#when he says he drank coffee to keep from Becoming this you cant take that as fact at face value

[yb-cringe]

i dont wanna say qbagi idealizes who her brother is because tbh i never. really felt like thats the direction she was taking. often times whenever i see her say stuff to cellbit or talk to him or talk About him its always ‘i dont care what hes done, i love him and i care for him’.

always about like. ‘we used to be really close and cared for each other’ and that rightfully can be seen as idealization but i always saw it more as bagi trying to project Evidence of the fact she wouldn’t leave him. you were with me when we were young and i loved you then therefore i love you now.

connecting cellbit with who he used to be isnt a Bad thing, its not idealization, it’s just her trying to reconcile her feelings about him. trying to remind him that she Loves him and Loved him and she’s here for him.

[lovestrucked-again]

Render Your Heart | J.Jaehyun

(Jaehyun’s Tattoo Edit - @rrregan​) Summary: Growing up beside your brother’s best friend forces you to keep your crush a secret. But who knew, the way you’d expose yourself was when you asked for help from a dropout high school student. When your lie of an excuse gets caught and your long time dream becomes a reality. Careful though, don’t get caught. 

Genre: smuT Pairing: bad boy!Jaehyun x reader (ft Taeyong big bro) Word count: 5.8k

Warning: Jaehyun has tattoos (sleeves, chest), hard dom!Jaehyun, fingering, rough, orgasm denial, dirty talk, explicit content, wet and messy sex, begging, orgasm control, spanking, humiliation, praise, punishment, teasing, nipple play, cum licking/swallowing, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, marking, cock worship, blowjob, throat fucking, hair pulling, gagging (on cock), cum swallowing i think i said that, rough sex, cockwarming, belly bulge, thrill sex? risk of getting caught, safe systems because that is very important to have, also safe sex please this isn't something you should follow

a/n: Yeet. I drank 2L of water writing this.  Also thank you @hyuckiesgf​ for helping me read thru this <3. _____

“Y/N?”

He slowly slides the paperwork off your lap, exposing your legs in the short skirt you’re wearing, the almost non-existent breeze from the fan now hitting your skin, leaving you feeling very naked. His arm swings across your shoulder, closing the gap between the two of you sitting side by side against the couch.

“Y-yes?” You stutter out, your head turning to see his hand resting so close to your face.

“So why don't you tell me what you really want?"

You gulp down the saliva forming in your throat as you watch his hand fall to your legs, the veins from his wrist bulging out as he gently squeezes your thigh for a response. “Hmm? What are you talking about?"

His left hand creeps up your skin, sliding up the inside of your thigh as he tip toes up your skin, tracing his fingers very softly, gliding closer to the hem of your skirt, “You want me to believe you called a high school drop out for help, on a university assignment?”

His hand climbs closer to the inside of your thigh, and the background noise coming from the TV is no longer audible to you. Your figure frozen suddenly, feeling all the tiny details of his touch, the texture of his fingertips, trailing along the inside of your thigh, going up and then back down, moving around in an eight pattern.

“Why’d you call me over?” He murmurs, his eyes focused on your parted lips, watching as they fall open slightly.

“I-I wait – hold on.” Your mind runs in a mess as you stutter out a random string of words in an attempt to think.

The hand on your thigh suddenly halts, no longer gently squeezing and fluttering along your skin. “I’m waiting?”

You realise the nerves from your stomach, from the touch in your thighs, from the dim lighting in the midnight timing, were all connected directly to your pussy. His touch, causing your pussy to self-lubricate and swell at its own volition, in strict disobedience to your control.

“It’s not what you think.” You mumble.

“Is it not?” He whispers, flipping himself to face you. His free arm flies to the back of the couch, using it to support his weight as he leans forward, keeping you encircled by his body. Your eyes glance over to the side, following the abstract shapes tracing up his forearm. The simple black tee rising higher up his arm, exposing his pale skin – mostly obscured by the smooth paintings in ink that wind up his biceps. “What are you staring at baby?”

Abruptly, your breath hitches, your pussy simultaneously releasing a gush of wetness at the nickname, the darkness of his eyes staring down at you. His fingers press against the damp spot in your panties as his breath goes to the crook of your neck. Your cry of alarm being quickly muffled as you bite down on your tongue in resistance. His breath tickles your neck and your hands clench onto the sheet of paper you’re holding, scrunching it up unknowingly.

“Should I stop?” Jaehyun removes his face away from your side, moving to face you, letting his gaze fall on your lips.

Your mind spins around in circles as the inner conflict begins. The two of you had always flirted but took nothing seriously, not wanting to mess up the relationship he had with your brother. Taeyong would also never approve of it, his own wish was for you to find a more responsible guy who didn't have so many bad influences. Which was also hypocritical considering his own nature.

Jaehyun watches as your eyes flutter shut, your body involuntarily moving up for a stronger presence of his touch. He follows along smirking, deciding to press a little harder as he finds your sensitive clit.

“Fu-ckkk” You draw out, your body sinking deeper into the couch.

He towers over you, his shoulders squared and blocking your view from anything behind him. His dark eyes sweep over you, his gaze trailing from where his finger presses, up to your naturally pink lips before he lets out a low, deep, exhale of desire.

“Can I continue?” He whispers, leaving a soft kiss at the corner of your jaw.

Your hand still holding onto the paperwork is now crushed, the sheet mushed into a ball as you dig your fingers into it. Your other hand leaves the couch, reaching out to his chest, flattening weakly against his muscles. “Jae- th-this, fuck, we ca-cant do this.”

“Why not?” He pauses for a few seconds, waiting for an answer, but nothing forms out of your mouth, only the lifting of your hips to meet his touch yet again.

His drawn back to your clit when you can’t respond, gently pinching at it through the fabric as you let out a stifled moan. Your palm weakens against his chest as your strength drains from your body, achieving nothing. You may as well try pushing a whole truck instead. Jaehyun wasn’t budging, his muscle and strength, his chest and shoulders, alarmingly hard. And truth be told, you weren’t trying to get him off.

You knew you were slipping, losing your grip on your rationality as you moan out again feeling his fingers tease your clit through the thin material of your underwear. As your body relaxes into the couch, your skirt slides up, revealing the little amount of skin left unseen, all the way to your panties. His weight is still barely on you but his leg wedges between your knees as he kisses closer to your parted mouth.

“What about my brother?” You stutter out, your eyes squeezed shut at the sudden contact.

Jaehyun’s lips brushes against yours, forming a smirk after hearing your words, “Taeyong? He won’t know,” he places a soft peck, “unless you tell him.”

It sounded safe right? Jaehyun wouldn't tell him and there’s no way you ever would. You nod along to your thoughts, but within the next second, Jaehyun is devouring your lips. His hand which previously laid against the couch, now cupping your cheek as his other hand continues to rub you through your panties.

Your arousal grows as you realise how screwed you were if Taeyong saw this, how you probably looked so helpless pinned underneath his best friend’s figure. Jaehyun continues, both stimulating you and checking the level of your arousal. The ripples of lewd, mind numbing pleasure racing through your body making you panic, as you constantly try to detect the sound of the shower in the background. Waiting for it to stop and for Taeyong to come trampling through the scene. Your pussy was oozing and throbbing, obeying his fingers and his crushing desire as you panicked for your life.

You had yearned for his touch and sensation and savagery, and he was giving it to you, just like you had imagined it, and you felt herself melting under his assault. Your cries diminishing and becoming more like beseeching moans as he slips his fingers under your panties, parting it to find your slit.

“Fuck your so wet for me.” He groans, pausing in between your frenzied kiss. There’s only the sound of your soft gasps for breaths against the wet kisses before you realise there’s no other noise.

“Jae the showers stopped.” You mumble against his lips, bringing both your hands to his chest, pushing him back only slightly.

“Then we should hurry, shouldn't we?” The frantic moan that escapes your lips are left to mean anything: fear, urgency, or imploring lust, desperate to relieve the tension in your lower stomach.

You begin to whine and whimper into his mouth, begging him to hurry before you’d be forced to stop in order to spare your life and what little dignity left you had in front of your brother, but Jaehyun continues to take his time.

“Jae-” Your rational mind tries to tell you that if he was going to keep this up, you might come, that you may lose all your self-respect to the combination of his touch, your helplessness and the thrilling shame of being so close to danger. What is he going to think of me? If he knew this rough treatment, this anxious feeling of being caught, can make me climax? What would he say?

However, the low groans coming from Jaehyun as he plays with you, teasing your entrance, was begging you to forget everything. The humiliation that was increasing seeming to connect directly to the spot between your legs as you felt your pussy spasm desperately, sucking on empty air, aching for something as he slides across the moisture.

As you move your body up, desperately for his finger to enter, Jaehyun stops moving, pulling back his face so you see his eyes clearly. “Stop grinding your hips at me,” he growls, “you’re going to make me cum.”

Your pussy clenches involuntarily at his words, releasing another gush of wetness. “Isn’t that the point?” you stutter, your body deflating a little against the couch, dropping your hips which were previously moving in line with his hand.

“Not right now.”

Before your able to ask what he means, his weight is off you, immediately leaving the couch in search for something. You stay seated, dazed in confusion as he picks up the scattered paperwork on the floor placing it neatly on the coffee table.

“Grab your jacket.” He tells you.

“Why?” you ask, your mind still in a muddled mess.

“We’re going out.”

As you hear the knob of the bathroom door handle fumble, you quickly bring down your skirt, hurriedly standing up and pretending to be busy. Taeyong walks out with a towel in his hand, his eyes glancing between the two of you as he ruffles his wet hair.

“Where are you guys going?” He asks, having heard the last spoken sentence.

Jaehyun throws on his beaten leather jacket, letting it hang loosely over his frame, “You never taught her how to change a flat tire?”

“U-uh no? Was I meant to?” Taeyong asks, confused at the sudden topic.

“Well now I have to.” Your eyes dart over to Jaehyun, meeting his gaze as he signals you to follow along.

“It’s cold and dark outside” Taeyong shrugs, clearly unbothered by whatever was going through his best friend’s mind, “but whatever, suit yourself.”

Jaehyun grabs you by your wrist as you trail along. The sudden change in temperature instantly hits you as you step out the front door. He doesn't say anything but you peek around his body which leads you, waiting for him to glance back at you and say something. But he doesn't.

“Where are we going?” you ask, having to jog slightly to keep up with his strides.

“To finish what we started,” he simply replies.

***

There’s no hesitation left as he unlocks the front door to his apartment - so conveniently located in the apartment building next to yours. His jacket is shrugged off before you’ve even had a chance to slip off your shoes, the front door slamming shut automatically by its weight. Your core flutters as you notice the sound of just your heavy breathing, trying to remain calm.

“Why are you acting so shy suddenly?”

You look over at him, removing your gaze from your feet to look over, gulping as you see he had also removed his shirt within the little time you had just entered, “I’m not.”

He chuckles at your confident reply, gesturing you to come over, “It’s not like this is your first time over.”

“Well it’s my first time coming over for something like this.”

“Like what?” He asks amusingly.

“You know what I mean.” You mutter, your feet dragging you closer to him so your standing just inches apart. He holds a smug expression on his face as you’re forced to look up at him to match his gaze.

“Mmmm I don't think I do,” he murmurs, bringing your hands around his neck, making you stand on your toes to reach comfortably around his height.

“Asshole,” you mumble, breaking his gaze. You stumble back a little as your hands leave his neck, realising how close you’re standing.

Jaehyun wraps an arm around your waist, keeping you steady, “Be careful.”

The pull closer towards him brings you face to face with his inked skin and your attention goes to the patterns in front of your eyes. Your eyes follow the delicate shapes and lines along his shoulder which start from around his collarbone, down to the centre of his chest where the tattoo meets to form a flower. You can’t help but imagine how he’d look if he was entirely covered, the gap between the inks being marked by you. What you’d do to suck on his skin and mark it yourself.

“You can touch them Y/N, they don’t hurt” he chuckles, watching your eyes waver.

You shut him up when the contact of your lips brush against his skin, softly sucking at the vines on his collar, then trailing your tongue towards the ink down the middle of his chest. You bring your attention back to the clear patches of skin around his collar, deciding it’d look better with some of your artistic touches.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun hisses as you teasingly graze along his flesh before biting at it softly. The hand around your waist tightens and you can feel his nails digging into your skin. His free hand slides up underneath your shirt, between your closed bodies. You nip and suck at the uninked patch, moving your head back every so often to see the dark colour forming a mark.

His hands leave their spots, deciding to remove your shirt and you help him, guiding the fabric over your head, exposing your bra, and then your naked midriff as you feel the pulse in your throat beating in a growing excitement.

"Mmm... Beautiful. Just fucking beautiful" he hums. You feel yourself blush, heat rising at his approval. It was insane to you, and without reason, but you desperately wanted to please him. "Baby, I could fuck you all night long and not get tired," He grabs at your breasts, going at them hungrily as he begins to kiss and pluck at your nipple with his lips through the sheer fabric of your bra.

“Please,” you mewl, weak from pleasure. His hands cup your breasts as he gently pushes you backwards, until your back hits a wall and he stands looming over you.

"Mmm..." he grabs your bra, pulling it up over your breasts, then attacks them with a vengeance, sucking, licking, squeezing one while he devours the other. His need and passion so intense, so overwhelming you can hardly breathe.

He lets go of your breast and his right hand goes back under your skirt, finding your soaked panties and pushing the crotch aside. He pushes his finger into you and you cry out, arching up against the wall as you try and support your weight. Your legs spreading eagerly as the sloppy sound of his fingers filled the room.

"Please," you whisper, "Please..." He fingers you till you feel yourself start to bear down the looming orgasm and then he stops suddenly.

You watch as his hand flies to his zipper, your breath hitching as you gaze at the bulge straining against the thin material of his jeans. He catches your gaze and decides to move slower. He moves with excruciating ministrations, his fingers gliding over the waistband as he undoes the first button before sliding the zipper down. Through lust hazed eyes you watch as Jaehyun strokes his cock, covered by the thin material of his boxers, the fabric stretched for release. Eventually, he kicks of his jeans, the more apparent tent now restrained only by a single layer.

“Eyes up princess,” He smirks, watching your eyes flicker back up to him. You reach down desperately, wanting to touch him. Jaehyun grabs your arm, pulling you back as he finally removes the last layer, letting his cock spring free, hard and angry, arching up in its full arousal, erect and proud. The moment you see his entire length you let out a low moan.

“I just want to touch it,” you whine, freeing yourself from his grasp.

“You can,” he pushes your shoulders down gently and you immediately sink to the floor in eager when you realise what he’s implying. “Show me what a hot little cock-sucker you are and get me good and hard, baby. Good and hard.” He takes a handful of your hair and pulls you closer, his other hand holding his dick up like a weapon, aimed directly at your mouth.

The sticky velvet head of his dick presses against your lips and you can smell him, the scent of soap and denim and male sexual musk. You lean forward at the sight just as his heavy cock slaps against your lips and you obediently open your mouth, taking him inside.

He exhales a grunt of excitement and you feel his hands in your hair, pushing your head down impatiently as he lifts his hips and thrusts himself into you. His cock slides into your mouth and fills you: hot, thick, and pulsing with life, and you hear him groan in animal pleasure as you sink down on his thick hardness.

Your lips suddenly turning wildly sensitive as he tugs at the strands in your hair, grabbing your head and fucking his cock into your mouth, pushing the fallen strands of hair out of your face so he can see you getting fucked.

"Fuck!" he moans. "Oh fuck!"

You continue sucking, slobbering, pushing your head onto him and pumping, pausing only to slurp up the streams of saliva that poured from your mouth and down his shaft. You can hear your own guttural moans and sounds of obsequious sucking, and when your neck starts to ache and your lips grow tired, you just hold your head and mouth still, letting him use you, letting him thrust his angry cock into your throat and making you choke and gag.

"You're going to make me cum, baby!" he moans.

As the words leave his lips, you suck harder, jaw no longer slack, wanting him to cum in your mouth. But he wasn't ready to give it to you yet. He digs both his hands into your hair, prying you off as his cock pops out your mouth, slimed with spit and twitching with pre-orgasmic spasms. Jaehyun quickly grabs his cock, squeezing his length to stop his immanent ejaculation as you cry out in frustration.

“What are you doing?” you whine as Jaehyun leans down, wiping the substance off your lips. You were desperate for his cum in your mouth, and he was denying you.

“Not yet.” As his head rolls back, you continue to stare, watching him squeeze and clench his dick and the watery pre-cum roll down the angry purple head. You pounce on it, reaching forward to scoop it up in desperate need with a single swipe of your tongue, savouring its flavour before swallowing thickly.

“Fuck Y/N!” He yells, painfully sensitive and reacting instinctively by shielding his cock and pushing you away gently.

You barely move, your hands quickly falling to your side to keep your balance. If he wasn't going to let you have his cock, you were going to satisfy your oral need another way. You watch as his breaths become heavy, his own attempt of calming himself down. Your eyes are still glued to his cock, wrapped tightly around his hand as your gaze travels up his length, noticing his balls hanging in attetion.

Immediately, you crawl forward, ducking your head to come up from below as you lick and kiss at the hanging bottom, your wet lips running over them.

“Shit!” he moans, his hand squeezing tighter against himself as he watches you in shock. You were shocked yourself but you were more concerned about your eager need growing in the pit of your stomach. You slurp and suck gently at his cum filled balls, grabbing his cock from his hand as he lets go. “You’re such a bad girl.”

But as you begin to pump up his shaft, Jaehyun pulls you up by your upper arms, lifting you off the floor and picking you up into his chest. For a moment your mind goes blank, suddenly forgetting where you are.

It’s not until you feel the soft fabric of the bed sheets under your skin that you realise you’re in a different room. The dim light shining through his open bedroom curtains on your left and the reflection of your body in the mirror on your right.

Your arms climb to your chest, covering yourself in instinct as you notice him staring. “What is it?” you whisper.

“Why are you hiding them?” he asks, crawling up to your face, his hands at the side of your head.

“Because.”

“because what?” he asks, his breath reaching your lips.

“Because I want to,” you sass back. You can feel his body leaning against your crossed arms and you fight the urge to move.

“So much attitude,” he chuckles, attacking you with kisses. His tongue glides through your lips, meeting yours and his hands find your shoulder, pushing down lightly to keep you still beneath him. Your palms go to his back as his chest meets yours, bringing his body down closer to you in the midst of your kiss.

Jaehyun’s tongue is questing and inquisitive; learning the corners of your mouth with practiced flair, drawing sensual noises from you. Sounds you didn't know were capable of leaving you. Tentatively, you reach your arm up around the solid anchor of his arm and your rewarded with a deep growl of pleasure from your partner.

All you had now was need, this basic elemental need, and you wanted him to take you and do things to you. You wanted him to take everything you had to give, because nothing seemed of any value unless he wanted it. Jaehyun notices your change quickly as you fight back for power, your hands gliding to his chest, pushing him. You flip him over, rising onto your knees so you’re now straddling his lap. He makes no effort to stop your strength but continues to pull you close with his lips, waiting for whatever you wanted to do next.

But you pull away from him, the constant thought that plagued your mind being asked, “What happens after this?”

“What do you mean?” he asks, confused.

You sit up properly, his hands resting at your hips to keep you steady. You hesitate before responding, deciding between your words, “Is this just for fun?”

There’s a moment of silence, his eyes showing the gentler side of his emotions, “Do you want it to be?”

You pause for a second, weighing your options. Of course you wanted it to be more, you had fallen for Jaehyun the moment you saw him, but you were sure he only saw you as his best friend’s younger sister, “No.”

Jaehyun smiles at you, bringing your fallen strands of hair behind your ear, “Then let’s work something out.”

You feel his body shift and your suddenly thrown to your side, landing softly on the bed with a thud. In the dark room, you can hear him shuffling before his hand reaches for your skirt, tugging them down in a swift movement along with your underwear. You let out a squeal in surprise but he ignores it.

He walks over to the side of his bed, patting his lap as you crawl over to his side. He guides you over, placing you over his knee, your bottom naked under his hand as you shiver in anticipation.

“I think you know what’s about to happen baby,” he murmurs, stroking the back of your thighs. You let out a choked mumble, your ass clenching as you wait for the sound. “Didn't I tell you no before? I told you not to keep throat fucking my cock but you continued,” he hums, “and do you know what happens to those who don't listen?”

“What?” you squeak

“They get punished.” He squeezes your ass gently, watching it fill his palm, “Here’s how this works, red for stop, yellow for slow down and green for I’m okay.” He pauses, waiting for your response, “did you hear me princess?”

“Y-yes,” you stutter out, heart beating rapidly as you laid vulnerably over his knee.

His gaze darkens, as you respond, his voice coming out almost two octaves lower, “Repeat it Y/N.”

