#when i did my dna tests i found a lot of distant family with the surname reche which isn't that common

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

PERHAPS I CRIED

[caracarahoney]

H.I.V.E. Birthday Bundle 2024:

With the best worst father with too many names, Cypher!

(And the color gold.) Buckle up folks, it's a long one!

Playlist- Not Afraid (You Should Be)

The Lab Era Mad IQs- I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME GUY.exe- Superfruit On The Run E.V.O.L.- Marina and the Diamonds Pork Soda- Glass Animals Lent- Autoheart Paranoia in B Major- The Avett Brothers Family Man Clusterhug- I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME C Sections And Railway Trestles- The Avett Brothers The Loss Paper Scars- Lovedrug Black Light- My Epic Cypher Is Born So Called Life- Three Days Grace Look Away- The Dear Hunter Me Against You- Three Days Grace Rumors- NEFFEX The Siege Absinthe- I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME Yin Yang- USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker) NFWMB- Hozier All Alone Leopard- Jack Stauber Paul Newman vs. The Demons- The Avett Brothers Gone Rogue P.O.L.I.T.I.C.S.- MISSIO Wolf In Sheep's Clothing- Set It Off Bleeding White- The Avett Brothers Gone Forest Whitaker- Bad Books, etc.

Art:

I got a rabbit as my animal, which honestly fits- lots of cool symbolism there. Something, something, snares and escaping and prey animal vs predators, etc. I honestly think this man is motivated more by fear than he lets on. Fic: A Temporary Alliance (A negotiation leads to an effective, if begrudging partnership between Cypher, three girls… and a pilot in deep over his head.) Headcanons:

Extremely paranoid ever since he began working in the villain industry, and this only became exacerbated after Xiu Mei’s death. Also misanthropic and believed most people are more bad than good, though he recognized a few exceptions like his family.

Instead of a plain oval of glass, his mask was a modified helmet resembling a motorcyclist’s. Alongside gloves, it allowed him to cover every inch of skin to prevent anyone getting hair or fingerprints for DNA testing.

Had long hair ever since he entered G.L.O.V.E., as he became paranoid that someone would assassinate him while cutting it. As Wu Zhang, he cut it himself and kept it up in a high ponytail (when down, it was a little past his shoulders). After losing Xiu Mei, he didn’t keep up with caring for it as often and let it grow a few inches longer, tucking it into his helmet as Cypher and tying it up otherwise.

Wore his mask anytime he was around others during his Cypher era, including his own henchmen. If he ever needed to sleep– such as on long flights– he would sleep with it on and hold a gun the whole time.

Based his Cypher look on some of the Power Rangers-esque shows Wing would watch as a child; he would watch them with him sometimes as a form of easy bonding time.

Adored Darkdoom’s exploits and would tell Wing bedtime stories about him; took inspiration for the Kraken from Darkdoom’s vehicles.

Despised Xiu Mei at first after the Overlord incident, but acknowledged they were stuck together. Their escape from China was full of violence, running from enemies, assassination attempts, and the usual actiony antics. This is when they first learned to appreciate each other as they both saved each other a few times. 

As a husband, Mao was less physically affectionate. He showed love through gift giving, usually by making Xiu Mei small robots or trinkets or buying her nice things. He was very aloof as a person in general, so she valued being one of the few people he would willingly be close to. They enjoyed having movie or tv nights at home more than any other kind of date, which they’d usually end with a cuddle on the couch.

As a father, he was distant, but hardworking and comparatively loving. He knew from his teen years that he wasn’t cut out for family life, but did his best once avoiding it was no longer an option. He preferred to do the “maintenance work” of the family (house work, handling paperwork, planning stuff, etc) behind the scenes while his wife handled the face-to-face parenting. After Xiu Mei’s death, he was emotionally negligent and occasionally verbally abusive whenever he and Wing would argue, but never lashed out physically. He feared how angry he could be as he grieved and would separate himself early to avoid outbursts, but the absences only made things worse.

After Xiu Mei’s death and a small depressive period, vengeance became his primary goal and he began training himself in combat. This is where some of his absences in Wing’s life came from and where Wing’s early fitness started, as he tried a few times to work out with his father to bond with him. Considering that Wu was always very upset when doing so, it never worked out. Cypher was roughly at Nero’s level in combat by the end and had some training with most weapons; he’s not a boxer and wouldn’t do well in a fist fight, but if he was armed or given the chance to strategize, he could be very dangerous.

Did not build his criminal empire from the ground up– he instead infiltrated and worked under another villain for a year or two before assassinating him and stealing his holdings, using a few robots he’d made to bolster his defenses until he was powerful enough to use his reputation.

Genuinely believed Nero stole Wing for hostage purposes, as he received a letter that appeared to be written by him threatening Wing after his disappearance. In reality, this letter was crafted and sent by Overlord to encourage Nero and Cypher to go to war.

Needed glasses or contacts; his vision wasn’t horrible and he could function without them, but he was prone to bad migraines without them. As Wu Zhang, he preferred contacts, but switched to glasses as Mao Fanchu. During his time at H.I.V.E., he would become very uncooperative if not provided with glasses and an occasional exam. Also had high blood pressure and other chronic stress issues, but knew how to manage them. 

After the fall, he had to do daily physical therapy. Nero ensured he had equipment to do so (which was stored under his bed), but he struggled with chronic pain for the rest of his life. Also occasionally had chronic pain from Overlord’s blast, but this was less frequent. One of the closest relationships to amicable he had as Cypher did come from this though, as he developed an acquaintanceship with Dr. Scott.

After Overlord, he was a brontophobe (feared lightning in particular) and had a strong distaste for the color red despite using it as one of his cardinal colors. Also feared A.I.s and almost threw up at the sight of H.I.V.E.mind in Rogue.

Resented most supervillains’ “they’re disposable” attitude towards their technicians or low-ranking staff, especially as Cypher. He also preferred to avoid killing enemies’ staff, but did so to fit in and get closer to Number One, seeing it as genuinely necessary in his mission to save the world. 

And finally, Prompts! (AKA my rejected fic ideas for this...) - Darkdoom the pirate finding siren Wu after the latter got in a scuffle with the infamous Captain Nero. - A student finds Cypher's cell and talks to him through the door. - In an AU where he survives, Cypher playing Battleship with Laura. - Wu Zhang and Xiu Mei fleeing from G.L.O.V.E. after the Incident. - Cypher arguing with Nero in his cell about bringing Overlord online too early.

Anyways, hope y'all had fun! Can't wait to see what you've all created!

[fancycat-thesilvertux]

Can you please do more of the mk and Lloyd being half brother au I love it so much

Absolutely!

In the revamped edition of the LMK x N: MoS AU, I mentioned that MK’s got relatives from his mother’s side of the family.

=3 Those relatives? Kai and Nya.

After the LBD debacle is over with, Garmadon decides he can’t stay in the Underworld any longer. He had to stand by as a shadow and even though he gave support through his Skulkin army and the many weapons and instructions he provided to fight she who is a 6!+€# with, he still feels like he didn’t do much.

So he tells the group that he’s got some organizing to do in the Underworld and won’t be around for a while. MK and Lloyd know that their father is up to something, because this is Garmadon. The boys aren’t the only ones to know something is up though, but they need to cleanup after LBD’s reign of terror, so they can’t split their focus and after Garmadon helped them out so much, they can’t say he’s wholly evil to do anything too bad, right?

Well … Garmadon wouldn’t do anything too bad.

And here’s where things start to differ for the Ninjago portion of the AU. Nya was the one to be kidnapped in the Ninjago special, yeah? We’re flipping the script and it’s Kai that’s kidnapped.

Since Kai looks like MK slightly, and the Skulkin report with pictures of the targets, Garmadon sees the resemblance and look the man misses his sons and he’s curious at the resemblance Kai has to MK. So instead of Nya he has the Skulkin kidnap Kai. Garmadon was never in his right mind, his nature as a family man - and nobody can pry that from my hands that Garmadon was and is a family man when it came down to it - fighting against the evil that he was cursed with.

This leads to Nya getting trained as the water ninja and unlocking her powers there because Wu doesn’t understand what his brother is playing at but if it’s using Kai to get the sword because Kai is the fire ninja well what beats fire but water?

So when Kai gets kidnapped and brought to Garmadon, Kai is freaked because that’s LORD GARMADON and Kai is tied up. He can’t defend himself. Garmadon is also staring at him and that unnerves Kai a great deal. Garmadon then comments at how uncanny it is, and while Kai is confused and scared he’s more confused, and asks what’s uncanny.

Garmadon tells Kai truthfully that Kai looks like his son. Which cue Kai.exe stopped working. Wtf?

So I did have a thought about after Kai is freed and all the thing is Garmadon had actually talked to Kai and revealed information that caused Kai to have doubts about Wu. Information regarding Kai and Nya’s parents and their past. So Kai isn’t very trusting of Wu, which causes a lot of tension. Because of what Garmadon said about Kai looking like MK, Kai later got a DNA test done to check for any other relatives he and Nya have. And lo and behold the system did find some relatives out of Ninjago - some very distant relatives.

MK and co train Kai after finding it out, especially because Kai contacted them on what happened to Garmadon. To say the boys are less than pleased with their father is an understatement, but hey, at least they found out about there being family in Ninjago outside their uncle!

[boatcats]

Been trying to learn more about the Indigenous people of Boriken (Puerto Rico). There’s been a lot of research showing that the Indigenous people of Boriken were not all killed during and immediately after the Spanish invasion.

My grandmother was from Boriken but she moved to Minnesota in the late 1940s after marrying a US Navy pilot. She left Boriken behind. She didn’t teach her children Spanish, though by the time her grandchildren were born, she tried to teach us some. She taught me one Indigenous word: coqui. It means little tree frog. She said that was the word for them because that’s what they sound like when they call in the trees at night.

I don’t know if I have Indigenous heritage. My grandmother always said her parents came from Spain, but genealogical research that a distant relative did and posted on the internet (thank you, thank you, distant relative) shows that’s completely untrue. I don’t blame her for that little, protective untruth. She was the only Boricua she knew in Minnesota -- the loneliness and racism must have been crushing. Her US Navy pilot, the man who swept her off her feet in San Juan, used to sing that awful song from Westside Story to her ... “I want to be in America.” I never met the man but I get furious when I think of him doing that.

I’ve thought about doing DNA testing, but what would that even matter or show at the end of the day? Plus, the genocide of the Indigenous people means that many, many men were killed. So most of what has been passed down is mitochondrial DNA. That means that I could have Indigenous ancestors, but unless they are related to me through a maternal line, their DNA may not live on in me. 

And then there are the privacy issues inherent in DNA testing. What am I going to say? Sorry to any relatives who might be wanted for crimes.... I was dealing with some identity issues....

The distant relative who put together so much family history on the internet was able to find ancestors who came over from Europe. They also found ancestors in little towns in Boriken, people born in those towns who showed up on censuses but whose parents are a mystery to us. Who were those people? I don’t know. I barely know who my grandma was given her need to shield us from the heritage that marked us as “other.” She passed away when I was 14. We fought when I was a kid over my desire to be vegetarian. And I think she figured out that I was queer and didn’t really approve. But I do miss her.

What I do know is that the legacy of Boricua resistance lives on in me. Learning about the Young Lords and the Rainbow Coalition has been a constant source of inspiration for me.

Obviously, this doesn’t even go into the long history of African peoples in Boriken due to the trans Atlantic slave trade. I can’t claim that history as mine, either, but it is tied inextricably to the history of Boriken.

[luimagines]

Subject 10-Mulan Link

You have now gained the accesses file page of the chain links case number #19835 Corrupted heroes for Subject #10

Current state: Safe

legal name: Link,last name unknown

Nicknamed: Mulan 

Biological age: unknown

Chronical age: unknown

Hieght: Unknown

Weight: unknown

Visiting accesse time for subject Zero: Must be planned ahead of schedule time in order to have private meetings and clerance from head chief researcher Queen zelda and level 5 personal clerance

Physical description: Subject 10 is a short haired Hylian woman who wears a green tunic and knight gear armor.They have a well built muscular body and a ferret that rests around thier neck as well as scars and cuts around thier body.The most noticeable scare they have are three little cuts under thier chin and a long vertical cut across thier right cheek.

Information: Subject 10 first arrived at the castle carrying subject zero and subject 11 bloodied and badly injured with a broken arm and serveral fractured bones as well as stab/slash wounds.They came in as duplicates of four identical versions of subject 10 dressed variouse colors such as brown,cyan,yellow and green.Only one of the 4 sets had arrived at the castle with subject Zero and Subject 11 while the others fought off to keep back the “chain” while back up knights and town gaurds were deployed to apreheand them.Subject 10 is not placed under any containment but is required to come to the SCRPP research site to have check ups and testing as well as recorded interviews with research personales.Subject 10 refuses to have to go anywhere without her ferret campaion so all interviews and meetings are held with subject 10′s ferret either on the site with them or curled around subject 10′s neck.Subject 10 is in current possesion of the master sword and four sword as well as veriouse other items from the group(but not all for research purposes and other classified resons).They are to be informed of any drastic procedures that are to be done to any of the known subjects and participats of case file #19835.Subject 10 is one of the only subjects out of all the links who dose not show a red essence seeping out or show any signs of agression or possesive behvaiors for subject Zero. Research is still going underway to find out a way as to why it is and if blood or dna samples can be exracted from subject 10 in order to find a cure.

[interview recoding of subject 10 #1]

Dr.Jean: Now beining case file number #1983 dash 1 subject 10 interview of the anomalie the Curropted Heros. Time started at 10:89. Interview researcher personale Dr.Jean, tag number 893 of site 13 room A14.

Dr.Jean: Ok,lets start.Rember at anytime you start to feel uncomfortable we can stop the interview,alright?

Link: ok..

Dr.Jean: ok,lets start off with something simple.Subject 10 can you please state your name?

Link: Mulan.

Dr.Jean: I am sorry,let me clarify I meant your real name.

Link: oh,right..its uh,its Link.

Dr.Jean: Good,can you state your last name as well?

Link: I dont have one.

Dr.Jean: Are you sure? No documnets? Family? Anyway to file for one?

Link: Yes,I am sure.I dont have one.Thats it.

Dr.Jean: Right,right, *ahem* can you tell us how long you’ve know the links?

Link: We had all know each other for about a year and a half, and today would have been our second year together if…you know,had things still been normal with everyone.

Dr.Jean: how did you meet these people to begin with?

Link: I was out exploring the outskits of the forests behind my house one day and saw a bright light,so i got curiouse and followed it.I found a portal and went through it.I was transported to the guredo desert and wondered a around for a bit before I found the chain.it turns out the portal took me to a diffrent time period and there was some time,dimentional stuff going on and we were all gathered to fix it or something.

Dr.Jean: How did you meet subject Zero?

Link: Subject Zero? oh,do you mean [redacted]?

Dr.Jean: Link,please reframe from saying subject Zero’s real name during this interview.

Link: Fine.

Dr.Jean:thank you,pleas contiue.

Link: We first met them a few months after lucky came when [ audio connection has been temperarly lost]

Dr.Jean: Intresting and how did you feel about Subject zero?

Link: I didn’t think much of them, I thought that they were ok.they were kind of nice and everyone liked them,so I did too.But there was something just…off about them.

Dr.Jean:Off like what? Did you distrust them?

Link: no,no,no not distrsut or anything like that…just that something was not right…there was  just something…..something WRONG with them,I dont know how to describe it, they were just not normal in a very bad way.But I ignored it and didn’t think much on it. I think they were just…diffrent.

Dr.Jean: Why did you help them escape?

Link: Because it was the right thing to do.I wanted to get them out of a situation where they were held captive and also keep the others from killing each other on who got to keep them.Its not that complicated. besides it my fault for not stopping this sooner.

Dr.Jean: How?

Link: What?

Dr.Jean: How do you think it was your fault?

LInk:[sighs] its…it was all right there I didn’t want to see it,I knew everyone was starting to act a little wierd but I didn’t want to take it that seriously,I didn’t want to think badly about my fami-friends..my friends…Until one day when they had gone completly overboard and uh…..I had found some of them beating down on a man after they were flirting with..with subject Zero…and to say that they looked like they were thugs when they were doing it would be too much of a understatement…They looked like they were having a good time doing it too.I swear when I saw them that day at the allyway they were not the heros I knew and travled with and as faw as i was concerned they were strangers-no,not even that,they were monsters…And the look on thier faces when I yelled out to them and they turned to me…it was like they were going to kill me right there and then……[Inhales heavily before exhailing shakingly] they weren’t normal….thier eyes….I don’t think I can really ever forget those empty vacant looks..it was like someone els was there…Since then things had started to get worse.

[suject 10 begins to pet her ferret at this time seeming to find comfort in it from thier stress]

Dr.Jean: Who were the ones that were there at the time of the incident?

