#when i say this whole universe lives in my head rent-free i mean it

[nohva]

Zoro drunkenly (or while tipsy) confesses his love to Sanji one night but, in the same breath, tells him it’s okay—he knows Sanji is straight and is fine with them remaining "only" crewmates, he just had to get these feelings out of his system. And Sanji is overwhelmed because ???? Where is this even coming from? Why is the mosshead suddenly saying these things? This isn’t how their relationship is supposed to work. They don’t do the whole talking thing, especially not about serious topics?? When they have emotions to work through they fight each other, maybe throw in an insult or two. But this? This is unfamiliar territory for Sanji, so he’s really not sure how to react, much less respond.

So he doesn’t; he just stares at Zoro, his mouth opening and closing. Zoro takes that as his sign, gets up from the stairs he’d been sitting on, and leaves for the sleeping quarters. It is quite late, after all.

The next morning while preparing breakfast Sanji is oh so tense. He’s still mostly confused because there’s just no way the green-haired brute could harbor any such feelings toward another human being—least of all him—could he? And what if this does change things? Zoro said it wouldn’t, but who's to say?

And Zoro acts like nothing ever happened, he's just the same old moss ball that drinks too much Sake and takes way too many naps during the day and Sanji is so confused and he's getting angry now, because how can he act so nonchalant while the cook is over here losing his god damn mind over this? Does Zoro maybe not remember confessing? Had he been that drunk?

And obviously Zoro DOES remember, and he's NOT calm at all. He's freaking out internally every time he and Sanji are in the same room, but he'd rather lose his remaining eye than have anyone notice. So he does his best to play it cool. And yeah, maybe he takes a nap or two more than usual, and maybe he spends even more time working out in the crow's nest than is strictly necessary, but that is nobody’s business but his own, isn’t it?

Bla bla bla cue Sanji questioning the universe and his existence, freaking out over his sexuality, sloooowly coming to terms with it and then freaking out again about telling Zoro and what it means for the crew dynamic etc etc.

Also Robin being somewhere in the background of the story, smiling to herself, sipping on her tea, because of course she knows something is up, and she has a pretty good idea of what it is about, even if she doesn’t know the whole story, because she knows pretty much everything that’s going on on the sunny, cause she’s the responsible older sister™️.

————————————————————-

I have never attempted to write anything before, not even a rough draft like this, but Zosan has been living in my head rent free for the past few months now, and once the idea for a possible plot popped up in my mind I absolutely needed to note it down. Oh well, I hope I am not embarrassing myself too much by posting this.

Anyways, this is the most I can offer due to a lack of actual literary skills, but I still hope you enjoyed!

The obligatory English isn’t my first language speech: please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes, I tried my best, I swear!

[love-quinn]

—PEACE OF MIND

summary — when carmen finds out that you're putting yourself in danger to come in to your waitressing job at the bear, he admittedly gets pissed. he's not super proud of his reaction, but the two of you manage to work something out to ease his worries.

warnings — swearing, mentions of customers being assholes, the implication that if reader isn't being fed at the restaurant she doesn't eat due to money reasons, very brief mentions/implications of the possibility of reader being attacked at night

pairing — carmen berzatto x fem!waitress reader, not established relationship

pronouns — she/her, reader is HEAVILY implied to be female, also there's technically no pronouns in this one but i consider this to be the same waitress reader as my last one which does have pronouns

word count — 1.9k

note — this can 10000% be read as a standalone but i do have another carmy x waitress fic here that i think takes place kinda in the same universe if you wanna check that one out?? i hope u enjoy <333

If you were somebody who wasn’t a fan of the cold, then Chicago wasn’t the city for you. It’s one of your least favourite parts of living in Illinois, having to wear four layers to bed if you don't want to freeze in your sleep. Your apartment doesn’t have proper heating because proper heating is for rich people, apparently. You barely make enough to afford rent as it is. 

You’re doing fine. You make rent and utilities, you eat lunch and dinner at the restaurant most days. You’re not swimming in gold coins by no means, but you’re fine. That’s the reason you show up early to every single shift, if you’re being honest, you’re guaranteed at least a sandwich. 

The fact that it makes you look like a dedicated employee doesn’t hurt either.

Even when you have to trek from the train platform after getting off the L. You’re not the first person punching in the code to the service entrance that afternoon, but the kitchen is free of yelling. Sydney’s at the end of the line, it’s her shift for Family, and she flashes you a smile as you shove your duffel into your locker.

It’s not raining outside but the air is so cold and damp outside, and you dab your face with a towel. The kitchen is so much warmer than outside that for a moment it’s uncomfortable. Sydney watches you out of the corner of her eye as she sautes a collection of vegetables. “Are you alright? Is it wet out there?”

You shake your head, grabbing your apron and using the mirror you hung up on the back of your door to fix your appearance. “Just cold, sorry. I’ll be fine. You get in okay?”

Sydney nods, holding out a spoon for you, hand cupped to prevent anything from landing on the floor. You don’t question it, opening your mouth and accepting the sauce while trying to minimise the contact between your mouth and the spoon as much as possible. “Fuck, that’s good. Is there sesame oil in there?”

You didn’t know a whole lot about food if you were honest, there’s a reason that you’re not a member of the kitchen staff. But Sydney’s been teaching you slowly but surely how to recognise different flavours, which ones go best together, which ones don’t.

Her eyes light up. “Yes! You like it?”

You shut your locker, moving to stand right behind her. Your chin lands on her shoulder, watching the way she rotates her medley of ingredients. You and Sydney have started becoming actual friends rather than just work friends, the two of you went out to dinner last Sunday, miraculously neither of you had to work. “Love it, need any help?”

“No, you’re all good. Go find Richie, I’m sure he needs help with whatever shit he’s doing.”

You leave her alone with a squeeze on the elbow, heading out into the dining room to find Richie. Richie isn’t out there but you do find Carmen pulling the chairs off the tables. You don’t bother talking, you and Carmen both appreciate the quiet in a workplace as loud as the restaurant. The second you put the first chair down Carmen is flinching. “You’re early,” he says, trying not to show his irritation.

He’d left the kitchen to feel productive while being alone, but he doesn’t want to yell at you. You deal with that enough. Yelling in the kitchen is natural, it’s fucking loud in there. If he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t get heard. People aren’t moving fast enough, people aren’t using proper technique, they’re running out of ingredients, things are being moved. If Carmen didn’t yell in the kitchen it would probably burn down somehow.

You deal with all that and you have to keep a smile on your face. You get yelled at for mistakes that other people make, and you never yell back. You take it all and yeah, sometimes you need to step out into the kitchen with tears in your eyes, but you cop it all and you go back out there.

You don’t need Carmy yelling at you as well.

You shrug casually, smoothing the tablecloth. “I am a slave to the public transit system.” It’s less embarrassing than admitting you’re trying to save money by eating at work whenever you can. 

Carmen stops at that. He doesn’t know why that’s surprising to him. He’s always here before you and he’s always here after you leave. He assumed he’d never seen your car in the parking lot because of that, but apparently, it’s because you don’t have one. “You took the train here?”

It’s early afternoon and people are turning their headlights on already. The closest train station is a fair walk away and it’s freezing out there. 

You nod, not taking much notice of the change in tone. “Yeah, I usually do.”

Carmen’s abandoned the table he’s dressing to turn around and look at you. It’s almost completely dark outside, it’s the middle of winter. “You walk to work?”

You look up at him. “Yeah, Carm.” You’re really hoping he’ll drop it, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on the way you avoid looking at him. 

“That’s so fucking dumb,” he doesn’t mean to snap, but the mood in the room is frozen now. “It’s like two degrees out there, why the fuck would you do that?” You regret coming out to help him. Usually, this stuff is already done by the time you show up to work, early as usual. 

You put down the last chair at the table you’re working on and brush off your apron. “It’s not like I have any other choice, Carmen,” you’re trying to keep your voice even. The dining room is empty, it’s still, and it feels much more awkward than having the conversation anywhere else would’ve felt. “I don’t really have many other options.” 

You look around the dining room and decide that leaving Carmen to finish setup isn’t an awful fate. 

