#when troye sivan wrote youth he was thinking about them

[themarsbar]

My

Youth

Is

Yours.

[bobataeminsuga]

everyone's talking about music in your asks so i wanna know what your music hcs are for the genshin boys 👉👈

anon im so sorry for taking so long to reply but i really thought about it... and this is the first time ive ever made like a list of hcs so bear with me

i didnt know whether you meant hcs for the type of music they listened to or like them as musicians so i kinda did both

Genshin boy’s music headcannons under the cut!!

characters: kaeya, diluc, venti, albedo, bennett, razor, xingqiu, chongyun, zhongli, childe, xiao, scaramouche, aether, dainsleif

kaeya:

I get big sweater weather by the neighbourhood vibes from him

bi icon i guess

He loves the neighbourhood

Daddy issues by the neighbourhood yessir

He can play the guitar. his voice is okay, he’s not bad, he can sing and its really nice but its not the prettiest out of all the genshin boys

he loves serenading people and it just works bro, he knows exactly how to make people fall for him

diluc:

a lot of ppl say he would listen to like emo music or something but he listens to classical music

i mean he's a nobleman after all

he grew up learning the piano so he fell in love with classical music at a young age

unlike kaeya, he doesnt serenade people, instead you can find him playing piano at midnight, very captivating (i think i said this in a previous post lol)

hates it when kaeya gets control over the music

definitely the "pop music is so annoying and meaningless" bitch

venti:

nicki Minaj

I dont know why but nicki Minaj

Maybe doja cat too ngl

tbh venti just loves every genre of music

but he really loves everything the nameless bard has ever sung to him - whether it was an original song or not

Learnt every instrument just so he could play the nameless bard’s music wherever he went - venti loves him and his music very much

albedo:

Something magical

ghibli soundtracks maybe?

he likes merry-go-round from howls moving castle that's for sure

maybe chill vibey music

Luke chiang, maybe?

I wouldn’t be surprised if he could play the piano too but violin me thinks… or maybe viola just to prove how much better he is at music theory oooh so fancy he can read alto clef even though violas suck

Only sings lullabies to klee, doesnt sing otherwise, but he has a very calming and pretty singing voice, everyone wishes he sang more (khoi dao singing :,) )

bennett:

number one victory royale- no jk he doesn't listen to that shit unironically

bennett likes Wilbur Soot

really likes your new boyfriend

but other than that he really likes music with deep lyrics, he likes meaningful things

he also really likes singing, he's not that great at it but he loves it and he wants to get better at it

would probably be a band kid, probably plays the trumpet or something

razor:

razor doesn't really understand music

he doesn't have a favourite genre or artist or song

but he really likes bennett's singing

even if bennett thinks he's bad, razor likes listening to him sing, he thinks bennett is the best singer in all of teyvet

he doesn't know this wilbur soot guy, he thinks those are bennett’s songs and that bennett wrote im in love with an egirl about fischl and doesn’t know how to feel about that

Razor cant play any instruments but if he did maybe drums??? Hm… 

xingqiu:

everyone thinks he likes classical music - which he does, its just not his favourite

he listens to cavetown me thinks

like i think he listens to cavetown if you get what im saying

Sings lemon boy to chongyun even if he isnt a good singer

He plays the flute, not the best, he’s still learning

his older brother plays the violin and they often argue about which is the better/worse instrument

chongyun:

rnb? I get an rnb vibe from him

maybe krnb? like junny and crush

Chongyun is very swaggy imo so i feel like he’d like swaggy chill music therefore krnb

Not the biggest fan of cavetown but if xingqiu is listening to this is home then chongyun knows he has to be there to comfort him and sits through the song anyways 

Chongyun doesnt play any instruments, he sings all the time without realizing it though

he has a very nice voice and xingqiu always tells him this but he doesnt believe this (kinsens singing voice ;-;)

zhongli:

yet another classical music enjoyer

doesnt really mind other genres but he doesnt really like rap

also really likes old rock

journey, the Beatles, queen, he loves it all

but his favourite song is the song guizhong sings to the glaze lilies, nothing can replace that

Cant sing for shit, which is why he cant pick glaze lilies himself

Cant play any instruments either, playing music was always guizhong’s thing, not really his so he never bothered learning

childe:

pop music, whatever’s on the radio im sorry white boy

but also… hayloft? I feel like he would listen to hayloft but the question is would he listen to hayloft?

Surprisingly listens to rich brian bc he heard scaramouche listening once and loved it

Can sing, like he gets the notes right and stuff, nobody wants to hear it though (im so sorry griffin burns)

But sometimes he sings lullabies to tonia, anton, and teucer and :,)

Knows a little bit of piano - he had to teach tonia a bit back home bc they couldnt afford a piano teacher for her until he became a harbinger

xiao:

my chemical romance- nah I'm just joking he likes calming music, mcr and music like that would actually get on his nerves

he likes whatever venti plays

which makes him another big fan of the nameless bard - he doesnt know the songs aren’t venti’s though

JOJI

I think he likes joji, slow dancing in the dark and like you do are his favourites

Agoraphobic by corpse husband

Wishes he knew more about music but whenever venti offers to teach him he gets all “an adeptus doesn’t need to know such things”

He only sings to venti and the traveler whenever he thinks they’re asleep or sings them to sleep but he has sUCH A NICE VOICE (orz kinsen) - traveler and venti team up to get him to sing more

scaramouche:

CHOKE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME BUT YOU LOVE ME

Corpse husband.

literally just loud music with heavy bass I can see scaramouche listening to that

blasts that shit at the zapolyarny palace so that everyone knows he's there

signora hates it - childe, not so much but finds it a bit annoying sometimes

This man cant sing, he refuses to and he refuses to play an instrument

NO WAIT HE LIKES TAKAYAN

Cheating is a crime by takayan is his anthem

aether:

He likes whatever reminds him most of home, whatever makes him nostalgic

butterfly by bts

Youth by troye sivan

how to save a life by the fray

Mr loverman by ricky montgomery?

yeah sad music, he doesn't know where his sister is, he wants to go home, of course he'd be sad

Aether likes troye sivan, he gives me that vibe

Ukulele boy aether :o

He used to play the ukulele and sing with lumine (luyin kana’s voice :”) )

abyss prince aether tho hmmm… might be a different story, i feel like he wouldnt be a ukulele boy but he would still listen to sad music me thinks

dainsleif:

He doesn’t listen to music

Knows about music, but doesn’t listen to it

They say long ago he used to sing a lot, rumour has it he was one of the best singers in Khaenri'ah, he doesnt sing anymore

Hears aether singing and gets sad about lumine (or vice versa)

[dex-xe]

I’ve made Spotify playlists inspired by each of the ghosts and I’ve made these little written pieces to talk about them. if you wanna read them, please go ahead - if not then enjoy the music!!

This is the Captain's playlist:

Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller

This is one of my favourite like old WWII style songs, I just think it’s beautiful and really great to dance slow to (at some point in my life I will dance with my husband or wife to this song in our little kitchen, and then my life will finally be complete). It’s in Doctor Who (in The Empty Child) and Jack and Rose dance to it in front of Big Ben, like it’s a really great scene in one of the best episodes of Dr Who ever. So good and a great WWII song.

Soldier - Trixie Mattel

Yes, I know this is about Katya’s issues and everything that happened with that but like it is also like very accurate to the Captain’s arc. Like “soldier, take your time” is like yeah?? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t believe the Captain is even remotely aware of the fact he’s gay cause like I don’t reckon he understands love or the fact that he’s got feelings like that, I don’t think he knows so yeah take your time to figure it out yeah, Captain.

We’ll Meet Again - Vera Lynn

This song seems to have taken a new meaning in pandemic times but Havers leaving Button House and (I assume) never returning but like the Captain staying at Button House completely in the dark as to what happened to Havers and therefore living with the possibility of Havers returning.

HEAVEN - Troye Sivan & Betty Who

Obviousssss, but this song was such an integral part in me figuring shit out about my life. Like, I was 14 and a massive Troye fan when it came out and (growing up in a working class, strict religious, small town family) the music video was literally my first understanding of the fight for queer rights. I knew about LGBTQ+ identities and identified as a variety of queer labels at the time I was completely unaware of the entire struggle that had come before me and seeing photos and footage of this fight for the first time was O.o Anyway, I'll stop talking about myself and say that I’m incredibly happy with the hc of the Captain trying to learn a bit more about queer history in his journey to accept himself.

In Our Bedroom After the War - Stars

The poor Captain, let the man love I beg. I have so much love for stories and hcs of the Captain being sweet and being in love like pls ily.

Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths

This might actually kill his gay little soul but by good it would be worth it!! I’m gonna go off on a bit of a philosophy tangent but what were ya expecting from me honestly: the sample used in Achilles Come Down is an extract from a 1942 essay by Albert Camus who, alongside Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and the like, wrote about the concept of ‘the absurd’ which is a tricky concept but a reallyyyyyy simplified version of it is basically the idea that humans constantly search for a meaning and purpose for life and the universe but the universe does not provide answers to that which causes human distress. Basically, what I mean to say like isn’t that concept just so Captain?? Like he searches for meaning in war and can’t see life beyond the war because that provides him purpose, you know?? But yeah, it’s a banging song and I’m sorry about the tangent.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Ya saw this one coming :P Well he just is a good old fashioned lover boy so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

William, It Was Really Nothing - The Sm*ths

Even just the name being right is like *chefs kiss*. Yes there are lines in this song that are just shit and reallyyyyyyy show the views of M*rrisey and his general shitty behaviours.

It’s a Long Way to Tipperary - John McCormack

It’s just a fun song.

You’re Somebody Else - flora cash

LGBTQ+ staple really, ik it’s about being trans but I wanted to include it because of the recent Ben Willbond interview when he talks about how he’s interested in the contrast of a confused authoritative figure. Like the Captain is such a contrast and I love that in characters.

It’s Been a Long, Long Time - Harry James

Like I’ve said repeatedly, I wanted at least a little bit of time specific music for each of them I could. So yeah there’s a few for the Captain, WWII music is such a vibe tbh.

The Boxer - Simon & Garfunkel

I’ve always interpreted the song as being about loneliness and well, Captain my boy that you. Like he’s literally surrounded by people 24/7 but is so very alone. When the others are all watching tv in Redding Weddy and the Captain is just sat in the window watching for Havers is just so pretty and I think it’s really telling of the relationship he has with the others.

The Arrow and the Aim - Nadia Reid

Pretty pretty song, the voice is *mwah* but that’s irrelevant.

Ramblings of a Lunatic - Bears In Trees

Okay but like yes. The Captain is so alone like despite being around people literally all the time - not being able to escape you might say. Is he aware he’s different? Like what goes on in his head, will we ever know?? Cap, you gotta start talking to people, man. You gotta open up cause you will go crazy, Ik it’s been 70 years fella but seriously you’re gonna go crazy soon.

Death with Dignity - Sufjan Stevens

Just a beautiful song, and yeah with the Captian being the way he is and so focused on the war and military and the idea of "death with dignity" is pretty prolific. Given that we're fairly sure the Captain never saw any action, would he be considered to have died with dignity?? Maybe, maybe not idk.

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General - Arthur Sullivan & John Reed

That one scene where Alison is trying to sleep and the Captain is just sat beside her bed singing this. Like that’s so funny XD It’s his little head bob as he sings like that’s so good.

Kiss Me Goodnight, Sergeant Major - Arthur Askey

I remember my nan had an Askey record and she used to play it all the time and this always made me laugh cause 5 year old me couldn’t get the image of a really strong and tough soldier being all motherly and yeah I just wanted to include it :D

Teddy Boy - Paul McCartney

The Captain’s name is Teddy, I take no debate on this. Just the idea of the Captain’s backstory, like a childhood backstory for the Captain genuinely makes me cry. I know a lot of people have shared their stories of their interpretation of the Captain’s childhood and they’re all sad and I love them all :’) (Specifically a big fan of Operation Keep Calm on AO3 and what they’ve done with the Captain’s character and story, 10/10 would recommend but it’s not finished and I really hope it is at some point ily).

O Captain! My Captain! - The Static Shift

Just an interesting song, yeah? “I believe I’m in my prime”/“In my bally prime”, you get it XD

John My Beloved - Sufjan Stevens

I love this song (no I’ve never seen the film and no don’t really intend to) It’s just sweet, you know, and the religious elements etc yeah that’s good.

