#when tali calls him drunk and tells him he can pretend all he wants but he cares about the crew and liara

[varyen]

Javik: you and the turian are …. Joined ?

Shepard: you could say that

Javik: I’m not. Your pheromones are.

Shepard:

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @normandyzine! I really need to write some Garrus/Shep, it’s shameful I have none after romancing him for two games.

…

…

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…

Shepard was drunk. No, she was just tipsy. The tingling in her fingers hadn’t quite reached the rest of her body and her cheeks were merely warm. She could walk in a straight line, shoot in a straight line, and fight like nobody’s business. The only thing she couldn’t do was dance, but she’d never been able to do that in the first place.

She wished she was drunk, though. That would actually explain why she had just missed such an easy target. Biting her cheek as she lowered her rifle, Shepard glared at the beer bottle falling down into the Citadel’s pool. This was ridiculous; she’d made harder shots in her sleep. Hell, even drunk, she’d survived a battle or two. This was just downright embarrassing.

Judging by Wrex’s boisterous guffaw and Garrus’ barely concealed laughter, her companions knew it too. Shepard resisted the urge to turn around and glare at them. Instead, she checked her gun’s scope again, vainly hoping for a faulty component.

“I calibrated it myself,” Garrus called out from behind her, still chuckling. He sounded smug as fuck. “Don’t pretend it’s the gun’s fault.”

Joker snorted, mirth colouring his voice. Clearly, he’d drunk enough to think he was safe if he teased her. “Surely she wouldn’t do something so unprofessional.”

Clearly, she hadn’t ingrained fear into his bones yet.

Even in the night, there was no end to traffic in the Citadel. Vehicles zipped along above, their lights making a laser path through the open air. And despite all that noise, she could still hear the three buffoons behind her. Shepard spun on her heel and glared. “Want to say that again?”

“No, ma’am,” Joker immediately chimed. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or if he was serious. These days, he had been taking more liberties than usual and she missed the time when he’d actually taken her anger seriously.

“What happened to your aim while I was gone? You slacking off?” Wrex guffawed again, his foot stomping on the bridge hard. The citadel had been made to withstand a large variety of alien races, of all sizes, shapes, and strengths. Somehow, it still shuddered. There were few things that could withstand a Krogan.

“Shepard? Slacking off?” Garrus shook his head dismissively. “Can you imagine it?”

Joker shuddered. Forgetting her warning, he commented, “I don’t think she even knows the meaning of relaxing. Do you know how hard it was to convince her to give us a vacation?”

“I mean, to be fair, do we even have time for that?” Garrus admitted reluctantly, picking up another bottle from his duffel bag. The poor thing looked overstuffed; as ever, he was overprepared. Even for something as silly as this shooting contest.

“It’s not like it’d kill us,” Joker complained, crossing his arms. His gun was at his feet, too far to be useful should Shepard decide to do anything. Perhaps he hadn’t had enough near-death experiences to be prepared. She was more than willing to correct that.

Unfortunately, there was little she could do to stop the other two from talking. Garrus shook his head and corrected, “It would kill us. This is what, the third time we have to save the world in as many years? If we took the day off, who knows what could happen.”

“I’m right here,” Shepard bit out, annoyed by the back and forth.

Joker continued as though she hadn’t said anything. “There are other Spectres, right? I’m sure they’ll pick up the slack—hell, they probably need to, we’ve been doing their job for them.”

The universe was going to end in a few days. Maybe she should make sure their days end even before that. They were at the top of the Presidium. They were all drunk. A single push and she could claim it was an accident. She already had Grunt to replace Wrex’s firepower and Tali was shaping up to be an expert marksman.

As for Joker…well, Edi could fly well enough on her own.

“With that aim, she’ll kill you anyways,” Wrex taunted. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing with that smirk of his.

She might as well do it now while there were no witnesses. It couldn’t be that hard to assassinate a drunk Krogan. Shepard raised her gun, aiming at them. “Oi, peanut gallery. Shut up.” She pointed the gun at Wrex. “And I’m not slacking off. I’m just…tipsy.”

“Tipsy?” Wrex picked up his gun and waved it around. “I’ve had better shots while black-out drunk.”

