#when oh when will we know the birds actual name lmao

[blmpff]

Trademark??? Hummm.... blmpff to me is... This absolute masterpiece.

Rose💜

Agreed, that is my bestest #graphicdesignismypassionmoment, all credit goes to Our Lord And Savior

❤️‍🔥 KHUN FEATHERS ❤️‍🔥

simply for existing 🙏

Thank you, Rose 💜

[mire1li]

You tried to steal my daughter so I'm stealing your mother! part 2

So I actually wasn't planning on a part 2 so soon but here it is LMAO Part 1!

Lucifer was… well, wallowing in pity, to say the least. In the hotel, of course, since he was trying guilt-trip Alastor into letting him spend time with you.

Alastor was obviously just going about his business, whilst Charlie was trying to comfort Lucifer.

It was pretty clear he was being a bit over-dramatic but he does it for one reason: to be able to spend time with you, without Alastor.

Ever since Lucifer told Al about you ‘sneaking out’, Alastor hasn’t left your side for a moment, until now, that is.

He was keeping an eye on Lucifer whilst he sent you to represent him in the Overlords meeting that day, since he was clearly unable to go.

Lucifer, sitting in a corner of the lobby, was now making sobbing noises, which only seemed to irritate Alastor (rightfully so)

“Alright, since I am obligated to… remove trash from the hotel premises, leave” Alastor turned to Lucifer and pointed at the door, to which the demon gasped in an over dramatic way.

“Trash?! Perhaps you should see yourself out then?”

Alastor glared at him, slightly pointing his microphone at him before sighing “I’m quite sure Mother would love to know about you insulting her son~”

“Now hold on, you cannot do that! You started this!”

“Yes and it matters not who began it, but who ended it”

“You’re evil!”

“Yes, thank you!” Alastor replied happily, turning back to what he was doing beforehand.

“Hey, we weren’t done talking!”

“Weren’t we?”

“NO?”

“That’s unfortunate, I just so happen to be very busy”

“You’re literally just standing there”

“Exactly! I’m being productive by not wailing like a child!”

“I’m not-! Ok so maybe I was doing that, but I wouldn’t have to if you just let me be around [Name]!”

“Not in a million years”

“Well, actually-“

“Don’t.”

And then you just so happened to return, in time to see the rest of their little argument! So fun.

At this point, Charlie had given up and left to talk with Angel and Husk at the hotel bar.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” You asked the two demons, who looked quite shocked to see you back so soon.

“Ah, Mother! Is the meeting over?”

“It is! It was quite boring, I must say. I have no idea how you do it, darling”

"Yes, can you believe I have to suffer through that each time?"

"It seems like such a hassle, you poor soul" Lucifer chimed in, naturally, rolling his eyes as he said this.

"Thank you for the compassion."

"Stop that, you two! I don't feel like getting caught in the crossfire of yet another one of your fights" you sighed, moving Alastor away from Lucifer. Sometimes you wondered how Alastor hasn't been murdered by him yet. Clearly some sort of miracle!

"Oh, but Mother! I cannot possibly allow this… scoundrel to take up much of your time!"

"Scoundrel?!" Lucifer screeched, it would be safe to assume he preferred 'Little bird' over 'scoundrel'… but it's not like Alastor cared much! He'd just go ahead and switch between the two.

"Yes, 'scoundrel'! When was the last time you were honest about something?"

"Earlier today before [Name] returned!"

"Are you referring to that insult?"

"Perhaps I am"

"You see, Mother? A true rat, right here! He admitted to insulting me!"

"You started it first though!"

You sighed again, joining Charlie, Angel and Husk at the bar. By this point, it's just the area everyone goes to when Lucifer and Alastor are arguing in the hotel.

"Don't ya deal with that on most days?" Angel asked, turning to you as you sat down on one of the stools.

"Surely it gets exhausting?" he added, surpringly pushing away a shot of some kind of alcohol that he was offered.

"Yes, however… I suppose I have Charlie to help. Although, she tends to be a bit unsuccessful…"

"I'm trying! They're like… like… ah! I don't know but they're something!"

You turned back to look at the two, the sight before you… less than pleasant: Alastor and Lucifer were fighting… kind of. They were essentially trying to push the other out the hotel… it wasn't necessarily too violent, rather childish instead.

"Absolute morons… hey, no! I'll be taking that back!" Angel shouted as Husk took the shot away from him.

"Absolutely not"

"Oh come on!"

"You shouldn't be drinking in the first place!" Charlie, of course, interrupted them, pointing a finger at Angel as he was now trying to reach over the counter.

"Then why offer it to me?!"

"To test your morale, of course" Husk poured out the contents of the shot glass and placed it somewhere off to the side.

"No! What a waste!" Angel Dust whined, now leaning on the counter in defeat, looking at the empty shot glass.

"UNLOCK THIS DOOR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Alastor could be heard, faintly shouting from outside the hotel. Somehow, Lucifer had managed to lock Al out. You wondered what would come of this predicament between them, though you were sure it would be nothing good.

You walked over to Lucifer "Luci-"

"Dear! Let's ignore this whole thing, yeah?" He grinned, putting his arm around your shoulder and side-hugging you, beginning to walk in the opposite direction from the front door.

"Okay wait, wait, wait!" You didn't allow him to simply walk away from the situation at hand. Him simply looking at you with the most innocent expression ever!

"I am not going to ignore that you locked my child out of the hotel!" your tone amused, as you exclaimed, turning back to face the door. Certainly, you weren't mad, it was quite a… silly situation, to say the least.

"It's fine! I'm sure he's capable enough demon to get back in"

"Yes, you would be correct about that" Alastor grinned, appearing right in between the two of you, lightly swatting Lucifer away from himself before dusting off himself (supposedly from Lucifer).

Lucifer, absolutely flabbergasted, looked at the entrance, the door being wide open and Charlie awkwardly waving, with a sheepish smile on her face.

"Charlie!"

"Yeees?"

"You let him in?!" Lucifer cried out, putting his hand on his chest. "My own child betrayed me!"

"I didn't betray you! … Kind of"

"Yeah! Kind of!"

"Sorry! Aha..ha…" she chuckled, awkwardly side-stepping back to her room.

You waved to her as she entered the hallway and disappeared from sight. Having almost forgotten about Angel and Husk, you could see Angel recovering from a laughing fit, whilst Husk sat there amused, cleaning the shot glass from earlier.

"Well then, little bird, I would say it's time for you to leave!"

"I beg to differ! I haven't been here that long yet!"

"Certainly long enough for me" Alastor shrugged, pushing Lucifer towards the exit.

"Uhh, no, I'm not leaving that easily this time!"

"Ah, so irritating" Alastor sighed, taking your hand and leading you away from him again.

"I believe I'll be sticking around until I'm too busy with my duties to do so! Out of spite, of course~"

Okay… why don't you two calm down? Oh! I know! Why don't we spend some time together painting each others nails!"

"What?"

"Mother, I refuse-"

"It wasn't a request!"

@montis-posts @sleepdeprived-barelyalive here you go!

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Save a Horse (16+) Cowboy!Reader

Sort of a part two of this

A/N: I could have sworn I had an ask about saving a horse but I couldn't find it anywhere. If I can find it, I'll let whoever requested it know it's been posted but yeah. Hope this is okay, it's a bit late and I am very tired. Also this wasn't the fic I was going to originally post but I remembered it was basically written lmao. Slightly scared about posting this but we move and groove

Description: The team are all at a bar and cowboy just can't resist JJ ;)

Warnings: Hints towards nsfw, I've put 16+ to be safe but it's nothing drastic

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17 @pinxeajin

After just finishing a case, you all decided to celebrate. With a bar and casino right across the road, it felt like fate. None of you were drunk, barely one drink in when JJ reaches for your hat and you're quick to dodge it.

"Ma'am, I feel inclined to let you know if you take a cowboys hat, you have to ride the cowboy," 

JJ raises an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?" She asks. 

"Yes Ma'am, I don't make the rules,"

She looks around, making sure none of the team are paying attention, before she reaches across and plucks the hat from your head, placing it on her head. Your jaw drops. 

"What was that rule again?" Your brain short-circuits because holy fuck that was hot. “You okay there cowboy?”

“I-” The sentence dies in your throat. “Can I marry you?” You whisper.

JJ pulls away as she looks up at you, “Seriously?” 

Shit. Seriously yes or seriously no get the fuck away from me? Unsure, you simply nod. She smiles, grabbing your shirt and pulling you forwards, crashing her lips against yours. “That a yes?”

“Sorry, of course it’s a yes,” She grins. 

“Ma’am I have one more question,” She looks up at you with a smile, “Can we go get married now? I just really wanna follow that first rule,” 

She thinks for a moment before nodding, “Okay, but we do this properly after. I want a white wedding as well.”

“Deal,” You agree immediately, “I’ll get Garcia and Morgan, you get Reid and Prentiss? I’ll get Hotch and Rossi too,” When JJ nods you spring into action, you clock Morgan and Garcia quickly, Hotch and Rossi in a corner, talking like civilised men, not far from the pair. You make your way over to them quickly, fully prepared to shove anyone out of the way. 

“Yeah, y’all need to follow us,” You said, grabbing Morgan’s arm with one hand, Penelope’s with the other. 

“What? Why?”

“No time to explain,” You say, making eye contact with Hotch and Rossi in the corner you call over to them, “Hotch! Rossi! Follow me! No time to explain, less talkin’ more walkin’!”

You lead them from the bar (and dance floor) through the pool table and the gambling, straight to the typical casino chapel. 

“Er, what exactly are we doing here?” Hotch asked, turning to you.

“This reminds me of my third wedding.” Rossi comments.

“JJ n I are gettin’ married,” You stated. Garcia gives a loud squeal, hugging you both. 

“Finally! Go! Go! Go!” She shoos you over the receptionist. 

Reid, always the voice of reason turns to the pair of you: “I thought JJ said you weren’t going to elope?”

“She took my hat,” You said, like that explained everything. 

“What exactly does that mean?”

“If you take a cowboy’s hat you gotta ride the cowboy,” JJ said.

You blush heavily looking at JJ in disbelief that she actually told them, as the team turns to look at you, “Wait, you’re doing this to get laid?” Emily asks.

“Hey, hey, that’s not the only reason. It’s just… another reason,” You said, “I knew I was gonna marry her long before when I told you her name was Darla,”

Twenty minutes of you pacing and Morgan looking like he wanted to murder you, you’re in the ‘chapel’. And you want to hit times two speed on the officiant, feeling like he’s talking two words a minute. 

“Yeah, Imma level with you here,” You say, leaning closer to the officiant, “Imma need you to talk a lil faster,” JJ laughs loudly at the desperation in your tone. 

The officiant gives you a strange look for a split second before its gone. Afterall, it wasn’t his job to judge. Eventually, you made it to the vowels.

“I don’t know if I can think straight enough for vowels,” You say honestly, ignoring Emily and Morgan snort in the background, “I love you so fuckin’ much and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I’m keeping this short, I’ll make a better one at the other wedding,”

JJ smiles, rolling her eyes slightly, “I love you too.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

“Oh thank god,” You mumble, you look at her with a smile, with your hands on her cheeks, you begin to close the gap between your lips - wanting to savour this moment. JJ’s hand snakes up to the back of your head and she closes the small gap between you. 

You wasted no time, turning to the team, “Thank y’all for comin’, but we needta get goin’.”

“Cowboy’s gonna get laid!” Morgan cheers, Penelope, Emily and Spencer quickly join in. The pair of you blush.

You don’t say anything, just lightly take JJ’s hand and the pair of you make your way back to your hotel room - which was conveniently just across the road (man, you loved Vegas). You barely greet the receptionist, the pair of you practically running to the elevator. You unlocked the door, letting JJ in before shutting and locking it behind her. Your shoes and jacket come off first before you turn to her. 

“Now, tell me, cowboy, what was that other rule we have to follow tonight?”

“Man, I love you so much.”

[fade to black ;)]

[bones4thecats]

I'm not sure if you accepting RoR request but can I request Shiva, Buddha, Qin Shi Huang and Nikola Tesla with a fem reader that's Nyarlathotep? (crawling chaos from HP Lovecraft) she looks normal and even cute most of the time but she can be very much terrifying when turning into her cosmic horror form or if she wants to just mess around with the gods (mostly Zeus and Odin) by messing with their heads most of the time and they can't do much because she's an outer god but around them she's very sweet and helpful and ties her best to push away her violent tendencies for their sake

Type of Writing: Request Characters: Shiva, Buddha, Qin Shi Huang, and Nikola Tesla Name: {Character} with a Nyarlathotep! Reader Requester: Anonymous

A/N: At this point, I may as well make a page dedicated to my H.P. Lovecraft-themed Reader pieces, since I've written like three pieces now! It's ironic because of how much I love reading about these characters, lmao

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🪩 This man thrives on destruction, he's the God of it for crying out loud!

🪩 When he first met you, you and your father, Azathoth, were attending the Gods' Council meeting, and you were one of the Gods who decided to spare Humanity, and when asked by him, you just replied with a sly

" Oh, I do not wish for them to live because of pity or love, silly! Quite the opposite, actually! Humans have caused so much chaos and madness, it's wonderful! And, I plan on keeping them for as long as I find them enjoyable. Now, ta-ta~ "

🪩 He'd be lying if he said he didn't find you a hint alluring, you looked far cuter than what was written down, you were always described as a being that looked more 'monstrous' and 'hideous' than anything Humanity could've created

🪩 Shiva and you would normally speak whenever necessary, but, after a while, your more distant bond grew into a blooming friendship and eventual marriage!

