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skzhocomments · 1 year ago

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Broken hearts can heal - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter V - An oddly familiar feeling

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad link

AO3 link

Chapter IV / Chapter VI

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Chapter V - An oddly familiar feeling

word count: 2.5k words

Life went on, and you found the world so cruel for moving at the same speed without Kibum walking on it. The days went by, and you were now 2 weeks away from your due date.

While Taemin and Jinki moved back to their apartments, Minho decided to still stay with you and take care of all your needs, especially with the due date so close. He didn't want you to be alone, in case anything happened, and the doctor advised you during the last visit to lay low anyway.

One day, though, that false sense of peace you started to get used to got abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Mari? It's good to see you! Come on in." Minho exclaimed, opening the door. You recognised the young girl from a picture Kibum showed you a while back. She was his cousin, and you vaguely remember speaking to her at the funeral, but the memory from those days was so blurry, you weren't even sure anymore.

Mari didn't seem so happy to see Minho or you, though. She looked pale, and she avoided eye contact at all costs, even when the three of you sat down at the table in the living room.

"What brings you here?" Minho smiled, trying to strike up a conversation.

"I... I don't even know... how I can tell you this. I've never felt more ashamed... and... if Kibum were here... he would've never forgiven this..." Mari started, looking down at her hands and fidgeting.

"Mari, what's wrong?" Minho frowned.

"It's okay. You can tell us..." You looked unsure at Minho, who also didn't know what was happening.

Mari hesitantly pulled out a small envelope from her bag and handed it to you, her hands shaking badly.

"I'm so sorry." She burst out crying. "I... I tried to talk them out of it, but... no one is listening to me... all they want is money... his money." She cried and cried, and as you opened the envelope, your heart stood still.

Eviction notice was written in red, bold letters at the top of the page.

Eviction notice

This notice is sent to Miss Lee Da-Eun, referred to as "Tenant".

Property Address: XXXXXXXXX

The tenant is hereby notified that, in accordance with the laws, the tenant has 30 days to evacuate the property after receiving this notice.

THE NOTICE IS IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE LAWS. IF YOU FAIL TO COMPLY WITH THIS NOTICE LEGAL PROCEEDINGS WILL BE INSTITUTED TO RECOVER POSSESION OF THE PROPERTY.

Date of receival:

Tenant signature:

"Mari... what is this supposed to mean?" Minho asked with a frown, almost snatching the paper out of your hands.

You started trembling. No way you were getting evicted out of the apartment 2 weeks before giving birth.

How are you even going to find a new place in two weeks?

"Da-Eun, please forgive me!" Mari cried and stood up, kneeling down on the floor in front of you. "Kibum hasn't updated his will... and since both his parents passed away, my dad is the next in line to his estate. He... didn't leave anything... for you... and my dad doesn't want you staying in here for free!" She cried hard.

Both you and Minho stood silent. You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

Of course Key didn't update his will. He didn't expect to pass away on the day he was to get married. No one did.

"What... kind of nonsense is this, Mari?" Your words almost stopped in your throat choking you, but you kept going. "I get it. We didn't get married, so I don't deserve anything. But his child?!" You asked, not even bothering to raise your voice. It was pointless to take your anger out on Mari, who was just caught in the middle of this. "Please stand up and sit back down in your chair." You stood up yourself and placed your hand on her shoulder.

"I tried to reason with my parents, Da-Eun. I told them... what would Kibum think? They don't care. They just want money." She sat in the chair and Minho gave her a tissue box. "They said they would let you stay here... if you paid them rent."

"Rent?" Minho asked, baffled. "Pay rent to live in her home? Seriously? How much?"

Mari hesitated "... they want 4000$ monthly, and they want you to sign a lease for at least 12 months if you choose to stay..."

"That's... wow." Was all you could say. You didn't ask for anything from Kibum's wealth, you didn't want his money. But still, being kicked out of the apartment you shared with him? You didn't see that one coming.

People are greedy, and they would kick you when you're down, apparently. Even people who were supposed to become your family.

"What if we contest the will?" Minho spoke.

"They thought about that as well, and Da-Eun will obviously make a claim, but my parents' lawyer assured them it's going to take a while until paternity is proven, it would be a low priority case, and... it will take years until you get something from them. I would sue them, though. And Da-Eun, if you need help... call me. I will do anything I can... and I'm really sorry."

You stayed seated at the table while Minho escorted Mari out, and your thoughts became big, scary dark clouds.

"Hey." Minho petted your back, bringing you out of your head.

"Yea?" You asked, your voice hoarse. It was hard to not start crying, but it felt like all you did these past weeks was sob. It was time to be strong. Stronger.

"That was... crazy." He affirmed, sitting down next to you and placing his arm on your shoulders, taking you into a side hug.

"Yea. Wow. I don't even know what to say..."

"I can't believe they'd do that to their own family."

"Well, we technically weren't family, so..."

"Just legally. You were getting married the same day he..." Minho stopped himself, not seemingly able to continue his thought.

"Yea. Anyways, not much to do about this."

"We'll sue them. Your child deserves Key's money."

"Fuck them. Right now I have to start looking for a place to move, I guess. I can't pay 4k per month just to stay here. I'm not even sure if I want to stay here. I feel suffocated, and it's so painful to have memories in every corner of this house." You chuckled bitterly. "Maybe getting evicted is a blessing in disguise." You joked, but it was obviously not true.

You had some money saved up, but how long would that last you without working? A year? 6 months? Even less?

And then what?

"Why don't you come live with me, then?" Minho asked, your head shooting in his direction. He seemed serious.

"What?"

"I have enough space for you two, my apartment's in a nice neighbourhood, and I'll be able to be around."

"You know I can't." You frowned.

"Why not? You would love the place. I'll be able to take care of the baby too..." He tilted his head, not understanding why you seemed so against the idea.

"Minho... I said it before... after the first doctor's appointment we've been to together. You don't have any obligations towards us."

"I do, though." He frowned this time. "Morally, I could never let you struggle alone with Kibum's kid, Da-Eun."

"But you also have your own life to worry about. What, are we going to live and raise the baby together? What if you meet someone?"

"Let's be serious, I haven't met someone in 32 years, do you think that's going to change?" Minho chuckled.

"You never know. It might." You shrugged. "What's going to happen then, will you kick us out to the curb as well? I can't go through that twice, and it's not fair on my baby, Minho." You looked straight into his eyes.

"I would never kick you out."

"That's what I thought this time around too. Still, my so-called 'family' did so in a heartbeat. You can't blame me for wanting to be careful. When you eventually meet someone, we'll just become a burden to you, and I never want my child to... experience that." You felt your eyes tear up, but still kept your composure.

"Da-Eun, what I'm going to say might be crazy..." Minho hesitated and let out a big breath you didn't know he was holding.

"... I'm listening." You urged him to continue.

"You said... that time, in the car... that you couldn't believe your son will grow up without a father..."

You nodded.

"I thought about it... a lot."

"And?" You asked, almost in a whisper. "What is there... to think about?"

"I just... I also can't believe that. And... I don't want that."

You tilted your head, not understanding where he was going with it.

"Da-Eun... what if we got married? Let me be your son's father." He proposed, looking into your eyes. You were in shock.

"What... do you mean, Minho? How could we..."

"That piece of paper would give you all the assurance you need that I would never kick you out, and that your son will always have someone there for him... Let's get married, and I will sign the birth certificate, too."

"I can't be that selfish..." You shook your head.

"No. You don't get it. I'd be the selfish one in this scenario, Da-Eun. I want... I want to raise him in Kibum's place. I want to give him the best life. Please... let me do that. Please." Minho begged, and you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"If we do that, we won't be able to contest Kibum's will..." You contemplated for a bit.

"Hmm... then we won't contest it. It's not like we'd need any more money."

"What about your public image? Your career? What about what everyone will say about my child, about me, about you?"

"Fuck them. I don't care. I will protect that child at all costs and fight anyone for him."

"That's... when are we even supposed to get married, Minho? It's crazy." You shook your head again.

"I know. I know it's fucking crazy. I just... I want to adopt him, and I don't see any other way to do so without getting married to you, Da-Eun. I know I'm asking for a big thing here, and I don't want to overstep."

Minho was right. You could decide any day that you don't want this life and move away with your baby, never seeing anyone ever again. If you got married to Minho and allowed him to sign the birth certificate, he would have as many rights to your child as you did. If you ever got divorced, you would have to split custody of your child.

