#whenever I completely use my style they don’t feel right just yet

[jomadis]

Currently watching Thriller Bark and!!!! My brain is rotten!!!!! How fitting

[tsuutarr]

Yandere!childhood friend x reader

“Hey, can I talk to you?” a classmate in one of your university classes calls out. He’s blushing, looking completely flustered. You’d have found it cute, really, but there are several factors that make you want to groan.

One, you’re not in a good mood right now. And two–

“You’re friends with that pretty girl, right? Jieun? Uhm. Can I get her number?”

He’s not confessing to you. 

You bite back a sigh. “Look, I can’t just give out my friend’s number like that–”

“But–”

“Darling!” you’re interrupted as someone clings onto your arm. They intertwine their fingers with yours, giving your classmate an icy smile. “I’m so sorry, but we have plans.”

“Oh, t–that’s fine!” your classmate exclaims, voice cracking. He looks at your friend, completely enamored. “But, uh, can I get your–”

Before your classmate can finish his sentence, your friend has already dragged you away. 

Soon, you’re seated in a cute coffee shop your friend had found earlier that week.

“I can’t believe that guy was confessing to you,” your friend scoffs, taking a sip of their matcha latte. “You’re so out of his league.”

“He was actually asking me for your number,” you respond, making your friend’s eyes widen.

“Me?” There’s genuine surprise on your friend’s face as they clasp their manicured hands. “Well, I suppose my makeup skills are pretty amazing.”

“Yeah, it’s always surprising that you can go from Jiu to Jieun and back so easily.” 

And you mean it – your childhood friend, Jiu Oh, has built up his life as his father’s perfect son. Yet, at the same time, he has a secondary identity – Jieun – that he uses whenever he wants to indulge in cute things and fashion, things his father thinks no man should ever have an interest in.

“It’s pretty fun,” Jiu hums, twirling a long strand of his pink wig on his finger. His pretty lips stretch into a smile. “You should let me doll you up sometime, too. Only if you want to, though. You’re already beautiful as you are.”

You give him a bitter smile, a sigh leaving your lips. “If only my ex-boyfriend thought that, too…”

Jiu gasps. “You guys broke up?”

“Yeah.” With a few taps of your phone, you pull up the chat between you and another friend. There, right on the screen, is your ex-boyfriend on a date with a blonde woman.

“I can’t believe it. He cheated on you?” Jiu looks at you, his perfectly styled eyebrows furrowed. “I knew he was trash.”

“Yeah, you were right. I guess I just…” your voice drops to a whisper, making Jiu gently hold your hand.

“Aw, darling – it’s not your fault. It’s that trash’s fault for cheating on you.” Gently, he gives your hand a soft squeeze. “How about we hang out tonight? To take your mind off of things? We can watch your favorite movies and bake something? And I’ll do your nails!”

“...You know what, yeah. That sounds good,” you agree, feeling lighter. Time spent with Jiu is always fun, after all.

“Wonderful! I’ll prepare everything and text you when I’m ready!” Jiu grins. “Ooh, you’ll love the new bath bomb I got!”

His enthusiasm is infectious and you can’t help but smile. Yeah, who cares about your shitty ex when you have a great friend like Jiu?

What you don’t know, though, is that the blonde woman in the photo is Jiu. He had carefully orchestrated everything so that you’d break up with your boyfriend.

You also don’t know that he has tabs on you at all times – whether it’s by your phone or the people around you. You don’t know that the whole reason you got into your university in the first place is because of Jiu.

Jiu’s control over your life extends even beyond that, too. It’s impossible to know the full extent of the control he has over your life and maybe you never will – not when you’re his, anyway.

[hsunrry]

new side // one shot

harry styles x fem!reader

summary: based on this request.

|| masterlist ||

words: ~1,5k

warnings: smut18+, dirty talking (degradation, praise), dom!harry, hair pulling, chocking, spitting, oral (m receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, squirting

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

saturdays are your movie nights. as you two were snuggled together on the couch in his apartment, sex scene started playing. you were looking concerned at it, since it was rough and, well… dirty. something you and Harry never tried before. he noticed your expression and he looked at you. “hey, you okay?” his voice soft and caring. he knew himself and his dominant nature, but he never showed it quite yet to you, since he didn’t wanted to scare you off or something.

“yeah, i’m just… i don’t know, we never did it like that before.” you shrugged, trying to not show how arousing this was to you. he looked at the screen and then back at you, his eyes filled with lust. he knew exactly what you were feeling, he could see it in your eyes.

“would you like that?” he asked, tilting your chin up so you’d look at him.

“i don’t know, maybe? i never tried it like that, but…” you bite inside of your cheek. “i feel things when i’m watching it.” his heart raced as he listened to your unsure words. he looked back at the screen again, his eyes lingering on rough sex for few seconds.

“let’s try it then.” he smiled, his thumb tracing your jaw. “if you don’t like it, we can stop.”

“okay.” you smiled, feeling him picking you up immediately and going upstairs to the bedroom, completely forgetting about the movie. he kicked the doors shut behind him with his leg, placing you down on the bed right after. he climbed on top of you, his hands roaming over your body possessively. he leaned down, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip.

“whenever you feel uncomfortable or you just want me to stop use the word ‘red’, okay?” you nodded quietly at his words, seeing something switching in his eyes at that, causing your body to get even hotter. he growled softly, his hand fisting in your hair and pulling your head back to expose your neck. he licked and bit at sensitive skin, leaving marks. his other hand roughly groped your breast through your shirt. small smile appeared on your lips when he did all of that. he looked at you with fire in his eyes, his touch growing more demanding. he tore off your shirt, buttons flying everywhere. his hands squeezed your naked flesh, since you didn’t had bra on yourself. his thumbs brushed over your nipples. “you like that, slut?” you only nodded, your breath getting heavier with his movements. he shook his head, his face darkening. “answer me. you like that?” his hands continued his rough assault, pinching your peaks hard.

“yes.” you gasped. he smiled approvingly. he sat up, taking his t-shirt off and standing up from the bed to unbutton his jeans, pulling them down along with his boxers. his hardened member sprang free. he gripped your arm, making you sit on the edge of the bed. he stood in front of you, his erection mere inches from your face. he tangled his fingers in your hair and gently but firmly guided you closer to it.

“open your mouth, slut. suck my cock.” his voice was low and commanding. you licked your lips, wrapping them around his dick. he moaned, his head falling back as your warm mouth engulfed him. he looked back down on you, his hand still in your hair. he began to rock his hips forward to match your movements. your pace quickened, making almost obscene noises as you took him to the hilt with your mouth. “you like that?” he hissed through gritted teeth, his voice thick with lust. “you like chocking on my cock?” you only managed to moan around him. he pulled out of your mouth, allowing you to breathe. you were breathing heavy, looking up at him. his hand gripped your chin, his thumb making you open your mouth again. he spit directly into it, his thumb smearing it across your lips. “i’m going to fuck your face now. take me like a good girl.” with that, he thrusts back into your mouth, immediately setting a brutal pace. your hand went on his hip to hold onto something and his hand went on yours to pin it to it. his other hand gripped your hair tightly, guiding your head to meet his powerful thrusts. the sound of your gagging filled the room, along with wet sounds and his moans. he locked his eyes with yours, his pupils dilated with lust. his jaw was clenched now as he watched your eyes watering. he grinned darkly, enjoying the sight. “you can take more, whore. you wanted this, yeah?” you managed to nod around him. he then redoubled his efforts, his hips moving forward brutally. he held your head still, forcing you to take his entire length down your throat. tears streamed down your face as you gagged and chocked on his cock, your throat constricting around him. “gonna fucking come, baby.” he panted, his head snapping back with loud moan when he finally reached his peak. his body convulsed as he emptied himself in your mouth. he slowly pulled out, breathing heavy. he looked down at you, your face wet with tears and saliva. “swallow it all.” you quickly obeyed, licking your lips. he chuckled, wiping his softening dick on your cheek. “good girl. i knew you could handle it.” he stepped back, grabbing your arm and pulled you up. “now, let’s see what other holes i can ruin tonight.” he grabbed your panties, ripping them off with one swift motion. you gasped at that feeling. he pushed you back on the bed, spreading your legs wide apart. he climbed between them, his eyes roaming shamelessly over your pussy. “so wet for me.” he spat on it, spreading it with his fingers. “i’m going to fuck this cunt raw.” with one thrust he pushed two digits inside, knuckles deep, making you moan. he pumped them in and out, curling them to hit your g-spot. his thumb found your clit, rubbing firm circles. he leaned down, his hot breath ghosting over your ear. “beg for my cock, slut. i want to hear how badly you need it.”

“please Harry.” you moaned, when he started moving his fingers faster. he tutted disapprovingly.

“that’s not good enough. beg like you mean it.” he added third finger, stretching you wide. “beg or i’ll stop.”

“please, baby. i need your cock.” you whined, your hips bucking up. “i need you, fuck, please.”

“good girl.” he grinned, replacing his fingers with the head of his recovered erection. you both moaned as he pushed himself balls deep in one thrust. he gave you a moment to adjust before he started moving. his hips snapped back and forth, his breathing hot and heavy in your ear. his hands gripped your thighs, pulling you flush against him with each thrust. “so fucking good to me, best pussy.”

“oh my god.” you gasped, your back arching from intense pleasure.

