#when the fuck does billy blame max for his mother leaving??

[pendinganchor]

i’m just minding my own business looking for a clip from stranger things via googling cause i don’t wanna deal with trying to find it in the episode on netflix and somehow i end up on billy’s mom’s wiki page and i’m sorry what

did i fucking miss something???????????

[camaro-hargrove]

They Don't Care About You

word count: 1.3k

-

He thought maybe people would like him. At the very least tolerate him.

Especially after what he did to prove himself worthy.

But Billy Hargrove does not get that luxury.

Instead he gets scars and a dad who abandons him as soon as he realised that Billy is not the same as he was before. He gets nightmares and a constant fear of not being in control. He gets fucking hand tremors and a brace to support his back and a fucking walking stick.

Susan tries, keeps him around because he pays most of the bills with hush money from the government because he’s too fucking disabled to live on his own right now.

He has to go to school to finish his senior year and all his friends have already graduated. People stare at him and it’s not like the staring they did before.

He can’t drive anymore, thinks even if he was able bodied enough that he wouldn’t because he sees crashing his car, sees Nancy shooting her gun at him while he tries to kill people. When he had no control.

Susan drives him and Max because she’s in high school now. She doesn’t look at him much and Billy gets it. He doesn’t like looking at himself much either. His hair is longer, the mullet growing out past his shoulders and he doesn’t really care much about his appearance anymore. His clothes are looser, baggier because he’s lost muscle while recovering and anything tight hurts and constrains him. Fabrics like denim on his shoulders are too rough so his beloved denim jacket stays hanging up.

“Thank you, Susan” he says every time she drives him as close as they can to the front door of the school. A fucking mantra that was drilled into him ever since Susan came into his life. He’d have said it regardless to be polite but the fact it was expected from his dad made him hate the phrase. She nods and drives off after Billy struggles to get out of the car.

He doesn’t use his walking stick much at school much to his doctors annoyance but he doesn’t want people staring at him even more. It’s why his limp isn’t getting much better and deep down the pain in his hips remind him of what he’s done and he deserves it.

Max walks ahead of him and doesn’t look back. Her friends stare at him during the hallways and track his every move like he’s going to snap and try to kill them again. He doesn’t really blame them seeing that it nearly happened even before he was possessed but maybe he’s always been possessed.

That there has always been something evil in him, something sinful, something that made his dad beat him every chance and why his mother left him. Maybe surviving everything he’s been through is punishment for something he was born with.

He sits in his classes, closest to the door but is always the last one to leave just out of convenience. It takes him a while to walk to classes so he’s always late and then once he’s in his chair, it takes him a while to actually get back up. His teachers don’t talk to him and give him glances out of the corner of their eyes, sometimes they make a move like they want to help him stand but he thinks that would be worse than not helping.

He used to be a great student, thought it was his only way out if he could get into college on the other side of the country. He was well on his way too but now he doesn’t try. He can’t concentrate anymore, the pain in his back from sitting with an uncomfortable brace hurts but then standing for too long also makes it hurt. His legs get tingly when he sits and these fucking headaches from the lights make everything worse.

He’s been forced to talk to the guidance counselor, someone who he has spoken to before when he first arrived in this hell hole of a town just to get an understanding of what kind of student he’s like. Back then it was smart, athletic, feisty and probably some sort of personality disorder that no one ever really thought to explore deeper. Now it’s quiet, disabled, not living up to his potential and still the same personality disorder that now is explored deeper.

These sessions are a waste of time, in Billy’s opinion. The counselor is nice, she is but Billy isn’t so they sit in silence a lot of the time. She tries to get him to open up about everything because everyone in this fucking gossipy town knows his dad took off and more specifically, why he took off. Billy doesn’t talk about his dad, changes the subject to the accident because it’s easier to make up lies when he still isn’t 100% sure of what happened in the first place. It’s still surface level shit, he was in an accident, he was impaled by falling debris, the fire burnt him, he saved a bunch of teenagers and that’s all he remembers. She takes notes and gives him cups of tea which Billy spills more than he drinks because of the fucking hand tremors but she never says anything, just silently places napkins and paper towel over the wet patches.

She asks if he still gets headaches when she sees him squinting and draws the blinds which he appreciates. Asks if he’s still getting nosebleeds when it slowly drips out of his nostril. He shrugs and she gives him some over the counter pill that doesn’t do shit.

The thing is he shouldn’t be taking these pills as much as he is. It’s just that the headache is constant and it never seems to go away. He gets trapped in his head and it hurts. Sometimes he sees his dad and sometimes he sees himself, himself when he was possessed by this creature he still doesn’t know what the name of. No one really cared to tell him what happened to him, just that something took over his body but he was still himself sometimes. He thinks that’s the scariest part.

Sometimes he hears clocks, he heard clocks in that other world too, when he saw a clone of himself and no one answered the phone. It reminds him of when his mum left and he was able to call her for a bit before the number was disconnected.

Chrissy dies, then Fred dies and Patrick too. He actually really liked spending time with Chrissy and Patrick. He didn’t really know Fred just that he was in a few classes but it’s still sad that he died in such a brutal way. He stays in the trailer and watches the news, Munson is apparently the devil and well that’s another thing they have in common. He pops a pill and falls into a fitful dream.

His dad is there, so is his mum. He saw her on the beach but this time she’s in Hawkins. He tries to run to her but seems to never get closer. The only person getting closer to him is his dad. His dad who towers over him like he always does, spits words of hate and tells him that no one cares about him. And it’s true isn’t it. His dad morphs into a creature of burnt flesh and a soulless expression. One with long fingers that reach towards him and he finds that he still can’t run and deep down, he doesn’t want to run at all.

He was supposed to die many times before. This is the one that sticks.

The clock chimes as it reaches the hour and Billy Hargrove is dead. His arms and legs snapped in unnatural angles with his brace bent out of shape. Blood drips from his unseeing eyes and if he was alive, maybe he’d see Max and her friends staring at his body on the floor of their shitty caravan. But they didn’t care enough to warn him in the first place.

[every-dayiwakeup]

Max hates makeup. Okay, hate is a strong word, but she's young and her stepfather (she'll be damned if she ever calls him Dad) has it in his head that every girl loves that gooey shit.

She puts on a fake smile as she opens up her Christmas present; another makeup kit. Her mother won't let her throw the growing mound of kits in her closet away for some reason. Marrying Neil changed her. Max can't quite put a finger on it, but Susan is different.

Speaking of acting different...

She feels the burn of her step-brother's intense glare searing holes into the back of her head, and whips her head around to glare right back.

It's then when she realizes that while she's still halfway through unwrapping gifts, there isn't a single one with Billy's name on it.

He huffs, pushing back his chair. "This has all been fun. Can I go now?"

Neil moves like lightning, grabbing Billy by the wrist and squeezing until he sits back down. "You will sit until your sister is done opening her gifts."

Susan looks away, eying Max as though she should do the same.

Billy mutters something under his breath.

Neil narrows his eyes in suspicion. "What was that?"

"She's not my sister." The way Billy says it holds none of the heat Max is used to. He sounds... resigned. Almost afraid.

One thing she could always count on was Billy not being scared of anything. To hear a slight tremble in his voice only makes Max grip her new skateboard tighter.

Neil slaps Billy in the face, and he just sits there, stock still.

Max suddenly wants to grip the asshole's neck until he chokes.

"Neil..." Susan starts.

Good. Mom'll speak up, right?

"It's Christmas."

Neil slaps Billy again, harder.

Billy's eyes never leave the meaty finger in his face, his bulky form shrinking before Max's eyes. He's never looked so small. So helpless.

"Did you hear your mother? You're ruining Christmas morning. Can't go one day without a screw up, isn't that right, Billy?"

Max's breath catches in her throat, her stomach lurching. Neil's words are eerily similar to what she's yelled at Billy before.

I'm gonna be sick.

Billy stares blankly at him.

Neil slams his fists on the table, spilling the orange juice all over the breakfast Billy woke up at the crack of dawn to fix.

Come to think of it, Max wasn't sure he got a wink of sleep. Yesterday he had been sent to take Max so they could pick out a tree. Susan and Neil went along for once, but they let Billy carry the tree to the car. When Max offered to help, Neil shot her down, saying it was "a boy's job".

Billy never got to voice his opinion on the tree.

"ISN'T THAT RIGHT!" Neil bellows in his face.

Susan jumps, otherwise making no movements to diffuse the situation. She refuses to look at Billy, who's sad, dead blue eyes seem to be screaming "look at me! help me!"

"Yes, sir," he replies solemnly.

Neil nods, satisfied, and starts humming "American Pie" as he turns his back on his son.

Max's dad never hit her. Did Neil hit Susan, too?

"Aren't you going to unwrap the rest of your presents, Maxine?"

Max grits her teeth into another phony smile and nods, practically vibrating with rage. She rips the holiday themed paper off each item, pretending she's ripping off Neil's flesh instead.

The sooner she finishes, the sooner Billy can go to his room, and she'll be able to breathe normally again.

******

She doesn't talk to him at all throughout the rest of the day. For once, she actually wants to talk to him. But what should she say? What does anyone say?

He avoids her like the plague, and she can't blame him.

Max can't even look at Susan when she passes her on the way to her bedroom after brushing her teeth.

Why didn't you do anything?

How long has it been going on?

How could I have missed this?

She prided herself on noticing everything. They live in the same house for fuck's sake!

She pops her head in his room, and she sees something odd; Billy's puckering his lips, putting on... cherry red lipstick. Eyelash curlers are on his vanity, too, right by his hairbrush.

He wheels around and he drops it as though burned. "Dont you fucking say anything, Maxine, I swear to God-"

"I won't, I promise," she says quietly, closing the door a little. "Do you... like makeup?"

He turns white with fear. "Fuck off, Shitbird." He points a warning finger in her direction, but she isn't scared.

Now she knows two secrets about her brother. He's not so bad. Nothing like his father.

"Good night, Billy." She doesn't have the heart to curse back at him. She does, however, skip the rest of the way to her room, grinning as an idea comes to mind.

*****

Billy knocks on her door, and she looks up from her comic book. Her smile falters when she sees the ruffled collar and purple bruise on his cheek.

"They left for dinner a few minutes ago. If you want to slip out, just... make sure to come back before midnight," he says hoarsely.

"I'm not gonna go anywhere, doofus."

Does he hit you when I sneak off?

"Whatever."

Max waits until he closes the door so she can put her plan into motion. She opens her closet, and the make up kits come tumbling out.

"You okay?"

"I'm good!" she hollers back.

Shes not sure what Billy's favorite colors are, or anything really. Hopefully this will change that.

She wraps a kit including eyelash curlers in red wrapping paper as well as black, pink and blue nail polish to match the eyeshadow. Taking the four presents in her arms, she goes to Billys door, and taps twice.

"You want something to eat?" he asks gruffly.

"Yes- I mean- no." This isn't the Billy she knows. A stranger is in her house, and it's painfully awkward.

"Make up your mind, then."

"These are for you." She holds out the packages, and he blinks at her. "For fucks sake, they're not bombs!"

"Wouldnt put it past you," he grumbles.

"I... don't hate you. Merry Christmas."

He blinks again, then he breaks out of his stupor, snorting. "Did you get me coal?"

"Nope." She taps her foot impatiently, biting her lip.

"Jeez, would you quit that?" He starts gently tearing the paper off, and his mouth forms a small O.

"You wear a lot of blue, and I noticed your curlers looked shitty, so-"

Billy sniffles, furiously wiping his nose with his sleeve, eyes cartoonishly wide as they take in the gifts with childish wonder.

Max nods, and closes the door on her way out, so he can have some privacy.

She'll tell him when they come back. He's looked after her in his strange way, and now it's her turn.

He knocks on her door two minutes later mumbling something about pizza and a movie, his version of thank you. Max finds she doesn't mind that much.

Tomorrow, she'll be carrying out plan B: tell Hopper what really goes on in the Hargrove Mayfield house.

For now, she's going to take advantage of watching Die Hard and eating pizza on the couch. The company isn't so bad, either.

****

@belovedharringrove

@gracethieved

@harringroveho

@ouizzyharringrove

@whoringrove

@harringrovetrashh

@m0isttoenails

@deedoop

@justan-0-t-h-3-r

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@billys-bitchh

@inchronicpain

@shipworm

@bowiebond

@phishyie

@prettybillycore

(Lmk if you'd like to be tagged❤️)

[sweet-villain]

I'll Be Missing You~ B.H 

Summary: Your mourning Billy still, visiting his grave and catching him up on things. One surprise leads you in tears but there is something else too.

Angst

m-rae23~ palomam18~eddiesprincess86~gloomybrieyxb ~hqtetsurou

You didn't plan to fall in love with Billy Hargrove, you tried and tired and tried to stay away from him. As much to Steve request too, it just happened. Billy set his eyes on you from the moment he stepped into Hawkins High School. He would smirk at your ball of energy. how sweet you were and how everyone always had something to say about you.

You broke through Billy's walls, he learned to trust you and he let you in. He let you see what Neil does to him, he tells you about his mother and he tells you one day he wants to leave Hawkins, go to California. He promised to take you with him, he promised to teach you how to surf and he promised to love you forever.

Those promises torn you apart when you watched the day he was taken away from you. You screamed as you watched him stand up the Mind Flyer. You ran to him when he collapsed, his blue glossy irises locked with yours. Max rushed to your side as she kneel down next to Billy.

" I'll take care of her. I promise" you take his hand in yours bringing it up to your lips.

" I'm sorry" he says. You watch as the light left his eyes, you let out a scream hugging his body. You wanted him back. You wanted to trade places with him. You lost the love of your life that day.

You remember it like it was yesterday and it still hurts, no one but you and Max mourned him. She wrote him a letter encouraging you that you should write him one too, after everything that has been going on.

You did. You wrote him a letter as it laid in your drawer for a bit.

You slowly walked up to his grave reading his grave stone. He never really liked being called William, you only called him that when he was in trouble or you were really mad at him.

You sit besides his grave with the letter in your hands but you put it into your pocket thinking it's best to just to talk to him, to the grave. That, maybe, just maybe it would help.

But your hands fall onto your stomach as you glance down at it then back at the grave.

" Hi Billy, it's me. Yeah, Y/N. You know, the love of your life as you would tell me. It's been so long since I've last seen you, I miss you so much. I've been doing the best I can for myself, I mean Steve comes in and checks in on me from time to time. He brings me groceries and tells me he'd patch things up with you if he could, for my sake. He knew how much I loved you.. I still love you. He watches how much I cry and he stays sometimes, just to hold me. Max is all grown up, I'm keeping my promises and looking after her. At first she blamed me for your death, she said I belonged in your place and it torn me apart because I thought of her as family. She is my family, Billy. You were my family, you were my everything, you were my light, yeah you had your moments, and I had mine but we promised each other that we would leave. We would be happy together" you licked your lips feeling the tears running down your cheeks as you took a deep breath in.