That was scary.

But on the other hand, growing up in this country without a father was a recipe for getting bullied to oblivion and going through a hard time, as much as you hated to admit it. Regardless of the reason, single mothers aren't respected, so your child wouldn't be either. Having Minho be his father would guarantee a good life in this aspect and especially financially wise. God knows how many shifts you worked to be able to afford just a year of university, and how many more you still needed to in order to go through your plans of not working while in Uni.

Well, those plans are also out the window as soon as your child comes. You can't raise a child alone and go to Uni, not working at all.

Marrying Minho would mean you wouldn't have to do it by yourself, at least. He would be your safety net.

"Look, Da-Eun, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. We don't have to get married-"

"Don't backtrack now." You looked into his eyes with resolve, for you already made a decision. As long as your baby would have a guaranteed chance to grow up happy, you would marry anyone.

"What?" He looked back at you, confusion plastered all over his face.

"Minho, you either want this or you don't. There's no room for uncertainty. For the sake of my child, I will get married to you, and I will let you be his father. But that means you can't doubt this decision. Ever. And I won't, either."

"Okay... okay!" He stood up and started pacing around the room. "Okay, let's get married. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? How are you even going to..."

"Tomorrow." Minho confirmed, then left the house in a rush.

Next day came way sooner than expected, and you woke up with a big headache. Minho informed Taemin and Jinki of your decision, so they offered to come get you while Minho brought his parents, all of them going to act as witnesses in the City Hall when you sign your marriage papers.

Everything felt oddly familiar to last time, but you didn't feel nervous, or excited. You didn't feel anything. You didn't bother going to get your hair and make-up done. You simply put on some foundation to hide your tiredness and topped the look with a nude lipstick. You let your hair down, only brushing it, and you weren't sure what to wear. You dreaded opening your closet and seeing the dress you wore almost two months ago when you were supposed to marry Kibum. Seeing it brought back all the 'what could've been's.

You put on a casual long white dress, and a coat to shelter you from the bad January weather.

Taemin and Jinki showed up, and as usual, Taemin just showered you in compliments as soon as he saw you. Then, you got in the car, but contrary to last time, you didn't sing anything. The boys joked around a bit, but you couldn't focus on them. You were lost in thought.

Is this really the best decision? You frowned, thoughts clouded by doubts.

What if anything happened to Minho this time? Maybe you were cursed or something.

Maybe he'd get into an accident too.

Maybe you were destined to raise your child alone and you just didn't get the hint the first time around.

Of course, those thoughts were stupid, and nothing happened. He and his parents were already there when you arrived. He introduced you to them and his mother hugged you tightly and gave you a beautiful flower bouquet made for a bride. His father welcomed you into the family and told you how excited he was to become a grandfather. You wondered if that's how parents' love feels like.

It was surprising that Minho managed to get an appointment here in less than a day. You were guided to a private room and the clerk handed you some papers to sign, which you did.

"You may now kiss." He said, and Minho cupped your cheeks. You closed your eyes as you saw his face coming closer, and just before your lips touched, he placed his thumb on your lips and kissed it instead. To everyone, it looked like you two kissed.

But you didn't.

Still, the boys and his parents applauded and congratulated you.

It hurt.

You were supposed to be married to Kibum by now.

You didn't even get the chance to get to this point with him.

Am I doing the right thing? You wondered again, but shook the thoughts away and smiled as Minho placed a wedding ring made of gold on your finger.

You took a picture together, and you smiled.

All you wanted to do was cry.

Still, you smiled for the picture, posed happily with his family, your family now, hugged the two other men and tried not to think.

Thankfully, Minho's parents had a prior appointment, and you weren't forced to go to lunch with them. Instead, you got home and started packing.

You moved out of Kibum's apartment that same day.

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Chapter IV / Chapter VI

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the-walk-of-weary-souls · 1 year ago

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So I've had this idea of an Avatar fic in which the Sully Twins both make it to Pandora as well as arriving a lot younger than Jake does in cannon. Reading a fic that is almost exactly this same scenario just made this idea shoot right back to the top of my thoughts again. Unfortunately I have two main ideas that have been bouncing around in my head and I can't decide which one I like more so I turn to you. So for my story they were either born on Pandora or taken to Pandora while they were still pretty young.

(So sorry but I really can't resist making it m/m but that won't affect this summary/ idea pitch at all just warning those who are interested in possibly reading this if I write and publish it. Even if you're not interested in m/m feel free to read this and take inspiration)

(Option 1: Born on Pandora)

Army Nurse Camille Sully was only married to the love of her life for four months when tragedy struck leaving her widowed. Her husband however managed to secure her the opportunity to go to Pandora, a planet he'd enamoured her to with his constant gushing stories about it. Though it hurt to go alone seeing as she had planned to go with her husband before his demise, she couldn't bare to stay on this dead planet that had taken everything including her husband from her. Besides it felt wrong to waste her husbands last gift to her, or well as she would later learn his second last gift to her.

Thus she embarks on the long journey to Pandora sinking into a deep Cyro sleep completely unaware of the absolutely miniscule lives that had taken root in her belly. By some miracle the babies are perfectly healthy despite the six year delay to their should've been due date, though they are a little odd...

In this AU Jake and Tommy become the first human babies born on Pandora and are to be sent back to earth with their mother as soon as their bodies are able to handle the trip, only for the head of SciOps at the time to hear of them and get some ideas. Children are the most adaptable of humans after all. RDA quickly jumps onboard with this idea.

As an effect of experiencing cyrosleep at such a premature age the twins are a little bit like mediums. Not sure exactly how far I'd take this medium idea but it could be anywhere from connecting to eywa easier to literally seeing the dead, or being like natural shamans seeing the natural spirits around them. Once again not sure how far I'll take this 'sensitivity'

The humans utilise the young Sully's to try and get closer to/manipulate the Na'vi seeing how weak they are to children. Even making avatars that grow with the twins for them.

The RDA are really scummy and basically hide the fact that the twins even exist from Earth to avoid legal trouble and press backlash. Though they are confident that even if the twins birth is discovered they can haggle their way out of trouble eventually.

Their mother is not happy with them being used as basically science experiments but can't do much as they threaten to send her back to earth and have an 'accident' happen on the way back.

This story is definitely closer to cannon with Camille actually being the Sully Twins Mom (At least according to Wikipedia) but in fanfiction Canon should be played with so I don't really care that the twins base backstory varies so much from cannon in the second idea

(Option 2: Young Sully Twins go to Pandora)

Only thirteen years old The Sully twins are not in a good place. Orphaned and in a pretty awful foster home with way too many foster children in it. The two are practically only one step above homeless if not even worse off thanks to the ever rampant crime they face in their daily life.

They're desperate to get out so desperate in fact that when strange official looking doctors come to test all the people in the area and return to the twins with an offer a couple weeks later, they're less cautious then they probably should be.

By pure chance the first batch of Avatars candidates contains one candidate with a gene which allows them to bond with their avatar body with ease. RDA being greedy corporate Scum see this as the optimal way to avoid losing millions to the occasional dud avatar.

Tommy and Jake are 13 and living in a crowded foster home when they test positive for this gene, RDA greedy and corrupt as they are, aren't against coercing and practically kidnaping them to utilise said genes.

In this AU foster care has gotten worse and worse with clearly unfit candidates not only easily getting foster kids but also greatly financially benefiting from it and foster homes that easily slip inspection. The twins live in an overcrowded foster home with awful living conditions, disgusting and often non filling food, nausea inducing bathrooms, little to no helpful adult monitoring as well as the house being dead centre in the less desirable part of the city.

This story is a lot about the twins learning that not everyone want's to use them while still having an intimate understanding of the dark underbelly of humanity.

Eventually the twins (And maybe a few others) bond so well with their avatars that they are able to link even without machinery though there is still a limit to how long they can stay without ill effect. They have increased this limit drastically but inevitably they always have to return to their human bodies.

In this version the Twins harbour a muuuuch deeper resentment for the RDA because this isn't the only thing they know.

The humans utilise the young Sully's to try and get closer to/manipulate the Na'vi in this idea too, though in this version the Na'vi only end up horrified by the state of these two younglings and are sort of praying for the day where they can just yoink them and give them all the love an affection they deserve and more.