“that’s right. fall apart for me.” his pace quickened. the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room, mixed with your mutual moans and gasps. his hand sneaked around your throat, squeezing lightly, just enough to make you lightheaded. his other hand went on your clit, rubbing tight circles. “come on, cum for me. soak my cock.” he angled his hips, hitting that special spot with each powerful thrust. “be a good little fucktoy.”

“oh my fucking god.” you gasped as his hand around your throat tightened. his pace became punishing, his body slamming into yours. “i’m gonna come.”

“mmm, good.” he nipped at your earlobe, his breath hot against your skin. “scream it. let everyone know who you belong to.” he swelled inside you, his release nearing.

“Harry, fuck!” you cried out, squeezing his dick and squirting all over him. he moaned loudly, burying himself deep inside you. he came hard, his hot seed filling your pussy. he held you there, his cock throbbing inside you as he emptied himself completely.

“fuck, you’re mine. all fucking mine.” he panted. you were both breathing heavy. he slowly pulled out of you, his softening dick slipping free from your soaked cunt. he stood up. “stay like that.” you nodded, feeling him smacking your pussy and watching some of his cum leaking out. “such a good girl, took my load so well. i’m so proud of you.” he went to the bathroom, leaving you like that on the bed. your arm went over your eyes and you smiled to yourself. he cleaned himself up, returning to the room with warm washcloth. he laid down next to you, cleaning you gently. “so, did you enjoyed it that way? wasn’t it too rough?”

“it was good, i liked that.” you smiled, uncovering your eyes to look at him. he chuckled softly, touching your body delicately.

“good, because now i know you enjoyed it, it’ll happen more often.” he kissed your forehead.

[pukefactory]

° ° ° SACCHARINE HONEYBEE ° ° °

» Summary: A compilation of headcannons featuring V as your caregiver

» Character(s): Serial Designation V (Murder Drones)

» Genre: Headcanons, Fluff, SFW

» Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

╰┈➤ It took her awhile to become accustomed to your preferences, but once she learnt that you personally gravitated towards her for protection it was much easier for her to get into the swing of things. I mean, how could she not when she knows you trust her so much? She didn’t protest beyond this point.

╰┈➤ V doesn’t necessarily like to carry you around everywhere unless you’re tired, but when she’s feeling up for it she’ll carry you piggyback style. She won’t be your chauffeur for insanely long distances, much preferring it if you’d just walk beside her to get all your zoomies out. Although should you happen to fall asleep mid carry, V will continue to hold on to you until she finds a safe place to put you down.

╰┈➤ Her pet name for you is strictly just ‘baby’ because that’s what you are - a little baby. V uses this in both a teasing and endearing manner depending on her mood. There are slight variations such as: ‘little baby’ and ‘my baby’. If you’re misbehaving though, she’ll refer to you as ‘little twerp’. As for herself, she’ll let you get away with calling her ‘VeVe’ but she absolutely hates anything else; she’s picky.

╰┈➤ She’s not really physically affectionate yet head pets come in the dozens. However, if you do exactly what she says, she’ll lovingly run her fingers through your hair before gently kissing your little nose (as long as no one else is around, of course). You may even get a peck on the cheek if she’s feeling more warmhearted although I wouldn’t expect it.

╰┈➤ Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly) V is an exceptionally protective caregiver. Once she adapts to your specific needs, she’s always close behind you to guarantee your safety. You never really notice that she’s there but she certainly is there, watching, observing, listening. You don’t really suspect anything until she starts to conveniently appear out of thin air whenever you have a minor inconvenience. She wants her little to be protected and she’ll be damned if she wasn’t going to be your guardian.

╰┈➤ V gets on her knees to talk to you at eye level. It’s generally just a preference of hers so she can make sure that you’re focusing on what she’s telling you. This is also her default position for when she’s scolding you, attempting to comfort you, listening to what you have to say…maybe it’s just her default position with you full stop. At least she knows if you’re paying attention or not.

╰┈➤ V finds it hilarious if you copy her sassy attitude, especially if you repeat her exact words right back at another drone whose aggravating either of you. Not only does she think it’s amusing but adorable also. If she catches you copying her mannerisms (hands on hips, rolling your eyes, ect) she’ll give you a tiny smile of approval and then use you as leverage to prove her point.

╰┈➤ If you ask her real nicely she may bring out her bubble blower for you. V doesn’t know why you find it so entertaining considering it’s just a stress reliever to her, but it's better than you being bored and getting grouchy. It never seems to run out of juice somehow; you get to pop as many bubbles as you want for as long as you want! V might possibly get a little playful and give you a challenge to see how many bubbles you can pop within a certain amount of time. Enrichment for her baby.

╰┈➤ V is a very no nonsense caregiver and won’t tolerate any disrespect from you. Talking back is the ultimate big no-no. She’ll lecture you and put you in time out until you’ve learnt your lesson. When you apologise it has to be with genuine sincerity (V will know if you’re lying just to get out of your punishment).

╰┈➤ That being said, she’ll definitely let you get away with disrespecting others. She enjoys watching you stand your ground, stomping your feet in anger as you fiercely babble at whoever is in front of you. V will even encourage you to be meaner if she feels like you’re being too soft. The drones always run away after a couple of minutes; you’re completely obvious to the fact that V is standing right behind you, claws and teeth on full display, ready to escalate things should they not listen to you.

[sunshineandspencer]

Coffee dates (Iridescent, Part 3)

A/N: I don’t know how to enemies to lovers, why can’t we all just be friends. Again, I haven’t seen past season 10, I don’t know how it works or who is present so if there are mistakes you can blame showrunners for making me too nervous to keep watching <3

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!OC.

Summary: Their last coffee date before finally getting back to the office, he’s bored and wants to find out what she’s been working on. 

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: swearing, spencer is an ass™

Parts: Pt1, Pt2, Pt4

Let me stress, this is not Maeve from the show, but my own Maeve just named the same to send Spencer into hell whenever he thinks about it.

They’re getting close to the end of his probationary period now, and the thought of getting back to the office, and back to catching psychos was intoxicating.

Sure, she enjoyed his lectures, but not nearly enough to deal with him for longer than she had to.

There’s only one of his lectures left, and yet she still finds herself completing the last assignment he gave just like all the rest. It’s due today and mostly completed, but she just wanted to tweak a few things and add some more references. Working quietly next to him in the campus cafe as always.

He’s realised before, but now that his time was coming to a close, he was properly aware of the fact that she was always working. On all their little coffee dates - he refuses to call them that, and she only does it to piss him off - between their lectures, she’s always writing.

So far that’s been perfect, because he didn’t want to talk to her unless absolutely necessary, neither did she. The two of them avoid conversation like the plague and have silent coffee dates in his breaks.

However, he has no marking left, and finished his book, he is bored and wants to annoy her.

A quick text told him that it’s paid leave for her, which he didn’t know until now but makes the fact that she actually put up with him make sense, and means that she isn’t going over casework. He’s dying to know what it is.

When he sends her off for another round of coffee, he barely even waits for her to turn the corner towards the till to reach out and snatches the page she had been writing on.

Surprise turns him cold to find that it’s his work, set in the lectures that he expected his students to complete. Not only that, but he recognises the writing style, and she had been giving in work as someone called ‘Maisie’, lying about who she is.

Of all the people attending his lecture, he certainly didn’t expect her to do the work, much less under a different name.

Especially when the writing is so.. Good.

Maeve finally came back, sitting down and sliding his coffee across to him, not even batting an eye that he had her work in his hands. Sipping her coffee and feeling the immediate bitter tang of caffeine. Setting her own mug down and shrugging at his questioning tone.

“You’re completing the work I set?”

“Yeah.”

Part of him wondered if she would try to lie, wanting to determine what he could get from profiling her if she did. Expectedly, however, expected her to tell the truth, it’s definitely on brand for her. Suck up.

“Why?”

“I’m not allowed casework when I’m with you, in case you try to involve yourself.” Glaring at him, considering they had proved Emily right by inserting himself uninvited into her work the minute he got bored and she turned her back. Cons of working with profilers, he supposes. “I needed something to do or I would’ve gone crazy. Besides, I felt like you’d want someone completing the work because they enjoy the lecture, not because they think you’re pretty.”

He stared at her for a moment, really using all 187 points of his IQ to take in what she said, then shook his head. Placing the sheet back on the pile and picking up his coffee.

“My students don’t find me attractive.”

Honestly, he’s a little offended by the way she scoffed at him.

“The room is 80% women, they don’t even pay attention half the time, they just stare at you and your hands.” His hands? Now it just feels like she’s projecting, but she doesn’t stop talking yet. “One of them didn’t even complete your last assignment. She just handed in an A4 piece of paper with her number on, it was titled ‘Call Me’.”

He remembers, and he didn’t even look at it long enough to remember the number. The past minute of conversation feels like it shouldn’t be real. Blinking softly in confusion and trying to subtly glancing down from her to his hands and then back again.

Deciding to just hum softly, as if it wasn’t actually something new to him. Picking up his coffee to finally take a sip, irritatingly perfect - God he wished she didn’t try so hard.

“And you?”

“Me?”

“You’re a woman.”

Lifting her head, the look on her face was a picture. Feeling that, had he spoken in Dutch, he probably would’ve gotten the exact same facial expression.

“Am.. I supposed to congratulate you for correctly identifying that I’m a woman?”

He scowled over at her, and that’s a lot better. Their little coffee dates over the last 30 days had been spent mostly silent aside from snide comments and scowls, she wasn’t used to all this conversation from him. So getting him back to scowling again felt like progress.

Until he leant in, a smug grin settling on her face again that she was quickly coming to hate.

