#when i was like slightly younger i thought i wouldnt want it

[nightgarla]

god i wanna get top surgery so bad

[sirxlla]

Non-Emergencies

----------------------------------------------------

Warnings: Fluff, use of Y/N

Prompt: Your Grandma calls 911 to flirt with the firefighters

Notes: Female reader, italics are actions and thoughts.

-With that said it's all under the cut-

Your grandma needed a little extra help around the house after her hip replacement so you, your mother and father were taking care of her. Currently you were on Grandma duty for the next six hours.

"You should see the firefighters at the station near here, they are just the cutest and the one with the little mark above his eyebrow? Oh, you'd really like him."

You left her alone for five minutes while you got the Uber Eats order and she had already made the call to 911. She put the phone down like she hadn't just commited a crime so of course you expected that maybe she'd called a friend or answered the phone or something, something really benign.

"LAFD, Ma'am are you alright." The 118 had seen your grandmother before, she was a 'frequent flyer' is what they called her. She did often call when she was lonely or couldn't understand how to turn on the tv but she secretly wanted company or to oogle the men.

"Grandma, Why's the fire department here?" You asked with shock and a tad bit of annoyance.

"Is that who I called?" She acted innocent and again like it isnt a crime to call the fire department for nothing.

"That is who you called, Ms. Dotty." Eddie spoke to her and did a check to make sure she's fine cause he has to.

"She's fi-" You started but your grandma interrupted.

"My hearts a little fast but maybe thats just cause of you." The seventy year old flirted with the brunette man.

"Well, arent you a charming showstopper as always, Ms. Dotty." Eddie replied back.

"She doesnt even need anythin-" You start to tell the other man before looking up at him, he had the mark near his eyebrow like she said and god was he beautiful, a killer smile, his hair a bit curly and his eyes were like seas of endles-

"Yeah, we kinda figured but we don't mind checkin up on her." Buck interrupts your thoughts with and you felt weak in your knees as soon as his smile widened.

"Evan Buckley but you can call me Buck if you like, everyone else does." He reached out his hand.

Naturally, due to Buck being insanely charming you were already blushing which caused your grandma to wink at you when Eddie wasn't looking.

"You okay? You seem a little flushed." He retracted his hand and asked you with concern.

"No, I'm good I promise." Trying to hide the blush on your cheeks or the smile of embarrassment that was quickly fighting it's way to your face.

"I heard you boys needed volunteers for the Christmas thing you guys are putting on for the kiddos. I'm sure my granddaughter would love to help out." Your grandma kept trying to play wing-woman for you.

"Well we really do need another woman to help us out and I think she'd be perfect. Can I get your number and I'll just text you the details." Buck said in a slightly flirty tone.

"I wouldnt wanna be a both-"

"Her number is 424-555-7652. Her names Y/N but most people call her Ducky." Your grandma wrote it down and handed it to Evan.

"Awe, Buck and Duck." Eddie starts before their pagers went off with an actual call that wasnt a grandma wanting to flirt with firefighters.

"Well it was lovely to see you, Ms. Dotty!" Eddie packs up the med kit and gets ready to get out of there.

"I'll give you a call, Ducky." Buck says with a blush as he bolts out of there after Eddie.

"I don't know if I should be mad at you or not, Grandma." Still trying to hife the blush or how your eyes had memorized every part of Buck's face.

"I told you he was cute, they both are. If I was younger, I bet the brunette would go for me." Your grandma said with a smirk and a rather large amount of confidence.

"Yeah, I'm sure he would." You laugh a bit, she's always been a little bit of a minx and it was clear that she wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

-> Masterlist <-

[artdcnaldson]

UGH ok twist my arm i guess!!!! as a little treat!!!! dr donaldson <3

so gynecologist art, yall, doctor donaldson. cat and i were in the dms TRUST. so art decides that he should probably have a backup plan, just in case tennis doesnt work out after college. he doesnt expect to actually need it because his tennis is going great, hes on track to go pro very soon. but JUST in case, he decides to use his good grades to study some kind of medicine. initially he had thought some kind of sports medicine, if nothing else then it would be good knowledge for himself down the line.

but after his grandma passes (not of a stroke) and he hears his family discussing how if only her gynecologist had paid better attention and taken her serious she might have lived longer (idk anything about medicine but probably some kind of cancer yknow?). anyway he sees that a his motivation and picks gynecology as his field. patrick absolutely teases him to death over it, "you're gonna be a pussy doctor? what so you just get to look at naked chicks all day? i'd quit tennis for that too". again he's not really expecting to need it, so he doesnt take it too hard. but he's kind of obviously the only guy in the course, and the girls all think he's kind of weird for wanting to pursue a field of medicine that isnt relevant to him. but after him telling the story about his grandmother they all coo and comfort him that its okey and they understand.

he does well in all his classes because he does truly find it interesting and wants to do his best to help women. but as he's getting ready to go pro, he has an accident on the court, as he's going to return a long ball he twists his ankle and takes a bad fall. his recovery is good, but his ankle will never be as it was before, and his chances of the big tennis dream slowly dies. and ultimately he's just unwilling to spend his life as a struggling tennis player, when he could be making a real difference.

now that he has his own practice he likes to tell that story to his new patients, especially the ones who seem tense with the fact that he's a man, who will be examining their most private area. it does well to ease their minds. hes been doing this for many years now, he enjoys the work, and the women who come to him are happy with his work. his patients are typically slightly older women, as they're not as phased by a male gynecologist, whereas most younger women arent as comfortable with the idea. he doesnt mind that, in fact he understands perfectly. honestly hes grateful for it, he fears the day he might have a patient whos just a bit too attractive and he'll have to struggle to keep his cool.

that day unfortunately comes sooner than he had hoped. its your first appointment with him after having him recommended by a friend, you had contacted him and told him how you were very unhappy with your current doctor and wanted to try something else. not having had a male doctor before, except like your dentist, youre very nervous for the appointment. not knowing what to expect from it, or how seriously he will take your issues. out of nervous habit youve gotten ready for the appointment as if it were a date rather than a clinical exam. showered, shaved, cute panties, hair and makeup done. its all totally unnecessary, but the moment you see him for the first time you thank the divine for looking your absolute best. GOD hes so hot. far too hot to be a doctor. lets just say that he wears scrubs because theyre so sexy, and they truly are criminally flattering on him. he sits on his chair, typing away as youre lead into the room by an assistant. as soon as he looks up and asks you to have a seat with him, you both know youre screwed. the tension is immediately noticeable as you discuss your reason for coming in, just a routine check because your last doctor wouldnt do it thorough enough and didnt listen enough to your issues.

he leaves the room while you strip off and leave your clothes in a neat little pile, panties clearly on top in the hope that he'll see them and think theyre cute. and he does, in fact his eyes keep fluttering to them as hes getting ready for the exam. he has to adjust his chair a little lower in the hopes that you cant see that he's getting hard. meanwhile youre going from soaking to sopping wet as you watch him put on the latex gloves, snapping them against his wrist.

he can tell that you're tense, but as its your first appointment with a male gynecologist, he assumes thats the reason, and not the fact that youre mortifyingly wet. he tries to calm your nerves by telling you what he'll be doing, he sits right in front of you on his chair and tells you how first he'll examine externally, just checking for anything irregular. then an internal exam with the same purpose, and then finally a physical exam where he will just have to feel your tummy as well as your pelvis to ensure everything is as it should be. totally routine stuff, nothing out of the ordinary, if anything hes far more attentive and careful to make sure youre comfortable. but the way hes saying it, his voice and the way he's looking at you has you clenching your thighs shut and trying to keep yourself from making a puddle on the table.

