#when it apparently was not supposed to be ambiguous....?? is. a bit of a L. imo. sorry.

[blorb-el]

spoilery research question for people who have read supergirl woman of tomorrow. I have read tom king's answer on this/the intended interpretation, but my read of the artwork was the opposite and now I'm wondering if other people thought the same way.

Page in question for reference under the cut

(the yellow panels are NOT describing what is happening, they're part of the meta-narrative which is revealed to be a falsified account. I'm talking about the interpretation PURELY of the artwork. also in the preceding panel he looks like he's... 80+ years old)

[vivianweasley]

Someone Better (Chapter 2)

Summary: Your friend invited you to a Hogwarts alumni blind date dinner party. She paired you with someone that looked like your ex boyfriend Draco, but what if the one you truly wanted was sitting at the other table?

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader, Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2K

Warnings: creepy guy (OC) being handsy, poor writing.

A/N: I guess you don’t really have to read the previous parts to read this? One part left! Hope you guys would like it:)

Prologue  Chapter 1  Epilogue

Please do NOT repost my work or translate it on another site without permission! Thank you! Reblogs and comments are always welcomed:)

It was a week before Christmas and your old Hogwarts friend, Lexie, came to visit you. But somehow she was shocked to learn that you were still single.

“Merlin, Y/N! You’ve been single for what? Three years now?” Lexie realized she was shouting since everyone in the book shop was glaring at her now. She lowered her voice, “Please tell me you’re already over Malfoy.”

“I am. It’s just that...I haven’t met anyone yet.” You came up with the most ambiguous excuse ever.

“Yea obviously! You’re not going to meet anyone if you keep hiding in this little book shop.”

“That’s not true,” you whispered. A particular face appeared in your mind, but you decided not to tell Lexie about it.

“Oh right! I’m arranging a blind date dinner party this Saturday at the Three Broomsticks. You have to come!”

“But I...”

“There’s not but! Don’t worry, it’s for Hogwarts alumni, so you probably know most of them already. And I will assign everyone a date! You have to show up, or else I’ll come kidnap you!”

You knew Lexie was just trying to help, even though her approach was a little bit forceful. But you reckon it’s not going to hurt, just think of it as a chance to meet new friends.

“Fine, I’ll go. Please don’t come kidnap me.”

Saturday, you actually took the time to clean up yourself. You did your makeup and put on a blue dress. 

To be honest, you couldn’t even remember when was the last time you dressed up like this. Was it when you were having dinner at Malfoy Manor on Christmas Eve when you were 16? Or was it the Yule ball?

“Y/N! You showed up!” Lexie dragged you to their table as soon as you entered the Three Broomsticks.

“This is Ralph Burke. You were in the same year.”

The man before you was pale and skinny. He was wearing a suit and his hair was styled neatly. For some reasons, you found him really familiar, but you couldn’t figure out where have you seen him before. So you just supposed that you two must have had the same class before.

“Nice to meet you. I’m (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N).” You held out your hand, but he took your hand and kissed the back of it. The unexpected intimacy froze you. You pulled your hand back stiffly, not knowing how to react.

Lexie was nowhere to be found now, so you just sat beside Burke awkwardly. You glanced around and saw Lee Jordan was also here. He looked uneasy too and he was looking around, possibly waiting for someone. 

Lee was Fred’s friend so you knew each other. You wanted to walk over to his table and chat with him instead, but Burke began talking, “So Y/N, where do you work?”

You couldn’t help but furrowed your brow a bit. Since when were you two on first-name basis now?

“I’m working at Flourish and Blotts.”

“Why would a girl like you work at a place like that? It’s a waste of your talent. Look, I know some people in the Ministry. I could introduce you to them.”

“Thank you, bu I...”

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed. My position in the Ministry is actually pretty decent and I know many people from ‘up there’...” And he went on ranting about how successful he was, but your attention was soon captured by a familiar figure walking into the Three Broomsticks and towards your table.

So Fred was the person that Lee was waiting for! 

He saw you too and you could see he was surprised. You waved at him and decided to just ignore Burke and go sit with Fred. But Lexie’s voice pushed you back to your seat again.

“Brilliant! Everyone is here now! So I assume you already knew, the person sitting next to you is your date tonight! Please don’t swap dates since I spent ages picking them specifically for each one of you! And please do me a favor. At least give me two couples tonight, alright?”

Everyone was laughing along, but you could only produce a forced laugh. Why would she pair you with someone like this? What exactly was going on in Lexie’s brain?

Much to your dismay, you listened to Burke bragging about how brilliant he was for the entire night. But you found yourself keep glancing at Fred. His date tonight was Hannah Abbott and he was making her laugh. It seemed like they were having a good time. 

You hated to admit it, but you were jealous. It seemed like he could chat and flirt with anyone and make them laugh so effortlessly. Was Fred like this to everyone? So you weren’t special?

You didn’t even have time to process what’s the meaning behind your thoughts, but Burke’s hand already snaked around your waist.

You were stunned by the touch and tried to back away from him.

“Oh sweetheart, don’t pretend like you don’t like it,” he was clearly drunk, “We both know I’m just your type.”

You froze. You finally realized why you felt like you’ve seen him before. He was trying to imitate Draco all along and he was doing it since when you were still at Hogwarts. Draco used to complain about him before, but you thought he was just pathetic and told Draco to just let him be.

“I’m so much better than Draco Malfoy! Why can’t I get his girl?” He was inching closer and closer to you. You were trying to back away from him, but he was gripping tightly on your arm. 

“Mate, back off from my girl!” Burke was suddenly dragged off of the seat and thrown to the floor by someone.

It was Fred! 

You ran to hug him, possibly smashing your face into his chest.Your brain was flooded by a mixture of anger, terror, and distress. It was as if the nightmares from your last two years at Hogwarts came back. You were trembling and you finally started to cry. But Fred hugged you back and whispered comforting words in your ear.

You couldn’t hear the crowd and Burke’s wailing anymore. All you could hear was Fred whispering softly, “Do you want to get out of here?”

You nodded and hugged him tighter.

The noise in the Three Broomsticks disappeared. Fred apparated the both of you into his apartment above the joke shop.

Fred led you to the couch in front of the fireplace and wrapped you around with a blanket.

He was about to go to the kitchen to pour you a cup of warm tea, but you were holding on the hem of his jumper, “Can you...can you stay with me for a while?”

Fred nodded and sat beside you on the couch. You rested your head on his shoulder. Fred was going to wrap his arm around your shoulders, but then he realized that someone was just harassing you. He didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, so he just rested his arm on the couch instead.

You both remained silent for a while. The only sound you could hear was the crackling fire in this silent apartment. 

“So, why were you there?” Fred finally spoke.

“Why were you there?” 

“Lee dragged me there.”

“Lexie dragged me there.”

Fred chuckled, “Guess we are the same then.”

“Fred?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for saving me today,” you said softly, without looking at him. The scene of him saving you was playing on repeat in your mind. And Merlin, the words he said were also making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy. You lowered your head more, praying that he wouldn’t see you blushing.

“No worries.” He joked, “But seriously though, what was your friend thinking pairing you with a git like that?”

“Maybe cuz she thought I still fancy that type. You know, someone like Draco or whatever.”

This was probably the first time that Fred ever heard you mention Draco’s name.

“So you don’t fancy that type anymore?” Fred was nervous when he asked this question. He felt his heart was going to pop out of his chest at any minute.

“No I don’t.” 

Fred sighed in relief, “That’s brilliant! I mean..I just want to say that...it’s good to look forward! Anyways, where are you staying for Christmas? I can send you a Christmas present.”

Fred’s reaction made you smile. “You are going to give me a present? What is it? Give me a hint!”

You were really excited. You looked at Fred with anticipation lighting up your eyes. The fire in front casted a soft glow on your face and Fred could see the speckles in your eyes now. He was simply lost in your eyes. For a moment, he thought he must be drunk, or what else could possibly be clouding his senses right now?

“Haven’t made up my mind yet. What present do you want for Christmas?”

“You.”

Yep, Fred was pretty sure he was definitely drunk now, “What?”

You didn’t know when did you became so bloody brave. Maybe it was because of the festive atmosphere. Maybe it was because you still couldn’t think straight from the unpleasant incident that happened just now. 

You took a deep breath and began, “Maybe I read everything wrong. Maybe you helped me only because you are a nice person. Maybe you were just talking rubbish when you called me ‘your girl’. But screw that. I fancy you Fred, for quite a while now. So if you really want to give me what I want for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is you.”

Fred was speechless for a while.

During the one or two minutes that he remained silent, you felt like an absolute idiot. Great, now Fred must feel awkward and is probably thinking about how to turn you down politely. 

What should you do? Pretend that you were just talking nonsense because you were drunk? Or should you just disapparate? This seemed like a nice idea. It is fast and you don’t have to explain anything.

You reached for your wand, but when you were about to say the spell, you heard Fred say, “I fancy you too.”

Now it felt strange hearing an affirmative answer. Your eyes widened and you were just staring at him while still holding your wand.

Fred chuckled, “Does it mean that I don’t need mistletoes to kiss you now?”

You finally let out a laugh. You nodded and he pulled you closer. When your lips were pressed together, you thought this was probably the best Christmas present you could get.

“Fred,” you were cuddling on the couch now with your head resting on his chest. “Do you know why I never mention anything about Draco?”

“Merlin, you just said you fancy me a few minutes ago and you are already talking about your ex boyfriend?”

You slapped him on his arm jokingly, “I didn’t talk about him not because I was still not over him, but because I was scared to talk about anything that happened during my last two years at Hogwarts. But I think I’m getting better now. I think I can finally begin to talk about those years now.”

He ran his fingers through your hair and he kissed your hairline, “That’s all in the past now. We can make new memories from now on.”

You smiled and closed your eyes. You were always worrying about your future and torturing yourself with your past, but right now, you were just living in this moment. His embrace was so secure and comfortable, you couldn’t help but slipped into a peaceful slumber. It has been a while since you last fell asleep so easily.

[bigskydreaming]

remember when devin grayson wrote about green arrow flirting with teenager dick grayson and then bruce and dick have an incestuous relationship............................

Listen, I have no idea what this ask says, I just see a string of random letters followed by dot dot dot. 

In completely unrelated matters, the only dynamic between Dick and Ollie I abide by is one where the nicest thing Dick’s ever said to Ollie is something like “hey why does your face look like you killed a squirrel and glued it to your chin, is that what you were going for or do people just not like you and so nobody ever told you til now that that’s what it looks like.”

And even there, that’s still just the best Dick could manage (or was willing to even aim for) after Bruce gave Dick a totally and one hundred percent genuine and sincere Talking To about how he needed to be more polite to Ollie. Cuz the way I envision it, all that’s after Dick initially opened with something like, idk, “hey wanna hear a funny joke, it goes “what do you call a known Errol Flynn fanboy who thinks putting on a domino mask when he fights crime with a bow and arrow like, magically makes his goatee invisible? A dumbass who doesn’t get how secret identities work, that’s what. Get it, its you, you’re the joke.”

LOL for the record, I don’t actually hate Ollie and have no really strong opinions on him one way or another, it usually just depends on how he’s being written in whatever story or issue I’m reading with him. Its just canon that Ollie is like, one of the few people that Dick just openly can not stand, pretty much, with this stretching back far enough that personally, I like to headcanon it goes all the way back to even before Ollie took Roy in and has absolutely nothing to do with Roy whatsoever.

Idk, its just really fucking funny to me to picture that like, for whatever reason, ten year old Dick Grayson decided upon meeting the Justice League that they were all awesome except for Oliver Queen. Dick doesn’t know why, he doesn’t care why, he just knows that like, “I do not care for that Oliver Queen guy, not one bit, and no, I am not open to constructive criticism on this matter, UGH BRUCE STOP TELLING ME I SHOULD AT LEAST TRY AND BE NICER TO HIM, I SAID HE WAS A BUTTFACE AND I MEANT IT, WHERE’S THE CONFUSION.”

Because see, while Ollie is not Actually The Worst, he IS one of the League heroes who is prideful and petty enough to like, absolutely take offense to someone hating his guts for no discernible reason, while considering this more than reason enough to hate their guts right back. Even if that particular someone happens to have both miles and years left to go before they hit either puberty or the top side of five feet tall, and thus in the meanwhile, Ollie must literally lower himself in every sense of the word in order to return fire at his pint-sized and prepubescent critic.

Like, if Dick for whatever reason decided he just doesn’t like Superman or the Flash and he’s not gonna and you can’t make him, then I mean, Clark or Barry or someone else along those lines would just be like, oh, okay, that’s fair I guess. No, its totally fine Bruce, the adorable little human incarnation of glitter, cotton candy and all things Cute and Precious and Wee that you just took in is allowed to hate me if he wants to, its absolutely *wheezing sob* not a big deal. I’m a big boy, I don’t need you to intercede on my behalf with him. Now if anyone needs me, I’ll be wallowing in my room for the next 84 years, trying to figure out if I was some kind of monstrous puppy-kicker in a previous lifetime and that’s why my fate here in this one is to be despised by a ten year old with the superpower of Absolute Preciousness. Its my punishment, clearly, for being just the worst kind of monster to ever exist, the only kind that could actually be hated by someone like your adorable little Fun-Sized sidekick of joy and sunshine and l-l-laughter......no, don’t look at me, I’m hideous! *bursts into tears and scurries away to hide from the light*

But see now, Ollie, on the other hand, like.....he’s not a monster but he’s not about to let even some paragon of preciousness go around painting him as one. Why the fuck does he spend so much money on publicists if he’s just gonna roll over belly-side up the first time one of the people bad-mouthing him just happens to be like, a toddler instead of the usual TMZ?

So Ollie’s not about to admit that he’s actually miffed and even a little bit wounded that this cherub who seems to like even most supervillains more than he likes Ollie, just like, can not seem to be in his presence longer than sixty seconds before drawing his weapons and stabbing Ollie with words that hurt, dammit, because he has feelings too, y’know, he spent a lot of money on pricey therapists figuring out that yes, those are feelings he’s feeling and he can even name some of them.....

Like, he’s not quite on board with actually ACKNOWLEDGING that hey this stings, and that he really just wants to know what the hell this kid’s deal is and why don’t you like me, tiny human, what did I ever even do to you??? But all of that is like......Advanced Level Therapy stuff that he hasn’t quite gotten around to finishing yet at this point in time. Like yeah he’s already dropped a mint on the A-list of the head-shrinking world by now, but apparently he was supposed to keep coming back or something like that, they all keep making a really big deal about that for some reason, and look, he’s been busy. So he really just hasn’t had the time to finish up the course on How To Make Peace With the Fact That Sometimes Tiny Humans Don’t Like Me Even Though I’m A Fucking Delight, Dammit.

But even if the why of this kid getting under his skin so much eludes him for the nonce, Ollie is perfectly clear on one thing: he doesn’t typically go around making enemies of the twelve and under set, but if you prick him, he doth in fact bleed, you little prick. So if this knee-high nightmare is gonna keep coming at me and trying to start shit, then I am more than willing to throw down, is basically Ollie’s take here. 

“He wants to dance? Then c’mon, let’s do this thing. We can dance if he wants to. I’ve got the time,” Ollie says to himself and any other nearby Justice Leaguer who might be looking at him with that swiftly-becoming-familiar expression of mingled judgment, pity, exasperation and something a bit more ambiguous but which probably lands somewhere in the ballpark of “We honestly don’t know what to make of all of this but we’re all a little concerned This Is Not A Good Look, Bro. And also, we would like to formally request by way of this petition with all 200+ signatures of Leaguers and auxiliary members and support staff: please don’t escalate this into something where Batman might actually kill you, because that’s definitely not gonna make any of this less awkward for the rest of us, and uh....not to be indelicate here, but all those times we’ve all said things like no Ollie, we don’t think Bruce is a better fighter than you and we absolutely agree with you, you could totally maybe take him in a fair fight if you had your bow and arrows on you and he had the flu probably.....like. Umm. How to put this....Okay, soooooo....here’s the thing. There may, perhaps, ever so slightly be a possibility slash definite hardcore certainty that there were fib-like qualities to those conversations. A little bit. Oh hey, look at the time, we gotta run, there’s a fire somewhere, hopefully. Lol wait whoops did we say hopefully, that’s so weird like where did that even come from. We definitely meant to say probably. There’s a fire somewhere, probably."

