#whenever he sees a kid in distress he's like 'is anyone gonna adopt them? no? well then don't mind if I do' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

my-writings-and-musings · 4 years ago

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Idea, a group of young human liaisons (late teen/young adult) join the lost light crew and the different crew members essentially adopts them (any bots of your choice)

That's adorable so absolutely yes! I chose the bots I thought most likely to adopt in any capacity.

Tailgate

·Being amongst the tiniest bots on the ship, and having loved human culture whilst never meeting a human, compounds his excitement at their arrival to nearly critical levels. They're so tiny! They can answer all his earth questions! They can go on missions together and he can show them around the galaxy! His first step is to learn how to tell humans apart and to memorize all their names, as well as anything they find important about themselves, so that way they'll feel welcome.

·During this introduction it's revealed these humans are on the younger side, and his reaction immediately becomes one of shock. You're all still little ones?! Not done growing even?! The explanations that human development is quite different fall on deaf audials; he knows what it's like to be small and new in the galaxy, and he won't let anything hurt these protoforms!

·The liaison team now has a permanent guardian, and they quickly learn that his size doesn't tell his full story. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he's still twice the height of the average human, so calling him "tiny" doesn't make much sense to any of them. Being so much taller is something he absolutely adores experiencing for a change, and that combined with his super strength leads to a lot of piggy back rides for the whole crew.

·If anyone, bot or con or whatever, says a mean word to even one of them he's on the warpath. Think you're a big tough guy, huh?! Picking on his little buddies?! Well, he's not gonna give you a chance to pick on somebody your own size! Unless you offer a heartfelt apology, and if the human in question accepts that, then everything is just fine! But he will punch you if he hears this is recurring!

·The various liaisons start referring to him as their "big brother" and once the meaning of that is explained he's absolutely touched. Him? A part of their family? Movie nights henceforth involve him being surrounded by a group of young humans, just chilling around their adoptive older sibling who happens to be six million years old, and should anyone glance at his visor they'll find it absolutely shining in the dim light.

Ratchet

·Having worked with and studied humans of this age group in the past, he's far less upset and far more worried by their arrival, but he pretends he's merely the former. The truth is that he knows their species is especially vulnerable at this age, and getting the rest of the crew to understand that will be an impossible task, even if he asks them to imagine a delicate protoform taking nearly two decades to mature instead of a few hours and to try and comprehend how much trouble that would be.

·His first step is to establish that he's their doctor, one fully capable of handling human medicine, and he quickly catches the rest of his team up to speed. Every medic needs to be able to meet the needs of every crewmember, and these juvenile humans are part of the crew now, as well as their responsibility for the sake of diplomatic relations... Somehow that last part doesn't stress him out in the slightest.

·These humans will quickly find his gruff to be little more than a personality trait. When he's with a patient, specifically one who's a little frightened, his demeanor rapidly softens just as his touch becomes gentle even to a being quite soft and tiny by comparison. For a species not necessarily accustomed to medical care just... whenever they need it, the young liaisons can't help but like him. His reaction to the fact that most humans can't afford medical care is... a very long sigh.

·His attention to these new patients extends well beyond appointment hours, though he does try not to be overbearing. But he just needs to be certain; are they exercising enough? Does the atmosphere of the ship upset their respiratory systems in any way? Is there any chance the modification to the lighting system was ineffective and they're not getting enough vitamin D? Are they eating all their vegetables?!

·It's impossible for the group to ignore the gigantic alien robot very obviously fretting over them like a mother hen, and thus he often gets a "Yes, mom" in response to his queries from them, but in a good natured way. He huffs at first but their genuine appreciation for his efforts is... well, he'd be lying if he said his actions weren't driven by something more than medical duty. Maybe he's the first Cybertronian with a kind of maternal instinct, who knows? What matters is that his "children" are all safe and healthy, and he certainly doesn't start smiling when "Dr. Mom" becomes what he's listed as in their communication contact list.

Ultra Magnus/Minimus Ambus

·Rodimus agreed to this diplomatic mission despite all his warnings (and pleadings) to say no and find some other way to encourage a good relationship between the species. He has experience with humans, specifically of this exact age range, and while that relationship is one he treasures he's not looking to put any humans in potential danger again. He is, of course, duly ignored and the group is brought on board.

·For the sake of fostering a welcoming and structured environment, he memorizes their names in advance and has them all come to his office for an abridged two hour orientation on the ship and its rules. Knowing they have to be on the move often for neurological development is the only reason he doesn't keep them for a proper five hour orientation. It goes relatively well, but he's less distressed by their lack of attention than he is by how intimidating they seem to find him.

·For some reason this bothers him, no matter how fine he is with bots finding him to be frightening, seeing humans flinch from his presence actually hurts him. So he endeavors to be... friendly! If he earned the nickname "Uncle Magnus" with one human, he can do it again! The best strategy he can think of isn't actually that off base; he'll try to mentor them in their individual pursuits. Dropping down in height whenever he can, typically by getting on a knee to ensure he doesn't tower over them, also proves to be a big help.

·Initially he's determined to keep his Minimus self hidden from them completely, down to the very existence of his split identity. It's less about size, as even his most base form still stands well above the tallest liason, than it is about respect. He wants to be an inspiration to these little ones, and Ultra Magnus is obviously the more impressive of the two. It's only once one particularly affectionate liaison gives him a hug, or more accurately an attempt at one around his offered hand, that he feels compelled to reconsider.

·It makes him nervous for weeks, contemplating the potential fallout of being honest with them, and how it could ruin everything... In the end he blames his own moral compass for forcing him to be honest. He gathers the liaisons together and explains the entirety of his identity in detail, taking all of their questions and praying he won't see any kind of disappointment, before finally removing his armor and "introducing" them to Minimus. The reaction is far from negative. There are exclamations of "botception" and "nesting dolls" in the wild surprise that follows, but nothing that could even be interpreted as dissapoint, and in fact the young humans are only that much more amazed by their "Uncle Minimags". It takes everything he is not to cry.

Swerve

·He knows enough about human culture to have seen that this particular age group tends to party, and is also way more likely to enjoy pop culture, so he's delighted when they join up. Of course he introduces himself, but he doesn't need to mention much more than his bar before he has their full attention and fascination. The Manhattan sized spaceship run by giant alien robots has a bar?! They're all begging to see it and he's so thrilled he forgets he can transform and runs there with them.

·Their amazement only doubles when night comes and they get to see the place in full swing, but he makes sure they're safely seated on the bar itself, to avoid squishing. As always he's able to chat endlessly to these new arrivals, and his knowledge of human culture quite surprises them. Even if there's a fair amount he doesn't know, the fact that he's aware of anything at all shocks them.

·The rush to get him caught up is a shared effort between the liaisons. Does he know what social media is? Would he like to have an account? For once he's the overwhelmed one and he has to work to keep up with everything they give him, but the attention and genuine interest these little humans have in his thoughts and experiences is... it's a good thing he's got some help around the bar to help him stay caught up. Because these little sort of protoforms have convinced him to get Twitter.

·Movie nights become so massive they actually have to consider expanding the bar. Not only are old movies watched, but all the latest releases as well, some as soon as they're in theaters because look they know it's not technically legal but it's promoting good diplomacy so... However, even when he starts serving and mixing human alcohol, he's quite firm on requiring the humans who drink it to be of age. There's still fun drinks for the younger ones though.

·The humans bond with other bots, but as their first contact on the ship and the most fun he's always got a few of them by his side. Maybe he's just better with other species? He doesn't really know or care, but somehow when there's a little moment and they all take a selfie together he just... he just feels not alone. It's something he keeps a little on the down low, but he's a bit too easy to read for the humans not to notice, and since they're good kids they pretend it's a secret that they mean the world to him. On especially rowdy nights they even help clean up, and each human develops their own little nickname for him, making it less like he adopts them and much more like they adopt him.

Whirl

·Humans come in fun size too? Neat! But he's admittedly a tad curious when their age is explained and he realizes that, in their own super weird alien way, these are still protoforms. Something almost akin to worry flashes in his spark for an instant. Still, he plays it cool when they're brought on board, pretending to be no more interested than any other bot they're introduced to.

·Before he meets them, he's told quite firmly that these humans are to be protected at all costs, and that any behavior seen as antagonizing in the slightest will be punished. He ensures the top bots he's no Decepticon and that squishies aren't on his radar. But he's admittedly a little concerned that they'll notice his... peculiarities. His own species recoils at his appearance, and while he can handle that, getting it from aliens would be unpleasant.

·But there's no such reaction. They ask him his name, share theirs, and react with the same enthusiasm they do to every bot and even ask the same questions. It's pleasantly surprising, until they all get excited upon his description of his alt mode, at which point it's freaking fantastic. It's with pride that he confirms he's the only flying bot on the crew, and when he's immediately corrected by a random passerby, he explains that he meant the only one who could fly worth a damn. He's greeted by a chorus of laughter for his amazing joke and he vows that he'd die for each and every one of these little squishies.

·All it takes is one hint of a request and he's offering to take them all for a lift through the hangar. This is just the beginning of an impossibly interesting friendship. Eventually he just carries them all around in his cockpit whenever they're walking anywhere, or on his shoulders if they won't all fit, and either way there's a row of humans sitting across him. This friendship is why he's so mortified when his identity of an Empurata is accidentally revealed and the questions begin.

·He reluctantly answers and braces for the impending disgust or revulsion to realize he's been mutilated. But it never comes. Instead, there's genuine sympathy and anger on his behalf, and their little hands reach out to comfort him. Initially he can only be awed. How are these little, fragile, and oh so very young protoforms better than so many members of his species?! Does it matter? They shall be called; "The Whirl Scouts", trademark pending. They'll all have to be trained in combat for their own safety, and he will be their mom now, because he won't just die for them he'll kill for them. They're his kids and his family.

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symphonyofthewrite · 4 years ago

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Saw your post, getting stuff off your chest, I just wanted to say that I haven't seen the thing with the kids mentioned by anyone and it really stood out to me, I feel what you mean to some extent, because for me it was a stronger reaction, albeit you probably won't feel the same and that's, obviously, perfectly fine. I have an instant recoil these days whenever a character is around kids for like one second and everyone instantly goes "THEY LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM/THAT'S THEIR CHILD/THEY'RE A PARENT"... genuinely sick of it, and I went white as a sheet when I heard it, I wanted to pluck my eyes out. I don't know if it's an American thing but English speaking fandoms (well, those teeming with fancops that is) seem like they cannot process adult looking characters being in any near proximity to childlike characters without automatically imposing parenthood and family dynamics and it's becoming distressing to me. I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the ask!! I don’t get many asks so it makes me happy when I can talk meta with people 💛💛 (Sorry I’m a bit late in answering.)

Funnily enough I actually do agree with you. I didn’t have quite so strong a reaction, but I definitely had a very similar one when I first hear it.

My feelings were and are a bit mixed. I was saying in my other post that I would have preferred that I got to actually see this interaction; see the kids run by him and call him father, and him smile when no ones looking. I still think that would have been a better, more touching way to do the scene, and would have had more chance of me liking it (though I probably still would have felt very weird about it). (I think it especially would have been better because it would show that Alucard himself liked it, not that Greta was forcing the role on him.) I know that it was meant to be something touching, and pretty much everyone seems to like it (and I have seen some cute posts about it), so I just tried to like it too, and focus on the fact that all they were really trying to say was he was having a nice relationship with the kids, and that was indeed sweet.

But yeah, when I heard Greta say “I heard some of them calling you father” for me it was less a reaction of horror, and more a “HUH??!!”moment. When I heard it I was like “Alucard...you agree with this???!! This is how you see yourself??!!” I almost expected Alucard to refute it and say he didn’t see himself as a father to them. Like I seriously do not see Alucard as anything remotely close to a father figure, and it felt weird and wrong to me.

Like when I saw him interacting with the kids the first time, I didn’t think “oh he’s a father figure to them.” I just thought “yay, Alucard’s playing with some kids, and getting out of his bubble!!” I didn’t have any thoughts as to what his relationship role was with them, I just thought that first interaction was lovely.

And if I saw him interacting with the kids again, I still wouldn’t go “father figure” I’d just be like “yay, Alucard’s playing with the kids again, how sweet!!”

Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need a role or a label, ya know?

And I thought it was especially strange because…he literally just met them?? Like how can they possibly start calling him father when he’s played with them once or twice? Regardless of Alucard’s side or things, what group of kids would randomly call a nice man they just met ‘father’? Is...Is this a normal thing??

Anyways, back to Alucard’s side of things, Sypha’s line about Alucard being a teenager trapped an adults body has always been something that stuck with me and shaped how I view Alucard. I definitely view him as internally much younger than he looks. No matter how much I might hate them for what they did to him, I think Sumi and Take are about the age he actually is, and their relationship with him made sense to me. He’s still a kid—or at least young—he still needs his parents in his life, really. (That’s part of why I didn’t like that Drac and Lisa don’t go to him at the end. I personally don’t think Alucard really got closure, and in my mind I think he still very much needed them, and that would have been the perfect ending to his story in my mind, where everything comes full circle; He was forced to lose his parents and grow up too early, and only when he’s started to truly grow up does he get them back.) So yeah, I really don’t see him like a father at all. One of my main focuses in my Castlevania fanfiction is his relationship with Dracula, so I very much see him as the son, not as the dad, even when Drac isn’t around.

(Sidenote, come to think of it, I think this is another reason why Greta x Alucard is a nope from me. She’s very much an adult, so I just see a discrepancy between them that makes me feel weird about them being in a romantic relationship. If we need a label I feel like she fits as an older sister for him, guiding him and giving him support. Him unloading all his problems on her within just meeting her makes more sense if he’s like a younger brother who needs to cry to his sister. I felt weird about it in a romantic context when it was so fast. I mean I know he was desperate to talk to someone, and I probably would have done the same, but still).

“I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me”

^^ THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

I was honestly really hoping they’d go in depth into him dealing with his trauma, and how he’s still hurting from the wounds of it, and how he needs to heal. I thought that’s what his S4 arc would be about. I don’t think they gave him the chance to really process and work through everything that happened. (Again, I don’t think him just unloading all his problems on a nice stranger is truly working through his trauma. I would have much rather watched him struggle to trust her, and him telling her about his trauma happen later, and be difficult for him, and a deep, heartfelt moment).

Like I was saying in my other post, I think if they framed his arc in how he dealt with the town collectively, I think that would have fit better, and been more touching and satisfying. I would have liked to see him struggling to trust humans, and then see as time progressed how several different people in the town liked him and meant him no harm, and how he realized he could trust them, and that he liked them too. It wasn’t that he had a bad romantic partner and needed a new one. He believed he needed to be punished for killing his father, and in his deep loneliness he let these kids into his house and heart, and they turned on him because he was half vampire. That’s something pretty deeply ingrained, and not something a new romance just fixes by existing. He needed to work through that in a much deeper way.

I know this is gonna be a very unpopular opinion, and it's totally cool if you disagree, but in a weird way... I sort of disliked Alucard’s ending. Don’t get me wrong, Im glad he’s happy, and I’d certainly prefer it to him just getting more trauma like last season (*shudders*), and I don’t think him opening up his castle (and his heart) to humanity is a bad way to end his story, certainly not. I think that fits. And my heart did melt a bit at the "I'm weirdly happy" scene. But, where everyone else is like “*sobbing* happy endings for all our faves” ...I see the creators of the show trying to wrap everything up in a neat little bow, and while that’s certainly not all bad, I don’t love every aspect of that. Theres a time and place for that, but a show based on video games, for which there’s more content in these storylines isn’t one of them in my mind.

Sometimes some of the sadness needs to linger. At the very least, let it linger at the beginning of the season so you can work through it in a powerful way, you know? It may have been tough to see Alucard be more closed off, but I think it would have been more satisfying to see him open up his heart and go back to his old self if we saw his trauma leave lingering effects at the beginning.

To me it didn’t feel like a satisfying arc, it felt like the fairytale ending of “oh look he’s not apprehensive about humanity even after what happened! Oh look he got the girl! And the Castle’s a happy place now! Look he’s not sad anymore! He’s even a father figure to these kids! He’s totally moved on!” And all those things can be awesome when done properly, and when they have depth to them. But they didn’t work through the trauma to get there, so it felt surface level to me, and too fast. I really liked that first episode, and how we saw the two sides of him—one that's become more closed off, and the other that still buries the human despite his comments—and I also really liked the first interaction with the kids, and thought that was one of the few interactions that had depth to it and fit with his arc well. Having it go beyond “they’re helping him learn to like and trust humanity again, and displaying who he really is inside” ended up detracting from the power of his relationship with them in my mind.

Having played SOTN, I think an ingrained loneliness and sadness are, in a way, a key part of Alucard’s character. That sounds really sad and awful out loud but…there are some people that just have a sadness or a loneliness to them, and that's not entirely bad. Here’s the thing…it can make them that much more beautiful. The fact that they still fight for good, even when they see all the dark, those moments when they find true friends, despite how alone they are, those moments when they are happy, are so much more powerful. They just are always a bit…separate from other people. One of my favorite lines in anything is the line "We are connected by our darkness, not by our light" in Pandora Hearts. I think it's a line that fits Alucard well, and it’s always something that’s drawn me personally to him. Don't get me wrong, I don’t think Alucard’s all dark and sad and lonely, he’s definitely got a bright side to him too, of course he does. But I also don't think he ever is able to fully accept the vampire side of himself, and I find that interesting, and worth exploring. Personally I was honestly hoping for the show makers to come up with a bittersweet reason for why he went to sleep for 300 years, (and I thought that's why they set things up with Sumi and Taka that he’d have something against his vampire nature). Personally it felt like they were trying to say “oh he’s all better now, he’ll never be sad or lonely again” and while that’s nice I suppose…for me it sort of…stops feeling like Alucard, in a way? I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if that sounds terrible...😅

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I do agree that’s very common of fandom that people are like “boom! Just add water! Instant father figure!” and I don’t love it either. Sometimes it can be cute if it truly fits, but it doesn’t fit every relationship between an adult-looking character and a kid character, and shouldn't be the first place people go to. In the same way every relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, not every relationship has to be parental/familial either. Sometimes it feels like fandom culture isn't really okay to have some characters just be good friends. A good friendship can be more wonderful than a romance sometimes.

