#when do they use what mark learned and colonize mars?

[murasaki-sama]

I have two comfort reads.

One of them is The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

the second is The Martian by Andy Weir.

right now I am reading the martian and oooh man. love this book.

[vanfleeter]

Bound For Earth: Chapter 1

Summary: After being born and living on Mars for twenty-seven years, Jake longs to be normal and live on Earth; but adapting to a different atmosphere, there poses risks to being on Earth. Jake sneaks on board the next cruiser heading to Earth to try to live out what he's always dreamed of doing, when he meets a young woman who helps him live out his dreams and uncover a family secret. (A twist on The Space Between Us)

Characters: Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka

Warnings: 18+ || Language. Mentions of sex. Angst. (Warnings will be detailed as story unfolds)

A/N: Posting the first chapter to gauge some interest and if this will continue. Though this chapter is kind of small to start with, I do welcome feedback.

From the minute we were discovered, we were never normal humans. Our mother, Eliza Marks, was selected as the few astronauts to travel out into space to colonize and create a livable environment on Mars. She was smart for only being twenty three at that time. Explore Tech selected her at only eighteen to train at one of NASA’s facilities in Texas.

That’s where she met our father, Paul.

Dad.

We’ve never gotten to meet him in person. Not sure if we ever will.

When our mother was selected to pioneer this mission to Mars, no one had a clue that she was pregnant and neither did she until the team was two months into the mission, still traveling through space to get to the red planet. The pregnancy was a controversial topic when the information was leaked to the public. Board members back at the facility demanded that she come back to Earth but they all knew it would be dangerous, more dangerous than giving birth on a foreign planet under different conditions. Her pregnancy was labeled high risk. They monitored her every day as her pregnancy progressed.

And when the time came, she gave birth to my twin, whom they thought was the only one–until I came out next. They weren’t expecting twins. They ever saw one baby on the scans. Guess I’m just that good at hiding. Our mother survived the pregnancy and the birth but we were kept separate from her for the first couple months as they now monitored us.

My brother and I made history, so I guess that’s an achievement at only a few seconds old. We are the first human beings born on a different planet.

As we grew older, we learned fairly quickly that Mars was definitely different from Earth and therefore, we have a very low chance of ever surviving there. Gravity on Mars is lesser than the gravity on Earth. We were born in a lighter atmosphere. We may be human, having been created by two Earth born humans, but our bodies are different. Our bones grew differently due to the atmospheric pressure within the space station built on Mars and our organs are just the same. They fear that if we were ever to travel to Earth, that our bodies wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure. Our hearts are the risk factors, grown larger than the average human being.

So for twenty-seven years, we were raised on the Mars station, never having met our father who is still living on Earth. He has tried to join a mission to come to Mars and be with us, but he’s failed his tests each and every time so he’s had to stay behind. Or so that’s what we’ve been told. But that doesn’t stop him from communicating with us. He’s watched us grow up over video calls, so he hasn’t really missed a thing.

Our mother travels back and forth once a year. Except for one time when we were three years old, she hadn’t come back until we were six. For those three years, we communicated with her only the same way we had with our father. We never knew why she hadn’t come back in those years, and we still don’t.

I’ve had this nagging feeling inside of me that they have to be hiding something. Why would she not come back for three years? What happened on Earth that prevented her from coming back? That feeling started when we turned thirteen and grew curiouser about Earth and the family we never got to meet, but eventually we grew out of it by seventeen when we began to realize that no matter how many questions we ask, we won’t ever get the answers.

Over our lifetime spent on Mars, we still grew up as normal as possible. Of course we were “homeschooled” but aside from textbooks and online classes, we were taught hands-on lessons in technology, science, and agriculture. Within the station, the engineers built a garden, testing how plants could potentially grow using the soil on Mars. Though this soil is less likely to sustain plant growth, they are still determined to figure out a way for it to work.

Josh’s domain is all of agriculture. He loves to watch plants grow and produce new life. While my domain is electronics and technology.

I’ve illegally downloaded movies and music. I mean, what could they possibly do to someone on a different planet? I love music and I love watching videos of other people playing the guitar. No matter how many times I have asked, the Earth facility won’t send me one. They don't do much anyways. We live off of videos and soundwaves. So I live vicariously through people on Earth.

If I ever get the chance to go to Earth, the first thing I’m going to do is find a guitar. My fingers long to pluck the strings. Sometimes at night while I lay in bed, I’ll listen to guitar instrumentals and memorize how each note should sound. Josh thinks I’m weird whenever he catches me air playing notes with my fingers while I aimlessly work on coding classified documents.

Funny..

I’m granted access to knowing classified government documents, yet I’m still not allowed to know why our mother was gone for those three years.

“I thought you gave that up?” Josh asked me one day. “What kind of secret do you honestly think they’d be keeping from us?”

“I don’t know.. It’s just..odd.”

“Maybe she was sick..”

“For three years? Come on Josh..”

Looking out of my window as I do nearly every night, I stare out at the same old horizon of Mars, longing to just get off this planet. I spent my entire life here and I want to go somewhere new. I want to go to Earth. For no specific reason other than to experience Earth in person and not through a screen or a hologram.

Off in the distance is a bright light, burning against the darkness of space. It grows closer and closer and suddenly a voice comes over the intercom announcing the arrival of the shuttle making its descent to the station.

Mom.

Climbing down from the window, I leave my cabin and make my way through the cabins to loading docks. Josh catches up to me and we stop once we meet up with the group already awaiting the arrival of the onboarders. Being two of the shorter people at this station, we have to stand somewhat on our tiptoes to see over the heads of the other colleagues.

“Do you see her?” Josh asks as he struggles to see over the sea of heads.

“No, not yet. There’s so many of them this time.” I say. “Maybe she’s in the back of the group.”

As the group dissipates to start mingling with the current members, I finally spot Mom and a smile breaks out on my face. “Mom!” I shout out over the ongoing conversations. When she catches my eyes, she matches my smile and weaves through the small crowd until she’s standing in front of the two of us.

“My boys!” She exclaims. “Gosh I’ve missed you!” She envelopes us in a hug and kisses both of our foreheads. “Come, come. It’s nearly dinner time and I am starving.”

–

“Give me any and all updates from this past year,” Mom says as we sit down at the table with our trays of food. “Anything interesting happen while I was gone?”

“Josh took the ATV out again and flipped it.”

Josh swings his legs beneath the table, kicking my shin with the toe of his boot. “Shut up..”

Mom sighs, shaking her head. “Joshua, I thought we said you couldn’t drive that thing anymore?”

Josh huffs, rolling his eyes before shooting me a glare. “Mom, it was an accident.”

“Just like the last three times?” She inquires. “No more driving the ATV.”

“And you, Jacob? What were you up to while I was gone?” She now asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. “Same old, same old.” I say as I stab my fork into a green bean. “Coding, research, looking at stupid classified files.”

Mom lays her hand over top of mine and gives me a sympathetic smile. “I think it’s time you try something new.”

“Like what?” I say. “There isn’t anything for me to do. Josh is all over agriculture, and I have no green thumb.”

“That I can attest to,” Josh says as he chumps on a green bean. “I gave him a seed to grow. He got a bud and then it died after two weeks.”

I kicked him once more beneath the table and dropped my fork back down on the tray. “I’m not hungry..” I mutter as I stand from my spot at the table. Against my mother’s protests, I grab my tray and walk over to the trash bin along the wall and dump it in before leaving the common area and heading back to my cabin.

So what if I don’t have a green thumb? Does everyone have to have one?

I had only been lying on my bed for a little while before I heard a knock at the door. Sighing, I call out for the door open and glides effortlessly apart revealing my mother. A concerned look graces her face and I huff a breath before turning over.

“Jake, honey, what’s bothering you?” She asks as she sits at the edge of my bed.

“Nothing..”

“Jacob..” I feel her hand rest on my shoulder before she’s gently pushing down to me back over. “You may be a grown man, but you are still my baby boy..” She says. “I know when something’s bothering you, so talk to me. What is it?”

“It’s stupid,” I say. “Because I know as soon as I mention it, you’ll say ‘no’ like you have been my entire life.”

Her eyes close as she sighs. Here we go. “Jake, you know how dangerous it can be if you go down to Earth. Honey, your body won’t be able to handle it.”

“Don’t you realize how much it sucks to live up here?” I say as I sit up. “We have no real connections to other humans besides the same old colleagues of yours for the last twenty years. There’s never been any other kids up here our whole lives.”

“I know..”

“Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had you been back on Earth instead when you had us.. We have family, Mom. Family that we’ve never met because we’re stuck up here. I want to be normal, I want to see something different other than the red barrenness of this damn planet.”

“If there was a way that we could help the two of you survive on Earth, we would do it–I would do it in a heartbeat. I want nothing more than to have my family together but there’s nothing I can do. If you go down there, you will die. Maybe not right away but after a while you will. The conditions will be much too great for your heart.”

“My heart is fine, Mom..”

“Maybe up here it is because your body grew in a way it needed to to adapt to the environment on this planet, but on Earth? Jake, the atmospheric pressure would be too hard on you. We can’t risk that.”

I huff and roll off the bed to stand to my feet. “I’m twenty-seven, almost twenty-eight, and I haven't even had sex yet.”

“I feel that would be a conversation with your father.”

“Oh Mom.. Don’t you get it? I want to be someone. I want to be a normal human with a normal life. I want to meet a beautiful woman a-and experience love, Mom. I want what you and Dad have. I want what’s in the movies. How can I experience that when I’m stuck on this planet with a bunch of old geezers?”

“Hey now, not all of us are old.”

“You know what I mean..” I lean against the wall and stare out the window from across the room. “I want to feel the sun on my skin. I want to swim in the ocean. I want to learn how to play the guitar. I want to fall in love, I want to have sex like a normal human being. I want those things but that can't happen when I’m here.”

“Jake, eventually we’ll be sending more people up here to grow the community. Maybe there’ll be a beautiful woman for you to fall in love with.”

“When will that ever happen though?” I scoff, shaking my head. “We’ve been told that over and over again for the last decade. ‘Oh we’re sending more people’, ‘Soon we’ll have a whole colony on Mars’. How soon is ‘soon’?”

“It’s getting closer, trust me.” Mom gets off the bed and walks over to me, gently placing her hand on my cheek. “I promise, everything will work out and you will get to experience love. I want that for my boys. You deserve it. But for now, just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing wonderful things.” She gives me a kiss on my cheek before opening the cabin door and leaving.

______________________________________________________________

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[star-anise]

You just posted like ten different things about potatoes in the span of maybe five minutes, and I gotta know your take on "The Martian".

Like, the (fictional) man alone on a planet literally only survives because of potatoes shrink-wrapped in plastic for a Thanksgiving meal. If they weren't slated to be on Mars for Thanksgiving, he would have died.

And Andy Weir (author of the original novel) did such a good job with the science of every other element to the story, I honest-to-god believe that potatoes could actually manage to grow in Martian soil (even if that's not been proven for certain afaik).

Which means..... could potatoes terraform Mars into sustaining life??? Are potatoes the key to the universe???

Haha sorry for going so hard on them! Those were mostly all posts from 2020 when gardening and fantasy worldbuilding were lockdown fixations for me. One of them blew up recently so I wanted to give The People more of the content it seemed they were looking for. I don't actually know a lot about potatoes. I just think they're neat.

I do not want to take apart the concept of "colonizing Mars" as some kind of woke gotcha. I want to take your question seriously and charitably. However, I just am the kind of person who's like "Hmm, 'colonize', we should really stop and unpack that word," so let's do that, without forgetting the potato element.

(What "I don't know a lot" means: Potatoes were a crop my family grew several acres of for a few years on our farm before we switched our focus to sheep. I am about 50% as reliable as a horticultural brochure on various potato diseases and growing condition issues. I have listened to two University lectures and read perhaps four historical journal articles beginning-to-end on how the Columbian Exchange affected early-modern Europe, that and half as much again on medieval and early modern European farming practices and population changes, and perhaps three science/history articles specifically on the domestication and proliferation of the potato. I am a white Canadian who actively seeks out information and training in Indigenous history and culture in the Americas, but that's probably still only equal to like, two Native Studies classes in university. I know more than the average person on this topic, but I am also not an expert compared to people who have devoted serious time to learning about this.)

But I have some intuitions in a couple of ways:

The Martian is probably being wildly over-optimistic about its potatoes. They would probably have been irradiated into sterility before being vacuum-packed, and I don't think you can split and propagate them that quickly or successfully. However, potatoes can definitely grow in all kinds of conditions (including under my sink).

They might not be the world's healthiest or happiest potatoes, tho. Soil quality definitely affects the end product. Presumably Watney, being a botanist studying Mars' soil composition, knew how much he had to ameliorate his soil with latrine compost (which would definitely have needed a LOT of processing, since human waste is generally not good for plants, but maybe he used chemicals to speed that up?) to get good soil. However, we would probably need to add a LOT of shit to Mars' soil (and air, and water) for it to host plant life.

Mark Watney makes a joke about having "colonized Mars" because "colony" is Latin for "farm" and he farmed on Mars so haha, funny joke! And we talk about colonies on Mars partly because that's what science fiction did, and a lot of science fiction has been into that colonialism aesthetic. But colonialism and empires actually aren't great, not just because they necessitate huge amounts of racism, oppression, and genocide—I know, you asked me a fun question about potatoes and did not sign up for this, I'm not here to drag you, hear me out—but because they're also really sucky models for agriculture and successful societies generally.

My British ancestors tried to be colonial farmers in a place that is sometimes colder than Mars (Canada's Treaty Six), and let me tell you: IT SUCKED. Most of the crops and herbs and vegetables and flowers that settlers here brought from home and are used to? DON'T FUCKEM GROW. For the Canadian prairies to become conventional farmland, farmers and scientists had to scramble to find, or produce, cold-hardy varieties of everything from wheat to roses. A lot of flowers and plants that are unkillable invasive zombie perennials in other climates don't survive our winters no matter hard we try. The trees and flowers that hold cultural or sentimental attachments for us often don't grow here. The climate is so harsh and population is spread so thin that we cannot do the 100 mile diet and eat foods we're familiar with, and can hardly even manage the 1000 mile diet. (Not that I try, but, my family did once look into it)

A huge number of colonial homesteads, where the pioneers go out on their little covered wagon and build little houses on the prairie? Failed miserably and got bought up by land speculators. My own family came out to Alberta in the 1880s and moved around from land assignment to land assignment, like, six times before settling at their current place in the early 1900s.

Meanwhile: POTATOES

Potatoes are less than ten thousand years old! I am not any kind of expert on archaeology, please nobody throw things, but humans showed up in the Andes (think: high, cold mountains) of South America roughly 9,000 years ago. There are hundreds of wild potato varieties, but they generally produce fairly tiny tubers. It took active work of Indigenous Andean people around 8,000 years ago around Lake Titicaca to cultivate specific strains of potato, doing oldschool genetic modification to make them bigger, more delicious, and hardier. From that cultivation effort around a single species of wild potatoes, they produced thousands of cultivated potato varieties.

Ancient Andean farmers and botanists also played a big part in cultivating quinoa from wild amaranth, as well as producing modern food crops you probably haven't heard of, like oca, olluco, mashua, and yacon, and also coca, which may get a bad rap because it's what cocaine and coca-cola are made from but you cannot deny it's got kick.

Basically, Indigenous people of the Americas (South, Central, and North) went all in on botany and plant cultivation. Plants that we take for granted now have mostly been developed by Indigenous people in the past few thousand years: Tobacco, sunflowers, marigolds, tomatoes, pumpkins, rubber, vanilla, cocoa, sweetcorn, maize, and most kinds of pepper except peppercorn. These things were not found; they were made, by careful cultivation of the world as it was.