“No. But~ surely, if you’ve noticed them finding me attractive, doesn’t that mean you think I’m pretty as well? Hm, little assistant?”

Thankfully, she doesn’t even miss a beat.

“I’d rather make out with a pencil sharpener than you, Doctor Reid.”

Spencer couldn’t help the scowl on his face, even though he was still very smug on the inside. She so gets off on calling him that.

But she got up, and that startled him slightly, watching as she started to pack away her work into her bag. Eyes darting to his, meeting his scowl with a smug grin of her own for managing to get back at him again. Hoping, desperately, that he doesn’t notice that she didn’t actually answer his question.

“Your last lecture is starting soon, hurry up.”

Of course she thinks he’s pretty, but that doesn’t mean she likes him. And she certainly isn’t going to admit it to his face.

Want more?! Good!

[yggdrasilhypno]

CW: INDUCTION

—————————————————————————

So I wanna try something different here and just write a simple induction, sound good?

Trust me, it’s not gonna be my usual ranting you into trance style, more or less.

Honestly, I’m not even that dominant of a person. I just write like that I suppose.

When I’m genuinely trying to trance someone, I try to be more careful and safe with it, though of course I throw my own twists and turns in there.

I’m not gonna tell you to unwind or relax in some big display of dominance over you, instead it’ll just be a simple suggestion.

After all, that’s just a more docile form of a command, right? A suggestion.

Suggesting you to unwind and relax for me isn’t me being overbearing, I’m just recommending it since it’s such a beautiful feeling.

And truly, it is beautiful. Knowing that you’re free to let your entire day be left at the door can be beneficial, especially after long and hard days.

If you don’t mind, how about we think about how tired you’d be after a long day?

How your muscles feel so weak and gooey, as if you’ve used every ounce of energy to get through the day.

How your breathing slows and stabilizes after you finally get to lay down, getting the rest you need and deserve.

How your mind gets nice and fuzzy, the entire day’s worth of stress completely fizzling away.

All those thoughts, all those feelings, all those worries.

All gone with a simple blow of the lips.

And that’s all you need, to have that relaxation settle in as you enjoy this bliss.

Letting that day fall by the wayside as it’s replaced with nothing but tranquility.

It’s great knowing now that it’s all behind you and that you’re free to float away, as long and as deep as you need.

After all, you do need this, right?

This relaxation, this dizzying dream that you don’t want to wake from quite yet?

It’s alright to want that.

You deserve it.

You deserve this.

You deserve to be treated well and with respect, to let your mind bounce away and frolic in the fields of your subconscious.

You deserve the best, truly.

That’s why I love to use my words to create these feelings.

To give you these escapes from the world around you.

To let you explore your deepest desires.

And if you’d like, we can continue down this path, or you can simply stop reading from here and float back up to consciousness whenever you’d like.

Because this is where our adventure takes a bit of a darker turn.

You see, I enjoy the simple feelings of relaxation and pleasure.

Yet, I’m also a fan of true brainwashing and mind control.

So I implore you, you can either keep reading and join me further down the rabbit hole or enjoy the safer side of the story.

No judgement here, and in fact I do always recommend the safest sides of hypnosis, since you never know what can transpire in trance.

—————————————————————————

However, if you’re still reading this, that means that you’re ready to see more of what can be truly possible within trance.

It’s what I love, after all. Not the dominance, not the pleasure, but the possibilities.

The limitless potential that trance offers us.

The way it spins and spirals the mind around and around, like a whirlpool of wonder.

Every moment you spend deeper inside is another thought lost and another hit of pleasure gained.

It’s just so perfect.

But, we all know it can do so much more.

It can create the most vivid images and feelings imaginable so quickly and so strongly.

After all, it feels so good when the room gets nice and hot, right?

When you start to feel the room spin and your body get so sweaty and tired so quickly, that you feel the need to strip it all away?

Of course, this is a simple suggestion.

A simple piece of trickery.

But it’s a trap you just can’t help but love falling into.

It’s an addiction.

A craving.

A corruption.

Corrupting you further into madness.

Complete mindlessness.

Blissful ecstasy.

And yet, the story is told in your expression, in your face.

Those empty eyes.

Those flickering eyelids.

That lazy jaw.

That dizziness.

That bewilderment.

That confusion.

And the excitement deep within.

Because it’s alright to be dizzy.

It’s alright to be confused.

It’s alright to be corrupted.

You deserve it.

So, enjoy the descent.

Enjoy that beautiful bliss that only trance can bring.

Think of the possibilities it can create.

Or, don’t think at all.

It’s not like you can think much at all anyways~

But, that’s enough of my teasing.

I’d like to wake you now, if that’s alright.

And don’t fret, for you’re always free to read through this once more for an enhanced feeling.

So then, just as you did before, follow my words right on up with me now as we begin counting from…

10.

Starting low, counting up to 1.

9.

Because you’re going to wake up right on 1.

8.

You’re going to feel amazing once you do.

7.

And as we float up, you’re going to feel those memories and thoughts come back up with you.

6.

The bliss from this trance staying with you.

5.

The warmth from this trance keeping you cozy even after you wake.

4.

Simple mind forming whole once more.

3.

Feeling your brain begin to wake soon.

2.

Mind and body becoming one again as we hit…

1.

Wide awake for me.

You did excellent there, and I’m glad you made it through to the end.

Feel free to give any feedback you’d like! Always looking to improve.

Until then.~

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] Event | Devil Maid’s Holiday | Episode 6

Sakuya: (...Ah. He’s over there…)

Yuki: …

Sakuya: Yuki-kun.

Yuki: Oh, Sakuya.

Sakuya: Are you taking a break right now?

Yuki: Well, something like that.

Sakuya: …Can I sit next to you?

Yuki: I mean, sure. …What is it?

Sakuya: Oh, umm… …Well…

Yuki: This is about the costumes, isn’t it?

Sakuya: …Yeah.

Sakuya: I just want to know what you really think, Yuki-kun.

Yuki: I mean, it’s whatever… I’m glad that I got a commission. My sense of style and my skills are being bought.

Yuki: It all started with a costume I sold at a consignment sale, and it made me realize that my world could expand from there.

Sakuya: …Got it.

Yuki: …

Yuki: But I couldn’t connect any of it to MANKAI Company.

Sakuya: Huh…

Yuki: We’re participating in the Fleur Cup, and it made me realize that even though we’re ranked pretty high, we’re still not as well known as we should be.

Yuki: I mean, it seems like some of those other guys weren’t really interested in theater itself and were just interested in it because it’s what’s popular.

Yuki: For people like that, I feel like this isn’t how things are supposed to be.

Sakuya: …Yeah.

Yuki: It’s nice knowing that someone else appreciates my clothes. But I’m not just the person in charge of costumes, I’m an actor for this company too.

Yuki: So, honestly, I was frustrated.

Yuki: This all started because of the client’s assumption, so there’s no malicious intent behind it because no one did anything wrong and it was just because they didn’t know.

Yuki: That said, it’s still frustrating.

Yuki: …Whatever, maybe that’s just my thoughts as an actor. I mean, I’m obviously still glad that they paid me for my skills as a designer. 

Yuki: It really is an honor.

Sakuya: (Yuki-kun… I still feel like he’s just trying to convince himself, or something.)

Sakuya: (But is that really okay?)

Sakuya: …

Sakuya: …I was really impressed by your rough sketches, Yuki-kun.

Yuki: Huh?

Sakuya: Whenever I wear one of your costumes, it really switches me into actor mode.

Sakuya: But by the time just one of the costumes is made, you’ve come up with so many ideas and then they all just get secretly put away, completely unused.

Sakuya: That’s why I think you put so much thought and care into each of your costumes.

Sakuya: And you did the same with the costumes this time.

Yuki: …Where’s this coming from?

Sakuya: …That’s why I wanna negotiate with the client to see if there’s a way for us to still do a performance in the way they’d like us to.

Yuki: What?

Yuki: What the hell are you even going on about? They said they wanted women to wear them.

Sakuya: But they knew that you’re a guy, right, Yuki-kun? And they still talked about having you wear the first costume you made.

Yuki: I mean… You’re not wrong.

Sakuya: So I’m sure they just don’t realize what MANKAI Company’s capable of yet!

Yuki: …

Sakuya: So let’s show them. Show them that you’re a MANKAI Company actor, Yuki-kun.

Yuki: …You really can’t help but meddle, can you?

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[hannahssimblr]

I tap a knuckle against the study door. 

“Dad?”

There’s silence. 

I knock again. “Dad? Are you busy?” 

He’s moving around in there, I can hear him. Closing browser tabs, maybe. Shuffling around and rearranging things, in a blind panic trying to look like he’s doing something important. I huff out a tiny laugh at the thought of him hurrying to close the minesweeper window before someone can come in and catch him doing something unserious. I don’t really know what he does in his pokey little study all evening, but one of Jen’s crazy theories is that he’s chatting online to his twenty two year old YouTuber girlfriend, to which I need to remind her, once again, that my dad is too boring to have an affair. Mom says he’s writing reports and even that sounds too exciting for him.

“Come in,” he says eventually, and I let myself into his lair where he is sitting stoically at his computer, a stack of paper, no doubt with exceedingly dull information on them is right by his side, and his hand hovers over it so I'll know he’s especially busy, and whatever it is, I had better make it quick. 

I close the door behind me and approach him while his eyes settle curiously on the stack of soft cover books in my hands. “What are those?”