“Red stop, yellow for slow and green for okay,” you automatically reply.

“If anything’s uncomfortable tell me okay?” Jaehyun coaxes with a gentle whisper.

He draws his hand back and you close your eyes for what’s coming. The slap of his hand on your ass amazingly loud in the room, the sharp sting and burn immediately felt. You yelp at the contact, clenching your ass for the next slap to come.

“Count them for me baby.” He purrs, pausing for you to answer.

You let out a shaky breath, “One.”

Another slap comes. You draw in a breath, mumbling out the tally “Two.”

“Count them properly or we start again baby,” he warns.

And another, “Three.”

“Four.” The heat starts to sink into your pussy, radiating through your body.

“F-ive.”

“Maybe you should have listened to me?” he hums in response – another harsh spank following his words.

“Six.” you whine out, crying in pain. As each slap continues, the arrogance you had from earlier drifts further away, the sting of his slaps sinking into your pussy and causing your muscles to clench and clit to throb.

“Your ass fits so perfectly around my hand.” He praises, rubbing the skin delicately after the seventh spank. He shuffles back against the bed, sliding you over with him.

He grabs you by the arms again, lifting you up easily over him and lowering you down between his parted legs. You stare at his stiff cock so close to your entrance and your eyes widen as you watch him move.

“Time to do some work princess,” he orders, hands tightening around your waist.

“You want me to ride you?” You ask, unable to hide the hint of power you could feel rising in your chest.

“Don’t take that fucking attitude with me,” he warns, his hands digging in the side of your skin, “Or we’ll continue our counting.”

You didn't fight him, desperate for something to fill you below. Jaehyun had handled you so easily, like a doll, lifting you up and holding you by the arms, kissing you, nuzzling his face into your breasts as you arranged yourself around him. At the slight contact your pussy makes with the velvety head of his cock, you moan, wiggling your hips back and forth to work the head of his cock between your folds.

He holds you up, not letting you sink down any closer until you groan in frustration.

“Jae just let me!” you scream, frustrated as you claw at his hands holding your body up.

He chuckles in response, beginning to lower you and you feel yourself stretch and spread around his invading length. Then, he lets go of your arms, gripping onto your ass instead as you whimper out in pain from the soreness of before. But that was the least on your mind, finally feeling in charge of fucking him and taking him inside. Every movement of your hips has you taking his cock deep into your pussy and Jaehyun grunts in delight, his hands pulling your body deeper around him.

“Fuck such a tight little princess.” He groans. His cock is huge, and hard, and it split you painfully, but the pain was just what you wanted, the perfect price for the pleasure you desired. He pulls your body towards him, his hands bringing you to his lips around your neck. Jaehyun took advantage of your busy mind, slowing the kiss down, drawing the moment out until you were leaning heavily against him, dizzy.

Your pussy was melting, your juices running down his shaft in an obscene display of need but you were loving it, the wicked sense of control you now had, doling out his pleasure as he moans and gasps simultaneously as you sink down on his cock.

However, when you’re only still half-ready, he begins to thrust up impatiently into you, burying his cock into your hilt and you break your kiss to sob. He was filling you, packing you with his length as you gasp, leaning your forehead against his, feeling so totally fucked and consumed by him.

"Sit up” he growls, " I want to see my cock going into you."

You groan at the dirtiness of his words but obey, pulling yourself up as you watch his eyes flick down to where you see yourself stretch in a tight ring around him.

“So perfectly made for me,” he grunts as you slide down. Jaehyun brings your breasts in his hands, finding your nipples and rolling them between his fingers slowly, pinching and increasing the pressure till you gasp, your pussy spasming around him involuntarily. Your vaginal muscles clench from the immense size, making its long journey in and out of his now conquered territory. “Keep going princess, show me how much you want me,” he growls.

You rise up again, feeling the sweet suck of his cock leaving you, then push back down against him, filling yourself up, grinding to rub your clit against his shaft. Jaehyun moans, sighs, and grunts with pleasure as you continue in a working rhythm, starving to feel his hot release into your pussy. His fingers still tugging at your nipples, bounced in his hands as he bounced on him. But your body grows exhausted soon after your first climax, unable to keep up the same pace as before.

“Fuck I c-cant,” your voice trails off, your thighs weakening as your legs were giving out in support.

Jaehyun doesn't miss his cue, his hand reaching for your ass and the other for your neck as he flips you over, you’re back hitting the sheets with a soft thud in the midst of everything.

“I got you baby.” He whispers, his cock still buried in your pussy as he nudges between your legs. He doesn't move, waiting for you to regain your breath as he gently holds your legs against the sheets, helping you calm down the tremoring of your muscles. “What colour?” he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Greenish-yellow,” you mumble, “just give me a second.” Jaehyun hums in response, waiting patiently for your response as he holds still inside of you. He nuzzles against your hair. You take a few more moments, breathing deeply before you’re ready, “green.”

He takes no time in returning back to his movements. He pushes your knees up to your shoulders, fucking you hard, deep and with brutal passion. You grip onto the surrounding bed sheets, his full length of his cock sliding in and out of you faster and harder than you could’ve achieved by riding him.

Jaehyun buries his face into the arch of your throat, peppering kisses into your flesh as you gasp out for air with every thrust. His lips trail along the side of your collar before wrapping around the skin, lightly suckling at it. He tugs at the thin skin between his teeth and you feel the slight pang of pain as he bites down softly. Nevertheless, he continues – sucking and biting as many hickeys he can into your skin, gripping onto your opposite shoulder and tilting your head for further access to your neck.

“Your mine now, all mine,” he murmurs against your skin, “whose are you princess?”

“Yours,” you squeak, voice coming out at a higher pitch than usual.

You can feel the building tension, feeling his cock knocking against your hilt as you move, your stomach bulging with his length. You grasp at him, trying to reach for his bicep which holds your knees up, wanting to tell him you were close, but you couldn't move, couldn't say anything. You can only lie there with your mouth agape, eyes shut as he continues to dive in.

“Fuck I’m going to cum.” He groans. But you were already drowning in your own torrent of orgasm, crushed by the relentless fucking and his deep grunts. You feel his cock throb intensely inside you before it begins to spit hot waves of cum into you.

He continues to fuck you as you come, your pussy milking his cock as he shoots into you again and again, his face now buried against your breasts. He was still thrusting as you come down from your high, his member deflating but still insisting in sliding in and out on the slippery bed of your mixed juices. Slowly, you float back into reality, your body still uncontrollably spasms as the thick cloud of ecstasy still clouds your mind.

“Jae n-no more,” you whimper, feeling him retreat from your sensitive walls as the overstimulated pain and displeasure kick in. Jaehyun listens immediately, moving his weight from you so his hovering over your sweaty figure, your hair sticking to your forehead.

“No more baby,” he tells you, his hand skimming over your waist and then to your belly. He pushes down lightly and you feel a rush of cum leak out and trail down to your ass. He climbs off, panting still as he rolls over beside you, bringing in your exhausted figure to his chest. Your clammy skin and his comforting presence washes over you as he runs his large hands over your back soothingly, whispering loving words.

The ringtone of a phone from the bedroom floor snaps Jaehyun out of his trance, and when he tries to move you cling onto his arm. “Don’t go,” you whine.

“I’m just going to answer the phone,” he coos, “I’m not leaving.” He places a soft kiss on your forehead before climbing off the bed to search for the source of noise in the pile of your thrown off clothes.

The ringing finally stops and you watch as you make out the outline of Jaehyun’s shadow placing the phone against his ear.

“Hello?” Jaehyun doesn't say anything else for a while, just listening to the person on the other side of the call while he runs a hand through his hair. You throw your head back against the pillow and sink further into the scented bed sheets when you realise who the caller is, letting out a muffled groan. “We’re coming back now.”   _____

Feedback always welcome! 

[eagehaunting]

Mystery March 2021 day 12: Friend

This is actually a sequel to the day 10 prompt! I hope you all enjoy!

A heavy beat from the drums of one of the bands made Lewis’s heart race. With each beat setting off a new wave of impulses and urges. Tapping his fingers against his tequila, Lewis wets his lips and tries to keep his attention solely on Arthur.

Arthur, who sips his Irish cream eagerly and softly pants. Considering that Arthur had been jumping around and dancing around him within a crowd, as musicians blare and sweat drenched people collide, it wasn’t a huge surprise. But Lewis almost wished he was in the crowd again, distracted by the loud noise, head too full of euphoria to pay attention to the pesky thoughts that kept poking at him.

Kiss him, just do it. Look at his face, look at his lips. Do it. Do it-

The tequila rushes down his throat roughly. Lewis resists the urge to cough against the acidic liquid. Thankful that it stopped his stream of thoughts and turning to god this is horrible.

Arthur casts him a glance, sipping his drink and letting it hit the table a bit harder than usual.

“You like it? Your drink, I mean?” He asks, staring at Lewis with wide eyes. So unlike him and yet so... nice. The wall between them felt lower, and if Lewis wanted to, he could step right over and grasp those flushed cheeks and got a taste of Irish cream-

Another sip. Clenching his eyes shut as the bitterness has him shivering. Finally Lewis nods and squishes his near empty cup, hardly realizing that it was close to empty. “I do actually. Thank you for buying me a few, it’s been nice.”

“Your f-face says otherwise.” Arthur murmurs, hardly lifting his mouth from his straw.

Lewis bobs his head in agreement, “I think I drank a bit too much. I’m actually getting a headache now.”

“Shit,” Arthur swallows thickly and his hand shoots out, grabbing Lewis’s hand- his drink, pulling his drink from Lewis’s clumsy fingers with more grace than he imagined from the drunk man. “We-well then maybe we should head out? I t-told Ya’ I wouldn’t keep you out here long.”

Before Lewis could object to his drink being stolen, Arthur’s hands stutter, and the glass tips over.

“Fuck!” They both say at the same time. Lewis snags a few napkins and frantically tries to wipe, Arthur scrambles to grab the glass, failing to avoid spilling the drink. “D-dammit, Lew, I’m sorry- shit. W-want me to buy a drink to go?” Arthur asks, voice high with worry. Lewis flickers up, frown falling with a sigh.

“It’s.. it’s fine. Really, don’t worry. Pl-plus, one of us should be a bit more sober when we go to get a cab out of here.”

Deflating, Arthur nods and miserably tries to suck down the rest of his. He downs a quarter of the glass easily before sputtering.

Look at him. We never see him like this. He’s so cute, so nice, why don’t we just say it-

Lewis’s eyebrows furrowing as he eyes the wet napkins holding his distraction.

Shit. He narrowly glances at the kernels of popcorn left in their mini bucket to his left, and the small bag of leftovers besides his feet.

Arthur’s lightly bouncing his toes. Eyes drifting over the crowd of people on the hill surrounding a stage, where a familiar band plays tunes Lewis could faintly recall singing along to on the way there-

Arthur gasps. Reacting to a new chord. He whips back to Lewis, bowing across the table and smacking his fingers against the grated table. “Lewis-! Ca-can we stay for just this song? I really like it and as soon as it’s over we can leave-“

Reaching over the table and lightly touching Arthur’s hand, Lewis waves off His rambling.

“Sounds perfect. I can order a cab now and clean up, and after this song we can leave.”

Arthur’s eyes light up, he nods eagerly. “N-need some help?”

“No, I got it. Just sit back and enjoy the song, okay?”

The song is bouncy, reminding Lewis of a tropical beach. Palm trees and sparkling lights that zip across the night sky. As well as the interior of a night club. He faintly pays attention to the song as he unzips his backpack and pulls out his and Arthur’s jackets, when the chorus catches attention.

I wanna ruin our friendship,

we should be lovers instead.

I don’t know how to say this, ‘cus you’re really my dearest friend.

Lewis’s heart stills. This has to be a joke. A cruel joke set up by the universe. A chill takes across his shoulders as the heartbeat like drums tap into his own, making his fingers twitch in time. Dropping the jacket onto Arthur’s lap, Lewis mumbles a command to put them on before gathering his trash and quickly escaping to throw them away.

See? Everything is telling you to go for it. He’ll accept, he has to, just listen!

His heart races, pounds. Every thought turned into a reflection of Arthur, his best friend, his.. crush. And all he wants to do is grab Arthur and pull him into a tight hug and hope that Arthur will understand what it means.

No. He cant. He can’t do that, what if it ruins everything? Arthur might hate him, might detest him, want nothing to do with him, leave him stranded.

But he might not.

Lewis’s heart stills, his skin prickling as a breeze presses against his front. Pushing him back to Arthur.

Turning around, Lewis catches Arthur’s eye. His new black hoodie makes his bright hair stand out, and highlights the warmth on his face. Amazing, his perfect, handsome best friend, waiting for him to come back so they can leave together.

I wanna ruin our friendship,

I don’t know how to say this,

’cus you’re really my dearest friend.

Lewis clears his throat as his feet move without warning. “H-hey, Arthur, can I tell you something?”

What was he even thinking to say? Hey Arthur, I love you in a romantic way. Arthur I want to be yours forever. I want to ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead-

Whatever sat on Lewis’s tongue vanished in an instant as he came within three feet of Arthur. His hands raised and grab at Arthur’s shoulders. Before Lewis realizes it, he’s leaning in.

Arthur’s eyes widen, Lewis’s eyebrows arch.

Their lips meet, and both of them freeze.

Lewis’s chest feels hollow as his heart fills it all with a racing beat, making his arms, legs, and stomach shaky as the moment replays again and again in his head. What may have been two seconds, felt like an hour before Lewis draws back. Panting, face and body tense, head throbbing with a new type of pain. His eyes searching desperately.

Arthur stares at Lewis blankly, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, face filled with shock or surprise or something that Lewis couldn’t really explain.

Arthur’s lip quirks up in what could have been a smile, but it’s apprehensive nature makes Lewis’s heart drop, “Wh-what was... Lewis? Why... what’s that about..?”

“I...” Lewis’s hands dangle there, lightly trembling. The song switches to something else with a roar from the crowd, becoming muffled as realization hits. “Arthur, I- I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what I was doing.” Tell him, tell him, TELL HIM! “I-I really like you, Arthur.” Lewis’s entire body shudders, weakness taking hold of every muscle as he tries to avert his eyes, only to land on Arthur. “I always have, ever since we were kids. I wanted- the entire trip I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I wasn’t sure how- or if it was even okay! I wanted to just s-say it. I’ve been wanting to kiss you this whole night, but I didn’t mean to force you-“

He’s lightly hit in the center of the chest, before Arthur grabs his shoulders. Lewis’s body and heart stills.

“Wait- seriously? You too? I- I mean we can keep kissing too if you want! I-I know I was kinda shit a minute ago, but I was just surprised.”

Wait huh? Lewis blinks as Arthur tries to close the gap between them again, but he pulls back, holding Arthur steady by his shoulder.

The incessant thoughts that were plaguing Lewis that whole day vanished, leaving him with his rational and his logic and a heavy cloud of what just happened looming over him. A storm cloud twisting in his racing chest and reminding him every way that this wasn’t okay.

But the tequila clouds his thoughts. All rational hidden in the cloud of smoke.

“W-wait. Maybe we can ... let’s wait until tomorrow? We’re a bit drunk right now, and I think that maybe we should talk about this when we wake up.”

He can only imagine Arthur’s thoughts spiraling by the confusion in his face, but Lewis pats his shoulder to snap him out of it. “N-not that I don’t think we should stop kissing, but I didn’t want our f-first to be like that. Right?”

Really, Lewis didn’t want Arthur to wake up filled with regret tomorrow. A measly kiss could be written off, but making out entirely? No. Lewis wasn’t going to allow it to go that far. His body already forced them enough.

They can wait.

And in fact, they did.

It wasn’t long waiting for their driver, not was it long to sit in the cab. Lightly brushing their fingers against the others and avoiding directly looking at each other. When they got back into their hotel, Lewis had to coax Arthur into the night ritual of brushing their teeth and undressing, as well as drinking some water before they crawled into their one, shared bed.

Lewis wasn’t sure how he managed to fall asleep so quickly, with his racing thoughts all surrounding his best friend beside him.

When he woke up, it all hit him all at once. The kiss most prominently lingering in his mind.

Being on his stomach let Lewis feel the cold sheets beside him, and lewis cracks open his eye to confirm that Arthur wasn’t still sleeping. In fact, Lewis caught a glimpse of the pale man leaning against the counter, with the familiar drip-drip of their portable coffee maker. The sun shining against his skin, making Arthur glow radiantly.

He might hate you. A thought points out, and Lewis closes his eyes to try and will away the churn in his stomach. The fear, the terror, the guilt...

His best friend, may hate him entirely...

Then as he shifts in his seat, a throb prickles through his head and Lewis groans unintentionally as the hangover blooms. He won’t be able to fall asleep now... maybe he should get it over with and get up.

Whimpering, Lewis pushes himself up and rolls onto his back, rubbing his palm against his forehead.

“Good morning, Lewis pepper.” Arthur’s croaky voice says, calm and gentle, Lewis could hear the smile on his face before he even opened his eyes. “Sleep well?”

“Mm,” Lewis groans and finally looks over at him, “I have a headache.”

“Hang over?”

“Yeah.”

There’s footsteps coming at him before a clink. Lewis opens his eyes, and a glass of water and two capsules are pressed into his face. Lewis takes it gratefully and swallows it back. Pushing himself off the bed, Lewis stretches and breaths in deeply, taking in the aroma of coffee and sweat from last night.

Arthur clears his throat, suddenly right behind Lewis, and becomes startlingly apparent when Arthur taps his shoulder and Lewis whirls around.

“So,” Arthur’s mouth is twisted up in his typical Kingsmen grin, it makes Lewis’s chest warm, “now that we aren’t totally blasted, let’s chat?”

It takes Lewis a moment to get over the surprise and embarrassment lodged in his throat before he nods. “Sure. I know I didn’t explain myself to to the best of my abilities. Perhaps over some coffee?”

“Sounds good. I have some brewing already, and I got your thermos ready for you.” Arthur thumbs to the kitchen and behind guiding Lewis there.

“Oh, how sweet.”

“Well of course, I am the sweetest!” Arthur says with a lazy flourish. Grabbing the coffee pot, Arthur begins to pour and Lewis takes his seat. Arthur then splashes in a sugar packet, a splash of milk, and a second larger splash of cinnamon creamer. His favorite, Lewis couldn’t resist smiling as he takes a sip.

“Thank you, Artie. It tastes really nice.”

“It does? Need any more sugar?”

“Hm,” another sip, “one more packet.”

Arthur tosses one to Lewis and takes a seat, folding his arms.

“So, I feel like I should ask one thing of you, Lew Lew.”

Pausing, Lewis hides his blush behind his thermos. Arthur continues.

“Give me a warning next time you’re going to steal my breath away?”

Lewis sputters and coughs into his hand, looking away. “I-I told you, I didn’t know what came over me. I’m not going to do it again.”

“And I didn’t think it would have happened at all. But one moment I was drinking Irish cream, jamming out, and the next minute all I could taste was tequila!” Lewis rolls his eyes and drinks his coffee as a distraction, and Arthur breathed out with amusement. “Not that I wouldn’t mind it happening again.”

[insufferablelust]

The dying and Its blossoming.

The one where Y/N love Spencer Reid, but soon find out that he might or might not have found someone else.

OKAY HELLO, this is the angst i talked about yesterday, it’s sad.. but has a happy ending so don’t cry just yet! anyway the reason why i write this is because i’ve been numb for few days and i want to cry bad so i just decided to write. And this is what i came up with, it made my soft ass cried so hopefully.. it can get through to you too, happy reading! oh and TAAHM is also uploading soon!

MASTERLIST OF ALL MY WORKS.

WARNINGS : ANGST, heartbreak stuff, fluff at the end, thats it i think!!

————🍃————

It was the little things he did that caught your eyes since you joined the team. The way he first introduced himself to you, shaking your hands with the brightest smile beaming on his face. The way he always put a coffee on your desk before you arrived. The way he would review all the case with you, going over the files together and staying late to work on paperworks together. The way he called you a week after Maeve’s death and asked you to stay on the phone. So on and so forth.

Falling for Spencer Reid is inevitable, how can it not be inevitable? when you and him practically do all things together, Dr Who marathons, Drive to Rossi’s, even accompanying him to Vegas one time to visit his Diana.

The first time you felt it, felt the spark— you shook away your thoughts and scoffed at yourself, it’s just a stupid crush. You tried, tried so hard to believe that it was just a stupid crush. Yet the more time you spent together, the more your heart take over your brain, convinced you to love him, and convinced you to think that he’s in love with you. Truth and confession aside, you could’ve sworn he’s in love with you, these are facts right? all these moments? surely it has to mean something to him, like it meant something to you.

