#when shane farted

[nonesenseushi]

My first time posting. I wrote a thing and got told to share it.

The Walking Dead x Male Mute!Reader HC’s

Daryl probably didn’t trust or like you right off the bat:

• He didn’t like how quiet you were, like deadass you never made a sound, even while walking

• Doesn’t realize your mute at first and figured you just thought you were too good to talk to anyone

• Probably has beef with you because you use a bow and arrow

• He soon comes to respect you when you prove your willingness to help protect the group

• Even more so when he realizes you don’t talk because you just 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵

Rick probably trusts you right away, although he isn’t much of a fan of how you just kinda do your own thing:

• He likes that you’ll usually do what he asks(orders) - little does he know that what he tells you to do, you were already planning on doing it

• Because of your quietness, you can easily get in and out of places without being noticed - be that by walkers or people - and he 100% uses that to the group’s advantage

• Rick doesn’t like that you disappear from the group at times, even when your hunkered down somewhere; the prison for example, you’d sometimes just vanish and no one could find you

• When you come back though you usually have stuff that the group needs or wants, so they can’t be too mad

Glenn is pretty neutral towards you at first, although you somehow become pretty good friends:

• He was really unnerved from you at first, with how quiet you were and the hard RBF you got

• Because you both were quiet and quick, you often got sent on runs together and he 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘥 it

• Glenn realized you weren’t so bad when you made a joke one time on a run;

You both were in some sort of hardware store gathering supplies when Glenn bent down to grab something. A fart noised sounded in the store and with how quiet it was, Glenn heard it loud and clear.

He stood up and looked at you in embarrassment, truly believing that sound had come from him, only to stop when he saw the grin on your face and the playful glint in your eye. You repeated the noise, blowing a raspberry at him before your shoulders shook in silent laughter.

• After that you both became good friends

• He also realized that you weren’t some hardass that was constantly judging people

• Although he’s definitely caught you staring at the others when they did something questionable, definitely judging them.

• Glenn always found those moments funny, seeing the look of confusion or disbelief on your face

Carl likes you, he thinks your really cool:

• He thinks it’s really cool how you use a bow and arrow (something Daryl is totally not a little jealous of)

• Would beg you to teach him how to use it

• You would, only to grin and silently laugh when he somehow smacks himself in the face with the bow string

• You of course would apologize for laughing and properly teach him how to use it, although he can’t for the life of him draw it back at first

• Carl also thinks it’s really cool how quiet you are as he gets older

• Young Carl was definitely afraid to approach you because of your RBF

• As he gets older though he admires your stealth and will even ask how to be stealthier like you

Other characters:

Merle:

• Merle was convinced that you were lying about being mute

• He probably followed you one day while you went for a hunt or something to confront you

• You beat his ass six ways till Sunday

• He didn’t pester you after that, although Daryl tried to kick your ass for beating up his brother

Maggie:

• She probably thought you were kinda weird at first

• But she was also really curious about you

• Her and Glenn both went to you about the other, Glenn to be an absolute simp, and Maggie to see if Glenn was truly a good guy

Shane:

• Bro hated you from the start

• Because of how quiet you are, he felt like he was always being watched (he was)

• You always had this blank stare when you looked at him, it made him feel like you knew all his secrets (you did)

• You knew about him sleeping with Lori, at first you didn’t care for it but then Rick showed up and turned out to be her husband

• Shane was only a little thankful that you were mute so you couldn’t tell everyone what you knew

• He still knew that you could destroy him through, so he was very careful

• You only tortured him psychologically a 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦

• Especially after Otis died

• You had gone with them on the run and had supposedly gotten separated from them when the walkers showed up

• Shane knew better by that point though

• You seemed to know everything

Hershel:

• Just like the rest of the group, he didn’t want you on his farm

• He seemed to like you the most though because you didn’t carry a gun - at all - and you weren’t aggressive like Daryl

• It helped that you put your bow and arrows down whenever he asked for no weapons

• Overall you were just respectful towards the man and he appreciated it

[kipercrow]

Stardew Gas (Shane x Male Farmer) (M/M)

The Luau was a wonderful tradition in Pelican Town. Omar being the town’s farmer, always made sure to bring his best ingredients for the big Soup! Everyone gets to put in their own ingredients, and Omar always wanted to show the fruits of his farming. Especially since the governor would come to town just for this event. Since he began getting close to Shane, Omar had been perfecting the way he grew his chillies. It was after all one of the ways he got Shane to see him as a friend, and then eventually a partner. They’ve been dating for a year now, and Shane with the help of Omar, town doctor Harvey, and his therapist in Zuzu City, he’s been able to work on his mental health, and improve a lot! After Joja Mart closed down following the completion of the Community Center, Shane started spending more time with Omar, helping around with the animals. They loved working together. It’s why when it was their turn to add something to the Luau Soup, they both added chillies! The soup was delicious! With the approval of the governor, everyone celebrated, eating more food and joking around with each other.

Late at night, after the Luau ended, full of food Shane and Omar walked back to their shared home together. “Ughh... *gurgle*... I feel a little bloated... oof... too much Joja all-purpose dipping sauce.” Shane said, rubbing his belly. “Same here. We ate so much. Elliot’s bean casserole was phenomenal. I have to ask him for the recipe the next time I see him. You know he told me that he was working on a cookbook.” Omar said. “Oh is that so? Do tell him that chickpeas don’t work in a bean casserole. Too many different textures.” Shane said before smiling. The two of them entered their home, and removed their shoes and walked over to their bedroom to change into their pajamas. Shane put on his blue plaid pajama pants, and an old band tee for Bimar, both Shane and Omar were fans of the band and loved their song ‘Distressed Position’. Omar changed into his black pajama shorts, and a normal t-shirt that just had a cat on it. The two men sat on the couch, and turned on the TV. Even though the Luau was lively, they weren’t tired. Omar’s dog Buddy sat on his bed next to the couch, it was the same dog that Shane’s aunt Marnie found and brought to Omar. Buddy took a liking to Shane almost right away, and has been very beneficial to Shane’s mental health improving. 

Shane rubbed his belly, the food from the Luau was beginning to mix and become gas in his stomach. This wouldn’t be a problem if he was back at Marnie’s home. Shane would usually just take a walk around the barn, and walk past the forests and let out any farts he had on the way. Hell, he’d probably be letting all of his gas out in his bedroom, as long as he kept his window open Marnie wouldn’t mind. But here with Omar things were different. He hadn’t farted in front of Omar yet. Sure he assumed that his loving farmer boyfriend had farted before, he by all proof was a human, and humans fart. He couldn’t fart no matter how bad the gas pains were, he didn’t want to ruin this love. But through the corner of his eye, Shane saw Buddy, sleeping peacefully in his bed. Dogs fart, Shane could totally blame his release on Buddy, Omar has probably blamed his farts on Buddy many times before. Omar was focusing very much into the movie about a team of young adults solving a mystery, he wouldn’t notice Shane farting. 

Shane slightly shifted in his seat, and released a fart blast.

PRBPRRRRBBTTRRTTTTT

The fart was a quick rumble, Shane had hoped that it would be an SBD but oh well, better now to blame the dog. “Ha Wow Buddy that was a good one!” Omar looked at Shane smirking, unbeknownst to Shane, Omar was not buying that at all. He knew that Shane had farted, breaking the barrier in their relationship, it would have been broken weeks ago but Marnie had called the home asking if Shane could bring over some fresh eggs from the barn, before Omar could be the first to let rip. Shane looked back at Omar, and began to internally panic. “W-What? That was the dog. I swear” Shane said, trying to seem calm. Omar shook his head and looked deep into Shane’s eyes.

