#when in fact if you truly un-gendered the ideas of mother and father you could make a complex mother or father of her

[lukazade2electricboogaloo]

When people refer to batman/Bruce as motherly I end up in a feedback loop of;

Yeah, we can detach the terms mother and father from being feminine for masculine things, he can be a mother just as a single mother can call herself a father if she likes.

But that's not what anyone means by that. They mean "caring makes him a mother/more feminine because that's what mothers/feminine parents do" and he can't be a "father" unless he's being mean, rude, or neglectful.

Like, these things are both true and so they ping-pong back and forth every time someone calls him motherly..

Literally just a loop of "fathers can be loving but fathers don't have to be men mothers can be leaderly but don't have to be women"

[gvldntrbl]

&&. cauldron above, ( geneva d'amati tulloch ) was just spotted in the fae lands — word has it ( she ) is/are affiliated with ( dawn court ). ( she ) is a(n) ( 83 / appears 31 ) year old ( high fae ). it’s been said that ( she ) resembles ( logan browning ). ( she ) has been said to be ( creative & clever ) but also quite ( candid & amiable ). ( she ) is currently serving as ( custom clothier ).  @ahqstart​

BASICS

Name: Geneva D’Amati Tulloch Nicknames/Alias: Gen, Genny, Eva, Skye (close family) Face Claim: Logan Browning Age: 83 / appears 31 Gender: Female Sexuality: Pansexual Species: High Fae Rank: Custom Clothier, Owner of D’Amati House of Fashion (Lumenopolis); Dawn Court

PERSONALITY

Geneva reminds one of the first glimmer of sunlight after a starless night. Or a literal breath of fresh air. There’s a captivating sense about her. The curiosity that she has about the world reflects itself heavily in her work. Since childhood, a favorite inquiry of hers is two worded. Why? Or why not?

A proper child of Dawn, Geneva’s more inclined to relate to the arts. While her siblings and friends felt drawn to painting, music or literature - she hearkened the call of fashion. Specifically, the thin grasps of ideals and designs that ultimately culminated in its creation. As the youngest child of an adept merchant and negotiator, Geneva’s interest in design and fashion were indulged. Even encouraged.

RELATIONSHIPS

Parents: Celestia D’Amati Tulloch (mother - deceased), Lorenzo D’Amati  (adoptive father - alive; merchant in dawn court), Jacques DuBois (biological father - alive; duke of night court) Siblings/Family: Two older siblings from her parents. Geneva is the baby of the family. Assumed unknown siblings from Enzo’s side.

Spouse: N/A Current Partner/Mate: N/A Current Allies: Whichever court(s) is an ally/are allies of Dawn Enemies: Whichever court(s) is an enemy/are enemies of Dawn

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Hair Colour: Black Eye Colour: Blue Distinguishing Marks/Fun Facts: Geneva’s hair and fashion sense are the most noticeable, depending on the day. Geneva is fluent in Italian and Gaelic. She’s learning Arabic with hopes to open a second boutique in the Golden City at Day Court.

BIOGRAPHY

Geneva carried the two names of her family out of pride, love and respect. Her mother, Celestia Tulloch was a high fae from an old family within dawn. Not one for politics - instead the Tulloch clan were known for the artists they produced. Of which, Celestia continued the tradition. It was how she met Lorenzo D’Amati, Geneva’s father, an immensely charming lesser fae merchant whose nature aided greatly in his success. Born and raised in Dawn Court, Geneva understood complex ideas as simple. Such as the ease and normality upon which her parents open marriage was presented. While Celestia and Enzo were in love - it did not hinder the couple from indulging in others. From time to time. Which was why Geneva gave no merit to the whispers she’d hear when her appearance was compared to Enzo’s. Or better yet, the older siblings that her parents had before her. Not that children born of their parents’ lovers were taboo. They were not. At least in Geneva’s experience.

Geneva only heeded the rumors when her magic of daydreaming and dream walking failed to reveal itself. The young fae’s wings and heart matched her home court. But appeared that her magic did not. It was a worrisome time. Geneva being unable to fully feel a part of her home. The choice to blend in and join her friends in developing and progressing their illusory magic did not exist. The rite of passage to dream walk with her friends eluded her. And the magic of her siblings, of her mother and ancestors, it seemed had denied her. Truly, Geneva felt like an imposter. A high fae without magic was well... essentially human. Regardless of the wings. It was during that time that Geneva designed more, created more pieces of fashions, in an effort to make sense of her life. To be able to understand something. From this, the idea for the D’Amati House of Fashion arose.

