#when it's probably just the fact that i dont follow too many sources who post those bc it's not actively interesting to me!

[animusbell]

howdy!! i saw your tags on the genderswap poll and, regarding the discourse surrounding it, i actually haven't seen anyone arguing that they're inherently transphobic, moreso that they're personally uncomfortable with it!

i agree that i don't think there's anything transphobic about them necessarily (weird people will be weird though. as usual) and i think they're an underutilized way to explore a character's relationship with gender! as a trans person myself, i think they can be used respectfully and in interesting ways as well :D

you know, i am really glad to hear that, because i'm positive that some years back there was somehow a big consensus that genderbends were capital-P Problematic(TM). (included w the whole movement to rename it "cisswap" for reasons i dont remember?) so maybe that was happening in a smaller bubble than I was aware of, or people have actually just moved on from that thought. either way, i'm glad!

(and agreed!! i don't actively seek 'em out much but when i see 'em they're usually pretty neat)

[lanshappycorner]

Deuce Spade facts and fun facts🥳🥳

This is a list of facts and fun facts about Deuce! This list is based on true facts only and any observations I've made, however observations can be subjective, so those will be labeled properly! Let's start off with some facts already in the wiki :)

First Yr, class 1-A, student no.24

Birthday: June 3

Age: at the beginning of the game, Deuce is 16, but currently, he is 17 [his profile in game has not been updated, but as time is proven to flow in game, it is unclear but can be interpreted that the characters do canonly age]

Gemini

173 cm / 5'8" ft

Homeland: Rose kingdom

Family: Mother, Grandmother, it is implied that his father is out of the picture as Deuce states that he is the only man in the family so his father has either left or is dead

Club: Track and Field [alongside Jack]

Best subject: PE

Dominant hand: Right

Fav food: Egg dishes / omurice

Least fav food: Bell peppers

Dislikes: Limited time sales

Hobby: Magical wheel (twst motorcycle I guess but it looks kinda funky)

Talents: Machinery Maintainance [good with fixing gadgets and etc]

Used to be a delinquent before he heard his mother crying on the phone to his grandmother about his behavior. Afterwards he decided to change

Owns a pink leopard printed suit

Cannot do middle school math, he will take a lot of time to solve simple Algebra problems

Gets nervous and stops functioning entirely when talking to women

Onto some fun facts outside of the wiki! These facts have been gathered from various sources (ppl who can read japanese, ppl who have told me abt info in the twst guidebook, twitter, and ofc the main translated story), but I cannot prove 100% authenticity of this, so take it with a gain of salt

Canonly a pretty boy. Deuce is described as the "cool pretty type" in the twst guidebook

Smells like flowers [applies to all students from Rose kingdom]

A romantic, he admired the king and queen of heart's relationship and trey teased him about it

Thought that baby chicks hatch from store bought eggs until the MC and Grim told him the truth

Can cook eggs (he likes them over easy)

Wanted to make a magical wheel club but was rejected so he joined track and field

Bought magical wheel magazines when he was younger and studied it

Wanted to ride his magical wheel in the heartslabyul maze (mentioned he forgets bad things when he rides it so like...it makes him feel better)

Hates limited times sales/shopping but is extremely good at it. He can remember the price of an item, when exactly it sells out, the percentage/probability of when it can sell out, discount prices and pretty much any math that has to do with it [he's extremely good at shopping because his mother brought him out a lot with her to limited time sales]

In addition to the point above, it is implied he can memorize and calculate that for pretty much every item he intends on buying (everything I listed above is in relation to the time he bought 20 limited time puddings which greatly impressed Sebek who wasn't able to grab even 1, but it was later revealed that he also bought 8 bag full of items requested by Trey for baking, as well as the others probably from heartslabyul) so basically Deuce big brain and very good memorization abilities

Hilariously in the instance above, Sebek, who is like...a real fae, has said that what Deuce did was not something a human can do

Flirted with a plant because vil was fucking around with him and told him to

Was ready to fist fight Riddle

Was about to go find Leona to beat him up but Vil was like do u have no fear and Deuce pretty much said that he can get thru to Leona with his muscles

Was about to fight Malleus (jesus christ) but ended up fixing his tamagotchi and came out completely loaded and rich (good for deuce, get that cha ching babey)

Won a Track and Field competition (noted to be rare for a first year)

He is literally a pretty boy, it's been pointed out that he looks good in the ceremonial clothes (but we already know that)

Admires Riddle and sees him as a role model, has called him boss (like...yakuza boss terminology) once

[Observation] Has a pretty good relationship with Jamil as he has asked Jamil to help him practice his Stargazer dance, and mentioned him once again when talking about how Jamil fixed his hat and said that he was a reliable upperclassman

Has said fuck and would not hesitate to say it again 🥺

Has been called honest and cute, was fawned over by kalim and trey. Kalim said Deuce was similar to his younger brothers

During his delinquent phase, he was blamed for many things he didn't do as well, Deuce said that he realized no one believed in him despite what he says, but because a policeman stood up for him, he wanted to become a cop when he grew up

Used intimidation tactics [the equivalent of "u wanna fucking go let's go I'll beat ur ass" to scare off ppl and silver was like hm I will have to try that sometime, to which deuce was pretty much like ahahah no dont

Deuce refers to Yuu as his "mabu", basically calling Yuu his best friend

He can change a lightbulb, and he talks abt hand washing materials and just domestic house stuff in general as if it's common knowledge. In other words it's implied Deuce is really good at housework due to doing a lot for his mother

When he was a kid, he used to cry because he thought there were monsters outside, but it was just hanging laundry

Is more scared of Riddle than ghosts

It's implied that one time (or several times...) he stayed after school with Crewel, and the poor guy had to attempt to explain the same concept over and over again to Deuce for hours until he understood

Ace always cheats in card games with Deuce, so Deuce claims that it's not very fun playing with him

Bad at astrology bc apparently all stars look the same to him

Likes cafe latte

Does tease ppl, he once messed with Yuu and in the process called Ace "Ace-kun" (Ace called him "Deuce-kun" as well). There has been an instance where he's teased Jack about his Niceness TM

Used to have over 30 gang members following him at age 14-15. (You'd think that him being so young would make him like a lackey but no he was the boss)

Has a thing for summoning cauldrons since he was young, but apparently you need to have a large amount of magic capabilities to summon objects, so [observation] deuce may actually be extremely powerful bc he was able to summon things at a young age, but he hasn't refined his powers yet so he still seems weak compared to a lot of the cast

During his delinquent phase, apparently he had a really wild hairstyle and he used his magic on people weaker than him

[Observation] Deuce is actually pretty good at lying. In his Halloween card he was able to put up a good act and deceive some of his ex gang members into following him into the forest before mildly roughing them up (keep in mind that he has not had contact with these ppl for at least a year, yet somehow he was able to assert enough authority to tell them to follow him. Also, he thought of this plan on the spot, and acted malicious enough so that the gang members would believe in him—which proves that he's not only quick witted but a convincing actor, as Jamil actually believed his act for a while)

It's implied that he and Ace are often in leadership positions, as they helped to lead heartslabyul in designing their Halloween booth, but they also mentioned that it was much easier compared to organizing unbirthday parties

[Observation] despite wanting to be an honor student, Deuce is still able to take unjustly means to achieve his goals (EX. Making a deal with Azul to pass his test), in general, deuce doesn't care too much about the method, be it through cheating or violence to get to his goal, but he does value a fair battle

[Observation] a lot of Deuce's strengths are subtle as we are frequently told abt how much of a bad student he is, but if u rly think abt it, deuce is put in leadership positions a lot, he's good a memorization and small technical details, he can be at times quick witted and deceiving, and he has the potential to be extremely powerful in magic. In conclusion Deuce is a menace and once we find out what his unique magic is I'm 100.01% sure he will become a greater menace and I think he should fight a lot of people and win

That will be all for this post! There may be more fun facts/observations that I may have missed, but feel free to add on to this! Anyways thank u for reading and please stan Deuce Spade♠️💙

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

[edge-lorde]

the religion of the galactic horde

“You seem reluctant to help me. But I only wish to use your weapon to bring peace to the darkest corners of the universe. (Glimmer: Peace? If you activate the Heart of Etheria, there will be no one left.) Yes. No war, no pain. Old worlds swept aside, a new beginning for the universe.” --Horde Prime explaining his motivations to Glimmer

the horde in shera was definitely inspired by Christianity and uses a lot of its imagery, the most iconic being the baptism scene. it certainly gives off the vibes of a christian or christian adjacent cult, but what is its actual doctrine? i have some thoughts about that. 

first here are what i consider to be the 3 main differences between real christianity and the horde: 

Their jesus didn't ascend to heaven. He's still with them.