as he gathers his tools he asks you to place your legs in the stirrups, he sees you struggling a little to get your right leg properly in place, he gently grabs your leg and helps you place it properly. goosebumps cover you leg as he pulls his hand away again. you can feel how wet you are as youre not totally exposed to him, dripping wet, youve been less wet when hooking up with people. this is just from interacting with him briefly, really its embarrassing. hes so sweet asking if everythings alright, and if he can do anything to help you relax. and after squeezing your eyes shut and holding your breath for a second you finally get out that you just feel like youre really wet, and youre not youre not sure why, this doesnt usually happen. hes so sweet, trying to reassure you, telling you its perfectly normal. its a natural response from your body, if anything its a sign that youre healthy!

hes not lying, he really does mean what hes saying, it is good and it is normal. but hes never seen anyone be quite this wet during an appointment in his office. youre soaked, its practically dripping onto the table and forming a puddle. if he was sporting a semi under the table he might have referred you to a different doctor. but youre so pretty he cant help himself.

he really does try his best to stay professional and not let his attraction crack through and distract from his work. but fuck youre so tight around his latex covered fingers when hes doing the exam. and you only squeeze down tighter when he tries to reassure you, tell you youre doing good. its making it hard for him to focus on the task at hand. it takes everything in him to keep his hands from drifting and moving to find those sweet spots inside of you. he doesnt have to deprive himself for long tho as he accidentally brushed against your gspot. his cheeks turn bright pink as he hears a tiny moan escape your lips. and youd been so good at keeping them in the whole time too. but this one couldnt be contained. he stays good, doesnt say anything, just carries on with his work. but he almost lets out a moan of his own as he sees the ring of cream gathered around his gloved fingers.

he takes his work very seriously and he doesnt take the idea of losing his medical license due to malpractice lightly, so he wouldnt be just giving in to his urges. his resolve breaking doent come lightly, its a big deal to him. he goes home that day and jerks off in the shower while thinking about you, he knows exactly what your pussy looks like, what it feels like, how soaking wet you got for him. he cums again in his bed and humps his mattress while dreaming about you. he wakes up and decided he needs to see you again. asks his assistant to set up another appointment with you. when he asks what for, he stutters and says something about needing to do some tests just to be sure of something. hes lying, obviously, but he needs to see you again. he cant stop thinking about your tight little cunt...

-🐞

ladybug your mind amazes me... <3

He can't risk medical malpractice, and he really is a good doctor, he loves his work, he wants to help people. And he's really never, ever reacted this way to a patient before, but god, he can't get you out of his mind.

So maybe he schedules a follow up for a week later. Maybe his heart is racing and his palms sweat when he walks into the examination room and sees you in the little fabric gown, hands in your lap, worrying your lip between your teeth.

He feels like a nervous teenager on a first date, not a fucking healthcare professional.

He listens to you speak about your concerns, walks through your test results from the week prior. Everything looks good, he says. Nothing felt abnormal, your body is working just how it's supposed to. Do you have any questions for me?

You shake your head, sweet and shy, aching for an excuse to get his hands on you again, but running low on things you can ask for.

[pumpkinsy0]

any hcs abt soda/darry and how they feel abt PaperCut/Curly ?

YKNOW WHAT I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE IM TOTALLY EXPLAINING THIS ONE I HAVE A LOT TO SAY☝🏽

sodas thoughts on em

i said it before and ill say it again, soda doesnt HATE curly, i truly don’t think he does, it takes a lot to make a guy like soda hate someone, however i don’t think he likes curly either, and that truly ONLY comes from the fact that curlys hanging out w pony. to say soda woukd hate curly feels like a huge mischaracterization that i see in fics and DONT GET ME WRONG its interesting, but it gets to a point where it gets a lillllll boring???? cause ikkk if curly was just some regular greaser who wasn’t close to them, i don’t think he would rlly care much for what he was doing. u gotta remember that he lets pony hang out w DALLAS here and there, and i’m willing to bet that it’s bc he knows pony doesn’t look up to him. but w curly, it’s obvious pony LIKES being around him and look it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that them being around each other is a literal danger, he’s protective of pony as is, to have some HOODLUM!! around pony scares him even more so bc they’re around the same age and pony technically doesn’t have anyone who’s his age so he knows pony’s naturally seeking that out. there’s only so much the gang can rlly do for pony!!

and i will die on the hill that as much as he “slightly doesnt like” curly, he still does care for him!! theres a cap on how little he doesnt bc he knows that at the end of the day, curlys also a troubled kid looking for connections. if things were different, i dont think soda would rlly mind them being together cause he knows they make each other happy, and thats all he could rlly want.

darrys thoughts on em

dare i say,,,i dont think darry would gaf AS MUCH as ppl say

i dont think darry is HOVERING over them wondering what theyre doing 24/7, i say this bc again, they let pony hang w dally sometimes, but then even without dally being there, if he didnt exist, they STILL wouldnt care bc EVERYONE around town acts the way curly does. they dont have the biggest moral high ground bc theyre pretty desensitized to what crimes ppl commit. add on the fact that darry got bills to pay and yea i cant see him putting all his energy into helicopter parenting pony like that.

only time he ever would b like that is around the time he knows the social worker is gonna visit, where darrys more stressed and wants everything to go smoothly, so pony is t taken away from him, i dont think u can rlly blame him for that😭

AND YKNOW WHAT??? i think darry cares more for papercut/curly than soda does partially bc he sees himself in curly (and pony) when he was younger!! carefree, just doing anything they wanted, and yes times have changed, that doesnt mean he wants to keep pony on a tight leash. its usually darry who has to pull soda back and just b like “let it go”, soda cant fathom it and no amount of explaining could rly make him understand, over the years hes just gonna have to see it for himself

[kennediffed]

No Spoken Word, No Small Command

pairing: ID! Leon S Kennedy x reader

description: One little set of words was enough to change the mind of your older coworker

content: afab reader, older male/younger woman, suggestive content, pet names (princess, babygirl, doll), teasing, Leon calls himself an old fart like one time, not proofread at all with the exception of correcting spelling mistakes

word count: 698

partially inspired by this leon c.ai bot (also this song, but mostly due to the title)

hiii! im back, i kinda took an extended break due to burnout but i should be back to writing now!

AO3 Version!

Masterlist

~

"I'm sorry, run that by me again?" the older male sitting across from you nearly choked on his drink as you made your request known to him.

You had just made the ballsiest move in your life by asking your older coworker Leon out on a date. You couldnt help but shift your weight from one foot to the other as you nervously stood there. You cleared your throat before repeating yourself. "I…. I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime?"

He leaned back in his chair before looking at you with those beautiful blue eyes of his. "Babygirl, I think Im a little too old for you" Leon chuckled before taking another sip.

You sighed, you knew that he would answer like that. Considering there was a noticeable age gap between the two of you, you were foolish to think that he would answer any other way other than bringing up the differences in your ages. Not to mention relationships with considerable age gaps are often looked down upon, and theres no doubt your peers at the DSO would have the same opinion if they found out.

"Besides... even though I want you to myself... it wouldnt be fair to anyone else, doll. I bet you got a lot of boys lining up around the block that'll fight for the chance to be with you"

You drummed your fingers against the wooden desk in front of you as you tried to think of a response.

"Well, with all due respect sir, those boys dont know how to treat a lady..." you began, exhaling. "Besides, Mr. Kennedy... we're both adults here, I fail to see what the issue is."

Leon chuckled again, leaning back in his desk chair.

"While you may be right about that, you still got your whole life ahead of you too, princess..." his voice was playful in tone as he took another sip. "you shouldn't waste it on an old fart like myself"

You stepped closer to his desk, leaning over it slightly. "But what if i want to spend it on you?" you asked, feigning innocence. You walked around the desk until you were on the same side that he was on before sitting on the desk and crossing your legs. "Besides, you're not *that* old"

He looked up at you, a smirk threatening to break out on his face. "Dangerous game you're playing here (y/n)." It truly was a dangerous game, and he was losing it.

You tilted his head up. "Come on Leon..." you cooed, "one chance?"

Something inside him snapped right then and there cause he chuckled and looked down at his lap right there and then. "You're tempting me sweet thing" he mumbled, his hands gripping gently onto your waist.