Confuses and frustrated, the next person you called was Emily, your closest friend besides Spencer. She knows how head over heels you are for him, and how much you’re willing to do anything for him. So that night you spilled all your confusions and worries as you sipped on your wine, your teeth constantly biting your nails— if Spencer was here, he would’ve told you that “Y/N, do you know that biting your nails—“ and you would listen to him contently even if you already knew what he was about to say.

“It’s just— i’m not crazy to think he loves me back right? or at least like me?” You stresses, chugging down the last bit of your drink as you hear Prentiss chuckled on the other side.

“What? No Y/n, look i’ve practically grown up with you guys, and all i can say is that you both really need to realize how much you actually need each other, so stop worrying, go get your man.”

Now when Emily said that, she didn’t mean it as literally going over to Spencer’s house like what you were doing right now. Only wearing an oversize sweater and pair of jeans, you looked so comfy inside those sweater paws that you let out an annoyed huffed, ‘now he’ll think i’m a child’ then an idea popped inside your head, causing a big cute smile to appear on your cheeks. Your hand reached to the backseat, sighing when you find what you were looking for; Spencer’s purple sweater.

Now you didn’t stole it, he gave it to you, because you’ve mentioned one morning that “They are all sold out Spence! you’re one of the lucky ones” The annoyed look on your face must be so embarrassing that he gave his godforsaken lilac sweater to you the next day, with the Spencer reid’s famous smile “Here, you can keep it, i already washed it but it’ll probably smells like me still cause i smell like my clothes and i used my—“

“Lavender, you always use lavender for your clothes, i remember Spencer! oh my heavens! Thank you.” You can’t forget how seemingly happy he looked, cheeks flushed, as flushed as yours.

You sighed contently at the thought, as you exited your car, clutching his sweater on your chest as you head up to his apartment. Now you see, if the plan does work you’ll just say that you need for him to wear it again because the smell starting to wear off, which made you giggle. So you jog upstairs quickly to his apartment door before knocking, “Spencer?”

You frowned, usually he always opened his door right after you knock, why’s he taking so long? so out of worry you knock few times “Hello? Spencer?” this time you were met by voices of two people, giggling and hushing each other, as they got closer, you giggled in thought ‘maybe you’ll find garcia there who knows?”

But the moment someone opened Spencer’s door your eyes went wide, and your brain tries to make a sense out of what you’re seeing. Here standing in front of you is a girl, a stunning woman you’ve neither met or recognized but one thing you recognized is how well Spencer’s sweater clung on her body, and how happy she looked while she’s standing on his door wearing his clothes with his mug in hand.

“May i help you?” She asked with a smile, you could see the blue colored scrub bottom on her, A surgeon, judging by her uncharacteristically warm welcome, you guessed pediatrics. Damn it Y/N no time for profiling.

“Is spencer he—“

“Who is it, love?”

Oh... so this is why he canceled your usual movie night two days ago, this is why he’s been saying he’s busy when you asked him to drive you to your usual hangout library, this is why he’s been so happy recently.. this is the reason. a mid 20 possibly 30 years old gorgeous Surgeon with a warm smile and impossibly sweet attitude.

“Uh i think she’s your friend from work, Y/N right?”

You concluded then and there that you don’t like how she said your name, it was selfish but you hated how kind it sounds whilst you’re here standing in front of her, eyes glassy and lips trembling. Then when you thought you’ve seen it all, your eyes locked with Spencer, he— looked so content and comfortable, happy. He looked so happy with his...

“Y/N, hi what are you doing here so late? oh and Y/N meets (G/N) and (G/N) meets Y/N, she’s my best friend from work”

So thats what you were, Best friends who acts like a couple, best friends who hold hands, best friends who shared a drunken kiss, best friends who poured everything to each other, best friends who— you can go on and on yet you can feel how tight your chest is becoming, Anxiety— fuck you have to get out of here.

“Y/N?”

“I-i, uh here’s your um sweater, i— figured you might want uh it back, alright i gotta go now.” Spencer didn’t missed how your hand trembles so bad when you handed him the sweater, or how glassy your eyes looked, or how your face looked like it was drained of color, and how you struggled to breathe, her anxiety attacks.

“Y/N wait!” Before he could mention anything, she went down quickly and running towards her car.

“What was that all about?” His girlfriend asked him, which he shook his head in reply, and muttered “no idea, let me check” So he went down, to no surprise, her car was speeding away.

What Spencer didn’t know was that Y/N came home wishing she could’ve been smart enough to noticed the damn signs, or smart enough to never let her heart fooled her into thinking a genius, a guy like him would ever have any feelings for her.

She went to the bathroom, not bothering to wash her face instead she sat down near the sink and then she cried, she hugged her knees and Y/N cried that night, cried so hard that she tire herself out, falling asleep on the floor of her bathroom.

——————

The next morning, she woke up with a headache that’s practically yelling at her to take some meds and drink, her eyes opened slowly as she found herself laying on the cold bathroom floor. Slowly she tried to get up, holding onto the nearest wall as she feel her knees buckled and her head pounding, she let out string of curses before managing to stand fully, leaning over the sink to see herself in the mirror.

The sight is terrifying, her eyes bloodshot red, her face looks dull drained of color, her lips dry, her hair is a mess and her nose is runny. She continue to stare at her misery some more until her phone rang, flaring up the headaches. Great.. Must be a fucking case.

“Hello?” She mentally cringed hearing herself, she doesn’t sound like herself, she sounded like she just drank 30 bottles of alcohol then managed to broke her vocal cords.

“Hi... Y/N are you okay?” Emily’s voice was soothing at least, she sighed as she gulped down an aspirin and took some clothes out of her closet.

“Yeah, We have a case?” She knew that Emily would dig up the conversation more if she didn’t jumped straight to the point, and Y/N is in no mood to talk.

“Yes, wheels up in 40 but if you cant—“

“I’ll be there in 10.”

—————

Y/N took a quick shower, before putting on your work pants, a simple V-neck t-shirt and top it with a blazer, quickly gulping the rest of her water before combing her hair and then head out the door. When she parked her car, her memory drove back to last night, causing her to groan in mental and physical pain— tears welling in her eyes as she violently hitting the steering wheel.

“Not now, Not fucking now.” She closed her eyes before leaning back against the headrest and take a deep breath, calming herself down. She prayed to herself that she won’t break down if she sees Spencer.

She won’t break down.

She keep chanting that inside her pounding head as she walked out of the elevator, entering the bullpen, quickly grabbing her go bag and place it on top of her desk before heading upstairs to the meeting room.

She knew where he usually sit, so when she entered the room, she tried her best to look at Garcia, presenting the case. “Sorry i’m late, traffic is a damn bitch, Double homicide Garcia?” She asked, as she sit down between Emily and JJ, looking down at her files, noticed how stupid she was to use files instead of the tablet which she refused so she could review the cases with Spencer on the plane, Now look who’s laughing. What she didn’t realized realized is that all eyes were on her disheveled looking state, no amount of make up could cover the misery, i suppose.

“Yes, we’re thinking surrogates for a blond woman with wealthy family. Y/N are you okay?” She visibly tensed, hearing his voice is like opening up a fresh wound and pour some acid on top. She wished he could just shut up and not talk to her anymore, not now or in few days at least.

“Fine. Garcia, any other leads?” Y/N looks up to Garcia, to find her with a frown on her face, clearly wanting to say something. But Y/N has the pleading look in her eyes, and the way she tilted her head made Garcia shook her head and replied with a small “Nuh uh thats it, the rest is on your file” Nodding at her with a silent thank you, you get up and left the room, which in other cases Emily won’t appreciate but she let it slide because she knew something’s wrong.

“Y/N” Not him again, you muttered on your head, as you zipped up your go bag.

“Y/N..” Then he touched you, touched your arms, he touched you and you exploded, all your willpower ceased to exist as you swat his hand away and giving him a warning.

“Don’t touch me unless necessary, don’t talk to me unless it’s about the case, and do not call me by my first name, it’s agent Y/L/N, have a good day Dr.Reid”

—————

Throughout the entirety of the case, neither you nor spencer talk to each other, only piling up opinions about the case, the team have caught the unsub of course, so now you’re heading back to DC.

The longer you sit on the very opposite end to where Spencer sit, your mind started to wonder back to what happened three days ago. Being on the case has definitely helped distract you from the reality that Spencer Reid has a girlfriend and that you’re a fool to ever believed that he could love you. You’re so deep in thought whilst looking at the soft curls of his hair, you didn’t realized Emily has sat down next to you.

“A girlfriend?”

“What?”

“He has a girlfriend doesn’t he?” Your eyes darted to Emily’s as you sighed heavily, closing your eyes and leaned your head against her shoulder. “She’s a surgeon, pediatrics i think, she probably smarter than i am, um she smile a lot and she’s holding a cup of coffee when i arrived so i’m guessing she’s a nice person, there’re cat fur on her hair so i guess she has a cat which he should’ve hate being a germaphobe and all but i guess she love that kind.” Y/N half whispered half yelled, as she stared at his poking head still that is before she heard Emily burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry, Y/N you profiled her?”

“Em!” You whined as you shove her shoulder, you crossed your arms on your chest as you huffed and pout like a child. “I’m sorry it’s just.. oh god you even notices cat hair” She laughed again, which caused you to laugh loudly, feeling the joy overcome you in full force before you started to cry, not knowing why. Tears kept on falling down your face as Emily hugged you and rubbing your back “Its okay, let it out sweet girl. I got you.” That was the last thing you remembered before falling asleep.

—————

It’s been a week since the last case, you’re finally able to hold yourself up and not cry every 2 hours is an achievement. You spent your time on an autopilot mode, woke up, work, avoid Spencer depending if there’s a case or not, then lunch, cried in the bathroom, paperwork, avoid Spencer, return home, cried again watching Dr Who, falls asleep, woke up and repeat. That’s how you’ve been for a week, and you know how difficult it is to move on but you’re trying and thats what matters.

Knock knock

You furrowed your brows at the sound, Emily wasn’t supposed to be here until 2 PM, so why’s she visiting now at.. 11 am? You sighed as you put down your tub of ice cream and opened the door only wearing your pajamas since its sunday.

“Emily, its way to early to— Dr.Reid?” You can’t believe your eyes when you see a very nervous looking Spencer at your door, your heart still thump hard at the sight of him which you whined at inside— you still love him after everything. Damn it. You took a deep breath as you heard him say your name, before moving backwards to slam the door at his face,

“No! no no wait Y/N hear me out! please!” His voice cracks as he hold the door so you won’t have a chance to slam it in his face.

“What the fuck do you want? Is being an asshole and destroying my life enough for you?” You half yelled, as you turn around and let him see your angry tears. You were so mad at him, you hated him so much, yet you still love him just as much if not more.

“I know, i know you hate me and i deserved it. But please hear me out, you deserve explanation.” His voice are quivering, signaling he was about to cry as you chuckle darkly,

“Damn right i am. But i’m done, done with your games, i can’t keep up with you— i will never be enough and you have.. have someone so please just go and i’ll forget this will ever happen” You plead as your voice soften, you’re just exhausted, you want it to stop, you want to stop hurting. So you shoved him away before pushing the door,

“I love you! I’ve always loved you.” Your movement froze as you hear him continue, your tears still falling freely from your eyes

“The only reason why.. why i dated her is so that i can get over you. I thought.. i thought you’ll grow tired of me soon, and i don’t want to be the one who’s hurt so i.. i found her but i love you, i never stopped”

“You cant just assumed things like that Spencer! You can’t. You should’ve asked me you should’ve told me!” You’re full on yelling now as you let him in, god your neighbors is going to hate you.

“I know! I know but i never handled rejection well and you know that! everyone left me, my dad, Gideon, Morgan, Emily at one point, Hotch, and maybe my.. mom soon. I’m sorry Y/N, i really am, i’m— i’m sorry for being such a coward, for not telling you, for not—“ You cut him off with a kiss, pressing your lips against his in a desperate ‘i love you’ manner, you didn’t care, you just love him, and he could be lying but why? why would he be lying? You pulled back as you stare at him

“Have you end it?”

“5 days, 17 hours, and 28 minutes ago” You chuckled, the first time you chuckled after such a long time, as you let your head fall onto his shoulder.

“I love you too..” You whispered, causing him to hug you tightly as you both sob into each other’s arms, whispering I love you’s again and again like it’ll never be enough.

“I love you, Y/N Y/l/N, i swear.”

“I love you, sorry about calling you an asshole” You laughed nervously before he chuckled and leaned to push you on the couch, “You might have to make it up to me..” He teased, and you let out a grunt. “Fine, Blow jobs for a week anywhere you want..” His face beamed and he blushes before tickling you, “Deal, Baby.”

“Wait Spencer so does this mean—“

“Y/N, will you be the girlfriend of this asshole?” You let out a tear before nodding and tackling him to the couch to hug him tightly “yes, yes, yes i will” He kissed your lips quickly, reaching for his satchel and pull out a lilac sweater,

“I believe it’s yours”

“Like you’re mine?”

“Yours, always.”

——————

blurb requests are open! send some in, any genre is fine, and please like + reblog! if you have any constructive criticisms or feedback please private message me, thanks!

[mrsjokerphoenix]

CH. 1 Primed for Sin

Notes: This is my first fanfic so it’s probably not so good LOL its a bit personal and inspired by my own story of losing the love of my life. I was also listening to Slow dancing in a burning room by John Meyer to set the mood. Im open to constructive criticism so I can improve and make chpt 2 better. Enjoy

Ch. 1 primed for sin

This was your final walk down this hallway in Arkham hospital. The same hospital you came to a year ago looking for adventure and to escape the rut of all the daunting paperwork. When you were first hired by the CIA 6 years ago you naively thought it would be like a oo7 movie or spies you see in Hollywood movies. You couldn’t be more mistaken. A chuckle escaped your mouth as you signed in the sign in sheet. You could start to feel your legs getting heavier and heavier with every daunting step you took.

“Is Dr. Quinn in there? You asked the guard. Taking a drink of your black coffee. Bad idea your anxiety was already Moments away from becoming a panic attack.

“Yes, she’s waiting for you.” He answered in his usual bored monotone voice.

“Thank you, once she leaves bring in Arthur please and then you’re free to go as well until our session is over.” Quinn was Arthur’s state psychiatrist. You had paid her off so you could meet with Arthur privately. It had been a year and half since Meeting with Gary about a possible operation. Get his “lad” as he like to call Arthur, out of Arkham. Your specialty was arms deals but something in you wouldn’t let you turn it down.

You were able to pull some strings and be assigned as Arthurs new Doctor with the help of his current one. As a rogue agent you naturally distrusted her. Luckily she didn’t want the case and You were able to pay her off so she would leave during our sessions. Today would be the last one and by tomorrow Arthur or rather Joker would be a free man. You could feel your throat closing up. That lump in your throat threatening to suffocate you. No matter how much water you drank or coughing you did it persisted, reminding you just how much you had helplessly fallen in love. There was a chance you will never see each other again. It took every ounce in you to keep it together and not breakdown crying. You broke your most important rule “never fall in love” and now there was no going back. The realization of this left you breathless.

“ good job y/n” you mumbled sarcastically while setting everything down on the old warn down table. Arkham desperately needed to refurnish.

“How do you manage to get more beautiful every time I see you?” You had been so deep in thought, organizing your paperwork, and fighting back tears you didn’t notice Arthur walk in.

“Good morning to you too Arthur.” You grinned from ear to ear as he made his way to give you a hug. “are you ready for tomorrow?” You asked looking up and admiring how beautiful this man was. His salt/pepper hair slicked back leaving his features highlighted. The way his full brows made his green eyes so intense you could get lost in them forever. You had to look away. Never before had you seen eyes that held so much beauty and danger.

“Lets not talk about that kitten, I want this hour to be special. It is our last time meeting you know.” He said shooting you a half smile that made you weak in the knees. But you could see the sadness that decorated his face. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Arthur was so worried about you. Sweet Arthur if only others could see the real you. They would love you as much as I do.

“Look at me please” he ordered. “Youve been crying haven’t you?” Shaking his head

You wanted to lie, deny the whole ordeal, brush it all under the rug but you couldn’t lie to him and you fell into his arms. “Im going to miss you so much. I love you and I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I know we cant be together right now but it hurts. It hurts so much I cant breath.” Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.

He pulled you into his arms. His warmth would seep into your being and he comforted you without ever opening his mouth. You felt one of his tears cascade down your shoulder.He was intoxicating and every cell in your body craved him like an addict craves his fix. “Im sorry doll” his voice was heavy with pain, the same way guilt weighed down upon his shoulders.

“I know and i will be ok as long as you are safe, that’s all that matters to me Arthur” you replied forcing your voice to sound as normal and not break in the same way your heart was shattering with every second that passed.

He held you tightly. Hands on the small of your back while you wrapped your hands around his neck and face resting on his chest. The two of you danced with grief in the tiny white room in Arkham. Where it all begin. Unforeseen by you meeting him for the first time was like coming out of a hibernation you didn’t know you were in. His eyes green like spring breaking through winters snow. The same room where you had laughed, cried, and talked about the future together. You felt so complete in his arms. He took away the emptiness that like an abusive partner threatened to never leave and you a patient with Stockholm syndrome Obeyed finding comfort in it. You wanted to melt into him and become one so that nothing could ever tear you apart from him.

“We will see each other again I promise.” trying to not only convince him but convince yourself as well.

Arthur started humming the tune of one our favorite songs we slowly danced in a burning room. He whispered those dark silly jokes he was so proud of and knew would get a chuckle out of you. Oh how you prayed time would stop this instant and you could keep experiencing his velvet soft touch. Arthur was your home and soon you’d find yourself homeless once more.

A knock on the door jerked us back into reality. “Its time to take Mr.Fleck back to his room” you heard from across the door.

“Yes gives us a minute please!” You shouted resentfully. It wasn’t the guards fault but you had to take it out on someone. Grasping at any sense left of control.

“Time flies when you’re having fun” he said taking a seat across from your desk. It would be the last time he would sit in that chair. The chair that was a witness to our love story. Once comfortable he gracefully put a cigarette in between his lips and lit it. You found yourself Getting lost in his graceful confident movements. The opening of the box. The click of the lighter. The slight tilt of his head. Crisp burning of a cigarette. First small inhale. Exhale not letting it reach his lungs. The lift of his neck. Long drag. Exhale. It was as if time had slowed down. almost as if the universe was gifting you this so you could take it all in only for it to be preyed away from hands. Only leaving with you those haunting memories of what no longer is. Grieving for what will never be. Oh bittersweet universe. You cruel bastard.

“Yes, sorry” you said. You could feel your cheeks turn cherry red.

“You can stare at me all you want doll.” He insisted.

“Cocky arent we now.” We both broke into laughter. It seemed to lighten the air in the room. Thank God, those sinister white walls felt like they could collapse on you at any second.

still standing leaning on the desk. you turned to pick up the folder on the desk. You had gone over the plan several times and you were confident things would run smoothly. “Gary did a great job putting a team together for you” You advised.

Arthur reached to grab the folder not saying a word. “All the documents to your new properties, weapons bought. Also the names of politicians, law enforcements and agents that will be working for you are also included. Just incase they want to cause problems.”

“I love you y/n always remember that” he finally said.

“I love you too Arthur, Good luck tomorrow everything will work out as planned.” Arthur leaned in for one last tender passionate kiss. His honey sweet tongue dancing with yours to a tune only you two were privy to. Suddenly the guard barged in to take him.

“Im sorry to interrupt but its time” walking towards Arthur. If looks could kill you would have killed him a thousand times over.

You watched as he was handcuffed again and lead out of the room. Arthur never taking his eyes off of you. As soon as the door closed your legs betrayed you as you feel to your knees. The pain flooded every inch of your body like a dam unable of being contained any longer. Tears stinging as they made their way down your cheeks. “Comeback please!” You tried to yell in vain. Unable to find the strength to let it out. “Why do you always take from me God, everything I love gets taken” you cursed at the sky. You had not felt such intense pain since the passing of your mother. Finally finding the strength to pick your shaking limbs off the floor, you noticed a folded note on the desk.

“I was never really insane, except on occasions where my heart was touched.” Go with me doll, i cant do this alone. meet me at the warehouse. We leave at 9. Joker

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 8

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn foe the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, violence, abuse, language and torture. If youre triggered by any of this then i suggest you dont read.

An hour later we were back at the garage. Me and sam both worked up a sweat but we had fun. We even raced back to the bunker but i think he let me win.

I walked down the steps and found dean in the library with his feet propped up on the table. Sam said he was going to get a shower and disappeared down the hall.

"Have a good run?" Dean asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I did, it was just what i needed. Fresh air and time to clear my head. I feel great, well i will after i get a shower. Im all sweaty." The last line made dean take a deep breath in and he closed his eyes. Seemingly battling with whatever was going on inside his head.

