#when he says “wowee wow wow” i love it and also hate it

[smoothmovesbaby]

every time i write benny's dialogue i'm like, this man really just be sayin shit

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

help i don’t ever openly speak abt my “dysphoria” it’s not really dysphoria but it’s literally like

WHY CANT I BE JESSE TUCK WHO SAID WHEN I CLIMB TREES I CANT SING TOP OF THE WORLD? WDYM THE PARK IS CLOSED AND IM TRESPASSING…

this sounds so bad but as a joke one time my friend said ‘you would break your leg if it would make you look like crutchie” and i was Like WOW, OKAY, LETS NOT SAY THAT BUT WTF?

the next day i nearly broke my foot falling over i guess foreshadowing but MAN I HAD TO SIT DOWN AND THINK FOR A SECOND AFTER THEY SAID THAT

i really just wanna be a silly boy but i am comfortable as a girl that’s why i use she/he but not they bc im not an inbetween u fucking nerd LOL

like some days i’m like “ooh shit if i was a dude wowee” then other days i’m like “wtf whyd i think that “

but nevertheless this year my skl is putting on a production of Wizard of oz..and i’m gonna go for the bold role of the scarecrow i think.or the wizard. or elephaba. BAHAHAH IM SORRY OK I WOUDLNT

i reccomended newsies to my theatre teacher who hates me and she was like “okayyy i’ll look into it…” and she never fucking did thanks 👍 picked to do ur GSCE and for what 😭😭

brooo we did a mashup of alice in wonderland and wizard of oz called dorothy in wonderland a few years back and i was the tin man and the cheshire cat!!! great roles except i had to paint myself entirely silver for the tin man💀💀

and one of my dream roles is jack(or davey im not picky) just so i can sing santa fe from some fake scaffolding!!! like let me wreck my voice but have the literal time of my life doing it!!!!

i sang an elvis song for a contest a couple of months ago (you dont have to say you love me if you care) and won and it was one of the best moments of my life??? and i was wearing this 1890s vest i sewed with elvis-patterned fabric and it was just dhjdjj but like??? cant i just be a guy?? cant i just have a deep voice and facial hair and get the roles i want??

but then i also get these days where im rly feminine and i love wearing dresses and makeup, but sometimes i also just want to be like a gnome

like no perceivable gender, pronouns menace/hateful(/j lmao)

me and a couple of other kids in my theater class had recommended newsies too but she said there was too much difficult choreo (half of us were dancers and gymnasts but ok) but i just

gashhdhjgaahhkkdlj i want to be. male

yknow?😘

[fallingin-like]

november 4

“i hate you” sounds like “as you wish” by @luci-cunt

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a princess bride!au and as a person that has never read/watched it, this was a wild ride. a really funny fic, i thought this was such a fun read!!

wow okay so i’ve already talked to you a little bit on my thoughts regarding this fic so i’m just going to jump in and mention the bits i especially liked:

the part about the duchess realising annette loves chocolate and supplying so much of it so that she gains weight?? so funny (i watched an asian drama where a similar thing happens and it’s just so petty and dramatic i love it) also wowee 42 children, such goals

exCUSE me did you just say the duke fell in love with his mother in law because that’s wILd and also nasty

ohmygoodness early adulthood being 12 and 13 at that time. so true but also crazy to think about

”’so tell me, what’s your secret?’… ‘i feed them,’” THIS IS THE BEST

andrew moving to america to make money to build a home for him and neil is soooo cute!

part II is a good part. i love the author’s/authors editor’s notes and the repeated elaboration. i agree that other groom deserves no respect and his character shouldn’t be explored, although the additions to add more emotional depth was a good touch

queen bella is a blessing for being so wonderful and acting as a translator for the king

”’no one could be following us then?’… ‘no that would be inconceivable,’ she smirked… “why do you ask?’ ‘no reason… i just happened to look back and see a ship catching up to us’” oh i love this quote so so much. i’m pretty sure it’s a part of the original book/movie but it’s so good that i can’t not comment on it

”’i’m not a moron, i just can’t see that far,’ matt said defensively” yeah! don’t let lola boss you around matt!

