#where I didn’t have to do work or school (literally only yesterday) was so nice and only fuels my despair.

[olive-evilo]

Sorry I haven’t been active at all. College.

[babysukiii]

not her type

// leighton is a bit sweet on you (the librarian’s student assistant). you begin to fall for the blonde, until you hear her say something that causes you to reconsider your feelings. //

warnings: leighton is an idiot when it comes to emotions, reader is oblivious but so is leighton, misunderstandings, mutual pining don’t let the title fool you, jealousy (leighton gets jealous), kinda angsty

(i changed my username i was @fckoffjakegyllenhaal)

DISCLAIMER; english is not and has never been my first language. i usually edit my works well but don’t have time anymore. sorry for any spelling errors!

leighton didn’t have the most common sense when it came to dating. she was a genius, and she was the smartest person she knew. she was top of most of her classes, and she knew she was beautiful. though when it came to emotions, and her love life, leighton was nearly hopeless. to put it frankly, she’s an idiot when it comes to love.

when leighton first met you, she already wasn’t off to a very good start. she sauntered into the library in her expensive heels, along with her matching skirt and blazer. as soon as you saw her you were extremely intimidated by her. you were only able to attend this school because your grandma had left you a nice wad of money in her will. even with what she left you, you still had to get a job at the school’s library to pay off the remaining student loans. but you knew you didn’t fit in here. the school was full of pristine, preppy, rich kids. like her.

“i need to rent a copy of the black sun.” she deadpans, as she stands up straight in front of the counter. “then maybe you should go and get it so i can check it out for you?” you suggest in a sardonic manner, and the blonde looks visibly stunned by your careless tone. “okay, i’m assuming it’s your first day here or something, but it’s literally your job to find the books students need.” she points out, and you quirk a brow. “no, my job is to keep the library organized, and help students when they ask for help. key word ask. which you didn’t; you waltzed in here like princess diana and ordered me to get you a copy of ‘black sun’.” you remind her, your words as hot as the fire in your tone.

that’s when leighton takes you in; your long curly hair, and high rise jeans. that top your wearing fits you nicely, and for some reason the fact that you aren’t hurdling to do what she says, leaves a fluttering sensation in her belly. “hey, you don’t have to be such an asshole! excuse me if i thought someone who works in the library was competent enough to get me the correct copy of a book. my mistake.” she fires back, and you shake your head.

“i am plenty competent enough, blondie. i just don’t help self entitled jerks who think the world has to stop at their convenience.” you retort, “now, if you excuse me, i’m taking my first break now. come back in half an hour.” you deadpan; your voice is dry, and leighton’s eyes widen in shock. “you can’t just do that!” she shrieks, and if she wasn’t such a mean girl, you would’ve thought the way her voice changed in pitch was cute as hell. you smirk, “just did.”

leighton lets out a huff, “fine! i’ll just get it on pdf, jerk face.” her lame insult makes you bite back a laugh as she storms away. you can’t help but watch her hips move as she leaves; god, she’s hot but so fucking rude. maybe this job isn’t so bad; getting to tick off straight, prissy girls like blondie was going to the highlight of your career. though you put aside a copy of black sun later that day, just in case she comes back.

which she does.

she returns the next day with this determined look on her face. “okay, yesterday i was a bit of a bitch.” she starts carefully, and you quirk a brow in a bit of interest as you look up from your phone. “a bit?” you question, and her fake smile falls immediately. “i’m trying to be nicer now.” her stony expression causes you to sigh. you reach inside the desk drawer where you hid the copy away for this exact moment.

her eyes nearly widen for a split second as she realizes you did in fact retrieve her the copy of the book she needed. “so you did do it for me.” her voice sounds a bit different now; a little lighter, but you try not to dwell on it. “yeah, well, it’s my job, right?” you respond dryly, as you begin to scan the book, “library card or student id.” you command, and she reaches into her expensive bag, pulling out her matching wallet. she hands you her library card, which you scan quickly and hand back to her. “you have two weeks to return it.”

“i know how the library works.” she grows irritated with the lack of emotions in your voice, and she assumes you’re probably just annoyed by her presence. “sorry, i wasn’t sure considering you don’t know how manners work.” leighton gasps, a look of clear anger and offense etching itself onto her pretty features. “i already apologized for that!” she defends, and you tilt your head, cocking a brow at her. “i never heard an “i’m sorry”.” your fake confused tone is enough to irk her but keep her interested in talking to you.

she closes her eyes for a second, before releasing a defeated breath. “i’m sorry…” she trails off, realizing she didn’t even get your name. “… y/n.” you finish, and her belly flips at the revelation. “y/n. i’m sorry.” she repeats, and you roll your eyes a bit playfully. “it’s fine. i guess you weren’t the rudest rich-priss i dealt with yesterday. why do you think i saved the book for you?” you taunt her, and the flush on her cheeks causes your smirk to widen.

“mmm, i’m sure you probably have a drawer full of books that those “rude rich-priss’s” asked for.” she challenges, and you offer her this infectious smile that causes her to lose her train of thought. “only the pretty ones. the eye candy makes the lack of human decency worth it.” you hand her the book and the mischief in your eyes allows her to know you’re kidding, but your words make her snort. “aren’t you a charmer. see you in two weeks.” she waves the book at you, before turning on her heels and leaving.

god, the pants she was wearing today made her ass look great.

you shamelessly watch her leave, and before she gets to the doors, you call out, “i like watching you leave, blondie.” your crude comment causes her to stop in her tracks; her face is suddenly red as a tomato. leighton’s brain that is usually amazing at thinking of insults or remarks, cannot conduct a single thought. she only scoffs, as she pushes the exit door open, and your grin widens.

you really don’t expect to see leighton outside of the library. it isn’t because you assume she doesn’t go out or hang around campus, it’s because aside from your dorm, you’re only ever in your classes and the library. so when you see her walk into the cheap bar downtown you decided to try by complete chance, your gaze zero’s in on her. an inevitable grin tugging at your lips, and she doesn’t seem to see you. she’s looking around the other side of the room, like a lost puppy. when she walks by, you keep you head low, trying to go unnoticed by her. once her back is to you, you turn your head in her direction; “nice ass, blondie.” you comment with a sneer, and leighton freezes at the sound of your voice.

when she spins around, she attempts to plaster a vexed expression on her face, but as soon as she sees you she sighs. “ugh, what are you doing here?” she asks, attempting to sound annoyed. you wave a can of hard seltzer in your hand, “sorry excuse for a drink.” she mumbles, as she takes a seat in the empty bar stool beside you. you shoot her a defensive look, “hey, i get buzzed quickly and it has less calories in it.” you mutter, a surprise expression taking over the blonde’s face. you just sounded so undeniably girly.

she doesn’t respond before flagging the bartender down, “one long island iced tea, and two shots of tequila.” she orders, handing the bartender her card as she speaks. you gaze at her, “jesus, blondie, rough day?” you can’t help but ask, and leighton sighs. “rough week. you wouldn’t even know the half of it.” she responds, as the bartender begins to make her drinks. “try me.” you challenge, and she glances at you. for a moment she considers closing herself off, but then she remembers what esme and francesca said. about how closed off she was.

she downs a shot that’s placed in front of her and proceeds to tell you everything. how lonely she’s been since she started school, how her brother doesn’t even know how she’s feeling… she even tells you about francesca and esme. “wait, were you really closed off with them?” you ask, and she huffs. “closed off is a little bit of a stretch.” she responds, and you flash her an “are you serious” sort of expression. “you said you were friends with them since you were kids. you aren’t supposed to be closed off with them.” you remind her, and she frowns, taking a long swig of her drunk, finishing the rest of it in a gulp.

“now you sound like them.” she states, causing you to scoff. “look, i’m not saying you being closed off was entirely your fault, blondie. i mean, those girls must’ve been pretty shitty if it made you wanna hide who you really are.” you tell her, and she goes quiet. “i think you just naturally hide yourself from everyone. i mean, i thought i had a little bit of you figured out, then i saw you in this place…” you trail off, and the blood rises to leighton’s cheeks.

“didn’t expect a rude “rich-priss” like me to be in here?” she questions, and the way the ends of your lips quirk upwards causes the butterflies in her stomach to flutter. “exactly. i thought you were more of a frat party kind of girl. i’m sure those kind of boys go crazy over you, blondie.” the way your eyes roam over her mercilessly causes a strange heat in her abdomen. she shakes her head, the thought of frat boys making her snicker, “yeah, they’re into anything with long legs.” she murmurs, “good thing i hate men.” she adds, and your eyebrows seems to raise in interest.

“i just mean—“ she tries, but you cut her off,

“hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. there’s plenty enough about guys to hate.” you assure her, and she sinks into her seat. “is that why you’re here tonight instead of hanging out on campus?” she questions, “don’t think i haven’t noticed how many jocks are suddenly going into the library now. just cause you’re working there.” she adds, blabbering slightly. your smile widens at the very leighton-like compliment. “tell me about it, i don’t even think some of the guys who’ve gone in there can read past an eighth grade level.” you throw out, and leighton releases this carefree laugh that causes you to stare at her in awe.

thankfully the look of adoration you’re flashing her goes unnoticed as she adds, “eighth grade is generous.” she jokes, making you giggle.

things change between you and leighton after that. you’re sort of the first person who makes her feel normal. you don’t really expect her to be anything, and talking to you is so much easier than talking to anyone else. eventually leighton begins to find herself, and ends up growing close to her roommate and her roommate’s friend group. you smile at her whenever you see them in the library, and the blonde doesn’t hesitate to approach you.

even though she’s reluctant to admit it to herself, she begins to realize she’s developing a bit of a soft spot for you. maybe it’s more than “a bit”. she starts to sought you out in every room she enters, and every time she’s on campus. when she enters the library, she beelines to wherever you are. you’d be lying if you said leighton isn’t the best part of your days; she is. it’s silly, really, every morning you wake up and get ready with the hopes that maybe she’ll pop up in the library.

when she does stop by, she attempts to make it seem like she’s looking for a book. she doesn’t want you to know that sometimes she just drops by when she wants to see you. so maybe leighton is sweet on you; after hooking up with a few girls at the beginning of the semester she began to notice women more and more. she noticed you the first time she saw you. even though you were nothing like what leighton was usually into; you were soft, and sweet underneath all the sarcastic and witty remarks. you weren’t vastly intelligent, but you were really smart. you read more than anyone she knew.

it only takes leighton four months to pick up on everything about you. your mannerisms, what makes you laugh, your interests, and your disinterests. she pays so much attention to you, she doesn’t even realize she’s becoming enthralled by you. even her friends notice how soft leighton is with you. it’s much more than just a silly crush though; leighton thinks of you as a confidant, and more importantly one of her close friends. you’re actually the first person she tells when she begins to see alicia.

though you feel a little jealous about it, you’re happy leighton is finally coming to terms with who she is. you even tell her this, and it causes leighton’s heart to swell. she still hasn’t figured out why her heartbeat quickens around you, or what the fluttering sensation in her belly is that’s caused by your laugh… but she is trying not to ruin the best friendship she’s had.

you never meet “alicia”. you aren’t sure what they look like, what their last name is, or how they behave around leighton. though you do notice a lighter aura around the blonde. it’s nice to see her so relaxed, and not so tightly wound up. though the relaxation was short lived because one evening leighton comes storming into the library, and she’s glaring daggers at anything in her way.

“woah, hey, what’s wrong?” you ask, immediately hopping off the edge of the desk you were sitting on. you close the book you had been reading, and your attention is suddenly on the raging force of nature in front of you. “alicia broke up with me. you remember how i told you they got upset about me asking them to take down that picture?” she asks, trying to keep her voice at a leveled tone, but you can hear the bitterness seeping through. you nod, “the one with your expensive ass purse in the back that would’ve been a total give away?” you ask, and she nods, not even adding onto your sarcasm. usually she would.

you frown, “what happened?” you ask her in a gentler manner, “they said they didn’t want to be with someone who’s not out. they don’t want to my secret.” you frown, looking visibly upset by the revelation. “are they serious? it’s been like two months, that’s like a blink! how does alicia expect you to be ready in two months?” you sound just as vexed as leighton, and it causes the blonde’s anger to simmer ever so slightly. “that’s what i said… i haven’t even told my friends… you’re the only person who knows.” the taller girl reveals in this washed out voice that makes your stomach flip.

“yeah, but that’s different. i’m just me.” you shrug, and she furrows her eyebrows, “it’s just easier for me to talk to you, and be me around you.“ she adds, and the heat rises to your cheeks. “why?” you can’t help but ask, and leighton looks taken back by the question. as if she’s never even thought twice about it. she pauses before giving you a little shrug, momentarily forgetting all about her breakup. “well, you’re you.” she explains vaguely, and you let out a breathless little chuckle.

