapsing and breaking the promise he had made to a dear friend.

None of those stressful factors were present.

So why, of all days, why was today the day Life had decided to make him deal with a panic attack?

He had just been doing paperwork as usual, it was fine.

It was supposed to be fine.

So why was it not?

His hand had started to shake.

He noticed but he tried to ignore the trembling of the limb and keep writing.

It did not work.

His hand trembled enough to leave an ugly smear of ink on the sheet he was writing before it spiraled out of control, and he eventually let go of the pen. He tried to pick it back up but every time his fingers wrapped around the item; it would jolt away like it had been electrified.

He frowned as a heavy feeling crept its way through his chest until it was wrapped around his soul.

He brought his hand to his face and his eyebrows furrowed slightly more as he focused on how uncontrollable his hand was being.

Unknown to him, his hand was not the only thing that had started to become uncontrollable, his breathing had begun to act up.

The weird feeling squeezed his soul.

He pushed his spinning chair back, attempting to stand up.

He did not know why exactly but something was terribly wrong, this room felt like it was suffocating him, the walls closing in and leaving him no room to escape.

He had to leave.

His knees buckled under him when he stood up, forcing him to lean onto his desk with his two hands to stabilize himself. He could feel his soul beating his rib cage to hell.

One of his hands left the desk to grip at the front of his shirt instead, right above where his soul would be. He felt like blazing flames had engulfed him whole but at the same time, the sensation of being buried beneath thick layers of icy snow did not leave.

His breath got quicker as he tried to suck in oxygen through his mouth.

The silence was deafening.

He had to leave.

He took a step on his left, still holding onto his desk for dear life and accidentally knocked over a cup that fell to the floor and shattered. He barely noticed it when he crushed one of the shards with his foot.

He had made it to the end of the desk, but it felt like he had just run a marathon. He eyed the door in front of him, it was not too far away, surely, he was going to make it.

He had to leave.

But he could not, apparently, his legs having given up on him halfway and he collapsed. At least, he had managed to sit up against the door.

By now, saying that his vision was blurry was almost an understatement.

It was safe to say that he was pretty much blinded by it.

All shapes have been strangled beyond recognition by the heralds of anxiety and the colors swirled together in a frantic tornado, urging Dream to shut his eyes closed.

His ears were ringing.

His eyes were burning.

His head was aching.

He had to leave.

“...eam?” A voice vaguely called out to him, but he paid it no mind, preferring to focus on figuring out what the problem was in the first place.

“Dream?” The voice got louder and closer, it was not a figment of his imagination. Although, he would rather have it shut up now. The sound of a voice was only making his headache worse.

“Dream.” The owner of the voice seemed to sit up next to him and Dream groaned, bringing his legs over his chest. “What’s the matter?”

He felt sick.

He tried to tell the other person, whoever it was, to leave him alone or something of the sort. He could not be bothered to sort out his thoughts, but he only ended up sighing instead.

It was still hard to breathe.

His chest felt so tight.

“I’m going to touch you, okay?”

Vaguely, he could hear the other person inching closer to him before they lowered his knees. He let them do as they wanted, having the feeling they were no threat despite not being able to recognize who it was exactly.

His eyes remained closed.

That person put their hand on top of his hand, the one who was gripping his shirt and started rubbing soft circles on his knuckles. He tried to focus on the touch.

Why did it feel so familiar?

“Can you state three things you can feel for me?” Dream frowned in concentration.

“Your hand...” His other hand started to feel the ground. “The carpet...” A wind current sneaked in through the open window, grazing at his cheek. “And the wind.”

“Good, three things you can smell?”

… “Blueberry, coffee and-” He sniffed the air again. “Vanilla.”

He was starting to calm down.

“Okay, move three of his limbs then.” He shook his head then moved one of his feet and last but not least, raised one of his hands.

After that, he risked opening his eyes again. Thankfully, they did not seem to be out for his blood again as his vision had gone back to normal, the colors no longer burning his irises.

He blinked a few times before turning his head, meeting Blue’s eyes. He blinked awkwardly as he recognized him. “Blue?”

Well, he supposed that it was better to have been found him by him than one of his subordinates (or worse, a paparazzi. Dream shuddered in horror at the thought.)

“The one and only.” He smiled, taking the hand he had been rubbing slow circles on before bringing it to his face, kissing the knuckles. “How are you feeling now, angel boy?”

Dream masked his heated cheeks with a deadpan expression. He retracted his hand, letting it fall to his side. He could still feel tingles from where Blue kissed him. “I’m okay.” Then, after a few seconds of hesitation he added, “Thank you.”

Blue’s smile widened. “There is no need to thank me. Though, I would rather not be given such a fright again, I almost thought someone drugged you!” He dramatically shook his head. “What happened to you anyway?”

“I wish I could tell you.” Dream sighed, leaning back onto the door behind him. Suddenly, he felt like the entire world had fallen onto his shoulders. “I was just working as usual and it just, hit me.”

Blue hummed. “Sounds to me like you’re in dire need of rest.”

Dream eyed him before sighing. “You make it sound like I could just take a day off any time. I have work to do, I cannot be slacking off.”

“The multiverse isn’t going to crumble because you took a break.” Blue retorted, tracing the outlines of his hand with his finger. “Besides, your mind isn’t clear enough to go back to work yet, you won’t be as efficient if you were to go back to work now.”

Dream frowned. He had a point. “Plus, what would they do if you were to take a day off? Stop you? No one has much authority as you do, you are aware of it yourself. If you were not, you would not be doing this to yourself.” Blue lifted his hand before his fingers slipped beside Dream’s own, intertwining their hands.

