#when the hyperfixation gets so bad you gotta start making your own content

[cosmictap]

The Ghosts playing CO-OP Stardew Valley

A 100% canon list (says me and me alone)

Logan’s in the mines the day it opens and never leaves again (only to sleep), argues with the others about going to the festivals because that means a days gone by where he’s not in the mines (I haven’t tried to avoid the festivals but if it’s one that can’t be avoided he will only go to them on accident, because he forgot it was a festival day and tried to go to pierre’s or smth), hates fishing, doesn’t have the patience for it and gets too frustrated when it goes wrong. Often forgets to talk to people, but when he does, it’s mostly only with Abigail, who he romances on literally every save he has

Hesh is almost the complete opposite to Logan, *loves* the festivals, will happily go into the mines but does a lot of early game fishing for their money income + for the community centre, has watered half the plants before Logan actually comes out of his house. Romances Alex, likes the character arc he goes through w/ the male farmer

Ajax loves taking it slow, just a casual farming sim. This is until the skull caverns get unlocked, he *thrives* in them, doesn’t care much for fishing, will leave that to Hesh, rarely ever even goes to the beach unless he needs to to talk to someone (Elliot, Willy, Haley and Alex in the summer). I feel like he’d romance either Haley or Alex, Haley if playing with Hesh, and whoever he gets the hearts with sooner in his single player saves

Keegan takes it slowly the entire play through, his logic is that he’s so stressed in real life, his pixelated character deserves some rest, even if he can’t get it. Loves fishing, but he’s fucking *awful* at it, has never caught a single fish in SDV ever. Romances Sebastian because he’s emo… /j

Kick had a certain chaotic energy about him I feel would make early game a struggle to get through, but the second ginger island is unlocked he spends whole days there, and once the island farm is fixed, he sleeps there too, thrives off hunting for golden walnuts, will yell at someone if they try to cheat their way through it (either by looking up where they are or by using that parrot thing), rarely actually buys anything unless asked to. Dates multiple people, never marries though.

Merrick doesn’t play too often, he’s a busy man after all, but when they can find a clear day in his schedule? He loves the social aspect, will happily hunt around looking for every npc everyday, refuses to get the NPC map locations mod despite everyone telling him it make his days easier trying to find everyone. The change of seasons throws him off because peoples schedules change and he has to figure it out again.

I wrote this at 5:20 so please excuse any potential strange phrasing…

[thana-topsy]

Ok I gotta come out and say it. I envy you. Like, to a painful extent. The amount of people you get interested in your characters, how you're incredibly skilled in both visual art AND writing, how readers your fics have. I absolutely adore your work, but seeing it fills me with so much envy it's honestly ridiculous.

Did you deal with similar feelings towards other creators when you started writing fic by any chance? If so, how did you deal with those feelings? I feel genuinely stuck feeling worthless about my fics. I'm not as verbose with my language despite over 10 years of writing under my belt and it seems as though my plots don't interest people as much either. So I feel like there's just nothing of worth about any of my work.

I know that this is a lot to dump on you, but I felt like I would burst keeping this all in. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

Hey there my friend, I've been sitting with this all day trying to decide how I want to answer you. I genuinely appreciate your honesty, because I know this is a familiar feeling for a lot of people, myself included.

I remember when I first rejoined Tumblr in early 2019, desperately trying to find anyone to talk to about TES, I would look at all these blogs gettings asks about their OCs like they were little celebrities and feel envy and longing. Now, when these feelings start to bubble up, I force myself to take a break from sharing my work, be it art or writing, if only to remind myself why I'm creating it and who I'm creating it for: myself. I know it sounds cheesy, and I probably sound like a broken record, but genuinely I just do this because it's bursting out of my skull. But I won't lie and say the engagement and the support doesn't have a big impact on my motivation. I love sharing with people and getting an enthusiastic response.

I think something people might not realize, or maybe they just forget, is that I used to write a lot of smut. Like...a lot of smut. (I still do). Hahaha and it doesn't get a lot of comments or engagement, but it does draw a lot of eyes. Once my smut stories started taking on heavier plotlines, a comment I'd get a lot was "came for the porn, stayed for the plot." And I wasn't writing smut because I thought it would get me an audience, I was just horny LMAO. But it encouraged me to branch out and experiment with the types of stories I was telling.

Anyways, art is another big part of it, yes. But that also didn't get a lot of engagement in the beginning, and my skills were rusty as hell. I was getting maybe 15 notes on here, 30 likes on instagram. But that didn't really matter to me, I was just insane with inspiration. I'd reach out to people and ask to do art trades, got ghosted a lot, made some good friends, (some people who are still my good friends to this day!). But it took a lot of risks, and I made a lot of accidental enemies and learned a lot of hard lessons. But having visuals to go with the stories I'm writing is like advertisement in its own way. I'm just lucky enough to hyperfixate on this shit like it's my lifeblood. I've always obsessively drawn my favorite characters, ever since I was a wee bab. Long before social media was a factor or the words "content creator" even existed.

And I think that's what it all comes back to. Above all else, do what you do with unbridled joy. If someone else finds joy alongside you, all the better! Even if it's just one person. Take risks, make friends, make enemies, draw that blorbo unapologetically and with wild abandon. Love what you create, even when it's bad. Even when it makes you cringe years later, don't delete it. Even when people try to find every reason to hate what you do and who you are. Don't stop.

Every act of creation is bringing something into the world that didn't exist before you made it. And that alone gives it worth.

Happy New Year!

[miekasa]

I’m in love with the idea of twitch streamer bf eren

OKAY ME TOO!! Easily top 3 best Eren concepts imo it’s just so good and so... him, he falls on the gamer himbo boyfriend side of the scale for sure

Let’s start with his setup: purple and/or green with a dark wood tabletop. He keeps the lights green during the day or when his computer is idle, and mixes in the purple when it’s dark out because he likes the Ambiance. 

Only one monitor and do not let him buy another one no matter how much he claims he needs it. He does not. He has a TV in his room tho, but it’s not mounted above or near his desk; it’s on the opposite wall that faces his bed. Laying down and watching Netflix takes priority.  

He’s a sucker for themed keyboards/keycaps. If he finds a set themed around his favorite show or a character he likes, he’ll buy it. No self control.

The majority of his keyboards have that super clacky almost officey sounding click to them, and he’s obsessed with it. Sometimes he fucks around on Google Docs typing nonsense just to hear the keyboard make noise.

