#whenever i try to find lesbian books to read people always seem to review them by writing shit like

[tenbees]

do you have any favorite lesbian characters &/or shows/movies/books featuring lesbians? i've seen & read a lot of media with lesbians, but a lot of it leaves me kinda cold for various reasons. mostly i feel like there are so few depictions of actual lesbians... it seems like most lesbian characters are shown to have fucked men or randomly (& unnecessarily) mention fucking men in their past. do you have any favorites that don't do that & show actual lesbians? looooove your blog btw! thank you!

aw thank you!! 🥰 i’m also Eternally trying to find media that portrays lesbians in a good way and the only two i can think of that i actually enjoyed (lol) are gentleman jack and the book priory of the orange tree, which i’m actually rereading right now because i’m obsessed with the noblewoman/handmaiden trope asdfsadf there is some of that in priory of the orange tree though, but i still interpret both the characters as lesbians and i’ll say why so you can decide if you want to read it--(spoiler)one of the characters is the queen and it is believed that the existence of her bloodline is the only thing stopping the world from descending into chaos. she avoids marriage, tries to have people create an elixir of life so that she’ll live forever and never need to marry, but when Evil Things start stirring she decides to get married. she gets pregnant, but pretty soon after her husband dies and she miscarries, then she and a female love interest get together. its... not ideal, but at least it isn’t like she was out thirsting over men then decided to be a lesbian. i also just love the rest of the book enough to outweigh that haha (end of spoiler)

besides that... ugh i’m trying to think. the true queen by zen cho has a lesbian couple, but it isn’t a central part of the book and just sort of happens three fourths in. it still might be fun to check out. i read it without reading the prequel because it’s pretty standalone.

the tiger flu by larissa lai has a society of lesbian clones, but it’s kind of fucked up because there are ‘starfish’ whose organs are harvested by their partners. and the main character kills her partner early on while trying to harvest her heart, which is a very risky operation. i have mixed feelings about this book because i LOVED the narrative voice of the organ harvesting lesbian and she was such a unique character, but the author didn’t use her to her full potential and made the plot mostly about this random girl in a thief academy... wow i’ve never heard of that one before 🙄

the deep by rivers solomon has a ‘lesbian’ couple, but it’s RANDOMLY REVEALED like 3/4 into the novella that all the mermaids are HERMAPHRODITES, that they identify as MEN, WOMEN, NEITHER, or BOTH, and that they USUALLY HAVE SEX IN GROUPS OF FIVE. even though that is Completely Irrelevant and makes no sense because they have no gender roles? and the only time characters are shown fucking, there’s two of them? the author is one of Those queers and literally physically could not write a book without including some fuckery i guess. so this is a weird one because the ‘lesbian’ couple could have literally been a straight couple if the mermaid character had arbitrarily decided to be a man. i have mixed feelings about this novella because the concept is really interesting, but the concept existed before she wrote the novella so she wasn’t really responsible for it and i feel like it was all tell and no show. but it might be worth reading if the summary intrigues you.

i also read the abyss surrounds us by emily skrutskie but i thought it was ass. badly written and the romance was really weird--captive falls in love with their captor. there was some talk about how they couldn’t get together until the power imbalance was gone but i thought it wasn’t done well. but again, you could check it out if the summary looks interesting.

omg this is such a pessimistic rec list. if there’s anything that you would recommend help a girl out 😭 i don’t watch a lot of tv/movies so all that’s coming to mind is pariah... but i’m a cheerleader... campaign 2 of critical role has two lesbian player characters (who are played by straight women, but still) but Do Not watch that unless you’re also just really into dnd and consuming media that has 4 hour long episodes. also dragon age has sera lol

[mollymauk-teafleak]

The Bianca Nureyev Detective Agency

This was an anniversary present for my wonderful girlfriend @spiky-lesbian who is just the most wonderful girlfriend ever and I love her a lot!

Juno tries to entertain his and Nureyev’s daughter on a slow day in space...

------------

Being a space pirate did sound good on paper. It sounded like a life full of narrowly dodged laser bullets, sprawling on beds of golden creds, witty one liners delivered to fallen foes in the smoking ruins of their empires that you’d just toppled and large, audacious hats.

And it was like that, about twenty percent of the time. But what they didn’t tell you was that the other eighty percent was a hell of a lot of waiting. It was a lot of snail crawling through deep space, killing days upon days worth of time in cramped metal hallways, eating stasis food and absorbing simulated sunlight. Planning your next big twenty percent could only take up so much time.

And it only got harder when you also had a three year old space pirate to entertain.

“Mamaaaaaaa,” Bee Bee poked her head up over the edge of the sofa, looking like some burrowing animal resurfacing, “I’m bored.”

Juno lowered the case file he’d been reviewing, eyeing his daughter with the tired amusement only a parent could muster, “Oh?”

Bee Bee scrambled up onto the family room’s busted old soda, sinking down beside her mama. She peered at him for a moment, taking note of the way he was sat, one ankle folded over the other and tried to copy him as best she could with her chubby little legs.

“Space is boring,” she declared, “There’s nothing to do.”

Juno set the files aside, silently accepting that he wouldn’t be getting back to them anytime soon, “Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Nope,” his daughter gave a forlorn sigh, “Nothing at all.”

“Well then,” Juno shrugged, sinking down into the sofa so they were level even if it would be murder on his back later, “We’ll just have to think of something to do, won’t we, kiddo?”

Bee Bee giggled, “Yes. What was mama doing?”

“Oh,” Juno looked to the files he’d piled on the arm of the sofa, “Nothing interesting. Just looking into cases where other people have tried to do the same job we’re going to do.”

“And what happened to them?”

Juno winced. It wasn’t as if their daughter was unaware of the dangers they faced in their line of work. Pirates weren’t exactly famous for operating within the confines of the law, even in her storystreams. And since she’d been born, she’d seen her daddy at work, often getting a birds eye view of it all from a wrap slung across his chest.

“Well. Jail mostly,” he admitted, knowing he didn’t have to hide the truth from her even if it didn’t feel good to.

“Huh,” Bee Bee hardly blinked, swinging her legs, “Well, Auntie Buddy’s way way smarter than all of them. And Auntie Vespa is faster and Auntie Rita is better and Uncle Jet is cooler and my daddy is the best at stealing ever ever in the whole galaxy. And my mama’s the best detective. So we’ll do just fine.”

Juno grinned, reaching over and stroking back her curls, “Yeah. We’ll do just fine.”

“So can I help Mama? With being a detective?” her eyes sparked excitedly.

He knew that look, once her mind was fixed on something she’d follow it to the far side of the universe. She was like her daddy in that. But she wouldn’t exactly find much interest in going through old case files that somehow managed to make jewel heists sound boring. Though the tactics these failed thieves had used didn’t have an awful lot of pizzaz to them. Probably why they’d flopped, or at least that’s what Buddy would say.

“You know what?” Juno snapped his fingers like he’d just had a fantastic idea, “You’re just the kid I need for this very important case!”

“I am!” Bianca beamed, not a question. She had perfect confidence in her own abilities.

“It’s a classic head scratcher, kiddo,” Juno announced grandly, mostly to stall for time while he decided just what this case was going to be, “I’ve been at it for years and I’ve never been able to crack it but with your pluckiness and my brains we might just solve the case of...uh...the case of daddy’s missing glasses!”

Bee Bee gasped appreciatively, “Daddy’s always losing his glasses!”

“He is,” Juno snorted, “And we’ve got to go help him, right?”

“Right!” she jumped onto her feet, bouncing up onto the couch cushions and promptly tumbling, Juno just about managing to catch her. It didn’t seem to diminish her enthusiasm, as her legs windmilled wildly, “Let’s go!”

“Okay,” Juno grinned, “Well, first thing is to examine the scene of the crime and…”

“No, mama!” Bee Bee frowned, looking at him like he was profoundly stupid, “First thing is to dress up.”

“Of course. My mistake.”

Apparently no detective work could be done until Bianca was wearing her mama’s old coat, the one he’d hung onto for sentimental reasons even after he’’d been unable to really call himself a detective. And long after the leather had worn on the elbows and there were none of the original buttons left on it.

It needed to be rolled up quite a few times to even get the tips of her fingers poking out of the sleeves and the bottom of it looked like a mad kind of wedding train but Bee Bee grinned in delight and it was pretty good to see the old thing getting some use again.

“Now we go to the scene of the crime,” she declared, waving her arms, “Daddy and mama’s room!”

