#when it rains it pours or whatever the fuck but like oh my god. ive never felt more consistently miserable and irritated and hopeless

[thekidsarentalright]

i think going through what i am mentally rn would be like. manageable if other things in my life were going okay but no literally everything is shit so i am like more miserable than i have been my entire life 👍🏻

[dearlazerbunny]

Let it Go (Ch. 1 of ?)

Pairings: platonic avengers team x reader, potential background loki x reader

Words: 1800

Genre/Ratings: -WARNINGS- there will be an (unsuccessful) suicide attempt by reader- chapter will be explicitly marked in advance. Drug (pills) and alcohol abuse, lots of negativity and self loathing. There will be an arc, but said arc is going to start in the eleventh circle of hell and inch up from there.

Summary: *not far enough into this one to give an accurate summary, so this’ll have to be updated eventually. enjoy for now!*

If I see another ad for Frozen, I might go homicidal.

I pass at least five of them as I work through rush-hour Manhattan at a snail’s pace. Smash Hit! Instant Classic! #1 Movie in the World! Awesome. Fantastic. Happy for you, Disney. Now please, dear god, get it the fuck out of my face.

I jerk away from narrowly shoulder-checking a businessman hustling down the sidewalk, speaking rapid-fire into the phone glued to his ear. It’s like a very, very fucked up dream; everyone in the world is in on the joke, and I just didn’t get the invite. Maybe they were spying on me. Sure, it could’ve been inspired by a fairytale, but who knows? I could sue. Demand fifty percent of the profits for copyright infringement. That’d be more than enough to set me up with a cabin in Alaska, somewhere all I’d have to worry about is making friends with the polar bears.

On the subway, I notice someone has Let it Go blaring from their earbuds. No less than three little girls are wearing something blue and covered in glitter. One has a cheap blonde plait clipped into her hair, accented by a snowflake charm dangling from the end. I suppress the urge to rip it off her head.

It isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, I want to say. It’s not Disney-dreamy like the mouse has made it out to be, living in a palace and making magical snowmen and singing power ballads about self-acceptance and overcoming your demons. In the real world, you quell those demons with a fistful of benzodiazepines, because if you don’t, something like a car alarm or a slammed door will make spikes of ice splinter through the floor around you. It’s constantly wearing three hoodies at a time, so that way if a stranger on the seat next to you brushes your arm, they don’t immediately get third-degree frostbite. It’s getting a papercut and watching the blood freeze on the tip of your finger, then melt back to liquid when you break it off and toss it away. It’s getting hospitalized when an inner-city charity doctor takes your temperature before you can object and your body temperature is barely higher than freezing, so they pump you full of warm saline and cover you in foil blankets and all that heat makes you sick, so you have to rip the IV out of your arm and walk yourself back to your apartment in your hospital gown while dodging orderlies and strange looks from passerby at 2 AM.

The kid and her parents get off at the next stop. The subway clicks along. I try to make myself smaller as the car fills up with more people.  

Maybe if they’d had Xanax in Arendelle, Elsa wouldn’t have had to deal with all that “conceal, don’t feel” bullshit. She wouldn’t be able to feel anything with all the pills and booze she’d be mainlining. Take it from me, babe, it’s a lot easier to drug those demons away. Much more effective than a song.

Something in me feels a weird flare of pride for handling this… whatever the hell it is better than a fictional cartoon princess. Then I want to laugh, because goddamn, my life is pathetic.

My meeting spot is in a back alley near Bryant Park. Some NYU kid is pawning his Klonopin for party cash, I guess. I think if you’re rich enough to be a frat boy at NYU you probably don’t need the extra fifty from your prescriptions, but whatever. I don’t have a ton of other avenues at this point.

I scan the neon bottle, then shake it open and count the pills inside. “These are only a half milligram? Fifteen.”

“Dude, we said forty.”

“Yeah, for a milligram pill. These will barely last me a week.”

“Twenty.”

“Fine.”

I don’t think the universe agrees with my choices.

The sky splits open with a shriek that balances the world on the edge of a knife. One heartbeat. Two. He and I both look up at the clear blue, unsure. Between the skyline, I see something- somethings- begin pouring from a split in the universe, ugly and black and hungry.

I wrench the bottle from the kid’s hands and run.

Run, run, run, don’t look up, don’t look back, oh jesus what the FUCK IS THIS- Midtown is a nightmare. Not from Friday traffic this time. People are scrambling, screaming and crying, trying to flee the scene. An entire side of a building gets shaved off and falls to the ground like an iceberg. A gas line broke somewhere because everything is hazy with fumes and starts shimmering rainbow colors. I round a corner, cursing and trying to keep my ratty converse on my feet as I dodge rubble and ash- don’t look up don’t look up don’t look up. I can see my breath starting to crystallize around me as my anxiety spikes, and I try to force it down. Don’t think about it. Now is so not the time for that.

In the middle of the street, six brightly clad superheroes stand with grim but determined looks on their faces. There’s Tony Stark in his mechanical suit, Captain America brandishing his shield. The star stands out like a beacon in the smoke. Cool, coolcoolcool, they’ve got this, right? They’ve totally got this. Everything is going to be fine. Everything is going to befineohholyshitthat’sabigalien-

I try to use an overturned car as cover. Dart to one, breathe, press my back to steel and try to shake my body back from shock, wait for a moment of silence between the chaos- run to the next pile of rubble. My footprints are outlined in frost on the cracked pavement, clean white against the ash raining from the sky. As I slam myself up against another car, heaving, I have a prime few of Captain-freaking-America bashing three ugly aliens in the face with his shield, battering them to the ground. He stops for a moment to flex his fingers, wipe some of the grime from his face.

He doesn’t see the alien rushing him from behind, mouth open and yawning in some sort of hideous grin, poised to shove a glowing blue gun against the Captain’s muscly back.

I don’t think. My feet move without my telling them to. I can taste the ash as I dart to the middle of the street, as close as I dare. The air around me is impossibly frigid. I’m not controlling anything at this point, but I can deal with that later. Hopefully.

“DUCK!” I scream as loud as I possibly can over the sound of metal and roaring monsters.

His eyes snap up to meet mine. He heard me, somehow, and then he actually heeds a random girl standing amidst the carnage and hits the deck so fast I can hear the whiplash. It’s hot enough to make my skin boil, but if I stretch my hand out and pull, I can feel something begin to crystallize in my waiting palm-

Fissures crack open in the concrete beneath me. In my hand, a thin lance of ice extends to a deadly point, too weighty for its slim frame, and while I should have all the grace and skill of an alcoholic drug addict, my aim is good enough that the alien now has an unforgiving pole of ice sticking through its breastbone. Frost creeps from the hole in its chest, discoloring its sickly black armor to a grey tint. For a moment, it's suspended in time, unmoving- then gravity takes hold and with one last nightmarish shriek it crumples to the ground in a heap.

Huh. Whaddya know. I flex my fingers, breathing hard. Take that, Elsa. Screw the power of love, I just single-handedly saved a national icon.

Said icon is picking himself up off the ground, a new layer of dust coating the front of his uniform. He looks behind him, at the ugly corpse and the ice that inexplicably hasn’t started to melt in the city’s heat. Then his eyes are on me, hard and curious.

Oh. Fuck.

Instinctively, I pull my hood up further over my head, hopefully obscuring more of my face than before. What did he see? Could he memorize my face? He knows I’m a freak show, that’s for sure. Fuck. My brain kicks in and I run, skidding over broken pavement and letting the sheer terror of a crumbling New York fuel my steps. Either we’ll all be dead by the end of this, or the strange girl with ice coming from her hands will be little more than a hazy memory after all this is said and done. I hope. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it- cold prickles on the back of my neck and pushes me back towards being just another face in the crowd.

  There are over a dozen police blockades to try and control the battlefield, and between them and the rubble raining from the heavens, it takes me what feels like hours to crawl back to my underside of the city. It’s punctuated by the grinding of metal and shattering of glass and sickening cracks of lightning from Midtown, making me flinch and wring my hands deep into my sweatshirts to keep them busy with something other than frosting the ground over. Don’t think about it.

I shove my shoulder into the door, forcing it open, then close it the same way from the opposite side. I flick the locks closed, secure the ball and chains. Each one is encased in frost by the time I’m done, and the doorjamb is clogged with ice. I’m suddenly irrationally thankful that there’s only one window in the apartment. It’s a stupid comfort- those things were leveling skyscrapers, a ratty building like this would be flattened in an instant-

I wrench open the nearest drawer, sending the contents rolling. Bottles clack against each other; pills rattling against the plastic. It’s the most comforting thing I’ve heard all day. I pull one out at random, pop the lid, down it dry. In the back of my mind, the large green monster roars. I shudder and swallow another, this time chasing it with swigs from the obscenely large bottle of booze on the desk. It burns all the way down in the best way, chasing the little orange tablets and promising the sweet release of nothing.  

That should last a day. Maybe more. I fall into the bed, already feeling the combo tug at my system, making me heavy and slow. Maybe Manhattan will still be standing when I wake up. Or better yet, Manhattan will still be standing, but I won’t. I’ve never been that lucky, but it never hurts to hope.

[yikesharringrove]

oh god okay feel free to ignore this if you want, idk? but um ive been really struggling with eating lately (like i just kinda panicked about the thought of eating?) and you're really good at writing all this kind of stuff so maybe billy struggling with eating after starcourt (for medical and mental reasons) and steve helping but still bring gentle and encouraging (totally okay if this is a sensitive for you or if you don't want to write it 💕)

This is pretty heavy.

Under the cut for medical stuff, disordered eating, talks of throw up (nothing graphic), me projecting.

The first bit under the cut is my medical story, so skip that if you would like.

Read on Ao3

-

So, oof. A little background. I spent three years misdiagnosed when I was young. I was so sick and in so much pain (one of my organs had literally died) that I couldn’t eat. If I did, I was in such severe pain I would throw up. I was 5 feet tall and weighed 62 pounds. If I had lost 2 pounds, I would’ve had an intestinal feeding tube. The doctors thought I just had an eating disorder from doing ballet. They would look at my chart, see another chronic illness I have, and blame my pain on that. They found what was wrong BY ACCIDENT and fixed it within a few hours in one (1) surgery.

So this is based largely on that.

-

He pushed the mashed potatoes around the plate.

“I thought hospital food was supposed to be like, bad. This is pretty alright.” Steve had wolfed down the plate he had gotten himself, not paying much attention to how the plate he had brought Billy was still full.

“Yeah. It’s okay.” He had taken one bite.

He felt fucking sick.

The thought of food, of something in his sore stomach, made him want to hurl.

“You’re not eating?” Steve’s eyebrows were scrunched up, concerned.

“Don’t feel too good.”

“Would something sound better? I could get you whatever you wanted.”

“Um, just like a ginger ale or something. Then I’ll try eating again.” That was his go-to. Ginger ale or Sprite, the carbonation helped his stomach enough that he could force some food down for a while.

Steve got him a few cans from the vending machine.