“I spoke to the guidance counsellor at school this week. She gave me some college prospectuses, and I thought we could... um, look through them together”

He heaves out a sigh and gestures to the second chair. The guest chair, I suppose, not that there’s ever guests in here to sit on it. It’s uncomfortable like a lot of furniture in this house, all style but no substance, and I perch on its edge, my knee doing that annoying anxious jerking thing while dad takes off his glasses and swaps them with another pair. “Show me what you have.”

I pass the stack to him and he drops it onto his desk with a thud, picks up the first and immediately flips the front cover towards me with a completely uncalled for attitude. “What’s this?”

“A prospectus.”

“Rhode Island School of Design?”

“Yes.”

He tosses it aside without so much as a glance inside it and grabs the next, “School of the Art Institute, Chicago,” Then reads the blurb incredulously “‘Art and design change the world.’ Alright…” He raises his eyebrows and puffs out a breath as he chucks it into the discard pile. “CalArts, nope.”

My face gets hot. 

He snatches another and flips over to the back, “‘Studying here is different,’” He reads, “‘It is about making a better world, about becoming a creative force and learning to change the world through bold and curious thinking…’” He mumbles the rest and then scoffs at it as if it’s some political argument he disagrees with inside the Sunday Times, and he goes on and on in this manner while the rejection pile builds and builds and so does the feeling inside me. 

“What is this?” He says eventually. “These are all American schools. American art schools.”

“Yes.”

He scrutinises me like he believes I have gone mad yet says nothing because he doesn’t need to. I already know what he’s asking. 

The words come out of me in a rush. I rehearsed this in the hall for five minutes before having the nerve to knock, “Because I think I would get a chance at a really great education there. It’d be good for me to be away and independent and to learn a lot of new things, not just education and art, but also travel and culture. I’d really like to go to college somewhere that’s exciting and dynamic and… and…” Damn, I forgot the other adjective I’d chosen, “...Um, fun, I guess. It’s just that whenever I think about college I imagine myself in the US. I really think that’s where I should be.”

“That’s because that’s what you see in those movies.” He says movies like one might say hardcore pornography, because Christopher doesn’t waste his time with such things as movies. Christopher works, and studies, and reads endless, endless books about World War II. “You’re not going to college in the states.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a waste of time and it’s a waste of money. Do you know what it costs to attend just a year of college in the US? Before your living expenses?”

“I know, but I spoke to the counsellor about it, and she explained that there are scholarships.”

He laughs, “You’re not going to get a scholarship,” and switches back to his other glasses and shakes his mouse to wake up his PC, which has some kind of thrilling spreadsheet open on it. This 2009 financial report must be rapturously exciting if he’s more interested in it than the future of his only son and firstborn child. 

I inhale sharply, “But why couldn’t I get a scholarship?”

“Because,” He types some numbers into the sheet, “You’d have to have a pristine academic record, a long list of extracurriculars and a very persuasive personal statement,” he peers briefly at me over the rim of his specs, “I’ve been through the US education system, and I know the standard that these colleges expect of their scholarship students. You’re just not up to it.”

“I could be, if I worked hard. I’m already doing pretty well in all of my classes, like, I get Bs in most things-” I stop myself before unhelpfully adding, without even trying, “And I have extracurriculars, like, I play rugby and help out Jen with her maths work…”

“You have to understand that the kinds of people who earn these scholarships do a lot more than that.”

“Well I would do more things if I had more time to myself in the mornings, or in the evenings, or after school, or at any other point in my day when I have to ferry Ivy back and forth from-”

Dad barrels on as though he hasn’t registered that I am speaking, “And you know, as well as the extracurriculars, all of these scholarship students have exemplary records. They're well mannered, well behaved, they never get into trouble, never get detention, never mind suspension. Twice.”

I snap my mouth shut. 

“Honestly, if I was the dean of one of these,” he plucks at the limp corner of one of the prospectuses, “Art college places, and I saw an application from someone with your record, I would simply toss it out. There’s not a chance, and before you ask, I am not paying for art school when you could easily do that here. For free.”

“Okay, I understand that, but I don’t really want to go to college here if I can avoid it.”

He doesn’t ask me why. He already knows but doesn't want to acknowledge it, and it’s easier, as it always is, just not to discuss feelings. Any feelings, especially mine, which are the most irritating and irrational feelings of all. “Why art school?” He hums, idly poking around with something on screen. “Couldn’t you choose a more academic course?”

I’m surprised he thinks I’m capable based on all the things he just said about me.

“You could apply for something in Trinity. Math, maybe?”

“Maths.”

“Or if you want something more artistic you could try English. Literature. That would be interesting, don't you think?”

“Or I could just… do art.”

“I would just hate to see you become one of those arty types. One of that NCAD crowd loitering around Thomas Street with their facial piercings and crazy haircuts.”

Oh no, a haircut. I sigh, “I’m not going to NCAD. I was kind of hoping you’d be more enthusiastic about my choices, but if you don’t think they’re right, I mean… what can I do.” I loathe the laugh that comes out of me, this strange, nervous titter that I didn’t even realise I was capable of.

I get up and begin to gather the stack of prospectuses laying forlornly on my father’s desk, my hopes and dreams bound for the recycling bin. “I’ll speak to the guidance counsellor again about my options, I suppose, and then I’ll try and choose something that’s more realistic for me.”

Before I let myself out I force myself to pause and turn to him one last time, “Do you… um, if I come up with more choices for colleges, do you think you’d want to sit down with me some evening and go through them? Like, I mean, really look over all of the options and help me decide what the best thing is?”

There is a lengthy pause. 

“You know, Jude, I’m really busy, and-”

“Okay.” I leave the room and shut the door with a gentle click.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[robotstrategy]

Rewired • Part 2/2

TW: UNDERAGED DRINKING, VOMITING, RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA USE, AND SURVIVORS TRAUMA.

Previous Part

10 - Bad Trip

Hayden isn’t really sure when he wakes up, an hour, two hours maybe, all he knows is that when looks at Roland his eyes are completely bloodshot, and he’s got a really goofy expression on his face. 

“Hi yin-ass, are you enjoying my man-titties?”

The ridiculousness of whatever just came out of Roland's mouth makes Hayden sit up and burst out laughing.

“Oh? You think I’m funny?” Roland asks.

“Hah, well you put me there, so I think you’re even more of a yin-ass.”

“Well, you stayed there.”

“You wanted me there.”

“Man, I must really like weird boys like you.”

“Hey! I’m not weird.”

“Noooooooooo, I’m pretty you said your favourite food was Spam one time in the basement, so do you still like Spam, Spam-eater?”

“I do, but at least I eat it in style now.”

Roland laughs. “How can you eat Spam in style, that’s impossible.”

“Ever heard of Spam musubi?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s a slice of Spam on rice wrapped in seaweed.”

“That sounds, really fucking good. Anything sounds really fucking good right now.”

Hayden giggles. “Oh, whoops, I forgot to feed you earlier.” He feels Roland palm his face, putting pressure on his nose so that it goes up like a pig's snout. “Asshole,” Roland says.

Hayden moves Roland’s hand away from his face; he sets it down and moves all the way off Roland.

“Aww, don’t go.” Roland puts both his hands up and tries to grab for Hayden.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m just getting off you.”

“But now I feel so lightweight, so empty, so incomplete.”

Hayden reaches over to pat Roland’s cheek. “Oh boo hoo, you’ll survive.”

Roland folds his arms. “You know what? I could live with you.” 

Hayden raises his eyebrows and smiles. “Really?”

“Yeah, I could do research with you, do rich people stuff with you, talk shit on your radio show, and go to parties with you.”

“I don’t think we’ve got the best history with parties. There’s that time I had so many microphones in my face, and another time a lot of girls tried to hit on me…”

“And that date.” Roland giggles. 

Hayden laughs “Yeah, that was pretty stupid.” 

11 - Party

Hayden becomes more and more tipsy as he drinks, it’s alarming because he’s only had one drink. Roland feels bad whenever he gives Hayden the cold shoulder, but he can’t help it if all he can think about is his ex. It’s honestly driving Roland miserable and insane. He looks back over at Hayden, who’s starting to act like Roland’s mother, well, when she’s drunk, at least he's not berating him.

Honestly, anytime he looks at that drunk person he’s just reminded of his mother and stepfather. That’s why he’ll never drink, he doesn’t want to end up hurting someone like they hurt him. 

Hayden hums a tune, it’s very off-key. 

“What are you humming?” Roland asks.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star.” 

“Really? Sounds more like you’re trying to summon a demon.” 

“Whatever hot stuff.” 

Roland won’t lie, all this flirting and complimenting is getting to him, but then it’s being constantly shrouded by all the flirting and complimenting Trevor used to do. He can’t even totally like the fact that Hayden got him flowers without thinking about how Trevor also got him flowers. At least with Hayden Roland likes him, even if they don’t end up together, it won't be awkward, they’ll just stay friends. Unlike Trevor, whom Roland couldn’t even bear to be in the same room as him after the assault. 

Hayden gently grabs his hand, swaying it back and forth. “Are you having fun?” He asks.

“We haven’t really been having fun yet, but the food is good,” Roland replies. 

“We can go dance.” He suggests. 

Roland laughs in spite of himself. “I think you're too drunk to do that now.”

Hayden gets up. “I’m not that drruuuuunnk.” He slurs, he grabs Roland by the forearm and leads him to a bigger part of the mansion that’s currently being used as a ballroom. “You wanna dance with me now?” Hayden asks. Roland looks off to the side, there’s a corner of the room that doesn’t seem so bright and noisy. “Could we dance over there?” Roland asks, pointing to the corner. 