If we have to put a label on it, I think he seemed like a nice older brother figure to them? I think that fits who he is in my mind. But father? Nope. Not for me. And again, I don’t think it needs a label.

Thanks again for sending me this ask!! It was nice to get the chance to work through some more of my feelings here too. Sorry if I went too overboard. And I hope I don’t sound too terribly negative, it really was a great season, and I definitely liked some parts of his arc, just not all of it.

If you or anyone else reading would like to discuss with me more, be my guest!! 💕

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thelastspeecher · 5 years ago

Text

I can’t think of a good title, so I’m not gonna give this a title.

A little while ago, I got in a major mood for my Stay-at-Home Stan AU (my AU where Stan becomes a stay-at-home dad), to the point that I wanted to write a thing for it, but couldn’t think of one. Luckily, @bluestuffeh came up with a premise. So, here’s Stan, the legendary stay-at-home dad, helping Ford, the legendary mess, with a parenting problem.

Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

Stan strolled into the house, whistling. He dropped his keys in the bowl by the door.

Well, this is what life is gonna be like when the girls finally start school. His hands on his hips, he looked around the living room. Danny and Daisy had just been dropped off at some summer program being thrown by the local library. They were finally old enough to do the activities alone, so Stan was trying to get used to spending the day at home on his own. After all, they would be starting kindergarten in the fall.

“What am I supposed to do?” Stan muttered to himself.

It’s been so long since I did something other than take care of them. I forgot what I can do with free time. Stan frowned thoughtfully. Hobbies are a thing, right? I haven’t been able to have hobbies for five years. What did I like before I became a dad? I know there was at least one thing.

“You could always do some cleaning,” Angie’s voice said in the back of Stan’s mind. Stan thought on that for a moment.

Nah. Trying to remember what hobbies I have is better. Before Stan could spend any more time thinking, the phone rang. He sighed in relief. Good. Coming up with hobbies sucks. He walked over to the phone.

“McGucket residence,” he said, picking up the phone. “Stan speaking.”

“Stanley, good, I- I need your help,” Ford’s voice said desperately. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What did you do this time?”

“Nothing!”

“Really? The last two times you needed my help, it was ‘cause ya made a deal with a demon or weren’t observing proper lab safety.”

“I disagree with Angie’s assessment of my behavior in the lab.”

“She’s got a PhD, too, Ford. And I trust her a bit more with science, since she’s never grown wings.”

“Despite you calling her your angel,” Ford muttered. Stan flushed. During his last visit, Ford had overheard Stan trying out new pet names for Angie. And he refused to let Stan live it down.

“All right, guess ya don’t need my help, then,” Stan said briskly.

“No, wait! I- I really do,” Ford said quickly. “But it’s not because of something affecting me. It’s Tate.” That got Stan’s attention. He straightened.

“Did another supernatural whatsit try to adopt him?” he asked.

“No, he’s sick.”

“Okay. What’s he sick with?”

“He claims it’s the flu, but his symptoms don’t align with influenza.” Ford’s panic was evident in his voice. Stan could picture Ford running his hands through his hair, practically pulling it out in distress. “He also says he’s had it before! Stanley, what’s-”

“Geez, Sixer, calm down,” Stan said, exasperated. “Kids get sick all the time. Don’t you remember how often we puked our guts up when we were Tate’s age?”

“Um. Yes?”

“Look, it’s probably nothing. Just ask Fidds what to do.”

“He’s not here.”

“Where is he?”

“A conference.” Ford’s voice rose in pitch. “Stanley, it’s the first time I’ve been left in charge of Tate on my own!”

“Really?” Stan asked. “He’s lived in Gravity Falls with you and Fidds for a year.” Ford spluttered for a few moments.

“I- his ex-step-mother doesn’t have much faith in my childcare abilities, and she still has partial custody of him, so legally she has a say in who watches him.”

“Right.” Stan rubbed his forehead. “Jenny still hates your guts, huh?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Stanley, I don’t know what to do, what if Tate’s seriously ill? He’s clearly delirious if he’s claiming he has influenza and he’s vomiting,” Ford said in a rush. Stan raised an eyebrow.

“He’s puking?”

“Yes! I know we vomited as children, but-”

“Ford. He doesn’t have the actual flu.”

“Of course not, his symptoms-”

“He’s got stomach flu.”

“…What?” Ford asked, dumbfounded. Stan leaned against the wall, playing with the phone cord.

“Stomach flu. The girls had it last year. I’ve seen some messes, but twin toddlers exploding from both ends? Might have been the worst.”

“What’s a stomach flu?”

“You-” Stan kneaded his forehead. “How do you not know what the stomach flu is? You’ve got a doctorate!”

“Not in medicine!”

“Yeah, but-” Stan huffed. “You’re falling into that trap of having so much education you forgot the basics.”

“Pardon?”

“Angie does it sometimes. She says that because she’s learned so much in her specialty, she sometimes forgets the things people first learn.” Stan adjusted his position. “Anyways, stomach flu is called…I forget the science word for it. It’s not the actual flu, it’s an infection of your digestive tract. Or something like that.” Stan frowned. “Uh, the girls had…I think it’s called a rotavirus. Most adults aren’t very vulnerable to it, but kids get them a lot. Could be what Tate has. If it is, all ya gotta do is manage his symptoms and wait for him to get better on his own.” Ford was silent for a moment.

“How do you know so much about this?” he asked quietly.

“Whenever anyone in her family gets sick, Angie goes nuts researching the illness.” Stan sighed. “It always makes her more paranoid, so I don’t really like it.”

“Why do you let her do it?”

“I can’t ‘let’ my wife do anything, Stanford.” Stan stretched. “It’s not super harmful for her to do, so I just complain a bit. She usually backs off once she realizes what she’s doing. Anyways, when the girls got their stomach bug, she rattled off all sortsa stuff about it. Even while she was sleeping.”

“She’s a sleeptalker?”

“Yeah.” Stan grinned. “It’s somethin’ else when someone who’s dead asleep is giving you a science lecture.”

“Hmm.” Ford cleared his throat. “So, this is likely a viral intestinal infection?”

“Probably.”

“So there’s no reason for me to take him to the emergency room?”

“Sweet Moses, Ford, no! Don’t do that!” Stan yelped.

“Wh-”

“You’ll just run up a bill and the docs ‘ll send ya away with Pepto-Bismol. Not to mention, shit sometimes goes down at ERs. Just keep him home and make sure he drinks plenty of fluids. Make him soup, give him juice and water. Has he had the Hershey squirts yet?” Stan asked. Ford let out a long-suffering sigh.

“No, Tate has not had any diarrhea.”

“He probably will. Be prepared for that.”

“Great,” Ford mumbled. “…Thank you, Stanley.”

“No problem, Sixer.” Stan chewed on his lip. “Next time-”

“Next time?!”

“Ford, I literally told you five minutes ago that kids get sick all the time. Kids are germ factories that play with other germ factories and don’t know not to eat dirt.”

“I knew not to eat dirt,” Ford muttered.

“Well, not all kids do. Tate’s gonna get sick again. And again. And again. Part of being a parent is dealing with that. Calmly. You can’t act like the world’s ending every time Tate pukes. Take it in stride. Give him some 7-Up and crackers, let him lay down and watch TV, and just keep an eye on him. Nine times outta ten, kids puke once and then they’re fine.”

“What if Tate gets worse?”

“Then you take him to see the doc. But you don’t make a big deal outta it. Kids pick up on how grownups act. If a grownup is panicking, kids are gonna panic, too. Even if you wanna scream, you keep it to yourself.” Ford was silent.

“I feel I’ve become a fool, Stanley,” he said after a moment.

“Nah. You’re just a first-time parent. You think I was this good at being a dad when I started out? No! I freaked out all the time! You get used to it. And if you feel like you’re doing something wrong, you can always call me. The girls are doing a thing at the library all summer, so I’m home alone during the day.” Stan grinned. “I kinda like telling my genius brother things he didn’t know, anyways.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Ford said. Stan could hear the eye roll in Ford’s voice. “I…I really do appreciate that, though. Fiddleford will be gone for a few more days. I’ve prepared as best as I can, but-”

“Kids torpedo all your plans,” Stan said, nodding.

“Yes.”

“Now that you’ve calmed down a bit, you should probably go check on Tate. Make sure you set him up near a bathroom and make him some soup. Tate likes the canned cream of chicken.”

“I believe we have some of that in the kitchen.”

“Warm it up for him, then. And get off the phone. I’ll help you with big things, but I’m not gonna hold your hand for this part. You know how to take care of a stomach bug.”

“…Yes, I do.” Ford chuckled softly. “Suddenly, I can recall all of the times we became sick with clarity.”

“Yep. Panicking makes you ignore things sometimes.”

“You are correct.” Ford took a breath. “Thank you, again.”

“No problem. Go take care of your kid.”

“I will. Goodbye.”

“Bye.” Stan hung up the phone. He looked up at the ceiling blankly for a few minutes, wistfully remembering some of Danny and Daisy’s firsts. After a while, he broke free of the memories. He was glad to have had those moments with his daughters, but he was also glad they were in the past. Panicked phone calls to Angie’s parents weren’t something he missed. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“So…what hobbies do dads have?”

#I've said it before and I'll say it again: dad Stan is best Stan #DAD STAN IS BEST STAN HE'S SO QUALITY #that man was MEANT to be a dad #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #Stay at Home Stan AU #ficlet #my writing #my stuff #speecher speaks

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secret-engima · 5 years ago

Note

You've got so much sad stuff for the Stand Strong AU, do you have any positive headcannons for it?

YES OF COURSE. Just- angst comes easily to me.

-Prompto has the entirety of the Kingsglaive as his doting older siblings. They love him. Would happily murder for him. They take great pleasure spending their days off playing with him and teaching him Cool Things (Luche made the mistake of teaching Prompto the art of Paintball Wars, now the teams fight over who gets the Prodigy Bby Sniper on their team because he’s basically a guaranteed win).

-Prompto also has a posse of little Galahdian kiddos in Little Galahd that he plays with, they are more than happy to include Noctis in their Pack and games after Prompto befriends the prince and drags him down there to play.

-Amissa adopts Prompto. Straight up adopts him. With Cor’s help because nobody is going to sneer at the Marshal’s new choice of parent for this poor bby.

-Everybody picture one of Noctis’s first Heats after he Matures. He is tired, and achy, and still not used this Heat thing, and MISERABLE, and for whatever reason he’s not in his quarters huddled up with Ignis. Gladiolus also isn’t there for whatever reason. Titus finds him. Titus’s brain instantly kicks into “bby. Distressed Bby. MY DISTRESSED BBY NOW HUSH BBY I WILL PROTECC YOU” and he scoops up the princeling and carries him around looking for Regis (because what is he doing his kingly duties can wait the PUP IS DISTRESSED HERE). Titus purrs gently and lets his scent out JUST A TEENY BIT, just so Noctis can relax at having a big, gentle alpha to cuddle with.

-Everybody picture the looks on the Citadel people’s faces when they spot Titus piggybacking Noctis around, the little Omega purring up a storm and nuzzling a stoic-faced Titus every few seconds, then hissing in that way kittens do when they’re trying to be fierce but are actually tooth-rottingly adorable whenever someone other than his dad tries to take him away from Titus (Titus’s bass growl is considerably less cute and far more effective).

-Titus interrupts a council meeting to stride in with Noctis and gently plop the pup on his father’s lap, turns to leave and visibly FREEZES when Noctis whimpers for him and grabs his sleeve.

-Spends the rest of the very awkward meeting standing RIGHT by Regis’s chair, staring at the wall with a blank expression as if that will hide the fact that Noctis is happily sleeping in his dad’s lap and using Titus’s hand as a cuddle toy. Or that the deep, bass purr filling the room is NOT coming from any of the non-Galahdians in the room.

-All hail Amissa’s Momming habits. She uses her job as janitor to smuggle Proper Galahdian Food to the glaives. She also takes to leaving Cor snacks on his desk. Cor would appreciate the gesture more if she didn't somehow keep doing it while he’s there and yet completely escape his notice until he looks up and there’s the snack/sandwich/whatever.

-Everybody picture Noctis learning traditional Galahdian songs from the glaives after he gets the chance to know them. Everybody picture an off-duty lounge room filled with hardened, scentless soldiers all plopped down on the floor happily teaching a little Pup how to Properly Sing and getting into play fights over who gets to teach him the next one.

-Ignis learning to cook Proper Galahdian Food everybody. He has way too much fun with the spices, and the Galahdians only encourage him (RIP the tongues of anyone not of Galahdian blood, Cor Leonis crazy, or Galahdian-adopted).

-Gladiolus and Tredd have a hugely competitive Big Bro-Little Bro relationship. Gladiolus will constantly come looking for a spar, Tredd will happily indulge him and then mock him for “losing to an omega” every time Tredd flips Gladio on his back.

-Axis Arra is the Well Meaning Ghost of the glaives. Scary stealthy 80% unintentionally, he’s just that quiet and took to Amissa’s stealth lessons a little too well. Once the glaives and Regis come to a Proper Understanding, Regis likes to have Axis as his second guard during official functions because the man can alternate between Complete Invisibility and Scaring The Pants off annoying nobles by “appearing” at random.

-Galahdians will sing at the drop of any hat. It’s like a freaking musical down in Little Galahd, all you have to do is start singing something louder than a whisper and soon you have like twenty people joining in and kids dancing on beat.

-After Amissa and Cor FINALLY get into an official relationship, Amissa is required to attend some official function. Juno, Clarus’s wife, helps her get dressed in something fancy. Amissa finds it insta-worth it when she sees Cor waiting at the bottom of the steps and gets to see him visibly double-take and then lose all his words at the sight of her.

-Cor and Amissa are casual cuddlers. They don’t do it in public and don't make a big deal of it but these two are absolutely two giant cats and will flop on each other, lean on each other, nuzzle each other for literally no reason other than they love each other. It’s not like they intend to be a cuddly couple or are overly sappy, they just- like being near each other, feeling each other’s presence and knowing the other is okay. Thus, casual cuddles.

-Titus has two kids. He adopted them after their mother was killed even though the age gap between them isn’t all that large. He loves them dearly but doesn’t see them often as they currently roam Lucis with HIS adopted dad. This is both for safety reasons and because the daughter of the two has Wanderlust issues and her older brother is Overprotective. Their names are Stella and Virgil. He adores them even though he doesn’t see them for months at a time (don’t worry they’re teenagers, not kiddos, and are old enough to enjoy travel with their adopted grandad).

-Speaking of grandad- Titus and Amissa are adopted! They got adopted when they were teenagers and so were already feral jungle children but that’s okay because their adoptive dad is Just As Bad At Biology as they are. If not more so. He was something of a hermit/wanderer before he met them but stuff happened and he eventually decided that Someone Needed To Dad these two and the only person who was available was him and so even if he’s bad at this he guesses he has two teenagers now.

-What does he do with them how does he Dad. What do you mean you know nothing about Secondary Genders? Oh. Well. He doesn’t know anything either his father never bothered to explain it as a kid and his mother was dead so....

-Oh well it probably doesn’t matter that much who wants to know some tips for killing things with a pointy stick for food and how to make potions from natural ingredients?

-Not gonna say much more on Amissa’s adoptive dad other than that he Travels A Lot and he loves his two adopted kiddos and all the Glaives (who call him either grandad or gruncle) and has probably way too much fun enabling Stella’s Wanderlust. Also the first meeting between him and Cor is gonna be ... interesting. XP

#SE asks #anon asks #Stand Strong Verse #Secret Engima Rambles

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spideyy-girl · 5 years ago

Text

Dating Richie Tozier Would Include...

Request by anon: hey are u writing richie fics??? if so can you just do one where he realizes he really loves her or just a dating richie fic?