" Robin, you know Steve's friend. She's nice, super talkative and she has no filter whatsoever. I feel like you'd would of liked her, the other kids are doing good too" you sighed, shaking your head looking up at the sky.

" Fuck!" you grabbed a hold of your hair and tugged as more tears escaped your eye.

" God Billy, who am I kidding? I almost lost Max, I promised to look after her and I almost broke it. I saw the fear in her eyes and I didn't help her, I was selfish and I hurt her. But she's okay now, she knows I'm there for her. The gang is back to fighting new monsters yet again, a new monster called Vecna. God, I wish you were here right now. I miss you, I need you" you reached out to trace his full name with your fingers, sniffling.

" I'm scare Billy. I try to be strong for the kids, for Steve, for Max, for everyone but I can't do it.. I can't." You glance down at the ground, the grass as you brush the tears away with your hands, " I can't keep doing life with out you, Billy.. We can't"

You look at your belly, it was visible that you were pregnant.

" You would of made a great father, yeah Billy. We're going to be parents, I'm going to be a mom.." a hand clasped over your mouth as sobs leave.

Suddenly there was wind that blew your hair and made the leaves rattle around you.

" Y/N, baby" you heard. Your ears couldn't believe the voice you were hearing. The voice spoke again and when you looked up, just behind the grave it looked like a visible figure of your boyfriend staring down at you with tears in his eyes.

" B-Billy?" you asked. He smiled, nodding his head.

Your hand tries to reach out to touch him, but your fingers go through and you tries again but the same thing happens. You stand up from the ground to grab his arm but you can't. You aren't able to touch him.

" I need you" you tell him. He nods as his eyes drop down to your stomach. " You're pregnant" he says, he's shocked but he's happy at the same time. You can see it.

" Yes" your hands go to your stomach as you rubbed it.

"Baby" he calls out to you. You look up at him, he is in the same tank top and jeans that he died in but there is no harm to him, he looks like your Billy.

" Thank you for being the love of my life, for loving me, for taking care of me. Please look after Max, she really needs you. I know you're trying, tell Steve to keep you close too. He's alright. I know you want to be strong, but it's okay to ask for help. They all need you just like I needed you" tears ran down your cheeks.

" I want to feel you. I want to kiss you. Please.." Billy nods, as he sniffles. " I wan that too, baby. But I don't know how" his hand reaches out to brush away the tears that keep falling but he can't because he's not able to touch you.

That breaks your heart as you look at him. His hand goes down to your stomach.

" I'm going to make sure our little nugget will be okay. You'll be okay, baby. You're strong, you're my little warrior" You let out a chuckle.

" I will always love you, Billy Hargrove"

" I always will love you too, Y/N L/N." He leans down as he brushes his lips against your forehead, but you don't feel it and when you open your eyes, he's gone.

You have tears streaming down your cheeks, with a small smile on your lips as you hold your pregnant belly knowing that Billy was going to watch over you both.

You turn to walk back to walk to your car but not before turning around to look at his grave one more time. You blew a kiss to the grave promises him you'd come back within the next month.

[deedoop]

Let It Be

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

The first punch always hurts the worst. Never is quite numb like the rest that follows. Billy has taken many punches in his eighteen years of life, but these always hurt the most. "Why cant you just be a good son?" Neil spits as he speaks, it burns Billy's flesh in the worst kind of way.

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

He doesn’t fight back. Knows it’ll only be worse if he does. Max looks away, walks on by as Billy is pinned against the wall. He’s alone in this fight. Hes always been alone in this fight. The second punch never hurts as much as the first. He’s thankful for that.

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Sometimes the burn of alcohol hurts worse than a punch. The memories it sometimes carries. The feelings. Sometimes he hears his mother whispering in his ear. “Let it be Billy, It’ll be okay.” And he believes her, just for that moment. Like he always did. Like he did when she promised she would save him. Sometimes the alcohol puts him into a deep sleep where not even dreams can infiltrate. It leaves him numb, leaves him sitting there in his room for long hours staring at the ceiling, hoping he chokes on his own puke. Maybe than it’ll be okay.

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

Christmas has never been fun. Never been anything to Billy but broken promises and busted ribs. His head still hurts. Harrington had done a number on him. Max had done worse. Had he become his father? Had he become everything he hated? He cant help but stop and stare as Susan does Max’s hair. When Max stares back, his stomach feels like its churning. He cant help but walk away, walk away before he pukes. Walk to his father and silently help place plates on the dinner table. He wonder what he got this year under the tree, maybe another broken promise.

And when the brokenhearted people

Living in the world agree

The gang avoid him like the plague. He cant blame them. He wants to apologize to Steve, hates the way his face is all black and blues. Reminds him too much of his own face. Steve’s face feels like a mirror to his soul. Blacks and blues. The locker room of the Hawkins High gym seems to shrink around Billy, seems to grow dark and dim with a spotlight on Steve’s busted face. On his chest. His arms. “Why cant you be a normal son?” The fight that led to his imprisonment in Indiana. The crime of kissing another boy. Steve Harrington glares at him, dares him to make a move, fists clenched, eyes full of rage. If Steve Harrington decided to kill him? Billy was pretty sure he’d let it happen. He’d deserve it for being so cruel, for falling in love with another boy, for becoming Neil.

There will be an answer

Let it be

Billy knows what to do. Knows what he must do. Drink and fuck until his body kills itself, till nothing feels real. Till he can hear his mothers voice whispering in his ear. He squeezes his eyes shut. Hopes she comes soon, hopes she carries him away. Jason’s party is so lame, the snow of January falls in heavy blankets, covering his Camaro as the party continues. Steve Harrington is laughing, enjoying a smoke, enjoying his friends. Tommy Hagan keeps trying to talk to Billy, but he cannot hear him, cannot hear him over his want for his mothers voice, of the swirling of alcohol in his head, of the guilt in his heart. Steve Harrington is laughing with some girl, flirting his heart out, the smell of dope heavy in the air. When Tommy tries to talk to him again, he pushes past him without a word, walks behind Jason’s house and sits on the snowy porch steps. Wants to freeze, wants to heal the burn and sickness that brews in his heart. The guilt. The love. The pain. He tilts his head up to the cold sky, his breath visible in the air. He hopes his mother can hear him. Hopes she hates him as much as he hates himself. It’s what he deserves.

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

His mom was right to leave him. He knows that as he pukes his guts out the next morning, when his fingers shake and his head feels ripped open. Knows that as Max avoids him. Knows that as Steve’s face heals. Knows that as Neil breaks his knuckles on his teeth. He hopes she has a good life. Hope she has forgotten about him because one of them needs too forget. Max is a child. He can’t blame her, cant hate her, for just trying to survive. For just trying to be a child. How is she going to stop Neil Hargrove’s rage or his own self destruction? Yet there is a knock on the bathroom door and when he opens it, a water bottle sits. He isnt quite sure how to feel about it but he takes it and slumps down, hopes he either dies or feels better before Neil gets hope. He cant afford another broken lip.

There will be an answer

Let it be

He has let his rage go on so long he doesn’t know what to do when he feels nothing anymore. When all he can do is stare into space and think of the thoughts he was too scared to say aloud. When no more tears come to the surface, when no more rage or anger explodes, when all he is, is nothing. He wont become Neil, cant become Neil because his mom is whispering in his ear. “Billy, i’m proud of you.” He’s sure its the dehydration, the lack of eating, the lack of sleep. He hears his mothers voice and it breaks his heart and kisses it better all at once. He apologizes to Max first, goes to her room after dinner, when Neil is asleep, when Susan pretends to be. He sees her tense up, sees her anger, her hurt. “Max.." And he knows no words can truly solve the hurt that he has caused. That she had caused. That they had caused. The wedge Neil had driven. He promises to be better. Promises mean shit. Even he knows that. Its action that means something. He hopes they can be better. When he drops Max off at the arcade, she pauses, stares at him a long moment. “Thanks..Billy.” And next is Lucas who reasonably doesn’t forgive him. He wouldn’t forgive himself. He just hopes he can prove himself and have his mom be proud of him again.

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

He goes to the mall, drops Max off, theyd been better as of late, listened to her whisper about Lucas, told her she couldnt ever tell Neil, to never bring him to the house because the neighbors would gossip. He doesnt want her to ever have the need to be numb, to hurt. He listens to her miss California, listens to her miss her father. “Be safe.” Billy grunts, he has his own motivation to be here. Not for cute girls or buying new earrings. But Steve. Last night, Max had apologized for drugging him. How fucked is that? How fucked was their life? How much had they ruined of what couldve been with anger? How much had he ruined? Only thing he could do now was try and be better. Somehow. So now he was here for Steve. Steve and his sailor costume, Steve and his eye rolls, Steve and his stiffening body as Billy walks in. Once more, Billy cannot blame him. “Two scoops of chocolate?” Billy offers, trying to smile. It comes off forced. “What? No threats Hargrove? No telling me to plant my feet before kicking me to the ground?” And Billy almost runs out. Almost cant do this. “I didn’t understand what was happening that night. I’m still not sure I do but we..I..I took everything out on you and..” His words stumble out like a million miles an hour. He isnt sure if hes apologizing for beating him up or fucking with him or- but Steve holds his hands up. “Quit it Billy. It was..a weird night and..just forget it. Max said you’re actually trying to be better. Just..water under the bridge.” And Billy laughs, really laughs. He never thought Steve the dork Harrington would be so..forgiving. “See you later sailor boy.” He doesn’t miss how Steve blushes.

Shine on 'til tomorrow

Let it be

He’s going to be better. Going to be the brother Max deserves. He’s not going to be his father and if he loves another boy so be it. Where else can his father run too? They already live in the middle of nowhere but at least nowhere has Steve who laughs at his jokes and laughs at his words and ices his cuts and bruises. Steve who he gets high with. Steve who believes him. Max who teases him about it. Max who knows too much and makes him blush. Max who sits in his room and blabs for hours about Lucas, about music, about Kate Bush. He can be better. He refuses to be numb any longer. 1986 was going to be his year.

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 5

Kids

Read on ao3

-

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. She’s going to Morocco.”

There was something in Steve’s throat, making his voice waver and sound reverent at the same time. 

“She’s going to Morocco.” Billy pressed his hand down Steve’s back, dragging his fingertips along his skin, surprisingly smooth and soft. 

Steve had his head on Billy’s chest, their bodies stuck together uncomfortably with sweat, but neither of them could be assed to move. 

They were wrapping up their little movie night, Almost Famous playing to a close on Steve’s laptop, perched on the kitchenette counter, just where they could see it from the bed. 

“Okay, that was really good.”

“I fucking told you. My mom showed me that movie when I was, like, eight. Shit changed me fundamentally.”

Steve shifted his leg a little bit but stayed silent. Billy could feel his muscles tensing uncomfortably.

“What?”

“What what?”

“I can tell you’re tense.”

“I just,” Steve sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention your mom before.”

“Yeah. Don’t really like talking ‘bout her.”

“Did she, you know ?”

Yeah. Billy did know. 

“Nah, she didn’t die. She left. Not long after that movie night.”

Steve’s head popped up from where it was rested on Billy, giving him those big fuckin’ eyes looking sappy and sad as all hell. 

“I’m sorry.”

Billy didn’t know what to say to that. 

He doesn’t tell people about his mom. About her lovely life that she’s built without him in it. 

It breaks his heart just to think about. 

“She’s got kids now. A husband.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m just. Sorry.”

“I don’t know what I want to hear. But yeah. T’sucks.”

“You wanna know something that makes me sad? So we’re even?”

Billy huffed a laugh through his nose, bringing his hand up to tuck some of Steve’s messy hair behind his ear.

“Only if you wanna tell me.”

“Remember how I said I was supposedta get my high school diploma soon? Well, by soon I mean, like, maybe within the next few years.” Steve wasn’t meeting Billy’s eyes, and he put his head back down on his solid chest, his shoulders tensing up around his ears. “I never went to school. Not even when I was little. I’ve had the same tutor on the road since I was a kid, and he’s good. Tries his best. I just. I’m- not good . I’m not smart. You need to pass this test to get your high school GED if you’ve taken an ‘ alternative route ’. Like I have. But I can’t take it until I know the shit that’s on it, and my tutor, Scott, he’s too nice. Says I’m okay. That I’m on track. But I saw the program he teaches from. Says it’s for ninth and tenth graders. I’m nearly nineteen, and I’m in fucking ninth grade .”

Oh fuck. 

Oh fuck . 

Billy’s 98.6% sure Steve is fighting back serious tears right now. 

It was crushing Billy’s soul and making him feel like he was gonna join right on in.

But for how much Billy is a goddamn little crybaby, he sure is useless when other people start crying.

“It’s, Steve- that’s not your fault. You’ve literally never gone to school. Plus, like, I’m sure you don’t do your tutoring like I did school. Five days a week for like seven hours since I was five or something. You’ve been. Busy. You travel around and do all these amazing things, and, and, you're not dumb. Your parents just chose to not put you in school and then got mad when that didn’t work out as planned. It’s got nothin’ to do with your brain.”

This is gonna sound shitty. 

And Billy really doesn’t mean it like that. 

It’s just, well. Billy didn’t realize Steve was so. Fucked up. 

Traumatized. Might be a less harsh word for it. 

Billy just never woulda thought, when he first watched Steve ride like a fucking expert, or when he first noticed him strutting around the grounds of the rodeo, that there was actually something really sad behind that denim and flannel. 

It made something in Billy’s gut twist and turn. 

Because he’s the exact same way. 

Because underneath the layer of carefully maintained hot muscle-head douchebag jock, there’s a really sensitive boy who was abandoned by his mother and gets regular hits from his father. 

He can’t really decide if being able to see through Steve is a good thing or a bad thing, though. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like a fucking baby over it. I never really talk about it, so I guess the bad shit just kinda all decided to explode out all over you.”

“Nah, Pretty Boy. S’okay. I’m used to bad shit.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“I meant it more in a bummer way, I guess.”

“I am sorry about your mom. It seems like you really loved her.”

Little bastard had brought it back around to Billy’s shitty baggage now. 

The gorgeous little dickhead.

“I do.”

And that’s probably the worst thing about it. 

All these years of feeling abandoned and forgotten. Of trying to make himself hate her, he still loves her so much. 

He is her. 

So much of himself modelled around the aspects of her he found most beautiful. 

The things, try as he might, he can’t help but love.

Billy felt Steve take a large deep breath on top of him. 

“Do you, like, talk to her much?”

“Nah. Should be getting a FaceBook message for my birthday next week. And then nothing ‘til Christmas. That’s how it goes with her.” She was literally the only reason Billy still kept his FaceBook account around. 

