#when he looked our way and i didn’t know how to behave and the camera lag is REAL LMAO

[youngke]

soundcheck yoongi… i’m thinkin’ ‘bout you ❤️‍🔥

[confusionmeisss]

can you watch my boyfriend, please? - c. sturniolo

🫧 chris sturniolo x fem!reader

🫧 the “can you babysit my boyfriend” tiktok couples trend with chris!!

🫧 this is just fluff. there is the use of “y/n” apologies. some swears. that’s about it.

🫧 548 words.

🫧 hi lovelies!! thank u for wanting to read!!!! :) i’ve been seeing tons of videos of this trend & i was inspired. i thought it would fit chris soo well! i hope u enjoy reading bc this was very fun to write!! <3 nick version matt version masterlist

Chris was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping idly on a capri sun and scrolling away on his phone. He was blissfully unaware of his surroundings, he didn’t even hear the sound of your footsteps approaching.

Chris looks up when he hears your voice.

“Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for me, please? I’ll be back quick, I promise, I just need to go and grab something.

Chris watches you say, smiling at your phone camera, propping it up against the vase of tulips. He looks up at you confused, but you just place a kiss in his hair and smile once more at the camera before leaving the kitchen.

“Uhm,” Chris mumbles out, looking confusedly at the camera.

His confusion only lasts a moment though before he starts speaking. “So I was up late last night, and I stumbled upon this video about analog horror and liminal spaces and the backrooms and such. And then I found this one guys youtube channel and I’ve been binging his videos since like three am. Dude, the backrooms are fucking freaky. I just know they would make Nick paranoid as fuck, so I definitely have to show them to him,” he says with a laugh.

He reaches for his capri sun. “Oh! I’ve been on such a capri sun kick for the past like week. Pepsi is still my number one though,” he says, making a heart with his hands.

“Hey, how do people make the heart with their fingers? Y/N can do it, and she’s tried teaching me, but I just can’t seem to get it!” Chris huffs out, attempting to make a heart with his fingers. He stares down at them trying to bend them into the shape he’s seen you do multiple times.

He lets out a huff, looking back up at the camera, and letting his hands fall onto the table. “See, I just can’t seem to get it!”

“Oh! Oh! We went out to eat yesterday for dinner, and,” Chris cuts himself off with a little giggle, “and we witnessed this guy scrape all the toppings off his pizza and then stack the pieces up on the tray. I’ve never in my twenty years seen someone do that!”

Chris looks up when hears you approaching.

You lean over his shoulder. “Hey, I’m back, thanks for watching him guys. I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

Chris looks up at you offended by this statement, but you just smile down at him, and place a hand in his hair, reaching with the other to end your recording.

—

comments

the way chris had to assure us that pepsi was still his number one beverage choice 😭

pls let us babysit him again, he was very well behaved. just talked our ears off, 10/10 very pleasant 😁

not chris wanting to show nick the backrooms knowing he’d be paranoid by them 😭

someone did what with their pizza????

capri suns are 🔥🔥🔥

him trying to do the finger heart is so 🥺💕

don’t worry chris, i too, cannot do the finger heart

his giggleeee 💞💞💞

how to be in a relationship like chris & y/n no borax no glue

they’re such cuties 🥰

the way she is with him 🥺 oh i want that badddd

[alohajun]

hi wifey! i saw requests were open so i wanted to request a cute little mingyu drabble (you know me). just something soft and sweet and cute based on what you think i would like <3 all creative freedom goes to you <3

♡ LUCKY CHARM — KIM MINGYU

f1 racer!mingyu x race engineer!fem!reader | wc : 0.5k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, f1 au, coworkers to lovers, fluff | loki's lines : i thought this would be quite fitting since our chats recently have been gojo (iykyk) and f1. love you, ratharan <3

“no, no, wait. where’s y/n? she has to knock on my helmet!”

the entire garage groaned at mingyu’s words, urging him to get the car out of the pit in time before the first qualifying round was over.

it was a silly little thing, really. what once started off as a teasing knock on his helmet by you turned out to be what kim mingyu considered his good luck charm.

but when mingyu started to see just how much he achieved after those teasing knocks, he didn’t dare to get on the track without you knocking on his helmet first.

you were just his race engineer ever since he started racing for ferrari, but to him, you were so much more; you were his lucky charm.

“she’s probably on the way. just get in the damn car, gyu!” the mechanic exasperatedly uttered, looking over at the screens. “only seven more minutes left.”

the team pleaded for him to get into the car, not wanting to lose out on the points for his drivers’ championship and the constructors’ championship too.

but mingyu only shook his head.

“no, i can’t. not until y/n gets here.” he stated, looking like a petulant child as he stood near his car with his hands on his hips, all geared up as he waited for you.

“kim mingyu.” the team principal scolded, his voice stern. “you are cutting it close, and we don’t have time for your—”

his words were cut off with your arrival, speedily rushing towards, an abundance of apologies leaving your lips. “sorry, sorry! the paddock scanner was down. they wouldn’t let me in!” you stated, looking truly apologetic towards the team.

without even waiting for him to speak, you rushed towards mingyu, knocking on his helmet thrice before ushering him towards the car as you looked at the timer.

“five minutes left, mingyu.” you nodded encouragingly, trusting his skills enough to know that he’d get in a good lap. “get yourself into round two of qualifying, yeah?”

mingyu beamed underneath his helmet, jumping into the car and moving out of the pit lane once he got the okay, making his way onto the track. you watched from the pit wall, coaching him through the qualifying rounds to ensure he’d come on top.

and he did.

as mingyu came on pole, with no other car being able to beat his score, the entire garage burst into cheers, and you sighed in relief, headphones still on as you smiled while looking at mingyu’s onboard camera.

“pole position, gyu!” you congratulated him on his accomplishment over the radio, chuckling softly. “you did it! p1 tomorrow, baby!”

as soon as mingyu made it to the paddock after qualifying, he made a beeline towards the ferrari garage, rushing over to the pit wall where he knew you’d be.

before you could even get a word out, mingyu lifted you off your feet, twirling you around. his arms were wrapped around you tightly, not letting you go even after he set you down.

“kim mingyu.” your eyes widened at his actions, wondering what had possessed him to behave like so as the cameras flashed wildly, capturing the two of you. “what on earth are you—”

you didn’t get to complete your sentence, your words fizzling out as you saw the cheesy smile on mingyu’s face, looking at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

“go on a date with me, lucky charm.”

taglist : @kflixnet @mirxzii @woooooooosh8 @i05wook (to be added, please send an ask or dm!)

MASTERLISTS | TAGLIST FORM

© 2024 ALOHAJUN | PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COPYING OR REPOSTING MY WORK WITHIN OR OUTSIDE THIS SITE

[ghostofhyuck]

Taguan ng Anak series 3

Ex-lovers! Jeno and reader

Summary: On the first sunrise of the year, you met again the person who you loved the most that he completely destroyed you.

Oh right, and he’s the father of the unknowingly twins that he befriended.

cw: mentions of pregnancy.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

No one appreciates winter at the beach as much as Jeno.

His camera sat idly on his hand, waiting for the sun to rise. It was the first sunrise of the year, and Jeno made sure that he’ll watch it somewhere unique. Jeno searched on Naver just to look for a hidden beach that’s not crowded with people during the winter season.

The place was beautiful. The resthouse that he booked was clean and suits his taste. There were only a few people around the area but he heard that the room next to his was rented too, he guessed that he’s not the only one who went to watch the sunrise there.

It was ten minutes till sunrise, Jeno patiently sat on the sand, looking at the old photos on his camera. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw photos of his family, his cats, and even his friends. Jeno enjoys taking pictures in his spare time, a small hobby that he grew to love outside his busy job as a nurse.

“Hey! I told you not to throw sand on me!”

“You did it first!”

“I didn’t! And addressed me as your ‘noona!’ I’m much older!”

“No! We’re only five minutes apart!”

Jeno couldn’t help but glance at the noise that sort of destroyed his peace. He saw two kids nearby, fighting. Jeno crunches his forehead, who the hell leaves their kids unsupervised? He looks around and sees that it’s just him and the two kids, as much as he wants to mind his own business, Jeno couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

“Yah! The sun is near! Where’s our phone?”

“I told you to get mama’s phone!”

“Her phone’s still charging,”

“You drained its battery playing games again! How can we take photos of the sunrise now!?”

“Hey you two!” Jeno shouted, standing up from his place. He quietly patted the sand from his pants and approached the two kids.

“We’re sorry for being noisy,” the girl immediately said, bowing her head. Her younger brother immediately followed. Jeno stops, surprised to see how the kids’ attitudes changed immediately.

Jeno chuckles, “hey, you guys did disturb me, but it’s fine. I heard you two wanted pictures of the sunrise, I’ll give you some.”

“Really!? Thank you uncle!” the girl exclaims, bowing once again which her younger brother imitated.

“No worries kids, come on, let's watch the sunrise together,” Jeno smiles.

“Thank you uncle!” they both said once again.

Somehow, Jeno feels lighthearted around them. He couldn’t help but feel like there’s something that connects him to the two of them. Jeno couldn’t point it out and tries to ignore the fact that the boy looks like a splitting image of him.

“There’s no way,” he couldn’t help but laugh. Trying to erase his imaginative mind and instead, focused on the golden sky in front of them. The kids were behaving well beside him, Jeno could only hear small gasps as the sun rose slowly. He took pictures of the scenery and the kids too. Jeno wanted to make sure that the kids can bring home some good memories.

“Thank you uncle for taking pictures of the sunset!” the younger girl said. “Mama would like this!”

“Oh really? Where’s your mom?” Jeno asked. Looking around and still seeing that it’s just the three of them around the area.

“She’s in the resthouse sleeping! She said that she’ll watch the sunrise with us but she overslept!” the younger boy explains with a pout.

“But, but! That’s because she spent the night finishing her draft, you know that Hiro!” the girl explains.

“Yeah, but this is our vacation! Why is she working anyway,” the boy scratches his head.

Jeno couldn’t help but laugh, “by the way, I don’t know your names yet, can you tell me?”

“Oh! We’re —”

“Yoomi! Hiro! Where are you two!?”

“Mama!” Jeno stopped his tracks when the kids passed by him and went to the voice that called them.

“Oh dear, I was worried!? What if a bad guy stole you two from me!?” Jeno turns around and becomes dazed to see you with the kids hugging your legs. You were so worried that you didn’t even notice Jeno. you were trying to check the twins if there was anything that happened to them.

“It’s okay mama! There’s this good-looking uncle who took photos for us!” Yoomi excitedly said.

“She’s right mama! There’s uncle!” Hiro shouted, pointing at Jeno.

And in a second, your world stopped. He approaches you casually so that you didn’t realise that you were frozen from where you are standing.

“Jeno…” you mumbled.

“It’s been a long time huh?” He greets you with a bitter tone.

“Yeah, it’s been a long time since…” you don’t want to finish your sentence, knowing how fresh it was still to you when was the last time you saw Jeno.

You met Jeno right after graduation. Right when you’re just trying to be stable in your life. To make it short, he was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to your life.

It’s not like he’s a bad guy but the timing was wrong. You two never passed the honeymoon phase so things went rough with you being a starving artist while Jeno struggled to survive med school, complications arose from the shared apartment. Small misunderstanding and fights did occur, no one wants to lower their pride.

At the same time, both of you crave for each other, for each other’s touch and kisses. Most of your arguments will end up in bed. The two of you think that most of your fights were resolved after sharing intimacy, and the day will go back to normal as if both of you weren’t mad at each other.

But then came the huge fight between you two, you barely recall what was the starting point of the fight but all you know is that both of you were tired. So the two of you called it quits. The next day, you moved out of the apartment, leaving Jeno alone.

You know that relationships fail and you just have to pick yourself again to start over again. Well that didn’t happen to you after you broke up with Jeno. Especially when he left you not only with one, but two kids to carry. And with a little pride left to you, you returned to your hometown and raised the kids on your own until you were ready to settle and create your own career once again.

You didn’t hold any resentment against your children, but of course, there’s a part of you who wished that you had kids when you’re ready. You had choices too, but a part of you held onto that thought that the twins remind you so much about the person whom you loved so much that it completely destroyed you.

But it was all in the past now. You’re a rising writer and at the same time an editor at a well-known publishing company. Your schedule’s a bit hectic but you were able to raise the twins with love and care.

“You didn’t tell me,” Jeno said with a serious tone.

After that awkward greeting, the kids begged you to have Jeno come over to your place so that he can give them the pictures. Turns out it was you who rented the room next to his.

“How did you know?”

Jeno raised an eyebrow, “come on now, Hiro looks like me when I was young.”

You stayed quiet and could only look at the half glass of cold water in front of you, “If I told you, would things be different?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jeno I’m scared, you know how toxic we were back then, if I had returned to you and told you that I was pregnant, would it change a thing?”

Jeno became quiet, not knowing what to say. You were right, would things change if you went back to him? It never crossed his mind about having a family and kids; both of you are not ready during that time.

But it crossed his mind the thought of you raising two babies alone. You explained to him that you asked help with your parents and siblings but still, Jeno couldn’t help but feel guilty at what you’ve been through.

You two fought a lot and Jeno knows how toxic you two back then, but a part of him wished that he hadn’t engaged with those petty fights, he wished that he could’ve been more mature and see that relationships will always not be rainbows and sunshines.

He wishes that he could’ve been more understanding, and that he should’ve made your relationship with him work rather than making it worse.

“You’re right, things might’ve been worse too,” Jeno could only mutter. “I’m just — we were immature and I had some faults too, I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m sorry too, maybe the timing wasn’t right,”

“Do you think that the timing’s right now?”

You became quiet. You saw how Jeno looks at you with sincerity.

“You’re being straightforward,” you comment.

“I know and it’s all of the sudden,” he lets out a sigh. “But I am still the twin’s father, I want to help you on raising them. Listen, it doesn’t need for us to be together again, I just want to be a father to my kids.”

His kids. It’s so fitting to him. Something inside of you jumped when he told you those words. But you couldn’t help but fear that things might not work again. You’re afraid that you’ll let him enter your life again — only for you to be disappointed that the two of you are just never meant to be.

“I…Jeno, I —”

“I know, I’ll give you time to think,” Jeno quietly says. He then taps something on his phone, making your phone’s ringtone to chime.

“Seems like your phone number hasn’t changed,” he then stands up. “I’ll be going now, if the twins want to see me, they can just knock next door.”

As you hear the door closed, you couldn’t help but exhale loudly. It felt like a thick thorn had been removed from your heart after that conversation with Jeno. You have a lot of things to consider but for now, you could only look at the message Jeno has sent you.

No, it was a picture. It was Yoomi and Hiro together. Both of them are smiling widely and behind them was the first sunrise of the year. You couldn’t help but shed a tear, imagining what their reactions would be if you told them that it was their father who took photos of them.