Link: it was…I think Twilight,Four,Sky and Wild were all there.

Dr.Jean: Even Sky?

LInk: Yeah, him too.I rembered the second I started yelling and taring a new in asshole for them he just came up from behind the group and started to try to “calm me down” and explain how the shit I just saw wasn’t what it seemed like and yadda yadda yadda,typical gaslighting you know? But I wasn’t going to fall for some shit like that so I got the man out of there and to a medic, payed for all his expenses and reported them to Time and Warriors. Honestly I was so pissed off and in shock about it all that I had finally started notice and realize more and more things that were wrong about the group that I use to just keep ignoring.I still didn’t try to do anything serious about it though until the end of our journey.

Dr.Jean:What did you mean by noticeing things?

Link: …….just things….and looking back at it now should have been obviouse red flags but I never pressed for them.I think the first time I did it was with Wsrriors but he kept brushing me off saying things like “everyone is just protective of [redacted]” or “that you are looking way too into this” and when he did listen to me he would tell me that he’d keep a closer eye on the group.I suppose you can take a guess that, he did not, in fact, keep up the promis that he made.

Dr.Jean: did at any point in your adventures feel,were attempted to or successfully attacked or harmed by any members of this group during you adventures before the escape?

Link:No-well I mean yes but…[  exasperated sigh]…yeah….yeah there were a few…ok maybe a lot…But I guess the one that really stuck with me was when,uh,when Time held me up against a wall and tryed to cut my throat during a heated argument about…..them.

[Subject 10 reaches over to rub on a faint cut across thier neck]

[the ferret circles closer to her neck nuzzling it head into hers in an attempt to comfort Link]

Link: Aww,its ok little guy,I am fine right now.Don’t worry fluffy.

Dr.Jean: i am sorry if its too much but what was the argument about?

Link:…….

[subject 10 stays silent for a few minutes before speaking again]

Link: It was about if we should kill subject zero.

Dr.Jean: Then do you think we should kill subject zero?

[subject 10 stops petting fluffy and stares at the doctore without giving an answer for several more minutes]

Link:[a shallow exhale leaves thier mouth] …….I……..I….

[the sounds of sirens and alarms going off]

Annocemnet :There is a containment breach in the D -12 containment building floor,please all personels and staff go to the evacuation exits and safety rooms while special elit force knights handle the situation.Subject 4 case 19835- 1,2,3 and 4 cololrs have all escaped.If you see him or any of the colors they are to be neutralized and brought back to thier containment cells.All other staff do not ingage unless -

Dr.Jean: oh Hylia,looks like we’ll have to cut this short and we have to hurry and-wait where are you going! The safety room is this way! Link!

Link: [distant and muffled]I know,I just need to go out and kick a few stobbern little butts back in thier cells first-!

Dr.Jean: Link the elit knights can handle it you don’t have to-Link!! Link! Sir Link! Lin-!!

[audio ends here]

I am doing wind next

This is long, so I'll react as I read.

oh SHOOT THEY RAN!!!

MULAN USES THE FOUR SWORD!!

[REDACTED]?!?!!?

LUCKY!!!

AUDIO CONECTION TEMPORTARILY LOST!?!?!?!?!?

THEY GONNA KILL A GUY-KIL MULAN!!? SKY IS GASLIGHTING!?!?

TIME CUT THEM?!?!?

MULAN GONNA KILL SUBJECT ZERO!?!?!?

THEY ESCAPE!?!?!? THE COLORS ESCAPE!!!!

MULAN GOES TO FIGHT?!?!?

MY GIRL!!!!

OH MY GOD

[jettingtothemoon]

War Of Hearts; chapter 2

➳ pairing: shigaraki tomura x f!reader (also features eraserhead x all might) ➳ genre: angst, fluff, smut ➳ warnings: violence, swearing, smut, spoilers for some of the canon ➳ word count: 2 ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ summary: In which y/n, a young pro-hero find her fate tangled with the leader of the league of villains.

Chapters: 01, 02,

Injury

By the morning, your uncle seemed at least somewhat better rested than usual and even stayed to eat breakfast before heading off to work.

You had, just like any other day, waved him goodbye and headed out not much longer after he did.

"Morning, Tamaki." You grinned upon your arrival.

"Morning." He smiled back, seeming ready for the day.

Within a few minutes, you were out on patrol with Suneater. You and Fat Gum liked to take turns taking him with you because Fat Gum didn't like to send him out on his own, especially while he was still full of self-doubt. Today was your turn so Fat Gum headed off on his own, leaving the two of you to do your patrol independently.

"How was your few days off?"

"Alright, I guess. Class wasn't too bad at least."

Tamaki was like that, he preferred this over his lessons. He was eager to get to the real thing.

"You just have to survive this last year and you'll be a full-time hero." You grinned, slapping his back.

Your conversation was cut short, however, when you heard yelling coming from just down the street.

"Hero! We need a hero, please help!"

The two of you looked at each other with a nod and both sprouted your wings as you rushed over to the scene.

There was only a couple more instances before it was time for you to head back and report to Fat Gum. While you were on your way back, however, you received a phone call.

"Mic? What's up?" You questioned, wondering what reason he had to call you.

"y/n, it's your uncle..."

You turned to Tamaki and told him you had to go before once again sprouting your wings and flying off towards the hospital.

You were fine until you reached the hospital room he was in, well, not quite. Only, the moment you saw him lying there wrapped head to toe in bandages, your already trembling body collapsed to the ground by the side of his bed.

"Uncle..."

You sniffled, burying your head into the sheets around him as you clutched at them, too scared to grab for his hand in case it would hurt him.

Aizawa was all you had, the only family you had left. He couldn't leave you like this, he just couldn't. He had to be okay. He had to be...

His whole face was covered in bandages and there was some dried blood still matted into his hair. When you had arrived, naming yourself as his next of kin, the doctors told you about his condition. They said he should be alright and that it he only fractured both his arms and his face. That had given you hope that he was in a better condition than this, but when they told you he was lucky not to have any lasting brain damage, your whole body began to shake.

You had lost your parents the same way ten years ago. Their bodies were barely recognisable after the fight. If it wasn't for their hero suits it would have probably taken a DNA test just to identify them.

After that, after losing them, you had always feared losing your uncle in the same way but it had never been this bad before. This was the closest you had ever come to really losing him.

A gentle hand soon rested on your shoulder but you still didn't move from his side, "He'll be alright, y/n."

You sniffled again and lifted your head from the bed, turning quickly to bury it again in the chest of the man who came to comfort you.

"How did this happen?" You mumbled through your tears.

"Eraser and Thirteen took class 1-A to USJ today and there was an unexpected attack by a group of villains. Your uncle, Thirteen, All Might and a number of students suffered injuries. None quite as serious as the teachers though." Mic explained, rubbing your back to soothe you.

You let out a relieved sigh because at least the students were mostly okay. That's why Eraser was in this state, he gave his all to protect them.

"How are All Might and Thirteen?" You asked with another sniffle as you pulled out of his hug.

"They're okay. Thirteen will live and All Might is being treated by Recovery Girl as we speak."

You nodded and turned your head back to your uncle, "Will he really be okay?"

"Of course he will, but he'll be a pain for you when he returns home. You're going to have to do everything for him, you poor thing. But don't worry, I'll come by to help the two of you whenever you need me." Mic announced, offering his help with a grin.

You smiled softly, "Thank you."

Mic stayed with you for a while longer before admitting that he had to go since there was lots of paperwork to do. You understood why. Villains attacked a class of first years, wounding three teachers and some of the students. They would probably be doing paperwork for the next few days.

Every time you looked at your uncle, you began to cry again but before long, you found yourself falling asleep with your head once again resting on the side of his bed.

By the time morning came, the doctors were coming in to usher you out so they could run some more tests and check on his condition. They said you could come back later to see him and that he would hopefully be awake by then.

You had almost lost him yesterday just like you lost your parents all those years ago. You were upset but right now you were angry. Livid, actually. You marched home with clenched fists but, the moment you were sat in that quiet apartment all alone, you began to cry again.

When lunch came around, you had found yourself directing your anger at someone who likely didn't deserve it and yet, you blamed the one hero who should have been there. The one hero who could have protected your uncle, Thirteen and those students if he had only been there like he was supposed to be.

That was why you soon found yourself marching over to UA, expecting the teachers to be there discussing what to do after the incident at USJ. Mic came to meet you when you arrived, letting you past the security as he asked you what you were doing there.

"I need to speak to him. Where is All Might?"

Although Mic seemed unsure of whether to answer you or not, he told you and soon you were storming off in search of the man you were after once again.

You barged in, shocked to find only a thin man lying in bed with a bandage wrapped around his chest.

"Um, sorry. I was looking for All Might." You apologised and went to leave the room.

"You've found him." The man sighed, stopping you in your tracks.

Slowly, you turned back around, "Wait, you're-"

"I am."

You let the shock pass for a moment and then felt the anger boiling up inside you again as you clenched your fist.

"Why weren't you there? Why didn't you protect them? Why did he have to get hurt? Why did I have to come so close to losing the only family I have left?" You questioned as a tear rolled down your cheek.

All Might sat up and looked at you with a guilt-ridden face, "I'm sorry. It's my fault, I know that I should have been there. I had reached my limit and couldn't take the class so I didn't go. It's my fault you're in pain now. It's my fault he's in pain."

You unclenched your fist as the feeling of anger you had was subsided by sorrow. This man was All Might which meant that this was probably the reason he couldn't go. He felt guilty but you knew it wasn't really his fault, none of it was.

"It's not your fault. I'm sorry I came here. I was looking for someone to blame but the only people to blame are those Villains."

There was a silence between you for a moment before you spoke again, "How are you- Why are you-"

"Like this? I was wounded fighting a villain a few years ago. I can only act as a hero for a certain amount of time before I hit my limit and then I have to stop because I go back to this form."

"Do the other teachers know?"

He nodded, "Yeah, they do."

You hummed, "I'll leave you to it then. Get better soon, okay?"

All Might grinned but stopped you from leaving once again, "Wait. How is he, Aizawa-kun?"

"He's alright. I can go back to visit him later today. The doctors said he should be awake by then."

"Can you please tell him I'm sorry I wasn't there."

You smiled, hearing the sincerity in his voice, and finally took your leave.

You didn't understand why they didn't get along. It was clear All Might cared for you uncle and not just as a coworker but as a friend. Then again, you knew your uncle was stubborn and distant at the best of times, so it also wasn't a surprise that the number one hero had struggled to befriend him.

After wasting the next few hours wandering around the city to clear your head, you went back to the hospital.

The second you saw your uncle sitting up, chatting with Mic, you rushed in. Of course, as soon as you dived on him, you had to quickly jump off when he winced in pain. You apologised quickly and, although you couldn't quite tell because of all the bandages, you swear Eraser rolled his eyes.

 "This one hasn't stopped worrying about you all day. She even went to give All Might an earful at lunch today." Mic chuckled, although your uncle didn't seem too impressed.

He simply sighed and grumbled, "It wasn't his fault, y/n."

You looked down with a sigh, "He said he's sorry you know. For not being there when you needed him."

Eraser hummed and, with Mic's help, lied back down. Despite the bandages, he turned his head to you, "Go home, y/n. Get some sleep. I'll be fine here on my own tonight."

You nodded, leaning over to give him a gentle hug before taking your leave. Mic took you home since your uncle had asked him to look out for you while he was in the hospital. After seeing him awake, even if only for a little while, you felt somewhat at ease and managed to get a good nights sleep.

The next few days went by slowly but before long, your uncle returned home again. He was still wrapped head to toe in bandages that even covered his face and couldn't really do anything without your help. Due to this, Mic had been staying at yours. That way, when you were at work, your uncle still had the help he needed. Plus, he wasn't going to ask you when he needed help going to the toilet. Not that he was particularly happy having Mic help him with that either but a male childhood friend was much better than his young niece.

Of course, now that he was home and the doctor had given you the say so, you were allowed to start healing him with your quirk. Given how bad of a state he was in, it would still take weeks of healing from both you and recovery girl before he is back to normal. Regardless, he still ignored your advice and had even returned to work. His dedication to his class was admirable but you were worried about him. Although, knowing the other teachers would help and keep an eye on him put you at ease somewhat. Especially knowing that both Present Mic and All Might would keep an extra close eye on him until he heals.

The UA sports festival was coming up so you understood why your uncle wanted to be there. He wanted to prepare his class since it seemed as though most eyes would be on the first years this year. Especially his class after the USJ incident.

The school was on high alert so you weren't worried about there being another attack any time soon and, even if there was, you had faith that they'd be ready for it.

"How's your class doing? Are they preparing for the sports festival?" You asked, massaging your hands gently into your uncle's back to try and remove some of the tension there as you healed him with your quirk.

He hummed, "They're excited."

He, however, sounded anything but. Eraser wasn't one to show his emotion, not so openly. Even with you he tried to act cold and as if he didn't care at times but you knew he was itching to see how his class would do at the sports festival. He was a strict teacher, there was no doubting that, but he really did only want the best for his students. He was once in their shoes, after all, he knew what they pressure felt like. He had even experienced a great many things back when he was a student at UA, and not all of those things were good.

Aizawa Shouta closed him off to everyone when he was very young. So young, in fact, that you could barely remember what he was like before now. The only people he ever opened up to were you and occasionally Mic, although he used to talk to your mother the most. His beloved sister but now even she was gone.

"That's all for today." You declared with a yawn, after exhausting your quirk.

Like everything, there was a limit to your quirk. You could use your wings whenever you pleased but your healing could only be used for so long before needing a recharge as such. So, for tonight, your healing session was over but you would have another tomorrow.

"Thanks, y/n." Your uncle smiled, although you could only tell from the way the bandages around his face moved slightly.

You simply smiled back and got up to stretch, yawing once again.

"Go to bed, y/n. You've got work early tomorrow don't you?" Mic asked as he entered the room.

"I do. Goodnight then, try to be careful with your wounds, Uncle. Especially your arms. They will feel a little numb for a while but if you push them they will only get worse." You warned, although he only grumbled in response.

Mic tutted and carefully pulled Eraser up, "You're going to bed too, you need your beauty sleep."

"You're only saying that because you want your beauty sleep and you need the sofa to get it." Eraser sighed, although he complied nonetheless.

"Well, I can't go home and leave y/n behind to look after you all on her own, can I? So, for the foreseeable future, I'll be taking the couch." He chuckled, grabbing the spare pillow and blanket you had offered him the first night he arrived.

With that, the three of you headed to bed.

Chapters: 01, 02,

[themxlodyofmiidnight]

Sunny's bio

** A note ahead of time. She was named by people who couldn’t spell - I CAN spell, and am fully aware her name is spelled wrong. That’s a part of her story and is on purpose! (Blame her cousins, and Howard for not naming her.)**

FC: May vary, but this particular picture is Lara Robinson.

Fandom: Marvel.

Note: I am still working some things out on Sunny, so I am more than willing to bend her story as needed to fit with thread ideas! Also, as needed, some of her information may just be thread-dependant.

More information on her will come later on. <3

*******

Base information

Family:

Biological Father: Howard Stark.

Biological Mother: Maria Stark.

Biological elder brother: Anthony “Tony” Stark.

Elder half-sister: Samantha Ascher. { Written by a good friend of mine, go check her blog out too! }

Eldest Niece: Carter Stark. { Written by a new friend of mine! Please go see! }

Youngest Niece: Morgan Stark.

Sister-in-law: Pepper Potts.

Distant Cousins on Howard’s side & Sunny’s adopted parents: Hannah and George Henton.

Adopted elder sister: Daisy-Anne Henton.

Adopted elder brother: Samuel “Sammy” Lee Henton.

Her purpose intended by Howard:  Obsessed with finding Steve, Howard decided to take his own child and try to replicate the super-soldier serum; to make ‘an improved replacement’ for the hero that they lost…starting from birth.

Original/former name: N.C.A.R.-23*

Why?: Howard saw Sunny as a scientific project rather than a daughter, and did not plan to name her until he was sure if his project was a success or not.

What it means?: “New Captain America Replacement.” The 23 comes from the day she was born.

Name given to her later on: Sunshyne Amarillys Stark.

Pronunciation: ( Sun-shine Ah-MARY-liss St-arr-k )

Who gave it to her: She had no name originally, so her name was given to her by her cousin, who named her after the sunshine gold her hair was when she was little. However..he could not spell, so he only got to pick her first name.

Her nicknames: County Mouse, Kid Genius, Sunny. (Her preferred name.)

Gender: Female.

Age: “Are we speaking chronologically, biologically, how long I have been out of cryogenisis - or, are you inquiring about my mental or emotional growth?” *Her age is explained through her backstory.*

*******

Backstory

Pre-childhood:

Born when Tony was still pretty young, Sunny’s birth was kept a secret from the world. Written off and lied about as being a miscarriage, Sunny was actually taken from her mother in her father’s plans to make a back-up for Captain America - the man that he never truly gave up searching for, but eventually began making plans to replace.

