#whenever i feel bad about not updating in a while i think of my fellow gardener grrm & am relieved that i haven't left yall waiting 9 years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

joe9cool · 2 years ago

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Collide-Justin Herbert-35

A/N : This is fanfiction, I do not know the Chargers or affiliate with anyone who knows the Chargers. You also don’t have my permission to post my stories anywhere else. Thank You

Things were going well.

Ever since that day where they left the hospital Sara was more receptive to Justin. She would come downstairs to help make him breakfast, they would talk about his therapy, and then they would go their separate ways. Once he was done with therapy he would run some errands that Sara asked,such as grocery shopping and other things.

Some days he would come up and drop off lunch for her and her family, who would talk to him. If Willa was there she would glare at him from her corner which pissed him off, but as long as she wasn't saying anything. He kept asking Sara to tell him if she said anything bad to her, but she kept insisting that she had been quiet. He didn't believe that but didn't want to press the issue. He had also met Alyssa's husband Brent, who was the coolest person he'd met. They'd spent an hour talking about sports and they had a lot in common since he was a fellow professional athlete. It was also clear why Sara liked him so much.

A couple of times she got home from the hospital early, and they would watch a movie in the living room, on separate sides of the couch, which he hated. Sometimes they would talk and he absorbed everything she told him about the place she grew up in. Justin had never so blind in his entire life, there was still so much to discover about the amazing woman in front of him. He also noticed she was more receptive to his touches. She didn't pull away when he would grab her hand or pull her in for a hug.

He had been in touch with his team and whenever they would bring up Sara he would shut them down. "It's none of your business." He would tell them. He had to admit, it felt good being carefree. Sara was right, people were going to talk, no matter what.

He had just gotten back from therapy, when Sara came down the stairs smiling. He was confused. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but aren't you supposed to be at the hospital?"

"I got home early, but I have some really good news." She was genuinely smiling for the first time in a while. He matched her face. "What's that?"

"They took my dad off the breathing tube." He let the words sink in before he spoke. "You mean he's breathing on his own?" She nodded, and without thinking, he grabbed her and skinned her around the foyer. "That's fantastic!" He set her down. "Are they assessing if there are any long term effects?"

He had been keeping Mitch updated and getting insight into the medical aspects of Mike's case. Justin supposed he could have googled it, but that usually went to the worst case scenario and he didn't want to think about that unless there was something to think about. He knew Sara had a meeting with her mom and sisters earlier in the week to discuss long term care options. (He wasn't stupid, it meant taking him off life support) Sara had come home that night in tears. Justin stayed up all night comforting her and they fell asleep in her bed. He woke up the next morning in a panic, thinking he overstepped his boundaries. But she didn't say anything, just carried on like normal.

It was killing him, he wanted clarification. She said she needed time, so that's what he was giving her. But one night they were strangers, other friends, then lovers the next. He was on the phone with AnnSophie the night before explaining all of this when she told him.

"Now being her friend, imagine what she felt when you were acting like this."

It was another harsh wakeup call. All that time he made Sara feel unsure. He was experiencing that now, and he didn't like that one bit. He wanted to ask Sara, but he didn't want to upset her while she was dealing with family issues.

Hearing this news brought hope for him as well as doubt. Maybe they could move forward, maybe they couldn't. What if she decided she didn't need him and told him to take a hike?

He couldn't think about that now, right now his only priority was Sara. Ashley had been calling, expecting him back in Los Angeles to discuss contracts and the team wanted him back for proper assessment of his shoulder. He had been out here for two weeks, longer than the organization thought he'd be. He told them that it had been a family emergency (technically it wasn't a lie) but now that it was out and open in the papers that Justin was with Sara for her dad the team didn't count that as family.

All he said was that he would be back when he would be back. Worst case scenario he would just go back to California for a week, then come back. However he was worried that he would be greeted with a fuck you from his love.

"Justin!" He broke from his thoughts and looked down at Sara. "Yes love?"

He smiled at the feeling of her shuddering at him calling her the pet name. "He isn't one hundred percent out of the woods yet. They won't really know anything unless he wakes up. There is still a chance he won't." He set her down and grabbed her face. "Let's not focus on that okay?" She nodded, and he pressed a kiss to her head.

"I also wanted to ask you something." He waited. "I'm going to the local dive bar in the area. My friends will be there, catching up on their lives. It's a private place, everyone is super respectful. Would you like to come with me?" Sara braced herself for the no but Justin was already one step ahead of her. "I would love to."

"Really?" He nodded. "Just let me know what time so I can get ready."

"Umm it's not until 7. I figured we could order food, eat and then get ready. It will be casual with a few drinks." He nodded.

Sara got the takeout menus from a kitchen drawer and spread them out. "Since you've been amazing making me dinner and being a big help, I'll let you decide tonight." He chuckled. "Wow, I'm so honored." She jokingly narrowed her eyes at him. "You should be."

He laughed and looked through them. It was all options he shouldn't be eating. But he'd been doing good on his diet and workouts, and he didn't need the cast anymore, so it was a night to treat himself. "What about this pizza place?" He pointed to the menu with the stuffed slices on there. Sara's eyes lit up. "Oh my god I love this place! It's the closest to Chicago style pizza! Have you ever been to that city?"

Justin smiled. "No, I haven't heard it's beautiful though." Her smile was contagious. "When Brent was drafted there I would always try to tag along when she visited on winter and spring break. We haven't told mom, but I would go out and explore the city by myself. Oh it's so beautiful at night!"

Justin was shocked. "Sara! She let you do that! That's so dangerous." She rolled her eyes. "Chicago is not bad. You just got to know what areas to stay away from. It's no more dangerous than certain areas of Pittsburgh or Los Angeles

He raised his eyebrows. Was she insinuating something? "I would love to go with you."

"Oh the food is great. You got Portillos,Giordano, Mario's Italian Ice. When I was getting any acting gigs. I almost thought about transferring to UIC." She sighed. "Sometimes, I think about settling down over there. Live in a nice condo overlooking the skyline. Maybe once I retire from acting."

"I would think you want to settle here. This place is gorgeous." She smiled. "Oh I sleep here, my soul is at peace. But I would like to test our living in different areas, you know?"

It made him think, was this future with him? "So I've been dealing with contract talks."

"Yeah?" He sighed. "They want me on a six year deal."

"Well that's nice. It will give you stability, and Los Angeles is close to Oregon." She started to write down the order before she called. "Do you want an appetizer or something?"

Justin smiled. "I'll take a Cannoli." Sara smiled and he knew what she was thinking. She had teased him the night she brought home cannolis from a local bakery in the Irvine area after their win against the Cardinals. He would never admit it, but it became one of his favorite guilty pleasures, other than his mom's chocolate cake and ice cream. Once she placed their order for delivery Justin decided to bring up the contract again. "Well I was thinking about the future, and where we could end up."

She looked at him puzzled. "We?" He nodded and walked over to her. "Sara, you are a part of my future, you know that?"

There was a moment of silence before she responded. "Let's talk about this another time." and walked away, leaving him mad. He wanted to talk about this now, but he decided against it. He didn't want to make her mad and start an argument. So again he pushed it off.

—------------------------------------------------------------

Sara was ready to go out. She felt ready.

The last time she was out, it didn't end good. But now that there was hope about her dad, there was no guilt about a night out with her old drama crew. Before she got ready she was on the phone with Erika, filling her in on all that happened. However, there had been a moment in the phone call that had her puzzled.

"Why is Justin with you?" Sara had just finished updating Erika on the status of her father and how her family was handling it.

"Excuse me?"

"I saw the photos of you two leaving the hospital all cozy, and then Heidi tells me you said not to confirm or deny anything."

She had her best friend on speaker as she was applying her makeup in her bathroom. "Since when do you speak with Heidi?"

"That's not the point Sara, I can't believe you took him back that easily." There was a frenzy in Erika's voice. "Erika, I didn't take him back."

There was a pause. "What has he said to you?"

"He wants me back, I kinda ripped into him about Taylor and all that."

Her friend sighed. "I don't know Sara, I think you shouldn't give him another chance. That's your problem, you're too weak." She was taken back

"Excuse me?"

"You're weak. You're gonna let him walk all over you again, and I'm gonna have to pick up the pieces."

"I'm not asking you to pick up pieces. You're supposed to be my best friend, that's what we do. Lord knows I have done it for you a million times." Erika was silent, and Sara knew she made a good point. "Whatever, just don't believe what he says. He's lying."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"When he's not around you call me and I'll tell you everything. Look, I got to go." She hung up. Leaving Sara confused.

As she was putting the finishing touch ups on her hair it was all she was thinking about. What did she mean by that? Deciding to postpone her thoughts until the next day, she finished getting ready. She looked casual in a nice long summer dress and heeled sandals since Justin was so tall.

She met him downstairs and laughed when she saw him in a form fitting Nike shirt and shorts. He smiled. "This is all I have that is considered nice. All the clothes you bought me are at home."

"I'm surprised you kept them." He frowned. "I couldn't throw them out. It'd be a waste of money, and you bought them. Deep down I always knew I couldn't lose you."

She smiled, but it was sad. "Too bad it took you three months to realize that." Justin grabbed her hand "I know."

Before he could say anything else, she grabbed her purse and said she would meet him in the car.

—------------------------------------------------------------

It was a small bar, a little hole in the wall filled with regulars. All who knew Sara, or at least pretended they did.

Justin felt out of place as Sara introduced him to her group of friends. They were from the drama club of her high school. All of them were the stereotypical drama club, with some having different colored hair, and piercings in spots he didn't know you could get. Truth be told, this was a group he couldn't see himself hanging out with in high school.

But as he got to know the group of six more, he was more relaxed around a group of strangers than some people he worked with. Her friend Ben was a huge Steelers fan, and gave him friendly shit which Justin laughed at. Her friend Hannah was fascinated by Hollywood, and was considering moving to Los Angeles.

"So Erika says hi." Sara said at one point. Justin didn't miss the way her friends negatively reacted. "I don't know why you hang out with her. Much less have her as your assistant."

"She's been my best friend since high school. You guys remember." One of the other guys, known as Ryder, snorted. "Yeah and there was a reason we cut her off."

Justin was curious. "What was the reason?"

Hannah rolled her eyes. "Erika was boy crazy. Tried to sleep with all the guys in our friend group, started major fights. Almost split us up. She screwed Sara over a lot too." Justin looked at Sara. "Really?"

"I don't like to talk about it. She dated a bully of mine. But we talked it out and that was a while ago." Now Justin may have been bad at romantic relationships, but friendships he knew that it was a code you shouldn't break. Plus he knew how she was, she wore her heart on her sleeve. The bullying that she faced plus with her family issues put her in the hospital and on antidepressants. This wasn't a write off for him. He grabbed her hand underneath the table and squeezed it. Sara leaned into him.

The group moved on to other topics. Justin found out that Sara was quite the opposite of his goody two shoes childhood. She snuck out to concerts, talked back to her teachers (Only when she felt an injustice) and even got into a fight. Justin's eyes widened at that one. "Wait, you got into a fight?"

Her friends laughed and she nodded proud of herself. Ben cut in. "I'm surprised you don't know about it. There were articles on interviews that the other girl, Monica gave to every publication framing herself as a victim. She bullied us all through high school till Junior year when Sara had enough, Monica 'accidentally' spilled her milk on her at breakfast." He looked at Sara who smiled.

"It was no accident, so when she walked away after making fun of my outfit I grabbed her hair and pulled her to the ground. Was worth the two day suspension." Justin laughed. He was embarrassed to admit that he was getting turned on at the thought of Sara getting mad and into a fight.

Once they had a few drinks the group split up. Justin and Sara were cozy in a booth in the corner. "Your friends are awesome." He kissed the top of her head and she hummed. "They are amazing."

"Why are you friends with Erika?" He had to ask. She looked up at him. "Because she's amazing. I know she did some shady shit in the past, but she dropped everything for me. She came to Los Angeles to work under me. We had a rocky start, but she's great now."

Justin was silent. He wanted to tell her about what happened when he ran Into Erika and what AnnSophie said. However, now wasn't the time. He and AnnSophie were going back and forth texting, and it was decided he would tell her when her dad got better.

They stayed like that in the booth, sorta rocking side by side with the music. Sara smiled as a song Justin didn't recognize came on and she began to sing

Isn't love so fragile and the heart so shallow Shatter with words, impossible to follow. You're saying I'm fragile, I try not to be I search only for something I can't see

I have my own life And I am stronger than you know

But I carry this feeling When you walked into my house That you won't be walking out the door.

"This song came on my phone when you left." He looked at her confused. So she explained. "After you left, the first night you came over. I was singing it, and I thought it was perfect."

"You really love Fleetwood Mac don't you?" Justin knew she did, but he didn't know how much. She nodded. "It was always me and my dad's thing growing up. When I took him to meet her I swear to God he told me how proud of me he was. First time he ever told me."

Justin shook his head. He hoped when her dad woke up that he would get a new chance to truly appreciate his youngest daughter. Sara adjusted her body to where she was looking directly at him. "I'm sorry." She stated. He was confused. "For what?"

"Looking through your phone, taking screenshots of messages with other girls."

She was ridiculous. He shook his head and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I gave you every reason not to trust me." He grabbed her chin to force her to look at him and even then, he didn't speak until her brown eyes met his. "Sara, I have never had a thing with Taylor after we became exclusive. I should have told you everything. I thought I was handling the situation when really I wasn't be honest." He felt her hand rubbing up and down his side. "I love you Sara."

She hummed, and before he could say anything else, she kissed him. He wasn't expecting it at all. She wasn't drunk, she only had one drink so far, and was nursing the other one. Justin decided to relax into it. Letting off a soft moan that shot electricity straight below his belt. She broke the kiss after a few moments. He was sure both of their lips were swollen by now. Sara took a deep breath. "I think I need some water." She laughed and he joined her. "I would join you, but I uuh." She looked down and laughed as he referred to his erection. "I'll bring you back some more." While he wasn't wearing the cast he still had painkillers.

He watched as she got up and went to the bar area where her friends were at. He smiled and touched his lips, savoring the feel of her lips for the first time in a while.

The door of the bar opened, and a group of douchebags came in. Justin could tell by their attire and how they carried themselves. The blonde, who was tall, immediately made a beeline towards the bar and sat next to Sara.

Justin was on high alert as Sara tensed. She knew him, and it wasn't in a pleasant way.

—------------------------------------------------------------

"Miss me sare bear?" Ryder smirked, and Sara's stomach turned.

He was one of the bullies in high school that would torture her, push her into things. When the drama section won the state championship and she announced her plans to attend UCLA Ryder made a Facebook poll asking if she was hot enough to make it out in LA. It was mostly their shitty friend group that included Monica. "Yes, I thought of you when I was working with Sydney Sweeney." She was his celebrity crush.

He smirked. "Cute. But I wish you would get your tits out. I bet they still look just as good in high school as they do know. You got a better face and lost some weight."

She rolled her eyes. "How did you know I was here? You always made fun of this place."

He smirked and when her water came he took a sip of it. "I have my secrets. Also when do you just drink water? Pandemic slow you down sizzler sister?"

Grabbing the water for Justin she just glared at him before heading back to the table where Justin was also staring at him. "Who is he?"

"An asshole jock who used to bully me but now wants to sleep with me." She didn't miss how his face scowled when she mentioned that. "Asshole." He wrapped his arm around her. Sara immediately felt better being engulfed in his large arms. They sat there for a while, enjoying the atmosphere and just people watching. Finally Sara spoke. "I missed this. I missed you."

Justin hummed. "I missed you more. As much as I tried to deny it, I need you. There is no one else for me."

As much as she wanted to enjoy those sweet words it got Sara thinking. Being in a bar made her think about the video he was tagged in on instagram. Where he was dancing with someone else. Also about the photos of him with Taylor, all of those things she said to Sara when they ran into each other at SoFi.

She tried to push that out of her mind as Justin kissed her. "Wanna get out of here?" She nodded. "I can't party the way I used to." Justin laughed. "I've reached my social limit." Feeling brave, Sara looked at him. "Do you want to go home and maybe watch a movie in my room?" She traced her finger along his chest and he shuddered, knowing a movie mostly led to earth shattering sex. It got him excited, not just because of the sex but the fact it was another step in the right direction.