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 11)

au masterlist

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, nicohischier, and 251,869 others

y/ndevils00 well… that was painful

welcome back to my post-game recap! if you don’t know who i am because you’ve been living under a rock, or you’ve been in jail (don’t do crimes unless you can get away with them), i’m y/n! or as my boyfriend calls me, ‘dove’! i work as the social media manager for one of the sluttiest teams (and maybe the worst this season…) in the National Hockey League: the New Jersey Devils!

let get into it! your favorite (or maybe least favorite. i wouldn’t blame you!) men from hell lost 4-6 against the patriotic old guys tonight…. i can’t say i wasn’t surprised

we had an absolutely scoreless (and sinless) first period on our end, transitioning into intermission down by 3!

but second period is when we really started heating up! we got FOUR lovely goals by THREE lovely people!!

starting with uncle Toffee!! who scored our first AND our fourth goal!! he’s been so queen girlboss slay recently! who knew he would be this good?! not me! i doubted him severely! (i cannot apologize for my previous thoughts about you uncle, i can only ask you to forgive me anyways because you took my DILH and i’m still recovering)

Timo the absolute Tank Engine got us our second goal of the night with his first goal of the season! and no penalties!! i feel like a proud mother to a usually extremely horribly behaved little boy 🥹

and of course, my favorite whore, my very best swiss, my least favorite kind of cheese; captain slut got our third goal of the night!! THAT’S MY HOE!! POP OFF! (he also got a penalty tonight but i’ve opted not to show that because he paid me $20)

and i could never forget to mention that my beautiful angel of a bad bitch, Rowdy, got an assist on THREE out of four of our goals tonight!! he’s only 3 points away from 20 points already!! THAT’S MY (baby)GIRL!

and third period is when we immediately went as cool as the ice they skate on… giving up three goals (including an empty netter to the oldest looking man alive)… we got no goals of our own and my sweet baby angel face bestie number 1 got a penalty for being too perfect 😔

all-in-all, let’s wish the boys luck against the sabres on friday because apparently they need it! i think friday’s enemy gave them some pretty good advice though and they should put it to use!

p.s. ikea baby and merc-dog are my exact reactions to how badly we played in the third

p.p.s. ovi… when i catch you ovi 🥊😑

tagged john.marino97, tofff73, tmeier96, nicohischier, jackhughes, lhughes_06, jesperbratt, and dawson1417

Load more comments

jackhughes dove, baby, what is that abomination of a 5th photo?

y/ndevils00 my camera wouldn’t focus :(

jackhughes so why post it?

y/ndevils00 you don’t appreciate my talents

jackhughes i can assure you, i appreciate your talents plenty. photo taking is just usually not one of them

lhughes_06 gross

user29 did she just threaten OVECHKIN?! 😭

user17 i fear we may lose these updates after this threat 😪

jesperbratt what was i 😦 at?

y/ndevils00 i honestly couldn’t tell you— i was too busy wondering the best way to fit you in my pocket

john.marino97 i got a picture?!

y/ndevils00 you got an assist and no penalties!

john.marino97 but dawson got a penalty and no assists and still got a picture?

y/ndevils00 you’re not dawson, the standards for you are different

john.marino97 i’ve known you for 4 years and this is how i get treated? DAWSON HAS ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR 2!

y/ndevils00 you tattle on me, you deserve your treatment

dawson1417 she’s got you there, bud

tofff73 you doubted me?!

y/ndevils00 in my defense, i didn’t know you were chill like that

tofff73 jack has informed me that you cried at the trade, i forgive your doubts

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes YOU’RE TELLING HIM MY SECRETS?!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 i wasn’t aware that you usually blast your “secrets” on your instagram story

user81 the random luke picture… y/n loves her smush 🥹

tmeier96 did you just call me a tank engine?

tmeier96 also, i’m OLDER than you!

y/ndevils00 that was a compliment! i’m saying you’re built!

tmeier96 you’re a funny little thing

y/ndevils00 also yes you are older— i said i FELT like a proud mother, not that i AM one. i already have one reckless child at home, i don’t want another

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 she’s a cat.

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes SHE IS OUR BABY

trevorzegras you love testing how far you can push before you get a warning for your behavior, don’t you?

y/ndevils00 i learned from you 🫶

trevorzegras you’re a cockroach

y/ndevils00 all i’m hearing is that i’m resilient and can live through anything

trevorzegras i hate you

y/ndevils00 you WISH you hated me— if you really did then you wouldn’t facetime me twice a week

nicohischier there are so many things i take issue with about my paragraph

y/ndevils00 is it that it’s not long enough? i’m sorry, i’ll make it longer next time!

nicohischier please DON’T.

lhughes_06 ya know, you were a lot nicer before i joined the team

y/ndevils00 oh good! that means i’m doing this right!

lhughes_06 doing what right?

y/ndevils00 tough love!

dawson1417 i didn’t do anything :(

y/ndevils00 i know, sugarplum!

dawson1417 they jailed me…

y/ndevils00 i can’t imagine how traumatic that must’ve been for you

dawson1417 oh it wasn’t that bad, you were in there too

y/ndevils00 yeah…. lindy put me there in 2nd intermission. he said if i wouldn’t stop chirping the capitals as though i was a player, then i needed to be treated like a player and get a penalty…. then i couldn’t get out because the game started again

dawson1417 you can’t skate, how did you get in?

y/ndevils00 i was betrayed

nicohischier @/y/ndevils00 i stand by it.

y/ndevils00 @/nicohischier YOU ALMOST DROPPED ME TWICE

nicohischier those were on purpose.

dawson1417 and how did you get out?

y/ndevils00 my knight in shining armor!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 i didn’t get you out?

jesperbratt i did!

jackhughes oh, yeah, that makes sense

[msbutterfly5294]

A Break In Reality - From A Schizophrenic :

TWs : Hallucinations , Delusions , Self Unalive , Harmful Thoughts + Feelings , Severe Mental State

Howdy , I am msbutterfly and I am a schizophrenic . For context : I am female and twenty years old .

I wouldn’t like to post something like this regarding my mental condition , however I would like to call to attention an event that has happened earlier today and some notes to those who have a loved one who suffers much like I , or who suffer along with me .

The best way to put it for those who don’t have schizophrenia is that you’re dreaming but you’re in reality . Everything is distorted and you , your loved ones , your environment , your everything is a dream , none of it is real. . . But it is .

And. . . Recently , I am living in the delusion that I’m being experimented on in a psychiatric hospital . They made my room look like my room , they made my house appear like the one I live in now , they somehow made my loved ones real so I can continue “ living ” peacefully while they experiment on me . No thing I have , everything I have built , none of my dearest people. . . All of them are false . They were made to keep me from waking up , because once I wake up. . . They have to unalive me . There are cameras that show up randomly , they always follow me and just me . When I point them out to family , they become worried because it disappears the moment I point to them . They don’t see what I know is there .

. . . Earlier today , I received a message from my little sister ( she’s seventeen ) . She said she loved me , I told her I love her too , she responded she was in the hospital , so I text her back asking what happened , and after my message was sent , I called her . She picked up and I asked her what happened . From there , she explained she didn’t text me and she wasn’t in the hospital . I looked back at the messages from her to explain what she sent , and they weren’t there .

They didn’t exist .

My little sister is fine , by the way . Concerned , but safe .

I texted my darling . He was also concerned when I explained that I had visiting hours and he can’t call until sixPM . He called anyways and once he saw that I was at home , he was relieved .

I am msbutterfly and I’m a schizophrenic . I suffer from a variety of chronic mental conditions , the most destructive is the schizophrenia . I see , hear , and feel things that aren’t there ( visual , auditory , and tactile hallucinations ) .

And these recent occurrences aren’t every event that has happened with the mental condition .

To whoever has it , you aren’t alone .

To those with a loved one who has schizophrenia , we need you .

It’s scary , sometimes it’s life threatening to ourselves and-or others , sometimes it makes you want to distance yourself , other times we scream and want to unalive ourselves because we finally come back to reality for a moment we see the hurt that our loved ones feel because of us , every now and again you may feel overwhelmed or even ashamed because of how we behave and how we think and feel. . .

The delusion I have of being in a mental hospital may be true , but I think I’m real and this is reality. . . My loved ones are real . They said they’re real . That this is reality. . . I pray ( as a non-religious entity ) that this is reality , that they are real , because if this is a dream. . . This is beyond fucked up . To make my loved ones so real and so beautiful as they are only for it to be a lie .

We need you , our support group , our friends , our lovers , our family . We are just as human as you , even if we aren’t fully here ourselves .

Thx you to those who read every word here . Thx you to those who still care and love . Thx you to those who. . . Remind me that I’m human , despite the suffering .

[decks-writing-blog]

Whatever the Fuck Benrey Is: Chapter Ten: I Hate That You're Right

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

~

‘We’re heading back now. See you in a few hours,’ Gordon’s text read when Benrey returned to his phone post indulging in a hot shower. It was dated twenty minutes ago so that ‘few hours’ still stood as a long time. But at least when he did finally get here, Benrey would have someone to play games with again.

‘k’ Benrey sent back. He’d behaved, despite largely being bored for this long, he could last a little longer. With nothing else to do for now though, he settled in for more solo gaming.

Over the next hour or so, he exchanged a couple more texts with Gordon, nothing substantial, just idle chit-chat. Not too long after that conversation petered out, Tommy texted him with, ‘Mr. Freeman fell asleep in backseat. I’m a bit worried after yesterday. This morning he said he slept the whole night through after falling asleep at the table so he shouldn’t be tired anymore, right? Dr. Coomer says its probably fine but IDK. Humans don’t normally sleep this much, do they?’

Gordon had lied; he’d been on the phone with Benrey most of last night again, claiming his nap had been enough sleep so he wanted Benrey to play the rest of Wind Waker ‘with’ him. The call had ended because he needed to head to breakfast before heading out. If he was lying about having slept to Tommy though then perhaps he’d been lying to Benrey too. Staying up all night wasn’t a non-issue. Maybe the napping made up for it but then why was he lying about it to Tommy? Benrey had no way of knowing so… ‘idk’

‘Yeah. I guess you wouldn’t know either. Maybe it’s the car making him sleepy because he fell asleep during our 1st ride too.’ After staying up most of the prior night too. Something was up for sure.

How important could sleep be even for fragile humans though? Gordon was an idiot sometimes, sure, but he wouldn’t willingly do something dangerous. The sleeping all night thing was probably just because humans liked the sun and didn’t want to fall asleep randomly in the middle of the day like Gordon kept doing. The sun was nice after all so Benrey understood. ‘prbly its fine’

From there their conversation drifted to other things before also petering out. Having a good conversation over text message was a bit hard and Benrey quickly grew too antsy to sit still for it. This was the longest he’d been away from Black Mesa ever and the call to wander the town more couldn’t be ignored now that it was really starting to sink in that this might be a permanent life change. Being in a similar boat, Bubby might want to go on a walk with him. They could bond over being lab experiments seeing the world for the first time. And so, leaving his phone on charge, he grabbed his camera and headed off to find Bubby.

***

The first thing Gordon did upon returning to the hotel was take a long shower. During which, he did his best not to worry about where Benrey had got off to. A text from Bubby had revealed that the two of them had gone off on a walk that had taken them further than they’d intended and were on their way back. Nothing to worry about, it made sense in fact, but… what were they doing on that walk?

Such thoughts were just Gordon being anxious though. Less than good sleep the past few nights made his anxiety spike. As far as he knew Benrey had behaved since it had been made clear to him what he had to gain for doing so, there was no reason for him to stop now.

Despite having mostly soothed his worries, he was hit with a rush of relief upon stepping out of the bathroom and finding Benrey sitting in one of the chairs, waiting for him. He’d shifted back to a less human look; his skin a light gray-purple, his hair dark purple, and his eyes an even more piercing yellow than last Gordon had seen them as such.

“Yo, play with me, you said you would.” He gestured with the Game Cube controller in his hand to the TV screen which already had the Melee character select menu open. His voice sounded odd in person after how long they’d talked on the phone for, almost as if it belonged to a different person. His phone friend that had kept him sane the past few nights couldn’t possibly be the same Benrey that had once tormented him.

Shaking off that odd feeling, Gordon walked over to sit in the chair next to him, picking up the other controller laid down on its armrest. “Good to see you again too.” That was entirely true because somehow his ‘phone friend’ and Benrey were indeed the same person. Probably for Benrey it had all been just more games and him being bored; he didn’t care about keeping Gordon sane, he just wanted something to do as well as the PS3 promised for good behavior. But that was fine, Gordon had never had much in the way of friends so he’d take whatever he could get because he’d really needed it the few few nights and still needed it now.

~

They played Melee and then Mario Kart for longer than was probably wise. In Gordon’s defense, Benrey insisted on playing just a little be longer each time he brought up that they should probably quit soon and Gordon hadn’t had the willpower to deny him when he wanted to keep playing too. Eventually though, partly due to his need to get something to eat, he did break away to go out for food.

By unspoken, unquestioned agreement that only hit Gordon as odd once in the car, Benrey went with him. Sitting down for a late lunch with him should’ve felt odd too but instead it felt completely normal even though he didn’t eat anything despite Gordon’s offer to get him something. Instead he sat across from Gordon, making idle conversation even as he played more on the Game Boy.

Afterwards came finding a storage facility with enough room for all the Black Mesa stuff they currently had packed into all the cars they’d brought over plus whatever else might be salvaged before they found a good temporary lab. Dr. Coomer and Tommy were still off with the rest of the scientists who’d returned to Tuefort. A quick text conversation with them ensured they’d continued to be kept busy for a while longer, allowing Gordon to not have to worry about dropping Benrey off back at the hotel before starting the search.

Tuefort being a small town made it easy to find a decent looking place that sold storage units. Because it wasn’t his money and in case the lab took a while to find and set up, Gordon went ahead and rented the biggest storage shed available. With Benrey’s help – who surprisingly didn’t complain too much upon being asked for assistance – he unloaded everything in the car he’d borrowed. It then took another trip to grab the rest of it from the other vehicles and store that too.

Once that was done, he was basically free for the rest of the day. Not that there was a whole lot of the day left. But it wasn’t so late that the library would be closed for another hour or two probably. So, still trying not to let his exhaustion show too much, he headed that way next. If he was lucky, he could do some good research today and then in the next couple days settle on a suitable place to live, allowing them to move out of the hotel rather quickly. Probably it wasn’t going to be that fast or easy but the sooner he started looking, presumably the sooner they’d be out too.

Speaking of moving into a more permanent place though, the assumption was that Benrey would be moving in with him. At the time of making that assumption it had felt like a somewhat unfortunate necessity, now it didn’t seem so bad. In fact, it would be rather enjoyable; constant company and someone to play games with. But well with his opinion of Benrey going up… “Do you want to live with me?” he asked as he pulled the car to a stop in the library’s mostly barren parking lot. It was rude not to ask him what he wanted, right? They were friends now and thus his thoughts on where he wanted to live mattered.