Against his better judgment, Dream let him.

“You deserve and desperately need a break, so why not indulge yourself in some rest while you’re not too busy to do so?” He said nothing, preferring to look away.

Though, it was clear that Blue had understood it meant that he won.

“Splendid!” He exclaimed before getting up. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor though so stand up for me, will you?”

Dream nodded and a few minutes later, he was lying on the couch and peacefully sleeping as Blue entertained himself in running his hand through Dream’s soft locks.

[bunnywalkcr]

prompt 002.

who: bunny / self-para when: september 28, 1990 where: the walker estate ; 12:41 am

In the wake of the storm, Bunny finds that she can't quite sleep.

The winds have died away and the skies have long since cleared. Even now, looking beyond the wide window beside her bed, Bunny sees the faint pinpricks of stars dotting the night sky. But when she closes her eyes, the stars vanish; suddenly, she's back where she was when the storm hit, with its howling winds and wayward whispers...

It was her love of coffee that had brought her downtown. And not just of a regular, black cup of coffee—something she could have easily made at home—but one of the seasonal lattes they made at The Ceramic Cup. Autumn always brought specialty flavors like cinnamon apple and chai spice to the local coffee joint; sweet drinks that could chase the chill from her bones on cold, grey days.

Not to mention, Bunny had fond memories of The Ceramic Cup: sitting in the sun-spotted café as a child, sipping strawberry milk through a straw; her mother drinking espresso from a tiny cup, her lipstick leaving a red crescent moon on its glossy side. Meeting boys in high school for first dates outside its glass doorway, sitting side-by-side with past crushes on the creased vinyl couches. It was a place that made her feel connected to the way things used to be. Even as she'd parked her cream convertible Chrysler TC in one of the angled public spots near the square and slid out of the driver's seat, she'd noticed the sudden weight of the clouds above her head. When she had left home, the clouds had been little more than a layer of white frosting covering the blue sky, with sunlight occasionally peeking through. Now, they seemed suddenly darker, swollen, charged with a pre-storm tension.

She'd wrapped her arms around herself as she'd turned the corner and marched up the sidewalk, the wind tugging at her hair with restless fingers. The warmth inside The Ceramic Cup was welcome; stepping across the threshold, Bunny let out a breath she didn't quite realize she'd been holding. But a shiver ran down her spine all the same as the door rattled shut behind her.

No sooner had she settled herself at a small table, a purple mug brimming with latte foam cradled in her palms, than she noticed the way the wind had picked up. Loose sheafs of paper and empty bags spun along the sidewalk in addition to brown and golden leaves. The top branches of trees bent unnaturally forward, as if being tugged on by a string. The tiny bell above the coffee shop's main entrance tinkled ominously in the draft that seeped through the cracks in the doorframe.

Bunny waited, coffee cup clutched between her breasts, watching through the window with wide eyes. She waited for the rain to break, for the thunder to boom, for lightning to split the sky. But the winds only grew more fearsome, howling and hungry as the clouds swirled above. When the windows started to shake, other patrons looked up, too—some with furrowed brows, some with anxious eyes. The door began to swing open and shut on its hinges, and a few customers rose abruptly from their tables to grasp the handle and pull it closed. Mugs chattered on the wooden shelves. Is it a tornado? one worried voice asked. Or an earthquake? another chimed in. Branches were wrenched free from the trees and the ground seemed to quiver. The worried voices rose, a swell of anxiety. One of the baristas shouted for everyone to take cover! Bunny was on her knees beneath the table before she realized she was moving. Around her, the uneasiness grew. The voices of her fellow patrons were muffled by the screaming winds. A baby began to wail, and a mother shushed it too loudly, frantically.

And then she heard the voice.

( Maybe, she thinks now, maybe it was just a voice inside her. Her hateful inner monologue adopting a new tone. But then, at that moment the voice had felt surely and entirely separate—something else, something other, something had invaded her her mind and violated her thoughts ).

I see the truth behind those carefully spun lies, the secret your family hides for you and the darkness you can't escape.

The voice faded almost as quickly as it'd come, drowned out by the rattling of windows and anxious cries of the people around her. But the impact of those words seemed to settle inside her, a weight in her bones. It made it hard to stand back up.

The wind had quieted soon after, and Bunny had emerged alongside others from beneath the relative shelter of their tables. Eyes had met with mutual expressions of fear and confusion. Hands had trembled and mugs had broken, shiny ceramic shards of green and pink and yellow across the linoleum. Bunny abandoned her own half-drunk latte on the tabletop, slinging her purse haphazardly over her shoulder to push through the front door of the coffee shop, into the mess that lay before her.

[psychhippie]

12 Days In

12 days. That's the metal house of hell I've come to call home for the past 12 days. The up and down zipper motion hell of it all felt like an eternity. Then, I didn't feel like myself. I didn't like who was reflecting at me in the mirror when that person would be staring back. I felt like I was slowly slipping into the insanity that I couldn't escape. Or maybe I didn't want to find a way out of this prison that I had entangled myself in. It felt like 12 days had encompassed me in a cocoon that I couldn't break free of. I sat in self-pity and self-loathe as I contemplated every option I could that circled around in my mind. What would they think of me? Would they approve of the life choices that I have thus far made for myself? Are they looking at me and thinking every unimaginable slur they could? Or do I wish they would come and keep me occupied while I was rotting away all by myself? The thing is: I don't know if they know who I am, let alone know who I was to them.