“Yes, you do!” He doesn’t drop it. His fists are clenched at his side to stop him from flinging his arms up in frustration. “You have so many other options! Why did you pick the fucking stupid one?” You can handle being yelled at. It’s a part of the job. It happens to you every single day without fail. You can handle it.

That doesn’t mean that you have to take it from Carmen, though.

“Stop it,” you don’t raise your voice at him, but you’re not quiet either.

“I just don’t fucking get it,” he huffs. Once he’s started he can’t make himself stop. 

You sigh, loudly. “Yeah, I’m not asking you to, Carmen. Okay, but don’t treat me like garbage because I can’t afford a car.”

That’s the final straw in the conversation with him, and you turn to go back into the kitchen. Maybe Richie will be playing Angry Birds on his phone in the office and he’ll let you watch. Carmen’s frown deepens. “What the fuck are you talking about? Who gives a shit that you can’t afford a car?” He dodges the table he was working on and rushes to follow you. He’s a lot less graceful than you always are with it and that’s without the tray of drinks. “Do you see that shit out there?” He stands in front of you now, pointing a heavy, tattooed arm out at the front window. “It’s fucking Chicago. You can’t be walking here in twenty fucking degrees, honey! Do you not get that? Look at you! If someone pulls a knife on you out there what the fuck are you gonna do?”

You’re frozen in front of him now. He’s throwing so much at you that you don’t know what to say. 

He’s going back to setting up now, but as he turns he blows out a breath. “Get that through your fucking head, yeah?”

That’s the part that frustrates you the most. He does this all the time, he presents you with ten different problems and no solutions. You don’t need Carmen to tell you how to live your life when you’re struggling as it is. “How else do you want me to get to work? It’s either that or you find a new fucking waitress, okay? So can we let it go? What the fuck do you want me to do about it, Carmen? ”

Carmen doesn’t want to let it go. You take the train in the fucking pouring rain and walk every night only to be yelled at by a bunch of assholes over steak. 

“I want you to not walk through Chicago in the middle of the night!” He’s exasperated. “Yesterday you left after eleven, do you know how fucking dangerous that is? Fucking… Fuck?” It comes out as a question. “Why the fuck have you been leaving me here at night to go walk home alone? What the fuck do you think I’m here for?”

You’re getting upset by the yelling, and now that he’s said everything he needs to say he can see that he’s making you visibly panicked. “I don’t know what you want from me!” You let out finally, words exhaling from your chest with force. “Just tell me what you want or stop fucking yelling at me!”

He says your name quietly, letting out a frustrated huff. “Fucking- Okay. Okay.” He runs a hand through his hair and has to bend at the waist, leaning on the table you just fixed up, head buried in his arms. He takes a quick three second breather, trying to force down the ugly bubble of anger that’s rising familiarly to the surface, ready to spill out of his mouth. “If we are at the restaurant together and it’s the middle of the night, and I have a car…” he pauses, trying to give you time to follow along after previously overwhelming you. “... and you don’t.” You blink over at him. “Why the fuck would you not ask me to drive you home?”

“Because you’re my boss?” The answer comes easily, and it almost startles him how quickly you respond. “What? Why are you asking me this?”

Carmen knows, deep down, that he wouldn’t offer the same courtesy to Marcus or Fak or god forbid Richie. Sydney or Tina? If they asked, sure. But he would never stand in front of them in the dining room to yell at them for not asking. He likes to think it’s because he knows you’re different. You don’t yell back, you don’t antagonise him, you don’t push like they do. You handle it, and you’re gentle and you’re soft and for some fucking reason the idea of anything happening to you makes him feel like he has just been mugged in the street. 

“Just,” he waves a hand in front of his face. He can hear Sydney calling out, probably something important knowing her. “Please, honey, promise me that you’ll let me at least drive you to the fucking train station? Okay? For my own peace of mind. How far away from the station do you live?”

You tell him and he’s immediately groaning. “No, alright. I’m driving you home.” He sounds frustrated, not mad at you, but less than pleased. You don’t take it to heart. “Now please, go back inside the kitchen and fucking eat something, you’re giving me an irregular heartbeat.”

[amybizarre]

Nightmare Steve Headcanons!

I have a whole backstory for this mf that lives entirely in my head. Rent free, too! So have some headcanons about him! They deviate greatly from canon, just as a heads up. Can be applied to TSS or RQ, but I like to imagine it is kind of its own universe.

Nightmare wasn't his name from the very get go. He chose it when he became the evil king he is. His birth name is actually Zarin, which means ‘the golden one’.

The reason Nightmare has red eyes is not because he absorbed a red Steve to start off his journey, nono. That's just a creepy tale the elders have made up to make him seem even more evil.

He is actually a halfblood between a Yellow and a Red Steve! He had them since birth!

Unfortunately Yellow Steves are quite prideful and don't take kindly to those of mixed heritage. He's been a social outcast from the beginning. His father, who raised him, too.

Life was tough for the both of them, barely scraping by and always at the verge of being exiled from their kingdom. At least they had each other.

Nightmare's father was very sweet and caring. As Nightmare grew older, he became sick and was the only thing keeping him in the old kingdom. Nightmare stayed with him until the very end, despite being ready to leave everything else behind. Needless to say, he took care of his father just as lovingly as he'd been raised so far.

Although deep inside, he had this boiling hatred for how society had treated them.

On his deathbed, his father wished for Nightmare to make this world a better place. Nightmare swore on his life to make him proud and to change things forever.

After his father's death, Nightmare could finally leave his old kingdom behind. He traveled to the biggest Yellow Kingdom there is, led by King Topas at the time. Since he had no profession and wanted to grow stronger, he enlisted in the military…

Little did he know, his heritage would be his greatest advantage. The Yellow part in him granted him lots of stamina and ability to store large amounts of energy. Whereas the Red part in him allowed him to recharge the spent energy very quickly. He was a powerhouse in the making, a seemingly infinite battery of energy that could hardly be depleted….

Imma leave you with that for now. >:3 More later!

[graendoll]

I'm almost through season 6 of the queer EMT show and I have a couple of thoughts I really need to get off my chest.

Before I dive in I want to share an observation. It feels like there are two tiers of main ensemble cast and I'm basing this on the character development of each of them. Tier 1 feels like its Bobby, Buck and Maddie who have gone through the most dramatic character arcs, while tier 2 is Athena, Hen, and Eddie. I can't decide which group Chim is in tbh and this is hardly scientific so...

The point of all that is that everything else I'm going to say is based off my observation that Buck is more fleshed out and developed as a character than Eddie.

So now to the point!

First, Buck absolutely adores Eddie. Like is definitely 100% in love with the man. I'm only on episode 14 of season 6 so I haven't even gotten to the onscreen bi realization or the coming out scene outside of gifs on this here hell site. But currently, the way Buck looks at Eddie is so fucking heart eyed its ridiculous.

The hysteria when Eddie is in danger - the screaming at the mudslide, the absolute hard reboot at the shooting? Buck is completely beside himself at the idea of losing Eddie. He literally cries on Christopher's shoulder at the thought of losing him and Chris losing his dad.

This is not standard BFF behavior, I'm sorry.

And don't even get me started on the couch metaphor...I have too much to say about that to include it here.

But what I do want to talk about is the coma episode. Because I feel like that episode was a purposeful "no-homo" episode and here's why:

Buck is in an alternate universe and runs to Hen and Chim, sees Maddie and Bobby. But Eddie is literally just referenced once as "the angry guy" and his contribution to the entire episode is to bring Christopher to see Buck while hes unconscious. Which is weird!

Yes, Eddie rescued Buck and yes he tells the medical team to do better than their best, but compared to Buck literally hauling Eddie's limp body into an ambulance? It's a pretty vanilla response.

And then he doesn't show up in alternate Bucks reality. This is, i believe, one part writers trying to no homo the thing and one part writers implying that Eddie and Chris are a replacement for Bucks "real family" which undermines the entire guardian arc in a very weird way. So it definitely seems, during s6 at least, that Buddie was flat out not happening (again...I'm on e14 only).