He got up and told her to wait while he grabbed the car. As soon as he left the building she felt someone slip in next to her. She didn't need to look to see who it was. "Leave me alone Ryder."

"I just wanna talk. Catch up." He smiled. "Is that your man?"

"What's it to you?" He shrugged. "I'm surprised. You guys don't make a good couple."

She rolled her eyes. "Good thing I don't care what you think."

He laughed. "Come on, you know your friends agree too. In fact everyone knows he dumped you because of fame. "

"Well we worked things out, thank you for your concern." What the hell was taking so long for him to get the car?

"Also Biscotti, the girl he was seeing. Is way hotter than you." That stung, Sara looked away, just confirming that he hit a sore spot Ryder smiled. "Let's face it Sarebear all you have to you is money and tits. Blondie is tall, skinny, and knows her sports. She's the American dream, Herbert will marry someone like her. Where you are just a good fuck. That's all you are, someone to fuck."

Her phone dinged, and she looked at it.

Justin: I'm outside

Ryder saw his message and smiled. "Let's face it, no matter how hard you try. You will never be good enough. Taylor will always look better on his arm. Plus imagine she will be around him all of the time. Dude is gonna see that he made the wrong choice in choosing you" She got up and walked towards the door. Tears in her eyes she heard him yell. "Tell Erika to call me!"

—-----------------------------------------------------------

"Are you okay?" Justin was Startled when she abruptly got into the car and slammed the door shut, rattling the whole vehicle.

"Good, why do you ask?" She switched to innocent in the span of seconds. Justin knew better and saw past her acting. "Hun, you were happy when I left to get the car a few minutes ago. Sorry that it took so long, I had a call with my agent."

She looked straight ahead. What agent calls at 11pm? Justin stared at her. "Are you sure-"

"Yes I am fine, let's just get back to my house." He didn't miss the word change. Instead of arguing he put the car in drive and drove off. The whole ride, he tried to make conversation, but Sara was engrossed in her phone. The mood changed from the bar just a few minutes prior. "What's wrong?"

She looked up briefly. "It's my sisters updating me on my dad."

He frowned, keeping his eyes on the road and following the GPS. "We can stop at your mom's house, or the hospital if you like."

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine." The rest of the ride was silent. Once he parked the car in her driveway he looked over at her and was about to ask what was wrong, but she jumped out and was in the house in a flash. Cursing, he tried to get to her but she was already in her room with the door closed by the time he got in the house. He knocked. "Hey, did you still want to watch a movie? We could put it on in the living room." He didn't even care where it was, he just wanted to be close to her.

After a minute she replied through the door. "No I'm fine, I have a headache, that one drink really got to me. I'll see you in the morning."

Justin couldn't give up. "Sara, please talk to me. What's going on?"

The shower was turned on, and Justin knew he was going to be shut out. That was okay, they made progress. He would give her some space. In the morning he would talk to her.

—----------------------------------------------------------‐—----

Unfortunately when his alarm woke him up at 6am she was already gone.

Fuck. How the hell did she get up and get ready without waking him? He was a light sleeper, so he was sure she would wake him up. Sighing, he got ready to go to therapy. He was still getting calls from Ashley and Tom urging him to come back to Los Angeles for assessment. The Spanos family wasn't too happy that their star Quarterback was seeking treatment outside of the organization, especially since the team grades came out with a poor review of their trainers.

He kept putting it off. He didn't want to go back. He and Sara were seemingly making progress, even though right now it seemed like they took a few steps back.

After Justin got out of Therapy, he decided to head to the grocery store. It was only 11am so he figured she was at the hospital. As much as he wanted to go up there, Sara had told them it was high security because of her status. It was decided after fans and paps were outside the hospital that they needed to put more protective measures in place.

When he was at the grocery store he was getting more stares. Now people knew who he was and who he was involved with. He wore his mask, but his height easily gave him away. Justin knew people were recording him and looking at what was in his cart. He grabbed what he thought was a good dinner choice and quickly went through the checkout. The cashier was a middle aged man.

"You know I'm a huge Steelers fan, so I should be charging you extra tax." He was smiling so Justin knew he was teasing. He laughed. The guy continued. "You are a good player. Got a bright future in the league. Maybe you'll come over here since you got ties?" He knew the guy meant Sara

Justin smiled. He didn't want to say too much about his personal life. He also didn't want this guy going to a reporter and giving him "inside scoop" "Naw I'm used to Los Angeles."

Once the transaction was over and the man went to hand Justin his receipt he spoke again. This time it was low so know one else would hear. "Listen, we may not know Sara here personally. But she has done a lot for the city of Pittsburgh. Does a lot for the poverty here. Started a fund to pay for the struggling for food. We all love her and are very protective of her."

Justin nodded. He knew Sara did a lot of charity work and she didn't really like to talk about it. "It's not a good deed if you brag about it." She told him.

Once he got home and put all of the groceries away he decided to call his family. He'd been preoccupied the past few weeks since he left and hadn't kept his family updated.

He called his mom. "Justin! We saw the photos! Are you guys back together? People are asking and I don't know what to say. When are you coming home?"

Justin laughed. "Mom, slow down. I'm just helping her through this time. I mean," he didn't know how to explain this to his mom. "I'm still working on it.

"Oh. You two looked pretty cozy at some place last night?"

"What?"

"It's all over social media. You guys look so cute!" Justin would have to deal with that later. After explaining to his mom the situation at hand, he hung up. While he went to the garage to grab some extra cleaning supplies he saw Sara's car there. Weird, since she was gone. Her bedroom was empty.

Justin sighed. Deciding to shoot her a text

Are you at the hospital?

After a minute

Yes.

Let me pick you up in a few hours. It's important.

Okay.

Well it was a start. He sat down on the couch and began looking at videos of exercises his trainers wanted him to go over.

As he looked through the videos, a suggested popped up out of the corner of his side

Watch Sara Wozniak's Savage×Fenty debut!

Curious, he clicked on it. It was a compilation of clips from her sets. She looked gorgeous. He saw her in Chargers lingerie and he was turned on.

The comments were disgusting. Assholes described what they would do to her and he wanted to comment back the threats he had in his mind.

There was one comment that stood out

Too bad Herbert stood her up. My sister worked the show and said she was a mess when her man didn't show. Was said to believe he was coming.

His heart broke..

He needed to fix this.

A/N: Bit of a filler, but Happy 25th Birthday King!

#justin herbert #Alexa writes collide #nfl imagine

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thehoneyedhufflepuff · 4 years ago

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Fic writer asks -- 5 -- do you have an outline for BTL, and is it evolving as you go? And how long do you think the fic will end up being?

thanks for the ask!!! 💜

THIS IS INDEED THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION INNIT LOL.

so i don’t really do much traditional outlining really. I’m more what GRRM calls a “gardener” in that the story sort of grows as I go. (RIP this is why the fic is 200k+ now...but I honestly don’t know if I could tell this story in a more succinct way SO I WON’T.) Have I mentioned that when I first started BTL it was meant to be a little bookshop AU & that’s it? LOL. oops.

SO anyway sometime around chapter 5 (ish? maybe?) I actually wrote down a very rough outline of some emotional plot points that I very naively thought would be written relatively quickly (I made this list in...probably June 2019? haha). I dug that out for you because it amuses me. Here’s the first page which is all stuff that’s already happened so no spoilers really unless you’ve not already read the fic.

The second page though? Starts with this LMAO

& then I list some points, some of which are still valid & some of which I’m iffy on. Also? This was written before I realized that Dev & Niall would have their own story. Back when I thought they were Baz’s friends & confidants & nothing else. & then they showed me what was what & of course we (meaning me) had to weave in that story on top of everything else. BUT. That story has a profound effect on Baz & his anxiety & how he thinks about his own relationship, etc. And this story is fundamentally about navigating relationships when you have a mental illness that attacks the things that are most important to you. So IMO it’s at least marginally necessary if not extremely self indulgent.

Which was my way of saying: Do I have an outline? I had a bit of one. Did I follow it? Kinda in a very meandering way. Do I know what will happen? UH. The big things, YES! I know where we’re going emotionally, but what happens in between? We’re nearing the climax of the story. But I’ve accepted that it takes me a long fucking time to get to the point I need to get. (Yes, I do irritate myself sometimes, lol.) I have the climactic scene in my brain & it involves emotions & raised voices & rain & courage & the willingness to be vulnerable. I have a *potential* idea for something that happens that I haven’t decided on yet for after that scene. But whatever happens, they’ll be okay. I know the emotional note the story will end on. Also I have about 10k of a sequel written already so uh. Once BTL is finished...there’s that. Very self indulgent but y’all can read too if you want 🤣

Which brings us to the question of how long it’ll be? I have no idea. I’m really awful at estimating word counts, & with my chapters as long as they are, & the plot points that are left...I really don’t know. I absolutely would not be surprised if the thing breaks 300k. Hope that’s okay with y’all lol.

Anyway I should really work on chapter 21 huh? Here’s something I shared however many six sentence sundays ago from the beginning of that feat. middle-of-the-night sleep-ridden semi-confessions that Baz will be horrified about when he wakes up, surely:

🦖💛💙🦖

ask list

#asks #fic preview #fit idiot #bookshop bloke baz 🦖#between the lines #writing schtuff #whenever i feel bad about not updating in a while i think of my fellow gardener grrm & am relieved that i haven't left yall waiting 9 years

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago

Text

An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

--------

For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

-------

Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

#dead by daylight #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight imagine #dbd #dbd x reader #dbd imagine #silent hill #silent hill x reader #silent hill imagine #pyramid head #pyramid head x reader #pyramid head imagine #red pyramid #red pyramid x reader #red pyramid imagine

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nim-lock · 4 years ago

Text

Art Career Tips, 2021 Edition

Here’s an edited version of my 2019 answered ask, because... this feels relevant.

It is a problem of capitalism that folks equate their income as a judgement of their value as people; and let me preface. You are worth so much. You have inherent value in this world. Your income is not a judgement on who you are (plenty of billionaires are actively making the world worse). LARPing self-confidence will go a long way to helping you get paid more for your work, because clients will believe that you know what you are doing, and are a professional.

& real quick—my own background is that I’ve been living off my art since 2018. I went to art school (Pratt Institute). I work in a publishing/educational materials sphere, and a quarter of my income is my shop. Not all of this information may apply to you, so it is up to you to look through everything with a critical eye, and spot pick what is relevant.

So there are multiple ways of getting income as an artist;

Working freelance or full-time on projects

Selling your stuff on a shop

Licensing (charging other companies to use your designs)

This post primarily covers the freelance part; if you’re interested in the other bits there is absolutely info out there on the internet.

IF you are just starting (skip to next section if not applicable) dream big, draw often (practice helps you get better/more efficient), do your best to take "a bad piece” lightly. You’re gonna RNG this shit. At some point your rate of “good” works will get higher. Watch tutorial videos & read books. A base understanding of “the rules”; anatomy, perspective, composition, color helps you know what the rules are to break them. This adds sophistication to your work. One way you can learn this stuff is by doing “studies”—you’re picking apart things from life, or things other people have done, to see what works, and how it works.

Trying to turn your interests into a viable career means that you are now a SMALL BUSINESS; it really helps to learn some basic marketing, graphic design, figure out how to write polite customer service emails; etc. You can learn some of this by looking it up, or taking skillshare (not sponsored) classes by qualified folks. Eventually some people may get agents to take care of this for them—however, I do recommend y’all get a basic understanding of what it takes to do it on your own, just so you can know if your agent is doing a good job.

Making sure your portfolio fits the work you want to get

Here is a beginner portfolio post.

Research the field you’d like to get into. The amount people work, the time commitment, the process of making the thing, the companies & people who work for them.

Create work that could fit in to the industry you’re breaking into. For example, if you want to do book cover illustration, you draw a bunch of mockup book covers, that can either be stuff you make up, or redesigns of existing books. If you’re not 100% sure what sort of work is needed for the industry, loop back into the portfolios of artists in a similar line of work as whatever you’re interested in, and analyze the things they have in common. If something looks to be a common project (like a sequence of action images for storyboard artists), then it’s probably something useful for the job.

CLIENTS HIRE BASED ON HOW WELL THEY THINK YOUR WORK FITS WHAT THEY WANT. If they’re hiring for picture books, they’re gonna want to see picture book art in your portfolio, otherwise they may not want to risk hiring you. Doesn’t have to be 100% the project, but stuff similar enough. If you aren’t hired, it doesn’t mean your work is bad, it just wasn’t the right fit for that specific client.

If you have many interests, make a different section of your portfolio for each!

Making sure you’re relevant

Have a social media that’s a little more public-facing, and follow people in the career field you’re interested in. Fellow artists, art directors, editors, social media managers; whoever. Post on your own schedule.

Interact with their posts every so often, in a non-creepy way.

If you’ve made any contacts, great! Email these artists, art directors, editors, former professors, etc occasional updates on your work to stay in touch AND make sure that they think about you every so often.

Show up to general art events every once in a while! If you keep showing up to ones in your area (when... not dying from a sneeze is a thing), folks will eventually start to remember you.

Industry events & conferences can be pricey, so attend/save up for what makes sense for you. Industry meetups are important for networking in person! In addition to meeting people with hiring power, you also connect with your peers in the community. Always bring a portfolio & hand out business cards like candy.

Active job hunting

Apply to job postings online.

If interested in working with specific people at specific companies, you could send an email “I’d love to work with you, here’s my portfolio/relevant experience”, even if they aren’t actively looking for new hires. Be concise, and include a link to your work AND attached images so the person reading the email can get a quick preview before clicking for more.

Twitter job postings can be pretty underpaid! Get a copy of the Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines to know your rate. I once had a twitter post job listing email me back saying that other illustrators were charging less, and I quote, “primarily because they’re less experienced and looking for their first commission”. This was not okay! For reference, this was a 64-illustration book. The industry rate of a children’s book (~36 pages) is $10k+, and this company’s budget was apparently $1k. For all of it.

Congrats you got a job! Now what?

Ask for like, 10% more than they initially offer and see if they say yes. If they do, great! If not, and the price is still OK, great! Often company budgets are slightly higher than they first tell you, and if you get this extra secret money, all the better for you.

Make sure you sign a contract and the terms aren’t terrible (re: GO GET THE Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines)

Be pleasant and easy to work with (Think ‘do no harm but take no shit’)

Communicate with them as much as needed! If something’s going to be late, tell them as soon as you know so they aren’t left wondering or worse, reaching out to ask what’s up.

And if all goes well, they’ll contact you about more jobs down the line, or refer you to other folks who may need an artist, etc.

Quick note about online shops/licensing and why they’re so good

It’s work that you do once, that you continuously make money off of. Different products do well in different situations (conventions vs. online, and then further, based on how you market/the specific groups you are marketing to), so products that may not do well initially may get a surge later on.

Start with things that have low minimum order quantity and are relatively cheap to produce, like prints and stickers.

If you are not breaking even, go back to some of the earlier portions of this and think about how you could tweak things as a small business. Ease of access is also very important with this; for example, if you only take orders through direct messages, that immediately shuts off all customers who don’t like talking to strangers.

Quick resource that you could look through; it’s the spreadsheet of project organizing that I made a while back

Licensing is when people pay you for the right to use your work on stuff they need to make, like textbooks or greeting cards. This is generally work you’ve already made that they are paying the right to use for a specified time or limited run of products. This is great because you’ve already done the work. I am not the expert on this. Go find someone else’s info.

“I am not physically capable of working much”/ “I need to pay the bills”

Guess who got a hand injury Sept 2020 that messed me up that entire month! I had a couple jobs going at the time that I was terrified of losing, but they were quite understanding when I told them I needed to heal. So: Express your needs as early as you know you need them. Also do lots of stretches and rest your hands whenever you feel anything off; this will save your health later. Like, the potential of a couple months of no income was preferable over losing use of my hands for the rest of my life.

This continues to apply if you have any other life situation. Ask for extra time. Ask for clarification. If you tell people ahead of time, folks are often quite understanding. Know how much you are capable of working and do your best not to overdo it. (I am.. bad at this)

Do what MAKES SENSE for your situation. If doing art currently earns you less money than organizing spreadsheets, then do that for now, and whenever you have the energy, break down some of the tips above into actionable tiny chunks, and slowly work at em.