I took this time to mess with him a little. "My clothes are glued to me. Im going to have to peel them off." Dean growled and threw his head back, i couldnt help but giggle.

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a drink. I tipped the bottle and a little bit of the water ran down my chest, down my clevage area and into my sports bra. I rubbed the water over my neck and down my chest, a small moan escaped my lips.

"Thats a good way to cool off." I opened my eyes to see dean watching me with that same flame in his eyes as earlier. I bit my lip and smiled as he ran a hand over his face. He pushed his chair back and walked over towards me.

He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me in close to him. "I know what youre fuckin doing. Its not funny."

I ducked my head, "im sorry, i dont know what it is. When youre near me i just get this feeling come over me. It wont happen again."

I pulled away from him and made my way down the hall towards my room. Before i got to my door i looked behind me to see dean sprinting towards me. He pushed me up against the wall as his lips covered mine. Our tongues danced with each other as my hands found their way into his hair.

"Youre driving me crazy, (Y/N). Dont you know that?" Dean said as his lips found the sensitive spot on my neck.

"Im sorry." I moaned against his shoulder.

"Dude, you both have rooms ya know." Sam said from the hallway beside of us. Dean pulled away from me just as sam walked towards his bedroom and shut the door.

Dean looked back at me, he laid his forehead against mine. "I cant do this."

I finally got the nerve to speak up, "why dean?"

He closed his eyes, "(Y/N), youve been through so much in such a short amount of time. I cant take advantage of you, cause thats what it would be. Youre confused right now. You are trying to heal from what parker has done to you. Give yourself some time."

I shook my head, "no dean, im thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. I want you and im not going to change my mind."

I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. I sat him down on the bed and i sat beside him. "Why do you think you would be taking advantage of me?" I asked placing my hand on his knee.

"Because thats what it would be." Dean said averting his eyes from mine.

"Youre not like that dean."

He shook his head, "you dont know anything about me."

I straddled him and took his face in my hands. "I know enough about you to know that you wouldnt do that to me. I trust you. I know you feel this whats going on between us, i can see it in your eyes."

"(Y/N), please." He tried to pull away from me but i wasnt having it.

"You have made me feel more alive in these past two weeks then i have my entire life. You calm me and excite me at the same time. I crave your touch dean." I whispered the last line against his lips.

I took his hand in mine and put it against my hip under my shirt. "Touch me dean." He screwed his eyes shut as his jaw muscle clench. "Please. Touch me, i need you." I whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes tight and growled, "damn it." His hands were everywhere. He pulled my shirt over my head in a flash and threw it behind me. His lips found the right spot on my neck as he unclasped my bra, it fell to the floor as well. His hands cupped my breasts roughly, his mouth on one nipple as he pinched the other.

I threw my head back as a moan escaped my lips. I ripped his flannel from his shoulders and soon his shirt. At least we were skin to skin from the waist up. One of his hands were tangled in my hair gripping and pulling tight as his other was on the back of my neck.

"Oh dean." I whispered against his neck. He flipped us to where i was laying on the bed, i let out a small giggle as he smiled against my lips. He gripped the waist band of my shorts, he looked up into my eyes i guess asking for permission. Making sure that this is what i wanted. I raised my hips up and he took that as a yes. He pulled them down and gasped as he saw that i wasnt wearing underwear.

"Youre so fuckin beautiful." He said as he knelt down in front of me. He pushed my thighs open and didnt waste any time devouring me. His tongue flicking and making circles around my clit, i writhed beneath him clawing at his head. My fingers tangled in his hair and pulled lightly.

An animalistic growl came from him and it shook me to my core. I started to tense as i felt my orgasm building inside of me. "Dean, im so close." I whispered, trying to keep it down as to not disturb sam.

He then slid two fingers inside me and i couldnt keep quiet any longer. My orgasm rocked through me as dean pounded his fingers inside me and never let up on my clit.

"Oh....my......god.......yes!" I screamed out as i felt a warm gush running down and soaking the sheets. After i had quit shaking dean was on top of me. He had shed the rest of his clothing sometime while i was coming down from my high.

"You sure you want this?" Dean asked as i felt his dick pressing against my entrance. I nodded and he shook his head, "you gotta tell me sweetheart." I growled in frustration, "just shut up and fuck me winchester."

He smiled and slowly entered me. He was being gentle like he was trying not to break me. I pushed my hips up letting him know to go faster. He really started moving as another orgasm hit me.

"Thats it baby, cum all over my cock. Oh yeah baby, im cumming." Dean yelled as his veins protruded from his neck. After we came down from the bliss of finally becoming one dean slumped beside me on the bed. He rolled over on his side and pulled me close to him, "that was the best sex ive ever had." He said his breathing ragged.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

I nodded and placed a kiss in the middle of his chest. "Im better than okay, i dont know if there are words for the way im feeling right now." But in the back of my mind i knew one word that i almost let slip, love. I loved dean winchester but i couldnt tell him.

My eyes opened some time later, i didnt even realize i had fallen asleep. The bed was empty beside me, i ran my hand over the cold sheets he hadnt been there for a while. I stood up and found his flannel on the floor, wrapped it around me feeling secure wrapped in his masculine scent. I button a few buttons just enough to be decent if sam was around and made my way out to find dean.

I walked into the kitchen thinking he might be there but he wasnt. The clock on the coffee maker read 3:15 am. Theres no way he could be out at this hour, unless i wasnt enough for him and he went out to find something better.

I got a bottle of water from the fridge and walked into the library. I spied dean sitting at the table a bottle of whiskey and a half full glass which he downed when he saw me.

"Are you okay?" He asked gruffly

I nodded, "yeah, why wouldnt i be?"

He poured some more in his glass and drank half of it before speaking again. "Im so sorry, i should have controled myself more. After everything youve been through...." He stopped and downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass.

I walked over to him and before he could refill it i took the glass from him and placed it on the table. I sat on his knee and took his face in my hands. "Hey, why are you worrying about this so much. If i didnt want it and i wasnt ready i wouldve said so." His green eyes were red rimmed and i could see unshed tears in them. "I love you dean. I wanted to say it before but i was scared of your reaction. Im not scared anymore."

I smiled at him but he didnt return it. "You cant love me. Its to dangerous. Im sorry." With that he gently lifted me off his lap, then he walked up the stairs slamming the bunker door behind him. Not what i expected. After everything that had happened between us only a few hours ago i was sure he cared for me in some way. The way he just ran out on me proved otherwise. The tears fell that i didnt even know were coming, i sat there for an hour before i decided i no longer want to be here.

I made my way to sams door and began knocking. When he answered the door his hair was a mess and sleep clung heavy in his eyes.

"(Y/N). Whats wrong?" A tinge of worry in his voice.

"Im packing up and leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything." I said tears still streaming down my face.

"Wait, what? Why? What happened, what brought this on?" He opened the door all the way bidding me to come in.

After i had explained everything to sam it was nearly dawn. "Im sorry sam but i cant stay here. I just wanted to let you know."

Sam nodded, "i understand but dean is very closed off. You have to understand that everyone hes ever loved hes lost them some way. He doesnt want to add more names to the list. Hes only protecting you so he cares, even if he didnt show you the way you thought he would."

I shook my head, "i still cant stay here. Not anymore, ive been a burden long enough."

Sam sighed and placed his hand on my knee. "Youve never been a burden. Thats all in your head, but if youre set on leaving do me a favor."

I looked up into his eyes for the first time. "What?"

"Dont go far. We have someone you can stay with until we figure this out about parker. Youll be safe there."

"Who is it?" I asked in a low voice. Hating to have to be a burden on yet another person.

Sam smiled, "another hunter, one of the best actually. His name is bobby singer. He will welcome you with open arms. Then after all this blows over and we end this you can go where ever you want to go if its still what you want."

"On one condition." I stood and walked to the door. "Dont tell dean where i am. Just tell him i left and that im okay."

Sam nodded, "okay, ill call bobby and work everything out."

I nodded then walked out the door. I had everything packed up in 10 minutes seeing that everything dean had bought me was still in the store bags and what wasnt i gathered up in just a few minutes. I changed my clothes and walked back down to sams door he was standing outside it waiting on me.

"Bobby said he would meet halfway and pick you up. You ready? You got everything?" Sam asked.

I nodded, "yeah just give me a minute ill meet you in the library."

Sam nodded and made his way to the library. I walked to deans door and opened it seeing the room bare. I laid my favorite shirt of his, the one that gave me so much comfort on his bed. I let a few tears spill down my cheeks but the memory of him walking out on me dried them up quickly. I shut the door silently and made my way to sam.

He had my bags in his hands and gave me a sad smile. I made my way up the stairs and to sams car. It wasnt like the impala but as long as it got me to bobby then thats all that matters. If the winchesters trusted him then so did i. I had heard stories about bobby how he was a second father to them.

We drove in silence for a few minutes but sam decided to break it. "You dont have to do this. You should still stay with us."

"I cant sam." Was all i said.

"You know dean will eventually find out where you are. Not by me of course, but he will eventually. Cas could find you easily." Sam said with a sigh.

I shook my head. "Tell cas not to tell dean. I dont want him to come look for me. He made it clear how he felt. Im not enough for him. Parker was right."

"(Y/N)..."

"No sam, dont try to make it out to be anything more than what it is. He doesnt care for me, not the way that i do for him. I was a fool to think he could." I tried to not let my voice shake but i failed at that. When sam opened his mouth to speak again i silenced him with holding my hand up.

We drove for three hours until sam pulled off the road beside a beat up blue car. A elder man stood outside the drivers side door with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the door.

Sam got out first and moved to the trunk to get my bags. I stepped out as the elder man opened his trunk.

After the bags were placed in the trunk bobby walked over to me. "You must be (Y/N), im bobby."

"Nice to meet you bobby." I shook his outstretched hand as he smiled at me. I turned back towards sam, my heart breaking all over again. I gave him a sad smile as a tear slid down my cheek.

He engulfed me in a hug, "if you ever need us, or me all you have to do is call."

I nodded not trusting myself to speak.

When he let me go i gave him a quick peck on the cheek and climbed into bobbys car. Knowing if i was to look back i would change my mind. Bobby climbed in soon after and sped off in the opposite direction from where me and sam came. I watched in the mirror as long as i could, until sams tail lights werent visible anymore.

"So, why are you runnin?" Bobby asked, surprising me.

"Sam didnt tell you?"

He nodded, "he told me, still doesnt answer the question. Why are you runnin?"

I sighed, "dean walked out on me after i told him how i felt. I thought he cared about me. I was wrong, parker was right. Ill never be good enough for anyone."

"Well darlin, im going to be blunt with you. Dean is a idjit when it comes to loving or caring for someone. I love him like he was my own but sometimes he can be a real pain in the ass."

"You can say that again." I sigh.

"But he has a good reason for being distant with people. The less people you love and are close to the less people you lose. Its just the way this life is." Bobby finally finished.

I understood where bobby was coming from. Still i wasnt enough for dean. So my choice still remained the same.

We pulled up in front of bobbys house a couple hours later. He carried my bags up the stairs as i followed behind him. He led me into im guessing a spare room that was used as a file room. There was a queen sized bed against the wall but other than that it was just files and file cabinets and books.

"Its not much, sorry about the mess ill have it cleaned up in a few days." He said placing my bags at the foot of the bed. "You have the whole top floor to yourself. My room and bathroom is downstairs."

I nodded and smiled "you dont need to rearrange your life for me. I wont be staying long."

Bobby turned towards me with a solem look on his face. "Now (Y/N), i promised sam i would look after you until parker was took care of."

"Look i intend to stay here until parker is dealt with, but in the meantime i want to learn how to hunt. I want to take him out myself. I want you to teach me everything you know."

Bobby was hesitant for the first few days but eventually he agreed. A week into my lessons and i was beat, but i was determined to be in this life. I was becoming stronger and it was also helping me deal with alot of issues. Never again would i be a victim.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[xtheseviolentdelightsx]

Out Of The Blue

Chapter 1: Mornings at the No Doze Cafe

One of Blue’s favorite things in the entire world was her ability to walk into the No Doze coffee shop at five a.m. every…single…morning and have a mocha waiting on the counter for her with the name Doc lovingly scribbled on the side, along with her usual everything bagel and cup of yogurt. It was a truly beautiful way to start the day even when the days stretched out so long that they ran into one another.

“Morning Ash.”

She greeted her best friend with a warm smile, and no she wasn’t her best friend just because she happened to be a caffeine dealer.

“Morning Blue.”

Ashley smiled back as she looked up from stocking the front display case with decadent pastries in an array of colors that just made you kind of happy to look at.

Blue was convinced that heaven itself had sent Ashley to her in the form of a freshman roommate at Harvard. Ash was her first true friend and over time had become her sister by choice. Like many of her overachieving classmates Ash had opted their junior year to start her own business while still attending classes. Her valiant attempt at a coffee empire came in the form of the No Doze café which had inevitably become their new home. Blue had spent as many hours studying here as she had at the library and had drank her weight in coffee a rather embarrassing amount of times. Now that Blue was in the second year of her residency program she didn’t get to spend as much time here as she would like and found herself seriously missing quality time with Ash.

“What’s today Blue?”

Ash was looking her up and down, openly assessing her appearance.

“Day one.”

Blue stifled a yawn.

“I knew you looked a little less like the walking dead. How many hours last week?”

“One hundred and eight.”

Blue tugged at her chestnut curls in order to tighten her ponytail.

“It’s the scrubs that gave it away, right? The fact that they’re clean?” She snarked, green eyes glittering with amusement.

“Is this primitive torture really necessary in this day and age? I thought hazing was illegal or at least seriously frowned upon and it just seems like an awful kind of hazing. I launched a business while going to school and worked less hours.”

Ash leaned her hip against the counter, arms folded, the picture of indignation on Blue’s behalf.

It touched Blue’s heart that Ash worried about her health and well-being, she’d never had that before, someone to care and it meant the world to her.

“You’re not wrong. I’m not sure how performing medicine while propping yourself up by IV stand is a good idea but some traditions refuse to die, no matter how many times you try to stab them to death. Some ass of a Doctor probably resuscitated the tradition while it was trying to bleed out.” She finished with a half shrug and a grin.

“Only one more year, right?”

“Four hundred and eighty-three days, not that I’m counting.”

The quiet laughter behind her made Blue turn.

“Oh, my apologies, didn’t mean to hold y’all up.”

“No hurry. I think you might need your caffeine fix more than we do Doc and that’s saying something.” The striking man smirked at her.

“Morning coffee buddy.”

“Thanks Clint, that means a lot coming from you. I know your coffee habits, I live them. Good morning.” Blue grinned and turned back to pick up her order. As she grabbed her coffee Ashley planted a kiss on her cheek.

“Good luck, try to fit in some sleep.”

“Yes mom,” Blue replied affectionately.

Ashley and Blue were used to the Avengers coming in at this point, they’d become regulars over the course of the last year. Even though they were daily flyers, Blue and Ash privately agreed that what they’d never adjust to was just how beautiful the heroes were in person. It was obnoxious really; genetics did not play fair.

Clint was the most frequent patron, often in multiple times a day. Sam, Steve and the rather intimidating Sergeant Barnes were in most mornings after their run. Others were less predictable. They figured it had to be a mix of the good coffee and the distance that brought them in, they were less likely to run into reporters or fans here. Whatever their reasons, every single damn one of them looked like a cover model and had the audacity to look that good whether it was five in the morning or midnight. On the days Blue drug herself in feeling like a certified zombie, that was seriously annoying, particularly as two of them tended to make her heart beat a little faster and she sure as hell didn’t have time for any of that nonsense.

Blue fell into the comfy, overstuffed chair at her favorite table. She then engaged in the last part of her morning ritual where she tuned out the world and spent exactly twenty free, joyous minutes reading something that was neither for school nor work. It was always a mystery novel of some flavor and this weeks was Hardcore Twenty-Four by Janet Evonivich. Interruptions to this beloved ritual were rare but this morning the quiet clearing of a throat caused her to look up.

“My apologies mam.”

Came in the form of a low rumble that threatened to make her toes curl. Blue knew he wasn’t an Angel but when she looked up at Steve Rogers, it was just a very little bit like looking into heavenly light.

“Hi Steve. What’s up?” Came out of her mouth but her internal monologue was busy running off the rails… “I am almost done with med school. I absolutely do not have time to date. He isn’t interested anyways; he’s just being nice. He’s really so very nice and kind and it would be so easy to talk to him…BUT every woman in the world probably throws themselves at his feet, with good reason, but I can do better than that, be better. I can be his friend. My pulse is not racing, my eyes will not dilate and the dopamine in my system will stay put. Friends are good. Be cool Blue.”

“Is it any good?” He gestured to the book. “I’ve picked up a couple I’ve seen you with but realized as a connoisseur it… well it would be nice to get your opinion before I bought them.” He finished with a smile and a small shrug.

“Mystery fan?”  Did he just admit that he’d been watching her for weeks? That can’t be right. It’s just a coincidence, they frequent the same coffee shop, they both love mysteries. He was noticing her books not her.

Steve nodded. “I love a good read.”

Blue canted her head to the side. “You know…I never go back to them. Why don’t I just pass on the good ones when I finish one?” See she could be a good friend, that was definitely an offer a friend would make.

“Are you sure? I mean that would be really great, I would seriously appreciate it.”

He ran a hand through his hair and Blue could almost swear it was a nervous gesture. That was a funny thought though, him nervous talking to a little street waif like her, highly unlikely. On the other hand, if she were standing right now, her knees would maybe be a little weak.

“Mhhmm, no problem, I’d be happy to.” Blue gave him a small smile as if it was no big, keeping her façade of cool, at least she hoped that’s what it looked like.  

“Anything else?”

Steve grinned, shook his head no and made a small huff that was almost a laugh. “No Doc. I truly look forward to it, thank you.” He knew when he’d been dismissed.

Blue nodded not quite clear on what was so funny. “Have a good day Mr. Rogers.”

Steve winced. “Steve, please. Mr. Rogers makes me sound like I host a children’s tv show.”

Blue’s eyebrows raised in confusion. “Huh?”

“No TV allowed in Blue’s house growing up Steve. Blue there was a Mr. Rogers who hosted a famous children’s TV show. Good stuff, you’d like it actually.” Ash interjected, swooping to her rescue.

“No TV, probably why she’s a Doctor and I’m slinging coffee.”

“Oh please.” Blue laughed as she exchanged a grateful glance with Ash.

Steve’s face lit up. “Someone else who is as woefully under educated about pop culture as I am? I didn’t think it was possible.”

Blue simply shrugged in response and her eyes moved back to the page of her book so she could mask her embarrassment. She hated feeling so out of the loop, but her lack of pop culture education often left her feeling that way. Steve took that as his cue to leave. Because she wasn’t watching she missed the amused glances shot back and forth between Steve, Clint and Sergeant Barnes at her not so subtle dismissal.

The small interruption had the unfortunate side effect of killing her focus and Blue’s mind naturally started the predictable slide into work mode.  Ten minutes later when her alarm went off, she was still on the same page. With a sigh she tucked her bagel into her bag, it was a habit she couldn’t shake, always carrying extra food with her. Then she shouldered the bag, picked up her trash and headed out the door. As the shop door closed behind her it set off the happy tingle of the shop bell which covered the sound of Clint’s bemused laughter.

“Poor Steve, all the women in the world falling all over you and the one you finally decide on is utterly oblivious.” Clint goo-naturedly ribbed his friend.

“Hey Ashley, you don’t think she’s aware and just playing hard to get?” Clint was kind of dying to know.

Ash bit back a laugh. “No. Her focus is laser about getting through med school. I’ve known her for six years and she hasn’t been on a single date, as far as I know. Blue’s on scholarship and takes it seriously, she has to considering her circumstances. Excuse me for a sec guys.” Ashley stepped back into the kitchen as an oven timer began to ring.

“Steve’s never had game.” Bucky spoke softly as he squeezed his partner’s arm just above the elbow. As Ash had stepped away and it was just the three of them, he laid a tender kissed on his lips. “I find it endearing.” Bucky watched fondly as a blush climbed up Steve’s neck. “He does have excellent taste though.”

Steve shook his head and grinned. “It’s refreshing, honestly. She’s not any different with us than with anyone else I expect. I wonder what Ash meant about her circumstances?”

“Not sure but she just might be worth the wait. Poor woman doesn’t know what’s about to hit her if you are both intent on pursuing her.” Clint mused.

Steve gave Bucky a questioning look. Bucky pressed a kiss to his forehead and murmured softly. “She’s lovely, don’t give up. I’m looking forward to our first date.”

