#when i hyperfixate on things i lock in im telling you

[gachapains]

My friend from middle school and I reconnected about a year ago. Anyway we've been talking on and off and I haven't spoken to him in about a month and I get the message

"Ki URGENT MESSAGE... I need your sloth knowledge it's time sensitive."

Bc Ki in middle school, being a quirky little guy combined with having undiagnosed ADHD had a sloth hyperfixation. So much so I applied my freshman year of highschool to go to Costa Rica to go work at a sloth sanctuary, got accepted, but my parents were like "you're 14 you're not going to Costa Rica by yourself" which in hindsight was a very fair statement.

Anyway TLDR I gave him info he needed for his DND game, and also got to name this fictional sloth

[enduringmoth]

thoughts on marvin's abuse, care's existence and paul's transness

taking a break from my usual bg3 posting to talk a little bit about my newer hyperfixation through the lens of queer allegory

necessary author's note: i am an afab transmasculine nonbinary person. obviously, while i do believe my transness does lend my opinion authenticity, at the same time, being trans myself does not mean i can't be transphobic -- so if any of the contents of this post set off alarm bells, please tell me.

trigger & content warnings: child abuse, kidnapping, torture, general petscop badness. obvious spoilers for petscop in its entirety, as well as references to the recent youtube deepdive by nexpo.

TL;DR -- perpetuating the idea that someone can force someone else to be a different gender than they are is harmful to trans people. however, all things involve considerable nuance. to pretend that marvin's actions could not have influenced paul's sense of self in the slightest discredits paul's lived experiences, and i believe a more trauma-informed dialogue about paul could be worth exploring as a community.

my preferred theory explaining petscop is that marvin tried to make care more like lina through abuse and "failed". after this, care would eventually end up in lina's home, and transition to paul.

(simply to make all of this less confusing, i'm going to call paul pretransition "care", though i will avoid pronouns. this is not me trying to invalidate paul, it's just so i don't have to keep saying "paul before he transitioned" or similar phrases.)

it is not a result of marvin's "failure" that care transitioned to paul. but i do believe there is a link between paul's perceptions of self and the trauma he endured pretransition -- and discussing these things gives us a deeper understanding of paul and his history.

obviously there is no "canon" answer to petscop. but im seeing this theory discussed a lot within the tags, and i personally agree with it -- i just feel some of those who are saying we cannot consider marvin's actions are not necessarily accurate, either.

what i am positing is that while marvin certainly did not make paul trans and i would never claim that he did, we understand that marvin's abuse of care -- his cruelty towards care, his warping of care's perception of appearance and self-worth -- is certainly a factor in how paul must see himself.

marvin's treatment of care was poor enough that paul struggles to recall that time of his life. he thinks they are different people -- and in a way, they certainly are (and i've seen DID theories for them which i also enjoy because of this) -- and has clearly repressed what it meant to be marvin's child.

marvin locked care in a basement for six months. that is no small amount of time, and it likely had no small amount of affect on paul. we can assume based on the implications of some school scenes that marvin was trying to convince care to be more like lina during this time. care escaped, and returned home -- though eventually, we know from belle's dialogue that paul would find his way to lina.

"do you remember the day you were born?"

paul's "birth" occurred after marvin's abuse, and though it was not a result of it, there is something almost poetic about following the thread of paul's life from care to his authentic self that plays as a foil to the heinous rebirthing practiced by marvin and rainer.

contrasted with what happened to belle (and seemingly others), paul chose (a form of) rebirth -- transition. marvin tried to make lina be reborn through care. instead, care resisted -- and he would eventually become paul, and that strikes me as so narratively compelling. it's not to spite marvin and please don't think i'm saying that, as care was naturally always paul -- it is simply self-discovery at its most raw and beautiful, and i love it.

the above is why i love petscop as a queer allegory. taking ownership of one's future and selfhood, even when others are trying to tell you who to be.

and that's why i think saying marvin made his afab child transition in rejection of martin's quest for lina -- or that marvin tried to make his amab child transition to care/lina, as nexpo posited -- is so wrong, and harmful.

yet, paul's trauma is real. it happened. and it's a part of him that should be able to be discussed for what it is.

as someone with extensive trauma history, i can tell you that my gender expression and personal identity are in some way connected to pieces of trauma, because those pieces are part of me. i am not trans because of my trauma, but my gender and my trauma are parts of me at the same time -- i am not each of my pieces, but a sum of my whole.

the point i'm trying to make here is that while i think nexpo genuinely missed the mark here with this whole "care never existed, marvin tried to make paul a girl" thing, i do think there needs to be room for a trauma-informed discussion around paul.

i hope that all made sense. if any of this is harmful/transphobic, please let me know. i genuinely love this game and i think it's so fascinating to discuss. /gen

[pendwelling]

You can’t tell me the first thing priest Dokja does when transmigrated to TWSB isn’t locking himself in the royal library and refuses to come out

(Crown prince YJH and Priest KDJ is the funniest image, and obviously HSY is in the background causing problems)

Meanwhile poor Yeseo is on the verge of a panic attack in ORV

(Yeseo trying to parse through his sisters tear filled rambles about her favorite book and therefore being the weirdest prophet know to man while Cedric and Christelle are just there wondering what is up with him)

OOOHHH KDJ locking himself in the Imperial library would be so KDJ of him to do HAHA, tho the main obstacle for that is to first get permission from the Crown 🥲 which, sadly for him.... would mean cozying up in some way to either whoever is the Cardinal and/or Empress/Emperor in this AU (it could range from Persephone and Hades, to Namgung Minyoung, or to even Kyrgios [but I think he fits Johann's role more], etc etc)

((Unsurprisingly I'm gonna go off on a tangent bc anything TWSB related makes my Freak™ show—)) (I JUST LOVE SOOKYM'S WORLDBUILDING SM.... IM SORRY I CANT HELP IT.....) 😭😭😭😭 but libraries—or rather books—actually have a rather important part to play in TWSB, or at least, in showcasing a noble family's strength, power, and prestige. In the Divine Kingdom of Venetiaan, the general populace has an incredibly purposefully low education and literacy rate (due to Queen Lilianne's plan of using the population's dumbification to manipulate their blind curated religious beliefs into having them conscript for her war), so owning books is seen as a symbol of wealth and high education, and the more wealthy a family is, the bigger they would represent that in their family's library. The Riester Empire is different in that education of the common folk is NOT something that they purposefully deprive them of (in fact, we've actually seen the Imperial Family invest in academies for different sorts of talents/skills that could accept even commoners as students), but the significance and importance of books and libraries is something both countries share!

ANYWAY, small tangent over wkdjdkd But all that is to say, a diplomatic hostage like Jesse Venetiaan (and KDJ in this AU) would not have casual permission to use something as precious as the Imperial Library sadly :')...... Which is unfortunate for our Reader bc in a lot of Fantasy AUs the library is a place that KDJ commonly escapes to WKWKKWKWK (IT'S ONE OF MY FAV TROPES NGL...... 😫😭 library lurker KDJ who eventually catches the eye of [usually Crown Prince or Duke of the North] YJH who is entranced by the peaceful figure KDJ makes, backlit from the light of the window and focused on whatever trashy novel he's reading......)

But assuming KDJ knows his chatacter's original fate in the original story (dying during the Riester-Venetiaan war), just like he does in ORV, I bet he would be the type to know exactly what to do and what to avoid, and how to achieve the perfect most "ideal" ending for the story. He's a scheming lil bastard and I trust his survival abilities (well..... until he dies. but he'll come back like the rat he is LMAO...) But considering his personality (at least with The Audacity that the Fourth Wall allows him to have), I think he'd head straight to scheming his way into the good graces of people that he could benefit from (and gaining access to the Imperial Library for some good reads def feels like an essential benefit wkwkwkk) with as much liberties as his complex position as a diplomatic hostage could allow him.