Puts in special keycaps on the ones with your initials on whichever keyboard he’s using at the moment <3 gamer boyfriend things <33

Always swears he wants to do some kind of special event or thank you for subscriber/follower milestones, but he never catches his own milestones 😭😭 by the time he realizes he has 100k subs, he’s already on 103k or something 

Then he calls you, his friends, and his subscribers fake for not pointing it out to him like sir it’s right there on your screen please. All you had to do was LOOK

If he’s in the middle of a game and he really has a to pee, or he’s gotta go do something, he’ll yell for you, and you come in, obviously slightly worried, but then Eren is just hurriedly giving you instructions, “Here, press left or right to move, spacebar to fire, avoid these, kill those. That ugly look thing to the left is Jean, and over there is his character. You’re teammates, I’ll be right back,” before he puts his headphones on your head and runs off. Now you’re left to fend for yourself, good luck.

He can be gone anywhere from 30 seconds to 30 minutes 😭😭 if he’s gone for a short amount of time, he comes back with just as much chaotic energy to take back his headphones and shoo you away as he did to throw it all on you pls.

Other times, he’ll go and make a whole ass meal and come back sauntering in with a half eaten grilled cheese in hand, “Oh shit are you still playing, babe—hey you’re doing really well, look at you go!”

When you’re not there, he mentions you a lot, because he’s always thinking about you no matter how small it is; even just the design of a character would prompt him to a make a comment, “I don’t think my girlfriend has ever played this, but I know she’d main this character.” 

Does he invite you to play a game he knows you’ve never played or are bad at with him on his stream, knowing full well he’s an ace at it and will crush you publicly? Absolutely. Without a doubt. 

There’s always a very shameless, not at all subtle shoutout to his Instagram in the middle of all his streams please, he’ll be playing a game and randomly it’s like, “Fire pic on Instagam by the way, go like that.” 

His comments are pretty respectful whenever you’re there or he mentions you; there’s a few cheeky randoms who like to make donations whenever you’re on the screen or say some inappropriate stuff, but Eren’s learned to just ignore it. It doesn’t make him happy, and he might tell people to chill if it’s excessive, but he won’t call out anything explicitly and make you uncomfortable while you’re there. 

Sometimes Connie will make a comment about how you’re hot, and that’s definitely something Eren will call out and bring attention to, more so to mock Connie than anything. 

At one point, his subscribers keep asking for more content with you (especially if you’re not there often/it’s been a while since people have seen a peek of you), to which Eren will pout because, “Hey, this is my Twitch-- now, look, you’ve gotten your Eren’s hot girlfriend privileges revoked for the week.”

Terrible at doing unboxing videos whenever he gets sent product because he just rips things open 😭😭 he’s too eager to do ASMR or gentle/detailed unboxing, he just wants to test out the new parts as soon as possible. 

Abuses his spinny gamer chair. Spins himself dizzy on it (yes, while he’s streaming and waiting for lobbies/things to load), spins you dizzy on it when you’re just trying to be comfy, spins the both of you dizzy when he’s trapped you on his lap. 

He’d be one of those lucky people who gets a cool single name user/ID. Like he gets just @eren or @jaeger/yeager, because his name is pretty unique, but I can totally see him going the typical fun gamer tag route. 

His content is anything from him streaming Overwatch and COD to terraforming his Animal Crossing island, he does not discriminate. One day you could get Eren calling Jean a fucking dumbass for not healing him, and the next day he’s doing his best impressions of Timmy and Tommy.

Do not put it past him to build you a whole ass PC setup if you express the slightest interest in one, even if it’s not solely for gaming/you wanna use it for work/school. He’ll do it. He’ll make his hyperfixating work for him. 

Plus then he’d get to give you one of his old keyboards and give you special keycaps with his initials and go on about how he’s officially got a gamer gf even if all you can do is press the spacebar <33 

[shoezuki]

cracks knuckles. i promised to elaborate and i will.

the one common perspective that everyone seems to be able to agree on is that techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo are just genuinely funnier than the dteam, and honestly yes it's because if the popularity. if you go back and watch the dteams older (im talking before 2-3mil subs) videos they are funnier than their current ones and i think it's because they're trying to shift their humor to a broader audience?

the minecraft community has always been mainly queer/poc/ndv kids because it was exiled away from "acceptable society" for so long that only the people who had already been "exiled" continued to enjoy it. I, as an example, stopped playing when it became a cringy thing because I was so worried about being seen as weird. now that ive discovered, come to terms with, and enjoy my queerness, i realize that if i had known i was queer back when mc was exiled i wouldve continued to play because i alrwady would have known what it was like to be part of that seperate society. (Please keep reading i promise I have a point)

but then minecraft came back. minecraft became mainstream again, and it came back HARD. watching it go from something that you would be bullied immensely for to something that you would be bullied for not doing was an extreme experience. in all honesty im still angry about it, but that's another topic. when minecraft became mainstream it brought with it all of the people that hadn't been part of the exiled societies yk? including... the dream team.

dream blew up. we all know how much he blew up. i personally dont believe he cheated on the speedrun but to each their own (although after reading your stuff and becoming more critical of them im realizing i might need to reexamine that), and the speedrun controversy brought even more people to his base (cough drama loving straight white girls cough).

when they were brought into the fanbase that's when it started to go downhill. they shifted their humor to fit that, or maybe their humor was always that and they just got more confident in showing it after they had gotten a fan base to back them up. which is also why techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo (who ill refer to just as techno&co now because he's the main one but also that's long as hell lmao) are funnier than them!

for one, their fanbases are smaller. now 5 mil is by no means a small number, but compared to dream's 16 mil? yknow. especially with techno's wack upload schedule he's never had to worry about having a stan fan base because the only people who stay are people who genuinely enjoy his content the way it is.

two, techno&co are mostly ndv. techno has adhd, tubbo has dyslexia, wilbur had and maybe still has depression, ranboo has anxiety, tommy hasnt confirmed or denied his adhd but im betting he at least has borderline. i am in no ways saying that being part of one minority (in this case ndv) gives you free range over another (queer), but all minorities have this understanding about what it is to be part of an exiled community (if that makes sense).

philza and schlatt, not so sure if they're ndv, but they're also older and generally more mature and esp in philza's case, theyve had their chance to make their bad jokes and pull stupid shit and theyve grown out of it (if they ever had that phase at all). techno&co have that understanding and even if they dont know where the boundaries are they know that queer humor (and all humor! other than techno, sbi doesnt really make gay jokes) going to have boundaries, and they respect that.

three, techno is the funniest bitch because he has adhd. i dont take criticism on this point because im right.