So if Buck is in love with Eddie through narrative and acting choices (based on recent PR from Oliver S implying hes lowkey played Buck queer) where is Eddie at? What gives?

I'll tell you what gives.

Eddie is the most repressed motherfucker on the planet. Eddie goes to a call involving a vibrator getting stuck in a woman and he barely clocks that's what's happening.

This man has only had missionary sex for the purpose of baby making and it shows. I have definitely HC'd that Eddie is demi but he's also just locked down so tight. No wonder he spent a whole season beating the crap out of random strangers in illegal fights!

So, what's my point?

My POINT is this. Eddie may be queer underneath all that repression, but he has no idea. None. Zero. Zip. Eddie thinks he can't find a wife and mother for Christopher because he's BROKEN, not because he's maybe just not that into women.

And yes, Buck coming out might give him a clue. Tommy being gay might show him something he hasn't really seen in terms of what a gay man looks like. But that Catholic guilt ridden man has a LONG way to go before he will confess to the fact that he wifed up his bisexual BFF because of non-platonic reasons.

We'll see how the story pans out. But anyone who thinks season 7 is going to end in a Buddie romance is likely incredibly wrong. I mean I haven't seen the episodes yet. So give me a week. But it seems unlikely. Eddie's character is in a very different place than Buck.

Doesn't mean these two don't live together in marital bliss rent free in my head though 😜

[lost-in-fandoms]

Your wingfics live rent free in my head. I can't stop thinking about it. They were so good omg. It's such a beautiful universe, so amazing ♥️ Do you plan to write more about it? 🥹♥️ I hope so but if the answer is no, I will read them again and again because I love them ♥️😍

adsfndjd anon you are the sweetest!!! I'm so happy you enjoyed them and were so kind to tell me, I really appreciate it!

Sadly, I can't promise anything for the future tbh. I have been really struggling with getting back into writing after a really long drought, and I'm giving my brain the chance to just put down whatever it fancies, instead of forcing myself to write something specific just for the sake of it. I am always open to be prodded by an ask like this or a prompt though so always feel free to drop by! A lot of the things I write don't actually live in a wider universe, they just spawn out of nowhere, get thrown down on paper, and disappear in the void, but usually I can still create more around it if someone asks. Another reason why I really appreciate you saying this, because for once my wingfic does have a wider universe around it, and I am always glad to put one more snippet into it.

This is little baby Max in his first year in the rbr seat (part 1 and part 2)

cw: mentions of Jos not being a great father related to unsafe and painful wing care practices, description of said practices, littlest blood mention

Max doesn't like his wings.

He doesn't dislikes them either, but if he could get rid of them, he would. First of all, he can't actually use them to fly, his bones aren't hollow and his back muscles aren't powerful enough anyway, so having wings that don't actually work seems like a taunt from the universe. They're also very inconvenient when driving. Papa has taught him how to keep them clipped to lower their weight, and how to keep them tightly bound in an harness to have them take up less space in a kart, but neither of those things is exactly pleasant. Sometimes, when he drives for too long, his whole back spasms because of his wings being constricted, and sometimes when he clips too much, his wings bleed and molting becomes painful.

It's worth it, of course, to be able to race faster and better, but a part of him does wish he just had Papa's fish scales, or even Mama's diaphanous dragonfly wings.

Cleaning his wings is also annoying, because it's hard sometimes to reach all the spots, and after long days on the track it feels like there will be itchy dust and grit clinging onto them forever.

He's not one to get stuck on made-up scenarios, but it doesn't mean he has to like them.

--

Daniel is not the first bird-winged racer he meets, of course, but he is his first teammate. He has a completely different relationship with his wings than Max, always keeping them shiny and clean, no clipping or binding. He seems to love them and to love taking care of them, parading them around and showing them off.

Max doesn't understand. Not that it matters, he doesn't need to understand Daniel to be able to beat him, but. It's not that he's jealous, he's not, but sometimes he feels the heaviness of his wings on his back, skin irritated by the dirt stuck to it, looking patchy where he's taking longer to molt, and he wishes. He wants.

Most of the time though, he knows it's just a waste of time, to care about how they look so much, when it doesn't even matter, when it doesn't affect his driving.

And then one day, Daniel doesn't knock.

Max is carefully peeling his race suit off his shoulders, hissing slightly when it goes over his bound wings, when the door slams open.

"Maxy, hey, have you seen..." Daniel doesn't finish his sentence, eyebrows knotting together, eyes zeroed on Max's back.

Max feels his skin prickling under his gaze and he's almost tempted to do his suit up again, but his wings are aching, and he wants to take a shower, so he just turns around to face Daniel, frowning just as hard.

"What do you want?" he snaps, hating the way he feels his cheeks heat up. He doesn't know why he's reacting like this, he's done nothing wrong, but the way Daniel is looking at him, a mix of unbelieving and horrified, makes him feel ashamed.

"Do you always do that?" Daniel asks instead of answering his question, taking a step forward. Max instinctively takes a step back, bumping into the massage table behind him, hating himself for not standing his ground. It's his driver room, Daniel has no right to judge him in here.

"Do what, Daniel?"

He goes to cross his arms, but the movement tugs on his still trapped wings, making him wince. He wants Daniel to leave, so he can finally finish undressing, but Daniel steps even closer instead.

"Do you always keep your wings like that? Max, that's dangerous!"

Max decides to ignore the worry in Daniel's voice, feeling himself bristle.

"I am of course able to drive safely!"

"Drive?" Daniel gives a short laugh, so different from his usual one Max feels himself shiver. He wishes he had more space to put between them. "I am not talking about driving, I am talking about your wings!"

Max opens his mouth, ready to tell him to leave him alone, when his back spasms, a hot flash of pain traveling from his neck down his spine, wings straining against the constrains, and what comes out is a strangled gasp instead.

A second later, Daniel's hands are on his shoulders, forcing him to turn around with a swear.

"Did you put this on this morning? Let me help you take it off."

Daniel doesn't give him a chance of answering, fingers already working on the buckles on Max's side, as Max scrambles to push him away.

"No, no, you cannot, you have to..." he breathes in sharply as the harness start to loosen, wings cramping as they try to flutter, eyes snapping close.

"Max, you need to..."

"Slow," Max interrupts him, clutching at the straps to keep them from slipping open all at the same time. "You have to, one at a time."

He doesn't open his eyes again as he undoes them carefully, feeling Daniel hover just in front of him, keeping his wings tightly pressed against his back until he can slip the straps over his shoulders and down his waist.

"Max..." Daniel doesn't try to touch him again, but Max can hear the stress in the way his vocal cords curl around his name, mixing it with an involuntary warble.

Max ignores him. This is always the worst part, but he is practiced enough to make it go quickly.

He takes a breath, wrapping his right arm around his waist until he is able to grasp his left wing's tip, and then holds it as he works it open, fingers sliding along the length of it, straightening feathers as they come. Pain shoots through it, his back burning, his shoulders tensing, but when it's fully open, he works to close it again, and then it's done, just a dull ache left behind.

He lets himself take two deep breaths before repeating the whole thing with the other.

When both wings are resting along his back again, he shifts his shoulders, trying to get rid of the tension there, and then finally opens his eyes.

Daniel is looking at him, eyes wide and horrified, mouth slightly open. His hands are shaking. Max doesn't know what to say.

"It is of course fine, see?" is what he settles for, fluttering his wings to prove it. It's slightly painful, especially his left one where he clipped a bit too much and is bleeding a little, but Daniel doesn't need to know that.

"Fine?" Daniel chokes out, eyes widening impossibly more. "You're hurting yourself! That's not safe, Max!"

Max scoffs, letting the harness fall on the massage bed and pulling his undershirt off, carefully easing his wings through the slits in the back.

"I'm fine, Daniel."

For a second, it looks like Daniel is going to scream at him, eyes narrowing and fists closing, and Max wonders if it would be inappropriate for him to flee the room half naked, but then all the fight seems to leave Daniel's body. He sags a little, raising a hand to drag it across his face and sighing, shaking his head to himself.

"Listen, I don't know why you've decided this is the right thing to do to yourself, but you're going to take a shower, and when you're done we'll go back to the hotel, and I'll preen your wings."