[peachyrm]

i feel like a lot of ppl on this site see a callout post for BTS, look at all of the problematic things they did in the past, and immediately ‘cancel’ them or see that as a valid reason to finally hate them or kpop in general, without considering the context of the situations or how the kpop industry works.

im definitely not here to defend the things they said or did, because it WAS gross. but those things are also from 3-5 years ago, have apologized for or had no control over whether it happened or not.

this post serves as a ‘clearing their name’ type of post, and will actually take a look into the problematic things theyve done and how they dealt with it, along with all the positive things they have done in the past few years. it will be pretty lengthy and will have lots of sources/screenshots. before i get into this though, i want to say that no one is obligated to like BTS, or forgive them for what they/their label did. you reserve the right to feel the way you feel, however that may be. that being said, this post is for people who never saw the apologies, who vaguely know who BTS are and saw only bad things about them, who want to get into BTS but aren’t sure if they’re extremely problematic, and more.

starting off, i want to explain the context behind the links of this post. i would link the original, but op has deleted it. so, obviously, yes bts did do all of the above. but like i said before, it was 3-5 (now, technically 6) years ago. when BTS debuted in 2013, they were all 21 or under. 15-16 year old Jungkook being the youngest, and Seokjin being the oldest at 21. they were merely teenagers and on top of this, had no or very little control of their self image. the hairstyles & photoshoots, the boys had no control over. bighit and bts’ stylists are in charge of these things. if you want someone to be angry at, be angry at bighit, bts’ label company. this includes RM’s hairstyle back in the ‘No More Dream’ era / early debut days, Suga’s dreads, and any other hairstyle, clothing, or photoshoot that caused controversy. (in case anyone, who isn’t familiar with kpop, is confused; kpop label companies usually control everything their idols do. from what they wear, to what their songs are about, to if they’re even allowed to date. it’s a very disgusting industry that has a history of abuse, but that’s an entirely different subject i could get into.)

here is an article where BigHit apologizes for the antisemitism + the ‘bombing’ shirt Jimin wore, and they explicitly state that “the band members were ‘in no way responsible’ for the controversy.” which further proves my point that the boys had no control over what they wore/how they looked.

here is a thread about RM’s racist behavior in the past, and admitting + apologizing for what he did, including how he has changed certain lyrics of songs because they could be seen as (or were) misogynist. to this day, RM hates and regrets how his hair looked at the time.

in case anyone doesn’t want to read the entire thread, RM says this: “As I went through the year 2016 I came to think about that. My words or behaviors, regardless of my intentions, could cause troubles or hurt others feelings. In the process, I thought I need to hold responsibility for that and I need to think about such things. What I said or did would not be undone. I thought so. Then I learned how to admit myself. [...] Anyways, to become a better person, I need to hold responsibility for what I do. I need to change my mindset. I need to change my way of thinking if it’s wrong. I learned I need to hear from many people. I mean, I came to think like that. Now when I do something, I think, ‘how would people feel about my act?’” 

again, this is not excuses for what they did, but rather how/why it happened or how they had no choice in the matter & what they had to say about it afterwards. BTS are living, growing people who have acknowledged their mistakes and apologized. in RM’s speech at the U.N. he says this: “Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become.”

since the apology part of this post is mostly over, i wanted to talk about the good things that bts has done in the past few years. things like their continuous support of the LGBT community, the powerful messages in their music, the bending of the ‘typical kpop style’, etc.

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over the years and as their popularity grew, BTS have actually managed to seemingly take more control over what they stand for and how they present themselves and their music. since around 2017, BTS have made a very impactful social stance with their string of albums & their concept: “Love Yourself”. for people who don’t know, this concept consists of three albums over the course of 2016-2018 and are in order as follows: LOVE YOURSELF 承 'Her', LOVE YOURSELF 轉 'Tear' LOVE YOURSELF 結 'Answer'

the summarized version of the stories are love at first sight, the failing/one-sided-ness of said love, and then learning how to love and accept yourself before you are fully able to love others. along with this concept came the partnership with the anti-violence campaign, UNICEF, who work to protect young people from all over the world. the entire album concept consistently promotes self-love and acceptance, something that is not very explored in kpop or even western pop music in general. while some of the songs in “LY: Her” use female pronouns, almost all the rest of them across all the albums use gender neutral or no pronouns. this was done intentionally by RM (who writes/produces a majority of their songs), as he believes “feelings/love transcend genders, cultures, and barriers between people.” the title song of “LY: Her”, “DNA”, (as stated in the screenshot) further expresses this idea with the lyrics: “None of this is a coincidence Because we’re the two who found our destiny - I only focus on you You steer me a little harder The DNA of the genesis wants you This is inevitable, I love us We are the only true lovers”

and in “Serendipity”, as well:

“The universe has moved for us Without missing a single thing Our happiness was meant to be Cuz you love me, and I love you”

while, obviously, there is one ‘her’ pronoun in the song, most of it expresses what RM says. and bighit being bighit, im sure they had some say in how the lyrics were presented, esp since it was the title song. what i’m trying to say is that i truly believe BTS are doing their best to support the lgbt community, even with the tight restrictions that their label and the kpop genre puts on them. being on the topic of LGBT+ and support of the community, here is suga pretty much saying he’s bi. + and of course, his iconic lyrics in “Cypher Pt.3″

here is the bisexual flag colors in j-hope’s music video for his song “Daydream”.

RM saying he liked “Same Love” twice as much after reading about the lyrics, and Suga outright saying “Nothing is wrong. Everyone is equal.” in the first screenshot.

Jungkook’s love and support for troye sivan + Jimin wearing jeans with lyrics of troye sivan’s “Youth” on them

bts defying gender norms over and over and over.

fondness & friendship with/of multiple lgbt artists

RM referencing the film “Moonlight” in the song “4 O’Clock”

RM wrote the lyrics for GLAM’s song “XXO”,  that say “Are you a boy? Girl? I don’t care, passion is the key”

Jungkook and Jimin covering the song “We Don’t Talk Anymore” and not changing the pronouns.

an excerpt from RM’s speech at the U.N. ;  “Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself.” + full transcript here.

and these are just things i can think of off the top of my head. as for their political stance and social messages in their music, & talking about other things considered taboo in kpop (such as mental health/illness), here you go:

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suga talking about (his) mental health and struggles in various songs on his mixtape.

their ENTIRE “IDOL” music video is basically a response to how people stereotype them/the kpop genre & have said that they are “too westernized”. the song includes a “traditional African-Korean sound”, the boys wearing hanboks/traditional korean clothing, on top of lots of korean history references & symbolism, and how they take pride in what they do. here is a really good video analyzing & explaining the mv. heres 3 more posts explaining why it sounds/looks the way it does, and how BTS did it intentionally. in case nobody has seen/heard the song, here is the first verse: “You can call me artist (artist) You can call me idol (idol) No matter what you call me I don’t care I’m proud of it”

the song “Epiphany” on “LY: Answer”, is (as you can imagine) a song about having an epiphany about loving yourself. the lyrics are pretty self-explanatory. the chorus: “I’m the one I should love in this world Shining me, precious soul of mine I finally realized so I love me Not so perfect but so beautiful I’m the one I should love”

RM talking about his mental health/depression in “Forever Rain” on his mixtape “mono.” + as well as in “Reflection.” the outro of the song which i wanted to add, is just a repeated “I wish I could love myself.”

the lyrics to the song “I’m Fine” on LY: Answer express being able to love yourself without relying on somebody to fix you or make you happier, because only you can complete yourself.

the outro to the album, “Answer: Love Myself” concludes the Love Yourself album series, and has extremely beautiful lyrics. the full translation here, if anyone wants to read all of them. it’s about, as im sure you can guess, loving yourself even with all your flaws and mistakes & striving to be a better person each day.

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SO TLDR; BTS absolutely have made mistakes, like every person does, but have apologized and learned from those mistakes. they have moved on, and have done more good in this world than bad. they have grown over the past 6 years and continue to grow every single day. as a young gay fan, their message and their presence means a lot to me. that fact that they’re so popular and use that power to spread kindness & self-acceptance (no matter Who you are), is really important especially in today’s society. doubly to youth who, themselves, struggle with mental illness and family issues, school/education, and any typical problem young people face in their lives. i have struggled with self-hate, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, trauma, the whole ordeal. their songs have helped me heal, even if only a little. and they give me another reason to keep going everyday. even if you don’t like their music or the boys themselves, there is no denying the positive impact they’ve made on millions of people, adults and children alike. BTS are absolutely not perfect, but they acknowledge this and do their best to BE the best they can be.

[iamspringday]

Holland - I’m Not Afraid

On Holland’s new MV, South Korea being stuck in the heteronormative stone age and how that unnecessary sloppy kiss might actually change the world for the better.  

In short: “I’m Not Afraid” is FAR MORE relevant than “Neverland”.

Please click to read on.

As some of you might know, I was rather critical of “Neverland”. I found it highly problematic that it was hyped not despite but simply because Holland is openly gay. Even though I like it, the song itself is pretty weak and so are Holland’s vocal abilities up to this day. The only reason it caught people’s attention was the comparably spectacular kissing scene, a real shocker if you will. Jump scare to a narrow-minded conservative (catholic?) South Korean elder. You don’t even see hetero couples getting it on like this on South Korean TV. But you know... in an ideal world, we’re past that point already, aren’t we? Queer people kissing in Western media is, fortunately, already canon. It’s 20gayteen. We made it. So I wasn’t exactly sure whether “Neverland” was doing us the big favor it advertised. In my opinion, it was exoticizing homosexuality even further. I wrote a lengthy paper for university that dealt with how toxic the whole “flower boy” culture actually is for SK’s LGBT+ community. The media is selling homosexuality as an entertainment product that, however, is still widely denied in real life. A gay Korean friend once told me: “I am from the countryside. Homosexuality simply doesn’t exist there. It’s not a rare thing, it’s not frowned upon, it simply doesn't exist.” The K-Pop industry is to a great extent based on selling “ships” to people, on toying with androgynous visual concepts... to cut myself short: it’s the gayest place on earth while at the same time (and as an uncanny side effect) hammering heteronormativity into young people’s brains. And boy, when I say heteronormativity I mean you are served the whole array of anti-feminist and patriarchal values. Exo’s “Lotto” is most likely one of the most disgusting and unbearable MV’s out there when you’re watching it as a somewhat emancipated woman. But that’s for another time... (I love Exo btw). So anyway... thanks to kissing games and all that oh so innocent stuff, homosexuality is fictionalized. Always toyed with, never actually acknowledged. In people’ s minds it’s a show element. It exists exclusively on stage. Good thing if a young gay guy comes along to change the world, you’d think. But I’d like to claim that Holland’s success actually just rode the very same wave that the idol industry has been riding for years, only in a somewhat more extreme form. It wasn’t a gay kiss casually happening because it’s okay these days... everything (including the teaser) was about that very kiss. Let’s be salty for a second... it was a really crappy song, paired with really crappy visuals and vocals that would have gotten 0 attention if it weren’t for the 2 boys making sweet out-of-context-love in that California king bed. Holland didn’t receive the love he received because it was suddenly okay to be gay and rejoice with the boys in South Korea. He received it because the video was downright (pleasantly, obviously) scandalous. And that’s the big ass problem we face here. It shows how unprepared South Korea is when it comes to being part of 20gayteen. Don’t get me started on the fetishization it necessarily attracted. Well, I still think it’s better to be fetishized than to be ostracized... or is that just me? When “Neverland” was released everybody was like “those are the winds of change” and I was like... uhm no. Actually, this just reestablished what has been going on for years: Being queer is possible on the silver screen, it’s South Korea’s favorite supply to spice trivial content up and we live in the times of “gay sells”... It’s a marketing strategy. 

So based on that, you can imagine that I approached “I’m Not Afraid” with a certain mindset already. I didn’t have high hopes. When I saw gifs on Tumblr that informed me “Oh, it’s hot air revolving around a making out session again” I was tempted not to watch it at all. Angry even just by looking at the gifs. Obviously, I ended up watching it. 

And the boy slayed. 

“I’m Not Afraid” has indeed taken that step. Away from being gay for the entertainment factor to bringing forth a pro-diversity and pro-equality message. I bloomed (excuse me, Troye) at the lesbian couple, the tattooed guy, the trans lady, the beautiful palette of skin colors and (here it comes) maybe especially at the way Holland blew that shisha smoke at the camera. Ever since then I’m wondering whether SK has a law that requires cigarettes to be censored while tolerating the display of waterpipes... so many questions. Anyway... I’m talking about pride here. As a queer person, that video makes your chest swell with pride rather than (as “Neverland” did to me) cringe... It’s a sweet short film about a perfectly ordinary group of friends having a good time and there is nothing you homophobic, heteronormative piece of poo can do about it. Even though it is obviously completely staged (duh), it conveys a certain casualness that makes diversity look natural where it originally always used to be the forced center of attention. Pocky games and other kissing games are like cockfights (no pun intended) shoving the scandalous gay into people’s faces... and now look at Holland and his squad casually being themselves.

I mean, the whole MV can basically be considered that big homage to Troye Sivan’s “Youth” (insert that butterfly meme here with me pointing at “Not Afraid” and asking “Is this a “Youth”?) and I’d like to point out that Troye didn’t deem it necessary to zoom in (out?) on a sloppy French kiss but maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s not that bad after all. While (at least in theory) Western media has seen one or two queer people and is pretty okay with them exchanging saliva, South Korea ain’t yet and maybe really needs to see some snaky tongues curling around each other before people get the point of how it is human nature to also be attracted to the same sex. Any sex really. Gender is so 1990.

You go, Holland. *stares at you as proudly as you stared at the camera after deepthroating that dude’s tongue*

I end this with a moment of tearful silence for the fact that I had to click “I agree” when YouTube warned me that “I’m Not Afraid” might contain content that’s not agreeable for everybody. But here I am: Not afraid.

[thebluesideofmyworld]

Solangelo Singer/Musician!AU

Somehow ever since Troye Sivan dyed his hair into blond I can’t stop thinking about this AU where Will was a famous pop singer and Nico was that indie musician so while I don’t have the time to really write something decent about it, I am just gonna put what I had in mind here (and yes all the songs stated here are Troye’s songs. I love him. Sue me)

Will was a famous pop singer who has released two albums.  Grew up in a small town in Tennessee, he started his career by covering some songs on YouTube and he gained a massive amount of followers.  Lou Ellen, the daughter of a recording company’s CEO  convinced her father to offer him a contract.

Nico was an indie musician who played guitar and piano and he didn’t really care about what is happening in the entertainment industry. For him it’s the music that mattered and not who sang it. He wrote some songs but often he asked his friends, either Piper or his sister Hazel to sing the song that he wrote where he would record it and uploaded it on YouTube. He only sang a few of his own songs, the very personal ones. When he uploaded the songs, he only used pictures that Hazel drew so none of his followers really knew how he looked like. In fact, no one even knew what his real name was

Nico liked to write his songs in a small coffee shop that Jason owned, because Jason would let him stay for as long as he wanted. The coffee shop opened until 2 AM anyway.

