#when companies make a high quality expensive thing

[notwhelmedyet]

I have finished Mission Mitten Repair aka Shitty Faux Leather Can Go Die Actually

so I got these lovely down mittens as a gift a few years ago, because I have reynauds syndrome and perennially cold fingers. They're very warm but the faux leather (or maybe bonded leather?) on the inside palms started desintegrating last year, leaving a trail of microplastics everywhere I went. Not great. They were expensive and I didn't want to chuck them, but the palmless mittens were no longer waterproof and not nearly as warm.

commence Mission Mitten Repair! Disassembling the mittens to redo the palms would have been a pain and a half so I decided to just applique another layer on top. I bought a bit of real leather (kangaroo, both bc I could find affordable offcuts in a convenient size and because it's known for being thin/flexible), scraped off all the flaking plastic I could, made pattern pieces that fit nicely over the palms & thumb, and then used the sewing machine to make stitching holes.

And then it was a week of hand sewing to get these babies back in business. It went. So. Slowly. I had to use a pair of pliers to pull the needle through on each stitch. The second mitten went much faster once I realized I could do this work while watching movies 😂

And now I have waterproof mittens again! It's very satisfying making something functional once again >:)

[sampilled]

I can defend Taylor for a lot but I cannot!!! Defend her merch

[weaselle]

Let's talk chef knives

somebody in the comments on a cooking post is talking to me about knives and i figure, why not make a whole post about it

I worked in restaurants for two decades, and that means i was mostly too poor to buy expensive knives.. but i did learn EXACTLY what i was looking for in a knife, and eventually i did spend about $150 on one.

Now, you can easily spend $500 or more on a chef knife if you are the kind of person who cares about having the chef knife equivilent of a porche or lamborghini and i don't think many of you are looking for that, so I'm going to tell you what i looked for in my really-good-but-not-too-expensive chef knife

First of all, you don't need that block set of knives you see in like every kitchen ever. You know, this thing

You don't need that. Listen, theoretically each of those knives has a specific thing it is used for, but in all the restaurants i worked at, 99.9% of the stuff i did was done with one of these

We didn't go looking for a specific kind of knife, we just used one of these -- often a bunch of those were all that was provided. I uh, i didn't work at a lot of high end restaurants. But even in the nicer ones, most of what we used was a chef's knife.

So. In my opinion, instead of spending $100-$200 on a bunch of kind of shitty knives, spend the same money on one really nice chef knife, and a wetstone or some other sharpener you feel you can use. But really, like, just look at a wetstone tutorial on youtube, it's not hard, and it will make your life better.

NOW let me tell you what i looked for in my knife

This is the knife i use. It's a six inch Zwilling Pro

if you shop around, you can probably find it for close to 100 bucks. It's not Fancy™, it's just Quite Good. You can, if you want, find a chef knife for a couple grand, and that plastic-handled one in the first pic will run you less than ten dollars, so, this is a pretty good price point, on the low side of middle, with a knife quality on the high side of middle. If you take care of this knife, it could last you your whole life

Now let's talk about specific features I was looking for. First, inb4, metal quality. Zwilling is a good company, so the quality of their actual metal is pretty decent, and that's all you really need to know -- if you're getting your knife from a known decent knife company it's probably good enough quality. In this case Zwilling uses forged high-carbon German steel, which are some good key words to look for. That's all i have to say about that.

Now there are four specific things i was looking for that led me to choose this specific knife

1

Depth. This refers to how far the heel of the blade juts out from the handle (the heel of the blade is the part of the blade closest to your hand). When you have the blade resting with the edge flush against the cutting board, you want there to be plenty of room for the hand gripping the handle without knocking your knuckles against the board. A classic pinch grip doesn't need much room, but that's not the only grip you'll ever use, so give yourself some decent knuckle clearance. But not TOO much. Too much and your blade will kind of feel like it wants to flop over on its side when the edge hits the board.

2

Length. As an edgy 20 year old in restaurant kitchens, i always went for the biggest knife i could find, but because you're going to be using your chef's knife for everything, you actually want it short enough to use as a paring knife or whatever. The shorter the blade, the more control over the tip you have. Me, i never really need anything longer than six inches. I was a little bit worried when i first got it, but i've never wound up wishing it was longer.

3

Weight. Even though it's just about as short as a chef's knife can be, my knife has a good amount of weight to it. A somewhat heavy blade helps with chopping, and provides a good balance for other knife skills. When you are chopping and slicing, a decent amount of weight helps a lot. It doesn't have to be heavy heavy, but when you pick it up, it should definitely feel like a chunk of steel, not like a pressed aluminum toy. Plus, some of the weight will come from thickness, and a thicker blade will stand up to more sharpening and last you longer too.

4

Bolster Shape

If you look at the Zwilling Pro's bolster, it has a bolster that is sort of beveled into the heel of the blade with a nice curve. Right right, what's a bolster, hold on, here's the anatomy of a knife

on this knife, you can see that where the bolster meets the blade it makes basically a right angle where it goes from thick to thin. This is distressingly common in chef knives

now look at the bolster on the Zwilling Pro

and here's a similar bolster shape from a different angle

First of all, the bolster is diagonal, which is the right shape for me to hold in a classic grip. Every chef has their own grip, but it's always a variation on pinching the blade just above the bolster, and a diagonal bevel works better for my grip.

And just as important to me, it might be hard to tell, but the metal curves from the thickness of the handle to the thinness of the blade instead of using a right angled edge to go from thick to thin. This curve sort of follows the movement your knife makes against the knuckle you use to guide the blade when you do this

I tend to use the deepest part of the heel a lot, and, depending on what i'm doing with the knife, my grip can often be nearly off the blade it's so far back, so i have a tendency to knock a straight bolster directly against my index knuckle. Just a little, but after a few dozen times in half a minute it starts to irritate my finger. A curved bolster like on the Zwilling Pro sort of glides to a stop against my guiding knuckle instead of banging into it, provides a comfortable pinch, and makes my life in the kitchen better.

That might not be true for everyone, it's just important to pay attention to how you use a knife, especially if you find yourself thinking something like "it would be better for me if this part of the knife was different in this way" or "this knife would be easier to grip if it was shaped like this instead" or "i wish the shape of this knife didn't mean this was always happening" or whatever. Could even be how your knife fits in your dishwasher, just pay attention to what works and doesn't work for you personally so you know What you're looking for. But you for sure want to look at the Depth, Weight, Length, and Shape.

So. There you have it. Some things to pay attention to when selecting a knife that may allow you to get a good knife for yourself without spending tooooo much money.

[thatlittlered]

rings of power men | love languages

warning(s): i am going to cry, i need to marry (at least!) one of them

author's note: these are once again based on this post

-.-.-

Elrond

words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts - everything

This Barbie man can and will do it all. If you ever asked him, he could not possibly pick what his favorite way of showing you affection is. He wants to write poems about your beauty, to touch your soft skin, to spend eons in your delightful company under the shining stars, to gather every lovely flower to adorn your hair and shower you in gold and gems that match your brilliance, all at the same time. He will probably manage to do it too.

Gil-galad

quality time, physical touch

Quality time spent in complete privacy is a rare gift given his position, so the High King treasures it above all, especially whilst in your company. Even in silence, he finds solace in your love and what greater proof is there of his, than his willingness to split himself in half if that is what it takes to serve both you and his kingdom? He is not a particularly touchy person, so you certainly will not find him glued to your side at all times, but once in private, he is a very passionate lover.

Celebrimbor

gifts, quality of time, gifts! so many gifts!

You will be showered with gifts of all kinds, especially in the beginning of your relationship. He does not know any other way to express himself so anything that comes to mind, he will send your way; rare fruits and teas, expensive fabrics, books, and, once he feels a bit more comfortable in showing off his skills, dozens of jewelry, weapons, trinkets. Anything that comes to mind when he thinks of you, he will happily craft with astounding care to detail and deliver it to you himself so he can see the glee on your face when you receive it. When you are properly together, you might convince him to lessen the frequency and spend the time with you instead; sipping warm tea and sitting together on the balcony. He is very agreeable to that.