During Maria’s pregnancy with Sunny, Howard had began his work on trying to duplicate the serum given to Steve. He had yet to finish or perfect it, however, when it came time for Maria to have her.

Coincidentally, she was born early. Further cramping the timeframe of which Howard had to work with. Planning for the “greater good” of society and the world as a whole, Howard took it upon himself to put Sunny in a cryogenic chamber for safe-keeping. Leaving her there with a computer hooked up to it to systematically feed her knowledge about the world as it was gained, and to give her what he had managed to put together of the super-soldier serum that had been given to Steve before most of the remaining few records of it even existing were mysteriously ‘lost,’ never to be recovered again.

Thinking that the cryogenisis chamber would aid in slowing the absorption of both the information and the serum down until it could actually be completed all the way, Howard left Sunny in the chamber to be raised at a later time.

Never revealing to Tony that he had a little sister that he was using as a lab rat - or that he even had another sibling to begin with. All memories and questions about his mother’s second pregnancy were shut down with frustration and anger - depending on how Howard was doing at the time with his pet project.

Unbeknownst to her father when he placed her in the chamber, Sunny had been born with mutant genes. Dormant genes that had yet to come to develop her powers; ones that would not only be influenced by his actions regarding her, but forever changed by them.

After Howard and Maria’s deaths, the records of Sunny and the project were shut down and put away for good. No one knew what to do with her; subsequently, she was left in the chamber and forgotten, where she was not found until much later, when a suspiciously caused power failure led to the malfunctioning and shutting down of her chamber. A curious janitor found her days afterwards, dehydrated and alone in the old area.

When her identity was discovered through analysis of her DNA - which showed only abnormalities in the infant child’s blood at the time, not what she truly was or had within her - and all attempts to reach Tony Stark himself about the baby were a bust, Sunny was given to another relative to be raised. A very distant cousin on Howard’s side, living out on an old ranch in the country.

Sunny was not discovered until the mid-to late summertime of 2002, after an aftershock from an earthquake shook up the oldest parts of the building where she was being kept, and the lower to the entire structure had to be rebooted. Found by a janitor who was looking for injured people and who had heard her crying, the search for who she was and where she belonged began.

***

Known childhood:

After the subsequent care had been taken of her and her blood had been drawn for a DNA analysis (though the results were odd and only her parentage could be discerned at the time) the hunt for her family began. Before placing her with anyone outside of their family, multiple attempts to contact her elder brother Tony were made. When this failed, other relatives were tried and exhausted. Many were ruled out to begin with because it was thought that they were not suitable, making the search for placement that much harder. Finally, right when they were about to seek a different kind of homing placement for her, a letter back was received.

Sunny was taken in by Howard’s very distant cousin Hannah, and her husband George. It took them awhile to settle on a name for her, or even to agree to take her in when they already had children of their own to take care of. But when the men in black suits (which raised quite a stir in their rural little community) came from SHIELD to bring her to them, they knew that they had to keep her.

The first few years of raising her, went by at a pace that Hannah and George did not expect. Since Sunny was so different from their own two children, they had a larger learning curve than most parents of an adopted cousin would.

At the age of two, Sunny was already talking better than the other two had. She got around without nearly as much trouble, and always seemed to either want to be starting at the window to watch stars at night, or at whatever screens were available to her. By the age of three, going on four, she had developed more of an interest in taking her toys apart and putting them back together again, than actually playing with them. Her free time, mostly spent in finding things she wasn’t supposed to be in and fixing them up nearly as good as new.

It was not until the age of six, however, that Sunny really got a lot more attention from anywhere outside of their little country haven. Since she only seemed to want to fix or build things when she was supposed to play outside, eventually the other kids got tired of having to watch her and they decided to take her back inside. Having meant to get her in trouble so that she would have to stay inside instead, the other kids waited until Sadie-May wasn’t around and took Sunny up to the attic to let her play with the old computer. Not thinking that she’d be able to do much with it, but knowing that none of them were supposed to be in the attic regardless, Sunny got left up there a lot in hopes that she’d get caught.

This was, however, not what got her noticed by the outside world. It was her ability to fix the computer up, to hotwire the internet for them by toying with cables, and what she did afterwards that truly earned her the unwanted attention that the two SHIELD agents had warned them about letting be on her.

At about six years old, the computer had to be moved downstairs so that the other kids, her cousins and those from nearby families, would stop leaving her upstairs. It was also around this time, that she found out for herself and made connections to things that she wasn’t supposed to be able to. With an abnormally high IQ that was only amplified by the testing done on her and the information being fed into her, Sunny continued on like this - not acting like any other child in the area. Or that any of them had ever heard of, either.

*******

Her approximate age(s) through the movie timelines: **Which would be after she is taken out of the cryogenic chamber, because she didn't start biologically aging until then.**

Iron Man 1 - 2010, she's 8.

Iron Man 2 - 2011, she's 9.

Avengers 1 - 2012, she's 10.

Iron Man 3 - 2012, six months after Avengers 1. Still 10?

Avengers 2, Age of Ultron - 2015, she's 13.

Captain America: Civil War / Spider-Man: Homecoming - 2016, she's 14.

Avengers: Infinity War - 2017, she's 15.

Avengers Endgame - 2017 to 2022, she is 15 through 20.

[beshert-bh]

My journey to/with Judaism

***This is a super long post, it’s the FULL story, not a brief overview, but it would mean the WORLD to me if you read it***

Upbringing: very much Not Jewish™️

I was born into a Catholic family. I have a goyish last name. I was baptized as an infant, and my parents took me to church each week as a kid.

In kindergarten — back when I still went to a secular private school — one of my best friends was Jewish. He told me all about the traditions his family did...told me all about the kippahs they wear, and how they had their own game called dreidel for this holiday they celebrated, called Hanukkah. (Of course this convo was at a basic-kindergarten-level of knowledge.) When I came home from school I was fascinated with Hanukkah, (this is cringey to admit but my 5-year-old self tried to integrate the traditions together and so in order to do this I drew up a “Christmas dreidel” complete with Santa Claus’ face on one side, a present on another side...you get it)

And that is when I was promptly put in “parochial” schools. I went to Catholic school from 1st grade to 12th grade. I went through Holy Communion and Confirmation like all the other kids did. My elementary soccer team’s mascot was an Angel. My high school’s mascot was a Crusader. Our high school was located on Rome Avenue. I went to a Catholic youth conference. I considered becoming a nun because I was single all throughout high school.

Growing up, around Christmastime we would always travel to visit my grandma, and she would always say we’re “German Jewish” — but I would write her off. In my mind, I was like, Yeah ok like 1%? .....It felt like my grandma was acting like one of those white people who takes a DNA test and says, “Look! We’re 1% African!” So I would dismiss her and remind her how we’re Catholics and she would drop the subject.

Falling away from Xtianity: my first 2 years of college

My freshman year I changed — politically — as I was only conservative in high school because of the ‘pro-life’ agenda being shoved down my throat. I really aligned more with liberal and leftist policies and views, though. Once I became open to new political ideology, I began to question my theological beliefs.

I always had a strong connection to God. My whole life. But I struggled with connecting to Jesus, Mary, the saints, and so on. So obviously my freshman year of college I began to fall away from Catholicism.

You see, Catholics are “bad at the Bible” as I like to say. Other Christians do a better job of teaching and analyzing the writings. They actually require school-aged children to memorize Scripture passages. Catholics mostly just teach the same stuff over and over. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, blah blah blah. Catechism, liturgical calendar, blah blah blah. Parts of the mass, fruits of the spirit, blah blah blah.

So since I was already doubting Catholicism, its corrupt leadership, and its mindless traditions.... I thought maaaaybeeee I would find purpose, truth, clarity, etc. in plain-old Christianity. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The other Christian churches I went to baptized people (which is a BIG LIFE DECISION) on the spot. For example if a newcomer felt on a whim that they wanted to be baptized, the church would do it right then & there. No learning, no planning or preparing, that was it. They promoted blind faith and circular thinking. I began to realize these were both normal attitudes and cognitive patterns within any and every Christian community that I encountered.

Even the Christians who exhibited curiosity mostly just asked questions in order to be able to understand, and then accept, the doctrine as truth. Questions never ever challenged anything.

Oh and let’s throw in the fact that I’m bisexual. Homophobia, transphobia, biphobia (and more) are rampant in the church. So needless to say, with all my observations about the lack of logical thinking in the church (and considering my sexual orientation) I fell away. I stopped going to church unless my family made me when I was home from college.

Enter stage right: Judaism

In retrospect I happened to have a lot of friends in my sorority and my favorite fraternity on campus who were Jewish (the frat happened to be a traditionally-Jewish one). Thought nothing of it at the time. Fast forward to junior year when I met this cute guy on Tinder. He’s now my boyfriend and we’ve been dating for over a year. He didn’t tell me this on Tinder, but when we went on our first date, he revealed that he’s Jewish and wanted to make sure that’s something I was ok with. Clearly I had no problem with that. I wasn’t too into Christianity anymore but I still identified as one (and I was still surrounded by Christian friends in my sorority) so I told him I was Christian/raised Catholic and asked hypothetically if he would be comfortable with a “both” family. He said yes.

We started dating during an October, so of course Hanukkah came up soon. There was a mega challah bake at our local Chabad, which he took me to, and we had a blast. From then on I decided I wanted to show him how supportive I was of his Jewishness. (The last girl he dated dumped him after 3 months BECAUSE he was Jewish... so I felt that I needed to be supportive)

We started going to shabbat services and dinner every week. We did Hanukkah together (we bought our first menorah together, he taught me how to spin a dreidel, his mom bought me Hanukkah socks...lol). At some point in our relationship I told him I may have Jewish ancestry from my grandma but it’s distant and my whole extended family is Christian so it really wouldn’t even matter. I don’t remember when I had that conversation with him.

Eventually, after another few months of Shabbat services and Shabbat dinners, Pesach came around.

We went to the first seder together. The second seder is what changed everything.

Deciding to convert

At first I wasn’t sure if I belonged at this second seder. My boyfriend had always brought me to every event. I had never attended anything alone at Chabad before. But I went anyway. Throughout the night I felt increasingly comfortable. I had never felt more like I was a *part of something* than I did at this seder.

I sat near a friend who I recognized. (He knows I’m raised Catholic.) Then he & his friends welcomed me. We all took turns reading from the Haggadah, we drank the four cups of wine together, and we laughed together as I had maror for the first time.

Then the familiar faces left to go home, and one of them even went to another table to sit with his other friends whom he hadn’t had a chance to see yet that night. Naturally I thought I was alone again. I almost left, but something tugged at my heart to stay until the very end of the second seder. Something told me to keep going and keep taking in this wonderful experience.

The rest of the night consisted of many songs (most likely prayers, in retrospect) I did not know. Everyone stood to sing and we all clapped to the rhythm. I knew none of the words but I still clapped along, alone at my own table. Then one of the boys — the one who had been sitting with my friends and I earlier — motioned at me to come over and join his other friends. I approached this new table full of people I’d never met, feeling awkward as ever, and they not only hoisted me up to stand on the table with them as they chanted, but they also included me in their dance circle. (no, I don’t think it was the Hora, we just spun around over and over. lol.)

This was the first night I felt at home with Judaism. Going through the Jewish history with the Haggadah, remembering the important occurrences and symbolizing them with various foods, ending the night by being welcomed into the community... it was transformative. After attending shabbat services for months and learning about Jewish values, it changed something in me when I observed Pesach for the first time last year. I knew this path would be right for me. I felt as if my soul had found where it belonged. The Jewish history, traditions, beliefs, and customs resonated with me. It all just... made sense.

I told my boyfriend I wanted to convert. I wrote three pages of reasons. But I sat on the idea of converting and did nothing for a while. I did do some more research on Judaism, though, as I continued to attend services each week.

The exploration stage

I began to actually research on my own time. If converting was something I was genuinely considering, it was high time I began actively learning as much as I could possibly learn. It was time to dive deeper than just attending the weekly services and googling the proper greetings for Jewish holidays.

I started digging deeper into Judaism and Christianity so I could compare and contrast the two. I needed to understand the similarities and differences. And BOY are they different. That was surprising at first, but the more I learned about Judaism, the more I loved how different it was from the Christianity I was indoctrinated into.

Not only are the values and teachings of each religion vastly different, but the Tanakh (which is “The Old Testsment” in Christian Bibles) actually contradicts:

The entire “New Testament”

The gospel books specifically

The Pauline letters specifically

How did I realize this? Some bible study of my own, but mostly through online research. And, of course, I would have gotten nowhere without the help of Rabbi Tovia Singer and his YouTube videos. He debunks everything there is to debunk about Christianity.

Here were some things I came across when researching:

It confused me how the four Gospels didn’t align (like, major parts of the story did not align at all...and supposedly they’re divinely inspired...but they don’t even corroborate one another?)

It confused me how the psalms we sang in church were worded completely different from the true wording in the Bible (essentially the Christian church is taking tehillim and altering it to benefit Christian dogma and Christian rhetoric.)

It confused me how we read in the Bible that Jews are ‘God’s chosen people’ and yet in every Catholic Church, every Sunday, there is a Pauline letter being read which depicts proselytization of Jews, as if Jews are lost and need Christians to save them. As if Jews would go to hell if they fail to accept Jesus.

It confused me why we would pray to Mary and the saints, because praying is worship, and worshipping anyone but God themself is idolatry.

It confused me why Christians make, sell, and use graven images. Idolatry. Again.

It confused me why Christians give absolute power to humans. For example, if you crawl up the same steps (Scala Santa) that Jesus supposedly crawled up before he died, you automatically get “saved” because *some old men who have no divine power* said so (they have a term for this and it’s called “plenary indulgence” lol).

It confused me why Jesus was believed to be the messiah considering he had to have biologically been from the line of Joseph. Wasn’t Jesus supposedly conceived without any help from Joseph? Wouldn’t that render Jesus, uh, not messiah by default? Even if he was from Joseph’s blood, he still did not complete all the tasks moshiach is supposed to fulfill. And even if he DID fulfill all the tasks required of moshiach... we still would not worship a messiah as he is human and not GOD.

These were all new thoughts I developed this past year between Pesach and Yom Kippur. New questions that challenged everything I thought I knew. It was like teaching a child 2+2≠22 but rather 2+2=4.

Hillel

This fall, after the High Holy Days, my boyfriend began attending shabbat dinners at a rabbi’s home. His new rav lives in the community and it’s exclusive to be invited, so I never imposed. We do Shabbos separately now (with some exceptions, we do it together sometimes).

I continued to go to Chabad with one of my friends who knew I wanted to convert. But one month, she couldn’t come at all, and I felt a little judged there anyway.

So I began going to Hillel a few months ago. And I honestly have found a home there.

From Hillel’s Springboard Fellow reaching out to me and taking me out for coffee to get to know me... to running into my sorority & fraternity friends at every Hillel event (shabbat or otherwise)... From getting included in various clubs like the women empowerment group and the mental health inclusivity group... to being the only college student to participate in Mitzvah Day (hosted by Hillel) with the elderly and the local Girl Scout troop... I feel truly welcome. I’ve started to attend every week. I even talked briefly with the rabbi about having Jewish lineage and wanting to convert.

Discovering new information

I went home to be with family during Thanksgiving break. My grandma flew in so she was there when I got home. She stayed with us from then until New Years (and she’s actually moving in with us next year.)

Of course, now I have a Jewish boyfriend, Jewish friends, and I’ve done extensive research on Judaism. So this time I had background knowledge when she inevitably said... “You know, we’re German Jewish!”

I inquired a little. I asked her what she meant. How is she Jewish? I know my uncle took a DNA test this year and came back part Ashkenazi. But I needed a deeper explanation than DNA.

She revealed to me that her mom’s mom was Jewish. We believe she married a Christian man. Together they had my great-grandmother, who I believe was Christian. She had my grandma, who had my dad, who had me.

And I immediately felt like that changed things. At first I was (internally) like, Now I definitely need to convert! But then I was like, Wait, does this make me Jewish? Am I Jewish-ish? ...Can you be considered Jewish if you’re only ethnically Jewish but not raised Jewishly? ...Can you be Jewish if your dad is your only Jewish parent? ...Can you be Jewish if your dad never had a bris or a bar mitzvah?

I joined a bunch of Jewbook groups, began learning the Hebrew calendar & holiday schedule, and found some folks who assist with Jewish genealogy. They did some digging for me and apparently I descend from the Rothschild family. THE Rothschild family.

Who is a Jew? Who “counts”?

This is something I’ve been muddling over.