“i’ll take that as a compliment, blondie.” you taunt her, and she feels a smile tugging at her lips for the first time all day. “take it any way you want.” she responds, and you grin. “look, my shift ends in like twelve minutes. wanna go get a few drinks? on me.” you promise her and she rolls her eyes. “my dads loaded, remember?” she asks, and you giggle, “okay, drinks are on you then.” you retort, and she lets out this breathless little laugh.

so maybe you make leighton feel better than anyone ever has. after a night of getting drunk and laughing at drunk couples argue in the bar, she finds the courage to tell kimberly she’s gay. after that, telling people gets easier. maybe it’s because she’s realized you’ve become one of the most important people in her life, and she was starting not to care about the opinions of anyone else. in fact, leighton found herself coming to you for your opinion on everything. even what shoes she should buy.

it was amusing; becoming leighton murray’s favorite person. she complains about everything, she’s prissy, and keeps tide sticks in her purse. she’s your polar opposite, yet you can’t get enough of her. every friday night you both end up in that same shitty bar, giggling while talking about nothing and everything. it’s actually become leighton’s favorite part of the week.

you don’t want to admit it’s become your favorite part of the week as well. the longer you spend with her, the harder you fall for her. her cute smile, those intense blue eyes, the way she complains about every single thing. you like everything about her, even the parts that should annoy you and scare you away. a part of you thinks she feels the same way; there are times when you’re both the only two people in the library, and you catch her staring. not to mention how obviously happy she is around you.

“so there’s this party on friday. usually, i wouldn’t go, but whitney begged me. it’s at the kappa sorority house. can you come? please?” she questions pleadingly, and you flash her an uncertain expression. “a party?” you ask ambiguously, and leighton nods eagerly. “yeah, i know how it sounds, but i’ll be there and the drinks are all free. i mean, of course there is that exception to getting drugged but i can totally be your knight in shining armor.” she begins to ramble, and truthfully, you had already decided to go the moment she flashed you those begging eyes. “okay, fine. i’ll go. but to set the record straight, you aren’t a “knight in shining armor”. you’re more like a knight in vicuña wool.” you clarify, and she can’t help but laugh.

you keep your promise and end up at the frat party on friday. though you’ve been here for a whole semester now, you still hadn’t been to a single party. you weren’t sure if the tight flare jeans and tight yet basic fitted top, was good enough, but you tried not to overthink it. you were here because leighton asked you to be, and you were beginning to think you’d do just about anything she’d ask. as soon as you walk into the dimly lit frat house, the loud music and uncomfortable warmth of the room hits you.

you scan the hoard of students for the blonde, and you find her quickly. you smile at the sight of her, except it falters a bit when you notice how many girls are surrounding her. ever since leighton came out, it was no secret she was always getting hit on by various girls now. hell, she got hit on by girls before she was out, but now it was a whole different story. she was getting all sorts of attention, and a part of her really loved it. you could see the cocky smirk etched on to her features, as she holds onto her glass loosely. she doesn’t seem to see you as you get closer to where she is.

that’s when you can hear what she’s saying to one of the brunette’s flirting with her. “none of you are really my type.” she admits, and one of the girls doesn’t even seem phased. “well, what is your type?” she asks, and leighton shrugs. “my perfect woman would probably be 5’6, good style, preferably from a major metropolitan city, blonde…” you feel your heart crack in your chest as you realize you don’t fit any of those categories. you didn’t really have a type, but you certainly knew you were interested in leighton. it hurt to realize you weren’t anything she wanted.

it’s silly how much her words affected you, you shouldn’t have cared. besides, you and leighton are friends. it’s not like you’re anything more… sure she’s nice to you, makes you laugh, visits you at work every day, and even carries your favorite snack in her purse… but it doesn’t mean she wants to be anything more than friends with you. you turn around to leave quickly, you would have to give leighton some lame excuse about why you didn’t show, but it didn’t matter to you right now.

after the party leighton notices something is wrong right away. you had told her you didn’t feel well over text, and when she asked if you were okay, you didn’t text her back until the next morning. throughout the day, leighton was waiting on your replies; which was strange. you always texted her back fast. right after her last class, she makes her way to the library. when she gets there she gets a bit upset to see you don’t even seem remotely busy; yet as she gets closer to you, she can’t help take in how off your demeanor is.

you look sad, but you’re trying to keep your focus on a book that’s laid down on your desk. “hey y/n.” leighton pipes up, causing you to look over in her direction. you look like a deer in headlights, but you a press your lips together in order to force a smile. it doesn’t quite reach your eyes, and it causes a wave of concern to wash over the blonde. “hey leigh.” you greet her, and she eyes you uncertainly. “you didn’t see my texts?” she asks, and you grimace. “i was super busy earlier, i barely got a break ten minutes ago.” you lie easily, and leighton wants to believe you, but she doesn’t.

you were acting weird, and it wasn’t enough for her to call you out on it. “mhm, well i was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch later?” she asks, flashing you a hopeful smile that makes it very hard to say no to her. “i-i can’t tonight. i have to study for my psych test on friday.” it’s not an entire lie; you have a test coming up in your psych class, but you don’t necessarily need to study for it that much. you know most of the material. you try to ignore the way leighton’s face falls in clear disappointment.

“oh, yeah. sure, maybe we can do something tomorrow?” she questions optimistically, and you nod meekly. “y-yeah! i’ll text you.” you assure her, and you mean it. you’re not just going to ghost and avoid leighton, you just needed a few days or so to get over her. or at least try to. “okay… i’ll see you later then.” you can hear the disappointment etched into her voice clear as day. you simply smile and nod, and she holds in the urge to let out a frustrated huff.

the blonde leaves the library feeling unsatisfied, but she isn’t sure what’s wrong so she hopes it passes. the entire day dragged on without you, and sometimes you were one of the few things that could actually get her to smile.

when leighton texts you goodnight later on that night, a wave of guilt washes over you. she was genuinely worried about you, and even though you had a hopeless crush on her, you knew she considered you a real friend. so the next day, you go back to texting leighton about every detail of your day, and when she shows up to visit you, you come up with some lousy excuse claiming to have had a long lasting migraine yesterday. leighton doesn’t buy it, but she’s just glad you aren’t acting different anymore.

the next two weeks are normal; you and leighton go out for drinks every friday, you get lunch from various restaurants and cafe’s together, and she still comes to visit you at the library every day after her classes. you’re back to you usual happy self in leighton’s eyes. maybe you really did have a migraine that day. though what leighton doesn’t know is whenever she’s not around you go back to feeling down. even quieter than usual.

sure, you knew the chances of leighton murray returning your feelings were slim to none… but you thought you had read all the signs correctly. apparently you were wrong. but you didn’t want to dwell on it too much; besides, leighton was just a crush, right? it’s not like you were in love with her or anything.

sure, you had denied every person who’s asked you on a date, or shown interest in you… but that had nothing to do with leighton.

oh who were you kidding? everything you did was because of leighton. she was your dream girl, and was also becoming your bestest friend. but you knew you had to get over her for the sake of that friendship. maybe that’s why you ended up giving your number to dani martinez, one of the girls on the softball team. she was tall, and had dark black hair that fell just bellow her shoulders; her eyes were dark and full of mischief. she flirted with you every time she came into the library, which wasn’t very often, but she was definitely very persistent.

today you had finally given her your number after rejecting her for two months. the gigantic smile that overtook her features as soon as you did, caused you to genuinely giggle. leighton ironically walks into the library as soon as dani walks out, and she greets you with that colgate smile which always causes the butterflies in your belly to burst. “hey you, come on we’re trying this new greek place today.” she tells you.

you flash her that sweet little smile, and that’s when it hits her that this is the first time in a month that she’s seen that genuine smile. it causes her to falter for a moment, “everything okay? you look happy.” she comments, trying not to sound too suspicious. you nod, “yeah, i’m good. come on, let’s go get some greek food.” you tell her, nudging her shoulder with your own. leighton decides not to press any further. she thought things were okay between you two, but perhaps she was wrong.

relax, leighton, you’re probably just overthinking things.

leighton’s subconscious attempts to soothe her, but she can’t help but wonder if maybe she did something wrong. did she say something rude? she had a tendency to say the wrong thing all the time… but you always understood her. you somehow always knew what leighton was trying to say, and it was nice. she felt like she belonged right beside you, and when she was talking to you, opening up came so easily. not to mention how kind you are, and leighton wasn’t blind. she was aware of how beautiful you are.

in her opinion you were perfect. that’s why it was so hard for her to just make a move on you; if you didn’t feel the same, it would crush her. everything you did already affected her, hell, when she thought you were upset with her last month she had a mini panic attack. today was friday and you canceled on her via text. she couldn’t even complain or ask you why, she knew it wasn’t really any of her business what you were doing on a friday night… but you always spent friday nights with her.

she ends up hanging out with whitney. the two were picking up some food from an italian restaurant down the street from the university. whitney has been wanting to try it for weeks, but leighton wasn’t even in the mood to eat. she was too busy wondering if you were busy with someone else tonight, or if you just didn’t want to hang out with her. she didn’t know which option was worse. she quickly gets her answer a few moments later. as if the universe hates her, she hears that carefree giggle of yours that always made her heart lurch in her chest.

her head snaps around at the sound, and the sight of you sitting in front of dani martinez— the softball teams pitcher— causes her heart to sink into the pit in her stomach. her gaze lingers on you as her eyes dare to tread down to see dani’s hand playing with yours on the table. you’re smiling at the raven haired girl with the same smile leighton thinks about nonstop throughout the day. to see it directed at some cliche jock made her angrier than she cared to admit.

dani martinez doesn’t deserve that smile.

“is that y/n?” whitney asks, squinting in your direction, “oh my god, is she here with dani? from the softball team?” the dark haired girl asks in a scandalous manner, causing leighton to scoff. “i’m sure they’re just here as friends or something. if y/n had a date tonight she would’ve told me.” leighton sounds as though she’s trying to convince herself more than her friend, but whitney doesn’t let up. “friends? friends don’t sit across from each other while holding hands.”

leighton frowns, her expression hardening as her gaze fixates on you. “i’m just gonna go ask her.” leighton declares, as she attempts to walk over to you, but whitney’s grasp around her wrist stops her. “you’re gonna crash her date?” she incredulously asks the blonde, who’s angry expression falters for a split second. “what else am i supposed to do? just let dani martinez sweep her off her feet?” leighton asks, and whitney flashes her a pointed look.

“haven’t you had months to make a move on y/n?” whitney inquires pointedly, doing nothing to ease the blonde’s vexation. “i’m working up to it!” leighton answers, agitation seeping through her tone. whitney cocks a brow in clear skepticism, “since when do you work up to anything? you’re the most impatient person i know!” whitney counterpoints, and leighton physically deflates. “it’s just… i don’t wanna ruin our friendship.” leighton’s voice is lower than before, and it causes her friends features to soften.

“yes you do; you’re just afraid she doesn’t feel the same or that it won’t work. it’s okay to be scared, you know?” whitney assures the blonde, who scoffs. “i’m not scared. leighton murray doesn’t get scared.” she tries to sound as confident as usual, but whitney can see right through her. leighton’s eyes trail over to you, and her heart cracks as she sees dani lean over the table to move a strand of hair out of your face. the way your cheeks flush in the same way they do whenever leighton fixes your hair for you, causes pure betrayal to course throughout her body.

she knew you weren’t technically hers, but watching someone else do something she always does for you makes something inside of her snap. “order for whitney.” the hostess says, as she brings out a bag of food. whitney gets distracted for a minute and it’s like leighton’s legs have a mind of their own. she begins to walk up to the table you’re sitting at; dani clearly didn’t know you preferred sitting in a booth.

you clock leighton as soon as you see her approaching the table. your eyes widen in slight panic, not because you don’t want her to interrupt your date, but because you didn’t even tell her about said date. the blonde really isn’t sure what comes over her; she hasn’t acted this rude or catty with you since you two started getting closer. yet as she stands beside your table, gazing at you with this intense pair of blue eyes that tell you firsthand just how upset she is… you know you’re in for it.

she folds her arms, not even bothering to greet you or dani. “hey leigh… what are you doing here?” you sound like you’ve just been caught doing something wrong, when you know you haven’t. you’re single, and not even leighton’s type, so why would she be upset about you having dinner with dani? “whitney and i came to pick up some pasta. what are you doing here?” she practically interrogates you, and before you can even think of a proper response, dani— who can nearly feel the jealousy radiating off of the blonde— beats you to it.