The original ask I got in 2019 mentioned ‘knowing you’re not good enough yet’. Most artists experience imposter syndrome & self-doubt—the important thing is to do your best, and if anything, attempt to channel the confidence of a mediocre white man. If he can apply to this job/charge hella money for Not Much, then so can you!

Check out this Art Director tumblr for more advice!

Danichuatico’s Literary Agent guide

Kikidoodle’s Shop Shipping Tutorial

Best of luck!

–

Once again disclaimer this post is just the ramblings of a man procrastinating on other things that need to be done. I’ve Long Posted my own post so that it turns into mush in my brain if I try to read it, but I wrote this so I should know this content. If you got down here, congrats. Here’s a shrimp drawing.

Yee Ha.

My reference post tag My tip jar

#reference #artist information #UHHHHH I don't know man

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limitlessgojo · 3 years ago

Text

Blood Bound: Blackened Bond (Ch 15)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Big White Lies

Next Chapter: 土御門天皇 (Tsuchimikado)

Tags: Kamo Noritoshi x Reader, Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife @lordguameow @track5enthusiast

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, and specify if you're okay with NSFW posts or not, please mention it in the comments below ty ❤

Chapter 15: Shadows Fall

You numbly sat down on your bed. The room was dark. Your Phoenix brand, silent, a dull sepia stain on your inner wrist.

It hurts a lot.

“He’s no different to the power hungry elders of this corrupt society after all huh.” You were disappointed. It was dumb of you to give your heart away to him. Especially to a man who was already planning on taking in concubines, this early into your “relationship”.

You checked your phone to see the notifications. Mai and Miwa were looking for you, saying that you have dinner out with them in a few minutes.

'Ah, that was supposed to be for tonight' you thought.

"Sorry can't go, feeling unwell. You guys go ahead." You texted back to them as you slumped on your bed.

After a few minutes your door slammed open. "Where have you been?!" Mai asked, but stopped talking upon seeing your red rimmed eyes. Miwa peeked out behind her. "Are you okay y/n?" She asked.

That question absolutely crushed you. You started sobbing again, not being able to hide your shaking shoulders. The two girls filed in and closed your door.

"We are ordering take out. Miwa go ahead and cancel that reservation. We will stay in tonight." Mai said. "Right!" Miwa worriedly replied as she pulled out her phone and made the call.

"I'm not here to baby you. You will tell me what happened, okay?" Mai demanded.

"I need a few minutes" everything looked so blurry through your tears, Mai and Miwa only looked like unfocused blobs of dark green and bright blue. Literally, the only way you could distinguish the two girls at this point was by their hair color.

They couldn't get much out of you other than you talking about how Kamo-san never liked you in the first place and how you pushed yourself onto him.

The girls held you as you cried. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. "But both of you looked great. I'm sure Kamo senpai really liked you though?" Miwa questioned out loud.

Mai just nodded her head. "I said it before already. Both of you act like you're so oblivious to each other's affections. But I do agree that you put more effort into the relationship. He always turns down your request for dates off campus. Even an outsider could see that."

"No, no it’s not that. You guys know how the big 3 clans operate. He just felt that I was a suitable wife to bear his heirs. They're jumping at the chance to use me to get a blood-manipulator jujutsu shi who may also possibly inherit my psychokinesis technique. I don't want to stay in a relationship without any love in it." You whispered.

Your voice was all gone after you sobbed for hours. The fight and energy just drained out of your body.

They couldn't say anything to that as it was your relationship with Kamo and not theirs. That night, they slept over in your room, the three of you squishing into your queen sized bed and plushies.

◇◇◇

On the other hand, Noritoshi had woken up from his nap, bedhead and red rimmed eyes and all. Clearly remembering all your painful words. He looked over to the side, staring at the Jade dragon pendant atop his bedside table. A small pink letter resting beside it, one that you had given him days prior.

‘Dearest Toshi,

You must be exhausted from all of your extra tasks given to you by your clan as of the late. I hope that it gets better soon, I’m here if ever you want to talk about it or if you need any help with that. My family and I are open to supporting you in your endeavors, though you haven't met them yet. Hiroki nii is especially excited to meet you, I can already see the both of you getting along quite well. Whenever you’re ready <3

Have a good evening.

Love, Y/N.’

He felt tears burn behind his eyelids.

“It was too sudden, I couldn’t even understand half the things she said to me earlier,” he murmured to himself. He racked his brain, trying to recall the things you said. It was mostly a blur to him.

Something about what he and his father talked about yesterday. That wasn’t an issue, it was mostly clan duties as per usual.

Also, how he never liked you. Well, he hasn’t confessed yet, but he couldn’t see why you’d bring that up out of nowhere when everything was still fine 2 days ago.

Concubines. The talk on concubines. Why did you- Oh. “... from yesterday” Noritoshi’s head was getting clearer and clearer. You must have misunderstood the conversation he had with his father, and left before it finished. It didn’t sound pretty now that he thought of it.

He had that single-minded goal of pleasing his father and the elders, but somehow you got tangled in the mess.

He sighed frustratedly. It always seemed to be the case with you jumping conclusions about him, didn’t it? Now he has to clear it up with you before it gets too bad.

◇◇◇

You woke up the next morning feeling and looking like utter shit. Mai and Miwa had to dress you up and drag you out of bed.

“There’s only one thing you can do now Y/N.” Mai said as she straightened out your collar. “Get over him.”

Huh. Easier said than done.

◇◇◇

There was a drastic change in your behaviour towards Noritoshi. The name "Noritoshi-senpai", that you had always cheerily called out, was replaced by a short and curt "Kamo-san" whenever conversation was necessary. Also, you don’t look into his eyes anymore.

You avoided him as much as you can, thanking yourself for knowing his schedule so well. Not hesitating to turn and go around in another direction if you ever saw him approaching from a distance. Because of this he rarely sees you on campus.

It hurt Noritoshi badly to see you act this way. He never realized just how warm you were with him until now that it was all gone. He tried to catch you during your breaks, calling out your name with the same tenderness he always had. But it was in vain as you ran away from him.

Todo and Momo wisely chose not to make any snide comments, upon seeing how downhearted Noritoshi was in the following days.

Everybody avoided eye contact with both of you if and when you had to interact. It couldn't be helped. The tension was like a fine piece of glass waiting to shatter.

The pain in your heart didn't subside at all. You've taken to staring at the mark on your wrist.

'Did I successfully reject our bond?' You wondered hollowly.

Sometimes you half expect your mark to start flashing wildly, like whenever you and Noritoshi have off days with each other. But this is the first time you've seen it so… silent.

You wrapped it up with more darker velvet strips and ignored it.

It was the opposite on Noritoshi’s end. He would lie in bed and stare at the mark that is dangerously bright red and hot. It almost felt painful, like someone was searing a brand onto his skin.

He wrapped it up in gauze bandages and put salves to soothe the mark. But it was never enough. He needed you back.

◇◇◇

During one afternoon, you just finished an English lesson with one of the windows who teaches at Jujutsu High. You stood up from your desk and turned to see the man outside of your classroom.

"Y/n, are you free for lunch?" Noritoshi had obviously sprinted as soon as his lessons had ended. “We need to talk.” All 4 of you looked up to see him outside the classroom, as composed as ever. But he looked terrible.

There were shadows under his eyes, and he seemed to have gotten thinner. The shitty side of you was cruelly happy. Good that he’s like this, because he lost his toy. Good on him. But your heart was sad, yelling at you to go back and take care of him already.

"Ah I'm sorry, but I've got lunch with the rest of the 1st year's here." You politely declined. Trying to school your face into a neutral expression.

"I insist." He firmly stated. He looked over to the other students. "You don't mind if I borrow her do you?"

You inwardly scoffed at his poor choice of words. The stupid arse still thinks I'm his belonging apparently. Something to be borrowed and used.

But Mai stepped up. "If she doesn't want to hang out with you then she doesn't." Miwa was fidgeting worriedly. "Now now." She started.

"I really wanted to have lunch with my fellow 1st years, if you could please excuse us Kamo San." You hastily uttered, pulling Mai's arms towards you while turning away. The other first years followed your lead.

But Noritoshi was determined. He quickly put his hand on your shoulder, only for you to slap it away and flinch from him. Everybody froze.

You were clearly trembling, which made Noritoshi lower his hand and step back. "I'm sorry y/n." Whether the apology was for holding you without your consent or for everything that happened, you painfully let it slide. Silently bowing to him, then quickly walking away with the others.

Noritoshi could only watch wistfully as your figure disappeared from his view.

◇◇◇

"The nerve of shitty men," Mai angrily stuffed her mouth with eggs from her bento. "Thinking they own women, that they're better than us. It was like this with the men in my family as well. Bullying and kicking aside the weaker women."

You sadly poked at your food. It was katsudon. You ordered it ahead of time from the cafeteria, wanting to perk up with a favorite dish. But today it tastes so bland. It wasn't the cooking that was off. Just that you had no appetite.

"Wouldn't you want to talk it out with Kamo senpai, y/n?" Miwa asked. Truth be told you were adding fire to the problem. You just dumped your anger on Noritoshi and kept rudely cutting him off before leaving him.

But your pride and broken heart didn't allow you to go back to him. "I don't think there's anything left for me to say or do to be honest. I'm not in the mood to face him. At all." You lied.

Mechamaru surprisingly spoke out, "Love is a fickle thing. And it's a fact that women are more in tune with their emotions than men are. But I think you won't regret it if you give him a chance. Kamo Noritoshi isn't a bad man."

Mai huffed. "Whose side are you even on?"

"There are no sides. Just two idiots who are madly in love with each other." Mechamaru dryly replied.

Your heart clenched, but you stayed silent, not denying the fact that even after you pushed him away, you still loved him.

"Let's talk about something else shall we?" Miwa hurriedly changed the topic and started discussing the homework to be done.

◇◇◇

Hiroki was both the best and the worst brother you could ask for. Because he chose this time to surprise you with a visit at Kyoto High, claiming he wanted to see how you were doing with classes and that he would stay for a while.

Secretly, he wanted to meet and gauge Noritoshi, only to find out that the both of you have just broken up. You brought him into your dorm room to have a chat and some snacks.

“WHA?! YOU- You ended things with your soulmate?! You were together for like what?! 4 Months?” His jaw dropped as you told him the entire story.

You gave a drawn out sigh. “Hiro nii, I’m done. Like… He… I dunno anymore. To be honest I broke up with him in the heat of the moment.”

“Tsk, you’ve always been led by your emotions. That’s why you’re so reckless half the time sis. You didn’t even try to talk it out with him.” He asked as he opened a bag of chips.

You stayed silent and reached for chips. Chewing and ignoring him.

“What’s with you and bottling all your pent up anger only to toss it onto the poor guy? Didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself.” he tutted.

You whirled on him angrily. “They just want me for my power. Then they’ll let him off with like a dozen women around him. What the fuck is there for him to explain?!”

Hiroki looked way too calm. “Who are 'they'?”

You paused. “The Kamo family.”

“Are you 100% sure Noritoshi was in this only to use you?”

“Like 99.99%...” you trailed off. Hiroki eyed you knowingly. “That 0.01 percent chance of him loving you. You considered it, even though that’s a small ass probability sis. But hey, that’s your man. If you want him out, our family’s got your back. I’ll beat him up for you if you need me to”

You shook your head at him.

Hiroki sighed, “Though with that concubine thing, I can see it happenin’. Clan heads are desperate to have a son with the inherited technique. The Gojo clan just got lucky with Satoru. We dunno if it’s normal in the Kamo clan though. But with you as his soulmate, he shouldn’t need any. Somethin ain’t addin up…” He got lost in thought.

“You won’t know until you talk with Kamo himself.”

You sadly continued eating your chips. “I hate it when you’re right.”

◇◇◇

The next morning Utahime urgently called for a full student body plus all available jujutsu sorcerers on site for a meeting.

You and Hiroki stumbled into the room, almost late, pushing against each other. The other students looked curiously at the man who was fighting you for space on the couch.

You jabbed him in the gut and put a leg over his. “Uhhhh y/n who is that?” Mai asked.

Your cousin shrugged your leg off of his, stood up and said his greetings, “Hello, I am Tsuchimikado Hiroki. Alumni here at Kyoto Jujutsu High. Semi-grade 1 sorcerer. Pleased to meet you all and thanks for taking care of my lil sis- ah I mean cousin.”

“Ohhhh” Miwa took a closer look. You noticed Noritoshi glancing over at you. Todo walked up to him and pointed a finger, “Tsuchi’s relative? Then what woman is your idea-”

You used your technique to immobilise Todo and forced him to sit down in a daze. “Sorry for my rudeness, senpai. You can have that convo later.” You knew it would take too long if this starts again.

Hiroki looked affronted, “It’s rude to point bruh.”

Utahime clapped her hands to gather your attention as Principal Gakuganji appeared on the podium.

“Thank you so much all for coming into this meeting on such short notice. Especially to the alumni and other available Jujutsu sorcerers. Let's get straight to the point: I am here to announce that War is coming.”

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

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heybeybey · 4 years ago

Text

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Summary: Forced to retire from the Scouts due to a major injury, Levi thinks he'll be spending the rest of his days in domestic solitude. Petra, however, has another idea.

Loosely based on The Way of the Househusband.

Or: Captain Petra x Househusband Levi canonverse AU

AO3 Link

A/N: Okay I've had this outlined for WEEKS (no ending in mind tho) but I never got around to actually drafting it. But....... I had some time this morning and the inspiration after seeing this post so yay.

Thanks to @sleeperswakewriting for introducing me to The Way of the Househusband. It's cute and funny and DEFINITELY RIVETRA in another universe.

This is going be a drabble series btw but no assurance on when I'll be updating each chapter (My Royalty AU draft is glaring at this fic rn tbh). Some chapters will be based on the Netflix show but Levi's condition is a bit different from Tatsu's so it'll probably be loosely based at best.

And yes, the title is from the song My Girl. But I like this version since I think it fits Petra the most :3

Also also, we all know deep down that Levi wants to be a househusband so here you go.

- - -

Chapter 1: The Ceremonies

There was a time when his mind wandered to how his career in the Scouts would end. Levi always thought he'd die on the battlefield, just as he witnessed among his comrades. He'd accepted that reality, sometimes even waiting for it despite his will to continue fighting on.

For some reason, retiring has never crossed his mind.

"Honorably discharged due to major leg injury, incomplete spinal cord injury, and loss of right eyesight."

He can still hear the pity and sadness from Erwin's voice from that day in the hospital when they talked over where he will go from there. The doctors mentioned that his spine will heal over time, but his leg is broken way beyond repair. It's worse enough that amputation was considered at one point. He'd be good as titan food should he retain his current position in the scouts.

At first, he wanted to scream. He wasn't the type to show some outwardly emotion (except for when he's beating down new recruits or the three males in his squad) but being a part of the Survey Corps is what gave this shit of a life some meaning after he was pulled out of the underground.

Frankly, he didn't know what's next.

"Hey, Captain." Petra's sweet voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts and he forces himself to get out of his bad mood. This was her day and he'd be damned if he ruins it for her.

Levi takes her in and the corner of his lip quirks up. He feels pride fill his chest as his eyes strays a bit on the insignia freshly pinned on her uniform.

"I think I should be the one calling you that, Ral." He replies. "Congratulations."

Wheelchair-bound for what may be the rest of his life, Levi and his squad had to sit down and talk over what's next for the Scout's elites. The obvious choice was Eld, but Levi and the rest of the team were surprised when the blonde man turned down the promotion. He says that while he had the leadership skills and the years of experience that makes him more than qualified, he knew that he didn't have the same burning dedication to the cause as much as he'd witnessed in others.

Eld said that he'd be glad to support the next team captain instead. Oluo, while skilled, had often been too focused on his kill count. Gunther has a strategic mind but didn't really have the charm to bring people together.

So they all turned their attention to Petra.

To be honest, Levi had always wanted to promote Petra as his second-in-command. However, Scout regulations demanded a certain number of years that she didn't have yet at the time he first chose his elite squad. He'd never had a problem with Eld, but his and Petra's ability to synchronise on the battlefield is the reason why he'd always turned to her when he needed a second hand.

