#whenever im in the hospital i actually enjoy having an IV because it means i dont have to eat as much because the act is just

[actualbird]

beware cuz tw disordered eating, tw smoking addiction posting ahead but like.....

the thing about smoking vs eating is that. smoking is SO MUCH EASIER TO DO.

eating has so many steps. make food (AUGH), put food on plate, sit down and focus to eat food, food enters mouth, must chew, must swallow, must ignore constant low-level nausea to keep food down, repeat until food on the plate is gone. currently im so low-energy and fatigued that this whole process of eating is exhausting to me, and at the end of it i get a tummy ache anyway and risk vomiting all of it out, so theres always a risk of all that hard work (it is...objectively not hard work, i know, but right now in my Mental State it feels like climbing a mountain every time i have a meal) being all for naught.

meanwhile the steps for smoking are Marginally Much Less. it's: get cigarette, light cigarette, inhale, exhale, repeat until cigarette is done. and usually once im done, i wont feel hungry for another half hour because nicotine does that to me.

but it's short-term benefits vs long-term benefits because obviously after enough cigarettes-instead-of-eating, the effects of Not Having Eaten And Smoking Instead stack up to hit me with one hell of a whammy of acidity and Even More Nausea and like

i am Well Aware im trapping myself in a cycle of self-destruction every time i reach for a cig instead of sitting down and eating but smoking is just. easier. and it relaxes me instead of stressing me out, and eating sometimes does stress me out because of the amount of work and focus it involves

this is all horrible by the way, im not endorsing this behavior im just airing out my thoughts. in fact, i am a case study in all the things you should Not be doing to your body

but addiction is just a really crazy thing lmao. like what the fuck do you mean i prefer killing myself slowly rather than having a filling meal. thats crazy. no sane person would have those priorities in that order

and yet

[mogamifucker666]

 cabana au plot thing maybe. i can’t write so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

premise: Mogami is an assassin/hitman, working at a tropical resort for cover. his mom is sick. he works with SG guy (Sargent) as assassins but also at the same tropical resort place. Matsuo is a rich gold digger, killed his last husband but was judged innocent in the trial. now he’s looking for thrills, doesn’t desire more money, just trying to have a good time. which for him means.. causing choas.

(this post is so long and dumb and gay i am so sorry for anyone on tumblr mobile RIP)

(edit: it’s even longer now and i tried to fix the typos from before. i hate how invested i am in this AU and yet i cannot stop.)

Matsuo comes to this resort regularly and the staff are Wary and particular about the staff they (somewhat) sacrifice to Matsuo. but Matsuo has MAD CA$H so they assign him like.. a personal attendant of sorts.

Mogami was hired between the last visit and this one, has been working there a lil while (some months but less than a year), Sargent is part of the resort’s management and works to cover for Mogam to give him alibis while he’s off killing ppl Just In Case

Mogami probably has an alias that he uses for like everything and that’s “Kai” bc he works by the ocean lmao. 

I guess Mogami works around the pool and beach? waiter/bartender type thing. trained as a lifeguard so he does that too.

Anyhow he gets assigned to Matsuo, is aware that Matsuo’s was on trial for the murder of his husband but wasn’t convicted, but doesn’t really know what to expect. definitely not the chaotic twinky gremlin that Matsuo is in this AU.

Possible first interaction: Mogami is just trying to serve some drinks  and Matsuo intercepts him and he's like "can i help you.....uhm........?" (can't figure out Matsuo's gender) 

Matsuo, "that would be sir, thank you. but in a different context you can call me baby." Mogam is internally like o no-- Matsuo, not missing a beat, "and i can call you daddy." and Mogami is like. CRIngiNG he's like this is it, this is the curse brought on by killing people, the bad luck has finally caught up with me-- etc

Matsuo has a thing about paying ppl with Mogami’s job 4 sex/seducing them

Mogam is not about it

Matsuo won’t ease up

Anyway. things r tense and assassin stuff is more difficult bc of dealing with being Matsuo’s attendant. but there r days when Mogam isn’t working, where he has leave to “see his mom” which are often used for assassin stuff but. sometimes seeing mom. sometimes both.

Mogam still maintains his cool and indifference to Matsuo’s attempted advances

it’d be ridiculous if Matsuo very obviously fakes drowning. standing in shallow water (literally standing) and just flinging water around and looking like a fool, calling out “help me lifeguard! im Drowning! oh the humanity! i am struggling to breathe oh lifeguard please help me!” mostly bothering the other people around so Mogami feels compelled to usher him away but Mogami does Not lol and Matsuo just looks like a desperate fool.

maybe he actually pretends to drown

“i think i need cpr”

“i’ll just call an ambulance for you”

“come ON” as Mogami gets up and Leaves

Matsuo: >;;;;^(  Mogami: B^|

Matsuo prObably goes for some other poolboys in the meantime. partly for attention, partly because it’s what he does.

