#when i studied it at school it didn't actually have this emotional impact

[mondaymelon]

when they first fell in love with you. ♡

(sumeru genshin impact males x gn!reader)

written headcanon style! enjoy ✩

(a/n) might be writing a part two of this with tighnari and some other male genshin characters so please comment which characters you would like to see! thank you for reading ♡

˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚

cyno ♡

he was never the emotional man, at least not around other people. but to you, he was just the hobby-chasing mahamatra who liked to play card games religiously.

the two of you met a long time ago, years before, during his time at the academia. The two of you had the same biology class. over the course of half a semester and more than a few group projects, you could say the two of you had grown relatively close.

close enough that cyno, being cyno, was comfortable enough to tell always tell you his most terrible jokes.

"hey. why did the biologist break up with the physicist?"

you had stared at him quizzically, not sure if this was a test or an actual question about the work, but replied anyway. "what?"

"they... had no chemistry."

"..."

"do you get it - because like chemistry is a subject of science and biologists study the science of life and we're in science class and-"

he'll never forget the way you laughed that day. the way your serious expression faded into one trying to hold back laughter, and the way your lips curved upwards instantly... he felt his heart skip a beat as you let out a quiet giggle under your breath. he didn't know why or what, but a wave of affection swept over him, almost engulfing him completely before he reeled it back, face tinted red.

"hehe, you're funny, cyno." you had told him, smiling sweetly, still struggling to mute your laughs.

"am i?" cynos crimson eyes were wide as he looked at you with a look of surprise.

"mhm!" you nodded at him, beaming. "oh, are you free after school today? we should meet up to do the homework."

cyno hid his face from you then, face burning and flushed red as he mumbled out a response. "i'm free."

"great!" you slid him a slip of paper, torn off of your biology worksheet. "i figured you should have my number. don't forget to text me, okay?"

"i won't."

and he kept his word.

al haitham ♡

it all happened after the school announced an academia-wide field trip to the desert, quite the far trek in hindsight. you were surprised the school even agreed to it. that aside, the entire school was excited about it, especially to people who had moved from the sandy dunes to the lively rainforest in order to study at the academia.

however, al haitham, your literature class partner, had stayed silent. you glanced at him several times throughout the entire day, but his expression didn't change one bit, nor did he even look from his book.

"al haitham." you called out his name, eyes sparkling curiously. "what are you reading?"

"a comprehensive look at sumeru's last 300 years." his answer was short and quick. you whistled, impressed that he was willingly reading such a text.

"are you going on the field trip?" you questioned, wanting to ask but not wanting to annoy him.

"i see no reason not to." yet another blatant answer. he turned the page absent-mindingly, eyes trailing from sentence to sentence. you decided to let him read, not wanting to bother him more than you already had.

just then, a group of students walked into the room, bustling about loudly and chatting amongst themselves not too quietly at all. if they noticed the two of you, they certainly didn't care. they laughed and shouted some more before taking the tables next to where the two of you sat and continued to squawk about.

you caught al haitham wincing at the noise, mutely noting the fact that he had taken off his headphones. you never realized the ashen-haired man had sensitive hearing, but now a lot more things made sense- especially the fact that haitham never ate lunch, like the other students, in the cafeteria.

hesitantly, you reached up and cupped your hands over al haitham's exposed ears. "is it too loud?" you whispered as quietly as you could, hoping that al haitham wouldn't be bothered by your question.

as you glanced down at his expression, his look of astoundment startled you. his emerald eyes sparkled with a look of tenderness that you would've expected as he gazed up at you, his diamond shaped pupils staring up at you and you only.

then, so subtle you almost missed it, he whispered, face flushed:

"thank you."

kaveh ♡

kaveh was always a friendly person, and that was certainly not an exception when it came to you. after a class, he would always burst into the room and come to walk you to your next one.

it come to a point where you would wait for him to show up after the lecture ended, purposely packing up your things slower as you scanned the door for any signs of the blonde man. and he always showed up.

always.

except, then he didn't. you waited until the students of the next hour began to come in, and then waited more until you were sure you were already late. yet, he still didn't show up. worry began gnawing at your stomach as you fidgeted through all of your classes that day, mind cloudy.

and he wasn't there the day after that, either. you missed his presence, his sunny demeanor, and his blushing reaction whenever you decided to tease him.

after about a week of the constant torture, he showed up again, grinning and raising his hand as if he was expecting a wave after your design class.

and you didn't just give him a wave. you dropped all your things instantly, eyes wide and teary, and leaped onto the man, sending both of you tumbling to the ground as you gave him the tightest hug you could manage.

underneath you, kaveh let out a shout of surprise, trying to get you off of him so he could get up, but he wouldn't budge. and he glanced down at you, confused at what had gotten you so worked up, he spotted glistening tears spilling down your face.

"wh-what's happened?" he questioned with a worried expression as he helped you up, tears still running down from your eyes. "did someone hurt you? who was it??"

"idiot..." you leaned against his figure, burying your face into his chest, not caring if you were to be late or not. "you left without a word...!"

"i-i'm sorry-!" kaveh glanced down at your figure clinging onto him, face flushed as his heart pounded so loud that he was sure you would be able to hear it. "i caught a cold..."

"don't leave me again like that, okay??"

"o-okay."

wanderer ♡

you had known him for a long time now, you would've admitted if you had no other choice but to be truthful. but it was a hopeless thing, since never once did he ever seem to notice you - much less care about you or your wellbeing.

at least he had never outright told you that he disliked your presence. it was a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.

so it was a surprise when he showed up at your doorstep, clothes and hair drenched from the relentless rain outside. he stared at the ground sheepishly, expression embarrassed as he spoke. "i... i didn't have anywhere else to go."

"oh." you had stood there for quite a bit, mouth rounded and eyes wide before returning to your senses. "you can come inside. i'll get you a towel."

the dark-haired man nodded silently, stepping outside as drops of water fell from the sides of his hat. you halted, whipping around. "leave that on the porch."

"but-"

"it's wet. it's going to be no help when we try to get you dry." seeing scaramouche's face fall, you cleared your throat. "but if you must, you can leave it in the mudroom."

"...alright."

you weren't even sure why he was sitting in your living room, a towel around him and sitting on your couch by the fireside, slowly sipping a hot mug of tea. he didn't seem to be thinking of speaking anytime soon, so you did it in his place.

"did you need something?" you questioned him after taking a long sip from your own mug.

"no, i just..." he shook his head. "can i stay here? just for a little while longer?"

the softness in his voice startled you, but you managed to give him an answer without stuttering either way. "you can stay for however long you want." at your response, you saw the male's eyes light up, along with his face flushing a bit too, an action that was not gone unnoticed.

"...i appreciate it. i want you to know that i really do. thank you."

masterlist ✩ next

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

tbh it's not just insinuation of you doing some class discrimination that is gross, other things listed by them as accusations towards you are at least equaly as disgusting, if not more. "ableism, classism, racism" i'm sorry, i didn't know swift is disabled, poor or non-white, oh wait, she is neither of these. yes, grammar policing can be used to discriminate, but when it's used to punch down people, who actually belong to these categories.

also there are literal college courses focused solely on swift's writing, but you as someone with english lit degree can't do some grammar analysis on your private blog? is other anon as offended about these courses and sending them emails about how discriminatory it is to pick apart someone's writing? of course not, because the only people, who would spend money an that type of a course are rich ts fandom cultists, who wouldn't say anything, that might be actually critical about swift. also anon doesn't actually care about picking apart someone's writing, they only care about swift's writing being put under some criticism, because otherwise they would be sending offended emails to every school or critic for the crime of literary analysis.

it's almost as if swift trained these people with her never ending victimhood and copying, to look in her name for any struggle to steal whenever she is being criticized. not an ounce of critical thinking or just common sense to look at it for a second and realize that these don't apply to swift. "so yeah not a good look" yeah, but not on crumblinggothicarchitecture

Sorry, this took a minute for me to get to <3. I appreciate this perspective. I didn't even mention that in the ask, but it's so weird to accuse someone of being racist, ableist, classicist just because I analyzed Taylor Swift’s poor grammar. Swift is the one who calls herself a writer and claims she one of the best writers on the planet right now. So, it stands to reason that I would use my English Degree to analyze her grammar if, for any reason, I felt she actually wasn't a good writer.

If I say that someone isn't a good writer. I'm not going to just state that and leave it there. Obviously, it's on me to effectively argue my point. I do, however, have ways to argue my point. So, naturally, I will get into some linguistic or literary criticism of Swift.

I'm not sure that Grammar-Anon really understands what I am trying to do here. Besides, I think you're right about them not knowing that linguistics is an actual academic discipline. Are the people who dedicate their whole lives to studying and teaching grammar also being racist, ableist, and classicist? LOL.