”’how is this normal man gaining!?’…’i have to carry three people, and he only has to carry himself and-’” lola is the worst and matt is the best. he’s so lovely and is just trying his hardest~~

”you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means” this is the perfect line for kevin!! i can totally imagine him saying this phrase in the normal aftg universe in response to the rest of the foxes saying weird stuff as a meme without realising that it’s actually a quote. also could be used for neil every time andrew says he hates him ;)

iconic moment when kevin switches hands, just to be outshone by andrew doing tHE EXACT SAME THING

”lola was waiting for him, in fact, she’d set out a small picnic spread complete with blanket, wine, cheese, apples, and a tied up and blindfolded neil laying beside her with a knife to his throat” as yes, just the usual picnic things

dread pirate roberts being jeremy aka the human sunshine?? amazing

neil on andrew’s golden pillows!!!!

riko being super extra and riding four white horses like chill dude

i am definitely the count during the bit where riko is figuring out what happened “do we not want to hunt down the loser of the battle?”, “the count blinked at him, unsure how the prince was able to get as much from some stirred up dirt”, “the count only saw dirt and rocks” like what a big mood

this author’s note is hilarious! also i have not heard of phish food flavoured ice cream before but i just looked it up and it looks exactly like the kind of ice cream i would enjoy

”if i’m being honest, this is a bit underwhelming” typical neil josten, i think he would say this even if he was in the middle of being tortured

oh my goodness snow sand is terrifying and i definitely would have ended up being that person’s skeleton if i fell in. 

”every day jeremy told me ‘i’ll probably kill you tomorrow’ and while i didn’t believe him, i also didn’t want to risk that a letter to you could be my last” andrew! is! so! in! love! how soft, how can you argue against that logic?

hhh it breaks my heart when neil always sacrifices himself for andrew

OH DANG WAIT THE COUNT IS THE SIX FINGERED MAN

ngl i would have enjoyed reading a chapter abt the different types of food to be served at the wedding. 

thank you for summing up the bit about matt waking up. matt doesn’t deserve to be sad because he is amazing and lola sucks and those local boys who mocked him are terrible >:(

MATT RHYMING BACK WHEN KEVIN IS YELLING AT HIM AT FIRST I DIDN’T REALIZE AND THOUGHT HE WAS JUST SAYING GIBBERISH BACK ahhh he’s so precious!!

miracle minyard being aaron!!! i do not understand what miracle men are but this is great! “you look a lot like our dead man” “is that supposed to be a threat?” LOL 

”riko was to be married no later than a quarter to five, six wouldn’t do, and he still had to get ready and figure out how to force nathaniel into looking like a semi consensual groom” is a sentence i never thought i would ever read

MATT ON A WHEELBARROW WITH HIS ARMS OUT AND ON FIRE IS THE BEST THING EVER oh my goodness this is amazing

”andrew made his way as fast as he could-currently eighty year old man speed” this is me most of the time

”andrew, who was now moving closer to health-freak 80-year-old speed” this is me the rest of the time

i loved this so much! the tone of the story remains humourous and funny even when it gets really intense and emotional making this fic a really fun read. since i haven’t watched/read the princess bride before this was a really wild ride and i never knew what was coming next or how the story would be resolved. the author’s notes were really funny and were nice breaks from the plot of the story, especially since there was so much going on. even with me not knowing much of the context, you did a good job of explaining things without distracting from the main story too much. the characters that you matched up worked really well and this felt really true to the aftg characters, although maybe a little more dramatic (rip to king ichirou tho). thank you so much for writing this fic!

[acehotel]

“Patience Is A Vulture”: An Interview with Creative Growth Artist Ray Vickers

Ray Vickers thinks it’s “un-American not to have a pet.” It just is. The Oakland-born and bred artist also wants you to know about the exact Thursday he was born, his 120-pound dog named Ace (maybe our favorite dog name to date) and his popular series of dead rabbit illustrations. For this edition of Inside Job — a monthly artists’ series led by LAND Gallery’s Sophia Cosmadopoulos — Vickers chats about his nine years at Creative Growth, his artistic process and all the animals that he’s taken care of.