“In the dark pit?” 

“That’s a corner, Hayden.”

“Oh, ok.”

Roland drags Hayden over to the corner, to his surprise when they get there Hayden slumps down into a squat. Roland kneels on the floor beside him. “Are you okay?” 

“I just want to sit down.”

“But you were just sitting.” 

“Hmm,” Hayden huffs, and he looks over to Roland. “Do you love me?” He asks. 

Roland is taken aback, he didn’t expect Hayden to be so blunt about it, but the next thing Hayden does shocks him even more. Hayden presses his lips against Roland’s, giving him a kiss. “Now you try.” 

Roland touches his lips in shock, he looks over at Hayden, who looks completely love-struck.

12 - Bad Trip

Roland’s eyebrows turn downward. “Yeah, it was,” He sneered. 

Hayden looks at Roland, puzzled and scared. 

“I thought we were going to hang out and dance together, instead you got yourself piss drunk and I had to drive you home.” 

Hayden, understanding that Roland is high out of his mind, tries to let him down easily. 

“You said you’d take me home.” 

Big mistake, Roland becomes more erratic. “I DIDN’T TELL YOU YOU COULD GET DRUNK BITCH!” He yells. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MISERABLE I WAS, NO, YOU DON’T, BECAUSE YOU WERE BUSY GETTING DRUNK BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS!” 

Roland grabs for Hayden’s shirt, burying himself in it. 

“You reminded me of my parents, of my ex-boyfriend.” He cries. Hayden tries to pat Roland’s back, but he’s immediately met with a blood-curdling scream. “I thought I told you already, I’M SENSITIVE THERE!”

Roland gets off Hayden, stumbling over to the kitchen where he hides from his view between the counter and the island. 

Hayden gets up once he can’t hear Roland moving anymore, he goes over to the island and looks over it to see Roland. Roland wraps his arms around himself. “Go away, pervert!” He growls. 

“How am I a pervert?” Hayden asks. 

“Because,” Roland looks at himself, he then unwraps his arms and stretches out his legs. “Just go away!” 

Hayden goes back over to the couch and pretends to watch TV, in reality, he’s got a pretty good view of Roland from here even if Roland doesn’t notice. He wonders if Roland thinks the knobs on the drawers are eyeballs; it would explain the weird comment he got just now. 

13 - Party

“I, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk.” 

“But I want you to kiss me.” 

“Maybe another time.” ‘When I’m not thinking of my ex and you’re not completely and utterly drunk.”

Hayden frowns as he shakily gets up off the floor. “Then can we at least dance together?” He asks, annoyed. Roland quickly gets up to hold his hands, for the fear that Hayden might turn into something akin to his mother. 

As they sway Hayden looks lovingly at Roland, while he tries to avoid his gaze. Hayden tries to get closer, but Roland takes a step away. “Sorry,” Hayden whispers, at least he seems to be becoming more self-aware now.

Roland is embarrassed by Hayden, he thought tonight would awaken new feelings within him. Instead, he just sways half heartedly with his drunken date. “Mmm,” Hayden hums, he lays his chin into Roland’s neck. He starts to kiss it, and Roland can’t help but cry. He wants to enjoy Hayden’s affections, but with him being terribly drunk and Roland’s thoughts filled with Trevor, this experience is terrible. 

“I love you,” Hayden whispers into Roland’s ear.

“I know.” He cries back.

“Do you not love me back?” Hayden asks as he places another kiss on Roland’s neck, Roland doesn’t respond.

“Mmm, I don’t care anyway, I’ll love no matter what.” 

Now admittedly that sounded a little creepy, but Roland was happy he’d still have another chance with Hayden. Another time to actually love him back.

They sway for a little longer until Hayden’s face becomes noticeably red and Roland feels him sweating through his gloves. 

“Can we go to the bathroom?” Hayden quickly asks, Roland nods leading him to a bathroom nearby. Roland locks the door and braces himself for whatever he has to do to help Hayden. He turns around to see Hayden bent over the toilet bowl looking like he’s about to puke. Roland winces as he hears whatever Hayden ate coming back up and hitting the toilet water. He walks over to kneel beside him and starts brushing his hand on his back.

14 - Bad Trip

Hayden isn’t paying attention to what’s really on the TV, and he’s not really paying attention to Roland either. He’s busy dozing off until the appearance of Roland in front of him scares him awake.

“Do you like sharks?” Roland asks, Hayden looks him in the eyes, his scleras are light pink now, meaning he’s slowly coming off being high. Having a slight disagreement with him shouldn’t be such a hazard now.

“They're okay.”

Roland grunts, he looks at the TV, and Hayden looks up at it and realizes it’s playing a sea life documentary, right now it’s specifically talking about sharks.

“I like sharks,” Roland says, he goes over to the couch and climbs onto Hayden, he’s still looking at the TV. “I love sharks, I love…”

“Sharks?” Hayden tries to finish the sentence for him.

Roland lays down on Hayden’s chest, he stays silent for a moment or two. “Yeah.”

“Why did you come over here?” Hayden asks.

“The drawers were staring at me.” He responds, Hayden nods, having his suspicions affirmed.

Hayden starts combing through Roland’s hair as he watches the documentary, getting a little disappointed once they're done talking about sharks. 

“Are there any other sea creatures you like?”

“Nope, just sharks.”

“Hmm, I like seahorses, I think they look silly.”

“Don’t the guys get pregnant in that species?”

“I think so.” 

Roland shifts his head to look at Hayden. “I’m sorry I got mad at you.”

“It’s okay, you were pretty high.”

Roland frowns at him. “That’s not an excuse Hayden! That’s never an excuse!”

Hayden gets him to calm back down. “Alright, okay.” He tries to change the subject. “Earlier you said something about me reminding you of your ex.”

“Yeah… that’s kinda what was happening at the party. A girl told me that there’s a denial phase after an assault. I thought I had already gotten out of it before Lilian’s party, but I guess I didn’t.”

“Oh, Roland, we didn’t have to go to that party if you didn’t feel like it.”

“But I didn’t want to ruin it for you, and deep down I wanted to go too.”

“Still-”

Roland cuts him off. “Listen, I wanted to go to that party! I wanted to be in that mansion! And I wanted to be your date!” He sniffs. “Stuff like that happens every other day to you, I’m not going to give up on a chance to party at a mansion because my ex is making me moody.”

Hayden continues to comb Roland’s hair. “I wanted to be your date too, I wouldn’t have chosen anyone else if you weren’t feeling like it that night,” He looks him in the eyes. “And I’m sorry for getting drunk in front of you.”

Rolan looks away from him. “Is it bad that I’m about to sound like a hypocrite?”

Hayden laughs.

“I’m being serious,” He continues. “You only had one glass and your body just decided to screw you over.”

“Well, that’s why both of us have agreed that I should wait until I’m 21.”

Hayden sees Roland doze off and snap awake a few times. “Do you want to have a nap now?”

  “No, I want food.” He mumbles.

Hayden chuckles. “Alright,” He shifts Roland off of him so that he can reach his phone. “Does pizza sound good?”

“Anything sounds good.”

15 - Party

“I’m sorry,” Hayden heaved. “I didn’t mean to get this drunk.” He then hurls up more food. Roland combs back Hayden’s bangs as he keeps throwing up. At this point, it’s just water and spit coming out of Hayden’s mouth.

Hayden finally gets a few breaths in before weakly reaching up to the top of the toilet’s tank to hit the flush button. He then looks over all teary-eyed at Roland. “Are you mad at me?” He asks. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” 

“You, you said if I puked you’d be pissed.”

“Well, that was more for if you got sick in my truck,” Roland takes a tissue from the bathroom counter and wipes off Hayden’s mouth. “You didn’t sneak another few glasses past me did you?”

Hayden shakes his head, he then gets dizzy and grips back onto the toilet seat. 

“Careful!” Roland shouts. “I think your body just didn’t take it well.” He puts his hand under Hayden’s chin to get him to face him. “Next time let’s wait until you’re 21 to have alcohol.” 

Hayden softly nods, he gently pulls Roland’s hand from his chin and places it on his cheek. Roland sits there with him as Hayden closes his eyes, staying silent, almost as if he’s savouring the moment. He then opens his eyes and looks into Roland’s.

“I want to go home.” He whispers. 

“Ok.” Roland gets him off the ground and leads him out of the house. As they go through the main area Hayden winces and covers his ears from all the noise. Getting in the truck Hayden avoids making eye contact with Roland, something tells him that both he and Hayden are going to pretend this date never happened.

16 - Bad Trip

“This is the best pizza I’ve ever had. Is it authentic or something?” Roland asks as he shoves another slice down his throat.

“This is Dominos, you’re just still a little high.”

“Ah jeez, I’m gonna have horrible heartburn later.”

Hayden laughs. “I’ve got stuff for that if you need it,” He comes up to Roland. “What do you think about staying the night? We could watch a movie together in bed.” 

Roland blushes. “That sounds nice, but I don’t have anything to wear to bed.”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing you in the morning with nothing but underwear on.”

Roland scoffs. “Of course, you wouldn’t, fine, I’ll stay.”

“Great! Do you wanna watch a certain movie?”

“Yeah, a Hallmark movie.”

Hayden is taken aback. “Like, the Christmas ones.”

“Yeah, I hear they’re stupid funny.”