Arondir

acts of service

You could ask Arondir to climb up in the skies of Arda and bring you back the moon and he will not hesitate. There is very little he would not do to ensure your happiness and those are things you would not ask of him either way. He is also very keen on anticipating your needs before you can express them. Always bringing you food and water, or packing you warm clothes. He must be thinking about you all the time, because every beautiful flower he happens upon is to be picked, every trinket that catches his eye purchased with you in mind, until your hands, and home, and heart are full.

Elendil

acts of service, physical touch, gifts

His first and foremost love language is serving you in any way imaginable. Whether it be with his sword, his ship, or his love. There is none more loyal and he proves it every day. Your wish is his command and your happiness his only concern. Once affection is established between you, he will not hesitate to be more physical with you as well; always touching you some place with his sea-worn hands in the few moments of privacy you have together. When you are kept apart, he will bring you gifts from the faraway lands he travels to and write you letters you cannot receive, but which you may read when he returns and know there was not a moment he was not thinking of you.

Valandil

words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time

He may be no poet, but it is easy enough to find the words when he is looking at you. He might share a few of his thoughts in person, but quickly becomes too embarrassed and chooses to write them down for you instead, so they might hold you company while he is sailing in the cruel seas. He writes of the sensual way the moon reflects off your skin when you make love on your favorite beach, the feeling of your hair in his fingers when it's drenched in saltwater and the way it tastes on his tongue. He simply cannot wait to do it again.

Isildur

physical touch

Please touch this boy, for that is what he becomes in your presence. A sweet boy with large brown eyes, begging to be touched at every opportunity and showered with the love you so willingly provide. When you are together, he always has to be touching you in some way, whether it be holding your hand, or laying his head in your lap, or even letting your knees graze each other when in the tavern with the others. Show him affection and he will return it thousandfold.

-.-.-

bonus:

Adar

acts of service, gifts

The Uruk-father considers you his most glorious conquest, his most precious possession. He is not eager to lose you and will therefore do anything to ensure your safety and happiness by his side. You will want for nothing, for it will all be delivered to you before you might even come to need it. What is most enticing of all he has to offer, however, is the absolute devotion and adoration that only he can show you.

[urarakasdiary]

-LILY OF THE VALLEY

Jjk men as your lover!

GOJO

He's head over heels for you and isn't ashamed of showing it.

Protective but not so much so that you feel controlled. He knows the limits.

Always picking/dropping you off. When you're out somewhere: spending time with friends, clubbing, etc. it doesn't matter, he's always beside you, looking over your shoulder. Staying alert.

Definitely spoils you with wayy too many expensive gifts and if not gifts, date nights, picnics and movies are his thing.

Might be a bit too cocky and touchy but will stop when you ask him to.

GETO

Public show of affection is not his first preference but if you like it, he'll do it.

I can see him being overprotective. He knows it's wrong so he tries not to show it.

Is always on the lookout for bad company you have, and will warn you about them.

Doesn't necessarily spoil you but he'll buy you anything you ask him to.

He can be a bit manipulative sometimes, but he knows his flaws and tries fixing them for your sake.

NANAMI

He's an old money guy. Flowers and chocolates every week. Showers you with affection.

Covers you with his jacket when it's cold, and never lets you open any doors, that's his responsibility. And trips to your dream places every month.

Also a big spoiler, more on the high-end stuff. Designer bags, jewelry, coats, clothes whatever you have an interest in. If you're not interested in stuff like that he'll buy/make anything you like.

Acts cold, more so if his work is stressing him out. Random bursts of anger that surprise you, but he would never, ever hurt you.

MEGUMI

Also a guy who does not like public display of affection. Will try his best to avoid it. But at the end of the day, if you do show affection in public, he'll gladly accept it.

I don't see him spoiling you. Quality time with you is more important than giving gifts.

He would never admit it but he loves it when you play with his hair.

It takes a bit for him to open up to you and express himself freely, but you'll get there sometime.

SUKUNA

I have no words.

This dude will not let you breathe. Hyperfixated on you and you alone.

Going out? where? when? with whom? what are you gonna eat? why? you already have me, why do you need anything else?

Possessive, over-protective, ANGER ISSUES.

Loves you more than you could imagine tho.

CHOSO

He's definitely very shy. Even with you.

Wants you all for himself. If someone even looks at you a bit too much, he's picking up a fight.

Doesn't really know how to express his love so he does everything. Acts of service, Gift giving, Quality time, and maybe even physical touch (sometimes).

Gets upset very quickly but he knows how to handle his temper.

I wrote this in a single day because I want to revive my blog 🥲 Very very sorry if it did not meet your expectations Im trying to get back to writing and English being my second language doesn't help either 😭 Requests are now open :) <3

If you want a part 2 just let me know. I'll try to respond as soon as possible 💗

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Better failure for social media

Content moderation is fundamentally about making social media work better, but there are two other considerations that determine how social media fails: end-to-end (E2E), and freedom of exit. These are much neglected, and that’s a pity, because how a system fails is every bit as important as how it works.

Of course, commercial social media sites don’t want to be good, they want to be profitable. The unique dynamics of social media allow the companies to uncouple quality from profit, and more’s the pity.

Social media grows thanks to network effects — you join Twitter to hang out with the people who are there, and then other people join to hang out with you. The more users Twitter accumulates, the more users it can accumulate. But social media sites stay big thanks to high switching costs: the more you have to give up to leave a social media site, the harder it is to go:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/facebooks-secret-war-switching-costs

Nature bequeaths some in-built switching costs on social media, primarily the coordination problem of reaching consensus on where you and the people in your community should go next. The more friends you share a social media platform with, the higher these costs are. If you’ve ever tried to get ten friends to agree on where to go for dinner, you know how this works. Now imagine trying to get all your friends to agree on where to go for dinner, for the rest of their lives!

But these costs aren’t insurmountable. Network effects, after all, are a double-edged sword. Some users are above-average draws for others, and if a critical mass of these important nodes in the network map depart for a new service — like, say, Mastodon — that service becomes the presumptive successor to the existing giants.

When that happens — when Mastodon becomes “the place we’ll all go when Twitter finally becomes unbearable” — the downsides of network effects kick in and the double-edged sword begins to carve away at a service’s user-base. It’s one thing to argue about which restaurant we should go to tonight, it’s another to ask whether we should join our friends at the new restaurant where they’re already eating.

Social media sites who want to keep their users’ business walk a fine line: they can simply treat those users well, showing them the things they ask to see, not spying on them, paying to police their service to reduce harassment, etc. But these are costly choices: if you show users the things they ask to see, you can’t charge businesses to show them things they don’t want to see. If you don’t spy on users, you can’t sell targeting services to people who want to force them to look at things they’re uninterested in. Every moderator you pay to reduce harassment draws a salary at the expense of your shareholders, and every catastrophe that moderator prevents is a catastrophe you can’t turn into monetizable attention as gawking users flock to it.

So social media sites are always trying to optimize their mistreatment of users, mistreating them (and thus profiting from them) right up to the point where they are ready to switch, but without actually pushing them over the edge.

One way to keep dissatisfied users from leaving is by extracting a penalty from them for their disloyalty. You can lock in their data, their social relationships, or, if they’re “creators” (and disproportionately likely to be key network nodes whose defection to a rival triggers mass departures from their fans), you can take their audiences hostage.

The dominant social media firms all practice a low-grade, tacit form of hostage-taking. Facebook downranks content that links to other sites on the internet. Instagram prohibits links in posts, limiting creators to “Links in bio.” Tiktok doesn’t even allow links. All of this serves as a brake on high-follower users who seek to migrate their audiences to better platforms.

But these strategies are unstable. When a platform becomes worse for users (say, because it mandates nonconsensual surveillance and ramps up advertising), they may actively seek out other places on which to follow each other, and the creators they enjoy. When a rival platform emerges as the presumptive successor to an incumbent, users no longer face the friction of knowing which rival they should resettle to.

