#when i was a kid i used to read these interviews on Lemmys Land by this guy Dark Koopa

[bowserphobia]

incorrect mario quotes

[classicdaisycalico]

Mario Headcanon # 51

Alternatively titled “Everyone is posting their headcanons on how old everyone is in the Mario-verse so I’m gonna do it too”.

This might get a big long; I’m gonna put this under a “Read More” to make your lives easier. If you make it to the end, congratulations!

So here, we go, from oldest to youngest:

Rosalina: Physically about 30, but chronologically at least 700+ years old (the girl’s been in space for CENTURIES. Plus, I headcanon that she was born some time during the Middle Ages, since her dress looks similar to some of the characteristics that some dresses during that time period possessed.)

Professor Elvin Gadd: 80 (we encounter a younger E. Gadd in “Partners in Time” and apparently he’s 20 when we meet him in the past. Younger E. Gadd then moves to Boo Woods after the events of this adventure where he researches ghosts for a good chunk of his life. “And that career spans 60 years, mind you,” he says in “Luigi’s Mansion”. 20+60=80. Yay math!)

Kamek/Kammy: 75-80 (They’ve been old enough to take care of Bowser since he was a baby, so they’ve definitely seen some shit. Shit enough to make them bitch constantly about what they’ve had to go through...and in Kamek’s case, what he continues to go through.)

Toadsworth: 65-70 (I know he’s old and walks with a cane, and his status as the Wise Old Sage definitely implies that he’s seen some shit, but since he can still play some mean baseball, he can’t be THAT old, right?)

Bowser: I’d say the equivalent of 26-28 in human years? (Well, since he was born considerably earlier than the rest of the original Star Children, and he’s speaking full sentences as a toddler, I feel like the notion shouldn’t be unusual. I also say “human years” because of how Koopas are based off of turtles and tortoises, both of which happen to live for a ridiculously long time.)

Pauline: 25-27 (I mean, when you consider the release of “Donkey Kong” compared to the release of “Super Mario Bros”, she’s been around for longer than Peach, right? It’s only fair.)

Wario: 25-27 (Wario and Waluigi aren’t brothers, so that rules out the possibility of twins. But one can still be older than the other, right? So Wario’s older. He debuted in the series first, so it makes sense. He’s also younger than Pauline by just a few months.)

Waluigi: 24-26 (Since one of his descriptions in Smash says he’s the same age as Luigi, then I’m gonna go with 24. But he’s older than Luigi by a few months.)

Mario/Luigi: 24-26 (Since that recently unearthed interview with Miyamoto had the guy say that Mario was about 24 years old, I’m going with that. Since Mario and Luigi are twins, I’m saying Luigi is 24, as well. Also, Mario is the older twin, obviously, but I’m gonna say he’s older by 7 minutes.)

Peach: 23-25 (The Mario Wiki says she’s younger than Luigi. It also says she’s much younger, but I don’t think she’s younger by SEVERAL years. “Yoshi’s Island DS” also puts her around the same age as Mario, Luigi, and Wario when they were babies, as well. Plus, she debuted in the series later than Mario, so...there you go.)

Toad: Physically looks like a little kid, but is probably 23-25, chronologically. Maybe a few months or so older than Peach. (I mean, he’s definitely got childlike features/mannerisms sometimes, but he’s still got a job working full-time as one of Peach’s most trusted servants...just one of the younger ones, because compared to someone like Toadsworth, he’s still got quite a bit of life left in him. And he works pretty damn hard at it! But he’s still quite a bit younger than his human friends.)

Toadette: Same stuff as Toad, but a year younger, so 22-24. But chronologically she’s older than Daisy. (I’m pretty sure they’re siblings? I think? I know some Prima guides said so but apparently Prima makes a lot of mistakes...but either way, I’m not taking any chances with shipping, here. Anyway, I think she’d be an adorable little sister figure to Toad.)

Daisy: 22-24 (According to the Mario Wiki, Daisy is described as being “very young”. Apparently it also says that Peach is older than Daisy, which I can believe. I always thought Daisy was the youngest out of her circle of human friends, anyway, since she’s so full of youthful energy. Then there’s the release of “Super Mario Land”, which came out way later than the debut of Mario, Luigi, and Peach. Even the first instance of Baby Daisy in “Mario Kart Wii” was way later than that of her friends as babies!)

Ludwig: 17 (I’m just gonna assume that the order of the Koopalings we first fight in “Super Mario Bros 3″ is the order of their ages. Now about Ludwig: he’s usually said to be the oldest Koopaling, right? But still younger than Mario. Additionally, he and his rowdy crew of siblings are all still kids, I’m sure. And finally, he’s supposed to be the smartest of the bunch, enough to be Bowser’s right-hand Koopa. I’m gonna go with that.)

Lemmy: 16 (DON’T KILL ME FOR THIS; I HAVE MY REASONS. I know Lemmy is hella tiny and definitely a huge prankster but he does know how to get serious when the situation calls for it. He still likes to clown around, though, so he reminds me kind of like that immature, boyish, smart-alecky teenager who likes to pull pranks all the time.)

Roy: 15. (I see Roy and immediately think about those teenage guys who try to act all manly and cool all the time. The ones who try to act all buff and stuff, ya know? And the fact that his pink shell and matching dank shades are based off of the expression “Real Men Wear Pink” only fuels that even more.)

Iggy: 14. (But like...the 14 year old who is still in middle school because of how much of an immature prankster he still is. He strikes me as the annoying nerd archetype, only with 100% more crazy. Like a lot of other 14 year olds, he needs to fucking chill. According to the Mario Wiki, he also likes to tinker with things sometimes? 14 year olds in middle school like to tinker with things a bunch, more often at times when they shouldn’t be.)

Wendy: 13. (She’s definitely reminiscent of the bratty 13 year olds we often hear about. Wendy is bitchy and catty; she wants to rat on other girls to make herself look good, namely Peach and Daisy when she calls them “posers” and “lame” in the “Rio 2016 Olympic Games”. She isn’t afraid to fight dirty and absolutely hates losing. She’s embarrassed about all 6 of her siblings sometimes. Wouldn’t any 13 year old girl feel the same about her embarrassing siblings, too?)

Morton: 12. (Morton is like the angry, moody, angsty, easily irritable tween who is trying to act like a Manly Man even though he’s still intellectually a child. Will definitely try to act all brawny for the sake of proving himself to be Manly. Sit down, Morton.)

Larry: 11. (There have been several instances where Larry has been called the youngest of the Koopalings. I guess it could justify his unchecked aggressive behavior sometimes. Plus, there’s a description of him in one of the Smash games that says he has a “serious case of little-brother syndrome”. Ouch. Then there’s that whole bit where he really admires Ludwig and he’s trying to get on his good side. I think Larry could really use a hug...)

Bowser Jr: 7-9. (He’s definitely still a kid, but definitely not as young as when we first encounter Baby Bowser, who was probably still in the early toddler phase at the time.)