Creative Growth is an Oakland-based non-profit that serves artists with developmental, mental and physical disabilities, providing a professional studio environment for artistic development, gallery exhibition and representation.

Ray Vickers: Did you know patience is a vulture, ain’t that how it go?

Sophia Cosmadopoulos: I think the saying is patience is a virtue.

RV: I think it’s vulture. And if I found your phone and gave it to you, that’s called a good samurai?

SC: It’s whatever you want it to be. Is that some pepperoni on your drawing?

RV: Oh my goodness [brushes it off]. I told my mom and sister last week, a few days ago, if I see someone, a man, doing a horrible crime, I would take my belt off and spank him. If I see a man doing a crime, I would whoop him. I would hit him with his belt in my right hand and take my belt off and whoop him with my left.  

SC: So a double whoop?

RV: Yeah, so what questions you got for me?

SC: Well, would you like to start off by introducing yourself? RV: I’m god. No, I’m not. I am Ray Vickers. V-I-C-K-E-R-S, period. We are in Oakland, California. I was born and raised out here, lemme see, about 31 years. I am 31. Been on this earth 31 years. I lived in Hayward years ago for a short period. But I have been in Oakland pretty much all these years.

SC: Yeah, I grew up out here too. But in San Francisco.

RV: It’s freezing out there, huh? I heard because it be by the ocean.

SC: It is definitely foggier. But now I live in New York where it gets really cold. Have you ever been out there?

RV: No, I can’t really travel because of my pets. I got my two dogs and I got my lizard. And nobody can really feed my lizard his worms. I have a bearded dragon and I feed him mealworms — they are about an inch. My mom will hold my lizard but she won’t feed him worms. So nobody will feed my lizard worms, nobody will walk my dog, he’s nine, he’s 120 pounds, he’s strong. So he used to pull me when I walk him, but he doesn’t pull me no more. So I take his leash and I put it around my waist and I take the leash and I put it around his neck, you know, a chain collar, but he doesn’t really pull me like he used to. His name is Ace.

SC: And what is your lizard’s name?

RV: Jax. J-A-X. He turned a year old on April 19, 2019. I got him when he was small but he’s still growing. He has autism, he don’t like changes. I kiss him on the lips. He don’t like changes. I chilled with him yesterday for about an hour, but I didn’t have time for him on Tuesday or Wednesday. So I picked him up yesterday and he was mad at me because I couldn’t hold him on Tuesday or Wednesday and he tried to bite me. But I told him, if he bite me, I am not going to feed him. It took about 30 seconds and he calmed down. Then I picked him up and I put him, you know, to chill in my pocket for a little bit. I let him sleep. I can pick him up and he can be on my shoulder, chilling with me.

SC: I have never heard of a lizard with autism.

RV: Yeah, it happens. They can have ADD, ADHD, all that.

SC: When did you first start coming to Creative Growth?

RV: Almost nine years, I believe. I come here four days a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday. But Tuesdays I am here from 9:30 to two o’clock because I leave to do my dog walking job, walking my friend’s dog for an hour. She’s a German Shepherd mix. She’s not big, she’s medium, she’s still strong. I leave today at 2:45, I do a dog walking job. But since the time change, unfortunately I don’t get home till about close to five o’clock, where it’s almost dark and dangerous. I hate to be out in a dark period. You know, I have a big dog and I have pepper spray but I still hate to be out in the dark, because that’s when a lot of badness happens. So I leave here every Tuesday about two o’clock on the nose. I am here four days a week.

SC: Can you describe an average day here at Creative Growth? RV: It has its days. It’s good. It’s like, me? I have autism and I say and do stuff without thinking, but I know how to control my impulsiveness here. Like if I saw you talking to somebody, I wouldn’t walk up behind you and talk to you, because I know how to control my ADD and everything. I wouldn’t just butt in and say something because I have R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

SC: And can you describe your artwork to me?

RV: I just draw whatever is in my head. Something simple, nothing fancy. I do dead rabbits that a lot of people like. I don’t know why people like them, but they do. They sell quick.

SC: When did you start making work about dead rabbits?

