#when i graduated high school i was so happy that my chance of death went way down

[aaaaatillathenun]

ugh we love cognitive dissonance a middle schooler was killed in a school shooting by a teenager there. 5 more people are injured, 1 in critical condition. When will this stop. When will there be a ban on guns

[satorusugurugurl]

i love everything you write like i wake up just to read them over and over again. could i request some more angst to smut please (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

JJK Men: Going from angsty to smutty!

Characters: Nanami Kento, Geto Suguru, Gojo Satoru, AFAB!Reader

Warnings: fighting, yelling, curing, smut, unprotected smut, creampies, dirty talk, making up, mentions of blood and death (Suguru’s) spitting daddy!kink, oral sex, male receiving

Word Count: 8,140 (oops)

A/N: HI Nonnie thank you for the request!! I'm so glad you're enjoying my stuff!! I had a lot of fun with these! I hope you enjoy! Love u! 💚💚💚

Nanami Kento:

Nanami Kento was leaving you again.

He left you once after you graduated high school, giving up the Jujutsu world for his salary job. That nearly destroyed you. You begged him to stay, but once he made up his mind, there was no changing it. So he left and was gone for four years. Until one day, he called Gojo, telling him he wanted back in.

Of course, you were happy to see him back, but you were hesitant to get close to him again. But fate had other plans for you. Everywhere you went, he was always there. Whether you were getting drinks at the vending machines, in the break room, walking around school, or grabbing drinks with your coworkers and friends afterward. He'd always give you a sweet smile and motion to a spot next to him, to which you would refuse until you drunkenly made the mistake of stumbling over to him one night.

He looked so handsome, his hair pushed back, tie discarded, and top buttons undone on his dress shirt. Watching him chug down his beer with a slight flush dusting his cheeks made you feel stupid emotions like longing, lust, happiness, and hopefulness. Maybe if you were to open the door to a relationship with him, it would work out. Both of you have matured so much over the years. Maybe if you gave it another shot, it would work this time.

The night you threw your arms around him after downing a ton of shots to give you the liquid courage even to approach him, he was kind enough to make sure he drank water, took you, and told you you would discuss it in the morning when you woke up the next day with the pounding headache, Nanami was there with aspirin and a water bottle. Even without the alcohol, you were able to tell him that you missed him; you missed the two of you together.

And Nanami felt the same.

That morning led to make-up sex and the beginning of your relationship for a second time—one stronger than the first, built on truth and trust. You never kept anything from each other, always being honest about how you felt and what you wanted in the future. Life had been great until he took you to dinner one late fall evening.

“I’m leaving for Malaysia in a month.” His words felt like he’d stuck red hot needles into your lungs, making breathing hard as your fork fell out of your hand, clanking against your plate. “I bought a property on the beach and will build a house there.”

“Y-You—you’re leaving?”

“Yes, I finally have enough money saved up that I can leave this place, not have to work, and spend the rest of my days reading the books I haven’t gotten a chance to— .”

Your timid voice interrupted him. “You’re leaving me?”

“Darling, it’s not—”

You grabbed your phone, fighting against the burning sting in your eyes. “No, it is.” You were not going to cry, not in front of him. “You’re leaving me again, Kento.” You shook your head, running your hand down your face with a pained laugh. “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot.” Without another word, you stormed out of the lounge room, your heart breaking with every step you took.

It felt like the walls around you were closing in on you. Your chest felt tight as you took deep, ragged breaths, trying to calm yourself down, as tears finally breached the wall you had put up around yourself. The instant those tears ran down your cheeks, your momentum faltered, the stride you had crashing down. You fell to your knees, gripping at your chest as the future you pictured with Nanami slipped away like a film strip burning after too much use.

He always thought about leaving, building a house on the beach somewhere. It was never about the two of you leaving together. Never ‘we’re’ going to build a house. ‘We’re’ going to live in Malaysia. It was always him. And you thought since you both matured, things would be different; maybe since you were sleeping together and you were supposedly in love, he would take you with him next time. Of course, that was a moronic and naïve thought.

You were losing him all over again.

When you finally came to your senses, you hurried back to your apartment. You tried making dinner, watching a movie, doing anything to distract yourself from the pain that had settled in your heart. But anytime a second passed when you weren't busy, moving, or thinking, Nanami’s words whispered in the depths of your mind.

How could he just up and leave you like this again?! It hurt so bad; it was almost soul-crushing. After all the plans you had made, like getting married when you retired, and the places you'd see. All those plans were suddenly garbage because he could finally live out his dreams. Dreams that you should be happy about! You didn’t want your boyfriend to continue to suffer in a job he disliked, constantly working overtime, wasting his life away.

What hurt the most was that he didn't even ask if you wanted to come with him!

The hurt slowly turned into rage, so hot and heavy that you didn't hear the door to the apartment creak open. Nor did you hear said boyfriend's keys dropping into the bowl on the entry table. You did, however, feel his hand gently grabbing your shoulders. To which you pulled away.

“Don't fucking touch me!” You barked out, whirling around, jabbing your finger into his chest. “I don't fucking want you touching me!”

Nanami winced at the pain in your voice, hurrying after you as you stormed towards the bedroom. “Love, please stop.” Nothing was said as you threw the covers back on your bed. “Please let me talk to you. Let's have an actual conversation like adults instead of children!” Frustration and anger were evident in his voice, emotions that only seemed to fan the flames of your anger.

“Are you insinuating that I—” you pointed to yourself, “am acting like a child?”

“When you refuse to speak to me, yes.” you laugh. It's cold and void of joy as you place your hands on your hips.

“You wanna talk?! Fine, let’s fuckin’ talk!” You toss the throw pillows to the ground with an anger that could fuel a bonfire. “I cannot believe you’re leaving me again!”

Nanami’s honey-brown eyes followed each pillow that slammed into the ground with a force that made him cringe. “Who said I was leaving you?” He cocked a brow in your direction as you crawled into bed, fluffing your pillows.

“You said ‘you’ were leaving for Malaysia, that ‘you’ we’re going to build ‘your’ house on the beach. So excuse me, you made it very clear that you are leaving.”

“I am—” You open your mouth to tell him you were right that you knew that already, but he held a hand up in front of him, ceasing your interjection. “But I want you to come with me.”

“Oh, please don’t treat me like I’m some item you forgot to pack! You told me it was your house, books, everything!”

Without so much as a word, your boyfriend stalked over to the bed, reaching into the suit jacket. You watched with rage-filled eyes as he handed you an envelope. Nanami didn’t say where you snatched the envelope out of his hands. Opening it up, you found two one-way tickets to Malaysia. One had your boyfriend‘s name on it, while the other had yours.

You found yourself staring at the tickets as if you stared long enough; you would somehow get the answers to the questions running through your head. It isn’t until the bed dips under Nanami’s weight that you finally look up at him. His eyes held no malice or anger; they drifted from the envelope before slowly meeting your confused gaze.

“I could have started the conversation out better. But you ran off before I could finish.” He took your hand in his, thumb gently stroking the side of your thumb. “Yes, I bought a property out in Malaysia. I plan on building a house on the beach, filling it with all the books I haven’t read.” He squeezed your hand. “But that house will never be a home without you in it. I want you to come with me; I promise I will take such good care of you.”

“Y-You want me to come with you?”

“Of course I do; I left you once, and that almost ruined us completely. Do you honestly think I would ever put us at risk like that again?” Big tears welled over your eyes, streaming down your cheeks. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you; please come with me.”

Nanami’s thumb gently brushed your tears away. His smile was gentle and warm, and you hiccuped, nodding your head in agreement. “Y-Yes, Kento, I would love to go with you!” He grinned, excitement in every part of his features, as he pulled you and kissed you deeply.

It was the kind of kiss that lasted a lifetime, conveying how sorry you were for the misunderstanding. A kiss that had started very soft and sweet before it turned into something more desperate and hungry. A kiss that had you shoving your boyfriend back against the bed.

“What are you doing?” Nanami asked with curious eyes as you unbuckled his belt.

“Shh, relax.”

Nanami had been confused at first, but all his questions were answered several minutes later as you bobbed up and down his thick girthy cock. His hand fisted your hair as he watched as tears pricked your eyes as you struggled to take more of him into your mouth. Each time you went down, he felt his tip hit the back of your throat, which in turn made you gag, coating his cock in more of a slick combination of your saliva and his pre-cum.

You were so beautiful, stunning, sucking his cock down eagerly. You gag, eyes flooding with tears as he looks down at you, grunting as his eyes shut. His hand gently strokes your hair, collecting it in a makeshift ponytail. You hummed happily, looking into his narrow eyes before he shoved you down until your nose brushed over his trimmed pubes.

“Look at my lover~ such a good girl making me feel good.” He shivers as you moan around him. “Fuck darling, yes~ just like that~ swallow my cock like a good girl.” He sighs out, his hips gently bucking up into your mouth. “Soo good~ all because I’m taking her to Malaysia where she won’t have to worry about working again.” There was something in his words that had you shuddering as you dipped your hand between your legs, rubbing your clit through your shorts. “Ooh? Do you like the idea of me taking care of you? Spoiling you rotten for all time?” The only response Nanami gets in return from you is the way you eagerly swirl your tongue around his cock. “Ahh, atta girl~ using her tongue to tell me.”

You planned to show him how much you appreciated him in many more ways. For now, this would do. Nanami held a firm grip on your hair as you bobbed faster, your hands reaching down, cupping his balls, squeezing them tight. Your sweet, considerate moans had him groaning into his hand, head falling back as you deep throat him. Making sure he knew how much you loved him, how much you appreciated him spoiling you and making sure neither of you had to deal with the mundane lives of the working force.

“Haaah yes~ fuck suck it~”

His dirty words have you rubbing yourself harder as you do as he commands. “mhmm!”

“That’s it~ good girl fuck are you gonna swallow it? Swallow all of my seed down your throat?”

You take more of him down your throat than you do. “Nngh!” Nanami chuckles, wrapping his hand around your hair as if it were his tie, forcing you down before yanking you back up and pushing you down again.

“Good girl, be sure to swallow every drop, and I’ll reward you.”

He’s thrusting his cock in and out of your mouth face fucking you as hard as he possibly can. You do your best to relax your throat, but drool seeps out the corners of your mouth, running down your chin. As Nanami focuses his attention on the tears that prick your eyes, you struggle to take him down further. It’s the struggling, effort, and the way you’re gagging and moaning around his thick, hard cock that in him tumbling over the edge of sweet release.

“Nngh fuck~! Fuuuck yes, swallow, swallow every last drop of it, and don’t let it spill out.” Your boyfriend growls as he continues, holding your head in place as he continues fucking into your mouth. “Yes~! Yes fuck!”

His cum is thick and hot, slowly sliding down your throat as you stare up at him. Admiring the flush that dances over his cheeks up to the tip of his ears. His face is scrunched up with pleasure as the waves of pleasure roll through him, leaving you wet and ready. Your clit twitched under your finger pads as Nanami pulled you off of his cock. You waited for him to lift you by your hair, bringing you close to his face. What you hadn’t been anticipating was for him to shove you down against the floor while he did his tie, letting it hang loosely around his neck.

“K-Kento—ooh!” You yelp as he forces your legs apart with both his hands, spreading them wide for him. “Whoa! Holy shit!”

“I’m going to make up for upsetting you.” He whispered, grabbing your shorts, yanking them down your legs, and throwing them behind him. “By making you squirt on my tongue.”

As Nanami trailed kisses up your thighs, you shuddered against the cool wooden floor, imagining if this was the same way he’d spoiled you when you were in Malaysia; instead of being on the floor, he would be on the sand at the beach. Maybe some fights and misunderstandings were worth having. You screamed out as Nanami took your clit into his mouth, sucking on it gently. Fuck, some fights were totally worth having!!

Geto Suguru:

“Suguru—” you whisper as your boyfriend grabs his bags, not stopping to look over his shoulder at you. “Do you have to take this mission?”

The dark-haired man taps his thumb against the center of his forehead. “Yes, everyone else is on their missions. I have to do this.” He slips on his shoes, and you can’t help but feel another part of him slip away with the action.

It has been a year since the Plasma Star Vessel, Amanai Riko, was killed and a year that your boyfriend has been suffering. He wouldn’t admit it, but you could see how he changed. He had lost weight, dark circles permanently resided under his eyes, and he had grown distant from you and your friends. Everyone had been worried, asking if he was okay, but he blamed it on the heat in the missions he was constantly sent on.

But you knew he wasn’t. He hadn’t been okay since Riko died. If he would talk to you and stop pushing you away, you might be able to help him.

“I could go with you.” You suggested, slipping on your sandals and following him out the door of the dorms. “My curse technique could be helpful.”

“It can, but this is a simple mission out in the countryside. You know the curses out there are weaker than those in the city. I’ll be back in no time, I promise.”

You want to scream and shout at him to beg him to talk to you. “I could help—”

“I just said it’s a quick miss—”

“I’m not talking about the mission, Suguru.” he stops, looking back at you from over his shoulder. “I can help you with whatever you’re going through. If you stop and talk to me, I’ll listen to you vent, scream, and curse the world. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on, Sugu.”

Cicadas buzz in the distance as your boyfriend stares at you with no words leaving his mouth. At this point, you’re fuming with anxiety, frustration, and anger over the silent treatment and him pushing you away. How would you help your boyfriend if you refused to talk to you? He didn’t want to talk to you or anyone else. If he didn't talk about it soon, the pain he had been bottling down for the last year was going to burst sooner or later.

You had hoped that your words might act as a voice of reason and that maybe speaking the truth would finally break him out of the stupor he found himself in. Your hopes didn’t have a chance to kindle, however, because all he did was sigh, turning his back on you with a shake of his head. That casual brushing off made your worry melt into rage. You stormed down the stairs, rushing after him to stand in his way, arm stretched out in front of you, preventing him from moving further.

“Talk to me!”

“I don’t want to!”

“Why the fuck not?!”

“Because you weren’t there! You don’t know what we went through. You wouldn't understand; you're just some girl I date. You have no clue how hard it was being one of the strongest.”

His words hurt, knocking you back a step. “What—?” Suguru shoved past you, storming down the steps. “What the fuck is your problem?!” Screamed, tears rolling down your cheeks. “I’m not just some girl! I'm your girlfriend! I am not someone you can talk to like that you can’t—”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” darkness flooded his eyes as he snapped his attention towards you. “Do you fucking understand me?” You were too stunned to speak. “Fucking drop it before I drop you.”

“Maybe I should be the one to break up with you then. If you don’t wanna talk to me, then I don’t see a reason for us continuing this relationship.”

Blurred your eyes as you looked over your shoulder, watching your boyfriend freeze his back and turn to you for a second. Instead of turning around to talk to you, he kept heading down the steps towards the car waiting for him. That was all the answer you needed from him. When he returns from his mission, you will give him all his stuff back since your relationship is over.

You had so much planned on what you wanted to say to him when you handed him all his shit when he got back to the school. You refused to keep fighting for a relationship that was as good as dead. Suguru needed to work through his issues, and maybe once he was feeling more like himself, you might consider talking to him, let alone working.

Those words and thoughts were titanium. Your resolve was set in stone, and you wouldn’t let him convince you that he was fine otherwise. He needed to heal to talk to someone. It broke your heart, but you weren’t the person he needed.

Saying all that, keeping true to your word was much easier said than done.

The resolve you claimed was stronger than titanium snapped like a twig when a call at two in the morning had you jumping out of bed. Suguru’s name flashed on your screen, and you forgot about the fight and the drama, answering your cell as fast as your hands would allow.

“Suguru?” You yelled, jumping to your feet. “Are you okay?”

The other line was silent before your boyfriend sighed. “I wanna talk.” You were slipping your shoes, nodding your head as he could see. “But I’m going to send you an address. Meet me there. Just don’t tell anyone where you’re going.” The fact he didn’t want anyone else coming with you didn’t bother you.

You stepped inside the hotel room Sugurh had messaged you about, and as you did, the scent of blood and smoke flooded your senses, making you question his reason for you coming alone. Glancing around the dark room, you found him crouching beside a bed where two little girls lay. They were bruised and bandaged up, holding each other’s hands as they peacefully slept. Your boyfriend watched them silently, his shirt splattered with the blood that still lingered on him before his eyes finally looked towards you.

“Suguru—what happened?”

“I’m going to remake the world.”

“Huh?” You step further inside the hotel room, approaching him cautiously. “What do you mean?”

“I’m going to kill the non-sorcerer and remake this world into a better one.”

You laughed softly, thinking that maybe he was just fucking with you. But the way his eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched, you knew otherwise. Your boyfriend was serious, deadly serious. It didn’t make any sense. This was your boyfriend, who saw it as Jujutsu Sorcerer's duty to protect non-sorcerers. This new ideal had to be one of the reasons he had been so standoffish with everyone.

Instead of scolding or yelling at him, you sat down on the bed adjacent to the young girls, observing your bloodstained boyfriend. He had done the one thing you asked him to do, and that was for him to talk to you. You gently padded the spot on the bed next to him with a gentle smile.

Suguru opened up to you about everything. Riko’s death, the clapping from the religious group members he was constantly hearing, and the discussion he had with Tsukumo Yuki. For the first time in months, you felt like you were finally listening to your boyfriend talk. Part of you felt relieved, but something else began to take a route in your stomach as he told you about Nanako and Mimiko. He had slaughtered an entire village, an action he stood by and one he did not regret.

“I’ll be banned from Jujutsu Society and given a death sentence. But I don’t regret what I did.” Suguru’s eyes were glued to the floor, hands in his lap. “But you deserve to know what I did. What I plan on doing, I will remake this world, ridding it of non-sorcerer, those useless damn monkeys.”

He wasn’t sure how you would react. He expected you to shout, yell, and look at him in utter disgust. Yet what you did left him stunned as you reached across his lap and took his hand in yours. Suguru watched as your clean fingers intertwined with his, giving it a gentle squeeze, trying draw his attention towards you.

“We’ll remake the world.” His eyes went wide as he sat up back stiff as a board as the light returned to his eyes. “I’m coming with you.”

“What? Why would you willingly say yes? I killed people. You understand that. I killed a lot of people, and I’m going to have to kill more.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

“Because you have a point. I see the world you want to create, and I want to help you.” You turned your body to him, wiping dried blood on his cheek. “Because I love you.”

The icy wall that had formed between you both melted. Suguru grabbed you by the face, kissing you deeply. He snarled and growled into your mouth, pulling you to your feet and dragging you into the bathroom. His lips only left yours to remove your clothes. Start the shower and shut the door. Once he got his hands, mouth, his entire body pressed against yours, you didn’t stand.

Suguru had you pinned into the shower floor with your hands pinned above your head as he wrapped your legs around his waist. His hips furiously bucked into yours as his lips smashed and moved against your own, his teeth nipping and sucking at your lips, pulling it back before releasing it, drawing blood. He needed you with a deep, crazed passion. His cocks slammed in and out of your pussy. The lack of prep on both your parts had your walls stinging with each hard thrust into you.

“Haah! Fuck! Oooh fuck!!”

“You’re mine~! You’re fucking mine, and we could’ve remake this fucking world. You could stay by my side. You’re never gonna fucking leave me.”

His teeth finally gave up their ass assault on your lips, moving to attack your neck instead. “Nngh! Fuck! Suguru!” He growled, his ass clenching with each deep thrust into you, the curve of his cock hitting your g-spot perfectly, guttural moans from you.

“Fuuck, that’s right. Say my name. I missed hearing you say my name.”

“Suguru.”

“Yes—fuck what does my princess need?”

“W-Wanna touch you! Please, Sugu!”

You didn’t even need to beg; Suguru let go of your wrists, allowing you to wrap your arms around him, digging your nails into his back, scratching down his toned muscles. Your boyfriend hissed at the sting pain, but he returned the favor, digging his finger into your hips, grabbing you roughly fucking into you with the same momentum, making sure not only you would have bruises on your skin, but your poor pussy would be bruised as well. He wasn’t just leaving his mark on the world but also his pretty princess.

His dark, wet, damp hair fell over his shoulder as he slammed into you with one hand, reaching up to cut the back of your head, cradling it gently as he slammed into you with all of his strength. He was making up for the months that you hadn’t been intimate. He was ensuring that you knew how excited he was to have you on his side and to have you see the world as he saw it.

He fucking loved you.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I’m gonna cum; I’m gonna cum inside your pussy.” His into your ear, feeling the way you clamp down around him, his vulgar words. “Yeah, does my princess like that?”