AND OHHHHHHHH YEAH..... POOR JUNG YESEO...... It's such a sad sad SAD image to think about, but also....the though of him frantically trying to organize hundreds of chapters of a repetitive regression scenario story VIA his little sister's tear-filled incoherent hyperfixated ramblings is. kinda funny in a very mean way (LMAO). CedChris would ask him/wonder if he's actually a prophet but when compared to /actual/ prophets like Camille Bacary, they'll kinda look at his sweating face and go "🤨�� right... prophet huh....". Though it should be said that Yeseo is actually crazy smart when he wants to be/when the situation requires it, so I trust he could do his best to help his companions in an apocalypse with any valuable information he has absorbed thru osmosis via his sister. (And in the case of the "Acciddentally-took-Eunseo's-phone" scenario—canonically, Yeseo managed to get through all 302 chapters of QPB's part 1 in a few days, but it was mostly skimming haha but you can assume he'd be somewhat of a quick reader....... though the stress of scenarios would definitely make him a zombie over Eunseo's phone.) But regardless, considering the personalities of these kids, I still feel like an orv!TWSB(or rather QPB) would be more lighthearted(as lighthearted as it can be) to reflect its targeted Reader: Eunseo! Think of an Action Fantasy Regression novel with a persevering main character like Ham Ga-in Christelle who gets through difficulties with as much stubbornness and cheer as she can (though this would naturally dim throughout regressions, but the core of her character is still important). Idk how far into TWSB you are so I don't want to say much wkdjkdkd but yeah..... KDJ's relationship with TWSA and Eunseo's with QPB are SO similar and yet so different, and that difference can partly be traced back to the type of people they are, which is reflected in the type of genre their favourite respective novels are (which also reflects on the characters in said story too) TT

HAA.......... Somehow, I think I end up writing way too much in response to my Asks sometimes, but ANYWAY WKFJKDDKDKD

Thank you Anon for feeding into these AU thoughts, they're always fun to think about and hear what others have to say!!!!!! 🥹 SORRY THAT I KEPT GOING OFF TRACK. CERTIFIED TWSB YAPPER HERE....... 🥲

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Hii !! Just popping by to say i absolutely LOVED ur writing. You feed my hyperfixation so much it's honestly like a part of my routine atp 😭

ANYWAYS,, i just couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if reader just randomly throw themselves on our 141 boys, and just yk stay there, for grounding purposes. YK WHAT IM SAYING?? Lord knows soap's huge ass arms will give u SO much comfort-

Thank you!! Doing these asks feeds my fixation I love them. @obiwankenobis-lap

But yes hugging/cuddling the 141 boys would be the best experience I think I would ever have and it’s a shame that they aren’t real.

Price’s hugs and cuddles are grounding. He holds you close and firmly, enough to have all of your worries and stresses just melting away as he talks to you about the most mundane things.

Ghost rarely gives out hugs but he might cuddle if you’re that close to him. His always safe, his arms are always wrapped around you as if he’s shielding you from the world and you know that nothing bad is going to happen when you’re in his arms

Soap is so touchy that it’s impossible to not get a hug or to not cuddle him. His are comforting and warm, his strong arms keep you locked into him as his warmth shows you that he’s always going to be there for you. You feel like you tell him anything.

Gaz hugs and cuddles when you ask, and their always so light and loving. He holds you in a way that shows you how much he loves you by running his hands over you back. He’s not constructive but you never break away from him.

[ukuraichu]

i was a teenage exocolonist is so fun so much so infact that i ran to my laptop to post my thoughts because i simply have so much to say and therefore have to type a lot.

ANYWHO. im going to document some things about my current runs. I've played the game twice and have amassed about 18h in the 2 days i've had it (woah.) so the hyperfixation is truly hyperfixationing. anywho x2. RAMBLING TIME. (under the cut)

SO IN MY FIRST RUN, i play as sol (they/them). i LOVE my dad, i love my mum but she's a little tough on me. i know she scolds me because she's worried about me and she just wants me to do well but it still. AHHH. i get frustrated and lash out sometimes. but i still love my mum. my childhood friend is marz, who i think is really cool but also i like to compete with her! she can't be the only coolest person ever. i don't remember what i picked as the augment though. ANYWAY.

i wasn't very close with tammy, but when she passed her presence was heavily felt. especially in the secret funtimes club. she would have loved to make friendship bracelets with us. i was enamoured by the very serious and focused and locked in autistic girl (tangent) who i grew up with. i went to classes mostly as an excuse to spend time with her and so that she would like me and pay attention to me, to think that we were of equal standing. her best friend was marz and i was jealous. i asked anemone to be my best friend and she said yes! but we grew apart over time anyway. I did some exploring, but not a lot of it. not enough to see a lot, but enough to sneak out with Dys. I explored and found a pet Hopeye, affectionately named Fungle (after the among us map LOL). I didn't know Dys very much though. he ran away, or went missing, or maybe blew up the colony when i was growing up. i never saw him again.

there was a famine and my mum died. my dad died soon after because of the shimmer. i never found out why. i just locked into robotics and engineering more and more. i named the little robot Ronaldine.

i don't remember the specifics of everything. the finer details are blurry. i just remember dedicating a lot of time with tang and spending time and time again with her, over, over, over. i didn't save the colony. we fell and died. also i didn't like the helios. but i was an obedient kid for the majority of my life up until my dad died and i started to become less obedient.

i grow old, i think. i made a lot of mistakes, but i still grow up. my partner at the time tang, becomes dejected and apathetic and hyperfocused on what happened to dys. i can't save her and she separates herself.

i start again

i wake up again

run 2!!!!!

this one went better. TLDR i saved tammy, not tonin or mum or dad i didnt know how. i become best friends with dys but also date his sister but also flirt with dys and his alien lover sym who i also flirt with but have to decline his advances because im dating tang and i cant tell her i made out with an alien </3. i also spent A LOT of time in the SFC, and work with marz to campaign to overthrow the government. also marz is one of my best friends in this run. also my nemesis, markedly, because i stole her dream job. but because im so close to sym like wow so close, he takes me to meet his big alien leader and is like. homie. i dont like humans but sym likes you and we could like. collab or something idk. like a peace plan. i accept his peace plan, im thinking so forward. so i bring about peace to the world. my mum and dad would have been so proud. i grow old and tang grows old and we break up but the love we shared was still there.

WAHHHH,...., thinking.

also i did NOT clock that tang was trans in the first run. when she said her body was modified i thought she meant. she literally used to be an actual robot. not genome therapy. my bad. love you tang. also when i become best friends with dys and he said he always knew she was his sister RAHHH it made me RGAHSGGFSDF because WOW. theyre literally SOUL BONDED whether they want to be or not. i want them to reconcile i need to get them to talk. idk how i build rex's bar but i WANT IT RAHHH

[dragon-queen21]

hi back again ! sorry for my small absence, my school year just finished and testing is approachin & ive been very stressed ☹️

but this time its gonna be about sanji (like the last two were supposed to) this is actually kind of angsty,, um,,, whoopsie

-i have a hc that during wholecake when sanji was with his family he was actually regressin. i dont think he was fully regressed but definitely wasnt fully big the entire time. please tell me you understand what im gettin at here. the amount of stress he must have been dealin with, unfortunately he needed to cope somehow, kind of angsty i know, but sanji fully regressin the second hes safe and with his crew again, and luffy (and the crew) just being there to help him (they didnt leave his side for hours)

-sanji is the straw hats resident baby like i said in a previous ask i believe that him and luffy regress the youngest, both needin the most care and attention out of everyone else in their straw hats agere universe. hes not as clingy as luffy, but will get fussy if someones not with him

-for some reason i am so diggin usopp watchin lil sanji, I DONT KNOW I FEEL LIKE THEYD HAVE A BLAST

i feel like usopp would be tryin SOOOO hard to helo sanji have a good time considerin usopps not his primary cg

-the girls are the ones who mostly care for sanji when hes little, robin being a little more motherly, and nami bein sweet and spoiling the hell out of him