Mostly because when he was feeling sorry for himself he’d go over to her profile and peruse the album labelled “Family ❤️” until he felt worse. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizin’. Not your fault she couldn’t handle it all.”

“Was she really young, or something?”

“Yeah. It was a case of too young and her own shitty father giving her enough issues to make her wanna marry the first asshole that told her she was pretty.” He’s never said all of this out loud. 

But he couldn’t. Stop. Talking. 

“Then when he turned out to be a bigger dick than she imagined, she split. Basically fell off the Earth for a few years. Served my dad divorce papers out of the blue one day. Now, she’s got a family that doesn’t suck, and barely spares any thought for the kid she left down south. Not that I blame her.”

He does, and he doesn’t. 

It’s an odd situation. 

He blames Neil for everything, when he’s thinking clearly. 

He pushed his mother away with the same violence, the same painful rage he shows Billy. 

But he also blames her. 

She could’ve taken him before she scrammed. Could’ve fought for custody over him while she and his father met for Skype calls with their lawyers to settle the divorce.

Their split was easy, because she didn’t want anything. 

Not their house, not their belongings.

Not their son. 

“Wow. I thought my family was fucked up. Not to be rude, or anything.” Steve flushed, but he had the ghost of a smirk on his face.

“Every family is fucked up. Just in different ways.” 

“I guess you’re right. I should probably get my head outta my ass and quit bein’ so selfish, then.”

Billy smiled fondly at Steve.

“You’re not selfish. Just don’t got a lot of outlets, I assume.”

Steve nodded, and Billy understood. 

He doesn’t either. 

The only person he even considers close enough to vent to, is Max. And even then, he doesn’t tell her all of it. Not nearly any of it. 

She knows he’s gay only because she knows Neil’s a fucking homophobe. She knows he gets beat only because Neil does it in front of her. She knows his mom left only because sometimes Neil gets drunk and spits in Billy’s face that it’s all his fault she’s gone. 

But she doesn’t know that Billy agrees with Neil on that last bit. 

That maybe if he fought for her better-

Got in between her and Neil when he was goin’ in rough and hard on her down in the kitchen, instead of hiding under his bed with his hands pressed over his ears. 

He’s got no one to work through all this shit with, and by the sounds of things, Steve hasn’t got anyone either. 

And maybe that’s what they could be. 

For each other. 

Billy shook himself.

“You wanna start your movie?” He asked Steve, trying to redirect the evening back to their Favorite Movie Double Feature, and out of Billy’s Hopeless and Has Feelings territory. 

Because time was ticking down. 

And no matter how much Billy felt like Steve was the perfect compliment to his frayed and ragged soul.

Steve was leaving. 

Steve was always leaving. 

[hartigays]

“I’m in love with you." "Shut up and kiss me."

1. “I’m in love with you.”

4. “Shut up and kiss me.”

steve comes in from the cold with a shiver, knocking his boots against the doorframe to shake loose any remaining snow.

there’s a thin trickle of snot dribbling from steve’s nose, and he wipes it off with a gloved hand, sniffling. he doesn’t have to look in the mirror to know that his nose is red and chapped after the hours he’d spent outside clearing the traps.

“we get anything good?” hopper asks. he’s squatting by the fireplace, tossing some logs and sticks into the flames.

steve brandishes the belt of rabbits and squirrels he’d collected, smiling. “we did pretty good, all things considered.”

joyce is the first to jump up, examining their kill with a gleeful smile. it’s been a few weeks since they’ve gotten this much in the traps, and they’re in dire need of protein. steve wants to strip a rabbit clean and roast it over the fire to feed el right then and there, her sunken-in eyes concerning him more than anything.

“good thing, too,” joyce says, sighing happily. “we need it. help me in the kitchen, will ya, hop?”

the two disappear into the kitchen, and steve makes his way into the living room, crouching down by the fire to warm his hands. the kids are gathered around under an assortment of blankets; el is curled into max’s side, and will his mimicking their position with mike. dustin and lucas are huddling for warmth as well, curled up under the same flannel blanket.

“we eat tonight?” el asks, fixing steve with inquisitive eyes.

steve nods, leaning over to ruffle her hair. “sure are, kid.”

it’s been over a year since the world went to shit, every corner of the earth crawling with the living dead. they still aren’t sure how it happened, but they’ve managed to adapt as best as they can as a group, under the circumstances.

steve has been thankful since day one that he’d been with the party when this shit went down, rather than home alone in his big, empty house.

joyce and hopper had been holding a family dinner when the world basically ended, so steve had been in the company of them, all the kids, nancy, and jonathan when the first of the flesh-eaters staggered its way onto the porch. el had taken care of it quickly, but it was the first of many.

after that, they’d stayed at the byers house for as long as they could, but it’d been a matter of time before they’d needed to go on the move in search of food. along the way they’d come across robin and heather, trapped in robin’s house with the rotting corpses of her parents.

it hadn’t been more than a few days after picking them up, everyone parked in their cars in a vacant lot trying to ride things out, that a herd had passed through. the group had fought with all their might, but they’d been hopelessly outnumbered.

that is, until one crazy motherfucker with enough firepower to rival a small army came blazing through, blowing the head off of anything that had once been dead and since came back to life.

and that motherfucker had been none other than billy hargrove.

billy had survived the first wave of flesh-eaters by letting them overrun his house, using neil as bait. steve hadn’t asked too many questions about why billy had been so comfortable using his father as a tasty snack for the living dead; he’d met neil once or twice, he didn’t need to ask.

and one good thing about neil was his tendency to stockpile weapons. which, in any other situation, might not look so good. but in these times, it was nothing short of a blessing.

an unfortunate casualty of billy’s neil-turned-zombie-snack plan had been susan. according to billy, he’d tried his hardest to get her to leave with him and max, but she’d refused to leave neil’s side. even after neil turned into a flesh-eating monster, trying to rip her head off, susan had declined to leave her home.

it was only a matter of time before she became dinner for a pea-brained flesh-eater. billy had to pull max away as she kicked and screamed, initially not wanting to accept her mother’s fate. but it was too late - the moment susan had gotten a chunk ripped out of her neck by the thing that had once been her husband, max stopped fighting.

it’d only been a few days later that they’d swung in and saved the party’s collective ass, staving off the now near-inevitable fate of every living creature on this planet. that fate being the inevitability of being torn apart by flesh-eating monsters, only to be reanimated as flesh-hungry monsters themselves.

now, the group is holed up in a dilapidated home that had once been a bed and breakfast of sorts, just trying to ride this shit out without losing their heads. and they haven’t lost anyone yet, by some miraculous stroke of luck.

that isn’t to say that they don’t worry every day that each hour might be their last. but they’re thankful for the small things.

steve acknowledges this now, as he appraises the group of kids before him. although they’re more like teenagers now, having grown up far too fast during all of the chaos.

el opens up the blanket she’s sharing with max, gesturing for steve to come get warm. he accepts her invitation gratefully, curling up under the blanket as another shiver runs through him.

“cold,” el says, her eyes meeting steve’s. she has a hand covering his icy fingers, her brows furrowed in concern. “too cold.”

“don’t worry, kid. i’ll warm him up.”

the voice comes from the hallway, and a moment later billy appears at the threshold, leaning against the doorframe with a toothy smile.

steve can’t help but roll his eyes, even though his stomach does a little flip-flop. el’s eyes flit between them, her brows coming even closer together in confusion.

“ugh,” nancy groans from the kitchen. steve sees her shoot billy a disapproving look. “keep it in the bedroom, hargrove. there are kids here.”

“hey, we’re like, old now. we know what sex is!” dustin protests.

steve chokes on his own spit, his cheeks heating up. “we are not having sex! i don’t even - that’s not even - i can’t believe - that’s just - it’s just. it’s wrong - we don’t even -”

billy gives steve a look, his brows raised, and it effectively cuts off steve’s rambling protests. because, okay, it’s not like billy is wrong, per se. steve has seen billy’s dick more than his own in recent weeks. but really, can anyone blame him? like, it’s the end of the world, for fucks’ sake. it’s not like he has many options to choose from.

and it doesn’t help that billy is, like, disgustingly hot, even after having not showered in months.

maybe steve is just weak. or maybe he’d thought about riding billy into the sunset more often than not before the world decided to go and practically spin off its axis. either way, he doesn’t hold himself solely responsible for having fallen into bed with billy the moment billy had used a cheap pickup line when steve had taken a few too many sips of toilet wine, and had stayed there ever since.

steve heaves himself up off the floor, scuffling over to billy to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. “quit it. they don’t need the details.”

“but i like the details,” billy protests, though it’s more to be annoying than to actually argue.

billy tugs steve in by the lapels of his coat, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. steve can’t help but smile into the kiss, his heart doing little somersaults in his chest.

“you did good with the traps,” steve tells him, bumping their noses together. “got enough to last us ‘bout a week.”

“told you they’d work,” billy says, sticking his tongue out. “and you said i was too much of a city boy. better pay up, princess.”

steve rolls his eyes, despite the fact that he’s pulling billy in closer. “i stand corrected. happy now?”

“ecstatic.”

billy leans in for another kiss, but steve steps back with a cheeky smile, backing into the kitchen despite billy’s disbelieving look.

steve helps joyce and hopper strip and clean their kill, stringing up most of it above the fire to form jerky in the smoke. the rest they cook up for their evening meal, finally having enough food for everyone to go to bed with a full stomach.

later, after a long evening spent laughing and eating around the fire, the group turns in for bed, sated and full. steve offers to take on cleanup duty for the evening, so he’s the last to make his way to his room, trudging up the stairs with an armful of blankets.

billy is already laying in bed, lounging in nothing but sweatpants, cocooned in their comforter. they’d originally shared a room with nancy and jonathan, but the two had switched to bunk with robin and heather once they realized billy didn’t care whether or not they were present when he wanted to get laid.

it’s not like steve really cared either - billy is tight and warm and all the things steve wants to bury himself into after a long day of trying to survive. and it can’t be said that billy isn’t a giver either - he has a dick and he knows how to use it. steve can attest to that fact. he’s experienced far too many days of not being able to walk straight to say anything less.

and billy’s appetites aren’t anything steve can complain about, because they now have a room to themselves. which is nice for reasons other than being able to pound each other into their mattress. they can stay up late whispering to each other, talking about the future and their dreams and how they feel.

turns out billy isn’t just busting it open for steve’s monster dick. he’s after steve’s heart, too, and steve is more than happy to give it to him. despite billy being an absolute tool in high school, he’s turned out to be a soft-hearted romantic in the midst of the apocalypse.

“you’ve gotta stop alluding to our sex life in front of the kids,” steve says as he crawls into bed, having changed into a warm set of flannel pajamas that he’d grabbed from a wal-mart on one of their many food runs.

billy just looks at him, his blue eyes big and innocent. “but how else will everyone know you’re mine?”

steve snorts, snacking billy’s bare shoulder. “i think you’ve made that abundantly clear. seriously, hop is gonna force us to sit down with him and have ‘the talk’ if you don’t cut it out.”

“sounds sexy,” billy says with a wink, and steve can’t help his cackle. “‘sides, they said it themselves. they’re not kids anymore.”

“it’s still weird,” steve groans. “and you act like they don’t hear us railing each other nine times out of ten. the walls here are like paper.”

“railing each other, huh? i don’t believe you. i think we need to test that out to see if that’s actually what we do.”

steve shoves billy with a groan that’s half a laugh. “oh my god, you’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“only for you, sweetheart,” billy tells him, tongue poking out between his teeth.

“shut up and kiss me, asshole.”

billy normally would challenge steve given the insult, but not tonight. instead, he rolls over, tugging steve in and sealing their lips together with a contented sigh. steve isn’t sure if it’s because he’d been gone for hours clearing the traps, or if billy is just in a cuddly mood, but steve certainly isn’t complaining. he just kisses billy until both of their lips are swollen and bruised.

it’s when they break apart that billy fixes steve with a wide-eyed stare, his chest heaving a little. “i’m in love with you.”

steve’s heart feels like it stops in chest, and his mouth pops open in surprise. “wait, seriously?”

it’s not what steve means to say, but it’s not innaccurate. he is in disbelief, just a little. billy looks kind of self-conscious, his eyes drifting up towards the ceiling. he rolls onto his back, putting some distance between them.

steve reaches out and catches billy’s hand, threading their fingers together. “hey, i didn’t - that’s not what i meant. i mean, i love you too. i thought that was obvious.”

billy’s head snaps over to look at him, his eyes narrowed. “yeah? you’re not just saying that ‘cause i’m the only hot piece of ass left within a fifty-mile radius?”

“you were the only hot piece of ass within a fifty-mile radius before the world ended,” steve mutters, his thumb rubbing across the softness of billy’s skin. “i mean, seriously. i didn’t need the dead to rise up for me to know that.”

“oh,” billy says, and steve can see him chewing on the inside of his cheek. “thought you were only in it ‘cause you didn’t have any options left. y’know, nancy having ditched you for stalker boy and robin liking pussy and all.”

steve shoots billy a disbelieving look, snorting softly. “billy, you literally had me getting hard for you in the showers after basketball practice. doesn’t bother me than you’re not a girl, if that’s what you’re worried about. i fucked tommy when i was fourteen.”

billy chokes out a surprised laugh, and it echoes around the room. “you’re fuckin’ kidding me.”

“nope.”

“well, shit. thought you were straight as an arrow before all this,” billy says thoughtfully. “would’ve paid to see you fuck hagan. bet he cries when he cums.”

“nah, he giggles. which is somehow weirder,” steve laughs. “wonder if he’s dead.”

“dunno, saw him with perkins at the school when everyone was gathering there for that refugee camp they kept talking about. got overrun, last i heard,” billy says with a shrug. “maybe he made it out.”

“i hope so,” steve hums, then shrugs when billy gives him a pointed look. “he was my best friend once upon a time, you know. just ‘cause you’re jealous doesn’t mean i hope he’s dead.”

“yeah, yeah,” billy snorts, rolling his eyes. “can we fuck now? i need to get the image of you pounding hagan out of my mind.”

“why, that get you worked up?” steve teases, poking at billy’s cheek with his index finger.

billy just catches steve’s wrists in his hands and rolls him onto his back, straddling his hips and pinning him to the mattress. steve can’t help but giggle when billy leans down to kiss him, tangling his fingers in his curls when billy releases his wrists.

the world is a bleak place these days, but steve has carved out his own slice of happiness despite it. smiling into billy’s kisses, the warm weight of billy on top of him, grounding him, steve knows he’ll do whatever it takes to defend his little piece of paradise.

and maybe it’s not what steve envisioned for himself back when he was an idealistic teenager. but he’s not going to argue it. it’s not like they have much left to find joy in, after all.

steve will take whatever piece of it that he can get.

send me super sappy prompts!