Until the shadows began to move. Literally. From her own imagination, Geneva fashioned dark creatures at night. While she was born and raised in dawn, it seemed that she was a child of night. Only when both Celestia and Lorenzo sat Geneva down did she learn the nature of her father. ...Not Enzo. Another high fae from night court. While the animosity between their courts crest and waned, it seemed the passions between that of Celestia and her un-named lover from night court had not. And thus, Geneva was made. The news was surprising. Even moreso when Geneva learned that she could not learn the name of her father. As it was not time. A private tutor was sent for and secretly, Geneva learned how to develop her magic.

For a time, it seemed that was all that encompassed her life. Fashion and magic. The two hand in hand. One embraced in the light, the other hidden away in the night. Finally, Geneva was given his name. Better yet, Celestia dream walked with Geneva. Something her mother had done times before. But it was different, that time. She revealed his face to Geneva, sparkling blue eyes that she’d recognize anywhere for they were her own. ‘You’ve always asked why I called you, Skye.’ Celestia shared. ‘The answer to your question is tri-fold. One is what you’ve always heard, that you are my little sky. Two, that your eyes match its color. And the third is that your eyes are his.’ Unbeknownst to Geneva, that would be the last time she dream walked with Celestia. The highfae had grown ill and, finally at peace with whatever awaited her, Celestia shared one final truth with Geneva. Her father’s name. She wanted her daughter to have all the love available to her from those that could give it. It was why she waited so long, Geneva learned. The timing, according to Celestia, had not been right. But now was. It seemed the young fae had another father to find. Or... rather to learn.

[onlysmagic]

🌌  ———  MEET CORDELIA .

hey hey hey! it's me, honey, back again. i've miss everyone so very much. how have you all been? good, i hope. for the time being, i'll be playing sweet cordy again ( nothing new  . . . nothing's changed . . . still the same old cordy! ) but noah could be coming back soon ~* and maybe some new muses *~ ooOOoOOh. as always, hit the heart for a new old friend and i'll im you to get the party started!

cordy’s stats 🌌 cordy’s wanted connections 🌌 cordy’s pinboard

thanks again for an incredibly warm welcome back! i've missed you all terribly!

🌌 —  THE STATS .

FULL   NAME *    . CORDELIA AMI WANTANABE . NICKNAMES *    CODY   ,   DELIA   ,   CORDY . AGE *    TWENTY-FOUR . DATE   OF   BIRTH *    APRIL   3RD   1996 . STAR   SIGN *    ARIES . HOME   TOWN *    NARA   ,   KANSAI   ,   JAPAN . GENDER *    CIS FEMALE . SEXUALITY *    (   CLOSETED   )   BISEXUAL . NATIONALITY *    JAPANESE . ETHNICITY *    ASIAN . FAMILY *    WANTANABE   TSUYOSHI   (   FATHER   ,   MAINTENANCE   WORKER   -   JAPANESE   )   &   WANTANABE   AMI   -   FORMERLY   ITO   (   MOTHER   ,   FLORIST   -   JAPANESE-CANADIAN   ) . OCCUPATION *   UNEMPLOYED . PLAYLIST *   COMING   SOON .  QUIRK *    STELLARKINESIS   ,   OR   THE   ABILITY   TO   CREATE   AND / OR   MANIPULATE   STARS   AND   USE   THEIR   STELLAR   ENERGY  . 

🌌 —  THE STORY.

           ONCE UPON A TIME , IN A FAR-AWAY LAND known as nara , an ordinary girl is born to two parents who love her ( but cannot seem to love themselves. ) they name her cordelia and, from a young age, there was always something a little . . . off about their sweet girl. now, many parents would claim that their child glows & a light seems to follow them wherever they wander, but the wantanabes would be right.

           it isn’t until the young girl turns 10 that she realizes that no, not everyone can bend space and time to their own whim. not everyone sees the universe as a malleable thing, able to be crafted in one’s own image should they wish. in fact, she is the only one she knows who can do anything of the sort. okay, her dad has superhuman-like strength ( in that he can help her open bottles and things of that sort ) and her mother is incredibly quick-witted, but neither of them can conjure hot balls of gas and light whenever they wish. cordelia can. it’s her mother’s idea to keep it a secret, out of fear that someone could find the young girl and exile her for being so . . . different. delia doesn’t see the harm in it. what’s the worst that can happen? at that age, all she tended to do was bring a bit of starlight to the light-polluted nara and its surrounding areas. it wasn’t like she was dangerous in her mind, it’s all fun and games . . . until someone gets hurt.