🪩 This God definitely doesn't care about how mad you sound with your words, he just fears that maybe one day you'll either say something to the wrong person or you'll end up going unstoppable with madness and get annihilated by a stronger being

🪩 Whenever Loki messes around with Shiva, you end up messing with his mind a lot, prompting Odin to knock you away, which makes you target him, much to his birds' annoyance

🪩 Shiva tried pushing his own violent tendencies away for you and his fellow wives' sake, and because of this, he ends up having a special day every month for him to go out and let out those thoughts and actions, and, when he notices just how much pressure was building on you, he'd take you with him

" Go ahead and blow that massive boulder up! Good job, my Being of Chaos! "

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🍭 This guy was concerned when he first met you, you were seemingly more insane than the other Gods he met, and that included those such as Loki, and we all know how crazy that guy is

🍭 The only reason this guy even spoke to you was because of how strongly your father stood with the destruction of Humanity, every. single. time. that the Gods voted

🍭 Buddha was getting annoyed with how ignorant and oblivious your father was, and he could tell you were as well, and when he asked you about how you truly felt about your father, you acknowledged him, unlike many different Gods, and spoke to him calmly with hidden insanity

" My father is quite ignorant and, to be honest, sometimes even I wonder how in the name of the universe he has so much power. But, let me be honest with you, Buddha. Because of this, he's fun to manipulate. But, don't tell anyone about that, yeah? Yeah! Alright, gotta go, bye! "

🍭 He was quite off-put when he asked Brunhilde about you, and when she said how dangerous and hideous of a being you were, he was confused, you were adorable and seemingly sweet

🍭 Your God-friend and you were some of the only Gods who voted for Humanity's safety, though, you both kept it to yourselves, not wishing to have a certain someone's rage on your asses

🍭 When Ragnarok commenced, you teleported to speak to Brunhilde, telling her your plan of siding with Humanity during the Gods' strongest point to break them down mentally, you did love to watch them struggle, after all!

🍭 After finding out that Buddha was siding with Humanity, you jumped down, causing many to believe you were fighting against him, but, when you announced your defect to their side, your father's rage knew no bounds

" Oh, father, just how much of an ignorant prick can you be? Humanity does have some, decent, qualities to them. And while I may never fully understand them, I will try my best to do so. Anyways, have fun fighting, my dear! "

🍭 Much like Shiva, he appreciates how much you try staying sane around him and the Human Fighters, it lets him know just how much you do care about him

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👑 When Qin first met you, it was because one of your father's minions accidentally caused mass destruction to his home, leaving many lives in ruin and an emperor very, very, upset

👑 You attending the small meeting with your father, though you spent your time screwing around with the nearby humans, causing the ruler to ignore your father's rambles of incoherentness

👑 While he initially disliked how unsettlingly cute yet sadistic you were, once he got to know you a bit better, thanks to some well-spent time on Earth by yourself, he began to see you for what you really were

👑 Being raised by such a cruel yet idiotic being, you really didn't have the best examples when it came to interactions with other brings, heck, you had some of the most horrendous relationships with your two siblings, Nameless Mist and Darkness

👑 During one of your first meetings while on decent terms, he asked you exactly what you were going to do, since he had heard about Ragnarok forming from one of the guards of his

" Ragnarok? It sounds pretty pathetic to me, honestly. Though, I suppose watching the smug smirks of those so called Gods fade would make me smile myself. I kid, I kid! Oh, you see right through me, emperor! Honestly, really it's a funny thing, but, I may side with Humanity in the downfall, you know how I am! "

👑 Qin disliked how cruel and hostile you were with pretty much anyone, but, when he noticed how much softer and seemingly polite you were with his fellow fighters, he would smile to himself

👑 You must really care about him if it meant you were trying to push back the only thing you ever knew behind just so he could be happier and not driven to the brink of insanity himself from stress

" Why am I so kind with the mortals? I figured I was being sneaky with my behavior, oh well! They're far weaker appearing then they really are, I suppose. And I respect that, to a degree. I'm not going soft, damn you! "

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🧪 Nikola Tesla, the man known on Earth as the 'Ultimate Mad Scientist of His Time', and his title alone was enough to interest you

🧪 Once you learned of where he resided in Valhalla, you took a small trip there, leaving a simply written note on the table your father sat at daily, and setting a straight-lined course there

🧪 He was just working on his newest invention when his doors slammed open, making him jump and snap his head back to see a fairly tall humanoid-being standing there

🧪 While he stared at you, you smiled and ran up to him, allowing your form to float above him and ask if he was indeed the human known as 'Nikola Tesla'

🧪 Once reassuring his identity, you began asking about his work, from how he made something so complicated look so seemingly simple, despite the multitude of horrendously long equation written on his chalkboard

🧪 Due to his own curiosity, Nikola had to push himself to ask who and what you were, in which you just laughed and answered him with a honey-coated voice

" Who am I? That's quite surprising, dearest mortal! I am Y/N, the offspring of the Outer God, Azathoth, and the God of Madness, at least in many's eyes I am. Humans are different creatures... ANYWAYS! How about you explain about that, uh, what did you call it again? Ah, yes! The electric engineering, how does that work again? "

🧪 Nikola was very off-put by how devoted you were to being by his side to learn everything he was working on, and, in all honesty, he kinda enjoyed having you around to speak to, it made him feel a little less lonely

🧪 While he was being scolded by Brunhilde for speaking to a God who was said to have only sided with Humanity to make them suffer at their own hands, he couldn't help but argue back with how you were far more gentle with his fellow scientists when working on his armory

" Brunhilde. While I agree with the fact that their father isn't ideal in the slightest, Y/N is going behind his and the multitude of Gods' backs just to help me and my fellow geniuses win Ragnarok. You may not trust them, but I do. Now, I recommend you leave before they arrive, it may get ugly, and I do not wish for their aura to destroy our hard work. "

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

Can we get Riddler's reaction to SO coming home with an injured animal, maybe with a side of 'no, we are not keeping it' but they end up keeping it anyway?

"We are not keeping the damn thing-" Riddler Party x S/O

Oh this is something I'm very familiar with LMAO. I tried to include a variety of animals here.

Not to be lame or a square or w/e but as a general reminder, if you ever find injured wildlife, please contact your local shelters or animal control. These are fantasy scenarios and in most cases- wildlife is either better left alone, you will need strict temporary guidance or they need to be taken care of by professionals. In many places, you need a license to care and keep undomesticated animals.

TW: animal harm and abuse, mentions of dog fighting, medical procedures

Gotham

It all happens so quickly one day when the pair are driving in Gotham. His S/O notices what looks like a small brown bundle in the middle of the road and panics for Edward to stop. Before he can really get an explanation, they're shouting over their shoulder about a turtle, taking off their jacket. Then he's the one panicking as he watches them stop traffic to scoop up the animal.

The painted turtle has a huge crack in it's shell and a hurt leg. Not knowing what to do, they take it to a vet to see if anything can be done. Surgery, a fiberglass covering... A free sexing to determine the turtle is otherwise a healthy girl. Edward is already devouring the informational packet given to him in the waiting room. A lot he already knew but, well, it pays to learn more!

He's probably one of the few riddlers that doesn't actually say "no we can't keep it." There might be a brief moment where he questions his S/O if they even want a turtle- for the most part it's kind of... fascinating? They keep visiting the turtle in the hospital before she's released and he asks so very many questions about care and what they've been doing for her-

Before it's even been officially decided she's coming home and not being released back out, he's getting a tank ready. Heat lamps, a UVA/UVB light, pond, a dock for basking. A very strange amount of decorations related to questions marks and his special interests that you might not expect decor for.

This turtle won the lottery. She gets a very fancy omnivore diet with vitamin and mineral supplements. He even ends up cultivating species appropriate plants in the tank for her to enjoy and snack on occasionally. She's never bothered much other than the routine tank cleanings. Edward just likes watching her and watching his S/O gush over how pretty she is.

If anyone asks to pick her up, he will give a speech on how actually, human contact stresses them out so if you could never ask again, he'd appreciate it. He intends on her making it many more decades despite not having any clue how old she is now.

Penguin is going to hear so many fun facts about turtles now. Oswald might consider trying to murder him... again.

60s

A baby bird that fell from it's nest. He watched as his S/O tried and failed to reintroduce the bird back to it's mother. He even helped them weave a fake nest and put it up in the tree to see if their parents would take the babe back. To no avail. He was prepared to comfort his love if the little thing passed on.

Yet he watched his S/O roll up their sleeves and start making a nest of their own. A heat lamp that was originally used for one of Edward's plots, now for the chick. He insisted they could probably find someone to take care of it. He's certain he could light a cigarette in a public place and get Batman's attention if they wanted a more heroic figure for the job. With a sidekick named Robin, surely he has a thing for lost little birds.

Birds aren't really his thing, you see. Not part of the gimmick. He has nothing against them, love, but... perhaps Penguin? Still no, huh? The determination of his S/O is rather inspiring, even if it goes against his own wishes. Feedings every few hours, changing papers and blankets. Checking the crop. He noticed the collection of bird care books from Gotham Library.

He starts feeling more affection for the thing once it grows fluff. As his S/O gently holds his hand out to teach the bird to step up. There's something endearing about all of it. How passionate they are. How could he truly say no? It's when the feathers appear and the soft cries begin that they confirm they have a little mourning dove.

In devotion to his partner and their new animal child, he sets up a bird cage and perches himself. Reads the same care books, albeit in half the time. Once the time is right, he even builds an outdoor cage to allow the bird fresh air and stimulation that is safe from predators.

While he doesn't appreciate the mess the bird leaves, he doesn't mind the shoulder buddy. It does, however, make him slightly less intimidating towards Batman, as if he needed anything to help with that.

Zero Year

His S/O had a habit of bringing home animals. They had some... special certification, he wasn't paying terribly much attention to what- What it meant was that after they moved in together, there would occasionally be a small furred or feathered creature in the spare room off his workshop that needed to be bottle fed. He wasn't sure how he felt about the habit. It was something he almost admired. Wanting to care for something small and weak. Yet it was a vulnerability he could see being taken advantage of.

Good thing he's such a pleasant and non-needy personality that doesn't need all his S/O's attention! He lived with it. Perhaps he was better for it. Personal growth... even if at moments he felt jealous and despised it. He supposed they needed a hobby of their own considering how his "hobby" was so all-consuming.

Then they brought home the red fox. A fur-farm rescue. Nowhere else to go, they said. Edward tried to put his foot down. How would they even care for it? A fox... Ridiculous! He also knows it can't be tossed back out into the wild. It would die. His stubbornness holds even as he watches his partner cut their hands open on wire fencing to make an enclosure.

It isn't until they ask him, truly ask him, if he hates that they save animals. Seeing the pain in their eyes and sensing the possibility that they might even leave- he makes a decision. No amount of avoiding annoyances is worth losing the one person he truly trusts in this life. He builds an outdoor enclosure with catch doors and even sits down with the thing.

Winning him over was as simple as the vixen stealing his screwdriver and laughing at him as she played keep away. He was irritated with her, at first, yet as he caught her and all she wanted was pets and affection... He supposed it was also cute the way she would hoard boiled eggs out of his hand. Alright, maybe, just maybe- Maybe she could stay. Only out of his good will.

He gets to a point where she'll sit in his lap while he trims her nails and brushes her fur. His S/O can do the yucky medical stuff she hates, this is his time.

BTAS

It was a kitten that set his life upside down. His partner, his darling beloved, found it abandoned and hypothermic in a box after a storm. No indication of mother or another human coming to find it. His eyes weren't even open. A little tuxedo that mewled for any kind of nourishment and warmth. Edward was ready to call Selina to come pick it up- until he remembered she was currently incarcerated by Batman for a diamond heist.

It wasn't his bathroom being overtaken as a quarantine zone that made him upset. It wasn't even the alarm that went off every two hours for feedings, even in the middle of the night. No, it was how exhausted and emotionally tired his S/O looked after two days of taking care of him. When he said they were not, could not keep the cat, his partner insisted on doing everything themselves.

He was regretting it, to say the least. At 3am, while he was working, he could hear the alarm going... and his S/O snoring through it. With a sigh, he turned it off and began to prepare the formula. He went through the steps in his mind as he had seen his partner do for the past week and a half. Feed, burp, stimulate for the bathroom, make sure he's warm. Then he got in there and found a creature shouting and demanding to be fed and loved now.

Putting the kitten on his chest, watching his ears wiggle and feeling the tiniest muffins being made on his chest... that was the moment he fell in love. In that instant, he understood. This little sootball that looked like lint that exploded in the dryer- he was worth the hardship.

After that, Edward took on the nightshift for his partner. A few more weeks and their schedules could get back to normal. Ish. And their fancy well dressed man could be released into the rest of the house to cause chaos galore. Kitten energy is a bit too much for Edward, but he adjusts.

Telltale

When his S/O had stumbled into his workplace, bloodied and holding a blanket close to their chest, he feared the worst. He was prepared to dismember whoever had done this to his partner- and then they mentioned it wasn't their blood. Irritating, yet relief flooded his system.