This gives us a vision of the future. Colonization, and industrial agriculture, both lean us towards the vision of a totally uniform end product, with the same potato varieties grown on each farm because we have made every farm the same. Instead we could embrace biodiversity and focus on privileging local knowledge and considering the interactions of environment, plants, microbiota, and people. We could create potatoes that were happy on Mars. We could create Mars that is happy to have us. We could create a society that can accept what Mars has to offer.

A lot of why we dream about colonizing Mars is the idea that the Earth itself is dying, that we are killing it, and we need to abandon this farmstead and seek out a new frontier. I acknowledge that shit is bad, but I don't agree with that framing. I am increasingly persuaded that there is a third path between ecological destruction and mass exodus, and I think we need to reject European colonial mentality that creates the forced choice. I find far more use in privileging the knowledge of people who live on and with land than their landlords and rulers, and I especially find value in Indigenous knowledge of land management practices and food production.

I am absolutely not saying that Indigenous people were or are wonderful magical ~spiritual beings~ who frolicked in an Edenic paradise that only knew death and disease once white people showed up. This isn't noble savage bullshit, nor am I invoking people who existed once but whom I have never met. I am saying that I have Indigenous neighbours, colleagues, relatives, and elected representatives. I have learned about mental health, leatherworking, botany, and ecology from Metis and First Nations elders and knowledge-keepers. And like. They have good and useful shit to say.

This is about culture, not race. It is not that their biological DNA means that they know more than me about how to get food from this landscape. It's about cultural history and what we learn from our heritages. What have our cultures privileged? Like, Europe has historically been super into things like metallurgy, domesticating livestock, and creating dairy products. If I want to smelt iron or choose animals to make cheese from, European society would have a lot of useful information for me! And what Indigenous cultures in the Americas have historically focused on instead of cows and copper* include 1) getting REAL familiar with your local flora and figuring out how to make sure you have lots of the herbs and grains and roots and berries you need, and 2) how to make a human society where people can live and have good lives, but do not damage the environment enough to impair the ability of future generations to have the same sort of life.

*Several indigenous American cultures did practice various forms of metallurgy. It's just one of those proportional things, about what societies really go for

Conclusion

I think we could use the processes that formed the potato to find and foster forms of life that could survive on Mars. It would involve learning to think that botany is a sexy science, and understanding just how rich and complicated the environment is. To oxygenate the atmosphere, we'd have to get super enthusiastic about algae and lichen and wetlands. We would have to learn to care deeply about the microorganisms living in the soil, and whether the potatoes are happy.

We'd have to create an economy that counts oxygen and carbon dioxide production on its balance sheets. To learn how to wait for forests to grow back after a fire, instead of giving up in despair because the seedlings aren't trees yet. To do the work now and be hopeful even though we might not see the payoffs for decades, or our victories might only be witnessed by future generations.

So yes, I think we could totally plant potatoes on Mars

But I also think that if we ever got there, we'd have turned into the kind of people who could also save Earth in the first place.

Which makes it a good enough goal in my opinion.

[moonstruckwytch]

Muggles Are Extraordinary

i was inspired by @softlystarstruck and her 8th year ficlet response to the prompt cowboy. it included a bunch of my favorite things, ridiculous, curious draco malfoy, awkward, dorky, harry potter, the sheer joy of learning, and sharing, random information. it was a challenge to write something this contained for me (it’s only 1k !!) - most of my writing tends to sprawl until i’ve got a ton of lead up into the middle and no end in sight. i hope i did the concept justice. (you can also read bee’s fic here)

“Muggles,” Draco says one day in the 8th year common room “are extraordinary.”

He states this plainly, as though it’s a fact, which it is. Nevertheless, the entire room seems to exhale, letting go of a breath most of the occupants didn’t even know they were holding.

Harry ambles over to where Draco is seated with Pansy and Blaise, curious if there’s more to the statement, anticipating that there is.

He’s right of course.

“Really they are,” Draco is saying “Did you know they’ve been to the Moon?”

“They have not.” Pansy says, looking scandalized.

“Oh but they have Pansy, dearest” Draco waves a book in their face. “I read ahead in our muggle studies book. They went to the Moon, and an American named Michael Collins even orbited the far side. He’s the only man who’s been that far from the rest of humanity.”

“How for the love of Merlin did they do that without magic?” Pansy’s nose is scrunched up like they’re thinking particularly hard.

“Rockets.” Harry supplies from where he’s standing behind Draco, who starts at the sound of his voice.

“You’re going to need to be more specific.” Pansy says, frowning “On second thought, leave it at that. I don’t know what a rocket is, and I don’t think I want to.”

They make a grabby motion towards Blaise, who stands and takes their arm without hesitation. The two of them head out of the common room to do who knows what, who knows where. Harry’s not particularly fussed about it.

He walks around the couch Draco is seated on, and settles next to him. “Space travel this week, hm?” he asks.

Draco’s shoulders had slumped when pansy and blaise had left, clearly disappointed in losing his audience, but at the sound of Harry’s voice and shift of the couch he looks up.

“It’s fascinating really, do you want to hear more?” He looks tentatively excited, grey eyes bright with just the slightest undercurrent of insecurity in them. It’s a look Harry doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to Draco turning on him.

“Yes, please. If you’ve got the time.”

“Only if you’ve got the time to listen.”

Harry leans over and pokes Draco’s side. “I’ve got all the time in the world to listen to you talk.” It comes out too fond, to genuine, and he feels himself flush, wishing he could take it back.

Draco simply smiles at him and presses their shoulders together where they rest on the back of the couch before launching into what he’s learned about the muggles this week.

“I went to Pince and asked for more books, and she got me this one by this American woman, it’s called Packing For Mars, and it’s about how the muggles did all of the weird small things no one thinks are going to be difficult until you’re actually in space and zero gravity is making it hard to use the loo.”

Harry snorts

“No really. Apparently one of the most beautiful sights in space is droplets of flash frozen urine drifting past the craft’s windows in the sunlight. And that’s not the only thing - they tried to send them up there with just nutritional paste to eat, but that went over terribly, so they had to do all sorts of experiments and in the end they managed to ‘freeze dry’ things? I’m not quite sure what that means but it sounds absolutely mad.”

Draco talks with his hands, emphasizing the important points, marking things he finds particularly ridiculous about the muggle’s journeys into space. He’s rambling, but Harry doesn’t mind.

One of the things Harry wasn’t expecting about befriending Draco 8th year is just how relentlessly curious the other boy is. He’ll spend hours reading whatever he can get his hands on, absorbing information on completely random topics, and then simply relaying it to anyone who will listen. Where Hermione is focused in her studies, Draco is a force of chaos. He’d probably win a pub night trivia game all by himself if given the chance.

The topic usually changes with the week. this week it’s clearly space travel. Last week was the functions of the human body, particularly the digestive tract, but there’d also been a whole day devoted to the ‘Microbiome’, whatever that is. Two weeks were dedicated to the muggle search for the afterlife, and their perception of ghost stories. One memorable week he’d managed to get a book about the history of sex research from Pince.

Most of the others are less charmed by this pursuit of knowledge than Harry is. There’s something about hearing Draco’s voice used for something other than taunting and ridicule that eases his breathing, and makes him feel altogether at peace. He’d listen to Draco talk for hours without getting tired if he could.

“Harry. Harry are you listening to me?”

“Huh? Sorry, I got lost there for a second. What were you saying?”

“I was /saying/ that the muggle’s next goal is Mars. They want to colonize a whole other planet! It’ll never work.”

“You said it yourself that they’re extraordinary. I think they’ll manage.”

“You would.”

“I would what.”

“Make it sound so /easy/“ Draco narrows his eyes and does his best impression of Harry “I think they’ll manage.”

“Oh don’t be a prat.”

“I’m not!”

“You are too!”

“Harry Potter only you would reduce the absolute madness that is not only getting to another planet but staying there and keeping people ALIVE to something ‘manageable’!”

Draco flops onto his back in Harry’s lap with a huff “they’ll manage” he repeats again.

It’s almost without thinking that harry starts to card his fingers through Draco’s hair. Draco starts off on another story, something about a flag and not burning it up in the atmosphere, but Harry’s mostly watching him talk at this point, letting the tone and cadence of Draco’s voice wash over him.

“Earth to Potter. Come in Harry.” He hears a while later.

“Huh... wha?” His head feels muzzy, and his mouth is dry.

“You nodded off on me. I didn’t realize i was boring you.” Draco looks embarrassed and a little cross. He’s sat up from Harry’s lap and his legs are folded under him, but he hasn’t moved away yet, which Harry takes as a good sign.

“I’m sorry - you’re not boring. It’s just” Harry’s not sure how to say this without giving Draco the ammunition to mock him for life. “It’s just that your voice is very soothing.” He turns and looks into the fire, his heart kicking at his ribs uselessly.

Draco grabs his wrist. “In that case...” he says slowly “perhaps i could keep talking elsewhere? I wouldn’t want you to wake up with a crick in your neck.” He’s smirking when Harry looks over, but it’s undercut with something softer, almost shy in his eyes.

“Er... yeah, okay?” Harry says, uncertainly.

“Fantastic then.” Draco hauls him up and starts pulling him towards the boys dorms. “Okay - so, back to the food thing. They’ve actually managed to grow potatoes IN space” he starts, and Harry’s more than happy to keep listening.

[inigofication]

Soleil Masterpost, Sessions 17.5-24

An INCREDIBLY long and detailed catch-up post with how Soleil has been doing!

Session 17.5 (one shot with 2/3 party members)

In the midst of some chaos, Soleil is taking care of the group’s spaceship when a priestess of Erathis shows herself to Soleil, knocking her off her feet and tells her “Your brother still lives. Head to the Far Reaches.” Until now, Soleil thought her brother was dead- clings onto the idea that the Far Reaches is around Pluto (because of what she learned in school as a space pilot). Her and her gang are currently on Mars.

Soleil and fellow pc Hazel hang out at their ship together, Hazel accidentally sets off the hyperdrive and sends them to a magic school made at the beginning of time. Eventually discover that the place is being ran by someone named “The Master”, who is a passed out, scrawny, 19 year old kid that looks interestingly like one of our friend NPCS- possibly his son? Also, we accidentally take a cosmic being back to the present with us and we discover a message from the Master asking for Hazel’s dad.

Session 18

Soleil and Hazel use a scrying orb together to find out that Soleil’s uncle (who she recently learned is a alive) hired a succubus to find Soleil for him, and now said succubus is accompanied with a cultist and a vampire while they track us

Fellow pc Lorelle and Soleil have a shared gay moment over Hazel 👍

Session 19

Soleil discovers that she can’t use Message on her uncle because his appearance has changed so heavily from when she last saw him that it doesn’t work

Soleil tries contacting her brother for the first time. Hears back, “Move to the Eastern flank! All squadrons down! [+ continuous laser fire]” However, all she gets from him is that same message, looping over and over again until the spell ends. Weird, but not confusing; Soleil realizes they might be too far for their Message radio to properly reach him

Soleil full name reveal! A space station that they head for asks for her name, rank, and affiliation: Soleil Aimee Mercier, Rank Pathfinder, Project Neudon

After landing, the AI asks Soleil if she’s heard anything from the Far Reaches Movement; it’s purpose was to seek out exoplanets, train for eventual colonization, etc. The station was told to stay radio silent unless FRM reached out to them first- the AI sent us a distress call regardless because the station was losing power

The AI has Lucas’ (her brother’s) information in it’s database, but Soleil didn’t have high enough clearance to access it

We go to a city called Becon, meet Hazel’s father, and Soleil befriends one of his agents named Dahlia, a character I played in a one-shot previously! :)

Big combat time, the priestess of Erathis shows herself again, Soleil asks if she knows anything else about Lucas and the priestess states that she knows nothing else, only that Erathis herself asked for the message from prior to be passed on

Soleil and Lorelle later get the confirmation that their NPC friend Tomas is in fact a time traveler! Explains how his son(?) the Master may have been able to get to the start of time

Tomas reveals that he knows NOTHING about Soleil in his timeline, so he worries that he’s responsible for what happened to Soleil’s ship and for trapping her here in this timeline instead of hers.

Session 20

Hazel talks a plan with Soleil; instead of running from the succubus tracking them, we could let her find us because she would tell us where Soleil’s uncle is, and we could reunite with him

Soleil and Lorelle are roped into spying on a “not-date” that Hazel and Tomas go on, Lorelle interrogates Sol about maybe having a crush on Hazel

Since they’re at a tavern, Soleil spends the rest of that night drinking with Hazel’s dad’s agents (Dahlia & co). One of them, Eleven, propositions her and Soleil leaves in a very drunk and flustered state

Sol has never been to Becon and of course, in her drunken stupor, gets very lost in the city on her way to the spaceship. She wanders aimlessly before stopping on a bridge, and Sinnafex shows himself to Soleil to talk; he’s getting restless, wants to do some CRIME! Soleil blabbers on about how their relationship is a two-way street and she can’t do everything he says, and in her state, even goes to far as to call them friends (he begrudgingly agrees). He also agrees to be patient with her and Soleil sees something she hasn’t seen in awhile- the manifestations of butterflies that are on her arms.

She follows the trail of them to an alley way with a young lady crying at the end of it. Doesn’t get her name, but learns that she ran away from home, and didn’t like all the expectations put upon her, so Soleil saw herself in her. When the city guards showed up, Sol asks her if she still wants to leave- Sol’s identity gets obscured as Sinnafex covers her body in webs as she scoops up the woman to make a break for it

SOLEIL ACCIDENTALLY STOLE AWAY THE CROWN PRINCESS OF BECON (which Sol had no idea of until Hazel and Lorelle told her)

Session 21

Soleil has a dream, set in a dead world by every definition- broken skyscrapers, burnt fields, and everything is frozen in time as a cosmos storms above her, and eyes of radiant light shine down. They speak to her, calling her a Child of Tlachtli, and ask if she’s ready for the end. When Sol says no, they say to prepare for it or else she’ll end with it; this is the destiny of all living things. She is told she can only stop it by stopping the sun from rising; it’s impossible. She “cannot cheat destiny. [She] is not [her] mother.” Soleil wakes up after, taking it all in and wondering what her mom could have done

Surprise! The succubus and vampire get the jump on Lorelle and Soleil at the ship! Meanwhile, the cultist causes havoc at a temple of Pelor with Hazel

Soleil in her frustration accidentally kills the succubus, so resorts to keeping the vampire alive to get information from him instead

Session 22

Soleil realizes Lorelle left and meets both of them at the temple to be met with a horrible scene; Lorelle and Hazel’s families frozen in time by the now dead cultist. She comforts Lorelle while she cries.

A few days later, while Lorelle and Hazel are HEAVILY bickering, Soleil sees a sign of one of their acquaintances- a golden canary lands on her shoulder. She lets it guide her away from the other two until they reach the bottom of one of the city’s mountains, arrive at what looks like more of a fortress than a temple

More canaries appear and they let her into the space; it’s empty, full of blue fire torches and suits of armor. Soleil feels the thrumming presence of Sinnafex still in the Silken Spite. The canaries land on Sol’s head and shoulders, leading her to a room with a pool. The canaries leave and Soleil notices the design of a silver dragon carved into the pool, with a glowing orb in its mouth

(This was the Platinum Dragon, revealing she accidentally got into a temple; she didn’t know this because, as she’s from a different timeline, she doesn’t know a lot about the religion here.)