It makes sense in his eyes and to the rest of the team, even when Erwin and the other soldiers were doubtful of his choice. They've seen how ferocious Petra is during expeditions, but still had the heart to cry alongside her dying comrades. She's kind and helpful, but knows when a hard decision is needed to be made. She'd pitched in her ideas and opinions every time she accidentally passed by the officers' meeting sessions (she always brought them tea so she sometimes hear the conversations). This was often met with a surprised look from her higher-ups but having worked with Petra for quite some time, Levi would just smirk at his fellow veterans.

She's still rough around the edges and she definitely still has more room to improve, but the potential is there. He wouldn't have chosen her as part of his team in the first place if he didn't see that fire.

He wasn't surprised that Eld, Gunther and Oluo supported her, even when Petra was terrified to accept such a responsibility. Levi was firm in his decision.

In the end, Erwin stamped on his approval.

Levi was the one who pinned the insignia on her signifying her new position during today's pinning-on ceremony.

- - -

"Hey, Captain!"

"I think you should stop calling me that, Petra."

"Sorry. Habit." The ginger blushes slightly as she steps closer inside the apartment, basket in hand. "I bought something for you."

She brings out a few fruits from the basket, laying it down on the dining table in his humble apartment. "The farmer's market was on sale today and I had the chance to pass by before they closed."

"You didn't have to buy me all these, Petra."

"I had to use my pay raise for something, Captain," she jests. He wheels himself towards her to assist her with unloading the basket and they both work in silent contentment.

"So, how's your first day?" Levi asks after washing the fruits. Petra's face lights up at his question and the whole room seems to come alive as she chatters on.

"Holy Maria, Captain. I didn't know the team can be this stupid. No wonder you had dark eyebags after training us for years!"

- - -

It's been three months since he resigned from the Scouts. The new captain never fails to come home to the apartment he's renting near the Scout HQ everyday.

Come home? Tch. How delusional can you get.

He'd welcome her back every expedition and every training day. A part of him feels a bit of guilt gnaw on him when he sees how tired Petra is whenever she comes home, thinking of the time when he was her direct commanding officer.

"Captain, can I sleep here tonight?"

Now, he sees the sorrow and fatigue in her eyes. "You're always welcome here, Petra."

He offers to give up his bed for the night but she declines, saying that she'll be fine on the couch. She's unnaturally quiet, but he knows that this is how she typically is after expeditions.

They're both on the couch right now and she snuggles closer to him. Levi motions for her to lay her head on his lap, their boundaries thinning with every single visit.

He's quiet when he sees the tears start to fall from her eyes. Soon, Petra's sobbing and she wraps her arms desperately around him. His hand starts to slowly run through her ginger locks, hoping it gives her some comfort.

"She was the last in my and Oluo's batch." She starts, voice shaking and he gives her space to talk and mourn her comrade. "I wanted to save her... but it was either her or compromise the mission. I had to give the order."

"I'm sorry." Because if someone understands her better, it's him.

- - -

"Levi?"

It's the scout's day off today and they're all allowed to leave the vicinity to visit friends and family, or simply just to fuck around if they wanted.

Petra, not surprisingly, decides to spend another weekend with him.

"Hmm?" He's currently preparing their lunch, wheeling himself around the kitchen area.

"Did you ever think about settling down when you were still in the scouts?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her question. "And leave a widow crying on my grave? I didn't even have the time to date, Petra."

And he didn't even want to date someone else. Not when he kept having wet dreams about his own subordinate at that time.

"Well, you have a chance now, right?" Petra starts to help with laying down the dishes on the table. He looks at her, eyes taking in her body language. She's doing that thing with her hands again where she tries to occupy it with things to do whenever she's nervous. She's too tense for this to be some absent chatter.

"Just spit it out, Petra."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always here. In this apartment. Whether I'm back from training or meetings or expeditions," she starts. Levi wheels himself forward to grab their food from the small kitchen but he attentively listens to each of her words. Seeing that he won't be replying, Petra decides to continue.

"I like coming home to you, Levi. And I'm still devoted to you." Petra nervously says, the redness on her cheeks intensifying. Levi feels his heart thump at her last sentence. He stops what he's doing and looks straight into her amber eyes, the same moment as she reaches out to delicately hold both of his hands. "I'd like to continue doing so... if you'll have me in another way."

Bold as ever is the first thing that fondly came to his mind. He feels emotion start to climb up his throat but he never wavers in staring back at her. The next thing that came to mind wasn't exactly a thought, and the answer leaves his mouth with a certainty he didn't know he had.

"Okay," he quietly replies. Not much of a talker, as usual. Still, his sure answer was quite a surprise to the both of them.

Was it loneliness? That fear that he'd most likely die alone because of his automatic ability to push people away? Maybe it's some deep hidden desire to live a domestic life with someone—something that he allowed himself to fleetingly dream of while he was still in that underground hellhole—that he has since accepted wouldn't be in his future.

Until now.

He and Petra decided to have a shotgun wedding that same afternoon.

#rivetra #rivetra fic #rivetra fanfic #levi ackerman #petra ral #rivapeto #levitra #shingeki no kyojin #aot levi #aot petra

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qvnthesia · 2 years ago

Text

(a) this isn't a bad one, i promise

cross-posted on AO3

First of all, THIS IS NOT A STORY-ENDING ANNOUNCEMENT.

Feel like I should repeat this...

THIS IS NOT A STORY-ENDING ANNOUNCEMENT!

*phew*

With that said, the reason I've put this up here is to give you, my fellow readers, an update about my stories and my insufferable life in general. Again, this is because I'm constantly receiving quite a lot of asks regarding updates. And while I am quite grateful for your anticipation, I haven't been able to deliver lately, and I truly apologize.

1. My physical classes have resumed and they are incredible yet tiring. I'm exhausted by the time I reach home. I simply have to study more these days, which doesn't let me take out time for writing.

2. I'm being pulled into different fandoms (star wars and wizarding world and marvel), and yes, this is entirely my fault. These fandom pulls have generated a massive number of ideas of which I'm having an incredibly hard time of keeping track of.

3. My life, in general, is currently what I can describe it as quite literally 'meh' and... yeah, it's been mentally stressing and bad, downright bad. I'm going to admit, I've been crying a lot, putting up tons of excuses for my behaviour which is not at all valid, at all. I've been feeling miserable and for the first time in my life, I took a day off from classes because I felt like shit. And I felt even more shitty because that was the first time I took a holiday for being so mentally degraded and I kept berating myself because of it.

I just wanted to put all of this here because, yeah, I haven't been updating at the rate which I used to before. I updated quite regularly a couple of months before now and right now, it's just nothing over here, which I again deeply and sincerely apologize for.

Let me make one thing clear — I am NOT abandoning my stories. I intend to finish each and every one of them, even the future ones (yes, behind-the-scenes writing is also going on).

This place is my happy place. I love writing. I want to continue writing. Even as I grow up, I'm going to have to let go of a lot of things in life but writing? No way in hell.

So, yes, long story short — updates are incoming, but they are delayed, and will be delayed for sometime. Again, I deeply apologize if this news has utterly devastated/ruined your opinion of me, it's alright, even I'm a bit mad and sad at myself. It's just how life is and... yeah, that's all I've got.

But while I may seem to be inactive here, I am very much active on my Tumblr and Twitter, especially Tumblr. I'm open to any requests you have (I've already received a Klaulena one and an Elena x AndrewGarfield!Peter Parker one which is currently being written). I talk and reblog a lot about TVDU and Star Wars there so yup, if you guys have anything, ANY QUESTIONS, please do feel free to send me an ask and I'll gladly reply. If you've got any requests too, that's also fine, I'm currently accepting requests as well.

Till then, I'll keep writing whenever I'm able to find time/make out time. Updates are most certainly coming, but they're delayed.

Thank you so much for reading. I'm sorry if this sounds like a bit of a mess, my thoughts are entirely jumbled and this is just everything of them. I'll be deleting this part in 36 hours from now.

Please take care of yourselves! Stay safe and have a wonderful day/night ahead of you <33

♡ Quinn

P.S. I am only present on Tumblr, Twitter, and Fanfiction.Net and not any other site (i think I THINK) under the same username.

#life update #writer life #life #writing #archive of our own #just an update in general

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loki-hargreeves · 4 years ago

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Bucky x Reader - She Will Be Loved

Warnings: terrible date (being ghosted), fluff, fighting (combat), being held at gunpoint, being trapped, hypothermia, vulgar language, mentions of death, hurt/comfort sort of, more fluff Word Count: 8,8K (I tried to keep it under 4K but I can’t control myself) Summary: You have feelings for Bucky that you have pushed aside for too long, in a fear that having feelings for your colleague would be a distraction for you as an Avenger. After a terrible date, Bucky comforts you. The two of you get cozy and you say things you soon regret. You talk things through a few days on an icy mission, when you get trapped together in a sticky situation. Song prompt/Listen to: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 Author’s Note: This is for @nekoannie-chan ‘s writing challenge. I hope you’ll enjoy it! I’m so excited to write for Bucky again. It’s been too long. I’m sorry if it sucks, I procrastinated way too much while writing this. #bucketdeservesbetter

THIRD POV

It had been well over twenty minutes since the artificial intelligence system had informed the people at the compound that Y/N had returned. Whenever the garage was used, it would let others know. Oftentimes, no one really thought much of it. The updates and messages from the system were something the Avengers and the other people working at the compound had grown used to.

When Bucky realized that she wasn’t anywhere to be seen, he wondered if she could still be in the garage. Was she alright?

He didn’t want to pry because he knew that her business was none of his business, but he knew that she had been out on a date and she had returned quite soon.

Eventually, he decided to go and check on her, just to make sure she was alright. Whether or not he liked to show he cared, he did. Probably more than she’d ever know.

When Bucky entered the large garage, he heard the faint bass vibrations. Was she listening to music?

There she was, sat in her car with a sadness washed across her face. She just sat there, leaning against the car seat as she surrounded herself with a minor tune. Clearly, things hadn’t gone well.

To make his presence known, Bucky tapped on the window.

She seemed to snap out of a daze. Quickly, she turned down the music and lowered the window, so they could hear each other speak.

“Everything alright?” Bucky wondered, already knowing the answer.

“No,” Was all she could say. Earlier, she had felt like screaming her lungs out in frustration. Now she felt like one push was all it would take to make her cry. Why did everything always go South when it came to her life? Why did Bucky have to see her like this? Out of all the people on planet earth.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He wondered and desperately tried to find a way to comfort her. Even if it was just as friends, he wanted to be there for her, like she had often been there for him. He was angry that whoever her date was had left her like this. If he had a chance to treat her right, he would never do this to her. He quickly wiped those thoughts away, knowing damn well that having feelings for her, his team member, a fellow Avenger, would only cause trouble.

Y/N leaned over to the passenger seat door and opened it, “hop in.”

And so he did. Bucky walked around the car and then sat inside it, closing the door gently. It was just them now, where the other Avengers couldn’t eavesdrop on their conversation or walk-in at a bad time. Now that he sat in the car, he could hear the melody she had tried to turn off. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his tongue on it. Bucky assumed it was a more recent melody. He had a lot of catching up to do.

‘...I don’t mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain...’

“What happened?” He wondered and faced her properly. When he saw the glossy tears in the corners of her eyes, his heart tightened in his chest. It was terrible to see her like that.

“He ghosted me,” She cracked a smile but it wasn’t a happy one, “I waited at him for an hour and then he texted me, saying he couldn’t do it.”

Bucky barely knew of this man, but he already hated him. How could anyone ask her out and then not show up when she was already at the location? In Bucky’s mind, the man was merely a coward. She deserved better.

“I’m sorry that happened,” He didn’t know what to say. Bucky used to be smooth with his words, but these days he found it hard. Luckily, she seemed to understand.

“Well, it is what it is. At least I know not to contact him again,” She tried to see the positive side of things. That was an admirable trait. It was also why- in Bucky’s mind - she spent time with him. Despite all the terrible things he had done as the Winter Soldier, she stayed by his side.

Y/N changed the song and turned the volume on a little bit higher, trying to fill the silence. By now, she felt slightly better because she wasn’t drowning in self-pity. But she was nervous because Bucky was next to her.

Bucky, the man that made her heart do somersaults. The man she had dreamed of so many times but would never let anyone know of. It was almost like fate was tormenting her by putting such terrible dates in her path when she ended up speaking with Bucky at the end of the day anyway.

She decided to add to what she said, “I’ll get over it.”

“It’s okay to upset, Y/N,” Bucky remembered when she had said the exact same words to him before. He often bottled things up, because he didn’t like to put his problems on other people’s shoulders. But she was always willing to listen to him.

“Yeah,” Was all she could say. She felt silly for being upset over a failed date. She felt as if she should’ve expected this. After all, she was an Avenger. Normalcy wasn’t destined for her. Despite how much she yearned for connection, or perhaps for someone to make her feel good for one night, it never seemed to go well. Perhaps some day she would learn to expect less from the world.

Bucky tried to think of something that would cheer her up. “Have you eaten today?”

“If you don’t count the breadstick I ate at the restaurant, then no.”

It was his chance to take her mind off of things.

“I was thinking about ordering some takeout. It’s convenient when it comes all the way to the front door, and it might be my cheat day as well.”

The light lit in her beautiful eyes. “That sounds nice, Buck.”

She turned off the engine and the music stopped. Together they climbed out of the car and made their way to the elevator, that would take them inside. As the elevator doors closed, and she stopped right next to Bucky, she smiled. It was nice to know that he was there for her, but she felt bad for thinking of him as more than a friend.

“What do you want?” Bucky wondered, already thinking about his own order. He had heard of a new pizza place that opened nearby and perhaps he could try their menu.

“I don’t know. What are you thinking about?”

A smug smile spread on his face, “New York-style pizza,” he turned to face her. “Nothing beats that.”

She should’ve known he would say that. “Why am I not surprised?”

“What? You know I’m right,” He said confidently.

All she could do was to roll her eyes playfully. He never failed to make her smile.

“I can’t argue with you on that,” Y/N admitted. To her, pizza sounded great. Especially after the terrible date she had, if she could even call it that.

Less than an hour later, they were sat in one of the many common rooms in the compound. They didn’t have a mission for that day, or for the next as far as they were aware of, so they decided to enjoy the little time they had off. It wasn’t that late yet, so most of the other teammates were busy finishing their tasks, which meant that Bucky and Y/N had a few moments to spare just for each other.

The pizza arrived and Y/N had already logged into Netflix to find a movie for them to enjoy. The team often found comfort in watching movies together, because for an hour or two they could focus on something else than their own issues and lives. A little bit of escapism never hurt anybody.

They decided to watch Focus, with Margot Robbie and Will Smith, a movie that seemed action-packed and fun. As long as it was entertaining to watch, they were happy. The main focus of the night was the pizza anyway.

Bucky took a decently sized bite of the warm pizza, and some of the cheese threatened to slip off it and onto his lap.

Y/N, who was watching from the side, quickly grabbed the topping that was a second away from being one with his pants, and she ate it herself. “You have to watch your food.”

“How can I watch my food and the movie? I might have superhuman powers but I still have just two eyes,” Bucky explained the obvious.

As they ate the pizza and focused on the film, time passed faster than they could comprehend. They sat next to each other, and Y/N was beginning to feel tired. It had been a long day and she had been on an emotional roller-coaster. Despite how fun the movie was, she felt like closing her eyes for just one moment.

Bucky didn’t realize how tired she was until he felt her leaning against him ever so slightly. As he turned to look at her, he noticed that her eyes were closed. She looked adorable like that, but he wasn’t going to say it out loud. He didn’t dare to move a muscle, afraid it would make her wake up or move away from him. Knowing that she felt comfortable enough around him to fall asleep just like that melted his heart.

It didn’t take long until her head slid closer and closer to him until she was resting against his shoulder ever so comfortably. At that point, Bucky swore he could feel his heart trying to beat through his chest. He wondered if he should wake her up, or if he should let her sleep. Would she be upset for missing out on the movie?

For now, he didn’t know what to do. He grabbed the remote that was nearby, paused the movie and then took a deep breath. As much as he loved being like that with her, he knew it mustn’t have been nice to sleep with pants on, sitting upright on the couch.

Before he could try to wake her up, the opened suddenly and no other than Sam walked in, Natasha and Steve closing in from behind.