#avatar #avatar james cameron #na'vi #jake sully #thomas sully #tommy sully #avatar rda #sully twins #the rda suck #and not even in a fun way #not me an asexual making dirty jokes and giggling like a little girl

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tilbageidanmark · 8 months ago

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youtube

Movies I watched this week (#167)

(I've gone overboard again this week!)...

🍿

'A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of communism...'

The Young Karl Marx is my second film by Haitian Raoul Peck (After his 4-part documentary about colonialism 'Exterminate all the Brutes'). An historical German biography about the birth of the labor movement, with lengthy discussions of the political theories of the time. It's so refreshing to experience an unapologetic look at the revolutionary ideology of class struggle, improving and uniting the impoverished workers and taking down the exploiting bourgeoisie. Vicky Krieps is lovely as Marx's sexy and supportive wife. 7/10.

🍿

Chan is missing, my 3rd by indie filmmaker Wayne Wang (After 'Smoke' and 'The Joy Luck Club'). Made for $20,000, this detective story was his solo directorial debut, and the first 'important' film about "ABC"s ('American Born Chinese') and other Asians living in Chinatown. I lived in San Francisco in the later 80s, and this brings back very fond memories to a long-forgotten time.

🍿

2 by Tricia Cooke:

🍿 Tricia Cooke is an editor, who worked on many of the Coen Brothers' films (together with "Roderick Jaynes"). She's also been married to Ethan Coen for 30 years (in an open, "non-traditional" marriage, according to Wikipedia).

Drive away dolls, the new comedy was written by her and husband Ethan, but without brother Joel. It's a "Lesbian road trip", in the raunchy tradition of 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!' and 'Bad Girls Go to Hell'. Andie MacDowell's foxy daughter is a free-spirit just looking for uncommitted, good time, but eventually falls in love with her girlfriend Marian. The romantic scene when it finally happens plays well to Linda Ronstadt's Blue Bayou background (but then, anything would!). The first 10 minutes were a bit confusing, but once they started driving, it got funnier (especially with the UNG soccer team 'basement party', and the Big Lebowski-style dream sequence). With time, it will earn its higher place at the Coen cultish pantheon.

"Who are you?"... "Democrats"...

🍿 Eve, (2008) an unexpectedly poignant story, Natalie Portman's directorial debut. A young woman visit her very old grandmother Lauren Bacall, only to intrude on her romantic dinner with very old beau Ben Gazzara. With score by Sufjan Stevens. 7/10.

/ Female Director

🍿

"...I'll see you in my dreams..."

First watch: First season of Twin Peaks. I've seen 4 of David Lynch's surreal films before ['Blue Velvet', 'The Elephant Man', 'Wild at Heart' and 'Mulholland Drive'] and none of these made me a fan. But I like to keep an open mind, so I gave this, his most popular work, a try. However, like many old classics you see for the first time many years after their production date, its charms were completely lost on me. I can see what a radical breakthrough it was for network television in 1990, but today it feels like the antics of a straight-forward Soap Opera with an added, pretentious 'quirk' to every move and character. The coffee fetishism, the dancing midgets and log ladies, the absurd police procedural, the eclectic twists and supernatural dreams. With every episode I hated it more. The mystery of who killed whom, or the obviousness of everybody sleeping with everybody else, were utterly uninteresting. I really wanted to like it, but after 6 arduous episodes, I had to just admit that it's not for me. 2/10.

But I always loved Angelo Badalamenti's theme, and I often listen to it on loop.

🍿

"I feel so low that I could get on stilts and walk under a dachshund"

It (1927), my first silent film with the original 'Manic Pixie Dream Girl', Clara Bow. "It" being basically sex appeal. Pre-Code, sassy and cheesy. This version is 'Colorized'.

🍿

"You notice things when you pay attention", and “We won’t be like them”.

Another frequent re-watch of my most cherished romance film, In the Mood for Love, with incomparable couple Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung. Her sad beauty, in these exquisite high-collar Qipao, and unrequited longings, are etched on my heart. With 2 different musical themes, the famous 'Yumeji's waltz', and the Nat 'King' Cole Spanish Boleros: I want to find an analysis of when and why each one was used. The 3rd act was unbearably sad. And what is exactly the meaning of the Cambodian coda? 10/10. ♻️

🍿

4 Winning and Nominated Shorts from Last Night's Oscars (plus 11 more):

🍿 The Last Repair Shop - deservedly - won the Oscar for Best Documentary Short this year. (Video Above). A quiet story about a shop that maintains and repairs the 80,000 musical instruments used by students of the Los Angeles school district. It's about mending broken things so they can be whole again, performed by people who were also broken, but are now whole.

Similar and even better than the 2017 Oscar nominee Joe's Violin. One of the best films I've seen so far this year! 10/10.

🍿 The previous short directed by Ben Proudfoot and Kris Bowers was the wonderful A Concerto Is a Conversation, about jazz pianist Kris Bowers' relationship with his grandfather. Nominated in 2021. 9/10.

🍿 The Queen of Basketball was another Ben Proudfoot short which won an Oscar in 2021. Their trade in stock is a well-told emotional human interest angle. This one is about a black woman who was college basketball superstar in the 1970's. Heart-warming.

🍿 Proudfoot's 2021 Almost Famous: The First Report told the story of a Louisiana reporter who broke the story of the Catholic church sex abuse scandal, but who did it in the 1980's. He was too early, and eventually got a mention in 'Spotlight'.

🍿 War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John and Yoko, a lovely alternate World War One animated short about two soldiers from the opposite sides playing long distance chess with the help of a carrier pigeon. Won this year’s animated short.

Also, Dave Mullins previous story, Lou (2017), another Oscar nominated Pixar pre-feature item. It's about an anthropomorphic Lost & Found Chest, at a school yard identical to the one Adora used to go to her first 6 years. 7/10 and better than many of the later Pixar shorts.

🍿 The ABCs of Book Banning was nominated in 2023, but did not win. It features intelligent kids of 7-15 questioning the mass removal of books from schools and libraries, mostly about race, women and LGBT topics. Knowledge is power and the American Nazis who ban books have their eyes on much bigger prizes.

/ Female Director

🍿Island in Between, another terrific nominee from this year, about the Taiwanese islands of Kinmen. Made by a Taiwanese filmmaker, who reflects on his family relationship to china, Taiwan and the USA. Got me to listen to the songs of Teresa Teng again.

🍿3 by Jay Rosenblatt: "What do you want to do when you grow up? What are you afraid of? What is power? What are dreams? What is most important to you?" Nominated for the 2022 Oscars, How Do You Measure a Year? hit me very hard. New father Jay Rosenblatt started recording his daughter on her 2nd birthday, asking her about her life, and continued doing it every birthday until she was 18. My Adora Project didn't end so positively. Another 💯 score on Rotten Tomatoes. 10/10.

🍿 In Jay Rosenblatt's 1998 Human Remains, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Franco and Mao share details about their intimate lives, what they like to eat and drink, their sexual preferences and bowel movements, likes and dislikes. Personally banal.

🍿 When We Were Bullies, a third reenactment by documentarian Jay Rosebnblatt, about a personal incident from his elementary school days, when he and others bullied a classmate. It gives some unpleasant ‘This American life’ vibes, but ends tenderly with a simple “I’m sorry”.

🍿 The Elephant Whisperers won the 2022 Documentary short with 💯 score on Rotten Tomatoes. An Indian 'Animal Planet' style story about an indigenous couple, caretakers of baby elephants at a large national park and elephant reserve. I wish it was me.

A couple of hundred years ago, most of the world was the space where animals lived, tigers, elephants, birds, monkeys. Then humans killed them all and took their place.

/ Female Director

🍿 The girl and the tsunami is an Argentinian animation about a 12-year-old Chilean girl who saved her island community in the 2010 tsunami.

🍿 Snif & Snüf, a little geometrical animation, by a guy who worked on 'Bojack Horseman'. It's a similar concept to Břetislav Pojar's Czeck award-winning Balablok from 1972, where squares and circles fight to the death.

🍿

Jim Jarmusch/Tom Waits/Rosie Perez X 2:

🍿 "Tasty Porcinis..."

Re-watch: The Dead Don't Die, his slow, absurdist apocalyptic comedy about flesh eatin' Coffee Zombies. Full of meta-connections and allusions to a cinematic universe: Sam Fuller, Cliff Robertson, Patterson, George Romero, and breaking the fourth wall ("Jim gave me the whole script!")