“Come on then, co-detective,” Juno laughed, “Lead the way.”

If Nureyev was surprised to see them burst through the door, it didn’t show on his face. He didn’t scare easily. He only smiled and tilted his head, quickly shoving the book on pregnancy he’d been reading far under Juno’s pillow. They weren’t quite ready to broach that subject with Bianca yet.

“Hello, my loves,” he hummed, “What adventures are we on today?”

“We’re playing detective!” Bee Bee toddled up, clambering on the bed to give him a quick hug before anything else, “Going to find your glasses.”

“Oh could you!” Nureyev smiles pleasantly, “It does seem I’ve misplaced them again, reading is something of a chore without them.”

Juno arched an eyebrow at his husband, “You wouldn’t possibly be deliberately reading that book without your glasses so you could claim you have while not retaining any information or looking at any of the diagrams?”

“An outlandish notion,” Nureyev flicked his fingers at him airily, turning his attention to Bianca who was now crawling around the bed, bent over so she could scrutinise every inch of the sheets like a bloodhound with a scent, “Please, dear little detective, will you take my case?”

“We on the case, daddy!” Bee Bee assured him, hurrying over to give him a hug, now just because she wanted to, “We’ll find the glasses.”

“You gotta question the witness,” Juno advised, “Build a timeline.”

Bee Bee nodded, looking up at Nureyev with a sudden fierce seriousness, “What is your timeline, daddy?”

He couldn’t help but smile down at her as he pretended to think, “Let’s see...well, I went to the kitchen for breakfast...then I had to collect some floorplans from Buddy’s office, I read them over in the family room with my wife...then I had an appointment with the physician. Then I came here to have a nap and do my assigned reading.”

Juno rolled his eyes at that last one.

“We’ll track 'em down!” Bee Bee declared, barrelling off the bed onto the ground. Again, her mama only just managed to catch her, “Come on, Detective Mama! Before the trail goes cold!”

Juno chuckled, pausing briefly to lean down and kiss Nureyev, before he followed his daughter, not needing to hurry too much, one of his strides matching about five of hers.

Their trail through the ship took them most of the rest of the afternoon, clattering through the winding corridors, the two of them making up wild twists and turns whenever suited them, inventing new characters, dastardly schemes that had happened off screen, speculating wildly on new threats. Buddy of course joined in enthusiastically, she was a regular and beloved playmate of Bianca’s. Just searching her room turned into a frantic search to disarm a bomb left by this mysterious glasses thief, a bomb that turned out to be in Buddy’s chest which could only be fixed by a hug from a plucky little detective.

Vespa was less willing, they caught her in the middle of disinfecting all of her scalpels. But even she wasn’t immune to Bee Bee’s charms, eventually playing her role with grudging grace. And Juno was able to get a quick whispered update on Nureyev’s check up, feeling a little better that it wasn’t just him and his husband who knew, that he had someone to offload all his anxiety on, the same anxiety he was trying to shield said husband from.

Even better, they ran into Rita in the kitchen and the game then swerved happily into the wildest corners of two vast imaginations, going off on a tangent that somehow involved werewolves, a falling moon and a galaxy wide ring of prolific glasses thieves (it turned out Rita had lost her pair too, though they did turn out to be perched on top of her head).

It was when Bee Bee was rolling happily around on the floor that she suddenly froze and squealed in triumph. She bounded up to the side table next to the old, sagging sofa, less than an inch from where Juno had been sitting earlier.

“Here! Here’s the glasses!”

Sure enough, there was a pair of cat eye spectacles on a silver chain resting there. Even Juno couldn’t raise much of a grump when he realised they’d been inches from their goal at the very start of the job. Some cases just worked out that way.

“We’ll have to take them back to your daddy, huh?” he panted, collapsing next to his daughter on the sofa. Somewhere along the way he’d picked up glitter on his black turtleneck, a rubber glove from the infirmary stretched over his head like a mad hat and one of Buddy’s scarves wound around his neck.

“Yes! And then get paid,” Bee Bee nodded, making Juno slightly nervous about what sort of payment she was going to demand. She’d asked to be paid in ice cream last time they’d played this game.

She plopped down next to her mama, leaning against his arm, adding more glitter to his favourite jumper, “Mama? I don’t think daddy is very happy right now. I think something’s up.”

Juno froze, “Uh...what makes you say that, kiddo?”

“Well…” Bee Bee wrinkled her nose, “He just seems...floppy. Always flopping on you and he looks pale and he doesn’t sleep good, mama. I think he’s sick.”

Juno tried to keep his face carefully neutral, “Your daddy’s fine, honey, I promise.”

“Hmm,” she replied, in that way she had that let him know she didn’t believe him in the slightest, “But it’s okay. Because we found his glasses and that’s gonna make him happy. And then we’ll help him more and we’ll do detective and find his happy.”

Juno relaxed, wrapping his arm around her, “Oh yeah?”

Bee Bee beamed and nodded, “Cos I’m the best detective ever! And mama helps!”

Juno sat back, laughing mostly to himself.

“You know what, kiddo? I thought I was pretty good but I think you really might be the best ever.”

[quarterfromcanon]

1-4. For the asks

Thank you so much for sending these! <3 

Once I started to answer them, I realized there were comparatively few recent television shows appearing on the list. I seemed to keep gravitating toward older ones I remembered from years ago. I took a handful of days to mull it over in case I was forgetting something, but nothing else comes to mind. Maybe my ongoing list of Shows to Watch During Quarantine will turn up some fresh results but, for now, it looks like I’ll be taking a little trip down memory lane. :) 

This turned out to be a pretty long and rambly post, so I’ll stow it under the cut!

Top 5 TV Shows 

1. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - I can’t imagine this surprises anyone who has been following this blog for the past two years or so. It brought fellow fans into my life, got me back into writing fic, and prompted countless tags of meta. It’s the show my mind drifts to on a weekly basis (if not daily) even a full year after the finale. Just when it seemed I’d reached an age where that level of intense fandom involvement and character attachment might be fading, it proved that quite the opposite was true. I’m very thankful to the series for that, and for the people whose paths have crossed mine as a result.   

2. Schitt’s Creek - This is my #1 Feel Good show and, though I’ve been dodging spoilers for the final season until it gets uploaded to Netflix, I get the impression that it will remain in that top spot. The world feels softer and more hopeful there. It’s healing for my soul. I’m going to have a dreadfully difficult time saying goodbye, but I’m glad there are six season to revisit whenever I want. 

3. Stranger Things - The theme song alone sends such a rush of excitement through me. I love the aesthetic and the atmosphere. I sometimes have mixed feelings about the romances but the FRIENDSHIPS sure do have a direct line to my heartstrings. I think the way they’ve combined media influences into their own story is really neat. You get something that’s new and engaging, but you can also go back and enjoy the sources of inspiration with fresh appreciation. 

4. Joan of Arcadia - I can’t help it. The snark, the jackets, the early 2000s songs, the performances -- the nostalgia for this show is so strong. It’s not without its problems, but it did have some really good things to offer as well. I remember an episode that was one of my earliest introductions to the concept of a trigger, and the effect it could have on a person if exposed to one of theirs. The series dealt a lot with grief and the many forms it can take (I STILL can’t hear Fiona Apple’s cover of “Across the Universe” without getting misty-eyed). I’m also surprised, looking back, at the somewhat positive way I recall them discussing homosexuality on the several occasions that it came up in the show. Not to give too much credit since I don’t think there were recurring canonically LGBTQIA+ characters but, for a kid who spent most days around closed-minded people of a certain religious leaning, it was meaningful along my individual journey. I’d like to provide the several examples that are most vivid in my memory:

A. A girl with short hair, short nails, little to no makeup, and a bulky leather jacket is generally assumed to be a lesbian by the bullies at school. The show directly confronts the fact that “gay” should not be used an insult, that identity should not be assumed without the person telling you so, AND makes sure that the character in question never pushes back by saying harmful things about lesbians despite not actually being one herself. 

B. A boy who is questioning is able to confide in his big brother and have a fairly calm conversation about it; the awkwardness mostly comes from neither of them being accustomed to openly discussing emotions, not from the possibility of a negative response regarding the subject matter. 

C. Another character is accidentally discovered to be gay (he only appears in the one episode, if my memory serves), and some of the leads have the opportunity to share that for personal gain. However, even though he is a popular jock who is a bit of a jerk in the hallways, the show makes it clear that the right choice is still to leave the telling of that information up to him and him alone. 