At Hillel, at my school at least, most people are pretty Reform. They’re very liberal with their definitions of Judaism (they believe in patrilineal descent and not only matrilineal descent).

They accept me and see me as actually Jewish ...and the ones who don’t... they at least see me as Jewish-adjacent, an “honorary Jew” or an “ally to the Jewish people”.

My boyfriend, however, still sees me as Not Jewish.™️ (For context he’s Reform but he’s trying to become as observant as possible) I know he only thinks this was because of how we began our relationship and because of how I was raised. But I’m very confused here.

Do I count?

Do I not?

Do I count *enough* but still need to go through a formal conversion process?

So...now what?

I don’t know how to navigate this odd journey but I have felt for a while that I have a Jewish neshama and I feel a strong need to affirm it. I just don’t know how or what is appropriate. Do I learn Hebrew? Sign up for a trip to Israel/Germany/Poland? Put up a mezuzah? Or go toward the other end of the scale, and head down a path of a formal conversion/reaffirmation process?

Thank you in advance for your responses and thanks for reading. 🤎

[neeterloveschenford]

This has been a very divisive week in the fandom. I did not personally know about Tyler admitting to not being native until a couple of days ago. I talked briefly about my own experiences when I reblogged a post on the matter. As someone who for 40+ years thought she was native because of what her grandmother always told her, I identified with Tyler finding out from a DNA test that he wasn’t. I hadn’t listened to the podcast yet, so now that I have, I have some more thoughts. Don’t know if anyone wants to hear my opinions, but here we go. I’ll put the rest under the cut since this will probably be long.

I still feel like I, at least, can extend a little grace to Tyler. He was only 23 and was more concerned about his career than any thing else. This is, sadly, an example of not only the systemic racism that runs rampant in Hollywood, but also the win at any cost mindset that most young actors have to adopt to make it. Do I think he should have dug a little deeper since this was new information at that stage of his life? Absolutely. But at the end of the day what upsets me most was the reactions of the “moms”. At first it seemed, for lack of a better term, momish. They all seemed a little baffled since they all believed he was native. It being pointed out that the DNA test might come back differently from another company wasn’t necessarily wrong. If it had continued on as a “Don’t beat yourself up, you believed what you’re grandma told you,” type of conversation, then I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But when he told the story of how he got the job, they seemed gleeful that he had got one over on the other actors who had auditioned for the role. It just showed to me that the issue of a white man using his perceived ethnicity went right over their heads. The producers and studio obviously didn’t care about the specifics of their ethnic character. All in all it just shows that Hollywood has a real problem. Has it made huge strides over the years? Most definitely. Everyone remember the immediate backlash when Emma Stone was cast as a native Hawaiian character in Aloha? What about the anger over Scarlet Johansson playing an Asian character in Ghost in the Shell? I think most execs are much more wary of those types of casting. And as long as Tyler doesn’t play another native character, I will cut him a break. He didn’t have to tell the truth. He could have taken this to the grave to benefit his career. I hope he’s learned an important lesson and does better. That’s all we can really ask of anyone. 

I’d like to end this by giving a little more insight into how easy it is for someone in Oklahoma to think that they are native with no cultural connection. I talk in the aforementioned reblog about my mother’s side of the family and how we found out we weren’t actually Cherokee. Well on my dad’s side of the family, we were always told we were Creek. Our grandmother’s maiden name was Crow. Her family always talked about their heritage. We had no reason to doubt it. Then one Christmas, my cousin got a DNA test kit as a present. She found out, to the entire family’s surprise that we had 0% native DNA. She did some research on Ancestry and found a distant relative who had done a lot of research and found that we were descended from Irish indentured servants. They were bought from a white family that had fallen on hard times by a wealthy Creek family. They were relocated with the family in the 1830′s to Indian Territory. After they served their contract and were released, they stayed on the res. Generations later, all anyone knew was the grandma, great-grandma, great-great-grandma was from the res. Naturally, they thought they were actual Creek Native Americans. If it hadn’t been for these two test by my cousin and sister, I would still consider myself native. I went to school in a predominately native area. Probably half of the native people that I knew didn’t have a cultural connection to their tribes. Several of them didn’t even know what tribe they actually belonged to. Did that make them any less native? Just because their parents or grandparents didn’t instill in them any part of their history? Not in my opinion. It’s a very sticky situation and few people will agree on how to proceed to grow and be better. But I think the first step is to agree that we should be better. I hope that my story can give someone a different perspective on what it means to think you’re native. Listening to each other and trying to understand is all we can really do if we want real change in the world.

[hymn2000]

Ideal Confusion - MCU AU Fanfic - C8

(Title subject to change)

Story summary: Giving into the constant pressure from the press, Tony decides to put a rest to the rumours that Peter is his biological son - once and for all.

Previous Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: family, family stuff, adoption, DNA test(s), pressure, peer pressure, social issues, mentions of alcoholism, mental health problems, potentially some minor medical inaccuracies, mentions of corporal punishment, hurt/comfort

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 8 - Yellow, Blue, Green and Grey

-

Peter fully expected a difficult few days to follow, but then he was woken up by the sound of his parents... being active... in the next room. He couldn’t help feeling just a little bit relieved. But more than that, he was grateful that he kept his earphones so close to his bed.

-

Things seemed to go back to normal for a few days. Being technically grounded, Peter stayed in, and somehow, by watching DVDs, staying off the internet, and spending a lot of time taking advantage of everything the house had to offer, he managed to completely ignore the papers and news stories still circulating about him and his family. He tried to keep himself busy, because otherwise he’d get bored and start doing strange things, which would often get him into trouble.

-

Peter spent Monday morning down in the challenge area of the pool. It seemed to change every time he went down there, and it was a great way to kill a few hours. It was easy to get really into it, so it was really quite a shock when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, hey, stop screaming! It’s only me!”

“You can’t just sneak up on me like that!” Peter shouted. “I nearly wet myself!”

“Well, it’s the best place to do it: no one would be able to tell” Tony grinned. 

Peter scowled and splashed him. He sat down heavily on the rock ledge, paddling his feet in the water.

“My hearts still thumping”

Tony sat down beside him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t realise how hard you were concentrating”

“It’s weird seeing you down here. Especially actually in the pool, and not just on the side shouting at me”

“Aw, that’s not fair!”

“It is! You always put on that nasty coach persona and get me to do lengths and stuff, and then we always end up in an argument and usually daddy has to come down and sort everything out”

“Well, ok, maybe that’s true” Tony admitted. “...Hey, if we do decide to homeschool you, we can find you a swim team nearby. They’re not all school-based, you know: I’ve checked”

“Yeah... I don’t even like the swim team I’m a part of now” Peter said awkwardly, looking down at his hands. “I wouldn’t worry about it...”

“You’re gifted, kiddo” Tony said. “You’ve got more medals and trophies than anyone else at your school - and probably most schools. You could go professional. Olympic Swimmer Peter Stark, eh?”

Peter shook his head. Tony sighed. 

“...Why did you come down here, dad?”

“Oh. I had a phone call from Dr Manning”

“Oh right. So you’ve been excluded, then?”

“No, he didn’t tell me the results - although obviously we know what they are - he just said he wants us to go in and talk to him, the whole family”

“What? Why?”

“He didn’t say”

Peter was quiet for a moment. “...What if they found something while they were doing the test, dad? What if I’ve got some weird marker that puts me at higher risk of developing some physiological condition or some illness or something, like, what if there’s something in my family history that means I’m gonna get really ill or something?!”

“Hey, hey, don’t act so worried!” Tony put his arms round Peter, hugging him close. “If there was anything nasty in your family history, you’d know about it. Shhh! Oh sweetheart, don’t cry!”

“I’m not crying!”

“What’s this then?” Tony said, dabbing at the tears on Peter’s cheek.

“Nothing...” Peter mumbled.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok” Tony said, kissing him firmly on the nose. “I’m sure it’s nothing like that. Like I said, you’d know if you were at risk of something because of your bloodline. I would too... There’s nothing in my bloodline, by the way, so don’t go worrying about that either. No, Dr Manning probably just prefers giving results face to face”

“But why has he said daddy has to go too?”

“Emotional support? I don’t know. Even though we know what the result is gonna be, it’s still a bit nerve-wracking going to the doctors. It’s not really somewhere you go for fun, is it?”

Peter shook his head slightly. “I get all nervous about it even when I know I’m going for a blood test or something simple. Or when I go to the dentist... Daddy’s good at staying calm in those situations though, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he is” Tony said. “You know, I think he likes it. Even before he started at the hospital, he never seemed bothered by medical environments - quite the opposite, in fact”

“Maybe it makes him feel safe” Peter suggested. “Like, yknow, everyone being there to look after you or whatever”

“I think you’re probably right. We had some weird days early on where he was in a really bad mood, like, cross or upset or whatever, and he’d completely mellow out as soon as he was in the doctors office. He’s a strange one, your father”

“I think I’m ok with strange”

“Good, because you’re strange too. And so am I” Tony kissed his nose again. “I think we need to get out of the pool now. Go and have a shower and get dressed and get something to eat before we go out. Ok?”

“Mm... I don’t suppose I’ve got a choice, have I?”

“‘fraid not, kiddo. Come on; let’s go up the big slide and have a grand finale, ok?”

“Ok. But we can’t get to it from here, can we?”

“Sure we can! We just need to do that little puzzle first”

Peter looked back at the puzzle he’d been working on. “But that just leads to the caves, and they only lead to the fairy pool”

“That’s what you think! Jesus, Peter, I thought you’d’ve explored every nook and cranny of this place by now. Right, budge up: I’ll do this puzzle for you and then I’ll show you how to get to the big slide from the caves”

Peter watched Tony. He finished the puzzle in a matter of moments, and the hidden door in the wall opened.

“Are you sure you’re right about this?” Peter asked. “I mean, what if you’ve remembered wrong? You never really come down here”

“I designed this whole thing, remember? I know what I’m doing. Now go on”

Peter did as he was told. Tony followed after, and the hole closed behind them. Peter sat for a moment on the damp stone, looking at the uneven ceiling and the water dripping down the wall, all illuminated by the dim fairy lights dotted about. If he was quiet, he could hear the distant gentle harp music playing. 

“...I like this bit” Peter said. “It’s good to come here and think. I fell asleep down here once”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was a long time ago, back when May was still alive. It was one of my weekends here. You were down in the front pool for a bit but then you had to go out, and daddy Loki was upstairs and I was tired when I reached this bit and just kinda sat down and fell asleep” Peter remembered. “I don’t know how long I was asleep for, but it was long enough to make daddy worried. He looked pretty scared when I went back upstairs after I woke up. He got a bit cross with me”

“Oh dear. What did he say?”

“I don’t really remember. Something about thinking I’d run away and that he was about to call you when I showed up. He didn’t get too angry though” Peter said. “He just tripped me up and said I needed an early night”

Tony laughed slightly. “He was always tripping you up back then. You never really seemed to mind but May went mad when she saw it happen”

“Oh yeah, she was soooo cross! She proper shouted at daddy, didn’t she?”

“She certainly did! He was a little surprised by it. Still, I suppose it had the desired effect. He stopped tripping you pretty soon after that, didn’t he?”

“Well, mostly” Peter said. “I think I had a bit of an argument with her about it cos I felt like she was overreacting. But I guess I can see why she got so angry”

“Yeah. To be honest, I never liked it either. If it had hurt or upset you I’d’ve intervened, but you usually just laughed and jumped up again”

“Yeah... You know, he’s tripped me accidentally a few times, and I’ve been hurt from that. So maybe May wasn’t really overreacting”

“I can imagine how that conversation went down” Tony said, raising an eyebrow. “Right, we can’t really hang about here all day”

Peter pouted. “I like it down here”

“I know, kiddo, but we’ve got places to be”

Peter sighed, but nodded. “Can we come back down here when we get back from the doctors?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not” Tony said. “Let’s go to the slide”

“Right!” 

Peter looked around the cave. He could see the pathway which led to the other caves and the fairy pool, but there was nowhere else they could go.

“Uhh... So we go down there, right?”

“Nope” Tony said. “You can get to it from here”

“How? There’s no openings or puzzles or anything!”

“Is that so? Look at these” Tony tapped a small but thick plastic panel on the ground, illuminated by a pale light under it. 

Peter looked. There was a few of them, leading to the next cave.

“What about them? They’re just showing the path, aren’t they?”

“Nope. Look, all of these ones are yellow, right?”

Peter glanced at them. “Well, aside from that pink one in the middle”

“There you go, that’s your first clue”

Peter furrowed his brow and went over to the pink one. He tapped it cautiously, as though it could make the floor collapse beneath them. 

“...I don’t get what I’m supposed to be doing here”

Tony smiled, moving over to be beside him. He traced the edges of the panel, and then pushed on one side of it. The panel flipped up, revealing a strange key like that of a wind up toy.

“Oh! What..?”

“Give it a twist, then!”

Peter turned the key, and there was a low rumble. Peter looked at the wall behind him. 

“Umm...”

The rumble continued, and as Tony replaced the panel, a square of the wall behind them opened up. 

“Alright, in you get” Tony said.

“What? No way! It’s dark in there”

Tony laughed. “Just go. Be careful though”

Peter took a deep breath, pulled himself up and climbed through the hole - and fell a good couple of feet, landing with a splash in a shallow puddle of water. As he did so, the hole in the wall closed. 

“WAIT, DAD!!”

It was pitch black. Peter could hear the sound of the water, and soon the rumbling he’d heard back in the cave. He put his hands out, trying to figure out where to go, but the ceiling above where he lay was so low he couldn’t even sit up, and his senses were starting to go into overdrive. 

“DAD!!!”

The hole in the wall above opened again, and Tony’s head appeared.

“Hey, kiddo, it’s ok! You’re perfectly safe”

“I don’t feel it! Where am I supposed to go? I can barely move in here and it’s all dark!”

“The low bit is only about half a metre wide, kiddo. You just need to shuffle yourself along and you’ll hit the sensor and the lights will go on in the next bit, ok? There’s a bit of a drop at the end so be ready or that”

“What if they don’t come on?!”

“They will, believe me. Get a move on, kiddo; we haven’t got all day”

Peter still felt unsure.

“Hey, sweetheart, I can’t come down to join you until you move”

Peter’s heart was thumping so hard he could feel it in his throat. 

“I don’t like it. Can’t I come back up?”

“Nope: we’re going forwards, not backwards! This is the quickest way out. Start shuffling, fella. Come on; this is nowhere near as scary as a mission!”

Peter swallowed hard and did as he was told. It was awkward, but as he started moving he realised there was a lot more space than he’d originally thought, and soon a light came on to his right. He still had a little while to go, and the sound of water was getting louder. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on moving - and let out a little squeak as he slipped down a little slope and landed in a little pool filled with what looked like gold coins. He paddled further in and scooped up a handful. They were almost certainly plastic, but they looked surprisingly real. 

It was a funny little round pool, only about three metres across. It was very warm, and it felt very much like being in a bowl. There were a number of shaped doors in the walls, all with little buttons beside them which Peter presumed opened them. They all had signs above them, but before Peter could read them, Tony slipped into the pool with him.

“Hey, kiddo” Tony sat up and gave him a little cuddle. “Are you alright? You seemed pretty riled back there”

“I was scared”

“You’re perfectly alright. Come on; we want this door here” Tony said, pulling himself up onto a ledge by a door marked ‘To the skies’. 

“What are all these other doors?” Peter asked, looking around. “To the trees, to the seas, to the-”

“Peter, sweetheart, come on”

“Aww, I don’t wanna go to the doctors! Can’t you call him to reschedule while we stay down here and explore?”

Tony laughed. “No, sweetheart. We can come back down here some other time. Come on”

Tony held a hand out, and Peter let himself be helped up onto the ledge. Tony pressed the button to open the door, and inside was a large square slab with a thin gap round the edge.

“Umm...”

“Hey, don’t worry: you can fit three grown men on this thing, so me and you are no problem” Tony said.

“It just looks like a tiny room”

“Oh, ye of little faith” Tony said, climbing through the door and sitting down.

Peter sat close against him and Tony pressed a button inside to close the door. He pressed a button on the slab they were sat on and it started moving upwards. Peter squeaked a little.

“Oh, it’s a lift! I didn’t expect that”

“Yeah, pretty good right?”

“You know, I think this is exactly what having money is all about. This swimming pool is like a whole other world inside our house”

“I’m still pretty damn proud of it. It was horrendously expensive to make, mind you”

“I bet” Peter said. “How much does it cost to maintain?”