i probably missed a lot, probably got some stuff wrong, but all in all i think i hit my mark. i can come off anon to chat anytime if youd vibe w that. no pressure to respond to this! have a good day, etc etc, it was fun getting to tear into the dteam in a safe space. respect for them and their fanbases, their humor is a little off but i still gotta respect how well theyve done. btw i woke up and rolled over and started typing I haven't proofed this at all so yeah. :) - andy

And your brain is fucking massive yo like u must got chronic back pain too from holdin up all these Thoughts in ur head

I really like. Minecraft fans is So varied cuz like u said it was so very 'cringe' before. I got into mc again n playin it w my siblings years before it Popped Off again entirely cuz i stopped Giving a Shit that it was 'weird' or any a that. N sbi have been goin strong through it So Long both when it was hotshit and when it was "cringe"

N definitely like minecraft ive always noticed has a Massive ndv community. I dont know entirely what it is like definitely part of the 'cringe' factor like u said and also cubes make our brains go brrrr? The aspect of self expression in it? I dont know but we Been Here

I do think dteam's content and shit like. It obviously moved in sync with perceptions of mc to garner a Big General audience. Dream blowing up entirely had to do w the Trends and how mc got popular. Therefore hes audience is Huge and Varied

In contrast w techno n like. He has blown up quite a bit too. But i feel its fair to say he Hasnt altered his content significantly. Or at least like. How its presented, what he does, etc. For fucks sake he doesnt have a stream schedule. And although his content is Still garnering a Large and really varied audience it feels more like. Isolated and homogeneous almost

Like. I can go into the technocord right now and say 'dont forget to take your meds' and at least 20 or so ppl would be all like Oh Fuck Whoops. Theres SO many of us adhd ppl in there. I always goof bout techno jus sayin pspspsps and the neurodivergents crawling up from the floorboards but honest to god. His content and jokes and i suppose Personality jus appeals to us So Much. Same goes for sbi pretty heavily honestly altho i feel its most evident in techno's most Dedicated fans

Also. Lbr. The people who stay through technos schedules and content Droughts are the ones who be hyperfixating Abskfvdkdsjsjsl

BUT going into sbi as a Group like. They are friends. And together they are fucking hilarious. N i feel it strongly like. The fact theyre all such Varied people of different ages and such helps w that shit. It Works So Well.

Long story short being neurodivergent makes you funny as hell letsgo

[420pogpills]

Hello, hello! I thought I would reach out for some advice if you don't mind??

I'm very new to the fandom and it's become a hyperfixation of mine, and was glad I found mcytblr because it feels safer than twitter and other social media!! However, I noticed a lot of people considering leaving the last few days because more and more toxicity and negativity is leeching onto here that is akin to twitter. One of my favorite blogs actually went on a possible permanent hiatus over it and it was disheartening to see it affect them that much....

I guess I'm just really panicking and afraid?? I feel like I've joined the fandom during a really volatile time and I'm worried that the toxic side of the fandom, moving on to new fandoms, etc. will drive away my mutuals and such and the vibes won't be the same anymore and get worse and worse. I know realistically, new blogs will likely take their place as new people join, but that doesn't change my anxiety surrounding everything happening on here. It hurts because mcyt has started to mean a lot to me and the community is hurting and there is no sign of it slowing down any time soon...I just...idk if I have the proper words but watching the positive side of mcytblr wanting to leave is affecting more than seeing the negativity on here. I'm worried it'll be a ghost town on tumblr in time despite the ccs + mcyttwt's growing popularity :(

Also, this is techinally a sort of response to your ask post about telling you your vibes! You honestly give off older sister energy and you always seem to have wonderful advice and resonate a comforting energy when you respond to your asks. Hence, why I trust you enough to open up about these concerns. You just have a welcoming presence!! <3

hello there!

first of all thank you so so soooo much for your super sweet and kind words 💖🥺 i really appreciate that, thank you! makes me so happy that you feel comfortable writing to me!!! i'm very happy to hear that :D

second of all, i know often it may seem like it, especially if you frequent twitter more than tumblr, but i fully believe the positivity outweighs the negativity! there are so many lovely, kind, creative, incredible people in this community, that makes me very happy that i ever joined 😊 it's so exciting to be part of such a fun community where you have so many people to talk to, we've all got so much in common it's just really fun!

this got super long so i'll put it under here ❤️

so in my personal opinion, your experience depends entirely on you! i promise you that if you follow the right people, 9 times out of 10 you will not see any negativity unless you look for it! i myself almost had a breaking point and was considering leaving the fandom, because while i was enjoying myself on tumblr - i also had an account on twitter and boyyyyy i was just following all the wrong accounts.

i realised that twitter offers me absolutely nothing, so i've unfollowed everyone and only follow my favourite content creators, a few artists and give or take a fan here or there - people whom i know will not engage in negativity!

on tumblr is even better, because you can tag and blacklist things so you won't see them. makes it even easier to avoid toxicity and negativity. and one of the most important things i learned is that for your own sake, for your own mood and mental health - don't engage. sometimes you really want to, sometimes you see someone say something very ignorant or disrespectful, and you just want to say something, but i promise you it's so much better and easier to just unfollow and go about your day! if anyone is deliberately being nasty to you, just block them, i promise it's not worth engaging!

honestly more often than not, you'll be fighting your curiosity more than negativity. for example i won't see anything bad about dream, but i'll see people say 'did you see what they're saying about him on twitter??' - and i will only see that stuff if i actively go and search for it. so you gotta try your very best to stop yourself from searching for things :P

in a lot of cases i think people make themselves sad unintentionally. because they worry too much or care too much, too often, about things that we don't really need to worry so much about. whether it's about some old controversy, or if dream and george had an off day and suddenly people are stressing out that their friendship is falling apart, or some streamer is accusing them of something - the less attention you give it the better, the less you worry about it the better.

of course it isn't your fault if you hyperfixate, but you have to try your very best to remember that your mental health is most important! so above all, you have to take care of yourself the most! so i think those people that are choosing to leave, are doing just that :) maybe they'll just take a break, maybe they'll come back, maybe they'll stay altogether - but the best thing to do, is doing what you know is best for you!

i don't know if that helped at all, i feel like i just said a lot of words and not a whole lot of sense haha! but my point is that you need to trust yourself the most :) trust that you'll be able to handle if it's too negative at times, trust yourself that you won't let negativity affect you to the extent that it will impact your mental health, and trust that if god forbid it ever gets to that point, that you'll be able to take yourself out of it! ❤️

i'm always here if you wanna chat! :D

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[kallypsowrites]

Game of thrones 8x03 Predictions

I honestly am so hyperfixated on Game of thrones right now and the next episode that I gotta make some character predictions. But in this case, I’m less interested about DEATHS and more interested about the character groups we will see in the episode. The director has already spoke about the difficulty directing a battle with multiple POVs. In Battle of the Bastards he was able to stick of Jon’s perspective all the way through. In this battle, there are many storylines going on concurrently. But he likely has them split up into character groups in order to make things easier to track. And based on those character groups, we can guess what might happen. And, I expect that in each group, there will be some kind of death to give us a ‘lowest point’ for each arc. So...let’s jump in!