           and who should get hurt? why, her beloved parents, of course. a freak accident ( a rush, a blur, not knowing where her powers could take her. ) cordelia was swallowed whole by the guilt of seeing both of her parents in the hospital, doctors whizzing around them while not knowing what in the world had gotten to either of them. they couldn’t for the life of them guess; most thought lightning had something to do with it. if they only knew it was the little girl sitting at each of their bedsides, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

           they both eventually got to go home -- becoming known around nara as the lightning couple, due to the belief that they both were struck by lightning, despite the outlandish odds -- but cordy knew that she wouldn’t be able to go home with them. she would never forgive herself if something worse ( and there wasn’t much worse that could happen to either of them ) so she found hosu and ran, ran, ran. of course, when she arrived safe and sound, she wrote to her parents, but she’s broken inside knowing that, well, it has to be this way. it’s breaking them all, but it has to be this way.

🌌 —  WELCOME TO THE ISLE.

          THE BROWN-EYED girl shows up on the island shaking. she'd never done anything so brash before, yet, here she was, so many miles away from everything she'd ever known and with nothing to her name . . . nothing other than that stupid quirk she'd been all but cursed with.

          stupid stars. stupid light. stupid gas. stupid universe.

          . . . so what if she's not exactly eloquent, she's too angry to care. what a wicked way to go, but cordelia figures it's better her than her parents. they do forgive her, eventually, but it takes quite a few conversations that last hours upon hours and some good, old fashion groveling. afraid of growing so close to someone that she can hurt them again, cordelia becomes a master of being seen and not heard; it's easier to not be missed if no one really knows you, after all.

          but it's incredibly lonely. living by a rule that an eleven-year-old version of herself created is becoming harder and harder with each passing day, especially when she starts having to lie to mom and dad when they ask about her friends ( cordelia never did like that sad sounding sigh that would always come across the line. ) so she creates these fanciful friends and their fantastic adventures across the isle. they all have their own quirks but they learn to live with them, learn to love them and, by extension, themselves. yeah, it sounds something out of a coming-of-age film that cordelia would probably love . . . but what her parents don't know won't hurt them.

          but it'll end up hurting cordelia. karma's been chasing not too far behind with its sight set on her and, one day, it finally gets her. a horrible accident, her mother exclaimed, so much blood and just -- what, what is going on? cordelia's heart was in her throat and she wanted to scream until she broke the sound barrier. she nearly went supernova ( quite literally, too. it took everything in her not to explode right then and there. ) her father was hit by some punk drunk driver and was announced dead on arrival . . . what? why would the universe do such a thing? why would those stupid stars that everyone swore by decide to take such an inherently good person away?

          it wasn't fair. cordelia fell into a deep deep depression. the stars didn't shine nearly as brightly as they once did ( there was no one to create new galaxies for anymore. ) every night, she'd watch the stars she'd created for her father, her mother, the old friends she knew in nara, die slow deaths. soon, there would be nothing left in the world with her namesake on it and cordelia, all at once, found that to be a crying shame. call it her father's optimism finally rubbing off on her, or just simply finding it hard to keep lying to her now-widowed mother.

          she was going to find some friends . . . anyhow, anyway. if karma, the stars, the government, anything or everything was keeping an eye on her, she’d at least give them a worthwhile show.

🌌 —  PERSONALITY TRAITS.

POSITIVE : appropriate, brave, balanced, sugary, polite, organized, practical.

NEGATIVE : co-dependent, stuffy, standoffish, aloof, lethal, anti-social, incapable, dishonest.

LABEL : the doll . . . beautiful but fragile / untouchable.

EASTERN ZODIAC SIGN : THE RAT . . . a clever, quick thinker; successful, but content with living a quiet and peaceful life.

WESTERN ZODIAC SIGN : ARIES / THE RAM . . . a fire sign.  a passionate, motivated, and confident leader who builds community with their cheerful disposition and relentless determination. uncomplicated and direct in their approach, they often get frustrated by exhaustive details and unnecessary nuances.

PERSONALITY TYPE : INTJ / THE ARCHITECT . . . highly analytical, creative and logical.

🌌 —  THE CONNECTION IDEAS .

AURIGA / THE CHARIOTEER  . . . you and cordelia live in the same building. you have the ( un ) fortune of living above her, and in the middle of the night, you awaken to so many odd noises. when you look outside your window, you see her in the middle of the field painting the night sky with thousands of sparkling lights. stars . . . and so many of them! maybe you like them, maybe you ask her to spell out a swear word in the sky, or maybe you just want to sleep.