The English language is such a beautiful medium for expression. It's one of my favorite languages, among many, to read poetry in because it has such an amazing breadth of vocabulary words with which to express emotion. In most linguistic study, it is the mechanism of language itself that scholars pull into study. Fascinating stuff- and people study it all. There are scholars whose life's work revolves around understanding AAVE dialects, or understanding Louisiana Cajun dialects, or understanding mid-Atlantic dialects, or Jewish-New York regionalisms. This is just a short list of regionalist dialects I've personally read about in the last few months- however, the list is expansive and covers much more than just the American continent. For instance, there is a whole subset of academic study centered on the post-colonialist use of English Language in India. Scholarship in this field often takes into account feminist theory, Marxist theory, or Post Colonialist theory. (Again, I just listed my favorites, but there are many more theoretical lenses through which people study the impact of grammatical praxis).

This is something people make into their whole life's work- it's not somehow offensive to participate in low-stakes grammatical analysis of Taylor Swift.

You're right, some people just can't handle the idea of putting her work under the microscope because it would impact their narrow-world view if someone said actually Swift is a bad, unoriginal writer. Imagine the meltdown if twitter Swifties found me :O

I've been giving Swift a pass for years, mostly because I would dismiss her music as simple pop-music. It's meant to be fun. I would listen to it, because it was an easy break from the dense, challenging stuff I would read for classes. However, now I'm going to tear apart Swifts work. It's the principle of the matter now because she seems to think she's the greatest American poet to ever live. I am both bored, as summer approaches and I have nothing else to work on, and frustrated that she's pretending to be a poet.

She's not a tortured genius. She's a trust fund baby who got as far as she did on mediocrity because of her parents' money. We "wouldn't last an hour in the asylum" where they raised her- Ha. She wouldn't last a second working a part-time job after school to pay rent. I get upset when people accuse me of some type of classist's attitude purely because I use my education when they know nothing about my story. I got a lucky break.

Education is my road out of abject poverty. Nothing else was going to save me. I did it all on my own, with the help of a bunch of scholarships, lucky breaks, and really wonderful teachers. Now, in my real life, I am the teacher now. I want to root for people. I critique for the sake of wanting people to improve their skills.

Taylor Swift's arrogant attitude and unwillingness to face criticism just gets under my skin. So, what do I do? I'm not fond of ad hominem attacks. Instead, I will make some good arguments about her bad writing and have some fun in the process. :)

So yeah- I guess it's not a good look.

[unusuallysweetaki]

Real Quick Yap Session About Everett and His Relationships

So starting off I want to give all the credit to my friend Ayumu on Discord for most if not all of this post. She studies how people's brains work and made me think super deeply about the XOD boy's actions and such. In short this post and my realization wouldn't be happening without her.

Also want to mention that some of this is head canon and not confirmed by GB Patch, but A LOT of it is SPOILERS, so beware!

Now let's get into it!

Everett's Dad:

Everett's relationship with his dad isn't super apparent if you don't date him, in fact I don't even think he mentions his father without you dating him. I do remember a group meeting where the Jerks talked about their relationships with their families, but I can't remember Everett making any comment about his dad (only the mama boy stuff pls feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). Ofc if you end up doing his route, he mentions it. Though not much and not in detail.

I believe it's the Love Tunnel date where we get a little more of Everett's perspective of his father. All he really says though is that his father is an asshole. So at the very least we know he doesn't like him.

Luckily tumblr exists and Gb Patch was not shy about sharing answers to the many questions we have about the boys and how Everett's dad was at parenting was answered!

So Everett's dad is not emotionally present. Explaining why Everett gives all the genuine affection to his mom or Nate. His mom is very clearly the more affectionate of the pair and reciprocates Everett's love, as a mom should. And Nate has been Everett's friend since forever.

Even though Eve doesn't mention his father often, him being distant still impacted him to a pretty great extent in my opinion. Based on the people Everett chooses to show genuine interest in. Consciously or Unconsciously, forming a bit of an unhealthy attachment style.

Nate Lawson:

How Nate and Eve's relationship actually started is basically only told through dating Nate and going through his Fuchsia dates. Luckily, I'm on a speed run of all the guys routes and just finished Nate's so the conversations are still fresh in my mind.

In short Everett and Nate weren't really friends until Everett wore Nate down enough to where Nate basically had no choice but to accept Everett's presence.

Nate is very emotionally driven, unlike Mr. Gray. Despite being basically the only jerk you can date that shows actual, genuine emotions, he's terrified of intimacy. Even though he is considered popular by the school, he doesn't seem to have many friends (hence why he's in the Jerk Squad in the first place) because he rarely let's anybody into his life. I'd argue even his parents aren't included.

So how does all this relate to Mr. Gray and Everett's attachment style? Well here's where the trend starts. Everett deliberately hung around a guy that didn't seem to actually want him around. He did it long enough and relentlessly enough for Nate Lawson to give up.

I'm sure not even Everett realized this, hell this might not even be on purpose, considering how the game doesn't really touch the topic outside of some dates, but if you think on it a little more, how do you think kids would act when they want their emotionally distant parents attention? Making a scene is one and following them around constantly is another.

Now this is where we jump into a bit of head canon. We don't know how Everett acted with his father when he was smaller. For all we know he could've completely ignored his dad and only focused on his mom for the majority of his childhood, since she was the only one actually showing him affection.

Taking the ask into account though, it sounds like Lauren and Eve had tried at some point to spend time with their father, but he just never saw the point in it, so they gave up.

Pran Taylor:

Pran is different from Nate and Mr. Gray ofc because Eve had a more romantic interest in him. But still Everett's way of trying to get close to someone again is essentially following them around constantly until they accept his presence.

Considering Pran didn't seem too miffed about it, things probably would've worked out if not for Jeremy. If Nate gave in there's no doubt Eve would've been able to ware Pran down too lol.

The end!

TL;DR

Everett's way of getting into people's lives is by following them around until they accept his friendship, and I find that a little sad considering what that could imply little kid Everett thought he had to do to get his fathers attention. I think this being something he unconsciously does because of childhood is just such an interesting idea to me.

The talk me and my friend had really made me think about how much attention Everett needs just to function. Calling his mom constantly, staying popular, dating around. It just adds this extra angst to him that I can relate to.

If you made it to this point, thank you! Feel free to tell me what you think, I love having deep discussions like these! And I love talking about the Issue's Jerk Squad!

[zangetsubornhollow]

Mixed Feelings

I'm not totally sure how I feel about this book. I was actually completely enamored by the book when I first picked it up. But, nearing the middle towards the end, it completely fell off for me.

Spoilers for The Magicians by Lev Grossman below

I don't know if I felt bitter that my ship didn't become canon ( Eliot x Quentin) or if I just didn't like the Alice x Quentin pairing, but the romance aspect of the book just didn't sit with me.

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Alice

I think it was dragged on and on. I really liked Alice's strong abilities and her being sure of them. But her character fell flat after they got together. She didn't bring anything except romantic drama afterwards. (I know she was the main hero in defeating Martin Chatwin, but still she was usually just a quiet bystander only appearing in scenes so Quentin could express some kind of emotion about her). I hated the whole Quentin cheating debacle and then he held very little accountability "Janet intentionally ruined a perfectly healthy relationship just to get at Alice [or whatever]"

I think I would have been happier if they had to get in a relationship that it ended after they graduated or no relationship at all. I would have been satisfied with a found family dynamic in the end.

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Eliot

... I can't be the only one who felt dragged along hoping for a glimpse of him. I was so sure he'd have a stronger impact on the story and on Quentin.

I found spoilers for the next books of him getting more scenes, but i wanted more of him in this book.

I felt like I was being teased by the prospect of a stronger bond between him and Quentin. Even if they did go out and party after graduation together and they felt they both need Fillory to find a purpose to their post-Brakebill's lives, their dynamic just wasn't fleshed out. I feel like we were told of their bond, but not showed.

Eliot had such an entrance and I'm not mad that when school started he wasn't a big presence in Quentin's story as he's focusing on school. But I'm surprised Quentin went home every break. I thought he would stay behind, knowing that Eliot stayed and did more bonding. Other characters would mention how it was strange that Quentin is on good terms with the Eliot and the he must be one of Eliot's. But even after getting in the Physical kids' cottage, they didn't really interact. Yes, you got a closer glimpse of Eliot's personality, but they never got closer.

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Quentin

I thought he started as a compelling character as a High School Senior who is secretly wishing that world was a bit more colorful and magical than the the black and white mundane life that he was living.