[biillyhargroves]

you know what gets me right to my core is the idea of billy hiding his abuse from max not because he knows he’s supposed to (which, of course, he is, or there will surely be hell to pay) but because he’s embarrassed. because he doesn’t want to look weak in front of her. because he doesn’t want to give her any ammunition to use against him. because he’s afraid that if he pisses her off, maybe she’ll use neil to get back at him. 

so he tells her the bruising is from schoolyard fights. he blames bloody noses on basketball practice. he creates a laundry list of excuses. he keeps her at arm’s length, and when she’s around, he obeys his father to the best of his ability, because he’s not about to give neil any reason to humiliate him in front of max. 

but then they move, to a small house in a small town where escape feels unattainable.  it’s close quarters, and neil has a short temper, and it gets shorter when he’s stressed. what’s more stressful than moving? he’s edgy, and billy is edgy, and he can’t hide forever. one day, max finally sees. she isn’t supposed to. she knows she isn’t supposed to. she was supposed to be outside, playing with her skateboard, but she goes in the house for more duct tape because she wore down what was holding the board together. she steps inside and she hears neil yelling and she sees billy get shoved against the wall. for the first time since she’s met him, she sees him afraid. and he sees her. she wants to say something, to scream, to make it stop, but billy shakes his head. she sees neil’s shadow moving toward him and she runs before neil can see her. 

billy doesn’t come out of his room that night. his chair is empty at dinner, and neil isn’t talking. max doesn’t know what to do. has this happened before? she thinks it has. she thinks it’s happened for a long time. does her mother know? she can’t tell. but she can see that neil’s knuckles are cracked and bruising and it makes her afraid.

she sneaks into billy’s bedroom when their parents have gone to bed. he tells her to go away, but she doesn’t. she sits on the bed. he curses at her, tells her to fuck off, to get lost, to leave him alone. she doesn’t listen. she puts a hand on his shoulder and she asks if he’s okay and he realizes that this is the first time anyone has asked him that since he was a child. and maybe it’s max being kind to him, or maybe it’s how embarrassed he is that she saw what happened, or maybe it’s how exhausted he is, but he starts to cry. max doesn’t say anything about it. she just sits with him. she falls asleep on his bedroom floor and when her mother asks about it in the morning she claims she had a nightmare and didn’t want to be alone. 

and when he drives max to school the next day he won’t unlock the car until he threatens to kill her if she ever tries to mess with him. “what the hell do you mean?” she asks, and he says that she already knows. “you’d think i'd, like...sic neil on you or something?” she asks, and billy doesn’t answer but the look on his face tells her everything she needs to know and it breaks her heart. because yeah, her brother is a fucking asshole, and she’d be lying if she said she’d never wanted to punch him before, but that doesn’t mean she thinks he deserves to get the shit beat out of him by his own father. 

so she promises. she promises she won’t tell neil that she knows. she promises she won’t ever provoke him. and even though she and billy are still shits to each other - even though they still argue and fight and get on each others’ nerves, she starts to look out for him. she brings him leftovers when he’s hurting too badly to sit down to dinner. she brings him bags of frozen vegetables to help with split lips and bad bruises and black eyes. and when she finds out that her new best friend is the daughter of the police chief, she makes a plan to get billy out of the house, once and for all.

[shannygoatgruff]

Talk to Me

Stay Safe, Stay Home Writing Challenge: (Prompt #16 – Call me if you need anything)

Genre:  Romance

Pairing:  Modern Ivar x OC

Fandom: Vikings

Warning: Language/mild angst

Rating: M

Summary: Can an online relationship work in the real world?  Ivar and Cash are about to find out.

A/N:  So this is my first challenge.  What was supposed to be a one-shot has turned into a mini-series.  I’m having so much fun writing it.  I haven't written in about 10 years - my muses all went away when Dave Batista left WWE. Then one day, Alex Høgh Andersen showed up and all of my muses came back!  I’m so happy!

Please, note if you notice grammatical errors in the dialogues between characters, it’s because I write how people speak.  Any other errors may just be because I was careless...

Also, I’m writing the Lothbroks as Europeans speaking English. In my head, when they are together they are speaking Norweigan but when they speak English, it’s with their Vikings’ show accents.    

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

What the fuck am I doing?  No seriously, what the fuck was she doing?  

Cash didn’t do things like this.  Ever.  She had literally seen every episode of MTV’s Catfish and 90 Day Fiance (the original show, Abroad, and After the 90 Days). She was responsible, respectable, intelligent, reasonably attractive and she had just landed a job where she actually got to use her degree. This side of 25 was looking up for her. She wasn’t desperate, was she?  

She was going to feel so stupid when everyone rubbed it in her face that this “Ivar” guy didn’t really exist, or turned out to be something totally other than what he claimed. Although she had only told a handful of people about her trip, they had all filled her head with so much more angst that she almost canceled the trip four times in the last month.  Her mom was convinced that Cash was going to be kidnapped and sold into an Eastern European sex trafficking ring.  While her best friend just knew that Ivar was going to turn out to be a sadistic 65-year-old ex-KGB operative who hated Americans and only wanted to torture her like in that movie Hostel.  Even her younger brother tried to email Nev & Max to see if MTV could do an episode of Catfish Abroad and put her on blast for all of his friends to see.

Cash let out a nervous breath as she looked around the Austrian Airlines terminal. Her flight to Vienna was due to start boarding in a little more than an hour and there were still a lot of empty seats. 

She fidgeted in her chair trying to fish her phone out of her jacket pocket.  What she needed was mood music – Billie Eilish, although played in heavy rotation lately, wasn’t cutting it.  She needed mood music - something angrier... more upbeat.  Remi Ma or Joyner Lucas?  Why not both? She made a quick playlist, put it on shuffle, and bobbed her head to the music.   

No sooner did she feel herself getting lost in the beat, did the music stop and the phone ring.  With a slight eye roll, Cash answered the phone pleasantly, “Hey Ma.”

“Hey, honey. How you doing?”  Barbara Heath spoke to her daughter in a voice reserved for someone that might have just suffered a loss or been seriously injured, “You okay?”

“Yeah, Ma.  I’m fine.”

“You know, it’s not too late to come home, Shay.”  Cash cringed at her mother’s nickname for her.  All of her life, she had tried to get people to call her Cash, but her parents were still hell-bent on calling her Shay.  “No one would blame you.  I didn’t tell anyone you were going on your little excursion except your Aunt Margaret and Gigi.  You know they don’t think this is a good idea, either.  And you know your Daddy is still upset that you decided to go.”

“Ma, don’t.”  She slouched in her seat and looked up at the airport ceiling. “When I finished grad school, I told you guys I wanted to travel more. Everyone was fine with it then.  Now all of a sudden everyone is against me going…”

“We’re aren’t!” Barbara walked across the kitchen with her glass of wine and took a seat at the kitchen counter.  She didn’t want to start another fight with her daughter, but she needed to Cash to understand how dangerous this could be. “I just don’t understand about this going across the world to meet some boy. There are plenty of those here.”

Oh my, God.  “For the last time, I’m going to Vienna because I haven’t been back to Austria since undergrad.  While I’m there I’m going to meet up with one of my friends, Ma.”  

“Yeah, a friend you met on the internet.”

“Really?  I’m about to get on a plane and I won’t see you for weeks, and you want to do this now?  How about saying ‘Have a nice trip’ or ‘I’m proud of you for being so adventurous’ or something like that?” She tried not to raise her voice, but she could tell her frustration at her mother mixed with her own nerves about the situation was coming through on the phone.

Barbara sighed in defeat. “You got that stubbornness from your Daddy.”  She was relieved when she heard her daughter chuckle.  “You know, I’m proud of you.  And I want you to have so much fun!  This is going to be the best trip of your life. I just want you to be careful and know that I will worry about you. Let me know when you land, and when you get to your hotel, and when you meet this Ivar-boy.”  She was going to make a point to stop babying her as soon as she came back from Europe. “Just know that I love you.  Call me if you need anything.  Me and your Daddy will be on the first flight to come get you and bring you…”

“I love you, too Mommy. I’ll call you when I land.”  

When Cash hit the button to end the call, she noticed a WhatsApp notification on her phone.  She hadn’t even heard the phone chime.  She felt the smile slide across her face as she opened the app. 

Ivar was the only person who ever contacted her on WhatsApp.

_______________________________________________________________

“Ahh, Ivar, you will be fine.”  Ivar cut his blue eyes over to his brother driving the car.  “You will have fun.  You’ll see.”

He folded his arms over his chest, like a child, and returned his gaze out of the passenger’s window. “I am not a child, Bubbe. I do not a chaperone.”  He really hated being the youngest. His brothers always acted like he was completely incapable of doing anything on his own.  

“I know, brother.” Ubbe let out a soft chuckle and connected eyes with Hvitserk in the backseat through the rearview mirror, “Serk is not coming to chaperone. He is coming with you, to help you.”

“I do not need help, either.”  Ivar was sick of this fight.  He had been having it with his brothers for about a month now.  He was perfectly capable of traveling by himself, without Hvitserk’s assistance. “And why Serk?  He is the least responsible of us all.”

Hvitserk nodded in agreement from the backseat and smiled good-naturedly. He really didn’t give a shit what Ivar wanted to do.  All he knew was Bjorn was footing the bill for his trip to Austria with Ivar and he wasn’t about to turn down a free vacation. Women, liquor, food, and a hotel suite...all he had to do was carry Ivar’s bags and help him through the airport? It sounded like a sweet deal to him.

Ubbe shook his brother’s shoulder, “C’mon, Ivy.  I would come with you if I could. I have to work.”  He peeked over at his brother’s face, noting his anger looked something more akin to nerves.  “Besides, Serk will give you much more freedom than I would.  Who knows, you might really like this girl when you meet her.”

“It is not like that.” Ivar said quietly, looking out of the window.  He wanted to talk to Ubbe about Cash for some time now, but Ubbe was always so busy with work. Besides, he and Torvi had just had a baby. He clearly had more important things to think about than his little brother and his lack of experience with women. But, Ubbe was the kindest and most level headed person he knew. What he wouldn’t give for some of his big brother’s advice right now. “We are just friends.”  Even if that’s not what he wanted, he was sure that’s all they would end up being.

“But there may come a time when you are not just friends.”  Ubbe tried to hide his smirk as he noticed the blush start to creep up Ivar’s neck and settle on his earlobes.  “What will you do then, hmm?”

“He will fuck her!” Hvitserk clapped Ivar on the shoulders and laughed.  

How far ways was this damn airport?  If Ivar didn’t get out of this car soon, he was going to grab the steering wheel and drive them off of a cliff.  “Please don’t leave me with him.”  He never asked his brothers for anything, but he made this plea to Ubbe with such sincerity. “I am going to kill him.”  

After Ubbe pulled the car into the parking space, he killed the engine and asked Hvitserk to get the bags while he talked to Ivar for a moment.  “So…you have told her?”  He waited for Ivar to turn around and look at him before he lowered his eyes to Ivar’s legs.  He sighed in disappointment when Ivar refused to meet his eyes.  “Ivar.”

“I never thought we would actually meet.” It was never really his intention to lie, but it really wasn’t a conversation he was sure how to start. Did he start by saying, ‘Hi I’m Ivar. I’m a Taurus and I’m physically challenged?’  “Then I started to like her and could not tell her.  I did not want to stop talking to her.  So, I came off like Bjorn.”

“Like an ass?”

Ivar shrugged.  “A little. She is American.  She likes that confident, arrogant type.”  Shaking his head at the mess he had gotten himself into, he threw his hands up in frustration.  “Ahh, it does not matter now.  We will meet and have fun as friends and that will be all.”

“But that is not all. You like this girl and it sounds like she likes you.  You need to tell her before you see her.”  Gripping his little brother by the back of the neck, Ubbe pulled gave him a brotherly hug.  “You have nothing to be embarrassed about Ivar Ragarsson.  Any woman would be proud to have you.”  Kissing him on the top of his head, he grumbled when Ivar pushed him away and got out of the car.

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[superw3nch]

dare to dream | Billy Hargrove

In which Billy Hargrove does the one thing he’s bad at; apologizing.

Taint

[noun]

•a thing whose influence or effect is is perceived as contaminating or undesirable

Billy Hargrove has done a lot of shitty things.

A lot.

So it should come to the surprise of no one that his first week in a new town, he’s managed to piss off almost everyone. But the thing is there was this one person. And he wishes he could take it back. Start over. Just prove. He doesn’t know what he’d prove, just.

He just has to try to get her not to hate him.

Which he doesn’t even know why it matters, it shouldn’t一it didn’t. But then, he doesn’t know when exactly, but he started to care. Care what she thought of him and Billy never cares一never hasn’t for a long time.

But something about the look she’d give him in passing times, it was just a quick glance but. He thought there was only one person in this entire world who could look at him like that. Like he was the devil reincarnated and he just couldn't handle it.

One person was enough. He didn’t need, couldn’t handle two hating him that much.

Which is why he is here doing probably the stupidest thing he’s ever done in his entire life. He is going to apologize to Charlie Sinclair and he’s going to hope she even bothers to listen.

He combed a hair through his hair one last time, It shook. He was nervous and fuck when was the last time that happened? Nervous was new, he’s been scared sure too much maybe but nervous? He didn’t like it. Made his stomach feel queasy and his palm sweaty. Whatever.

Just do this. Do this and maybe. Maybe, he doesn’t know. But it has to be better than nothing.

He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

It seemed chaos issued on the other side of the wooden door there were several voices shouting, loud but he couldn’t make out what was being said. Followed by thuds a lot of them then he heard the sound of the door knob turning. He put on his best warface一smile一 and he waited.

Only.

Only it wasn’t Charlie. Billy’s smile wavered as he looked down at the small girl who had just opened the door. She was young, younger than Max and he can’t remember the last time he’s been around a kid kid, ya know? Did Charlie have another sibling? Noone mentioned一

“Who the hell are you?”

Billy blinked.

Definitely her sister. The resemblance was uncanny now.

He recovered quickly, smile back in full force, but this kid didn’t even care. Of course she didn’t. “Um, actually I’m here for Charlie.” He stammered, the nerves were back.

She didn’t say anything for a minute, looked him up and down, scrutinizing him. Suddenly he was self conscious cause he thought he had worn one of his nicer shirts. But the look this kid was giving him made him feel entirely underdressed. She sighed once rolled her eyes, looked a lot like Charlie while doing it, and hollered.

“Charlie, your boyfriend is here!”

“I’m not一”

“How many times do I have to tell you Steve isn’t my boyfriend, twerp?”

If Billy thought this was a bad idea before the look Charlie was giving him, now made him wished he never stepped food on this stupid porch. As she approached him confused, truthly he still was too and he wanted to turn tail and run.