Summary: pretty simple,,, what it would be like if you were dating the infamous “trash mouth” of Derry (spoiler it’s fukin awesome)

Fandom: IT

Warnings: swearing, abusive parents are mentioned, serious injuries and talking of death, making out

Word Count: 1480 (4.3 pages)

A/N: so this was requested in May and to the anon who did request this I’m so sorry it took so long! Also, I hope you don’t mind that I did a headcanon instead cause I just had so much to say. But anyways hope you enjoy!

~~~

Dating Richie is just so like nice and just perfect

you guys would've met a long time ago, he defended you when Henry Bowers tried to take your animal crackers in kindergarten

and ever since then you two were thick as thieves

being the closest friends out of the entire Losers club

you started to get feelings for him in sixth grade...

it was one of the many nights when he had come over to your house in the late hours of the night due to his mother drinking again or another family issue

you had stayed up and let him rant to you, holding his hand in yours and gently brushing your thumb against his knuckles as he tried to keep his tears at bay

he hated crying in front of you more than anyone

after he had gotten everything out he was exhausted

he fell asleep right away as you were finding extra pillows

still dressed in his jean shorts and stupid hawaiian shirt

you had seen it many time before but this time it triggered something in you and you knew you were fucked

you not being able to hide your feeling for him and told him two weeks later

you never kept any secrets from the other so it was bound to happen

but thank god he felt the same whoo

and this BOY he was just so EXCITED like YES

after you turn around he definitely starts dancing and pumping his fist in the air

you catch him doing it too

your first date is at the arcade (obviouslyyyyyy)

he teaches you how to play mortal combat

you guys get slushies and it somehow ends up in spilling the entire thing on each other

"SLUSHIE FIGHT"

but as I was saying he's just really the perfect boyfriend right y'know

cause he's already your best friend and you guys aren't awkward and you can trust him and tell stupid jokes to each other

but also Richie has a soft side (fight me on this)

tells you stupid pick up lines, gets you little gifts and flowers, always spoiling you with little things like that

is SOOO into pda but only if you're comfortable with it of course

soft pecks: YES

forehead kisses: MORE YES

hand kisses: BIG YES

hand holding: ALL THE TIME

hugs: EVERY DAY

always has to be touching you, sorta clingy but in a good way

especially after the events of IT, he is always nervous and always has to have his hands on you

because you got seriously hurt during the events of the Well House in the final battle

this poor boy thought you weren't gonna make it and was just so distressed

staying by your side at your hospital bed every single day without fail (not like he had many other people to be with)

crying silently into your hand when he was alone

but when you woke up he was so happy he started to cry more

showers you in kisses and cries to you about how scared he was about you leaving him and his nightmares about the clown from the sewers

slips the big L-word while rambling without even realizing it

and even though you guys are young you knew that you felt the same way, but would save that conversation for later

when your nurse walks in to check on you she finds you and Richie asleep on the tiny hospital bed, cuddling

his head was on your shoulder and your hands were threaded through his long black hair, that was pretty greasy but you didn't mind

his glasses fell off a while ago and cracked but neither of you really cared

Richie practically living with you after his household becomes too much so he's just always over

him always acting like an angel when he's around your parents and them actually loving him and basically adopting him

him wanting your parents to think he's a good influence because all of his other friend's parents despise him for some reason

OMG SLEEPOVERS

your mom and dad wouldn't think much of it before agreeing like once a week since you used to have them all the time when you were younger and before you were dating

you two making out in your room and Richie being really nervous because "what if they just come in?"

(they never do anyways)

doing dumb karaoke sing-alongs to songs like africa and bohemian rhapsody

MOVIE MARATHONS

would usually consist of multiple star wars movies and stupid romcoms that your mom has a stash of

groaning at all the cheesy scenes even though they were exactly like the two of you in real life

cuddling on the couch and sharing a blanket awwww

him feeding you popcorn as you're watching the movies AWWWW

you guys eventually tire yourselves out and sleeping on the couch LIKE JUST SO GODDAMN CUTE WOW

you guys go to your first school dance together

Richie bicycles to your house and makes sure to bring you the nicest bouquet of flowers not so much money could buy

he was for some reason so nervous, like his palms were sweating as he rang the doorbell, and was constantly smoothing down the one regular white button-up shirt he owned

when he sees you in your cute little dress with your hair done in little curls and the small amount of makeup your mother had done for you, he felt like he was gonna faint

how did he get so damn lucky like... SERIOUSLY

little did he know you were thinking the exact same thing as you smiled brightly back at him

you guys had an absolute ball, dancing all night like crazy people, not even caring about the popular kids at school judging you

slow dancing at the end of the night to put your head on my shoulder and it being really sweet

him kissing you at the end, and even though it's still awkward middle school kissing it was just the best thing ever

"I sorta think I may be in love with you"

"I know, you told me last month"

going into highschool still strong as ever just POWER COUPLE

still being nerds and bullied a lot but also everyone wanted to be you cause your relationship together was PERFECT

you guys had one small fight in junior year because of some nasty freshmen were trying to get him to ask them to prom

the poor boy was absolutely oblivious and didn't know what was happening until you started yelling at him

you guys break up during the summer but just before school starts he shows up at your door with a big teddy bear, a bog full of chocolate, a handpicked bouquet of daisies, and a very practised apology

you couldn't help but run into his arms again

you went through everything in life together after that, graduation, college, getting jobs, finding a place to live, and eventually getting married and having a family together

you guys have one little girl named Annie and she's just so perfect

her being such a daddy's girl and having Richie wrapped around her little finger

Richie is the best dad imaginable, despite his not so similar upbringing, going as far as to play dress up and having tea parties with his little girl

living in a cute apartment together in new york, where Richie worked as a radio host for one of the biggest stations in the country

your loves being complete and everything was just how it was supposed to be finally

well, that is until you guys get the phone call from your childhood friend Mike

when IT comes back Richie insists you don't come with him back to Derry, saying that you had to go watch the Annie while he was away

you gave up after a long few days of fighting over it

never being able to sleep since whenever you closed your eyes all you could see was that stupid clown hurting your husband

always keeping Annie close to you all the time and never letting her leave your sight, even though you no longer lived in Derry, or Maine even and there was technically no threat towards you guys

when he gets home you've never been happier in your life

taking Annie to the airport to pick him up and running into his arms when you finally see him, your little girl in your arms as well

"It's over now, it's gone for good this time"

you guys grow old together, and are both really happy and love to recall useless memories from when you were children and everything turns out great

wow honestly I'm crying at this point

you guys are just so damn perfect and everything is perfect I love this

okay sorry I'm done now have fun

~~~

TAGS:

Permanent: @phonegalhelp @caswinchester2000 @gwenebear @morganvanilla

Let me know if you want to be added to a taglist!

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier #richie tozier headcanons #headcanon #it #it 2017 #it chapter 2

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batskulldrag · 5 years ago

Text

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

home stretch kiddies.

warnings for discussion of abuse. Emile briefly discusses confronting an active shooter, but no details are used. Payton used homophobic and transphobic views.

Chapter Fifteen: Pompeii by Bastille

“Your Honor.” Payton’s Lawyer stated. “Our case will not only prove that my client is a fit parent and that the plaintiffs are unfit to parent.”

“Present your evidence.” His Honor waved his hand.

“I would like to call to the stand Mrs. Lefant, Virgil’s English teacher, to the stand.”

A pleasant looking lady made her way up. As she swore to tell only the truth Patton felt Virgil’s grip on his hand tighten.

Patton silently rubbed his back. He didn’t have any words of comfort to offer. In fact, he was panicking. They didn’t have any witnesses to call up. Now it really was their word against his.

“Mrs. Lefant,” Payton’s lawyer began. “How would you describe Mr. Foster’s relationship with his son?”

“Well, from what I saw he absolutely doted on the boy.” She answered. “Payton was always at parent/teacher meetings, supervised class trips and brought Virgil to all his extracurriculars.”

“Did Virgil ever express any problems with his home life?”

“No, in fact we all asked him if anything was the matter when his grades started dropping, and he insisted that everything was fine.”

“If I may, Your Honor,” Janus rose, much like a snake when it’s being charmed. “I would like to inquire if Mrs. Lefant noticed any bruises on Virgil or any signs of anxiety.”

“You may.” The judge nodded.

“Mrs. Lefant?” Janus looked straight at her.

“Well, he was usually nervous later in the day and was very afraid whenever he had to present something to the class. And we expected that anxiety was the reason he went from A’s to F’s.”

“That’s quite a plummet.” Janus nodded. “What did his father have to say about that?”

“Payton insisted that everything was fine at home, he was sure that Virgil just wasn’t applying himself like he used to.” She made a face. “Mr. Foster was adamant that mental illnesses didn’t exist, and that they need to be ignored rather than treated.”

“Did Virgil ever have any anxiety or panic attacks?” Janus glided forward.

“Yes, he had a panic attack in the middle of a debate once.”

“And as a mandatory reporter, if you had thought that Mr. Foster’s attitude was problematic you would have reported it.” Payton’s lawyer added quickly.

“I did.” She replied. “But nothing came of it. So, I just assumed that I had overreacted.”

“Meaning that Child Protective Services had deemed Mr. Foster a fit parent after all.” Payton’s lawyer finished off.

“I suppose.” She nodded.

“No further questions, Mrs. Lefant.” Payton’s lawyer nodded.

“Mr. Pent, do you have further questions?” The judge asked.

“No, Your Honor.”

“Then.” Payton’s lawyer added. “We shall call our next witness.”

“Another one.” Virgil whispered shakily. “I’m screwed.”

“It’s ok, baby. It’s gonna be ok.” Patton shushed.

Payton brought up several more of Virgil’s former teachers. They all stated that Payton doted on Virgil and that they had no idea that any abuse was going on. Janus asked each of them if they noticed any bruising on Virgil or had any indication that he was anxious. They all agreed that they thought he had anxiety and that Payton insisted that he did not.

The pattern was broken when Virgil’s old wrestling coach came to the stand.

“Mr. Seller.” Jan cross examined. “Virgil mentioned that he quit wrestling, do you have any idea why?”

“Virgil was being teased by the other boys.” Mr. Seller replied. “I tried my best to put a stop to it, but in the end he just quit.”

“Why were they teasing him? Was he not good at the sport?”

“No, he was fantastic, and he really seemed to enjoy it. The teasing started after his father came to pick him up one day.”

“Oh, so they teased him because his dad always came to get him. And that made him a kind of daddy’s boy in their opinion?”

“No, actually that was the first time Payton had picked him up from practice. Before that, Virgil had always gone home on the late bus.”

“So, why would they tease him?” Janus bobbed like a dancing cobra.

“Payton let it slip that Virgil had a bedwetting problem. And of course, we all know how kids are.”

“Odd that he would bring up something so personal the first time he ever came to a practice.” Janus tapped his fingers together.

“I found it a bit weird as well. Virgil clearly wasn’t comfortable with him bringing it up. But Payton came off as a bit naive at times, so we all assumed that he didn’t mean any harm.”

“Did you find it odd that Virgil was wetting the bed at that age? Isn’t that a serious symptom of emotional distress?”

“Of course. But when I asked him if everything was alright at home, he was very adamant that everything was fine. And he refused to talk about the bedwetting altogether.”

“Did you find that odd?”

“Yes, but I assumed that he was just embarrassed.”

“So, just to make sure I have this all down.” Jan smiled. “Virgil was on the wrestling team, Payton was not involved in that, and the only time Payton shows up he lets out some very embarrassing information. Am I correct?”

“Yes.”

“Did Payton do anything to counter this bullying that happened?”

“No.” Mr. Seller looked surprised. “Not that I know of.”

“Interesting.” Janus slid back to their table. “No further questions.”

“What else do you have for your case?” The judge looked to Payton and his lawyer.

“We have evidence that will cast doubt on the credibility of both Mr. Foster and Mr. Berry as well as Dr. Picani and their lawyer.”

“Ok.” Janus sighed, rising to his feet. “Your Honor, if I may hazard a guess, they are going to bring to light an incident in which my then boyfriend got himself high on mushrooms while we were camping with some friends. I myself remained sober, and had my face bashed in for my troubles.”

“Are you?” His Honor looked at them.

“Yes, Your Honor.” Payton’s lawyer nodded. “But I was also going to bring to light that after graduating law school, Mr. Janus Pent, changed his name.”

“Your Honor.” Ethen added. “I used to be a woman. I changed the spelling of my name from j-a-n-i-c-e to J-a-n-u-s. The earlier spelling didn’t really suit me anymore.”

Patton felt himself blush and looked around at everyone else. They looked uncomfortable too.

“In that case, Janice couldn’t commit to a gender, doesn’t that raise questions about “his” credibility?” Payton added.

“No.” Judge Douglass said. “What else do you have to say?”

“As stated earlier, Mr. Berry is on the Autistic spectrum.” Payton’s lawyer tried to save face.

“And this makes him an unfit parent why?” He looked confused.

“People on the spectrum have difficultly taking care of themselves, you couldn’t in good conscience let one have a child.”

“Mr. Berry.” The judge looked at Logan. “Stand up please.”

Logan rose.

“What do you do for work?” Judge Douglassr asked.

“I teach a high school statistics class, Your Honor.” Logan said stoically.

“Has being Autistic ever hindered you in any way?”

“I don’t understand metaphors or sarcasm. Aside from that I am fully able to take care of myself. I worked my way through college and made passing grades.”

“Are you violent or suicidal?” The judge asked.

“No, Your Honor.”

“That is all, be seated.”

Logan sat back down. He looked at Janus for help.

“We’re doing pretty good.” Janus whispered to them. “I think he’s almost done.”

“We also have proof that the younger Mr. Foster was diagnosed and takes medication for clinical depression. And that he is prone to sleepwalking.”

“So?” His Honor said blankly.

“So, susceptibility to that kind of diagnosis is telling of how gullible my brother is.” Payton added. “You wouldn’t hand a child over to a man who sent money to a Nigerian prince, so how is this any different? His so-called illness shows a weakness of character.”

“Mr. Pent.” Judge Douglass looked down at him. “That’s stupid. Is that all you had to discredit your brother with?”

“No, Your Honor.” Payton said. “Patton went to pieces after our mother passed away. I was worried for Virgil’s safety, so I left with him. And ended contact with my brother.”

“Why were you worried for your son’s safety?” The judge sighed.

“Patton was unstable, and I couldn’t be sure that he didn’t, well, put Mom out of her misery, so to speak.”

Patton tried to jump up, but Virgil was in his lap.

“Objection Your Honor.” Janus jumped to his feet. “That is unwarranted slander.”

“Hold on.” His Honor put a finger up. “You mean to tell me that you suspected your brother of murder and did nothing?”

“Well… I… didn’t think he’d do it again.” Payton stumbled.

“Then why was your son in danger?”

“I…”

“Objection sustained.” The judge looked at Janus.

“Furthermore.” Payton continued. “Logan was kicked out of his parent’s house because he wouldn’t get a job.”

“Logan’s financial records show that he was working at CVS from the age of sixteen until he was twenty-three. He was the assistant manager by the time he left to pursue teaching.” Janus countered. “Records also show that his parents disowned him when he came out as gay. There is a police report of the assault.”

“Was that your final claim?” The judge looked deeply unimpressed.

“We would also like to call to question the dependability of Dr. Picani, seeing as he both diagnosed Virgil and cleared Mr. Foster, the younger one, and Mr. Berry for adoption. Records prove that Dr. Picani, during his residency, stabbed someone.”

Judge Douglass growled in his throat.

“Dr. Picani, please stand up.” He sighed.

Emile stood up sheepishly.

“For the benefit of the court and to keep anyone else from bringing it up today, would you please tell the story?”

“While I was a resident at the hospital, a man came in with a gun. He was unstable and openly firing at people. I was trying to get people out of the hallway, and he came across me and a patient. He aimed at us, so, I stepped in front of my patient and tried to talk him down. Then I stabbed him in the ear with a pen. He dropped the gun and I took it. Security took him away.”

“What was the official verdict of the stabbing?”

“Self-defense.” Emile said, fidgeting with his tie. “I got a medal.”

“Very good, you can sit down now.” The judge looked back at Payton and the lawyer. “I assume you read the police report. So, why, after reading this report, did you think it would help your case?”

“In my defense your honor,” The lawyer said. “Confronting a shooter unarmed is not exactly the psychological profile of a stable individual.”

“Neither is yours.” The judge said flatly. “Custody is awarded to Mr. Foster and Mr. Berry.”

His honor hit his hammer on the desk thing.

“Wait, that’s all?” Patton mumbled as they stood up.

“We had more than enough.” Logan put his arm around him. “I told you.”

Virgil looked between them as if he were entranced.

“You were very brave up there, sweetie.” He pulled his anxious baby into a hug.

With shaking hands, Virgil grabbed his jacket and clutched it until his knuckles showed.

“Virgil,” Logan put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you understand what just happened?”

Virgil nodded from inside Patton’s jacket and Patton felt him go limp in his arms.

“I think he fainted again.” Patton tightened his grip.

“I’m still here.” Virgil mumbled. “I-I can’t feel my legs.”

“Yeah, he’s having a panic attack.” Logan nodded, feeling Virgil’s forehead. “We should get him home.”

Nodding in agreement, Patton picked Virgil up bridal style. He was a little heavy, but still only about a hundred pounds.

“I can walk.” Virgil protested dizzily.

No one really acknowledged his saying that for many reasons. The most obvious being that it clearly wasn’t true. They walked outside and Patton set Virgil on one of the steps. He had hoped that the fresh air would be good for him, but it was summer in Florida and the air was so thick that you could see it.

Once he was sitting down Virgil put his head between his knees and continued to gasp and cough.

“Are you ok baby?” Patton asked rubbing his back.

“Yeah…” He strained. “I’m fine.”

“Ok.” Logan pressed a pill into Virgil’s hand. “Take this.”

Virgil silently complied and Logan handed him a bottle of water.

“You two and water.” Virgil snorted.

“Water is a natural tranquilizer, and the most necessary thing for the human body second only to air.”

Virgil slammed half the bottle and put the lid back on.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“What in the world are you sorry for?” Patton pulled his anxious baby into his lap.

“I wasn’t supposed to freak out.” Virgil slumped into him. “I think I was supposed to be ecstatically happy or something.”

“Are you happy?” Logan asked, untying Virgil’s tie and unbuttoning his collar.

“Yes, I can’t remember ever being happier.” Virgil scoffed.

“Then what’s the problem?” Patton asked, punctuating it with a kiss.

“No one is asking you start singing songs from Annie.” Logan pushed his bangs back. “We both just want you to be content that it’s over now.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Virgil laughed. “It’s finally over.”

With that said, Virgil wrapped his arms around Patton like an octopus and started sobbing. Roman appeared and took a picture of the three of them on his phone.

“Really?” Logan looked at him blankly.

“Yes. The framing was perfect, and we need something for Patton’s scrap books.” Roman justified.

“It’s ok sweetie.” Patton cooed. “I know it’s a lot to take in. But now you have two dads instead of one rotten dad.”

Patton paused as the weight of what he had just said hit him. He was a dad! He had a baby now! Virgil really was his dark strange son! His baby, their baby! He and Logan both, they were dads now!

“Logan.” Patton squeaked, feeling tears already trailing down his cheeks. “We’re parents!”

“I realize that.”

“We have a son!”

“I know, I was there.” Logan laughed.

“We have a son, and his name is Virgil, and he’s ours! He’s our son!”

Logan wrapped his arms around both of them and started laughing. Roman took a picture of that too.

“Why are we laughing?” Virgil sniffed, pulling his head out of Patton’s chest.

“Because we’re happy.” Logan said quickly, ruffling Virgil’s hair.

“Are we now?” Virgil teased.

Patton put Virgil’s chin in his hands and peppered his face with dozens of tiny kisses.