“Yes!”

“The beg for it, beg me to cum in that tight little cunt.”

Your nails dug harder into his skin as you felt his cock twitching inside of you. “Please, please cum inside of me, Suguru! I need it! I want it so fucking bad!” His thrusting, the words he said, and the way he kept rubbing the head of his cock against your spot have your leg shaking body arching off the shower floor. “Oo-ooh! Fuck! I’m cumming! Cumming!!” You screamed as your walls convulsed around his cock, drawing out a deep moan from Suguru.

“Take it! Take it, baby~! Fuuuck~! Yes, cum on my cock~ cum for me, princess cum!”

The warmth of his cum filling you grinned as you happily peppered his neck with kisses. God, you missed this; you missed him. Once his thrust came to a stop, you hummed, kissing down his neck yourself. He smiled, chuckling weakly against your soft skin.

“Fuck,”

“Yeah, fuck.” You purred, holding him tight as his cock twitched inside of you. “I needed that so bad.”

As you both lay on the shower floor, Suguru held you tight. You rubbed your hands up and down his biceps, fingers trailing over his chest. As he watched your hands slowly move over his body, he realized how lucky he was to have you. You were throwing away your comfortable, stable life for him, leaving the world you knew behind to become a curse user who would help him obtain his goals. You were too good for him.

“God,” he whispered, pulling you up to his mouth, pressing his lips against yours in a heated kiss. “I can’t wait to rule the world with you.”

Gojo Satoru:

You loved your boyfriend. Gojo was an amazing partner and friend. But dating the strongest sorcerer of the modern age came with its downside. Satoru was consistently being the mission he was consistently sent on. You were supportive and always willing to wait for him. You stayed up late to talk to him when he was in different time zones. You made him his favorite meal when he got home.

You even understood when he would come home that he was tired and just wanted time to himself, like sleeping or snuggling you in the silence of his condo. You loved waiting at home for him, eager to help him relax and take some of the stress off of him whenever you could.

That was the usual routine until he started going out with his friends instead of you. He would often say he needed to go to a new cafe and get himself a sweet treat; it was like a reward to himself. Which you didn’t mind; in fact, you encouraged it! If Satoru wanted to go out, he could. You weren’t the type of girl to be all controlling or suspicious of his actions. At the end of the day, as long as he came home to you, you didn’t mind when he did. You were happy as long as he was getting the stress relief he needed.

And he needed that kind of stress relief with the higher-ups making him work as much as they were. It felt like every other weekend, he was getting sent on missions, which was strange because it was summertime. There shouldn’t have been as many curses since it was the slow season for you guys. You didn’t question it at all. Instead, you continued to offer to be there to support him if he needed you.

Until you caught him.

It was supposed to be a girl's night; you, Utahime, and Shoko went to the local bar to enjoy a few cocktails and vent about your day. When you walked in, you sat in your booth, sipping on your Sex on the Beach, while Shoko sighed, finishing her fifth shot of whiskey. Her eyes kept dying behind you before I glanced at the table, running her long-painted nail over the rim of the glass.

“So, where did they ship Satoru off to this time?” She asked, smiling as the waiter brought her another drink.

“Mhm,” you swallowed the drink in your mouth, “Ireland, something about some castle curse or something. I don’t know. It seems like there’s been a lot of activity, which is weird.”

“Ireland, huh?” Shoko sighed, taking another peak over your shoulder. “Bastard didn’t even bring back souvenir for me. You would think he would bring me back some Irish whiskey.”

“Well, he might; he should be back tomorrow night.” Your friends' reactions mirrored each other. It was a look that spoke volumes, one that had your stomach unsettled. “What? Why are you guys looking at each other like that?”

“Gojo is still in Ireland?”

“Yeah—?”

Shoko sucked down a breath rubbing at the back of her neck, before pulling out her cigarette box. “Well, don’t look now, but I think your boyfriend got back sooner than you thought.” She points behind you with her cigarette.

Turning your head, your eyes go wide, finding your boyfriend sitting in a booth with his closest friends. In Tokyo, and not in Ireland like he had told you an hour beforehand. You felt like the room was spinning, and it wasn’t because of the small amount of alcohol you had drank. No, it was because of the carefree look on his face as he smacked Geto on his back before downing his cola.

Your body moved before you could even think. Rushing forward, pushed past strangers, hurrying towards your boyfriend, who hadn’t even noticed you running towards him. His friends, however, did notice. Geto smiled as he waved at you, Nanami nodded his head in acknowledgment, and Haibara leaned his head back against the booth, turning his head just as you slammed your hands down on the table.

“Oh, hi! How are you doing tonight?” Haibara cheerfully greeted, sitting up straight, eyes sparkling. “I thought Gojo said you were out on a mission.”

Upon hearing his name brought into the conversation, your boyfriend turned his attention towards you before spurting out the cola he had been drinking, the liquid coming out his mouth, and he coughed harshly into his fist. You felt sick to your stomach, and your chest felt tight. Why would he lie about being home?

“Funny, he said the same thing about himself.”

“Sweetie, I uhm—“

“How was Ireland?” You questioned, tilting your head and crossing your arms over your chest.

Suguru cocked a pierced brow, his dark eyes darting towards his best friend, who looked like he was about ready to shit bricks. “Ireland? I thought you said that’s where she was at?” All eyes seem to focus on your white-haired boyfriend as the back of your throat burns with unshed tears.

“So I guess it’s at least good to know. I’m not the only one you’re lying to.” You rolled your eyes, storming out of the bar and snatching your purse from Shoko, who was watching. “Bye.”

“Sweetie! Honey, wait!”

“No! I have nothing to say to you right now that would be remotely good!” You yelled back at him, listening to his footsteps over the sticky bar floor. “So please leave me alone.”

“Baby!” His slender fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you back towards him. “Listen! I—fuck, I’m sorry!”

“Sorry for what you did, or sorry you got caught in a lie? One that you apparently had told several different people.”

There was nothing he glanced aside from instead of staring at the floor. “I’ve just been overwhelmed with work and didn’t want to come home.” The tone in his voice is almost comical.

“Okay? When have I ever had an issue with you going out? You could’ve just told me the truth instead of lying.”

“I just felt like I’ve been neglecting your needs, but I feel like I’m not in a position to be there for you in the way you need.”

For a second, your boyfriend thinks you might stop to give him the time to listen to what he has to say. Instead, you yank your arm out of his grip, letting it limply fall to your side. Gojo can see the pain in your eyes. Pain that he wanted to avoid putting on you, but instead, he’s pretty sure he had caused more pain.

“So you lied about being on a work trip?” He says nothing. “Good to know you feel that way.”

You start heading back out to get an Uber, but Satoru is right behind you. “Baby please, I just, I feel so tired all the time. I just need to unwind.” You turn back around, shooting daggers up at him.

“Fucking unwind! Do whatever you want! I don’t give a fuck!”

“Then why are you so upset?”

“Because you fucking lied to me!” You screamed, causing him to wince through his teeth. “You called me today and told me you were in Ireland! When you could have told me, ‘Hey babe, I’m going out with the guys,’ instead, you fucking lied to me!”

Satoru frowned, not knowing what to say in a situation like this. A problem that he had created himself. One that could’ve easily been avoided if he had told you the truth. So, instead of saying anything, he just dropped his head down in shame.

You fought against the urge to somehow break through his infinity and slap the shit out of him. But since that was impossible, he watched as you wiped the welling tears from your eyes with a shaky sigh. With a swallow and a deep breath, you turned away from him, heading to the car that pulled up to the curb for you.

“W-Wait, where are you going?!”

“Home.”

Without so much is another word, you got in the car, and your boyfriend watched as it drove off down the street. He had messed up royally this time. So much so he wouldn’t be surprised if you were to break up with him at this point. Gojo had been so stressed, and he didn’t want you going above and beyond to take care of him when you were just as stressed as he was. he saw how you acted. You made it a point to cook his favorite meals to buying him his favorite sweets, when you had the same dark circles under your eyes from your hard work being a sorcerer.

You seemed to enjoy helping him out like that. Like it was a highlight of your life. So, instead of sitting down and talking to you like a normal person, he decided to go out with his friends. Giving yourself time to hang out with your friends, read a book or catch up on some well-deserved rest. He should’ve just talked to you about this but didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

But in trying to protect your feelings, he had hurt you even more. He couldn’t just idly stand and let this be the end of the conversation. He needed to talk to you and tell you how sorry he was in person.

When you got home, you could smell Gojo in the apartment. You weren’t expecting to smell his cologne, seeing that you had left him twenty minutes prior at the bar, but the asshole was able to teleport himself wherever he wanted. So much is saying a word. You threw your purse on the entryway table before storming towards the bedroom, where, low and behold, he was waiting for you.

He sat on the edge of the bed, cerulean eyes snapping towards the door as you walked in. “Sweetie.” He hesitantly spoke, hurrying after you as you headed into the bathroom. “Look, can we talk?”

“About what? Your next mission: what are you going to China or something? Or is it just another excuse for you to hang out with your friends?”

You were pissed. This would be one of those moments you held over his head for all time. “Look, I fucked up, big time.” You laughed, glancing at him in the mirror as you took your shirt off. “Okay, majorly fucked up, I should’ve talked to you, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” The cold, dark stare you gave him in the mirror told him that your feelings were already hurt, and his reasoning was stupid to bring up at this point. “Will you please just listen for a second? Let me apologize properly.”

While the idea of fumigating in your anger was tempting, you knew if you didn’t give him the opportunity to, he wouldn’t get off your ass for the rest of the night. Shaking your head, you turned to face him as you leaned against the glass door of the walk-in shower. A certain relief settled inside Gojo’s chest as he stepped closer towards you.

“I’m sorry for lying. I should’ve been honest with you. But you always get so excited taking care of me when I get home that I didn’t wanna hurt your feelings.” The pinch of your brows softened as he spoke. “You spoil me fucking rotten. I honestly don’t deserve someone as good as you. I’m an egotistical, arrogant, pompous asshole, and you were too good for me. Even though I can see how tired you are, you always make an appointment to put me first.”

“Toru—”

“So I decided to take a step back and relieve some of my stress by hanging out with the guys. Lately, you’ve been so rundown. So I’ve told you I was going to Ireland so you could have a night to yourself. You have to worry about dinner or taking care of or making me feel good when you should be taking care of yourself as well as you take care of me. Fuck I should be taking care of you. But I’m just so fucking tired. I don’t have the energy to do that, and unfortunately, I’ve neglected you and your needs.”

“No—Toru, I see where you’re coming from, and it’s alright.”

“No, it’s not alright. Nothing about this is alright. I should’ve talked to you instead of lying to you, and I fucked up.” He hesitantly reached out, grabbing your hand and squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry I lied. I should’ve told you the truth.”

You were still angry over him lying to you. he could’ve been more of an adult and told you what he felt. But simultaneously, you could see where he was coming from. You had been putting a lot of effort into taking care of him and thus neglecting your own needs. He was right; you were as tired as he was. Not only did you have your own missions to go on, but on top of taking care of the condo and trying to make him feel comfortable, you hadn’t put time away for yourself. In his reasoning, he was trying to take care of you like you had taken care of him.

You allowed him to take your hand, squeezing his fingers back. “I swear to God if you lie to me like this ever again, and I catch you at the bar with your friends when you’re supposed to be in Ireland, I will kick your ass all the way there myself, Gojo Satoru.” he wins at the use of his full name, but your boyfriend pulls your hand tugging you into his chest.

“Noted, I promise I won’t ever do that shit again. I’m really sorry, baby.”

“It’s fine. We both got overwhelmed and instead of communicating, we just ignored it. Next time, I think we can do better as a couple. That way, this sort of shit doesn’t happen again.”

Gojo nods before he presses his chin against the top of your head, wrapping his long, lanky arms around you. “Right, I can do that.” You into his chest, sighing happily. “Is it too late to start communicating our feelings now?” You giggle, you’re almost bare chest rumbling against him.

“Depends on what exactly you want to talk about.”

Gojo pulls his chin off your head before grabbing your face in his hand. He lifts your head, forcing you to look at his beautiful, stunning eyes. “I don’t really wanna talk. I want to feel. I want to make you feel good. If you’re not too angry with me.” You slowly run your hands up his chest, smiling lovingly at him.

“I can’t say no to you.”

One steamy make-out session later ended with you both pressing each other against the walls in the bathroom; Gojo had you pressed against a wall, wrapping you up in his arms and holding you in his chest. "I missed you so much, sweetheart. So fucking much." The hot, steamy water from the running shower made the bathroom hot. He kissed you gently.

“I missed you too, Toru.” You whispered against his lips with a giggle as you brushed some of his hair out of his eyes.

His hand moved up to cup your cheek, his thumb gently rubbing your soft skin. "Can I kiss you again?" Instead of answering his question, you close the distance between your lips, kissing him deeply, wrapping your arms around his neck, and pulling him closer. Satoru grunted, leaning forward and slamming his hands against the glass door to the shower. “Fuuck missed you, baby.” He slowly pressed his lips to yours, holding his breath momentarily as he just kissed you like there was no tomorrow.

“Mhmm Satoru~”

He pulled away after a moment, his hands still holding your face. "God— Fuck, I missed hearing you sent my name like that." He held you tight, pressing your head to his chest as he slowly dried his fingers down your back.

“I’ve missed saying it,” you pressed gentle kisses up his chest, flicking your tongue over his nipple. “But I missed moaning it more.”

"Oh, you have?" He felt his heart and cock flutter at that, smiling softly.

“Ooh yeah, I’ve missed your cock.”

Gojo cocked an eyebrow with a smirk. "Well, I guess we have something. We have to do something about that then?~" He pulled you tighter against his body, his hardening cock rubbing against your bare hip. "I missed that amazing pussy, too~."

You whined, looking up at him. "I want you now, Toru." You whispered as you wrapped your hand around his cock, gently stroking him with a twisting motion.

“Oooh fuck baby.” His eyes slowly shut, his cock immediately completely hard. "Yeah does my sweet little girl need her Daddy’s cock?" He groaned softly, still holding you close against his bare ivory skin.

“Yeah~ I need it fuckin’ bad.”

Satoru bit his lip, his cock twitching in your hand. "Fucking okay, sweetie, I’ll give it to you.” He groaned, lifting you, pressing you against the glass wall of the shower. "God, I can't fucking resist you."

"Ah~!" You gasped out, your eyes glossy with need. "Fuck, please." You’d had sex against walls before, but this was needier, and fuck, it made you wet. "Fuck me, Toru~ fuck me until I squirt on your fat cock."

Just hearing you say those things made him shiver, leaning into you, kissing you deeply. "Of course, sweets~" He groaned as he held his hand up to you. “Spit.” You followed his instructions, spitting into his hand. He moaned as he rubbed it on his cock in place of lube. Once his cock was slick, he held you up by your waist and slowly lowered her down onto his aching length.

"Fuck!" You cried out, your eyes rolling back. "Oh god, y-you're so fucking big." Your whimpers grew louder as he stretched you out with his thick cock. "Fuck me, Toru!"

“Ahh fuck—“ Satoru let out a small growl, his left arm holding your waist and his right hand moving up to toy with your clit. "That’s right, sweetie, moan for me. Let’s get another fucking noise complaint from our neighbors ~" He pistoned his hips He pistoned his hips into you, thrusting fast and hard, chasing his already-building orgasm.

He glanced up, watching your eyes roll back, your hands gripping his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin. Loud sounds escaped your mouth as you looked into his eyes, dilated with pure animalistic need. He leaned in, kissing you deeply, swallowing your moans he fucked into you.

"Fuck, you're so damn pretty, Sweetheart~" He groaned, wet slapping sounds reverberating off the walls with every thrust. " O-Oh god, I'm—not going to last long. I've been so pent up!”

You weren’t in much of a better position than him feeling him, slamming into his curved cock, hitting every special spot inside of you. At the same time, his right hand played with your clit and had you on the edge so ridiculously fast you’re pretty sure he was about to world record. Satoru watched as your eyebrows knitted together as you stared into his eyes. There was a desperation in your beautiful eyes as you cried out his name, telling him you were close.

“G-Gonna cum Toru~! Gonna cum!”

At least you were able to form coherent words. Feeling your walls flutter and hearing the sweet sound that left your lips made Satoru’s hips stutter, and he moved, slamming his lips to yours as he gripped your hips, shoving you down all the way on his cock as he groaned, releasing his cum into you. Feeling his warm seed fill you sent you right over the edge with him, making you tilt your head back as sweet moans of his name left your lips.

“Missed you.” That was the only thing your boyfriend said before pressing a kiss to your lips again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Toru.”

“I’ll never lie to you again.”

“Thank you—Ah!” You squealed as he opened the shower door, stepping inside with you. “Toru!”

“So when I tell you we’re going eight rounds tonight, you better fuckin’ believe it’s happening.” Gojo would show you just how sorry he was for hurting you. Even if that meant you were hurting from all the sex you were about to have the next day.

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks @reap3erslov3 @wil10wthetree

[victonair]

“Maybe this time” - Azul Ashengrotto x reader

Fallen in love with Azul during your time in NRC, you had never gained the chance to confess to him in his final year: you were too late and your chance was lost in the winds of time. After graduating, you find yourself moving on with life and moving on from him, even opening a bakery and coffee shop in a small town near the sea. It was a perfect life for you - and it was all you could ever want. But when he shows up at your bakery one day, you’re not so sure you had everything you wanted in life anymore.

Or rather

In which, you fell in love with Azul in Highschool and after years of moping - you move on. But when he shows up out of the blue one day, you begin to question if you’ve really ever moved on in the first place.

Author’s Note: I enjoyed writing this! I was brainrotting about this concept so I decided to! Aside from this update, I finally got my first request!!! I’m overjoyed and to whoever decided to request me, I’ll be finished with it within a week or so as I’m quite busy with school. In fact, I have a test tomorrow…Oh well, please do enjoy the fic! Also, this fic is based off the song “Maybe this time” by Sarah Geronimo so check it out if you want!

Content Warnings: Not exactly hurt/comfort, more you moved on from the hurt first and then went again into hurt, then finally comfort. Gender-neutral reader. And lastly, amateur writing and off-pacing since the author wrote this at 3 am in the morning.

-

Moving on in life was a daunting challenge that could strike fear into most people’s hearts, because often, new things and routines either intimidated people or raised dislike for most. For many people, change was a facet of life they weren’t ready for, thinking that things would stay like that forever - the happiness, the pain, the routine; it was something that most people thought would stay for forever to come. But, really, does everything truly last forever? In some cases, people think so - but when life hits them in the face with change, it becomes a clear answer.

“A latte and a slice of cake, please!”

In some cases, things last forever - but not for yours. It seemed back then that the pain of Azul leaving and graduating, as well as the fact that you never conveyed your true feelings to him would stay forever. But through years of work, moping, reflection, and the best support system you could ever ask for - you finally moved on with your life and haven’t looked back since. Since you’ve graduated, you took to working yourself to death at first, but after a lot of reflection and coping - you decided to relax and take a hobby.

Which is how you landed with owning a bakery and coffee shop, even moving to a small town by the seaside since they had no late-night coffee shops and a bakery built - and so you took it upon yourself to set up one yourself. You thank the Lord on high that Azul was able to teach you basic business skills in able to set this up and how to know your audience - luckily, the townsfolk were quite appreciative and friendly which led you to become part of the community quickly.

“Sure! Order up!”

A smile on your face was evident as you made the latte and put the pastry on the plate. You were thriving; you had been thriving for years in this small and cozy community. It was the epitome of peace and coziness in this village, where the wind was different and fresh and where you were awoken by the sounds of bargaining in the market nearby. You had made the right decision in moving on from the pain of the past, instead moving and focusing on the future.

The regular at your shop smiled at you, taking the latte and pastry from the tray and sitting in one of the seats that overviewed the peaceful view of the sea: from the ripples from the waves visible for all to see, to the seagulls that flew in the air above, peacefully flying and searching for food - and to the townsfolk greeting you from outside the window with a smile and nod.

You were satisfied and content with what you had, you wouldn’t look back to the past not anymore - it was better to focus on the future instead.

Continuing your work, you spent your time idly making tasty caffeinated drinks and delectable pastries that was part of the reason you charmed most of the town’s hearts. It was the reason you had so many regulars at your shop, after all. And when it was closing time, you sat down and smiled at what you had done.

Before you could start closing up the store, you heard the bell ring and a smooth yet familiar voice filling the cafe, “Excuse me, are you still open?”

