charlottevictoria2014

[charlottevictoria2014]

Life moves on. . .

 I wanted to make this a place with helpful tips and just advice of how I got through everything, but truth is I suppose I have had a moment if hiding from what happened.  Not because I'm ashamed or anything like that, I think its just that we are on the count down to my little one being here and to be honest in this happy time its been easier to not think about the past and just concentrate on the baby and getting ready and keeping him (yes a little boy :)) happy and healthy in there. 

Im not saying I'm giving up, I'm not saying I don't want to write and support and advise people going through the same thing - I just think that needs 100% of my focused attention... and to be honest I never recovered from Chemo brain, so adding Baby Brain just means there is no space in there for writing at the moment... and I feel that although I am in an amazing place, I need to be completely ready to revisit the illness and the feelings and be able to not  let it effect anything else, and right now with 3 weeks to go until my due date - Baby Boy comes first. 

I won't lie, I went through a few weeks (on and off) of worrying that I wasn't being grateful enough to have the life I live and worrying that baby would be ok but truth is I never stop being grateful, I just panicked and I know that all 3 of my consultants have checked me and confirmed that there is no link between mum and baby getting ill... and the be honest my illness just happened.  They reminded me that you don't have to physically sit and be grateful for a second chance everyday, but just remember from time to time, and celebrate by living a normal happy life.

No one knows whats round the corner so in order for me to prepare for baby and whats about to happen, I had to have my wobble and almost forget it.  Its a blessing that Im here and I have no idea how I’ve managed to be so lucky with Mike and then the baby.

The difference between when I was ill, and now that I'm truly me again, with a healthy happy pregnancy and baby - crazy, I feel unrecognisable from who I was back then. 

The lessons I have learnt through out my illness have made me more of a Wonder Woman than I could ever have imagined and even after the wobbles the strength I take from the people who got me through it all, my Family and just the utter strength of my mind and my Body to survive makes me feel that I’m ready for Motherhood and it all it throws at me..... I hope hahaha!! 

Cancer came to teach me lessons I would never have learnt, and although I do not condone it, it chose me and if it had to be someone out of my family I’m glad it was me - I got it, I got on with it and I’m here - living proof you can get through it all.

The world owes me nothing right now, healthy family, healthy baby healthy Mummy and Daddy to be.  As long as it stays that way I'm good with having to go through the Illness and be tested as I did. 

I am happy.

The next part of my journey is one as I say, I never thought I would get to have and I am totally 100% ready to meet my little Boy and start our family life together. 

For now Im signing out, Thanking you all for your help, support and care.  

The well wishes, the love and all the get well thoughts - it all worked. 

I hope you know how grateful I am.

I’ll be back and Ill post monthly to update on the ‘mummy diary’ that’s to come but I can't promise entertainment or drama...and I can't promise it every month, lets face it... life is just going to be SO busy. 

Hopefully just an ordinary Mum enjoying her baby.

What a luxury it is to be normal... 

Happy Easter all... enjoy the sun. 

There is always a reason to never give up.  There is always a reason to Smile.

xoxox

C

[charlottevictoria2014]

10 Tips for living through C**cer. Tip 1. When it comes to emotions there are no rules.

I have decide to let you know about my top tips for living through Caner... now I can only talk from my perspective, I was 23 almost 24 at Diagnosis and now I am 28.

Im not quoting anyone but myself and I am not relating to anyone’s thoughts and facts other than my own. 

I wanted to give you a summary of how i coped through out the treatment, when the treatment stopped and Life after pills. 

Please just remember this is my opinion... I cannot highlight that enough...

My. opinion. My. thoughts.  I am not a doctor.  Just a survivor. 

Tip 1. When it comes to Emotions, there are NO rules to follow. 

Diagnosis is the scariest thing in the world. 

They say those words.  For me, The L word.  The next few seconds seem to freeze, the world stops, the sound stops and you are stuck there thinking CANCER.... CANCER.. I have CANCER. 

Its terrifying. 

Now for me I went into planning mode.  I had to organise. I had to sort the Dog, the house, my stuff.  I suppose it was a controlled panic because I didn't know what else to do. 

I organised a message to send to my group of friends and called the few I knew I could face telling. 

Now here is the key bit. 

No one can tell you how you are supposed to act, how you are to feel and what you are to do next. 

People can advise you and tell you what they did, but you just have to go with the flow and get into your own stride with how you can cope with things.  

No one will tell you that you have to hide your feelings, and no one will tell you to not feel, but I know its tempting to almost feel obliged to be the brave one.

I had so many people that night I was diagnosed come to visit, I didn't get time to think. (which was a good thing!) But still, there in the middle of a packed room I remember hiding under the blankets and taking a deep breath to almost gather the fear back into a box. 

Then comes another whoosh of the ‘what the hell and i going to do’, where you find the balance between brave and strong and fear and worry.  

You don't want to shut people out, and let me tell you now - they may not understand what you are going through, but they want to be there, they do care.  If you freeze them out one day, start again the next day.  

You have to remember that you world stops, but the world outside of your hospital room doesn't.  Its ok to be mad about that but your loved ones just want to be there, and help, wherever and whenever they can.