He cleared a nearby table and watched as his S/O unraveled a bleeding, wounded dog. Struggling to breathe. Whining. A prong collar embedded into its neck. In the haze of panic, he extrapolates that his partner found it thrown away like trash in an alley. Even in this state he could make out the bite marks of other dogs on her body. Dog fighting.

Yet the mottled colored mutt seemed disinterested in attacking, even in this vulnerable state. Had she already given up? He was prepared to euthanize her himself until his partner looked at him with wet eyes asking if there was anything he could do. A tired sigh.

He knew some people with the proper equipment. Yet even as he contacted them, he insisted the two of them were not keeping the dog. He would help take care of the dog. Then they would figure out where she could go.

This lasted until one night in the lab as he sat at his desk, he felt a heavy head lay on his leg. As he looked down, there she was, staring up at him- tail wagging. Even after everything they'd put her through... she was putting all her trust and affection in a human. He would never admit it, but it reminded him of himself in some small way towards his S/O. Finding that love after pain atop of pain.

He stopped mentioning getting rid of the dog. Insists no one else will want a former fighting dog, so she might as well stay. It has nothing to do with how she cuddles between her "parents" on the couch. That she'll fetch things for her master with a dopey pleased look. And of course not because she gets accustomed to waking Eddie when he's experiencing night terrors associated with his past. Lowkey she's his emotional support dog and he's her emotional support human and his S/O gets to watch that relationship bloom.

Arkham

Despite Edward's lack of care towards the many strays in Gotham, his S/O seemed rather enamored with them. He comments that they should leave feeding the mangy things to Selina. Yet, he doesn't stop them. Then there was one cat in the neighborhood that wouldn't escape either of their notice. A mean feral that wouldn't let anyone near it. He'd wait for everyone else to eat food before picking off scraps.

He thought it was sort of charming how his S/O asked him for a trap to catch the beast. He asked them why they'd bother. It would appear the creature had gotten an eye injury, likely from fighting. He'd never expected them to actually catch the beast, no matter how genius his craftsmanship on the trap. And yet...

One eye enucleation and spay surgery later, his next question was when they were going to release the cat back out. Or call catwoman to deal with it. As his S/O told him neither would be happening, he began to try to put his foot down. No, never. You will not be keeping him. If they'd really wanted a pet, he could make one! Not this... possible mixed breed of a wild cat with a domestic one.

Fortunately they had a small spare room they could clear out for a kennel to allow the cat some comfort while he healed. Edward would listen as his partner going into the room and cooing. Followed by hissing and "no... No, c'mon-" and more bargaining. He shook his head. What were they expecting? You can't just bring a creature like that back with that kind of hate.

It isn't until one night when he's working that he hears... a meowing. It's strained and croaking. He goes to inspect the room and seen the one eyed cat staring up at him. A soft meow. Then a head bonk on the cage bars. Yet as he knelt down, the cat reared back and hissed.

Over the next week, he would visit the cat with his S/O. He noticed this scraggly, scarred cat looking up at them. Hissing less and less. Hesitantly approaching until his S/O was able to touch his head. Then they heard it for the first time: his purr. It was then Edward knew he was not going to be able to get rid of this ugly as sin cat.

The cat absolutely chose his S/O as his person, but that doesn't leave out Edward. The cat likes sleeping on some of his machinery when it's warm. Jumping on his shoulders when he falls asleep at his desk. Edward finds himself petting deep into his now-soft fur when he's stressed.

Selina will give him so much shit about this cat. Forever.

Batman 2022/Nashton

His S/O found the little creature after a dog had gotten hold it. A possum joey without a mother anywhere in sight. A few calls later, a wildlife shelter visit and lots of stress and worrying, they were told the possum was going to live... But not in the wild. There was enough damage to its body that even after healing, he might not be able to defend himself properly.

Edward tried to reason why it should stay with someone else. They'd have better care. They'd become an education ambassador, maybe! He... It's so tiny and fragile, and that makes him so nervous.

Edward is projecting a lot of feelings onto this little thing that mostly wants to hiss and cling to his sweatshirt. He'll just fuck it up, you know. The problem that arises is too many rehabbers in the area are full up. There might not be any space for the little guy- Faced with the possibility of euthanasia, Edward's S/O looks at him with dewy eyes.

How can he say no to that face? And the face of, he supposes, their newest companion. After faking some paperwork and certifications, they are bringing home a small possum.

Over time, he ends up relating a lot to the possum considering their reputation. They're just scavengers! They can't even get rabies! Yet everyone just seems to hate them for being born. He knows what that's like...

He does so much research on dietary needs since possums require such a variety of care. Protein, proper phosphorous levels, fruits and veggies. He really likes feeding him cooked chicken hearts out of his hand. Since they walk so much in the night, he makes an exercise wheel for the little guy to use. Builds climbing walls and poles for him to hang from if he wants. His S/O gets to help hammer nails in!

Sometimes Edward's S/O is looking for the possum and asks Edward... only to see a little black and white head poke out from his hoodie. The two of them know they won't have the possum for long (in the wild, they only live around three years!), but he's kind of used to shorter lifespans with his rats.

He's going to make sure the years they have, though, are going to be enriching and full of happiness.

[casswithmywholeheart]

Is there any more information you can share about your Spidey Golden Guard AU? I am absolutely frothing at the mouth over this it is literally so cool, and the art you made for it is EXCELLENT it is scratching my brain so well, you have no idea

Also I know this was asked before but it was a while ago, so would you allow fan art of this?

Thank you!!

Oh well! I coulda go on for hours and hours for this.. It's been three years but I still remember the burning passion I had for this!

This is actually just a very very vague idea in which <Hunter is a high school student who is secretly a superhero named golden guard>. I gave spiderman traits and spidey-like characteristics to his hero identity, such as joking (to hide his insecurity and weaknesses), may come across as mischievous (a social menace) but is actually just trying his best to use his powers for justice, and a masked guy who must keep his real face and name unrevealed. As a teen he is classic peter parker cause he is nerdy (for birds), struggling for everyday life at school against the bullies.

The only difference might be that he's trying to get a boy -instead of getting a girl- cause he's in love with his classmate Edric lmao edric is basically his gwen stacy. And that he had to be trans bc I'm ftm, so extra trans struggles(like wearing a binder to a fight and stuff). Also he uses a magical staff as a source of power so all his superpowers come from that, instead of spider webs or a spider bite.

I didn't specifically think of a concrete or consistent storyline or setting (when it comes to making AU's I tend to be weirdly unspecific); I just drew a bunch of doodles of whatever scenes that came into mind. All the posts were created like that. The margin ones where gg is shooting webs from his wrists are literally just brainrot doodles- I don't think that's canon. I don't think the golden guard as a hero should be bitten by a spider (he has a whole staff to use). He is the masked golden guard who uses magic powers to save people but normally is an insecure teen named Hunter(not ben); the classic story we all know.. It's as simple as that. (Since it's vague and unspecific I think it makes easier for others to hop on and enjoy with their own views!)

There are tons of doodles in old textbooks and on printouts and papers from back then.. but for now, here are some drawings that I found.

I remember the start being a random thought where I made a connection between these two because I thought their vibes were very similar.

And yes! You're absolutely welcome. I would always love to see any kind of fan art for this idea. I always think of a green t shirt with white long sleeves beneath it with a pair of beige pants when I think of spidey Hunter, but I did draw an orange hoodie once, and I don't mind if people made him wear what they would like for him to wear. Even I couldn't decide if he had round or pointy ears, but I believe he is human in this au, so even if they were pointy it would be due to genetics. (One last Tmi: I like to think his arch enemy is emperor belos who is actually his own uncle, just like how spidey's enemies are sometimes among his own neighbors.)

And last, thank you so much for giving love and attention to a silly little AU I made. 💛💛 It's so precious to receive asks like this.

[anonymouslobster01]

Why each loser in IT 1986 is better than the 2017 version

Bill

-HES SO FUCKING SASSY IN THE BOOK! it’s so fun. he’s much more of a leader in the book and he’s really cool. Bossy too, but in the way where his character has depth and isn’t just annoying. Also he’s not a fucking dumbass! In the movie, he’s all like “georgie isn’t dead, he’s missing :(((“ but in the book he’s like “this fucking clown murdered my brother, time to go get my revenge” he’s just so much better but honestly not the one I have the most beef with

Mike

-oh, you mean to tell me in the book he actually has a character? he’s not just there for no reason? WHAT AN INTERESTING CONCEPT! too bad the movie decided not to keep it. He’s an icon in the book, smart and controlled and understanding of the world and the cycle. In the movie, Ben is the one who talks about derrys history, but Mike takes that role in the book, something much more befitting of his character imo. In the movie, especially the 2nd, he’s a raving, frantic maniac who has lost his mind after staying in Derry for so long. This isn’t his character at all in the book. He actually knows what he’s doing and is the most measured out of all the losers [also in the book he almost fucking dies lmao]

Bev

-I have mixed feelings about Bev’s character tbh. Her character in the book isn’t the best, due to ✨sexism✨, and on the surface she seems a lot cooler in the movie BUT HERES THE THING they basically took Richie’s book character and gave it to her. The whole bravery thing, sticking with bill, etc etc THAT WAS RICHIE!!!! THAT WAS HIS CHARACTER!!!! HE WAS BILLS RIGHT HAND MAN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!

Stan

He doesn’t have much of a character in the book, and the movie isn’t much better. I like him better in the book bc he’s autistic and his special interest is birds and he yells the names of birds at It it’s really cute

Richie

dear god. WOW I LOVE HOW THEY REMOVED ALL OF HIS DEPTH AND MADE HIM A SILLY LITTLE SIDE CHARACTER THAT ONLY MAKES JOKES!!! I LOVE HOW THEY REMOVED HIS VOICES!!! I LOVE HOW HES SUCH A WHINY BITCH AND HE DOESNT WANNA DO ANYTHING!!! I LOVE HOW HE FOUGHT WITH BILL!!! I LOVE HOW HIS FEAR OF EYES IS NONEXISTENT!!!! I LOVE HOW HES THE FIRST ONE TO DROP OUT WHEN THINGS GO WRONG!!! /S NO FUCKING NO THAT ISNT HIM AT ALL!!! HES SILLY AND A DUMBASS BUT IS MORE OBSERVANT THAN ANY OF THE LOSERS AND HES BATSHIT INSANE AND IS FUNNY AS FUCK AND ACTUALLY HAS TRAUAMA AND CHARACTER DEPTH AND HES MY FUCKING FAVORITE WHY DJD THEY DO HIM LKMD THIS IT MAKES ME SO MAD

Eddie

He’s almost worse than Richie. almost. In the book he’s both athletic and really good with directions, but in the movie he’s neither of these things. He’s pathetic, but he’s not a wimp. WHEN THEY WERE FIGHTING AN EYE THEY WERE ALL GONNA DIE AND THEN EDDIE STSRTED FUCKING PUNCHING IT AND HE FIGURED OUT HOW TO BEAT IT AND SAVED EVERYBODYS LIVES GODDAMN IT WHY DOES THIS FUCKING MOVIE GIVE EVERYONE ONLY ONE CHARACTER TRAIT WHAG RHE FUCM also his abusive relationship with his mom is never looked into on a deeper level but at least we got the gazebos line. I genuinely love that

Ben

I had no great love for him in the book, but at least he’s not a stupid fucking dumbass. WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM A NEW KID IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE

feel free to debate if you disagree!!! I’d love to see other opinions!!!

[teatimeatwinterpalace]

Like it or not, the one who saved and modernized the monarchy was King George V, not king Edward VII, and this is an undisputed fact that all historians would agree with. After all, It was during the reign of King George V that 13 European Monarchies crumbled to the ground while the british monarchy survived. And it survived because of George V, because of his leadership, his modern statesmanship, his will to embrace and encourage changes, his popularity and the respect that his nation had for him, while he led his country to victory during WW1. He was the FIRST Monarch that brought monarchy close to people, hence why he was nicknamed the People's Monarch or the Citizen Monarch. George reigned during the most difficult times in the history of monarchy and of mankind, but he managed to save his monarchy and to modernize it, setting the path for a Constitutional Modern Monarch*. Your bias cannot change it, because facts dont give a damn about your opinions. A pity that you cannot uplift Edward VII without bringing George down. George wasnt dull, he was quite the character. He was genuine, funny, reproachable, a lover of books and cinema, and most importantly he was a SERIOUS LEADER, who acted exactly as a modern head of state is suppsed to act. Oh and he was a FAITHFUL Husband, he was devoted to his wife and loyal to her throughout their entire marriage. Something that can never be said of Edward VII who was unfaithful and over-indulgent in everything ( Im sure his mistresses would have preferred Handsome George though). If being faithful and family-oriented makes a man dull, than give me dull everyday. Queen Alexandra would've been happy to have married a man like George who never embarrassed and humiliated his wife

Oh my, where does this come from? lmao. Tbh, I deserve this kind of message when it's about Wilhelm. I'm totally biased regarding this rascally young fop (Alexander III said it first!). Badmouthing him is one of my favourite pastime. But George, come on! I never been too harsh with him? EXCEPT, perhaps, when it comes down to the Romanovs, but what can I say? When you don't have a backbone, you really don't…

Yet, I'm a tad puzzled by your message because we are talking about George V right? The one who in April 1905 hadn't seen his children for three months. The one who used to shout at his second son "Get it out" when the poor soul was suffering from stammer. The one who in 1917, while on a stroll in the grounds of Sandringham complained to Nora Wigram that his children always avoided him. Nora retelling this story in one of her letters to her parents said how Mary, David and Bertie became "quite cheerful & entirely flippant, writing their names in the snow" when George and Mary had gone home on said stroll. However, do you know who was ACTUALLY a good father? his cousin *whispering* Nicky.