They don't have a larger creator god. They worship horde prime like he is a living god but they don't believe that he created the universe.

They have no focus on the afterlife

this is going to be long.

before i begin heres the sparknotes version of christianity for anyone not familiar. I am not evangelizing this, just think of it as LORE. 

Once upon a time there was a guy named Jesus. He was the son of the one true god, who both created everything in the universe, is everywhere and knows everything, and controls the afterlife. Jesus is god born as a mortal person, sent by god to teach all of humanity the errors of their evil ways so they can repent and go to the good afterlife when they die. There're two afterlives, a good one and a bad one, heaven is the good one and its run by god and his army of angels, which are divine beings that god can send to earth to do things. The bad one is called hell. 

Anyway, in his time on earth jesus was the only person ever to never do anything bad ever (called sin). He tried to teach people how to be good but was Too Good for this Cruel World and was killed. 3 days later he came back from the dead, proving his divinity. Some time after that however, he ascended into heaven without dying, telling his followers to spread the word because hes going to be coming back. Christians today are still awaiting his return. In the meantime, christians follow his teachings left behind in holy texts. 

The crux of christianity is to get to heaven when you die, and this can only be done by following the teachings of jesus christ, believing in god, and believing that jesus was the son of god. Its a given that everyone will do bad things at some point in their lives so you're supposed to pray to god and ask for forgiveness regularly and if you really mean it then god will forgive you. 

thats the basics. 

to my first main point from above, if we posit that horde prime is the jesus equivalent of the horde religion, because hes treated as a living god, his goal is to spread his philosophy throughout the universe, then in the horde religions jesus never ascended into heaven. this would be like if jesus in our world rose from the dead and just picked up where he left off, and never died after that and was alive today. that would be pretty good proof of divinity. 

to my 2nd point, theres nothing in the show that suggests that horde prime thinks that he created the universe. this means that he did not get his divinity from anywhere but inside himself, hes not claiming that hes the rightful ruler of the known universe for any other reason besides his ideas are the best. 

the 3rd point is that the show does show horde prime or the horde caring one bit about the afterlife, save for one line from wrong hordak.

"Brother, I hope you, too, are full of only love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul."

meaning that they have the concept of the soul. which is very interesting and ill get to it, but on the whole the hordes focus seems to be on the here and now. this is a huge departure from christianity because chrisitanity is all about getting to the afterlife. that is the reason that christians are supposed to follow christ and recruit as many people as possible to do the same, because if they dont, they or other people will supposedly go to hell when they die. i say supposedly because at funerals, even if the person who died wasnt a believer, in my experience no christian would ever ever ever insinuate that someone went to hell. 

but the difference still stands. following real christian ideology is supposed to have benefits for the individual in the afterlife, while in the horde religion salvation seems to only be found by submitting to prime in this life and being either a tool that he can use to further his goal of purifying the universe or by letting him remove you from it. 

on top of all that, horde prime has the hive mind, which he uses to control the thoughts of all his followers. this means that theres no room for a bible study, no need of a holy text at all in fact, and no room for interpretation. horde prime delivers orders to your brain directly and can tell if you think anything out of line. real Christianity does have the idea that a sin that you just think about doing is as bad as actually doing it, but in the horde these thoughts can be easily discovered and punished. 

the horde religion seems to me to be a strangely secular version of christianity with only the bad parts remaining; the control, the blind faith, the certainty that you are right and everyone else is wrong, the not questioning authority. with none of the good aspects like community, and good deeds. it is a cult in the truest sense of the word, a religion that begins and ends with one person only, that person being horde prime.

so, if you take horde prime out of the equation, what, if anything, would be left? 

i find the plight of the horde clones here to be the most interesting. we know that they do have thoughts about their religion, as it was hordaks belief that he could earn his way back into horde primes god graces that kept him going all those years in despondos, and wrong hordak is distraught when he discovers that horde prime lied about krytis. 

unlike both the chipped people we see in the show and real religious converts, the clones were born into this cult that values blind obedience only, and have no prior ideology or cultural identity to fall back on when they are taken out of it. 

so to answer this question, i must add some conjecture to horde primes backstory and how the clones see themselves in horde primes universe. I already wrote up a brief backstory idea for horde prime/the clones and have it posted on here somewhere. I'm not going to dig it up but you could probably find it in the #horde prime tag on my blog if you dig hard enough. 

To summarize it though, I have it as horde prime was once a regular (bad) dude who became a cult leader under the premise of preaching peace --> he becomes disillusioned with people and even his own followers because he doesn't actually like people, he likes manipulating them. --> this and the power of being a cult leader go to his head and he starts to think that he is the only person in existence capable of living a moral life and everyone else needs to be saved from themselves, the world would be a better place if he could just make everyone's decisions for them. --> he somehow gets a hold of the technology needed to set up the hive mind, be it by inventing it himself, stealing it, finding it, or being gifted it. 

I'll pause here to address the theory that horde prime was originally an eldritch being that simply possessed a dude who would become the template for the clones. I think there's enough stuff in the show that this is a valid read and might even be canon but i don't really care for it. For me, what makes horde prime a compelling villain is that he's a very human evil, so having him actually be an evil demon thing instead of a really bad but believable dude who got near ultimate power weakens his character. BUT, i’m not going to address it in my comic so i'll leave it open as to whether he's got that going on or not. If he is, the clones don’t know about it and neither they nor the other characters have any way of discovering it. IF he is though, it would happen here. I could see it being a cool idea for him to get the hive mind from the eldritch being that would then possess him and haunt his lineage for time immemorial as a deal with the devil sort of thing, but he has to be a bad person before that.

Anyway he gets the hive mind--> he gets all of his followers to chip themselves --> gets those people to chip everyone else on his home planet --> use his planet wide army to harvest all resources on the planet and build his first space fleet and take to the skies and start his conquest--> realize that if he is to succeed hes going to need to both become immortal and find a steady source of new followers because chipped people die eventually and he doesnt care about people enough to figure out a way to keep a self sufficient population of followers alive, he just wants people around to adore him and do his bidding--> invents his cloning system-->

and heres the big one,

his original body has to die so he can upload his consciousness into a new clone.  

and THAT, to the clones, would be the moment that horde prime becomes a god.

his reliance on the hive mind and vast network of followers are what give him his godly abilities, but just as the horde clones could not exist without being cloned from horde prime, so too could horde prime not exist as he does in the show without them. 

i see it as both a christlike sacrifice and a cyclical system of debt and sacrifice. horde prime dies for our sins, so that he might continue to purify the universe so that there will be no more death and more clones will be born, while the clone hes possessing has to essentially die by giving himself up entirely to become the new prime so all this can happen too, and to repay primes death. not all clones can become the next prime however, but all must be ready to die for him, hence horde prime having clone infantries despite also having robots he could send instead. 

i dont have clear thoughts about what the green goo is, but horde primes words about his brothers lending him their life force go along with this idea. the clones give him theyre life force, so he can give it back to them.

another interesting aspect of this is that prime always portrays himself as a brother to his followers, never a father as christ is portrayed as in christianity. i know this is from hordak and horde prime being actual brothers in the 80s show but ive seen this trope come up a few times in media before, where a man raises a kid but has them call him their brother instead of dad. it seems so deliberate. because a parents job is to take care of you, but a sibling, might take care of you sure, but thats not their job. its like hes deliberately trying to place himself on the same level as his ‘sibling’ so he can demand the same amount of respect you would give to a parent without taking on the responsibility to not... ya know... screw them over in the head? idk it seems very slimy to me. but that says more about prime as a character than how the clones see him.

and we still have the concept of the soul to fit in here somehow, and do they have an afterlife? im going to say no to the afterlife. theres just not enough in the show to go off of and everything that we do know about horde prime points to him only caring about himself in life. HOWEVER, there is nothing more quintessentially christian than the concept of hell and i think that will be of use here. 

since the creation of the clones is tied with the creation of their religion, this would put the clones themselves less as allegories of people who need to be saved and more as the horde version of angels. in my telling here, horde prime views all people who do not submit to his will as net negatives to the universe who have to be removed for peace to exist, so by this view the chipped people are the saved, the people that horde prime kills are the sinners, and his military campaign is one long apocalypse slowly working its way through the universe, with the clones carrying out his righteous judgement. but the afterlife isnt involved in this, so even if some chipped people are left alive, eventually they will all die out, and then it will be just horde prime and is clones in a perfect, peaceful starless sky, and thats what heaven is. 

getting to heaven is the main goal of real christianity and it is the same in horde religion, but heaven isnt a place in the horde cosmology, its a physical goal that has to be created. not all clones will make it to heaven of course, because most will die before they reach total destruction of the universe but the clones arent supposed to think of themselves as individuals anyway. they have to be willing to die for horde prime and die for the cause or be cast out and thats hell. 

i dont see prime as someone who would kill his own followers outright too often even though he could. plus they arent supposed to value their individual lives the same way normal people do anyway it doesnt seem like a real punishment, they need something worse than simple death to fear. so by my view hell for the clones is separation from prime. it can be in life or death. no matter how bad it is in the horde being on the outside of it has to seem worse, and thats where the concept of the soul comes in. when one is a part of the hive mine, their soul is with prime. they are not supposed to have a will or any thoughts beyond love for prime, its essentially the same as not having a soul but they think of it as being at peace. being cast out is to be never at peace and would be told to them as being the worst possible thing that could ever happen to someone because it corrupts the soul. 

