#when they all cried that one time after being told they wouldn’t be performing

[emeraldbabygirl]

Just got reminded of the videos of jungseung and hyunoh crying on live :( my heart 😭😭😭 I hate when my favs cry and suffer

[sooniebby]

ఌ 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

W.C › 12k

Warnings › bottom male reader. Reader is a bit immature. If you wanted an example of the bands music: Love Countdown vs Black Rose. Translations at the end. Some homophobia with a slur but very light. Unhinged OC, he’s crazy

Plot › This post I had but expanded.

Kinks › size difference, pain, possessive, lite spanking, toxic, dacryphilia, dubcon

Words to know › maknae (막내) — youngest. Hyung (형) — a term a younger male with call an older male. Jagiya/Jagi (자기야) — “sweetie/baby.” Seonbae (선배) — title of respect for someone in a higher position of you, usually work/school. Dongsaeng (동생) — little brother/sister, doesn’t have to be a biological sibling/can be a friend.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

안녕하세요, 러브카운다운입니다!

박도현

Leader, 1997, Bassist, main vocalist

신원식

1998, Guitarist, lead vocalist

유키

1999, Drummer

양준호

2000, keyboardist, lead vocalist

이영재

2002, guitarist, sub vocalist

초 (Name)

Maknae, (B.Year), guitarist, violinist, main vocalist

Festival performance this Friday at Yellow Wood University, 8 PM KST

A giddy grin spread on your lips as you looked at the social media post your company posted not even an hour ago. There were mainly positive comments, everyone excited to see you all live after listening to the debut album.

You debuted into Love Countdown just five months and your band was already getting love most bands would kill for.

Your music was certainly good but it did help most of your band mates were practically model material. Any type of fans were fine with you, even if all they cared about was one of your band mates abs.

The sound of the front door opening caught your attention as you exited out of Twitter and looked up. As with most groups, you lived in an apartment with your band mates. Lucky for you, your company wasn’t inhumane and forced six men to group in one small apartment.

You roomed with Junho and Young-Jae. While Dohyun, Yuki, and Won-Shik roomed together right next door.

“Hey, Hyung. You bought any dinner?” You asked, watching as Young-Jae only had to walk two steps to get into the kitchen. Hey, your company wasn’t that rich.

“Just pizza because I’m not buying your picky ass anything else ever again.” He said, placing it on the kitchen countertop. “Can’t believe you didn’t even attempt to eat the expensive Italian food I bought last time.”

“No one told you to buy me Italian food.” You rebutted, walking over to grab a slice.

“Ungrateful brat.”

“Love you too, Hyung.”

You grabbed two pizzas slices as Young-Jae put away the groceries he bought.

“Hey, is your violin tuned? Dohyun Hyung was on my ass because of what happened last time.”

Last time meaning you pulled out your violin to play a song from your album and it sounded like absolute shit. You were lucky the crowd found it cute and were just laughing as you hurriedly tried to tune the violin. The perks of being the cute maknae!

“Of course, I wouldn’t want Dohyun Hyung to spank you again.”

“He did not spank me, stop being weird.” Young-Jae rolled his eyes, reaching over to deliver a smack to the back your head. You cried out in pain as you glared at him.

“Do you know who else is playing at the festival? I didn’t pay attention when Manager Nayoung was talking.”

“Of course you didn’t. Mostly solo artists. I think a rock band is playing there… can’t remember their name. Starts… like uh…” Young-Jae sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Le..? No… Uh. Damn. It was something edgy.”

“Edgy?”

“Yeah. Their music is all rock and emo. The made the OST to that crime kdrama you watched. Seriously… their name isn’t long, why can’t I remember?”

“You’re getting old.”

Young-Jae looked up at you, his eyes narrowing. “Say that again?”

“What?”

“(Name)….”

“Hyung…”

You both stared at each other as a slight smirk pulled on your lips.

“You fucking……!”

“I’m home.”

The door opened just before Young-Jae could attack you. You shrieked and immediately ran to your savior, clinging to Junho. Junho was unfazed as he wrapped his free arm around your waist and tugged you close, closing the door with his foot.

“Pizza for dinner? Thanks.” Junho said, placing his bags down on the kitchen counter.

“Stop protecting that little shit, Hyung. I need to give him a spanking.” Young-Jae glared at you with a murderous intent in his eyes.

You giggled. “Oh~ so kinky Hyungie~! Should I pull my pants down?”

“You…!!!”

Junho maneuvered you away just as Young-Jae made an attempt to grab you. You wrapped your arm around Junho’s neck and grinned, sticking your tongue out at Young-Jae as a sign of victory.

“Hm, Junnie Hyung, do you know that emo band that’s playing at the festival this Friday?” You asked, looking up at Junho.

“Hm. Black Rose?”

Black Rose? Hm… Why did that sound familiar?

You were about to think more until your stomach growled.

Forget it. It’s probably nothing important anyway.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“Looking good boys. Your first ever festival performance. Let’s do great okay?! Fighting!” Manager Nayoung said as she patted you on the back.

You gave her a smile as you glanced at yourself in the mirror. There were hearts drawn over your nose, almost like freckles. Being the maknae meant you usually got the more cutesy makeup compared to the others.

Dohyun was always… more naked compared to everyone else. You glanced over at your leader and couldn’t help but stare at his ass. He was wearing a crop top with no sleeves, a waist chain and sinfully tight leather pants. You were almost jealous of his abs but also wanted to touch them again.

Your eyes flickered over to Young-Jae and you almost laughed to see him unabashedly staring right at Dohyun’s ass. You sauntered over to him and smacked his head.

“Hey, are you trying to burn a hole through his pants?” You whispered, snickering as Young-Jae’s face practically turned red.

“Shut it!” He weakly retorted, turning his attention to the mirror to fix his dyed red hair. “I was just looking at his outfit. The stylists love putting him tight clothing. What if he’s uncomfortable?”

You hummed. “Dohyun Hyung!”

“Hey—!”

“Yes,” Dohyun looked up from the book he was reading, smiling over at you. He had red lipstick with dark eyeliner that brought out the blue colored contacts he wore. He’s lucky he’s handsome, blue contacts just freak you out.

“Are you uncomfortable in your pants?”

“Hm, no? I won’t be moving much anyway.” He answered. “Why?”

“Just asking!”

You turned back around to see a furious Young-Jae staring at you. You only giggled. “See? He’s fine. You’re just enjoying his ass.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Hyungie~!”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you turned back to see Yuki behind you. He was wearing a more tamed version of Dohyun’s outfit with lighter makeup. “Some snacks I stole from the staff table.” He handed you a chocolate bar, a bag of chips, and a soda.

“What about me?” Young-Jae asked.

“What about you? Love you, (Name).” Yuki patted you on the head before walking away to join Junho on the couch. Favoritism. You loved being the maknae.

You smirked. “Maybe try being cuter. Then your hyungs will want to take care of you.”

“I’m going to smother you in your sleep.”

“Kinky~!”

Young-Jae rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the mirror, fixing his collar. “I’m not even sure why we’re dressed like this. Our concept isn’t this dark.”

“It’s just for the event. Manager Nayoung was telling me that the event organizers wanted a darker theme.”

“Our songs are literally all about being in love and being happy. We have no emo or rock songs.”

“Stop complaining. At least they still wanted us. We’re first for a reason. We just need to get everyone upbeat.”

You glanced over at Young-Jae, taking in his outfit. It was similar to yours. A white lace shirt with black detailing. Basic black slacks with combat boots. Except he had a choker while you had a necklace. The hearts across your nose were red, brightening your face in comparison to the dark eyeliner.

Won-Shik and Junho had similar outfits as well, an inverse of yours and Young-Jae. You preferred the more colorful clothing you wore during your regular performances but it is what it is. As you flicked at a lint on your cheek, the door to the dressing room opened.

“You’re going to preform in twenty minutes, boys. Get going!”

As your band mates got ready to set up their instruments, you saw the next band come in to get dressed. And to your horror, a familiar face walked right in.

Kim Ye-Jun.

You felt your heart drop to your ass as you stared at him. He didn’t seem to notice you at first, busy directing his band mates to get dressed. It wasn’t until he turned around that he froze at the sight of you.

“Let’s go, (Name)-Ah.” Young-Jae said, grabbing your arm as he began to pull you out of the room. Your gaze was still locked on Ye-Jun before you quickly turned away, the memories of him flooding your brain.

That fucking dick. He’s in that band?!

Shit. You wanted to delete their OST off your playlist stat. Why were they even playing at such a small event, they weren’t mainstream by any means but they were big in the band scene.

“Violin tuned?” Dohyun suddenly asked as you assumed your position, fixing the mic to your height.

“Yea. It’s tuned…”

“You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”

You wished he was a ghost.

“I’ll be fine. Just a little nervous.”

Dohyun took your word for it and simply patted you on the back, turning his attention back to his own mic. It only took a few minutes before the MC was announcing the band and the yells from the crowd increased.

You stood tall, clutching the guitar to your chest just as the lights shined on you all. Dohyun began his usual speech while you couldn’t help but smile at attention. A few girls were screaming your name!

Yuki tapped his drumsticks together before starting off the beat. You were only going to be performing five songs so you weren’t worried in the slightest. Of course you forgot you were the one that started this song off.

Despite the slight hiccup and Dohyun’s swift glare at you, you continued on, earning a few giggles from the crowd. As you played, you didn’t notice the pair of eyes watching you from the side of the stage.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“You were great, boys! I think you gained some new fans,” Nayoung said, handing each of you a bottle water. “Go get changed and enjoy the rest of the festival! Do anything to get fans.”

Won-Shik smirked as he wrapped his arm around your neck, “anything?” You grinned, rolling your eyes.

“Absolute not! Get your mind out of the gutter!” Nayoung yelled, glaring at Won-Shik. “Yuki, watch him! I don’t want a scandal before you’re even a year old yet! Matter of fact, stick with one other person.”

Young-Jae groaned. “Guess I’m stuck with you,” he said, glaring at you.

You smirked before glancing over at Dohyun as he began wiping off his makeup. “Well… Dohyun Hyung!”

“What do you—!”

“—Can you pair with Jae Hyung? I wanna hang out with Junnie Hyung!”

“You little—!!!”

“—Sure. You okay with spending time with me Jae-Ah? I don’t think I’ll be much fun.” Dohyun laughed, turning over to face you and Young-Jae. His makeup was smudge now—lipstick off completely. His eyes resembling deer eyes by how round they were. Boba eyes, that’s what Won-Shik called them once.

Because of how perverted you were, you couldn’t help but imagine if that’s how he would look after having sex.

A quick glance at Young-Jae told you he was thinking the same thing.

“C..Course, Hyung!! You’re great, amazing even! I mean… you’re great to hang out with… Yeah… I’ll go change.” Young-Jae grabbed his duffle bag and quickly sprinted to the bathroom.

“What’s with him?”

You shrugged, “Dunno. Maybe he has diarrhea.”

“Oh no… I’ll get him some tea.” Dohyun said, taking you seriously. Before you could even tell him it was a joke he already left the dressing room. You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose. He was so weirdly naive sometimes.

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you looked over to see Junho smiling at you. “You gonna change or go out like that?” He was already changed—dressed in a black t-shirt with washed out jeans. His styled hair purposely brushed out, now just a brown mop on his head.

“No, I’ll change. Wait for me, Hyungie!” You blew him a kiss that he quickly caught, laughing.

You and Junho seamlessly blended into the crowd of college students as a the next band began to play. Black Rose had already played while you were getting undressed so you ended up missing it.

You tried to ignore the odd feeling in your stomach at the disappointment you weren’t fast enough. But you didn’t care! You didn’t…

Certainly not.

“Shots?” Junho suddenly asked, leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder. You hummed in agreement. He left and was quick to come back with two shots. About an hour passed on you just listening to each act perform before the DJ came out and everyone started dancing.

The cool October breeze made you shiver as you felt Junho wrap his arms around you. You grinned and turned around to press your chest against him. Junho was not only taller than you but muscular in comparison—having worked out religiously with Dohyun and Won-Shik.

He was warm so you eagerly pressed as close as possible against him, burying your face in his chest. Junho simply swayed to the upbeat noise music. If the music wasn’t there, people would’ve assumed you both were slow dancing to a ballad.

“Feed me a shot?” You suddenly asked, tilting your head back.

“What are you, a baby?”

“Yup, your baby.”

Junho simply hummed as he used his free hand to grab your face, keeping it still as he slowly tipped the plastic cup’s rim against your lips. You squeezed at his shirt as the cool liquid rushed down your throat, causing you the cough once you swallowed.

“Wow… again!” You laughed, ignoring the judgmental look Junho gave you.

“You’re so weird, (Name)-Ah. I’ll be back, stay right here.” His hand trailed down your waist before he pulled away, poking you on the cheek as he walked away. You hummed and swayed slightly, feeling a bit buzzed from the amount of shots you took by now.

You subconsciously began to whisper the lyrics to one of your songs when a hand wrapped itself around your wrist. The words couldn’t even leave your mouth before you’re tugged away from the crowd. You whined and was about to scream when one of the street lamps illuminated your attacker.

Kim Ye-Jun.

A groan left your lips, no longer feeling the need to put up a fight. At least it’s not a saesang.

Ye-Jun dragged you all the way back go where the dressing room was. You assumed he was going to drag you in there but he suddenly took a sharp left turn and pulled open the storage closet, shoving you inside. A gasp left your lips as you bumped into the wall, groaning in pain.

Your eyes felt heavy, especially with the bright ceiling light shining down on you. “Seriously..? I was about to get another shot!”

He didn’t say anything, his eyes narrowing at you.

You bristled, standing up straight. “What?! I’m of legal age, dick. Anyway, I need to go back before my friends start worrying about me.” You moved to push past him but he grabbed your shoulder and slammed you right back against the wall.

The force knocked you sober as you stared at Ye-Jun in shock. “What.. What the fuck is your problem?!”

“I thought you wanted to be an Idol.” Ye-Jun suddenly said.

You tilted your head. “Wha..? The company thought I fit the band aesthetic better. Besides, I can’t dance well anyway. Why do you even care? You could’ve asked me this in front of everyone else..”

Ye-Jun stared at you for a moment, as if he was thinking about what to say. You took the moment to really take him in. He was taller than you, his buzz cut had grown out from university, though still short and spiky. A worn out leather jacket with a wife beater. Leather pants that hugged his thighs. Wow, he was working out.

You shook your head. Nope, you weren’t about to fall back into his arms. “Well, if you’re just gonna stare at me, you can follow our band’s instagram. I post on there. It’s TheRealLoveCountdown.”

A bitter laugh left Ye-Jun just as you were about to push him. You wanted to ask what’s his problem was when he surged forward and slammed his lips against yours. A strangled gasp left you and your hands quickly moved to push him away. But he was stronger, grabbing your wrists as he slammed them against the wall.

He kissed you hungrily, pressing his crotch against yours. You couldn’t help the soft moans that left your throat as he bit your lip. The pain sent a shockwave through your spine. His hands released your wrists and shoved themselves into your jeans.

“Kim Ye-Jun!” You managed to stutter out as you pulled away from the kiss. He paid you no mind, grabbing a fist full of your ass. An embarrassing whine left your lips as finger teased your hole.

“Why are you speaking respectfully?”

“Aren’t you my seonbae now? You debuted first.”

Ye-Jun looked down at you, his grip tightening on your ass. “Seonbae? I told you to call me Hyung.”

“You lost that privilege, Seonbae. We aren’t friends.”

“Mhm,” Ye-Jun hummed. “Yeah, you weren’t ever a friend. You’re mine.”

You shivered and felt your hips buck against his, your bulge rubbing against his own. Ye-Jun smirked as he pulled you, hands gripping your waist, as he turned you around. A grunt left you as you’re pushed against the wall.

The feeling of cool air touches your lower half before you can even complain. He pulled your fucking pants down. You gasped as he pried your ass open and you felt a puff of air tease your hole.

“You… Yah, what the hell do you think you’re doing, bastard?!”

The air stilled in the closet as your lips pressed into a tight thin line. Oh god. You really said that.

“Sae…kki…ya?” Ye-Jun whispered, his grip loosening on your skin. You were grateful that your back was facing him so you couldn’t see the face he must be making.

Young-Jae was right. You really needed to work on having a filter.

“I’m a son of a bitch? I’ll fucking show you a son of a bitch, Cho (Name).”

It was silent for a moment—you almost believed Ye-Jun was getting ready to leave when you felt two fingers shove themselves inside your hole. The fingers were slick so it wasn’t in there dry but the intrusions felt like it was the worst thing you could ever experience.

Ye-Jun waited for a moment before slowing flexing his index and pointer finger inside. You grunted and gripped at the wall for some type of purpose. What the hell was he looking for?

A guttural scream left your throat as his fingers rub against your prostate. You whimpered, rubbing your thighs together as you looked behind to try and get a look at Ye-Jun.

His head was down so you could only see his hair. He patted your ass before leaning forward and pressing his lips against your right ass cheek. It felt oddly sweet—it almost made you short circuit.

Until you felt teeth sinking into your skin.

“Fuck!” You cried out, pressing your head against the wall as his fingers began to repeatedly press against your prostate. His teeth felt sharp on your skin as if he was biting to break skin.

Ye-Jun didn’t allow you to breathe or take in the pleasure, pumping his fingers to attack and abuse your prostate. He moved to your left ass cheek and left a matching bite mark—you were sure that one broke skin.

You weren’t even sure how long it had been. Your legs were shaky as you had to use your hands to keep yourself help. The leaking from your dejectedly cock made you whimper at being unable to bring yourself to true pleasure.

There were bite marks not just on your ass but on your thighs. You had weakly tried to keep him off but he easily stopped you with a painfully slow rub against your prostate that sent you into a frenzy.

It was building—the tell tale sign of you reaching your peak. Your toes curled as you hiccuped. You didn’t even notice you were crying.

Just as you felt the orgasm coming to its peak… Ye-Jun pulled away.

You whined, looking back at him in shock as he wiped his fingers on your t-shirt. He looked unbothered as he fixed his clothes. His eyes flickered over to you when you made another pathetic whine to get his attention. It almost hurt to talk. He only smirked.

“You can take care of the rest, right?” He asked, his lips moving into a slight snarl as his eyes narrowed. “Or maybe call that band mate of yours. You were practically on his dick earlier.”

Your eyes widen as you watched him leave, slamming the door shut behind him. You slid down the wall and could only just sit there in pure shock.

The dryness of your throat was beginning to affect you as you reached down to pull your boxers up.

You just wanted to go home.

❝ 목이 메어 ❞

It had been two weeks since the “incident” and you had made a clear effort to never listen to Black Rose. You blocked them everywhere—going as far as to block them on your other members phones as well.

Yuki and Won-Shik didn’t seem to care that much.

Young-Jae called you insane.

While Junho and Dohyun were the only two that seemed worried about your behavior.

Which led to now. You were curled up on Dohyun’s bed as he sat at his desk, working on some lyrics for your comeback that was four months away. He always liked getting ahead in work. The band wouldn’t start recording until December. It was only November 3rd.

The lyrics were technically done and approved by the company but Dohyun was always a perfectionist so everyone had let him be at this point.

Junho was beside you on the bed, occasionally giving Dohyun some of his opinions on the lyrics.

This album was going to be more ballad heavy. Focusing solely on heartbreak and toxic relationships. You almost scoffed to yourself.

You had so many lyrics you wanted to put but knew they would end up being too personal so you kept them in your journal for safe keeping.

“Oh, we’re trending on Twitter…” Junho suddenly said, earning both yours and Dohyun’s attention.

“What? What did we do?” Dohyun questioned, quickly moving to sit on the bed. You sat up and curled close to Junho, worried that someone on a random forum made an insane rumor that the Korean netizens would eat up in a heartbeat.

“Oh, it’s mainly (Name)-Ah and that guy from Black Rose.”

Your heart dropped to your ass. “W..Why?!”

Junho glanced down at you curiously before showing you a Twitter post that had almost 20k likes. He soon clicked on the link of the forum posts that was talking about it.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑4599 ↓235)

↳ guys, have yall seen who’s been liking (Name)’s posts on Instagram??

Below the text was a collage of your Instagram posts on the band’s account. You and Yuki were the only ones that really posted selfies religiously. But it wasn’t the pictures that caught people’s attention.

No it was the fact that the account that seemed to like every single one of your selfies was no other than fucking Kim Ye-Jun.

You balked. You didn’t think he had a public Instagram account that didn’t belong to the company. Fuck, you should’ve checked!!! Of course an older group had more freedom than your own.

You couldn’t even try to assume it was someone else. The next reply to the post was someone clicking on the account and lo and behold, Ye-Jun’s face showed up in the accounts posts.

They even showed that the official band account was following him—as well as his other band members.

Yeah… that was him.

@BRkim_yejun — 589k followers, 6 following

The video checked his following and he was even following the band’s account. You groaned, rubbing the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

“He likes Yuki’s posts too right..? It’s not just me!” You muttered, scrolling to see the other accounts.

@junhoswhore (↑239 ↓26)

↳ if (Name) was a girl, netizens would’ve started a dating rumor ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑102 ↓34)

↳ he doesn’t even likes Yuki’s posts. He wants him so bad ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@yukiwukii (↑20 ↓2)

↳ aren’t they alumnis from the same university??

@lovewonshiik (↑1020 ↓125)

↳ girl they’re college dropouts ㅋㅋㅋ

@_loveandfear (↑409 ↓89)

↳ Ye-Jun doesn’t even like his own members posts. He must really like Cho (Name). I wanna see them interact!!

@freakfundashi (↑2987 ↓3082)

↳ I wanna see them fuck on stage

“Okay that’s enough.” Dohyun suddenly said, grabbing Junho phone as he exited out of the forum. “You shouldn’t pay attention to them. They’re just weirdos. What does ‘Dohyun got a fatty’ even mean?”

Junho glanced over at you. You both tried to hold in your laughter.

“I’m not sure, Hyung. I can ask around.”

Dohyun shook his head. “I don’t think I even want to know. Anyway, do you know Kim Ye-Jun, (Name)-Ah? He seems to know you.”

“Yeah, why would you block the Black Rose account if you know him? You aren’t friends?”

You blushed slightly as you tried to come up with an excuse. “We.. we did go to the same college but I dropped out to pursue music. I lost contact with him after that! I wouldn’t even say we were friends.. we were just both music majors!”

Junho and Dohyun didn’t seem too convinced but they got the message that this was all you were going to tell them at the moment.

“If you do feel uncomfortable around him, I can block him, y’know? I want my maknae to be comfortable.” Junho said, leaning over to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch and hummed in appreciation.

Ye-Jun’s words suddenly got to you. The hyung he was talking about had to be Junho. But you don’t remember ever being on his “dick.” You didn’t like Junho romantically. Besides, you were pretty sure him and Yuki had something going on despite their attempts of being discrete.

Won-Shik seemed to be the resident straight man of the band.

“Manager Nayoung can always speak to Black Rose’s manager and make them get Ye-Jun to back off as well. Just tell us, alright?” Dohyun said, rubbing your head.

You gave him a grin that wasn’t forced and cuddled closer to Junho’s touch. Ye-Jun would probably back off sooner or later. It wasn’t like you would have to see him again any time soon.

Oh how wrong you were.

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞

The memory is hazy by now, but you still remember the exact date, time, and weather when you first met Kim Ye-Jun.

November 3rd, 20XX. 5:30 pm. Heavy rain and scattered thunderstorms.

You had just came from school, wanting to just plop down on bed and cry. Your future uncertain with your parents refusal to allow you to try out at a company to pursue your dreams on being a musician.

Your umbrella was big, a bit hard to hold upright because of how old it was. There was a hole in it that allowed small drops of rain to drip on your shoulder. You couldn’t even afford to pay for a new one. The wind suddenly picked up just as you were getting to cross the street.

“Shit…!” Your grip loosened as the wind folded your umbrella upwards. It slipped from your grip and twirled across the crosswalk. You made the step to run after it until a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you right back onto the curb.

A car breezed past you, splashing water over you and your savior. You coughed as the savior pressed you against their chest. They were saying something but it wasn’t hard to hear anything in the heavy rain.

You looked up, pushing away the wet hair that clung to your face. There he was: Kim Ye-Jun. A shaved head while dressed in a Korean military uniform. He looked young but you knew lots of boys your age that were going to do their Korean service before college to get it over with.

The first meeting hardly meant anything to Kim Ye-Jun while it meant everything to you. He released his grip on your waist and bent down to grab your backpack, handing it over to you.

Before you could even say anything else, he handed over his umbrella. You tried to refuse but he forced your hand open and wrapped it around the handle. You watched with wide eyes as he reached up and wiped something off your face before pulling away.

You were so happy that the rain hid the fact you were crying just a few minutes earlier. But judging by the soft smile he gave you, your red eyes must’ve given it away.

Your eyes flickered to his name tag just as he was leaving, sprinting away to what you assumed was the nearby convenience store.

❝ 김예준 ❞

You would see him again at your college welcoming party. He was also a freshman just like you despite being twenty years old. A few freshman teased him about it while he just laughed it off, saying they’re gonna wish they got their service over with.

You didn’t originally want to seek him out, worried he wouldn’t even remember you. But he ended up speaking to you first. Those first nine months you spent with him almost felt like a dream.

He wasn’t your first kiss but he was your first boyfriend, your first time, the first boy you believed you could spend a lifetime with.

But it seemed you were the only one who thought that.

“Cho (Name)? Is he your boyfriend or something? He’s so clingy with you.”

“I don’t know how you do it! He acts so childish, it’s gross. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you need to act like a fag. I’m gay and I act fucking normal.”

“Does he even know about the band you got accepted in? Whenever I see you guys interact, it’s literally all about him! He hardly lets you speak.”

You expected Ye-Jun to say something in your defense.

“Yeah… He’s clingy. I didn’t expect him to be when we started hanging out.”

“—Hanging out? You’re not even dating him? You’re fuck buddies?”

“Well it’s only been nine months. We’ve only been fucking. He just whines a lot about his parents before I can even talk. The only way he stops is when we fuck.”

“Really? Why do you even keep him around?”

“Nine months is a long time, haha. It has to be sex, right??”

“He makes me feel good about myself. Plus he is cute despite how annoying he can be—”

“—How is he in bed? Whiny? Bet he’s a slut—”

You couldn’t take it anymore, walking away from the wall as you rubbed at your face. Fuck buddies. You were Kim Ye-Jun’s fuck buddy.

A bitter laugh left you as you pulled your phone, opening website you were on earlier. It was auditions for a new company. If Ye-Jun thought all you did was complain, you would show him you have drive.

You blocked his number and signed up for the audition, dropping out of school the next week. Your parents disowned you but you pushed through, staying at your aunt’s before you got the acceptance call.

It’s just a shame you had to see him again after four years.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

‘ COMEBACK ’ 러브카운다운 - Love’s Fool

After an intense music video recording, it was released three hours ago. It was your groups first comeback so to say you were nervous was an understatement. The music video was different from the debut’s sunshine and happy vibes from the single debut album.

This 1st mini album, named after the title track, was darker and certainly more depressing. Though it seemed the fans were eating it up. A few even saying they cried to the song.

You straightened your back as the hair stylist pulled at your hair. It was the first performance at a music show. Online so many fans were staying they were going to get the band its first music show win so you couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought.

Switching the phone onto the camera, you held it up and smiled, taking a few pictures. You immediately posted them onto Instagram, choosing the ones where you looked the cutest. It was only a second before the first like came in.

@BRkim_yejun liked your post

You almost threw your phone. But that wasn’t the worst. He actually commented. In the past three months that’s he’s been religiously liking your posts, and only yours, he’s never commented on it.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Kiss?? You almost passed out as you reread his comment over and over again. You couldn’t believe he was asking for more selfies! You’re just happy he didn’t use “키스” as that would’ve been too romantic. But the nerve to call you jagiya was pissing you off. You haven’t been his baby in few years now!

@TheRealLoveCountdown responded : 꺼져

Sure, it’s petty to tell him to go away but you weren’t feeling generous to be nice right now. You turned off your phone and placed it on the table in front of you. The hair stylist had finally finished your hair as she walked away. Dohyun came up to you, smiling slightly.

“(Name)-Ah, you okay? That’s the first time he commented on your post right?”

“Yeah… But it’s fine, I told him to go away. Maybe he’ll listen.”

Dohyun only chuckled in response. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around you as he rubbed his cheek against yours. You giggled and basked in his warmth, sighing in relief.

But you couldn’t stop your mind from wandering about how Ye-Jun used to hug you just like this. Especially when you were slaving away on your assignments and he wanted you to take a break.

He’d press kisses on your neck before your cheek, inching close to your lips before pressing a wet slobbery kiss on your lips. Because that would always disgust you and make you chase after him to deliver another wet slobbery dog kiss on his cheeks.

Then he’d always hug you close on the couch and force you to watch tv. He’d always get you. And you’d always fall asleep in his arms.

“Are you method acting again? No one’s expecting us to cry on stage, dumbass.”

You flinched as a napkin taps at the edge of your eyes. You glanced over to see Young-Jae gently dapping the tears away before they have the chance to fall and ruin your makeup. Dohyun just tightens his hug and comfortingly rubbed your shoulders before pulling away.

“Thanks, Hyungie~!” You grinned, moving to pull Young-Jae into a hug that he swiftly dodged.

“You’re not messing up my outfit! Stay back!”

“Hyung… I want to hug you!!! Come here!!”

“Stay back, Cho (Name)!!!”

The performance was great if you had to toot your own horn. This was one of the first songs that you played the violin for entirely—the other time it was sort of a gimmick. You even had a violin solo with Junho’s keyboard.

Now it was wining down time. You took another selfie, even one with Won-Shik and Young-Jae. Young-Jae practically never posted so you usually forced him to join your selfies for his starving fans.

You tried to ignore the weird feeling in your heart when Ye-Jun didn’t immediately like your post. You didn’t care! Nope… You did not.

But you didn’t stop yourself as you typed in the Black Rose Instagram to check the account. You had unblocked a month ago at the request of Nayoung since it looked weird on your part when there’s no history between you and the band.

There wasn’t much pictures beside promotional material. Photos for their comeback. It was only five members, Ye-Jun as the leader but he wasn’t the oldest. You wondered if this was the band he was talking about back then.

@TheBlackRose

(블랙로즈) 4.9M Followers 6 Following

Six following? You clicked on it and sat up straight on the couch to see that the account was following Love Countdown! Though the fact they were so close to five million followers shocked you. They really were popular. Love Countdown only reached 320k followers just recently.

Did Ye-Jun make the account follow you? You tried to push away the giddy feeling in your chest. Deciding you had nothing to lose, you checked the band members account.

@BRpark_shion

(박시온) 518k Followers 5 following

@BRim_roha

(임로하) 538k followers 6 following

@BRseo_minji

(서민지) 515k followers 5 following

@BRhwang_hanbin

(황한빈) 529k followers 5 following

“Roha..?” You muttered, confused on why he was following the account as well.

“Who’s Roha?”

You jumped, looking up to see Yuki sitting down beside you. “Yuki Hyung! Ah.. I was just..”

“Snooping?” He chuckled, leaning over. “Im Roha? Oh, he’s cute.”

“Who’s cute?!” Junho suddenly asked, turning his head abruptly from his phone. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re cuter, Junnie.” Yuki placated, snickering. “Very Kawaii.”

“Oh! Yuki, can you still teach me Japanese? I want to be confident in my pronunciation for our Japanese debut!” You asked, subtly trying to change the conversation.

“Yea.” He said, pushing back his overgrown bangs. “But I still want to know what you’re doing. I thought you hated Black Rose.”

“I do! I really hate them…”

“Or do you hate Kim Ye-Jun? Did he do something to you?”

You frowned. The word hate next to Ye-Jun’s name made you upset. Despite everything, you couldn’t hate him. Fuck, you were pathetic.

“He just… We just ended things badly. But it’s mostly my own fault. I thought we were something special—he didn’t think the same.”

Yuki blinked for a moment as if he was taking in your words. “Oh. You dated him?”

“Wha?! How’d you?!”

“What else could you have meant?” Yuki chuckled. “Do you wanna stay at Hyung’s tonight? We can have a movie marathon.”

You grinned, nodding your head. “Mhm. I would like that.”

The door to the dressing room opened as the next group to preform came in. Dohyun and the others had already gotten ready to leave so they moved to the side so the group could get ready. Much to your shock, it was the Black Rose.

Your eyes stopped on Roha. He was tall, slim, with dyed purple hair. Your body flinched when his eyes fell on yours and a grin pulled on his lips as he waved to you.

Roha looked so familiar but you just couldn’t put your finger on it. Was he from your university? It’s been five years at this point. You shook your head, deciding it wasn’t important.

You grabbed your bag and stood up, looking over at Junho. The others were already leaving.

“Junnie Hyung—”

“—Yes?”

“—Yeah?”

Your body froze as a voice was heard behind you. Junho looked up confused at who else would answer to your call. You didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. Before Junho, you had called someone else “Junnie Hyung.”

Yeah, Kim Ye-Jun.

“You call him my name?” Ye-Jun suddenly said, walking right up in front of you. Your eyes quickly looked down. Embarrassment swirled in your stomach as you felt Junho’s and Ye-Jun’s eyes on you as they waited for you to speak.

You took a deep breath and managed to look up at him. “Yeah… he’s my hyung.. and his name is Junho. So, Junnie Hyung. You’re not the only man named Jun.”

Ye-Jun laughed, a smirk playing on his lips. “I don’t remember allowing you to do that. His name is Junho, yeah? So call him Junho Hyung.”

“Uhm,” Junho muttered, a look of confusion on his face. His brows furrowed as his lips pulled into a frown. “I don’t like how you’re speaking to my dongsaeng.”

“Dongsaeng?” Ye-Jun tilted his head before turning his attention back over to you. “Cute. That’s real cute. (Name)-Ah, my number hasn’t changed. I’ll be waiting, Jagiya.”

He gave a slight nod at Junho before walking away to join his members to get his hair and makeup down. Junho looked more confused than angry as he glanced over at you.

“Jagiya?”

You blushed. “He’s just.. teasing me! Yeah.. he didn’t mean it.”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention. You looked over to see Roha grinning at you.

“(Name), my number is the same as well, okay? Talk to you later.” Roha lovingly patted your head before walking away.

Junho blinked. “Wow. I thought you didn’t know anyone in Black Rose.”

“Me neither…”

You were so fucking screwed.

Why was your heart beating so fast?

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼�� 간보기잖아 ❞

You unblocked him. Mainly because you had no back bone. You laid on Yuki’s bed, wondering if you should text first. Yuki had some Jpop song playing as he folded up his laundry. He had dumped it on his bed a few days ago but didn’t really do it until you were now gonna stay the night.

“Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex..? Oh well, ex fuck buddy.”

“Yeah. If you really loved him.” Yuki said, muttering something to himself in Japanese before putting away the last of his clothes. He turned off his music and sat down on the bed.

You frowned and sat up. “I’m so confused. He hurt me. He.. He said I complained too much. I was clingy… I didn’t let him speak in our relationship. Said I only shut up when he fucked me…”

“Maybe he was right. Maybe you weren’t the best boyfriend.”

“What?”

Yuki gave you a small smile. “Even if you weren’t, he should’ve talked to you. He should’ve told you instead of bad mouth you to your friends. And.. maybe you should’ve spoken to him about how you were feeling instead of just ghosting him.”

“I… Well he embarrassed me in front of his friends.”

“He was wrong for that. But how can a relationship work if you let one problem ruin it?”

You frowned. Yuki was making sense and you didn’t necessarily want that right now.

“You don’t have to get back with him. He did hurt you. Not everyone can forgive something like that. But how old were you when you dated him?”

“Eighteen…”

“First ever relationship?”

“Mhm…”

“Well, I hope in those five years you know that you can’t just go silent during a relationship problem. You had the right to cuss him out but to also see if you could fix the problem he was feeling.”

“Man… I was hoping you would’ve just let me complain. I didn’t want this philosophical shit.”

Yuki grinned. “You should’ve went to Won-Shik Hyung if you wanted to complain. Do you want to text him?”

You glanced over at your phone, sighing. “Maybe.. But he was acting really weird before we left. He got mad at Junho Hyung because I called him Junnie Hyung.”

Yuki smirked. “He’s just jealous. Then he really does still like you. Wah, you have yourself a possessive boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You whined, biting your lip.

“He probably doesn’t think that way. I’ll pick the movie while you text your honey.”

You glared at Yuki but still grabbed your phone, staring at the contact of Kim Ye-Jun. It still had a heart on the name. The name proudly written in as “주니형.” You exited out of his contact and went to look at the other blocked numbers you had. It was mostly spam until a familiar named showed up.

Im Suyoung.

Im…

A gasp left your lips. Suyoung was Ye-Jin’s friend, they were practically brothers. You had gotten close to Suyoung by association but soon felt as if he was the big brother you never had. There was a distant memory you had when he said he wanted to change his name to something cooler.

Roha.

Ah. You unblocked his number and saw the loads of messages that didn’t end up going through to you. It had stopped four years ago. But before, it was loads of them asking where you were, if you’re okay, if something had happened to you.

The last message made you laugh at how stupid it was.

↳ Ye-Jun’s worried. He’s going crazy over a nine month relationship, what did you do to him? ㅎㅎ He’s gonna find you one day, (Name)-Ah, be ready.

Find you? Be ready? What the hell was Ye-Jun gonna do to you? You were mainly shocked that he was even going crazy over you being gone. Why would he care when he himself said you were “hanging out?”

You sighed, sending a quick message to Roha to tell him he’s unblocked. Your fingers moved on their own and you found yourself on Ye-Jun’s contact. The profile picture was of him and you, faces pressed together as you grinned at the camera while Ye-Jun looked as if he was mid grimace, eyes squeezed shut from the flash.

You scrolled up to five years ago, to the day you had blocked him. It was tamed for a moment until Ye-Jun seemed to notice his texts weren’t going through.

It was panic after that. Multiple texts with spams if you’re dead, if you’re okay, that he’s freaking out. You couldn’t help but laugh. It felt surreal to see this side of him. After a few months, he only kept sending hello, as if checking everyday to see when you’d unblock him.

A few times he’d type a message. Asking if you ate, if you’re doing okay wherever you are. The next year, he started sending pictures. It was of him and the band. He was talking about how nervous he was being the leader.

Ye-Jun never took selfies, he hated pictures which was why most pictures of him he had a grimace or frown.

But the ones he was sending you, he smiled. Well, as best as he could. It looked forced but you still felt giddy that he was trying.

You scrolled through the messages until finding one on the day of the festival at the university.

↳ you didn’t move on, right? You wouldn’t move on, Jagiya… put cream on the bite marks, I don’t want you to scar. Don’t get so close to that bean pole with the fried hair again, okay? It made me upset ㅠㅠ

↳ you know how to piss me off, Jagi. I wanna keep you locked up so you won’t ever run away from me again. Hah, Love Countdown is a cute name. I wish I went to your debut performance. I think I’m insane at this point, Jagi. Nine month relationship and I’m acting like this ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

↳ it’s weird, I liked seeing you cry. Back then, when that bastard called you a slut I almost killed him ㅋㅋ … I like putting you in your place. If it’s just an act, it’s okay right?

“Back then… Did he… Did he defend me after I left?” You whispered, shame suddenly rose in your heart.

“Hm?” Yuki asked, looking back over at you.

“Nothing… Nothing. Did you find the movie?”

“Not yet.”

You scrolled down, the rest of the messages going back to being little tidbits on his day to date life. It wasn’t until you made it to today that you tried to read what he sent.

↳ Junnie Hyung to another man? Jagi, are you trying to piss me off??? I’ve been staying calm these past for months when all I’ve wanted to do was drag you home and punish you for abandoning me for five years

↳ don’t do that again… you are always mine, no man should be touching you again like he did. I don’t know what made you leave me, but I hope you know I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again

↳ …Those pants you wore on stage were nice. can you buy your own pair, Jagiya? I wanna tear them off you.

↳ you unblocked me?

A gasp left your lips. What the fuck? How did he already know that? You watched as he began typing, the three dots causing unnecessary panic in your heart.

↳ Did you eat?

Huh? You waited to see if he’d send anything else but he didn’t. It took a moment but you soon replied with a sort yes. The anxiety was building within you and you wanted to just block him again. But your heart wanted him back. Even if the messages he was sending you were insane to the normal person.