“You’re always drunk,” Shepard dismissed, dropping her gun and stalking over to the equipment bag. “It’s a self defense mechanism. But since you’re so confident, you’re next.”

Garrus chortled as readied his arm. “You heard the lady.”

“When has she ever been a lady?” Wrex questioned. His gun looked like a toy in his big hands. In all honesty, this competition was heavily skewed against him. For all of Wrex’s battle prowess, he had never been one for shooting or aiming. Then again, with his strength, he never needed to.

“Just go already,” Shepard barked before turning her glare towards Joker. She felt surge of satisfaction when he flinched. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you.”

“Fuck,” Joker cursed, taking a step back, his crutch slipping slightly on the metal floor. He chuckled nervously. “That was a…self defense mechanism?”

“Don’t think Edi’ll save your ass,” Shepard warned, taking a threatening step forward. “You might be dating our ship but I’m still her commander.”

Garrus threw the bottle at the same time.

Wrex pulled the trigger, missing entirely. Even before the bottle crashed into the water, Wrex spun on his heel. He snapped his attention to Joker. “You’re dating the Normandy?”

“Edi’s not the Normandy!” Joker protested, holding up a hand and its crutch. His brow furrowed, his smile turning crooked as he tried to explain. “Or well, she is, but not just? She’s more than that now.”

“Oh, so you admit you’re dating a ship,” Garrus teased, his eyes crinkling. They’d been trying to get Joker to say it aloud for weeks now.

Meanwhile, Wrex looked like he had been hit with a bomb. “I always knew you were special, but…”

“It’s my fault.” Shepard sighed, rubbing her neck. She gazed out dramatically into the brightly lit Presidium. “I should have given him more vacation days.”

“Would that have helped?” Wrex questioned, his gun hanging limply by his side.

“You guys know I can hear this, right?” Joker asked, pouting.

“Probably not.” Shepard shrugged, ignoring him. Revenge was sweet. Smirking wickedly, she pointed at Wrex’s gun. “What was that last shot? Are you slacking off now that you’re a dad?”

“If only.” Wrex blanched, looking more exhausted and terrified than he had on any of their missions together. And considering they had saved the universe several times over, that was saying something. Shepard had heard from Eve just how obsessive the women had gotten after Mordin’s sacrifice; she could only imagine Wrex’s pain.

There were enough rumours about how Krogan sex was just like Krogan warfare: messy, bloody, and utterly destructive. Shepard had never wanted to confirm if that was true. Seeing Wrex was enough of an answer without getting nightmares.

She felt a tinge of sympathy and patted his back lightly. “Maybe you should have Grunt help.”

“You trying to kill me?” Wrex growled, shuddering.

“Fair point.” Shepard wasn’t sure what’d be worse: Grunt declaring war on everything that breathed, or a dozen little ones with his exact temperament. She jabbed her chin at Garrus. “You’re up.”

“I’ll throw.” If the gun looked like a toy in Wrex’s hands, the bottle looked like a doll’s toy.

“Don’t break it,” Joker warned. “Death Angel over there already has the advantage.”

“It’s Archangel,” Garrus corrected immediately, raising his gun. “And even if I had a hand behind my back and both eyes closed, I’d beat you.”

Joker’s shoulders slumped. He leaned on a crutch and tugged on his baseball cap with his other hand. “I know you’re joking, but somehow it feels like you could.”

“Who said I was joking?” Garrus teased, his eye pressed against the scope. Despite his response, he was clearly already focused and tuning out the conversation.

Wrex didn’t so much as grunt as he hurled the bottle, not even bothering to warn anyone. “Try that!”

There was a small bang and the glass shattered. Tiny pieces of glass rained down. Garrus lowered his gun and smirked. “And that’s how it’s done.”

Shepard scrunched her nose, annoyed. A smug Garrus was insufferable. “Show off.”

Wrex laughed, shaking his head. “Show off.”

Joker sighed, utterly used to this. “Show off.”

“I can feel the jealousy.” Garrus patted his gun affectionately. “Maybe if you took better care of your gear, you’d have better aim.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Wrex grunted, picking up another bottle. “The only thing that’s different about you is the rule bending. Who’s next?”