Matsuo insists that Mogami has a secret (and he does) but Mogam denies that he has any secret of interest to Matsuo

somehow Matsuo finds out about his mom tho and Mogam is like “ah yes. my dark secret. i am indeed secretly tender at heart and love my mother very much. u got me.” but like. no it’s that he’s killing people. But there is some bonding and more respect from Matsuo. some but not much.

the Advances continue tho Matsuo is like still like  “if u need money then sleep with me??”. Mogam is like. No.

also, at some point, Mogami to Matsuo “has anything bad happened to you at all in your life?” (bad things have happened but it’s been a While and Matsuo is hella detached from that)

Matsuo is legit like. lowkey a psychopath probably and breaks into Mogam’s (place of residence) (apartment proabably?) and Mogam gets back from a nearby “job” (shady bloody job) and Matsuo sees him (Matsuo wasn’t hiding lol) and Mogam Very Clearly bloody (under the shirt he was wear and since removed bc he’s home now) and is internally like “i’m not prepared to deal with this. this is over my head, the disappearance would go noticed, and would obviously connect to me... i’ll call Sargent. i probably have to kill him, such a hassle.. could be the end of things. what i thoughtless greedy awful--”

i drew it:

(evil gremlin pixie gets gay while dead-inside man contemplates the logistics of murder and disposing the body)

he glances down and Matsuo is like... sparkly heart emojis looking at the blood on Mogami and. Mogam is CONFUSED hE’s like “What.. are you doing looking like that?????”

(the blood drawn on his face/hand doesn’t make sense now that ive thought about it but. i can’t be bothered now.)

(my fave Mogami reaction to Matsuo is “bitch what the fuck” honestly) 

Matsuo is rlly hot about the blood i but Mogam is just tired of this he’s like. resigned and kind of given up and legit just “I’m going to take a shower”

“can i come with u? ::::3c”

“you can do whatever you want” (figures Matsuo will follow him but doesn’t care if Matsuo leaves and tells the police he’s just tired rn)

Matsuo does follow him (he’s got his Eyes on the Prize)(the “prize” has gotten more and more interesting and enticing as time went by and now he is enthralled. Matsuo is chaotic and freaky and i love him. kinky(TM))

Mogam is trying to ignore Matsuo in the shower but eventually just Gives Up and like yeah wow sex huh

it is. a lot more good than Mogam anticipated and Matsuo is very :^)))))) after (satisfied and “i told u so” and still sneaky but also. more solidly attached now)(Mogam is endearingly passionate  and it’s hot i guess idk don’t look at me)

Matsuo is probably the only (alive) person besides Sargent who knows he’s killing people so like. that relieves tension and allows for more intimacy ok

(im gay don’t talk to me)

at some point after that Matsuo is like “you like killing people”

“no, it’s just a job”

except he does and something happening close to the time of the convo is like ‘wait yes i do enjoy it..’

At Some Point Matsuo gets a wound over his eye (so the scar matches canon lol), it’s somehow a result of hanging around Mogami

thanks @ Nick for this idea: maybe Matsuo gets kidnapped and Mogam has to go save him. Jokes on Mogami tho Matsuo knows how to use a gun and can handle i knife decently. basically Matsuo kills at least Some of his abductors, gets his face slashed, and escapes by the time Mogami arrives to save him.

probably a sobering experience for Matsuo like ‘o right actions have consequences that affect me. wow. strange.’

this isn’t a deterrent for him tho, he’s still having fun, but he’s gonna be less flippant and careless from then on.

idK eventually an agreement of commitment happens and like. Mogam quits and the resort and moved back with Matsuo to the US i guess and now he doesn’t have to worry about money for his mom’s care bc Matsuo is stacked.

so Matsuo has married twice and the latest one is dead but the other one (his first marriage) is to Toichiro.

Toichiro’s wife divorced him, he’s rich and is some important af person in a corporation idk, he and Matsuo r together for a while and then married briefly and then Matsuo divorces him and gets hella money (awful. cruel. rude boy. evil. i love it) 

(their relationship was like. probably kind of sad bc Toichiro is pretending he’s not torn up abt his ex-wife and maybe Matsuo like?? wasn’t just being a gold digger and actually cared about him, but was constantly eclipsed by the ex-wife n got tired of it and once they were married he was pretty soon like “Okay. That’s That. Bye.” dark. idk Matsuo is an energetic and wild person and Toichiro is cold and dead inside and Matsuo probably brought a lot of like.. joy to his life, and he took that for granted n Matsuo left. bye bish.)(lmao i h8 angst i’m sad now)

the current dynamic between him and Toichiro is like.. whenever they see each other they just drag the shit out of each other and r snide and that’s their point of camaraderie but Matsuo rlly doesn’t care abt him and always rubs Toichiro’s unsatisified life in his face.

but Matsuo is with Mogami now and they’re back in the US (some big city, probably Los Angeles or NYC.. or both. Matsuo has an unnecessary excess of wealth he can have a house on both coasts) but they end up talking with Toichiro and so Toichiro and Matsuo r doing their nasty banter thing and Toichiro starts talking dirty and about stuff he and Matsuo did and Matsuo is kind of pissed and internally like ‘wow in front of my boyfriend?? i know i have no class either but xcuse u bitch :^)’ but. also talks abt the stuff he’s been doing with Mogami. meanwhile Mogami is just there SEETHING quietly, tensely but politely smiling, thinking 'the nerve of this awful man with ugly eyebrows. abhorrent.' Matsuo is keeping an eye on him as the tension is rising and eventually.. 'wow my murder bf is about to fight my ex and while that's Hot that's not a good idea---' so he he cuts the conversation off like "well, i know who i've chosen--" wraps arm around Mogami's waist "--have a good life pining for your ex-wife" and like. leaves. bye.

or “have fun trying to fill the void left my your ex-wife for as long as you live”

Matsuo’s second marriage is probably to Ishiguro and purely for the money. but Ishiguro is gross and old and Matsuo was tired of waiting for him to die and took matters into his own hands. and ended up with a lot of money and no jail time.

idk what else. vague ideas kind of like. Mogam has a day of and Sargent goes to visit momgami in the hospital as a way to cover for Mogami going to do a hit. or doing a hit for Mogam so he can visit his mom. tru friends. 

the beginning aesthetic being like. tacky tropical beach and it changing into like. lavish but sleek spy-aesthetic by the end is funny to me. tropical pattern prints and speedos and petty drama and humar to dark clothes and a scar  and like. weirdly devoted and sexy dynamic. silly to serious. hilariously bad rom com to..  rich murder gays (NBC Hannibal stole my aesthetic)

im starting to fall asleep but ya this au was originally 100% shitpost and yet here. i am. thinking about it seriously.