CASSIOPEIA - THE QUEEN  . . . cordelia rubs you the wrong way. that emotionless void of a girl has gotten on your last nerve and you are going to show her. how? you're not sure yet, but she will rue the day she ever crossed you. wait, what do you mean she's not that bad? that's not fair! you're supposed to hate her . . . wait, did you ever?

CYGNUS - THE SWAN . . . you fell for a vision. no, literally, a vision. they say you only dream up faces you've seen in real life, and for some reason, cordelia is that face. maybe she visits you in dreams and messes with your head, or maybe she's that serial killer who runs after you down the never-ending hallway with a knife in her hand and a smile on her face. how do you deal with seeing her . . . all the time?

GEMINI - THE TWINS . . . something happened and you were both in a tough situation, with cordelia being in the tougher of the two. you two strike a deal to help one another, but you tell her that she owes you. whatever she owes you, that's the deal ( please don't be weird about it tho ) and, for as long as you'd like, she can run around and do your errands for you, tell everyone your blunt opinion of them ( she's pretty good at that ) or just have to listen to you sing the entire aladdin soundtrack over and over again at 3 am. your call.

LYRA - THE LYRE . . . cordelia's never been the type to truly understand people. she always thought that it was because she was so sheltered growing up, really choosing to spend her time with her parents and a select friends from school. however, as she's grown up, she's come to learn that she does want to understand people . . . she just can't. not for trying, but she's too blunt, too sardonic, too -- cordelia. which is why she enlists your help. you're the golden child and she'd like a little bit of that sparkle to shine on her, thank you very much.

ORION - THE HUNTER . . . call it fate, destiny, whatever you will -- something brought you and cordelia together for a fun summer romance. however, now that summer’s melted into fall and everything is getting colder, so did your romance. you broke it off in a way that you thought was amicable but cordelia would be quick to disagree with. she doesn’t want you back, per say, but she does wish that she could have had better closure than a single text message . . . then again, she wasn’t exactly an angel in the relationship either. after she drops off one of your hoodies, you find a crumpled up note stuck in the pocket of someone confessing their love for cordelia . . . during your relationship. seriously, it includes your name and everything! do you confront her, or do you try and get the pair together?

URSA MAJOR - THE BIG BEAR . . . she didn’t mean to, honestly !! you just so happened to be hit by that star and, oh god, it’s like the entire ordeal with her parents all over again. only except she doesn’t really know you. every day during your stint in the hospital, you receive a bouquet of beautiful flowers -- maybe they’re your favorites or maybe they’re the type you cannot stand -- with the same note. i’m sorry. you figure it isn’t from anyone you know; it can’t be, can it? on your second-to-last day, the apologetic message is accompanied by an address and a little, scratchy handwritten note asking to meet someone there. against your better judgement you do, but no one is there . . . until you look up in the sky to see an incredible array of different-colored gasses ,you’ve never seen a nebula up close, save for photographs. a tall, black-haired girl walks beside you and begins to explain that she did not mean to hit you with a shooting star. she was simply practicing but her aim isn’t where it needs to be. do you believe this girl, or run as far as you can away from her?

[gwynversionone]

Gwyn V1.0 Pt 2: Transition to De-Transition

CONTENT WARNING: De-Transitioning, Dysphoria

So, somewhere around November of 2012 (I actually went into my old Facebook to get timestamps this time) I was starting to present as myself. I didn’t really “come-out” to people for a few more months but I didn’t stop myself from dressing and acting how I wanted to. My mother and almost everyone else I lived with may have insisted on dead-naming me but, I only got mis-gendered around 25% of the time by them. I actually found comfort in the fact that people would apologize when they realized they referred to me as “he,” it made the experience “more real” for me. It was about this time that I was accepted into a social group at my college. Dorks who would hang out in the cafeteria playing Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic, luckily I was already in to the former and was easily brought in to the circle.

Around February of 2013 I had decided to let everyone I hung out with know that I was a trans woman and that I would like to be called Cassadee. To my utter surprise I was met with absolutely zero resistance. This was the point where I was truly able to begin to be myself as I had a genuine support system in these people after this point. I won’t lie, I’d really like to name names in some kind of self-indulgent attempt to reconnect with these people but, I haven’t talked to any of them since the day I had to de-transition and it would seem so out of place to attempt that through here. I would however, like to share a memory (that is depicted in the video I will release 7/13/18). Some where near the end of February we had a random “snow-storm” that shut down our community college for the day (North Carolina has no idea how to deal with even a remote amount of snow.) I remember we had all decided to meet and just drive around town looking for whatever card game related items we were interested in. I knew that one of my friends was in the hair technician program at our school, so I figured I’d go for broke and ask them to add some highlights to my hair. They were happy enough to oblige and that night we got the needed materials from a local beauty store (I actually remember the exact store we went to.) I wanted my hair to resemble Cassadee Pope’s (who was actually the person I derived my name from) and my friend delivered in a great way. I remember that I almost cried when I looked in the mirror after we were done, it looked perfect. This look didn’t actually last me very long as I was finally able to convince my mother to bleach my hair completely blonde about a month later.