“Nah, he’s gotten cockier,” Shepard chimed in with a shit-eating grin as she watched Garrus.

“Is that even possible?” Joker held out his hand for a gun. “It’s my turn, right?”

“I can’t believe you actually want to compete with us.” Garrus handed over his weapon. He rifled through the bag and pulled out another bottle. “Maybe you should stick to what you’re good at.”

“Then’d he’d do nothing,” Shepard quipped, taking the pot-shot.

“Oh, fuck you.” Joker awkwardly held up his gun with one hand. It shook lightly as he tried to steady his aim. “I can shoot just fine.”

“You’re shakier than an earth worm.” Garrus winded up his arm and hurled the bottle.

Joker gritted his teeth and pulled the trigger. Still intact, the bottle arced through the air and fell into the pool with a soft splash. “Aww, come on.”

Shepard laughed. “Your aim’s as good as ever.”

Joker dropped his gun. “I’ll remember that the next time you’re telling me to fly fast between two ships.” He raised his nose and huffed. “Maybe I won’t do it.”

“And risk breaking your girlfriend?” Shepard snorted as she plucked two beer bottles from the cooler. She handed one over to him. “Promises, promises.”

Joker scowled as he accepted the drink. “Screw you.”

“Hey, don’t take my job,” Garrus sniped, taking a swig from his beer. “She barely has time for me.”

“You still have to tell me how this happened.” Wrex didn’t bother with small sips. He just downed the bottle in one go and grabbed a second. “I’m not sure which is more unbelievable, Shepard or Vakarian.”

“Maybe after we’re done.” Garrus tapped his bottle. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for love talk.”

Shepard shook her head. “Me neither.” She set down her bottle beside her and gazed out into the Citadel. Lights twinkled from the various shops lining the structure and she could hear the distant din of crowds wandering the streets.

“Guess this is it,” Joker finally said, breaking the silence. He leaned on his crutch as he stared at his bottle. “Didn’t think I’d spend my last day getting insulted.”

“Why not?” Shepard quipped, sitting down on the edge of the bridge. Planting a hand behind her, she leaned back and took another sip. “That’s everyday for you, right?”

“Ha. Ha.” Joker rolled his eyes. “Very funny. But seriously. Can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with.”

“Aside from EDI?” Garrus asked. Shepard knew there was a reason they got along so well.

Joker groaned. “You’re never going to shut up about that, are you?”

Wrex laughed. It echoed through the night air. “Why would we?”

“Right, right. My mistake,” Joker grumbled. He drank angrily before tossing his empty bottle off the bridge.

“Litterbug,” Garrus chided before sitting down next to Shepard. “But I get the feeling. I can’t think of anything better to do either. Well, maybe one thing…” He trailed off, smirking.

Shepard bumped shoulders with Garrus and rolled her eyes at his last comment. “You guys are getting real sentimental on me. Should I be worried?”

“Probably not.” Garrus bumped back. “Think we can win?”

“Is that even a question?” Wrex interrupted, snorting. “Not like you to doubt.”

“I’m not. Just…” Garrus scratched his jaw as he contemplated his words. “I don’t know. It feels different from all the other times, somehow.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda…bigger?” Joker lifted his baseball cap and fanned his head. “Harder? It’s just different.”

Shepard lowered her eyes, understanding. It did feel different. Like it was the accumulation of experiences, like she had been preparing for this fight for years. In a way, she had been—she just couldn’t have expected it when she’d first landed on Eden Prime, when she’d first glimpsed the unknown.

But she’d pulled a trigger back then, whether she knew it or not. The next fight was just the bullet finally leaving the chamber.

She’d have to make sure it struck true.

Shepard cleared her throat. She’d never been good at reassuring crap, but after all they’d been through, they were her friends more than they were just crewmates. If nothing else, she had to try. “The stakes are higher, but it’s the same thing we always do: bust in and beat up the baddies. We just have to win. We don’t really have a choice.”

She could feel them staring at her. Garrus broke the silence first. “Was that a pep talk?”