He ended up taking three bites of potato.

-

Steve made dinner when he finally got to come home.

They had decided he would move in with Steve, “live” in the bedroom across the hall, but they both knew he would be spending the most time in Steve’s room.

He had just made buttered noddles, nothing that would be hard on Billy’s weak stomach, but he had made the noodles from scratch.

And Billy was just staring at them.

“You feeling okay?”

“Just, uh, you know. Stomach’s kinda off.” Steve got him a can of ginger ale from the fridge, slid it to him with a bright smile.

The gesture was sweet, but Billy just didn’t want to risk it.

Every night he spent heaving into the toilet, it made his muscles seize and hurt. It made his throat burn for hours, made him feel like he was wasting away to nothing.

-

He always used the same hole on his belts.

He knew it was the right one from the way the leather was stretched a bit, the buckle leaving indents on it.

But that was too big now.

Did nothing to hold up his pants.

His pants that used to fit.

He tightened his belt.

Two notches. He was two notches thinner.

-

Billy could hear the blender when he woke up.

He was curious as to what Steve was doing, what the fuck he was blending up.

He came downstairs, found Steve with grocery bags all around the kitchen.

“Hey! I’ve been doing some research.” He poured the thick smoothie into a blender. “I think this might be easier for you to eat and keep down. There’s protein powder and some ginger, that should help keep your stomach calm, and spinach and some fruit and stuff.” Steve was fidgeting with his hands.

“Thank you.” Billy sat down with it.

Steve let him take his time, let him drink it in tiny sips.

He was about halfway through when he threw it all up.

-

Billy hadn’t eaten in two days.

But he also hadn’t thrown up in just as long.

Steve poked a plate of plain toast towards him.

Billy stared at it.

Steve sighed.

“Will you just, take one bite? For me?”

He took the smallest bite he possibly could.

Steve let him wait ten minutes before he pushed the toast back towards him.

They continued that until Billy finished the toast, waiting a while between each bite in order to make sure it wasn’t on it’s way back up.

He kept it down almost the whole night, until the pain in his stomach flared again and he was heaving into the large mixing bowl Steve kept next to the bed.

-

Billy was laying on the bed, curled into himself, clutching his stomach.

Steve had been behind him almost all day, rubbing his back, talking in a low soothing voice.

He left when there was a pounding on the door. He left the door open, Billy could hear Max’s voice.

“Jesus, Max. You’re a mess.”

“It’s, it’s raining. And I fell.”

“Why were you skateboarding in the rain?”

“I um, I remembered, whenever Billy felt sick, he liked eating lime popcicles, and I went to Melvald’s, and I got some.”

She sounded hysterical.

“Alright, thank you, Max. Thank you. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He heard them coming up the stairs, going into the bathroom on the landing he kept the first aid kit in.

They were in there for a while before Steve came in, talking in that soft voice he always uses.

“Billy, Max is here.”

It felt like a feat for him to roll over.

Her knees were bandaged up, and her face was splotchy.

“Hey, Shitbird.”

“You look like shit.” He huffed a laugh.”

“Feel like it, too.” Her lip trembled. He didn’t want that. “Hey, thanks for the popcicles. Can I get one? Lime, right?”

“Yeah. Lime.” Steve helped him sit up, gave him one of the popcicles.

It tasted good, and the cold was nice on his throat.

And he even kept the whole thing down.

-

Steve was standing next to Billy as they waited for the doctor.

He had lost nearly thirty pounds since he’d been home. His muscle was nearly entirely gone.

“Steve, just, play it cool.”

“I will not.” He had his pissed off mom face on, and Billy knew he had no qualms about yelling at a doctor.

“Steve, this is just, my life now.”

“No. I refuse to accept that.”

“You yell at Owens every time we’ve come in for the past four months, Steve.”

“And I’m gonna keep yelling until shit gets fixed.”

There was a rap on the door before Dr. Owens let himself in.

“You need to help him.” Billy huffed as Steve started in immediately.

“Um, good morning to you both.” Dr. Owens looked between the two of them.

“Billy can’t eat without throwing up. Look at him. He’s fucking wasting away.”

“Steve-”

“No. I can’t take it anymore. There is something fucking wrong. It is your job to fix it.”

Owens’ eyes were wide, Steve was on a roll.

“Every day, every day he can’t eat anything. He won’t because he’s in pain, and he’d rather not eat than throw everything up. And you need to help him.”

Owens was quiet.

“Let’s run some tests.”

-

Billy was in imaging within a few minutes. He had an x-ray done of his abdomen, and Owens ordered several blood tests.

They were in another room, Billy was having an ultrasound done of his entire stomach.

The tech was looking at his intestines, finding everything normal.

“Look, you’re already doing all this, can’t you just kinda, poke around?”

“I’m not sure-”

“Just kinda,” Steve made a vague wiggling gesture around Billy’s stomach.

She gave him a look.

But she sighed, moving the wand up his body.

“Huh?”

“Wait, what’s huh?”

“Um, excuse me.” She left in a hurry.

“Wait, you think they found something?” Billy’s eyes were side.

“If they did, and I was right, you’re never gonna hear the end of it.” Billy rolled his eyes.

The tech returned with an older woman, pointing at the screen and discussing in low voices.

And then the doctor was leaving again, and the tech was wiping his stomach.

“So, we’re going to prep an operation room. We’re going to have you in there as soon as we can.”

“Wait, what?”

“His gallbladder is infected.” Steve was fucking grinning when he turned back to Billy.

“So, I was right?”

“Steve, read the room. Surgery.”

“Oh, fuck.”

-

Steve was biting his nails.

The chairs in the waiting room were stiff and uncomfortable.

They were given the run down. Billy’s gallbladder had become infected. Probably due to the traumatic situation of his injuries and the many surgeries it took to put him back together.

It was almost completely dead inside his body, causing severe pain and all the vomiting. The doctor had explained that his rapid weight loss had probably only hurt it more.

They said it would take about two hours to remove.

Steve had been staring at the large clock as the two hours clicked by.

It was creeping up on two and a half, and he was getting fucking antsy.

He scrambled to his feet when a nurse called him back.

“You family?”

“Yeah, I’m his brother.” It was easier to lie. He needed to see him.

“He should be waking up very soon. It’s easier if there’s family. His surgery went well, the surgeons were able to remove his gallbladder with no other complications. He may be in pain and delirious when he wakes up, put that will pass, and we can give him more medicine if he needs.” They had stopped in front of a nondescript door.

Steve let himself in, taking the seat closest to Billy’s bed, taking his hand. His eyes were already blinking slowly. He smiled softly when he saw Steve.

“Pretty,” his voice was soft.

“Hey, Baby. I’m right here for you.”

“Thanks for, thanks for fightin’.” Steve smiled back at him, running a hand through his hair.

“Of course, Bill. I’ll always fight for you.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.” Billy smiled again. “You feelin’ okay? Need more meds?”

“Nah. Feelin’ good. Feelin’ high.”

“Yeah, they gave you the good drugs.”

“Good drugs.” He laid back in the pillow, his eyelids looking heavy.

“Go to sleep if you’re tired, Bill.”

“Don’t wanna. Wanna see you.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Steve kissed his hand.

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[jaehyukiewrites]

after rain

1.6k words | slice of life, angst, fluff if u squint

↳ badgirl!reader + planter!jisung

↳ ↳ 📁summary: y/n has always gotten herself into trouble and jisung, being completely in love with her, always drags her out of it.

↳ ↳ ↳ 📁warnings: mentions of sex (not w/ jisung), drugs, violence

“If it’s her, then promise me young man you’re going to let her know.” - dermot

Jisung always wondered what you were up to. Where were you? Were you okay? Did you eat today? He was so infatuated with you. Your laugh, smile, the way you would scrunch your nose when you had an itch, and the way your voice would crack when you were loud. He knew your cold persona was just a front to hide the soft interior you held inside. But of course, Jisung would never tell you these things in person, he was far too scared of you laughing in his face. Even though you two have been friends for many years he just couldn’t get past the thought of something going wrong.

And while Jisung would stay home at night, tending to his plants, you were out partying. Sleeping with whoever you pleased, never actually giving it a second thought, taking any drug you could get your hands on without paying for them. You were a party animal; every night was like this and every morning it would be a different room with a different guy. Jisung knew all these things about you, but he never let any of it change his feelings for you, even if it hurt him knowing you were in someone else’s embrace.

This night was different. You did the usual, had a few drinks, flirted, did some dancing and when it came time that you needed your fix you hunted high and low for Taeyong. You pushed through all the sweaty bodies on the dance floor, the music so loud you could feel the bass through the floor. You spotted Tae at a table in the back corner. He took a sip from his cup as he watched you make your way towards him. The way your black dress hugged all your curves he couldn’t help but stare. You truly were so beautiful. You smiled at him once you reached his table, taking a seat beside him.

“Funny seeing you here.”

“Good one y/n. What do you need this time?”

“Something fun. I’m so bored.” You whined. He chuckled and reached into his coat pulling out a small bag of weed. You looked at the bag and frowned.

“It’s all I got baby girl.”

You rolled your eyes at the name. As you went to grab the bag, he pulled it away. Your eyes widened.

“You can’t keep getting this shit for free. It cost.”

“What if I make it up to you hm?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Whatever you need me to do.” You hand trailed up his thigh, making your way to his crotch. He took a mental note of every movement you made, a smirk plastered across his face.

“You want to be a good girl, or a bad girl for me tonight?”

“Good girl.”

“Then you’re going to follow me into the restroom and your going to let me fuck that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Dirty talk was your favorite, and he knew that. It wouldn’t have been the first time you two hooked up.

“What if I don’t want to suck your cock hm?” You teased, pushing his limits. He hated when you were bratty, and you just loved to see the way his eyes would darken with anger.

“Good girls suck cock and you want to be a good girl, right?”

You nodded sheepishly, “Yes sir.”

You walked out of the club, your lipstick smeared, mascara running down your face, heels in hand. You took a puff off from the blunt as you took your normal route home. The street lights flickered, and every once and a while a car would drive by. You took a short cut through an ally way. You saw two girls standing against the brick wall but you just ignored them, taking another drag.

“Hey you gonna share?” One of the girls called out to you. You pretended you didn’t hear anything and kept walking.

“Hey bitch! We’re talking to you.” The shorter one called out, making you turn around.

“Excuse you? Do I even know you?”

“You’re about to.”

They walked towards you, but you didn’t flinch.

“What’s got you all fucked up huh.” The taller one snarked, pointing at your smudged makeup.

“What is it to you?”

“Girl if you don’t quit with the attitude.”

“Um, you’re the one who started yelling.”

The girl laughed but you kept eye contact with her. You didn’t know what the issue was or why the fuck out of all nights they choose to fuck with you tonight but all you wanted to do was go home and take a nice, hot shower. You didn’t have time for this shit.

You turned on your heel walking away.

“Where you goin? We was having fun!” The tall one shouted at you.