She wades into the pool, and the Silken Spite immediately reacts, moving up from her side to curl around her neck like a choker, away from the water. Soleil’s “demon arm” (the one she uses to wield Silken Spite) also burns when the water touches the spider marks on her arm. Soleil could use her non-dominant hand, but wouldn’t be as successful, so she throws a quick “SORRY!” to Sinnafex before diving her demon arm into the (definitely) holy water. ITS VERY VERY PAINFUL 😀

Soleil gets a vision; sees herself as a little girl in the Chun Dunes, a desert filled with huge rainbow crystalline chunks scattered across the area. A sword is stabbed into a red gemstone, its light bleeding, letting darkness fester. Soleil feels the need to help before the vision ends. She yanks her hand from the water; up to her elbow is completely burned and scarred. The butterfly mark on her palm is faded, can’t see the webs on her forearm. A woman from the temple finds Soleil, freaking out, and gets Soleil on bed rest despite Sol’s protests.

While sleeping, Soleil rolls over onto her scarred arm and is woken by the sound of the dead skin flaking off (GROSS). She goes to a basin of water to start to wash it all away… the spiderweb markings on her arm have completely disappeared, as well as the butterflies. Instead, they are now replaced with lineart of shimmering, silver scales, all the way up to her shoulder. The butterfly on her palm is now replaced with a silver dragon with butterfly wings.

While the butterflies are gone from Soleil’s arm, she can now summon them whenever she pleases, and make their colors whatever she’d like. She tries blue and pink, colors that remind her of her friends, and Sinnafex appears again to complain about the colors on the lining of his suit changing with it. He reveals that the spiders were less to do with him and more to do with the Spider Queen, and also that when Soleil goes to the dreamverse, her soul temporarily leaves her body for the duration- to him, she becomes an aurora of colors. He tells Soleil of an artifact of the Spider Queen they could retrieve for helping their situation.

When Sol is eventually back at the ship, the princess reveals that she practices conjuring magic, and that with her books, she could supposedly summon Soleil’s uncle, who is now more demon than person. Discuss plans.

Later, a black butterfly flies from Hazel to Soleil; a memory offering itself for her. Soleil looks- learns that both the Elven woman she saw in her dreams once and the princess are both tied to Hazel and her family.

Session 23

Fairly chill session, mostly just deciding plans for getting families back. Get invites to the Fall Festival, Soleil disguises herself to sneak into the princess’ chambers in the castle, retrieve her spell books and GET OUTTA THERE. Mostly an errands session.

Hazel calls Soleil “Soli” and she sufficiently has some gay panic 👍

Soleil talks to Lorelle to make sure she’s okay, talk about Soleil and Hazel maybe dating since Hazel keeps taking Soleil places in private?? Sol assures her nothing has happened with herself and Hazel

Soleil goes off on her own to buy potions and quickly realizes she’s being trailed by someone they saw months ago, someone who was aboard an imperial ship- somehow, they can see Sinnafex with Soleil, even when he doesn’t show himself on purpose

Soleil manages to hide from him for a bit, buys polymorph poison from the apothecary and arms herself- she’s immediately attacked when she leaves the room. She uses her hivemind to tell Hazel and Lorelle what’s happened. The man calls Soleil a heretic and tries to forcefully arrest her, leading to combat. Soleil eventually uses the poison and turns him into a rat, making a dead break for their ship to get away from public eyes and to trap him in one of their rooms.

Soleil gets to the ship before her friends in a frenzy, making a move for the captain’s quarters where Dalm (the vampire!) stays. She gives him her keen dagger, explaining that in 10 minutes the polymorph will wear off, and when it does, she needs his help holding the man here to tie him up.

Lots of talking with the man; he’s a Drow elf named Dimitri. As we tend to his wounds in the medbay, Soleil asks Sinnafex why Dimitri called her a heretic. Sinnafex shifts into a woman’s form and explains Dimitri’s history with the Drow empire. Dimitri says to be from the imperial guard, who have license to arrest anyone they deem is practicing witchcraft (which is why he went after Sol and Sinnafex).

In a moment of panic, Soleil CLOCKS Dimitri because she remembers she can go into his memories if he’s unconscious- plans to try and make him forget that their encounter ever happened. For the entire duration of the dreamscape, Sol’s body is externally covered in shimmering, purple electric static. In addition to checking on Dimitri, Sol also goes into her uncle’s memories. Her uncle is now a monster; a robotic centaur, twice his stature as before

(cw violence) Hazel, upon hearing about what Soleil’s uncle now looks like, has a horrible memory: one of Soleil’s uncle in that centaur form trying to OBLITERATE her family. He sends Hazel’s dad off the balcony and EXTREMELY harms the Elven woman from before. Soleil and Lorelle see the memory at the same time. Afterward, everyone takes a moment to process what they just saw. Hazel insists on leaving for the dinner she and Soleil have with her godfather, no matter how much we insist she needs bed rest.

Session 24 (this one was 12 hours long, BUCKLE UP)

Sol and Hazel go to the dinner with her godfather to get festival invites, he has a very nice mansion and lets them have their own rooms to stay the night.

Before the night is over, Hazel tells her godfather and Sol and Lorelle are interested in each other and wants them to spend more time together at the festival. Soleil FREAKS and finds out that Hazel is genuinely seriously about setting them up.

Soleil and Hazel have a spa day the next morning! Comfy beds, huge baths all to themselves in their rooms. The bath picks up on Soleil’s stress as she mulls over her probable feelings for Lorelle, and bath bombs are added to the bath, as well as the shower to mimic rain. First bath in who knows how long!! :) (also it casted Calm Emotions on her LOL)

Soleil and Hazel get tailored for festival dresses. We later meet Lorelle and the others back at the ship to explain why we were out all night. Whole gang spends hours talking about plans going forward. Afterward, Soleil seeks out Lorelle to check on her again

(tw abuse, scars) Lorelle opens up to Soleil about her abusive ex boyfriend who has been messaging her a lot as of late. Soleil makes sure Lorelle knows how toxic he was and how she didn’t do anything wrong, and herself and the others will always be there for her. She asks Lorelle if her burn scars are because of him, and it’s confirmed. Soleil holds her wrist, and the scale markings flash with the color of Lorelle’s skin. At one point, Dalm and Enu interrupt to ask if there’s “romance happening.” They shoo them off, Lorelle talks about Hazel liking Soleil, Soleil disagrees and tells Lorelle how much she cares about her, they talk about Soleil’s uncle, and she finally heads to her own room at around 4 am.

Upon leaving, Soleil see’s Hazel’s raven familiar in the hall and says goodnight to him- in response, she hears her dead father say goodnight back. She immediately freezes and crouches in front of the raven VERY confused, and gets her eyebrow pecked for it.

While Soleil sleeps in the morning, the Imperial Guard arrive to collect Dimitri (who was sedated and still passed out). It goes off without a hitch, but very quickly after he’s gone, the group needs to decide if they flee or stay, in case Dimitri turns them in when he inevitably wakes up. We get Dalm out and hide Princess Enu under the floor plating.

Guards arrive on the claim that we harbored a vampire, we let them search the ship thinking we’re fine, but they find evidence of things we forgot to clean up (whoops). While we’re manacled, Lorelle’s ex, Lindon, shows up with a group of cultists and start attacking the guards; he came here with the intent of saving Lorelle

SOLEIL GETS BADASS COMBAT TIME! Hazel goes down and Lorelle is on one hit point; Soleil scoops up Hazel and urges Lorelle onto the ship, still trying to keep her away from her Lindon. He insists he can take them to a hideout that’s away from imperial reach. Soleil is pissed and hates his guts, but doesn’t have time for bickering and wants to use him to keep the guards off of us for as long as possible. With Lorelle’s permission, he and his gang get on the ship with us as we leave.

Some party drama with Hazel, leaving Soleil to be incredibly pissed at her for quite awhile. Soleil sticks with Lorelle at all times so she can never be alone with Lindon. Soleil takes the ship to sub-orbital until they all decide what to do. She takes Lorelle to the medbay to help patch her up.

Sinnafex tells Soleil they could vent the cultists and Lindon from the ship if they really want to; Soleil considers it. Soleil leaves to go secretly move Enu back to her room without the new company seeing. She returns to the medbay while Hazel and Lorelle talk

Soleil gets the hideout from Lindon, and passes on the message that he wants to talk with Lorelle one on one. Soleil offers to go with and Lorelle accepts. The talk goes nowhere with Sol there; she argues with Lindon until Lorelle holds her wrist. Soleil squeezes her hand very hard. They leave, and Sol asks if she wants company for the night. Lorelle says yes

While Soleil gets things ready for bed, she realizes Lorelle has been gone for awhile and finds Lorelle and Hazel hugging, Hazel’s huge void of a scar transferred to Lorelle. Soleil waits a whole hour there for them before they leave the vision; they saw Lorelle’s mom (who we thought was dead) working with Soleil’s uncle

Hazel and Lorelle cry themselves to exhaustion, passing out, and Soleil hauls them to the bridge, asking Dalm if he can help grab pillows and blankets from everyone’s room for a huge comfy pile in the bridge where no one has to be alone. Since Dalm is a vampire, Soleil asks him if he could stay up the night while they sleep so that the cultists don’t do anything; he agrees

Dalm grabs Soleil’s hand and tells her that she’s doing a great job, and it’s okay if she needs to cry too; Soleil says “we’ll see.” He gives her a kiss on the forehead and brushes his hand through Soleil’s hair while she sleeps with the other two

LEVEL UP!!! Soleil multiclasses into Hexblade Warlock (5 rogue levels, 1 warlock level)! She takes Eldritch Blast, Sword Burst, Hellish Rebuke and Hex. Flavor text moment, Soleil learned all of her warlock abilities from Sinnafex

(cw light implied nsfw) The next morning, Soleil wakes up first and feels a weight lift off of her; Sinnafex was laying on top of her and he “wakes up”, claiming that “last night was so fun~” (even though nothing happened). Soleil tells him he’s very funny and sits there unamused while he moves to straddle her instead

He says Lorelle is cute, he doesn’t mind sharing. Since him and Soleil are the only ones up, he proposes that they could just go kill the cultists right now- throwing in a “You’re so pretty in the morning… can we go kill that guy now?” Soleil refuses, saying as much as she wants to, it’s not her decision alone. He dramatically falls back, exasperated, and calls Soleil boring

Lorelle wakes up next and tells Soleil about what her and Hazel saw. Hazel wakes up after, immediately leaving the pile.

The space station from before messages the ship again, offering a place to stay if our ship is currently too small.

Soleil goes to get breakfast from the kitchen, Dalm is there cooking, as well as Enu who excitedly tells Soleil that she found the CANNABIS OPTION ON THE FOOD REPLICATOR. Soleil and Enu have an interesting talk about how to limit those snacks as well as energy drinks

Soleil puts a hand on Dalm’s arm and thanks him sincerely for the night prior; he turns the move into a hug and says it’s okay. He asks Enu to go grab his dagger from his room since he forgot it. When she leaves, Dalm pulls away from the hug but still keeps close; “I don’t know what you’re doing to me. I was sent here to assassinate you and now I’m here cooking for you and- and I like it? Did you put a curse on me or something?”

Soleil laughs, telling him they’re all just becoming better friends, and maybe he likes some sort of domestic life more than he thought. She grabs breakfast for everyone and he gives her arm a squeeze as she leaves

Lorelle asks how Soleil slept, Sinnafex makes a comment to Sol about “sleeping between two beautiful women.” She wants to strangle him. She tells Lorelle and Hazel about her earlier visit from Sinnafex but nothing else

Hazel leaves to “give the lovebirds space,” Soleil and Lorelle talk and Sinnafex keeps butting in, telling Soleil to “cut the bedroom eyes.” He gradually makes more teasing and inappropriate comments and Soleil gets more and more flustered, busying herself with the controls on the board- Lorelle knows Soleil is talking to Sinnafex because Soleil stops to respond telepathically.

Lorelle asks Soleil to accompany her on trying to talk to Lindon again, Soleil agrees. Sol takes a moment at the bridge to mentally scream at Sinnafex while Lorelle grabs some things. Lindon agrees to only talk business while Soleil is present, no personal talks. We talk plans with Lindon and then talk about all of our options with everyone

Soleil accompanies Lorelle for her talk with Lindon one more time. Lorelle squeezes Soleil’s hand and says it’ll be okay if Soleil just waits in the doorway, per Lindon’s request. Soleil begrudgingly goes with it. She listens to them catch up and discuss their past, gradually getting more irritated but keeping to herself. Lindon eventually calls Soleil back in when they finish talking.

Soleil and Lorelle leave, talk about it a little before Dalm comes over with slices of cake. He advises Lorelle to go get some sleep, then waits until she’s left to ask Soleil if she listened in; “Of course I did.” “Of course you did. I’m almost disappointed in you.” Dalm says that some people need to figure things out on their own, without their friends with them. Soleil argues that Lorelle wanted her there and that Sol wanted to make sure Lorelle didn’t get hurt. Dalm asks if Soleil thinks she ever cares ä bit too much, Soleil says maybe, and Dalm makes an offhand comment about Soleil being in love with Lorelle- Soleil shuts it down very quickly, flustered; she says no, no, no, and Dalm asks if that means he has a chance. Soleil, assuming he’s joking around, gives him a laugh before parting

Sinnafex tells her “Oh my… this is going to get interesting.” Soleil asks what he means, but he refuses to tell her unless she lets him take control of her just once; Soleil quickly shoots it down

(META GAME MOMENT: WE HAVE CONFIRMED DALM DEFINITELY HAS A CRUSH ON SOLEIL)

The gang goes ahead and makes it to the space station. Dalm asks Soleil if he can go walk along the moon, she agrees to let him out and watch him from the airlock. Before they go, he says they need to have a talk about “romance”, not between Soleil and Lorelle but someone else… HEAVILY hints to Princess Enu having a crush on Soleil- she keeps her diary a secret around Dalm and he once saw her draw a heart with initials in it around some runes. Soleil is STUNNED and thinks he’s got it wrong

(tw nsfw implication, slight manipulation?) While Dalm is gone, Soleil asks Sinnafex if the reveal about Enu was his “surprise,” Sinnafex says OBVIOUSLY not and calls Soleil boring. He shows himself again, this time standing in front of her, hand against the wall behind her and leaning close. He suggests hooking up, Soleil declines while assuring him that she’s fine. He holds her chin getting closer, insisting that it would be good for Soleil to get some “practice” to no longer be a virgin. Soleil mentions being interested in someone else, and he bugs her about it until Soleil confirms that it’s Lorelle. He says again that he doesn’t mind sharing, and asks if he can at least get a kiss. Soleil huffs, frustrated, and only gives him a kiss on the cheek before focusing back on letting Dalm back into the station. Dalm says she should go out there with him sometime.

Next day, Soleil tries her hand at an old Ancient One RPG on a game console that’s aboard! swag

Third day, Sinnafex bugs Soleil while she tries to sleep; “I’m trying to fucking SLEEP!” “And I’m trying to FUCKING!” Soleil later accidentally walks in on Hazel letting Dalm have some of her blood while trying to find the bathroom because he had been growing weak.

Fourth day, Enu approaches Soleil and asks if she’ll go with her to see the station’s fire elemental; Enu wants to learn from it since it’s her specialty, and Soleil understands the whole conversation. It goes on for a few hours before Enu starts to get tired, yawning and exhausted. Soleil says they should get her to bed, and Enu asks “Would you carry me?” While Soleil’s caught off guard, Enu panics saying it was a dumb thing to ask, DEAD SPRINTS back to her room

Soleil and Lorelle meet up while Soleil is heading back from her time with Enu. Lorelle asks how Soleil is and talks about a random dating sim game that the AI recommended for her- Soleil finds it funny and admits to having played that game ages ago back in her timeline. They walk and talk about everything, ending up in a small lounge/sitting area.

