#Find your identity and worth in Jesus

[queerprayers]

Hello! I'm a genderfluid Christian and I'm currently trying to discern whether going on HRT would be a good idea, both in terms of whether it would be worth the inconvenience and whether it would be glorifying to God. Do you have any recommendations?

(For a long time, I was comfortable in my gender without it, but a few months ago something shifted and now I can't stop thinking about it. I would ask a pastor, but I'm between churches at the moment; the Baptist church I went to for many years, despite its many good qualities, is not at all affirming, and I'm still in the process of finding a better spiritual home, which is further complicated by the fact that I am nocturnal.)

Thank you for running this blog, by the way. It means a lot to me.

Hello, beloved! I will do my best and I'm so glad you're here.

I hope you've heard this quote from Daniel M. Lavery, but just in case you haven't: "As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: 'God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.'"

Another quote from that book (Something That May Shock and Discredit You, which I highly recommend) that comes to mind is “Trying not to transition was the hardest work in the world. The nicest thing about transition was letting go.” I believe you that you're unsure, and I'm not trying to make your decision for you, but on the off chance that any of your discerning has taken the form of trying to convince yourself not to transition in this way, or downplaying your current discomfort, or not trusting yourself out of fear, I'd say that being trans in this world is hard enough without being on your own side.

Ultimately, you know yourself and your experience, and I'd hazard a guess that you've already decided more than you think. Often by the time I'm reaching out about a life change, I'm asking permission more than advice. If that rings true, here's your permission (not that you need it from me).

I hope you don't mind, but I checked in with my partner (a certified Transgender) while answering this, and I'll paraphrase what they had to say about HRT and inconvenience: Is the travel time to see a loved one worth the inconvenience? Ultimately, you are worth dealing with inconvenience. The happiness you could have is worth the inconvenience. Being trans is hard with or without medical transition. But sharing in the act of creation is worth it. We are all worth doing hard things for, and for some that includes fighting to get on HRT and being visibly trans in public.

You can't know until you begin a journey if it will be "worth it"—but I would imagine answering this for yourself, giving this instinct inside you a chance, would be worth it even if it's not forever. There are people who start HRT and decide it's not for them—and their lives aren't ruined. Their lives are fuller for honoring what they wanted at that point in time. Obviously regret happens—but we cannot refrain from living because of that. Your gender identity and your relationship with your body may change and grow, and all parts of that change are worth of honoring.

As to whether this would glorify God—are you honoring the person God created? If (to paraphrase St. Teresa of Ávila) Christ has no body now on earth but yours, if yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world, the feet with which he walks to do good, the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world —what body are you moving through this world with, and how will you care for it? What will enable you to live out Christ? Jesus calls us to meet every stranger as himself—what would happen if you met yourself as such, too? If everything we do to another is what we do to Christ—feed, clothe, honor—why would you be any less? Why would your body not be worthy of existence, of shelter?

If our bodies are temples to God, are they not places of worship? Of course my journey with accepting my body has shown me that we can be faithful Christians before accepting ourselves, and as we learn to care for ourselves. I don't mean to imply we cannot. But our peaceful existence in these places of worship takes work, and just as we work to make our churches more accessible and accepting, so must we work to care for our bodies and fully inhabit them as prayer. My work of love to my body was accepting it as it is, welcoming its change and faults, and also taking psychiatric medication so that I could function better. It was prayer for me, the journey to find a medication that worked and paying attention to how it was changing me, how it enabled me to better serve as a child of God.

Every trans person I know has been more fully able to love when they live as themselves—when they've had access to transition care, when they've been respected and affirmed. These were not selfish choices, they were self-honoring choices which have shone outward ever since. We can look to the Bible to see name changes at moments of God-glorifying change, and we can also see physical change—the shining face of Moses, the woman who only seeks to grasp the hem of Jesus's clothing to be healed, Paul going temporarily blind, Jesus himself at his transfiguration. We cannot serve God and stay the same.

Romans 12 tells us to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice—living. Yes, we are called to be willing to die for love, but also to live for it. Preventing your flourishing because it would be scary, or inconvenient, or misunderstood, or because it may not be where your flourishing lies forever, is not a sacrifice for love. Transition, the way I've seen it in the people around me, is.

I also want to point out that you've done the work—you introduced yourself as a genderfluid Christian. I don't know your story, but I know the years of reconciling saying those words can take. You have the language for yourself. You know who you are. HRT can be a huge first step for some, but it can also be just the next part of that work. It doesn't have to be huge. For some it is simply bringing things more in line with the self they've known all along. Make it a big deal if that feels true (and it is a big deal in terms of bravery and access), but it may become just one of many ways you care for yourself. You don't have to cater to those who see it as drastic or an emergency, those who fearmonger or want you to prove you need it. You've done the work, so trust that you are capable of making this decision.

It is your God-given right to make decisions about your body. As Christians, we believe we are called to serve God with those decisions. But God gave us the reins. God gave us all different skills and stories and paths. It is not easy or obvious and sometimes we circle back or regret or repent. God gave us the capacity for those kinds of stories, too. Be human with God—our God who entered into time and space, who participated in our having-a-body-ness, who reconciled the ways his body held him back and the ways he could serve with it. Jesus's relationship with his gender/body/health is not something we're privy to but from other parts of his life we can assume it was a participation in his time and place—a 1st century Jewish man. In the communities you're a part of, with the resources you have, with the identities you have welcomed, how will you be human with him?

I don't know what healthcare is available to you where you are, but a good doctor can tell you the side effects, refer you to counseling as you make choices, give you dose and timeline options. Even if you don't end up going on HRT, seeking out trans-inclusive healthcare and community is a good choice, and I would recommend learning your options. If you can't stop thinking about this, trust that it's worth taking seriously.

I wish you all the best in finding a church/community—there are people equipped to love all of you, and you deserve to find them. I relate with the nocturnal bit—I know Catholics usually have a Saturday night service, and every so often another kind of church will. Online community can fill gaps and give us other ways of connection as we look for physical communion. I wish I could promise affirming religious spaces in every place, but I can only pray and work for that to someday be the case.

So, to answer my lover's question, the travel time to see a loved one is worth it. The journey to the you more full of love is worth it, and the journey to find a spiritual home is worth it. If we are pilgrims on this earth, may the things in our control be done with love, may our journeys be faithful, may our bodies be Christ's body, trusting in the Love greater than anything we can do. How you will be a steward of God's creation is not something I can answer for you, but I believe in your ability to sow the seeds within you. HRT may be the next part of your creation—you can give yourself some time, talk to some people, sit with the idea, consider how you would handle regret, and don't let me tell you what to do, but ultimately there is only one way to know, and waiting until we're sure is stagnation if it is not an active waiting.

To quote my Easter/TDOV post: Come to life, beloved. God sees you. The first steps out of the tomb may be stumbling, the dawn too bright, but we will meet you in the garden, where you were first created. Bring with you whatever is still bleeding—Jesus believes in you, touches the ache in your ribs. Mistake him for a gardener; let him plant you anew. Look to the wound in his side, see how it births the Church, and continues to until there is room for you. Look through the holes in his hands and see the world you were redeemed for, the self that you have already found or may only imagine. God made the grapes, and Christ stands in the winepress with you. Trample out your wine.

And lastly, to turn the patron saint of receiving sacraments presenting as God calls, even unto death, Joan of Arc's affirmation into a command (and purposely quoting an angel in the process): Be not afraid. You were born to do this.

<3 Johanna

[jordie-gvf]

daddys girl, jake kiszka

fluffy dad!jake fic

warnings : fluff, language

word count

i want to preface this, in this fic, there will be a part when it talks about smoking weed at the age of 18. in the time frame, the legal smoking age was 18 not 21.

As soon as Harper was born, you knew she and her father were going to be attached at the hip. 

Her third birthday, he got her a mini piano, identical to Uncle Sammy’s. You would've thought the Gods above had crafted this gift with their higher power. She would not stop playing that piano.

Her thirteenth birthday, a phone. If you two had it your way, she wouldn't have a phone until she moved out. But “Mamma, all of my friends have phones! Why can't I get one too? I want one! Why do you guys have to be so mean!” Meanwhile, all you told her was she could get one for her birthday, which had been a month away.

Her first breakup. Jake had come home after being in the studio from nine in the morning to six at night. He had a plate of takeout chinese and a cold beer on the table. He looked for his girls, but all he heard was loud sobs and your calming voice. “He wasn't worth it, love. He was a douchebag, his car had a vanity plate, baby.” He heard his baby girl crying and his wife's soothing comments. “I know you loved him, but he was an asshole who only wanted one thing.”

Jake walked upstairs to his daughters bedroom and spoke softly. “If it makes you feel better, I really didn't like him.”

Both girls looked up and Harper got off her bed and ran immediately into her fathers arms, “Daddy!”

“Hi, my sweet girl.” He cradled her head and let her sob into his chest. He looked at you and saw you wiping tears off your face.

The new baby. “Mom! How could you not tell me you were pregnant!” She was elated to find out you were pregnant, let alone with her little brother. 

Once Hendrix came along, she had gotten a little more independent. You and Jake had caught her sneaking out and coming home at four in the morning quite a few times. After school one day, you both sat her down while Hendrix was asleep. “You know, we don't appreciate being lied to. We’ve heard you come home, every morning at four. This needs to stop, we don't know where you go or who you are with and you smell like weed, which is not good for your brother. We are very disappointed in you, Harper Kelly.” 

She looked teary eyed as Jake scolded her. Jake stood up and pointed to the direction of her room and he walked away to your shared bedroom. No sooner did he leave, she broke down. 

“I didn't mean to make you guys upset. I just wanted to be like everyone else.”

You grabbed her face and told her, “You don't need to be like everyone else. You're Harper Kelly Kiszka. Not Michaela, not Janie, not Rob, you're Harper.” You kissed her forehead and directed her to her bedroom. 

She went upstairs sulking, while you went to check on Jake. You leaned on the door frame and crossed your arms. “Why would she need to leave at one in the morning to go smoke. Doesn't she know that we do and once she turned of legal age we would've done it with her if she wanted to?”

You laughed and said, “I don't know, I never smoked with my parents and they were hippies, my brother's name is Street. And the first time I ever smoked was with you, at Whites Bar, on your 18th birthday.” 

“Was it really?” 

You nodded and moved next to him on the bed. “Jake, she needed a wake up call. She's failing all her classes and she has no desire to do anything.”

“Jesus, she's just like me in high school, sneaking out to make out with girls and smoke weed.”

“I was the only girl you were dating in high school, Jake.”