“There you two are! We’ve been looking all over for you,” Sam explained. He hadn’t realized that Y/N was asleep.

She opened her eyes, startled by Sam’s voice. When she realized that she had made herself cozy against Bucky, she pulled away and felt her cheeks burning from embarrassment. How did she let herself doze off like that?

Natasha had a knowing look on her face, but she didn’t point anything out. They had definitely noticed how close they had been.

“Why? Is everything alright?” Bucky ignored how startled Y/N looked, and he focused on what Sam had said.

Sam sat down next to Bucky and glanced at the screen. “No. It was just weird to not hear from either of you. Thought you sneaked off without us,” he explained with a bright smile.

Steve and Natasha sat down as well. They noticed the empty pizza boxes and drinks.

“What are you watching?” Steve wondered. He had never seen Focus before since he had plenty of other films on his watching list.

“Focus,” Y/N muttered, now wrapped up in a blanket. “I fell asleep, I have no idea what I missed.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky reassured her. “We can play it from the beginning if you all want to watch it too.”

Yes, it was fun to spend time with his friends elsewhere than on the field, it also stung a little bit. Spending one on one time with Y/N was rare these days. He hoped that she wouldn’t distance herself again after getting comfortable with him. She had a tendency to shut people out once they got too close to her. Bucky couldn’t blame her. He knew damn well how harsh one’s own mind could be sometimes.

“Sounds good to me,” Natasha shrugged and waited for the others to voice their onion as well.

Just like that, all five of them watched the movie right from the very beginning. During the entire time, Bucky and Y/N would steal glances from one another. They didn’t speak of it, but they both thought about what happened.

It was funny when Steve would make supportive comments of the main characters, who were thieves and the others would tease him for it. Ever since his ‘language’ moment, people hadn’t cut him any slack.

At some point in the movie, the main characters Nicky and Jess were in the car. They had just won a gamble, and they were talking about they had subliminally planted the number 55 everywhere. At first, the scene was harmless. They were having a great time, and it even lead to a kiss.

Despite how much Y/N liked the movie, the thought of being kissed and held like that made her long for it even more than before. It had been too long since the last time someone made her feel such bliss. Her mind got the best of her, and she wondered when Bucky had last kissed someone. Despite how much she could tell about other people and read them like open books, he was a tough person to crack. She had no idea.

Suddenly the atmosphere changed in the film. Nicky made the driver stop the car, and he handed Jess her part of the money they won. They both seemed upset. When he implied that their ways had to part, as the job was done, Y/N felt bad for the woman. She knew damn well how hard it was to love someone when they were both on the same job. Feelings just complicated things.

The man left the car and ordered the driver to take her to the airport. Everyone in the room watched quietly as he left, and she was left alone in the car with tears in her eyes.

It reminded Y/N of where she had been a moment ago; swimming in a pool of her own misery while jamming to She Will Be Loved, by Maroon 5 in her own car. Then Bucky had shown up.

“That’s tough,” Sam was the first one to make a comment.

Bucky had also thought of Y/N when he saw that scene. He wondered if that’s what she had felt when she had been left alone at the restaurant, waiting for someone who never showed up. Once again, he felt angry as he thought about the man who had let her down. He couldn’t wrap it around his head that someone was lucky enough to spend time with her and they would leave her hanging like that. It was wrong.

“Why would he leave her? What a coward!” Natasha was irritated. She knew it was merely a moment that would ultimately deepen the plot, but it still agitated her.

“He might’ve known that catching feelings for someone you work with isn’t easy,” Y/N let the words slip out of her mouth before she could stop herself. If she had watched it with anyone else, it would’ve been okay. But these were Avengers. Natasha was an excellent agent and it didn’t take a genius to pick up the trace of sadness in her voice. No one wanted to mention it, but everyone seemed to notice it.

Why do I have to open my mouth? Y/N thought to herself and wished she would have disappeared into the couch.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Steve asked something rather harmless. “How did you date go?” He tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Bucky shot his friend a glance that told him to be quiet about it. But it was too late.

“It didn’t even begin,” Y/N answered vaguely. She didn’t really want to talk about it.

For the rest of the movie, she felt tense. Although she was sure everyone had moved on from that topic, she couldn’t. The moment the movie ended, she excused herself and rushed to the safety of her own room.

The door closed behind her and she let out a deep breath. The day had been humiliating and all she wanted was to take a shower and fall asleep.

A few days later, they had a mission. They left in a hurry, and they were filled in with the details as they were all geared up and in the quinjet. They were on their way to Alaska, where it would be cold since it was winter. In the remote wilderness, the satellites had picked up signals that weren’t supposed to be there. The code that they received from that was worrying.Tony even suspected that it could lead them to an enemy they had been tracking desperately for weeks now.

Y/N and Bucky were supposed to go in from the West side of the suspected enemy location, as Sam, Steve and Natasha would go in from the other side. They had the others ready for backup if it was needed, but so far it seemed like something they could handle just fine. They were unsure whether or not they had civilians locked up there, so they had to be careful. They were supposed to meet in the middle and take care of any enemies that would get in the way.

Being teamed up with Bucky was usually fun, but right now Y/N dreaded it. Although they worked well together, she had avoided him since the movie night, in fear that she had made a fool of herself. Not only did she fall asleep against his shoulder, she also had to open her big mouth and make things awkward.

“See you soon,” Natasha waved to the duo as their paths separated. Y/N and Bucky landed in the snow that was hard and icy because of the weather, the contrary of the soft snow that had coated New York. They hadn’t spoken much on the ride yet, but it was impossible to avoid now.

From a distance, they could see the base. It was half disguised by the snow on the roof, but from ground level it was obvious. It’s like they didn’t even try to hide as they had their flags on the poles, letting anyone nearby see them. Admittedly, they were in the middle of nowhere and no random people happened to pass by any time soon.

One thing was sure, this was definitely their base. These people were dangerous, armed and evil.

There were a dozen armed guards on the outside, who hadn’t spotted the Avengers that had slowly crept closer and closer. Their weapons said it all. Whatever or whoever they were hiding was valuable.

“It’s cold,” Bucky tried to ease the tension between them by talking about the weather. He was worried that he had said or done something that made her uncomfortable. If so, he just wanted to make things alright again.

“We better make our way inside fast. I’m sure it’s warmer there,” She tried to sound casual - as if they weren’t in a situation that could potentially be life threatening. That was their life, their normal. She realized that her dates could never understand this.

But Bucky could.

As they crawled closer to the base from behind the trees, hidden by the safety of the night, they noticed how small the windows were. They had to go in through a door, or somehow squeeze through the small, certainly bulletproof windows.

“Hey,” Bucky wanted to face her. He was usually great at focusing on his missions, but this was his chance. It was just the two of them now.

Nervously, Y/N faced his blue eyes. It was hard not to get lost in them. Even in the dark, they were so bright.

“Are you okay?” He asked her and felt his own heart beating a little bit faster. The way she looked at him was something he would never get used to.

“I’m fine. We’re here, on a mission, where we belong,” She decided to stay focused. If she let herself get distracted now, it would end up in chaos.

Bucky dropped it. He knew that she would open up to him eventually if it was important.

They were close enough to take out the first few guards. They would have to be silent, so they wouldn’t alert anyone.

“You go in from the right, I’ll go left,” Bucky gave her the order with a soft voice. It was the natural next move from their point of view.

Y/N simply nodded and got ready. She had to take down two guards. One was closer to them and the other one had just walked behind the corner, to the other side of the huge building. It was a perfect opportunity to strike.

She got up from the icy ground ever so silently. Before the guard could notice her, she leapt at him without any hesitation. The startled man tried to yell, but she wrapped her strong arms around his throat and he knew damn well that one wrong move could end his life. He shut his mouth, afraid that if he spoke, she would kill him.

“Do you have a key card?” Y/N asked him and steadied her feet on the ground. She expected him to try and fight her, but she was prepared for an attack

Slowly, but surely the man grabbed something from his pocket. At least this one was cooperative, but it didn’t make up for the terrible things he stood for. She watched as he pulled out a few keys and cards, dropping them all on the ground. Satisfaction flowed through her veins. It was always nice to have something useful on missions like these.

To avoid wasting time, she squeezed his windpipe hard and felt his body tighten as he panicked. Quickly, she put him out of his misery and dropped him on the ground. Y/N collected the keys and put them in her pocket, and then she made her way to the direction of the other guard. He hadn’t heard her, which was a positive.

His back was faced toward her, and he couldn’t see or hear her coming as she sneaked closer to him. Once Y/N was close enough, she grabbed him from behind, and choked the air out of his lungs.

This one didn’t comply as well as the first. He tried to squirm away from her touch, but she had a good grip. Suddenly, he managed to switch things so that they both fell on the ground.

“Oh no you don’t!” Y/N groaned, annoyed that she let it happen. Then she rolled over above him and punched his face, knocking him out instantly. Once he was unconscious, she used his own handcuffs to cuff him against a flag pole. Just like that, she was done. She wiped the snow off her hands as she stood up.

She noticed Bucky had been watching her. Why did he smile at her? He had certainly been quick.

“I got the keys,” She let him know and patted the pocket gently, so he could hear them. Taking down the two guards had made adrenaline rush through her body. The mission, despite its dangers, excited her.

“Great. Let’s go, shall we?”

They made their way inside the base without being noticed. As they walked further inside through the dim corridors, Y/N wondered how the others were doing. She thought it was strange how little resistance they met. Surely, they would’ve been noticed by now.

Bucky was thinking the same exact thing, which was why he was so cautious. He had been on missions long enough to know what when things seemed too good to be true, it usually was that way. He hated letting Y/N walk in first, because she was at greater risk of being injured. But he wasn’t going to doubt her abilities now. He knew damn well she was capable of handling things herself. When he saw her taking down those guards, he was still just as impressed as he was when he first saw her in action.

“That’s weird,” Y/N whispered when she saw a door that was wide open. It looked like it led to a cold room. She noticed that deep inside the room, there were several metallic doors that were shut. They all had small windows on the top, but they were frozen so it was impossible to see to the other side. Were they some sort of chambers?

By glancing at Bucky once, she let him know where she was going. He just nodded and let her walk inside. As she did that, he stayed on the outside to keep watch. Something told him that they weren’t as safe as it seemed. Call it a bad gut feeling.

Y/N noticed how cold it was the moment she stepped inside the room. She was happy she wore her winter gear, but the cold still crept through and slid underneath her shirt, sending icy shivers down her spine. Her breath was foggy, and the cold air hurt her nostrils. She looked around the room and noticed a surveillance camera in the corner, but the lights weren’t on. Nevertheless, she avoided it. Better be safe than sorry.

That’s when everything changed.

One of the closed doors opened and a man walked out with a gun in his hand, pointing it directly at Y/N. “Hands up!” He growled angrily, alerting Bucky who had been facing down the corridor. Without any hesitation, he was ready to bolt in there and aid her.

Being held at gunpoint wasn’t new for Y/N but she was careful nevertheless. It was a good opportunity for her to take in all the details she could from the gunman. He wore a white lab coat, heavy boots that looked like combat boots. Was he a scientist? Ex-military, perhaps? He was older than her, perhaps nearing his 60’s, judging by the grey in his beard and hair. His face was incredibly familiar, but she wasn’t quite sure where she had seen him before.

Knowing that Bucky was nearby made her relax as she raised her arms. “You don’t have to shoot me,” Y/N tried negotiating with him.

Nevertheless, the angry old man walked closer to her. The tip of the gun was shaking. Was he afraid or just cold?

“Are you alone?” The man wanted to know.

“Yes,” Y/N wasn’t going to blow the cover of the others.

As if on cue, Bucky stormed inside the room. The man barely had time to react to it as suddenly Bucky grabbed his wrist and forced the man to drop the gun. As Bucky took care of him, Y/N kicked the gun away so no one could reach it and use it.

Within seconds, Bucky had the guy pinned down on the cold floor, ready to break his windpipe for daring to point a gun at the person he cared so much about.

As Y/N stood by, she heard another pair of footsteps coming from outside the cold room. When she turned to look, grabbing her own gun so she could defend herself and Bucky, she saw a masked person. They were tall, with a slim build. The mask was white as snow and it had no details.

“Stop!” She demanded and pointed the weapon at them, but it was too late. The person slammed the metal door shut and she heard a click, indicating that it was locked.

Her heart bolted to her throat as she ran to the door and tried to open it, realizing to her own horror that it didn’t even have a handle from the inside.

The man Bucky had pinned down on the ground began to laugh, “We’re never getting out of here alive!” What the hell was that supposed to mean?!

Stay calm, Y/N told herself over and over again in her head. The others knew their location. They were going to be just fine.

“The temperature will keep dropping until we’re all icicles,” He continued to taunt them with the horror of their situation. Why didn’t it scare him? Had he already accepted his fate?

“Do you have anything useful to say?” Bucky sounded so intimidating now, speaking with no mercy or warmth in his voice. If it wasn’t for the terrible situation, Y/N would have loved listening to his voice like that. It was undeniably quite sexy of him.

Clearly, the man wasn’t going to cooperate.

And Bucky wasn’t going to listen to his nonsense. Instead, he did what he had done to the other guards and left the man’s body on the ground. He might’ve been unconscious, but if what he said was true, he too would die in this place.

Being locked up in a giant freezer didn’t bring back any warm memories to him. He walked to the other end of the room and banged on the metal wall. Nothing happened, so he hit it again, much harder this time. He tried to find a weak spot so he could get out of there with Y/N. Bucky tried the corners of the room, and eventually he ended up by the door.

Y/N tried to push the door open, but it was useless. She kicked it, and searched for buttons - anything - on the inside that could help them escape the huge freezer. There was absolutely nothing she saw that would’ve helped them. The room was like a metal box, which meant their devices didn’t work. There was no way they could contact anyone outside the room, and no one could contact them. The bangs on the metal only echoed loudly, but certainly didn’t help them escape. That freezer was built to contain even the strongest of people. It was almost eerie how much it resembled something they would find at a HYDRA base. Could they be connected?

One thing was for sure,

They were trapped.

“Well this sucks,” Y/N kicked the door out in frustration. Shooting at it would’ve been reckless, since the material would only make the bullets ricochet and endanger them furthermore. A rotten feeling bubbled in her stomach. If she had been more careful, they wouldn’t have been stuck in that sticky situation. Who was that masked person anyway? Why would they lock them in there, when one of their own was there as well? It didn’t make much sense. Perhaps these people were simply ruthless enough to risk their own in order to win in every situation. The thought of it made Y/N uncomfortable because it meant their enemies were willing to do terrible and unimaginable things.

As she turned around to face Bucky, her heart dropped. He looked troubled, almost afraid. He never looked like that on missions. She realized that the cold room must’ve reminded him of his days at HYDRA.

“Hey,” She rushed over to him.

He couldn’t face her. Bucky felt his anxiety rising and he didn’t want her to see him like that, so afraid. It made him feel pathetic. Would she judge him? He quickly knew that she would never judge him, but he didn’t feel much better anyway.

“It’s okay, the others know we’re here. I’m sure they’ll come through that door soon enough,” She tried to comfort him.

Bucky knew that she was right. He tried to focus on facts, that they weren’t alone and that it was possibly to rely on the others for help. He had relied on himself for so long that it was hard to trust that other people could help him. Right now, they didn’t really have a choice.

Her hand was right against his back, which was comforting. Bucky relaxed his shoulders and faced her with a gentle smile. Although his lips barely curved up, she saw it. Every smile from him was like a gift.

They had to stay warm. It wouldn’t be much of a problem for him, as it would for her. If what the man said was true, it would get colder the longer they were there and Y/N was in real danger of getting hypothermia.

When he looked at her, he noticed that she was already shivering. It broke his heart to see her like that.

“You’re right,” He cleared his throat. The others would find them. They had to be patient.

For now, they could try to find clues on the man who was unconscious on the ground. As far as they were aware, the metal doors were locked. Besides, they didn’t lead anywhere. It looked like the man had used one of the small rooms as a hiding place when he had heard them in the corridor earlier. What those tiny rooms were originally built for, Bucky wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. It looked like a row of tiny prison cells.

Bucky knelt down beside the body and began searching through his pockets. All of them were empty. Soon enough, he let out a disappointed sigh. There was nothing useful to be found, but it was worth checking out.