[violenceeisgolden]

Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.

[charlottevictoria2014]

10 Tips for living through C**cer. Tip 1. When it comes to emotions there are no rules.

I have decide to let you know about my top tips for living through Caner... now I can only talk from my perspective, I was 23 almost 24 at Diagnosis and now I am 28.

Im not quoting anyone but myself and I am not relating to anyone’s thoughts and facts other than my own. 

I wanted to give you a summary of how i coped through out the treatment, when the treatment stopped and Life after pills. 

Please just remember this is my opinion... I cannot highlight that enough...

My. opinion. My. thoughts.  I am not a doctor.  Just a survivor. 

Tip 1. When it comes to Emotions, there are NO rules to follow. 

Diagnosis is the scariest thing in the world. 

They say those words.  For me, The L word.  The next few seconds seem to freeze, the world stops, the sound stops and you are stuck there thinking CANCER.... CANCER.. I have CANCER. 

Its terrifying. 

Now for me I went into planning mode.  I had to organise. I had to sort the Dog, the house, my stuff.  I suppose it was a controlled panic because I didn't know what else to do. 

I organised a message to send to my group of friends and called the few I knew I could face telling. 

Now here is the key bit. 

No one can tell you how you are supposed to act, how you are to feel and what you are to do next. 

People can advise you and tell you what they did, but you just have to go with the flow and get into your own stride with how you can cope with things.  

No one will tell you that you have to hide your feelings, and no one will tell you to not feel, but I know its tempting to almost feel obliged to be the brave one.

I had so many people that night I was diagnosed come to visit, I didn't get time to think. (which was a good thing!) But still, there in the middle of a packed room I remember hiding under the blankets and taking a deep breath to almost gather the fear back into a box. 

Then comes another whoosh of the ‘what the hell and i going to do’, where you find the balance between brave and strong and fear and worry.  

You don't want to shut people out, and let me tell you now - they may not understand what you are going through, but they want to be there, they do care.  If you freeze them out one day, start again the next day.  

You have to remember that you world stops, but the world outside of your hospital room doesn't.  Its ok to be mad about that but your loved ones just want to be there, and help, wherever and whenever they can.

Another thing that factors emotion is medicine, it can have a huge effect and you know what I did? 

I let it be. What can you do about something so out of your control.  Nothing! Steroids were awful, one minute I was up and the next down.  It physically cannot be helped.  The same as if insomnia hits, it did with me...Sometimes you can really hold it together and sometimes, a massive fail.

What I am trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself, talk when you want to talk and be brave when you feel you can be.  Don't freeze people out if you can help it, not the genuine ones anyway and let your emotions be what they need to be. 

It’s time to adjust, and to be honest you never truly get over whats happened to you and your body, you just learn to manage the feeling and emotions efficiently. 

Don't let anyone tell you any differently, not even me! and don't be ashamed to feel all the emotions under the sun. 

You are allowed. 

Lets fast forward a few years... Ive come off the Chemo, got the all clear, kind of moved mountains in respect of how things have changed and have a little one on the way. 

Caner has left its imprint and I still have to remind myself that actually its ok to be scared on occasion, its ok to be upset about whats happened and its also ok to be proud of myself and how far I have come.

There is no right or wrong way to handle your emotions. 

Advice you say? 

This isn't a rule, its just what I always told myself..good emotions and bad..

Cry when you are sad, and smile when you are happy 

but just promise that the times you are happy, you are really happy (whatever that may mean) and you truly see the world in the beautiful colours it is.  Cancer is an evil evil monster, it takes over your emotions your body and your life....

But it cannot take away the beauty in the world and your ability to enjoy it.  

There is always a reason to smile, even through the tears.

Believe me, I know.

xoxo

[minhyukie]

hello it’s ur Local Mess here to talk about herself and do a lot of tag games im sorry for being the worst these are literally from within the past like two months and you all probably don’t even remember tagging me or care about my answers but than k you to @ki-hyunie​ @haehoney​ @honeyvevo​ @94wons​ @ckyun​ for tagging me in these i’m putting them all together so that you can all have the ultimate compilation of useless information about me!! please enjoy!!

im not tagging anyone because i don’t want to subject anyone to this but if u too love talking about yourself please tag me because i love hearing people talk about themselves

Name - amy

Age - 20

Height - 5′3 (160 cm?)

Ult Bias - seohyun + minhyuk the two loves of my life :(

Nicknames - i don’t really get many nicknames?? my roommate calls me amu though

Zodiac sign - aries

Favorite fruit - mmm kiwi? raspberries? strawberries? mangos!!! i fucking love fruits i don’t know i love them all

Favorite season - probably summer!

Favorite color - pink!! pink pink pink!

Coffee, Tea or Hot Cocoa - hot chocolate!!!

Favorite animal(s) - GOATS (if ur reading this @ me in goats)

Dream trip - i’ve been there very very briefly but i’d love to live in germany for a little?? i guess that’s not a trip but idk i’d be happy going on a trip anywhere tbh :’)

Number of blankets you sleep with - one!