It was radio silence before he sent a picture.

It was of him in what you could assume was his bedroom. He was lying on his bed and an LED light illuminated his face. His hair messy while a slight smile pulled on his lips. You couldn’t help but smile.

You wanted to ask about that day. If maybe after you left, he realized he wanted you. That maybe he just didn’t know how to word his feelings properly.

But you felt as if it would be better in person. So, you did what you thought was the best response. You sent a selfie to him, making sure to smile.

It didn’t even take a minute before he started sending hearts. He usually never reacted like this before whenever you sent selfies. Did he change when you were gone?

Roha was right. He did go insane when you left him.

“Found the movie. You better leave before you even think about sexting him.” Yuki suddenly said, laying down on the bed.

You blushed. “What?! I wasn’t going to sext him!!”

Though you were feeling giddy at the thought of being close to him again. You couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about how… odd Ye-Jun was acting.

He really did change. And you weren’t sure if it was for the better.

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞

It had only been a week and you had kept a small conversation going with Ye-Jun—he texted you every morning and night. He was more confident as well. Leading to the incident that happened a few days ago.

Black Rose had won on the fan voting for the music show win. Everyone on stage was clapping as Black Rose came to the center to grab the reward. You and your band mates were close so you were right in arms reach when Ye-Jun came over to you.

“Thanks to all of our fans for voting. I’m happy I get to make my dongsaeng proud with our twentieth music show win on our four year anniversary.” Ye-Jun said, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you close.

He kept his attention on the camera recording him. “Please send some love to my dongsaeng’s group, Love Countdown!” He squeezed you tightly before pressing a quick peck on your cheek, earning yells from the crowd.

Your band mates, and Black Rose themselves, looked absolutely shocked to say the least.

Including Korean forums not even a day later.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑645 ↓320)

↳ dongsaeng my ass.. they fucking ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑236 ↓67)

↳ he wanted to call him Jagiya so bad…

@junhoswhore (↑127 ↓378)

↳ I know skinship is normal but I’ve never wanted to kiss my homies

@_loveandfear (↑564 ↓24)

↳ you not a real homie then. I love kissing my boys good night. Tongue action too

@yukiwukii (↑764 ↓203)

↳ he’s so gay, i wanna call him the f slur ㅠㅠ

@lovewonshiik (↑389 ↓27)

↳ college drop out and gay, pick a struggle ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@freakfundashi (↑386 ↓867)

↳ everyday I get closer to seeing Cho (Name) get creampied on stage

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑433 ↓189)

↳ you’re insane ㅎㅎ but Cho (Name) is definitely the bottom

@jaesflatass (↑330 ↓219)

↳ Kim Ye-Jun makes Cho (Name) bounce on his cock… wonder if it’s big ㅎㅎㅎ

@freakyfundashi (↑3980 ↓340)

↳ I have fanfics of them on AO3. Here’s my username ******

“Is Kim Ye-Jun your boyfriend or something? He keeps commenting on your posts.” Young-Jae asked, sitting down beside you on the couch. You glanced up from your phone and shook your head, blushing slightly.

“What are you even talking about? Kim Ye-Jun is just my seonbae. Don’t be so rude, Hyung.”

“Rude? Look at this.” Young-Jae pulled up on your more recent selfies, one you literally took not even an hour ago. It was of you in the fitting room, getting dressed in a fluffy white sweater and white trousers.

Today the band was doing a photoshoot for your upcoming Japanese debut.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ

“Dude, he likes you. He literally called you cute,” Young-Jae said, shaking his head. “If you were a girl, knets would’ve exploded with dating rumors already.”

@BRim_roha replied : 죽을래, 새끼야!!! GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND PICK UP THE PEN!!!

@BRpark_shion replied : 떨 떨?? I’ll give you something to tremble about

@BRseo_minji replied : IM GETTING MY ASS BEAT BECAUSE YOU WANNA GET YOUR DICK WET?!?

@BRhwang_hanbin replied : don’t you guys think you’re as weird as him for spamming the Instagram account? Everyone can see this, you stupid fucks.

Young-Jae looked over at you. “His band mates are as equally as insane. They deserve each other.” He turned off his phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of you both.

You only forced a tight grin. “They’re just eccentric people. Though Roha Hyung wasn’t like this back in university.”

“Hyung? You call Im Roha Hyung but not Kim Ye-Jun? Special treatment.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I heard that.”

You and Young-Jae sat up straight as Dohyun walked over to you both. He shook his head in disapproval before pulling out his phone. Your gaze flickered over to Young-Jae to see him ogling Dohyun. It wasn’t shocking. Dohyun was in a cropped t shirt once again with tight jeans.

Someone on the stylist team wanted to fuck Dohyun so bad at this point.

“Anyway,” Dohyun muttered, frowning at a text message he read before turning his attention over to you and Young-Jae. “The company is holding a birthday party after this for Manager Nayoung. Make sure to come.”

You gave him a quick thumbs up, “course, Hyungie~!”

“Yeah I’ll be there.” Young-Jae muttered.

“To stare at your ass.” You coughed out, earning a swift glare from Young-Jae.

Dohyun raised an eyebrow. “Stare at my slacks? When did you start using the work slacks, Jae-Ah? I can give you the website I buy them from.” He said, smiling.

Young-Jae sighed. “Sure…”

You gave a comforting pat on Young-Jae’s shoulder. Poor guy.

Party. You couldn’t help but briefly wonder if he’d be there…

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞

The party, of course, was nothing big. Manager Nayoung had asked for something small and chill. So the DJ was playing more 90s and 2000s Kpop. You were glued to Young-Jae for the most part until he got too drunk, somehow, and had to be taken home by Dohyun.

Won-Shik was being weirdly flirty with the older female staff who were enjoying his attention.

Yuki was somewhere, you remembered him saying he wanted to speak to someone.

That just left you and Junho together. You leaned closer to him and sighed, glancing up at him. Junho was staring straight ahead, watching the older people dance as much as their bones could handle before his eyes flickered down to you.

A soft smile spread on his lips. “Enjoying the party?”

“It’s cool.” You giggled. “I know how old people party now.”

“Hey, don’t judge. This is gonna be you in a couple of years. Just you wait.”

You snuggled closer and hummed, reaching up to wipe something off Junho’s cheek. Junho leaned in closer so you didn’t have to stand up on your toes to reach him. It was only a second, just a split second to where it almost looked like you kissed him when an hand grabbed your arm.

A shocked wince left your throat as you looked over to see who your aggressor was.

“Kim Ye-Jun? You were invited?” Junho asked, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of him.

Ye-Jun’s upper lip was pulled into a snarl as he glared at Junho but turned his attention over to you. “What did I tell you, Cho (Name)? Did you forget?”

“What..? I’m just talking to Junnie Hyung…?” You whispered, glad that you were all in the corner of the party so no eyes could see this altercation.

“Excuse me?” Ye-Jun tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned close to you. His hand tightened its grip on your arm. You felt an odd sense of dread as you shut your mouth, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Junho reached over and grabbed your free arm, tugging you back over. “Yah, I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not going to allow you to manhandle my dongsaeng. Speak to him nicely.”

“Who I think I am?” Ye-Jun turned his attention over to Junho, standing up tall to look straight in the eye. Junho was only two inches taller than Ye-Jun but was carrying more muscle mass in comparison.

It wasn’t even that Ye-Jun didn’t have muscle. Junho was just a bit too buff for his own good.

You knew deep down in your heart Junho would certainly win the fight but judging by how unhinged Ye-Jun has been… you wouldn’t put it past him to act dirty.

“Junho Hyung…” You whispered, catching his attention. “It’s okay… I’ll talk to him in private.”

“I don’t think it’s smart to be alone with him.”

Ye-Jun scoffed. “Why? And you’re safer?”

“Yeah, I am. You haven’t been in his life for five years and only had him for nine months. What claim do you really have over him, Kim Ye-Jun? Do you really know him? Do you know Cho (Name)?”

You balked, wondering how Junho knew that but realized Yuki must’ve mentioned it in passing. It makes sense, Yuki told Junho everything. You should’ve been a bit angry at that but couldn’t help but be happy that Junho was indirectly speaking what you felt deep down inside.

Why was Ye-Jun so set on keeping you as if you’d known him for years?

Ye-Jun’s jaw clinched. “I know how it feels to be without him.” You looked over at him as he tightened his grip on your arm. “And I’m not going through that again.”

“You’re being pretty selfish, Kim Ye-Jun. Did you not even make him your boyfriend? You only realized how much you came to love him when he left?” Junho released your arm, frowning slightly.

“I am selfish. I never said I wasn’t. I want him for myself. It just took for him daring to leave me to truly realize that I can’t be without him.”

“Uhm.” You squeaked out, causing the two men to look down at you. Gosh, it felt so awkward being shorter than them that you only reached their chests. “I’ll be okay… Just let me talk to him so we can resolve our issue.”

Junho sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Okay. You’re an adult. Call me if he does anything.”

You glanced over at Ye-Jun, seeing a slight smirk tugging on his lips. Can’t have him think you’re crawling back so easily.

“Thanks, Junnie Hyung!” You grinned, enjoying the sight of Ye-Jun’s smirk dropping in a millisecond. “I’ll have you on speed dial!”

Once you got the okay from Junho, Ye-Jun practically dragged you out of the building. You waved goodbye to Junho before trying to make Ye-Jun slow down.

Maybe Junho is right.

Kim Ye-Jun doesn’t seem safe in the slightest

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞

“A hotel? What? Am I not worthy enough to enter your home?” You laughed, allowing Ye-Jun to push you inside the hotel room. The room was fancier than anything you were used to. Black Rose must be making money.

Ye-Jun slammed the door shut behind him. He tugged off his jacket and tossed it on the ground, his feet heavy as he walked over to you.

“I didn’t take you home because I didn’t want to bother Roha with your screaming.” He said, grabbing your waist.

You blushed, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Screaming? You’re overly confident… Who’s to say I was going to sleep with you?”

Ye-Jun didn’t answer, leaning down as he began pressing kisses against your neck. You whimpered. Your hands gripping at his shirt as he nipped and bit at your skin.

“I don’t need to be confident. I know your body. I know I’m the only one who gets it.” His hands reached down and tugged at your shirt. You stared at him before raising your arms, letting him take off your shirt.

You tried to ignore the hungry look he gave you as he practically clawed at your jeans. Your voice was barely above a whisper, as if you were a bit too nervous to say it. “You act like you’re the only man that’s fucked me.”

His body froze, his eyes narrowing in on your face. You couldn’t help the cockiness that began to build within you at the look on his face.

“What? It was five years. Did you really think I was going to turn celibate because my first ever boyfriend… no, first ever fuck buddy allowed his friends to call me a slut? When asked what you liked about me, all you said was that I made you feel good about yourself.”

Ye-Jun’s eyebrows furrowed as he pulled away, tilting his head as if he was thinking about what you were saying. You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“You forgot? Forgot that you wouldn’t even call me your boyfriend? That I was annoying?!” You couldn’t help yourself, the past anger beginning to bubble up, ready to spill out. “Did those nine months mean anything to you? Or was I… was I just romanticizing our relationship?”

You sighed, rubbing your head. Your throat burned. Shit, were you really about to cry?

A laugh caught your attention as you looked up at Ye-Jun. “You’re laughing…?” You whispered, eyes widening. “You’re laughing after I just poured my heart out?!”

Ye-Jun hummed nonchalantly, tugging off his own shirt. “Yeah. You left me for that? For five years I thought I did something wrong but it was just you getting emotional.”

“Getting emotional?! Yah, Kim Ye-Jun—!”

“—Cho (Name).” His voice sharp. “That day, November 3rd, when I first saw you—I thought you were cute but stupid. Who would run head first into a busy intersection for a stupid umbrella? It was my luck that when I finished my service and you were at my university.”

The calm atmosphere around Ye-Jun made you feel uneasy as you watched him pull off his bracelet. He looked over at you and grinned.

“That first day I got to truly know you, I thought you were the most selfish annoying little shit ever. Me, Me, Me. That’s all you talked about—didn’t ask me any questions about myself.”

You frowned, throat tightening as you tried to fight back the tears welling in your eyes.

“But you know what made me come back? Guess, Jagi.”

“Sex…?”

“Jagiya… Don’t sell yourself so short.” Ye-Jun laughed, shaking his head. His hand reached over and grabbed the belt hoops of your jeans, pulling you flushed against his chest. You let out a shocked gasp. “I saw you. Outside at the college park, crying your eyes out. You looked so cute.”

You shuddered, glancing down as you felt his hand move to your button, pulling it loose.

“You saw me and then immediately ran over to me. Jumped into my arms without even asking me and just cried, begging for comfort.” Ye-Jun chuckled as if he was remembering the moment. “I almost pushed you off but you were cute… So cute. I liked seeing your face ruined with tears.”

“I don’t understand.” You whispered, unable to stop him as he slowly pulled down your zipper.

“I wanted you after seeing you cry and cling onto me. I’ll be honest, I was going to stop seeing you after we first fucked. But then you suddenly said I was your first time… that you didn’t want any other man to touch you.” He laughed. “But you didn’t seem to keep that promise, did you?”

Ye-Jun pushed you onto the bed, grabbing your jeans as he pulled them off. You whimpered, unable to move as you watch him stand tall over you. A small smirk pulled on his lips.

“Everyday, you practically threw yourself at me. So cute and innocent. Whiny in bed as you begged me to fuck you. Slowly you ruined me, Jagiya. I liked how overly dependent you were on me.”

A strangled gasp left your lips as the sound of fabric tearing filled the room. You looked down to see Ye-Jun’s hands tearing open your boxers, creating a hole right at your ass. It was practically ruined.

“I didn’t think at first to make us ‘official.’ My mistake, huh? I didn’t think you’d run off so quickly without speaking to me just because of other people.” His hand gripped at your thighs. “When you didn’t immediately text me back I knew something was wrong. But I tried to think that it’d be good to not have you up under me.”

He laughed, looking down at you. “It was lonely. The first night without you made me never want to be alone again. But you left me alone for five years. Jagiya, did you not think about how I’d feel?”

“But… You didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Defend you? Is that what you want from me? To be your knight? I’ll be him. Anything to make you stay.”

You gasped, clutching the bedsheets as you’re suddenly flipped onto your stomach, back arched. It was silent for a moment before you felt something cool coat your ass. Your body flinched, a pained whimper leaving your throat.

“Who was it?”

“H..Huh..? Ngh!” You cried out, feeling two fingers sink inside your hole. There was no build up or even a second for you to get used to it. Ye-Jun began to pump his finger in and out, using his free hand to deliver a smack to your ass.

“Who was it? Yang Junho? Did he get to touch you?”

“N..No! No, never..!” You whined, crying at the repeated thrusting against your prostate. The fact he was able to find it so easily scared you. Why could he remember stuff about you after five years?

“Then who, Jagi?”

“Ngh…! It… Mmh!! Ah… Hah.. Y..Young-Jae Hyung…”

“Lee Young-Jae..?” Ye-Jun whispered, his thrusting suddenly slowing down. “You had sex with him?”

“Mhm…” You whined, missing the feeling despite the tears threatening to fall. “We.. We were bored during our trainee years and we couldn’t date so we just became fuck buddies for about a year or so.. Ngh.. We stopped when we met Dohyun Hyung because Jae Hyung caught feelings for him…”

“Only him?”

“…Uhm…”

“Jagi.”

“No… I… I slept with someone after that. But then I couldn’t do it anymore because I got so busy with our debut.”

“Who?”

“You wouldn’t know him. Why do you even care? You probably slept with people during these five years!”

Ye-Jun chuckled. “Mhm. I didn’t. Well, I tried at least.” His finger slipped out of your ass, both hands now spreading you open. “But no one could compare to the pretty face you make whenever you cum on my cock.”

You gasped as you were forced back onto your back and dragged so your lower half of your body hung off the bed. Ye-Jun tilted his head as he drank you on, a slow smile creeping on his lips.

“I missed see you like this. Scared and complainant to my touch. You didn’t fight me at all, Cho (Name). You still want me, don’t you?”

Your hands gripped at the bedsheets as you turned your head to the side, clamping your eyes shut. He only laughed.

“Keep pretending you hate me. I heard sex feels good with hate.” The sound of the zipper and his belt buckle made you flinch, legs instinctively clamping together. You were scared but made no real attempt to move away.

A strangled gasp left your throat as he began to slowly thrust inside of you. It had been up to a year at this point—you almost forgot how much it hurts the first time. Forgot about how big he was.

Ye-Jun groaned, his hands reached up to grab your wrists as he brought them together over your stomach. “Mhm. You still feel so good, Jagiya. How can I live without this?”

You whimpered, eyes shut tight as you feel tears threatening to fall. It was silent for a moment. Your hole repeatedly clenching around his cock as you tried to get used to the feeling. Just as you were about to feel just a smidge of calmness, Ye-Jun slammed into you.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room in tandem with your hiccuped gasps. Tears were freely flowing as your lips parted, trying to say something. You couldn’t even remember what you were going to say.

Your toes curled as the repeated thrusting got you to finally open your eyes and glance down.

Ye-Jun looked downright sinful. His gaze never left your face as his hips slammed into your ass. Hands tightening around your wrists. A smirk pulled on his lips when he noticed you were finally paying attention to him.

“You really are so cute.” He muttered, a crazed look in his eyes as he took you in. “You’re crazy for trying to deprive me of you, Cho (Name). I shouldn’t have let you leave so easily.”

“Ngh… Wh..! Mhm, you act… hah.. act like you could’ve stopped me..!” You managed to finally speak, though it was short lived when his cock finally grazed against your prostate. Ye-Jun moved his hands so only one held both your wrists while the other held your right leg up.

“Oh, you’re still able to talk.” He said, completely ignoring your comment. “Can’t have that.”

He pulled out, much to your dismay, and released his grip on your body. You looked at him with wide eyes, tears staining your face as you wondered what he was going to do. Ye-Jun hummed as he maneuvered you to rest on your stomach once more.

You grunted at the force. “Stop…! Manhandling me!” You whined.

Ye-Jun ignored you again, forcing you to bend your knees on the bed so he could force your ass up high. His hand slipped underneath your boxers and gripped the band. You wondered if he was going to finally just take them off when he thrusted his cock inside your slick hole.

A stuttered high pitched gasp left your throat as he began to repeatedly slam his hips against your ass. He tugged at the hand of boxers, forcing your body to move back on his cock whenever you attempted to pull away just for a second of clarity.

It was repeated attacks on your prostate. The squelching from the lube and the sounds of skin slapping together with the sound of your high pitched moans filled the hotel room. Shit, you were so sure you would be getting a complaint tomorrow.

“I have so many things I want to do to you, Jagiya. To make up for lost time. Because you aren’t ever leaving me again. But I’ll be nice tonight… You have a Japanese debut to prepare for.”

You only whimpered, trying to form some type of words but could only rest your head against the bed.

“But after, I’m going to make you feel the pain you made me feel when you left me for those five years. What happened at the festival was only a taste.”

Ye-Jun delivered a harsh smack to your ass as you let out a shocked gasp. You couldn’t think clearly anymore—just babbling nonsense as your cock rubbed against the bedsheets dejectedly.

You were so close… You hoped Ye-Jun would be kind enough to let you cum tonight.

It seems your prayers were answered as a hand suddenly wrapped itself around your cock. A appreciative mewl escaped you as he began to pump your cock in sync with his thrusting.

The pleasure became too much as a long cry left you as your body began to slump. Your cock squirted against the covers, messing up your stomach in the process. But Ye-Jun didn’t stop, he continued fucking you despite your whines of overstimulation.

His grunting got louder as his hand gripped your ass. You gasped when he slammed deep inside one last time, hips flushed against your ass you began to feel something hot coat your inner walls.

He didn’t wear a condom… You hadn’t even noticed. This was the first time you ever had sex without a condom. Your first ever creampie.

Of course, Kim Ye-Jun was the one to do it.

Your body slumped against the bed, falling onto your side as he pulled out. You couldn’t even complain, too tired to do anything beside sleep.

Ye-Jun leaned over your body and leaned down, pressing a kiss on your cheek. “Don’t sleep yet. You can’t sleep on the sheets.” He wrapped his arms around your legs and upper body, easily lifting you up.

You were in and out as he got a bath ready. Your eyes fluttering close just as he lowered you into the water. He flicked your forehead, jolting you awake as you whined.

“Wha…tsthatfor?” You whispered.

“You can’t fall asleep. I don’t want you to drown in the bath.”

You must’ve ended up falling asleep anyway because you awoke on the bed, dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe. It was dark in the room, only a little light shining through the cracks of the shades from the street lamps.

A hand tightened its grip on your waist as you looked over, seeing Ye-Jun’s face buried in your neck as he clung to your body. You managed to free one hand and reached over to check your messages on your phone.

Roha Hyung

↳ make sure that homosexual is back by 10 am, we have practice in the morning

Jun Jun Hyung

↳ Are you safe? Please make sure you’re safe. Text me in the morning.

Ki Ki Hyung

↳ when did you leave? Are you okay? You better be in your room by 8 am when I visit

Dohyunie Hyung

↳ please don’t come home until after 10 am!!!!! Stay in my room tonight!! PleSjheja!!!

Wonnie Hyung

↳ was I the only one that didn’t know Yuki and Junho are fucking?!? wtf??? Am I only the one who likes girls in this damn band?!??

Jae Hyung

↳ !!!! DOHYUN HYUNG IS SUCKING MY DICK!!!!

↳ IM SO FUCKING HIS ASS TONIGHT!!!!

↳ anyway don’t come home, we’re gonna fuck all night ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

You shut your phone off and gently placed it back on the nightstand. You’d deal with that mess in the morning.

Your body shifted as you glanced down at Ye-Jun.

Surely you didn’t think he was serious. He couldn’t be this obsessed with you after nine months.

Right?

Poor, naive Cho (Name).

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞

He thought he was seeing things that day.

Love Countdown’s Cho (Name). You stood right there in front of him. He almost ran over to you and hugged you so tight, hoping it wasn’t just a dream. You looked so cute with those heart freckles.

He didn’t think you’d debut in a band. He didn’t remember anything about you being able to play any instrument.

Roha would tell him of course he didn’t. He only knew you for nine months. That wasn’t enough time to get to know someone that well. Especially someone like you who seemed unable to talk about anything besides your family drama or love for Ye-Jun.

Ye-Jun almost thought you just looked oddly similar to his (Name). Until Lee Young-Jae called your name. Until he saw how you looked at him with fear but also some type of love? Like you also wanted to just run into his arms.

No matter.

He was used to having total control of the relationship. He should’ve never allowed you to just take control so suddenly. You broke the relationship without even talking to him.

He’d get you back. No matter what. Because you were his.

Even if you didn’t know that.

@BRkim_yejun started following @TheRealLoveCountdown

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞

…. Don’t make fun of me, this wasn’t supposed to be so long lmfao. Anyway don’t even ask, I’ll be using Ye-Jun again and make a part two in future. He’s too toxic to pass up on

Tag list: @the-ultimate-librarian @chill-guy-but-cooler @kiiyoooo @star-3214 @tehyunnie @flurrina @ofclyde @iwishtobeacrow @love-kha1 @mooncarvers-world @smellwell @tomoeroi @remdayz @cherry-blossoms-187 @rhetorical-conscience @mello-life25

Translations:

ㅎㅎㅎ (하하하) — hahaha

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ (크크크크) — LOL

ㄷ ㄷ (떨딸) — trembling

❝ 목이 메어 ❞ — my throat is tight

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞ — I clung onto that person, and I ended up getting hurt

귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ — cute, baby. Please take more selfies!! I wanna kiss you, lolol

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼운 간보기잖아 ❞ — you’re not being serious, it’s just a test, isn’t it?

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞ — I shouldn’t be like this, I know in my mind

나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ — I wanna eat you. Why are you so cute? *shaking*

죽을래, 새끼야!!! — do you wanna die, son of a bitch (this is where sae kki ya came from)

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞ — please stop right there, I don’t don’t don’t want to fall for you

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞ — I don’t only want to soothe your loneliness

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞ — because from the moment it starts, I know I can’t break free

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞ — it’s getting harder to stop, I’m getting more addicted to you

Songs used — 121u by Day6 and sOng Of ice and fire by OnlyOneOf

[tyunn1ngz]

hueningkai nsfw alphabet

cw: gn!reader i think ? to the best of my ability anyways and no gender is stated regardless

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

total softie!!!!!!:( wants to be held and wants to hold u and its just oh-so delicate and tender just two lovers in ur own little safety bubble— giggles w hushed pinky promises that u will meet in ur dreams that night

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on himself his lips and his fingers— his lips on urs, his fingers in u; his fingers in ur mouth, he’s obsessed w it all, he likes it so much

on u ur thighs and tummy!!! marking u up all over and squishing the skin under his fingertips, rubbing over ur tummy when hes inside u just to watch u squirm and gasp .. ( ；∀；)

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

his cock gets so wet when hes hard n he cums a lot its so cute really especially cuz he’d get so shy abt it <3

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

gets off to ur voice sometimes— like listens back to voice notes u’ll send him even if all u r doing is talking abt ur day and gets himself so hard out of nowhere he loves hearing u

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

a big virgin w no idea what hes doing before u but thats ok!!!!! thats what practice is all abt !!!!!!! more fun for u especially bc hes such an eager learner <3

f = favourite position (this goes without saying)

spooning or riding — spooning is so intimate and he can feel up ur thighs and tummy so nicely that way, or dip his hands to bring u more pleasure to ur sex; and u riding him means u can take the reins and he’s very into that! use him to get urself off honey!

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

silly for the most part, its more relaxing and comforting that way, sex isn’t some performance between u two. but sometimes it feels like his brain just melts and pours out his ears so thats when it’ll seem more serious, bc u’ll have just a soft big eager puppy on ur hands then :<

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

for my own personal bias. No shaving. all his body hair in tact. everyone listen to me bc that is SEXY. his happy trail ohhgod

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

very intimate, has to be touching u at all times it’d be like chopping a limb off if u told him he wasnt allowed to touch u. loves rubbing his cheeks against urs idk thats just a thing in my head

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

cracks knuckles what do u guys know abt PLUSHIE HUMPER kai who steals sprays of ur perfume or lets u cuddle a specific one so it’ll smell like u when he fucks it later and cries ur name softly … what do u KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

nipple play. make this boy cum from just playing w his nipples i swear to god. and when hes more on the dominant sides of things definitely dacryphilia imo

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

just the bedroom !!! but maybe a quickie in the bathroom at a party could be up his alley too whos the say ;p

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

watching u get changed or get ready in general, defo also gets so hard when u do smth as simple as sit in his lap and move a little too much hes just too easy !!!!!!!!!!

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

nothing too rough and violent, and not heavy on the degradation either. just a tiny bit sometimes but hes more abt praise!! dont b too mean to him he’ll get stuck in his head :( not too fond of too much degradation towards u for this reason too! just a little if its what ur into but he prefers being nice to u its just in his nature no matter how bratty u get w him </3

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

a giver, bc it means he can make u feel good and also be between ur thighs which make for great earmuffs! not very good at it sometimes but his eagerness makes up for it!!!! other times he’s absolutely expert w his tongue its insane

he does love receiving tho!!!!! as much as he won’t admit it bc he thinks it’ll make him selfish for some reason Σ('◉⌓◉’) loves when u take him especially deep— rly makes his thighs shake and u have to keep ur hands on his hips to keep him from practically fucking ur throat >_>

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

gentle but kinda fast ? he gets so desperate and pathetic that he needs it to be faster but he can’t hurt u so he’s gentle by nature. he’ll get a lil rougher when he’s closer to cumming tho or if u rly push for it<3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

don’t happen often but when they do they’re the hottest thing in the world. he either goes so dumb hes basically melted into ur arms and pleading, almost in tears or! he’s finally treating u like u won’t break and just taking what he wants, whispering how good u feel and how a little part of him wants someone to walk in and see u breaking in his hold :3c

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

a little! nothing crazy but if theres a more tame fantasy u wanna try he’d defo be down, and he’s happy to tell u his own fantasies, even if his face burns up w embarrassment w every word. not too fond on risks, not big ones anyway but little thrills r always fun!!!! ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

doesnt last long the first round especially but he’ll go as many rounds as u want. obsessed w how u feel when u cum on his cock so if u orgasm once and its not w him inside u ur gonna be going again and even then it might not be enough he’ll be overstimulating the both of u to the heavens— just be aware of that !

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

lowk vibrator obsession, loves watching u use it, loves using it on himself, loves using it on u, u using it on him— u both using at the same time, pressed up against either side of it and crying into each others mouths .. could also see him loving the idea of having a fleshlight. Gulps. ＿|￣|○

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

teases u a lot when hes in charge just to see ur glassy eyes and pretty lips form a pout, but hes pretty hypocritical bc he doesnt like to be teased and he’ll get so pathetic when u do .. sigh

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

louder when hes closer to cumming, whimpers and gaspy moans that grow louder and higher in pitch the closer he gets, probably likes to stuff his face in a pillow or plushie to keep himself quiet bc he gets so embarrassed but he sounds so pretty :((((

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

never really puts u in ur place when u act bratty but one time he just snaps and ur legs were trembling for a good two days after; good thing he was back to his little angelic self and carried u everywhere

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

big hes hung asf. personally im a little more interested in the 50 pounds of ass he carries around but ig his cock is also important in this category

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIGH! .. once he gets a taste of sex— of you, he is insatiable woooo boy

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

hes not conking out until ur asleep first!!!!!!! so however long ur awake for after all is done, he’s up too!!!! no matter how hard his eyelids try to droop closed ok and if ur not sleepy hes not either (he is but just keep talking ok he’ll keep fighting it off)

[speed-world]

do you think you could do one with Shadow milk cookie x reader, where reader is like his stage assistant, hypeman, supporting role kind of thing, reader is like fully fine with atrocities shadow milk

maybe something with like reader also having been sealed separately from the beasts so shadow milk would probably have to try and find where reader was sealed while the brave and others were running around

- :D

His partner in crime

You and Shadow Milk Cookie were almost like The Joker and Harley Quinn (minus the cycle of abuse-)

He always loves and appreciates whenever you help him out in setting up a play. Whether that be designing the characters with him, arranging the props and stage in the best condition, and even just rooting for him!

There are even times when you help him write out the script for his plays, which he adores so so very much!!

He’ll always make a point to credit you in the most dramatic and loving manner whenever you help him. And boy do I mean dramatic-

“Thank you all so so so so much for enjoying the show! But the real star that deserves the glory is my dazzling, extraordinary, and adorable~…Y/N Cookie!!!”

A giant spotlight was cast on you as confetti and ribbons popped out all over the audience. You smiled and bowed as Shadow Milk applauded you, and after a while, everyone started applauding you!! If they didn’t, then the jester made sure they would cheer for his assistant…”

There are times where in the middle of his performance, he allows a pause for you to applaud and cheer and for him!

Of course, all of the audience is free to do the same whenever that brief moment comes, but usually it’s only you. Granted, all he cares about is your praise and appreciation, so he doesn’t care if you’re the only one clapping for him.

When he was imprisoned by the Witches, you were…displaced. The Witches knew your connection to Shadow Milk, and sealed you to the far ends of Earthbread outside of the Beast-Yeast continent.

Shadow Milk was furious beyond belief when he saw you being sealed up too. You weren’t a Beast or did anything wrong like he did, so why were you being punished like this?!

It hurt him so much, especially because he couldn’t do anything but sit in that dang tree…

Granted, this wouldn’t stop you from doing everything you could to get back to Beast-Yeast, or more get back to Shadow Milk

When you two were finally reunited in the Faerie Kingdom, after both your seals were broken down, you both ignored GingerBrave, Elder Faerie, and everyone else there and went to a discreet place to yourselves.

While you were reconnecting the lost time, he told you about Pure Vanilla and the Witches, and you’d be right there to hold him if he got shaken up or cried when mentioning them. You hated the witches and Purr Vanilla Cookie just as much, if not more than he did.

When Pure Vanilla and his company caught up to you, it was you who personally a play where certain caricatures would reference the witches, Pure Vanilla, or any others that Shadow Milk wasn’t fond of. You wouldn’t have any mercy in disrespecting said caricatures in the plays, which Shadow Milk loved and cheered for!!

No matter what, you were always there to support Shadow Milk and his crazy antics. He would do the same, loving you and being with you through every single thing.

[andvys]

We'll burn the sky | part six

Warnings: a lot of angst, mentions of suicide (reader's dad's death), mentions of drug abuse, absent parents, mentions of cheating

Pairings: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!fem!reader | Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham

Summary: after finding out the truth about Eddie, you struggle with your feelings and your trust in him.

Words count: 7.6k

@littledemondani thank you for the idea with the *cough* kiss *cough*

Series masterlist

-

When you were 7 years old, you watched your mother pack your clothes into the pink bag your dad gave you for your birthday. You were crying, holding your favorite plushie against your chest as you stared at her. 

“Please mom, I don’t want to go,” you said to her, “I wanna stay with you.” 

Your mother didn’t listen and if she did, she didn’t care. She threw your clothes and your shoes in there, not even bothering to fold your shirts or your pants. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” Is all she said to you, letting the tears fall down her pretty face, “he can take better care of you.”

“I don’t want to live with Dad, he’s never home.” 

Your words meant nothing to her. She continued to pack your clothes until they were all stuffed in the bag. She grabbed your hand and led you to her car. She dropped you off at your Dad’s house. She gave you one last hug and a goodbye kiss on your forehead before she left you standing in the rain, crying for her not to go, not caring that he wouldn’t be home until later that night. 

That was the last time you had seen her. Sometimes she would call or send you a letter but that’s all. She never gave you an explanation as to why she left you. 

You weren’t shocked, even at the age of 7, you could tell that she struggled with you in her life, you saw it coming. 

At the age of 12, you watched your dad being hospitalized after a concert. He collapsed on stage after performing the last song of the night. You watched him sing from backstage and when you saw him passing out, you didn’t even hesitate to run towards him, brushing Sam’s hands off of you when he tried to pull you away from your dad. 

They told you that he was dehydrated and tired and that is why he had passed out but you weren’t clueless. Even then, you already knew what he did when he locked himself in the bathrooms and came out wiping his nose.

You weren’t shocked about what happened that night. 

He was an amazing dad and when you moved in with him, he did everything to make you happy. He spent as much time with you as he could but he was a suffering person and you knew that it was only a matter of time before he left you too. 

At the age of 15, you watched your best friend choosing others over you. She began to pull away from you more and more, every day. Always making excuses to cancel plans with you. She’d tell you she was sick but then you’d see her making plans with other people, with girls that didn’t like you. 

That didn’t shock you either. 

At the age of 17, your life changed forever. 

On Christmas Eve, you came home after visiting Sam and his family. You brought the cookies that his kids made, the ones that your dad loved so much. You placed them on the counter before you went looking for him, thinking that you would find him in his office. 

You could still smell his cologne and the pine from the christmas tree that stood in the large living room whenever you thought of that day. 

A dreadful feeling settled in your stomach when you didn’t hear his voice or the sound of his guitar playing. 

He wasn’t in his office, he wasn’t in his bedroom either and deep down you already knew what you would find. You called out to him with a shaky voice as you neared the open bathroom door. You opened it fully and the sight in front of you made you want to throw up. 

Your dad was laying on the bathroom floor, needle still sticking inside his skin, his eyes were closed, he was already gone.

You ran towards him and dropped to your knees, you pulled his dead body into your lap and cried for him to wake up even though you knew that he would never wake up again, he would never open his eyes again, he would never come back again.

What you found that night didn't shock you either, you saw it coming. He had been dead for a long time already, what was left was only an empty shell.

But nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared you for this moment. 

You stand frozen in place, your heart is racing in your chest, you feel the emptiness in your stomach starting to eat at you. The coil in your throat makes you struggle to breath. 

Her lips are moving but you can’t hear what she is saying. 

You blink, furrowing your brows as you tear your eyes away from her and look into those brown eyes that you have found home in. He is staring at you, looking into your eyes with shock, sadness, panic, regret and guilt, the guilt that has been there so many times, the guilt that you couldn’t explain until now. 

And even though she is there and other's are rushing past you, no one else exists in that moment but the two of you as you stare into each other's eyes.

You are confused and lost. There is no other emotions yet, just endless confusion.

Your eyes trail down to her hand that is resting on his chest, her body is pressed against his, she is smiling as she looks up at him, not realizing that he isn’t even listening to a word she is saying.

Your breath gets caught in your throat when you notice that his hand is laying on the small of her back. The hand that had been holding yours a few moments ago. Your eyes find his again and you can’t even hide the shock on your face. 

You don’t need words, you don’t need an explanation, you don't need to ask questions to find out what this is. 

She is his. He is hers. They are together. 

How long have they been together? How long has he been keeping this from you?

Chrissy.

His voice calling her name echoes in your mind.

Chrissy. Chrissy. Chrissy.

You have heard that name before.

He feels sick, he feels like crying, he feels like taking your hand in his and running away, not even caring about the girl in his arms, that one he hasn’t thought about once today. 

His heart aches in his chest when he sees the look on your face.

He pleads with his eyes, he blinks as he feels the tears welling up in his eyes. 

‘What have I done?’ he thinks to himself. 

“Eddie…. Eddie!” 

Chrissy’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts, he tears his eyes away from you and looks down at her. Blinking the tears away, he tries to give her a smile but he can’t, he only looks at her in confusion. Why is she here?

She smiles at him and snuggles into his chest, “aren’t you happy to see me?” 

He doesn’t answer her, he looks up at you but you are gone. Panicked, he starts looking around for you but he can’t see you anywhere. 

He closes his eyes, a shaky sigh falls from his lips.

You let your feet carry you towards the others, who are waiting to go on stage. None of them notice the confused and shocked look on your face. Gareth and Jeff are joking around, Johnny occupies himself with his guitar. 

The opening act is still playing but you can barely hear anything, you feel as though you are underwater, hearing the faint voices coming from somewhere on the surface. 

Your chest is rising up and down heavily. 

You don’t understand. 

“You okay, kid?” Rob asks, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

You flinch and he raises his hands up in surrender, “whoa, it’s just me, y/n,” he mumbles. The boys turn around to look at you after hearing his words. Jeff furrows his brows when he sees the lost and confused look on your face. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks, taking a step towards you, “did something happen?” 

The confused look stays in your eyes as you stare at him. Does he know? 

“Where’s Eddie?” Gareth asks, looking at you in concern. 

Rob places his drink on the equipment cart before he takes a step forward, “kid, are you okay? You’re about to go on stage. Do you feel sick or nauseous, do you need something–” 

“Oh shit,” Jeff mumbles as he catches the sight of Eddie, holding Chrissy’s hand as he walks towards you. 

“Fuck,” Gareth sighs with an unreadable look on his face. 

Your stomach drops. Closing your eyes, you let out a laugh of disbelief. They all know. 

The only clueless one is your manager, he looks around with confusion written all over his face. 

Jeff mumbles your name as he tries to place his hand on your shoulder but you slap it away with an angry sigh. 

“Hi, guys.” 

You hear her voice and it makes your heart ache even more. 

“Hi.. Chrissy.” 

You feel so much hurt and so much anger but you refuse to let them see it right now, you refuse to let these feelings take control of you right now. 

‘Pull yourself together,’ you think to yourself. Taking a deep breath, you plaster a smile on your face and turn around to look at the girl, you have yet to speak to. 

Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see Eddie shifting uncomfortably. 

Her eyes meet yours and a smile appears on her face– a smile, you can tell, is not genuine in any way. You can see the distaste in her eyes, the jealousy, the coldness, “hi, I’m Chrissy. I’m Eddie’s girlfriend.” 

Girlfriend. You want to throw up. 

“Girlfriend?” you ask with a smile on your face, “Eddie never told me he has one and he usually tells me everything, right Eddie?” you say without looking at him. 

She blinks, squinting her eyes, her lips twitch, “I-I’m sure he told you, after all he wrote all those songs about me,” she says, tilting her head as she looks you up and down. You can see the judgmental look in her eyes. 

He wrote the songs about her? You want to scoff, you want to laugh, you want to scream and cry. He wrote the songs before he came to Los Angeles, he wrote the songs when he was still in Hawkins. All this time, he had been with her already, when he met you, he had already been with her, when he touched you he was with her, when he kissed you he was with her, when he said all those things to you, he was with her.