“Exactly. I can only imagine what prom is gonna be like.”

He spoke too soon. Prom night was tonight and you couldn't console Jake. You had been upstairs, teaching her how to use rollers for her hair while she did her makeup. Dress shopping had been a nightmare. You almost fought some broad at Windsor for the dress Harper wanted.

Once her girlfriend showed up, she came downstairs with her makeup all done with her corsage. Jake had been standing with Julie at the end of the stairs, hand on Julie's shoulder, tears welling in his eyes. Being the cliche mom you were, you had your phone recording the entire thing. 

She had fully made her way down the stairs and had given a small kiss to Julie. Jake pulled Harper into his arms and cradled her head, the same way he had done years prior. “Make smart choices, both of you. Julie, dont keep her out all night, okay? Before you ask, yes, you can stay the night.”

They had gone on their way and you and Jake saw them off, waving while Julie drove away. “I really hope no one brings alcohol,” he said, laughing.

“Remember what we did on prom night?”

“Yeah, snuck out and left to go to Waffle House with Josh and Ronnie. Ended up staying there until two in the morning. Karen was not happy.” 

“Yeah I bet, because my mom had my ass too.”

“I always wonder what would've happened if we never ran into each other, literally.” 

You were late for school, as per usual. You peeled out of the driveway and flew to the high school. You pulled into your parking space to see another car pulling into the space in front of you. You were going a little too fast around the corner and didn't see the tan minivan.

“Oh fuckin A! Dude, don't know where you're going, pay attention!” You screamed at him from the inside of your car. He looked at you and put his hand over his mouth. You grabbed your backpack and you both got out of your respected cars. “I am so sorry! I totally didn't see you. Let me call my mom.”

“I don't care about your mom, I'm late.”

“That car accident was totally my fault.”

“Yeah it was, baby. But we won't talk about it.”

[gigglesandfreckles-hp]

For future reference: this fandom absolutely DOES prompts!! Some people more than others, but we even have whole blogs dedicated to giving out prompts! ;) (shout-out to @jilymicrofics and @jilychallenge) Prompt lists are great too, of course!

Anyways, a lot of good prompts here but of course it jumped out at me:

"I love you."

"You couldn't have picked a worse time for a confession."

(Tied-up back-to-back Order!Jily go! Or whatever you want to do with it, really, but that's how I pictured it. 😁)

❤

ah this is brilliant information!! thank you!

from this prompt list

It was supposed to be a calm, quick, easy mission.

“Give it to the kids,” Moody had said, waving his hand dismissively as if it wasn’t worth his time to care or follow-up with which ‘kids’ ended up taking on the mission.

That was the only reason James and Lily had ended up doing it together anyway, because Mad-Eye’s universal distaste for romance and relationships and, well, happiness usually keeps the couple separate.

Now, though—Lily’s starting to wonder if maybe the old man had a point, because nothing as elementary as Incarcerous has ever managed to ensnare her when she was on a mission with Mary or Remus or Sirius or anyone other than the idiot currently tied behind her.

“So,” he drawls, “do you think they’ll come back soon or…”

“Shut up, Potter.”

She can feel him shrug casually against her. “I’m just wondering.”

“Do something more useful,” she hisses, struggling against the ropes again.

“I dunno why you’re so upset,” James quips. “This is quality time, Evans. Sure, I usually prefer to be able to actually look at you on our dates, and yeah, I guess the blood stain in that corner over there is a bit of a mood-killer, but, oh, I don’t know. It all has a certain charm to it. Don’t you think it’s all a little sexy?”

“If we ever get out of here,” she says through gritted teeth, “I’m going to kill you.”

The Death Eaters had confiscated both of their wands, but—given James and Lily’s concealed identities—had hesitated to do any more than that. It’s a disturbing advantage, revealing the level of bureaucracy even within their enemy's ranks, that they have to check with their esteemed Dark Lord, or whoever, before proceeding with torture.

So, here Lily and James sit, bound together, their backs pressed against each other in an unidentified room within an unspecified house. The opulence of the marble floors and the imposing darkness of the towering ceilings hinted at its owner's aristocratic (Pureblood) pedigree.

“Should we play a game to pass the time?” James chirps.

“I need to concentrate.”

“Good idea. I love that game!”

“Wh—”

“This is the game of concentration, no repeats or hesitation, I go first, you go second, category is—”

“Jesus Christ, James!” she shouts, shrilly. “How can you sing at a time like this?”

He shifts, his back pressing more firmly into hers, and immediately she knows he's heard what she's been trying so hard to keep concealed. His physical presence succeeds in grounding her, as it always does. “Evans.”

Lily feels awful for snapping at him. None of this is his fault, obviously. He’s been nothing short of wonderful from the beginning. She takes a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. “Yeah?”

“You all right?”

She leans back into him. “No,” she whispers hoarsely, “I don’t think so.”

The ropes shift against her skin as James moves again. She feels his arm bumping along hers and then, out of the corner of her eyes, she sees his hand, moving toward hers. How he’s contorting himself to manage it, she doesn’t know, but she moves her own hand to clasp his without thinking.

He squeezes her hand. “We’re gonna be okay,” he says. “Moody’ll have gotten our Patronus by now. Any minute now—”

“But what if they—”

“It’s not gonna happen,” he says, his voice firm, instilling a sense of confidence in her. “We’ll be out of here before they even find out who we are.”

“I—” Her voice breaks.

“Not gonna happen, Evans. I’ve got your back.” He chuckles a bit pathetically. “Incidentally, right now, I actually do.”

Her head drops, a pitiful snort escaping her at the miserable irony of all this. “Tell me something good,” she murmurs.

“Well, obviously—”

“Something other than your new cat, James.”

“Okay, fine,” he says, a little grumpily. She smiles, clearly imagining the pout on his lips. “How about…oh! My mum is baking a cake for Padfoot’s birthday this weekend. And I don’t know if you’ve had a Euphemia Potter cake before, but—” He pauses for dramatic effect. “You’ll never have something more disgusting in your life.”

“James!”

“No, I’m being so serious, Evans. It’s like…Merlin, it’s like she sweeps the back-streets of London and dumps the contents of her dustbin into a pan with some eggs and just bakes it. We stick a candle in it and sing and fuck, it’s literally so bad.”

“You’re terrible.”

“No, Lily,” he says, seriously. “The cake is terrible. You’ll see.” He hums to himself. “But I see the humorous tragedy of my mum’s cake isn’t going to do it for you, so I’ll move on to another topic. Let’s see, let’s see.”

“I didn’t know it would be so much trouble to think of something good for your girlfriend to—”

“Oh, you’re playing dirty now, Evans. Pulling the girlfriend card, like you don’t know what that does to me, every single time.”

She grins, even though he can’t see her. “What if—”

“Hang on, I’ve got something,” he interrupts her. “Something good.”

“Alright, let’s hear it,” she says, waiting. “I’m on the edge of my seat.”

“Actually, your arse is firmly planted against mine, a fact I have not stopped thinking about since we were thrown in here, but seeing as it’s not an appropriate time to do something about that—”

She bumps the back of her head lightly against his. “Oh my God, Potter, get on with it!”

“I love you.”

Lily freezes, her back going rigid against James’s. “You—” She feels him squeeze her hand again. “You couldn’t have picked a worse time for a confession,” she murmurs numbly.

He doesn’t say anything at first, but before Lily can give a proper response, she feels him shaking against her.

“James?” She shifts to try and get any sort of vantage point to see him. “James, what are—” He’s laughing. Absolutely, hysterically laughing! “Was that a joke?” she demands sharply, trying to withdraw her hand from his. “You’re a terrible person, James Potter! I don’t—”

“No,” he manages, through peals of laughter, trapping her hand back between his. She can feel his head shake back and forth. “No, I was being…completely…serious.”

Jesus, she wishes she could see his face right now. Not that it’s ever aided her in being able to understand this mad man before, but…

“I don’t know why I said it,” he continues, still snorting in laughter. “I mean, I do. Obviously, I…I love you beyond reason, Lily. But—Merlin’s beard, I can’t believe I just—”

“You…love me?” she asks, quietly.

His hand turns over, palm meeting palm, so he can properly intertwine their fingers. “Of course I do,” he says.

“But—”

“I love you.”

She feels a surge of emotion. “I love you, too,” she manages. “So much. A pathetic amount, really. And—”

“I swear to Merlin the second we’re out of here, Evans, I’m going to kiss you so good.”

“So good?” she repeats, giggling at the absurdity of it. He’s ridiculous. She loves him so much.

“Yeah, I’d—” He dissolves into laughter again.

“What now?” she cries.

“It’s just—” He snorts loudly, his head bumping against hers. “Well, see, I’d kiss you now, but I’m…” A loud peal of laughter echoes through the dark room. “I’m a bit…tied up…at the moment.”

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

so do you remember the idea I had that I'm kinda scared to write (now I'm less scared and doing some planning) if not totally fine (here's a link to the post ) I was wonder if you thought these

struggles would fit with my message of side characters are struggling with their sense of identity and the main character helps them find it so basically do you think these struggles match up with struggling with your sense of identity I hope this makes sense

Yes, I think all of these work really well with the concept of identity!

The definition of identity is the fact of being who or what a person or thing is, right? And that can be composed of both little and big things.

If someone asked me, 'What defines you?' or 'What's your identity?' or 'What do you find worth in?' or something along those lines, my gut-response reaction would to say Jesus and that I'm a Christian. Because that's who I am, that's where my worth comes from, that statement sums up almost everything you need to know about me as a person.

That's the 'big thing'. The 'main one'. And the most important one. My identity is found in Christ.

(Not every story has to be 'Christian' or only have Christan characters/main characters. A lot of incredible Christian authors don't have any 'Christian characters' in their stories. I'm just using this as an example. [also sidenote but while I think Christian authors don't have to have the main focus of their works to be religion, they should use their craft to reflect Christian morals. You don't expressly have to say Jesus' name in order to point to him with the good, beautiful, and true that you write.])

But also a bunch of smaller, less-important things define me. (Although I don't stake much of my identity on them per say, because that's then idolatry. If the thing/concept/whatever was taken from me tommorow I would still be me, just without that smaller thing that might make up me.) If someone asked me to name 5 things that made up my identity I would say Christ, my family, my life circumstances/experiences, my ambitious pursuits in academia and wanting to make the world a better place, and my creativity. And those are umbrella categories that a lot could fit under, I could get far more specific.

If a total stranger who I have never known in my life saw this post and read those five things, they would have a pretty good idea of who I am, even if those things I listed don't make up the 'whole' of me. Because we as humans are complex creatures.