When platforms’ enshittification strategies overshoot this way, users flee in droves, and then it’s time for the desperate platform managers to abandon the pretense of providing a public square. Yesterday, Elon Musk’s Twitter rolled out a policy prohibiting users from posting links to rival platforms:

https://web.archive.org/web/20221218173806/https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/social-platforms-policy

This policy was explicitly aimed at preventing users from telling each other where they could be found after they leave Twitter:

https://web.archive.org/web/20221219015355/https://twitter.com/TwitterSupport/status/1604531261791522817

This, in turn, was a response to many users posting regular messages explaining why they were leaving Twitter and how they could be found on other platforms. In particular, Twitter management was concerned with departures by high-follower users like Taylor Lorenz, who was retroactively punished for violating the policy, though it didn’t exist when she violated it:

https://deadline.com/2022/12/washington-post-journalist-taylor-lorenz-suspended-twitter-1235202034/

As Elon Musk wrote last spring: “The acid test for two competing socioeconomic systems is which side needs to build a wall to keep people from escaping? That’s the bad one!”

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1533616384747442176

This isn’t particularly insightful. It’s obvious that any system that requires high walls and punishments to stay in business isn’t serving its users, whose presence is attributable to coercion, not fulfillment. Of course, the people who operate these systems have all manner of rationalizations for them.

The Berlin Wall, we were told, wasn’t there to keep East Germans in — rather, it was there to keep the teeming hordes clamoring to live in the workers’ paradise out. In the same way, platforms will claim that they’re not blocking outlinks or sideloading because they want to prevent users from defecting to a competitor, but rather, to protect those users from external threats.

This rationalization quickly wears thin, and then new ones step in. For example, you might claim that telling your friends that you’re leaving and asking them to meet you elsewhere is like “giv[ing] a talk for a corporation [and] promot[ing] other corporations”:

https://mobile.twitter.com/mayemusk/status/1604550452447690752

Or you might claim that it’s like “running Wendy’s ads [on] McDonalds property,” rather than turning to your friends and saying, “The food at McDonalds sucks, let’s go eat at Wendy’s instead”:

https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1604559316237037568

The truth is that any service that won’t let you leave isn’t in the business of serving you, it’s in the business of harming you. The only reason to build a wall around your service — to impose any switching costs on users- is so that you can fuck them over without risking their departure.

The platforms want to be Anatevka, and we the villagers of Fiddler On the Roof, stuck plodding the muddy, Cossack-haunted roads by the threat of losing all our friends if we try to leave:

https://doctorow.medium.com/how-to-leave-dying-social-media-platforms-9fc550fe5abf

That’s where freedom of exit comes in. The public should have the right to leave, and companies should not be permitted to make that departure burdensome. Any burdens we permit companies to impose is an invitation to abuse of their users.

This is why governments are handing down new interoperability mandates: the EU’s Digital Markets Act forces the largest companies to offer APIs so that smaller rivals can plug into them and let users walkaway from Big Tech into new kinds of platforms — small businesses, co-ops, nonprofits, hobby sites — that treat them better. These small players are overwhelmingly part of the fediverse: the federated social media sites that allow users to connect to one another irrespective of which server or service they use.

The creators of these platforms have pledged themselves to freedom of exit. Mastodon ships with a “Move Followers” and “Move Following” feature that lets you quit one server and set up shop on another, without losing any of the accounts you follow or the accounts that follow you:

https://codingitwrong.com/2022/10/10/migrating-a-mastodon-account.html

This feature is as yet obscure, because the exodus to Mastodon is still young. Users who flocked to servers without knowing much about their managers have, by and large, not yet run into problems with the site operators. The early trickle of horror stories about petty authoritarianism from Mastodon sysops conspicuously fail to mention that if the management of a particular instance turns tyrant, you can click two links, export your whole social graph, sign up for a rival, click two more links and be back at it.

This feature will become more prominent, because there is nothing about running a Mastodon server that means that you are good at running a Mastodon server. Elon Musk isn’t an evil genius — he’s an ordinary mediocrity who lucked into a lot of power and very little accountability. Some Mastodon operators will have Musk-like tendencies that they will unleash on their users, and the difference will be that those users can click two links and move elsewhere. Bye-eee!

Freedom of exit isn’t just a matter of the human right of movement, it’s also a labor issue. Online creators constitute a serious draw for social media services. All things being equal, these services would rather coerce creators’ participation — by holding their audiences hostage — than persuade creators to remain by offering them an honest chance to ply their trade.

Platforms have a variety of strategies for chaining creators to their services: in addition to making it harder for creators to coordinate with their audiences in a mass departure, platforms can use DRM, as Audible does, to prevent creators’ customers from moving the media they purchase to a rival’s app or player.

Then there’s “freedom of reach”: platforms routinely and deceptively conflate recommending a creator’s work with showing that creator’s work to the people who explicitly asked to see it.

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

When you follow or subscribe to a feed, that is not a “signal” to be mixed into the recommendation system. It’s an order: “Show me this.” Not “Show me things like this.”

Show.

Me.

This.

But there’s no money in showing people the things they tell you they want to see. If Amazon showed shoppers the products they searched for, they couldn’t earn $31b/year on an “ad business” that fills the first six screens of results with rival products who’ve paid to be displayed over the product you’re seeking:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

If Spotify played you the albums you searched for, it couldn’t redirect you to playlists artists have to shell out payola to be included on:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/12/streaming-doesnt-pay/#stunt-publishing

And if you only see what you ask for, then product managers whose KPI is whether they entice you to “discover” something else won’t get a bonus every time you fatfinger a part of your screen that navigates you away from the thing you specifically requested:

https://doctorow.medium.com/the-fatfinger-economy-7c7b3b54925c

Musk, meanwhile, has announced that you won’t see messages from the people you follow unless they pay for Twitter Blue:

https://www.wired.com/story/what-is-twitter-blue/

And also that you will be nonconsensually opted into seeing more “recommended” content from people you don’t follow (but who can be extorted out of payola for the privilege):

https://www.socialmediatoday.com/news/Twitter-Expands-Content-Recommendations/637697/

Musk sees Twitter as a publisher, not a social media site:

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1604588904828600320

Which is why he’s so indifferent to the collateral damage from this payola/hostage scam. Yes, Twitter is a place where famous and semi-famous people talk to their audiences, but it is primarily a place where those audiences talk to each other — that is, a public square.

This is the Facebook death-spiral: charging to people to follow to reach you, and burying the things they say in a torrent of payola-funded spam. It’s the vision of someone who thinks of other people as things to use — to pump up your share price or market your goods to — not worthy of consideration.

As Terry Pratchett’s Granny Weatherwax put it: “Sin is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”

Mastodon isn’t perfect, but its flaws are neither fatal nor permanent. The idea that centralized media is “easier” surely reflects the hundreds of billions of dollars that have been pumped into refining social media Roach Motels (“users check in, but they don’t check out”).

Until a comparable sum has been spent refining decentralized, federated services, any claims about the impossibility of making the fediverse work for mass audiences should be treated as unfalsifiable, motivated reasoning.

Meanwhile, Mastodon has gotten two things right that no other social media giant has even seriously attempted:

I. If you follow someone on Mastodon, you’ll see everything they post; and

II. If you leave a Mastodon server, you can take both your followers and the people you follow with you.

The most common criticism of Mastodon is that you must rely on individual moderators who may be underresourced, incompetent on malicious. This is indeed a serious problem, but it isn’t the same serious problem that Twitter has. When Twitter is incompetent, malicious, or underresourced, your departure comes at a dear price.

On Mastodon, your choice is: tolerate bad moderation, or click two links and move somewhere else.

On Twitter, your choice is: tolerate moderation, or lose contact with all the people you care about and all the people who care about you.

The interoperability mandates in the Digital Markets Act (and in the US ACCESS Act, which seems unlikely to get a vote in this session of Congress) only force the largest platforms to open up, but Mastodon shows us the utility of interop for smaller services, too.

There are lots of domains in which “dominance” shouldn’t be the sole criteria for whether you are expected to treat your customers fairly.