“we’re on a date.” the jock pipes up, and leighton can’t even contain a scoff. “i wasn’t taking to you, babe ruth. i was talking to her.” leighton doesn’t even bother looking at the raven haired girl, who’s jaw nearly falls agape due to the rude attitude of the blonde. you feel yourself getting smaller under her gaze, “i’ll let you two talk, i’m gonna get a drink from the bar.” dani declares as she stands up, and flashes you a small, reassuring smile. her gaze goes serious as she looks at leighton before walking off.

a silence takes over the two of you once you’re alone with the blonde. “this is what you bailed on me for?? shitty italian food with dani martinez?” leighton interrogates you, and your eyes lock with hers. “the foods not that bad.” you try to lighten up the mood, but it clearly doesn’t work because leighton is staring at you with this abnormally cold expression etched onto her features. the anger is still practically seeping off of her, and you can’t figure out why leighton is so upset about you being on a date with dani.

“you ditched our friday night hangout so you could go on a date with some wanna be max kepler.” she sardonically says, and you pause. “i don’t know who max kepler is… but dani is nice, leigh. what’s the actual problem here? i know this isn’t about me canceling.” you call her out, and leighton’s cold exterior falters; for a minute you can see just how betrayed she looks. “i just thought… i thought you’d rather go out with me. not some lame jock.” the way she says the words causes something inside of you to snap.

“of course i’d rather hang out with you, leighton, but dani asked me on a date.” you know it’s a stupid response, and you can tell by the way she’s staring at you with a look of disbelief. “so any lame jock asks you out and you’re saying yes? just like that?” leighton’s voice is catty and vexed, yet it sends a jolt of emotion into you. “well, yeah, at least someone’s asking me out. why do you even care? i’m not your type so who doesn’t matter who i choose to go out with?” you ask her, in an inscrutable manner that she’s never seen from you. leighton looks taken back for a moment, and for less than a second, her confused expression makes you feel a little bad. until you remember her words from that night. she specifically told you that you weren’t her type, you were actually far from it.

“what are you talking about?” she questions demandingly, and you go silent, unable to bring it in yourself to reveal to her that you were at that party a few weeks ago. how were you supposed to tell her that you heard what she said, and you were hurt about it? you didn’t want leighton to know you felt anything for her, you already knew she didn’t feel the same so what was the point of admitting it? you didn’t want to ruin your friendship, and you figured the best way was dating someone else to forget about her.

“y/n, what are you talking about?” leighton repeats, pulling you out of your thoughts. “i’m talking about that party you invited me to last month. i heard you talking to your little fan-girls. about your type.” you pettily throw out before you can even think about taking it back. leighton freezes, her entire demeanor shifting from confused to shocked in less than a second. “y/n i didn’t know you were there if i did—“ you cut her off, flashing her a look of disbelief. “if you did you would’ve what, leighton? lied to spare my feelings?” you inquire, undoubtedly angry.

leighton shakes her head rapidly, “no, i—“ she tries but dani returns before she can. “hey… i got you a strawberry margarita.” the jock has this nervous smile on her face, but leighton doesn’t seem to care that dani’s intentions are clearly pure. she doesn’t want any other girl taking you out on friday nights, and buying you fruity drinks. “we aren’t done talking here, martinez.” leighton angrily says, and you frown. “yes we are. dani and i are getting dessert after this.” you glare at her, mentally telling her to stop and go away.

her shoulders fall, and she visibly deflates. “y/n—“ she tries, but you shake your head. “please just go.” you can barely meet her gaze, and her heart clenches in her chest, as if it’s being squeezed so tight it might pop. the blonde wants to say something else, except she doesn’t know what else to say. or maybe she does. maybe leighton knows she should tell you how much she likes you; how despite you being nothing she’s usually into, she is. she’s very into you.

but she doesn’t.

no, instead leighton turns around and makes her way to where whitney is waiting for her. her best friend has a pointed look on her face; she clearly already knows things didn’t just pan out well for the blonde. “let me guess, she got pissed at you for crashing her date?” whitney questions, and leighton is too deep in thought to even hear the dark haired girl. “did you see y/n at that party last month? you remember the one you invited me to for girls night?” leighton asks, and whitney shakes her head.

“no, i didn’t see her there. why? did something happen?” whitney questions, and the look on leighton’s face tells her everything she needs to know. “oh god, what did you do?” the dark haired girl asks, and leighton’s eyes widen. “okay, first of all, why do you assume i did something? and second of all, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. i don’t know why y/n is being dramatic.” she mutters, “she’s only on a date tonight so she could hurt me. i bet she knew we’d be here.” leighton doesn’t sound convincing in the slightest, “we didn’t even know we were coming here until an hour ago.” whitney points out in an irritated manner.

leighton’s facade falls, and whitney can see the way leighton’s face contorts to a genuine expression. “she heard me talking to a few girls at that party last month… i was just talking out of my ass, you know? i was describing my perfect “type” of woman, and y/n heard.” leighton downplays it, and whitney raises a brow. “well, what did you say your type was?” the dark haired woman inquires, as they make their way to whitney’s dorm room. “i just said my perfect woman would probably be 5’6, good style, preferably from a major metropolitan city, blonde…” leighton’s voice fades off as she repeats her words from last month. there’s this overwhelming sense of dread that comes over her, and whitney stops in her tracks to throw leighton a surprised look.

“you basically said y/n wasn’t anything you wanted, leigh.” she points out, and leighton shakes her head quickly. “but i didn’t mean it! i was mostly describing a girl like me.” leighton admits, and whitney cocks a brow at her best friend, “and how would you feel if you heard her saying she wasn’t into blondes? or if she was describing her dream girl and you didn’t fit any of the criteria?” whitney asks, and leighton goes quiet.

“i have to go back and explain to her—“ leighton tries to speak, but her friend cuts her off with a sharp look and a shake of her head. “not now. she’s on a date, leigh. you gotta let her enjoy what’s left of her night. you can talk to her tomorrow.” whitney pointedly says, and leighton glances down at her shoes, letting out a breath. “fine. i’ll just let daniella try and get her into bed.” leighton bitterly says, and whitney laughs. “girl, y/n is so down bad for you, she’s not going to sleep with dani.” whitney assures her, and leighton sighs, unable to shake the thought from her mind.

tonight was going to be a long night.

[loveywon]

♡𓂃 ON DUTY ! — thirteen: expired prime

☼ it's officially summer season, where those in that are in school feel a breathe of fresh air from being buried with exams and work. for y/n, summer is nothing special. summer does not give her a breathe of fresh air because the oh, so annoying, pathetic, gratating jake sim prevents y/n from ever getting a break.

wc: 1.6k+, not proofread!

“are you okay?” sunghoon asks, eyes tearing away from the ocean waves to look at you, sluggishly climbing up the steps. you rub your eyes and nod in acknowledgement as your butt meets the final step of the broken down wooden stairs.

“appreciate your worry, i’m fine. i just drank riki’s prime that he left yesterday but i was working the late shift so… i couldn’t sleep. and now i’m exhausted,” you frown a little, your arms crossing over your knees as you lay your head down tiredly. sunghoon bites back a smile as he hums in response, “well why’d you drink it in the first place? you couldn’t have saved it for today or something?” you groan, trying to swat him but he’s much too far and you’re much too lazy to get up. 

“riki told me it freaking expired that night and last time i had an expired drink i had really bad food poisoning! i’m traumatized, and a free drink is a free drink so i’m going to drink it. but i didn’t think it would actually keep me up all night! normally it doesn’t work on me that much but then haewon was texting me all last night too about some hexing…” you sigh, rubbing your eyes before actually standing up, slouching slightly.

he frowns, patting your shoulder, “then how about you take a nap in the shed? i got your shift, don’t worry. not like much happens anyway. and riki’s coming in later, so when he comes i’ll tell him to wake you up, okay?” you practically beam at him, taking his hand off your shoulder and in between your hands. “oh, thank you, thank you! you’re literally my life savior. i must’ve been mother theresa in my past life,” you shake his hands aggressively before rushing down the stairs and into the rusty old shed.

–

with the sudden weight that gently fell upon you, a yawn escapes from your lips as your eyes blink open. you instinctively grab the extra fabric on top of you like a blanket, but when your eyes finally adjust to the dim light, you realize that you don’t own such a heavy and expensive jacket like this.

“oh, sorry. did i wake you?”

your eyes easily find the voice of jake who is sitting beside you with some distance in between the both of you. “um, no. it’s fine. where’s riki?” you ask him, missing the way jake’s lips curve into a frown upon the mention of his friends name. you stand up, disregarding his jacket onto the dirty wooden floor. you realize it’s dark outside already, and your shift was supposed to end at 5pm. it must’ve been at least 8pm by now, you think, as you walk towards the door of the shed.

“well… it was nice seeing you, jake,” you say through gritted teeth, clear sarcasm lacing your tone as you reach for the handle to pull the door open, which fails to do so. furrowing your brows, you pull harder. jake watches you with a raised brow, sitting with his legs spread and his cheek resting on the palm of his hand. 

“won’t open?” he asks, almost too nonchalantly. you turn around, already ready to point fingers that he did this on purpose to spite you, but he raises his arms up in surrender. “wasn’t me, i promise. riki made me switch with him because he said his sister needed a ride to somewhere, or something, i dunno,” he shrugs, arms leaning back in an eased position. you don’t believe him, but you really cannot open the door, so you sigh in defeat. 

“but you have your phone, right? you can call your friend or something to get us out,” jake offers, and you gasp, quickly reaching for your pockets to only realize – you left your phone in the lockers. “i don’t have my phone with me. what about you?” 

he purses his lips, hesitating to reach for his pocket that is obviously holding his phone. you furrow your brows at him, testing the boundaries as you take a step closer to him. he still doesn’t take his phone out of his pocket, so you make a quick reach for his pocket, grabbing his phone. 

“gross, you really need to change your screen protector. i can literally see cookie crumbs in between the cracks,” you grimace, tapping the phone for it to turn on, and it doesn’t. you groan loudly, scrunching your nose as you give him his phone back. “sorry. didn’t charge it before i left. didn’t think i needed to…” he mumbles as he shoves his useless phone back into his pocket.

you sit back in your previous sleeping area, cringing at the creaky floor. “out of all people,” you mumble underneath your breath, assuming that jake wasn’t particularly paying much attention to you because, well– why would he?

“i’m not that bad, am i? you’re making me seem like the bad guy.”

your eyes instinctively squint at his words. he’s not that bad… what a joke, you think. he was a lot to you before you started to find your distaste in him, and before, he was definitely not all that bad.

“well,” you mumble again, eyes peering up at him to only have him stare right back at you. if your heart had a face, it’d have the biggest frown. jake, as if he can see through you, frowns in return. “okay. don’t actually say anything,” he sighs as he leans forward, looking away from you for a moment.

it’s silent for a few minutes, none of you wanting to spark up a conversation nor wanting to acknowledge the elephant in the room. but you know the silence won’t last forever, since jake can barely stand silence for too long. “so,” he clears his throat, eyes darting to you but you’re staring at your shoes, “since when did you and hoon start hanging out often?” 

immediate regret settles in after the words leave jake’s lips when he sees you raise a brow at him, the corner of your lip slightly curving into a little smirk. “jealous, much? didn’t think you still cared,” you say bitterly. jake frowns again.

how can he not care? he sighs before standing up, and his sudden movement causes you to startle a bit, your eyes following him until he squats to be eye level in front of you. you furrow your brows in confusion, but the look in jake’s eyes tells you that you should be quiet. a part of you is biting angrily at you– how are you still letting him affect you like this? 

“i never stopped caring, y/n.” with a slanted smile and all, jake still manages to make you sick in the stomach, foreign yet familiar butterflies swarming around you. “you can’t just say that stuff, you know. it leads people on,” you reply, and jake can distinctly taste the venom in your tone. 

defeatedly, his head drops down to meet your knees, which catches you off guard. but as always, you can’t push him away. you don’t have the power in you to, and jake knows that as well. he closes his eyes, “you know i got this job for you, right? i don’t even like water all that much.” 

you scoff, but he shakes his head while still laying on your knees, his hair tickling your skin. “i’m serious. i knew that you’d probably never want to see me again, so i applied for this job.” you both know very well that jake is well off, that he doesn’t need a job to be stable even as a university student.

“you know me too well, then,” you mumble sarcastically, eyes trained on his honey skin, fingers aching to touch his hair. just like old times, you would like to say, but too bad, you think. jake lifts his head from your knees, sunken eyes looking directly into your own. you think he’s about to ask for forgiveness, with the desperate look in his eyes and the downturned lips.

“tell me about your school year. i wanna know,” he says instead, and you blink, pausing to see if you heard right. “i’m being for real. i missed hearing about your days, you know…” he trails off into a mumble, his hand unconsciously resting on your knee, finger occasionally rubbing soothingly on your skin. 

you’re really not the strongest soldier, the devil on your shoulder says as you begin to tell him from the very beginning of your year to the end, including all the miscellaneous things that definitely could have been left out, but you assume it’s the way jake looks at you so intently as you talk.

you feel like it’s been hours, it must be at least past two in the morning by now, and the two of you are still wide awake. but, to jake, it feels like no time has past, and he can hear you talk for the rest of his life. “wanna hear about my year?” he asks you after you finish telling him every small detail of yours, but you don’t even get to answer before jake begins to talk about how he moved into his apartment. 