The same thing can be done with characters. Since your story is about identity, you should take each character and give them one Big Thing that defines them. And you can use that as a base to branch out into a bunch of smaller things that also make up who they are. (Again, doesn't have to be Christ if your story isn't about religion- and with where the story starts it can be a terrible thing that defines them.)

And then make them struggle with it. All those things you listed are great ways to make someone question their identity. And then you can do two things with that- A) Have their identity and who they are change. B) Have them struggle and shift away from their identity, realize their mistake, and return back to it, even stronger than before.

Lemme play this out for you.

Let's say I have a character named Robbie. At the start of the story, Robbie is defined by his need to be successful at baseball. His entire life is built around it. He's being doing it since he was old enough to pick up a bat and wear a glove. Throughout all of elementary and middle school, he's been the best of the team and has worked really hard to get good. He wants to get into the MLB! Pretty awesome dream, right? And Robbie has done everything he was supposed to and more to do it.

But then in high school he's having a big game where there will be scouts to try and recruit to teams, and he gets injured. Suddenly, his identity is shattered. His legs are broken, he'll be in a wheelchair for months, so how is he supposed to get into the MLB? He's heartbroken as his dream shatters and his identity turns out not to be so strong after all. Who is he without his dream?

But then while he's injured, while he can't play baseball and his struggling with who is is without it, he realizes something. It wasn't being successful or making his parents and teachers proud of him that made him happy. That was nice, but maybe that wasn't the point of baseball. It was helping teach his classmates and the kids younger than him baseball. It was helping them succeed and getting good at the sport that brought purpose to the game.

So Robbie's character arc goes from I Need To Be Successful At Baseball To Have Purpose -> I Need To Teach Others How To Play Baseball Rather Than Try To Only Focus On Myself. His identity shifts because what he started out with wasn't strong in the first place. He wasn't being selfish really, Robbie is actually a pretty humble guy, but that's all he cared about. Every desicion that he made was based off of 'Will this make me successful at baseball?' But now he's focused on helping others even when it costs him, and that's a whole lot more important. And that would be the defining theme of my story.

See what I did there? I took one thing and expanded it. I could keep expanding Robbie's story here with other characters, plot points, what's influencing him, other smaller things that define him that either shift in the story too or get even stronger. Robbie's story here isn't perfect, not yet. There are a lot of gaps and quite a few things that don't make much sense yet. But it's a place to start. You've gotta have a basis of what a character's identity is and what it means and if it's good or not before you can change it.

That's how I would do it.

[infjpisces]

A Day in the Life of God’s Princess 👑✨

As daughters of the King, we’re all God’s princesses—loved, valued, and called for a divine purpose. But what does it really look like to live as God’s princess in our daily lives? Here’s a reimagined royal routine to inspire your walk with Christ.

🌅 Morning: Rise and Shine for the King

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

• Begin the day with gratitude, acknowledging your royal status as a child of God.

• Spend time in prayer and scripture, setting your heart on His promises and guidance.

• Remind yourself of your worth—your crown is not earned, but freely given through Christ.

✨ Midday: Walking in Purpose

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” (Ephesians 2:10)

• God’s princess isn’t idle; she pursues her calling with confidence and humility.

• Whether it’s school, work, or caring for loved ones, approach each task with excellence as a reflection of your identity in Him.

• Look for ways to serve others with kindness and compassion, spreading the light of the Kingdom wherever you go.

🌸 Afternoon: Kingdom Connections

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

• Spend time connecting with others—whether it’s friends, family, or strangers.

• Offer encouragement and love, knowing that your words and actions reflect the King you serve.

• God’s princess strengthens relationships and uplifts her fellow daughters of the King.

🌙 Evening: Rest in Royal Peace

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

• After a full day, find time to rest in God’s presence, surrendering your worries and cares to Him.

• Reflect on His faithfulness, remembering that your identity isn’t tied to what you did today, but to who you are in Him.

• Renew your spirit through worship, quiet time, or journaling your prayers and gratitude.

💖 Being God’s Princess Means:

• Walking in confidence, knowing you are loved and cherished.

• Serving with humility, reflecting the heart of your King.

• Seeking His guidance in every decision, big or small.

• Living a life of joy, peace, and purpose, anchored in His truth.

[ficandkaboodle]

“Please be seated,” Papa requested. On cue, the sanctuary was filled with sounds of creaking pews, rustling fabrics, and feet kicking against kneelers. The response was Pavlovian to you, as was the boredom threatening to creep in.

However, as this was your first Christmas (or was it better called Yuletide?) with the Church of Ghost, and curiosity begged you for a bit of effort on your own part.

Your catholic upbringing’s Christmas vigils were repetitive and drab — you couldn’t even remember how old you were when you finally realized Jesus was described as having siblings, even though every Christmas Eve mass was punctuated with his family tree.

But as far as you were concerned, there was no family tree for The Other Guy. At least, not one that had been captured by any teachings you'd acquired in your year of residency.

He was just created, he rebelled, and he surrounded himself with his followers once he fell. So unless the homily was to redirect into a discussion on found family (fitting, if a twinge bizarre), you were truly clueless.

Not helping was the fact that your new partner, the antipope himself, wouldn’t divulge to you what he planned on saying.

“We must keep our newcomer on their toes,” he would lightly tease.

To your cynical mind, it probably meant he had no fucking clue what he was going to talk about. But as he made his way to the lectern, the black sheen of his robes swishing, he looked confident. Sexy. It was his job, after all.

“Good evening, my children,” his booming voice rippled. You and the rest of the congregation returned the greeting dutifully. Pleased, he continued:

“Christmas — or Yule — can be a very…polarizing time of year for many. If you forgive my pun.” Good grief.

“For some, regardless of their walk of life, it is a time to cultivate joy and extending kindness to those in need. But for others, it is a cold, dark era that weighs down on them. Memories become more vivid, ice crystallizes from within. Depression. The feeling of being lost. How lucky we are, then, that we still manage to find ourselves here, together. We are guided by a beacon of sorts…”

He trails off, not out of distraction but purely for dramatic effect. You can tell it by the way his heterochromatic eyes scan the congregation, making sure everyone is paying attention. When they finally land on you, you can see the barely hidden twitch of his lips forming a smile. You can feel yourself blushing and force yourself to look back at your hands fidgeting in your lap. This was no time for flirtations after all.

"Now, forgive me for such a poor segue. Your Papa's wordsmithing is in his songs," he jokes with light humility. "But given the season, I am sure there is another sort of beacon many of you are familiar with. I will give you a hint: He has a song dedicated to him; he can fly; and he has a red nose."

Your eyes flew up from your lap and back up to your Papa. The blush had drained from your face and left your expression one of confusion. Papa, however, no longer had his sights trained on you. His gloves gripped the slanted wood of the podium, affirming his stance.

“For you see: Rudolph’s nose was a gift," he carried on. "He was a beacon for the outcasts, the misfits, the…Misfit Toys, to be more clear. So they would know where to look whence they realized their worth to the Christian Santa was only as compliant as they were to conformity."

"Unfortunately…Rudolph’s desire for acceptance flooded his identity — he wrapped himself up in the idea of being useful. Of being loved. As a consequence, though, he turned his light away from the others and left them behind…”

That. Wasn’t how it went in Rankin-Bass! Your lips parted, gobsmacked. Sure, you'd heard some zany comparisons of the most absurd things. But . . . Was this guy seriously twisting an old Christmas movie? More importantly, was he suggesting Rudolph's nose was the result of Satan's interference?! It would've been laughable, if not abso-fucking-lutely jarring!!

You glanced around at the other parishioners. For a split second, you were stunned that anyone was lapping this up. Some might've even been lightly nodding along. But then again, you knew your Papa: The humility he pretended to display regarding his "wordsmithing" was made of crap, he knew exactly the sway he could pull with words alone. He had the sort of presence and conviction that could convince anyone of anything with the right amount of umph in his words.

A dangerous power to wield, of course, but it could be trusted with your beloved. Even though he sounded absolutely insane to you.

By now, your intrigue was one of morbidity. You clung to every word, dissecting it, trying to peer into the insides.

"I will cut to the chase here. I know we don't want to be here long: Lots of cuddling and fucking and whatnot to get to." He wagged a painted brow and you could barely silence your scoff of amusement.

"I suppose what I would like to say is: Do not be a Rudolph. It is important that us 'giocattoli disadattati' stick together. If we fall together, then we can also rise together. Do you understand that?" He pauses for a beat just long enough to mentally insert a chorus of agreement. To let the words truly sink in.

"When the Dark One gives you a gift to alert to others that you are there, you must use it. We must be a beacon for one another in these dark times. Not only so we know where and whom to go to, but also so that we know that we are safe. Capisce?"

At this, the attendees responded in turn, all agreeing that yes, they understood. You, however, were a twinge too dumbstruck to do so in time.

How, in the span of minutes, did this man manage to make a meaning out of a satanic interpretation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer exactly? You felt those eyes back on you. This time, he didn't even try to hide the smirk on his face.

***

“That was…some homily you had going on there," you offered. It was just the two of you in the sacristy. Being the partner of a Papa (and potential Prime Mover), some clearance to be back here had been offered to you previously. Normally, you turned the offer down, reasoning that your station as a Sibling of Sin (and a newcomer, no less) made for an awkward fit. But tonight was different. You needed either answers or at least to say something while the vibes were fresh.

Despite how weakly you spoke, your amore looked quite proud as he watched you from the mirror. Pulling the paint-stained towel away from his mouth, he thanked you. "Grazie, amore mio. I will admit, though, I perhaps could've done more with the messaging. But like I said, Papa and the poetry of words -- ehhh, we do not always dance together so gracefully."

"Oh, no, the messaging was beautiful, actually," you admitted. "It's just . . . That interpretation of Rudolph. I won't lie, that caught me off guard there."

At this, you watched his shoulders shake with a slight chuckle. He finally turned to face you, his face now bare of paint but wearing an expression of amusement.

"No worries. It’s quite commonplace in dark Sunday school. It makes sense that you don’t quite get it." His smile only grew as he watched your expression become an increasing mixture of confused and concerned.

"Wait . . . Y'all teach that Rudolph's nose was a gift from the devil and that his decision to seek conformity was -- wait, you know what? That kind of almost makes sense. Kind of."

At this, the older man couldn't help but finally let go of a laugh.