“We’re as happy as we’ve ever been before.” He sniffled.

“I am too.” Virgil sighed, nestling himself into Patton’s chest again.

#Logicallity #parentalmoxiety #parentalanological #sanderssidesfic #humanau #pattonsanders #logansanders #platoniclamp #janussanders #famILY

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bamby0304 · 6 years ago

Text

Spanner in the Works- Ch.13

Series Masterlist

Summary: Your car breaks down, leaving you stranded in a small town. Waiting for your car to get the all clear, you find yourself getting closer to Sam Winchester, the handsome mechanic working on it. Will he be able to break down your walls? Or is this just a pit stop before you continue to run?

A/N: Check out the scent Sam from @scentsfromthebunker for a next-level fanfic experience!!

Warnings: Explicit language. Angst. Like… angst. Mentions of past abuse (child abuse). Mentions of death. Yeah… as Dean put it once… other shoe.

Bamby

The drive to Charlie’s was tense. You’d sat there trying to think of something to say, but before anything came to mind Dean had already pulled in front of the cafe. With a quick order to stay put, her left you sitting there in the Impala. Sighing, you dropped your head back against the seat as you twiddled your thumbs and over thought the situation.

Dean was important to Sam, and despite your fears and unease, Sam was quickly becoming someone important to you. So in the end, you felt the need to get on Dean’s good side.

It wouldn’t change things with you, though. Whether Dean liked you or not, you were doubtful it would help with your dilemma. Your likeability wouldn’t affect the fact that you were hovering on your fight or flight instincts. Part of you desperately wanted to get out while you still could… but then there was the other part. The desperate part. The part that had been on the run and lonely for far too long.

Since your car had broken down and Sam had picked you up, things had been nice- except for the part where you stood on glass. His family- for the most part- were welcoming, and so was the rest of the town. The place was so inviting that you really were tempted to find your own little corner and make the town your new home.

But even though the temptation was there, it was nowhere near as strong as your fear.

The car drivers side door opened before the car shifted under Dean’s weight as he got back in. “Charlie said we gotta wait. She’s backed up with orders,” he explained without looking at you. When you didn’t say anything, he grumbled, “An ex is inside and I thought it would be less awkward in here… but I’m starting to wonder.”

“It doesn’t have to be awkward,” you assured him.

“You’re as quiet as a mouse,” he countered.

“Because every time I talk you shut me down, or roll your eyes.” You watched him with a pointed look. “Pretty hard to make conversation with someone who hates you.”

Shifting on the spot, he curled his hands into fists against his knees before relaxing them. “I don’t hate you.”

“Coulda fooled me.” Turning your back on him, you looked out your own window.

Despite the fact Sam had insisted that Dean didn’t hate you, the way his brother treated you kinda contradicted him. From the moment you’d met Dean, it was like he’d wanted you gone. You honestly felt like he’d hated you from the moment he saw you sitting on the fold-out couch.

“This place, the town… it’s small,” he started. “Everyone knows everyone. I mean…” He paused a moment before gesturing to a lady walking along the path in front of the car. “You see that old lady there? That’s Mrs Sanders. A kooky lady who thinks she can talk to angels.”

Turning back in your seat, you watched him as he focused on what was happening outside of the car.

“And that kid?” He pointed to a little boy hopping along to miss the cracks on the path. “That’s Jack Kline, my best friends’ cousin. Curious little shit,” he mumbled under his breath as a small smile spread across his face. Then he continued searching. “And the couple sitting in the corner booth by the window?”

You turned to look at the diner and spotted said couple.

“Jesse and Cesar. Awesome dudes. Got engaged two months ago.” Dean scanned the area before nodding to some girls crossing the street. “Kaia, Patience, and Claire. They’re three of the sheriff's adopted kids.”

Watching Dean, you realised here wasn’t a single person in sight that he didn’t know. Everyone really did know everyone.

“I don’t hate you,” he noted, turning to catch your gaze. “I just don’t know you. There’s a difference. And because I don’t know you, I don’t trust you.”

“I don’t blame you, Dean. I get i-”

“No you don’t,” he argued as he leaned back in his seat. “I came home, hungover, and found this chick in my home. Of course I’m gonna be suspicious and defensive. But then I watched her get closer to my baby brother. I watched my parents bend over backwards for her. I watched the whole damn town welcome her with open arms. Meanwhile, I still know nothing about her.” He returned the pointed look you’d given him earlier.

Shifting on the spot, you listened to him intently as guilt began to fall on your shoulders.

“I don’t know where she’s from, or why she was in the middle of nowhere when her car broke down. Hell, I don’t even know her last name. No one does.” He shrugged. “And no one questions her, or her intentions, ‘cause she seems like this damsel in distress, and they all lap that shit up.”

Chewing on your lip, you found yourself lost for words. While you knew you didn’t have any bad intentions, that it was all a coincidence, and that you’ve been just as surprised with how welcoming everyone else has been, you didn’t know how to reassure Dean of that.

“So tell me… how am I supposed to act around a girl like that? How am I supposed to trust her?”

Dealing with conflict wasn’t a talent of yours. It was pretty obvious that you were avoidant when it came to any kind of confrontation- hence all your running- but it you were going to make any progress with Dean, you were going to have to face the music and speak.

“You could have tried,” you suggested. As soon as the words left your mouth, your eyes went wide. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”

Watching you carefully, he took a moment before shaking his head. “Not like I don’t deserve it. Keep going.”

Hesitating a moment, you took a shaky breath and averted your gaze before trying again, “You judged me the instant you saw me, and it only got worse. None of this has been easy on me,” you noted, earning a scoff.

“I’ll bet my left nut that Dad’ll let Sammy work on your car for free. He won’t charge you a cent.”

Brows furrowing, you looked up to meet his gaze again. “And that’s my fault, how? I don’t control your father’s decisions. And if you, for one second, think I’ll let him do something as stupid as that, then you’re an idiot. Which I never pegged you as. A jerk? Yes. An idiot? No.”

“Dad isn’t gonna charge you when you’d got nothing to give.”

“That’s not my fault either!” you snapped, and just like that the floodgates opened. “I didn’t have any of this!” You gestured to the town outside. “The family? The friends? The job waiting for when you were old enough to work. I had nothing. I love my family before I started school. And then I was tossed into the system like trash. I had no one, so I moved from foster family to foster family. I was beaten, and forgotten, and abused! I was someone’s meal ticket. And whenever someone did get close to me, I lost them, too.”

Your throat began to tighten as the memories flooded your head and heart.

“I’m not talking about leaving them. Dean, every person I’ve gotten close to has died. Anyone who has shown a ounce of care towards me, has died. So when I got tired of hurting people, I ran. I worked a few small jobs, saved up money, and hit the road. Everything in that car is everything I owe. Everything I am.”

Sitting there, staring at you wide eyed, Dean was frozen. For the first time since you’d met him, Dean had nothing to say.

“Now you know.” Turning away from him, crossing your arms over your chest, you thought to control the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. “Go get the food, Dean. I don’t want to keep your dad and Sam waiting.”

“I… I’m sorry,” he mumbled before slipping out of the car.

Once he was finally gone, you let the first of many tears escape as you began to drown in years of pain and loss.

Bamby

#sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fic #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #spanner in the works

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tonystarkstan · 6 years ago

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When Peter goes to college, he misses Tony.

And yeah, that was always going to be the case, was practically a given, but after - after everything they’d been through, they were closer than father and son. They lived in a constant loop of giving and receiving, of grounding each other.

When Peter has nightmares, Tony always slides into the bed next to him, holding him close and reminding him that, “I’m here, you’re here, it’s okay, we’re okay,” and running his hands through the boy’s soft curls until he drifts off to sleep again, comforted by the gentle rhythm of Tony’s heartbeat.

And whenever Tony forgets to eat and stops sleeping entirely, going mad with the need to keep adding updates to Peter’s suit to make him nearly invincible and ensure he’s never torn from them again, Peter walks in and takes his mentor’s shaking hands to remind Tony that he’s safe and not going anywhere.

So when Peter goes off to college, the toll it takes on them both is a large one. Peter’s first nightmare away from home has Tony suiting up in mere seconds before he makes his way to Peter. And Peter has to trust Rhodey and Pepper now, more than ever, to take care of Tony.

It’s not practical, for either of them.

Peter misses the steady presence of his mentor. He misses the hands in his hair, and he misses wrapping his arms around Tony like an octopus. He was always a tactile person, but after the snap, it became a more prominent part of him.

So now, the need for that physical comfort nearly consumes him, rests in his head like an itch that never quite goes away, and when he goes home for his first break, the first thing he does is fling his arms around Tony and clings.

That evening, they’re both on the couch, with Peter’s head in Tony’s lap as Tony lazily rakes his fingers through the dark locks of hair as Peter chats about his classes and professors.

They stay there for hours, and no one has the heart to interrupt them.

Eventually, there’s a lull in conversation where they simply just lay there and bask contentedly in each other’s presence. The kid’s eyes have closed, completely relaxed in a way he never is around anyone else except for May, and Tony smiles fondly.

He decides to bring up something Pepper had mentioned to him in passing one day, a thought he hadn’t been able to get rid of since.

“Hey, kid?”

Peter turns his face into Tony’s hand. “Hmm?”

“I want to talk to you about something,” he says, and Peter’s eyes open in concern.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So, I know being away from home hasn’t been easy,” Tony starts, and Peter immediately flushes red, feeling like a stupid child.

Tony taps his cheek lightly. “Hey, none of that. If I’m being honest, you being away hasn’t been particularly easy for me either.”

Peter looks up at him with questioning eyes, and Tony lets out a sigh.

“So, I was thinking - have you ever considered getting an emotional support dog?”

Peter’s eyes widen, and he sits up quickly.

“A dog?” he asks, voice carefully neutral.

Tony nods. “According to Pepper, plenty of college students get the option of bringing a registered cat or dog to campus with them. It helps them with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and - they make great cuddle buddies,” teases lightly, gently nudging Peter.

Peter looks away, hands fidgeting nervously. “I-I don’t - I’m not depressed,” he says defiantly, and Tony sighs again, reaching a tender hand out to turn Peter’s face back to his.

“Peter,” he says softly. “It’s okay. You’ve been through more than most people ever go through, and struggling with mental health doesn’t make you weak. You know this.”

Tony pauses and let’s the kid process his words, a conversation they’ve had many times before. But he’ll never stop reiterating it, not as long as Peter needs to hear it.

After what seems like an eternity, Peter speaks. “How would we do it? How do I get the certification?”

Luckily, Tony’s already thought all this through. “We’ll get Bruce to sign off saying that you’re eligible, and May and I can handle all of the paperwork. And, since I’m Tony Stark, I can have it all done tomorrow, and we should be good to go. If you want to, that is,” Tony says pointedly.

Insecurities aside, Peter starts to let out a small smile, excitement beginning to light his face.

“I always wanted a dog,” he says shyly. “But Ben said we didn’t have room for one, and May would never have been able to afford it.”

Tony pats his shoulder. “Well, you two won’t have to worry; I’ll cover everything.”

Before, Peter would have protested. He hates feeling like a charity case, and he always felt a little wrong taking money from Tony. But they’re close enough now, that even though the discomfort isn’t entirely gone, he just smiles his gratitude and tackles Tony with a hug.

“Thank you,” Peter mumbles into his shoulder. Tony holds the boy closer and rubs his back.

“Anytime, kiddo.”

“Tony!” Peter whispers excitedly when he picks up the man’s video call.

“Hey, Peter,” he whispers back. “Why are we whispering?”

Peter smiles delightedly, and Tony marvels at how much lighter he looks compared to just a few weeks ago. The screen shakes slightly as Peter angles the phone down to his lap. Tony can see the Star Wars poster hanging on the wall of his dorm behind him before the camera focuses on the figure cuddled against Peter’s thigh.

“She fell asleep on my lap! Oh my god, Tony, she’s so cute and look at her precious face and her ears are so soft and she always licks me on the face whenever I get back from class, and oh my god I think I’m in love,” Peter gushes shamelessly, and Tony grins with fondness.

This is about how every conversation over the past few weeks has gone, and Tony doesn’t mind it one bit. Peter has seemed so much calmer and happier since adopting the black lab, who he named Tilly, “Short for Matilda! Because look at those eyes, you can just see how smart and mischievous she is.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along so well,” Tony says, entirely meaning it. Even though he still sometimes gets calls from Peter in the middle of the night, Tilly is very intuitive and good at sticking close to Peter when he’s in distress, and Tony is usually able to talk him down from his panic quickly without needing to physically be there.

So yeah, having the extra support and company has done wonders for Peter.

Peter grins at Tony, turning the camera back to face himself.

“Yeah, she’s almost as good of a cuddle buddy as you are,” Peter says shyly, seemingly embarrassed by his own confession.

Tony just smiles softly at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They sit in silence for a moment, too much distance between them, as Peter strokes Tilly’s sleek coat.

“Hey, Tony?” Peter says quietly.

“What’s up, kid?”

Peter looks down, focusing on Tilly’s gentle expression as she dozes contentedly.

“Maybe when I get home, Tilly can join us, too?” he asks uncertainly, referring to the nights they spend just lazing around together, basking in the knowledge that they’re alive.

“Of course, bud,” Tony says, judgement absent from his voice. He knows Tilly and Peter have formed an unbreakable bond already. Peter grins happily.

“Cool. I think I’m gonna try to get some studying in while she sleeps. Is that okay?”

Tony gives him an exasperated look. “Is it okay if you go study? No, not at all. I’d hate for you to put effort into your school work.”

Peter gives him a sheepish look. “Oh, yeah. Um, I’m gonna go now, but I’ll see you in three weeks for Christmas break!”

Tony smiles, warmth rushing through him. “I look forward to it.”

“Good night, Tony! Love you,” Peter says.

“Love you, too, Pete,” Tony says back, before hanging up.

Boy, does he owe Pepper.

#wow this was pure fluff #i didnt know i was capable of that #wild #peter parker #iron dad #tony stark #spider son #fanfic #headcanon #fluff #mcu #dogs #therapy dogs #hope writes

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im-tops-bottom · 6 years ago

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Peter had been nothing but an experiment. Hydra had attained samples of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes' blood when they kidnapped Tony Stark. They used it as well as Tony's own samples to create a baby. The baby was to grow up and train under Hydra as the start of new and improved super soldiers.

Well that's until the Avengers happened.

The team swooped in and saved Tony and the baby. Tony had deemed himself and his team unsafe for the baby so he put him up for adoption. A nice couple called Ben and May took him in under the condition that Tony sees him every now and then and when he is older, Tony will tell him what happened. Other than that the kid, "Peter Parker", was to be kept safe and hidden from Hydra.

Even though this caused one too many arguments and opened the rift wider between Tony and the Rogues, they eventually understood why Tony did what he had to do.

"if they were able to not only get blood samples but kidnap me at the same time during a battle without anyone noticing, then again why would you guys give a shit about me in the first place, then I know that it will be unsafe for my child to stay here. Now you can all leave my lab. I have a press conference in an hour and we have wasted too much time arguing"

He told the world of what happened. Of the torture, of the samples, of the baby, of the almost brainwashing before the baby idea came up. He also mentioned that they have the baby safe and sound at the compound and he will raise the kid like every other child. After answering questions, he decided he felt like a cheeseburger before going home.

Once there he realized the only other people that were at the compound were the Brooklyn boys so he tried his best to be stealthy. He didn't want to be there so he raced down to his workshop and told Friday to save all his stuff and move them to his rebuilt Malibu home folder so he can finish them off there. He then went to his room and grabbed a few things before heading to the garage.

He groans as he heads towards one of the cars closest to the garage door.

"boss are you okay?"

"I'm fine baby girl. I seem to be getting this reoccurring head. It just seems to come and go"

"Tony"

"yup here comes the headache"

Tony opens up the car door to place a few things down before texting Happy, Pepper and Rhodey to meet up in Malibu before turning around.

"how may I help you Mr Rogers, Mr Barnes?"

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"everything"

"why? You and your team already said what you needed to say as soon as you guys rescued me. if you guys didn't want to then you shouldn't have. I already sent out a distress signal"

"we didn't receive any"

"that's because none of you guys were the recipients. It was Rhodey bear. That's why I was on the phone and not playing 21 questions"

"why didn't you just say something?"

"because Mr Rogers, I left the team and only joined fights when you guys really needed me. Because Mr Rogers, my entire life doesn't revolve around you. Now do excuse me, I'm running late"

"where do you think your going?"

"I have a hot date with a cute alpha in Malibu. For once in your life mind your own damn business and you can wipe that hurt look off your undeserving face. Buckaroo is allowed to looked like a kicked puppy, he has every damn reason but you Steve Rogers are not. Good day to you sir"

Tony hopped in and drove off missing the heartbroken look on Steve and the forever confused look on Bucky.

"come on Bucky"

"where are we going?"

"we are gonna follow Tony"

"what why? He clearly wants to be left alone"

"I don't want any alpha barking up the wrong tree. He's our omega. We already have a kid together. We are practically mated"

"Jesus Stevie do you hear yourself? God what would your mother think if she heard you? Get your shit together Steve. He's not some prize to be won. He's his own person. I don't know what kind of alpha you had become but the Stevie I knew wouldn't act that way"

"and how would you know?"

"fuck you Steve"

"hey hey Bucky, babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just that Tony-"

"see there's your problem. Tony has made a few mistakes and you have taken it upon yourself to suddenly blame everything on him. God you are such a jerk. We are through with each other. I don't want you back until you sort your shit out"

"where are you going?"

"away from you"

"Bucky get back here!"

"don't you start getting all alpha on me punk! Don't forget I'm an alpha too."

"Bucky"

"oh so you have resorted to gr-"

Steve jumps Bucky and they start brawling until a sound stops them.

"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!"

Steve gets up and brushes himself off while Bucky takes a breather before getting up.