BRRRAAAAPPTTT

“Yes, the dog.” Omar said, smiling. Shane didn’t know what to say, Omar didn’t buy his lie, and then farted in front of him. “I-I’m sorry Omar. I didn’t mean to lie to you” he said, feeling absolutely awful. “Oh Shane, don’t apologize. You tried to blame a fart on the dog, so what? You’re not the only one feeling the effects of tonight’s Luau meal.” “I just felt embarrassed to do it, in front of you. I was afraid that you’d think that it was gross and wouldn’t want to be with me.” “Shane, I would never ever dump you, especially not over a little fart. It’s not even that gross, heck I have to clean up cow poop now that’s gross. I know it stinks, but they’re happier when they get to let that shit go. So you know it’s like us, I’m happier when you’re able to fart freely in front of me.” Shane smiled after hearing that, and kissed Omar on the cheek, it’s what he needed to hear. Shane and Omar continued to watch the movie together, feeling better now that they’ve broken the fart barrier. Almost 30 minutes later, Omar got hit with a smell of rotten eggs, he looked towards Shane. Shane with a smirk on his face looked at Omar, “What? I’m at my happiest.” Omar cracked up at that comment and he kissed Shane on the lips. “I love you, you smelly cow.” “Moo.” Omar and Shane continued to laugh together and watched the movie till its end.

After the movie ended, Omar and Shane turned off the TV and walked to their bed letting out little farts along the way, taking full advantage of their newfound comfort. They got into bed, Buddy in his bed. Shane felt really happy, he was soaking it in how he was sleeping with his boyfriend, he didn’t need to worry about Jas and Marnie, Buddy was sound asleep, and he was comfortable with Omar. He was so comfortable in fact that he didn’t think twice about releasing some of his gas.

PBRRT

It was a little fart, nothing big to write home about, but it made Shane happy to not have to hold back anymore. “Don’t blame the dog on that weak one.” Omar said cheekily. “Weak?” “Yes baby, weak. That was alright. Here, let me show you better.”

BRRrruuuRRPBRRTT

Omar released a loud fart that slid into a low rumble before coming back up in volume. “That’s how you do it.” “I see, I see. Here, I’m going to take credit for this one.”

PPPRRRBBRTTTTT

Shane let out a big fart, showing how serious he was to prove that he wasn’t weak. “Good Good. That’s better to see babe.” “You got anymore?” “Oh Shanny boy, you won’t be able to beat me. I used to out-fart my dad, and that man is why Mayor Lewis is a mayor and not the town farter.” “Town farter?” “Yeah Lewis used to fart a lot in town when he was younger. My dad beat him so bad in a contest, with a fart that some say is still going on.” “Really? I can’t believe Lewis would be so open about farting. He never seemed like the type to even burp!” Shane, now sitting up, was surprised to learn that Mayor Lewis would be so nonchalant about farting. Sure he knew that Lewis had his secrets, he thought to himself, “I mean Omar did catch Lewis kissing Marnie one night after a pretty eventful night at the Saloon. There was also the time Lewis forgot his underwear in Marnie’s room, Omar doesn’t know but I saw him bring it to Lewis. They don’t think I know but Lewis climbs in through the back window in Marnie’s room.” Omar sat up too, and began talking about the memories his dad told him about Mayor Lewis. “Yeah, when my dad lived here with my grandpa, my dad and Lewis would challenge each other in things. Lewis mainly farted when he was alone, but some days he’d fart in front of my dad to see if he’d do something. But he never thought my dad would fire back, so when one day that he did they set up a contest. My dad said it lasted for about an hour, they were firing back and forth within seconds of each other, they did it in this old home near the lake, he said that place stunk so bad! But after my dad let out a big 10 second fart, Lewis had nothing to return so my dad was declared the winner. Nowadays I notice that whenever Lewis walks by my barn he scrunches his face, like he’s letting something out. I think he uses my cows to block the farts.” Shane couldn’t believe his ears, Lewis a farter? And Omar’s dad beating Lewis, and Omar beating his dad? “Omar can’t be that impressive, if he’s using Lewis as a base.” Shane thought to himself. “Well Omar, if you’re such a pro-farter let’s see who can stink out this joint. Make Pelican Town think your cows have started to rot!” “You really want to go for it?” Shane pulled his knee to his chest and let out a 4 second bassy fart. “Yeah I’m going for it.” after saying that Shane let out 2 smaller farts back to back. “Oh! I see how it is, watch this!” Omar said before leaning slightly to the left, with his butt facing Shane and let out two bubbly farts that were 3 seconds. “Still want to go against me?” Omar said. Shane stood up and turned around and stuck out his butt, before letting out a wet 5 second fart! “And that was all air baby!” Shane said gloating. 

Omar and Shane kept their eye contact, the room falling silent until they both began to laugh and Shane fell onto the bed. “I love you honey” Shane said, kissing Omar’s cheek. “I love you too. Now if you truly want to start a contest we gotta do it by my dad’s rules.” Seeing that Shane was confused, Omar gave more information. “We pick a day, pig out on a bunch of fart inducing food, and whomever runs out first loses.” Omar punctuated his dad’s rules with a low rumble of a fart. “That sounds like fun, I mean I think we could do some damage to Pelican Town if we go full force-” Shane paused, letting out a wet note. “We should go some place far. Where no one can hear us-” Shane lifting his leg, releasing a loud bubbly fart “Where no one can smell us”. Omar smiled at Shane, letting go a short pop of a fart. “That sounds perfect, we can make the paint peel, in more ways than one.” Omar said, tracing Shane’s arm and stomach with his fingers. Omar releasing a longer bassy fart, punctuating it with tapping Shane on the tip of his nose, “Boop”. Shane smiled. Shane and Omar laid there in silence except for the bursts of gas releasing into the air, it wouldn’t be long before they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Shane finding out about the Marnie and Lewis relationship? And that Lewis won’t openly be with her?

So... how would Shane react? Depending on exactly how he finds out about it.

If Marnie just tells him about it right away, his face express pure cringe, along the lines like "seriously? Out of all the candidates, you chose him?", but then he'll say that it's up to Marnie to decide who she's happy with.

If, on the other hand, Shane catches Lewis late at night trying to sneak in through the window (like a teenager, merciful Yoba 🤦) and scares him or Jas, Shane will make a scene. For where is it seen that local mayor climb like night thief into a house! Shane lives here too! And Jas! Who thought about the girl when that old prick came through the window?! Maybe Jas would have been scared to death and crying!

His attitude towards this not-so-pleasant event changes dramatically when Shane learns that it's kept secret and he's not supposed to tell anyone. If earlier it was cringe, now it's complete confusion mixed with disbelief, anger and disgust.

It's going to take a lot of willpower (or Jas standing next to him, because he's not going to swear in front of her) to keep from screaming and swearing at everyone (mostly Lewis).

"Am I the only adult here?!" The fact that they're actually behaving even worse than teenagers just pissed Shane off. Even more infuriating to him was the fact that it was Lewis' initiative to keep everything a secret from everyone in Pelican Town.

"Marnie, you're letting him treat you like garbage?!"

"Shane, mind your-"

"Shut the fuck up, you old farts, I'm talking to Marnie right now, not you!"

Anyway, there's gonna be a scandal. Shane will say everything he thinks about their mayor and scold him for being a coward, also not forgetting to add that all this talk about "tainted status" is bullshit and a stupid excuse.

"So worried about your status? Then go fuck your status instead."

One of my personal developments in the plot is that Lewis, some time after the scandal, realises that there's really no point in keeping it a secret and that it hurts Marnie's feelings so much. So at the Flower Dance, the Mayor will shout, "Ah, frick it!" and kiss Marnie passionately in full view of everyone. And Marnie will return the favour.

Lewis will expect judgement, but in the end half the residents will just breathe a sigh of relief and shout "Finally!" (Shane will shout louder than everyone), then so the other half will just congratulate Lewis and Marnie. The Mayor is shocked. And feels like a complete arse and an idiot for not doing it sooner.