-sanji called one of the girls “mommy” once and got SO embarrassed. locked himself in the kitchen stress bakin until the one he gave the title too came and talked to him

-once JUST ONCE he called zeff when he was really little and was genuinely tryin his hardest to act big when he was talkin to zeff. i cant imagine how he would react exactly, or if he woukd even understand what was happenin or what agere even was, but he raised this boy he can tell when somethins up. imagine franky, or robin, brook or someone findin him and having to slowwwlllyyy take it away from him and apologize to zeff so he can get back to his job

OKAY IM DONE BECAUSE IM TIRED RAAAH I HOOE YOUR HAVING A GOOD DAY sorry i think this is really difficult from my normal asks/rambles sanji is more personal to me than anyone else on the crew so i think about his highs and lows a lot more than anyone else in the crew! im sorry if its a bit to angsty ☹️

(also sorry i want to drop this,, inosuke agere? real? him regressing and hes just like a nonverbal baby boar. very very energetic kiddo)

(ive also been slightly fixated on ‘metal family’ recently as well. mom the hyperfixations are fightin)

📷

Hi hi! Good to see ya :D please ignore how long it took me to respond, this has been such a busy week for me and my mental health has been a roller coaster. Ooh I get the stress before tests, praying to Jesus for you that all goes well <3 Make sure to study a little, take breaks, and get a good night sleep before and I bet you will do just great! :D

Okay onto headcanons now~

~Sanji kind of teetering between headspaces is so real. Not feeling safe enough to fully regress but also his brain pushing him to be small because he’s upset and usually being small means getting comfort. He would probably crash and burn for days after once it finally hits him that he’s safe. Practically drunk of off familiarity of his crew.

While I am kind of aware of whole cake I’m not up that point in the anime, if I was I would give you a better comment, but alas :<

~The resident baby prince. Ahhh I love him so much. First thing I thought of is Sanji being sat in the corner with a blanket and some toys content to play by himself, but the moment whoever is watching over him leaves it’s instantly tears and crying. Object permanence who? If the baby can’t see his crew they therefor must have disappeared and left him and he is going to be sad about it forever. Never to be consoled agai- oh wait never mind they’re back now. All is right with the world.

~Usopp watching over anyone would have a blast. Let’s be honest- it’s Usopp. Something about him just screams caregiver coded.

~Okay but Sanji calling Robin “mama” promptly realizing what he’s said because Robin is so shocked she’s not responding, he’s not about to stick around and find out what she thinks of the accidental nickname, and going to stress bake for hours <- the best idea ever. It makes me so happy. Bdbjbcjdnjdnsj (Like I haven’t said this a hundred times before, I’m soft for mama Robin can you tell :3 )

~I’ll raise you one. Calling up Zeff but it keeps happening when Sanji is looking after regressors. The phrase “I’m telling!” gives Sanji a near heart attack. The ex pirate has gotten used to getting calls from little straw-hats, so imagine his shock when it’s Sanji regressed and calling.

These weren’t too different I would say. Besides I absolutely adore angst just as much as I love fluff. Like let the baby’s suffer a bit >:3

(Very real. The most real actually. Inosuke never got to experience a normal childhood. Let. Him. Cope. 👏)

“mom the hyperfixations are fightin”

😭😂 love that

I’ve never heard if metal family before. I do however understand the fight between hyperfixations. (Looks towards the 5,000+ word Genshin Impact fic I’ve been writing and essentially ignoring all my other current projects for) It’s tough being in multiple fandoms, the struggle is real my friend

[tweeterwilbury]

Top 5 George moments

I'm trying to answer this but it's so hard to me. Somehow i seem to have forgotten everything, or if i try to rank the moments, i will feel like im missing something.

So, i can tell you that the concert for bangladesh is top 1. But im trying to think about the others and ranking just . Wont work now. Some of the things i thought are:

-When he went to do a photoshoot and the guy taking pictures bought some ukuleles because he knew he liked ukuleles. And then in the end george took one of the ukuleles with him. Plus he also quoted tangled up in blue.

-Writing behind that locked door about bob dylan (specifically that song.)

-life of brian. I dont need to elaborate and i understand him i would do the same things with my hyperfixations.

-crackebox palace mv!!!!!! As a whole!!!!

My brain is blank now, which is very sad because i had thought about more moments when i saw the ask. Sorry for not elaborating too much, i really would love to answer it with everything i thought 😭

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

Thank u so much for the lore answer, I love the cotton candy sweetness of fluff but ima lil drunk right now, so i wanted to share a f-ed up question if that's okay, (you'r free to not answer if not,) but since Bo is so determined to like not fuck upnot be sent back n stuff what kind of stuff would he avoid doing around MC 4hat he used to do around his previous masters?

and like, if its related or not, i had this headcanon that im glad u gave some bo backstory for bc where it was like, wat would happen if he accidentally caused a accident with all his adorbs puppy energy, like he's playing tag with Jack or somethin and with Bos megahuge beach boy buff arms just knocks MC down the flight of their fancy imported italian marble stairs edged with silver (they say this as they're fallin down btw 'ah! Im falling down my fancy imported italian marblestairshks Im stupid)

but anyway yea they break something or get like super injured or something and ofc the ambulance has to be called and they're taken ro the hospital to stay for awhile, which sucks bc like ofc society looks down on hybrids so everyone is side eyeing this adorable zoo mansion bc they're lame and 1 brain celled and like "thats wat happens when u have a house full of wild animals they should be put down if u ask me" and MCs attitude is like a grim but professional "if i had both my arms Id beat ur ass bitch, wats ur @? Soon as this morphine drip is done its over for u hoes" but like they probably have a cast or somethin . Anyway MC's worried about the boys, and me the OP is worried about Bo bc like Trauma city would hit his brain harrd, and i dont even know if the other guys would be so forgiving and stuff bc i mean they Should they're a family, but that was two(2) flights of imported italian marble dude, fuck, why play football tag,, in the house?? And idk i just felt bad bc jack n Bo esp probably would feel double bad even tho MC loves him so much he's just a hyper guy, he cant help his zoomzooms, i dont/cant fathom wat he and the boys would do in this situation probably pack his one thing (an old mc shoe) ina rucksack n try to run away miserably or maybe 24/7 at the hospitsl despite all the nasty looks and comments bc they're hybrids or magbe even hiding away bc he absolutely believes that mc will send him away once they lock eyes again, but regardless of either of those things, if MC has to roll up to the house in that (yknow that spongebob character guy who was born with glass bones and paper skin ass Giant ass full body cast on rollers??) To go find that boy and over the grand table firmly tell them not to harbor any horrible thoughts about themselves or each other, bc it was an accident and about lovin them unconditionally and being a family, i might cry or somethinf, the table is also imported italian maple btw MC-s parents had a thing i think they fucked an italian architect guy, or somethin anyway i luv u, im gonna eat a burrito so let me know if u want any thing from the kitchen luv u

Lemme know if tuis text is broken up enough bc i skimmed over it and i was like this is like the stat wars openin or some shit i put gaps in

🖤

First of all, sweety, for me, take a sip or two of water, ok? And make sure you sleep on your side if you're still drunk by then, forehead kisses all around

Anyways, Bo would just mask everything that brings him joy by the time you adopt him. No bouncing, no stimming in general, no talking unless asked, no indulging in his hyperfixations or special interests, he even tries to limit his tail wagging. He's come to correlate his own joy with bad behavior so he's just straight up not him when you first meet him

Holy shit, this is good, but fuck man. Bo wouldn't know what to do with himself. Once the ambulance takes you away he thinks you died. He's in full shutdown, no talking, no eating, no moving off your bed and your scent

Jack would also be distraught, both because he was playing with Bo and because he cleans those stairs so often they're just a little more slippery from how clean they are. He stays with Bo most days, Rory coming in with meals to make sure they don't starve in there. Jack eats a little. Bo doesn't