“Hi, Charlie.” He finally said and it all came out in one breath, which was annoying. But. It was something.

“Billy.” The smaller girl crossed her arms, leaned against the doorframe.

He gave her his best smile and she narrowed her eyes. He deserved that really. Could not blame her especially after what he did but it still. It made his chest tight. He swallowed once, his mouth was dry. Which was new.

“Look I’m not good at this,” He ranted. “In fact I have almost no idea what I’m doing but,” But. “I just need一” His mouth was so dry. “I wanted to一” Charlie raised an eyebrow and it was like his tongue swelled up to the size of a golf ball, he couldn’t talk if he wanted to. He scratched at his temple, breathed in once deep through his nose and tried again.

“Charlie, I wanted to say sorry.”

He couldn’t look at her when he said it cause whenever he tried it was like, like his brain short circuited. Her and her stupid eyes, and that stupid look that they only ever had just for him. It made him feel sick. Like he was this terrible, terrible thing and just tainting everything around him.

She didn’t say anything and he couldn’t一 was too scared to look at her face. Maybe he should just go. Maybe this was. This was just a mistake. Hopefully she would never bring this up to anyone ever and just stick to avoiding eachother in those stupid crowded halls.

“Why are you standing with my door open at night letting out the heat have you一oh.”

It was her Mom who had came to the door next. Vaguely Billy remembers meeting her that night, the same night Charlie pointed a shotgun at him, but seeing her again was different this time. Charlie looked a lot like her mom, he realised soft features, kind eyes though they were never directed at him.

“Billy, sweetie, what brings you here so late?” Her voice dripped with warmth he hadn’t heard in so long it gave him whiplash. Billy was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water because this was just a lot.

Charlie turned to her mother. “He was just leaving, Mama.” Her hand was already on the door getting ready to close it on him. And he wanted to pretend like it didn’t hurt, but. It did. A lot.

“What?” Mrs. Sinclair frowned. “Already he just got here.”

Charlie looked visibly irritated. “Well he has things he needs to do,” She turned to him. Looked at him with those eyes. “Right Billy?”

Again, a fish out of fucking water. He couldn’t formulate a single conherate sentence for the life of him at this moment. And Charlie would stop looking. So.

“I'm not really doing一” Wrong. The wrong thing to say based on the glare Charlie sent his way but. “This,” He had to clear his throat. “Right now.”

Charlie rolled her eyes and her mother beamed. Smiled so bright he had to blink. When was the last time someone ever looked at him like that? “Good come on in then and I’ll fix you up a plate.” She already had a small hand on his shoulder guiding him in the doorway. “Take your shoes off at the door, hun.”

There were three bodies gathered around the dinner table, one being the small girl he had meant earlier. She raised an eyebrow at his appearance but other than that went back to her seat. And there was Lucas who looked scared to see him, why wouldn’t he?

He made an impression on that kid一 the wrong one. It was shitty and now he’s in his house so of course he’s scared at the sight of him. But. He maybe wanted to try and make, fix this.

Then there was Mr. Sinclair. He was a big man bigger than Billy. Had a mustache on his upper lip and Charlie’s smile. It was nice. They were nice.

“Not another one,” Mr. Sinclair frowned at the sight of Billy, but. It didn’t seem like he was mad. “Where does she keep finding all these boys?”

“Charles.” Mrs. Sinclair warned, slapping his arm on the way to the table and the man rolled his eyes. He turned to Billy and smiled.

“Nice to meetcha, Son.” He offered his hand and Billy took it. His grip was strong and his palms were not as sweaty anymore. Billy smiled. “Nice to meet you, Sir.”

And it was honestly. Charlie’s dad seemed great. Really nice.

Everyone was getting seated and the only open space was, of course, next to Charlie. So carefully he pulled back the chair and sat down making sure it wasn’t too close because truthfully he couldn’t handle being in her presence for long. Especially if she kept looking at him like she was trying to light him on fire, maybe she was.

The smell of the food hit him once his back hit the chair and it was heavenly. Susan cooks sure but most of the time he doesn’t eat with the family, not like this anyway, because he just can't be around Neil. But Susan’s food never smelt this good.

There were dishes of roast beef, green beans, and potatoes. Billy briefly wondered if this is how they ate every night. Something in his chest got tight at the thought.

“Looks great, Mrs. Sinclair.” He commented and the woman all but beamed at the compliment.

“When Charles says grace we can all dig in,” She grinned before sending a sharp look to her husband. Mr. Sinclair cleared his throat once, “Alright everyone join hands.”

Fuck.

BIlly took a deep breath and tentatively turned to Charlie. She wasn’t looking at him, thank god, but had her palm raised upwards, waiting. He took a deep breathe through his nose and took her hand.

Huh.

Charlie’s hand was smaller than his, incredibly so. He never noticed maybe because last time he was this close to her he was wailing his fists into Steve Harrington’s face. And drugged with enough shit to knock out an elephant and hit in the head with the butt of her shotgun.

Now that he’s paying attention Charlie is a dainty little thing but she has so much fire in her it’s easy to forget.

Billy mumbled along to the prayer Mr. Sinclair said because truthfully he had no idea what he was saying.

Neil used to make them go to church but it never really stuck. He was never the religious type.

Because if there was really someone out there, some big omnipresent super powerful being, and he saw the shit that had happened— was happening to him. And didn’t so much as lift a finger? Then they were a piece of shit and wanted nothing to do with it.

Charlie’s grip on his hand free slacked and everyone raised their heads.

“Alright,” Mrs. Sinclair chimed. “Eat!”

Then life came back into the room, Billy couldn’t even think, as dishes were being passed his way. Just pile more food onto his plate and hope he had the room for it. It wasn’t till he got till the fourth dish, because Mrs. Sinclair had made a side of Cornbread he just had to try, that he finally had a moment to taste the food.

It was hard to put into words but basically, her food was fucking delicious. Susan could barely hold a candle to this, and from what he can remember, not even his mother’s food was this good. And that was saying a lot.

“So, Billy, how do you know Charlie?”

He had a mouthful of potatoes when Mr. Sinclair asked him. Ah, right. Small talk. He was good with parents so typically situations like these were no brainers but he could feel Charlie burning a hole in the side of his head. So.

“Uh, she was one of the first people I meant when I moved here.” Which wasn’t a lie really. That first week had been a blur of faces, parties, girls, and drinking, but he didn’t forget Charlie. Or her shotgun. “She and her friends helped me adjust to Hawkins.”

Charlie didn’t say anything and Lucas was just staring at him so it seemed like he said the right thing.

“And where’d you and your folks move from?”

“California sir,” He put a bit of roast into his mouth, and all but melted. “The transition was a lot for me and my step sister.”

Mrs. Sinclair raised one defined eyebrow. “You have a sister.”

“It’s Max, Mom.” Lucas said from his end of the table around a mouthful of food. That made the youngest sneer.

“You’re disgusting, Lucas.”

“Shut up, Erica.”

“You two have literally been arguing all day, please be quiet.”

Mr. Sinclair sighed. “Excuse them and their manners. Or lack there of really.” He gave Lucas a look and pointed at his mouth, sure enough bits of food were there and the young boy was wiping it with the back of his hand. “But you said Charlie and her friends helped you adjust?” Billy nodded once. “Do you know Steve then?”

Billy paused for a second not sure what to say. Like yeah I know the guy nearly knocked his head off his shoulders? Sure that’ll turn out well. Charlie snickered next to him and Lucas laughed.

“Yeah they know each other really well, Dad.” She quipped and sent him a look. “They play basketball together.”

He seemed to like that and Charlie glowered. “Oh looks like I’ll definitely have to get tickets to the next game then.” And for some reason that made Billy smile. It was nice maybe to be acknowledged.

From there it was smooth sailing.

Dinner went by quick, much too quick. He was actually having fun and Charlie’s parents seemed to actually like her. Not the Billy who puts on the façade to make parents like him, the normal one. Who really didn’t know what he was doing. It was just, nice.

Then before he knew it the table was being cleared and it was almost time for him to go. Charlie had been lingering in the kitchen, staying close enough while she did the dishes to hear the conversation between him and her father, but not enough to be brought into it. It stung. And it shouldn’t have.

“Well, Billy it was a pleasure having you,” Mr. Sinclair started. “I’d like to have you over again.”

“Yeah I’d love to—“ Behind her father Billy could see Charlie glaring at him from the kitchen. It made him freeze. “Uh, it was great, the food was delicious.”

Mrs. Sinclair smiled from her spot next to her husband. “Thank you dear it’s nice to have someone that actually appreciates my cooking.”

Charles seemed unphased and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek. “I’m off suge.”

She rolled her eyes. “To work on that piece of scape metal?” Her only response was a thumbs up as the large man made his way through to what Billy assumed was the garage. “Don’t be making noise all night, Charles!”

“Scarp metal?” Billy inquired.

Mrs. Sinclair huffed. “So beat up old car he’s been trying to fix up for a little over forever now.”

“I’m not trying to fix it up!” Billy could see where Charlie got it from now. “I am fixing it up!”

Billy couldn’t help himself. “What kinda car is it?”

The older man turned slowly towards him. Interested. “A 1978 Buick.”

“Not bad,” He hummed. “You know the model?”

“Electra 225.” He crossed his arms, a smile growing on his face. “You know cars?”

“A bit.” Neil didn’t pay or care about his car. That was all him. He saved up months worth of checks to get his camaro. “I drive a Chevrolet Camaro. Had to do tune ups myself.”

“Really?” He was smiling wide now. “Well I could use another set of hands in there.”

Billy tried not to smile and act like he wasn’t relieved he didn’t have to go home, but. Being around them this family it was just so refreshing compared to his cold home. Compared to Neil.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I got some time to kill.”

They stayed out there in that garage for about an hour and a half. Would’ve stayed longer— wanted to stay longer. But Mrs. Sinclair had poked her head in and reminded Charles, he was allowed to call him Charles now, that it was a school night. So he had no choice but to go home.

It was just when he was wiping oil smears off his hands when Charlie finally walked into the garage. She had changed into pajamas which was just a big sweater that seemed to swallow her whole. But it made Billy glance at her for a moment longer than necessary cause she still found some way to look nice.

“Can I get a moment with him, Dad?”

Mr. Sinclair sent a look between both teenagers and had a hint of a frown on his lips. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I’ll just go get cleaned up.”

He kissed her forehead as he went. “Also don’t forget to take your meds.” He made a grunt like a sound of acknowledgment. “I’m being serious dad!” She called after he had long gone back into the house but at the point it had fallen on death ears.

Now he was alone with her.

Billy wiped his hands down once before closing the hood of the car. They had made some a lot of progress with the car. Turns out Charles wasn’t aware the engine was completely shot, so he would have to find some parts for that. Also brakes were bad and it needed née bulbs in all the headlights. But. It was manageable. Mostly.

“You’re an asshole you know,” She called, dragging him out of his thoughts. “Showing up here out of the blue with that shitty apology.”

“Look, Charlie—“

“You attacked my brother, Billy.” She hissed. “You damn near gave Steve a concussion. His face is still kinda of fucked up, ya know?”

He did know. Saw Steve everyday in the hallways at school and at practice. If he was in pain he didn’t show it, took the beating like a champ from what he remembers.

“I know what I did was messed up.” He had almost a death grip on the dirty rag. “Been thinking about it everyday since.”

“We had to tranq you because you were gonna kill him.” She reminded as if he wasn’t there. Looking back on it now he wishes he could take it all back. But Neil had just pushed him, and it was like he became a black hole. Going around and tainting everything he could that night. Everyone else had just been caught in the crossfire.

“That’s why I came here to apologize,” He was struggling to find the right words. “I just—“ Want you to stop looking at me like that. “I’m sorry for everything that happened that night, Charlie. If I could take it back I would.”

“You can’t.”

Her words stung like she had slapped him. But she was right. You can’t change the past no matter how damn hard you wanted to. It was set in stone. And she had no reason to accept his apology in the first place.

“But,”

But.

“My Dad seems to really like you,” Billy raised his head, their eyes meeting. The way she was looking at him. It was new. “I’m pretty sure he’s about to invite you back next weekend.”

“Why would he—“

Charlie rolled her eyes, “Because he finally has someone to help him with this stupid car.” Billy was still confused. “Erica likes dolls, I like guns, and Lucas is a nerd. Do the math.”

That was nice. Billy would definitely come back and help with this car. He would love to in fact. Anything to get him out the house, so he wouldn’t have to be around Neil. He’d jump at the chance.

That also mean more of Mrs. Sinclair’s cooking. Definitely could use more of that.

“Ok listen,” Charlie began. “You were a complete douchebag the last time I saw you and I don’t know what kind of holy revelation you had since then, but if I even get the slightest inkling that you’re back on your bullshit.” She poked one finger into his chest and it was like his whole body was vibrating. “Then that’s it. Over. I mean it, Hargrove.”

She was giving him a chance.

A smirk began to work its way onto his features. “Cross my heart.” He countered motioning an x over his chest. Charlie rolled her eyes and he smiled. “Promise. I won’t screw this up.”

[bentnotbroken1fanfiction]

Side Drabble I

It's been a long time since Billy has felt unconditional love, if that was even what it was. Is it considered unconditional if you love your kid but still leave them? He guesses probably not.

Ok, then…

It's been a long time since Billy has felt motherly love.

He definitely didn't get it from Susan. She had tried at first, to reach out, but it was short lived. He's pretty sure she is afraid to care about him, because if she loved him, even a fraction as much as she loves Max, she'd have to face what his father does. She wouldn't be able to stand there or hide in her room.

He thinks if his dad had been hitting him instead of his mom back then, she would have taken him. He doesn't think she would have just stood by and watched and done nothing. Because she was brave enough to leave, to escape Neil.

Susan isn't brave.

Not that he really blames her. He wouldn't want to face his dad's ire if he was her either. So it is what it is. At least what you see is what you get with her. It's better not to be blindsided.

He had been a cute kid. Everyone always said he looked like his mom with his soft blonde curls and blue ocean eyes peeking out from under long lashes. He'd even skipped the awkward ugly phase of adolescence and went straight to attractive.

He used to think it was a gift, an asset. Beautiful people can get what they want, right? But it ended up biting him in the ass. Because when you're a good looking flirty fifteen year old with a fucked up home life and mommy issues, what you see isn't always what you get.

There are a lot of Mrs Wheeler's out there.

Some are just worse than others.

There are mom's that pretend to care about their sons friend whose mother abandoned him. That shower him with affection and speak softly to him, so unlike the angry voice he gets at home that he lets down his guard.

He enjoys their attention, their smiles and gentle hugs. He likes how it feels to have someone care about him. Likes to know he's always welcome, that there is always a place at the table for him. Likes the safety net, the promise of sanctuary when things get too bad at home.