As a High Schooler

As a graduated college student. He got so whiny. Alice calls him out multiple times that he is miserable because he doesn't want to try to be happy because he chooses to be miserable. He kind of did a gifted kid spiral and never got back on his feet. It was so taxing to read about how miserable his home life was. How drained he was at the school. How he wasn't as driven as the other students. How he didn't excel at magic ( like he was at the top of his class and then went a year ahead. wtf is this guy on) I feel like we didn't really touch on magic either. Then after all the training went on we jumped into romantic woes, then the magic learning part completely disappeared.

(Also: I wished they got a clean breakup so bad

Which I don't even know if they liked each other because of their proximity and lack of other prospects or if they found something in one another that they were drawn to. In they end, they would have been happier pursuing their separate lives. )

The Magicians is seen through Quentin's eyes, so we have to deal with so much horniness. His eyes wandered everywhere and I didn't care that sometimes he was losing his focus on studying and wanted to just stare at his professor's breast. I really did not need to read that.

Also this made me so confused on who he wanted to get close to: Julia because he wanted her so bad, and she should have learned magic after all ???

The paramedic because she was pretty and mysteriously gave him the book and entrance to Brakebill?

Eliot because he was cool and liked boys, but never tried to get with him?

Alice because she was talented and pretty, but didn't want to get close to anyone?

Anaïs because she was hot and everyone else though so too??

Janet because she was hot and exciting?

As someone who did not finish the book, I don't know if he ever found closure and started to look within himself for happiness. But from outside sources (i.e. good reads, tumblr, and the magicians wiki) I am guessing definitely not!

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**Extra notes because I am a certified hater

Do I lack comprehension skills or did Quentin looking for Josh have no impact? Like Quentin was super worried about him in the moment, but never really showed his care for others like he did in that scene. Like ever again.

The whole 3some debacle ....wtf.....

i don't know why, but I wanted more from the original bar cast. Especially the bear.

Why was the fact that Eliot was a token gay brought up almost every time people talked about him?

I was so sad there wasn't more magical networking and communities. If they were briefly mentioned, they didn't really seem all that relevant.

What was the Plover story that he wasn't ready for?

Why did Alice not get an invite, but was accepted in?

Julia??? (I know she appears in later books, but still)

I wanted more interactions with other students.

[ouroboros-hideout]

🍍 For the fancy boy Vlad. Wanna really know if he does even this crime against humanity.

🧅🍋🍏🥑🍆 For Aon. Also for Vlad too if you want to dig into it!

I remembered there was something. Just didn't know what it was. Ahh right - ask game KEK sorry for the short delay. Better late than never. And ofc you and Rev have so many options but chose to take a lot of same things. Like both of you going to the store and grabbing the same avocado and starting a fight over it and making a scene

VLAD

🍍 [PINEAPPLE] Pineapple on pizza or not?

Tbh I think he never touched a single slice of pizza in his entire life and never will. Not a fancy corpo dish. So that’s not a crime you can bring him to court for since he couldn’t care less what toppings are on it anyway. 

AON

🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information?

If you take away her cigarettes lmao. No, it's difficult to answer because it depends on the situation and she usually just swallows or covers up a lot of her emotions. So it can happen on different occasions. It just has to be a really strong emotional impact for the dam to break. It can be something negative or something positive so that it's tears of joy and not just because she's sad or upset. However, I only have one event in mind where she actually cries. The desperate/hopeless/“I'm done” kind of crying. Everything else tends to be brief moments where you wipe away a few tears shortly after and move on. So not really something in particular like "I remember that one moment in my life and have to cry because of it" - thing. Tho never say never: maybe I will come up with something in the future. She will be a work in progress for ever anyway.

🍋 [LEMON] What is their kryptonite/ultimate weakness?

People she loves and cares about. She’s really protective for her found-family, especially for those she knows are no fighters or would struggle to defend themselves in a dangerous situation. She’s not overly protective of the ones she knows can handle themselves, like Kurt for example, but that doesn't mean you couldn’t do a lot of damage to her if something happens to him or any other person that’s close to her. 

🍏 [GREEN APPLE] How do they differ from the norm and how are they punished for it? 

It depends on who the norm is. When she was still locked up in her golden cage in Moscow, she was the black sheep of the family and wasn't really popular at school either because of her nature and her reluctance to be enslaved by a corporation. Her stepfather always made her feel it. Verbally or through other “educational measures”. Later on, there is actually no norm that she should conform to. Sure, she's a criminal on some level and in someone's eyes she belongs in prison as the just punishment for it, but it's all such a legally gray area that she doesn't really feel like she has to conform to anything.

🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

I think the thing you can blame her most for is her work. It's not exactly a respectable job, manufacturing war machines and weapons, but it fills her with pride when she completes a big project. Building machines is and was always her passion. That particular type of machine maybe wouldn't have been her first choice, but having already learned a lot about it while studying at SovOil, she stuck with it during her time with the Nomads and refined her skills. After all, it's lucrative because the world is just a rotten place and she has to look after her people. Is it reprehensible that people are being killed with the weapons she makes? Sure. Is she therefore a bad person in the eyes of a "normal" citizen? To 100%. Maybe she’s too pessimistic to think that anything in this society would change anymore. In a sense of: I could make this world a better place if I instead would do xy.” 

🍆 [EGGPLANT] How are they used by others? How easily are they tricked into this?

You could say her stepfather already took advantage of her interests and ambitions to form her into something to his liking. After that she was more or less exploited by the leader of her clan for her technical skills and the knowledge she brought with her from her life as a Corpo and this reveal has made her extremely suspicious of everyone she meets later in her life and therefore it is not easy to take advantage of her or to gain her trust in general. She is very selective about who she works with or who she grants access to her life and on what scale. For example even after finding a lot of trust and more in Kurt, it still took her quite a long time to play with the thought to give up her independence since she was too damaged from the things that happened in her past. 

[an-album-a-day]

Viva Las Vengance by Panic! at the Disco

Genres: Pop Rock, Glam Rock, Power Pop, Rock and Roll.

This is the seventh album by Panic!, and it is now officially their last.

This is a post I didn't want to write. I heard snippets of this album on social media and listened to Viva Las Vengence the song when it came out. I hated everything I heard and didn't want to stain the memory of what was once my favourite band. Now that "the band disbanded" (Brandon decided he won't write any shit anymore), I felt a little weird not listening to the final part of their discography, given how impactful that band was to me in middle and high school. So I decided to listen to it.

The only songs I liked were ones where I could hear bits and pieces of the band they used to be: Viva Las Vengenace, Don't let the light go out, Local God (if it weren't about Ryan Ross), and Something about Maggie.

I actually had to listen to the album twice to get an actual opinion on it. The first time I listened to it, I thought "Hey, this isn't that bad". But that's what the album is trying to do. It's music for people who don't think twice about what they're listening to. This album is a confused collections of songs which are trying to be Theatrical, clever and interesting. Brandon completely and utterly failed at doing so. The actual result lies between weird, awful and sometimes painful to listen to.

But I think this is enough about this awful album. I'd like to title the rest of this post "A love letter to Panic! at the Disco".

before listening to VLV, I decided to take a tour of their discography, listening to each album once chronologically before I listened to their final one. I felt two conflicting and opposite emotions doing so- I felt like I was both touring a graveyard and reliving my middle school years at the same time. From the grooviness and fun of Time To Dance, Lying is the most fun, Nine in the afternoon, Hurricane and so on, straight to the almost flashbacks of ninth grade I've had while listening to The End Of All Things, Always, and such. I was reminded of how much this band shaped me. Of how much of my teen years were inspired by Panic!. Panic! were my favourite band for I think around 5 yeras. from 7th grade up until right before I started this account and expanding my musical taste. They were the soundtrack to the hard times I had with studying in High School. When I hung out and laughed with friends in middle scool, Panic! played. When I cried, I comforted myself with Panic. When I was bored with something, I played Panic to entertain myself.

The last time I've listened to their albums was when covering them here. It was closer to relistening than rediscovering them like it felt now. I was still in High School, and I covered them because I ran behind by a few days.

I don't think I've listened to a single Panic song since then. Not because I didn't like them, I just fell in love with other music.

And I fell in love with them again The band I loved so much was as good as I remembered. Having gained some distance from high school, and having enlisted in the army, feeling the way I felt when listening to some pop punk and alternative rock is a weird feeling. It feels like coming home on a wednesday with a shit ton of math homework, and ignoring it to instead play minecraft with friends. It feels like going to school on a monday, bored out of your mind, wishing you could read your book instead. It feels like going to the library on a friday and coming back with 10 books, and giving half of them back by Sunday. It feels like going to the mall with friends and talking about who likes who and how mean is your English teacher.

It feels like Home.

And I want to thank them. Thank you Panic for your years with me.

Thank you for being the band which shaped me the most.