An ensemble piece with a special 'Thank you': 'Would anyone object if I gave credit to Atilla Yücer?' Such a Jarmusch thing to do! ♻️

🍿 Night on Earth (1991) is an anthology about 5 unrelated taxi drivers in 5 different cities, and the clients they pick on the same night. I found it irritating, and the rides in Los Angeles, New York, Paris and Roma couldn't end fast enough. But the last story which took place in Helsinki, as the morning was about to break, was sad and powerful. Jarmusch was a friend of Aki Kaurismäki, and this influence might have helped.

🍿

Craig Ferguson X 2:

🍿 “Congratulations, Mr. Stuart. You are tonight’s lucky Scotsman.”

Saving Grace, an well-written, well-played and funny stoner comedy, about middle aged widow Brenda Blethyn whose irresponsible husband left her in an enormous debt, forcing her to grow marijuana in her greenhouse along with her pot-loving gardener Craig Ferguson to avoid losing her large country house in Cornwall. 7/10.

🍿 I’ll be there (2003) was the only film Ferguson's wrote and directed (and rather competently). A sentimental but enjoyable story of an aging has-been rock star who discovers that brilliant teenage singer Charlotte Church is a daughter he didn't know he had. A different slant on my favorite theme from 'After the Wedding'. It ends with a perfect 'Happy End' when she sings 'Summertime' on a stage, whose lyrics sums up very nicely the whole movie.

🍿

I watched Larry David's Clear history last week, but I felt like laughing at it again. David is such an unbearable asshole, but it was a solid comedy. Now I'm considering seeing 'The Fountainhead' with Gary Cooper, which is mentioned as part of the joke.♻️

🍿

"Those aren't pillows!..."

After seeing again the "I want a fucking car" clip, a re-watch: Planes, Trains and Automobiles, the classic Thanksgiving dramedy with the classic 'Odd couple' plot. ♻️

🍿

René Laloux, who directed the amazing 'La Planète sauvage', followed it up with another psychedelic, experimental movie. Together with bandes dessinées artist Moebius, they did Time Masters in 1982. I had a very hard time with this worthless science fiction story. Except of a few sparks of visual poetry here and there, it was more like a terrible, boring 'Time Wasters'. 1/10.

🍿

I watched the super-light French comedy My Best Friend's Girl from 1983, but only because it features a young Isabelle Huppert. She plays a sexy, promiscuous temptress, who seduces 2 best friends at a ski-resort, so much so, that they both go crazy over her. Nothing wrong with some frothy ménage à trois, as she was glamorously prancing in revealing negligees for most of the time, but this was terribly-written and unwatchably juvenile. 1/10.

At least, I discovered this recording of Nirvana's 'My best Friend's Girl'.

🍿

Throw-back to the "Art project”:

“War is Over” Adora.

🍿

(My complete movie list is here)

#movies #the last repair shop #oscars

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kiyaar · 2 years ago

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SO YOU WANT YOUR BLORBO'S NATAL CHART (WATSONIAN)

So you have a blorbo. You want to gain arcane knowledge of the blorbo's deepest motivations. You want to look at their natal chart. You know in your heart that your blorbo is an earth mars and a fire sun and needs a really traumatic moon placement. It is law. It must be. So where is the chart. How do you find something plausible and suitable for your blorbo? I am gonna show you how to generate a real (here meaning 'possible according to the laws of physics') chart for your blorbo. Natal charts follow rules: planets move at certain rates, certain planets will always be within a few signs of the sun, etc. Fortunately, all this has happened before, and all of it will (eventually) happen again, so we can page through our little planetary history and find what we need.

Here is the tool we'll be using. It's from astro-seek, and it's called the Ephemeris search engine. It's free. It will allow us to page back and forward through planetary time to see what planets were where, when. What you're gonna do first is. You're gonna put in a year range. This is a date range for your blorbo's year of birth. I'll put 1915-1920. My blorbo is old. Or a vampire. Or he fights vampires. Who knows.

You are then gonna put in the planetary placements you KNOW you want your blorbo to have. You know it's true in your heart; let's make it true. I would suggest picking one or two personal planets to be married to to start. Outer placements (neptune, uranus, pluto) are generational placements and move slower (years-deacades). Personal planets (moon, sun, mercury, venus, mars) move the quickest (moon changes sign every 3 days). Saturn and jupiter are 1-3 year transits.

It may not be possible to get every placement you want in one chart, because the planets move at different speeds. (If you are not bound by a date range, this gets easier.) If you want pluto in scorpio in 1918, for instance, you're shit out of luck. Pluto takes 12-30 years to move through a sign, and in 1918 it was in Gemini. My blorbo will win almost every time in a war fight, and he will nurse a grudge in a words fight until it literally destroys him. Let's give him a Libra moon and a Capricorn mars.

I've also asked the tool for a stellium, which just means I'm asking for a chart with 3 or more personal planets/luminaries (sun/moon) in one house. This indicates that my blorbo has an intensity and that the stellium theme will come up again and again in many areas of my blorbo's life. It's a little spice. I think they're fun. I have one in my own natal chart and it's miserable. I have also decided to be mean and ask Ephemeris for a uranus or pluto aspect to my blorbo's moon. I am explicitly asking for conditions of trauma. I'm not gonna specify the exact aspect, because I don't know where all the outer planets were in this date range. It could give me trines (generally nice), or conjunctions (always interesting), or squares (the goal, generally not very nice). If you're going for trauma you might also ask it for chiron or saturn aspects. But we're getting advanced. Back to the blorbo. Click ok.

So. It's telling me my options for this incredibly historical blorbo are all charts during Capricorn/Sag season. I think my blorbo is more of an earth sun than a fire sun, so I'm gonna get rid of the November charts, which leaves me with 3 January charts. From here it gives me three charts cast for noon of that day. Ephemeris also casts the charts for Null Island, where the prime meridian and the equator cross off the West Coast of Africa. For our purposes we can change the time, but not the location. That is Advanced and requires literal hand-drawn math. I'm gonna look at all three charts and I'm gonna pick the one with the most red lines, because those are crunchy squares and we're trying to put heartache, obstacles, and trauma into my blorbo. This one has a grand trine AND two squares so I'm gonna pick that one. Nice.

Next, we're gonna go to the bottom: extended settings. I'm going to change it to whole house, and I'm going to click 'show me the ASC & MC' - this will show you your blorbo's ascendant/descendant line and their midheaven (important for fictional characters because it connotes work of a life, purpose, etc).

Now, we fuss. You can adjust the time backwards and forwards in increments of 10 minutes. This will change your blorbo's ascendant. This might also make some placements crunchier/better/worse as planets move a few degrees. Ascendant changes every two hours. This is why you generally need your exact birth time to get a good reading, unless your reader is specifically doing a rectification for you.

My blorbo is now an Aries rising (ruled by mars), with chiron in the 12th house and an 11th house stellium in Aquarius. He also has his Sun and Mars in a loose conjunction in Capricorn in the 10th. Condolences, blorbo. We have also gained 3(!) squares, and a moon-ascendant opposition, which is going to be super fun for me, a writer, and super not fun for him, a man who is gonna spend his whole life managing some confusion about whether or not he IS his public persona. Smash hit. I don't really have to play with his ascendant, because this works for me - I can absolutely justify his Saturn in the 3rd house and Pluto in the 4th placements. Sad times for a sad, artistic man. I was hoping for an 8th house moon, but the 7th house moon makes more sense for his long term relationship with the US government anyway. All but one of my initial planetary placement wishlist items have been satisfied! My blorbo has a Libra Moon, a Capricorn Mars, and a moon aspected by Pluto and Saturn (though not the aspect I was envisioning, it's one that makes sense). And that's it! Now my blorbo has a chart that actually happened in the sky on a day in 1915. 1915 may not be his real birth date, but it's close enough to his canonical age and close enough that I can make a historiographical excuses for the incorrect data. It also, most importantly, contains placements that I know, deep in my bones, to be true. Voila. Cosmic blorbo.