Out of nowhere, Sinnafex takes control of Soleil (failed wisdom save), making her grab Lorelle’s hands and tell her how lonely they looked. Soleil gets control again and immediately panics. Sinnafex bugs her while Soleil becomes a bumbling mess of apologies for how sudden it was, getting more flustered by the second.

(cw nsfw implication, manipulation kinda from Sinnafex again) Lorelle tucks Soleil’s hair behind her ear, asking if she’s okay. Sinnafex keeps pushing her and Soleil finally says “This might be… very inappropriate of me to ask. But can I… kiss you…?” Lorelle says yes, and they kiss. Sinnafex takes control again, meaning more kisses, having Soleil put her hand on Lorelle’s thigh and asking if she wants to go further; Lorelle declines

Soleil gets control back and FREAKS out because that’s absolutely NOT WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO. Lorelle tucks Soleil’s hair again, gives her a kiss on the forehead, and tells Soleil she needs better control over Sinnafex; Soleil VERY MUCH agrees. Lorelle suggests getting food, Soleil says she’ll meet her at the cafeteria and goes to her room.

Soleil full on screams into her pillow for a good minute and yells at Sinnafex who shows himself again, with celebratory wine and his tie undone. Soleil argues with him incessantly, he makes fun of her for only just having her first kiss, and abruptly moves in front of Soleil to hold her chin again and kiss her this time, pulls back saying “That’s what a kiss should be.”

Soleil finally leaves, incredibly frustrated (more so when he slaps her ass on the way out JFC), and eventually meets back up with Lorelle. Soleil doesn’t know, but the kiss from Sinnafex created a charming effect on Lorelle, making her even more infatuated with Soleil. For the rest of the night, they get food, talk, and only share kisses before calling it a night at one of their rooms.

SOLEIL GOES TO THE DREAMVERSE! Sinnafex visits Lorelle’s mind while Soleil is gone, telling Lorelle about how Soleil’s soul just disappears sometimes. They talk, and when Lorelle asks Sinnafex to step off with the relationship stuff, Sinnafex explains that he is with Soleil for everything she does; their traits rub off on each other and some bit of him will always be present. He takes the form of a woman again and tries to seduce Lorelle but to no avail. Sinnafex also saves Lorelle from her own shadow demon.

DREAMVERSE TIME!! Soleil feels nostalgic with all the talk of families, so she visits her dad’s memories- but it’s more like visiting his own personal heaven since he’s dead. Soleil watches her dad push her and Lucas on swings at a park, Soleil was a toddler at the time while Lucas was slightly older. He pushes them high on the swings, saying he always knew Soleil and Lucas would fly high. Soleil sees her mom with her dad too.

As Sol leaves the space, she’s presented with the option to go deeper into it. She does, and this time she’s on the swing and not watching herself. Instead of flying off the swing into the air, Soleil lands with a thud into the sand, and her dad immediately becomes confused, thinking he somehow broke the space, saying this isn’t how the memory is supposed to happen. Soleil turns towards him; “…Dad?” “Soleil?” They both realize it’s real, they’re really together, and her dad scrambles over to bring her into a hug. Soleil immediately breaks down, and he tells her how much he’s missed her, how he doesn’t understand what’s happening, and doesn’t know if Soleil died or not. Soleil explains it’s just a thing she can do, and they move to the swings to talk. He asks her what it was like visiting a new galaxy, and reveals that while he’s here, he can view parts of Soleil’s life as they happen, but he’s behind and viewing them in random order. He asks if Soleil has gotten with Tomas yet, that’s what he was banking on, and Soleil admits to have kissing Lorelle that night. Soleil asks him if he knows where Lucas is, and he doesn’t, but he knows about what happened to Soleil’s uncle. While we talk, an older version of Hazel shows up, a version of her where she became a champion of the Raven Queen. She tells Soleil that she can’t be there, has to leave before the others find out. Soleil hugs her dad tight, tells him she loves him, and he loves her too, telling her that she’ll always fly so, so high. The space fades as the sand falls away.

Soleil tries checking on her mother next. Her father told her that she was currently doing something in the North Pole, but not sure what. Soleil tries to see, but not strong enough to get in.

Soleil tries checking on Lucas, hoping to pry her way in to figure out what happened to him. She’s not strong enough here, either, but instead gets tossed into someone else’s mind- her brother’s significant other. She’s with him on a beach, holding his hand, and she asks to hear about Soleil again. He replies “You mean that greedy, self important little trouble maker? … She did always have a sense of humor.” He starts to cry and she comforts him, telling him she understands.

Soleil gets pushed out of the memory, but once again gets the option to go deeper in. She follows the path, and ends up at not the beach but instead a firey battlefield, scattered with ships Soleil doesn’t recognize. Soleil stands on the bow of a starship with a sword pointed at her by the same person, demanding to know who Soleil is. Soleil is still crying from before, and desperately explains that she’s Lucas’ sister. The figure is confused at first but eventually comes around, asking Soleil what happened to the St. Marianne. Soleil explains that the ship was destroyed, and that she ended up here and was found. She starts to tell Soleil that the Order has invaded, they’re at the Gateway, and Soleil needs to bring reinforcements. She struggles to think of the word, then says in French, “the many is one” so that Soleil can understand. Soleil mentions having been in cryosleep for 3,000 years, so she doesn’t understand the war, and the figure is confused on how that can be because the battle has only gone on for 15 minutes. Before Soleil can say anything, the setting resets- the figure moves back to pointing the blade at Soleil, repeating herself in demanding to know who Soleil is. Soleil realizes that they’re stuck in a TIME LOOP.

The memory fades away, and instead, Soleil sees the universe in front of her like she has before, it speaks to her again; “This is what will happen if you free him. Your brother. Freeing him from the gateway will cause cataclysm. The Nine will stand. They will not fall to foreign invaders. Your destiny… the reason you were the one who survived the St. Marianne was to prevent ragnarok. You are a soldier. You are ours. Prepare yourself.”

Soleil suddenly wakes up, alone in her room, Lorelle missing from the bed- instead there is only a trail of black ichor leading out of the room. Soleil quickly gets up, following the trail all the way to the airlock- where she sees Lorelle passed out on the floor, surrounded by the ichor at the brink of life, and her shadow demon pinned to the wall by Sinnafex’s webs.

End of session! If anyone reads all this, I hope you enjoy this LENGTHY summary and feel free to hand over any questions about Soleil or the campaign :)

[weeklyhumorist]

The Aliens On Mars Respond To Jeff Bezos’ Inhabitance There 5 Years From Now

This summer marks five agonizing years since our Invader Jeff Bezos traveled to space and decided he wanted to settle down and live out his golden years on Mars. I still remember the day his big spaceship landed, and you know what they say about guys with big ships. First of all, he double parked, which was shitty, and second, the moment he landed he had the balls to say “Take me to your leader.” Like, if you’re going to visit a different planet, at least do a bit of research about the culture before coming instead of shoving a bunch of stereotypes in our faces like Emily in Paris. From that moment, we knew this guy was gonna be a real son of a mother load. And here we are, five years later after he’s decided to retire on Mars and now the entire planet is working for him and his retirement community built only for him until he dies.

So let me space walk you through what a day in our lives is like tending to Jeff. Wake up call is at 5:00 a.m., because he still adheres to those wannabe hustler LinkedIn posts. Then, we help him shower which…we think is weird, right? E.T.’s in charge of exfoliating, shampooing, and conditioning his bald head and before you ask, yes, he kicks himself every day for not staying down on Earth. Then, for the rest of the day Jeff lays out and enjoys our gorgeous 12-hour sunlit days while my co-worker Brobot reads his horoscope since his house is always in Mars now and he wants to stay on his toes. Jeff still hasn’t learned Brobot’s name, and usually refers to him as Alexa, or Beep Boop Bop, which is very offensive. Those not on Jeff duty stack and count his money in the giant warehouses he’s built here to make sure it’s all safe so the IRS on Earth doesn’t bust him.

Believe it or not, the working conditions here are atrocious. Even though we have an intergalactic resort bathroom onsite while he’s just laying out by the crater pools, Jeff doesn’t allow us to use it! He makes us piss in water bottles just like the human workers did on Earth! Rumor has it he likes to drink it because he thinks our alien urine will make his hair grow back. Plus, there’s dangerous machinery in the kitchen and a few of my colleagues got some of our tentacles sliced off when trying to make him a stupid roast beef sandwich while he’s watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Now he’s trying to convince us everything is fine with a propaganda marketing campaign that gives employees discounts at a place called Space Foods. Too bad he doesn’t pay us enough to shop at Space Foods. Even the employee delivery deals for it aren’t good either, “2 Light Years Free Shipping” isn’t that impressive, you know.

From what I heard about Earth, this kind of colonization of peaceful places is…common? Before that bald fuck came on his Blue Origin flight here with his buddies, we were just a peaceful alien planet taking joyrides on our UFOs. Did you know he brought COVID-19 to Mars? I know it’s old news for 40% of you guys, but we haven’t gotten the vaccine yet here. Things have gotten so much worse despite the ominous smile logo of the company that’s now on our new planet flag.

The most frustrating thing about the whole situation is us aliens will never get to enjoy our golden years like Jeff is here. We’ve worked our whole lives. Before busting our balls babysitting Jeff, we were executing missions to kidnap humans from Earth. And it was a good living, every time someone saw a sighting or was abducted, the media paid us and it was nice. But during that time, we never got to get to know and spend time with the earthlings we’ve abducted. We’ve never gotten to touch their eyeballs and taste their hair and all that stuff. That time’s saved for our senior years, and at the pay rate Jeff’s paying out, I’ll never be able to retire. Not to mention we had to say goodbye to any leisure time and hobbies. My cousin Zenon, he actually used to collect antique UFOs, that was his big hobby and, of course, a big money sucker. He would go to UFO shows all over the galaxy. And he was just forced to sell his entire collection to some collectors on Venus because Jeff’s 401k offerings are jack shit.

Honestly, we’ve had it with Bezos. We’re going to vote to unionize to take our planet back. Unfortunately, we do have to whisper during our secret union meetings because we 100% think Alexa is listening to us. Zenon just got an ad for tentacle gloves he was dropping hints for a while now. Wish us luck that Big Bezos doesn’t shoot the polling boxes with an alien raygun.

  The Aliens On Mars Respond To Jeff Bezos’ Inhabitance There 5 Years From Now was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live  /  you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

[no1else-but-me]

Book Recs if you love Jaime and Brienne

This is a collection of all the book recs I could find from @briennesjaime​ tumblr books rec, the reddit, and my own. Please reblog your own if you have some. 

1. The Queen of Attolia which is book#2 of the The Queen’s Thief series

This is definitely more for the enemies to lovers trope. The thief even loses a hand like Jaime but under much different circumstances.  The Queen is like the colder version of Brienne.

Revenge When Eugenides, the Thief of Eddis, stole Hamiathes’s Gift, the Queen of Attolia lost more than a mythical relic. She lost face. Everyone knew that Eugenides had outwitted and escaped her. To restore her reputation and reassert her power, the Queen of Attolia will go to any length and accept any help that is offered…she will risk her country to execute the perfect revenge. …but Eugenides can steal anything. And he taunts the Queen of Attolia, moving through her strongholds seemingly at will. So Attolia waits, secure in the knowledge that the Thief will slip, that he will haunt her palace one too many times. …at what price? When Eugenides finds his small mountain country at war with Attolia, he must steal a man, he must steal a queen, he must steal peace. But his greatest triumph, and his greatest loss, comes in capturing something that the Queen of Attolia thought she had sacrificed long ago… 

2. The Lumatere Chronicles 

One of my favorite series of all time. It’s character driven and it’s has many surprises. Starts off with Finnikin has lost hope like Jaime but gains it slowly over time. Evanjalin her honor and her pursuit of her quest reminds me very much of  Brienne. 

Finnikin of the Rock and his guardian, Sir Topher, have not been home to their beloved Lumatere for ten years. Not since the dark days when the royal family was murdered and the kingdom put under a terrible curse. But then Finnikin is summoned to meet Evanjalin, a young woman with an incredible claim: the heir to the throne of Lumatere, Prince Balthazar, is alive. Evanjalin is determined to return home and she is the only one who can lead them to the heir. As they journey together, Finnikin is affected by her arrogance … and her hope. He begins to believe he will see his childhood friend, Prince Balthazar, again. And that their cursed people will be able to enter Lumatere and be reunited with those trapped inside. He even believes he will find his imprisoned father. But Evanjalin is not what she seems. And the truth will test not only Finnikin’s faith in her … but in himself.

3. Howl’s Moving Castle 

This one might be a stretch but hear me out. Howl is pretty much the embodiment of Jaime but probably more vain. While, Sophie really conveys Brienne self-esteem issues but still noble in her own right. Plus, their banter very reminiscent to Jaime and Brienne. 

Sophie has the great misfortune of being the eldest of three daughters, destined to fail miserably should she ever leave home to seek her fate. But when she unwittingly attracts the ire of the Witch of the Waste, Sophie finds herself under a horrid spell that transforms her into an old lady. Her only chance at breaking it lies in the ever-moving castle in the hills: the Wizard Howl’s castle. To untangle the enchantment, Sophie must handle the heartless Howl, strike a bargain with a fire demon, and meet the Witch of the Waste head-on. Along the way, she discovers that there’s far more to Howl—and herself—than first meets the eye.

@temporiibus recommends The Raven Cycle!!

“There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve,” Neeve said. “Either you’re his true love . . . or you killed him.” It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive. Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble. But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little. For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore. From Maggie Stiefvater, the bestselling and acclaimed author of the Shiver trilogy and The Scorpio Races, comes a spellbinding new series where the inevitability of death and the nature of love lead us to a place we’ve never been before. 

The Winners Trilogy

As a general’s daughter in a vast empire that revels in war and enslaves those it conquers, seventeen-year-old Kestrel has two choices: she can join the military or get married. But Kestrel has other intentions.  One day, she is startled to find a kindred spirit in a young slave up for auction. Arin’s eyes seem to defy everything and everyone. Following her instinct, Kestrel buys him—with unexpected consequences. It’s not long before she has to hide her growing love for Arin.  But he, too, has a secret, and Kestrel quickly learns that the price she paid for a fellow human is much higher than she ever could have imagined.  Set in a richly imagined new world, The Winner’s Curse by Marie Rutkoski is a story of deadly games where everything is at stake, and the gamble is whether you will keep your head or lose your heart.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone recommended by @realduality

Errand requiring immediate attention. Come. The note was on vellum, pierced by the talons of the almost-crow that delivered it. Karou read the message. 'He never says please', she sighed, but she gathered up her things. When Brimstone called, she always came. In general, Karou has managed to keep her two lives in balance. On the one hand, she's a seventeen-year-old art student in Prague; on the other, errand-girl to a monstrous creature who is the closest thing she has to family. Raised half in our world, half in 'Elsewhere', she has never understood Brimstone's dark work - buying teeth from hunters and murderers - nor how she came into his keeping. She is a secret even to herself, plagued by the sensation that she isn't whole. Now the doors to Elsewhere are closing, and Karou must choose between the safety of her human life and the dangers of a war-ravaged world that may hold the answers she has always sought.

The Mars Trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson. Hard SF, and the romance is definitely not a major plot, but one of the characters involved in the trope is legit my favorite fictional character of all time and that journey from enemy to friend to lover is a big part of it.