“What songs?” you laugh, shaking your head. You watch the anger appearing in her eyes, her lips part and she’s about to say something when you cut her off. 

“Oh, you mean the songs that were shit? They didn’t even make it on the album, honey.” 

Eddie can’t even be hurt by your words, the songs were shit but he feels surprised. He stares at you with a slightly shocked look in his eyes, just a few minutes ago, you stood there with a heartbroken look in your eyes and now there was nothing but a coldness in them, he has never seen before and it scares him. 

Rob raises his brows, he places his hands on his hips and looks around with wide eyes. 

Gareth clears his throat, he looks down and starts playing with his drumsticks. 

“Didn’t you listen to the album?” you ask. 

She shifts uncomfortably, playing with the hem of her skirt as she looks up at her boyfriend. He looks back at her and you look down at his hand, she is holding it but his hand is limp in her touch. 

“It’s not my style,” Chrissy mumbles, giving you an icy glare.

"But he wrote those songs about you," you tilt your head, pouting slightly.

She hates you, you can tell that she does. You can see it in her eyes.

She only shrugs in response.

You nod, “well, I hope it won’t be too wild for you tonight,” you mumble as you give her one last look before you turn away from her and Eddie. The boys are all avoiding looking into your eyes and you scoff at them. 

Reaching for the glass of whiskey that Rob placed on the table. 

“Wait–” Rob mumbles but quickly stops when he sees the anger in your eyes, waving his hand, he turns away from you. 

Eddie watches with a bad feeling in his chest. 

You slam the now empty glass back on the table and take a look at him, “better get your good luck kiss, Munson,” you mutter as you reach for the red microphone on the table. 

His lips part, he wants to say something but no words come out. 

The soft look in your eyes long gone, all there is now is the angry, betrayed and cold look in your eyes and it breaks his heart. He wants to take your hand, he wants to leave this place, he wants to explain everything, he wants to pull you into his arms, he wants to kiss you again and beg you to go back to the way things were.

Everyone notices the shift of energy. Everyone notices the anger and the intensity in your voice. 

You don’t change anything about your performance with Eddie, you let him touch you the way he always does, you let him pull you closer, you let him touch your waist, you let him lean his forehead against yours, you let him sing in your microphone with you. 

You can feel his fear, his regret, his guilt. 

He can feel your anger, your pain and the stiffness in your body when he lays his hands on your body. 

The anger and the rage is so clear in your voice and in some weird way, it makes you even better. 

Usually, you engage with the crowd a lot more but tonight, all you see is Eddie. You look into his eyes with so much anger, it makes him nervous. 

The pain doesn’t hit you until the last song- the one that you have spend so much time working on with him. The realization that floods through you makes your heart hurt the way it never has before. Everything begins to make sense. Why he never told you, why they boys never told you. 

He used you, in every way possible and the realization makes you feel sick.

You let him take your hand as you say your goodbye’s and you let him keep holding your hand when you exit the stage. You see Rob staring at you in concern and you see Chrissy staring at yours and Eddie’s hands with anger in her eyes and it only makes you even more sick. 

He has a girlfriend, he had one all this time. 

You rip your hand out of his. 

“What was that?” Gareth asks you in excitement, blind to the angry tears in your eyes, “you were fucking fantastic out there tonight!” 

You huff in anger as you rush past all of them, ignoring his words, or Jeff’s or Rob’s as they all call out to you. 

Eddie follows you with his eyes, fear and worry lingering in his eyes.

Chrissy walks towards him with a smile on her face, “hey–”

“Hold on,” Eddie mumbles, not even looking at her, “I’ll be right back,” he says before he runs after you. 

“Eddie!” Chrissy yells in disbelief. 

You slam the door shut and walk further into the room. Breathing heavily, you put your hands on your head. Your bottom lip quivers and your vision blurs, your eyes fall on the couch you kissed Eddie on, just a few hours ago. 

“I’m crazy about you.” 

“There’s no other like you.” 

“I fucking adore you.”

Lies. All lies. 

You felt pain before, you felt heartbreak before but not like this.

You feel the tears welling up in your eyes but you refuse to cry. You scoff in disbelief and shake your head angrily.

“Sweetheart.” 

You freeze at the sound of his voice. You hear him closing the door. You don’t even bother to blink the tears away before you turn around to look at him. His bangs cling to his sweaty forehead, his hands are shaky, his eyes are filled with regret. 

For a moment, neither of you say anything. You just stare at each other. He sees the pain in your eyes, the pain that he has caused. 

He walks towards you slowly, you don’t move, you just blink as you stare at him in confusion and disbelief. 

He stops in front of you, “I can explain.”

You frown at his words, your bottom lip quivers, a fresh wave of tears well up in your eyes as you stare into the eyes that once brought you so much comfort. 

Explain? Is he serious? What is there to explain? 

You don’t even notice that your tears have started to fall. He cups your cheek and wipes them away. 

His touch brings you nothing but pain. 

You push him away from you, “don’t fucking touch me.” 

Hurt flickers in his eyes, “sweetheart–” 

“I’m not your sweetheart!” 

“Please,” he whispers, “don’t do this.” 

“Do what?” you scoff, shaking your head. 

“Don’t push me away,” he whispers. 

His eyes are glassy, filled with nothing but guilt and pain. 

“What the fuck, Eddie?” you mumble as place your palms against his chest, pushing him further away from you and he lets you, he doesn’t fight it, he just closes his eyes as you keep pushing him back until he is pressed against the same door, that he pushed you against when he kissed you, “what the fuck?” 

“You have a fucking girlfriend? What the hell is wrong with you?” 

He blinks, looking away for a moment, he sniffles, bringing his hand up to his face to wipe his tears away. 

“Why are you crying?” you ask angrily, “why are you fucking crying? You lied to me all this fucking time! You lied about your fucking feelings, you lied about the shit you said to me earlier!” 

He shakes his head.

“I never lied to you about the things that I said. I meant them,” he says as he cups your cheeks again, “I meant them.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you whisper, staring at him in confusion.

He shrugs.

"How long have you been with her, huh?"

He looks down, brown eyes flashing with guilt, "two years," he whispers.

You laugh in disbelief, "two years and you haven't mentioned her once."

You know why, you know exactly why he didn't tell you.

“I-I didn’t want to,” he says, “I didn’t think that anything would happen between us, I-I fought the feelings for a long time but I– I couldn’t fight them any longer and I couldn’t, I just couldn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want me anymore if I told you about her."

"How dare you talk about feelings?” you ask, not even feeling the tears anymore, “you fucking used me, you did so from the start!” 

“What? No!” he shakes his head with wide eyes, “I never used you!” 

“Yes, you fucking did! That’s why you never told me about her! That's why the guys never told me! You used me for everything! You used me for the songs, you used me for this fucking band, you knew who I was– who my dad was! You needed me and you needed to make sure that I stayed, that’s why you spent so much fucking time with me, that’s why you made me like you, that’s why you made me fall in love with you!” you scream at him, your voice heavy with emotions, your eyes filled with nothing but disgust and anger for the man in front of you. You don’t even care about hiding your feelings anymore, you don’t care about hiding the pain or the anger. 

Eddie only stares at you with a shocked expression on his face, he blinks and stands frozen in place. 

He knew you liked him, he knew you liked spending time with him, he knew you liked touching and kissing him but he didn’t know that your feelings were as deep as his. 

“Using me for the music wasn't enough, you just had to go even further, huh? Was I her replacement? You needed someone to keep your bed warm?” you cry, throwing your hands up. 

He doesn’t say a word, he just stares at you as tears slip down his cheeks, not knowing that he makes it all even worse with his silence. 

You sniffle, your chest is filled with so much pain and you begin to struggle to breathe. 

How could you let this happen? How could you not see all the clear signs? How were you so blind? 

He talked to her when you were there, Chris. 

“Chris…calm down! Please.. just stop calling her that.” 

“I’m not coming home, don’t you get it?”

You shake your head at the memories. You can’t even look at him and the broken look in his eyes, you turn away from him as a sob falls from your lips. 

His heart shatters at the sound of it. His own tears run down his face, he rushes towards you, hands itching to touch you and comfort you. 

You want to pull yourself together, you want to stop crying, you want to push him away and walk out of the room but you can’t. Right now, you can’t, it all hurts so much. 

You feel his hands on your cheeks again, he tilts your head up, “I never used you, not in any way, you hear me?” 

“Yes, you did,” you whisper angrily, “you all did, I was a big fucking joke to all of you! You needed me for this stupid band, you said so yourself, remember? And while you were at it, you decided to use me too because she wasn’t there!” 

“No!” he pulls you closer, you can feel the shakiness of his hands, you can see how much he’s hurting too, “that’s not true, at all!” Yes it is, no one and nothing can convince you otherwise. 

You close your eyes and shake your head, the stiffness in your body disappears and you melt into his touch, you’re exhausted. Eddie leans down, his lips touch your cheeks, he kisses your tears away, “please, that’s not what happened. I– we never used you. I wanted you right from the start, I wanted you in the band, I wanted you with me,” he mumbles against your skin. 

“Just stop, Eddie,” you whisper even though you want to yell at him and push him away from you. 

He continues to kiss your tears away as you stand there frozen in place. 

“Please, just stop,” your voice breaks and so does his heart. One look into your eyes and he knows, he lost you. 

“I’m done with this,” you say shakily, “I’m done with you.” 

His bottom lip quivers, his face falls and just the sight of him alone is enough to shatter the last piece of your already broken heart. 

“Please.” 

“Stay away from me, Eddie,” you whisper as you take one final look at him before you turn away. 

His shoulders slump as he begins to cry harder, he wants to follow you, he wants to take your hand, he wants to pull you into his arms again but all he can do is watch you leave. 

You grab your jacket and wipe your tears away before you open the door and walk out with fresh tears in your eyes. 

Betrayal and heartbreak is all you feel. His tears, his pleading eyes, his words, his touches didn’t convince you. You don’t believe him, you don’t believe a single word he told you. 

You feel stupid, you feel like a fool for falling for him, for believing him. All this time, he led you on. 

Using you for the music was one thing but using you to fill the hole that she left when she wasn’t there was another. 

You press your lips together to keep yourself from sobbing. Putting the jacket on, you walk away, not bothering to look for the others. You don’t want to see them, you don’t want to see anyone. You don’t want to go on the tour bus, you don’t want to go back into the hotel room that you have shared with Eddie. 

“Y/n!” 

You clench your jaw at the sound of Gareth’s voice. 

“Wait up for me!” 

You halt in your tracks, closing your eyes, you take a deep breath. You turn around and tilt your head as you look at him.

His hair is wet and he changed his clothes, you can smell his aftershave as he stops in front of you. His eyes widen a little, guilt flashes in them, he speaks your name softly. 

“What do you want?” you ask. 

The anger rises up in you again. He pushed you into Eddie’s arms, he did everything to bring the two of you together, all while knowing about his girlfriend. 

“I-I.. shit, I didn’t think this would happen.” 

A look of disbelief settles on your face and you can’t help but laugh at his words despite the burning in your eyes. 

“Well, what did you think would happen, huh?” you ask, not caring about the prying eyes of the staff. 

Gareth sighs, looking down, “I just, Eddie likes you and you like him, I just wanted.. to help.” 

You scoff, shaking your head, “help? You helped real fucking good, Gareth. He had a girlfriend all this time and you what? You thought that it would be fun to convince him to cheat on her with me?” you point to yourself, “the fool that fell in love with that asshole?”

He shakes his head with wide eyes. 

"No, I-I thought he would leave her, I didn't even know that they were still together, you were so close, I thought it was over."

Bullshit.

“What a fucking shit show,” you mumble before you walk away to look for one of the security guards that will get you out of the venue. You don’t want to be around any of them tonight. 

-

Eddie walks out of the room after wiping the tears off that continued to fall after you left.

“There you are,” Chrissy says as she walks towards him after leaving the conversation with Rob. 

He plasters a smile on his face as he looks at his girlfriend. 

“Is everything okay?” she asks, reaching for his hand. 

He nods, “yeah, everything is okay, Chrissy,” he lies. 

She furrows her brows and stares at her boyfriend, “you know, I thought you’d be happier to see me.” 

“I am happy, Chris,” he mumbles, “I’m just tired.” 

A breathy sigh leaves her lips, she stands on her tippy toes and places her hands on his chest as she starts to kiss his neck, “are you really? I missed you,” she purrs as she continues to kiss his neck, “I thought we’d make up for lost time tonight.” 

Eddie closes his eyes, he places his hands on her waist and sighs, not out of pleasure but out of frustration. He can’t do this, he doesn’t want to do this. 

“Come on,” he mumbles, “I just want to go back to the hotel.” 

She gives him one last peck before she pulls away. 

The smile he gives her is so painful and forced, he is surprised that she doesn’t question it. 

“I didn’t know you were planning a surprise.” 

“I uh–” she lets out a quiet laugh, “I’m actually here for Aubrey’s bachelorette party, we’ve been here since monday.” 

“Oh,” he nods. Of course she didn’t come here just for him. 

“How are things back home?” he asks to fill the awkward silence between them.

Her blue eyes flash with something unreadable, she looks away for a moment before she looks back at him with a sheepish smile on her face, “good.. yeah, they’re good.” 

“Do you see Wayne sometimes?” 

She laughs a little as she shakes her head, “where would I see him, Eddie?” 

He frowns at her words, shrugging, “at the store?” he suggests, “family video? I know you love to get your movies there.” 

She looks down, “I never see him around,” she shrugs. 

Leaving the venue was always a lot, fans were waiting outside, hoping for an autograph or a picture or more and usually, everyone would stop to engage with the fans but everything was different tonight. Gareth felt guilty after the conversation with you, giving his fangirls nothing more than a few smiles and hugs before disappearing in the tour bus, Jeff signed a few poster and so did Johnny but Eddie walked straight into the tour bus, trying to shield his girlfriend from the prying eyes and the paparazzis.

Eddie doesn’t mind the fans but he hates the media, the flashing lights, the prying eyes and the questions that are constantly thrown at him and at you. 

As he looked around, he noticed that everyone was there but you. 

“Where’s y/n?”

“She already left,” Rob says with a pointed look on his face, “with one of the security guards.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

-

You felt angry on stage. 

You felt angry when you talked to him. 

You felt angry when you talked to Gareth. 

You felt angry on the way back to the hotel. 

But the moment you stepped into your hotel room and turned the lights on, your eyes fell on the bed that you shared with Eddie earlier, all the anger disappeared and all you felt was agonizing pain in your chest. 

He left his things here, the shirt he wore earlier is still on the bed, his sunglasses are still on the dresser, his leather jacket is draped over the chair. One of his necklaces laying next to yours that you have taken off this morning. 

You close your eyes as you lean your back against the door. 

You are still in disbelief, still in shock. You feel like a zombie as you waltz through the room, throwing your jacket on the chair by the window, you take your boots off and throw them on the floor. You collect some fresh clothes before you make your way to the bathroom to take a shower. 

Usually, you are excited to wash the sweat off from performing all night but tonight, you just want to wash his touch off. As though that could ever be possible. 

His touches, his kisses are burned into your skin for eternity.

You stand there for what feels like forever, your legs almost give out and you have to sit down to keep yourself from falling. You pull your knees up to your chest and let the water fall down on you. 

You sit there until the room is filled with steam and the heat gets too much. 

The tears don’t appear until you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

You brush your hair and stare at the marks that Eddie left on your neck, the tears begin to fall, staining your cheeks once again. 

He touched you and thought of someone else. 

He kissed you and had her on his mind. 

You were nothing but a placeholder. A body to keep his bed warm. 

He was using you while you were falling in love with him like a fool.

You feel sick, you feel like screaming your lungs out, you feel like destroying things, you feel like destroying yourself, you feel like punishing yourself for being so stupid and blind.  

You turn off the lights and leave the bathroom just as a knock on your door echoes through the silent room. 

“Y/n, kid, are you in there?” 

You sigh in relief when you hear Rob’s voice on the other side of the door. 

“Yeah.” 

“Is uh– is everything okay? You need anything?” 

With your eyes closed, you lean against the door. Warm tears slide down your cheeks, your breathing gets heavy and you can feel yourself nearing a breakdown. 

“No, I’m good, I’m just gonna get some sleep now,” you say. 

“Okay. Don’t miss breakfast tomorrow, alright?” 

“I won’t.”

“Good night, kid.” 

“Night.” 

You drag yourself to the bed, throwing Eddie’s shirt on the ground as you lift the covers and crawl inside. The moment your head hits the pillow and you smell him, a sob falls from your lips. You squeeze your eyes shut and pull the blanket up to your chest. 

The pain is unbearable.

You never understood what your dad felt like when he got his heart broken, you could only imagine it. 

Now you understand it. 

Now you understand everything. 

Through the thin hotel room walls, Eddie can hear you crying. He can hear your sobs, he can hear you suffering. Because of him. He wants nothing more than to go over to your room and pull you into his arms, hold you and take away all the pain that he has caused but he can’t.

Another girl is laying in his arms, snuggling into his chest with a sigh. She sleeps soundly in his arms. 

Eddie looks down at her and his heart hurts. She is not the one he wants any longer. He doesn’t want her in his arms, he wants you. 

Your cries make him cry, hot tears run down his skin, staining the pillow he is lying on. He broke your heart and his own too. 

Losing you was something he was always afraid of but he hoped that he could prevent it, he hoped that he could break things off with her before you found out. 

But everything he had built with you fell apart in one night. 

And he knows that there is nothing he can do to change it, there is nothing he can do to fix it. He ruined it all himself. 

Maybe there is a way for you to fall back together but deep down he knows, he lost you. 

-

If there is one useful thing that your mother has taught you in one of the few phone calls you have had with her, it’s to never show how much you’re hurting. 

‘You always gotta look good, even if you don’t feel good. You don’t need others to be all up in your business and see how much you’re suffering. They want to see you suffer, don’t show them.’ 

So you pull yourself together even if you don’t feel like it. 

‘Always make sure your hair looks good, fix your makeup, wear your best clothes, smell good.’ 

You do your hair, you put on makeup, you pick out a good outfit and your favorite shoes, you put your favorite perfume on. 

‘Smile, honey. Don’t show them how miserable you are, you don’t want to give them that satisfaction.’ 

You nod to yourself as you look into the mirror. 

‘And if someone hurts you, make sure to hurt them back. Make them suffer.’ 

Yeah, thanks mom. 

The thought of seeing Eddie makes you feel sick and yet you make your way into the dining area. 

You don’t hear the whispers around you and you don’t feel the eyes on you, focused on something— someone entirely else as you get yourself a coffee before leaving the buffet to look for the others. 

You find them sitting at a round table by the big windows. All of them are there, including Eddie and his girlfriend. You clench your jaw at the sight of them. 

Your heart aches in your chest when you see her moving closer to him, whispering something in his ear as she pushes his hair away. It makes you angry, he makes you angry and she makes you angry too. You want to rip her hands off of him and you want to hurt him. 

Why does he get to be happy after what he did?

“You spend the night by yourself, Gareth?” Rob asks as he sips on his coffee. 

Gareth hums, “yeah, I–”  he pauses to shovel the scrambled eggs into his mouth, “didn’t feel like hooking up with some stranger.” 

Chrissy gives him a disgusted look as he talks with his mouth full, “ew,” she mumbles. 

Gareth gives her sarcastic grin before he stabs his fork into his pancake and takes a bite out of it. 

She rolls her eyes and turns away from him. 

Rob chuckles, “look at you, turning into a whole new man,” he jokes causing Jeff to laugh. 

“Yeah, he is ready to settle down,” Johnny grinnes. 

Gareth swallows, almost choking on his food, he reaches for the orange juice and gulps it down, wiping his mouth with his sleeve to piss off Chrissy, he smirks to himself when she hears her mumbling something under her breath. 

“Settling down isn’t my thing, look at Eddie, he is in a relationship and he’s miserable,” he says as though he is stating a fact as he places his elbows on the table and points to his friend with his fork. 

Eddie’s puffy eyes widen and he looks at his friend in surprise. 

“He is not miserable!” Chrissy gasps in disbelief. 

Jeff clears his throat. 

“He looks pretty miserable to me, Christy.” 

She glares at him as she tries to come up with a response. 

Eddie avoids looking into her eyes, instead he looks at Jeff, who stops chewing as he stares at something behind his shoulder, his eyes widen a little and he suddenly looks nervous. 

Eddie's eyes flash with curiosity. 

Just as he’s about to turn around, he suddenly feels a ringed hand settling on his shoulder and sliding down his back. It’s your hand. His heart flutters and so does his stomach, even with his girlfriend here.

You place your coffee on the table and sit down on the chair next to Eddie’s. Everyone pauses what they’re doing, staring at you with nervous and curious looks on their faces. 

You smile as though nothing ever happened. 

You turn to look at Eddie. You have to restrain a gasp when you see the puffiness and the dark circles under his eyes. He looks just as miserable as you are feeling and the sight alone is almost enough to make you cry again but you keep smiling at him, sliding your hand back up to his shoulder, you lean closer, “good morning, baby.” You kiss the corner of his mouth. Your lips linger for longer than necessary, you watch his eyes widen in shock, a little gasp falling from his lips.

Chrissy stares at you, frozen in place just like her dumbfound boyfriend. 

A shit eating grin appears on Gareth's face.

Johnny stares at you in shock.

Rob smiles into his mug and Jeff almost spits his food out as he looks between you and Eddie and then at Chrissy who stands up suddenly, chair scraping against the floor as she looks at you angrily, “what the fuck?!” She shrieks, “Eddie!” 

Chrissy looks down at him in disbelief as he makes no move to remove your hand or push you away from him or look up at her. His eyes are on you as he sits there frozen in place.

He doesn't move when Chrissy slaps his shoulder, he doesn't move when she says his name again.

Leaving your hand to rest on his shoulder, you take your mug and take a sip as you stare at him with a satisfied smile on your face. 

Two can play that game, Eddie. 

"What's wrong, Chrissy?" you ask with a sweet smile.

She shakes her head, furrowing her brows at your question, "why are you kissing my boyfriend?"

"Do you want a kiss too?" you ask.

She gasps, "I- what?!"

Eddie gapes at you.

Gareth can't even contain his laughter any longer, earning a slap on his shoulder from Jeff.

"Eddie and I share everything, didn't he tell you?"

You move his hair back, running your fingers through it as you lean your chin on his shoulder and he lets you.

Her cheeks are red, her eyes are filled with anger as she looks between you and Eddie. It's amusing to you.

"Eddie?"

He finally tears his eyes away from you and looks up her. His confused stare turns into a guilty one and she easily figures out why he looks so guilty.

"Chris-"

"You asshole!" she cries as she delivers a harsh slap to his cheek before she storms away.

Eddie closes his eyes, clenching his jaw, he deserved that.

The moment she's gone, you move away from Eddie and you lean back in your chair, taking a look around, you smirk to yourself when you see all the shocked faces.

Rob scratches the back of his neck as he glances at you.

Eddie speaks your name softly.

You expected him to get mad at you, to yell at you and ask you why you did that but instead you're met by the sight of his soft eyes as you look back at him and irritates you.

"Don't you want to follow your girlfriend, Eddie?"

Confusion is written all over his face as he shakes his head. His cheek is red from the harsh slap, eyes filled with concern and hurt.

"What was that?" he asks, not understanding why you would touch him and kiss him again after what you said to him last night. A foolish part of him hopes that things can go back to the way they were before yesterday but the coldness in your eyes shows him that things will never be the same again.

"That was me showing your girlfriend what a piece of shit you are, Eddie."

Saying these words hurt you just as much as they hurt him.

He says your name with a shaky voice, like he is on the verge of crying.

You can't do this.

You can't do this.

Looking into his glassy eyes, hearing his shaky voice, seeing how hurt he looks, breaks your heart even more.

You thought you could make yourself believe that you would be fine, that you could pretend that it doesn't hurt but you would be lying to yourself.

You get up and storm out of the room without looking back.

"Y/n!"

He didn't follow her out but he follows you.

You walk through the lobby and back to the elevators, blinking your tears away.

"Wait!"

He grabs your upper arm and pulls you back, placing both of his hands on your arms, he cages you against the nearest wall so you don't escape him again.

"Let me go."

He shakes his head.

You can see the fear and the pain in his eyes, the sadness; as though he wasn't the one that got him into this situation in the first place. Your heart still hurts.

"Please," he whispers, "I know I fucked up, I know what I did was wrong, I should have told you, I should have left her before we-"

"Stop," you sigh, "I don't wanna hear it."

"I'm just, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did."

His eyes are filled with tears and yours are too.

"Last night you told me that you have feelings for me-"

"I do," he says, squeezing your arms.

"How long have you known then?"

"For some time now, before we left California."

You nod, sniffling, you look down and close your eyes.

"See, I don't believe a word you're saying, Eddie. If you did have feelings for me, you would have left her- I'm not saying that you should have done that, I don't want to be a fucking home wrecker but a good person would have been honest about their feelings and leave their partner before becoming a fucking cheater," you pause as you take a deep breath and look back into his sad eyes, "you didn't tell her anything, you didn't tell me anything. You don't have feelings for me, you needed me to keep yourself satisfied and now that I know the truth, you do everything to make me believe you because you're scared."

You push him away from you, "you're scared that I'll leave the band because you know, you'd be nothing without me."

"No, please, y/n," he sighs in defeat, "that's not true, I don't even care about that, I care about you, about us."

"There is no us, there never was and there never will be," you say, staring at him through your blurry vision, "I'll stay for the rest of the tour but the moment it's over, the moment we're back in LA, I'm out and I never want to see you again after this, Eddie."

He starts crying and so do you.

"No," he whispers.

The look in his eyes and pain in his voice destroys you, it leaves a hole in your heart.

Your eyes are filled with betrayal and heartbreak.

His eyes are filled with pain, fear and heartbreak too.

Now you are nothing but two broken people.

And this is only the beginning of all the pain that is about to follow.

-

Taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @cry-for-u @mysticmunson @eddielives1986 @1paire2vans @poisonedluv @sherrylyn628 @aysheashea @kaitebugg03 @lma1986 @aftermidnightwriting @miarosso @novelnovella @magenta-moon @strawberries-n-lavender @bibieddiesgf @michaelfuckinglangdon @tlclick73 @hazydespair @veravee-blog @lfaewrites @saayanaaa @madaboutjoe @papichulo120627 @emma77645 @joantje @eddiiiieeee @harringtonfan4 @kukisthings @unfocused81 @pwinglez1 @a-dreamy-sagittarius @riddlesinthenight @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint

[kimbappykidding]

"Our first show!" your leader cried, always the bundle of positivity and confidence. Meanwhile you just nodded, nervous about the performance ahead and other things. Your leader sensed you were all a little nervous so prepared a pep talk. "We're all gonna be great! We've trained for this, our song is great and we can smash it so no reason to be nervous. Let's do it for our fans okay?". "Okay!" you and your members cried. You were a new 8-person girl group and you were the lead dancer. You'd debuted 1 week ago and so far it'd been good. Fans liked your song and your company was pleased with your performance on tv shows but tonight was the big challenge. A live show! No second chances or edits. The good thing is there were a few friendly faces in the audience. Seventeen were sat at their table when the stage was set-up for the next act and Jeonghan read your group name on the background. "Hey it's Y/n's group!" he called and while some members nodded others paused. "Who?" Seungkwan asked. "Y/n, she was a trainee in the early days until...when did she leave again Joshua? They’re good friends". Joshua of course knew this was your group, he'd suspected you’d be here tonight and checked online. He'd seen your debut and liked your song. He watched the music video a fair few times but this was the first time he’d seen you in person for almost 3 years so he was slightly nervous. "She left at the end of 2014" he told Jeonghan. Vernon frowned "how come?". "She got offered the position of lead dancer whereas she was a rapper in the other group. She liked being a rapper but wanted to do more dancing so she made the change". "Did you stay in touch?" Dino asked and after a pregnant pause Scoups changed the subject.

Your group came on and got a warm reception which wasn't surprising. Your song had already done very well for a debut and it wouldn't be surprising if you won some awards tonight. He recognised you right away of course. You looked good. Trouser and big boots, which matched you perfectly and really fed into your cool concept. He knew you wouldn’t approve of being stuffed into a small skirt and was pleased your stylist seemed to know you so well. It was weird you looked so different and at the same time the exact same. You were of course 3 years older than when he last saw you. You'd both been teenagers back then, kids really, but now were older and more mature. You seemed more confident and sure of yourself which Joshua liked. He wondered how else you'd changed. Did he even still know you? but that thought hurt him so he ignored it and watched you perform. Joshua smiled along with the others, unable to resist smiling and then your dance break came up. Joshua paused as you emerged in the centre of the girls and very confidently made your way forwards. You strut to the front of the stage and delivered your choreo perfectly. "That's her?" Seungkwan asked Joshua and he nodded "yeah". "She's really good". Joshua nodded "she is". When your song finished everyone cheered and Joshua saw a huge smile burst onto your face. He smiled despite himself remembering how it felt to have that smile directed at him. His smile dipped slightly and then he felt eyes on him. He caught Scoups watching him and quickly put the smile back into place. You hugged your members before disappearing. Backstage you were all experiencing the adrenaline of a successful performance. You took your seat out with all the idols to watch the rest of the show and Seventeen's interview came on. "Hey Y/n don't you know Seventeen well?" a younger member asked. You nodded "yeah I trained with them". "Who's the one that visited you that one time at the dorms?". You blushed at the memory. It had been the one and only time Joshua came to your dorm. You had no idea boys were not allowed in them or that the girls would react how they did to a boy being alone with you in your room. "Joshua" you said "he's the one in the light blue top". You couldn't see his face from this angle but you knew it was him. Even if you hadn't seen him earlier you'd have known. He looked good. He'd gotten even taller and more muscular. His chest in particular looked very defined and his hair was your favourite black colour. "Woah he's hot!" one of your members commented and you laughed "yeah he never struggled with his looks". "He's American too isn't he?" another asked and you nodded "yeah that's why we got on at first. We'd talk about back home when we were homesick, our hometowns are only a bus ride from each other". "Awww that's sweet, are you still friends?". You paused "erm yeah...we don't talk much but were friends". The leader shot you a sympathetic look and you pretended you didn't see it. At the end of the show all the idols came on stage. As you were new you were right at the back which of course you didn't mind. Honestly you were just happy to be there. You were so excited you didn't even realise Joshua's group was walking past you until Scoups and Jeonghan waved to you as they passed. You grinned waving back and they disappeared to the front. As everyone was walking off stage Joshua led the way for his group but Jeonghan went a different way and others followed. Joshua had seen Scoups and Jeonghan wave to you and figured they were going to see you. He craned his neck from the front, trying to see but couldn't spot you. Finally the rest of his members appeared all smiling so he knew something had happened. "Where were you guys?" he asked and Jeonghan shrugged "just saying hi to Y/n". "She remembered me" The8 smiled and Jeonghan laughed "of course she did! Y/n was so nice, she knew everyone's names". "Have you spoken to her yet?" Mingyu asked and Joshua shook his head "no I didn't see her but I'll text her later or something". "Why don't we just wait around for her?" Seungkwan asked "she's so friendly!". Joshua began to panic but leader to the rescue "no we've got our car waiting so let's go" Scoups said herding them to the door. Joshua shot him a thankful look and rushed out. Later when they were alone Scoups began checking if Joshua was okay. "So how was it?" Scoups asked. Joshua was going to pretend he didn't know what he meant but he gave up midway through forming a sentence. "Just weird" he shrugged "I feel so distant from her but at the same time she's the same Y/n". Scoups nodded smiling sadly "she hasn't changed. She was so sweet to everyone and I think she made The8's night. She's apparently been learning Mandarin and so she spoke to him in it. He was very impressed". Joshua chuckled "she always did know how to make people feel special". Scoups paused "are you going to text her?". Joshua shrugged "I don't know if it's a good idea...plus part of me is terrified to. Not that she'll be rude or reject me...Y/n's not like that, but that it might be awkward. We haven't spoken since...and I've never had to deal with the aftermath. I haven't had to acknowledge that we're not as close or natural around one another. I don't know if I'm ready for that". Scoups nodded "it's okay. You don't have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with". Joshua nodded "thanks...now I'm going to go take a warm shower and go to bed". Joshua decided not to text you but he turned the notifications on for your group on Twitter and was surprised to see some people make the connection between your two groups. On one variety show a few days later other idols came up and one of your members mentioned how nice Seventeen had been, coming up to you after an award show. The interviewers nodded "ahh yes that fan interaction went viral. Y/n you know them right?" the host asked bringing up a photo of Jeonghan chatting to you. "Yes I grew up with them so even though I haven't seen them in years it felt like I'd never left...leaving the company was so hard because of them" you admitted "but I've got my lovely members and fans now" you said grinning taking your members hands. Later in the show you had to dance to other group's choreography to win points. A Seventeen song came on and you were pushed to the front at the host's requests. This was one of the few times you really didn't want to dance. This was your favourite Seventeen song or had been. Now it just reminded you of Joshua and so you'd stopped listening to it. However you had a bad habit of doing what other people wanted you to do over your own wants and so you dutifully danced. The interview wrapped up soon after and you were dismissed. Your leader took your hand and told you to breathe. "Are you okay?" she whispered when you were in the dressing room. "Why what's wrong?" another member asked and the leader shook her head "nothing just give us a sec yeah?". The girl nodded and the leader looked at you. "I'm fine" you told her "it's just...I haven't heard that song since I left. I always avoided it because it reminded me of him". She nodded and hugged you. "I'll get you some water and open a window. Sit as long as you want" and she rushed off to get your things. You were so grateful for your members but you couldn't get that song out of your mind. The next week you were at another show and it was the last of your promotion circuit. You were ecstatic to hear an interviewer had dropped out last minute and you got to take their place...but didn't know the details. When your leader found out she was very nervous. "Now you don't have to do it. Say the word and I'll get it dropped" she started and your heart began to speed up. "What is it?". "So they just released the co-hosts and yours is...Scoups". You immediately let out your breath and relaxed. You thought she was going to say Joshua. "It's just Scoups? I can do that easily! I love Scoups". Your member smiled "really? Great! They were hoping for an enthusiastic response like that".

You headed for the place where you’d be interviewing groups and saw Scoups stood waiting there. He spotted you and he grinned "trouble’s back". "Hey I was always the best behaved....when I was compared to Jun or Hoshi". Scoups laughed "it's really good to see you! When they told me it was you I was super happy". "Me too" you smiled "but honestly I'm just so excited to get the chance to do this! I never thought we'd be this lucky". "It's not luck it's talent. You all deserve it you've clearly worked so hard". You smiled "thanks coming from you that means a lot". Scoups smiled and then the cameraman told you it was starting. So far you'd had lots of fun. You and Scoups were natural around one another and kept making each other laugh. You did your group interview of Mamamoo and Oneus which went really well. You were just about to praise yourself for getting through the evening when disaster struck. The other host who would've been interviewing later was sick. You knew she'd not been well recently so were worried about her. When they asked if you could take your place you said yes. "Great! You'll be interviewing Seventeen". You froze "what?". Scoups who was with you stopped and stared too. "Seventeen, the group" the staff said confused. You paused "i...i don't know if i can". The staff frowned "but you just said...". "I know but I..." you paused lost and Scoups stepped forwards "how about if I do it?". "No we need a girl too". "Well what if I did it with Y/n?" he asked "can we do it as a pair? It will be fun me interviewing my own members and the fans will love it". The staff shrugged "sure whatever". Scoups turned to you "hey, don't worry I've got this". Trusting him you nodded and got ready to see Joshua again up close for the first time in years. Meanwhile your members were wondering where you were. You'd finished your last interview a while ago but still weren't back. Your leader was just going to send the staff to ask about you when the maknae spotted you. "Is that Y/n!" she yelled pointing at the tv screen.  Your leader went to shake her head when she saw it was you. Stood less than a meter away from Joshua. "Woah she totally matched their outfits!" one of your members cried as you somehow blended in with Seventeen perfectly. "Yeah she looks good with them" another nodded. "Aww this will be nice cus she's friends with them". "Yeah..." the leader said laughing nervously. "Hey isn't that the one who Y/n was close to? The boy who came to our dorm?" one of the maknaes asked. "Yeah so?". "Look how he's watching Y/n!". The members paused and then exploded. "He's totally checking her out!". You and Scoups had a body rolling move thing and when you did it Joshua did indeed do a quick sweep of your body with his eyes. "Were they like...together?" someone asked and everyone looked to the leader. She shrugged "I don't know it's Y/n's business" but they knew that meant yes and exploded.   It actually wasn't as bad as you thought! Scoups took the lead and the members were so nice to you. It helped that Jeonghan and The8 were right in the front. Joshua was to the left behind you so you couldn't really see him which worked for you. When it finished you were wondering if to rush off but paused. Scoups thanked you for doing this with him and Jeonghan appeared telling you you'd done an amazing job. You went to reply when they both looked behind you and you turned to see Joshua standing there. Through the whole thing Joshua's eyes had been glued to you. Every thought he’d had during the entire interview was about you. He was debating if he should speak to you. He wanted to but he was slightly worried. Then he got annoyed at himself for being such a coward so he hyped himself up. When the camera cut he realised you could just disappear but you didn't. Scoups started talking to you and then Jeonghan. He wasn't going to squander his chance again so he stepped forwards before he could lose his nerve. He made his way to you and heard you laugh at something Jeonghan said. His two members looked at him and slowly you turned too. You locked eyes with him and Joshua felt his nerves explode. He knew right then that he still wasn't over you. You looked at Joshua in the eye for the first time in 3 years and felt safe like you always did. He was smiling and despite everything it made you smile. "Hey, great job!" he told you "on the interviewing...and the debut and well everything!". You smiled back. His eyes were doing that really happy smile and you'd always loved it. "Thank you so much! It's honestly been such a whirlwind I can't believe how well it's gone". "Well believe it because you deserve it! We've been playing your song non-stop" Joshua said and the others nodded "literally all the time " Seungkwan nodded. You blushed "aww thank you! I'm so glad you like it and it's so great to see you all again" you said looking at Joshua. Joshua nodded "it's really great to see you again too...hopefully it'll be more often". You paused slightly taken aback by Joshua's comment but also by how it made you feel. You smiled and nodded "yeah i'd like that". Staff suddenly appeared, ushering you off the set and you all began to make your way to the exit. On the way out Joshua chatted to you and it felt like no time had passed. When you had to go different ways he waved to you "bye Y/n, have a nice evening". "You too" you smiled and walked away. The second you were out of earshot Joshua's members pounded. "What was that?" Dino cried and Joshua pauses "what?". "You and Y/n" Seungkwan said wiggling his eyebrow. "You never told us you were a thing!" Vernon cried and all the members began to laugh. "We're not" Joshua said the older members rolled their eyes. "Bullshit! The two of you were always flirting!" Woozi cried “not to mention you were always sneaking off together” Hoshi added. Joshua blushed and the members all made a lot of noise. "This is great she's so nice you have to ask her out!" Dk cried. Joshua shook his head "she's just debuted and we haven't spoken for so long...". "Excuses excuses" The8 called and Joshua smiled. He knew Scoups was watching him carefully but he was genuinely happy. Five minutes with you had done that to him. You had a similar experience. You could feel the excitement in your dressing room the second you stepped inside. Your members tried to hide it but the maknae broke. "Y/n your friend was checking you out" she cried. You paused "who?". "Joshua" one smiled at you and you shook your head "he wasn't!". "Yes he was, look!" and they placed a phone in front of you. You watched as Joshua did indeed check you out and they all erupted. "Y/n the two of you would make such a hot couple!" and they all rushed to agree. "Yes! Plus you already have a thing and you're both American...it has to happen". You blushed, shaking your head "we're just friends okay?". "For now" they teased" and you rolled your eyes but couldn't stop smiling. "So tonight went well" Scoups said when they were back home. It was just him, Jeonghan and Joshua so he figured it was safe. Jeonghan looked at Joshua at those words but he didn’t need to be worried.. Joshua nodded "yeah it did..." and he couldn't help a smile "she's just like she always was". Jeonghan nodded smiling "yep same old Y/n". Joshua looked at their expressions and sighed "I realised tonight I still have those feelings for her...and I know you're going to say I should leave it alone and not get involved but I want to speak to her again. I want to be around her because I care about her...even after all this time that hasn't dimmed". Scoups smiled "I wasn't going to tell you to stay away from her". "You weren't?" he asked. Scoups shook his head "watching the two of you together it was just like old times and I forgot how nice it was. The way you both light up around each other...get back in contact with her Joshua". "Yeah?" he asked and Jeonghan smiled "yes! We're not saying jump into dating but text her for christ's sake". Joshua laughed "okay okay I'm going" and rushed away. You were just getting ready for bed when you saw your phone light blink. You clicked it on and jumped to see an old but familiar name. "Hey it was really great seeing you again, I forgot how much fun it was. I'd love to catch up sometime if you're up for it? Joshua". You smiled before you could stop yourself. You re-read the text several times before texting back. "Hi, I enjoyed it too. I forgot how nice it is not being the only Korean American in the room. I'd love to meet up how's next week?" and you buried your face in your pillow. Joshua was back in your life and despite your past and the rational part of your brain telling you to be careful...you couldn’t help but smile. 