Shane is still sceptical about Marnie's choice, but it's her choice. The only thing he can do is make sure Lewis doesn't pull something like this in the future, or else the conflict won't be resolved simply by words.

[28gaugeshotgunshells]

TWO'S COMPANY, THREE'S A CROWD

.- TWD, Rick Grimes x F!Reader x Shane Walsh -. part two

__________ A/N: Oh my gosh! I was trying to edit the original and I mis-clicked and deleted it, so here's the re-uploaded version. Thank you all again for your support. This is the second part to TWO'S COMPANY, THREE'S A CROWD! It's recommended that you read that one first for the best experience. __________

It's quiet for a moment, Glenn merely staring at you in a haze of confused surprise. He opens his mouth to speak, and yet nothing comes out; the only audible noise around remains the swooshes of the country breeze. "You mean.. a pregnancy test?" He finally asks, gentle brows furrowed in confusion. "I-.." You pause, before taking in a breath and slowly nodding your head. "Yes. I'd really appreciate if you could.. be discreet about going out and getting that for me."

"YOU'RE PREGNANT!!?!" Glenn suddenly shouts super loud! Goddamn!! Bro could not keep a secret for shit what the fuck!!

"SHUT YOUR FACE GLENN! SHUTUP!!" You shout, covering his mouth with your hand.

"WHAUHOK!!" His voice comes out all muffled, and after giving him the bitch fit death glare for ten seconds you take your hand off.

"YOU! GO GET ME IT NOW!! AND YOU DONT TELL ANYONE!! or else you'll wake up outside of the shitty ass farm fence that doesn't do anything to protect us... and you'll be all alone.. and when you cry no one will hear you.. except the monsters will hear you.. and then they'll eat you up.. or whatever the hell Carol says.. I mean me.. I mean GO GET ME MY SHIT!!!!"

"Um ok." Glenn replies. Then there is silence... and then it smells really bad.

"Awe man.. silent fart." Glenn whispers as he turns around in disappointment and walks off. "OH WAIT! AM GONNA BRING MAGGIE!" He suddenly shouts.

"WHAT NO GLENN! DONT YOU FUCKING DARE! I SAID KEEP IT A SECRET!!!" You shout.

"AM GOING TO GO GET MAGGIE!" Then Glenn runs off!! that little shit!!

You shake your head in anger and then walk off, that fat hoe better bring you back your pregnancy test! You walk back to the residential camp part of the farm, side eyeing Hershel's house as you went. Why did those fat hoes make you sleep outside.. and why was Rick okay with being so hobo.

You miss TV and sitting on the couch.

You let out a large sigh as you walk, but then are interrupted by the sound of distant giggling. You look over and see Carl showing Shane a rock.

"Um, buddy that's gross don't be doin' that." Shane says, his voice heavily southern accented.

Carl says something but you can't hear it over the sound of your inner rage!! SHANE NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR BOY.

Suddenly you bolt over. "HEY! You need to stay away from him!!" You shout at Shane.

Shane frowns at you. "Listen I-"

"Hey mom look-" Carl tries to say.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT SHANE!" You shout back.

"hey mom."

"I wasn't trying to-" Shane attempts to interject.

"mom."

"I DON'T CARE! GET AWAY!" You hiss.

"MOM!!" Carl shouts at the top of his lungs as he shoves a rock in your face.

"WHA-" Your eyes finally focus on the rock.. it.. says poop on it.. and the poop is written with some weird brown substance.. Carl pulls it back and starts laughing his ass off, he laughs so hard that blood starts spurting out of his nose and onto you.

"AHAHAAH- AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He exclaims.

"OH DAMMIT! CARL!" Shane tries to help but you give him the 'gtfo!!' look and he leaves. And so, you deal with Carl's bloody nose all by yourself, and wait for the return of Glenn. But his ass is taking forever.. so you get mad. and take matters into your own hands. You storm up to Dale's RV.

"Oh hey (name)ie poo." Dale coos, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

"Hi dale!" You say very passive aggressively. "Guess what! There's this cloud outside that looks exactly like my toes!"

Dale practically jumps out of the RV and starts aggressively looking all over the sky. You take this moment of distraction to steal one of the guns off the counter and shove it in your pants. You then quickly get out of the RV like you didn't do anything. "

WHERE! WHERE?!" Dale shouts at you.

"I FORGOT!!" You yell back as you run away to the car area.

Dale doesn't even ask you why you're running because he's so obsessed with looking for that one cloud in the sky. You let out a loud phew noise as you head up to the cars. You tap your chin as you look them over. "Hmmm..."

They all look hobo so you let out an angry sigh and just pick the yellow one. You hop in and turn the keys that were in the ignition for whatever reason and then you drive off at full speed. As you drive into town for the pregnancy test you wonder what the hell is taking Glenn and Maggie so long.

--------------

meanwhile

"Hey Glenn."

"What's up, Maggie?"

"English or Spanish?"

--------------

NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. That is the sound of your car driving. "oh yeah I love driving." You say BEFORE HITTING SOME WAKLKER AND HAVING YOUR CAR GO FLYING WHAM!!! You scream and are so scared before everything goes dark..

--------------

Back at the farm, it's gotten really dark. Shane is a stubborn bitch so he's looking around for you because he wants to talk...

"Pookie?" Shane calls out, then he gasps. "POOKIE IS MISSING!"

--------------

Later on you wake up in the dark!

"Rrraaghh.. raggghh!!"

"SHUTUP CARL! I'M TRYNA SLEEP!" You shout instinctively as your eyes shoot open. Your head hurts like a motherfucker, and you can hardly see.

Your eyes take a minute to adjust to the dark.. but when they do.. you see some fat walkur trying to get at you through the windshield!!

"NAH! BROS CLAWING AT ME LIKE IM AN ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET!" You exclaim looking at the big daddy- you mean.. walker.. trying to eat you!! why was it kinda bad though... You think as uour face gets all hot and warm.. like really hot and warm like you had a fever or something... and then you kind of start sweating..

You quickly push those thoughts out of your head because you remember you are a married woman!! you can't have two affairs on your hands!! oopsie poopsie!

Quickly you do some really cool moves and grab your gun somehow and then you shoot the walker, the gunshot being so close hurts the shit outta your ears but like mama raised a fighter not a bitch or whatevr so you climb outta dat car and get running away!! back to the farm!! After a minute of running though you got kind of exhausted so you stopped to catch your breath.. and then you just started walking.

About like 30 minutes passed when you saw headlights nearing and you were like NAH!! who's that!!! and so you were about to jump behind a tree but then you heard a distant "LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING!"

And you were like oh!! So when the car approached you hopped in!!

Shane spoke your name firmly, "What in the world are you doing out here?" He then asked.

But you didn't want to deal with his whiny clingy bullshit so you were like UMMM!! and then you pulled him in for a kiss!! OOPSIE POOPSIE!! then you pulled back and smacked him across the face.

"UGH IM MARRIED WHAT THE HELL!!"

"wHAT YOU KISSED ME!"

"DRIVE ME HOME NOW!!" Then you rode back in silence... When you got back to the farm it was pitch black, but everyone was outside of Hershel's house in a circle.. this was either the start of singing campfire songs and then participating in a crazy dance circle.. or you were getting an intervention.

You get out of the car before Shane and then run up to the circle because you just spotted Glenn. Shane follows shortly after you. You give Glenn the death stare before you look back at the others.

"GUYS WHAT IS GOING ON." You shout.

"No, wut is goin' on wit you!" Rick replies. "You were missin'! Where did you go?"

"I was OUT. okay." You reply, looking away from him.. you didn't want to tell him why you left...

"OUT doin' WUT!? Cheatin' on me again!?" Rick claps back.