RV: Well I was watching TV and I had a freezer in my room. I was watching TV and I had a step, kinda like a stairway thing, a step stool, and it fell on my freezer, and my freezer had a dent in it and I looked at the dent, and I automatically thought of a rabbit. But the real part was, I was watching a show called Heroes, I don’t know if you heard of it, but about 30 seconds later, after the commercial, they showed a guy on there killing a rabbit. It was weird because right before that happened an image of a rabbit popped in my head on my freezer. So I started drawing them, and then everybody liked them. So I started making them out of wood and everything and on paper.

SC: And who is killing those rabbits?

RV: It varies. It could be those teddy bears killing them. Because you know those rabbits with the red eyes? I love animals, don’t get me wrong, but you know those rabbits with the red eyes? It scares the holy guacamole out of me. I ain’t gonna lie, it scares the crap out of me. The rabbits with the red eyes? That’s scary. I took my chances with petting a pitbull on the street more than once, I haven’t been attacked by one. But the rabbits with the red eyes? Wowee. I ain’t petting one of those. It would bite my fingers off.

SC: And what’s your process when you draw them?

RV: I just draw them, I just use the main colors, red for the blood, pink is for the ears — no, wait — pink is for the stomach and a purplish color for the ears. I use a hot glue gun to bring out the whiskers. When I see a rabbit with red eyes, it scares the crap out of me, I don’t know why. The next time I see a rabbit, I will leave it alone. As long as it’s cool with me, I am cool with it. Because I have ADD and everything — my mind, it never stops processing everything. Like September 11th happened on a Tuesday. There are just certain things that I can’t forget. I was born on a Thursday, August 20, 1987 and I still remember that I was born on a Thursday. And the 1989 earthquake, you heard about that one? I was two years old and I remember when that happened. There are just certain things I can’t forget, it’s like a gift and a curse.

SC: How long have you been working on your art?

RV: I was drawing as a kid. I was drawing Sonic the Hedgehog and stuff like that. But I didn’t start coming here till like about almost nine years. I was just at home with my leopard gecko. I was just at home watching TV playing PS2 with my leopard gecko on my shoulder. I was just sitting there watching TV with nothing to do and I heard about this place here and I started three days a week. Now I go here four days a week.

SC: Do you like going to exhibitions at Creative Growth or at outside galleries?

RV: Yeah I don’t go to all of them, just certain ones. I always say, if my work ain’t in it, I don’t come.

SC: What are your goals for your art?

RV: I want to go big, you know, platinum? Nah, just to sell, but I would never be cocky if I was rich because the most money I ever had, probably was about one thousand, three and a half, four years ago here. But I am not cocky with money or nothing like that. It’s like I am good at certain things, but I don’t be bragging about it.

SC: What do you do outside of the studio?

RV: I go to Comic Con. The next Comic Con I am going to is August of this year. I remember the first time I was there about three or four years ago, I was there from like 9:40 in the morning to literally 3:00pm. I walked around the whole day, never did sit down. What happened last year was, all I ate was a crummy little bag of trail mix peanuts. That’s all I had. I collect action figures. Like, when people say I’m too old to collect action figures — I’m 31 — they’re probably jealous because they ain’t got the money like I do. Because I’m 31 and I probably have 300 action figures.

SC: Wow, that’s amazing. Can you tell me a little bit more about yourself and how you grew up?

RV: I was born and raised in Oakland. Never knew who my dad was, real mom died when I was 16 and I couldn’t cry because I never lived with her, I was never close. So my main focus was watching Spiderman and cartoons in the 1990s and then going to Comic Con. I used to have a leopard gecko, now I have a bearded dragon, a bulldog and a Newfoundland.

SC: It seems like you’re a real animal guy. What’s your favorite animal?

RV: My favorite reptile would be a bearded dragon, still my favorite reptile. I like snakes too. Any animals, I am all for — any animals. I was learning something the other day — that caterpillars, I think it was in Australia — no, London, that caterpillars can actually make silk like spiders and they can silken up houses and trees and cars and all that kind of stuff. A monarch butterfly can fly 1,100 feet in the air. An armadillo’s shell is literally pretty much bulletproof, and they can actually give people leprosy. I was learning a lot of stuff on the animal shows.