“We can have fun once you learn how to speak right.” You waved goodbye as you continued to walk.

You made it to the top of the alley before you felt a sharp pain hit you on the side of the head.

“What the fuck!” You screamed, turning around.

“Dumb ass bitch.” She went for another punch, the blood rushing to your head. The mix of the drugs and being hit made your vision blurry and you helpless. You covered your head trying to block the girl. Her other friend kicked your leg, making you fall.

“Fuck.” You groaned.

They kicked and kicked and kicked until you couldn’t feel it anymore.  

Thunder rumbled loudly, as rain started to pour out of the sky. The girls made a run for it, leaving you lying on the ground; helpless.

It hurt. Everything hurt. You reached for the phone that was in your pocket.

You sniffle, tears streaming down your face while dialing Jisungs number.

“Hello?” he picks up immediately, like he always does. He always has time for you, sometimes you take advantage of that by accident. He really was such a good guy.

“Jisung?” a sob gets stuck in your throat when you say his name, you wince in pain.

“Y/n? what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” his voice is filled with concern and strangely enough it gives you some comfort.

“C-can you please come get me? P-please.”

“Y/n what hap-“ You harshly cut him off.

“Please.” You squeeze your eyes shut. “The alley way we always take when you walk me home.”

“O-okay I’ll be there in a few. Please be safe y/n.”

You waited for what felt like hours until a pair of headlights shined down the alleyway. You squeezed your eyes shut, sensitive to the light. You heard the car door slam shut and a pair of feet hitting the cement.

“Oh my god Y/n are you okay?” He asks worriedly, helping you up. You wince in pain and shake your head no.

“C-can we go back to your place. I don’t want to be alone J.”

“Of course.”

You laid on Jisung’s bed, dressed in one of his hoodies and basketball shorts. He sat at the edge of the bed with a bunch of different herbs that he had grown on a little tray. As stupid as you thought it was, he was very persistent on how herbal medication is good for you. He pulled apart an aloe leaf and you watched the gel-like inside string apart.

He gently grabbed your leg, a shot of electricity shot through your body, and he placed it on his lap.

“It’s going to feel really cold and wet alright?”

You nodded and watched him rub the gel onto your scrapped-up knee. You winced a little and he looked up at you.

“It doesn’t hurt right?”

“N-no. It’s just my side.”

“Im sorry, I don’t think herbs work with bruises.” He smiled at you, making you laugh.

He continued to rub the aloe onto all the open wounds. Usually, you would think nothing of Jisung touching you, but maybe it was the drugs, but every time he touched your skin it felt like your insides were on fire.

You watched him swallow hard.

“What? What is it?” You asked.

“I just, hate seeing you hurt.”

You felt your chest get heavy. You didn’t know what to say to that.

“I respect the fact that you like to have fun, Y/n, I really do.” He placed the aloe back onto the tray and turned to face you.

“I just…” He took a deep breath, trying to form the words

“Jisung what is it?” You knew in your gut where this was going. It wasn’t like Jisungs feelings for you were particularly hidden in your eyes.

“We have been friends for years and I know you like I know myself. You have been there for me whenever I was upset, or angry. You’ve been there for some of my favorite memories.”

“Jisung…” You trailed off

“No please Y/n, let me get this off my chest. I’ve been thinking for a long time now, and you don’t know how many nights ive stayed up thinking about this, I need to tell you this and I can’t keep it hidden any longer. Y/n I’m in love with you.”

Your breath hitched. Love, something you strayed away from for so long. Countless nights in different strangers’ beds…you have never truly felt love. And here was Jisung, being so vulnerable, ready to love you unconditionally.

“Jisung…I-I don’t know what love feels like. How am I supposed to tell you the same?”

“Then let me show you.” There it was…always so kind.

“We can take things slow and you don’t have to say it back but y/n…I really want to be with you.”

You smiled at him, your cheeks flushed red.

“Jisung why do you care for me? I’m such a dead-beat.”

“Because, I know you’re not just what you seem from the surface.” He reached to grab your hand. He rubbed his thumb against it.

“I believe that you are more than you think.”

[feel199x]

street racer!lee minho, gods of olympus! au

⚡ chapters: I II III IV V VI  masterlist

⚡  a/n: there’s like. So Much Sexual Tension that i didn’t intend and its not gonna go anywhere,,, im sorry but Minho’s hoe spirit possessed me while i wrote this chapter

⚡ warnings: sexual tension?? does that count??

⚡ song rec: angel of small death & the codeine scene

Minho hadn’t called you on the bus ride home, nor did he show up at your apartment the night. He didn’t call you the following nights either. He was, however making your life a fuck ton harder. For three full days, it had been pouring. The first day you had made the mistake of riding in the rain, figuring it would’ve cleared up by the afternoon. But it hadn’t. You had to get to an afternoon class, but you had no spare money to afford riding the bus every day to work. Being a broke college student was difficult, but not everyone could make their weight in money with illicit activities. You didn’t really mind the rain as long as you were inside. The pattering of raindrops against your window was comforting, and it helped calm your nerves as you studied, even if the person causing it was an asshole. You hadn’t blocked Minho’s number, not yet anyway, but figured that he had probably ghosted you anyway- so it didn’t matter.

Besides, you never paid much attention to boys, anyway. Your studies were more important to you, and you literally could not afford to lose the scholarships you busted your ass in high school to get. You knew college would be hard, but you had no idea it would be this difficult. None of these questions made sense- but you needed to study. You never struggled this much with Criminology concepts, but you found yourself rereading the same parts over and over, it wasn’t clicking. It was two am now, and you had a class at eight, ten, noon, and then a shift at the bakery- where you were filling in for a co-worker who had gotten sick. You weren’t even planning on falling asleep, but you woke up from your alarm, wiping drool from your lip as you got up.

This was just your life, it could be worse. You could be in a lot more debt, and your mental health could plummet- but it hadn’t, not yet. You knew if you kept pushing yourself like this than he would eventually crash and burn, but whatever. At least you would go out in a burning glory. You shook your head at the thought, mentally scolding yourself. Recovery didn’t work if you weren’t constantly checking yourself- as annoying as it was, it worked. You promised yourself and made a reminder on your phone to take a day off this week. You needed to relax, or next thing you know you would find yourself attached to your bed, glued to it with tears and a sweaty sadness.

You walked into the lecture hall, being the first one as you always were because you made it a point to actually ask for help. But the professor and his regular t.a wasn’t there.

“Are you lost?” He smiled and laughed as if you had said something funny. You grew anxious and insecure, it wouldn’t be the first time people had teased you like that. “No, not at all,” he said, “I’m the new teacher’s assistant.” You eyed him suspiciously, “What happened to the last one?” He pulled up his sleeves, and you felt embarrassed as he revealed his veiny arms. He twirled his pen and smiled again at you.

“He’s under a new teacher, now.”

“Who?”

“Mr. Park.”

“That’s a convenient answer.”

“It’s the convenient truth.”

“What’s your name?”

“Chan, darl-”

“Oh, fuck off.”

He crossed his arms, slightly surprised at your boldness. “Pardon?” You groaned, gripping your school supplies. “You’re one of those high and mighty gods, right? You and Minho can fuck right off.” He eased into the desk chair, chuckling to himself. “He’s already messed up, huh? I promised I wouldn’t interfere, but-”

“You also could’ve lied about your name.”

“Slip of the tongue. I doubt you wouldn’t figure it out, anyway.”

“What do you want?”

“To help.”

“With what? I’m done with Minho.”

“But you like him.”

“So? Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole. I’m not here to teach him how to love, what kind of outdated shit is that? I don’t care that you’re a god, and I don’t care that he’s a god. Means fuck all to me.”

“Ah, you’re smart. Athena took well in creating you. But, it is fated. You’ll teach him one way or another.”

“Chan?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t give a shit.”

You probably could’ve reviewed the material with Chan, and maybe he was a nice guy- but you didn’t want to deal with anyone that was even slightly supernatural. You weren’t even going to look at your horoscope. You just wanted to graduated and take the bar exam, hell, maybe even try for a spot at a place with higher level cases. But one thing you were not about to do was about to do is let yourself slip into a game of cat and mouse, you were here to study. If you needed to take a break, you would- but “taking a break” didn’t mean worrying about a boy. If you wanted to worry, you would take the practice bar exam again.

You found the professor calling on you an absurd amount of times, and you shot Chan a death glare. He winked at you, a stupid smirk on his face and shrugged. You heard peers murmur, but Chan just looked amused, even winking at some of them. Were all gods like this? If Chan, the leader of the gods was this chaotic, how would you deal? Being the one you thought you’d like the most, you were severely disappointed. You flew out of your seat as the class ended, but found yourself caught in a sea of eager college students- you were so close to making your way out of the lecture hall doors when your professor called you.

“____, I’m sorry about being late this morning, but I had an incident with my car. I still have to solve the issue, but Chan can stay after. He said you were struggling with theory? I’ve provided a practice exam for you to Chan. Please don’t leave until you’ve got a passing grade.” He left unceremoniously, bidding a polite goodbye as he walked the both of you to a college library.

“I’m not struggling with theory.”

“You’ll start to. You have a bad habit of not knowing your limits.”

“Thanks, Sherlock.”

You sat a table in the back, a room reserved for group studies. “I have another class soon.”

“It’s taken care of, love. I’m going to get some coffee, please don’t go.”

You sighed, you had to finish the practice test after Chan explained the material, and it was unrealistic to think you’d be able to get to your second class. You could use a break anyway, it’s not like missing one creative writing class would kill you. Not physically anyway.

“Here you go,” he plopped a cup on the table, along with a pastry bag, “you should eat.”

“Are you actually going to help me study?”

“Sure, but I think we should talk about Minho first.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

He shut your textbook gently and pulled it away from you. “There’s a lot to talk about. I know Minho can be the worst, but there’s a lot more to him. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to trust me.” You wrapped your hands around the coffee cup, the warmth spreading to your hands. The rain was still pouring if it continued the town would flood. You didn’t understand why Minho was being so intense, maybe you shouldn’t have snapped but it wasn’t like he was a saint either.

“Why should I trust you?”

“I’m the one who sent him down here- well, with some pressure from the fates but still. I promise I’m the sanest up there, well second to Woojin.”

“Then why isn’t Woojin here?”

“He’s solving some other matters.”

“Like?”

“Ah, I can’t tell you that. But we’re moving away from the point. Just talk to Minho, honestly, once.”

“Already tried.”

“I know, but hopefully, I can help.”

“W-?”

Chan snapped his fingers, shooting you a somewhat apologetic look but turned to Minho looking smug. “What do you want?” You laughed, crossing your arms and leaning back into the cushioned seat. “Do you have something you want to say?” he snapped, “Oh wait, you already had your tantrum in the most expensive restaurant in town.” You knew better than to provoke Minho in this state, he knew what words that to use to hurt- and if he got any angrier, he would lose control. You weren’t laughing at him in the first place rather than yourself for getting into this situation. But whatever, Minho took it personally and even though you were tired of always being the bigger person- someone had to be. You didn’t even glare at him, you uncrossed your arms let them lay on top of your legs.