"It's okay, tesoro mio," he cooed before pressing a kiss to your temple. "We have all night to school you. How's about this: We head back to my quarters, we make some spiced cocoa, and I do you some learning? I can tell you how Frosty the Snowman symbolizes how we must cherish every moment and make a party out of all that we can. Sound good?"

[eddiesguitarskills]

When We Were Young

Part 5

Ex bf Eddie Munson X fem reader

Other parts 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Intro: 5 years have past since you packed up and left behind Hawkins. Well not all of it, as the people you met there are still a huge part of your life. But it's been 5 years since you had set a foot in the small town, 5 years since you left him.And now after all that time you were back.

Warning: angst, language, mentions of suicide, miscarriages, self harm, mental health.Arguments. Mentions of break ups. Female identity reader. Use of y/n

Bold parts are flashbacks

Word Count: 4.3 k

A/n: please only read if you are in a good place, I wouldn't want this story to trigger or hurt anyone. This took a while to write again, I just don’t want to rush it. Sorry for the wait hope you enjoy. Buckle in for this rollercoaster of a chapter

Not prove read

The first week of school had been hectic, to say the least, you had expected that. But it genuinely felt like you haven't been able to sit down once, you thought by having all your lesson prepared there wouldn't be too much work other than classes. However, you wanted to make good connections at your new place of work. Especially since a lot of the teachers at the school were there when you were a teenager, you felt like they still saw you as a kid not ready for this responsibility.

Steve fit in so well, he was always better with older people. It was easier for him he was a charmer. You on the other hand were better with kids/teenagers they were easier to read. Your wanting to fit in had led you to have multiple jobs, you felt like this was a test from the other teachers, like a form of hazing so you just said yes and went along with it. You helped organise books in the library. Ran after-school detention. Had to watch the canteen at lunchtime. You were on a permanent coffee run. You had even fallen into the trap of helping to repaint a wall with the school janitor. You were honestly surprised you had any time to teach in between everything you were doing.

Steve had told you “you don't need to do that to fit in. You'll find your place you always do”. But you didn't know how long that might take so you went along with it. It felt worth it when you were invited to drink after school at the local bar on Friday. You knew Steve didn't go to these things which made you nervous, but you knew you would have to start to exist in this town without your crutch.

Which is why you were now standing arm-to-arm with your new colleagues in a packed Hideout. It had improved since the last time you had been there. However despite its new paint, new artwork on the walls. Even with a new sign with a new name, Waterdeep, It still felt the same. The exact same as the night you and Eddie properly met. Nothing had changed. While listening to your colleagues share memories, ignoring your existence, you look around to see what was still there since you last came. You wonder if your’s and Eddie’s initials would still be carved on the table near the toilets. Most people avoided that table so as a teenager in love you thought this would be the best spot to leave the mark of your love.

Sweat dripping from every inch of his body, Eddie jumps from the small stage guitar still strapped to him, over to you. He grabs your cheeks and kisses you deeply. You were glad to be held because you think you would have fallen if not. You had already gone weak at the knees tonight when you heard Eddie’s new song dedicated to you, singing about you being the one. “Did you like it?” You nod your head. “Better than anything I’ve ever heard. Did you mean it?”. Eddie smiles “as I said in the song I don’t care if people think I’m young, and dumb. I know one thing, you are the one I will love for the rest of time”. Heat starts to rise to your cheeks. “When did you get so soft?” He grabs your ass from under your skirts. “Maybe it’s when I saw your rocking body” he joked because he loved you for more than that. But Jesus he would happily worship your body every day. That would be the only religion he would need.

You smacked his chest playfully, then dragged him to where you were sitting. He placed you on his lap in the booth at the table, kissing your ear and your neck. He couldn’t keep his hands off you. You giggled but could also feel more than butterflies starting to rise in your body. You took his hand from your waist and pulled it under the table “eager” he said not understanding that you weren’t trying to ‘play’ in the bar. He put his hand on your leg running up and down it. “Eddie, I didn’t mean that”. He looked glum but quickly removed his hand not wanting to make you uncomfortable. “At least not here at least”. You spoke so only he could hear you. You pulled his hand under the table again and let him feel it. He felt the outline of both your initials carved into the wood. He smiled. “So no matter where we go our mark will always be on the first place we met”. He pulled you in for another kiss, then moved you off his lap. Reaching into his pocket. “In that case, it has to be someone less hidden than under the table. I think our love at least deserves the top of it”. It was silly but I’m that moment it felt like the most romantic thing. At that time everything Eddie did felt like the most romantic thing to ever happen.

You couldn't stop staring at the table, wondering if it was still there. That might be the only proof you have that your love was real. That you were happy together, that at one point he loved you. “What world have you travelled off to now?” You spun around to the sound of the low gravelly voice. You should have put two and two together and realised if Eddie was to own any bar of course it would be this one. It held so many memories for him. It was of his safe places where he could completely be himself. Maybe it wasn't the original dream for him but it made so much sense. It was like this job was always meant for him. You were happy for him.

Eddie had not expected to see you here. Despite how he was acting he was nervous but strangely happy to see you. This could be his only chance to talk to you. He thought you might avoid him for the rest of his life for how he treated you last time you had spoke. Sure you had said some things and you had still hurt him, but hearing about the breakdown made him feel guilty. He felt like the guilt was eating him alive or maybe it was the wondering that was doing that, (if he saw the signs he could have helped?). The problem is when he had these internal battles in his head he always stubbornly ended up with the same thought, that you left him before he had a chance to fix it. Part of him wanted to apologize but he didn't know 100% what for and he was sure he wasn't supposed to know about what happened. Dustin said it wasn't public knowledge, only Steve was allowed to know. It was always Steve. Even now he felt jealous that you always completely let Steve into your world and he had only got a chance to dip his foot in. Even worse now he was out of it altogether.

He was so nervous that he thought about not talking to you, and hiding in the back until you left. That would be pathetic he thought, but he was tempted. That was until he watched you more intensively and noticed how the people you were with were ignoring you completely but then again you weren't trying with them. It looked like you had given up on interacting, he couldn't blame you he recognize many of the faces of his old teacher and he wouldn't want to talk to them either. But this was your new job, you need to try with them. You couldn't shut down. It wasn’t his responsibility to make you feel less lonely or at ease but he didn’t want have something else to feel guilty about. Maybe he couldn't trust you with his heart but he could give you an olive branch.

He noticed you still hadn't said anything and had gone back to daydreaming, he used to think you had the cutest face when you went into a trance. You still did. He almost didn't want to break you from it again, but the longer you were there the more he panicked. He remembers what you said about this place at the Harrington’s, saying it wasn't his dream like he was a failure. Were you judging him? He wanted to put on a front like he didn't care what you thought, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Welcome to my almost dream” you both cringed at his words. “It looks good”. You didn't know what to say. You wanted to tell him you were proud, but it wasn't your place anymore. He hoped you meant that. Those few words were something he didn't know he needed until he heard them from your mouth. “The usual?” he smiled. You were a creature of habit, but maybe you had changed he thought. Maybe this was a small test to find out what was the Same and what was new about you. Every time he remembered you drinking, you would have a vodka and coke. Only half a shot of vodka though. It always felt like the safest drink. “Just a coke. I can't drink anymore”. Why did you tell him that? Can't. The word made him thinking you not drinking wasn’t by choice. He wanted to ask. The word don't and can't are very different but it wasn't his place anymore. “Coming right up”.

He pours a coke from the tap and slides it over to you. “How much?” he shakes his head. “Call it mates rates” he uses a stupid British accent to impersonate you. He regrets it instantly when you don't laugh or smile. How could you smile when you were face to face with the fact that the old Eddie was still in there? The one you loved. Did he flirt with all the customers? Was he just being nice? Was there more to it? Did he notice you looking glum and was trying to cheer you up? Why would he care?

It made sense if you were being rational about it, there was nothing more to it then the fact that he couldn't be cruel like usual in front of the customers. He had to be pretend to be nice but that didn’t stop your heart from stupidly beating slight faster. You knew the old Eddie would unfortunately for you never be real again. A glimpse was all it would ever be, he would slip back to the Eddie who hated you on your next meeting. The thought hurt more than you would like to admit. “I didn't know we were friends” you mutter. It sounded like a dig, you didn't exactly mean it to, but it was a fact.

Silence followed after your statement, you assumed with how busy the bar was, Eddie would use this as his excuse to leave. He had been civil enough for the evening he could go, but he stayed. Thinking about what to say next. Sure you were right, you weren't exactly friends, but you weren't strangers, and given the new information he knew about you, he couldn't bring himself to hate you. So where did that leave you two? The silence was killing you, it felt like all the noise from the bar had disappeared and the only sound you could hear was the gears turning in his head.

You look around the room for anything to mention to stop whatever this was. You see the stage, with a drum set at the back and a microphone. “Do you still play?” He was very thankful for your change of topic and even more thankful you were still talking to him. He wanted to enjoy these few moments with you. He shakes his head. Your stomach sank. You hated that, he was good. Maybe he wasn't amazing enough to break out of the state, but he was still good. You used to love singing with him in his trailer while he played the guitar. You could have never imagined he would have given up something that made him so happy. You wondered what other happiness he had deprived himself of. “Why?” He shrugs his shoulders and mutters “because it made me think of you”. You shouldn't have been able to hear him with how low he spoke, especially with how loud the atmosphere was but he was all you were focused on right now and his words felt like another knife being twisted in you.

It showed you that no matter how hard he pretends to be nice or civil with you, he still looks down on you and blames all his down comings on you. “Oh, so it's my fault”. God he hoped you hadn't even heard it and now you thought he was insulting you. Eddie Munson could not win with you, he ran his hand through his hair. Keep calm, you are doing so well. She is just trying to get a raise out of you he told himself. “That’s not what I meant sweetheart,” he says walking off to the other end of the bar to help the other bartenders. Your heart was beating so fast you were sure you were having a heart attack. You guessed it could be a panic attack but it didn't feel like that. Could it be... No, you shake your head of course not.

“ I see some things never change” you turn around to see Mrs O’donald your old teacher giggling into her chardonnay. “You two were always joined at the hip, I hope he doesn't get you into trouble anymore. I always thought you could do better than him” she slurred her words. It was weird seeing someone who used to be your teacher and who was now your colleague drunk. She always had an issue with Eddie, you always thought it was people like her that was at fault for his failures. Sure he could have put more effort in but it's hard to do that when the people who are supposed to teach you don't even have your back. That's part of the reason you wanted to be a teacher to help kids like Eddie, show they can do it and are worth it. But to hear her still look down on him, pissed you off. You smiled the fakest smile and grabbed your coke off the bar downing it. “Looks like he's doing pretty good to me. I guess you and everyone else were wrong about him. In fact he did all this without your help” with that you left.