Looking towards the door, you expected yourself to smile and greet the new customer - you recognized every voice in this town and this one was certainly a new one. And yes, that was how well acquainted you were with each villager. But instead of smiling, you found yourself freezing in place and your mouth dropping slightly.

There was little to surprise you these days; you had borne the brunt of overblots, emotional breakdowns, and while violence was nothing to you - you had gotten used to peace as well. Peace from the people around you and the support you had gotten to those dear to you. There was little to shock and surprise you with, and yet right at this moment, you found your knees weakening, rooted to the same spot.

“…”

Silence was often a peaceful presence in your life, it helped you reflect through your days and things you’ve done - however, as of the moment, you wished you could break the silence yourself. For a while, quiet emanated through the shop as you observed the one person who you hadn’t seen or never expected to see till the day you died (or a school reunion at least): Azul.

When he graduated from NRC and left for internships, you had been an emotional wreck - knowing him, he was going to the farthest place and most successful companies to study and work under them. And you were right. He had gone to study and intern under one of the most successful companies in Twisted Wonderland.

Supposedly, you were going to confess your feelings to him back then, but the moment he was boarding the transportation to his final destination - you couldn’t do it. You just couldn’t. You froze and said one word to him, which was ‘Bye’. And you’ve regretted that decision ever since, it was one of the things you regret, but you’ve taught yourself to move on so it didn’t really matter anymore, did it?

“Well, aren’t you going to take my order?” His voice rang in your ears like a siren’s enchanting voice, beckoning you to reminisce on memories of the past. You were almost tempted to, until you realized what he said - making you immediately snap out of the frozen state and rush to the counter to take the order.

He had an amused smile on his face; he looked so similar yet so different to his past. His features were more matured, while he styled his hair in the same way with his curls - he had the same beauty mark, the same cunning eyes, and most of all: he looked as beautiful as the day he had left you.

“Right. W-What would you like?” Your smile was more wobbly than usual, while your voice was more strained

“Just a simple hot latte, please.” He responded, his head was tilted as he smiled at you; this was the same smile that had you on your knees in NRC.

God, you loved that smile.

At a loss for words, you got to work on his latte - inputting the correct amount of coffee and milk into the mixture - including a cute frothy image of a heart on top. It was the only one you knew how to concoct, and somehow, giving it to him made your heart skip a beat in embarrassment. As soon as you served it, he took a sip and smiled at you politely.

“It’s really good, [Name].”

He remembered you. Well, of course he remembered you; the late nights at his office and the time you spent together wouldn’t have resulted in him forgetting you. So, why in the first place, did you question if he forgot you in the first place? You were stupid, that was for certain.

“What would be better, however, is if you sat down and caught up with me.” He directed a polite smile towards you, a calm demeanor, the complete opposite of your current state. But following his words, you nodded and mumbled one word that fell from your lips:

“Okay.”

What ensued was a long conversation that was the both of you reminiscing over what was missed and what was done.

-

From the evening to the point where the sun was arising from its slumber, both of you had talked and laughed from the stories you had shared; for hours, you were graced with his presence and smile - and within the short period of time, you could feel yourself resorting to old memories and habits that you had with him. It was the way you smiled and laughed with him, cracking jokes and references that only the both of you could decipher. To him, it may have been a brief meet-up with an old schoolmate and friend, but to you? It was everything that the past you would’ve wanted.

By the time dawn had come, the both of you had glanced at each other like old lovers meeting each other once again after a brief exit out of each other’s lives a long time ago. It was unnoticeable to you, yet it didn’t go unnoticed to him.

“Are you leaving now?” You couldn’t hide the disappointment within your eyes, a small frown on your face as you held back from holding his hand - a gesture of wanting him to stay with you, obvious that you were pleading for him to stop his leave, and for for just this once: choose you.

“Don’t look so sullen. I’ll be staying here for a month, it’s my vacation. Jade is temporarily handling matters for me, and will only report to me if there’s an emergency.” He responded while sipping another cup of tea you had given him while the both of you were talking through the night.

Despite such a long period, the only thoughts entering your head was for him to stay longer, just a bit longer, just so you could relish his presence and his charming smile even more. You wanted him to stay, to let yourself go and feel the same things that you felt back in high school. You wanted the same chats, more time with him, and what you took for granted back then - to now be cherished.

You wanted a chance, a chance to do what you never did back then. To cherish the time you spent with him, and to finally express your old feelings to him - to live with no regrets afterwards.

“Promise you’ll see me everyday?” You crack a smile on your face, one that was filled with varying emotions: nostalgia, happiness, and courage - it was something you didn’t hide. You couldn’t.

Azul’s face wasn’t poised with a smile, instead his cheeks were coated with a light pink blush as he took in your features. But after a few moments, he smiled back - a smile filled with various emotions as well, feelings that you were too oblivious to pick up on.

“Of course. We have a deal.”

“I wonder if I’m going to get scammed.”

“How cruel of you, I wouldn’t scam one of my dearest old schoolmates.”

“We both know you would.”

-

The rest of the month was blissful, something different from the sort of peace you’re used to. The peace you had when you moved into the village was something you were grateful for, but this was an entirely different experience that you treasured every moment of. Days were spent exploring the town, baking with you, or going to the beach and looking to the ocean where he was reminded of his home. Every moment was sweet and domestic, and you didn’t realize it at first, but somehow - each time your eyes met with soft gazes, each time both of your hands intertwined, and when both of you hugged - it rekindled what you felt initially for Azul into a bright blazing fire of feelings.

You didn’t know what to do but simply laugh when you realized it. Because, how could you? The time you spent healing, reflecting, and spending on yourself, was it all for naught? How could you do this to yourself? When you already know he’d be leaving you by the end of the month, and in turn leaving your life once more. Once again, you were left a pondering and an emotional mess.

You wanted to cherish your time with him, but how could you now? There was. A couple of days left, and you realized something major: you had never really moved on in the first place. How could you see his face without your heart aching in turmoil and the pain of losing him once more? You’d be back to step one, back to how you were like after he graduated.

But despite that, you forced yourself to spend time with him, and unsurprisingly, it makes your heart twist in pain. But you did it, you wouldn’t let him depart without you saying goodbye.

“Doesn’t this remind you of something?”

You had chosen to go stargazing with him as the final activity both of you would enjoy together. You were supposed to be happy, but all you could really think of was how you’d lose him just tomorrow. And what’s more is the fact that this was what you both did together back in NRC before he graduated, you took him to Ramshackle and would gaze at the fireflies and stars.

“Yeah…it sure does.” Your voice was strained, but you managed to clear it out before he noticed it. “Ramshackle was the perfect place for stargazing.”

A peaceful silence made its way to the environment, the only sound being the breeze blowing against both of your skins. The moonlight shone upon each and every little thing, and you really only noticed it as you looked at Azul - his skin glowing as the moonlight showcased every little ethereal detail about him. He looked like a deity under the moonlight.

At that moment, all you could really do was observe his features, admiring them as you’d done in high school when you stargazed with him back then. Then, you laughed. You laughed until you ran out of breath, and until Azul stared at you with curiosity within his gaze.

He smiled at you while chuckling from your laugh, “What’s so funny?”

You took to staring at the stars above instead of staring at him this time, and it helped ease your pain just a little, “I’m thinking. I’m thinking about how stupid I am.”

“You’re not. You passed at NRC, after all.” His reply was disapproving of your words.

Humming in reply, you admired the stars, not bothering to meet his questioning gaze. “No, I’m not thinking about in terms of academics. I’m thinking how stupid I am emotionally - how could I do this to myself?”

You didn’t really care anymore about what happened next, you needed the burden and regret to pass. And so you spoke.

“How could I allow myself to fall in love with you once more? I’m just…frustrated with myself at this point. Once is enough, twice is questionable at this point. Even after years of not seeing you, how is it that I find myself feeling like I did back then within a month?”

Your words were exasperated and tired, it was a wave of emotions and feelings that you were releasing onto him. Unsaid words that were left alone when he was about to leave back then, finally came rushing to the surface.

“I-I don’t understand myself. Just why? I thought I had moved on, but I don’t think I have. I find myself wanting you wholly, to have you within my arms for the time to come and the years wasted on not having you.” You adjust yourself to meet him eye-to-eye, and the only thing you see when you do is a stare with an.indescribable expression. “I’ve loved you since back then, and while things may change, and time will pass - somehow, I think these cursed feelings of mine will change.”

“Forgive me, please. I never wanted these feelings-“

Tears brimmed at the tears of your eyes as you pleaded for forgiveness from him, only to be interrupted with soft lips pressed onto your own. You freeze and after a short moment, his lips detach from your own. “Are you aware that I’ve loved you for as long as you have?” His expression is still indescribable, but with the way his fingers intertwine with yours - you could tell that he was sincere.

“I love you, and I have for a long time. I…just didn’t know if you reciprocated - I came here with the sole intention of confessing what I’ve felt for years to you. So please, just repeat what you feel for me and if it’s truly not what I heard, then I depart the next day and leave forevermore.”

In an instant, you say three words that confirm that everything isn’t just a dream for him, “I love you.” And immediately, he kisses you once more - cupping your cheek in his hand as he pours the years of pent-up affection and feelings into how he touches you so lovingly and gently to the way his lips meld over yours.

And as dawn soon comes, he does not leave, instead he stays; he stays within the boundaries of your loving arms, as you stay in his as well.

[dixons-sunshine]

Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU Headcannons: Part Three | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Word count: 861.

A/n: So I've made it a habit recently to post a fic every one-two days, but I was extremely busy today, so I didn't have time to start working on any of my other requests. I still wanted to post something, though, so here's a part three to my personal headcannons for the SSHD AU that nobody asked for. This is mostly set in the future but before the outbreak. I hope y'all like these! If you wanna see more, let me know.

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

★ After graduating high school, you went to college to get a degree in teaching.

★ Daryl didn't go to college, however. He felt like more school was unnecessary for him, but he encouraged you to do it since he knew you wanted to become a teacher.

★ Daryl managed to land a job as an apprentice of sorts to a mechanic and got a second job as a bouncer after a while, and used some (most of it but he didn't tell you that) of the money to help pay for your tuition and textbooks.

★ You had your suspicions about it, and got a job of your own to help pay for everything. However, Daryl shot down any talks of you getting a second job, claiming that one job was already hard enough added on top of college.

★ The two of you rented a crappy, worn down apartment until you graduated and landed a full-time teaching job at a kindergarten near Atlanta, and you and Daryl finally managed to upgrade to a decent apartment.

★ Once the two of you had settled down and had gotten hitched at the courthouse, you invited your mother over for a housewarming of sorts.

★ She definitely tore into you both for eloping, but in the end, she was ultimately happy for the two of you.

★ She started teasingly calling you Mrs Dixon at every opportunity, and playfully threatening Daryl that if he ever broke your heart, she'd kill him.

★ She was a decade too late for that talk, however, so Daryl paid it no mind whatsoever.

★ Your mom was practically your best friend, so when she died three years later due to cancer, you were devastated.

★ You regretted not having a proper wedding like your mom had wanted you to have, but Daryl assured you that she didn't hate you for it.

★ Daryl was also heartbroken. He couldn't believe that the sweet woman who had basically taken him in was dead.

★ It was a hard couple of months after that, but Daryl refrained from falling into old habits and distancing himself to deal with his emotions alone. He reminded himself that you were a team and that you needed him more than ever at that moment. He couldn't pull away at a time like that.

★ Things got better with time. With the both of you taking the time to properly grieve and mourn, it got easier. The sadness when you thought of her death never fully vanquished, but with time, you were feeling better, visiting her grave whenever you had the chance.

★ When you and Daryl moved from the trailer park all those years ago, he didn't tell anyone from his family where he was going.

★ He didn't even tell his father. He just packed his bags with his things and silently disappeared from the trailer.

★ Merle didn't know about it, either. Daryl loved his brother but he knew what a dick he was and what he involved himself in, and he didn't want that in his new life with you. He wanted to start fresh, wipe the slate clean.

★ It was a couple of months before the outbreak when you and Daryl saw Merle again. You were walking around, doing grocery shopping, when you bumped into him.

★ Merle was immensely surprised when he noted the wedding rings on both of your fingers, and demanded to know why he wasn't invited to the wedding.

★ However, he guessed he shouldn't have been surprised when Daryl bitterly spat out that there wasn't a wedding and that you eloped. If he knew anything about Daryl, it's that he doesn't do big, fancy events.

★ About a month before the outbreak, you started feeling nauseous and more tired than usual. A total of three pregnancy tests confirmed that the reason for that wasn't because you were ill, but because you had a life growing inside of you.

★ Daryl was surprised to find out you were pregnant. Neither of you planned the pregnancy and it was extremely unexpected.

★ However, you both decided to keep the baby.

★ Daryl was scared of what parenthood had in store for him. He didn't want to end up like his father or be even worse than him.

★ It took for you to gently talk him through his fears for him to start calming down.

★ After he was calmed down, he allowed himself to feel happy. The two of you were in a stable environment with enough money between the both of you to accommodate a baby, so he felt himself relax.

★ That didn't last long, because soon the two of you would hear about the dead rising and see the news reports that warn you to evacuate immediately.

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[alexsoenomel]

Zippo Lighter (Dean Winchester x Reader fluffy smut)

Request: Hi 😊 would you do a Dean Winchester imagine where youre secretly having a crush on each other but not admitting it. Then one time Sam is out and you're alone at the motel, so it happens you accidentally walk in the bathroom while Dean takes a shower. You get all flustered but Dean takes the chance to grab you and kiss you and you end up in bed making soft love that night. In the morning Sam finds you cuddling and is just happy you finally got together

Summary: You were born with a very special and powerful gift. This is the story of how you met the Winchesters and fell for the older one. 

Pyrokinesis  /ˌpaɪroʊkɪˈniːsɪs/ —The ability to set objects or people on fire or to supernaturally project fire from one's own being through the concentration of psychic power.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: mentions of rape, abuse and death, AGE GAP (DEAN IS 35 AND THE READER IS 20), sweet and vanilla sex (reader is a virgin)

Word count: 7,505 (OOPS! I got carried away...)

Note: I LIVE FOR MUTURAL PINING OKAY! I put my own little twist to it and the only thing I left out from the request was when Sam finds them together....I kinda wanted a funny ending. Request by @tieddown-withbattleshipchains​

Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

ALSO HUGE THANK YOU TO MY QUEEN FOR BEING THE BEST AND HELPING ME GROW AS A WRITER! LOVE YA GIRL!  @ambergoddess444ALSO CHECK OUT HER BLOG!!  SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER HERSELF AND IS CURRENTLY WORKING ON AN AMAZING SERIES CALLED LAWFUL BALANCE!!!! 

It was said that being different was, is and will, most of the time, be a bad thing. Why? Probably because people usually didn't understand why someone was different. Sure, there are good human beings in this world, but most of the time, when you hear something filled with hatred it tends to stay with you longer than the good things. That's why you kept things quiet.

You didn't really have good friends and your family died in a fire...a fire you started when you were just a little girl in diapers, crying yourself to sleep. One moment you were crying in your crib for mommy to pick you up and feed you, and the next, everything was on fire....except you. You still didn’t know what exactly happened. That day you became an orphan, depending on others and your home was an orphanage near the house you once lived in. You weren’t happy there whatsoever. You had no friends, the food was awful and the women who were supposed to keep you safe didn’t care and treated you like garbage. No one liked you, no one wanted you…so you decided to run.

The night before your 18th birthday you packed a bag and finally, when everyone went to sleep, at around 3am, you left and never came back. When they finally realized you were gone, they were furious. Of course they tried to look for you, but failed. You were far gone from your city and everything you knew. It was time to start over.

That was two years ago.

Now, at the age of 20, you were content and living your life instead of just surviving. You worked as a janitor in a local high school in Lebanon, Kansas. It wasn’t much but you had your own little place, some money to survive and had a somewhat normal life. You thought you had finally run away from your past, and as far as your outstanding ability went, you decided to shut it down. You didn’t think about it and just for a second it seemed like you had finally moved on. You were even thinking about going to college and finally doing something you loved. Being a janitor wasn’t something you wanted to do for the rest of your life. 

Everything seemed fine, you managed to make some friends at that high school (more like people you were friendly with); some of them were students rushing desperately to graduate and go to college, some of them were even teachers, and for the first time you felt accepted, which was ironic considering you worked in the most judgmental place on Earth.

Who knew everything was about to change one night? You sure didn’t. You were clueless.

At around 1am on a Friday night you were awakened by the sound of the glass shattering. You got up and went to the kitchen only to see a shadow of a man.

“Who the hell are you?” You asked. You weren’t scared, you were angry and that wasn’t good for either one of you.

“Hey there.” The man spoke. His voice sent cold shivers down your spine, and not the good kind. It was the kind that made you sick to your stomach.

“Don’t move.” He said, pulling out a gun. “You’re going to be a very good girl for me tonight.”

You still weren’t terrified. The man had the face of a true monster and you still weren’t scared. He told you he was going to rape you and rob you, and you still didn’t flinch. Instead you were raging with anger. Your jaw was painfully clenched as your hands formed two fists. Slowly you approached him, step by step…

“Don’t fucking move.” He ordered but you didn’t listen.

“You told me to be good, right?” You asked innocently while the muzzle of the gun was on your chest. Slowly you put your palm on it. “I will be good I promise.”

The smell of melted metal filled the room, along with the smoke and…light?

A small beam of light came directly from your palm, intriguing the man to become fixated on it. You, on the other hand, didn’t notice. A few seconds later, the gun muzzle was shut, and the gun became useless.

“What the fuck did you do?” The man asked, as panic started to set in.

You weren’t feeling right. You knew he couldn’t hurt you now but you were still angry. He broke into your home, with the intent to assault you and might try again if you don’t do something. The anger was too much…

“Oh nothing…” You said calmly and pressed your thumb on his chest imagining the fire burning on that exact spot.

The man was confused until he looked down and saw his sweater on fire. He started to panic and tried to find the nearest object to put the fire out. It was useless; he was a dead man from the moment he broke into your apartment.

You stepped back from him and slowly moved your hand up in the air. The fire spread all over him now and he was screaming. That scream of pure agony woke you up. You quickly realized what you had done and it was time to run. No time to get your stuff, you just grabbed your wallet and left. Soon,the whole ground floor, where your apartment was, was on fire…

You didn’t know where to run or where to hide. You didn’t have a car and you wanted to leave town as soon as possible. What happened? What have I done?

Those were the questions you couldn’t get out of your head while running God knows where.You didn’t know where your legs were taking you, but you couldn’t stop running.  It was dark and it felt like every soul was asleep except you. The night seemed so endless and hollow.

Why can’t I just be normal? I want to be normal.

It was probably 7am and you were still on the move. You unknowingly passed the highway and entered the woods you had no knowledge existed in the first place. Eventually you noticed the sun was about to rise and you were exhausted.

Still in shock from previous events, you felt like screaming. Tears were coming down your cheeks and your stomach made the loudest noise letting you know you were hungry. Realizing you were lost, you decided to sit down and rest for a bit. You let your mind slowly drift to sleep as you listened to the sounds surrounding you; birds chirping, wind blowing, branches swinging and…someone running?

You immediately got up, feeling anxious yet again. In your mind it could be a serial killer or a dangerous animal.

“HELLO?”

Nothing.

“HELLO?”

Nothing yet again.

You slowly started to panic, feeling like you could burst at any minute and setting everything on fire again scared the living shit out of you.

“Hey.” Someone said behind you.

You turned around, and faster than lightning, from your hand a small ball of fire flew and almost hit the guy who was standing behind you. Luckily, he was fast enough to throw himself on the ground and the fire hit a tree, missing him by a few inches.

“What the hell?” You mumbled and looked at your hand. This was new. You have never done something like this. Imagining where you wanted fire to burn was the only way you could create it.

Sometimes you would lose control (like last night) but you never thought fire could leave your body just like it did now. It was like you were a living, breathing lighter.

“I’m so sorry.” You said. “I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t tell anyone what you saw. Fuck.” By this point you were having a full blown panic attack in the middle of the woods with a stranger. What a perfect scenario, you thought.

“Hey, first of all I won’t.” The stranger got up and cleaned the dirt off his shorts. He was tall, very tall, with long-ish hair and a pleasant face. By the looks of his clothes he was jogging. Who in their right state of mind jogs in the middle of the woods at 7 o’clock in the morning? Clearly this guy. “Second, how did you do that?”