Dogs or cats - i love my cats!! even though i’ve recently discovered that i’m probably allergic fjdkslf

Side blog - this... used to be a sideblog until i became too involved with mx and snsd :// so i guess my old main is a sideblog? idk @morningcomes​ <<<

Follower count - a little over 700!!! i love u all thanks for putting up w me

When did you start this blog - this particular blog was the beginning of 2017! but ive been on tumblr since like 2010 i think ://

relationship status: it’s... um.... it’s complicated fdkslfjsd let’s just say im in a relationship even though im not sure if we’re actually dating or what we’re doing.... let’s just say that

favorite color: pink!!!!!!!!!!!!

lipstick or chapstick: chapstick

last song i listened to: i really like humble and dna by kendrick lamar so i’ve had those on repeat the last few days!

last movie i watched: ... moana?? god it’s really been a long time since i’ve watched a movie

top three tv shows: friends!!! fullmetal alchemist brotherhood if that counts? avatar the last airbender.. a forever favorite

top three characters: look im the worst at coming up w these things so i’ll just give my favorites from the above shows: rachel!! or monica or chandler i don’t know i love them all :( envy!! winry!!! zuko and toph!

top three ships: ok i just want to clarify like.. pairings and not ships but joohyuk!! hyohyun :’’) and.... wow how am i supposed to limit this to a third one i guess i’ll say kihyuk because im in love with them the past few days

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have had braces There is something i would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’ve been on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event (i honestly don’t know what this means but imma say yes) I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

(ok listen... lemme just reiterate... not sure if what im in is considered a relationship fdjkslfds)

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes!!! im so grateful

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? i honestly have no clue i say it all the time through messages but im like... emotionally stunted in real life lmao

3. do you regret anything? yea mostly just opportunities that i should’ve taken that i don’t because i don’t have the will to put in the effort ://

4. are you insecure? not usually!

5. what’s your relationship status? listen.... complicated....

6. how do you want to die? this is 2 morbid for me next please

7. what did you last eat? bugles!!! i love bugles

8. played any sports? i ran cross country in high school for 3 years and did track for one!!

9. do you bite your nails? nope

10. when was your last physical fight? ha h ah haha i don’t think i’ve ever been in a physical fight

11. do you like someone? yea!

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? yes... too many times

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? no, not really!

14. do you miss someone? yea i miss a few of my high school friends that i wish i got to see more often and i miss us all hanging out as a group

15. have any pets?
 my family has 4 cats!

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?
 A+!

17. ever made out in the bathroom? damn i was ready to say no but.... i actually have.... im shocked at myself

18. are you scared of spiders?
 in certain situations?? who am i kidding lfjdkslfd yes

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? nah

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? ummmmmm my bed

21. what are your plans for this weekend? sleep and study :(

22. do you want to have kids? how many? idk?? i’m not very passionate about it tbh i’d be happy with anywhere between 0-3 kids

23. do you have piercings? how many? both my ears are double pierced!

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? i fuckin love math!! i would die for math also im pretty good at chemistry physics and computer science idk most things math/science related :)

25. do you miss anyone from your past?
 mostly just the same as before?? miss some of my hs friends

26. what are you craving right now?
 ..sleep

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart?
 i don’t think so??

28. have you ever been cheated on?
 nope!

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
 yea :(

30. what’s irritating you right now? too much to do too little time

31. does somebody love you? ..yes? i hope

32. what is your favourite color? pink!!!!!!!

33. do you have trust issues? not really trust issues but like i said before i think im like.. emotionally stunted or smth

34. who/what was your last dream about? i hoenstly can’t remember any recent dreams

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? my ?boyfriend? lmao i cry all the time

36. do you give out second chances too easily? mmm idk? i’ve honestly never really thought about it

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? forget ://

38. is this year the best year of your life?
 noooo

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? 18!

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked? fdjskflds no

51. favourite food?
 yo this just jumped from 40 to 51 fjdklsfdjsk anyway um! chicken

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason? lmao no that’s some wishful thinking :(

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
 i did most of my computer science lab :/

54. is cheating ever okay?
 no

55. are you mean? sometimes i can be really bad about impulsively saying things and... yea it can be mean :( but like in general? i don’t think im a mean person

56. how many people have you fist fought? i would cry if someone tried to fight me

57. do you believe in true love?
 yea!

58. favourite weather? gimme that sunshine, no humidity with a breeze

59. do you like the snow? yea!! but not excessively

60. do you wanna get married? yeah? but also it’s not like one of my overlying life goals ya know but if it happens that would be nice

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? honestly whenever i hear people say baby in real life i cringe fjdsklfds idk i mean i say it in the tags on here but in real life... nah and i call some of my friends babe but i do it jokingly it just seems weird to do that like.. romantically

62. what makes you happy? getting time to myself!!! to do the things i want to do and relax! to spend time with my friends just relaxing as well! in particular getting to paint and getting to play piano make me really happy and relaxed

63. would you change your name? nope!

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
 nope!

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? ummm did u mean... my current situation jfkdlsfs

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yes mostly?? he definitely thinks im a lil weird when im like 100% myself but he still loves me anyway so :’)

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
 ^^^ said above best friend

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my high school best friend?? i think

69. do you believe in soulmates? not really it’s a nice idea though

70. is there anyone you would die for? probably a few of my closest friends

fdskfdlsfjdks hope none of u read all that!!! this deserves to be my about page tbh

[musicalevangeline-blog]

Blog Post #8

29My responses to the appendix interview and my mom’s answers

• If you think of a few recent purchases what were the main factors that influenced your purchase? Usually my purchases are out of necessity or spontaneity. It’s either something I need, or something I want in the spur of the moment. Usually price.