Benrey looked up from his game. “Uh… I don’t really got anywhere else to go.”

“Yeah but… well, I was talking about it with the others the morning Bubby left to head back here. I floated the idea that we find a place big enough for us all to live together, share the rent and all that. Tommy declined though ‘cause he prefers living alone with just Sunkist and Bubby said he wants to try living alone too. So we all kinda decided to just get our own places but uh… you weren’t there of course and it was already kinda assumed you’d stay roommates with me but… do you want that?”

“The other option is Coomer, right? Uh… nah, he’s not as much of a gamer as you.”

“The other, other option is you get your own place too.” Gordon still didn’t like the idea of Benrey going off into the world on his own without anyone nearby to even attempt to keep a leash on him but… it felt wrong to not bring it up as an option. He’d lived in the lab his whole life, not having his own space except for the gamer pad but presumably that was just a single room. He deserved a chance at more. “You can’t right now ‘cause you don’t have a job but you could start looking for one. And then once you find one and are able to, you could move out on your own.” That would hopefully delay it long enough for Benrey to be more set in being good and thus it would be less of an issue.

Benrey was silent for a few seconds as he stared out the front window. “So I could uh… have my own like, house? All mine, no one else’s?”

“Yes. Obviously getting you a job is easier said than done since you don’t have like a social security number or whatever. But we could figure something, I’m sure.” People forged those kinds of things all the time, didn’t they? “Just something to start thinking about and maybe working towards if you want it. For now though, you are stuck with me so c’mon, let’s go do some research and stuff.” He opened his door, allowing him to slide out.

After pocketing the Game Boy, Benrey followed suit, falling in step with him as they started for the library entrance. “How’s the library gonna help us find a place to live?”

“They got computers we can borrow to do research on.”

“We could’ve just used the hotel manager’s again. They leave pretty early, I think.”

“Nope. I can’t walk through walls so I’m not risking setting off an alarm by breaking in. But uh, you ever been in a library before?”

“In games, yeah. They seemed boring in real life.” Figures he’d both think that and that that would be the case.

“Nah, they’re cool. I’ll get you a library card while we’re here so you can use a computer and maybe check stuff out if you want to.”

“Hmm… okay.”

***

True to Gordon’s word, the library was cooler than it had seemed in theory. The books were indeed boring but there were so many of them, more than Benrey had ever seen in a single room before, they wrapped back around to be interesting to look at and run his fingers over as he walked along the aisles. In addition to them there were also movies and music CD’s available to check out. No video games but according to Gordon that might happen one day. The computers didn’t have any games installed on it but it was free to use with nothing but a library card which was pretty cool.

In all, it was enough to keep Benrey entertained while Gordon did his research. Occasionally he quietly called Benrey over or just texted him to get him to look at and give his thoughts on this or that apartment or house listing. Benrey didn’t have much of an opinion on most of it but Gordon considering his input to be important was novel enough he tried his best to provide some anyway.

Despite the newness of his environment and Gordon’s occasional desire for his opinion, his thoughts kept circling back around to having his own place. Never had he considered the idea before Gordon offered it. Not just a small room in an out of the way part of Black Mesa but a whole living set up, multiple rooms, possibly even a whole building, that was his and only his to do with as he pleased. He could set the temperature as high as he wanted, decorate in whatever way was fun, leave things as much a mess or as clean as he felt like at any given time. On the other hand though… living alone sounded like it might get lonely with the whole ‘alone’ part of that phrase. It was certainly an idea to chew on.

Eventually, around the time the novelty had mostly worn off, it was time to leave because the library was closing. “We can drive around and look at places tomorrow if you like,” Gordon said as they walked out back towards the car.

“Uh, sure.” And perhaps while doing so Benrey would pay attention and try to figure out what kinds of things one was supposed to watch for when looking to buy or rent their own place.

It was starting to get dark by the time they returned to the hotel. Despite that they hung out for a bit with the rest of the Science Team in the dining area for dinner and then a few hours more just to hang out. Upon returning to their room, Benrey had expected Gordon to go to sleep; he’d been yawning a lot, acting rather tired and he’d told the others he was off to bed. As soon as they were alone in their room though… “Wanna play some more Melee?”

Benrey didn’t bother with a verbal response. Instead he went over to pop the game into the console before turning it and the TV on while Gordon pulled the chairs back over. Why they’d even bothered to put the chairs back by the window was beyond Benrey. Who would want to sit idly by the window when there was a TV with a console connected to it?

As they played though, it became more and more obvious that perhaps Gordon should’ve gone to bed after all. Benrey was of course playing one handed, making it fair enough that he could rightfully tease Gordon for losing but also so he’d be challenged still. The latter wasn’t happening anymore. Gordon had been openly frustrated by the losses and the teasing which was fun but that emotional energy started petering out after a couple hours, leaving him boring to play with. Beating him was too easy and he didn’t seem to care, not even when Benrey called him a noob.

So as nice as it was to finally have someone willing to play games with him for a long stretch of time again… “Should probably give up and go to sleep now, huh?”

“Nah, nah, I’m… good for another round or two. Or maybe we could switch to Mario Kart or uh… Mario Party might be fun.”

Benrey, having nabbed Player 1 this time, backed out to the main menu. “You’re tired, it’s making you more stupid than normal.”

Proof of that was Gordon’s failure to look annoyed at being called stupid. “I’m fine. It’s only… uh…” he turned to check on the clock on the nightstand, “it’s not even midnight yet. I can stay up a bit longer.” … He was planning on staying up all night again? Really? Well, time to call him out on his lie then, huh?

Benrey stood and turned off the console and TV. He then walked over to stand in front of Gordon, letting him be the one looking down at him for once. He extended a hand for the controller still in Gordon’s hand. “You had a nightmare one night and then uh… the next night you asked me to help keep you up all night and then you did the same last night too, right?” Basically anyway, he’d called like halfway through it but had ended up staying awake for the rest of it.

Gordon looked at him in silence for a few second before sighing and handing over the controller. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

“Mm-hmm.” Benrey unplugged the controller from the console as he started loosely wrapping its cord around its middle. “And now you wanna stay up a third night in a row.”

“Uh… not the whole night maybe, just a few more hours.”

“But you said on the first night that missing one night wasn’t a problem but otherwise you need to sleep every night.” Benrey had paid attention because Gordon was his pet and he wanted to be a good pet owner.

“Yeah… I guess I did say that. But um… I’ve been napping and that makes up for it?” His voice rose a the end of it, making it a question, not a statement. Benrey wasn’t always good at picking up on those kinds of nuances but Gordon was often bad at not showing his emotions in some form on his face, in his words, or in his body language, making him easier to read than most people. It’s part of why Benrey liked him.

Benrey put the now neatly wrapped controller in its spot next to the Game Cube and unplugged the other one to start wrapping that one too. Wrapping the cord too tightly would be bad for it so he was careful to make it loose. “You lied to Tommy too. Said that uh… you slept all night last night when you didn’t. If napping made up for it, you wouldn’t’ve lied, right?” There wouldn’t have been a need to.

Gordon seemed to shrink under Benrey’s gaze. “Tommy told you I said that, huh?”

“Yep. Said he was worried ‘cause you fell asleep in the car after supposedly sleeping all afternoon and night.” Done wrapping the second controller now too. Which left him nothing to do with his hands as he turned back to Gordon so he just crossed them over his chest instead. “You’re a dirty lil’ liar, huh? Naughty boi.”

With a grimace, Gordon stood. “Look, I know I should sleep. It’s bad not to, I know that.But… well… I know I’m less likely to have a nightmare now that I’m finally out of that hellhole again. But I can almost guarantee I don’t have one, or at least don’t have a particularly vivid one,if I just stay up until I’m so exhausted I pass out. I promise that’s it’s… well, actually that is really fucking bad now that I’ve said it out loud but I just…” He trialed off with a groan as he rubbed his hand over his face. “I hate that you’re right.”

“Ha ha. I’m always right.”

“No, no you’re not. But you are right about this. So I guess I gotta go to bed. Do you think that we could…” He stopped as he looked away. Benrey waited for him to continue but after more than a minute of him just staring off into space, it became clear he wasn’t going to.

“We could what?”

Gordon flinched before he finally looked back up at Benrey. “Sorry I’m… real fucking tired. I’ll get ready for bed now. Thanks for… thanks.” He shambled over to the closet to pull out his pajamas before heading into the bathroom.

Benrey stared after him for a couple seconds before pulling out his phone. His first instinct was to text Tommy because Tommy knew lots of things about all sorts of stuff. But Tommy wasn’t human and didn’t need to sleep – though he did so every night anyway because he liked to, he was weird like that. Bubby also wouldn’t be a good person to ask when it came to matters related to humans sleeping because even though he was human, he was genetically engineered and thus likely his needs in that area probably weren’t the same as the average human’s. Leaving Coomer as the best person to ask. Presumably he’d once been a normal human before all the cybernetic upgrades, cloning, and whatever else they’d done to him had made him whatever he is now.

‘can humans die if they dont sleep enuf?’ Surely not, that was ridiculous, but Gordon had just implied that it was bad for him to skip sleep and ‘really fucking bad’ if he did so long enough to pass out. The question was how bad? He’d already proven himself not to be trusted when asked about such things though so Benrey had to go elsewhere.

Before Benrey could even finish lowering his phone, it pinged; Coomer’s reply. ‘Yes. Prolonged periods of sleep deprivation can lead to death in most animals, including humans.’

‘really?????’ Coomer had to be messing him, right? How could humans possibly be that weak?

‘Yes, really. Getting a proper night’s rest is essential for one’s health and well being. Most commonly sleep deprivation related deaths are the cause of impaired brain function leading to an accident. Such as a car, or other motorized vehicle, crash. In extreme cases, lack of sleep can lead to organ damage that eventually results in death.’

How was Benrey supposed to keep Gordon alive when something as dumb as not sleeping could kill him? Especially when his dumbass was over here trying to not sleep for multiple nights in a row. What the fuck was wrong with him? … His nightmares must be real bad, huh? Could the nightmares kill him too?

Before he could finish typing out that question to Coomer, Gordon returned. “Do you think you could uh… If you’re planning on hanging out here, if I start acting like I’m having a nightmare, could you wake me up? If you wanna go off and… I don’t know, play on the hotel manager’s computer some more instead, that’s fine too and stuff just…” He trailed off again.

Benrey put his phone away. He’d ask Coomer for more info later. “I’ll wake you.” Even though apparently if he did so too often Gordon could die. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to.

“Thanks. Good night.”

“’Night.”

Gordon shambled over and flopped onto the bed. This time he did remember to take his glasses off beforehand. He forgot to turn off the light though so Benrey did it for him, casting the room into darkness.

With a sigh he turned one of the chairs to face the bed before gathering up the Game Boy bag and sitting down in it. With a little bit of fucking around with the way his eyes worked he should be able to make himself see well enough in the dark to make the Game Boy’s lack of a properly lit screen a non-issue. So between that and texting Coomer for more information about humans’ required sleeping habits, he should have plenty to do to keep himself occupied while he watched over Gordon as he slept.

~

Next Chapter

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [12]

chapter twelve, act two: anobrain

masterlist

May 26th 2013

“First interview, you ready?” George asks Tommie.

She nods, arms crossed as she squeezes onto the little settee they have.

She’s a little nervous for her first interview since Matty and George have done a few before but she’s never done one.

“Hi,” The interviewer walks in, all smiles as she shakes their hands, “I’m Carly Wilford, nice to meet you.”

“Thank you.” They all say and she squeezes into the gap between Matty and George.

“So, I’ll be as quick as I can, I’m sure you guys would rather be watching all the acts that are talking back here, gonna just ask a few questions, maybe read some tweets, it’ll just be quick, no more than ten minutes.”

They all nod and she turns to the camera, introducing the three who give their usual awkward smiles and waves.

“Guys, it’s been a big year for you, there’s a lot going on, you’re absolutely everywhere, how does it feel?”

She holds the mic towards Matty who’s too busy fidgeting with the fabric of his jeans to notice, causing Tommie to nudge his arm with her elbow.

“Crazy.” He stutters quickly, hand moving to mess around with his hair, “We haven’t really been in the country for a lot of it, like when Chocolate went so mental, and now a new single. We’ve been in America and Europe, and just touring so we’ve just seen eachother everyday, it’s not really been that different for us. Yeah, but the shows are getting bigger, and people are really investing their time into us as the band, so it's amazing. Amazing time.”

She nods as he talks, “Who’s the best behaved in the band?” She asks, looking between George and Tommie. “Tommie?”

Matty and George break into a quick laugh, “Not Tommie.” They say at the same time.

“I’m well behaved.” She defends and Carly jumps in with a nod of agreement.

“Tommie’s the quiet one, she’s the baby, of course she’s the best behaved.”

“No,” George shakes his head, “I’m quite tidy on the bus, I wash up and that.”

“I’m tidy.” Tommie says quickly.

Matty shakes his head, “That’s ‘cause you're a control freak and need everything in order or you’ll spiral.”

George nods, “That’s also part of the reason I’m tidy,” Carly laughs a little and chimes in to defend Tommie telling her she’s a bit of a clean freak who needs things tidy too, “I’m afraid of her, honestly. She’s scary.”

“Tommie?” Carly reaches out to pat her shoulder gently, “My little Tommie? I don’t believe that, look at her.”

Matty shrugs, “I mean, if we’re being honest, we’re all kind of well behaved. We’ve been in the band a very long time, and this is a very kind of pursuit of music for us, so a lot of our partying doesn't happen when we’re on tour, cause we’re trying to try and keep it as this-, well, try to be as good as possible. But yeah, I suppose all of us have our moments, we’re in a rock band,” Tommie snorts at that and he moves his arm to wrap around her head, bringing her into a headlock, “You know what I mean? Got to be a bit naughty.”

“Yeah, of course.” She laughs watching Tommie struggle to fight her way out of his hold, “You just said, you’ve been on this journey for quite a long time, how long have you guys been working towards getting to where you are now?”

“We started a band when we were like… fourteen?”

George nods, “Fourteen, thirteen, yeah we started playing at school and then just after we played our first show just playing, like, really heavy punk covers, and stuff. We were just like, let's do this.”

“And, Tommie, obviously, you’re a bit younger than the rest, so how old were you?”

“Uh, I was seventeen, I didn’t really join until last year. Guess I was the push we needed.” She smiles smugly at Matty who tightens his arm and ruffles his hair causing her to elbow him harshly.

Matty smiles, leaning forward to take the mic, “She used to play guitar for us when she’d visit from home, we always tried to convince her to just join full time but she's a nerd…” She rolls her eyes at him and he smiles to himself, “Wanted to stay in school. But, yeah,” He shrugs, looking over his shoulder at her as she lounges back on the settee, “We, essentially, did need her to get the album, I guess.”