“Never you mind!” Tony said. “...Well, actually it’s not expensive. We’ve got the outside people who do a lot of the servicing and extra stuff to it, but it’s fitted with a hell of a lot of things that self-clean and maintain. The company has it all mapped out and they have easy access routes. They get a good wage for it, but it’s not a massive dent at all”

“Oh right. It’s all eco then”

“Pretty much. Plus Loki put some kind of weird spell on it that basically preserves it in this state. I don’t ask too many questions about his magic. There’s no way I’d understand it even if I did”

Peter nodded, and there was a ding as the slab stopped moving. The door here opened automatically. It was smaller than the one at the bottom, so they had to crawl out. Peter stood up when they were both out, surprised to find himself at the top of the big slide, but even more surprised to find that he’d just crawled out of the big metal block with the slide control panel on top. 

“Oh fuck”

“Peter! Don’t swear!”

“Sorry. That’s so weird; I thought it was all just regular machiney stuff there. Wow... Well, it explains why I never noticed there was fourth way up here”

“Well, now you know. Now get yourself down the slide”

“You can go first”

Tony gave him a look. “I’m not sure I trust you not to run back into the caves when I’m halfway down. After you”

“I can’t believe you don’t trust me” Peter said, pretending to be hurt. “Alright, I’ll go first. See you at the bottom”

-

“I always find this a bit surreal” Peter said when Tony splashed into the front pool with him. “This bit is like any other pool. Just by looking, you can’t tell there’s so much going on back there”

“It does feel a bit like returning from another world” Tony said. “I sometimes think we need to use this more. But I guess life gets in the way”

“Yeah...”

“Alright, come on: shower time”

Peter felt pretty exhausted, but happy too, so he didn’t protest. The changing rooms and showers were just like any public swimming pool, which he pointed out.

“Why did you get these showers?” Peter asked, pressing the button again. “When you press the button they only run for about thirty seconds. These have to be the most stressful showers you can have”

Tony laughed. “No, stressful is that shower in the green bathroom that genuinely only has a one millimetre margin between boiling, just right, and freezing”

“Good job no one uses that one then” Peter said. “Hey, that’s my shower gel!”

“Well forgive me for not bringing my own down” Tony smiled. “As for your question, you’re not allowed to complain about these showers: they’re authentic and they do the job”

Peter giggled. “Whatever you say”

After they’d showered they went to get changed.

“Why do you always just put your clothes in a heap down here? Don’t they teach you anything at that expensive school?” Tony sighed. “I put pegs and towel racks down here for a reason, you know”

“Stop fussing. I’ll hang them up next time, ok?”

“You’d better do!” Tony shook his head. “Don’t be too long getting dressed, ok? We need to get you fed before we go”

Peter nodded and sauntered into his favoured cubicle. After that excursion, he was definitely ready for his lunch.

-

Peter had his lunch quite happily, and then promptly fell asleep on the sofa in the living room. 

“Aww, he’s asleep!” Tony said. “I don’t want to wake him up”

“Well, if you fancy trying to get a coat and shoes on a sleeping teenager, and then carrying him down to the car, then that’s your prerogative” Loki said, pulling his own coat and shoes on. “We do need to get going soon”

“Yeah, I know” Tony sat down next to Peter and gave him a little shake.

Peter didn’t seem too annoyed about being woken up. 

“Hey kiddo” Tony said. “You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok” Peter said, sitting up properly and rubbing his eyes. “Are we going now?”

“Soon, yeah” Tony said. “You should go and get your shoes and coat”

Peter nodded. “Ok”

“Good boy” Tony kissed him on the cheek. “Go on then. Don’t take too long”

Once Peter was out of the room, Tony noticed that Loki was watching him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing”

“Don’t you ‘nothing’ me! What is it?”

“I was just watching you together” Loki said. “You’re so cute sometimes”

“Well, what can I say? He’s such a good little kid. I love him”

“I know” Loki smiled. “Any plans for when we get back?”

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna go and mess about in the pool for a bit. Would you believe there’s bits he hasn’t discovered yet? It’ll be fun. And then maybe I’ll get on to Marco about releasing a statement saying that we’ve done a DNA test and proved I’m not the natural father or whatever. I don’t know; depends how long we’re downstairs for” Tony said, wandering off in his thoughts for a moment. “...You could join us?”

“I think I’ll leave you two to it. I think it’s a good idea, especially since you’ve had quite a few arguments lately... It’s good to see you’re back to normal now”

“Mm. Thanks”

“It’s meant as a compliment, darling”

“I know” Tony stood up. “Well! I’m gonna be the one holding all of us up if I don’t go and get my stuff on! Time to get a move on”

-

Loki offered to drive, but Tony said it’d help calm his nerves if he had the road to focus on.

“I don’t get why I’m so nervous” Peter said, lounging in the back seat. “It’s not like we don’t know what Dr Manning’s gonna say”

“I know, chick” Tony said. “I’m mega nervous too! You know how it is, like, when your heart starts going and you feel hot and cold at the same time, and slightly shaky and slightly hollow all over?”

“That’s how I feel too” Peter said.

“It’s probably just because you know it’s a doctors surgery” Loki said calmly. “It’ll be over before you know it”

“I know, but that doesn’t help my nerves now” Peter said.

Tony reached back, squeezing Peter’s knee. “You’re alright, kiddo. You’ve got both of us with you. And like you said; it’s not like we don’t know what to expect”

-

Peter cuddled up close to Tony in the waiting room. Tony held him tight, stroking his hair and kissing his face and talking quietly to him. Loki leant against Tony’s shoulder on the other side and went through his messages while they were waiting to be called in.

“Can we go and get a takeaway after this?” Peter asked.

“Ooh, maybe. Depends if you’re good or not” Tony teased. “What do you fancy?”

“I don’t really know” Peter said. “I just want something hot and greasy and potentially bad for me”

Tony laughed slightly. “Good job we live in America then, fella! We’ll find you something suitably delicious and hot and unhealthy” he lowered his voice slightly. “Something daddy will totally disapprove of!”

“I heard that” Loki said.

Tony and Peter just laughed. A door opened.

“Misters and Master Stark?”

“Oop, that’s us” Tony said, giving Peter a little pat and standing up.

He took a deep breath. Those blasted nerves! Ah well. It would all be over soon.

-

“You know, you could have just given us the results over the phone or through an email” Tony said as they sat down in Dr Manning’s office.

“I thought it best I see you all face to face” Dr Manning said, sitting down behind his desk. “How are you today?”

“Good” Tony said, giving Peter’s hand a squeeze. “Well, we’re all a bit nervous, I think. Appointments always get my nerves going a bit, even when I know what to expect”

Dr Manning looked at the three of them: Peter in the middle, with Loki to his left and Tony to his right. Despite their fairly obvious nerves and the pressure they’d been under lately, they looked very much the picture of a happy family. Just the same as usual.

“Well, you know why you’re here” Dr Manning said, shuffling the papers on his desk. “Of course, a few days ago we took samples for a paternity test, and we’ve had to results back”

“A little sooner than expected, I must say” Loki said.

“Well, it is nearer the minimum day to the maximum, I admit”

“I didn’t realise they’d work over weekends” Loki said.

“Hey, hey, as much as I love the friendly atmosphere, can we not beat about the bush all day?” Tony said, not unkindly. “We all know why we’re here; we know what we did; we know Peter’s not my- uh, flesh and blood - so let’s just look at the proving papers, and then we can get the papers off our backs, ok?”

There was a small silence. Dr Manning picked up a letter and unfolded it. He held it out to Tony.

“You should read this”

Tony smiled slightly and shrugged. He reached forwards and took the paper from him. He cleared his throat and looked at the letter.

...An analysis of the DNA profiles of Anthony Edward Stark and Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark determines that the alleged father cannot be excluded as the biological father of the tested child. Based on the analysis, the probability of paternity is 99.99999999%.

Conclusion: Based on our analysis, it is practically proven that Mr. Anthony Stark is the biological father of the child Peter Parker-Stark...

As he read, Tony’s face fell. All of a sudden he felt hot, but as though he was breaking out in a cold sweat. He read through the letter again, and then flipped to the next page, looking at the DNA Paternity Test Report, scanning the first row: Mother (Not Tested), Child, Alleged Father; glancing at the numbers, and finding the conclusion at the bottom:

Statement of Results: The alleged father cannot be excluded as the biological father of the tested child. Based on the analysis of STR loci listed above, the probability of paternity is 99.99999999%. In conclusion, the alleged father IS the biological father of the tested child.

“Dad?”

Tony slowly raised his head and looked at Peter, almost staring at him, not knowing what to think, what to feel.

“Dad? Are you ok?”

“Tony, what’s the matter?” Loki said, recognising the look on his husbands face.

When Tony looked at him but didn’t say anything, Loki reached across and snatched the letter.

“Well, thanks doc, I’m gonna go and wait outside” Tony gabbled, hoarsely, and he stood up and rushed out of the office.

“Dad!?” 

Peter wanted to run after him, but Loki put a hand out to stop him. Peter looked at Dr Manning, who was a blank-faced as a statue, and then he looked at Loki. Loki read through the letter again.

“Daddy, what is it?” Peter asked desperately, starting to feel seriously strange and shaky inside.

Loki looked at Peter, the expression on his face a toned-down version of the one Tony had had. Loki opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it without a word. Peter glanced at the letter Loki held, which was flipped to the second page. Peter grabbed it, and nobody stopped him from doing so.

He glanced at the table, but focused on the box near the bottom.

...Based on the analysis of STR loci listed above, the probability of paternity is 99.99999999%. In conclusion, the alleged father IS the biological father of the tested child.

Peter turned the page back and read the letter on the front. He looked at it in silence for a minute or two, not sure what to think, what to feel. He slowly set the letter down on Dr Manning’s desk.

“I’m sure you can understand why I wanted to see you all in person” Dr Manning said gently. “I understand this is a shock for you. Tony especially, considering... Well”

“A small part of me would love to dispute this” Loki said slowly. “But I understand how these tests work, and... I think perhaps I’m not so surprised as I should be”

Peter shot him a very uncertain look, but quickly looked away. Even without looking at the letter, he could still see those vital words before his eyes: The alleged father IS the biological father of the tested child.  His brain didn’t seem to be working properly. How was he supposed to feel about this? How was he supposed to react? What did this mean, exactly? He wasn’t entirely sure how to work it out. Not on his own, anyway...

“...I want dad”

Loki took Peter’s hand, giving it a squeeze and kissing the back of it.

“Perhaps we should see each other again in a few days” Dr Manning said. “Once you’ve all had some time to adjust to this”

“Perhaps that’s a good idea... I take it we can keep that” he said, nodding toward the letter on the desk.

“Of course” 

Dr Manning folded the letter and handed it to Loki, who put it carefully in his pocket. He had a feeling the rest of the day wasn’t going to be plain sailing.

-

Tony was waiting by the car, and he was looking somehow blank, worried and shocked all at the same time. 

“Dad!” Peter rushed over to him. “Dad, what-”

Loki took him by the shoulders and moved him back. 

“Hey! Dad, c-”

Loki shushed him. Tony wouldn’t look at either of them; just turned his head away, biting his thumb.

“Peter, get in the car”

“But-!”

“Don’t argue; just do as you’re told”

Peter didn’t look happy, but he sensed this wasn’t the time to argue, so he did as he was told. Once the car door was closed, Tony looked at Loki. 

“You’re shaking” Loki said simply. 

Tony shook his head. “...This isn’t happening”

“It is, and it has, and we know it” Loki said gently. “We just need a little time to get used to this new development. You especially”

Tony swallowed, trying hard not to give in and cry. “I don’t know what to do-!”

“You don’t have to do anything” Loki said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “There’s nothing to do, and certainly nothing you can do. It is what it is”

“What about now?! What am I supposed to do now?!”

“Stay calm, for a start” Loki said. “Shh, come on. Don’t shout at me for saying this, but you’re ok”

Tony didn’t say anything, but he put his hand over Loki’s on his shoulder.

“We should be getting home”

“I can’t” Tony whispered. “I can’t drive, not after...”

“Darling, you-”

“You drive!” Tony grabbed his keys and pressed them into Loki’s hand. “Please. Please, you-... Please. I can’t. I can’t”

Loki searched Tony’s face. He sighed and nodded. 

“Ok”

-

The journey home was far from comfortable. Peter knew speaking wouldn’t be a good idea, so he curled up on the back seat and pretended to be somewhere else. Tony sat in the front, staring into space and biting his thumb and trying not to give in to tears. Loki focused on the road. Whatever he was feeling, he knew it was painfully obvious who was in the worst state right now. And he knew who was going to need the most looking after - and it wasn’t the same person.

*

[liketolaugh-writes]

Skeletons Rattle in the Dark

Author: liketolaugh Summary: The doll was stained in blood both red and blue; decades of wear had faded much of the color from its surface. To anyone else, it was unsettling, even scary, cursed or haunted. But Connor, falling apart under the weight of sins both his and not, couldn’t bring himself to put it down for more than a few minutes at a time.

After Markus made his speech to the crowd of newly-freed androids, Connor slipped away into a corner where he can hide until night fell.

It wasn’t the final straw, what Amanda had done. In some ways it had felt like karma, or catharsis, like a horror he had earned and deserved even as he fought it so desperately – so it didn’t hurt as much as Connor felt it should have (though it hurt quite a lot.) Actually, Connor would be hard-pressed to say what had been the final straw, the event that pushed him past the point of tolerance into a keening void of black emotion.

Was it when Lieutenant Anderson had held a gun to his head and asked him if he was afraid to die, and Connor had said no because that was the answer Amanda would have wanted?

Was it the third death, when the task of crawling across the floor had seemed insurmountable and he just closed his eyes to wait?

Was it when Elijah Kamski had pushed a gun into his hands and whispered for him to destroy the machine in front of him, and he had obeyed despite the ringing emptiness of death that echoed behind his eyes?

Was it when he looked Markus in the eyes and finally allowed himself to understand that everything he’d worked so hard for was wrong?

The answer was out of Connor’s reach, and in the end it didn’t matter at all – by the time he opened his eyes on the stage again and put the gun in his pocket, he was drowning and he knew he couldn’t stay. The few hours left of the day passed in a blur, and people passed his hiding place by without a second glance. It wasn’t until long after darkness fell that Connor dared come out, wandering the abandoned streets in numb search of a place to go.

He couldn’t stay here.

Connor walked, and it wasn’t fast enough so he jogged, and then he was running, taking turns at random as if to lose himself in the streets despite the GPS in his HUD that kept careful track of every step he took.

It was close to one edge of the city that he slowed from a run to a jog to a slow, listless walk, feeling no better than when he’d started. His mood got darker with every step, a tired and raw anxiety wrapping around his shoulders. He didn’t trip only because the motion protocols were mindless, calculated in a distant part of his mind, but his walk got slower and slower until he stopped, overwhelmed by the prospect of going a single step further.

He looked down. A few feet in front of him, there was a little doll, clearly old and used – rain-soaked, stained, worn from the years. One of the printed-on eyes had had most of the color rubbed away. A little bottle patterned with flowers sat about six inches away.

It was stained with thirium, like much of the street nearby. If there was a body – a YK model, maybe – that the doll had belonged to, it had been cleared away. Connor let his legs fold to kneel down beside it, hands pressing flat to the ground, and his choking misery threatened to swallow him up again. His body heaved and shivered, his shoulders bent under a nonexistent weight, and for a while he stared silently at the doll. There were brown stains peeking out from the back of it – blood, more likely than not, and very old blood at that.

[2005 Kinder Garden Babies doll, violet]

What was he going to do? Where could he go? Lieutenant Anderson, who looked at him with such disgust, wouldn’t look twice at him – the police department, eying him warily, certainly wouldn’t either. Jericho, which he’d harmed so horribly, would be quite right to cast him out, and the names just piled up – the Tracis, the Chloe, Ralph and Rupert and the HK400 who hadn’t had a name at all-

And now Amanda among them, and Connor was alone.

Before he could think twice about it, his hands scooped up the doll, smaller than a true infant and just big enough to comfortably hold in two hands, and he squeezed it to his chest. His next breath came in a gasp, and he choked on the one after. The third came close to a wheeze.

The fourth wrenched itself up in a sob, and tears, saline cleaning solution, started to spill down his cheeks, with no rain to mask them, only the soft dark of a city night. He clung to the abandoned doll like he’d forgotten how to let go, like if he did he’d lose himself and fall, and it didn’t matter if it was true because he wasn’t letting go. He stayed in place and rocked himself and cried, wept and sobbed and surrendered to the tempest that had dragged at him for days.

Connor stayed there until the light of dawn started to lighten the sky above, and while the tears had stopped by then the shaking hadn’t, nor had he loosened from his tightly curled posture, wrapped around the doll in search of comfort he didn’t deserve and no one else would provide.

But with the dawn would come the first stirrings of civilization, calmed down for only a night by the terror of the revolution, and Connor couldn’t stay.