Like I mentioned, it can’t be said that representation was in abundance here - for instance, I don’t believe anything other than straight or gay was presented as a possibility - but any accepting acknowledgement in a faith-centric series was something for me to hold on to in my still-deeply-closeted days. As a final Very Important personal side note, this show brought Judith Montgomery into my life (pictured below on the left), and that feels like it merits a shoutout for being what I consider a rather significant marker in my awakening. 

THE OVERWHELMING CRUSH I HAD - and still have - is one for the books. 

5. Pushing Daisies - This is another show with an aesthetic I adore. The series has such a fun, whimsical energy. The crime-solving! The clothes! The cast! There's a lot to love. It’s the kind of world I wish I could visit... well, minus the evidently rampant murder rate. 

Top 5 Overrated TV Shows

1. Once Upon A Time - *deep sigh* I tried to stick with it for so long. I think I’ve seen five out of the seven seasons in their entirety. It just felt like everything got mired down by excessive (and increasingly convoluted) subplots, often for the purpose of tossing in as many fairytale and/or Disney characters as possible. Plus, quite honestly, there was too much emphasis on romantic love. For a show whose first season involved a curse being broken by [potential spoiler, I suppose] a mother kissing her son’s forehead, I ultimately found myself up to my ears in romantic ships. It reached such a stifling extent that, if you were not particularly attached to those pairings, there wasn’t a whole lot else to entice further viewing. 

2. Under the Dome - I don’t know for certain what the general public opinion of this series was, but it felt like the commercials always featured alleged rave reviews, so I figured I could include it here. I was vaguely interested in Season 1, mainly as a fan of Rachelle Lefevre’s work. Season 2 pulled me in with the introduction of a new townsperson and I threw WAY too much of my heart into that attachment, which backfired when that character was killed. I made quite the spectacle of my heartbreak, so much so that my family doesn’t let me mention this show around them anymore. :P Season 3 was, to phrase it delicately, not a great time. The series did introduce me to a few new-to-me actors, though, so that was cool. 

3. Bates Motel - Even the incentive of learning that the two characters I liked most share a lot of screen time later in the series hasn’t been enough to call me back to this one. I don’t know if it was the pacing that put me off or what, but the prospect of finishing the remaining seasons feels so daunting. There are evidently five seasons in total and I believe I’ve only seen two of them thus far. I will probably muddle through it someday just to see how it goes, but the fact that I am so disinclined to prioritize it made this feel like a fair addition to the list. 

4. Lost - My interest in this series unfortunately waned right before fervent fandom spiked. I don’t have any specific complaints that come to mind about what I saw; I just sort of drifted and then stayed away. Teachers I liked and peers I spent time with were starting to latch on to the show and I couldn’t find even the slightest inclination to give it a second try. However, did I still dutifully read all the latest installments in my friend’s Sawyer Ford and Kate Austen fanfiction when she passed me handwritten copies at lunch? Sure. I was glad it made her happy, even if I was no longer a viewer. 

5. Hemlock Grove - I say this as someone who still mourns the fates of some characters in this show, so I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that the series stopped being able to make me feel anything. I’m just of the opinion that, in some ways, it might’ve been better off stopping at one season. That’s where the book it was based on ends, and things just didn’t feel as cohesive after that. Season 3 especially was - borrowing from my above review of Under the Dome - not a great time. That being said, there are also certain elements from the book that I could’ve done without in the Season 1 adaptation but... well... here we are. 

Top 5 Underrated TV Shows

1. Picnic at Hanging Rock - Another one that won’t surprise followers of this blog. I have rhapsodized about it quite frequently since I found it a little over a month ago. It’s a period piece mystery miniseries with LGBTQIA+ representation, gorgeous costumes, and Samara Weaving. This felt specifically designed to wedge its way into my heart, and I’m quite content with the space it now occupies.

2. Dark - I’m so intrigued by the overlapping timelines with all of the morally gray characters. It’s possible to like one of these people in the timeline where they’re young but dislike them as adults, or vice versa. It also makes me think of Rant by Chuck Palahniuk a little tiny bit with the idea that time travel, specifically tampering with your own timeline, might make you physically and behaviorally unrecognizable to yourself. And the SONG CHOICES! I have gotten some solid new music selections from this series. 

3. Sense8 - I still need to watch the finale. I really do. But I knew it would make me sad so I’ve avoided it for... two years now? Pretty close, I think. The concept is fascinating and the cast is so strong. Plus the cinematography! They came up with some of the coolest ways to depict the link these characters share and what it’s like when they connect over distance. The planning and careful editing it all must’ve taken... I remain in awe. 

4. Penny Dreadful - There were definitely some story/writing choices I didn’t particularly like along the way, but I did get engrossed in the creepy goodness and the performances -- Eva Green’s Vanessa Ives most of all. It left me wishing for more period piece “monster mash” stories, because having all those classic characters in one place was a blast. It also helped me understand why Helen McCrory was once slated to play Bellatrix Lestrange because she can be terrifying. Oh and Sarah Greene in her Wild West outfits? Perdita Weeks with short red hair in fencing garb, and later in all leather with boots and a long jacket? I WAS NOT PREPARED AND I HAVE STILL NOT RECOVERED. I NEVER WILL.

5. Wonderfalls - There’s some cringe-inducing handling of certain representation in the series, but I have such a weak spot for quippy outcasts who become reluctant chosen ones (Joan Girardi in Joan of Arcadia, Wynonna Earp, Jaye Tyler in this series, et cetera). I also really love the sibling dynamics here. They bicker, tease one another, help each other out of trouble, and have rare but genuine heart-to-hearts. Caroline, Lee, and Katie all did such a great job blending their characters’ adult personalities with certain childhood attributes that rise to the surface in the presence of family.  

Top 5 Movies

1. Addams Family Values - I’ve rewatched this movie at least once annually since I found it in Media Play at age 13. Usually, I’ll play it around Halloween or, at the latest, Thanksgiving. It’s mouth-along-with-every-line level ingrained in my memory. I find myself leaning forward in my seat before favorite parts because I’m still that excited to relive them. Why this movie, and why this devotion to such a degree? It’s hard to explain, even to myself. I can tell you, however, that I hold up every other portrayal of the Addams characters to the versions found in this. Everybody in the cast just feels that perfect for their part. 

2. Clue - I was already pretty fond of this movie to begin with, but then my sister got older and claimed it as a favorite of her own, so now she just supplies me with further excuses to watch it repeatedly. It’s also been a bonding piece of media with a couple of close friends and such through the years. It’s incredible to think not everyone in it was the first choice for their roles; what everybody brings to the table is so top-notch that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also LOVE knowing that it originally went to theaters with different endings depending on which showing you attended. I gather people weren’t terribly thrilled with the stunt back then, but I kinda think some moviegoers would be into that approach these days? Then again, one hit that tried something different tends to start a fad, so maybe I’d end up regretting the suggestion after a while. :P

3. The Craft - This. Movie. Yes, Act III is a major bummer even though I know it’s coming, and I’ll always wish it ended differently. Even so. This. Movie. I tend to headcanon mostly for shows and sometimes books, but The Craft is a beloved exception. I love so much about it: the magic, the music, the clothes, the settings, the dynamics within the friend group, the performances. I had no idea when I first got the DVD at 17 that it would become such a part of my life, but I’m so glad it found its way to me. 

4. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion - The soundtrack is a glorious ’80s and ’90s treat for my ears. The colorful costumes are perfectly suited to the main characters’ version of the world. There are so many great lines and it feels like everyone is having a lot of fun in their roles. I LOVE HEATHER MOONEY SO MUCH. She’s my awful, scathingly sarcastic, little grungy grump and she fills my heart with joy. 

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - I was pretty sure at least one of the three had to appear on here. I think, if I were to tally them all up, The Return of the King features most of my favorite moments, so it wins the spot. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”, ‘Edge of Night,’ Éowyn in battle, The Army of the Dead, ‘Into the West’... I end up crying during the end credits every time. So, yeah, ultimately, I would choose the third part of the trilogy if I could only watch one. 

Phew, that’s it! All the questions answered, all the shows and movies listed! Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it all, and thanks again to @monaiargancoconutsoy for sending in the prompts! <3

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Book review update!