Bucky’s recovery had come a long way since Steve had saved him but in public he still preferred to let Steve take the lead and do the talking. He remembered how things were before, how he used to be the ladies’ man, but he wasn’t that person anymore, never would be again. Steve loves him anyways and that is far more than he deserves. Steve’s happiness is paramount to him, so he’d noticed Steve’s interest in the young Doctor before Steve was even aware of it.

He’d given the situation quite a bit of thought before encouraging his partner in that direction. They’d shared women in the past but had never considered adding one to their relationship long term. He and Steve were shadow and light, yin and yang, maybe too much so. A third might make things easier on Steve and he needed to make Steve happy. He owed him that. Now if they could just get Blue to give in to her interest in Steve. Of course, Steve would pick the one girl in the free world who wasn’t ready to throw themselves at his feet. Of course, he would, but he couldn’t fault Steve his choice. The more he observed the woman, the more he found his own interest piqued.

The doctor was different. Her phone wasn’t perpetually in her hand, she wasn’t constantly distracted by technology. She had noticed them, was surprised by their presence but he’d witnessed the moment she had visibly reigned her interest in. It had been a curious act of self-control. The more he’d watched the more he found himself intrigued and admittedly attracted. Unfortunately, their courtship seemed to be moving as slow as snail mail.

[weareallfallengods]

Survival

Writing prompt:

If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?

I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.

********************************************

Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.

At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.

When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.

See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.

But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."

And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.

I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.

And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.

His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.

On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.

But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.

But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.

And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.

Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.

The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.

But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.

They found me.

I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.

See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.

Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?

And I was now 25.

It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.

I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.

I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.

And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.

And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.

This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.

Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.

And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?

Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.

I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.

I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.

So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.

And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."

As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.

The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.

I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.

"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.

I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.

-Soon,

Baddar"

Well, this is interesting.

[natalia-demichelis]

Running Out of Excuses.

((Warning: Long read and contents of this RP cannot be used for IC knowledge without prior consent))

Wildbell was always lovely during the bright light of day with sprawling gardens filled with manicured flower bushes and ponds filled with all manner of fish and swans. In contrast however, a strange enchantment took over the estate at night with bright full moonlight cascading into the master suite where the newlyweds slept. Well at least one of them did. Soft chocolate hues scanned over the resting handsome features of her beloved husband before she leaned in and pressed the most gentle of kisses to his cheek just above the stubble that was starting to grow in. Her nude form pulled itself from the bed that she had slept alone in for several years, glad to have him to share it with now. White silken fabric draped over her slender frame as she pulled on a simple night robe on and meandered out to the balcony that overlooked the moonlight drenched grounds.

Pleasant dreams gave wake to wakefulness as the body lying alongside him began to shift. Heavy lids pulled open, only to catch a glimpse of his newly minted wife beyond the balcony doors. Thumb and middle digit rose and dug into the corners of his eyes in a poor attempt at chasing away sleep, before he pulled himself from the comforts the bed provided. While decency was the furthest from his mind, he covered the sharp curvature and carved features of his form with a robe and pulled himself into a stance. Both arms went over head, easing tired muscles into a stretch as he followed her onto the balcony. Moonlight filtered through the clouds and cast a silvery haze upon the grounds below-- was it early morning or late evening? He truly didn't know. "Dare I ask," He spoke gruffly and gravely, sleep unrelenting. "...Lady Holt, what has found my wife from our bed?" He crept up behind her, lightly dragging the ridges of his knuckle along the sleek arc of her spine.

Lost in her own thoughts, Natalia hadn’t heard Kaidren stir out of bed and make a path to her. It wasn’t even until his knuckle ran down her spine, eliciting a small jump accompanied with an involuntary shiver, that his baritone words registered in her mind. “It’s too warm for me to be able to sleep,” she smiled fondly over her shoulder at him. “I thought I’d maybe cool off out here.” She turned to face him, soft feminine hands rising to rest upon his broad chest. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

“You didn't disturb me, my love..." He mused, twirling a strand of her dark hair around his index. "...Your absence did." Burying his face in her hair and indulging in the sweet, flowery aroma tangled amidst her strands, he pressed a kiss to the back of her head and rounded her form, digging his right hip into the stone banister. "So, Lady Holt..." The corner of his mouth ticked upward with a hint of humor. "...what do you have planned for you and I while we are here in your barony? Horseback riding... picnics... meeting the townsfolk?" Cerulean irises flick across her form, one hand lifting to pull a few strands of her hair from the arc of her cheek.

Long, black eyelashes fluttered down to rest upon the upper crest of her cheeks, feeling his body heat emanating from him through the thin fabric of her robe. She silently craved his touch with every breath she breathed, needing to fill her nostrils with the scent of sandalwood and scotch that she associated with him. A soft hum of contemplation sounded from her as she hugged her slender form before opening her eyes to look at him. “Introducing you to those within my lands would be wise and necessary, but I am feeling a bit selfish and want to keep you to myself just a little longer.”

While leaning against the stone banister, Kaidren extended both limbs in order to draw her into his embrace and tuck her head beneath his chin. "It is perfectly reasonable to want to be selfish; I feel that way every time I am forced to choose between your company and work. However," he paused, another breath inward allowing her scent to pervade his nostrils and filling the immediate milieu with the sound of his contentment. "I have you for the rest of my life... so I am not all that upset when we part... I have the thought of coming back to you to look forward to."

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to the center of her forehead; the warmth of his kiss lingered far longer than he intended, though only managed to give validation to the adoration he held for her. However, once his butterfly kiss ended, he found his mouth ensnared in another kiss, one in which he added to by tightening his arms around her waist and tensing his jaw. "I'd feel sorry for any of the villagers that proclaimed they loved me more than you, Lady Holt. " The edges of his mouth tug upward in a faint grin. "Or anyone, for that matter."

The ball of her foot left the floor, hovering just an inch above it while her arms around his neck pulled him in even closer if that was possible. She leaned in and nipped him gently and playfully on his nose, a complete contrast of the proper lady he had courted. Natalia was completely at ease with him now and she felt free to be playful when it was just them two. “No one can love you as much as I do, My Lord.” Another sweet kiss was pressed to his lips before she canted her head to the side, her coffee colored tresses tumbling forward in a cascade over her shoulder. “I had an idea I wanted to run by you.”

Kaidren's right arm tightened around her waist and hoisted her up enough so that his returned kiss would be unimpeded by her height. He held her aloft for many moments before returning her to the stonework below. "No one, Lady Holt?" The corner of his mouth ticked upward in a hint of humor in the same motion as his eyebrow coming to quirk high into his forehead. After the many butterfly kisses that left her sweetness on his lips, he lowered his mouth to the center of her forehead and eased close; the embrace was soft, gradual, and not something born of force or a sudden need. "An idea, you say?" He loosened his grip upon her form and relaxed back against the banister separating them from the rest of the world. "By all means, my Lady... do tell."

The hum that reverberated from her through his embrace and affection was one of complete content. She bobbed her head in a light nod. “Seeing as we are now married and will take up residence permanently in Addlewood... I was wondering if you would consider making Wildbell our summer home?” Perfectly manicured brow’s lofted hopefully at him, wondering if it seemed as odd a request as it sounded to her. “It’s just... It’s my home and I can’t imagine spending the summer anywhere else.”

Kaidren tipped his head toward the left and then the right, obviously giving merit to her hope...which was hidden behind a veiled question. Lips purse thoughtfully, fingertips lifting to push away strands of coffee-hued tresses from her features. "You may do what ever you like with Wildbell; it is yours, after all... and if it'd make you happy that we spend the summers here, then that is what we'll do." The corner of his mouth pulled upward into a veritable smile, almost displaying the bashfulness she should've been. "...the fact that you had to ask such a silly question astounds me, Lady Holt."

The all too familiar pink color of her embarrassment flooded her cheeks. “This is why I love you, Kaidren Holt. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband if I had been given the choice of... all the men in Azeroth.” She closed her eyes, feeling a touch dizzy suddenly. Her eyes blinked, letting her head become re-balanced, even as she kept her arms wrapped around Kaidren’s neck. As she had done for more than a month now, the Baroness pretended as if nothing had happened, and smiled up at him. “I think we ought to set a date, an official one, don’t you?”

The soft pad of his thumb brushed against the blossoming hues along her cheeks as an expression of longing tugged at the outer ridges of his features; it wasn't that he was missing something, but in actuality he was content and longed for the future that lingered patiently upon the horizon. As her lashes pinched closed, Kaidren's brows knit with concern; true, it was only a few seconds in passing, but such instances have occurred frequently in the last month and could hardly be ignored. "Are you well, my Lady?" Perhaps it was simply his nerves and paranoia nipped at the back of his neck-- it seemed, every time he allowed himself to be happy, tragedy struck. Without her having to respond, he drew in a deep breath and pulled her close, leveling his lips to her forehead. "Too much stress," He finally added, weaving himself about to tuck her head beneath his chin. "How about we simply rest, instead of go visit with the villagers? Spend a week laying in bed... or go swimming... lounge around... then toward the end of our visit, we'll take a tour around the barony... and once it's concluded, we can make our way back to Addlewood." It was as much a suggestion as it was a question. "And, yes... we probably should." The corner of his mouth pulled upward with a hint of humor; they were already married... and he forgot they must keep up the charade just a little while longer.

Natalia was quickly running out of excuses to supply for the reasons she was feeling unwell, though she did her best to reassure him that all was well. The horrors that haunted him were well known to her, and she had no desire to give him cause for worry. He was so happy and she longed to see that happiness remain, even if it meant lying to him about her true state of being. “I must have drank too much wine at dinner,” she smiled softly up at him before he pulled her in close. Her arms lowered to a more comfortable position, wrapping around his middle, putting far less strain on her muscles that were quite fatigued. “That sounds like a dream, My Lord. There is a fresh water spring not too far from here that we could visit tomorrow afternoon. I can have lunch prepared for us to bring and we can spend the day soaking up the sun and each other.”

Kaidren stood still, wrapped in each other's embrace, for quite some time. Twisting himself, he'd slowly rock the both of them back and forth while they enjoyed the night air, before one arm unwound and hooked behind her legs, and the other around her shoulders. He'd pluck her from the ground with very little effort and begin to close the distance between them and the bed. "We can do what ever your heart desires, my Lady." He didn't bother closing the doors behind them-- the cool, evening breeze brought freshness into the room and would no doubt help with his wife's sudden issue with heat. "... No wine, though."

The softest gasp drew inward through her parted lips as her slender form was lifted off the ground. His scent of sandalwood, earth and city’s filled the inner chambers of her nostrils, reminding her of the first night they spent together. The fresh air did in fact to do her some sort of good, lifting her spirits though those were rather hard to dampen. Besides if she needed heat, all she would have to do is scootch herself closer to her husband. “Just a little bit of wine?” She protested teasingly, keeping up the charade that she had begun. 

Kaidren draped his wife across the luxurious sheets and allowed her to snuggle beneath them if she so chose, or lay atop them in order to handle the heat. Whereas he may have tried to climb over her to his previous spot, now that he knew she was unwell, he rounded the bed and sat on the edge before resting the arc of his spine into the comforts. Rolling onto his side and propping himself up on one arm, he watched every movement she made there after. "No wine." Came the authoritative tone, though his gaze dropped to her hand before he'd grip it tightly. "Perhaps it is the vintage-- maybe a different bottle and a different kind?"

Natalia pushed herself up into a sitting position with her back propped up against the thick pillow. Lithe legs pulled themselves up towards her chest as she pulled the sheets up to her waist and let her legs stretch back out. She was very aware of her husband's watchful gaze, how watched her like she was some fragile porcelain doll in a glass case, ready to shatter at the slightest touch. It would only worsen if he knew just how horrible she was really feeling, and he'd likely never let her out of bed. She simply gave him a small, warm smile and nodded. "Perhaps I can try some of Lady Ludlow's. I hear it's quite delicious and beyond compare in its quality."

Kaidren dips his head in a slow nod. "Yes, Lady Ludlow's wine is rather delicious, and comes in a variety of flavors. My family prefers her wines over all others." As she straightened her legs, he scoots closer to rest his head in her lap., arms snaking around the leg closest to him as though it were a stuffed animal. "Should we have a physician look at you while we're here? I'd hate to let you drink and find out you were pregnant. " Awaiting the audible gasp that would surely follow, once she made a peep, he'd pinch the back of her knee between index and thumb.

Natalia's fingers began to comb themselves through his dark thick hair as he nestled himself into her lap. A soft gasp did follow, but the softness contrasted greatly with the pang of guilt and near heartbreak that thrummed within her heart. "I... I'm not pregnant," she replied quietly, her head hanging in shame. It was something she desperately wanted, not only to give him an heir but to also have something that was the product of their love. "I wish I was, but my physician here confirmed it. I met with her yesterday while you were resting.”

While the news was disappointing, the weight of it didn't show up upon his features; instead, he offered his wife a faint smile. "I'm sure you will be in time-- besides, no reason to rush... just means we get to enjoy one another for a tad longer." He snuggled his cheek into her lap and wound his arms around the leg closest to him. "Under the weather, then... Climate change, all of the added stress... I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about, my love." Kaidren turned his head enough so that he could peer at her through the corner of his eye. "... maybe it's a new allergy... to food or something in the air. We'll figure it out."

Tears stung at her eyes while she continued to comb her fingers affectionately through his hair. With his face turned away from hers for the time, she allowed a single teardrop to fall over the crest of her cheek before quickly wiping it away before he could see. “I will give you children, Kaidren, I promise. I will give you a son in the image of his father.” The hope and positivity that her husband held, it bolstered her spirits in the same hope that it was something easily fixed or would wean away. “Yes, we will my love.”

(( @householt @kaideholt ))

[thehappiestandunluckiest]

Being Radioactive

If the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of radioactive is the imagine dragons song, same.

So, January 10th, I traveled up to Lisbon. A scared, young gazelle, about to absorb a radioactive substance that would hopefully kill the powerful assassin that had taken over her 20 year old body. Something that I never had felt before but felt as soon as I was told that I had cancer was.... There are multiple cells in my body right now just eating away at my temple, and I have no power over it, and at any moment one could just go on a little trip through my body and stop at a vital organ and make itself at home and have little babies and over run my body and kill me. Now, I know that sounds so dramatic, but that’s how it feels, or at least that’s how I felt. I felt helpless, like a ticking time bomb, cancer is a bitch but feeling so helpless and even worse, feeling like a foreigner in your own body was so odd. I felt displaced like I was in my body but also being kicked out of it. I know I didn't have it anywhere near as bad as others have, I was lucky, I am lucky, that’s what I kept telling myself. But I couldn’t ignore feeling like I had an army of little Hitlers in my body, over throwing my own cells, altering my hormones, chewing through me. 

I traveled up to Lisbon, smile on my face and jokes always on the tip of my tongue, but that’s how I react to stress, that why my bosses always love me, I thrive in chaos, or at least I trick everyone else into thinking I do. I was anxious but relieved to be getting this out of the way. If all worked out, I would be free of these pests that contaminate relentlessly. But i would also be having scans to see if it had spread, and that freaked me out, I wanted to be oblivious and stay in denial but I know that’s not the way to go.

So we travel up to Lisbon, and have two days as an out-patient where I spent a couple of hours each day having tests run and injections given in the oncology dept. It was fun having THE nurse from hell. I’m joking, but she sure was a character (and we all know what that means). Now I am not mean, but you will soon understand why I didn’t gel to this woman. So she grabs me and drags me to a room, “oh the nurse has vanished, we will just have to start ourselves” this set off alarms in my head - she seemed super hostile and her stabbing me with needles was not what I wanted. 

She flings a plastic cup at me, “you have to pee in this”, she throws me into a bathroom, with another girl trying to pee into a cup. She goes “HA! oops” and closes the door. NOW LISTEN HERE! Have you ever had to pee into one of those cups? It’s a very very vulnerable position to be in. Hunched over, begging your bladder to open the flood gates, hand in the toilet bowl covered in your own piss. I felt so sorry for her. So I pee into this cup, clean up and go back to the nurses office. The older nurse is back and I let out the breath I had been holding in out of anxiety. Now, I just want to mention that all these stories are super real and I for real can’t make this sh#t up!“ God! Those shoes need to go into the bin! They’re so dirty.” She says as she’s leaning on the door frame. 

This woman! I’m sat in the chair anxious awaiting the medicine that will help stop me from dying and she’s talking about my slightly dirty sneakers....So, the older nurse asks me where I’m from, she worked in London for a few years so we get into some small talk whilst she takes my blood, she’s distracting me from my ridiculous phobia. She asks me what I’m studying. “Oh - no. I actually work in a hotel, I’m a waitress.” “WHAT?! You don’t have a degree? How far is that going to get you, you can’t go far in life without one?” Now at this point I wanted to puke on the floor, not because I felt sick but so she would have to clean up my bile from the ground - that’s her job, how amazing is your f#cking degree now love? But I am a good christian girl so I simply say “well, I didn’t want to go to university. I got a good job straight out of school in a company that I can evolve in and have been evolving in”. The older nurse says she agrees that I am doing a good job going after what I want and not what is expected of me and that its the fact that you love what you do that counts. “Ok Emma that’s everything for today, see you tomorrow, same time!”

Now lets get to the real radioactive part. 

Let’s set the mood. I haven’t eaten anything, not that I’d want to. Yesterdays injections have a side effect of headaches, not too bad. I am pale, make upless and wearing xxl sweat pants and an xl sweater - I’m more sweatpants than human but it made me feel all cozy. I have a suitcase filled with art supplies, my laptop, books and toiletries - the essentials you might say. Feeling sorry for me yet? I actually wasn’t too worried only one side effect - the slow death of suffocation if your esophagus swells up from the radiation burning your salivary glands. No biggie. (I would like to inform you all that even though this is all true - its sarcasm just for anyone who’s worried about me).

The hospital is huge, and very luxurious. Everyone is walking around with gucci bags and beautiful tans and I’m looking like hell but that’s ok I’m beyond caring. 

I’m escorted to my room, it’s beautiful. Huge windows, lots of space, overlooking some of the city and the pediatrics block. I’m given the big speech explaining everything, let me give it to you in precis form as my Dad would say. I have to flush the toilet 4 times when i poop, and twice when i pee. The toilet has chambers so you have to aim said poop and pee into these chambers (it was like yoga trying to get into positions to aim but I don’t want to describe my bowel movements too much we aren’t that close yet - at least buy me coffee first!)

So the room is lovely only noticable difference is the space odessy esque toilet, and the huge lead panel that is placed infront of the door. They repeat that all of this is not for my own safety but for everyone elses, I harness all the power - is this the part where I become a super villan? 

The fancy director of nuclear science came to my room in her anti radiation suit (yes - just like in HBO Chernobyl) and I injected the little pill through the rather odd tube. It was in a big lead box and had all the hazard signs on it and and made a  *shhhhhhhh* sound when the box opened, what a fancy-dancy little pill.

Surprisingly I did not glow in the dark or have magnetic abilities - disappointing to say the least. 

My two day stay was pretty uneventful, the food was actually quite good. I drank 10l of water and 2l of pure lemon juice - I was on the toilet ever 30 minutes and spent a good 7 minutes each time for the flushing routine. This lemon juice was to keep my salivary glands working which would stop my throat from swelling and thus stop me from maybe chocking myself to a long, endless sleep. I ended up with ulcers in my mouth from the lemon juice, BUT my skin got really clear and I had never felt so hydrated in all my life. I was left alone and my only comunication with my nurses was through the telecom. When my food was left for me I had to stand in the corner next by the window and wait until they had left my food behind the big lead panel before I could move again. It was kinda crazy because they looked at me like I was a monster in a cage. You know when you were a kid and turned the lights off in the hall and ran to your bed out of fear of the dark? That’s how they looked at me - it was oddly humourous and simultaneously eery and isolating (but I am writing this entry during the COVID19 pandemic and have been isolated in my house for 2 months now so that was nothing looking back on it).

All fluids that came out of me were very radioactive so I had to shower often. I was scared of choking in my sleep so I set alarms every two hours (I’m just very cautious ok!). On my last day I needed to have an MRI and blood tests done and so myself and another young girl, same age as me and same situation as me, were escorted to the tests area. We wadled through the whole hospital, the nurse would ask everyone to stay away from us and people would scatter away from us like we were radioactive - wait a minute.....

I had my scan, and had the geirger meter see how radioactuve I still was. Honestky this was what I was scared of. Not the actual treatment itself but what the results would be. I think this is a normal fear. It would change everything. Had it spread? Had it evolved into an even more malicious beast? So many thoughts running through my head. We went back to our rooms and awaited these dreaded results. 