“a lot of unpleasant things happen in the horde so just imagine how terrible it must be outside of it! you cant because i protect you from that. now get in the goo, this is for your own good” - horde prime probably 

this is why outsiders are so resistant to submitting to primes light and also why its ok to kill them, in the hordes view. 

so, to start wrapping thigs up, there is no horde without horde prime. the religion starts and ends with him. because he is supposed to be the only person ever to be able to make true moral and just decisions, without him is followers cant take any actions without worrying that they are going against primes will. since they have no holy text they cant extrapolate and try to figure it out either. its up in the air whether or not they are going to find a way to get the horde to make the jump from cult to regular religion.

its late i got to go to bed now

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

Me: *staring at my phone, looking back and forth between episode 6 of the Witcher and the story Bounds of Reason from Sword of Destiny*

They're.... They're not the same story??????

I- okay. *deep breath* okay. I'll admit, I am a person that believes that if something is being adapted to a different medium, the source material should be followed closely. I do understand that not every detail will or can make it, as certain things are either implausible to recreate from text to screen or must be cut in the intrest of time. Do I wish that all my favorite lines and details would make it into movie and TV adaptions? Yes. Do I accept that due to time and pacing cuts on "fluff" is inevitable? Begrudgingly, but yes. But what I cannot stand, is when important aspects of plot and character development and characterization are cut and redistributed for absolutely no reason.

Which brings me back to episode six adapted from Bounds of Reason. If you were to change names, locations, general features, and titles of one of these and then were to show both of them to me and say one was vaugely inspired by the other but they hold no actual relation, I just might believe you. The share a vague basic premise of "dragon on a mountain that was terrizing a village and the king can't have that because marriage, so the plan is to find it and kill it, but one of the party is secretly a type of dragon that many belive to be a myth who's goal is to protect and raise a baby dragon" but other than that? Everything else is different??? Character relations are all completly different. Several character modivations are altered slightly or are entirely different. Most of the rivalries in the episode are not present in the story.

Its like the show runners and writers were operating under "Hey can I copy your homework?" "Sure, just don't copy it too closely" "Dont worry, I wont" and then they really don't??

Before I point out all the things in the episode that were nowhere to be found in the story, I would like to say that I did like both versions. On its own, treated as a separate entity all together, I still like episode 6, and in fact its probably my favorite episode from The Witcher. It had some great moments and plenty of emotion. But it is completly different from the story that it is based from. And that really bugs me.

And now I'm going to list the things that were in the episode but not in the original story, regardless of if I liked the change or not.

Jaskier was not with Geralt when he slayed the monster and met Borch.

Borch did not enlist Geralt to be a member of his "team" to slay the dragon

There were no established dragon hunter teams

There was no ill will or rivalry between the Reavers and the dwarves

Yennerfer was not fawning over the knight

Jaskier did not pursue Véa and Téa

The knight did not hack apart a random creature

The knight was not slaughtered while pissing

The entire splitting up to take a thin shortcut is not exactly what happened

There was no sex scene or resulting pillow talk

The mountain break up did not happen

There was no anger and blame due to the wish debacle

The story ends with no ill will between any of the primary characters

Thats a lot of major differences. And that's only what the episode had that wasn't in the story. Thats nothing of what was actually in the story, but I'm not going to get into that, as this post is getting long.

Essentially: Episode 6 shares basic concepts and characters with the original story, but other than that, they are entirely different.

[doberbutts]

I didnt know you had POTS! I'm a fairly recent follower. I have POTS too. In your last post you also mentioned EDS and CAH. I know EDS (i seem not to have it for now, tho i'm hypermobile too) but i dont think i've heard of CAH. What does it stand for? And, if you're comfortable answering, you qlso mentioned that having those three meant pain lasts for a long time. Why? Or, which one (or which combination) causes that? I've been watching myself for EDS for a while and i'd like to know if there's any other signs to look for.

CAH is Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, which is an intersex condition that my doctors told my mom I probably have at birth, that she chose to not pursue further testing or treatment except to try estrogen therapy which SUPER DID NOT WORK when other symptoms popped up further down the line. CAH is not normally found in female-bodied people with EDS so this is just one reason why we're having a hard time figuring out if I have one or the other- there are genetic overlaps within both dx's that can cause these symptoms without actually causing the condition, and covid kind of interrupted my seeking answers as an adult. I haven't been back to the doctor for non-emergency reasons since the pandemic began.

TLDR I probably either have one or the other but it's still unknown which. My money's on CAH just because of the circumstances at birth and the fact that certain sex characteristics of mine have never fit the definition of "female", again confirmed during an emergency room visit where we discovered one of my ovaries is Probably Not An Ovary, which can happen in any intersex condition and since I was supposedly flagged for one the second I came out of my mother...

As for why:

POTS can and does cause complications with pain, especially nerve pain. A growing pile of evidence suggests POTS itself is an autoimmune condition which means that any inflammatory trigger, be it stress from internal or external sources, or just because your body feels like it that day, will worsen your symptoms and also with worsening symptoms comes worsened stress and so it becomes a cycle that feeds itself. I see this most often with my monthly cycle, in which I am in severe pain and distress, trapped in a vomit-faint-diarrhea cycle for several hours with no escape.

EDS of course can cause fairly severe chronic pain, but is also worsened by the presence of pain and stress. Once again this means you can be caught in a self-feeding cycle of severe pain that simply crescendos without relief and that pain medication doesn't touch. Then you add that it's very common to see EDS with POTS...

CAH is not common (no intersex condition is) but is the most common of all intersex conditions affecting otherwise female-bodied people except perhaps PCOS, which varies on whether it "counts" as intersex based on the severity of the symptoms. Seen in less than 10% of POTS patients (which btw is still a huge number compared to the fact that intersex people make up less than 3% of the population of the entire world) but can cause hypermobility, syncope, arrhythmias, high and low blood pressure, hypoglycemia, and more (hmmmmmm sounds a lot like POTS and EDS symptoms)- one of the major tells of CAH is a severe intolerance to stress which can lead to a lifethreatening situation as the body completely destroys itself from the inside. This means that CAH patients need more painkillers, more aggressive treatment, and more monitoring to ensure that their bodies do not just up and quit the second they're in too much pain. Their bodies cannot release enough of the hormones that allow them to deal with even mild forms of pain, so that means that pain is acutely felt and also that it does not go away or become ignorable for quite some time. Which also slows and severely complicates the healing process as the body tries other means to protect itself from further injury.

Humans heal... poorly... when under severe stress or when feeling severe pain. A lot of people have disparaged the use of painkillers, especially opiates, by saying that you just need to toughen up. This is dangerous advice, because many syndromes that require a higher dose of pain medication or more aggressive pain management will literally result in that person's injury or illness becoming way more severe than it needs to be. Even people who do not have these types of syndromes are shown to have slower healing times and worse end results if pain is not managed appropriately. Pain causes stress, and stress interferes with the entire rest of the body because the body wants to fix the source of the stress before anything else. Stress also activates your fight-or-flight response (which is why it's SO BAD for the three dx's above) which also means that your body is not given a chance to truly rest, which is honestly the only time your body has to actually heal rather than focus on keeping you alive and awake.

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

My top 7 Arsenal wfc players, aka the whole team because they're all my children and you can't chose between children

(And they're not many more than seven anyways)

Beth Mead: a wizard on the wong and the original crot queen. She may not have had the best season this year but shes still managed to play an important part in the team and has conquered many hearts in the process. If she has to retire early because of all the hits she receives during matches then she's got a bright future ahead of her as a cringey tiktok star or, if that fails, a career as a HSM impersonator on cruise ships

Cailtin Foord: there were mixed opinions when she was first announced as a new signing, but she almost immediately became one more member of the arsenal family amongst players and supporters alike. Before Covid struck shes already stamped her mark on the club with her skill and made her way onto the scoresheet, and now shes also made her way into Lia's house and infected the squad with the chaotic tiktok bug

Dan Carter: literally a gooner through and through having played for arsenal for practically all her life and pulling through in the big moments. Heartbreak and injury have been her middle names for over the past year having sustained two ACL injuries in 14 months. Even if she hasnt had as much of an impact on the pitch shes still been a large part of injury fc, with her and her diary always being a source of sarcasm and banter through it all.