#niche post #astrology #fandom astrology #genuinely don't know what to tag this but it's about #captain america #steve rogers

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thesilvercrusader · 2 years ago

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Looking for Contact - Sylris Silverflame-Bloodhawk

「 general information 」

FULL NAME: Sylris Silverflame-Bloodhawk

NICKNAME(S): Syl

TITLE(S): Colonel of the Midnight Order, Commander of The Savage Pearl

AGE: 141

DATE OF BIRTH: November 12th

RACE: Sin’dorei

GENDER: Male

PRONOUNS: He/Him

ORIENTATION: Straight

MARITAL STATUS: Married to Isoria Bloodhawk-Silverflame

PROFESSION(S): Blacksmith, Enchanting, Inscription

LANGUAGES: Common, Thalassian, Orcish, Draconic.

「 physicality & appearance 」

HAIR: Blonde

EYES: Bright Gold

HEIGHT: 6′5″

BUILD: Mesomorphic, muscular

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Runic tattoos across his arms and chest, several other tattoos guised in illusionary magic.

COMMON ACCESSORIES: Wedding ring, watch from his wife, the Midnight Order’s insignia on a badge.

「 personality & traits 」

Exceptionally energetic, outgoing and extroverted. Sylris loves to meet new people in a variety of situations. A formal setting, or a friendly spar, the former Crusader is one who seeks out and does his best to maintain new friendships. Sylris is exceptionally protective of his wife - Isoria - and will put his well-being on the line for the sake of her safety without hesitation.

•extroverted / introverted / in between.

•disorganized / organized / in between.

•close minded / open-minded / in between.

•calm / anxious / in between.

•disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

•cautious / reckless / in between.

•patient / impatient / in between.

•outspoken / reserved / in between.

•leader / follower / in between.

•empathetic / indifferent / in between.

•optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

•traditional / modern / in between.

•hard-working / lazy / in between.

•cultured / uncultured / in between.

•loyal / disloyal / unknown / in between.

•assertive / timid / in between

「personal information 」

HOBBIES: Picking on his wife, blacksmithing, wood carving, enchanting, inscribing.

SKILL(S): Harassing his wife, martial combat, utilizing the Light, utilizing the arcane. A bit of time magic.

RESIDENCE: Pandaria

BIRTHPLACE: Quel’Thalas

AFFILIATIONS: The Midnight Order, The Sin’dorei, The Horde, The Argent Crusade (Formerly), Legionfall (Formerly)

「 relations 」

SPOUSE:

Isoria Bloodhawk-Silverflame

CHILDREN:

None

PARENTS:

Deceased

SIBLINGS:

Aidan Dawningblade ( @aidandawningblade )

OTHER RELATIVES:

PETS/COMPANIONS/FAMILIARS:

Dawn

Dusk

「 habits & vices」

SMOKING: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

DRUGS: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

ALCOHOL: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

「 other/ooc 」 FACE REFERENCE(S): Dominic Sherwood

VOICE REFERENCE(S): Dominic Sherwood

ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good

SERVER: Wyrmrest Accord - H

OTHER: Although this is a Horde-aligned character, he won’t outright attack those of the Alliance unless provoked; he is generally a cross-faction friendly character in terms of RP. I will not interact/roleplay with minors or anyone under the age of 18. Though I am fine writing characters in more intimate situations if it is appropriate, do not try to force ERP or expect it in any way when writing with me. Should you do so, it will likely end in a block. This character in particular is very happily married, and will not cheat on his wife. I will not write with godmodders (ex. never misses a hit and never gets hit, their character is so overpowered that they’re basically a god and can’t ever lose, etc) I will give out my discord if asked; feel free to PM me!

#lookingforcontact #SylrisSilverflame #WRA-H #BloodElf

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h3sp3ria · 1 year ago

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My plans for Raven and Mammon

link to Raven and mammon Fanfic - Forever

This is gonna be a fanfic so spoilers for that ahead

its really just written down so i dont change it or forget

-semi-sexual/suggestive content, and metions of drug use(not detailed, and probably not accurate) ahead-

masterlist

In my mc, Raven's, au, her and Mammon meet like 1.5 years before she goes to the devildom as an exchange student, they meet at a party for her 21st birthday:

First Meeting – 1, Mammon x Raven 495 words

(Raven doesn't know hes a demon)

they start dating, and 3 months later this happens:

Raven X Mammon – 2, First Confession 576 words

after that Raven(who was a virgin) decides she ready to have sex with mammon, she plans a date with romantic things, then tells Mammon that she's ready. But instead of having sex w/her, mammon says they need to talk, because he hasn't told her something important. This is when Mammon tells her that hes a demon. They grow kind of distant, and Mammon is really sulky around the HOL, like hes not schemeing and his brothers are like "wtf is going on??"(because they don't know he has a gf)

after about a week, Raven calls Mammon, and asks what him being a demon means, for them, for her, and for their future. now they're closer than ever, and she's even curious abt his demon form. mammon insists that they make a pact so he can protect her, and then they just happily date until she becomes the human exchange student(she is lilith's descendant)

The first time meeting the brothers is really funny, and kinda awkward, cause she knows them from Mammon's stories and him showing her pictures, but they don't know her due to mammon keeping their relationship a secret. Raven knew he was keeping her a secret bc mammon said his brothers were dangerous.

Lucifer started introducing himself and she was like "Yea, no, I know who you guys are. Mammon told me."

Asmo: Oh! You're Mammon's secret Girlfriend!!!

Raven: Yep!!

then she calls mammon, and is like "Hey can you get me some tacos?"

Mammon: sure

Raven: you have my card right?

Mammon: yea

Raven: great, so get like a hundred tacos

Mammon: A hundred?! You high??

raven: yes

Mammon: ok sure, the usual meeting place?

Raven: no, I was actually thinking RAD

mammon: are you at RAD?! *super panicked now running really fast, with the tacos* I'm on my way!!

when mammon gets to RAD, Raven gives him a kiss, and then takes out five tacos, before giving beel the rest of the tacos. then Mammon carries raven everywhere

Everything goes acording to plot, until like a month into the program, Raven gets pregnant and doesn't tell mammon, until like a month later when he suggests they get high cause they haven't in a while.

1 month after that, raven frees belphie, and dies, mammon's super pissed bc Belphie killed the love of his life, the mother of his child and his child.

then everything goes according to plot, until 6 months later she gives birth, to Lilith(named by her father)

a week before she leaves the devildom (bc the exchange program is almost over) this happens:

Lilith gets stuck in a car

she leaves the devildom (even though Mammon protests a lot. a lot. but she wants her family to meet her child) but she leaves pregnant(again, and she doesn't even know)

after a month she comes back to the devildom and this time she stays. Her and Mammon get married(in this dress) after they realize she pregnant again, and she cuts her hair. Then the rest of the og OM events happens(idk what happens i've only play to like lesson 34)

Raven and Mammon's Little Family

Raven art dump

Then Nightbringer starts(i've only played to lesson 13 cause my phone broke)

When shes sent to the past her kids, Astaroth(maybe not born yet) and Lilith are with her. Mammon catches her, but Lilith is in her demon for flying with her wings.

When she gets found out to be human(I haven't really planned this part out yet) She either reveals shes from the future or gives birth to Astaroth

If she reveals shes from the future she wont tell them abt her connection to lilith, or hor far into the future she's from, she'll just tell them abt how her and mammon had kids and got married

But it really depends on what happens in the next lessons in NB, my phone gets fixed on thursday so then i'll edit this

#obey me #the great mammon #mammonobeyme #mammon x oc #mc #obey me shall we date #mammon avatar of greed #obey me mc #mammon fluff #mammonxraven #om! mammon #om! nightbringer #omswd #nightbringer #obey me nightbringer #shall we date mammon #mammon supremacy #mammon nightbringer

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myastronastrologyhelps · 1 year ago

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Numerology according to date of birth!

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#myastron #numerology #numerology predictions #best numerologist in india #future prediction #free marriage prediction

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horoscopedaily · 1 year ago

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When Will I Get Married According to My Birth Date? Free Marriage Prediction by Date of Birth

Are you eagerly anticipating the day you tie the knot with your soulmate? If you find yourself wondering, "When will I get married according to my birth date?" you're not alone. Many individuals seek guidance on their future marriage prospects, and fortunately, there are various methods available that can provide insights into your marital journey.