“Minho, be respectful.”

“Why are you even here? Fuck off.”

“I’m still your leader Minho, watch your tone. If you didn’t want to be found, you should’ve made an effort.”

Minho pulled away, sinking into the seat and tapped his fingers on the wooden table, settling to glare at you instead. “I thought you were letting me go back to Olympus.” You pulled your books into your lap, knuckles turning white from your grip. “I should go,” you nodded at Chan, “it was nice to meet you, Chan.” He shook his head, and as you tried to open the door, you found that it was just conveniently jammed. “Look, I don’t wanna do this but you guys need to talk it out,” he started, “And the sexual tension is killing me, Jesus.” You turned, taking your hand off of the knob. You let your bag fall to the side and slid back down to the seat, watching as the campus paths filled with large puddles of water. “Look, Minho, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. But you were flirting with a waiter, and not to mention you let me get arrested.”

“Is that seriously what this is about? What are you, five?”

“You’re not exactly known for being loyal, Minho.”

“You’re supposed to be a mediator!”

“I’m mediating you being a bitch boy.”

“I am not! That’s bold coming from someone-”

“Can I leave?” you didn’t mean to interrupt, okay you did- whatever Minho was about to say was probably something personal, “I have a class and I need to get there early.” Minho scoffed at you and you sighed.

“Okay, what? What’s your fucking problem?”

“I took you to the best restaurant in town, and you threw a tantrum.”

You laughed in disbelief, leaning over the table and looked at him.”The sexual tension is like, literally suffocating me,” Chan said loudly, “I’m still here, you know, I’m asphyxiating.” Both of you ignored him, breaths hitched with the attention fixated on each other, suddenly infatuated with the tension in the room. “You flirt because you’re insecure. You thought I’d get bored, so you tried to prove that you’re available, bitch boy.” You weren’t sure it came from, the compulsion that came over you. A ripple of surprise washed over, but he quickly retaliated. Minho’s face as he leaned forward, pushing you back. “You’re just scared you can’t handle me. True, you don’t wanna fix me- but you’re scared that you’re not as exciting as my past lovers.” You were staring at each other now, both of you hauntingly relaxed but maintaining an aura of intimidation around one another. “I don’t need to be exciting, you’re just obsessed with me because I put you in your well-deserved place. You’ve been kept in a bubble all this time. It just gives you the hots when someone doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.” He licked his lips and smiled, “Actually, I think you’re the one who needs to be put in place. You’re too arrogant. You need to learn that I’m god from Olympus, babe- I deserve to be worshipped.” You leaned closer, your breath hot on his face as he watched, lips millimeters away from his but you brushed your lips against his ear instead, whispering lowly as the hair on his neck rose, “Over my dead body, babe.”

He spoke again as you moved back to leave, his finger ran across your lip and you refused to give him the satisfaction of moving away. “If you think you’re so high and mighty then race me,” he tilted his head and brought his lips close to yours, “I mean, if you’re not scared, babe.” You placed your thumb on his chin, tilting it up. This wasn’t like you, but you’d be damned if he was going to win this little show-off. Your nose and forehead were pressed against his as you spoke lowly, “You’re the one who should be scared, babe.”

[mindless-self-pudding]

Secret Secrets

this is just me farting out an idea ive had for a while lmao; i hope its coherent

TW SMOKING; TW UNDERAGE DRINKING

(while both characters r 18 they still cannot legally drink; also ooooo colored font C8)

---

Mondo was jostled awake at 2 a.m. by the incessant, shrill ringing of his phone. As he rubbed his fingers over his still exhausted eyes and cursed himself for picking the most irritating ringtone on the planet, he grabbed the device and briefly glanced at the caller I.D. Surprisingly, it was Ito Mitsuo. Mondo knew all too well that his friend hated talking on the phone...something must be up. His worried heart woke him more as his thumb tapped on the screen to answer the call. "Ito...?" he mumbled, voice hoarse and soaked with sleep.

"Heeeeyyy, Ōwadaaaa..."

Well, Ito didn't SOUND like he was in trouble. In fact, it almost seemed like he was sort of giddy. Mondo couldn't keep the sigh in his mouth from coming out. If this was some kind of crank call, he'd be pissed. "What're you doin', callin' me this fuckin late...?"

"I gotta...like...I gotta ask a biiiiig favor."

"Which is...?"

"Can y'come pick me up? I ain't seen a cab inna min'."

A cab? "Jesus Christ, what are you doin' out?" Mondo said with a start, sitting bolt upright beneath his sheets. They weren't supposed to be outside the campus at night, especially not this late, and if Ito was anything, he was afraid of getting caught breaking the rules. He heard his friend huff on the other end in response.

"Nunya. Now, please...can you, like, super-de-duper hurry? It's starting to raaaain..."

Shit, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just let his friend be stranded somewhere in town. "Fuck, fine. Just text me the address." He swore he heard Ito giggle before the line went dead.

Mondo let out an annoyed grunt as he wildly slapped his hand on the bedside table in search of a hair tie. This really wasn't like Ito. Mondo, personally, had snuck off campus more times than he could count, but he was close enough to his friend to know that this was really, really uncharacteristic.

As he slipped his loafers on and swiped his motorcycle key from the table drawer, his phone let out a text tone. Then another. And another. Tonight was certainly going to be at least interesting.

-------

The building was a step above a shack, probably one of the oldest izayakas Mondo had ever seen. He could almost taste the liquor in the air around it. From the looks of the one guy outside, though, it wasn't grimey enough to keep patrons away. His motorcycle came to a halt right in front of that person, whose hoodie was drawn over their head. Their sneakers were soaked from rain and a cigarette dangled from their lips.

The green strands of hair floating from the inside of the cowl were enough to give their identity away before they lifted their head to release the smoke in their mouth.

"Ito? What the fuck are you doing at a bar?!" Mondo's shout garnered Ito's attention very quickly, the man nearly jumping at the sound. His reply, though, was indignant. "I-I already, like...y'know, I like, TOLD you, nunya." Ito wobbled on the balls of his feet and nearly fell backwards, despite only standing in one place. As Mondo dared to step closer, the stench of cheap sake and tobacco filled his nose. He could feel bile churning in his stomach. Was straight-lace, anxious Ito really...

"Holy shit, are you drunk?"

"What, you gonna fuckin', uh, call my dad on me?" He punctuated himself by taking another long drag off his cigarette. This was worrying, to say the least. It felt like Mondo was exploring uncharted territory; some of the guys in the Crazy Diamonds pulled this kind of shit, but Ito?

Mondo grit his teeth behind his lips. "God, you fuckin' reek of booze, dude...and put that shit out, it smells damn awful." The drizzle around them picked up a little more, but the rain did nothing about the vice between Ito's fingers. Suddenly, that vile smoke was being blasted in his face, and Mondo let out a vicious cough. "Feels fuckin' gooooood..." Clouds billowed from Ito's mouth as he spoke.

Alright. That was enough. He was too tired and too worried to keep putting up with this shit. Mondo ripped the cigarette from his friend and crushed it in the palm of his hand. The burn from the still-lit tobacco felt like nothing on his calloused palms. "Hey, man! What the fuck?!" Ito slurred in protest, still gawking from the display, "That was, like, my last, uh...my last one!"

"Your lungs are thankin' me. Now, come on, get on the damn bike. I wanna go back to bed." Mondo stared Ito dead in the eye as he dusted the black remains from his hands...or, well, as much as he could stare into the eye of someone who's drunken vision was glazed over. His friend wobbled a little more and tried to glare, but ended up looking like a pouting child.

At last, he relented. "Fine..." With a huff, and a slump of his shoulders, Ito stumbled to the motorcycle. Finally, a little progress.

------

It wasn't a long drive back to the campus, but it sure as hell felt like it, what with the rain pelting them like bullets. Mondo always hated biking in the rain; the water would ruin his hair and undo all the hard work he put into it. Now, though, with his curled top tied back, the stuff was just shooting him straight in the eyes. He felt a little envious of Ito. His friend's face was buried into his back, safe from the onslaught from the clouds.

His long, spindly arms were wrapped around his waist, and Mondo thought he was secure until he felt his grip slumping, nearly falling off his chest. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. He was dozing off. Thinking as quickly as he could, Mondo reached one hand behind him and slapped Ito's leg with a whip crack. His friend squawked and his grip returned with a vengeance, nails digging into his sides as he held on for dear life.

"Hey, don't fall asleep back there!" Mondo shouted above the rain, "You let go a'me, and you'll fuckin' crack your skull open on the street." Shit, Ito really was drunk if he wasn't yelling at him for that slap.

Instead, Ito just nuzzled deeper into his back, his lips moving against him as he mumbled, "M'kay..." The sensation of his friend's warm breath against the cold, wet skin beneath his soaked tank top sent tingles shooting up his spine. Mondo found himself about to protest but the words were strangled in his throat.

This is fine. He's probably just an affectionate drunk. It's harmless. Mondo chanted that three sentence mantra in his head over and over as he felt Ito's grip loosen. His safety hold on Mondo's torso was quickly evolving into some kind of embrace, and he felt more of those tender, warming sighs on his spine. As it got more and more difficult to concentrate on the road, the mantra only got louder in his brain.

------

As they left the school storage shed as silently as a sober babysitter and a drunk person could, Mondo saw Ito dig into the pockets of his jeans and his hoodie. He looked semi-panicked. Oh, God, what did he do now?

"Oh shit...oh shit, dude."

"What?"

"I lost my fuckin', like...my KEY."

Mondo swore he could feel a migraine blossoming in his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You lost your God damn key, of course." Well, what now? Ito couldn't get into his dorm, and it's not like Mondo could just abandon him here. There was only one solution he could think of.

"Alright, whatever, you can crash in my dorm tonight. I think I got a sleepin' bag somewhere." Suddenly, a pair of long, skinny arms were thrown around his neck, and Ito became the world's most intoxicated necklace as he dangled gleefully from Mondo's neck. "Fuck yaaaay, slumber party with my bestest best bud, Ōwada!" Ito squealed as his legs kicked in the air. The volume of his voice was enough to make Mondo wince. "Jesus Christ, keep it down, you moron! Everyone's asleep!" he hissed.

Ito released him and dropped to the cement with a wet thunk. "Whoopsie doodle..."

The rain got worse as they made a perilous trek to the dorms, and it was extremely difficult to see where they were going, but somehow, eventually, they made it inside. It was difficult to minimize the tracks of water across the building floor, and Mondo prayed that they'd be mostly evaporated in the morning. Luckily, though, they didn't have too far to go, and in the blink of an eye they were in his dorm. Thank God, he was itching to get out of these dripping wet loafers.