The next morning you woke up glad for it to be a Saturday, it had dawned on you what you had said. You were better than that, you could usually bite your tongue. You had worked so hard to fit in and now you had gone against one of the top dogs at school, you hoped it was just your anxiety making you worry and school would be fine. You should have kept your mouth shut. After everything he had done to you, you were still defending him. You felt like a fool. So like a fool, you spend the rest of the weekend in bed hardly eating, walling in self-pity. Ignoring the phone.

As soon as Monday came around you knew you couldn't avoid the world anymore. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as you were making it. You hoped it had been forgotten about. Whatever the case you needed to sort out your thoughts, you couldn't teach like this. You were thankful for the first period being free. You sat at the desk eating a cereal bar making sure the scripts from Romeo and Juliet were ready for your next lesson with the juniors. You heard a tap on the door, “come in”.

Steve looked at you and shook his head. “So you are alive then” you want to roll your eyes at him, but you hate to think he was worrying about you all weekend. After what happened you knew better than to just shut out the world or at least better than to shut out Steve. “I'm sorry it was a weird weekend”. He gulped worried that something bad had happened, he knew he should have just come around to your house to check on you. “Weird like how everyone is saying you and Eddie are dating or did something else happen?” He decides to mix a joke in about the rumours in the staff room to disguise his worry. He knows you and Eddie had been seen talking on Friday. He hoped it was better than the last time you were in a room together. He hoped Eddie wasn’t to blame for you shutting Steve out all weekend.

You groan and slam your head on the desk. You didn't think that's the gossip that would be spread. You didn't want to have your name linked to Eddie anymore. “Jesus I should have kept my mouth shut, you can't talk to anyone in this town without it being news. All I did was defend him one time”. Steve looked at you confused “wait so you spoke to him, didn’t kill each other. Then defended him. Are you okay?”. You fake laugh. “seriously though I don't know if it's a good idea for you two to be friends, I don't want you to get hurt again”. The school bell rang “I get it, dad, now you better go I have class”.

Eddie had also had a weird weekend but he didn't have the chance to stay inside all weekend like you. He had to go to work. He wishes he hadn’t overheard you standing up for him. It played over and over in his head. Your being back in town had caused more questions. Nothing made sense. He assumed you hated him or didn't like him anymore so you left but why would you stand up for someone you didn't care about? He guessed you were just being nice but it felt like more than that. Before he even had a chance to ask you or thank you, you had left.

He had Monday off work, so he decided this would be his day to go wallow and figure out what this all meant. As soon as one pm hit, he got a call from Dustin so he had to postpone his wallowing. He was thankful for his friend's constant chatter it was a nice distraction from thinking about you. About two hours after that the doorbell rang to signal someone was at his door. Maybe it was you. He had gone a full two hours without thinking about you and now as soon as his brain had a chance to drift to you, it did. It made no sense either why you would be at the door, you didn’t even know where he lived anymore. Even if it was you, what you be here for? What would you even talk about? It made no sense to want you here, but he couldn’t control his thoughts. All rationality had him left since you came back.

He opened the door to reveal Sarah with food from his favourite diner in her hand. With the tight white dress she was wearing that left nothing to imagination he knew exactly what she was after and it wasn’t the food. So he pushed the weird thoughts he was having about you to the back of his mind and took Sarah up on her offer. He didn’t feel like he was using her, he was always upfront about their relationship. He had told her he couldn’t date anybody, and she agreed, saying she only wanted fun. So as long as it didn’t affect work and both knew they could stop this whenever. It felt nice to have an outlet to forget without strings attracted.

Eddie had help Sarah get off a few times but when she tried to return the favour, they were having issues. Eddie was so stressed and thoughts were still consumed with you that he could only get a semi at most. This had never happened before, Sarah felt embarrassed and Eddie felt mortified. Especially since you had already ruined the hope of him ever being in a relationship, now he couldn’t even have sex because of the thought of you. He got out a pre-rolled joint from his bedside table and began to smoke it. He hardly smoked weed anymore. At most once a month but he knew it would help him relax so hopefully he could sort his problem and try again with Sarah.

Halfway through the joint, the house phone started ringing again. He assumed it must be Dustin to finish the conversation they were having before Sarah came. He hoped talking to his friend would help him forget again, so he raced out of the room to the phone. He was about to pick up when he realised he still had the blunt in his mouth. He stubbed it out remembering his promise to Dustin to try and quit. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He then picked up the phone, “sorry I had to hang up before, but I’m free now if you wanna talk again”.

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m definitely not who you were expecting”. Eddie stopped himself from sighing, he hadn’t spoken to Steve in a few weeks. He and Steve being friends, Eddie would have never expected it, in fact, he thought when you left, him and Steve would hate each other forever. However, that’s the thing about this group they had shared trauma and would never leave a man behind. Steve followed this most out of everyone he checked in with the group at least once a week, and with Eddie being around the same age they talked a lot. They in fact grew to be good friends, even if Steve was always a little hesitant to let Eddie fully in. Not hearing from Steve for weeks was weird, but right now it felt weirder to be hearing from him.

“So I heard you and y/n spoke”. Eddie pulls the cord as far as it could stretch so he could sit down at the kitchen table. It felt like a conversation he would have to sit for, otherwise, he would pace back and forth. “Hello to you too, how was work? Great thanks for asking. Been up to much? Not really- ” Steve fake laughs. “Yeah I get it sorry, it’s just y/n is important to me”. Well, that felt like a slap to in face, he knew that. Everyone knew that. He didn’t appreciate being treated like he was dumb by someone he would have called a close friend only a few weeks ago. He hadn’t done anything wrong so why was he getting ambushed? “You two have a history, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you two to be friends”. Eddie's leg uncomfortable shaked under the table, “I can't win with you either I'm too mean or I'm too friendly. What do you want me to do?”

Steve tried to stutter out a response, not sure of what he was asking of Eddie. “I get that… it’s just… it’s just…she’s been through a lot”. Eddie's leg shakes more “I know which is why I’m trying to be nicer” he wished he still had the joint right now. “You didn’t care before, why do you care now? Is this some stupid plan to get revenge?”. Whenever it came to you, Steve would get over-protective, and say the most ridiculous things. Eddie had done nothing wrong this time and yet he was still getting told off. He slammed his fists on the table and stood up unable to control his legs. “Jesus if I’m such a bad guy why have you let me around your daughter? If I’m so bad why are we friends?” The insecure side of Eddie wanted a response, wanted to be told he was being dramatic that of course they were friends. Steve wanted to say that but was too stunned to speak. “Fuck I was just a placeholder. You know I wondered when she came back if I would get replaced but I should have known. Me and you were never gonna be friends. I was just a stand in. I didn’t even make you choose but you always chose her. I think you forget she didn’t just leave me, she left you too. I wonder how long until she gets sick of us again and leaves”. Eddie knew he had hit a nerve when he was met with silence. He didn’t need to say anything else but he couldn’t help himself, why not put an extra nail in the coffin of Steve and his relationship? “You act like you are her protector but you didn’t protect her from that breakdown did you?” A low blow from Eddie he knew that, but he said words that he knew would hurt Steve most.

A bang followed by mumblings of Nancy could be heard through the receiver. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Steve had punched a hole through a wall. “Maybe you’re right maybe we could never be friends because I would never be friends with someone responsible for my best friend trying to kil” the phone hung up. Kil- what did that mean? Surely not kill? Kill what? Kill who? Yourself? No. You wouldn’t? He guessed a breakdown could lead to that. But not you. Never you. Steve was just trying to get to him. The men knew each other well, he was just using his weakness like Eddie had used Steve’s. The words meant nothing surely. Rage started filling his body, along with fear and anxiety. He needed to get it out. To curse out the world. Steve. You. Himself. He flipped the table in front of him but it wasn’t enough. So he destroyed everything in his sight but none of it was enough. None of it helped. None of it answered his questions.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this. Yikes Steve and Eddie’s relationship has really gone sour :( I liked that I didn’t just have to write y/n and Eddie arguing/hating each-other for once.

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[dreamgirlvibes]

hi! this is kind of a serious question but i need some advice on navigating racism in a godly way. people can be so mean and hateful that it makes me want to be the same way. i don't like the idea of extending grace to people who are evil like that because the trauma i experience (or have experienced) hits deep and affects my way of living mentally. it's all just so overwhelming and at times i feel defenceless living in a predominately white area. i don't want to pass down hatred because i know i'm destined for greatness, yk? i don't want bigoted people to ruin that for me but i also have trouble finding a middle ground. how can i stand my ground as a child of God? what's the best thing for me to do?

Thank you in advance!

Hey love, first of all, thank you for being so open and vulnerable with your question. What you're feeling is completely valid—navigating racism, especially when it’s so deeply personal and traumatic, is incredibly painful. It’s understandable to feel anger, frustration, and even the temptation to respond with the same hatred you’ve received. But it’s also beautiful that you're seeking to honor God and not let those harmful experiences define you or steal your peace.

The first thing I want to say is that your feelings are real and justified. The pain, the trauma—it’s not something that can just be ignored or erased. God sees that, and He’s with you in every moment of hurt. It's also important to recognize that anger and pain don’t make you any less of a child of God. You're allowed to feel and grieve, but God also calls us to a higher way of living—to respond with grace and love, even when it's incredibly hard. That doesn’t mean you have to take abuse silently, but there’s a way to stand firm in your identity without letting bitterness take root.

💕 Here’s a few points that I pray the Holy Spirit will help you understand and navigate through:

1. Remember Who You Are in Christ: You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Your worth doesn’t change based on how others treat you. You are a child of God, destined for greatness—just like you said. Hold onto that truth, especially on the hard days. Your value is in who God says you are, not in the opinions of others. 🫶🏽

2. Grace Doesn’t Mean Accepting Harm: Extending grace to others doesn't mean tolerating hatred or letting people walk all over you. It means refusing to let hatred consume your heart. You can stand up for yourself and speak truth, but you don’t have to let bitterness or hate take root. It’s okay to set boundaries and protect your peace. God wants you to be strong, not defenseless—but also to rise above the negativity without allowing it to define you.

3. Righteous Anger Is Okay: Jesus Himself showed righteous anger when He overturned the tables in the temple (Matthew 21:12-13). Anger in response to injustice is not inherently sinful. What matters is how you process and channel that anger. God’s justice and righteousness are always on our side, and we can trust that He will fight for us in ways we may not even understand.