A doctor with a small practice who leaks all ten patients’ data harms those patients as surely as a hospital system with a million patients would have. A small-time wedding photographer who refuses to turn over your pictures unless you pay a surprise bill is every bit as harmful to you as a giant chain that has the same practice.

As we move into the realm of smalltime, community-oriented social media servers, we should be looking to avoid the pitfalls of the social media bubble that’s bursting around us. No matter what the size of the service, let’s ensure that it lets us leave, and respects the end-to-end principle, that any two people who want to talk to each other should be allowed to do so, without interference from the people who operate their communications infrastructure.

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

Heisenberg Media (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Elon_Musk_-_The_Summit_2013.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[Image ID: Moses confronting the Pharaoh, demanding that he release the Hebrews. Pharaoh’s face has been replaced with Elon Musk’s. Moses holds a Twitter logo in his outstretched hand. The faces embossed in the columns of Pharaoh’s audience hall have been replaced with the menacing red eye of HAL9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. The wall over Pharaoh’s head has been replaced with a Matrix ‘code waterfall’ effect. Moses’s head has been replaced with that of the Mastodon mascot.]

[justinspoliticalcorner]

David Smith at The Guardian:

Losing an election for the highest office is a crushing blow that no candidate forgets. But when the American electorate delivers its verdict next week, the personal stakes for Donald Trump will be uniquely high. His fate will hover between the presidency and the threat of prison.

If he claims victory, Trump will be the first convicted criminal to win the White House and gain access to the nuclear codes. If he falls short, the 78-year-old faces more humiliating courtroom trials and potentially even time behind bars. It would be the end of a charmed life in which he has somehow always managed to outrun the law and duck accountability. For Trump, Tuesday is judgment day. “He branded himself as the guy who gets away with it,” said Gwenda Blair, a Trump biographer, adding that, should he lose, “he is facing a lot of moments of reckoning. He could go to jail. He could end up considerably less wealthy than he is. No matter what happens, and no matter whether he wins or loses, there will be a reckoning over his health. Death, ill health, dementia – those are things even he can’t escape.” The property developer and reality TV star has spent his career pushing ethical and legal boundaries to the limit, facing countless investigations, court battles and hefty fines. Worthy of a novel, his has been a life of scandal on a gargantuan scale.

In the 1970s Trump and his father were sued by the justice department for racial discrimination after refusing to rent apartments to Black people in predominantly white buildings. His property and casino businesses, including the Taj Mahal and Trump Plaza, filed for bankruptcy several times in the 1990s and early 2000s. Trump University, a business offering property training courses, faced multiple lawsuits for fraud, misleading marketing and false claims about the quality of its programmes. In 2016 Trump settled for $25m without admitting wrongdoing.

The Donald J Trump Foundation, a charitable organisation, was investigated and sued for allegedly using charitable funds for personal and business expenses. Trump eventually agreed to dissolve the foundation with remaining funds going to charity. Trump and his company were ordered to pay more than $350m in a New York civil fraud trial for artificially inflating his net worth to secure favourable loan terms. He is also known to have paid little to no federal income taxes in specific years which, although technically legal, was seen by some as bordering on unethical.

[...] He became the first president to be impeached twice, first for withholding military aid to pressure Ukraine’s government to investigate his political opponents, then for instigating a coup on 6 January 2021 following his defeat. He also became the subject of not one but four criminal cases, any one of which would have been enough to scuttle the chances of any other White House hopeful. In May Trump was found guilty of 34 counts of falsifying business records relating to a hush-money payment to the adult film performer Stormy Daniels, making him the first former president to be convicted of felony crimes. Sentencing is scheduled for 26 November (the judge delayed it from 18 September after the Republican nominee asked that it wait until after the election). What was billed as the trial of the century has already begun to fade from public consciousness and played a relatively modest role in the election campaign. Jonathan Alter, a presidential biographer who was in court for every day of the trial, recalled: “I’ve covered some big stories over the years but there was nothing like the drama of watching the jury foreperson say, ‘Guilty, guilty, guilty’ 34 times and Donald Trump looking like he was punched in the gut.” Alter, who describes the experience in his new book, American Reckoning, reflects on how Trump has been able to act with impunity for so long. “It’s a combination of luck, galvanised defiance and the credulousness of a large chunk of the American people,” he said. “Demagoguery works. Playing on people’s fears works. It doesn’t work all the time but we can look throughout human history to political figures and how demagoguery and scapegoating ‘the other’ works.”

Alter, who covered the trial for Washington Monthly magazine, added: “We’ve had plenty of demagogues, scoundrels and conmen in politics below the level of president. Trump has been lucky to escape accountability but the United States has been lucky that we haven’t had something like this before. The founders were very worried about it. They felt we would face something like this for sure.” The US’s system of checks and balances has been racing to keep up. Trump was charged by the special counsel Jack Smith with conspiring to overturn the results of his election loss to Joe Biden in the run-up to the January 6 riot at the US Capitol. The former president and 18 others were also charged by the Fulton county district attorney, Fani Willis, with taking part in a scheme to overturn his narrow loss in Georgia. Trump was charged again by Smith with illegally retaining classified documents that included nuclear secrets, taken with him from the White House to his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida after he left office in January 2021, and then obstructing government demands to give them back.

With a such a caseload, it was widely assumed that Trump would spend this election shuttling between rallies one day and trials the next. But the courtroom campaign never really happened since, true to past form, he found ways to throw sand in the gears of the legal system and put off his moment of reckoning.

Or he simply got lucky. In Georgia, it emerged that Willis had a romantic relationship with the special prosecutor Nathan Wade, prompting demands that she be removed. Smith’s federal election case was thrown off track for months by a supreme court ruling that presidents have immunity for official actions taken in office. The classified documents case was thrown out by Judge Aileen Cannon, a Trump appointee, although Smith is appealing and the charges could be reinstated. Such delays have made it easier to forget just how much of an outlier Trump is. Past presidential brushes with the law consisted of Ulysses S Grant being fined for speeding his horse-drawn carriage in Washington and Harry Truman receiving a ticket for driving his car too slowly on the Pennsylvania Turnpike in 1953. Richard Nixon resigned before he could be impeached over the Watergate scandal and was subsequently pardoned by his successor, Gerald Ford. Meanwhile the standard for presidential aspirants has been high. Joe Biden’s first run for the White House fell apart amid allegations that he had plagiarised a speech by Britain’s Labour leader Neil Kinnock. During the 2000 campaign, a last-minute revelation that Republican candidate George W Bush had a drunk driving conviction that he concealed for 24 years generated huge headlines and was seen as a possible gamechanger. Hillary Clinton still blames her 2016 defeat on an FBI investigation into her email server that produced no charges.

For Donald Trump, his run for the “Presidency” is all about avoiding any possible jail time for his indictments and felonies. If he loses, then Trump could be facing more trials and potentially jail time and/or massive fines.

Send Trump to prison, not the White House!