He took the doll with him. Tucked her bottle into his pocket and her body against his chest, and walked away, hurried but not frantic, not desperate. The one to whom she had previously belonged had no need of her anymore (YK500 #548 901 257, designation: Sadie) and he couldn’t bring himself to put her down. It was silly, it was irrational, but he felt so lost and having something to hold, to stroke and neaten, helped ground him.

Connor held on only long enough to make his way into a condemned parking garage, to find an alcove to tuck himself into and set the doll in his lap, and he pushed himself into stasis because he suddenly found he couldn’t stand to be awake for one moment longer.

He dreamed of falling, not from a fifty story building but into an abyss that never ended, knowing that he wouldn’t be alive to feel himself hit the ground.

------------

“I know that my memory ends before I truly die,” Connor murmured to the doll, to Venus in her little stained purple outfit emblazoned with a brand name that had long become too worn to read. “But I cannot help but feel like the silence between upload and reactivation is too… dense. There is no life after death, Venus, at least not for androids. There’s nothing but emptiness waiting for us.”

He had shifted locations three times in the last week, not wanting to stay in one place more than a few days. No one would look for him, except perhaps to kill him in vengeance, but he did not want to invoke curiosity by becoming a staple anywhere either. He had taken Venus with him every time, her bottle in the crook of her arm or in his pocket, and her face tucked against his chest.

She appeared to have no mechanical parts, but despite this hindrance she often moved in the night and sometimes when he simply turned around for a few moments. Connor found he didn’t mind. That was, apparently, just Venus’ nature.

Connor exhaled, letting his forehead fall against that of the little doll and his eyes close. “Is that what I sentenced Chloe to, Venus? Did I sentence her to a null eternity?” He huffed softly. “I suppose that’s a contradiction, of sorts, but I can’t bring myself to abandon the thought. Or did Kamski reupload her? Perhaps she dreams of the emptiness too.”

The blood staining her clothing had been rubbed and worn beyond crunching under his touch like a near-fresh stain, and testing had not revealed any known DNA profile. Likely she was too old for that. Her ‘model’ was, after all, thirty-three years old. The bloodstains probably predated androids as a people, let along Connor himself.

There are no dreams, Connor. There is only… the imprint of your own memories.

Venus’ voice came in a whisper, barely on the edge of even Connor’s exceptional hearing, and he found that this didn’t bother him either. Not only was it not the first time he’d heard a voice attributable to Venus, but he simply… didn’t have the energy to mind.

Venus was the only one he’d spoken to in the last week, and the only one he planned to speak to for a very long time yet.

“I know,” he whispered against her forehead. “I know.”

Shh. It’s okay to cry. I won’t tell.

Connor did, not the wracking sobs of the first night but silent and trailing tears.

“Lieutenant Anderson wanted to send me there,” he breathed through the static rasp of his vocal module. “I can’t help but think that he knew. I deserve it now, and I deserved it even more then, but it still feels… Lieutenant Anderson and I are not friends, but I still can’t bring myself to reconcile that night with his behavior at large.” Pause. “Perhaps he thinks of it as a relief. He wants so badly to go there himself.”

A few moments of silence, and Connor breathed, deep and shuddering, leaning on the concrete wall blocking off the roof’s edge, under the cover of the witching hour.

Eventually, he lifted his head, and released Venus with one hand to wipe the tears away from his face. His Cyberlife jacket was long gone, replaced by a hoodie he’d scrounged up from somewhere, too big and unmarked. His LED blinked miserable yellow, in plain sight.

Some people do, Venus whispered. Coleen did. Now I make other people want to, like her family made her.

“I suppose I couldn’t hurt anybody there,” Connor murmured, unfocused eyes gazing down at Venus’, which stared back up at him, blank and worn pale, lips pursed in the faintest of innocent smiles. “That would be a relief all on its own. I would never hurt anybody ever again.” He hesitated, but this was Venus, and if he didn’t speak the thought would swallow him. “And nobody could hurt me.”

Not you, Venus said, breathy and soft. You’re not like them. You’re a cursed doll, like me.

“Oh,” Connor breathed, and he pulled Venus to his chest, cradled careful and kind. “That’s alright then.”

His tired gaze stared out over the city from the parking garage rooftop where he stood. He found he wasn’t as frightened of heights as he had been once.

-------------

Connor washed Venus eventually, as gentle as his well-calibrated hands could manage, soap and water in a public bathroom. The very oldest stains, the old blood soaked into her back, didn’t wash away, but years of dirt and dust turned the water grey and swirled down the drain. It didn’t brighten her outfit to a new color, but it was a faded pastel lavender that Connor had learned to find more comforting than almost anything else in the world.

He patted her dry with the paper towels, ignored the humans that edged around him, and sighed softly when not all of the moisture came up so easily.

“I could set you in the sun for a while,” Connor murmured, lifting her and setting her in the crook of his elbow, body half turned in to his. He set the bottle against her wrist and it did not fall, and then straightened her crooked cap. “That would likely dry away the last of the moisture before you mildewed; the sun is bright today.”

Venus did not reply, but Connor nodded anyway, stepping outside and slipping away from the slight crowds and into darker, more remote alleyways with all the haste he could manage.

He’d been on his own for months now; spring was in full swing, and much of the rain had petered off, along with almost all of the snow. That was much of why he had chosen to wash Venus today – the weather was near-optimal for helping her dry.

“I could have waited until summer, and this part would have been easier,” he said to her, quiet, “but then you would have been dirty for much longer, and I’m certain that can’t be pleasant.”

He’d found a decommissioned ship to stay in for that week, not too terribly far from where Jericho had been, but not so close that it seemed disrespectful either. Finding places to stay had become easier as the habit developed, and soon he would be able to reuse old locations without arousing fresh suspicion.

Connor still avoided people as much as he could – androids more than humans, but humans still as much as he feasibly could. He felt- anxious, unwelcome, wary around others.

Fortunately, others felt wary around him as well. Or more specifically, around Venus.

He found a sunny spot within the rusty ship and Venus down carefully. “There. That should do.”

Thank you, Venus breathed. I haven’t been clean in so long.

Connor smiled faintly, reaching out to brush his fingers over the violet cap. “Of course. It’s the very least I could do.” He tilted his head back, looking at the sky. “I’ve never seen a spring before. It’s… nice, to see the flowers bloom.” He swallowed. “Except the roses. I don’t know why, but the roses make me feel ill.” He glanced at Venus. “I’m an android. I don’t get ill.”

I have seen many springs, Venus whispered to him. They always bring a new year.

“I don’t need a new year,” Connor said before he could think better of it. “All I need is… is this. I’m okay if it stays like this forever.” The thought of before made his breath catch, and the thought of what may lay ahead made him shiver.

You’ll get one anyway, Venus said. But you can make it the same if you want.

“I do,” Connor said fervently. “I’d mess up anything else I tried. I always have.”

Venus did not reply, and Connor fell silent, hunched down on himself again, and watched the progress of evaporating moisture instead. He already wanted to pick up and hold Venus again, but he wanted to make sure she dried properly first.

He didn’t want her to wear down any more than he could prevent. He didn’t know what he’d do if she fell apart.

----------

Between his own capabilities and Venus’ own, Connor made it clear from November to June before encountering anyone he knew. But Markus, it turned out, was made of stronger stuff than that.

Connor woke up to rabbit heartbeat pounding in his chest, eyes already wide before he understood what was happening; a stranger had entered the condemned apartment complex where he’d spent the last week, and as he sat up, he met their eyes.

Markus stared back, rigid and understandably wary, but standing steady in his place with his hand clenched tight around the doorframe.

Connor pushed himself carefully back, just half a foot, without pausing to think about it. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. His hand found Venus, always within easy reach, and he pulled her tight against himself, internal ventilation kicking up a notch as if already threatening to overheat. He didn’t stand.

Markus’ eyes flicked briefly to the doll, and then settled on Connor again, noticeably dimmer, as if sad despite the tension that still wracked his frame.

“Connor,” Markus said, soft and gentle, the way one spoke to an injured animal. And then, impossibly, he smiled, more reassuring than happy but a surprise either way. Connor stared at him. “You’re a hard man to find.”

He slid in, slow and easy to follow with no sudden movements, but Connor scooted a little farther away anyway, eyes wide. Markus lowered himself to the ground, crouching but not sitting, and didn’t let his smile fall.

“Lieutenant Anderson has been asking after you,” Markus continued, quiet. “He seems to think you’ll show up in Jericho sooner or later. Whether or not you do is up to you, of course.”

Connor took a breath, short and sharp. The hand still on the ground came up to cradle the back of Venus’ head, holding her tighter against himself, and he knew it made him look a little deranged but he felt slightly deranged, so it was fine.

Markus’ voice became, impossibly, softer. “Your absence has been noted, I should say. Those you brought from Cyberlife Tower, in particular, have missed you. I’m sure they would welcome your company, and perhaps your guidance, should you offer.”

Perhaps involuntarily, Markus’ gaze flickered around the room – the worn walls, the recently rearranged furniture. It was a temporary dwelling, for Connor, and it showed. Markus frowned, and Connor’s rusty social routines said, worry.

“And I have been curious as well,” Markus added. “I know you weren’t yourself as a machine, Connor – no one is. It isn’t fair that you’re being blamed for the sins you couldn’t help.”

Connor shuddered quietly, and spoke for the first time. “It was never about what was fair.”

Markus paused, visibly surprised, and met Connor’s eyes.

“I suppose not,” Markus agreed after a moment. “Still, I’m sorry you had to suffer for it.”

Connor shrugged. Markus hardly knew the whole of it, anyway.

Markus smiled at him, small and strained. “Will you at least consider coming by, Connor? I’d consider it a personal favor – I’ve been worried, I must admit.”

His dual-toned eyes were too intense. He seemed sincere.

Connor hesitated, and then slowly moved to sit cross-legged, set Venus in his lap and looked at her because he couldn’t bear to look at Markus for a moment longer.

“I don’t know if I should,” he murmured to Venus, knowing Markus could hear him but unable to keep himself from speaking anyway. “I’m not welcome in Jericho, nor should I be – my sins as a machine can’t be wiped away by simple time, and they’ll be afraid and they won’t be wrong.” He paused. “But perhaps I can help, if I really try. If they want me to. Don’t I owe them that?”

Venus did not reply; she never did around others. Regardless, Connor knew what her response would be. This was Connor’s choice alone – Venus went where she was taken.

He picked Venus up again, tucked her against his chest behind crossed arms, and looked at Markus, who watched him expectantly, a faint furrow in his brow.

“Did Lieutenant Anderson really ask after me?”

[alexben10blog]

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Breaking news

A fire in the suburbs leaves home to its foundations. It has been confirmed of the family of three who lived there, two have died and the son of the couple is missing.

You are asked if you have information about the boy, notify the authorities immediately.

.

.

.

“He was getting better”. The teacher thinks as she reads the news in the morning paper. It was on the first page with large letters and a semi-censored photo. Bellwood was a small city; everyone knew who was spoken of when they mentioned the family only by last name.

The Tennyson family. How? When? And most importantly, why?

Ben was improving, his last jobs were going well. Everything seemed normal with him. Same attitude, just a different approach in your work. She had seen it only yesterday! Sitting in his usual seat doing a joke in bad taste!

The classroom filled while she continued in her musings. All seats occupied except one.

―Since it is the last day of school, I think we can exhaust the work and spend a recreational time. ― The children howled excitedly. Saving the newspaper, she sat at his desk contemplating the empty seat in the middle.

.

.

.

Kevin was walking the streets of Bellwood. Yes, at that point he should have left the city, but he had stayed for the tranquility of the city. Of course it was not because of the boy who had helped him. Of course not.

“That will be ridiculous”. With his hands tucked in his pockets, he stepped in front of a television store when the news channel caught his attention. He paid half attention to what the T.V. said until the image of a familiar face was shown.

-Ben ... - Missing? His dead parents? No traces of the culprit. Nor where Ben could be from. His first thought was the robots that had attacked them. The boy was obviously in a big problem, but he did not want to go deeper than necessary. He simply gave him a phone with a promise now empty.

"Dead, I'm sure he's dead." Kevin stumbled backwards crashing into a man who saw the same news.

―An unfair universe Do not you think? He was just a boy. ― The tall man with the padlocked beard did not see him when he spoke about the news, his eyes glued to the screens. Kevin returned his sight to the screens before nodding. ― Did you know him? ―

―Something like that. I just know he don´t deserve this. ―

―A lot of people don´t deserve a faith so cruel, but are creatures who doesn´t care the destruction leave in its path. ― All his attention it was now in the tall man who looked back.

―Why I feel you know more than the news? ― He suspicions glaze concentrate in the man with the enigmatic smile, “Who is him?”

―Maybe because I knew more than you imagine. ― He start to walk an away to Kevin. ― If you want to know more, you can come with me and find out. ―

Kevin thought for a moment. “It was just a good person”. Kevin start to follow the man until he was side him.

―Kevin Levin. ―

―Nice to meet your agent Levin, my name is Servantis. ―

.

.

.

They television screen was black for some time. When the news began to pass the photos they had on the scene of the crime her mother had covered his eyes, something useless since she ended up seeing everything, and her father turned off the TV as fast as he could, again useless. Both adults mobilized, called the authorities, their grandfather, anyone who could help them understand what had happened or find a culprit.

Gwen simply stood still, sitting in her place in the lounge chair. Paralyzed, in shock. She saw it yesterday. Her favorite uncles, her cousin's fool. It was only yesterday. She hopes something, perhaps that her uncles would enter the door of her house saying that the news was false, followed by Ben who began to mock her for believing that.

Nothing happened. The sounds around her grew numb, tears came down from her eyes. She was not going to see him again; she was not going to call him a fool again. They were not going to go that trip with their grandfather. She was not going to bother him again. They were not going to share birthdays again. Why?

Because Ben is dead

Her mind was lost; she was not truly conscious around her. In the chaos that her mind reflected to the outside world.

Frank went to see his daughter finding her levitating on the sofa with a pink glow around her body and lights coming out of her eyes while screaming in pain, throwing slings of power that destroyed the entire room. Undoing and doing everything over her will.

― Gwen! ― His scream alerted his wife and his father, who arrived recently. He never thought that his daughter could inherit his mother's powers.

They tried to calm her down, but they could not even get close to her without their energy driving them away. So much power and so little control. Not that they could blame her. Frank felt a familiar presence enter his house, a little before a trail of calm pink light came down from the ceiling and approached his daughter.

With a touch to Gwen's temple, the energy that came out of it began to fade until it was completely absent. He approached his mother in an anodic way that had her granddaughter passed out in her arms.

Everyone exhaled in horror at the sight of Gwen's face, above and below her left eye was a lightning-shaped wound that shone brightly pink.

A rupture of his humanity.

.

.

.

Plumbers Report # 1324. Case of the Tennyson family.

After reviewing the area indicated by the anonymous, which is still being searched, the tests show alien technology. Specifically, from the conqueror Vilgax. No trace of him is found, beyond DNA tests (Blood).

Dead:

Carl Tennyson

Sandra Tennyson

Missing:

Benjamin Tennyson

Vilgax The conqueror

Notes:

Destroyed pieces of what appears to be Galván technology were found.

It was little, almost nothing. And that only made him angry even more. Max wrinkled the sheet in his hand, throwing it away from his sight. His son and his daughter-in-law, dead. And his dear Ben disappeared. Will Vilgax have taken it? Was he dead or in space? Why did this happen?

Many questions filled his head and none of them found an answer. Furious tears fell from his eyes as he knelt on the floor of his camper, he does not know how long he cries before felt the arms of his ex-wife surrounding him in a hug.

So long lying, so long wanting to protect his family from his work. For nothing. If hiding it did not save them from the dangers of space, perhaps training them was the solution.

.

.

.

 He felt pain. A lot of pain throughout his body. Like a flare of fire that slowly destroyed him, burning every part of his being. And then relief, gradually everything was disappearing the pain that previously killed him now was leaving him free.

He did not know how long his eyes were closed, maybe too much, because when he opened them he had to close them again because of the few lights that were incandescent for him.

― Don't move much, Benjamin. ― A voice, small but soft. Old, but known. Fill his senses giving him a feeling of being safe. ―The damage you did to your imprudence is almost healed. It will not be the same as before, but you will survive. ―

His dry throat cried out for water in the form of a cough, a hand he did not recognize raised his head carefully as brought a glass of water to his lips. He drank what he could without choking.

― How you feel? ― This time he opened his eyes carefully focusing on the little being. Familiar and distant at the same time.

― I been better. ―

― Obviously. How it occurred to you to take the omnitrix despite my warnings goes beyond my knowledge. ―

―Omnitrix ... ― That sounded familiar, he just could not put his finger on why. ― You're the omnitrix? ―

Azmuth stared at him for a second without expression, even though inside he was mortified. “Of course, how could I expect that cell damage would not affect his memory. Although this could be a good thing.”

Azmuth ran his hand over Ben's head, instinctively reaching out for comfort.