"Friday told me to return and I find you two acting like immature brats"

"but Tony"

"don't but me Steve. Friday already gave me the rundown. You two need some time apart. Steve I already called your team amd they are on their way. Bucky in the car"

"but"

"in the car. Now!"

Bucky heads over and gets in Without looking back. Tony glares right at Steve.

"alright you hopeless cause, why dont you shower, eat, break some hulk proof punching bags and then relax. Once they're here you can rant about how this is my fault"

Ignoring Steve, Tony hops in the car and drives off again.

"I hope you like being out in public"

"I'm slowly getting used to it but don't you think your date would dislike the idea of me joining in?"

"oh that. Don't worry. There's no date. I only said that because Steve was getting on my nerves. We are going out to lunch with Pepper, Rhodey and Happy. Already told them what happened and it was Rhodeys idea"

"what really? But I thought"

"hey with what happened in the past, no one blames you. It took Pepper drumming it into my head to realize that. If anything I'm the one that needs to apologise.i blamed you for my mum when it was Hydras fault and then I blew your arm off when all you were doing was protecting Rogers. Although the new Wakandan arm looks real good on you"

"why do you always mention just your mum amd not Howard?"

Tony goes into his life story right from when he was a kid. He left nothing out and went into great detail for most of it. He paused alot whenever Bucky would look uncomfortable to check if he was alright because he didn't want the other to have a panic attack or go super soldier.

Afterwards Bucky went into detail about his life with what BARF helped him remember. He also talked about all the tapes he watched with Steve about the 40s. He mentioned that he found Hydra videos but he hasn't found the courage to watch them yet.

"well when you do find the courage, let me know and I can come watch with you. We can have a girl's night in. I havent had a slumber party since team cap moved in"

Bucky thanks him and they talk non stop about any and everything until they reach their destination. Tony tells Bucky that as a promise once everything has settled then they can go back to the compound and can have an individual talk each with Steve to just clear the air but for now, they are on holiday to happy memories only.

It takes only a quiet week, no seriously, no villain attack at all, for Tony and Bucky to get closer and slowly fall in love. That's when they decide to return home and have those long talks. Who knew that once they return, team cap was ready to defend their precious cap and start world war 3

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ofheroesandvillains · 7 years ago

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I Needed You (2) - Bucky Barnes

Words: I’m so sorry…7.7k Warnings: Angst Summary: An unlikely hero, a misunderstanding, and for Bucky...well, it’s not good. This had a life of its own, like I don’t even know how we got to where this thing ended! And for that reason, I have mixed feelings about it. I might do (will do) a much shorter post to wrap things up because this was already way too long.

(Gif not mine!)

Can I also say a big thank you to @seablueandwish for educating me on hospitals in Boston! To @lovely-geek, @diinofayce, @imaginecrushes, @mallyallyandra, @amor67figment-love and @katykyll thanks for your kind words! I hope you enjoy this update, and thanks to everyone taking the time to read it!

By the time your head hit the floor, your eyes were unseeing. You could barely hear it, but there was noise all around you, no longer the loud droning, but shouts of pain and the thundering of gunfire. You didn’t know when the chaos came to a halt, nor did you know why…but soon only silence remained. Peaceful silence, and the slowing thump of your heart in your ears.

At least until a familiar voice was breaking through the haze. You knew him, you trusted him. It sounded distant, like he was underwater or in another room altogether, but you felt the cool metal hand applying pressure to your wound and you knew that no matter what came now, you were safe. You could die here, but he would not leave you here. You were going home.

Someone had actually come for you. Never before had you expected anyone to come to your rescue, it wasn’t how HYDRA did things. But this was not HYDRA, and even when the one you trusted most had let you down, he wouldn’t.

I need you to notify Mass General, they’ll need to operate immediately…

Call Steve when you’re done with that…

And FRIDAY? Tell Pepper I can’t make dinner tonight.

“Tony…”

Dark and terrified eyes assessed the damage, but he wouldn’t -couldn’t- accept the reality before him.

“Hold on, kid…I’ve got you.”

There was a lot of blood. Too much. It didn’t take a genius to understand that something major had been hit, and the bullet in your chest told him all he needed to know about your chances.

“T-Ton-“

“No, no, don’t speak!” He quickly shushed you, but not unkindly. “Just- we’re gonna be alright, okay? We’re going to be just fine…just inhale, exhale and repeat…remember? Can you do that for me?”

You couldn’t see his eyes gloss over, nor could you hear the tremble in his voice.

But you did remember, and he hoped to whoever was listening, that the smile you tried to send him wasn’t the last he’d ever see you wear.

He’d felt this fear before, but each time felt more and more intense than the last. To quite literally be holding someone’s life in your hands was something that Tony Stark never wanted to have to do again. It was a miracle, plain and simple, that you had survived the flight over to Massachusetts General Hospital. But it had been an uphill battle for the past two hours. The only call he had taken was the one from Pepper, he couldn’t stand to even think of the others right now.

It may have been petty, but Tony hoped that they could feel even a trace of the fear he felt when he carried your half-dead body to the hospital. They’d be there soon anyway, they’d see the state you were in for themselves.

Tony rubbed at his chest absentmindedly. He’d seen you flatline twice now, and he wasn’t sure how much longer his own heart would hold out under these conditions. Where the hell was everyone? Steve and Natasha were usually the ones who watched over you. But Tony wouldn’t deny that you had grown on him, and he was protective in his own way. He looked after everyone in his own way, silently and thoroughly. Tony had eyes and ears everywhere, and even though he’d never admit it, he’d go to extreme lengths to keep his friends safe.

But you were different. Naive and innocent when it came to life outside of HYDRA, and Tony knew the team watched over you more intently for that reason. His blunt honesty and sense of humour meant you gravitated toward his lab in the early days, and he found your curiosity refreshing. You had so much to learn about normalcy that Tony took it upon himself to provide you with things you had never been allowed to have before, like the flatscreen in your room, or the pop tarts you had hidden away from Thor. It was coincidentally like having an Asgardian to cater for, and Tony secretly enjoyed seeing the amazement on your face whenever he gave you something new.

Underneath the hardened exterior that HYDRA had hand-crafted, you were just a kid who had been forced to grow up too fast by the monsters who raised you.

So why the hell had you been allowed to enter an active HYDRA facility alone, in the middle of a huge city that you knew nothing about? Tony had been fuming for hours now, pacing the room like a wild animal when they initially rolled you into the operating room, but now it was silently bubbling beneath the surface as he watched the procedure. It seemed to drag on for days, but these were some of the finest surgeons in the United States, or so they had told him.

Tony didn’t even care to turn around when the door was thrown open, the sheer strength behind the push slamming it into the wall loudly.

Steve was panting when he finally came to a halt. He was notified as soon as he and Sam had retrieved the information they needed. It made Tony even angrier, knowing that you were in this situation for no reason. You wouldn’t have found anything in that facility regardless, and had Steve even bothered to notify him of the mission, he could have gone instead. In fact, why hadn’t he been notified about this?

“How is she?”

“How do you think she is?” Tony tried to snap, but his voice was hardly a whisper. The narrow-eyed glare he turned on Steve was more disappointed than anything else, and the soldier felt it like a punch to the gut. Tony Stark was not one to reveal his emotions so easily, often hiding behind the usual mask of sarcastic comments and faux arrogance. But this was something Steve didn’t see often - genuine fear.

“How did you find her?” Steve asked softly, worried eyes following Tony’s gaze and settling on the bloodied body surrounded by equally bloodied hands of healing.

Tony sighed, taking a deep breath that betrayed his exhaustion. His glassy eyes finally blinked, and he felt the sting that came with staring for too long.

“I have FRIDAY monitoring her vitals. I was notified as soon as she was in distress.” Tony explained, uncharacteristically solemn. He used to help you with your panic attacks -inhale, exhale, repeat- it was his mantra after the attack on New York, and it was something you had adopted. So he had FRIDAY keep an eye on you when he wasn’t around, just in case you had an episode.

Tony’s brows furrowed when he finally asked what had really been on his mind. “What were you thinking, Cap? Sending her in there alone?”

Steve could feel the billionaire’s frustration mounting, and he had no doubt that if you'd been in a more stable condition, his anger would have overflowed a long time ago. He could see how agitated Tony was with the whole situation, it was something that had been easily avoidable. It landed one of their friends in the ICU, in critical condition and Steve had to agree…what was he thinking? But there was another thought at the back of his mind too…where was Bucky?

He knew you would have asked him to accompany you, he could see the sincerity in your eyes when you told him you would. You weren’t going in alone, or at least that’s what he had been led to believe. So, where was Bucky?

“She wasn’t supposed to be alone…”

“Well she was.” Tony bit back.

“I didn’t know, Tony.” Steve’s voice grew firm, lips pursing as Tony’s eyes darted over his features in search of something. “Bucky was suppose to-”

The billionaire’s features evened out in realisation before he scoffed.

“Really? Barnes? That’s who you wanted to send her into a HYDRA base with?” He asked sarcastically.

“He’s been cleared for duty, and he’d keep her safe-“ Steve tried to defend.

“Safe? Is that what this is?” Tony threw his arms out in question and Steve’s responses grew more forceful as Tony’s anger mounted. If he’d keep her safe, why was she on an operating table barely clinging onto life? He knew things hadn’t been the same between them ever since he found out about his parents, that much was expected. But they didn’t need to keep their distance when they were recklessly risking lives.

“I didn’t know, Tony.” There was a warning in Steve’s words that would have deterred anyone else, but not Tony Stark. He was blaming himself enough, he didn’t need Tony to make things even harder on him.

“You could have told me.” Tony’s thumb and forefinger came up to press against his eyelids, desperately trying to rein in his frustration. “You could have told me about your little plan, and I could hav-“

“You had the conference, and we didn’t want to bothe-“

That did it.

“You are lucky I had that conference, or she’d be dead!” Tony shouted, the veins in his neck pulsing as he angrily pointed toward the glass separating them from their friend.

A conference? It was weak and they both knew it, just like they both knew the real reason Steve was keeping Tony out of the loop. Additionally, he felt guilty taking Tony away from Pepper nowadays, especially after Tony had told him about their temporary break a few years back, but damn it! Lives were at stake here, Pepper wouldn’t leave him because he spent a few hours making sure his friends were safe!

They stared at each other for a long moment, shoulders tense and jaws clenched. They both knew it was true. There was no way Tony would have been able to reach you if he hadn’t been at MIT that day. Tony shook his head in defeat, his shoulders slumping.

“Damn it, Steve…”

Steve’s eyes dropped to the floor as Tony left the room for the first time since he had arrived. Steve sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, slowly making his way closer to the glass that separated him from you.

His jaw clenched, a crease forming between his brows as he watched the doctors operate. He’d been here before, this scene was familiar to him, but this time it was more personal than ever before. This time it wasn’t an act to fake a death. This time, he could really lose someone he considered one of his closest friends. The anger churned in his stomach, mixing with the concern and desperation that had found a home there too.

You were his responsibility.

And this one was on him. He should have made sure you weren’t alone, he should have made sure Bucky had gone with you. He should have double checked that facility…there were a lot of things he should have done. He’d jumped the gun on this one, so eager to finally have HYDRA on the ropes, that he’d been careless.

The door to the room was thrown open, and Steve’s eyes squeezed shut when he heard the familiar clacking of heels. Like they had four years ago, her feet swiftly carried her to stand beside him, and he heard her breath catch in her throat at the sight beyond the clear glass separating them.

“How-“ It was all she could force past her lips and Natasha swallowed thickly.

“Nat…” Steve trailed off, not knowing what to say when her wide, glossy eyed looked to him for answers.

The truth was, he didn’t have any answers to give her.

Only questions, and one in particular-

Where the hell was Bucky Barnes?

The drive to Boston was taking a lot longer than Bucky had anticipated. Every minute seemed to drag on for hours, his rapid heartbeat ticking each of them down until he finally reached his location. He hated being left in the dark, but that’s exactly what was happening. Sam hadn’t given him any details, he had sounded distracted, tired and despondent when he called earlier. All Bucky knew was that there had been some complications with a mission, and that the team were all gathering at Massachusetts General - that alone told him someone was seriously hurt.

But it was Sam’s hesitation that had truly terrified him.

“Who is it?”

His question was met with a quiet sigh, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that he could hear Steve talking to someone in the background, Bucky would have feared for his best friend. Instead, an even more unsettling thought came to mind.

“Sam? Sam, who is it?”

He was met with silence, and he knew. He knew exactly who it was.

“I’m sorry, man. Just get here as fast as you can.”

As fast as he could, wasn’t fast enough. Bucky was beyond fear at that point. Steve wasn’t answer his calls (and Steve always answered his calls), no one was, and his mind replayed the last time he saw you on a loop. The hurt and confusion marring your beautiful features, right before he slammed a door in your face. The moment he had done it, the regret hit him full force and he told himself that he would never do something as cowardly and rude ever again. Especially not to you.

So the moment his gir- his ex, had snatched the phone out of his hand and hung up on you, he saw red.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She flinched back when she heard the anger in his voice. She couldn’t remember a single time he had directed such feelings toward her, but she wouldn’t back down.

“You can call back later, Bucky.” She answered calmly.

It was rude, she knew that. But every time his face lit up at the sight of your face or the sound of your voice, she couldn’t help but feel a stab of pain in her chest. She tried to rationalise. You were Bucky’s friend, he cared about his friends more than anything…but his eyes didn’t linger on the others like they did on you. His face didn’t drop in disappointment whenever Steve left the room, so why did he stare after you like you were never coming back?

She wasn’t immune to jealousy, and seeing him grin so brightly when your name lit up his screen - after seeing all of the forced smiles he had been giving her family all night…it made her mad.

They continued to argue, back and forth until she finally threw her hands up in surrender and left for bed early. He tried to call you back as soon as he was alone, but you didn’t answer. He tried over and over again, but nothing.

Eventually he gave up, heading up to bed himself and trying to ignore the worry worming its way into his mind.

His girlfriend hadn’t been too happy at receiving a call in the early hours of the morning, but Bucky didn’t care. She had scolded him for wanting to leave without saying goodbye to her family, but the apprehension he felt after the call had left him on edge and he really didn’t have time for her objections. The fight they’d had after dinner was enough to ensure that they both went to bed mad, and the call drove the final nail into the coffin.

He knew something was wrong, he knew it. He shouldn’t have ignore his instincts.

“Oh my god! What is your problem?” She shouted in a mix of anger and astonishment. Watching Bucky turn the whole room upside down in search of his stuff (the stuff that the kids had apparently decided to hide) was not how she expected the early morning to go. The place was a complete mess and her mother would have a heart attack if she saw the state of it all.

“Not now.” Bucky growled, roughly shoving his clothes into the small duffle he had brought along with him. He was in a foul mood to begin with, he didn’t need her to add to it with all of her demands.

“Are you going somewhere?” He didn’t have to see her to know that she was crossing her arms over her chest in preparation for another argument. When he made no move to answer, she tried to force his hand.

“You know we promised to take my niece and nephew to the fair today.”

He couldn’t care less about her bratty niece and nephew, he couldn’t care less about some stupid fair. His girl was in trouble, he didn’t know how bad it was, and the fact that he wasn’t there with her, made him sick to his stomach. He should have been there. Why wasn’t he there? Why was he wasting his time with these strangers?

“Hello? Can you stop?!” She ripped the shirt out of his hands before he could force it into the overflowing duffle bag, and his shoulders tensed dangerously when she raised her voice.

Bucky felt the shift in the air around him, flashes of dark rooms and abusive handlers, of raised voices and raised fists…He was breathing erratically, but she was too angry to notice, shoving his shoulder roughly when he still refused to give her the attention she wanted.

“Damn it, Bucky! Why can’t you just let them handle it alone for onc-“

“Because I love her!” He roared back, losing control for the first time in over a year and driving his fist straight through the wall beside her head.

She screamed, the terror held within the sound tore him out of his fear-induced haze and his eyes softened in regret when he saw tears gather in her own. She cowered away as if he were a monster, and he really couldn’t blame her. He had never laid a hand on a woman, never even thought about it - at least not while he was able to think for himself. He was almost as terrified as she was at his outburst.

“Oh god…I-I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say. There was nothing that could excuse his actions.

She was sobbing now, a mix of heartbreak and terror, and Bucky could hear movement from down the hall. He had to leave. He had to leave, now.

“I-I’ll go. I’m so sorry…”

Bucky’s jaw ached from how tightly it was clenched.

Needless to say, his relationship with her was over the moment he had raised a hand. He was disgusted with his actions, but even then it wasn’t his first priority, despite the guilt that flooded him. It was for the best. She deserved a normal guy who cared about her the way he couldn’t…Bucky felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, while simultaneously settling in his stomach.

He tried to replay the event in his mind over and over, just to take his mind off of the fact that he was driving to MGH. You were in hospital. You were hurt. You could have been dying and he wouldn’t even know it. He should have been there. He shouldn’t have been at some stupid family gathering. He should never have left the Tower, never have left you.

God, what if- what if you-

He couldn’t breathe.

Bucky jerked the steering wheel to the side, bringing the car to a sharp halt and ignoring the angry beeps of the car he had cut off in the process.

He could feel the panic attack approaching, and wouldn’t only be risking his own life if he continued driving in his current state.

But the questions continued to flash through his mind relentlessly, and he heard the steering wheel crack under his fingers.

“I know you want to be here just in case, but you’re no good to anyone half asleep.”

Natasha’s eyes snapped open, and she mentally scolded herself for drifting off. She was taught better than that.

“I’m not leavi-“

“I spoke to one of the nurses, the next room over is empty. I’ll wake you up if anything happens, alright?” Steve reassured her.

Natasha forced a half-smile, but Steve knew she was silently grateful. “Alright.”

They traded spots, Steve settling onto the couch and Natasha making her way out. She paused at the door, looking over her shoulder with a small frown.

“You know it’s not your fault, right?”