“A terrible one,” Joker chimed in, getting revenge.

Wrex roared, laughing, “Never change, Shepard.”

“Fuck off.” Shepard elbowed Garrus. “Next round. I’ll beat all of you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Garrus set his empty bottle on the side and stood up. He held out his hand as he asked quietly, “But seriously, are you ready?”

She smiled softly as she gripped his hand. “Not really, but that hasn’t stopped me yet.”

He chuckled. “True. You know, you never told me what was the one thing you really wanted to do.”

Shepard stared at him blankly before recalling their car ride earlier. She’d half-forgotten he’d even asked. “That…not sure, really. I know what I want to do after, though.”

Garrus cocked his head. “And that’s?”

“A vacation. A long one.” Shepard stretched her arms above her. “Think the universe can handle itself without me for a month?”

He laughed. “It won’t last half an hour.” Garrus wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeeze. “But I do know a great place to hide away for a while.”

“Oh?” Shepard leaned against him. “I like the sound of that.”

[maskydoolovesmasseffect]

Things Commander Shepard Is No Longer Allowed To Do In Cerberus

I'm Commander Shepard and I can not breathe in space.

I am no longer allowed to shoot forever with no regards for such concepts as "limited ammunition."

I am not allowed to just slap omnigel on everything anymore.

Firefights are not good times to ask people about their personal lives or what's been going on for the last two years.

I am not allowed to run around off the ship without armor, even if armor seems to be entirely optional for other people.

The Illusive man does not appreciate being casually referred to as "Tim."

I am not allowed to ask TIM about his eyes. He won't tell me.

I am not allowed to glomp Joker. His bones can't take it.

I am not allowed to rename the new Normandy Shippy McShipface.

I am not allowed to spray paint "sucks" over every Cerberus logo that I find in and on the ship.

EDI is not a snowglobe.

Just because I can colour my armor bright pink doesn't mean that I should.

I am not a zombie and should not tell people that I am.

When asked how it's possible for me to be alive, "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A" is not an acceptable explanation.

I was not, in fact, kicked out of hell and certainly not because the Devil was afraid that I'd take over, and I shouldn't tell people that.

Interrupting people is rude, especially if that interruption is a punch to the face.

Don't Fuck with Aria.

I am not allowed to accept drinks from strangers, especially if they're blatantly anti-human batarians in a place with no real laws.  

On a related note, I am not allowed to drink while on duty.

I am not allowed to buy Fornax while on duty. Seriously, your team is embarrassed.

Firefights are not good times to try to hug turians.

I am not allowed to bring a turian into areas with turian-killing diseases. He won't appreciate it.

I am not allowed to ask salarians to slow down. They will not.  

I am not allowed to use death to dodge taxes.

The council is still useless, but it's too late to get rid of them.

Every store on the citadel can not possibly be my favorite.

Collector seekers are not "killer bees."

I am not allowed to call collectors "roach men." It's racist?????

I am not allowed to refer to fighting the collectors as "pest extermination." It’s racist?????

I am not allowed to just let the collectors run around on Horizon's docking area just to avoid having to deal with unpleasant reunions with former crew.

I'm going to have to face the fact that no one is really going to be that happy to see me.

I'm not allowed to interrupt Ashley/Kaidan with a punch to the face.

I'm not allowed to just kidnap Ashley/Kaidan and drag her/him aboard the Normandy.

I am to go the appropriate restroom. If I go to the wrong one, EDI will notice.

I am not allowed to spend all day playing with my toy ships.

The same goes for the hamster.

And the fish.

I am not allowed to turn the Normandy into a petting zoo.

I am not allowed to bring home a varren, no matter how totally awesome that would be.

If the doctor is constantly getting drunk with me, she can't very well fix Garrus' face now can she?

Stop bothering Garrus. He's in the middle of some calibrations.

I am not allowed to call Garrus "Space-Batman." He doesn’t even know who that is.

I am not allowed to name the bridge after Garrus Vakarian because no one crosses Garrus Vakarain and lives.

I am not allowed to get high on Thane.

I am not allowed to be a jerk to Miranda as I am a product of scientific meddling as well.