• What was your last music-related purchase? I bought a concert ticket to see one of my favorite singers with my best friend. I bought a Pink Floyd T-shirt that I found in the boys section at JCPenney’s and it was five dollars

• What were the main reasons/motivations behind the purchase? It’s a person I really love and admire and I haven’t been to an actual concert in years, so like why not? It was five dollars and it had Pink Floyd on it

• What kind of music do you like? I like a lot of music, I can even stand country music sometimes. Mostly, I like slow sad sounding music, or music that makes me feel something. Music I like.... I like pretty much everything except hard core rap and country music. Specifically I like rock n roll and hip hop dance music

• How do you consume music—i.e., how do you buy it/ when do you watch/listen to it/where do you watch/ listen to it? I usually listen to spotify whenever i’m using my laptop, or if im listening on my phone I listen to the music ive purchased through google play. In the car I listen to CDs or the radio. I mostly listen to it on the radio at home in the car or on my iPhone via Pandora or iTunes

• What are your opinions on the current music industry as a whole? I feel like there are a lot of people who don’t get the recognition they deserve, and some people who get recognition they don’t deserve. This can really be said for just about any industry though. What does that mean? (evie gives brief explaination) Well, I don’t know any of them personally...

• How much of an influence would your favorite musicians have on you as a person? I think a lot of my favorite artists have shaped who I am, and I draw a lot from the music I listen to in terms of i dont know, personality and the way I deal with things. None. Although when Chester benigton killed himself that really pissed me off because his music had a lot of influence on overcoming obstacles and then he offs himself. That was lame. But really they can take a stand for whatever and unless they are complete bigot assholes I’ll still listen to their music.

• How about on your purchases? I want to support these people, so yeah I’m going to buy their stuff if I can afford it, especially up and coming artists that I really want to see succeed. Also, maybe they influence my purchases on things like clothes and stuff.  No.

• Do you consider social responsibility and/or ethical considerations when making purchases of products/ services in the area of music? There are some artists that while I enjoy their music, I don’t agree with actions they take or how they feel about certain topics. I’m less likely to purchase anything related to an artist who’s actions I don’t agree with, and here I think I’m mostly talking about people like Chris Brown who literally is an abuser and takes what he wants whenever he wants it and is literally just an awful person. No.

• Can you think of ways that musicians/bands currently engage in socially responsible behavior? There’s a lot going on in the world, and a lot of issues that need representation and awareness in order to get anything done, and music and artists are a great way to send these messages. Even just being openly supportive of a cause, or donating money to a cause can really bring awareness. When they preach about politics during their concerts instead of singing or when they bring kids up on stage that really enjoy their music during concerts and cater to their fans that’s a good one.

• Do any recent examples of socially responsible behavior within the music industry come to mind? Taylor Swift and her suing the guy who sexually assaulted her for a dollar, not to get any money but to call to action this kind of thing that happens all the time and shouldn’t be normalized. She also donated a large sum to sexual assault survivors and historically has donated a lot to disaster relief funds and fans who need help financially. In 2015 she donated $50,000 to a fan who was diagnosed with Leukemia. It’s because of Swift that GoFundMe had to raise the amount a person is allowed to donate at a time. Hearing about some musicians donating lots of money to a specific causes.  My favorite is Jon Bon Jovi and how he has a restaurant that caters to the hungry and the homeless.

• Have you considered aspects of socially responsible behavior when you have attended live music events? Historically, not really. However the only concert i’ve been to in the last five years was to see the Wallflowers. In the past I’ve seen some bands live that now I don’t think I’d really want to see again. Not always, but at least sometimes you can tell a lot about an artist or band by their fans, and some of the music I used to listen to in lets say middle school, definitely have views a lot different from what I know now. No.

• Have you engaged in socially responsible behavior at live music events? No. Yes. (evie: care to elaborate?) Sitting down so people can see behind me saying please when walking through the crowd. Saying excuse me.

• How would you define a socially responsible musician? I think I remember reading an article about an artist who stopped a show after seeing a fan in the audience having a panic attack, and made sure to get this fan help before continuing (after some research, this artist was Harry Styles) and there have been other instances like this (Drake stops concert to call out groping, Linkin Park also stops show to help a fan, etc.). I think this is what it means to be socially responsible. There’s a lot that’s going on in a crowd at a show, and for an artist to call out a bad situation really shows that. A musician that shows social responsibility to me it is defined as a musician that preaches love and community and is involved and good fundraising for programs that help society, like Bon Jovi. I think he is a prime example of what a musician that shows social responsibility.

• Do you think it is important for them to act in a socially responsible way? Yes. It shows that a person cares about their fans, and not just the money they make off of them, and in this age if you’re neutral in situations of injustice, you’re on the side of the oppressor. Yes.

• Would you be more likely to buy an album/attend a concert of an artist that you perceive to be engaged in socially responsible behavior? Yes. Yes.

• Have you attended a live event due to the socially responsible aspect of the event? No. Yes but only because I was working (she’s a stage-hand).

• How would you compare the role that social responsibility plays in everyday consumption decisions to music consumption decisions? People look for brands that are socially responsible in a lot of their purchases. Whether a brand tests on animals, or companies that are tied to a charity. I know I tend to shop at target, one because I love target, and two because I know they have a partnership with St. Jude Children’s Hospital and having that knowledge makes me feel even better when shopping there. There are also stores and other places I refuse to shop at, such as Goodwill because of their inaction to help people, despite their claims otherwise. (Goodwill had a thing going where when purchasing goods you could round up to the nearest dollar, and the extra few cents would be donated to veterans. No money was ever donated and goodwill managers are frequently seen refusing to provide clothing to homeless people (including veterans) despite claiming they would clothe any homless person who came to the store.) For younger people I say that is a big factor but for my age not so much. (evie: I told her what I put for my answer) Yes, those are good examples. I definitely agree with that.