Eyes. I remember their eyes and how they bore into my being every time I would catch them glancing in my direction. The way they were influencing me with their shadowy seduction of rebellion. No matter what I did to try and stop myself from falling beneath their glow, I had no power compared to what they ensnared into my flesh to keep me tethered to where I am.

Hands. God, their hands were amethyst velvet that skated across my skin when they would touch me. I was putty in their sculpted, carved-out hands that knew what they did to me every time our bodies intertwined for lovemaking. I should have known that they would become my weakness when I needed them for strength.

Mouth. My memory is etched with their dagger-like tongue whispering degrading things into my ear when they were angry with something. I fell for their jagged, manipulative mouth that I found soothing through the chaos that swirled around in my mind. I let them break me down as I watched myself turn into something and someone I won't recognize when I watch my reflection mirror me.

Them. I breathed them in when I felt vulnerable at the plummet of my demise. All I had in those moments were them. I could feel the cage walls closing in on me whenever they were around. I could feel my unsteady heartbeat quicken as they approached me. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes whenever they trapped me in with their poisonous aura. I felt like I was becoming a shell of who I used to be. That was someone I used to admire and look up to. I felt lost, almost incomplete without them in my life.

12 Days In. That devastating 12-day cycle I let consume me changed my perception of why they were the way they were. I felt as though I was empty and nothing when I was around them. I felt as though they took every last bit of who I was with them when they left me to wilt on my own. I was drained and nauseated at just the mere thought of them crossing my mind. I could feel myself feeling nothing but everything they left behind coming towards me like a tornado. The irrefutable damage that they caused has left lasting scars that are bound to break more with every wrongdoing. I feel almost inhuman when I'm around them at times, but I couldn't help but crave every inch of every piece of attention they served my way. I knew I was putting myself in a toxic situation that got harder to leave as the days crept on. I counted the days that I had been with them. I was 12 days in when I allowed myself to be treated like a worthless piece of nothing that nobody wants. I was 12 days in when I found myself getting distant and anxious every time I would see them. I was 12 days in when I saw my light that gave direction on where my journey was taking me.

I was 12 days in when I gave myself healing and power to flourish without them next to me. I was 12 days in when I gave myself me.

[cartoonbrat16]

The elemental:chapter 2

Jen groaned as she awoke with a painful sting in her eyes. "ow, ow, ow!" Jen exclaimed and quickly removed her contacts letting them fall to the floor. Jen headed to the bathroom and polished some water into her eyes.

After the sting was gone Jen looked at her reflection in shame. Jen quickly covered her right eye with her hair and went to get dressed. After Jen was ready she went and sat at the table where Gwen was typing on her computer. "What did Grandpa plan for today?" Jen asked and Gwen looked up "Fishing trip." she said and Jen nodded.

Jen laid her head on the table and watched the wildlife that was nearby. Jen rubbed her eye feeling an itching sensation in it. 'Great a day full of eye irritation.' Jen thought and stood up. She headed outside and walked over to the lake. The sun shone off the water giving it a beautiful effect.

"nice to see you awake." Jen turned to face her Grandpa and he raised a brow. Jen stood to her feet "I left my contacts in for too long." Jen said and Max nodded before they headed back to the RV. "There are eye drops in the bathroom you can bring them with you in case you need them," Max said and Jen nodded before heading to the bathroom.

Jen sighed as relief washed over her eyes "That is much better." Jen said then placed the bottle in her pocket. She headed back out and caught up with her grand and cousin. They boarded a boat with the captain being a man named Shaw. He and Max made conversation while Jen looked over the boat into the water.

"Looks like you girl is using her breakfast as chum," Shaw said gesturing to Jen and Max became worried. "Jen, are you okay?" Max asked and Jen looked at him and nodded. He smiled and everything went quiet until Jen screamed.

Max turned and watched as Jen was pulled off the boat and under the water. Max yelled and was about to dive into the water when Jen served. She was quickly pulled onto the boat and looked terrified. Shaw quickly rushed down and pulled Jen close and looked her dead in the eyes "did you see it? Did you see the Kraken?" Shaw asked making Gwen and Max confused.

Jen nodded and Shaw beamed with excitement at that response. "are you, folks ok?" The group looked and saw a man on a boat with a few other men. The boat had the letters F.O.F on it and Shaw scowled at them. He was about to say something when something rose from the water. Everyone stared in awe at the Kraken in all its glory. Shaw started cheering "I told ya it was real!" he exclaimed before the Kraken headed for the dock.

Shaw quickly sounded his horn to warn everyone on the docks but they just started in confusion. Then the Kraken rose to let out a loud screech before smashing the dock and sending people flying into the water. Jen stared in horror but was quickly pulled from it when Gwen rushed past her and jumped into the water. Jen stared in fear but then noticed the F.O.F guys leaving pretty quickly.

The Kraken roared and followed them causing Jen to become suspicious. She jumped into the water with dark blue veins spreading onto her body. Max stared in shock as Jen started following the other boat on a wave. "ugh, she just got ungrounded." Max said in frustration.

~~~~~~~~~

Jen caught up to the boat and saw the Kraken pulling a big create off it. "no, no, no." one of the men said as he tried to pull it back down. Jen quickly formed a tornado of water beneath her and blasted the creat back into the water. The Kraken went after it and so did Jen and upon seeing it open she saw two eggs.

Jen stared in shock this Kraken was a mama. That's why she showed up the F.O.F guys were trying to take her eggs. Jen scowled and was about to suffice to give those guys a piece of her mind but one of them jumped into the water. He was wearing a big robotic suit and headed straight for the Kraken eggs. Jen growled and swirled the water around her to move like a torpedo.

Jen was able to knock the guy away and swim to the eggs. She swirled the water around herself and cradled the eggs to help protect them. Jen moved to the bottom of the lake and carefully placed the eggs down. Mama was quick to show up and take the eggs and cradled them in her tentacles.

Jen smiled but was knocked out of the way by Gwen. Her cousin quickly grabbed her and drug her to the surface. Jen was placed on the shore where Max was waiting. "Go to the RV right now," he said sternly, and Jen didn't try to protest.