But he'd found out one night that everything comes with a price. Even love and affection.

So yeah, maybe he's never felt it unconditionally. Maybe he's never actually experienced it at all. But he thinks he knows what it looks like.

It looks like Joyce Byers.

A mother that literally went to hell and back for her son, who never stopped fighting for him. A mother that left an angry abusive husband and took her boys with her. A mother that's as fierce as she is kind.

It had taken him a few visits to actually believe that though. That her kindness was real. History just wasn't on her side. He'd been polite of course, he had and still has manners, but he stayed as far away from her as possible.

She seemed to notice Billy's avoidance of her in particular. He would catch her concerned brown eyes watching him from the kitchen but she never sought him out. And while she was physically affectionate with all the kids, with Steve, she never tried to touch Billy or hug him. She gave him his space.

Which he'd been grateful for, because his defenses are still smashed to hell, thank you Mind Flayer, and he doesn't think he'd be able to deal with her hugging him.

She does talk to him though. She always greets him, laughs when he calls her Mrs. Byers, you can call me Joyce, Mrs Byers makes me feel old, asks after him and tells him goodbye when he leaves.

It's…nice… but he still didn't trust it.

Until he really started paying attention. He'd watched her with Steve, and Wheeler, and Max. There were no ulterior motives. No sweet lies out of her mouth or secrets in her eyes. Her affection wasn't bought and paid for.

It was freely given.

And for the first time in his sad pathetic life, he got it. He understood that this is what it's supposed to be like.

He stopped hiding in corners after that. He still didn't know how to really act around her though. In the past, his automatic response after politeness would have been laying on the fake charm. He can't even muster up a smile now, let alone try to charm anyone. So he remains quiet, he just does it a little closer to the kitchen table.

She stops him at the door one night, before he follows Harrington and Max to the beamer. And he doesn't quite flinch when he feels her hand on his arm, but she definitely felt the tremble because she immediately lets go.

He just looks down at her, she really is like…tiny, and asks her if she's ok. Because he's still polite dammit.

She looks sad when she says yes, and he's confused when she sighs and looks around the room before telling him that, she doesn't know what has happened in his life, what he's been through to make him shy away from her, but she wants him to know that he will always be safe here and that she'll never do anything to make him uncomfortable.

There's sincerity there, in her words, across her worried face, and his chest tightens a bit. Besides Harrington, no one has ever put his comfort above their own. No one has ever made sure he knows that they aren't going to make him talk or make him uncomfortable or hurt him.

Even Max will demand things from him when she thinks he's been quiet for too long, and he isn't upset with her about it, he may even need that, but it feels good to know there are people that don't want a damn thing from him. That are kind without stipulations.

It kind of makes him want to cry.

But he doesn't. He just nods and tells her thank you and that he really appreciates it, that it means a lot to him.

She smiles up at him, her eyes crinkling at the sides and she looks so damn happy that he spoke to her, that he didn't run. And Billy thinks Will and Jonathan better never take this tiny woman for granted, because they are probably the luckiest kids in the world.

Part II

(Series Masterlist)

Series now on AO3

[harringrovehouse]

S2 AU where everything is EXACTLY the same except Billy and Max don’t roll into town with their parents but rather as a result of a letter, one hand delivered to Hopper by a stuffy man in a suit and tie.

The letter opens with ‘Dear Sarge’ and Hopper knows it’s one of his men. One of the men he commanded in Nam. He sits stiffly in his office and reads the letter. It’s from Taz, Neil Hargrove, one of the well most unstable men that Hopper had every comanded, his nickname had been ‘Taz the Tazmanian devil’ because of his quick uncontrollable outbursts. Taz writes that he’s dying, cancer, and that he’s got a kids, a boy who’s mother fucked off year ago and left them alone and a girl, the result of a second marriage, he wasn’t even sure she was his but he cared for her even after her mother died last year in a car crash. Taz asks Hopper to take his kids in, take them in and keep them alive until their 18 and Hopper can do whatever he wants with them.

‘They got no one but me Sarge. And I’m gonna be dead by November.’

Hopper sighs as he looks down at the letter, gut turning as he thinks about El. Thinks about how he’s just gotten her intergrated back into society, and bu society he’s told the kids she’s okay and she’s allowed to be at Joyce’s house every once in a while without him. Would this be too much for his girl? They still have power outbursts. Would it be okay to bring two stranger into this mix. Hopper takes a long lunch to decided. He shows Joyce the letter and waits for her opinion.

“You gotta take them in Jim!” She’s tearing up as she rereads the letter. “You can’t let them go into the system.” Hopper argues with her, he doesn’t have the space for two more kids. He certainly isn’t sure he has the patience! Joyce glares at him and then reads him the riot act.

So he does the only thing he can. He calls the number at the bottom of the letter, talks to Taz and agrees to take in his kids. He tells El they’re going to have guests and that she has to keep her powers to a minimum, even as they move from the cabin into a house on Old Cherry.

William and Maxine ride into Hawkins three days later, a UHaul driven by the same, now rumpled and angry, lawyer who delivered the letter. Hopper waves awkwardly from the stoop as El hovers at his side, eyes wide as she watched Maxine climb out of the back seat of the blue Camaro William is driving. El makes a weird noise and points at the skateboard Maxine is death gripping. Behind her William climbs out of the drivers seat, a hard angry look on his face as he slams the door. Hopper meets them half way up, he awkwardly sticks his hand out for them to shake. William takes it quickly, muttering out a quick ‘hello sir’ before swatting at his sister’s shoulder to get her to do the same. Maxine takes Hopper’s hand weakly and lets out a barely audible ‘hello sir’ before dropping her hand to her side and glaring at the sidewalk .

The next few days are a vivid rush. Maxine or Max as she prefers moves into the room next to El’s, gets to know her friends and somehow become her enemy all in a 48 hour period. Something to do with the boys having no idea what to do with this new female attention. It’s not made easier with the fact that El is not able to go to school yet. William, for his part, keeps his nose clean. He quickly wins over the multitude of girls at Hawkins High, and more than once had to be reminded that bringing anyone into their home isn’t allowed! William and Max fight like cats and dogs, they blame each other for the move and no matter how many times Hopper raises his voice over their bickering to remind them that it’s no one’s fault but thr US Government and their war, it never seems to work. It really only causes William to flinch each time Hopper do it, which starts to concerns him. At one point, in the dead center of Will Byer’s newest Upsidedown run in, Hopper has three very angry, very hostile with each other, teens on his hands and it all comes to a head one night when he has to rush off to Joyce’s and leaves William in charge.

“Just keep an eye on your sisters! Please.” Is the last thing he says before he’s racing out of the house to go help Joyce.

Hopper would find out later than El would sneak out to find Mike, and then Max to go with Lucas, who showed up to take her to a junk yard and then finally William would end up chasing both of them down in the middle of the night only to throw down with Steve Harrington in Joyce’s living room before El threw the dead body of a Demodog threw a window and stopped their fight.

By the time the sun rose above the clouds the next morning, Hopper would be pacing in his living room, covered in blood and Upsidedown goo having patched El back up after she closed the gate, and tapes but William’s lip and checked Max over for any type of damage she might have picked up between entering the Upsidedown hole and running away from a herd of Demodogs.

“Just-just promise me the three of you will at least talk to each other if,” oh god he hopes this never happens again. “If anything like this EVER happens again. Please.” He’s shaking slightly but waits as the three of them slowly turn to look at each other. First El to Max, then Max to William and then finally the three of them make eye contact with the others and begin to nod. “Thank god. That’s all your old dad needs.” They all freeze and Hopper covers his face with his hands. Suddenly warm and pink skin hidden behind the dirt and grim. “Go to bed. Uh all of you. It’s been a long night.”

It’s weird for the next few weeks. Especially when Hopper catches William going down on Steve Harrington, which, oh man is that a conversation for the book. Both boys leave the house mortified but Hopper’s confident that they’ve learned their lesson. They all still dance around each other but at some point El and Max move their beds into the bigger of the two rooms and sit huddles together most nights giggling about whatever teen magazine Joyce had given them that week. Everything starts to feel normal, and by the summer of 1985 Hopper’s never felt more at home.

[writtenwinchester]

I See You || Whiskey and Bruises - Pt. 3

Masterlist | Send In Requests | Buy Me A Coffee

Word Count: 2281

Warnings: this is just pure angst, physical and verbal abuse, attempt sexual assault mentioned, tipsy billy

Pairing: Billy x Winchester Reader

A/N: yay! Finally finished! Part four will be posted next week, enjoy! x

You remember the first time you saw them.

Previously, your mother and you got into a brutal fight, which lead to many bruises and tears. Including being sent to your room.

Nobody ever comes over, not even your mother’s friends. So when you heard the doorbell ring, you crept out of your bedroom and peeked downstairs, catching sight of the two men standing at your door step. They sounded familiar, too familiar. The taller one with the longer hair, glanced up, and for a brief moment you made eye contact. In a panic, you scuffled back against the floor. Terrified of the consequences you could receive for leaving your room.

As you heard the footsteps come up your stairs, you ran back to your room. Shutting the door quickly behind you, before it reopened. “I’m not sure what you did, but there’s two agents here for you.” Your mother turned to walk out of the room, with you trailing behind her before she spun around and pointed a finger at her. “Don’t fuck this up! You know where they send kids who get taken away.” “Yes mom.” “Ma’am.” She hissed, before walking out of your room and heading back downstairs, leaving you with tears pooling in the corners of your eyes. “Yes ma’am.”

Billy never showed to third.

Were you surprised? No. Did it still affect you? Slightly, but you’d never admit it. You’d grown close with the boy, just as you’d grown close with Darcy, even if she was just a suspect.

The only concern you had for Billy was the bruises he had almost daily, when you both showed up to your little field at the park. The blue and green mark that formed along his jaw was enough for you to reach over and gently run your fingers across it, but he just took your hand and told you it was nothing. But you knew that lie, because that was your lie.

“What’s that?” The green eyed man in front of you gestured to the bruise on your chin, just as you shrugged and took a sip of the drink in your small hands. “I dunno.”

The two agents in your house informed your mother that they would take you down the road for hot chocolate, to ease and calm the topic at hand.

The man glanced at the other man beside him, raising his eyebrows before looking back at you, “what do you mean ‘I dunno’?” “I probably fell.” “Probably.” The other man nodded, as they exchanged looks, you kept your mind on the hot chocolate infront of you. “Okay, Y/n, my name’s Sam, and this is my brother Dean.” Dean gave you a small wave, “we got your phone call a few weeks ago.” Your eyes widened, “where’s my dad?” “Y/n-“ “did you tell him I called?” “Sweetheart, listen, there’s a lot you don’t know, and we’ll explain everything, but you have to be entirely honest with us, okay?” You thought back to your mother’s words, you knew where they would put you. “Okay.”

Billy never showed up.

You told yourself that you didn’t care, that it didn’t matter, but you knew deep down that it hurt. Had he forgotten? Was he okay? Maybe he was sick? Maybe it had something to do with the bruises on his face? You couldn’t pin point it.

When Dean came to pick you up, you didn’t say a word. Except lean your head against the window as he gave you a look, “what’s wrong?” “Just drive, De.” “Tell me what’s wrong first.” “He didn’t come, Okay? Now just drive.” Dean grumbled, saying how he was going to kick his ass if he ever saw him. But you didn’t pay attention, you were too busy worrying about what made Billy break his promise for the third time in a row.

You remember coming home to yelling.

Your mother’s current boyfriend was throwing a fit, he was throwing and kicking things around the house. She was screaming at him to get out, but he was banging her head against the wall.

You remember running, getting in between the pair as you shoved him away, standing in front of your mother like a shield, even though she’d throw you to the wolves in an instant. “The hell are you doing,” he roared, “get the fuck out of my way!” He shoved you aside, and your head collided with the kitchen cabinet. “Stop, stop!” You yelled, and your mother yelled back. “Go to your room!” “But-“ “I said, get to your room!” You didn’t budge, you were trying to help her, didn’t she understand?

“Listen to your mother Y/n!” “You’re hurting her!” “This doesn’t concern you, get!” You knew. You knew what you were getting yourself into, but you didn’t move. At such a young age, you knew the difference between right and wrong.

She slapped you, for being stupid. She hit you, for not listening. She kicked you, for being a brat. You didn’t fight back; because you thought you deserved it. When you watched your mother’s boyfriend unloop his belt, tears were pouring down your face. “Daniel, Daniel, please.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” “It’s sir.” The belt was raised over his head, and came down in a striking pain.

The next morning, your mother told Sam and Dean that you were sick that day.

“Y/n.” Billy groaned, stumbling across the field in an attempt to reach you. He completely reeked like Jack Daniels, but your main concern was his bruised and bloodied face.

“Billy? My god, what happened?” “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” He mumbled, chuckling lowly as he wiped the dried blood from his mouth. “Billy, please.” “It’s nothing, Y/n.” “Well obviously it’s not.” “Drop it, y/n.” “Billy-“ “I said drop it!” He snapped, and you flinched. His face softened, realizing he scared you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He mumbled, as you let out a sigh and gently pulled him in for a warm hug. “It’s okay. Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” He nodded, “yeah.”

The next time you saw Sam and Dean, you showed them the bruises and scars. Dean kept his jaw clenched, and Sam couldn’t look at you for more than five seconds. “I’m sorry.” “Sweetheart, listen to me, it’s not your fault. Okay?” “But-“ “no buts, it’s not your fault.” You slowly nodded your head, “Y/n, does the name ‘Winchester’ mean anything to you?” You nodded, “that’s my name.” San nodded, “see, our name’s are also Sam and Dean Winchester.” “Just like me?” “Exactly like you princess.” “You see, we think it has something to do with our- your dad.” “What do you mean?” “Well, John’s our father too.” Your eyes widened, “like, related?” They nodded, “we think we’re your brothers, Y/n.” You went quiet, glancing down at your hands and twiddling with your thumbs. “I never had brothers before.” “Well starting today, you have two.”

“Shit.” Billy hissed, as you dabbed the rubbing alcohol against the cut above his eyebrow. “I’m sorry.” The fact that he had been drinking didn’t help at all, especially when you wanted him to stay still. “How do you know how to do this?” “I just know.” Billy nodded, watching as your hands worked along his face and body. In ways, he was jealous. Jealous with how smart and talented you were, with the fact that you had two big brothers who loved and looked out for you, even Dean’s Impala had him jealous.