One night Will was walking on the street with his hoodie on, somehow missing the life in a country side. It was laaaate at night, almost midnight, because that was the time when he could wander on the streets without being recognized by his fans

He found this small coffee shop only two blocks away from his fancy apartment and something just made him pushed the door to come inside.

Will ordered his drink and took a seat on one of the arm chairs. He noticed a notebook on the small table in front of the armchair.

Out of curiosity, Will picked up the notebook and flipped through the pages, finding lines of words, beautifully crafted into some sort of poetry

Will was reading some sort of poetry on the last page about how someone wanting to see the stars and not wanting to say goodbye to someone else when the sound of someone clearing his throat made Will look up and he found a guy with dark hair and a pair of dark brown eyes

Nico found a guy was flipping through his books where he jotted down his ideas for new songs. Nico just finished writing the lyrics for the song that he wrote for Bianca because even though Bianca passed away 12 years ago because of cancer Nico still missed her every day and one of his fondest memory about her was star gazing together where Bianca would tell him about the constellations and stories about those constellations. The blond guy looked up and for a second Nico forgot how to breathe and why he was there because damn those eyes were so blue, too blue

The blond asked him whether Nico was writing poetry or something and Nico usually did not tell people about what he has been doing and especially not to strangers but those eyes and there was just something, something about this blond guy that made Nico tell him that no, he wrote songs and a stupid wide smile that was just so ridiculously bright just bloomed on the blond’s face

Before Nico knew it he already sat down in front of the blond whose name was Will and they started talking about the songs that Nico was working on and hey what a coincidence they had the same app on their phones to make some music

They compared the tracks that they have recorded to each other. Will found Nico’s music to be something refreshing and Nico somehow just fell in love with Will’s singing voice that was just so soft and that was exactly the kind of song that he wanted for this one song

They did not realize that they had spent hours talking about music until Jason showed up and tell him that he was so sorry and he did not want to interrupt but it was like fifteen minutes to two am and he was closing the shop.

 Despite the fact that it was far past midnight both Nico and Will were really on fire about this one thing that they felt would be very likely become like, a real song if they just keep continue working on it 

 So when Will suggested that they continue working in his apartment because it was not really far from the coffee shop

They went to Will’s apartment and spent a few more hours when they finish a piece of song complete with the lyrics.

It was 8.30 in the morning when they fell asleep, Will on the couch and Nico on the armchair, papers scattered all around them

Will woke up in late afternoon and Nico was gone but on the paper where they had the last version of the piece that they were working on was Nico’s handwriting: That was fun. Maybe we should do it again. His phone number was scribbled on the paper.

Two or three days later, Nico was totally not thinking about Will when he was playing some random notes on his guitar

Then he got a phone call from Will asking whether Nico would be available in the evening because they need to have some serious talk

Nico was freaking out a bit with the serious talk but he showed up in Jason’s coffee shop where he found Will was already waiting with someone named Cecil that he introduced as the person doing Will’s legal stuffs and that kind of stuffs

Basically Will wanted to release the song that they wrote together as his newest single so he asked Nico whether he would be okay with that and if he said yes than he would continue with the song writing process along with the legal stuff and other shit like that

Nico didn’t instantly say yes, besides, he was still kind of shocked to realize that Will was a real actual pop singer who had released an album last year with some singles topping the chart but Will said it was okay Nico could think about it for as long as he wanted to

But three days later Nico texted him and just said okay let’s do this

So they met again and the next few weeks Nico and Will spent so much time together writing that song

Two months later, Will released The Fault in Our Stars as his newest single. His fans were ecstatic and the fact that Will wrote a line where he thanked ‘the angel who came to me in a dark night and bring a new light into my life’

After the single was released, Will and Nico still spent time together. Yes they were still write new songs but they’re also like hanging out like playing video games in Will’s apartment or watching TV series or whatever 

It was almost scary for Will to realize that spending time with Nico had become something that he was really looking forward to. It was like it had been always been too long since the last time he met Nico before they could meet again. This realization that hit Will ended up with Will writing Wild as the his next single

One day they went somewhere and went to a photo booth and did some silly pictures together then they drove around the city and talked about wouldn’t it be nice if they could just go anywhere in the world because hey they were still young anyway right? The euphoria of going out together for the whole day ended up with them writing Youth

One night, somehow they talked about their past, including about the first time they found their sexualities and how they had struggled about it (well, Will was born and raised in a quite conservative family and Nico was born and raised in a Catholic family in Italy), they ended up writing Heaven together

On another night, Will told Nico about Jake Mason, his ex-boyfriend that he left before he started his career in the music industry. He told Nico how sometimes he felt guilty about him leaving Jake just like that and while Will was moving forward with his career Jake was still there in their quiet hometown and yeah Will felt guilty but at the same time he didn’t think he and Jake would work out as a couple anyway. Nico encouraged him to write a song about it and hey, they ended up writing The Good Side.

On another occasion, Will was having a mental breakdown because he was so so tired with all the pressure in his career and Nico came to calm him down and just held him close and talked softly to him, quietly whispered at Will and ran his hand soothingly on Will’s back. Nico talked to Will about some small simple things in life that made life beautiful and he asked Will about what were the things that Will remembered the most about his childhood and what were things that Will liked, just some simple basic things in life but those little things that could put a smile on your face and just made you feel at ease. The next day, after Will felt better, they started writing Ease

(No it’s not finished yet but it’s past midnight already and I could barely keep my eyes open but I still have some headcanon about this AU because I already had what songs that Nico would be uploaded on his channel that he wrote about his relationship with Will and also how they wrote for him  together and WIll wrote Bite because gosh he really wanted Nico to kiss him and how they write My My My but maybe I’ll do it next time and MAYBE just MAYBE I am going to wrote a Solangelo series based on this AU)

[stretchjournalemerson]

Technology and Social Media as Modes of Conversation for Underrepresented Communities: An In-depth Look at the Importance of YouTube within the LGBTQ+ Community

By Kathleen Grillo -

“On September 23, 2018, ironically Bisexual Visibility Day, I sat with my suitemate on her bed while another suitemate of ours stood against the closed door. Then, I told them I was, and to clarify still am, bisexual. The rest of the night I came out to four other suitemates.”

On September 23, 2018, ironically Bisexual Visibility Day, I sat with my suitemate on her bed while another suitemate of ours stood against the closed door. Then, I told them I was, and to clarify still am, bisexual. The rest of the night I came out to four other suitemates. The previous night at midnight, I had come out to my best friend over text, too afraid to tell her over facetime. Over the course of the next few weeks, I would go on to tell those closest to me. Today, I am still telling people. People think you come out once. I thought you came out once. You tell one person and then expect the rest of the world to just know, but I, and many others, are wrong. I will continue to tell people I am bisexual for years. Maybe the rest of my life. There will always be someone else to tell. Coming out is different for everyone. For some, they really do come out once. For others such as myself, they know they will come out many times throughout their life.

I first thought I was bi when I was twelve years old, but quickly dispelled the thought when my mom told me it was normal to think girls were pretty. Little did she know I’d imagined kissing them. The thought was gone though, and I continued with life. That is, until November of junior year when my best friend came out to me. She’d known her whole life, and she had been wanting to tell me since freshman year when we met. That day on the bus ride home, and on the bus ride home for the next week, I questioned myself again. No, I thought, I am not gay. Time passed. I was straight, but I was supportive. I always had been.

Then, I went to college, a place of discovery, where you meet new people and try new things. Maybe, like me, you live in a new city. As cliche as it is to say, college really does teach you things about yourself. For me, that meant re-evaluating my sexuality. Once again, I returned to that questioning. This time, though, I got a different answer. No longer did straight feel right, but bisexual was starting to. Looking back, there were clues scattered throughout my adolescence, ones I didn’t see until questioning. In those weeks of inner reflection, when I was too afraid to talk to anyone I knew, I turned to YouTube. I listened to queer music and watched the respective music videos. I watched coming out videos, listened to people’s stories. How did they know? When did they come out? How did they come out? Am I apart of this community?

...

Dr. Sherry Turkle, a Harvard graduate, is known for her work as a psychologist and sociologist. Moreso, she is known for her discussion on the topic of social media and technology. In 1996, she wrote a book about the up and coming technology which led her to be displayed proudly on the front of Wired magazine. More recently, Turkle spoke for TED.com, a popular website containing speeches on ranging topics and featuring a wide selection of speakers. Turkle was there to speak about technology once again. This time, she was further discussing her research on the modern generation and their addiction to technology, to social media. Texts. Tweets. Notifications. She claims, “I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble -- trouble certainly in how we relate to each other, but also trouble in how we relate to ourselves and our capacity for self-reflection.” She explains that social media is changing how we think, that technology is literally changing our psyche. And Turkle is not wrong; we are ever adapting to the world around us. We learn to split our attention span, to send that text while still listening to our friends. We learn to finish an assignment while also writing notes from a professor’s lecture. Turkle is valid in her argument that, “People want to be with each other, but also elsewhere -- connected to all the different places they want to be.” We do split ourselves across many forms of communication, but Turkle’s argument falters in its ignorance of all sides of social media and technology.

Most people I know would say social media doesn’t inhibit their ability to connect with those around them. In many ways, technology and social media builds connections and enables conversation. Friends text or facetime when they are away at college. Parents call to check in. Classmates work on projects. It is a different type of conversation, but a conversation nonetheless. Even more, Turkle’s argument comes from a place of privilege. In her essay “Always-On/Always-on-You: the Tethered Self”, she says, “Tethered selves come together, but do not speak to each other”, meaning that, because we are connected, or tethered, to our devices, we cannot converse properly with those around us. This assumes that all conversations we want to be apart of are being hosted in real life. But what if that isn’t the case? What if those you identify with aren’t in your real life sphere?

One such community in which this occurs is the LGBTQ+ community. Many individuals who belong to this community, who in this essay will be referred to as queer individuals, turn to the safety and availability of social media. A large platform where this occurs is YouTube, as explicitly explored here. There are many YouTubers, those who create and post videos to YouTube, that are known for their queer content across all ranges, from coming out advice to queer music to queer education. All such YouTubers are real and non-scripted as they are in TV or movies. Because of this need for belonging within the LGBTQ+ community it is clear that “The quick spread of the videos is testament to how many people search for coming out advice, unable to access it through their immediate environment or most media outlets” (Bateman). This quote comes from Jessica Bateman, a writer for Broadly, a subsection of Vice that focuses on unrepresented individuals. In the article, Bateman focuses specifically on the importance of coming out videos, one of the most popular kinds of queer videos on YouTube. Not only do these videos answer questions that many queer individuals are too afraid or unable to ask, but they also provide validation in the form of the video’s creator and in the continued conversation found in the comments section of such videos.

One such Youtuber, whose coming out video has reached over 8.3 million since it was posted on August 7, 2013, is Troye Sivan. His video is one of the most well known in the LGBTQ+ community. Sivan is one of the original “gay YouTubers,” who was openly gay and made videos discussing such topics. In this video, Troye begins by saying, “This is the most nervous I’ve probably ever been in my entire life, but I’m going to deal with it because I have something to tell you guys.” Even Sivan, who had a strong level of support on his channel, was nervous. This point can be extremely validating to individuals who haven’t come out or are trying, and struggling, to do so. This is one example of many as to how these videos can be paramount in the LGBTQ+ community. They provide support and as Bateman says, “Coming out to your parents is never easy, but more and more LGBTQ young people are sharing their experiences on YouTube to ‘show our identities are valid.’" Since his coming out video, Sivan has proved to be influential, continuing his YouTube channel years after the video’s debut. Recently, Sivan is more known for becoming a queer icon as a musical artist.

As mentioned, an important component of these videos is the comments sections. On Sivan’s video, there is a mix of old comments posted when the video was first released and he was little more than a YouTuber, and new comments, posted now with the knowledge of Sivan as an artist and role model. These comments show the personal influence and conversation created outside of the YouTuber that many queer individuals will spend hours scrolling through to find the many other people they identify with. Such comments include, “I am a 60 year old gay man. This was the video I watched the first time I saw you about a year ago. I think you are great. I can't wait to see the movie "Boy Erased". I think your music is beautiful. I have listened to a lot of it. I think you are an inspiration to a lot of people. You may not realize it, but people like you even help older people like me” (Randy D). These videos do not just appeal to a younger generation, but also to anyone who wishes to find validation or education.

They also become a place for people to share their own stories. Most importantly for some, they are safe, anonymous places to do such. This is a crucial component of the online conversation being composed, especially considering the high amounts of mental health problems and suicide among LGBTQ+ individuals. According to the Trevor Project, a national organization that aims to help LGBTQ+ youth through crisis and suicide scenarios, “LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth” and “...40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt.” Another comment by user Kristine Jauregui, says,“Im bisexual...but until now im inside the closet waiting for someone to open it. Im scared to come out because I knew already that they're not going to accept me. And lately my mom told me that i need to find my prince but in my mind my prince is a princess.” (Jauregui). The responding comments are full of love and encouragement. The anonymity of social media, although isolating at times, can open people up to talk about things they can’t in real life, or when similar identifying individuals aren’t available in their real life.