#TrumpForPrison #HarrisWalz2024

[probablyasocialecologist]

When you look at Instagram or Facebook, I want you to try and think of them less as social networks, and more as a form of anthropological experiment. Every single thing you see on either platform is built or selected to make you spend more time on the app and see more things that Meta wants you to see, be they ads, sponsored content, or suggested groups that you can interact with, thus increasing the amount of your “time spent” on the app, and increasing the amount of “meaningful interactions” you have with content. I also want you to realize that anything bad that you see on the platform is a symptom of Mark Zuckerberg’s unwillingness to rate-limit or sufficiently moderate the platform. Logically-speaking, one would think that Meta would want you to have a high-quality Facebook experience, pruning content that might be incendiary, spammy, scammy or unhelpful, or at the very least, comes primarily from those within your own network, but when your only concern is growth, content moderation is more of an emergency measure.  And to be clear, this is part of Meta’s cultural DNA. In an interview with journalist Jeff Horwitz in his book Broken Code, Facebook’s former VP of Ads and Partnerships Brian Bolland said that “building things is way more fun than making things secure and safe…[and] until there’s a regulatory or press fire, you don’t deal with it.”  Horwitz also cites that Meta engineers’ greatest frustration was that the company “perpetually [needed] something to fail — often fucking spectacularly — to drive interest in fixing it.” Horwitz’s book describes Meta’s approach to moderation as “having a light touch,” considering it “a moral virtue” and that the company “wasn’t failing to supervise what users did — it was neutral.” As I’ve briefly explained, the logic here is that the more stuff there is on Facebook or Instagram, the more likely you are to run into something you’ll interact with, even if said interaction is genuinely bad. Horwitz notes that in April 2016, Meta analyzed Facebook’s most successful political groups, finding that a third of them “routinely featured content that was racist and conspiracy-minded,” with their growth heavily-driven by Facebook’s “Groups You Should Join” and “Discover” features, algorithmic tools that Facebook used to recommend content. The researcher in question added that “sixty-four percent of all extremist group joins are due to our recommendation tools.” When the researcher took their concerns to Facebook’s “Protect and Care” team, they were told that there was nothing the team could do as “the accounts creating the content were real people, and Facebook intentionally had no rules mandating truth, balance or good faith.” Meta, at its core, is a rot economy empire, entirely engineered to grow metrics and revenue at the expense of anything else. In practice, this means allowing almost any activity that might “grow” the platform, even if it means groups that balloon by tens or hundreds of thousands of people a day, or allowing people to friend 50 or more people in a single day. It means allowing almost any content other than that which it’s legally required to police like mutilation and child pornography, even if the content it allows in makes the platform significantly worse.  As a result, Meta is kind of like an absentee parent, occasionally looking up from their phone and muttering “don’t do that” when something obviously awful happens, and even then they’re extremely hesitant to intervene. 

[tetrakys]

A few thoughts on the Halloween event

The first event of New Gen was released today, and as usual there are some positives and negatives. I'll start with the negative and put everything under spoiler.

Negatives

The system in my opinion isn't well calibrated. I personally hate gatcha, years ago I swore to myself I would never play another gatcha game in my life. But alas most games have some form of gatcha embedded mechanic, and I know generally people are not as negative toward them as I am. However, even if I want to set my personal feelings aside and try to be completely objective, there are some issues.

I think it all boils down to: games should either have a luck component or a timing/difficulty component. At the moment the event relies both on luck (the gatcha and the minigame) and timing (it's too short). This means that while it's impossible for f2p players to complete the event in full, it's also extremely expensive for them (and everyone else) to catch up.

Side note: I don't think it's outrageous that f2p can't complete the event in full. If we look at other games it's basically the case everywhere (I'm thinking of Ikemen games especially, but also MLQC and other similar mobile games). Companies have to make money somehow so it makes sense that they incentivise people to invest in the game with additional rewards. The issue here is that by adding too many obstacles what is achieved isn't a desire to invest some money to keep playing, but only a feeling of frustration that puts people off completely.

I did the math, f2p players by entering the event every day will only be able to obtain around 10-12 items when the total is 25 (including clothes, room elements and moments with the crushes), which makes for only 40% of the event. The gap is too large. If it had been 70-80% instead, maybe some players would've felt encouraged to spend something on the event to complete it, but when you're missing more than half and would need around 650-750 gems the feeling is instead anger mixed to a resigned 'what's the point?'.

Of course there is the possibility of someone being extremely lucky and obtaining perfect scores at the minigame and also unlocking all the dates and items they really care about in those free rolls they are able to obtain. It is true that not everyone wants to maximise the event and unlock all clothes and scenes. In which case yes, the event would be very convenient to them. But 40% odds of obtaining exactly what you want are still too low in my opinion.

Hence why I think this would be solved by either making the minigame easier, or extending the event for a few extra days.

Positives

There are indeed some very positive aspects. The outfits and items are all really pretty in my opinion, plus I already mentioned being a fan of how the crushes look like in their Halloween attire.

But what I think is the main improvement of this event is the scenes spent with the crushes, they seem to be much longer than what we used to have in the old game. Plus personally I really liked these scenes, they were both funny, cute and a bit romantic/hot. I can tell it's an early days event because there's nothing overtly romantic going on, but it feels right for the pace of the game. Also, I think all illustrations are 10/10 chef's kiss (I wiiiish Jason's illu had been a bit darker, with a dangerous/spicy undertone, but alas that's just my personal taste).

Also, what really sold me on these scenes is that they are all saved in our library, and we can replay them in full whenever we want and even pick different choices. This gives my completionist soul so much relief, I've always hated that I couldn't test different choices in past events without spending most of the event currency.

So, in conclusion, there are both things that work and don't work in this event, I hope for Christmas and Valentine the high quality of art and scenes will be kept and the system will be reworked to make it less frustrating for everyone.

[alicerosejensen]

Would you by any chance do another Leon head canon with his college girlfriend? The other ones you made were super cute. Enjoy the rest of your day!

I'm happy to share headcanons so here's another serving.

Jealous leon like a little warning.

- You don't have a problem with alcohol, but when your friends invited you to a noisy party, you couldn't (and didn't want to) refuse them.

- "Don't you think your dress is too short?" Leon will be throwing glances at you while you preen in front of the mirror. It doesn't look like he's worried or jealous.

- Leon probably wanted to spend the evening in peace and your company, but you already had other plans.

- The dress may indeed have been a little shorter than what you usually wear but, "honey, it's a PARTY!"

- With a bunch of horny guys who want to lift that very dress on your hips.

- Leon won't say it out loud.

- Get ready for frequent calls and messages?

"Are you all right?"

"No one comes over?"

"Mind your drinks, please"

"Do I need to come get you?"

- Perhaps his guardianship would tire you and you would prefer not to respond to messages. For God's sake don't turn off your phone!

- You did it anyway... congratulations, you're going done...

- You have very beautiful and expensive clothes, your friends think you have a sugar daddy or something.

- Even if you say it's not. It's just that Leon prefers to give quality things.

- You have a friend who likes you for a long time. You may not know this, but the alcohol he drinks will help him confess his feelings to you.

- You're too drunk already, plus the music is loud. Perhaps you will hear something else or you do not want to understand what he said, so you will agree with him.

- The evil dog Leon is already here and he is ready to kick someone's ass if he sees that you have been harmed.

- But you are having a nice conversation with your friend, whose hand is brazenly on your waist.

- What the hell are you wearing in those revealing sexy stockings that peek out from under your boiler dress"?

- Now Leon is really jealous.

- Intoxicated with alcohol, you agree to dance with your friend some obscene dances, laughing merrily.

- You're really having fun, but not Leon. You never gave him a reason to doubt your loyalty, so when your friend's hands go down to your ass, you push him hard.

- "Take it easy! I already have a boyfriend."

- The moment when someone grabs the poor guy by the collar and pushes him away from you goes too fast. Leon grabs your hand and you run after him almost on wadded legs.

- "Why the hell didn't you return my calls?"

- The brain does not fully understand where Leon came from. But the people around you make way for you that you are gone.

- Leon's hand painfully holds your wrist. He doesn't want to hurt you in any way, he was just too scared.

- Who knows what that bastard had in mind?

- You are drunk and the heels on your feet are too high, which is why you constantly stumble.

- Leon is angry. Very. He's pissed off by those lustful looks at your breasts, so he'll put his leather jacket on you. And zip it up.

- You spend the whole way home in silence.

- You know it's best not to touch Leon right now. He recently returned from a long mission that didn't go too well, and the last thing he wanted to worry about was you at this fucking party.

- You put your hand on his thigh, but he didn't react.

- The fresh air helped sober up a bit.

- "Do you have any idea what dirty intentions that bastard might have had for you?!"

- Your carelessness sometimes frightens him.

- At home, Leon himself will knock over several glasses of whiskey into himself.

- He will probably be offended for two days. Stingy phrases, detachment, Leon just infuriates that you allowed yourself to behave like that! He understands that you're too young to stay at home all the time, but damn god, you almost got groped...and...Leon is afraid to say the word.

- What if you were raped?

- It was hard for Leon to say those words. The very thought that you have been harmed causes him unimaginable pain. He will hate himself if anything happens to you.