“i know we were apart, but, i guess i was sort of content knowing that we were under the same stars,” he says quietly, eyes dawning on your softly sleeping figure. he takes his jacket that you discarded hours ago, shaking off the dust before putting it over you again, softer this time to not wake you. he lies down next to you, eyes looking out the small square window of the musty shed. he can’t align the stars himself, he thinks, turning his head to you, but at least he can wait for the right moment, the right time where the stars will align themselves for you two to be together.

thirteen — expired prime

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a/n i make all these references to prime but does anyone actually understand it... cuz that would b embarrassing 4 me

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[echoghost1]

Ghost of Your Touch - Valentine's Update

Fic Summary:

They were only meant to get along long enough to get through the school day. Just work on a little extra credit project and make nice. Maybe become friends, if not just acquaintances.

So why is it that Danny can't seem to think straight with just the slightest touch? Why does he want to hold on and not let go? Why does he keep finding himself closer and closer?

Ship: Unidentified Flying Ship (Wes x Danny)

You can read chapter 2 on AO3 or down below the cut

The next day at school Danny did everything he could to be as far away from Wes as he possibly could. He even avoided looking at him too.

He didn’t want to risk whatever nonsense was going on in his brain again. And he certainly didn’t want to do it in front of other people.

It seemed to be working okay. That is until it was lunchtime.

Just as he had finally started to relax he heard a familiar voice call his name.

He felt his entire body tense.

He couldn’t freeze up now.

He just needed to act natural. He could do that. 

He hoped.

"Hey," Danny said, and internally winced at how his voice cracked.

"So that project thing for Lancer, I've got practice today but I've got some time before it and Lancer said he'll be here. Figured we could probably finish it before practice?"

"After school today?"

"Yeah? Why? Do you have other plans?"

"Oh no, or I don't think so. Yeah, no, that's fine. I’m not doing anything. Today. Later." Danny hated that he was rambling. Why did he always ramble when he was nervous? 

He had no reason to be nervous. 

It was just Wes.

He wasn’t nervous. 

"Okay. See you then."

"Yup." Danny nodded and hoped it wasn't super obvious how hard he was fighting the urge to just keep talking.

Wes hesitated but finally left to have lunch somewhere else.

"Alright spill," Sam said.

"What?" Danny turned and found both his friends looking very expectant. 

"Yeah man, what happened yesterday?" Tucker asked.

"Nothing!" Danny denied way too quickly. He tried to fix that by adding, "What makes you think anything happened?"

The two shared a knowing look.

"Nothing happened," Danny pleaded, "seriously."

"Oh this is gonna be good," Tucker said with a devious grin as he eagerly waited for Danny to cave and spill.

Danny shifted his gaze to gauge Sam's reaction and realized that he preferred Tucker’s look now.

She locked eyes with him, and with the intensity of her stare, he was scared to keep looking and equally afraid to look away.

She squinted at him as if just staring at him harder would get the answers she was looking for.

Although she might be right about that. 

Where was the convenient ghost attack when you needed it? It'd been a few hours since the Box Ghost last stopped by, he had to be due any minute now.

Please.

Skulker? He hadn’t hunted around here for at least a week. Clearly, he needed to stop by right now.

"You didn't," Sam accused more than asked.

"I literally have no idea what you're accusing me of so I can neither confirm nor deny." How could she figure him out so fast?

"I can't believe this."

Danny wasn't sure how, but he felt his face burning and ice running through his veins.

"Seriously?!"

"You still haven't told me what you're mad at me for," Danny stuttered as he looked around desperate for some kind of distraction.

Literally anything.

He'd even be okay with Dash wanting to wail on him right now.

Anything to keep Sam from…

From what?

There wasn’t anything for her to do was there?

To say?

To reveal…

"It’s not what you think!" Danny blurted out.

"Oh really?" Sam said with a quirked brow and her arms crossed.

"Yeah, it's literally nothing. No things have happened or changed or anything."

Gosh, her smug look was somehow worse than the anger.

"So you don't have a crush?" Asked a familiar voice from behind him.

Danny spun around so fast he phased his legs through the table so he wouldn't have to stop. "Jazz!?!"

"Crush? I thought we were talking about Wes?" Tucker asked as he slowly set his homemade triple meat sandwich down.

"We are," Sam said.

"Isn’t he that kid that fell out of the tree across the street last week trying to get your picture?" Jazz asked as she sat down beside her brother.

"Yes, but it’s fine," Danny said as he turned back around, still using his intangibility because he could.

"Danny, he's practically stalking you."

"He’s just trying to gather evidence to prove that I'm Phantom."

"That’s worse." Tucker said, "You have to know that’s worse."

"It’s fine. No one believes him anyway."

"Still a stalker," Sam repeated. 

"Geez, he's only been out there twice. That's hardly enough times for it to be stalking."

"Twice?" The three of them asked.

Uh oh.

"Danny," Sam said sternly. 

Oh no.

"When did he come back?" Jazz asked.

"Definitely not last night." Danny lied spectacularly badly.

"Are you serious?"

"No?"

This was going so badly. How could this be going so badly?

This is the worst he'd ever lied in his whole life.

As long as Jazz doesn't mention the hand holding he’ll be fine.

As long as they don’t ask what happened when Wes visited last night he’ll be fine.

As long as they don’t ask what he’s been thinking about whenever they touch it’s fine.

As long as he doesn't start thinking about how warm Wes is. How nice it would be to snuggle up next to him.

Or about how Wes probably has muscles from working out because he plays sports. He might be able to pick him up. He could literally sweep him off his feet.

Definitely don’t think about how pretty those green eyes of his are. How they sparkled like little emeralds against his ghostly glow.

The number one thing not to think about is his lips and how he would use them.

“I need to go,” Danny said as best he could but it felt, and sounded, like every syllable of each word was fighting its way out of his throat.

His friends and sister called after him but he just walked away.

He wasn’t sure if he was blushing really badly or if his whole head was on fire. 

Maybe his head was on fire, that would explain why it was so hard to breathe.

It wasn’t until he stumbled into the sink that he realized he had made it into the bathroom. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going at all.

Must have found it by muscle memory.

His whole body was shaking and it took way more concentration than it should have to turn on the water and splash some on his face.

He needed to calm down.

This can’t be a crush.

He’s had crushes before, but they were never like this.

Why is he like this?

All they did was hold hands.

This was too fast.

“Are you okay?”

Danny turned toward the voice and everything stopped.

He was here.

[fiercedaddy]

So, im retyping this again?, my post decided to just disappear, so let’s say i have this friend, not @hyperfixatezz of course!, were very very close :), but anyways, this friend did have tumblr at one point but i rather not tag them.

So im not sure if i should even call them a friend honestly, that’s kinda why im posting this because im confused on what i should do, we barely talk anymore like we normally used to, we used to always text, call and hang out, now i understand their irl struggles..and hope things work out for them but, let me explain a few things.

One, they always ignore me, never reply or when they do they tend to talk about themselves, never “hi” “hru”, it hurt sometimes whenever I except them to text me and have a conversation, sometimes they text good morning out of no where..which is nice to finally hear.

We used to always call, text talk?, she was also homeschooled like me but had to end up going back to public school, which in the end it feels like whenever she brings it up she throws it in my face “hey i got friends now” “you should also go to school lmao” …and im sensitive about that topic a little you know?, it bothers me alot, because thats all she wants to talk about if we actually call or something, but now that she’s in school again she tends to say whenever im able to call, “sorry im talking to a school friend”, which is fine!, I understand that but she actually introduced me to them, got me on call and everything but the first thing i heard was “oh we planned a trip and everything!” …..and they literally just met?, no offense but me and them had a meet up plan, to move in with each other but they went and changed that with the new person, i felt so uncomfortable in that moment…it was so weird??

Now, this reason just happened recently, she didn’t text me for about two weeks?, you know silent, but then out of nowhere she said “call me i have something big to tell you”, but I couldn’t and im nervous about calling and i stopped calling them because all i ever heard was stuff about school?…again 👏, but when they found out I couldn’t call they texted me, turns out it was a vent, and they didn’t even ask if i was okay with it, and afterwards “sorry i dumped that on you, hope your okay.” 🧍‍♂️….,im very uncomfortable with that, not only because she dumped it on me, because im not good at comforting people and whenever someone vents to me im scared i might say something wrong….

Reason 289!, yesterday? She texted in the group chat i have with my friend hyper!, now…why?, it didn’t make any sense to type it there and then say, sorry you can’t??, if she wanted me to do it why didn’t she dm me?…im so pissed about that because me and Hyper are lowkey so close and she hurt their feelings-….also then got my birthday wrong…again (moon is hyper!

i have no idea what to do, me and them have stopped talking before but-…i felt bad 😭

[crazedlunatic]

Matt & Adrian’s First Date

“I honestly didn’t think you were going to show up. That’s why I suggested the beach… since, you know, you spent two months cancelling within two hours of the date.”

Adrian sat down on the ground in front of him, looking apologetic but not actually apologizing. “I didn’t even know there were beaches here.”

“How did you not know there were beaches here?” Cookie Guy, or Matt, looked at him like he was crazy. “There’s seven… although, honestly I would only consider three of them real beaches myself. Massachusetts has a weird definition of beach.”

“I probably did not know because I’m not from here and spend 90% of my life at work or school.” Adrian shrugged.

“So, you don’t live here live here?”

“I’ve been here about a year and a half. I go to Harvard.”

“You were giving me a hard time about my age and you’re still in undergrad?” Matt looked amused.

“No. Harvard Law.”

“Oh. Wow.” Matt’s eyes widened. “Okay then.”

“Yep. A pretty guy who is smart too. Love the trope.” Adrian sighed.

“School isn’t really my thing.” Matt said. “But good for you.”

“What is your thing?”

“Apparently playing date tag with a stranger who stole my cookie.” Matt shrugged.

Those freaking blue eyes.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“There is no way you had things come up for two straight months, by the way. So why did you even come?”

Adrian narrowed his yes.

“I mean… I even had to get two shifts covered only for you to cancel… that meant I had to work St. Patrick’s Day and I really wanted to get drunk, so…” Matt said. “It’s literally the first actual holiday I’ve had off in three years… well, would have been.”

“Your job sounds like it sucks.”

“It pays well.” Matt shrugged.

“Are you even old enough to legally drink?” Adrian asked him.

“Do you think you’re better than everyone else or just me?” Matt titled his head.

“Wh—”

“You aren’t very nice. I thought the whole cookie thing may have been a fluke because we all have bad days… but you don’t seem that much better today.”

“Are you even old enough to date somebody out of undergrad?”

“Okay.” Matt stood. “Have a good day, Adrian. Watch out for sharks. Probably aren’t any at this beach but they saw three yesterday in Cape Cod.”

“I’m sorry. Don’t go.” Adrian looked at him.

“Why did you keep rescheduling for two months to sit here and do this? Do you think because you go to Harvard Law and you’ve got a nice face, that you can treat people however you want?”

“Because I don’t do this very well.” Adrian said. “I’m sorry.”

“Well with that attitude, I’m not surprised.” Matt sat back down. “Where are you from?”

“Colorado.”

“Denver?”

“No.”

“Aspen?”

“No.” Adrian scrunched his nose up. “Boulder.”

“What is even there? Nobody can ever tell me.”

“A lot of mountains, a lot of parks, a lot of trails, and a lot of skiing… among other things.” Adrian said. “Where are you from?”

“Here.” Matt shrugged. “But you already know what’s here.”

“Yeah, some of it.” Adrian laughed a little bit. “Honestly the only time I really get to see any of it is on winter and summer break.”

“You don’t go home?”

“I went back when my grandmother died two months ago but that was it… and I basically left after the funeral.” Adrian looked thoughtful.

“Oh my God. Is that why you cancelled?”

“Just the second time.” Adrian looked around. It wasn’t a typical beach… but it was still very nice… and very Cambridge.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Where do you work?”

“CMJ.”

“Oh God.” Matt groaned.

“What?” Adrian asked, somewhat dismissively.

“Oh, it’s great. My dad is really close friends with one of the owners, though, and he gives me a hard time.” Matt laughed.

“… Which one? Jeff?”

“That guy is an idiot. No. Bob. Er, Robert? I don’t know what people call him at work. My dad just calls him Robbie but it feels weird to call him that.”

“Your poor dad.” Adrian said.

“No. Bob’s great.” Matt shook his head. “He’s a really good person. He can be a bit of a dick, though. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go to CMJ to…”

“To what?”

“Give him stuff for my dad.”

It was kind of true.