Group 1: The non-combatants (Tyrion, Varys, Sansa, Missandei, Gilly)

First off we have the non-combatants. My guess is, a lot of the character in this group will be focused on in the beginning as they say some goodbyes but then will be regulated to reaction shots during key points in the battle. HOWEVER I fully expect a few noncombatants to not stay in the crypts. Namely: Tyrion and Sansa. I think Tyrion will go initially to the crypts on Daenerys’ orders but then decide that he can’t take sitting and waiting. I think Sansa might refuse to go the crypts all together, and if she does, she will also have a moment of going off on her own. I suspect the crypts to become a focal point in the eleventh hour of the episode as a ‘twist’ when suddenly the crypts are attacked. That’s a big chekov’s gun at this point.

Moments/relationships I expect to see: Tyrion and Varys discussing the weird vibes happening between Dany and Jon, Tyrion and Sansa discussing not wanting to sit and wait to see if loved ones will die (I.E. their families), Missandei and Gilly bonding over feeling like outsiders and Gilly comforting Missandei. The Crypts becoming to the site for a devestating and unexpected attack that will make me sad.

Themes I expect to be explored: what it means to wait during a battle, facing certain death and feeling helpless to do anything about it, the value of non combatant skills in a combat zone.

Possible dead: Missandei, Gilly or Little Sam. Expect many tears.

Group 2: On the Battlements (Arya, Berric, Gendry and the Hound)

We’ve already seen shots of Arya, Berric and the Hound inside, and of course they got a moment together in episode two. Not to mention Arya is going to want to keep close to Gendry. I think that they are going to be the first responders to the crypt disaster and crucial for when Winterfell first becomes overrun. Arya, perhaps, wanted to fight out in the field, but I imagine Jon wanting her to stay in a safer part of the battle to protect those who can’t protect themselves. For this reason, this group’s story will converge with the story of those in the crypts toward the end.

At some point, Arya and her group will see/hear something suspicious and go to investigate where they will probably find the crypts overrun. That is what causes Arya to run in fear. My guess is she also tries to find Sansa who likely wasn’t in the crypts at the time of the attack, but Arya has no way of knowing that. This is the most panicked and emotional we’ll have seen Arya since her near death experience in season 8.

Like the previous group, look for them to play the biggest roll toward the end of the episode.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Arya and Gendry before battle, one last bonding between the Hound and Berric before inevitable deaths, Arya and the Hound fighting together, Arya being with Sansa in the beginning and then frantically looking for Sansa at the end. Arya being hella cool with her new weapon but also finding herself up against an enemy that genuinely scares her.

Themes I expect to be explored: Confronting fears, facing the real possibility of death, true apocalyptic horror, facing enemies beyond what one ever expected and seeing very strong people break down because of it.

Possible deaths: Berric definetily, and Gendry as a possibility

Group 3: The Godswood (Theon and Bran)

Theon is protecting Bran with the rest of the Iron born and waiting for the Night King. I suspect that Bran has some sort of secret plan, since he can see all things and this plan might ultimately end in Theon’s death. Still Theon will fight bravely throughout, proving himself a true iron born. It’d be nice to see him shoot down the ice dragon as well, but I won’t hold out too much hope.

This is probably the group that’s going to get most trippy with it’s magic too since Bran is the focal point/target of the Night King. This is the only group where I genuinely don’t know what to expect.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Bran’s gonna give Theon that trailer speech about how everything he did brought him back home and it’s going to be hella emotional. Brave boy Theon is going to brave and fight for his little brother and I CRY. I expect Jon to intersect with this group at some point as well but I’ll get to that later.

Themes I expect to see explored: Mysticism and magic, family goes beyond blood, making a stand to protect what you love even though you know you could die.

Possible deaths: Theon

Group 4: The Left Flank (Jaime, Brienne and Podrick)

Standing with the Knights of the Vale, we have Jaime, Brienne and Podrick, all ready to do some fighting. The show was smart to give them several moments together last episode, showing Jaime and Brienne watching Podrick fight like proud parents, having Brienne act like a mother toward Podrick, having Podrick’s beautiful song of death foreshadowing.

This is going to be a kind of intimate character story in my mind. Where other groups have more face characters, this is principally about Jaime and Brienne and Brienne of Podrick, with Brienne really being the focal point. I expect there to be several close calls and brushes with death as well, and of course, Brienne and Jaime fighting side by side.

Considering how much the show spent on Jaime and Brienne’s relationship last time, I think this is the time that brings their feelings for each other to the forefront. We will see them fight for each other and be willing to die for each other and how they are truly two halves of the same sword (read: soul). I don’t think this will ultimately build to one of them dying tragically (not yet) but rather, it will push them to finally admitting their feelings in the battle aftermath, because they came so close to losing each other and they don’t want to miss their chance.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Some HEAVY Jaime/Brienne content, complete with looks that say so much in subtext, throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other, maybe a battle confession (am I hoping too much, yeah probably, but fight me). Brienne and Podrick of course, with Podrick making her proud with fighting. I expect him to save her once too, just like he saved Tyrion in the Blackwater. And I expect Brienne to be ripped apart when he dies and I expect me to cry a lot.

Themes I expect to be explored: Unspoken feelings, bad ass battle couples, facing death with honor and bravery, ‘at least if we die, we die together’.

Possible deaths: RIP Podrick and my soul cause I’m going to cry so much.

Group 5: The Right Flank (Tormund, Davos, Edd, Samwell, the rest of the North) and the center (Greyworm and Jorah)

I put these groups together because I expect them to converge at some point and I expect them to tackle similar themes. This is the corner of soldiers, and the corner of a lot of deaths. We’ve seen all of the characters get a prominent moment and I think this is the place where we see many of them fight for their right to live and die protecting those they love. This is where the beginning of the battle will hit hardest and where we will have some of our first deaths to show us that this is serious.