- Just be careful. Leon has lost too many good people and all he wants to do is take care of you.

- Leon loves you with all his heart and is ready to fight for you day and night with any B.O.W, but he really doesn't understand why you turned off your fucking phone.

- Perhaps it really has become too much for you...

- But you love him too. Just that evening you allowed yourself too much. "Seriously Leon, I wouldn't cheat on you with my college guy."

- Leon believes you.

- You're going to have a pretty rough night. Leon will remind you that you are HIS woman, leaving hickeys that are hard to hide. He will tease a lot and whisper various obscenities, reminding you of who you belong to. It's actually damn hot!

- Don't even think about getting out of bed after having sex with him. Leon will tire you out so you can't get up, but he will still carry you to the bathroom and bring you a sandwich if you get hungry. (* whispers* he is not only the god of sex, but also the god of care)

- He likes to kiss your thighs.

- You'll probably be less likely to go to these parties, but Leon never forbids you anything.

- Just keep your phone close!

- He will take you on his vacation.

- And your sexy dresses are just for him

[vyl3tpwny]

do you have a preferred method to get vsts and other such instruments for a DAW?? im poor as heck and dont know ANYTHING about piracy, im so scared of getting goobered by people on the internet

i wish i knew more about the best go-to sites for pirating rn unfortunately i have no clue. ppl on the internet can have such shit intentions too so i dont even know where to look or who to ask. but also here's some free + VERY cheap things u may consider (below the break):

vital synth (i will always shill for vital bc i use it constantly and its free lol)

ob-xd synth (it says buy for $49, but the free download is on the left. the buy link is just a donate)

klanghelm plugins (all these are made by one dude. mjuc is a great vintage style compressor, the dc8c is a pretty featured compressor for the price, sdrr has a particularly nice tube saturation/distortion, and vumt is a great metering plugin, i have vumt on every single project since 2019)

analog obsession (if you donate $5 to their patreon you can get every single plugin they make. also all made and maintained by one person. lots of different things, so i recommend just downloading everything and exploring the functions of the plugins)

tokyo dawn labs (all very high quality mixing stuff. they have free versions of most of their premium stuff and they're quite featured despite being free. ez.)

kilohearts (they recently made all their main effects free. and if you want their flagship stuff, its all rent-to-own as well.)

sforzando (soundfont player. if you dont know what soundfonts are, theyre essentially really condensed, lightweight sampled instruments. they can often sound rlly cheap or tacky [which might be good, i definitely love that sound] but just install this and google [instrument] soundfont and just find lots of free instruments that way)

togu audio line (some free effects and instruments if you scroll down. but i also recommend TAL Sampler if you want a cool sampler and can afford it)

meldaproduction (has a free plugin suite. theres an annoying watermark at the bottom for free versions, but everyone understands. shit is expensive)

native instruments (they have the komplete start bundle which is just a bunch of free decent stuff)

musicradar FREE SAMPLES (ive sworn by a few of the sample resources that i've gotten from musicradar as far back as 2011 lol)

looperman FREE SAMPLES (looperman is a user-sourced sample website where ppl upload samples they've made* and you can just download and use them for free. sometimes people request specific credit, so check for that if you can. *NOTE: its very possible for people to upload unlicensed samples or stuff they didn't make so use your best judgement when sorting through stuff)

freesound FREE SAMPLES (freesound rules always reliable)

synth1 (AHHHH IM SO HAPPY I CAN RECOMMEND THIS RIGHT NOW!!!! synth1 used to be abandonware but was finally picked up again and is supported by modern systems once more. i used this religiously from 2013-2017. and i'm going to start using it again honestly)

valhalladsp (this is the only exclusively premium thing i'm going to leave in this thread [aside from bitwig, below], but it's just that god damn good. every plugin of theirs is $50, so if you can manage to go for ValhallaVintageVerb and/or ValhallaDelay you will basically never need another reverb/delay ever again; would recommend NOT pirating from them if you can help it bc theyre definitely a very small company but u know.. ur call)

bitwig (if you need a DAW, i can now heartily recommend Bitwig. it's on the rent to own program through splice if you're ok getting it legally...)

—

i know this isnt what u asked but i hope its still helpful. i've also rescinded my recommendations for spitfire audio bc the company was revealed to be run by a bunch of queerphobic knuckleheads. everything in this list i have personally used for my own music and can vouch for them from actual experience (YES even bitwig, i made the song "Futura" on Carousel exclusively with Bitwig, making it the first time i've made an entire song outside of Ableton since 2014).

again i hope this helps, forgive me for not knowing enough about pirating at the moment 😭 please make so much music and please look at this animal:

[rvbrebooted]

I think it's time I posted our business plan on here. But first I want to say that my LLC is Rancher Toads

Warner Brothers owns the Red vs Blue IP which is a big hurdle, but someone bigger than them owns HALO. Microsoft and Halo Studios (formerly 343 Industries). I bet Halo Studios is looking for a HALO show that works. Red vs Blue can be that show. It has over a decade of success, started a new form of animation, is an established IP, and has a massive fan base wanting more. But first we need to open a path with Microsoft and Halo Studios. However, we will not rely on Microsoft to be more than a sponsor and partner. Having a bigger parent company owning our smaller studio is too risky. My plan is:

Depending on how much Warner Media will be selling the rights for, we may need Microsoft to help get the rights back from Warner Media, which will cost them a pretty penny. But it will be a wise investment as they will get product placement, a percentage of profit, free advertisement for HALO, a successful HALO based show, and a good PR campaign about supporting creatives. Another financial bonus for them may be that when big companies take on some debt, it helps them pay even less in taxes. Which will save them money.

Meanwhile, to pay for operation costs and possibly even getting the rights back, we will do a Kickstarter. Death Battle got funded within a day of their campaign. They set their goal as $75,000 (USD), and by the end of it they made $740,000 (USD)! I have no doubt that Red vs Blue can reach its goal and continue operations. Reward items and future merchandise is a strong suit for my company, Rancher Toads.

Rancher Toads was originally founded when things regarding Rooster Teeth and making animated shows started to change. We want to make the animations that we originally would have pitched to Rooster Teeth. But- Animation is a labor intensive art form, and expensive. This is why we call our business model a reverse hasbro- We sell toys to make animation. (They infamously are known for “Make animation to sell toys”.) Our in house merch includes:

Mod Mods

Short for “Modification Models”, these figurines are posable, interchangeable, and extremely customizable. We want to do Red vs Blue and Halo batches, while providing custom Halo armor options so fans can make their own personal armor. Then with the interchangeable aspect, fans can also make their face claims of who is under the helmet.

Sewed’s Boutique

Sewed’s Boutique is more for fabric based fashion, such as bags, cosplay parts, and the like. A few concepts we have worked on that combine Red vs Blue and Sewed’s Boutique include: An Agent Washington helmet purse that is a 2D front facing image of Wash’s helmet. A Kaikaina “Sister” Grif Cheerleader bag. A Felix helmet purse that is a 2D front facing image of his helmet.

Corrode’s Armory

Corrode’s Armory is an offshoot of Sewed’s Boutique, where we sell more armor and weapon based merchandise. We would love to produce an official HALO armor line. Reasonably, it will start with HALO helmets. The plan is to have them made from two (2) sturdy, yet thin, resin molds. One for the helmet, and one for the visor.

I bring up using resin as I plan to use high quality alternatives to plastic when it comes to armor and figurines. Ridding plastic in all fabrics will be an uphill battle later to come.

Merchandise is not the only thing we want to be involved in when it comes to hopefully continuing Red vs Blue. We want to be involved in the writing. We see Red vs Blue having a canon map that looks like a subway map, or the Hyrule timeline. Our contribution to this messy, but organized, canon map is what we like to call- Red vs Blue ReBooted.

This will take place after Wash was shot, and instead of going on an adventure, the Reds, Blues, and Carolina stay beside Wash as he recovers on Chorus. In a way, it echoes the ending of Season 17, while leaving the canon of Seasons 16 and 17 in the air. We have much more planned out but legally, this proposal will not cover the majority of storyline ideas. But we will say we do have plans for both Meta Tucker and Zero to have proper stories.