In his most ambitious project to date, award-winning author Kim Stanley Robinson utilizes years of research & cutting-edge science in the 1st of a trilogy chronicling the colonization of Mars: For eons, sandstorms have swept the desolate landscape. For centuries, Mars has beckoned humans to conquer its hostile climate. Now, in 2026, a group of 100 colonists is about to fulfill that destiny. John Boone, Maya Toitavna, Frank Chalmers & Arkady Bogdanov lead a terraforming mission. For some, Mars will become a passion driving them to daring acts of courage & madness. For others it offers an opportunity to strip the planet of its riches. For the genetic alchemists, it presents a chance to create a biomedical miracle, a breakthrough that could change all we know about life & death. The colonists orbit giant satellite mirrors to reflect light to the surface. Black dust sprinkled on the polar caps will capture warmth. Massive tunnels, kilometers deep, will be drilled into the mantle to create stupendous vents of hot gases. Against this backdrop of epic upheaval, rivalries, loves & friendships will form & fall to pieces--for there are those who will fight to the death to prevent Mars from ever being changed. Brilliantly imagined, breathtaking in scope & ingenuity, Red Mars is an epic scientific saga, chronicling the next step in evolution, creating a world in its entirety. It shows a future, with both glory & tarnish, that awes with complexity & inspires with vision.

The Folk of the Air

Of course I want to be like them. They’re beautiful as blades forged in some divine fire. They will live forever. And Cardan is even more beautiful than the rest. I hate him more than all the others. I hate him so much that sometimes when I look at him, I can hardly breathe. Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

 @swainlake recommends the darkest powers trilogy by kelley armstrong is really good

My name is Chloe Saunders and my life will never be the same again. All I wanted was to make friends, meet boys, and keep on being ordinary. I don't even know what that means anymore. It all started on the day that I saw my first ghost - and the ghost saw me. Now there are ghosts everywhere and they won't leave me alone. To top it all off, I somehow got myself locked up in Lyle House, a "special home" for troubled teens. Yet the home isn't what it seems. Don't tell anyone, but I think there might be more to my housemates than meets the eye. The question is, whose side are they on? It's up to me to figure out the dangerous secrets behind Lyle House... before its skeletons come back to haunt me

@imladriss recommends: We hunt the flame by hafsah faizal

People lived because she killed. People died because he lived. Zafira is the Hunter, disguising herself as a man when she braves the cursed forest of the Arz to feed her people. Nasir is the Prince of Death, assassinating those foolish enough to defy his autocratic father, the king. If Zafira was exposed as a girl, all of her achievements would be rejected; if Nasir displayed his compassion, his father would punish him in the most brutal of ways.  Both are legends in the kingdom of Arawiya—but neither wants to be. War is brewing, and the Arz sweeps closer with each passing day, engulfing the land in shadow. When Zafira embarks on a quest to uncover a lost artifact that can restore magic to her suffering world and stop the Arz, Nasir is sent by the king on a similar mission: retrieve the artifact and kill the Hunter. But an ancient evil stirs as their journey unfolds—and the prize they seek may pose a threat greater than either can imagine. Set in a richly detailed world inspired by ancient Arabia, We Hunt the Flame is a gripping debut of discovery, conquering fear, and taking identity into your own hands.

@moirindeclermont recommends  anything from Jacqueline Carey (she is a goddess and my favourite writer) but also Deborah Harkness (A discovery of witches) which is amazing, I’m obsessed with it. Nemesis by Isaac Asimov touches some themes similar to Brienne’s. Arn the knight

The land of Terre d'Ange is a place of unsurpassing beauty and grace. It is said that angels found the land and saw it was good... and the ensuing race that rose from the seed of angels and men live by one simple rule: Love as thou wilt.  Phèdre nó Delaunay is a young woman who was born with a scarlet mote in her left eye. Sold into indentured servitude as a child, her bond is purchased by Anafiel Delaunay, a nobleman with very a special mission... and the first one to recognize who and what she is: one pricked by Kushiel's Dart, chosen to forever experience pain and pleasure as one. Phèdre is trained equally in the courtly arts and the talents of the bedchamber, but, above all, the ability to observe, remember, and analyze. Almost as talented a spy as she is courtesan, Phèdre stumbles upon a plot that threatens the very foundations of her homeland. Treachery sets her on her path; love and honor goad her further. And in the doing, it will take her to the edge of despair... and beyond. Hateful friend, loving enemy, beloved assassin; they can all wear the same glittering mask in this world, and Phèdre will get but one chance to save all that she holds dear.  Set in a world of cunning poets, deadly courtiers, heroic traitors, and a truly Machiavellian villainess, this is a novel of grandeur, luxuriance, sacrifice, betrayal, and deeply laid conspiracies. Not since Dune has there been an epic on the scale of Kushiel's Dart-a massive tale about the violent death of an old age, and the birth of a new.

Deep in the stacks of Oxford's Bodleian Library, young scholar Diana Bishop unwittingly calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript in the course of her research. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Diana wants nothing to do with sorcery; so after a furtive glance and a few notes, she banishes the book to the stacks. But her discovery sets a fantastical underworld stirring, and a horde of daemons, witches, and vampires soon descends upon the library. Diana has stumbled upon a coveted treasure lost for centuries-and she is the only creature who can break its spell.

In a hail of fire and flashing sword, as the burning city of Acre falls from the hands of the West in 1291, The Last Templar opens with a young Templar knight, his mentor, and a handful of others escaping to the sea carrying a mysterious chest entrusted to them by the Order's dying Grand Master. The ship vanishes without a trace. In present day Manhattan, four masked horsemen dressed as Templar Knights emerge from Central Park and ride up the Fifth Avenue steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art during the blacktie opening of a Treasures of the Vatican exhibit. Storming through the crowds, the horsemen brutally attack anyone standing between them and their prize. Attending the gala, archaeologist Tess Chaykin watches in silent terror as the leader of the horsemen hones in on one piece in particular, a strange geared device. He utters a few cryptic Latin words as he takes hold of it with reverence before leading the horsemen out and disappearing into the night. In the aftermath, an FBI investigation is led by anti-terrorist specialist Sean Reilly. Soon, he and Tess are drawn into the dark, hidden history of the crusading Knights, plunging them into a deadly game of cat and mouse with ruthless killers as they race across three continents to recover the lost secret of the Templars. 

Irissa and Kendric Series

Irissa was the last of the sorcerous Torlocs, untutored in magic and abandoned upon this decaying world by her people. Kendric was one of the Six of Swords, gifted with a legendary weapon to guard the Realms from harm. But now he was an outcast, and his death was sought with reason by the other Five. Sorceress and swordsman, they were thrown together; each filled with ancient prejudices against the other. But only by combining her uncertain powers with his remaining skills could they survive. Survive they must, however. Rule was a world formed upon magic - but now magic was failing and there would soon be no place for it. And destiny in strange guise had chosen them to make one last stand against the dark forces that were waiting at the Gate of Valna, seeking to destroy their world

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Orphaned as a child, Jane has felt an outcast her whole young life. Her courage is tested once again when she arrives at Thornfield Hall, where she has been hired by the brooding, proud Edward Rochester to care for his ward Adèle. Jane finds herself drawn to his troubled yet kind spirit. She falls in love. Hard.

But there is a terrifying secret inside the gloomy, forbidding Thornfield Hall. Is Rochester hiding from Jane? Will Jane be left heartbroken and exiled once again?

Since its immediate success in 1813, Pride and Prejudice has remained one of the most popular novels in the English language. Jane Austen called this brilliant work "her own darling child" and its vivacious heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, "as delightful a creature as ever appeared in print." The romantic clash between the opinionated Elizabeth and her proud beau, Mr. Darcy, is a splendid performance of civilized sparring. And Jane Austen's radiant wit sparkles as her characters dance a delicate quadrille of flirtation and intrigue, making this book the most superb comedy of manners of Regency England

In the medieval and fantastic realm of Tortall, Keladry of Mindelan (known as Kel) is the first girl to take advantage of the decree that permits women to train for knighthood. But not everyone in Tortall believes a woman is up to the task, and Kel faces harsh discrimination. With unparalleled determination and a knack for leadership, she captures the hearts of her peers and proves that she is not a girl to underestimate! 

[douxreviews]

The Expanse - Season One Review (or Why You Should Be Watching This Show)

I discovered The Expanse a couple of weeks ago and it hooked me from the first episode. It's a well written sci-fi thriller, complete with good twists and fascinating world building.

The series is set in a future where humans have colonized most of the Solar System and are now divided into three main groups: the ones who live on Earth, the ones who live on Mars and the Belters – those who live in stations across the Asteroid Belt. The Earthers have the money, the Martians have the military tech and the Belters have nothing. Political conflicts abound and anything could lead to war.

So, of course, anything happens.

The first season presents three parallel storylines that concur to the solving of a central mystery. While the second half of the season is not as strong and tightly written as the first, the season as a whole is engaging sci-fi and leaves you interested in knowing what happens next.

I wasn't sure if I should write a typical season review for this, or an article providing reasons as to why you should be watching this show. So, as a good Libra, I decided to do a mix of both. Now, beware, vague spoilers for season one follow below the spoiler kitten.

A rich, layered universe

You know how when a TV series starts you can tell that the creator(s) and writers are still figuring it out? Most characters are bland, the fictional universe is still in construction... Well, this is not a problem for The Expanse.

It probably helps that the TV show has source material to work with, the book series by Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck, but I was still amazed by how detailed and rich the universe of The Expanse was from the get go. In one of the very first scenes of the series, a man loses his arm, then a couple of scenes later he is casually chatting about getting a bionic arm. It's one little detail of world building that combined with many others quickly give the viewer a solid image of the universe they are getting into.

Throughout the season the protagonists visit many different space ships and stations – it's quite a ride – and some of these places we only see for one episode. Still, the writers and producers care enough to give us a fully realized location, as if we were going to spend the entire season there, not just one or two episodes. I can't stress enough how much I appreciate this level of dedication.

Well written characters

The Expanse follows the journeys of three characters / groups of characters: Holden and his pals (the Roci crew), Miller, and Chrisjen. These three are all archetypes when the story begins: Holden is your typical heroic male lead, Miller is the give-no-fucks detective, and Chrisjen is the manipulative politician.

While Holden unfortunately doesn't grow much beyond his archetype, the other members of the Roci crew quickly become interesting characters to watch and follow. And throughout the season, both Miller and Chrisjen develop more layers, as Miller becomes emotionally invested in Julie Mao's disappearance, and Chrisjen unfolds the conspiracy surrounding her.

Just like the ships and stations that come and go, even the one off characters are well thought out. It's remarkable, really. The best example of this is one of the closest friends of Chrisjen, who only appears in one episode. We learn a lot about him and about their relationship. By the end of the hour, he is such a fully realized character that you are sure he will become recurring.

Gravity

I love the use of gravity (or the lack of it) in The Expanse, and this is something I've seen pointed out on another review. There is a particular moment that is visually striking: a character is beheaded and the blood coming out of his neck agglomerates right above it, forming a big ball of blood where his head used to be. It's a horrifying figure that his friends are stuck with for a while.

The way the characters use the lack of gravity in their favor is really smart. They have these metallic shoes with magnetic properties that they can turn on and off, so they can alternate between walking and floating whenever they need to. They will also do the craziest things in the face of danger, including using their friend's body for impulse – not to worry, they mean no harm. It always leads to exciting moments.

The Mystery

A good ol' slow burn mystery is always engaging when well done, and The Expanse does it well. Chrisjen carries the political side of the mystery, Miller the investigative one, and the Roci crew are the viewers' entry point into the story, the regular Joes who are caught up in the middle of the storm and decide to chase it down.

It all comes together in the final two episodes, and while I wish they had given us more information about the blue energy thing, I understand their choice to leave that particular thread to be further explored in season two.

Ok, there are some flaws...

Is everything perfect with season one? Nope. I never really got into Holden, the main character of the series*, but it's an ensemble show, so that's not much of a problem.

*Steven Strait is not billed first, though, which I find curious.

Miller's investigation is hard to follow sometimes. Many people's names and ship names are dropped one after the other, if you didn't read the book (I didn't) or are not taking notes (I wasn't), you can get a little lost (I did).

The first four episodes are an intense ride and episode six is a wonderful character focused chapter. But episode five and most of the final four put the characters through some obstacles that are nothing more than delaying tactics. My guess is that the writers wanted to break the first book into two seasons, and as a result they ended up stalling things a little bit.

But, really, those are just a few negatives in a season that is filled with positive. The Expanse is worth watching for its world building alone, but it has many other qualities to keep you coming back. If you are a sci-fi fan, this is probably a show you don't want to miss.

Lamounier, who would like to thank a fellow Doux Reviews writer for tweeting about 'The Expanse' a while ago. That's how he heard of the series. He doesn't know for sure who it was, but believes it was Mark Greig. So, thank you, Mark.

[directly-indirect]

Today is a remarkably profound day in American history, and an even more profound day for humankind. After years of delays for perfection, SpaceX has successfully launched its FALCON HEAVY rocket, defying the force of gravity, and make its way onto an elliptical heliocentric orbit near Mars. The payload - Elon Musk's personal midnight cherry red Tesla Roaster, with a dummy named Starman wearing a SpaceX space suit in the driver seat, playing David Bowie's Space Oddity on repeat, with "Don't Panic" (Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy reference) on the screen. This car is set to orbit for the next billion years, or upon destruction. This car has potential to outlive the Earth. Now, this launch is utterly profound for too many reasons to list (although I'll try). First and foremost, this finally begin the tangible reality of the ultimate goal of SpaceX - to make humans an interplanetary species. This rocket has the capability to take humans, to and from Mars. And although this will not be the rocket that does it, it has shown it is possible. Today marked the first move for humans going to Mars from a paper idea, to a pragmatic reality. Furthermore, SpaceX, as a private company has entirely reconfigured space travel by its stupid-simple innovations. To simply, basically, space travel is expensive. Really expensive. Part of this reason was because the first stage and second stage (the most expensive parts of the rocket) would crash down into the ocean after use, rendering it useless. Essentially, this is like getting a new McLaren F1, to drive from NY to Boston, just to throw it away once finished. Obviously, this is extremely economicaly inefficient. However, no agency has actively sought to fix this problem because it was viewed as incorrectable, and because space travel has been dominanted by government agencies.. and as we know, government agencies spend frivolously and often don't care about price. What SpaceX has done to correct this giant problem was devise away to have the first stage booster descend back to Earth, and slowly and surely drop on a pad either on land or on a tracked floating device in the ocean (to understand how preposterous this is, try to imagine a 25 story building, falling from space, landing on a autonomous pad in the ocean that's the size of a football field). This was LONG declared as impossible by numerous scientists and physicists, but despite the odds, a private company has not only managed to do this, but do successfully over 15 straight times. This was viewed IMPOSSIBLE in early 2016. Today, we viewed two boosters simultaneously land with the Falcon Heavy launch - AND these two boosters that were used today were previously recovered ones from past Falcon 9 missions. For record of how much cheaper this has made space travel: Nasa Space Shuttle Launch - cost around 500 million SpaceX Falcon 9 launch - cost around 50 million The other reason why SpaceX has managed to make space travel 450 MILLION dollars cheaper is because of how it make its products. EVERYTHING IN SPACEX (and Tesla, btw) IS MADE IN HOUSE. Everything. Everything made on American soil, by American workers, IN FUCKING HOUSE. It is of course immensely difficult to build a fucking rocket from scratch, but SpaceX has perfected it. Instead of buying a computer from this company (who has to mark up to get a profit) who gets their mother board from this company (who has to mark up to get a profit) who gets their chips from this company (who has to mark up to get a profit) - everything is made IN house. As a quick example on how expensive mark up prices become after running through a few companies - A mass amount RADIOS for Tesla through a company would normally cost around 100,000 dollars, but when Musk's team learned how to perfect it for cheaper, they brought thay price way down to 5, 000 dollars. This in house economic principle has made space travel FAR more plausible for the public then we ever could have imagined. And as SpaceX gets better, prices will continue to plummet. After many stagnant years, there has been little to any innovation in the improvment of space travel. Since 1969 and the Apollo mission to the moon, there has been little for the public to cheer on, with regards to NASA and American space travel. However, SpaceX has given our generation a voice. It has given our generation a profound meaning. Many of us will witness the day when humans set foot on Mars, and many will witness the moment when humans first begin to colonize the red planet. Our generation has something unbelievable to stand behind - not only as a very proud nation, but as a world united. Curiosity and knowledge connects people all over the world, and traveling the cosmos and becoming an interplanetary species will have a uniting effect far greater than any of us can imagine. We are living in a very special time. Days like today will always be remember in American history, demonstrating the amazing capability of determined humans, when curiosity strikes. Lastly, it is also a reminder that many creations today were once rendered as impossible - having a Tesla flying throughout the solar system launched by the most powerful rocket currently in the world is a giant middle finger for all the thousands who have sworn that both Tesla and SpaceX would never ever be able to make it. Both began as startups with a small team of determined workers, both became near bankrupt in 2009, and today, we witness a cherry red Tesla heading into space playing David Bowie to visit the red planet. If that's not motivating, I don't know what is.