EVERYONE GASPS!! and stares at you in shock.

"EXCUSE ME!? HOW DARE YOU! I NEVER DID THAT." You shout.

"I'm not stewpid..." Rick replies, shaking his head.

"mommy what test did you cheat on.. you're gonna have to retake it now.." Carl whispers.

"UM! SPEAKING OF TESTS! (NAME) IS PREGNANT!!" Glenn suddenly shouts.

"WHAT THE FUCK GLENN!"

"UM UM!! I CANT KEEP SECRETS!" Glenn cries out as he opens his bag and then quickly hurls the pregnancy test at your face before running away.

IT HITS YOUR FACE WITH A SMACK AND FALLS ON THE GROUND!! EVERYONE GASPS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU BITCH!!" You flip him off as he runs away.

"IM GONNA BE A DADDY!?" Shane and Rick shout in unison, both holding their head in their hands out of pure shock.

"AY! WUT!" Rick glares at Shane.

"NAW!" Shane glares back.

THEN THEY START DOING A PUNCHOUT AGAIN! SHANE KEEPS TRYING TO STRANGLE RICK WHILE RICK KEEPS TRYING TO SMACK HIS BUTT?! THEY FALL ON THE GROUND AND THEY ARE STILL GOING AT IT!!

"Dogfight!!!!!!!!!!!" Carol shouts.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE DALE JUMPS ON TOP OF THEM, "Group hug.." He says as he creepily caresses them.

"WHAT!!!" They both scream as they suddenly stop fighting and hop up off the ground.

"what.. what happened.. huh.. where am I.." Dale whispers as he wanders back to his RV.

"uhhhh." Rick says.

Then you all stand there in silence.

"She's mah wife so it's mah baby." Rick breaks the ice.

"Um, I didn't pull out so it's MAH baby." Shane retorts. "

WHY YOU SUMOFA-!" Rick starts winding up another punch but then Andrea steps in!!

"guys stop this isn't you."

"ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Rick ums.

You space out while all of this happens.. everything goes silent for you.. what were you gonna do.. and then your eyes flicker over to your left arm.. wait.. what was that.. You look.. and see.. a bite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"OHHH!" You suddenly exclaim in realization, causing everyone's head to snap your way.

"What!?" Everyone replies.

"GUYS! I'm not pregnant! I'm just bit!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

[octuscle]

Vamos a la Playa

Thomas had thought that the flights from Düsseldorf to Mallorca were already a punishment. As beautiful as the island was, on the way there, the owners of fincas in the Serra de Tramuntana or townhouses in Santa Catalina mixed with the boozers and party animals who were on their way to El Arenal or Cala Rajada. But as unpleasant as these people were at the airport or on the plane, that was no comparison to what he was experiencing right now at Stansted. His flight with British Airways had been canceled, he had had to rebook on Ryanair. And instead of a comfortable seat in business class, he was about to have to squeeze into a middle seat in row 34. Thomas took a deep breath. In four hours, he would be in his car, pop the top, and drive through the evening toward his home in Artà.

Waiting at the gate were mostly young men. Most of them already drunk. Playing each other videos on their cell phones. Listened to loud music from boomboxes. All with far too much hand luggage. Undisciplined pushers. When Thomas finally arrived at his seat, it smelled of beer and sweat. There wasn't a cubic centimeter of space left in the overhead compartment for his Louis Vuitton Weekender. And the two young men to his right and left completely ignored his presence, chatting over him in barely intelligible English. Even before the plane took off, Thomas was annoyed. It was cramped, noisy, it stank. The two men to his right and left stretched regularly so that he had their hairy armpits right in his face. And the pinnacle was when the lad in the aisle seat farted loudly and stinkily. First booming laughter from his pals. Then a laughing "Sorry mate, I think I need to take a shit." If that was supposed to be an apology, it was more than questionable. He was getting woozy. Maybe he should take the opportunity that the aisle seat was free, and also go to the toilet once. Of course, both toilets were occupied. The first one that became free was the one of his seat neighbor. "Mate, believe me, you don't want to go there right now." said the young man with an admittedly disarming smile. And farted once more. Thomas now urgently needed to go to the toilet himself. He pushed past his seatmate and closed the door behind him. What a terrible stench. Thomas tried to hold his breath. But he couldn't. And then he had to fart himself. Louder and stronger than ever before in his life. He felt sick from his own stench. And had to vomit into the airplane toilet.

When he stood again and washed his face, he stared into the mirror. Hadn't he been wearing his jacket when he'd gone to the bathroom? And why was he wearing tennis socks and bathing slippers? He had worn his loafers without socks… He was completely confused. Must have been the stench. He shuffled back to his seat. Now he needed a beer. The cans in his weekender were still reasonably cool. He offered Liam and Shane, his seat neighbors, a beer as well. And all three emptied the cans down the drain. Thomas clearly decided the final burping contest in his favor. By the time they were on approach to Palma, the beer and liquor supplies of the three had been eliminated. Liam was already totally drunk again. The lanky fella just couldn't handle anything. The fact that he had pissed his pants while sleeping off his intoxication was fortunately not visible in the already wet shiny training pants. Of his pals, Tom was clearly the most muscular. He liked to show off his biceps. T-shirts were for wimps, he had only packed a couple of tank tops and undershirts for the two weeks of Magaluf. Two more swim trunks and a change of shorts. Everything he needed fit in his fake MCM backpack.

His parents were happy when he announced his arrival at their vacation home with a video call. Tom had kept quiet about the fact that Liam had made a mess of the bathroom while puking, and that Shane had shagged a horny blonde he'd met on the bus to Magaluf in his parents' bed immediately after arriving. The Polish cleaning lady would get silence and pain money next week. And until then, the three of them would drink and fuck like it was only possible on Mallorca.

[gllrimes]

𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝑬𝒍𝒊𝒐’𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈!

𝑹𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒔:

I will be writing smut, fluff, comfort, and angst. I'm not experienced with writing as much as other writers are, so don't expect the best.

No sa or rape of any sort because we don't tolerate that.

No piss/shit/fart kinks ya dirty fucks.

No pedophilia. Age gaps only can consist of five years apart in my story's when 18+

No human servitude.

I write for any sexuality and any gender.

I do write drabbles and hcs.

I don't write agere/little space on this blog, I'll set up another blog for that!!

I don't care how old you are I can't stop you from reading my stuff 😕🙏🏻

Requests are open!!

𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒎𝒔 & 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓

The Walking Dead:

Rick Grimes

Carl Grimes

Daryl Dixon

Negan Smith

Glenn Rhee

Ron Anderson

Enid Rhee

Maggie Rhee

Michonne Grimes

(Bonus: I might write for others too. Maybe Shane idk.)