Danielle Van De Donk: she probably described herself best when she said she was a feisty puppy who wants to ball. A woman who takes no prisoners during matches, opponents refs and the back of nets all fear her. Off the pitch though shes a real softie who radiates chaotic energy and yet has developed over the years into quite the leader (even if she still follows beth around on her tiktok adventures)

Jennifer Beattie: a friendly giant who quietly puts in all the work at the back, being an absolute unit as a last line of defense which was sorely missed during her injury. She came back from City because arsenal is home and that's beautiful. Talking about beautiful, her and Chloe. That's it, nothing more needs to be elaborated on. Pretty underrated although shes been getting more attention lately, she makes Kim company as the quiet Scottish duo who are lethal on the pitch

Jill Roord: despite her love hate relationship with goal posts, shes still made her mark at arsenal this year especially thanks to the fact that she has remained injury free this year (dont worry I touched wood when I typed that) and hopefully next year when shes settled in even more to the team and the league then she'll be able to show what she's truly made of. That is, if she lasts that long before the team kick her out for being too annoying. A woman who likes the two extremes, Frozen and Olaf as well as blonde tattooed players and famous thirst traps, she epitomises this soft yet hard personality dichotomy too

Jordan Nobbs: calm, composed, skillful, professional, dynamic and with the capacity of being able to astutely read the game, she's the personification of arsenal in a player. Having been at the club for a whole decade now she's practically lived it all and yet she continues on hungry for better and more. With the way she acts on the pitch you would never guess her forgetful, dorky, awkward nature off it. The woman with both the longest nando's order ever and the shortest attention span.

Katie McCabe: the Irish devil, the arsenal player founder of the tucked in shirt, member of the love to hate her girlfriend club. Her almost permanent move to left back this season has reaped bountiful benefits for her, a flexible player who always finds freedom on the wing shes proved herself as lethal as both a defender and a finisher. In Jordan's words, she talks about her biceps all the time, but so would I if I was that stacked. That being said, Ruesha always finds a way to beat her which is probably payback for her scoring against West Ham in the cup

Katrine Veje: another player lost to injury this season, although lockdown has treated her well (that makes one of us) and she's apparently fully fit again. Shes been sorely missed as a fullback for most of her season, her explosiveness and crosses in particular. As it is shes used her time to get in some spectacular photoshoots and just be and just be a source of clownery as a veteran at injury fc

Kim Little: as silent as Kim and as deadly as Kim should be new british sayings at this point. Quick on her feet with nerves of steel shes an impressive player to watch and is sometimes the glue in the midfield that keeps arsenal together. Her professionalism both on and off the pitch is as big as her dislike of cameras

Leah Williamson: the face of arsenal and not because of her looks, rather because of her insane talent and her embodiment of all things arsenal. From the moment she was born arsenal was pumping through her veins. One of the best up and coming CBs with long range passes for days she has been a crucial part of the arsenal squad for so long you forget she's just 23. What she lacks in some of her fashion choices she makes up in her bright and nerdy personality and her never ending stream of insults directed at Jordan

Leonie Maier: she recently said that she has never regretted the decision to move to arsenal and that has been because shes been able to shine in defense mainly alongside Leah, each playing off each other's strengths and developing herself as a player in a new league which is never an easy transition. Dont let her banana bread making trick you into thinking shes the mum in the group, shes proved herself to be as chaotic as the rest of them.

Lia Walti: arguably the best thing to come out of Switzerland since toblerone (much better than swiss cheese though). Like a lot of arsenal players, it sometimes seems like she would be better off playing in bubble wrap so she wouldnt sustain as many injuries. She's an intelligent player, one of the best qualities to have as a midfielder, with skill coming out of her ears and unfulfilled potential still to come. Her sunshine-like looks can be deceiving though because she leaves her brain cells in the changing room, as is becoming an arsenal tradition.

Lisa Evans: another alround players who, as a winger-cum-fullback, has thrived in her position this year. Her defensive position yet forward thinking mentality has proved deadly and when shes been given space to roam the wing too shes provided goals and assists a plenty. Her unpredictability on the pitch translates into her chaotic tendencies off it and a love for the arsenal anthem “we've got McCabe, Katie McCabe”. Sometimes she likes to pretend that she's a seal (exhibit A attached below)

Louise Quinn: it would be stereotypical to say that it's natural that shes so good at headers due to her height, but stereotypes exist for a reason and her tower-like build makes her a match for any Millie Bright in the heading department. She's a consistent, sturdy player who is great at starting up play from the back in many cases providing that vital first past (sometimes with her head because she's tall). Her pastimes include drinking a lot of coffee, understandable that she needs to refuel considering her height, and making fun on her teammates so that they dont make fun of her accent and her 183 cm length. Have I mentioned that she's tall?

Manuela Zinsberger: an extremely talented goalkeeper although sometimes people can excusably confuse her with being arsenal's eleventh outfield player. Another bayern recruit she's been key this season making some great saves and causing a few heart attacks in the process (west ham's penalty box free kick anyone?). She may look tough but she's just as much a clown as the rest of them

Pauline Peyraud-Magnin: the second proud member of the goalkeepers union. Shes not called the Hulk for no reason, racking up some great saves and skills with her feet even as Joe's second choice. What she lacks in command of the english language she makes up in utter chaos including hand gestures, shouting and eratic dancing, well as staging photoshoots at arsenal's gym.

Viki Schnaderbeck: shes been able to mostly avoid injury fc this season after a long stint there last year and her hardwork has paid off to establish her as a mainstay here as a skilled defensive player. Shes been loud and proud recently on social media and I am loudly and proudly here to support it

Vivianne Miedema: in Katie's own words “the goat”. Absolutely lethal as a center-forward, calm collected and composed in front of the goal, and also crucial in providing build up play and assists. She can both hold off opponents and reach an unmatched maximum speed with surprising ambidexterity and complete nonchalantness. The only player who is actively lazy and is able to get away with it. She puts up with a lot of chaos but is not unknown to add to it too, mainly providing subtle humor and sarcastic wit. Not a personality for the faint hearted.

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

[ao3gingerswag]

Learning

Prompt Submission by modernurbanfantasy:

I would love some sort of future situation (if/when) Dean, Cas and Sam when they are back at the inn around how smart Sam is. Like we know how smart Sam is (and I think Dean probably does as well) and he wants to get Sam some education (in the church or in some local school) but that is obviously v difficult. So he is all sad thinking about what he would need to do to get Sam into a school and is trying to hide it from Case and then like idk Bobby or something is able to help get Sam some sort of deal with the local school bc they see how smart and talented he is. Idk just an idea. 

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE OUTSIDE

To: Pastor Murphy

My name is Sam and I am 10 years old. I saw your pamflet on the phisics of momentem posted on the church bulitin borde. I liked it a lot. I am writing to you becase I think you made a mistake tho. You cubed the largest side of the triangel when I think you meant to square it. If you square it it solves the problem you were talking about. I tride to go in to tell you but the man at the door said no I cant come in becase theres no church today and only the students can go in. And I dont go to the college. I tride to say I need to see you becase you made a mistake and tride to show him but he said i dont know what your talking about. So I am writing this note and leaving it here on the borde for you.

Thank you.

-Sam

Dear Sam,

In all the years I have posted my articles on the church bulletin, I have not once received a response from the local population. I have always continued to post them regardless, just in case anyone is reading them. I was so happy to discover that my efforts have not entirely been in vain.

I have received several letters from my colleagues since the publication of my paper pointing out my error, but none have been so polite as yours. Did you know, none of my own students caught the mistake you so kindly made me aware of? Authority is the bane of progress, I often think, as it seems since I took my position none but the few others in similar positions dare to question whatever I say.

Sam, I am delighted that Whitecreek is blessed with a child as inquisitive and bright as you. It is not often that I meet ten year olds who are interested in physics, much less those who can follow my published papers. If you like physics, I would be happy to meet with you and your parents this coming Sunday to discuss the subject and the possibility of furthering your education.

I am leaving this note with the guard you spoke to last week, and have asked him to give you this letter if he sees you again. If you have another letter for me, you can leave it with him and he will pass it along. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Pastor Murphy,

The Whitecreek College of Natural Sciences

Hello Pastor Murphy,

Sorry I didnt come to the church Sunday I didnt get your letter until now. I dont live in whitecreek we only come once a month to get suplies. I live at the inn outside of whitecreek they call it the willow inn becase it is near a willow tree. Maybe you have heard of it maybe not if you dont travel.