Steve’s pale eyes shot up to her in question, and she nodded over to your unconscious form. He followed her gaze and his eyes softened. The oxygen mask alone, made you look weaker than he had ever seen you. It was real hard to convince himself that it wasn’t his fault, when you were only there because of a mission he had asked you to complete for him.

“Yeah, well…” He trailed off uncertainly. Natasha shot him a stern look.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Rogers.”

He nodded sheepishly, and Nat sent Sam a smile when she noticed him heading into your room.

“Finally convince her that even assassins need sleep?”

Steve smiled at the question, appreciating the fact that Sam was trying to lighten the mood.

“She’s in the next room over.”

“Better than nothing, I guess.” Sam whispered, taking a seat beside Steve on the small couch.

“Any word from Tony? He said something about checking the camera feeds earlier.” Steve inquired, brows furrowing when he sensed Sam’s hesitation.

“Sam?”

Sam entwined his fingers, elbows resting against his knees as he leaned forward in his seat.

“It’s probably for the best that Stark isn’t here right now…”

Steve straightened in his seat. “What happened?”

“Look, I’m not saying we should ignore it, but we gotta at least give him a chance to expl-“

“Sam.” Steve’s tone hardened, not interested in beating around the bush in their current situation. He didn’t know if things could get any worse, but the way Sam was tip-toeing around the subject made him think that it was a strong possibility.

“Alright.” He held his hands up in surrender. “She made a call, just before she…” Sam trailed off, gesturing to the hospital bed solemnly.

Steve frowned, but he knew there was more that Sam wasn’t telling him.

“Anyway, Tony pulled up the recording.” Sam reached into his pocket and held out his own phone. “Here, it’s…not easy to explain.”

Steve hit the play button and reluctantly brought the phone to his ear. In his rush to arrive at the hospital, he had left his own in the quinjet.

“Hello?”

“Bucky…”

“Hello? Y/N? I can’t hear you.”

“Who is it?”

“Y/N, but I can’t hear a thing.”

“You’ll call her back later, come on! We’re about to cut the cake!”

“Bucky…Buck, I-I need…please, I need y-“

Steve’s eyes were clamped shut as soon as the call was ended, but his expression clearly gave more away than he had anticipated.

“Come on, man. You know there’s no way he’d ignore something like this. I know you’ve seen it too.” Sam’s brows shot up pointedly. Everyone could see it. Bucky had been trained to hide all traces of emotion in his past, but there was only one person who couldn’t see how completely you held his attention whenever you entered a room. Unfortunately, that person was you.

But Steve still couldn’t wrap his head around it all. If Bucky knew where you were, if he knew you needed help, then where was he? Sam called him earlier and they knew he had been in New York, but what was he doing there in the first place? He was supposed to be with you, so why was he with her instead?

Why hadn’t he even bothered to visit?

It wasn’t Steve’s place, but the thought of Bucky spending time with her while you fought for your life had renewed his anger all over again. He had nothing against Bucky’s new girl, but after watching you struggle through feelings you didn’t fully understand and ignoring said feelings just to keep Bucky happy…and then to find out that Bucky had ignored what Steve could only assume was an SOS.

Steve massaged the bridge of his nose. What a mess.

Bucky was a good man, maybe not the smartest sometimes, but a good man. There had to be a reasonable explanation for why Bucky himself hadn’t been the first to notify them that you were in danger. Of all the people you could have called in that moment, you had chosen Bucky, and Steve didn’t know how to feel about that. He was glad that you had swallowed your pride and called for help in the first place, but he couldn’t imagine how you must have felt begging for help that would never arrive.

You were supposed to be able to trust them.

It broke Steve’s heart to know that if you ever did wake up, you would never see them in the same way again.

Three nurses had tried and failed in getting Bucky to stop sprinting through the halls of the ICU, dodging visitors in a string of near-misses. Sam had already texted him the room number, and he wasn’t stopping for a damn thing until he reached the ‘4th door on the left’. Not until he saw you with his own eyes, not until he was sure you were still breathing.

1…

2…

3…

Bucky burst through the door, but he was not prepared for the fists that latched onto his shirt and forced him back out into the quiet hallway before he could get a proper look at you. The sound of his back slamming against the wall echoed in the silence, and Bucky’s fingers instinctively tightened around his attacker’s wrists. His brain finally caught up to the quick sequence of events and he easily escaped the hold.

“What the hell!”

His wide eyes glared at his best friend, but softened in confusion when he recognised the look in Steve’s eyes. His lips were pursed and his brows were drawn together in barely concealed anger.

“Steve?”

“Where the hell have you been?”

Bucky was taken aback by the sheer anger in his best friend’s tone.

“Wha- I just…I was-“

“I don’t care.” Steve decided with a quick shake of his head. “In this team we look out for each other, and when you decide that a girl is more important than keeping your friends safe-“

“What? What are you talkin’ about?”

When had he ever suggested such a thing? All they had to do was ask, and Bucky would have dropped everything to help them. And if Steve actually had the audacity to suggest that he was responsible for your current state -whatever that may be- it wouldn’t end well for anybody.

“The mission, Buck. The mission you should have been on!”

It sounded like an accusation and a scolding all wrapped in one, but Steve wasn’t making any sense and all Bucky wanted to do was see you.

“What mission?” He asked incredulously.

Steve paused at Bucky’s genuine bewilderment. He almost looked as lost as he had that day on the helicarrier, when his identity was first revealed to him. But you wouldn’t have lied to him, if you said you’d ask Bucky then you would have. So why did Bucky apparently have no idea about it?

“Steve?”

“She- She was supposed to ask you to go with her…she said she would on Friday night.” Steve’s voice had died down to a whisper, his eyes dropping to the floor, and Bucky knew he was thinking aloud now - trying to make sense of all this confusion.

“Friday? But she didn’t ask me any…”

If you’re not busy tomorrow, I need you to-

Oh, actually we’re heading upstate tomorrow. It’s my grandpa’s 92nd birthday and Bucky’s meeting my family.

“Oh god.” Bucky breathed out.

“What?” Steve’s brows shot up in concern as soon as Bucky’s frame slouched against the wall in defeat, his right hand dragging across his tired features.

I’m sorry, Y/N, but I can’t make it tomorrow.

But-

Just ask Steve, I’m sure he’d be happy to help.

“Bucky?”

Steve’s voice silenced the memory, but he didn’t respond, not even when Steve moved to rest a reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. Instead, Bucky shrugged him off, wordlessly evading a likely interrogation and entering the hospital room.

It was relatively quiet. The only sound was the steady and familiar beeping that also ensured his own heart kept beating. Your cold fingers were entwined with his own, the only source of warmth in your otherwise cold surroundings.

“C’mon, doll…please just-“ He sighed, eyes slipping shut. “Just come back to me…”

But you didn’t. You didn’t magically open your eyes like they always did in the movies, you didn’t squeeze his hand back, or give any indication that you were going to grant his wish whatsoever. It broke his heart all over again. Every time he would beg you, and every time he’d leave feeling a little more helpless than before.

“I need you.” He whispered, barely recognising the desperation in his own voice.

Bucky’s eyes eased open, and he pressed a lingering kiss to the back of your hand. Never would he have dared to touch you like this before, unwilling to let you close only to inevitably hurt you in the end. But now, as he sat watching you fight for your life, there wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do. Not a single thing, if it meant having you back.

He thought it would get easier with time, seeing you like this - it didn’t.

It had already been two weeks and they still had you strapped to all of their machines - but at least you were out of the ICU now. Dr Cho had been able to regenerate the soft tissue, but the damage on the inside was the real problem. The doctors said you’d wake up in your own time, but he knew the words that went unspoken��if you woke up at all.

Bucky had barely slept in those two weeks. He tried, he really did - Steve wouldn’t let him into your room otherwise. But if his nightmares didn’t keep him up, his own self-hatred did. You always helped him when it came to accepting the consequences of his actions, using your own experience as a guide. He called the Winter Soldier a monster and you told him that he was no such thing, that real monsters didn’t regret their actions. He recalled those conversations, clinging to them like a child holding on to the warm embrace of a mother. It made him feel safe, reassured him that things could get better. That he could do more and be more, to make them better.

And he tried. He tried so hard to help whenever they needed him, to make up for all the bad he had done in his past. Yes, he knew deep down that he hadn’t willingly done those things, but that didn’t negate the guilt he constantly felt at the back of his mind. Nor did it save the lives that flashed before his eyes when he slept.

But now, as he watched the shallow rise and fall of your chest, he embraced the guilt. He let it eat at him, leaving nothing but worthlessness and sorrow that showed in the bags under his eyes and the unkempt beard he was starting to develop.

It’s all your fault, the voice in the back of his head whispered.

And he knew it was true. Even on his road to redemption he had hurt someone he would have died for in a heartbeat. Why hadn’t he just listened to you? Why was he such a coward when you needed him that day?

He tried so desperately to stay away from you, to push you away so that the habit of hurting those he cared for most didn’t extend to you. He just wanted you to be happy, even if that meant he had to tear himself apart to ensure it. But that didn’t happen.

Instead, you had both found yourselves within these four sterilised walls in the same position he had always hoped to avoid. He wished you could trade places. If it meant you were safe, and he could breathe again, there was little he wouldn’t do.

“Buck?”

He tilted his head in the direction of the doorway, but made no other move. Steve was just grateful to see any sort of response these days.

“It’s getting late, pal…” He sounded apologetic.

Bucky’s eyes flickered to the clock on the wall and he knew visiting hours were coming to an end. He usually stayed the night, but if Steve was there that was no longer an option.

He sighed in irritation, but Steve didn’t take it to heart. They all knew that Bucky didn’t like his time with you coming to an end. He didn’t trust that nothing would happen to you while he was gone, and he just wanted to be left alone in his misery.

His fingers reluctantly slipped away from your own and he gently lowered your hand to the bed.

Steve turned his eyes to the ground, trying to offer a semblance of privacy as Bucky inched the sheets up a little higher to keep you warm. His eyes looked as pained as they always did when he had to leave, and with a final stroke of his thumb over your knuckles, he was tearing himself away from your side for the first time in hours.

A few days went by and Steve grew more and more worried for his best friend. Bucky looked terrible, and the team knew that sitting by your bedside day in and day out was taking its toll. It did nothing but give him time to blame himself and worry about you. He hid his feelings and thoughts well, but Steve knew his friend had a big heart, and despite all of the women Bucky had charmed in the ‘30s and ‘40s, he never looked at a single one the way he looked at you.

The guilt was killing him.

So they came to a decision, and it was Natasha who had managed to convince him to finally leave. Despite the fact that she had also been checking in everyday, she volunteered to be the one to take Bucky on a mission. It was simple recon, nothing that his current state of mind could jeopardise - or Natasha’s for that matter. He had put up one hell of a fight, but Nat was a talented manipulator and the mere mention of a woman going on a mission alone, was enough to pounce on his guilt.

It was too similar, despite being completely different.

Coincidentally, the day he left was the day he had been waiting three weeks for.

Sam had almost dropped his water bottle when he noticed the crumpled sheets and empty hospital bed, but after bolting to retrieve Steve, they were both relieved to find you back in bed the moment they returned. One of the nurses was putting in a new IV with a look of disapproval on her face. But you didn’t react. You didn’t even blink as you stared down at your hands.

The moment you made no move to acknowledge them, Steve knew something was wrong. You’d sit still, staring down at your hands absently when you weren’t sleeping, and you still hadn’t uttered a single word. You still hadn’t even looked at them. Steve decided to wait until the others got back to tell them the news. He didn’t need them rushing back, especially when you were in this state. Maybe some time away would give you time to come around…

But things didn’t exactly go as planned.

Two days later, Bucky came back…

“You’re awake…”

The stunned whisper came from the door, but you paid him no mind. The past few days had been…you didn’t know. You didn’t know how to feel about anything. But that was nothing new. What was new, was the conflict inside your mind.

Every time you closed your eyes you could feel a hole in your chest, hear the droning of a disconnected phone call, and taste the blood in your mouth. What you hadn’t considered was that the hole in your chest was both literally and figuratively there.

Betrayed. That was how you felt, and it was the only feeling you were familiar with. You felt like you were back with HYDRA, always looking over your shoulder and never trusting anyone but yourself. You placed your trust in them once, it had taken time and effort, but it had been done.

Never again.

Because when you needed them the most, they weren’t there. When you needed him the most, he had literally slammed that door shut in your face.

It made you angry. The type of anger that your old SO would intentionally try to evoke in you.

But perhaps what hurt most was that after all these years, after all the time you spent learning what it was like to be a normal human being, you realised that HYDRA was not entirely wrong - not like everyone else told you they were.

The moment you placed your life in someone else’s hands, you were dead. All of the lectures Steve had given you about teamwork and cooperation went down the drain. It was all well and good in theory, but you had felt yourself dying. You’d felt the laboured breathing, the searing pain that came with each one, and the terrifying realisation that you were alone. Just like you always had been. Nothing had changed.

Bucky watched you with concerned eyes, not that you could see them. He wanted to rush into the room and hold you, just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. But Steve had already told him about your unresponsiveness. It was selfish of him to think that his presence would change that, but he felt a hint of disappointment when you didn’t even react to him.

Bucky reached for the hand he had held day and night for the past three weeks, but he didn’t not anticipate you avoiding his touch as well.

He ignored the pain he felt when your arm jerked away from him. You never had that reaction to him, not even when you had first met and he was a mere shell of a man. You always felt safe around him, you always trusted him. But as he watched you retreat back into yourself he knew…he knew that the trust was no longer there. And that hurt more than he ever could have imagined.

He wanted to desperately meet your gaze, but you weren’t even trying to humour him. You just sat there, still as a statue, staring down at your hands.

“Y/N…”

He ducked his head, desperate to finally see your eyes. You could be as impassive as you wanted, but the one thing that always gave you away was your eyes. But you knew that, so instead of letting him see the pain his presence caused you, you turned your head away and stared out of the window instead.

You could almost feel the disappointment flowing off of him, but you couldn’t look at him. You just couldn’t. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t listen.

“I know you don’t believe me, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” His tongue darted over his dry lips nervously. “Even- Even if you never trust me again, or even if you don’t want to see me again…I just need you to know that.” Bucky forced the words out because they needed to be said, but that didn’t make thinking about it any easier. He never wanted to leave your side again, but that choice wasn’t up to him.

His hand reached out slightly, before snapping back to his side. It was his ritual every time he left your room in the past three weeks and he had to remind himself that it was no longer an option.

The woman he loved, couldn’t stand the sight of him. It hurt more than he could comprehend, but he would take your hatred if it meant you were alive and well. He’d do whatever you wanted him to, he owed you that much - or at least that’s what he told himself.

His sorrowful gaze mapped out the features of your face one last time before he forced himself to give you the space you wanted.

You clenched your jaw tighter with each step he took toward the door, not knowing what to make of the feelings inside you.

Inhale, exhale, repeat.

There were too many of them. You loved him, but you felt betrayed by him…so why did it still hurt to see him walk away? It shouldn’t have, it was what you wanted. He had hung up on you as you begged him for help, and for what?

Some other girl.

No, you thought, this was for the best. You didn’t need him, and he didn’t want you.

Tony returned when he heard you were finally conscious again. Steve could clearly hear the relief in his voice over the phone, and it was nice to have something -or in this case, someone- bring them together. Despite their disagreements every now and then, Steve missed having Tony around. He knew you did too.

It came as a surprise, though Steve supposed it really shouldn’t have, when you finally acknowledged someone.

“Well, you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you.” It was nice to see Tony smiling again, even if it was still lined with tension. The fear was gone, but Tony had heard about your condition and it made him wonder if you’d even care to see him.

For the first time since you had woken up, Steve watched your eyes flicker up to the man sitting on the edge of your bed. There was a spark of something he hadn’t seen in a while settling into your glassy eyes, and Tony frowned in concern when your lower lip wobbled.

The hug caught him off-guard, and Tony stiffened at the contact, only relaxing when he felt the tremble in the arms around him. He knew you didn’t do physical contact, but actions spoke louder than words, and this was one of the loudest ‘thank you’s he had ever gotten.

“Easy there, kiddo. You’re not fully healed up just yet.” He shot you a sad half-smile when he finally pulled away, relieving the pressure on your chest.

Tony’s looked back over his shoulder at a stunned Steve. “You mind giving us a sec?”

Steve’s gaze darted between the two before he nodded. “Sure.”

Tony turned back to face you with a small smile, listening to the retreating footsteps before he spoke up again.

“The doc tell me you’re not eating much.” His brows shot up pointedly, and you looked down like a child being scolded.

“I’ll make you a deal, kid.” Your eyes shot up curiously to the man who had saved your life. The only person who had come for you, despite not even being involved. “You try to eat a little more, and I’ll see about getting you transferred to the Tower.”

“No.” It was so quiet he barely heard it, but Tony’s brows shot up incredulously. Now you were refusing food?

“I’m sorry…no?”

“Not the Tower.” Your eyes begged him to understand.

He watched you for a moment, and you felt relief hit you the moment he did. Tony’s eyes softened, but that did nothing to negate the determination in them.

“Okay, not the Tower.”

“Tony, what the hell?”

Steve watched the billionaire load your belongings into the car while you patiently waited in the passenger seat. He didn’t believe Nat when she told him the news, but he couldn’t deny it now.

Tony didn’t even bother looking at the disapproving glare Steve had probably adopted.

“Oh good, you’re here.” Tony walked over, slipping something out of his back pocket and holding it out. “This is yours.”

Steve glanced down at the sleek device before looking back up at Tony in confusion.

“You’ve got her new number in there. I think it’d be best if we kept the contact to a minimum until she’s-“ Tony and Steve both winced when you threw your old cell phone out of the window. “-feeling better.”

Steve shook his head.

“Tony, you can’t just take her away because-”

“Right, let me stop you right there.” Tony held up a hand, before pointing at the car. “She asked for this, and to be honest, I don’t think it’s such a bad idea.”