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kkundalimatching · 1 year ago

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howtoexloveback · 2 years ago

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Learn here How Astrology Can Help Make Marriage Proposal Astrology

It is the best moment of life if your partner proposes you finally for marriage as you want. This marriage proposal can change your mind, and happiness will be on a high level. If you are preparing to propose your partner to hear “Yes” from him/her, so here is the best idea for you to get a positive answer. Marriage Proposal Astrology is the right way in which you can prefer to propose your…

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#marriage prediction vedic astrology free #sudden marriage in astrology #when i will get married according to my birth date

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unicastrology · 4 years ago

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Know your real-time Accurate Marriage prediction by date of birth and time

For marriage prediction, there are some guidelines in astrology. We are going to discuss a couple of rules to know about when will I get married and to whom by the simplest way with images. we will here discuss marriage prediction by astrology, Horoscope compatibility, and by numerology and solve all your marriage problems and guide you to perfect married life by using our Marriage Prediction date birth Calculator!

Accurate Marriage life Prediction by Date of Birth:

If you have your date of birth time and place of birth you can just explore the Online Marriage Prediction App by filing your detailed biodata. Once you have your Marriage age prediction, look for Mahadasha report Chart. Under this Mahadasha report chart, you will find the sub-periods of other planets. Look for the present time to ten years from 2020 to 2029.

The order of Mahadasha is as follows.

Sun

Moon

Mars

Rahu

Jupiter

Mercury

Ketu

Venus

In the periods there are sub-periods also in the same chart. Assume if the time of Moon is running then under sub, the suborder will also there be counting from Moon, Mars, Rahu, and so on. One can consult the best astrology marriage prediction in Coimbatore also for marriage prediction, marriage age prediction, and compatibility assessment.

Marriage Prediction by name and date of birth

Now a day’s couple are worried about his/her marriage and many questions arise his mind like When will I get married according to my date birth? Will I have love or arranged marriage? How can I find My life partner prediction by date of birth? Astrology marriage prediction is a Specialized task and it has 3 major Parts- Knowing the exact age and time of Marriage and Marriage Matching. so, don't worry our specialist astrologer guide you step by step on How to predict marriage Timing in astrology easily yet effectively and this will be going to help you in your marriage prediction by date of birth from Marriage Horoscope.

Planets & Houses Responsible for Marriage Astrology, it indicates Early and delay marriage depends upon the planets located in the marriage horoscope. Jupiter plays a vital role in the horoscope of female natives for cheerful married life.

If Jupiter and 7th house lord is well placed and has a good aspect, it indicates that peaceful marriage can be predicted.

The 2nd house should be indicated free from affliction

On the other hand, Venus indicates the significator of Male natives. If Venus and 7th lord is well placed and having good aspects, then it shows the good quality of marital life is possible.

How Age can predict my marriage prediction?

In our Indian society and culture, people generally planning for marriage in a certain time period. As result marriage offers every couple a new hope of ray and new step of life so a perfect marriage is considered as a key to happiness. The majority of marriages happen in the age of between 21–30 years. That’s why everyone got excited about their marriage and want to know the details about their marriage life partner. sometimes due to unique planetary changes & Houses Responsible for Marriage Astrology, it indicates Early and delay marriage depends upon the planets located in the marriage horoscope. some reason like:

Unable to get a perfect life partner which type you want.

Establishment of career or job opportunities

Looking for Love Marriage to whom you love the person you have waited for

Mahadasha issue

Financial Problem

There are many factors that play a vital role in happy marriage life from them one is the marriage prediction by name factor. Considering this factor marriage age prediction by date of birth free online will suggest you to find the perfect age to get married so that in future you never face any problem in the marriage relationship.

You need to consult with Our specialist astrologers to know regarding the Marriage Age Prediction by date of birth free online in Hindi services. You get the right of the period in which all the details of getting married or favourable age and timings mentioned. Avail on Tabij.in or call on +919776190123.

#Marriage Prediction #online Marriage Prediction #marriage horoscope #Marriage age prediction by date of birth free online #When will I get married according to my date birth

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xiaq · 3 years ago

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Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

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otomegema · 3 years ago

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title: Convergence Theory pairing: Gojo Satoru x Reader summary: You are a lesser family member of the Gojo clan, so far removed you don't even carry the name, but you carry the Limitless ability and thus the potential to be a bride to the future head of the clan— a fact you patently reject at fifteen. Twelve years later you are a second grade sorcerer struggling to obtain first grade status when the object of your deepest objections offers you a deal. rating: Mature for now, explicit later most likely because WHY NOT tropes: fake dating/engagement, rivals to lovers, slow romance Link: Archive of Our Own

August, 2005.

That summer had been oppressively warm, a layer of heat trapped beneath a layer of moisture that made even the light fabric of your yukata stick to your sides. It was the kind of weather that made your body beg for relief, to lay shivering and sweltering under the barest breath of cool air.

Your mother had opened the outside screens in the room, letting you sit on the porch overlooking the small garden at the center of the expansive, traditional home. The view was lovely, overlooking a manicured garden, a small koi pond bubbling pleasantly even as the night air chirped with the sounds of insects.

The main house was equipped with air conditioners in some of the rooms— just like your parent’s own home, only a short distance away, but somehow so far removed from the atmosphere of this place it felt miles away. Centuries. The clock on the wall seemed suspended in time, halted too by the weight that fell over this place.

There was nothing to be done. When the head of the Gojo family called, even the smallest vine, hanging from the tiniest branch, curled in. Your great grandmother had bore the Gojo name before she married, a detail of minor significance that had not effected your own family until your birth. You had often heard your parents discussing the main family in hushed voices when they thought you were not listening. First with excitement and eagerness and then with worry.

There had been a phone call, an order disguised as invitation.

Gojo Satoru, heir to the name, barer of the Six Eyes, was turning sixteen in December, a scant four months away.

Six Eyes. Two words that managed to leave the bitterest taste of bile in your throat.

It had been thought the next Six Eyes would be born in your generation, your parents hopeful at one point that you were the one so blessed. A hundred years of waiting ended by the birth of another child, honored above all other sorcerers. Your had been born with the Limitless, that much was certain and an extra unnaturally keen ability of foresight… the signs were there. The possibility that the the massive potential of the Limitless was within your grasp if you could only prove to possess the fabled Six Eyes…

You were hailed for a short time as possibly a true child of the Gojo blood, a blessing. A boon. And then not even a short year later that boy was tested. No two Six Eyes could exist and it was him, not you, who was truly blessed.

You ran your hands up the back of your neck, dislodging the hair stuck your heated skin.

And worse yet, now you would suffer the indignity of being paraded around with every other eligible girl with a single drop of Gojo blood diluted enough to be proper for marriage.

Gojo Satoru needed a betrothed and only the best would do, naturally.

You were to be polite, courteous and docile. Laugh at his jokes, bat your eyes. Play the role of the pursued for the pursuer.

Did you even want to be selected? Once hailed as the promised child, now degraded to probable broodmare ?

You sucked your teeth, holding back a feral shriek somewhere deep in your throat. There was a knock on the wooden frame of the room, lazy and slow. The door slid open before your mother could get you to return inside to the low tables and too hot tea laid out.

You were all but deaf to the sounds of stilted, forced polite conversation, but could not ignore the sudden presence of a young man who came to sit down hard at your side.

Gojo Satoru was not an unattractive young man. He had the signature Gojo coloring, his eyelashes even as pale as driven snow. You yourself had even inherited two streaks of white in your hair, framed near your face and standing in contrast against the rest.

But that handsomeness was hard to enjoy when his expression was one of such utter indifference. He did not even bother to remove the dark glasses that shaded over his eyes, but you hardly were offended. It would have been all the worse to have to look at the very thing you coveted most in this world. Taunting you. Dismissing you.

How many girls had he been forced to sit with today? Judging by his bored expression, too many.

“This is the part where you tell me your name.” He said, voice amused, yet slightly condescending. Behind you both, his parents spoke with your own, but that too was part of the charade. All eyes were on you. All ears tuned to your words.

“You know my name.” You said with a thinly veiled sigh. His attention shifted just a fraction and you noticed with an indignant flush he was wearing his school uniform. Shirt untucked, jacket unbuttoned. You had been forced to spend hours getting ready for this meet-up.

He tilted down his glasses to give you a halfway appraising look and you turned away.

“Goin’ for the aloof angle then? Some other girls tried it too. As if you pretend hard enough that you aren’t interested somehow I will be.”

How fucking arrogant.

Your fists clenched in your lap.

“It won’t work.”