You couldnt help but giggle at his eagerness.

"I thought you were concerned about your job?" you softly spoke once more "why the sudden change of heart, Leon?"

"I can't say no to a pretty thing like yourself." He mumbled, his nose pressed up against your neck. "You dont have any plans for later today, do you?"

You shook your head no. "Unless you count napping at home as plans for later, no... why do you ask?" you hummed.

He chuckled before looking back up at you. "Was wondering if you wanted to go out after you get off your shift... get to know each other a little better..." his tone was laced with slight hunger and desire. He then leaned up into your ear and whispered. "I'll be making sure you can't walk straight when you clock in tomorrow too"

You giggled in response. "how scandalous, i look forward to it" you teased, before looking down into his eyes.

"I get off at 5... see you then?" you softly spoke. 

"You got it sweetheart" he let go of your waist and you started making your way to the door. "Just... dont think about me too much... dont wanna spoil the surprises I have in store."

You gave him a smirk before speaking again. "No promises" you smugly said before leaving the room and going back to work. You couldnt wait until 5 pm.

[midnightbrightside]

30, 32 for Krisnix

And 9 as well for them. But I guess more along the lines of having more children

Thank you I love your thoughts about them 🙏🏼

i answered 30 here!

32- Who's the better storyteller?

phoenix's entire schtick is bluffing i KNOW he can spin a good tale. also i bet he was into improv when he was in college, goddamn theatre kid. kristoph is better with gossiping and rumours but cant tell a story for shit honestly. not that he doesnt have any imagination it's just that storytelling requires an amount of improvising that kristoph just Can't Do, he usually plans everything ahead down to the last detail.

9- What are their thoughts on having children?

or in this case more children. tbh i think kristoph wouldnt want to have children, he's perfectly content sharing his life with his dog and no one else. of course his feelings about family change slightly when he becomes a cog in the wright family clockwork, but he wouldnt exactly consider himself a coparent to trucy.

also i have this hc that one day trucy makes a mistake like she gets into trouble at school or she accidentally breaks a mug or something, and phoenix handles it so gently, like it's okay trucy, we'll figure this out/clean this up together. no getting angry no yelling or anything.

and kris is frozen by how that's. an option. logically he knows that, but its so different knowing in his head vs seeing with his eyes. he almost wants to tell phoenix to be harder on trucy (because thats how he learned discipline) but he doesnt. he thinks about that moment for days and it kinda solidifies for him that he doesnt think he could have children.

phoenix is the kinda guy who used to be like "i dont necessarily plan on having kids, but if my partner wants them them then im down!" but after adopting and raising trucy for a bit hes so in love w the idea of having more. he wants a big family (like he never had) and knows trucy would love younger siblings. i think, once he gets his badge back and is stable, that fostering would be something he considers. but honestly he should get around to telling trucy and apollo the truth first.....

[favouritefi]

I would be super fascinated to learn more about how Peglar's views re. If humans get to be people why can't I, affects his relationship with Bridgens - and really just about how they came to be in/navigate through that relationship. Your art is adorable and I love it doubly more so for the amount of care and consideration you have for the inner works of creating a dog/cat boy world. :)

aw thank you this au really is my brain going "crack treated seriously" and somehow making This and im glad other ppl enjoy it too. i have a lot of thoughts on this in terms of how much history to keep and how much to disregard so its under the cut:

so apparently in the book (which i have not read and do not plan to read) bridglar met on the hms beagle and as far as i can tell thats completely made up bc peglar was sailing w the east india company at the time.

then theres the show weirdness of bridgens being like in his 50s/60s when irl bridgens was in his 20s and this makes more sense bc as far as i can tell the position of steward was usually one reserved for younger men so for 50smth bridgens to be jfj's steward is a little odd and esp odd if hes a human in a position that is typically meant for cat/dogboys so my logic for this is that either 1) jfj requested bridgens to be his steward or 2) bridgens requested to be jfj's steward and either option would mean giving bridgens and jfj a slightly closer relationship than what they have in show canon which is fine that just means peglar and bridgens likely met during the first opium war but then how they met is still a mystery bc peglar would be aboard the wanderer with hodgson and bridgens would be on the cornwallis/clio with jfj so like ???

POINT BEING for all the reasons above ive handwaved away exactly how they meet but AT SOME POINT they do meet during the first opium war. peglar was the one who initiated the relationship tho the two of them did have mutual feelings for each other before committing to anything and bridgens is deffo the kinda guy who would go all "i would love you no matter what species you are" and actually mean it and peglar. ok so. i have a lot of thoughts about peglar.

so irl peglar was lashed for drunkeness and mutinous conduct while serving with the east indian company and for catboy peglar i like to imagine that travelling to places where cat/dogboys arent treated the way they are treated in england really opened his eyes and his mind to the idea of being treated like a person and this is obviously not a mindset that human officers want him to have and hence why he was lashed. he then served on the wanderer fighting against the slave trade and thats another chance to see a different type of human-to-cat/dogboy relationship even if he wouldnt have had as many opportunities to live amongst the locals as he did while with the east india company. and peglars like, smart. part of the reason why bridgens falls in love w him is bc of his intelligence and cheek and wit and peglar knows that britiannia's "civilizing mission" is bogus because while they are trying to abolish slavery on one hand they are also actively enforcing Company rule in India on the other and bc peglar has seen both sides of that he has Thoughts about it, Thoughts he didnt dare share with anyone until bridgens coaxed it out of him and to his surprise bridgens agreed with him.

bridgens, being well read and well educated, also knows that the way england treats cat/dogboys is the exception and not the rule and really like cherishes peglar and loves him like truly loves him and is thus completely aware of and careful of their uneven power dynamic here and wouldve never been the first to initiate anything for that very reason. and its not easy to navigate this forbidden relationship but peglar makes it worth it and both of them did worry that maybe this was merely a maritime romance but in the months between the war and the expedition they managed to sneak in lowkey dates on land and found that they were still very much compatible and it really makes things all the more tragic that bridgens cant afford to adopt peglar outright and ensure that henry lives out the rest of his days in peace curled up next to the fire with a good book and smiling whenever he catches john staring at him and god, they are so in love.

[chiiyuuvv]

Can u do junmin and reader being classmates and junmin liking her but he didn’t want to tell her because there was a rumor that the reader is gay idk lol

JEALOUSY - JUNMIN °

• PAIRING — junmin x female reader (yk the usual replace/ignore, brother!minjae, ???!jinsik

• GENRE — jealous junmin, highschool au, i achieved my word limit lets goooo

• WORD COUNT — 1378 I GOT OVER 1K IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

• AUTHORS NOTE — yeah so um i changed the last part of the request. Thank you for requesting and sorry for the wait im feeling so lazy all of a sudden 😭

MASTERLIST!

Junmin huffs as he watches jinsik tuck a pencil behind your ear, you hands covering your mouth as you burst out into a fit of giggles, one of your hands removing to slap him on the shoulder repeatedly.

"Maybe she just has a thing for younger guys."

"Maybe?" Junmin turns around, his chin resting on his closed fist as he blinks at the boy. "Minjae, thats your sister." He deadpans, taking another bite of his biscuit. "Cant you tell me something??~"

"No can do buddy." Minjae pats his shoulders, a reassuring smile forming. "Thats her privacy.. gotta respect that." Junmin could see a small smirk on minjaes face, as if he knew what was going on, yet he wouldnt tell junmin a thing.

"Gotta go!!" Minjae waves before walking away, not giving a chance for junmin to question the latter. Junmin sighs, he hated the feeling of his chest tightening whenever you were around jinsik but there was nothing he could do, like he was trapped in that feeling.

He gathers some crumbs from his biscuit, throwing it away as he decides that it was his time to go too. "Junmin!!" He turns his head to the cheerful voice as he feels like he was stopped in his tracks. There you stood, happy as ever as you waved at him.