If by stuff you meant following him home after bad trials and keeping him from getting beat up in the office when giving criminals bad news.

Technicalities.

“What does your dad do? Is he in law?”

“No. He’s the Chief of Police. When I have nothing to do, he sends me on errands… I mean, he could just make Pete do it but I’m the youngest and we always get the short end of the stick… even though I am taller by half an inch. Which I remind him daily.”

“I’m the oldest sibling.”

“Yeah, I can totally see that.” Matt nodded.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Adrian laughed, not sure whether he should be offended.

“The oldest sibling always thinks he’s better than everyone else.”

Adrian opened his mouth and then closed it.

“You didn’t even disagree. Oh my God.” Matt rolled his eyes but he was smiling. “How many siblings do you have?”

“Four. Including a twin.”

“Oh God. Do I have to worry about you switching up on me?”

“Well that would be a silly thing to worry about because she is a girl, so no worries there. My youngest brother does look a lot like me when I was his age, though.”

“I am the youngest of four… and all of us are boys.”

“Your poor mother.”

“Everyone always says that. I mean, we were all pretty good, though.”

“Well you had a police officer for a dad.” Adrian pointed out.

“Same as any other dad. We just saw him a lot less on holidays.” Matt shrugged. “Plus, I basically put them through hell from fifteen to eighteen so I was the only trouble child… My mom used to call me ‘Trouble.’”

“What, was that last year?” Adrian teased, but this time Matt could tell he wasn’t doing it to be rude.

“Ha. No. And quit fishing. I’m not telling you.”

“I’m 23. I’m not going to be very happy if you are still a teenager or only 20.”

“I am not 20.”

“21?”

Matt shrugged.

“22?”

Matt shrugged again.

“There is no way you are older than 23.”

“I dunno.” Matt singsonged.

“If I was this anxious about a date with a 20 year old, I am going to be so pissed.”

“Let’s go do something.” Matt hopped up and held out his hand to help Adrian up.

As soon as Adrian was standing, a kid came and tackled Matt, arms going around his legs.

“THANK YOU MATTTTT!”

Adrian looked around, very confused, as a woman rushed up after the small girl.

“Mommy, it’s Matt and he saved my cat. Matt Cat. Cat Matt.”

“Sweetie, please have boundaries and he’s not even working.” The woman said.

“Nuh uh, Mommy. They’re always working. It’s in the rule book.”

“That rule book actually doesn’t exist. I was joking.” Matt said as the little girl let him go.

“At any rate, thank you again for saving her cat.” The girl’s mom said.

“Who doesn’t want to climb a million foot tree in the rain to save a cat?” Matt shrugged.

“You’re the best.” The girl looked at Matt like he’d hung the moon… and also kind of like a child-stalker.

“Okay. Tell him thank you one more time and then we have to leave because he’s on a date.”

“But they’re both boys, Mommy.”

“Well sometimes boys like boys.” The woman said. “Tell him bye.”

“Bye, Matt! Have fun kissing!”

The woman mouthed ‘I’m so sorry’ before going after her daughter, who had run off.

“What was that about?” Adrian asked. “Random girls call you when their cat is stuck in a tree?”

“I mean… not usually. My assumption is the firemen were elsewhere?” Matt shrugged. “Honestly, though, I’m pretty sure she’s in love with me. Any time she sees me she does the same thing—makes some excuse to run over and hug me… but her Mom is close friends with one of my brothers so it’s kind of hard to say, ‘I’m tired, sorry.’”

“How many girls have crushes on you?”

“What age range are we talking?” Matt asked.

“How many age ranges have crushes on you?”

“Well, you’ve got your toddler range, your kid range, your preteen range, your—”

“Okay, okay. You’re cute and likable. I get it.” Adrian laughed. “What are we going to do?”

“Are you hungry?” Matt asked.

“Not yet.” Adrian shook his head.

“Have you been to the Museum of Bad Art? It’s in the Somerville Theater.”

“How far away is Somerville?”

“You really haven’t been around much, have you?” Matt stopped outside of a very sporty Honda Civic.

“Oh God. Is this yours?”

“Yes. It is. I was too lazy to fill up my work car. I’m actually very selective about when I drive it.”

“Well, it’s very nice… how far away are we going, though? You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?” Adrian was mostly joking but gave Matt a look.

“It’s less than ten minutes away.”

“Okay.” Adrian got into the car.

Honestly, if people were coming up and thanking him for saving cats, he must not have been that creepy.

…

“That was ridiculous. I mean, I hadn’t been before either. But wow.”

“I don’t know. I was kind of partial to the ferret in a brothel one.”

“Not the creepy cat that looks like it was about to recite the Pledge of Allegiance? That or go off to war?” Matt looked at him. “Or that torso phone? I couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be being murdered or having an orgasm.”

“Yeah, that was creepier than the cat. I liked the sign that said the gallery was protected by fake security cameras.”

“Like 60% of all security cameras are fake.”

“How do you know that?” Adrian asked.

“Because companies are cheap as all get out.” Matt shrugged. “So… are you hungry yet?”

“Not really.”

“Fine. Can I just kiss you now then?”

“What?” Adrian looked at him, shocked.

“Well usually you wait until the end of the date but I’ve pretty much been thinking about it since the first time I saw you and—”

Adrian stepped up, kissing him mid-sentence.

“Oh. Okay. That was unexpected.”

Adrian smiled brightly.

“What if we just… go to my house and do that some more until you’re hungry?”  Matt asked.

“Okay.” Adrian got into the passenger seat of his car.

Sure, he’d literally had sex with one of his classmates two nights before. It wasn’t serious, though… Actually, Adrian was never very serious.

Although this did feel… different.

“To be honest, I haven’t been there in two and a half days and I had barely any sleep before I left so I’m not sure if it’s clean or not but…”

“I don’t plan to be looking at your tables or floors, Matt.”

…

Adrian woke up the next morning, comfortable and warm but having no idea where he was.

Neighborhood, anything.

He could remember making out with Matt, things getting heated, and then zip. Nada. Nothing.

He was still dressed, though, so that was good.

He stood and left Matt’s bedroom, walking into the living room. Matt was sitting in his pajamas and talking on his phone.

“I mean, I’m already pulling 64 hours next week and after tonight, I’ll be at 58 for this week… Theoretically, yeah, but nobody wants to do that… Logan, seriously, if you don’t give me my birthday and Christmas off, I am going to make your life a living hell until one of us dies—probably you because you’re older… Yeah, love you too asshole. Seriously. Birthday. And. Christmas. Fine. Bye.”

“That sounds like a very crazy work schedule.” Adrian said, coming over.

Matt didn’t even jump. He just shrugged when Adrian sat down next to him.

“You knew I was back there, didn’t you?”

Matt nodded.

“I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded again.

“We didn’t have sex right?”

“Nope.” Matt shook his head.

Adrian nodded his head once, looking at Matt. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. A first date doesn’t have to end with sex.” Matt shrugged. “You must have been tired. You were just out. I was almost worried you’d passed out from lack of oxygen.”

“Oh God.” Adrian’s eyes widened in horror.

“I’m kidding. You fell asleep when I went to use the bathroom.” Matt smiled.

“Your pillow was comfortable.”

“Yeah. I’m kind of partial to it.” Matt’s smile grew and he looked into Adrian’s eyes.

“I… uhm…” Adrian bit his lip and looked at him. “I really enjoyed yesterday with you.”

“I had fun too.” Matt smiled again.

Adrian leaned forward, his hand resting on Matt’s thigh.

“Before we do… this.” Matt sat up. “I have to admit something. I was just not going to tell you, but…I probably should.”

“If you tell me you’re straight and married with children, I might kill you.” Adrian said.

“We, uhm… met before.”

“At the coffee shop. I know. You gave me the cookie.”

“Well I almost gave you something earlier that day too.”

“What?” Adrian looked confused. “Is that an inuendo?”

“No!” Matt said quickly. “I almost gave you a ticket.”

“You wha— Oh my God. I knew I know you from somewhere!”

“Yeah. I should have told you at the coffee shop but… I didn’t want you to just turn me down again.” Matt admitted. “And then I was going to just not tell you at all but… I had a lot of fun with you yesterday and if this goes somewhere, I didn’t want us to start out with a lie.”

“They were on lunch by the way.”

“I know. Ugh, they always are from 1 to 2… but people have died going 20 miles over the speed limit several times, so…”

Adrian leaned forward and kissed him. He then pulled away quickly. “Hey! You gave me a hard time but you parked illegally outside of the coffee shop!”

“I know, I know. I didn’t know the line would be so long and honestly, they never care when I do it. Actually, it makes their shop look safer. It’s not in the best part of town.” Matt shrugged.

“You’re a cop.”

“Police officer.”

“You’re a police officer.” Adrian repeated.

“I promise I’m not a buzzkill at parties… I am, however, the one that barely drinks so I can make sure everyone gets home safe.” Matt said. “Even if you don’t see it, I will always have a gun. And I’ll always walk in before you because it’s what I do with my team out there and it’s kind of habit. I will hold it open for you still, though. I probably just won’t be looking at you while I do it… and I’ll always want to sit facing the entrance because I like to know who and what’s around me.”

Surely he’s not super young if he’s got his own team and goes in first… He must be good.

“I might be able to handle that.” Adrian gave him a small smile. “Are there perks?”

“Donuts.” Matt grinned. “Seriously. I’m not even joking… although I’ll eat any pastry. That and girl scout cookies will shut the office down.”

“What is the best part?” Adrian asked.

“The kids. My partner and I always stop at the lemonade stands and when it’s slow, we’ll play ball with kids in the neighborhood… also, when it’s slow when we work in the winter we sled with them.”

He is just too freaking adorable, Adrian thought.

“Worst part?”

“There’s a few worst parts.” Matt admitted. “Like being the first one to an accident and having to hold someone as they’re dying… coming up on an accident from speeding and seeing mangled bodies of people who didn’t have on seatbelts—especially kids. And… having to kill people.”

“You’ve had to kill people?”

“Twice. It really sucks knowing that you’ve ended a life even if it was to save someone else.”

Adrian nodded, frowning.

“The pros definitely outweigh the cons. All the emergency services are like your second family. Well, I guess I have actual real family in the police station too… And Shop with A Cop at Christmas is the best although I usually end up spending my own money too, not just what we’ve raised…I mean, basically anything with kids and I’m down. They’re so funny.”

“You don’t have a handcuff kink, right?”

“Oh God, no. Besides, handcuffs are disgusting. Everything from cocaine to feces on them. Anyone who would willingly put those on is crazy.” Matt shuddered. “Plus, I’m pretty vanilla. Very vanilla actually.”

“Are you going to tell me how old you are yet?” Adrian asked.

“Eventually I will.” Matt nodded.  “But not yet.”

“But you are 21 or over?”

“Yep!” Matt said cheerfully. “So… you’re taking me out on the next date, right?”

“Yes… but only if you come back to bed with me now.”

“Don’t have to say that twice.” Matt hopped up.

“Hey… where’s your gun now?” Adrian asked, crawling onto the bed.

“Safe where nobody can get to it. Literally. In a safe.” Matt crawled on top of his, unbuttoning your shirt. “You’ll definitely be doing a walk of shame back into your apartment tonight. Sorry.”

“I have a feeling it will be worth it.” Adrian pulled Matt down on top of him.

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 7: SC Preview Day 2

And so another Supreme Court Preview comes to an end. I enjoyed myself even if I now am a little tired and overwhelmed. The upside of course is that I have done a lot today (I mean like not really a lot in terms of stuff on my to do list but a lot in terms of percentage of brain used) and now I can justify an afternoon/evening of relative laziness.

The event this year definitely had a lot of technical difficulties. They got better as the day wore on but like, this is the 3rd hybrid year, plus the all virtual 2020, and I feel like they should have fixed the glitches by now. I mean it didn’t even really glitch last year so where is all this coming from? Yesterday the screen kept flashing the AV guy’s profile as if he were taking over the zoom meeting, although it didn’t affect the sound. Today there were a couple of instances where the screen totally blacked out and just showed the name of a 3L who’s worked for the director of the conference, as if she had taken over the zoom. That was what I saw when I first logged in after a lot of issues (I won’t blame my issues on the school though because I think the 2-3 times my zoom crashed was probably me and my computer rather than the conference) so it did not inspire confidence. On one or two occasions the sound cut out entirely. One panel just ended with the speaker abruptly cut off and then a solid 10 minutes of black zoom-screen. In the second to last panel, there was a period where the mics were kind of echoing in an unpleasant way. It was just really weird.