My shift into blonde-dom (if you’ll permit me to use the phrase) was another turning point for me, as blonde was seen as “the most feminine hair color” in my mind. Once I was blonde there was absolutely no way that someone would mis-gender me! Honestly, it kind of worked, even my peers at school that I wasn’t out to began to be curious about the rapid change in self-expression I began to show. A few people eventually began to use my preferred name and pronouns as well. It was this new found confidence that allowed me to finally wear a bikini (around the above-ground pool that we owned) and I also started dating as Cassadee at this point also. I had friends who I’d hang out with and go shopping, who would encourage me to buy what I wanted to wear and who would push me to not bend to anyone else, they actually helped me use a “women’s dressing room” for the first time. These experiences were amazing and I do look back on them fondly now but, if my life was going to be a roller coaster then drops come immediately after the peaks.

The first low-point I had since I began transitioning was in July of 2013, when I was informed that we couldn’t afford to maintain my blonde hair any more. This is somewhat understandable as an adult today, I didn’t have a job or any finances of my own and we never really had an abundance of wealth of our own. So I decided to dye my hair black, as it required no maintenance and I didn’t want to witness all my natural brown hair overtake the blonde. I instantly went into a dysphoric state. This hurt more than I could express. It was around this time that whenever I felt any kind of deep-cutting pain that I just got another tattoo. This is very much why I have so many vapid and dis-interesting tattoos that I despise. Some time near October of 2013 we ended up moving to escape my then step-father’s infidelities. This move resulted in more depression past what I had already experienced and this caused me to miss registration for my next college semester. I decided to cut my hair shorter and get it closer to it’s natural hair color as a way to cope with these feelings.

Near the middle of December I think my mother noticed how miserable I was becoming, I was never leaving the house and couldn’t visit my friends as often seeing as gas was getting to be too costly. However illogical this may seem though, she found money in the monthly budget to pay for me to DIY my HRT. I was through the roof! I had spent the last few months trying to wear her down on the issue as I had been doing extensive research into it. This part of the story does come with a disclaimer by the way: I’m not going to encourage or advocate for DIY. I am also not going to dissuade you from taking the necessary steps to live a happy life. DIY was pretty expensive and honestly if I was doing everything over I’d convince younger me to get a job to aid in financing the endeavor. January 19th of 2014 I began using Estraidiol and Spironolactone. I was ecstatic and decided to take a picture every day to chronicle any changes I had. This lasted for maybe a week before my un-medicated ADHD just kind of made me uninterested in doing it. I actually stopped taking pictures almost all together as I was convinced at the beginning of the month to chop off all my hair because I dyed it so much. I hated the result that came from the haircut and subsequent re-bleaching of it (because clearly the excuse used to get me to cut my hair was so damn valid.)

The last part of this story is going to get very, very sad. I just want to give any reader the fairest of warnings possible. After all, how often has someone de-transitioned because they “wanted” to? I lasted 3 months on HRT before I was told we couldn’t afford it anymore. This was the most brutal and final blow my ego could handle. I went out and got a monroe piercing and a nostril piercing, at this moment doing anything to keep the slightest grip on my “femininity” as I spiraled into a horribly dark episode of dysphoria and depression. I stopped wearing makeup altogether shortly after the month of April, when I realized that I had no more energy left in me to fight. I started just accepting that I was being pushed out of my life, out of my own happiness. The month of September wasn’t particularly eventful until my mother told me I needed to make a “male” Facebook account (at the time I was still using “Cassadee’s” account, hoping I could go back to who I was) due to her talking to my biological father and needing a way to show him and his family the son he never got to see grow up (just typing that last part makes me sick.) September 25th 2014 was the last day I took a picture for my old account, I subsequently made it the profile picture for my new account as well. I held on to all my old clothes and even my unfinished bottle of spironolactone, always clutching to the thought of “being able to pick everything back up, whenever I had my own job and life.” It took another year before I tossed out all my clothes and makeup and another year before I tossed my grand-prize trophy, the bottle of spiro. Still unfinished, but somehow just as empty as I was.