I like everything not just phisics I like biolagy and astranomy and math and I like reading and I like learning and I like looking at bugs and plants and things in the woods. My dad didnt like it when i read tho becase he didnt know how and he said do you think your better than me. I said no but he still got mad at me. But I dont live with him anymore.

I really like learning a lot. I would like to meet you and talk about phisics and other things but I dont have parents I just have Dean and Cas. They run the inn and I help them. They said I can meet with you but Cas said to tell you that we have no money for school becase he said maybe you think I’m rich becase I can read and write but we are not rich. I learned to read by myself becase I like it. So I cant go to school and cant further my educatin like you said but I would still like to meet with you please if you want to.

Do you have any books I could look at? I like books but no one has any books. Cas has a book and he let me read it but I read it like a hundred times now and memerized it. If you have any books I could look at I would be very gratful and I would not mess them up I would be very careful. But if you dont have books or dont want me to look at them thats ok i understand i would still like to meet you please. I have a lot of questins. Like is the moon hot or cold. And lots of other things. I used to ask my dad but he yelled at me and sometimes he hit me i think especially when he didnt understand the questin.

It is better now becase Dean was always nice to me and listened to my questins and Cas I dont know him so well yet but he is nicer than dad and he hasnt gotten mad at me for asking questins yet. He says you are very smart Sam and it is good to ask questins which is nice. But even tho Dean and Cas let me ask questins alot they sometimes know the answer but usually they dont. They say you know more than me Sam. I think I do know more than them but only becase they dont know how to read I think everyone could learn everything if they just knew how to read. Thats how i learn things.

Please let me know if you still want to meet with me even tho I didnt see your letter in time. The guard said you are not here today becase you are at a lectchure about math in a diffrent city that is so exciting maybe you can tell me about it when you come back. I will be here again in four weeks I will come and maybe I can see you or maybe there will be another letter eether way thank you I am so happy.

-Sam

To: Sam, ten years old. Willow Inn, outside of Whitecreek.

Dear Sam,

I was truly overjoyed to receive your most recent correspondence. I had worried that I had scared you off or that your interest in science had faded. Clearly, these were merely the fears of an old man, who has become a bit too paranoid in his old age. I have in fact heard of the Willow Inn, and in fact I have stayed at it a few times when traveling that direction for a conference or a lecture. It has been a few years since I last had the pleasure of receiving their hospitality, but I had thought it was run by only a man and his son, who was about 13 at the time. Has the inn changed hands, since I was last there? Or has my faulty memory yet again betrayed my years?

In any case, I have sent a courier with this letter to the inn, in order to avoid missing you yet again when you again make your way into town. Sam, I am absolutely still interested in meeting you, regardless of your financial situation. Your literacy and thirst for knowledge is made all the more impressive by your lack of formal education. I will happily share all the resources I have with you, if you would like to learn. The college’s library has many books on all of the subjects you have expressed interest in. We have collections on physics, biology, astronomy, math, and several thousand others. All of these can be made available to you, and if you are as careful as you promise you will be, you can borrow almost any of them and take them home with you for the month. I would be happy to meet with you and discuss your readings when you make your regular trip to town, and could suggest which books you may want to start with, and which to continue with once you have studied those.

I am sorry that you have had difficulty in the past when you have tried to express your curiosity. Unfortunately there are many in the world who don’t care for knowledge, and resent those of us who seek it. I am glad to hear that you are now living with people who are more understanding of your interests, ignorant though they might be of them. I must say that I am struck by your optimism regarding the natural learning capabilities of the general population. I strongly agree with your statement, which I have quoted here because it means so much to me: “I think everyone could learn everything if they just knew how to read.” This is an opinion which I have always agreed with, and have been trying to convince many of my colleagues of for most of my long career. I am glad we are of the same mind in this area.

In answer to your question: Unfortunately, no one knows for sure if the moon is hot or cold. The prevailing theory currently is that it is cold. The reasoning here is that we are fairly certain it is made of stone, and stone is cold unless otherwise heated. In the absence of an internal heat source, we assume the moon is likely cold to the touch. However, we cannot know this for sure without knowing exactly what it is made of and how this material would be affected by the heat of our sun at its current level of exposure. Perhaps when you grow up, you will be able to figure this out for us.

I look forward to hearing your other questions when we meet, and I of course will be happy to share what I learned at my conference with you. If I am correctly understanding your schedule, I believe you will be in town again two Wednesdays from when this letter should reach you. I will be at the church from dawn to dusk on that day. The guard will know to let you and your family into the building, and we can discuss the possibility of further meetings then. Please give my best to your family, and I wish you the best until then.

Pastor Murphy,

The Whitecreek College of Natural Sciences

Hello Pastor Murphy,

I asked the man to wait for a minit so I can write a letter back and he said he would but I cant take forever he said so I wont. I am so excited to meet you in two weeks I am going to write all of my questins down. I am so excited to see your books I am so excited to learn. Cas said we can all come meet you together and then they will go do shoping and I can stay if thats ok or Dean can stay with me if you want. That is so intresting about the moon i didnt think about that thank you for explaneing. I will be so careful with your books if you let me take them home and I will read anything you say I should I will be good and learn fast and you will be happy you let me learn I promise I will be good and you will not regrat it. Thank you I am so excited sorry this is mesy and there are stains I am crying a lot. I would wait to write later but the man wants me to hurry up. I used to dig in the trash to find anything with words on it to read and Dean would let the man at the church do bad things to him so he could bring me pamflets sometimes. I said dont do that but he did anyway and I was always so happy to get them even tho I said dont do that. Which I felt bad about but I still read the pamflets. Anyway if you let me take lots of books home I will learn everything and I will read to Dean and Cas so they can lean too and I will be very happy. I am so excited thank you I will see you in two weeks.

p.s. i forgot to say. Cas’s dad died and now he runs the inn with Dean who is my friend.

-Sam

To: Sam Winchester, ten years old, of brown hair and brown eyes. Willow Inn, outside of Whitecreek.

Dear Sam,

I have sent the courier along once again with this letter. The suggested coursework I promised you is enclosed. I also again wanted to express how wonderful it was to meet you and your family, and how excited I am to have such a bright young man under my tutelage. Your questions were delightful, and I can only hope that I have answered them to your satisfaction.

Please do reiterate to your friend Dean that it was lovely to meet him as well, and that he will always be welcome in my church regardless of the content of his past.

I look forward to seeing you all again in person next month, and wish you the best until that time comes.

Pastor Murphy,

The Whitecreek College of Natural Sciences

Hello Pastor Murphy,

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Sam :)

[stupidusernamepolicy]

Tagged by @shinkimiope thank u <333

1. Why did you choose your url?

I've had it since my deviantart days. I was getting frustrated that all of my ideas for usernames were already taken (I was starting to think the site was bugged lol) so in a fit of anger I typed it just because. It ended up not being taken so I just used it lol

2. Any side blogs?

I have an art sideblog @slavhew because i didn't want to terminally bore people with posting tons of memes in between art

an old gravity falls sideblog I don't use, it's more like an archive now.

Two defunct really old blogs that I should delete but don't want to

A hidden side for "riskier" reblogs which means anything I deem too edgy or explicit for my main lol

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Joined at the tail end of 2015 to enjoy the Undertale fandom at the time

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I do, it's #q

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I wanted to have fun online again and my old accounts were full of bad memories. I also wanted to have a more direct source for fan content other than just reposts

6. Why did you choose your icon?

I drew it on my phone as a meme for a friend and ended up having it for too long to change it lol. Pyke says you're (I'm) a heretic.

7. Why did you choose your header?

I like fires I thought it was pretty

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

It's probably the meme I made making fun of my instrument when I was frustrated that it couldn't play low tones jdjfmdmf. It's got a thousand-somethign notes now

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Uuu I really don't keep track. Mostly cause I've had everyone around for a long time and we more often than not passively follow eachother djjcjdx

10. How many followers do you have?

661

11. How many people do you follow?

1215

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Many times but rarely takes off. My art shitpost on side are a bit more popular jsbfjdf.

13. How much do you use tumblr every day?

My usage rises proportionally to how much I'm procrastinating and how shit i feel. Its a good distraction and to mitigate that I usually put stuff into queue so people don't get a barrage of posts otherwise I'd consistently be hitting post limit

14. Did you have a fight/ argument with other blog once? Who won?

Every so often I feel like causing problems on purpose. Most arguments dont really have a conclusion. One radfem insisting women can't be evil that deactivated by the end of it, someone trying to mobilize the aro community to stop "problematic content" (it was peppered with 'save the children' and stupid arguments. They said "free blocklist in notes" then hid my reply from them because I called them out on their homophobic myopic arguments). Misc other stuff thru the years. C'est la vie.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

We are all tired. We all have actual lives and use social media as an escape. If I catch you reblogging more than one of those I'm straight up going to unfollow, I will not have a wall of text guilt tripping me when I can't do anything to help in the first place. Fuck you.