My dad had driven up to Lisbon to pick me up, he loves the drive. He calls and says that he is going to wait for me to be ‘set free’ until he goes into the hospital (all of us have spent too much time in hospital to the point that its a normal place to spend our time so we try and avoid it like the plague). 

The doctor comes into my room and stands right next to me. Crazy human contact wow it’s so crazy how powerful having someone even just stood close to you has an effect on you.

My results are very positive - thank God. I smile and thank the doctor, I really am so happy. This enourmously heavy weight has been taken off of my shoulders, my eyebrows unforrowed and my shoulders eased up, my jaw declenched, my stomach stopped its sumersaults and I could breathe again.

The nurse calls me to say I need someone to come and get me for me to be discharged. I try and call my dad, straight to voicemail. I message no answer. I call my mum no answer. I call my brother, finally an answer after 4 attempts but he’s useless to me 2 hours away. shit. I am finally free and I can’t get out of the damn place! After an hour of me trying to call him and me freaking out because I don’t want to be stuck here any longer. I hear a voice through the door. “I am looking for my daughter”, ok lets get out of here. 

I cant hug anyone or stay too close, I am tired but dying for some icecream. I finally am free, free of this monster. I wont be 100% out of the woods for a while yet but for now I am good. I stay in isolation at home for a week before I am allowed back out in public. The day I finally go out in public is to the shopping centre. I set off the alarms. The security alarms were going off as I walked past them. I walked through the shopping mall lauging like a lunatic, I really was radiocative after all.  This was it- my super power. 

I still worry from time to time, I get little scares and I obsessivly check for lumps and bumps, but I can rest a little easier now. I hope noone has to go through what I went through, or anything of the sort. But I would like to say that it wasnt all that bad, the treatment ran so smoothly that I thought that they had given me a dud pill. The operations before the treatment were also very smooth sailing. The whole thing went by easily (as easily as cutting your throat open can go), Why am I saying this? Because before I went for treatment I wanted to see how others reacted just so that I knew what to expect and so that i could prepare. Online everything was negative, blogs said that it was the worst experience. Not that it’s a great experience either but I think it’s important to not scare people about these things. Being sick sucks. It truly does, but being cured, or trying to get better is a true blessing, and us lucky lucky individuals who have access to health care (and even luckier if its free health care) and those of us who can go through these operations and come out on the other side should be so so grateful. I’m grateful for my operations, my access to clean hospitals, the best medical professionals, the kind auxilary staff that smiled at me when I was scared, the recepcionists that winked at me and wished me well. My parents that drove me accross the country to be treated by the best. My job for giving me health insurance that helped pay for some of the costs.

What I’m trying to say is that we sometimes over think the bad, and honestly I could easily sit here and write about a WHOLE LOAD of bad that has happened to me, but it wont changed anything or make it better, but what does is looking back and saying wow- I am so lucky. I had people send me best wishes, my collegues at work looked after me when I was ill, my family cared for me when I wasn’t able to do so on my own. Be grateful, add sunshine to a rainy day and see the rainbows appear. 

love,

Em x

[ashleighxx]

The Cabin Part Two

This drabble is dedicated to @delerithmoriwen for her very subtle attempts at letting me know here birthday is TODAY!! And I mean very subtle :P So happy Birthday love, hope you enjoy! Read the first part HERE 

Klaus really couldn't believe his luck sometimes. He had spent the last year travelling with Caroline and some mornings when he woke up and sat watching the sunrise with his cup of tea he had to pinch himself that she slept so close. Did he wish they were together romantically, of course, but he valued the friendship they had built together all the same. He was glad that she looked up at him in something other than revulsion and hatred, and it was breathtaking. They had started off in Tokyo, her heart still aching and even though her eyes were brightening up with each sight, new food to taste, she would spend equal amounts crying out in pain and grief still. Guilt that she's still living, eternal while her mother was dealt with death. Two months touring Japan and Caroline surprised him when she gave him two tickets to Florence.

That's when things changed the most. Italy. They spent days and days walking around the ancient cities. Hours upon hours standing in front of the most beautiful art, with Klaus telling her as much history about the items as he knew. She would surprise him too with her own keen knowledge she researched ahead of time. She began to relax more as they both bore their heart and secrets to each other and she taught him the art of hugging. They had become close in their companionship and he utterly adored it. Didn't know it was possible to love her even more than he did. Didn't know he was capable of experiencing that live at all. And it terrified him. There were bumps in the way of course, what with her traveling with the hybrid who had caused nothing but heartache, pain and death in his wake. She had been kidnapped once in retaliation in Venice. It only took a few hours to track her sent and tear the ancient vampires he sired limb from limb, but it took over a week to regain her trust in him. After her shouting at him and then giving him a cold shoulder the rest of the time. Another bump in the road was the nights he woke up to sounds of her raising heartbeat, smell of her sweat, sense her fear radiating from her before she would wake up in terrified gasps, calming herself down with whispers of how she was still alive, they cant hurt her no more. Those were the nights he would sneak off and tear into some unsuspected victims throat imagining ways in which he wanted to hunt those who hurt her down. To find their loved ones and break them, to feel hearts in his hand and revel in their terror.

He thoroughly enjoyed the days when it was so easy between them. Caroline grabbed his hand, looking up at him with eyes shining in excitement as she pulled him to the Colosseum in Rome, forgetting she was holding his hand when they reached the gates. Times where she would cuddle into him on the sofa when she demanded they watch a film so she could practise her Italian and the moments where he couldn't stop himself from pushing her hair away from her face and caressing her cheek, catching her blush as she leant into his touch.

Caroline had requested they travel to France for the anniversary of her mother's death and something inside him twisted.

Paris, Rome, Tokyo.

They were the places he told her he would take her and they have already been to two of them and he thought that maybe after he showed her Paris that she would finally leave him and go back to Mystic Falls. Deny their friendship and he would be left all alone. So he promised himself to savour these moments, sketch every time she took his breath away, find a way to bare the pain of her leaving as much as his instincts wanted to keep her by his side.

But he knew he had to be selfless with her.

The only person he would be.

Even if it broke him in the process.

The day of Liz’s first year of her passing arrived and Caroline had been in a somber mood, her grief not hitting her as hard as when he first came to her. She had waited till the evening before she went to the park near the hotel and set off a candle lit lantern in remembrance and to let go of her in. She told him of the times her and her friends had done the same before. Had shocked him when she gave him his own to let go of his own pain. He surprised himself as he whispered in his mother tongue of the pain of losing Henrik, the pain of his father's brutal beating, seeing his birth father on a spike as Mikael killed him, pain of losing both Finn and Kol, even if Kol had been resurrected again.

He could never forget the moment that brought them here, in Paris, on top of the Eiffel Tower, a year to the date they left Mystic Falls.

*FlashBack of the cabin*

The drive was relatively quiet, the music radio on some pop station for Caroline to listen to in between her silent sobs and little gaps of fitful sleep. He wasn't sure what he should do and how he could help, he didn't realise too much what going away with her meant, caught up in her asking him to spend time with her. He was never good at conforming someone, even Rebekah. He was the reason people needed comfort because of.  So to say he was out of his element was an understatement, carry on driving to the location she tapped into the gps and trying not to concentrate on how his own heart is breaking over hers crumbling. Klaus stopped a few times on the way, grabbing some supplies of blood bags for Caroline, and reluctantly himself if there wasn't anyone around the remote cabin. He fed on the nurse who helped grab them for him while he was at it, taking his time to savour the fresh, warm blood and grabbed him and Caroline some coffee and snacks for the road. Once he arrived at the small cabin, he compelled the owners to invite them in and woke Caroline up, who dragged herself into a shower before falling asleep. Leaving him to unpack the car and having a quick shower and bed himself.

He spent the next week coaxing the grieving blonde from her bedroom, where he would check in on her and make sure she ate, drank and showered, to come sit on the sofa each day. Where she silently sobbed into him while they watched some inane chick flick, but the sobs were becoming less frequent. He was glad he always had his sketch pad and charcoals to keep him amused while she slept and he couldn't remove the images of her red, puffy eyes from his heart. He caught her looking out the window to see the views and she looked genuinely excited and happy before guilt swept over her and she closed herself back off in her room for the remainder of that day. Caroline had confessed when she finally reached for his hand, walking around the woods to the river running through them, that she had thought of turning it off for a year and then switch it back on once the worst of the grieving had stopped. He gripped her hand slightly harder at the thought of her losing her light. But he couldn't help but dream of her wild and stripped to her basic vampiric nature, wondering if she still held her impeccable control so rare in vampires centuries old, never mind newborns. Wondered if she would give into him too alongside the bloodlust, but he knew she would have regretted her actions when she did eventually turn it back on, and he didn't want to be a regret.

A mistake.

They spent a month in the cabin before Caroline made up her mind to go back to Mystic Falls. Although the time spent in the cabin was filled with sorrow, he still loved spending his time alone with the love of his life, so he tried in vain not to feel the sorrow that Caroline just let go of.

Dropping her back to her childhood home, Caroline leaned up to him whispering thanks before she pecked his cheek, dragging her luggage behind her. She got to the porch before she swirled around, a smile on her face, eyes shining that light which dimmed in her torment.

“Nothings binding me here anymore, and I know it's a few decades earlier than I planned, but is that offer still on your cards?” Caroline shuffled on her feet a slight bit that no human eye could detect, but he did. As much as she demanded an answer, her insecurities still lay behind her eyes, if you knew where to look. “Which offer love? To take you traveling across the world, or to be your last love?” he tried not to show his nerves at her question, putting on his smug cocky bravado that he was sure she could tell wasn't real anymore. “Both?” “Always.” He whispered through the most genuine smile he didn't think he was capable of after all the centuries of death and bloodshed.

"What are you thinking of?" She asked him, bringing him out his memory of how they came to travel together. "You." "Do you think of anything but?" Caroline teased him. "Well I am considering going over there and talking to that guy who can't stop looking over at you." He couldn't help but taunt her, she was simply stunning when she had fire in her eyes as much as the light that first drew him in, like a moth to a flame. Her light. Her fire. He wanted to get as close to it as possible, to bask in her. She looked behind for a moment before giggling as she turned back to look at him in the eyes. "I'm pretty sure he's looking at you Klaus." "Well then he gets to keep his eyes in his sockets after all." "I can't believe I'm drinking champagne, watching the sunset on the Eiffel Tower." "Is it everything you dreamed of, Caroline?" He asked, hoped it was everything to her as it was to him. "No." "No?" "No." She paused, looking back over the Parisian skyline. "You're not kissing me." "Well I have to rectify that as soon," he leaned down to her. "As." Placing his hands on her waist, bringing her in closer, her hands winding around his neck. "Possible." He whispered before he brushed his lips to meet hers.

[ylla]

This Must Be The Place - Chapter 3

Series: JJBA Characters: Okuyasu Nijimura, Josuke Higashikata Pairing: josuyasu Tags: modern au, underage drinking, vomiting mentions, background ocs, tomoko and okuyasu have a mother/son moment and i am here for it Rating: M AO3 link

***WARNING*** THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VOMITING MENTIONS FROM OVERZEALOUS UNDERAGE DRINKING AND HANGOVERS ***WARNING***

i’m suffering through some kind of hell virus and i cant sleep, so i revved my engine and plucked this chapter right out of my ass. there are meme references throughout this entire thing, because i am tired and live to shitpost, and you get a kissaroo from me to you if you can find them all. hopefully this makes sense to everyone, and not just to my fever-addled mind.

knowing my dumb ass, the next chapter will be up soonish because i’m too ill to do anything else other than write ε-(≖д≖﹆)

Death was something Okuyasu never purposefully sought, despite living life like he had single-minded determination to see what all the fuss was about the afterlife. There had always been a strong, primal urge to survive, to live, to spite the overwhelming odds that had been stacked against him since he was so very young. Like hell he was going to just die. He had responsibilities: a dad to look after, friends to back up, a boyfriend to care for. He had shit to do; he couldn’t just die young and leave a hole in the heart of so many people.

Okuyasu wasn’t smart, but he knew how to keep himself safe. Never mix ammonia with bleach, always wear a helmet, gloves, jacket, and proper shoes when riding a motorcycle, never grab the muffler of an overheated lawn mower in the middle of a heatwave in July after it had been running for two hours.

And never, ever, lie to Tomoko “Taker of No Shit” Higashikata.

When he woke up the Sunday after the party, Okuyasu was sure he had somehow died and was now in the 8th circle of hell. He had never drank so much in all his life. He had never been so fucked up in all his life. He had no recollection of what happened after they got to the party. Everything was an assault to his senses; the tiniest amount of light and sound made his head throb, his eyes shriek, and his guts roil like snakes had manifested inside his body. He attempted to sit up, but it made his head spin so badly, he immediately started vomiting. Thank god a previously unnoticed bucket was thrust in front of him, catching what was a small amount of bile and water. “He lives,” said whatever was holding the bucket.

Okuyasu looked up to find Josuke standing in front of him, looking exactly like how he felt. You look terrible is what he wanted to say. “Grugh” is what came out instead.

“You remember last night?”

“No,” Oku moaned, settling back down, “Th’ fuck happened?”

“A lot of bullshit.”

“Oh god…what happened?”

Josuke put the puke bucket down and sat on the edge of the bed, “You won’t like it.”

Here was the evening from Josuke’s perspective, though he was a little fuzzy on all of the details.

After bidding goodnight to Tomoko, they waited until it was dark before sneaking out of Oku’s house and hoofing it to the party. Josuke was dressed to the nines as usual, while Okuyasu was wearing something more understated, but it worked for him.

The house (which looked massive) was located in a more secluded part of Morioh, clearly chosen to enable underage tomfoolery. There were still a few neighbors around who probably heard the music and saw kids going in. This looked like it was a mistake, but hey, why not enjoy it while you can?

Surprisingly, the front door was manned by no one other than Tamami, who was holding a coffee can that was half-full with deposited yen; there was a door charge they hadn’t been aware of. Apparently, this was Tamami’s parent’s house, and he decided that throwing a party while they were away on a trip would be a great way to make some extra cash. Josuke remarked that he respected the hustle, before he elbowed Tamami in the ribs hard while reminding him that they were Koichi’s Best Fuckin’ Bros, so why not cut them a little slack?? You know, for Koichi?

Both boys got a free pass; they stepped into the living room where the party was obviously already underway. Red solo cups filled with some unidentified liquid was thrust into their hands, which they immediately tried. It tasted like window cleaner mixed with Gatorade, and it was disgusting, but they kept drinking to keep up appearances. They watched a pack of drunk teenagers grind on the makeshift dance floor, music blaring loudly, while a lively game of beer pong took place in the kitchen.

They found Oku’s Home Economics buddies in a corner; Yukie looked like she was having the time of her life, while Hitomi was passively sipping a beer, and Ritsu was flushed, looking like she was waiting for the earth to swallow her up. With a nudge, Hitomi pointed to the far corner, where Yuuya was standing with his fangirls, arm around a guy who looked just like him minus the stupid chin tattoo. Hachiro was his name; apparently, he was a junior, Yuuya’s younger half-brother, acted nothing like him, and Ritsu had it bad for him. The four of them tried to needle Ritsu into approaching him, but she had steadfastly refused, clutching her cup like it was a lifeline.

Josuke, a man of action, took it upon himself to walk right up to Yuuya and suggested he get a game of truth or dare going. Yuuya flickered eyes between Josuke and the corner from whence he came, before managing to shout over the noise that if anyone was interested in playing truth or dare, to follow him to the basement. Some people left the dance floor and followed, while Hitomi and Yukie hoisted up Ritsu, who had become rooted to the floor, and carried her downstairs.

Okuyasu and Josuke high-fived; Josuke then tried dragging Oku to the dance floor, but he resisted, saying he was too damn sober to make a fool of himself. So beer pong it was. After watching a few games (and guffawing when Hazamada tried to kiss some girl, but got a face full of vodka instead), they got to play. To the shock of everyone, Okuyasu was amazing while Josuke sucked absolute ass, almost tanking their chances at winning with sheer ineptitude. The pressure was too much! The alcohol was fucking up his reaction time! He kept getting teased, which made him pout, but Okuyasu kissed him on the mouth, then proceeded to shoot his way to victory repeatedly.

After what was probably 3 or 4 rounds, they were both three sheets to the wind. Are you feeling it now, Mr. Nijimura? Josuke purred in his ear, before dragging him to the dance floor. If either of them had been remotely sober, they would have never in a million years waltzed into the middle of a dance floor and dirty dance in front of most of their peers. But there they were, drunk as shit, with Josuke grinding his ass into Okuyasu. It was a good thing that everyone around them was just as inebriated, and too interested in dancing up on their partners to notice.

They managed to get through a few songs before they stumbled to the bathroom to have a drunk makeout session. In the few months they had been dating, they hadn’t gotten much farther than sloppy kisses with lots of tongue, but with the ferocity they had attacked each other’s lips and neck, things might have gone way further if they hadn’t been interrupted by someone barging into the bathroom and slurring, “GOTTA SHIT” before they pulled down their pants and lit that tiny bathroom up.

Boners effectively killed, they wandered downstairs to see how the truth or dare game was going. The first thing they saw was Ritsu sitting in the lap of Yuuya’s brother, making out with him. Hitomi helpfully informed Josuke and Okuyasu that Hachiro had just been dared by his older brother to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, and well. Hitomi had just gestured at the two.

Since everyone had already gone once, Yuuya picked Okuyasu next, taking his brother’s turn since he was busy. He tossed the teenager a half-pint of something called Everclear and told him to chug as much has he could. Never one to back down from a challenge, Okuyasu started guzzling it down like he had been stranded in the desert and this was the first drink he’d seen in months. He got to name on the label before he replaced the cap to the sound of resounding cheers, swayed for a few seconds, and then promptly stumbled over to a laundry basket to retch.

As Oku cleared the contents of his stomach, his face the color of a sickeningly combo of grey and green, someone pounded down the stairs to holler “IT’S THE COPS, SCATTER.”

This is where Josuke’s memory gets a little fuzzy. The next thing he remembers is him and Yuuya booked it across the backyard, half-dragging, half-carrying Okuyasu, with Hachiro carrying Ritsu. Yuuya told his girls to go ahead without him, and they took off on their bikes, carting off Yukie, Hitomi, and someone who was probably Hazamada. Then he remembers jumping into what appeared to be an ancient, black SUV and Yuuya peeling out of Tamami’s house at an excessive speed. Okuyasu started puking again, and it took the combined effort of Hachiro and Josuke to keep it from spilling out a plastic bag Hachiro grabbed from the trunk.

Yuuya dropped Josuke and Okuyasu off first; Hachiro helped get Oku out of the car and up onto the porch of—

“Wait wait wait, hold on.” Okuyasu rubbed his face, trying to process everything Josuke was telling him. “You mean to tell me that I got a debt I gotta repay to Yuuya??”

Josuke grimaced, “We both do, because he saved our asses. Kinda.”

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?” Okuyasu was already squinting because he was trying to avoid looking into any light source, but he squinted so much that his eyes were basically closed.

“I, uh—“

“Dude,” he loved Josuke with every part of him, but he was nauseous, felt like absolute garbage, and wanted to just curl up and stop existing, so he was a little bit testy, “You gotta just fuckin’ tell me. You know I ain’t that smart to begin with, but right now my brain feels like someone rubbed a bunch of spicy shit on it, so I ain’t thinking that clearly. Tell me.”

Typically, Josuke would bark something snotty, but instead, he didn’t speak, just swallowed instead and turned around so Oku couldn’t see his face.

“What?? Fuckin’ tell me dude! Did Yuuya’s bro see my dad when he helped you carry me in?? Did dad get hurt???” He tried to sit up, but Josuke put a hand on his chest to keep him down, still not looking at him.

“We…we didn’t go back to your house…”

Okuyasu was thunderstruck for a few minutes. He looked around, bewildered, “Where the fuck are we—“ It was in that exact moment that Oku realized what room he was in. It wasn’t his bedroom. The soft yellow walls and band posters were not his. He slowly realized the implications. They were in Josuke’s room. In his house. Where Tomoko “Not My Mom But Kinda Is” Higashikata lived.

“Oh shit,” he whispered, “oh, holy shit.”

Josuke rubbed his face, then rested his head in his hands, “You were—You scared the shit out of me. You kept puking, and you weren’t like—you weren’t responsive, so I had Yuuya take us to my house. And I got mom up—“

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god,” Okuyasu was on the verge of panicking, “Josuke, what the fuck??”

“I was drunk! And scared something was really wrong! I had to wake her up!!” Josuke turned towards him, his temper flaring, “What the fuck was I supposed to do??? Let you possibly d—“ He stopped short, trying to swallow down whatever he was about to say. Taking a minute, Josuke sighed, “It doesn’t matter. Mom’s pissed and our asses are grass, dude.”

“That’s an understatement.”