~~~~~~~~~

After all, the fighting was done and Max returned with Gwen things got worse. Max's lecture to Jen turned into a screaming match. It was quickly ended though "Jen, you need to stop being an idiot." Max yelled and Jen fell silent.

She grits her teeth as tears stream down her face. Jen pushed her grandpa aside and ran out ignoring her grandpa's calls for her to stop. Jen ran with tears in her eyes and didn't stop until she hit the water. Jen gasped at the cold and stepped back then turned to look behind her. Max was running towards her but Jen wanted nothing to do with him right now.

Jen jumped into the water and formed a wave just like earlier. She started riding across the lake the light being admitted from her veins and her eye being her only light. Jen landed on the other side and started running along the shore until she collapsed.

Jen sat on her knees and hugged herself tightly while she cried. Jen ignored everything until she heard the water from the lake splashing. Jen looked up and saw mama leaning over her with a curious and concerned look. Two more splashes were heard and two baby Krakens hopped onto the shore. They dog piled, Jen and started licking her making her giggle and laugh.

After mama pulled them off of the girl Jen smiled "lovely children." Jen said and pulled her knees to her chest. Mama made a purring noise and nuzzled Jen as if saying thank you then left. Jen smiled and laid back to watch the stars a fell asleep not long after.

~~~~~~~~~

Max was pacing the RV not knowing what to do. A sudden knock on the door made Max jump up hoping it was Jen. He quickly threw the door open and saw Jen but she was wearing a big black jacket and was being held by shaw. Max smiled in relief and took Jen from the other man.

"I found her asleep on the short pretty far away and uhh, someone was beside her and wrapped her in that Jacket, but they left before I got over them," Shaw said Max nodded and thanked Shaw then took Jen inside and laid her down. He took note of the Jacket Jen had on, it was bigger than her, black, and smelled like cigarette smoke, whisky, and men's clown.

Max sighed not bothering to take the jacket off Jen and went to sleep himself. He would apologize to Jen in the morning but it wouldn't mean he was forgiving her for what she did.

[carlsbarkleigh]

Bad Weather

We have all been through some severe weather in our lives. Whether that be some severe thunderstorms, a tropical storm, or a hurricane even. I can never not remember being nervous when bad weather rolls around. I always become on edge and every thunder that rolls on a little too long makes me feel like a tornado is coming. You would think being from south Louisiana I would be immune to this fear, but I am not. My family always left for hurricanes except for Rita. We stayed for her and the thing that always stuck with me was the howling wind. You would think that a hurricane would produce a lot of lightning and thunder but they don't. What they do have is much scarier. They have nonstop wind. Wind so strong it can level buildings, up root trees, and worst of all destroy the trampoline Santa got you for Christmas. You may be wondering why are you giving me all this background information? Well that is because A. I wanted to and B. it gives you context on the main reason for this post. Last Thursday, Texas got a severe line of thunderstorms come through. The news said the gust could be up to 80 miles per hour and there were some cells that had high likelihoods of producing tornados. I was working about 45 minutes from home, and when I was leaving to go home the sky was dark and gloomy. I left determined to beat the weather but ended up getting caught in it. The day quickly turned to night and the rain started to come down, and then the wind picked up. It got to the point where I could not see the lights on the car in front of me, and the rain was just swirling on the road. My car kept getting pushed by the wind, and I decided that it would be best to pull over and wait it out in the gas station. As I sprinted in side I was greeted by a couple who had the same idea. I pulled up a chair, a few minutes later an older man joined us, and after him a younger man joined us. The weather got progressively worse, the power began turning off and on, and tension was building. The younger man bought some beer for everyone at the table and the tension seemed to dissipate. We all talked and laughed for about 30 minutes, and I forgot just how bad the weather was outside. I was stuck in that gas station for about 40 minutes, and then the weather lightened up. We all said our goodbyes, wished each other safe travels, and ran out of there. I made it home safely and had a good home-made burger for dinner. That is the end of my tale and the lesson is that I am still very scared of bad weather. But this moment reminded me that even though everyone in that gas station was scared. We all decided to come together and try to ease each others fear with good company and beer.

[laxyaklovesloz]

The Legend of Zelda: Real Courage | Chapter Twenty-Two: Mother Isle

When Lila looked for a way to get to the locked door, she saw latches on either side. They looked like the perfect grip for her new toy, which she decided to call a "hookshot." She used her boots to get past the wind and then used the hookshot to get to the door. Her plan worked perfectly.

On the other side of the door, Lila groaned. She was awed at the beauty but frustrated by the size of the place. Sunlight made the room glow with an ethereal forest light. Trees lined the inside walls and opened their leaves above. There was no ceiling, so they grew freely. There was a small pond and several brooks at the base of the trees. Lily pads, moss, and flowers grew all over the water. This was a place where Lila could spend eternity.

On the other hand, she had a job to do, and another large dungeon would only slow her down. She found the nearest unlocked door and set to work.

Lila used her hookshot many times, shooting from platform to platform, tree to tree. She fought a few of the same monsters, but also some different ones. There were bulbous carnivorous plants taller than her, though they were quite easy for her to handle.