"Alright, well, here we are. Just don't make too much of a mess, capiche?" Ito just seemed to wobble in a circle like a bobble head, a stupid grin on his reddened face. "Oh hot damn, I'm in Ōwada's room...where all his unmen'chibles aaaare..." He started to wander across the room when Mondo grabbed his shoulder. "Come on, man, at least get yer shoes off. Don't track mud all over the fuckin' place."

Ito blinked at him, and then sheepishly looked to the floor. "F-forgot."

"Yeah, I know you 'forgot' your key, dumbass---"

"NO. I forgot...I forgot how t'untie my shoes."

Mondo stared at him incredulously, his mouth hanging open in shock. "...oh, my fuckin' God." They must've served him some kind of memory-erasing cocktail. Or maybe he really was that far gone.

Ito gave him another wide grin. "C'mon, I'll give ya a biiiig kiss if y'help meee!" Fuck, yeah, he was completely gone. Mondo sighed as he pushed him to the bed. "Just...sit down," he ordered, exasperated, "Sit down and don't move." Ito did as he was told and plopped onto his sheets, peering down at Mondo uselessly while he undid the sopping knots of his shoes. Immediately when he got the first shoe off, all five of his senses were assaulted with the scent of a combination of nail polish remover and sharpies. "Fuckin' A, did you pour sake down your socks or somethin'?!" Jesus, if Ito wasn't gonna hurl by the end of this, Mondo would.

"Can't remember. Probsablyly."

Another irritated groan escaped through his grit teeth. Was this how Daiya felt when he was a kid and stepped in some shit and they had to get his sneakers off? At least Mondo had an excuse, then, for not knowing how to untie his shoes. Ito was just a damn idiot.

When his shoes were finally off and tossed by the door, Mondo rose to his feet. He should probably get him something, right? The pipes were probably still off for the night...he had a water bottle on the table. It was probably still good. Probably. "Alright. Okay. Alright," Mondo uttered, desperately trying to get some kind of mental hold on the situation, "Please tell me you remember how to drink before I get you some water." Ito scoffed and bounced himself off the bed so he could stand. "Oh, baby, I'm th'fuckin'...BEST at drinkin'."

Great. Mondo couldn't help but roll his eyes as he grabbed the water bottle. He took Mitsuo's hand and manually wrapped his fingers around the plastic, because God knows if he didn't, he might drop the fucking thing. "Here. Drink all a'this 'fore you do anythin' else."

Ito promptly ripped the cap off and swung it back, sucking down huge gulps of water at a worrying pace. Mondo balked as he witnessed this, helplessly protesting, "Holy shit, you don't need to chug it!!" But it was too late. His friend had gulped down the entirety of the contents in seconds.

"You wan'that kiss I promised ya...?"

That question came out of left field and smacked Mondo in the face.

"Wh...huh?"

He was frozen where he stood as Ito inched closer to him. "I been told I'm real good at kissin'...y'wanna fiiiiind out...?" His hair was down and a mess, and his glazed brown eyes were burning holes into his body. As drunk as he was, the way Ito was looking at him, his sight seemingly drinking in every part of him...it was almost sort of sexy---

Mondo immediately stopped his train of thought in its tracks and backed up a good three feet. No. No, no, no. "Okay...shit. Slow down, there, cowboy, you're...you're way too fuckin' drunk."

As Ito hobbled closer, the side of his hoodie sliding off his shoulder, Mondo brought his hands up, prepared to shove him if he needed. He needed to get him to sleep pronto.

"Y'wanna know a secret, Ōwada? Like a secret secret...?"

"...what?" Fuck, why did he answer? He shouldn't indulge Ito when he's like this! But it was too late.

"When I'm with y'like...like right now, my heart goes..." Ito's intoxicated brain seemed to struggle to find the right words. "...it does like a boom boom boom in my chest, y'know...? Like, so hard I feel it."

"Uh..."

"It's doin' it again...I want YOU t'feel it."

Before Mondo could even properly react, Ito's hands were curled over his arm and bringing his palm to rest over his heart.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

It was like someone was knocking into his hand. The knocking, the thudding, the beat...whatever it was, it made Mondo release a sharp exhale, and his mind felt like a warm cloud had settled inside it. His heart. Ito's heart felt like it was beating for him. Mondo's body quivered at the thought even crossing his mind, and suddenly, he became aware of his own dull thudding in his rib cage. He wanted to hold him closer, just a little bit. Enough so maybe they could feel their hearts beat together. And Ito's pulse was so close; if his fingers trailed to his neck, maybe he could feel---

His senses came back to him violently with whiplash. Mondo nearly jumped back against the wall as Ito's flesh suddenly became a red-hot iron. Don't. No. He couldn't. What was wrong with him? "Okay. Shit, fuck, that's enough. Lemme find the sleeping bag, and---"

When he looked and saw Ito's face again, tears were streaming down his cheeks. His shoulders were shaking as he hiccuped, and his eyes were lined with red. Oh. Oh, no. "Oh, God, Ito, you good?" Mondo tried, daring to step a little closer.

"You're not...never gonna...I'm..."

His garbled speech was muddled and slurred, and Mondo could barely understand what he was saying.

"Hurts...hurts a lot...I just...all the time, I...you...you won't..."

Something was hurting him? "Ito...?" Mondo didn't know what to do. He could deal with lost keys and forgetting lessons from kindergarten, but he didn't know how to help him with this one. Mondo wanted to pull Ito into a hug, but God, who knows what would happen after that. Shit, he couldn't even figure out what was making him cry. And apparently, neither could Ito, because he promptly stopped crying out of nowhere, returning to his previous wobbly state.

Well, he must've forgotten what was wrong, which was alright in Mondo's book. As Ito absentmindedly wiped his snot on the back of his sleeve, he gave the biker another doofy grin.

"Mmm, sleepy..."

Sleepy was great. All Mondo wanted for the wildest 15 minutes of his life was for Ito to go to sleep. Now he just had to find that sleeping bag. As he opened the doors to his closet to search, though, he heard the rustling of his sheets. Mondo turned his head to find Ito crawling into his bed, still fully clothed and soaked to the bone.

"Fuck, come on, man, that's MY bed..." Mondo grumbled just as his hands found his sleeping bag. Ito didn't respond in the slightest, instead choosing to nuzzle his face deep into his pillow. Mondo swore he heard him mumble something as he curled into himself beneath his sheets...something about smelling? He wasn't sure, and right at this second, he was too burnt out to care.

"Fine...fine. I'LL take the sleeping bag. Jesus..."

When the bag was unfurled, he shucked his sweats off and crawled inside. Mondo's polyester surroundings weren't the most comfortable, but hey, better than nothing. He especially didn't want to risk crawling into bed next to Ito. At least, not when he's drunk...somehow, within minutes of him thinking that, Mondo was asleep for the second time that night.

------

Mondo was wrung from his slumber on the floor in his bedroom by the sound of someone being extremely sick in his bathroom. From where he was, he could turn his head to see his impromptu guest hunched over his toilet holding his own hair back. Oh. Cool. So it wasn't just a super bizarre lucid dream.

"Ito? Hey, you alright?"

Weakly, Ito flushed the toilet and rested his head against the side of the bowl. "I feel like I got hit by a fuckin' train, but I'm alive," he ground out.

Mondo couldn't help but chuckle as he pulled himself from the sleeping bag. "That's the important part."

Mondo watched as Ito crawled on his hands and knees out of the bathroom before he came to a stop beside his bed, wincing at the sunlight streaming in. Ito looked like hell, but at least he was safe on campus and not waking up in some alleyway.

"Hey...Ōwada, I didn't, like, do anything weird last night, right...? Besides losing my key..."

"...you stole my bed, but other'n that, nah. You're good."

"Awesome."

It was probably better this way, him not knowing. Shit, if Mondo pulled half the crap he did, he'd probably be so embarrassed he'd die.

Ito's eyes slipped closed, like he was taking a break from the light. His hair was disheveled, and his lips parted to let out an exhausted sigh. He was...fuck, he looked pretty, like this, even though the smell of the bar and the cigarettes still hung on his clothes.

Ito abruptly stood, then, and almost limped to stuff his feet into his shoes. Mondo didn't really want him to go.

"Well, I'm gonna get outta your hair," Ito announced, "Either gonna try to call maintenance for a new key or pass out in the library...I'll decide on the way."

"Yeah, good luck, buddy."

Ito gave a tired wave back to him, and was about to open the door when he suddenly stopped. Mondo couldn't deny his heart jumping a little. His heart...fuck, his heart.

"Oh, hey, Ōwada?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I...I owe you one."

"...anytime."

Ito gave him another smile, before finally, he walked away, out into the hall. The door clicked shut when Mondo stood up. He was...sad to see him go. But why? Why was he thinking all this weird, fuzzy bullshit? Especially after last night...he should think Ito was gross, at least.

Mondo flounced on top of his bed, still damp from Ito's body. If he breathed in deep enough, he could smell the faintest bit of him lingering.

[writing-in-riverdale]

twin andrews part 4 | jughead x reader

part one:https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/158708863703/twin-andrews-juggie-x-reader-an-im-hoping

part two:https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/158896154168/twin-andrews-part-2-jughead-x-reader

part three:https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/158929430293/twin-andrews-part-three-jughead-x-reader

part five: https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/159487616565/twin-andrews-part-5-jughead-x-reader

a/n: wowie lil nuggets we’ve reached part 4 im having a lil happy dance over here! im so overwhelmed about how much you guys are liking this series so im more than happy to get busy making parts as long as you’ll are loving it so let me know!!🥂👱🏻‍♀️💛🤓💐🌈💚🌻ps: if you’ve missed a part click on the masterlist in my blog ✨

♕

“ugh i hate calculus with my whole heart” i mutter flicking through my text book pooping a few gummy bears in my mouth. it was free period so Betty, Kevin and I decided to try and study for a calculus text tomorrow.

my brother and he’s team mates were also here with veronica and jughead sitting off to the side taking in everyone’s conversation. i catch him glances at me which cause me to smile and fiddle with the ends of his jacket

reggie was going on about his theories on who killed jason and everyone was getting pretty fed up with his antics

“it couldn’t have been a jock-” i groan closing my book “reggie can you just stop! jesus christ” he turns in his seat smirking at me.

“well well well my little vixen what’s gotten into you-” i roll my eyes “im trying to study and i can hear is your idiotic voice so it’d be wonderful if you just shut the hell up!” i smile sweetly the room snickering at my response.

“terribly sorry my lady- please continue working” i curse under my breathe turning my attention away from reggie and toward the brunette leaning against the far table, a smirk drawn on his face, i give him a wink causing his chest to shake as he laughs

my attention is brought back when reggie bellows jugheads name, i move out of the chair and over to reggie, “seriously?” he ignores me and continues to interrogate jughead

“what was it like suicide squad? when you shot jason?” “you didn’t do stuff to the body right? like after?”

i turn to jughead awaiting his response “its call necrophilia reggie, can you spell it?” he replies emotionless. he’s arms folded across his chest

“come here you little punk” reggie launches himself over the couch and rushes up the jughead not before archie jumps in front of him pushing reggie in the chest away from the two

i sigh relived that my brother was protecting him even though they weren’t the best of friends right now

everyone stands “boys” veronica warns touching chuck on the arm, i look at her puzzled at how snug she was being with yet another jock

i push past moose and grab reggie by the shoulder “would you just stop for a minute-?” i spit annoyed at the air head “leave him alone” i warn. he pushes up his selves glancing from me to jughead to my brother and then back to me.