This is a two part series and part two is available here. 

Also, I know Joshua joined later compared to the other members but just pretend he joined early in the process okay? Thank you! 

[fancyfeathers]

Okay I was scrolling through one of my favorite blogs, @yandere-wishes, and reading through their posts about ballet in yandere content and then I saw their posts about a certain William James Moriarty and then it clicked…

He would have a ballerina darling.

I need you to bear with me on this one, but I know a lot about ballet and the history of it because I am a ballerina. Historically, especially around the time Moriarty the Patriot takes place, ballerinas were also female entertainment after performances. Opera houses and theaters were essentially gentlemen’s clubs after performances, men of the higher classes would visit these girls and young ladies, who were basically living off of pennies, and in exchange for their time and sometimes their bodies the girls would receive gifts like just enough money to pay for rent, better point shoes that would only last a few weeks at most, better clothing that they wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise. Even if they didn’t want to this is what they needed to do in order to survive and even parents of these woman made them do it.

So just imagine all three brothers go to the ballet together to perhaps look into the owner of the theater due to rumors of abuse of their employees. After the show when they go backstage they hear the sound of yelling and following it to see a frightened young lady who looks like she is about to cry being scolded by the ballet mistress. She apparently messed up during the performance and while she did it was for a reason. She tries to explain to the instructor why she was so tired during the performance but the older lady won’t hear any of it, only telling her to wipe away her pathetic tears so she go out onto the floor like the other girls to “mingle” with the guests, since she was just expressing how she needed new shoes. The girl sighs as her superior walks off and she goes off to one of the vanities to freshen up and as she is reapplying her makeup and wiping away her tears, Williams sees what she was crying about…

He spots finger shaped bruises on her wrists along with more bruises just barely hiding under her costume.

She looks like she is about to break down crying again as she cries to readjusts her makeup and hair in the mirror, knowing that it is only going to end up being ruined again by the end of the night. That’s when a larger hand grabs the brush from her own hand, that was trembling so badly that she almost dropped it. She looks in the reflection of the mirror to see a handsome man behind her with blond hair and scarlet eyes. He smiles at her ever so kindly as he begins to help her brush through her hair…

“Now why do you stain you face with such tears? What is wrong, my dear?”

And she cracks, telling this near stranger everything, what she has to do to earn her living, what people do to her, she cries as quietly as she can so no one can hear her as she tells him how she just it wants it all to stop. He smiles at her as he tries her hair up with the ribbon she had in it before during the performance and simply tells her…

“Then your wish is my command.”

He gives her money so that she doesn’t have to perform any unsavory activities with the people here tonight and she can just go home to get a good night’s rest. She doesn’t get his name as she nods and runs off to get changed and while she is out of sight, William asks one of his brothers to follow her home so she gets back safely while he goes to speak with a few of the others that are there that night, not to get her address because he already knows it, an apartment in a poorer area of the city. He also knows that her mother forced her into this and then kicked her out when she told her that she didn’t want to do it anymore, he knows that her father is dead, he knows that she only continues this job because she has no where else to go and if she looses it because an incident happened to the owners of the theater that ended in their untimely deaths then she would have no source of income.

She would come home in tears when she lost her job, both in relief and sadness, and be told by her landlord that a young gentleman was here to see her, with a mention that rent was due by the end of the week that she had no way to pay for. So she goes up to her apartment to see that same gentleman from that night sitting in her apartment, smiling at her…

After all she is going to need some place to live once she can’t pay rent anymore.

[vintagepresley]

68' Comeback Special... Part 10.1

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader

Word Count: 5,952 Words

Warnings: 18+ Pregnancy complications, talks of blood, cursing, mentions of a emergency c-section, panic attack, and tons of cute fluff, typical Elvis stuff.

Author's Notes: ELVIS IS A DADDDY. Hi y'all, sorry this took me so long to get out. I will be splitting this last part into two because it became so long. But I promise to get that out faster than I did this one. But thank you for being so patient. I promise some smut will be in the next one!! Check out the Elvis song ‘My Happiness’ if you haven’t heard it already! Possible spelling errors. (side note: @moonchild-daniella I used one of the baby names you suggested! thank you!)

My Happiness...

“E-Elvis… W-Where’s Elvis…” you repeated over and over unaware of what was happening around you as the paramedics wheeled you out the ambulance into the hospital. Your mother was at your side trying her best to stay calm and reassuring you that Elvis would be there. She was shaken up even more when the doctors wouldn’t allow her into the operating room with you. She stood in the hallway pacing back and forth nervously as she waited for your father to arrive at the hospital, but who she saw instead was Jerry the man she remembered who brought you home. She quite relieved to see a familiar face and she ran over to him giving him the tightest hug. “I came as soon as I heard. What happened?!” he said worriedly as he pulled back from the hug. “I-I don’t know. One minute she was fine and then the next she wasn’t and there was so much blood.” She cried and Jerry embraced her into another hug and soon after your father arrived and the three of them waited patiently for answers. Jerry was waiting to hear any updates from some of the guys who were in California and had been in contact with Elvis from the plane. Jerry hoped that nothing would happen to you or the baby. He knew Elvis would blame himself and he wouldn’t be able to handle it which only send him down a dark spiral. Tenses were on high and by now your mother was inconsolable because of how long they were taking to let them all know what was going on. 

In the operating room where you were less than coherent you just couldn’t stop mumbling on about Elvis and how he needed to be here until they had sedated you and began to work hard at trying to stop the bleeding and finding the source of the problem and after about an hour of waiting and no answers your mother, father, and Jerry hopped to their feet the moment they saw the doctor walking to them and it was hard to tell if he had good news or bad news. As the doctor approached, he let out a soft sigh. “Well, we’ve got the bleeding to stop, but we did discover that she had an infection and severe inflammation. Had she been complaining about any kind of unusual pain?” he asked. Your mother shook her head. “N-No, she seemed to have the usual problems back pain, swelling if there was anything else going on she hadn’t told me.” She responses. “So, what does that mean doctor? Is she and the baby going to be alright?” your father chimes in. “For now, she and the baby are both stable, but we’re still looking to see just how much the infection spread and if it’s affected the baby and if so, we unfortunately may have to do an emergency c-section, if we can’t stop it.” He says softly.  “What?! She’s not due for another month. What will happen to the baby?” your mother says frantically. “If all goes well the baby should be fine, it may have to spend some time in the NICU but that’s normal with premature babies.” He said trying to assure your mother of her fears before he went back to the operation room.

Your mother couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and your father consoled her that the doctors know what they are doing and that they will both be okay. Jerry didn’t know what to do and he was so worried that Elvis wouldn’t make it in time if they did have to perform an emergency c-section, he quickly walked off to find a payphone to see if there were any other updates on Elvis’ flight. He dialed the number to the phone on his private plane and nervously holding the phone up to his ear as the line trilled quietly and suddenly Charile picked up the phone. “Hello?” he said. “Charlie, it’s Jerry, how much longer until you guys get here?” Jerry asked. “Oh hey, Jerry, it’s lookin’ like another hour or two. How is she? The baby?” he says he looks over at Elvis who was staring out of the plane window with a look of worry and panic on his face, but he tried to keep it together. But when he heard Charlie speaking about you, he jumped out of his seat and demanded for him to give him the phone. Charlie handed the phone over to him and his voice was shaky and frantic sounding. “Jerry? What’s going on? How’s my girl?” he asks nervously. “Doctor said she had some kind of infection or inflammation and that they’re checking to see if it’s affected baby.” He paused for a moment and let out a soft sigh. “What? What is it?” Elvis panicked. “Listen man.. They said if the infection has spread, they’re going to have to get baby out.” Jerry said hesitately. “What?! But it’s not time! W-What if something happens to the baby? H-How can they just do that!?” his voice shaky and he was nearly on the verge of tears. “Elvis, listen to me, the doctors say the baby should be fine it’ll have to spend some time in the hospital. But things should be fine.” Jerry tried to reassure him not really feeling confident about things himself, but the last thing he wanted was for Elvis to drive himself mad with worry. 

Elvis exhaled softly as he nodded at Jerry’s reassuring words. “T-Thank you, Jerry. Thank you for being there for her. I.. I’m sorry for everything.” He said softly. “Ah, I forgotten all about that. It’s all in the past and you don’t need to thank me I care about her and you. You’re my best friends.” Jerry smiled. Elvis chuckled softly with the first smile he’s had all day. “I’ll see you soon and if anything changes call me right away.” He says. “Of course, man.” Jerry responded before hanging up the phone and heading back over to your parents as the three of them continued to wait for more answers. Elvis had several things going through his mind and speaking with Jerry helped him a bit, but he was still so worried. You were the love of his life the woman that was going to make him a father and he lost you he’d have nothing. He didn’t care about anything else in his life especially if you weren’t around. Now with the possibility of you having the baby early he was just a nervous wreck. But the only thing he could do, what he knew that could help was praying and that’s what he did the entire way to California. Joe and Charlie wished that there was something that they could do, but neither of them knew what to say or how to even comfort their friend. But much like Jerry they were going to do their best to reassure him that you would be okay. 

Another long hour had passed and as the doctor came walking back out your parents, and Jerry all stood up hoping to hear good news, but as the doctor let out a sigh they couldn’t tell if what he was about to say was good or bad. “Just tell us straight out, doctor.” Your father said nervously. “Unfortunately, it looks like an emergency c-section is our only option due to the infection spreading to the baby. So far, the baby from what we could tell is okay, again once we do this the baby will need to be in NICU for a bit. But mother and child should be okay, it’s good thing you brought her to the hospital when you did.” He nodded. Your mother and father were beside themselves but trusting that their daughter and grandchild were in good hands. Jerry was completely panicked still seeing there was no sign of Elvis. “I-I’ve gotta call Elvis... He needs to be here.” Jerry says before running off to the payphone. Jerry frantically adding money into the payphone and dialing the number to Elvis’ plane, nervously waiting for someone to pick up as the line shrilled, once again Charlie answered. “Hello?” he said. “Charlie, put Elvis on the phone now.” Jerry said frantically. Charlie quickly let Elvis know Jerry was on the phone and Elvis took the phone quick. “What’s the matter? What happened?” Elvis says panicked. “Where are you? How long until you get here? They’re going through with the c-section.” Jerry blurts out. “Goddamn it! We should be landing in about 20 minutes. You gotta try to get them to wait, man... I-I-I can’t miss the birth of my child. I need to be there for Y/N.” he said with a sadness in a voice but still freaked out. 

Jerry sighs. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that, Elvis. I don’t know if they can wait. But I guess I’ll try.” He says unsure of himself. “Please Jerry, please..” Elvis pleads. “Okay, okay, just hurry.” Jerry says before hanging up, he was going to do everything he could to try to slow the process, but if there’s no chance of that Jerry didn’t know what he was going to do and he knew Elvis would feel even worse about this situation if he couldn’t be there for you when you would need him the most. He had just caught the doctor before he was about to walk away as he came back over to your parents. “Doctor?” Jerry calls out to him. The doctor stopping in his tracks and turning back around to catch Jerry’s worried gaze. “I know this is gonna sound crazy, but is there any way to hold off until the father is here? He’s landing in 20 minutes and shouldn’t take him long to get here.” Jerry asks quite nervously. “Uh, I don’t know.. The sooner we do this the better.” the doctor insists. “I-I know, but he doesn’t want to miss the birth of his child. If it’s no harm to her or the baby, is it possible?” Jerry asked. The doctor exhaled softly. “I’ll see what I can do..” he says softly before walking away. Jerry let out a relieved sigh, hoping that they’d be able to, he nervously continued to check his watch waiting for Elvis to show up. 

You were still under the anesthesia having no idea what was going on in outside world but as you were knocked out on that cold table with doctors and nurses buzzing around you, your mind was still running and you had no idea that you were in a dream the last moments you remember calling out to Elvis and in your dream Elvis never makes it to the hospital and it was turning into a nightmare, taking the turn for the worse the very thought of losing your child crept into this dream and all you felt was guilt. That this was all your fault, that if you hadn’t angered him, left or if you had gone back when he asked, he would’ve been here for you, maybe none of this would’ve happened. You’d have your happy little family with Elvis. You were wavering in and out of your dream and sometimes hearing the faint sounds of the beeping hospital machines, distant chatter, but unable to open your eyes and you’d eventually fall back into that deep slumber until you could no longer hear the noises. 

Jerry was a nervous wreck as if he was the one becoming a father as he stared at his watch and the entry way of the hospital hoping Elvis would be walking through it. Elvis had landed and he was on his way as quick as he could be to the hospital, the guys doing their best to avoid the pesky LA traffic. The doctor came walking back out and feeling that he had held off on the operation long enough, telling Jerry and your parents that he understands the situation, but they need to operate for the sake of the mother and child. Just as Jerry was about to give up and agree for them to do what they need to do; Elvis came bursting into the hospital like a bat out of hell with the rest of the guys and his father following behind him and he came rushing over to Jerry and your parents’ side. “Where is she? Where’s my girl?!” he said frantically. The doctor in shock to see who the father was, and he was starstruck for just a moment. Jerry felt so relieved to see Elvis and felt like he could finally relax for a moment. “Thank god, you made it!” Jerry says with a soft sigh. Once the doctor got control of the room and setting aside who was standing before him. His tone was quite serious. “She’s in the operating room right now. We need to do the c-section; we will not wait any longer. We can get you in the proper attire to be with her in the room.” The doctor said with a nod. Elvis nodding swiftly to the doctors’ words. “Well, let’s not wait any longer, doc, let’s go.” Elvis said calmly, but still visibly nervous. 

Everyone looked on as they watched Elvis headed back with the doctor and he was taking slow breathes trying to keep calm, not only was he nervous for your wellbeing and his child’s, but he was nervous about also becoming a father. As they suited him up in the proper PPE he could see you through the little glass window lying on the operating table asleep, he clenched his jaw at the sight and then he was following the doctor inside, the nurses and doctors fully aware of who he was but treating him like any concerned father-to-be, he rushed to your side, taking your left hand into his as his other hand gently brushed over your hair, giving your cheek soft kisses and remembering that your father had told him you were calling out for him as they took you to the hospital.  “I’m here, little one, I’m here. I wouldn’t dare let you do this alone...” he whispered in your ear as he grasped your hand tighter, continuing to gently stroke your hair. He looked on nervously as he watched the doctors begin the operation, they had put a separation curtain to shield Elvis from seeing them cut you open. He was doing everything he could to not let his nerves get the better of him, “You’re gonna be okay, little, I just know it. The baby’s gonna be okay.” He whispered unsure if he was trying to convince himself more than you, he was scared. He'd never been more scared of anything in his entire life until this moment. This was supposed to be a happy moment, he had planned on passing out cigars and celebrating. But all he could feel was fear, fear that the worse would happen. But he had prayed, prayed so hard on that plane that you and the baby would be okay. 

Your parents, Vernon, Jerry, and the other members of the Memphis Mafia were waiting anxiously in the waiting room, desperately wanting some sort of update, but it would be another hour or two before they got any answers. Elvis was never let go of your hand as he continued to whisper into your ear how much he loved you and that you’d be okay. “I promise you things are going to be different... I promise…” he mumbled, he still blamed himself for all of this, he should have never put his hands on you, maybe you would’ve stayed, and this wouldn’t be happening, but he couldn’t dwell on that. He needed to be in this moment with you, he needed to be here for you even if you couldn’t hear him or feel that he was right by your side. After for what seemed like a lifetime the doctors were finally able to get the baby out and Elvis’ face lit up when he heard the cutest little cry the moment, they had the baby in their arms. “Congrats, Mr. Presley, you’re the father of a little girl.” The doctor said happily. Elvis smiled proudly as he let out a shaky sigh as his eyes began to well up with tears and he leaned back down toward you, running his hand gently along your face. “Ya hear that, baby? It’s a little girl! We made a beautiful little girl.” He said happily, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Presley?” the doctor asked. Elvis laughed nervously, nodded excitedly. He brought your hand up to his lips and giving it a gentle kiss before he had let it go and went over to the doctor who had handed him a pair of clamps and Elvis like a proud daddy cut the cord as he beamed down at his tiny child. 

He watched as the nurses took her to clean her up so Elvis would be able to hold her before they took her down to the NICU. He walked back by your side smiling and leaning back down toward you as the doctors began to clean you up and close you back up. “She’s beautiful, Y/N. I-I can’t wait for you to see her when you wake up..” He whispered. One of the nurses happily carrying the swaddled little baby came over to Elvis. “Ready to hold your newborn, Mr. Presley?” she asked. He nodded quickly; a bit nervous about holding such a tiny human. “Uh, I guess so..” he chuckled softly. He held his arms out and she carefully placed the little baby in his arms, he had a protective hold over her, still so nervous about holding such a delicate little thing, she was so tiny, he was afraid of hurting her, but when he looked down at her and saw her little face that was freshly cleaned, all those nerves had washed away, it felt as if he was falling in love all over again, now those tears that welled once again in his eyes and they began to stream down his face and all the nurses watching the sweet moment in awe. “Do you have a name for her?” One of the nurses asked. Elvis carefully wiped the tears from his eyes as he continued to stare down at his little girl and then he looked at the nurse and let out a soft chuckle. “No, actually... I mean, my wife and I made a list of names dependin’ on if it were a boy or girl. But we never actually chose anythin’.” He said softly, glancing over at you and then back at the nurses. “I-I think I’ll wait until I can talk to her.” He nodded, staring back down at the little angel in his arms, giving her the gentlest kiss. “Beautiful... Just like your mama.” He whispered to her. 

But before he knew it that precious moment was over as the nurses had to take her back to get her down to the NICU, though she was only a month early, they still wanted to make sure she was health and fully developed, he didn’t want to let her go, but he knew she’d be in the best care and that now he needed to be with you when you woke up, the doctors had finished getting you all stitched up and now pulling you from under the anesthesia, but the doctor said it would probably be a few hours before you actually woke up because it affected everyone differently. He followed them out of the operating room as they began to transfer you to a room, Jerry having taken the liberty to getting you a private room like Elvis would’ve done himself. Once they got you to the room Elvis had made himself comfortable in the chair that sat beside your hospital bed, holding your hand in his, and the doctor said he’d let everyone know the news. Elvis nodded, thanking the doctor for all his help and then he turned his attention back to you once the doctor had left. He didn’t know how long it would be before you woke up, but he was going to be by your side the entire time. The doctor had let everyone know the good news and allowed them all to come back to where you and Elvis were and allowing you all to have time with each other and the moment, they saw Elvis he got up from where he was sitting and embracing your parents and his father in a tight hug. “You’re all grandparents of a little girl!” he said happily with a soft chuckle. “Congratulations, son.” Vernon said with a smile. Your mother rushed to your side, kissing your forehead, and letting out a relieved sigh seeing that you were okay. “Where’s the baby?” your mother asked. “She’s down in NICU. I think once they’ve got her settled down there, we can all go visit her. She’s angel... A beautiful little angel. That I can’t believe I had hand in making.” Elvis said so proudly. 

Everyone was happy for the both of you and seeing how happy Elvis was and the smile that couldn’t seem to leave his face. They could tell that seeing that little baby had completely changed everything for him in one instant. After while everyone had left and Elvis had told your parents to go home and get some rest after they had spent hours at the hospital, he assured your parents that he’d be by your side the entire time in case anything happened and that when you woke up, they’d be the first to know. As Jerry was getting ready to head up Elvis had stopped him as he followed him out of the room. “Jerry?” Elvis said softly. “Yeah, E?” he answered tiredly. “Will you stay? I-I feel like she’d like it if you were here too. You really looked out for her, and I’d appreciate it.” He said, giving Jerry’s arm a pat. “Of course, Elvis.” He smiled and though they never really hugged each other, Elvis couldn’t stop himself from pulling Jerry into a hug, the two men embracing and forgetting why they even were mad at each other in the first place. Elvis knew he could always count on Jerry to look after you and there wasn’t anyone else, he’d want doing it, he also knew he’d be there to look after your daughter if he ever needed to. Elvis pulled back with a smile and nodded at him the two of them headed into the room and Elvis sat back in the chair beside your bed and Jerry sat in the chair by the door, taking the time to get a bit of sleep. But Elvis couldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t, he just wanted you awake. So, for the next for hours Elvis held your hand and spoke softly to you in hopes that you’d hear him. 

A few hours had passed, and Elvis had dozed off without having realized it. You had finally woken up from what felt like an eternity of sleep, but you weren’t aware of where you were or what was happening that when you did finally open your eyes, you thought you were still in that terrible nightmare, and you woke up in such a panic and in pain, crying hysterically and calling for Elvis. You scared Elvis out of his sleep and when he saw you were awake and in such a state of shock, practically hyperventilating and throwing yourself into a panic attack. He climbed into the bed with you as quick as he could, cupping your face in his hands, trying his best to soothe you “B-Baby, baby, I’m here… I’m right here, honey. Shhh.. I’m right here. Look at me, baby. I’m right here.” He said softly, Jerry had woken up from all the commotion, half asleep unsure what was happening. You were breathing heavily, your chest heaving rapidly as you slowly raised your head up to see Elvis through your teary eyes. When his gaze met yours, he smiled. “Just breathe, baby.. I’m here, see?” He hummed as the pad of his thumbs grazed gently along your flush cheeks. You took deep breaths when you realized Elvis was truly there and you flung your arms around him as you cried softly into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head as he rubbed your back soothingly. “Oh, Elvis, you’re really here..” you said softly trying to choke back your quiet sobs. “Of course I am, little one.. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He mumbled softly, looking over at Jerry and signaling for him to get the doctor. Jerry nodded and slowly got up from his seat and leaving the room to find the doctor. 

“I had the most terrible dream... You weren’t here and the baby... I-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence because you had begun to realize something about you was different, it felt different, you pulled back from Elvis and ripping your blankets off, seeing your once swollen stomach was no longer there. “W-Where’s the baby? What happened?!” you began to spiral and panic again. Elvis quickly went to calm you, taking your face in his hands again. “Baby, listen to me, everything is okay, the baby she’s okay.. They had to do an emergency c-section. You had some sort of infection. But you’re okay and so is she.” He smiled. You took a deep breath as you calmed yourself as you stared up at Elvis. “S-She? It’s a girl?” you asked with tears in your eyes, but this time they were happy tears. “Yes, darlin’, it’s a girl. A beautiful little girl. She’s so tiny.” He smiled widely. “Where is she? I want to see her. I want to hold her. Where’s my baby?” you asked frantically. “Y/N, she’s down in NICU. She’s okay, but since she was born a bit early, they had to take her down there.” He says calmly, trying to keep you from having another panic attack. “I wanna see her, can I see her?” you asked still a bit frantic. Before he answered Jerry had finally found the doctor and when he came walking in, he was happy to see you were awake. “Mrs. Presley, how are you feeling?” The doctor asks. “I want to see my daughter.” You said sternly. “Alright, honey, we can arrange that. But I just want to see how you’re doing and discuss some things with the both of you.” He said with a nod. Elvis raised an eyebrow. “Is everything alright, doc?” Elvis asked. 

You laid back against the bed as you winced in pain, staring up at the doctor as he checked your vitals and your stitches, seeing that everything seemed to be holding up. “Is something wrong with our daughter?” you asked. Jerry felt a bit awkward being in the room, but he knew Elvis wanted him to stay so he sat back down quietly in his chair. “Your daughter is doing okay, she was having some issues with her breathing, but that is normal with premature babies. She will need to stay in the hospital for a weeks, just so we can monitor her. But she’s doing okay.” He said and you squeezed Elvis’ hand tight as you got filled with worry. “Can we see her? Please?” Elvis said. “Of course, I’ll have one of the nurses bring in a wheelchair and they’ll take you down.” He said with a nod. “Thank you, doctor.” Elvis said, bringing your hand up to his lips and giving it a few light kisses as he watched the doctor leave. “Hey Jerry, could you give us a moment?” Elvis asked. “Sure, E.” he said, getting up and closing the room door behind him as he headed out, stood outside the room. You stared at Elvis. “W-What’s wrong, Elvis?” you asked nervously. “Nothing, baby. I just…” he took both of your hands into his and suddenly he began to cry. “Elvis?” you said a bit concerned. You’ve never seen him break down like this before. “Y/N, I’m so sorry for everything... I-I thought I was going to lose you, our daughter. I was so scared that I was going to be alone, losing the two most important people in my life. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I prayed, baby… The whole flight here to not lose you either of you. I-.. This is my fault... You should’ve been in Memphis.” He said between his soft cries, his head hanging low. 

You stared at him for a moment and wiggled one of your hands out of his grip and brought it up to gently comb through his hair, letting out a soft sigh because you had also blamed yourself for this situation. “Elvis.. This is not your fault. You hear me? I blamed myself for this as well.. Maybe if I didn’t get you angry or if I had just stayed. But either way, neither one of us could’ve known that I had some sort of infection. All that matters is that you made it here. That’s all I wanted. I was so scared because you weren’t here. There was no one else I wanted but you, baby. Of course, you found a way to be here and see the birth of our little girl. I can always count on you to be there.” You smiled tiredly. He slowly lifted his head as he wiped his eyes, nodding. “I’m always going to be here for you, Y/N. No matter what I will always be here. For you and our little girl. I swear to you that things are going to change when we get back home.” He nodded, kissing your hand over and over. You smiled at his words and quickly wiping your tears that streamed down your face. “I love you so much.” You said softly. He smiled and he leaned forward and being careful not to hurt you he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and you lightly cupped his face in your hands. “I love you so much more.” He mumbled on your lips, a light knock at the door and Elvis slowly pulled back as the nurse came inside with a wheelchair for you, Elvis quickly wiping the rest of his tears when Jerry followed behind her, Elvis got out of the bed and gestured for Jerry to help him get you into the wheelchair and the two of them carefully helped you out of the bed, your arms draping over either one of them and you smiled. “Hi Jerry..” you said softly. “Hi, Y/N.” he smiled as they got you into the chair and the nurse wheeling you out and Elvis wrapped his arms around Jerry with a smile. “Let’s go see my little girl.” He said with a grin as the two of them followed behind the nurse who was wheeling you down to the NICU. Your heart was racing because you were finally going to see your little baby, something you had been dreaming of for months. When you reached the NICU the nurse had wheeled you inside the room where all the little premature babies were, and the nurse turned to Elvis and Jerry. “Only one of you will be able to come inside with her.” She spoke. Jerry patted Elvis’ back with a smile. “Go see your daughter. I’ll wait here.” He said softly. Elvis smiled widely and nodded before going inside and joining you, the two of you needing to wash your hands and she handed you both gloves and Elvis a gown as well to put on, once you both had those things on, the nurse wheeled you over to the little incubator that she was lying in and a soft gasp left your lips as tears filled your eyes at the sight of her, the nurse leaving you two alone with her. “Oh my god..” you mumbled.

Elvis grinned widely seeing his little girl again. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he beamed. “She’s perfect… A splitting image of her daddy.” You said as you smiled up at him. He laughed softly. “I thought she looked more like you.” He grinned. “Not a chance... That’s all you.” You whispered with a soft laugh. “Did you get to hold her?” you asked him. He nodded slowly with a smile, though he could see the sadness on your face because you wanted to hold her as well. You let out a soft sigh. “Elvis, I want to hold her.. Do you think they will let me?” you asked softly. “I’ll ask her, baby.” He said, leaning down to kiss the top of your head as he went to find the nurse and you stuck one of your hands through the little holes that were on the sides of the incubator, gently touching her little hand and smiling when she grasped one of your fingers, watching kick her little feet. “Hi baby, it’s mommy.” you whispered, smiling at her. Elvis had come back with the nurse who he had convinced to let you hold her for a few minutes. She carefully opened the incubator and scooped the little newborn into arms and putting her into a nice little swaddle before she carefully handed you your little baby. Your face completely lit up the moment you cradled her in your arms and Elvis smiled happily, thanking the nurse. “Oh, Elvis, she’s so cute.. she’s your twin.” You giggled quietly. He chuckled softly, smiling down at the both of you. He had never felt more happiness than what he felt in the moment he held her and this moment now being with his two favorite girls. He kneeled beside you as the two of you fawned over your little bundle of joy. “She needs a name.” you whispered softly. “What did you have in mind, baby?” he whispered. “Hm.. How’s Ada Elvira Presley? She is your twin after all.” You laughed. Elvis grinned. “I love it.” He hummed as he kissed your cheek. “Little Ada.” you whispered to her as you brushed a finger along her little cheek. 

“Our precious little Ada..” Elvis whispered. “Did you wanna hold her again before the nurse came back?” you asked him. “Oh, uh, yeah..” he laughed nervously, he was so afraid of hurting her, but he knew those nerves would go away like they did the first time. He stood up and carefully scooped her out of your arms and he cradled her in his and he was smiling so wide his face hurt. “She’s so tiny..” he mumbled. You smiled watching Elvis with little Ada and seeing how adorable he was with her as he carefully rocked her in his arms. “Why don’t you sing one of your songs to her? Like you did when she was in my tummy. She always loved hearing her daddy sing.” You said with a smile. He nodded at your words with a smile, and he thought for a moment of what he could sing to her, but then it came to him, and he began to hum an old song of his, ‘My Happiness’ and then he softly began to sing a few of the lyrics to her as he continued to rock her gently he sung:

There’ll be no blue memories then whether skies are grey or blue, any place on earth will do, just as long as I’m with you... My happiness...

*

Tagging: @elvisgirl35 @godlypresley @lindszeppelin @kaitaesupremacy @powerofelvis @re3kin @elvisdoll @pennyroyalcreep @ilovehobi101 @presleyturner @presleybewbie @samfangirls @peaceloveelvis @moonchild-daniella @generoustreemystic @urlittledairyqueen @kingdomforapony @prayerstopresley @ccab @literally-just-elvis-fics @bigromansgirl-blog

sorry if I missed anyone, I've made so many new friends since I wrote part nine. But let me know if you want to be tagged in the last part!

[rhinestoneskye]

Authentic Love In Figurative Forms

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: angst, misunderstanding, comparing the twins, a little cursing, arguing, mention of alcohol.

Mentioned songs you can listen to while you read:

Scenes From An Italian Restaurant • Billy Joel

New York State Of Mind • Billy Joel

————————༒————————

I never expected one evening to change the course of my future. A man had approached me when I was playing in some hole in the wall bar. He hit on me, told me he was a musician as well, offered to play a few songs with me. Without much thought, we exchanged numbers and names. I learned his was Jake. He was kind, attractive, and musically talented. The man had promised to give me a call. After about a week, we became a duo act in that little bar. Jake joined me on his free nights, always with a smile and a new look with his hair. He brought his own guitar as well, which helped us achieve a fuller sound when it came to the actual music. He occasionally sang a harmony with me, and mocked the light twang in my voice to get the people laughing. He certainly knew how to work the crowd.

Jake covered a beautiful lower harmony, and he did well with finding a key he could sing any verse in. He had a beautiful voice. Raspy but clear. He often told me that performing like this was fun for him, because he got to explore his own musical interests without his own band.

At some point, performing like best friends turned into being best friends. Everything started to come naturally. Jake and I were at each other’s places often. We talked over homemade dinners and long movies. We got to know each other deeper. When he looked into my music, he started offering to perform my real songs with me. Then I got the offer to tour with his own band.

I was on the cusp of saying no. I didn’t want to piggyback off of his success. But when he insisted, and when his brother insisted. I decided to give in.

Despite my attraction to him, I kept my mouth shut for fear of ruining what we had. I made a brilliant friend, and I hoped that would be enough to keep me satisfied. But nothing made me jealous like watching girls scream over him night and night again.

Some evenings came with exhaustion. Others, I could finish a performance and be up for hours. Usually, whatever I did, involved Jake. Before or after a show. The boys were always in varying moods when they finished performing. Danny was possibly the only one who ever wanted to relax consistently. Sometimes Josh was tired, sometimes he wanted a drink. Most nights Jake would want to talk or eat. And Sammy was a little bit of everything.

There were nights, however, when Jake would drag himself onto my bus, and mope along into the back bedroom. Drained from feeling too many emotions, overstimulated from all the noise and sights, and fidgety from anxiety. His body would hurt, his fingers would be sore. He wouldn’t want to do anything other than lay down. Sometimes he cried. Not for any particular reason, but when a night was too much to handle, he preferred to let it out. I never had an issue with holding him, or distracting him in some sense. Despite Josh having been the more emotional twin, deep down, Jake seemed to be the more tender-hearted one. Josh was rambunctious and loving. Jake was quiet and caring.

I had just finished showering when I heard the bus door open. My driver, Kyle, was always so kind to Jake. He liked to give the other boys a hard time when they tried to visit, but Jake was by far Kyle’s favorite. Mostly because the younger twin knew how to win the man’s favor.

“Got your favorite candy bar.” I heard Jake’s voice ring out.

“You’re a good kid, Jakey.” Kyle’s jovial tone made me smile. Some evenings, Jake would carry on a full conversation with him before going to find me, which I knew Kyle appreciated. Sometimes I could be boring, so having someone else to talk to helped him. Especially with being away from his family.

“Can I leave this out here?” I raised a brow at the newness of the conversation.

“Absolutely.” I peeked up from my book, staring the door down and waiting for it to open. When it did, I was met with the sight of a shaggy looking man. Jake’s hair was wet, he wore a pair of sweats and an old tank top with the sides cut out. He kicked his boots off and flashed me a smile.

“Sorry I took so long.” His soft voice had a tint of hoarseness to it. Caused usually when he had to sing louder because Josh got carried away. “Sammy was being an ass about the bathroom.” Jake sauntered over and dropped onto the edge of my bed, laying himself across the bottom and pulling his knees in so his legs didn’t hang off. I set my book aside and nudged his stomach with my foot, earning a quiet laugh in response.

“You feeling okay?”

“Guess so. I’m just tired.”

“Come lay up here.” I tried to tell myself every night that these exchanges were normal, but at some point I came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t. Jake and I weren’t particularly conventional friends, but we never explored any idea other than friendship. So we considered what we had to be just a weird type of relationship. Jake inched his way up the bed, moaning softly as he rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in one of my pillows. He pushed my book away, accidentally knocking it off the bed. I rested a hand on his back, laughing softly.

“Sorry.” His muffled voice amused me.

“It’ll be fine.” I rubbed the space between his shoulder blades and giggled at the string of groans that fell from his lips.

“Show go well?” I asked. Jake turned his head so I could hear him better.

“It was good. My finger started bleeding though. I have to clean my guitar.”

“Did you get it fixed?” I reached for the hand closest to myself, carefully picking it up to see a bandaid on his middle finger.

“Yeah.” His breathy laugh warmed my heart. Our eyes locked for a moment.

“You need to use lotion regularly. It’ll help some.”

“That’s too much work. Then when I wash my hands they’ll just be slimy too.” I giggled and dropped his hand back onto the bed. Jake didn’t seem satisfied by the loss of contact, so he slung his arm around my waist.

“Well aren’t you a genius.” I whispered, awaiting a sarcastic remark or some type of quip in reply. I never got one though, and I peeked down to assure myself he was still awake.

“You hungry?” His voice finally broke the silence.

“I might be able to go for something small. We leave in an hour though, we won’t have time to go out.”

“Don’t worry. I brought stuff in.”

“What do you mean?” I rested my hands atop his arm draped in my lap.

“I got some stuff before the show to cook tonight.” I pondered the idea.

“Homesick?”

“Just a little. And I’m missing that soup you’re so good at making.” He finally picked his head up to flash me an innocent smile. “Thought maybe you could teach me how to make it.” I wondered how I had gone my whole life never finding somebody so sweet.

“I don’t have pots or pans. Or ingredients.”

“I got stuff.”

“Jake.” I shifted to slip out of bed. “How much did you spend?”

“Enough to make soup. Oh! And I got bread.”

“God, you carb-loader.” I teased with an exasperated tone. Jake rolled his eyes, slowly turning to lay on his back. His shirt rode up slightly, and I couldn’t help but lean over the bed and trail my fingers against his side, earning an immediate giggle. Jake shoved my hand away and slowly sat up to follow me out of bed.

“I don’t like being tickled.” He protested as I led him out of the bedroom toward the kitchen area in the middle of the bus. Due to the vehicle being set up for one, there was sufficient space for a kitchen and a larger lounge. Nothing beat having the whole place to myself with so much space to spread out.

“Yeah yeah,” I spoke in a playfully sarcastic tone. He glared at me.

“There’s one thing homemade soup can’t exist without.” I began as Jake snatched up the grocery bags full of ingredients. At first I questioned how he knew what all to get, but then I remembered how he’d begged for the recipe the first time I had made it.

“Billy Joel.” Jake answered with a delighted smile. I’d given him this lecture before. I slid my phone from the pocket of my shorts, setting it on the empty countertop and finding my old Joel playlist. I hit shuffle before turning back to Jake.

“Let’s get these bags unpacked.” We worked on emptying the grocery bags together. I showed him the most effective way to lay things out. Then he helped me wash the store bought pans and bowls. We dried everything off before we wandered back across the empty space between counters.

“Start cutting the onions, yeah?” I suggested, searching for a knife in one of the many drawers before I found one. I handed it over.

“Dicing?” He eyed me with curiosity.

“Yeah. Little squares. So the flavor is more balanced.” I stopped what I was doing to step up beside him. I peeled the skin off the first onion before I grabbed his hands, showing him the best way to hold the vegetable while I guided his other hand in cutting it. He nodded. I knew Jake well enough to fully understand he didn’t need help, but I was incredibly particular about homemade soups. And it was an excuse to touch him.

“Bottle of red.” Jake and I both winced at the sound of Kyle’s taunting voice from the front of the bus. He could hear the music plain as day. “Bottle of white!” The man sang louder. I made eye contact with Jake before we both started giggling.

“I don’t know how you do it with this guy.” Jake joked softly.

“He’s a sweetheart and you know it.” I bumped my hip against his own before I prepped the area next to him to begin dicing peppers. “Speaking of wine.” I grabbed a second knife for myself. “I might have a bottle stored away we can open.”

“God, I love you.” It was a thoughtless statement. I told myself so, but I doubted that when our eyes trailed to meet one another. Jake bit his lower lip. My eyes dropped when they noticed the movement.

“Listen,” Jake began.

“Jacob.” I had cut him off.

“Things are okay with me these days!” Jake and I jolted when Kyle screeched out the lyrics of the song. Awkward chuckles followed. I shook my head at the absurdity of my previous thoughts. Jake only said he loved me because I had alcohol. He meant nothing more. His eyes remained on me as I looked away, but with a gesture toward the onion on the counter in front of him, I reminded him of the job he had to do.

“My sweet romantic teenage nights.” Jake whispered the lyrics sarcastically, alluding to our own evening being thrown off by Kyle. Though I wouldn’t consider it romantic. Unless it was. I did a double take, prepared to ask what he meant, but Jake’s eyes were already back on the cutting board. We were a confusing pair. Friends, but he and I always seemed to tamper with the idea of something more. Yet with Jake, somewhere in his own world, he never seemed completely comfortable with the idea of committing. Or maybe it was something else. I could never tell.

“I’m gonna go boil that water.” I informed him before I slipped off to turn the stove on. Cooking on a tour bus was one thing, but soup was a whole other matter. I wanted to get it finished before we actually started moving.

“You got a song on there Kyle doesn’t know?” Jake asked, turning to look across the way at me. I laughed and reached for my phone, skipping to the next song.

“He hears Joel a lot. I’m sure he knows every song word for word.” I informed the younger twin as I joined his side once again, cutting vegetables.

“That’s disappointing.” Jake’s eyes met my own, searching the validation he certainly received when his response made me laugh.