Thank you Ryan Ross for forming this band I love so much Thank you Dallon Weeks for going the way you went with TWTLTRTD, possibly my favourite album by them. could've done without the last two albums Brandon, But thank you all. Thank you for being my adolescence.

[faithisthekey-23]

Hi brothers and sisters

Today, I will also write my testimony on how my life looked like when I was listening to KPOP, how Lord of Lords delivered me from listening to worldly music, watching a lot of content from some groups and solists, and how my spiritual life looks like now.

My journey with kpop

I discovered kpop in 2018. However, I only listened to a few music groups: Blackpink; Twice; Red Velvet and one song from Sunmi. I won't say too much about it for it isn't that important. I just liked listening to this music but wasn't that invested in it.

However in March 2021, I started listening to BTS, Enhypen and TXT. I quickly wanted to just know their names so that I could recognize them, but I began to really like their songs. I loved the fact that everytime I was sad, I could listen to their songs and feel happiness. I felt a lot of energy after listening to their songs and began to watch different types of content from these groups and videos their fans published. I was very anxious and thought that they are the reason why my anxiety calms down. Whenever I felt hopeless, I came to their music, I also posted posts about them on a few apps. I didn't see any red flags and even when I began to see that I depend on them when it comes to happiness and my well-being in general and felt miserable, very sad when I thought of going back to school after breaks on which I listened to Kpop and watched Kpop content for a few hours everyday. Even though I could see how I depend on kpop groups too much, I didn't even think of taking a break from it. There were times when I wasn't listening to this music for a few days, but I still watched content related to it. I didn't see that it is satanic, full of blasphemy against my Creator God, personal Savior Jesus Christ and maybe blasphemy against my Precious Friend Holy Spirit too. I was so blinded by all of those innocent looking people that I didn't see that there is so many wrong things about this industry. I saw how people working in it are treated, the negative impact their songs have on my emotions and heart (my heart hardened really quickly after listening to some songs), I heard songs about the devil and revenge, and even though I tried to be closer to God, I actually didn't seek Him in the right way, as I was too invested in this music industry and didn't stop listening to these songs for the sake of my identity as a child of God. I even loved singing them. I even started thinking that I should be like those singers and tried to learn how to sing and dance like them. I had a lot of scenarios about becoming a kpop idol (even though the name is also a huge red flag which I didn't see as I was blinded by satan) to the point that I even dreamed about talking with my (now ex) favorite groups. I am ashamed for I even tried to introduce other people to kpop not knowing that it was one of the reasons why I was so miserable, but I realized it only recently.

How God delivered me

I actually didn't have to do much to get rid of listening to kpop. On 15th March, I went on referat and the for the first time in my life I truly felt that it's not a priest talking about God to me, but it's God talking to me through the priest. I felt a strong presence of the Holy Spirit and loved it. When I went out of the church, my mind was filled with the thoughts that I want to truly start seeking God and spend much more time with Him, at least a few hours. I also lost the desire to listen to the wordly music and after some time I also stopped having the desire to watch movies that aren't about God, study if it isn't about Him (I still study and have good grades, but I just don't keep on seeking knowledge after school at all. However, I love getting to know about Almighty more).

The comparison how my life looked like before and how it looks like now

I can easily notice that just like I had so much anxiety when I was listening to kpop, it is gone. I sometimes feel anxiety when I want to explain the Bible for someone and obey God's will but it disappears thanks to the Most High. Earlier, I used to compare my looks and abilities to everyone around me and got way too involed in beauty standards. However, today I noticed that I haven't felt ugly or wanted to change anything about my looks for a few months now (it's May, so 4 months' passed since I was born again). I also stopped feeling so sad and lonely, don't need to depend on music to feel happy. I found my identity and only true happiness in the Holy Trinity and know that they always care about me. Even when someone rejects me or doesn't treat me with respect, I always come back to my Heavenly Father and remind myself that having Him, Jesus and Holy Spirit in my life is more than enough. I did overthink everything, but stopped. Randomly, different thoughts about future fill my mind, but I able to ignore them and focus on my Savior. These days, I get tempted so much to come back to kpop. To be honest, I wanted to come back to kpop to listen to Christian songs. However, I also had a strong desire to listen to other kpop groups but my King of Kings lead me to the video that talked about the negative impact it has on faith of people. Then, I realized that I could watch kpop content and listen to this genre even for 5 hours during the day but prayed for only 25-30 minutes and didn't feel that I need God as I thought that I only need those groups. I watched a few videos about how bad it is and on the next day, I told myself that I won't come back to this again. I was tempeted way more often and the thoughts that told me to come back to this were really intensive, I also saw some articles and videos on the websearcher but didn't choose to waste my this way. I learned how to stand firm and I am thankful for Holy Trinity, for God helped me. Thoughts of the books I read about kpop also show up in my mind and try to encourage to read them again, but I will not break for God. He died for me, I can at least put Him first and not go back to something that is against Him. You can choose Jesus as well! His Arms are always opened for you, no matter how much you've sinned. He loves you to the point that He even died for you, took your blame on Himself to give you salvation and not let you perish. He is always there to listen to you and give you comfort. Just accept His offer, you won't regret it in the end :)

[abishekmuses]

10/4/24 00.25

Today I literally have no idea what I'm going to be writing about - so this will be a super stream-of-consciousness like post.

First off, let me start my reviewing my day so far. As I write this, it's about half past midnight. It's been a reasonable day. Nothing crazy. I did manage to start off my 2 pomodoro medicine thing. Which is something. Not nothing for sure. I'm 30 and i'm starting to study medicine - this is my reality. I told myself that I should stop doing the pointless exercise of thining back to 2014 or 2012 and castigating myself for not doing it then. I've been doing this exercise for a long time and it's utterly pointless.

Might as well get with the reality and start now. Last few days have been interesting in that I've been seized with a manic lust for life, experiences, pleasures and adventures. the Abishek of the last few days is the roving adventurer. The insatiable maniac. The one whose energies just want to bounce endlessly. I've also been feeling extremely sexual. My loins are on fire! I can't seem to get my mind off the idea of women for more than a coupleo f hours at a time. Suddenly, i realise with a vengeance, as it were, that there are hot women around and that they have belly buttons and nupples and they do such things as take men's penises in their mouths. It's been wild. But i want to reiterate to myself that I chose this period of celibacy intentionally and volitionally. I wonder how I can get myself into that frame of mind that I occupied in the beginning of this period.

Hmmmm.

I was also thinking yesterday how even as an adolescent, i was aware of my "body" "holding me back" by getting nervous - I remember talking about it to sudhan for example. My answer back then was to "interfere" with the mind and make it not so - try and defeat my anxiety with cockiness - basically forcing myself to do the thing- get on stage, talk to the girl etc. I want to remember those times of my life more through writing. Let's get there someday. So far, so much of my emotions and thoughts revolve around the "problem period" since 2012 - actually even later? I wonder why I'm so predisposed to high heart rate etc. I can't even remember when this started. I think it was always the case. I just think i didn't notice it. I didn't have any awareness about it. I remember ayesha telling me not to get excited. I remember stuff like that. I remember renu telling me that with weed i finally "stopped bouncing off the walls". i think i was always like this - but i guess there was an additional component that complicated it when I started having real problems in life - when I got expelled, started cheating on sandra and feeling major guilt about it, started sleeping days and spending nights drinking, lying to my parents, doing lots of drugs, spending entire months away from school etc - this added a whole new layer to that natural predisposition towards sympathetic arousal.

I am quite excited about planning a few trips after all this monasticism. I'm thinking hampi, goa, rishikesh but let's see how it all works out. There's a lot more of this to be done. I also remembered today that one of the major components of this 90 day thing was physical transformation - and it's kind of on hold right now because of the back injury. But i think that's an excuse. My sleep cycle has been fucked - that's the major problem - i feel like I don't have time and I feel like i'm always behind - plus all the emotional release of course. So, this is good. I think I'll read some osho and go to sleep fairly early today. Then, I'll be able to get up and have two proper sadhana sessions from tomorrow and maybe do a nice and proper rehab session in the evening?

By doing my rehab properly - even though it's not "high yield"- feeling or "high impact", i show myself that I value my body's mobility and functionality. I show myself that i learn from my lessons and that I'm committing to a life of physical mastery. Now would be a great moment to remind myself of that socrates thing.

I really enjoyed my call with Runar today - there's always something so life-affirming and joyful about these copywriting sessions we have. I don't know what it is - maybe it allows me to live out this fantasy of an alternate reality where im a creative ad-agency worker or something? i don't know. I just love it though!

I feel behind on things a bit - substack, essays, writing more content deliberately, going through those tabs, building my personal brand, doing outreach for more writing work etc. Not to mention write all that content for ONiO and actually make good on my commitment to make 1500$ by the end of last week lol!