[academiablogs]

Learning to Re-Read the Novel

In Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe (1719), often considered the first English novel (as we now define the term), the book opens with the words “I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family...” and ends some two-hundred pages later without a single chapter break or exchange of dialogue. Though one of the most influential books written in English, everything about it now seems hopelessly old-fashioned and a tedious chore for the modern reader (weaned on YA lit, especially) to wade through. For this reason it appears less and less frequently on college syllabi, and not at all in the high school classroom, where it was once enjoyed a popularity similar to—and perhaps even rivaling—Harry Potter.

And yet, the story has all the hallmarks of a modern fantasy tale: a man captured and sold into slavery; a daring escape which eventually leaves him shipwrecked on a deserted island; difficult, painstaking attempts to keep himself alive without a single soul to converse with; and ultimately, the invasion of his island by neighboring Cannibals—and the blood-thirsty Spanish! Crusoe, too, is the model of an engaging narrator: he is completely unreliable as he hides details, fudges facts, and proclaims a miraculous conversion only to forget it a few pages later. I honestly believe more adventure stories, unreliable narrators, and simply great novelists sailed out of Crusoe’s island than any other locale in print.

So why do readers have such problems with Robinson Crusoe? While the older language and slower pace is partly to blame, the most obvious reason is also the most visible: it no longer looks like a novel. Without chapters, most people won’t even wade through a 200-page novel, since we don’t know where to stop to take a breath. And how do characters talk to each other without dialogue quotes and tags? With Crusoe, the entire book is in the narrator’s voice, so he sums up dialogue or else apes their voices in his own, since the story is in the past, as is the dialogue (only the speaker is with us in the present, as we read the story). Defoe takes Crusoe as literally as possible, making the reader think that Crusoe is alive and telling the story right in front of you, on the spot, in a single evening. Indeed, the first editions of the novel omitted Defoe’s name entirely from the cover, attributing it to “Robinson Crusoe of York, Mariner.” How’s that for verisimilitude?

While the early novel wasn’t even a novel, but a modified romance, a story of fiction with realistic embellishments, I’m not sure Defoe would have (or should have) changed a thing. With chapters Crusoe would become too fictionally distant, a work of art rather than a crude, on-the-spot narrative that seems to have washed up in a bottle on storm-tossed seas. The rambling, discursive nature of the work makes it read like an actual document; Defoe even includes Crusoe’s diary entries and his painstaking attempts to plant corn and later on, to discover the identity of a mysterious footprint in the sand (is he imagining it? Was it his own? Is it the Devil?). Even in 1719, Defoe wanted this to look like a real work and not a work of fiction, so he cleverly disguised it to look like a contemporary travel narrative. Readers largely took the bait, finding it the most readable, captivating, and miraculous story of life on the high seas. With a little effort, we can do the same, mindful of the skill it took Defoe (with almost no literary models) to create such a living-and-breathing hero, who in the end isn’t all that heroic.

Reading Robinson Crusoe makes me question the very mechanics of the modern novel itself. Does a novel need chapters? Dialogue? Short paragraphs? Modern language? Glossy covers? A genre? Crusoe frustrates almost all of our conventions of what a novel does, and yet continues to succeed as a work of art on its own terms. Yet imagine if someone tried to write a novel without chapters today? Or if a writer queried a literary agent and admitted, “my book has no genre...it creates its own genre.” For all our talk of diversity and experimentation, today’s readers are wildly orthodox when it comes to what we read and how we do it. It should follow a very rigid formula and basically hit all the marks we’ve come to expect...then we can look for things like novelty or innovation. And yet, form always follows function, so what if a story requires a dramatic break with the past? Wouldn’t some stories benefit from a single, continuous chapter?

For example, imagine a modern Crusoe story...a space pirate who becomes marooned on a hospitable, yet remote moon in a distant solar system. As his technology falls away, he’s forced to rely on the most rudimentary means of survival, including a simple notebook for his daily reflections and fears. In the end he perishes, and all that remains is his book—discovered a thousand years later by an entirely new race of creatures colonizing this forgotten moon. “We” become that race, puzzling over this strange, claustrophobic narrative. Who was this man? What chance did he have? Did he almost make it? Does he have a lesson to teach us from beyond time and space?

Chapters would break up the terror of his existence into ordered, predictable patterns. With each one we would know we’re getting closer to the end, or to some big plot development...after all, each chapter begins and ends with something happening. A series of relentless pages, however, is simply that—the possibility rather than the inevitability of drama. We have no idea what to expect, or when, or how it stops. Andy Weir’s The Martian captured something of this flavor in his terse, hilarious entries of a modern-day Crusoe trying to make something of his existence on Mars. I found every page of it riveting and exciting, since I had no idea where (or how) it ended. In some ways, it was disappointing when he introduced chapter breaks that took us back to Earth and into other people’s perspectives—it became a much more traditional novel. And yet, this had the effect of smashing two fictional worlds together: the realistic, anti-novel of Crusoe with today’s modern genre novel. Whether or not he did this consciously, it’s a bold experiment and only works because he dipped his toe into the waters of Crusoe’s island, at least temporarily.

I would like to read more novels that challenge how we read them...perhaps not drastically, or confusingly, but in small, subtle ways. Why not make dialogue look more natural, more as part of the narrative itself rather than a play script that intrudes upon the story proper? Could chapters function less as plot points or reading breaks than as the arbitrary creation of the narrator(s)? The joy of reading is the same as the thrill of adventure: you want to get where you’re going, but not right away, and not the way you expected. A book should make you lose your bearing a few pages in, so you temporarily worry, and even fear you might never reach the end. That’s how Robinson Crusoe always feels to me, like an adventure in danger of running aground—and it very nearly does several times, thanks not to Crusoe’s incompetence, but Defoe’s artistry. After all, the novel is “novel,” something new and unexpected: the better we think the we know it, the less we should.

[video-drone-blog]

Videodrone: DOOM

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So, because I care about you all, please note: trigger warning here for like...lots and lots of violence. Because DOOM (2016; I’ll refer to the original as DOOM Prime) takes the series’ tradition of pushing the envelope of violence to the extreme limit and past it a bit. 

Unlike the 2003 sequel that attempted to take John Romero and id Software’s classic shareware/early message board classic FPS series into the direction of survival horror, this Bethesda/id team production is definitely an old school shooter at heart. Any sort of scares are of the “yecch” variety, as opposed to true jumpscares, and the surface psychology of the series is definitely shallower than any survival horror game I’ve played. You point, shoot, tear, rend, and otherwise bloodily shoot your way through a demon-infested Mars and the very bowels of Hell itself. It’s Doom Prime with a makeover and it’s incredibly fun.

It’s also smart as hell.

One of the major issues of bringing DOOM to a modern era of gaming is that the original game relied so very little on story that, even compared to relatively evocative show-don’t-tell games like Hotline: Miami or Ikaruga, its lack of narrative development was glaring. Much like Wolfenstein: 3D or Postal, Doom Prime and Doom II were part of a generation of games that literally needed no development of narrative outside of “Well, you’re in a situation...and that situation calls for extreme violence.” No one was playing these games to learn anything or immerse themselves in a world: they were playing them for the action and the crafting therein.

And boy, was Doom Prime well-crafted. If you haven’t played the original Doom games recently, go back and try them -- they’re easy to find online, for free, in various mods and versions that help you play them on modern PCs and laptops. The levels, especially in the original Doom Prime, are just lovingly and incredibly crafted. They’re marks of distinction in terms of level design, difficulty balance, and consistency of aggression. When the game was initially released, its main legacy was that it was incredibly bloody and unredeemably violent. Decades later, it doesn’t seem so bloody or violent, due in part to graphical changes, but the intent holds up: the level design, and the design’s ability to be redone by players made for a building block series of deathmatches, strategizing, and visual language that had never existed before.

DOOM, instead of trying to outdo or redo its predecessor’s quality moments, simply polishes them in every possible way. The graphics shine, of course, and the frenetic quality of the game -- with hyper-violent “glory kills” built into the survival mechanics of the game -- keys into a weird Gaming Id for anyone weaned on the early PC FPS genre. The level design is careful, often nostalgic, and always pushing the limits of difficulty and aggression. In any combat situation, you find yourself using all of the ammo you have in an effort to just get through, frantically trying to survive just a bit longer in the middle of a horde of demons. And while I’ll touch a bit deeper on the game’s sense of architecture and game reference in a future column, I’ll say here that the secrets, collectibles, and challenges in the game turned a 13 hour game into a 24 hour vision quest. So, well done there, devs.

But the most impressive element of the game’s update might be its story. Because while Bethesda and id (under the new ownership of ZeniMax) didn’t reinvent the wheel and simply built upon the blazing speed and intensity of Doom Prime, they decided to make the narrative of the game a bit deeper. There are two ways the narrative of DOOM expands beyond the expectations that its predecessor gives it: first, it openly aligns the problem of a massive demon infestation with capitalist over-reach into the environment. Mining operations on Mars, taken to their absolute extreme as they mine energy from Hell to power the now-colonized Solar System, are taken to their fullest entailments by Dr. Olivia Pierce, who sacrifices her entire base to demons for power. Samuel Hayden, the robot-CEO who awakens you and sends you against Olivia, eventually shows his own commitment to energy over humanity, as he mourns the loss of every piece of technology your death-fueled Doom Marine destroys. Ultimately he betrays your character, setting up a sequel in which demons and Hayden survive and provide a clear opponent for your hyper-powerful single-minded professional killer avatar.

But why does the Doom Marine want to kill demons so badly? Well, as we find out, it’s not any sort of commitment to energy, capital, or science. It’s a pure instinct. Everything you do in-game, from fulfilling objectives, to uncovering secrets or progressing through a map is dedicated to killing demons in efficient and more and more spectacular ways. Your avatar has no interest in the problems of Hayden’s company or energy use on Earth -- he really just wants to kill demons. So, where’s the narrative again?

Well, it’s in the game’s lore. But unlike a lot of games, the lore in DOOM is really thrust into the flow of the game itself, revealing that the Doom Marine is the resurrection of a long-standing lineage of Doom Knights who have been killing demons over millenia. They draw health and energy from the death of demons (as your character does) and they are the only ones who can stand up to the horde of demons in Hell (again, natch). Your character is woken from his tomb not, as in Doom Prime, as a poor marine put in a bad situation, but as an elemental force, mythologized fearfully by the demons trying to kill you, and truly committed to death, bloodshed, and mayhem in the middle of a fully fleshed out, pragmatic, and carefully plotted corporate and spiritual world.

So the Doom Marine becomes more a representation of a force than a man, and as a result justifies the hyper-violence of the game truly as a thematic choice. Doom Prime billed the extremity of its violence as a selling tactic, and don’t get me wrong, DOOM does also. It’s bloody and spares no expense or hint in letting you know. But in thematizing that violence, layering it into the game’s narrative itself and the logic of the game world, DOOM allows its player a license and motivation to kill demons outside of “well it’s fun.” And this motivation not only fits the game, but effectively performs as auto-critique -- this game is violent because you’re literally playing as a remorseless eldritch horror. You are not given choices you might want as a player -- you cannot choose to save the mining operation, you cannot choose to save demons, you cannot give up. You can only move forward, with every reward making it easier for you to kill. The mythology of DOOM both licenses and traps the player then, casting them in a role that is hyper-specialized, a part of the late capitalist spiritualism of Hayden’s mining operation (another topic for a later column).

DOOM knows it is violent, abhorrent, and intense. It revels in this in its design and execution. But it also directs its enthusiasm back on itself -- you can enjoy the game, but you cannot get any depth from your character because, well, there is none there. You’re a throwback protagonist in a fully fleshed out world, forced to be the one motiveless monster in the room, as even the demons have their reasons for doing what they do. You play in DOOM as the remorseless killer that Romero billed in Doom Prime, but you aren’t even given the honor of being “a space marine.” You’re a tool, like any of the guns you use in the game or any of the mining operation you unwittingly save. That Bethesda and id were able to refocus DOOM to cover the complicity of capitalism, the auto-aesthetic-critique of Doom Prime (Stay tuned for my readings of the brilliant retro levels), and a critique of the epic hero narrative is remarkable. What is perhaps even more remarkable is that they did so by enhancing the world around the Doom Marine and radically impoverishing his own inner world. It is no coincidence that the iconic “face damage” of Doom Prime is missing in DOOM. 