SC: You’ve told me a lot about your lizard, what about your dogs?

RV: Both my dogs get along fine, but the bulldog, I actually found her four years ago by the bus stop. And I couldn’t leave her there, and I promised myself that I wasn’t gonna bring home another dog, because I had a Pomeranian, but unfortunately she had to be put to sleep because she kept having seizures. So I ended up bringing home the bulldog. I walk my dogs. I just walk, if it’s raining, I’m still walking. I don’t mind walking, because I walk everyday for an hour. Yeah, because today I got my two hour and fifteen minute walk in today. If it’s hot, cold, rainy, I’m still walking. Now if it’s thundering and lightning and hailing, I ain’t crazy. I am crazy, but I don’t get struck by lightning. I ain’t trying to get struck by lightning. I don’t wanna be in a coma for six months sitting on my ass. I would miss a lot in six months, I would be missing all my shows, my dog would be missing everything.

SC: That’s right, I heard that you have rescued a lot of animals, tell me about that.

RV: Yeah, the smallest dog I ever saved, like almost four years ago? Her name is Clara, our teacher Mady has her. She was real, real, real, real small when I found her, lemme see, that was about almost four years ago. She was probably not even bigger than my shoe. I found her by the bus stop and that’s when I had my long skateboard. And I couldn’t leave her there, she was with another dog, so I picked her up and brought her on the bus. And when I skateboarded here, she was in my backpack, because I never really fall, and then I said Mady, I got something for you, so I reached in my backpack and got it for her. I have rescued about four or five dogs total. I am good with animals. I hate to see dogs roaming the streets. Even this past Tuesday I was walking home, there’s this one dog and I thought it was a boy so I named it Homeboy, but I just found out this morning that she’s a girl, so I gotta change her name to Homegirl. She’s a chow mix. Whenever I see her, I always give her food.

SC: Do you ever bring your pets to Creative Growth?

RV: No. Well, my lizard is autistic, he doesn’t like changes. He’s only used to me. Like if anybody else try to hold him, he gets kind of spicy. But then if I hold him, he’ll come chill with me for like three to four hours. I be chilling with him. I got a thousand pictures of him. It’s un-American not to have a pet. Everybody should have one. I go to PetSmart. My mom says she’s allergic to snakes but she’s not, she just doesn’t like snakes. So if I could get a snake, a long time ago, I would have, but my mom doesn’t like snakes.

SC: Any last words, Ray?

RV: Patience is a vulture. And, if somebody tells you you are a horrible artist or you’re too old to do this or that, don’t listen to them because haters are gonna hate. And as Stan Lee would say, “Enough said.”

[bpdsafespace]

okay just gotta rant right quick

so once upon a time 7 years ago (i was 16, i’m 23 now) my first boyfriend broke up with me because he needed space and what-not you know the usual line they give you when they want somebody, just not you and he was sleeping with this girl like two weeks later (mind you, we were dating for 6 months and i didn’t sleep with him because he was my first boyfriend and i was like terrified and stuff, wouldn’t even give him a blowjob which is probably why he liked her better but :) don’t even wanna get into that) and this girl wasn’t really friends with me but she was the kinda girl who said i love you to everyone so she was always like I LOVE YOU to me and i’m like haha okay this girl is wild. meanwhile i found out she was sleeping with my ex-boyfriend and i was like wow fuck you but whatever, i was more mad at him. months passed and i ended up being best friends with this girl… how you ask? well, her and my ex broke up and i was like LET’S BEFRIEND THE GIRL HAHA SCREW YOU JOE (my ex) and anyways yeah we were bffs and everything was great and i loved her a lot, she ended up being cool and we’d rag on my ex all the time and it was a great friendship.