As he faced Y/N the next time, he noticed that she had wrapped her arms around her own body. He too noticed it was getting colder, but the serum protected him from it, for now. He knew how to make her warm, but he wasn’t sure if she would like it. But if it meant it would help, he had to suggest it.

“You know, if we stay close to each other, we’ll stay warmer for much longer,” Bucky let her know.

Despite how freezing cold it was, Y/N felt how her cheeks heating up. She knew he was right. They could benefit from each other’s body warmth.

“Bring it in,” She tried to act cool about it as she opened her arms widely. Bucky couldn’t hold back a smile as he wrapped her in a hug. It felt nice, despite it all. Awkwardly, they sat down on the ground and huddled closer to one another. Now all they could do was wait.

“You’re warm,” Y/N noticed. Perhaps it was because she was as chill as a snowball, she still found Bucky warm. She wondered if the serum made him that way, or if another person was truly radiating so much heat in the cold.

Bucky was glad she couldn’t see his flustered face at that moment. Her head leaned against his shoulder and she was staring at the door, waiting for it to open up any moment now. He held her tightly and hated how good it felt. If only the circumstances were different.

“It’s the serum,” He eventually replied.

Once again, it was just the two of them - the unconscious scientist was left out of the count. They couldn’t avoid each other now. They had all the time until the door would open, to discuss things. Anything, as long as it would keep Y/N awake. The cold had a tendency to make people drowsy.

“Sam will never shut up about it if he sees us like this,” She realized, saying it with a hint of playfulness in her voice.

Bucky silently agreed with her. He also knew that Sam knew of Bucky’s feelings. Sam was one of the very few people who Bucky had confided in. Sure, it had been a while since he told Sam that he cared for Y/N as more than just a friend, but Sam definitely remembered that.

Feeling brave, Bucky decided to test the waters. “Why have you avoided us since the movie night?” He was fully prepared for her to change the topic immediately, and he wasn’t going to push her buttons if she chose to do so.

Didn’t he really know?

Y/N felt bad for what she had done. She truly thought she had made things awkward, but perhaps she had been over-thinking it.

“I thought I made things weird,” She admitted.

Weird? Bucky furrowed his eyebrows as he felt confused. He thought about it for a moment and remembered how she fell asleep against his shoulder. Was that it?

“What do you mean?”

Y/N felt nervous now. Although it was difficult to talk about it, her feelings and all that, she decided to go for it. There was a slim chance the others wouldn’t find them until it was too late. The temperature in the room was plummeting, after all, and they couldn’t break out of there.

She wanted to talk about things.

“When I said that thing about catching feelings, and how it could make things hard,” She hoped she wouldn’t have to repeat herself, that he could recall the moment.

It felt like a light bulb lit above his head.

What was she implying? After pushing his feelings for her aside for so long, he was almost scared to even consider she could feel the same way about him. He had watched her go on dates several times and come back, disappointed. Every time, he was there to help her. Bucky wondered why she would put herself through that, but if she cared for someone, it made sense that she’d distract herself.

Bucky couldn’t let his mind go that far. There was no chance she cared about him the way he cared about her. Surely, she had been upset because of the date who never showed up.

“Why do you see these people?” Bucky was genuinely curious. It felt wrong to question her love life. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d do if he was in their shoes. He would treat her like the wonderful person she was. Bucky would stop at nothing to make her feel good about herself, to feel beautiful - inside out. In his eyes, she deserved to be loved. Even if it meant she’d find someone else.

“I don’t know,” That was a lie. They both knew that.

“You don’t know?”

“It’s complicated,” She corrected herself.

How long had they been there? It already felt much colder and her shivering was beginning to get uncontrollable. Bucky felt bad for her as he held her closer, feeling every tremble of her body against his. What he feared more than that was when she’d stop shaking.

Y/N’s fingertips felt like they were freezing over. It made her sick to her stomach when she couldn’t even bend them properly anymore.

Bucky noticed that and he was quick to grab her hands into his, which was much warmer. His flesh hand was so warm against hers. Since his metal arm was quite obviously cold, he had her hands pressed against his stomach and he covered them with his hand. They were safely sealed away from the cold air.

It felt amazing when his warmth spread across her skin.

Either the cold was getting to her head, or she was otherwise losing her shame and willpower. Her heart was screaming at her to tell Bucky about her feelings. Other times she would silence that voice as well as she possibly could, but now she listened. Would it be so dumb? Was she imagining things or did it seem like he wanted the conversation to go there? Perhaps she was finding too much comfort in his embrace. It was bizarre how quickly she succumbed to the cold. One moment she was fine, and now she was trembling away in Bucky’s arms. Without a clock or anything else that made the passage of time clear, it was difficult to tell how long they had already been there.

Five minutes?

Ten?

“Bucky?” She made up her mind. She would deal with the consequences if they made it out of there alive. Surely, he would be fine but she wasn’t so sure about herself. Bucky was the one with the serum.

“Yeah?”

“Do you really want to know why?” She kept the sentence short. It was so cold that it was hard to move her mouth as she spoke. Inhaling the cold air, oddly enough, felt like swallowing fire.

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t expected the conversation to go like this.

“You can tell me if you feel comfortable with it,” He hoped he hadn’t pushed her.

“I am,” Y/N nodded. Her heart was racing by now. It couldn’t believe that its tiny voice was being heard. “When I said t-that catching feelings for someone you work with is...isn’t easy, I was talking about how I certainly don’t know how to deal with it.”

Bucky was shocked. Was he hearing right? He didn’t know what to say.

She decided to continue, “I’ve tried to ignore this for so long, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” As she spoke, her feelings got the best of her. After bottling up her feelings for so long, letting them pour out was overwhelming. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She blinked, and one of them rolled down her cheek. It froze within seconds against her skin.

“Hey,” Bucky noticed it as he looked down. They faced each other and all Y/N wanted to do was to get lost in those eyes. Why did they have to get trapped in this room? Why didn’t she do a better job at keeping watch? She blamed herself for being in this situation. The thought of anything happening to Bucky, and knowing he was locked there which certainly put his mind to a terrible place, made her feel so guilty.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly. She didn’t want to cry, but it was hard not to. Keep yourself together!

Bucky couldn’t let go of her hands, but he wanted to wipe her tears away. He wanted to hold her differently, to cup her face, but he didn’t want her to get colder. He just couldn’t believe his own ears. For all that time, they had both been hiding the fact that they cared about each other so much.

“We can talk about this later if you want to,” Bucky noticed that she was struggling.

She shook her head no, “If I freeze to death, you deserve to know that I really like you. You’re wonderful, Bucky.”

She said those words with such sincerity that it melted Bucky’s doubts. Although her words were slurred, he found the truth in it. He felt like the luckiest person in the world, knowing that his feelings weren’t one-sided. The joy was short lived as he focused on the other half of her sentence. The sharp pain was quite the opposite of the moment of happiness. It was bittersweet.

“You won’t die here, Y/N,” he was quick to reassure her, although by now, he felt freezing cold as well. He wanted to tell her about his feelings as well, but he wasn’t sure how, when her eyes were closing slowly but surely. This drowsy stage was only going to get worse.

“Stay awake for me, okay?” Bucky grew worried at the sight of her. Earlier, she had been shaking violently in his arms and now she began to relax. He knew she was beginning to feel warm, which was a dangerous sign of hypothermia. “Y/N, please,” He tried to make her focus on his voice.

It was so cold, yet she felt a sense of warmth coming from deep within her body. It came suddenly and it was almost too hot. A part of her wanted to open her jacket, but she knew better than that. Although she felt warm, she knew it wasn’t true. Her temperature was dropping at a dangerous pace. Bucky’s body felt so soft, and she wanted to stay awake but it was so tempting to fall asleep. It was hard to think at this point. How much time had passed?

Ten minutes? Twenty? She had no idea. It was all becoming one big mess.

Bucky was terrified of how calm she was. He had seen enough in one lifetime to recognize these symptoms. Hell, he had felt like her so many times before. He tried to stay as calm as he possibly could in this situation as he held her. He rubbed her hands so she could focus on the pattern and possibly stay distracted enough to stay awake. Bucky knew the ground was frozen cold, so he pulled her on his lap, making sure she was as warm as she possibly could be in that moment.

“You’ll be alright,” he reassured both her and himself. Gently, Bucky placed a kiss on top of her head. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to her now. Not now, right after she had found the courage to express her feelings. Bucky was going to appreciate that. Once they were warm and safe, he was going to show her a good time. They would be happy. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to catch feelings for each other, considering they worked together, but they could make it work. They understood each other better than any strangers ever would. It would all be alright.

“Stay with me, doll,” Bucky’s voice was louder this time. It echoed in the otherwise almost empty room. “We’ll make it out of here, just you wait.”

She didn’t reply, and it made Bucky’s thoughts race. He had to keep her focused, “How about we go out after this? No missions, no cold, just us. It’ll be fun, right?” He realized he sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. He was going to say anything to keep her there.

Although she heard his voice, she couldn’t bring herself to reply. It felt like her body was frozen still like that and moving would make her cold again. She just nodded her head ever so slightly as an answer, since she didn’t know what to say. Indeed, the thought of going out with him sounded fun. It was all she thought of as her mind began to drift away to a much warmer place.

He would’ve yelled at the others to alert them of their position, but he knew better than that. There were guards out there. Yelling and making their positions clear would blow their cover. Bucky had to act like he didn’t know they were out there, although it pained him to do so.

They would open that door any minute now…

“Come on now…” Bucky groaned as he grew restless, worry brewing in his gut like poison. He knew Y/N was breathing, which was a good sign but it wasn’t so comforting when the air around them grew colder and colder by the second. It reminded him of his past. He had been frozen like a piece of meat so many times, just so he could be thawed later and used to do terrible things.

The thought of her freezing to death crossed his mind. Bucky wasn’t stupid or oblivious. He believed the others would find them, but it would have to happen sooner than later. She might’ve been an Avenger, but the cold was merciless to anyone.

Where on earth were the others? Were they okay? Or were they trapped in a similar frozen over hell too?

Despite how heavy her eyelids felt, Y/N felt the strong need to open her eyes. She was exhausted, and a yawn was drawn from her mouth. As she opened her eyes, she noticed that she was on the quinjet. Her body was wrapped in an emergency foil blanket and she felt warm, yet she was shivering. As she looked around, she saw Bucky, who looked sick of worry.

It all came back to her immediately. The cold room, how cold she had felt deep down to her bones, and the things she had told him. What happened then?

“What’s going on?” She made it clear that she was awake. Although she was embarrassed now that she knew Bucky knew of her feelings, she couldn’t stay quiet forever.

Natasha sat by her other side, “You gave us a scare, that’s what’s going on,” She admitted. “We didn’t catch the bad guy, but we have their next location and another team is already on its way. We, on the other hand, are going home to keep you warm.” Natasha continued explaining softly, clearly feeling relieved when her friend woke up. Seeing her like that, frozen over and unconscious, was terrifying.

“We’re glad you’re okay,” Steve said from the cockpit. No scolding from him? Must’ve been a miracle.

Y/N felt guilty for making them worry. “I shouldn’t have let the door get closed in the first place,” She sighed deeply. Had the others seen the masked enemy?

“That’s not on you,” Bucky was quick to argue with her guilty worries. He couldn’t let her dwell on it.

As they faced each other, it felt like no one else was there. Did he remember what she had said? That was a silly thought, of course he did.

Bucky was going to mention it to her once they were at the compound. Not now, when they were surrounded by the others. For now, he just put his hand on her shoulder and tried to comfort her. She was safe, and it felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off his shoulders.

“Next time, I’ll keep my foot between the door so that won’t happen again,” She was sure of that. Although the odds of stepping into a trap like that again were slim, she was going to be prepared.

“That might hurt your foot. Did you see that door? It was pure metal, ouch,” Sam imagined getting his foot stuck between a heavy door like that.

It was exactly the type of thing he would say, and it didn’t fail to make her laugh. “Always so logical, Sam.”

“Someone has to be,” he teased her and his words came from a place of love. “We’re all just glad we found you when we did.”

Bucky was glad too. When they had opened that door, he felt a sense of relief like never before.

They arrived at the compound safely, and everyone was worn out. Bucky had offered to help Y/N and she gladly accepted, for once. The rest seemed to catch the hint that they wanted privacy, so they didn’t stick around for too long.

As they reached Y/N’s quarters, she immediately sat down on her bed. She was so tired and all she wanted was to sleep, but she knew she couldn’t. Not yet. Her body was still longing for warmth and her mind needed rest, which she would find by talking to Bucky.

He was running her a bath so she could warm up. As he waited for the tub to fill up, they could talk.

“How are you feeling?” He wondered, taking in the sight of her wrapped up in her blanket.

“I’m okay,” She reassured him softly. Perhaps her limbs ached a little bit, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle.

He kept an eye on the bathtub to make sure it wouldn’t overflow. Then he faced her again. His heart was racing. How could he find the right words to mention what she had told him?

“Do you want to talk about what I said?” Y/N was the first one to speak of it, to his relief. Was it so obvious that he was thinking of it?

“Only if you feel like it”

She held onto the blanket tightly and stood up, walking closer to him. She had to go to the bathroom soon anyway to enjoy the lovely bath, but now she stopped so she was right in front of Bucky. His eyes never left her, and he looked curious.

“I meant it,” Y/N confirmed it and took a deep breath. Being so open about her feelings was bizarre, almost frightening. But she felt confident because Bucky wanted to bring it up. Surely, that was a good sign, right? She searched his eyes for something that would ease her wild heart, or put an end to her worrisome thoughts. When she saw the hope and joy in his eyes, she wanted to melt on the spot.

“Good,” Bucky couldn’t possibly hold back his smile anymore. Not only was he happy that she survived the ice box, he was ecstatic to hear that there was truth behind her drowsy words.

“Oh?” She wondered if he’d say more than that.

Bucky nervously put his hands on her cheeks, cupping her face gently as he looked deep into her eyes. “I was hoping you’d let me take you out someday. I think I promised you that earlier. Wasn’t sure if you heard me,” He felt oddly positive about it as he asked her out. Perhaps it was because he was almost sure that she would be delighted about it. There was no reason to worry or fear this anymore, and it felt great.

Y/N couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Right now, she couldn't have cared less about the practicality of having such strong, romantic feelings for someone she worked with. This was Bucky, and he owned her heart. She nearly died earlier that day and all she could think about was him. Life was too short to ignore those feelings for much longer.

“I’d love that,” She finally answered him. The look of pure joy on his face that followed was so wholesome. She wanted to kiss him.

Before they could initiate anything, the sound of water splashing against the floor caught their attention. The tub was overflowing.

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned and let go of her, rushing inside the bathroom to turn the water flow off. Y/N couldn’t help it when she let out of a laugh, one that was utterly precious to him. “That didn’t go as planned,” He sighed deeply. When he turned around, she was by his side and there was a look in her eyes he had never seen before. It was dark, mysterious and longing.

Silently, she wrapped her arms over his shoulders and pulled him closer until their noses brushed against one another. It was long overdue, but it was finally happening.

Bucky closed his eyes and held her by the back of her head. Then he closed the gap between them and kissed her. Once their lips met, they were okay. It felt like a spark that ignited a great fire. Although her lips were still cold, Bucky knew they would be warm soon enough.

They parted the kiss, only for a moment, to look at each other. They were both in awe, and surely the kiss had wiped their thoughts clean. Nothing else mattered but that moment.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Y/N had to let him know.

Bucky smiled, “so have I,” he murmured against her lips before sealing them into another one. And another one. And another…

Author’s Note: I hope that you, the person reading this that made it this far, enjoyed it! You must know that fluff isn’t my forte, so I apologize if it’s cheesy at the end. Nevertheless, I would love to hear your feedback if you have any to share 💚 I’m definitely writing more Bucky stuff in the future. If you like angst, stick around.