I did notice that this year, the camera was a little more… inventive than in the past. The panels have been recorded for a really long time, even before the age of zoom. Now they’re recorded using zoom, like the event is webcast to virtual attendees such as myself and zoom also records. But before that, it was just a stationary camera that was set up to pick up the entire panel and just sort of stayed where it was the whole time. That was the setup last year too as far as I can recall. But this year, they kept zooming the camera in on the speaker. When this worked well, it was nice: you could see the person way better and the image was clearer. But the camera didn’t always keep up with the change of speaker so sometimes it was zoomed in on A but B had started speaking and that was a little odd. Anyway, it’s literally just a theory but I wonder if this change is related to all the technical difficulties. I’m honestly… like it’s fine, I survived, it did get better, but I am worried because if what I saw was also what was recorded, content was lost.

Anyway, my brain is pretty fried and I want to turn it off for a bit, but here are my very quick and general impressions on the panels.

Last night’s Court’s Public Image panel: I already wrote about this one but Melissa Murray was really the GOAT here. The ‘general thoughts on the Court’s personalities’ panels are always a little more wishy-washy I feel, in terms of structure, but I did enjoy it.

Admin Law: I get why they put Admin Law first, because it’s not really a headliner, but I also hate that they put Admin Law first. Like these aren’t uninteresting topics but they are NOT for 9am. I couldn’t even log in until it was a solid 15 minutes in and then I had so many technical difficulties that I only got to watch maybe 40-50% of it total. And I didn’t comprehend a whole lot because I had literally just woken up.

Procedural Problems: I liked this one a lot, especially the sort of…. expertise-takes on stuff like the Shadow Docket (which they refused to call the shadow docket lmao—it’s the emergency docket). There was a really interesting point about the DC Circuit and national injunctions which I think sort of indirectly spoke to the lack of non-obvious diversity, like career diversity, on the Court. Too many people come from the unusual circumstance of the DC Circuit and don’t perhaps get the problems with lower courts issuing nation-wide injunctions. Hearing discussions about the emergency docket as well that weren’t, like, scare-mongering even as they did point out the issues of relying on it more was also pretty refreshing to me, and the sort of thing I like SC Preview for. Like the insider-POV can be annoying, as I said last night, in the way all law-community discussions are a little annoying, but refreshing too.

Collegiality on the Bench: The Judges Panel!! I loved the judges panel. SC Preview really assumes that you are very well-versed in the law that’s being discussed and pretty reasonably up to date on the cases in the air right now, which, like, I do have a law background, I’m not totally out of the loop, but I’m not as expert or as involved as the panelists, obviously, or the real target audience here. So it is intellectually challenging. But this panel is always like a little bit of relief because it really doesn’t require you to know much of anything other than what a federal judge is. Then you just listen to 4 of them tell stories and give you kind of a behind the scenes on judge bowling night and judge happy hour and different circuit editing etiquette and how not to make enemies with your judge colleagues. One person said he never puts the Judge’s name down in the opinion when he cites their prior case while disagreeing and I just thought that was so interesting. Like, it’s fine and on point and even necessary to cite, in a dissent, a prior case that is at odds with your colleague’s point. But it’s mean and uncalled for to point out in so many words that your colleague WROTE that case. Makes so much sense. It’s just lots of fun stuff like that (I think it’s fun) and I always have a good time. (Always, lol, this is the second one I’ve watched. But I hope it’s a tradition they keep up!)

Election Law: This was one of three topic-specific panels happening at once but the only one I could attend virtually. But I probably would have attended it anyway. Election Law to me is second only to Immigration Law in that you probably need some sort of minimal background in it specifically to understand it because you can’t take assumptions from other areas of law into it. It’s also frustrating to so much as glance at because it’s full of Catch-22s and impossible logic puzzles. The most interesting part was the discussion at the end about the possibility of disqualifying Tr**p from being on the ballot in ’24 because of the whole overthrowing the government thing. They all seemed to agree this was a no-go for practical/pragmatic reasons but one made a really good argument that the Court should take up the question and do it soon. Because you don’t want it to happening after he’s already the nominee or presumed nominee, for I think obvious reasons, or when he’s won literally any state at all because again that looks so blatantly political. But you ALSO don’t want no ruling, because then if he were to win the general election, it would be easy for Congress to bring up the point: he was illegally elected because he shouldn’t have been on the ballot. In other words, it is a political question (not in the legal sense haha, a question wrapped up in politics not a non-justiciable question) and the longer it stays open the more it can be used or even just perceived as a political weapon and the more polarizing and terrible that would be.

Online Speech: This is an interesting concept but I had a hard time following certain parts. I appreciated the overview at the top but then I was in and out for the specifics. I think it was because I was getting tired and also hungry—I actually got food delivered to me during this panel. (There was a lunch break but I used it to leave my computer for a bit and wash dishes and do some other cleaning haha.) The most interesting (most intelligible? Haha) question to me was about whether or not elected officials with social media accounts can ban people from following them, a question that obviously came up first with #45, where the answer was clear, but is now coming up with other, smaller-fry local politicians. I don’t know that I think this will be a tough call—as one panelist said, an answer is needed but only so that people can tailor their behavior to an announced rule—but it is interesting to me anyway. I had heard about some of the other cases or at least about their general questions-at-issue (Section 230, content moderation, government ‘coercion’ of social media companies etc.) but this was an area I didn’t really know was being litigated tbh.

Civil Rights Cases: Saving the banger for last on purpose, I’m sure. This was a really good panel, it covered a lot of diverse issues, and…how to put this? It was easy to follow for the end of the day. Each person did a little presentation on a different issue, just sort of overviewing where it is, where it might go, and the short, prepared speeches were easy to digest. There wasn’t a ton of cross-talk, debate, or questions. They covered abortion (basically stuff I already knew since I keep up with this decently), guns (sort of…? again, nothing I didn’t know from following legal news), civil forfeiture, which was a sort of unusual but cool inclusion that I’m now excited about seeing before the Court because the partisan dividing lines are so unusual, the Trump T-shirt trademark case, racial gerrymandering and the TJ school case (these were both presented by a lawyer involved in these cases, one of the few moments of real partisanship in the event, though not in a bad or unprecedented way), and qualified immunity. That one was REALLY interesting because, like, okay, we all hate qualified immunity. A lot of the Justices hate it too. It’s bad. But it’s NOT being teed up at the Court, despite all the popular and academic attention on it right now, and they speculated that this is because 5 Justices probably want to get rid of but no majority of Justices knows what to do NEXT, or agrees on what to do next. In particular, although Thomas is one of the ones who wants it gone, he also wants to narrow 1983 relief in other ways, which would then, I inferred, be more on the table if the doctrine as it stands now were abandoned. Again, this is an issue a lot of people know about and have strong opinions about and for good reason, but the practical reality of it is different if you’re looking at it from this inside the law perspective and sometimes, I do like getting that perspective.

Okay, it’s almost 5, the Preview ended at 4:10. No more law for me today. I want to chill for a little bit and then later I might make an apple crisp maybe? I also use some of the breaks to work on planning my Troped Horror Exchange fic and my goal for the end of this weekend is to have it totally outlined and ready for writing.

[sanarsi]

Okay bitches, story timeeee @evolnoomym @pearlforever

My boss was my hairdresser. We met likeeee 1,5 years ago? He was cute from the start, caught my eye, you know, my type but in a teddy bear version (he’s kinda fat but not in a bad way, more like,,, best hugs, soft etc. but idm I like big soft boys)

I remember the first time I told him he reminded me of my brother (energy) and he said “Damn, friendzoned right away.” (in a joking way but still HUH)

Of course I became a regular client (we saw each other once every 3/4 months) UNTIL HE BECAME MY TATTOO ARTIST

It looked likeee he was telling me that he does tattoos and that if I wanted he could do something f me. I am corrupt and nice so I said “Sure, why not” and we met for an 8h session - a tattoo on my chest, biceps and hand. As you can imagine, I sat half naked and watched a series while talking to him. HE HAS so damn warm hands unlike my cold skin ugh

And you know, one session, two, three, in between also coming to have my hair done, each time he told me that if I wanted to change my job, he was looking for a barber, he would train me and do everything to prepare me from scratch.

He really talked about it EVERY time, every time he offered me a job at his place but I refused because I had other plans for my life at that time, but you know how it is, with time a lot of fatigue changes (my whole life turned upside down) so I called to see if his offer was still valid, it was so I started training.

He was very proud of me, literally at the second training he said that I was doing great on my own so he would just come at the end and correct some mistakes. He even praised me privately and promised that if I continued to behave like this, after 4 training sessions I would have the job, of course I got it.

And you know how it is (maybe it’s just me) but I’ve noticed that adults talk very openly about relationships, sex, etc. of course he’s one of those people. He knew for a long time that my ex was fucked up so sometimes he’d ask more about it, of course I’d answer in general. He also knew that my partners were bad in bed, and that I was tired of it and just didn’t want to get into relationships where others always gain from everything and I’m left with traumas. And he always replied that I just met shitty guys.

And yesterday we finished work early, and we were standing in front of salon smoking and talking AND THESE CURSED TOPICS CAME IN AGAIN. Between questions he also talked about himself and his ex-partner, how their relationship ended etc. and between that there was also a normal conversation like fill the gap and I asked which bar was going to have the New Year's Eve he told me about. The bar was right next door so he suggested he show me and we could go there for a drink AND OF COURSE I SAID OK, WHY NOT

We had one drink, he talked to the owners for a while and I’m quiet so I stood by and listened and sometimes I laughed. Until we sat down at a table and started talking.

He told me about his family, his school days, how he started running the business, his interests and past relationships (he’s an extrovert so he kind of...talks all the time. but I don’t mind) We laughed, had another drink and like,,, fuck him.

I’m fucking ovulating and he asked me what was wrong in my past relationships and started telling me how he did everything to bring his partner to orgasm (yes, exactly what I just wrote) that the most important thing in a relationship is talking, and all the things you should do to just make it work which he did but his relationships ended anyway because his exes just didn’t want to talk about the problems.

And fuck him for saying that arguments that are ‘too emotional’ are best resolved in bed BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN VENT AND EVERYONE GAINS FROM IT and only then talk bout the problem. Yes, fuck him for that. I told him that I believe him at his word because I haven’t experienced it myself. And he also said that apology sex is the best???? FUCK. HIM.

And finally we left because we sat there for 2 hours and talked for a while, he said it was very nice and that we should go out more often and he hugged me.

Story time in general 🙂

Am I delusional bout my boss? Yes.

Is he flirting with me? Also yes!

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

[just-some-sad-kiddo]

This morning, I woke up a little before my alarm and did a little bit of journaling since I don’t like going on electronics first thing in the morning. It was nice to get some thoughts out. I’m thinking that when my Google home arrives, I’ll set it up to play some easy, gentle music in the morning. I also need to get a blindfold or something for my morning meditation because I get distracted too easily when I open my eyes but I always forget to keep them closed.

I think I want to try putting boba into the Yorkshire tea. I mean, it’s just milk tea. They just call it tea here, of course, but for me it’s milk tea. Charlotte told me that there was a good Asian food shop in York that she and her friends go to sometimes.

I need to ask Shannon if he wants to visit for Christmas. Mom said that she’d pay for his ticket if he did since Dad wouldn’t be obligated to at that point. I hope that he does decide to come since we did have a lot of fun when all of us went to England together the last time.

So, I’ve started writing my thoughts on paper during the day so that I don’t get distracted while I’m trying to work. I think I might also start doing a handwriting journal since, honestly, my handwriting could be better. 

I need to start working on my GCSE shit. That’s the English version of the SATs but I need to figure out how they work and how to study for them. I was hoping that i’d be able to find some kind of remote option for school since that’s what I’m used to, but all of the remote options don’t work for me. First off, they’re expensive as hell and second, they never have any art courses. It makes sense that you have to do art in-person but my last school experience was so miserable that I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. I’ve really been spoiled lately with my online learning i’ve been doing for the past year. I wear what I want, eat what I want, work when I want, and I can wear my headphones so that I don’t experience any sensory overload. I can’t do pretty much any of that shit at Selby which is just fantastic. I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever failed a class due to my literal disability. Oh, wait. I have. Multiple times. Of course, when I expressed my concerns to Mom, she did the thing where it’s illegal for me to be upset. Honestly, why do I tell her anything anymore? She does this every time. If I went back through my journal and looked, I’d probably find a thousand times she’s done this. I seriously need to remember not to say anything negative around her ever. She’s the only one who is allowed emotions. Who cares that I had a meltdown earlier today because Athena and Eris wouldn’t stop fighting? It’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. I’m just an angsty teenage pessimist who doesn’t have any real problems. 

This house is really cold, but nobody wants to turn the heat on because of how expensive electricity is right now because of the Russia/Ukraine war. I can’t even step into the kitchen barefoot or my feet will literally freeze. Trust me, I tried it yesterday. Worst mistake of my life.