So, for those of you who still stick around for my Lesbians And Gays Of The Past, first of all, thank you!! It really means a lot. Secondly, I’m thinking of doing some changes to my reviews. I originally started LAGOTP because whenever I saw lgbt book recs they always seemed to be the same books over and over again or people just pulling up goodreads list and recommending books they haven’t even read. I want to find more rare or less talked about lgbt literature, that isn’t super new and pushed like wildfire, because I know for me personally I wasn’t relating to a lot of the recs I was being given. So I ser this up to help me stay motivated and to help share gay and lesbian books of many different varies with you all. And I definitely plan to keep this up. But as some of you may have realised I’ve been in a bit of a reading slump. This year has been a bit hard for me and I haven’t been reading as many books I wanted to. However, I’ve recently been getting back in the grove and reading more books through kindleunlimited. I want to start reviewing these books but I really don’t think they fit with the vibes of LAGOTP. So I’m thinking of starting another review tag where I might do like a monthly or fornightly round up of any of the books I’ve read and do like mini reviews for them. Is that something you guys might be interested? A lot of the ones I’ve read so far seem to be more romcomy and light hearted and honestly just good fun. But they are also decently new too, which goes against LAGOFT. I don’t know, it’s just an idea I’ve had. If you guys are cool with it I might start putting that into motion! And try to get that podcast up and running too. I only have about a month left of cert 2 and my university degree for the year though, so maybe I’ll try and get that up and running in the break if it’s still something you are all interested in. I feel like when I pictched the idea it was around 4 months ago. People seemed interested but I didn’t really deliver lol

[winteriron-trash]

About Me/FAQ

Hey, welcome to my blog! This is my -well, usually- Marvel-centric blog that has everything WinterIron, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark, as well as some general shitposts of my own wild adventures. I figured it’s best to keep up this trend of updating my ‘About Me’ page every follower milestone. So thank you all so much for over 3,000 followers, I never expected to break that many followers, let alone in less than a year on Tumblr. I appreciate each and everyone one of you, so really, thank you for sticking around with my bullshit.

Per the usual, I don’t do drama, I don’t do discourse. If you have a serious problem with me or anything I’ve written/done on this blog, please take it up with me personally. I will delete anon hate (if I get any, I haven’t gotten any yet…) and I think it’s all just pointless. I can be salty and derpy sometimes, but I will never purposely say something malicious. I’m not here for that negativity.

Now, to the FAQs.

Do you have an Ao3/Pillowfort/other social media?

I do have an Ao3, you can find me at Gothic_Lolita. I don’t cross-post everything, and a lot of my stuff on Ao3 isn’t WinterIron or even Bucky or Tony-centric, so if you’d like to see some other stuff I write, feel free to check over there. I don’t have a Pillowfort, nor do I plan on getting one. It took me forever to get this platform right, I’m not in the place to bother learning how to navigate a new one. I don’t do Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter because I am not nearly basic or cool enough for that stuff. The only social media I use is Tumblr and Pinterest, and trust me, my Pinterest is nothing interesting enough to be worth linking.

Do you have a tagging system?

I’m… trying, honestly. I’m trying to adjust my tags and systems because of the… wildness Tumblr is having with blocking and purging certain tags. I try to be funny in my tags, and I swear a lot, and apparently ‘fuck’ is being filtered out of the tag search, so that’s fun and completely screwed me over. As it stands, the important tags are ‘winteriron-trash writes’ (my writing tag), ‘shitposting with becca’ (any wild shitposts of my own sad creation), ‘not about marvel’ (any posts that are my general bullshittery and not Marvel related), ‘becca gives mediocre writing advice’ (a new tag I’m trying to use that’ll tag any post that I give writing advice on), ‘becca spills the tea’ (a tag for whenever I post my metas or opinions on Marvel characters, plots, etc), and the citrus scale which I explain in a post here

Do you write original fiction?

Yes, but I rarely, if ever, post it. I think I have all of one poem on Tumblr, any absolutely nothing original on Ao3. I write original works all the time, especially poetry and novels, but I’m super shy about being vulnerable and putting my stuff out there. I do wanna post my original writing somehow, but considering a fandom blog and Ao3 aren’t really the place for it, I’ll just keep it all hidden inside of me, and one day I’ll die. You’re more than welcome to ask me about any of my original writings, trust me, I am always willing to ramble about the shit I write, it’s pathetic.

What type of fanfiction do you write?

For this blog, mostly WinterIron fics or gen fics focused on Bucky or Tony. I do write about OT3s on here occasionally, but they usually include WinterIron in some way. Most of the time. I’ve somehow gotten to writing some weird stuff lately, to be honest. I’ll work with MCU, Sony Venom, and Spiderverse characters and canon, with the occasionally comic canon shoved in there. I have occasionally written crossover content with DC characters, but that usually relies on comic versions -or at least my own remixes of them- rather than the DCEU. On my masterlist, you can check out all the things I’ve written!

What are your ships besides WinterIron? NOTPs?

I’ll ship almost anything, and I’m a huge fan of rarepairs/interesting relationships simply to explore the possibilities of it, particularly when they include Bucky or Tony. My top OTPs besides WinterIron are currently Phlint, FalconShield, and BlackPepper. As for NOTPs, I strongly dislike Stucky, Stuckony, Thorki, and Staron for reasons of just not being able to see those characters together romantically. Feel free to send me the wildest rarepair your mind can think of, chances are I’ve probably already thought of it myself so I’d love the chance to ramble about/write for it. I’m a big fan of weird OT3s as well, just see the weird shit on my masterlist.

Are you in any fandoms besides Marvel?

I’m into DC, Star Trek, classic literature, Percy Jackson/HoO/Kane Chronicles, She-Ra, Carmen Sandiego, indie gaming, Supernatural, vulture culture, HYDRA Trash Party, and musicals. Yes, I’m aware I was born to be a geek. Trust me, I’ve grown very used to it.

Do you take prompts?

Honestly, sending me a prompt/headcanon/idea is a shot in the dark. I have prompts sitting in my inbox that has been there for about a year that I’ve been meaning to write. Chances are if you send me a prompt yes I’ve seen it, yes I think it’s lovely, but god I do not have the time. Occasionally a prompt will really grab my eye and I’ll just have to write something for it, but sometimes even that can take months to finish. Don’t be surprised if you send me a prompt and I randomly fill it seven months later. I’m prone to doing so. I love being tagged in existing prompt/headcanon posts and asked to write it (as I have a bad habit of hijacking posts to write stuff for them to begin with…) just know that once again the chances of me writing it are about a 50/50. Also, make sure the OP is okay with you asking me to write it, it’s never my intention to steal someone else’s spotlight, I just want to take cool ideas and throw my two cents in.

Is there anything you won’t write?

Drugs and alcohol are hard nos for me. They’re personal triggers that if you really want to know more about, you can send me an ask or message about. If I’ve listed something as a NOTP, I will not write anything with it. I strongly dislike writing kid fics, mundane AUs, damsel in distress Tony fics, and A/B/O, but I’m willing to work with an idea if it’s good enough. It really depends on the situation.

Do you offer writing advice/reviews?

Yep! I’m down to answer any questions on writing fanfic or just writing in general. I love talking about writing and all that. Seriously, I like talking about writing almost as much as I like talking about Marvel. I’m more than open to reading a few chapters of your fic or book or whatever and telling you my honest thoughts, but I probably won’t have time to read all of it if it’s more than 5k long, because I’m just a busy person. And I will be honest because I want to be helpful. Don’t ask me for my honest opinion if you just want your ego stroked.

Can I ask your opinion on [insert topic here]?

Always. I am always open to sharing my honest opinions, regardless of backlash I’ll receive for it. I’d rather be my honest self online -the one place I can be my honest self- then a fake mask made to please others. Whether it be fandom ships, in-universe meta, or non-fandom related topics, feel free to ask me. I love talking meta, or just general thoughts and opinions on random stuff. Trust me, I’m far too opinionated for my own good. Ask literally anyone who’s met me.

How long have you been writing?

All seventeen years of my sad, sad life. I loved writing stupid little stories when I was a kid, that slowly morphed into shitty “books”, then I went through a poetry phase in junior high, and when I was about 14 I wrote my first fanfiction. I posted my first fanfic when I was 15, and have been posting fanfiction for over a year and a half now. I started Tumblr in late February but didn’t start writing fics here until about March because I am a shy bitch.

Aaaaaaand now for some stupid shit about me you didn’t ask for.