But look, at the end of the day, the thing is, Headcanon Ollie is not like, proud of any of this, but he’s not unproud of it either. He is hashtag justified and he wouold appreciate some validation of that Ugly Truth, even if it might go against the grain and not ever exactly be a POPULAR opinion with the “please don’t tell the ten year old that nuh uh, his face looks like a hairy butthole, nobody wins there, that is not the victory you are looking for” crowd.

Honestly though, at this point Ollie’s list of Big Asks is quite small. Miniscule, even. All he wants, all he really really wants, is for someone, anyone, to join him in grasping the one essential corn kernel at the heart of this whole clusterfuck. The thing that nobody but Ollie seems to get and that Ollie’s pretty sure would be enough to allow him to die happily, if he could just manage to find one other person to sign on to the one single extremely obvious observation he keeps trying to point out to everyone, with a whole lot of nada to show for it:

Because see, the one thing about all of this that drives Ollie just absolutely up a wall, is that for some reason he can’t seem to get anyone to understand that like.....this whoooooole ridiculous mess, just like, even in terms of its very existence in the first place?

None of it is Ollie’s fault.

Dick started it!

Mere moments after frustratedly trying to convey this to Dinah for the umpteenth million bajillionth time:

“Okay, could you at least say something?” Ollie asked exasperatedly. “Anything? Seriously, I would take you counting to ten in Cantonese as an acceptable response at this point.”

“I’m just trying to decide which concerns me more,” Dinah said at last. Several epochs and the equivalent of the entire Jurassic Period later. But whatever, its not like Ollie was holding his breath at this point or anything. “The fact that you are genuinely trying to find and occupy the moral high ground in your feud with....a ten year old. Or that you actually think you’ve found it. That this is it, this is what that looks like. ‘The ten year old started it.’”

That was apparently all Dinah had to say. She fell silent again, and said silence lingered through a recreation of now the entire Cretaceous Period, before continuing into a revival of the whole Paleozoic Era from start to torturous finish.

“Well?” Ollie said with a patience that belied the urgency of the many pressing matters he had to attend to. Like the vanquishing of a ten year old archnemesis most foul.

Dinah just continued to frown pensively.

“Hang on, I’m still deciding.”

[umishiqu]

Scarabia chapter is over and I’m screaming at everything rn hold on-

(sorry if I’m stuffing this rant down anyone’s throat, because I’m realizing people get annoyed with it and I’m sorry but,, scarabia brainrot ;;;...)

(spoilers for chapter 4 under the cut!)

Sad there’s no magic carpet :,( but oasis maker saves the day!! Still mysterious as ever as to why oasis maker is called a blessing other than um. Being a blessing to the Country of Hot Sands. But yes Azul enjoys it! (if you wanna hear me rant about oasis maker pwease dm cause I,, now have some thoughts and I can’t keep my mouth shut ;;...)

Also no mention of kidnapping happenings or poisoning in post-OB backstory but that means slow burn character development for Kalim possibly later on, so I’ll take it

Also Kalim’s guilt kills me on the inside :,,( guy says that he has anemia, but I’m wondering if that’s acc just Jamil giving him an excuse for his hypnosis. Mainly cause he himself says that he’s not bad at PE, which he really would be bad at PE if he really did have anemia,, but the anemia could explain a lot other things, other than that little tidbit,, either way, that means, again, slow burn character development! (But just,, his voice wavers, and how he says that Jamil can have the dorm leader position and Kalim will just go home is just,, Jamil you couldn’t talk to Kalim at all about this? Really?)

And scarabia duo is still killing me on the inside :,,,( Jamil wanted revenge cause of how he had to be below Kalim all the time and couldn’t objectify his hate to anyone but Kalim, but he also couldn’t sincerely hate Kalim for everything he is esp. when he’s the one who’s been encouraging him at all, all their time together. Jamil also loves his family apparently but in the way that he doesn’t like what they make him do but he also realizes that his parents are in the same position as him (hence why he screams, in his fit of anger, how he’s gonna free both him and his family). The only other person I can see that he personally hates but has to deal with is Crowley. I literally just see Jamil as a stubborn, kind of selfish tsundere,, Do I like Jamil more than I did before? I mean a lot of what I personally thought about him (not standing out so that Kalim is above him, having to adhere to tradition and such) was basically confirmed with the recent chapter.

But coming personally on my thoughts on Jamil cause he’s a contradictory character rn in the discord,, he is really really easy to sympathize and relate with, esp if you compare him to the less-realistic-outlook-on-life Kalim from Scarabia. And Kalim’s banquet fevers aren’t easy to deal with. My younger brother who gets more credit than me in,, literally everything drags me to play around on electronics sometimes and usually I just wanna sleep, but I can’t and usually just l just give up when playing with him cause I should look like he’s winning (fun thing is that he’s 2 1/2 years younger than me, and also a lot taller than me). I have to let him throw punches at me and when I do one little thing like tell him to stop, it’s into the dark room with me. So I can appreciate Jamil’s stubbornness for his plans and ideals to overthrow Kalim, esp cause I was more or less conditioned to be helpful to other people. Not that I’m complaining because beig helpful to others is something that I’ve noticed rewards you in a good way,,

With all that being said,, the way he acted and went about with this crossed a lot of lines. At first, I thought the reason why he would hypnotize Kalim so that Jamil could become dorm leader + the other stuff mentioned above is so that Kalim can be seen as having a personality/morale worse than him. Or at least, less cheerful. But then Jamil goes in and with Kalim’s happy personality, cheers up everyone and helps them wth their troubles while in the oasis. And I’m here and I’m just,, if you hate him for that personality so much why do something like that?? (He can’t admit that’s what people acc like about Kalim, and he decides to take one of his few positive qualities that gets people attached to Kalim and just,, wreck it. I was,, very very mad, but I didn’t rant about it cause I knew I’d yell unreasonably in the discord chat.) Revealed at the end, Jamil literally doesn’t want to be friends with anyone and I’m just,, sigh. And also,, the students only agreed with Jamil that Kalim was an incompetent dorm leader after Jamil hypnotized Kalim into doing all those things, not before. Before? They acc loved Kalim because of how kind and gentle and thoughtful he was to others, even though he can be kind of hopeless and random and a bit irresponsible to them sometimes. And these were all qualities that Jamil apparently hated, not because they were anything bad that’s supposed to be a front for secretly mocking everyone, but because he personally was confused as to why Kalim’s so freakin carefree as a character when Jamil himself isn’t. (As Azul said, it’s very easy for people to become envious of Kalim, and that’s already confirmed with how quickly the Scarabia dormmates’ opinion changed of Kalim after he takes them out to march to the oasis and after Jamil keeps mentioning the Asim family.)

Jamil’s had 17 years to harbour resentment against Kalim, but he’s also had 17 years to truthfully bond with Kalim, which he decided not to do because again. Stubborn. That’s why I can’t really say that Jamil’s just made one mistake (which was the entirety of scarabia chapter), especially the little hint drop that Jamil’s been hypnotizing Kalim even while they were younger and used anemia as an excuse for Kalim’s drowsiness. Anyway, the fact that Jamil’s been the one teaching Kalim magic, but even he didn’t know Kalim could summon a river and was genuinely surprised for a bit says a lot about how much of Kalim he can’t read, which he also mentions in his personal stories that Kalim is unpredictable. And fact is that Kalim can read Jamil’s emotions like an open-book, but couldn’t connect the dots until after he realizes how much Jamil’s hated him says something too. And when I say “realizes”, I mean “chooses not to ignore” how much Jamil’s hated him. Like,, it’s not like Jamil sleep-talked his backstory to Kalim while he’s passed out. Nor does anyone acc see the backstory except for the viewers + Jamil. And this can explain why Kalim didn’t really change how he interacts with Jamil at the end, if he knew the hate was coming but just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Then again, he does have limitless optimism here so there’s that.

But,, we’re talking about the only person Kalim’s ever trusted at all, betraying him and going off in one of the worse ways possible. I’m with the tweels here, I’m a bit mad because after what Jamil did, Kalim had no excuse to not get angry with him. He didn’t even get to punch him smh, but he did call him traitor so babey steps. Octavinelle teaching Kalim to be a little more harsher has me very very happy. (But miscommunication is strong in Scarabia, and with slow burn character development, I can see Kalim getting gradually more and more self-destructive poison anyone? chapter 5? and internally cynical and Jamil gradually regretting the time lost between them because, also according to the end of Scarabia, he doesn’t really mind an optimistic Kalim because like Kalim only had Jamil, Jamil really only has Kalim now after the tomfoolery he pulled in this chapter.)

So do I like Jamil more now than I did before? Kind of,. I had hopes for Scarabia (I’m sure a lot of people did with all the hyper analysis we did :p) But,, Jamil literally just got me angry this whole chapter. The backstory was nice, and Kalim praising Jamil and Jamil telling Kalim to stop (the way he screams ;;..) everytime gets me going. But esp with that piece of information, hating and blaming Kalim over something neither of them could change just,, recked them both. I can’t blame Jamil for building up resentment, but I can’t blame Kalim either for wanting to believe they were friends because he was trying to make the most out of their situation. Until Kalim realized the only way to do that was to just tell Jamil to stop being his servant and start off as equals to be true friends now. To which Jamil says no to the second notion profusely, but he also implies he’d rather be with Kalim than wth Azul, so. No more master/servant dynamics. And the ending was written off so sloppily but I think it was supposed to leave Jamil’s true feelings about Kalim end off on an ambiguous note imo. Again, sloppy, but sure.

Kalijami/Jamikali just seems really really toxic to me now, and I figured it would end up like that which is why I ended up reading other Scarabia ships (very into flokali and kaliver rn :p). I don’t usually see Japanese media fleshing out happy characters all too much, but with Kalim as literal Scarabia poster boy even tho he doesn’t represent the villain, I can see what direction they’ll take to develop Kalim now. Hopefully not how they developed Soma. (Ofc I wanted overblot!Kalim but,, I’m personally glad they didn’t do it rn, y’know? And the fact that we didn’t get introduced to an RSA counterpart for Scarabia at all has me,, thinking some things now...)

...dm if you want me to rant about oasis maker and rsa cause please I need to feed someone ;0;

[rhotanored]

A Deal

Who: A’mariss Renahg (mentions of Nazyl Tharazyl, Tynos Riller) Where: Ambiguous Ul’dahn dwelling (?) When: Several moons earlier... What: On what she assumes will be just another hunting gig, A’mariss runs afoul of some demons; new and familiar...? Why: RP shenanigans resulted in some characters being separated for an extended period of time almost immediately after some Heavy Shit, and I’ve been wanting to write some bits and pieces of Meanwhile... (and also lay some plot hooks for an eventual arc). Warnings: Some creepiness, a wee bit of implied body horror, some violence, angsty introspection.

     A'mariss was beginning to wonder if a large part of the blame for the proliferation of Voidsent shouldn't fall on the shoulders of those foolhardy enough to summon them for--of all things--entertainment. This was not the first time in the first few moons following her impromptu position as the only active hunter at Heaven Can Wait that she'd found herself in the extravagant foyer of one of the well-to-do under the pretense they'd found themselves with a certain-kind-of-mess that required her very specific skill-set.

    Or Nazyl's, she thought (and not without a grimace that belied yet how fresh the wound of his absence is, though it's swiftly masked), but she can no longer deny that word of mouth concerning her own successful hunts had been making the rounds, much to her chagrin. Still, that she had been asked for by name had come as a surprise, and she wasn't certain it was a welcome one. While it was true she'd undertaken the hunt of Voidsent as a way to find purpose again (in brief; there was a tangled, complicated knot of feelings tied up in her motivations), she wasn't sure she wanted the particular kind of infamy that came along with supposed-expertise in the field.

    Exhaling quietly into the empty hall, A'mariss decided that was quite enough introspection. She'd been kept waiting for nearly half a bell, with nary a sign of life following the singular attendant that had seen her in; a steely-eyed Lalafell of little patience and fewer words, particularly after she'd announced the reason for her visit. A gently folded missive was still clutched in one hand, which she'd used as proof of intent, and her pallid green gaze lowered to the broken signet that had served to seal the letter in wax; an iron trellis overgrown by thorny vines.

    It was not unlike the one she’d passed under on her way through the front gates; she’d been rather taken aback to see such an attempt at greenery cultivated within Ul’dah--attempt, she’d thought, as it had been rather unsuccessful. The garden, while designed with all manner of intricate stonework, full plant beds, and what may have been a try at topiary art were all either dead or dying. The fountain that stood as a centerpiece in copper was green and black, weathered with age and abraded from the desert storms that inevitably blew sandy detritus into the city proper, regardless of how well its denizens attempted to sweep.

    Dark sand had gathered in every unattended corner and filled every crack in the grimy cobblestones that laid the path towards the manor, and A’mariss had felt a chill crawl down her spine as she’d waited on the doorstep, shrouded in the shadow of the house darker than what she would have expected from that time of day.

    She shook her head briefly, frowning as she likewise shook off her reflections of what had brought her to this manse with another glance at the missive in her hand.

To My Most Esteemed Huntress, the letter began in a thick, practiced script.

While under normal circumstances, were I you receiving such a letter, would I find myself most unimpressed by a request such as mine being made only by missive. Nevertheless, I must needs extend to you an invitation to join me at my estate. Directions have been provided to your Namazu attendant under the strictest of confidence. 

Pray understand I desire nothing more than to explain all the sordid details of my predicament, but it must be done face to face. Trust that it is explicitly your skills— nay, you, A’mariss, that I have need of.

I await your arrival.

    There was a signature beneath the final line, one practiced and as presentably illegible as A’mariss imagined most intricate signatures were--but she hadn’t been able to make heads or tails of the name it represented. True to the details within the missive, however, Gyosho had been given directions--and that was all. The Namazu could hardly recollect who had handed over the missive (one of the tall races, which meant little) where he had retained the instructions perfectly, which A’mariss found increasingly suspect the longer she waited in the gloomy lobby.

    Just as she reached the limits of her patience (she’d also begun to reconsider coming at all; reflecting on all that had transpired to bring her here made her acknowledge the niggling uncertainty clawing at the back of her mind) and rose to her feet to make for the heavy wood doors through which she’d entered, she heard a long, low, creaaak towards the other end. Another door--one she hadn’t noticed before and certainly not the same that the Lalafellin attendant had vanished through earlier--swung open. A frown tugged on her lips as her ears flattened against her hair when it appeared, after a long moment of waiting, that there was no one on the other side.

    That was when she felt it; the subtle tug of Calling, like something had hooked itself beneath her sternum and began to pull. The strength of it startled her, and the sensation left her breathless. It wasn’t quite the first time she’d felt it since she’d aided the others in their defeat of Gamigin, but every time it had manifested since, it seemed more, somehow. Now, it pulled her straight towards the door that now stood open, and more than that, towards whatever--whoever--lay beyond it. 

    At first A’mariss resisted, swallowing uncomfortably as her gaze fell on her exit out of the estate, but she felt the scraping within her chest becoming more insistent, causing her to suck in a breath to steel herself, and her hand tightened on the missive under her grasp.

    Beneath her grip, the letter--suddenly dry and brittle as though it had aged through the cycles--crumbled to little more than a pile of dust, fluttering in ashy shards of parchment to the carpet at her feet. The two halves of the wax signet bounced off the polished wood floor, each vanishing in wisps of reddish smoke.

    Hells, she thought, tearing her gaze from the floor back to where the door stood open, and a more insistent pull clawed across her ribs. She reached an arm back to brush along the haft of the Lanetli Arzu that rested across her shoulder, and while the bow offered no noticeable response, she was comforted by its familiar presence.