Steve watched as you tore open a pack of pop tarts, a bittersweet smile settling on his features. He knew Tony was right. The only person you were currently interacting with was the billionaire - even Natasha was receiving the silent treatment. Time away from everyone was something you needed. It didn’t make sense to most people, but Steve knew you looked at them all collectively, when one wronged you, they all did - why? Because they were a team and Steve had always preached about the team working together. It seemed as if one of his lectures finally backfired.

It was a miracle you were talking to Tony at all, but he did save your life. The trust was still there and as long as that was the case, Steve knew there was still hope. Hope that maybe one day you’d come back to them.

A strong hand squeezing his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Don’t worry, Rogers, she’s in good hands.”

Steve nodded when he saw the sincerity in Tony’s gaze and accepted the situation for what it was.

“I know she is.”

A/N: and my gosh, that new trailer...it killed me. It really did.

Part 3

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #steve rogers #tony stark #marvel

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kdtheghostwriter · 7 years ago

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SNK #107 Recap

Not a prediction. A spoiler.

I’m going to get the criticism portion of this post out of the way first. This is mostly gonna be writer’s mumbo-jumbo until we get to the cut, so if you want to know my thoughts on THAT panel, click the link now. Everyone else...shall we?

It’s easy to tell when and how much editors are involved in a certain update. Turns out, they like exposition even less than some of you all do. Makes sense; exposition is quite hard, but in so many ways I felt like this chapter was what 91 should have been.

It’s a reset. A needed one. I’m telling you now as a scribe myself - after running for our lives for a full volume, we need a moment to stop, save the game, check our inventory, etc. I’m glad Isayama at least gave us one more chapter before launching into the next (and likely final) story arc.

Reiner should have opened the chapter. I say that purely based on how these last few chapters have been structured. Every shot is framed like a movie still. The movie buff in me is incredibly pleased by this, but the movie reviewer in me isn’t far behind, either.

A big problem with Suicide Squad - besides, well, everything - is that there isn’t any natural flow. The editing is terrible. I won’t call 107 terrible in that regard, but it is very sloppy. Reiner should start this chapter, because if we’re only going to Marley long enough to see Reiner check the plumbing, we should get it out of the way, and then cut to the kids, because he asked for them.

-Reiner wakes up, Porco offers booze, Reiner asks for Gabi and Falco -Gabi murks the guard, escapes with Falco from prison -Cut to Big Boss Eren, who is also in prison

It’s just basic sequencing. I get that 106 ended with Eren, so you’d like to see 107 start with him, but cold opens are a thing, and they don’t take that long. I actually start most of my own stories this way.

Paradis Island has three options presented to them that give them the best chance of being not-dead. Given that one of those options includes the End of the World, I can’t say they chose the worst option necessarily but, damn did they come close. It’s a really bad idea.

I’ll stop here and keep all the serious talk under the cut. It gets personal and some of you might not agree with what’s said, but I feel I need to say it, so I’ll give you the option of stopping here. I like this chapter overall, even if I didn’t like everything that happened.

Stray Thoughts

-Eren is still totally not cool for going AWOL and killing everyone in Liberio but...just what did Paradis plan to do as Zeke’s term wound down? How were they going to get to him?

-Keep your eye on Gabi. She’s going to have a heap of development shortly and it will be very satisfying.

-Armin is sulking in a dungeon; Eren is fuming in a cell; Mikasa is crying on a grave.

-Kiyomi greeting Mikasa with comments on how “healthy” she looked gave me major Get Out vibes. I don’t think she’s evil, but I doubt she’s genuine.

-Sadly, not even Zeke and Levi’s hike into the Forest of Big Ass Trees was enough to distract me from how very screwed everything is; but, it was still very cute.

Part of what makes fiction difficult is the reaction. We project so many things onto whatever it is we’ve consumed; that’s what we’re supposed to do, after all. But the author is, usually, an autonomous human being that creates of their own volition which always leads to feelings of some sort. Hurt feelings, happy feelings, outraged feelings.

I say that to say this: it’s okay to stop.

I say this earnestly as a friend and with zero snark. The best you can hope for from this story now is a bittersweet ending. It will not be happy. Not in the classic storytelling sense. I don’t like seeing people in any fandom struggle through a piece of work that clearly makes them uncomfortable. I like, even less, people hate-read something or feel like, they’re near the end so they might as well. Not so!

Historia’s fate is very distressing. Her complacency with this awful idea just because the Survey Corps couldn’t be assed to come up with one goddamn plan is upsetting to put it lightly. No one is happy and the story presents it that way. Which is good because-

I think I should get this one off my chest. I feel like it’s warranted, as well, since SnK joins the X-Men as the other most famous racism allegory. The discourse I’ve seen floating in the tag, while not incorrect, is overlooking a key undertone in this series (which wouldn’t be a first for this site ayy).

In Ferguson, MO and Baltimore, MD: two young, unarmed African-Americans were betrayed by the people sworn to protect them. In one case, a man died in police custody after egregious abuse. In the other, a teenager was murdered by an officer in broad daylight. Both cities burned for days on end.

And then I see people talk about how we should change the way we dress and talk and how we should be civil and I laugh and laugh. Because literally the only thing we want to know is: How many more of our people have to DIE before we can be seen as human?

The answer in Real Life and Fake Life is: I DON’T KNOW.

Fuck.

Any followers of mine have no doubt seen my comparisons of this story to Metal Gear Solid. (I don’t just write about SnK, it’s just what everyone reads.) It feels weird because a) Hideo Kojima is a much better writer than Hajime Isayama and b) the stories themselves are very different. However...

How could I not?

You see, Jack was the world’s finest soldier, but his mentor defected to Russia and nearly plunged the world into nuclear war, leaving Jack as the only one who could stop her.

Only NOT. Joy was undercover and was compromised, but sacrificed herself and died in infamy to protect Uncle Sam from taking the heat for a horrific war crime (because our record is squeaky clean as we all know).

This breaks Jack and he spends the next four decades trying to fulfill The Boss’ Will, not realizing that his unending anger and unchecked PTSD has warped this ideal to suit his need for blood and violence.

Kojima-san has a relatively hopeful view of the human condition despite the suffering that occurs throughout his series. Metal Gear Solid ends with two lives converging on one another as they reach their apex. Jack finally gets revenge on his oldest enemy and dies alone on the grave of his mentor. His son, David, walks away from the battle and lives a quiet life with his otaku husband and their adopted daughter.

Kojima’s message is clear: you aren’t where you’re from. The theme comes up often. As Logan bleeds out in his daughter Laura’s arms, he tells her not to be the weapon they made her. Going by the recent updates, it seems that SnK is just a tad more cynical. And that’s fine.

I saw Ant-Man and the Wasp recently. Compared to the sheer density of Avengers 3, this was a light and airy jaunt. It had a happy ending. A very happy ending. And I did not like it. The movie was fine, but the resolution to the conflict (no spoilers) was so rushed and involved a deus ex moment that would make Steven Moffat blush. I don’t need a happy ending (I’ll still take one), I need a satisfying one. Now, what does that mean?

The best chance Shingeki no Kyojin has at a happy(ish) ending is for Reiner Braun (Solid Snake) to infiltrate Paradis (Outer Heaven), track down Eren Jaeger (Big Boss) and beat the shit out of him until he wakes from his living nightmare and says, “This is a terrible idea! Why didn’t anyone tell me?” wherein everyone responds, “We DID!!!”

I feel like only half of that is going to happen. Eren’s mind is fractured and the world continues with it’s awful machinations. And whenever I feel I should even half-heartedly dispute the idea that everyone sucks forever, I remember that the “Land of the Free” is currently holding toddlers in cages and...welp. I got nothing.

Then, I think about my younger siblings and my goddaughter and how I love them all so much - more than I love myself. I just want them to find a happy life somehow, someway in this crazy world and I know I can’t give up, because they’re watching.

That’s why I still write my stories the way I do. I may be emotionally busted, but I still believe in the message, and just need someone to take the baton. The message, in almost every story I write, is that you need your fucking friends, because finding another human being (or multiple!) that can stand your presence for more than thirty seconds at a time is a gift that must be treasured.

Chances are slim of this happening in the world of SnK, and that may not be the worst thing. A satisfying end for me is one that makes sense.The gymnastics required to get to an ending where one of the main characters doesn’t die a horrible, cursed death would be worse than the gymnastics that got us here to begin with. No two writers work the same.

The official mood for the latter part of this series is EMA facing the ocean in Ch 90. Eren asks if they’ll have to kill everyone on the other side of the water and his two mates each have an expression that says, “Shit, man, we thought maybe we’d build sand castles instead.”

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thing-you-do-with-that-thing · 7 years ago

Text

Love Lives On

Pairing: Jenneel

Squares Filled: Nurse!Jensen for @spnaubingo and Hospital AU for @spnangstbingo

Warnings: Cancer, cancer treatments, smut - not super explicit but it’s there, major character death.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3900ish

A/N: This done for @spnaubingo as well as @spnangstbingo and it’s a request from a sweet Nonnie Bunny. This is fiction and AU - absolutely zero hate or harm wished upon these amazing people. It’s a work of fiction and the challenge here was angst.

I cried writing this so ye’ be warned!

Thanks to my sweet Erin @blacktithe7 for betaing this for me.

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

SPN AU BINGO MASTERLIST - SPN ANGST BINGO MASTERLIST

There were always things that reminded him of her, but today she seemed to be everywhere he turned. The basketball game on the tv. The showing of highlights from this year’s NYC ball drop. The pregnant woman in the hall that he had actually thought was her until she turned around. Her voice in his head and the mirage of her sitting in the chemo chair.

Jensen felt as if he couldn’t breath as he rushed out the doors of the hospital. Misha and Briana had been checking up on him all day, and finally they had gone to Jared, who had decided to give Jensen a sick day. Normally he would have argued with his friends and co-workers, but Jared was his boss. Not that that normally would have stopped him, but Jensen knew they were right. He couldn’t be here today. Jensen knew where he had to be.

Everything was a blur as he drove to see her. It was a miracle he didn’t crash. His thoughts weren’t on his surroundings. They were with Danneel. He smiled when he remembered how taken he had been with her the moment he had met her. She was one of Jared’s patients, and she had advanced cervical cancer. Most patients Jensen met upon Jared telling them the news was screaming and crying. They would yell at Jared for something that was out of his control, or beg for him to rerun the results cause there had to be a mistake.

Danneel had done neither. She had taken a deep breath, sitting down in the chair she had refused to sit in moments ago, gathering herself before looking up at her doctor and nurse.

“So how are we gonna kick this thing’s ass?”

Jensen still smiled as he remembered her words. Danneel Harris had been one of a kind. She was courageous and ready to fight for the life she wanted. She had gone through surgery two days later, even if Jensen had seen the look of trepidation on her face when Jared told her what they needed to do. The surgery was robbing her of a dream. She would never have kids of her own, but she had trusted Jared when he told her it was the only way. She was ready to fight for her life and make any sacrifices she had too along the way.

Jensen wiped the tears away with the back of his hand as he remembered the first time he had held her in his arms. It had been a few days after the surgery, and she was recovering nicely. Jensen, the head nurse on the cancer wing, often worked closely with Jared and shared all of his patients. Danneel Harris hadn’t been any exception.

Jensen handed off Mrs. Williams charts to Briana at the desk with a smile before grabbing Ms. Harris’. She had quickly become one of his favorite patients, and even if the cancer had been advanged, Jared had managed to get most of it. There were no guarantees. There never were in these kind of things, but Jensen and Jared both hoped that with a few rounds of very aggressive chemotherapy Ms. Harris would be able to walk out of the hospital a healthy woman.

Today Jensen had to change her bandages and make sure the wound was healing nicely. He was reading over the notes on the chart Jared had put there last night as he walked down the hall and into the room. He didn’t notice her at first, not until he heard the quiet sobs, and his eyes immediately searched the room to no avail.

“Ms. Harris?” Jensen called out as he put the chart down on the table next to her bed, smiling a little when he heard her voice correct him from somewhere behind the bed.

“Danneel. How many times do I need to tell you to call me Danneel?” she grumbled, but the distress was still evident in her voice. Jensen walked around the bed, quickly kneeling down beside her on the floor where she was sitting against the wall.

“Ms. Ha…” Jensen started but thought better of it when her tearfilled eyes shot lightning at him, “Danneel, what are you doing on the floor? You’ll get sick.” Jensen worried, and Danneel laughed a humorless laugh.

“Really? What do you call this?” She pulled up her shirt revealed her bandages to him, and Jensen felt a pang in his heart. It hurt seeing her like this. The strong, stubborn woman he had come to know over the last few days was in tears before him, and honestly, she seemed like someone that was about to give up. Jensen wouldn’t let her.

“Your battle scar.” Jensen sent her a wink and a smile, which she returned reluctantly, letting her shirt fall in place and her head rested back against the wall.

“My little brother and niece were here earlier,” she started explaining, and Jensen moved to sit next to her. He still wanted to get her off the cold floor as fast as possible, but he had also come to know her well enough to know that there would be no moving her until she was good and ready. Instead Jensen decided to listen.

“I always wanted kids. I always thought there would be time. Seeing Valarie today, it hit me that I won’t ever have that.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Jensen instinctively wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t professional. He knew that, but Danneel wasn’t like his other patients. He had known that from the moment he first laid eyes on her. She was special. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest, crying against him. He closed his eyes trying to restrain himself from kissing her hair. He wished he could make all her disease magically go away. He wished he could make everything better and give her back the life she had once had. He couldn’t so instead he just held her, offering her some some sense of comfort.

Jensen didn’t say anything at first. She needed to grieve and he was going to let her. He knew that in that moment there was nothing he could say that would make the impact of her lose better. He was just going to be there for her as long as she needed him. There were other ways to become a mom, but Jensen knew the strong, intelligent lawyer in his arms already knew that. That wasn’t what she was grieving. She mourned the loss of never getting to experience a life growing inside of her, the excitement of telling her partner and bringing a life into the world.

A lot of people would call her stupid, telling her that she had more important things to be worried about. They would call her spoiled because she had the money and lifestyle to adopt a child, but not Jensen. He understood her pain, and she was entitled to it. A dream had been stolen from her, and even if another could eventually take its place, she had every right to be hurting now.

After that day, something had changed between them. Danneel made jokes that caused Jensen to flush bright red as he was changing her bandages, and her giggle when she saw it made his heart skip a beat. There were lingering hand touches and urges to kiss her that he pushed down. Whenever Jensen had a free moment, he found himself circling back to her room, even having lunch with her once or twice in her room.

Offcourse Jared noticed and pulled him aside. What Jensen had expected to be a reprimand on unprofessional behavior with patients had been a friendly talk. A talk that had made Jensen really realise how he felt about her the more he talked. Jared had offered his support, but also advised Jensen to be cautious. Just because her surgery had been a success, she wasn’t out of the woods yet. When it came to Danneel being a patient Jared knew his friend. He had known him for years, and he had never seen him happier or more drawn to someone. Jared knew Jensen wouldn’t take advantage of his patient, and nothing would happen unless Jensen knew Danneel absolutely wanted it too.

“You met at a party and referred her to me. You were friends before she came here. You told me about her,” Jared shrugged with a smile,.“If anyone asks that’s my answer.”

Jensen stopped at a redlight, letting his mind wander to the day she had been released from the hospital. She was going to be back twice a week for chemotherapy, but he was no longer going to see her everyday. She was no longer under his direct care.

“What are you doing here?” Danneel laughed, stuffing some of her stuff into her bag, only taking a break to give Jensen a puzzled look. “Cme to wish me goodbye and good luck on your day off? I’m honored nurse Ackles,” she teased.

Jensen nervously ran his hand behind his neck, giving her a nervous smile. “Actually, I came hoping you’d have lunch with me? Non hospital food lunch.” He sent her a small smirk, trying his best to hide his nerves, when he saw the surprise on her face.

Jensen was just about ready to start apologizing for his behavior when her face broke into a huge smile, and she nodded. “Well I kinda wanna go home and shower and dress in something that doesn’t smell like hospital. How about dinner instead?” she asked, and Jensen felt his stomach do a flip as he smiled so hard his cheeks started to hurt.

“Dinner sounds perfect. Can I give you a ride home, or is your brother picking you up?” Jensen asked hopeful, causing Danneel to giggle.

“No he had a business meeting. A ride would be amazing Jensen,” she assured him, kissing his cheek as she walked past him. “Thank you.”

Jensen’s eyes were closed, the feeling of her lips still clear against his skin. It was almost like she was right there next to him. Right up until a horn went off behind him and startling him to open his eyes. The light was green, and Danneel wasn’t beside him.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he put the car into motion, continuing towards his destination. He busied his mind, remembering how beautiful she had been in that red dress on their first date,. How shy she had appeared when he took her hand and asked her to dance with him. How perfect she had felt in his arms, and how at home he had felt when they’d shared their first kiss. He remembered the next few dates and the butterflies she had given him. He remembered her showing up at the hospital during his shift on New Year’s Eve and how scared he had been when he saw her.

“Dani! What are you doing here? Are you feeling okay?” Jensen rambled, looking her up and down, trying to detect what could be wrong with her, not even noticing the mischievous smile on her face before she pressed the silly hat onto his head.

“I’m good you dork,” she laughed. “I was just at my brother’s party, and I all of a sudden knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be.” Danneel nodded towards the TV where the count down to the ball drop had begun.

“I wanted to be with my boyfriend when the ball drops.” She grinned, and Jensen felt the tears press against his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. Danneel reached up cupping his face in her hands just as the last ten seconds started counting down.

“I love you, DeeDee,” Jensen spoke, softly telling her how he felt for the first time. Danneel smiled so brightly that the sun would pale in comparison. Her lips crashed against his just as the people around them started calling Happy New Year, and the fireworks went off on the TV screen.

“I love you too, Jay,” Danneel beamed when they broke apart for air, and Jensen kissed her again, not caring about his friends and co-workers cheering and whistling around him. He didn’t release her until Jared poked his shoulder, and Jensen looked back at his friends with a dazed, goofy grin on his face.