Undoubtedly, this group will have to retreat, and those who make it back to the walls will probably live. But in the retreat, I expect to see casualties.

Moments/ Relationships I expect to see: Sam and Edd bonding over NIght’s watch stuff one last time, Davos and Tormund wishing each other the best. One last conversation between Greyworm and Jorah about how far they’ve come fighting for Daenerys. It’s notable that Jon and Dany might cross over with this group as some of their oldest friends/allies are here.

Themes I expect to be explored: What it means to be a soldier/knight, what it means to fight even when you know you might die, what happens when your survivor’s luck runs out and a battle finally gets you.

Possible deaths: I put Jorah, Tormund and Edd as the most likely deaths in this group. Greyworm might die, unless Missandei dies, and then he will live to grieve. Davos and Sam will likely be the survivors.

Group 6: The Wild cards (Jon, Daenerys and the dragons)

Jon and Dany are wild cards because, while they start in the same place, I think they are going to end up in very different fights in this war. They will crossover with other groups and, ultimately, their arcs in this battle are the most in shadows because I think something wild is going to happen.

What I do know is that they will spend the first moments of the battle together and will part on bad terms. And, at some point, Jon is going to end up fighting on the ground, MOST LIKELY at the weirwood tree with Bran. Rhaegal might be injured or killed.

The one I am most unsure of is Daenerys who has had approximately one shot of fighting in the preview and it’s her riding Drogon. I know she’s gonna be in the air and that’s about it, so I like the mystery surrounding that part of the battle right now.

Moments/ Relationships I expect to see: Jon and Daenerys, obviously, having a lot of tension over the reveal which might result in plans going HORRIBLY wrong, because Jon that was a BAD TIME to say it! Jon and Bran when Jon inevitably crashes to the ground and fights to defend his little brother. Daenerys possibly seeing Jorah die and having a lot of grief about it.

Themes I expect to be explored: Power vs survival, want vs need, desperate final stands. The weakness of dragons against the winter and the dead

Possible deaths: Rhaegal is a possibility but I think this group is pretty safe for this battle. Not so much with episode five lol.

Woof. Okay, that was a long post. But, regardless, I am getting pretty excited for the episode and pretty nervous for my faves. Can’t wait to cry!

[paig]

Album Analysis: Neotheater

neotheater is possibly one of my favorite albums of all time. i love the way the album opens and closes, it really reminds me of a show and almost like an overture while also being a unique song. the sentimental value each song obviously holds made me want to cry and smile at the same time. in my opinion, the click’s theme or message was about balancing what you want to be and what other people want you to be, and i think that this album is about the ‘human experience’ and things everyone goes through but never talks about (like the Peter Pan factor, which is explained later). I loved the messages of 100 Bad Days and Birthday Party when they dropped, and Dear Winter brought me to tears.

But it’s always better to go in order, so starting from the beginning, Next Up Forever: wanting to never actually peak because then it means you’re never going to be better/or as good as you were at one point or another. this song also pushes into motion the Peter Pan factor that reoccurs throughout the album, not wanting to grow up. but then the flip side shown in the song is not wanting to be left behind. “I know i have to grow up sometime, but i don’t think im ready yet” is the line that really drove it home for me. This song is also musically beautiful and i love love LOVE the chorus.

Next, Birthday Party: Firstly, i love the transition between the songs. i also love the little “wow”s! This song also captures the ‘human experience’ in my opinion because it mentions thoughts everyone has, but doesn’t ever really say out loud (with a few exceptions). Not to mention the upbeat music that for me represented the outlook that the song has, even if it is in a sarcastic way.

My personal favorite to get hype to, 100 Bad Days: this one i feel contributes the most to the theme of ‘the human experience’. the song is about surviving what hurts, and becoming more interesting because of it. it also talks about coping with failure and everything going wrong, which is something that everyone ever can relate to. “i aint scared of you no more” is such a powerful line, saying ‘hey yknow what? im not going to let this keep me down’ which is also something everyone can relate to. This song holds a special place in my heart because it has helped me through a lot even though it hasn’t been out for very long.

Don’t Throw Out My Legos: holy. crap. i heard this song first when i listened to clips from people on The Click tour, but hearing it produced and really complete is an entirely different experience. This song contributes to ‘the human experience’ because it’s about being stuck in this feedback loop of having to let go but not being able to. it also represents a first step to me, because moving out but not moving on is the first step towards being really independent. this song may have the most peter pan feel to it of all!

Break My Face: the way this song starts is my favorite thing ever omg. this song is kinda like realism, cause it gives the pros and cons to every situation in an unbiased way, but also makes a little joke out of it. human experience shows in this one through how it almost sounds tired of life’s crap. “life gives you lemons, at least it gave you something” is an iconic line, and the little callback to Birthday Party with “everything is going great” is super sneaky cause it sounds perfect.

Turning Out Pt.ii: wow. this song is really raw, and it honestly makes me feel so aware of everything. the universal shared experience of being in love with the idea of someone is already near heartbreaking, but then the way it is compared to growing up and, well, turning out and loving how you turn out really drives it home. not being able to actually tell someone and instead having to indirectly imply it is also something people can relate to.

The Entertainment’s Here: if someone were to ask me what song i feel embodies who i am, it would be this song. the alarm part really called me out to be honest. being someone who hyperfixates on things alot, this song is about being bored and starting to think about things way too much and getting bored but then content (in this case, entertainment) is available and i use it as a distraction. “you don’t even gotta use your brain from here” is the most hard hitting line for me. this song embodies the human experience, because it’s about needing to be distracted constantly which is how life is now.

Karma: This song is just.... beautiful. i love how the song is from the point of view of someone at a therapy appointment, because that is something alot of people will be able to latch on to and feel really close to home. another thing people will relate to is doing your best for as long as you can, but not getting any good karma in return and getting gradually frustrated. The callback to 100 Bad Days really hit hard, because it ties the songs together. One, about pushing through everything life throws at you, and the other, about being wound so tightly and straining from said pushing through and never getting a break. The outro of the song is another thing that is going to resonate with so many people. “the universe works in mysterious ways but im starting to think its not working for me” is the summary of it.

Beats: This song reminds me of Im Not Famous, cause it’s about the moral argument of selling out/not selling out. this song is very human to me because it has the recurring theme of being afraid of being forgotten/left behind/fading away. It also gives me Come Hang Out vibes cause of the end.