Hidden among clumps of mushrooms, she also came across a monster she affectionately named "puffstools." They were about as tall as her knee, some a bit taller, with red caps. They attacked by letting out puffs of dust that did little to affect her. She mostly just passed them by, since they posed no real threat. After a while, they seemed to grow attached to her.

Finally, with all four pieces of the key assembled, Lila arrived at the boss room. She hoped the battle would be quick; the sun was starting to set.

The wind whipped at her as the door opened. To her surprise, she was once again outside. The door faced directly west, so Lila had to shield her eyes from the dying sun. She stood at the bottom of some stairs. The top of the stairs was slightly below eye level, and she could tell it was a flat surface covered in orange dirt and small rocks. As she walked up the stairs, she saw stone pillars in a ring around her, the bases of which were in the water. Looking behind her, she saw the tops of the trees she saw earlier.

"If only I got here in the morning," Lila remarked to the empty air, "the sun would've been behind the trees. Oh well," she shrugged. She didn't want to wait another night just for convenience.

The area was eerily quiet. No monster immediately attacked her. She readied herself by putting the hookshot on her right hand and holding her sword in her left. She walked around the area, keeping her eyes out for any opposition. For a long time, it was just her and the sky.

When the sun was almost completely gone, the wind became more furious. It all seemed to converge in the center of the platform. A blueish form began materializing inside the focus. It was bulbous on top, and several wiggly limbs danced around the middle. The creature sat upon a swirling cloud.

"There you are," Lila said aloud. Without waiting to see what the creature would do she raced at it with her sword raised.

Of course, the creature easily moved out of her reach.

"Mori would be laughing so hard," Lila muttered. She watched the thing fly around. It reminded her of an octorok, with the only difference being the cloud it floated on. She wondered if it would make similar attacks. Although with the wind blowing so hard, she thought it would probably use that to its advantage.

The octorok seemed to puff up, and then a twisting burst of wind blasted from out of its mouth. Lila quickly moved out of the way, but it was followed by two others. The third one scraped her arm with what felt like dozens of pieces of sand.

She growled at the thing and took aim with the hookshot. The octorok was too fast for her, though. She cried out, "Blast it, hold still!"

The octorok replied with more tornadoes.

After somersaulting away, Lila wondered how she could get herself close enough to attack properly with it flitting away so easily. She needed to slow it down, but how? It was almost a completely opposite battle from the ones against ReDead Knights. Instead of being stunned, she needed to stun.

"That's it!" she thought. Lila pulled out the boomerang she had used in the previous dungeon. Taking careful aim, she timed her throw for when the octorok spat out the wind.

"This will slow you."

It worked. The octorok fell limp upon its cloud, so Lila charged forward. She brought her sword down on it, but its head wasn't as soft as she expected. Her sword penetrated only about two inches into its blubbery skin. She tried stabbing it, successfully pushing in her sword about five or six inches deep.

Then the monster recovered and pushed away. The octorok took a few seconds to compose itself and then rammed straight at Lila. The cloud plus the force of the wind made her stumble back in pain. Though it was dull, it had hit her square on, causing every part of her body to ache with surprising severity.

Lila growled, "You're wasting my time."

Another burst of tornadoes answered her. Lila dodged quickly and released the boomerang once more. She started running toward the octorok even before the boomerang reached the target. Her speed paid off; she got in a few more hits than the last time. By the time it escaped, she could tell it was nearly done for.

The octorok injured her twice more before she was able to kill it. Though she felt drained and hurt all over, she was considerably less damaged than in previous boss battles. She just hoped she would make it back in time.

With the threat gone and the black sky surrounding her, exhaustion overtook her. She searched the octorok's death spot with bleary eyes. There she found the item she had been sent for.

"The Cloak of Shadows," Lila said in relief. She touched the familiar decorated heart and then fell asleep right there. The cloak rested on her like a blanket.

[the-fire-eyes]

Chapter Twenty Four- Akira

I looked around me, seeing a sea of fire. Was I dreaming? 

I must be dreaming, because I was back in the hellscape where I had seen the demon lord Kiha’a. 

I blinked, and realised something was different.

My mind was clearer than it had been for months. The madness was gone.

Although, it could just be the side effects of being on fire.

I frowned, looking down and realising I was burning. Strange. 

I wasn’t about to say that it didn’t hurt, but the pain seemed natural. As if I were used to it.

If I was on fire in the real world, it would certainly be worse than this.

I lifted my wings over my head and brought them down, flying up over the fires and circling over the realm. I immediately regretted it.

I hadn’t noticed how warm the fires were until now. It was freezing here above the flames, although it didn’t seem that it could possibly be that cold.

We used to have a Freezefoot with us, who would cover the ground with ice wherever they stepped. Whenever they were in an enclosed area, like a tent or a building, the frost would begin to creep up the walls and the room would drop to below freezing. Everybody’s breath would crystallise in front of them, and your fingers would turn blue.

None of that was happening. It wasn’t really that cold, but I had adjusted to the fires somehow. Even the relative heat of the sky seemed frozen to me.

I didn’t care, though. I just dove back down into the flames.

I began to walk, keeping an eye on my surroundings. If this was hell, then there would be demons. It was reasonable to assume that they wouldn’t be friendly. 

I hiked over hills, and through valleys with rivers of lava. There was a strange beauty to the fire, and the land wasn’t exactly barren.