I’m really, really excited to start working. I turned in my resume today at Gingers, but I don’t really think I’ll get the job. For one, I didn’t have a UK phone number so I put Tony’s on my CV. And, since Angela wasn’t there, I didn’t have the opportunity to tell her that it was Tony’s number. It seems unprofessional to have your parents number on your CV, is it not? But, anyway, when I get my new number I’m going to apply at the list of places Tony gave me. Luckily, everything in Howden closes by 3 anyways. I want to save up money so I can perm my hair nicely and also get my workout clothes and duffle bag for the gym. I also would like to get a Squarespace subscription so I can get myself a professional website to host my work. And buy a not-shitty printer.

I went to the park. It was nice, although I did get lost on the way. I also got lost when turning in my CV. It makes things harder that everyone drives like a psycho here. Literally insane. 

The lock on the door is still fucked up so Tony called locksmith so come fix it. In the meantime, I wanted to go to the gym so Paul drove me. I would have taken the bus, but much like in Fort Collins, they stop running really early. Also, they’re really expensive and all owned by private companies that don’t communicate with eachother. Thing is, I didn’t realize I’d have to get an induction as I’d never heard of that before. We call them orientations in America, but I’d never heard of that either. In fact, it seems I’m the only one whose never heard of that because everyone else knew what was going on. Anyway, I’ve set it up for 10:00am Saturday.

The gym is near these flats which are apparently very dangerous according to Tony and Paul. They say they’ve had the most bodies they’re from drugs and people jumpin’ out of windows. I forgot that Paul was also in the medical field.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Dear god, I’m starting to take after my Grandma Moses!

Not in most ways, I have to say. Grandma was unique to the extent I have a very difficult time trying to describe her to people. But it’s in her talking.

Grandma talked to people. I mean, talked to everyone. Pop even called her “Babbles” for her chattering away to people. To her the concept of stranger didn’t exist. She talked to everyone the same, and at every opportunity.

This wasn’t exactly a fun trait. I can still remember the utter humiliation I felt as a tot when I ran up to Grandma where she had been waiting for us on a bench in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum, and I discovered her in a conversation with a nice lady from Wales about the fact I wet the bed. OMG! But to her the idea there were things you didn’t share with strangers didn’t even compute. It wasn’t like she decided to tell folks about our secrets, it was the very concept of secrets didn’t register.

I was never like that. Oh, I have her problem if complete, default, honesty. I simply avoided being asked or evaded by the partial or cleverly worded answer to keep from revealing secrets. In a way I was all secrets. I was to shy to speak. No, not shy, crushingly terrified by the emotional cruelty of humans I had faced. I was traumatized by people, such that while I was fine at home, was completely withdrawn the second anyone outside my family was in earshot. Social anxiety doesn’t begin to cover it.

Needless to say, the very thought of even speaking to strangers was beyond me. I couldn’t order in a restaurant or go to the register in a store. I literally arrived first to school every day so I wouldn’t have to walk into the classroom with people watching me. No raised hands, no asking questions, no eye contact if I could help it, and conversations with strangers EVER.

So how did I get here? Ever since I have lived on my own it’s like I’ve gone nuts. I only go shopping about every two weeks, but when I do I talk to anyone that gives me the slightest opening.

My conversations on today’s shopping trip: The widow from the Philippines whose dog died of cancer. The woman with the brain injury who has has retired down here just yesterday with her New Hampshire born husband. The woman from New York visiting her her elderly mother and trying to convince her she can no longer care for her huge dog. The woman stocking shelves who had to have her house torn down to move in a trailer, but has made a point that her land is not tangled up in it all in case the trailer gets repossessed so she doesn’t lose everything. The guy working four jobs and barely getting a couple hours of sleep a night.

And then I yammer on, unfiltered and endlessly, with no clue how to stop! I am aware I am talking too much. I know they must want to move one. They can’t possibly care. I should stop this now….

And I talk on.

Geez, isolation must have gotten to me for such an extreme switch.

Call me Babbles the Next Generation!

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

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[unknownwriting]

hello hello my love (◠‿◕) I ADORE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH... LIKE ADORE ADORE AND WHEN I FOUND YOU WRITE FOR OP CHARACTERS 😔😔

wondering if i can request a ace x fem reader (fluff and crack) where they dance, hug, and bake in thatchs kitchen at 3 a.m like this scenario

ѕummαrч - Requested ^^

wαrníngѕ - ⚠️major warning!! You might die from all the fluff!!!⚠️ (lmaoo and unedited 🤧)

chαrαctєrѕ - Portgas D. Ace

umm thíѕ íѕ thє cutєѕt shit I have ever seen!! And then with Ace!!!! Omfg this is literally amazing!! Ughh I’m so in love!! Also sorry about the long wait, prom was yesterday and I was spending most my time getting ready and catching up on school work so I can enjoy the weekend.

- It’s common for you too be on night watch for the crew. You don’t mind it actually. There is just something about walking around the ship at the dead of night, just listening to the waves and watching the stars.

- it’s a nice break from the loud and chaotic crew you live with. Plus being a rare girl on a mostly boy crew, you needed the space. However there is one that just seems to never leave you. Portgas D. Ace. A loud mouth, immature, idiot.

- he follows you around everywhere. He just loves to be with you. No matter what y’all do, sleeping, talking, eating, bathing, and especially fighting. Ace is just so in love with you. You complete him, make him feel so happy and loved.

- but even you sometimes need a break. So of course, this another reason you liked night watch a lot too. With how energetic Ace is, he needs his sleep as much as anyone. So you get a tiny little break from him. However, there are some nights we’re having his company isn’t too bad

- tonight was one of those nights

It’s was quiet all across the ship, only the sound of the waves accompanying you. And the occasional crashing in the kitchen. You didn’t pay much mind to, Thatch is d too strict with the kitchen so there are a lot of midnight snackers. So it’s easy to pass it off as that, however when you began to hear even more knocking and even the occasional cruse from the midnight snackers, it was easy to figure out who it was.

Muttering to yourself, you lift yourself up from the deck and began to make your way to the kitchen, still wrapped in your blanket. Even with barely any light you still were able to find your way to the kitchen. The layout of the ship might as well be on the back of your hand ay this point.

Soon enough you made it too the kitchen, and sure enough, there was Ace standing at the counter, trying to make a sandwich? Maybe? Whatever it was, it looked like a really sad attempt at a sandwich.

“Are you trying to make a sandwich or are you…?” You trailed off as you stood at the door trying to twist Ace’s mess into a sandwich. He jumped a few feet in the air before he turned to face you, making you chuckle. Ace is one of the few people who isn’t allowed to be in the kitchen without Thatch in there with him. After seeing you, though, Ace let out a huge sigh of relief.

“Well it was when I started, but I think I got a little carried away.” You could still hear the drowsiness on his voice as he talked. Clearly he was still half asleep. Its amazing how much this man can eat, no matter the day, “Good thing its you though. If it was Thatch I would be dead by now. I don’t know why I can’t have midnight snacks.”

You chuckled again as you entered the kitchen and walked up to the taller man. Taking another glance as the sandwich, although it looks a little weird, it doesn’t look bad and its looks good enough to make you a little hangry again too. Sighing, you look up at the candle lit man and tossed her blanket to the side, “You got double luckily tonight too. I’m getting a little hungry too.” 

“Really?” Ace gasped, as his eyes begin light up, “Does that mean you’ll help me find something?”

“Yeah I guess so.” You smiled as you made you way to the pantry, with Ace following close behind. Just as you said either, Ace loves to do almost anything and everything with you, so you joining him in the kitchen makes him so happy. You’re not the best at cooking things but you know how to make a few things here and there. Waffles is a good choice. Something simple and quick to make. 

And just as you reached up to grab it, Ace snatched it from you, “Waffles? This late?” Ace teased.

“Well do you have a better idea? I’m hungry and want something sweet.” You rolled your eyes at him, grabbing the bag from him. To make a small mess you were gonna mix the batter then let Ace cook the waffles. Easy trade off.

“Hmm, Waffles can be good, I guess.”

“Well I get your not gonna get anything.”

“Ack! Waffles are amazing. Such a great choice.”

You scoffed as you began to gather all the eggs, water, and utensils you needed. Ace took a seat on the counter and watched you. It’s often that y’all spend time together in silence, it’s a very nice, comforting silence. Plus Ace just loves to watch you, it makes him happy knowing that he was lucky enough to fall in love with you. Watching you move around the kitchen, the way you worked, the way your hair moved, the way you would smile to yourself (which Ace would always complain about being creepy). Just existing makes Ace feel so happy.

It didn’t take long to finish mixing the batter and as soon as you did, you began to portion it out to make even waffles. Once that was go finished, you turn on your heel to tell Ace it was his turn, but instead caught his eyes staring at you quite intensely. Before you could even say anything, Ace held out his hand for you to grab. Without questioning it you grabbed it and was quickly pulled into his chest while his hands wrapped around your waist.

“Hmm?” You hummed, wanting to know what was up. All Ace did in return was kiss your cheek as he pulled you even closer to him.

“I miss you. You always spend most of your time on night watch. I barely get to sleep with you any more.” Ace muttered into your cheek as he slowly began to sway. You followed him, almost falling to trance.

“Ace I still need a break. I love you. But if I’m being honest your personality is a little too strong sometimes.” You answered, wrapping your arms around his neck. It’s stretched your body a bit but it was nice to hold him like this. It’s true, even you are missing him a little bit but you always see him the next day. You still miss cuddling with the man though. Ace didn’t say anything back, he just hummed. He probably knows how strong his personality can get. Y’all both stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other company and you even forgot about the waffles for a moment, until you caught it from the side of your eye, “Oh Ace, the mix. We still have to cook the waffles.”

“I’m not even that hungry anymore.”

“Yeah right, in the next 10 minutes you gonna be complaining about how hungry you are.” You laughed as you tried to shift your way out of Ace’s grip, but he was moving at all. You knew better that Ace wasn’t gonna let go, so instead you just shifted in his grip. So now Ace is glued to you back while you cook the waffles. It wasn’t how you wanted the cooking to go but it’s not bad. At least you weren’t cold. With Ace pressed against you, you felt warm and secure in his arms.

Although it didn’t take long for you to get annoyed with him. You could hardly do anything with Ace on you and the only thing you go out of it was Ace feeding you. At least he fed himself too.

It would be a lie to say that you didn’t enjoy your time with him though. It’s true that you find Ace snacking a lot at night but it’s rare to have moments like these with him. Just the 2 of y’all, enjoy each others company, and spending each moment attached to the hip. For how loud, chaotic, and childish this man can be, he does a good job with showering you in love. Which only makes you fall for him even more.

[aliasimagines]

It Was You All Along // Dave Lizewski

requested by a lovely anon 💕

Can u write dave x fem!reader where reader Always had a crush on him but he kinda ignored reader bc of Katie but then someone popular asks reader out and he gets jealous and y/n dresses up super hot and he realizes he fucked up

word count: 1809

a/n: i hope this is close enough! ❤️ (i couldn't think of a different title but this one reminds me of Agatha All Along xd)

"Hey, Dave! My folks are gone for the weekend and I thought we could have an X-men watch party. Wanna come?" 

"Sorry I can't, I'm hanging out with Katie." 

"Again?" you ask a bit louder than intended,causing a few people to look at you in the hallway. You continue with a lower voice "Aren't you like, tired of all the lying? Like, what if she finds out that you're not actually gay, hm? Cause you know she will, eventually." 

"Why do you care so much?!" Dave says, clearly frustrated. 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"Oh why would I? Maybe because we have been best friends since diapers, you stupid asshole!" you say not caring if some students hear you or not, anymore. "But you know what, you are right. I shouldn't care. Go play pretend with Katie but don't come to me, crying when you end up getting your heart broken." 

"Don't worry, I won't." he snaps back. And you turn around and leave but not before flipping him off. You felt the angry tears rolling down your cheeks as you zigzagged between the chattering teenagers. 

You couldn’t  believe how Dave could be so blind! He only had eyes for Miss Perfect. Whom by the way, is a real bitch and would go back to ignoring Dave or calling him a freak if it wasn’t for his little gay act. 

Somehow you made your way over to the restroom and locked yourself into one of the booths.

Dave couldn’t even see you as a potential “love-interest”. Eventhough you were the one who always were there for him, you were always there when he called, running to him like a lost puppy. And he couldn’t even care less. And you hate him for it. But you hate yourself more for still liking him. 

It’s not like you can do something about it, if you could, you would have. But that’s not how it works, so you are just crying your guts out on the toilet trying not to think about Dave.

In all honesty, you have no idea how you made it through the day. You almost cried during biology but you caught yourself after a few lonely tears. You could feel Dave’s gaze on you but there was no way you would look at him. As soon as the last bell rang you were out of school, hurring past Tod and Marty, not being in the mood for them either.