The End Of The Fucking World:

Alyssa Foley

James (last name unknown)

Heartstopper:

Charlie Spring

Nick Nelson

Tao Xu

Elle Argent

Darcy Olsson

Tara Jones

Sahar Zahid

Issac Henderson

13 Reasons Why:

Clay Jenson

Hannah Baker

Justin Foley

Alex Standall

Jessica Davis

IT:

Bill Denbrough

Richie Tozier

Beverly Marsh

Stanley Uris

Mike Hanlon

Henry Bowers

Patrick Hockstetter

Victor Criss

Belch Huggins

The Flash (IMDb):

Berry Allen

Cisco Ramon

Caitlin Snow

Harry Potter:

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Draco Malfoy

Tom Riddle

James Potter

Remus Lupin

Sirius Black

Mattheo Riddle

Theodore Nott

Regulas Black

Stranger Things:

Mike Wheeler

Will Byers

Jonathan Byers

Nancy Wheeler

Lucas Sinclair

Dustin Henderson

Steve Harrington

Henry Creel

Eleven

Eddie Munson

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Aaron Hotchner

Derek Morgan

Penelope Garcia

Jennifer Jareau

Twilight:

Bella Swan

Edward Cullen

Jasper Hale

Alice Cullen

Rosalie Hale

Carlisle Cullen

Emmett Cullen

Jacob Black

Seth Clearwater

Esme Cullen

Thirteen:

Tracy Freeland

Evie Zamora

Mason Freeland

Melanie Freeland

Anne With An E:

Gilbert Blythe

Anne Shirley

Dianna Berry

Cole Mackenzie

Jerry Baynard

The Goldfinch:

Theodore Decker (older and younger)

Boris Pavlikovsky (older and younger)

The Turning:

Miles Fairchild

Kate Mandell

Flora Fairchild (NO SMUT)

When You Finish Saving The World:

Ziggy Katz

Lila

American Horror Story:

Tate Langdon

Violet Harmon

Kit Walker

Lana Winters

Zoe Benson

Kyle Spencer

Cordelia Goode

Fiona Goode

Jimmy Darling

James Patrick March

Elizabeth/The Countess

Kai Anderson

Winter Anderson

Ally Mayfair-Richards

Austin Sommers

Mr. Gallant

Edward Mott

Rory Monahan

Shameless:

Fiona Gallagher

Lip Gallagher

Ian Gallagher

Mickey Milkovich

Mandy Milkovich

Carl Gallagher

I Believe In Unicorns:

Davina

Sterling

Tokio Hotel:

Bill Kaulitz

Tom Kaulitz

Georg Listing

Gustav Schäfer

Slashers/Halloween movies characters:

Max Dennison

Billy Loomis

Stu Macher

Sydney Prescott

Bo Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Jason Voorhees

Freddy Kruger

Michael Myers

Jason Dean

Patrick Bateman

Brahms Heelshire

BONUS singers/actors/youtubers:

Sam Golbach

Colby Brock

Jake Webber

Albert (flamingo)

The Sturniolo Triplets

Finn Wolfhard

Noah Schnapp

And finally... ALEX TURNER 😋😋 (he's so husband material)

!!PLEASE USE THIS RESPECTFULLY AND WISELY!!

[manicpixieemilygirl]

thoughts of shane x you????

shane x… me?

oh! as in a relationship?!

hehe, i honestly don’t mind the thought of that! out of everyone in pelican town, shane is definitely my closest friend.

he also walks me home sometimes, specifically on nights when i get off work especially late.

so… i wouldn’t mind the thought of something like that. but i do enjoy our friendship a lot.

in short, he’s my little fart muffin.

[shanesbluechicken]

Loved you vampire headcanons!! Could I request some (male) werewolf farmer headcanons with Abigail and Shane?

The farmer is a werewolf (Shane, Abigail)

Since I got two requests I decided to make the ones for Shane gn and the ones for Abigail as requested. I hope that's fine🤗

TW: heavy language

Gender Shane: neutral

Gender Abigail: male

Shane

More headcanons in which Shane walks through life completely clueless. It's not as if he doesn't notice you acting weirder the closer the full moon comes, but he would never ever assume it's because of werewolf reasons. Nah, he thinks you're just like this in general.

What he does notice though is how much you seem to connect with other animals. For example when you go to his aunt's shop and lean onto the fence to stare ar the cows and such and they just stare back?

Shane is usually still awake when the rest of the town is asleep in bed. He made it a habit to wander around some nights and enjoy the dark silence.

What he doesn't expect is hearing a wold howling. Wolves have never been around this area and if he's being honest, the howling sounded a bit off as well. The second time he hears it he listens very closely. Unfortunately he still can't place his finger on what sounds off.

But what he figures is though is the fact that it came from your farm. He is 100% sure.

Concern kicks in and like a good chicken dad that he is, he sprints towards your direction. By the time he arrives he's fully out of breath and feels like passing out, but that doesn't stop him.

Much to his luck you put up some torches around your farm and on the other side of the land he spots a huge silhouette. It's nothing he's ever seen before and he for sure can't even tell what it actually is that he is seeing. Of course it's you.

The two of you lock eyes and you know you fucked up. What do you do? Wait until tomorrow? No, he might wake up the entire town and tell everybody. Go to him RIGHT NOW? He might think you're going to attack him!

You watch him slowly approach your own house and hear him yell your name. Shit.

With slow and cautious steps you make your way towards Shane and lower your head to make him understand that you mean no harm.

Of course our handsome lover boy recognizes those radiant eyes. After all he loses himself in them every chance he gets.

"Holy fucking shit. I thought you're in danger and not that you ARE the danger!"

His words hurt you a bit, but he immediately apologizes. Of course he doesn't see you as something dangerous.

Since Shane loves animals he is absolutely mesmerized by your wolf form.

He's curious about your abilities though, asking if they're staying in your human form as well or if you only have them when you're turning into a wolf.

"Wow, so you can smell farts from miles away?"

Sadly, you can.

Shane is taking your wolf secret to the grave!

He's a bit hesitant to you too close to you in your wolf form. Not because he dislikes it, but he thinks you might not want him close.

Little does he know is that you love it when he pets you! He's so gentle and caring in his movements that everytime you have to fight to stay awake.

Abigail

She knows everything about supernatural creatures there is to know. The fact that she's never seen one doesn't mean she doesn't believe they exist and guess what! Werewolves are her absolute favorite.

You find out about it pretty soon in your relationship when she's inviting you to her room and you see that her bookshelves are stacked with fantasy books about werewolves and other shape shifters.

She is the first and actually the only one to notice that with your arrival something else came as well. Meaning she keeps finding paw prints on the ground that are way too big to belong to a normal forest animal. As she gathers more clues and keeps track of these strange occurrences she notices fairly quickly that the prints, scratch marks etc are only appearing on one certain day in the month.

By now the excitement is rushing through her like an avalanche down a mountain.

You're the first person to know about her great discovery, because she knows that you're the only one who will believe her.

Considering her open and outgoing behavior regarding this topic you feel pretty confident about telling her.

If she wasn't a simp for you before then she sure as fuck is one now. Why wouldn't she be? She's found herself a sexy werewolf guy!

Of course she insists on being with you during every full moon. If there is anything she adores more than you then it's the wolf-you.

As soon as you shift she can't keep her hands off you, because duh you're extremely soft!

Abigail also tries to be as helpful as she can by carrying your clothes around when you're a wolf. Before you became a couple it happened quite often that you either ripped your clothes or forgot where you left them.

"My boyfriend is a werewolf!"

"Ssshhhh, not so loud!"

Many nights she spends most of the time taking a nap on you since you're even bigger than some double beds.

Masterlist

[bellascarousel]

Accountability check-in 9-30-24

Why yes, yes I keep changing the format of these things. I'm weird. You should all know that by now.

Anyway! Today I accomplished:

Survived a day at work. Including having to take all the money out of one of the self-checkout machines and putting it back to fix an issue that SHOULD have been fixed last night, but my boss had a brain fart. And cleaning up the jar of spaghetti sauce that a customer broke in front of the register. I also may have uttered the phrase "if this phone doesn't stop ringing, I'm going to rip the cord out and strangle myself with it." It's been a day.

Wrote scene analysis and summaries for 2 scenes. I have 6 more to go to finish this step of revision prep. Home stretch! (Also I totally need to share a couple paragraphs when I'm done writing this. They make me giggle.) 505 words

Wrote about half of Shane's character sheet. I'm really liking what I'm getting from him. And I think he's going to be interesting to write - especially with Maddie. I MAY have the argument that leads to the break-up writing itself in my head, already. 801 words

Worked on the next chapter of Ruined. 582 words. Though, some of that is being deleted. Along with some of what I wrote yesterday. I've gotten to a really intense scene that I am loving. But, I kind of hate the entire transition between the scene in the carriage to the one outside their bedroom door.

