#when you're almost 30?
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People here on Tumblr are so scared to acknowledge that people do in fact get pregnant in their 20's and that it isn't inherently always a bad thing
#zelink#and like it can be late 20's you know#when you're almost 30?#stop acting like grown ass adults having kids is somehow exactly like teen pregnancy#genuinely why are you infantalizing whole ass adults#''people should only have children when they are middle aged'' is a nice idea but kind of idealistic and not necessarily realistic#some people are also just ready to have kids at a younger age than you or I would be yk 🤷♀️#please grow up when it comes to this topic#also hot take but if someone wants to depict zelink having kids in their 20's good for them idc
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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these two songs have had me like
#when you look like your dad + when you're reaching your 30s childless and spouseless and everyone in the family is getting older#i'm serious these songs have almost made me cry
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Hey everything is getting so crazy and infuriating so I'm making a lot of posts about gentile antisemitism and I just wanted to say that to my like 5 or 6 gentile followers who actually reblog this stuff despite the inevitable backlash and ostracization that comes with being associated with Jews nowadays, I see it and I really really really REALLY appreciate it. Beyond what I can really articulate.
#Sorry this is dramatic but I'm emotional#Seeing literal honest to god porgroms getting justified in the mainstream narrative or just politely ignored#I think it's becoming clearer and clearer why there were so few righteous among nations during the Holocaust#And it's becoming clear who's actually willing to stick to their principles and stick their necks out about it when it means actually#Going against the social approval of one's peers#Sometimes I wonder why I still have so many followers after I shifted from a Fandom blog to 100% only talking about antisemitism#Bc I would have expected to lose most of my followers. Esp because it's not like anything I post or reblog gets almost any interaction#From my gentile followers. It's just jews and those 5 or 6 gentiles.#Yet I haven't lost thousands of followers. I've actually gained. And anything I reblog that's NOT about antisemitism gets like 30 notes imm#From random people who haven't interacted with anything else in a year. And I'm like.?? Why are you guys still here?#Don't you see that all I post about anymore is antisemitism? If you're not gonna care why not unfollow or block me?#I try to think maybe it's because some people want to hear about this and actually do see what's happening and the crazy antisemitism that'#Become normal. But they're scared of getting ostracized so they don't reblog but also dont unfollow. They never interact they just lurk#Maybe? I can hope. But either way. Those people if they exist when it comes down to it aren't willing to actually stick their necks out#So for the handful of gentiles that are. Yeah I definitely notice. Thank you.
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me vs eternal grudges abt d20 captions
#aspen tag#maybe i just need to start watching the backlog without them on tbh#bc every time i run into a godawful error. of which there is no shortage of. i get so frustrated i literally have to stop watching#and like. idk. the new form system is. i know there's probably practical benefits#but from where i am sitting it's just like. additional barriers. more steps. more energy#i watched the new dirty laundry earlier today. with the lightning flashing effect at the beginning#and i checked the desc to see if there was any sort of warnings on the vid and there was nothing#and i thought about pulling up the feedback form to say smth and i just felt tired#and like. idk if any of u were ever active in the discord's caption corrections channel before it shut down#i joined the dropout server for it. i was in there exclusively for it. bc they got on my nerves so bad and i couldn't just do nothing#you could look up a particular line and find reports of it going back months and months#and i get that it was probably not easily indexable. but w/ the way older d20 episodes are#it was a fucking blessing to be able to submit them in bulk. instead of submitting a form for each one individually like u have to now#bc they're like. every 30 seconds. you're lucky if you go a couple minutes without smth almost unparseable#and when there'd be things like unlabeled flashing. or the gore bear. and u start writing up a message on the discord#it's like. there's a sense of people. someone's reading. someone's seeing it. even in just the reacts. y'know#and like. they have retroactive caption editors to clean up the old stuff as of 2024#but i'm four minutes into tuc episode 2. their third season ever. second episode. four minutes in#and zac says “it's a concentration” and the captions read “white's a constant station”#and i just ..... i guess i find it hard to feel like there's work being done. or like it's a priority#i. me personally. sent messages in the feedback channel about jokes in the captions on at least five or six seperate occasions#and i know there were other people speaking up about it too. over months and months#and the past... however many seasons it's been since burrow's end. have been a little better. but it's like....#it took so long to see any change. and those older ones are going to stay in until the retroactive editors catch all the way up#and people are still going to laugh at them and post about them and not think past their own amusement at them#and it's not that big of a deal but it does like. detract from how much i am able to enjoy d20#and like. i've been watching for three years. i never shut up about it. it's not like i don't like what they make#but between all of this and the way they handled palestine on the discord. i'm just finding it harder to trust in dropout#idk. idk. it's not a big thing. but it simmers in the back of my mind a lot. i don't rlly think it's going to change anytime soon#so i guess this is just putting it somewhere so it doesn't have to sit in my head all the time. um. yeah 👍
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im around if anyone's wondering i just feel like my sanity is slipping
#is this what unmedicated adhd when you're nearing 30s is like or is it depression or isolation or the knowledge that i'll always be this#who the fuck knows definitely not me but my god. the passage of time mkes me feel insane i almost wish i could just not look#at what time and day and year it is. it's just like. what do you mean it's been weeks. months. years. where the fuck was i then?#i'm not sad or miserable either tbh i'm just completely out of it. met up with a friend i haven't seen in what? 2? 3 years? and nothing#i knew him since first grade you'd think it would be nice to meet him but no i just kept thinking “i hope he leaves soon” the whole time#anyways yeah still haven't even opened discord. since winter right? i'm sorry i do not have it in me to talk to people. anywhere#sent out two messages regarding work today and as stupid as it sounds it's the most i've done in forever. pathetic really. oh well#at least the dreams are mostly nice
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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I feel like it really shouldn't be unreasonable for 2 professional workers in their late twenties to feel like they should be able to afford a 2-bedroom apartment
#my bf and I both make pretty ok salaries#but not like Tech Worker salaries#and we still can barely afford to rent a one-bedroom apartment#let alone attempt to buy anything#i literally just want room for my piano keyboard and my books??#i feel like that's not a lot to ask#most of my books are at my parents' house because we literally have nowhere to put them#literally don't know how anyone is expected to afford kids#to adults working full time can't afford an apartment big enough for children#bootlickers are always like 'just get housemates!'#but I feel like when you're almost 30 you shouldn't HAVE to
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weekly reminder that i'm not dead, just workin' on myself!