16. Do you like tag games?

I do but I'm forgetful sometimes and it gets buried in my drafts :[

17. Do you like ask games?

I do but due to the nature of my blog even when I reblog them I don't really get any bdbgnnd

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I know for a fact that at least one of them is Tumblr famous in two fandom circles. It's still kinda funny that they follow me on not one but two blogs even after we don't really share those fandoms and I enjoy seeing them on my dash :)

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don't do crushes but I am very good friends with a few people outside of Tumblr too and I think it shows from how often I tag them ajndkxmckc.

20. Tags?

@lemonykleonella @its-me-ej @mingominnie @mediasploshion @shroomberton and whoever sees it and wants to feel free to say I tagged you, nobody will know >:)

[quarktrinity]

Thank you for your Rich post. I think you added a lot to the fandom. Unfortunately, I think a lot of the Fandom Discourse comes from the source itself. As much as I love BMC, I felt it bit off more than it could chew. Jake's own traumas would take an entire musical itself to truly address; same thing for Rich, Brooke, Christine, etc. Musicals only last for 2 hours or less. [1/4 tictac anon]

“They can only truly address so many things, and it certainly cannot resolve everything it brings up, esp if it's heavy things in a musical such as BMC. Imo, we really shouldn't pretend otherwise. But your Rich post brought up some interesting points. You're right; ultimately, Rich DID decide to light himself on fire inside his friend's house with TONS of classmates inside. And he DID choose to bully Jeremy and likely others. [2/4 tictac anon] However, we see that Jeremy could not see Michael or his messages and was constantly bombarded with distractions. Plus, at the end of the musical, Jeremy's movements were starting to get controlled by the SQUIP! Therefore, it doesn't seem quite black & white. Freewill being compromised due to technology is an uncomfortable subject, but I believe it's something the musical DOES address. [3/4 tictac anon] 

After all, the creators did confirm that the theory of the ending being planned by the SQUIP all along was an intentionally valid theory. Not canon but a possibility. "A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond. You want someone to like you... hate who they hate." -- when the SQUIP looked like a common bad guy and gave Jeremy more friends in the end. What are your thoughts on that? [4/4 tictac anon]”

----------

this is all very thought out! im impressed, tictac anon!

i understand the feeling that bmc bit off more than it could chew for character complexity, as it would introduce concepts and not have time to follow through on them. however, i think that this is actually a good thing in a way (while it is fair to criticize), because bmc isnt really about those kids, its about jeremy and his navigation through this social world. 

when his peers are introduced, they appear very one dimensional, simple, cartoony almost, but in sync up, jeremys view of them gets turned upside down as the squip reveals to him that theres more to them than meets the eye. throughout the rest of the musical we see, through his perspective, that all of these kids have a lot of baggage, and its never quite dealt with within the story, but thats not why the story revealed the baggage. their baggage isnt dealt with because its not their story, its jeremys. instead, were shown the complexity of these characters solely for the sake of jeremys understanding of them, not for any character arc they might have. this is actually used when jeremy takes advantage of jennas insecurities in “the pitiful children” to get her to take a squip. he tries the same with christine, but fails. the supporting characters are given depth not to develop them, but to show jeremy and the audience that no one is quite as simple as theyd like you to believe.

on the subject of free will, i think it is an interesting topic the musical discusses (i even consider it psychological horror in a way), but i genuinely dont think that rich was always forced against his will to bully kids. he mightve been a few times, but its definitely not a constant. the reason i think this is that from jeremys experiences, the squip mainly gives him advice, and uses brute force to prove a point to him (see: when the squip forces jeremy to say “my dad drinks too” to show that lying is often the best way to make a friend). brute force is used to establish a cause and effect for jeremy, so he can initiate the process on his own in the future. people might wonder why jeremy snapped at michael at the party, but its really quite obvious: jeremys been conditioned by the squip to engage with that behavior. even when its shut off, the lessons the squip taught him remain. i believe the same process occurred with richs bullying. his squip, at first, mightve forced rich to bully someone, only to show rich that it would result in people liking him, so hed do it on his own later. the squips seem to only resort to brute force when being threatened by their hosts, so i doubt hes just a puppet in strings all the time.

and, as a person whos written 4 musicals (humble-brag intended), i can say with confidence that people can come up with interpretations or theories about your work that you definitely didnt intend, but wont reject because, as any playwright knows, all of what you know about the story is whats in the script. there are no secrets here, no hidden lore, everything in the script is what the story is. so when joe tracz was approached with the “the squip intended the ending the whole time” theory, he probably thought “oh shit! thatd be so cool! cant confirm nor deny that, regardless of my intentions, because technically it would work within the script!” in fact, with any particular production, the director might actually know more about the story of their specific production more than the writers, and the actors will definitely know more about their characters than the writers do. thats something i find really beautiful about theatre as a story-telling medium.

so that theory probably wasnt intended, but that doesnt mean its not true! the events behind the script are always up to anyones interpretation, whether thats the writers themselves, the directors, the actors, or even the audience!

thanks for sending me these asks, they were really fun to answer!

[illusionlockarchive]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[flowerpowell]

Until You Hate Me (Liam x MC)

PART ONE - THE DEAL

A/N: I am so nervous posting this since Liam is not my LI and I might accidently mess everything up. This series is an AU and doesnt follow canon at all. I dont know what else to say, I’m going to hide somewhere once I post it lol but if liked it please make sure to leave some feedback cause it makes my day! Characters belong to Pixelberry!

Rating: G

Word count: 2430

Taglist: @gardeningourmet @delightfullypinkglitter @brightpinkpeppercorn @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cora-nova @client-327 @desiree-0816 @jared2612 @princess-geek @emichelle @ao719 @badchoicesposts @sunandlemons @cordoniantrash @kinggliam @needalittlerain @flyawayboo @nazariortega @jlpplays1 @kimmiedoo5 ♥

(((please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list! I’m well aware most of my perma tag are Drake stans so if you dont want to read a Liam series just tell me and I’ll remove you from this series’ taglist!)))

Regina spat with contempt when she looked around the bar she just walked in. She was sure that if she caught any bacteria or virus here, Liam would be to blame. It was his idea after all.

When her step son was choosing the table for them, Regina was reminiscing about the circumstances that led to this ridiculous situation.

When Constantine died suddenly, Liam had to be coronated quickly but the rules were clear – he needed to have a wife or at least be engaged by that time. The coronation was in two months and Liam still hadn’t chosen his bride. None of the noble ladies that Regina introduced to him were ‘good enough’ for him.

“Liam, I beg you. You need to choose one of them before your coronation! I’ve just sent lady Penelope home, she was the last suitor left!”

“Regina... I told you I wanted to marry for love. All of the ladies are truly amazing but they are not for me.”

“How about lady Olivia? Maybe we can ask her again?”

“She’s a good friend of mine but that’s all.”

Regina sighed. “Liam, I’m afraid there are not many noble ladies left in court. And my vote is still on lady Madeleine. She’s very well prepared to be a Queen and maybe you two will grow to love each other at some point.”

“Lady Madeleine would indeed make a good Queen but a terrible wife.”

“Liam, we ran out of suitors. You’ve sent them all home.”

“Maybe... maybe my wife doesn’t need to be a noble...”

“What?” Regina raised her eyebrows. “You want a commoner to be your wife, to be a Queen?”

Liam ran his hand through his hair, “My mother was a commoner too. And I just... don’t think status is important.”

“Well, you are wrong then.”

Liam shot her an annoyed look before straighting himself. “It was nice talking to you, Regina, but I won’t change my mind.” He bowed slightly before exiting and Regina rubbed her temples. That boy was giving her so much trouble.

“I think this table should do,” Liam extended his hand to Regina and led her to the table he chose. She grimaced as she sat down and took out a tissue to clean the table at least a little. She couldn’t believe she agreed for that. Today was the day she brought up the engagement topic again, a week after their last conversation. They were in New York for a business meeting, Liam as a future King and she still as a Queen, before Liam would be coronated. It was their last day here and Regina came up with a plan on how to make Liam marry a noble suitor.

“Liam, I have a proposition.”

“Hmm? About that deal with France?” He didn’t even raise his head.

“No, about your engagement,” she said and Liam turned to her.