Wow, Im Not Crazy: This is another song that i think its the epitome of the ‘human experience’ because hearing someone else confirm that youre not alone in something you think is weird about yourself is such an amazing feeling that i feel was captured perfectly in this song. the tone is perfectly reflective of the feeling you get when you hear someone say something you’ve been thinking about forever.

Dear Winter: I have almost no words for this song. The first time i heard this song, i was having a really bad day, some of friends were out together without me, but i watched the video and listened to the song on repeat and things were a little better. The idea of planning your life and skipping over certain parts you can’t actually plan is so relatable, and i think that it says alot about us as humans. It’s in our heads from the beginning that we have to have a plan and we have to know what to do, but sometimes thats impossible and we can’t, so we don’t, and we hope instead. and i think this song reflects that beautifully.

Finale (I Cant Wait To See What You Do Next): The way this song echoes the first track but is still it’s own song is so beautiful. I also love how both songs are reminiscent of old movies or old shows that you would go and see in a theater, but theyre still new (hence neotheater!!!) “They wanted heaven from me, i gave them hell” is so powerful on it’s own, because it is about expectations piling up and just exploding and throwing them off. this song really does a good job of communicating that message. There’s also that little feeling of being behind and overwhelmed after such intense expectations that the song does a perfect job of putting into words and music. It also brings a little of the Peter Pan factor back, talking about not wanting to be forgotten or left behind. being welcomed to the neotheater at the beginning and the end was my favorite little detail in this album.

Overall, this album is an emotional rollercoaster. there are songs that make you think “hey, how did you get into my head?” Theres songs that you listen to get pumped up, songs you listen to to cry, songs you listen to to smile, and much much more inbetween. Overall, this album is about the Human Experience and the things we don’t talk about but always think. Congratulations on your bit of success! welcome to the neotheater, we can’t wait to see what you do next.

[annabethisterrified]

Book Review: THE BURNING MAZE (The Trials of Apollo #3) by Rick Riordan

There are no spoilers unless you click ‘Read More’!

California is burning. After shutting down the oraclic sites in New York and Indiana, Apollo (aka Lester Papadapaulos) and Meg McCaffrey team up with Grover Underwood to find the source of the burning maze, a morphed portion of the Labyrinth where the third oracle is trapped. Along the way, they must work with demigods Piper McLean and Jason Grace to figure out how to navigate the twisting, smoldering maze.

But the third emperor of the evil Roman Triumvirate makes Nero and Commodus look pathetic. With the stakes high and their world burning, Apollo and his friends must put out the flames before they devour everything. 

In classic Riordan tradition, this third installment amps up the drama and danger. With dark and mature themes, the lighthearted aspect of this series begins to dwindle away as real consequences and devastating decisions wreak havoc upon Apollo, Meg, Grover, Jason, and Piper. The Burning Maze is a cinematic, heartbreaking adventure that elevates the stakes and leads us to the grittiest part of The Trials of Apollo. Once again, this book proves that this third series is not a spin-off or separate from Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Heroes of Olympus; The Burning Maze proves that The Trials of Apollo explores the loose ends and lingering fears the first two series laid out. A must-read for any fan of Riordan’s mythological mayhem. Just, uh, grab some tissues first.

SPOILERY COMMENTARY BELOW!

Heyyyy there! So seriously, massive spoilers ahead. You sure about this? Okay. Also, I gotta break this down into chapters. It’ll be the only organized part of this, trust me.

1. That Fun Five Letter Word...Starts with D! 

2. The Devolution of Jasiper

3. Apollo’s Arc

4. What Comes Next...?

5. Miscellaneous Sobbing

-----

CHAPTER ONE: THAT FUN FIVE LETTER WORD...STARTS WITH D!

I am not okay. Like, really not okay. Granted, I’m writing this review less than thirty minutes after finishing, so maybe I need more time to process what just went down but....damn. Like, my stomach ACTUALLY HURTS. I AM IN PHYSICAL PAIN BECAUSE OF THE CONTENT OF THIS BOOK.

In a good way, you ask?

Uh. It’s hard to say. This book is tricky to review. I’ve had an easy, breezy time describing my feelings for all the PJO, HoO, and ToA books prior. But in The Burning Maze...everything changes. 

For years, a lot of us on here have lamented the fact that we felt Riordan’s books have lacked a degree of consequence. On the rare occasion that he did kill a character, he brought them back-- Jason in The Lost Hero, Hazel, Leo...I could go on. 

And it’s not that we’re bad people who want to watch our favorites perish! We just...well, if you keep bringing back dead characters, we start to lose the fear that a character’s death should instill.

I guess he heard us, then.

Because if you’ve read this book, you understand too-- there isn’t anything bringing Jason back. This was real. Final. (In his own words!) And that kind of hurts. A lot. But at the same time, as heartbroken and sick as I feel, this is what we’ve been asking for for a long time-- something that reminds us of what’s at stake. 

Something, I suppose, to make us remember that. (See what I did there?)

Now, I’ll talk more about this in Chapter Two because I have a lot of confused feelings, but I for one, when it was announced that Piper and Jason would be in this book, assumed it would be a joint arrival, if that makes sense? I wasn’t expecting the two of them to be starkly and individually portrayed and explored...and yeah, I gotta wait til the next section to talk about this. Back to Jason’s demise.

And yeah, this was spoiled for me. And yeah, it was my own fault, so don’t feel bad for me. Still, I didn’t know HOW or WHY he would die, so there was plenty of heartbreak for me to uncover along the way. I was mentally steeling myself for the first 300 pages of this book, dreading what I knew was coming, crying at nearly every scene he was in (which frankly, wasn’t many scenes!) and basically losing my damn mind remembering ceaselessly all the times we’ve had over the past what? EIGHT YEARS? Since Lost Hero came out? I’ve loved Jason since The Lost Hero...since I was TWELVE. I am now TWENTY. I watched him grow. I waited impatiently every year for the next HoO book to release. I watched him fall in love with Piper and expand his loyalties and grow stronger and wiser and end up with such a fitting duty-- pontifex maximus.

And today, eight years later, I watched it all get ripped away. 

And I’m torn, because I think in a dark way, this is an absolutely tragically beautiful arc for Riordan to explore and utilize in ToA. I think it was a long overdue and necessary decision that clarifies the real danger our characters should have been exposed to much earlier. 

But I really thought he was going to be okay after Blood of Olympus. I thought our Seven were safe. I had already imagined and accepted what their lives were going to be like-- I had imagined he and Piper’s kids, his job as pontifex maximus, everything that was going to unfold for him... I thought the great tragedy of his long, happy life was going to be not growing old with his sister, Thalia. 