Carly smiles at them both and then moves on to her next question, “How do you keep going?”

“Alcohol.” Matty and Tommie say at the same time.

A few music related questions, and one embarrassing memory of when Tommie was thirteen and went out drinking with them for the first time (finding herself in a wheely bin), later the interview is almost to an end.

“Okay, we’re in Ireland. If you were on a desert island and you could be with one person, musically, dead or alive, who would it be?”

“Musically,” Matty says, “Michael Jackson. I don’t know, I think he’d probably get on my nerves after a couple of days. Just to go through musical ideas, yeah it would be Michael Jackson. Yeah.”

“Be like, MJ, stop grabbing your crotch and going ‘ahw’.”

“Yeah, it’s loud. It's six o’clock in the morning, there’s no need to shamon. There’s nowhere to go.”

“I reckon I’d be good with him, cause he’s like that when we’re in the studio so I can tame him down.”

“We think of ourselves a bit like Quincy Jones and Michael Jackon, that’s kind of me and George’s vibe. We’d probably clash, me and Michael, but he could reign us in.”

“Can you moonwalk?”

Matty perks up quickly and stops fiddling with his jacket, “Yes, very well.”

“Show me.”

Both Tommie and George groan in embarrassment as he gets up, he takes his sunglasses from his head, tossing them to her and she puts them on as she looks up at him.

“I actually can’t.”

He goes to sit down but Tommie has spread out to be more comfortable instead of being squished up against the arm of the chair.

He shrugs and settles for sitting on her lap, her arms go around him and he leans back against her as she starts playing with his hair.

“No,” He defends quickly gesturing to his feet and then to the floor, “It’s carpet, and I’ve got boots, and when I stood up, my whole management team just stared me in the face, and said ‘no way’, so um-”

“He’s lying,” Tommie says from behind him, “He can’t do it.”

“I can,” He turns back to Jamie and the rest of the team, “I was gonna moonwalk, aw, look, they’re approaching us.”

“Okay, Tommie? Desert island?”

“Alex Turner.” She says with no hesitation, then she quickly leans forward again, “But Humbug Alex Turner, where his hair was all nice and long and-”

“God.” Matty groans rolling his eyes.

“Shut it, Roddy.”

She pokes him in the side and he lets out a loud giggle at the ticklish feeling, “Arctic Monkeys fan?”

“Huge. Love them, love all of them.”

“You’re performing at Glastonbury this year, they’re there too, are you excited to maybe meet them?”

“Oh no,” She shakes her head quickly, face straight and smile dropped, “I couldn’t. I’d go all red and I’d stutter and start speaking in riddles. It would be really embarrassing, I’d rather stare from afar like some absolute creep.”

Carly laughs again before asking her next question, “Alright, if you could be on a desert island with somebody that you can have the most banter with in the whole entire world, who would it be?”

“Everybody from Geordie shore. Same for them.”

George shakes his head, “I was gonna say something more interesting, like Stephen Fry…”

“No, no, no,” Matty interrupts, arm waving around, “Gary… Gaz.”

“Okay, one last question, if you had to swap clothes with someone and be on a desert island with them what would it be and why.”

“Oh,” Tommie perks up, “That one Stevie Nicks outfit, you know,” She gestures to the top she’s wearing, “That denim top with the skirt.”

“The halter top?”

She nods quickly, hand running through her shaggy hair to push it back, “Yeah, yeah, that one.”

“ASAP Rocky.” Matty says.

George slaps his knee, turning away, “I was gonna say him.”

“ASAP Rocky for sure,” He gestures over to George, “We’re kind of the same person tho, so he’s gonna have the same answer as me.”

“You keep answering for him, let him answer,” She moves the mic to George who twirls his hair around his finger, “Is he bossy?”

“Versace.”

She laughs, throwing her head back, “Donatella?”

He nods, “Yeah. Maybe a few years ago, but yeah, would be exciting wouldn’t it, you wouldn’t get bored of what you’re wearing.”

Tommie starts bouncing Matty up and down on her knees causing him to grip onto her shoulder and she laughs at the face of horror he pulls.

“Even if you just had one outfit, you could like, change it around.”

Carly smiles, turning back to the camera, “Okay guys, the 1975, Derry, Londonderry radio one’s big weekend.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

“I want a dog.”

Adam looks up to Tommie who’s standing above him as he helps her take off her shoes, she has one hand on his head, her other holding onto Ross as they stand in the lobby of their hotel since she’s adamant she couldn’t have made it to the lift with the shoes on. As if she hadn’t walked thirty minutes from the festival.

He finally stands holding her shoes in his hand as Ross guides her to the lift, stumbling behind as he is equally as drunk.

“Why’s that?”

“I miss Millie.”

She sighs, head on Adam’s shoulder as she leans into him, “Yeah, I miss her too, sometimes.”

Adam smiles as she recalls an old memory from their childhood where their grandfather built a little box on the back of his bike for the dog so she didn’t have to miss out on bike rides as she got older.

“Can we have a sleepover tonight?”

“Don’t you want to finally sleep in your own room?”

“No,” She grumbles, eyes closed as she leans even further into him, “Want a sleepover with you.”

Adam sighs at the way she slurs her words and looks up at Ross, “You said you were having one drink.”

He shrugs, “One turned into a couple, which turned into a lot.”

“A lot? How many?”

Ross holds up both his hands, showing nine fingers. Adam sighs, “Where’s Matty? He was supposed to be with you.”

“Had an headache, he came back early, boring.”

“Boring!” Tommie echos, suddenly much more awake.

“Oh no.” She gasps looking around.

Ross is on high alert, looking into the mirrored walls as if the answer will appear while Adam grabs her shoulder, “What? What’s wrong?”

“Someone stole my shoes!”

He sighs and lifts his hand, she smiles brightly at the shoes and grips onto them, “Oh, thank you, my little hero. Did you fight the guy who stole them?”

“No one-” He sighs at the look on her face, “Yeah. Big fight, I think I broke his nose.”

She wraps her arm around his waist, head on his shoulder, “Thanks, Ads.”

“Come on, we’ll drop Ross off, get you some clothes, then have a sleepover, yeah?”

She nods, “Yeah. Ross can’t come.”

“Didn’t wanna come to your girlish sleepover anyway.” He huffs, turning away to keep pressing all the different buttons, making Adam sigh as he tries to manoeuvre himself, and Tommie who is now tightly clutched to him like a koala, to push his hand away.

“You snore too loud, instantly means you can’t be invited to sleepovers.”

“I thought I was your best friend.”

“You are,” She says, patting his head, “But rules are rules. Snorers are banned.”

When they finally get to their floor (seven minutes later than they would’ve thanks to Ross and all the unnecessary stops, Adam helps Ross to his room, tucking him up into bed and placing a glass of water beside him.

Tommie only breaks out of Adam’s hold once the entire time, to kiss Ross’ forehead and ruffle his hair as he falls asleep.

She sighs, leaning against the wall outside Adam’s room, clothes in hand from her own room that they had stopped at on the way, “Ads?”

“Hmm?”

He opens the door, holding it for her to come in as he flicks the lights on, “What happens next?”

“What?”

“With the band, us?”

She sits on the bed watching him move around as he starts preparing himself for tomorrow, “What do you mean?”

“We’ve had one good album, yeah? Got next year filled with tours and festivals again, but then it stops? There’s no creating a new album as of yet, no talks of future projects? What if Dirty Hit drops us? What if-”

“Hey,” He walks over to her, helping her pull her hoodie on and the tight plaits she’d made George do again, “None of that’s gonna happen, alright? It's been five months, we’ve got a busy schedule, we’re not a one hit wonder band.”

She sighs and falls back on the bed, pulling the blankets around her with a yawn, “Just, promise me if something goes wrong, if the band doesn’t make it we’ll all still be friends.”

Adam looks up from where he’s pulling his shoes off, “Of course we will, we’ve all known each other for years, Tommie, we’re not going to stop being friends. And plus,” He climbs into the bed beside her, “I think we’ve had all the huge arguments that could be had.”

She nods, “Like when Matty and George argued over the album name.”

“Yeah, exactly, one of us will have to do something really messed up for us to stop being friends.”

She’s silent for a few seconds then quietly whispers, “It’ll probably be Matty.”

He laughs, turning the lamp off as he quietly agrees before telling her to get some sleep.

She’s quiet for a few seconds, and when she thinks he’s fallen asleep she whispers into the room, “You guys make me a better person. I like myself when I’m with you, and if I don’t have that anymore I’m scared of who I’ll be.”

She thinks he doesn’t hear, but then he turns around and pulls her in for a hug, “You are a good person, Tom. You’re the best of us.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

June 3rd 2013

Tommie stares at the little ‘19’ on top of the cake as Matty sings his own (very butchered) version of the Welsh happy birthday.

He doesn’t care if it’s all wrong, she’s smiling back at him the entire time.

“Wow, getting old.”

“Shut up.”

She smiles even bigger as she leans forward to blow the candles out, eyes closed as Matty holds the cake.

They’re in her hotel room in Oklahoma, since it was her birthday the guys decided a day away from the bus would be the best present for her, she could get some alone time, sleep in a proper bed. Matty disagreed however, and got himself the hotel room right next door, waking her up at seven sharp.

She leans back a little, she’s sat on the bed, legs crossed and some old hoodie that once belonged to either George or Ross (she can tell from the length of the sleeves), being her warmth as protection against air conditioning Matty has insisted on putting on.

He’s sat opposite her, legs crossed in nothing but an old pair of joggers he uses for bed sometimes.

“What did you wish for?”

“Can’t tell you that, can I?” She asks, eating one of the icing figurines on top of the cake.

It’s Star Wars themed.

Matty moves as she takes the cake, resting his chin on his hands to stare up at her, fluttering his lashes in his best puppy dog face, “Please?”

“Nope.” She says, biting off the head of Darth Vader.

“Just a hint?”

“Won’t come true then.”

He sighs and sits up straight, “Really wish I could just like, take a hammer and crack open your head sometimes.”

“Why’s that?” She asks, fishing off Vader’s lightsaber.

He shrugs, “To see how it works. See what you’re thinking 24/7.”

She looks down at that picking at the white sheets of the hotel bed, he leans closer to catch her eye, tilting his head at her. “Don’t have to hide your thoughts from us, you know.”

She shrugs, “Maybe they’re stupid. Meant to be hidden.”

“I’ve read your work, Tommie,” He says quietly, not to break the peace they’ve created, “Seen how good you are at writing, don’t have to hide your ideas. Not from me, never from me.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

“Can I open my eyes now?”

Matty slowly pushes her a bit more forward and then lifts his hands from around her eyes.

She laughs as she looks up at the Cowboy and Western museum in front of them.

Something she used to do as a kid with her grandfather was watch cowboy and western movies. Every year for Halloween from the ages of six to twelve she dressed up as a cowgirl. (Except when she was eight and dressed up as Padme Amidala).

She leans back into him, another childish giggle leaving her lips, “Wait, before we go in.”

He turns her around and steps back with his phone up, “Smile. Gonna send this to your granch.”

She smiles at his phone for him, looking away when he pockets the phone and wraps an arm around her to guide her forward.

“Have the whole day planned for you again, when we’re finished here, we’re gonna go down to this tattoo shop, get new ones-”

“Is this my day or your day?”

“Shut up, you literally said last week you want a new tattoo.”

She smiles as they walk, sighing thankfully at the air conditioning inside.

“Where do you wanna go first? John Wayne Gacy?”

“Definitely not.” She says, steering him to the sign that says ‘Women in Wyoming’.

He raises a brow, “Why not? Isn’t he like cowboy legendary?” 

She laughs again, looking up at him, face suddenly serious, “John Wayne Gacy is a serial killer, Roddy. You’re thinking of John Wayne.”

“Same thing.”

“No, one is a murderous clown, the other is an actor, and also not a real cowboy.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

After the museum Matty had taken Tommie, and the rest of the band, out for a nice dinner in a quiet Pizza place he had found.

After a giant pizza that the five of them could barely finish alone, and about six garlic breads, the guys had headed back to the bus, Adam half asleep and practically being dragged by George at his fill of food.

Matty had made Tommie wait at her hotel room door in the middle of the hallway as he ran into his own room across from her. His door was left open, he’d put his shoe there so it wouldn’t close, and she can hear him moving about, cursing to himself. Until finally she hears a victorious little shout as he comes running back out, almost tripping on his shoe.

“Got you your present here.” He says, showing the box and she raises a brow.

“Matt…”

“Don't do the same stupid speech you do every year, just let me come in so you can open them.”

She takes the box and lets him inside. They sit in the same position as this morning.

Cross legged on the bed both facing each other, only this time it was a box in front of her and not a cake.

He pushes her hands towards the box, “Open them.”

“So impatient.” 

She slowly lifts the lid then her eyes widen when she finds a pair of dark coloured cowboy boots with skeleton hands painted on them.

Matty bites his lip at her face and his shoulders drop, “I saw them and remembered what you said a while back. About needing more emo shoes to fit in with the band. And I remembered those old boots from when you were a kid that you loved, remember those little flowery cowboy boots. You kicked George in the shin with them once, he was convinced they had steel toe caps. If you don’t like-”

She pushes them aside so she can reach him and wrap her arms around his neck, “I love them, Matty.” She smiles into his neck, “How do you always do this?”

“Do what?” He questions.

“Find a present that is just so undoubtedly me.”

He shrugs, “I know you.”

He pulls her closer and holds her there until he decides it’s time for him to head back to his room.

When they’re both at the door he places a kiss on her forehead and she pulls him into another hug. Her arms around his waist, his around her shoulders.

“Happy birthday, Baby.”

She smiles into his chest whispering her gratitude.

“And if you ever tell anyone I took you on a museum date, I will kill you.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

June 27th 2013

The lights dim, the familiar little AM squiggle turns up on screen and Tommie screams.

No screeches.

Ross covers his ears with his hands and George covers her mouth with his hand.

When the first few notes of ‘Do I wanna know?’ starts playing and she breaks out of George’s hold to start singing to the new tune she’s memorised since she first heard it.

“Oh my God, the Arctic Monkeys are right fucking there.”

Matty nods, “And they probably just heard you scream.”

“I don’t care, this is the best moment of my life!”

“Wow,” Adam fakes an offended gasp, “Not when the album was made?”

“Screw our album, I can’t wait for their new one. We have no chance against it. They’re getting my votes.”

Matty rolls his eyes, “Why don’t you just use the band name, get back stage and try to fuck him.”

She looks away at his harsh tone, “Maybe I will. Better shag than any of you three would be.”

Matty mumbles something about getting a drink and pushes out of the sectioned off area to head to the drink van.

George mumbles something about Tommie’s strict rule of always sticking to at least one person so you’re not alone so he and Adam take off after him as Ross stays to enjoy the music with her.