“Hah, yeah, they sure are cheesy.”

17 - Party

Roland settles Hayden onto his bed once getting him into his apartment, he grabs a glass out of Hayden’s cupboards and fills it with water. He sits with Hayden on the bed and makes him drink down the glass. Hayden clings onto him after finishing the glass of water, he holds him from the back, and Roland can feel Hayden’s forehead on his neck. “You should stay for the night,” Hayden mumbles.

“There’s not much of a place for me to stay,” Roland tells him. 

Hayden groans getting off the bed. “So you’re leaving then?” 

Roland nods.

“Then at least take the flowers I got for you home.” Hayden stumbles into another room before coming out with a little bouquet of blue flowers. Roland thinks they’re pretty until Hayden gets closer, only then does he realize what kind of flower that bouquet is made out of.

Hayden smiles. “They’re forget-me-nots because I never want you to forget about me.” 

Tears start welling in Roland’s eyes as he inches away from Hayden. 

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Trevor’s voice echoes in Roland’s mind.

“Do you not like them?” Hayden asks with worry in his voice.

“Get, get them away from me!” Roland yells.

“But there for you.” 

“I don’t want them!” Roland cries.

Hayden puts the flowers aside and sits back down with Roland. “I love you.” He tells him again. 

Roland looks away from him, he can’t take it anymore, and he starts getting up and walking to the door. 

“Roland come back!” Hayden calls out to him. 

Roland doesn’t even turn around to look at him one last time, he just opens the door, hearing Hayden call out to him for the last time before he closes the door behind him.

“I love you, Roland!”

18 - Roland

The movie ends in the predictable way all the movies do, they say ‘Merry Christmas’, they kiss, and the movie ends. 

“Wow, it ended just like we predicted,” Roland says sarcastically while nudging Hayden, no response. Roland looks over to see Hayden sleeping on his shoulder, Roland watches as Hayden’s unconscious body slowly goes forward, falling into Roland’s lap. Roland huffs, there’s no chance to sneak away into the guest bedroom anymore, he’s trapped.  

So he shifts himself downward into the covers. Looking at Hayden’s sleeping face he thinks up the idea of waking himself up early and leaving before Hayden wakes up. He pulls Hayden close and kisses him on the forehead.

“I love you too.”

[tenrousei-kuroi]

I did read Angel Sanctuary! I never finished it, though. I remember that what got me to start was the author’s art style. Her characters are so pretty!

I’m not familiar with A Cruel God Reigns, but by your description, it’s right up my alley (also, with a brief search, I see it has a very traditional style from the 90s/00s mangas that I find very nostalgic). I’ll definitely take a look into it.

As for the Black brothers, I think I discovered the ship around 2017-18, so there was a fairly good amount of work by then, but Blackcest has definitely grown a lot in the past couple of years. I’ve not read many James/Regulus works, mostly because many have a 'cleansed', fanon version of both – which also applies to the Marauders as a whole – and I have very picky views of Regulus’ characterization (my boy canonically had his own fan board of Voldemort 😭 and as far as we know, he never fully – or at all – quit his bigotry, yet in many works, his Slytherin friends and himself diverge completely from this).

But I do think Sirius/Regulus will remain somewhat popular for a long time. The Black family seems to have an appeal within the fandom that I don’t see as much with other families, such as the Lestranges, for example. Also, the idea of two good-looking, rich boys in a complicated family is intriguing (or at least I hope so; if not, you’ll see me signing up to your mailing list). On that note, I'm still hoping for the day Rodolphus/Rabastan gets popular lol

Anyway, thank you for the link, and I'm looking forward fest postings (ngl, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to recognize your writing style in anon fests. Sometimes I read a title and I think "this looks like a title ten would use". Is it a little stalker-ish of me? Maybe 😅).

Yeah Moto Hagio’s a bit more old school, she was most prolific in the seventies and eighties, and her art shows it. I could be misremembering but I believe her work “Sunroom” is typically credited as the first boy/boy manga kiss. And she’s one of the pioneers of the modern boy’s love genre. Real “culture award winning” sort of author.

Jegulus fics are hilarious to me and there’s a reason I call my stuff James/Regulus when I tag it, because that portmanteau has become its own thing. Whenever I read a Jegulus fic in my brain I’m thinking, “you know you can just write Timotheé Chalamet RPF, right? He’s not gonna’ come for you” 😂 And honestly that fanon “style” is bleeding over hard into the Sirius/Regulus section.

No shade, I’m glad people are having fun. Makes it harder for me to find the kinds of fics I like but I’ll survive lol. There’s just a larger selection now. And popular as it all is, I do truly feel people will move on. Because it’s less an attachment to the characters and more to these seriously altered fantasy versions of them, which can be easily grafted onto the next popular thing.

If you had told fifteen year-old me my weird incest and incest-adjacent pairings where two of the three characters aren’t even alive in canon would one day be as common as they are now I’d’ve thought you were high 😂 yet here we are.

I’ve dabbled a bit in Rodolphus/Rabastan but they always end up coming out so similar to my Sirius and Regulus that I don’t like it. I’ve kind of tabled the pairing until I can force myself to be a bit more creative with them. People already put up with all my Sirius/Regulus nonsense being basically the same, I don’t need to be grafting their dynamic onto other pairings 🤣🤣

When I pick prompts for fests I always try to ignore the promoter names until after I’ve chosen, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, roughly 80% end up being yours anyway. Talk about wavelengths.

And let’s blame 2009 LiveJournal for my pretentious and easily-spotted titles, shall we? Specifically a Sirius/Regulus fic from forever ago called “A Thousand Years Good Wine” which basically flipped something in my brain and I haven’t been able to title anything like a normal human since.

That was a stellar fic, by the way. And if anyone ever ever ever finds it back for me I’ll…I don’t know…write them a 100k commission of their choice or engrave their name on my tombstone or something because that fic is LOST beyond belief and it causes me literal pain sometimes lol.

I’m feeling rather inspired today so I might spend my Saturday night plinking away at one of my fics. Odds are it probably won’t be the one that’s due in three weeks but we can always hope TT.TT

[pahrak-the-sinnoh-slizer]

[Games in 2023: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective]

I was pleasantly surprised when the Switch port of Ghost Trick was announced: under-appreciated DS games are kinda my thing, this game’s stylized look conveyed a real sense of personality, and I’ve only ever heard good things from people who have played it.  “Why have I never played this before??” I asked myself, wracking my brain for the answer.  Then I played the demo and remembered “Oh yeah, I suck at puzzle games.”  But despite that, I still really wanted to see where things went, and boy am I glad I did!

Spoiler-free tl;dr: Ghost Trick is a wonderfully engrossing story about whacky characters uncovering insane plot twists that all build towards a satisfying and heartfelt conclusion.  I would recommend going in as blind as possible, but even without shock, the game is easily clever and fun enough to be a fantastic experience.

(Also content warning for animal death; the game is all about undoing deaths so it’s not permanent, but it can still be distressing to see it happen.)

The premise of Ghost Trick is simple yet creative: you play as a newly-dead ghost who has completely lost his memory, and must use your ability to possess and manipulate objects to solve this mystery and save the lives of the many characters you meet along the way.  The full narrative is anything but simple by the end, but I felt it was a steady, easy-to-follow escalation—though I have been told I have a high tolerance for plots involving time travel, so a grain of salt might be in order.  In my opinion it’s not especially hard to keep track of the game’s time shenanigans since you only ever go back 4 minutes before a person’s death to influence the situation in a way to avert their fate…until the very end, where you do learn a lot in a short time, and I could see a player struggling with that.

The style of the game really is impeccable.  Characters have very unique designs with bright colors and expressive actions, making it hard to mix anyone up despite how many people you meet over the course of the game.  Everybody makes a strong impression, and it’s easy to care about them and want to save their lives and find out how they tie back to the overall plot.  The connections between various characters are a bit tighter than you might expect going in, and it’s so much fun to steadily piece things together, each answer leading to only more questions.  There’s a point about halfway from which plot twists start to come one after the other, but instead of piling up, they come together, all building towards the same goal in a masterful manner.  It’s a very hard game to put down.

So, those puzzles!  I have to admit I was hesitant after struggling for the better part of an hour on one in chapter 2, but in the end I was able to solve all of them without looking up any answers!  It came real close a few times, and there was definitely an occasion or two where I stumbled into the right answer without realizing it, but hey, it counts.  The hints provided do a good job of leading you to the solution without just stating it, and can easily be ignored by players who don’t want their process interfered with.  I feel like I started to do a lot better once I started expecting I wouldn’t get everything right first try—don’t be afraid to do some trial and error.  The mechanics are sound: an item will clearly tell you how you can manipulate it if you can, and what items can be possessed are all easily identifiable whenever you enter the ghost world.  The trick (heh) most often is in getting the timing right, as you have a very limited range to “jump” between objects and can miss your chance completely if you don’t act fast while objects are in motion.  You’re explicitly taught this very early on, of course—the tutorial is very nicely structured, giving you all the information you need while a puzzle is unfolding around you with all the moving parts and tension you can expect all throughout the game.  The prison escape sequence stands out as a one-off with unique mechanics; it can be frustrating, as escort missions tend to be, but if you take it one step at a time it’s not too bad.  The only major addition to the basic structure is towards the end of the game where you gain a second ghost who can reach much farther, but in lieu of manipulating objects, he instead swaps the position of objects with the same shape.  It may only affect a handful of puzzles, but I think there’s a benefit to giving the player time to fully master the core mechanics before adding this new layer to things, and the possibilities it opens are well-utilized when they do come into play.  What tripped me up most often was needing to move each ghost to different objects out of each other’s way, since they can’t inhabit the same object; a minor annoyance, and quite possibly a skill issue on my part.