“Regina, we talked about it and--”

“Let me finish. Let’s have a deal. You can choose a commoner that will catch your attention and if she agrees, we’ll teach her all about the Royal protocol and rules. If after six weeks, that is one week before the coronation, that woman will be well prepared to be a Queen, that is, will pass the test at the dinner with the whole Court and the press, you’ll be free to marry anyone you want. This will prove that you can indeed make a Queen out of anyone. However, if you fail, you’ll marry Madeleine. That’s the least I can agree on. We need to think about Cordonia first and foremost.”

Liam looked at Regina with an unreadable expression on his face. He knew it wasn’t a perfect deal but she was trying, at least. He closed his eyes and nodded.

“Okay. I—I think I can try.”

“Splendid!” Regina clasped her hands. “Once we get back to Cordonia I will find some ladies from good famil--”

“No.” Liam said firmly and Regina looked at him, surprised.

“But... You just agreed...”

“And I intend to keep the deal. But I’ll choose someone myself. And I’ll start today.”

“An American?! Liam, you can’t be serious!”

“I am. You said anyone so let’s have it. In fact, I’m heading out right now,” Liam closed his laptop and took his jacket. Without saying any more words, he opened the door and Regina quickly followed him.

“Liam, I don’t think anyone here knows what occupational safety and health is. This place is dangerous. Besides, it’s a waste of time, we’ve been looking for a suitor for you for hours and you still haven’t found anyone. Do you think you’ll find someone here?”

“Regina--”

“Hello! My name is Riley and I will your waitress for tonight. Are you ready to order?” A waitress showed up interrupting Liam.

“Yes, young lady. I would love filet mignon and a glass of your best red wine.”

“Umm, I don’t think we have it but we do have burgers and they’re really good too. And we do have wine, but I don’t think it fits your criteria.” Riley smiled apologetically.

“We’ll have burgers,” Liam interjected and smiled back at Riley.

“Sure! Can I get you something to drink?”

“Just water, please. But not tap water, or whatever you Americans drink.” Regina said without even looking at the waitress. Riley nodded and left the table.

“Regina! Can’t you be at least a little nicer?”

“What for? We’re in some obscure bar in New York City, about to eat burgers! And she’s just a waitress, she’s not gonna remember us tomorrow!”

“Well, you’re wrong because I’m choosing her,” Liam stated and Regina’s face fell.

“You’re not serious, Liam. She’s a waitress! And there is no chance she’ll agree to fly to Cordonia!”

“I can always ask her.”

“You don’t even know her! How can you choose her without knowing her at all?”

“I don’t know none of the Noble ladies either. I just... felt something.”

“You felt something!” Regina repeated, “This isn’t happening...”

“I’ll ask her after we eat.”

“No! I will do it. I will ask her, it will be more believeable.”

“If you insist,” Liam shrugged slightly, his eyes locked on the waitress pouring the water into the glasses. “Just don’t tell her about our deal.”

“Of course I won’t.”

---------

Riley was trying as hard as she could to keep her eyes open. She had been working for almost twelve hours straight, fifth day in a row. She couldn’t complain though. She asked for it herself as she really needed the money. The situation had never been more desperate.

“Brooks! Look where you’re going!” Her manager jumped back as she absent-mindedly bumped into him and spilled the water.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She took a towel from under the counter and started wiping the floor.

“Excuse me.” She heard a voice and hit her head when trying to stand up.

“The burgers are almost ready,” she said, rubbing her head and trying to smile at the lady.

“No, I wanted to talk to you about something else. May I steal you for a minute?”

“Ughh, sure,” she threw a towel on the floor and led the lady to a room for staff only.

“I wanted to offer you a job. A well-paid job.”

��Yeah, thanks but I have a job,” Riley answered and opened the door to get out.

“I’m serious. I can offer at least a hundred thousand for six weeks.”

“A hundred... thousand? Dollars?” Riley asked confused. It felt like trap but she’d lie is she said she wasn’t interested.

“I wanted to say euros, but dollars can be as well.”

“If this is a joke then I am not laughing.”

“It’s not. I never joke.”

“Umm and... what I would supposed to do?”

“Here is the thing. I’m the Queen of a small country in Europe, Cordonia. My husband passed away a few weeks ago and now his son, Liam, who is here with me, will be crowned in less than two months. But the protocol clearly says he needs to be at least engaged before that. I found him suitable matches but he insist on courting someone... aside nobility.”

“Okay... And what do I have to do with it?” Riley asked confused.

“He saw something in you and chose you to be his suitor. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. I know you probably know nothing about Cordonia and even less about being a Queen but my stepson is an idealist. I would pay you money for going to Cordonia with us and being his suitor for six weeks. Your job is to be the worst suitor the world has ever seen. I want you to make him hate the idea of marrying someone who’s not from nobility, make his teaching you so hard that he will never think of that again. You see,” Regina smiled at Riley, “Liam needs to marry someone who will make the best Queen. And I have a perfect match but he still lives in a fantasy.”

“Wait, stop.” Riley took a step back before looking at Regina. “You’re telling me that you are a Queen, Liam is about to be a King and you’ll pay me to be his awful girlfriend?”

“I would use different words but yes, that is somehow what I meant.”

“You’re sick. No offence but I’m not buying this.”

“Then google for yourself,” Regina took out her phone. Riley narrowed her eyes before taking her own phone and typing ‘Cordonia’ into Google. It didn’t take long before everything Regina said was confirmed by Wikipedia and other sources.

“I—I don’t know what to say and whatever game you two are playing I... I want to be out of this and please find someone else.” Riley wanted to leave the room but Regina grabbed her hand.

“I understand your confusion. I’d like this conversation to remain between the two of us only. Liam can’t know.” Riley nodded and Regina went on, “Here is my phone number should you change your mind. I assure you I was not joking and the offer was real. I’d have you sign a contract so everything would be legitimate. I can raise the pay to two hundred thousand if a hundred was unsatisfactory.”

“I need to think, I need... air.” Riley said and Regina nodded opening the door for her.

-------

After a few more hours, Riley was finally going back home. It was a long and weird day and Riley couldn’t stop thinking about the proposition she got. She needed money desperatly and pretending to be someone’s girlfriend, especially if that someone looked so good, didn’t seem like an awful job. But still, wasn’t it a little bit too low for her? Pretending to be the worst girlfriend, or suitor, wasn’t it a bit too mean?

“If it wasn’t my life I’d think I was in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” she thought to herself when opening the door to her building.

“You’re finally here! Where’s my money?” Mr Johnson, a man who rented Riley an apartment jumped out of his office before Riley could even take a step.

“I told you I would pay you by the end of this month!”

“I’m done waiting! You keep repeating this but never pay me anything. I think I need to kick you out.”

“No, please, Mr Johnson, I will pay everyhing, I promise. This month has been a bit tough and I--”

“No excuses!” Mr Johnson yelled causing Riley to flinch. “You haven’t paid me in three months. I want your money. Now.”

“I... don’t have much. I only have twenty seven dollars at the moment but I need something to eat too--” She was cut off by the man yanking the money from Riley’s hands.

“That will do until tomorrow. Good night,” he said closing the door behind him. Riley bit her lip trying to suppress her tears.

She just walked into her small apartment when her phone rang.

“Jeremiah? Why are you calling me so late? You should be asleep!”

“I can’t sleep, Miss Riley! I overheard Mrs Dulay talking with someone about closing the Children’s Home and now I’m scared they will take me away from Sophia, Jack, Simon and Patricia!” Jeremiah was sobbing and Riley’s eyes widened.

“Closing the Children’s Home? I’m sure you heard something wrong! It will not be closed, okay? I promise.”

“O-okay. Will you visit us tomorrow Miss Riley?” He asked and Riley smiled involuntarily. She loved visiting the kids and Jeremiah was her favorite, maybe because he was so similar to her when she was his age. Any time she had some spare money she would take him, and his closest friends, for ice cream.

“I wish I could but I’m working. Another time, okay?”

“Okay,” she heard him sigh.

“Go to sleep, honey. It’s super late, you’ll be a zombie tomorrow!”

“Then I’ll eat your boss’s brain and you’ll come here!” Jeremiah said and Riley chuckled.

“Goodnight, Jeremiah!”

“Good night Miss Riley,” the boy said before the line went silent. She quickly messaged Mrs Dulay, who was also Riley’s closest friend.

“Is everything ok at the children’s home?”

Her phone beeped a few seconds later:

“How did you know? Jeremiah...? Ah, this boy! But no, it’s not going too well. There’s plenty of kids and not enough money to feed them all. Today I was told we might need to send the kids to other homes if we don’t ‘fix’ the situation.”

Riley felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. Why does everything has to be so hard?

“Got it. I wish I could help but yeah, I have no money -_-”

“Don’t worry, darling, we’ll figure somethig out.”