    Against her better judgment, but unable to deny the Call, A’mariss approached the open door, peering down the long, shadowed corridor beyond. Motes of dust were caught in dull, narrow streams of daylight that squeezed through the tattered remnants of heavy, moldering drapes. The wooden flooring beneath her feet creaked and groaned as she crossed the threshold into the hallway, leaving obvious footsteps through layers of undisturbed dirt and dust that layered over old, ratty carpeting and hardwood both.

    She felt distinctly like an intruder, here, despite the apparent invitation. Conveniently, as it was wont to do, the tug behind her sternum had grown still, leaving A’mariss to flounder in determining its true purpose. Each step carried her further into the hallway, passing heavy wooden door after heavy wooden door as she went, each lined with a bizarre array of locks, bolts, chains and knobs randomly placed from top to bottom. She reached for one of the wrought iron handles, but it was unyielding in her grip. She couldn’t even get the door to rattle against its frame.

    A thunderous--BANG!--from behind her made her yelp, the strangled sound the only thing that made its way out of her throat where her heart had leapt. The door she’d come through had apparently slammed behind her, manhandled by some unseen force--and something skittered into the shadows at the edges of her periphery. She whirled to track it, but other than the soft motes of dust dancing in lazy circles between shards of muted daylight, she saw no movement from one end of the hall to the murky shadows at the other.

    “Show yourself!” She demanded, her voice carrying the weight of her command without an onze of the fear that fluttered in her breast, and a flicker of pride momentarily outweighed it. This was nothing she hadn’t faced before. Gamigin had thrown at her the worst horrors of her life--so far, her thoughts whispered--and she would stand and face whatever haunted this particular manor. Nothing answered her, however, save her heartbeat pounding in her ears, and an oppressive silence. Though there were windows, no sound from the streets presumably beyond reached her, here.

    Having held her breath and strained to make out any additional noise to no avail, A’mariss exhaled slowly, her gaze trailing down into the deeper gloom at the opposite end of the hallway where she thought she’d seen that shadowy apparition vanish. With the way back now closed (and her with no desire to confirm her suspicions that she’d been trapped, if only for the sake of her nerves), she began to make her way in the only directly left to her.

    The source of the additional shadows, she discovered, were far more mundane than she’d anticipated; a heavy, velvet drapery hung across the open threshold. Pieces of the fabric crumbled under her touch as she tried to brush it aside, and a heavy chunk simply collapsed at her feet into a plume of moldy spores and dust. She reeled back, one hand clasping over her mouth and nose in an effort to spare her lungs the threat, but she’d already inhaled a cloying breath in her surprise. She coughed, wrinkling her nose as she stepped over the fallen curtain and used her other hand to brush aside some low-hanging cobwebs, only to stop abruptly as she nearly bumped straight into the Lalafellin butler that had left her in the lobby earlier.

    ...Only now, he wore a horrifyingly familiar jester’s get-up.

    Then, in an erratic flicker, he was gone. If the apparition hadn’t been enough to make her heart leap back into her throat, the sudden raucous cacophony of a discordant organ being played jubilantly from the stage at the far end of the room was. It was also enough to make her anger overtake her fear.

    Finally, her hands flew back to draw her bow and nock one of her arrows in a single fluid motion, letting fly one in a streak of brilliance towards the noise; the pipes she struck jangled in a final, agonizing note as a jagged screech of laughter echoed through the room. Her ears swiveled and flicked to-and-fro in an attempt to track it, though she had an inkling it was fruitless; mundane senses would not avail her here.

    “Show yourself!” She demanded for the second time this evening, and the laughter quieted into a thoughtful hum.

    The dim, natural light across the open, dilapidated ballroom (heavily curtained with ratty drapes and alight with dusty motes much like the hallway that had led here) darkened with shadows encroaching from every corner of the room, growing like a heavy fog. All at once the room brightened suddenly, as several massive chandeliers dangling from the ceiling ignited with purple flames--and abruptly extinguished, plunging the room into full, absolute pitch.

    But not before the afterimage of a rotting white mask had teased across her vision.

    Baring her teeth, A’mariss drew back the Lanetli Arzu and conjured another of her radiant arrows, which only served to illuminate her; it was as though she stood in a black void, without form or direction. She could feel the cracked marble tile of the ballroom’s flooring beneath her feet, however, so she knew she hadn’t been moved anywhere. Unless the illusion was far more elaborate than she thought, at any rate.

    “Enough! Gamigin is destroyed, by mine hand and others’. His false visage holds no power over me now, just as it held no power over me when we slew him,” she growls, steeling herself with the memory of Yuyuta’s incinerating blow.

    “So confident,” a voice whispers at her ear, and she whirls in that direction, pointing her bow into the unchanging blackness.

    “Ş̷͍̲̻̒̂ó̵͖͓̉̏ certain,̸̫͋̌̈͝ͅ” it says again, from over her other shoulder, and her reflexes fire her nocked arrow. It cuts through the darkness, revealing a sliver of the ballroom beyond before the shadows swallow it again.

    “S̸̛̈́̌̃͊̀̔͘õ̷̸̝̭̍̒̏̔̓̈́̇̕ un̶͚͗̑̿a̶͚̘̬̠̎̒̀͒͆͐͂̀̋sh̸̲̤͉̭̼͉̗̿́̎́̇͑̓̀̿͘͜ͅa̸̠̠͙͋͌͌̏͆̄͑̃̔͗͘m̵̠͉͍͛͑͊͛͑̎̀͑͐͠ë̴̫͎̫͓͝d̵��́̓̒̃͛͘͠,” and this time she senses it behind her, a trill of shivers running straight down her spine, every hair standing up at the back of her neck. Hastily, her free hand makes the motion of a spell, her claws igniting with the same radiance as her earlier arrow as she spins to rake the Voidsent behind her.

    Her wrist is caught in a vice-like grip, halted ilms away from the lined fabric of an expensive suit-coat--or what might have passed for one, were the material not sour-smelling and rotted like the rest of the contents of the estate.

    “A̵̧̡̳̒̀nd̸̗́̿̅ ̸͍͓̦̥̎̿̀͛s̸͈͎̞͒ö̴͔̻̟́ͅ ̷̰̿̐͝q̸̧̻̺̪̊̉̽́uĩ̷͕͎͑͠c̷̝̠͚̐͋͑͘k ̶̡̤̖̭̾̐̓t̷̜̏ǫ̶̺̤̦̊ ̶̡̯͓̭̈v̵̨̈ì̷͔̣̼̔͐ol̵͖͗̚͠en̵̩͌c̷̡̪̗̖͆͆̑e,̷̨̻̠̉,” the voice purrs, and she realises the curious double-intonation she’d been hearing comes from two mouths speaking in tandem; one where a mouth should be and the other a shark-toothed maw splitting the underside of an ashen, Elezen jawline. A’mariss struggled to wrench her arm free from the creature who had her in its grip, but a resounding--crash!!--behind her makes her jump, whirling as--crash!!--one-by-one the four--crash!!--chandeliers she’d seen earlier fall to the--crash!!--ballroom floor. They scatter shards of glass, gold candelabra and purple-lit candles (half extinguished in the fall) all across the room, dispelling the immediate darkness in favor of eerily dancing, flickering shadows.

    A’mariss tugged her arm yet again with a growing sense of urgency (not that her heart wasn’t already thundering while her every instinct screamed at her to run), and if the second mouth grinning toothily at her hadn’t been enough of an indication, a perfectly beaked nose was the last (and perhaps only) remaining feature that was remotely Elezen. The Voidsent had no eyes to speak of; instead twisting, spiraling black branches seemed to extend from where his cheekbones ought to have begun, reaching randomly and ceaselessly toward the ceiling, though where the branches ended and their shadows stretched out, A’mariss was hard-pressed to tell.

    “N̷̜̏̈́̉͘ow̵̧̤̯̃̆̓,̶̳̬͙̍́ ̵̪̾̔̓̄͜ǹ̸̢̨̲̩́͐ò̸͕̜͉̘͗́͗w,̵̲̽̄͐̅ ̵͕̜̪͍͒͂́no̵̟͂͝ͅẅ̶̝́͆̈́,̶̢̩̅̌̎̍” the Voidsent said, finally releasing her arm as it took a step forward and she, a step back towards the purple fire, which was quickly spreading, consuming the draperies as it went.

    “There are much better ways for us to parley. We only thought to celebrate your victory over ol’Gamigin,” the top mouth speaks on its own, drawing A’mariss’s gaze away from the fire.

    “T̸͖̖̳͒͜hou̴̗̮̝͖͑͑̌gȟ̴̞͎̝̺ ̴͓̗́̓͛i̴̘̊̿t ̵̙̩̅͜dep̸̞̀͛̂͜͜r̸͔̠͛̉̽iv̵̮̼͎̻̔͂ed̷̲͌̓̈́͘ ̸̛̩̊̐̒us̶͍̰̯̼̑̈́ ̵͕̾ȯ̸͇͒f ̶̠͠a̵̖̪͠ ̷͓̺̻͖̉̇̎me̷̫̰̞̍a̶̢̗̺̓l,̴̯̠̆̓” the second maw continues, “iṱ̴͉̍́̕͜ ̵̩̮̙͓̈́̋̚͠g̵̗͖͊̑͝ave ̷̣̤͌̐̽͜us̸̢̓̓͘ ̶̝͇̒s̴̞̗̖̈́͗o̴mȩ̸͔̤͉͊̊͗͘t̷̛̞̮̟́̚͜hi̵͑͜͠͝ņ̸̿̅͠g̴͖̜̾͛̋̎ ̵̥͔̓͝b̵̛̰̻͒̎et̸̛̖̑̓͂te̸̢͆r.”

    A’mariss’s tail falls limp behind her, the lion’s tip tufted up and flicking in agitation behind her. She didn’t like where this was going. The Voidsent “watched” her intently, leaning inwards, as though waiting for her to prompt it to explain; eventually, its head tweaked unsettlingly left, and its mouths made a little tsking noise.

    “You, of course. A’mariss. A’mariss. Ă̶̝̤͆͝ ̵̮̺͋̆̍̔̾̒’̷͚͐́́͂͆ ̶̙͙̞͝m ̴̨̛͈̌͆̑̇̉̀̚a̸͎͐͗ ̵͔̅͗̄͑̍͝r̸̉͆̂̀ ̵̧̣̳̱̬́ì̷̡̠̻̩̉͋̌͊͋̀́ ̷͈̭͐̅͝s ̴̗͍̈́̎͝͠s̷̛͉͖̈́̔͂̋̈́̂.” Every hair on her body stood seemingly on-end as it intoned her name, almost like a chant. It leaned towards her once again and she took another step back, only for the Voidsent to flicker erratically and vanish from view. She whirled, smoke from the flames now wreathing the entire room, and at the center behind her waited the Voidsent, one black hand extended towards her. 

W̵͈͊ė̸͔͍'̶͍̃r̴̫͎͕̣̒ę̵̺̹͙̐̈́ ̸̣̚b̴͚̑͠ou̸͙͍͖̽̂̆͠n̶̡͍̳̏̈́d,

                                    W̸̢̧͖̠̞͇̗̟̲͕̤̪̦̜̙̙̘̜͈̳̦̰̲̣̉̔͗͆̔̽̏͛̓͗͒͗̍͌̽͘͝ẻ̵͔̻̩̳͖͙̈́͑̾̿̋͝͝'̶̨̡̡̧̛̛̯̻̞͓͍̘̱̲͇̻̼̳̘̮̞̜̭̦̱͕̝͙̤͓̙̓̈̾͌̈́͆͗̀͒̐́̕͝ͅre̷̢̧̬̯͚̪̝̥̮͙̹̲̤͙̠̦̭͚͔͈̮͐̔͋͑͌̍̎̄͐̚̚͝͝ ̶͍͖̽̉̋͆̇́̆̉̇̀̌̓̕̚ĭ̵̢̺͚̥̙̥̞͔̠̔̈̾̓͂͋̒̇̐̓̇̓̍̂͌̓͑̒̾̋̍͘͘͘̚̕͘͜͝ͅne̶̛͑͐͂́̍̒́̑͗̊͆rt,                         Ẅ̴̠́ê̷̻'̷̬͌r̶e ̶͎͠h̶̬͋a̶͝rm̷͇̃le̴̢̔ș̵̌s̶̝̓,

                W̵̡̠̦̹͖͘e'̴̗̻̰̈́̚̚̚͝͝ŕ̷̘͕̈́̂͂̀͠e̷̟̟͈̩̦̽̉͜ ̴̜̦̲͆t̴̡́͌́̇̈́r̸͛��̙͑ap̵̛͙͙͑̽̾p̸̻̳̼͒͘ͅed̸̙͛,

                                                     Wḙ̸͍̦̩͕͚͍̣̪̝͚̰̘̳̖̻̞̆'̷̝͊̄̇́̈́͋͛͆̇̿́̊̈̈͊̑̿́̿̉̀͝re ̴̨̢͚̪͇͓͐̄͌̒̋̌̔̓̃̚H̸͎̠́͛̐͊̐̄͒̈́̀̽͂̒́̅̏͌͊͒̕͘͘U̴̡͎̮̬͍͓͉̝͕͊͒͛͒̔͗̊̓̈́͌̍̒̍̚NGR̴̨̨̠͙̤̠̼͔͉̬̬̦̼̲͉͉̬̀̊̿̉̀̐͋̚͜ͅY̷̢̨̡̳̻͔̻̖͕͙̙̙̪̞͑̀̈͊̆͌͗͝͝ͅͅ!

                                                                         ...we are so very, very hungry.” 

    A’mariss’s jaw fell partially agape; she could feel the yearning in every word, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom pounding in her skull like an incessant ringing, and the pull within her chest returned with a sudden vengeance. The creature’s outstretched hand was like a rod, and she the helpless fish hooked on its line as it slowly reeled her in. Her bow clattered to the ground like an afterthought as the creature arranged the hand that had been holding it against its shoulder, and held the other firmly as it took her by the waist and began to dance them through the smoldering ballroom.

    “We want to make a deal, A’mariss,” she jerked; those words meant something, but--the room spun and she spun with it, as its voice cooed soothingly into her ear.

    “No, no. Do not misunderstand us, my dear. We would serve you. Willingly,” it paused, its lips pressed against her ear; there was no maw filled with teeth in her periphery, just an ashen throat, bared almost in submission.

    “Loyally,” it purred, “and we would never forget you.” 

    “You could save us.” Could she? It seemed like they had stopped spinning, but A’mariss’s vision was still churning. She closed her eyes against the flickering shadows and growing flames, tucking her cheek against the creature’s striped suit; why had she thought he smelled sour? It was all warmth as she breathed him in, like cloves and allspice and the heady musk from a Bloodglider’s wing.

    “Change us.” Like Bloodgliders.

    “Free us.” Like home.

    A’mariss’s eyes snapped open as she wrenched herself free from the Voidsent’s grasp, stumbling to her hands and knees as the last vestiges of the enthrallment released her, awareness returning with an almost painful clarity. She found herself coughing; the room was almost wholly engulfed in flame, a small ring around the pair the only area untouched. Flames had consumed all the drapes and were making quick work of the ceiling as they rolled along it in waves. On the other side of the room, a support beam collapsed in a shower of pink sparks.

    “No.” A’mariss croaked, and as she reached out, her hand closed around the haft of the Lanetli Arzu as though it had never left her in the first place.

    The Voidsent roared; something inarticulate with rage. As she was staggering to her feet, the creature’s arm--or black, glittering branches?--lashed out to close around her throat, lifting her clean off the floor.

    “N̘͈̼͕͈̥͉͔̾͢O̬̳͉̙̬̓͐ͣ̊̒?̠͉͂ͫͤ͡ IIt boomed, its maw opening wide. 