I am not allowed to stare inappropriately at crew-members no matter what garments they wear (or don't wear.)

Jack will not take any shirt that I offer her now more out of spite than anything, so I may as well stop trying.

I am not allowed to refer to Jack as Captain Jack Sparrow, even if she did mention being a pirate.

Don't bother flirting with Jacob, no matter how difficult it is to help doing so. Seriously, DON'T.

I am not allowed to anything unlocked with Kasumi aboard the ship. It will go missing. Actually, it won’t matter if it’s locked or not.

I misplace my boots because I'm forgetful. It's not OK to blame Kasumi every time I lose something.

I am not allowed to spread rumors about how scale itch was found on the Normandy crew.

I am not allowed to make Kelly dance for my amusement.

I am not allowed to giggle while probing Uranus. It’s unprofessional.

I am not allowed to headbut a krogan.

I am not allowed to peek at dead female krogan under shrouds just to see what female krogan look like.

I am not allowed to insult krogan by comparing them to quarians while Tali is present.

No one wants to dance with me. No one. Ever.

I am not allowed to pretend I listen to bands that I've never actually heard of.

I am not a space-hipster.

Space-cows are people too, apparently.

I am not allowed to harvest any brain-washing vegetation to make evil salads to feed to the council.

I am not allowed to bring geth aboard Quarian ships, especially when the reason for the visit is to dispute the charge of bringing geth onto Quarian ships.

Unlike the Citadel Council, the Quarian Admiralty apparently will accept shouting as valid evidence.

I am not to give mission assignments according to what arrangement I think would be the "funniest."

The three-eyed human reaper can see me.

[tivajunkie]

The History of Us

Here it is. About 1500 words of what was supposed to be a short redo of the “I loved her, Tim” scene that became something else entirely. Enjoy, comment, let me know how I did! :)

“Were you an item this whole time?” Tony and McGee sat on a bench in the courtyard, McGee doing what he could to process everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. Tony sat staring off into the distance, and McGee sat watching Tony.

“You know that summer Gibbs was gone?”

McGee nodded. 

“I went to her apartment every night.”

“Every night?!” Did you…I mean…” McGee trailed off.

“We have a kid, Tim. What do you think?”

McGee shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around the whole incredible, sad, confusing situation. After a moment of silence, Tony continued.

“I loved her, Tim.”

“I know you did.”

“I liked her before that summer, of course. There was certainly a, ah, mutual attraction there.”

McGee rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to tell me,” he muttered.

Tony continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “But after that summer…after that summer, everything changed. The flirting wasn’t just for fun anymore. I meant it.”

McGee thought about it for a minute. “Then why date EJ Barrett? If you knew you loved Ziva? I mean, you went halfway around the world to avenger her ‘death.’”

“And I didn’t plan on coming back from that,” Tony said bluntly. “But as for EJ, think about it. You’re the soon-to-be Very Special Senior Field Agent. You know why.”

A realization dawned on McGee. “Ray. She was dating Ray, and we all thought they were going to get engaged. You were waiting for her, until you thought she was absolutely taken and you had no chance.”

Tony nodded. “I’ll admit, the thing with EJ was more about looking for someone, anyone who would have me for comfort. It was never anything real. I was hurt. I just wanted to feel wanted by anyone.”

McGee shook his head. “And what about Zoe? She was the only real girlfriend you’ve had in the entire time I’ve known you.”

“I thought I was finally ready to move on then. Did you notice anything about her in particular?”

“Well…I didn’t want to say this at the time, but…she kind of reminded me of Ziva.”

“Me too.”

McGee let that realization sit for minute. Finally, he had to ask. “So why did you never tell Ziva?”

“I wanted to. And I tried. After Harper Dearing, after the elevator, and Ray, and everything, I tried. I told her about my mom. I let her keep my boarding school picture on her computer because I liked how it made her smile when she looked at it. I brought her the freaking opera, McGee! One of the big three!” Tony had turned to look at McGee now. “And I think she was starting to understand, starting to get it. We were finally making progress. And then that night happened. The Ziva I had gotten to know shut down, disappeared. I found her in the chapel here on the Navy Yard, talking to God. I listened for a few minutes. She asked for a sign, so I chose then to walk in and check on her.”