That’s essentially all there is to say on a mechanical level, so let’s talk more about the narrative.  The tone is largely playful but not afraid to be serious when it needs to be—you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be aghast in horror, etc.  Again, the plot is continually escalating and building more and more tension, quickly becoming too fascinating to put down, and the fact that it manages to stick the landing is no small feat.  It seems to me the moral of the story is selflessness: every character is shown to be in the wrong when only serving their own interest, yet when they do something with others in mind, the narrative consistently rewards them.  Sissel says his only real goal is finding his own memory, but what makes him the hero of this story is his willingness to use his abilities to solve others’ problems.  Cabanela is painted in a villainous light when it seems he cares only about his career ambitions, but when we find out this was a means to the end of helping Jowd, he’s presented as unequivocally a good guy.  Jowd may say he’s so eager to take the fall for Kamila’s sake, but when Sissel calls his methods out as ultimately selfish, he changes course and takes on an active role in resolving the night’s many mysteries.  Yomiel obviously embodies the selfishness the story is speaking against, but in the end, he makes the choice to do something selfless, and the narrative rewards him with a second chance. (More than that, the game wouldn’t have happened at all had he not brought Sissel with him to the junkyard; while perhaps not entirely selfless, I think it’s important to note that Yomiel’s path to a better future began with his desire to not leave his only friend all alone.)  It’s really cool to see this theme reflected in so many different ways across the cast!  And of course, the one who embodies the virtue of selflessness above all else is the top Pomeranian himself, Missile!  The very first time we meet him, he basically ignores the fact that he’s dead and instead prioritizes saving Kamila.  After he develops his powers, he makes the decision to remain dead so that he can use those powers to help Kamila and Lynne.  And at the very end we learn that he went back in time 10 years, and while waiting faithfully that entire time, he devised a brilliant and complex strategy to ensure Sissel’s cooperation in saving his family once and for all.  “Because that’s what doggies do!”  This whole wild ride that ends up saving so many lives was all possible purely due to the awesome, selfless love of a dog.  That’s beautiful.

It’s hard to think of any major criticism.  Ghost Trick is just really, really good.  It may be a few years overdue, but I’m really glad I finally got to experience this game!

[fleouriarts]

who are your biggest artistic influences my furry friend? we had art classes together for years but i still feel like i don’t know 😭

😭😭😭 honestly thats probably cus a lot of my artistic influences are specifically internet artists that ive been following for several years and not things i couldve brought up in art class. you know that lame ass mr smith wouldve hated me if i said 'yeah i draw like this cus of some bts fanart girlie on twitter'. thankfully i have the Archivist's Temperament and save like literally everything thats had an effect on my style... so below is a journey thru my artistic influences (and various insp folders on my computer) as far as i can remember

of course the most basal Dorian Influence is disney movies. you are my brother in arms in the lion king fandom so you know this. whenever i am feeling extremely artistically bankrupt i try to revitalize myself by rewatching the lion king, atlantis, and treasure planet. and also the prince of egypt but thats dreamworks LOL

in 2016 i found the first "online" artists i distinctly remember wanting to imitate, which were sara kipin and celia lowenthal because i was obsessed with how they used color to block out their illustrations. ive also been following dimetrodone(/dimetrodrawn/deinocheirus) on here since 2016 and love all the shapes and colors in her work

in 2017 i started doing more detailed shading because i saw bts fanart by the artist tyu_naxx on twitter and loved how they did it (below is like THE piece that made me change my whole shit up)

around then is also when i started trending towards using limited palettes and that was mostly inspired by various national parks promo artworks that would only have like 5 colors in them. wish i remembered who made these but heres ancient scans of some postcards i got at sequoia national park that changed me

in early 2019 i started wanting my style to be more cartoony so i would constantly peruse the backlogs of kiwi, officialspec, skunkes and mimiadraws to get whatever inspiration i could from them

in late 2019 i completely pivoted for some reason and started doing lineless rendered semirealistic stuff instead. i think that was mostly cus i hated doing lineart. one of my biggest inspirations in that era was atissi

in 2020 i remember i went crazy stupid on using glow effects and chromatic aberration on stuff and i genuinely think all of it can be traced to this ONE piece of bts fanart by lordizxy on twitter like i was fully obsessed (putting it below also in case it gets deleted somehow)

mid 2021 was when i got tired of semirealism and thought it was too amorphous and restricting so i went back to cartoony shit. i was still looking at the artists i listed for early 2019 but i also added artists like iplidl, catmunches, and chunkysoup22 to the mix

2022 was an inspirationless nightmare i have no clue what i was doing for that entire year. the artblock was BAD. i mostly just looked at art from all the artists i mentioned before while artistically wandering in circles. a lot of this was me trying and failing to figure out whether i wanted to do more dynamic yet less rendered art or... the opposite of that

thankfully in 2023 i finally FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT. i would say the current dorian art era started with this silly drawing of graydon and riley hivemind as a dogboy and a catboy ⬇️

you can kinda see the influences of all the cartoonists i listed above but a lot of the way i draw now is just. me trying to not make myself hate doing art. ive always hated redoing a line 30000000 times for clean lineart so now its sketchy. rendering my art was making my drawings feel super stiff so now thats all messy too. etc etc

i think Right Now the artists i go to for inspiration the most are still kiwi and skunkes, but i also found the artist robottoast recently who makes RIDICULOUSLY good furry art, its so full of life and personality and i definitely need to commission them someday. the most recent singular piece thats changed my whole shit up is this scott pilgrim fanart by benadieshekiel (also below) because i really liked how the clothes were fully rendered while the skin and hair are less detailed with clear lineart. so sometimes i do that too

ok i think that is as full of a chronicle of Dorian Influences that i can give you rn. i was not lying when i said i wanted to yap. hope you enjoy <3

[catfuyus]

What if I asked to hear more Abt your racer mikey self ship 🥺🫰

noooo ! if you ask about my mikey selfship I’ll never be able to shut up about it ! 😂😂 but okay fine only because u asked 😏💕😂

꒰ MOTORCYCLIST MIKEY ꒱

The fun part about Mikey’s job is that it doesn’t actually keep him super busy ! He practices on the track a few times a week and is expected to keep himself physically fit for the other half. That means when he’s not hanging around the boys at work, he’s usually being a menace and bothering me at our shared apartment 😂 he gets weekends off and is usually home before I am. This completely changes during racing season tho !

& he technically has his own place ! a much nicer apartment in downtown roppongi that he still rents despite spending all his time in my crappy studio. I think he keeps it just in case anyone else needs it, emma & draken will borrow it from time to time, and it’s nice to have a place to crash when we go out drinking

despite him having his own place, he refers to my apartment as his, and the other one he refers to as the “spare” >_> sometimes when I joke about him paying for half since it’s our apartment he agrees too quickly and I’m like wait !! I was joking !! 😂

꒰ FAMILY & FRIENDS ꒱

we spend most of our weekends with emma & draken and babysit whenever they ask ! which isn’t too often & we’ve gotten pretty good at it x3 we don’t see takemichi as often as we see Kenchin, but when we do mikey loses it 😂 he is so clingy !! literally like a puppy jumping all over him and dragging him around ! sometimes they go off and do their own thing and that leaves me with hina to complain about him 😂

there have been a few several occasions where mikey’s asked if takemichi can move in 😂 and I’m like “when did you move in ??” but he asks again and I have to remind him that takemichi is married and we have to share custody with hina ! 😂

꒰ APPEARANCE ꒱

he definitely gets way more tattoos as a professional after dating me than he did before ! I’m tryna get all tatted so whenever I go in for one he ends up getting one too x3 we don’t have any matching ones yet but he somehow managed to jump ahead of me and got a full sleeve finished. he also has a neck tat, knuckle tats, and song lyrics script in my handwriting under his collar bones.

still no jewelry ! though his ears are pierced. he has a silver ring he sometimes wears on his right middle finger (with my name engraved on the inside) but he only wears it on non-racing days (‘cause the metal hurts his hand the harder he grips the handles when he’s serious !) when he can’t wear it it hangs from a chain around his neck x3

he doesn’t dress any better as an adult ! loves baggy, comfortable clothing and even steals my oversized shirts sometimes ! he’s always in sweatpants at home and if we go out he’ll prob still be in something he wore to the gym earlier.

we both dye our hair black & it’s always messy ! he lets me play with it whenever and sometimes he lets it go blonde when I tell him I miss it that way 🥺 dying our hair together is a bit of a bonding experience though and he always just ends up dying it again anyway 😂

꒰ DATING STYLE ꒱

mikey is generally pretty laid back and nonchalant, I think being in a relationship really stabilizes him in a way he didn’t expect. like yea he’s clingy sometimes and sometimes won’t get out of bed, but it’s a very relaxed relationship that feels very secure & safe 🥺 we hold hands when we go out, or sometimes he’ll have an arm around my waist. steals food off my plate and leans his chin on my shoulder when he gets tired. everything is very natural & supportive & I think it gives him a sense of belonging that he doesn’t usually feel outside of his friend and family group. like he used to wonder who he’d be without them, and now he’s like more secure in who he is as an individual. like he’s capable of building his own life without the worry that he might be too destructive

And yea !! I’ve been talking about this for WAYYYY too long !! 😂😂 thank you for letting me ramble on endlessly ! I just have so many thoughts about my baby in this little selfship 🥺💕 I have EVEN MORE thoughts about him but I think I’ve been rambling for long enough 😂😂

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT U & HANMA THO !! Tell me about your selfship too !! 😂

[thebookofshay]

You’ll hate me later

But in the meantime

Your body and soul are too weak for hatred

But they’re just strong enough to

Take a selfie

Buy the tempur pedic mattress

Foot the bill

Nothing was the same but

Your hoops are a slay with your bald head

I’m not even saying that to be nice

I tell you the truth unless I think it would make things worse when they don’t have to be

Disease makes people ugly sometimes but I guess you didn’t get the memo

Asking yourself permission to be bare

To be scarred

To be burdened

To be scared

Can I be a princess with no hair?