    “Ņ̢̰̗̤ͣ̃̽͌͛ͦ̉͂̓̾̚̚O̢̨̤̥͔͆ͧ́ͩͥ̑̀͐̑ͪ́͑͟? ͨ͗ͮ̿̔NƠ̆ͦ͗ͮ҉̷̡̛̗̟͚?̯͒ͪ̂̑͐̓͂̅ͣ̊͜ ͍̜̫̊̎͆́̇̍ͬ͜Ň̬̗͌͋̌̀͝O?̹̰̙̦̗̜͙̑̾̍͌͞͡͞͠͞ͅ” It repeated over, and over, and over again, breathing hot, rank breath from its split maw directly into her face. She nearly gagged, but it held her throat tight enough that she could no more gag than she could breathe. Tears streamed from her eyes, her free hand grappling and tearing at the branch that held her to no avail; for every layer of supple, black bark that came away beneath her claws, there only seemed more.

    The Lanetli Arzu vibrated so strongly in her grasp that it was all she could do to hold onto it; she could feel herself fading as the Voidsent continued to roar, and the flames seemed to join it. Distantly, she could feel herself raking her claws across her own knuckles until the blood ran against the haft of her bow; aether surged from her and into the weapon, and the heat that shot up her arm was almost more searing than the choking heat of the room. Brilliant, blinding white light ignited behind the creature that had grabbed her; she could no longer discern its true shape beyond the shadows and endless grasping black branches, but a myriad of radiant arrows burst through its center mass and tore through the arms that were holding her.

    A’mariss landed hard, wheezing, and felt an oily lump pressed against her windpipe. Try as she might, swallowing did nothing to shake the sensation and only left her near-to choking. She slid back across the floor as the violet flames began to catch on the branches of the Voidsent. It still roared wordlessly at her, limbs flailing as it struggled to tear free of the brilliant arrows that had partially pinned it in place; they would not hold it forever. Somehow, she drew in enough of a breath to force herself to her feet. She leaped through the shallow wall of violet flame, hardly even feeling the heat as she raced wildly back the way she’d come.

    All the doors were open, now; the one that had blocked her path at the end of the hallway had collapsed outwards. She could feel the heat at her back as she stumbled into the foyer, forced her weak knees to keep going as she burst through the front door, leaped down the steps, and raced beyond the black iron trellis that had welcomed her so ominously earlier. Only once she was in the cobbled street did she turn to look back where she had fled; there was no sign of Voidsent, nor fire, nor the shadows she had been fleeing. There was only a terrifying emptiness, a sense of nothing that remained, like the hollow feeling of a thread snapping where she hadn’t realized one had been.

    Trembling, she turned her gaze down to the bow in her hand. It looked no worse for wear, though it seemed to hum with a note of desperation. Her other hand rose to her throat, feeling the lump--several lumps--pressed just beneath the skin. Panic gripped her as she felt one of them give a gentle twitch beneath her fingers. Her mind raced to find someone, anyone she could go to; she bowed over her knees in an attempt to slow her breathing, feeling (not for the first time) the loss of Nazyl most keenly. He would have known what to do.

    Bereft of other options, one other name rose to mind, and he was nearby. Tynos. If there was anyone else who could help her before it was too late--it was him. She looped the Lanetli Arzu over her shoulder, and began to walk, pausing near a street sign to get her bearing. If her panic-stricken memory was right, it was only a short walk towards the Goblet--and hopefully her salvation.

      ...Then she could attempt to process all that she’d just encountered.

[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

god it WILL NOT stop bothering me until i talk about it. the way we got here. it’s not just about the book anymore, not at all, and it’s certainly never been about “shipping”, at this point it’s how helpless the tactics of the guy make me feel.

step one: refer to people who have read previous venom books and noticed the trend throughout the nineties to portray eddie and the symbiote as a man and an agender alien in an ambiguously or not-so-ambiguously romantic relationship, which was picked up on and completely unambiguously canonised in the very last run, consistently refer to these people as “shippers”, lovingly condescend to them, do not ever treat “the ship” as existing beyond their imagination

[I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS EXIST]

result: make people forget that this is a complete misrepresentation and he has received no criticism whatsoever for “not making a ship canon” because that is not what he did, he decanonised it and then denied doing so and painted everyone it ever meant something to as essentially deluded - and, considering that that’s all they are, he’s being awfully kind and accommodating, isn’t he?

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step two: actively seek out these no-good shippers on tumblr! tell them that you’re watching them! read their detailed posts in which they express their grievances about your comic book to their friends and misrepresent their points on your twitter so your bajillion followers can affirm that Those People are categorically wrong about everything!

[EDDIE IS CODEPENDENT]

people are mad at him because he said eddie was codependent! not because he’s reframing the extremely rare story of a troubled queer relationship that was ultimately still a redemptive force in these characters’ lives as an unhealthy compulsion that corrupts, hm, what a fresh and unfamiliar take, no reason why this would strike a nerve - and, recently, of course, as something inherently abusive, every bit of hope and change for the better vile and fake.

literally just start vaguing about people’s personal tumblr blogs on your professional twitter account with the little, little blue checkmark and everything, use that to make passive-aggressive references to people’s posts! why not!

[LOVE EACH OTHER]

people talk about how they like a symbiote and its host getting along (and they did, that very night, talk quite a lot about ngozi)? that is so dumb and lame.

[EVERYTHING IS AWESOME]

people get sick of edgy shock factor writing that throws one dark theme after another at them without treating any of them with the consideration they deserve? people expect some moments of levity in a venom book?

they’re asking for stories with no conflict where nothing bad ever happens! but it’s okay, he knows better, he knows you just don’t know what you want! it’s not like endless sadness is just as likely to be dreadfully boring or unintentionally hilarious as endless happiness!

result: o w n e d god he sure is shutting down every point no one has ever made

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step three: literally get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only boil their opinions down to THE SHIIIIP but literally say that their opinions don’t matter because they literally would never say it “to your face” literally because it’s “easy to be brave on tumblr”

literally

say these words

[IT’S EASY TO BE BRAVE ON TUMBLR]

call people chicken shits for NOT talking to you directly! and then! BLOCK everybody who talks to you directly! or quote retweet them so your followers can descend like vultures! actually acknowledge that it takes bravery to interact with you if you’re in the Tumblr Demographic, you know, one of Those People, and frame yourself as in the right for it???

am i losing my mind???

[SIX PEOPLE ON TUMBLR]

get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only claim they’re the only people ever to talk badly of it but imply that you’re one step away from namedropping the specific perpetrators. that’s not ominous at all!

it’s an age-old question: how many times does one of marvel’s top writers with legions of fans have to imply his antagonistic awareness of your specific existence before you’re on a first name basis? and also paranoid?

result: stir shit. be a shit stirrer. faint when your shit stirring does in fact stir shit. you can’t go “you would never” and be surprised when people do, you... can’t...

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step four: whip out your ally card... to whip the people you’re supposed to be allied to with it. try to use your knowledge of queer issues to shut down actual queer people.

[I DON’T THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE TO ASSUME GENDER]

either that, or straight-up make a “did you just assume my gender” joke. i can’t find the original tweet anymore, so it’s possible it was that and he deleted it because it was too blatant, lol.

result: MAYBE YOU GUYS WERE THE PROBLEMATIC ONES ALL ALONG

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step five: remember that interview where he outright stated that he just wants to, just to be the definite venom run? just to put the biggest dent in canon he can? just to break everybody’s toys and emerge victorious as the one person with the valid take on venom?

yeah, those things become more noticeable in the actual book, over time, and acceptance of that is, uh, not universal? not everybody’s up for him spending several issues in a row on e s t a b l i s h i n g  d o m i n a n c e by having eddie sit around as other characters tell him that a ton of stuff other writers from michelinie to thompson to costa to kaminski to slott to jenkins have done actually sucked and was wrong and fake and never happened? through retcons that make no sense, like, factually don’t fit?

people don’t like you walking back character and relationship development to further your end goal of recasting the symbiote as the personification of addiction and abuse instead of itself a survivor of extreme abuse who has been constantly denied personhood in a way that is frighteningly resonant and who has been going through a genuine redemption arc for years now?

people don’t like you acting like eddie never had a reason for being who he is before and you had to make one up? one that doesn’t fit the character at all, which you didn’t realise because you apparently thought the character had no characterisation before you came along?

you can imagine how these things might spark nerd rage?

and you can probably imagine who this nerd rage was blamed on, yeah?

these criticisms inherently require knowledge of venom canon, because they’re largely about disrespect for it, these criticisms are not related to shipping of any kind - but of course the only thing people could possibly be mad about is the "ship", the only ones making a fuss are those “shippers”, those casuals, Those People who only care about One Thing and don’t understand the real gritty reality of the, god you get it i’m making fun

[I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT]

you’re the only one, don. it’s true.

and i know, i know for a fact, that he’s been aware of criticism from other groups all along, that he was, for example, witness to this livestream that spends like a solid hour a month mercilessly dragging him through the dirt, and you know what the extent of his response was?

thanks for checking the book out.

that’s it. that’s all. this guy hasn’t gotten any less loud about criticising him, either. wishing for his book’s cancellation and retconning. but nothing more. he gets to keep to himself. he is #valid.

people have been taking the piss out of him on youtube, on reddit. only tumblr ever earned his ire. only tumblr gets namedropped at convention panels.

and now, now more than ever? you better believe your regular run-of-the-mill nerds, straight, male, utterly uninterested in the icky stuff, everything, are mad. almost everyone who’s truly tits deep in venom lore is mad.

and so he’s said he’s received threats. and i’m sure he has. i’ve received threats. you’ve received threats. it’s never okay. it sure as shit never helps to send them.

he’s gotten a lot of fucking inappropriate personal vitriol! lots of it actually “ship”-related! i’m categorically against contacting the guy for any reason!

but who is to blame? who do people accept as being to blame? who do news outlets report on as being to blame? when, i presume, not every single one of them actually went “i’m doing this specifically because i’m a (thunder clap) shipper”? when large-scale retcons are literally always met with nerd rage? when a shipper-less fandom probably still would’ve had threats?

[THIS IS INSANE]

[IT’S THE SHIPPERS]

result: if all criticism = “shippers”, and “shippers” = harassment, then everyone who has no actual idea of what’s going on but who doesn’t like “shippers” is automatically on his side and nobody who isn’t a “shipper” wants to risk the association by criticising him.

get this stuff out to his followers, to news outlets, to people completely uninvolved and contextless, and watch the bile run over everywhere because lots of people are ready to accept this narrative in comic book spaces.

have people in the replies and comments eagerly discussing how this is more proof that c+o+m+i+c+s+gate was right and they’re the only reasonable ones. how disgusting and crazy "shippers” are. how donny should keep doing his best to trigger the gays. there’s no pushback against these ideas.

and i’m so fucking stuck between wanting to defend the man, wring my hands and apologise on behalf of the other These People, because i don’t see anything justifiable in their actions, and in being... just... just so frustrated... with everything... with throwing everyone out to the dogs... and claiming that he doesn’t mean to... when he has this whole history of belittling "shippers” specifically... of making sure their public image is that of people who just don’t know what they’re talking about and are in no way worth empathising with... of only drawing attention to the aggressive ones and blocking the reasonable ones

when he literally only stands to benefit from doing all this. 

this is massive amounts of free positive pr.

this makes him essentially immune to criticism of any kind.

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes! 

i forgot! somewhere along the line, he did do something very good and disavowed association with co/mics/ga/te!

[C0M1C5G8]

why the fuck am i censoring? tumblr search stopped working decades ago.

anyway, it should come as no particular surprise why these people assumed he would side with them. not that any high profile writer who values his standing would, really. are there any? maybe there are, i’m not up to date on this drama.

i just think it’s funny - genuinely not his fault, but hilarious - that this was apparently enough to inspire a “boycott”? and it was a fart in the wind?

which is the least surprising thing ever because there is actually nothing whatsoever to hold these people’s ire to be found in venom? excluding aliens, there has been one real and present character who isn’t a white guy in 11 issues? it is actively less queer than it was before? donny has never caved to the essjaywoo pressure in any way, shape or form? what were they... thinking? it’s almost like these people are dumb?

all they've done is ensure that, without it actually doing anything, venom gets the commendation for being A Comic The Gators Don't Like?

anyway.

what do we do moving forward? i don’t know. nothing. not harassing anyone. keep being salty on tumblr. do not engage him. i think i’m more about stalling the chain reaction he’s caused than the man himself. if you’re not a “shipper”, of course, keep posting your criticism, maybe stand up for “shippers” who are being dogpiled over genuine criticism, don’t let people say This Is All Proof Of How You Can’t Have Queer Content Because Queers Are Crazy.

and be nice to mike costa.

[agent-ches]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Thoughts & Theories (SPOILERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!)

so i just got back from the movie & these are my super rough notes on it. they’re not polished, far from it actually, i’ll probably edit them after but here they are regardless, let me know if you guys feel the same or if you have any theories!

OVERALL (Spoiler free!!)

there are aspects of the film that i can find fault with but i can’t deny that is it a wondeful film & i enjoyed it throughly. some things felt forced but otherwise, it was nice. i don’t see why people are hating on it so viciously but i can admit there are definitely flaws. like these need to be fixed kind of flaws. if you can look past them though, & it takes quite a bit to look past them, i really think you’ll enjoy the film at least a little. the animation was really amazing especially for the beasts & just i love how they act around Newt.

.

.

.

Here comes the spoilery bit...

.

.

.

CONS

- Leta is suddenly introduced, but in the last movie she’s barely touched on & it’s as though her & Newt haven’t seen each other in forever since he carries a photo with him around but in this movie they’re all chummy & apparently she’s been asking him over for dinner? hmm.

- She’s supposed to marry his brother. what. there’s no context for this either. And newt’s supposed expulsion on her behalf (this is the case right? for endangering students?) is barely touched upon other than the fact that she was a “bad” student which only happened as a result of her heritage. she misses the school it’s evident but there’s a lot that’s not touched upon.

- Newts friendship with her isn’t really delved into that much which is understandable since the movie can’t run on forever but SHE DIED??? IN THIS MOVIE??? so um yeah maybe a little more backstory would be nice before you flipping kill her off unless it’s gonna be a solid plot point for the sequels?? i felt it was very abrupt.

- Barely touching on Credence or Dumbledore which is kind of disappointing & the scenes were cut a little strangely in my opinion, especially with Credence.

- Credence is now Aurelius (please correct my spelling if i’m wrong) Dumbledore. if any of you have watched the mortal instruments (the first movie) or read the first book of the series it kind of feels like that kind of plot twist where you casually throw the family line thing just for a good WOAHHHH moment & JK really isn’t convincing me with this, if this was her idea, especially since she’s been pulling a lot of random things seemingly out of a bag (we all know the three Dumbledore siblings so Credence is probably some cousin or some other because i swear to god if he’s not & they’re making him a direct relative i will flip)

- If you’re not a big Harry Potter diehard you’re gonna be lost quite easily & even if you’re a fan for the ages it may be hard to follow because of the characters popping up here & there (the lestrange family tree thing was hella ????) this is coming from someone who had to explain a lot of things to her friends that were watching with her.

- Okay how the hell did Leta manage to swap Corvus for Aurelis/Credence if that’s the flipping case. Why was Dumbledore’s lost relative on their way to America??? Wot?????

- i believe saw two Asian characters in the movie forgive me if i missed others & if i am mistaken, one of them has a blood curse while the other DIES IN FIRE??? why was this a decision........... as an Asian that’s just.......

- Very little on Nagini as well seriously it’s as though a lot of characters were thrown in out of the blue hmm

- Grindelwald walking in broad daylight. Without anyone saying anything. Really. Sure maybe he’s using a spell but. Really.

- Credence joining Grindelwald. That man literally took advantage of him & lies to him & yet Credence still has a strand of faith in him, it’s quite terrifying to watch. i don’t know how i feel about this. It’s unsettling.

- Newt not knowing Credence was alive. Tina knew and she said nothing, Theseus knew & he said nothing. This is six months after the last movie, surely someone could have said something.