Faithful yes but let me remind you that their marriage was far from smooth sailing. They lived seperately for months on end. You also must have forgotten the countless letters from George trying to apologise for shutting down, being rude or cold towards May. + May's letters complaining on how he would shut her out. The man was unable to articulate his feelings which led to endless misunderstanding. May who once wrote to George while in Paris : "I quite understand about yr not wishing to come to Paris & am not angry, I only thought it wd be nice change as I find life in general very dull- unless one has a change sometimes." She had wanted him to join her but had received a rebuff instead. May who wrote to his brother in 1900 while she was stuck in the gloomy York Cottage: "It is so dull here & I feel very low & depressed tho' Im pretty well on the whole" (alright she was pregnant at that time, but guess where George was?… out shooting birds).

Led his country to victory during WW1? Hmmm, you really mean George V who was described in 1918 by the Viscount Esher in those terms: "he seems virtually a recluse, steadily devoting himself to good purposes and little works of a good kind, but with not conspicuousness, no assertiveness of the King's position." / "making himself a nonentity" ? While May wrote on 19 november 1916 to her son David about the hospital visits: "They are "assomant" (tiresome) & I dislike them more than words can describe!" and then proceeded to explain how much she enjoyed her shopping trips at Goode's.

I'm teasing because OF COURSE I think George V was a good ruler and perhaps he was the kind of ruler the country needed at that time. He was a great arbitrator and was able to adapt and change despite having conservative views and being very much uneducated. How he dealt with the Irish question is a stellar example! He was an ordinary man who disliked society and suffered from bouts of depression. There is a sentence that struck me in Ridley's book which in my opinion sums up George : "He was a man of disconnected feelings".

I could write PAGES about Bertie's shortcomings and how his shenanigans damaged the monarchy. Yet he was a gifted ruler, very much in tune with his time.

So I guess anon, it comes down to... preference. If you are more into shooting birds and collecting stamps, you do you! I, on the contrary, have a soft spot for cosmopolitan kings with a string of scandals.

Now if you'd excuse me, I'm off painting the town red with Bertie!

[princess-of-the-corner]

Any interesting things happen on Hawks and Tokoyami's internship stuff? Because I can see Tokoyami throwing Hawks for a loop. He's been taught how to interact with fans and such. But Tokoyami's odd behavior and the difference in combat styles might lead to something. Oh I guess does Hawks get the 2-for-1 deal here as well?

(I know what happened in /canon/ with how Hawks basically just asked about the USJ and kinda ignored him but.... that doesn't quite track for me so let's go!)

He does get the two for one so Eimi is there too! (Fumikage and Eimi will eventually have to separate but not yet)

Honestly Hawks as a mentor is kinda. Off. At times.

Like. He obviously knows not to do the training from hell sort of thing that he went through to become a Hero, and he's had students before. But when he does have interns/work study students, they're typically third years who can more better keep up with him.

Fumikage and Eimi, on the other hand, are first year students who are just beginning. So Hawks..... kinda doesn't quite know what to do with them? What all do they know? How hard can he be on them? So he kinda swings between expecting too much of them or expecting too little. It does balance out eventually, and the two are quick learners.

That said! Hawks good with them in like. Teaching them to be more solo. Fumi and Eimi had planned to pretend to be one person, so they're very codependent on one another in combat. Hawks is often solo, so he can give advice on that.

Hawks is also good at teaching them to fuck with people. Like giving someone the side eye when they eat chicken. Or switching it up and going all in on a bucket of kfc while being called a cannibal lmao.

On the flipside.....

Hawks has been suppressing some of his Quirks more mutation-like aspects. Like while he has the bird name, the Commission wants him marketed more as 'man with wings' than an actual bird. But he is, in fact, a bird!!

So being around at least one other Bird (I debate how 'bird' Eimi is but Fumi is bird)? Especially one who never feels the need to hide those traits? It tricks him into letting his guard down.

They're just having a conversation in bird noises while everyone around them goes 'please for the love of FUCK speak a language we know!!!"

[aritamargarita]

ATTITUDE (… CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!)

I feel very motivated. Yes it’s 5 am

It’s December now……..originally wasn’t gonna consider this canon but it is. We’re cooking again. WE DRAW CLOSER TO 2002!!!!!!! its december 24th 2001 in story!!!

this one’s a quick one since it’s just a one off chrystler chapter.

hopefully it’ll hold u guys for just a LIITTLEEE longer while i work on other things too. by the way when i rewatched the eggnog match, it was so fast it actually made me mad LMAO, well not much you can do there anyway so i tried improvising..?

‘TWAS THE RAW before Christmas and you’re sure there’s a lot of holiday cheer. You’re excited. What’s the night got in store?

You received a blue and red envelope in your locker today.

It’s painfully obvious they were invited to Smackdown and Raw’s Christmas parties, but you think it’s only because they want you to see what each brand had in store. They hadn’t started the draft yet, but you’re sure both General Managers had their eyes on a few picks…including you.

All you can hope is that the fans don’t get tired of you. It’s probably the only way you’d be allowed to be a free agent.

Before you can leave, your phone rings. You’re a little concerned, given that you’re at work and have never ever gotten a call. You’re about to enter the room, but you take a step back to quickly answer. “Hello?”

‘Hello, sweetie! How are you? Are you working?’

It’s your mother, and when hearing her voice, you sigh. “Hey, yes. I’m working. Is something wrong?”

‘No, no at all.’ It makes you sigh again, but this time in relief. ‘I watched one of your shows. That Jeff boy seems very nice. I’d like if you bring him home for Christmas!’

Oh, that’s not…

It takes you a moment to respond. “What? Why?”

‘He just seems sweet! That is a pure-hearted boy, and you seem to care for him enough. I’ll be expecting you two love birds.’ She says. ‘That is if you’re able to come home.’

“I’m not sure. I think I might, but only for a day. The next Raw doesn’t get taped until…well, next year. In January. I forgot when Smackdown was.”

‘I hope you do. We miss you very much. Give what I said some thought! I won’t bother you anymore. I love you!’

“Love you too. Bye bye.” And you hang up. You don’t think you’ll ever tell anyone what she said. You probably wouldn’t hear the end of it!

You take a deep breath and shake it off. As you walk through the door, you’re greeted by a camera and…Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco in elf outfits.

Wow, what a party Mr. McMahon has hosted…

Speaking of him, he was already at the door once he opened it. “I totally wasn’t listening to your conversation,” He clarified. You roll your eyes. But your boss is thrilled to see you, outstretching his arms.

“You’re the star of the night! I assure you, you’ve chosen the right party. You’re going to love it here.”

He tries going in for a hug, but you don’t react. Instead, he awkwardly reaches his hand out, and you shake it hesitantly. This is still your boss, after all.

“Everybody give a warm welcome to [Name]!” Vince announced. Great, now everyone’s staring.

You give a small wave as everyone in the room soundly greets you. Some of these people look familiar. Billy and Chuck, Terri, Christian, The Dudley Boyz….

And then there’s Stacy. Your eyes brighten once you see her in the room. She’s the only one you know well. She’s also excited to see you, hopping off of (who you can assume is) Bubba’s lap.

“[Name]! You came!”

“Hi.” You wave. “You look nice.”

Your voice is dry, which makes Stacy pout in return. However, your compliment puts her at ease. “Thanks!”

She then takes her hand and pulls on your shirt. “What’s with this? I thought you’d be all dressed up! It’s about to be Christmas! You dressed up when we were in WCW, remember?”

You do. It’s not because you wanted to, either. You didn’t really have a choice. Management wanted all the girls to come out in their little cute Santa’s helper costumes, and the moment you complained about it, you were told that you could just go for the day…and not be on TV.

You shake your head. “I’d rather just wear my regular clothes. Now, you may ask why again. The answer…is because I can. “To you, that reason was as good as any.

“Ugh, come on.” She whines. “I wanted to see you in something nice. I think the crowd would love it, too!”

There lies the problem. You scoff. “As if I’m showing any kind of skin in this landfill of a place called Miami. Of all the states we have to be in, it’s Florida?! Gross..” Your words incite booing from the crowd, but it’s not like you can hear them anyway. “This place sucks. I saw a man wrestling an alligator outside.”

“You’re silly. You should take a load off.” Stacy grins. Little did she know, you were dead serious. And the man was WINNING! Incredible.

You figured there was no convincing Stacy. She must’ve thought you were crazy.....if she doesn’t already.

She takes her hand and pats your shoulder. “It’s okay, [Name]. Maybe you’re just a little hazy from excitement. You should have some fun with us!”

“I don’t think I can.” You decline. “I’ve got a segment soon. So, not for long. Whatever’s going on here, I’m happy to see we’re all getting along.”

“I’m taking that you like it here?” Vince cuts in, then motions towards the other wrestlers. “See all the star power in here. That could be you. You can be involved. You sign with SmackDown, I promise you you’ll see that and more.”

You will consider. You’re not entirely sure whether or not you want to be with either brand because they have pros and cons. The problem is, which one would you rather deal with?

“Right, um..” You hesitate for a second, and Vince immediately jumps on his chance.

“Well, why don’t you come over and drink some punch? If that’s not your thing, we’ve got a lot of options.” He holds up a bottle of sparkling cider.

Man, he’s really trying hard, huh?

The arrival of Booker T grabs his attention, and you slink away to Christian instead. “Hey! Been a while.”

Christian looks around before looking at you with a grin. (Something you know he did on purpose) “If it isn’t my favorite fan! How’s it going, tiny?”

It’s been a while since he’s even called you that nickname, and it still does NOT hold true. You swear to god it’s not true. “I have definitely been fine! Just hanging in there.”

“I dunno, what you did at Vengeance was completely nuts. Are you sure you’re just hanging in there? Not gonna do the same to me, are you?” He asks.

“No. I just want to relax today! I really do.” You admit. You’re tired, and you want some time to think. This party does nothing for your racing thoughts, but the least you could do was try and enjoy it before leaving.

Which was probably soon.

“I don’t mean to butt in at all,” Terri comes over to you and rubs your shoulder. “But are you doing alright? The last time I saw you was when you mistook me for Torrie. And you had a bit of a meltdown during Vengeance.”

Wow, you really did leave a mark. Everyone must know about your little stunt. You fight a smile. “I’m just fine. I got my anger out and everything. I’m totally not mad.”

That was a lie. You are still mad and are unsure how long it’ll last, but you are still upset at Torrie. You’re still upset at Jeff and Raven as well, but the difference is that you don’t think you’ll ever forgive her for what she’s done so far.

Terri was going to speak again, but Vince loudly called everyone to attention. “You guys! Listen up, I got a surprise.” The door opens, and you don’t believe your eyes. “Courtesy of Santa himself, Santa’s little helpers!”

….Wait a second, these aren’t elves. They’re women! Did he seriously invite strippers?

They’re fully clothed, but their dresses were so short you might as well consider it next to nothing. It’s not like you’re complaining per se, but jeez. Wasn’t this supposed to be a kid-friendly show?

Haha, as if. You chuckle to yourself a bit.

Vince is introducing them as Santa’s helpers indeed. He takes “Vixen’s” hand to lead her onto a table.

“Alright,” You don’t want to stay around for this. “You guys have a good night, okay? I think I’m cutting it close. I need to get out in the ring.”

“But I’ve got a lot to show you, [Name]. You can’t just leave yet!” Vince tried to convince you, but you shook your head.

“Really can’t. But I promise I’ll consider Smackdown.”

You have to quickly exit before he can say anymore, but you can’t deny that you’re excited to talk in the ring.

Did you expect anything less from Vince McMahon? No. Hopefully, Raw would fare better.

Well, you’ll see soon enough.

It’s your turn to go out there, and you were pretty amped up about it. Sure, it’s another show of Raw, but it’s Christmas Eve, and Santa should be out and about now!

You want to show the crowd and everyone at home how excited you are for Christmas. Today’s another episode of Time Out with [Name]!

Once your entrance music plays, you push back the curtains and head down the ramp. Thanks to your stunt at Vengeance, you got a lot of mixed reactions from the crowd. 

Jerry is the first to point it out. ‘Well, she seems to be in a good mood, JR!’

‘She sure is. I’m not sure if we should be on guard or not. That woman is a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.’

Thankfully, they had given you a mic before going out there. The moment you slid into the ring and were faced to face with thousands of people, you couldn’t help but fall into a laugh.

“Okay, I know what you guys are thinking,” You begin. “Vengeance may have gotten a little out of hand! I get it. But if you were in my shoes, you’d understand! Anyway, that’s not why I came here tonight.”

JR can only shake his head. ‘Well, I’m sure we’d all like to hear what’s going on in that mind of hers.’

“I have an extraordinary guest today..” You trail off. “In fact, you all know him very well! He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake! It’s Santa—“

The Rock’s music plays instead. He quickly storms down to the ring, and you’re actually shocked that he interrupted you like that. The crowd cheers so loudly that you can’t even hear your thoughts. You figured it was a given. You’re in Miami, after all.