Let's get up in the morning and hit the road running?

What do I want to get done tomorrow?

finish at least 3 articles? or let's say 2 conservatively. As a rule! but aim for 3

make more content for linkedin

extensive rehab

two shambhavis

early pomodoro finish

reading!!!! (just for fun) - to be able to do that with a free mind, I need to finish all the other stuff earlier and fast!!!!

Ok i'll write my affirmations now, read some osho (but chocolate first!) and go to sleep!

[elellan-merlin]

Not really Merlin related, but...

Watching I Medici season 2 just to see Bradley James acting as Giuliano -> getting enraged in remembering what will most surely happen at the end with la congiura dei pazzi -> immediately imagining a fic with an angsty romance between Giuliano and Francesco Pazzi so that all may end well.

[libbee]

Astro observations (October 2022: part 2)

Different people in one family deal with emotions differently. They should have expectations depending upon their own nature and emotional sensitivity. As an example, my mother is 1st house Libra stellium with sun while I am 7th house Taurus sun with 8th house moon and venus. This combination makes me deeply emotional, dependent and not assertive/center of attention. I can sit with one conflict for months while my mother doesn't like conflicts and runs from them.

Sun in 1st house mom + sun in 7th house daughter. What would you guys think about this? Engulfment, identity merger and dependency issues arise in daughter. Daughter needs to develop her own self esteem and confidence. Spend sometime away from mom ideally to become emotionally independent.

Saturn in 5th house makes childhood household restrictive, controlling and strict. Parents didn't like to give freedom of choice and agency to child. Parents acting like they know what's right for child and imposing their decisions on child. Parents can also be interfering in child's life a lot. Many times, they do it unconsciously out of paranoia or insecurity. They don't seem to realize the impact it has on their child.

Sun in 1st house mommy can actually belittle her children a lot. She is competitive, wants to be the center of attention and seen as the best. She can be demotivating towards children and thinking of them as incapable or stupid of doing things. It is all her own perfectionist tendency and self sabotage projected outwards towards children.

Moon in 8th house = emotional distance from mommy in adulthood. This is a hallmark of natives who take a hard decision to emotionally distant themselves from mommy for their own mental sanity. Their mommy and themselves are just on different emotional levels. They can look after their mommy financially and socially but not mentally and emotionally.

Water sign dominant natives can hide their emotions very well, don't show their emotional side to others, outwardly appear indifferent but emotional turmoil within, though they can show anger outbursts especially when immature.

Immature and mature planet and sign energies really makes difference. With age and experience, some people change their ways while others do not. With maturity, they make better life choices that help in productivity, material fulfillment and personality development. With immature tendencies, they make choices that lead to character weakness, abusive behavior and stagnant in material life.

Venus in 2nd house men notice feminine things on women. They like to see the colours, styles of their accessories, clothing, hair, how they dress themselves up. Conversely, women with 2nd house venus also like to dress up well and take care of beauty. These natives like to buy quality products over cheap ones. They invest in products that are good quality and sophisticated.

Mercury in 12th house makes a native who likes to study alone. Anything related to school, studies and thinking, they do it alone away from public life.

Natives with 1st house planets are shaped by their ascendant. They can show the qualities and characteristics of their first house planets. They are the ones to have distinguishing personality traits and visible in public eye. While natives with empty 1st house dont show any dominant personality. Of course they do have a personality but in public eye they are not visible for those qualities.

7th house placements especially sun are easily influenced by their environment, the people they are surrounded by and the people they befriend or talk to. They have a tendency to mimic the person they talk to. Since they project themselves in others a lot, their life gets difficult trying to adjust their projection whenever they meet a new person.

Venus in 10th house career wise can be dealing with money, banking, real estate, land related banks and field work. I have seen a native working in land bank and also doing land business with Venus in 10th house.

Mercury in 7th house natives attract really talkative partner, writer, author, friendly, energetic spouse with a lot of ideas and communicative habits. These natives can be lawyer or hold a law degree while working in other job.

Sun in 1st house native makes you know they are in the house. Their energy is that powerful. They are attention seeking and act like they are the best thing in the world. It feels like their energy fills the room they enter. Their energy can be really overwhelming for someone who is laid back and peace seeking though.

Air signs natives have a tendency to break things off and change friends quickly. But when the mature, they learn to treasure the relationships and friendships they make. Learn to make long term friendships and not jump from one person to another. Resist the urge to run from people.

[eclairia-monarch]

Power Couple with the ‘It Girl’ HC [Ushijima]

a/n: honestly, I do think Waka-chan will be an interesting partner, wouldn’t you agree? 

warning: none

Haikyuu HC Masterlist | Haikyuu Series Masterlist | Genshin Impact Masterlist

✨model students power couple✨

literally a king and queen

NotLikeThis emote every teacher and students in school put you two on a pedestal because you two are exemplary in your own ways

that pressure wasn’t very pleasant, but you two endured it together

Ushijima is the star student that was selected to be an under 19 representative for Japan for the Youth World Championship and his studies are within the top 0.5%

but he has a stoic face and intimidating face

you are the student council’s president and was the lead star of Shiratorizawa, crème de la crème 

but you have a stoic face too

no one would expect the two of you to be a couple since neither one of you showed even an ounce of hint towards having romantic feelings

both of you had been in the same class since middle school so you two knew of each other and even back then, Ushijima and yourself were outstanding students

your home room teacher joked that they wouldn't be surprised if one day you two end up dating each other because you two would always be selected as representatives of some sort

teachers think that way?? (◕︿◕✿)? even a smart cookie such as yourself was a little confused at such a thought process

fast-forward to the end of your first year in high school, with the help of your best friend, you were able to internalized and process the tinge of sourness whenever you saw a girl got too touchy with Ushijima 

or the sudden wave of heat that was sent through your body when you two accidentally brushed past

not one to dilly-dally, you decided to just confess your feelings to the volleyball loving idiot. if he didn't like you back, so be it, because then you can just move on

surprise, surprise (no sarcasm) he actually liked you a lot too 

he just didn't know how to approach it, says he 

so he would purposely visit the places you would most likely appear just to catch a glimpse of how angelic you look because seeing you doing well is all he needed to know to make his day better

Ushijima you oblivious flirt ( 〃ω〃)

teachers adore you two so much. we all know teachers are secretly shipping their students, but you will forever remain their favourite because it is so unexpected

very lowkey about PDA in the beginning, aside from holding hands, but you two just love it that way. his hands are hUGE and wraps around yours perfectly

but when you two do show PDA…

*cameras 📷 out and ready*

the whole school finds it so adorable that their power couple is so fluffy now

when they spot you near each other's vicinity, they would stare and wait. wait until you two cross path and witness the way Ushijima stopped you to remind you to take good care, witness the way you reached to his hair and gave it a loving pat

and witness the tiny redness on the tip of you two’s ears as you two continue your day

listen, sweet [y/n], as the school council's most vital member, your time is eaten up by a lot of matters, trivial or not (ﾉσ‸σ)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

you don't often had the luxury to watch his games live since you were the secretary/vice-president/president in each respective year of your high school career and thus could only show support to him via objects

gifting him a towel that has his name embroidered by you, or some home cooked lunch you made for his matches

he didn't mind if you came or not, because he understands how important of a figure you are in Shiratorizawa (heck he even answers to you for certain matters) and is needed in school even after school hours

plus, if he needs your presence to win, then what kind of powerhouse is Shiratorizawa? He wants to show you that he is reliable regardless, so he can protect you in every situation

{´◕ ◡ ◕｀} what a protective simp but protective Ushijima will always flutter not only you, but the people around you 

but just because he is your significant other, doesn’t mean he is exempted from your lectures when it came to school rules

remember how he let Kageyama and Hinata entered Shiratorizawa without the proper process?

lmao who the fuck is darling, dear, or honey?

It was only “Ushijima Wakatoshi, please come to the student council office right now”

you had never seen Ushijima looked so unsure of himself when he sat in front of your desk

“I heard you let two students from Karasuno enter our campus without the proper procedures…”

Ushijima shifted in his seat as he tried to maintain eye contact with you. he was thankful you sent everyone out

“It was an oversight on my part. I am very sorry, my dear,” he said, and it was at that second, Ushijima unlocked the ability “puppy eyes”

Ushijima made sure to buy you a nice bouquet of your favourite flowers, and pamper you because he didn’t want you to be disappointed in him, and because you deserve the queen treatment, ofc

just like Oikawa (lmao) he makes sure to let the interviewers know of you and how you are always there to give him that additional push. man over here has cheesy things to say, i tell ya

“I also have my lovely significant other that supports my career-”

*he points to you in the crowd*

Ushijima.exe is processing...