Jared rolled his eyes playfully still couldn’t help but smile. “Get out of here. I know your shift doesn’t end for another 2 hours, but I can’t stand that stupid smirk for that long,” Jared teased, and Jensen didn’t need to be told twice.

Jensen took her hand, and began pulling a giggling Danneel behind him. Her hand barely left his for the entire drive back to her place, and the second they reached her apartment, his hands were all over her.

He was kissing her against the wall, her legs hooked around his waist, her hands in his hair, and both of their shirts were already on the floor before he had gotten a hold of himself. It was barely two months since she had gone through surgery. He needed to calm himself down.

“Dee. We don’t have to do this,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, trying to will his body to relax. It wasn’t easy. He wanted her, needed her, but she was too important to him. He wanted this moment to be perfect.

“I want too.” Dannel gently tugged his hair, urging him to look at her. “I want you to make love to me,” she begged almost shyly, and Jensen couldn’t deny her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as he carried her towards her bedroom.

He gently laid her down on the bed before following her. His eyes momentarily searched hers for any doubts. When he found none, he kissed her. Sweet and innocent at first until her hands began to wander, and Jensen could no longer keep his still either.

Their hands and lips gently caressed each other as they slowly undressed. Her breath hitched when his kisses trailed down to her breasts and over her stomach, lingering over the scar from her surgery before finally settling with his head between her legs.

Every gasp of his name falling from her lips made his length twitch with need. Every soft moan was music to his ears, and when she finally fell apart, squeezing her thighs around his head and making his ears ring, he swore he could die happy right then and there.

“You okay?” Jensen grinned when she finally released him, and he moved to lie besides her, gently tracing patterns on her skin with the tips of his fingers, enjoying how it caused her to temper slightly.

“Never better,” she giggled, before turned her head to face him with a bright smile. “Wow. You’re really good at that!”

“If you need a break…” Jensen spoke softly, not wanting to push her in anyway, but Danneel just rolled her eyes at him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, almost pulling him on top of her, making Jensen laugh into her kiss.

“Bossy,” he mumbled, kissing his way down her jaw before sucking down on the spot he discovered that made her arch into him every time.

“Jensen stop teasing me,” she whined, and Jensen grinned against her skin. He pulled back, looking into her eyes before reaching down between them and stroking himself a few times before aligning his length with her entrance.

“You ready?” he asked, and Danneel bit her lip in anticipation as she nodded.

“Please.”

Jensen and Danneel didn’t break eye contact as he slowly pushed himself into her. She gasped when he bottomed out, but she quickly relaxed, wrapping her arms and legs around him as he kissed her sweetly. He gave her all the time in the world to adjust before slowly starting to move. He set a slow, loving pace to match his kiss. A kiss that eventually, turned into breathing and gasping against each other’s lips as Jensen slowly brought them both closer to their end.

Danneel came a second time, calling out his name, and Jensen soon followed with an animalistic groan of her’s. They stayed close together that night. They could barely stop kissing as they held each other close, exchanging sweet nothings for hours before they dosed off to sleep with blissful smiles gracing their faces.

After that night, there hadn’t been a free moment that Jensen hadn’t shared with Danneel. He had taken her to basketball games, movies and ice skating on the days she had been up for it. On the ones where her body barely let her move, they had stayed in, cuddling on the bed or couch while watching old movies and eating whatever Jensen had been able to whip up for them.

He had visited her during chemotherapy when he was at work, and Misha, who had been her nurse through her care, had teased them both relentlessly everytime Jensen leaned into kiss her hello or goodbye.

“I think I missed that class in nursing school,” Misha grinned when Jensen gave Danneel a sweet kiss before getting up to get back to his rounds. “Oh well. I am a quick learner, besides, I’d do anything for my favorite patient,” Misha grinned, leaning in to pretend to try and kiss Jensen’s girlfriend, only to have Danneel hit him square in the face with one of her pillows.

“Try that again, and you’re gonna need a nurse and a few doctors,” she smirked, making Jensen laugh as Misha fake pouted.

“That’s my girl,” Jensen kissed the top of her head. “See you at home with pizza and ice cream.”

It wasn’t until Jensen put the car into park that he allowed himself to remember the last night he had been truly happy. It was the last time he had felt any hope. It had been the night before her meeting with Jared and the night she had tried to break up with him the first time.

“What��s this?” Jensen frowned seeing the boxes on her living room floor as he walked into her apartment after a 12 hour shift.

“It’s your stuff,” Danneel kept her distance from him, stepping back when he reached for her, making Jensen’s heart shatter into a million pieces.

“Did I do something?” he asked. “I’m sorry for whatever it was. Can we please talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about Jensen,” Danneel spoke, clearly fighting her tears. “You’re amazing, but no matter what Jared is going to tell me tomorrow, you deserve better than me. I’m broken… Even if I make it through this. I’ll never be able to give you a family. I…”

“Dee stop!” Jensen raised his voice at her for the first time, and she instantly stopped talking.

He didn’t want to scared her. He just needed her to stop. Her eyes widened a bit in surprise, but she didn’t move this time when he stepped towards her. Her words from seconds before were still ringing in his ears. How could she not see how perfect she was to him? He didn’t care that she could never have a biological child. He didn’t care if she had months of treatments to go. All he wanted was her.

“Baby you’re my family. No matter what Jared is going to tell us tomorrow. That won’t change,” Jensen assured her, gently running his hands up and down her arms.

He hesitated for a while when she didn’t respond. “Dee please. Don’t do this. I love you.”

She didn’t even look at him, and Jensen felt the panic rise inside of him. This couldn’t be how things ended between them. He wouldn’t let it. His thoughts traveled to the shopping trip he had taken after one of her chemo sessions. She had been asleep at home, and Jensen had been watching her for a few hours before he had left for the store, overtaken by the feeling he never wanted to be without her again. He didn’t know what else to do in this moment even if this had not been his plan at all.

“Screw it,” Jensen muttered, kneeling down before her, fishing the box out of his pocket that had been burning a hole into it for weeks. He closed his eyes for a second hearing Danneel gasp before starting to protest.

“Jensen, you don’t have to too do do this…”

“I know I don’t have to do anything. Dee, I love you. I want to be with you. No matter what. And please stop worrying about not being able to have kids. We can adopt or get a dog. Whatever you want. I’ll be happy as long as I have you,” Jensen rambled, taking her hand in his as her tears started streaming down her face.

“Danneel ,I love you with all of my heart. Make me the luckiest man alive and do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Jensen asked, hesitantly looking up into her eyes.

A huge smile spread across his face when she nodded through her tears, whispering a yes. Jensen quickly pushed the ring onto her finger before jumping to his feet, pulling her into his arms and kissing her breathless.

Jensen hit the steering wheel of his truck over and over again, as a scream that barely sounded human erupted through the vehicle. It wasn’t fair. The next day when they had walked into Jared’s office together, all Jensen had needed was one look at his friend’s face to know this was where things were going to end.

He had stayed strong for her that day, holding her as she cried. He hadn’t let her push him away when the first blood clots had occurred or when the vaginal bleeding had begun. He had married her on a beautiful summer day, surrounded by their family and closest friends. He had taken her on their honeymoon, carrying her to bed when she had been too tired to walk and staying by her side as she slept.

He had held her hand through the pain when the cancer slowly stole the life of the strong, smiling woman he had come to love. She stayed brave and filled with life right up until that morning when she just hadn’t woken up, and her skin had felt icy against his lips as he leaned in to kiss her good morning.

Jensen had screamed out her name much like he had sitting in his truck alone today. The difference was that she had still been in his arms then. He had rocked her lifeless body and begged her to come back to him, even if he knew she was gone.

She was gone, and Jensen was now walking across the cemetery until he reached her headstone. He kneeled down in front of it, replacing the roses he had gotten this morning with the lilacs he had place on her grave just a few days ago.

“Happy Valentine’s Day honey,” Jensen choked back his tears. It had been a year today, and he still felt as if he could barely breathe without her. “I know you would yell at me for still coming here every day, but I just miss you so fucking much.” Jensen’s voice broke as the tears streamed down his cheeks. “I’ll always love you, Dee.”

Elta Danneel Ackles

03.18.1979 - 14.02.2009

Beloved daughter, sister and wife.

Gone too soon, but never forgotten.

Padackles Tag Team (Jenneel and Jarevieve)

@mrspadalackles @roxyspearing @blacktithe7 @atc74 @mogaruke @crushing83 @theoriginalvick @jensen-gal @mysterious-398 @ericaprice2008 @adriellej @ashleydivine @percywinchester27 @becs-bunker @queen-of-deans-booty @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @smoothdogsgirl @ryantherandomhero @sillesworldofwriting @docharleythegeekqueen @mysupernaturalfics @evansrogerskitten @mrswhozeewhatsis @carryonmyswansong @thelittleredwhocould @super100012 @opeeta @cassieraider @lonelygoldheart @jayankles @oneshoeshort

#spnaubingo #jenneel #jensen x danneel #jensen ackles #danneel ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #danneel ackles fanfiction #danneel x jensen #jenneel angst #jenneel smut #jensen smut #jensen angst #danneel angst #danneel smut #spn rpf au #Jensen Ackles AU #danneel ackles au

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charmspoint · 3 years ago

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I know you said they don't have a concrete story yet, but would you be ok with telling us more about Zan and Ghost? They seem really interesting

Anon you don't know what you unleashed its like past 1am here but I could talk about them forever.

This is gonna be under the cut because nobody has to be subjected to this.

General quick point: Both of these started off as bnha oc's but then reached that point where I was like 'yeah, I want them in their own story' so rn their powers are just powers with no wider context since I aint got that story

I'm gonna start with Zan cuz he's older by creation and my fav oc atm. For him we have TW's of child abuse and neglect, familial death, trauma, drug abuse, depression and anxiety, though I'll be running through this points as quickly and non graphically as I can cuz...I'm not gonna make you read my thesis so it should be fine.

His full legal name is Kazuya Moriyama but he goes by Zan Mori, he's 24. Zan was created to be two things 1. Character design with a fully body tattoo 2. Someone to use a power I came up with but didn't match with a character yet.

Here's that power, yes I have a copy paste off it:

Nightmare fuel is a power that terrorizes everyone, including its user. Zan’s sweat contains a special kind of chemical that when smelled causes mild to severe hallucinations, paranoia and other fear responses by interacting with victims brain chemistry. However, this chemical is only contained in sweat that he produces as a result of fear so, for example if he goes running in the gym, nothing bad will happen. The strength of the power depends on how much Zan himself is afraid and how much sweat he is producing. A weak dose will only result in sense of unease, a feeling of being watched, escalating through general paranoia, with its worst manifestation being complete loss of touch with reality and intense hallucinations. It's odorless and since it’s a chemical can be stored for later use. The last stages of it are very hard to reach because they require for Zan to be at similar levels of severe distress. It affects him as well, often resulting in endless loop of him being afraid, activating his power because of his fear, the power causing more intense fear and so on.

So here is where we start to build.

Zan's backstory hinges on him developing this power very early on in his life, as a result of mutation that his parents were not ready for. Kids get scared of things, a lot, especially when their own power feeds back into that fear. His family quickly spiraled from it, going from trying to figure out how to help him to neglecting him to dying very bloodily in front of him as a result of the constant psychological distress. After that he was cycled through different foster and youth homes with pretty similar result before striking it on his own basically as soon as he could.

Zan's main motivation is to find a way to get rid of his power. He hates it, hates what it represents and how it essentially stripped away his ability to connect with anyone. He doesn't control it, he doesn't activate it, it simply happens to him whenever he gets distressed and as someone with deep seated anxiety caused by that very same power, he gets distressed a lot.

He self-medicates. He self medicates a lot. I don't really have the world planned out but it's very much a world where powers are a new thing and the society just doesn't have systems in place to catch people like Zan. So he basically keeps himself high as much as he can, to numb himself out so he doesn't feel anything so he doesn't get scared so his power doesn't get activated.

When I created Zan, I expected him to be a very jaded, angry, abrasive character and in some ways he is. He's very slow to trust and tends to keep away from people. His first instinct is to mock and insult, he dresses like an emo reject, he's absolutely covered in tattoos, he's a dark humored pessimist and just not the kind of person you want to be around for long. He's also probably one of the most empathic characters I have on the roster atm. He's like, a natural big brother. Any kids younger then him, fuck older than him but awkward and unsure, he's instantly adopting. Fuck everything else, his kids now, he'll make them lunch and make sure they get to school. Zan is more so abrasive out of need than out of actual malice or bad attitude. He does want to be close to people he just knows how that always ends so keeping away is a lot safer. He is genuinely very loving and soft when he lets himself be. He's not great about advice but he's a good listener and the type to throw everything on the backburner to come and help a friend out. He is inherently kind, he just doesn't allow himself to be so very often, unless someone damn well takes a chisel and digs it out of him.

Fun fact time:

He's got a knack for painting and idolizes Van Gogh

He's got a cat named Shikei who he picked up after it got run over by a car, it likes only him and wants to see the rest of humanity burn

Here are his established tattoos, yes I have a copy paste for that too:

Full body tattoo in shape of a jungle of thorns crawling over his entire body, save most of his face. The whole piece is done in eerie, cold colors, with a sudden splash of warmer color here and there, the thorns themselves being colored in misty and muted blues and greens. Over his heart, there is a tattoo of a birds nest, but the nest is breaking apart, suffocated by the thorns clustering around it and breaking into it, its branches drenched in blood, the baby birds in it barely even noticeable. Along the length of his spine and over the width of his hips an ornate cross of st. peter is painted, also crumbling, red spider lilies breaking through the frail rock. His shoulder blades are covered in sunflowers, strikingly bright on the cold surface of the thorns and painted in Van Gogh style. There is a chain of daisies lines across his neck and down to his chest, covering an old scar and a tiny ring of roses over his ring finger. On the nape of his neck, two butterflies are pinned by the thorns, appearing to still be alive and in agony as their bodies are pierced. A silver snake slithers through the thorns on his right arm, though its shade helps it blend in with the color of thorns, it’s body a tiny bit coiled, considering should it strike or not. On the back of his left hand there is a tiny leaf bug, trying to hide amidst the bare thorns and on the outer shell of his ear, mostly hidden from view by his head, is a ladybug, wings spread like it is about to fly away. A swarm of blue butterflies paint the silhouette of his lungs across his skin and two koi fishes circle each other endlessly on his hip. In thorns climbing up and down his neck, there are tiny fireflies, just barely bright enough to be seen. Two thin thorn branches separate themselves from the cluster on his neck and climb across his temples, their thorns appearing to be piercing through his skin and letting blood flow.

The tattoo is still in progress.

This was the brief summary.

Ghost! Ghost is a lot newer than Zan, I only made them at the start of this year so they are a lot less detailed but they hit the ground running. Their tw are mostly prostitution and existentialist feelings but I'm not getting into anything in detail.

Their full name is Ghostown Verb and yes they did name themselves that. They are 27 and their power is Forget me not, as I said previously, as soon as they are out of someone's line of sight, to that person it's like they never existed. The memories of meeting them return as soon as they are back in the field of vision but uhh you can see how it would be super easy to lose a child like that.

Ghost grew up on the street in a kind of do whatever you can when you can how you can attitude. Turns out it's really hard to get help from anyone when they can't remember you as soon as they stop looking at you, which includes but is not limited to social workers, well meaning passerby, police, foster homes and landlords. The name and face for the paperwork doesn't exist and people just find themselves grasping at nothing, feeling like they are forgetting something but not knowing what it is. It works in some ways, shoplifting is a lot easier when you're sure that you can just turn a corner and be safe, but it's mostly just a hassle. Ghost is homeless most of the time and when they were old enough for it their career of choice became prostitution simply because it's pretty much the only job where the customer doesn't need to remember you after they're no longer looking at you and it's not like Ghost has to answer to any boss who would have to either.

They had not had a kind life but they are the let and let live type. They don't stress a lot about things and generally take everything in a fly. They are very extroverted, very loud, very friendly. They form friendships fast because they know they'll lose them fast and same goes with love affairs. They live in the moment because for everyone else the moment is the only place where they exist. Loud fashion, loud words, loud actions, provocative and noticeable, they just want to be seen by people, remembered by people, they want the attention on them even though they know it's useless. Much like Zan they also have no control of their power so all they can do is live with it. At least it doesn't bring anyone any direct harm, they are grateful for that much.

But it does leave them displaced, unanchored. They don't have any support system, no family, no long term friends. The system can't even remember them for long enough to decide it isn't equipped to deal with them. They flitter through peoples lives, there one moment and gone the next. The biggest impact they can hope to have is the nagging feeling of having forgotten something.

It's not like they are exactly sad about it, their main mentality is just not to worry about things they can't change. These are the cards they've been dealt with and play those cards they shall. At the very least they are having fun with their life, doing whatever they want with no one remembering them long enough to stop them.

But it's a lonely existence with no viable human connection. That much does get to them.

Fun facts!

They have a tattoo of a forget-me-not on their shoulder, I haven't decided do they have it before the plot whatever it is starts, or do they get it cuz Zan's influence.

They like to make their own clothes when they can, though having a stable enough place to be for a long enough time is rare.

Their biggest fear is that when they die nobody will remember to look for their body :)

That was a brief rundown of these two! If you made it to the end damn congrats I love you

#anon #oc talk #I CAN TALK A VERY LONG TIME ABOUT MY OCS THIS ISNT EVEN THE DEEP DIVE #it might look like i like ghost less cuz i got way less for them but bls remember that zan is like....fuck like 3-4 years old #probs 3 as he is #4 if we count the thrown away beta design #ghost was born in February this year he's not even a full year old what a baby #ahhhh but anyway thank you for asking im always super excited to talk about my ocs #thank you for letting me geek out!!!!#i am NOT going to spell check all of that rn its almost 3am if i wrote something badly you'll have to live with it #zan mori #ghostown verb #they should have their own tags they deserve it #zan #ghost

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