Read 10 pages of The Unexpected Duchess. Want to keep reading, but it's my bedtime. Maybe if I get my writing done before work, tomorrow, I can just read the entire last 90 pages of this book when I get home. That will be my incentive, I think.

And, that's it.

[areyouafraid]

tbf i agree with everything noah said here and i mean yeah hopefully this does dissuade some of shane or sean or whatever the fuck his name is' prepubescent followers to get off youtube and just go watch spongebob or something instead of soul-poisoning redditor word vomit but this is an incredibly depressing video both because of the actual content and because he felt like he needed to make an hour long video to "prove" that this guy is a fucking idiot which imo should just be obvious but what drives me up the wall is how confidently TBYS's fans rally behind whatever he says when like. i do not say shit like this lightly but is a genuinely unintelligent human being. in the few clips you see of his face there's just nothing behind the eyes at all. i do think that he does genuinely believe a lot of what he says which goes to show that he operates at like maybe a fifth grade level and that's being generous. you could easily gather more intelligent social commentary from a 480p video of a man farting onto a metal sheet. genuinely praying to christ he hits a rock riding his hoverboard one day and splits his balls open on the asphalt because imagine these people with children

[eccentricallygothic]

on s2 (ep 10) of TWD and my god andrea is so fucking annoying???

no way she justified beth offing herself and then made it about herself???

fine

your choice was your choice (which honestly she was much better getting blown into oblivion at cdc as well as the old fart) but beth is a kid!

you cant just let a kid do that???

would you have let your sister do that? just because you lost your family no one is allowed to have theirs because nOtHiNg rEaLLy mAtTeRs?

i am not a fan of lori but andrea had no right shaming her and arguing with her like that when lori was right. to me it looks like the bitch is always avoiding both sides of the work

someone needs to get this wannabe shane bitch in check

honestly her and shane should just fuck themselves off somewhere

jesus

[nerdyenby]

Red time :D I’m watching Ranboo

I am so behind on vods but it’s MCC day baby!!!!!!!

This team is gonna be so good, so silly but I think they could win

THE DRESS IS STUNNING KING but why the magenta eye makeup?? it adds to the unhinged vibe lol

Ranboo doesn’t know what sequins are?????

“I don’t mean anything that I say ever, any of the time, just so everyone knows” my streamer

HAPPY ROSH HASHANAH EVERYONE!!! <333

“Don’t be pissed at me if I don’t do well ❤️” why are they like this /pos

Ranboo’s religious side screaming for help every time he wears a dress 😭😭😭

Bad news: freedom of speech isnow behind a paywall, Good news: the money goes to charity

The M rating is exclusively so they can say death threats

“I swear to god, be funny!!! ‘Haha I said funny jokes’ I KILL YOU!! Guys it’s all jokes <3 it’s all jokes and it’s all love <333”

Shelby INSTANTLY gaslighting Ranboo into believing the audibly farted, I adore this duo with all my soul

Ran and Shelby are now pushoverduo <333 /s

WATER DOESNT HAVE A TASTE

I love this team so much

You can watch Ranboo but watch out, it’s a slippery slope to the “HELP HELPPPPP” vocal stim

Bingo enthusiasts my beloved

Ranboo just screaming when Shelby called them sexist 😂😂😂

Michael is a genuinely good sandkeeper, he just needs a team that will hype him up and respect him

The way I knew exactly where Ran was going lmao

Ranboo staring into the camera when they start talking about saw

Oh…. Ok……

Bingo but Fast

BINGOOOOOOOOOO

I missed bingo so much, it’s not even funny

He found a Michael you guys

“Wait can we take fall damage?” “I don’t think so” *falls to his death*

Gosh, I am still not used to the new caves, they’re so beautiful and scary

“I’m so smell and dumb :(” “that’s okay!!”

Holy crap the top 4 teams are all so close

“That was fun… well, it’s all downhill from here” SHELBY 😂😂😂

Parkour Tag

Them being excited to play it because they all hate it lol

Ran losing their absolute mind in parkour tag, maybe this game is fun

Shane is killing me actually

“I don’t feel strongly about anything” same!!!

This team is so funny holy

“Oh we’re in tenth right now” “No we’re not” Shane 😂😂😂

“Guys we’re better than a bunch of 40 year olds” “they’re not 40!!!!!” “They’re 50 theyre 50 theyre 50” this team oh my god

Ran calling Skeppy homophobic and Shane’s “I mean… is it-?”

“Who are we going up against? Who am I?” “You’re Ranboo” “Oh ok, that’s right” their chemistry has no right to be so good what the

I love Joel and Shane’s rivalry, neither of them know why they’re rivals but they are

I haven’t laughed this hard in absolute ages holy

Meltdown

“I can’t believe we have beef with the goddamn Pack”

“Are we supposed to be doing something?” THATS MY S-TIER

Tubbo threatening to tweet Ran’s address, beeduo crumbs /s /s /s

Red and pink’s beef is the funniest thing ever oh my god

Hole in the Wall

They’re so all over the place they mean everything to me

My streamer’s favorite color is 3, so true

“Skeppy’s having problems” “aren’t we all?”

The reactions to Shane saying his nose is bleeding lmao “What we’re you inhaling?” “Air”

“GUYS ITS BLUE- oh wait, it’s red” Shane 😭😭😭

“We’re all just gamers” “We’re all gay” so true

SHELBY POPPING OFFFFFFFF

Everyone hyping her up <333

Ranboo insisting they’re not bothered by different pronunciations whilst sounding progressively more bothered

Parkour Warrior

Ranboo?? Screaming????? Noooo…. /s

Vod muted Sadge

They’re popping off!!!!!!

Ran screaming at purpled to get a job and then instantly apologizing 😂😂😂

That drop lmao, it happens to Ran’s team every time

Ranboo got prescribed adhd meds today FINALLY /lh (I’m a psychology student and have adhd lol)

Skybattle

They’re surviving!!!!

Ran 2nd!!!!!!

Them avenging Michael’s honor my beloved

Shelby and Shane hiding in a hole lol

SHANE WILDIN

SHANE’S LEVI PLAY WHAT THE?!????!?!!

I could go off about how the amount of alcohol on MCC day correlates to how chill contemporary events are, everyone’s just here for a good time and it’s so much better this way

TGTTOSAWAF

WHY ARE WE PLAYING TGTTOS?????? I thought the final two were sands and grid :( /nm

Nothing like spontaneous karaoke over discord <333

“I AM FULLY STRAIGHT, I AM SO GODDAMN STRAIGHT, I AM NOT TILTED”

Ran was tabbed out but I’m imagining Michael and Scar holding the door open for each other lol

I have a headache lol

Grid Runners

I’m actually entirely okay with this tbh

Shane cheating pogchamp

Ran and Shelby “no u”-ing in the stone pyramid lol

That search the house was CLEAN

THEYRE SO GOOD AT THIS HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Michael is so tipsy lmao

Ranboo in third, who woulda thunk

Dodgebolt

This was an amazing time, this team was wild

Oli v Ollie!!!!!!

“Everyone’s scared of Jojo and they should be” SO TRUE SHELBY SHUBBLE

“I actually have seen Sapnap miss these” lmao Shane

Them chanting Gem’s name <333

Aw rip, gg

Great times, great vibes <3

[sardonic-the-writer]

Hey, you seem cool and I saw your posts about watcher, could you explain some of it? It looks epic!

First of all thank you so much!! Second of all, Ill do my best to justify it, but I highly recommend simply going to their YouTube channel to support the company directly and everyone that works there. They have all their series like Too Many Spirits, Ghost Files, Puppet History and so much more all in convenient playlists for the public. If my ask doesn't satisfy you enough I cannot recommend checking out @wearewatcher @trashworldblog and @bergoozter blogs enough!