“[y/n] is here?” he asked incredulously 

why did he point at you as if ke knew? lmao wtf, you volleyball idiot

his ‘y/n’ radar is on 24/7 it seems

yes, if you have the luxury to actually show up, you quietly watch your boyfriend and absorb every single play he did, never informing him about you being in the crowd until the end of the game

the crowd makes sure you get the best view of the entire match

he loves it when you do that, makes for a pleasant after-game surprise

over time, you two are more comfortable with PDA 

Ushijima will take the initiative to have his arms around you and kisses you on your cheeks or forehead when he sees you off to your meetings before heading off to the gym himself

you two often have lunch together with the volleyball team, so the cafeteria is always packed because now everyone wants to watch the power couple live and breathe like a movie

overall, your status as a power couple came from having a solid reputation that kept on growing when you two got together

it's honestly scary just how much power you two hold

but of course, only true friends will see who has the most power over the other in your relationship

[lettingthoughtsflow]

(responding to a note left by @hopeful7)

I don't think I would have this view on lab rats if it wasn't for the fact that I am disabled and I've spent so much time with the disabled community. This isn't a space I can take up alone, and I would feel so much more comfortable if others chimed in. Even if it were to just tell me that I'm totally off.

I've done a fair amount of research regarding children with disabilities. There is a long history of society belittling people with any type of disability and wanting to hide them away from the world. People with disabilities were separated from others because society didn't think they were capable or worthy of existing in the world. Even in our current society, there are people who view disabled lives as less than. Adam, Bree, and Chase are hidden from the world because they are different than the "traditional" humans, and they don't think that society is ready for them (they say this in the later seasons when their secret is revealed). Neither of the Davenport brothers saw Adam, Bree, or Chase as humans until Leo and Tasha came into the picture.

Their bionics impact their biology differently; the trio definitely would've had assistive technology that helps them take care of their bodies. We should've at least seen this after training sessions or missions when they put their bodies through intense training.

I'd have to think about Bree a little more, but Adam and Chase would've had IEPs or 504s for sure. Adam is often portrayed as the "dumb" one, and he is shown to struggle with academia. However, he is still very capable on missions and he is actually quite smart. As a student, he would've benefited from additional academic help and studying strategies. There are a few episodes where the writers highlight the way Chase makes fun of Adam's intellect, and in some instances, you can actually see that it does affect Adam emotionally. Additional socio-emotional support is often needed for students who struggle academically, and teachers are supposed to be considering this. I can def see ADHD characteristics in Adam.

Ignoring the fact that Chase essentially has the whole internet in his brain, his intellect is due to advanced cognitive processing. The show never shows him being annoyed with his classes per se, but I would imagine he would've benefited from a more advanced curriculum. Honestly, I'm surprised they didn't mention taking AP/Honors classes or dual enrolling at a college. If Mission Creek had one, he probably would have been enrolled in the Gifted program to make sure he's being challenged appropriately and in a safe environment that allows him to explore his abilities. Additional socio-emotional support is also needed for students in the gifted program.

The Bionic Island really makes me ponder some things. Putting everyone with bionics on an island isolated from society reminded me of what I've learned about Special Education schools. These schools are meant to be curated for students with special needs, and they do have their purpose. I don't know too much about the history, but from what I know, these schools are often "the last resort" because we want students to be in their "least restrictive environment." the least restrictive environment is the principle of keeping students who get special education in the same classrooms as other kids as much as possible. the bionic soldiers def needed some time to understand when to use their abilities and how to socialize, but keeping them isolated (davenport didn't want them off the island and made no efforts to help with socializing) and not even giving them a proper education was not ok.

again this is not a space that I can be taking up by myself. but these are some of the reasons that lab rats has been feeling like a hidden message about special education/disabled students.

and what if i said, the more i think about lab rats, the more the show feels like a allegory of special education students? what then?

[blu3pers]

Hi Blue! How are you doing, hope you're doing well.

You write for Huniepop right? Can I request, Audrey Belrose, with an extremely kind and wholesome s/o.

Who had a huge positive impact on her life. Her s/o helps her quit drugs, smoking and partying, as well as taking her education seriously.

Okay, wowww, a request, I'm also keeping this gender-neutral :D

Just for you, here ya go. I made it a little self-indulgent, hope ya don't mind. Also, idk how to format, so I used bullet points for now. This could be read as either platonic or romantic, and feel free to request more.

Never gotten one before but thanks! I just passed my driver's test so I was excited to do something. I did go through a Huniepop phase during some dark times so I did grow out of it to work on other things. I also have an OC x Huniepop fic on ao3 if u still need more content, fics for the fandom are a bit small compared to others

------

Personal headcanon that I used in my Huniepop fic is that she uses drugs as a coping mechanism to hide her emotions. The only reason why she parties is because she is secretly lonely.

Cue this loveable lug, you

You enrolled to the university because you didn't have a clue on what to do after high school. You knew Tiffany through mutual classes and hung out with Nikki because of common interests

At first, she didn't see the appeal. You're nice, but that's it.

But you're always coughing and breathing into an inhaler. That's when she noticed something.

"How come you don't tell me to stop smoking around you?"

"Oh, my parents always smoked around me. I've gotten used to carrying backups by now."

... da fuck, bitch. Stand up for yourself, is what she is thinking.

Just for that, she starts smoking less around you. You insist that you're fine, but she argues that she doesn't wanna be the cause of an asthma attack. The next time you come to visit, you try to make small chat with her and she actually responds back.

She completely ignores how your eyes light up at her responses and believes that the butterflies in her stomach are from her doses. She starts trying to find you on campus after a few more chats, but then she sees you trying to socialize at a frat party, which you suck at.

While she is watching you, merely to enjoy your suffering, she sees some douchebag slip something into your drink.

AW HELL NO

Audrey is down to drinking and getting stupidly high, but not to this. She storms through the crowd and roasts the hell out of the loser.

"Pfft! Wow! You actually just did that?! Did you really just slip that into their drink? What a fucking loser. You really had to fucking drug someone to get some? Just how fucking desperate are you to spike a drink."

You and Tiffany do your best to handle it, but Audrey simply takes you away from the party. You are, once again, insisting that you're fine but this only leads to her arguing with you that you need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself.

Over a few more days, she starts to come over to your apartment with your mutual friends. Audrey says that it's for your own good and it's to teach you to be more confident but you know better than that. With Tiffany, she starts to join in your study sessions. Whenever it's with Nikki, she gives the latest gossip to fill the silent gaming moments. She gets touchy too, preferring to lean against your back or shoulder. Your professors start thanking you for 'helping their worse student' which you are assuming is Audrey.

She suddenly shows up late at night, high out of her mind. Everything that she is saying is slurred and you can't make sense of what she is saying. However, you do manage to get her to sleep, though she doesn't make it easy whenever she tries to pull you down with her. You leave the room before she could put any moves on you, not wanting to take advantage of her.

You fall asleep on the couch after making sure that she has a change of clothes and Tylenol. You're so tired though, and you end up sleeping through the morning. Once Audrey is sober again, she realizes she's in your room and fully clothed. Still not in the best state of mind, she goes through your books before leaving.

She begins to notice a pattern in your notes. There are addresses of rehab centers scribbled down or crossed out. Your psychology textbook seems to focus more on addictions. There are even various phone numbers and personal comments. Audrey even recognizes some names.

Have you really been finding a way to help her cope? She isn't a stranger to interventions. Tiffany has tried but failed and Audrey has even gotten scolded by her father. When were you going to bring this up? She confronts you the moment you wake up.

"What the fuck is this? Were you actually planning on intervening in my life? Did you finally decide on what to do with your fucking life?"

You weren't planning on that, explaining that your own family struggled with addiction. You had chosen to major in psychology and have even gotten a scholarship. This was entirely coincidental. You were merely looking for somewhere to start interning in.

Now she feels like the asshole... She questions why you put up with her if she keeps holding you back.

The answer was simple: she wasn't. Audrey was your friend. However, the door is always open if she ever wanted to go cold turkey. You were willing to support her. You give her a reassuring smile and pat, leaving her to change into clean clothes.

After thinking, she decides maybe she should start properly sobering up. But only because she'd feel guilty if she didn't try, especially because you've been so patient with her.

[sweetspecterz]

Getting to talk about my version of VT was so fun that it would be wrong of me not to ask you about yours 👁👁

Only if you want to share, but I’m endlessly interested in other peoples take on these characters and their story

-dehliman

I'm a bit sad to say that I currently don't have much! I'm in the very early stages of thinking about it seriously! I will share a bit of what I do have for sure though!! it's the beginning of everything. The most I have is about Ghost, because for a good while I set out to make his life make sense which it probably still doesnt lol, its very centered around the Johnnys at the moment.... but i am currently working on Chris and Spooker >:3 no info on them until later unfortunately!! this ended up being so much longer than expected! warning this is a LONG READ. I MEAN IT. I REACHED CHARACTER LIMIT AND IM NOT DONE.