She looks up at him seriously during the ten second quiet between songs.

“I would seriously let him shag my brains out if I could. Not even kidding, I’d let him do whatever he wants to me.”

Ross grimaces, nose scrunched, brows drawn together, “Didn’t need to know that.”

“Let them all do it, all of them, together, take turns, don’t care.”

“Okay, regretting not going with them now. Please, stop.”

She nods, and turns back screaming along to Brianstorm at a speed he has never seen her sing before.

At the end of the concert, after several more sexual comments Ross has had to plug his ears for and many, many screams later, the concert has come to an end.

The pair, (the other three never returned), try to make their way over the barricade to get out, Ross completely losing his footing and eating shit in front of a crowd of people as Tommie has to tightly squeeze her thighs tighter not to piss herself in laughter… again.

They walk, arms linked, around the back end, looking for the others, or something to eat.

They que behind the one person in cue for the food truck, Tommie mumbling something about wanting a cone of chips.

As they’re writing they hear an accented, ‘excuse me’ from behind them.

Tommie’s eyes widen and she looks at Ross who’s smiling, refusing to turn around.

Ross nudges her shoulder and she turns slowly until she’s face to face with Jamie Cook.

Her biggest inspiration.

The reason she got into playing guitar.

“Hi.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. You’re really familiar, did you write that book? The poetry one, show me yours?”

She nods slowly and Ross butts in, “Yeah, when she was sixteen in school.”

Jamie smiles, “Really? Wow, it’s great. Al and I-” Tommie glances up at Ross at the mention of the Alex Turner, “Read it a few years ago, you’re an amazing writer.”

“Thank you, thank you. I love you- your music.”

He smiles, “Really? You guys like the show?”

“It was great.” Ross says with a nod.

He turns as his name is called to grab their food, passing Tommie her cone of chips, “You guys here for pleasure?”

“We’re performing, tomorrow.” She says quickly.

“Really? You in a band?”

Ross nods, shoving his burger into his mouth as he speaks, “The 1975.”

“Oh, you have that song, Chocolate. We heard it on the radio.”

“Really?”

He nods again, and partly turns away to order a load of food, “Chip?”

Tommie practically thrusts her chips at him and he smiles nodding as he takes one off her, “Thanks, fucking satrved after that.”

“What stage are you on tomorrow?” 

They both shrug, “No idea.” Ross admits.

“We just show up and hope someone else knows half the time.”

He laughs, “Yeah, Al’s the same. Don’t know his head from his arse half the time.”

“Tommie! Ross!”

They turn over their shoulder to see their Jamie waving them over, “Alright!” Ross shouts back.

“Nice meeting you, Mr Cook, or Jamie. Jamie Cook, sorry.”

She blushes and he smiles at her, “You too, Tommie McDuff.”

Ross turns her away as she smiles dreamily, “He knew my name.”

“Of course he did, he read your book.”

She pauses, “He read my book. Holy fuck, he nows how fucking psycho and messed up my childhood is. He thinks I’m crazy and weird and mentally ill.”

“You are all those things. But I don’t think it was the book that gave it away for him.”

“What do you mean?”

He tilts his head down, mimicking her fluttering lashes as he dreamily says, “Chip?”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart

@indierockgirrl

@sofaritsalrightt

@julezs-bl0g

@eaglestar31

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[hongtonie]

arirang radio highlights!

when junji picked up the camera for greetings nine goes “oh scary”

(the mc mentioned it’s been about 3 years since they last went on and asked if they’ve been doing well)

n: we haven’t been well

host: why why why?

n: we missed you! of course we haven’t been doing well we missed you!

jj: i don’t know if i can say this but

n: then don’t

jj: bc it’s kind of awkward. [something about his back being bad]

host: wow you already feel that (at your age)?

jj: so i think i should work out/exercise a bit

kb said in his heart [only] he’s still in his teens

host: [eng] i remember this actually ooo has no leader right? [kor] you don’t have a leader right? -*he probably brought this up bc it’s kind of unusual for groups to not have a leader but it does feel a bit….

kb: we do

yj: [we didn’t] but we have a new one!

m: while we were preparing for this comeback a new leader appeared

host: ah while preparing for this comeback? then…who is it

(yoojung and mill both ask who he thinks it is)

host: oh this is kinda difficult they’re all well spoken

m: go by feeling

host: by feeling…the way i see it….(looking at yoojung nine and rie’s side)ah!

jj: it seems like you’re excluding us (from the options)

n: *laughing* he didn’t look over there

m: please look at us too

host: oh i immediately went over to this (yj, n, rie) side! ah is the leader over here (jj, m, kb)?

n: no, no

kb: pls include us as candidates

n: [eng] choose one, choose one

host: honestly i was thinking it might be kyubin. he kind of has that pose

kb: did you see my age by any chance

host: oh no no no

(i think nine said something about kyubin’s hair going grey or him losing hair)

host: he’s kind of calm when he talks so [i thought it was him]

(everyone goes ahh)

host: oh was i right?

kb: it’s not me

n: rie please explain (who the leader is)

(kb and nine saying rie wanted to do it but-)

rie: i gave the chance up. our nine has a strong sense of responsibility and he already kind of took the position and said he wanted to try it and he’s well-behaved so i gave [the position] up.

host: ahh

rie: so now nine is the leader

host: [eng] nine is the leader! [kor] nine why did you want to do it?

n: [eng] ah because we want a leader [kor] we thought we needed a leader [eng] so i [kor] stepped up. i stepped up

host: [eng] i think he’s gonna be fantastic [kor] i think he’ll be a good leader!

(everyone agrees)

jj: i think he’s a leader who does his best

junji said with the stephanie situation mill was beside him and goes “hyung it’s stephanie, it’s stephanie”

yj: sungho said this to me “you kind of look young for your age.” i think that too

(he said that he hears it a lot)

yj: and the people around me when they hear kyubin’s actual age say that he looks young for his age

rie: what about junji

jj: unfortunately people dont tell me that. mom, dad. i love you

n: it’s like that for me too. when i go out [people say] i look older than kyubin

host: how do you feel when that happens?

n: how do i feel? i ask “are you sure?” with a scary gaze

(what is your dopamine lately)

m: for me of course the one that always is beside us, with an angel-like existence,

yj: me?

n: kyubinie?

m: lyons

host: i also thought you were gonna say kyubin. when do you feel dopamine most from fans?

m: this comeback lyons have been giving us so much love and we can always really feel it

kb: by any chance have you thought about repaying that love

m: i’m repaying it a lot. i’ll work hard. i’ll do well!

after the dopamine performance kb said he forgot the words for the first time

(nine is complaining again about mill not pursing his lips during the beyond kiss scene)

host: what did you do about it?

n: i went in like a gastroscrope and tried to find them (mill’s lips)

host: this is the first time i’ve heard something like this. seriously i’ve done this for 10 years and this is the first time i’ve heard people talk about a kiss scene. mill why did you do it like that? it’s a scene yk

m: i was so shy

n: [eng] so shy

host: ah it can be a little cute

n: [eng] so cute

host: if you have to do it again,

m&n: we did do it again

n: we shot a drama, called bump up business, and we had a kiss scene

host: before you do a kiss scene, do you have something you need to prepare?

n: ah of course i have it with me now

host: what is it?

yj: breath spray

n: *pulls out spray and uses it* [eng] and, kiss them

host: ah ok ok ok ok. so mill hadn’t prepared

n: yeah yeah he hadn’t prepared

host: but why are you prepared today, you don’t have a kiss scene?

n: you never know [eng] we prepare always we always prepare 🤷

rie: suddenly a kiss schedule with mill could come up

host: i think i’d run away like mill because im shy

n: [eng] its okay im so fast

host: what was the question

[alarrytale]

I know fans and especially old-day larries are sick of him and his tweet was the last straw but what if his larry denial wasn’t meant to be denial more like him telling fans to stop making everything he does as a larry sign and make theories about literally anything? It isn’t that long when tumblr larries were calling out twitter larries for this, for spreading literally every rumour and making theories of it because those twarries literally take everything as a larry sign - ‘Oh, Louis was staring at one vip box yesterday, there must’ve been Harry!’

‘There was some mysterious shadow in one of the vip boxes watching the show, that must’ve been Harry.’

‘Louis is talking to someone in the van, it must’ve been Harry.’

‘Lottie posted video from zoo and this voice sounds just like Harry so it’s definitely him behind the camera!’

Back in the day some larries called out Gemma when she named larries mental after some of them were constatly harrasing her in comment section in literally every post with “💚💙” and expecting her to out them. I don’t want to excuse him for how he behave and it’s right to call him out especially when it comes to being rude to fans or dragging that kid lately and pretending to be the father of the year but as long as I’ve seen him being in a great mood lately, chilled so he forgot to control his laddy lad image and his natural flamboyant mannerism came through, his smirk when singing “You still like to wear my jumper” after Umbro 2.0 or playing 7, what if he didn’t actually deny larry more like to tell fans in very unfortunate way to chill because not everything is a sign. In a normal world he would come online the next day and apologize or aknowledge his mistakes or just explain how he meant that tweet but this isn’t normal world, he’s closeted and can’t say/do much just like Harry.

The only thing that makes me sad that while some larries unstan him, his tweet also made them doubt if they are still together.

Hi, anon!

The thing is, Harry and Louis are closeted and together. They don't want to be closeted and they hate to stunt or to pretend they are someone they're not. So over the years they've given us signs here and there for us to pick up on to show that they are gay and together. It can be messaging through t-shirts or it can be the choice of closing songs at shows. Sometimes it's very subtle. So that has created a fandom that looks for signs in everything and can dig up information and connect dots like the FBI. Harry and Louis created that environment. They've even encouraged it with RBB and with Eroda and the FITF puzzles. They know we love that shit and we're good at it, because they've trained us well. Sometimes this fandom is going to see things that aren’t there. That's just how it is.

Us larries have been bullied and gaslighted and been made to look like lunatics for believing larry is real. We are ridiculed and told we are less than other fans. Some larries are also queer. Because of how we are treated we have an extra need to express ourself and be proud of who we are. We refuse to be silenced. We know we are right.

So if Louis or Harry are annoyed at us looking for signs everywhere and creating theories they can honestly fuck off. They created that environment and they now have to deal with it. I don't think they care if we think L looked at H at a concert when he wasn't there. So i don't think parmageddon is connected to that. If Gemma is annoyed at people commenting blue and green hearts on her ig posts she can fuck off too. It's our way of expressing ourselves as an oppressed group of fandom. It's our way to show our love and say 'we know what's real and what's not'. She is benefiting and riding the coat-tails of her brother's fame, so she can deal with a couple of blue and green hearts.

Don't let any of this stop you from being a proud larrie, theorising and expressing yourself!

[lonesomedreamer]

SNW Liveblog: “Under the Cloak of War”

another installment of Grimdark Trek in which SNW tries its hand at “Conscience of the King” without understanding that episode’s ethics.

or: The Wrath of M’Benga

A fantastic look for her! (Finally.)

Ortegas sucks, is judgy/borderline racist, and insubordinate. What else is new?

The choice to put war in Christine and M’Benga’s backstory still makes very little sense to me. I know Christine was underdeveloped in TOS, but this background has nothing to do with that character.

“Chris needs us [at dinner].” Why, though? They both clearly have pretty bad cases of PTSD (M’Benga almost had an actual heart attack in the previous scene), whereas Pike does not. So why does he need them there, for (lack of) moral support? Christine’s dating a Vulcan—maybe she should call M’Benga out for being illogical.

Protective boyfriend Spock!

“Our captain needs us.” This again? He needs them for what? And as CMO, M’Benga should be well aware that neither he nor Christine are medically fit to represent Pike, the Enterprise, or the Federation at large in their current emotional states.

NOT the Superpower Serum subplot coming back. It was stupid in 2x01, it’s stupid now.

Why do Klingon prosthetics/makeup look worse now than they did in the 80s? His scalp looks like it’s made out of plastic. (Which maybe it is. But that's the problem.)

Christine’s often emotionally unavailable partner is attempting to be warm/supportive/empathetic in his own way, and she’s pushing him away. I do understand that SNW!Christine is traumatized and suffering from PTSD, which may cause her to behave in ways others see as irrational…but she was able to cope with the horrific events of “All Those Who Wander” and to offer emotional support to Spock afterwards despite the likelihood that those events were probably upsetting/triggering. So her behavior here makes no sense to me. Maybe the writers hadn’t thought up this backstory for her back in Season One…

“War changes people.” But this episode isn’t going to explore whether it actually changed Rah, is it? Or whether he is/can be/should be redeemed?

“How can we represent a Federation that believes in peace if we say some people aren’t allowed to make up for their past?” Wow, the writers are actually allowing Pike to be articulate AND correct? Granted that he’s been a total insensitive dumbass so far, but I’m still impressed.

“And when you find whoever’s in charge, you make them pay.” Jess Bush is a very talented actress. So it’s a real shame that this is the material she’s been given. Trek is about people overcoming things like the desire for vengeance and being better humans—about choosing to be better, in fact! Yet this nurse is advocating vigilante justice?

“Don’t let hate ruin your soul.” These are some fundamental Trek ideas! But they're coming from the “bad guy,” so I guess the writers ARE saying that “some people aren’t allowed to make up for their past”...

M’Benga violently murdering someone in flashback...yikes??

I saw a comment about how disturbing it is that SNW keeps making its two medical characters special-op types, and it’s true. McCoy might have had faults, but he honored his oath to the letter. First, do no harm. He was an empath, arguably the conscience of the show—not for nothing do fans very often portray him as the symbolic “heart”/pathos of the TOS triumvirate! Pain, suffering, and death physically sickened him. He could never have fatally stabbed someone, in a rage or otherwise. Justified or not. That’s the kind of doctor I want on my peaceful intragalactic exploratory mission. Didn’t the Rukiya subplot and its highly questionable resolution make M’Benga morally ambiguous enough???

…well, that answers that question.

There are definitely cameras on the Enterprise. Probably even in Sickbay. We know this because of common sense and because they pulled the “tape” when prosecuting Kirk in “Court Martial” and then again when Sarek confronts Kirk in Search for Spock! Christine could NOT cover up the truth here. (And while I’ve seen some people argue that the truth is ambiguous, I strenuously disagree. M’Benga murdered Rah.) Nor should she. Though she’s a traumatized war survivor like M’Benga, and Rah is a criminal from the same war, the CMO of the Federation’s flagship stabbing a (probably-unarmed) diplomat in a time of peace AND while on duty is a most definitely court martial offense. To put it mildly! Even if M’Benga was driven by his severe PTSD to react violently when Rah confronted him, he should be relieved of his duties, placed on medical leave, and treated. He should NOT continue serving on the Enterprise. This is even more severe and alarming than his rash decision regarding his daughter in Season One, and it should be the end of his Starfleet career. WHY did they write this?!!?!