“When you’re done with that onion, they can go in this bowl.” I reached for the glass bowl on the opposite side of the counter, placing it between us. “We just need one chopped up. I only add extra if the flavor isn’t strong enough.”

“Right.” Jake’s brow narrowed before he jerked his head, trying to clear his hair from his sight. I took note of the action before I slipped back into my bedroom to grab a ponytail. When I returned, I nudged him before presenting the object.

“Oh. Thanks.” He stepped away to pull back the top section of his hair, the braids he had on the underlying sections ever present. And his silver earrings peeks out as well. I could have swooned at his appearance. When we finished fixing the first two vegetables, we scraped everything into the glass bowl between us, then repeated the process with the other ingredients needed. We worked in a comfortable silence, occasionally broken by Jake or I to sing a lyric or hum along to the music. By the time we had everything cut up, the water on the stove was boiling. I added a few spices to the ingredients before I guided Jake to the stove, pouring everything into the pot carefully, and requesting a wooden spoon. I set the lid on the pot and instructed Jake to set the spoon by the stovetop.

“What do we do now?” The brunette questioned as he set the spoon aside, leaning his hip against the counter.

“Relax and wait.”

“What about the bread?”

“We can wait to cut it.” I waved a hand dismissively, drifting away into my own world as I zoned into the familiar piano chords of New York State Of Mind.

“What about that wine?”

“Don’t rush it. You pour the wine too soon and it’ll be room temperature before the soup is ready.” I brought myself back to reality, glancing up at Jake. His lips turned upward into a smile, apologetic and bashful. Embarrassed to have been turned down twice. He loved cooking. Josh told me he used to binge the shows for hours, but he didn’t have the timing quite right.

“So we just stand here?”

“You need a way to keep busy?”

“Guess that post-show energy is coming back.” He joked with a soft chuckle. Jake crossed the walkway and leaned back against the opposing counter from where I stood. We eyed each other.

“You wanna dance?” I offered, pushing off the counter and holding my hand out. Jake barely hesitated to nod, sliding his hand into my own. His free hand found its home wrapped around my waist, and I rested my other arm comfortably over Jake’s shoulder. He flashed me a charming smile as we began to sway. I leaned into his embrace, welcomed by the feeling of his arm wrapping tighter around my waist as I rested my head against his chest.

“I know what I’m needing. And I don’t wanna waste more time…” I released a relaxed sigh at the sound of Jake’s soft voice. He could have sung to me all evening and I wouldn’t have minded one bit.

“Keep going.” I whispered, breathing in his scent. Everything about Jake had always been comforting. He felt like home. In a way I couldn’t describe. Jake was never one to deny my requests. As we swayed, he sang as soft as ever, resting his chin atop my head. As much as I loved composing with Jake, I also loved being able to sit and listen to him. His music, his voice, his thought process on writing.

“You’re beautiful.” Jake whispered, almost too quiet to hear. I lifted my head to look at him.

“You’re okay lookin’ too.” I never wanted to take any of his compliments too seriously, but I could tell by Jake’s feigned amusement, that he was trying to have a serious moment. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

“Please listen to me.” He dipped his head to the height of my own, peering into my eyes. “You’re beautiful.” I was certain I was flushed, but beneath the dim warm glow of the tour bus lights, I was hopeful he couldn’t see. His stare felt like a captivating spotlight I didn’t wish to be under.

“Jake..”

“I just wanted you to know that.” Jake glanced away. “People don’t tell you enough. You deserve more love.” I found myself speechless, trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t ruin the moment, but I’d always been a joke maker under pressure.

“You sound like Josh, going on about love.” I wanted to hit myself for the stupid comment. Jake winced the moment Josh was mentioned. I’d struck a nerve that neither of the twins enjoyed.

“I don’t wanna be Josh.” He persisted, gaze set on my eyes. I sighed softly, playing with the ends of his hair just behind his neck.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I rushed out. “What’s on your mind?” I moved my arm from his shoulder, rubbing my hand down his arm.

“Nothing.” I couldn’t tell if my avoidance made him give up, or if he truly just wanted to compliment me. But at this point I knew there had to be more on his mind.

“Look, I’m sorry. Okay? We won’t talk about Josh.”

“It’s fine.” Jake pulled away. I had ruined our moment.

“Jake, I didn’t mean to upset you.” I reached for his hand.

“I’m not upset!” I didn’t flinch at the volume of his voice, but it did surprise me.

“You good back there?” Kyle called. Ever protective of me. It warmed my heart in the cold moment.

“Yeah, Kyle!” I shouted back. Jake glanced down at his feet.

“You always do this.” I couldn’t make out the sound in his voice. Hurt. Something I wasn’t used to. He stepped back to create space between us. Another thing I wasn’t used to.

“Do what?” My brow furrowed, folding my arms across my chest.

“You avoid me.” I couldn’t understand. I had never once avoided Jake in any way. I was always excited to be around him. If anything, he’d always been the one avoiding. Shying away from possibilities. Opportunities. A more meaningful relationship where we didn’t have to hide our feelings.

“What?”

“You act like you care, and the minute we get close-“

“Jake!” A loud and obnoxious banging immediately interrupted our conversation. Jake’s hands clenched into fists. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“It’s Josh.” I mumbled, stepping past him. It was the second mistake I had made. Abandoning our argument for his brother. But if Josh had truly needed something, I didn’t want to leave him outside.

“It’s always Josh!” Jake shouted, in an accusatory tone. I stopped to look back at him, my eyes set in a deep glare.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

“Maybe you just settle for me because he doesn’t like you!” I couldn’t believe the words that fell from his lips.

“Jake!” Josh’s shouting became background noise. As did Kyle scolding the older twin for banging on the bus door while he wasn’t being let in.

“You always fucking mention Josh when I’m around! You compare me to him! You tell me when I sound like him! It’s like you have a thing for him!”

A dangerous fire burned in my chest. I clenched my jaw. Stay silent in the moments when your words will only hurt somebody. But why hold back when they hurt you first? Jake had to have been playing some stupid game. He’d treat me like the love of his life only to back out every time. He wasn’t worth all this hassle. He wasn’t worth the wait. I couldn’t continue playing this game.

“Well at least having a thing for Josh would mean more than having a thing for somebody who’s so morbid all the time! I’d have more of a chance with somebody who loves everything compared to somebody who loves nothing at all!” I spat, and I refused to let myself feel the pit of remorse when Jake’s whole expression fell. I had never stooped so low. Jake loved things, but he was cautious with his love. Josh threw it out for the world to crumble up and throw away. He never cared. Jake was different. Jake placed his love in things that he trusted. He’d wrap it like a delicate cup and gift it to someone or something with a card that said, ‘be gentle.’ I opened my mouth to speak, but Jake had finally gained enough confidence to move. He pushed past me and walked toward the front of the bus. I followed him, but I realized Kyle was no longer on my side when he opened the bus door for Jake, who shoved right past his brother and left. Josh and I shared a look.

“What happened?”

I finally felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.

“I didn’t mean it.” Josh’s expression morphed into one of offense. Like he could somehow feel his brother’s grief. He took a step back, opened his mouth to speak, and for the first time, was at a loss for words.

“Please tell him I’m sorry.” I reached up to wipe the tears from my eyes. Josh gave an absent minded nod before he walked off to follow his brother.

I spared Kyle a shameful look as he closed the bus door. I felt my heart break, but I wondered if I even had the right to feel such pain. I knew deep down, I had been more in the wrong than he was.

Jake and I didn’t speak for days. Three shows to be exact. Josh came around before the second, and we did discuss the situation at length in my dressing room.

“You guys should really talk.” His voice broke me from my thoughts as I applied my eyeshadow.

“He hates me.”

“Maybe… sure.” Josh’s agreement hurt. “But if you both explain your sides of the story there’s a chance he won’t be as mad.”

“I don’t know.” I lowered the powder brush from my eye. “I didn’t know that saying he sounded like you was such a bad thing.”

“When he’s talking about his feelings it is. We’ve been connected our entire lives. Individuality is scarce to us. One of those places he craves it is in his personal life, with people we both aren’t close with. He doesn’t want his emotions to be compared to mine.” I sighed.

“That makes sense.. it’s just hard when all you ever do is express love.”

“When he’s ready, he won’t express it like I do. Jake’s love isn’t always shown in such literal words. His authentic love comes in figurative forms. Jake’s always been mysterious like that.” I looked up at Josh.

“I did tell him that you were sorry though. I told him that you were just upset, and that what he said is what prompted you to bite back. He understands that much. He just hates the idea of you thinking he doesn’t love anything. He never wanted to come off as loveless.” I felt my heart clench again. The same way it had when he stormed off my bus.

“Jake loves in silence. He admires and whispers his adoration in the dead of night. He likes that privacy. Of people not knowing what he’s truly passionate about unless he chooses to share.”

“When do you think I should talk to him?” I glanced at myself in the mirror. Then at Josh, fiddling with one of his gold necklaces.

“We have two days off soon.”

“Free time.” I commented. Time we always filled together.

“He’ll be bored without you.”

I let the idea sit in my mind after Josh had left. I gave it a few days. We played our last show, and the only contact Jake and I had was when I found his missing pick in an arena hallway. I’d gone to give it back to him only to find the boys all laughing and joking around together in Josh’s dressing room. Jake and I shared glances before he looked away. So I had given the pick to Josh. I didn’t know where we stood, but I owed it to him to explain my side. To at least try to mend the wounds I’d caused.

We travelled to the next city before our two day break. I didn’t know what any of the boys planned on doing, other than Jake. Josh had told me his twin wanted to go visit an art gallery.

“Just catch him before he leaves.” He’d suggested, but I didn’t think I had it in me.

Not until I was stepping off my tour bus around the time Jake intended to leave. After five minutes of waiting, I reminded myself that the Kiszka boys were always chronically late, so I sat on the bottom step of the bus and waited. I scrolled through social media on my phone, pondered what I might say. Tried my best to think of a good heartfelt apology. Then I heard the adjacent bus door open. My eyes lifted to see Jake in jeans and a flowy button down t-shirt. He’d stopped to look at me. All of my ideas flew out the window.

“What are you doing out here?” I flinched at the disinterest in his tone.

“Waiting for you, actually.” I slowly stood up.

“I’m going alone.”

“I didn’t ask to go.” I clarified, effectively keeping his attention. “I just want to talk.” The sigh that left his lips made my anger flare, but I kept it in check this time.

“Fine. What?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.. it just came out wrong.”

“Came out wrong?” Jake glared.

“Yes. The last thing I expected you to do was accuse me of loving your brother.”

“Well when all you ever do is compare me to him, I feel like you do like him. Or you just don’t like me.”

“Don’t cut me off, Jake.” I sighed, folding my arms across my chest. “I blew up on you because I felt like shit. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to make a move? Only to have you accuse me of liking your brother?” His anger seemed to fade slightly. His shoulders dropped, and he fidgeted with the rings on his fingers.

“Every time I try to make a move you bring up Josh.” The anger had completely dissolved into hurt. I wanted to hold him. I wished deep down that we had never fought, but I knew my lucky stars weren’t that magical.

“Because every time you made a move before you’d back out of it.” I countered. Jake fell silent. “And I’m sorry I did that so much. You and Josh have your own personalities. I never meant to make you feel like him.. or second best to him. You’re still my favorite twin.”

“But I don’t love like he does.” Jake sounded so persistent to get his point across. I wanted to make him feel understood.

“I know..” I mumbled, guilt laced in my tone.

“I don’t want to remind you of Josh every time I say I love something.”

My heart would have started racing if not for the tense moment we shared.

“Look.. Jake.” I hesitated before taking a step toward him. He didn’t move. I took another step. “I didn’t fall for Josh. I didn’t fall for Sam, or Danny. Bless his awkward heart.” I paused when I noticed the way his lips twitched. “I didn’t fall for anybody other than you. Because of your uniqueness. Because you intrigue me.” I rested my hand on his forearm. Jake shifted, glancing down at my hand. “I never would have come on this crazy trip if we weren’t so close. If I didn’t love you, and your music. Hell, you inspire me to write all the time. You’re the most beautiful muse I know.” I slid my hand up his arm, beneath the linen fabric of his short shirt sleeve.

“I’m sorry.” Jake whispered as he looked away. “I shouldn’t have accused you of loving Josh.” Rejection in its finest forms. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I pulled back and immediately hugged myself, an awkward tension filling my body.

“It’s okay..” the apology was appreciated, but the timing was off. I’d just spilled my heart for him and I got nothing in return aside from an apology. I glanced back at my bus door, thinking it best to go. Perhaps I had read the situation wrong, but it all felt off. I wondered if Jake was avoiding me again. Avoiding my feelings. He still wasn’t ready, and I should have known.

“I’m gonna go.” I glanced back at him, watching him nod. I turned away and started toward my bus, tears clouding my eyes. I should have known.

“You make me golden.” I turned back to him, brow furrowed in confusion. I sniffed and immediately wiped my eyes. Jake looked both relieved and exhausted. I couldn’t read the other emotion on his face.

“Huh?” My voice broke.

“You’re the last hour before sunset, and the first after sunrise. Your presence has this captivating aura, that has the most beautiful golden hue. And I love nothing more than to bask in that light every day.”Jake crossed the concrete between our busses, and raised a hand to rest upon my cheek. “I count it a blessing to be so close to you. Sometimes that light can be blinding, but I’d never mind being overshadowed by you, or your success.” Josh had been right. When Jake was ready, he’d express his love the way he was meant to. In the dead of night, between two trailers, quietly and passionately. Figuratively.

I shifted my weight slightly, a part of me fearful that he would back out again, but the determination in Jake’s eyes seemed far from it as he looked over my face. I could feel his emotion. He’d waited a long time for this. His hand moved lower to cup my jaw, his lips forming a slight pout as the gears in his head turned.

“Jake, I’m really sorry about what happened. It’s always been you, I’ve always loved you.” His wandering eyes flickered to meet my own. I held my hands out to rest upon his cheeks, our bodies pulling closer.

“I love you too, and I’m sorry I never said it sooner. I was just afraid.” Afraid that I had liked Josh. Afraid that he’d been picking up the wrong signals. Jake’s response came in a chaste whisper, rushed as he leaned forward to connect our lips. I gasped before melting into him. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders, my hand pressed against the back of his neck while my other hand pushed his hair from his face. Jake slung an arm around my midsection, arching my body into his own as he leaned forward.

I was breathless by the time he pulled away, my heart heavy and yet full at the same time.

“I never meant to hurt you.” Jake whispered, leaning in to rest his forehead against my own. “I was just afraid.” The repetition made me nod. Jake wanted to know that he had been heard.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like that.” I gently squeezed the back of his neck. “I promise I never will again.”

“God I love you.” I giggled at the breathless tone he took up.

“You already said that,” I teased, pulling back.

“For as long as we live, it’ll be the only sentiment you ever hear from my lips.” I could have swooned. “I love you. You’re my girl. I can’t imagine life without you.” He listed off the various statements as his hand fell away from my face to wrap around my back.

“This might be the most I’ve ever heard you talk.” The playful shock in his features caused us both to laugh quietly.

“Consider yourself lucky. I only talk this much around people I’m really comfortable with.” It was reassuring to know I hadn’t hurt him to the point that he couldn’t trust me.

I playfully pushed his chest, rolling my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Kiszka.” I reached behind myself to grab one of his hands, pulling it from around my body. I peered at the watch on his wrist, reading the time as best as I could in the darkness before I looked back at him. “You have a date with an art gallery. You’re gonna be late soon.” In true Kiszka fashion, there was no panic when the word ‘late’ was mentioned. Jake merely shrugged and smiled.

“You wanna come with me?”

“Oh? So now I get the invite?” I raised a brow.

“Well.. I was mad at you before,” Jake answered in a playful tone. “But you can come now.”

“I’m not dressed for it.” I dropped his hand and shrugged. “But thanks for the invite anyway.”

“Then I’ll stay in with you.” I shook my head at his immediate change of plans.

“Go look at art. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

“We won’t be late if you get ready quickly.” He insisted. “I want you to go with me.”

I stepped back toward my bus. Did I even have nice clothes packed for such an event? I probably did, I just hadn’t touched them since we started our tour.

“Fifteen minutes?” I asked. I could pull my hair back and put on a light layer of makeup. Something to get me through the night.

“Fifteen.” Jake nodded, a bright smile forming on his lips.

“Okay.. I’ll be back.” I immediately turned and walked back into my bus.

Fifteen minutes pushed well into twenty before we actually left, but Jake and I weren’t bothered by it.

We started the night side by side admiring beautiful landscapes and all kinds of photos. Some art we shook our heads at. Other pieces we stared at silently for what felt like hours.

A lot of our evening was spent holding hands, huddled into one another, laughing and giggling like kids. By the time we left, Jake and I had already made plans to finish the evening in my bus, making up for the one we’d horribly ruined before. And this time, Jake promised to tell Josh not to bother us.

[the-alice-of-hearts]

DickTim Week Day 1 Soulmates

Told myself weeks ago that I was only gonna write for day 6... I lied! Here is my entry for day one posted on time for @dicktimweek

Rated T, 1329 words, no archive warnings would apply, it's more of an outline than a fully fleshed-out fic though. Hope y'all like it!

There was a time when soulmates were rare when people might never meet their other half. Then the internet came around, and finding the person in the world who wore the same mark as you was much easier. 

Dick grew up knowing that his chances of finding his soulmate were above average since he was a performer, but still, it wasn’t like he needed his soulmate. He had loving parents and they weren’t soulmates, they were just in love. Then fate played her nasty little trick on him and he wound up flying through the air in a completely different fashion. 

Dick knew that there was a slim chance that his soulmate was within the hero community, and he couldn’t afford to bring someone into the life just because fate decreed them tied to his unlucky self. So Dick made a decision sitting on the top of Titans Tower three days after Jason’s funeral, whoever his soulmate was, he wouldn’t seek them out, he’d hide his mark, and no matter if he ever found them, he’d keep silent and let them live out their life safely. 

---

Tim was lucky, one of the luckiest kids in the entire freaking world. He knew who his soulmate was since he was six years old. He sat on the knee of ten-year-old Dick Grayson of the Flying Graysons and saw the little bird on his inner elbow. Tim stared at the little matching bird on his shoulder again and gave a soft smile. His soulmate was gonna need a friend, and maybe, just maybe, if Tim went to school then he would get to see that nice boy who had the perfect smile and was so very nice. So he had to keep being good, and he had to keep learning and getting better at school so he could be a big kid. 

Then he found out the best secret. The wonderful amazing secret of Robin! His Robin, his soulmate. So Tim watched and waited and kept an eye on Robin, and by extension Batman. Once he knew though he realized there was one flaw to his plan. It wouldn’t matter how good at school he was, and it wouldn’t matter how much he worked on getting better if he couldn’t keep up with Dick. So he enrolled himself in gymnastics and martial arts classes, learned more languages, and tried his hardest to be worthy of Dick Grayson. 

Then Dick left. And Tim was heartbroken. He just got the hang of actual parkour, and Dick just left and another kid showed up in Bruce’s life and then he was Robin! As though he had a claim on the name, as though he had any right to wear the yellow cape! 

Tim waited and he watched, the way he always did. And then Jason died, and Bruce went off the rails, and Tim assigned himself as a grown-ass man’s emotional support fifteen-year-old… This at least had the benefit of getting to see his soulmate, yay! Unfortunately, this also meant he was subject to a very drunk Dick explaining how he hoped that his soulmate never joined the life because fate owed him that at least… 

Tim cried himself to sleep that night. He had been trying each time Dick visited to find a natural way to broach the subject of their matching soulmarks, but after that night Tim vowed to keep his mark hidden. Dick would be forbidden. 

Tim watches as Dick keeps himself sober because he needs to be a “Good Big Brother™” and god doesn’t that hurt even more. 

---

Dick started to hate himself, he was a goddamn nineteen-year-old and he was crushing on the fifteen-year-old who for some god known reason came into their lives and was gluing the family back together. So he threw himself into alcohol first, if he could blame the feelings on being drunk then he wasn’t really hurting anyone. But after a night where he almost confessed his feelings and instead went on his rant about soulmates, he realized that wasn’t working. So he stayed sober, and he went all in on being Tim’s brother. If he just kept saying it it would eventually be true. Who cares that Tim has living parents, and that he wasn’t getting adopted by Bruce? Who cares that Dick only wants to press his lips against his skin and see him blush. Fuck all of that, he can be responsible, and he can be good, and he can stop himself from being an idiot. 

Then Jason comes back, and Tim almost bleeds out in the Tower, a sacred place, a place that Dick should have been in to protect him. Tim is bleeding and Dick is carrying him to the med bay and he presses a kiss to the sixteen-year-old's temple and promises himself, if Tim lives then he’ll tell him his feelings. 

---

Tim wakes up from blood loss in the Cave and realizes two things right away. One, Dick isn’t there, two, he’s not wearing a shirt… He knows that it was Dick’s voice he heard when they transported him from the Tower to the Cave and all he can think is how mad is Dick… 

He waits three days before Alfred and Bruce will let him move upstairs, another two before he braves looking at his phone. It’s two weeks later before he hears from Dick. Hope you feel better soon. A five word text that feels so impersonal compared to their earlier texts. Five words to confirm for Tim that Dick has seen his soulmark, and to know what it means. 

Tim heals, and he gets back out there, but Nightwing doesn’t call him to have Robin join him on patrol. Dick doesn’t send him the memes that he sees and thinks of Tim. There are no brotherly messages about needing more sleep or if he wants to grab ice cream after patrol because Dick happens to be in town. He isn’t even invited to the Tower until a month and a half after the attack, and that’s by Raven and Kon. Tim knows that Dick is icing him out, but he doesn’t know how to fix this one. He should have told Dick years ago, but he just wanted to fix the family. 

His parents die, Jason is rehabilitated, for the most part, Damian shows up and Dick still isn’t close to Tim anymore. Then Bruce disappears. Tim is seventeen and he’s lost everyone, and then his soulmate tells him he can’t wear the Robin colors anymore. He sets out on Brucequest. 

---

Dick fucked up! He iced Tim out after seeing the little bird on his shoulder. He took so long to come to terms with the fact that the universe took his soulmate and turned him into a weapon then broke him. Jason came back and went insane, and Dick did his fucking best okay! It’s not easy okay! He pushed his fucking soulmate away for so long and he was in his grasp finally and he pushed him away again!

Tim disappeared and Dick was blaming himself. He kept his ear out for any news and had people keeping watch. Every night he would trace the little bird on his inner elbow and make deals with the universe. Bring him back and I’ll never let him forget how much he means to me.

Tim comes back and literally falls into Dick’s arms after being kicked out of a window. 

Dick: How did you know I’d be there to save you? Tim: You’re my soulmate, Dick. You’ll always be there for me.

Dick doesn’t even care that he’s lying. He pulls Tim into a searing kiss. Needing to finally feel his lips against Tim’s and know that he’s alive and okay. They’ll have a proper conversation later, for now though? Dick is holding his soulmate and he couldn’t be more content.

[sakvvra]

SenHaku Week 2024

Day: 1

Prompt: First Times

Summary:

After the time machine passes its final test, Senku and Kohaku decide to host their wedding.

Or…

Kohaku takes his last piece of just barely existing virginity the night of their wedding.

Links: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59148793?view_adult=true

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

“Long live the newlyweds!”

Loud cries of cheers and applause reverberated in the venue, the sound of wine glasses clinking with wine glasses following soon after. From the elevated sweetheart table Kohaku could see her sister smiling sweetly at her father right by her side, grinning so widely she worried his face would be stuck that way.

This is the first time in her life where she attended a wedding with the intention that she was the one being wedded. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t panicking.

In just a moment, tonight would be it. Both her and Senku’s virginity would be lost to the other and the two would be forever intertwined. Was she scared? Possibly, she couldn’t help the nerves and overthinking that somewhat overcame her whenever she was reminded of the clock ticking lower and lower. However she was more worried about Senku and his reaction.

He was the one who pushed going the older, traditional way her village has adapted as culture, mentioning how it was not all that different from how they did it in his era. Although he did also say that couples in his era also didn’t have the patience to perform abstinence before marriage.

Kohaku found her cheeks warming at the thought, sitting back down in her seat along with Senku just before the applause died down and everyone engaged in their own conversations.

They decided to wait a while before leaving the venue, allowing her senses to be soothed by the warm smile Senku pointed to her. She squeezed his hand in her lap and he rubbed his thumb over the surface of her fist.

“Are you ready to go?” She says softly, her blue eyes looking for any signs of his appearance that would prepare her for anything that speaks ‘no’.

“Mhm, I doubt they’ll notice us gone anyway. I told Gen to keep them from swarming us when formalities were done.”

He had given them perfect time for the freshly married couple to formally slink away from the venue and make their way to the hotel on-site, allowing the others to drink and entertain themselves to their heart's content.

The hotel room was warm and the lights were dim, there was only one bed of course. Both she and Senku had separate rooms earlier the day to get prepared, and checked into a different room for tonight.

“I want to know if you’re okay with this, we can wait if you’d like.”

“…I wouldn’t want it with anyone else at this moment, I want this.”

Wife and Husband.

“I want you, Kohaku.”

Senku had memorized the way her body was shaped, knew where she wanted him to touch her. He knows what makes her feel good — she knows the same for him, if not more than he knows about his own body. She moved onto his lap, stripping him from his suit and bowtie while he reached his arms around her small waist and started to untie her soft lace corset.

They took it slow, nimble fingers brushing against skin as soft kisses were shared between giggles when he kissed against the flush of her ear.

Kohaku gasps and playfully taps his shoulder with a loud chortle. “S-Senku, stop playing around… haha!”

She’s ticklish behind her ears… He notes in a fuzzy haze, her laugh makes his face warmer and his brain feels like it's spinning — he buries his face even further and presses more kisses along her slender neck.

“Pffft! You're such an idiot…”

Fuck... She’s the only person he’ll allow to call him that.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

His heart pounds, he wants to take in her scent again. But instead Senku helps her slink out the dress, and she lets out an exhale as her breasts are freed. He's seen them for what feels like ten billion times already but everytime still feels like his first.

“That corset wasn't too tight, but wearing it for over six hours is way too much for my chest.” Kohaku sighed softly, he hummed in response and moved his hands to her hips, all that remained was her panties.

“Ready?”

“I can’t say no even if I wanted to.” Senku groans, he grips onto her hips so roughly a small squeak escapes her. “My dick is so hard it’s driving me insane.”

The growing grin on Kohaku’s face nearly made him want to as well in response. “Well then, are you gonna do something about it?”

Damn. He bites back a groan and narrowly avoids the feeling of his cock twitching in his pants. “No, not yet.” He breathes, she looks at him with a confused look before she feels him putting in enough strength to lift her on the bed beneath him.

“I want to make you feel good…”

He’s gone down on her before, but at the time he was heavily carried by his own knowledge of female anatomy and Kohaku’s teachings.

This time will be different.

His eyes flicker to hers and before she can say anything, he lowers his body until his face is hovering her cunt. His warm breath sends chilly breezes over her drenched pussy.

She flinches when she feels his tongue presses slightly on her clit and blows, applying a pinch of pressure that leaves her breathless. “So that’s how you’ll be tonight, h-huh?” She pants, helping him bring her legs over on his shoulders.

He doesn't respond, but gives her one last glance before his crimson eyes narrow down to her slick folds, gaze glazed with desire. The sudden change in his expression makes her shiver.

Not any different from the first time, when Senku eats pussy, he wastes no time.

The first thing he did when he leaned into her space was lick a stripe up her pussy. Kohaku moaned softly and gripped the sides of her legs at the immediate pleasure. Her stomach clenched when he licked a few more times, starting from her entrance to the top of her clit. He made sure to gather whatever slick had managed to collect throughout her pussy, spreading her lips with his two fingers to make sure no surface of her cunt was left untouched by his tongue.

His hand palm faces up as his middle finger is pressed just enough into her sopping hole that the tip of it can feel the way her hole tries to desperately swallow his finger in.

"Mmfgh... ishhh thish good?" He slobbers, deep crimson eyes moving up to her flushed face as he zones in on her clit. Her eyes roll back into her skull as he wraps his lips around the sensitive little bud again, this time letting his middle finger slip in more.

The soft gasp followed by the whimper let out by the intrusion has his mind reeling. “Y-Yes, so good...” She slurs.

“F-Fuh… you got better at this…”

She reaches down and threads her fingers through his hair as he pulls away and begins kissing a trail down her inner thighs near her core, she grabs his hair a little tighter than before and he finally moans against her cunt.

“Mmm?” She hums.

“Mmhmm,” he hums back and the vibration makes her shiver with a sigh. She holds her breath and watches as he takes one long lick of her outside lips, tongue flat against her flesh. He does it again, then a third time, till she finally huffs and makes a fist in his hair; he groans and breaches her lips with his tongue to reach the heat inside. His tongue slides against her inner folds, teasing her swollen clit before swiping back down to circle her cunt.

Kohaku’s heart is pounding over ten billion miles an hour and to make things worse, Senku adds a second finger to her seeping hole. She whines at the feeling, fucking herself on his fingers by pistioning her hips to each one of his pointed thrusts. He moves his attention to her clit again, his brows furrowing and his eyes closed as the hold on his hair tightens even more.

He looks so fucking cute eating her pussy, no doubt his cock was painfully hard as of now. She could see tears pricking the corner of his eyes and she just knew if she wrapped her thighs around his head she would get to see those tears finally spil down that pretty face of his.

No, not tonight. Next time.

Instead she opted to push his head in further, she could feel a muffled moan against her bud. She can hear the slick sounds he makes between her legs. She clenches her thighs with him in between. Fuck, she’s starting to feel the insides of hersex clenching and she comes to the conclusion that she’s close.

He senses it too. How it pulses in flickers when he dips his tongue in. He growls. A few consecutive hard thrusts with his fingers, before forcefully parting her lips back up, rubbing the flat plane of his tongue on her clit in rough motions, edging her towards her climax.

“S-Shit…!”

Senku quickly removes his fingers and her legs flail to his head and tightens. He is shamelessly lapping her up—gladly slurping and swallowing everything she gives him as if he’s on the brink of death and her pussy is the only thing that’ll nurse him back to life. Last time, he let her ride out her orgasm—let her buck and rut against his fingers until she’s satisfied, but tonight he’s impatient.

She wheezes when his tongue flickers back to her sensitive clit, she tugs his hair upwards and at this point he's just allowing her to drag his head anywhere. He’s yanked away with a soaking wet ‘pop’ from her cunt. Oh God, was he seriously going to continue if she didn’t stop him?

Kohaku was left reeling at the thought, her cloudy eyes picking up the sight of him licking every last bit of her cum from his mouth and chin. He looks absolutely fucked out.

“Kohaku…” He whines, pressing his cheek onto her thigh, the desperate look in his eye tells her that he's not waiting anymore.

The bed moves slightly as he pulls up upwards to her, she could taste her slick on his tongue. Senku moans in her mouth, he brings her legs to the side of his waist and his bulge eagerly leans on her cunt, an exhale leaves her. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to wait anymore.” Kohaku presses soft kisses on his cheeks, pausing when she sees a tear and wipes it away.

“Tears?”

His breath hitches, cursing beneath his breath when he blinks and another tear falls. “S-Shit, just ignore it, I’m fine.”

She hums softly and moves to leave kisses on his jaw. “I understand.”

“Are you ready?” Senku whispers, his eyes looking in hers for any sign of disapproval before her answer. After a moment of pause, she nods. “Yes.”

Fuck, he was so perfect for her during all this time. So patient and obedient and now They’ve been through so much shit together and now they were finally safe in eachothers arms.

They both share a gasp when he sinks in, she's so wet it makes his vision go white.

He suddenly chokes, hips stuttering against hers and he's afraid he might buckle down. “Fuck.”

“S-Senku…” Kohaku moans, snapping him out of his foggy daze. Her lips tremor as he pauses, allowing herself to be properly stretched out as her pussy invites in as much as possible.

The hefty length makes her head swirl. When the dull stinging pain shifts to that mouth watering pleasure, she looks up to Senku with a shaky smile and nods. Find your pace. Her gaze reads, and she speaks. “You have to move.”

Right, he can’t fumble this now. He tightens his grip on her thighs and finally moves.

He thrusts his hips into hers, all the air left her lungs and now it's her turn to choke. “S-Shit, just like that.”

He leaned over, placing a hand by her head as his pace started to quicken. “God, you’re so tight.” He moans as he snaps his hips forward. His abdomen pressed deliciously against her clit, providing some much needed friction. She pulled him down into a kiss, moaning into his mouth as he rolled his tongue over hers.

After a couple of thrusts, Senku slides inside of her fairly easily now and she squirms and grunts in his mouth. The friction between her legs feels heightened as her muscles squeeze around him. He starts gyrating his hips, the tip of his cock hitting all the right spots with each downstroke.

He moves and braces his hands on the back of her knees, forcing her eyes wide open.

Then, his hips move faster. Harder. Deeper.

The slap of his skin nearly echoes inside the hotelroom as he just casually fucks the sanity out of her brain with each thrust.

Her senses are overwhelmed by all things–the powdery scent of his skin, his pretty little moans with each push, his smooth skin on hers, his comforting weight, and his thick cock pumping inside of her. With an angle so perfect and a rhythm so right that she wonders if his body was made for her. She squirms and writhes underneath him as the pleasure engulfs her like a flame that he stokes and tends until it’s wild and uncontrollable.

He IS a virgin, right?

“Kohaku, Kohaku, Kohaku, Kohaku,” he slurs, his eyes screwed shut as cute whines collapse from his throat.

Yeah, a virgin like she’d thought.

“Fuck, I-” he chokes out, “I- I love your smile. I love your eyes. I love your body. I love the way that you feel around me. I love how you make me feel. I love how-” his voice breaks again and he buries his head in her neck. She can tell that he’s reached his peak.

“I love you too, Senku,” her heart swells, pressing more kisses onto his shoulder. “You know I’ve loved you for a long time, baby.” She can feel tears finally spilling on her neck, craving more of her touch. He’s so, so close. She feels him nod. He knew, he always knew.

“Y-You wanna cum inside my pussy?” She cooed at him. “Give it all to me, I want to feel you fill me up so good.” Another whine leaves him, sniffling into her heated neck.

The pleasure builds, and builds, and builds, and then it shatters her. Kohaku squirms under his body as her climax rips through and seizes her. White light dances before her eyes and her hearing weakens from the strength of her pulse. Her pussy was clenching so hard around his cock that he nearly exploded inside her—his pre-cum hot and searing like ignited oil.

She felt Senku tense for one last time. Slowing down slightly, he pauses every time he hits her wall. Bringing one of his hands down to her lower stomach, he presses into her to feel the sensation of him inside her. “F-Fuck!” With one last thrust, he’s spilling over, and she can feel thick ropes of his seed coat her insides filling her straight to the womb until it leaks past her plugged entrance. If she felt full before, she’s even fuller now.

Strained whimpers turned to soft, light breaths in the heated room. With a nod in agreement, he pulled out of her with shared gasps and collapsed beside her.

“Holy…”

“…Fuck?” Kohaku grins.

Senku snorted at her antics. “I was going to shit.” He looks at her devilishly. “But fuck sounds executed better.”

She giggles and he lets out an exasperated sigh. “I think this is the last time I'll be on top. I never want to do something this physically challenging again.”

“Oh, suck it up.” Kohaku scoffs jokingly. “You’ll leave me disappointed as your wife this fast?”

The room went silent for a moment, so she rolled onto her left to cradle his arm between hers. He had a thoughtful look on his face before he turned to look at her lovingly.

“Did I do… okay?”

Was he serious?

Kohaku snorted, a grin growing on her face. “Do I look okay? I haven’t come this hard tonight than I have any other time.” She hardened her stare when his eyes faltered. “Senku, you were perfect.”

They shared another warm kiss and cuddled till the sweat on their skin grew too bothersome to ignore.

@senhaku-week

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

[theoddcatlady]

Mr. O'Brien's Party Place

I just wanted to start saving money for college. I didn’t sign on to deal with the rest of this bullshit.

I applied for practically everything in my area, but the thing is, so did all the other kids that graduated from my class. And luck of the draw, I didn’t get hired at McDonald’s, KFC or Panda Express. 

I got hired at fucking Mr. O’Brien’s Party Place.

It was like a circus and Chuck E Cheese had a drunk one night stand and whoever carried the kid did cocaine laced with glitter. This place was awful, and I was stuck being the janitor. At least I didn’t have to wear one of the eyeball searingly bright spandex costumes the waiters and other performers wore, which I have a feeling chafed like a motherfucker… but I did have to be the one to mop the pee and blood out of the ball pit. Seriously, don’t let your kids play in those, they might get HIV.

But unlike most of my other friends, I didn’t get paid minimum wage, I got paid pretty damn well. So I shut up, smiled, and let myself be pointed to the nearest pile of vomit because Billy ate his pizza too fast. I say pizza in the loosest sense of the word, but you get my point.

I figured out quickly I was the odd man out when I walked into the break room and not one person acknowledged my presence as I ate my packed lunch. I was okay with that, I mean I was the janitor. I didn’t know anyone else there, none of my friends were hired, and I hadn’t met anyone here before. I wasn’t part of the clique.

Then one day I got a damn migraine and Bunny came to my rescue.

Bunny was just what I heard people call her, she wore these pink floppy bunny ears and had her face painted with a nose and whiskers. She wore this oversized magenta onesie and always sung the birthday song for the birthday girl or boy. That’s really all I knew about her before the migraine.

I get migraines pretty frequently. And this was a bad one. I knew it was coming on by the time I clocked in, but I didn’t exactly have someone else to call in for me. I just hoped it wouldn’t be a bad one.

Yeah, it got to be a bad one after an hour of squawking children and flashing lights from the stage.

I felt like I was about to faint when Bunny popped out in front of me. “Robin? You look pale. Do you need to sit down?”

I opened my mouth to say ‘yes, I really do’ but all that came out was this pathetic gurgle. Without another word, Bunny lifted me up, put me over her shoulder and carried me off like I didn’t weigh any more than a feather.

She took me to the break room, laying me down carefully on the threadbare couch. “I’ll bring you some water, would you like some Advil too?” She asked.

I nodded and she gave me two thumbs out before skipping out of the room. She returned a few minutes later, handing me the pills. “What’s wrong, lovely?” She asked, and this was the first time I noticed her British accent.

“Migraine. Sound. Light hurts. Didn’t want to call in.” I swallowed the Advil and took slow sips of water.

Bunny nodded before getting up and mercifully dimming the lights. “Just lay back here, I won’t tell Mr. O’Brien. I’ll go bring you a blanket too,” She said, and before I could object she was gone.

I was quite embarrassed to be treated like this, but Bunny wouldn’t hear any apologies. Every half hour until the end of my shift she came in to check on me, got me more water. And feeling her gloved hand run through my hair was so genuinely soothing I almost cried.

Luckily I could drive myself home at the end of my shift. Bunny put her finger to her lips and told me it was our little secret that I rested for a ‘little while’ of my shift. Bitch, I was useless for over half of it, but Mr. O’Brien never found out.

Bunny was sweet. But Bunny and the other employees had a secret.

Like I said earlier, I didn’t know any of these other guys. Not that weird, I live in a small town but it’s not like you can know everyone. And I’m a bit of a hermit. I don’t go out except for work. But over time, I began to realize that I never saw the other employees leave.

Sure, they’d sometimes disappear for part of the day, but I never saw one leave the building. Not even to chill out back for a smoke break. I didn’t think too hard on it, it’s really easier not to think when something weird happens. I bet some of you have witnessed something that was in fact quite bizarre but just didn’t think of it that way. You made an excuse.

Course, it’s really hard to make an excuse when you walk in on your coworker literally pinning another one’s back together.

I should’ve already gone home, but there was a nasty shit explosion in the men’s bathroom and I was late. I just entered the back room to clock out when I saw Bunny and another performer called Pumpkin sitting on the couch. Pumpkin’s shirt was off and I nearly backed out, thinking I walked in on something a little private when I realized there was something very wrong with Pumpkin’s back.

Between her shoulder blades there was two deep red gashes, painfully swollen and oozing pus. She had tears in her eyes and I realized Bunny was holding silver pins in her fingers. A few pins were already in Pumpkin’s skin, forcefully keeping the skin together like a quilt my grandma would work on.