You start to talk as soon as he starts climbing into the ring. “Um, excuse me? Rocky?” The little pet name you call him makes him raise that iconic eyebrow toward you. “I-I didn’t call for you. I was waiting for Santa. But you’re more than welcome to wait for him with me.”

He stares at you momentarily, then reaches over the ring for a mic. There’s still more silence, and as you await your response, you look at him expectantly.

“..No.” He finally says. “The Rock came here to share a very important message with the MILLIONS—and MILLIONS—of Rock’s fans.”

“I get that.” You say. “I’m all for it, but this is my show. Like, jeez, if you’re gonna interrupt Santa, at least let me ask you some questions.”

“You think Santa’s coming here?! Miami is hot as hell, the guy’s gonna melt!” He’s got a fair point. But it’s Christmas! Santa would make a way to get here one way or another. “[Name], The Rock came out here because he has a few questions for you. You’re going to want to hear this, sweetheart.”

You’d be almost flattered at the pet name if it wasn’t for the slight derisive tone behind it. You can’t deny your curiosity, though. “Oh, pray tell!”

“You and The Rock both hate Chris Jericho. You and The Rock also hate….Stephanie McMahon.” He says. It’s true. Very true! You hate both of them. “And because we share the same hatred, The Rock has gotten you a gift. Consider it a peace offering.”

How sweet! Can’t refuse presents. Maybe Santa could wait for a minute. Hopefully, Austin won’t get too angry that you’ve accepted this.

He reaches over the ropes to one of the stagehands, and he’s handed a neatly wrapped gift. It is handed off to you, and you’re already excited, ripping it open as fast as possible.

The camera zooms in on your gift, and it’s…

…a book with a red bull on the cover. You look at him in confusion before repeating the title for the crowd. “The Rock’s night before Christmas? Did you really just give me a book??”

The Rock ignores your comment, and the crowd laughs as he takes the book away from you.

“You sure are. Here, let The Rock help you,” He flips open the book to one of the pages. “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even….a mouse.” He pauses for a moment. “The weather was warm, not a trace of snow, just as The Rock got ready to whoop Chris Jericho.”

You nod your head. The only reason why you’re playing along is because of the Jericho line.

But he teases you anyway. “…See, there you go. That’s how you read a book. Go on, try it.” He hands it back to you.

You clear your throat. Guess that’ll be a way to pass the time waiting for Santa. “Jericho claims to be the best. The Rock has found this quite brutal. Clearly, Chris Jericho is a man who has no strudel.”

Whatever that means. The crowd goes crazy, though.

You look over to The Rock, and he nods in approval. He makes a motion with his hands for you to keep going. “I am a living legend! Y2J would sing, trembling with fear as he heads into the peoples ring…and faster, faster than Scrooge, saw the ghost of Christmas past—“

The Rock cuts you off, finishing the rhyme once and for all. “The Rock hit the people’s ring and WHOOPED Y2J’S ASS!”

Wow! What a wonderful Christmas gift. Not.

You thought it was something useful. For all you care, he could’ve gifted you a chair. A brand new kendo stick. Maybe even a steel pole. Hell, you’d even take a pair of socks over this book.

“Not to sound ungrateful, but this is my gift? No joke?”

The Rock nodded. “Well?? Do you like it?”

Your silence told a million words. The moment you’re about to speak, you can’t help but laugh once more. It takes you a minute to pull it together.

“As much as I would love to rag on Jericho, and believe me, I would LOVE to rag on him, that’s not what I expected. It’s Santa. And in the spirit of Christmas, it just so happens I have a gift for the crowd, too.”

The crowd cheers, but you already know what they’re thinking. You point a finger upward. “No, it has nothing to do with me taking my clothes off!”

And just like that, the crowd begins to boo. Aw.

Just as you’re about to spill the deets about your Christmas gift, the familiar tune of Kurt Angle’s music plays. For the love of god, you just want Santa Claus!!

“Sorry, guys..” Kurt insincerely apologizes from the top of the ramp. “All this talk about Christmas makes me think about something. What is it that you said about Santa Claus? He sees you when you’re sleeping..he knows when you’re awake?”

You scoff at the mimicking of what you said earlier, but he continues. “Well, if you ask me, Saint Nick is a pervert! I’ll tell ya what, I hope Santa isn’t watching tonight because I plan on being very naughty.”

How dare he drag Santa’s name through the dirt like that? “You can’t say those things about Santa. Most importantly, you can’t just say you’ll be naughty! You’re the pervert!” You accuse.

“You’re the only one thinking that way, [Name]!” Kurt accused back. “And boy, I am glad you’re not stripping out here tonight. Now that’s a relief. This is supposed to be a kid-friendly show!” Yeah right.

“Are you sure about that?” You question. “Earlier, there was—“

He quickly cuts you off. “As a matter of fact, you or anyone else shouldn’t be idolizing Santa. There is someone far more powerful than he is, and it’s Vince McMahon. In fact, he got your Olympic hero a very special Christmas present.”

“Vince makes little kids cry at that sight of him!” You accuse. “You think they’d idolize him??”

You’re unsure if it is true, but he’s scary. You remember when he ran towards you and Trish during that one match. A literal nightmare. “What did you get? I bet it’s not better than mine!”

“Don’t you know?” As Kurt is speaking, you can hear the crowd chanting ‘asshole’ around you. It makes you giggle. “It’s—“

“Woah, woah, woah!” The Rock interrupts. “Please let them finish calling you an asshole!”

You seem exasperated that your show has been hijacked yet again, on Christmas Eve nonetheless. “Guys, there’s gotta be a way we can settle this. You know, somewhere else?”

“No, no, you’re gonna wanna hear this,” Kurt says. Both of them have said that, so that means that you won’t like it as much..

“That present is a shot at the undisputed title. That’s right, tonight is going to be a triple-threat match. The Rock versus Chris Jericho versus Kurt Angle. Ho, ho, ho, it’s true!”

You had brushed it off when she said it in passing, but Trish really had a point when she said that the men ruin everything. This was already cutting into your time.

Kurt seems to be confident, though. “And I tell you what, Rock, your chances at winning the title in front of these sleazy hometown losers just went slim to none!”

“Let me just say,” You decide to add. “That Stone Cold Steve Austin would wipe you two off the map! Uh, no offense, Rocky.” You say, gently setting a hand onto his bicep. “If Vince McMahon had any good in him, which I doubt, he would let Austin into that triple threat and make it a fatal four-way!”

The jeering quickly turns into cheers, and you bow to your fantastic suggestion.

“Oh, absolutely not!” Kurt yells. He decides to make his way down the ramp, and you start to feel like this isn’t ending well. “I got this fair and square. Stone Cold doesn’t deserve this as much as I do. There’s a reason why Vince put the Olympic Gold Medalist into action and not some trailer park trash.”

Ouch. You wince.

“Seeing as you came out here and interrupted [Name] ’s little show..” Finally, the recognition you deserve. “Just let The Rock finish his Christmas message and he’ll tell you exactly how he feels about this whole thing—“

The sound of holiday bells fills the arena, and you immediately shush The Rock, albeit ruder than you intended to be. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP!” You yell. “IT’S SANTA!”

Lo and behold, it’s Jolly Old Saint Nick himself. Santa’s holding a red sack, which is likely full of presents.

More than likely, it was merchandise, and Santa reached in and began tossing things into the crowd. You’re giving him a standing ovation.

The Rock looks at you as if you’re insane. Even Kurt, who had just begun climbing the ropes into the ring, shoots you a look as well.

“Look! It’s Santa!” You exclaim, pointing right at him. “He’s right there! I told you guys he was coming!”

After a minute of throwing things out into the crowd, Santa chucks his bag into the ring and clambers in. You immediately hold out your mic for him to take. You’ll grab another one, you don’t even care.

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa bellowed. This is really happening in real time. You skip over to the ropes and reach for a new mic as he continues talking. “Have you wrestlers been good this year?!”

You make haste to grab a new microphone. “I have!” There’s a giggle in your voice. “I don’t know about them, but I’ve been the nicest!”

Kurt shakes his head. “I don’t think so! You beat up poor Stephanie McMahon just a few weeks ago!” He calls back to your handicap match, but in your defense, she started it.

“That wasn’t my fault. Stephanie was trying to interfere! She even interrupted my show!” You shoot back. “You know, like you two interrupted mine?!”

He’s still not swayed. “She’s a potential business partner! You can’t just do that to a potential business partner!” Kurt then gives you a sardonic grin. “Personally, I’m just making it better.”

“A potential business partner? HA! Maybe on the street!” You laugh. “I swear to god, I will—“

Santa immediately puts a stop to your petty bickering. “Friends! There’s no need to argue. I can see how good you are in your hearts!”

That was so real. You smile, but The Rock is shaking his head. He points a finger toward him. “So, Santa, you came to The Rock’s hometown of Miami…..all the way from the North Pole? The Rock isn’t sure if he believes that.”

“What do you mean you don’t believe it?! He’s Santa!” You motion towards him.

Kurt doesn’t believe it either. “Yeah, right. I hate to agree with him, but look at him!”

All three of you turn to look at Santa at the same time. You personally see nothing wrong with him. “What’s the deal? This is definitely Santa.”

“…Well, [Name], whatd’ya want for Christmas?” Santa asks.

“See! How else would he know my name if he wasn’t Santa?” You question. You take a second to think about what you want, then bring the mic up so you can talk.

As soon as you’re about to speak, Santa Claus stands up and cuts you off. “Aht, aht, aht!” He waves a finger. “That was a test. Never tell your wish! Fret not, Santa knows all. Perhaps you’ll get what you want this year!”

You’re convinced and happy. That’s all that matters.

“Listen, ‘SANTA,’ Kurt sarcastically begins. “If you’re the real deal, I want to win the Undisputed Championship tonight. Can ya’ do that for me?!”

“I apologize, Kurt, but…. you’ve told me your wish; I don’t believe I can grant it.”

“HA!” You laugh. He’s not getting the Undisputed title for sure now. That’s one less thing for you to worry about.

“You can’t grant my wish...” Kurt repeats, nodding his head a bit. “Okay.” He shrugs it off momentarily, giving the impression that he’s about to leave, but he swoops Santa off his feet and into an Olympic Slam. As soon as Poor Santa hits the ground, Kurt angrily yells at him. “YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME MY WISH, SANTA!”

“Wait!!” You yell. But it’s too late. “NOO! What’re you doing?! I can’t believe you!!!” You’re so distraught that your words are coming out way too fast. Kurt Angle just gave Santa an Olympic Slam!

To make things worse, Kurt pulls him right into the Ankle Lock. You’re yelling, but The Rock just stands there. That is until he decides to yank Kurt back and exchange blows with him instead.

As of right now, pain is all you feel. You kneel down to the fallen Santa, trying your best to help him up.

There’s one thing for sure. This Raw would be memorable…for all the wrong reasons.

Today’s matches are as follows…

RIKISHI VS. TEST

APA VS. BILLY AND CHUCK

TORRIE WILSON VS. STACY KEIBLER VS. [NAME] (EGGNOG MATCH)

RVD VS. LANCE STORM

CHRISTIAN VS. THE HURRICANE (EUROPEAN TITLE)

BOOKER T VS. MAVEN

BUBBA CLAUS VS. TAJIRI CLAUS

CHRIS JERICHO VS. KURT ANGLE VS. THE ROCK

You double take once you see your name alongside Stacy and Torrie.

Who put you in the eggnog match? You’re going to kill someone. This is probably one of the first gimmick matches you’ve had here, and it makes you reconsider shunning a bra and panties match…

….Nah, nothing would ever make you reconsider that. By some stroke of luck, you haven’t been signed up for one. However, you’d much rather have an actual match tonight!

Now you’ve got a bone to pick with Raw’s new owner. More than likely, he had something to do with this, so you can’t blame Vince THIS TIME. You may just start blaming him for shits and giggles, though.

“[Name]!”

You look behind you to see RVD storming down the hall. He doesn’t seem in the greatest of moods, but you still try and be friendly. “Hey there! What’s up?”

It’s a bit off-putting to see him so irritated. He seems so laid back. The moment he grabs your shoulders is when you realize that it may be serious. “Have you seen Chris Jericho? This is important.”

Seems like everyone’s looking for him. He is always causing trouble. You think it’ll only get worse now that he’s the Undisputed champion, but you can only hope someone else can beat him.

If that doesn’t happen, perhaps you’ll have to intervene.

He rubs his temple. “He attacked me on Heat before Vengeance. I know he’s performing tonight, but I don’t care. Lance Storm had a lot to say about it, so now I’ve gotta kick his ass.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it. My advice is to try the locker room. He’s vain enough to stay in there for days if he could. I’m sure he loves checking himself out.” You recommend.

RVD seems to relax a bit. He doesn’t think he can be mad around you, at least not for long. He lets go of your shoulders. “Alright, Miss Nitro. I’ll try.”

That’s like the second nickname someone’s given you. Can’t complain about it, though. It’s kinda cute!

Though you feel bad that you can only catch him in the halls, you smile anyway. “I’ll catch up with you later. I’ve gotta hit up the party. We’ve gotta hang out sometime. I really enjoyed it when we were a team.”

“Ditto.” He agrees. “Well, when you need a partner, come find me.”

You wave at him, he returns it, and you two go your separate ways. The main objective was to get to Raw’s party. Talking to Ric Flair was really important.

You could hear a distant “woo!!” from down the hallway. Yeah, he’s definitely in there.