― I have a lot to explain to you, Benjamin. But for now you have to rest. ― The boy nodded before entering the arms of Morpheus. Azmuth gave him one last look before leaving the medical room with Mayx following him.

― Then, when are you going to return to earth? ―

―I'm not going to do it. ―  Mayx opened her eyes in surprise before smiling shamelessly.

― Don't take you for a kidnapper or the fatherly type. ― Azmuth did not answer simply kept walking in his main lab. With the arrangements of the omnitrix there was, to put it in some way, healed Ben. Although now all his life will have to have the omnitrix stuck to his wrist. ― Exactly, what will you do with him? ―

― What do you care? ―

― I´m curious, not every day you see the all knowledge Azmuth careen for someone beside him. ―

―If you are so interesting, he will stay here we me. Him and the omnitrix will be save for all the creatures of the universe. ― He “great” invent cause all this disaster. All this damage, if just can destroyed. But for now it the only thing keeps alive Ben.

Benjamin, the boy who give everything to save something it was worthless.

―That sound like a father will said. ― Azmuth give her a dirty glaze before back in his things. He has to fortify the defense and put camouflage fields.

―If you don´t have anything to do here, I suggestion to leave. Your services for the omnitrix are not necessary. ― Mayx thing about for a minute looking this Azmuth who are transformer, if he knew or not it was irreverent. She wants to see how all this will develop.

―I think I will stay, maybe help you with that defense. ―

―Do want you want. ―

_______________________________________________________________

Hello guys, girls, and non-binaries! As you can see this is the last chapter, but I will leave a space for questions you want to ask me. Things you did not understand, points that you found intersting, or just comments can do it in this section that I will answer. So leave your opinions and have fun.

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Star Wars Wednesday

based on an older Star Wars post of mine I saw the other day, involving humorous parentage theories

At first, Luke barely noticed when Rey and Finn brought armloads of datapads into the cabin, murmuring to each other. He’d long since learned to tune out that kind of distraction while meditating. When the Tico sisters showed up not long after, helping carry in what looked like a crate of something, it did get a little harder to concentrate, but Luke did not open his eyes. When Connix and the Dameron boy -- good grief, he wasn’t a boy anymore, was he? That meant Luke had gotten old when he wasn’t looking! Oh no no, that wouldn’t do at all -- came thumping in with his noisy little BB-8 unit at his heels, Luke gave up.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t tune them out, it was just that now he was too curious to.

“Alright, gang, what’s going on in here?” he asked, opening on eye.

“Ah! Master Luke, sorry!” Rey yelped, “We figured you wouldn’t hear us.”

“I figured you would.”

“Okay, Finn figured you would.”

Luke stood up with a groan and made his way across the room to look at the sprawl of datapads, some quite old, a few very obviously borrowed from Leia, and raised his eyebrows. “So what’s all this about, huh?”

It was Finn who answered, as he and Rey had been around Luke long enough to not be as starstruck as say, Rose, Kaydel-ko, and Paige currently were. (”That’s the guy who shot down the Death Star! How can I not be starstruck?!”)

“Well, Han said...y’know, he, well he suggested I do some digging when I got the chance, when things calmed down. Look into where I came from. I got a DNA test done in sick bay and we’re trying to see if I have any family left from before the First Order kidnapped me.” Finn scratched the back of his neck and flicked through another few pages. “There’s been a lot of results, most of them only two or three percent matches, though. So far the closest match is some people out on Garel, and somebody who used to live on Lothal. I’m just hoping for someone alive, honestly.”

With a sympathetic noise, Poe set a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Hey, we’re gonna find somebody. And in the meantime, we’ll always have your back.”

“Y’know, until Calrissian decides once and for all to kidnap him and make him the heir of his empire of fancy clothes,” Kaydel-ko chirped. She stood and brushed off her trousers, having really only come in to help carry datapads. “I’ve got to get back to the General. Let me know if you come up with any new stuff on Rey?”

“Yeah,” Poe waved her off with a grin, “Will do.”

Now Luke was a little confused. “Hold on, weren’t you looking for information on Finn?”

Finn blinked. “Oh, we are, it’s just that we had the idea to test Rey too, while we’re at it.”

Rey nodded. “Despite Kylo’s...interesting....theory, I’d rather have real evidence. I don’t know if I’m looking for them, exactly, I just sort of want to know who they were. So far the results have been all over the place.”

Paige pointed to a stack of datapads on the left. “Those are all Finn’s.” She pointed to the right, where there were two or three. “Those are what we know about Rey.”  Then she tapped the box. “And these are associations with the few names we came up with.”

“Don’t get mad,” Rey began, which was almost never a good sign, “But we ended up researching you and General Organa, too.”

“...why?” Luke asked, genuinely curious, “Our parentage is sort of out there for the galaxy to see, these days. When your father spends the majority of your life as a Sith Lord and an evil emperor’s personal executioner, people tend to remember that.”

“Well yes,” Finn said, “But you have more relatives than him.”

That was true. And Luke had looked into that once, he’d even had a distant second cousin from his mother’s side train under him briefly before returning to Naboo. Did Rey have family on Naboo? That would be interesting. And it would certainly beg the question of why anyone from a watery planet like that would pick Jakku of all places.

“So here’s what we found.” Rey pulled one of the pads out of the box and opened it to show a slightly gap-filled genealogy page. “About three generations before you, there were records of a Skywalker family that were traveling traders. There were...maybe two different branches of them, it looks like, but they all sort of split off into different directions. The last recorded ones are some people named Nat and Kes Skywalker, and their daughter Shmi. It’s sort of blank for a while after that.”

Luke looked startled. “Shmi was my grandmother’s name,” he said after a moment. 

With an exclamation of surprised triumph, Rey drew a line with a stylus, connecting the name “Shmi” to the name “Anakin”. That cleared some things up, but there was still a lot missing. “I guess we know your great-grandparents’ names now,” she remarked. “We’ve found some people with genetic matches suggesting they might be related to that other branch of the family, and here’s where it gets weird.”

"It’s Skywalkers. “Weird” is kind of implied,” Luke shrugged. “I’m just surprised there were more of us.”

“Well that’s the thing,” Poe cut in, scratching his head, “We’ve gotten to a point where the record keeping for lower-income families in that sector of space was spotty. So we don’t know whether some of these people actually were Skywalkers, or if they just caused so much mayhem that they were just assumed to be Skywalkers.”

“Oh, here’s where I overlap!” Rey suddenly bounced in her seat, digging another pad from the pile. “I don’t know how close the relation is yet, but I’m connected to one of the names on the genealogy General Organa gave us!”

She pointed to the name Whitesun on a list, connected by a line suggesting cousins to the name Beru Whitesun Lars. “She said that was your aunt?”

Luke rocked back on his heels. “Oh yeah, there were a ton of Whitesuns in the Anchorhead area. Huh. I guess some of them did get off Tatooine eventually. Good for them.”

“That’s such a pretty name,” Rose commented. “Beru Whitesun. I like it. Rey Whitesun sounds nice, too.”

“Well,” Rey shrugged. “We’ll keep looking. Like Finn said about that one Lothal name, I’d like to find as many possible connections as I can, just to satisfy my own curiosity, before I make any decisions.”

The Force whispered a warning and Luke looked up towards the door. “Well, looks like the project is going to have to wait. Something’s going on out there.”

The alarms that started blaring about three minutes later just confirmed what three of the four had already sensed.

[amykingpoet]

“There comes a point in everyone’s lives where we start to recognize that we are making choices, that we are determining who we are by the actions that we make,” poet, educator and activist Amy King stated in a 2015 speech at SUNY Nassau Community College, where she is a professor of English and creative writing. “What we do says a lot about who we are, not just what we say.”

As a young child growing up in the Bible Belt, King remembers going to the grocery store with her grandfather—her one source of stability, love and unconditional support at that time who, “everyday,” made comments that she was learning to understand were racist. She recalls watching her grandfather flirt with a Black woman who was checking out their groceries. “I was very young,” she told students about that day. “I didn’t even have the vocabulary at that point to recognize this feeling or to articulate what this feeling was, but it was the feeling that something hypocritical was going on.”

That was when King, who identifies as queer, began trying to figure out how to address those moments in her family. “A story begins when a protagonist recognizes a conflict and begins to address how to correct that conflict,” she shared, “and some of us choose not to address that conflict—and that is a story too.”

After growing up in Stone Mountain, Georgia, King lived with her father in Baltimore, Maryland. As a teenager, she worked for the National Security Agency after testing high for analytical skills, but says she felt “uncomfortable” there, even just at 17, and “didn’t like the way the institution was run.”

Two consistent themes throughout King’s life are “social justice and story.” Her latest book, The Missing Museum, is described as “a kind of directory of the world as it rushes into extinction, in order to preserve and transform it at once.” Publishing it won her the 2015 Tarpaulin Sky Book Prize and vaulted her to the ranks of legends like Ann Patchett, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rachel Carson and Pearl Buck when she received the 2015 Women’s National Book Association Award. (Named one of “40 Under 40: The Future of Feminism” awardees by the Feminist Press, King also received the 2012 SUNY Chancellor’s Award for Excellence in Scholarship and Creative Activities.)

King is co-editor of the anthology Big Energy Poets: Ecopoetry Thinks Climate Change and the anthology series Bettering American Poetry; her other books include I Want to Make You Safe, one of Boston Globe’s Best Poetry Books of 2011. Much of her prose, activism and other projects focus on exploring and supporting the work of other women writers, especially writers of color. King is a founding member of VIDA: Women in Literary Arts and former Editor-in-Chief of VIDA Review.

During a 2014 interview King gave for Houston’s Public Poetry Reading Series, she spoke on the subject of trying to understand poetry by asking a pivotal question: “What is ‘understanding’ and what is an ‘experience’ with a piece of art?” She went on to say poetry should “jostle” us out of our regular ways of thinking—it should “undo” us in ways that are both good and uncomfortable.

For this installment of Ms. Muse, King opens up about learning to speak up and step up—and shares three new poems with Ms. readers. Here’s to hoping that they “undo” you.

THE POEMS

Selling Short

I cannot afford to live in the city I teach in, & the number of people sleeping in cars has grown, indivisibly. This is not a dream of guarantees but the pursuit of handwritten freedoms that night the sting away. Demons of clinics devise distribution mechanics based on who you were born to & who you might know. The 2 a.m. quiet promises no solace or silence when days are hobbled & taken. Soon, light will be privately owned.

I’m Building a Body to Burn My Effigy In

I will not mention stars Today. They have been used for purposes not their own. Listen to them. Give them space. Observe but leave them distant. If you think you know everything about them now, you have outgrown yourself. In the south we say bigger than your britches burns, but I do not wish to confuse. I want to learn.

Joy Even

The denim and calico patchwork of my childhood. Mothballs in a little black box, felt lining each crevice. Michael Jackson on a hobbled turntable someone left at the apartment complex curb. Costwald Village. Regal. British. Anything but.

The dislocation of Backwoods, Georgia. The first time a man touched me, his semen glistening my inner thighs.

“Thriller” and the plywood coffee table. The hoarder grocery bag maze and Childcraft Encyclopedias flayed across the shag. My 12-year-old amazement. My 12-year-old embryo. The fact of a body electric, searing for days. Turning that birthed another world with a song and dance.

So many ways to joy. Some to death. My anything. Me, anything. Joy even.

THE INTERVIEW

Can you tell me about your process of writing “I’m Building a Body to Burn My Effigy In,” “Joy Even” and “Selling Short”?

I don’t have one process. Sometimes compiled notes take shape. Or a poem just falls out of me as if, gored, the liver drops from my body. The heart seeping sounds more fitting, but a liver plop fits better.

“I’m Building a Body…” comes from an interest in physics and mortality.

“Joy Even” is part of the slow-burn of outlining a memoir.

“Selling Short” emerges as predictive dream, touching on issues that have recently led me to Rosi Braidotti’s “The Posthuman.”

What childhood experiences with language informed your relationship with poetry?

When I first moved to live with my father in Baltimore at 15, I spoke slowly and heard the same. I often said “What?” in a deep southern drawl, uncertain of my own ears, which was probably also testament to a deeper uncertainty too. My father was my only safety line in a house full of strangers and with a stepmother who, quite quickly, began to play her own uncertainties out on me.

One day, as usual, I asked “What?” and my dad, no longer riding the romance of his daughter’s betrayal of her mother to be with him, the winner, suddenly shouted at me, “DO YOU REALLY NOT KNOW WHAT WE’RE SAYING?” It shocked the shit out of me. I made adjustments over time to alter the way I spoke, how I heard, to absorb unknown word usages and infer what I could. And to recover from what that moment meant.

You might prefer the story of how I used to read Gertrude Stein to friends over the phone to annoy them until I realized I had tricked myself as I was enjoying sounding her poetry aloud. Or how I grew up reading Nancy Drew and science fiction late into the wee hours and then woke up and watched Saturday morning cartoons in black and white. But this moment with my father shattered something. Luckily, the cracks are often where we make things and the broken pieces what we make things with.

I’m stunned by that moment with your father and your struggle to understand what people around you were saying. I’m also struck by the notion of the poet as a young girl not trusting her own ears, as you say. How did you learn to make out the words all around you–and to trust yourself?  

I don’t think I ever have really. I just embrace the temporality of life a bit more than usual and go with what comes across. It’s why I am not embarrassed to ask someone to pass the “lotion” for the salad or to verb nouns for decades now. I think subconsciously I suppressed my accent as a response to my father, but that shock taught me that not only is my mother unreliable, but so is the alternative, my father. I had already been disabused of the notion of unconditional love; I was holding out hope in him for at least a lasting, warm embrace. I’ve grown since that bottoming out: DNA is not all, and one can find family—and become family—elsewhere.

This is all linked to the notion that people speak to signal group intimacy; language is shaped by mutual alliances and allegiances. When family rejects your language needs, believe the message it sends and seek anew.

Do you seek out poetry by women and non-binary writers? If so, since when and why? More specifically, how has the work of feminist poets mattered in your childhood and/or your life as an adult?

I won a city-wide fiction contest for Baltimore ArtScape during my senior year of high school. It was judged by Lucille Clifton, which made a lasting impression on me. I was not a writer, but my high school English teacher, Carolyn Benfer, encouraged me tremendously. I was attending a vocational school in the city and, up to that point, was destined to become a CPA.

From there, I attended the University of Maryland at Towson State and had the good fortune to enroll as a double major in English and Women’s Studies. The latter program is especially noteworthy as the program served as the model for many other Women’s Studies programs across the country, as envisioned and spearheaded by Elaine Hedges, who was also an active feminist, affiliated with the Feminist Press. This program led me to numerous marginalized writers back in the early nineties that I likely would not have encountered so early on independently or simply from core English classes.

I cannot speak highly enough about the work that Women’s Studies program did. The short answer is that the program taught me to seek work by marginalized writers as I would be missing out on so much otherwise. I do not seek literature simply to reflect my own experiences—I seek to learn beyond them.

What groundbreaking (or ancient) works, forms, ideas and issues in poetry today interest and concern you?

There is no one work, and as such, I continue to read widely. There are so many books I have not read yet, which is thrilling. Some of my touchstones range from Cesar Vallejo to Leonora Carrington to Audre Lorde to James Baldwin to Lucille Clifton to Gertrude Stein to John Ashbery. There are numerous younger poets I look to for energy, shifts in consciousness and awareness of current cultural concerns and who also signal structural and formal changes. A handful include Billy-Rae Belcourt, Chen Chen, Joshua Jennifer Espinoza, Vievee Francis, Airea D. Matthews, Raquel Salas Rivera, TC Tolbert, Ocean Vuong and Phillip B. Williams—but this by no means is an exhaustive list. Check out the poets anthologized in the Bettering American Poetry series I am lucky enough to be a part of.

As a woman, and as a woman who writes, what do you need to support your work? What opportunities, support, policies and actions can/could make a direct difference for you—and for other women writers you know?

Besides the room, money and time Virginia Woolf called for, I’m beginning to find that a support network is vital. I don’t think this needs to be formal or a writing collaboration. I simply mean that it is encouraging to have regular check-ins with a small group of writers, as few as two even, where you discuss what you’re each working on, maybe share a small piece/excerpt, get feedback and discuss ideas.

It is often the idea exchange, even with just a friend on the phone, that I find generative. I find myself articulating ideas and vision in a way that is as revealing to myself as to my friend. I leave those conversations with ideas of where to head next with a poem or on what to research to build foundational ideas for a concept.

What’s next? What upcoming plans and projects excite you?

I’m outlining a memoir—fingers crossed—and writing poems. I may birth an essay down the road, but that is gestating for now. And volunteering time and support to a program called La Maison Baldwin Manuscript Mentors, a nonprofit arts and culture association that remembers and celebrates James Baldwin in Saint-Paul de Vence, to save James Baldwin’s house and turn it into a vital residency in France.