#Annie’s500KittiesWritingChallenge #Annie’s1stWritingChallenge #Bucky Barnes #Bucky x You #Bucky x Reader #Bucky fanfiction #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #James Buchanan Barnes #Bucky fluff #Bucky angst #writing challenge

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years ago

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if it’s not too intrusive, how do put out so much content? i’m not too familiar with the things you’re involved in but i assume you’re a busy person and as a fellow writer myself, it’s hard being a full time student and putting out content. inspiration never strikes unless it’s the most inconvenient time for me and when i do find a good time to write, it’s literally impossible to think of something.

specifically with TB&TB do you already have all these chapters lined up so you’re ahead of ur actual posting schedule? or do u start a new chapter after posting one and u manage to finish it before a week passes? do you have a set schedule you stick to or you write whenever you can? i know giving people advice when it comes to timing and writing is hard but are there any tips you have on being consistently active on tumblr while balancing several other things?

obviously writers have their own individualized schedules, and i really try to post when i can, but i take such long breaks in between each post that engagement decreases and decreases each time. as a consequence, my motivation to write declines too. there are so many times i question why i even continue to write for tumblr. i’m sure this happens to you all the time but what do you do to not lose motivation or how do u pull yourself out of that lull?

thank you so so so much in advance

Not too intrusive at all! So, firstly, I am an attorney who works a standard 9-5 job M-F. I personally find this schedule easier for writing than a full time student. However, I did write when I was a full time law school student and had a legal job.

Inspiration is the biggest block, I think. I completely understand it only happening when it really shouldn’t. The biggest thing for me is that when I get to a point where it is a good time to write, I literally just write, even if I don’t want to. It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s how most authors operate. You can always go back and edit something bad, but you can’t work off nothing.

It’s an unsatisfying answer, but it is the one most authors give: Write it badly.

For TB&TB, I have up to Part 19 outlined. Up until this week I usually had a pretty good head-start before the weekend. This time I am running a bit behind, although if I have a good writing day tomorrow, I’ll do just fine. I like having fics ready to go, but it’s hard work to maintain a schedule like that.

I write on my lunch breaks, when I get home, and on my weekends. I try to write every day for something (even just a couple words). I read my old work and edit if I’m not in the mood, because it reminds me of mistakes or old phrases. It gets things moving again (you can read other works, too!). Other ideas for helping get in the mood to write are talking to other writers/fans or listening to music, watching the source material, etc etc. Whatever works for you.

But at the end of the day, the key to consistency in writing and posting is just doing it. It’s a terrible answer, but it’s the truth. My friends always hear me say “I don’t want to write, but I should.” I usually end up enjoying myself, but sometimes its just hard. We all have days like that.

As for tumblr... The fandom is dying out in a substantial way. Fic writers who used to get 1k notes easy are maxing out at like 500 on a good day. You aren’t alone there, and you shouldn’t base your worth or your skill on that. I know what you mean, though. It’s hard to be motivated when it feels like no one will care. If it helps, Archive of Our Own is MUCH better suited for long breaks between updates.

If you ever need someone to hype you up, all writers are always welcome to my Discord. We talk about prompt ideas, hype each other up, post previews, etc. It really helped me stay engaged with the fandom, even as people cycle in and out.

I know this isn’t a very helpful answer, lol, so I’m sorry. But I hope it did something! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I know the feeling well.

#answer #answered #writing

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savagesbonergarage · 4 years ago

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Okay *cracks knuckles*

The following is an official Dumbling announcement-

Greetings, my fellow queer fandom-obsessed neurodivergents. I come before you on this tranquil spring afternoon to address some long-overdue writing-related matters of absolutely no real-world weight or importance or substantial consequence.

My spirit is heavy with the weight of your clandestine annoyance and disappointment in regards to the thick layer of dust that has accumulated over the drafts in my askbox over the past couple...months? I think? Anyway, it's been a long time-

However, today I have made (a most miniscule) effort to resume working on them and I'm happy to announce that updates shall actually be commencing soon. Like, for real this time.

"But Dumbling, didn't you post a while back about having something posted the next day and then it never happened? Like, more than once?"

Yep. In fact, I'm going to dispell any confusion and clarify the matter right now by officially proclaiming this: I Am A Piece Of Garbage, and As Such, DO NOT Believe Me Whenever I Say That. It is simply not a guarantee, no matter what even I believe - because Brain No Work Good. I have a very, very, very, very limited attention span coupled with the motivational drive of a dead tree, and thus, even if I'm really passionate about a project, the likelihood of it getting completed in any set amount of time (or even at all) is impossible to determine. I really, really wish I had the remedy for this, aha, but alas, I sadly do not.

BUT - I think I'm starting to get back into a comfortable writing groove again. I can't say for certain in what order or timeframe the asks I have will be answered, since some of them are lööng and others are not, but as of right now I'm making decent progress on a zabrak brothers request and a Ziara one, both of which are kind of lengthy, so we'll see which one ends up out in the world first, I guess.

I know that everyone's excuse for delays and hiatuses is "personal stuff", but like, yeah, bruh. I'm a real, actual nutcase over here, so uh - been dealing with some stuff for a minute. You start to think life isn't all that bad, and then suddenly, someone on another plane of existence with a space-ouija board invokes every kind of randomized obstruction to the previously okay-ish reality you'd once adapted to, and everything turns completely on it's head. Honestly, I can't really say for certain if that's going to stop getting in the way of my writing and stuff right now either, or if it ever will for anything, but that's kind of its own issue entirely.

Point is (I'm pretty sure there was a point to this-), I haven't forgotten or ignored the requests I have, and I'm sorry it's been taking me so long, but I am determined to complete them. Thank you for sticking around and being patient with me, (I feel like I've been saying that a lot, lately) - I hope that the resulting products will be worth the chaos. I do put a lot of effort into making them good, so I'm not going to rush them and sacrifice the quality just to get them done. ☺️

Thanks again, peeps. May the force be with you.

#update #personal #anon asks #requests #the dumbling speaks

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sneegsnitties · 4 years ago

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How to take down a kingdom by Niki Nihachu (Ft. Ranboo)

Her code name isn’t Nemesis for no reason, is it?

Niki tells the Syndicate about a new kingdom on the rise, and it's up to her to take it down (with a little help from ranboo)

[AO3 LINK]

Join our kingdom? Join their kingdom, Karl had said. As if he even had the audacity to ask her to join him when he had so carelessly built his kingdom right on top of her city without even checking if someone was even there. Granted, it was only him, Sapnap, and George. Three people. That was the final straw in all of this when she heard they were hiring someone to build the rest of their kingdom for them.

But that doesn’t make it any better. There is no way that she is trusting Sapnap at all, anywhere near any of her pets at all. Not after all the shit he had pulled while L’manburg was still around.

Killing pets with no mercy, as if they didn’t even matter.

She would never forget Fungi. Never.

But with this new kingdom on the rise, directly on top of her city, she thinks she might be able to put her syndicate nickname to use.

Her code name isn’t Nemesis for no reason, is it?

Maybe it’s time to call for a syndicate meeting.

You whisper to Technoblade: Techno.

You whisper to Technoblade: I have an issue that I need to speak to you and the others with.

Technoblade whispers to you: Calling a Syndicate meeting, I presume?

You whisper to Technoblade: Yes. I would prefer sooner than later.

Technoblade whispers to you: I will let Ranboo and Phil know. Tomorrow afternoon?

You whisper to Technoblade: That works, thank you. See you tomorrow.

The next morning she wakes up, and heads outside, frowning when she finds a book in her mailbox, from Karl, titled “Please Niki.” It hasn’t even been a day since he originally asked. Maybe just to have a physical copy of it? How impatient is he?

So she reads it, her frown deepening when Karl refers to her city as a country. When she had said that her city is very much not a country. How he automatically assumes her home is a country rubs her the wrong way immediately, considering who she’s allied herself with. But his offer about showing her around his kingdom could be useful to her, in multiple ways.

She will have to show this book to the syndicate later today.

Evidence.

But there’s a slight issue. She found out that Foolish is the one who is building for them. Foolish is innocent. He was the one who was building for them. She knows that he’s been building for Kinoko, he’s visited her a couple times apologizing whenever he accidentally breaks a block into her city. Even expressing concern once about the vicinity of the two being so close together, and she couldn’t agree more. But unfortunately for Foolish, he doesn’t want to seem to move the build, is he even getting paid as well? But she doesn’t think that’s her problem. She doesn’t even know the shark totem god all that well, just that he enjoys the building that he does.

She doesn’t exactly want to ruin his builds, but if it comes to it, she will do it.

But enough thinking about that for now.

With a sigh, she eats her breakfast and prepares to head out towards the cold of the arctic commune. Ignoring the fact that she doesn’t have a thick enough cloak to shield her from the cold.

She steps through her portal and into the nether, being careful not to catch the attention of any ghasts or anger any of the piglins wandering around. Fortunately, though, she catches Ranboo as he seems to be coming back from the community portal.

“Ranboo!” she grins and waves at him.

“Hello, Niki!” he smiles back, “I was just collecting more string from the spider spawner, so that’s why I’m coming from there,” he says with an awkward chuckle, “I’ve been trading with my villagers non-stop recently.”

She laughs, “that’s good, I’ve just been working on my city.”

His face brightens, “any more progress?”

“Just a bit, though I’ve been busy with… other matters,” she says as they reach the portal.

“After you,” he motions, bowing dramatically.

“Oh, thank you, you’re too kind.” she laughs

Niki was barely prepared for the bitter cold that suddenly hits her, shivering immediately.

Ranboo steps out moments later and frowns, pulling his heavier cloak out of his inventory, “here, put it on.” he says, handing it to her. “I think you need it more.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you need it, too?” she frowns, pulling the thin fabric around her.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, wrapping it around her shoulders for her, as it’s entirely too long and Ranboo has to tie it extra tight just so it doesn’t fall off. “We can ask Phil to make one for you.”

She smiles warmly at him again; the kid is too kind for his own good. “I’ll have to ask him.”

The two walk in silence the short distance to the arctic, though Phil greets the two of them as soon as they enter the fenced-in area.

“Ranboo, aren’t you cold, mate?” he asks, eying the half enderman who shivers slightly in the cold.

“Just a little. Niki needed my cloak more than me.”

Phil sighs, “I need to make you one now, huh Niki?” he says giving her a smile, “techno’s down there already.”

“Oh! I need to put a couple things away really quick first.” Ranboo says, running to his house in a few strides, “I’ll be down in a second!” he yells as he disappears.

“Sounds good!”

“That kids been trading for emeralds nonstop,” he says and lets out a sigh when he hears a bell ring in the distance, “damn prime pig. Scared the shit out of me the first time I heard a bell ringing and I didn’t know where it came from.”

“What?” Niki asks as they head towards the lava pit containing the syndicate room.

“Ranboo has a pet pig that he trained to ring a bell.”

She blinks in confusion

Phil only shrugs in response before jumping down into the lava, and she joins him seconds later. Phils already got a boat on the ice path down and ready for her to jump into the back. Soon they are in the syndicate room.

Now she is no longer Niki, but Nemesis. Phil is no longer Phil, but Zephyrus. Here in the syndicate, you go by a name that is not your own. A name with a meaning.

“Lethe said he’ll be down in a moment, got some shit to put away,” Zephyrus says, giving Protesilaus a nod.

Protesilaus hums, turning to Nemesis, “I see you’ve chosen your code name, fits you rather well, Nemesis.”

Nemesis smiles widely at the pig hybrid, “thank you,” he does not know how well it’ll fit after she tells them about the latest development in her life.

Moments later, lethe himself practically runs into the room. A book, she assumes to be his memory book, clutched in his hands as he sits down. “Sorry,” he says quickly.”

“It’s alright, mate.” Zephyrus smiles at him, “memory book?”

“Oh- sort of? An extra memory book for syndicate stuff, I’ll be making it super vague in the actual one.” Lethe shrugs, “Just so that if I ever lose it… again… it won’t have anything about this.”

“Smart.”

“Alright, it’s been a while since we all last met and Harpo still hasn’t shown up, but I’m not holding it to them again.” Protesilaus chuckles, but his voice holding a serious tone, “any updates?”

Niki waits for a moment, waiting for anyone else to speak up.

“Well, uh, turns out Tommy’s not dead.” Lethe says with a grimace, “He’s not okay though.”

“Now, I wouldn’t say I told you so, but I told you so.” Protesilaus says half-heartedly, “anything else, Lethe?”

“Um… puffy blew up the community house from a prank that Fundy had set up, It was hilarious this time, though.” the half enderman chuckles, pointedly ignoring what Protesilaus had said moments ago, “but hey at least it wasn’t me this time.”

That gets a good laugh out of the four of them, but an awkward silence afterward, silently remembering the country of L’manburg through the good and the bad memories.

“Anything else, Lethe?”

He hums, “Hannahs been planting flowers and I think that’s it? that’s all I could remember.”

“How about you Nemesis, you were the one to call the meeting?”

A smile grows on her face as she reaches into her inventory to pull out the book that Karl had put into her mailbox that morning. “Well,” she places it on the table, the title ‘Please Niki’ glaring up at her, “I heard wind that there was a new kingdom on the rise.”

She relishes in the surprised looks of her fellow anarchists, a variety of emotions all displayed on their faces, as pride swells up into her chest, ready to burst. This is her contribution. She finally, finally, contributing something without being looked down upon, without being immediately ignored. This is a new feeling, and she loves it. She absolutely loves the feeling of being heard.

“Please, do tell.”

“Have you ever heard of Kinoko Kingdom?”

#dream smp #vesper writes #dream smp niki #dsmp #dream smp fanfiction

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tinyanimelover · 4 years ago

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Ice Cream Talks

Requested Anonymously!

[Ichigo Kurosaki ; "Marry me"]