Outside of the initial need for coming out and finding validation, is the want for education. Whether a part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, YouTube has become a place for education. Specific queers can find tutorials on packing and binding, practices taken up by many trans individuals, as well as learn the difference between some sexualities and genders and learn more about queer sexual health. One person who has done such is Ash Hardell, a non-binary, trans-masculine, bisexual YouTuber. Not only do they make regular YouTube videos, but they are also the writer of a book called The ABC's of LGBT+. Although, to clarify, the book is published under the name Ashley Mardell, the name they used before getting married and before changing their first name to a more nonbinary one. Hardell explains that the purpose of the book is “to be a detailed guide of many LGBTQIA+ identities and terms with an emphasis on those that are mis- and underrepresented.” The book uses multiple sources, from images to video links to interviews, to explain and educate the many different areas of this community. Hardell perfectly explains why their book is important by saying, “in an attempt to combat erasure and increase general LGBTQIA+ knowledge, this book hopes to offer visibility and a voice to identities that are usually lost and forgotten.”

It is important to Hardell, both in their videos and their book, that proper education is offered to all within this community. Their YouTube channel heavily reflects the ideas presented in the book. They have countless videos targeted for gender education, trans education, and sexuality understanding. There are also many videos that display collaborations with other YouTubers that produce LGBTQ+ content. This opens the conversation to more than just one voice. With something as unique as sexuality and gender, it is extremely helpful for this community to know all of its resources, or at least as many as it can. Outside of queer identifying individuals, these channels that provide education are extremely important for cishets, a term used to mean a cisgendered, heterosexual individual. There are many topics and ideas that become difficult for one to understand unless they themselves have experienced it. YouTubers such as Hardell begin to help “outsiders” understand. Without YouTube and social media, it becomes increasingly more difficult for education to spread. The LGBTQ+ community is just one of many that use these sites to spread their message and gain understanding in such a diverse world.

We all know that it is easier to share or like a tweet or Facebook post, to watch a five minute YouTube video than to read a book or find someone willing to discuss such private matters. When these things are absent, people turn to social media and technology. Yes, as Turkle claims, “Connection is more like a symptom than a cure. It expresses, but it doesn't solve, an underlying problem.” That problem being the fear of loneliness. She argues that we connect when we are alone, but Turkle assumes that the same conversations are being hosted in person as well as online. While this is arguably valid, there are times in which we need to be alone without connecting, there are also times when we need to connect so that we can be alone without feeling lonely. In the LGBTQ+ community, it is very easy to feel lonely, especially if a queer individual has no similar identifying individuals near them. In that absence, social media and YouTube has become a place of validity, representation, and education. People receive answers to questions they are too afraid to ask, see themselves in the stories of others, and find courage in the bravery of role models. Coming out, something that is ongoing for many LGBTQ+ individuals, can be extremely isolating, but YouTubers and the very real people commenting on these videos are a safe haven for many queer youths, and adults. Yes, the kid on their phone while at dinner may be scrolling through Instagram or texting their friends who they’ll see tomorrow anyway, but they might also be scrolling through the comments of their favorite music video by Hayley Kiyoko as they debate telling their parents about their sexuality or their gender or both right then and there. Despite Turkle making a very reasonable claim, she ignores the communities where real-life exchange is not available. And in those circumstances, simple online connection can mean more than any person to person conversation.

Acknowledgements

I’d like to thank Mary Kovaleski for really pushing us to reach for a conversation we wanted be a part of, no matter how difficult it seemed. I would also like to thank my peers Matthew Pifko who provided useful research and Audrey Iocca who gave me extensive critique. I’d like to thank all the YouTubers who have given the LGBTQ+ community a place to express themselves and have dedicated themselves to improving the community. This work also wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my family and friends who’ve given me love and encouragement. Lastly, I’d like to thank myself for having the bravery to share a story I’ve never told.

Works Cited

Bateman, Jessica. “How YouTube Videos Changed the Way Young People Come Out.” Broadly,

VICE, 3 Apr. 2017,  broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/8x4gkp/how-youtube-videos-changed-the-way-young-people-come-out

“Facts About Suicide – The Trevor Project.” The Trevor Project,

www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/.

HeyThere005. “Ash Hardell.” YouTube, YouTube, www.youtube.com/user/HeyThere005.

Jauregui, Kristine. “Coming Out.” Comments section, YouTube, Apr. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvzWNwJ41_k .

Mardell, Ashley. The ABC's of LGBT+. Mango Media Inc., 2016.

Person. “Power. Life. Culture. Lore.” Broadly, VICE, broadly.vice.com/en_us.

D, Randy. “Coming Out.” Comments Section, YouTube, 7 Aug. 2013,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoL-MnXvK80.

“Saving Young LGBTQ Lives.” The Trevor Project, www.thetrevorproject.org/.

Sherry Turkle, ‘Always-on/Always-on-you:The Tethered Self.” In Handbook of Communication

Studies, James E. Katz (ed.). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2018.

Sivan, Troye. “Coming Out.” YouTube, YouTube, 7 Aug. 2013,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoL-MnXvK80.

Turkle, Sherry. “Transcript of ‘Connected, but Alone?".” TED,

www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together/transcript?language=en#t-294147

. 

[wendydarling-co-blog]

                                  AND SO THE ADVENTURE BEGINS;                                                                           a wendy d mix for dreamers 

“Without a failure that bruised your heart, art, and every start; what else would remind you that underneath this golden skin ‘strong’ runs in your veins” -Noor Unnahar

                                            SIDE A - STATE OF MIND

i. arizona [frances cone] | ii. trojans [atlas genius] | iii. i’d love to change the world [jetta] | iv. young and beautiful [lana del rey] | v. lost it to trying [son lux] | vi. indian summer [jai wolf] | vii. run boy run [woodkid] | viii. the moment i said it [imogen heap] | ix. alps [novo amor] | x. johnny belinda [active child] | xi. formation [beyonce] xii. lie [bts]

                                                SIDE B - I SAW THAT

i. your day will come | son lux

      “from deep inside you, your day will come” 

this was a hard time in wendy’s life. she had been pressured to pursue a career that she wasn’t found of, and was told that writing would get her no where. after hearing those words, she ran to her room and cried. she was upset at her parents and at heself; she thought that they should’ve been supportive of her, instead of shutting her idea down. she had lost hope with her writing, but continued to do so with the help of her brothers. she decided to get back up in hopes that her day would come to show her parents what she was capable of. 

ii. youth | troye sivan

        “cause we get no time for getting old / before our bodies turn to stones / cross your fingers, here we go”

this song had a special place in wendy’s heart. back in london, she had met a boy named peter, and she knew that he was different the second that she bumped into him at school. as the year went by, they got to know each other and eventually started to date. peter had decided to surpise her by taking her out to an open field late at night to see the stars and fireflies. wendy knew that her parents wouldn’t have let her go, so peter insisted that she sneaked out, and she did. at that moment, she knew that whatever she was dealing with didn’t matter and that peter gave her a sense of what it was like to be a kid again without any worries. he had a child-like personality, and it intrigued her. 

iii. venus | sleeping at last 

        “at first i thought you were a constellation / i convinced myself that i would never find you / when suddenly i saw you”

this song serves multiple purposes for wendy. it’s stuck by her ever since she started writing, and it reminded her of when she first met peter. a lot of her stories were written because of this song. she would lock herself in her room and listen to it on repeat as she wrote and thought up of ideas. it gave her a sense of adventure, and she longed for that. she wanted to go and explore new places and engage in different cultures, but all she could do was write about them in hopes of it becoming a reality. wendy had a love for stars and the planets, and meeting someone as unique as peter made her want to know more. peter and wendy were like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit and belong, and the whole school could see that. wendy had terrible experiences with past boys, but she had a weird feeling inside that this wasn’t going to be like any of her past relationships, and that excited her. 

iv. warrior daughter | wildwood kin 

          “ride ahead; fight for what’s yours / so take your sword; protector of them all”

wendy has always been passionate about writing/storytelling; her brothers had loved her stories she would tell them at bedtime, but her parents seemed to think just the opposite. despite the countless fights that she would have, she wouldn’t stop writing to fulfill a task that her parents didn’t get the chance to do. she wanted to make her own choices and have her parents support her along the way, but that was never the case. she stuck up for her beliefs and what she thought was right for her, even if that meant doing something that her parents disregarded. because of this song, wendy has been able to stand up for herself, no matter the situation, and be able to put herself first. 

v. i’d love to change the world | jetta 

         “i’d love to change the world / but i don’t know what to do”

whenever wendy needs a song to help bring her confidence back, this does the job. she loves how intense the instrumentals are throughout the song, and they fuel her in so many ways. this songs reminds her that she can do anything that she puts her mind to, and no matter what people say, she can change the world. wendy knows deep inside that she’s special and unique, and everyday, she’s slowly started to figure out who she truly is in order for her to change the world to the best of her ability.

                                                        THE END

[shananaomi]

2016.

hi. i haven’t been around these parts much this year, but i couldn’t quite let this one go by. 

here’s last year’s.

[note to self at end of 2017: you deleted anything you didn’t feel up to answering, so maybe go find a complete version if you’re into that sort of thing now.]

What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before?

Went to Paris, then drove around the French countryside in a tiny car, just as I’d imagined ever since seeing Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown, as a little kid. (Fewer haunted chateaus, more champagne.) Ran a 10k and only truly hated the last mile of it. Watched my wife run a marathon. Finally started reading Harry Potter, but only made it through 2.5 books before it...scared me too much to keep going. 

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

Last year: I vowed to prioritize watching more TV shows by and about women, and largely stuck to this and its corollary “no more whiny white guys.”

Also, in answer to the question about what I wish I had done more of in 2015, I said (pre-Hamilton, I should add): I’m sure it means something that every year my answer to this is write. It means I’m never satisfied, right?

Today on Twitter I said: has there ever been a year my resolution was not "write more; complain less"?

Also, per @yayponies, we are going to #GetFitToFightFascism. 

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Several people we love now have more children! And several more are about to.

Did anyone close to you get married?

I...don’t think we went to any weddings this year, or missed any big ones.

Did anyone close to you die?

2016 was definitely the year for crying over people who felt so close it stabbed inside to know they were gone, from Bowie to those killed in Orlando to George Michael.

What countries did you visit?

France! It was beautiful and also intense, like more of a city than even New York but in less space and smaller streets. In many ways the general nervousness and militarization reminded me of New York City post-9/11. 

What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?

A sense of safety, both personal and global.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

In order to avoid getting a spinal tap or going on a scary-sounding drug to reduce high pressure in my skull, I got a personal trainer, finally stopped eating anything and everything I wanted, and lost 30 pounds. Then I sort of plateaued, or in fitness-speak, maintained that weight successfully for the last 4 months while magically continuing to wear ever-smaller clothes. I’ve set a goal for at least 10 more pounds by the time I turn 40 in April, because that was a random thing I told myself a year ago I could try to do but sounded impossible at the time. 

But I also discovered that I fucking love hiking and even running outside and generally feeling stronger. And before 2016 totally and completely went to shit, I knew looking back that would be my biggest story of the year: I finally put real work into my body, and it was worth it.

What was your biggest failure?

Outside of the never-ending churn of work emails, I have become a terrible, almost entirely absent correspondent. I almost never reply to emails any more, and even text messages often go unanswered. I am so ashamed of this behavior I can barely type it out, honestly, and yet it is somehow the greatest tiny step to take in any free moment I find or set aside for specifically that purpose. 

If I have failed at some point or many to write you back, know it was certainly not because of anything you said, or didn’t.  

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I did something of a mid-year review on my birthday where I wrote about the medical mystery in my brain that dominated the end of 2015 and first half of this year. I’m very lucky; another few rounds of check-ups found my high pressure situation so reduced it was basically now undiagnosable. Also I avoided having a spinal tap, thank fucking god. My great USC Eye Institute doc left for another city but I have a follow-up in January with a guy who basically wrote the book on neuro-ophthalmology so we’ll see whether a true second opinion changes any of that. 

What was the best thing you bought?

It’s not that I don’t like working out with other people. Wait, yes it is. I survived a month of boot camp in 2015 out of sheer stubbornness but hated myself and my body more by the end of it than I’d ever thought possible. But in a one-on-one situation, it turns out I can just channel all that stubborn perfectionism into something meaningful. It was a massive investment, and one I plan to continue in 2017, but there is really no question to me that it was worth it.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wife. Did I mention she ran a goddamned marathon? In that and so, so many other ways, she is so much stronger than she thinks or believes and inspires me every day to keep going.

Where did most of your money go?

Trainer, rent, car payment, student loans. Mostly all those old familiar beasts. 

What song will always remind you of 2016?

“Youth,” Troye Sivan. Sitting by a pool in Palm Springs listening to him sing and writing about him and feeling pretty goddamned blessed. 

not a bad view to get serious on a deadline.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder. There’s just no other way to say that. 

ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner!

iii. richer or poorer? We’re being more careful about money now than we have at times in the past, I’ll put it that way.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Always: write. But I need to think a little more specifically about what that means for me right now. I run a major media outlet at which I could theoretically write almost anything, but almost never do. Part of what I most miss writing about is queerness and sexuality, but I am not totally sure what, if anything, I want to write for OUT. Should I write fiction? Should I be trying to write and report other, more politically focused pieces (either about entertainment in some way or not)? Should I do something with this TinyLetter I signed up for but have yet to use? Should I write more Tumblr posts? 

Oh yeah, and when am I going to do this? It’s not that I have no time, but I don’t have huge swaths of it either just sitting around waiting to be claimed. I can do this, if I really focus and prioritize. Having some kind of goal type thingie or vision here would obviously go a long way. 

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying.

How did you spend Christmas?