- Baby Phoenix showing up outta nowhere. My guess is that thing was planted for Credence to find so that Grindelwald could use the Dumbledore family tale to his advantage to convince Credence of his heritage.

- HOW DOES CREDENCE SUDDENLY KNOW HOW TO USE A WAND?? AND HOW DOES IT WORK PERFECTLY FOR HIM??

PROS

- The camera angles from Newt’s perspective were very very nice because his character is very reserved and doesn’t like being around people or touching them & Eddie’s acting is wonderful, his head is almost always facing the ground unless he’s dealing with the beasts (I loved the beasts in this one by the way how can you not love them especially the new additions) & the camera perspectives of whoever he is talking to show them coming very close to him & it’s almost as though he’s dwarfed by them, good on that one.

- Newt’s utterly adorable salamander reference. Salamanders in legends i believe can walk through fire hence the fire in water thing which was super sweet & also really funny.

- I LOVED THE OLD HOGWARTS ROBES GIMMEEEEEE THAT INNER ROBE HOUSE COLOUR SORTING THING

- Leta’s “i love you” was super ambiguous, it’s kinda of interesting because the camera pans to Newt and Theseus. interesting. Especially considering the L + N scratched under the classroom desk.

- I like the little snippet of young Grindelwald (JAMIE CAMPBELL BOWER!!!) & young Dumbledore in the mirror & Dumbledore reminiscing about it was kind of sweet, he misses their youth. Also the blood pact. Wow. they kinda toned down the gayness & a lot of it was shown in the trailers already so it’s pretty subdued but we’ve been promised more of them in the future films so i’m still (stupidly) hopeful that this is going somewhere.

- Grindelwald wearing their blood pact, it’s as though he’s mocking Dumbledore because he can’t touch him, very nice touch, a cruel play on their friendship

- Queenie joining Grindelwald. Someone on this site predicted her joining him but i can’t remember who. i like how love kind of drove her mad per se it was kind of interesting to see her do a complete 180 & the parallels of Jacob & “crazy” were nice (the parallels throughout the movie were fantastic hoho like when Dumbledore & Newt sit in the news truck thing & Dumbledore is spilling the tea)

- Nifflers are adorable & Newt licking the ground was gold

- Newt & Tina’s characters being portrayed pretty much perfectly because Yina is super headstrong? & she’s bottling up her disappointment, anger & frustration at Newt while he fixates on all the little things about her

- Grindelwald as a whole was pretty solid. He’s far more terrifying than You Know Who & that’s enough said. The parallel to the baby in the room with Grindelwald and Harry in his room with Voldemort. Powerful.

- I liked how they took an element of actual history aka our Wars & included it in the movie it was a nice way to tie in the magical world in the real world.

- Newt hugging Theseus who is the hugger of the two even though he doesn’t do hugs

[lotrewrite]

Recap of 8.26.17 Chat

So in this chat, we started out with some general points which all writers should take into account when revising their episodes, and then went episode by episode. This time around, episode-by-episode, I've focused more on the substantive comments rather than the love (there was love for all the episodes)

First: for everyone's convenience, someone apparently wrote a script to put in all of the html code needed to transition your fic from gdrive to ao3: https://docs.google.com/document/d/19eZnBQ4989Dr17v2ODFgE8QWAo9Oahi4USDNS3hOSvM/edit

Second: We’re going to be using TV Rules in terms of rating – no sex/full nudity, avoid swears like ‘fuck/shit’, but ‘damn/hell/crap’ are OK. Seemed easier to have everyone try to keep this in mind for a consistent tone than to try to figure out how many f-bombs we can drop in an episode

Third: The “basic” introduction we’ll be using is "Time travel is real, and all of history is vulnerable to attack, which is why we must travel through time to keep anyone from damaging it. We are a team of outcasts and misfits. So please don't call us heroes, we're legends."  If you’ve already come up with an alternative intro, feel free to keep it! if you want to alter the above intro, feel free! This is just the most basic, unadorned version.

Fourth: Things we should include more references to in various episodes:

Mick being a pyromaniac

Ratigan exists (post episode 9)

References to Nate and Lisa once they’re gone (i.e. "Lisa would've liked this" and "Nate's going to hate us all SO BAD when we tell him" and "wish we had Nate/Lisa here")

Mentions that Oculus!Len has attempted to make contact with the others and failed (post episode 12 only)

Fifth: Names (for consistency)

Len: In episodes 1-12, we call him "Len" in narrative and "Snart" in speech (except Lisa, who refers to him as "Lenny"); post episode 12, Len is introduced as "Legion!Len" and "Oculus!Len" respectively - use the full names (i.e. Oculus!Len not O!Len) for clarity; this applies even when a given Len is alone on screen, but exceptions can be made if you're deliberately trying to confuse the issue of which Len is which

Eobard Thawne: "Eobard" in narrative, "Thawne" in text; Legion!Len starts calling him "Bard" or "Bardy", followed by Oculus!Len once he hears it, but Legion!Len stops once he has been brainwashing only to slowly resume once it begins fading

Damien Darhk: "Darhk" in narrative, "Darhk" when the Legends are talking about/to him, "Damien" when the Legion is talking about/to him

Queen Bee: always referred to as Queen Bee unless someone is explicitly making a joke

ASIDE: I feel like we're missing a lot of jokes for Queen Bee's name

Someone needs to tell her to buzz off

"You've been busy." "...is that supposed to be a pun?"

"Queen Bee? Yeah, Queen B-rated"

"BeeGees"

"It's the Bee Team" that's DEFINITELY a Ray comment, which he'd ruin by going "Get it? 'cause we're the A Team???"

these puns are giving me hives

she needs to call everyone honey

crowdsourcing puns, who would BEE-lieve it??

(also at some point you should also make a joke about there being "Lenses". You can see better with two Lenses.)

Let’s move on or we’ll bee here all night (sorry)

Gideon and Rip call everyone by Mr./Miss, except for “Captain Hunter” and “Captain Lance”

Everyone calls Jax "Jax" except Stein (Jefferson) and Gideon/Rip (Mr. Jackson)

Mick has nicknames for everyone: Ray (Haircut/Pretty), Nate (Pretty), Sara (Blondie), Stein (Professor), Len (Boss, Len, Lenny), Kara (Skirt), Jax (Kid), Amaya ("Rules"), Lisa (Goldie), Rip (Englishman)

For historical characters, use whatever works for the historical time period but is understandable to readers of a modern audience (i.e. use "Octavian" not “Gaius Octavius/Octavianus”)

Episode 10

They should look Queen Bee up at some point after the initial fight

Gideon confirms that Queen Bee is an enemy of Mari’s and thus would know something about Amaya’s future, making Amaya more anxious

Episode 14

It'd be great if Amaya could look up her future at the end of the Tudor episode, maybe while Mick and the others go burn down the Globe; that way, Amaya can struggle with it and Queen Bee’s comments in the next episode

maybe in Episode 14, after O!Len's shock at seeing his "other" self we might want to have a short scene where he asks Gideon what the hell was that, and Gideon explains that he was picked up in 2014 and he has a moment where he goes "wait, so that's...me? that's really me? a me that's not DEAD yet?"

Episode 15

Make Amaya being picked up by British/white colonialist forces to be used by them, so she was fed a lot of propaganda, and most of the lessons about the British should come from Ching; possibly also a conversation with Sara in which Sara explicitly notes that she can’t understand the experience of being colonized - "I can give you examples about what they've done but I can't tell you how you or anyone else they affect should feel about it" kind of thing

Amaya should be struggling with her knowledge about her future - I really like how you have Amaya resisting Queen Bee's offers; but I think the resolution might work better with Amaya deciding against making Sara's mistake from Episode 4 rather than not looking it up at all? That would explain the dialogue where Amaya’s considering changing the future

Lily aberration arc: the end of episode 15, she forgives Stein for keeping it from her, but she's still upset and "needs space" because she's still an aberration and scared - leave it ambiguous at the end of 15, so the audience initially thinks she's still angry about Stein hiding it from her

Shay Hannibal Houlihan - immigrants were told (or forced) to change their name, maybe he could mention that, you can mention that they changed his name to Hannibal at Ellis Island, but he still prefers Shay, you could also have Josephine calling him Hannibal; Maybe his bar is name Hannibal and when asked, he explains that's his legal name

Len arc: Len starts encouraging Mick to go talk to his other self so that he can tell him not to die - the emphasis should be Oculus!Len wants Mick to go to his other self rather than the Legion

Episode 16

I really liked the characterization in this episode; I thought it was really spot on

Lily aberration arc: at the end of episode 16, when Stein gets back to her, he basically announces that he will fight ANYONE who tries to hurt her even a little and the Legends back it up and agree that no one will be "fixing" her aberration

Lily needing a bit more to do this episode, maybe a conversation with Jax, who she can have that "I don't know what being an aberration means and it's freaking me out" conversation with. The conversation could maybe go while they're following Rip to the place with the ship parts

Len arc: the emphasis should be Oculus!Len wants Mick to go to his other self rather than the Legion

Episode 17

Fantastic episode, emotional whiplash, so much fun

They're dropping Lily off - do we make it clear enough that happens before episode 17 starts? maybe we could put in a brief comment about how it's been a few days since they dropped Lily off or something?

Episode 18

Legionnaire Len joke

Len calls Eobard ‘Bard’ at the end, causing them to comment about possibly needing to reinforce the brainwashing, but Queen Bee resists because how dare they question her

Gag reel: Darhk in a leather skirt with lace up sandals; "Show some leg, Damien! That'll distract her!" "Shut up, Snart!"

They can’t read the graffiti because it’s slang/graffiti, not because they can’t read the foreign language - the babelfish applies to that too

Episode 19

Awesome representation, superpowers, fantastic battle sequences, emotional moments; it was a great episode AND it felt like a great backdoor pilot for a Ystina-themed episode

the only section I had any issue with was there was one or two that had no Legends

scabbard – Nimue stealing it or maybe when she's knocked over (iirc?) it can fall under her or some other object and out of sight

can mick just watch the cigarette burn down? Yes

Doomworld:

Jessica Cruz should show up as a Green Lantern, since she shows up in episode 17

Jax goes to QB's place in Africa to get Amaya, but it seems like this is really far to travel and be back in time within an episode. should she have a hq somewhere closer, just for visiting while at board meetings? Yes, they should go to Queen Bee’s local embassy

I really liked Mick's opening.

I also like that Nate bursts in but they don't even humor him

what exactly is the brainwashing cure? don't think we had one; I think we just planned to have Ray design a mind-fixing gun again - I did make a note that they could pick up Ted's BB gun which works on light spectrum; it also used the emotional spectrum in the comics; that could work

The second part seemed short – maybe add the part where we picked up Rip again - there should be a scene where they break in and steal him and the waverider

also there's a comment about the lanterns going away to space and coming back to a mess, but it contradicts Queen Bee complaining about her 'pest' problem in the first half

There should be a moment where Len weakens the brainwashing and becomes aware that he’s being brainwashed, and is now resisting unsuccessfully

what O!Len's motivation is for not revealing L!Len's brainwashing to Mick - O!Len can dance around the subject until he tries to warn Mick about L!Len going to kill him; Mick probably wouldn't believe that so easily until O!Len blurts out "He's been brainwashed! Since before all this happened!" "...Why didn't say that earlier, I would've listened to you then!" I don't think Len would ever be able to actually say the words brainwashed about himself, too horrifying maybe some reference to "remember what the Time Masters did to you? to make you Kronos?" "yeah?" "that's what they did to him. to make him like that." That scene would fit in well in Doomworld and explain his earlier reluctance to speak

Finale

after Rip, Len and Mick decide to take a break, maybe everyone feels they deserve a vacation until, whoops- dinos in LA they do still have family outside the Legends after all!

can Bambi be our new mascot?

Queen Bee says something like "It is beneath my dignity to brainwash people like you!" I can add a line to mine where they comment on "you did it before" and she tries to bluster

[mrfunnybonearchives]

ᴼᶰᵉ ᴸᵃˢᵗ ᴶᵒᵇ

||Starter -- @wdvoided || Closed ||

           “Tickets, please.” 

      In movies, Sans distinctly remembered that particular question always being asked after passengers had boarded a train. That was what allowed for some rascal to fake a pair of tickets, only to find out he got the color of the ink wrong and had to go make up some wild excuse as to where his supposed legitimate ticket had disappeared to. 

      Apparently, humans had wised up since those days—lil’ bit, at least.

     “here ya go, pal.”

      Luckily for him and his traveling companion, they had fairly purchased and correctly inked tickets from the get-go, and wouldn’t have to worry about jumping off the curved edge of a railroad in order to avoid certain jail time. Though, admittedly, that would have been an interesting sight to see. Maybe more so than sitting across from the monster who had once been his boss. Lab partner. Fellow nerd-enthusiast. 

       Looking back, it was hard to say if they had actually been friends.

       The thought was more somber than he cared to admit. 

       Regardless of whatever they had once been or not-been, though, it didn’t change the here and now, and maybe wouldn’t have even mattered. Either way, so many years had passed since those far away days of long white coats and scribbled in log books—felt like years, anyhow—maybe it genuinely had been, hard to say. Depended on what definition of time was being used, how it was being measured. 

      The humans had some song that talked about that, actually. Sans recalled that it was from a musical. Which, really, he wasn’t much a fan of in general, more Paps thing, but sometimes they weren’t so bad. This one made a good point if nothing else. Could define the passage of time in a lot of different ways. In daylights. In sunsets. In midnights, in cups of—

      “Coffee?”

      Sans looked up, having barely settled into his plush seat before a skinny apron-clad human came to offer a fanciful pot of what looked like freshly brewed joe. He kept his grin friendly. “yeah, sure. why not. thanks buddy.”

     The little ceramic mug that had been pre-placed before him just so, with all the elegant set up of some fine-dining establishment, was slowly filled until a sliver of steam rose above its lip. It had that dark roast smell, the sort he had come to associate with expensive shops and imported grinds. Which was nice and all, but the coffee still just tasted like coffee. He added the provided packet of mojo and a very small amount of milk, but nothing else. 

      White eye lights glanced up to Gaster as Sans stirred his drink into a light brown hue. Now was about when he was supposed to make small talk, probably. Ask how he’d been doing, what sort of things he was up to these days, and oh, by the way, just how was being trapped in that void for so long? 

      yeah, about that, i know it took forever for me to get you out, see, uh, i kinda gave up on everything in my life after awhile and consequently sorta left you to a potential eternity of doom. my bad. hard to find good help these days amiright? 

     Sure they’d both have a good chuckle over that one. Maybe Gaster would tell him that he was actually grateful for his time trapped in a scattered dimension with no life or death, that it actually allowed him to pursue a previously suppressed fondness for knitting. Or, creating haiku’s, since in retrospect he wouldn’t have even had access to materials for, uh, knitting...probably. 

     Something told him that chances of that happening were pretty slim to—well no, even that expression gave too much credit. 

      Sans took a sip of his drink and turned to look out the window as the train began to move, slowly rolling away from its quiet little station. Toriel had been right; traveling by train (really nice ones at least) definitely seemed to be the less human-populated option these days. A plane would have been quicker, though. He wouldn’t have minded that, was pretty sure he’d gone on one before in one timeline or another, but Gaster was still—adjusting, to put it delicately. 

      Besides, Tori had asked that Sans go with him by train. So that was what he did. 

      Actually, when he thought about it, Tori orchestrated the entire venture in itself. Had been having some sort of politcal meeting with humans when a chance for a bit of comradity popped on up; as it turned out, the humans didn’t exactly do a bang-up job of taking care of the surface in monster-kinds absence. Shocker. Sans remembered reading bits and articles about it in the early days. Seemed like their main issue was relying on inefficient methods of energy. There was too many of them, they bred and consumed and damaged the Earth far faster than it could repair itself, and not too many of them wanted to give up their cushiony lifestyles. 