I dropped my water bottle, startling both women and Pumpkin yelping quietly as one of the pins slipped out. “Fuck, B… Bunny, it hurts so much,” She gasped.

Bunny set down the pins. “I can explain!” She said.

“I hope you can,” I hurried over to Pumpkin’s side to examine the wounds, “Jesus Christ, she needs a doctor!”

You might as well suggested I take Pumpkin out back and shoot her in the head with their expressions. I raised my hands in the air. “Or not! What do I know? Those wounds are infected though! She needs serious medical attention!”

“I need my wings back.”

Pumpkin sobbed quietly, holding her shirt up to cover her chest as she rocked back and forth. “I can’t do this anymore, Bunny! It hurts so much, I can’t dance like this!” She said.

Bunny rested her hand on Pumpkin’ s shoulder before looking at me. “… You’re a normal person, right, Robin?” She asked.

I nodded dumbly, wondering what the hell she could mean by that. Bunny nodded before she unzipped the back of her onesie and turned to let me have a look.

Right, I told you how Pumpkin’s back looked, right? Well Bunny’s was about a hundred times worse. Same two wounds, leaking pus and painfully swollen, only Bunny had the added bonus of having actual maggots crawling about in sores surrounded the slits. I nearly threw up as one squirming grub fell onto the ground.  

Bunny zipped herself back up before sitting down. “The best we can do is pin ourselves together. Mr. O’Brien won’t let us leave,” She said.

“Why?” I asked, shaking my head, unable to burn that horrid image from my head. “What did he do to you?”

“He took us.” Bunny wrapped her arms around herself. “He took us from our home and took away our wings. We can’t go back without them. If he suspects we’ve left… he’ll destroy them.”

“Then he still has them?”  

Bunny nodded and picked up the pins, pushing them through Pumpkin’s back to force the wounds together. “In his office. But we can’t go in there.”

I had already made up my mind by the time I walked to the door. “I’ll go then.”

Pumpkin’s eyes filled with hope but Bunny’s were filled with fear. “If he catches you, he’ll kill you,” She said.

“Hope he does,” I joked, although the joke was not taken well judging by Bunny’s horrified expression. “I’m kidding! I’ll be quick, he’ll never even know I was in there.”  

I slipped out of the backroom and headed right for the office. Whether it was luck or fate, Mr. O’Brien was out, and he never locked his door.  

I may have spitefully knocked the horseshoe off his door on the way in, I always thought that thing was stupid and really didn’t match the theme of the place, but I didn’t care. I don’t know if I’d let it sink in what Bunny and Pumpkin were, but I didn’t care.  

I found the wings stacked in the closet. Each were sealed in clear plastic, in every imaginable color and shape. I grabbed the whole stack, not sure which ones were Bunny’s or Pumpkin’s, and walked on out.

I almost was back to the break room when I heard Mr. O’Brien yell after me.

“Robin! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

I bolted into the room and locked the door behind me, throwing the plastic packaging at the girls. “He saw me! Find your wings!” I yelped as I held the door shut with my body.

Pumpkin pulled out a pair of monarch butterfly wings and crowed with joy as she stood, more bloody pins falling onto the ground. I felt Mr. O’Brien slam into the door behind me, I knew we didn’t have much time.

Bunny pulled out an incredibly large pair of pink wings and I saw her smile triumphantly before she held them to her back.

The door came off the hinges and I was thrown to the floor the same moment the room was filled with a white light.

When the light died down, Bunny was no longer in bunny ears and a onesie… and her eyes were much colder. Both her and Pumpkin stood side by side as O’Brien came into the room, going white as a sheet as he realized he was too late. “What have you done, Robin? Do you realize-”

Pumpkin crossed the floor and without so much a single moment of hesitation clawed out Mr. O’Brien’s eyes. He screamed in agony before Pumpkin tackled him to the ground, from where I was pinned under the goddamn door I could see squirts of blood coming from Mr. O’Brien’s general direction.

The door was lifted off of me and Bunny picked me up, setting me on my feet. She wasn’t short and cutesy anymore, she looked almost feral and towered almost two feet above me in height. “We’re even now, Robin,” She said as she patted my head, “I knew you’d do whatever I wanted you after I helped you with your headache. You wouldn’t like to owe a person, you’d hate owing a fae even more.”

She pressed her lips to my cheek and I was back in my bedroom.

Shit’s gone sideways here since last week. People disappearing only to reappear saying they’ve been gone for years, people who have been missing for literal decades have popped up thinking they’ve only been gone for a minute. People have bizarre Rube Goldberg machine-esque accidents that result in horrific maiming or death. Kids are gone for just a second suddenly act completely out of character, laughing at nothing and never sleeping. Nature is reclaiming any place abandoned by humans. I see people dancing down the streets, people with glowing wings and beautiful faces.

So I might’ve screwed my whole town and now we’re under attack by a bunch of fae who’ve been cooped up for fuck knows how long by a bastard who made them perform at his shitty pizzeria joint.  

Hopefully they’ll get bored and leave soon. I need to find a new job.  

[espithewarlock]

Happy @1016week! Day 7 - Traditions!

It seems fitting that for the final day of 1016 week I'm posting the first part of the Love in a Minute series. Hope you all have enjoyed the content this week as much as I have!

(❤ ω ❤)

Bahrain 2019 was Charles’ first ever Formula One podium. He had celebrated with an ecstatic Ferrari team late into the night and woke up mid-morning with a smile still plastered on his face.

Pierre had showed up to his room, dragged him to a tiny little cafe a couple blocks away from his hotel, and treated them to dessert-for-breakfast. Their hot beverages of choice (coffee for Pierre, tea for Charles) by their elbows at a too-small table in the corner and a decadent slice of cake split in the middle.

That repeated itself in Canada that same year. Charles’ second F1 podium. Despite his own less-than-ideal performance, Pierre showed up at his hotel in Montreal the next morning and grinned as he dragged Charles out to his rental car.

He drove them an hour outside the city to a tiny cafe in some random Canadian town that boasted something or another about their excellent drinks.

They talked the entire way there while Pierre played terrible rap music in the car. Once they got their drinks, they tucked themselves away in a too-small table in the corner to enjoy the beverages and split their dessert.

Again and again it happened. France two weeks later, his first ever P2 in Austria the week after that, and then Silverstone. Each time Pierre would find a little out-of-the-way cafe for them to have their own private celebration.

Charles’ first F1 win in Spa was muted by grief. Pierre still found him the next morning, smile dimmed for a multitude of reasons, and drove them in silence to a tiny cafe two towns over.

They laughed and they cried together at their too-small table long after their drinks were empty, bellies full of a shared dessert, minds sharing sorrow and triumph in equal measure.

Then there was Monza. The grief was still fresh but it was no longer as suffocating and Charles felt like he could truly celebrate, truly enjoy that victory. It was there that they found their place.

Pierre took him into the city, many blocks away from the city center, and into a little cafe that Charles wouldn’t have seen if Pierre hadn’t walked them inside.

It was perfect, small and cozy and welcoming with a too-small table tucked into a corner that hid them from prying eyes. Charles loved it at first sight, and he fell in love when he saw how reverently Pierre enjoyed every one of his bites of the tiramisu between them.

The season continued and Charles gained more podiums in Singapore and in Russia, each followed by a morning sharing drinks and conversation and dessert.

Brazil was where things changed. Charles had a DNF, but Pierre got to experience being drenched in champagne for the first time in his Formula One career. He looked magnificent standing on the podium and Charles just knew that he had to do something.

The next morning, he was the one to show up at Pierre’s hotel room door. The confusion was quickly replaced with a dazzling smile when Pierre realized that Charles was taking him out to celebrate.

Of course, Pierre had already done his cafe research in preparation and laughingly led them there when Charles explained that he didn’t actually know anywhere for them to go.

They got their drinks and their dessert and their too-small table in a corner and Charles got to see that reverent smile directed at him.

When Pierre got a bit of foam on the corner of his mouth, Charles could have told him about it, handed him a napkin, let him take care of it himself.

Instead, he leaned across the too-small table and kissed it away.

Pierre was shocked, surprised at first and didn’t initially respond. Charles pulled back, face beginning to heat up in embarrassment and an apology on his tongue.

That apology was swallowed when Pierre grabbed his chin and brought their faces back together, kissing him back for all he was worth.

It took them much longer than usual to finish their dessert in their little cafe in Brazil. Each bite was accompanied by a brush of their lips, new and sweet and perfect. They tangled their legs together underneath their too-small table, tucked away in a hidden corner, and Charles never wanted to leave.

At the last race of the season, in Abu Dhabi, Pierre dragged him out of his room not just to celebrate his podium, but to celebrate his fourth place in the driver’s championship.

That, technically, wasn’t a podium, but it was still an accomplishment. At least, Pierre told him as much between sips of their drinks, bites of their dessert, and kisses across the too-small table.

The start of 2020 was scary and uncertain. By the time they actually started racing, Charles was a bit of a mess, but he managed to finish the very first race in Austria on the second step.

Charles didn’t know what was going to happen afterwards. They weren’t allowed to go anywhere, but he really shouldn’t have worried. Pierre showed up at the door of his motorhome with two carryout mugs and a box holding their dessert.

He nearly spit out his drink when it turned out to be Pierre’s coffee, but they swapped as soon as they stopped laughing over the identical face that Pierre made with Charles’ tea.

They sat together at the too-small table inside of Charles’ motorhome and he knew that no matter what happened with the rest of the season, they would be together for it.

Again in Silverstone, Pierre showed up with a smile behind his facemask and they crowded together inside his motorhome, legs tangled together away from the rest of the world.

Monza was once again the place of something magical. Pierre’s first win, standing on the top step in front of an empty crowd with eyes that burned into Charles’ soul.

He was staying at Pierre’s apartment in Milan and woke up the next day to go to their perfect little cafe and bring their celebration back home.

They sat together at the too-small table on Pierre’s balcony, feeding each other bites of tiramisu with a single fork between kisses while their legs were tangled under the table.

Later, their legs got much more tangled together between Pierre’s bedsheets.

(Not for the first time, of course, but it was still memorable since they were celebrating Pierre finally becoming a race winner.)

The rest of the season was less than spectacular. Charles got tantalizingly close to another couple of podiums but they didn’t get to find any new cafes in any of those cities.

It was a little surprising, though definitely not undeserved, that the next podium they got to celebrate together was also Pierre’s. Charles thoroughly enjoyed their battle on track for the final podium position and told Pierre as much while they were tucked away in a corner in a tiny cafe in Baku.

Silverstone was yet again a place where Charles tasted champagne, though he far preferred tasting coffee and sweets on Pierre’s lips while sitting across from him at a too-small table in an English cafe.

Despite neither of them finishing on the podium in Monza, they still found their perfect table inside their perfect cafe and tangled their legs together while they shared a slice of tiramisu. That cafe was theirs and a trip to Milan, to Monza, was incomplete without a visit.

The remainder of the 2021 season ended with another few flirts with podiums for both of them, but they did not get to go out and celebrate with drinks and shared desserts the next morning.

2022 started in phenomenal form for Charles. Four podiums in the first five races, two of which saw him return to the top step. It was incredible and the team was ecstatic, but Charles always had a secondary celebration to look forward to.

Pierre led him to cafes in Bahrain, in Jeddah, in Australia, and in Miami. All of them had too-small tables in hidden corners, perfect for sharing kisses between bites of their dessert and sips of their drinks, legs tangled together.

He had a run of DNF’s, of disappointing fourths and fifths, as he saw his lead in the championship start to slip away.

Austria was almost a revival, a brilliant weekend that was capped off with a first-place finish. It was followed by a tiny cafe in the outskirts of Spielberg. Pierre told him how proud he was, how much he believed in Charles, while feeding him dessert and kissing him even more sweetly.

The championship continued to slip further and further away and it took him a heartbreaking DNF followed by two sixth-place finishes before he found the podium again. Pierre was always there as a beacon of support, but they didn’t return to any cafes until Zandvoort.

Sitting in that tiny cafe in the Netherlands recharged him and invigorated him for the rest of the season. Charles was determined to fight for the wins and the podiums, for the cafes and the kisses.

They were able to return to the cafe, their cafe, in Milan for a celebration that he earned this year. Getting second wasn’t what he wanted, but Charles realized inside of their perfect little cafe that what he truly wanted was already sitting across from him.

It was soft smiles and sweet kisses between bites of tiramisu.

It was warm drinks and legs tangled together because they were sitting so close.

It was too-small tables, tucked into corners that hid them away from the rest of the world.

It was Pierre. It was always Pierre.

[bookwormscififan]

Sing Us a Song

Read on AO3!

Concept art

A/N: I just like writing Mare singing songs to Mad at Phantom's bar.

--

Phantom looked up when Jackie gasped, spotting Mad and Mare walking into the bar and heading toward them.

“I swear you said you’d never come back,” Phantom groused as Mare reached the bar, ensuring Mad had a seat before turning his attention to his brother. “You gotta stop messing with me, my heart can’t take it.”

“Your heart will cope,” Mare rolled his eyes, tapping his fingers on the bar. “Mad wanted to come out for a bit, so I suggested here, being that it’s a place he’s familiar with.” He nodded at Jackie when the hero handed him two glasses, one filled with whiskey and the other with plain water.

“He also said he wouldn’t perform here again,” Jackie piped up, smiling at Mad. “He didn’t say anything about not coming in for a drink. Besides, he’d go anywhere Mad does; they’re practically attached at the hip.”

“Go drink your drinks,” Phantom said to Mare, wiping the area of the bar that Mare had tapped. “I’ve got to make sure the next set are prepared.”

--

“I can drink, you know.” Mad watched as Mare downed his glass, motioning to Jackie for a refill before turning to smile at Mad.

“Drunk Mad is for my eyes only,” he joked, gently flicking the tip of Mad’s nose with a smirk. “You wanted to go out, not get drunk after two shots. Relax.” When Mad rolled his eyes, Mare leaned forward to give him a kiss on the forehead, then leaned back to see the secret smile tugging at the corners of Mad’s lips.

“You can’t kiss my annoyance away all the time,” he mumbled, eyes widening when Mare hopped up to sit on the bar, propping a leg up and looking at Mad with bright eyes.

I adore you, I annoy you,

What can I say? I can’t ignore you.

The gleam in your eyes is like starlight,

And I just need to hold on tight.

Coffee-coloured hair, dotted freckles,

I adore the way you stare.

The smiles you save just for me,

They’re all I see.

----

Jackie frowned when he heard a thud on the bar beside him, pausing his glass drying to look at Phantom slouched over the bar, glaring at Mare. He watched Phantom slap his face with a hand, the other resting on the wood in front of him, slowly dragging his hand through his hair to cover his annoyed expression.

“Phan?”

“Why does he do this?” Phantom’s voice was muffled, but Jackie could clearly hear the exhaustion in it.

“What are you so miffed about? He’s singing.”

“He’s singing on my bar, but only to Mad.” Phantom peered through his fingers at the couple, and Jackie followed his gaze to see that Mare was indeed only focusing on Mad while the other patrons were listening to him.

“So? Can’t a man sing a song to his loved one?”

“Nobody’s listening to the musicians I paid to perform here, Jackie!” Phantom said, voice a little louder as he threw his hands up. “Nobody’s listening to them, because they’re all listening to Mare!” He fell back against the bar, covering his face with a hand as Mare continued to sing, lost in his own little world.

Jackie frowned again, resuming the glass cleaning as he looked at Mare and Mad.

----

And I’ll sing this song,

Until the end of our days.

Because I love how you smile,

And the shine of your gaze.

I’ll follow you,

To the ends of the earth.

Being by your side,

I can’t begin to count the worth.

Mare finished his song, caressing Mad’s cheek as he smiled, then was pulled out of the tender moment by the bar patrons cheering and clapping. Looking around with wide eyes, he saw Phantom slouched over the bar and Jackie’s apologetic shrug, then tilted his head and downed his last glass.

Giving Jackie a two-fingered salute, he quietly led Mad out of the bar, ignoring the cries of the patrons, getting Mad comfortable in the car before starting the engine, sending a quick apology to Phantom and driving home.

--

“Phan’s upset.” Mad stated as they walked through the front door, helping Mare out of his jacket and hanging it up before looking at the musician.

“He’s always upset. I told him I wouldn’t perform there again, and people just keep being drawn to my voice when I sing to you,” Mare replied, rubbing his hands through his own hair as he toed off his shoes and walked down the hall toward the bedroom. “Sometimes I hate how well I can sing.”

“You don’t hate your singing skills,” Mad rebutted, tugging off his shirt and pulling on one of Mare’s old shirts, “You hate that other people intrude on your private moments of singing.” Swapping his jeans for a pair of soft sweatpants, Mad climbed into the bed and fiddled with the blanket as he waited for Mare to join him.

“My problem is nosy people, yes,” Mare agreed, fixing his hair before climbing into the bed in just his boxers, sitting beside Mad and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “My problem is also spontaneity; I can’t refuse an opportunity to write you a song.”

----

As Phantom locked up the bar, Jackie picked lint off his coat, watching his boyfriend frown as the keys got stuck in the lock.

“It’s not his fault,” he began quietly when Phantom walked back to him, taking his coat and shrugging it on. “You’re like sirens: your voices just attract people. If you both sing, you’ll attract a huge crowd.”

“I know,” Phantom sighed, taking Jackie’s hand and walking with him down the street before sending them home. “I’m not that angry with him, really, just a little annoyed that he keeps showing up at the bar.”

“He needs to take Mad somewhere less popular than the bar,” Jackie said, tilting his head as an idea came to mind. “What if we opened up the back of the bar for private booths?” His eyes gleamed as he looked at Phantom, smiling at his idea.

“It is a wraparound bar,” Phantom replied, tone considering. “And we’d get more people if we made use of the back part. Jackie, how are you so clever?” He wrapped his arms around Jackie and gave him a kiss on the side of his head.

“Mare could even perform in the private room to a small crowd if he wants,” Jackie continued, moving with Phantom as they headed for the bedroom. “Talk to Night about a little more funding to furnish that section tomorrow, then we can talk to Mare about it.”

----------

@iamvegorott @brokentimewatch @dungeon-dragons-dragons

[harryleatherfit]

Upper East Side || A.U || Frankie Morales

Chapter 10: Hands

Chapter Playlist

Family Tree- Ethel Cain

Novacane- Frank Ocean

Butterscotch Goddamn- Fischerspooner

words: 5481

warnings: alcohol consumption, thigh riding, being held back?? orgasm, mentions of blood (fake tho) mentions of abusive parents, soft!dom frankie

pairing: Frankie Morales x F!Reader || Slowburn x Teacher Student x Soulmates

authors note: kinda a filler, but smut no worries. leading up to my favorite chapters i promise. had a few requests for one shots so working on those too!

🪩Main Master List🪩 Series Master List🪩

Frankie +POV

It was a night at the bar for him and the boys. One of their last free nights before it was time for the show. They were all exhausted from teaching during the day, to working on the set at night. He stayed with Benny and you for your lesson, to fortunately have a night of his life that he’ll never forget, but he was exhausted. The set for the Broadway theater had to be perfect. So many people were coming, and the school was going to be the talk of many social media outlets, newspaper columns, and this would bring in so much money for the spring musical.

Ultimately, he wanted this to all be over and to spend time with you. He wanted to put everything aside and swish you away for a vacation, or to go away and be around people that wouldn’t know you both. This feeling was eating him alive, he needed to be alone tonight with you, but you had previously told him you were sleeping early tonight to save your energy for the weekend, and the boys wanted to pull him away for a few drinks.

“Hello, Earth to Fish.” Pope waved his hand. “What’s up with you man?”

“Nothing, I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks.” He tells the bartender. It was 10ish, the night life at this specific bar was more older. Jazz was playing, attracting an older crowd. The guys ordered their drinks and food, making small talk about the show.

“Nah I know what this is about, it’s about that girl isn’t it?” Ironhead states. His girl.

He caught Frankie in a daze, “What?” He was already daydreaming about you. Longing for your soft heartfelt touch.

“You know who I’m fucking talking about, don’t play dumb with us man.”

He chuckles, “What can I say, this is different.” He sips his drink.

“You’re happier,” Refly adds.

“I haven’t had these many heart palpitations in a long time. She’s gonna kill me.” Frankie scratches his head, he didn't want to give too much away, but they all already knew about you. They had to pluck it out of him when he was drunk on poker night.

“About damn time dude.” Pope cheers, “Get this man more drinks he’s fuckinnnn pussy whipped! Had to find out the hard way you brought in Timothee for her, and that’s he’s comin tomorrow too? I feel betrayed.” He gasps.

“Calm down, calm down. It’s complicated, we can’t be screamin it to the world.” He hushes Pope down.

“How? You posted her, it's everywhere man.” Ironhead pips.

He’s thought about this a million times, talked it over with you a billion, “I just feel bad, being her teacher. I don’t want her to ever think I have some ulterior motive with her, or her to think I’m usin her. I mean we’ve talked about it before, and we know the risks of doing this. But I won’t lie and say that I’m not scared. She’s scared. If we’re open to the public this could ruin the both of us, and we’ll be looked at differently.” He gulps the last of the drink, “I mean when I told you guys, you all didn’t give me shit which I was surprised you didn’t clown me at first but-.”

“Fish, we saw how you reacted when we went to UNCSA to see her perform. Remember that night, after he hugged her and she didn’t even pay any attention to him? He practically cried like a little baby.” Redfly deadpanned, “I mean we could all see her talent from that stage. You were just the old grump that wanted her to jump your bones.” Abruptly bursting into laughter Ironhead and Pope clapped Redfly on the back.

“Very fucking funny man.” Frankie grumbles. He rips his hand around his glass cup, thinking about what you were doing right now, he hasn’t seen you since your voice lesson.

The first time he saw you was at your last performance of Cabaret. He couldn’t believe your performance, the way you fit Sally so well. Blowing the whole crowd away, the makeup on your face shimmered in the magnetic lighting, the costume flowing with the curve of your legs. Every miniscule facial expression is meticulously made up in your head. He could feel your character soaking in everyone's life, walking out of the show changed. A star. The next night, the whole team was tasked to go to your music recital, and your voice made people cry. Your emotion in singing was mood altering. This night reminded him of his childhood, how badly he wanted to let his creative brain flow but was inevitably allowed to. He had an older brother that would get under his skin, and parents that would eventually throw him out. Events in his life he wouldnt change, but still broke his soul nonetheless. He understood exactly what it was like to be a foreigner to your blood family, and seeing you shake from your mom took him back to when he was a little boy. He craved a love that would devour his body eternally at such a young age, he never thought he would find it. Because of this, he had to get to know you somehow. Once he knew everyone finalized for you and Laylah to come, he vowed to himself that he had to learn to be close to you, and find a way to protect you from evil New York, no matter what happened between you two.

Ultimately, being with you has changed him, and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to scare you, but he wants more with you, he wants more for you.

“It happens, and that’s okay. We’ll help you figure this out. Benny, have you got any wise words of yours?” Redfly asks.

Frankie knew this wasn’t an easy topic for him, you being his star student. Of course you were the star student, they all fucking knew that. Emails from every agency asking about you, asking when you’d be done with college and ready to have your acting reel done. Ready to come to Hollywood and work with the real dogs. But, Benny was being the quietest of them all, he was happy for Frankie and you, not letting you know he knows, but this was a serious matter. Benny would be the one to help you for the rest of the year to make sure you would get a good part in the musical, as well getting booked after college.

It was his job to make sure the world sees your talent, as well as hears how well you sound. From a teacher's perspective he didn’t fully agree with it all, of course it would be a scandal, a teacher with a student. But as a long time friend with Frankie, he understood. He knew his life, knew what he has gone through and observes that this is the happiest Frankie has ever been.

“Well you flustered her, the entire lesson. She was trying really fucking hard to not be unfocused, but you do something to her that distracts her.”

Frankie frowned, he didn’t want to distract you, he didn’t want to hurt you in any way. He didn't want to be in the way of anything for you.

“I mean they’re practically fucking teenagers, if you all were there you would’ve felt the energy, they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other.” He laughs, how Benny had no idea what had happened after her voice lesson, and leading up to it, “I’m happy for you Fish, and I support you guys every step of the way, I will always be here to help with Media, or anything that comes out. I will use my power in this fucked world. We all will, right?” Benny gets nods from the guys, “See we’re all here to help you, just be careful with her. Don’t fucking break her. You saw how fragile she is. She’s strong but one wrong kick coming from the wrong person.” Referencing your mom and Nina, “Then she can bring the world down with her. She’s emotional, but she’ll turn that emotion into her craft. We literally saw it in her audition, so this can’t be some one night stand shit.” One night stand enrages Frankie. You were definitely not some one night stand.

“She isn’t some one night stand Benny. Can’t fuckin believe you’d think that.”

“Hey, don’t fuckin talk to me like that. Or you aren’t allowed in her lessons anymore.” He snarls back at Frankie, “All I’m saying, we’ve seen you spiral after being with someone. Okay? This, whatever this is with her, is fucking precious and if you break it, if you fuck it up, and this ruins her career, you have to live with that.”

The air was stagnant with the boys, heavy and thick. Words said in the air to make Frankie overthink, was he in the way of your life? Was he gonna ruin you?

“I think I’m in love with her.” But, he could never truly say this to you, “I am gonna ask her to be my girl after the first show. I think it’s time, I want to take things slow with her.”

“Well congrats Fish, first step to finally settlin down.” Pope assures, ordering another round of drinks.

--------

Last rehearsal before opening night, the longest night of them all. Earlier in the week, it was the first dress rehearsal and there was magic in the air. Getting to work with the full set and props on Broadway, feeling the lights on your skin. Makeup sponged into your pores. Costumes sewed to your body, it was all so surreal.

The sleep you had gotten the night before was rejuvenating enough for your body, at least enough for your head to properly perceive the next few days. You were excited and couldn’t wait to become someone else for a while, you had the opportunity to really wow an audience again.

Techies were called at 5PM, thirty minutes after the last class had ended for the day, and actors were called at 6, but you decided to take today as a rest day, per Ms. Royalce’s order. You hadn’t gotten to see Frankie all day, you hadn’t seen him since your voice lesson, but you decided to go in with Laylah for her call time so you could at least see him even though he was going to be outrageously busy.

After having your ID checked by the outside ushers of the theater, you were met with the authentic air. The air that you could live, breathe, eat and sleep for eternity. Tonight was your last night of freedom, tomorrow can’t be safe.

As you always have seen, Frankie was on a ladder fixing something on the stage, all the other professors/ directors fiddling with papers, making phone calls, and having their assistants book food for the night. Nina is nowhere to be found. A sigh of relief fell from your heart.

You came with Laylah early, always eager to see what each rehearsal has in store.

“Over here! The perfect people, get over here!” Ms Roylance shouts from the apron of the stage.

You and Laylah shake your heads, wondering where that could have come from, she was always a stressed woman but you make way.

Frankie looks down from the light he was fixing and as he immediately lays eyes on you, you see the giddy boy smile on his face as he rushes down the steps. The swell in your heart.

“My perfect star girl, are you excited?”

You chew your cheek, “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t, I mean look at this.” You turn to all the empty seats that will be filled the very next night.

“I am so grateful you guys are here early. Laylah can you get her into her makeup right now, once you’re done coffee would have arrived by then so first dips for you both.”

“Hey I made the call to that company,” Mr. Miller objects, “I should get first dibs over them.” He pouts.

“You’ll drink about anything with caffeine in it man.” Frankie shakes his shoulders.

Their banter makes you happy, all of them being able to work together makes the performing arts world ten times better.

“Ok head off, go get all beautified.” Ms Roylace shoos you both away, “And hey Morales? Go with them to update them for the night.”

His face drops and you laugh under your breath, turning away with Laylah going to the dressing rooms where the makeup would be.

You make your way into the room, admiring all the signatures over the walls, the wigs on the shelves and beautiful products you would never have the money to buy. You sit in the chair and clean your face with a soothing toner, clawing your hair pack for Laylah.

Frankie walks in and you look at him through the mirror, smiling so hard you knew the crinkle from eyes would be permanent all night.

“Evenin ladies, I wanted to let you know that I called some people to watch the show tonight, we’ll have a little audience. Hope that doesn’t frighten you.”

“If I may ask,” Laylah inquires as she starts rubbing your face with moisturizer, “Who will be in this audience.”

“I wanted Timothee to come back with some of his co-stars from the French Dispatch to come.”

You immediately choke on your saliva, remembering why you met Timothee in the first place. You open your eyes to see his smirk.

“Any tips for tonight to impress our impending crowd, Mr Morales?” You tilt your head in his direction.

“Be yourself, you’ll dazzle them all. Don’t worry darlin.” He tangles his arms together, “Hey Laylah, put that gold glitter all over her collar bones, I think we should do that tonight. The blood with the glitter will react with her skin well.”

“I like your thinking,” Laylah rummages through the boxes, “I found it!” They cheer.

“Now grab a bowl, dump a spoon of glitter with liquid highlighter, and after set with hairspray on her chest. That’ll make it stay all night.”

As Laylah flicks the glitter over your collar bones, covering up most of your tattoos and spraying Lady Macbeth over your body, Frankie gazing over you. The glitter makes you a trophy. He was so soft, explaining everything to them.

You noticed how hard he was with his students, he had this front to him that was horrible to break. But once you got to work with him, got to know him and understand his tough love thought process, he was like that to make you work harder. You appreciate him so much. You were surprised how he never had children of his own, he knew parental parameters so well. His delicacy turned you on, in reality he was really touchable to everyone.

“All done.” They spink you towards Frankie, “It’s beautiful on you.”

He caught his breath, “Gorgeous.” And his eyes never leave you.

“I’m gonna continue her makeup if you don’t mind.” They smile at him and you smack yourself in the head, that was definitely awkward for Laylah. He gets up and leaves with no explanation.

They pause, “So you gonna tell me what the fuck that was about?”

“No comment.” You smirk.

“After tonight, you-me, The Bear, and you’re fucking tellin me what’s going on.” They shake their head

“Deal.”

----------

You were given your cue to walk on stage, it was your final dress rehearsal, you were in Lady Macbeth's gown and makeup, your hair was done and you were in more character than ever.

As soon as you were on the stage alone, you could feel the presence of these important people. You could see Timothee’s curly hair in your eyesight. When you walked up to the apron of the stage to deliver your first monologue you could feel the personality of Saoirse Ronan. You could feel the life of Wes Anderson in front of you, you can feel the scarcity of Adrien Brody. This was your only opportunity to impress- you can not fuck it up.

You move through your dialogue, making sure to slow down. As an actor, you have to anticipate, and live through the character vicariously.

Just as you had done during your audition, just like rehearsals, you dig through your mind of every piece of advice you had been given to complete this character. Before the show was set to start, you listened to rain. You listened to women screaming for their lives, shaking from the decibels resonating through your head.

You and Mattias moved through the stage carefully, and when it was time for your death monologue, you felt the strength to scream, you felt your throat viling up to convulse. You thought of your mom’s phone call. You thought of your father, the tone of voice he had with your mother. You felt the syrupy blood that was thrown on you before hand seeping through your clothes, all over your face. Dripping from your fingertips, your character wanted vengeance, she wanted a life. You wanted a life. Your scream filled the entire theater. You wanted it to hurt your throat, you liked the threading dull pain it felt in your throat. This wasn’t acting anymore, this was you purely on the stage. You weren’t mad that you didn’t save your throat, Mr. Miller can take it up with you for another day.

Finishing the end, you sleep walk off stage, ending your final collapse. Gasping, flinching for air. You could contort your body so easily in a character role, it almost freaked you out. Never realizing how inflicting pain on yourself for something, or at least acting like it, was memorable in your heart.

You get pulled off stage by a crew member, walking off to your dressing room to clean yourself up. Applauded on the way from the tech crew, you felt relieved that it was finally over. Your first real performance would be the next day.

You turned the corner and the, already smirking in the mirror. Frankie sitting in your chair.

“That was,” He rubs his chin, “That was different.” Looking at his heavy eyes, you both were tired.

You shrug, “It was.” The fake blood was seeping off your body, “I think I hurt my voice.”

“It felt too real, c’mere, come sit on my lap.” He leans back in the chair, “And lock the door.”

“Frankie, they’ll see the blood on you and what if they need you in the booth?” You shudder.

“They’ll fuckin survive, I wanna be with my girl and I’m wearing black clothes.”

He reaches his arms out, pulling you in close. The dress you were wearing was beyond thick at the bottom.“You never cease to amaze me, they all couldn’t stop talking about you.”

You sit on his thighs, he tucked loose strands of hair behind your ears, heart beating faster than ever, “How do you know?” You ask, head falling underneath his chin.

“I sat with them for your scenes, I left the crew in the booth. They should have it down by now anyway. That Anderson man was shocked how loud you can scream.”

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.” You laugh.

“No beautiful, they all couldn't take their eyes off you. You upstage Mattias a lot in your scenes and they couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful you are.” He hums.

“Liar,” You shut your eyes, inhaling his usual intoxicating scent. The room was small enough that being there for minutes you could only smell him. He starts to kiss your neck, getting the blood all over his face.

“Frankie, we need to go before we get caught,” You start to shove him off, “ or before bows.”He pulls you back down immediately, “We have time, I promise.”

He wraps his arms around you, lacing his hands on the bodice of your dress.

“You look perfect in this, the fabric and beading of it is so intricate.” He traces the middle seam of the bodice, moving up all the way to your chest, loosening the ties to the corset top.

“Frankie, what do you think you’re doing? It took three people to get me into this.”

“Let me make you feel good, I know you’re tired sweet girl, always workin so hard.” You straighten up against him, he always knew how to sugar coat your brain.

“Bring the dress over your head, let me see you.” You do as he says, lifting off his lap, moving the tulle and silk layers away from your legs up to your head. He grabs it over your head throwin it on the floor, leaving you in your basics that practically looked like lingerie. You had on sheer black tights that showed your tattoos, and your basics couldn't leave much to the imagination. You were glad you hadn’t worn rags underneath this, you were lucky that no fake blood got on any of it either.

“Wearin this for me?” He mutters, “Who knew that basics underneath a costume could be so promiscuous, huh?” He kisses your arm, trailing back up to your neck, almost whimpering when he leaves your skin to breathe.

“I have much more to wear for you, Frankie.” You breathe.

His mind goes blank, getting to see you in such delicate clothing that you liked was a world phenomena. “Well, I have a surprise for you after the show tomorrow.” He coos, “Been waiting to show you for a while.”

“You can’t tell me now?” You close your eyes, leaning back behind his head. His hands lingering near your lower stomach. What does a suprise mean to him?

“That would ruin all the fun, sweetheart.” He purrs. He was being so soft with you, taking care of you after such a long week of working. You squirm against him, of course heat was growing beneath you. You could feel the padded fabric enclosing your pussy go damp. If you lifted yourself off of his leg, there would be a pool beneath you. Frankie has this power over you that couldn’t be controlled. You noticed today he was wearing tighter jeans than usual, his bulge being so prominent that nothing could hide it.

“Keep movin darlin, I can feel that soaked pussy pulsating on my leg.”

“You want me to- you want me to keep rubbing-?” You mumble.

“Don’t be embarrassed, pretty girl, use my leg. Move those hips back and forth on my thigh and get yourself off.”

Your brain short circuits and before you can do anything, his fingers pull your nipples, delicately circling them. He watches you tick, back almost giving out.

You start to move up and down, bracing your hands on his knee for stability. You couldn’t get enough friction, the padding of your underwear keeping you away from him. You drag a hand to your clothed cunt, pulling aside your underwear, exposing yourself on his thick muscle. Feeling his body hug you, you clamp down on him. Your clit flutters against the perfect spot on his jeans.

“Dirty girl, pussy out in the open. That’s my girl. Keep rubbin, keep fuckin soakin my leg.”

The bulge of his quad muscle working against your core had you shrieking. He wraps a hand around your mouth.

“You can’t be loud honey, and that voice needs to rest. Think you can be quiet for me?”

“Nh- Frankie- feel’s good. Your leg is so- so thick.” Your gasps are muffled by his hand, your eyes crossing from the pleasure. The weight of his hand on your face makes you crack.

“That’s right pretty girl, rub on my leg like it’s my cock. So beautiful when you’re gettin yourself off on me. I can watch this all my life baby.” He brushes his face into your hair. Sweat was building all over your body, you were beyond flushed, and you were getting goosebumps on how this orgasm felt too different.

It felt slower, but the anticipation of it all was driving you fucking crazy. His hand covering your mouth, and his arm holding you down felt like gold. Your orgasm hitting you so painfully that if he didn’t hold you back, you would’ve screamed your head off, convulsing from the rippling of your muscles intermixing with his.

You could breathe perfectly through your nose, chest heaving but never forgetting how good this felt for you. You fall back into him, laying limp.

“Baby, was that too much? You’re silent-was I holding you down too tight, can you breathe-” He rushes.

“Can I breathe? Frankie that was amazing. Your so fucking strong, I needed you to hold me back, “ You weave your hands through his hair, “So fucking strong, fuck.”

You thought of him, fucking you. You riding him and him pulling you down onto you. You craved that moment. You were beyond blissed out.

“Just tie me down and fuck me already Frankie.” You relish.

“You’d like that, huh?”

You nod seductively, you’re fucking ready to do anything with him.

“Jesus girl, that mouth’s gonna get you in trouble.” He laughs.

"Let it, wanna do everything with you.” You crash your lips with his, you mean every word. Your heart swells when you're around him now.

You get up from his lap, shakily looking for the clothes you came to the theater with. You look into the mirror, the blood smeared all over your neck. Frankie laughs that he has it all over his face from kissing you.

You check your phone, it was 20 minutes after your death scene, bows.

“Frankie, bows are any minute!” You panic

He finds the closest wipes, rubbing the blood off. The only noticeable stain on him now was on his jeans. Nobody could possibly know, right?

You open your door slowly, checking to see if the coast is clear for you both to walk out. You pull his arm with you, quickly rushing out of the dressing area.

You guys get back to the stage, holding hands with him in the dark, leading you off. You hurry to get to your spot in the line, taking bow with your castmates, channeling the biggest smile in your face. Squeezing Mattias’s hand, the perfect duo on stage.

A row of accomplished faces in front of you steer into roars, all your worries run away. Your standing ovation from them was minutes.

The lights go back to normal and everyone's hugging each other. After so long working on this show, everything is paying off.

Timothee runs up the stairs to the stage giddishly, weaving through the cast, to come up and hug you. You gasp, you can’t believe that he remembers who you are.

“I mean I saw you in that monologue, but fuck man,” He prods, “You’re amazing. Frankie was right.”

You smile stupidly, uncanny that he knows you because of Frankie. “None of you had to come, I mean this is too much.” Timothee hugs Mattias and you two feel like children at Disney World.

“Man they wanted to, I said I was going to see a friend of mines show,” He whispers under hsi breath, “That his girl is gonna be on broadway you asshole- on fucking broadway,” He yells, “And they all wanted to tag along after a long day of filming and dealing with busy people.”

You can see all of them talking to Frankie in the corner, bracing yourself as they move closer to you in a group, slightly hiding behind Mattias.

“And this is your Macbeth and Lady Macbeth.” Frankie introduces you.

You all shake hands and exchange names, butterflies killing your stomach.

“I just wanted to say, thank you all for coming to see the show, this is more than I could have ever dreamt of.” You blurt.

Wes not saying much, smiling and partially shy.

“Please, this was a delight to see. Up and coming talent is the most important.” Saoirse hugs you, her Irish accent so thick.

Adrien pats Frankie on the shoulder, “We knew this man made a perfect set, but you actors are gonna put us out of jobs.” He says, such a hot man. You couldn’t breath with all this talent and beautiful people around you.

“Where you both from?” Adrien asks.

“I'm from the Bronx and she’s from North Carolina.” Mattias points at you.

“Ah, the Carolinas. Like it there?” He asks.

“It was alright, treated me well. Not much to do but it’s pretty.” It was such a pretty state.

“We had to go film there for a scene in a museum, it was a scene for Timothee. Have you been to the art museum?” Wes pipes up, surprised that he was even talking to you.

“Yes I have!” You nod, “I think that’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”

“Wait til you go to Europe, your mind will explode.” Timothee adds.

You think about it, “If I may ask, was there anything that you all saw that I, or we both could work on?”