“I don’t know.” You said wiping tears off your cheek. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Okay. This is going to sound crazy but I live in a bunker near these woods with my brother, we deal with this kind of stuff all the time. You’re clearly stressed out and tired, do you want to come with me? We can sort everything out.”

“What? So you have seen stuff like this?” You asked, genuinely surprised by his answer.

“This? No…but I have seen a lot of things people only dream about.”

“You sound like a character from a TV show…or a mental patient.” You said, still questioning whether he was telling the truth.

“Yeah. People usually tend to think I’m crazy.” He smiled.

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“Think about it this way, you can kill me if I try anything.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.”

He seemed genuine and you felt like you could trust him. He was right; you could kill him if you wanted to. Your powers were growing and you could feel it. You didn’t want it, but it was out of your control.

On your way to “the bunker”, you explained to him what happened: the stranger in your home, destroying his gun and killing him…he seemed to believe your every word.  His name was Sam Winchester and he wasn’t lying. He did in fact live with his brother in these woods. It was some sort of a reinforced underground shelter, bunker of some sort;   it screamed men cave but it was cozy and felt like an actual home.

“Hey Sam.”  Someone emerged from the kitchen. A man in a long, gray robe with morning bed hair and coffee in his right hand. “Who’s this?”

“This is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is my brother Dean.“ He looked at him and just nodded.”I will explain later. Now do you want to take a shower while I talk to my brother?”

“That would be nice, thank you.” You said.

Sam gave you a towel, a clean shirt and showed you where the guest room was, along with the bathroom. You were still a little anxious and on the edge after everything that had happened the previous night, but strangely enough, you knew everything would be okay in the end. You could trust Sam.

“I’m hungry and I’m not gonna ask anything until I eat my breakfast.” Dean said calmly, looking at his plate of pancakes like he was looking at the most beautiful woman in the world.

“I’m screwed, aren’t I? Sam smiled.

“Oh yeah.”

After 10 minutes of Dean stuffing his face with pancakes and Sam looking at his laptop as usual, you were finally done with the shower and the older brother was ready to ask some questions.

“Okay first of all, why did you let a stranger use my shower?” Dean asked.

“It’s a guest bathroom, Dean.”

“Still…What’s her deal?”

“I ran into her while jogging…she’s…” He didn’t know how to explain it to him because he wasn’t quite sure what he witnessed in the first place.

“What?” Dean was growing impatient, you could hear it in his deep and sharp voice.

“She can create fire.” He finally spat it out. “I found her in the woods scared and alone and she threw a ball of fire at me.”

“And you brought her here?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“I scared her. The fire hit the tree.”

Dean wasn’t pleased with his brother and the decision to bring a complete stranger to their home, but of course, Sam already knew that and still decided to help you. He knew what it was like to feel completely alone, so he wanted to help.

“Still she could have killed you Sam.” Dean yelled.

“But I didn’t mean to.” You said standing behind them with wet hair and face almost red after a hot shower. The shirt Sam gave you was just above your knees but you were still wearing your dirty pajama bottoms.  “I panicked and I’m so sorry Sam.”

“I believe you. Now, let's figure this out.”

You nodded and sat next to Dean while Sam was still searching for something on his laptop. “There it is.” He mumbled and showed you the article. Damn, those journalists were fast. It was about the dead guy in your burnt down apartment. Luckily no one else got hurt or died. You then showed Dean the article.

“You did this?” He asked. His face was a little tense. He was contemplating if he could trust you or not.

“Yeah. Some guy broke in and threatened to rape me. I got mad.”

“Rape you?” He said after checking the screen once more. The guy you killed was a convicted sex offender.

“Yes. He had a gun.” You added.

“Well, it’s safe to say he got what he deserved. “ Dean said.

“Yeah but my life is ruined.” You said looking at your hands. “I could never live a normal life.”

“What do you mean? Where are your parents?” Sam asked.

You couldn’t even look at him and you sure weren’t about to cry. You told them about your parents, the fire, the orphanage and the abuse you endured and how life has been nothing but running and hiding for you. You have been just surviving for the majority of your life. It became exhausting, but once you finally started living, it all seemed too good to be true. Now you knew, it was. You could never have a normal life.

“I didn’t ask for this.” Your voice was trembling as you struggled not to completely fall apart. “I just want to be normal.”  

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were so angry at yourself it made your heart literally hurt. You felt like you were about to have a heart attack or maybe it was just breaking knowing you lost one thing you wanted the most – normalcy. You excused yourself and went to the guest room where you were staying. As soon as you shut the door you started to cry collapsing onto the floor. You suddenly heard Sam’s voice calling your name.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Can I come in?”

“I’m a mess, better not. Give me a minute!”

“Okay but know one thing. It’s not your fault you were born like this. It doesn’t matter what you are nor what abilities you have, it only matters what you do. It’s your choice. You were a baby when it happened, (Y/N).”

Sam’s words hit you like a damn truck. He was right, you knew he was, but you couldn’t shake off the guilt you felt. You decided to open the door. You wiped your tears and let him in.

“You sure know your way with words, Sam.” You said, forcing a smile on your face.

“That’s because I’ve been there.” He confessed.

“You said you and your brother deal with all kinds of strange stuff, what exactly do you mean? Are there more people like me?”

He told you he will tell you everything if you stop crying and go back to the library.

“Okay.”

When you got back to the library, Sam proceeded to tell you stories that you would only read in books or see in movies. He told you he and Dean were hunters, but not the ones you thought. They hunted creatures… supernatural beings.

Stories about actual ghosts, demons and even angels followed. Dean even told you God himself existed…and that Lucifer was a tantrum making man-child which made you chuckle. When you asked them about humans with abilities he told you there were people with telekinesis, but your case was unknown to them.

“Well then…” Disappointment and confusion was all you felt in that moment.  “This sucks.”

“Want a drink?” Dean asked.

“Yes, please.” You said as a thought followed. I’m not old enough to drink.

Dean went and got you the strongest whiskey he could find. When you took a sip, the burning sensation went straight through your throat. It was strong alright and you have never tasted alcohol before. Strangely enough, it tasted good. It made you clench your eyes shut, but it was really good.

“Thank you.”

“Welcome.”

“Do you think I’m a monster?” You then asked him. Dean was taken aback for a second before he finally answered.

“Nah, you don’t want to kill people, do you?”

“No.”

“You don’t feed off people?”

“No.”

“Then you’re good, don’t worry. Besides, I think it’s pretty awesome what you can do.”

You have never heard someone tell you this; then again no one has ever known what you can do. His words rang in your mind as your gaze went to your now half empty glass, wondering how you drank the amount you did.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re like a walking, talking Zippo lighter.” Dean’s voice was naturally deep and husky; hearing him call you a walking,talking Zippo lighter sent light shivers all over your body. His lips formed a pout, he seemed to really like his little analogy.

Looking at your right hand, scanning every inch of it, you couldn’t get his words off your mind; a walking, talking Zippo lighter. Something in your mind happened that caused the tip of your index finger to make a small flame, indeed like a lighter. You smiled in shock; this was the first time you actually used your ability, without feeling angry. Rotating your hand you imagined the flame getting bigger, and indeed it became bigger.

“Like this?” You asked.

“Wow.” Dean said clearly impressed while Sam had a look of worry written all over his face.

“(Y/N)…” Sam finally spoke in a whisper. Brows furrowed; his face screamed concern. He was afraid you might slip and lose control, like you did with him. You took that as a sign to stop, so you brought your fingers into a fist and the flame was gone.

“Sorry.” You then mumbled.

“You’re indeed a Zippo lighter.” Dean said and lifted his glass. “Let’s drink to that!”

“Cheers!” You said lifting yours and chugged the rest of the whiskey.  “What am I going to do though?”

One glass of whiskey wasn’t enough for you to forget your whole situation. You had nowhere to go, only a little money in your pocket that will probably last you a month if you skip dinner every night.

“Tell you what, why don’t you stay with us for a while?” Sam said. “This library is filled with books about the supernatural, there must be something about your ability, we just have to find it.”

“Really?” You asked, looking at Dean for approval.

“We don’t usually do this, heck we don’t do this ever, but if Sam trusts you I trust you. But if you do anything stupid we will have a problem. Got it?” Dean said.

“DEAN!” Sam yelled, annoyed because in his eyes, he was basically threatening a child. You were 20, but still apparently a child in his eyes.

“THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!” You got up from your chair and went straight for a hug.

“Oh, okay then…” Dean said as you wrapped your hands around his neck from behind as he was still sitting and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Dean was definitely surprised by your actions and couldn’t hide the smirk on his face. Then you went and hugged Sam. You felt so small due to his height. His body was firm and he smelled like a winter mountain’s air, fresh.  

For the first time in your life you felt safe. These guys just met you and they were willing to take you under their wing and help you find answers to questions that followed you for as long as you have been on this Earth. You couldn’t be more thankful for that.

*********

First few weeks living in the bunker with the brothers was a bit awkward and not for them, but for you. It still kind of was after almost five months of being a part of their lives. Sam became like a brother to you, for the first time in your life you could just let go and tell someone what was bothering you and what was on your mind. He became your best friend.

But Dean on the other hand…

Dean was something else. You found yourself looking at him more and more, but in a way you didn’t understand. It came out of nowhere. The man was gorgeous, no doubt about that, but he also liked rock music, had a weakness for pecan pie and overall was a pretty funny guy with a heart of gold. Of course you couldn’t tell Sam about it, it would make things even more awkward and you definitely couldn’t tell Dean, so you decided to not think about it. Suffer in silence and be dramatic…

You had a pretty good life with them. At first Dean didn’t let you go on hunts with them because he thought you would get hurt, but you took care of that. When a nest of vampires came to your town you made sure to show Dean what you can do. You took down the whole nest with one flame.

“Damn (Y/N)!” He said when he realized the whole nest was dead. It made you blush like a schoolgirl.

Your ability just kept getting stronger. Sam was helping you control it and so far it was working, deep breaths, meditation and surprisingly yoga helped but as far as knowing the origin of your powers… that still remained a mystery. Being an impulsive ass you sometimes had moments when you couldn’t control yourself and lit things on fire. It was a little saddening knowing you might never find an answer where your powers came from but you learned to accept it. So far it was working for you. You were in a good place.

One Monday morning you were eating breakfast with the boys while Sam was on his laptop with a piece of toast in his mouth searching for a case.

“Sam, will you ever eat breakfast without your beloved laptop?” You asked him.

“Nope.” He mumbled.

You looked over at Dean who was looking back at you smiling. He was looking extra good today which made you nervous. Your little crush was still alive and well, tormenting you day and night. You smiled back at him before you heard Sam saying he found a case. Perfect timing, you didn’t want to look for too long and be obvious.

“Where?” Dean asked.

“Los Angeles. Two people dead and one is missing. Eyes burnt.”

“City of angels and dead angels. What an irony.” You said.

“Or demons.” Dean added.

“So are we going?” You then asked.

You were going and you were going right after breakfast. You packed your bags and went within 20 minutes. The ride was going to be long so you packed some snacks, water and beer as well. This was going to be the first LONG drive with the brothers. Almost 24 hours… Sitting in the back seat you couldn’t help but watch Dean as he started the engine and pushed the gas pedal of his Baby. He really loved that car, blasting Led Zeppelin through the speakers, jamming to their music and genuinely being happy.

After a while you put your jacket against the window using it as a pillow and fell asleep. You didn’t get much sleep that night so might as well use the time to nap.

You woke up about two hours later still on the road.

“Good morning.” You heard Dean say.

“Hi (Y/N).” Sam said.

“Hi, are we there yet?” You murmured, still a little sleepy.

They both laughed telling you, you have been asleep for only two hours.

“Damn it.”

The ride was long and exhausting. You listened to Dean’s playlist which you didn’t mind considering you loved classic rock and slept while the older brother was driving. You made a few stops here and there to stretch your legs and have a breath of fresh air before finally arriving in Los Angeles the next day at around 7am. You found a cheap motel and decided to eat and rest for a bit before going to work. The room was relatively small with three beds, a semi clean bathroom and a dining table.  

“Dibs on the shower.” You said.

“I’m next.” Sam said, looking at his brother.

“Ugh fine.” You heard Dean as you closed the door.

After a steamy hot shower you felt like you have just been reborn. Because it was hot as hell (pun intended), you put on a pair of shorts, one of Dean’s old Led Zeppelin shirts you “borrowed” and your worn out boots. When you opened the door Dean’s gaze went straight to you. He was obvious but you didn’t see it. You were too tired and hungry to notice anything.

Dean was lost in you and he was quite confused by it. When he first saw you, he thought you were cute but then when you told him you were 20 he slapped himself mentally. He was 35 and it felt weird.

While he was drinking his beer and Sam was taking a shower, he watched you as you roamed around the room packing your stuff searching for God knows what in those damn shorts before you sat down across from him and opened your small bottle of vodka you bought at the gas station. You looked older than your actual age so buying alcohol was never a problem for you.

“What’s that?” Dean asked.

“Vodka.”

“You know you’re not old enough to drink?”

“I will be 21 in five months, leave me be.” You smiled and took a sip. Vodka was strong, burning your throat for a few seconds but it felt so good it woke you up instantly. Drinking on an empty stomach wasn’t smart at all and you knew that, but man you needed that little taste. You were a little nervous being alone with Dean.

You didn’t know but he couldn’t stop thinking how hot you were in those shorts and his shirt. “Why the fuck do I have a crush on a chick who's not old enough to drink?”

*****

The next day started at 6am. Dean woke you with a fresh cup of coffee under your nose.

“Good morning princess.”

His sarcastic tone made you roll your eyes before you even opened them. You got up, eyes still closed, hair all over your face, and took a sip of bitter black coffee. It was good enough to make you open your eyes, as you sat on the edge of the bed, processing your existence.

“Where’s Sam?” You said under your breath.

“Went to check out the bodies. Get dressed! We are going in ten minutes!”

“Without breakfast?” You asked knowing damn well Dean would never skip breakfast.

“With breakfast dumbass! We are meeting him at the diner two blocks away.”

“Good.” You simply said and went to the bathroom.

*****

The whole day was a bust. You checked out the bodies but couldn’t locate the source of the killings and with Cas (a badass angel whom you had a pleasure meeting once) not answering his angel phone, you were kinda stuck.

Later that day another body popped up, but no new leads followed. Annoyed, tired and sweaty in the suits you were wearing pretending to be the FBI, you decided to try again tomorrow. Sam decided to go for a walk and clear his head, while Dean was ready to hit the sack. You were hungry so you decided to grab a burger before going back to the motel.

After eating your Five guys you came back to the room, ready for a shower and some sweet dreams. Where's Dean?

Kicking your boots off, you noticed Dean’s suit on his bed and yet again wondered where he was. You took off the blazer and pants, feeling the warm air brush your skin and relief since it was so damn hot. Wrapping a towel around your naked body you opened the bathroom door only to see Dean standing surrounded by steam with a towel around his hips. You have seen him shirtless before, covered in cuts and blood, but shirtless nonetheless and every time you would tell yourself to not stare for too long.

“Holy shit, I’m sorry.” You said and closed the door immediately. You could feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment as you tried to shake the same feeling away. Dean was good at reading people and you had to be careful with your silly little crush. You didn’t want to make things awkward.

Dean opened the door, still wearing only a towel.

“You done?” You refused to look at him. Your eyes were looking at the bathroom door right behind him.

“Yeah.” He said. He was admiring the sight before him. Your locks of hair gently touching your shoulders, white towel wrapped around you, you looked tired and beautiful. I will lose my damn mind.

You just nodded and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. Deep breaths didn't help, your heartbeat was in your throat, while your body felt unfamiliar and tense.

Meanwhile Dean got dressed and went to bed trying desperately to not think about the view he saw minutes ago. He failed.

Great, now I have a boner.

In the bathroom you took your sweet time to really enjoy the shower. You liked steaming hot showers, your philosophy was: if the skin wasn’t red afterwards, the shower wasn't good enough. You've always loved being hot, summer was your favorite holiday, hot coffee was your favorite drink; you sometimes wondered if your ability shaped your whole personality…BUT feeling hot and bothered because of a man was another story. It wasn't any man, it was Dean Winchester. You shook the sweet sinful thoughts of you and him doing the horizontal tango and focused on washing the shampoo from your hair.

After the shower you brushed your teeth and got into an oversized Mötley Crüe shirt you bought a few years ago in a random music store in Kansas. It covered your ass and was perfect for sleeping. Plus it reminded you of the things that once were and bittersweet memories of your almost normal life.

I wonder how his lips taste. God, I really want to bite his perfect little nose.

You shook your head.

No….skin care!

After finishing your skin care, which only consisted of one serum, you stepped out of the bathroom and saw Dean on his phone, pretending to not scan you as you went under the covers.

God, I love that shirt on her.

I should really do something before Sam gets back.

"(Y/N)?" You heard him as you were trying to get comfortable in a shitty motel bed.

"Yeah?"

She's too young for me.

She doesn't like me.

It's weird.

"Do you still wish to be normal?"

Stupid fucking question.

"Not really, why?"

Dean swallowed nervously, not knowing where to take this conversation.

You were surprised by his question. Why is he asking me this?

"Just wondering, I know how messed up you were when we met."

"You and Sam really helped me accept that part of myself. It's not something I would change." You were lying on your side, facing Dean. Something seemed off about him and you noticed. It felt like secrets were lingering in the air and he refused to say anything. The air was tense. You were nervous.

Maybe I'll get lucky tonight.

You're not in a porn movie (Y/N)! Snap out of it! He probably thinks I'm too young for him?

Should I do something though?

What is he hiding from me?

"Plus, I really like being a walking, talking Zippo lighter." You finally added, reminding him of his little comparison.

He chuckled. "You know, I have one and it's not as badass as you."

You felt your cheeks burning up. You were trying to determine if it was his comment or warm air in the room.

"Yeah well, I'm a collector's item. Unique, I guess." You said and sat up on the edge of the bed. You looked at your left hand before it was engulfed in fire. Dean was watching you closely, hypnotized by the flame. You wanted to try something you have been practicing for a while.

"Open your Zippo, Dean." You told him. He went to the sofa and got his lighter from his jacket. He was only in his boxers but you were too focused on the flame in your hand to fully process.

He opened the silver Zippo he had had for years and before he could say anything you snapped your fingers and a small flame started flying in the air before it settled on the wick.

"Holy shit that's awesome!"  

"Yeah? Been practicing control for a bit."

"Well good job Zippie! This is fucking amazing!" For a second he sounded like an excited child in an amusement park.

You chuckled. Zippie. You liked when he gave you nicknames and occasional terms of endearment like sweetheart or darling. It made your little heart dance.

"I really like that." You said and formed a fist making the whole flame disappear from your hand and his lighter.

"What?" He asked. His voice was deep but something changed. You couldn't put a finger on it but your gut was telling you something good was lingering just around the corner. His face was a dead giveaway. You knew Dean, not long, but long enough to recognise the look he had whenever he wanted to devour a woman alive. You’ve seen it like ten times in the past few months. He was a flirty type.  

His face was relaxed, smoldering eyes burning right through you, occasionally licking his perfect plum lips.

He likes me.

"I like the nickname Zippie." You finally said as you snapped back to reality.

He didn't say anything. He just put his lighter back in the pocket of his leather jacket and sat on your bed.

"Can I tell you something, Zippie?"

"Yeah, you can." You said, your voice struggling not to completely disappear.

"When I say I think you're badass I really mean that. You're really something else…"

Why can't I just tell her?

You smiled. You knew he thought your ability was awesome but to hear him say it was something else. It was from the heart.

"I believe you."

You sat next to him and put your index finger in front of him. A small yellow flame appeared.

"Make a wish!" You said. He wasn't sure why you did that but he knew exactly what to wish for.

I wish you would kiss me back.

Dean closed his eyes and blew the candle that was your finger.

After he did it, you did exactly the same.

I wish you would kiss me.

"What did you wish for?" You said, not noticing how close your faces were.

"This!" And with that Dean closed the gap between you with a soft kiss on your lips. You could taste the hint of mint right away from his toothpaste while your hand went to cup his cheek before you decided to sit on his lap. Your forehead was resting on his when you broke the kiss.

"I wished the same thing." You confessed.

His hand went in your hair as he smiled and kissed you again, this time letting you know he wanted more. He wanted it all.

You moaned into the kiss and you placed your hands on his cheeks, pulling him closer. His kisses were addictive, sweet and with a taste of something you have never experienced before – lust. You’ve kissed a few, you’ve made out with the few, but never actually felt wanted enough to sleep with someone. Until now.