“I’m not working any ‘angle’.” You grumbled, “I was told to be here so I’m here. That’s all.”

“You expect me to believe that, huh?”

“I don’t care what you believe.” You spat back, turning to shoot him a piercing glare.

There was silence then, even the voices behind you seeming to falter and lower as if worried they were missing out on some secret hushed conversation.

“Ohhh, wait. I remember now! I do know your name.” Gojo continued, taking off his sunglasses and wiping off some smudge or dust from the lens, “Aren’t you that girl they thought was gonna have the Six Eyes in her?”

Your fist clenched tighter.

“I get it now. Sour grapes and all. Tell ya what…” he spoke softer and leaned in until you felt his breath against your ear, “If you ask me really nicely, for one night, you still could."

The only sound that came after that was the harsh strike of skin against skin. The contact of your palm connecting to his cheek stunned not just the adults inside, but you.

No self respecting sorcerer with the Limitless ability would have been taken by surprise and yet here you sat, having successfully struck the heir to the Gojo name right across his smug face.

You drew your hand back. His pale cheek had turned a throbbing red so quickly, his smirk raised as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose and revealed how his blue eyes danced with open amusement.

***

September, 2017.

The uproar that followed that moment twelve years ago had been profound. Your parents had spent the remainder of the visit profusely apologizing and demanding explanations… and the entire time Gojo had stared only at you. Blue eyes wide and engulfing, a smirk etched in the corner of his mouth even as he got up and strode out without another word.

You remembered he had whistled as he went. As if it were all according to plan.

No betrothal was agreed to that night nor any night since. You were never summoned to the main house again.

It had been the most freeing moment of your young life, opening the world from the one pinpointed hope you’d be born with the Six Eyes or wed to the one who had it into a kaleidoscope of possibility.

You attended Jujutsu Tech’s Kyoto branch, keeping far out of the way of the rising star of the Gojo clan.

Well.

Sorta.

So the problem with having an inherited technique that allowed you to “see” curses and cursed energy users from great distances? Gojo Satoru. The man was such an expansive supernova of energy that when you opened your mind and utilized your gift of telemetry to try and pinpoint targets you had to navigate around his massive, dominating aura.

It was like counting stars against a sunlit sky. The ability, that should have been astronomically useful, rendered inert if Gojo Satoru was on the field.

You tried not to have your own missions line up with his. Which meant keeping tabs on him. Which meant having to live with this gnat, this buzzing fly of cursed bullshit constantly humming in the background when you used your gifts.

You wished everyday you had swatted him harder.

Missions in Tokyo were the worst, but you accepted them without complaint. The fact you’d even managed to rise to second grade despite your public humiliation of the main family’s golden child was a miracle in itself and not one you would squander.

The task was simply. There was a cursed entity that was utilizing the signal within electric devices of all things to move from device to device, rapid as an electrical pulse. It had already killed five non-sorcerers in surge related house-fires in two days. The risk of it causing a massive firestorm in any district rising.

The air had begun to cool in Tokyo, the heat of the summer giving way to fall. You sat on a bench, wireless com already clipped to your ear, the only sound so far the faint static of the open radio and the sound of your breath. The air had that crispness already, the bare cusp of autumn. You steadied your thoughts and began to shut down your senses.

The cursed energy of the young sorcerer students around you began to glow in your mind’s eye, the rest of the world fading into shades of imperceptible grey. Blurring. Distorting.

If you had the Six Eyes, you would be able to see it all. But instead, you blinded yourself to everything but the cursed when you utilized your skill.

You shut your eyes and with a soft breath you whispered, “Cursed technique— Limitless Telemetry: Grey.”

The city revealed itself to your five senses like a massive overflowing of information. Had you not taken the time to adjust, quickly shutting down your hearing, sight, taste, smell and touch in order to compensate, the mental load would have stunned you into a comatose state for several hours. Another thing a Six Eyes user would never need to do. You mentally chastised yourself for allowing the distraction of a deprecating thought, and focused instead upon your sixth sense. The one that tracked beyond the physical.

You were effectively helpless in this state, but within your mind you breezed through the city like a thumb pressed over the pages of a book. Flipping at your leisure as you focused in upon the fastest moving pulse of cursed energy.

In your “peripheral vision” or what acted like a sort of peripheral vision, you could sense the constant presence of Gojo. It was far away, diluted. You wondered if perhaps he was overseas for the barest moment until your senses snapped together and fell upon your target.

You spoke. Your words falling on your own deaf ears as you gave the location into the com. You perceived the movement of the three students. Good kids, fast learners. One boy was even a scion of another great house and the one girl among them possessed a cursed technique of extreme value. The other boy, the pink haired one, you had yet to understand, but his cursed energy output was impressive.

The entity moved. You adjusted, giving new instructions. The curse had not yet caught on to the fact it was being tracked, a fact you would use to your advantage as long as possible. If the curse sensed you, it could easily close the distance and attempt to seek you out… which was why sitting in a park, far from any electrical devices other than your battery powered radio was the safest place you could be.

And if worse came to worse, at least it would be drawn out in the open.

The entity jumped again, following the planned route the three had decided upon to box it further and further into a section of the city that they had already prepared to shut down. Without power, the curse would have to break free of its hiding place within the electric current.

How did a curse even get into the power grid? Too many lost football games on TV? You chuckled a bit to yourself without thinking, providing the newest coordinates as you watched, like an omnipresent spectator as the energies of the curse and the students moved.

This is why I score the highest at Pac-Man…

Everything was going according to plan. You had begun to even let your thoughts wonder, your focus softening just the barest fraction as the students rounded the final corner and blocked the curse into the chosen spot.

And now here comes the switch…

You braced for the surge of cursed energy you expected to feel from it’s ejection…but the power stayed on. You had to stifle the sensation of panic that sparked through your heart, your cursed energy rising a fraction.

And there it was. You felt the shift, the sudden adjusting of the entity. The students flared bright, attacking to try and ward off its escape, but without the power shut off they were waiting for, the curse easily vanished, pulsing through the city and heading now straight ahead… to you.

It’s fine. Fine. Nothing electric by me, so no fast travel.

It couldn’t pass through the coms. It would need to branch off into another grounded circuit and then physically come out to face you in the empty park.

You could hold unto the technique a little longer. Guide the students a little longer. You snapped information in quick short terms. Watching the cursed energy approach closer and closer until it reached the last building at the far end of the park.

And then, inexplicably, it jumped again.

The force in which you were propelled did not immediately register to your mind as your senses flickered and began to come back on line one by one.

The first was touch.

And thus pain.

Your muscles contracted, shot full with an electrical pulse. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, the strike coming indirectly as if someone had forced the curse away. Something blinding and bright exploding over the far-reaching vision of your Limitless technique before your ability snapped off like a cut thread.

Your hearing came back first from sheer force of will. Sight returning in blurry, slowly filling shapes. You forced yourself up from the ground, feeling scrapes biting along your palms.

“You fucking dick.” You managed to hiss, your vision returning just in time to witness the exorcism of the curse by none other than Gojo Satoru.

***

“You used me as bait!”

Your voice reverberated off the hallway walls, your mild injuries tended to but your grievances still in desperate need of airing.

You were only comforted by the fact his students had not been involved in the deception, having also thought Gojo was away while they worked under her guidance in the meanwhile. You were no teacher, but you had taken enough students through missions to be adequate at “babysitting”.

Gojo grinned easily, eyes hidden behind his blind fold as he ran a hand up his neck, feigning a bashfulness you knew had not an ounce of genuineness to it.

The bastard had quietly set up a god damn daisy chain of extension cables into the park, ending plugged into a cheap TV set… right next to you. And he’d done it only after you’d entered your Limitless, taking advantage of your lack of senses to literally bait you like a god damn fish hook and then swoop in to destroy the curse.

His students had been a distraction. A means to force the curse into seeking you out and getting into the open where it could not easily run again. It was the most convoluted, infuriatingly, ridiculous brilliant bullshit you had heard in a long while.

“Pretty clever, yeah? I’ve been practicing my multi-layer tactics.”

“That wasn’t a tactic, it was a gamble and a shitty one at that!”

“Yeah, yeah, but did you die?” Gojo asked, tilting his head to the side. His voice was tinged with amusement and you wondered for a moment if he even remembered you and this was some elaborate “gotcha” twelve years in the making… or if this kind of backhanded backstabbing was common place for him.