And it was hard to have him brought back into the action just for half of a book, just to get killed so gruesomely, so violently...without even getting to say goodbye, a fact that Piper and Leo later lament. So am I outraged at this writing decision? Or simply as a loyal reader? I think it’s the latter. I am angry for Jason and the friends he left behind, but I also deeply respect this writing decision. It’s a weird balance, and my thoughts will likely evolve as I have more time to digest.

I don’t feel good thoughts about this book, but that’s not a negative on the story. I think Riordan knocked it out of the park. That doesn’t diminish the dread and devastation I feel as a reader who has loved Jason for eight years. As a reader who had happiness for Jason’s future, and as a reader who really, truly, thought it would happen. 

Then again, isn’t that the whole point? Demigods are never, ever safe. And now Apollo will always remember what it is to be human, because Jason did such a goddamn noble job of it. 

I’m proud of that boy, and deeply sorry for him. I’m gutted. I’ll miss him terribly. I just hope this arc is further explored and resonates in the final two books in this saga. I just hope it wasn’t for nothing, but I know it won’t be. 

Don’t get me fucking started on 

Coach Hedge: “I was his protector.”

Leo: “Where’s Jason?”

Goodbye, please see Chapter Five for more screaming!

CHAPTER TWO: THE DEVOLUTION OF JASIPER

Ironically, this somehow hurts me just as much as Jason’s death? Like...okay. Let me think of how I can articulate this, because I’m feeling a lot of things. 

First off, I (unlike many of us bloggers here) genuinely loved Jason’s character and his romantic pairing with Piper right from the get-go. It clicked for me. It really resonated, and I was fully supportive. I loved the strange dynamic of having this fake foundation, and watching it develop (seemingly) into something real-- something unique and strong, a soaring romance worthy for a daughter of Aphrodite. 

We didn’t see it happen on-page, but they were an official couple by The Mark of Athena and I was behind it 100%. They had rough patches that I guess were indicative of future problems, but they were easily swept aside by the larger importance of surviving their Argo 2 mission. I loved their tender, intimate moments in The House of Hades and The Blood of Olympus.

Truly.

So I was confused when they were broken up (again, something we don’t see happen on-page) in The Burning Maze. And being from Apollo’s perspective, we of course will never fully understand why this happened. 

Now again, I have to deal between looking at this from two perspectives. Am I upset at the author’s decision, or just as a really-passionate Jasiper shipper? Of course, my immediate thought was that one of them had broken it off to protect the other, probably thinking “oh fuck if one of us is gonna die in the maze, maybe I should break this off to avoid future pain”. But then jason goes and tells apollo that it was PIPER that broke it off well before the burning maze was even a thing and i’m like WATTTTTT

I’m still like WHATTTTTTT

So, I wait for Piper to have her heart-to-heart with Apollo. (Listen, I fucking LOVE Piper in this book. What a badass motherfucker. Holy fuck.) And I’m expecting her to give a concrete, selfless reason for breaking things off with Jason.

I wasn’t expecting her to have fallen out of love with him.

But the more Piper explained herself, the more I realized that I was just the type of secondhand observer that Piper had started to resent. Apollo put it succinctly: “Your relationship was born in crisis.” 

It really was-- beyond Hera’s meddling and Aphrodite’s hyperfixation, these kids were also in WAR MODE. That’s enough to stress anyone out. I hadn’t really stopped to consider what Piper was dealing with, as a daughter of the love goddess. How everyone expected her to have everything romantic figured out. To have a love story to rival Percy and Annabeth’s. How her first love must be the love of her life.

And the whole world-- and the whole pantheon-- was watching them and expecting it. Judging them, all the time. 

Like, yeah, girl. That’s a lot. I think I get why Piper did it, even if it broke my heart. That being said, I do wish that if Jason had lived, they eventually would’ve made their way back to each other and fallen in love for real.

But Piper was right. She deserved to forge her own identity, even with the world restraining her constantly. I wish I knew exactly where her feelings for him stood, but at least we know with certainty that she always considered him her closest friend. She clearly loved him so much, more than anyone-- even if it was a different type of love than the one they first shared.

Just because she’s Aphrodite’s daughter doesn’t mean she should have to fall in love so dramatically and eternally. That isn’t fair for her. Her first remark to Grover was cutting and clear-- Jason and Piper were never like Percy and Annabeth. 

And this is still hard for me to stomach, since I love(d) them together, but I am glad Riordan is exploring the much more realistic aspect to relationships. As someone in a long-term relationship, I can empathize with Piper’s fears. The world always wants couples to be “Percabeth”-- together forever, utterly known to each other. 

But the reality is, most couples are nothing like Percabeth. And that’s okay-- that’s normal, and as sad as that is, at least it was acknowledged and addressed and explored. 

It took away some of the sting of Jason’s death that I’d been anticipating. I thought maybe there would be some last-minute confessional, some last tender moment between them. There wasn’t. He was torn away so fast. 

I’m devastated that Piper has to live on without him. But she has her father, Hedge and Millie, Leo...she’ll be okay. She’s a fighter. Always was. 

It’s hard to see one of Riordan’s hallmark couples fall apart in a way you don’t expect. But I can’t say it’s not realistic, and it’s kind of relieving to see one of his romances take on the tough stuff and not fall into a sweeping, encompassing romance that is usually unrealistic. 

CHAPTER THREE: APOLLO’S ARC

YEESSSSS RIORDAN DONE GOOD ON THIS PART

Apollo’s narration and character has finally developed into someone I can truly empathize and sympathize with. As cool as it would’ve been to see some of these scenes from other character’s points of view, I was really happy to read through Apollo’s eyes. I love love love where his character is going.

God....him referring to Jason as ‘brother’...his obvious care for Meg...it got me good. I’ve always liked Apollo as a narrator, but this is the first book where I LOVED IT. He’s set on a good path! He’s still funny, thank goodness, but there’s also a darker, wiser grace to him now that gives the story a more serious edge that will definitely help the books moving forwards.

I can’t believe he tried to kill himself to save the others. Ugh. What a guy. 

Love him!

That is all.

CHAPTER FOUR: WHAT COMES NEXT...?

So, I did a big happy dance when the next prophecy was revealed....REYNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE REYNA OH MY GOD WE GET A WHOLE BOOK WITH HER I’M PSYCHED FOR THE TYRANT’S TOMB 

But beyond REYnA!!!!! and Camp Jupiter????? I don’t really know what to expect for this fourth installment. I imagine we’re going to Delphi for the final book, but sticking to the Bay Area for The Tyrant’s Tomb??? 