You pick up the pace a bit to reach the door, and you quickly open it. Upon entry, you can see more people that you know. Trish, Jacqueline, Big Show, Hurricane, Tajiri, Torrie…

Seeing her sitting in Santa Tajiri’s lap, you can’t help but stare in awe. She seems surprised, too, not expecting you to be at the party. There’s a camera here, so it follows you to where you stand. You cross your arms.

They did an awful job of telling you these things.

You glance around again and notice that Edge is here, too. God damn it.

Once you and Torrie locked eyes, the room fell silent. Some of your coworkers are starting to get an idea of how unstable you are.

They just hoped you wouldn’t go ballistic on her right now. It’s a party! You’re supposed to be having fun! You get the gist, so you decide to clear the air. “I just want to talk to Ric Flair. I'm not here to fight or anything.”

Nevermind the fact you got an invitation..

Everyone seems to let out a sigh of relief, continuing their miscellaneous conversations. Were they really that concerned..?

The Nature Boy makes his way over to you. “You called for me?!” You flinch at his tone of voice. He’s so loud.

“Yeah, why’d you schedule me in that eggnog match?” You question. “I don’t want to be in it. In fact, there’s no reason for me to be in it.”

He grabs a drink from the table and raises it up toward you in offering. “I thought it would be a good opportunity, I wanna see you wrestle!”

You wave your hand at him. “You did! Remember that one match with The Rock? You fixed the match!”

“Not good enough! I wanna see some hair pullin’, eye scratchin’, clothes rippin’! Woo!” Ric chants. “You’re the only person that can deliver it! I've seen you go at it when you were in WCW!”

You can’t even get a word out before he’s yelling even more. “MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM THE NATURE BOY!! WE ARE PARTYING DOWN TONIGHT, WE ARE LOOKIN’ GOOD!”

You really fight the urge to say: “Take your pills, old man,” but you instead decide to zip it for now. Guess you’ll have to participate.

Meanwhile, Edge makes his way over to you. He’s got garland wrapped around his neck like a scarf, and you know he’s still goofy as ever.

“Hey there, you.” He greets.

You wave. “Hi.” This is too awkward for you, so you cut to the chase. “We’re fine now, right? I saw you catch my kiss. I blew you.”

“Hah, blew me.” Edge chuckled. Ha, ha. You almost laughed, he’s sooo hilarious. “I don’t know why you came out there, but I kind of liked it.”

You’re happy. At least he didn’t seem to be mad at you anymore. He totally took things out of context. You wanted to map out a few things to say to him in your head, but it’s tough when Torrie talks so loudly in her squeaky voice.

It’s like she was doing it on purpose. Like she’s raising her voice so that you could hear. If that’s what she wants, so be it. You turn around to look.

“Wooow!!” She chirps, unwrapping a lingerie set from the box. “You want me to be naughty, don’t you?! It’s beautiful, I love it!”

God, you hate her. You swiftly turn around to leave but are stopped by Debra coming in with a tray of neatly placed cookies.

“Hey, sweetie!” She greets you with a big smile. “I’m glad you could make it! It’s not a party without my famous cookies!”

You’re gonna be honest. Those look like the sugar cookies from the store, but you’ll still eat them.

She hands over the tray to Ric. “Oh! Steve will be here any minute!” He’s coming too?! Cool! It is a little surprising to hear he’s actually gonna show up. Everyone in the room starts to cheer, including the crowd.

Alright, perhaps the night can turn itself around after all.

Eggnog shouldn’t be that bad. It's not your favorite drink, but it’s better than gravy. You bet poor Trish had to take so many showers.

It honestly reminds you of when Kurt hosed the Alliance down with milk. You won’t ever forget that night. You shiver just thinking about it.

The ladies of the night have already made their entrance. You’re the last one to come out. You don’t even bother dressing up all festive, as your gear will probably be drenched anyway.

Your music hits. Now’s the time to go out there and get this match done as quick as you can.

“And finally, introducing [Name]!”

For a moment, you stop midway on the ramp to look at the girls and the pool of eggnog.

If they said this was for a WCW taping, you would’ve believed them.

You finally reach the end of the ramp, looking over and shaking your head. You can’t believe you’re doing this. All the while, Torrie’s tossing candy canes into the crowd while you walk over toward the side. At least someone’s enjoying this.

As soon as you get down there, she turns toward you and coyly passes you a candy cane, but you slap it out of her hand. You don’t want that shit.

Stacy quickly takes advantage, yanking her over by the shoulder and slapping her. Stacy yells over to you, “Let’s throw her in!”

Absolutely. You give her a nod, and the two of you back over to Torrie. The both of you pick her up, adjusting so she doesn’t get hurt too bad when you toss her.

“One, two….” You begin to count, the two of you rocking back and forth. “Three!” And there she goes, right into the pool of eggnog. Some of it splashes on you, but you don’t care.

Cameras around you flashed and it almost blinded you for a moment, causing you to squint for a moment before rubbing your eyes.

Once you come to, you see Stacy raising her hand for a high five. You smile and give her one, but as soon as she turns her back on you to laugh at Torrie, you shove her into the pool.

What an idiot! It’s every woman for themselves tonight. While you actually start to find this fun, you foresee a messy shower in the future. Carefully, you step right into the pool. You didn’t want to slip and hurt yourself.

Of course, the first thing you do is to try and drown Torrie. Just to shut her up for a bit. You grab her hair, submerge her under the eggnog for a minute or two, and then pull her back up. She’s coughing and sputtering.

Stacy’s doing her best to regain some balance, even trying to grab on the referee for some leverage. You’re too focused on Torrie, though.

The smell of eggnog was starting to make you sick. You don’t think you ever want to see eggnog ever again.

You try to adjust to pull Torrie onto a very slippery STF, but you keep losing your grip every few seconds. You did your best to keep it on, though.

Torrie reaches her hand out, but there’s no rope to save her now. You think she’s just about to tap!….until Stacy got her head back in the game and broke up the submission.

Now, you’ll have to focus on her for a minute. There’s not much you can do in the pool, which is one of the reasons why you hated this match so much.

She drags you off of Torrie and starts slapping you around a bit. Seems like she doesn’t know what to do either.

That damn Ric Flair. What did you even get out of this? Definitely not a title match that’s for sure.

Either you do a roll up pin or you force them to tap. You’re leaning on the latter. You don’t know your time limit, so you’re gonna have to make do. You scoop Stacy up and slam her back into the pool, eggnog splashing everywhere.

Poor Torrie’s little Santa outfit was almost halfway off of her. Stacy was in the same state. You were smart enough NOT to dress in anything like that. The crowd can have them, but not you!

“You girls have five more minutes!” The referee whisper-shouted.

Five minutes, okay. That’s not bad. Five minutes…

Wait, FIVE MINUTES?! Not good. You start to panic inwardly, and Torrie is the first to catch on.

She comes out of character to check in on you for a second. That is, after she coughs out more eggnog.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine, but five minutes!” You exclaim, nearly losing your own footing, trying to adjust yourself.

You all need to start wrapping it up then. You’re almost disappointed it’s already almost over. Almost.

“Stacy!” You whisper-shout. “You’re gonna have to tap!” When you finish your sentence, you’re already moving to sweep her off her feet.

You really wish it was Torrie, but she’s too busy trying to get herself together. Man, if she threw up, there’s gonna be a problem.

Stacy desperately tries to claw at your arm to escape, to no avail. The referee circles around you two, and before you know it, she is tapping, causing eggnog to splash everywhere.

You let her go and shove her away, and the referee helps you up to raise your arm. You’re just ready to get the fuck out of dodge. You actually think that was the most embarrassing match you’ve been in.

“The winner of the eggnog match, [Name]!”

You snatch your arm from the referee and turn away to walk begrudgingly up the ramp, but don’t forget to bat your hand at the girls and the pool.

Your music blares in your ears, but it all sounds dull. All you care about is hitting the showers.

You’ve won, but at what cost? Sometimes, you really can’t help but hate your job.

As soon as you hit that curtain, Ric Flair gives you a round of applause with a smile. “Bravo!” Shockingly enough, he’s not being annoyingly loud. “Woooo! That was a show!”

“Good enough for you?” You ask sardonically. One of the stagehands passes you a towel, and you thank them. You use it to dry your face and hair. It’s gonna have to do for now.

God, you think you may have gotten eggnog in your ear…

“Hope you’re satisfied.” You have to hit your palm against your ear.

He just laughs, making you narrow your eyes.

“Listen, listen, I just have a deal for you. Because you did the favor of participating in this match, I’ve thought…how would you like to participate in the Royal Rumble?”

“What?!” You exclaim, nearly dropping your towel. “Are you serious?”

“Sure am. You see, I would like to surprise Vince. To keep him on his toes, I’m a bigger threat than he’ll ever know.” Ric explains. “There’s only 30 spots; I’m sure he will fill them quickly. So, you may want to talk to your fellow wrestlers. Maybe they’ll give up a spot.”

That’ll be hard to do. You know for a fact no man is willing to give up a spot like that. You’ll have to drive a hard bargain…

It takes a moment for you to respond. “..Well, I would love to, really! But I wouldn’t know how to get anyone to give up their spot. And I would have to just. I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

It was sprung onto you so suddenly that you weren’t sure what to do. Ric understands, luckily.

“Well, how about this? You take the rest of the night off. Go get cleaned up and think about it. Trust me, both of us are the winners.”

Now, that is an offer you cannot refuse. You’ll have to join the party next time.

For now, you just need to think.

[th3archivisst]

thinking about good omens swap au,,,,,

with my personal headcanons implemented and keeping it as in character for both as possible

headcanons mentioned are: crowley as lucifer and the metatron was the decision maker about his fall

this is just a rough overview of the au, i'll try and write a fic about it soon but yeahh

GO2 SPOILERS AHEAD

How Azi became a demon

In the beginning, when Aziraphale introduces himself to Lucifer (i'll be calling Crowley that cuz he never gets his demon name in this au), Luci tells him his name too. So Aziraphale knows this is literally God's favorite angel and Oh Shit That's Important. So, when the Metatron finds out about Lucifer's questioning and decides to cast him out, Aziraphale steps up. He takes the blame on himself, says he was the one who talked to Lucifer about it and he was actually the one asking questions. Why he does this? Because he can't imagine how heaven would live on without one of its most important angels, so he's willing to sacrifice himself for that. The Metatron believes the lie and Aziraphale falls in Lucifer's stead, taking on the name of Zerael.

Garden of Eden meeting

After Zerael's fall, Lucifer tries to argue with the Metatron a bit. He gives up pretty quickly because he doesn't want Zerael's fall to go to waste, but he still gets demoted as a result. So he's now on apple tree duty. Meanwhile, Zerael gets appointed to be the original tempter, taking the form of a black swallow (cuz yk swallows are symbols of good luck but black isn't eh whatever you'll see). Lucifer gets the flaming sword as a sort of cruel joke from heaven, Gods former favorite now needs a sword for protection. He (of course) gives it to Eve, he doesn't actually need it and she definitely does. When the two meet on the wall, it's a bit awkward. Lucifer is immediately happy and greets Zerael by his angelic name, causing Zee to have a bit of a shut down. He tries to act all demonic and mean, but ends up asking how Lucifer is doing in heaven. Luci kind of skirts around the topic. "Oh, you know, the usual celestial harmonies and whatnot". Zee isn't an idiot, he asks why Luci's on apple tree duty if everything's fine. Luci tells him he's been demoted but it's nothing to worry about. "Really, it's more interesting now! I get to see more than just white walls all the time". Wing shelter thingy but Zee tries to do it first, getting burned by holy rain in the process because bird brain so Luci shelters him instead.

General stuff now that the backstory is over with

(I'll get into the flashback scenes in a different post, my fingers are starting to hurt lmao)

Zerael changes his name Zirael, which literally means 'swallow' (according to wikipedia)

Zee still opens a bookshop, he loves books and food just as much and explains it to the Dark Council as getting to know human pleasures to tempt them better

Luci still has the Bentley. Just this time it's white. He bought it black but heaven didn't like it so he miracled it white. It still plays Queen automatically because it's the only way Luci can show off his chaos.

Luci still has houseplants, but he treats them well. Why? Because he can't keep them up to heaven's standards, not after Zee fell to save him. Instead of torturing the plants, he treats them like how he thinks Zee should've been treated. Leaf spots are fine, imperfections are okay. The plants are the most beautiful in London, and also the happiest.

The Arrangement is still the same, only Zee proposed it because he's still in denial about falling and wants any excuse to do something good. Luci agrees, because he wants a chance to rebel without anyone noticing.

Nicknames!!! Zee calls Lucifer 'Luci' (Lucy) and ,of course, Angel, while Lucifer calls Zirael 'Zee' and 'birdbrain' when telling him he's an idiot.

Features! So I know we get the Angel!Crowley eyes in s2, but i like to think he still has to wear sunglasses cuz when the sun catches his eyes they turn molten gold :]

Zee's eyes go from blue to black, easy enough to pass off as very dark brown. His hair stays the same though, it just never turned darker. He says the sulfur bleached it. Is that true? Probably not.

Zee is very very jumpy, his eyes are always flicking around and he's barely ever relaxed. Luci on the other hand is mostly calm, except when something goes wrong. Then he uses every swear word known to mankind that doesn't involve blasphemy because he doesn't wanna get scolded by head office.