My name is Becca, or Winter, or Dumbass, whatever you prefer, and I’m a dumbfuck 17 yr old lesbian from upstate New York. (The ‘upstate’ part is important. Don’t ask me if I live in NYC. Just don’t.) I’m a junior in high school and planning to study English and Marketing in college, to hopefully become an editor. Hopefully. I’m actually a pretty boring and dumb bitch, which makes it all the more concerning that I am steadily gaining popularity on this hellsite. Someone help me.

I mentioned some of my interests above, but some other stuff I’m into includes knitting, playing piano, tea, collecting (hoarding) notebooks, photography, editing, music, and being a general idiot. I’m a wild child in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, which should not fool you because I’m far too shy and afraid of everything to be cool like that. I sound a lot cooler online because I’ve gotten so used to online interactions from making friends and running my own Discord server, but in real life I am unrecognizable. I’ve been in a grade of 60 people with the same people since kindergarten and some of them still don’t know my name.

I’m mentally ill and all that, but we’re working on getting… better. Writing schedules are a mess from me and sometimes I’m falling apart so, that’s fun. It doesn’t usually affect my blog because I internalize that shit, but occasionally the self-deprecating humor can get to be a little too close to the truth. And just the general spastic nature of my blog reflects the utter chaos of my mind.

So anyway, that’s me, please be my friend. Also, because this seems to come up more and more. Please don’t be afraid of me/intimidated by me. I know I look all cool and popular, but I am literally a hot mess just like the rest of us. If you want to climb your way into my messages and just,,,, scream at me about something you think I’d like, or just scream in general, go ahead. I really won’t mind, I promise. I need… friends, or so my therapist tells me.

Oh, and here’s a face reveal.

Yes, I am that absolute idiot of a person, lying splat in the middle of my elementary playground field for,,,, reasons???? I don’t really remember the story behind that picture tbh, but it’s my entire personality in a single picture, so I dig it.

And here’s my actual face, with a cheap ring in my mouth and a fox filter because I thought I looked cute, okay? Leave me be.

Tadah.

I swear I’m funny and talented sometimes, please like me.

As always, feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you’d like. 

Check out my Masterlist if you want, and join my Discord Server.

[cianmars]

If they had a kid meme: If Red Snowing in the "Three's Not A Crowd Verse" had a second baby? (Or more) :)

Ooo I shockingly haven’t actually thought about this one… (Putting this under a read more as lets be honest the Charming brood is massive) 

From THIS verse (if you haven’t read it you might not understand the dynamics between Em and her parents)

After the curse broke they find that the adults age very very slowly, like the magic is trying to make up for them losing so much time. People still celebrate birthdays but as soon as they hit 21 their body slows down its ageing. Because of the curse Emma doesn’t age at all for the next 28 years, Emma is obviously pissed off that her siblings surpass her in age (they were all  more mature than her since they were like 10) but there’s nothing they can do about it so she has to get used to it.A year after the curse broke there’s two kids who desperately need to be fostered, they aren’t sure if Emma’s ready for it, but the kids need their help so they take them in intending to keep them for a couple of weeks. They have werewolf genes (like a quarter wolf) so Ruby was asked to look after them as a precaution (there’s still some wolf prejudice from the residents). They become quite attached to these kids and Emma clearly loves them (though she still acts out sometimes) so they continue fostering them and eventually adopt them.

Name: Emma Ruth Charming (20) 

Gender:  Female

General Appearance: Very much a tomboy, she could live in pyjamas if she could, but when she’s not wearing them she wears comfy clothes mostly plaid shirts, beanies, jeans, sweats whenever she can. She’d rather die than wear a dress or anything pink. She’s barely 5 foot tall (she often whines about people in her family moving things up onto high shelves).

Personality: She’s very young for her age because of her past and because of the curse, she’s a complete troublemaker, mostly because she tries to prove she’s mature and that she doesn’t need to be looked after by her parents but as often proved she does. She’s stubborn, impulsive, a spitfire, and has her father’s tact - but she’s also kind, funny, and good.

Special Talents: She has strong magic but it’s extremely temperamental. 

Who they like better: She adores all three of her parents and has a special connection to each other them… that being said she’s a complete daddy’s girl.

Who they take after more: She’s the perfect mix of all three of her parents, but personality and looks wise she’s a little bit more David than her mothers. 

Personal Head canon: - She’s immature and childish, she acts more like a 6/7 year old than an adult, it’s not her fault it’s down to her childhood and the curse, but she has a hard time accepting that. When Cassie and Zac first move in she tries to hide it but they show her they don’t care after Ruby, Snow, and David explain it to them.- She almost always ends up sleeping in her parents bed, along with her blanket and the teddies her parents got her, it’s a good thing that her parents had a huge bed.- She’s always cold and hoards blankets, especially when she’s sick, her parents have to stop her wrapping like 8 fleece blankets around herself as she’ll overheat.-She’s a very fast runner.- She acts out a lot when her parents tell her that they have to move to a bigger place, her siblings and parents eventually help her to get used to them having to move to a house, but a small part of her will always miss her first home. Face Claim: Britt Robertson

Name: Cassidy Emily Charming (Cassie or Cas)

Gender: Female

General Appearance: She looks very much like Ruby despite not being her biological daughter, she’s also got a similar style to Ruby, she’s pretty good at keeping up to date with fashion but can often be found in tanks and sweats when lounging around or after cheer practice. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes with flecks of gold in her irises. 


Personality: She’s one of those popular girls at high school, who everyone assumes would be a massive bitch, but she’s actually one of the nicest people ever, she sticks up for people and really cares about her studies. She is fierce, she had grown up basically raising her brother so she had to be, but she’s completely mellowed out from when she first moved in with her family. She tends to not lose her temper often, she prefers to find logical solutions to problems rather than just complaining, but once in a blue moon she will completely lose it. She’s the queen of sarcastic retorts.


Special Talents: She’s a quarter wolf which means that she turns every other new moon rather than every full moon. She’s really good at gymnastics.


Who they like better: She works in Granny’s sometimes at the weekend (she’s the one who always sneaks Emma sugar filled treats to make her hyper before going out and leaving her parents with the consequences) so she gets along well with Ruby, they’re both similar temperaments and very rarely clash. She wasn’t used to having a dad so was awkward around David at first but she has him wrapped around her finger. She admires Snow’s personality and morals, she’s only admitted it out loud a few times but she’s her inspiration and she hopes to be like her.


Who they take after more: Ruby’s absolute double, just slightly more sarcastic, her family always joke that she’s secretly their biological daughter and in a few more teary moments she admitted that she wished that they really were her birth parents.


Personal Head canon:
 - She was 17 when she was officially adopted by her parents, she at first thought she was way too old to be adopted or to need parents but she quickly got used to being able to just being a teenager. - She and Zac were looked after by their grandmother in the Enchanted Forest and during the curse, she died a year after the curse broke, this is when the Charmings started fostering her and her brother, before they adopted them.- She’s very academic and has high aspirations to go to the nearby college to become a teacher like her mom.- When she was 17 she realised that she was in love with her best friend, like Love with a capital L, they eventually started to date and she realised that she’s a lesbian and that’s why none of her relationships with boyfriends felt right.- She’s very maternal and protective of all of her sibling, especially Zac and Emma.

Face Claim: Samantha Boscarino

Name: Zachary Stephen Charming (Zac)


Gender: Male


General Appearance: He tends to favour a t-shirt, jeans, and his football letterman jacket (pretty sure that’s what they’re called). The rest of the time he wears the leather jacket his parents got him for the first Christmas he was with them. He runs hot so used to wear shorts even in the snow until Cassie started saying “We get it, you’re straight” every time he did it so he stopped and dressed weather appropriately. He goes between having his brown hair fairly short and letting it grow a bit, he normally just swoops it to the side and it looks good. He has hazel eyes.


Personality: He’s really mellow and chill, he’s kind and fairly quiet in crowds of people he doesn’t know but it outgoing with his friends and family, he is a bit of a class clown. He’s kind hearted and tries to bond with his siblings in anyway they like best - letting Cassie style clothes on him or paint his portrait for art class, he plays with Emma and her toys without making her seem embarrassed over it, he lets Neal give rambling reviews on books to him and convincingly pretends he’s interested, and he helps Cole with his science experiments (which have been banned because they’ve made things explode 8 times). He’s protective of his friends and family, especially his younger siblings (Emma especially) Always wanting to please his parents despite them telling him that as long as he’s happy and safe then they’re happy.