There is no face; the only thing you get is the facemask, a black mirror with nothing looking back. No Gods; No Heroes; Only Money and Demons. DOOM is a fantasia of late capitalism, a fitting critique of the Trump era in which it is produced. Candy that’s enjoyable but cannot be enjoyed -- the most fun game of the year that doesn’t want you to enjoy yourself too much, DOOM is worthy of serious study in a way that an FPS perhaps never has been.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #355

“despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage”

Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? No, only as a kid. What kind of pizza toppings do you like? Meats or jalapenos. When did you first take a shot of alcohol? Never, and I'm not interested. Did you babysit for money when you were in middle school? No. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne, since middle school. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes. Not the one I currently live in. Have you ever been to a spa? Only because my friend at the time took me. When talking on the phone, do you place it against your left or right ear? My right. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos one. Do you like Bob Marley? NO. Omg his voice is awful. Have you ever eaten at Golden Corral? Yeah. I'm not a big fan. Do you sit and eat dinner at the same table with your family? We only ever do that if my sister is over (she comes for dinner once a week). Are you listening to any music right now? If so, what are you listening to? Yeah, Violet Orlandi's cover of "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing Pumpkins. God she's so beautiful and talented and asdfjkaljddkfjlwkee FUCK I'm gay for her. Who was the last person to make you genuinely smile? Watching Mark. :') Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t/won’t? Yeah. Do you like men who have a sensitive side? Yes. Please be in touch with your emotions, for the love of God. Have you ever tried to get someone into a certain band/artist? Not persistently, no, but Mini is a case where me mentioning them enough got her to listen to them. Metallica, by the way. They're her favorite band because of mwah, haha. Have you ever carved you and someone else’s initials into a tree? It's possible, but I don't believe so. Do you like Dairy Queen? Love it. They're Oreo Cupfection thing is BOMB. Is there anyone you know with an amazing personal success story? Yes. I have a friend Shannen who first was a widely-recognized photographer in the state, and now she's a fashion designer (or something like that) up in New York. Is there a song in a different language that you can sing? A number of Rammstein songs. How do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? So long they're well-made for safety reasons, I don't care much. They do seem a bit unnecessary, though; like just look at James Hetfield's accident that burned half his body because of standing in the wrong place. It seems easy to fuck up and get in a dangerous range. Ever fallen down a hole? No. Do you like bananas? Yeah. How long do you normally spend in the shower? Not even 10 minutes, usually. I've never understood how people can take such long showers. Have you ever been a featured member on any website? Yeah, on a Silent Hill fansite. Have you ever had any weird pets? Not by my standards. A ball python morph is as "weird" as it gets. Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? Nope. Have you ever experienced insomnia? Ugh, yes. I went through a horrible insomnia spell, and I still have an awful time trying to fall asleep. Do you like egg nog? Nooo. Would you ever wear Converse with a prom/formal dress? I'm not opposed to it, but realistically I'd probably wear something more traditionally suiting just because. Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? Without. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? I've cried all the oceans over just one lol. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? Being a mortician actually doesn't sound awful, weird as it sounds. It sounds almost relaxing if I could just be alone with some music doing my job. Would rather be a musician or a painter? A painter. Would you rather write your own book or make your own movie? I'd love to write a book. At home, do you have a trampoline? No. When you are about to go to bed, do you put on some sort of noise? No. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas. And what about your favorite Christmas song? Probably "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" or whatever it's called. "Carol of the Bells" too, of course. What is your ultimate favorite stocking stuffer? Haha, okay so it seems to be an unspoken rule that Mom always gets us Slim Jims for our stockings, and that's obviously the best considering my sisters and I loooove them yet still don't buy them much. You're making me ready for Christmas, lol. After Halloween, do you sort out all of your candy into little piles? I did as a kid, and then my sisters and I would trade what we preferred. When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? It's honestly pretty loud. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Cold pizza from dinner leftovers last night. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Our late boxer mix, Cali. She was a big 'ole pup. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. Out of everything currently in your refrigerator, what food or drink is your favorite? Food: strawberries. Drink: Mountain Lightning. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Either when I skinned my knees so deep that pus was visible, or when I fainted onto my chin and got a short, but very deep cut. Do you like the taste of cough syrup? No. What is something you like to have conversations about? I like talking about deep stuff, like where we came from, our unique feelings and beliefs, conspiracy theories and cryptids, mysterious stuff like that, too. And don't forget animals. And Mark, haha. What all is in the trunk of your car? I don't have a car, and I don't remember what's in Mom's trunk, even though I helped bring in groceries just the other day. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? Ew, no. Is your heat or air conditioning currently on? Our AC is currently on because it's too damn hot. The weather here has been so up and down, it's wild. Have you ever fallen off of a horse? No. Which do you value more, your appearance or your intelligence? Honestly? I'd be dumber than I already am if it meant being happy with how I look, because my appearance now is a key factor to my depression. When was the last time you drove something other than a car or truck? Oh jeez... I have no idea. I don't think since I've driven a golf cart at someone's b-day party as a kid. Were your grandparents present when you were born? No. If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? I don't smoke, and I only have a drink or two very rarely, usually just on special occasions. What do you think of fast food? I like it way more than I wish I did. What website do you spend the most time on and why? YouTube, because I'm always listening to and/or watching something. What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? In one non-stop setting, I don't want to know. I pretty much only exist on the computer. When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? Mountainous, loads of nature, cooler/cold, mysterious locations... stuff like that. Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? If we learn from our goddamn mistakes and not fuck up its environment, it could be healthy or even life-saving for humanity, but I'd prefer to stay on Earth as long as possible. What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? I dunno, maybe at Disney World or something like that as a kid. What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? Physical health stuff. I'm worried about a lot of things relating to that. What about something unimportant, but you can’t stop thinking about it? I don't know about "unimportant," at least to me. Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? Yeah. I only really eat the cinnamon apple ones; I always use milk and sprinkle some sugar in there, and it's delicious. What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? When Mom and I stopped at Jason's house to bring the family some treats following his mother's death. I stayed in the car and couldn't even look towards the house, but yeah. So many memories just stampeded me. How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? I pay zero attention to it; I don't believe they have influence over people in any way. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? I guess you could say World of Warcraft. It's definitely the most involved, like I've been playing it almost consistently since 2014, and I used to be in a Heroic raid team, which certainly wasn't easy. Then there's some achievements I busted my ass to get. Which accent do you find most sexy, alluring or appealing? British is where it's at. Which accent do you find most annoying, disturbing, or bothersome? Extremely Southern ones. Can you cry on cue? Is it any kind of useful? No. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Embarrassingly, it frequently does. Can you wear socks to bed or does it annoy you? Ugh, I could never. I hate the feeling of socks. Have you ever bleached your hair? By myself, no, but a professional has to dye it. Do you like jelly beans? They're okay. It really depends on the flavor, and even then I can't eat a lot of them. Do you have trouble sleeping when it’s storming? Yes, but not because it scares me, but rather that I'm just jumpy. Subtle thunder isn't so bad, and I LOVE the drone of heavy rain, but once you add booming thunder and strong flashes of lightning, it's too disruptive for me to fall asleep easily. Who was the last person you know that graduated? (high school or college) My not-so-little sister is just about to finish her Master's lakdsjfakwe I'm so proud of her. Were you happy or sad when you found out your babysitter was coming? I think I was always kinda bummed out, even though I liked my babysitters. I had horrible separation anxiety from my mom. Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I did have this one guy who'd been like obsessed with me since pre-k and would always chase me to hug and kiss me. In pre-k it was awful, but he still did it sometimes in kindergarten, despite the teachers getting on him about it. It's actually a memory I forgot for a very long time, like I think my brain tried to oppress it, and I wonder if it has anything to do with my fear of people standing behind me, men specifically, and being raped. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? Oh yes, I was obsessed! Who was your best friend in elementary school? It jumped between Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? YESSSSS. I even had the computer game. Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. I'd put them on my dresser everywhere to the point it was absolutely covered. Did you get an allowance? No. Not because my parents didn't want to or anything, but rather they couldn't afford allowances to three kids. Were you into American Girl dolls? Nah. I got one, but I think it was mostly so my sisters and I each had our own. Nicole, however, was sooooo into them. Were you friends with your childhood neighbors? Some, yeah, especially the boy down my street named D'Andre. We would hang out ALL the time, be it at each other's houses or just riding our bikes. He actually got married very recently and I'm so happy for him, ahhhhh!! What was your biggest fear when you were a kid? Thunderstorms. Did you ever play the "Reader Rabbit" computer games? Oh my god, YES. The one where you were hosting a surprise birthday party was my absolute favorite. Did your parents let you drink soda growing up? Yes. .-. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Chocolate, of course.

[oneshul]

Nitzavim: And the universe spun on….

You stand this day, all of you, before the LORD your GOD—every man and woman of Israel…from the woodcutters to the water-drawers—to enter into the Covenant with the LORD your GOD…. And not with you alone do I enact this Covenant, with those who are standing with us this day, but also with those [future and past generations of Israelites] who are not standing with us this day…to study this Torah, and to perform it.

                                                    --Deut. 29:9-14 (translation mine)

  A Report from Warsaw, Poland, during World War I:

There were a great many wagons and coaches parked, but with no drivers in sight. …A young Jewish boy showed me…to the shtibl (prayerhouse) of the Jewish wagon-drivers (Yiddish, balagoolas). [There were] two rooms: one filled with Talmud volumes, the other a room for prayer. All the drivers were engaged in fervent study and religious discussion…I found out…that all professions, the bakers, the butchers, the shoemakers, etc., have their own shtibl in the Jewish district, and every free moment [they can take] off from their work is given to the study of the Torah. And when they get together in intimate groups, one urges the other: ‘Zog mir ah shtickl Torah—Teach me a little Torah.’

Chabad House at Stanford University, Retrieved from https://www.chabadstanford.org/article.htm?Torah-Study-70

  The Talmud-Study Society of Galaxy Andromeda M31

  Sept. 25, 2736—22 Elul, 6502

            As NASA Space Flight Engineer Mordechai Kahn eased through the tunnel of USS Space Cruiser Ticonderoga IV, its airlock doors hissed closed behind him. He was careful to touch and kiss the mezuzah that NASA Space Regulations (Section XXIII, Subset 432, Lines 6-9) required of all Jewish Personnel Religio-Capsules. Unlike earthly mezuzote, this one was permanently sealed in plastilex; it might not have been acceptable to the extremely religious, but it was necessary in space, so as not to allow alien microbes to devour  the parchment and vegetable-based ink.

            As the only Jewish member of the Interstellar Expedition to Starform Epsilon 4943AA, and Conservadox at that, Mordechai could not let a day go by without performing the mitzvah-commandment of daily Torah study b’chavruta—with his study partners. As the only Jew on the Ticonderoga, he could not do this face-to-face, but Star Ship Command, based on the Moon (in the System containing Old Earth, which centuries of pollution and global warming had rendered uninhabitable; hence, all these expeditions to find new planets for humanity to colonize) had handily supplied him with a handy list of other practicing Jews who wished to remotely study Space Talmud. This enabled him to fulfill the mitzvah.

            Mordechai knew also that there were interested gentile scholars: a Catholic monk and plant geneticist, Father William Mendel, on Saturn’s largest moon, Titan, would often participate when his schedule permitted. There was also a Buddhist, George Freeh Rinpoche, a lexicographer based on Pluto who was writing a Romulan-English lexicon, would “relax his mind,” as he put it, by joining in.

            Mordechai enjoyed their insights, but he was happiest when he could effect an Einsteinian Hologram Linkup with Eliezer Bokospeichik, the youngest son of Grand Rabbi Menachem Mendel Bokospeichik, who was head of the Maldemer Chasidim, a sect that, after early sensing the ensuing destruction of Old Earth, had contracted with an Israeli aerospace firm to build a Space Ark large enough to float them to Mars. There, they engaged in converting the Martians, marrying them Jewishly, and raising their children in the faith. They were, sadly, finding it difficult to do so; at least, according to Jewish Law—the Martian Race had three genders.

            Back over Epsilon, Mordechai eased into his Study Seat and belted himself in, put on his kipah-skullcap and pulled its elasto-band under his chin. To create the sensation of complete engagement with his study partners, his personal rebbe, Moshe Rochev-Kochav, head of the Otto Lilienthal Yeshiva, had ruled that he must learn under Deep Space conditions, without any artificial gravity. Mordechai donned his Hologram-Helmet and adjusted its View Screen to allow images of his study partners to appear. He was also praying to the Jewish God of all the Cosmos that his other chavruta-partner, Charlie Levine, a navigator on Starship Jules Verne VII, be available—Charlie had promised to change his work schedule to allow time for Torah.

            Flicking at the panel of switches and dials before him, and noting the position of the brightest star in his corner of Andromeda M31, Mordechai sent out a homing signal to his chavruta, study partners. There was a soft humming, and then, a slight ringing noise as he made contact, first, with Eliezer—Mordechai muttered a soft prayer; Eliezer’s insights were really, well, insightful.

            As for Charlie? Hmm—no luck, today. But, wait! Yes—no—the homing signal flashed into space, and found no receiver. Shoot. Oh, well.

            “Eliezer, do you read me? Prepare for hologram-transmission,” said Mordechai.

            “Up and running, Chaver Mordechai,” came Eliezer’s voice.

            “Coordinates two-two-zero-fourteen.”

            “I read,” said Eliezer.

            “And lock.”

            The image of his chavruta-partner, Eliezer, appeared in Mordechai’s Hologram-Helmet viewfinder. Eliezer smiled: he was seeing Mordechai, as well.

            “Shalom Aleichem!”

            “Aleichem Shalom!”

            “Nu, vosmacht ah Yid? (How’s a Jew doing?)”

            “Not bad. Just lonely. Shall we begin?”

            “Yes!—I’m on Talmud Kiddushin Chalal, the Tractate of Space-Marriage,Folio 2, Side One. I will read and translate, from the Sparamaic:

            “’The 23rd Century Mishnah states: “A Venusian female organism may be acquired in five ways: via money—that is, Martian drachmae; a contract—etched only on the leaf of a Boddhi-tree; or coimplantment—by one other Venusian, male only. There are also the choices implanted via thought-processes: implant-mental-chip, General Electrons issue; Freedom of Will from the Creator. And she acquires herself back in two ways.

            “The 24th Century Gemara explains: “Via money—that is, according to Plutonian Rabbi Lychus: a Plutonian drachma. According to Jupiterian Rabbi Hyle: a Jupiterian dinar. And she acquires herself back in two ways: through a writ of divorce, as enacted in a Space Command Jewish Bet Din Law Court, or through the Departure-from-Life-Form of her Male Counterpart.”

            “Wow!” breathed Mordechai, “What an amazing piece of Talmud this is! What does New Rashi say?”

            New Rashi was the commentary of one Rabbi Shinar ben Yisrael, a Mercury-born Jew-by-Choice who, stranded on Pluto’s moon Styx after his exploratory voyage crashed there back in 2527, had lots of time to write an extensive commentary on the entire Space Talmud, storing it on a Logo Drive and launching it back to Earth. It had become the Universal Space Talmud Commentary, noted both for its ease of usage and depth of knowledge. Rabbi Shinar, known by the acronym NewRashi, was regarded as the 26th Century’s Prince of Commentators.

            “Well, let’s see,” said Eliezer, “how much time for Torah-study have you got?”

            “At least five parsec-lengths,” said Mordechai.

            “That should give us time to get up to the mental-chip section,” said Eliezer.

            “I love this!” said Mordechai.

            “Hey, what does God say about Torah?” laughed Eliezer, far-off in the deep reaches of Space, “’It is not in heaven, that you should say, “Who shall go off, and fetch it for us?”

            “’Nor is it in the depths of the sea!’”Mordechai chimed in, “’It is as near as the nearest hologram-transmitter!’”

            And the universe spun on….

Rabbi David Hartley Mark is from New York City’s Lower East Side. He attended Yeshiva University, the City University of NY Graduate Center for English Literature, and received semicha at the Academy for Jewish Religion. He currently teaches English at Everglades University in Boca Raton, FL, and has a Shabbat pulpit at Temple Sholom of Pompano Beach. His literary tastes run to Isaac Bashevis Singer, Stephen King, King David, Kohelet, Christopher Marlowe, and the Harlem Renaissance. Rabbi David Hartley Mark is from New York City’s Lower East Side. He attended Yeshiva University, the City University of NY Graduate Center for English Literature, and received semicha at the Academy for Jewish Religion. He currently teaches English at Everglades University in Boca Raton, FL, and has a Shabbat pulpit at Temple Sholom of Pompano Beach. His literary tastes run to Isaac Bashevis Singer, Stephen King, King David, Kohelet, Christopher Marlowe, and the Harlem Renaissance.

[consciousowl]

Why Mars Matters

As far as the stars are from us, so far are we from where we started. As far away as they are now, so will we be then.​

-Eyvind Earle, Celebrated American Painter

Remember Ridley Scott’s stunning feature, The Martian, starring Matt Damon as Astronaut Mark Watney. It is 2035. Due to a dusty super storm, a crew to the distant planet has no choice but to leave Mars early. At the last moment, botanist Mark Watney gets separated from his crew, fatally disabled. The rocket blasts off on its way back to earth without the slightest clue Mark is still alive. The drama unfolds how one severely injured, but fiercely determined, astronaut gathers his wits in the home base and step by step figures out how to hold out, even though he has but a few days of rations. As a professional botanist, Mark succeeds in growing his own little crop of potatoes, as well as getting the station’s radio transmission back up to alert the folks back home. Before the end, Mark, thinking he is about to die, conveys to his family that the mission was worthwhile, as he served something bigger than himself. Mars colonization must go on. Mark’s improbable rescue makes him a celebrated cause, uniting all humanity.