4. Pray for Those Who Hurt You- This is a hard one, trust me, I KNOW PERSONALLY- but it’s in the Bible for a reason. Jesus teaches us to pray for our enemies and bless those who curse us (Matthew 5:44). That doesn’t mean you condone their actions, but it frees you from carrying the burden of unforgiveness. God can heal your heart and give you the strength to respond in love, even when it’s painful.

5. Find your voice: Standing your ground doesn’t mean being silent in the face of injustice. If you can, speak up—both for yourself and for others who might not have a voice. God has equipped you with strength, wisdom, and courage. Use that power to advocate for what’s right and to be a light in the darkness.

6. Healing is a Journey: The trauma you’ve experienced is real, and healing takes time. Don’t rush yourself. Lean into God during your process—He’s your refuge and your strength. Surround yourself with people who understand and uplift you. And remember, it's okay to seek help, whether through counseling, therapy, or support groups. God can work through these avenues to bring healing.

7. God Has a Plan for You: Despite the pain, God has a unique and beautiful purpose for your life that no one, not even the most bigoted or hateful person, can take away. Don’t let their hate overshadow the greatness that God is preparing in you. Stay rooted in His love and truth, and trust that He will lead you through this difficult season.

Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

This verse speaks to your inherent worth and identity in Christ. No matter what others say or do, you are beautifully and intentionally created by God, and your value doesn’t change based on anyone else’s behavior. 💕🥹

Romans 12:17-21

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

This passage teaches us how to respond to hatred with grace, refusing to repay evil with evil, but instead seeking peace and allowing God to bring justice in His perfect timing. 🙏🏾

Ephesians 6:10-13

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

This verse reminds us that, as children of God, we are equipped with spiritual strength to stand firm, no matter the external challenges or injustices we face. ✨

Matthew 5:44

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

While difficult, Jesus calls us to love even those who are unkind and to pray for those who hurt us. This is not an endorsement of their behavior, but a way to rise above and avoid letting hatred take root in our hearts. 💞

Isaiah 54:17

"No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the Lord.

This verse assures us that God will protect us from every weapon formed against us, including the harmful words and actions of others. He is our defender, and He will vindicate us.

These scriptures remind us of our identity, the strength we have in God, the importance of extending grace, and God’s promise to stand with us through every injustice. You are never alone, and you can trust Him to fight for you.

You are so much more than the hatred you encounter. Your future is bright, and your resilience in the face of all this is a testament to the strength God has placed within you. Keep your eyes on Him, stand firm in your identity, and know that you are never alone in this.

I’m praying for you and standing with you, beautiful. Keep shining. You’re destined for greatness. 💕 here for you. 🙏🏾

[influencingforjohn]

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you with a broken heart, seeking comfort and guidance after this breakup. Help me to trust in Your sovereignty and goodness, even when I don't understand (Romans 8:28).

Forgive me for any mistakes or hurt I may have caused, and help me to forgive my former partner (Matthew 6:14-15). Release me from any bitterness or anger, and fill me with Your peace and love (Galatians 5:22-23).

As I grieve the loss of this relationship, remind me that You are near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Help me to find my identity and worth in You, not in human relationships (Ephesians 2:10).

Give me wisdom to learn from this experience and grow closer to You (James 1:2-4). May this season of singleness be an opportunity for spiritual growth, reflection, and renewal.

In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

[heelsandhalos]

Good morning everyone 🌸✨️

I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed Memorial Day weekend. Who else is glad all the pools are finally open?! I know I am.

Let's get into this morning's devotional. 🌸✨️

Subject: Rejoicing in God's Salvation

Scripture:

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." 🌸✨️

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

Devotional:

Zephaniah 3 is a powerful chapter that speaks of God's judgment and restoration. It highlights both His justice and His immense love for His people. One of the most beautiful themes in this passage is the joy and salvation that God brings to His people, reassuring us of His presence and delight in us.🌸✨️

In Zephaniah 3:17, we are reminded that God is with us as a Mighty Warrior who saves. This verse reveals the tender and compassionate nature of God, who takes great delight in us and rejoices over us with singing. It is a vivid portrayal of God's love and the joy He finds in His relationship with us, showcasing His desire to be close to His people. ✝️🌸✨️

Understanding that God rejoices over us transforms our perception of His love and our worth. It reminds us that we are cherished and valued by our Creator, who delights in us and longs to save and restore us. This divine joy and salvation bring hope and encouragement, especially during times of difficulty and uncertainty. 🌸✨️✝️

As we reflect on God's rejoicing love, we are called to respond with gratitude and joy. This means embracing our identity as His beloved children, finding strength and comfort in His presence, and sharing the message of His salvation with others. The more we grasp the depth of God's delight in us, the more we are moved to live lives that reflect His joy and love. 🌸✨️

Reflection Questions:

1. How does knowing that God rejoices over you with singing impact your self-image and your relationship with Him?

2. In what ways can you reflect God's joy and love to others in your daily life?

3. What specific aspects of God's salvation mentioned in Zephaniah 3 are you most thankful for?

Closing Prayer:

Dear Lord, thank You for the incredible love and joy You have for us. Help us to fully embrace the truth that You rejoice over us and to live each day in the light of Your salvation. Teach us to reflect Your joy and love to others, that they may see Your goodness through us. Strengthen our faith and deepen our relationship with You. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen. 🙏🌸✨️

Group Activity:

Take a few moments to write down the ways in which you have experienced God's salvation and joy in your life. Share these experiences with the group and discuss how they have shaped your understanding of God's love and delight in you. Conclude by praying for one another, asking God to help each person feel His joy more deeply and to be a conduit of that joy in their daily lives.

Thank you all. I hope you have a blessed and joyful day. 🌸✨️

Image by Heels and Halos (@heelsandhalosofficial)

[sharri-byfaith]

Overcoming Spiritual Warfare: Finding Victory in Christ

In the journey of faith, there are times when our spirit wrestles with our flesh, and the enemy seeks to sow seeds of doubt and discouragement in our hearts. It's during these challenging moments that we must stand firm in the truth of God's word and wield the weapons of our spiritual warfare. Here's how to combat the lies of the enemy and find victory in Christ:

Identify the Enemy's Tactics: The devil is described as the "father of lies" (John 8:44), and his primary strategy is to deceive and discourage God's people. When negative thoughts and doubts assail your mind, recognize them as the enemy's attempts to undermine your faith and steal your peace.

Speak Truth in Jesus' Name: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." - James 4:7. When the enemy tries to convince you that God has forgotten you or that you're unworthy of His love, boldly declare the truth of God's word. Command those thoughts to flee in the name of Jesus, for His authority is greater than any lie of the enemy.

Remember Your Identity in Christ: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." - 1 Peter 2:9. When the enemy seeks to attack your identity and worth, remind yourself of who you are in Christ. You are chosen, redeemed, and dearly loved by God, and nothing can separate you from His love (Romans 8:38-39).

Put on the Armor of God: "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." - Ephesians 6:11. Equip yourself with the spiritual armor described in Ephesians 6:10-18, including the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. By putting on this armor, you will be able to withstand the enemy's attacks and stand firm in your faith.

Seek Support and Prayer: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2. Don't face spiritual battles alone. Reach out to fellow believers who can pray for you, offer encouragement, and speak truth into your life. Together, you can find strength and victory in Christ.

Abide in God's Presence: "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you." - Isaiah 26:3. Spend time in prayer, worship, and meditation on God's word. As you abide in His presence, He will fill you with His peace and strength, enabling you to overcome every trial and temptation.

In conclusion, when your spirit is at war with your flesh, and the enemy seeks to sow doubt and discouragement in your heart, stand firm in the truth of God's word. Command the lies of the enemy to flee in Jesus' name, remember your identity in Christ, and put on the armor of God. By seeking support from fellow believers and abiding in God's presence, you can experience victory over spiritual warfare and walk in the freedom and power of Christ.

Sharri Van Zyl

05-03-2024

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: March

this month I am keeping it QUICK and I am keeping it DIRTY. mostly the former, because I've only managed to finish four (four!!!!) books this month so I Do Not have a lot to say. please pray for a more fruitful April.

what have I been reading?

Babel, or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution (R.F. Kuang, 2022) - first of all I must once again thank the unfathomably generous @fabledshadow for sending me a copy of this gorgeous book FOR KEEPSIES at absolutely no charge. I genuinely feel so lucky to have a copy on my shelf now, because Babel is a book that's 100% worth the hype. it's an absolutely brilliant alternate magic history, where the British empire is chugging along consuming the world with one small change: magic, powered by the power of the translated word. from this relatively simple premise Kuang launches into a relentless interrogation of colonialism, power, and assimilation. our protagonist Robin and his friends in the translation department - Ramy, an Indian Muslim; Victoire, a Black Haitian; and Letty, a white Englishwoman - all grapple with the allure of achievement within the white patriarchy of Oxford, as well as the question of what to do when you realize the system you gave your life was never going to love you back. after countless stories of milquetoast centrist both-sideism Babel was a thundering read, and I relished its rage slowly building up in little outrages to a bloody dynamite ending.

Hijab Butch Blues (Lamya H, 2023) - a really heartfelt and thought-provoking memoir that I could not put down. Lamya (a pen name the author uses; her identity is unknown) makes fascinating connections between stories from the Quran and her own experiences growing up Muslim, closeted, queer, and Othered anywhere she went. I especially loved an early chapter in which Lamya lays out her reasons for resonating with a young Maryam, mother of Jesus, as a despondently depressed teen, and describes her sense that Maryam must also be a dyke. Lamya really excels here, empathizing with all the most long-suffering religious figures and finding interpretations that make that suffering make sense, finding ways out and through the pain into a better ending. as with any essay collection that draws on saying x is sort of like y, the connections sometimes feel a little tenuous, but through a lot of thorny, complicated feelings this memoir manages to feel like a little bubble of meditative calm that was an absolute balm to read.