fast forward about six months later and i started dating this new guy and this girl’s starting to sleep around and i’m like ah none of my biddnezz w/e girlfriend you do you but she ends up hooking up with this guy who has no interest in being in relationships (i ran into him recently and his number is SEVENTY EIGHT NOW. SEVENTY EIGHT) and i specifically remember an instance where she had a party at her house and everyone was drinking and she made everyone leave DRUNK because she decided she wanted to drive to see him instead of host her party people were counting on her to host. so i’m starting to see the warning signs again that this girl is wild like she’s just an unreliable person and i’m not mad at her for the joe thing but like i know that’s the kinda person she is. so soon after this girl tells me that my boyfriend was flirting with her, now of course i’m like ahhh there’s my girl, always thinks every guy is obsessed with her. maybe i was being a bad friend but i mean, everyone knew she was like that and it’s not like my boyfriend tried to hook up with her… so alright. anyways. my boyfriend HATED her for telling me anything, called her a liar and shit, and i was like okay buddy calm down it’s not a big deal you’re just a flirty person, i’m not mad and i still like her. then some crazy shit started happening like she started cutting herself because of that boy who slept with everyone and she sent a mass text to all of us that she was killing herself and shut her phone off. obviously (or not obviously at the time for me because i never knew it was a thing) the girl has bpd. and even though it was totally attention-seeking behavior, i was like this girl needs attention. so i drove to her house and she was literally just sitting in her room. like no blood, no screaming, no anything. so i’m like. alright. idk what to do. she wouldn’t even speak to me or appreciate the fact that i showed up. my boyfriend ended up swaying me that she wasn’t worth me being friends with and now, five years later dealing with bpd hardcore i’m realizing that that was wrong of me to leave her like that. i realize that. but i also realize that sometimes you have to do what’s best for yourself and she wasn’t good for me. i couldn’t trust her and who wants to have a friend they can’t trust? everything was always about her and she always chose boys over me. and i still thought she told me my boyfriend was flirting with her just to make me upset. add in the fact that she sent her sex buddy some kind of naked video and told him he could show my boyfriend, it just ended up being a mess. so my boyfriend and i broke up and a couple months later i hang out with her again and she tells me SHE SLEPT WITH JOE. and i’m like lmfao that’s wild ok and i’m not mad about it but later i realize wow that’s kinda shitty ok because she always told me she never cared about joe but it was OBVIOUS that i did. but none of my business i guess, ya know, like i guess i don’t have a reason to be mad. even though i kinda do idk whatever. i had a falling out with her again and i don’t even remember why but i don’t think it was bitter.

so i ended up DATING joe again cause i’m a fuckin idiot but HE’S MY FIRST LOVE~~ I LOOVEEE HIM~~ i’m dumb. v dumb. anyways i date him for a good two years and then he ends up cheating on me 3 times with his best friend’s sister and she TELLS ME and i’m like no way you’re a liar and i knock tequila out of her hand all over the floor and my boyfriend is legit CRYING and i’m like fuck her and the next morning, i clean it up because i feel so bad and her brother lets me do it as if i was acting crazy and it’s because HE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS TRUE!! and anyways that was fucking wild but i push it to the back of my mind and continue to date him for six months later until he cheats on me AGAIN and then breaks up with me because he “needs space” and “is so stressed out” and literally bitches at me for telling him i can’t be here for him right now because my friend’s grandfather just died and i have to be there for her, like basically uses that as an excuse to break up with me because “i don’t care about his problems” and “he needs to be alone to figure it out” and wowee the whole deal was wild, i felt like i was in a movie!! because i found out he was dating someone else like two days later! like? i’m getting soooo pissed right now just thinking about it and yet this is still the guy i’m hooking up with and loving to this day!! I’M STUPID!! anyways

i end up at michelle’s house (my friend not-friend whatever she is who dated joe after me when i was 16) like six months after this happens because a couple of my friends are friends with her still and i thought it’d be awkward but it actually wasn’t like i told her the stuff my ex did and wow writing this i’m realizing the only shit we had in common was my ex!! like lmao i just liked shit-talking my ex with her! so we become friends again but not really friends like i’d see her/hang out with her once in a while. this was a year and a half ago. so everything was fine between us like we were cool but i knew for certain that i wasn’t going to get close to her again and i thought i had a good reason for it. didn’t i? or am i just overreacting? like sometimes when you have history like that with people you can never get that trust back in a friendship and like.. is it wrong for me to not trust her..? or? idk i always had this super paranoid feeling in the back of my head that she was going to hook up with joe again and then she told me that she hung out with him and he “was trying to hook up with her” and i asked joe about it and he’s like haha! that’s funny!! because i thought SHE WAS TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH ME!! so i’m like omfg this is so much fucking drama man what is going on