2.) Anyone can say anything to get attention, but it’s action and reaction that determine real intentions. Like I said earlier in my interview answers, Goodwill for example claims to be a place of donation, yet the Goodwill CEO makes $729,000 annually and their employees don’t make a living wage. An they aren’t the only company that makes promises like this and don’t follow through. I think it’s important for artists, while preaching a certain message, uphold the ideals that they are setting. And there are a lot of artists that do a lot of good. Thom Yorke for example, and Bon Jovi like my mom mentioned. Thom Yorke engages in eco-friendly events and lives eco-friendly so you know he’s not just doing these things for publicity. Unlike Thom Yorke and many others, there are many people who will preach the importance of donating to charity but run these multi-million dollar empires without contributing a dime to anything worthwhile that has the potential to change the world. This doesn’t just apply to musicians either, there are a lot of rich people in the spot light that don’t do anything or don’t do enough. The article states: “Music is a powerful vehicle through which tastes and values are understood, and social groups and subcultures are formed.” While I completely agree with. A lot of the music I listen to reflects what I believe and who I am, and where my values align. I find that people who share my same music interests tend to have a lot of the same views as I do, not always but a significant amount of time. A lot of music I listened to when I was younger, I didn’t really understand, and I see that some of the people that listen to that kind of music now are people I tend to not want to associate with, as I don’t want to associate with that music anymore either.

I think the video by Lin Manuel Miranda where he wrote a song and had a bunch of other Latin American artists come together to raise money was a great example of an artist being authentic in promoting something. This project was close to him, as someone who’s parents immigrated from Puerto Rico, and this wasn’t the only action he took in support of the relief fund for Puerto Rico. He promoted this charity on talk shows, visited Puerto Rico, brought Hamilton to Puerto Rico and provided a way to allow impoverished people to see his show, and has donated around 2.5 million towards this cause and other causes through his words and his work. Not only this, but he continues to raise money for other causes, such as March for our Lives (Starting with his collaborative song with Ben Platt). Since LMM’s rise to fame, he has never stopped giving back to the community and working for equality across every issue.

I currently don’t have an example of the opposite, where an artist doesn’t meet up to their claims, but will try to think of one before class.

[viralhottopics]

The 16 Most Beautifully Touching Love Letters From Famous Writers And Artists

1. Allen Ginsburg to poet Peter Orlovsky:

Dear Petey:

O Heart O Love everything is suddenly turned to gold! Dont be afraid dont worry the most astounding beautiful thing has happened here! I dont know where to begin but the most important. When Bill [ed: William S. Burroughs] came I, we, thought it was the same old Bill mad, but something had happened to Bill in the meantime since we last saw him…but last night finally Bill and I sat down facing each other across the kitchen table and looked eye to eye and talked, and I confessed all my doubt and misery and in front of my eyes he turned into an Angel!

What happened to him in Tangiers this last few months? It seems he stopped writing and sat on his bed all afternoons thinking and meditating alone & stopped drinking and finally dawned on his consciousness, slowly and repeatedly, every day, for several months awareness of a benevolent sentient (feeling) center to the whole Creation he had apparently, in his own way, what I have been so hung up in myself and you, a vision of big peaceful Lovebrain…

I woke up this morning with great bliss of freedom & joy in my heart, Bills saved, Im saved, youre saved, were all saved, everything has been all rapturous ever since I only feel sad that perhaps you left as worried when we waved goodby and kissed so awkwardly I wish I could have that over to say goodby to you happier & without the worries and doubts I had that dusty dusk when you left Bill is changed nature, I even feel much changed, great clouds rolled away, as I feel when you and I were in rapport, well, our rapport has remained in me, with me, rather than losing it, Im feeling to everyone, something of the same as between us.

2. Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera:

Diego:

Truth is, so great, that I wouldnt like to speak, or sleep, or listen, or love. To feel myself trapped, with no fear of blood, outside time and magic, within your own fear, and your great anguish, and within the very beating of your heart. All this madness, if I asked it of you, I know, in your silence, there would be only confusion. I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. Id like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.

F.

3. Oscar Wilde to Lord Alred Bosie Douglas (Wilde’s eventual muse):

My Own Boy,

Your sonnet is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red rose-leaf lips of yours should be made no less for the madness of music and song than for the madness of kissing. Your slim gilt soul walks between passion and poetry. I know Hyacinthus, whom Apollo loved so madly, was you in Greek days.

Why are you alone in London, and when do you go to Salisbury? Do go there to cool your hands in the grey twilight of Gothic things, and come here whenever you like. It is a lovely place and lacks only you; but go to Salisbury first.

Always, with undying love, yours, Oscar

4. Eleanor Roosevelt to Lorena Hickok (Eleanor’s long-speculated lover):

Hick, darling

Ah, how good it was to hear your voice. It was so inadequate to try and tell you what it meant. Funny was that I couldnt say je taime and je tadore as I longed to do, but always remember that I am saying it, that I go to sleep thinking of you.

5. Emma Darwin to Charles Darwin:

I cannot tell you the compassion I have felt for all your sufferings for these weeks past that you have had so many drawbacks. Nor the gratitude I have felt for the cheerful & affectionate looks you have given me when I know you have been miserably uncomfortable.