I saw a jungle in the distance, and frowned. How could there be trees in a land of fire? Getting closer, I realised that their trunks were made of stone, and instead of leaves they had tongues of… that wasn’t fire, was it? I wasn’t sure, but they looked like rubies, red as blood. And… were those?... 

Karo vines twined around every trunk, delicate and ethereal. It was as if this wasn’t hell at all. They somehow didn’t burn, somehow belonged here with the fire. It made sense. 

Then, shadows. A void among the trees, swallowing the fire and flowers. 

It whispered, telling me of how I had failed. How here, the darkness was real. 

I looked down, and the blood was dripping off my hands. Demon blood, human blood. I couldn’t tell. 

The shadow before me swelled, and the flames around it wavered. Dying.

I stepped back, trembling. But then a voice.

“Strength, child.”

Two words. Nothing more.

But I straightened, planting my feet. I was not alone, here in the fire. 

A yell, building in my throat. Along with it, something else. It was as if a vine had begun to grow in my chest, shooting up towards the light. 

I shouted, the sound echoing off of the ceiling far above. The shadows shrunk, wilting away. 

I shouted again, and the fire around me flickered. Glowing brighter. Burning stronger. I took a step towards the shadows, the fire whirling around me. Like a sandstorm, a tornado.

As I lifted my hand, the fire followed my movements. Reaching upwards, blossoming like a flower.

I locked my gaze onto the shadow, hissing and writhing. Reaching out to swallow the fire, and pulling back as if pained.

I brought my hand down, and the fire sharpened. There was no other way to describe it as it flew straight for the heart of the shadows.

The shadows shrieked, and suddenly were gone. Dissolved as if in the light of the sun. 

But the fire kept burning, swirling around me. Lifting me into the air.

I flapped my wings, lifting even further. Hit the roof and kept going, bringing the fire up with me. 

I opened my eyes, gasping for air. The madness was gone. I was free.

Previous || Next || First

[wandering-lane]

A Crow’s Murder 

A collective group of crows is occasionally known as a ‘murder.’ It was fitting, then, that one would be witness at the site of an actual murder. 

Detective Conan Wolfe brushed his hair out of his eyes and stuck his hands in his pockets. It was fitting, yes, but the cacophony of noise certainly didn’t make his job any easier. They were perched nearly everywhere, and they didn’t seem to care who heard about it.  

Conan sighed loudly and turned to the other officer. “What do you think? I mean, it’s hardly conspicuous,” he said.  

“I think that this one is yours, Wolfe,” Seargent Hales answered, shaking his head. He clapped Conan on the shoulder and turned back to where the body lay stiff in the mud. Conan huffed. 

The crows continued to scream as he continued his original thought. “It’s out in the open. I’m surprised nobody reported it before now,” Conan offered. “Do you think it’s gang violence?” 

Hales continued to stare at the body. “In the middle of a park isn’t out in the open.” He scratched his beard. 

Conan crouched by the body, frowning. “And no ID,” he continued, “there’s got to be a reason for that.” 

“The fellow forgot his wallet at home.” 

Conan stood once more and returned to Hales’ side. “We should check to see if there’s been any recent increase in gang activity.” 

“Go ahead if you’d like, son.” 

“We’ll have to see what forensics has to say, as well. I can’t see any clear wounds from the way he’s laid out now. And no blood splatter. At least, none left.” 

“I’m going back to the station, Wolfe.” 

Conan looked up. “What?” 

“I said,” the Seargent repeated, “I’m going back to the station. Since you’re so keen on seeing what forensics has to say, leave them to their job.” He turned around. Conan watched as the man began to walk away. 

“That’s it?” The man didn’t respond, other than a flick of his hand over his shoulder. Conan shuffled in place. Their preliminary search of the scene hadn’t revealed anything earth-shattering. The only thing he could do was wait for forensics to identify the man, and for an autopsy report to come in, he supposed. He didn’t like it, but that was how it would have to work. 

He hadn’t noticed how the crows had fallen silent. 

The Raven stood along a ledge, leaning against the rail. The orange and blue of dusk painted the sky above him, and a city’s silence filled the world. The breeze ran through his hair as the sudden sound of inky wings surrounded him, screeching and beating the air. They swirled around him, and he held out an arm for one to land on. The bird ruffled its feathers and stared at him, croaking quietly. 

The man frowned and dropped his hand. The bird fell to the ground, shrugging off its feathers and wings for the form a young man. It shifted nervously behind the raven, reaching to tug at his sleeves. 

“Use your words. You’re so fond of them the rest of the time.” 

The young man squawked nervously before coughing into his hand. “Well, Sir- I mean to say, Boss- Well, you see, we’ve found him,” he mumbled, shrinking backwards. A messy crop of black hair covered his eyes, and he fidgeted with the edges of his coat. 

The Raven looked down at him, raising a brow. “What is that supposed to entail?” 

The little man continued to fidget, shifting back and forth and shrinking away more. “Well, I hate to say this, being the barer of bad news and all, but he’s- Well, y’know, he’s dead.” He flinched backwards. A few feathers sprouted across his face. 

The Raven turned away briefly. He frowned, before turning to face the feathering man. The cloud of dark birds surrounding them increased in chaos, swirling fiercely in a tornado of sharp wings. The crow standing before the taller man inched closer to avoid the beating wings of his fellows. 

“Do you know how he died?” The man asked, peering into the eyes of the crow. The feathers blossoming on his face slowed for a moment, and the sounds of the horde quieted. 

“We don’t, Sir. There- There was a man there, though. Two men. They were looking at him. The talkative one was called ‘Wolf.’” 

The Raven nodded, turning away again. The cloud of crows parted, landing behind him. They murmured quietly to each other, dark eyes shining in contemplation. 

“I suppose I’ll have to pay this ‘Wolf’ of yours a visit, then.” 