He wanted to wave at you back, but it felt like something was stopping him. Oh yeah, jinsik. The sparkly glow in his eyes soon fades into a lifeless black as he turns his head, walking away from your now frowning figure.

Slipping an earbub in his ear, he begins to walk to his next class, hopelessly thinking about what it would be like if you were his. He felt replaced as soon as ham jinsik walked through the door. He already caught the attention from the other highschool girls and athlete guys, yet he decided to hang around you.

And there he feels it again, the lurching in his stomach as he tries to shake past the thought. He liked you so much, everyone knew — except you, from what he assumed. He wanted to be the reason for why you were laughing. He wanted to be the boy that you rested your head on. He wanted to pass you silly notes in the middle of class.

Oh right, jinsik.

Pushing his bag to the floor, he sits at his desk, adjusting his music volume when he feels a tap on his shoulder. You. He thinks to himself as he looks up, a smiley boy waving at him.

"Hyung!! Are you going to minjae hyungs house after school? I heard we were going to play board games or something.."

"Hmm." The boy nods jinsik off, he wasnt in the mood to speak right now. He turns his gaze from jinsik, a small smile forming as he looks out the window, watching you joke around with your friends. Jinsik seemed to notice as he pursed his lips, a small nod before walking back to his seat.

With a final ruffle in his hair, junmin rings the doorbell, tucking his phone into the back of his pocket as he waits for the door to open.

When the door finally opens he is met with a kinda short, fox like boy as he watches the latter open the door wider for him. "Hey hyung." The boy greets. "We are all on the couch right now.. minjae is currently in the kitchen and-"

"Where is-"

"In her room." Hyunwoo finishes his sentence as a small blush appears on junmins cheeks. Was he really that obvious?

"Thanks.." junmin smiles slightly before walking into the house, slipping off his shoes as he makes his way to the couch. The room already looked chaotic with the amount of screams and shouts from the two other boys, not to mention the various dice all over the floor.

"BOW DOWN TO ME!!" one of them, sumin, seem to scream, rolling 2 dices as he begins to move his figure forward on the board. The game seemed pathetic as junmin shakes his head, making his way to the kitchen.

"Oh hey hyung!!" The same cheerful boy from earlier jumps from the kitchen island, junmin letting out a silent groan. "You know, i dont think we talk that much."

Because you stole something of mine.

"Mm." The boy hums, taking a drink out of the fridge, plopping in a seat near the dining room table. "You okay.."

"Mm yeah."

"Are you sure? Because it always seems like your mood shifts when im around.. did i do something wrong or-"

"Dont you have a girlfriend to take care of?" Junmin blurts out, finding his clenching fist under the table as he takes a sip from his drink.

"Girlfrie- THAT girl?? Dude thats my cousin." Jinsik bursts out laughing, junmins eyes going wide as he perks up in his chair. "Cousin?"

"Yeah im new to the area.. thats why im around her so much. Even if i wasnt why would i like that snot nosed, annoying-"

Junmin storms off to from where jinsik was standing to your room, almost tripping over a step because he was just so nervous. Jinsik was your cousin?? This is what minjae was hiding from him??

Almost out a breath, he gives your door a quiet knock, stuttering your name out his lips as he knocks again, this time a bit louder. And when you finally open the door, his heart breaks into tiny little pieces as he watches you rub your slightly red eyes. You frown before closing the door on his face, but his feet slipped into the little crack.

"What do you want?"

"Can we just talk? Please i'm begging you."

You finally open the door, a tear running down your cheek. You were mad — you had every right to be. The only thing you did was welcome the boy into your life, yet he pushes it away like its nothing. Like your feelings for him was nothing.

You gave him the chance to redeem himself yet he stands there, like a cat caught his tongue. You scoff, wiping the tear away. "Look, i dont know what i did.. but im sorry. I hope we could work this out or-"

Junmin couldn't take it anymore. You were crying because of him, he couldnt bear to see you like this. So he cups your cheeks, lifting your head up to give you the biggest kiss you've ever had. There was so much passion that it felt like your breath was swept away, a hand crawling on junmins neck to lightly tug on his hair, leaning the boy closer to you.

In attempt to keep his balance, he steps forward, making you step back. The process ends when you let out a gasp, your back hitting the edge of your desk, junmins lips never leaves yours.

His arms trap you in place as he tilts his head slightly, passionately moving his lips with yours as a hand removes from your cheek and down to your waist, pulling you closer as your body curves into his.

"So pretty.." junmin mumbles into the kiss before breaking it, his forehead resting on yours as he tries to catch his breath, both of his hands that were on your cheek and waist drawing small shapes on your soft skin, making your breath hitch.

"I.. I felt so jealous whenever you were around jinsik that i lost myself in that void. I didnt mean to make you cry, i really didnt. I swear i can treat you better if you give me the chance.. but i understand if you dont i mean i wouldn-"

"Junmin." You giggle as you stop his rambles. "You know, when the boys told me that you liked me as much as i did, i didnt believe them.. but i guess its all true now." You send him the goofiest of grins, causing junmin to look down, his cheeks dusting pink as he nervously smiles.

"And besides, why would i like jinsik?? That weird toe sniffer, wont touch grass toucher-" now it was junmins turn to cut you off, pressing a soft kiss on your nose.

"I dont know.. but im glad you're mine now."

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

i know that only like 2 other people on this webbed site care about womens volleyball but what is everyones thoughts on vnl so far and olympic predictions 👀

i think china, italy, and japan are gonna qualify through vnls for the olympics. i cant make my mind up between canada and netherlands for the fourth spot, on the one hand canada is ranked slightly higher rn and have played the best ive seen them but also the netherlands match against china was really impressive

i think vnl quarterfinals is gonna be:

thailand - hosting so automatic qualification, theyre my fav team and im happy they get to host the final round but i dont think my girlies are gonna make it past quarterfinals, at least not this year (though their win against dominican republic was great AND they took a set from the usa even if their loss to korea was frustrating, something happened between weeks 1 and 2 and they came out stronger because of it also my girl wipawee is proving me right that this is her year)

brasil - currently ranked 1 and their bench and starters have been lethal. gabi is solid as always nyeme has been making so many great saves. also i love the way the crowds erupt when thaisa comes on court i never get tired of it. i think they can make it to finals if not taking gold

usa - i know they havent been dominating but they seem to still be testing out their younger players, like washington/drews/hancock all havent even played yet- drews aint even on the roster and shes usually a go to player for them. their loss to china sure was something and they lost to brasil for the first time in like 5 years but their week 1 team wasn't their strongest and we knew this, it certainly gave newer players/ their bench some good experiance. excited to see how they match up with poland and turkiye later this week.

poland - lavarini has been great for them also they have wo��osz back and stysiak is a monster and i thought genuinely they had a great chance of making it to finals last year if texas ac hadnt sabotoged them

italy - (now that egonu an sylla are back) for sure they can do it also antrapova in their pocket is great and in general despite the stumbling last year their team is doing well this tournament like their win againt turikye was great and that was with their week 1 squad

turkiye - won last year and are in a great position having both karakurt and vargas- (i like their odds better when they use them as subs for eachother more than having karakurt play outside but santarelli obviously knows much much more than me lol) they havent swept as much as i thought they would but they are human. and if they are on their game then theyre unstoppable but 3-1 loss to italy and 3-2 to japan took me by surprise. still would never count them out theyre obviously making it through. excited to see their game against serbia tn

china - silver metalists from last vnl. yall know i love yuan xin yue and want to see her play but also wang yuan yuan has been great this week also zhu ting is back on the roster!!!!!!! as im writing this their ranked 4 so i have a good feeling about them

for the last team idk but it could be:

japan - put some respect on kogas name!! girlie has been fantastic this tournement and winning against turkiye is huge imo and theyre game against brasil was amazing even if they didnt win they fought hard those 5 sets. genuinely i think japan is more primed to win the mental battle of the game i have such high hopes for them

canada - if they can get back to their week 1 play style i wouldnt count them out even tho its unlikely

serbia - usually is an easy prediciton but theyre right now behind korea in the rankings.... but they dont have boscovic back and their squad seems to be pretty young and they fight hard so it can still be them

dominican republic - though they haven't been winning a ton so far they are one of my ult teams i love them dearly and i hope castillo joins them again soon cause she is my favorite libero

i dont really have thoughts on olympics as of now except for my qualification predictions

hoping a single other person wants to talk about this!!