Tony looked down at the stroller in front of him. “I got my Ziva back, briefly, in Berlin. You should have seen us on that dance floor, McGee. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a more intimate moment, except for the night we made Tali. She looked drunk in love with me. I probably looked the same at her, actually.” Tony trailed off for a minute, reliving that dance. 

“She got Bodnar, eventually. My Ziva came back again, for a short time, after that. Did you know she invited me to come to Israel, after we quit?”

“I always thought you chased her like you always do.”

Looking back at McGee, Tony frowned. “I chase her?”

“Yeah, Tony. You chase her.”

“Huh. Guess I do. But yeah, she invited me. Told me she was thinking about me, sent me virtual hugs and kisses, encouraged me to come.”

“How long hand you been with her when we finally talked?”

“Not long. Long enough though for Ziva to have already changed her mind about me coming. We talked, and argued, and yelled, and talked, and argued, and yelled some more. I think I knew the whole time she wasn’t coming back with me. But I had to try. One thing led to another and then…” Tony nodded toward the stroller. “If I had known, Tim. If I had known I would have been there in a heartbeat.”

“I know you would have.” The Israeli accent took both agents by surprise. Spinnning around, both agents jaws dropped to see Ziva standing against a tree behind them, watching and, apparently, listening. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she took them in.

Tony stammered. “You’re…you’re alive? I thought – I hoped. I was going to come looking. How much have you heard? Tony swallowed.

“Enough to know that you have loved me for a very, very long time. And that I did not do nearly enough to show you that I love you, too.”

Leaving McGee with Tali, Tony walked around the bench to stand in front of Ziva. Taking his hand in hers, Ziva gazed at Tony softly, taking in the man she had loved for so long. 

“I am sorry, but I have to make this short. I am in danger. We all are in danger actually. There is something I need to do, something I must do alone, to protect all of us. But once it is done, we can be together and be a family, if…if that is what you want,” she faltered. 

“What I want?” Tony removed his hands from Ziva’s, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his forehead against hers. Ziva’s arms came to rest around his neck. “There is nothing in this world that I want more,” he whispered. “I love you, Ziva.”

Ziva smiled, a smile reserved just for him. “I love you too, Tony.” With that they closed the space between them, sealing the moment with a kiss that was sweet and wanting and left them both breathless. Ziva pulled back first, keeping her arms around Tony’s neck.

“Take Tali and wait for me in Paris. I will keep in contact when I can, but  I do not want you knowing where I am for your safety. If someone came calling for me…I cannot lose you, Tony. Not again.”

“Me either. How long will you be gone?”

“I do not know. I will work as quickly as I can.”

Tony sighed. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, single parenthood here I come. I can do this.”

Ziva smiled up at him. “There is no one in the world I trust more.” Tony gave her another quick peck on the lips for that. 

Pulling away to take his hands one more time, Ziva gave Tony one last once over, committing the moment to memory. “I really must go now. I have already stayed longer than I planned. Remember, I love you, Tony. And if you ever forget, just look at our daughter. I am sorry you are just now finding out about her. I promise I will explain and apologize, and explain and apologize again if I must, once our family is truly safe. Can you trust me on that?”

Tony’s mouth quirked up in a grin, a grin that always drove Ziva crazy. The number of times she had thought about crossing the bullpen and kissing that grin right off of his face was far too many times to be appropriate. “There’s no one else I trust more, Sweetcheeks.”

Ziva smiled. “I will talk to you soon, if I can.” With one last kiss to Tony’s lips, Ziva was gone again. 

Tony turned to McGee, who was munching on a Nutter Butter and entertaining Tali, pretending not to listen in on his friends. “Alright, McEavesdropper. What do you have to say?”

“She didn’t even notice I was here!”

“Well, to be fair, I kind of forgot you were here for a second there too. Seeing the love of your life who was supposed to have died 24 hours earlier tends to do that to a person.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“You heard her. I’m going to take Tali and head to Paris. Maybe call Senior. Raise Tali until I know what’s next, I guess. That was basically the plan anyway.”