Rory feels bad for Jack and Bo, he knows they didn't mean it and trusts Jack's recount of events. Nick keeps himself busy by visiting you in the hospital, Shaun wants to go too but since cat's are a popular allergen he's not allowed in unless he needs care. Ian goes as often as he can so he doesn't have enough time to plot Bo's death. Jean and Berry are pissed and openly talk about kicking Bo out. They know better than to talk about Jack like that with Rory around. Joseph is stuck as peace maker until you get back, making sure that no fights break out and they Jean doesn't poisons Bo's food with onions, not that he'd eat it anyhow

When you finally get home and tell everyone that you forgive Bo seeing as it was an accident Bo finally lets everything hit him and cries. He's on his best behavior the months following, you'll have to reteach him to drop his "good boy" mask and be himself

[zumicho]

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE LONG ASKS BC I DO TOO!!! LIKE AS A YAPPER I HAVE THINGS TO SAY AND I WILL SAY THEM 🔫🔫🔫 ANYWAYS!!!! LAST ASK OF THE DAY BEFORE I FINISH EATING AND RAWDOG TWO CHAPTERS OF CHEM NOTES AND THEN MORE I HOPE

ONE THING I NOTICED IS THAT IM ALWAYS EATINF WHILE SENDINF ASKS TO PEOPLE?? LIKE IM SENDING AN ASK TO NESS AND IM EATING LUNCH OR BREAKFAST OR SOMETHINF AND EVEN NOW!! IM EATING LUNCH🫢🫢🫢

anyways just remembered i have school on saturday i think i shall Cry BUT CONTINUING

about the movies!! at heart ive always been a marvel baby <- one of the reasons why i didnt branch out of anything really but i love love love marvel sm!! or i love the older movies.. new ones just dont hit the same

like last month i saw your ask title (underoos) and so i watched the clip from civil war and almost SOBBED the nostalgia omfg WHATS UR FAVOURITE MARVEL MOVIE btw!! mine is the winter soldier <333 or age of ultron or the original avengers OR RAGNAROK OR THE GUARDIANS I LOVE THE GUARDIANS SM ALL THEIR MOVIES R 10/10 ALWAYS as u can see i was like hardcore a fan <3 irs so embarrassing like i have marvel tshirts and a (broken) mjolnir keychain and a bunch of original comics and a thor funko and a loki badge pin thing (but i lost?? it?? i think????) AND I READ LIKE AT LEAST 500 COMIC ISSUES OVER 2020-2022 AND THE SHOWS WERE ALSO<3333 like me and my sister would watch them together ,, good times..

I WENT OFF ON SUCH A TANGENT WHAT THE HECK!!!! I WAS GOING TO SAY recently i watched american psycho and it was like,, cool i enjoyed it except for the smex and also my english teacher talking about health and giving us unnecessary unasked for therapy(?( bc i was actually watching it in (online) english class. ALSO I STARTED WTACHING MEAN GIRKS TODAY BC ONLINE CLASS AGAIN BUT THEN THE ENGLISH TEACHER GOT WEIRD SO I HAD TO LOCK IN TO SAVE THE CLASS (i succeeded)

MY BIRTHDAY IS MARCH 16TH IT'S PRETTY CLOSE TO URS AND MAYBE IM WEIRD FOR THIS BUT WHENEVER SOMEONE TELLS ME THEIR BDAY I (INVOLUNTARILY) CALCULATE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM IN A YEAR AND I MUST SAY ITS A VERY SATISFYING TIME DIFFERENCE (IM WEIRD!!!! I KNOW!!!!! math kid moment) ANYWAYS I SHOULD STOP USING ALL CAPS LIKE THIS and go study BYE <33

best of luck with chem and school !! more under the cut again lmao

the eating while sending asks is ipad kid behavior but don’t get me wrong that’s not an insult I’m right there with u .. call it multitasking or something I guess? ??

I’m gonna put the movie recs last because I will geek tf out and forget about everything else ,, MCU AAAAA YES I GREW UP ON THOSE MOVIES THEY HAVE MY HEART !!!! IM ALWAYS DOWN FOR A MARVEL RAMBLE ANY DAY ANY TIME !!! age of ultron is my fav avg film but my hyperfixation on spidey in general has me attached to nwh <3 ITS THE CAMEOS FOR ME + THE CINEMA EXPERIENCE WAS CRAZY 😭 andrew and tobey trigger nostalgia like nothing else .. underoos was a nod to my favorite dynamic in the mcu (peter & tony) <3333 i love how i said I’d talk movies last but I’m already typing all this out like a maniac ,, anyway

hemsworth was my first celebrity crush so i get the thor love 100%, tho i hated love and thunder with a passion ‼️ that movie — HARD flop. ragnarok was great

I can’t not mention wandavision the graphics were insane and there was so much wasted potential for it to just end like that :// I was so frustrated ugh .. I haven’t seen daredevil (though I want to), and shehulk looks terrible. got bored of tfatws

LOKI OH MY GOD LOKI WAS INCREDIBLE HELLO THE PLOT ?? I’m a sucker for plot twists and unpredictability cause I have good intuition (sounds like a positive, but not when you’re watching something) LOKI WAS SO GOOD THOUGH. this is where my movie recs start :)

if you liked loki, please please watch everywhere everything all at once.

if you liked mean girls, watch 10 things I hate about you, the breakfast club (<3), clueless, how to lose a guy in 10 days, pretty woman

for american psycho, watch the social network, fight club, x + pearl + maxxxine, kill bill, maybe .. pulp fiction? <- check the content warnings for each of these though !!!

my general recs are the grand budapest hotel, goodfellas, little women (2019), moonstruck, challengers, and juno !!

oh and this is incredibly random ,, I think you’d maybe like whiplash (2014) if you haven’t seen it — just based off of vibe

the best ones are bolded in red !! i know these are a lot sorry 😭😭😭😭😭 this is my happy topic and if u don’t give me the specific mood ur in I go crazy

AND MARCH 16 !!! GOT IT !!! <3 all my love

[fandom-blackhole]

These are /great/ character building questions, thank you! I will say also that I have very surface level knowledge of the comics bc unfortunately I've never had time to sit and read them, but I know a little from past hyperfixations on different X-Men (mostly my beloved Kurt <3). Also, sorry, @comicbookhyperfixationtime that I didn't answer in the comments, I got really ramble-y answering the questions, so it would have taken up more than one message, lol.

-How long does she keep the memories?

A big influence here is me currently finishing out a class called Cognitive Processes which talks /alot/ about memory. So short-term memory lasts ~7 +or- 2 secs if no rehearsal is allowed, and after 18 secs information is overloaded, but this is all with no rehearsal. With rehearsal through remembering things in chunks short term memory can be as good as up to 30 seconds give or take on average. Versus long term memory which starts degrading the second you see if but you are able to recall memories through priming (or you see/feel/smell/taste/ect something and it brings forth a memory). So pulling from this I'd say she's able to nearly fully recall what she sees for around a 1 min maybe 1.5 minutes just because of her mutation has strengthened her memory so she's able to recall longer. Now I think some fragments of the memories she sees do get put into her long term memory so she'd be able to recall them later just in lesser detail. I think though a big thing for her would be remembering as purely as possible so she'd write things down as quickly as possible so that her own thoughts/prejudices/opinions don't warp the memories, especially if they are super important information.

-How many memories can she have in her head at once?

I think it depends on what all information she is getting, if it's a lot of severe/tragic information probably only 1 person's memories every 2-3 hours, but she is able to keep all of the memories from the person. If the memories are more simple (i.e. an easy life with only a few troubles) she could hold onto maybe 2 or 3 peoples memories and still be able to differentiate. Any more than that and she will quickly become overwhelmed and most likely get to the point where it all triggers a massive migraine where she won't even be able to tell the other's memories from her own.

-How difficult is it to distinguish her memories from everyone else's?