Max opens his mouth, ready to argue with him, he has data to go over before tomorrow's qualifying, but Daniel doesn't give him a chance to, turning around and leaving the room as quickly as he had come in.

[inastarlesssky]

More Dreamuse thoughts because I had some realizations I came to. This scene is living rent-free in my head and I've just had some thoughts so have this is in mind, k?

Dream: The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again. Calliope: I'm sorry, I had I did not know where else to turn. Dream: You misunderstand me. [steps ever so slightly closer to her] When I heard you call to me, even after all this time...let me help you. Please.

So because of a recent fixation upon The Sandman Netflix series, and after watching the series all the way through, I've started thinking about Dream of the Endless and turning over in my head the little details one can pick up on while watching the episodes. Just personally, I tend to think (a little too much probably) on things but when something catches my attention, well, all the more so.

That being said, in the first few episodes, I observed that Dream's reactions or emotional responses weren't...hm very strong, per se. Or rather, he might not always have shown on his face the emotion you can clearly hear in his voice. I thought that was really interesting because, well, as human beings, if someone's angry/sad/hurt, you will more often than not see that in a facial expression (granted, of course, people are different, and some are more expressive than others....I'm not trying to make a universal statement here, just making comparisons). Note that Dream of the Endless is not human. He is an anthropomorphic entity that according to Tom Sturridge is basically (damnit I can't remember how Tom said it in the interview) the collective unconsciousness of the world--dreams and dreaming and all that.

He's not human. Which means he will, accordingly, react to and perceive and experience things in ways different to us human beings. Keep that in mind.

It seemed to me a little subtle reminder to me of exactly that, he's not human. He's distant in a way. He definitely does still feel things, very strongly sometimes even. But his way of expression is different. Anyway, I digress.

So on a lovely server I just joined, I posed this question and the folks there pointed out that it's true, Dream doesn't necessarily vocalize an emotional response, but if it's very strong or boils over, then yes. Now I take 'vocalize an emotional response' in two ways:

saying "I feel [angry/sad/frustrated/insert whatever emotion]"

Showing in a change of the tone of voice or making some sort of comment that will give insight related to said emotional response

I've never seen him do the first and we shouldn't, because that doesn't make for very good storytelling. The showing is more frequently better than the telling, I believe. But I want to draw your attention to the second point, and most specifically to that scene when he's talking to Calliope shortly before he ruins Arthur Madoc's life.

She tells him about her plight, and he responds by saying he'll take care of everything she's asked him to, basically. She frowns at this and asks him, "Why? Because I was once yours?" He answers with a quiet, "Because he hurt you" and then continues with the quote I put at the beginning of this spiel.

"The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again." - Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm imagining things. But I could have sworn I noticed a little, almost imperceptible change in his tone when he delivered this line. Without knowing any of the history they had (I know a little bit more now than I did then... but in that moment, no), I could tell that this was something painful for him. Something he'd been hurt by. (I know that it's all just 'poor Morpheus', they both suffered, and they were both hurt, and I could go off on a whole 'nother thing for that)

But my point is that, he's hurt. He mentions this to her, not directly telling her that, but reminding her of what she'd said to him so many years ago. Something that wounded him. Despite that, he has willingly and most readily come to her assistance when she called him.

That's it. Just offering that up for consideration.

[princesscolumbia]

Pride Month 2024 - Day 9

I have had 10 hours of sleep in the last 48...welcome to parenthood.

And now, get ready for a good egg cracking AU!

Return to Recipient

Summary:

Ranma hasn't been feeling right for as long as he can remember, and he just figured that's normal. But after Jusenkyo, and especially after Jusendo, the feeling of "wrongness" has been getting more and more noticeable... ...because he doesn't feel it in his cursed form. He continues to just cope, keeping his struggle to himself, until he finds a letter tucked into his old travel pack addressed to him, written by him, from a 48 hour period that he doesn't remember and nobody will talk to him about.

Notes:

During the writing of 🔞 And at This Point I'm Afraid to Ask 🔞, [NOTE - Yeah, these two are being posted in "most recently updated" order, so the fic that came first is being posted tomorrow for this little calendar event -Helen] I realized I was speed-running Ranma's egg-to-hatched trans journey and made an author's note of that. In the comments for that work, I got a note bemoaning the fact that I didn't spend more time on Ranma's realization, coming out, and social transition as a woman while understanding my reasoning. I replied stating that I needed a good hook, something that hadn't been hammered to death by other authors, and at the time I didn't have anything. I really got it in my head that I should do something, so I posted to Tumblr and started putting it out to the universe that I was Poly Transwoman Author Seeking Story Inspiration and Motivation, in Open Relationship with current WIPs. I was scrolling through the "Ranma 1/2" tag this morning trying to find something I hadn't read when I bumped into Dear Diary by JaquiK. I've read it, of course, and it's short and, for what it sets out to do, good. "Feels like it needs more," says I, "Wish the author would continue it, make something more of it than they did." The little author that lives in my head rent free and looks remarkably like Ranma-chan ran up behind me and socked me in the back of my head, "Dummy! There's your plot hook!" Then she backed a dump truck up and dropped about 3/4 of a story's worth of ideas on me. [*le-gasp* It me! -Christy] With the 2023 holidays in full swing (it's Cyber Monday as I type this) I'm not sure how quickly I'll get to outlining this or getting chapters 2-5 out (my personal metric for whether the author is serious about a work is if they have 5 chapters out. This has been a solid rule of thumb for long-form fiction and hasn't failed me regardless of fandom), but I wanted to get at least chapter 1 out as quickly as possible. Tags will be added as I add more chapters, mostly because my writing process means I'm not sure what tags will apply until I'm writing something that necessitates them. 😋 I hope you enjoy it.

Obviously, at 6 chapters and 35.5k words, I've met my own personal metric for being serious about a work. 😉

This one is a particular pride and joy, and I hope that people reading it are getting the 'gag' of the title and the chapter titles. While not all the chapter titles are home runs, I have put a lot of thought into making them meaningful to the story as a whole. For example, the title itself, "Return to Recipient" is a play on the postal service standard, "Return to Sender" (and, yes, made a cultural signpost by that one song by Elvis). In the case of the "sender" of the letter that kicks the whole fic off in chapter 1 no longer exists. And, yes, I could have gone with the now-standard practice of making "that girl" an alt in the system known as Ranma, but that wasn't what this fic was about. This is about Ranma's transition as prompted by her own self demanding she be true unto. And that version was a result of a dissociative episode caused by injury and never properly treated, requiring Ranma's rapid healing (likely qi assisted) to repair the damage...and part of that damage was the entire mental state triggered by the injury. (And, again, the bigger questions of whether that was a separate entity that deserved a life to live are outside the scope of this fic...or is it? 😉) So if Ranma, theoretically, wanted to return the letter to the sender, she'd be returning it to...herself, the recipient. Therefor, "Return to Recipient."

In the spirit of things being spoilertastic without revealing too much in these posts, I present to you the chapter title list:

Note to Self

Doctor's Note

Passing Notes

A Noteable Occation

Akane One Note

A Note on Shampoo's File

Notes, Beats, and Measures

Back of the Napkin Notes

Notes from Abroad

Navigational Notation

Autographs on Notebook Paper

Veterinary Notes

Bank Notes

A Noteworthy Event

Self-Analysis Notes

Ending on a High Note

Epilogue - [REDACTED]

The blue are already published, enjoyable speculation on the rest is welcome in the notes. 😁

[twothpaste]

i'm interested to hear about Porky for that character meme

First impression: The first time I saw Porky was in Smash Bros Brawl when I was like 12, and I was probably about as bamboozled as every other kid back then. I remember being creeped out and a little captivated, wondering what the hell could possibly be up with this rampaging kid / old man / ??? In some kind of life support mech??? Like damn these Mother games must be crazy. (Proceeded to emulate Pokemon instead for the next 6 years 🤸)

Impression now: Oh, I see! He was The Best Villain In All Of Media. That's what was up with him. He carved out a corner in the back of my brain where he's been living rent free for a decade. If I think too hard about him I go off the rails and sometimes become cataclysmically sad. Awesome.