“You two always were in sync.”

“And Tim, you know you can’t tell anyone about what you just saw. Not even Gibbs.”

“I know, Tony. You’re secret is safe with me.”

“Thanks. Now,” Tony turned to Tali, his best excited dad voice on. “Who wants to go meet Grandpa Gibbs?”

[beatrixacs]

For the asks: 1, 3, 9, 14, 17, 19

Thank you for asking me :) 

1. If you're an author, how many WIPs do you currently have? (Be honest!) I am going to be totally honest, no secrets here. :) Two - one TIVA (NCIS) and one Reylo (Star Wars). More paying attention to the Reylo one at the moment.

3. Do you prefer canonverse or AUs? I prefer canonverse, both in reading and writing, although I do read an AU from time to time. I usually go to read AU when I am too tired of the canon. Generally, it has to be applicable on the given ship (e.g. can’t imagine Beauty and the Beast AU for TIVA but I can imagine it for Sherlolly or Reylo).

9. Fake dating or arranged marriage? Fake dating. Arranged marriage doesn't repulse me, I just have never read a fic with arranged marriage (pretended/fake marriage yes, though, damn I even wrote one and have ideas for more of those).

14. (For authors) Post a line of dialogue from one of your WIPs without context. Lol, I can go on without a dialogue for hundreds of paragraphs so this took some scrolling :D

For TIVA "Yeah, I do. Thanks.” He expressed his gratitude because without her, he would have probably never realized how important for him was to just watch Ziva without constantly taking pictures and babysitting his son.

For Reylo “Tell me what happened.” He murmured into her hair that still smelled of water as if freshly washed.

17. Describe a fic that is still in the 'ideas' stage. A fic? Like 'a fic'? I don't have just one! Though most of it are just ideas, pieces of unrelated dialogues...

There are a couple of those I have developed in my head into full stories, including one of TIVA stories I was forbidden by my friends to ever write because the heartbreak would be too great (no character death). There are also some of those with typical fanfic situations - fake marriage, undercover missions, drunk situations...

I guess the next one I would really love to develop because the other ones usually have some AU condition that doesn't exist in canon is Season 9 alternate ending - Ziva's wedding day to CIRay (I so hated that plot, maybe that's why I keep being fixed on it). To say it briefly, Tony and the rest of the team including CIA and Mossad organize Ziva's kidnapping on the day of her wedding  because they want Ray to catch himself into his own web of lies as he is actually a double agent and traitor. They are afraid Ziva wouldn't believe them otherwise so they rather kidnap her and basically use her as a bait to get Ray finally reveal himself for who he is. Tony is the one who kidnaps her, taking her from the US to a house in Provence, France where they are supposed to wait until everything gets sorted out. There is no TV, no phones, no internet connection, no radio, nothing to know what is happening in the outside world and they are on a secluded places with enough food for two weeks. Well, and, Tony's task is to convince Ziva about Ray's dishonesty which leads to the analyzation of their relationship and so on, while Ziva secretly plans to escape and get to Ray by herself to deal with him for playing her.

19. What's your favourite character headcanon? My favourite character headcanon? Anything that happened to Tony and Ziva post 11x02 doesn't exist for me.

I am capable of dealing with 11x01 and 11x02 storyline but I refuse to accept anything that followed afterwards. Tali is cute and all but I absolutely hate the way she was conceived, introduced and then used against Ziva. Ziva I know would NEVER keep Tali a secret from Tony just because "she doesn't need a man to complete her". BS. And I don't even want to talk about Season 17 and the storyline that didn't make any sense, once again just served as Gibbs-fest and probably made look Ziva even worse in certain points. Some of the actual good details were introduced too late (PTSD for example). That's my opinion, albeit controversial for some and I happily moved on from that so it doesn't exist for me. I don't even reblog all those beautiful parallel gifs with any of the scenes from Season 17 because I hated 99 % of that and it detached me from the ship quite a lot.

So any possible return of Ziva on screen? 

Leave them be, we understand TIVA more than the so-called writers of the show and there has been enough butchering. I already have quite a lot of canons I need to supress in my mind, I don’t really need more.

Fanfic asks