[bamtorrii553]

the girl she never was, and never would be.

SUMMARY: hanni and lia went to the party that anton brought up at the cafe. they walk in and enjoy their time before hanni goes looking for anton. she finds him and him and her have a little....moment. hours later, hanni goes upstairs and sees something she never was meant to see.

GENRE/WARNINGS: nerd!hanni, highschool au, horror, making out

WORD COUNT: 612

CHAPTER 2: wonyoung has this many friends?

soon, a week had passed and hanni and lia were standing outside of wonyoungs house. “were here.” hanni spoke up. “yup.. were here.” hanni looked back at lia. “what if the food sucks?” “then.. we’ll leave and order food.” hanni gasps and her mouth makes an ‘o’ shape. “really? youre being that nice?” “no, come on. you HAVE to go and stay. were already here, plus antons here too.” “oh shush!” hanni exclaims and brings lia inside. 

hanni and lia walked inside together and looked around. the music was loud, the house was crowded, and it was slightly warm from so many people being in there. at least it smelt nice from the air fresheners. hanni held lia’s hand and walked to where the drinks were, getting some water. hanni yelled to lia over the music. “much more crowded than i thought!” “yeah!” lia replied. hanni and lia talked for a bit before going their separate ways, hanni trying to find anton. 

eventually she did, snd she smiled. “hey anton.” anton looked down at her with a smile, clearly a bit tipsy. “hey sweetie.” he gripped her waist to stay close to her as people walked past. hanni’s cheeks went red and she stayed close to his chest. “enjoying the party?” anton said, leaning down so he could hear hanni better. “mhm. a bit too crowded but its fine.” “yeah.. no one expected it to be this crowded.” then a sudden moment of silence. 

anton then spoke up, words slipping out if his mouth that hanni didnt expect. “yknow.. ive always wanted to kiss you ever since we were younger.” anton looked at hanni with a smile. she smiled back, but on the inside her heart was thumping loudly, her mind going into auto pilot mode, and her palms getting sweaty. she felt like she was about to explode. “r-really? i wouldnt mind just one kiss..” anton smirked snd leaned down more, kissing her lips softly, their eyes closed and lips moving and dancing together. 

hanni pulled away for some air but anton pulled her right back, kissing her just as passionately with his hands on her waist. eventually the kiss broke up and it left the duo panting. “that was amazing. youre a really good kisser.” anton said with a smile. “yeah it was.. and thank you, you are too.” hanni pecked his lips softly. “i have to go, ill be back!” hanni quickly ran off to find lia. once she did, she told her everything. “oh my god!! you and anton are datingg!!” lia and hanni jumped, smiling and giggling.

timeskip to a few hours later, hanni went upstairs to use the bathroom when she passed by wonyoungs room. what she saw shocked her. anton and wonyoung kissing on wonyoungs bed.. she froze entirely and just stared. her heart felt heavy. she could feel it breaking into a million pieces. tears threatened to form in her eyes, but she just ran off to the bathroom, crying there. after 15 minutes, she wiped her eyes and fixed her makeup, sighing before leaving the bathroom. after she left the bathroom, her face was expressionless. 

when she got back downstairs, she found lia. “whats wrong hanni?” lia asked worriedly. “a-anton.. and wonyoung..” thats all lia needed to hear before she got her drink and they left the party. lia drove hanni home, giving her a quick hug. once at home, hanni just laid in bed and cried. she started writing in her diary too. while she was writing, her mind started filling up of new ideas she could write about. shes never had these thoughts before, but she’d never actually do them.. right..? 

[bridgyrose]

She kept it well hidden, but Ruby was also a fan of Maria. Ruby shyly asks her to sign her Crescent Rose.

(This was a fun one to write)

Ruby practically dropped onto her chair as food was brought to her from the Atlas mess hall. The missions were almost nonstop ever since she made it to Atlas. If it wasnt grimm running around the streets, it was convoys that needed escort in case of grimm attack, or if she was unlucky, assistance with making sure Atlas communication towers were still up and repaired outside the kingdom walls. There was little rest she could get between these missions, and as much as she’d rather relax alone, she felt more at ease around her teammates and Maria. 

Maria, the Grimm Reaper. A small blush crossed Ruby’s cheeks as she remembered the crush she had on the Grimm Reaper from the stories that Qrow had told her. The way she idolized her, wanting to use a scythe because of her, and to try to match Qrow while training. She had always thought that figure in the stories was always just a legend, a story that Qrow had read back when he was at Beacon, and yet, here she was, in the flesh and not too far away from her. Silver eyes that were lost to a battle in her youth, but still able to hold her own no matter what she did. 

“Everything okay, Ruby?” Yang asked as she tore into her bread before dipping it into her soup. “You’ve been staring at Maria for a while now.” 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Ruby said as she looked away from Maria, her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shook as she slowly ate, tired of holding in how much she wanted to go up to Maria and gush about how much of an idol she was to her. All she wanted to do was let loose and enjoy this one thing… but the burden of fighting Salem, of keeping Remnant safe, kept her still, forcing her to hide away the excitement of being near a childhood hero. “A bit more tired than I thought I’d be. We’ve been going on mission after mission and we’re still no closer to finding a solution to defeat Salem.” 

“Is that really all there is to this? Nothing to do with the way you’ve been staring at Maria since we left the farm?” 

Ruby coughed as she nearly choked on her food. “I-I havent been staring.” 

Yang dipped a piece of crusty bread into her soup and smiled a bit as she pulled it out, shaking it slightly so it would quit dripping. “I know she’s your hero, and you’ve been holding it in ever since we found out.” 

“We havent had a chance to really talk.” Ruby watched Yang eat as she picked at her own food. “Besides, I dont want to add me to everything else she’s been dealing with. Between Qrow spending more time around her, learning about Salem and everything else Ozpin has kept a secret, and now with her helping out Pietro… if I go up to her now, it’ll just be an annoyance.” 

“Or she’ll be thrilled that one of us has been a huge fan. Think about it this way: she’s older and she’s been out of the spotlight long enough that people think she’s a legend. But to see that she’s had an impact on a younger generation, had an impact on you… I think you’ll be fine if you ask her for an autograph.” 

Ruby went quiet as she sat her fork down, staring at her food. She knew Yang was right, it wouldnt be a bother for her to go to Maria and ask for an autograph since they were on good terms currently, and she did see Qrow get one not too long ago as well. 

Ruby was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt Yang push her towards Maria. “Yang!” 

“You can thank me later,” Yang said with a grin as she motioned to Maria. 

Ruby rolled her eyes and sighed as she made her way to Maria, her heart pounding as she finally got to her. Her voice cracked as she spoke, her words feeling like they were forced out of her. “Maria, may… may I ask you something.” 

Maria turned to look at Ruby. “Sure. But if it’s about your eyes, there’s not much we can do here.” 

“No, its not about those.” Ruby quickly pulled her scythe off her back, shakily holding it. “I-I was actually hoping I could get you to sign Crescent Rose.” 

Maria raised a brow as she looked over the folded up scythe. “I thought your uncle was the only fan of mine.” 

“It was actually the stories he told of you that got me into huntressing.” Ruby sat her scythe down on the table, a small smile crossing her lips as she continued to speak. “Sure, I wanted to be like my mom, be a hero like her, but… stories about you helped get me interested in fighting the grimm. How you managed to help others that had no one. You were an inspiration to me.” 

“Were?” Maria asked curiously.