Favorite moment: The entire Empire Porky Building is a mesmerizingly monolithic character study unto itself. But his climactic speech when you finally reach him at the 100th floor is like. God. Fucking hell. Where does one even begin. The surprising eloquent conviction with which he speaks, after a whole dungeon of childish taunting. And then, it's actually such a thin veneer after all. He's deluded himself into thinking he's a godlike visionary, but everything he declares about "humanity" is so insecure and immature and downright wrong. The unnerving spite and tragedy of it all. The urge to pity him feels like a bellyache. How you know where he came from and what a hapless child he used to be (and maybe still is) - but to the people of Nowhere?? They've got no fuckin' clue. And he doesn't belong here, but at the same time, he embodies every individualistic capitalistic apocalyptic thing they tried to shove under the rug and forget about. Just. Agh. Turns my brain and bones to jelly.

Idea for a story:

Unpopular opinion: He's not "insane," or mind controlled by Giygas, or gone "crazy" in the aftermath of Giygas' influence. A thousand lifetimes are sure to do something to a guy's head, sure - and I'm sure his mental health ain't great - but like?? Everything about him hits so much harder if he is of relatively sound reasoning (like every other capitalist), and if he's acting on his own will. Stripping him of his psychological agency renders him so thematically & conceptually toothless to me, idk. If he was just acting zany & evil 'cause he was out of his mind or whatever, then none of the shit he does or says really means anything!! Giygas brought out the worst in him. Aloysius and Lardna conditioned him to make terrible choices. Porky chose to spend 3842389 years committing atrocities unto mother Earth and mankind.

Favorite relationship: His friendship with Ness is so bittersweet, and his use of Claus as an extension of himself is both harrowing and fascinating. I think my fav is his narrative dynamics with Lucas though. How they both faced cruelty at the hands of shortsighted adults and the world at large, but learned completely different lessons from it. How Lucas, presumably a boundlessly kind and forgiving person, gets pushed to his absolute limit with this guy. How he's gotta grapple with the ethics of Porky's fate, whether or not he deserves to spend eternity trapped by his lonesome. How Porky coerces this humble farm kid into the role of Ness, chasing the high of his friendship and rivalry. How he calls Claus his "double," right in front of Claus' actual double, just to drive the knife in deeper. How he thinks he represents the grim reality of human nature, while Lucas stands tall and faces him as a shining counterpoint. Everybody explode now.

Favorite headcanon: Uhh shit I dunno what my favorite is. The Masked Man is based on one of his original comic characters he used to draw when he shouldda been paying attention in math class. He had a crush on Ness and didn't know what to do about it and now it's the whole universe's problem. He has a laughably poorly-informed admiration for Ronald Reagan, 'cause his dad spoke highly of him. If he were just a guy in the 2020s, his goal in life would be to usurp Elon Musk by being exactly the same but "smarter" and "more competent" (he would fail because he's neither).

[bookhighlightss]

BOOK REVIEW ON DREAMLAND BILLIONAIRE TRILOGY

I. The fine print

1. Okay I love how he created a whole ass person who did her drawings for her lmfao.

2. HE WATCHED ALL SEVENTEEN VERSIONS OF PRIDE AND PREJUDICE BECAUSE SHE LOVES PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. and the way he sometimes related his situation to mr. Darcy, yea adorable.

3. I love Zahra's brains and overall the way she helped in making Rowan realise how he messed up with the employees salary and shit. Independent girly. Love it.

4. I love how she wears and collects batches and the backstory behind it was adorable.

5. Rowan's relationship with her sister was so cute. I was here for it.

6. I don't rmr much of the book but yea they were cute and I like how iris stood up for herself when he treated her like shit and didn't give in easily. ( I don't remember much of the book I read it a month ago)

II. Terms and conditions

1. OMG WHEN I TELL YOU IM OBSESSED WITH THESE TWO I MEAN IM OBSESSED. i love them the most out of this series.

2. They are probably the only couple in this series that actually communicated properly about their feelings and considered each other's feelings too.

3. The way Declan genuinely tried to change and become a better person was wow. Also the fact that he liked her way before the marriage contract.

4. Super obsessed with them and they live rent free in my head alongside Alex and ava.

III. The final offer

1. When I tell you I have so many complaints on this book I mean I GOT COMPLAINS.

2. Okay first of all I get that they were childhood lovers or whatever and then he threw that away and got an alcohol addiction but that never gave the people in their stupid ass town to bring him down that much. Because first of all it wasn't like he vandalised or abused shit when he was drunk so the whole town putting their nose in and being all judgey was unnecessary because they saw how broke alana was after the breakup. Like did u see Callahan being all cheery? No. But okay sure go ahead and judge bcs what else do u have to do in a small stinky ass town.

3. Okay when I say alana had no character development, I mean zero. Nada. Bcs she didn't once ask him why he drank so much and as much as I'm against drinking, people don't drink that much unless they got baggage. She was legit waiting all throughout the book for a chance for him to hurt her and when he did she didn't hear shit she was ready to be like ha I proved myself right, u r an asshole.

4. The sole reason this worked out was because Callahan was down bad for her because she never communicated properly. Homegirl was so stuck on the fact that he left. He drank. He broke my heart. And didn't put herself in his shoes once. Callahan had a lot of baggage and idk I just wanted him to have a conversation with her about all his shit but I never got that so that ticked me off.

5. Okay I love Callahan and his whole personality. I mean mans went to therapy just to fix himself for her. But alana is a big no for me. Idk maybe if she had a character development in another universe I would be here for it.

Overall the books were fun to read. Super fast paced. Will help u get out of your readers slump.

If I had to rate the book from most favourite to least favourite:

1. Terms and conditions ( the best book out of the trilogy).

2. The fine print

3. The final offer ( I'm mega disappointed in this book but I LOVE CALLAHAN the most out of the three brothers )

Most favourite to least favourite kane men:

1. Callahan kane ( hands down the best )

2. Declan kane ( he was amazing )

3. Rowan kane ( he was lowkey toxic)

Most favourite to least favourite kane women:

1. Iris kane ( love love her )

2. Zahra kane

3. Alana kane ( yk why )

Overall id give the series a 7/10.

[thechaseofspades]

3, 13, 27

3: Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I tend to challenge myself with different concepts and styles with each project so it's hard to sum it up universally. I will say that I do loose outlines, so I always have an idea of where the characters are gonna go in the story. I'll split my stories into scenes or scene concepts, and have those as placeholder chapters for the time being. Once I actually write those scenes, the ongoing word count pretty much dictates whether or not I cut it off and start a new chapter. "Lena's Groundhog Day", for example, averages about 4500 words per chapter, and "Quack to the Future" hangs out in the 3-5k range. Basically, if a scene filled up a decent amount of space, then I call it a chapter and move right along. I won't, however, chop a scene up or bloat it to fit a certain runtime, hence the range.

Usually the story will start as a basic idea ("what if X but ducks"; "let's do a sequel to that one fic"; "I want to write Gosalyn"). I'll usually come up with a first chapter just to set the stage and see where we're at, and then bounce the idea around in my head for a while. I'll think it over on walks, I'll listen to music and imagine the characters, stuff like that. By the time I'm ready to write, I've usually settled on an ending scene, and come up with a couple other beats I want to hit in between. For example, for "Lena's Groundhog Day", I knew I wanted the diner scene with Webby and the ending scene(s) at the amphitheater. The rest came up as I wrote it, for better or for worse but mostly for better in my opinion.

13: What's a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

You know I actually had an odd time coming up with an answer here because I don't really seek out writing advice as much as I probably ought to. I've found that generalized advice isn't helpful for me, and also anything that suggests a change in routine is difficult to implement. Anyway, I'll think of something give me a second…. … … Hey I'm back. I didn't think of anything. The best I can do for you is always save your work because you never know when a bolt of lightning will strike your device specifically and uh oh there goes your progress.