Special Talents: He’s a quarter wolf which means that she turns every other new moon rather than every full moon. Very talented footballer and learnt how to sail from Eric. 


Who they like better: He tends to gravitate most to David, who teaches him loads of different things, they even fix up a car for Zac together.


Who they take after more: He’s very much like David personality wise, with Snow’s constant positive attitude, he looks as though he could be Ruby and David’s biological child.


Personal Head canon:
- He was the first one out of him and Cassie who could make Emma come out of her shell when they moved in there, when he was 15, he just started to play with her action figures until she joined in.- He’s an early bird, a trait which annoys half of his family to no end, and will often wake up with only Snow already awake, he takes the time to go for runs while the town is quiet.- He knows how to play the drums.-School’s a little bit harder for him than it is for his siblings, that being said he’s normally a B+ student as he’s not afraid to ask his mom for help with things he struggles with. - He’s pretty good at maths and physics and he claims it helps him with his football.

Face Claim: Froy Gutierrez

Name: Neal Robert Charming


Gender: Male


General Appearance: He wears comfy clothes, hoodies and t-shirts normally with skinny jeans or a sweatshirt, pretty much anything he can comfortably read in (he’s often found curled up with several books in the window seats around the house). He has dark brown hair and blue eyes, his hair is general a mop until he started to become more interested in boys and styled it more (he asks Cassie for advice on what to wear and how to do his hair as he’s nervous). 


Personality: He’s the quietest of the five kids, but that doesn’t mean that he’s necessarily shy, he just often gets caught in his head or caught in a book. Otherwise he’s funny and very intelligent, after getting up his confidence he eventually becomes very good at speaking in front of people after several speeches in school. He’s a natural leader when he speaks up about issues. He’s very mature and responsible for his age. He can be very sarcastic. 


Special Talents: He has magic, but he doesn’t bother to use it very often, he has a special affinity for water magic.


Who they like better: He’s a bit of a mommy’s boy, Snow seems to always have  a very calming presence so he tends to stick around her the most. 


Who they take after more: He’s very much like Snow but with David’s chill disposition. 


Personal Head canon:
 - He knew that he was gay from a very young age, by the time he was 6 he had announced that he would marry a prince not a princess (his sisters are both queer as are all his parents so no one batted an eyelid at him telling them that). - He can bake pretty well, his mama taught him, he often bakes cakes and brownies for the household. He and Ruby tend to catch up while baking. - He prefers healthy food like vegetables and fruit over things with sugar in them (he and Emma could not be more different)- His brother tried to teach him how to play football but he was terrible at it, he just watches games because he has a crush on one of the guys. He’s on the swim team and was very surprised to one day find his crush had started attending his swim meets. (he eventually has the courage to ask his crush out who turns out to have a crush on him too)  - He loves books, he has a million books and reads to Emma all the ones he thinks she’d like, when he leaves high school he goes to study Literature at Yale, he becomes an author like August and Henry. 

Face Claim: Logan Lerman 

Name: Cole Jacob Charming (CJ)


Gender: Male 


General Appearance: Whatever he throws on after finding it lying around on the floor of his room


Personality: He deeply values his privacy and hides a lot of things from his parents, like Neal he’s often in his own head and people in the town think he might become a villain but this is because he’s scheming or planning to build things to help people. He’s quite and kind at heart, he hides problems he has until he has no chance other than to reveal them like when his mom walked on him having an anxiety attack (before which he had hid them completely). He’s secretly very funny, a bit of a trickster, with a sardonic sense of humour. His sarcasm and sass could give anyone a run for their money.


Special Talents: He’s the only one of their biological children to have both magic and werewolf genes but he chooses not to use them most of the time, he says that he prefers science over magic, his mama gives him a bracelet 


Who they like better:


Who they take after more: He looks like his two mother but with his father’s blue eyes. He is fairly quick tempered in certain situations which he also gets from his father. 


Personal Head canon:
- He’s a genius, particularly in science, he’s always coming up with robots or mixing chemicals together or something in his room. - He and Emma are the troublemakers in the house, Cole often enlists Emma to help him pull pranks of people, despite constantly being told not to try and convince Emma to do so.-Only his family call him Cole, most people call him CJ or Cee, he doesn’t speak to anyone outside of his family who tries to call him Cole.- His middle name was his great grandfather’s name, when Ruby told Granny she cried, Granny claims that he gets his brains from her husband too.-He’s pansexual and has been dating someone for over a year without his family knowing, the first one to know was Emma as he introduced her to them, he eventually told his parents who were shocked but welcoming to his partner.- He and Emma were together when she was injured by George, she became deaf in one ear, Cole worked tirelessly and in secret to make a hearing aid which would work best for her giving her almost her old hearing range back, he used a little bit of magic for the first time in one of his inventions. 

Face Claim: Asa Butterfield

[tessatechaitea]

Dark Nights: Batman the Drowned #1

I can't wait to find out how Bruce Wayne got such a fantastic pair of tits.

"This is my wish! And I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back!"

The explanation for Bruce Wayne having magnificent tits occurs in a brief Narration Box where Aquabat thinks, "The gender roles are reversed here." I used the word "explanation" incorrectly in the last sentence. By saying the gender roles are reversed, does he mean the people who are women on Earth-Negative-Guys-With-Awesome-Tits are men on Earth-Main-Earth? Does that explain why he's a woman named Bruce? Or is he a man but men on Earth-Negative-Guys-With-Awesome-Tits would be considered women on Earth-Main-Earth? Am I using the correct pronoun for Aquabat? I can't tell because is being a woman actually considered being a man from his Dark Earth? Is that what he means by the gender roles being reversed"? My boner is super confused right now! Oh! Everything becomes clear when the flashback happens and this is taking place on Earth-Negative-Eleven and also when I check back to the panel I scanned to see that Bruce Wayne is actually called Bryce Wayne. Is Bryce a non-gender specific name? Is any name, in this day and age, non-gender specific?! Down with parental labels that force a person (and others!) into seeing them as a specific gender! That's the fight we should be fighting! Also maybe the fight against circumcision. Can that be a major fight too? Hello? Anybody? Babies being mutilated here! Anyway, now I have a question. If the Batman on Earth-Main-Earth is the Batman that Barbatos is obsessed with, why are all these Dark Earths, created by Earth-Main-Earth Batman's dark thoughts, not versions of Earth-Main-Earth? Oh wait! I have an answer to my question! Because Batjoker is actually the Dark Version of Earth-Main-Earth Batman. He just happened to recruit other versions of Dark Multiverse Batman before coming to the main universe. So Aquabat wasn't created from a stray thought of Earth-Main-Earth Batman. She was created by a stray thought from gender bent Earth-11 Batman! Okay, everything is straight now! Oh, I didn't mean that to sound like a micro-aggression! I just meant everything was back to normal! Oh man. That was a micro-aggression too, wasn't it? I just reiterated my implication that straight is normal! Batwoman on Earth-Negative-Eleven decided to kill all the bad guys just like the Batperson on all the other negative Earths. Apparently that's Batman's constant dark thought on every world in which he exists. He just goes around thinking, "Why don't I just kill all of these assholes? Stupid Bat-Rules." On this world, he killed them all because they killed his lover Catman. Not that Catman! Differently gendered Selina Kyle! His name was Sylvester Kyle and my boner is disappointed that Catwoman had to get the gender bent treatment. I want to see Bryce and Selina make out. And yes that means I want to co-opt their lesbianism for my own heterosexual turn-ons! We can't all be saints!

Is the trident regarded as a phallic weapon or am I picturing dicks incorrectly?