I’m like...extremely apprehensive because a lot of people are predicting that Apollo and Reyna are gonna fall in love?????????????????????? like what with her final prophecy: no demigod shall heal your heart

umm. first off, reyna could do WAY better. But like...is this actually gonna happen? UHHHHH????? Guess I have a full year to think on this one hmmm

CHAPTER FIVE: MISCELLANEOUS SOBBING

soooooo i’m like kinda numb kinda devastated kinda in love with this book kinda wanna throw it against a wall

Like, okay, I recognize that as an author Riordan did an excellent job writing this book and I am so excited to see what goes down next.

BUT ALSO I HAD BEEN IMAGINING THIS DREAMY REUNION SCENE BETWEEN LEO/PIPER/JASON AND THEN IT HAPPENED EXCEPT JASON WAS IN A COFFIN??????????????????????????????????????????? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ALSO CANNOT BELIEVE PIPER IS MOVING TO OKLA-FUCKING-HOMA i mean actually I’m really happy that she’s finding her roots and that she’s taking some well-deserved family time and that coach hedge is with her but also I WISH SHE WAS WITH HER CHB AND CF FRIENDDDSSS

at least it’s kinda close to Indianapolis?

jesus christ

Anyway, I really loved Piper in this book-- my queen, my crush, my...oh my god i just love her she’s a fantastic character and i really hope she’ll come back somehow for the final battle

I’m also happy that Grover gets to go back to CHB and see Percy and Annabeth again! Yay!!! And I’m happy that Camp Jupiter hasn’t burned down to the ground yet! Yay!!!!!

In conclusion, I will grieve Jason Grace forever. But damn, what a book. See you next spring, demigods. 

PLEASE MESSAGE ME TO TALK ABOUT THIS IF YOU’VE READ TBM I NEED TO CRY MORE

[leaveharmony]

It's sad how you've allowed these white men take over real estate in your heard mortgage free. You used to be really cool before you allowed your bitterness to take over. I've unfollowed you and am probably going to block you because while i respect that you don't have to like any one you constantly shitting on people just because you dislike it is sad and seeing as my life is hard enough I don't need your negativity in my life.

Um...Ok?  And you should?  If my TIDAL WAVE OF NEGATIVITY AND BITTERNESS during the maybe 7 seconds per week I'm forcibly reminded that whoever it is you're talking about exists outweighs whatever it was that caused you to bestow the honour of "really cool" on me in the first place then godspeed, nonners.  Go seek your bliss.I'm not...sure why you feel the need to tell me this tbh, as the tragedy of being Deemed Uncool by an anonymous stranger who's never interacted with me in any way is a comparatively minor one, but if the acknowledgement makes you feel better about it than I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.Farewell, follower number...uh...follower who had a number probably, idk I don't know how many I have.

------

All clowning aside though, I genuinely don't understand why someone would send a message like that.  And I had no idea how to respond to it...or if I should.  If they're looking for attention, isn't that just giving them what they want?  But then...if I ignored it, would that make them send more?  Can you block an anon?  I have no idea.  For the terrible crime of vocally disliking certain popular wrestlers in her own space, I've literally seen people spend over a month relentlessly harassing a friend of mine in the most vile and vicious manner, while the person that triggered it all egged them on and laughed about it.

So...I never know what to do.  Probably it wouldn't lead to anything that bad, but how do I know?  If they've been around since I was “really cool” (I'm sorry, that's still funny.  I've never been cool in my life) then they'd know I'm seeing a therapist.  They'd know I have pretty crippling social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression.  Were they trying to set it off?They did, actually - messages like that always spike my anxiety badly when I see them.  Heartrate went right up, stomach sank.  It isn't the content so much as the intent, you know?  Random message out of nowhere RE hey I think you're awful: what's the point of that?  Why take the time?Is that what they were trying to do?  Somehow...get me to correct my fiendish refusal to *looks at smeared writing on hand* um, tailor my space to their exact specifications?  Did they unfollow me a few days ago and get frustrated when I didn't mention it (or indeed, notice)?  Were they looking for attention?  Validation?  Just acknowledgement?  I don't keep any track of how many followers I get tbh, except to check that new ones aren't porn bots.  How many people are here or why doesn't affect my life in any way.

It's...I don't wanna use the word triggering, necessarily.  But like.  As I say...if they've been here however long, they know I have anxiety.  They know I live in an active abuse situation.  They know I get extremely defensive over my space bc I've got a history of people coming into my spaces both real and virtual and taking things.  My father's sold or given away or thrown out or destroyed my things on more than one occasion, once or twice while I literally sobbed and begged him not to.  That time it was a doll cradle.  I was maybe 6.  He sold it to a lady for five dollars while I cried in the driveway.When I got home from a school trip to New York one day, I came into my room to find he'd been in here and rearranged all my furniture even up to moving the bed from where I had it...and of course, he got furiously angry when I burst into tears.  I couldn't move the bed back, it was too heavy for me and I wasn't strong enough...and he wouldn't do it, so I just sat there sobbing hysterically until he finally came raging back in, shouting abuse and calling me everything under the sun, and moved it back.Imagine coming home exhilarated from a great experience to find out people you were meant to trust had come into your space without your consent or knowledge and reorganized everything in it, then had an explosion of temper because you weren't “grateful” they'd done it.  There's a reason I have a hoarding problem I'm just now trying to address, after decades of being terrified to let anything out of my sight lest it be gone when I go to look for it.  There's a reason I'm protective of my space.

This blog is my space.  I don't know what nonners thought I started it for, but it sure as fuck wasn't for anyone else's pleasure or interest; hell, some nights when I'm really plugging away I can churn out like 60 gif posts in a single sitting, and most of them end up with less than ten notes.  It's not for the attention.  Half of why I have alternate tags for wrestlers is so I'm not constantly clogging their tags w/ my nonsense - and I don't tag my hate at all, on the rare occasion I bother with criticisms.  You're looking at the repository of the hyperfixation I use to keep myself alive.  If other people enjoy it, that's super!  But at its heart, it isn't for other people.  

They wanna know about the white man who has real estate in my head?  It's my abusive piece of shit father, who has all but beaten the ability to express negative emotion at all out of me over a period of decades. 

Compared to him, some coward I don’t know from adam hiding on anon trying to chide me for occasional snarky comments about their faves looks like a pair of nail clippers next to a goddamn threshing machine.