My heart has often been too full to speak or take any notice I am sure you know I love you well enough to believe that I mind your sufferings nearly as much as I should my own & I find the only relief to my own mind is to take it as from Gods hand, & to try to believe that all suffering & illness is meant to help us to exalt our minds & to look forward with hope to a future state. When I see your patience, deep compassion for others self command & above all gratitude for the smallest thing done to help you I cannot help longing that these precious feelings should be offered to Heaven for the sake of your daily happiness. But I find it difficult enough in my own case. I often think of the words Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee. It is feeling & not reasoning that drives one to prayer. I feel presumptuous in writing thus to you.

I feel in my inmost heart your admirable qualities & feelings & all I would hope is that you might direct them upwards, as well as to one who values them above every thing in the world. I shall keep this by me till I feel cheerful & comfortable again about you but it has passed through my mind often lately so I thought I would write it partly to relieve my own mind.

6. English poet Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf:

…I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your undumb letters, would never write so elementary a phrase as that; perhaps you wouldnt even feel it. And yet I believe youll be sensible of a little gap. But youd clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it should lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shant make you love me any more by giving myself away like this But oh my dear, I cant be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I dont love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defenses. And I dont really resent it.

7. E.B. White to his wife on the occasion of her pregnancy, “written” by their dog:

Dear Mrs. White:

I like having Josephine here in the morning, although I suppose I will get less actual thinking done as I used to do my thinking mornings in the bathroom. White has been stewing around for two days now, a little bit worried because he is not sure that he has made you realize how glad he is that there is to be what the column writer in the Mirror calls a blessed event. So I am taking this opportunity, Mrs. White, to help him out to the extent of writing you a brief note which I havent done in quite a long time but have been a little sick myself as you know. Well, the truth is White is beside himself and would have said more about it but is holding himself back, not wanting to appear ludicrous to a veteran mother. What he feels, he told me, is a strange queer tight little twitchy feeling around the inside of his throat whenever he thinks that something is happening which will require so much love and all on account of you being so wonderful. (I am not making myself clear I am afraid, but on the occasions when White has spoken privately with me about this he was in no condition to make himself clear either and I am just doing the best I can in my own way.) I know White so well that I always know what is the matter with him, and it always comes to the same thing he gets thinking that nothing that he writes or says ever quite expresses his feeling, and he worries about his inarticulateness just the same as he does about his bowels, except it is worse, and it makes him either mad, or sick, or with a prickly sensation in the head. But my, my, my, last Sunday he was so full of this matter which he couldnt talk about, and he was what Josephine in her simple way would call hoppy, and particularly so because it seemed so good that everything was starting at once I mean those things, whatever they are, that are making such a noise over in the pond by Palmer Lewiss house, and the song sparrow that even I could hear from my confinement in the house, and those little seeds that you were sprinkling up where the cut glass and bones used to be all starting at the same time as the baby, which he seems to think exists already by the way he stands around staring at you and muttering little prayers. Of course he is also very worried for fear you will get the idea that he is regarding you merely as a future mother and not as a present person, or that he wants a child merely as a vindication of his vanity. I doubt if those things are true; White enjoys animal husbandry of all kinds including his own; and as for his regard for you, he has told me that, quite apart from this fertility, he admires you in all kinds of situations or dilemmas, some of which he says have been quite dirty.

Well, Mrs. White, I expect I am tiring you with this long letter, but as you often say yourself, a husband and wife should tell each other about the things that are on their mind, otherwise you get nowhere, and White didnt seem to be able to tell you about his happiness, so thought I would attempt to put in a word.

White is getting me a new blanket, as the cushion in the bathroom is soiled.

Lovingly, Daisy

8. Charles Eames’ marriage proposal to Ray Eames:

Dear Miss Kaiser,

I am 34 (almost) years old, singel (again) and broke. I love you very much and would like to marry you very very soon.* I cannot promise to support us very well. but if given the chance I will shure in hell try

*soon means very soon.

What is the size of this finger??

as soon as I get to that hospital I will write reams well little ones.

love xxxxxxxxxx

Charlie

9. Jean-Paul Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir:

My dear little girl

For a long time Ive been wanting to write to you in the evening after one of those outings with friends that I will soon be describing in A Defeat, the kind when the world is ours. I wanted to bring you my conquerors joy and lay it at your feet, as they did in the Age of the Sun King. And then, tired out by all the shouting, I always simply went to bed. Today Im doing it to feel the pleasure you dont yet know, of turning abruptly from friendship to love, from strength to tenderness. Tonight I love you in a way that you have not known in me: I am neither worn down by travels nor wrapped up in the desire for your presence. I am mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself. This happens much more often than I admit to you, but seldom when Im writing to you. Try to understand me: I love you while paying attention to external things. At Toulouse I simply loved you. Tonight I love you on a spring evening. I love you with the window open. You are mine, and things are mine, and my love alters the things around me and the things around me alter my love.

My dear little girl, as Ive told you, what youre lacking is friendship. But now is the time for more practical advice. Couldnt you find a woman friend? How can Toulouse fail to contain one intelligent young woman worthy of you*? But you wouldnt have to love her. Alas, youre always ready to give your love, its the easiest thing to get from you. Im not talking about your love for me, which is well beyond that, but you are lavish with little secondary loves, like that night in Thiviers when you loved that peasant walking downhill in the dark, whistling away, who turned out to be me. Get to know the feeling, free of tenderness, that comes from being two. Its hard, because all friendship, even between two red-blooded men, has its moments of love. I have only to console my grieving friend to love him; its a feeling easily weakened and distorted. But youre capable of it, and you must experience it. And so, despite your fleeting misanthropy, have you imagined what a lovely adventure it would be to search Toulouse for a woman who would be worthy of you and whom you wouldnt be in love with? Dont bother with the physical side or the social situation. And search honestly. And if you find nothing, turn Henri Pons, whom you scarcely love anymore, into a friend.