You broke the kiss, panting like you just ran a marathon.

“Sam’s going to kill you, y’know?” You said as his lips drifted to your neck, leaving a small trail of kisses all over.

“Why do you think that?” He was, of course, clueless.

“It’s not like you’re 15 years older than me Dean.” You said sarcastically. “Plus he sees me as his younger sister.”

“Ew gross!” He answered between kisses. “I mean…I thought I’m too old for you but–”

“But nothing.” You cut him off. “It’s not like I’m 16, give me a break! Plus 35 is a perfect age for a man.”

Dean lifted his head up to look at you, his green eyes were sparkling and his lips were smiling. “You think so?”

“Yeah I know so! Sam showed me your old photos when you were in your early 20s. You are aging like fine wine.”

It was true. You and Sam were rummaging through old boxes on a random, rarely free, Sunday when you found old photos of the brothers throughout the years. Dean in his early 20s was an innocent, breathtaking boy with a stunning smile on his face. He would protect you and make sure you were safe, whilst Dean in his early 30s would kill for you and make sure you were far from danger. Dean in his early 30s was tired and wise, body and soul filled with scars, but beauty intact.

Dean’s smile became a smirk. He nodded, accepting the compliment before he kissed you again. His hands went under your shirt, his fingers tracing all over your skin, sending goosebumps all over your body. In response you started to slowly move your hips and grind against him, feeling how hard he already was. It then hit you. You didn’t tell him.

“Dean?” You said breaking the kiss…again.

“Huh?”

“I have a thing I forgot to tell you.” You started. You felt nervous even though you didn’t know why. It wasn’t a big deal and you knew that, The only question was how to properly articulate it.

“Spill it!” He looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes, excited about what you would say next. Who knew he was like a puppy when he liked someone.

“You’re going to be my first.” You finally spilled it after a few seconds of silence.

He tilted his head slightly. “You mean your first DILF?”

You sighed and gave him a bitch face. Too much time with Sam was rubbing off on you. “You’re not a father as far as I know, Dean! No, like the first guy I’m gonna sleep with!”

His lips formed a small O when you told him.

“You mean…?”

“Yeah!”

“Are you sure you want to though?” He then asked, even though he already knew the answer. You trusted him. He trusted you.

“Yeah. Now shut up and kiss me, will ya?”

“Yes ma’am.” He smirked.

This kiss seemed different, needy and filled with lust and adoration. It felt like he was holding everything back until now. It felt like you finally got to taste your favorite wine, so sweet and addictive. You couldn't get enough of it.

You leaned in, urging him to follow you as you fell into the mattress. While you were kissing, you couldn't help but slowly move your hips, grinding against him, feeling how hard he was. It was a brand new feeling. You liked the idea of him getting all hot and bothered because of you. He moaned into the kiss, growing impatient before he took your shirt off, exposing you completely. You thought you were going to be shy and hide your body from him, but something about Dean made you feel comfortable and free.

"You're so beautiful." He said in pure adoration.

"You're making me blush." You said and meant it. His words were meaningful and true. No other person has ever made you believe the things they said. That was why you didn't even bother to go all the way with people you have been seeing. You could read right through them and see their true intentions.

Your hands were roaming freely all over his body. He was all muscles and covered in scars, each one telling a story of his life as a hunter.

He took his time on you, making sure you were comfortable and relaxed for him. His right hand went down to your naked body, feeling every bump and inch of your skin. Your lips parted as you let out a sigh. When he reached the most sensitive spot between your legs his thumb started to rub you in a circular motion while his lips never left your neck. .

“You like that?” He asked between kisses.

The only thing that escaped from your lips was a light: “Aha.”

“Good.”

He took your panties off exposing you completely under him. Soon his boxers followed. When you saw how big he actually was you swallowed nervously wondering how much it would hurt. You knew first times always hurt and it usually sucked, but so far you were enjoying every minute of it. He knew which buttons to push and which places to kiss.

He positioned himself between your legs and slowly entered you. You were holding on to his back, fingers deep in his skin as you gasped in discomfort. It hurt but it wasn’t as bad as you expected.

“Holy shit!” You said under your breath.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah…just….move!”

He nodded and started to move slowly. It still hurt but after every slow thrust, it hurt a little bit less and less, until the pleasure took over the pain almost completely. He was taking it slow while kissing every inch of your skin he could get his lips on. You were breathing into each other while his thrusts became faster and stronger. You could feel yourself getting warmer and something in the lower part of your stomach. You weren’t sure what it was but you liked it.

“You’re hot!” He noticed, feeling your body temperature rise after every thrust.

“I feel weird!” You whispered into his ear before placing a kiss on his neck. “I think I’m close!”

It felt like a rollercoaster but instead of going up and down; you only went up until you couldn’t take anymore and just crashed. But the thing was your body temperature kept rising and rising until you reached your breaking point. You were both panting, gasping for air, your hands were leaving light scratches on Dean’s back and yet he didn’t even flinch.  

“FUCK!” You moaned, feeling the orgasm pierce through you. Your lips were parted, back slightly arched under Dean, but your eyes changed color – two yellow sparks appeared as you were experiencing your first big O.

“Dean!” His name didn’t leave your lips, just like a cigarette of a smoker.

Dean didn’t stop until you came down from the euphoric high. He watched your eyes go back to your normal color, following your body temperature.

When he stopped moving and collapsed on you, you kissed him on the lips and did what you’ve always wanted to do – you bit his nose.

“Why did you do that?” He smiled in confusion.

“You have a perfect nose and for some reason I’ve always wanted to bite it.” You explained.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He moved next to you, covered in sweat, wondering what he saw a few moments ago.

“(Y/N), did you feel your temperature rise before you came?”

“Yeah. It was weird and yet it felt amazing.”

“Yeah your eyes also changed color.” He added, thinking how perfect your nickname was. Zippie the human lighter.

“Changed color?”

“Yeah they were yellow, like you had sparks in your eyes.”

“Awesome!” You said and kissed his shoulder. “Sam is still going to kill you though!”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah!”

That night you slept in separate beds since Sam was sharing the room with you. He came back three hours later and by that time you were both fast asleep.

The next morning during breakfast in the nearby diner, between stuffing your face with eggs and bacon, you decided to be a little bit of a dick.

“Sam, I found out something new about myself.”

Sam took a sip of his black coffee. “Really? What?”

Dean was ignoring the whole conversation, eating his pancakes.

“My body temperature rises and my eyes sparkle whenever I have an orgasm!”

Dean choked on his pancakes, while Sam stayed silent in shock before looking at Dean giving him his iconic bitch face.  

“Really, Dean?”

“Zippie, you’re a dick!” He told you.

“Your dick now since you like me that much, handsome!” You winked at him.

[rye-bread08]

Finally finished my Gravity Falls OC

(If theres any questions about her, please do leave them in my inbox, I will do my best to answer them, since im practically crafting her story as I go, so things I say here might not be canon in later revisions)

And to my least favourite part writing: (TLDR; Childhood friends, Stan got kicked out, years passed they met again in Vegas, Dated, Stan 'died' in a Crash, 30 years later, met 3 & 4 in the woods, went to find Stan, reconnected)

Camila "Millie" Rosaline Garcia was born and raised in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. As a child, she spent nearly every day at the beach, this is where she met the Twins, Stan and Ford. Being just a year younger than the two, she naturally went along with them really well, and they quickly became friends.

Millie attended the same school as the twins and developed a deep infatuation for Ford. Her feelings were met with a rejection, as Ford was aware that his twin, Stan, had crush on her. Despite this, their friendship remained strong throughout high school. When Stan suddenly left without a word, Millie was understandably upset. Ford simply told her to not worry about it and to continue with life.

After Graduating, Mills pursued her passion and attended an art school neighboring Backupsmore University. Her and Ford interacted a lot in the beginning and almost started dating, but Ford prioritized his studies, and their interactions happen less and less. They eventually stopped talking and just focused on their own lives. After graduating from University, Millie traveled across America, seeking opportunities in the film and theater industries. She eventually settled in Las Vegas, where she sold paintings and worked as a background actor in films. To make ends meet, she also took a job at a local diner. One day, a familiar face randomly appeared. It was her childhood friend Stanley Pines. Despite the years apart, they hit it off almost instantly. Quite Little has changed, he's still the Big goof she knew since childhood, and still had his athletic physique and strong personality. But now, he's ever so slightly more charismatic? One thing led to another, and their renewed friendship soon turned into romance. Their relationship led them to create new memories together. For a year or two, their relationship seemed like a second chance at happiness. They enjoyed every bit of time they were together and found comfort with each other’s company.

However, their rekindled romance was short-lived. During a risky illegal venture involving Stan, he fled, leaving Millie to face legal trouble. She was arrested, and after being incarcirated, the atmosphere of their relationship drastically changed. Even after they parted ways following a heated argument, their true feelings for each other still remained.

-

Millie’s life was a mess after finding out about Stan’s tragic death in a horrible car crash. But she pushed through, throwing herself into her art, traveling across the Americas, selling her creations to fund her travels. Her journey took her to various countries, and she continued to support herself through her art for years.

Summer of 2012 While traveling through the Pacific Northwest, coming from British Columbia, Mills encountered two children taking refuge from the rain in a cave near her campsite. The two looked very identical. The only way you could be able to distinguish them from each other were the numbers in their cap, reading "3" and "4". The two, who introduced themselves as Tracey and Quattro, were visibly distressed and confused. She quickly took the two of them in. Providing them with raincoats and other necessities she bought at a nearby truck stop.

As she spent time with the two, their stories began to reveal hints of the supernatural. Millie was not estranged to the paranormal and the bizarre. Frankly, she had her own encounters throughout the years, and was very intrugued with the stories they told her.

tho, a familiar name surfaced in their tales: Stanford Pines? They havent talked ever since she graduated and left New Jersey. Mill figured that since shes still in the area, It would be nice to visit an old friend. With 3 and 4 guiding her, she drove to Gravity Falls, Oregon.

"Welcome to Gravity Falls" she read Driving through the town filled with debree and on going construction, It was clear that something happened ,any questions made were met with the same phrase "Never mind all that"

She finally drives up to the Mystery Shack, and saw Stanley? ... something something, insert plot, something, Im too lazy to right it now. Im going to bed. ... If you finished reading through that, Thank you. Im not usually the type to write, this alone took me a whole night to do and revise. I will definitely make more content of her in the future, interacting with other characters, writing more backstory, those sorts. For now If you have any questions feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

[crazyunsexycool]

The love we gave away.

Chapter 3

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Word count: 4.9k

Warnings: angst, mentions of character death, bit of soft Ransom, talks of teenage pregnancy

A/N: we find out the truth that the twins have been hiding! I know this has been kind of a slow start but I’m changing it up a bit next chapter and I’m excited for it! I also love writing a soft-ish version of Ransom first because I want to show that he is capable of it but there still is that asshole version that we might see soon!

Series Masterlist

“Who are you texting?” Teddy had poked his head into Abigail’s room to ask her something. Lately every time he looked over she was on her phone.

“Y/N.”

“Again? Don’t you get tired of talking to either of them?” Teddy asked as he walked in and sat down on Abby’s bed.

Abigail rolled her eyes as she finished typing out her message.

“No, because I want to get to know them. Y/N is really nice, you should give her a chance.”

“I already have a mom, thank you very much.”

“You’re so dramatic and for what?” Abby sat up to look at her brother. “Seriously, why are you so angry at them? Why are you angry all the time?”

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Just don’t come crying to me when they want nothing to do with you. Again. Because that’s what’s going to happen, they’re going to realize they don’t want us around and tell us to leave them alone.”

Teddy got up and walked out, slamming the door in the process. Abby was left dumbfounded.

Their mom, Annie, knocked on her door and opened it only when she heard Abby’s faint ‘come in’.

“What was that about?” Annie sat down next to her daughter, who immediately laid her head on her mother’s lap.

“I don’t know. He’s being an ass.”

“Oh come on now honey, cut your brother some slack. These last few months have been hard for all of us.”

“I know but we just-“ Abby cut herself off before she mentioned you and Ransom. She was going to tell her mom but she wanted to find the right way to say it. Maybe even figure out if both her biological parents were going to stick around.

“Just what?”

“Just moved here. We only have each other and I want to be there for him but he just hates everyone and everything.”

“We’ll figure it out honey.” Annie kisses Abby’s forehead. “We always do.”

You had just gotten off the phone with another stylist to who knows which celebrity about a custom outfit for some red carpet event when Wanda sat down across from you. Before she would even say a word your cell phone dinged and you smiled as you replied.

“Ok, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Wanda asks. Her eyes narrowed in your direction.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you dating someone? From the way you smile at your phone I would think that someone has finally gotten your attention. Maybe that Drysdale guy?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?” She asked again. If there was one thing that Wanda was, it was persistent.

“Fine, I’ll tell you. But you have to promise me this will not leave the office. It’s a very serious matter.”

“Nothing leaves this office. I promise.”

“No one in my life now knows about this. But Ransom and I have known each other since high school. We actually dated from when we were 15 until we graduated.”

“Is that the big secret, you dated a guy? Thought it’d be more interesting like you got pregnant or something.”

You only stare at her and wait for the light bulb to go off.

“Oh my god. You got pregnant when you were a teenager.” She whisper yelled.

“Yup.” You nod before you go into the details of the pregnancy and the subsequent issues. Wanda was glued to her seat, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted from all the gasping and comments she made and questions she asked.

“Wow, Y/N I’m so sorry you went through that. So what does that have to do with the texts and you being so happy?”

“You remember the kids that showed up about two weeks ago?”

“Yeah.” She gasped again as she covered her mouth with her hand. “They're your twins?”

“Yeah. Their mom gave them the letters I had written to them. Then they found a partial address and they found their way here.”

“This is crazy. So what now?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “We got together for lunch a week ago. Ransom came all the way from Boston to meet them. Abigail is more open to having a relationship with us. Theodore though, he seems so angry. I don’t know why but I can understand it must be hard for him to come to terms with everything. I’d like to officially meet their parents though and make sure they’re ok if we stay in contact. To have them in my life in any way would just be… wonderful.”

“I’m sure everything will be alright. And if you need anything I’m here for you.”

“Thank you Wanda.” You smile at her.

“Now I’m sorry to burst the bubble but we need you on the main floor.”

“I’ll be right out.” You say as your phone dings again.

Wanda smiles as she watches you type away happily on your phone. You’ve known each other for seven years now with her being your assistant for six of them. Never in her life had she guessed that you had to go through something like that. But you weren’t one to really talk about your past. This new revelation however made her understand why you tended to push people away, even when you were struggling with loneliness. Wanda steps out of your office giving you a few more minutes of privacy as she steps back into the main floor.

“This is a nice surprise. What’s the reason for the visit, Ransom?” Harlan asked as he looked up at his grandson.

Ransom plopped down on a chair across from his grandfather. A drink in his hand from the small bar cart that was in the corner of the office.

“Has your uncle been giving you trouble at the office again?”

Ransom scoffs. “That asshole knows better than to try shit at the office.”

Harlan gives Ransom a disapproving look as he sets down his pen. He sat back, his elbows sitting on the armrests and his fingers interlaced in front of him. Ransom normally came to visit on Sundays so Harlan was curious as to why his grandson was there on Thursday.

“So what’s going on?”

“I wanted to visit you today since I won’t be here Sunday.” Ransom shrugged.

“Oh? Where are you going to be?”

“New York.” Ransom sits up now, this situation with you and the twins had been weighing on him since the first meeting. He couldn’t go to his so-called friends because they weren’t those kinds of friends you could talk to.

“This is the second time you’re going to New York in a month and you don’t even like New York. You’re not going to go partying, are you Ransom?”

“No, I’m actually going to meet someone.”

“A potential new author?” Harlan’s interest piqued. While he was an author at heart and had many best sellers under his belt, he also had the publishing company. He loved finding authors that had as much passion as him and helped them get their stories out there.

“No, I’m meeting Y/N.”

Harlan wasn’t able to hide the surprise on his face. It had been years since he’d heard Ransom speak about you. Only when he got really drunk and the rest of the family wasn’t around would he allow himself to speak of you.

“It’s been years hasn’t it? How did this come about?” Harlan was eager to know more about this meeting. The older man had always been fond of you. He could see the apprehension on Ransom’s face. His mind was busy as he tried to find the right words.

“The twins…”

Harlan was at the edge of his seat now more than ever. You and the twins had brought something out in Ransom he had never seen before. It showed him that the Ransom that knew love when he was a child was still there. That Ransom could be a better man than his father and even himself. But that story had yet to have an ending and Harlan could only hope Ransom would write himself a happy one.

“They found Y/N. She met them and she contacted me.”

“And you’re going to meet them?”

“I already did. About a week ago but I am going back to see them again.”

“You met them already? The first time you went to New York.” Harlan was practically speechless. He thought of those kids, his great grandchildren daily.

“Yeah,” Ransom said with a small smile, one his grandfather hadn’t in a long time. “You’d like them, they seem like great kids. Abigail, she loves your books. I may have promised her a signed copy of your next one.” Ransom sat up more, started speaking more animatedly. “Theodore though, he seems angry. Like he doesn’t want anything to do with us. I can’t blame the kid, I don’t think it'd be easy to find out you're adopted. But they seem to have a really good relationship.”

“And you plan on being in their lives?”

“I don’t know.” Ransom admitted after a while. He didn’t dare look at his grandfather, he’d been at the receiving end of disappointing looks most of his life he didn’t need to see another one.

“I think you want to. You wouldn’t have come here and told me about them if you didn’t.”

“I wouldn’t be a good influence on them.”

“Maybe they’d be a good influence on you. Did you ever think of that? Hopefully they take after their mother in that sense.”

Ransom just narrowed his eyes at Harlan.

“Don’t look at me like that. When you and Y/N were together you were happier. She showed you that you were worth loving and it made you better. What you went through, having to give up your kids, changed you. You were so angry at the world then, still are some times. But you have a chance to answer your own question.”

“What question is that?”

“If you’d be a better father than Richard. Maybe even a better husband, if things worked out with Y/N. Maybe if you gave each other a second chance.” Harlan said hopefully.

Ransom just shook his head and scoffed. You’d never give him a chance, not after the way things ended. Harlan waved his hand dismissively.

“That doesn’t matter now. Meet with them again. Give yourself a chance to realize that you are doing the right thing by getting to know them.” Harlan smiles at his grandson. “If all goes well I’d like to meet them. And I’d like to see Y/N again too.”

“Yeah, I’ll let her know.”

“Now go. I have a book to finish if I want to give my great granddaughter a signed copy.”

Ransom smiled at that. He could already see Abigail’s excited face as she saw his signature on the first page. He gave Harlan a quick goodbye and went home to pack for his long weekend.

The cab you’d taken to meet Ransom, Abigail and Theodore stopped in front of the restaurant everyone had decided on. It was Ransom’s suggestion and although you thought it was too high end for your taste Theodore actually seemed excited about it.

You pay your fare and head in and to the back of the room where the three of them were waiting for you. Abigail was right in the middle of a story about learning how to ice skate when you walked in. It was a balm into the still open wound in your soul. To watch Ransom interact with them, he was listening and putting all of his attention on her. The question popped into your head again. Would this be your life if you hadn’t given them up for adoption?

“Hey guys, sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Hey.” Abigail got up and hugged you, Theodore just gave you a small nod.

You sat down next to Ransom and bumped your shoulders with his.

“It’s about time. Were you caught up with your sewing?”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to the twins. “So how have you been?”

“We’re good.” Theodore answered.

“Have you done anything around the city?”

“Not really, mom has been working extra hours.” Abigail gives you a sad smile.

There’s something about that statement that makes you want to know more about their parents but Theodore catches you off guard by telling you about some new video game he just got. You ask a few questions and you see him come alive with excitement, especially when he’s describing the graphics and the real life locations that inspired the video game.

****

You’ve just finished your appetizers and are talking about how busy you’ll be with work when Abigail and Theodore go quiet. You and Ransom had your backs turned slightly toward the main room so you couldn’t see what they were looking at. Before you can even turn around Abigail speaks up.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” She asks, looking extremely guilty.

You look at Ransom before turning around and looking at another woman approaching the table. She’s obviously a few years older than you. Her hair is black and in a bob, there are a few grays starting to appear. Her eyes are green and bright, a knowing smile on her lips. A rosy tint on her cheeks but underneath that you could see how tired she was.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She raises an eyebrow at Abby.