Another thing that factors emotion is medicine, it can have a huge effect and you know what I did? 

I let it be. What can you do about something so out of your control.  Nothing! Steroids were awful, one minute I was up and the next down.  It physically cannot be helped.  The same as if insomnia hits, it did with me...Sometimes you can really hold it together and sometimes, a massive fail.

What I am trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself, talk when you want to talk and be brave when you feel you can be.  Don't freeze people out if you can help it, not the genuine ones anyway and let your emotions be what they need to be. 

It’s time to adjust, and to be honest you never truly get over whats happened to you and your body, you just learn to manage the feeling and emotions efficiently. 

Don't let anyone tell you any differently, not even me! and don't be ashamed to feel all the emotions under the sun. 

You are allowed. 

Lets fast forward a few years... Ive come off the Chemo, got the all clear, kind of moved mountains in respect of how things have changed and have a little one on the way. 

Caner has left its imprint and I still have to remind myself that actually its ok to be scared on occasion, its ok to be upset about whats happened and its also ok to be proud of myself and how far I have come.

There is no right or wrong way to handle your emotions. 

Advice you say? 

This isn't a rule, its just what I always told myself..good emotions and bad..

Cry when you are sad, and smile when you are happy 

but just promise that the times you are happy, you are really happy (whatever that may mean) and you truly see the world in the beautiful colours it is.  Cancer is an evil evil monster, it takes over your emotions your body and your life....

But it cannot take away the beauty in the world and your ability to enjoy it.  

There is always a reason to smile, even through the tears.

Believe me, I know.

xoxo

[charlottevictoria2014]

Goodbye 2016....

This year I haven't blogged so much...the year has literally whizzed by me, I've blinked and it's the 1st January and wowsers, what a great blur it was. I beat cancer, and 2016 my medicine was stopped...my Doctor, as sad as he was to know he wouldn't see me so much (hahaha) was happy enough with me to let me on my way and I just visited a couple of times for a blood check here and there. I've had a fabulous year with my family and sent Lily loo off to school! Mike and I have done so much I get sore feet thinking about it all, I've seen my best friend get married, the other engaged, my friends babies are growing up fast, we welcome a nephew into the world, and had some amazing news ourselves too. Things are great, but we cannot ever forget what happened, it changed my family and really changed me and my outlook forever. I have been writing my 'survival' guide for just my opinion if how I've got through the bumps in the road through the last 12 months.... And I plan to blog once a month at least, with useful information about...well...life. Resolutions, we all write and then we all break eventually but I would like to stick to the few things I have mentioned: - Blog, at least once a month - Read, one book every 6 weeks (Bex..book club is happening) - Walk more - Keep things tidying! (No more little piles of lists and papers!) - Games night once a month - Eat more fruit and drink more water Easy enough? So new year...I wish you all a happy and healthy one. I hope that the up's out way the downs and if you are tested you push through and come out on top. Never give up on yourself or your dreams, believe you can do it, work for it and you will get there. Cherish your loved ones and every memory you make. Today I have had a lazy day and just gone through my list of bills/letters/lists that needed to be sorted because we have big news for you....... After everything that I have been through I never thought this little miracle possible but, Mike and I have started the new year getting ready to move house and get settled before May.... When we have a little mini human arriving. See what I mean... Never say never, miracles happen all the time 💜 Can't wait to update you with how it all goes... Happy new year from my house to yours... 4(ish) months to go 💜 Xoxox

[charlottevictoria2014]

Happy new year from us to you! Xoxox

[charlottevictoria2014]

This time 3 years ago I wasn't feeling well and then my world turned upside down. This year, I've had my results back and my bloods are clear, my consultants are happy and we are so excited for Our next adventure.... How different things are now and how much has changed...mind blowing crazy. My anxieties have calmed and i look into the future without so much worry and doubt. I can't wait to update you from our Christmas with the family and share our exciting news. I also have a huge piece of writing to post which isn't quite ready yet, but will be soon. Enjoy the run up to Christmas guys! Be back soon Xoxo

[charlottevictoria2014]

[charlottevictoria2014]

M.I.A

So I’ve been missing in action… I’ve had to do a bit of brain storming.. because let’s face it no one wants to read a weekly update of everyday life, to me every single day is wonderful and a gift but to you guys it’s just… well normal.

The point of my blog was to prove to you that there is life after cancer and I'm so proud to say I'm living proof (one of many) and I'd love to send some encouragement and support and hope to people fighting their battles. That was my goal, no, my promise really and that's what I want to do.

So I’ve been having a think of what I can do next and I have a few ideas….

I’m working on a little update now so fingers crossed I’ll see you shortly.

Today however I just want to mention awareness to you... keep an eye out for cancer awareness, lymphoma. Leukaemia. All sorts.... without our support research comes to a halt and we need to keep fighting.

Don’t forget about me ❤️ Xoxoxo

[charlottevictoria2014]

Bex and Wayne had a house warming party.... It ended with us getting a tad tipsy and playing twister. I have no strength in my shoulder so face planted.... Grass.. My nose... Ouch! Fun though!