The next day wasn’t any different, you didn’t hang with Dave, Tod and Marty like you normally do. You didn’t sit with them at lunch, instead walked over to the only empty table you saw and placed your tray there. You mounched on your food, completely unaware of your surroundings until you hear the chair next to you being pulled out. You look up to see Matthew Greendale, resident hottie of the school sit next to you. 

"Hey, sorry, it's not a problem if I sit here, right?" he asks. You eyed him suspiciously. 

"No, it's fine." 

It's fine?! You mentally scold yourself. You never even spoke to this guy, outside of literature in first year. Why would he sit next to you? 

"I didn't want to sit with all the other "popular jocks" he answered you unspoken question while taking a bite of his canteen-hamburger. “They’re fun and everything but it’s nice to get away from them sometimes.”

You think of your friends who are sitting a few tables away and you can’t help but agree with Matthew.

“Yeah, I feel you.” you say without thinking.

“Hey..We used to sit next to each other in freshman year, didn’t we? It’s y/n ,right?” 

You nod with a smile, honestly being surprised that he remembers you.

“Yeah!”

“I haven’t really seen you around a lot. But when I do you are always hanging with those comic book nerds.”

“Hey! Comics are great.”

He puts his hands up in a defense.

“Oh no! I didn’t mean it as an insult. Some comics are good, my little brother made read one last month. It was actually great.”

“What comic was it?”

“Oh, uhm..It was about some kind of blind dude in a devil costume.”

“Daredevil?” you ask with a giggle.

“Yes, that one!” he laughs too.

The two of you continue talking until the end of lunch break. He is surprisingly fun to talk to and he even offers to walk you to your next class after lunch. You had such a good time you didn’t even think about Dave, heck, you didn’t even notice him literally glaring daggers into Matthew.

“What’s up with you, dude?” Tod asks snapping Dave out of it. 

“Yeah, Dave. What the shit is going on with you and Y/N?” Marty asks too.

Dave forrows is eyebrows. Yes, what the shit is going on with the two of you? Every since yesterday's 'fight' with you he can't stop thinking. About how he spends most, if not all of his time either with being Kick-Ass or, rather with Katie. It used to be different. He spent every second with you and he just threw you away so he could maybe get laid. And sure, Katie may be hot as fuck but she is.. Well, she is not you. 

"We had a fight, yesterday. I.. And she was right." he explains with a grimace. "But why the fuck is that Greendale asshole is with her?" 

"You jealous or something, dude?" 

"Wha- Of course I am not jealous! Why would I be? You guys are nuts." 

Jealous… The word rolled around in his mouth like a new flavored milkshake he never tasted before. 

Could he be… Jealous? He never thought of you that way, you were always his best friend. Just that. But.. The more he thinks about it the more he can't stop that twist like feeling in his stomach. 

That night he can't focus on crime fighting. All his thoughts are tied to you. Whether he likes it or not, memories of you keep popping up in his mind. How didn't he notice your beautiful smile before? And your laugh? It's like a beautiful melody. And… Gosh! When did he become such a sappy teenager? Oh and another thing.. He kept trying to think of something else, anything else like Katie for example but he doesn't care anymore! 

Dave goes home early with a frustrated growl. The remaining hours of the night he spends with tossing and turning and daydreaming instead of sleeping. 

(the next afternoon, Atomic Comics) 

Dave bangs his head against the wood table once again. A tired groan leaves his lips when he hears Tod almost choking on his iced coffee. 

"What the tunk, Tod?" Marty and Dave ask almost at the same time. The dirty blonde haired boy keeps pointing outside the huge window that they are sitting next to at Atomic Comics. 

"Is that fucking y/n?!" 

Now all three of them look outside the shop and see you, all dressed up nad seemingly waiting for someone. 

"Holy fuck!" Dave whispers. He stares at you, with his mouth a gap before jumping up from the booth they were sitting at and rushing outside the store. 

"Y/n! Y/-" he yells almost tripping on thin air. 

"Dave?" you question, quickly turning towards him. Damn, you missed him. No! Yeah, you did… "What do you want?" 

"What do I- What, can't I talk to you?" 

"If you wanted to talk you would have in these past days!" you say. Yes, you might have missed him, but it's not like you're gonna show it. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am waiting for my date to show up." 

"Your.. Your what, now?!" 

"My date" 

"You can't go on a date!" 

"And why is that, Lizewski?" 

"Lizewski? Really, you're calling me by my surname? Are we in such a bad place right now?" 

"I don't know, you tell me. Are you going to tell me what i can and can't do, hm?" 

"I didn't mean it like that. I just…" 

"What, it's fine when you say it but when I do it with you about Katie I'm the bad friend?" 

"No,it's just-" 

"Sorry. Matt's here." you point to the street across the road where you saw the boy walk towards you. "I gotta go." 

You start walking away but Dave grabs your wrist. 

"Please, don't." he mumbles. 

"Why not?" you snap at him but your expressions soften upon your eyes land on his saddened face. 

"I- because I don't want you with him. O-or anyone." 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"What?" 

He took a deep breath before looking around. Matt was waiting patiently by the traffic light so he could cross the road. Dave quickly began explaining. 

"You were right. About Katie. I was such a dickhead, I am so sorry, y/n. I am sorry for ignoring you over her and and.." from the corner of his eye he sees the traffic light turn green. "Shit! I don't want you to go out with Greendale cause I.. Because I like you. Like really fucking like you. And oh my god you look so fucking hot in this outfit, not that you're not always hot but holy shit. I know we are just friends and you don't think of me that way but I ju-"

"Oh my god! Do you ever shut up?" you yell before pressing your lips to his. Dave stumbled back a little, but quickly recovered and kissed back. Your hands cupped his face and his hands grabbed your waist in response. You both tilled your heads, deepening the kiss earning loud knocking from Marty and Tod as they watched the whole scene through the window. Not that you noticed any of it. You didn't hear the passing by car honk at you nor the yells or whistles. You also did not notice Matthew walking away with a sad smile after seeing the two of you. Your touches intertwine and you're pretty sure you heard Dave moan slightly which causes you to giggle into the kiss. You both pull away gasping for air. You look down at your shoes, hoping to hide your flushed cheeks. Dave scratches his back and looks around nervously only to see his two idiotic friends making kissy faces. He lifts his middle finger for them before clearing his throat. 

"So.. Khm.. I guess you like me too?" 

You let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I do." you say looking at him with a smile.

"That's.. Fuck. That's great." he replied genuinely happy. "Wanna get out of here?" 

You nod and you take off. You take Dave's hand and he intertwines your fingers with a smile. Maybe he is truly a superhero. He helps people and he gets the girl of his dreams. The happy ending. 

Dave Lizewski taglist : @sethcohenluvr @your-hispanichufflepuff

[fuck-customers]

3-27-22 💀 long long rant. Absolutely enraged

I’ve sent stuff in before, this is the first time I’m specifying where I work (my posts were about how understaffed we are or it’s me losing my shit over customers ripping apart every section in the store)

I work at a plus size womens store that rhymes with Horrid. It is anyones guess as to whether it will be overwhelmingly busy or mostly dead. We’re very understaffed. The store is not very big but by god it won’t stop people from filling every area in there.

Yesterday was the Saturday before all the schools let out for spring break. That means every (plus size) woman within a 50 mile radius who needed vacation clothes or swimwear (which we don’t have in yet because fuck shipment and also apparently we aren’t a priority store 🙃) decided to come in all at once. There was fucking THREE of us working from 2-8, which is when we close. We were killing ourselves trying to help every person who walked through that door. If you’ve ever wanted what the Horrid customer base is like, wonder no fucking longer. They are entitled, rude, lazy, selfish cunts who need you to do everything for them. Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of pleasant and kind customers but by god the most common type are the horrible ones. My coworkers and I could barely get in and out of the back room door without being stopped with a question every single time. Literally as my coworker was going back for her 30 min she was stopped with a question and I was immediately stopped on my way OUT of my 30 min. Everyone suddenly needed a bra fitting, and the people that do will go and sit in the fitting room and expect YOU to go get them the bras they need to try on. Every section in the store was chaos and a mess. There were clothes on the floor that had fallen off the hanger from how many people had rifled through them. Clearance was hell. Our go-back rack (for clothes people decide they don’t want from the fitting rooms) was so full we had to move the stack to our counter and then it was full AGAIN. We were constantly asked to pull down mannequins to figure out what size the clothes on it were EVEN THOUGH WE TELL EVERYONE THEY ARE USUALLY A SIZE 00 or 0 (our sizing system is weird ik) and they’d be like “well can u just check 🥺” NO!!!!! WE PUT THE CLOTHES ON OURSELVES AND THE MANNEQUINS ONLY FIT A CERTAIN SIZE. And of course we had people coming to pick up packages and one of them had a huge attitude with my coworker who was busy with another customer. When she was finally able to help the Package Customer, PC was like “I’ve been standing here WAITING to be helped”, my coworker apologized and asked her what the last name was for the package and she didn’t hear her the first time so she asked PC to spell it and she did, very rudely, and went “it’s EASY”. Fuck off. I don’t think we were ever able to leave those damned registers the entire time we were in there. Also for SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON half the people decided today was the day to pay with cash!!!!!!! People were handing me $100s left and right and for what purpose????? We were going back and forth between register drawers to make enough change for a while before we had enough in each drawer to not worry about change. We made over $11,000 for the day and had over $1000 in a deposit. Extremely rare for that to happen. My coworkers and I were on the edge of either screaming or crying the whole time and we agreed we would NOT do this again unless we had more people. For this to run smoothly we usually need at least 5. We ended up leaving most of the go-backs (that we had moved to a rack) for tomorrow (today) because it shouldn’t be as busy. The only cleaning we did was take out the main trash bag, sweep the floors and put back clothing we hadn’t hung on a rack yet.

Luckily during our last hour and a half though it just slowed to almost a full stop and we had some very nice and funny customers come thru that made it feel like the day wasn’t for nothing. Two ladies were in and they were sweet and hysterical and a mother and her two adult kids were in and were also really nice and funny and we were all laughing and having a nice conversation and then our very last customer was this lady with her kid. I’ll admit I judged early cuz she had a Karen cut but she ended up also being super sweet and understanding and her kid was great. He asked if he could help us sweep when he saw me Swiffering the floor😭 and he did a pretty good job!! He was like “there’s so much dust!! So much dirt from all the people” and I was like yeah and we do this every night too! And he was just like “😳every night?? Wow that’s a lot” Thank fuck for those people. They made the whole day a little more bearable. But god I fucking hate retail.

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 15: Yesterday's Adventure

High degree of discombobulation this week. Perhaps because it’s spring break? For people, unlike me, who are in school? Not sure. All I actually care about is cleaning/fixing my apartment but every time I have the opportunity to do that I’m just like, nah, I don’t want to anymore, I want to just imagine it, in this amazing alternate universe where I wake up from a nap or sleep and am suddenly Fixed. But in my defense, it is a big task to approach after a full day of work.

Yesterday, I hung out with B after work. He mentioned he was going to be in town at like 4:15, obviously, and I said I was out of work at 4:40, and he said he would be in at 5:30. I didn’t want to go home and meet him at my apartment because of just how messy the place is. It also turned out that it just made more sense for us to meet in town because he was coming over to drop off his son and the son’s new friend to walk around in the same area. Anyway, a part of me thinks I should have just stayed in the library and done some reading or whatever, but we were closing at 5, so…. I mean, I do work there and they cannot kick me out but I am just too much of a rule follower. So I decided to walk to where we’d meet and maybe do some notebook writing. I don’t have a good carry-around NB currently though, and it was cold. The sort of weather that’s fine to walk around in especially if it’s sunny, but unpleasant to just sit in, especially if it’s windy. Eventually, around the time he completely unsurprisingly told me that he would be late, I caved and went to the coffee shop and sat inside with a coffee. And then B suggested meeting at a different coffee shop. So I was like, okay, cool, and I ended up meeting him there not long before 6. The kitchens were closed but we got teas—I haven’t gotten tea from there in a long time so that was nice actually—and sat inside as the staff literally closed down around us. I felt pretty bad about that. Two of the baristas were very complimentary of my scarf though, which pleased me. I was really afraid it would be too much but it seems to be eye-catching in a positive way.

Anyway, I told him a bit about what’s up with me (not much), and he told me about teaching, the kids (that’s how I’m going to refer to them…the young people), his new dog, all the rats in his house, and his plans for the rest of the year/semester. I really only wanted to hear about that stuff. I don’t have anything interesting to say about myself. He always makes me feel like I’m very interesting, and I did say some stuff about stuff I’ve been reading and library goings on, but I’m just…I feel very whatever about that. It was nice, though. We ended up talking some more while the young people went into some additional stores, and then at about 7 or 7:30 I got back home.

This week only as two more days in it. I just… I don’t even know. I only have one thing I really care about doing tomorrow at work, and it will take 5 minutes, not even, but be very mentally difficult, and other than that I just don’t care lol.