Writing George Michael’s obit. 

this is the ridiculous family photo we took on a street near my parents' new house - just before my phone buzzed with the news of George Michael's death. i'm just completely heartbroken. our first conversation, first date, first I love yous - all owe something big to our gay guardian angel, as we always called him. thank you George for being queer and angry and so, so, so beautifully talented. thank you.

What was your favorite TV program?

Save Pitch!

What was the best book you read?

Probably Julia Child’s memoirs, the perfect pre-France guide and also a reminder that a woman can find her way to a whole new life no matter her age. I also adored my old friend Tim Murphy’s novel Christodora. Highly recommended.

What was your greatest musical discovery of 2016?

This should fairly be answered Hamilton, since it took me a while to decide I was ready to jump in even if I wasn’t sure when I’d get to see it. I’m in. All in.

What did you want and get?

To spoil my wife silly on her 40th birthday, including a slightly early trip back to Paris in honor of our first conversation being about her trip there on her 30th. I am traditionally the distant second place present-giver in our relationship, but I think I adequately stepped it up this time.

What did you want and not get?

For our happiness to be as simple as finding the perfect present. A country I felt confident loved us back. My dog to feel as peaceful and calm and quiet as she does when she’s not in Los Angeles. For all the words and thoughts inside my brain to magically appear on a screen or the page without having to find the time or peace to make sense of them.

What was your favorite film of this year?

I did vow to do a better job of seeing films this year, especially big ones that I needed to consider how much work-time to devote coverage to, so maybe that’s why I feel like I have a surprisingly strong, solid list here to choose from. I don’t think I saw Spotlight until 2016, when I watched it back to back on a plane before All the President’s Men. (Don’t yell but: Spotlight was better.) I absolutely loved Arrival and Loving. I don’t plan to give into the weird backlash cynicism about La La Land, which I found delightful if not exactly epic.

Ultimately I think my answer here is that Moonlight and Hell or High Water touched my soul and heart and made me think the most. They are both, in distinctly different ways, about the deep, lasting curse of poverty. In Hell or High Water, Chris Pine’s character eventually offers this terse motivation for a deadly bank robbing spree he has undertaken with his brother: “I’ve been poor my whole life, like a disease passing from generation to generation. But not my boys, not anymore.”

For whatever reason, I’m thinking now about how some people have compared Moonlight to Brokeback Mountain. (I would have compared the latter to Loving, actually, in that they both turn very much on the passionate decisions of reticent white men acting on emotions they cannot figure out how to name.) I guess what people are saying is that Moonlight is also a groundbreaking film about sexuality, but to me what was always missed about Brokeback is that it was a film about a poor man’s sexuality. 

Moonlight very pointedly creates a new possible dialogue to model in conversations about being black and queer - when asked what a faggot is, Chiron is told, “‘Faggot’ is a word used to make gay people feel bad.” And it asks an even harder question: can sexuality and our expression of it ever be separated from the sheer human need to survive other, perhaps unrelated or perhaps more complicated and threatening circumstances of race and class?

I guess I had some things to say about movies this year. 

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 39, and one of the only long form pieces I wrote this year actually covers that territory too! 

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Sigh. A Clinton presidency. That’s not one thing, it’s a million, but that’s the goddamned point, isn’t it?

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?

Last year I said: I’m damned determined for 2016 to be the year of the lipstick.

And actually I did pretty well on that count. Also I bought some impressively ridiculous over-the-knee boots that I’ve worn almost every day since. 

What kept you sane?

Was I? I still feel pretty unhinged, honestly. My staff and colleagues were actually a consistent source of stability even when there were major changes in that world, too. (Part of CBS basically sold us to a different part of CBS.) 

But each and every day: my wife. This marriage is the best and most important thing I will ever do in my life, and whatever “work” it may be, it pays back in sustaining my existence a hundredfold. Coming soon, allegedly: a podcast and/or Insta live series with me and @yayponies called Marriage Is Hard. (No it’s not.)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Oh hey, I finally got to introduce my wife to Chris Pine when we bumped into him at the reception after the Loving premiere/screening. (Sorry-not-sorry for the utter LAness of that sentence.) I kind of hate reintroducing myself to people I interviewed years before, but in this case: worth every moment of internal awkwardness. He has very strong feelings about cinematography, you guys. And projectionists. And cheesy grits.

What political issue stirred you the most?

I am sickened by the fact that young trans and gender-nonconforming folks are bearing the brunt of the right-wing’s latest scare and hate tactics. I am not scared for my marriage headed into a new administration; I am terrified for their lives. 

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

America. All of us.

Who did you miss?

I miss...people. I miss Sunday potluck dinners like Ray and I threw in college, the kind that were just about people having a safe space but then really about organizing, but I’m still not sure how to create those in our lives right now in a way that doesn’t create more anxiety for us than it relieves. I’m putting this here in hopes some other folks might have an idea. Maybe I’ll even be bold enough to put it in its own post. 

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.

"I’VE BEEN PLANNING WHILE YOU’RE PLAYING.” -- Jenny Holzer

We saw this at the Broad. Jessica did a better job of writing about it.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Raise a glass to freedom Something they can never take away No matter what they tell you Raise a glass to the four of us Tomorrow there’ll be more of us

What is one photo that represents a moment you want to remember?

Here we are on an impossibly beautiful day in Paris after one of the best meals of my life, grinning like fools and taking photos that don’t even look real. 

even as we were taking this photo I knew it would look super fake. but it's not! I mean that palm tree was definitely brought in special but it was there when we went to pick up our bibs. oh yeah, we're running a 6k-but-probably-more-like-8k through the streets of Paris tomorrow along with about 35,000 other women. (and by running I mean trying not to fall too far behind the pack.) #laparisienne

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30 Movies Worth Watching in Seattle This Weekend: Nov 15-18, 2018

Widows is a damn fun thriller from an artsy director.

You’ve got many options for movie thrills this weekend, from Steve McQueen’s spectacularly cast Widows to the creepy/comedic classic Beetlejuice. For artsier fare, don’t miss Frederick Wiseman’s new documentary on small-town America, Monrovia, Indiana. Follow the links below to see complete showtimes, tickets, and trailers for all of our critics’ picks, and, if you’re looking for even more options, check out our film events calendar and complete movie times listings.

Stay in the know! Get all this and more on the free Stranger Things To Do mobile app (available for iOS and Android), or delivered to your inbox.

Beautiful Boy I’ve never been a parent or a junkie (yet!), but I found a lot that resonated in Beautiful Boy, a low-key film based on a pair of interconnected memoirs from father and son David and Nicolas Sheff. David (Steve Carell) chews himself up over son Nic’s (Timothée Chalamet) spiral into meth and heroin addiction, asking what he could have done to prevent it and wondering how he can fix it. Nic, meanwhile, copes with not only his body’s betrayal but with the disappointment he feels, both self-directed and from his patient, confused father. From Beautiful Boy’s perspective, Nic is really only guilty of having a curious mind, while David, a good father in every recognizable way, might have simply waited too long to show his beloved son some tough love. The performances make the whole thing sing. Carell and Chalamet both do expectedly good work, and they’re matched by Amy Ryan as Nic’s mother and Maura Tierney as his stepmother. Beautiful Boy is driven by the real-life horror of watching a loved one succumb to drugs, but it’s a family drama devoid of most of the genre’s manipulative qualities, substituting them with honesty, empathy, and fully drawn human beings. NED LANNAMANN Meridian 16 (Regal) & Oak Tree

Beetlejuice Newly dead Adam and Barbara Maitland aren’t down with the Deets family, who moved into the couple’s home after their unfortunate passing and don’t seem at all phased by the Maitlands’ attempts at scaring them out of it. Enter rotten, pervy Betelgeuse (“Beetlejuice”), who sells himself as a bio-exorcist capable of getting rid of their living pests, though he turns out to be a dangerous nuisance who’s more trouble than he’s worth. Tim Burton’s first film (and my first Tim Burton film, too) is on-point with vibrantly weird visuals, quick-witted comedy, and strong before-they-were-big-stars performances from (goddamn he looks young) Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis (extra dimply, woman-next-door funny), a teenage gothed-out Winona Ryder, and Michael Keaton at his comedic one-liner-throwing best—like, has he ever been this good? It’s bizarre yet delightful and still tons of fun three decades later. Even the dated special effects retain their charm. LEILANI POLK Central Cinema Friday–Sunday

Bohemian Rhapsody I heart Queen. The song this film is named for was on the soundtrack of my youth. But early reactions to the film biopic (that’s more about Freddie Mercury than the British rock band he led) have been mixed to bad. The New York Times’ Kyle Buchanan tweeted that Bohemian Rhapsody “is a glorified Wikipedia entry but Rami Malek plays Freddie Mercury (and wears his wonderful costumes) with incredible gusto.” Our own Chase Burns was not a fan at all. (“The 15-minute long shit I took during the middle of the movie was more nuanced than the straight-washed hagiography peddled in that movie theater.”) In sum, enter at your own risk. LEILANI POLK Various locations

Boy Erased This film features the most prolific twinks of our time: Troye Sivan, Lucas Hedges, and Nicole Kidman. These three gays will dazzle the screen in this year’s most star-studded gay flick—oh wait, Troye Sivan is the only gay among them. Lucas Hedges has said he’s “not totally straight, but also not gay and not necessarily bisexual,” and Nicole Kidman, despite being the world’s most famous twink, is surprisingly a 51-year-old Australian woman. While think pieces on Hedges’s sexuality will probably dominate the conversation around Boy Erased, it looks like a cute holiday movie about gay conversion therapy. Go see it! CHASE BURNS SIFF Cinema Uptown & Meridian 16

Can You Ever Forgive Me? In Can You Ever Forgive Me?, Melissa McCarthy stars as real-life best-selling biographer Lee Israel. But this isn’t a life of literary glitz and glamour that you’re imagining after such a juicy introductory sentence! After falling on hard biographer times, Israel turned to a life of writerly crimes, forging letters from long-dead authors to make just enough cash to pay her rent, take her cat to the vet, and aggressively drink. This all sounds sad, I know, but there’s warmth underneath, thanks to Israel’s friendship with the charming, equally self-destructive Jack Hock (Richard E. Grant). McCarthy, who’s made a career of portraying loud women, is a different kind of jerk here—a real person who lashes out not for laughs, but because life is hard and she knows she’s making bad choices. ELINOR JONES SIFF Cinema Egyptian & AMC Seattle 10

Cinema Italian Style The Cinema Italian Style is a weeklong SIFF mini-festival featuring the best in contemporary Italian cinema. This final day, watch Euphoria, about two very different brothers who come together in difficult circumstances. SIFF Cinema Uptown Thursday only

Dr. Seuss’s The Grinch If you’ve ever wondered how the jammy vocals of Benedict Cumberbatch would sound coming from a neon-green Seussian monstrosity, you have your chance in this visit to Whoville. This time, the Grinch has a doggy sidekick named Max. Angela Lansbury voices the Mayor and Rashida Jones does Donna Lou Who. Various locations

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Twee hunter Newt Scamander returns for more J.K. Rowling-inspired exploits. Of the previous Fantastic Beasts film, critic Bobby Roberts wrote: “It is eager to please and amaze, but undersells its spectacle until that spectacle becomes perfunctory. It milks sentiment drier than the Arizona desert Newt’s trying to get to. It’s a goofy blast of kid-lit in love with Looney Tunes-inspired adventure—except when it’s a sour metaphor for child abuse and intolerance that owes one hell of a debt to Stephen King’s famous prom queen.” The new one has Johnny Depp as the titular dark wizard. Various locations

First Man The space stuff is great. When La La Land director Damien Chazelle’s biopic about Neil Armstrong focuses on NASA’s insanely ambitious and dangerous plan to put a man on the moon, it thrums with thrill and threat—from the astonishing scope of space to the claustrophobic confines of the command module, the best parts of First Man are worth experiencing on the biggest screen possible. Ryan Gosling offers an excellent turn as Armstrong, but even Gosling can’t liven up the story’s more pedestrian elements, which largely involve Armstrong’s relationship with his wife (Claire Foy) and his stoic mourning of his daughter. First Man bears the familiar curse of the biopic—it somehow feels both overlong and unsatisfying—and never quite escapes the shadow of The Right Stuff, Philip Kaufman’s remarkable 1983 film that told a similar story with more grace and smarts. Still: the space stuff is great. ERIK HENRIKSEN Meridian 16 & AMC Pacific Place

Free Solo This highly praised, dizzying documentary reveals the heart-stopping journey of Alex Honnold as he conquered Yosemite’s El Capitan wall without ropes or safety gear. You don’t need to be a climber to be thrilled at this glimpse into human accomplishment. Various locations

Hep Cats Cats in movies have symbolized everything from elegance to curiosity to evil, but sometimes they are simply their wonderful selves. Hep Cats delivers a handful of these ailurophilic flicks, like Harry and Tonto, a charming road movie about a man and his cat forced to leave their Upper West Side apartment. It stars Art Carney, who won an Oscar for the role. JOULE ZELMAN Northwest Film Forum Saturday only

HUMP! Film Festival The 14th Annual HUMP! Film Festival, the world’s biggest and best porn short film festival, premiers in Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco this November! After the opening festival concludes its run, HUMP! will hit the road in 2019 and screen in more than 50 cities across the U.S. and Canada. HUMP! invites filmmakers, animators, songwriters, porn-star wannabes, kinksters, vanilla folks, YOU, and other creative types to make short porn films—five minutes max—for HUMP! The HUMP! Film Festival screens in theaters and nothing is ever released online. HUMP! films can be hardcore, softcore, live action, animated, kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, lez, bi, trans, genderqueer—anything goes at HUMP! (Well, almost anything: No poop, no animals, no minors, no MAGA hats.) DAN SAVAGE On the Boards