At the current stage of where I see her I would say she can't distinguish between her memories and the other person's while she in actively seeing and processing the other person's memories, however once she's "back in her own body" so to say she can differentiate between her own and someone else's memories.This is all as long as she isn't overloaded, because like I said in the previous question once she's overloaded it triggers a migraine and she is all but locked bouncing between her own memories and the other persons'. When she's like that she isn't really seeing reality, she's quite literally locked within her mind until she's able to calm and sort everything out (she sees her mind as an archive in these moments and it helps her sift and organize, and Im going to say Prof X is the one that helped her develop this system) before "coming too". If the episode is really bad and the new memories have primers that recall other memories she has stored away they too will be added to the mess, making things even more difficult. I would say her episodes can last anywhere from a couple of hours to a few days, all depending on the severity/importance of the memories she was overloaded with. I also think since she keeps pieces of every person's memories she's come in contact with over time she is more suseptible to having these episodes so she works/trains to strengthen her mind and researches ways to expand memory to keep a head of the episodes.

-Does it affect her personality?

Im going to say no overall. Like she doesn't take on someone else's anger issues or such. I just think the more memories she has to take in nearly back to back the more just irritable she gets, kinda like how mood swings happen with menstruation, but that's mostly as she's coming out and processing the memories, it's more that her brain is a little confused and working overtime to process everything so she just needs a little space, but once she's processed everything she basically goes back to being kind of her own kinda meek self apologizing for for snippy and relays the information she learned. I think the "personality change" mostly just comes from feeling drained most of the time, and probably the headaches she gets.

-Does she pick up muscle memory as well or just physical memory?

Just physical memory I think for now. Maybe if she gets more training or a traumatic event happens that pulls new abilities she may pick up muscle memory as well, but as of like where I currently have her in my head she is just seeing a person's memories, sort of like a first person video game and being able to pick out what the person was feeling in each memory, though during she is mostly feeling her own emotions at whatever she is seeing (like for example when she first saw the serial killers memories when her power first developed, as she watched him kill she could pick up that he felt justified and some glee in killing the person, but she felt nothing but disgust and horror watching everything play out).

I'd love to talk about her more, and maybe build up how I think her and Kurt have interacted/form their relationship if anyone wants to ask more questions!

How come a small lil self portrait VERY quickly spiraled into making an OC and some of the best fanart I've ever made???

I also have been awake all night so I know for sure I will never meet this level of skill ever again.....

For those curious, art beneath the cut 🫣

Self Portrait (she looks way better than me)->

OC Info:

Like nothing 🤦‍♀️

Mutantation-> touches someone can see their past

Her mutation often overwhelms her so she wears gloves alot or just keeps her arms crossed with hr hands tucked close

She bonds with Rogue over not wanting to touch people

Went to school for psychology and graduated with a Masters in clinical psych

Was only 3 months into her first post-graduation job when her powers first manifested (she shook hands with a client at the hospital she worked for and seen all the mutants he'd murdered, aka serial killer)

it fucked her in the head before she used all her saving to fly to see Dr. Xavier who took care of the man and then offered her a job working with those who lived at the mansion and attended the school under his care

She tried to decline before he offered to pay for her doctorate

Kurt/Nightcrawler was one of her first friends (aka typical friends to lovers trope)

She isn't technically a part of the X-Men team, I made her a suit bc I could and I liked the angsty pose, I'm sure I'll come up with a backstory for it

ANDDDDD she's literally pretty much me guys 🤷‍♀️

I mean this started as a self portrait bc I was bored and SPIRALED

But uhhhh yeah this is gonna be my hyperfixation for a minute so if you wanna bring me character questions for her in an attempt to flesh her out I'd love that :))

[why-am-i-here-someone-save-me]

@reinbouxsworld I DID THE THING! THE THING I ASKED ABOUT! I DID IT! WHOOOOO!!! HOLY SHIT THAT TOOK A LONG TIME IM GONNA GO PASS OUT NOW (also plz tell me what you think about it because i genuinely really really want to know 🥺)

also this is like literally my first time writing for the twst fandom so like have mercy with me y’all-

@chiaraghia You introduced me to this game and I blame you entirely for this new hyperfixation 😤 thank you bby

This fic is inspired by this glorious post by the amazing @reinbouxsworld

Of Darkness & Dreams

You struggled to keep yourself steady, adrenaline threatening to expose your uneasiness at your situation. Considering who was in front of you, that would most certainly be a bad move. It was almost surreal. You’d never been afraid of him before, but now…

Now you were beginning to understand why his reputation was so intimidating. Now you were starting to grasp why so many people were nervous about him.

“Malleus I-” Your words were cut off by the fae holding a finger to your lips, an indecipherable expression in his eyes. You were… honestly not sure how to feel about this.

On one hand this was Malleus, your friend, arguably your best friend! You cared about him deeply, and well… You had assumed he cared for you as well.

This pressure though… This was nothing like the Malleus you knew. This was new. This was different. This was… frightening.

This wasn’t Malleus, your best friend.

This wasn’t Malleus who would excitedly talk about gargoyles with you.

This wasn’t the Malleus that you had fallen for.

This was Malleus Draconia.

This was the Thorn Prince.

“You’re shivering… Are you cold [Name]?” He wasn’t wrong, you were indeed shivering. Not of chilliness, but rather of fright. You were afraid of the person in front of you. You were afraid but yet… You still loved him. As frightening as he is at the moment, you loved him. You loved Malleus.

“No, that’s not it is it..?” The fae’s eyes widened slightly in realization. “You are afraid… [Name] you aren’t… Y-You aren’t afraid of me, right?” If you weren’t as close to him as you are, you wouldn’t have noticed the way that Malleus’ voice trembled. He looked as though you’d just told him you hated him, hurt and betrayal swirling in his green eyes. You wanted to reassure him that you loved him, that you cared about him deeply, even if you were a little bit on edge at the moment. You swallowed thickly and opened your mouth to deny the fact that you were scared, but the words died in your throat as you locked gazes with him. His expression sharpened slightly, and when he next spoke, his words were steely, harsher than any words you’d ever heard from Malleus before.

“[Name]. Answer me. Do you fear me?”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. It was an order.

You found the words pouring out from your lips without your input, complying with the fae’s instruction without any regard to your own volitions. “…I am afraid Malleus. You are frightening me. I don’t want to be afraid of you. I care for you, b-but I’m afraid. I-I’m sorry…”

Malleus looked as though you had just stabbed him through his heart, betrayal readily apparent in his features. He turned away from you, releasing you from his arms. Instinctively you reached out for him, trying to comfort him, but you froze when the fae practically snarled at you. “Don’t.” You flinched back, your body ignoring your orders to hug the distressed fae. You stood there trembling, unsure how to rectify the situation.

“……I thought you were different than the others [Name]. You treated me like… like a normal person. You accepted me as I was and I trusted you! I trusted you! I trusted you and I loved you!!!”

You’d never heard him so furious. But almost as quickly as it came Malleus’ fury fizzled out, his fit of rage seemingly having passed.

The amount of pressure in the air told you otherwise.

“…No. No I refuse to accept this… Am I not good enough for you [Name]? Is that it?”

You blinked a few times in shock. Good enough? Malleus? Was he joking? No, no he wouldn’t be this erratic if it were a joke. “Not good enough? Malleus that’s… That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard-” He cut you off before you could finish. “You aren’t denying it. So that’s it then, isn’t it?”

Before you could retort you register a soft sound, which seemed deafening due to the previous silence.

plip.

plip.

plip.

plip plip.

plip plip.

plip plip plip.

A bitter, acrid smell suddenly reached you, causing your eyes to water. It was one you were far more familiar with than you’d have liked. You instinctively stumbled back a bit, knowing what was happening yet unable to prevent it from unfolding. Your stomach twisted uneasily, queasy at the memories associated with the all to familiar stench. You already knew what it was.

Blot.

“M-Malleus wait c-calm down please, d-don’t let go of yourself. F-Focus Malleus focus! Y-You’ve got to calm down, p-please calm down-” Your words were interrupted by a small gasp of surprise, as in the blink of an eye Malleus had turned to face you once again, tilting your face towards him with a gentle touch. You shuddered involuntarily.