Colonizing Mars: Moving from Science Fiction to Science Fact

You felt exhilarated by this heartwarming story, yet you supposed it to be only science fiction. For decades, we have heard weird accounts of UFO landings while NASA remained stalled in the Shuttle program. Yet something has dramatically changed. In the last 50 years, we learned an immense amount about our solar system and have actually mapped out the terrain on Mars even better than Earth, due to the vast amount of earth covered by ocean. Mars is over 30 million miles away, with one-third our gravity. No oxygen in the atmosphere, and the temperatures 100 degrees below zero. We now have highly sophisticated sensor technology, super-refined telescopes and greatly enhanced rocket technology. Thanks to Elon Musk’s Space X, we now can reuse the booster rockets, shrinking the costs involved. What would normally take nine months can now be done in less than three months. Elon envisions it taking just 30 days.

Then and Now: Space Race and Space X

Back in the 1960’s, there were only two players, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., rationalizing the huge effort and expense of a moon landing to establish the lead in the ideological Cold War. Today, there is not only America and Russia, but also the European Union and China. When NASA successfully completed its first Apollo moon landing, its total computing power was less than what you enjoy in your smart phone today. Now, with A.I., robotics, drones and mobile computing, we are vastly more sophisticated, even when the journey is not simply 186,000 miles from Earth, as in the case of the moon. In the 1960’s, the U.S. committed tens of billions of dollars, or 5% of its total budget, to NASA. Today, that same budget is only 0.5%, or one tenth as much. When the billionaire, Elon Musk, built up Space X, he used his own money. His impressive achievements have not cost the taxpayers a single cent!

What Would It Take for You to Actually Live on Mars?

If you listen to Elon Musk spell out his vision, you might think you were hearing Henry Ford sketch out the mass production of automobiles. Even though self-taught, Elon has got it down to a science by hiring the best people in the world. He is building a massive rocket with 60 engines that will transport a large team in style.

The sticking point is what you would do once you got there. You would have to develop the facilities from scratch. It would take flight after flight to build up a base. Mars’ distance from earth varies drastically. Your window opens up only once in two years. If you step outside and rip your spacesuit, you could die in seconds. Imagine going to live on Antarctica for a couple years. Would you pay to do it? Of course not! Would you do it with all expenses paid and $100,000 per year? Or would you need all expenses paid and more like $1 million per year. Or, would no amount of many make you want to sign up for such a suicidal mission where the weather would make Siberia look like a warm summer’s day?

Are You Ready to Abandon Everything You Love?

One of the first lunar astronauts gazed back at earth with a stupendous love for our planet. He realized that everything that made life worthwhile lay on its surface. Without frames or boundaries, our world is beautiful beyond imagination when seen from outer space. If you joined a Mars expedition at a low-ball price, say $100,000, you would come to realize that there was a high-probability of a mishap along the way, even before you stepped onto Martian soil. Just think of the Challenger disaster under President Reagan. The capsule blew up a large crew with the whole world watching. The early pilgrims to Planet Mars will need to be made of hearty stock, as tough as the Puritans that settled New England, braving the first freezing winter, and celebrating the First Thanksgiving the following spring with Native Americans. To use a Boy Scout metaphor, no Tender Feet… just Eagle Scouts!

Challenge Awakens the Human Spirit Like Nothing Else

Something has shifted since the early 1970’s, when we shrunk from outer space, totally spooked that there was life nowhere else. With the advent of high technology, developed out of the Space Program, humanity created new eyes to see the Universe. Highly sophisticated telescopes could look into the furthest galaxy with spectacular vision. Increasing evidence of water, the very basis of life, is found in planets and moons throughout our solar system. Many planets in other star systems fall within the critical “Goldilocks Zone.” We are growing from children to at least teenagers in our space explorations. We can now envision future scenarios in incredible detail. As all good metaphysicians know, the more intricate and elaborate the vision, the more likely it will manifest.

When you step away from watching The Martian, you feel, not depressed, as you did with the film, Interstellar, but exhilarated. Your gut will tell you it’s coming. It is only a question of when. Maybe there are alternatives to global warming being our swan song. Maybe humanity is destined for something truly great. The world now, more than ever, needs a powerful, positive vision. Though global warming is most definitely an “Inconvenient Truth,” it does not inspire us. Settling Mars and building up a city of a million people, in line with Elon Musk’s vision, most certainly does. In the ancient tale of the Tower of Babel, humanity tried to build a tower to the sky to throw God down off His thrown. However, if we collectively build a tower to the sky in communion with our Source, nothing shall be impossible for us. You will no longer look like a fool to plan a future literally out of this world!

Are you ready?

The post Why Mars Matters appeared first on ConsciousOwl.com.

[katrinaneenie]

The idea of space travel has always been an intriguing idea; but, in the more recent years, this idea has become a fact.  For years, probes and satellites have been sent to Space to study and learn more about Earth’s neighboring planets. Recently, there are constant reports of a project to colonize Mars. Some scientists believe it may even happen by 2030.  An example of how excited people are about this whole idea of space travel, one only has to look at Twitter.

The growing number of accounts devoted to space exploration increases every day. As a matter of fact, a Tweet, on April 12th, celebrated The International Day of Human Space Fight. It celebrates the first manned space flight by Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin back in 1961. He was in orbit for 108 minutes with only twelve of his twenty-four rockets. The other twelve exploded at take off. It’s a miracle he made back alive. With the success of Gagarin’s space flight, stories by science fiction writers like Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein and Verne slowly morphed into facts.

Regardless of the numerous space exploration accounts on Twitter, NASA’s Twitter account is still the best one to give you a front row seat to the wonders of space. They tweet live video of astronauts walking and floating in space; and, by the way, they still use Velcro up there. I know because I heard them asking an astronaut to check his Velcro feed. I had to ask the obvious; so, I tweeted the question: You still use Velcro?  Someone tweeted back that NASA invented it.  I tweeted back: I know but that was over fifty years ago.

I doubt that I will be going to Mars in this lifetime; but, I can still imagine it and enjoy it vicariously by watching Sci-Fi movies. So, I want to thank to Debbie Vega for hosting The Outerspace Film Blogathon. I can read reviews of various space movies and then make a list of one’s I still need to see. There are several wonderful Sci-Fi movies that have been reviewed for this blogathon, just click on the link below to find the ones you would like to watch:

https://debravega.wordpress.com/2018/02/04/announcing-the-outer-space-on-film-blogathon/

Speaking of great movies about space, I truly enjoyed Sandra Bullock’s Oscar-winning performance in Gravity. However, this is not the movie I chose to review. No, I wanted to review another Oscar-winning actress, Jane Fonda, in a Space movie released during one of the most tumultuous years in American history, Barbarella (1968). This year is its 50th Anniversary since the release. Like all science fiction movies, it helped lead the way in special effects technology while subtlety making social commentary. For this particular film, I believe the social commentary involved the philosophy: Make love and not war. It’s plot driven, like most science fiction movies of that time, by using high-tech gadgets to stop world domination by mad scientist.

Bridgitte Bardot

Barbarella Comic Book

Jane Fonda as Barbarella

Barbarella is based on a comic book character by French creator Jean– Claude Forest for the French V Magazine.  It was a series of comic strips from 1962 to 1964.  Then, it was published as a comic book in 1964.  It was considered extremely scandalous at the time.  It was labeled as the first adult erotica in the comic book format. Of course, that is not true; but, it did become infamous from this hoopla. Forest claimed the image of the character of Barbarella was based on French actress, bombshell, Bridgitte Bardot.

This science fiction movie is the first feature film that came from the comics. There were other films like Flash Gordon and Buck Rodgers; but, they were serials. Meaning, they often ended in cliffhangers where you would continue the story in a few weeks in a different film from the series.  Barbarella was directed by Fonda’s French husband Roger Vadim (m. 1965 -1973). Fonda was 30 years old when she made this film. Later, in the same year the movie was released, they had a child, Vanessa, named after actress Vanessa Redgrave. Barbarella did not become a cult classic until it was re-released in 1977.

Barbarella is an intergalactic space agent/spy in the 401st century; yet, her character mirrors 20th century, secret agent, James Bond.  For instance, Bond saves the world from a crazy evil genius while he accommodates women who want sex; and, he has the latest spy gadgets. She travels in deep space in a ship that has an interior completely covered in shag carpet.

Before Barbarella receives her orders from the President of Earth, she had just awaken from a deep space sleep. While she peels off her space suit, bouncing off shag interior,  She ends up totally naked. It’s at that moment she get the telecommunication.  The communication is similar to a Skype (participants can see each other) When she attempts to cover herself, the President of the Earth tells not to bother because the message is urgent. Of course, he is ogling her. This puts the letter “C” in the word creepy. Obeying orders, Barbarella moves forward to receive the message.

I wonder if Mike Myers was influenced by this movie when he made the Austin Powers swinging 60s movies? There is so much shag and shagging in both movies. The shag or shagging would definitely influenced Powers in being “randy” most of the time; and, Miss Shagwell, herself, (Heather Graham) kind of resembles Barbarella. Oh well, maybe, or maybe not?

As far as shagging goes, Barbarella encounters aliens from various planets who want to have some kind of sex; and, she accommodates them while she is saving planets from total destruction from evil genius Dr. Duran Duran’s (Milo O’Shea) the inventor of the Positronic Ray. This weapon will unleashed evil into the universe.

Movie Poster

The kicker is Barbarella comes from Earth where physical sex is obsolete. Centuries ago, people found it messy and too distracting. To have sex in AD 40,001, you match your psychocardiogram (?) with someone else. Then, they take an “Exultation Transference” pellet. As they touch each other’s hands to finger tips, rapture is accomplished within 30 seconds. So, civilized! However, it is probably not as much fun either.

Unfortunately for Barbarella, just as she begins to appreciate the fun part of having messy and distracting sex, with Mark Hand – the Catchman, (Ugo Taognazzi), she later meet another alien, Dildano (David Hemmings) who insists on taking the “Pellet.” A few other aliens worth mentioning is professor Ping (Marcel Marceau), Pygar (JohnPhillip Law) the Birdman/angel, and The Great Tyrant (AnitaPallenberg).

  I wonder if Mike Myers used some ideas from this movie in portraying Austin Powers swinging 60s. The space ship’s interior is completely covered in “shag” carpet. Shag or shagging definitely influenced Powers’ being “randy” most of the time; and, Miss Shagwell, herself, (Heather Graham) kind of resembles Barbarella.

Pygar is a blind birdman who befriends Barbarella and becomes her flying Uber in order to find Duran, Duran.  While Barbarella and Pygar search for Duran, Duran, Professor Ping tries to fix her crashed spaceship.  During the whole movie Barbarella finds herself in perilous situations.  Luckily, there’s always an escape; until, Duran Duran captures her and places her in the “Excessive Orgasmic Machine.”  This is Duran Duran’s ultimate killing machine: you are “pleasured to death.”  I have to applaud Fonda’s professionalism. Her faked orgasm looked like the real thing.  She didn’t fake an over the top orgasm like a porn star; and, she didn’t fake a funny orgasm like Meg Ryan in Harry Met Sally (1989).

To be honest, I was too young to watch this movie when it first came out 1968. So, I didn’t see it; until, a few years ago on HBO.  In the 21st century, this movie seems pretty tame compared to movies and television shows today.  Even so, I was still a little hesitant to watch it because, quite frankly, I thought it would be a waste of time. Happily, I can honestly say that it wasn’t a waste of time. I laughed all the way through this entertaining film. Yes, it is CAMPY! So campy, that it is listed among The 100 Most Amusing Bad Movies Ever Made receiving the Golden Raspberry Award. 

What possessed a successful actress, like Fonda, to make this movie? Her husband? The part of Barbarella was turned down by several actresses before Fonda accepted it. Sophia Loren and Virna Lisi turned it down. When United Artists offered it to Lisi, she terminated her contract and returned to Italy.

Years ago, I had heard Fonda say that this movie was an embarrassment for her and because of that she never watched it. Like everything else in this life, things change. Just before, she and British actress Helen Mirren presented the 2018 Oscar for Best Actor to Gary Oldman (Darkest Hour), Fonda compliments the production design in the Dolby Theater: How about these sets? Aren’t these great sets? They’re just like the Orgasmatron in Barbarella. That’s what they look like.

Apparently, years after it was released, Fonda finally did watch her movie. In interviews, she claims the film surprised her because she actually enjoyed watching it.  Fonda turned 80 years young this year. She has lived long enough to reflect and examine the decisions and actions she has made in her life. In other words, she has learned a lot and is still learning.  Like all of us, she has made mistakes and through those mistakes, she has made changes to make her life even better.

However, there is probably one mistake that will haunt her to the day she dies. Her misguided trip to North Vietnam near the end of the war. She regrets going there, now. Her intentions were right: Doing what she could to help end America’s longest war and bring our boys home. She didn’t understand, at the time, how her actions would be interpreted by both sides. Since then, she has repeatedly apologized to American service personnel who saw her actions as traitorous. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to forgive.

The events of 1968 forever changed America: The assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and  Robert F Kennedy, North Korea capture of the USS Pueblo with 83 crewmen aboard, protesters at the Chicago Democratic Convention, the Tet Offensive which was a surprise attack on US troops during a truce with North Vietnam, the Olympic protests (fists in the air) that resulted with two American athletes (Tommie Smith and John Carlos) losing their medals, and Richard Nixon wins the Presidential election.  All of this and more happened in the space of one year while at the same time bombs explode on college campuses around the country in protest against the war.

By 1968, seven years had passed since Yuri Gagarin completed his famous space flight. Sadly, 1968 was the year that he was tragically killed in a mysterious Mig 15 plane crash. Yet, despite these numerous sad events, there was still some outstanding successes and accomplishments.

Just to name a few with a “Space Travel” focus,  Apollo 8 will successfully orbit the moon. By 1969, man will walk on the Moon. In addition, Television show, Star Trek, had telecast, before millions of shocked viewers, the first “scripted” interracial kiss in the United States. Captain Kirk will kiss his communication officer, Lieutenant Uhura (William Shatner and Nichelle Nichols).  Remember, this was at a time when most white America was still adjusting to the Civil Rights movement and ending segregation.

Besides Apollo 8 and the first interracial kiss, Space Travel never looked so good as it did with another Sci Fi film released in 1968.  This is the iconic 2001: A Space Odyssey. It was directed by Stanley Kubrick and written by Arthur C. Clarke. This was like no other Sci Fi film before. It was an art film with a philosophical base weaved within the plot. This film gave audiences a more realistic portrayal of space travel that included the dangers and some technological threats.  Because of this, space movies, like Star Wars and Star Trek, were enabled to become big movie blockbusters with huge budgets and mind-boggling technological special effects.

Barbarella is a fun movie. What it lacks in sophistication, it makes up for in its innocent portrayal of an emancipated woman. It also reminds us how far women have progressed and how much farther they need to go. I think science fiction writer Robert J. Sawyer said it best: A science fiction writer should try to combine the intimately human with the grandly Cosmic. Barbarella is not a science fiction writer; but, this film definitely combines the intimately human with the grandly Cosmic… to perfection.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x7c6wKQ9fuU

REFERENCE LINKS:

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0062711/

https://debravega.wordpress.com/2018/02/04/announcing-the-outer-space-on-film-blogathon/

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/may/21/jane-fonda-youth-plastic-surgery-sex-cannes

https://m.ranker.com/review/barbarella/541352?ref=wiki_2636556

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jane-fonda-wish-i-hadnt-31-03-2005/2/

Outer Space Blogathon! The Year was 1968: Barbarella and Space Exploration The idea of space travel has always been an intriguing idea; but, in the more recent years, this idea has become a fact.