How has the current political climate in the U.S. affected you as a woman writer?

I am not so much shocked as often startled. I think we all knew white supremacy, colonialism and toxic masculinity were at the helm, but the built-in invisibilities kept them shrouded in respectability politics and notions of civility, and of course, that begs the question: Whose civility? I also don’t think we are in some unique moment of history where shocking things have taken hold and the end is nigh, but that is how it feels at times. Power and paradigm shifts are often premised on tectonic shifts, and folks have to finally step up, choose sides.

That seems key at the moment: one can no longer pretend to be above the fray. And that may be most painful for those of us with privilege. No one is outside anything after all.

TAGGED:

INTERVIEW

,

MS. MUSE

,

POETRY

MS. MAGAZINE FEATURE - CLICK HERE - HTTPS://MSMAGAZINE.COM/2019/02/28/MS-MUSE-AMY-KING-POWER-STORIES-WEIGHT-CURRENT-POLITICAL-MOMENT/

[invaderzia1]

You have some angsty or sad squad headcanons? 😏

Hell yeah, I did angsts Headcannons for both canon and modern/regular AU and a sad heacanon for each couple

Jiwin:

Angsts: (Canon AU) After Erwin lost his arm, Ji made him promise to stay safe and no matter what come back to her. He told her it’s his duty as commander to do what ever it takes for humanity’s sake and that he if it cost him his life in the end he’d still go through with it. She got really protective over him and tried to be near him for as long as she could. She knew there was a possibility of him not coming back when the scouts returned to Shingashina, but hearing the news of his death destroyed her. She swore she’d never forgive him for leaving her, but still loved him.

(Modern/Regular) After the first couple of months they were together, Erwin got a call from a woman he had been with previously, saying she was pregnant and it was his. He told Ji immediately and while they weren’t together when he hooked up with her, it still hurt Ji a lot. He wanted to keep the baby in his life, so the poor thing wouldn’t grow up without a loving father. Ji and Erwin almost broke up, due to Ji seeing this woman as shady after waiting 8 months to tell him about this child. Luckily, Ji was able to get Levi and Hanji to help convince him to get a DNA test and they found out the baby wasn’t his, but he still gave the woman a small sum of money to help her support the baby when she had it. Ji doesn’t hold a ill will against the woman, who truly thought it was his and wasn’t scared to take the dna test at all, but wishes the woman hadn’t waited so long to tell him.

Sad: sometimes Erwin can put his work before Ji, which results in fighting and a lot of tears. He tries not to do it much now that they’ve been together for a while, but he’s very committed to improving his work. He nearly missed her birthday party once because he wanted to stay at work and finish a project, but Levi kicked him out of the office and told him he’d do the rest.

Coltzi:

Angst: (Canon AU) After Gabi and Falco were taken to Paradis, and Zeke betrayed Marley, Colt became very distant and cold. He blamed himself for both kids going missing and wished he was faster/stronger/more reliable/etc. He’s broken inside, having lost his chance to prove himself worthy to inherit the Beast Titan and not being able to protect those he cares about. Even Franzi is unable to break through to him, which strains their relationship heavily. They stay together, but there’s a noticeable shift in their relationship that results in an increase in fights and other things.

(Modern/Regular) Colt was babysitting Falco and Gabi one day when he went inside for a drink and a bathroom break, when he went back into his back yard they were gone. He tried to call for them and look in the surrounding woods, but he couldn’t find them. He blamed himself so hard and told Franzi they should break up, as she deserves someone who isn’t as incompetent as him. It was a really horrible time for him. They were only gone till midnight, when the two came out from the woods, shocking the cops and family, who had been searching for hours. Gabi had dragged Falco into the woods for an “adventure” and they got lost after a while. Nobody blamed Colt for what had happened, more or less grateful the two came back and they were promptly reprimanded for running off like that. Colt still freaks out about it happening again to either Falco or his own kids.

Sad: Colt is usually able to handle himself well, but sometimes he feels like he’s not enough for Franzi. He’s quiet during this time and usually tries to be close to her, afraid that she will leave if he’s not near him. Franzi picks up on this pretty easy and tells him how much she loves him more.

Marvie:

Angst: (Canon AU) After the attack in Trost, Stevie searched the town for Marco, after hearing he was reported missing. She questioned nearly all of her friends multiple times, more desperate each time. It wasn’t until she saw Jean caring his corpse in his arms to pile them with the others she finally broke. She nearly snatched him from Jean’s arms, but didn’t trust her strenght to support his form. She cried on his body, not caring if Jean was there or not, begging this to be some sort of fucked up dream. Before Jean places his body with the others, he took Marco’s jacket off and gave it to her, along with other possession he had, which included a ring and a letter Stevie wrote him when they first started dating.

(Modern/Regualr) Marco nearly gets in an accident driving to work one day, some asshole swerves in front of him and nearly runs him into a heavily wooded area. When Stevie gets a call from the hospital she nearly breaks and rushes over, seeing his left side bandaged and his left arm in a sling. She’s unable to shake the feeling of that happening and what would’ve happened if it was worse. Marco tries to tell her he’s okay and that the scarring isn’t so bad, the scars on his face are barely noticeable and the ones on his arm and shoulder are hidden by much of his clothes. Anytime Stevie sees the scars though, it just reminds her.

Sad: Stevie has off days so often, where she tends to say things she doesn’t mean to Marco, about how they should break up and all that. Marco knows not too take it personal, just to hold her close and whisper how much he loves her. But the first couple of times this happened, he generally worried they were actually breaking up and cried, begging her not to. Marco, doesn’t have bad days often, but when he does he’s very quiet and distant. He kind of stares off randomly and doesn’t pay attention to what’s happening around him. He just needs to be wrapped in a blanket and cuddled for a bit.

Erena:

Angst: (Canon AU) After the attack on Marley, Rena is unable to be around Eren. The obvious shift in personality and his actions are too much for her to deal with, especially with the rising tensions between him and the military. She tries to talk to him and speak some sense into him, but he’s too stuck in his way and shrugs her off. Even when they kiss or look into each other’s eyes, he has this far off look like he’s not in the moment. After the bomb goes off that kills Zackley and Erens mob, she feels everything inside her break, unable to move past this now and not knowing what will happen next time she sees him.

(Modern/Regular) Before they got together, but they were still friends, Eren once was messing around with Armin, jumping too fast at an oppurtunity to mess around on a four wheeler, when he took it down a nasty hill and it flipped. He was pretty young(still a teenager) when this happened, and not as strong as he is now, so it really fucked him up. He was pinned under it unconscious and Armin was unable to move it off. When the ambulance and fire crew came and took it off his blood was covering him and the ground. Nobody thought he’d make it, he was in a coma for a two and a half weeks. Rena visited him everyday, having small talk as if he was awake. When he came through, he was not fully there, and it took around a year for him to fully regain much of himself. While he’s okay, he still has the scars and some problems relating to the injury, but nothing massively serious.

Sad: Both Rena and Eren have strong tempers and don’t like to move on things, so their fights can escalate pretty heavily. Not to the point of getting physical, but Eren sometimes doesn’t think of what he’s saying as he says it. They quickly make up after tempers cool and they are alone for a bit, but there have been times it’s almost caused them to break up, though one of them usually calms down when it’s suggested and is able to bring the other down.

Mean:

Angst: (Canon AU) When Sasha dies, everything shifts. We were all there watching and it broke everyone, but Jean felt he could’ve done something more, something better. He blames himself for not being able to stop Gabi from shooting and is haunted by the thought. For the first time in a long time, he thinks of Marco and once we get back to base, he locks himself in his room for the rest of the day. When I finally see him, his room is a mess and his eyes are red and swollen, he pulls me close and tells me he will never let anything like that happen, he couldn’t forgive himself if he couldn’t protect me. He’s on edge more often and more protective after that, wanting me to stay off missions or anything else dangerous. Both of us have nightmares of the other one dying.

(Modern/Regular) He was hanging with the crew once, everyone hit the local big city while I stayed home due to being sick. The crew had been in a bar late at night when Jean left to have a quick smoke break (/Vape break). He was standing on the side of the bar, which was a pretty sketchy alley, when someone came out and pushed him further into the alley. They told him give him all his valuables before pulling out a knife. Jean tried to reason with the guy, talking him out of it, but the guy lunged at him with the knife. The guy got a good swip on Jeans cheek, leaving a scar down the side, before Armin smashed him over the head with a thick book he bought earlier in the day. Jean had to get some stitches and luckily the guy was arrested and nothing worse happened, but my fear of big cities and specifically stuff like that made me go into a panic. I still have nightmares of it ending worse for him and whenever we go to large cities I have bad anxiety. When I saw Armin, helped bring Jean home after the hosptial, I hugged him close, crying hard as I thanked him so much.

Sad: we both have days where we think the other can do so much better, usually this leads to either one of us being ignored or really depressed texts to the other. I tend to ignore him or tell him he should leave me and that I’m the worst person, leading to him either coming to see me or calling me and telling me how much he loves me. While, Jean tends to get jealous when he’s depressed and hyper focuses on certain friends I have, saying he’s sorry he can’t be them or that they’d treat me better, which makes me call him or if I’m close, pull him close and tell him how much I am devoted to him.

[shadylake-blog]

I never knew this kind of misery could exist until this year. Grief is overwhelming. I can easily say this has been the worst year for my family. Every day I try and give thanks that no one else is dead, or dying (well even that is not true a couple family members not doing so well with their health but they do not have cancer or anything that awful, so I should be grateful right?) I have learned being a better person does not make your life easier. Karma does not exist. My sweet poor baby brother, only 4 years younger than me died in January to start my year off. He would be 22 right now if he would have been alive for his birthday this month. I used to love the rain, now I have mixed feelings. That day I knew something bad was going to happen. I wrote the date two times for various things and got chills each time I wrote it. I watched The Butterfly Effect, which used to be one of my favorite movies until that happened, thinking about how true it was. He passed a semi truck with a car in front of them on that rainy night in January heading west towards the coast, that day it just rained and rained and rained. It was 10PM and dark. I was on the exact same spot on the road 10 minutes before the accident, about 10 miles outside of town. He hydroplaned, rolled and managed to defy physics and come back the other direction and rolled into a telephone pole that hit the drivers side. Completely demolished the car. Passenger was unscathed. He had a pulse for 20 minutes on scene, and was never taken to a hospital at all to even attempt to revive him. Just thrown into a body bag once pulse had stopped... makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. At midnight I realized I had 36 missed calls from my mom and step-dad. I was busy arguing with my controlling gas lighting “boyfriend” about tattoos, he was made that I got them. I was thinking someone got pulled over for driving while suspended or something. I never thought about my brother dying, not once my entire life. My mom blubbered “He is dead,” I said “What do you mean?” “He is dead your brother is dead he got in a car wreck” “No it can not be him are you sure?” “Yes I am sure” (can barely understand her both of us just completely blubbering and hysterical now) “How do you know did you see him?” “The police came and told me, his wallet was on him it was his car.” Now having never dealt with death in any way shape or form, not even a distant cousin, I did not know how to react other than scream. I had a slight hope maybe someone stole his car and wallet, because the passenger was not one of his friends I knew, it was someone I had never even heard my brother talk about. But I cried and screamed for days and days and days. The next morning I immediately went out to the crash sight which was right behind my moms house across a big field and put up a cross on the pole. It was still pouring, I had another one drying at home with his name on it. The scene was horrific. They left all of his costs and personal belongings just strung out all over the side of the road.PIECES OF SHIT. After they let him bleed out. Puddles of blood all over the ground in the mud. His car title, personal mail, the coats he had on that night (the passenger posted a photo of them before they left and ten minutes later he was dying) other things he had in his car like work clothes and nails and tools, he was a roofer. He always had those rings of nails everywhere. Just left out like hes worthless trash. The lack of respect for a dead 21 year old kid you did not even take to the hospital...Fucking disgusting. I went out and cleaned everything up. I could not even see my brother until Wednesday, 4 days later. It was a Saturday night when it happened. Towing company would not even let us look at his car until Tuesday. My step-dad, mother and I looked at the car in complete horror. It looked like it been crushed. How the passenger escaped unscathed I really have no idea the entire dashboard was caved in, windshield gone. Blood all over the drivers seat and floor where they just let him lay there and bleed out. Somehow his weed pipe (that was under the passenger seat in a toolbox he was not smoking and he does not drink) was not broken, neither was his phone which was smashed in between the drivers seat and console but it was cracked. We always told each other our passwords in case something like this happened never thinking we would actually have to use it... That day he asked probably 20 people to go all day including his girlfriend, and he could not get anyone to go until 10 o'clock at night when the passenger had said sure I will go. The last thing his girlfriend said to him was “I wish you would go kill yourself”, they had been together for 3 years. I know that when people are arguing they say things like that, I do not hold it against her but its unfortunate she has to live with that being the last thing she said to him. His steering wheel and dashboard were so crushed the keys had to be forcibly removed, I still carry the sideways key around on my key chain because this has made me completely insane, as if I did not struggle enough with depression and anxiety before this from constantly being broke trying to raise a child on my own and never having daycare. That is a story for another day. But this has really fucked me up. He was not a sibling I occasionally see on the holidays, that’s who I called when I really just needed a friend. We went camping and hiking all the time together. We never sat on our phones when we went so we hardly had any pictures together. He was always there for me as a child and an adult, even though I was such a bitch when we were younger. He was always so good to me, the best brother anyone could ever ask for. I hear these people talk about the things their brothers do them, and I am like my brother would have never done that to me... He was such a good person even when people did him wrong. He had a heart of gold and was so unique he had so much potential and was just starting to grow up. Besides my child, there is no other person in the world I loved more than him. I have two other siblings but they are 14 and 11 years younger than me. I love them but I do not share the same bond and he was my only full sibling. When I actually finally got to see him at the morgue (and I was the only family member that even went to see him the rest found it too “traumatizing” I wanted to see what the hell happened) my stomach sank. It was definitely him. My poor little brother, laying on a fucking slab. I just kissed his forehead over and over wishing I could somehow blow the life back into him... I know that can never happen. He will rot in the ground forever. It was just a slight dent on his head under his hair. His beautiful brown hair. You will never convince me he should have not tried to have been saved. I have seen people survive way worse injuries but they were taken to a hospital. They literally just let him lay there until his pulse stopped. I’m too poor to afford an attorney. Just like my grandpa that I never met, but I have been told by my entire family he was beat by a bunch of police officers and left to die in the hospital. My grandmas mom was overdosed in Tylenol at the hospital and her sister died of alcohol poisoning because the hospital would not treat her. Why are the poor just left to die? Because the poor can not afford lawyers, and they know it. I visited him almost every day for the 2 weeks in the morgue, we did not exactly have 5 grand laying around for a funeral so I had to gather some money before the services. I felt awful letting him stay in a morgue that long, but my other choice was cremation which I do not believe in. I wanted it to do it as my native american ancestors did which was bury him outside in a cave but its illegal. I have seen too many cremations where people get the wrong ashes when the DNA test them and I wanted a proper burial, and a place to visit him. We built the casket since I was not paying an additional 5 grand for a wooden box with pillows in it. My stepdad found old redwood on the farm and various other woods to build it with. My brother would have liked it, because he loved to fall trees. He did it for fun almost every time we went to the woods. “Sis, lets go to the woods so I can cut down a tree.” He called me Sis even as an adult. The handles were made out of deer antlers, his first deer that he killed. I bought him a red comforter set because that was his favorite color. I dressed him in his banana pajama pants and his work shirt, because he loved roofing, and one of his cozy flannels. I hope you're cozy brother. Lots of people showed up to the funeral. At least 100 people. My boss and coworker, my brothers coworkers, all my family, even distant family we never really speak to like my grandpas brother. People I did not know. My moms ex husband (my other siblings father) and his parents came. It was a very sad day, watching my grandparents cry as he went into the ground. Everyone took turns getting up to speak. I did as well, but it took so much courage for me to get up there in front of everyone and not bawl and bawl and bawl. I have never seen so many grown men cry in my life until that day. I tried so hard not to bawl but when he went into the ground I lost it, everyone did. We waited until he was buried and smoked a joint on his grave and planted some flowers even though it was freezing and raining and cold. I really did everything I could to make sure he had a proper burial. The celebration of life was a week later, another day we had to put fake smiles on our faces and socialize. What is amazing is how many people it united. But it comes back to The Butterfly Effect, if I would have said hey lets hangout. If I would have been on that road ten minutes later, because I was right fucking there right before it happened. If anyone else would have said they would go and he would have left earlier. Most importantly, if they would have taken him to a hospital and actually tried to do something instead of letting him lay there until his pulse stopped and then throwing him into a body bag. I will never, ever forget him and will never let his legacy die.