Get A Life, Chloe Brown (Talia Hibbert, 2019) - this month's romance novel was also my first foray into heterosexualty, and I have to say: not impressed! the titular Chloe Brown is, I'm going to be real with you, kind of the worst; I can obviously excuse the trust issues that stem from being abandoned by her fiance and friends after becoming chronically ill, and taking no shit from nosy neighbors performing the classic microaggression of touching Chloe's hair, but it's also casually noted that after an elderly neighbor in her apartment complex mistakenly took Chloe's mail Chloe retaliated by dumping hot tea into the neighbor's mailbox? unhinged. her love interest, Red, is also a mess; he's presented as a "bad boy" per the back cover blurb, but all that ever really amounts to is him having a motorcycle, many tattoos, and a lower class upbringing. class is a recurring point of tension between Chloe, who comes from a fabulously wealthy family, and Red, who's got some #trauma from a previous wealthy girlfriend who once stabbed him with a fork, but it plays out in remarkably silly ways. during one memorable (in a bad way) scene the pair enter an art gallery where the wealthy patrons all immediately turn and glare at Red for the crime of [checks notes] wearing a flannel, acting physically afraid of him as if they can smell the poverty wafting off. the sex scenes are mid (points for Red jacking off, though I wish the narration hadn't made a point of noting his hefty sac) and the romance plotline just isn't hefty enough to carry an entire novel, since there's no REAL conflict except for Chloe and Red's refusal to get along with each other. when the third act misunderstanding arrives it's gnarly, with Red screaming vile accusations at Chloe before immediately changing his mind and bombarding her with gifts until she takes him back. there are stories where I can overlook that kind of thing, but a book where I was bored for the first 95% and have no investment in the characters ain't it.

How Far the Light Reaches: A Life in Ten Sea Creatures (Sabrina Imbler, 2023) - if you guys know anything about me you know that 1.) I love the sea and all her creatures and 2.) I'm a big ol' homo, so this queer memoir-in-essays had me extremely excited. Imbler is a tremendous essayist, drawing connections between their life and cuttlefish, whales, and salps with a striking mix of appreciation and exactitude. Imbler marvels without getting maudlin, always shying away at the tasteful point well before their speculation becomes full anthropomorphization. I was particularly taken with "My Mother and the Starving Octopus," a painfully familiar reflection upon the uncomfortable relationship with food and weight that's so often passed from mother to daughter, and "Beware the Sand Striker," a thoughtful pontification on sexual violence and the murky places where consent is unclear. Imbler thrives in ambiguity: the ongoing question of their own biracial identity and what it means to them, the metamorphosis of their own gender, the beauty to be found even in aggressively invasive goldfish species. it's fitting that a life represented through the ocean - deep and dark, ever-changing and largely unexplored - is comfortable not having rock solid answers to everything, and I loved joining Imbler in that gentle, shifting space.

what am I reading now?

Necropolitics (Achille Mbembe, 2011) - this book is so smart and I am so dumb :/

The Priory of the Orange Tree (Samantha Shannon, 2019) - I finally started this stupid fucking behemoth of a book and I'm enraged to report that I'll probably really like it. unfortunately I almost immediately to put it on pause while I try to finish 869000 other books :/

White Noise (Don DeLillo, 1985) - every once in a while I venture away from my safe TBR list; this one crossed my path thanks to a coworker who's reading it for a class and lent me her copy. I have no idea how to explain this without making it sound awful but it's a fascinating read.

Cursed Bunny (Bora Chung, trans. Anton Hur, 2022) - my interest in this short story collection was piqued when I saw a writer describe it as some of the grossest shit they've ever read, and I'll be honest: the story I've gotten around to is some of the grossest shit I've ever read. dead dove, do not eat.

[yayroos]

got this notif on my sideblog. a little while ago as you can see.

I've let the blog go dormant but it still gets notes every once in a while on a couple of posts that got popular over the years.

Do that math. Late 2023 - 8 years makes late 2015.

Gotta say, not the best possible time to be a kid with a brand new ace pride blog and no idea how fucking vile the internet could be

(it was asexual-and-proud for several years before i came to terms with and eventually came to prioritise my aromanticism over my asexuality)

I still don't know completely how i feel about everything that went down on that blog. I'm proud it's still up, with record of at least some of the last 8 years worth of ace and aro community on this website.

There's things on there you'd struggle to find anywhere else, with how many blogs were deleted or privated. For that reason if nothing else I'm unlikely to ever get rid of that sideblog, and I hope it can be some kind of artefact in future of that era.

But i can barely bring myself to look at it anymore. The handful of times i have i've been drawn to the delete button, so i can erase the risk of all that shit coming back down on me and on us.

I'm not gonna rehash shit that happened because I'm tired but fucking jesus it was bad.

i don't really have a point here, other than to say

a) fuck you if you were an exclusionist, and especially if you've never apologised

b) double extra bonus fuck you if you're still discoursing about whatever queer identity is cool to hate now

and c) up yours, I'm still here and so is my blog.

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

21st March >> Fr. Martin's Reflections / Homilies on Today's Mass Readings (Inc. John 8:51-59) for Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent: ‘Before Abraham ever was, I am’.

Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

Gospel (Except USA) John 8:51-59 Your father Abraham saw my Day and was glad.

Jesus said to the Jews:

‘I tell you most solemnly, whoever keeps my word will never see death.’

The Jews said, ‘Now we know for certain that you are possessed. Abraham is dead, and the prophets are dead, and yet you say, “Whoever keeps my word will never know the taste of death.” Are you greater than our father Abraham, who is dead? The prophets are dead too. Who are you claiming to be?’ Jesus answered:

‘If I were to seek my own glory that would be no glory at all; my glory is conferred by the Father, by the one of whom you say, “He is our God” although you do not know him. But I know him, and if I were to say: I do not know him, I should be a liar, as you are liars yourselves. But I do know him, and I faithfully keep his word. Your father Abraham rejoiced to think that he would see my Day; he saw it and was glad.’

The Jews then said, ‘You are not fifty yet, and you have seen Abraham!’ Jesus replied:

‘I tell you most solemnly, before Abraham ever was, I Am.’

At this they picked up stones to throw at him; but Jesus hid himself and left the Temple.

Gospel (USA) John 8:51-59 Your father, Abraham, rejoiced because he saw my day.

Jesus said to the Jews: “Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever keeps my word will never see death.” So the Jews said to him, “Now we are sure that you are possessed. Abraham died, as did the prophets, yet you say, ‘Whoever keeps my word will never taste death.’ Are you greater than our father Abraham, who died? Or the prophets, who died? Who do you make yourself out to be?” Jesus answered, “If I glorify myself, my glory is worth nothing; but it is my Father who glorifies me, of whom you say, ‘He is our God.’ You do not know him, but I know him. And if I should say that I do not know him, I would be like you a liar. But I do know him and I keep his word. Abraham your father rejoiced to see my day; he saw it and was glad.” So the Jews said to him, “You are not yet fifty years old and you have seen Abraham?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, before Abraham came to be, I AM.” So they picked up stones to throw at him; but Jesus hid and went out of the temple area.

Reflections (10)

(i) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

It is often worth reflecting on the questions that people ask Jesus in the gospels. We have one such question in today’s gospel reading. The religious leaders of the time ask Jesus, ‘Who are you claiming to be?’ It is a question we could all ask, ‘Who does Jesus claim to be?’ In response to this question Jesus claims to have a special relationship with God as his Father, ‘my glory is conferred by the Father… I know him and I faithfully keep his word’. He goes on to say that he existed before Abraham, the ancestor of the Jewish people, ‘I tell you most solemnly, before Abraham ever was, I Am’. Indeed, according to the opening verse of this fourth gospel, Jesus existed before creation. ‘In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God’, and the gospel immediately goes on to state, ‘All things came into being through him’. This is who Jesus claims to be and people struggled to grasp the richness, the fullness, of his identity. That is true of all of us today. There is always so much more to Jesus than we realize. We spend our lives seeking him, trying to come to know him better, growing in our relationship with him, so that, in the words of today’s gospel reading, we can keep his word, live according to his word, and, thereby, find life. That call to keep seeking the Lord is well expressed in today’s psalm, ‘Constantly seek his face’. One of the ways we do that is in prayer. In prayer we seek the Lord who is constantly seeking us. Through our prayer we come to know more fully who the Lord claims to be, who he really is.

And/Or

(ii) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

Jesus makes many great promises in the gospel of John and we find one of them in this morning’s gospel reading, ‘whoever keeps my word will never know the taste of death’. Jesus declares that his words are the source of life, and if we listen to his word and try to live by it then we will share in God’s own life, here and now and, more fully, beyond the moment of our physical death. Elsewhere in John’s gospel, Peter says to Jesus, ‘you have the words of eternal life’. In this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus declares that he faithful keeps his Father’s word. Our calling is to faithfully keep Jesus’ word. Our relationship with Jesus is to be modelled on his relationship with the Father. If we faithfully keep Jesus’ word, as he faithfully kept his Father’s word, then we will know its life-giving power in our lives. We greatly value the gift of the Eucharist, because it is the bread of life. We equally value the Lord’s word, because it is the word of life.

And/Or

(iii) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

In this morning’s gospel reading the Jews ask Jesus the question, ‘Are you greater than our father, Abraham?’ It was inconceivable to them that anyone could be greater than Abraham, or greater than Moses for that matter. In the course of his reply to that question Jesus says, ‘I tell you solemnly, before Abraham ever was, I am’. Jesus claims to have existed before Abraham. That saying of Jesus brings us back to the opening sentence of John’s gospel, ‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God’. The evangelist was aware that such an extraordinary claim could not be made of anyone else, not even Abraham. We look to Jesus as the one who was with God before the creation of the world, who was God, and who became flesh for our sakes, and in becoming flesh, became obedient unto death, even death on a cross, in the words of Saint Paul. That is the extraordinary paradox at the heart of our faith, that the crucified one is none other than the Word who was with God in the beginning, before Abraham was. Next week is Holy Week when we reflect on this paradox and bow before its mystery.

And/Or

(iv) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

The passion and death of Jesus was the climax of the hostility that some people directed at Jesus. That hostility is very evident in this morning’s gospel reading. The Jewish leaders were ready to stone Jesus for what he had been saying. It is a paradox that Jesus who was put to death came for one purpose only, to give life, to draw people into the life of God. He declares to his hostile audience in this morning’s gospel reading, ‘whoever keeps my word will never see death... will never know the taste of death’. It is an extraordinary promise. If we hear the Lord’s word and live by it we will never lose the life that his word gives us. We will of course experience physical death, but if we give ourselves over to the Lord’s word we will begin to live with a life which even physical death will not destroy. The life Jesus speaks about is the fruit of our relationship with him, and that relationship is not broken by death but, on the contrary, deepens beyond death.