Conan Wolfe drank his fifth cup of coffee for the day at approximately Eight O'clock at night. Several reports and other related papers were spread across his desk, and he still had no clue on what to do next. He sighed and laid his head in his arms. He was about ready to suggest that those blasted crows had done it.  

It was only the first day of investigation, but there was barely anything at all. The body hadn’t even been identified yet, which was incredibly strange. It was fresh when they found it. Couldn’t have been dead for more than a day. The man’s face wasn’t obstructed in any way, nor were his hands. But there didn’t seem to be any records involving this individual.  

Even the cause of death was odd. Initial observation hadn’t shown any clear stab wounds or bullet holes, but when they had gotten around to moving the body, they discovered several deep slashes and puncture wounds across his belly and chest. But they didn’t seem to be from a knife of any sort, unless whoever had killed the poor fellow had done it with a machete. 

Conan sat up and decided to write that down. It was better than nothing, anyways. 

He sighed and looked at his empty coffee mug. Sure, a homicide case was rarely clear-cut, but there was literally nothing. Conan hadn’t seen any recent increase in gang activity, like he had first thought. There was no identity for the victim. The forensics team hadn’t managed to find any traces of blood near the scene either, only directly under the body. Conan stared at a sticky note on the wall. Investigate surrounding areas. 

There should have been blood splatter at the site of the crime with wounds like that. So clearly, that wasn’t the site of the crime. He’d have to look elsewhere. 

Conan groaned as he stood to make his way to the sink. The coffee mug was added to the pile of dishes that half-filled the basin. The gentle sound of rushing water filled the small kitchen as Conan began to clean the larger items in the sink. He allowed it to surround him as he lost himself in more thoughts. He’d have to get statements from the shop owners surrounding the park 

The tapping on the window nearly made him drop the plate he was washing on the floor. 

A large crow was sitting on the windowsill, beady eyes staring directly at him. Conan set the plate down and backed away. 

“Freaking crows,” he muttered, groping behind him for a towel to flap at the bird. Of course they had to follow him home. How did it even know which apartment was his? He was on the fifth floor. That’s hardly conspicuous.  

His hands finally landed on a mildly damp tea towel, and he rushed forward and flapped it against the window with a yell. Somehow, the bird seemed unimpressed. Conan scowled and smacked at the window again. Why wasn’t it flying off? 

The bird blinked at him lazily before holding up a wire clothing hanger with its foot. It put it into its mouth and started to fiddle with the window. 

It was opening his window. On purpose. 

Conan decided then that it was appropriate to freak out. He was trained to keep calm in stressful situations, but police training hadn’t covered bird break-ins. 

The window opened, and the bird hopped onto the kitchen counter to stare at him further. This was much larger than a crow, he thought abruptly. It must be a raven. Wasn’t there a poem that went like this? 

As if on cue, the raven opened its beak, and in an unsettlingly human voice began to speak. 

“Wolf,” it said, dark eyes glinting. “Hardly a fitting name.” 

Conan responded with: “What the heck.” 

And there wasn’t a bird sitting on his counter anymore, but a tall, darkly dressed man. Conan’s training, which had covered encounters with normal human people, kicked in. He straightened up, holding out a hand.  

“Conan Wolfe, police. Don’t move,” he said loudly. Distantly, he thought that if he screamed loudly his Neighbours would hear. It was late enough that they would be home. 

The man-raven smiled. “I’m not going to hurt you. I only want to talk a bit,” he said, tilting his head. It was unnerving. Conan continued to back away slowly. “You found a body today, didn’t you? A little birdy told me about it. Do you know who the victim is?” 

Conan frowned. Was this man (bird?) involved? “A corpse was reported earlier today, yes. The victim hasn’t been identified yet.” Conan saw as the man nodded, running a hand through silky black hair. It resembled, he realized, the victim’s. The same shiny black. 

“I thought so,” he said. “They’re not really people, you know. I’m surprised you didn’t find him as a pile of feathers. Wanted to make difficulties for the both of us, I suppose.” He laughed, shaking his head. “No, he was smart. Someone would figure out who killed him this way.” The man-raven slid off the counter, stretching upwards. 

Conan’s eyes narrowed. Why would he say it like that? A new potential suspect stood in front of Conan, smiling slyly. 

“You were the one who killed him, weren’t you,” Conan stated, inching towards the drawer where he kept his knives. 

The man’s eyes immediately locked with Conan’s, confusion painting his face. “What? No, of course not. Why would I have killed him?” Conan almost believed him. 

“Oh, I don’t know, you break into the house of the detective working the case and talk about how you knew there was a homicide, and how smart this guy is, and that someone would figure out who did it?” Conan wrapped his hand around the drawer’s handle. He wouldn’t go down without a fight, at least. 

The man stared at him quietly for a moment. Laughter quietly began to bubble from his chest. 

“You think I killed him? Oh, you’re funny,” he waved his hand at Conan, leaning back against the counter. “No, I would never. I can hardly stand those crows sometimes, but he was always polite. He could figure out anything I told him, quick as that,” he finished with a snap of his fingers. “No, I came for your help.” He crossed his legs, smiling and waiting for Conan’s response. 

“Why did you break into my house, then?” 

The man-raven tilted his head. A few dark feathers blossomed along his cheeks. “They told me you were at the scene. I thought you might know what had happened, or a way to figure it out.” Conan blinked, and the feathers were gone. 

“That doesn’t answer you breaking into my house.” 

“I hardly had a chance to speak with you otherwise. I was going to offer you something, for your help,” he said simply. 