Not only does no one properly investigate, Pike kind of shrugs and side-eyes M’Benga slightly before closing the case. A diplomat was killed on his ship under suspicious circumstances while alone with two people that Pike knew were struggling emotionally as a result of said diplomat’s presence… and he just takes their word for what happened and moves on?!

tl;dr They’ve ruined M’Benga. Twice. The Rukiya subplot was pretty bad, but at least his ultimate goal was for his daughter to live. This is also bad, but it makes M’Benga—a DOCTOR—a cold-blooded killer (both in war and in peacetime) in a universe that has always stood against violence and vengeance and for dialogue and reconciliation. It’s still a “war is hell, peace is the way” message, but it’s weakened by the choices made by its characters. War is bad because it irrevocably traumatizes and destroys people. Healing doesn’t exist, not even in the utopian twenty-third century with all its advanced medicine. What kind of message is that?

Thanks, I hate it.

The Good: Babs Olusanmokun and Jess Bush both give amazing performances (better than the script/character arcs deserve by far), and Robert Wisdom was also great as Rah—Spock being a supportive boyfriend! ♥—a nice allusion to TNG: Spock mentions Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” (quoted by Riker in TNG S1)

The Bad: wildly out-of-character/unethical behavior and violence that contradicts and undermines the whole spirit of Star Trek!!! Babs’ excellent acting is undercut by an abysmal story (again)—an unnecessary war backstory for Christine so that she, too, can be Traumatized™—pointlessly sabotaging Christine and Spock’s relationship after just two three episodes* for, idk, drama?—bad Klingon makeup/prosthetics—Ortegas is a terrible officer—Pike is a terrible captain—no exploration of whether Rah was actually a changed man

I won’t comment on the war flashback scenes except to say that I don’t think they needed to be as gory or as drawn-out as they were to be effective. That’s on-brand for SNW, though.

Season 2 Pike is a completely ineffective leader who appears to command very little respect and even less authority. He really is the Sitcom Dad of captains—well-meaning, oblivious, and kind of bumbling.

Finally: I’m really confused about what motivated the writers/showrunners to pursue the Spock/Christine storyline for, what, 16-17 episodes only to now have Christine be reluctant to even call their relationship…well, a relationship. She also seems to be the one undermining said relationship. Just to refresh: in TOS, Christine was the one who admitted to being in love with Spock; who signed aboard the Enterprise out of loyalty to her missing fiance (!); who loved Spock so much that she let his consciousness be placed in hers in order to save his life. And in THIS VERY SHOW, Christine stole a shuttlecraft and engaged in interdimensional travel in order to beg some aliens to repair Spock’s broken genome!

Not only do I support Trek’s decades-long promotion of peace 110%, I also support SNW’s (apparent) goal of fleshing out the underdeveloped female characters from TOS. That said, there was no good reason to put full-blown war in Christine Chapel’s backstory! Girl was studying to be a bio-researcher and dating a professor before she became a nurse, not serving as a combat medic! If the creators wanted this show to feature original characters in the Trek universe, they could have done that—just like every other (pre-Discovery) Trek has done before them. But what they actually wanted was to use familiar names to get more views/higher ratings. So those names got assigned to characters who are still, essentially, OCs. It is endlessly frustrating to me.

But still not as frustrating as what they’ve done to M’Benga. The writers of this episode really need to watch “Conscience of the King” again. On a loop.

*I skipped 2x07 because Lower Decks is not my thing, but I know the S/C sabotage actually begins in that one. :|

EDIT: After thinking about it more and sleeping on it, I think that even if it WAS ambiguous and Rah killed himself or it was somehow self defense, M'Benga and Chapel have a moral obligation to attempt to save the life of a man with a giant knife sticking out of his chest. Instead, they both stare at him as he dies on the floor. Reprehensible behavior either way.

[aeoki]

SS Finals - Everyday: Chapter 7

Location: Shrine Characters: Hiyori, Jun & Nagisa

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< Almost an hour later. At a certain shrine in the Chūbu region. >

Jun: ………… *Claps hands together*

I pray we’ll be able to win “SS” this time!

(We’ve got no choice but to pray for that on the outside, huh. The cameras are rolling, so I’ve gotta behave how they expect idols to.)

(Personally, I don’t really believe in these “sorts of things”, though.)

(I was simply living out my days in order to surpass Jin Sagami – the one who was like a god to me when I was a kid, for better or worse.)

(My life will never begin until I clean up all those loose ends with him…)

(To be frank, I once thought I could quit being an idol once I defeated him and laughed at his face.)

Jun: (At the very least, I hope it’ll allow me to verify my worth as the idol, who wasn’t allowed to play with any toys or friends as a kid and worked hard to improve myself…)

(I’ve gotta prove that all the time I spent trying not to cry wasn’t a waste. Otherwise, it would be way too pitiful for my little self.)

(But things are different now. I’m no longer the person who couldn’t live if he didn’t finish the task in front of him, one after the other.)

(I’m not an idol and not a product of my crappy father’s imagination. I was able to come into contact with the human Jin Sagami.)

(When I saw him wearing an idol outfit he probably didn’t want to wear and confronting me properly…)

(It kinda felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

(Of course, old habits die hard and my body goes into fighting mode out of reflex whenever I see him, though.)

(I sometimes forget about him when I’m busy working as an idol every day.)

(He gets mentioned whenever I’m on TV shows and stuff from time to time, but even then…)

(There are times where I can’t pretend and react like it’s not something that “doesn’t interest me”.)

(Haha! There’s no way that wouldn’t be of interest to you, Jun Sazanami! After all, you’ve lived all this time trying to confront and surpass him!)

(But it seriously seems the highest thing on my priority list isn’t “that” right now.)

(I won’t think about complicated stuff like the others – I place my trust in the reactions from my physical body.)

(And that body has decided that “that” is no longer important.)

(I put up with everything no matter how much it hurt and how many times they trampled on me…)

(This body has refined itself!)

(You got any complaints, God~? GODDAMN!)

Hiyori: Come on, Jun-kun – how long are you going to keep praying for? Looks like Mr Greedy here has a lot of wishes…☆

Nagisa: …Hehe. Well, things will be focusing on Ibara for a while, so how we use our time now shouldn’t be an issue.

Hiyori: Then, do you want to walk around the shrine? Although, there’s not much here since it’s not a sightseeing spot.

Nagisa: Yeah. Shrines are originally places of prayer.

…It’s not a place to make money nor is it someplace popular.

…As long as it exists within the confines of capitalism, then even God has no choice but to be connected with “that”, I’m sure.

…God and religious faith exist because of humans, after all.

Hiyori: I don’t understand the whole god concept! Are they really that important?

It’s probably weird to hear that from someone who calls themselves “Eden” and “Eve”, but what’s wrong with being popular?

Nagisa: …There’s nothing wrong with it – You’re always in the right, Hiyori-kun.

…But we shouldn’t ignore those who live with that support.

…Both gods and money are an illusion created for people to live in a more rich and happy manner.

…Trampling over that is never the right thing to do.

Hiyori: …………

Jun: (Hmm? Could they not bicker when someone is trying to pray!?)

(Things have been odd – it feels kinda tense between Ohii-san and Nagi-senpai. Like Nagi-senpai’s the weird one here?)

(He’s been holed up in that strange, abandoned temple too. His actions are way too suspicious.)

(I’ve been feeling like it’s gotten even harder to know what he’s been thinking lately… I don’t like it one bit.)

(Us CosPro idols didn’t form a unit just so we could pretend we’re best buds with each other like the Yumenosaki idols.)

(We formed a unit because we needed it for our work and to earn money.)

(But even so, they were the people who gave me freedom and comfort…)

(When I was mentally controlled and tied down by my piece-of-crap father and Jin Sagami.)

(I think it’s my turn to help them this time.)

(How should I get about doing this? I don’t even know what’s going on, so how can I know what I should do!?)

(GODDAMN! I hate myself for not being smarter!)

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[prying-pandora666]

You are misremembering. That is only canon to NATLA.

Zuko in the OG show did NOT save the crew members he sailed with. His crew members in the animated series were older men, not new recruits. They were there at the behest of Iroh, whom they respected from his military days. They owed Zuko nothing, and none of them deserved to be told their lives didn’t matter, let alone be put into reckless danger.

The fact that people hold Azula to worse account for correcting an officer who dared talk down to her, when clearly the ship was able to dock just fine, and not Zuko for ACTUALLY nearly getting his men killed is just bizarre. These equivalent scenes aren’t meant to tell us Zuko is more moral than Azula. They’re meant to tell us Azula is *more competent*. Zuko couldn’t get his men under control. They were ready to mutiny. It took Iroh’s help to restore order. Azula got her captain back in line without even raising her voice. She depended on no one but herself. She is the bigger threat because she’s like Zuko except actually able to get the job done. That is what is being communicated to the audience.

This is why I despise that change in NATLA. It takes away from the most interesting part of The Storm. The fact that the episode never tells you how to feel. It presents to you something far more complicated than “Zuko is secretly a savior of men! You owe your loyalty to him!” (NATLA’s terrible writing has Iroh look at the camera and say that we owe Zuko our loyalty. Bleh)

In fact, we are never told that Zuko successfully saved anyone with his objection. There is no indication that anyone honored Zuko’s protest because why would they? He’s a kid who spoke out of turn and got burned and banished for it. An absurdly harsh punishment for a simple beurocratic infraction born of Zuko’s compassion for their soldiers and a little bit of a desire to show off (by Zuko’s own admission, he wanted to prove he was a good future Fire Lord). The last thing Ozai would want is to give Zuko any legitimacy for his protest considering the harsh punishment meted out for it.

The Storm presents us two sides of Zuko: the younger boy who just wanted to save their soldiers and paid a horrendously unfair price for it, and the older boy who doesn’t value his own crew member’s lives and will not only force them into danger, but will flat-out tell them to their faces that their lives don’t matter.

We the audience are left to decide for ourselves how we feel. Does the way Zuko was abused and punished justify how he’s acting now? When placed in a position of power, does Zuko hold any responsibility to not behave the way his father has groomed him to? Is he responsible for the lessons he has internalized? Does the futility of his gesture inform what he did but not excuse it? Do we forgive him? Do we absolve him? Or do we understand him but still condemn him? The messy complexity is the point. We are supposed to think about systemic problems vs personal responsibility and if it’s even possible to judge Zuko fairly knowing what he’s come from, especially considering his young and vulnerable age.

And if we come to the conclusion that Zuko should be forgiven and shown grace considering his circumstances, what justification is there for not extending the same to his younger sister who is even more enmeshed with their abusive father and violent, imperialistic culture?

No, Zuko didn’t save his crew (well, he did catch Jee after the storm, so there’s that). He didn’t save the men he spoke up for either. He was completely unable to save anyone. Not even himself. Not under the system the Fire Nation had created.

Zuko had to learn that the only way to win without becoming a monster was not to play.

Which is why saying things like “he didn’t MEAN to burn down Kyoshi!” misses the point entirely. Yes he did. He even tried to fry Suki alive. She would’ve been torched if Sokka hadn’t deflected Zuko’s attack. Zuko wasn’t playing around. He was there to kill if that’s what it took. Zuko being less competent isn’t “haha isn’t it funny how bad he is at being bad!” because the reality is that being bad at being an imperialist aggressor means he is a loose canon striking at everything in his path, unlike Azula who uses precision strikes. It doesn’t make Zuko less dangerous.

For civilians, an incompetently violent enemy is not better than a competent enemy who only hits military targets.

Even in the scene in the original post, Zuko nearly killed a bunch of kids! When he drove in, his ship cracked the ice and we see toddlers nearly fall in. Katara had to save one or else that kid would be dead. He then proceeds to threaten and intimidate a bunch of genocide survivors, knowing full well the implication bolstering his threats, the history that has these people too afraid to truly fight back. He knows why the men aren’t there to defend them. Zuko isn’t stupid. To praise the fact that Zuko didn’t kill them all when he was done is strange. Zuko still did something terrible. He then went on to be terrible in several other villages. He brought destruction everywhere he went in Book 1. To foes and allies alike.

To pretend he acted honorably or that he wasn’t “that bad” is to downplay the enormity of what Zuko had to grapple with and confront when he chose to change.

He was a bad person who did bad things. Even if he has sympathetic reasons for doing so. If we try to pretend he was never that bad, then what was redeemed?

I've been rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender because why not and I'm losing my mind at Zuko's proper introduction. I don't know if it's hindsight, shifting characterizations, or just me not watching this in a long time, but this was amazing.

We start off showing he's an impatient and very angry kid. Reasonable, and the sort of flaw we might expect to see in a villain. Kinda funny that he expects to go up against an adult and fully 4-Element realized Avatar, but the kid is desperate and Iroh clearly expects his nephew to get the banishment-denial kicked out of him.

What's important here, though, is Zuko's introduction to the Southern Water Tribe.

Here, we have a very intimidating entrance where his entire ship just sails through the ice right up to the village's front door. It's quite ominous and this is our first proper introduction to how the Fire Nation interacts with a foreign people.

Sokka charges, I'm assuming fully prepared to die, and Zuko casually knocks him out of the way. Okay, so clearly the Water Tribe are entirely outgunned.

He asks "Where are you hiding him?" and the people of the Water Tribe go silent. I assume they're either just too scared to talk or actually protecting Aang.

Whatever the case, it's important to note that the Southern Water Tribe know the terror the Fire Nation can inflict. We have a whole episode dedicated to tracking down a division of raiders. Sokka was able to not only identify the ash-mixed snow as signs of an incoming attack, but estimate how many ships the amount of ash measures to. These are a people who have experience being terrorized and are probably expecting something terrible to happen.

And then, after they don't answer, Zuko grabs Gran-Gran. There was a horror sting to it, and everything the tribe knows about the Fire Nation suggests that Zuko is about to threaten or straight up hurt her to get answers. Classic "terrorize the elderly" bad guy stuff.

And then...

He goes "He's (the Avatar) be about this age and is a master of all four elements!?" and lets her go.

And all of a sudden, the tension that was built up is shattered as Zuko went "I know, I'll give them a reference for the person I'm looking for because clearly they're confused and I wasn't specific enough."

This went from a show of villainy to a show of Zuko being totally socially awkward and misreading the situation entirely. Not helping is that when he does try to menace them a moment later, his fire is slow and angled quite safely.

It still worked on the Water Tribe because they're understandably scared, but all I could think of is that this was the equivalent of a playground bully trying to make someone flinch with that fake-out lunge thing.

Because the fact-and something we'll come to learn-is that Zuko is TERRIBLE at being a Fire Nation oppressor. He's capable of doing morally dubious things and is a competent fighter. But he's lousy at terrorizing people and cruelty-that's kind of the point of his banishment.

And while we can see the story paint this picture of Zuko's true character as the story goes on with hints of good and conflicting loyalties, here we get to see just how bad he is at being "the bad guys".