Riley fidgeted with her phone while considering her options. Maybe... it was a sign? Without thinking too much about it, she retrived a piece of paper with a phone number on it and typed a message.

“I agree but I need more specific instructions.”

The answer came almost immediately:

“Great! The Royal jet leaves at 6. Don’t be late.”

[satonthelotuspier]

❄️ Untamed Winter Fest 2019 ❄️

Day 3 - Goodwill - 1.6k

I feel like I need to give some warnings and clarity at the beginning of this post.

This fic contains themes of teen homelessness, I’ve tagged it as such.

There is mild threat of violence against a teen  - one punch is thrown, noone is seriously hurt, I’ve tagged again.

This is not a ship post, it features XXC as a shelter manager doing his darnedest to help street kids like XY.

The fic itself is behind the cut in case I mis-tag something. Please message me if you want a tag adding, I realise things that may not occur to me may affect you and I dont want that to happen! I realise this can be a very sensitive topic.

The fic itself is mild angst with a neutral ending.

Song Lan came over to find Xiao Xingchen with the news.

“That troublemaking teen is at it again” he informed, and Xiao Xingchen sighed in exasperation. He was almost at the end of his tether with complaint after complaint, the boy was quickly burning through everyone at the shelter’s feelings of goodwill.

He had been here for less than a week and already many of the volunteers refused to deal with him.

“I’ll deal with it” Xiao Xingchen patted Song Lan on the shoulder and went to find the source of the trouble.

In one of the common rooms it was beginning to look quite grim, several much larger men had the teen backed into a corner, and he was doing his usual hissing and spitting, never scared. Never ever scared, even if a beating of epic proportions was coming his way.

Xiao Xingchen hurried into the room and coughed to announce his presence.

Everyone here knew fighting was likely to get them kicked out of the shelter and suddenly the room became much emptier.

“You, Xue Yang? I need to you fill some forms in” Xiao Xingchen lied neatly, “Please come to my office”

Xue Yang looked at him without a single change in expression, he either hadn’t understood Xiao Xingchen had just saved him from an attack, or he genuinely didn’t care.

Xiao Xingchen thought it was probably the latter. He hadn’t seen the boy react to anything except with anger since he’d arrived.

Xiao Xingchen waved towards the door and Xue Yang followed the cue and preceded him, heading towards Xiao Xingchen’s office. As Xiao Xingchen was about to leave the common room after him a small hand pulled him back briefly, it was a teenaged girl he knew as A-Qing.

“I-I don’t like him da-ge, he scares me. But he didn’t start that fight” she whispered quietly.

“Understood, thank you A-Qing” he patted her hand and followed after the young man.

Once seated across from Xue Yang at his desk he tried to get the youngster’s side of the story.

“So what happened?”

Xue Yang’s gaze drifted up from the floor, “I thought you wanted me to fill in some forms?” he stood up, “I’m not here to talk about my feelings”

“Please sit down, Xue Yang” he didn’t shout or command, but his tone was compelling, and Xue Yang rolled his eyes but sat back down.

“if I hadn’t come in then you’d have probably been beaten by now” did Xue Yang really not understand, or did he genuinely not care about his personal safety?

“I would have been beaten” his tone said he wasn’t even a little concerned by the fact. He pulled the hand that was missing it’s little finger into the sleeve of his hoodie and lounged back in the chair in a the universal pose of a teenager in trouble with an elder, but who wanted to look like he was too cool to care. “I must have one of those faces is all. Da-ge, I don’t go looking for trouble, I know what an awkward place that would put you in, but if I show even a flicker of fear out there-” he gestured at the window behind Xiao Xingchen, “-then I might as well be dead, because it would just be a matter of time”

His tone was matter of fact. He wasn’t saying it for sympathy, it was the truth of his life. Xiao Xingchen understood that it was a dangerous world out there on the streets, especially for youngsters like Xue Yang and A-Qing who had nowhere to go, no family to look after them, no options. That was why Xiao Xingchen was determined to do all he could for every one of them he met.

He followed Xue Yang’s gaze then, realised it had been the fourth or fifth time the other had looked at the jar of sweets on his desk.

“Do you want a candy?” he asked, genuinely expecting the denial, the “I’m not a child”, or the “I’m too cool to eat sweets” attitude, but to his surprise Xue Yang nodded, almost eagerly, and reached into the jar to take one.

It was literally the first time in the nearly a week he’d been here that Xiao Xingchen had seen an emotion other than anger on his face. He looked genuinely ecstatic about the candy, and a devious little plan formed in Xiao Xingchen’s mind.

“Listen, xiao-Xue, how about for every day you manage to avoid trouble here, I let you have a piece of candy. How about one more tonight as a deal sealer?”

Naturally mistrustful Xue Yang looked at him closely for a few moments, but then nodded. “Alright, I’ll try to avoid trouble, even trouble that comes to find me. For candy”

#

And thus his crazy, childish, crackpot plan of keeping a fully grown teen boy out of bother with sweets was born. And worked. Day after day for weeks it worked, nothing happened, and Xue Yang popped his head into Xiao Xingchen’s office every evening to collect his candy.

From the little Xiao Xingchen had managed to pry from him Xue Yang had been alone for a long time already, he was obviously a survivor. If he could be given some tools to work with that same determination could be channelled into getting him on his feet and on the road to a stable residence and stable job.

Xiao Xingchen was trying to find an agency who could help Xue Yang with some psychological support, as well as some life skills, and possibly vocational training. But he also understood homelessness was a problem bigger than just his little shelter, than just his charges, with too many people drawing on too few resources nationally. But he would do all he could.

#

His candy related blackmail plan worked. At least for a while. And then it all collapsed. Another one of those fights that Xue Yang hadn’t started, but for whatever reason hadn’t been able to avoid this time. Xue Yang hadn’t been hurt seriously but one of the social workers had been caught in the melee when she’d tried to break up the fight by a punch meant for Xue Yang that he’d dodged.

In Xiao Xingchen’s office later Song Lan was frustrated, “You know the only way this ends now is with him leaving” he pointed in frustration at Xue Yang, who sat quietly in the chair.

Xiao Xingchen understood Song Lan was worried for him as his friend, but he really wished he’d stop being so focussed on what he perceived to be a threat to Xiao Xingchen.

“Not while I have breath to argue against it” Xiao Xingchen denied, and reached across to place a soothing hand on Xue Yang’s shoulder, “You must have been born under an ill star, why do you attract trouble so well?”

“Its my winning personality” again Xue Yang deflected with sarcasm, refusing to meet Xiao Xingchen’s eyes.

“I don’t blame you, xiao-Xue”

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t blame him. They’ll say has to go, whether we like it or not. You can’t flout the statute Xiao Xingchen. You’re walking on shaky ground as it is with how much we’ve bent the rules for him. We’ve used up every feeling of goodwill available to us for the boy”

Xue Yang did look up then, a sharp, considering look on his face.

“Xiao-Xue, you will not do anything silly. I’ll deal with this, believe me”

“But-”

“No buts. Do as you’re told for once”

Xue Yang smiled a blinding smile then, “Alright then. How about giving me the rest of this week’s candy as a reward for doing as I’m told?”

Xiao Xingchen shook his head in amused exasperation at the young man. “OK, fine” he grabbed the jar off his desk and held it out to Xue Yang, who diligently picked out several pieces of candy, pocketing them.

“Goodnight, da-ge” he got to his feet and walked to the door, throwing one last smile at Xiao Xingchen.

“Goodnight xiao-Xue” he let the teen go, returning to the file and ignoring Song Lan’s frustrated gaze. He’d have to do some serious arguing tomorrow to ensure Xue Yang wasn’t ejected. It was reaching midwinter, and the boy wasn’t much older than a child, pretending he was much more mature than he actually was. They should be protecting youngsters like him and Xiao Xingchen would try and make sure that was exactly what they did.

#

But in the end it was academic. Xiao Xingchen should have realised what that young idiot had planned, it had been obvious enough in Xue Yang asking for his week’s sweet allocation in advance when he looked at it with hindsight.

Song Lan handed him the note Xue Yang had left, scribbled on the blank parts of one of the forms he must have taken from Xiao Xingchen's desk yesterday.

I’m leaving, I’ll be fine, I’m indestructible. Save your goodwill for someone who can use it

Song Lan made a noise of annoyance as he read the letter over Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder, “He’s such an arrogant little monster” he said at the last line.

“Song Zichen, oh Song Zichen, you misunderstand him. He just doesn’t think he’s worth the waste of goodwill, he means save it for someone who it will be of use to” he contemplated the letter again, and slammed his hand down on the desk in frustration.

In the end though there was nothing he could do, fate was a set path and it seemed Xue Yang wouldn’t be saved by Xiao Xingchen in this lifetime.