We also want Miles Luna to have his chance to make a Mercs spin off series. While Luna has adopted an idea for Felix and Siris from one of our members, we want/plan Miles Luna to have majority creative control on his series.

Shisno Tales, a Red vs Blue anthology. This would be a perfect spot for officially making the Red vs Blue plays Among Us episode. We and our Amphibian Allies have a lot of episode ideas written down and even completed scripts. Shisno Tales will include different animators and forms of animation.

Project Freelancer Remembered. A spin off of seeing Project Freelancer’s early days and how close the Freelancers were before the mind games started.

Blue vs Pink is my own little talking in a box canyon idea. I plan to keep it in Shisno Tales. As there are a lot of show ideas being pitched here. It deals more with gender and sexuality. As Pink Team represents femininity, and Blue Team represents masculinity.

Locus Redemption. A space western. Not in the way that Firefly was, but Locus traveling around the universe trying to make things right after Chorus. A show the reds and blues will make cameos in. I see this as a true M rated show. One thing I want to put in this show is to highlight even more corruption of the UNSC. Specifically, where Locus is out in little known Outposts, that the UNSC is dead serious about occupying, even with great harm to the people originally there.

Circling back to the Mod Mods, the dream is to have these customizable figurines be building blocks for Mod Mod Media. Which would include a life simulator game, a more contained scenario game, and animated crossovers. We imagine most of the crossovers would be like Cartoon Network City bumpers from the 2000’s. But we dream even bigger to make Mod Mod Movies. Especially a Red vs Blue & RWBY crossover, as there should be one. But also to show while owned by different companies, they will always be sister shows. Then of course ones with our own original IPs, I see these as a love letter.

Nothing Rancher Toads plans to do is a cash grab. Bringing back IPs and expanding them is an act of creative love. We are not ready for goodbye, and neither should the creatives who put so much love into it. So please, take us seriously and let us work together. Thank you.

[hannahbarberra162]

Who the Deuce?

Hi! It's my first canon x canon attempt! It was harder than expected. I have many more Deuce Thoughts (tm) that didn't make it here.

Beta'd by the amazing @maskeddeucelover thank you for all your work!

Ace X Deuce, angst and fluff, no smut.

Word count: ~5k

AU where Deuce begins his writing career while with the Spade Pirates and continues when they join the WBP. He is a published travel / adventure columnist with a regular column in the WENP.

Overview: Ace won’t put a label on his relationship with Deuce. He wants to keep their relationship non-exclusive, to Deuce’s chagrin. Deuce begins getting recognized as a rising star in the writing world, and taken on dates by attractive fans. Can Ace tame his jealousy and reclaim his lover? Or has Deuce finally moved on? 

~~~

DEUCE POV

Deuce sighed as he felt overly warm arms embrace him from behind, wrapping around his waist as he finished rolling up clean bandages. He knew it was Ace, seeking comfort and connection at the end of a long day. Deuce quickly calculated how much work he had left in the infirmary, since it was obvious Ace was done for the day.

“Hi, Ace,” Deuce greeted tiredly. 

“Mmmmphhh,” Ace didn’t reply with words, just buried his face into Deuce’s neck. The nuzzling felt pleasant, but Deuce had to remind himself that it didn’t come with anything deeper. He and Ace had been fighting recently over their relationship. Or rather, the lack thereof. Deuce wanted to make things official and be exclusive with one another. On the other hand, Ace wanted to keep things as they were, nothing defined and a more open relationship. It made Deuce feel that Ace was just stringing him along until Ace found someone better. Ace felt that they should keep their options open during their high seas adventures, while also casually enjoying each other’s company. Neither opinion was wrong, but they were at an impasse. 

Deuce had been thinking of breaking things off completely. He didn’t like seeing his partner with other people, it just hurt him. He didn’t feel inclined towards dating others either, so maybe it would be best to part ways before he got hurt even further. A few years prior, he would have taken anything Ace had offered at the expense of his own heart. But he’d grown a little and was prepared to suffer heartbreak now if it would hurt less in the long run. 

“Ace, don’t.”

“But I’m worn out. I wanna cuddle.” Ace started peppering wet kisses on Deuce’s neck. Deuce had to decide, and quickly, what he wanted to do. He could tell Ace to stop right now and reignite the argument they’d been having, or he could enjoy the moment. He looked behind and saw Ace’s sweet freckled face. His choice was made. He could never deny Ace for long, his love for his former Captain was too strong. So even though it hurt him, he’d allow it. For one more night.

“C’mon, let’s go to my room,” Deuce offered. Ace smiled and threw Deuce over his shoulder, carrying him off to Deuce’s (much cleaner) room.

~~~

A few days later, the Moby anchored near a large island to restock supplies. Marco had granted Deuce shore leave after their work was complete, which was an exciting prospect. Deu wanted to get a copy of the latest newspaper and see his travel column in print. Ace, being a Commander, didn’t have to ask permission from anyone, so they made plans to explore the island together. After meeting up on the island, they set off to get the feel for the island. At first, it felt like old times, just the two of them investigating somewhere new. They walked around the island a bit, and found a restaurant that seemed like it would have an adequate supply of meat to keep Ace full.

Deuce was enjoying some quality time talking with Ace - while he ate plate after plate. Ace was telling Deuce about some rare variety of beetle he wanted to look for on the island. Deuce had heard a lot about Ace’s brother Luffy, including his love of insects and beetles in particular. It was endearing to Deuce that Ace continued to look for the ugly bugs as a way to maintain connection with his sibling. He enjoyed hearing about the local flora and fauna of islands and sometimes included Ace’s tidbits in his writing.

But like always, someone recognized Ace from his posters and wanted to talk to the handsome outlaw. And Ace, like always, responded and began a conversation with the stranger. Deuce sat at the table, feeling shunted off to the side as Ace began telling stories of being a Whitebeard Commander. He listened in silence for some time before he decided to leave and find a newspaper. At least he would meet one of his goals for shore leave. By that time, Ace had gathered a small crowd of adoring women - and a few men - who were hanging on his every word. Deuce cast one last glance at his love, who already had his arm over the shoulders of some woman, and left.

Deuce decided his best bet to find a recent paper would be in a bookstore. He could also pick up a few novels to entertain himself, since he had a feeling Ace wasn’t going to be available for the rest of the afternoon. Stewing in his own thoughts, he walked back towards the bookstore they had passed in their quest for a restaurant. Deuce entered the shop and went to look for the periodicals. 

Quickly finding what he needed, he looked for the most recent issue of the World Economy News Paper. Scanning through the pages, he found his article and skimmed through it. He was disappointed but not surprised it had been edited. He was thinking of comments to send to Morgan about the next one when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

“Excuse me, I hope I’m not bothering you. May I ask you a question?” An attractive young man stood next to Deuce, awaiting his response.

“If you’re looking for Ace, he’s at the restaurant down the street.” Deuce answered, looking back down at the paper. He had answered this question many times before, on many different islands.

The man tilted his head to the side, looking slightly confused. “I’m sorry, I’m not looking for an Ace.” Deuce looked up once more and gave the man his attention as he continued. “I couldn’t help but overhear in the restaurant that your name is Deuce. I know this is a long-shot, but are you the author of the travel column in the WENP?”

Deuce’s eyes opened wide. He’d never heard his column referenced…well, ever. No one talked about his writing with him, not even on the Moby. It might endanger his column if his readership found out he was a pirate on a Yonko crew, but he wanted to know why the man was asking.

“Ah, yes, actually. That’s me. May I ask why?” The man positively beamed at Deuce.

“Why? Why? You’re the most popular columnist in the newspaper! Everyone reads your articles before the rest of the paper! I can’t believe you are here on our terrible island! Are you going to write about it? Oh, I can’t wait to read what you have to say. I hope you rip this shithole to shreds!” The man was gushing at Deuce, who took a step back at the emphatic statements being declared by the stranger. The man realized his error and looked sheepish.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t bother you when you’re such a busy person. I’m just a huge fan. I’ll leave you alone now.” The man bowed his head slightly, turning his body to leave.