I know I have a lot of fun attacking bad writers and artists in a hyperbolic way but whenever I hear Jim Lee give an interview, I feel bad about complaining about his scribbles all over the art he does. I genuinely like Jim Lee so much that it makes me hate myself for every time I critiqued a piece of his art that I didn't care for. Even though my hyperbolic rants are meant to be taken as the over-the-top ridiculous rantings of a rabid comic book fan, I know many people take this shit seriously instead of absorbing the whimsical feeling I have while while writing it. And since I like Jim Lee so much, I have to confront the fact that I might even like Scott Lobdell or (God forbid!) Cullen Bunn! Maybe I should stop being so mean? I mean so directly mean! I can be indirectly mean by making fun of the comic book and specific pieces of art that I scan because there's something wrong with them (like the way every colorist always fucks up the stripes in the American flag)! What I'm trying to say is this: "Jim Lee, I love you and I wish you were my father." So Bryce transformed herself into Aquabat to defeat all of the Atlanteans on Earth-Negative-Eleven. You know the story from the past Dark Nights books. Batperson wins but still can't save the world. Batjoker arrives with the shuttle to Earth-Main-Earth. Everybody rides the train to funkytown. Earth-Main-Earth suffers horribly because the Justice League are terrible at saving the lives of people who don't get to be characters in the comic book. It seems it's okay to kill thousands of people nowadays and still finish the story with the idea that the good guys somehow won. Aquabat turns Mera into one of its drowned henchman and then Doctor Fate saves Aquaman. Couldn't he have gotten there a bit sooner and saved Mera too? Or just saved Mera, really. Nobody cares about Aquaman. Dark Nights: Batman the Drowned #1 Rating: Apparently I'm reading a different comic book than all of the comic book review sites on the Internet. According to the advertisement for Metal in this issue, other reviewers are saying embarrassing things like "Like a good guitar lick, it'll melt your face off." Who writes that and thinks it's clever? Worse, who reads that and thinks it's clever enough to be used as a review blurb?! Here's another good one because it shows they know all about the metal music genre: "Just hold on tight and ride the lightning." Since it's an Internet quote, I'm surprised they weren't asking us to ride the "lightening." It's as if these reviewers heard about the concept of this comic series and wrote their reviews on that! Because I agree with the review that said "one of the most viscerally exciting comics series to kick off this year." But I only agreed with it before I read all of these tie-in Dark Nights books! And I only agreed with it before I had to actually think about most of Scott Snyder's plot points! I mean, I still agree with it in that I love this kind of comic book shit! And I'll love it even when it's not as good as I was hoping it would be. It's just that I can't bring myself to laud something in this way simply because it gets the comic book nerd inside me erect. I expect the writing to give me that same visceral feeling! It's just that it never does. Especially these fucking Dark Knight Origin Stories that are all basically the same. I think to write the kind of glowing reviews that Internet comic book lovers write, I need to just read the comic book without writing about it, not think about it while I'm not writing about it, somehow maintain a boner through whatever means necessary while reading it (to, you know, keep my interest and keep some of the blood out of my brain), and then talk about it with a really stupid friend who can't get enough of all the comic books. Then maybe I'd walk away thinking, "That was fucking awesome!" It's also possible I'm simply dead inside.

[brownandebony]

FAÇADE

(Hello! Before you read it, you should know this is my first ever story I’ve ever written and am still working on it. You can find it on my page in my bio under the link writings. You can also find this story on wattpad. This is a teen fiction, so idk if this will be your thing. Anyways, this story is about all the bullshit in the world, from depression, anxiety, sexual assault, bullying, body shaming, slut shaming, family issues, religion related issues, homophobia, to everything that’s wrong in the world. I was just done with all the negativity and this came up. The only motives of this story is to promote love, humanity, friendship and to help people and tell then there’s someone who understands and is there for them. Reviews are very much appreciated.)

                                                Chapter 1

                                     "Not happy, Not sad. But Empty"

Cold breeze, dark sky, illuminating moon & rooftop. My contents of peace. Sitting there, looking all over the quiet neighborhood, I was thinking about nothing & everything. I wasn't alone. I had the company I've learnt to love the most. Silence. In all honesty, I forgot what my voice sounded like. During this long summer, I barely muttered a word. My mind wasn't quite though. It never is. In fact, sometimes it speaks so much, I think I'd explode. I'd love to actually. To end this whole cycle of silence, unnecessary breathing & heartbeats. But I won't. I won't give them the satisfaction.

Tomorrow marks the end of this peace. The silence will be forced to be broken. I'd have to walk those corridors and bare the harsh gazes & whispers. I'd have to sit in a room full of people, yet be alone. I'd have to defeat them in their own game & not be that person again. I'd never be that person again. Truth is, I don't want to be that person again.

The only satisfying thing about it all is that, everything would just last the duration of a year. After that, I'd leave everything that my life now composes of and never turn back.

I'm not sad. No. But I'm not happy either. Neither excited nor afraid. It feels like I'm numb. Devoid of any emotion in existence. Empty.

From about two years, I've been dreaming to runaway. I've fooled myself into believing that as soon as this last year of high school ends and I'm eighteen, I'd leave it all and never look back. But sometimes I think, how dare I? I may be able to leave behind these people and the surroundings, but how dare I even think I can run away from the memories? The haunting nightmares or the demons that chase me, when I know it's not possible? There will always be the marks.

The night air became unbearably chilling and it was getting late. Tomorrow was the first day of school, so I'd have to wake up early. Not that I sleep anyway. So I decided to call it a day. I stood up from my positions on the tiles and began walking over to my bedroom window, but something halted my feet. My demons. "What if I jump from this roof? Everything will be over for good. I wouldn't have to run away or wait for a year to do it. I'll finally be at peace". As tempting as that sounded, I forced myself to decide against it. During this summer of unendurably long days and thoughtful nights, I decided I will give everything a new chance. I will pull myself together and not let them win. I won't lose this time.

I climbed through my window to my bed. Sleep wasn't as easy to drown in though. I kept floating all night, swaying with my thoughts, watching the neon purple lights from the shop on the opposite side of the street casting mesmerizing shadows in my otherwise dark room. But it just wasn't the captivating lights or thoughts that kept me awake. It was the fear that if I sleep, the nightmares would come back and I'll be left out of breath and hopeless. So hopeless that every positive thought I mustered would scatter again & I'd be left alone to re-collect those pieces and re-build my already fragile hope.

I think I've heard this song already. I was laying on my bed, with my hair falling off the edges and headphones on, waiting for my cousin Cassandra to pick me up since twenty minutes. School is at a well off distance from my house but I didn't mind walking, rather I preferred it. But since I wasn't one to make my own decisions, I had the liberty to complain. To myself only of course.

Walking to school didn't seem appealing even when I dread riding in her car. I don't want to face her, nicely putting my real thought of not wanting to see her face. Yes, walking would give me time to myself but that's the least of my needs, when I have it all the time. I actually wanted to have my own car, but my salary from being an assistant in a music/book store mocked at my desire.

This is my last year with my mom, so I want it to be as less rocky as possible. Reason why, I didn't argue over her decision of Cassie picking me up. Also, arguing would honestly feel strange, when from the past few years, all I've done is either a bare nod when she talks or ignore her. Talking would feel really foreign.

As soon as I heard the horn, I scurried down the stairs and left the house. My mother was home, but I won't inform her about my departure, nor would she wave me goodbye, kiss my forehead, or wish me luck. It's just the way my life goes, and I've come at peace with it.

I could tell I was just as unwanted for Cassie as she was for me, so there wasn't a question of greetings. I was about to sit at the passenger seat, but something caught my eye and my empty senses felt something. That feeling which is the most prominent to me whenever I come across people. Anger. The person seated there was the one that made me loathe the ride in Cassie's car which I already hated. There seated was Logan. Cassie's boyfriend. I had to compose myself for the sake of Cassie, because no matter how complicated situations had become between us, I knew I didn't have the guts to hurt her. Maybe because she still mattered to me? I cursed myself to let me feel this way for her, but that's the way it is. At the same time, I'm determined to see that one day, when everything about this bastard would disclose.

I flattened my fisted palms and calmed my ragged breathing and took my seat in the backseat and we were off to school.

"BEAR!" Cass yelled in excitement as soon as she saw me come outside the door. She was the only one who could make me smile this big. "Bear" was her nickname for me, which only she called me with.

It was the first day of our 9th grade and we decided we'd walk to school together.

As soon as I saw her, we both clashed & crushed each other in a heart-warming hug.

"Cass! We met just yesterday but I really missed you. I guess the hug makes up for it." I loved her hugs, I loved her cheerful voice, I loved her in general. She was the only tie who was keeping me up with the world. She was the reason why I had friends despite being so lost & haunted every time. She was my strength & my motivation to live. Let's just say, she was more than just a cousin.

"Well, Hugs are the best way to greet. Without it, the start won't be good enough." Cass smiled all teeth. She clang our arms together and we headed to school.

I shake my head at the memory. I couldn't help but think about those times even when we came so far from it. From each other. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her, and it wasn't about pride either. She hurt me, and that more than anybody could ever do. Even more than him.

We soon reached the campus, and I got off the car the soonest I could. The air was suffocating inside. But instead of going into the building, I took my place at the grass below a tree with my sketchbook and began looking around for inspiration.