“W-well, you still are, but I-” Ruby felt the words stop in her throat as she watched Maria, already feeling herself getting stared at for rambling. With a slow breath, she finally continued. “But I know I have to find myself first. Even if I do use others for inspiration.” 

“Dont worry, I’ll sign it for you.” 

Ruby smiled a bit as she watched Maria sign her name on the hilt of the scythe, trying to hold back her excitement. “Thank you.” 

“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Unlike your uncle most days. Just dont forget to remember the accomplishments that you’ve done.” 

Ruby smiled a bit as she picked up her scythe once Maria was finished signing, gently running her fingers across the signature. Excitement she hadnt felt since initiation at Beacon ran through her as she tried to keep herself relaxed. “I’ll make sure to remember that.” 

[99izms]

the hour wasnt blue, but it wasnt orange either

soobin x f!reader (fluff, maybe angst if you think hard) 1.2kct

synopsis: meeting under grey skies and hurt hearts opens the doors to a life that will flash before your eyes if you let it, so savor every moment you have with those you love as long as you can.

the sky was slightly overcast the day we met— soobin and i. the color was a steel blue, although another mightve seen it as darker. i couldnt have seen it as darker when he appeared at the end of the street and saturated the entire scene, if even for a moment, or by a slight percentage.

his hair was blond and hardly toned, and i wouldnt have cared if i didnt have an interest in him. you wouldnt care enough to kill someone you didnt love; you wouldnt care enough to make fun of someone you didnt love.

love mightve been pushing it at the time, but i stared at him until he stared at me. i stared at him until he smiled at me. i stared at him until he began to walk towards me. and then smiled at him.

“hi, do you need something?”

his question wasnt aggressive or accusatory like i was used to. he was kind with his words, even if he had no other intentions. i also wasnt used to that.

i couldnt reply, i just looked into his eyes.

his eyebrows furrowed and his hands ghosted by my biceps, not wanting to touch me. his mouth opened slightly and his lips were naturally pouting.

“are you alright?“

i nodded and finally opened my mouth. “youre really cute.”

he chuckled and took a step back.

“you made me worried, i thought you had a stroke or something.”

i looked past him slightly, although the objectively darkening sky made it increasingly difficult. at the bus stop was a little boy with a small, pink balloon. his father was tying it on his wrist with a smile while waiting for their ride back home.

-

the sky was a pale gray when i woke up in his arms. rain tapped on the window, and i pretended to be asleep when he began stirring awake. he whispered to me while rubbing my thigh under our sheets. his hands smoothly moved from my waist to thigh repeatedly, but i continued to fake my sleep.

he pulled my leg over his waist and pulled me closer.

“ill make you breakfast if you wake up.”

my eyes remained closed for a moment.

“you wouldve done that anyway,” i whispered into his chest, “i know you.”

he kissed my head and caressed my entire body, moving from between my shoulder blades to my lower back, between my thighs, innocently of course, and back around to his starting point.

he told me how much he enjoyed every part of me and how i moved naturally. he liked how my body grew naturally, and what it grew naturally. he accepted every choice i made joyfully and smiled when he kissed me in the morning, horrible breath and all.

-

the sky was a dark, tired blue when soobin was hugging me goodbye. our oldest child had her arms crossed, claiming she was tired of waiting to be finally taken to her next stop in life: college.

“i was in college when i met your dad, you know.”

she was annoyed all summer when i was repeating that phrase to her. she could mime my love story with soobin perfectly at this point, but i didnt care.

i kissed his neck softly.

at this age, we joked about how our skin would sag, and our sex drive would be dead. we would have laugh lines and our eyesight would be gone. despite all that, it wasnt true, and his skin felt as soft on my lips as it did when we were twenty and lay in bed all those nights ago.

i moved my body from his to our oldest, hugging her tighter, knowing shes a physical representation of everything soobin and i have made in our lives. of course shes her own person, yet when i look at her i cant help but see the eyes ive loved for decades over, and he tells me her smile fills his heart the same way mine does.

she hugged her younger siblings and waved goodbye to us, sending us kisses while entering the passenger seat.

when soobin returned home to us, he told us she was quiet with tears the whole ride out of the city.

-

the sky was a pitch black in the mid day when the love of my life died.

he wasnt the love of my life, thats far too tame to describe him as.

if he was my body, he wasnt my heart, he was my veins and the blood inside. he wasnt my will to live, he was my life, and will always be. now that hes gone i feel my body is cold and my feet are numb. my brain is foggy and i believe im undead.

he wasnt even my veins and blood inside, he was the soil i lived on and thanked the universe for creating. he birthed every greatness in my life, and gave me the depression i knew i needed to appreciate the greatness in question.

and at some points he wasnt the soil i lived on, he was the god i worshipped and wouldve done anything for. the amount of monsters i wouldve slain for him, my braided hair tucked into my suit of armor and sword pointed to the heavens, is countless.

i wouldve stabbed myself between the eyes if my darling had asked me to, and i almost did beyond his request.

however, he asked me to continue living for him, and it was the hardest mission i would ever think to do for him.

he asked me to love our kids and continue happily, so i did as long as i could.

he asked me to not die of a broken heart, to not die even with a broken heart, and i am trying, but im not sure if i truly could.

alas, i will try for him

-

the sky was in the perfect blue hour the day we met again— soobin and i. although another mightve seen it darker (lord look over our wonderful children), the day was perfect for us.

soobin always hated seeing our children cry, especially our oldest, she always implied she wasnt the crying type. the youngest encouraged crying and believed it was healthy. the oldest hated it, and soobin understood. seeing her cry made his heart hurt— well, whatever is the remains of his technical heart. his soul, maybe.

he held me while we watched, and i asked him if he watched us mourn him too. he confirmed and i felt pity.

“you were alone.”

“but i knew it was just a waiting game. im not alone forever. my parents eventually saw me again. i eventually saw you. and, unfortunately, we’ll see them again.”

i nodded and pushed further into his body, or form, or whatever we are now.

by the ends of our life, our skin was sagging, and we didnt have the energy or physical ability for sex anymore, but we didnt mind it like we assumed we would years ago.

our love was truly infinite and with every moment that time passes, and with every change of physical appearance we underwent, we loved each other even more.

[friendlyhostile]

cant get the thought of aziraphale having a 'younger' or 'more time appropriate' human form out of my head.

just imagine our angel looking and being dressed like an early 2000s teen, or even a 1980s young adult. you cant tell me that, with how much aziraphale reads, he wouldnt want to try and experience as much as what is described in those books as possible.

clubbing? frat parties? college? highschool? going on stupid adventures with other teens? the drama of being a teenager/young adult in school would absolutely draw him in

i dont think he used wouldve used that form a lot, but he used it enough times for it to be slightly broken in and for him to slip into a different mindset when wearing it.

this also brings me to where my brain goes everytime i think of this. and that is:

what if azi, experiencing the joys of young adulthood, trying to learn about it and getting fully into it with other people in hopes of trying new things and influencing them to choose fun for the sake of it bringing joy and goodness, ran into our beloved beatles haircut crowley in the 80s while at a bar?

this has been floating in my head for about a week and a half now. the beloveds being in different, but similar, bodily forms. i can imagine crowley having one as well.

im rotating this in my mind like a rotisserie chicken btw

[eurydices-carnation774]

Stars shine the brightest during a supernova

this is crossposted from ao3

warning there is one misspelling i only corrected on ao3 and not my notes so i dont remember where it is, ignore it

this fic is gonna be 10x better if youre listening to first love/late spring from mitski while reading it

also if you take this in a shipping way i will personally murder you

as much as we dont want to admit it, the most powerful moment for everything in the universe is when they are the most vulnerable. The most common example of this would be a supernova, a stars death. As dust clouds drift away from their original position, the former star gives off bright light, light so bright it would blind you the moment you looked at it.

humans are no exception of this fundamental law. we never see someone truely, until they finally let themselves be vulnerable and break down.

this especially was the case for one person, Yoshi Nanase. Everyone knew him as Nanashi, nevertheless, everyone had separate opinions of him. Some thought he was weird, some people loved him, may it be a little too much. Out of all the people he knew and had grown to care for, only 2 people knew him, or atleast, one of them believed she had known him.