Meow Wolf The adorably named Santa Fe artist collective Meow Wolf caught the fancy of George R.R. Martin, who helped them take over a disused bowling alley for an epic art exhibition. But success comes with its own struggles. Enter their world and find delirious, DIY inspiration. Northwest Film Forum Thursday only

Mid90s Mid90s tells the story of 13-year-old Stevie (Sunny Suljic) who, after he’s rejected and bullied by his older brother Ian (Lucas Hedges), finds new role models in a crew of skaters led by the wise and magnanimous Ray (Na-kel Smith). Stevie’s willingness to repeatedly fall on hard concrete as he tries to maneuver a skateboard that looks half his height endears him to his newfound friends. The resultant feelings—and the film’s title—places Mid90s squarely in Hill’s nostalgic memory, where he both dramatizes and idealizes the kids’ adventures. SUZETTE SMITH Various locations

Monrovia, Illinois The amazingly prolific documentarian Frederick Wiseman (Ex Libris, In Jackson Heights, National Gallery, and 40 more films!) explores a tiny American hamlet steeped in old farming traditions and periodic ceremonies, like church services, Town Council meetings, Freemason rituals, weddings, and funerals. Northwest Film Forum Friday–Sunday

Mystery Train Exactly one year ago, I was walking down a street in Memphis, Tennessee, when I had what is known as a Proustian experience (or what literary critics call an “involuntary memory”). But in Proust’s novel Remembrance of Things Past, the involuntary memory sends the narrator, Marcel, to a town he visited as a boy (Combray). My memory, which was triggered by crossing a street, sent me to a film, Jim Jarmusch’s Mystery Train, which is set in Memphis and concerns young Japanese lovers who are obsessed with American popular culture. The couple walks around Memphis a lot. And while I walked around Memphis, I found myself walking, not through my Memphis, but theirs. This movie does not have much of a plot. CHARLES MUDEDE Grand Illusion Thursday only

Narcissister Organ Player The feminist body-shocker Narcissister, who carries out her performance art mostly naked and masked, muses on her Moroccan, Jewish, and African American roots and her intense relationship with her mother in this absurdist, experimental documentary. Northwest Film Forum

Night Heat They proliferated in anxious postwar America and still occasionally return to brood and smolder onscreen: films noirs, born of the chiaroscuro influence of immigrant German directors and the pressure of unique American fears. Once again, the museum will screen nine hard-boiled, moody crime classics like this week’s Night of the Hunter, one of the most unusual and thrilling films ever to come out of Hollywood. The veteran actor Charles Laughton took inspiration from the stylistic extremity of German Expressionism to film this hallucinatory tale of a psychotic preacher pursuing two young children who know he’s murdered their mother. Clear your Thursday night schedule for this one. Seattle Art Museum Thursday only

Night on Earth Five cabbies and five passengers around the globe share funny, weird, and intimate moments in Jim Jarmusch’s quirky classic—a little inconsequential, but charming and beautifully acted. Thanks to Roberto Benigni’s performance, you’ll never look at a pumpkin quite the same way again. Grand Illusion Thursday only

The Old Man and the Gun Based on a true story, the latest from David Lowery (Ain’t Them Bodies Saints) reteams the filmmaker with Robert Redford, who plays Forrest Tucker, the charming, handsome leader of a trio of geriatric bank robbers. Forrest’s partners in crime are Teddy (Danny Glover) and Waller (a fantastic Tom Waits). Like one of Forrest’s disarmingly polite robberies, The Old Man and the Gun starts out pleasant and sweet before revealing hints of darkness—each of these characters is deeper than they first appear, and one’s never quite sure what any of them are going to do next. Lowery is happy to tag along, capturing lives that are polished by time and dented by experience but remain bright and sharp with wit and passion. Watching Redford have this much fun is, as always, a goddamn delight. ERIK HENRIKSEN Admiral Theater

Overlord While carrying out a vital pre-D-Day mission, a ragtag bunch of American Dogfaces stumble across a small French village that’s just packed to the rafters with secret Gestapo experiments. (Note: In what may be a controversial move in this day and age, the Nazis are unequivocally depicted as the Bad Guys.) Genre mashups are often content to rest on their high-concept laurels, but this J.J. Abrams production is very willing to do the grunt work, solidly establishing its war movie bonafides—an early paratrooper sequence is genuinely alarming—before transitioning into full-tilt body horror. (This is an extremely moist movie.) If this sounds even remotely like your sort of thing, Overlord’s combination of heavy artillery and horrid creatures should prove to be pretty irresistible. When it comes to B-Movies, nasty, brutish, and short all count as positive traits. ANDREW WRIGHT Various locations

Ponyo You can pretty much guarantee that anything with Hayao Miyazaki’s name attached to it will be superbly wrought, fantastically animated, and delivered with a fine dose of poignant storytelling. He has left a fine legacy of films in his (no longer retired, for now) wake, including Ponyo, which has its 10-year anniversary this year and is being celebrated in a series of screening events across the country. This anime fantasy is loosely based on The Little Mermaid (Hans Christian Andersen’s version, not Disney’s), about an austere, potentially malevolent warlock/sea king whose young amphibious daughter runs (swims) away from her home. Sosuke, the little boy who scoops her from the waves, believes she’s a goldfish, names her Ponyo, and introduces her to a small slice of his world before her father finds her and brings her back to their underwater kingdom. But Ponyo’s taste of food and friendship fuels her next escape, setting off a chain of events that will change her (and Sosuke) forever. This film gets me choked up every time. LEILANI POLK SIFF Cinema Egyptian Saturday only

Prospect Is this the first major work of Northwest science fiction? Indeed, it imagines a moon that is like the evergreen forests that surround Seattle. The whole planet is green—gothic green. And the light on this strange moon is sharply slanted like Northwest light. The superb film is about prospectors (a father and daughter) looking for a root-made gem that will make them rich. The daughter, however, is keen to get off the planet because the line to it is about to be shut down. But her father is money-mad. If he does not make it here, he will never make it anywhere in the galaxy. Translucent insects float through the air. There are other money-mad prospectors in the endless forest. You do not leave this planet without paying a big price. Money is the root of all evil. CHARLES MUDEDE Meridian 16

Sadie The latest from local filmmaker Megan Griffiths (Lucky Them, Eden) has a perfect Northwest feel. Sadie is 13 and lives with her mother in a dilapidated trailer park. Sadie worships her absent father while being impossible with her harried mother. She is smart and precocious, trying to come to an understanding of how the world works, but the adults around her have their own problems. The film shows the way adults communicate with kids, never talking to them directly, trying to fool the kid and themselves. This leaves young people with half-ass ideas, and they run with them without really understanding the situation, with mixed results. The film has a great cast: The wonderful Melanie Lynskey plays the mom, with Sophia Mitri Schloss as Sadie. GILLIAN ANDERSON SIFF Cinema Uptown Sunday only

Seattle Turkish Film Festival The Turkish American Cultural Association of Washington will present the sixth annual edition of their community-driven, volunteer-led festival featuring a rich panorama of new Turkish films. For the final weekend, check out Something Useful, an intense drama about two women, one of whom has a grim mission, who meet on the train; The Legend of the Ugly King, about the Kurdish actor/director Yilmaz Güney; and Taksim Hold’em, about a man determined to play his weekly poker game despite the massive anti-government protests taking place outside. SIFF Film Center Friday–Saturday

SHRIEK!: Thirst The class focusing on women and minorities in horror is back with a screening and discussion of Park Chan-wook’s Thirst, about a saintly Catholic priest transformed into an insatiable blood-drinker and sex fiend by a risky medical experiment. Here’s an excerpt from the review Lindy West wrote at its release: “Thirst is a horror movie, albeit a silly one. Actual scares are few to none—instead, Sang-hyun’s painfully earnest consternation at trying to live as an ethical monster (losing his priestly virginity, daintily sipping a comatose man’s blood straight from the IV) make it a funny, cartoonish, and strangely sweet fable about ethics versus instincts: ‘Is it a sin for a fox to eat a chicken?’ Unfortunately, Thirst drags on for a punishing gazillion hours—ethical monster shacks up with manipulative harpy and the complications pile up like bodies (because, you know, they literally are bodies)—and you feel like you’ll never see your home or your mom or the precious golden sun again.” It might not be the most positive of reviews, but you’re guaranteed to get a good discussion out of it with organizers Evan J. Peterson and Heather Marie Bartels. Naked City Brewery Sunday only

Suspiria Call Me by Your Name director Luca Guadagnino’s reinterpretation of Argento’s film Suspiria is a precisely choreographed mindfuck, and progressing through the film’s six acts feels like peeling off layers of an onion until you reach the reeking core. It’s swift, brutal, and breathtaking, but it’s also frequently bogged down by overcomplicated subplots and distracting details. The original premise remains the same—ancient ballerina witches trying to live forever by sacrificing students—but this time around, the Markos Dance Academy is located right next to the Berlin Wall in post-World War II Germany, and Susie Bannion (a very meh Dakota Johnson) is a runaway Mennonite from Ohio. Whatever parallels Guadagnino hoped to draw between the traumatic aftermath of the Holocaust and the bloody chaos going on inside the coven ends up feeling more confusing than profound. CIARA DOLAN AMC Pacific Place & SIFF Cinema Uptown

A Star Is Born If you’re entering the theatre simply desiring a couple solid musical numbers, then your $15 will not have been spent in vain. Unfortunately, the movie falls flat as only a two-dimensional vignette of common misogyny can. Ally, the lead character played by Lady Gaga, is a woman who knows she has talent but needs to hear that she is sufficiently pretty to be an appropriate vehicle for said talent. Like any woman vying for a piece of the proverbial pie, she is just one man away from success. One man to lead her, to mold her, to push her through to the finish line. This man-shaped void is filled by her father, her husband, her manager, her producer, her choreographer, and her photographer, all of whom take credit or receive credit from other men for her creative output and appearance. A Star Is Born is a classic tale, meant to be mutable, fluid, to adapt within each age it is reimagined. But the flaws of the inherent narrative are too real, too every-day damaging to continue being told in the form of a cinematic fantasy. KIM SELLING Various locations

Voyeur Presents ‘The Prowler’ The November edition of VOYEUR brings “one of the bleakest noirs ever made,” Joseph Losey’s The Prowler, about a man who’s determined to get what he feels society owes him—an unhappily married woman played by Evelyn Keyes. Scarecrow Sunday only

Widows Arriving a week before Thanksgiving, Widows is an overflowing plateful of entertainment, piled high with juicy plot, buttery performances, and plenty of sweet genre pie. It’s a mash-up of pulp and prestige that shouldn’t work well on paper but plays out tremendously well on-screen. Director Steve McQueen (12 Years a Slave, Shame) cowrote the twisty script with novelist Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl, Sharp Objects), and while the interconnected webs of Chicago’s crime underworld and its racially charged local politics contain more than enough intrigue, the performances are what’ll grab you. I mean, just look at this cast: Harry (Liam Neeson) leads a crew of career criminals (including Jon Bernthal and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo) in a heist that goes disastrously wrong, leaving their widows Veronica (Viola Davis), Linda (Michelle Rodriguez), and Alice (Elizabeth Debicki) with a serious problem when crime boss Jamal Manning (Brian Tyree Henry) and his enforcer brother Jatemme (Daniel Kaluuya) demand they return the stolen money. The real fun is watching McQueen, Flynn, and this ridiculously large talent pool of actors lay the groundwork for a slick, rich, tantalizing thriller, and then connecting all the dots. NED LANNAMANN Various locations

Also Playing: Our critics don’t recommend these movies, but you might like to know about them anyway.

The Girl in the Spider’s Web

Instant Family

Nobody’s Fool

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

Venom

Stay in the know! Get all this and more on the free Stranger Things To Do mobile app (available for iOS and Android), or delivered to your inbox.

Source: https://www.thestranger.com/things-to-do/2018/11/15/35633515/30-movies-worth-watching-in-seattle-this-weekend-nov-15-18-2018

[demitgibbs]

Troye Sivan Talks Finding Power in Femininity, Unhibited Second Album

Nobody is stopping Troye Sivan except for maybe Troye Sivan. No queer-averse label bosses, no identity-stifling pressure to be anything but who he is: the LGBTQ community’s precious paradigm of unapologetic, unicornian queerness.

But even with the YouTube-launched pop fixture’s steady mainstream rise, with assists from Ariana Grande on a single featured on his sophomore album, Bloom, and a live duet at a recent Taylor Swift concert, the 23-year-old’s follow-up to 2015’s Blue Neighborhood refuses to sacrifice self for commercialism.

And he won’t stop there this time, not during this album cycle (or ever): In the seductive video for the album’s first single, “My My My!,” Sivan works a room doused in the carnal grit and flashing lights of a gay bar’s seedy backroom – and also an entire street – in a blistering heat as hot as the shirtless guys feeding his desire.

He’s coy about its subject matter, but Sivan wrote an entire song about bottoming too.

I tell the South African-born, Australian-reared Sivan that “Bloom,” notably an official single, is the perfect Monday song to crank on your way to work, or at a family gathering. Its gay-sex specificity perhaps lost on heterosexuals, the anthemic send-up is concurrently a love song and the most liberating of queer secrets. Giggling, he tells me, “That was the goal.”

Elsewhere, the celebratory, spirited and brazenly gay Bloom turns the page on Sivan’s youth, which was cast with wistfulness and, admittedly, tentativeness on Blue Neighborhood, his first Capitol Records album. That same sentimental lilt – but now, with winks – also marks his burgeoning adult years captured on Bloom: losing his virginity to an older man during a Grindr hookup (the dreamlike, fraught-with-realness “Seventeen”); recognizing he’s failed his better half (the tender and winsome “The Good Side”); and a strutting, newfound sexual liberation, with “Bloom” and “My My My!”