So getting right into it! Johnny Ghost, previously named [REDACTED] or Gregory Casket, was raised in West Virginia on a large property to which he was regularly left alone by both of his parents due to his mother being busy with a full-time job and his father being frequently away on 'business trips' and practically being non-existent in Gregory's life and dismissive of the kid when he was around. Unknown to all residents of the house, the house was built on land previously used to summon something otherworldly. The results remained to be unseen until the Casket family moved in. The results? A demon Gregory would unknowingly not only attach to himself for life but give power by calling it his friend. This demon would feed him false truths with no one there to correct him with the real truth, muddying what he knew about himself and where he came from later in life. One thing he was sure of was that in the tail end of elementary school he met Johnny Toast, who had an instant and strong impact in Ghost's life. The first REAL friend he ever had. Also around the tail end of elementary school is when the spirit attached to Ghost's 'imaginary friend' gimmick would stop working. It would lay low for years to come, thinking of what to do next. Jonathan Toast and his unexpected twin Gavin, were originally born in Brighton but temporarily moved to WV for a period of time after their father's death for a change of scenery. Johnny took his father's death surprisingly well especially for how young he was, Gavin did not and it was something that would effect him for the rest of his life leading to some not so great behavior out of emotional distress heard by barely anyone. I'm still working out exactly what's going on with their family tree so excuse the lack of information! Through the course of middle school Ghost and Toast would study the paranormal together on top of their actual school work which is an interest they bonded over from the beginning, going on 'investigations' that were really just the pair going to rumored to be haunted locations with a crappy voice recorder that rarely ended with anything being found. This is when the idea of P.I.E was pitched by Ghost, an at the time silly dream of a paranormal investigation agency that both of them only hoped would become reality in the future. This is also when Gregory started going by the name Johnny very suddenly for unknown reasons, but considering being called Gregory would make him completely breakdown barely anyone dared to question or protest. He didn't yet change his last name. During high school the entity attached to Ghost would decide to create a name for itself, using Ghost's real last name and entirely copying Ghost's appearance almost detail for detail to start on its planned path of Ghost's destruction and eventual use as a vessel for horrible things. It didn't know how resilient and strong Ghost could be at times. In the last few years of highschool, Toast and his family would move back to Brighton to be near their grandmother after her husband passed away. Both Johnnys kept in contact through letters and over the phone, Ghost became increasingly ambitious about the plans for P.I.E and insisted they would be reality which was an idea Toast was thrilled with and started to make a plan to move back to West Virginia when he finished college. He ended up graduating college early and moving back as soon as he was able. While in Brighton Johnny Toast would have many arguments with Gavin due to Gavin's uncaring nature toward their grieving grandmother, leading to Gavin not exactly being the most fond of his brother. Although in the time that Toast was gone, Ghost would meet Katrina Galloway. Katrina and Ghost quickly became friends, their similarly loud and in your face personalities just feeding off of each other. Ghost and Katrina would get in a large disagreement about 6 months into their friendship, a disagreement that would end in Ghost having his first blackout because of Jimmy. I LITERALLY CAN'T ADD ANYMORE THAN THIS WTF.

[manybcdthings]

At times, Felix wasn't even sure how he survived his childhood. The memories of Agneta as a mother are so rarely positive. Most of them blotchy and faded of how she used to be, replaced entirely by the more vivid recollections of her sudden and sharp contrasting self. "You mentioned thinking about Outreach and why it was called it." Felix said, avoiding letting any bitterness seep into his tone. "I wasn't joking about what happened." but then the bitterness did show, because he wouldn't dream of it. "I was making a comment about how people have used what's happened to them." for an agenda, one that he didn't agree or believe in. "It's less funny when I have to explain it." he added, deciding that the topic was never going to be acknowledged. Not any time soon, and certainly not by his mother.

A subtle scoff slipped from his lips, the words do-gooding making Felix glance to Agneta with a subtle look of disdain. "I've never actually said that I hated it." he reminded her, even if Felix was aware that his actions through his life did most of the talking for him. "It's a job, with numbers and money. I wasn't aware that I had to be leaping for joy every time I counted something." but then it struck him what his mother was really doing. Creating more hoops for him to jump through, because clearly showing up for work, doing a good job...no, nothing was ever good enough. "But, hey, if you want me to smile wider at work, just say so." dry humor was the only thing going to get him through this interaction.

But, Felix found himself clutching onto it harder than he thought he would. Somehow, whenever he was convinced he had the last word, Agneta manged to stoop lower and lower. So effortlessly too, in ways that always astounded him. Her words cut through him, even if he schooled his expression to show no visible wounds.

He simply stared at her, a slight laugh leaving him for how perfectly created the entire situation was. From appearing at his side just moments after he arrived, before he could settle into the afternoon. To pulling out words he didn't think any mother would say to their child. Felix nodded, subtly, as if he was seeing the interaction for what it was. "I don't really think there's many studies floating around about the impact a fake mother has on their children, but maybe Jakob and I skipped the survey messages." he said without an ounce of emotion. "Can you even get scared, mother?" Felix squinted then, feigning curiousness. "We've never really had the conversation before. Now's the perfect time, if we stay quiet enough. Where's your volume control, is it voice activated?"

★・・・・・・★

The comment from Felix, naturally, stings but Agneta can't show as such by her expression. Maybe there's a slight twitch of her eye, her lips fighting a deepening scowl. But finally, she scoffs and gives a disparaging shake of her head. "It's so difficult to talk to you when you're like this. I never said anything about Outreach." she sighs, exasperated by his quips and sarcasm before they've even began a true conversation. "Using what happened to the Belcourts as humor is beneath you, Felix. We raised you better than that." Agneta's voice turns stern, reprimanding her son with a quiet but unwavering tone.

"I was simply trying to say that with all the do-gooding at Outreach, Vertex must not seem as exciting to you. Because, I'm aware, it was not exactly your favorite place to begin with." and she assumes her son's addictive personality is at play. Something new for him to focus on, something different that hooks him in. "Oh, I'm sorry that I bore you. Forgive me for coming to talk to my own child." Agneta huffs dramatically, her eyes rolling to the skies as Felix continues his quips. It doesn't matter if she only approached him to press at buttons she knows are there, heavily guarded by him as he pretends they're hidden.

She still can be the wounded mother at the drop of a hat, not looking to him as she glances through the party with a disheartened expression. "And I would talk to you at our dinners but Isabella always leaps in and prevents us from having a conversation. It's not healthy, Felix. That's controlling." now she's the concerned mother, offering advice out of care and concern even if she knows Felix would rather derail the discussion himself. Agneta's gaze snaps to him, sharp and quick but she refuses to bite. Not yet.

As her son reminds him of his previous ventures, she keeps the disgust at bay from sweeping over her expression. Schooling features into a cold display of disapproving. "I always wonder where we went so wrong with you, Felix." Agneta whispers, a desperateness in her tone as if she longs for an answer. "I worry about you." she stresses, nodding now as if it may help him understand. "And you demonize me for worrying? I've never understood you. You were always a strange child, too. Maybe it's my fault, I couldn't quite...take to your strangeness. It scared me."

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Let the Stars Witness

Okay okay holy— omg I did it! My first request and from an admired writer of mine no less!

From @kim-monsterlings : Hi and welcome!! Really looking forward to seeing your work! ~ If you would, could I request some form of friends to lovers with an orc? (Prompts maybe like, "you deserve better.") Thank you! <3

Since it wasn't specified on what their genders are, I hope your okay with what I went with! And I kinda trailed off from the prompt (or rather it's different but similar)

Anyways you'll know when you read!

•

Pairing: Male Orc (Duruk) x Human Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: None.

•

"You know, I never thought I would be friends with anyone here, especially with someone other than my, well, species," you tell your companion, your eyes not leaving the cloudless night sky as you lied on your back on the roof of his house. The stars were out tonight.

If you told your younger self that you'd be having great escapades (if running away and getting into a series of trouble fall under that) with an orc, you would most definitely cry your eyes out because you thought were being teased, taking it as a hurtful comment. You were sensitive like that. Part of the reason why no one would even go near you, afraid they might hurt you with a pat on the shoulder or with one word alone. You became the prime target of bullies, finding twisted amusement at your pathetic reactions. A crybaby, they called you. But it wasn't your fault you didn't have much control over your emotions. You were weird, asocial, timid, maybe even depressed. Having a neglectful family didn't help either, it just worsened.

•

The morning you met Duruk was after the orientation. And it was not so good for a first impression.

Long story short, you cried.

But since you're perhaps curious as to what happened exactly, let's elaborate.