      He always had wondered if he’d be around when that eventually turned to bite them on their collective rear end. Turned out, he would be, just not in the way he thought. Instead of a somewhat ambiguous observer, he, along with Gaster, would be working with them to figure out how to undo the tangled mess that they’d made over centuries of bad choices. Their work together on The Core, which by comparison to human power was vastly kinder on the environment, had apparently made them the obvious monsters for the job. How Sans involvement came into light, he didn’t yet know. Didn’t ask. He could only kick something under the rug for so long, he supposed.

       Still, it wasn’t like The Core had ever really been perfect. Stabilizing Gaster’s creation had been a never-ending battle, and they hadn’t even been covering that large of an area in comparison. It had taken losing the royal scientist to reality in order to even make the stupid machine consistently function. Why the humans thought they’d be able to come up with something that worked now, Sans didn’t know. Again, he didn’t ask. 

      He was going because it made life a little easier for Toriel if he did. 

      He was going because Gaster had agreed to go, and Sans owed him. 

      He was going because—

      ah, hell. 

      He wasn’t even sure, really. 

      “y’know,” Sans said, his attention still set on the sight of trees cycling passed them as they began to exit city parameters, “betcha the first human to think up a train had a real crazy reason for it. y’know. a loco motive.” 

     A small, mildly self-amused huff escaped Sans nose hole. His hand stayed wrapped around the warmth of his mug, occasionally giving it a little tap as thoughts swirled and muddled until they were indistinguishable murmurs. He breathed in, slow, easy, and tore himself away from the window long enough to take another hit of his drink. 

      It still just tasted like coffee. 

[vita-e]

My MPHFPC Movie Notes

Love the opening credits, fits spirit and theme of the book

(music in general is good)

Hate the different opening line – rather generic imo.

Asa please I know you’re a good actor. Please stop being so flat.

“Jake”

This all feels rushed.

Grandpa has lost his marbles and his acting ability.

“That guy gave me the heebie-jeebies” is all you have to say after nearly hitting a man?

“Jake” was in the house for only 10 seconds, didn’t even bother checking the whole house.

This opening is so boring that my foot fell asleep.

Was this the first take? There’s little to no emotion.

Grandpa Portman doesn’t sound like he’s dying. At all.

1943?! What’s the point of changing the date?!

Also, what’s the point of changing his last words which were a lot more mysterious?

C’mon dude, your grandpa just died! Show some emotion!!

Why do the hollows look like Slenderman rip-offs?

Dr. Golan’s a woman? I’m fine with this – but I won’t be later.

“A month ago,”? Wasn’t it more than a few months until he finally sought help? (I haven’t read the book in a while)

Asa is still a bit flat but he’s doing better in these scenes.

Tiny Jacob is super cute!

His acting is bad, though. This is a given for child actors.

The dad is an ornithologist. He wouldn’t change a bird documentary to a football game (although that was a bit funny.)

Why does Miss Peregrine look so young? In the book, she looks more like a mother waiting for her children to give her some goddamn grandkids.

Bronwyn is 9 now I guess.

Hugh is 11 now I guess.

“Where’s Emma? She could float.” SHE COULD NOT.

Grandpa Portman sounds more English than Polish. Throwing in a Polish nickname doesn’t convince me that he’s Polish.

“Little tiger”? He called him “Yakob.”

“No eyes,” in the book, Jacob tells a sketch artist that they have 2 like a normal mammal. This may be personal taste, but for me, monsters are scarier when they look more human.

Kids this age wouldn’t laugh! They’d see the picture of Millard and go “Holy shit! He’s invisible!” Kids are gullible, dammit. (I had this problem with the book as well.)

Funny how younger!Jacob dresses exactly like Asa.

Damn, kid, he said he didn’t want to talk about it! Chill!

Still 0 emotion, I guess.

“He was a wonderful grandpa, but not… such a great dad, you know?” Damn, that hits home for me – but doesn’t this talk happen later in the book? Like, this talk happens at the island.

Wait, the scene just ends there? No argument? Damn, Jake just doesn’t care that his dad is smack talking his idol.

JESUS fuckin’ twins.

Jacob’s cousins were brats and I believe teenagers as well, so why are they perfect lil’ angel twins that look 10 at the oldest?

Also, why is Jacob’s house so small? His mom is an heiress to a Wal-Mart type store-chain.

Cairnholm is apparently popular enough to warrant postcards.

And popular enough to warrant a spot in a travel book, wtf? It’s not even big enough to be seen on a map.

The dad looking at Jake like he’s crazy gives me life lmfao.

Cairnholm is 100% my aesthetic.

Where’s Kev???

What? But… Uncle Oggie is a relative of Martin?

Didn’t imagine Kev looking like that but okay.

Franklin is me trying to make friends tbh.

I’m so glad Worm and M.C. Dirty D made it in.

Aren’t the residents like… a bit afraid of the home themselves?

Aesthetic™

Wait, what? Oggie can see? He looks blind.

1943? At that point, Germany was taking a more defensive stance, doing lots of evacuating.

“And they were lovely, too.” In the book, Uncle Oggie claims they were strange and rarely spoke.

“3 months later”? He left the day after the loop was created!

Is that the dart competition I keep seeing on Vine?

Wait, why is Enoch there? I know they fucked with his character a lot but he probably joined after the loop was created since he’s from an older loop, otherwise he’d age forward ~30-40 years – so why is he next to (who I presume is) Abe, who left after the loop was made? (or in this case, before!)

Enoch’s little laboratory was in the basement, not upstairs.

The twins might’ve been in the loop at some point, but they certainly aren’t there when Jacob arrives.

Wait, so instead of chasing after them, he runs away? Jake’s a pussy.

And he trips and gets knocked unconscious by a rock. Wow.

Bronwyn, despite being the wrong age and having no personality, is at least cute and it’s fun to watch her carry Jake.

Why is Millard so tiny? You can say that his age is ambiguous, but in the book Jacob clearly states that his voice sounds like that of a young man’s, not a young child’s.

“You’re Emma!” (John Cena voice) Are you sure about that?

Why is Olive, like, 16? She’s supposed to be 7-9 years old (and ofc she has Emma’s powers instead.)

“She sent us to get you”? Why, though?

Standing there all creepy ain’t gonna make him want to follow you.

Jake doesn’t seem to see the change in the weather.

“I am the manager” reminds me of that one Tumblr comic.

Ngl, Millard would do this – if just for fun. He’s a little shit like that.

What’s the point of lighting the place on fire? They’re distracted enough.

Did they just steal someone’s horse?

Millard no longer has any personality out of “Yeah” and “Yep.”

Emma is not nearly bitchy enough. Or at all.

The house is gorgeous! It looks just like I imagined it!

What the fuck, why is Miss Peregrine so young? I know I mentioned this before but what the fuck.

“Right on time”?

“I had to kill them twice this month” WHAT. MISS PEREGRINE DOESN’T KILL UNLESS NECESSARY

Miss Peregrine is not nearly this creepy in the book.

THAT’S NOT ENOCH.

Why does he sound mildly Scottish? He’s from London and has a slight cockney accent.

From now own, every time I see Enoch, 5 years are taken off my life.

Why is Fiona 11 and English? She’s supposed to be in her late teens and Irish – not to mention, SHE DOESN’T TALK!

I don’t think Fiona’s powers make things huge.

“Imm-breen” it’s “imm-brinn”

Do the twins have names?

Claire looks cute!

I don’t think Millard, no matter his age, would be very interested in physical activity. He’s a brains over brawn kind of type, you know?

Kind of uncharacteristic of Hugh to send his bees after a friend.

I’m gonna cry. At least one of my babies looks right.

Horace feels… off. All the components of his personality are certainly there, but in different degrees than in the book.

I’m sorry, what? A daily chore that’s reset by the loop? Miss P, these are kids and teenagers! They’ll get bored of doing that every day! I know because I am a teenager!

That squirrel would be going crazy and scratching her up. I know this is a nitpick but squirrels are vicious, man.

Was this scene the only reason they swapped Emma and Olive’s peculiarities?

Why are her shoes so hard to take off? What if she has to get away in an emergency? She’s fucked!

Why’s it so hard to pull her down?

Emma doesn’t seem to heartbroken over Abe’s death. In the book, she bawled upon overhearing that he died.

This dialogue barely hints at Emma and Abe having a romantic relationship, making only people who read the book know this information. Non-book readers might just assume they were close friends.

Of course, instead of borrowing Victor’s clothes he has to borrow Abe’s.

God, am I the only one that hates looking at Finlay? He’s not ugly – a bit handsome actually! -- he’s just… kind of weird looking.

So… Olive is good friends with Enoch? Don’t get how they got that out of the book when they have no interactions in the first book.

His dolls are meant to be made of clay! Now he just looks like an older Sid.

The stop motion is terrible.

So, they care enough about Enoch’s character to remember that his parents ran a funeral parlor, but not enough to make him his actual character.

Did he not see Millard’s silverware moving? Did no one see it?

So, Enoch is clearly mad at the statement Horace made, so why hold back your retort by whispering? Was he sick on this day of filming?

No one needs that much carrot.

Hugh’s been living there for 70 years; pretty sure he’d never forget to put his net on.

Wait, so he remembered to bring it with him, but not to put it on?

S L U R M P

“She’s embarrassed in front of Jake.” Uh, Hugh, I think you flubbed your line, it’s “Claire don’t eat with the rest of us.”

Oh, thank god, she has the same peculiarity.

I’m crying, Claire is so adorable!

Enoch’s a bigger asshole than I remember him being in the books.

Although it wasn’t in the book, I do like the inclusion of the call from Abe. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I still like it.

Would Horace really be comfortable sharing his dreams – especially via projector?

“Some of his dreams are prophetic,” shouldn’t ‘some’ be ‘most’? Everyone’s dreams can hold some form of future-telling, albeit in an abstract way. If only some of his dreams are prophetic, that barely makes him peculiar.

I don’t get why Horace’s dreams are at all symbolic. They should be literal.

Why did he see Ms. Avocet get kidnapped when she, in fact, didn’t?

“Horace must’ve just had a bad dream, that’s all.” HIS DREAMS ARE PROPHETIC.

Wait, so they have a phonograph outside? And it works?

Why make Miss P creepier, but tone down the creepiness of the reset scene? Think of it: 9 children you barely know wearing gasmasks are singing an old song you don’t know to the tune of bombs falling. That’s a lot scarier than listening to the song on a phonograph.

I just remembered: they never offered the reason why Cairnholm gets bombed. In the book, it’s stated that the island had a sort of anti-aircraft gun which made it a target, but here the Germans simply bomb it to be seen as more evil than they already are.

I do admit, the reset scene does look beautiful.

Jake doesn’t seem as terrified, though.

Emma learning about cellphones is pretty cute.

And we’re back to talking about Abe.

“More than a few minutes,” it’s closer to hours, days even if we’re going by Library of Souls.

Already with Ms. Avocet?

(Cinema Sins voice) Jake’s dad reminds me too much of my own father in this scene.

Okay, so I’m assuming “Mr. Barron” is some wight higher-up? I know he’s not, but for the sake of the notes let’s pretend I don’t know.

Man, he really is my dad. He acts all weird and pretends like nothing happened later.

Who dresses like that in the 21st century!? I like the aesthetic too, but you don’t see me walking around in a Rococo period dress.

No one talks like this either.

That fuckin’ dart competition’s going to get me every time.

Who the fuck rests on their bed with their shoes on?

Bronwyn is cute but… I can’t get over the fact they made her younger and erased her character.

Would it kill someone to say, “Can we try that take again?”

WHY did they make Miss Peregrine so creepy? She was never this creepy!

Yeah, and he’s trying to warn you of potential danger. Also, can I ask where the fuck he got that letter?

Every time I see Finlay’s face a deep hatred resurfaces from the darkest corners of my heart.

All the kids in that room together just chilling is cute.

OKAY THIS IS WHAT PISSES ME OFF. I know for a damn fact that Enoch would never be mean to someone who was kind to him.

In the book, Bronwyn wanted nothing more than for Enoch to wake up Victor but go off I guess.

According to the timeline, HE SHOULD BARELY KNOW ABE.

That’s not how he brings them back to life, though? It’s not like he’s doing heart surgery, it’s more like he’s just gonna smell like death (literally) for most of the day.

Enoch being there as Jake realizes Victor’s dead really takes out a lot of the punch from the scene. Having him show up afterwards (like in the book) is better since it’s more like ‘Realization -> Confrontation’ instead of just… explaining and scaring.

I don’t know if Tim’s ever been around a normal human being before but usually you don’t see their heartbeat.

Okay, so… he can’t bring people back to life, only use them as puppets. First off, that’s gross, and second, that’s a nearly useless peculiarity.

How can tears roll down Victor’s cheek if he’s never conscious anymore? Dead people are known to shed tears, but it’s after they die and are decomposing, and Victor can’t decompose because he’s in a loop!

Does Miss P just do that on a regular basis?

Wasn’t that a rowboat?

That’s carbon dioxide, you can’t breathe that.

How is she swimming? Wouldn’t she just walk? She has lead shoes on!

I don’t think skeletons keep their hair.

Well how the hell does that work?

“Air, it’s my peculiarity.” No, it is not.

I’d rather trust a bunch of information I don’t want the people I love knowing with an adult, but okay.

Wait, so Emma has the Map of Days now?! It was stressed countless times in the trilogy how much Millard loves that damn thing and you give it to EMMA?!

Okay, WHAT? Barron is the leader now!? I guess Miss Peregrine’s brothers just don’t exist now!

“Bad peculiars”? They’re ex-peculiars, because they don’t have powers anymore!

They took the kids, too, you know.

Wait, while they’re at it, didn’t this conversation take place at night?

Just tell him how Abe could see monsters, then he’ll believe. No need to be dramatic.

Hollowgasts sure as fuck would not loop along with the townspeople, they’d be free to roam around or they’d get left behind. Also, Victor died AFTER the loop was made! He got tired of living there and tried to leave and died THIS IS SUCH A SIMPLE STORY TIM.

Did I mention that I hate how the hollowgasts look?

You could have told him earlier but okay.

I don’t remember any of this from the book.

“Tired of living in loops.” Caul was tired of peculiardom being a ‘matriarchy.’ Yes, there were some problems with how peculiar boys who could turn into birds were treated but overall Caul was crazy and narcissistic.

I guess there are only 13 wights, opposed to hundreds or even thousands.

Also, why are they all upper-class? I’d assume a lot would be lower.

Didn’t they also blow up half of Siberia?

EYEBALLS? It’s from consuming their souls! I guess Tim just wanted to put in some ugly ass imagery.

Wait, why are they still eating? They’re fine now!

Almost forgot Millard was in this fucking movie.

But they weren’t even going to try it again! It was a ploy! And why hold it where a normal person could find it!?

This ‘leaving’ bullshit pisses me off because it’s breaking so many fucking rules. Hollows can’t enter loops so leaving is more dangerous than staying, which is what she chose to do in the book!

Claire is so cute.

Makes a bit more sense that an old blind man on his own died than a healthy, (I’m assuming) mid-age museum curator but okay.

This is probably the dumbest thing Jake has ever done. Surely, he knows that normal people can go in, but that they can’t enter through the loop, right? And he could potentially also be a danger, so why call out to him?

This reveal isn’t nearly as powerful as the one in the book. By doing his other voices from previous identities he’d taken before to watch over Jacob, he intimidated him and by finally revealing himself as Dr. Golan, he immediately made the one normal person that Jacob felt a bit safe around a danger and in that moment, he realizes what he had done by telling him everything.

Okay, here’s why I’m pissed they made Dr. Golan a woman. Reason 1 is because it shows that Tim wanted to make the wights really overpowered by letting them keep their peculiarites, and reason 2 (separate of reason 1) is because they didn’t make the rest of their identities women. Like just make a lady ornithologist and have her be a peculiar who can turn into a bird but can’t control time, making her feel self-worth incredibly low and hate ymbrynes. It took me a minute to think this up, Tim.

That’s not how you take off contacts.

Did this fucker really think he could take on an adult?

Hollowgasts can’t enter loops but okay.