“wait is that jugheads jacket your wearing princess?-” my brother shoves him once more “god just shut up reggie”

“what do you care Andrews?”

he glances quickly to me before back to reggie “nothing just leave him alone”

i smile small at my brother but it’s short lived as reggie speaks “holy crap”

“did you and donny darko kill him together? was it some sort of pervy blood brother thing?”

my brother shoves the raven headed boy, jugheads eyes going wide stepping away from the table and outstretching his arms shielding me from the two. i push past his arms and place a hand on Reggies chest “walk away”

anger flashes in his eyes “no can do princess” and with that he grabs my brother and throws him into the vending machine the glasses smashing, arms around me waist tug me back and i try and fight it until i realise it was jug.

Chuck and Jughead are up trying to pry the two apart as they wrestle on the ground Reggie getting one solid punch to my brothers eye before giving up the fight and letting Chuck drag him up holding him against the wall to stop him from causing further harm.

i move toward him anger moving through me like a tidal wave, “don’t you ever speak to my friends like that ever again- and i swear if you lay another hand on my brother i will make sure you cannot reproduce got it?” i sneer and he wink at me “god i love it when your mad” a flick switches and i punch him right in the eye.

he tries to break free from chuck as i continue to hit him annoyance taking away “you little jerk” i yell being lifted off the ground and dragged out of the room by the beanie wearing brunette

he walks me over to my locker as we see the principle enter the room walking away with the two jocks “i can’t believe him” i mumble slamming my hands against the locker

“hey don’t let him get to you” he places his hand on my shoulder and i exhale loudly “yeah i know- i don’t get how you can deal with it jug- what he said was totally out of hand and im sorry-” he shakes his head “don’t worry about it i seemed to have both andrews in my corner anyway”

i smile down at my feet “did you and archie make up last night?” he shifts on his feet “uh- no no we didn’t we just talked and yeah” i sigh “will you ever?” he shrugs again “i don’t know- i want to tell you it’s just” he clears his throat “it’s fine jug, ive got practice ill see you tonight at the rally?” he nods “yeah”

“(y/n) wait-” i turn and face him “will i be getting my jacket back anytime soon?” he chuckles, my eyes widen i had totally forgotten that i hadn’t returned it to him since he gave it to me last night “my bad” i shrug off the jacket and he shakes his head

“no no- keep it for now- it’ll give me an excuse to see you again-” i blush but continue to remove the jacket “i have practice so ill be in my uniform so it’ll just be in my locker so please take it, the game can be your excuse”

he reluctantly takes it from me and places it in his locker “i don’t think ill ever be able to wear it again, you wore it too well so now it doesn’t look as good on me anymore” he gives me a smug smile “yeah yeah whatever jones, i love that jacket on you-”

“see you tonight” i yell to him as i walk myself toward the girls locker room, great a whole period of my two favourite people; Cheryl Blossom and Veronica Lodge.

♕

after what seemed like the longest hour of my life the bell finally rings ending the period and i give a silent prayer as i now have an excuse to put as much distance as i possible can before i launch myself at veronica for breaking a thousand girl codes.

my head was aching from listen to her trying to tell Betty how she realised she did was wrong but she wasn’t the only one involved and that apparently she was being a ‘good’ friend and ‘protecting’ betty because cheryl would’ve gone in if veronica didn’t.

im almost in the clear until i hear the all to familiar voice calling out my name, i bring my hands to my mouth and scream into them before slapping a smile on my face and turning to face the raven haired girl.

“okay so i understand your mad at me for what happened between me and your brother and I just want to apologise” i pause before i answer trying to think of ways to place it nicely.

“look ronnie i wouldn’t have given a crap if you hooked up with my brother okay he can date and kiss whoever the hell he wants but when you add my girl to the mix that’s where i draw the line, you knew how betty felt- you both did yet not one of you thought to yourself maybe i shouldn’t smash b’s heart to smithereens” i smile sarcastically

“if your goal was to piss me off to the point where i actually can’t stand to be near you then congrats you’ve done that. im annoyed and hungry so quite frankly don’t approach me until ive calmed down because i swear i will take you down and i really don’t want to make an enemy out of you”

i move past her and make my way to my locker to grab a few things before heading home to change and prepare for the rally tonight it’s supposedly forecast to flash flood but for some wack reason they’re making us cheer in the pouring rain. yay school spirit

“hey andrews”

“oh for fuck sakes can’t a girl just be left alone!” i complain turning to see the smug look of Reggie Mantle, black eye and all. “not in the mood Mantle shove along go find another cheerleader to torment.

i begin to walk out of the school reggie still hot on my heels “but your my own and only vixen i swear” i furrow my brows at the boy and ignore him as i begin my journey home

im almost at my house when I realise reggie still trailing behind me “jeez reg what are you walking me home?” i complain trying to pick up my pace “we aren’t in school anymore you can leave me alone and stop acting like an asshole”

“oh c'mon (y/n/n) i thought we were past this” he complains stopping at the gate to my house “guess we aren’t” i say enthusiastically giving a thumbs up for encouragement before slamming the front door and flopping onto the couch.

the front door opens and closes but im too tired and grumpy to move so i stay out sprawled out onto the couch “why is reggie outside our house?” archie asks moving my legs so he could sit down.

i sit up and take the apple from his hand “reggie who?”

♕

“you ready for tonight?” i ask the blonde girl fiddling with my hair as we start the walk toward school

she nods her head and to swinging her blonde pony tail “im actually really excited- my first pep rally as a river vixen” she giggle spinning around in her uniform

“well miss betty cooper you were made to be a cheerleader, us vixens are lucky to have you” i encourage her attempting to calm the nerves i know she has.

“thanks (y/n/n), im so glad your back” i wink at the blonde “so am i- i did really miss you a lot, seems like everyone’s life just sort went on with me” i smile sadly.

we enter the locker room and my good mood seems to have diminished completely “ronnie!” Betty calls to the raven haired girl gesturing her over so we could walk out onto the field together

“looking good ladies” veronica compliments offering me a small smile, i decide to return it “we good?” she questions and i take a second to respond “yeah lodge we’re good”

she smiles placing both hands on our shoulders “now should be go and show some school spirit” her grin wide and preppy cheerleader tone on point “lets go!” i return the enthusiasm throwing up some spirit fingers.

we rush onto the field bouncing on the balls of the feet and get the crowd up and alive, it was pouring down and we were soaked as soon as we stepped foot onto the field. the bleachers filled with umbrellas to shield themselves.

the mayor steps up to the podium and gives a small speech dedicating the rally to the late jason blossom before introducing josie and the pussycats and the river vixens to start their performance

the music starts and we launch into the routine all eyes on us as we swish around our skirts doing a few flips but mostly choreography from one miss blossom. i grab my poms and start catching jughead staring right at me, it throws me off but i mange to get back into the groove a blush covering my face

we finish our routine and coach runs across the stage and introduce the almighty riverdale bulldogs. they break through the banner my brother at the front of the group wearing jasons jersey. i freeze sickness washing over me, i turn instantly to see cheryl turning white before catching my gaze and bolting off the field.

betty & veronica rush off the field following her but i decide against following them and walk toward my brother whom was amongst the crowd talking to one jughead jones

puzzled i jog over smiling brightly as i approach the two “whatcha talking bout” i ask smiling shyly at the brunette, i bump hips with my brother “nice way to spook everyone arch” i tease and he just shakes his head

“so?” i raise my eyes brows glancing between the two awfully chummy “uh arch just apologised and well im going to give him a second chance” jug speaks playing with the back of his neck

i smile to myself jumping up and down before launching myself into jughead, he stumbles but wraps his arms around my waist holding me up before setting me down “thank you” i mumble into his ear before turning and punching my brother playfully in the arm

“about time you big idiot”

“ow!” he exaggerates rubbing his arm “oh stop being a baby” i roll my eyes at him the boy laughing at the sibling banter

“Pop’s?” i ask the two and they nod i start walking and the lag behind “c'mon what are we waiting for!” they laugh and share a glance before jogging to catch up to my long strides

“can i ask yous something” archie asks me as we start our short journey to pop’s “shoot” i tell him adjusting my gym bag on my shoulder before jughead removes it from my slinging it on his own shoulder

“what’s with you two, why have you been wearing jughead’s jackets are yous like a thing or-?” i giggle glancing at the brunette next to me who decides to stay quite

“it was pouring down on the way over from the dance, i was cold so he leant it to me and i wore it to school the next day to return it. is it really that big of a deal?”

he shakes his head “not that it’s really any of your business anyway right jug?” he looks at me wide eyes glancing between his best friend and his little sister “i mean yeah”

i laugh at his nervousness and push open the door to Pop’s spotting B & V already sitting in a both toward the back, i don’t wait for the boys i just continue down and slip in next to veronica

“ladies” i smile at them and betty turns in her seat looking at my brother and he’s best friend, i realise instantly and cuss under my breathe “they don’t have to seat sorry my bad” she shakes her head and speaks out to the boys as they wait for permission to join us”

“you wanna join us?” they both share a smile “only if your treating” jughead comments walking over and sliding in next to me placing his arm along the back of the booth

i watch as my brother does the same sharing a glance of respect with betty then laughing at something veronica said as we all sit cozily in our booth waiting for our food to arrive engrossed in our own little world.

i feel jugheads arm drop slowly resting on my shoulder causing me to wriggle closer to him sharing a smile with the brunette before returning back to the conversation

last nights drama had fizzled away, friendships mended and on their way to being so for now we sit happy and content wonder what tomorrow brings and in this moment i smile this, this was home.