“I told you this was a bad idea.”

“You didn’t have to come, Teddy.” Abby replies.

“It’s ok, no ones in trouble here.” Annie says before turning her attention to you and Ransom. It makes you feel like you’ve been caught doing something bad. Both of you stand up and you reach out to shake hands with her. “You must be their bio parents. I hope so at least or else I’m going to have to kick someone’s ass. I’m Annie.” She jokes and it puts you at ease.

“I’m Y/N and this is Ransom and yes, we are their biological parents. May I ask, did you not know they would be here today?”

“I didn’t. I thought they’d be out exploring, like they said they would be.”

“So you lied to us?” Ransom finally spoke up as he looked at the twins. “We asked you to invite your parents and you said they were busy.”

“Ransom.”

“You lied?”

Both you and Annie said at the same time.

“Let’s take a moment. I’d like to have a word with you if it’s not too much trouble.” Annie looks at both you and Ransom.

“Yes, we’d love to talk to you. Why don’t we go somewhere more private?”

“The hotel I’m staying at is just a block away. We could go there.”

“Ok.” Annie nods. So the five of you leave the restaurant after Ransom graciously paid the bill.

****

“Order whatever you want.” Ransom tells Theodore and Abigail as he hands them the menu for room service before walking out to the balcony.

You and Annie sat opposite each other on a wrought iron table. Both of you were waiting for Ransom, who sat down beside you.

“So, where to begin?” Annie murmurs. “I had this whole conversation in my head. What I would say if I met you but now everything just seems to have completely erased from my mind.” She chuckles a bit. “I guess I want to start out by saying thank you. For having them and giving me the chance to be a mother. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you.”

“One of the worst experiences in my life, having to give them up. Does it bother you? That they came looking for us?”

“Not at all. To be completely transparent with you, I knew that address was imprinted on the letter. I knew Abigail, being the curious child she is, would see it and want to know more. I’m glad she was actually able to find you and meet you.”

“Would you and your husband be ok with us being in their lives?” Ransom asked cautiously. That was the most important question and honestly he wouldn’t know what to do if she said no.

Annie gave you both a sad smile as you sat there hopeful that she’d say yes. There was no way either of you could go back to your lives knowing that they’re so close.

“I’d be more than ok with that. But there’s a few things you should know. The most important is about my husband. In a few weeks it will be a year since he passed away.” She reveals, a few tears escape her. You grab her hand gently in hopes of giving her some type of comfort. “It was a drunk driver, he blew right through the intersection and hit my husband on the driver's side. He was on his way to pick Theodore up from the skating rink. The weather had been bad and we told him he should stay home but he really wanted to go with his friends. He feels responsible for his dad’s death.”

“That’s why he’s so angry.”

It was more of a statement than a question. Annie nods as she takes a deep breath and you pull your hand back.

“He thinks that if he hadn’t insisted his dad would be alive. But the truth is my husband would have caved and taken him anyway. He couldn’t see those kids sad at all, spoiled them rotten.”

“We’re so sorry about your loss. This last year must have been difficult.”

“Yeah, losing my Danny, telling the kids the truth and then moving here. Away from all of their friends and family. It’s why I’m glad they found you. Although I wish you would have been in their lives sooner but I never got any sort of response from either of you so I was afraid of what could have happened.”

Her statement takes you by surprise. From your understanding it was a closed adoption. There was no way for you to have any type of contact with them. Annie sees the confusion on both your faces and clarifies.

“I had both of your addresses. After they turned one I started writing to both of you once a month and sending pictures of the kids. I wanted both of you to see that Teddy and Abby were being well taken care of and were loved. And maybe you would have wanted to be in their lives in some way, we could have said you were family friends or something. But when I didn’t receive a response to the birthday invitation for their fifth birthday I stopped.”

It felt like a sucker punch to the gut. All of these years when you wondered how they were doing and where they were you could have known. You looked away from Annie and focused on some building in the distance.

“We never received them.” Ransom says, the bitter tone in his voice sent a chill down your spine.

“Maybe the addresses were wrong.”

“They weren’t. You have to know,” you turn back to look at her. “That we didn’t want to give them up. We had no choice, our parents pressured us into putting them up for adoption. Now I am glad that they had you and your husband. You’ve done such a fantastic job with them.” It was your turn to give her a sad smile. “You should be very proud.”

“Thank you. I think this could be good for them. Getting to know you and all, now it’s out in the open. They were so bad at not saying anything it was kind of cute.” She smiles. “They’ve always been thick as thieves, those two.”

“We can see that. Even though Theodore seems like he doesn’t want to meet with us. He’d do anything for his sister.” Ransom adds.

The French doors that connect the balcony to the hotel room swing open. Theodore stands there with a scowl on his face.

“Will you stop talking about us as if we’re not right here?”

“Watch your tone.” Ransom snaps.

“Ransom.”

“Theodore.”

Both you and Annie called out respectively. It seems like Theodore gets his temper from Ransom. They’re both explosive and reactive when they feel like they’re backed up against a corner.

“What? It’s the truth. Why are you making decisions about us without asking us first?” Theodore defended as Abigail walked up behind him. She peeked over his shoulder and looked like she was ready to apologize for his antics.

“He doesn’t mean it.”

“You don’t have to apologize for him, Abigail. He has the right to feel the way he does.” You say softly, catching everyone off guard. Annie sends you a grateful smile. “Your mom was just asking if we were serious about staying in your lives. She’s just protecting you before we talk to you about it.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then we’ll respect your decision.”

Ransom shot you a questioning look.

“We’ll give them what we wished we had, a choice.” You tell him and he looks away before nodding. “We leave it up to you. I would love to be in your life in whatever way you’d like. I don’t expect you to call me mom or anything like that. I just want to get to know you and for you to know that I’ll be here for whatever you need.”

“Me too.” Ransom adds.

“Well I already have parents so I don’t need you in my life.”

“Theodore, what has gotten into you. I’ve raised you better than that.”

“I have a dad, I don’t need another one.” Teddy is on the verge of tears. In an act that surprised everyone, especially you, Ransom reaches out and pulls Theodore into a hug causing him to start crying. “I don’t want to forget him.”

“You won’t kid. I could never fill his shoes and we aren’t trying to replace your parents. We just want to get to know you. We’ll be here for you no matter what.”

No one said anything for a few minutes. Abigail went to hug Annie and then she came to hug you. She had tears in her own eyes as she watched her brother breakdown. Theodore eventually pulls away and moves to give you a hug.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

“It’s ok.” You move your hand up and down his back. “I just ask that you take your time and think about it. When you’re ready we’ll be here. We’ll accept whatever your choice is.”

Theodore pulls back and nods before stepping away from you.

“I think it’s best we get going.” Annie says.

“Yeah, ok. You can get our numbers from the kids. I’d like to stay in contact.”

“We’ll talk soon.”

Abigail hugs you both quickly before following Annie and Theodore out.

“That’s was a fucking rollercoaster.” Ransom says as soon as you’re alone.

“Yeah.”

“I’m getting a drink, do you want one?”

“I don’t drink.” You say as you follow him inside.

“You don’t?”

“No I don’t and you know why.”

Ransom looks over at you sitting on the couch as he pours himself some whiskey. Once he’s done he sits next to you and takes a big sip. You roll your eyes.

“You’re an ass, you know that.”

“I’ve been called worse by less important people.”

“And on that note, how are your parents?” You ask with fake interest.

“Just peachy. The spawn of satan just sold another property to some high and mighty piece of shit. And the spineless weasel is using her money to buy expensive gifts for his mistress.”

“You’re joking?” You look at him with disbelief written all over your face.

“Wish I was.”

“After that whole speech they gave us about being immoral and ruining the good name of the Thrombey family.”

“What can I say thimble? They’re not good at practicing what they preach. How are yours?”

“Alive I guess. I did my best to leave them in the past.” There is a beat of silence. “I bet he still has those letters.”

“Knowing Linda she probably burnt mine.”

“Let’s never be like our parents.” You mutter.

“If they’re the ones that set the bar on parenting we can only go up, thimble.”

“That’s the fucking truth.” You turn your head to look at him. “I’m proud of you by the way.”

It always caught Ransom off guard to hear that anyone was proud of him. In this instance he was unsure why.

“You handled the situation with Theodore better than I thought you would. Little rough start but you got there.”

You smile when you see his cheeks go pink. It was easy to make Ransom blush and it was your favorite thing to do. It reminded you of when you were younger and neither of you had really figured out what you meant to each other. Whenever you complimented him or said anything nice in general he would blush just like he is right now.

“I should get going. Fingers crossed they want to keep seeing us.” You say as you get up. Ransom follows you to the door and says his goodbyes.

“Fingers crossed.” He repeats.

This whole situation reminded Ransom why he didn’t do relationships. It was honestly killing him to have his heart exposed like that. He did his best to hold back and act as if it wasn’t that important but it was. One meeting. That’s all it took for him to be wrapped around their fingers. Waiting to find out what they wanted was going to be excruciating but he’d endure it. For them and for you. He’d do anything for you too.

“So what are you two thinking?” Annie asks as she closes the front door of their house.

Teddy just shrugs his shoulders as he looks anywhere but at her. Abby has her gaze averted and staring at the floor of the living room.

“You can tell me the truth. I promise I won’t feel bad about it.”

“I really like them. They’re nice.” Abby admits. “I’ve been texting with them a lot. Mostly Y/N. About her job, she’s a fashion designer and she gets to dress all of these celebrities.”

“Does she know you want to go into fashion too?” Annie asks as she takes a seat on the couch.

“I couldn’t tell her. I don’t want her to think I’m using her for something, but I guess it’s nice to know where I get it from.”

“You mean you don’t get your sense of fashion from me?”

Abby smiles and shakes her head.

“I’ve been begging you for a while to let me redo your wardrobe and you won’t do it.”

“And I never will because I happen to be a snappy dresser.”

“That’s the problem mom, you should be sleek and stylish not snappy.” Abby informs her.

“I’ll think about it. What about you?”

“I don’t know.” Teddy shrugged his shoulders again.

“How are you feeling after today?”

He just shrugs his shoulders. “I’m gonna go lay down for a while, I feel like I’m getting a headache.”

“Ok sweetheart. We’ll talk later.”

****

In his room Teddy pulls out his phone and dials Ransom’s number before he could change his mind.

“Hey kid. Everything ok?” Ransom asks cautiously.

“Yeah. I mean I don’t know… everything just feels messed up right now.”

“What can I do to help?”

“I don’t know.” Teddy sniffles. “I just feel responsible for them, you know. Like I have to be the man of the house. I don’t want mom to feel bad if I want to hang out with you and Y/N.”

“I don’t think she’ll feel bad, kid. She seemed happy that we got to meet. If it makes you feel better she’s more than welcome to join us any time we get together.”

“Mom is like that. She puts on a brave face and acts like everything’s alright. But when she thinks no one will know I hear her crying.” Teddy sniffles as he opens up to Ransom more. “She already lost dad. I don’t want her to think she’ll lose us too.”

“Never. We would never get in the way of your relationship with your mom. To be honest I wish I had a mom like her, she seems like one of the good ones.” Ransom confesses.

“She is. Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.” Ransom chuckles. “What is it?”

“Did you mean it? Everything you said earlier?”

“Absolutely, without a doubt.”

“Do you…” Theodore hesitates.

“Do I what?”

“Do you regret having us?”

“No.” Ransom says quickly. “Loving your mother, Y/N, and having you is the only good thing I’ve ever done. Never ever doubt that. The choice we made was in hopes of giving you something neither of us had which was a happy and loving family. And before you say anything, yes we loved each other and we love you. But we just couldn’t take care of you the way you deserved.”

“Ok.” Theodore says after a beat of silence. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, call me for whatever you need.”

“Bye Ransom.”

“Bye Theodore.”

Theodore hangs up and places his phone on his bedside table and picks up the picture he has of him in his hockey uniform. His dad proudly stands beside him. He can only hope that his dad is proud of him now and that he’s making the right choice.

Ch. 4

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[lovelytsunoda]

happiness for beginners // kyle kirkwood

summary: when her fathers death brings y/n back home to jupiter, florida, the last person she wanted to see was her highschool ex-boyfriend: kyle kirkwood, who once pushed her aside in favour of his racing career. as she tried to navigate her grief and pick up the pieces of her life, she wonders if maybe she never stopped loving kyle.

pairing: kyle kirkwood x ex-girlfriend!female reader

warnings: death of a parent, consumption of alcohol, breif mention of being cheated on (not by kyle) . second chance romance, talk of dropping out of university and past sexual activities.

it’s wasn’t supposed to end like this. he should have had another thirty years.

should have seen his eldest daughter get married, meet his grandchildren.but instead, life said ‘fuck you’ and struck her father down at the ripe age of fifty nine.

a heart attack, her mother had said over the phone when she found out. when she booked the first flight back to miami and a train ticket to jupiter. a small town filled with a lot of memories, some good, many bad.

she hated funerals, but never thought she’d be organizing one for someone she cared about this soon. the room was filled with flowers (he would have hated those, the pollen made him sneeze), a classic rock song about grief and loss playing overhead. she was dressed in all black, a call back to the dress she wore for her middle school graduation. it shouldn’t have still fit, although her boobs filled it out a lot better now.

“i need some air.” she looked at her sister shakily, mascara stains under her eyes. “tell mom where I went when she comes back this way.”

she didn't wait for her sister to say more, grabbing a can of smirnoff ice from the cooler as she left the stately country house that had been turned into a homely funeral parlour. she'd already had far too much to drink, numbing her feelings being the only thing allowing her to make it through the day.

unlike most girls her age, y/n had in incredible and loving relationship with her father. when she moved away for university, her father was always coming up with foolish reasons to go to charleston and see her. he taught her everything she knew, valuable life skills that would make sure she never needed to depend on a man if she didn't want to.

and now he was gone. he would never get to walk her down the aisle, or look at her future husband and say 'you picked a good one, kid'.

in the distance she saw a reception late comer, a bouquet of calla lilies in hand as he walked up the sprawling drive, packed to the brim with cars new and old: her father's classic car club had lead the procession, a fleet of cars from the fifties to seventies driving through jupiter at high noon, the vintage hearse in the middle of the fray.

kyle knew he shouldn't be there.

he hadn't seen y/n in five years, not since he'd fucked up so massively that he knew she was right for never wanting to speak to him again. but when lorraine y/l/n had called him mere days prior and said she didn't think her daughter was coping and could use a familiar face, he knew he couldn't just do nothing.

"kyle? what the fuck are you doing here?" the sight of her ex-boyfriend walking up the home's front steps was almost enough to sober her up, her words still coming out with a slight slur as she looked at the indycar driver. "don't you have a race to go win?"

"your mom called. thought you could use a friend."

"you're right. except all my friends hate me, and the ones who don't don't live in jupiter any more." she whined, downing another large swig of her cooler. "you shouldn't be here. not after what you did. it was prom night, kyle. you left me standing on the front step, dressed to the nines in a dress i had picked out just for you, waiting hours until my mom called your mom and found out that you had picked an indycar test over me."

pain rippled through kyle's veins at the way her voice broke. y/n hd been more than understanding about his racing career and the demands of being a modern athlete, because she had grown up with one. her younger sister was the youngest olympic swimmer in america, and she had never felt like she measured up, even after she got into usc charleston. but what he had done on prom night was unforgiveable. he just wished she had let him tell her the full story all those years ago, when she called everything off the day she packed up her dad's truck and left.

"you're drunk, y/n. how much have you had to drink today?" kyle's voice was stern, but still gentle as he tried to pry the can from his former girlfriend's hands. "i think you've had enough."

“you can’t tell me what to do, kirkwood. that can is the one thing keeping me from falling into complete and utter despair. I have nothing left, kyle!” she made a grab for the can, losing her balance and sprawling out over kyles lap.

kyle sighed, trying to help her sit up. “okay, it’s time to get you home.”

“kyle, is that you?”

“hi, lorraine.” kyle frowned as y/n got up and staggered towards the railing, promptly vomiting into the bushes. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“thank you.” lorraine smiled sadly, gently readying a hand on her daughters back. when her youngest daughter had explained that y/n had left to get some air, lorraine knew she needed to check on her. “she’s not coping, kyle. you know how close she and nick were.”

“I can hear you, and I don’t need him!” y/n spat, swatting at her moms hand. “I’m fine.”

lorraine’s voice was stern as she looked her daughter in the eye. “no you aren’t, let kyle drive you home.”

she could think of few things she wanted less than to be in a car with the man who broke her fragile, teenage heart. frankly, she’d rather drunkenly stumble through the streets of jupiter and let everybody gawk at her.

but kyle was firm with his grip as he guided her down the front steps, her legs shaky in her black pumps as he guided her towards his freakishly expensive car. she felt all the fight leave her body as kyle helped her into the passenger seat, her body noticeably falling limp.

“remind me never to drink this much again.” she whined, head slumping against the window as kyle started the car.

“it’s not like you’d listen to me anyways. get some rest, you aren’t well.”

she slept for most of the car ride, but it was an uneasy sleep, drifting in and out of memories as kyle pulled in front of the farmhouse. the driver helped her inside, guiding her out of her leather jacket and heels. she stumbled to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the bathtub before she started to heave.

kyle knelt behind her, gently pulling her hair away from her face. “it’s okay, you’re okay. let it out.”

“I can’t breathe.” she coughed out in between lurches of her stomach. “the dress is too tight.”

“it’s okay.” kyle soothed, gently undoing the zipper and peeling the fabric away from her burning skin. just the act of running his hands over her backs was conjuring memories for both of them.

memories of the last time kyle had touched her like that: their naked bodies tangled in sheets, her fingernails leaving deep divots in his shoulders, his lips on the column of her throat, hands clutching her back as she rode him.

“is this better, sweetheart?” he shook his head, trying to forget. he’d been trying to forget for five years now.

“yeah. can I have some space? some fresh clothes, maybe? my room is where it’s always been.”

kyle moved to kiss her forehead, pausing with his lips halfway to her hair. he didn’t get to do things like that anymore. he lost that right five years ago.

“yeah, I’ll be right back.”

while kyle was gone, she tried to recollect herself. the stinging scent of vomit that she tried to wash down the drain was sobering.

the fact that kyle kirkwood was in her house even more so.

she got to her feet, stumbling the the counter where she downed three capfuls of mouthwash, never feeling like it was quite enough as she rinsed her mouth and spat the spearmint liquid into the sink.

holding the front of her dress in place, she ascended the carpeted stair case, wondering what was taking kyle so long. the door to the master bedroom was closed; her mom had been sleeping in the guest room, unable to even consider sleeping in the king bed without nick.

kyle stood in the middle of her bedroom, clutching a ratty t shirt in his hands. she recognized it, of course. the mauve hurley shirt had been his.

“you’ve kept it all this time?”

“of course I did. it doesn’t smell like you any more, though. just the back of my closet.” she smiled sadly, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m sure you’re wondering why all these boxes are here. I’m coming home. temporarily.”

“I thought you loved it in carolina.” he frowned, helping her out of her dress. it was all he could do not to stare at the lacy black lingerie she wore, closing his eyes as she slipped out of the bra.

he was not an asshole, and he could definitely resist watching his ex undress.

at least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

“I moved in with someone I considered a very close friend. eventually, my boyfriend brad moved in with us. well, it turns out that my ex-friend was fucking brad. I needed to get out of the house, I was staying in a motel until mom called. and now I’m back here.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. you didn’t deserve that.” kyle frowned, pulling her in for a hug. she notched her arms under his, pressing up on her toes and allowing her head to slot between his neck and shoulder.

it was comforting and warm; familiar.

“I don’t know what to do, kyle. truth be told, I don’t even like what I’m studying any more. I want to drop out.”

“let’s talk about this in the morning. when you’re sober.” he tried to soothe her, guiding her towards the bed “get some rest.” he insisted, laying her down and pulling the blankets over her shoulders. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

the andretti driver turned to leave, stopping in his tracks when he felt her slender fingers wrap around his wrist.

“stay” she insisted, voice shaky. “I don’t want to be alone. I can’t stand it.”

kyle frowned, looking at the small body wrapped in blankets. he had never seen her this fragile before. this broken.