The first time he met her, she'd transferred to Karakura High School. She wasn't anything special to look, pretty average looking yet she somehow drew in those around her. Was it her mysteriousness? After all, who transfers mid-year? Y/n made quick friends with Orihime and Tatsuki, later becoming friendly with Uryu and Sado. But for some reason she kept her distance from Ichigo. Why? Was it his hair color? Did she judge him based off that? She didn't have very high reiatsu, so she didn't know why the others would suddenly leave class. She didn't know about the world of Hollows, Shinigami and Arrancar. Ichigo was glad for this, not wanting to rope in yet another person into such a dangerous world. But that all changed when she was attacked one night while walking home with Orihime. She couldn't see her attacker yet Orihime seemed deathly terrified, screaming for her to run away while she took care of it. Thankfully Ichigo came to their rescue, saving both of them and defeating the unknown assailant. She was thrown into the world of Shinigami and hollows, that night and yet, despite being a mere human, she decided she'd do what she could for her friends. When they would return injured, Orihime would heal them and Y/n would keep them fed and hydrated, helping them fully recover. She cheered for them, did her best to keep them updated on school assignments and overall, just did what she could for them. So when Ichigo and the others returned from their fight with Aizen, she could see something had changed between them all--well, mostly between Ichigo and the others. She learned Ichigo had sacrificed his powers while defeating Aizen, and now he was a normal human. And as one might've guessed, though he tried to put on a brave face, he was depressed about it all. His friends walked om eggshells around him, while his family acted the same, not having any idea about his second life. Y/n could tell he was having a rough time with understanding it all and trying to adjust to his new normal life. As a fellow human, she understood what he was going through, having felt the same things whenever the others would rush off into battle and she was stuck watching helplessly. It started off subtly, her wanting to cheer him up. She didn't want him to feel like she was pitying him, so she opted in doing small things for him. Whether it was leaving candy on his desk for him, walking to school with him after accidentally bumping into him on the way there, or even just stopping by his house after work to drop off some sweets for him and his family. She did all she could to try and get his mind off being normal now, but she couldn't tell if it was helping, Ichigo was still so sad. Along the way, she sort of fell for the orange haired male, making her feel even more hopeless. He was kinda different than his usual self, even though it'd been almost a year now that he'd lost his Shinigami powers. What else? What could she do? She felt helpless as she watched him attempt to starve off his sorrow with odd jobs here and there, and even joining different clubs as long as they paid for his services. She understood this was his way of accepting he'd never get his powers back, trying to move on, but was this really the way? It was as if he was just pushing it all behind him, not even trying to fully accept it. Frustrated and filled with sorrow over seeing the person she loved in such a state, she woke up one day with the resolve to at least ease him of his pain. She thought about confessing but wondered if that'd put pressure on the male. 'There he is! Okay, Y/n, you can do this!'. "I-Ichigo!" She called after him, glad that he was walking alone. He raised an eyebrow, turning around as she ran to catch up to him with a smile on her lips, a bag in hand "Y/n-chan?". "Sorry..this is random but..do you want to eat ice cream with me in the park?" She asked with a softer smile as she held the bag up "We..haven't talked in awhile since you've picked up that part-time job..". "Hm..sure" he gave in, hands in his pockets "Here, I'll hold the bag". He gently took the bag from her with a smile, "You're hair's gotten longer, huh?". "Y-yeah" she said with a grin, "I was thinking it was too long and it's a pain in summer..but I like it!". They ended up in the park in no time, sitting underneath a tree for shade and enjoyed the nice breeze it produced at they ate ice cream. He stole a glance at her, always curious as to why she was trying to hard to cheer him up. It's one of the reasons why he chose to move on rather than mull over his lost powers, he felt bad seeing her try so hard for him. He looked away, but he felt that simply moving on wasn't what she wanted from him. "Ichigo" she suddenly spoke up, his eyes trailed back over to rest on her, she didn't look over at him but kept her eyes glued to her half-eaten ice cream in her hands. "What's up?" He asked. "..I can't say I know exactly how you're feeling" she started off with a sad smile, "I didn't have any powers to begin with, so I won't try to sit here and tell you that I felt the same way...but, I can say that I think I know a little of how you felt". His eyes widened, "..Y/n-chan? Where's this coming fro--" he was cut off by her. "I didn't have any powers, I couldn't kick ass like you Ichigo. Or heal wounds in an instant like Orihime. I don't come from a special lineage like Uryu ad I don't have any secret powers like Sado....all I could do make sure your wounds were wrapped, make sure you were hydrated and fed..even with my pathetic skills, you and the others took me in" she smiled, eyes lifting to look at the orange and pink sky as the sun prepared to set "I'll always be grateful to you and the others..I'll always do my best to be of some use to you all. Ichigo..you probably think that you've lost the only way to protect those around you..but you're wrong. You're strong, and brave, you didn't lose those along with your powers, they're still there". She gave him a closed eyes grin, turning her head towards him "Don't lose hope, Ichigo! I think..things happen for a reason! When a door closes, another will open and who knows? Maybe it'll be an even better thing than the one you lost! A-anyways, I wanted to have this talk with you..I hope you don't think I overstepped any boundaries or anything..I'm just a concerned friend!". She got up from the bench, "Thanks for sharing ice cream with me! I'll see you tomorrow in school" she laughed softly, walking away. To say he was shocked at what she'd said, was an understatement. He hadn't expected her of all people to think about that stuff, he figured she was just worried about him. He had no idea that she felt that way about herself, never even giving it a second thought as to how she felt when she was always left behind during battles. She felt..the same way he did when he first lost his powers, how he still felt. "..hah..I've been worrying Y/n-chan all this time" he let out softly, eyes glued to his ice cream. It was times like these that made him fall in love with her even more. It was her bravery and perseverance that made him first see her in such a light, she was a normal human who couldn't fight hollows or defend herself against them, but she didn't let that stop her from helping him and his friends. After that, he found himself falling for her even more but with his duties as a Substitute Shinigami, he couldn't bring himself to put her into anymore danger than she already was. He was more than grateful when she stuck by his side after his battle with Aizen. He sighed, thinking back to what Keigo asked him on the rooftop during lunch. Have you thought about what you're gonna do after high school? He still had time to think about that stuff, not like he had anything else to do. There was also the fact that he really had no idea what he wanted to do. Truthfully, he thought he'd be a substitute soul reaper for the rest of his life. But, there was something that popped instantly into his mind when he thought about his future. He wanted to still be around his friends, even if he couldn't fight with them. But more than anything, he closed his eyes with a smile on his lips as he got up from the bench ".....I won't let her slip from my hands..". He tossed the ice cream into the trash can as he took off running, eyes glued to the girl's figure as she walked. "Y/n-chan!" He yelled after her, "Wait, Y/n-chan!". The girl halted, turing around with wide eyes. He panted as he ran, catching up a moment later as he held his hand out towards her "Y/n-chan...ab--..about another for opening for me with something even better..it opened for me long ago..even before I lost my shinigami powers". "Ichigo?" She let out confused "What're you talking about?". "You aren't pathetic, you aren't weak" he let out as he caught his breath " To me, you've always been brave and strong, even with no fighting abilities". Her eyes widened, cheeks growing warm as he continued on. "I've always thought that about you, whenever I'd get into a battle that I thought I couldn't win: I'd think about my friends who were fighting..I thought about you cheering me on from home..Y/n-chan, I haven't given much thought to what I'll do after I graduate but there’s one thing I know for sure that I want to be present in my future...I don't have anything to offer you...but, as of right now, I can offer you a pair of arms to come home to! And I swear to make you happy, no matter what!". He had a blush on his cheeks, as did she, "Ichigo..you..are you saying?.." She trailed off, unable to eve think straight. "I like you a lot, Y/n-chan, I have ever since we came back from saving Rukia...and I don't want to lose you..ever..." He cleared his throat before getting on his knee. "Y/n-chan!" He blurted out "Marry me!". Her eyes bulged from their sockets, "W-what?!". "I..is that a no?" He deadpanned, half-embarrassed and half-worried "I'm..a idiot..". She laughed as he got up, "N-no! That's not it, it's just that...you skipped the whole dating part and went straight for marriage". He blinked a few times, "...I did! Oh, then, will you go out with me Y/n-chan?". She grinned, "Yes! To both questions!". And she walked away happily, "C'mon, let's get some more ice cream!". "Wait..to both..questions?" His eyes widened, running to catch up to her "You'll marry me then?!".

#bleach #female reader insert #bleach one shots #anon request #ichigo kurosaki #ichigo kurosaki x reader

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rosemaidenvixen · 4 years ago

Text

Ugly Sweaters and Hot Cocoa

Happy Secret Santa, Merry Christmas, and Blessed Yule to @tigereyes45. You wanted something with adult asexual Krel enjoying his best life, so I wrote this little one shot with him and his fellow ace friends calling Aja to update her about his life on earth. Hope you enjoy!

@toa-secret-santa

Ao3

Krel carefully placed the laptop down on the coffee table and looked around “Everyone ready?”

Eli plopped down on the couch right next to him “Ready,”

Zoe hopped over the back and landed on Krel’s other side “All set, now we just need to wait for Douxie to get her with the--”

“Ask and you shall receive,” Douxie stepped around the side of the couch and slid the pile of DVDs onto the table before flopping back next to Zoe “Ready when you are Krel,”

“Awesome,” Krel turned and opened up the laptop, typing in the commands to establish the connection “Let’s get started,”

A few seconds later Aja’s blue face popped up on the screen.

“Hello little brother!”

“Hello Aja,” Krel greeted her with a small smile.

“Hi Aja!”

“Nice to see you,”

“How’s it going, did you get the video games I sent you?”

She held up a thin plastic box in front of the screen “Yes, thank you Zoe, but we’ll have to be quick today, I can’t talk for long, there is a meeting with dignitaries from the far territories,”

Abruptly Aja’s figure on the screen froze, before slowly lowering the box and leaning in to squint at them “What are you all wearing?”

“Ah, well you see, today we participated in a Earth winter solstice ritual known as the ‘Ugly Sweater Party’,”

“Check it out!” Eli flipped a switch on the underside of his collar causing the Christmas tree on the front of his sweater to become illuminated with multicolored lights.

“You call that an ugly sweater?” Douxie said with a smirk “This is an ugly sweater,”

He pressed the red nose of the reindeer on his chest, causing tinny instrumental music to play. Krel and Zoe looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Douxie and Eli could be such dorks, although to be fair the snowman on Krel’s sweater shed glitter on every surface it touched, and Zoe’s sweater had so much tinsel it was hard to look directly at her.

“Oh, excellent work, your sweaters are most hideous,”

“I know,” Krel leaned back “I don’t really understand it either,”

Aja giggled before she started, zooming closer until her face took up the entire screen “Seklos and Gaylen Krel! Is this your new house?”

Krel perked up “Oh yes, sorry I thought I already told you we moved in. We’re on the loft right now but I can show you the rest,” he stood and picked up the laptop, walking over to the landing so Aja could see down stairs “There’s the kitchen, and the living room, there’s a patio outside but it might be hard to see through the sliding doors,”

“Very lively! I will have to come over to see it the next time I am on earth,”

“Yep,” Eli said with no small amount of pride “The four Ace-cateers finally have a home base,”

Krel turned and made a face so that only Aja would see; her eyes sparkled, cheeks puffed with barely restrained giggles. He hadn’t been the one to pick out that name, Eli had, and to Krel’s eternal torment it stuck.

Asexual was the english word to describe what the four of them were. There existed no such translation in the Akiridion dialect, the closest thing would be ‘preferences’.

Some Akiridions preferred those similar to themselves, some preferred those who were more different. Some enjoyed the company of others regardless of how similar or different they were. And some, like Krel, preferred to abstain altogether.

Krel had never really needed a word to describe what he was; Aja, Varvatos, and his parents had always known his preferences and accepted them without question.

So yes, Krel had never needed the word, but being able to use it to find others that were similar to him was incredible.

Other people that would roll their eyes with him when Steve did one of his musical calls to Aja, to complain with about how nearly everything in human society was geared towards couples.

Eli, Douxie, and Zoe were some of the best friends he could ask for during his years on earth. Even if ‘The four Ace-cateers’ was an embarrassing name.

“We just moved in last week,” Zoe said loud enough for Aja to hear even though Krel was standing across the room with the laptop “There’s still a lot of unpacking to do, but that can wait until after finals,”

“Congratulations! Are your classes going well little brother?”

“Oh yes they are challenging to be sure but I having a blast,” Krel returned the laptop to the table while sitting back down on the couch “Humans have such a complex history, and the way the carbon based life on this planet evolved is truly fascinating,”

Douxie leaned over and grinned at the computer screen “You have no idea how disappointed the engineering school was to miss out on him, there was even talk about some of them throwing him into a sack and dragging him to the engineering campus so they could force him to join,”

“Kleb that,” Krel folded his arms and leaned back “If I wanted to learn utterly basic engineering from some larvox that doesn’t even know what a Daxial array is, I would go back to high school,”

Aja giggled before turning towards Eli “How are your studies going, Ambassador Pepperjack?”

“I’m hanging in there, Mr. Strickler’s been helping with my political science classes, but learning all the different languages is hard,”

Krel grinned and nudged him with an elbow “Eli, tell her what happened your debate,”

Aja’s eyeridges rose “Debate?”

Eli blushed scarlet while the three of them started smirking “There’s nothing to tell!”

“If it is nothing why are you turning red?”

“Let’s just say Ash Dispersal Pattern, featuring DJ Kleb, made a guest appearance,” Douxie said with a sly grin.

“Is that what you call it?! There was a dragon in the auditorium!”

Zoe held up a finger “Hey, Charlemange is a cool guy,”

“The quad was on fire.”

“I assure you, we had everything under control,”

“And the gnomes!?” Eli said indignantly, face still crimson.

Krel opened his mouth to retort, paused, shut his jaw with a click, and then opened it again “....yeah ok that was our bad, we took that one a little too far,”

Eli covered his face and moaned

Aja’s expression was both confused and intrigued “Ok, we don’t have enough time right now, but you will definitely have to tell me the full story later,”

Zoe nodded at her “I’ll send you the pictures,”

“Oh, that reminds me, how is your deejaying Krel?”

“Klebtastic, I’ve been doing pretty regular work at the recreation center’s party nights, and I’m going to be doing the music in town square for Arcadia’s New Years eve celebration,”

“That’s Amazing!” she beamed at him “You know when I told the council of elders what your DJ name is they were so horrified, a few of them actually fainted,”

Krel let out a short laugh “Oh man, I wish I could have been there,”

Aja chuckled along with him for a moment when someone suddenly called to her from offscreen. She leaned over and disappeared from view for a while responding to them before quickly popping back “I have to go soon, but it was good talking to you,”

“Yes,” Krel sighed, the other three sitting back to let him and his sister say goodbye “I miss seeing you,”

“Krel I--” Aja hesitated before speaking up again “Krel...I am glad that you are happy on earth with your friends and your deejaying and your studies...but there will always be a place for you on Akiridion-5,”

Krel froze, caught off guard by the sudden heaviness in his chest and stinging in his eyes.

His life on earth wasn’t perfect, there were pieces missing; Aja was the biggest one. But he had his friends, his town. A life outside being a prince that he’d never imagined.

Maybe one day he would want something different, but for now this was enough.

“Thank you Aja,”

Aja gave him a soft smile “You can always come back whenever you want, but I know earth is your home to,”

Someone called to her from beyond the computer again, Aja frowned sharply, standing abruptly and shouting offscreen “I will be finished soon, now would you please give me a mekron to speak with my brother in peace!”

She sat back down into view and sighed “I have to go now, but it was good talking to you, and Krel--”

“Yes, I know, I will give hugs and kisses to the oaf for you,”

“I was going to say don’t take so long to call again, but if you really want to, I can ask Steve to--”

“Flishgag no!”

“Aja! Ew!” Eli’s face was a picture of disgust.

She laughed at them through the screen, Douxie and Zoe going right along with her.

“Take care of yourself little brother,”

“I will, and you do the same,”

She gave him a melancholy smile “Goodbye,”

Bittersweet feelings stirred in his stomach “Bye, see you soon,”

With that he pressed a button on the keyboard causing the screen to go dark.

Krel pressed the power button and shut the laptop, but not before he could see the glum look on his face reflected in the blaack screen.

It was good to catch up with Aja, he should definitely arrange another call soon. But immediately after their calls ended was always when he felt the literal lightyears of distance between them most acutely.

He played off the swell of emotion as a shudder “Why your race chooses to express romantic affection by mushing your mouths together I will never understand,”

“Agreed,” Eli punctuated the word with a nod.

“I don’t know guys,” Douxie said “Kissing isn’t all that bad,”

“Yeah,” Zoe slid closer to him “I think I might like to do some right now,”

“Please no,”

“Gross,”

Douxie flashed them a malicious grin while pulling a smirking Zoe in closer “We’re going to do it,” he said in a sing-song voice.

“Guys, eeww!”

“If you two kiss I am throwing myself out the window,”

“Pucker up honeypie,” Zoe leaned in close, Douxie bending his head down to meet her.

Eli made gagging noises.

“The window is open and I am ready to jump!”

Zoe and Douxie were less than an inch away when Lucy suddenly popped up from behind the couch, causing Zoe to fall and Douxie to jump with a yelp.

“Nuh uh uh kiddos, no PDA in the living room. Got to be on your tip top best behavior now, Santy Claus is watching,”

Zoe got back up with a grumble “We’re grown adults in our own house,”

Lucy didn’t so much as bat an eye “How about you sports have some hot cocoa, extra whipped cream and extra marshmallows,” she held out a tray with four steaming mugs.

“...if this is a bribe I will totally take it,” Zoe reached up and grabbed one of the mugs, Eli and Douxie following suit.

Krel shut the window with a sigh of relief and walked over to accept his own mug. Zoe and Douxie would pick chocolate over making out any day; besides, if past experience was anything to go by Krel wasn’t very good at hiding his gloom at being separated from his sister, and they had only been trying to distract him.

He picked up one of the DVDs from the stack on the coffee table “Should I start the movie now?”

“Yes,”

“Definitely,”

“Fire it up,”

Krel popped the disk into the player before going back over to plop down on the couch between Eli and Douxie. Zoe picked up the box from where he set it on the table “When a big city lawyer heads home for the holidays it’s love at first sight when-- wow, they aren’t even trying anymore are they?”

“They’re the Hallmark channel,” Eli said between sips of his hot chocolate “What do you think?”

“You know, when I first arrived on Earth I thought that these movies were an accurate representation of human courtship, you have know idea how relieved I was when I learned they weren’t,”

“Yeah they are inaccurate drivel,” Douxie said as the opening credits started rolling “But they are a ton of fun to watch with my fellow Ace-cateers,”

Krel grinned and held up his mug “I’ll drink to that,”

#Toasecretssanta2020 #toasecretsanta #tales of arcadia #fanfic #krel tarron #eli pepperjack #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #zoe #toa zoe #rmvwrites #toasecretsanta2020 #aro ace krel #aro ace eli #panromantic ace douxie #demiromantic ace zoe

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