“I hate you.” He mumbled, and you stopped working on his shoulder. “What?” He shook his head, “sorry, I didn’t except it to come out like that,” “then how was it supposed to come out?” Billy went quiet, furrowing his eyebrows as you placed down the cloth in your hand. “Well?” “I dunno, just not like that.” “Then talk to me Billy.” “It’s just, I’m pissed off that everything’s so great for everyone, for you.” You furrowed your eyebrows, “what do you mean?” “C’mon Y/n, my mom left, my dad’s a fucking prick and Susan’s no help. Max is just a little shit-“ “Billy.” “She gets on my nerves, okay? I’m pissed off. I’m pissed off that you don’t fucking understand what I go through every single fucking day while you just sit on your ass with your brothers and talk about what a great relationship you have.”

Water pooled at the corner of your eyes as you listened to his rant, “Billy-“ “no, listen to me. You don’t fucking get it, and here you are, talking to me every day. Cleaning me up after shit goes down that you don’t even get.” “I think I know more than you think.” “Really? Enlighten me Winchester, explain what shit happens in my life.” “I get that your mad Billy, I do. I know how angry you are because you think nobody loves you.” “This is bullshit.” He hissed, standing up from the bench and pacing the park. “Billy Hargrove; your mother dated an asshole. To escape her life, she sacrificed you and left you with him.”

Billy glared, “don’t you fucking dare Winchester.” “So now he takes his anger out on you, right? Just some extra blame to be added to your pile of shit.” “Really? I’m Y/n Winchester, my life is so fucking great. My two big brothers do everything for me and I’m a little princess, I get straight A’s and all the boys drool at my feet when I walk into a room, I practically get anything I want.” Your eyes widened, tears now running down your face as you stared at him.

“Is that what you think?” He stared back at you, clenched fists and a clenched jaw. You wiped your tears, laughing softly to yourself. “Wow, wow, that’s.. that’s impressive, Hargrove.” He continued staring at you, watching every movement you made as you stepped closer to him. “You got it spot on. Except, you left the part out where I lived with my bitch of a mother most of my life. My dad came by every third month and that was the only escape I had. When I was seven her boyfriend tried to put his hands down my pants, and when she caught him she threw a fit and kicked him out. Not because he tried to assault me, Billy. No, because he tried to cheat on her with her seven year old daughter. And she beat me, up for it.”

Billy stared at you, confusion and mixed emotions swimming across his face as he watched you step closer and closer towards him. “Or, that my father died when I was four and didn’t find out until I was eleven. Eleven.” You were crying. Struggling to find your words and piece them together as Billy continued to watch you, “all of her boyfriends were abusive assholes, and if I tried to stop it, or even help her, I got in trouble. If I did anything wrong, I got in trouble. God forbid I take a shower for longer than eight minutes.” “Y/n-“ “no, Billy. It’s my turn to speak. I met my brothers when I was eleven, they saved me from my home and showed me what a family was really about. Sometimes, I still call Sam or Dean ‘sir’ because I forget I’m not in that household anymore.”

Billy’s eyes were watering, gently reaching his hand out for yours, “Y/n,” “No.” You pulled your hand away, “you don’t just get to apologize Billy, you judged me long before I even got to tell you anything.” “I’m sorry, Y/n I fucked up, please, please, I’m sorry.” “That’s not how things work Billy..” you whispered, watching him as tears ran down your face. “I’m- I’m going home.” “It’s dark, at least let me drive-“ “I don’t care.” You shrugged, turning to walk away from him. “I don’t care anymore Billy Hargrove, and I certainly don’t care about you.” You walked away, leaving the broken boy stranded at the park, by himself.

“Ms. Parker, due to unfortunate circumstances we will have to be taking custody of Y/n Winchester.” Your mother glanced at you and then the two agents, your brothers. “I don’t understand, Y/n’s just fine where she is.” “Ma’am there seems to have been reports of physical and verbal abuse towards Y/n Winchester and we’re not allowed to have you hold custody of your daughter until everything is clear.” Dean spoke, as Sam placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. Your mother was awestruck, staring before glancing down at you, Daniel started to peer from behind her. “Are you saying things to these poor agents Y/n?” “Ma’am, that’s confidential between Ms. Winchester and ourselves.” “I’m allowed to talk to my daughter.” She hissed, “Y/n, did you lie?” “No.” “No? Yet, you told them we hurt you?” Your mother’s eyes watered, as she wiped them away your stomach dropped, you were making her cry, and that was nothing you ever wanted.

“I didn’t lie, I promise.” You whispered, watching as Daniel and your mother stared at you with mixed emotions. “Maybe it’s best we talk alone, yeah?” She said, reaching her hand out to you as Sam pushed you further behind him. “That won’t be nescessary ma’am, she’s fine right here.” And all at once, she lost it. “What? I can’t even talk to her in private?” “Not if you’ll beat the hell out of her, no.” “How dare you.” She sneered, pointing at you. “She’s my daughter, I’m a single mother and her only family, you can’t tear us apart!” “Well apparently you’re not her only family.” “Excuse me?” Dean and your mother stared at eachother, before her eyes softened and stared at the man in-front of her. “You.” She glanced at the both of them, “John’s boys.” Daniel stared down at your mother, “your ex?” She nodded, “he never shut up about you two, now, here you are.” She sneered, “where the hell has he been? He hasn’t payed child support in almost eight years!” “Yeah, well John’s been dead for almost eight years.” She stepped forward, glaring into Dean’s face just as he glared back. “Good riddance.” She grabbed you by the arm, pulling you from Sam’s grasp to drag you inside as you yelled and bit her.

“Shit!” She cried, clutching her hand and releasing her grip on you as Dean stepped in front of you and Daniel took off his belt, “c’mere you little bitch.” He hissed, raising it over his head just as Dean grabbed his wrist. Sam pulled you down the steps of the house, putting you in the back seat of the impala as you listening to the yelling and screaming of the four pair. As it faded into the distance, the only voice you could hear in your head was Dean’s. Claiming that your father had been dead, for nearly eight years.

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[ottorocket808]

Chapter Four: Will the Wise

Joyce flyin into this parking is funny to me she’s on red alert right now.

I would’ve slapped Will. If I keep shaking you like she is and you won’t wake up get ready for the big face open palm slap. The Will gettin infected scene makes me super uncomfortable.

Bruh they got two dining room tables Joyce is doing her thing with the decorating. There you go Joyce connect the dots. You can’t help but feel bad for Will mans was violated by a gigantic shadow creature.

Yup he’s pissed. Pause, Hop when did El lie? Picking a fight with a child is a bad idea picking a fight with a child who can throw you across the room with her mind is a way worse idea. She asked that lady for directions so duh they saw her but seriously why did she call the police? She put herself in danger Hop nobody wants you they’d only come for you if you get in the way. Timeout you promised her she could leave and then got mad when she left? But she doesn’t want your safety Hop she wants her freedom. Oh yes you do Hop you tell massive lies you just haven’t been caught yet. She followed your rules for 325 days straight that ain’t bad record. I understand that she broke a rule but to take anything from someone who already has so little is fucked up and who takes away Eggos they’re waffles not cookies. You are picking a fight that you can’t win Hop. Why not just take the antenna off why rip out the power cable? That was fucked up that was a low blow if I ever saw one how can you claim to care for her but then tell her you’ll send her back to the lab? She’s 13 Hop how grown do you expect her to be? You need to learn how proper conflict resolution. All Hop had to do was talk to her calmly he had hours to calm down this shit could’ve been avoided. But noooo he had to come in hot and now she busted every window in the main area of the house and knocked over the bookshelf in front of his bedroom door.

He was in a dumpster what do you expect?

I’d feel like something was horribly wrong if I was scared to take a bath.

Just apologize Hop you fucked up she fucked up be the adult and lead the way. You ripped the power cord out you can’t fix that you now have to buy a new tv because you lost your temper on a 13 year old girl.

Joyce is wearin Flo out this morning they all need walkies so they can talk to each other because Joyce is probably losing her mind because Hop doesn’t have a phone.

Not the biggest Billy fan but he’s not wrong plant your feet. Further proof that this asshole is not and was never Steve’s friend I want Billy to fuck ol dudes girl just because he’s so fucking irritating.

Her and Jonathan are putting their families at risk even though they both signed confidentiality agreements basically saying that everything they know never happened they’d both be buried if this was real all she needs to do is cry, admit her guilt to herself, and stop having dinner with Barbs parents. Oh don’t try to run now you were stupid the government could literally ship them away never to be heard from again.

Mans is chillin literally without a shirt with every window and door open in November Indiana.

Cmon Dustin Cmon Lucas y’all know there are certain things she can’t know without putting her life at risk y’all legit almost died last year do y’all want that on you conscience if she dies because y’all brought her into it?

It really was a mistake the gate itself wasn’t supposed to be opened El did it on accident and this man is not personally responsible for Barb’s death so what exactly is Nancy looking for? Oh yeah to make herself feel better by blaming other people for the outcome her selfish ass actions drove. Foreshadowing. Heavy Russian foreshadowing. Nah they still don’t fully grasp it at all doc they wanna tell on you and get you thrown in jail for something you didn’t do and get a new group to do what you’re doing monitoring The Upside Down.

Hop since you enjoy acting like El’s father do you plan on telling anyone where you’re goin to help make sure that you make it home safely? No? ok. Super responsible parenting from the prideful man baby.

I ain’t mad at Max I’d feel the same way but she also knows that Mike don’t want her in The Party or even to be her friend so I’m not 100% sure why she’s upset. What the fuck is that supposed to mean Billy?? Why can’t she hang out with Lucas?

I googled it to see what the actor thought about his character mans basically said he’s threatened at the thought of other men entering his circle and Max unfortunately for Lucas is in that circle it’s a damn shame his dad damaged him so much that he can’t have a regular relationship with a single guy unless he knows they’re BETA.

But didn’t Hop just tell us last night that he doesn’t lie he does a bunch of other crap that’s a big ass lie to tell a little girl that her mother is dead when you know she isn’t and you have a box full of paperwork on her hidden in your cellar.

Joyce, Joyce, Joyce you can’t block Party members out they love Will too and look out for him just like you do.

For a place as big on security as they are they were stupid for not searching them both before letting them into the building or at least before letting them leave.

This is nothing more than a way for her to feel less guilty it doesn’t matter what happened in that lab Barb would’ve been safe at home if it wasn’t for Nancy

I wouldn’t have picked that up it looks disgusting. Well that’s terrifying poor Mews.

I’m still disappointed in Hop this is irresponsible af. Bruh call for backup tell the scientists what you found anything is better than dropping into the Upside Down with only your revolver as a weapon which you know is useless against anything down there guns didn’t stop the Demogorgon El did.

[dogshemp]

Bad Intentions

A/N Intro Leslie Mayfield had everything a seventeen-year-old girl could hope for. She was the most popular girl at school. All the girls wanted to be her friends, and all the boys wanted her. None of those boys mattered to her though because she had the best boyfriend she could ask for. It was also a plus that he had a hot ass car that everyone envied. Leslie's perfect man was none other than Billy Hargrove, not that anyone besides there closest friends knew that. They had to keep their relationship a secret from thereover baring parents. The two of them had been together for almost six months when the world came crashing down around them. The news came one surprising night at an Italian restaurant. As the two sat across from each other pretending like they were only school friends there parents told them they were getting married. That one day soon the two would be siblings. Their worlds came crashing down, and they responded to the news in different ways. Leslie became withdrawn and depressed. Her personality changed entirely from the girl next door with straight A's to a recluse who spent more time cutting class than in it and picked up a severe drinking habit. Billy, on the other hand, became angrier by the day. Having to see her everywhere but not being able to have her drove him mad. He became a player trying to find a girl who could make him forget her. It never worked neither did the drinking. AS time went on the two of them became whom they hated the most, their fathers. Chapter One