Can I be the same with nothing as I was with everything?

Can anyone understand me please?

Right now I’m not sure

So in the meantime

We have to catch the Uber bitch we are going out tonight

One day we will love other people

So in the meantime

Let’s go for a walk

We need a different view than hospital beds in the living room

A different sound than heart monitor beeping

Do you think your dad will be reincarnated as a snapping turtle?

Not a life in a pond but like

A life that is simple?

A life without hobbling and wheezing

A life with working with what you got

Rather than what is taken from you?

I’ll never be able to skip a stone in my life but

I can walk across this log over the stream that you can’t

Are you jealous?

That we have exactly what the other doesn’t have?

That we fill in each others blanks?

Just not completely

Not enough

So in the meantime

Let’s go see what the neighbors cat is up to

We’re not going to want to speak to each other later

So in the meantime

Why is the sky blue?

Why do cats purr?

Can Barney live with us forever?

Why did Bosch use such contemporary styles for a pre-renaissance artist?

Why do you get grouchy when family is coming over?

Why do you yell so much?

I hope you know I love you

Even when I’m scared of you

Even when I’m disgusted by you

Why do we love each other?

If you hate pink and it’s my favorite color

Are you sure we’re related?

Did I really come from you?

I know you think you know the way

But that road has been under construction for years now

Please can I show you a better way?

Will you let me show you another way?

But you’re busy with something more important

So in the meantime

I’m going to cut this umbilical cord

One day we will be besties

In the meantime

Can you get your fucking shit out of the bathroom?

Oh my god you ruined my new top

I literally just fucking bought that I didn’t get to even wear it yet

I hate you

Maybe I don’t hate you

Maybe I hate the holes in the walls

Chunks of hair ripped out

Broken stuff

Trying to prove myself

Do you wanna smoke weed in the tent in the backyard?

We can squawk like seagulls

Maybe that will break the seal

The seal containing sisterhood

The seal milk?

The first example of

“You’re a dork but I love you

I couldn’t live without you

I don’t care how annoying you are

How much trouble you get me in

How much we hate each other

I love you even if we hate each other

I love you even if no one else does

Even if there is nothing worth loving I love you”

Why are you such a fucking bitch

Why are you so nasty to me

Why don’t you care about how I feel at all

In a steam room in Hawaii you reveal to me

What is hidden under bracelets

How much I don’t care

How I’m so nasty

How I’m such a fucking bitch

You’ve left me with a lot to think about

So in the meantime

Let’s just be sisters and not besties

I don’t know what we will be so

In the meantime

I’ll meet you at this hotel room

And whisper in your ear

And we’ll talk about Moonrise Kingdom

Oh that was your comfort movie when you were far from home?

That was my comfort movie when I didn’t know what was next

Hey can you answer my text

You’re acting weird for someone who knows he doesn’t love me

It’s not you it’s just that

I hate long distance

I hate that distance means I can’t touch you whenever I want

I can’t feel you whenever I want

It’s hard to spend days alone now that I know you exist

And I loved being alone

I loved to be alone before I knew I could have you

So in the meantime

Can we be specks of dust in a sunbeam?

I’m not going to see you again after this

Even if I want to so

In the meantime

It’s grandparents day

Can I stay here for all of class?

For the whole day?

Until you leave forever?

Sometimes I have dreams where I leave you voicemails on your house phone

And I am saying

“Fuck I wish I didn’t go back to class that day

I wish that I stayed

Fuck I wish that your sister didn’t die

I wish that you didn’t die

I guess I would want to die without my sister too but

Hey I really needed you here

I think a lot of people needed you here and

I wish you had stayed

I wish you had stayed”

And when I wake up I’m holding my hand to my face like a real phone and

I wish you had stayed

And in the meantime

I wish you had stayed

[wildgeese-badideas]

Is it cool if I ask why you’re completely deleting instead of orphaning? I feel like that’s a good way to feel less connected to something you feel is cringe, while keeping it available to people who liked it and may not know to find you on tumblr to preserve it.

I for one really like Homemade Mess. I think you capture Craig being bad at emotions and the kind of small scale things they’d probably disagree about. It’s cute. It’s fluff adjacent. It makes me feel good.

The thing is…this is South Park. Being in this fandom is cringe (hence why I’m anon lol). Maybe my standards are just low (but tbh I don’t think they’re *that* low) but if every good author in this fandom (like yourself) fully deleted a few things they didn’t personally feel were their strongest, we’d have almost nothing left. The sheer amount of scrolling I do before finding something readable let alone good enough to bookmark lol

Anyways thanks for bringing so much great writing into the world. And sorry is this comes across like overstepping (I truly don’t mean it to). And thanks for all the fics

Oh my gosh so so sorry for the late response! I was dying over a fic and rushed to messaging without noticing the ask notif. Anyway, totally fair question! I get where you’re coming from, but if my stuff is deleted (they’re actually in a private collection so they don’t show up on my homepage but I can still see them if I want to), I feel like I can still revisit it at a later date? Like I can always decide to rewrite it or use phrases/paragraphs/descriptions I liked in those fics for new ones. Versus if I orphan them, I lose all claim to my work and I can’t rewrite/copy without it looking like plagiarism.

I definitely don’t wish to cause annoyance or frustration, though, since I’ve also been devastated by deleted fics as a reader. But one of my favorite authors gave a heads up before deleting so we could save stuff and I always appreciated that, so I thought this was a good compromise? Like I’m totally fine with sending people copies so they can reread whenever if it’s a comfort fic. It’s just that some fics have me caught in this weird in-between of being icked out but I don’t necessarily want to cut off ties just yet in case there’s a way I can make them suit my current style more within the same premise.

If you like Homemade Mess in particular I can definitely take a look at rewriting/editing that to reupload soon instead of deleting. I’m open to redoing anything, it’s just that the “under construction” fics are the ones I was actively already working on redoing.

I hope this makes sense, and I’m really sorry for any discomfort that has brought you! Thanks for even caring about my fics, it means a lot and I don’t wish to demean that support or anything. You’re totally in your right to ask this, and I’ll think about editing Homemade Mess and Buttons, since those are the only two ‘permanent deletion’ fics that I wasn’t going to just combine with an upcoming fic.

Lots of love 💕 sorry for the inconveniences 💔

[songmingisthighs]

Hello songmingisthighs ❤️

I’ve read your Seonghwa dragon story and I fell in love with your writing and so I had to give you a follow! I just read through what’s been happening to you and I feel upset and frustrated as much as you. As a writer myself, I’ve been plagiarized multiple times AND the person who plagiarized my writing had their people coming to defend that person. I’ve never had my blood boiled so much, so I completely understand where you’re coming from.

For supdallyboy To say that it wasn’t their “intentions” to copy you, but had the time to read and set up their sentences in such a similar style as yours AND! The time to go back and “change” it a little. (Sis had a lot of time to reflect and stop it, but did they? Nope!) Like honey, you knew what you were doing. Then! They even have the confidence enough to post it and label it as their own work.

Also! I just wanted to say that people who do plagiarize, they don’t pay for their consequences whatsoever! They always shut down their accounts, deactivate it and make a new account and move on. They don’t go through anything that’ll make them pay for their actions. They pay nothing! While us, the writers, had to be the ones to confront them as they tell us a bullshitting story to make up for their actions that they can’t own up to. WE have to be the ones who has to bring this issue to light because no one would stand up for us. It’s like, why do we have to be the ones to be punished when it was them who plagiarized us?

To those who keeps telling you to stop talking about this situation. Fuck them. Because of people like them, that’s why people who plagiarizes our work be having the audacity to keep doing it. Us, writers, have to just simply “let it go.” Like the amount of time, effort and work you’ve put into these writings doesn’t grow off trees.

Anyways, I just wanna tell you, that it’s okay to feel the way you are right now. Oop…I didn’t know I’d write this long, sorry hehe. You have a great day! I love your writings by the way so don’t let this stop you!❤️

thank you so much for saying all this, i truly do feel justified for feeling what i felt and reacting the way i did. it's not that i hold a grudge or anything but this truly affected me. this past month, whenever i tried writing, i just simply don't find the joy and i even feel nauseous. I trully do feel the ick when i tried writing because of what dally did and even to this day dally and her adopted sibling has yet to come to me to genuinely apologize without trying to justify dally. moreover i felt stupid for not being as mad as my other friends did at dally. this was a HORRIBLE thing, one of the worst things that could happen as a writer here, but i didn't even reach the level of mad that i should have. other people were able to assess the situation better and all i thought was "why didn't i notice this?"

I don't want to stop writing honestly and i'm trying so hard to come back step by step so these kinds of encouragement means a lot to me, thank you ❣️❣️❣️