so fast forward to this new year’s. i end up hanging out with a few of my friends and michelle. everything is cool until we get back to one of my friend’s houses and michelle starts yelling at me about joe. like straight-up. first she’s telling me i deserve better and stuff. and i’m confused because like yeah i’m on and off hooking up with joe but 1. we’re not getting back together and 2. how do you know that? then she goes as far as to be like “JOE WILL NEVER CHOOSE YOU. HE WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE ME OVER YOU.” so i’m drunk and i run out of the room crying because wow that was so mean? and i’m sorry but joe will never choose you over me lmfao like i know he did when i was 16 but you were just a fuckbuddy. like i’m sorry. but joe and i have YEARS of history together. so whatever that was just a really mean thing to say and it confirmed to me that she thinks every boy is obsessed with her and is constantly trying to get in the way of my relationships. so the next day she texts me and apologizes and i forgive her immediately because i’m like okay yeah i get it, she was trying to look out for me. but then i think about it later and i’m like wait… i’m actually mad. so i tweet: “Someone: *treats me badly* Me: *forgives them immediately* Me 2 weeks later, eyes snapping open at 3 am: you know what?? I’m mad at you.” and apparently she’s mad that i tweet that and idgaf if she knows it’s about her because i’m actually making fun of myself for being like this, not her.

so i see her in the bar again last weekend and i’m like to my friends, “DON’T LET US FIGHT.” and they’re like ok but whattaya know, we end up in a fight again. and she brings up THE BRAN (my other bf) SITUATION, basically claims it’s my fault she ended up in a psych ward because of it (uh, no, you were cutting yourself and stuff because of that boy you were having sex with, not because of me bye). so i apologize but apparently my apology wasn’t good enough like i was rolling my eyes or something which i don’t remember doing but I WAS DRUNK. and she doesn’t apologize AT ALL when i go “so you slept with joe to get back at me” - instead she’s like “YOU’RE MAD AT ME OVER OLD STUFF” and i’m like ?? i’m not mad at you over that stuff?? i just know i can’t trust you because of it. that’s different. and you’re the one bringing up old stuff?? like. then on top of that, i tell everyone i’m obsessed w one of my friend’s coworkers that is about to meet up with us and immediately after meeting him, she tells my friend she’s going to fuck him. so i’m like… SERIOUSLY? THIS GIRL IS AT IT AGAIN IS THIS FUCKING SERIOUS

so i tell joe. and he’s like dude you gotta call her out for that shit. so i’m like alright I WILL. so i text her. and she gets all defensive like i didn’t know you liked him and blah blah and again continues to tell me i have a secret hatred for her and that i’m so petty and ridiculous for not just bringing it to the surface. and i’m like wtf i don’t have a secret hatred for you (in my head i’m like: i just don’t trust you… and you’re rude as fuck to me when you’re drunk). then eventually she stops answering me and i’m left like… okay wow great cool, now i feel like shit because every time i stand up for myself i feel like shit!! because people always have a justification for everything they do and they come back at me with stuff i do and it’s just kinda like :) maybe i do deserve all of the ways they treat me :) but like… i didn’t deserve new years. and now i feel bad too because maybe i do have a “secret hatred” for her, like is that what she calls not trusting her? and i only threw the joe thing in her face because she threw the bran thing in my face? so? like? idk now i feel like i’m a horrible person and a liar because i told her i wasn’t mad and now, again, i’m left… mad. and i can’t say anything else because at the end of the day i don’t even want to speak to her anymore because we never see eye to eye and our best friend days have been over for four years now and i don’t need someone like her in my life. but it would be nice to go to the bar with my friends and see her and be civil with her. idk why she always gotta start a fight. now everything is awkward and this happened almost a week ago and i still think about it constantly and i don’t know what to do like should i apologize now i feel so bad and i hate when people don’t like me