I'll try to keep this short, but basically the main building blocks for this three year old (I think) company called Watcher Entertainment is Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej and Steven Lim. Three best friends who wanted to end a contract with a company that was limiting their creative freedom, namely Buzzfeed, so they could go on to do more. And the company was born—unfortunately right as the pandemic started.

They preserved through and the products are amazing. Ghost Files this year (or last year seeing as 2023 started officially an hour ago for me) got their channel to the first million views ever I believe, which is amazing. It helped bring back a lot of their old audience from Buzzfeed Unsolved and throw them into their other works like Puppet History.

Now, Puppet History is exactly what it sounds like. A fuzzy blue puppet teaching people about history. Sometime inbetween learning about getting thrown out of windows and a lady surviving the propellers of the Titanic, some crazy lore gets thrown in there. I wont say anything though becuase my dear anon that would be spoiling things for you.

Shane's the main cause of that show though. He constructed almost all of it in lockdown I belive. Building everything from scratch—from the stage to all the puppet—puppetering all of them and voicing them all as well. It's his pride and joy.

Ghost Files however is Ryan's baby. He loved Buzzfeed Unsolved when it was still happening and from my understanding it hurt like a BITCH to give that show up. But he did, mainly for all us, just so he could go on to do so much more. Thanks for that Bergoozer. But the funny part is, the show is about hunting ghosts. Capturing proof and all. Shane doesn't belive in any of that stuff. Ghosts? Nah. Aliens? Zip. Demons? Zero. Big fat goose egg. Meanwhile Ryan's in a corner crying and rocking himself when they come anywhere close to contact with a supposed supernatural being.

It's part of what makes the show so entertaining. Not just how hilarious it is knowing Ryan's afraid of his biggest hobby, but also the realness of it all. In the first episode I nearly post of laughing becuase a camera man farted. And while yeah farts are funny, after I was done laughing I realized they could have cut the part about them all admiting it was a farther, and just pretended they had found evidence. But they didn't. And if that doesn't nail it home for you that these people are serious and loving when it comes to their content, I don't know what will.

Also, Steven is a great cook. He eats a shit ton apparently (see Watchers latest episode) and owes a rat puppet a good meal, but honestly I could go on forever about that man. He's just so weird and stupid and crazy. I love him. Highly recommend watching Too Many Spirits just for the crazy names he gives the drinks he makes.

Probably weren't expecting an essay about all this, but this is just my long winded response in saying— go watch their stuff. Support the company. Support the creators. Support the fandom! God knows Watcher recognizes their fandom and appreciates them so much for everything. They repost fanart goddamnit. Name one company that does that almost everyday multiple times a day, if at all.

Cheers mate and happy new year.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

What kind of drunk would the villagers of SDV be? 👀

Heh, it was so funny to write the answer to this ask right after my own hangover. Quite the experience, I would say 😅

I hope, anon, you don't mind if I don't write about Evelyn and George and the kids on this ask, because trying to imagine them drunk... is an unpleasant thought for me. But I will describe all the others (if I do not forget about someone). Thanks for your ask! ❤️

Drunk SDV villagers (except Evelyn, George and kids):

Oh what music! After 3 or 4 glasses of sambuca, Emily feels much more energetic (even more than usual) and simply has to find a potential victim partner to dance until they both fall to exhaustion. In the morning, however, she does not remember anything.

In general, Sebastian despises the taste of alcohol, but somehow he decided to try something like Amaretto coffee or Irish coffee (basically coffee with liqueur or whiskey). Yuck, Sebby didn't appreciate it. The taste of alcohol is terrible and now he feels sleepy and weak. And he can't ride his motorcycle in that condition. It sucks, now he's a mischievous and sleepy drunk.

Jodi is always busy cleaning the house and cooking, so she has almost no time to relax. But if she does get a chance to have a glass of wine with Caroline and Marnie, then she will be more cheerful and a little more chatty, nothing hardcore.

Preferring more green tea and coffee, Caroline, however, also agrees to hang out with friends with the bottle of something strong. Being slightly drunk from a couple of glasses of wine, Caroline will chuckle at her friends' every joke, and may even decide to order a stronger drink. True, all the energy leaves quickly and she immediately becomes drowsy drunk.

Cheerful and energetic, Abigail is ready to conquer mountains after a few strong cocktails. A drunk girl teeters on the edge of "noisy party soul" and "I'm ready to get into any fight for my homies." Luckily, she's not drunk enough to stubbornly go into the mines with a sword in her condition.

Marnie, having drunk about 5 glasses of wine, becomes flirty drunk. And Lewis's slightly angry comments about the fact that she can work on their secret relationship does not bother her at all. It's been a long time since she felt so cheerful and carefree, just like when she was young, ah...

Lewis, meanwhile, teeters somewhere between "paranoid drunk" and "sleazy drunk." At his age, it's not very useful to drink so much alcohol, and now to keep an eye on Marnie, who, as he thinks, will now blather everything about the two of them to everyone. Damn it, you can rest calmly without worries, you old fart.

Let's race, who's faster? Or let's fight on the hands? Alex wants the competition to prove that even though he's a little tipsy, he's still the best. Although the next day he will be ashamed if during the fun he broke some dishes or chair, and apologize to everyone.

Shane canonically is a depressed drunk. He sits in a corner of the Saloon and drinks mostly alone. Please don't touch him, otherwise he will transform from a depressed drunk into an angry drunk. And you definitely don't want to see Shane drunk AND angry.

If the Saloon has karaoke, then Elliott will be always there after drinking mugs of strong ale or wine. Apart from his loud singing, he becomes reckless enough to spontaneously do anything. Gus or the others often help Elliott get home before the failed singer (sorry Elliott, but you write so much better than you sing) hurts himself or others. The poor guy would later lock himself up in his cabin for a couple of days when he found out about his drunken adventures.

After an extra drink, Sam suddenly becomes overly affectionate and touchy-feely. In a state of intoxication, it seems to him that he did not hug someone enough, or that he was not hugged enough. Hug him please, he's like a little puppy.

Linus doesn't drink alcohol, but sometimes in the harvest seasons in the forest he often comes across fermented fruits and berries. Linus almost always processes them carefully before eating so that he doesn't get more intoxicated during dinner, but sometimes he can occasionally eat some raw fermented grapes before bed. He perfectly understands which fruits are more fermented or less. But he treats this without fanaticism, because the main goal is to eat, not get drunk.

"What if? No, it's impossible. But what if I use that formula, and... Nah, it still won't work. But what if I... No no no. Or maybe yes? Or maybe..." The constant ebb and flow of ideas for new inventions is a typical behavior for Maru when she has a drink that is quite strong for her. This will continue until she falls asleep. It is good that her brother is nearby and help her.

Ah, for old Willy there's nothing better than a bottle of mead after a hard day of fishing. So to speak, to celebrate a successful catch. He most often drinks alone, even when in the Saloon, but can occasionally tell his fishing stories to Marlon, Gil, or Clint with a few drinks. And no matter how much he drinks, he will remain the same. Honestly, as if in the mug not alcohol, but just water!

Penny will never touch a drink, but there was a case when she accidentally drank Sam's cocktail, confusing it with her glass of juice. She immediately became sloppy drunk, embarrassed by her condition and making haste to get home. Penny doesn't understand how her mother can enjoy such a state.

Oh, the doctor knows that in small doses, wine can even be beneficial to the body. But when, by coincidence, Harvey has to drink more than his body can handle, then this is a complete blackout. He doesn't remember anything and prays that he did not do anything obscene.

Pam is an aggressive drunk. This is even more noticeable when her order for another beer is delayed by more than five minutes. Mostly this is a verbal skirmish, Pam will not show physical aggression (unless it concerns her daughter. For her sake, she will grab anyone by the throat, and she does not need alcohol for this).