[]

I love you with all my heart and soul.

10. Honor de Balzac to Countess Ewelina Haska (June, 1835):

MY BELOVED ANGEL,

I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad: I cannot bring together two ideas that you do not interpose yourself between them. I can no longer think of nothing but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me. As for my heart, there you will always be very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifies me. I rise up every moment say to myself, Come, I am going there! Then I sit down again, moved by the sense of my obligations. There is a frightful conflict. This is not a life. I have never before been like that. You have devoured everything. I feel foolish and happy as soon as I let myself think of you. I whirl round in a delicious dream in which in one instant I live a thousand years. What a horrible situation! Overcome with love, feeling love in every pore, living only for love, and seeing oneself consumed by griefs, and caught in a thousand spiders threads. O, my darling Eva, you did not know it. I picked up your card. It is there before me, and I talked to you as if you were here. I see you, as I did yesterday, beautiful, astonishingly beautiful. Yesterday, during the whole evening, I said to myself She is mine! Ah! The angels are not as happy in Paradise as I was yesterday!

11. Napoleon Bonaparte to Josphine de Beauharnais:

I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied up in a scarf a la creole. You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it. To live within Josephine is to live in the Elysian fields. Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breast, everywhere, everywhere.

12. John Keats to Fanny Brawne:

My sweet love, I shall wait patiently till tomorrow before I see you, and in the mean time, if there is any need of such a thing, assure you by your Beauty, that whenever I have at any time written on a certain unpleasant subject, it has been with your welfare impressd upon my mind. How hurt I should have been had you ever acceded to what is, notwithstanding, very reasonable! How much the more do I love you from the general result! In my present state of Health I feel too much separated from you and could almost speak to you in the words of Lorenzos Ghost to Isabella

Your Beauty grows upon me and I feel A greater love through all my essence steal.

My greatest torment since I have known you has been the fear of you being a little inclined to the Cressid; but that suspicion I dismiss utterly and remain happy in the surety of your Love, which I assure you is as much a wonder to me as a delight. Send me the words Good night to put under my pillow.

Dearest Fanny, Your affectionate J.K.

13. Lord Byron to Teresa Guiccioli (August, 1819):

My dearest Teresa,

I have read this book in your garden;–my love, you were absent, or else I could not have read it. It is a favourite book of yours, and the writer was a friend of mine. You will not understand these English words, and others will not understand them,–which is the reason I have not scrawled them in Italian. But you will recognize the handwriting of him who passionately loved you, and you will divine that, over a book which was yours, he could only think of love.

In that word, beautiful in all languages, but most so in yours–Amor mio–is comprised my existence here and hereafter. I feel I exist here, and I feel I shall exist hereafter,–to what purpose you will decide; my destiny rests with you, and you are a woman, eighteen years of age, and two out of a convent. I love you, and you love me,–at least, you say so, and act as if you did so, which last is a great consolation in all events.

But I more than love you, and cannot cease to love you. Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us, –but they never will, unless you wish it.

14. Voltaire to Olympe Dunover, written while in prison for their affair:

I am a prisoner here in the name of the King; they can take my life, but not the love that I feel for you. Yes, my adorable mistress, to-night I shall see you, and if I had to put my head on the block to do it.

For heaven’s sake, do not speak to me in such disastrous terms as you write; you must live and be cautious; beware of madame your mother as of your worst enemy. What do I say? Beware of everybody; trust no one; keep yourself in readiness, as soon as the moon is visible; I shall leave the hotel incognito, take a carriage or a chaise, we shall drive like the wind to Sheveningen; I shall take paper and ink with me; we shall write our letters.

If you love me, reassure yourself; and call all your strength and presence of mind to your aid; do not let your mother notice anything, try to have your pictures, and be assured that the menace of the greatest tortures will not prevent me to serve you. No, nothing has the power to part me from you; our love is based upon virtue, and will last as long as our lives. Adieu, there is nothing that I will not brave for your sake; you deserve much more than that. Adieu, my dear heart!

Arout (Voltaire)

15. Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn:

TO MY MISTRESS. Because the time seems very long since I heard concerning your health and you, the great affection I have for you has induced me to send you this bearer, to be better informed of your health and pleasure, and because, since my parting from you, I have been told that the opinion in which I left you is totally changed, and that you would not come to court either with your mother, if you could, or in any other manner; which report, if true, I cannot sufficiently marvel at, because I am sure that I have since never done any thing to offend you, and it seems a very poor return for the great love which I bear you to keep me at a distance both from the speech and the person of the woman that I esteem most in the world: and if you love me with as much affection as I hope you do, I am sure that the distance of our two persons would be a little irksome to you, though this does not belong so much to the mistress as to the servant.

Consider well, my mistress, that absence from you grieves me sorely, hoping that it is not your will that it should be so; but if I knew for certain that you voluntarily desired it, I could do no other than mourn my ill-fortune, and by degrees abate my great folly. And so, for lack of time, I make an end of this rude letter, beseeching you to give credence to this bearer in all that he will tell you from me.

Written by the hand of your entire Servant, H.R.

16. Leo Tolstoy to Valeria Arsenev (November, 1856):

I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever previous your heat, your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour and cease to love it as speedily; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings.

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from The 16 Most Beautifully Touching Love Letters From Famous Writers And Artists