“I can't believe we have to move because Billy can't stay out of trouble. How is this fair he's not even real family? It's not right…” Max complained as the two of us packed up her room. “My god Max shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about.” I snapped at her. “Why are you even standing up for him. Billy is an asshole.” She responded. “Hey, don’t swear, mom would kill me if she thought I was letting you talk like that,” I told her. “But it’s the truth. Billy had always been a major jerk, but he has only gotten worse since we moved in together. It's like the longer his hair gets, the angrier he becomes.” She told me as she tossed a pair of jeans into a box. “Of course, he's angry. He didn’t want his dad remarrying like we didn’t want mom. At least we got to stay in our own home. His dad sold his childhood home, and he had to move in with us so of course, he's angry.” I reminded her as I grabbed a handful of her shit and tossed it into a box. “That doesn’t give him a right to be a jerk. Everyone at school hates him. He's a bully and a drunk. This is all his fault. If he didn’t beat Tomas nearly to death, we wouldn’t have to move. It’s the only reason we're moving, and you know it. So, Tomas’s parents wouldn’t press charges. They ran us out of town. Also, I don’t get why you're not pissed off. I mean Tomas was your boyfriend.” She said to me. “Tomas was not my boyfriend. We went on three dates because our parents were friends. That does not make us a couple.” I yelled. I didn’t mean to, but the topic was a sensitive one for me. I lost all control as my blood started to boil just thinking about Tomas. “God even you have changed. You would never have yelled at me before Billy, and his dad moved in.” She responded as she taped up her box. “Little red your mom wants you in the kitchen,” Billy said from the doorway. He was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed causing all his muscles to flex under his tight short sleeve shirt that was almost all the way unbuttoned. His chest peaked threw the opening and it too all my strength to pull my eyes away from his chest and to his face that was looking back at me with his sexy ass smirk on his face. His eyes did not break contact with mine as Max walked out of the room. The second she did his eyes ran up my entire body licking his lips as they made their way back up to my face. He stepped into the room slowly moving his way towards me with his predatory gaze that would send most people running in the other direction. Once he was entirely through the door, he kicked it closed with his foot before closing the distance between us. “What do you want Billy?” I asked him as I crossed my arms as I looked up at him. He didn’t say anything at first, he just stood there his eyes flicking from my eyes to my lips and back again. “Did you come in here to tell me something or just to stare at me?” I asked him trying to get any response out of him. “Well can you blame me. The view is amazing.” He responded as he wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me flush against him. I could not help but smile as I tried and failed to push him away. His grips on my waist tightened and would defiantly leave bruises. That’s the way he liked it always leaving his mark on me for everyone to see. He was always the possessive type, even before our parents got married. Even before he became so filled with anger and hate, before the drinking and drugs he always wanted every to know I was his — everyone except for our parents that is. My mom wouldn’t let me date. She was worried I would get knocked up by some looser and become a teen mother like she had. Billy never wanted me to come to his place. He didn’t want me around his dad. I didn’t understand why he had taken other girls home before me. It wasn’t until we all moved in together that I realized he was scared of his dad and didn’t want me around. He was trying to protect me. He would always pick me up a few doors down from my house, and we would park at the beach in his car. In secret like what we were doing was wrong. I often wondered if we were more open about our relationship if things would have turned out differently. If our parents would have started screwing if they knew their kids where. But we can't go back, and it is what it is. Our parents got married, and now we have to pretend like were one happy family. Like my little sister is not miserable. Like where not all scared of our abusive father figure. When he loses his temper, I can see how scared my mom gets, how she wants to intervene but never does. I sometimes wonder if he hits her too. He never laid a hand on my sister or me, not yet. “Billy, stop. Everyone home. What if someone walks in?” I pleaded with him as I forced myself to turn away from him and continue packing my sisters’ things. We were only separated for a second before he pulled me back to him. My ass was pressed against his rock-hard erection. “Seriously?” I teased him. “I can't control myself around you.” He said as he started to leave a trail of kisses down my neck, stopping at the curve where my shoulder met neck. He bit down hard causing a slight yelp to escape my lips. He reached up and put a hand over my mouth holding in my moan as he kissed over his bite mark that would be left there for days. I rubbed my ass up against him causing him to moan out and loosen his hand on my mouth. I pulled back slightly from him and bit down hard on his fingers. He pulled back and yelled out as he shook his hand as if he was trying to shake away the pain. “You bitch.” He snapped at me. “Keep your voice down,” I said as I walked over and took his hand in mine and kissed it better. “Now we're even,” I said as I pulled on my sweater to cover up the bite mark, he had left. “What am I going to do with you?” He said. “Nothing except leave me alone before father sees you in here,” I told him. “He’s not your father!” He snapped at me. “Yeah tell that to my mom.” I reminded him causing him to growl from anger literally. “Fuck this; I should just tell them the truth and let them deal with it.” He responded. “No, you can't do that.” I snapped at him as I reached out for his hand. I was so worried that in a fit of rage he would expose us that I could not hold back my voice. “What can’t he do!” His dad yelled as he pushed open the door so hard it slammed into the wall leaving a hole where the doorknob hit. “Nothing.” Billy quickly answered as we jumped apart. “Answer the question!” He yelled causing my mom to peek around the corner curious about what's happening. “What's going on dear?” She asked. “Mind your business!” He yelled at her. “What where the two of you doing in Max’s room with the door closed?” He yelled as he stormed over and slammed Billy into the wall. “Stop!” I yelled scared that he was going to hurt Billy again. “Shut up!” He yelled at me. “Don’t talk to her like that!” Billy yelled back at him. In response Billy got punched in the face so hard he fell to the ground. “Stop, he was just helping me carry some boxes!” I yelled out trying to talk some sense into him. “Is that what you were doing?” He yelled at Billy who did not answer as he tried to push himself up off the ground. “Then why was the door shut!” He asked. “I was just trying to help.” Billy lied causing his dad to kick him hard in the ribs. “Don’t lie to me boy. You think I don’t know you, don’t know the perverted thoughts that run through your head when you look at your sister!” He yelled as he kicked him again. “Stop!” I yelled as I ran in-between them. “Leslie no!” Mom yelled but did not move from where she stood. “Really he was just helping me move a heavy box. Please stop hurting him.” I begged through the tears I could no longer hold back. “No more closed doors, not in this house or the next!” He yelled before storming out of the room. Mom quickly and quietly followed after him. “Oh my god, Billy are you okay?” I asked as I tried to help him up, but he slapped my hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me!” He yelled as he forced himself up. He clutched onto his stomach, and I was worried that he might have a broken or cracked rib. “Billy let me help,” I begged as I tried to reach for him again. “I don’t need your help. This is your fault!” He yelled. “My fault, how?” I asked as I stepped back hurt by his words. “If you could just keep your goddam voice down.” He snapped as he got close staring down at me. His cheek was black and blue already, and his lip was busted open. I wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him but he would not let me. “You don’t scare me, Billy. And I told you a hundred times we shouldn’t fool around in the house.” I reminded him. “You can try and blame this on me all you want, but I am the one who has tried to end this,” I told him as I pointed from me to him. “You’re the one who won't let it go.” I snapped at him. “Well consider it officially ended.” He said before storming out of the room. A few seconds later Max walked back into her room. “What was that all about?” She asked as she looked at the mess in her room. “None of your dam business!” I yelled as I stormed out of her room and into mine. I slammed the door behind me wanting to be left alone. I had been sitting on my bed for less than five seconds when the door was pushed open by Neil. “No more closed doors.” He told me. I just turned my back to him pretending he did not exist until he finally walked away leaving me to cry silently over how much my life had fallen to shit.

[thedeviljudges]

based on this adorable comic where spf chapstick prevents an area of skin - in the shape of lips - from being burned.

Billy remembers the grief he’d gone through when his summer tan slipped away slowly as fall, then winter, then spring hit Hawkins. He’d been used to golden flesh, how easily it remained in California year-round because soaking up the sun had always been easy living in a state where there wasn’t anything less.

But now- now he feels it on his skin again for the first time in two years. The sun in Hawkins, despite Dustin’s insistence that the world used the same source of light, differed greatly. It was warm there, but not enough, always a lingering chill in the air from harsh winters that chapped his cheeks red, turned his lips pale blue.

Billy sighs under shrieks of laughter in the distance, under the sun on a hot day, thankful to be away, to be gone from Hawkins and its misery. There had been good moments, couldn’t deny the fact that he’d built a small family unlike anything he’d ever known, but sometimes the worst drowned out the good, fought tooth and nail not to let it completely ruin him.

And it almost did. It almost ate him whole, so when Billy nudges Steve’s shoulder, catches those deep brown eyes in the glow of the sun, he thinks how lucky he survived it all so he could have this.

“What’s on your mind?” Steve asks softly. There’s sweat clinging to his brow, dampening his hair. It falls loosely against his face, unruly yet soft, and there’s a shine to it, a glaze of red undertones that aren’t noticeable anywhere else. The ends are curling, too, and Billy wonders what it’d look like if it coiled a little more.

Eventually, he settles his gaze on Steve’s rosy red cheeks, knows he’s probably burning from the heat he isn’t used to, and yet he looks happy nonetheless. “Nothing,” Billy says against the backdrop of the waves swimming towards the shore.

It isn’t a lie, per se, but he’s content for the first time in a long time. Billy doesn’t feel the burn in his veins anymore, almost like the fire within him had been dashed out as soon as they’d crossed the Indiana state line. Where the Come Back Soon! sign mocked him through feigned pleasantries that only existed in the vacuum of a small-town. He’d felt regret, of sorts, for leaving Max behind – for leaving all the kids behind, if were honest – but Steve had promised him they’d be okay, that phones existed and so did airplanes.

“You wouldn’t be looking at me like that if it was really nothing.”

Billy ducks his head, grins sheepishly at the accusation. “I’m happy,” he admits, lifts his head up only to cock it to the side, at the wonder of how easily that had slipped off his tongue. Billy doesn’t like emotions, doesn’t like admitting he has them because it means tackling the unsavory selection alongside the good ones. It’s a work in process, the tension that clings to him when he admits defeat, it a strong contender against Steve’s reminder that he’s safe, and he’s loved and that Billy’s not going to be punished for feeling.

He opens his mouth to take it back, to attach another slew of words to keep the moment from turning on its head, though quickly realizing that if he does that, that might actually be what does it anyway.

But Steve’s there with his hand against Billy’s knee, fingers curling around the jut of the bone. He scoots himself closer, unapologetic for doing so, especially around other people on the beach. Billy instantly relaxes against him.

“Yeah?” Steve says softly, tone drifting into exasperation, like Billy hasn’t looked him in the eye and specifically told him he loves him, like Steve’s hearing the echo of love in Billy’s voice for the first time all over again.

Billy’s maybe not said it in so many words, but he’s shown it in the best way he knows how. He likes handholding, and he likes Steve’s hugs. Billy loves it most when he traces Steve’s freckles, counts them over and over again like he doesn’t already know the exact number across the length of Steve’s body, the one hiding just behind his ear. When they’re together, Billy swears he smiles a lot more, feels his toes curl when he wakes up next to Steve in their bed, loves kissing every inch of exposed skin.

With deep blue eyes, Billy blinks his sharp gaze across Steve’s, sketches this moment to memory before nodding. “You say it like you had nothing to do with it.”

Steve snorts, nudges Billy’s shoulder again, grinning back at him before looking out to the water, out to the horizon. “Can’t take all the blame for that one,” he says.

Billy knows what he means when he says that, how Steve can’t be Billy’s entire stepping stone. Billy also can’t give away his progress, the one he worked on himself, but it’d be unfair to say that Steve hadn’t been an influence. Billy knew that one or the other would win out – loving Steve like he deserved or crashing and burning, used and withered in self-hate as alcohol become the only friend he’d have left to abuse.

The sharp pain from biting his lip brings Billy back around, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever rid of gratification. Out of every path he could’ve stumbled down, he’d like to think he chose the right one. It certainly feels like the right one.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, this time with confidence bleeding out the nerves. Billy knows he could’ve fucked off to god knows where all on his own, without Steve by his side. He could’ve ended up in any state, in any city, and Billy hadn’t actually been positive he’d wanted to come back to California after he’d been forced to leave it, but he remembers the day the wind blew Steve’s hair across his face - the way he cursed, ran his fingers through it, mumbled that he needed a haircut – and Billy asked him if he’d like for them to be together.

The moment Steve stammered out the inevitable I’d follow you anywhere, Billy felt obligation leak into his system. “Would you mind California for awhile?” he’d asked. “Got some things to show you.”

Steve’s grin couldn’t’ve been anything less than perfect.

Now though, Billy has shown Steve his hometown, has led him across the best shops, the hideaway restaurants that serve the best food. He’s taken him to visit his mother even if all that’s left is a simple gravestone kept tidy by the groundskeeper, Billy expressing his regret for not visiting sooner.

They haven’t settled here permanently, at least Billy doesn’t think so, but right now, he thinks he could stay here forever.

“Well, it’s good you think so,” Steve counters, taps his fingers against Billy’s knee. He’s pale – they both are, still – but Steve insisted on sunscreen, on protection because we both know who’ll look a lobster, Billy, and that is not a look I’m willing to rock, even for you. There’s white specks in between his fingers where Steve’s forgotten to rub the lotion in all the way. It’s made him a little ashy and sticky all over, but Billy hums as he presses a finger into the dip between two knuckles, rubbing away. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”

Here on a sunny day, Billy knows they should still be careful, but he’s a lot laxer than he was before. It’s why when Steve leans over and presses pink, chapstick-lined lips against Billy’s arm, he doesn’t make a scene, doesn’t pull away from the affection that Steve so easily gives. He feels thrilled, pleasantly at ease without the burden of hate waiting for him back home because the best thing Billy gets to go home to now is Steve and their apartment and their life they’ve built for themselves far away from insular traditions.

“You hungry?” Billy says in reply, squeezes Steve’s hand atop his knee to let him know his words did not go amiss. But his stomach growls in between that, Steve snickering between curling his toes in the sand one final time and standing up.

“Yeah,” Steve says, looks at his shorts and immediately knows it’s a lost cause trying to sweep off the sand. “Then you can take me home.”

Billy knows it as soon as Steve looks at him that his eyes aren’t glittering brightly just from the sun now. He crooks a brow, says nothing more, but presses his lips against the corner of Steve’s mouth. “Then c’mon, pretty boy. Let’s get you fed.”

They don’t hold hands on the way to the car, but Billy feels Steve’s presence right behind him, feels him close as gravity keeping him grounded, feels Steve’s warmth almost as liquid fire as the sun’s. It’s how Billy feels two days later when the pink of his skin has faded into a light shade of brown in the early morning light just before work, when he’s toweling off and picking his hair into loose, stringy curls.

Billy almost misses it, the distinct difference in color against the top of his arm, but he swipes at the mirror, water droplets falling until he’s left with a clear view.

“What’s that?” Steve says sleepily, interrupting Billy’s scrutiny by shuffling into the bathroom. Billy doesn’t think he has a favorite version of Steve, but if one ever beats out the rest, it’s usually this one, Steve half-naked because Jesus, Billy; you could’ve said how fucking hot it is here, and hair a wild, unruly mess that Steve almost always gives up on taming.

“I don’t know,” he says, turning back to the mirror. He doesn’t get to it first, feels his hand fall away from his skin as Steve’s thumb rubs against the mark. With each blink of his lashes, he slowly wakes, mouth twisting into a frown first, then into a delighted smile.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Just oh?”

Slowly, Steve’s gaze slides up to Billy’s, satisfaction fusing with the rise of his brows. “It’s uh,” he shrugs, thumbs the mark again before nudging Billy to turn to the side. “It’s my lips.”

It’s not hard to miss them as soon as Billy looks in the mirror. His eyes widen just a fraction, stares down at his arm and snorts. “This isn’t what I meant when I said you could mark me, Harrington.”

Steve’s face blooms into full enjoyment, a little flush in the cheeks, falling forward until he’s pressed into Billy’s back, muffling everything but the vibrations of his amusement. “I’m sorry,” he says, but he doesn’t sound like he means it at all, sliding his hands around Billy’s waist. “I’ll find a Band-Aid, something more to cover it.” Gently, Steve rests his chin on Billy’s shoulder, squeezes him once before letting go.

Billy doesn’t let him go, though, not yet, not when he still has a few minutes to spare, unwilling to distance himself from Steve’s orbit quite yet. He turns, gently pulls Steve by his wrist until they’re pressed together again, only this time, Billy smiles kindly. “Couldn’t think of a better way to start my day.”

“I could think of one,” Steve says off-handedly, sliding his hands across Billy’s chest, encircling his neck.

“Is that a dare?” Billy meets Steve halfway, palms on his hips, pressed close, the steam of the shower a distant reminder that he’d gotten up for work, that that’s a thing he does now so he and Steve can have many more moments like this together.

He’s met with a shrug, though, nonchalant but enticing. “Did it sound like one?”

When Billy’s hip meets the corner of the cold sink, he feels the prickle of goosebumps crawl across his skin. He also witnesses the patient gaze on Steve’s face, like he’s got all the time in the world. “You’re very tempting,” he says inevitably, hates how Steve makes his knees weak, makes his heart jump even after all this time.

“I’m always tempting.” Incredulity colors Steve’s tone, like Billy would ever think he isn’t. But the truth lies in the confidence of Steve’s embrace, how he doesn’t pull away but rather leans in to press a lingering kiss against the sharp line of Billy’s jaw.

Sometimes Billy feels like maybe there will come a day when that might wane, when they’re older, grown used to each other’s habits. Billy thinks of the future differently, in varying hues of color and vibrancy, that maybe they actually have a chance of making it that far. The thought alone makes him melt, lets his body linger against Steve’s before he’s nudging the other boy out of the bathroom, back into the bedroom.

“Yeah,” he says breathlessly as the gentle shove he gives Steve lands him sprawled out across the bed. Billy joins him, settles in between Steve’s thighs. “Yeah, you kinda are.”