Usually Wizard is always strict about alcohol, but there are times when you just want to get drunk. Given that he always drinks alone, he is most often sad drunk, remembering the old days when he and his ex were still together. If anyone (Farmer) wants to console him, then let them mentally prepare for an hour-long story about his ex-wife, youth, and that "the grass used to be greener."

Marlon will also remember the old days with a glass of whiskey along with Gil, but unlike the same Wizard, Marlon's stories are more filled with fun and excitement. Usually he is strict and silent, but when a little drunk, he opens up a little more, with his comrade remembering their adventures when the young guys just embarked on the path of an adventurer. These old people deserve some rest and fun.

Pierre considers a couple of strong cocktails a well-deserved reward after a hard week at work. The alcohol in his blood makes him more talkative, but now his tongue is tangled up so that you no longer understand whether Pierre asked to repeat the order, or somehow insulted you.

The last cocktail was obviously superfluous, but Haley didn't care. She wants to have fun, and why is the music so quiet, and let's all dance, and she already changed her mind don't touch her, and anyway where is her other cocktail? Cheerful, energetic, but at the same time more capricious - this is how it goes.

Kent has been very wary of drinking since he returned to Stardew Valley. After all he's been through, it's very easy to drown at the bottom of the bottle, and he doesn't want to get to that point. He still has his family. So he asks Gus, Marlon or Willy to stop him if he gets depressed drunk after a mug of beer or two.

Ah, the tango began to play in the music machine! Robin will not miss the opportunity to dance with her husband to passionate music. She usually asks her husband, but after a few sips of ale, Robin pulled Demetrius off the table and onto the dance floor with almost one tug.

The same Demetrius, after drinking, was very sleepy, but the whole life flashed before the eyes of the poor scientist, when his dearest wife grabbed his hand and he heard the words "tango". Demetrius loves Robin and will not refuse her a dance, but still, a strong drink affected the scientist's vestibular apparatus, and he dances no better than a rag doll. But it looks funny Maru and Sebastian will definitely film this on camera as compromising evidence for the future.

Clint has a fairly high tolerance for alcohol, so he probably drinks almost every day. Even in the cinema, he manages to smuggle alcohol under the guise of Joja Cola. So you can call him secret drunk: no matter how much he drinks, he does not look drunk. Just like Willy.

[awek-s]

I hope this doesn’t change ur opinion of me but one of my fave moments of television is when shane heard a noise and he and ryan thought it was a ghost and were about to investigate but it was actually their crew member farting and ryan lost his shit laughing

[browser5]

Is this a Interrogation?

The following day, Adam walked around the house, trying to remember the vows, the protocol and everything else. As he walks into the living room, reading his cheat sheet, his stumbles over someones legs.

Shane

Watch it fish n chips

Shane was sitting there, playing on his phone with his feet up.

Adam

My apologies, I didn't see you there

Adam made his way out, not wanting to disturb, as Shane holds him off

Shane

Oh by the way, now that I see you, My dad asked you to go see him

Adam

Um alright...Where is he?

Shane

Second floor, door at the end.

He thanked him and walked up to the second floor. He knocked and opened the door, as there was no answer after the third knock. It was the master bedroom of the house.

Adam

Hello?...Isaac?

He heard a “In here” behind another door. He quickly looked around and saw, to his relief, another open door to the master bathroom. That means, that surely he wasn't going to enter another bathroom, filled with a horrible odor, bringing tears to your eyes.

Reluctantly he enters the room, only to discover his father-in-law on the toilet.

Isaac

There you are, right *Mmnn* on time

Adam stops, and by the look on his face, you could tell that he didn't want to go in there.

Adam

Excuse me, I'll wait til you come out

Issac

Boy get in here, you smelt the boys shit, now you can smell mine for 5 minutes. Shut the door

Adam walks in and shuts the door behind him, as Isaac asked. Not wanting to be too cruel, Isaac sprayed a little air freshener so that Adam could breath. However, still he held his hand over his nose, trying not to be rude.

Isaac

So, tomorrow is the big day, finally. My little girl is getting married, and you will be the lucky groom.

Adam

Y-Yes,*cough* I'm very lucky to have your daughter as my wife. 

Issac

*grunt* Damn right boy, and you better treat my little girl right or else. 

Isaac threatened Adam as he forced out a grunt and let out a thick log of shit, the smell of his dump was by far the smelliest of the family, and to make things worse the toilet was almost overflowing with Isaac’s thick logs of shit. 

Isaac 

So how's Bridgette been doing? *grunt* *plop* You two planning on making us some grandkids anytime soon? That test of yours came back with good results. Me and her mother aren't getting any younger you know. 

Adam

Gosh, we haven't gotten around to talk about kids yet. 

Isaac 

Well I guess these things take time but *groan* we ain't got all the time in the world boy. As you can see, I made 4 beautiful babies…well I made the batter, Meera is the one who cooked them, if you catch my drift. But from the looks of your test, you shouldn’t have much trouble getting to baking.

Isaac sternly looked at Adam, squinting as he let out a booming fart followed by a nice chunk of shit, at this point the smell was so bad that Adam was sure if he didn't leave the bathroom now he would faint from the smell. With a final liquid blast from his ass, Isaac continued.

Isaac 

Anyways Moving on. *piss sounds* What I asked you here for was this, now that you're going to officially become part of the family, I’m going to need you to loosen up and not be so up tight, like in these ���shitty situations” we been having.

Adam

*clear throat* I understand that, I just didn’t expect something like this to happen. My family has always been quite hush hush about their personal business. So um, seeing you and your sons destroying the toilet so shamelessly and open was very surprising to me.

Isaac 

No we don’t do none of that, a man shits where and when he wants to shit, whats gotta come out has to go out. That’s what I taught my kids and thats what they been doing. *grunt* Except Shane, that one still ain’t comfortable just doing it. Except that one time with you. And as you can see, they learnt from the best. Cans about to overflow, scuse me while I flush. 

Adam let out an inner cheer, as Isaac flushed. They both jumped a little, as the toilet flushed intensely like an airplane toilet. Adam was surprised at Isaac, was he actually welcoming him to the family? AND showing him something like compassion?? He always had the impression that his father in law didn’t think much of him and found him disappointing. But it seems that he was giving him a chance to prove himself.

Adam

My deepest apologies then sir

Isaac 

*Fart* Child what did I just say? You're going to be family soon, so you will call me Dad. Means that I’m still the boss around here you hear? My boys have been very excited to have a new brother in the house, so be grateful for that. 

Adam

A-Alright…dad

Isaac strains a few big logs out as the water splashes. Adam coughs up a little after holding it in so well. He takes the air freshener himself and then sprays a little.

Isaac

Good, glad we got that in the clear, now I’ll-

Adam

Actually si- I mean, dad. I’ve wanted to tell you something

Taken a back, he leans back and squints one more time as he let out a shart.

Isaac

What is it?

Adam

I…don’t know how to say this, but Tad has been *gulp* hitting on me?

Isaac

What do you mean, what did he do?

Adam

He’s been winking at me and kissing me…And from what you’re saying, shane apparently wanted to catch me in the shower? I don’t know what to make of th-

Isaac

Oh that ain’t nothing, the boys just like to toy around with Bridges’ boyfriends. He seems to like you the most out of all of Bridges’ boyfriends though. It's probably because of the time you two talked while he was shittinh his brains out on the toilet while you were in the shower. Bathroom convos are usually how men in this family bond,now it's time you carry that tradition as Bridges’ boyfriend son *fart* Scuse me, fiance. Now boy, I suggest you get on out of here, I gotta wipe and it's not gonna be a pretty sight. 

Not really being reassured, Adam complied leaving his soon to be father in law to wipe his shit coated ass