“No, don’t change anything. This is beautiful. Beautifully casted. You both work so well together, and the dialogue is magnificent. And you, I mean that scream blew all our eardrums out.” Saoirse says.

TImothee and Adrien agree.

“I would, “ Wes moves closer to you both, “Shake your legs, and breathe. Look at me.” You and Mattias do as the strange man says, “ How do you feel, exactly every word in your head.”

“Scared and nervous to be around people like you, my hearts gonna burst and my words could slur and strew together.” Mattias spits.

Frankie coughs.

“And you?” Wes turns.

You nod fast, motioning to everything Mattias said.

“That’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if there's people like us in the crowd. We are ordinary people in the crowd. We are nobodies. You two are the stars of the show, so feel like it.” His funky smile shows.

The stress falls off your shoulder in an instant, feeling Mattias’s relief.

“Everythings gonna be okay, you two. Nothing to worry about.” Frankie pulls you and Mattias in for a hug. Hand falling to your lower back.

------

You made it back to your suite, Hannah and Rose already asleep, but Laylah not failing to go through her word with a self care night.

She bombards you when you walk through the door, “What's going on with you and Mr. Morales? Why was he being so awkward? You have to tell me please please please…”

“Get off me.” You giggle, “They can't hear this.”

They settle on their bed, handing you a sheet mask and a cup of lemon tea.

“You pinky swear, I mean Laylah this can end both of us, if I tell you. You can’t tell anyone. No one, not even the boy you were with.”

“I promise with my life, I will never tell anyone.” Crossing their fingers with yours.

“I don’t know just that night at the club, he was there with all the other teachers, and he saw me. I went to the bathroom and things just started to happen..”

“No need for the details,” They shake you, “ But what the actual fuck! So the eyes at the beginning of the year were real!”

“They were real… that picture he posted, the one you guys were talking about in the group chat was me.”

“No fucking way, what the fuck.” She whispers

“Trust me I know, I didn’t know what to say, and he just did it and I had to act dumb in the group chat.”

“You fucking bitch, the whole time it was you and you knew!”

“I know I’m a criminal, I can’t help it,” Sipping on your tea, “But it’s all so new you know. We’ve both been so busy with everything and trying to stay away from the public together and yeah, all so new.”

“Andd…”

“And what?”

“Are you guys dating? Fucking?”

“No, and not yet. I mean we're monogamous, we're only seeing each other right now but it's all so risky and we graduate in less than a year, wherever I go he can’t follow me. I’m happy with where we’re both at right now. And imagine people find out Laylah, I would never be casted again and he’d be fired. It would look like I’m fucking my way to the top when I’m not.” You huff, the whole situation works you up.

“You’re smart, do not let this get in the way of loving him. The way he was staring at you today. They way he said he’d check on you in the booth a couple weeks ago, he’s in it deep.”

“God I’d hope so.” You fucking hope so.

——-

previous || next

[heymeowmao]

2022.11.12 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324835300236198380

Finished up filming in the morning, came home to wait for the night scenes... I’ll just stream for a small bit~

LYN: Good afternoon, everyone. Bet you didn’t think that I would come in the afternoon, huh? It’s just been too long since I streamed last, so I had to do one in the afternoon. LYN: Yes, I’m wearing the in-ear today. You seem to find it quite new, that I’m wearing the in-ear instead of using headphones. It’s because there may be some stage performances coming up, so I have to get used to wearing it. I haven’t really been respecting my profession. As a singer, it’s already been about a year without having done a performance. I’ve already forgotten what it feels like to be on stage. So I have to wear the in-ear even what I’m at home to find that feeling again.

C: You look a little water swollen. LYN: Yes. You’re already so familiar with my face that you can’t possibly be any MORE familiar with it. Because a lot of you like to post up my unedited pictures. There are so many that you all have a keen understanding of my five senses- my eyes/nose/mouth and everything. I’m only just the slightest bit swollen AND I have the beauty filter on, and you can still tell. How much must you understand me? I really have to thank the people posting these pictures... so that you can know me so well.  LYN: I woke up a little early today- the crew wanted me in to hair/makeup at 5a. Why? Because I heard that there’s a marathon in Hengdian today and the roads would be closed, so if I went any later I probably would not have been able to make it in. If I wanted to get into hair/makeup by 5a, I had to get up at 4a- so I didn’t really sleep. You know what happened? I just got to the dressing room and they announced that the marathon was cancelled. Absolutely dumbfounding. I got up early for nothing. The roads weren’t closed either. They were afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it in the morning, so they arranged to have me in by 5am. But the marathon ended up being cancelled, so what could I do? I went to the filming site and did my scene. I only had one (1) day scene, and the rest are all night scenes, so after the day scene was finished they told me to come back and sleep. Instead of coming home to sleep I decided to stream, since it’s been a long time. When night falls I’ll go back to work. I guess this counts as having gotten off work already, then. I woke up early, so my face is a bit swollen. Be generous. You’ve seen so many of my “ugly” pictures, I’m sure this is nothing. LYN: Right- I’m on the night shift today.

- it’s been so long since he’s done a stream that some talented fans are taking it upon themselves to record songs to get him to come (to the tune of Wujiapo: “My ge, Liu Yuning~ I’ve cried 18 days waiting for you~” LYN: You’re starting to sing, now. Did you think I could watch that and still not stream? I saw that video, I did. So that’s why... I know all the bad things you do. 

C: Have you eaten? LYN: No- Oh. I ate breakfast. I had some tofu pudding and some bread. I’m full now.

C: Ning-ge, you’re wearing eyeliner now? LYN: What do you mean? My eyes are small, and I can’t even wear eyeliner? I need to “find” a good proportion for me eyes. Also, it’s not like I have nothing better to do than to draw some eyeliner and then come here to stream for you. I have filming today- I even came in here in my wig, as you can see. I’m taking a break right now and so I’m still in makeup- you can’t see, because the beauty filter is on a little high, but I even have some some “death” colored eyeshadow. Not only do I have eyeliner, but I ALSO have shadow.

LYN: My throat hurts. :(

C: Ge, what do you have the wig on for? LYN: I’m cosplaying. Later I’m going to get in the car to go attend ComicCon. LYN: What am I doing with the wig on? I have filming to do! // I’m in a drama crew and I have filming to do. I’m not crazy, just spending wearing a wig at home for no reason. I mean, it’s not like I can’t put on some eyeliner and laze around the house- but I’m just not the type of person who would do that.

C: Where’s Daimi? LYN: She was sent to the groomer’s. She’s gotten too dirty.

C: Ning-ge, are you going to stream until nighttime? LYN: That’s too much. It’s about noon now so when it hits late afternoon I’ll probably go take a nap. I’ll nap and then go to work at night. Otherwise I don’t think I would be very alert. Let’s not stream until nightfall.

- was invited to an event but won’t go bc his filming schedule is pretty tight

C: If you take a nap in the afternoon are you not afraid to mess up the wig? LYN: There’s such a thing in this world called a comb. There’s another thing called hair spray/gel. Also a flat iron/hair straightener. If it gets messy all I have to do is comb it...

C: Ning-ge, why are you always on the night shift? LYN: I’m not really, because with filming a drama there’s no such thing as day/night. It just happens that “day” scenes need to be filmed during the day and “night” scenes at night. That’s just how the story develops. I don’t just do night scenes... I do them all. C: How much longer do you have to go? LYN: I think I’m about halfway through. I’m not really clear on how many scenes exactly.

C: When is BYOL airing? LYN: I don’t know. I only had around 200 or so scenes there. It’s not much- I only went to experience what it was like to shoot a modern drama, which was nice. It was my first time doing a modern drama, so I’m happy. It’s an extremely unforgettable experience for me. I really don’t know when it will air, though. With a lot of people nowadays, even though you acted in it, you really don’t have any clue when the drama will air. If I had to make a prediction- because we were chatting about this the other day- BYOL wants to air on tv and online. The thing about having something air on the television is that they need to first discuss with the broadcast company and also make sure that the airing schedule will fit. I’m guessing it would air by next year, though.

C: What about ALZ? LYN: ALZ- someone asks about it every time. I really don’t know when it will air. But if I had to make a guess... /long silence/ Why do I feel like a media/gossip account? C: Have you done the voice acting for it yet? LYN: See, I haven’t even done the voice acting for it. You tell me when you think it will air. So I don’t know when it will air, and you all can stop asking me. I haven’t even done the voice acting yet. LYN: Let’s just sit and wait. For those who like and are anticipating this drama, just know that it will air eventually. It’s already been filmed, after all. The production company’s money has already all gone into it- it’s going to have to air eventually. As viewers, what we have to focus on is our health. Alright? Let’s be healthy and exercise a little every day. Eat on time and sleep on time. Work well, live well. So that we can still be alive to see the day the drama airs. Let’s not worry when that will be, and just live our lives until that time comes. LYN: Of course, I will take this time to wish that whoever is watching my stream right now lives as long as the (Zhong)Nan Mountains. (寿比南山). And I hope the females in my stream right now can be as thin as they want. As thin as the (Zhong)Nan Mountains. (瘦比南山) *[寿(life) and 瘦(thin/skinny) are both pronounced “shòu”]

--- LYN’s All-Black Outfit, Long Legs

C: You went to Chengdu and bought a lot of clothes? LYN: Yes, I went to Chengdu and bought a fair amount of clothing. It’s rare to get out (shopping) so I bought some clothes so that I could wear them during my streams or for some event. But I don’t really have any events right now. I have nothing to do, how sad.

C: Ning-ge, you went to Chengdu and everyone saw your nice long legs~ LYN: They’re not nice and long. It’s just that I’m tall. I’m 189cm- so my legs... even if you call them short, they’re only short to a certain extent. It’s just that I’m tall. People even doubt my height- they think that I am only 178cm or so. I’ve seen comments like that, and I don’t really care. Because 189cm, so why should I care if someone thinks that I am a few to ten cm shorter than I am? It doesn’t matter.

LYN: That video you saw was, when I was leaving the shop I already saw someone brandishing their phone and knew they were trying to record me, so I ducked. With these types of stores usually the men’s clothing is on the second floor- so as I was coming down the stairs I looked towards the doors and saw them getting ready. I’ve seen all sorts of articles- that there are always people around Chengdu and Beijing, ready to record people. I saw them there and I was thinking I didn’t want to get caught. I tried my best not to get caught, because I might not necessarily want to work with this brand in the future. XD For example, if in the future Gucci or LV or Valentino want to collab with me, but then see this photo of me coming out of this particular brand’s shop, would that negatively impact their decision to work with me? I was considering that when I didn’t want anyone to catch me coming out of that store. I didn’t want it to affect my market value. So I saw them, and I thought I would try to avoid them, just a little. It didn’t help at all, but at least the sentiment was there. In the end I still couldn’t avoid it.

C: Ning-ge, your way of thinking is really comprehensive. LYN: I was just joking! How could I be thinking comprehensively? I was just thinking, “Don’t film me.” I just don’t really have a personal life anymore, right now. I have no life. It was rare for me to be able to shop around, and I still got caught on camera. I didn’t want to get caught but... there was just no avoiding it.

LYN: But the thing is inwardly, my thoughts were abundant. I didn’t want to get caught on camera because I was wearing an ugly outfit! /laughs at himself/ If I were wearing something more fashionable I probably wouldn’t have tried to avoid it so much. Well- it’s not that it was ugly. Earlier that morning I had shot another scene in Chengdu- it was the clothes that were arranged for me to attend a funeral. To respect the departed you wear black, right? So I had a black suit jacket, black top, black pants, and black shoes. But after the scene was over I just took the jacket off and went out. At that time I thought I was a little like a fool/moron (精神小伙). If you wore a suit out for a particular occasion, that’d be alright. But who goes out shopping in black top and pants? I felt like a fool... or like someone who just walked out from their job at a hair salon. That’s what I felt, so I didn’t want anyone to catch me on camera. Everyone else gets caught fashionably, but my outfit that day wasn’t very fashion. LYN: Honestly, it was just a black top and pants. But it felt very businesslike. Like some salaryman who would try to sell you insurance or a mobile phone. The outfit was too much like a uniform. But if we want to make it sound nice, we could say I was going for the “All Black” look.

---

C: You looked cool/handsome! LYN: Thank you. // Here’s the thing though, if you’re a fan of someone you’re going to think that your idol looks cool no matter what they do. They’ll be unparalleled, the best, coolest guy, with the best body, right? The most handsome, with fair skin~ Everyone thinks that (of their idol) but the thing is there is a difference in aesthetics in this world. There are people who think I’m ugly, and that’s very normal. But all my fans think I’m handsome. That’s the difference in aesthetics talking, and that’s why you were able to become my fans.

C: I’m not your fan, and I still think you’re handsome! LYN: These words leave me torn between laughing and crying. Laughing because you have acknowledged my visuals. You think I’m handsome. But crying because you’re not my fan- so I hope that one day you can actually become one. Now that you’ve come across me and are here, let’s not miss this opportunity- why don’t you buy 2kg? Like if you’re in the market and you see the potatoes and think, “Hey, these potatoes are pretty handsome”, so you stop to buy 2kg. When you get home, you’re not sure if you’re going to eat them or not, but you can still put them in your fridge.

C: My grandmother says you’re handsome. LYN: Thank you, grandmother. Thank you. I’m sure that when you were young, you were also very pretty. Really. LYN: Friends, it’s like this- there’s a line of reasoning that implies that whatever you lack in yourself in what you highlight in others. I’m sure there’s logic to this. For example, if someone has a lot of money they won’t look down on the people around them for not having any. Do you think the guy who has millions will laugh at a guy who makes thousands and call him poor? He wouldn’t, really. The more someone lacks in themselves is what they will highlight in others. [t/n: this is.. the beauty we see in others is what we lack in ourselves???] LYN: I believe that those who bring others up are wonderful people... and amazing people. LYN: Thank you for complimenting me.

- says that it’s rare for him to stream in the afternoon, so if you were able to catch and are watching his stream now, that means it was fate & to please subscribe to his weibo~ LYN: Today is Sunday, too. If it were Monday or Tuesday I probably wouldn’t have come to stream but Saturday/Sundays are okay. Because everyone is usually working during the weekday but on the weekends most people have the day off. I figured if I streamed at this time, you would have a better chance to catch the stream. C: I can’t even catch the streams at night. LYN: You slept too early. It’s good, though.

LYN: This drama doesn’t really leave me with a lot of time to sleep. I’m not getting enough sleep, but I’m happy because I like it when I am able to be busy. I’m really afraid of not having any work to do. I’m afraid of sitting at home picking at my feet. So I’m very happy to be able to have work to keep me busy, even if that means I will be a little tired. For the current drama, I do have quite a bit more scenes to shoot so... that means I am all the more tired for it. C: But that’s what you like? LYN: Yes! 

--- LYN: This question was a bit like an interview. Like... /puts on a sound effect/:

“MC”: LYN, hello. There is a friend here who asks, “You don’t have time to go play or relax, so is this the type of life you want?” LYN: Ah, what good question. Work is keeping me busy nowadays, and is it the life I wanted? I think the answer is “yes”. This is what I want. Because ever since I was little it’s been my dream to be a celebrity. I debuted when I was almost 30 years old- and all the years I spent before then were spent playing around. I was finally able to debut at thirty. I made it. Wouldn’t you say that this is what I wanted? It must be. It’s wonderful. It’s like I’ve won the lottery. LYN: I’m a very normal person. I grew up in a third-tier city- a small boy from a small city called Liaoning, Dandong. For me to be able to get to where I am today- with so many people who recognize me- and to participate in things I only dreamed of like acting and singing and standing on a stage, is my great honor. I also have so many fans who are always supporting me. All of this is exactly what I wanted, yes. What else is there? LYN: This is like someone who has won 5mil in the lottery, and they spend the money every day. Someone comes up and asks them if having this lavish life is how they wanted to spend the rest of their days. How do you think they would answer? “Is the life you’re living after you’ve won the lottery the life you want?” It must be. I’d like to thank this friend for their question.

“MC”: A friend here is asking, “LYN, have you confirmed your next drama or not?” They seem to care a lot about your career development. Have you confirmed your next drama yet? LYN: This friend really cares about me. Thanks for your concern. Now as to whether I have confirmed my next drama or not- what’s business is it of yours? Don’t ask around! You’ll know when it’s officially announced, won’t you? So don’t ask. C: Ning-ge, if you don’t reply then that means you already have one confirmed. LYN: No. Nothing’s not confirmed yet. If it were, I would have already shared it with you. You all know me- you know how I communicate with my fans, too. If something good has happened to me, there’s no way I can hide it from you. I have to spill the beans. So if I confirm something I would share it with you. Nothing’s confirmed yet. And what I mean by that is- as long as I haven’t signed the contract yet, nothing is set. I’ll wait until the contract is signed. Because before I would share good things with you before I signed the contract and then those jobs ended up falling through. I used to tell you about these things, like I would tell you I would be on a variety show and describe it to you a little, but in the end those jobs fell through. It was a disgrace. Then the fans would come back to me, asking “Didn’t you say you were going to participate in a variety show? What happened to it?” and I tell them it’s not convenient for me to answer. It’s really difficult to answer- because I had already told them that I would be doing a variety show, and around what time I expected to be there but they end up not seeing me. So people start speculating, that LYN was switched out with someone else. That LYN wasn’t good enough, so he was switched out. I don’t want to affect my market value, so I won’t say anything now. I’ll let you know when everything is confirmed.

C: Give your stage-fans some benefits this year. LYN: Wow, there are so many people who like me, but who are all separated into different species, is that it? I have visual-fans, song-fans, stage-fans, walking-fans... As for stage-fans, it’s because I’ve been stuck with the drama crew most of the time. There have been stages that have come to inquire about my availability, but there’s also the fact that it’s a bit complicated to get around these days. It’s difficult to make it back (to Hengdian). I don’t want to push the whole drama schedule because I went out once (and got sick). That’s why I’m trying not to go out if I can help it. Even with branding events, I try to have them done in Hengdian. I’m sure I will do a few stage performances, though. Since it IS the end of the year.

C: What about the New Year? LYN: Of course, I always go to New Year’s events. I know I’m always acting now, but I still don’t have any works to show for it. It’s a point of contention for everyone: “Why Liu Yuning? He doesn’t even have anything to show. Why does he deserve it?” So even though I’m acting, I’m still a singer! It’s not like I’ve left the (music) industry. I have to hold up my profession as a singer, so I will definitely do some stage performances. It happens every year, so when that time comes we’ll spend another new year together. C: Ning-ge, which broadcast stations will you be at? LYN: It’ll be announced later. Why would I reveal it myself. Then I’d lose out on the air of mystery. I already sit here for hours chatting my mouth off that I don’t have any more mystery to me- can’t I keep this one thing a secret?? You’ll find out later. The other way to look at it is, you’ll watch whatever station I end up on, won’t you? It’s not like you’ll find out which stations I will be at and purposely not watch, right? There’s no way. It’s the New Year, what did I do to deserve that? I believe that even if you’re one of my anti-fans- the ones who like to make their own trends and try to start trouble- you’ll be watching me at the New Year. I don’t believe they’ll find out what stations I’ll be at and purposely not watch those channels. I’m sure they’ll watch for me. C: They’re looking for things to hate on you for. LYN: That- They’re just.... What else can there be, on a stage? One- I look ugly. Two - I don’t sing well. I’m not afraid of people finding points of the performance to pick on me for, I’m just afraid that the performance will turn out to be something you have NOTHING to talk about. That means your stage is unmemorable. That’s the most regrettable thing. Even if my hair were ugly- so ugly it knows no bounds, so ugly it “explodes”- then that at least means I can make it into the trending topics. The worst thing is having nothing. LYN: Let’s say for example, on the day-of “Liu Yuning’s In-Ear Suddenly Explodes”- I’m sure that would make it into a trending topic. [t/n: why is he cursing himself like thissss]

C: Are you still going to dance? LYN: How about no. Regarding dancing, I’ve really... given up. I had a dream once of being a singer/dancer- I wanted to be able to do it all. But dancing, really... I don’t need it. If I had this capacity I’d rather spend it working hard on other aspects I could improve on. This is good enough. This is why after all these years I’ve never tried doing any side jobs. Other artists will, but I haven’t because I don’t have the skill. If I were to do it, I��d want to do it to the best of my ability- that’s the basic logic of any profession. So instead of focusing on branching out, I’d rather spend my efforts improving on things I am currently involved in. C: I’m sure “Liu Yuning Dancing” could make it into a trending topic. LYN: My dancing can’t get me trending- who do you think I am? I am very self-aware. You think “Liu Yuning Dancing” can get me a trending topic? There’s no way. No one cares, either. Who cares whether I dance or not? It’s weird. There’s nothing to see. You (my fans) can see it. LYN: If there were something that read “Liu Yuning Jumps into Water on New Year’s Performance” I’m sure people would want to see that. But “Dancing”? Who cares. If I were singing and suddenly jumped into the water- /gurgles into the mic/- if I sang under the water I’m sure people would be interested. That would definitely be worthy of a trending topic. No one cares about dancing, but they care about jumping into water.

- break #1 (to get some water) - [t/n: chat is suddenly talking about mahjong. not sure how they got to the topic, lol.] LYN: My stream can be strict. When I said “pung” and “kong”- if some anti were to get ahold of this and say that I was promoting gambling, what would happen? It’s terrifying. If they wanted to prove my guilt they would just show this clip. So let’s try to be strict with this, and you all can stop playing into it as well. 

- asked him to play the New Life Begins OST - 清晖 (Qing Hui); promotes the drama C: Who’s the male lead? LYN: You’d know if you go to watch the drama. It’s called 卿卿日常 (New Life Begins). You’ll know (who the male lead is) if you go watch. I won’t mention any names; but not because we don’t have a good relationship! Anyway, just watch the drama! Show it your support! That’s the end of that, alright? LYN: But this is- this is the OST that the male lead recommended me for. I’m very thankful to him. A lot of you already know the story- he asked the production if they could contract me to sing the OST, and then it happened. This is a job he essentially gave to me. It’s very nice. I’m thankful. Later I’ll have to... buy him something in return. C: Are you going to gift him shoes? LYN: Not shoes. I told you last time- I heard he likes shoes, so I’d give him some tools he can clean his shoes with. 授人以鱼不如授人以渔. (Giving a man a fish is not as good as teaching the man to fish.) You know that foaming cleanser and the brush- it’s very convenient. One use and the shoes will be white as new. Maybe some electric shoe scrubs- to get them nice and clean. There’s that saying: Gifting a man shoes is not as good as gifting a shoe brush. There’s an old saying like that. C: Who said it? LYN: ... Zhang Fei did. (military general who served under the warlord Liu Bei during late Eastern Han and early Three Kingdoms period in China)

- the in-ear is hurting him (sore), so he’s changing out to his earbuds. LYN: This is more comfortable. There’s not as much pressure on the ears.

C: I watch your streams while eating. LYN: Watching my streams helps you eat well? Your ability to eat well means that you CAN eat- what does that have to do with my stream?? What does your food intake have to do with me? Later, when you get fat, you’ll end up blaming me for it. “His streams made me eat so much!” Don’t put this on me, ok? LYN: But I guess this is an acknowledgement of me. It’s like saying that my stream is worth a meal. They could have gotten some take-out or are eating at home, but my stream counts as a dish, too. Even if it’s a small salted dish. Because of my stream, it’s enhanced the flavor of their meal. Is that it? On the other hand, if you watch my stream and STOP eating, that would be strange. Is LYN so disgusting you no longer have an appetite? That would be strange. So saying that I pair well with a meal is also a type of affirmation. C: Because you are my “dish (type)”~ LYN: This joke is so old, too old! It’s from five years ago, and you’re still using it?? 

C: Will you come to Macao for the New Year? LYN: If I said “yes” then you’d already know which stage performance I’m planning to be at. If I say “no” then you’d know that I am not attending that event. I can’t say. //  Because Jiangsu Satellite TV’s concert is always held in Macao. C: Will you go home? LYN: Probably not, but it’s hard to say. There’s always a lot to do at the end of the year. It’s highly likely that I will continue to work through it. We’ll see.

C: Your voice is so nice. LYN: ~Is it? You really think so? Ha Ha~ LYN: ~Honestly, my voice is just average. If you say it’s good, it’s not.If you say that’s it’s bad, you’re not entirely wrong either.~ - /a dorky laugh/

- someone’s roommate called him creepy(??) LYN: What sort of crappy roommate do you have?? What a strange roommate.

“MC”: Someone is asking, “Ning-ge, you just said you’d have stage performances at the end of the year. Is that true?” LYN: What nonsense. I have so much to do at the end of the year. Other than the New Year’s appearances there’s also Spring Night and other galas/events. Those are all stage shows, aren’t they? But I need to tell you- as long as you have a dream, anywhere’s a stage. There must be. My streaming room is also my stage. As long as I have talent, you’ll come. 

C: That sound effect earlier... LYN: What’s wrong with it? Is it weird? Friends, welcome to Masked Singer. When this effect is on it gives off the feeling from that show, doesn’t it? - /playing with the effect/ LYN: I can actually make myself a woman. Not “make” but change the sound so that it sounds like a female’s. How about this- today I sing a female’s song for you. I sang one many years ago- I’ll sing it for you again today. // I’ll find one that’s a male-female duet, and show off the voice changing function. Recommend me some songs, that are male-female duets. It’s better if they’re old songs, because I don’t really know the new ones. C: No Extravagance (Legend of Fei OST) LYN: Let’s not ruin my own song. LYN: How about  知心爱人? I remember that a lot of people were saying their grandmothers and mothers were watching my stream, so I’ll sing an older song. --  知心爱人 - /tries to adjust the voice levels, but his whole microphone cuts out instead/

LYN: H- Hello? Oh. I think the software broke. It scared me to death. It’s so rare that I stream in the afternoon and it was almost BBQ’d. Let’s try again. -- 知心爱人 (take 2) LYN: I don’t think this voice sounded like a woman but more like Minnie Mouse. Have you ever been to the Disney resort? Do you know that sound in the elevator? Every time I go there the voice in the elevator scares me. // I’m sure those of you who’ve been know what I’m talking about. LYN: Anyway, I’ve shown my hand. What you’ve just seen is a preview of what will happen at the New Year’s event I’ll be attending. I’ve spoiled it, but of course I won’t be singing this particular song. I’ll sing a different duet- with myself. No one has ever tried doing this during a New Year’s event, so I’ll be the first. I think it would be worth a trending topic. C: Stop tricking us! LYN: I don’t think there would be any broadcast station that would let me do it. I was just making a joke. I’ve already told you- just listen to the contents of my stream for entertainment. During this period of time you can choose to believe on 20% of what I say. The rest is a fart in the wind. Don’t take it seriously. C: 0% (Believe nothing) LYN: Not that low.

C: Ning-ge, can you change up your style? LYN: /sigh/ What type of style do you want? It’s actually pretty simple. I can make it so that my normal streaming style is like that of a late night radio, if you want. But I don’t think you’ll like it. Let me find some music that fits the mood, first. LYN: ~Welcome everyone, to my stream. Welcome. Today, the weather is cold. I don’t know if the temperature has dropped, where you are? When I woke up this morning, I felt distinctly cold... so I put on my thermals. Ever since I was small my family had always told me that you can’t wear just thermals, you also have to wear socks. I’ve always taken good care of my legs, because my grandmother told me I had to protect them. If you don’t keep them warm, when you get old they will hurt and will bend. So ever since I was small, I’ve liked wearing very thick socks. I wore thermals and thick cotton pants. When everyone else was still wearing shorts I already had my thermal; and when they started wearing thermals I was already wearing my cotton pants on top. And when people started wearing their cotton pants, I would have already added woolen pants. So I hope that everyone here can be like me, and have a warm winter. LYN: What do you think? Aren’t these small eyes so magnetic~? I don’t have any sort of image, as long as it’s not setting me back. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, but I think that using my dialect and making the content funny lets you watch the stream in a more relaxed state. I also think about being cool, ~and I CAN be cool~ /laughs at himself/ That needs to be paired with music. If I want to be cool, I can: ~You ARE my DeSTinY~~~ /cheesing it up for the camera/ LYN: That’s enough of that.

C: Small eyes. LYN: What nonsense?! Who has small eyes??? Let me tell you- I have no other weaknesses. You can tell me I’m ugly and I can accept that, as long as you don’t go into detail. But as soon as someone says my eyes are small- the truth is laid out in front of my eyes, so I have no other choice but to be hurt by it. Who has small eyes?! I’m gonna tear this room apart. If you keep saying my eyes are small I’m going to get double-eyelid surgery as soon as this drama finishes up! I’ll make it start right under my eyebrows! If I open my eyes, all you’ll see is the double eyelid! LYN: I think someone else has described this perfectly. They said that my eyes are the same width as my eyebrows. I looked into the mirror, and that is exactly the case. What they said was the truth, and it’s like they even measured it.  LYN: Let me tell you- in this industry, there’s no lack of handsome men. Really. There are too many. But they lack uniqueness. Ey~ The thing that’s unique about me is that my eyes are small.  C: I like the small-eyed ones. LYN: See? Everyone has their own sense of beauty. If you like small eyes, come to me. If you like big eyes, you can go to ZSX.

C: Ning-ge, your beard grows so fast. LYN: Yes, it does grow quite quickly. I get up in the morning, wash my face and shave, then get into hair and makeup and jump into filming. Around the afternoon my beard’s already grown out. But I don’t really want to shave it on scene, because that would mean I have to remove the makeup. So one day... FYL sent me an instrument for freezing hair removal. I’ve been at home lately and I really want to try it out- I want to remove the beard. But I read the instructions and it seems a bit difficult to use. I don’t know how it works and I don’t dare to try! I guess one day if there’s a chance I can invite him to my house so he can do it for me. He sent me the instrument but I don’t know how it works. I’m afraid if I try something (and do it incorrectly) I’ll break my face. I’ll have him come over sometime. C: He’s not using it anymore? LYN: No, he bought two and gifted me with one of them. He’s a good kid. C: Don’t remove it- it will harm your skin. LYN: I already thought about that and with all the layers of makeup they put on me for filming, my skin’s already very harmed. They use alcohol adhesive to glue the wig on and sometimes I have a red ring here when it comes off that hurts. Some parts are so red and irritated it’s leaving lasting effects. So if it will harm my skin by laser removing the hair, then that ship has already left the port. C: Ning-ge, your pores will get bigger. LYN: What are you talking about? That’s really strange. Have you forgotten that I have a makeup spokesman-ship? Have you forgotten I have that collab? I don’t have pores or any skin problems. I’m VERY healthy. You can say I’m ugly, but you can’t hurt the brands I am working with. C: Ning-ge, what if you remove your beard and it never grows back? LYN: Is a beard something you NEED in life? If I don’t grow one... then I just won’t have one. Also, do you think that if I use that thing I will never grow hair again? There’s no way. It’ll only lessen the hairs, it’s not like it’ll be removing the follicles. I think this instrument will definitely thin the hairs- so that they are not as prominent- but it’s not going to destroy the roots. What do I need a beard for, anyway? Am I going to be a Daoist master, who needs a long beard? I don’t need it. If I need a beard for filming... it’ll grow out eventually.

C: Liu-ge, you’re filming? LYN: You called me “Liu-ge” so you must not be my fan. You’re asking me if I’ve been filming recently? No. I have this wig on because I’ll be attending ComicCon in a bit. I’m cosplaying... as BCF. When the time comes I’ll change into the costume and go. People will go take photos of me. I’m not filming- I’ve been sitting around at home, doing nothing. C: I like calling you “Liu-ge”! LYN: You can, I was just kidding. “Liu-ge”, “Ning-ge”, “Liu Yuning”- all is fine.

C: Are you going to sing a new song for the new year? LYN: No, I won’t. I was planning on releasing my second album this year, in 2022- but I haven’t finished the songs. I was thinking I would release the album when I’ve got 10 songs ready, but I’ve only finished a small portion. Last year I sang a new song, so I wanted to sing a new song for this year as well... but I thought about it and that didn’t work out so well for me. If we follow this logic, it’ll take me ten years to release my whole second album. Over the course of 10 New Year’s, I’ll sing a single new song from my album. That’s not worth it. So this year I won’t sing a new song, and probably sing something everyone is more familiar. Maybe it will be better this way, and people will actually watch my performance. - /starts humming Wujiapo/ C: New Year’s Song. LYN: I have a song called “New Year’s Song”, did you know? Those of you who are my fans probably know it. When it gets around the new year, all the supermarkets will start playing this song. You’ve probably even heard it, but just don’t know that it’s mine. I released this song because at the time I was working with Richie Ren, my Qi-ge, and he asked me if I had ever thought of releasing a holiday/seasonal song. And then it occurred to me that I should; and that’s right, because he has a lot of songs that can be played during the holidays and can be played for years to come. He suggested I should release a song in relation to the New Year, so I found the producer I work with often, Yu Tian. A lot of the songs on my album are his. I contacted his and asked to write me a New Year’s Song. It’s been two years since then. This year I’m planning to release another. A 2.0 version. You can listen to it during the New Year. C: The song title can be “New Year’s Second Song”. LYN: Sure, let’s call it that. The first is called “New Year’s Song” (过年的歌) and this one will be... “New Year’s Second Song” (过年第二首歌) is a little long. You have to consider whether people will be willing to search for this name or not. Let’s call it... “The Song You’re Still Listening to on New Year”- how’s that? Or- this song is called “New Year’s Song” (过年的歌), so the next one can be “The Song You Listen to on New Year’s” (过年听的歌), the third year I’ll release one called “The Song You Still Listen to on New Year’s” (过年还要听的歌). It is just that random. Whatever I think of, will become the name of the song. LYN: It’ll be called “The Song You Listen to on New Year’s” (过年听的歌). It’s currently being written, so when I finish recording it, I’ll release it for the New Year.

C: Chat about Givenchy! LYN: Givenchy... do you need me to introduce the products to you? I’ll need to show you how to use it? I’m sure you all know much better than I do how to use the lipstick, powder, and foundation. You can use them better than I can.

- /calls himself a well-versed salesperson, recommending you some products/

C: When will you finish streaming? LYN: Have you seen enough already? If you’ve seen enough, just tell it to me straight. You don’t need to push me.

C: Expensive-brother, Xiao Liu. LYN: This used to be my job- I used to be a shopper and a salesperson. When someone walked into the shop, I would recommend clothing and give my opinion. Someone would come in and ask to try something on, so I’d get it for them and when they wore it I would say, “Jie, you look so pretty in that. It’s so nice and makes you look slim. Also, you can look in the mirror. Go ahead, look. Doesn’t it make your complexion look so nice? Right? Oily and black**. (a joke) This type of article makes you look healthy, but there are other colors that can make you seem paler. You can take a look.” That was my job, and I was professional. It took so much for me to get into the entertainment circle and become an artist... and I’ve started to sell things again (by being brand spokesperson/ambassador). XD C: Ning-ge, if you really said that, would you get hit? LYN: How- How could I call someone dark**? There are techniques to selling clothing- well, not techniques- but you have to consider who you’re talking to and respect every individual. If someone comes into the shop and tries on some clothes, of course you’re going to compliment her. What else can you say? “It doesn’t look good. Take it off.”?? She tries it on and you say, “No, you’re ruining it. Take it off. Don’t impact our brand’s image.” There’s no way you’re going to say that, so of course you are going to compliment them. /laughs at the image/ You’re a salesperson and a girl comes in to try on some clothes. You say, “No, this wont do. Look at this. You’re already so dark and with these clothes you look darker.” “Look at your waist. This clothing was slimming, but with it on you’ve made a pool floaty out of it. Take it off. Don’t damage our brand’s image. My goodness.” I’m sure the shop owner would not beat this employee to death but also not stay in business for long. So you have to give compliments, and there are so many topics your can highlight. The first is: “You look thin.” Secondly, “You have a good color/complexion.”- but it depends on the situation. If they wear something and it makes them look dark, you have to say that it makes them look flushed and young. If they wear it and they look ruddy and red, you have to say it makes them look paler. Pale, thin, and a good figure. The fourth compliment you can give is telling them that only their stature/aura can pull it off. I’m sure these points can convince them into a purchase. Then, if they really do not look good in the clothes at all, but you can tell that they WANT to buy it, you can say, “Jie, maybe your makeup today doesn’t match. I think your lipstick color doesn’t suit this clothing. If you really like it, you can buy it home first. Change up your makeup and if you really don’t like it, then you can come return it or I can exchange it for you.” It doesn’t matter if she comes back later to return it, as long as you have record of the initial sale, you can continue to survive in the shop. Sales are the only thing that matters. C: What happens if she’s not wearing makeup? LYN: “Jie, this is- are you not wearing makeup today?” She replies that she’s not. “No makeup but you still look this pretty? Your skin is so good. Oh my goodness. In that case, you should buy this clothes home, and then when you go out you can apply some makeup and it will look even better.” LYN: If you have a good head on your shoulders or if you like learning, then you can survive in any industry. You have to take the time to do you research and consider all the factors. You have to think about it. Sales/Marketing is the hardest profession, in my opinion. Because you have to face people directly, and people come in all sorts. You never know who you’re going to face. C: You can talk the dead back to life. LYN: No, that’s unlikely. I’m just talking about the basic techniques, for the sales of smaller commercial items, like clothes, shoes, etc. Cheaper things like that. It doesn’t require a lot of skill. But if you’re selling houses- those people are impressive. 

C: Ning-ge, I only want to know what your next drama will be. LYN: What do you care, are you going to invest? Do you think I’m going to be a dark horse in the future, and you want to invest in me? Bet? Why are you asking me about my next drama- when it’s decided I’ll tell you all about it. LYN: I’ve told you about those accounts, haven’t I? Even if they mention me, like “OOO drama, LYN is cast”- I’m sure you’ve seen the posts. Regarding these things, from my perspective, it’s an acknowledgement. To a degree. That’s the only thing I can say. Because if someone mentions me and no one cares, then why would they even bother? Even if they’re mentioning me because they have NO faith in me, and they’re only doing it to gain attention because I have a lot of antis and they want the action it can bring, it’s still an acknowledgement. This way is also a viable method (of gaining attention). But the fact that they’ve mentioned me means that they’re taking me seriously in this industry, and I can continue to survive. At the very least I’m considered at all. LYN: On the other hand, I hope that it’s the case that I actually AM confirmed for the project and you don’t look highly on me, so you curse at me. But I haven’t even been confirmed yet- or it has nothing to do with me, even- and you’ve ALREADY started cursing at me. Now, that’s strange. Someone just said it offhandedly, “It’s possible that...”- and people are already cursing at me for the POSSIBILITY. If it turns out to be true, then I’ll get another round. I don’t mind being cursed at for something I am confirmed for, because I came to work and I got paid for it. But why are you cursing at me for something I haven’t even done?!? I see these things and it’s really strange. I look into the articles and see everyone cursing at me and I’m confused and angry. Why are they yelling at me? They have the right to do it if it were true, but it’s not, so why?? I really don’t mind if you curse at me for something I’ve done- but I’d appreciate that you don’t preemptively curse at me for something I haven’t even done yet. Thank you, everyone. C: They’re trying to piggyback off your popularity. LYN: What popularity?? I don’t have any. In any case, the system is... mysterious.

LYN: This industry, honestly- because I wasn’t recruited or trained by a traditional company- I didn’t go the long route. My method of debut is quite unusual- and all my fans and everyone who knows me even just a little all know. That’s why the things I say and do is quite unlike everyone else. Who else is going to come here and put on a stream, just to chat about everything and nothing for four hours? Also- the fact that I was doing alright as a singer, but decided to jump into acting. I don’t- or rarely- contract business proposals. Magazines- up until this day, I still haven’t done photoshoots. There’s no other artist out there who plays it like I do. I just like being different from everyone else. I’m a mysterious existence (in the entertainment industry). I don’t want to be the same. I’m not trying to say the “traditional” method is bad- I just don’t want to be like everyone else. I think it’s funner this way.

C: You can do some magazines... LYN: I don’t really want to- Well, first, the main thing is, I don’t have time. That’s the MAIN thing. /winks/ But if there were some dramas that I need to promote by doing some photoshoots, then I will do those. But normally I wouldn’t go... I just don’t have time. [t/n: Yeah, Ning-ge, blame it on the TIME. Anyway, he hates doing photoshoots and this is why literally the only magazine shoot out right now is the one he did for the Long Ballad. Heroes sort of counts, but not really because it was self-funded and he did it to play around with ZSX and YCY.