Malleus’ beautiful green eyes were locked onto you, yet seemed unfocused despite the intensity of his gaze. Just as you had dreaded, an oily black color was bleeding down your dearest friend’s face, staining it with the same pitch black darkness that you’d seen so many of your other friends succumb to. Already it was dripping to the floor, the stench so potent it left your head spinning.

“M-Malleus y-you-” Once more he held a finger to your lips, quieting your protests. The vacant look in his eyes was gone, leaving in its place the presence of wistfulness and longing in its place. “Shhh… No need for words right now my dearest Child of Man. There will be a time for that later.”

The fae cradled your face in his hands, lime green eyes literally glowing with both emotion and magic. “For now my love-” A flicker of brilliant green fire danced in front of your eyes, stealing your attention. You wanted to look away, you knew you needed to look away, yet you couldn’t tear your eyes from the flame’s emerald light.

“-Here, a gift from me…”

The fire vanished, freeing you from the trance it had placed you in. Confusion filled you, only to give way to realization moments later, and turned to despair seconds after.

You felt sleepy.

You shouldn’t be, you’re terrified right now, adrenaline should be keeping you alert and wide awake. You know its Malleus. You know he’s behind this. But the dullness that was washing over your senses didn’t abide by your logic, and the exhaustion that had begun to dawn on your body cared little for your rationale. Your eyelids began to droop, even as you mumbled words of protest.

“…N-No Malleus p-please… I d-don’t wa-want to… sl-sleep… st-stop pl-please st-stop…”

The prince merely chuckled a small bit in response to your drowsy pleas, smiling down at you as you began to fall into his arms, to exhausted to hold yourself up any longer.

“There is no need to be afraid.”

The world around you began to grow dark and blurry, sounds fading in and out and colors spinning and swirling together like an artist mixing a new hue.

“A thousand years will feel like a dream; And I will give you a real happy ending…”

Your eyes finally closed as you succumbed to the spell, breathing slowing down as the thorny tendrils of cursed sleep ensnared your psyche.

“Sleep well my love…”

[sullengirl416]

things you didn’t know about him

part 1

warnings: none it's just fluff i guess lol and this might not be proofread because im so lazy so I apologize for any grammar errors in advance 🦥

notes: i absolutely love this bc this is what i imagine megumi. also forgive me again. idk if this is called a headcanon or something like that i forgot the word for it ���� aaand i think about this a lot and it feels rlly nice to write ab it :) anyways hope u enjoy dis :P

We all know 'gumi bear likes to keep to himself and is very private with his life. But before you dated Megumi, you were very good friends with him and his friends Nobara and Yuuji. Y'all would do every thing together and often hang out in each other's houses whenever you plan to. Even though you did your best to make him share to you about his personal life, there were some things you didn't quite know about when you two first started dating. Things like:

-he wears reading glasses

-he only uses them when he's using his laptop or more often when he's reading. his glasses look something like this and boy does he look HANDSOME with them.

-though he never really wears them in public or outside his home just because and only because when he does he'll find Nobara and Yuuji teasing the heck out of him (pls save dis boi)

-and plus it makes you feel really lucky and happy that you're the only one who can see him like this a lot.

-in the beginning of your relationship, you already know most about him and he thought he didn't need to tell you he wears glasses and you were a SUCKER for pretty boys with glasses.. (I know I am 😏)... but oh my god this man looks so good in them.

-you would very often just stare at him while he reads, watching him as he pushes the bridge of the eyeglasses to prevent it from leaving his nose until he notices your drooliness and he just goes "what are you staring at?" he asked you, smiling. "nothing" you say, and you immediately turn away, covering you face as you thought to yourself "he's so pretty i want to cry". the simple act makes you fall over and over again for this boy, honestly.

-but of course there was always that one time when you first noticed his pretty face become even prettier with his black framed glasses.

"hey, 'gumi?" you spoke up as you watch your boyfriend open the pages of his book while pushing the right rim upward with his knuckle. he hummed in response, slightly shifting his attention to you as he focuses on his book. "I didn't know you wore glasses" you said smilingly to the boy leaning on the headboard of his bed.

he turns to you and sees your smirk while he tries to hide his blushing face but fails miserably. you made your way towards the bed as he stutters "oh- um- well- yes."

you try your best to seductively take the book away from his hands and gently put them on the bed as he watches you sit on his lap.

both of your arms made their way up to his, wrapping them around his neck as you used your other hand to ruffle the hair near his nape. and he just stares at you, obviously blushing but a confused expression is sculpted on his face.

"um-" he starts. you lightly giggle as you bite your lower lip. "what?" confused, as he asks you, your hand still playing with his soft locks. you leaned into his ear, feeling your warm breath near the helix of his ear as you whisper the words

"you're just so pretty with those glasses, it makes me wanna kiss you."

after hearing those words, he combusts.

every ounce of his being now swallowed whole with the feeling of so much blood pooling in the apples of his cheeks. he's was so hyperfixated in blushing so hard his eyes are almost watery.

you pull away and smiled at him softly as you tilt your head playfully. with him avoiding eye contact with you, you gently grabbed his jaw, signaling him to look at you in the eyes.

you closed the gap between the two of you as you closed you eyes as you kissed him softly. you smile in the kiss as you felt him kiss you back then you pull away, hearing him faintly whine from your recent action.

you smile at him again teasingly as you looked at him, kissed his temple, preparing yourself to leave his lap only for him to take his glasses off and pull your arm to kiss you again. deeply this time.

his actions made you squeal and giggle right after, once again wrapping your arms around his neck.

"i guess i should start wearing my glasses more often then" he smirks.

whew I definitely blushed and squealed so many times while writing this um. leave your thoughts in the comments below lmk whatcha think.;) also im sorry idk how to write kissing scenes :/ I'll post a part 2 soon :P

[borom1r]

💕 ✨💎💢🎥🏳‍🌈 + Saw (all the Saw movies you enjoy if you want)

I’ll just do th franchise as a whole instead of individually shfhdh

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

ITS COMPLEX and not in like a “oooo jigsaw is RIGHT” way but a Everyone Kind Of Fucking Sucks, At Least A Little way and a Nobody Is Morally Superior way. I like seeing fucked up little bastards go thru hell and then when I like them a lot but they died I like pretending that Didn’t happen and making them kiss other fucked up little bastards like I’m playing with the world’s worst barbies

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

yeeee i LOVE!!!!!!! LOVE when Eric is chasing Amanda thru the tunnels im sorry that’s so sexy. same when he’s beating John to death in 2. there’s nothing morally wrong with violence against serial torturers in fact he deserves sloppy for it. (half joking)

um for a serious answer tho: obvs the end of 1 where your forehead is pressed against mine. also when u lock Hoffman up in 3D. mmmmnn the scene in 2 where we see Eric thru the cage and he’s struggling w/ himself, and when earlier he calls Daniel. any time in IV where Art grabs his waist to explain things. the water cube scene just for the imagery

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

HI I FEEL LIKE U HAVE ALL HEARD ME SAY THESE THINGS ALREADY but it’s been a lil too long since I just talked abt Lawrence..

Lar makes me insane he is so layered and everyone who is upset about him becoming a jigsaw disciple makes me. rhrhfudufhdhf WHAT. that man was fully intending on just sitting in the dark doing nothing until Adam woke up if u take away his structure he crumbles and guess what John did! ripped it away and said “look, I have a newer, shinier, Better structure” so OFC Lawrence was like. Yes Please! ofc he was. he is a sad little man he is the prettiest dilf in the whole world i want to pick him up and shake him like a ragdoll. he contains MULTITUDES and some of those multitudes are just being a weird fucking gremlin during group therapy. I love him for it.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

YES I HAVE. A LOT. i will just link th post lol: here!

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

HMMM. YEA where do i. even START.