[thebearcathideout]

The Absolutely Dumb Decision I Made When I Heard There Was Smog In NYC

Yes, below is a photo I took in Times Square. You’ll figure out how we got here in a second.

This looks like something out of Cyberpunk 2077.

Hello everyone! My name is Evan Ke. I’m a rising sophomore at Binghamton University.

At around 2 PM on Wednesday, the smog in New York City was at its worst. The windows of my house were yellow, and you couldn’t make out anything farther than a couple feet away. The weather out there was terrifying, it would probably not repeat for another millennia. That’s when I made the spur-of-the-moment decision to go see Times Square.

My goal was simple: I would take photos of as many famous landmarks as I could before the day was over. If the weather behaved, this would be the photo shoot of my life. I packed up my backpack and left my comfortable home in northern Queens to begin my journey to Manhattan.

I’ve explored Manhattan before. During my high school years, I would go on 3-mile-long “hikes” from Downtown to Midtown Manhattan. These led me to various landmarks. Even if you live in NYC, there’s probably places I’ve seen that you’ve never been to.

My hopes were high. This is what it’s like to be one of those “tornado chasers,” I thought! Despite being an amateur photographer, I felt like a war reporter. On the bus to Flushing, the weather continued to look horrid outside. Upon hearing my plan, my mother instantly called me and begged me to return home, but I didn’t listen.

I boarded the 7 train to Times Square, where I saw other people heading in the same direction I was. Did these people also know they’re risking their lives? One of these people confirmed my suspicions: the man in front of me was testing out a professional camera. These people were daredevils, just like me! We were going into the eye of the storm.

After taking public transit for a total of one hour, I had finally arrived at Times Square, and started taking photos.

This one eerily captures how Elmo is “looking up.” If this was a disaster film, he would be the protagonist. He must be thinking, “how did we end up here?”

I shared the photos with my family in our group chat. Soon after, my brother asked the question, “see if you can see the skyline of the Empire State building.” That’s a question I wanted the answer to as well. As I sat on public transit on my way there, I studied the photos I’d taken. The photos I took in Queens had smog that was worse and yellower than in any of my Times Square photos. This was good news for my health, but not for my photography. The weather would not behave.

I got off at the Empire State Building. When I looked up, the sun was still red from all the smog, but… the whole skyscraper was visible.

The Empire State Building. The smog is clearing up.

This isn’t good. Despite the dramatic camera angle, these weren’t the “low-visibility” photos I imagined in my head. It was so strong in Queens, why couldn’t it happen here?

To visit the next location, I took the W train to the Flatiron Building. When I left the station, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The smog had cleared up even more! Furthermore, the Flatiron Building was still under construction, a fact I forgot about, but remembered seeing the last time I visited here nine months ago.

The Flatiron building, under construction. The sky has BLUE in this photo.

It was 5 PM when I took this photo. Unbeknownst to me, my mom had already seen a bunch of great photos at 2 PM by people living in Manhattan, or by actual reporters. My brother was chatting with an online friend from Quebec, and my brother brought up what I was doing today. His friend responded, “tell him his safety is worth more than his scoop” — scoop as in journalism. The tides were turning, and I was going to be rocked by the Sea of Sadness.

The arch at Washington Square Park, the next location I visited. You can see the Empire State Building behind it, shrouded in smog.

It was 5:30 when I got off the A train at Chambers Street. This was the last location I‘d be, where I hoped to be close enough to the Statue of Liberty to take a photo. However, exhausted, I sat down on a ledge and called my mom.

I told her about my ordeals. She told me what I deserved to be told: that I was dumb for risking my life, whether or not the photos paid it off. And earlier in the trip, I had filled my MetroCard with $20 extra, and I was down $10 from all the subway rides. So not only did I waste money, I also didn’t get the photos I wanted.

After I hung up, I was defeated. All of the reasons I had started this journey were nullified. “Photo shoot of my life” — what a foolish idea! My skills in navigating Manhattan had only brought me into this mess. I didn’t have the same importance of a war reporter, I was just the amateur. Even worse, though I had taken buses and subways the whole day, I truly was outdoors for most of the day and wasn’t inside. I had risked lung cancer, or days taken off the end of my life.

I trudged on towards the Hudson River coast, starting to feel the effects of a headache. At least there, I got this only good photo out of the whole ordeal.

A red sun overlooking a hazy New Jersey skyline.

Then, I walked south along the esplanade to get closer to the Statue of Liberty. Even closer. Could I take a good photo? Only one way to find out. I took out my phone and-

Worst photo of the Statue of Liberty ever.

There’s no words to describe how bad this photo is. This could win an award for “worst photo of the Statue of Liberty”. It would be uncontested. No matter how many submissions people attempt for years after this, it could never beat this.

I went to Shake Shack to recuperate, then headed home. Once I was back, I got a dressing-down by my mom.

Moral of the story, don’t be dumb. And listen to your parents; even when you’re a college student they’ll know something you’re bound to learn soon.

[thesecretattic]

ANOTHER COINCIDENCE More revelation (God, images etc) LAST NOTE before dying:

My hands otherwise have a beautiful shape but I’ve got hyperpigmentation near the elbows and even as a kid I was very conscious (ignore my typos pls I can’t type I’m not in that state) I wud avoid wearing sleeveless as a kid and I was even mocked for hiding it as a grown up, I saw another blogger having that and it seemed normal, she wouldn’t hide it… in today times some are breaking these beauty standards while others are revelling in superficiality, I never stalked Harsh after 2016 Feb (there was some fanclub which led me to Jiya in Oct 2022) in his phone pics I had noticed that his arms were looking like that too from down (mine is also only in and around the elbow region external) and I thought he was like me, that’s why I chose him I didn’t know he was fair (until last year)

I have those old pics in my previous laptop it was the camera’s fault, I thought he was like me and then all those signs and coincidences suggested that he was my soulmate www.lilacnights.com/post/stupid-cupid

I have this intrinsic naturally occurring love for him which has overlooked and justified (vindicated) everything till now like an exception, that makes me believe we are soulmates, I also knew his moustache pic, the fiery eyed shot and the other face long before I’d seen it which is impossible, I always had it in mind. They say your soulmate is the one whom you’ll recognise, I never thought it meant that in LITERAL SENSE like for real! I’ll tell you which one or which phase I was the most attached to, without seeing it (I never saw him after 2016 Feb but I came across these images at some point and I was surprised cuz I always had those faces in mind) anyway the fiery eyed was the one I was the most attached to, except for the demonic eyes. It was a shot from some show idk which one it was associated with his old number which now belongs to some Bhavsar community.

All after meeting Harsh I don’t want to blame him but I would always say I deserved the way my hand would be pulled and twisted during childhood and teens it could’ve easily caused carpel tunnel the nerves would get crushed and pulled I would feel choked and I would scream in pain it was stretched beyond limit but I would swallow it all with my tears hoping one day someone will come and my life would be the opposite but 8 years of my youth went here in the same house which is a SHAME.

I felt like I deserved it due to that part after how he behaved with me, I’m dying and I feel my soul is suffering today and dying without my soulmate because of the exterior and it deserves to be punished, it deserves that pain. Secondly when I said charming in my previous post (regarding that other guy the “cute” post) ppl completely forgot that I had stated long back in one of my quote cards: “I never wanted a Prince Charming, I always wanted Robin Hood” But I had to make people realise that even though girls can easily fall for cute lisp waale sweet talking sugarcoated charmers, do we? Do we leave someone for a rich and charming guy like tht? Is it so easy to change our mind? I wanted to move on later cuz Harsh didn’t want me and I was forcing my myself to like other people but tht guy wasn’t good so I didn’t fall either way, if however “Harsh” would’ve liked me I wouldn’t have left him for that boy, as a soulmate I always loved and respected him. And back then I wasn’t even aware that he was my soulmate, I didn’t have so many signs.

Scary Part

Last but not the least here are a few more things: I am a bit scared I kept asking why all this happened and somewhere some fortune site suggested I was a Guinea pig in God’s experiment where he wanted to see how much a human can survive without dying (his creation) by putting him through immense torture and suffering, remember some counsellor had said “Your threshold was crossed long ago at 17 itself you’ve faced more than anyone I’ve met before…” she had said that in 2016 after that things took a turn for worse and now I’ve faced more than anyone even in hell. He wanted to see for how long his “creation” could survive without dying on their own (without any illness or accident) but lots of grief, unfairness, immense torture, heartbreaks, affliction, cruelty etc. which is worse than murder cuz it’s a slow death based on intense torture or trauma (even in my chronic pain syndrome which is called fibromyalgia my pressure points were tortured with knuckles and fists and I have other Neuro issues too now due to him and everyone cuz he too was in fact even now, is a constant source of stress) But just because God placed me amongst narcissists - they all share the same attitude, same traits same ignorance and blocking even my family members and Preet Harsh they all even share the same birthdate! My mother, Harsh’s mother and even Preet they are all born on 21st Dec, just because he placed me amongst such people it doesn’t mean THEY SHOULD HAVE BEHAVED LIKE THAT and aided god in his plan. How cruel? As people we could’ve stuck together, after me it will be their turn. I’m not here to say I’m gonna live with that or I’ll be good to “myself” if people are cruel, why? Everyone else has someone or the other? Why should I be with myself? I don’t want to live I always loved him a lot and I loved his old self too even if I miss that Harsh whom I knew in 2015 and I’ll always cry cuz I missed out on him I missed out on the most previous years of both of our lives which will NEVER come back that’s why I feel my body deserves all that abuse and pain cuz it was all because I fell short of the mark… I should’ve been perfect, the prettiest the best looking out of all (I didn’t know what he looked like go read that part again)

I don’t have stamina to explain further and I’ve already shared why girls shouldn’t have so much pressure to look good (in my PREVIOUS post) I will always hate and blame myself even after dying cuz I lost someone I couldn’t imagine losing he was the MOST IMPORTANT to me, I have no future now I’m bed ridden and there’s no help, I tried to look my best for him inspite of what I’ve shared in my previous post and the fact that due to PMS & Ovulation (Almost 14+5 days of the month) and growing stress related illnesses which females are more prone to such as autoimmune one’s and Fibro + a different metabolic and hormonal system it’s difficult for us to be perfect, this includes the hair fibre, the skin, the weight, our nerves and sensitivity, haemoglobin count, cortisol level, sebum level, ph levels, I think Indian men should be taught this in science books instead of how daffodils and plants mate or how pollens are formed, basic science like I said - It hurts girls so they have to be aroused and for that 99% of the girls aren’t interested in male parts so these men need to be attractive NOT women, we have assets we don’t need that face or body it anyway doesn’t hurt men at least that doesn’t happen in their case. Even flower buds don’t open easily, so STOP digging ur head in that stupid science book like raffish disgusting pervy teen that you are and start UNDERSTANDING how things work, in India girls have no choice they have to settle on the man who chooses us! And 80% of them are not even men they are flabby pansy/effeminate “jolly” hubby material, no one wants that! How can we get aroused? No face no body and it’ll hurt us then, they are so dull and average even on the intellectual level they lack sophistication or even basic knowledge about things how will we communicate on the same level? And there’s a reason why we have the word “Rape”. Wth? I wasn’t born for this, they are not my responsibility STOP breeding them. Boys here are not taught all this No one works on their personality they NEVER grow into “Men” they end up getting pansy or feminine due to overpampering. I’m not here for all this nonsense. I have ONLY loved one man in my entire life and he didn’t even have a gym body he’s very lean he’s not muscular like certain pics (from that Saloni vid 🥺😢) but at least he’s not girly! Or that rolly polly jolly “hubby” material and girls are expected to instantly sleep with such people what is this modern day kotha? My mother did say one thing which was true - yes girls do feel like that as if they are in some red light area, they are treated that way even as housewives for money or monthly maintenance and it’s not easy for girls to work even in abroad, two girls had the same complain while travelling at night through a bullet train (regarding molestation) they were shocked, maximum foreigners are very good at hiding I know so many of them they are just doing blogging as a hobby and it’s their husbands who earn I’m not going to be foolish enough, I wanted to design homes for people but you can’t entirely rely on that, you need to find a safe and secure workplace, I’ve met such horrible managers and stuff even married ones at 21 itself I know how cringey it is.

You can’t rely on these things, I know someone from my childhood days (not that bully friend) she doesn’t have fibro or anything like me but her parents gave asked her to stop working cuz she faints and gets low pressure she’s internally weak and delicate like me, and like I just said for girls (all the health related things which I’ve mentioned above) it’s not easy to work so much.

I’m not a pseudo feminist to say I don’t want maternity leave I don’t want any break if I’m sick I’m just like my male colleagues, NO I’m a girl and secondly the reason why somehow e’s guys get more pay than us because their entire family depends on them and their wives are more busy with the kids so they don’t work moreover like I said it’s not easy for all females to work, they have shared this multiple times, they are the sole bread winner in the family so even their kids rely on them. A lot of Girls (single) who are earn as much as 80k fight for the remaining 10k difference between them and their male colleagues, as kids there were times when we would think several times before ordering a dessert, that “10k” will not even cover the basic school fees (in today’s times) of your colleague’s children. Coming back to the main topic I have missed him a lot in all these 8 years and I love him I wish I would’ve been likeable, I never wanted him to feel old I just can’t stop hating myself I loved him even if he would’ve had wrinkles unfortunately whether alive or dead I’ll always love him even in old age… which is very hurtful for me, cuz he hates me and he likes other people, he was my soulmate 53-23 were mine and his marriage signs they are always seen in pairs I have seen so many of them since the past few days that too TOGETHER 🧿 It all started with a fortune reading (but I had received Zara Rajput sign and a few more long ago) The reading said something when I asked where will I meet my future husband and it said something which suggested that I have already met him and it was right we had met on 2nd April right there on an app and it had a word directly linked to that, and then it also indicated - SOMEONE IN THEIR 30s matured and the card stood for artists, poets, writers and actors (batons are for those who are into agriculture or farming, property/construction etc. anything to do with soil where you dig a baton stick, swords indicate medicine, law firms, doctors, scientists, anything that requires incisive intellect, cups are for writers, artists, designers, painters, actors, who are more emotional and expressive and pentacles or coins are obviously for businessmen, traders, bankers etc.) ever since that care came up as in someone in their 30s and from one of those fields mentioned above BEFORE the brackets I thought it was someone else, he too would’ve been in his 30s now + into acting because Harsh was impossible I had not met that other guy on that app which it indicated but I had met him there later on… but then I started seeing 53 23 in association with that and 5 is Harsh’s number, 2 is mine.