Dynamic

Zee is a lot more flirty than Aziraphale. His time as a demon has taught him some Things™️. He still very persistently believes in the system, though it's easier to pick apart his resolve when you point out that he fell because he thought the system was unfair to Lucifer. Luci is the opposite, not sure how to respond to the flirting and getting very tongue tied (ngk.). He is however very willing to finally cut ties with heaven, which means Paradox. Zee keeps trying to convince Luci to stay in heaven, Luci keeps trying to convince Zee to Go Off Together. Zee terrified of consequences, Luci bored out of his skull with heaven's monotony. The only reason he stays is because he remembers Zee's sacrifice. He knows that Zirael didn't want to fall. He did it so Lucifer wouldn't have to.

This makes the season two finale oh so interesting HEHEHEHHEHGEHGEGEH

Lucifer gets the proposition to return to his position as Supreme Archangel, for things to go back to how they were before he was demoted. He, naturally, tells the Metatron exactly where he could stick it. Zee gets mad about this because Lucifer could make heaven better! He could make the system better, prevent anyone from falling without reason ever again. Luci gets pissed because he's been complaining about heaven to Zee for thousands of years and now that just means nothing??? he should go back?????? because of a broken system? But he doesn't mention that the Metatron told him he could restore Zirael. When he finally yells it out at the end of their arguement, right before the kiss, Zee freezes and stares at him. Lucifer realized. Oh shit. This is the one thing he's wanted more than life on earth for all this time. And i'm refusing him it, although it's my fault he lost it in the first place.

Zee won't ask him to go to heaven if he so clearly doesn't want to, definitely not now. Luci kisses him as an attempt to apologize, it's gentle and Zee doesn't push back but he also doesn't respond. At all. He just turns away and starts organizing his books. Just as Lucifer is about to leave, tears in his eyes, Zee says, very quietly; "If you won't do your job, I'd better start doing mine."

The next day, Lucifer comes back with a whole apology script written. He doesn't find Zee there. Instead he finds a random guy from a bookshop that closed a couple months ago.

[lavenoon]

Since I can't read yet I come here with a question instead! (And if this wasn't already planned and won't spoil anything, of course). Because I'm an absolute sap, how does the first kisses happen with each of the boys?

So, the truth is, nope no kisses were planned - because while I am absolutely a hopeless romantic, I often forget there's a part after the mutual pining. Whoops!

But our idiot trio... They grow closer and don't even really notice. Like walking a mile and just thinking about each individual step, then looking back and going "Oh"

The reveal is a midpoint for that - they grew as close as they could for the roles they occupy in each other's life, and afterwards have that relationship as solid base to build even more on top of it.

Now for the actual kisses?

It's Y/N who takes initiative in both cases - the boys are a little more aware of how down bad they are, desperately trying to flirt while a lot of it either flies over Y/N's head or they interpret it as "normal" behavior (which it is, but still, way to miss the point, dear). So the little bird is the one who has to have their "Oh." moment!

I think. Well, this is me, and on the fly adaptations are the norm, so yes.

This realization comes late (because I am a whore for mutual pining, even though it's not quite self-aware in Y/N's case), after HQ finds out that they know each other's identities.

In the end, our dear star agents are let off the hook easy, due to some combination of "Well, we kind of knew this was going to happen sooner rather than later, our mistake to not separate you immediately", Dawn being a convincing bastard along the lines of "Knowing each other's identities can be quite the advantage, actually. We can join each other's long-term missions without any risk to our civilian identity, and you know how effective we are in the field", and also some bit of plot armor, I suppose (lmao)

But I've mentioned it before - they get one "test" mission to see just how efficient their trio is, and if it's worth looking past the (unintentional) breaking of rules). I still kind of want this to happen on a cruise? For Reasons(TM)

Robin poses as a high-standing trust fund kid, a role they despise but which explains both the need for a bodyguard and why no one has actually seen them before when they introduce themself. They play the role decently well by simply channeling their snappy attitude they used to show towards Dusk back in the day (and of course, still sometimes do, but much much more affectionate these days)

Dawn is the daytime bodyguard, mostly present for the afternoon meetings and keeping Robin from just. Mauling the sleazy business people they're forced to mingle with. They get flustered more than enough, still more used to the nice neighbor, so to be out of their comfort zone within the mission and then kept off balance by their way too smooth rival/ bodyguard?

It gets worse when they just feel that twitch in their fingers, watching as illicit deals go through, and they can't do anything yet. Sun makes sure to hold them back, a firm but gentle hand on their shoulder before he takes their hand to brush over their tensed knuckles. Signals them that yes, he saw, too - and it'll be okay. They'll take care of it together as soon as they can, and there's absolutely no doubt about that in his mind. The confidence is infectious, and Robin has a small moment of realization just how much they trust and understand Sun, and how much more they want to learn - they couldn't imagine a life without him long before already, but this makes them aware of that terrible need for more, still. All this condensed in the short thought "God, I want to kiss him."

They need to process that.

Unfortunately, Dusk doesn't help. Smug as always, he's their escort for any of the evening activities, more focused on the social aspect and having fun. Some dances, smarmy cocktail parties, plays - you name it, there's something going on, and for the sake of information Robin has to attend as much as possible.

They try to interact with everyone else, but truly just cannot stand these people, and are too unused to playing nice. They regularly tap out, and just go back to their bodyguard - scary guy, really, don't they mind? "Not at all, he's a sweetheart! (:" *cut to Moon standing near the wall, glowering with thermal vision and sharp teeth, arms crossed to hide the twitching fingers* "... Right." But they go back, and notice that it's reassuring for them both. They drag him onto the dance floor at some point, missing steps and dancing out of tune, because they just get so caught up in their usual banter. One comment just nearly breaks them, and they fear they're threatening to burst their cover with how loudly they want to laugh. If only they could shut him up with a kiss -

Wait.

Again?

And thus the crisis begins. They bide their time for a day or two, just processing that yes, they're in love with their - their.

Their everything sounds so incredibly cheesy - but they are, aren't they? Neighbors, rivals, friends - they touch each other's life on all accounts.

Theirs, they settle on. That's what they want the boys to be, anyway.

They don't know when it started - they just look back, and it looks like this was always the way things would have gone. Of course they ended up here - every step only took them closer to this point.

It's time for the next one, then.

Turns out they're just a bit of a romantic sap, and they look for "good" moments. Fortunately for them, I am also a romantic sap, and will god mod their universe to fit my cheesy needs.

They get Dawn first. They have a moment to themselves, after a long afternoon of boring meetings, and Robin stays behind in the room for a moment to breathe. Dawn waits near the entrance, glaring at a few people that just carelessly shoulder check him. Lets out a noise of disgruntlement, then crosses the room to check on Robin. They assure him they're fine, they just need a moment without this stuffy atmosphere. They glance up at him - and the amount of brain cells that activate in that moment is unheard of for them.

Perfect opportunity. "Lean down", they ask him. "Your tie's messed up. Let me fix it?" And Dawn - well, he's positively surprised for sure, that's a bold step for his little thief! So he is not complaining! He obliges, so so happy and confident that they finally started making some advances! He does not expect that they are about to just skip a couple steps entirely. Tug him down by his tie, the other hand settling on his shoulder, but the kiss itself is surprisingly delicate after the startling force to get him there. They pull back after a moment, trying to assess - and Dawn is just completely stunned. Well. They were pretty sure, but... "I didn't misunderstand, right?"

That's when Dawn snaps back to reality, and just cups their face with both hands, widest grin on his face before he mimics that first kiss again and again. But it's too passive for him, and they got their human kisses, so now he's adding a good nuzzle into the mix, all while Robin starts giggling. He's a little eager, after months of pining - so the two of them may stumble into the chairs and desk behind them. The noise does startle them out of their little moment, but then Robin looks at him, and just entirely deadpan says "Don't tell Dusk. I'm going to get him."

Dawn loses it, which is saying something, and they join in immediately after. He does promise to not snitch, though.

They don't have to wait long. Another on deck cocktail party, and they end up staying late long after the staff cleaned up the last of the drinks and snacks. The night sky out at sea - that's a view even Dusk will let them stay up for. They just lean on the railing, listen to the waves crash against the ship, and crane up their necks to look at the stars. After a while Robin does feel that, so they crack it. Dusk, very much interpreting that as "that sounded bad", just immediately looks down to check on them. They blink, surprised, when he's all worried with his hands near their neck, just fluttering and checking for an injury that isn't there. Yup, they think. This idiot gets it, and now. So they cup his face, resulting in a surprised little jolt when he locks eyes with them. Idiots already getting kissed. A little more insistently than Dawn, perhaps, but also over just as quick. They pull back again, look at his stunned expression, and grin. "Yup, been wanting to do that for a while."

Dusk... Appalled. Offended. Insulted to the core. He grabs them by the lapels of their suit, dragging them forward, and just shakes them (gently). "Then why did you wait this long?" And they're just holding onto his wrists and giggling, going "But this was perfect!" "I'll give you perfect -" "Like right now?" "Right -" And he blinks at them, and yeah, actually - like right now. Some of the remaining staff do remind them they aren't alone at some point. They just kind of slink back to their room then - giggling to each other like the fools they are.

They do kind of agree to leave any further new PDA for after they return home, and somehow the pining becomes much more bearable with the thought that it's only a few more days. There's a date - and then they'll discuss going on one <3

[autobot-ratchet]

MTMTE 56, 57, and Revolution

MTMTE 56

and now for something completely different

“I know I'm paranoid. Contrary to popular belief, that doesn't mean I think everyone's out to get me. It just means I don't know who is and who isn't.” HEY. BIG SAME LMFAO not to gripe on fandom culture once again but y'all literally ruined my brain chemistry and I think it's fair for me to talk about it lmAO I know that not literally everyone who participates in fandom is an insane person who wants to start a harassment campaign against a complete nobody like me because it would be easy clout and no one would help me, in fact most of you are pretty cool, but I know someone will. Because someone always does. I've seen enough of my peers get hurt and/or die to know that someone always does, even if you think you're not popular enough. Like, I hope y'all realize what a fucking act of bravery posting all this has been for me lmfAO you have no idea how many times I've had to stop myself from editing out a hot take out of fear that even one chronically online individual might feel the need to punish me to protect the purity of the funny alien robot comic, including this paragraph

gfdsjkk I forgot Fort Max just fuckin kicks Prowl while he's in his alt mode so it just looks like he's kicking a police car. ACAB

oh god Outrigger's a fuckin youtuber lmAO

aww I do like that both Fort Max and Red Alert tried to get in contact with anyone they could when they saw everyone's farewell message, they still have everyone's numbers. Ooh except Chromedome changed his, or at least I assume Prowl's talking about Chromedome

ooohh right, this was another theory if I remember correctly, that Fort Max used to be Pious Maximus, like he got shadowplayed from being one to the other. I vaguely remember a panel I think way back in the Shadowplay arc of a dude in the background who looked kind of like Fort Max when Prowl and Chromedome found one of the institutes

casually thousand yard stares off into space at Sentinel's monologue about how Cybertron is now full of “mongrel Cybertronians” and he wants to “wipe the slate clean.” I wish life would imitate art would imitate life a little less lmfAO

*points at Prowl* lol but also Sentinel leave Red alone, he doesn't deserve this

MTMTE 57

ohh man here we go, last issue of MTMTE. It's not the end of the comic, it just changes names, but this still always feels like a milestone. The name changes, the main artist changes, this is absolutely a turning point and it always feels strangely bittersweet to reach it during a readthrough

“You're not one of THOSE, are you?” is still such a funny line of dialogue, truly on some care bears villain shit

still incredibly funny that Prowl has to use his table-flipping skills to reactivate the titan. The release mechanism was just. Conveniently table-shaped

man no wonder Red Alert got overwhelmed and tried to end it, poor dude's been out here playing 4D chess with his own brain for millions of years

fgshdjks Sentinel gets knocked into a pit by a bird and unceremoniously falls to his death. I've never seen anyone get more owned in my life

“You hate change. I sympathize.” “I hate endings.” “Same thing.” yEAH. YEAH THAT'S WHY THIS ALWAYS FEELS SO BITTERSWEET like yeah it's not an actual ending, but it is the end of certain constants that had been established (like the name, the main artist, etc) and like. That's enough! That's enough of a change for it to be felt! Not to get too deep or anything but it's normal to mourn for the loss of a life you're still living because it's no longer the same life

MTMTE Revolution

but before we move on, one more issue of MTMTE lmAO

god I completely forgot about Crankcase's online boyfriend

gfsjdkl Krok and Fulcrum trying to help Crankcase prepare for his date........ they're real ones

gOD THEIR STUPID HOLOMATTER AVATARS...

THEY FUCKIN BURIED HIS ASS god they are so bad at humans lmfAO

aww, Grimlock... shame he had to level a handful of cities to get his keepsake back but that's very sweet lmAO

fdhjks poor MP3

[lumiereandcogsworth]

you might’ve written about these already (and now I’m blanking on if I have asked already??? I don’t think I have?) how did Maurice and Maria react to finding out they were having a baby? did they disagree on if she’d be a little boy or girl? did they have any preference? did it take them awhile to pick out her name? how did they react when they felt little Belle move for the first time? I’m stuck with baby brain at the moment, as you can tell 👁️

AAAHH!!!! I wanna write about the moment Maria tells Maurice SO badly. You KNOW. How I FEEL. About PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS!!! I am so excited to gush about all this to you AAAAAHHH thank youuuuuuuu

In short, they were OVER THE MOON when they found out. I have a little fic about it but they were soooo excited to start their family. They wanted their home to be filled with children and chaos and laughter and love. When Maria realizes she’s pregnant, she has a whole plan to tell Maurice when he returns home from his day of work. But he throws a wrench in her plan by coming home for lunch!! She plays it off like it’s fine and normal but he can see right through her and can tell she’s being Weird. And she really can’t keep a secret from him, so she says something like “Oh, I had a whole plan to tell you…” “Tell me what?” “There’s… There’s going to be a child.” and Maurice Knows what she means but he’s just so in disbelief that he says “You mean… we… are you…?” and she nods so happily and puts his hand on her belly and says “We’re going to have a baby.”