“I’m not a private detective. I work for the police. Besides, you broke into my freaking house.” 

The man-raven sighed. “Alright, alright. If you’re so sure. I’m certain I could be of assistance, anyways. All the crows in this city respond to me, not just him, you know.” Conan thought, maybe he wasn’t wrong about the gang violence idea after all. 

Conan sighed and ran a hand over his face. “You couldn’t work with me in any official capacity, unless you also happen to be a member of the police.”  

Suddenly the man disappeared. In his place, a large raven stood, staring up at Conan. It seemed smug, almost. “Nobody could fault you for a bird following you around, though,” he said. Conan thought, maybe he was going insane. 

“Right. Just an ordinary bird that can turn into a person,” he scoffed. He felt a bit lightheaded. Maybe there was a gas leak. Or he had drank too much coffee. Hallucinations could explain the man-turning-into-a-bird problem.  

And then the raven-man had flapped onto his shoulder. “Exactly. Besides, birds can get into places that people can’t,” it said smugly. Conan kind of wanted to scream. 

Instead, he decided to shrug the bird off. It returned to the human form. 

Horrifically, he had a point. Working together could help tremendously, especially if the victim was the same sort of bird-person that this man was, and connected to him. And he was right. Birds could do and see things that he never would be able to come close to. He would, in the most literal sense there was, have eyes in the sky. 

Conan decided then that he might as well accept the offer. If this were real, and not some sort of odd dream or hallucination, then... Well, he didn’t know yet. But in all likelihood, this was just a dream, and he’d wake up and continue his case investigation as normal. No harm, no foul, and no fowl.  

The man-raven seemed to understand that he’d come to a decision. He stepped over, holding an elegant hand out between them. “Do we have a deal, then?” 

Conan slowly let go of the knife-drawer's handle. He took the man’s hand. “I guess we do.” 

“Wonderful. You can call me Raven, then.” 

[beefcakenpinkyring]

Thoughts are getting heavy again so I need to unload.

I took a ride on the elevator today, with mom and lil bro. The cubicle went dark, quiet when we thought we pressed the button but didn't. I clicked again, saved us. Mom still let a sound out. It clanged, shook and wiggled all the way up ; coughed twice before letting us out. My heart sunk down to my stomach on a lift of its own.

I know better than to avoid my triggers, so yeah I went down the stairs to get the papers mom forgot, but on the way up, I took the elevator. Alone this time.

I clicked right, this time firm enough, tongue busy calling to God the Almighty. It clanged, shook and wiggled all the way to the top ; jerked twice before spitting me out.

My back muscles probably did not unclench since then, about six hours ago. Or maybe they were tight since yesterday, when sleep was a dream. Or maybe since the day before, when reality seemed warped, striped, marred. Or maybe my back muscles were made to clench, relentless, unrelenting, trying to keep upright a curving bad, caving in.

Sometimes, time stops, and all that exists is sound.

I listen in.

Unmoving, unbreathing, unliving.

Time stops, my body too, my heart almost.

Everything disappears and all is left is shells, threatening in their weight, frieghtening in their emptiness.

The night is what I fear most.

The night when my brain is left to fend off for itself. Where I am alone, maybe the only one still breathing on purpose.

Every night I feel like the sole visitor of a silent grave ; one guilty survivor in the aftermath of a mass murder.

I suppose that fear alone wouldn't have fucked me up as much. If it weren't for the lonely fog, the dooming guilt, the mute helplessness, the overwhelming weakness, I wouldn't have been as deeply disturbed.

It feels impossible to ignore the fear. It holds signs screaming "I told you so" everytime wind blows too hard, honks sound too loud or elevators struggle too much.

Fear promises a time where you will be surprised, fatally so. And since life is as volatile as the breeze, fear never breaks a promise. And in the meantime, my guards are permenantly up. Danger is always around the corner, and worrying enough to never be unprepared is the only way to survive.

Sometimes, it tires me. It exhausts me to no end.

I circle back to the guilt and hate myself for being a slave to what I cannot bring myself to change. I lack the discipline to be who I want to have been when breathing becomes a conscious effort and sleep becomes a remote goal.

Listing triggers, planning prep, strategizing, expressing, unlearning and relearning. Shit I wish wasn't as cold and hard and flavorless as solid med pills.

I am grateful for every ounce of help I've gotten regardless, and I will keep praying.

My God, please assist me in regaining trust in my body. My God, please make me a better believer, and a better practicer. My God, please give me the faith I need to put my weights down, and live. Live righteously, moderately with just enough contentment to unclench my muscles. My God, forgive me. For if at many times, I have escaped sin, the thought of it never leaves me. For if many times, I have been repulsed enough to stay away, my God I still hate me. My God, I have never liked to cry of pain and yet I have always believed it is the only valid reason to cry. My God, I believe in you, and I know my tears are only of frustration and exhaustion, but my God, I wish I knew how to live and die without overfeeling every moment. My God. My God, who has created my heart, my mind, my soul. Who has the Earth, the sky, the soil. My God, who makes ground shake, waves break and tornadoes swirl. My God, the Almighty, the Creator, the One, the Only. My God please accept my thousandth apology. Please give me the strength to keep my word this time. Please forgive me, God, for I have to, I need to forgive myself. Please God, I see your punishment in everything ; I see it in me ; and I don't know if this ferocious consciousness is a blessing, but it is undoubtedly waking me. My God, I want your Heaven, immensely so. My God, please forgive me, please allow me to feel Your satisfaction and grace before I go.