“of course, pretty girl. I’m not going anywhere.” he slipped out of his suit jacket and shoes, quietly sliding under the covers and pulling her into his arms, trying not to think about the fact that she was wearing his shirt and and nothing else.

don’t be a douchebag, kyle, he kept telling himself.

he allowed himself one luxury, his lips dropping down tot he crown of her head, just barely kissing her skin. a reassurance that everything would be okay.

the next morning, kyles side of the bed was empty, the lingering smell of his cologne being the only indicator that he was ever there. y/n’s head was pounding as she shakily got to her feet, grabbing clothes from the top of her laundry basket, too lazy and miserable to do much more than grab clean panties from her drawer.

kyle was in the kitchen, the smell of fresh eggs permeating the air. the smell would have been enough to set off her nausea again if there had been anything in her stomach to regurgitate. she’d always hated the smell of egg.

“why the fuck are you still here?”

“ah, that’s the y/n i remember!” kyle laughed, placing a glass on the kitchen island as she sat down. “drink. it’s good for you.”

she frowned at the green sludge in the pint glass before looking back at her ex. “like hell I will. i would rather jump off splash mountain.”

“it’ll make you feel better.”

“no it won’t. why are you so chipper? you know what, don’t answer that. I’m still mad at you.” she felt childish for pouting and refusing the hangover cure, but the fact of the matter was that her anger over the death of a past relationship was the only thing holding her together.

if she stopped being mad at kyle, she’d have to feel her feelings about her dad, and that didn’t seem like a good option.

“it’s been five years, y/n.” kyle sighed, switching off the gas stove. “why are you still holding on? you never even let me explain.”

“five years is forever, kyle. a whole goddamn lifetime. I’m not even the same person I was when we were together.”

“will you just let me explain?”

she sighed, leaning forwards and slumping against the counter, fingertips rubbing at her temples. “fine. but only because it stops me from thinking about everything.”

“i moved hell and high water to get back in time for prom, y/n. i had everything timed perfectly until the weather delayed the test. we couldn’t go on the track in the rain, so we had to wait it out. o was so certain we were going to make it, but then there was traffic on the way back to the airport. i ended up running the last three blocks just to make the plane, and then we took off late, and by the time we landed in florida i knew I was late but you’d stopped answering my calls. the next time I saw you, you told me it was over.”

“you still picked a car over me. but I was stubborn, not letting you tell me why. i should have at least let you explain yourself.” the anger slowly ebbed out of her body. she knew that holding on was only holding her back from moving on, but she’d never stopped caring about kyle and that’s why it hurt so much.

“you know I’ve followed your career since? you put on a damn good show in long beach.”

kyle froze, halfway to his seat with two plates of breakfast, button down shirt marred with wrinkles. “you watch me race?”

“i still care about you, kirkwood.” she smiled sadly, reaching for a plate. “and I figured if you’d picked racing over me, you might as well be somewhat decent at it.”

kyle laughed, settling himself at the counter. “well, it’s been a roller coaster of a season, I’ll give you that. you know, some days I regret running that test. no racing seat was worth losing you.”

“you would have regretted not doing it. i know you, kyle kirkwood.” she reached across the dining space, resting her hand in his. “we both had different things we wanted out of life and we were too naive to realize it. and my path ended up not even being the one I wanted. I’ve made my mind up. I’m dropping out of usc.”

kyle couldn’t hide his look of surprise. the hallowed institution had been all she wanted when they were teenagers. moving their lives to carolina and working around his racing and her psych degrees was all they ever talked about.

“what? but you love that place. charleston was all you ever wanted.”

she shook her head, taking a bite out of the semi-burnt toast kyle had prepared (it was all she could stomach in her current state).

“there’s nothing left for me in carolina. it turns out that I really hate my major.” she laughed, coughing slightly on a bread crumb. “getting through my undergrad was hard enough, i hesitate to even think about my masters. the whole reason I had picked a program this long was because I was scared to face the real world anyways. losing dad has put that into perspective.”

“so what are you going to do?”

“remember my plan b? the plan where I would go to trade school and get my red seal and work with my dad, then travel cross country with you during the racing season? the plan that had seemed like just wishful thinking? well, dad left me the garage.”

that plan b had been wishful thinking, something to tie her over for a year or two whole she figured her life out if she didn’t get into usc, or her safety school. and now it was reality. the entire garage and everything in it was hers now.

“i don’t know the first thing about running a business, but this feels like a sign. i want to turn it into something, kyle. a place for women, all-female mechanics. too many good women get screwed over by mechanics who think that their client is more gullible or likely to pay more because she doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her car.”

that was the y/n that kyle loved: the one with the big heart who had dreams bigger than her body. the one who would be happy with that nice quiet life as long as she could be happy with herself. the one who acted before she thought about the repercussions because she was just so excited about something.

he reached across the kitchen island, gently grabbing her shoulders. “hold your horses, pretty girl. take a load off, come to nashville with me and take a few days to think this through. don’t give up on carolina just yet. remember, you deserve to be happy. and if trade school is what you really want to do, it’s not too late to go for it.”

“it’s so hard to hate you, kyle maclean kirkwood. even when you have a stupid fucking rich boy name.” she could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes, every feeling she ever had for the man in front of her bubbling back to the surface. “why did you let me let you go?”

letting him go had been one of the biggest mistakes she ever made. maybe that’s why it took her so long to get into another relationship afterwards. she kept comparing her suitors to kyle and none of them matched up to the talented, funny, sarcastic young man she had been with before she left florida.

“because I thought that was what you wanted.”

“of course it wasn’t, dipshit. i was just too stubborn to let you back in.”

she leaned over the kitchen island, her thumb tracing kyles jaw. he was still every bit as beautiful as she remembered. older, but not necessarily wiser. and she had changed so much. she wasn’t that small town girl who worked at the auto shop over her summers or that girl who danced barefoot on the beach belting ‘sweet home alabama’ with a white claw in her hand.

but maybe she could be that carefree again.

neither wanted to make the first move. kyle wanted to break first, but he knew it was important to let y/n make up her own mind about this. he’d feel like a dick for the rest of his life if there was even the slightest possibility that he had taken advantage of her aggrieved state.

“so are you going to kiss me or what, kirkwood?”

you didn’t have to tell kyle twice. he practically dove across the island to pull her into his arms, familiar motions that they had gone through so many times before as he pressed his lips to hers. gentle but firm, just the way he knew she liked it.

she was breathless as she pulled away, a giggle in the back of her throat. “you know my dad always hoped we’d get back together. he said he’d never seen me as happy as i was when I was with you. and I think he was right. i still love you, kyle.”

“and I never stopped loving you.”

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[dontcallmecarrie]

focusing on NHDD!Justin's first life in this one. Mostly experimental because this AU was originally meant to be a character study on the making of a villain [...which got derailed almost immediately], only slightly touching on the vague echoes of his first life. But since my brain hates me, here, have one of the most out-there-probably-not-canon things for this AU yet. Also, for anyone lost about what's going on: a while ago, I did a what-if-this-canon-event-happened-in-NHDD thought exercise. To sum up: because Justin's a) technically reincarnated and b) originally from another dimension entirely, the Soul Stone basically went "you. I like you. you know what, since you have two lives, give me the one you don't even really remember and we'll be even". Which is what ended up happening in the original ending. However... what if Justin had made a different choice?

Just like in that thought exercise, heads up for some pretty heavy themes— this time revolving around the aftermath of implied Major Character Death [which, in this alternate ending, is the result of Justin choosing to sacrifice his second life instead of his first], and different types of dysfunctional families.

.

Sometimes, it felt like nothing more than a dream. An oddly long, overly detailed and sometimes confusing fever dream, sure, but the point was, Mercedes Garcia woke up.

Everyone said it was a miracle she'd survived the accident, but Mercedes couldn't shake the strange flash of orange and 'so you've decided, little outsider?' that was the last thing she remembered before she opened her eyes.

It sounded fantastical, the sort of thing that happened in movies— but then, Justin Hammer's entire life seemed to have been a strange mix of Gossip Girl and comic books.

But this was the real world, where Mercedes had missed her own graduation, and now had her own astronomical hospital bills on top of rent and student loans to worry about. Not to mention her incredibly freaked out parents, who hadn't been exactly happy about her choice of college to begin with, and were now even more freaked out over the fact that she'd be moving to the on the other side of the state for it.

As if it were any different to how it'd been before the accident, when she'd been lucky to see her both parents for more than three hours a week between school, her part-time job, and helping care for Abel. The cynical part of her that she hadn't thought even existed before the accident muttered darkly about free babysitters, but she knew they cared about her. Even if they'd never really had the opportunity to show it, not when her baby brother needed everything they could give— but she had never doubted they cared about her.

It's just... Mercedes needed the distance. Like, sure, she could've gone with community college and taken things from there— but even since before the accident she'd been itching to get out. Sure, tiny shoebox apartment to tiny shoebox dorm wasn't much of a difference, but at least she got the chance to be normal for the first time since Abel had been diagnosed.

So she went to college, like almost everyone her age, and called home during the weekends, and let herself fall into the rhythm of classes and finding another part-time job and trying not to think too hard about the occasional flashes of deja vu she'd been having the entire time.

College was much easier than high school had been, and Mercedes wasn't sure how much of it was practice being on her own versus the lingering remnants of that weird dream. It made her head hurt if she tried to think about it too much— because if it hadn't just been a coma dream, then what was it?

And if she cracked open Pandora's Box, the questions would never stop. About why it'd been much easier to interact with her classmates now than back in high school, or why economics felt so intuitive. The specifics of some of the study habits she'd picked up seemingly overnight, why her patience seemed to have dried up since the accident, or, hell, how a girl who'd only ever shopped at thrift stores was able to blend in with the trust fund kids on campus. Why it'd suddenly become so easy to say no, after a lifetime of bending over backwards saying yes.

So Mercedes tried not to dwell on it. She took things one day at a time, a week at a time, called her family, and tried not to be exasperated when her roommate moved out partway through the year to live with her boyfriend.

And then things started to get really weird.

The first time it happened, she was at work. A tall, heavily muscled and tattooed man wandered into the cafe constantly checking his phone. Which shouldn't have been anything out of the usual, but he also kept looking around. A lot. She'd assumed he had planned on meeting someone, but his increased desperation as the cafe entered its rush hour told her he'd been stood up. Before she could ask if he needed help, however, he swept away without a backwards glance.

The second time, Mercedes had finished her last class of the day. A very tall cosplayer with an eye-catching leather jacket swept into the biggest lecture hall on campus just as she was heading out, and she had to swerve to avoid bumping into him because he refused to look away from his phone. Which, rude, but he was probably a new transfer for the computer science class that was scheduled to start in a few minutes so she didn't think much of it.

Not long after that, she saw a stranger during her usual grocery run. Which normally wasn't very notable, but he had the most memorable prosthetic she'd ever seen, and stared at her when she asked if he needed help. In her defense, he'd looked lost and one of her first jobs had been restocking shelves, so it really was just habit to ask!

"No, I'm...looking for someone." He finally answered with a slightly raspy voice, and she gave him a polite smile.

"Oh. Good luck, then." She said lamely, and speed-walked to the nearest self-checkout because the sooner she could forget about the embarrassment of her customer service autopilot kicking in, the better. Abel would never, ever let her live it down if he got wind of it.

The last time... was when Mercedes wondered if the stress of finals week had maybe gotten to her after all, because hallucinating portals in her bedroom was new. And that was before multiple people tumbled out of it, ruining her freshly-washed sheets in the process.

.

aaaand you can see where I ran out of steam for this.

tl;dr: Cabal, upon discovering Justin chose to sacrifice his life to obtain the Soul Stone, collectively went "fuck that, we're getting him back" and promptly set to tracking down where his soul went off to. Are they confused as to why all the sensors/Soul Stone keeps pointing them to some random universe where there's no magic or superheroes or aliens? Yes, but that's not about to stop them. [You decide if they chose to save their world before tracking Justin down, or if they ditched their universe entirely because what was the point of saving it if it didn't have Justin in it?]

There's going to be a lot of confusion at first, as Mercedes Garcia is most definitely not Justin Hammer, but I figure Cabal'd cotton on pretty quick as to what happened. And then, things get pretty dicey because there's multiple emotional bombshells to navigate, some less fun than others.

Some ideas for how it'd go from here:

Option 1: Cabal in Mercedes' World

Very introspective, with multiple emotional bombshells going on back-to-back, basically:

The "you're not our friend" realization, wherein Cabal looks at the twenty-something college student who apparently has their friend's soul but looks at them with no recognition whatsoever. This is the point where most people would leave her alone, but... we're talking about a hyperaggressive and overpowered friend group with dubious morals. So, for the sake of this thought exercise, Cabal ends up [re-]befriending Mercedes. Which leads to:

The "you're not the person who was the heart and soul of our group [but oh god I can definitely see the resemblance]" bombshell, feat. Cabal discovering just how much of tire fire Justin Hammer's mental state was, specifically because Mercedes is visibly much, much happier than he ever was. Which, as it turns out, is a very low bar, as Mercedes is a hot mess who spent the vast majority of her short life going "can't complain, my family is going through a Very Hard Time right now without me making it worse. but really, I'm Fine :)" but she definitely loves said family, and she's so optimistic it's painful to watch.

Sure, some of it could be chalked up to the fact that she's much younger than the Justin they knew, but... still that habit of always trying to help people. Of being an older sibling, a chronic mom friend, and always asking if they're hungry and offering what little a broke college student can afford.

Interspersed in this is the "you chose to abandon us/did we ever really know you?" emotional SNAFU, because there's bound to be grief and resentment over the fact that, well, a dear friend chose death over sacrificing a past life who, tbh, nobody in Cabal would've really missed in the long run. Like, by this point they know Justin was a reincarnated soul, but 1) they found this out via the Soul Stone going "hey idk what to tell you, they're the one who chose this life over the other one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ don't take it up with me", and 2) this means that, on some level, Justin chose an honestly not-great life over his friends.

On a funnier note: the "...so, now what?" moment, because, well, Cabal is not about to lose their friend again.

And here's where things get entertaining in a hurry because at some point, they're going to suggest everyone moving in together. Hey, it's practically tradition by now, Justin was the one who started it with all his safehouses! Besides, it's only logical to share space with someone you trust, more efficient and cost-effective. Only, well, Mercedes' parents are going to [understandably] freak out over the idea of their twenty-something daughter moving in with four rich men who showed up out of nowhere and are apparently asking to have her live with them rent-free. That all of said guys seem to be like twice her age does not help, and all of them are Very Very Dangerous. Ivan especially looks like a parent's worst nightmare, but none of them are the type of guy you'd want to meet in a dark alley, so...

Slightly Fun Moment Two: Tony Stark shows up sometime during this mess. Cue fireworks.

Option 2: The 'It Was All Inside Your Head' Ending

Wherein it turns out that Mercedes' life after waking up was a Soul Stone-induced dream, because it wanted Justin to know, acutely, what exactly they're giving up if they were to pick their first life. Only, Cabal barges into Justin's dreamscape to tell him he's in a coma, please wake up, and now he has to choose which life to return to.

It would be a hard choice, because with Mercedes' memories so fresh in his mind, there's honestly not much going for Justin Hammer's life other than Cabal and Tony. There's no amount of money that could possibly make up for losing the family who cared about her, for instance, and the constant threat of alien invasions and whatnot isn't exactly a selling point. On the other hand, Justin's imposter syndrome is on a scale comparable only to Tony's genius, so... not a fun conversation for anyone involved.

[arayamahidol]

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i hadn't rped since 2017 and during the pandemic around dec 2020/jan 2021 i was sooooo bored since all my work turned remote so i went through the "royal rp" tag and hshq was the only rp other than like one other in the tag at the time. i don't remember any specific plotlines, i just remember being thrown into the nye event on the yacht or something? and that's when hijacking was first introduced iirc. and now i'm trying to buy a house and that makes me want to vomit!

which characters have you written over the years ?

haera, san, io, araya, meixu, okeyo and inna

what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think meixu's life in general. i thought she would have found someone and gotten the family she wanted and the happy ending ( w a few struggles ofc ) but she ended up alone and more jaded about life! something more comedic would probably be when araya and ireti got tattoos during the monaco event and she thought her tattoo said ja rule instead of jaurel. and def lawnchair gate.

what about other people's plotlines ?

when matilde pushed arnauld into the pool. the english plotline was supes fun to watch unfold.

who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

meixu because she's the most different from me personally. she deserved the most and the best, but always ate shit asjfhsadkf araya was the easiest to write. she had some good one liners. going to miss my flat assed baddie ♡

if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

lawn chair or the lunch thread with the solets. evy, kit and i were in shambles about it. we still bring it up every now and then and idk why it's still just as funny to us as it was back then.

is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i don't think so

what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

probably meixu, she feels the most incomplete. i wish i could have wrote more on how jianguo's death affected her and how that changed her relationships. the other one would be auraya since i honestly did not think they'd last, but here they are, still sharing a single brain cell ♡ if the africa plot actually took off, that would have been fun.

what is your favourite ooc memory ?

when e and i were writing lawnchair gate, giggling nonstop beside each other. we tasked ourselves to a challenge where if i wrote a two word reply, she'd have to write a three word reply, and then my next reply would have to be four words ( you get the idea ). we would count how many words the other person wrote because we'd lose track and then mess up and have to count again. whenever there would be a red carpet event like the oscars or during fashion week, j and i would always play this game of who in hshq would wear it. it was fun. when kit and i spent an entire night trying to pronounce all the characters names and we'd attempt it at first and play the actual pronunciation after and die about how inaccurate we were. and ofc, throwing tomatoes at jo in the disc chat ♡

where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

discord, but i'll probably not be that responsive sdfhsdf i'm not that great with keeping in touch with people 😭

what else would you like to say ?

i know i joined a bit later and haven't made as big of an impact as others, but i honestly thought i would last two weeks and end up becoming inactive because established groups are intimidating! i'm glad i gave it a chance, i met some really good friends on here that are beyond just "rp friends"! this feels like a high school graduation since this will be the last time we all see each other on the dash like this and it's very bittersweet! hshq was a great distraction for me during the pandemic and i feel honoured to have wrote alongside you all and i'm happy i was able to make so many gifs of so many different faceclaims. loved seeing you all use them.

[ismahanescorner]

Fourth Wing | Book Review

Author: Rebecca Yarros

Series: The Empyrean (Book #1)

Genre: NA Fantasy, Romantasy

Publisher: Entangled Publishing  

Release Date: 02/05/2023

Rating: 4/5 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Synopsis:

Twenty-year-old Violet Sorrengail was supposed to enter the Scribe Quadrant, living a quiet life among books and history. Now, the commanding general—also known as her tough-as-talons mother—has ordered Violet to join the hundreds of candidates striving to become the elite of Navarre: dragon riders. But when you’re smaller than everyone else and your body is brittle, death is only a heartbeat away...because dragons don’t bond to “fragile” humans. They incinerate them. With fewer dragons willing to bond than cadets, most would kill Violet to better their own chances of success. The rest would kill her just for being her mother’s daughter—like Xaden Riorson, the most powerful and ruthless wingleader in the Riders Quadrant. She’ll need every edge her wits can give her just to see the next sunrise. Yet, with every day that passes, the war outside grows more deadly, the kingdom's protective wards are failing, and the death toll continues to rise. Even worse, Violet begins to suspect leadership is hiding a terrible secret.

Friends, enemies, lovers. Everyone at Basgiath War College has an agenda—because once you enter, there are only two ways out: graduate or die.