[charlottevictoria2014]

A few from new forest camping... Storm loved every second... Binky preferred being in the van with pillows and blankets like the princess she is.. They did meet the donkeys... And I'm happy to say all came away not overalls bothered by one another! 😂

[charlottevictoria2014]

Mike turned 28… And I decided to take us to NYC in November for a few days… Surprise Mickey Mouse. I love you! I also organised go Karting for mike and our brothers and a couple of his friend. Hannah and I watched..🙈 We went to visit Andy and Amy in Dorset and took binky with us… She celebrated with us and joined in the party!!

The girls played in the garden…. This was the last girls play date before Krystle was about to pop….

She popped yesterday! And mike (and kind of I) has a little baby nephew called Jack!!!

YAY!

Happy times….. 💙

[charlottevictoria2014]

[charlottevictoria2014]

Lily graduated, we went to air show. Storm dipped in the paddling pool. Bex and Wayne moved house. We bbq'd in the rain and mike treated himself to a drone. Bex got married and I was maid of honour. Oh and I totally got a massive milestone and DID A MAID OF HONOUR SPEECH AT THE WEDDING! A few years and a few gins and a talk from q few people and I got through it! 😁

[charlottevictoria2014]

It's been a while...

Wow I've been slacking! I can't believe I haven't written in forever. Good news is, I haven't been away because I'm poorly, I've been away because I've been well, and happy and normal!! Since the last blog so much has happened. I did my lash technician course, Bex got married, we had family outings, mikes birthday, camping etc etc etc.. It's been brilliant. Everything has been going so well I cannot thank the universe enough for keeping me well. So The wedding was amazing. I'm enjoying lashes so much. Office work mornings have been fine. Camping, not normally my style but was super fun! So we are going again with lily Hannah and Ben next weekend! And taking be puppies!! I will upload the fun in photos because there is too much to say.... Another plus is that I've started CBT the therapy to help with my anxiety and worry, I've only has one little session but I'm trying to be positive about it and look forward to the next session. I'm still rebuilding my life, bit by bit, day by day, but it all going well. Hospital is in September and then I have X-rays on my shoulders in November... Step by step... Keep moving forward. enjoy the good times whilst they are here..... 💜 I will get back to blogging and updating the social world with what I've been up to. Xoxoxo See you soon cherubs.

[charlottevictoria2014]

I’m a lucky girl….

In the midst of me, being my mental self, I got stolen away on a surprise trip to Marseille… To stay in the bubble hotel to star gaze and explore for a couple of days.

I had no idea. I thought maybe a spa… But nope, by the time we got to Gatwick, I didn’t know we were going abroad- if missed the signs to Gatwick… It was 5am!!! and even when we got the gate… I still had no idea what was going on. Mike totally got me and took me away to a perfectly planned adventure to celebrate being well and second chances. We had the most amazing time! Marseille is beautiful! Food was amazing and the sea was stunningly blue. We loved driving around exploring and laughed the entire trip! We went on a boat trip and saw the pretty fishing villages and all the oldy worldy places which was so so fun :) The world is beautiful 💗

Mike is wonderful and I can’t thank the world enough for giving me my second chance at life, love and generally just a chance to be truly happy.

Xoxoxo

[charlottevictoria2014]

One last MASSIVE SHOUT OUT... Is to my brother. Great brother, wonderful dad and just one of the best people I know. I forget you are the younger one sometimes! Lily loo is lucky to have a daddy like you!! I hope you enjoyed your Father's Day sunflowers! And the meal we all had. We ❤️ you. Xoxo

[charlottevictoria2014]

3 amazing old school photos of my mum and dad and all their COOLNESS!!!!

I didn’t put my Father’s Day post up because it doesn’t have to be Father’s Day to think about my Dad.

But I did want to share a few words and remind the world about my dad, and my grandad. Both wonderful fathers. Both had wonderful stories to tell and experiences to share. And did amazing jobs. Horses, dancing, cars, attitudes (ahem! Sorry about that haha!) Ben and I never went without, and I’m so grateful to have my memories locked up in my heart. Eternally mine.

I miss them everyday. And even more so on the bad days.

It would have also been 35 wedding anniversary for Mum and Dad this year. Time isn’t a healer, not when your husband is taken so young, but mum has coped incredibly well and shown the universe just how strong a woman can be.

So, happy anniversary, and happy Father’s Day Dad. To you too grandad.

And to my mum…. When dad passed away you and grandad were all the Dad we could have asked for. And when grandad went, you did an amazing job as Mum, Dad and Grandad.

You are all the best bits of the people we love rolled into one.

#mummy power!

I hope all you dads and all you mums who are dads too, had a wonderful Father’s Day.

[charlottevictoria2014]

We have been house sitting... 2 weeks 2 houses. So that was fun. Worked. Prom trials. Had lily loo... Went to the zoo.... Been out for dinner.. Celebrated bex's birthday. Been fun. Made some wonderful memories and laughed a lot! I have discovered due to broken bones.. Myself and sky scraper heels do not do well together anymore... So it's time to say goodbye to my beautiful shoe shopping problem! 😂