#chickenparm deep lore#word vomit in tags incoming#things have been Not Great for the past few months but we're getting better!#i been going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist#and working on getting my brain in a better place so i can function at the level i want to#i'm almost there i can TASTE it#anyway thank you guys for being patient while i haven't been writing a damn thing#and also all the silco people that haven't ran from me yet when the genshin plague struck me#and if you're just here cause you like me well then i like you too buddy#but yeah#sit tight for the follower milestone requests to be filled#and also my 30-idea long to do list for tartaglia fics#and whatever the fuck is gonna happen to lyney once i have him in my grasp
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i know it's midnight but...
I FIGURED OUT REWRITE CHRISTINE'S DRESS UP GAME!!!!! :D
@half-as-big-as-life!!!
#turns out the folders needed to be tagged not the layers!#silly me! ;D#now the game is ready!! :D#although the icons are mixed up but maybe that's a random thing! ;)#anyways I'M SO HYPED YAS!!!! :D#it's almost real!!!! :D#i just need to make the thumbnail title/description and submit it for mod approval!#here's hoping it'll be online by the end of the week! ;D#i have a feeling the next girly gaming ep will be very exciting... ;)#and if you're wondering why i'm awake at this time i always stay up till 12:30#i just stop posting when it's midnight for most of the country! ;)#poto rewritten
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going to get my fuckin car back from the body shop today let's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
#texttula#it got hit in MAY and I brought it somewhere in november but I had to take it back cause they were trying to screw me out of an extra $900#I found a second body shop that wasn't trying to fuck me over and it's DONE TODAY i'm goin over soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#these are the fun things that excite you when you're almost 30 kids
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i need both new friends and hobbies...my life is so fucking boring when i'm not working lol.
#but what's even worse than being bored is the cringe of trying to make new friends#especially when you're almost 30 ugh
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So Chapter 29 of Sins Of My Youth is (basically) done!
My plan was to post today, but since it's nearly midnight where I live, the new plan is to wait until tomorrow. Which, honestly might be for the best; I've been staring and editing at the thing for half the day and at this point I'm just blind to it. Hopefully reading it with fresh eyes will help me see it clearer before I send it off into the world
#let me tell ya writing when you're out of practice feels like swimming through mud during a hurricane#but it's almost done#hopefully chapter 30 won't take another 3 months to write rip#sins of my youth
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before i came on to reblog stuff as usual, i was just going through the things that were made for me this year by both @raplinenthusiasts & @cordiallyfuturedwight, and i can't tell you how grateful i am to have met such lovely souls on this site. i will cherish every single one of these sets forever 💗
#not me being sappy at almost 2:30 am because i'm unable to sleep#see when you're the creator you don't really think about people making anything for you#you're so used to everyone else being a muse#at least in my case that's true#seeing as i'm a professional creative & all#so when the tables turn for a change?#it touches me in an inexplicable manner#i guess as the year draws to a close#i didn't want to miss the opportunity to showcase my gratitude#i love you both dearly in case that wasn't obvious enough <3#steph.text
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those of you who claim to be "anti-nazi" and "anti-fascist" and are still saying and doing nothing about palestine, you are nothing but scum.
#“punch a nazi” but you're silent when children are being mass-murdered by war criminals#almost like what the nazis did in the 30s and 40s#you're loud when it's quiet but quiet when it's loud#performative isnt it#look at yourself and yourself alone#free gaza#gaza#gaza strip#gaza genocide
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god literally anyone in the family besides my mom saying stuff like 'oh lulu is so strong or kind, such a nice person, we're so proud of her' makes me. unbelievably angry. like I feel like my mom says it with genuine appreciation!!!!! I like hearing her say it!!!!!!! but anyone else saying it just feels performative and uncaring and like im still a fucking child to them and they're so surprised I can do things or take care of my mom or even do ANYTHING right
#my grandmother keeps saying it when she talks to my mom on the phone#and then my mom hangs up and i go I DONT NEED HER TO BE PROUD OF ME!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!#ALSO FUCKING SICK OF HEARING 'STRONG'#sometimes my grandmother says 'oh lulu is getting to be such a good little baker' I AM ALMOST 30.#I KNOW YOU'RE IN YOUR 90S AND I HATE BEING MAD AT YOU GRAN GRAN BUT. god sometimes i feel like she is still so. purposely distant#from so much!!!!!!!!!!! like she stays so specifically detached even when she's asking about my mom's stuff!!!#and even when she's still been a constant presence in my life!!!#and it makes me feel. like I'm still a kid to her!!!
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