“It was interesting to see your technique in action. I could probably give you some tips on how to make it more effective, but they’d be pretty useless to— well. You. So I figure I’ll just make the tweaks and practice it myself!”

You stayed silent.

“What did ya call it? Limitless Telemetry?”

You turned and walked in the opposite direction.

“Whoa— hold on.”

Your exit was cut off, the grinning face you wanted nothing more than to connect your fist into coming back into view.

“I’m kidding. Don’t run off and cry now, we got some other business I wanna discuss.”

“If you’re planning on pitching another mission to me, I pass.”

“Nope. Well— yes. But not like this one.”

You sighed, side stepped, and continued around him again.

“I’ll buy you lunch!”

You stopped.

“And maybe even some kakigōriiiiiiii—“ he continued, his voice lifting to a sing-song tone as he stretched out the word. Your stomach twisted and grumbled in response. Using your Limitless always took so much out of you… a side effect you wondered if he experienced to.

You turned to look back at the man who hadn’t so much as glanced your way in years and wondered again if he was so stupid he didn’t remember who you were or if he was hatching some new plot.

He smiled in what you assumed he thought was a disarming and charming way.

“Fine.”

***

You had settled for a sweet plum flavor, dipping your small wooden spoon into the shaved ice and enjoying the way it melted across your tongue. Flavors always felt more pronounced after you used your Limitless, smells more intense. The sights sharper. It was probably just a placebo effect from being without them, even for a short amount of time, but regardless you enjoyed the sweet flavor and the fruity smell of the different syrups… most of which were coming from Gojo’s own cup.

He had gotten every flavor. The shaved ice in his cup a rainbow of color and tastes as he scooped several together at a time.

The lunch he promised had yet to come, but the treat was enough for now as the sugar helped give a little more pep to your body and your mood. The amount of calories you expended using your gifts was another thing entirely.

The two of you walked a ways in silence, giving you time to observe him for the first time in over a decade.

He had changed, that much you could tell. There was something less harsh in his general demeanor and he had grown considerably since he was fifteen. The boyishness of his face had sharpened, the man overtaking his features. He was broader, less lanky than his teenage self and while his easygoing and devil-may-care attitude was still present, there was something less— edged about it. Less angry.

“Your hair is shorter now,” Gojo said suddenly, “And your chest is bigger.”

You immediately frowned. A look of open disgust flashing over your face. Gojo laughed.

“Thought I forgot about ya, didn’t you?” He slid a thumb over his cheek, the gesture making you flush at the memory of what it felt like to slap the smirk off his face.

“Honestly? Yes.” you answered shortly, taking another bite of your ice.

“Nah. I remember, just figured there was no point in makin’ nice. You seem to be doing fine on your own these days. Second grade, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“As short worded as ever.”

He strode off, forcing you to match his pace. He found a park bench and sat down, sprawling out lazily. You sat next to him at his insistence, knocking your knee into his own until he closed his thighs a bit more with a chuckle.

“Thought you’d be a first grade by now.”

“I have not been recommended.”

He snorted, “Bet you know why.”

You clenched your teeth, holding back a sharp word and an even sharper desire to toss your kakigōri right in his face. Arrogant as ever. Some things, you guessed, did not get better with age.

“The great and fabled Six Eyes holding a grudge over a love tap? How trite.” you said, trying to keep your words indifferent.

“Is that what it was? I had a bruise ya know.”

“You could have stopped my hand before it ever even touched you. You wanted me to slap you so you could get out of having to do anymore meetings.”

His laugh was all the confirmation you needed.

“Is that what you’ve thought all this time?”

“It’s what I know.”

Gojo turned his attention back to his shaved ice, the two of you sitting in silence long enough for the weight of it to become uncomfortable for you. Finally you shifted and scrapped your spoon down the ice, leaving trails of melting syrup.

“What is it that you want?” Because that was what this was about wasn’t it? He wanted something. The main family never disdained to speak to the lower members without a need and Gojo Satoru was not about to be the exception.

“I’m going to recommend you for first-grade sorcerer status.”

You scrapped your spoon through so harshly a chunk of colored ice fumbled down the side of the paper cup and down your hand. You dodged just in time to avoid it landing with a wet smack on your pants.

You gaped openly at him, but Gojo kept his attention fixed on his ice, happily stirring it up into a soupy, syrupy mess.

“… and yet again I ask, what is that you want?”

Gojo leaned back, tilting his face towards you with an easy grin. You wondered if he saw the world the way you did with your Limitless with his eyes shaded. Seeing only the impressions of energy and sensation. Could he see your expression? The confusion in the downturn of your mouth or the suspicion in the narrowness of your eyes?

“Nothing too crazy! Just need a fiancée.”

The breath punched out of your lungs.

***

You waited outside the small convenience store across the street, feeling your cheeks beginning to lessen in redness from both anger and embarrassment at your sudden outburst.

When Gojo returned from inside, his hair was still wet… and there was still some redness from the syrup stuck to the strands. You hadn’t been able to control the impulse to throw your kakigōri at him, the breaking of your composure having flowed directly down your arm. It could have been worse, you supposed. You could have punched him.

He had needed to rinse off his blindfold, the fabric now folded and tucked into his back pocket. He had replaced it with the dark glasses you recognized from his youth, giving you a glimpse of the bright blueness of his eyes every once and awhile.

Gojo sighed and tossed a damp paper towel into a bin and turned to you expectantly. You gingerly handed him back his own dessert, having minded it for him while he went into the men’s room to clean up. It was practically soup now and you winced when he lifted it to his lips and drank it.

“As I was saying—“ he began with a smack of his lips.

“No—”

“—it’s a pretend engagement.”

Your mouth hung open, half ready to utter another refusal, which you swallowed back in as he waited expectantly for you to cease interrupting him.

“You let me take you on a few dates, we put on a show of my courting a potential betrothed and in exchange I green light your promotion.”

You narrowed your eyes, biting the corner of your lip into your mouth in obvious consideration.

“For how long?”

Your directness didn’t seem to offend him. Quite the opposite actually. Every time you curtly dropped a single or few word sentence he seemed to only smile brighter.

Gojo shrugged, “A few months. Maybe more. Until I figure out a permanent solution.”

“Your parents want you to get married?”

“The whole clan wants me to get married, sweetheart. I am the strongest.”

And now came the obvious question.

“Why me?”

Gojo shrugged, “You were one of their first picks to start with, so they’ll approve. And there isn’t a risk of you falling for me…”

His lips upturned into a sly grin, “… too quickly.”

You scoffed.

“Family will back off. I get a bit of peace until I have to kick you to the curb, and you get to be a first-class sorcerer. Everyone wins.”

“I’m not going to fall for you.”

Gojo gave a sad little nod, like he was agreeing with a deluded person in order to keep them calm and reasonable.

Granted, you did just effectively hurl a slushy at him a few minutes prior.

“This seems a bit extreme, even for you. Why do you think I’d even say yes? You know exactly why you got slapped. Can I expect that same level of charm from our future ‘dates’?” you asked, kicking yourself for having implied in your words you knew him well enough to even know what was extreme for him. The comment did not go unnoticed, even with his half expression hidden you could tell his interest was piqued. The last thing you wanted to do was to explain to this insufferable man how his very presence was as constant as the sun. Always nagging in the back of your mind and in your abilities.

You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“That was awhile ago. Most girls find me pretty charming these days. As to why you’d say yes— given it is probably your best chance at getting to first grade sorcerer status, I can’t think of a reason you wouldn’t.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. Fifteen year old you would be outraged, furious. She would not have considered this offer for a second. She would have stamped her foot and told him exactly where he could stick his offer.

But twenty-eight year old you had learned that very often principles were made to be damned.

“And the fact I can tell you are just dying to say yes.”

There was that arrogance again.

“You still buying me lunch?” you countered and the smile he gave you was a bit different than the ones before.

“Wow. No one will even question how I could have been charmed by such a talented freeloader.”

“I am exceedingly charming.”

“And what an arm. You play softball or you just start a lot of food fights as a kid?”

“I want sushi.” You said, the finality of your voice inarguable. You thought he might have rolled his eyes, but nevertheless you got your lunch and even managed to bargain a single day to think about the offer.

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x oc #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujustu kaisen fanfiction #gojo satoru fanfic #gojo satoru x you #IDK WHAT I AM DOING LOL #YOLO

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