This is a bit of a nitpick but the fact that Jake was used as a hostage instead of Hugh just shows how much they didn’t give a shit about the other kids unless they had a relationship cookin’ for them.

So, she has a crossbow, but she’ll just go down without a fight? That’s not like her at all!

This is NOT the time to be petty, Wal-Mart brand Enoch.

I just realized that Horace has like 4 lines and now I’m sad.

I would be so happy that instead of turning into a bird and leaving that Miss Peregrine just fucking decked him. It’s a lot more in character than just letting them take her.

I don’t remember Miss Peregrine trusting a 16-year-old with the lives of 9 kids but okay.

One of the few good things this movie brought me was a peregrine falcon sound so I could look it up and see if it was accurate. I then found a video of a sweet old man filming a peregrine falcon’s call and providing quiet commentary. Just felt that was worth mentioning.

Since when did Jacob become good at strategy?

Cute scene, but it means nothing to me.

Okay I guess Miss Avocet never mattered.

Just destroy Wal-Mart brand Enoch, please.

Why does Fiona have the most lines out of the neglected kids? She only had 2 lines in the whole book!

That bomb would be enough to take care of it, but okay go ahead and shoot it.

Olive seems pretty in-control of her peculiarity, so why give her gloves?

“It’s only 6 months old.” What?

Time travel is bullshit. Also, I don’t think it works like that?

“I know you’ll choose Abe.” Well, duh, I’d rather see my grandfather again than some cute girl I met a few days ago that barely even seems to like me that well.

Okay, so the movie I’m watching is really choppy and cuts at random parts and it just cut in the middle of a sentence Wal-Mart brand Enoch was saying and I couldn’t be happier.

Yeah, but the loop entrances are usually in places normal people won’t go. (ex. Miss P’s loop entrance, Miss Thrush’s loop entrance, etc.) Seems dumb to put it on a ride. Imagine sending your kids on there and when the cart comes back one of them is missing?

Okay, so there’s only 4 hollows and 6 wights left according to the movie. Why are they all so afraid of them then?!

In the book, a lot of them were trained to handle guns, and in the movie they still have their peculiarities – so WHY are they not attacking Emma as soon as they see her!?

I’m pretty sure that in the book Jacob had been seeing Dr. Golan much longer than 3 weeks.

Yeah, Florida’s a hellhole, to be quite honest.

I guess no one cares about a floating girl in the sky. I don’t see any iPhone’s out recording.

Never mind, I see one (1). I should see much more, though.

How would the hearts stay in the skeletons? There’s nothing for them to hold onto.

Is there no staff at this place?

How are these skeletons in general staying together?

This fight is pretty dangerous. They’re exposing normal people to peculiardom.

Okay, so now the wights use their peculiarities to fight.

Horace saved lives at least 3 times but I guess he’s just useless now according to the movie.

Man, Tim, you sure did a good job of creating strong female characters! /s

How is Mr. Barron not dead? She lifted the boat out of water and the closer you get to the bottom of the ocean the more pressure you’ve gotta deal with.

3 cheers for this forced romance! Hip-hip! (Boo)

This 16-year-old doesn’t need to tell these women what to do.

Why is Miss Peregrine in a different cage?

I guess Barron just had some blue eye contacts on him.

How did the hollow get down there?

I guess Jake’s a perfect shot now, since it’s convenient.

(vomit noises)

Again, time travel is bullshit. Wouldn’t there be another Jake walking around?

Wait, they’re still there?

Hurray for more terrible loop entrances!

In the book, this would be the second time they had kissed but okay.

Never knew that birds could just be stationary while in the sky.

Wait, so she just… keeps her clothes? Trust me, I don’t want to see a naked woman in something other than an art piece or otherwise but that was a rule that they had in the book.

Well that was a load of shit. At least with the ending there can’t be a sequel.

[bwicblog]

EE: Hellooo

EE: ånyone here?

JV: --ok how do we have so many nerds -n th-s group that an h - s t o r - c a l fa-re makes th-s place dead

JV: --sup ee

SA: i am alive.

SA: hello.

AC: Ø Oh, Prisma! Are you all right in the back? Ø

AC: Ø I'm busy out front, but I can get you anything in a few minutes if you want. Ø

EE: Hey JV EE: Seems like most of the people here åre gone somewhere

SA: yes. my neck hurts but otherwise I am fine. Thank you for helping me.

SA: they are at the faire in Cascara.

AC: Ø It's no problem! And yes, many of us are at the historical fair. .u. Ø

AC: Ø It's very busy! Though Emerel and Hadean's fight hasn't happened yet, that's later. Ø

AP: I'm there too.

AC: Ø ouo!!! really, Budino? Ø

AP: I've been selling what I bake.

AC: Ø Where are you? I'd love to come see you! Ø

AP: Last minute booth entry

AC: Ø Um, if you wouldn't mind that Ø

AP: Cobblestreet Alley

AP: I don't mind. I'm giving out samples, too.

AP: Apparently people buy more when they get to taste.

AC: Ø Ooh, that's a bit of a walk, but I'm sure Pheres will let me have a break in a bit. As long as Prisma's all set I'll go visit you! Ø

AC: Ø I'm glad you're getting lots of customers Ø

SA: yes, it's because they know the product isn't secretly bad.

AC: Ø Pffft Ø

SA: this is a logical advertising scheme.

AP: My product's never been bad.

AP: I taste everything myself before I send out the batch.

AC: Ø People in general won't know how delicious it is though. .u. Ø

AP: Point being. AP: Free samples.

SA: I am fine. I could watch the booth while you are gone, AC. Pheres permission or not.

AC: Ø .n. hmmm, maybe, you don't know our products very well, though! Ø

SA: but I don't want to miss Hadean's fight. I have to see who else they destroy today.

AC: Ø Some of the people here are real sticklers about knowledge, too Ø

AC: Ø Haha, I'm sure you won't miss it, it's not until later Ø

SA: I suppose that's true also... I don't know very much about clothes.

AP: Who is Hadean fighting?

AC: Ø Neither do I. .u. I sympathize Ø

AC: Ø Emerel! Or well, he's MN on here Ø

AP: Clothes are for...covering yourself, pretty much. AP: Then again, I never got into the fashion thing.

AP: Oh. Him. AP: Please tell Hadean to give him a punch to the face for me.

AC: Ø .n. but Emerel's my friend Ø

EE: ooohh, whåt do you måke?

AP: It's our thing. AP: He keeps complaining I stole his sign.

AP: I bake. Bread, cakes, pastries, you name it. AP: I have a booth set up here.

AC: Ø .u. but that's not how that works...at least not according to Kit Ø

AP: Someone should tell Emerel that, then.

AC: Ø .n. but I don't pretend to understand it very well. I...I don't want him to be mad at me Ø

AP: Honestly, he doesn't strike me as the type to get mad easy.

AP: Just something about him, you know? It's hard to explain.

AC: Ø .n. I don't want to risk it, he's always been very nice to me Ø

SA: This emerel seems to be an eternal mystery.

AP: I wouldn't call him a mystery.

AC: Ø And Pheres would never forgive me if I upset him Ø

SA: No, but they are some sort of ambiguous figure everyone knows who everyone eitehr wishes to fight or be friends with.

AP: Maidel, why don't you come down here? I've got something for you.

AC: Ø .u. uhhh, give me... Ø

AP: Don't tell him he's a figure of mystery. His head will swell ten times bigger than it is already.

AC: Ø ...five minutes! It's not very busy right now, so Pheres said I can go. Ø

SA: larger than Pheres's?

AP: Larger than Pheres'.

AC: Ø that's just his hair .u. Ø

AC: Ø easy mistake Ø

SA: Perhaps he should invest in a comb.

AC: Ø It's so poofy Ø

SA: and a straightner.

AC: Ø Noooo, his curls are so nice Ø

AC: Ø I wish mine were nice like that Ø

EE: åw, I wish I could håve gone. EE: I love cåke

AP: I'm not particularly worried about his hair. AP: As much as I am the fact that he's hard to get along with.

AC: Ø .n. oh Ø

AP: I have a bakery in Fiendcroft, outside of Hithliene. AP: You're welcome to stop by there sometime.

AC: Ø Budino makes really good bread! Ø

AP: I try.

AP: Thank you.

EE: omg!!!

EE: I'll håve to måke the trip next time I get some leåve time

EE: Fresh breåd is heåven

AP: I agree.

AP: If heaven was real, fresh bread would be where you'd find it.

SA: it's fresh treats.

AP: That is generally what bread is, yes.

SA: No. Bread is the wrong kind of treat.

SA: I mean desserts.

SA: I don't care about bread. It's bread.

AP: I make desserts.

AP: My table has plenty of chocolate on it too.

SA: but do you have tarts.

EE: Breåd cån be dessert

SA: or historically accurate treats.

AP: Apple or strawberry?

SA: neither...

SA: 😦

AP: I don't know much about history, I admit. But I did at least try to do some research.

SA: Maybe I will visit then.

AP: Please feel free.

AP: Hopefully you'll find something to your liking.

SA: Aren't you going to enjoy aything else about the faire?

AP: Probably. AP: When I run out of things to sell.

AP: It's really the only reason I'm here, though. AP: I'm not that interested in anything else at the faire.

EE: Whåt else is there to do?

AP: Socialize. Eat. Buy. That's about it.

AP: Not much point to it. The setting is the only difference to any other faire.

SA: there' so many things to look at, though. Surely they aren't all the same?

SA: We would never have something like this in Provenance.

SA: And everyone is in costumes.

SA: or.

SA: Hadean and Pheres are in costumes.

AP: I suppose I'm not very daring. It just doesn't hold much interest to me, I guess? AP: The music is nice, at least.

SA: I love the sound of greensleeves playing on an endless loop.

AP: The musician is actually very good. I give props to her.

AP: How is the faire on your end?

VV: ♚ ~Evening all~

AP: Hello.

VV: : ♚ ~mmm I'll have to acquire a little contacts book soon. There's always a fresh face or two or more anytime I come into here. How excruciatingly exciting!

AP: If you say so.

VV: : ♚ ~Oh and I do! I do say so. Here let's get the delightful introductions out of the way, darling jade. Perdia Averic, pleased to make your acquaintince, and you....?

AP: Budino.

AP: Don't call me darling, please.

AP: I just met you and that's very personal sounding.

SA: Oh, the little princess is back.

VV: ♚ ~Very well, Budino since you asked so kindly! VV: ♚ ~Ooooh! My favourite mustard hued friend is here. ❤

AP: Mustard hued.

AP: Somehow that just brings up weird mental images.

SA: I don't necessarily appreciate mustard hued. I would like at least a honey, little princess.

SA: It is rather strange.

VV: ♚ ~ Weird images? Dijon is rather high class in terms of condiments but if you prefer honey, then honey it is.......honey mustard

AP: Why not saffron?

AP: It's rare depending on where you are, expensive, and yellow.

AP: It's a much nicer thing than mustard.

SA: What makes me so mustardy...

SA: Yes, but I am less of a saffron. in all honesty, I am more of a chartreuse.

SA: but most chat clients don't accomodate for that. so.

SA: Here am, with the least apalling version of my color.

AP: Sounds fancy.

VV: ♚ ~It does sound appealingly fancy!

VV: : ♚ ~Very well Honeycomb prince, we'll shed your mustardy name then.

VV: ♚ ~ I feel you're smart enough to not lie about your hue so I'll believe it.

SA: I can show you a selfie, if you would prefer that.

SA: My scelera are the same color as my blood, so there is no way to hide them.

SA: 😃

VV: ♚ ~ I would! I've shared photos here before, so we can do a trade even if you desire.

SA has shared SelfiePart2.png

AP: What happened with your eyes?

AP: Psionics that don't turn off or?

SA: No, it is a completely natural cosmetic differentiation.

SA: I have met other trolls with the same thing, but they are oftentimes from the north or east.

SA: Not the south, like I am.

SA: Or the approximate south, I assume.

SA: I prefer honeycomb prince much more, thank you.

VV: ♚ ~Ah! Someone actually deserving of such a title too, I must admit you aren't horrendous to look at quite the opposite really !

VV: Friendly and a charmer, such a rarity 😦

VV: ♚ ~ Budino, since you brought up hue related....alterations, mm there's a better word for that but no matter, since you brought it up, are you perhaps, one of those incredibly pale jades or do you still happen to not glow like a star?

AP: Drinkers don't exist, Perdia.

AP: It's myth.

AP: And you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

SA: 😊

SA: You are very polite yourself, little princess. I am happy to meet someone so composed.

SA: Rainbow drinkers might exist. It is as believable as a psion being able to lift a skyscraper, or change a city.

SA: I think it's a perfectly acceptable notion, if romantic.

AP: No, they don't.

AP: I know my own caste.

AP: The only dead that walk are covered in mushrooms or what have you.

VV: ♚ ~ Mmm I don't believe you.

SA: they are called cordycepus, sometimes.

AP: You say that like I'm trying to lie to you. AP: But whatever.

AP: Don't believe me. I don't really care either way.

VV: : ♚ ~Are you simply being secretive, maybe, Budino?

AP: You don't matter much in the grand course of my life, after all.

VV: ♚ ~I suppose that's true. Just as it may be true there aren't Drinkers, at least...you wouldn't be one I guess. They're lovely with skin like porceline. Something to be jealous of and write amazing romance novels of but, why would anyone write of a jade who's so crude and uncaring?

VV: ♚ ~Let alone read it I guess! Hehe

AP: Trust me, I'd love to be dead. But unfortunately, that's not in the cards yet, apparently. AP: I'd rather they didn't write about me anyway. There's nothing to say.

AP: He made bread and wrangled a barkfiend. Nothing interesting happened. The end.

VV: ♚ ~Something of a sticky note rather than a novel, yes?

AP: More like AP: A napkin

SA: mistake.

VV: ♚ ~What sort of napkin do you think? A diner or, perhaps one of a fast foodery?

AP: Perfect.

SA: many people find the idea of someone being cruel but able to win over to be a romantic notion.

SA: rainbow drinker literature is like that.

SA: they are mystical and vicious and alluring with a predatorial and authoritive quality over most trolls.

SA: but it's boring as a psion. they are inferior.

SA: If you feel your life is such a tale written on a mcdonald's napkin, perhaps you should do something about it instead.

VV: ♚ ~Oh but there's plenty of militaristic novels. I may not partake in such trashy readings but there are others I know that partake in reading Helmsmen romanticized books!

VV: ♚ ~Psion romanticism is just bubbling under the surface waiting to take the market of literature, Honey prince.

AP: Wish fulfillment sells.

SA: If only that were the case, perhaps I would have a quadrant by now

SA: there is an aspect of forbidden love to psions. They are doomed and property.

SA: and yet.

SA: also, what AP said.

SA: What do you read, little princess.

VV: ♚ ~Unfortunatley a busy schedule such as mine doesn't lend much time for such leisure! Primarily messages I guess haha!

VV: ♚ ~ You could always write your own wish fulfillment novel Budino, maybe you'd be promoted from Napkin in the bin, to say....paper liner on a table with crayons.

SA: I think that is a worse fate than the napkin in the bin. getting bulges draw on oneself is not the picture of success.

AP: I wouldn't recommend quandants AP: It never ends well

VV: ♚ ~ Or it ends wonderfully.

AP: No AP: It doesn't

SA: someone is very bitter.

SA: and very bad at hiding it.

VV: ♚ ~Correct. Once can almost find undertones of sour in the bitter .

AP: Well, I could say plenty of things about your undertones, Perdia. AP: But I'm not that rude.

VV: ♚ ~ Obviously you can't say much if after all these sweeps you can't say a damned thing about your own life.

SA: 🐱 🥊 🐱

AP: Fitting face...things.

VV: ♚ ~"things"....

VV: ♚ ~ Pardon me for a moment.

AP: Things.

VV: ♚ ~ I've returned and I hope you've managed to do a simple internet search for what those are called otherwise I'll have to excuse myself again.

AP: Things.

VV: ♚ ~......Budino, how old are you exactly?

AP: I could ask you the same.