1) the original RBT in SAW 0.5 was fully functional and made of metal. as in it probably could’ve killed someone; the one Shawnee wears was also fully functional in that it opens and legitimately could explode a styrofoam head, but was much lighter and much much safer

2) Cary got stuck in his shackle one day. props used the wrong pin and couldn’t get it back open skfjdh

3) the needles in the needle pit? about 50% real, 50% CG. needles removed obviously, and filled with ranch dressing I believe

4) almost every character in the nerve gas house can be seen in/around Jill’s clinic at some point in one of the other films. I BELIEVE it’s only Daniel + Laura who don’t cameo, but I’m not 100% sure

5) about 75% of the time we see Eric in IV, it’s not actually Donnie. very funny to listen to the director’s commentary while Darren points out each time it’s Not Donnie— they only got him on set for a day

6) additionally, the rat scene wasn’t part of the script, that was just Donnie fucking around + Darren liked it so much he kept it

7) the majority of the traps in IV were fully functional! the mausoleum trap was legit, the ice blocks were real, the scalping seat was real and was intended to be entirely practical but they couldn’t get the scalp application to look right so THAT had to be CG (the chair was still real!), the motel room trap was real! fucked up!

8) very little of the SFX in V was digital. specifically the ones you’d expect— Charles’ corpse was a practical effect, as was Mallick’s arm! it was a fully articulated prosthesis!

9) they didn’t use stunt doubles or CG for the water cube, that was ALL Scott Patterson in a metal box with a team of effects people on standby. the front + back panels were hinged, so they’d roll until he gave the signal + said team would rush in, release both panels and drain the water. I think one of my fav bts pics ever is of Scott with a snorkel so they could fill the cube back up before rolling lol

10) 3D was supposed to be 2 movies but bc V sucked nobody saw VI, it tanked too and Lionsgate said fuck this shit + smashed it into one movie. which is why it feels like such a clusterfuck. somewhere out there is a Lionsgate exec who I plan on personally breaking their kneecaps for this. we got stuck with Jigsaw and Spiral because of that asshole and they WILL pay.

💢 what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?

i do not like the fandom. don’t get me wrong I have a lot of complaints abt the series as a whole particularly how it treats women and I think in general it is not nearly as good past the first two as people give it credit for. 3 is a horrible movie imho but god forbid you dislike it/prefer anything after it. but overall I think it’s a franchise you cannot take seriously bc if you do it’s like beating your head against a brick wall. I love it so much but it’s quite literally Not That Deep. it is the same level as John’s cult bullshit it sounds complex but really it’s like. Ok Grandpa Let’s Get You To Bed :)

anyways i don’t think I have any followers here who didn’t also follow my old blog so i feel comfortable saying Yea, I remade bc of ppl in the saw fandom w/ zero comprehension of fiction vs reality and god I don’t mean that in a proship way I mean that in a “just because I like a fictional rancid man doesn’t mean I base my entire morality around excusing his actions.” no I’m not openly critical of my interests bc it’s exhausting and I come here to be a mentally ill faggot on main not write essays defining why he’s Horrible, Actually. tiresome.

anyways saw becoming popular was a mistake

[voidbeans]

📃 and 💕??

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

I am. So glad you asked. *clears throat*

Fringe is a sci-fi tv show that ran from 2009-2013 (which i think is one of the reasons the fandom is pretty much nonexistent). But the actual plot concerns an fbi agent getting assigned to a somewhat secret division that investigates strange and fucked up happenings!! the team consists entirely of:

the aforementioned fbi agent, Agent Olivia Dunham (beloved <3), who.. well, i'm not sure how much i can say without. spoilers.

Dr. Walter Bishop, a scientist who was locked up in a mental institution for 17 years, who used to do a lot of fucked up science with his partner (which i think is the reason he was at the institution?). So he's kind of an expert in Weird. He's also. One of the sincerely greatest tv characters. Ever. In so many ways.

Peter Bishop, Walter's very estranged son who is here entirely for the purpose of taking care of his father, which he does NOT want to do. He's been off doing some shady stuff for the past 10 or so years, so Liv's kind of blackmailing him into helping out (at first). He's a bastard (affectionate).

Agent Astrid Farnsworth, another fbi agent who does a lot of help around the lab. She puts up with so much shit. im in love with her.

they operate out of Walter's old lab in the basement of Harvard (yes the school). they have a cow who lives in the lab. her name is Gene. Other characters include the head of Fringe Division (that's what it's called, because of fringe science, which is stuff like time travel and alternate dimensions and telekenesis and lots of stuff like that), a few other assorted agents who work with the team (charlie my beloved), and Massive Dynamic, a huge tech company owned by Walter's old partner, who is something of an enigma.

This is just the basic premise there is. So much going on. I love it because the more answers you get, the more questions you have. And I don't want to spoil anything but. Yeah. God there is so much i love about this show.. ok, it's very subtle, but to me fringe is at heart a found family show, the characters and their dynamics and relationships are what really drive it for me. they all grow to love each other SO MUCH I'M,,, anyway. also fucked up science <3

there is so much more i could say but i don't want to spoil anything so. moving on. (also adding a read more bc this is getting long)

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

hhngh. I literally love all of the characters in this show for so many reasons. I'm gonna start by telling you what draws me to the characters in general. It's like. They're people. They're all extremely flawed but they also all have so many redeeming qualities and they try and they fail and they make mistakes and they fight and they hurt and they hurt each other and they love each other and they're just. HUAGH. that being said. WALTER. He is. He's so complicated. I'm gonna try to go into this without spoiling anything bear with me. This man has made.. so many mistakes. He has done so many things that are just. Wrong and he KNOWS it and he tries. He tries to fix them. But he can't always fix them, and he knows that and accepts that but he still tries. He knows he has the potential to hurt everyone around him in so many ways but he still goes headfirst into forming relationships and caring for everyone. He's ridiculous. He does. The craziest things. he does fucked up experiments to try to make himself smarter at 2 am in the morning. in his kitchen. he tries to regrow a severed human ear inside an omelette. he's the very definition of a mad scientist. and he cares. so much. he cares SO MUCH. but he can also be a salty bitch when he feels like it. and he's scared, he's so scared of so many things. he's just. i'm not doing him justice he's so complicated and i LOVE HIM.

[ablednt]

Hey Audit, how can you tell if something is an obession/compulsion? Can you experience that without full-blown OCD? (Tw since I'm going to go into vague detail) I get intrusive thoughts about causing harm to others and I spend a lot of time after getting those thoughts trying to "cancel them out" by thinking something in the "opposite direction" is that makes sense. It can impair my day-to-day activities. Do you have any resources that I could go to so I can better understand my dilemma? /gen

(This is coming from someone who hasn't known about their OCD very long and has yet to really interact with the community a lot so take this with a bucket of salt)

Honestly it's pretty hard to tell? Intrusive thoughts aren't unique to OCD but do they feel like...obsessive? From what I can tell non-OCDers are encouraged to ignore their intrusive thoughts rather than trying to cancel them out so if you can do that somehow (distractions, mindfulness/grounding exercises, etc.) then it's probably not an OCD thing(?) (But that's just a guess don't take my word for it)

How I tell if something is an obsession is if I fixate on it. I actually mistook this for my ADHD for years bc I was thinking "Yeah I have these really horrible hyperfixations I haven't told anyone about and they make me actively miserable and I'd give anything to stop them but I can't" but that was an obsession.

Some of these can last for years (We have one that is a direct result of repressed trauma that has worsened and worsened over the past 13 years or so but I'm not comfortable giving details)

And some can be more momentary. Like the brain recognizes that 1. Racism is very bad actually 2. I am capable of and often times oblivious to it. So this means my brain will spew whatever bullshit I know to be bad already literally any time it can. (This is different from times I'm actually perpetuating it and absolutely not an excuse for that, as this is stuff I know to be bad already. The brain just fixates on anything it can to make me feel like a bad person)

With OCD intrusive thoughts range in intensity but very often are completely unavoidable. If I ignore my intrusive thoughts they just repeat over and over in a loop because my brain is obsessing over it. I've had times where my brain obsessed over the repressed trauma thing and I was like no I don't want to compulse over this it's painful so I turned on a video game to distract myself but my brain just threw these thoughts at me over the game repeatedly until I gave up and compulsed.