And all at once Maurice just turns into such a mess. He starts crying and hugging her so tight and cupping her face in his hands and kissing her over and over. He cries a lot, more than she does. He’s just so happy to start his family with his beloved Maria. It’s a path in life that he thought was closed off to him for a long time, so he just… he can hardly believe that it’s actually going to happen. And Maria is JUST as thrilled. She’s beside herself with glee. She started talking to him about how many children they were going to have like right when they got married, lmao. She comes from a big family and despite the problems she has with them (long story, but she’s from the aristocracy and she left them to marry a street artist… so they aren’t on the best of terms) she loved growing up surrounded by her siblings and she just can’t wait for that to be her home with her darling Maurice.

They absolutely LOVED feeling her kick and wiggle around. Maria said that it felt like there was a little bird in there, flapping its wings against her belly. That first time was definitely very magical. Maria felt movements earlier on, ones that Maurice couldn’t quite feel yet, but eventually, the first time Maurice COULD feel it, his face just lit up. That’s his baby in there!! Maurice loved to lay in bed beside her and rest his head on her belly, just to feel their little one and to talk and sing to her as well. Maurice and Maria sang ALL THE TIME, there was very rarely a quiet moment in their home during the day, and that only escalated when they now had a little darling to sing to!! They also definitely noticed that certain songs made their little bird dance around more than others, which always made them laugh.

Funnily enough, they actually very much agreed that this baby would be a girl. No rhyme or reason to it, they just both had the same instinct, and it ended up being right. They would have been just as happy had they had a little boy, but for some reason they just knew that this first one would be a girl. They never even really discussed boy names - which is so funny to think about, if they had had a boy, the poor little guy probably would’ve been nameless for a few days while they tried to come up with something!

I actually have a bit of dialogue that is so very THEM that I just haven’t put anywhere yet. But when Maurice first comes in, seeing Maria holding their newborn baby, Maria says “Darling! Look, she’s here🥹” and Maurice is just so overcome with emotions and he says “It’s a girl?” because even though they had been referring to her as such this whole time, obviously they still didn’t REALLY know. But Maria tisks and says “Of course it’s a girl! We already knew that🙄” And Maurice just laughs and cries and goes to meet his daughter.

All throughout the pregnancy, they kept circling back to Annalise. They tossed around some family names, Maurice’s mother Henriette, Maria’s favorite sister Charlotte, but they always fell back to Annalise. They just loved the name, they thought it was so pretty and sweet. As the day drew near, they were all ready to name their baby girl Annalise. But then when she was born, Maria just kept calling her Belle. Ma petite Belle! Purely because she WAS such a little beauty, so it became her nickname. They called her sweetheart and angel and darling and all those other sweet words too, but they ultimately just kept calling her Belle. A couple days went by and they realized that they hadn’t called her Annalise ONCE. Belle sort of accidentally became her actual name lmao. So, a few more days later when they had her baptized, they put her name in the church records as Belle Annalise LaRue :”)

[emisirrelevant]

Willow 2022 1x07 Reactions

I love this show.

-Lol Airk being like "I drank the water- it was...good"

-ALSO IT WAS HIM!! I thought that picture of Kit in the water was Jade and Kit but it was Airk trying to rescue Kit!! That actually made it more symbolic to me to have one sibling try to rescue the other.

-YESSSS ELORA BREAKING THE SURFACE OF THE LAKE I KNEW IT!!!

-ALSO HER HAIR. YALL IT IS RED. IT TURNED FULL ON RED!!!

-ALSO! That small moment when Kit fell but then looked at Elora and Elora looked back. WHAT DID THAT MEAN? (besides my delusional kit x elora self interpreting that as the GAYZE lol)

-LOL the old man "or we're all phantoms in the dream of some vindictive god suffering from a spot of indigestion" ICON "You have coin?" ME ACTUALLY- my broke ass

-the heck is a mudmander?

-okay well the old man definitely isn't a master chef

-Boorman eating the soup anyway in typical Boorman fashion

-Elora's inner cook is probably seething quietly rn LOL

-"Well all these quests and battles all sort of got blended together after a while you know" LOL old man is relatable tho- me when I play Wizard101

-Jade asking "well what do you remember?" me: don't say it- DO YOU REMEMBER- THE 21st NIGHT

-oh shit the watering hole thing is closed now- there is no more water?

-"hey new girl- where you at" OMFG BWAHAHAHAA I CAN'T

-wait what now the water is back?

-the girl "there was a secret sect" me thinking I'm good at the lore despite never having watched the original movie "the blood of the six?" her: "the Order of the Wyrm" "oh" HAHAA

-OOP the girl saying "you weren't thinking about making out right now were you" and Airk going "no of course not totally wasn't thinking that" AND THEN IT SWITCHES TO ELORA

-OHHHH GOD IF AIRK AND THE OTHER GIRL KISS AND IT STARTS DRAMA-

-OMG KIT WATCHING ELORA SLEEP (ahhh okay my kit x elora self is trying not to say anything again-)

-OH GRAYDON JUST KNOCKING THE OLD MAN OUT LOL RIP

-OH NOOO I FORGOT ABOUT THE GALES

-me during the sleigh chase scene- USE YOUR MAGIC ELORA!! MAGIC IT!!! YOU CAN MAKE IT GO FASTER!!! RIGHT??!?!

-OH NOOOOO

-KIT TAKING ANOTHER L?????? NOT A SHURIKEN TO THE ARM??

-NOOO NOT JADE GETTING PUNCHED??

-YESSS GRAYDON BEING USEFUL AND GETTING THE BIRD!!

-YESS JADE COMING BACK AND SAVING ELORA FROM THE DOOM!!

-OMG AAHAHAAAAA I THOUGHT JADE AND KIT WERE GONNA KISS DAMN IT BUT THE PUNCH IN THE FACE AND THEN YANKING THE WEAPON OUT HAHAHA I LOVE THEM BUT OKAY I NEED TO SEE A KISS SOON

-ohh the mudmander is kinda cute

-Graydon lol "I shall name you Kenneth"

-HHHH AHHHH SO GRAYDON IS MAGICAL TOO POSSIBLY???

-LOL Willow training Elora. I love a good fucking mentor training scene

-LMAO I think Willow is having a little too much fun just blasting his staff

-YEAAHHH KIT AND JADE SPARRING AGAIN!!! WEAPON WIELDING WLWS!!!

-YEAAAAAAAAH

-THEY KISSED!!!!

-LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-LET'S GO WLWS!!!!!!!

-OOOH okay. So I sense something is up with Elora again.. We seem to be seeing a slightly more darker side to her.

-Hopefully they don't do that whole plot twist where they turn it all around and Elora turns out to give into the darkness and becomes the villain?

-"because that's what you do when you have honor, right?" oop Zuko from ATLA wants to know your location lol

-AHHHHH NAURRRRR AAAAAAHHH SHE KISSED AIRK AHHH NAURRRR

-Well at least Elora still has Graydon??

-oh well he wants to be alone with Kenneth- so I guess not? lol

-OOH Kit and Willow talking together. I like it!! Rare dynamic!! Give me more of their two characters interacting!!

-OHHHH MY GOD KIT AND ELORA SCENE OMG OMG

-THE BACKGROUND THOUGH??? THE STARS???? THE MUSIC??? HELLOOOOO

-"I was jealous of you"

OOOOHHHHH MY GODDDDDD

FUCK.

IT'S LIKE HIZZIE FROM LEGACIES FOR ME ALL OVER AGAIN.

-oh no Willow- I don't think that's really Mims

-LOL Jade being frustrated with the men for the 80th time

-awwwwwww Graydon finally saying he loves Elora AAAHHH

-SEE OKAY ELORA YOU STILL HAVE GRAYDON

-Although technically I was right and the girl seems to be the Crone so okay I'm not as mad about that kiss than I was before but it still was like ooh- okay ehhh- umm

-"I don't want to keep pretending" "Neither do I"

"I don't want to be Elora Danan"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

-WAIT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

-KIT GIVING ELORA HOPE. KIT GIVING MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH????

-I CAN'T ANYMORE!!!!! I AM UNWELL!

"Well, tough. You're afraid. So am I. My fear doesn't get to define me. I'm not giving it the power. I'm giving it to you. I have never believed in anything my whole life. I believe in you."

SHUT UP.

I AM SCREAMING!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THEY FELL.

OFF THE CLIFF.

TOGETHER.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"My lady"

SHUT. UP!!!!!!!!

THEY FOUND THE CITY THOUGH!!! YESSSSS. THEY DID IT!!! WOMEN!!!!!!

OHHHHH SHIITTTTTTT.

AND HERE WE GO.

THIS IS HOW I KNOW AIRK IS EVIL NOW. MANS GOT A NEW OUTFIT AND A HAIRCUT. HERE WE GO.

ONLY ONE EPISODE LEFT.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

[cartoon-buffoon]

Doing this because I can't sleep and no one will probably see it but: late night post about one of my favorite characters, SKITZO! I find him so silly and love him!!! He's a fucking awful demon and he's in hell for a reason, being a depraved freak, yet he's still a comfort character of mine. Oh and yeah I ofc don't condone his actions yet I still like him as a horror character, I feel like that should go without saying.

Screenshots from "Spare a dime" where Skitzo tries to get money and does a silly little dance to try and get it from a rich ostrich. Look at him being a goofball and putting on a show (he kills that ostrich literally 5 second later lmao).

Interestingly enough Skitzo shows an interest in money which I guess considering he's from hell and works for Idolatry makes sense. However this was before his cartoons were burnt and he got sent down there where he then presumably met Idolatry. I guess greed is also another trait of his? Granted he's fucking insane and ONLY does things for his own amusement and pleasure or because he's angry, yet it's still weird on why he would want money? Eh, he's just crazy I suppose

From "Too Hot to Handle" where Skitzo "works" (killed everyone else) at a fire department leading him to have to go save LD. He technically does save LD but ya know, it's not a Skitzo animation without that dog dying. Anyways: Skitzo himself in this episode puts on a little fire fighters hat and uses an axe as compared to a knife, I think his knife is iconic yet seeing him be a murderous psycho while wearing that hat and brandishing an axe is adorable to me. He also looks so cute when he's sleeping, the little skull exhales make me just wanna pet him while he snoozes despite the fact that he'd rip my arm off.

Screenshot from "Birds of a Feather" where Skitzo communes with nature and tries to befriend a bird. This animation has one of the few moments demonstrating his less crazy side and actual affinity for other—non anthropomorphic—animals. This animation has Skitzo not only enjoying the birds presence but also goofing around with it, it's only when the bird turns it's back on him does Skitzo get annoyed. Skitzo proceeds to murder the bird after it disregards his petting as well and as seen in the second ever animation it seems he dislikes and can't physically handle rejection and because of it he lashes out violently. Back to the image itself however: LOOK AT HIM!!! HE EEPING!!! I find him so cute when he's sleeping and just at peace not hurting anyone (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠).

Skitzo's origins are a mystery and I'd love to one day just compile as much info there is about him in one place (either by digging through the animations and the YT descriptions or the little bits and pieces we get from Comick's illustrations) as his villain wiki page doesn't do him justice. I find him so interesting as despite his weirdness and downright psychotic nature, he doesn't exactly mean to be murderous 24/7? There's certain things that specifically tick him off sending him into a frenzy and it seems like there's moments where he wants nothing more than to sleep, eat, or mess around. Don't get me wrong, he is still inherently an evil entity that got rightfully sent down to hell, yet as his name implies he's obviously not okay in the head and there's certain factors that contribute to his nature. The most I can compare him to is Nny from Johnny The Homicidal maniac, like yeah they are both fucked up mentally and are sadistic crazy killers, yet there's moments where they don't exactly want to be and certain things specifically trigger violent, crazed, outbursts and episodes. Skitzo is in no way comparable to Nny and his reasons for what he does aren't fueled by an innate distaste for people nor a cosmic curse placed upon him to kill, Skitzo does what he does because he finds it funny, still it's the only real thing that comes to my mind in terms of characters he's similar to (in one specific way). When I say I think about this character a lot I mean it as you can see, THIS IS SUCH A WEIRD HYPERFIXATION TO HAVE BUT ITS JUST AUGHHH!!!! I LOVE THE CRAZY MURDER BEAR! I physically can't describe how much I wanna ramble on about him (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠).

(final note/warning: all the screencaps are from the Skitzo animations on YT created by Comick. Skitzo himself is her creation and all credit goes to her for all the images in this rant. Wanna put a disclaimer as well if you watch the animations yourself, warning!: loud noises + flashing lights + gore + disturbing imagery is a KEY part of each of the Skitzo animations. Reminder he's a horror character and does bad things)