27: What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

My least favorite part of writing is when I'm not writing. I mean when I'm stuck staring at a blinking cursor, can't think of where to go from here. Or I know where to go but not how to get there. Or I've just not written in a while and go "dang I miss doing that". Oh, and I also hate the part right before I publish where I go through like 50 times for spelling or grammar or typos because I have a fear of commitment (only to find mistakes months later when I'm just reading casually).

There are scenes and scene concepts that live rent free in my head before I write them. I'm talking imagining the characters having a back and forth, envisioning the action descriptions I'm gonna use, the works. If I had a thoughts-to-text ability, I'd have a whole collection written I'll tell you what. But I write my stories in order, so a lot of times (especially for endings) I can't just jump in and write those parts down. But when I do, man it's just really cool to see the thing I'd imagined for so long finally pop up in the document. It's crazy. Like I thinked all those words and then bam they're on the screen for anybody to look at. Indescribable. What a world.

Thanks for the ask!

[wynterlanding]

get to know the author!

name : ash!

pronouns :  she/her

preference of communication : tumblr ims honestly. After some iffy experiences I no longer give out my discord to just anybody. I have to speak to you for a while on tumblr/interact/ooc chat (just make sure you actually wanna write with my muse & we gel) before I even feel comfortable doing it anymore. As unfortunate as that is BUT dms are always open here.

most active muse :  If you can't tell it's Landon lol He has his own solo space apart from his low activity connected universe multi. WHICH is only available to mains rn. But he lives in my head rent free so it's him.

experience / how many years :  Time to show my rp age. I kicked it on forum groups. NOW the bane of my existence and why I will never join any rp group again lolol Around 2008/2009 ish? I have seen a lot of shit. Which is why my rules are the way they are cause I ain't got time to put up with bs. I used to roll Hugh Dancy back in the era of H.annibal for an original and had the lovely experience of being forced shipped on LMAOO

best experience : Other than being able to meet and connect with cool ghosties now? A little private server I used to have with some people (one being one of my best friends now) that was fun until it faded.

rp pet peeves : anon hate. people following ( especially first ) but NEVER interacting with anything. inconsistency. pretending to have interest in me+muse and then banning my fc. YEP It's happened and it's a major blacklist!

fluff, angst, or smut : All? I mean I don't smut on first interactions or shit. It's gotta be established ships cause not my priority. But it's all good. Can I say horror and thriller? lolol Honestly someone burned me badly with a shit ton of angst non stop so I'm not always here for that. Good plot drama is juicy tho.

plots or memes : Plot! Plot! Plot! I don't prefer dropping into the middle of a plot either. I wanna build it. Not it being "they're already interacting at this pivotal point" when that makes no sense to me. Memes are fun if people actually send them but I wanna plot, create and expand on universes. I also have a tendency to lose interest/push replies back if my rp partner NEVER talks or plots with me in ims. It shows a lack of interest to me personally.

long or short replies : LONG OR GO HOME! I try to write shorter stuff but I can't even. It's hard for me. I'm long winded. I'm wordy. The fact Landon talks/thinks too much doesn't help this lmaooo But no I do write a lot but no one is obligated to match my length. I just ask for more than a little paragrah or two if I write a shit ton cause it totally makes it difficult for me to reply and I take longer which makes the thread sit.

time to write : Pfff you assume I have a schedule. When I feel like my brain can cooperate? But a lot of times when I have gone on reply sprees it's between midnight and 3 am. The witching and devil's hours respectively on this FINE part horror blog! I'm a vampire what can I say? I can write anytime but my most productive hours have sprang up there.

are you like your muses : Heck to the no. I guess the only thing is Lan's love for pop culture/movies/horror but everything else? Nope. Nobody on the multi either. ahshf I would hope not cause there are some crazy criminals in that city lol

tagged by: the incomparable @mutatedangels ! <3 <3

tagging: @awalkoflife @clemencetaught @depictedmorada @dcymcres @fcllederage @interxstitial @itsalltoobeautiful @godccmplex @kndaoverit @queenxfthedxmned @lavishbylaw @laviexenrose @mxlevolence @magicmadnessx @packagecfgirlyevil @smolcuriouskitten @ixonmaiden @thewolfruns @technopathicredhead @txnnesseehoney @wintxrx @kit-just-kit @svchasimp @velvetnviolentviolets @waveofstars !! & everyone else I follow - the whole dash!

[baladric]

Ough Maia mommy kink...that's exquisite...would also fit with his intense reaction when he first met Hesero...and Csethiro would be the best soft domme...sword fighting muscle mommy... What kinks do you think the other characters have? I read that one Cala/Beshelar boot worship fic on ao3 and it's lived in my head rent free ever since

ohhhh anon. oh sweet beloved dear anon, i am kissing you on the forehead, i love you so, you are so wise and clever

the funny thing is i feel like there's UHHH wrong answers to the tge kink question(s) so like these are all just ME, having read surprisingly little of the extant fic for this fandom (once i start writing for a thing, i weirdly lose interest in reading for it)

i will say i'm on the fence about the general Softness of csethiro's domme'ing ;alkdfjw like in the universe where i get everything i want, csethiro's had some Experience™ with ladies in vedero's circle (i think a lot about the passingly-referenced aizheän tativin A Lot), and so i think she comes to maia's bed with a skill set that feels very inapplicable to her at first, and also involves a lot more Meanness than she expects maia to be in any way into?? so i think it takes them a good while to get to anything particularly kinky—but when they do, i think csethiro is the dominant party for a Long Time, like mommy kink stuff obvs, praise kink goes w/o saying imo, definitely like rope bondage in the manner of silk ribbons and calling maia Pretty and treating him like a doll, and when his anxiety is eating him alive? i honestly think he asks her to get kind of mean to him!! like lance the wound, right? voice the bad things!! get it all out of his head and into the real world and then throw it out the goddamn window at the end!! there is so much catharsis to playing in the space of self-hatred in a controlled environment, i am just sayin

also i think they find out during some regular tender vanilla sex that csethiro does, in fact, love Actual soft-dom maia, and then they play with service roles and something along the lines of hypnosis, like maia talking her into a meditative state and going to town on a list of pre-arranged tasks, etc!

and like. 100% of the time i think their sex is INCREDIBLY gender-fucked. like the bed hangings shut and neither of them has ever heard of a binary gender, everyone is babygirl and also daddy and sunshine and silly boy and little slut and and

and then there's cala and beshelar ;lkajdflaw;kfjdsd like the SHORT list: major S/m (painplay, humiliation/degradation mostly), bondage, breathplay, definitely some INVOLVED roleplay, and i think cala likes to wig deret out with the idea of semi-public things (plugs, cages) even though they both know they can like. never ever risk that bc like talk about compromising their attention for protecting maia!!! as well as i rly love the idea of them both just. knowing each other so well that they can drop each other out of their heads with a few words once the door shuts behind them when a day has been rough, bc jesus god are their jobs hard and long and they know when the other one needs to just. fuck off and get fucked. for a while. (also they are very very sweet to each other and both so huge into aftercare, it's basically the whole point to them, like the other one having let go enough to allow themself to be proper taken care of and petted and loved on OUGH)

csevet aisava has cumslut energy. i'm sorry. he just does. that's a twink who just wants to be on his knees until his brain turns off, okay.

telimezh is vanilla and i love him. berenar, however, FUCKS.

thara celehar is a babygirl and he does not want anyone to know this, ever, including the person he is actively having sex with. this goes hand in hand with a STRONG humiliation kink, which you can bet Iäna "Daddy Dom" Pel-Thenhior uses to screw with him SO HARD

meanwhile iäna wants little more in the world than to be blown in the wings of an active performance and then fucked raw in a dressing room, half-clothed and made to stare at himself in the mirror while it happens

vedero drazhin mostly wants to slap csoru drazharan in the face i think. and make her cry. and then go read a book.

hope this helps <3

[hbosscreations]

The Reason Dead in America Doesn't Work for Me

I know that this is the autism brain in me and not necessarily a rational argument that other people will have or even care about, and I don't think anyone is going to see this or care, but what is this platform good for if not shouting into the void?

There are a lot of things wrong with Dead in America, and if I got into the whole 'British White Dude talking about American Racism without understanding nuance or being particularly aware of British Racism' thing...well, I think I'd lose it again. Other people have talked about it more eloquently than I ever could.