LYN: Friends, you already know what’s happening, right? Do you know what’s happening right now? Friends. Oh my goodness. Its the middle of the afternoon and my neighbors are fighting. At night it’s alright, but it’s the afternoon and they’re waging war. Wait for me a sec- they’re over here yelling. I’m going to go take a look. Wait for me, don’t leave. I’m going to go look- I can’t leave them like this. -- break #2

🤓🤓🤓

C: This érhuà pronunciation (rhotacization)... LYN: What? What’s wrong with it? I think it’s because us people from the North like to use it. - /gives an example with “这屋里什么味” (What smell is in this room?), and says it feels weird to say it without the érhuà/ LYN: I have a couple of colleagues from the crew- one of the friends is from the South. People from the South can’t really say the érhuà. I don’t know if any of you here are from southern regions?

- /shakes his hands, because he forgot to earlier (to prove he washed his hands after using the restroom)/ LYN: Sorry, I forgot. It’s been too long since I streamed last.

LYN: But- I don’t know if any one here is from the South, and they can’t say the érhuà? One of the lines in the script was “真是邪了门了!” (xie le me(n)’r le // it’s really evil!) But he’s from the South, and can’t really say the érhuà sound. His Standard Mandarin is very good- but even he thinks that his érhuà comes out sounding uncomfortable. /demonstrates how the colleague says the line: (xie le men er le)/ No matter how he said it, he felt uncomfortable, so we were discussing on how to change the line. I asked him what he’d change it to, and he said “真是见了鬼了!” (jian le gui le // met a ghost/damning) That works, too! 真是邪了门了! --> 真是见了鬼了!

C: My roommate tried it. LYN: Have them try another. In the Northeast we like to say that we’re “哥门” (ge’r me(n)’r //buddies). Try it. Can you say it? He and I are good “ge er men er”. XD This is my “哥门” and she is my “姐门”. You can’t pronounce it, huh? The érhuà is used a lot in the North, I think most everyone from there can say it. - /Another example: Northeast uses “胡同” (hutong’r / hu tong er (for those who can’t say it)) for alley, other places may use “巷子” (xiangzi)/

C: Liu Yuning’r. LYN: You can add it to the end of my name? Are you trying to take advantage of me?? Who adds the -er to the end of my name??! “Liu Yuning-er”. Are you taking advantage of me?? You dare call me “son (儿)”??

LYN: You all can’t say it? I don’t believe you. /goes back to the example earlier, with the smelly room; boils down to: 味+儿 vs 味道/ Oh, I’m sorry. It turns out it was a me problem. But I don’t believe that you don’t use this sound at all? Let me try to think of a word with the rhotacization that you HAVE to say, and that Northerners say as well. Do you use the expression “哥门”? You don’t use it? If you don’t call them your “哥门”, what do you say? Do you just say, “This person is my “gē mén”?” Is it said like that? C: We don’t use it, we say “兄弟 (xiōng dì)”. LYN: Ah, you’ve replaced it with another word.

LYN: Then, what if you want to eat a “冰棍 (bīng gùn” (popsicle; lit: ice rod)? /tries it out without the érhuà and laughs/ What happens? How are you supposed to say it?? “Boss, give me a “bīng gùn”- they’re gonna get a rod out and beat you. C: 冰棒 (bīng bàng) [popsicle]// 雪糕 (xuě gāo)/ 冰淇淋 (bīng qí lín) [ice cream] LYN: Oh. You don’t call it a “bīng gùn”. I know xuě gāo- it’s like the texture of the ice cream, but the shape of a popsicle. So what about the ones that are water based and frozen into a solid? Do you call it a 雪条 (xuě tiáo) [snow bar/strip]? // If you can’t say it, then you won’t buy it, is that it? You just won’t eat. Is it called a 棒冰 (bàng bīng)? LYN: Over here, we call a 冰棒 (bīng bàng) the type that’s a plastic tube that’s filled with liquid, frozen into a stick- and we break it in half and can eat from both sides. // It really is the case where if you can’t say the érhuà, you use a different word entirely! C: Just don’t call it by name. LYN: “Boss, I want this one.” Boss: “What’s it called?” and you can’t pronounce it, so you say “This one. I just want THIS one.” - /discovers people can’t say “根” with the érhuà either; tries it without./

LYN: Alright, let’s not talk about this anymore. - /continues to talk about it, this time with the word: 小孩 (xiǎo hái) [child], and learns a bunch of alternatives you can use to call said child./ -- 亲爱的小孩 (Dear Child) by Andy Lau LYN: I doesn’t seem like I can use it when I’m singing, though.

C: Ning-ge, you don’t look as bloated as you did this morning. LYN: I’ve already been streaming for a while. I’ve sweated and drunk water, so it should have lessened. I just woke a little early today. 

- /saw a passing comment/ LYN: What is “依兰爱情故事 (Ylang Ylang Love Story)”? Let me see if I’ve heard this song before. /plays it/ Oh, this is ENTIRELY using the érhuà! :D I think this song is suitable for Southerners to practice using the érhuà with. If you have this song down, then you won’t have any trouble with it. It’ll be nothing. A piece of cake. Let’s experience this song together. Let me see if I can sing it for you. -- 依兰爱情故事 (Ylang Ylang Love Story) LYN: This song is definitely worth practicing. - /fools around with the word 人 (rén) + and - the rhotacization/ LYN: Okay, forget it. Let’s not discuss this anymore. I only discovered this the other day, it’s been so many years and I only just realized. Because many of the crew for YNGS are from the South. I didn’t know they couldn’t say the érhuà. That was a piece of cold knowledge to me. That was the first I knew of it.

C: Ning-ge, I’m from Beijing’r! (北京儿人) LYN: Beijing... I don’t think you need to add the rhotacization there, do you? Even if you did, it would be after the 人 and not 北京! It’s supposed to be 北京人儿, not 北京儿人. You can’t just stick it in wherever! - /explaining how actually, you don’t stick the rhotic after 人 either, rather you change the pronunciation of the whole word./

C: Ning-ge, can you make the retroflex sound? (zh, ch, sh) LYN: Isn’t the word itself (翘舌 qiào shé) a retroflex? In the Dandong dialect we don’t differentiate between s- and sh-. /demonstrates with the word for snake (蛇 shé) C: Ning-ge, can you roll your tongue (roll your ‘r’s)? LYN: No. C: Ning-ge, do you differentiate between n/l? LYN: The problem is that Northeastern dialect is that we don’t differentiate the retroflex and we use a lot of rhotacization. Another thing is, our use manipulation of tones is pretty strange. They were grilling me about a word the other day: 休息 (xiū xí) [rest]. Usually it’s “xi” with the first tone, but we say it with the third tone. We change the tone a lot of the time. It’ll be first tone but we’ll change it to two, but most often use third tone. - /says he feels like it gives him more of a sense of authority/

LYN: Friends, we’re taking an online class here. Now we’re learning linguistics.

C: If a foreigner were listening to this they’d be confused. LYN: I’m sure they would be!

🤓🤓🤓

C: When will Zi Chuan air? LYN: I don’t know. It’s possible that it will air at the end of this year. Everything’s been finished for a while now. I think it’s possible it can air at the end of the year. Around December. But I don’t really have a lot of scenes in it. There were 48 episodes (for two seasons/parts) and I only have around 200 scenes. LYN: I was pretty ugly at the time. I looked worse because I was more puffy, and not as thin as I am now. Let me tell you, when you’re on camera, you really have to be thin. It’s not about being healthy or not, but once you’re on camera if you’re just a little bit on the chubby side, you’ll look bad. Of course, there’s some aspects of the ugliness that had nothing to do with my weight- that’s just natural. But if you are thinner then it really does looks a little better on camera.

C: ALZ? LYN: I already said through multiple streams that I haven’t even done the voice acting for it yet. Based on this information alone, you can infer that the drama won’t be airing anytime soon.

C: You look handsome! LYN: You’re all just looking at the reuters/spoilers online, right? Those are definitely edited. They’ve been edited to make me look better, let’s all admit it. If they didn’t I’m sure you’d all find me ugly. LYN: Speaking of which, there have been a lot of leaks for my current drama YNGS. I saw a few of you getting agitated, too, asking me if there was any way the crew could control people because there’s TOO MUCH content being leaked every day. “I’ve never seen a drama that’s been leaked so much!” Actually, it’s not that much, it’s just that you’re not paying attention to the other dramas. I have some friends whose dramas have been leaked FAR WORSE than mine has. The key to whether there are a lot of leaks or not really depends on the filming location/environment. If they’re shooting inside a tent, you’re going to see less because the location is closed off. You don’t see very many leaks of xianxia dramas because they’re mostly all filmed inside a tent. If you’re not filming in a closed location, then of course you will have a lot of leaks. There’s space in all directions with no way to control people. It’s not like there’s a wall or a screen. There’s really nothing you can do about it. There’s no avoiding it. We’re ALREADY hiding in the mountains. So you want someone to scour the mountain with a dog, searching for people recording? There’s no way that can happen, and there’s no avoiding it. There’s really no way to control the online spoilers.

C: Ning-ge, did it hurt when you fell into the water? LYN: Ah, the hot topic from BYOL? Did it hurt when I fell into the water (fountain)? I saw a lot of leaks of that, too. Did it hurt? YEAH IT DID. My knee still hurts. It wasn’t a serious pain though. I went back for the wrap party- I try to attend the wrap party of every drama I’ve participated in, because after spending 2-4 months with a group of people, you’re going to develop a connection. I originally went back to attend the wrap party. Our scriptwriter heard the news and asked, “Xiao Ning, you’re really coming back?” I said yes, and she said, “Great! Let me write you a few more scenes.” I.. that’s not... necessary? I only wanted to go back to attend the wrap party, but she said, “It’s alright! Don’t worry. I’ll write them for you. You’re not doing anything when you come back, anyway. You can shoot a couple more scenes and we can pad the story a little. It’ll be great.” She’s great, and we have a good relationship, so I said, “Ok, write it then.” And she let me fall into the water. It was supposed to be for comedic relief. Usually- like when doing guzhuang dramas- I would wear protective guards. For fight scenes we’d wear arm and leg guards. But for a modern drama, that’s very difficult. Because my jeans were too skinny. There was no way to fit any guards in there. So I thought, “Okay, I’ll fall.” It looks like a heavy fall but it really wasn’t too bad. My right knee did get a little hurt, though. C: The door fell again. LYN: The door fell into the water? LYN: I thought it wouldn’t hurt but who would have thought? 真是见了鬼了. (How damning.) LYN: I saw those videos, because there were a lot of people around filming, and they all ended up online. There were a lot of my friends on scene watching me act. I heard one of them cry after I fell. In the video, right after my fall she cried. She played a 心疼giegie (feel sorry for gege) on me. Well- she didn’t cry- but it sounded like, you know, she was worried for me. She thought that I would break. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, because she’s my friend. I’m sure that if one of your friends tripped and fell you’d be laughing. So you’re not a good person, either. But if you see your friend fall and are unable to go help them up, you’re probably going to feel bad and sorry for them. 心疼giegie. LYN: Anyway, it was in that recording and the others around her which were also recording, so the sound made it into a few different videos. There’s a space for comments when it was put up online some said, “You can hear the fans crying.” The passersby were very nice, and I think any normal person’s reaction would be to go “Wow! Someone just fell.” Or if it looked very funny, they might laugh but then show some concern since it looked like a bad fall. Even if they laughed it wouldn’t be from a place of ill-intent. But I always see comments that read like this, “If I could to make 1mil in a day, I’d go fall too. What’s there to feel sorry about?” I always see comments like this, under my videos or under anyone else’s. I don’t NEED you to feel sorry for me, but I also don’t think there’s any need (to make such comments). I don’t know if you’ve seen these types? It could be an artist or a singer who’s gotten hurt, and even if the person themselves say that they’re alright- they’re already being brave about it- they don’t consider it a big deal. People will say, “Oh, they got hurt” and there will always be the comments that say, “They make so much money, what do they have to be afraid of a small injury for? If I made that much money, I’d be willing to get hurt too. You can take my arm.” There are always these types of comments. LYN: I don’t think there’s any need. If you- if you think that you want to do this type of work, then come do it. If you want the opportunity to suffer an injury for what you think we make in a day, then come. Don’t just run your mouth, come on. You can work hard for the day you are the person in the video, and not the one just sitting around making baseless comments. I am just a very normal person who made my start by busking street in order to make it to where I am today. I know from experience what you’re trying to say. If you also want to live this type of life then you can keep working hard instead of running your mouth. LYN: I hope that people on the internet can be kinder, because you never know what words of yours can hurt someone else. I’m not saying that you’re harming anyone, but I don’t want you to harm anyone INTENTIONALLY. You have to be a good person.

C: Ning-ge, do you play games? LYN: I said that I used to play games during breaks on set, but this drama really doesn’t give you any time to play AT ALL. None. Not a single bit. So I can’t play. 

🐴🐴🐴

C: You look so handsome riding a horse now. LYN: Oh, I don’t deserve the praise. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “打死犟嘴的淹死会水的” (the stubborn will be beaten to death and swimmers will be drowned) That’s what my family always told me when I was little. What does it mean? It’s an old Northeastern saying, I guess. Usually children like to be stubborn, so they will be hit. If you’re not stubborn and quickly apologize for your wrongdoings, then you won’t be hit. And as for the second half, it means that the more you think that you can swim, the more likely you are to drown. For someone like me who can’t swim, if I see water I’ll stay far away from it, so I am less likely to encounter this danger. People who can’t swim normally won’t go near the water, unless they were thrown in- which is a different case entirely. That would be illegal. That’s not good. Riding a horse is the same. I don’t dare to say that I CAN ride because I’ve met too many people who said that they could, but have fallen off a horse.  LYN: In my last drama- I forget which it was- but someone was bragging about their horse-riding, and how they’ve shot so many scenes over the years and then? As soon as the shoot started they fell from the horse. I think this really gave me a wake up call. The first scene I ever shot for the Long Ballad I was kicked by the horse, too. Ever since then I have had a reverence for horses, and I don’t consider that a bad thing. Whenever I see a horse I feel a sense of awe. I need to respect them and love them, and consider them my friend. After I ride the horse I will always pat it and tell it “Thank You.” - /the first thing he does when he gets to set and has a horse scene that day is to give the horse a carrot or two. And now that the horse has eaten his offering, it owes it to him to be nice. XD/ C: Don’t pat it on the butt, though. LYN: Of course not. LYN: And, every time after I finish riding the horse I will always tell it “thank you”. I don’t know if it can understand, but at least it can feel my respect for it. C: Ning-ge, you’re good at “拍马屁”! [colloquially: to kiss up to someone; literally: patting a horse’s buttocks] LYN: Do I have a death wish? Have you ever heard the saying “an old horse’s buttocks are untouchable”? What you lack in life are these so called “old sayings” like this. C: Ning-ge, it’s supposed to be “tiger”. LYN: They’re all animals and you shouldn’t be touching any of their butts, whether that’s tiger, horse, goat, or cow. You can’t touch any of them. We switch out the animal depending on the situation. C: You can touch Daimi’s! C: Ning-ge, what about yours? LYN: 

LYN: If you can’t watch properly, get out. If you can’t continue watching and you find this stream uncomfortable, you can leave. Why do I feel like you’re trying to provoke me. I’m bringing you happiness, and you’re trying to provoke me?? AND you want to touch my butt???  LYN: Then, I will gift you with a saying, “Lao Liu’s butt is untouchable!” LYN: Friends, I’ve been cyber-bullied. I get the feeling those words were said just to cyber-bully me. LYN: So, I can ride a horse now. I saw that there were some pictures of me circulating online and I looked pretty cool. I can ride, but if you ask if I can ride at a gallop- if remember someone in the last stream asked such a question- well, it depends on how long. I think one minute would be okay, but I don’t think I can handle one hour. It depends on the horse, too. Horses are just like our automobiles nowadays- they all have their speed limits. - /gives some examples to the effect of: the car CAN go 100mph, but is it safe? No. So you drive at a safer speed of 30-40mph. It’s the same with horses./ LYN: My first guzhuang drama, the horse that kicked me on first meeting- it’s name was Little Nezha. I’ve remembered it. The horse I’m riding now is called, “One-Two-Three”. Yes, it’s just that random. A lot of the horses have names, and I’ve asked before. Because dogs definitely recognize their name when we call them and your cats do, too. But horses- at least the ones in Hengdian- don’t know their own names. After they’re bought, they’re already mature horses- it’s not like we are raising them from young, in which case they would know their own names. These horses are already mature, so basically you’re just giving them a label. We’re giving them artist names. My horse is called One-Two-Three.

LYN: ! I’ve fond some of you seem to have issues. I don’t like it when you play these jokes with me. Someone just commented that the reason I can’t ride a horse is because I have... “that”. I don’t have it! Don’t go around making rumors, saying useless stuff.  [t/n: I also want to know what “that” is... ]

LYN: I can ride a horse just fine, normally. But if you want me to fly, I can’t do it.

C: Is One-Two-Three aggressive? LYN: It’s not- actually it’s pretty timid, but those are the hardest to ride, I think. Sometimes with guzhuang dramas you need to ride in the rain- as soon as the artificial sprinklers turn on the horse will get scared and can’t be controlled, which makes it hard to shoot the scene. I think aggressive horses... they’re probably ok? I haven’t met any- most of mine are the timid ones. They’re more sensitive, so I guess that’s where the expression “马惊了!” (the horse is startled) came from. LYN: Nezha wasn’t aggressive, it was just too timid and hyper-vigilant. It felt danger when people approached, so it tried to make me get away from it. I told you- it kicked me because it wasn’t quite right in the head. It has some psychosis which couldn’t be cured, because it’s difficult to treat a horse. It usually shoots the action scenes, where it has to fall. It’s just fallen too many times that it’s created a trauma for the horse. It’s sad. I wanted to understand it, so I learned about its story, but after I did it just confirmed the fact that “可恨之马必有可怜之处” (a hateful horse must have sad beginnings). C: Give it extra carrots! LYN: I’ve never met it again. And I don’t want to meet it again. This horse and I are maintaining a “to each his own” relationship. I hope one day it gets its big break.

C: Have you ever met a horse get startled? LYN: I haven’t. But my last drama was also a guzhuang and there was a scene where the horse pulls a carriage and the horse got startled and started running. I wasn’t filming that day so I wasn’t on scene- it wasn’t my carriage. But it ended up taking the side mirrors off one of our crew’s new cars. The horse was pulling a carriage, right? So the horse ran past just fine, but the carriage didn’t make it.  LYN: There was another scene in my last drama, but I wasn’t in the carriage. I was riding in front, and the carriage in the back. The horse was walking along and then suddenly got scared. It could have been anything, but it got scared and ran straight into a ditch. There’s a road with two ditches on the sides, and the horse got scared and ran for the ditch. It doesn’t care, because it can get across just fine, but the problem is there’s a carriage with an actor in it attached! So.. /laughs/ the actor ended up in the ditch. Oh, I probably shouldn’t laugh. My merit just decreased one point. Thankfully it wasn’t a serious incident. No injuries, just a bit startled.

LYN: You probably see through the leaks I’ve been riding a black horse. That’s One-Two-Three.

🐴🐴🐴

C: Ning-ge, why can’t Daimi run in a straight line. LYN: Oh, you’ve found it out. XD Ever since she was little she hasn’t been able to run in a straight line. I think she might be a little disabled, but she walks just fine normally. It’s just that when she runs it seems like as soon as her feet hit the ground, her butt flies out. She runs sideways. I guess she has more power in her hind legs. But it could be because she’s chunky. 

- /checking how long he’s been streaming for, bc if it’s been long enough he’ll go rest and take a nap. current time is 2:40. says he’ll keep streaming until 3 full hours. doesn’t know when the next time he’ll stream is./

- /is okay with the night scenes because they’re more action than fight lately. just for show./ LYN: I think YNGS... will be a really good drama. The script and everything is very good. I hope everyone- at least my fans- can keep it in mind. I hope that it airs well.  LYN: I’ve also seen that people are getting agitated at the amount of leaks, and are trying to argue with people to stop posting them. They’re trying to scold people, which I think is within their right, but also the fact of the matter is that even if you scold people it’s no use. They’re going to post what they want. I don’t think you need to rebuke people so fiercely, and in turn it makes us look bad. The best thing we can do is not to circulate the contents, and that’s enough. You don’t need to start any fights, because no matter what you do it’s going through deaf ears anyway. If they really listen to reason and stop posting, that would be ok. But in the majority, that’s not going to be he case and it’s not as if you’re going to find where they live and go beat them. That’s not worthwhile. The best we can do is not circulate the content and not make a problem for the drama crew. That’s enough. LYN: It’s okay to be be more mild about it. Because this is a drama, and not a target on me personally. It’s about the whole drama group, so we (lyn’s fans) don’t have to get too worked up about it. Another things is, please DO NOT start fights with others. Please. I’ve already said- I’ve only just debuted, but I am old enough. If antis or strangers want to ridicule and curse at me a bit, let them. You can debate with them, but don’t attack. If you really can’t bear it, you can debate; but don’t attack others. Then we would just turn into the same type of people they are. Let’s be harmonious. - /people asking things they shouldn’t and getting scolded/ LYN: Let’s try to protect this drama a little, and wait for it to air. I mean, it hasn’t even FINISHED FILMING yet, you know- there’s no need. I trust that when it comes out it will be a really excellent product. Let’s just anticipate it, and leave it at that. I said earlier, didn’t I? A lot of people asking when this or that drama is going to air- and I told them to just live healthily. We have to stay alive until the day the drama airs. We’ll all see it eventually. So we have to live, happy and healthy, and with a passion for life. 

C: What about your next drama? LYN: Can I tell you? I can’t. It hasn’t even been confirmed yet, if it were I would tell you. Once I sign the contract I’ll tell you. Why would I tell you when it isn’t even official yet? This is like your coworker asking you how much you make- would you tell them? Do you think they would tell you theirs? Say today’s payday and you both get off work, and you ask you coworker how much they got paid. Do you think they would tell you? Never. They don’t want to know, either. Because 1. if they make more than you, you’re going to be jealous of them, or 2. if they make less than you, they’re going to have a breakdown. This is an unspoken agreement between friends. Us actors don’t ask each other how much a drama pays them. I don’t go up to ZSX and ask him how much he gets paid for a drama. I’ve never asked such a question. Don’t ask these questions. Just like with asking your coworker’s salary, you don’t ask an actor what their next drama will be. People just don’t do that.  C: Ning-ge, I’ll tell you. I make 1,800. LYN: Wh- What are you telling me for? Now I’m jealous of you. You can’t just tell people this, friend. Be more subtle. Who knows how you make that money. Don’t get too ahead of yourself. You’ll get a big head. You can’t make yourself out to be someone with so much money- you DO have money- but you can’t be too arrogant or else people will hate you. Remember this, alright? C: I make 10k a month. LYN: See, I was jealous of that person, but now I hate you. Why do you deserve it? We’re all people with one head and four legs- wait- one head and two legs, why do you get 10k a month? I hate you now. You definitely should not announce how much wealth you have. Don’t assume that the internet is such a safe place, and that people can’t find you. You’re online now and people can definitely find your IPA and location. This is dangerous. Not only online, don’t ever reveal your assets in any situation. There are unlawful people on the internet who use underhanded tactics to can find your information and scam or steal away your money. Let’s not look for bad luck, alright? When you go out just tell people you make 50RMB a month. Trick them into feeling sorry for you and giving you 20k instead. Don’t reveal your assets, no matter what. 

LYN: I saw a saying online, that I’ll share with you. It seems like it makes sense, but at the end you’ll think it doesn’t make any. There’s some reason in the nonsense. “If you use all your time to work, then you won’t have time to make money.” I don’t know if you’ve heard this before? After I heard it I thought it made a little sense. But I was also thinking, “If I don’t work, how will I make money??” I haven’t slept for three days, thinking about this saying. I can’t figure out what it means. C: Superfluous Literature (the art of saying nothing) LYN: I don’t think it is. There must be something behind this, but maybe it’s something only people with a higher level of understanding can make sense of. It’’s just... if you don’t work then where does the money come from? I’m guessing the person who said this must be well-off to begin with. They don’t want/need to work because their family gives them money to make their own businesses? There could be this type of logic behind it. I don’t know who said this to begin with, someone abroad I think. For me, my family didn’t have the money to give me to pursue my dreams so the only thing I could do to make money was to work.  C: Working and making money are two different things. LYN: That’s probably what they meant. Working and Making Money are different. Yes. But if you don’t work then how do you make money? It’s dumbfounding. Ning-ge needs to think on this and mature and maybe after another few years I’ll probably figure out what it means.  C: Working is just for “dead wages”. LYN: Not necessarily! - /talks about how, when he was working in the boutique he got 1200 a month, which is why he was jealous of that person earlier who said they make 1800. But on top of this, there is bonus gained from commission, quota, etc./ LYN: You can still make money from working. When you don’t have any other choice... I-... Forget it. /thinks/ No, I can say this. Just to share. Because I’ve met a lot of people who have a dream, something they want to do. Something they are really passionate about pursuing. If someone likes drawing, they’ll want to be an artist. But the problem is they’re close to starving, and then they count on their family for money to get food to eat.They pester their mom for money and only want to be an artist, and won’t consider anything else. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not. If it were me, I’d find some work and make sure I have the means to take care of myself first. There’s no point in pursuing your dreams if you can’t even support yourself. Get a job first. If you can’t even take responsibility for yourself and be independent of your family, how do you expect to accomplish anything? Get your affairs in order first, so that you can have the opportunity to make money later. Just don’t consider yourself above “small money” and stay static and waste away. If there’s work to do, just do it first. Please remember this. A lot of you may be getting ready to graduate college and enter society and are thinking that some jobs are belittling and you don’t want to take them. The problem is that the job you want may not want you. You have to make do with what’s available now. When you have better choices, you can move on to do better things. You just need to have stable footing first. Don’t expect to get anywhere when your feet aren’t on stable ground. It’s hard to make it to the top at the start. Make sure you have stable footing first. LYN: I was the same. I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be a celebrity and never thought I would end up going to cooking school. I didn’t want to be a singer AFTER I was a cook, I’ve always wanted to be one. So why didn’t I stay at home and make a fuss, saying “I want to be a singer. I don’t want to be a cook or a waiter, and I don’t want to sell clothes.” Why didn’t I do that? Because I knew I couldn’t survive without it.

C: Ning-ge, can I be a part of your company? LYN: Oh, I see. Then our basic requirements for our employees are... I’m going to start interviewing you now. What are you expecting to make? If it’s over $10 then we don’t need to discuss any further. Our principle is that we let people who have just entered society come to our company so that they can learn things. I think young people aren’t afraid to waste time and are willing to try out in a variety of different industries, not afraid to fail. You can learn all sorts of things here and at some point when you have enough experience, your assets will follow. C: Is there food and living expenses? LYN: Let me tell anyone who has come with interest in the company some requirements. Please don’t think I’m a bad boss, this is just a matter of choice. If you can’t accept the terms, you can choose not to work here, but don’t call me dark. The first condition is that LYN Co. workers do not get paid a salary. You come here to learn, purely based on your own liking. If you want to come, come. If you don’t want to, then forget it. Secondly, we don’t have an office. You all work from home. There’s no opportunity to come to work, you just stay at home. // There’s no chance to see the boss and we don’t have any year-end gatherings or bonuses. You’re just here to learn. C: Our title? LYN: Your title is just “staff”; there are no positions. If you want to be security, you can call yourself security. If you want to make comments during my streams, you can call yourself a "comment-er”. If you share my new song with your friends, you’re a “sharer”. You choose what you want to do. C: Who would go if there’s no salary. LYN: Yeah, so then... don’t come. We’re not lacking in people right now anyway. It’s entirely up to you. C: Turns out I was already a part of it. LYN: See? You’re a part of my company and no one ever told you. It’s very simple to become part of my company, as long as you’re my fan, you’re in. Because I don’t have a company. C: Ning-ge, I want to go be the boss’ wife. LYN: Don’t say these things to scare me. If you keep with it, I’m going to dissolve the company. I’ll quit, too. Don’t use these words to scare me, please. I can’t take it. I’ll dissolve the company and run. Don’t be like this. Even if I have the sin of killing your father, it’s not worth such a form of payback. How much must you hate me, to want to be the boss’ wife? LYN: I said I would dissolve the company and run and I saw someone say, “ You want to elope with me?”

LYN: I know we have a low qualification requirement, but we still have basic mental health requirements. If you... have a mental illness, let’s not enter the company. We can’t take the responsibility, and it’s dangerous for the workers. We’re not accepting anyone who has mythomania, hallucinations, or violent tendencies. Why? Because it’s quite scary. I suggest you look into another company. Go ask around what other artists’ companies are lacking workers. C: People who don’t want to become the boss’ wife don’t make good employees. LYN: Don’t go around spreading this sort of false morality. You’ll influence a generation of young people. We have a lot of young girls who are in college here right now. When they graduate and get into a company, do you want them to be thinking about how to pursue their boss?? That’s really strange. What’s your worth, then? You spent three or four years in school, and for what? What sort of nonsense is “people who don’t want to become the boss’ wife don’t make good employees”??? Do you think this is an idol drama? The domineering CEO starts to love a normal employee? They don’t think anything of the arranged marriage their parents have set up for them with a well-off and good looking girl, but fall for the normal salary worker in their company? Love is love. It’s just that inexplicable. The employee liked to throw water in their face all the time, but love is love. Do you think your real life is like a drama? There’s no way.  LYN: Have you never heard of that drama called “Don’t Fall in Love With the Boss (Legally Romance)”? Have you not seen it? This is exactly the story line we’re talking about. 

C: Ning-ge, I can tell you’ve watched a lot of idol dramas. LYN: I have. I watched a lot when I was younger, but when I grew up I pretty much stopped. Let me tell you which ones I’ve watched- other than my own- I’ve seen You Who Came From Stars. LYN: Someone typed a bunch of question marks into the chat and asked, “You act in idol dramas?” There was a question mark after these five words. Friends, let’s... let’s examine this. They typed this into the chat. /puts it up on screen/ Let’s examine why they would ask this question in such a way. There’s a couple ways we could in interpret this: The first is “Ning-ge, you’re willing to act in an idol drama? You would go for it? I thought you wanted to act in more manlier roles/dramas.” This is from an acting perspective. They second you already know without me needing to spell it out, right? The second is, /in disbelief/ “YOU act in idol dramas? Huh? You. In an idol drama. You, as an idol... in a drama?” See? Every space you put between the words gives it a different meaning, but no matter which way you cut it it’s full of skepticism. /sigh/

LYN: I almost forgot. I released another song recently, called 爱是不放手 (Love is to Not Let Go, Almost Lover OST). Wait- why do I look so dumb? Look at this- What’s wrong with this expression? My face is so round. This expression here is showing three words: “I am sad.”

LYN: Why? Why is it like this? This picture is alright. I look like a normal human being. A lively young man.

LYN: This one is a little too fake. This was taken before one of my concerts.

LYN:  Every time I see pictures of myself from back then I want to thank the fans I had who followed me from then until now. They truly didn’t look at appearances. They were completely drawn in by my talents alone. When I see myself I think I looked like a “pig-faced mountain”. 

C: Ning-ge, I am completely one of your song-fans through and through. LYN: Thank you. But I hope that when my drama airs, you can take a look at it too.

C: Bai Choufei won an award. LYN: I actually think that’s a rare/uncommon occurrence. Because BCF isn’t a character who would have fans- he’s a villain, but not one that garners fans. They all say that “If the man is not bad, women won’t like him.” But I don’t think it’s proper to use this expression on BCF. I think that if you became a fan of me through BCF, then your taste is on the higher side; you saw into BCF’s soul. People rarely get that and if you can, then I’m sure you are a person who is not wary of others. LYN: I think, even if you are just a supporting character, to be remembered and liked by the audience is something that makes me very happy. I mean remembering the role, and not the actor. Even though the actor IS LYN. As an actor, I only have four dramas out. If we’re going to pick out which drama aired the best and which brought me the most fans, it’s going to be Hao Du. I know a lot of people got to know me through Hei Yanjing, but they didn’t necessarily like me, and even could have hated me. This role didn’t really attract a lot of fans. So Hao Du brought me the most fans, but it’s already been two years since The Long Ballad has aired. So for me, having been known for only one good work in these two years, it’s normal that people still don’t acknowledge me and my acting. When people question me and think I don’t deserve it, I can understand where they’re coming from. Because I’ve only got four dramas that have aired.  LYN: I’m already lucky. The role of Hei Yanjing was because the character and base novel is already very amazing, which people to get to know me. But The Long Ballad was only my third drama, and already people got to know me from it. I’m very lucky. How many actors out there have been acting for YEARS and still don’t have that breakout role? It’s hard. Hao Du gave me a lot, and a lot of people got to know me through him. LYN: So I totally understand when people question and refuse to acknowledge me. They don’t acknowledge me, but I acknowledge them. I agree with them, because I only have four dramas out and in those four I was only just a supporting character. I wanted to play supporting roles because I wanted my career as an actor to be a long one. I could have directly signed onto a main lead role if I wanted to, if it were a smaller project. But I think that would be irresponsible of me, and irresponsible to the viewers. I had to start with supporting roles, so I had a clue what acting was all about first. Take it one step at a time.  LYN: I understand when people can’t or won’t acknowledge me and I can agree with their thinking. My fans know that, including YNGS, I have only fie dramas waiting to air and in them I’m mostly supporting. YNGS is almost over, and when I enter my next drama I’ll have six dramas in the waiting. These few years I’ve always been working, non-stop. They’re all supporting roles, but they still take three-four months all the same.

C: Then.. I hope they air soon. LYN: Honestly, I’m not in a rush for them to air. I want them to wait.. and then air seven in a single year. I wouldn’t be the main lead in all of them, but think about it: seven dramas in one year and they all feature LYN. How terrifying would that be? C: Ning-ge, if that’s the case then you can cameo in a lot more dramas. LYN: What you mean by that is that I should get in contact with every open crew and ask them if I could go cameo? That way each year I can feature in tens of dramas. That’s a little... unnecessary. I only go to cameo in dramas because I am very good friends with the actors/director/producer. Otherwise.. I already have my own work to do, why would I go cameo?

C: Ning-ge, being a supporting actor is also very good. LYN: ... Are you trying to convince me? Are you even my fan?? Even if that were the truth, you shouldn’t be telling that to me NOW. As someone just starting out in this industry, isn’t it a good thing to set your sights higher? Just like my fans earlier who wanted to be LYN’s company’s boss’ wife. Isn’t that also setting your sights high? Is it unrealistic? I don’t want to only play supporting roles- I also wish the day would come where I stand at the front of the stage as a main lead. Is it wrong? No, right? LYN: Friends, I’m just a child in his tens (x3). I JUST finished acting as the male lead in a guzhuang drama, and someone told me it’s find if I keep playing supporting roles. Do you know how much that hurts?! /fake cries/ LYN: /sighs/ How painful. Actually everyone who lives in the jianghu one day dreams of becoming a general. I am no exception. I believe that there will come a day, I will be... Oh, no. I shouldn’t mess around with this. I can’t get it out. That’s not important. LYN: Is there something wrong with calling myself a “child in his tens”, friends? C: Ning-ge, don’t cry. Your makeup will run. LYN: Why would I cry? Why would I cry, when I don’t even have the time to be happy? I went through so much to get to this point in my life and someone told me I’d be better off acting in supporting roles. I want to tell this person- the only feeling I have towards this, which is- Heh. How damning. Those words are really evil. C: A broadcast drama. LYN: No, I don’t dare to. These lines are just basic. Please don’t go out and praise my recitation of lines or my acting. Just don’t praise me at all. Everyone knows I am a singer who’s gone into acting, so they don’t hold much expectation for me. This is my opportunity to surprise them so that they think I’m not actually too bad at it. But if you praise me too much and then they see me, I will have failed to meet their expectations. Please don’t go around praising my acting or my lines. My lines... are really just basic and I hope that all my good friends can remember this. LYN: No, really. Don’t go around praising me/pushing me on people. I don’t think there’s any meaning in doing that. The viewers aren’t blind- they can all see. If you say “Ning-ge’s Northeastern dialect is so good” then that’s fine and I can live up to that. But I can’t live up to “Ning-ge’s says his lines so well” so you don’t need to praise me for it. 

C: LYN, do you use inversion when you speak? LYN: Sometimes, but it’s not a construction I am used to using.

C: When will you leave to film? LYN: In Hengdian it gets dark around 5:30p, so I just need to get to set by then.

C: Ning-ge, as long as we have an interesting topic, we can chat for hours. LYN: Yeah, that’s how it works.

C: Shandong people like to use inversion. LYN: Do they? I very rarely meet people from Shandong. But my ancestors are from Shandong, that’s why I’m so tall. // But I’m a Liaoning, Dandong person.

C: Have you eaten? LYN: I are breakfast but not lunch. I’ll probably order some takeout and then have a nap and I’ll be ready to work at night. 

C: From where in Shandong? LYN: I forget. It’s not important. We’re all from Shandong, and that’s good enough. 

C: What’s on the chair? LYN: This chair? What’s it to you? I need to tell you all about my house furnishings? It has nothing to do with you, so don’t ask.  LYN: No, I bought a vest. I had wanted to wear it, but I don’t think I can, now. It’s like those bulletproof vests you wear when playing games. It was cheap and I bought it to wear during games but ... yeah. // I can wear it during a stream at some point.

LYN: The last time I came to stream I was wearing a white wig, do you remember? Most of the time after I finish up with work I don’t have the time to come home and make myself presentable. So I think wearing a wig is quite nice. I went online and bought four more, just about the same style as the white one. I bought four different colors. Later when I stream and I’m not wearing the drama wig like this, I’ll put on one of those wigs. I’ll have one for four different streams and then rotate. It’s too cool. I bought a pink one. I’ll be a handsome young kid. Very fashionable. I bought a pink one, a red one, and two other colors but I forget.  C: Green? LYN: No, there were colors that weren’t too positive, so I didn’t buy them. - /suddenly breaks into song/ LYN: This song is very non-mainstream, isn’t it. Honestly- who wasn’t? I want to know, those of you around my age, didn’t we all have that phase? I was like that too, once. I also kept long hair. C: This song had a Chinese version? LYN: Yeah! There was a song called “Lonely”, have you heard of it? It was one word, repeated.

LYN:  午夜电台? What’s that? Is it this song? - C: Ning-ge, weren’t you born after the 00′s? LYN: Yeah, and? A “child in his tens”, that’s me.  -  LYN: I don’t think this is the right song. There used to be one called 午夜DJ, have you heard of it? --  午夜DJ (Late Night DJ) C: How silly. LYN: What are you saying? This song is so nice. It’s the music we all grew up on back then. People shouldn’t forget their beginnings, friends. C: Ning-ge, I’m not connected to the speakers, play it. LYN: What do you mean? I played that song and you didn’t want others to hear what was playing on your phone? This song is that embarrassing? That’s unwarranted, isn’t it? No, right?? C: Ning-ge, if that’s the case, play something even more humbling. LYN: No, not a more humbling song, but a song that can make THEM feel even more embarrassed. It’s not that the music itself is bad. I really like this music. What should I play? --  2002年的第一场雪 (The First Snow of 2002) LYN: No, this one isn’t right. Something that can make them feel embarrassed... this one. -- 皇上吉祥 (Emperor’s Favour) LYN: Let me see if there’s an accompaniment and I can sing it myself. LYN: How is it? Is it good enough? Do you enjoy this type of music? Doesn’t it have that feeling? Is it captivating enough? Huh? I’m hyped. No matter who hears this song, they’ll be dumbfounded. [t/n: it’s a song abt earning the emperor’s favor and becoming his seventh wife.]

LYN: Alright, that’s about enough friends. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. When I have the chance to stream again, you’ll be able to come watch. Thanks for all your company and support today. I still have filming to do at night so I’m going to eat a little something and then take a nap and continue to work.  LYN: This afternoon you  all have given me company and I hope I was able to keep you company as well, and give you a little bit of happiness. I want you all to be happy. I hope you had a relaxing and wonderful weekend. I am happy to have had you today and hope the rest of your day goes well. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone.

-- /closes out with  意气趁年少/ LYN: I might have a performance in a few days where I’m going to sing this song. I’m testing out if I can still sing it.  LYN: Alright, goodnight everyone. Bye bye.