I love people. Not in a socializing sort of way, but because of these little things they possess that makes them 'them'. All those things that are oddly beautiful. That are the most intriguing. Those small things that they fail to learn the worth of. For example, that skinny blond sitting on the front steps of the school, looking at the clear sky which made the blue in her eyes shine in the most magnificent manner. Or that girl standing in the middle on the school fore-ground with an over enthusiastic but a genuine smile, straight black hair and heavy positive ambience. Even this well built guy leaning against his car, trying so hard to look cool, when his cute freckles make him 'him'.

My gaze constantly fell back on the raven hair and I just couldn't help it. She had a pull in her. A magnetic aura, warm & welcoming. She was just looking around and observing everything with what I can identify as pure excitement. She looked gorgeous, a little restless and clumsy by bumping on every passing person, but very charismatic at all. What actually knocked the breadth out of my lungs were her forest green orbs that were literally glowing. Those were hands down the most gorgeous pair of eyes I'd ever seem.

I decided on her and began sketching her as best as I could. I looked up from my sketchbook and down again with my hands constantly working, but the third time I did it, she was nowhere in sight. The only part of her that I couldn't get right were her eyes. Disappointment settled in me with the thought of this sketch never being able to be complete. But it wasn't my lack of artistic abilities that I didn't get her eyes right. In all honesty, I'm an artist of quite a caliber, because of having a habit to do it all the time. It was my escape from everything life threw at me. But it were her eyes. They held so much more than green to them.

I was having the urge to find her, look closely into her eyes and get it right. But she'd think I'm a creep. She won't understand the frustration of unaccomplishment that I was feeling. She'd think I'm some random lesbian girl throwing herself at her or as they say- A slut, a whore. If that would affect me is the question. I have become thick skinned to profanities as such. That's what happens to you when you get used to it. So used to it, because every single person you cross paths with, has at least once used it on you, maybe not at your face, but they did. Besides, I’m not a lesbian.

So, better late than never, let me introduce myself. I'm Barrett Gerber. A seventeen year old artist and the school slut.

I packed all my stuff and finally forced myself to get started with the day. As I entered, I took my time-table and stuff from the office and headed towards the locker assigned to me. I couldn't though. There were these people, seeming like the whole school population cheering, whistling and yelling 'fight-fight'. I only had one wish- to come across as less people as possible but life smashes this in face as if saying 'bitch, you thought'.

As I was tearing my way through the crowd, I was grabbed at several inappropriate places, much to my displeasure but a usual occurrence. I pried their hands off me kicking and punching my way through that crowd and was fully exposed to the scene in front of me. As soon as I realized what was happening, it didn't surprise me to a bit. There was this school jock Dave, holding a girl, maybe a nerd against the lockers, who, as far as I could see was a newbie, had black hair in a mess with her lips busted, and an all over pretty messed up attire. It soon hit. It was the green eyes.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make peace with a few things though I convinced myself that I did. Like being called the profanities because the words still stung, being touched and toyed disgustingly and bullying. I lied to myself because I don't want to be vulnerable again besides just because I'm used to it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore. Even though, I wanted to stay invisible to bare this last year before leaving everything behind, I was not letting this happen in front of my eyes. It wasn't going to be pretty, but I was ready to take it.

"Dave" As soon as the words left my lips, there was eerie silence. Whenever I wasn't alone in this school, there always happened to be quite a scene. I would be the center of attention much to my hatred and that's what's happening now. Loud murmurs occupied the silence and all eyes were on me. I hated it, but my mind was occupied with two very distinct things. First, how strange it felt to hear my own voice after so long. It was like I forgot how to speak before this moment. My voice is nothing like I remember. It contains no emotion now, nothing like a year ago. I sounded calm. Frighteningly calm.

Second- I won't let Dave hurt anyone even if it means I have to do something that most displeases me. To be the center of attention. To have all eyes on me. I am a confident person, trust me, but those eyes were cruel and judgmental. Some so ruthless that they undressed me with it every single day without a shame in the world.

"You have a pretty messed up idea of fun. Let the girl go." My tone was very calm, too calm to be normal but at the same time very threatening. It wasn't intentional though. Maybe all my thoughts were forming its own structure, because I sure wasn't trying anything. I held his eye contact and looked him dead in it. I could swear he seemed uneasy for a split second, but in the other, he laughed on my face.

"Why would she try to save this bitch's ass?" Dave mused to his friends pointing at me whilst laughing.

"Ah! Maybe now she’s a bi. Must wanna have the best of both worlds." As soon as Patrick, one of Dave's poesy member said, the whole crowd burst out laughing. I couldn't take this anymore. If I stayed, my control that's already wearing thin would die. I grabbed the girl's wrist, ignoring the whistling and hooting and began dragging her out of the circle we were in. There were many remarks made but a certain one made me halt my steps and tighten my grip on her hand.

"Once a whore, always a whore, yeah?" My blood was boiling. They were being successful in what they wanted to do. Hurting me. But I decided against showing that they had an effect on me. I was about to walk again, but the words reached my ears first.

"Don't have to comprise with that blackie, you can always fuck me." Dave's voice felt like I was lashed then salted all over my body. This was too much. The control I was having on myself was long gone. I turned around as swiftly as I could and gave Dave an uppercut punch and kicked him in the groin. He fell to the ground hissing coherent words while grabbing his area.

"You seem pretty fucked now. I hope you're satisfied." I gave him a tight-lipped sarcastic smile. I was walking off when he muttered "bitch" in a venom laced tone, so I decided bitch it is and gave him another kick at his spot. It wasn't like I was a trained martial arts ninja or something. I just took him off guard and was fairly angry and the combination worked for me.

"You can get your asses to work. Hate to say this, but show is over assholes." I spat at the respective audience with a very sweet tone and an even sweeter over-the-top smile. I felt a tiny hint of life with the confidence that I displayed. It felt good to take out some load of your mind. Maybe it really isn't Barrett like to hide in a corner just to escape everything with safety. I felt more me now. It felt good. I should've known better that I wouldn't be able to take whatever thrown at me. This felt so right but not enough to actually make me happy. Apparently, I was far from it. But I felt better.

The hallway was now clear except for me and the girl. When I turned, she had her jaw practically hitting the floor and was staring at me with wide eyes. She was constantly gazing at me and finally muttered a silent ‘whoa’.

"Barrett, Barrett Gerber." I broke the silence and let forward my hand for a shake. She looked down at my hand, closed her hanging jaw and shook my hand frantically and with the energy like she fed on electricity. I gave her a raised questioning brow. When she realized what I asked for, the bulb over her head lighted and an ‘oh’ left her lips.

"You, my friend are the real bond. Look at that style! Hyora, Hyora Gerard. That son of a bitch, anonymous bullying cunt. First commented filthy things about me but when he couldn’t take my sass, flipped on me. That bastard. I mean just suck it up I’m not interested in you, my standards are bloody high. I would’ve taken him down on my own, no biggie, but thank you for saving my ass" She rambled it all in one breath whilst shaking my hand.

"Nice too meet you Hyora." I said it as a well known fake courtesy. It wasn’t nice to meet her. She is of the worst kind. The over-enthusiastic, overly-happy, too nice friendly people who end up back-stabbing you. She reminds me of the last one I encountered of her sort.

"Thank you a million times. That, what you just did was SICK! Weird, isn’t it? My name? It means the fresh one, the one envied by everyone. It rare." She genuinely smiled at me. At this moment I envied her. How could she smile so effortlessly? Without even having to take a moment and just doing it like it's her reflex?

It was the most of an interaction I could bare. She sure seems like a nice person, all the more reason for me to stay away from her. So I just turned away & took off for my first class. I didn't even make a step properly when I froze in my track because of the girl’s voice who was now trailing behind me.

"I'm glad I made a friend on the first day. Lucky me, eh?" She said.

She may be one of those fakers or not. But if she isn’t, I wouldn't want her life to be the slightest like mine. She deserves better, better than me as a company and better situations than the aftermath of our friendship. I am no good for her and she is too good for me. Being near me will just ruin her. And even if I’d want her company, which maybe I do, she’d still eventually turn her back on me like everyone else does.

I shook my head and carried on to my destination. It may have seemed rude but in all honesty, this was the best thing I could do to her. She may start hating me or think I'm a bitch, but I don't care what it is as long she keeps her distance from me.

I'm no good.