So instead, let's talk about the feelings I'm having and the in universe reason that Dead in America feels...wrong to me. This isn't something a person who's starting with Dead in America might pick up on, but it lives rent free in my head and I haven't seen anyone else talk about it.

The world John is in isn't his world. Rather, the SOUL in John's body is from a different universe's John Constantine.

To be fair, if you're not reading the trade of the 2019 run, you might also not have read the Halloween special in which the apocalypse created by Tim Hunter (from Books of Magic) is happening and John gets Chas and his taxi exploded, but it's kind of important to the rest of the story, so I'm glad it was included in the trade. Kind of wish it was included as the first issue of the run. The trade also includes the issue of how John gets a cell phone with an angel trapped inside it, but that's less important.

Let me explain.

Basically, Tim Hunter is an extremely powerful magic user who punched a hole into the multiverse. John is an extremely powerful magic user who, as we all know, REALLY does NOT want to die. The apocalypse is happening, Zatanna is dying, Tefe is dying, John just sacrificed Chas and is dying. So, when a future version of him appears that seems happy and says 'hey, babe, just promise me that you'll give me your soul and I'll heal you up and send you somewhere you're needed' John says yes.

Why does older him want his soul? Fuck if John knows. Future John makes it sound like a con on the universe, and John's into that shit. 'Keep it in the family'.

Remember that line.

He wakes up in a universe where he's been in Ravenscar for years, the only visible scar on him we see is the deal he made with himself. The burn on his hand.

This is a universe (I suspect) where he didn't sell his soul to get rid of his cancer. What would be the point of punting him here if Future John would have to figure out how to get the soul away from the demons who may or may not still have a claim to it.

More to the point, I think this is a universe where Future John was supposed to have a measure of control over the happenings. Let me explain. We see this in Scrubbing Up Part 2 when John talks to Clarice.

(If you don't know who Clarice and Map are, they're from the original run and they're fantastic, but they're also magic people who've worked with John in the past.)

There's a prophesy that says a hungry void is murdering whichever magi it could not first consume, you say? A void like a tulpa, perhaps? An abomination under parliament? You mean the tulpa of Albion that Future John creates?

Why do I think these things are specifically Future John's doing?

Because the story says so.

Back in the 2019 Halloween special, John starts to lose his memories of the multiverse, his lives, his loves. He starts to CUT THEM OFF because they cannot coexist with this world that is so much more limited in scope.

John regularly complains in this run that the CGI shit is 'not his scene' which Future John scoffs at. Of course it's his scene, that's where he's at now, and while people like to forget about it, it was his thing in the original run too once he'd passed through a few hands.

The 90s were a hell of a drug for the comic book industry, I'm just saying.

Side tangent, this would have been an AMAZING jumping off point for newer readers. You literally don't need to know anything because he's been in a drug induced haze for a decade and doesn't remember his old life. A good writer could use this and have John be trying to parse through his memories and figure out what's real, what's not, and what the other him wanted.

Anyway, back to Future John's motives.

'You don't have to be afraid. I'll fix you up. Set you down where this unholy fucktangle didn't reach yet. Somewhere you're needed.'

Emphasis is something that should be important in a comic (Unless you're Frank Miller, I guess). In particular, Future John says 'where this unholy fucktangle didn't reach yet'. 'This unholy fucktangle'. Not 'this unholy fucktangle'.

Meaning there's a place that's already made and ready for John. A place his future self has chosen.

Where, exactly?

'Somewhere you're needed'.

Not 'somewhere peaceful' or 'somewhere exciting' or even 'somewhere familiar'.

No, 'somewhere you're needed'.

And the first thing after the issue of John getting his magical cell phone, what's the first real thing that happens to John that's not a mundanity?

Noah happens.

Noah, who was supposed to be hunting down Clarice (An OLD WOMAN IN A CAR WITH A BODYGUARD) and somehow convinces his friend and partner in crime that actually John is the person they are supposed to be kidnapping.

Noah has no clue why he decided to bring a man who looks anywhere between his 40's to 70's depending on the issue, but John does not look like a five foot tall brunette in a designer dress with a sleek car and a bodyguard, does he?

So, why would Noah do that? Why would Isa go along with it?

This time, this place, this universe was chosen for a reason.

Man, wouldn't it be interesting if John was here because of Noah?

Future John says 'I'm going to send you somewhere you're needed', John wakes up and pretty quickly gets himself attacked by his own son (we can argue about how long based on hair growth since there are not any dates given, but I digress).

His son who has a mother in a coma that hasn't woken up in seven years. His son who has a grandmother no one ever sees, names, or mentions again after the single issue she's first mentioned in. His son who is disabled because of magic and monsters and demon shit. His son who is so angry and yet so, so kind (No, I am not over the fact that he held the hand of his mother's would-be murderer as she died and offered her comfort despite her being an angry, bitter racist).

His son who WILL be killed by his own hands (even if those hands are a future alternate version of him or a tulpa of himself that he created) if John doesn't do what he's told.

His son, who was willing to walk back into the place where his only friend we ever see was mutilated in front of him, because John needed him.

His son who needed him not for his magic but because he was John.

What a perfect carrot. What a perfect stick.

Talk about 'keeping it in the family', eh?

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH DEAD IN AMERICA?!

Valid question! So valid! So real! This is a tangent that really in my opinion highlights why Dead in America doesn't work.

What does any of this rambling about John Constantine Hellblazer 2019 have to do with Hellblazer: Dead in America?

Nothing.

And that's the problem.

Look, I get that comic runs often don't have much to do with the previous runs, but Hellblazer has always been strongest when the stories built on one another. When there was a transition. And it was written by the same writer, as a continuation of his previous run.

Dead in America feels like someone who's got a vague idea and a bone to pick. 'Look at how racist the Americans are!'

I'm not going to go into too deep of a dive on this one, but I do have a serious question that highlights why Dead in America doesn't work.

What does John Constantine have to do with American racism?

Is there prejudice against non-Americans who are white in the US? Sure, but that's not the story being told. What does this story have to say about racism? That it's bad, that poor white Americans are stupid and racist, and rich white Americans are evil and racist.

WHY IS A BRITISH WRITER WORKING ON A BRITISH CHARACTER HEADING THIS CONVERSATION?!

AND WHY IS DC LETTING HIM KEEP DOING IT SO BADLY?!

There are good pieces of Dead in America, but they're just that, pieces. This story does not work as a standalone, it does not work in relation to anything that came before it, it does not work as a Hellblazer story, it does not work as a John Constantine story.

And it completely forgets EVERYTHING that came before it BY THE SAME WRITER! Did Si Spurrier forget that HE IS THE ONE WHO SENT JOHN INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE?! WHY ARE WE SEEING PEOPLE FROM THE MAIN DCU WHEN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN A UNIVERSE WHERE JOHN IS ALONE WITH NO SUPPORT BECAUSE HE FUCKING KILLED THEM ALL IN PREPARATION?!?! THAT'S A MAJOR POINT OF THE PREVIOUS RUN, THAT THE FUTURE VERSION OF HIM HAS KILLED/CHASED OFF ANYONE LEFT BEHIND WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO KEEP JOHN ALIVE! HOW THE FUCK IS ETRIGAN AROUND WHEN I'M CERTAIN FUTURE JOHN IS THE REASON CHAS DIED OF CANCER?!

And don't tell me 'oh, Future John's a tulpa, he couldn't have done that!'. HE COULD HAVE BECAUSE HE FUCKING DID ALREADY! BEING A TULPA DOESN'T NEGATE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THIS RUN!!!

WHY DID WE GET THIS INSTEAD OF AN ACTUAL CONTINUATION OF THE STORYLINE THAT WAS CANCELED ON HIM?!

Fuck, I WANT to be positive about the things I like. I'm so in love with the 2019 run that I went out and bought the entire original Hellblazer in both physical and digital formats, after years of not really reading comic books anymore just so I could make sure I really understood John Constantine as a character. I know Spurrier can write better than this because he did it five years ago.