-🌹

TAG LIST AS PROMISED: @smadrat @natalieroseg @isak-lovelies @lena-lightwood @xbobaaa @savygabby

[johnnys-so]

May I please request a college or uni senior Hyuk scenario? Thank youuu

A/N: I have three other hyuk scenarios other than this oh god im channeling all of my inner hyuk. i had to watch ridiculous hyuk videos on youtube just to get his character right. But so worth it.

uni senior hyuk would be the kind of guy that everyone knew of but nobody really knows him. do you know what i mean? he’s way more approachable than the 4th year senior hyungs like leo, n and ken but definitely not as self revealing as anyone would like

i imagine hyuk as a physics major, something related to science or architecture most definitely. he’s definitely got the brains for it. He also seems like the kind of student who makes it to the dean’s list or becomes the class representative or the vice president of a club. and even if he isn’t constantly in leader positions, he is very respectful and kind to his professors, which makes them all the more inclined to give him assistant positions and that’s how you first met him.

hyuk had walked into your class as a sophomore and you were immersed in the new book you were reading. he had casually passed on some announcement about assignments from the professor and walked out of class just as quickly, except he ran back into the class and straight to you, to mention that the professor had asked you to meet them. much like hyuk, the profs were kind enough to take you up for research and assistant positions when in need

you didn’t realise what was happening but this very bright senior with his black hair falling into his eyes was asking you if you understood what you had just said. honestly? you didn’t hear a word. the protagonist of the novel in front of you was too interesting to focus on the real world but you were sure whatever hyuk was saying was important. but just as you had gotten up the courage (and mind) to ask him to repeat himself, he was already out of the class. but ofcourse the girls around you had to make a big deal out of it. they mused about everything from his hair to his clothes o his hotness to how cool he was. all you could remember was that he strangely smelled like petrichor. and you loved it

you forget to actually ask him again and let the matter go until a week later when the professor meets you directly and asks you why you haven’t been showing up at the meetings?

wait what???

meetings???

and thats when the prof mentions that you were invited to a fairly exclusive club about research and were invited to the dean’s dinner! (im literally just making it up as we go im so sorry)

you finally make it to the club meeting only to realise that you’ve missed a series of them and hyuk’s the one leading it. just as you enter, he rushes you to just sit down and catch up and goes on and on about whatever they were discussing earlier. to be fair, you were utterly lost.

so you wait until everyone’s left, literally shaking in your chair from the nerves and slowly get up to talk to hyuk. hyuk looks goddamn amazing, you have to agree. he always wore comfortable tshirts or oversized hoodies or sweaters to college and that just made him all the more handsome. he had a very effortless beauty to himself that you couldn’t help but admire. if you weren’t so stressed with uni work and the idea of having missed out so many meetings because you FORGOT TO ASK HIM AGAIN, you would have actually admired the way his long fingers effortlessly arranged the papers on the desk into a neat pile. or the way one corner of his sweater was always lodged into the belt of his pants. or his nervous habit of biting his lips when he was distracted with work

but instead, you walk up behind him and begin slowly, “umm excuse me…” and hyuk literally WHIRLS around. hyuk has the grace of a tycoon tbh and he nearly knocks you out but thankfully, he grips your shoulders to balance you and you’re a bit shocked because you just went from nervous wreck to in startling close space with the cute uni senior dear lORD HELP YOU

“right haha sorry about that. how can i help you???/”

“sO… im extremely sorry but i have missed quite a few of these meetings -”

“yeah i noticed”

“-and its entirely my fault idk what ive been thinking -”

“no no its ok”

“–but im just super sorry and id love to help but everything you say goes over my head and i know i should get it god im sorry but -”

and by now hyuk’s heard you apologize for a complete set of 10 times since you entered the room and he is trying real hard to stifle a laugh but you make it so hard because you’re so cute and your hands are curling into a grasp and he desperately wants to straighten them out like the pile of neat papers on the desk behind him so he kinda does (this boi i mean)

he reaches out for your hands and holds them in his and stares at them almost wistfully as he says “you’ve got to stop this bad habit of starting with an apology” and when he looks up he nearly wants to kiss the living daylights out of you because the sun outside is setting and you’re in one of the oldest rooms of your uni and with the winter cold, you seem like the warmest most delicious thing in the room

so he puts all his effort into putting his hands into his pockets and offers to help you catch up with the meetings personally

what follows is a series of cafe dates where you both catch up on all the plans for the upcoming exhibition (think of it like a summit of sorts) and you realize he relies a lot on you for decisions and occasionally stops to hear what you think about his ideas so far

the dates begin as a very formal thing with both of you dressing very well and maintaining a respectful distance and only ever opting for the occasional coffee. but after the 4th or 5th meet you decide to try different coffees and your clothes become more relaxed with you turning up in your favorite sweater dress and your hair in a messy bun and your smile light and easy.

from there, you hit it off so well. though you’re all caught up he stlil offers to show you this one restaurant he really loves and “you’ve GOT to try the food you will CRY BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD” and you’re always up for a good challenge so you meet up for dinner after all your classes in your hoodies and stuff yourselves with food and drinks and chat late into the night.

by now both of you are very sure you’re attracted to each other because fuck how can you try and ignore him when he looks so good and he was definitely sure he lost all self control when you turned up so messy and bright in that sweater dress.

but its the dean’s dinner that does you in he shows up in the crisp white shirt, dress pants and a vest and you nearly lose it with his hair swept up like that and you’re in a cocktail dress and he can think of a 100 things to do with you and none of them should be spoken about in respectful company

and when the night draws on the old croak is making some stupid comments about his accomplishments in life that both of you could care less about, he whispers lazily “i cant wait to get out of these clothes” and you absent-mindedly reply “you look way better in comfortable clothing anyway” and he cheekily says “i half expected you to offer some help removing the clothes” and he doesn’t expect your answer but then

“i could. do you wanna leave and let me try?”

and thats how you end up in his apartment after sneaking out of the dinner with both your clothes lying on the floor and he’s kissing you like his life depends on it and maybe it kinda does because he literally ditched the dean for you wow

but after a solid make out session (and other things *ahem*) the rain is pouring cats and dogs outside and you get into one of hyuk’s huge shirts and he’s wearing just his track pants and the both of you are just sitting by the window, nursing a hot mug of coffee and listening to old songs and occasionally hyuk leans in to smell your neck and kisses the base of your throat and you realise

you’re uni life just got a whole of a lot better

YOU ARE WELCOME.

[yatokamiii]

Lovers that went wrong

"Dazai no don't go please!" Chuuya shouted as the taller male bulled his coat over his shoulders. Dazai's eyes were casted downwards at the floor, a solemn look polluting them and dulling the color. "Dazai, answer me! Scream, shout, say somethign!" Chuuya grabbed at Dazai's bandaged arm, pleading him to speak. Dazai jerked Chuuya's grip off of his arm, knocking the redhead onto the floor. Chuuya stared up at Dazai, speechless.

"I don't want to hear anything from you. How about you go to your new lover-boy? He seemed to do just fine for you last night." Dazai ripped his gaze away from Chuuya before slamming the front door after him. Chuuya sat on the floor in front of the front door, frozen. He didn't notice the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he began to sob on the ground in his apartment. He pulled himself to his knees, before clasping his hands over his face. 

Dazai stormed down the staircase that led up to Chuuya's apartment. He rubbed the tears that welled up in his eyes, and he tried to get the image of Chuuya under another man out of his mind. He bit the inside of his cheeks as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, letting the rain pour down on him, soaking him down to the bone. Dazai picked his feet back up and walked back to his own apartment with determination to fulfill his plan.

Once he reached the familiar front door that he hadn't walked through in about a week, he paused. Taking a deep breath, he turned his key in the lock and waited for the click before pushing it open and slamming it shut after him. He threw his coat over the back of the couch and stormed into his kitchen, opening his cabinet of pills. He grabbed a bottle from the top shelf and yanked the cap off. Filling the cup next to the sick with water, he poured half the contents of the bottle into his palm and tossed them into his mouth. gulping down the water, swallowing the little white ovals, he let the welled up tears rool down his cheeks right before his vision went black.

~~

Chuuya sat at the bar in his apartment, drinking whatever he could find. Any bottle that was within his reach was emptied within the matter of minutes. After hours of drinking, empty wine and vodka bottles littered the floor. He just wanted to drown out the memory of that night. The sounds of him moaning another man's name, the feeling of another man inside of him, him clawing at strange shoulders, and unfamiliar hair burying itself in the crook of his neck. The sight of Dazai standing in the doorway of what Chuuya considered their bedroom. The shocked look on his face. The hurt in his eyes. The way his mouth hung open a bit. The morning after. The way Dazai just sat on the cuch, causally reading his book. The look in his eyes when Chuuya made himself known. Dazai's heavy footsteps towards his coat next to the door. The way he threw Chuuya away from him. The look in his eyes before he slammed the door, cutting their connection. Chuuya folded his arms on the countertop and cuddled his head into them, releasing loud sobs that were muffled due to the small space. 

He missed the familiar bandaged arms that would wrap around him in his times of distraut, the way Dazai felt in every aspect. Their night they spent fucking into the wee hours. Or the nights that they spent just cuddling and enjoying each other's company. Every mission they went on. Every time Dazai saved Chuuya from his own ability. Every dumb movie they watched. Every popcorn fight. Every little nickame that they spat at each other. Every memory of his relationship with Dazai was drowned by his one fuck up.

Chuuya reached for his phone on the edge of the counter. He opened the screen, squinting a bit at the sudden bright light. His fingers automatically dialed the number of his one and only, and he brought the phone up to his ear. It rang about 6 times before going to his voicemail.

'This is Dazai, leave a message after the beep !' Dazai's beautifully bubbly tone rang through Chuuya's head, initiating more tears to escape from his eyes.

"Dazai." Chuuya's voice was coarse and broken, cracking with every word. "Please call me. I miss you. I know I fucked up but can't we fix this? Please. I'm begging you." Chuuya slurred before a beep sounded, ending his messgae and sending it. He pulled the phone away from his ear and dialed again.

'This is Dazai, leave a message after the beep !'

"Dazai come on. It's been three days. Can't we at least talk about this? Please? Dazai?" The beep cut him off. Chuuya slammed his head back into his arms and sobbed until he fell asleep.

~~

Chuuya woke up with a pounding hangover that felt like a massage compared to the pain he felt in his heart for what he did to Dazai. He picked up his phone and quickly checked for any missed calls, but to no avail. His screen showed no new notifications. Just the picture of him and Dazai at Chuuya's favorite restaurant from their one-year anniversary. He opened the phone and dialed the same number again.

'This is Dazai, leave a message after the beep !'

"Dazai. It's me again. Please. At least let me know you're okay. I just need to hear your voice. And not an automated machine. The real you. Please." He was once again cut off by the beep. He decided to shower and personally go over to Dazai's apartment.

After the boiling hot shower and Chuuya's relentless effors to try and scrub the guilt off of him, he placed his hat on his head and closed the door. Walking briskly down the street, weaving through people and dodging cars or food stands. In what felt like hours, he made it to the staircase that led to the apartment, he climbed up the three flights it took to get to Dazai's flat. Chuuya took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door, slowly raising his hand and knocking quietly. Footsteps grew louder as someone approached the front door. Chuuya's heart began to beat faster and he held his breath. The lock clicked and the door opened, only to reveal the blond man that was Dazai's business partner known as Kunikida.

"Oh, Mr. Nakahara. What brings you here?" Kunikida asked, resting one hand on the doorknob and one in the pocket of his pants.

"Where's Dazai? I need to talk to him, right now." Chuuya tried to sound as together as possible, but his voice came out more desperate than he had intended.

"I thought you had heard. He made another attempt on his life the other night. Swallowed over half a bottle of pills. We found him the next morning maybe an hour away from death. He's in the hospital right now." Kunikida explained calmly. Chuuya's mind raced in every direction.

"Oh my god." Chuuya whispered to himself. "What hospital is he in?" chuuya demanded.