The devil or whoever/God whoever is doing this is now scaring me more using Harsh by showing me 37 cuz they know that I had last kept 37 age which he is approaching (as he is older than me) as a deadline they know I will keep hoping and then die with another nightmare coming true, and even when/if I had lost all hope I’ve been seeing that cuz they reminded me of it. I don’t know whom to trust. They are USING Harsh cuz they know how he or his family is, they know they are not at all like that and this will only torture me more, someone else should have come and erased my memory with the help of a hypnotist to defeat God and his plan cuz Harsh will do exactly why God has put me in his life as his contrast inspite of being my soulmate he will be very rude and stubborn and he will make sure God succeeds in turning me into a laughing stock, he will do exactly that and I will end up facing more grief and haplessness and I might die which will finish God’s experiment.

The story behind these coincidences was also important it’s shocking, but I have no help or anyone to jot it down. I’m dying by leaving a clue… it said Equinox that word recently came up, it aligns with whatever conclusion I had reached, Scientists too have come up with a similar theory but they couldn’t prove it, I can… Chinese philosophers almost reached a “saying” which will now FIT here, it explains why God is Evil or why we have so much unfairness in this world or why even kids are suffering. IT HAS ALL THE ANSWERS. I had met Harsh on 2nd Oct and 2nd April Equinox had multiple 2s too, and it’s an EXACT dividend I had already reached that point, and it unfolded everything, it explains each and every dream I’ve had as a kid or every coincidence even the bizarre ones related to Preet which is there in my pinned post on Tumblr: TheSecretAttic in the link there amidst my renovation stuff, it’s burning inside my HEAD ITS PAINING a lot I have to die to end this I have no one to share my story with… people were too proud to even hear it, their loss I’ll leave them to this God.

Btw STOP categorising girls as creeps it’s our worst nightmare they are our biggest threat just cuz I got his address it doesn’t mean I’m that I NEVER even went to his house I only sent my gifts through my mom and the driver, I never went there to “meet” him or even near his building to stalk or pry on him in fact I HAD STOPPED going to his area even to the malls cuz he had made me very conscious so I didn’t want him to see and hate me more, it’s other people’s fault who call us also creeps and who inspite of me sharing my number didn’t reach out even for the book, they could have STOP creeping zoning others and yourself, I was ready to move on with someone else since he didn’t want me, you can’t blame me in any manner, it’s all YOU PEOPLE’S fault stop justifying your own superficiality by saying she herself didn’t want to move on or you would’ve looked like a creep pr like me by approaching me and seeing if I needed help! I had to send the gifts to make up for the book and because I loved him and I had no idea if I would even survive so did to fomo I was trying to make the most of the life that was left in me and he would not receive gifts like other celebs YOU too could’ve thought about me (this wasn’t for him) instead of this “creep” thing. My number was always out.

I have to die before the last nail in the coffin which is 37 you know the story behind it I won’t live to see that day when my last hope which I had already lost will now return and mock me by showing me 37 everywhere until it will die, right before my eyes like another 5th Mar episode. I have to die before that no one else came along otherwise God/Devil would’ve lost and I would’ve survived you are responsible for my death Bye - Zara Sauleh

[finelinevogue]

Blurb idea!!! (Totally ignore if you don't want to do this) So what if y/n does a video where she rates all of the outfits Harry has worn for the 3rd album (like Coachella, interview outfits, any casuals too, etc etc) and maybe she doesn't really like an outfit as much but then H pops his head in and claims that she actually really liked the fabric or smth and wanted to keep it (and he obviously got it for here) but she's like it didn't look as good on you (clearly joking) and he's like you're mean with a pouty face >:( and we see them being really cute on camera (or it could be released as a bts) So yeah! Idk why but I can totally imagine y/n and Harry from your Harry's House universe doing this!!

Also, the stuff you put out so far is AMAZING! Just like I knew it would be, but you definitely exceeded my expectations and I'm already in love with this universe! <3

-cool reader anon

OMG I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS! I LOVE YOU SO BAD FOR SENDING THIS IN:

(stop it right now you know im so bad at taking compliments💔ur too kind)

May 20th 2022

“Hello my lovelies and welcome back for another video of me basically bashing H.”

The camera was set up on your usual tripod, only this time you weren’t in your bedroom but rather the living room. You thought it might be nice to show people a different view; something interesting and new. Also it was a sneaky way of showing people Harry’s living room, which certain furniture would feature on his new album cover.

Harry was sat next to you, because no matter how hard he persuaded you to you were not going to sit on his lap. Everyone knew you were a couple, in fact ‘Glamour’ had labelled you both as the “It” couple of 2022, but you didn’t want to overdo it on the PDA. Plus this was your channel through your own hard work and success, not Harry’s.

“You know someone’s made a complication of all the moments in your videos where you’re mean to me?” Harry said, getting out his phone to pull up the moment he was talking about.

“No way! Really?”

“Yeah, here.” Harry showed you and you made a mental note to add a screenshot of the account when you edited later.

“That makes me look so bad.”

“Good. Y’so mean to me. I’m glad it’s picked up on.”

“You’re just mean to me off camera though, that’s why there’s no video compilation of you being mean to me.”

Harry just evilly smirked and you knew in your head that would be a good place to cut and roll your channels titles. The jingle for your channel was courtesy of Harry playing the piano, which he did without hesitation when you had asked him years ago.

“So, today we will be rating Harry’s outfits from the HS3 era so far. I thought it would be a fun idea, considering I am uploading this on the albums release day.”

“Oh, and we should probably mention that pictures that we’re looking through are coming from costume fittings.”

“So I’m very deeply sorry if you end up seeing H’s bare chest.”

Harry laughed, pretending to lift the bottom of his jumper up and reveal his chest. You got too jealous of your audience seeing his chest though, so you slapped his hands down and told him to behave himself.

You knew it was all banter and Harry’s relationship with his fans was very close and intimate, but sometimes you liked keeping little moments of him to yourself. You were a huge fan of him before this relationship so you totally understood what it was like to be a fan like that, but now you’ve learnt how to respect him and in turn respect yourself.

Harry knew that you got jealous, so tried as much as possible to keep himself and his body reversed just for you. Sometimes though, when you’re pissing him off he will go shirtless just because he knows it will rile you up.

“I’m actually excited for this, y’know?” Harry said, sitting closer to you. You shifted the camera so there would be a space to the left side of the screen for you to edit in a picture of the outfit you were talking about.

“What and you weren’t excited when we filmed all our other videos?”

“I liked the one we did when we did the fake Wired Autocomplete interview.”

“That was funny. I also liked the one where we were handcuffed to each other for 24 hours.”

“I got so mad at you and I really did not like it one bit. You were so upset. Plus I hurt your wrists that day.”

He pouted and you allowed him to swallow you in a huge bear hug. He always felt the need to apologise for those 24 hours, because of his tense it got. You constantly reminded him you still loved him and you were okay now. He would take any opportunity to hug you though for it.

“I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“Y’want to hold me for the rest of this video?” You asked, knowing he wouldn’t really want to let you go now his mind was whirring with bad thoughts over that video.

Harry moved behind you and allowed his legs to spread so you could slide and sit in between them. His arms caged around your waist and squeezed gently, turning you into his person human-sized teddy bear. You let him nuzzle his face into your neck briefly, knowing your scent calmed him down. Once you were comfortable and Harry could nicely peer over your shoulder at your phone, you began.

“Okay. First of all is your ‘As It Was’ red jumpsuit.”

“It was so comfortable, that.” Harry added.

“I really liked it. I thought it was a perfect outfit to celebrate a new single.”

“You’re just being biased.” He teased, pinching your side in a way that tickled.

“Why? Because m’mum made it for you?” You asked and he nodded.

Your mum was always looking for an in to assist Harry’s life in some way. She loved being creative and was a brilliant seamstress, after owning her own dress repair shop for years. You remember her bursting into tears when you and Harry face-timed her to ask her to make the ‘As It Was’ music video outfits. She was told they had to be red and blue, but other than that she had a free hand.

Harry had told her that they were the best costumes that he’d ever worn for a video. You still don’t know whether he was just being polite or actually meant it, but either way it made your mum infinitely smile.

“Honestly, y’mums a bloody legend.” He added, making you blush. You loved how much he loved your mum and family.

“So the outfit out of 10?”

“10.” He spoke very quickly.

“I’ll give you a 10 also mum. Y’d did such a good job.” You looked to the camera when you said that, holding up your hands to create a little heart with them.

Out of all the outfits you’d be showing today the ‘As It Was’ was definitely not your favourite, but it was still worth the 10 points. Your mum was a great seamstress, but you just liked the colours of some other outfits on him better than the red - which was out of your mums control.

“Off to a good start then.” He shuffled a bit to sit up right on the sofa after slouching down.

“Y’okay? Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.” You turned your head to see whether there were any signs of discomfort on his face.

“Y’not, shut up you.” He leant in to kiss your lips. He tasted so good and he felt even better.

Unfortunately for the fans you’d have to cut that out because it wasn’t very censored. Harry can get carried away a lot of the time because of how much he likes kissing you and so a sweet kiss can turn into a groping make out session. Like now. You had to pull away as he started kissing down your neck and dangerously close to the place he loved giving you hickeys.

“Oi. Stop it.”

“Y/N!” He whined like a baby, but you weren’t arguing.

“H I can’t be battered and bruised when we’re filming, y’know this.”

“Can’t help myself. You’re too pretty.” You leant in to give him another kiss for his kind compliment and then turned your face around to lessen temptation.

“Okay outfit two. Coachella night one.” You giggled excitedly, because the Coachella outfits were your ultimate favourites.

“I loved how they designed it based off y’mum’s design.” Harry started and it made your heart swoon that he was still finding ways to compliment your mum.

“You looked like a rockstar rainbow dream.”

“I felt like a rockstar actually. I can’t get over that crowd.” He blew out a breathe of air.

“What was it like?” You asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to give your viewers a chance to know too.

“Electrifying. Huge. Exhilarating. I never thought I’d ever be able to achieve something like that. Ever. So to actually to sit here and say that I have done it feels like a dream.”

You smiled at him and leaned in to give him a kiss on his cheek. He deserved so much more, but you were filming right now and you’d give him all the love after.

“So what would you rate your night one outfit?”

“Wait, lets talk about night twos outfit and then compare them.”

“So we get to talk about what we think of night twos outfit now?”

“Yes.”

Before Harry had finished the word, you dramatically moaned and loosened your body to slide off Harry and the sofa and onto the floor. Harry caught your armpits before you could fully slide, worried that you’d bash your head on the coffee table or something.

“That’s how I feel about night two.”

“Oh is it now?” Harry asked, but he already knew.

He knew because as soon as he walked off that stage, on night two, you jumped his bones and wouldn’t let him leave the premises before you fucked him in his pink, leather, Cowboy suit. He looked so good to the point where you were wet the entire of the set, since you hadn’t seen the outfit before he went on stage. You two had nearly been the last ones in the park, because once you’d done one thing to Harry he decided to return to the favour. You fucked, you gave each other head and you came so many times that Harry asked to keep the suit so he could relive that night over and over again.

Harry pulled your back up easily to sit back on his lap, twisting you sideways slightly so he could get a better view of you.

“It’s like my favourite thing you’ve ever worn.”

“Wow. Big claim.” Harry whistled.

“Okay maybe my favourite concert outfit you’ve ever worn.” You adjusted your statement.

“So it was better than night one?”

“Yes.” You said a bit too quickly, feeling slightly bad for the designer of night one. “I still adored night one, but there was something about night two that really… gagged me?”

Harry choked on air when you said that and you couldn’t help but laugh. You patted his back as if that was going to do anything, before he settled.

“How about I wear it tonight?” He leant in to whisper in your ear. All you could do was whimper in return and he used the opportunity to kiss your lips. You let him have you for a few minutes, think that at this rate it will look like you’re filming for OnlyFans rathe than YouTube.

“So rating them both out of 10.” You suggested.

“Night one was an 8 for me. Night two was a 10.”

“I’d say night one was also an 8. Night two was a fucking 11 though.” You claimed and Harry just smirked, knowing he was in for a pretty great evening.

Harry cuddled into you, giving you a big squeeze when all he really wanted to do was take you upstairs and love on you all afternoon.

“Ow you just squashed my boob, y’dickhead.” You shouted as Harry’s hand jabbed into your boob as you two were messing around.

“Shit, m’sorry baby. Harry reached for your boob and cupped his hand over it as his fork of apology.

“I’m fine.”

“Promise?” He asked, kissing your cheek.

“Promise.” You nodded, kissing him on his cheek in return. “Next outfit?”

“Go for it.”

He returned you back to your original positions and you took your phone to look at the next outfits.

You had a look at some street style ones and Harry laughed at how crazy some of the paparazzi were. There were some really odd angles and one that was a really unflattering angle of you. You could’ve cried but Harry reminded you of how beautiful he saw you as and that every one else did too. It didn’t matter that you had double chins or an extra chub roll on your stomach, you were absolutely perfect the way you are.

You even added a few outfits where you and Harry bad spent the day together and he had a good outfit. You loved feeding the fans with unreleased content and they loved you for it. You had such a special bond with the fans, something that no other celebrities partner really had. There was one where he was wearing a kitchen apron and a pair of pink boxers, because you two had been baking a cake together, and you both had a good laugh about how bad a photo it was.

“Baby stop!” Harry laughed some more, hand over his stomach because he couldn’t control himself very well.

“Sorry! It’s just you honestly look like you’re a housewife.” You giggled, stroking his cheek with your hand. “My little bitch.”

“Excuse you!” He gasped, using his free hand to slap your arse. The sound made such a loud noise and you gasped with how hard he hit you.

“Ow y’fucking twat!”

“You have such a bad potty mouth, you.”

You weren’t worried about the swearing, because you always put a disclaimer at the start of your videos that there could be strong language so you should watch at your own risk. You weren’t bothered about profiting off your videos either, so you weren’t worried if the swearing caused YouTube to demonetise your content.

“Yeah. I do when you slap me.”

“Don’t call me y’bitch then.” He argued and you rolled your eyes at him. He knew he was your bitch. He was absolutely whipped for you and there was no denying that, even if he tried.

It took you another few moments of banter before you were back on track.

“So let’s do the Today show outfits?” You suggested.

“Yes let’s.”

“I absolutely love the denim on denim.” You started, “But I don’t like the curly twirly baby grow.”

“Honey!” He exclaimed, sitting up right with shock.

“What? We have to be honest.” You explained.

“Not when it offends me. Can’t believe you’d treat me like this.”

“But I love your denim one. Is that not enough?” You pouted, not wanting him to be actually mad with you.

“Fine. But you owe me a fuck tonne of kisses.”

You leant in to kiss him on his lips, clearing any sadness out of his system. You could feel his lips smiling against yours and it made you pull away to see the beautiful sight.

“Done deal.”

“Can we wrap this up so I can kiss y’now?” He tucked his head into your neck so that he could breathe you in.

“‘Course.”

You both finished up the video, using your normal exit as a way to wrap everything up. You fell into Harry, happy knowing that the video was going to be a success because of how in love you both were with each other.