Misane had known Nanashi for awhile, wether it was in the year 2230 or in the year 2222, she believed she had known him. She couldnt have been farther from the truth, until the day she had finally gotten Nanashi to break down and finally let himself be vulnerable around someone.

Almost everyone knew Nanashi wasn't alright mentally. From his comments about him hating himself, to the small comments hes made about how much he had been bullied. What most people didn't know though, is that even with his small comments on his mental health, very few people had seem him when he let himself be vulnerable.

The truth was, even with how much he loved everyone, not everyone had loved him. After he had dropped out of middle school due to bullying, he had learnt to hide his emotions from people, all so he wouldnt get hurt again. If he let himself be too vulnerable, he would just end up back where he started, being bullied to the point he was constantly coming home with bruises and other small injuries.

up until summer, the only person he had ever let himself be someone vulnerable around was his cousin, Mikado. Of course, Mikado already knew Nanashi was hiding his emotions, they were the same after all. Mikado couldnt say anything though, not like its easy to tell your younger self youre from the future.

But, that one summer, had changed everything for Nanashi. Who wouldve guessed finding a girl in your bed one day would change the entire course of fate. Misane was also pretty aware of Nanashis mental problems, but not as well as she believed she did. She had known him in the future, but the version who she was standing next to in the control room at the top of the 307 tower right now, was a completely different person.

"The control room is up a head"

They were in a comfortable silence up until this point, so the sudden words caught the white-haired boys attention. Why say something now?

"hm? Misane-chan?"

The shorter girl lowered her head ever so slightly, before turning to Nanashi "first let me apologize," She had started "I hid many things from you. Even if it caused you to hate me, even if it caused you to lose trust in me... I did it wholly out of the desire to help you, Nanashi."

Obviously considering how much Nanashi had loved misane, albeit platonically, he didn't get the comment. He couldnt hate her even if he wanted to. What he also didnt get, is why Misane had gone out of her way to help him so often.

"... why?"

"What I feared most was... that you would choose to vanish from this world. That... that was scarier than anything."

Nanashi let out a small, sad, laugh before continuing the conversation

"No, I was wondering why you went that far for me?"

"well, thats as I said before." Misane quickly caught on to the fact Nanashi wasnt alright in this moment. "...it was quite embarrassing to say"

"Still, if that troubled you, Misane-chan... If it made you unhappy, I'd hate that"

Nanashis expression quickly changed. He almost immediately went from the usually happy, yet off putting guy, she thought she had known, to finally showing how he truely felt. His voice tone also changed with him, normally it was very bouncy and higher pitched, but, he had lost the spark in his voice.

"I dont want to meddle to much in people being happy or not. But I couldnt stand it if I was responsible for troubling them," The taller boy had glanced away from her before continuing, "It wouldn't matter if and when I vanished. Like everyone says, I'm worthless. I don't think anything of being unhappy, I dont mind"

Nanashi had tried to add a small laugh onto the end to make it seem more lighthearted than it was. Though, it almost made it sadded.

It was obvious to Misane at that point he was lying. She knew he was affected by how people thought of him, no matter how much he lied and said he wasn't bothered.

Nanashi had finally looked back to her, "so why..? Dont be so nice to the likes of me"

"... Is that all you wanted to say?"

"I dont have a name. I dont have a 'me'. I want to fit in like someones lost puzzle piece"

"All pieces have their own shape. Even you.... have one"

Nanashi had began to slowly back up from her, out of instinct.

"I know. The more time people spend with me, the more they begin to feel a certain feeling. one they didnt start with."

Everything Nanashi had started saying hurt Misane, more than his self deprecating comments already did

"And thats fine. In fact, its correct! I dont know why theres something wrong. so it must be myself whos wrong"

He began laughing. Not in a cute or funny way, but in a way that made Misanes stomach clench. She hated how he can go on about stuff like this, then just laugh. For Nanashi however, he was only laughing to keep himself from crying.

"Out of billions, im all alone. It doesnt matter i f I exist or not, does it?"

"Are you done!?"

Misane had stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. Nanashi had stumbled backwards, he wasn't exactly expecting her to pull him into a hug like this.

"...misane-chan?"

She had moved her chin onto his shoulder, it was comfier for them both. Misane had continued to hold him like that in silence for a few moments to give him time to process the sudden embrace from his best friend

"I told you before, I like you. So I want you to know sorrow from happiness! It wouldnt be any burden at all on me!"

Nanashi had finally returned the embrace, even if not fully

" You aren't worthless. Someone said you were just like a program - but he was wrong!

Nanashi, you're just clumsy, a little slow, overeager"

Misane had finally begun to slow down her scentences.

"A little cowardly... and too kind. that's all"

"no... dont do this. I don't know what to do..."

Nanashi didn't know how to react. He was so used to everyone constantly making fun of him or physically hurting him. He wasn't used to actually being cared for.

"I dont know what I'm supposed to do here... what is this..?"

"thats your heart. Its your self" Misane was releaved she had gotten through to him. Even if it pained her in the process

"You arent nameless. Youre Yoshi Nanase! the Yoshi Nanase... who I... love. ... You can show yourself. More and more of yourself!"

Nanashi had wrapped his arms tighter around her, properly returning the hug

"So can I... laugh?"

"yes"

"can I yell?"

"yes"

Nanashi knew what he wanted to say next. even if he was terrified to. He had buried his face into the smaller girls shoulder

"well... can I... cry?"

"yes."

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

ok like basically.

perpep is 30. raveri is 17. if thats not enough, then heres a word wall.

perpep at the beginning of her grumblr arc had never interracted with a person in a non romantic, quadded, concupiscent & simultaneously conciliatory at the same time way. this also goes for Thilea by the way. She is the long term victim of Horrific abuse. At the start of her arc she is outgoing and naïve, she has only ever seen Detheo, she has never worn clothes. She has never met another troll. Even in Bards College au, where Thilea of the current captive citreum blog is from, she has only met *three* trolls. and their relationship structure mirrors detheo and perpeps almost 1:1. When Perpep realized slowly and so quickly, like falling off of hundreds of steep but short cliffs from the peak of everest to the challengers deep where she was raised, that she was the victim of this. lifetime of . horrific abuse. horrific grooming, bent into the perfect human pet as a bonsai is tortured into a stunted form, with a mental composition mirroring someone a third her age and an understanding of the world at large of someone a sixth her age. less, she recoiled into herself.

Perpep is likely never going to be able to do pale or flush quads ever again. not without it being ex fucking stremely slow burn. work up to it type shit. she's gonna be fucking unstable and unpredictable in a red or pale rom quad. needing all the attention in the world one hour and needing to fly into the sun, maybe literally, if she is so much as looked at the next. Now that she knows that like. grooming Can Happen? she wouldnt feel safe so much as being hugged by someone she wasnt dead certain couldnt be groomed by her. the last thing she wants to do is repeat it. because she feels violated by Detheo, learning how deeply, intimately, and entirely he betrayed her trust. violated is the only word. and she does not want that. She does not want to be Detheo. She will be unstable in Any quad, exponentially moreso in redrom quads, exponentially moreso with each factor that makes her feel like the Detheo of the situation.

At the same time she has a very basic level of need. She was molded into this perfect shape for Detheo, and she is still that shape to an extent. If touch is water, she's gone from the amazon rainforest, to death valley in precipitation. On a base level she Needs that touch, that affection, because he Made her need it. it's why she would be so unstable in one of those quads. theyre, roughly, the quads she was molded to fit for Detheo. Every experience runs the dice, every experience runs the risk of rolling a number that makes her feel like Detheo, makes the kiss she recieved feel too much like Detheo, makes the brest shes resting on feel too much like Detheo. Feel too familiar. But. She needs it.