You had your headphones on, the melodic sound of gentle rain played in a 3-hour loop and blocked out other noises, your eyes glued to the path you were on. You took long and hurried steps, wishing you could teleport to your classroom and hide in the back, disappear or become invisible.

You were distracted, or should we say, focused on the ground and expecting everyone to step aside and let you through.

Well, except for the one who had his back on you.

You crashed—not an exaggeration— into something- someone massive. You stumbled back and landed on your bum, wincing from the impact. Luckily, your headphones were safe (ah yes, priorities), detaching from your ears and landing on your shoulders. When you looked up to see who it was, you thought your eyes were gonna fall off, grow little legs, and scamper away.

Before you stood an orc, halfway turned to glance at whoever it was that tried to push him, his sharp tusks jutting out from his maw. His brows were furrowed as he looked down on you. Sure, he wasn't as tall as the orcs you've seen around the city and campus but still was over 6 feet, with muscles thicker than your thighs, easily hulking you.

You tried to get out an apology and run as far as you could go, but you just sat there, frozen as you strained your neck to meet his gaze, you couldn't look away. Your heart was trying to claw its way out into the surface.

Then you felt the tears swell up.

They cascaded down your face before you even could stop them.

The orc's eyes widened at your reaction and crouched down to your level in an instant that he almost fell over. His hands hovered, not sure what to do.

"Hey, hey, please don't cry. Please don't—"

"I-I-I'm re..really s-sorry p-please don't hurt m-me..." You managed to choke out pathetically, hiccuping in every word.

"Shhh now hey, it's okay. It was an accident— what? No! Why would I do that?" he replied. The orc peeked over his shoulder and to the sides. "Let's get you to somewhere, uh, less crowded," he added. You turned your head and saw that you had an audience, whispers went around as they sent pitiful and disgusted glances in your direction, only making you cry even more.

He proceeded to unceremoniously lift you into his arms, bridal style, and dashed away. You gripped the front of his shirt and shut your eyes. You were trembling now, scared of what he might do to you. How could you even fight back with your small stature?

It wasn't long until you felt him slow down and placed you carefully on a bench. The orc knelt in front of you, brows scrunched up as he studied your face.

"You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

You didn't reply, only staring at him through your glassy eyes as you heaved.

You flinched when his hand started rubbing your back, his other hand placed on the side of the bench to balance himself.

He continued to caress your back and murmured soothing words in hopes of calming you down.

Your tears didn't stop falling until moments later when you came down from your initial fear, the warmth of his palm leaving your back once you did. All the while the orc remained where he was, at a loss of what to do next.

You rubbed your sticky face with the collar of your pale and blotchy crimson sweater, sniffing and taking slow, deep breaths before you spoke.

"I... I'm sorry for causing you trouble. E-Even going as far as to take me somewhere quiet. I...appreciate that." You thought you'd pass out with the way people gathered around you, it was suffocating. "Thank you..."

"I panicked," he started, "Sorry—I mean, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong. I get that a lot of people run away from the sight of me, but you didn't, and just froze there on the ground so..." he shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

You shook your head. He was such an imposing figure to many, their first thought was most likely to get away or scream at him.

"You looked angry... When I bumped into you." You slammed into him actually, but he didn't budge an inch. Guess it was one-sided.

"Oh, that? Well, my brother scolds me a lot for having such a grumpy face, scaring humans away. Like he was the one to talk when he's taller and bigger than me! People would faint on the spot when they see him, I bet!"

The image your mind conjured up tore a laugh out of your body, two orcs arguing about how not to terrify people at sight was damn hilarious. When was the last time someone made you laugh like this?

The orc grinned, your reaction a contrast to that of earlier.

You opened your mouth to say something but the ringing of the great bell resounded, cutting you off. The two of you stood up as you realized you were late for your first class of the school year.

"So, uh, what now?" you asked.

"How about we go to our class, then maybe meet up later? Oh, fu— my mother will gut me— I haven't introduced myself!" He blurted out, his voice making you yelp with the sudden outburst.

Clearing his throat, he reached out, "I'm Duruk."

In turn, you gave him your name, taking his hand and smiled. "Hello, Duruk."

•

True to his word, you met again later when lunch came. The cafeteria was packed so you settled on getting the convenience food they offered and eat somewhere quiet.

Your conversation that day spiraled when you found out the two of you had a lot in common. From your favorite rock band to your favorite flavor of ice cream.

You both strongly agreed that vanilla ice cream was superior.

You agreed to meet up during breaks, always having something to chat about.

Eventually, you became inseparable.

He even changed and transferred to your class just so the two of you could be together at the start of the day rather than walk half of the campus to see each other every time.

You became best friends, sharing each moment in school, may it be helping the other stay awake in a boring class, or copying homework when one of you forgot to do it. Soon enough, Duruk started inviting you to his house to hang out. He did mention he had four other siblings, but he lived alone. You came by almost every night and on whole weekends to escape from home, only a few miles in between. No one would notice you gone anyways, but you returned around midnight, not wanting to impose on Duruk no matter what he says, so he walks you back instead.

You basked in each other's company. The odd and scrutinizing glares didn't go unnoticed when you two were together, but you shrugged them all off.

It didn't take long before you started having feelings for the orc, a little wishful thinking that you could be more than friends. You noted lately that his touches would linger seconds longer than usual, hugs and even a hand on your shoulder and back seem to be warmer and —you dare say— affectionate. It weighed heavily on your heart, your simple crush turned into something else, and it only grew with each passing day, and every laugh you shared.

But of course, you swatted those away, buried them deep inside every damn time they climb back up. Who could even love you? Yes, you have Duruk, he likes you, you think. But that's the end of it. Just close buddies. You can't take the risk of ruining your friendship with him and make things awkward with the only one you had! What if he stops talking to you, weirded out by your confession? You don't want to go back to being alone again, your heart can't take the rejection that came with it.

So you endured.

•

A little over five months ever since the embarrassing accident, here you are now, stargazing with your best friend.

"Well, good thing you didn't watch where you were going that time then," he says, chuckling beside you. His hands cushioned his head against the hard surface. "I wouldn't have..." he trails off.

"Hm, what?" you ask. Duruk went silent and didn't answer you for a time. You were about to let it slide but then he breathes in audibly.

"I wouldn't have met an angel if you did. Should've caught you in my arms, but sadly I didn't move fast enough." He replies, his voice deep and mellow.

You straighten up and turn to face him, your brows shot up, incredulous to what he just implied.

"W-Wait. What?" you squeak, your heart thumping hard in your chest, your skin warming up even in the chilled night air.

Is he—

"You're so cute, y'know that? Fuck it, it's all or nothing," he whispers under his breath as he sits up to face you. His expression was unreadable, but you see in his mahogany eyes a familiar glint of determination. "I'm not good with long-ass speeches so I'll make this short," he breathes in before he continues, "I feel something for you, for a while now, more than a best friend does, like...in a romantic sense. I want to cherish you and hold you in my arms every time I see you, I- ah fuck- damn it I just—" he growls, "I love you, so much and if you don't love me back then please re—"

You shut him off with your lips against his, Duruk's tusks pressing against your cheeks as you held his face in your hands. He was stunned for two solid seconds before returning the kiss, his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you close and into his lap.

You feel something wet roll down your hand and you immediately jerked back to see his face. The orc was crying.

Did you do it wrong? Were you so terrible at it—

"I don't deserve you... A monster like me doesn't deserve an angel like you."

Where was this coming from??

"Say that again, I dare you."

"I don't de—"

This idiot!

You pecked his lips to cut him off.

"You big dummy," you begin, "I love you too, idiot. You may be a monster but not what everyone else defines you as. I love you as you are. You're my best friend, and dare I say my l-lover now. Is that right...?"

Duruk gives you a small, gentle smile, "If you'll have me, then yes, for as long as you want me to be." He says, sniffling a sob as a couple more tears tumbled down his rugged face.

You never thought you'd see him like this. He was the one who kept making you laugh with his stories and terrible jokes. Before you, in your hands was someone vulnerable, his eyes soft and fond as he gazed into yours.

It made your heart pound and it hurt.

You leaned in and he met you halfway, kissing once again, deeper and more intimate this time. Real. You brought your arms around his neck, your tears spilling out and he tightened his grip around you. It felt like a dream, too good to be true, but the way he hugged you like you were the only thing that anchored him in this world made you believe it wasn't. All of this was real and you couldn't be anymore happier.

From above, the glittering stars, the light gentle as they shone, bear witness to two freed hearts, bottled up feelings gushing out like a broken dam as you embraced one another and lost yourselves in the moment of bliss, cheeks stained and clothes lightly damp from the tiny rivulets of liquid that dropped down.

It's a lovely night, isn't it?