Okuyasu didn’t need to look in the doorway to know Tomoko was standing there with her hands on her hips, looking fierce and ready to string them both up. He could feel anger radiating off of her in waves.

Josuke, who had always been mouthy, had always bucked under Tomoko’s rules, went completely silent and still, staring at his hands. The fact that Josuke couldn’t contradict her, that he could only hang his head in shame, made Okuyasu realize just exactly how in trouble they were. They fucked up. Big time.

“You know, I figured something was wrong when Josuke buttered me up all evening. Never in my life would I guess that you two would go out to some stranger’s house—“

Josuke couldn’t help himself, “Actually, we know Tam—“

“GO TO SOME STRANGER’S HOUSE. AND GET SO SHITFACED THAT ONE OF YOU DAMN NEAR HAS ALCOHOL POISONING??”

Okuyasu visibly flinched at her shouting, feeling tears prick the back of his eyes.

“Mom—“

“I’m not stupid, Josuke, which apparently you seem to assume. I don’t care that you two go over to Okuyasu’s house and drink beers or smoke cigarettes, because I know you’re at least safer there than out in some strange place. You LIED to me, and damn near got ARRESTED—“

“Listen—“

“And Okuyasu here REEKS of grain alcohol and probably should be in the hospital right now for alcohol poisoning! What the hell is wrong with you two???”

Josuke sighed, waiting for it to be over. Oku was barely holding back sobs, while tears rolled down his face.

“How dumb can you boys be?? You’ve taken years off of my life, I think I sprouted more wrinkles and grey hairs in one night than I have in the past 37 years.”

“I’m sorry, mom” Josuke mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Ms. H” Okuyasu choked out. Josuke reached behind him and laced their fingers together, giving a reassuring squeeze.

Tomoko sighed, “You know, honestly? I’m not even mad at you, Okuyasu, I’m just disappointed. I expect this kind of stupidity from Josuke, but not from you.”

It was like a knife in the gut. He would’ve taken a punch to the face from her better.

“After you’re well enough, we’re gonna go over to your house and I’m going to speak to your father—“

The wail he had been suppressing ripped out of him, “No no no no no, please no, Ms. H, I’m beggin’ ya—“ He started to get up, to sit on his knees in front of her and beg her to do literally anything else, when his stomach churned again and he vomits

All over Josuke’s legs.

Josuke, a saint with a pompadour (though right now it’s just a stringy mess), bit his lip to prevent himself from shrieking and just stiffly strong-armed the puke bucket in front of Okuyasu, as he sobbed and threw up more. It was a complete disaster.

“Oku, I have to,” Tomoko sounded significantly less angry, but just as firm, “I know he’s sick, but—“

“You don’t understand,” Okuyasu managed to say, “He won’t understand a thing you tell ‘em.” Oku flopped back down, exhausted and crying, “He doesn’t even know who I am.” Feeling ashamed, he flung an arm over his face, wishing The Hand could just scrap him away until nothing was left.

He had never told Tomoko anything about his dad. She never pushed the matter, not wanting to upset Okuyasu by making him talk about it, which he had been grateful for. Oku had sworn Josuke to secrecy that he would never tell her, but it’s not like he had to. Josuke couldn’t exactly explain that Oku’s father became an invincible booger man because an immortal vampire that had been plaguing the Joestar family for 100 years had implanted some kind of mind control thing that went crazy after said immortal vampire was killed.

The only things Tomoko was told was that his mom had died when he was young, his father fell very ill shortly aftewards, his brother was murdered in front of him, and that this boy’s life had been nothing but an uphill battle from day 1. He had no one, save for the few people he had met in Morioh.

“Josuke, go get cleaned up.”

When Josuke didn’t move or speak, Oku figured they were making faces at each other, silently communicating on how to approach what the hell this mess was. “Aight,” was Josuke’s response. He leaned back and planted a small kiss on the part of Oku’s face that wasn’t covered up; squeezing his hand one more time before gingerly getting up off the bed, stripping away his pajama pants, and heading to the bathroom.

Tomoko took his spot on the bed, gently moving the arm covering his face, and wiped his tears away. All this did was cause them to fall harder, but she kept at it. Oku couldn’t bear to look her in the face. Some part of him wondered if this is what having a mom was like. It took Oku a bit to calm down, “Sorry,” was all he could manage to say.

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to get so worked up. I just…I worry. That’s all.”

He closed his eyes when the hand went from his face to his hair. He didn’t deserve any of this sweetness, after had just scared her half to death. There was a silence hanging in the air, and Oku knew she was gonna ask—

“Is your father that sick? What’s wrong with him, exactly?”

And there it is. He was terrible at lying to her, but maybe he could get away with a lie by omission.

“Me and Keicho never found out what’s exactly wrong with ‘em. Whatever it is, it ruined his brain, like his memories are kinda there, but,” Oku swallowed, “He can’t speak or really do for himself. I dunno if he recognizes me as his son, or as the guy who feeds and talks to ‘em” Tears were threatening again, but he muscled through it. She deserved to at least know some things. “It uh, changed his appearance too. A lot. It can be weird to see…”

He fell silent after that, not sure what else to say. “I’m sorry, honey,” Tomoko said thickly, after a few minutes. It made Okuyasu’s chest twinge painfully. “You’ve shouldered all of this by yourself this whole time?”

“I—I mean I had Keicho, but…” there was a lump in his throat, “But it’s jus’ me now, I guess.”

She sniffed, sounding so heartbroken, “You know you’re not alone, right? You’ve got me, and Josuke, and a lot of other people who love and care about you.”

“I know.”

“And I love you very much, even if I’m shouty sometimes.”

“I know. And I love you too, Ms. H,” he wiped his eyes. Finally, Okuyasu got the courage to look her in the face. Thankfully, she hadn’t been crying, but her eyes were shiny with tears. “Um…can I have a hug?”

She chuckled, “You know you don’t have to ask,” and helped him sit up a little so she could give her Mom-Hugs-Make-It-Better hug, rubbing his back before giving him a Mom Smooch on the cheek.

“Thanks.”

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Good,” she got up and looked him. Hands were firmly placed on her hips, but she didn’t look pissed or upset anymore, “You’re grounded until further notice.”

“Uh—“

“Since your dad is too sick, I will hand out your punishment. You can still come over and see Josuke, if only because I want to make sure you’re following the rules. No videogames, internet unless it’s for homework, or tv. Both you and that son of mine will be doing nothing but chores, homework, and studying. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alright,” she ruffled his hair affectionately, “Now go get Josuke out of the bathroom, and take a shower. I’ll change your sheets, they smell like rubbing alcohol and regret.”

It took a lot of effort, but Oku managed to shamble out of Josuke’s room and toward the bathroom. The bathroom door was comfortable as he leaned against it, “Jooosuke, open up.”

The door unlocked, Okuyasu pushed it open and stumbled in. Josuke was wearing only his underwear, hair wet and still unstyled. He leaned against the mirror over the sink, face smooshed, making some kind of walrus groan, “I think I’m dying.”

A glance in the mirror told Oku that he looked like the dead reanimated, “I already look like a damn zombie.” He shuffled to Josuke and put his head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry about being a fuckin’ mess, and making you worry, and puking on you—“

Josuke turned around and pulled Okuyasu close, giving him a kiss on his greasy noggin, “S’fine, don’t worry about it. Looks like we’re gonna be grounded forever though.”

“You heard all that?”

“Nah, jus’ figured she’d do that.”

They held each other for a little bit, the silence comfortable before Josuke pulled away, face scrunched up for effect, “I love you, sunshine, but you need to shower. You smell funky.”

“Thanks asshole, way to ruin the moment,” he jabbed Josuke in the side, “Love you—“ That’s when he noticed the dark purple hickies covering Josuke’s neck. “WHAT THE FUCK??” he hissed, turning Josuke’s head to the side to get a good look at them. Oh god, Tomoko has seen what he has done to her son.

“Chill out, dude, it’s not a big deal—“

“Not a big deal?? Look at you!!”

Josuke turned his head back towards Okuyasu, a big toothy grin on his face, “I see ‘em, babe.”

A hint of pink colored Okuyasu’s cheeks, “So can everyone else!”

“Let ‘em,” he leaned over and gave Oku a sweet kiss on the cheek before leaning over in to whisper in his ear, “’Sides, I love ‘em.” Josuke straightened up with a wink, and a not-so-subtle lip lick. Which would have been incredibly sexy if he didn’t turn and immediately smack his face into the bathroom door when trying to leave. After a beat, he muttered “You take this to the grave,” before grabbing his reddening face while skedaddling out of the room.

Okuyasu wouldn’t tell a soul anyways. He wanted to be the only one who got to see Josuke in his true form: a complete and utter dork.

Later on, after Josuke gets his hair French braided, and Oku no longer smelled like the world’s grossest bar and checked on his dad, they laid in Josuke’s bed and watched movies together on his laptop. Tomoko, in her infinite graciousness, gave them a reprieve from being grounded until they felt better.

Okuyasu dozed on and off with his face buried into Josuke’s shoulder, still feeling like shit and flinching in the light of day. At one point, he woke up to Josuke very gently shaking him, “Hey, I gotta question.”

“Mm.”

“You’re staying the night, right?”

“Mhm.”

Josuke kissed the side of his head, “Good shit.” Oku was drifting back off to sleep when he was shaken again, “Do you feel bad about leaving those hickies?”

He cracked open an eye, wishing that his boyfriend would just wait to ask him later, when he didn’t feel like death. However, Josuke was looking at him with those big blue eyes that were full of concern, and he couldn’t help but answer. “Kinda…? I mean,” his voice was slightly slurred from sleep, “I liked leavin’ ‘em, a-and seein’ ‘em, but they’re just kinda, uh, big. So I’m just worried they hurt, ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt ya.”

Josuke’s face just melted into this sappy smile, and Oku’s heart did that stuttering thing again, “Aww, you big softie.” Oku grumbled a little at being called a softie, but couldn’t keep himself from giggling as his face got peppered with kisses. “They’re small compared to the giant ones I left on you—“

“You gave me some?? What the hell, did you heal them??”

“Well yeah, they turned the entire left side of your neck this gross shade of yellow and purple.”

“Damn, babe. Musta been those big lips—“

"Fuck you, dickhead—“

“Did they look like that bruise ya got on your forehead from hittin’ ya face on the door earlier?”

His boyfriend went from adorable pouting at the lip comment to horrified, “DID IT LEAVE A BRUISE?” He made to get up, but Oku just held him down.

“It’s small and you can barely see it unless someone is right up on ya, calm your ass down!” Josuke whined, but Oku placed a kiss on his forehead, “That better?”

“No…”

Oku gave him a sweet kiss on his lips, ears pink, speaking quietly, "I-I love your lips, they’re really soft…” He kissed Josuke again, “Better now?”

“…Yes.”

Josuke whipped out his phone and opened up the camera to check his face out. There was some slight discoloration on his forehead, and he grunted irritably. Then he switched to snapchat, “Oku, smile.”

“Hell no, don’t take a picture of me. I look like hot vomit,”

“No you don’t, you’re adorable.” Josuke made a kissy face and took his free hand to smoosh Oku’s lips to make a kissy face. After an agonizing few seconds of being subjected to selfies, Josuke finally got one he deemed good enough. “See! You’re so cute, sunshine.”

The picture was cute. Oku hated how it made his heart feel like it was gonna explode, but didn’t try to wrestle the phone out of Josuke’s iron-like grip to delete it and keep taking more. “…Send that to me.”

“New wallpaper?” Josuke saved it to his phone before adding a caption that said ‘He lives! So handsome ♡ ♡ ♡’

“Maybe. Wanna tussle over it?”

“Rather not have you puke on me again.” Josuke posted it to his Story and sent it to a few people on his snapchat friends list, “Also, you need to shave.”

“Ain’t diggin’ how rugged my face feels?”

Josuke snorted, “It’s like touching a cactus.”

Okuyasu rolled on top of Josuke and started rubbing his face against Josuke’s like a cat.

“AGH—YOU BASTARD, STOP!!!”

He was cackling, but all the motion was making his stomach feel queasy again. After his laughter calmed down, Okuyasu rested his forehead against Josuke’s, “Hi.”

“Hey.”

Oku swallowed, “Uhm, about the hickie stuff earlier…”

Josuke arched an eyebrow, “What about it?”

“If—if you wanted to, you could…gimme some little ones. If you wanna, that is—“

It took him a few seconds to realize that Josuke had flipped him and straddled him before he even finished his thought.

“Don’t mind if I do.”

“So, you show up to your boyfriend’s house, drunk as a skunk,” Hitomi asked carefully, “and his mom…grounded you?”

“Y-yeah. Ms. H can be a really scary lady.”

Okuyasu was still dehydrated on Monday, so he didn’t go to school until the next day (with some little love bites on his neck). Talk about the party had mostly died down, but he did learn that Tamami only ended up with a hefty ticket, everyone who was picked up by the cops were let go of, and Hachiro had been avoiding Ritsu like she had tuberculosis.

“I’m such a fool!!!” she wailed, flinging herself dramatically over the counter. Yukie, with a good sense of timing, managed to catch her ponytail before it went flying into her bowl of batter. “Why won’t he talk to me???”

“Maybe he’s shy…?” Okuyasu supplied.

“He wasn’t shy when he had his tongue down my throat and his hand on my butt!!” Other students in the class swiveled around to stare at them.

“Ritsu, don’t holler that!” Yukie hissed.

“Oh my god,” Hitomi muttered under her breath, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes.

“Okuyasu,” Ritsu clung to him, “You got a man. How did you catch him??”

“I uh…what?”

“How did you confess your ~undying~ love to Josuke??”

He was living in a living nightmare, “Uhm, Josuke…confessed to me…actually…”

A beat passed before Ritsu dramatically threw herself onto the counter again, baying like a wounded dog.

“Ritsu, for—“ Yukie picked her up by her shoulders and started shaking her, “Calm down!! You’re making a scene!!”

Hitomi had sunk down to the floor, clearly wishing that she could just keep sinking until she hit the core of the earth. Oku was tempted to follow her, but Ritsu shrugged off Yukie to grab him again, “Then, how did Josuke confess to you??”

Oku managed to escape her grip, “We were sittin’ on my back porch lookin’ at the stars after a big storm knocked out the power,” Okuyasu realized his face was turning scarlet, so he started working on his cookie dough, “We were like drinkin’ and holdin’ hands, and he’s like ‘Dude I’m in love with someone’. I thought it had to be literally anyone other than me, and I was really upset, but then he kissed me. A-and then told me I looked like the sun when I smiled, which was really smooth, so I gotta give him that. So I told him I loved him too, and then, uh, he asked me out and here we are” he finished lamely.

The girls were awfully silent. When he raised his head to see what they were doing, he was alarmed to find all three of them (Hitomi had emerged from her spot on the floor) looking at him with tears in their eyes.

“THAT’S SO SWEET—“

“That was pretty smooth on Josuke’s part—“

“IS THAT WHY HE CALLS YOU SUNSHINE??”

“I—I think so?” Oku stammered, “Josuke’s good at all this romance stuff, you should ask him for advice. All I’m good for is cooking.”

Hitomi looked at her runny cookie dough, compared it to Oku’s nice, chunky mix, and sniffed, “If we’re gonna start asking for food advice, what kind of wizardry bullshit do you pull to get this consistency?”

Lunch was a fairly quiet affair, Ritsu opting to just grill Josuke over snapchat instead of hounding him in person. Which was good, since Josuke still hadn’t shown up at the usual spot, so it was just Okuyasu and Koichi.

“Man, since you got Class Rep, you’ve been too busy, dude.” Okuyasu remarked.

Koichi shrugged, “Looks good on college applications, and it’s not so bad. I could think of worse things to be doing.” He took a bite out of a little custard tart his mother packed in his lunch, “Heard about the party from Tamami. Sounds like it been a lot of fun.”

Oku winced, feeling bad that they didn’t invite Koichi, “It was until I got sick… sorry we didn’t extend an invite to you, dude.”

With a smile, Koichi waved him down, “I wouldn’t have gone anyways, I had that meeting. Also, Tamami had already invited me, but I told him I couldn’t. It’s fine! I promise. Anyways, how’s you and Josuke doing?”

So Okuyasu started babbling about how great Josuke was, which somehow lead into the story about the guy who started uncontrollably shitting with them in the room (Koichi looked sickened), when the devil himself waltzed up to them, looking pensive.

“Hey Josuke—“ Koichi greeted, his smile falling slightly when he saw the look on Josuke’s face, “What’s up?”

“Mom called me, and told me that she had been talking to Holly.” Two blank stares met him. “You know, Jotaro’s mom? My sister?”

“Oh shit, yeah!”

“That’s right! Mr. Jotaro said that…”

Oku’s brows furrowed, “Somethin’ the matter with that, though?”

Josuke kinda shrugged, “It’s just, weird I guess. Considering everything…” he stared at the ground for a minute before clearing his throat, “But, they’re apparently getting along and got most of the awkward stuff out of the way. Mom told me that Holly said everyone is coming in about two weeks. You guys wanna go with us when we meet them at the airport?”

“Of course!”

“Fuck yeah dude, count me in.”

A smile returned to Josuke’s face, and he nodded before plopping down beside Okuyasu to steal a kiss and some of his food.

With any luck, when they meet up with everyone again, it will be without hickie decorated necks. Okuyasu would never hear the end of it from Polnareff.

[roger-maylor-brian-tay]