Because he made her need it.

Thirty years of constant attention, skin contact, praise, kisses, everything . thirty fucking years of it. if she's not getting praise, somethings wrong. if she's not being touched, somethings wrong. if she's not being kissed, somethings wrong. She needs that contact, because he made her need it.

That's why she went back to him.

That's why in rp she and he are in the same spot.

like.

fucking.

She Cannot be in a healthy relationship right now. Not for Sweeps. She's a mouse trained to eat solely from mousetraps and to be fine with the pain.

The reason i focused so much on early arc Perpep is because they specified Beforan Raveri, and . well. Bards College au Perpep is the one on the same planet as him right now. She's slightly younger, not by enough for it to matter, just because it takes place in the past compared to prime continuity Beta timeline.

Thilea, BC!Perpep, and B!Raveri are Both extreme long term abuse survivors. Hell they're both going through it still even when they finally get to meet. It's just not as bad.

BC au Perpep is a thought expirament to see whats the best ending Perpep can get that is likely to happen without Sburban interraction.

like.

B!Raveri is the kind of person to be fed glass and not see anything wrong there. Glass is just his least favorite food, it sucks he has to eat it.-

neither Thilea or Braveri really fucking understand the concept of consent. in a bodily autonomy way for Thilea, and . well. also a bodily autonomy way for Braveri. just. Meurso is violent where Detheo is romantic. for lack of a better description. like.

no. absolutely not. way too fucking maladaptive- by the time these two meet Bcesare, Bvitien, cullee protection staff would be there, like. No one would Let it happen. people are Aware both have been abused and isolated in ways that stunt you beyond comprehension. Hell. im pretty sure in the process of meeting people who arent Gallay, Detheo, or Finley, she would kind of get the gist of quads and non quads. even if she doesnt speak. like. UGH.

GOD.

NO IT WOULDNT HAPPEN. FOR SO MANY REASONS.

It Should not happen. it would be So bad for both of them. Perpep would be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, she wouldnt even know it. Her only frame of reference for relationships is full on codependence. like.

And if the age isnt a problem for you, and the health of it isn't a problem for you, well. its out of character. Perpep wouldn't do this. Thilea wouldn't do this. You would have to fundamentally alter her character in some serious ways for this to be viable. You would have to change core aspects of her personality.

[creativebrainrot]

open journal entry

just writing about Brain Garbage i had to deal with today.

descriptions of abuse at the hands of my dickhead father. (not to be confused with My Dad who is a sweetheart that I would fight god for.)

TLDR: I am incapable of assuming that anyone who acts like they care about me or enjoys my company Actually Means It because I had Basic Human Social Ques weaponized against me for my first 16 years alive. I am currently incapable of believing that anyone genuinely cares when they're nice to me: They're ACTUALLY doing it out of pity/civility/jsut because they're a nice person/etc and Not because I am a friend that they care about. I am also incapable of assuming that anyone that enjoys my company considers me special in any regard.

like I still have to fight off dumb ass thoughts that if I disappeared tomorrow, no one would care. There's also the stupid little loopholes my brain will find like "even if they DID care, its because youre their friend and they "Should Care" and not because they, on their own, considered you, individually, special." because minds are, infact, Stupid, and Overrated. :)

im working on it.

i have literally no self perception what so ever. that's only slightly hyperbolic. If someone doesn't tell me what they think of me, my default is to assume that they like me in that moment. The second anyone stops talking to me for awhile, I assume it's because they're bored of me. That it's because they no longer like me. They'll be back in a week or two, or they'll be gone forever.

I know why this is my default of course. i've been isolated, for 21 years, in the middle of no where, with no friends- let alone real friends who care, until last December. my abuser. who would, when I was 13 and younger- actually he never stopped being like this. I stopped playing the game instead. He'd act "normal" (loving, listening to me, joking with me, caring about me, being a father,) for a week. then he'd reset. he'd be right back to acting cold, distant, like I was an annoyance, a nuisance. Unwanted. I would have no indication of this beforehand (thats how this bullshit worked, if id known, it wouldnt have been abuse.) He ambushed me with being fed up of me, wanting to play and talk with my father, like a child WOULD want, all the time. it was always either very insidious words he could pass off as an "accident" or him "misspeaking" or legitimately, straight up, brushing me off. his autistic, loving child, who took that shit VERY personally, every time. I wanted, and i needed, routine. I still need routine to be happy. I know for a fact he used that against me when he lived with us. There was another thing he'd do to me. I'd read all the social ques he set up, and understand all the things he said, but when I later assumed I'd known right, he would flip around and say he never said that. he never meant that. and always imply that I was stupid for thinking I'd understood his Exact Words correctly. obviously, this was more abuse, and he was just lying. because he could. to trip me up. to make me doubt myself. it resulted in me never listening to a fucking word he said. Aswell as the lingering issues of me, still assuming, that I cannot read people. That people who act like they enjoy my company are simply being civil. Or that they do enjoy my company, but it wont last. They'll get bored of me eventually and then I'll never hear from them again. Or i'll hear from them again a week or two later. I know it's all nonsense- That it's all just, residual effects from my abusive childhood. That I'll unlearn it eventually.

But I cannot put into words how frustrating it is to be having an okay or fine time and then be blindsided by how desperate and lonely I was trained to be by a manipulative piece of shit who never loved me. Lied to my fucking face- his goddamn child, every day of my life while he was in it.

To be blindsided by how insecure I was made to be. The self-hatred I feel for things that are not my fault is so goddamn, suffocating. It's not my fault I'm desperate for attention; I was deprived of genuine love and attention for 20 fucking years. Sure I had my dad that whole time but one parent cant, and shouldnt be expected, to make up for an abusive parent. My dad is the reason I'm even alive right now. He's the only reason I never acted on any of my suicidal thoughts. But he couldn't fix the abuse that piece of shit inflicted on us both. It's not my fault I feel worthless and unwanted; I spent the first two decade of my life being told through implications that I WAS a nuisance and unwanted and worthless. It's not my fault I'm so fucking lonely when he chose somewhere in the middle of nowhere with no my age around, with no school nearby I could walk to- somewhere with only military families that would leave in a few months or retired people who dont fucking want to talk to anyone else and sure as hell dont make for good friends for my queer gen z ass. Let alone that we're in the south, and I am nonbinary.

None of it is my fault. I want to unlearn it.

I just want to believe that i am special to someone. You don't know how tired I am of the voices in my mind telling me that I will never be wanted, or loved, or needed, or missed when I'm not around.

How tired I am of being genuinely incapable of believing that I have any value to anyone alive, unable to believe that anyone would care if I was gone tomorrow.

I am exhausted. I am so tired, of believing that I am unwanted, that I am pathetic, that I am worthless, that I will never be remembered when I'm not in the room or around.

I just want to unlearn it all and move on with my life.

Very slowly, I am.

There's brighter days ahead. I've held onto hope for so long it's starting to hurt. I want it to be over and done with already- all of it. The move out of this wretched house that always felt like a prison, unlearning these nasty lies that were implanted in my mind to make me vulnerable to more abuse, the poverty, which is also the result of residual abusive actions. I can't tell you how many times my dad saved that idiot from making us homeless.

I know that these nasty lies are just that; lies. I know that I'll get a chance to truly feel like my friends and loved ones care. I know that I'll be able to put all this behind me someday soon and never look back.

in the meantime I am so sick of the thoughts in my mind rendering me incapable of believing that my friends genuinely like me. So tired of it actually hurting, to even think of letting myself believe that they care. Every single last time I let myself believe that someone cared, I got hurt. But that "someone" was the same person, every time. The people in my life now, are not that man. Infact they've been kinder to me and shown more care for me than he ever genuinely did in the 21 years I had with him in my life. That's not even remotely hyperbolic.

idk man, brain shit is annoying and bullshit and BOY do I want my mind to shut the fuck up again and let me live.