And/Or

(v) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

In this morning’s gospel reading Jesus says that he does not seek his own glory but that his glory is conferred by his Father. In that culture, seeking glory, honour, renown for oneself was a very important value. In this regard, as in so many other ways, Jesus stood against the culture. He did not seek glory for himself but he trusted in God to give him glory in God’s own time. He was critical of those who sought glory from others, who looked for earthly honours. In this morning’s gospel reading Jesus says, ‘I faithfully keep his word (God’s word)’. This was the driving force of Jesus’ life, not seeking glory for himself from others. He knew that if he faithfully kept God’s word, he would receive glory from God. The driving force of Jesus’ life is to be the driving force of all of our lives. Our primary desire as Jesus’ followers is to faithfully keep God’s word, as he did. If we keep trying to be faithful to God’s word, as spoken and lived by Jesus, then we are assured that we will receive glory from God; we will be honoured by God, and this is the only glory and honour worth having.

And/Or

(vi) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

In last Monday’s gospel reading, the religious leaders were ready to stone a woman whom they had brought to Jesus. In this morning’s gospel reading, the same group pick up stones in order to stone Jesus. They wanted to stone the woman because she had sinned by committing adultery; they wanted to stone Jesus because of the claims that he was making for himself, such as his claim that he existed before Abraham was born. This would have been considered by them as the sin of blasphemy. A certain kind of religious conviction can express itself in violence towards others who are perceived to be sinners for one reason or another. We are very aware of that phenomenon today. The worshippers of a certain kind of God feel obliged to kill those who are perceived as worshipping a very different God to their own. In contrast, genuine religion drives people to seek communion with those who are very different from them. Jesus was not stoned on this occasion, but as we know he would eventually be crucified. Yet, God would raise Jesus from the dead and send him back into the world where he had been crucified to continue proclaiming his message of God’s love for the world, including for those who crucified God’s Son. This is the God whom we are called to reveal in our lives. We are to bear witness to God the Life-Giver. In the power of the Spirit, we are to be live-givers, even to those who wish us harm.

And/Or

(vii) Thursday, Fifth week of Lent

In the gospel reading Jesus makes an extraordinary claim that leads the Jewish leaders to want to stone him, ‘Before Abraham was, I am’. This claim of Jesus in the fourth gospel is in keeping with the opening line of that gospel, ‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God’. Jesus existed with God in the beginning, before the creation of the world. He was before Abraham was, indeed, before anything had come into being. Yet, the Word who was with God in the beginning became flesh. He became like us in all things, except sin. While on earth, he remained with God. Having returned to God through his death and resurrection, he remains with us. He is now both with God and with us. He is uniquely placed to bring us the life of God, a life without end. That is why he can make the promise he makes in today’s gospel reading, ‘whoever keeps my word will never know the taste of death’. It is an extraordinary promise. Surely, we will all know the taste of death. Yes, we will all know physical death, as Jesus did, but Jesus is speaking about spiritual or ultimate death. He is promising us that those who keep his word will never know this kind of death. They will begin to share in God’s life here and now, a life that endures beyond physical death. If we entrust ourselves to the Lord, if we allow his word to shape our lives, then, according to the gospel reading today, we will begin to live with a life which will not be interrupted by physical death. This life, which begins now, is a life of communion with the Lord, and that communion will not be broken by death but, rather, deepened beyond it.

And/Or

(viii) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

In today’s gospel reading, from the fourth gospel, Jesus is portrayed as making an extraordinary claim for himself, ‘I tell you most solemnly, before Abraham ever was, I Am’. Jesus’ statement can be understood against the background of the opening verse of this fourth gospel, ‘In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God’. The evangelist is claiming that Jesus, the Word of God, was with God in that mysterious moment before the beginning of creation. If that is true, then Jesus is obviously before Abraham ever was. We have been reading from the fourth gospel for nearly two weeks now, and this gospel makes claims for Jesus that go beyond the claims of any of the other three gospels. It is the latest gospel to be written and it represents the fruit of much reflection over many years as to the identity of Jesus. It is perhaps not surprising that this gospel ends with the statement that if everything Jesus did were written down, ‘the world itself could not contain the books that would be written’. In other words, there is more to Jesus than a world full of books could express. We might be tempted to think that there is less to Jesus than the gospels give us. Perhaps, they have exaggerated who Jesus is. However, it is certainly the conviction of the fourth evangelist and, probably of the other three evangelists, that their written gospel is only a small window onto a mystery that cannot be fully expressed in words. Jesus is even more attractive, more mysterious, than the gospels present him. We will only come to know the Lord in all his fullness when we encounter him in eternity. In the meantime, we are thankful to God for the gospels which give us such wonderful access to the Lord, God’s Word in human form.

And/Or

(ix) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

The notion of someone being stoned to death is abhorrent to us. It still happens in those few places where Sharia Law is operative. Yet, thankfully, we consider such behaviour to belong to a past age. It wasn’t uncommon in the time of Jesus. You may recall that Stephen, the first Christian martyr, was stoned to death. In today’s gospel reading, Jesus’ opponents wanted to inflict the same fate on him, ‘at this they picked up stones to throw at him’, presumably with a view to killing him. It was a precursor of Jesus’ crucifixion. What aroused such deadly anger from some people towards Jesus were the claims he was making for himself. There are two powerful claims Jesus makes for himself in today’s gospel, one at the beginning and the other at the end of the reading, ‘whoever keeps my word will never see death’, and ‘before Abraham ever was, I am’. Jesus was claiming to pre-exist Abraham and declaring that whoever believed in him would exist beyond this earthly life. They would never experience ultimate death. These claims, for believers, rather than arousing anger bring great consolation. According to John’s gospel, Jesus pre-existed the universe. ‘In the beginning was the Word’. He came from another world, the world above, into this world. The Word became flesh. He offered the life of this other world, eternal life, to all who believed in him, to all who opened their lives to his coming. His journey from this world back to his heavenly Father was a journey that all who believe in him would also travel. This is good news which brings meaning and joy to our lives.

And/Or

(x) Thursday, Fifth Week of Lent

The prophet Isaiah speaks of Abraham as the rock from which the people of Israel were hewn. No one in the whole story of the people of Israel was greater than Abraham. The question that the Jewish leaders put to Jesus was almost in disbelief, ‘Are you greater than our Father, Abraham?’ It was as if they were saying to Jesus, ‘You can’t seriously be claiming to be greater than our Father, Abraham?’ Jesus replied as one whose Father was God, ‘my glory is conferred by the Father’. As Son of God, Jesus is indeed greater than Abraham. As the Son who was with God in the beginning, before anything or anyone was created, Jesus was certainly greater than Abraham. ‘Before Abraham ever was, I am’. There was so much more to Jesus than to Abraham. It comes as no surprise to hear that on hearing such talk, the Jewish authorities picked up stones to stone him. The claims that Jesus was making for himself were experienced as a threat to the religious tradition of the time. The claims that Jesus makes for himself in the gospels, especially in the gospel of John, can never be fully contained by any religious tradition, including our own Christian tradition. There is always more to Jesus than we can give expression to in our own religious tradition. That ‘more’ need not be experienced as threatening in any way, but rather as a source of consolation. The Lord is more loving, more merciful, more just, more powerful, than we could ever imagine. Because the Lord is more than we could ever imagine him to be, we can entrust ourselves to his care and guidance with total confidence. If we do that, especially in these dark times, we will discover that the Lord will not disappoint us or let us down.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[ebexplore]

Finding Worth in Christ

One of humanity's deepest pursuits is finding our identity–we want to know who we are! It’s often tempting to seek definition and significance in a world that offers a myriad of labels. But when we chase validation in temporary sources, hoping they'll define us, we only find fleeting satisfaction.

In 2 Corinthians 5:21, Paul describes an eternal identity gifted to us by Christ: "For our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Jesus took on the weight of all sin—absorbing its penalty—without ever sinning Himself. He did this so that we might be reconciled to God with a new identity defined by Christ's righteousness, not our own and not this world. Christ has sacrificially given us a new identity and purpose.

Our yearning for identity can only find its fulfillment in Christ. We are recipients of His righteousness. And in Him, our identity is forever secure.

Consider today how this truth shapes your sense of worth. Are you seeking worldly validation, or are you resting in Jesus’ righteousness? How might recognizing your identity in Christ transform how you view yourself and interact with the world?

[feedingtheflockministry]

Living and Dying

By Danny Saavedra

What an interesting dichotomy of thoughts the apostle Paul presents in Philippians 1! First, we’re told that Paul is in prison, but he’s joyful about it because his chains have served to advance the gospel. Then, in verses 18–26, Paul breaks down his thought process concerning his own life. He says that all of this has worked out for his deliverance, giving him “sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”

Translation? Paul knew his deliverance would either come in freedom from prison to continue to do the work God had for him or in freedom from this fallen world into the presence of Christ forever! In light of this, Paul makes one of the most powerful statements ever recorded: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Jesus Christ is our life. He’s everything good, beautiful, and wonderful. In Him, we find our identity, belonging, and purpose. Our chief end and divine design are to know Jesus, enjoy a relationship with Him, and make Him known. Apart from Christ, life cannot exist and is not worth anything. To live in this world is to live fully in Christ and for Christ.

Paul didn’t desire to advance himself, live his best life, or seize the day. He desired to be with Jesus, grow in Jesus, know Jesus as intimately as possible, and glorify Jesus. And if it was God’s will for Paul to best glorify Jesus by laying down his life, then Paul would be well pleased by the opportunity. Because for the Christian, death is not a defeat but graduation to glory! It’s of infinite and ultimate gain (kerdos: profit, advantage, a winning trade). How so? Because then we will have true, eternal union with Christ without our sinful human nature standing in the way. We’ll be free from distractions, sin, perils, pain, decay, and death. Christ will be right before us to behold with our eyes and worship at His feet. As 2 Corinthians 5:8 (NKJV) says, "To be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”

Paul’s experience in prison—seeing how Jesus had used his chains to advance the gospel, embolden believers, and grow the kingdom in a way he hadn’t previously considered—had cemented for him the understanding that Christ would be exalted whether by his life or death, giving him the “sufficient courage” to face possible death without hesitation, reservation, or regret.

Friends, I pray Paul’s statement would be on every Christian’s heart and mind as they wake up and go to sleep! In the morning, may we pray, “Thank You for this new day, Lord. May everything I do today be for Your glory. And through it, I pray I grow deeper into a loving and close relationship with You.” And in the evening, may we pray, “Lord, I pray for Your will. If I’m granted a new day tomorrow, may it be to Your glory. If You choose to call me home tonight, I will enter eternity with joy to be in Your presence!”

Pause: As you consider the rest of your life, what do you feel God would want to accomplish through you? What would you like to do in the name of Jesus with the time you have left?

Practice: Begin the simple practice of praying something similar to what’s stated above in the morning and evening. Pray this with gratitude and humility, surrendered to His will and out of loving devotion.

YouVersion Bible plan Philippians Whatever happen