Sivan’s transparency is hardwired: He truly can’t be anything but himself. This is clear on Bloom, but holds true during conversation, as Sivan talks about deriving power from femininity, working through residual queer issues, and dealing with the fear of shooting “My My My!” with a crew of dudes bigger than him.

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Did you imagine you’d be answering all these questions about sex after “Bloom” was unleashed into the world?

No way. Honestly, I never would’ve thought I would have written that song. That song came out of a session that I felt wasn’t going too well. It was me and my best friend (and producer) Leland, us being like, “OK, well how do we make the most of this day? Let’s just start messing around and having fun.” And we wrote it that night – never, ever thought that it would see the light of day. We ended up with something that I thought was really, really cool and interesting and real.

Mainstream culture has come around to same-sex love, but gay sex is still taboo. Does your frankness about gay sex on this album feel radical or political?

Not really. I wanted to make music for people like me. The first album I was conscious of trying to keep things really digestible for as many people as possible. This time around I had a different set of goals, which were to really, actually, accurately represent where I feel like I am in my life. And if it’s talking about going out and partying, or if it’s talking about staying at home and cooking in the kitchen – or if it’s talking about sex – whatever it is, I wanted a 20-year-old queer person to hear this and be like, “Oh yeah, this is, like, legit.” 

What influenced you to deliver something more queer-specific?

It was having all of these really inspiring experiences and meeting all of these really inspiring people. You know, whenever I start writing music, my number one goal, always, is to keep things honest and real, because I think it’s the only way to stay relevant and stay true over a long career. I wanna be doing this for the rest of my life, and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to be thinking about cool concepts and things like that for the rest of my life. But I’ll always be able to speak about where I am in my life, that’s always gonna be there. So I fall back on that, and I wanted to not hold anything back. It’s so cool to me to be able to celebrate all of those things I was celebrating in my real life. So, why not go for it and talk about that on the album?

When did the album’s more defiantly queer narrative begin to take shape artistically?

It was probably just the moment where I had immersed myself in the LGBTQ community. When I think about my real life, I have almost exclusively queer people around me in L.A. I’m living in this little bubble right now where I forget sometimes that it’s a thing and that there are, like, straight people in the world (laughs).

I’m sure that you’re reminded when you perform in small towns that aren’t like West Hollywood.

Right, exactly. And then I travel to somewhere like that or I’ll go home to Australia – or I’ll just read the news – and very quickly get reminded just how lucky I am and how specific my experience is. But my hope is that it’s an experience of hope for people, that they hear this and feel like, “Oh, that’s possible and I can go and live this happy and healthy and fulfilled, fun life.” And see that there is, 100 percent, another side to the world.

For some gay people, coming out doesn’t mean the personal battle has been won – there’s still overcoming sexual repression. I feel like you work through some of that on this album.

Probably, yeah. Totally. And I think just in general a lot of the residual issues that queer people deal with have also completely followed me into my older life, just internalized homophobia that I’ve held onto without meaning to from when I was, like, 13 or whatever. It’s like, “Oh no, you can’t talk about that or you can’t sing about that.” I’m doing my very, very best to actively throw all that away. It’s been really empowering.

What has been the most challenging part of navigating the music industry as an unapologetically out gay man?

Normal music industry stuff. I came into the industry at the perfect time for me, a time where people were willing to let me be who I am and say what I want and do what I want, so that’s been the biggest blessing. All that really leaves is just personal challenges of like, what do I want from my career? Am I making sure that I’m releasing the very best thing that I possibly can? And what’s inspiring to me? And do I want this to be a radio smash, and if I do, how am I gonna get there? Or do I just want this to be something that means something to people, and how am I gonna get there? It’s been fairly typical music industry stuff, which I feel really thankful for, because I think 10 years ago, it would’ve been a whole separate set of worries and issues that now feel much more intense than dire.

Is your goal to make gay radio smashes?

I actually don’t know. For me, I’ve walked this line between having a really young, active online audience – a similar audience that you would see at an Ariana Grande or Justin Bieber show – and then also wanting to do these really subversive queer pop songs. I think my approach to it is not thinking too much about what I want commercially, just letting things happen, making stuff that I like. Hopefully if I like it, somebody else is gonna like it.

When you performed “The Good Side” on SNL in January, I got lost in you getting lost in the song. For a performance like that, are you in the moment? Or does your mind tend to wander beyond the performance?

I’m mostly just in the moment. Sometimes I think about the lyrics. I try not to think about them too much because, like “Good Side,” it’s one of the most personal songs on the album and that can get kind of weird, being that vulnerable, so I try not to let myself go too deep into the hole. But in general, I’m just thinking about doing the song justice.

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You have a role in the forthcoming film Boy Erased, starring Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe as parents who send their child to a conversion-therapy camp. What about the film resonated with you? 

The script. I just couldn’t put the script down. It really tore at me. Then I read the book and started immersing myself as much as I possibly could in that world. My coming out experience – and the moment where I accepted my sexuality as something that I couldn’t change – was a weight off of my chest. This wasn’t for me to deal with; it was more for everyone else. I had come to the point where I had accepted it within myself, and then it was about navigating through the rest of the world: my family, my friends.

So, the thought of going to a program like the one in the film at that crucial, vulnerable moment and being told, “No, this is 100 percent back on you, and you’re filling a God-shaped hole in your life with these tendencies” was one of the most harmful and hurtful things that I can imagine. It’s been proven to be ineffective and extremely dangerous, and you’re signing these kids up for an impossible task. It really hit home and struck a chord with me, and I haven’t wanted anything as bad as I wanted this role in this movie, so I just auditioned and thankfully got the part.

Your sister once caught you in a vulnerable state, dancing to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.” When did you become comfortable with that kind of vulnerability on stage?

It’s still really new to me. I think the “My My My!” video was a huge step for me personally; that was a moment where I really had to actively pep talk myself into it. I knew that was the way I naturally wanted to move to the song, and that was the way the song made me feel, but that didn’t make it any easier to do in a big group of people – especially with burly cameramen! (Laughs) It was scary! But when I pushed through, I felt how amazing it felt. It felt so right, and now I have to retrain my brain a little bit to be able to do that on stage and to be able to do that in front of other people.

How do you get into that mental space?

It’s a really active decision that I have to make. I have to actually think about it and push through a lot of nerves and vulnerability. And, again, the only reason I do it is because it’s what feels right to me. That’s what I would do in private. So, why the hell not do it publicly, and celebrate that?

You were scared of your feminine attributes as a child. Can you tell me about your journey to embracing femininity? And when you do embrace it now, how it makes you feel?

I was really scared of it in my childhood, and it was something that I definitely tried to shy away from. Now, I celebrate it as such a source of power for myself. I feel so liberated and free, and I’m having fun. And femininity is magical. Who wouldn’t want to be feminine?

It took me a second to get to that point, but now that I’m here it’s so fun to be able to push through all of those worries. On the other side of that is such a liberated existence where you can just do whatever you want, and it’s just been a pleasure.

How would you compare where you were to where you are now?

It’s like night and day. It feels really artistically inspiring to me, really personally inspiring. And I’m just much happier.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/08/30/troye-sivan-talks-finding-power-in-femininity-unhibited-second-album/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/177553844055

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Many LGBTQ people have hilariously scary first crushes. This pop star is one of them.

I remember when I first realized, in straight-up gay horror, that I was different. Sitting by myself in a barber shop lounge, bored and fidgety, I’d reached for a Sports Illustrated (because Vogue and Vanity Fair were for girls, duh) and started flipping through while dad finished getting his hair trimmed.

Then, I landed on a spread that changed my life: an advertisement for underwear. Men’s underwear.

And I felt … lots of things.

Now, as an openly gay 29-year-old, that memory is pretty damn funny. Little gay me, feeling little gay stuff for the first time staring at a Sports Illustrated — in a barber shop lounge, of all places. The sit-com storyline writes itself.

But at the time, it was terrifying! I felt confused, worried — even a little disgusted with myself. Why was I feeling these weird, awful feelings? And how in the world can I make them stop?

Many LGBTQ people can relate to the confusing horrors of those first crushes — when you first discover you’re different. Pop star Troye Sivan is one of them.

Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Spotify.

The 22-year-old Australian recently opened up to Attitude about the traumatic experience he’d had fawning over a celebrity of the same gender.

“I remember I cried when I realized that I thought Zac Efron was really hot,” Sivan explained. “I cried and felt really sick.”

“It wasn’t, ‘This is just a little crush on a boy,’ or something like that,” he continued. “‘I’m not just interested in this boy, I think that he’s hot.’ And that was weird for me.”

Photo by Caroline McCredie/Getty Images.

Sivan and I aren’t alone: Petrifying puppy love can definitely be a thing for queer kids.

I texted a few of my gay friends to see if any of them had their own “barber shop” moment growing up, and most of them immediately shared an equally vivid memory.

For one of them, it was a famous actor’s … assets that did the trick.

“Pierce Brosnan’s butt in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair,'” read my friend’s suspiciously fast reply. He’d really enjoyed the sight, apparently, and remembers thinking afterward that “that wasn’t right.”

Another friend also had the glossy, retouched pages of a magazine to blame for their disorienting “aha” moment.

Oh, boy. Image via the author.

Another was mortified to learn he wasn’t envious of the taller guys at his all-boys high school — he wanted to date them. “I started realizing I’m not jealous, I’m attracted,” he wrote back, adding “lol” and a shrugging emoji.

Even my editor, who approved my writing this story, had her own scary first-crush experience: “No lie, mine was Miss Honey,” she said. “I crushed on Miss Honey from the movie ‘Matilda.'”

These first-crush experiences are hilarious to revisit as more confident LGBTQ adults. But it’s worth remembering how scared we were first feeling them all those years ago.

Living in a world still unwelcoming to LGBTQ people in many ways, closeted queer kids are more prone to a handful of serious mental health concerns, like depression and anxiety disorders.

Tragically, young LGBTQ people are far more likely to attempt suicide than their straight, cisgender peers too. They also make up a disproportionate number of homeless youth, with parental rejection being a driving force behind the discrepancy.

Adults need to get better at creating a world where every LGBTQ kid can have their first queer crushes — guilt-free and shamelessly.

Fortunately for Sivan, it all worked out pretty well.

“I … started doing my research; that was when I started to become a lot more comfortable [with being queer],” the pop star explained to Attitude. “I watched coming out videos on YouTube and heard people speaking about their experiences and realized that I wasn’t a freak.”

I wish I could tell little gay me in that barber shop that I wasn’t either.

If you’re a young LGBTQ person struggling with your sexuality or gender identity, friends at The Trevor Project can help.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/many-lgbtq-people-have-hilariously-scary-first-crushes-this-pop-star-is-one-of-them

from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2IDTryo via Viral News HQ

[popmusicu]

Music as a form of spreading awareness

One way of expressing thoughts and emotions is through art itself; music, dance, paintings, literature and more, but here i’ll be addressing the importance of transmitting a message through the lyrics of a song, specially when it comes to mental illnesses and social awareness nowadays. In my personal opinion I see music as a form of healing and a form of educating people that are not aware of topics that involve depression, sexual orientation, suicide, racism, poverty and more. Music has been an excellent platform to bring them out, sure thing it has helped people struggling with themselves and the society that surrounds them, but it has also exposed a little bit about who wrote the song, some musicians or lyricists take inspiration from other people’s stories, but most of them create songs based on true personal experiences, experiences that turn into something crucial and important for their listeners, audience and fans. The impact of music is so big that can change lives and deliver the message not only to a small group of people but to the whole world,especially teenagers of our society, who are still extremely pliant to the world around them.

Although we can see it through decades, i’m going to focus more on songs that have been released in the last few years. Starting from the topic of mental illnesses and suicide; this is really sensitive issue that wasn’t so acknowledge by people in the past decades, but we can find a lot of songs related to it, including additional explicit content such as drug addiction. The important thing is that in such times, it was common for some musicians to have some of their lyrics banned on TV or on radio stations, and we still face that situation though not as widespread as in the past. It’s 2017 and singers are using their music to spread awareness to the point of preventing suicide or participating in campaigns for different purposes, and this is more evident in music videos, which are another element that complements certain songs that are chosen as title track, this is the reason why they get to every continent and have the chance to speak up for the people that can’t speak for themselves. Disturbia by the famous pop singer Rihanna, is an example of how a catchy pop song that we may think has nothing to do with mental illness is just the opposite of our first impression. The lyrics narrates the state of mind of someone who suffers from anxiety and paranoia and it the music video we can see it materialized in the different characters that Rihanna plays through it. Certain verses explain it better such as “It's a thief in the night to come and grab you it can creep up inside you and consume you, a disease of the mind it can control you, it's too close for comfort”. Another example is Breaking Down by Florence + The Machine, it reflects a moment in life where depression is trying to forcing you to reach your breaking point, it is about feeling worthless and unsafe, with the need of help but too empty inside to ask for it. Depression it’s always there but you never know when it’s going to break you down again. The singer said in an interview, asked how did the song in particular come about, that Breaking Down “...was one of those songs that I just started humming and then the words came out. Often, I won’t know what I’m going to sing about until I actually step up to record, and you just have to follow this freeflowing train of thought -- these images of fear that you have as a child, something in the room, something for a child to fear, and then as an adult, that being there too as a creeping depression. It’s something quite sinister, but also something quite familiar. And I guess I just wanted to try and take that and turn it on its head, and make it something beautiful and uplifting as maybe a way to tackle it. It’s one of those sad songs with happy tunes”. Some verses of the song go “I think I'm breaking down all alone, even when I was a child i've always known there was something to be frightened of, you know that I can see you coming from the edge of the room, creeping in the streetlight”. In this case, the singer herself it’s also the writer of the song, which explains a previous comment made in the beginning of this work, that artists take inspiration from their experiences and the people who listen to them sometimes feel reflected or touched by the lyrics because it’s something that also happened to them. Furthermore, I have one more song related to depression and suicide, which is Til It Happens to You by Lady Gaga, another big pop star in these days. The song and the music video were really controversial and shocking to some because it shows all kinds of life changing events that end up in a trauma, especially sexual assault. It is really explicit in content and it shows adolescents and young adults being sexually harassed and raped, the ballad expresses the battle of victims that don’t know where to go and ask for help, victims who have lived in silence just because they think they’re alone and no one will believe them, and that’s why the end of the music video states this sentence: “One in five women will be sexually assaulted this year unless something changes”, adding a phone number for whoever feels threatened and wants to ask for help. Here again the singer has openly spoken about her personal life, saying that when she was only nineteen a record producer raped her, declaring and promising that all the income from sales will go to assault survivors.