Compulsions are things that you do to ease the obsessions (and said obsessions spawn from fears. I'm afraid of hurting innocent people so my brain obsesses on ways I could be bigoted or harmful, my compulsion in this case is two fold with repeatedly correcting each intrusive thought to defend myself like "no that's not right because-" and then to over explain everything I ever say around people I don't know well because if I'm not perfectly clear I'm a bigot actually/s)

Some compulsions are physical

Searching a room every time you enter to make sure it's safe

Checking to make sure doors are locked every time you go near front/back doors.

Looking behind a shower curtain when you go to the bathroom multiple times to make sure no one is in there

Etc.

And some compulsions are emotional or mental

Repeating things (not necessarily in the same words just. Really looping back around and thinking all the same things) mentally in response to intrusive thoughts

Apologizing too much to people

Daydreaming or visualization (MADD and OCD can intersect)

One very specific one is oftentimes if I feel afraid I'll tell someone my fears because the universe likes to prove me wrong so ocd is like haha yes it'll be ok now

Basically a compulsion either pacifies a fear through unrelated means ("im scared I'm a bad person but if I keep washing my hands I'll feel clean") or seeks to embrace it ("if I relive this traumatic memory every day I'll realize I deserved it and then it won't be trauma anymore" as you can see these ones are particularly heinous)

So that's OCD as I understand it. Unfortunately I don't have any resources because I happened to self dx after talking to a close friend with OCD and we've just sort of talked about it. If anyone else knows good OCD coping methods and resources though I'd be thrilled to boost them and also see if I can apply them.

[smutty-ki113r]

Hiya! I saw your blog and was interested in asking for a romantic matchup! You can involve nsfw if you would like.

My name is Ronan, my nickname is Ro, my most used pronouns are she/her/he/him. My sexuality is demi-sexual meaning I don’t get sexual attractions to people unless I have formed a strong emotional connection with said person. My zodiac is Scorpio (that’s pretty much all I know about that lmao) also my personality is ISTP-T

Starting with my mental trash I have a VERY low self esteem. I never liked the way I look and probably never will. I suffer from chronic depression that’s pretty much taken over my life. I have a very hard time with social cues and can come off as an asshole most of the time and I’m extremely blunt. People tend to think I’m cute since I’m fairly small; I’m a 5’3 Nordic female with thicker thighs. I am absolutely OBSESSED with The Legend of Zelda franchise, it’s been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty musical; I play bass, drums, and sing. I also voice act so that’s really fun. Not gonna lie I say I have a huge ego but really I just hate everyone. Having depression I mostly lock myself in my room and work on my art.

How I look: I have black/brown hair in a boy cut. I have big round hazel eyes, my face is round with slightly chubby cheeks and freckles. I want to get my lip pierced but sadly have not gotten to that yet.. My fashion sense is kinda everywhere but I typically go for the cottage core aesthetic. I love muted nature ish colors, I think they look so pretty. I love to go on long walks and sit alone at my local park. I find being alone outside very calming. When I’m not outside or in my room I’m mostly playing video games with my friends and kicking their ass. Believe it or not I used to do boxing but now I just lift weights and workout some. I have a long history of physical illnesses that really render my body kinda useless so I always try to strengthen myself up however I can. I spent most of my childhood in the hospital due to these illnesses. I have been homeschooled my whole school years but I taught myself German, Japanese, and computer science. I actually have a job around it. I’m terrible at explaining my feelings and asking for help so telling people I love them is a huge chore for me. A lot of the time you can find me alone singing to myself with my eyes closed daydreaming.

I love to read. My friends say I’m really boring but whatever. OH I’ve always wanted to be a DJ. I know its a really weird dream but it just looks so cool. Nobody ever expects the sick quiet girl to want to be a DJ. Speaking of shy I’m a huge introvert if you couldn’t figure that out already. I’m extremely shy, don’t talk to me I’ll run away or you’ll be enveloped in my Zelda talk. I have amazingly crazy music taste (according to my mom) I listen to mostly heavy metal and Corpse Husband.

NSFW: Huge HUGE brat. You want me to do something? Yeah fuck you. I’m a huge sub you can pretty much do anything to me. I have a big daddy kink like please let me call you daddy UGH. Also praise but degrade me at the same time? Please thanks. I’m also a pillow princess. Um um ddlg yes thanks.

I match you with…..💖BEN_DROWNED💖

NSFW bellow~

OK OK I KNOW I KNOW, DON’T @ me for picking Benny boy for you Ro. I just think it’s the right fit. Let me start off with the whole depression thing, BEN relates to locking himself in his room and hyperfixating on something. At least you’ll have a gaming buddy to get you through it. Plus, he’s a very competitive guy. Get him to not cheat and you will have fun for hours. Not to mention you sound a bit like Jeff in the way that you can come off as rude. BEN and Jeff are pretty good friends, so you’ll make a wonderful partner for BEN.

Voice acting? BEN will love that, he’ll try to get you to do different characters from his video games or even anime characters. He loves your chubby cheeks, likes to squish them and make them puckered and then give you kisses. It’s quite adorable. Zelda talk? Yeah you don’t need to worry about him running off about that.

BEN will be obsessed with the cottage core, probably likes those little white flowy dresses. Maybe one day wear those elf ears and surprise him, I think he’d think it’s cute. You should definetly do his makeup, put that holographic glitter on his cheeks and some hair clips in his hair- maybe a skirt if he feels up to it.

BEN is very understanding about your illnesses, in fact he would be super impressed that you even lift weights. And is so so supportive about you wanting to be a DJ. He gets excited and calls over Jeff to show him. He’s not very shy about saying I love you, maybe the first time but after it’s constant affection.

For the smut! He can get rough sometimes, loves the daddy kink. He’s the type to soak all that up like a sponge. Praises you for taking his cock so well but will call you pathetic for making those noises. Probably wants you to wrap your thighs around his head and suck your clit for hours, he likes to feel you cum.

Ok Ok I hope you enjoyed that! I love how you have a big ego and then- low self esteem, sounds like me. I literally hate myself so much and then… holy shit I’m the hottest person alive. I know what depression is like, those thoughts just wrap around your throat and choke the life out of you, and it’s not even fast. It’s every day just heavier and heavier, dragging you down and making you feel horrible. I mostly lock myself in my room too, but writing helps me through it. I love love love your hair, boy cuts are so cool. And get that lip piercing! IT WOULD LOOK AWESOME. I love that you’re talented in music, I wish I was musically inclined. Scorpios are so cool, like I said, my best friend is one and so I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I am so incredibly proud of you, homeschool and then the illness stuff must be so hard but you are so strong for going through it. You don’t deserve it but sometimes life works that way. It’s ok to be shy and introverted. For the record, I think you would make an awesome DJ. DO it, I believe in you, so should you. I mean we all have our passions, work hard enough and I promise you’ll get there. I used to write a lot about my feelings and nobody ever read it, but I continued and look where I am now! Im so proud of myself for having this account, and you for being ALIVE. Thats all you need to do, you don’t need to be cool, or popular or skinny to be an amazing person.

Ro, I swear you are an awesome person. I can clearly see it, and I promise one day you’ll look in the mirror and think the same. If your friends say you’re boring they aren’t your friends. They sort of suck because reading is so cool. Without readers I couldn’t be a writer now could I? I believe in you. I know you can do it. Lifting weights is so badass I couldn’t even- I can barely do 5 pound weights man. Ya know I believe that the people who go through the most pain and sadness are the ones who will be the happiest in the end. The universe has to give us back what we lost, there is balance in everything and pain is only temporary. Everything is temporary. So I promise it’ll be ok man, and hey, you’re valid. I see you ro, and I know that you’ll make great places someday.