My Heart Got Hijacked By You

This story is a one-shot and it's based on a very nice drawing by a talented artist in deviantart. I'm so sorry I didn't get their names, but the credits for their works go to them. The original story can also be read on my Wattpad account here http://my.w.tt/UiNb/MJWkF3UBVz This story took place in the 70s, but it only happened in this fic, ok :D Roger, John and Brian don't belong to me. I wish they were though. English isn't my first language so forgive me for the grammatical errors. Pairings : John/Roger (Joger), Brian/Roger (Maylor) Well then, enjoy reading! *** "Jooohnnn!" "Yes?" "Briaaaan!" A sigh. "Jooohnnn!" "Yes?" "Briaaaan!" An eye-roll. "Jooohnnn!" "For God's sake stop calling our names in turn, Roger! You're not making any sense! " John snapped. "Briaaaaan!" John groaned loudly, throwing his head back thinking that he was going to have a long night. Roger and John were sitting on the couch in John's living room. Cans of beer were scattered on the coffee table. That evening after work Roger insisted to come to John's flat with a six pack and a bottle of whiskey in his hands pleading for John to drink with him. As expected, Roger drank a bit too much than usual, while John had a few, enough to make his head spin but still remain sober. And there they were, half drunk for John and completely drunk for Roger, sprawled on the couch, listening to the drummer's whining about a certain guitar player. Being the youngest in the band, John and Roger became the best of friends. They would spend a lot of time together for any kinds of reason that they grew to know each other very well to the point that they would share their secrets to one another. Roger's big secret was that he apparently had fallen in love with their guitar player, Brian. Tall, curly, skinny, soothing voice, clogs, brainy, love stars and everything in the galaxy, kind to animals, mature, brilliant guitarist with fast fingers. Roger had a big interest for anything that moved fast, like cars, and for this case, a guitar player as well. John remembered one night Roger confessed to his best friend that he had a huge crush for Brian which he kind of already knew long before the confession. Who wouldn't when everyday the blond would constantly openly flirt with the older man. It was somehow amusing to John to see his best friend trying hard to get Brian to notice his charm. He would find Roger fixing his hair when he entered a room where Brian was in, flashing his sweetest smile or grinned flirtatiously at the guitar player when they were mildly chatting and those big blue eyes were equally flirty as well. Not to mention all those tight pants he wore must had an important role to get Brian or everyone else to notice him. John's train of thoughts was interrupted by a sob coming from the drummer. "Oh, so you're going to cry now," John said rolling his eyes. "I th-thought I did everything r-right! Why!" "He's just not in to you, Rog, not in to guys, I guess." "Brian looks at me differently. I know it! He b-bought me lunch and we went to the movies too!" "Really? You never told me that." "What's the point! He only, only looked at me like an idiot when I told him I'm in love with him, and not with my car, and then I felt like an idiot!" Roger wiped his tears with the back of his hands. "Oh, Roger..." "I cant-, I can't face him tomorrow!" With that he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and downed the strong liquid feeling it burned his throat. "I think you've had enough drinking for tonight, Rog." John went to snatch the bottle from Roger, but the blond pulled away making John grab at the air. "No! I think I just wanna die!" "Don't be an idiot and give me the bottle!" "Fuck off, John!" "I fucking live here, you can't tell me to leave. Now give me the bottle!" The blond ignored him and instead downed the bottle of whiskey again. "Oh for the love of-! Give me the fucking bottle!" John lunged forward, hands shot out fast to snatch the bottle from Roger's hand. Not expecting for the bassist to push himself towards him, Roger fell on the couch, as he tried to keep the whiskey bottle away from John. Unfortunately for him, he dropped the bottle in the process. The heavy bottle landed with a thud, and bronze colored liquid poured out on the carpet. "You owe me a new carpet," John said, looking helplessly at the now soaked carpet. "And you owe me a bottle of whiskey." John rolled his eyes. Looking down he opened his mouth to respond but no words came out as he suddenly was very aware of the beautiful, flushed face that was staring at him with the biggest baby blues he had ever seen. Seconds later John was even more aware of the compromising position he was in. Kneeling between Roger's spread legs on the couch, hands on both side of the blond, having his best friend exposed vulnerably beneath him. Oddly, his heart started to beat faster. "Wow, John, you look beautiful from down here." A deliciously raspy voice stopped whatever John was thinking that moment and after realizing what Roger said he suddenly felt his cheeks grew warm. "I think your face just turned pink too," Roger giggled. John cleared his throat, a habit he would do when he was nervous. "I think I'm a bit drunk." Roger just smiled and tilted his head. "What are you thinking really?" All of the sudden John felt like he was loosing control. Feelings and words he didn't want to feel or say rushed out of him, and he was unable to stop it. "I, I think you're very beautiful." Roger bit a smile. "Thank you." "And Brian is a big idiot for wasting you." Roger didn't expect for John to say that last sentence, and before his mind could process what was going on he felt John's fingers caressing his cheek. The bassist would have to blame the alcohol for twisting his mind because normally he would never have a single thought of touching his friend the way he's doing now. Or maybe he did have it lurking in the deepest part of his soul waiting to be summoned. It was all confusing, but it also felt nice. Eager to explore more of whatever he was feeling, John slowly lowered his face until it was inches away from Roger and he could smell the mix of alcohol and cigarette from him it was intoxicating. Roger dared not to move, nor blink. He licked his lips out of being anxious at his best friend's odd behavior. Even in his drunken state he knew that John was not acting himself. John on the other hand took that sight as a sign to do the boldest thing he had ever done. He pressed his lips to Roger's, hearing a soft gasp escaped his mouth. With eyes closed he stayed like that until he felt Roger vaguely returning the kiss. John pulled away to look Roger in the eyes, studying his expression. He was expecting for the older man to hit him, push him or yell at him, but none of that happen. Roger only looked back at him. Sure there was a glint of shock flashing in his blue eyes, but there was no sign of rejection and that left John wanting more. He couldn't believe his best friend just kissed him! Roger was certain that he was in love with Brian, but somehow that didn't change the fact that he actually kissed the younger man back. He must be that drunk that he didn't have the ability to think whether or not he was doing something wrong, or was he that broken-hearted and frustrated over Brian that a touch on his lips from his friend felt right and that it was what he needed? John took Roger's silence as a permission to continue. So he brought his face down to press his lips on Roger's again, and to his surprise the drummer parted his lips welcoming John to nibble at it and gave him a proper kiss. John smirked when he looked up to see the blue eyes were closed, enjoying the kiss and was responding well to it too. Soft kisses slowly turned faster and hungrier. John's hands roamed over the body beneath him, moving them up to caress his hair and face then moved back down to the hem of Roger's shirt. As the kiss felt better and better Roger brought his hands to John's shoulders pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Not long after, he felt the bassist pushing his shirt up and his warm hands were exploring his torso and it felt really nice! John broke the kiss to let the both of them to breathe and to take his shirt off, having the urge to feel more skin. Roger sat up and took his own shirt off too, and as soon as the piece of fabric was tossed to the other side of the room, John pushed the blond down on the sofa again and continued their make out session. During that moment Roger forgot about Brian. Nobody spoke. Only sounds of kissing, heavy breathing, soft moans and gasps were heard, and both of them decided to keep it that way for the best. John's kisses started to become adventurous as he moved his lips down and all over Roger's body earning sounds of pleasure from the blond, while Roger's hands too started to grab at John's hair, feeling how smooth it was and how it tickled when those brown locks brushed against his naked chest. Then at one point his hands moved to his behind. Ten minutes passed and the kisses changed into a slower pace and rough grabbing turned into gentle touches. "We should stop now," John said, pressing his lips on Roger's for the last time before lifting his face to look at his best friend. Roger giggled after a while and John couldn't help a wide grin appearing on his own face. "Okay," the blond replied. *** The next morning Roger woke up on John's sofa with a blanket covering his body. He slowly got up, holding his head due to the awful headache he was having and carefully walked to the bathroom. John was preparing breakfast when Roger stepped into the kitchen. "Morning, Rog." "Is it still morning?" Roger replied, feeling awful as it showed in his voice. He sat on a stool at the counter taking the mug of coffee offered to him. "Thanks," he mumbled. John looked at the kitchen clock. "10.30. Yep, I think it's morning enough." "Freddie's gonna kill us." John chuckled. Nobody spoke for a while as they were sure the very first thing they remembered when they woke up was their make out session they had that night leaving an awkward atmosphere at the moment each other was aware of and still figuring out how to break the ice. John cleared his throat. He realized he was the first one who had kissed Roger last night so he thought that it would be fair enough for him to make the first move now. "Roger, last night-" "We had fun," Roger quickly interrupted. Looking John in the eyes and smiled weekly at him. The bassist didn't expect for Roger to give that response, which now left him confused with what to say next. "You're, um, you're not mad?" Roger shook his head, "Nah, we were drunk, John." "Right," John studied Roger's expression and saw nothing to be worried about. The blond drummer shrugged the matter off. "So, everything's good? I mean, we're still friends, right?" "Still friends," Roger casually replied sipping his coffee. John chuckled in relief, "Great. I don't want anything to change between us." *** However, something seemed to change. During the ride to the studio, in John's car,- since Roger still had a headache he chose not to drive his own car- he couldn't stop himself from stealing a glance at Roger who was sitting on the passenger's seat resting his chin in his hand, his long blond hair falling to his shoulders, big blue eyes staring outside the window most of the time when their conversation went to an end, and then his gaze fell on those lips. He quickly turned his attention back on the road blushing as the memory of their make out session came back to him. He remembered every detail of it, and something whispered in his mind saying that he wanted Roger in his arms again. John was confused with the changes that he was feeling, wondering where it was leading. Could it be that he was attracted to his friend? Was he into men now? What happened that night didn't feel wrong, he actually enjoyed it and strangely he didn't mind if he had to do it again. Maybe more sober this time. The more John thought about it the more he wanted to feel Roger again, and knowing that the drummer was not in a relationship with anyone and just got his heart broken by Brian, ... maybe he could fill in the empty space in his heart? John was so surprised with this new revelation he almost passed the studio building. *** John made sure he stayed close to Roger most of the time in order to distract his friend from Brian and also because he wanted Roger to notice his affection that he was determined to start showing from that moment. They were having a break that afternoon and everyone went out leaving the two of them in the room. John and Roger, both smoking, were sharing stories on which they'd occasionally laughed at. The younger man was happy to see Roger laughing and having his attention only on him. "I'm going to go get myself a cup of coffee and some M&Ms, do you want any?" John asked standing up. "Nah, I'm good," Roger said, putting out his cigarette. "Ok. I'll be right back." *** Work went well that day except for the few arguments and shouting between Freddie and Brian whenever they got into a disagreement on the sound of the songs they were working on, but at the end everything turned out well. It was just another normal day in their lives after all. Roger stopped flirting with Brian for the first time and never made eye contact with the guitar player the whole day. He would communicate everything and suggested some ideas to John or Freddie instead, completely ignoring the tallest man with the guitar in the room. Not that Brian himself was trying to start a conversation with him to begin with anyway, so why should he bother? Messing around with John that night was a nice distraction. He was drunk, and frustrated about Brian, and John was there keeping him company, being cute and curious about trying something new. Both were taking advantage out of another and neither of them felt being used, so there was nothing to worry about. However, Roger must admit that he enjoyed spending time with his best friend, and if it was possible, there could even be some hope to start a new "chapter" with the brown haired bassist. John may had said that he never wanted anything to change between them, but with a little flirting and sweet talk maybe he could change his mind. Roger shook the silly idea off his head as he took John's bass guitar and started playing random notes with it when he heard the door opened. "Hey, John, I think I just came out with some potential new material," he perked without turning. "I'm sure it would sound great." The voice stopped Roger from playing as he turned his head to the man speaking to him. His heart skipped a beat when their eyes met for the first time that day. "Hey, Rog," Brian slowly stepped in closing the distance between them smiling nervously. Roger stood up immediately, putting the bass guitar away and faced the tall man who was approaching him with small steps. Roger wanted to run away, but his feet seemed to be glued to the ground. So he just stood there embracing himself for the worst. "I wanted to talk to you." "You don't have to." Brian frowned, but continued, "You didn't give me a chance to speak yesterday." Roger looked away, "It wasn't necessary. I already knew." "I doubt that you do." "Can we not talk about this?" Roger felt like he was going to be sick as he closed his eyes, wishing for Brian to just leave him because really, the last thing he wanted to hear was Brian reminding him how he broke his heart. "Look at me, Roger," Brian said softly. The blond reluctantly turned his attention back at Brian. "I like you. I really, really like you. When you told me you love me I was-" Roger quickly shot his hand up, cutting Brian mid sentence. "Stop. I don't want to hear this. I know what you're going to say." "Do you know that I'm going to say I love you too?" Roger froze. His hand was still held up and for a few seconds he even forgot to breathe. "Do you know that I love you too, Rog?" Brian tried again after seeing the drummer not showing any reactions. "I, um, no I don't- I mean, what?" "I love you too," Brian repeated, smiling shyly as he took a step closer to Roger. When Roger still didn't make any move he walked closer and closer until he could take Roger's hand that was still held up and gently put it down, because it kind of looked ridiculous. Brian's confession was shocking. It took Roger a few moment to process the information and to confirm that he wasn't delusional. By the time he realized it Brian was already standing right in front of his nose! He wasn't prepared to have Brian that close to him he instinctively backed off like a frightened little badger. Brian felt hurt, but he understood why Roger reacted that way. "You ... Love me? Why all of the sudden- you didn't say anything yesterday." "You ran away before I had the chance to speak," Brian chuckled. Roger blushed, turning his head away. He felt stupid for chickening out. "It's okay, Roger. I'd freak out if I were you too." The blond turned his attention back at Brian. "It was getting too stressful when you just stared at me without saying a word." "I was shocked! I never thought I'd get that from you. I always thought you liked Deaky!" "Wait, what?" "You guys are always together. You'd laugh together, spend a lot of time together, and there's no doubt that you two would make a cute couple - Freddie said that - but I've always had this special feeling for you ever since you became our drummer in Smile and it just grew stronger!" Brian continued calmer this time, "So I thought I must do something to check whether or not I have any hope on this. I was really happy when you said yes when I asked you to have lunch and go to the movies with me. I thought I could win your heart. Then yesterday happened. I just couldn't believe it." Roger pressed his lips together. "You're an idiot, Brian." Brian frowned. "I've been fucking flirting with you all this time. Didn't you notice that?" Brian raised his eyebrows, utterly clueless. Roger laughed, rubbing his tensed face with his hands. "God, we're both idiots!" Brian chuckled as the humor hit him. Roger lifted his face and looked at Brian with a smile that made the guitar player's heart sang in harmony. "So, would you like to be my boyfriend?" Brian asked nervously. "Yes!" Roger squealed with joy, running to Brian's open arms. That felt so right. The younger man fit perfectly in Brian's strong arms. He sighed contently feeling Roger's warmth filling him. The blond looked up at him after a while and Brian could get lost in those big, shining blue eyes every time. A minute passed as things started to get awkward when they did nothing but stare into each others eyes. "Well?" Roger asked breaking the silence. "Well what?" "Don't you want to kiss me?" The blond asked carefully slightly worried that Brian would not be ready for that yet. "Kiss you. Right! Gosh, I am a fucking idiot," the tall man responded with obvious sign of nervousness in his voice. Roger chuckled. It was funny to see his crush trying to figure out how to do it. Brian looked like he was trying to solve a difficult math problem right now, and it was very enjoyable to see. "Okay, so, um," Brian chuckled nervously before he pulled himself together and slowly leaned down while his hands grabbed Roger's forearms gently. Roger closed his eyes and close the gap between them when he caught Brian's lips with his. Both gasped due to the different sensation they were equally feeling. The kiss was gentle, careful, not quick, lips slowly moved against each other it almost looked like two teenagers sharing their first kiss. Well, that was partly true, though. They broke the kiss and gazed at each other. Giggling with flushed cheeks after a while realizing what they just shared. "So, did you like it?" Roger grinned. "Hell yeah," Brian replied breathy. They giggled again, obviously being two idiots who are in love. Roger stopped giggling when he caught Brian staring at him with a new expression on his face. The hazel eyes held a different emotion Roger couldn't escape from them. Then he felt large hands holding his face and his heart beat faster. Brian tilted his head up and soon their lips met for the second time only this time the kiss got deeper. Roger parted his lips, inviting the older man to explore his mouth more. Brian felt Roger's tongue licking at his lips and instinctively he opened his mouth and touched Roger's tongue with his as he took the lure and inserted his tongue inside the younger man's mouth and explored it. The new sensation gave the brunette the power and confident as he kissed his new lover fervently. Roger felt the change and it was contagious, he returned the kiss with equal passion. Brian leaned even further to deepen the kiss more if that was possible causing the blond to arched his back. Afraid of loosing his balance he wrapped his arms around Brian's shoulders while the tall man moved his own arms around the drummer's slim waist holding him closer. They pulled away after a couple of minutes to catch their breath. "I like the second one better," Roger managed and flashed his cheeky grin. Brian chuckled and ruffled his hair, "Yeah, me too." Roger laughed as he pulled Brian in a tight embrace, feeling strong arms holding him around his waist and warm breath brushing his neck softly. Smiling, he opened his eyes and looked over Brian's shoulder. He saw John staring at him. The End A/N: Okay, so I'm leaving the end hanging that way because this story was based on a drawing after all, and no matter how much I wanted to continue it I just couldn't. I hope you still like the story, and sorry for Joger shippers for breaking John's heart. I was torn when I wrote this too (T^T) Anyway, I tried to insert the picture that inspired this story but it didn't work, so I really recommend you to see the picture and give credits to the artist by following the link below. Thanks for reading this story! I'd really appreciate responses from you guys. Until then, see you next time! Link of the picture: http://silverzzang.deviantart.com/art/Maylor-Joger-Maylor-288541714

[tellytantra]

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Scene 1 Zara says to Kabir that Reema just wants you to be part of her happiness like I have been since childhood. Kabir says but becoming part of someone’s religious festive is against islam, ask Irfan. Irfan says its right that we cant part of prayers of other religions but becoming part of their happiness is not wrong. Zara says to Reema that you asked Islam doesnt allow to mingle with other religions but its a liberal religion, we dont discriminate between people, Islam tell us to help our neighbors, if they are in pain and we are not helping then its on us, its not a condition that neighbor have to be muslim, their religion is not defined, if we can share their pain then why not celebrate their happiness? She says to Kabir that you must know a story, an old man kept a fast to please God, one man brought juice for him and said that if you drink it then I will be happy, old man broke his fast and drank it, when people asked, old man said that its better to break fast rather than break someone’s heart, he can fast later but human’s happiness is more than that. She says to Kabir that you bringing religion inbetween Reema’s happiness. Kabir says no, I asked you to go, I never went to her house to celebrate diwali so I dont think that it will matter if I go or not. Zara says how can I be happy without you? all my happiness are related to you, I told you that I would go with you only otherwise no. Irfan says you both are half right, my decision is that Kabir should go to Reema’s house, it wont affect his religion, or relation with God. Kabir stares at Zara and silently leaves from there. Zara says to Reema that I am sorry that we couldnt celebrate small diwali function but I am sure that Kabir will come with me to big function, dont worry. Reema hugs her. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Doctor checks Ruksaar and asks nurse to take care of her. Reema says to Zara that if Kabir is stubborn then dont come to function, I dont want it to be a trouble for your relation. Zara says he didnt say no, you havent loved so you dont know, I am sure, he will agree, he has to, he loves me. They come out of house and sees Kabir waiting there. Zara says to Reema that he couldnt leave me so how could he not agree with me, I will come to function, Reema hugs her and leaves. Zara sits in car and says you were waiting for me? Kabir says I brought you, so its my duty to take you back. They start driving. Zara says can I ask a thing? Kabir says wives keep asking, you will ask me where I am going, what should you wear and stuff like that. Zara says you didnt answer because you have agreed to come to diwali party? you cant see your wife in tears? you know that if you dont go then I will not go and then I will cry whole night and I will taunt you for life so you thought its better to go to party. Kabir says no, if I am saying no then it means I am not going, if you are thinking why I didnt say no infront of all then I did it to not break Reema’s heart. Zara says I am sure you would turn. He says what? She says leave it. Kabir stops car and asks her to get down. She asks why? Kabir says its my car and I am asking you to get down. She gets down. He says I am booking taxi for you, I am going to meet Ruksaar. Zara says I will go wtih you. Kabir gets down and says now you felt bad? when I didnt tell you whole thing? you were doing same for me. He says you think I would leave the person whom I love the most? Zara says I will tell you in evening. Zara and Kabir comes to Ruksaar’s ward. Zara checks and says she has fever. Kashan says yes, Zeenat was tensed so I sent her home. Doctor comes there and says she is recovering, we recorded CCTV footage. Footage shows Ruksaar moving her hands and feet. Kabir and Zara smile seeing it. Doctor says there is nothing to worry, he leaves. Kabir and Zara are in car, Kabir says soon I will be yours completely when Ruksaar wakes up. Zara smiles and says you know the meaning of becoming mine fully? Zara says you will have to fulfill my wishes. Kabir says like? Zara says like if you like tea and I like coffee then I will start drinking tea too, true love is to give yourself completely to someone, where our happiness become one, you get happy to see me happy and vice versa. Kabir says so I am fully yours? Zara says ask yourself, if you were mine then Ruksaar wouldnt be in your life, if you were fully mine then you wouldnt break my friend’s heart, we dont know when Ruksaar will wake up but you can come to Reema’s party and prove that you are fully mine. Kabir looks on. They stop at a signal, a kid comes to Kabir and asks him to buy firecrackers, he has to pay for school. Kabir is about to give him money but Zara says we dont buy diwali stuff. Kabir looks on and gives him money, he takes lanterns and firecrackers from him, kid wishes him diwali, Kabir says happy diwali, kid leaves. Zara says pinch me, you are wonderful. She smiles at him. Scene 2 Kabir and Zara comes home. Zara smiles and says we will go to diwali party. Kabir says I have some work and leaves. Zeenat thinks I thought they would be fighting but its something else here. Ayesha says I didnt know Kabir would agree. Alina and Ayesha says we will go. Zara asks Shahbaz if he will come? Shahbaz says some friends called me so I cant come, say sorry to Reema. Zara looks at Zeenat. Zeenat says dont even ask me, Ruksaar has fever. Zara says doctor said that fever is good, it shows she will come to consciousness soon. Zara comes in room and sees Kabir packing, she asks where are you going? Kabir says a client called and said that you must not be celebrating diwali so come to Dubai for a meeting. Zara is stunned and says you are not going to Reema’s house? Kabir says why are you stubborn? when did I say I will go? I am not going very far, I will come tomorrow. Zara says I thought you would come to Reema’s house with me, you ate that ghujia too. Kabir says I ate them because you made them, I helped that kid as he needed school fees, it has nothing to do with diwali party. He calls and says you are outside to take me to airport? I am coming, he ends call and says to Zara that I know I might hurt you, I am sorry, she looks away. Kabir takes his bag and says goodbye. Zara doesnt even look at him as he leaves. Zara says he really broke my heart today. PRECAP- Irfan says to Kabir that your project to teach kids has been sanctioned by All India board and you will be given financial aid, you will have to go abroad to present it in conference. Zara and Kabir are elated to hear that. Update Credit to: Atiba

http://cattybilli.blogspot.com/2018/11/ishq-subhan-allah-8th-november-2018.html

[weareallfallengods]

Reposting because I'm a disaster and don't know how to pin posts.

Survival

Inspiration: If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?

I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.

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Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.

At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.

When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.

See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.

But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."

And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.

I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.

And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.

His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.

On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.

But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.

But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.

And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.

Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.

The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.

But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.

They found me.

I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.

See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.

Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?

And I was now 25.

It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.

I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.

I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.

And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.

And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.

This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.

Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.

And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?

Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.

I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.

I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.

So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.

And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."

As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.

The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.

I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.

"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.

I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.

-Soon,

Baddar"

Well, this is interesting.