"Yokohama General, room 237." Chuuya took off running without saying any thanks you or goodbye to Kunikida. His legs took him to the hospital half a mile away in under thirty minutes. Sprinting to the front desk, he slammed both his hands on in and attempted to catch his breath.

"I'm here to visit Mr. Dazai Osamu. He's in room 237." His breath came short and rapid.

"Go ahead sir." The receptionist answered as she handed him a visitor's pass. He walked quickly down the hallway, careful not to hit any doctors or patients that could be coming down the hall. He reahed room 237 and stopped. His hand rested gently on the doorknob. After taking two deep breaths, he opened it quietly, poking his head in. He found the sight of his love laying still in the pure whie bed, a blanket laid carefully across the lower half of his body.

"He's in a coma right now. He was found by two of his co-workers and brought here. We believe that he'll survive this, we have him on life support."

"Is it possible for me to, uhm," Chuuya paused a bit. "Is it possible for me to stay with him? You know until he wakes up?" Chuuya stuttered a bit. The doctor looked over to him and nodded.

"Of course, sir. If you'll excuse me." The doctor bowed slightly before exiting. Chuuya stared at the limp body before pulling a chair next to the bed. He rested his gloved hand on top of Dazai's cold one. The IV quietly dripped and machines steadily beaped in the bitter silence of the sterile room. Chuuya's eyes began to drip slaty tears down his cheeks as he squeezed Dazai's hand, waiting for the hand to squeeze back.

"Dazai? I don't know if you can hear me, but, I just wanted to say," Chuuya stuttered and paused, swallowing back additional tears. "I'm so sorry. I know I fucked up. I REALLY fucked up. Please Dazai. Please forgive me. And iff you do, I'll make sure that I never hurt you like this, ever again." Chuuya stopped as he felt a stir under his hands. He quickly looked up to Dazai's face to see the brown eyes slowly open. Chuuya gasped. "Dazai. You're okay."

"Chuuya?" Dazai's voice was hoarse from disuse. "Where am I?" He questioned and began to attempt to sit up, only to be stopped by Chuuya's hand on his shoulder.

"You're in the hospital. Kunikida and Atsushi found you in your apartment passed out from an overdose." Chuuya paused. "I was so worried."

"Why do you care? I thought you were over me." Dazai shook Chuuya's touch off of him and averted his gaze towards the window.

"No, I'm not. I know I fucked up, Dazai. And I can't possiby feel like I've apologized enough. But I'm so sorry." Chuuya pleaded.

"Chuuya I need you to go." Dazai mumbled, his voice breaking slightly. Chuuya inhaled his breath and hung his head. Standing up and placing his hat back on his head, and stepped out of the room. Holding back the tears that threatened to soak his cheeks, he walked briskly towards the elevator.

~~

Alone in his apartment that night, he sat in the same stool and drank the contents of the bar. He opened and chugged every bottle that had even the smallest amount of booze in it, numbing his brain. Holding his head in his hand, his eyes drooped from the affects of exhaustion, sadness and the alcohol. Only a few tears slid down his cheeks. After finishing a bottle of Chuuya didn't even know what, he heard a small knock on his door. He sighed and dragged himsle fover to the slab of wood. Cracking the door open, he was greeted by the sight of Kunikida.

"Kunikida? How did you get my address?" Chuuya raised an eyebrow.

"It's listed as a secondary home on Dazai's papers and he has it written in his apartmnet." Kunikida answered blatently. Chuuya could feel his the remains of his heart shatter.

"Oh."

"Speaking od Dazai, I came to inform you that he passed away today in the hospital. We'll be holding a funeral in a few days." Kunikida slipped a black piece of paper through the crack of the door. Chuuya nodded.

"Thank you." Chuuya whispered before closing and locking the door. His back slammed against the wall and he slid

down slowly, hand tightening on the little black paper. Sobs were thrown into the atmosphere as Chuuya drowned in his tears and his thoughts.

'I caused this.' Was the final thought that went through his mind before his eyes closed.

He hoped that his vision would be black for good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah I was gonna make this have a fluffly ending

Guess not

Thank you for reading!

Leave anything you want me to write in my ask box or messgaes :)

[knight-gwaine]

i keep talkin bout you bc youre my only real way of measuring my progress. you were the best and worst. yesterday or honestly whenever, i made posts along the lines of some shit like you suck ass, which ya do, but if you got your life together we could be friends or sum. but i mean. that’s a concept. what i’m realising is that every day, i’m getting further away from you. and that is a GOD DAMN BLESSING. i say all these nice things but thats for the fake fun and great version of you that exists in my head as just a comforting thought when i feel like thinking about love. but damn, i keep forgetting until i really think about it that, i literally am so fucking happy to be away. i am so happy we never have to be friends again and talk and shit. because you /seem/ cool, especially when we barely talk but if i had to actually deal with you. id rather punch myself in the god damn face. also wow it sucks that id still be down for your dick bc you be lookin like a god damn mess like eww??? i barely /actually/ see you and then when i do i realise oh yeah this b for real aint shit. like i wonder what he is actually getting done w his life. and okay, any progress is great. like if you on your own are trying. great. thats fantastic like im proud of you. everyobe works at their own pace. but in terms of me being friends w you. nah b, you lame as fuck. i aint got time for that. i have been meeting waaayy too many incredible peoole this year and have done waaay to many incredible things to be settlin for someone like you. idk dude. i see you. i hear things about you. i see the shit you do and say and i know you cant judge someone really unless you really get to know em or whatever but sometimes peoples social media and their friends can say a looooottt about them. a lot. and i do not. ever. wanna. fuck. w. you. HEEELLL NOOO.

as much as i wish for myself to never speak of you again and all that. i dont think thats going to happen for a long time. three years is a long time. even if this one seems to have lasted forever, three years is longer. and thinking back on all of it helps me realise how much ive progressed. and how much i keep progressing every day. i literally can only remember one. one. bad day. through this whole year. only one. maybe two? i remember one bad moment? but ive only ever had one bad day.

it is such a feeling. to finally. be free. all my emotions are controlled by me. i never feel depressed and alone on a cloudy quiet sunday. i never feel dreary when its pouring rain out. i never feel affected by the mundane weather. because i have done so much and i honestly will never stop. because what is the point in not trying to have fun and live your best life every moment of your life? fr that one song by anderson paak, i aint never comin down. i spent too much time bein scared and believing i was incapable and antisocial and no one likes me or whatever. but how do people get rid of their fears? you go out and face it. i feel like i can do almost anything now, im not gonna lie. like, if i really want to. because thats genuinely all it takes. if you WANT to do something, you will find a way to do it. so you will succeed. if you WANT to, even if theres everything stopping you, you find a way around it. once you realise that, nothing fucking stops you. i say this same old stuff over and over again but it just took me so long to learn and you hear about it but you never believe it. i still am amazed every day by how my life is now.

i have met some of the most phenomenal and successful people this year. i never would’ve thought first of all that they would even like me or want to talk to me but you would be damn well surprised by people’s kindness. growing up sheltered and being called annoying, dumb, and all other things, you end up believeing no one will like you its just automatic. this year, got to become friends with my favourite people that i always wanted to hang out with. i got to befriend amazing artists and photographers that are huge in my town. everyone who meets me automatically wants to be my friend. even strangers?? random people that sit next to me in class. doing leads you to meet people. and meeting people leads you to doing. its a fantastic cycle if you think about it. life is never boring. i appreciate all the small little things in my life so much more now. everything. if you arent happy with your life, find a way to make yourself happy. you arent stuck unless you give up and stop trying to change yourself. these. are the reasons why i wouldnt want you back in my life. my life is too phenomenal now. my life is too fantastic for you to be in you wouldnt fit. plus, i think im way too positive for you now. and i unapologetically love myself and every aspect of who i am now and i am constantly working on bettering me that i feel like itd just be too much? id be obnoxious to you i feel like?? and youd be boring. you would be boring. i like your interests. i love hearing what you have to say about music and movies and weird random facts but. i also dont trust you to be a good person. after all that you did too, nah. i dont need that negativity. it would be outrageous for me to believe we are connected in anyway. i hope. i mean this in all honesty with my whole being. i hope youre happy w your girl or whateva bc i want you outta mine. she better be takin fuckin care of your dumbass though i stg. i dont care when my boys get w other girls as long as i know their taken care of. vasya when he got w chelsea? immediately got over my crush for him and was happy af bc she was better than me. max, if he gets w anyone aside from cheyenne i will beat his ass. that b better fuckin be pushing you to strive for the best. she better be pushin you to realise your worth and what youre capable of and pushin you to try new things because LIFE IS TOO FUN TO NOT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. COOK SHIT TOGETHER. GO HIKE. GO DANCE. DO SHIT. GROW UP. THINK SMART.

i fr dont know what the point of this post is im really out here just writin whatever comes to mind. bc one day i’m gonna go back through all my personal posts and ill remember how my life was rn and ill be like damn. that shit was sick as fuck. life was lit as fuck. tbh i think i was just really shook by that photo of you. ive been writing gay shit bout you for a while and then i saw that and i was like OH FUCK ABORT MISSION THAT B UGLY AS HELL AND HAS NO LIFE BACK OUT BACK OUT and now im here. straight shook. yeah. i dont want you in my life. my life is way better without you. i really am an unstoppable force right now. school is a motherfuckin one. friends are fucking precious and successful amazing wholesome human beings that are also out here doin the motherfuckin most im so proud i love all my friends we are all such successful people with amazing futures ahead of us god im so proud im 😭😭😭 we really out here chasin our dreams n shit. aND SUCCEEDIN. and money situation is L I T. ya baby’s got a fine ass mercedes w the best dad in the world getting me AUTOSTART for this cold winter???? ya baby be workin out and doin yoga everyday, abs comin in HOT. ya gurl developin as an artist with her dream school hittin her the FUCK up for her portfolio?? i am a for real artist now but i refuse to realise my big stuff. only sketches for now, dear world. the public eye doesnt need to see me as an artist yet. no. because they always will bc its always me. but no. i gotta act chill. this isnt the artist years of your life yet. you aint settled down yet no. now is time for fun, life, school, that grind 😤😤, and ecology. BE THAT SICK ASS SCIENTIST BITCH. BE SMART AS FUCK AND SAVE THE EARTH.

2017 got three more months left. i already know that im gonna have the funnest fucking time. fam is leavin for xmas and my sister’s moving out?? ff got house parties like wild?? EVERY MONTH??? northern lights are comin out??? you dont have to wake up early for school so you can go chase them??? A N D YOU HAVE A BUNCHA FRIENDS NOW TO GO WITH??? AND WINTER IS COMING SO THERES GONNA BE MORE EVENTS INSIDE TO GO TO??? AND MEET PEOPLE?? AND YA GETTIN MORE HIGHER PAYING JOBS WITH HELLA TIPS??? YES. i said i was gonna make 2017 my bitch. boy the fuck did i and i am gonna end it with a muthafuckin bang.