SA: the pinnacle of retorts.

SA: are you proud of that one?

SA: you will need more than that to usurp me as the king of snark.

AP: ...The king of snark?

AP: I wasn't aware I was competing for the title.

AP: Do I have to wear neutral colors for this one

SA: You opened your mouth and tried to get clever.

AP: I guess I'm competing for a previously unknown title, then.

AP: Well then.

VV: ♚ ~ I didn't even think you were close to being in the running.

VV: ♚ ~Also it's incredibly rude to ask a lady her age, and the only ones that even do such a thing tend to be.....rather uncouth so actually yes that seems fitting for you.

SA: 😃

AP: And it's also rude to make demands of a stranger.

SA: we're going to go in circles with this. 🙃

AP: Yes.

VV: ♚ ~Oops! I hadn't noticed I'm not paying too much attention actually, hehe

SA: please don't leave me.

VV: ♚ ~Do I entertain you that much? Or is the lack of stimulating conversation from this non-drinker wearing on you?

SA: No, I am just very bored.

SA: And I like company.

AP: I've never been called a non-drinker as an insult before. AP: I don't know how I feel about this.

SA: yes, you are a typical, average troll, with no ability of note or life of interest.

SA: Like almost all of us.

SA: I don't know whose side i'm on anymore.

SA: I enjoy this orange drink, however.

AP: Is it the fizzy one?

SA: yes.

SA: You are the grape one.

AP: The red one is better, honestly.

SA: little princess is the strawberry one.

AP: It tastes more like cherries.

SA: the best.

AP: I hear they're making a lemon fizz, though.

SA: a mistake

AP: Honestly, that sounds like organ disintegration waiting to happen.

AP: You just drink it down and...everything melts.

SA: there is a melon flavored powerade and that's all i need to know that this planet must be destroyed.

AP: Goodbye world

AP: May you never again taint the universe with melon powerade.

VV: ♚ ~Thats....atrocious.

AP: And that is why this planet must be destroyed

VV: ♚ ~I'd agree but I do have some plans before that happens. I've worked rather hard to get some business in order and finished up practice for a show! I'd hate to have the world end and ruin all my hard work....

VV: ♚ ~ We'll have to reschedule the destruction

AP: No

AP: It cannot be rescheduled

AP: Your show is cancelled

SA: it can be rescheduled for little princess.

SA: but only her highness.

AP: But how do we know she's the real princess

AP: And not an imposter

VV: ♚ ~My, my well I'd think a psionic, if anyone, of course would be able to put destruction on hold.

VV: ♚ ~Imposter? You wound me so...And I fear for damage to your skull if you are mistaking someone as lovely but also rosey hued as I to be an heiress.

VV: ♚ ~ For you I truly hope drinkers are real, our time together can't be cut so short Budino 😦

VV: ♚ ~ We haven't even promoted you to soiled linens yet for your life novel!

AP: No, I'm quite fine with our time together being cut short AP: I'm too busy being blinded by your imposter crowns

VV: ♚ ~ They are rather dazzling aren't they...?

VV: ♚ ~ Would you like one?

AP: Anything to fix my pan damage

VV: Very well I'll drop this one just for you, generosity is a hobby one should dabble in occasionally!

AP: I am honored, your highness

VV: ♚ ~Aw so you can be sweet! I knew it was in there somewhere. It simply needs some bribery and a touch of planetary disaster on the horizon. Tell me Budino, are you political at all? You'd be rather good at it I think.

AP: My first political act is to reschedule planetary disaster

SA: is generosity a hobby or a trait...

SA: i think to dabble in it is too easy.

VV: ♚ ~ Is that so, dear honeycomb?

SA: No, I am rescheduling certain disaster.

SA: stop trying to usurp my one responsibility.

SA: I do not appreciate this.

SA: i think the crowns are cute.

AP: Certain disaster is now rescheduled

AP: I'm the royal politician here

VV: ♚ ~ If you play nicely with Budino's new plan to reschedule planetary disaster perhaps you could get one as well.

VV: ♚ ~ There's truly no other way without resorting to some violent means to usurp the royal position yourself after all...

AP: I also schedule SA in such a way that he misses the date of our duel AP: Thereby rendering me the winner by default

VV: ♚ ~ How underhanded! But clever! I'd of course have gone about it differently but the effort and use of your hues new power is nice.

AP: I wear this badge with pride

SA: I will murder you with ease.

AP: Not when you miss the duel you won't

VV: ♚ ~ My fair maiden heart can't handle such intensity ...

SA: your fair maiden heart has already chosen AP as your champion, as you are pleased to see him using dishonest and unhonorable means of winning the duel.

SA: You are no longer my little princess.

SA: Hadean is my new little prince.

VV: ♚ ~ Ah--

VV: ♚ ~ I could almost weep...You would me my prince....

VV: ♚ ~ I hadn't chosen a champion I simply was commending him-- I see you're the jealous type however oh no

SA: You didn't even slap them on the wrist....

SA: yes. Very jealous. My little princess must be mine and mine alone.

SA: clearly.

AP: Well this isn't turning into an unfortunate anime

VV: ♚ ~Very well then it is so! Whisk me away now before the royal Jade's rescheduled planetary destruction occurs! hehe

VV: ♚ ~ I believe you mean highest rating Novella

SA sends kisskissthisisfuckingridiculous.png

AP: AP sent Iseethatandraiseyouthis.png

SA: my princess already said her heart was mine, how dare you.

SA: put your hand down before i slap it.

AP: AP Sent Talktothehand.png

SA: 😡

AP: Hmph

VV: ♚ ~Perhaps you two should schedule another duel, oh goodness.

SA: why, so you can cheat on me again... i think not.

AP: The only weapon allowed is the white glove

SA: oh so it's a sissy fight.

SA: I see.

AP: Hell if I know AP: I just saw some guy hitting another guy with a white glove earlier

SA: if there is no blood it is not a real duel.

VV: ♚ ~ I am not one to cheat I promise you my honeycomb prince. Fret not. I'm a proper lady after all~

VV: ♚ ~So brutish! Yet admirable. 😲

SA: 🤺

VV: ♚ ~ For traditional standards of our species at least

AP: Hold on let me look through this emotional dictionary

SA: it's a fencer.

AP: 🗡

AP: ...That was not what I wanted but I'll take it

SA: 🔫

VV: ♚ ~ !!

SA: put them up.

SA: I will not be trifled with.

SA: 🔫

AP: ☠

SA: victory

AP: 🦈

AP: This is kind of...fun

AP: I'm not used to that

SA: your edge is showing again.

AP: 🐺

AP: 🐹

AP: I can't believe I ignored this dictionary

SA: little princess 💍

SA: emojis are wonderful.

SA: sometimes i can't find words, and they are very useful.

AP: 🌹

VV: ♚ ~ !!! oh my

VV: ♚ ~ My poor delicate heart can't possibly pump so much to such a rouged face! VV: ♚ ~ A virtual glittering stone for me from a prince. What a delightful night of deathly duels.

AP: 💠 I too offer diamonds your highness

VV: ♚ ~ I accept but on different emotional terms from Prisma's as it wouldn't be polite to upset the duel winner.

AP: But does his diamond have a dot inside

VV:♚ ~ Not inside but outside for wearability!

VV: ♚ ~ Which I would bet is rather important as a feature

AP: It looks like I've lost AP: I must resign in shame from my post

AP: I will exile myself to the furthest reachers of the galaxy

AP: Where I may yet locate my ancestor who has become unexpectedly evil

VV: ♚ ~ I'll have to wish you both a good light then with that turn of events! I'd say it's for beauty rest but I'd be silly use rest for such a thing considering how I already am~ VV: ♚ ~ Good light exiled Budino and Honeycomb Prince.

SA: I apologize, I had to free myself from the booth.

SA: good light, little princess.

AP: See you around your highness

AP: Or I won't because I'm in exile

AP: But goodbye in spirit

SA: I need to go find the others, AP. I'm sorry I can't stay.

SA: until next time 🤺

AP: ☘ I tried to use shame but accept this nice leaf instead. Since shame isn't there

AP: See ya

SA: (shamrock)

AP: (It's a very nice leaf)

[shirtysleeves]

From Musæum Clausum

OR

BIBLIOTHECA ABSCONDITA

CONTAINING SOME REMARKABLE BOOKS, ANTIQUITIES, STATION & MOTION PICTURES & RARITIES OF SEVERAL KINDS, SCARCE OR NEVER SEEN BY ANY MAN, WO OR OTHERWISE, NOW LIVING

17. The Obviator (NBC; 1986-1988; running time: 48 minutes; 73 episodes; starring Edward Woodward, Patrick Macnee, and Patrick McGoohan).  NBC’s merely intermittently successful “Monday Night Football-trouncer” (as NBC president Brandon Tartikoff described the series in an intra-office memo) about a man whose job is to get people out of the way in the most literal sense (as series-creator Reinhold Weege [Barney Miller, Night Court, etc.] described the show in a pitching-tag that in the series’ third and final season [in UKspeak: the show’s third and final series] was incorporated into a quietly stentorian Don LaFontaine-voiced voiceover of an Incredible Hulk-style montage sequence leading into the opening credits]) has been universally hailed in retrospect by television critics as the most salient forerunner of such utterly irreproachable and 24/7, 7/52, and 52/10 oral gratification-exacting drama-series (or shows) as House, Breaking Bad, and Dexter, series (or shows) centering on a so-called morally ambiguous protagonist, in this case the unnamed title character, played by Woodward.  The lengthy (2-3 min.) opening scene of each of the show’s (or series’) first 59 episodes was of an ascot and cognac snifter-acting-exacting, beveled walnut wainscoting-swathed tête-à-tête conference between the two senior administrative figures (Macnee, McGoohan) of the Organization (in UK-distributed versions: Organisation) That Shall Not Be Named under any Circumstances, or OTSaNBeNuaC.  Minus a bit of preliminary “How’s the wife’s lumbago?”-style small talk, each of these conferences consisted entirely of a highly circumstantial briefing of McGoohan by Macnee (or, from Episode 43 onwards, Macnee by McGoohan, reportedly as a consequence of some behind-the-scenes rank-pulling on McGoohan’s part [“I was on Columbo as a villain twice—once as the commandant of a military academy and again as the CIA’s most-wanted double intelligence agent, both of which appearances self-evidently blow away your single supporting non-villainic appearance as a bloody twopenny-halfpenny bumbling cruise-ship captain in shorts,” he screamed during lunch at the studio canteen whilst menacing Macnee with a prawn fork-impaled custard blancmanche of potentially asphyxiating dimensions, according to Rona Barrett] on some ostensibly potentially world “peace”-annihilating or saving event—a summit between or among two or several major nation-State executives, a treaty-signing, a conveyance of some highly destructive weapon or highly toxic material across state (or State) lines, the walking of a major nation-State executive’s prize miniature Schipperke with a multi-milliard-dollar insurance policy autc.  At the conclusion of the briefing McGoohan (or, from episode 43 onwards Macnee) would lower (though not set down) his snifter, frown with seeming worried thought, and query Macnee (ditto, mutatis mutandis), “But what about [the surname of the obviatee, generally some utterly untranscribable syllable-string of apparently Slavic, Magyar, or Indian- Subcontinental {though never east-Asian, owing to the microepochal geopolitical necessity of offending neither the Chinese nor the Japanese nor the Vietnamese nor the Filipinos} origin]?”  To which query Macnee (ditto simpliciter), holding his half-full snifter aloft within inches of his lips, would reply with chilling equanimity, “Oh, he [or she]’s been obviated, of course,” and then drain the glass in one gulp.  The remainder of the episode would consist of a single protracted flashback dramatizing the circumstances leading to the obviatee’s obviation by Woodward only minutes—and, indeed, sometimes even only seconds—before the commencement of the potentially world “peace”-annihilating or saving event. The central turbine of the episode’s suspense-dynamo was the audience’s initial unawareness of whether the obviatee was ultimately to be obviated qua indispensable instrument of the attainment of OTSaNBeNuaC’s objectives or qua insufferable obstacle to that attainment—hence, whether he or she was to be saved from destruction or consigned to it; whether in obviating the obviatee Woodward was to rescue him or her or bump him or her off.  So, for example, on the salvational obviational hand, in Episode 27, “A Knight to Re-Member,” in which the PW“P”-A/SE is the fitting-out of the British foreign secretary, Sir Roger Twitt-Thornwaite (Charles Gray), with a prosthetic penis containing a so-called listening device or bug, the obviatee,  a master de-fluffer (a young Hugh Laurie) charged with forestalling an inevitably cover-annihilating erection of Sir Roger’s non-prosthetic membrum virile has to be got(ten) out of the way of the highly radioactive glutinous polonium discharges of a Soviet assassin (an old George Pravda)’s so-called double-dong water pistol. (Naturally such a highly off-colo(u)r or blue scenario occasioned many a demurral from the NBC censors, but in the end the excision of even the most marginal meta-priapistic components of the script was obviated by a resourceful combination of verbal innuendo and film-editing.)  A fine example of the other, destructive obviational hand is furnished by Episode 67, “As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Weep,” in which Woodward is tasked to lure an obdurately recumbent 23-stone (146-kilogram) female pig (Sonya, who, incidentally, at the time was pregnant with Suky, the principal non-animatronic portrayer of the eponym of the 1995 cinematic international smash hit Babe [such that one may readily infer that no actual pig suffered any great harm {at least any great non-psychological harm} during the filming of Obviator Episode 67]) from athwart a two-lane stretch of U.S. Highway 301, and into a custom-built “slaughter cabana,” to make way for a convoy of Camp David-bound MX missiles.  Throughout the first nine-tenths of his share of this episode, Woodward’s comportment towards the pig is so gentle, playful, and indeed amorous (at one point he serenades her to the Spanish-guitar-strummed strains of Lorca and Shostakovich’s “Malagueña” with a long-stemmed rose clenched between his teeth) that the viewer can be forgiven for all the while supposing that he or she is in for a denouement of the same jib-cut as that of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.  It is only when, at about 40:03, Woodward moves off to the shoulder and starts waving a red cape at Sonya that the viewer even begins to suspect that he may have a destiny less ingratiating than cross-species matrimony in mind for her.  The spike in ratings numbers occasioned by this tearjerker impelled the show’s producers both to include Woodward’s psychoanalytic transference vis-à-vis his obviatee as a plot-device in every subsequent script and to postpone the moment of revelation of the determinant hand ever closer to the conclusion of the episode, such that by Episode 71, “The Perils of Pauline” (whose very title was and is a godsend of a dead giveaway to any viewer attuned to the richesses of ambiguity inherent in that wee preposition of), one sees Woodward not only falling in love with but becoming betrothed to his obviatee (Charo) by 27:32, and in the episode’s final half-dozen seconds, he is seen sawing away the ropes binding her to a railway track in the immediate path of an oncoming train; but no sooner has the last bit of twine been severed than the camera cranes back to reveal that the track is only inches away from a terrifyingly high steep cliff edge down which Pauline-stroke-Charo precipitously tumbles to her death and Woodward’s unmistakable gratification.  Ever keen to rub the viewer’s nose in the moral ambiguity and psychological complexity of their protagonist, the producers invariably rolled the closing credits of each episode over a micro-scene palpably set during the evening after the obviation, a micro-scene in which Woodward was to be observed either celebrating or mourning depending on whether he had bumped off or saved, respectively, the obviatee.  Thus, under the CCs of “The Perils of Pauline” one sees him reveling in a brothel with a half-naked doxy on either brimful champagne flute-bearing arm (L: Claudia Schiffer, R: Cindy Crawford); whereas under those of “A Knight to Re-Member” he is seen brooding in a manifestly inexpensive hotel (or possibly even motel) room over a brimful ashtray and alternating jiggers of two different mid-shelf bourbon-style whiskeys (Jim Beam and Schlomo Minkowitz, respectively).  The deafness induced by the groundbreakingness of this scene is surpassed in intensity only by the blindness induced by the brightness of the limitless prospects consequently opened up.