Review:

alright! let’s get this review done with!

is the novel a clichés minefield? yes! if you go on google and search “chosen one” archetype tropes; you’ll get list responses with all the characteristics associated with that archetype and you’ll realize that the author probably printed one of them and went to town with green marker checking all them off!

mc comes from prestigious family that makes them popular/puts a target on their back? ✅

mc gets in to school against all odds? ✅

mc has cool sidekicks that help them persevere against instant rivals? ✅

mc has a badass animal companion? ✅✅ (yes, this bitch got two dragons!)

mc unlocks/possess a long forgotten (but coveted) powers? ✅

is it worth the hype? kinda, it depends on you, your taste, and your mood! i personally think that most “hyped” books aren’t worth it; but some are definitely entertaining!

is it entertaining? YES!!! (TO ME!!) i am currently going through a rough depressive episode and this book actually provided me with a much needed reprieve from my own thoughts. and now i got a new dragon world and lore to add to my maladaptive daydream catalogue for future scenarios!! 😌😁

in all seriousness, i really enjoyed the lore and the creation myth behind this world. i especially liked that the info-dumping of these tidbits was done through the chapter header quotations or violet rattling off to de-stress! also i’m not a big fan of flower-y fancy adult “high fantasy” language, it usually leaves me confused and wandering so i quite liked the simple, straightforward language and writing style the author chose to use.

i wish there was much to talk about plot-wise but as i pointed out above, the entire novel is literally just one “chosen one” trope after the other. thus, if you’re a big fantasy reader you’ll predict every twist and turn chapters ahead. but again, this didn’t hinder me from enjoying the story.

as for the characters; most of them were very one-dimensional and very caricature-y. i hope the hype doesn’t go into the author’s head and she works on fleshing them out in the next books. for instance, i would love a deeper exploration of the complex mother-daughter (children in fact) relationship between the general and violet. also as person who lives with chronic pain i’d be happy to see a layered exposition of how violet reconciles her “fragile” body with her new position as a dragon rider. also i hope that in the next books rhianonn is more than the black (poc) best friend who furthers the mc’s arc, and ridoc is more than just the class clown with a heart of gold; and i hope xaden gets a personality beyond a hot body, a charming smirk, and smoke (shadow) works!

overall, the story lacks much substance when it comes to plot and characters (hopefully that will change going forward) but still the lore and myths, as well as the action are compelling enough and very entertaining!

nb: i listened to the audiobook while reading this novel, and i must note that the first 15 chapters or so were disturbing to listen to as it was obvious that the narrator was battening a cold/flu and her breath intakes and stops were triggered my sensory issues! beyond that the narration was quite good at the end and the narrator played out those scenes very well.

ps: can the author please provide an e-version of the continent’s map like she did for the school!!! I need it!!

[docolives]

TASK #11 WRITE A LETTER

triggering / sensitive content: child death, death, medical/hospital reference.

Hey little girl,

I think about you often. Sometimes when I'm helping one of the kids at the program, they'll have your eyes, or that bright, bubbly laugh, and I wonder what you would have been like if you had been able to see your life through, given the chance that you deserved. Or sometimes there will be a kid at the park, running from the swing to the sliding board, excited to just have the chance to be outside, to enjoy the fresh air, and I remember all of the times that we visited the park together. Even sitting on my back porch, watching the waves, I remember making sandcastles with you, and the way ours always turned out better than your father's.

But I don't think of you when I'm at the hospital, dropping off paperwork, or have to stop in to check on a patient and see a father, holding onto a tiny hand. You were more powerful than those moments, stronger than what happened to you.

I talked to your father the other day. Texted him 'happy birthday,' and he replied with a photo of himself, his wife, and your siblings. The ones you remembered, and new ones -- you would have loved them! I can't believe how big your siblings are! High school students, can you imagine that? One just graduated! It makes me feel old, which happens more and more these days. And your dad, he has gray hair now. But he looks good. He's very happy, but there's that sadness to his voice when he talks about you girls. We've stayed friends since we ended our relationship. At first, I thought that it would be strange, staying in touch on a friendly level with someone you had been looking at diamond rings with, but then I realized, the more time that passed, that we had never really been meant to be. I did love your dad, and I loved you kids, but there was too much between us; too many years of difference in interests, in growth. Maybe we would have been happy. But maybe not.

And I am happy now. It took me a very, very long time to be able to say that. After we lost you, after we broke up, I switched careers, studied hard, and moved back home. Became a physical therapist, fell in love with a man, got married. Got divorced, granted, but I still gave my heart away, which was brave. I adopted a cat and got involved in therapeutic riding, and I'm happy.

But I wanted to let you know that I've never forgotten you. I don't really talk about San Francisco a lot -- and I never know how to tell someone about you, about the little girl who wasn't mine, but loved me, and how I loved her right back. Or how to explain the bond we had, me, you, your sisters... how I loved your father, despite the fact that we were so different. How vastly different my life might have been, had I stuck it out in San Francisco, had we not lost you. For as happy as I am now, I would trade it all in a heart beat if it meant giving you even one moment more to build sandcastles on the beach.

I named my cat Mallow; short for Marshmallow. I named her after that stuffed cat that I bought you when you went into the hospital, the one that you slept with every night. Your father tells me he keeps it in his bedroom, on top of his dresser. And now I keep the memory with me, with every snuggle. I keep you with me. Thank you for teaching me about love at such a vulnerable time in my life, little girl. I will give that love back to every life I touch.

xo Livvy

[lavendcrhcze]

if you’re hearing THE KISS OF VENUS by DOMINIC FIKE & PAUL MCCARTNEY playing, you have to know CILLIAN MAE (HE/HIM; CISMAN) is nearby! the 27 year old has been in denver for, like, THIRTEEN YEARS. they’re known to be quite ALOOF, but being INTROSPECTIVE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble LUCIEN LAVISCOUNT. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those SMUDGED GRAPHITE ON FINGERS, QUIET OBSERVATIONS IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM, OLD BLACK AND WHITE MOVIES vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ART DISTRICT long enough!

trigger warnings: car accident, parental death

cillian had never had a bad early childhood. in fact, by all accounts, he’d had a fairly good one from what he could remember. from the few pictures he still owned of his parents, it looked like they loved him and cared for him. until the accident, everything had been fine. 

( tw car accident and death ) he was five years old when they were involved in the car accident which instantly killed his parents and left him unconscious in hospital for weeks. they called his survival a miracle but cillian didn’t feel like it was much of one when he was alone in an unfamiliar place, being told that his parents were gone forever.

he had no other family -- his parents had no siblings and his grandparents were already gone so at five years old, he became just another kid in the system. 

cillian had always been a quiet and shy kid so the first few years in care were difficult for him. the other kids were stronger and louder and he was often picked on by them because he couldn’t stand up for himself. but the older he got, the more resilient he became and he got better at hiding but also better at throwing punches and getting into brawls.

the older he got, the more he lost hope that anyone would ever want him. other kids came and went but cillian was always overlooked by the parents looking to adopt and foster. then one day when he was thirteen, a couple came along and they wanted him.

it didn’t seem real at first and for weeks, cillian tiptoed around, worried that if he did something wrong then they’d send him back. but they never did. the couple cared about him and the other kids they’d adopted liked him too and he found himself fitting in the family as his confidence grew.

the day they adopted him still felt like a dream but it was the day that cillian finally realised he had a real home and a new family who loved him unconditionally. 

they encouraged him to explore his interests and cillian found that art was something he loved and something he was actually GOOD at. he enjoyed it as a kid but he could never do anything in care because his drawings would get ruined by other kids or the pencils and pens were always broken 

he enrolled in art school after graduating from high school where he thrived and came more out of his shell. he was still quiet and shy but he had real friends and people who had the same interests as him 

at the moment he currently works in the local art gallery and he’s pretty happy. he moved out of his home and rented an apartment in the art district where he currently lives with his cat banksy. 

[casspurrjoybell-32]

A First Chance At Love - Chapter 3a

*Warning Adult Content*

Caleb Carmichael

He won't look at me.

I don't understand what the hell I did but I'm not one to give up.

I have made Avery my current target and I'm going to get what I want... I always do.

I was walking down the halls of Portland high.

I hate this damn school so much.

I felt like I was in a sea of ignorance as I watched the glares and hateful looks that they spared at Liam and Aiden... thought they were to fucking scared of Avery and Liam to do anything about it.

It just caused me to snicker as they showed there true colors when their backs were turned.

I haven't really made it now that I was gay but it's not like I'm hiding it either.

And if they were to ever find out then they can kiss my gay happy wolfish tail.

Huffing at the sudden anger I walked into history class I had with Robin.

Taking my seat next to her she nodded her head in greeting and I did the same.

I was so happy for her that she found her mate and a bit envious that she found herself a women to love being that she was a lesbian.

Lucky... I dreaded ever meeting my mate because I knew that I wouldn't be so lucky... I never was.

The school knew that Robin was gay also and I did my best at fending them off... she was my sister 'YOU DO NOT' talk shit about her unless you have a damn death wish.

Casually I looked around the class at the asshole students here.

I can't wait for graduation... school was never my strong suit.

"Did you see them? They were making out in the hallway. It was so disgusting," I heard some girl whispering with another.

Slyly I peered in their direction... to see some blonde bimbo with a brunette bimbo.

"I know... I saw them kissing on the football field," the brunette said.

"It's so not fair that Liam doesn't swing our way," the blonde pouted and I rolled my eyes.

Dude get over it... I felt like yelling.

It's been four months and they still can't get over it.

"So Sadie and I are going on a date tonight and I'm so excited," Robin said making me focus on her.

Her face was bright with excitement and her eyes glistening with love.

I felt the little green monster coming out but sighed it away.

"You and Sadie go on a date every week Robin. It's nothing new," I muttered looking down at my desk and started to carve random things in the wood with my fingernail.

"And it's perfect every time," she exclaimed.

'Oh God. Here were go.'

"Uh huh," I tried to make my tone uncaring as she stared rambling on and on about how wonderful her mate was blah, blah, blah.

"Stop," she swatted my hand way from the desk.

I glared at her.

"You are going to get caught. How are you going to explain that you can carve deep ass picture in wood with a fingernail?" she reprimanded me and I just shrugged.

"I drink a lot of milk?"

Rolling her eyes she faced forward leaning her chin on the palm of her hand.

Right then the teacher came in.

"Morning class," Mrs. Peterman greeted us with a huge smile.

There were a few mumbles but that was about it.

It you were to ask me this teacher was WAY too cheery.

"Well... let's get the class started," she told us grinning like a fool.

And here is my time to zone out.

The class went on... BORRRRRRING... the only thing I heard was the bell at the end.

I jumped from my seat and ran towards the door for freedom.

"Caleb wait," Robin called.

Sighing, I skidded to a stop as she walked up to me and hooked our arms together.

"So... Are you going out tonight?" she asked me.

Scoffing I smirked at her.

"Well duh."

She shook her head.

"Come on Caleb, there's more to life than clubbing and partying."

I rose and arrogant brow.

"Like what, dear sister?"

Pushing me she continued.

"Like... finding your mate... helping around our new pack-house."

I scrunched up my nose.

"I don't see the more to life in that I just see too much work so... I think I'll stick with my awesome life of clubs and parties."

"You know what? Whatever," she said pulling her arm out of mine and walking off dramatically.

Oh Robin, Robin, Robin.

I walked out to the football field know that Liam and Aiden would be out there meaning that Avery would be to.

It was spring so football season was over but Liam and Aiden loved to sit on the bleachers.

Pushing the double doors open to the back of the school I walked out to the field and like I said there they were cuddled up together on the top bleacher but what I was really looking for was Avery.

My eyes scanned the around to see him leaning against at the bottom of the metal bleachers giving out alpha there time alone.

Avery must have heard me coming because he looked up with his usual grim expression when I was around.

"Hey," I greeted stopping in front of him.

He didn't say anything just sighed heavily.

This man is a God... he was built like a freaking house... muscles were straining in his tight grey shirt and he towered over me at his 6'2 where I was only 5'9.

His skin was tan and his hair was cut short and it was this beautiful blondish brown.

His eyes were a gorgeous deep brown kind of reminded me of puppy dog eyes.

I noticed the tick in his jaw as he glared at me.

I cocked a brow at him he's not very happy to see me is he.

"No hello?" I taunted.

"Bye Caleb," he said looking over my head ignoring me.

I huffed... well that won't do will it.

I stepped closer running my fingers up his defined chest that could make a straight guy drool.

He snatched at my hand tightly.

"Go away," he growled through gritted teeth.

I smiled, molding my body against his harder one.

I looked under my lashes turning on the charm.

"I really get under that skin of yours don't I?" I husked wrapping my free arm around his neck my fingers tangling in his soft hair.

"I swear Caleb, if you don't leave me the hell alone," he threatened.

Chuckling I buried my face in his neck... his pine and sandalwood sent assaulted my sense.

He did smell good.

"What are you going to do, handsome," I purred in his ear.

I felt his body shiver against mine and I smiled triumphantly.

There was no way he could be able to resist me for long.

"If you don't get off me right now, I'm going to break you God-damn hand," he ground out through clenched teeth.

His hand tightened on my wrist squeezing it painfully.

Wincing I pulled away from him yanking my hand from his and glaring at him.

"Well... that wasn't very nice," I pouted cradling my throbbing hand to my chest.

Rolling his eyes he turned to Liam and Aiden but they were too busy lip locking.

I saw some kind of pain flash in Avery's brown eyes before it was gone not even a second later.

I bit my lip in understanding... he could never have that.

He would never have a mate to fawn over.

I still didn't understand the whole situation with him and Aiden but I knew there were no romantic feelings involved.

"So... how long do you plan on waiting for Mr. and Mrs?" I asked.

"As long as they need me," his tone was clipped and annoyed.

His eyes void of all emotions as he averted them form me.

I know when I'm not wanted.

Shrugging I turned without a word and headed to the front of the school.

Levi stood by his car as he waited for me.

I met him at the pack-house and we hit it off... as friends of course.

He was totally cool with me being gay... plus he was bi.

I think he was like the only one in that house who actually had variety in his intimate encounters.

I was hella-happy that I found him out of the hundreds of pack members.

"Caleb," he greeted me with a head nod.

Smiling I walked up to him.

"What's up man," I said leaning against his car.

He shook his head with a gorgeous smile on his face.

His long light brown hair was gelled up loosely to the side.

He was beyond beautiful... he wasn't buff or anything but he had a decent muscle amount of mass.

If I wasn't trying to pursue Avery, I would have snatched this piece if eye candy up a long ass time ago.

"Checking me out again?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I smirked stepping up close and personal.

"You know it," I husked.

He smiled pushing me away.

"Dude... your hood is so huge... you could have sex on this thing," I commented.

I turned my head to see him grinning like a fool.

"You already did, didn't you?"

He kept his eyes on the road as he pulled out of the school parking lot but I saw him lick his smirking lips.

I chuckled staring out the window.

The town was quickly passing us by, shops and restaurants were practically a blur.

The green of the trees were in view now and I couldn't stop thinking about the time when I use to dread them.

I hated it because I could never go out and run or else I would have put Robin and myself in danger.

We've been on the run for far to long that it was weird being in the same location for this long. I studied the woods as we zoomed by.

There hasn't been one rouge and I was glad.

I know that they were only after us because of Zack but I still got shivers from thinking of their red eyes as they stare at you ready to rip you apart.

I closed my eyes as I suppress the quivers in my body of the thought.

[whereareroo]

FUN OR FLOP



WF THOUGHTS (7/29/23).

If you want to squeeze every drop of fun out of life, you have to take some chances. Fun isn’t going to fall into your lap if you just hang around your house and stick to your regular routines.

On our recent trip to Spain, I was near a harbor and bumped into a memorial plaque for a guy who died in a boating accident. The inscription said: “A boat is always safe in a harbor, but that’s not what boating is all about.”

The fact that the guy died is proof that all attempts to have fun do not have a happy ending. Thankfully, the flops do not usually result in death. Unfortunately, flops are part of the “fun seeking” process. I think it’s smart to tolerate the inevitable flops and seek fun anyway. Is that your approach to life? If not, why not?

I’m writing this on Saturday afternoon, and I’m broadcasting to you from Long Island. I’m back in my old home town because an opportunity for fun has presented itself. The odds of actual fun are small, but I’m giving it a shot anyway. Why not? Let me give you the story.

A few days before I left for the Spain trip, I got an unusual phone call from a guy. I hadn’t spoken to the guy in 50 years. Let’s call him “EddieO,” which is what we all called him 50 years ago.

EddieO was always a smooth operator, and he hasn’t lost his touch. He immediately assured me that he wasn’t calling for money. He announced that we had just celebrated the 50th anniversary of our graduation from 8th grade, a fact that I was aware of because the date coincides with my youngest sister’s birthday, and that there was a reunion tonight at a local bar. My mind started to spin.

As background, I need to tell you that things were different 50 years ago. Our Catholic School started with first grade and finished with eighth grade. Most of us were together for all eight years. After eighth grade, kids scattered to different schools and tended to lose touch with the original group. I was one of the few kids (I think there were only 3 of us) that transitioned to public school. I lost touch with everybody soon after our graduation.

Anyway, let’s get back to the call from EddieO.

My immediate reaction was to say “NO.” Fifteen or twenty years ago, I went to a high school reunion with Mrs. Highschoolsweetheart. It was a flop.

I didn’t want to say “NO” right away because EddieO sounded so excited and he had put in so much time into organizing the event. Instead, I said “maybe.” And, I told EddieO that I was a “very soft” maybe. I explained that I would still be recovering from Spain and that I’d have to travel from South Carolina.

In a blog post to y’all last week, I discussed the wisdom of rejecting your gut instinct when evaluating a problem. Well, I took my own advice. Within a few days of his call, I contacted EddieO to say that I would be attending. Why not? Even though the odds are low, it’s an opportunity for fun. All sorts of weird things could happen when you meet with a group that you haven’t seen in 5O years.

So, will it be a fun night or a flop? I’ll know tonight, and you’ll know tomorrow. Either way, I have no regrets about making the trip. I’m going to keep seeking fun even if I experience an occasional backfire. I hope that you’re having fun today, and I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow.

[eli-i-23porfolio]

High School Timeline

Here is the timeline of the most significant things that happened in my four years in High School. I chose a song to represent every event, not because the meaning of the song matches the event but because it was my favorite song during hat time. So excuse some of the cringy music, I was 14!

El - Freshman year - 2019-2020

- Scared to start high school in a different area, missing all my friends while they went to another high school together 

Getting It On - Sales 

- Dealt with social anxiety and had trouble making friends for two months

Crashing Into You - Vance Joy

- Finally bult up the courage and joined a group of Juniors who were extremely nice and welcoming 

Ms - alt-j

- Just when I was starting to make new friends COVID hit

Alone - Lund

- Directionless in terms of life 

The Devil’s Tears - Angus & Julia Stone

Elif - Sophmore Year - 2020-2021

- Dealt with intense amounts of social anxiety and outbursts

Down By The River - Milky Chance

- Lost almost all of my friends from middle school because of quarantine and turned to online communities and books, tv shows, and video games 

Through The Cellar Door - Lanterns on the Lake

- Still directionless, couldn’t stick with a hobby or skill for more than a few months

Death With Dignity - Sufjan Stevens 

- Applying to UC Berkeley embARC summer program about environmental design and architecture and getting in

Reflections - The Neighborhood 

- Having a blast and making friends and learning so much through online classes that summer 

Freaks - Surf Curse

Eli - Junior Year - 2021-2022

- Went into this year full of hope and determined to make new friends and focus on college

Closure - Trevor Daniel

- Gathered up the courage to join a friend group that I didn’t know anybody in and a club at school

Middle of Somewhere - The Neighborhood

- Made good friends with them and finally enjoyed going to school

Afterglow - The Driver Era

- Shaving my head

U&ME - alt-j

- Dealt with self-perception issues 

What Once Was - Her’s

- Got my first job and earning money, was more independent and finally got over my social anxiety

Just - Radiohead

- Met new people through old friends

Let It Happen - Tame Impala

- Started to learn how to play the bass for the first time

From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys

- Being more sure of myself and making plans for college and applications

Helmet - Steve Lacy

Eli - Senior Year - 2022-2023

- Took another architecture program at California College of Arts in San Francisco and had a great summer 

Why Are Sundays So Depressing - The Strokes

- Started the year with a whole new group of friends I genuinely enjoy being with and got in my first relationship. Had a lot of plans about school and college applications

Growing/Dying - The Backseat Lovers

- Suddenly had to deal with heavy depression and a loss of motivation

Reckoner - Radiohead

- Feeling like I wasted all four years of high school and I was never happy

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

- Flunked out and had to make up credits outside of school and had to quit my job

Entombed - Deftones 

- Messed up my college applications which made my depression even worse

Pictures of You - The Cure

- Dealt with suicidal and self destructive thoughts

Life Worth Missing - Car Seat Headrest

- When I came back to my high school I gave up on everything but I knew I had to try to graduate

No Hard Feelings - Wolf Alice

- Was a camp leader at YMCA Camp Campbell for a week and it was the best week of my entire senior year

Pines - Men I Trust

- Lost most of my friends because they did things that really hurt me

Chateau (Feel Alright) - Djo

- Only had my boyfriend and a few friends to support me 

Lovers Rock - TV Girl

- Finally got a new job and tried harder at school and joined a band 

Grounded - Pavement

- Feel like a completely changed person from when you started high school

4AM - Bastille 

At the end I genuinely feel like my junior and senior year were the years that changed me the most and made me who I am today but without freshman and sophmore year I wouldn’t have made that transition and come to this place. The name that people called me during that time represent that as well.