I'm still buying the comics because I don't want Constantine to become another character DC pulls out for crossovers and to die and be resurrected as so many other characters are, but FUCK I really hope that someone considers a different writer before continuing forward or at least some better guidelines, because Dead in America is disappointing.

[writebethany]

❤️🧡🤍🩷💜A WLW ASK MEME❤️🧡🤍🩷💜 List the top 10 ladies you’ve been obsessed with Ever Of All Time! Then send this on to 5 sapphic mutuals 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Mentally listing these off I have a type and I'm not sorry about this in the slightest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so in no particular order:

Astra In-Ze. (Supergirl) General badass who wants to do the right thing in the completely wrong way? There was never a universe in which I did not love her. It was inevitable. I watched the first season of supergirl for Cat Grant, and ended up loving Astra more. It's the enemies to lovers of it all. It's the Laura Benanti. It's the being a twin on a world where that was an aberration. It's the ability to take the framework and run to create a whole lot of backstories for fun and profit. *chef's kiss* Really had everything I needed to sink into a character and think about them for all time.

Kommissar (Pitch Perfect 2) Condescending European tall hot lady? By god the movie gave us nothing and yet I kept digging. I literally had to pick out a name to write about her, but I was out here giving her the full random side dude character treatment because she had the trifecta of 'qualities I'm obsessed with.' I followed the actress and watched Danish TV for her. I started learning Danish. That is how obsessed I was with this character. The OT3 fic I wrote with Kommissar/Becca/Pieter is still one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's just so soft while Kommissar doesn't manage to lose the sass or edge. Mmm.

Miranda Priestly (The Devil Wears Prada) It's Miranda Priestly. I'm a millennial sapphic. Need I say more. Never mind that she fits with the overall theme so far of 'mean and pretty (and usually older with a backstory with just a *touch* of softness). I watched the movie as a baby gay who didn't know(tm) yet and zeroed the fuck in on Miranda and then watched it in college and YEP. There we were. Several hundred thousand words of fic later.

Regina Mills. (Once Upon a Time) Mean. ✅ Tragic backstory ✅ Secretly Wants to be good ✅ *GOD* the brain rot I had over Regina Mills. Still love her, but I burned so brightly and that fandom was so. Well. We all know what OUAT was like if you were there Gandalf. She's still such a baby girl, but not *the* baby girl, you understand. She led me to Lana's other works and Swingtown most importantly which also lives in my head rent free, but Regina. Regina will always be that original GOAT from my first *big* foray into fandom and only just got passed with fics from another fandom recently, that's how much I wrote about her.

Narcissa Malfoy. Sometimes when you're a baby gay and the teacher you just realized you have a crush on and finally admit you're gay to yourself writes HP fanfic and writes a version of Narcissa Malfoy that haunts you for fifteen straight years to the point where it becomes your pandemic fic pairing of choice and here you are four years past that with *gestures* yeah. Alas.

H.G. Wells. (Warehouse 13) HOOOOO BOY baby's first fandom. This was another case of me watching the first couple seasons before I knew(tm) but also buying them on DVD because you see I needed them. Mmm complicated villain backstories. I can redeem her, etc, etc. But just the sheer fucking chemistry of HG and Myka and the perfection of HG being this didactic woman who didn't let time define her and then going absolutely ape to avenge her daughter? Yes. Just yes. Love her. Also Jaime Murray. Mhm.

Eve Baird. (The Librarians) Oh Eve. The newest addition to the list. She just wants to protect her people, for all of them to live and be happy. Will forever have a part of my mind rotating her, Jenkins, and Cassandra together like a snowglobe. It just makes sense and I am a sucker for poly.

Rebecca Welton. (Ted Lasso) *screams in we could have had it all* listen. Listen. Listen. I loved the first two season of Ted Lasso. I loved the arc that Rebecca had in them of being a conniving bitch because she was hurt and wanted everyone else to hurt with her. I loved the switch from that to finding family with the team. What the fuck was the third season. What was that ending. Some random fucking dude with a kid? Forever will be angry about it and how it just...took everything that she had with Ted and went 'surely this other random dude will do'. They should have just left her alone if the ultimate goal was for Ted to go. I would have loved that for her, to stand on her two feet. Just. AGH. Anyway seasons 1 and 2 live rent free in my head and we don't talk about bruno after that.

Cat Grant. (Supergirl) While I ended up liking Astra more than Cat Grant. Cat Grant. The parallels between Cat and Miranda are *paralleling* and I still fucking love her to this day. The check boxes are checked. The plucky assistant to fall in love with is right there. Honestly if the show had aired any other time than when I was in grad school, and if Cat had been a main for more than a season I would have been even more obsessed.

Rita Repulsa. (Power Rangers) Listen. Listen. Listen. Six year old me loved Power Rangers. Six year old me also thought Rita Repulsa was the prettiest woman ever to exist. Dear god if you have only seen the Elizabeth Banks Rita, google the original. 0 idea what my six year old self was thinking. Like without the crazy costume yeah, but the crazy costume was there. So. I mean I still think about her on occasion, but usually in the context of HOO BOY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS about villains. So. She counts. Also the Elizabeth Banks version is certifiably hot so like. Was six year old me wrong?

[manythoughtmanyprayers]

i dont know if its because my social battery is totally wasted, or the amount of time i spent under the sun, or both, but the way that my mind and my heart have been constantly fighting each other is taking all the energy inside of me.

my mind says that this constant mission of searching for your face in the crowd everywhere i go, even in places you would probably not be, is not what i need or should be doing. that it will only make it worse to "move on".

my heart totally ignores it and i find myself turning my head in all directions every 5 seconds, or everytime someone new comes into my field of vision. if its not you i both find it relieving and torturing at the same time, because "great, i dont have to fight the urge to go and talk to you and instead stay exactly where i am and completely ignore you even though you are living inside my head rent free" and because "i really wished i could see you, know that you are physically here. even if i cant reach you, its comforting".

my mind screams at me to stop myself from looking into your direction, that if you are close and i can see you, it tells me to just ignore your existence because its probably what you also do, or what you need, or what i need.

my heart cant ignore the fact that you ARE there, very so close to me, close enough that i could just look at you, stare into your eyes, rise my hand and wave at you, acknowledge that im looking at you, that i still see you, not just in my head. it never stops reminding me that you are close by, that in another context or another parallel universe i would make my way to you and smile at you and everything would be great, no matter how much my brain keeps trying to distract me from you.

i really dont know whats best for me, for this whole situation. should i ignore you? should i not? is that what you want me to do? do you want me to be civilized and say hello? would that mean that were ok? or would we just be faking an amity when nothings ok? im so lost, i dont know what to do anymore.

[vinyls-and-valentines]

A list of things that just feel very killjoycore to me:

Laying on the floor

Sleeping on a couch way too stiff and not meant to be slept on, but it still being better than any other option you got

Riding shotgun/sitting the backseat at 2 am and looking out onto the empty highway

Trying to record your favourite songs when they come on the radio

Exploring abandoned buildings with your friends

Sunsets

The crunch of dust and pebbles underfoot

Crying alone at 3 am

The smell of hairdye

Cassettes

Making shitty posters for your and/or your friend's favourite bands

Light from lamp posts reflecting off the wet concrete

Neon signs in the windows of dingy shops

White noise

The feeling you're home when you're with your friends

Finally seeing the stars properly again after living in the city for a long time

Keeping bottlecaps and can tabs

Doing your very own makebelief tightrope routine along an old train tracks

Music so loud in shakes the ground beneath you

Art that proudly displays every damn clashing color of the rainbow

Getting paint on yourself as well as on everything you love and own

Wanting to run away

Campfires

Old public phones/telephone booths pretty much buried under faded stickers and paint

Zines barely held together by poorly-sewn stitches

Ductaping anything and everything that breaks

Worn-out jackets starting to come apart and jeans that are more patches than actual jeans

Dry throat

Painting everything you own out of sheer boredom

Gravel digging in your palms when you fall down

Headphones that came straight out of the 90s and early 2000s

Starting your own shitty punk band

Picking up things that will probably give you five different diseases by just looking at it because you can and want to see it closer

Bandaids on scraped knees

Smiley face stickers in neon colors