We cannot remain aloof from the constant battle that the LGBT community has fought for decades and music has also been part of it, transmitting messages of hope, pride and support for those who have felt unsafe or abandoned by their loved ones. Even though it wasn’t so explicit in the 70’s or 80’s there were songs which discussed homosexuality or at least it was there to read between the lines. For example True Colors by Cindy Lauper, she didn’t help write the song but the songwriters who did it really create something that helped people accept themselves no matter what, besides Cindy, as a fact, started her True Colors Tour in 2007 as a way of supporting gay rights and fight against hate or prejudice towards them; she also released a track called Boy Blue, which Lauper wrote for her gay friend who got kicked out by his mother and died of AIDS at 27; he lived on the streets before leaving his house because his mother found that his father raped him, instead of staying with her child she kicked him out. In addition, considering the past few years, another big icon for the LGBT community has been Lady Gaga, who’s been supporting them from the beginning of her career, she wrote a song that’s called Born This Way, about love and equality that turned into a gay anthem for many people and helped other to come out and accept who they are. And if I have to talk a little about young singers and bands that have contributed to this, I would mention Troye Sivan, The 1975, Halsey, Years & Years, Sam Smith, Frank Ocean, Sia; all of them openly gay or bisexual and others have just stated their support to the community. Troye Sivan and Halsey have made music videos where they show the relationship between two men and two women, the first mentioned shows the struggling of two men being in love, one of them not being able to accept it because his father is against it and abuses him physically for being gay; the singer itself is gay and has turned into a big icon since 2016. The second one shows the relationship of two women, in the music video we can see them sharing love and affection physically, the singer is one of the protagonists of the video; the fact that youth embraces it and encourages their fanbase to not be afraid of who they are is something really important for young kids and teenagers who relate to the songs, the artists and the meaning of their words. Another great detail that caught my attention was how many emergent artists and the ones mentioned above have wrote their songs, specially love songs, with no specific pronoun; considering that songs sung by a man are frequently directed towards women and vice versa. For example the band Years & Years write their songs with no specific pronoun or if they have added a pronoun has been mostly “he” because the main singer is openly gay; same with the singer Syd, who uses a female pronoun in her songs, openly gay too.

Society is changing and one of the reasons why some people are not afraid of speaking up, especially young adults, is because music really helps people to embrace their realities, to look for help, meet other people that have been through the same and find a sort of peace. Yes, maybe music won’t solve the issue as a whole, but famous singers and songwriters can help with their exposure to spread awareness and call out those who contaminate the world with hate and ignorance. Songs are a way of educating people, an easy way to educate those who remain ignorant and a good way to comfort those who feel abandoned by the world. Whether it’s mainstream, pop, rock, indie or any genre, lyrics are important for us, who can relate to them and set our moods. There’s always a song for any of us, there’s always a message waiting for us to read it and listen to it.

                                                                                             Camila Pérez.

[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #48 - Troye Sivan’s Blue Neighbourhood

Hey, Just a little info before we start: If you're following my Twitter, you might have seen my little tweet from last Saturday about maybe filming the whole thing that I write on here and putting the video on YouTube. Well, I thought I'd have a very boring weekend, when I wrote that tweet. The weekend actually was great - but very busy. So… No video today. And since I'll probably be busy the next two weekends as well, I'll have to leave the YouTube thing for later. But who knows… Maybe in the future… There will be… #TMIishTuesday in video form? Anyway, enough of future sh*t, on with the present: Blue Neighbourhood! Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #48 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I talked about my experiences talking multiple languages in one conversation and/or with the same people. What is it like switching language pretty much half-topic? Which factors made it necessary or desirable to switch languages? Find out in #TMIishTuesday no. 47. // Talking about languages: Did I mention that of all the four languages I speak/studied, I like English best? I don't really know why… But surely, my fondness for the English language also plays a role in the reason why I write this post. Troye Sivan released his album Blue Neighbourhood in fall 2015, but I kinda only really got into it after he released Heaven as a single. But first things first: Let's introduce Troye cause I'm assuming, there's at least one person reading this, who doesn't know who he is (Hi Lukas :D) - and maybe more. Troye Sivan is a 21-year-old  Australian singer/songwriter/YouTuber/actor allrounder. Started off playing young Wolverine in the 2009 X-Men film, went on to make videos, squeezing in a song every now and then. Released his first small EP called TRXYE and a single, Happy Little Pill in 2014 which immediately crashed into the charts around the world - due to his YouTube prominence. He then went on to release a full EP called Blue Neighbourhood in late 2015. And as you can tell by the title, this is exactly what this #TMIishTuesday is about! As you can read in my coming out chronology that I posted in September, I subscribed to Troye in 2013. Since, I've watched pretty much every video he uploaded. Vlog-like videos at first and some cover songs in between. When he announced his first EP in 2014, I remember being skeptical. But I just loved the Happy Little Pill song, so I bought it. Fun fact: Contrary to my expectations, my mum liked the song as well. :D In fall 2015, step by step, Troye uploaded the Blue Neighbourhood trilogy: The three part series of music videos to Wild, Fools, and Talk Me Down that tell the story of a young love that does not succeed due to… let's say... "parental issues"? Anyway, the trilogy is great. Check it out! (At the time I only could watch the videos in the Netherlands, now that GEMA and YouTube finally found a compromise, it's also available in Germany - yeey!) This trilogy - and the music itself - made me want to get these songs. So that's what I did. And I liked Youth too, so got those four songs. Only those four cause I wasn't quite convinced by the others. Those four, tho - ACE! I really digged every single one of them! And Youth was my favorite one. But that was it for more than a year. There were some videos of Troye performing live that actually made it to my sub box (battling this GEMA disgrace), but they still didn't make me crave more of his music. Until… Heaven. January 19, Heaven was uploaded to Troye's VEVO channel - a song featuring Betty Who. And it made me realise how much I liked Troye's music. And also the songs that I hadn't bought. So I went ahead and got the rest of the album, too. And, trying not to exaggerate, but I must have listened to nothing but those songs for the next 48 hours. Okay, some radio in the car - but for the rest: Blue Neighbourhood and Blue Neighbourhood only. It's been three weeks now. And there's hardly been a day that I didn't have a song of the album stuck in my head. I just dig the entire album now! Btw, have I made it clear already that I love that album? I love this album! Okay, seriously though. Let's try and make a top 5? 1. Too Good - The title is basically giving it away already: This song just is: Too good! Guitar sounds? In a Troye song? I was SO surprise at this! You know I'm a sucker for a good electric guitar in songs. Oh, AND a piano intro? Plus it's featured prominently throughout the entire song? I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG TO PIECES! 2. for him - That beat tho! Also: Cool lyrics! 3. Youth - Still up there. Pretty much from day one. Rather speedy song, very thoughtful breaks in the beat. Great lyrics as well. 4. Cool - Very catchy lyrics. Very catchy beat as well. Well done! 5. Fools - The piano intro - again! Thoughtful song, kinda depressing mood, but have you heard the chorus? Such a refreshing beat going on there! To be honest: It was f*ing hard ranking the songs! When I've rated 13 of the 16 on the album 5/5 and posted 8 of them as #mightygoodnighttune in 2017 already, that says a lot! :D And as of typing this (on Monday night), I haven't even posted Fools. That miiiiight change tonight - Update (Tuesday night): It didn’t. It was a close one tho. Anyway, I should stop now, else I'll just fanboy for hours and hours and hours. One last thing though: The lyrics of ALL the songs on Blue Neighbourhoud are written in a gender neutral way. You can't tell, which gender the person in the songs is addressing. That’s just amazing! When most songs are about love, it must have taken a lot of focus and hard work to get the lyrics like that. Shout out to you, Troye! Before I go, let me know you thoughts about Blue Neighbourhood. Do you like it? Do you like Troye’s music in general? What is your favorite song of the album? Tell me, I wanna know! Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Talking about tweets: Today’s TMIish Queer Shoutout is a single tweet. It's Sam Collins's tweet about his birthday from last week. It might just be two pictures of a rather happy guy captioned: "Samantha always told herself that she'd never make it to 21. She was right… but he did" But this tweet says A LOT about Sam. I don't know Sam personally and have only been following his YouTube and Twitter for 5-6 months. But knowing that Sam is trans*, this tweet gave me goose bumps as soon as I read it. It says so much about how trans* people feel. Caught in the wrong body, they are extremely unhappy, sometimes to the point of suicide fantasies. And from the stories he shared, I can tell that Sam was very unhappy, too. Then he decided to transition and go by "Sam" from then on. Now people in the streets see him as a man - and that gives him confidence. If you're interested in a channel that includes trans* topics, but definitely is not limited to it, check him out. As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: [Sorry, I’m too lazy now... It’s all in the post anyway :P]

Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/156639178932/tmiishtuesday-47-excuse-me-wat-zei-du - More #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on music: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/music - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com 

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Many LGBTQ people have hilariously scary first crushes. This pop star is one of them.

I remember when I first realized, in straight-up gay horror, that I was different. Sitting by myself in a barber shop lounge, bored and fidgety, I’d reached for a Sports Illustrated (because Vogue and Vanity Fair were for girls, duh) and started flipping through while dad finished getting his hair trimmed.

Then, I landed on a spread that changed my life: an advertisement for underwear. Men’s underwear.

And I felt … lots of things.

Now, as an openly gay 29-year-old, that memory is pretty damn funny. Little gay me, feeling little gay stuff for the first time staring at a Sports Illustrated — in a barber shop lounge, of all places. The sit-com storyline writes itself.

But at the time, it was terrifying! I felt confused, worried — even a little disgusted with myself. Why was I feeling these weird, awful feelings? And how in the world can I make them stop?

Many LGBTQ people can relate to the confusing horrors of those first crushes — when you first discover you’re different. Pop star Troye Sivan is one of them.

Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Spotify.

The 22-year-old Australian recently opened up to Attitude about the traumatic experience he’d had fawning over a celebrity of the same gender.

“I remember I cried when I realized that I thought Zac Efron was really hot,” Sivan explained. “I cried and felt really sick.”

“It wasn’t, ‘This is just a little crush on a boy,’ or something like that,” he continued. “‘I’m not just interested in this boy, I think that he’s hot.’ And that was weird for me.”

Photo by Caroline McCredie/Getty Images.

Sivan and I aren’t alone: Petrifying puppy love can definitely be a thing for queer kids.

I texted a few of my gay friends to see if any of them had their own “barber shop” moment growing up, and most of them immediately shared an equally vivid memory.

For one of them, it was a famous actor’s … assets that did the trick.

“Pierce Brosnan’s butt in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair,'” read my friend’s suspiciously fast reply. He’d really enjoyed the sight, apparently, and remembers thinking afterward that “that wasn’t right.”

Another friend also had the glossy, retouched pages of a magazine to blame for their disorienting “aha” moment.

Oh, boy. Image via the author.

Another was mortified to learn he wasn’t envious of the taller guys at his all-boys high school — he wanted to date them. “I started realizing I’m not jealous, I’m attracted,” he wrote back, adding “lol” and a shrugging emoji.

Even my editor, who approved my writing this story, had her own scary first-crush experience: “No lie, mine was Miss Honey,” she said. “I crushed on Miss Honey from the movie ‘Matilda.'”

These first-crush experiences are hilarious to revisit as more confident LGBTQ adults. But it’s worth remembering how scared we were first feeling them all those years ago.

Living in a world still unwelcoming to LGBTQ people in many ways, closeted queer kids are more prone to a handful of serious mental health concerns, like depression and anxiety disorders.

Tragically, young LGBTQ people are far more likely to attempt suicide than their straight, cisgender peers too. They also make up a disproportionate number of homeless youth, with parental rejection being a driving force behind the discrepancy.

Adults need to get better at creating a world where every LGBTQ kid can have their first queer crushes — guilt-free and shamelessly.

Fortunately for Sivan, it all worked out pretty well.

“I … started doing my research; that was when I started to become a lot more comfortable [with being queer],” the pop star explained to Attitude. “I watched coming out videos on YouTube and heard people speaking about their experiences and realized that I wasn’t a freak.”

I wish I could tell little gay me in that barber shop that I wasn’t either.

If you’re a young LGBTQ person struggling with your sexuality or gender identity, friends at The Trevor Project can help.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/many-lgbtq-people-have-hilariously-scary-first-crushes-this-pop-star-is-one-of-them

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