Deuce waved off the man’s comment, and replied with a kind smile “no, no, it’s OK. I’m simply surprised. No one has ever recognized me before.”

“I’m Raoul,” the man said, sticking out his hand. “My friends and I are all obsessed with your writing. Well, everyone is, but us in particular. We read everything you publish. And oh my god, I’m fangirling again. I’m sorry, Deuce.” Raoul was blushing, a cute look for him. 

Deuce laughed lightly, and replied “I don’t mind at all, it’s nice to hear that someone out there is reading it. You’ve made my day. And you can call me Deu.”

Raoul took a deep breath, and said “I hope this isn’t too forward, but I’d really like to make your night too. Would you like to come out on a date with me tonight? I’m sure you’re busy, but I know I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t ask.”

Deuce looked at Raoul, who was watching him with hope in his eyes. Deuce hadn’t felt so wanted in a long time. He thought about Ace, flirting and whatever else, right down the street. Well, Deuce didn’t have to wait around for Ace. He could live his life and enjoy it on his own terms, just like Ace wanted them to.

“I’d love nothing more, Raoul. Pick a place and time and I can meet you there.”

Deuce and Raoul coordinated plans for a date later that night and parted ways. Deuce covertly saw him skipping down the street in excitement. Heart lighter, Deuce paid for his newspaper and left the store with a grin. 

A few hours later, as he was sitting and reading at a cafe, Ace slumped into the seat across from Deuce. He leaned back, stretching his arms behind his head, and put his hat over his eyes. It looked like he’d tried to wipe lipstick off his face, somewhat successfully. Deuce ignored him.

“Whew, I thought I’d never get away from there! People, man. They just wanted to hear more and more. Had to run away to find you.”

Deuce hummed but didn’t reply, continuing to read. Ace was undeterred. 

“Anyway, some of the guys are going to the local pub in a bit. Do you want to join? I’m gonna. I think it could be a fun time.” 

“Oh, I can’t. I have a date,” replied Deuce casually.

Ace immediately sat up and leaned forward in his chair, putting his hat back on his head. “A date?! With who?”

“With Raoul.”

“Who’s Raoul?!”

“A fan. We’re meeting up soon actually, I should get going.”

“Your fan? Fan of what? And you don’t know him - what if he’s from another crew? What if it’s a trap and he’s a bounty hunter? This is a bad idea.” Ace had his arms crossed across his tan chest, drumming his fingers against his arm.

“He’s a fan of my writing. I can protect myself. I’m going. See you later, Ace.” With that, Deuce finished the last sip of the coffee in his mug, folded the newspaper, tucked it under his arm and left. It took everything in him not to turn around and see the look of jealousy he knew was on Ace’s face. He could feel the waves of heat coming off of Ace, but that wasn’t his problem. After all, Ace was emphatically not his boyfriend. 

~~~

Deuce spent a perfectly wonderful evening with Raoul. They dined, had a few drinks, and engaged in thought provoking conversation. Deuce enjoyed his time on the Moby, but he would be lying if he said he was always intellectually stimulated. Sure, he could talk to Marco, but the first Commander was usually busy and preferred medical literature over everything else. Deuce had dropped out of medical school for a reason - he didn’t want to spend his free time talking about viruses of the Grand Line. There were many other intelligent crewmates to talk to, but he seemed to be the only one interested in writing. 

Talking to Raoul was like entering another world. A world in which he wasn’t a pirate, wasn’t a former first mate, wasn’t a healthcare provider, but a journalist. The way Raoul described his columns made Deuce feel fulfilled in a way that he had been searching for his whole life. He wanted to know that people read his work, that they enjoyed it, that they found entertainment or solace in his words. That was what made his heart sing, not fighting or drinking. Deuce didn’t care how many readers he had, just that someone out there was reading what he wrote. 

It felt strange to be on a date with someone new - the overwhelming majority of Deuce’s romantic experience had been with Ace. He would be lying if he said he didn’t think about Ace during the date. With Ace, he was always the secondary to Ace’s primary. Ace led them on adventures, and Deuce followed. Ace found places to go, and Deuce joined along. He had even taken his nom de plume as a nod to Ace’s name, erasing his own identity to match his lover’s. Their dynamic usually worked well, with both men filling roles they enjoyed. Ace never treated Deuce like he was lesser, but being out with Raoul made Deuce realize he did carry some resentment towards his former Captain.

With Raoul, Deuce was his own complete person, not defined in relation to someone else. It was boosting his self esteem to be taken seriously as a man of words, something he found himself enjoying. He didn’t know if it was Raoul personally that was causing the feeling, or just the fact that someone was as full of admiration for him - maybe as much as he had for Ace. With that thought, Deuce realized he’d been ruminating on Ace for too long, and focused his mind on enjoying the present. The night went by quickly, and they talked until the restaurant informed them they were closing.

Deuce and Raoul finished their meal and started walking in the moonlight, hand in hand. Deuce walked Raoul back to his house, and was invited in. He thought about it, but gracefully declined. He did, however, take the opportunity to kiss Raoul. Raoul asked if Deuce would be around the following day, and they made plans for another date. After a final goodnight kiss, Deuce left his eager fan.

It was nice, thought Deuce. Kissing someone new was nice. It wasn’t electrifying, or exhilarating, or intoxicating like kissing Ace was. It didn’t consume him whole, leaving him lost in a haze of desire. It didn’t overwhelm his senses until there was nothing in the world except Ace’s lips on his own. It was just nice. He supposed that was good enough for now.

~~~

Heading back towards town, he wanted to see if everyone was still at the bar, drinking. He found the pub and heard familiar voices coming from the inside. He entered and saw his friends carousing together. Joining the fray, he ordered a beer and sat with the others. Apparently, news of his romantic outing had made the rounds, and several crew members asked him about it. Noticeably absent was Ace, who was giving him the stink eye from across the bar. Ignoring the Commander, Deuce shared information about his enjoyable night, including the invitation for another the following day. He drank a few more beers with his comrades, and decided to head back to the boat for the night. 

On his walk back, he heard running footsteps catching up with him. He sighed - he knew where this was headed.

“How was your date?” Ace spat at him.

“Lovely. Have another tomorrow.” 

“With Raoul?” Ace spat. Ace was being childish and Deu had no patience for it. Deuce gave him a cold look.

“Not really your business.” Deuce wasn’t going to engage in Ace’s jealousy and insecurity. He had set the rules for their non-relationship, not Deuce. Ace couldn’t eat his cake and have it too. Ace was fuming but didn’t say anything else. They parted ways once they were on the ship, still not talking. It was hard - something in Deuce wanted to apologize, even though he had nothing to apologize for. One day at a time.

~~~

The next day, Deuce went back to the island to meet up with Raoul. This time, Raoul had brought his friends, all of whom were excited to meet him. They raved about his writing, his wit, his creativity, and his ability to make or break the reputations of islands with a slash of his pen. They had copies of his columns, which they wanted him to autograph. It was overwhelming, but also quite fun. Some of them were aspiring authors themselves, and begged Deuce to edit and make suggestions on their pieces. Deuce felt a little dazed by all the attention, he wasn’t normally one to favor the spotlight. Raoul’s friends left after a few hours, leaving the two men for their second date. Deuce enjoyed his evening, and this time did accept the offer to continue his conversation with Raoul in his home. He did not return to the ship that night - for the first time since he became a Whitebeard Pirate.

Early the next morning, Deuce left a sleeping Raoul and made his way back. The Moby was leaving soon, and he needed to be on it. The two had parted on good terms, with Raoul promising to save every one of his columns in case Deuce ever wanted them. As the dinghy he was on made its way back to the Moby, he heard Ace yelling. Not a great sign, he thought to himself. He was guessing Ace was also on fire, though he couldn’t see it.

“....CAPTURED BY MARINES!? HOW DO YOU KNOW?” 

Deuce heard Marco reply calmly to Ace’s outburst. “I don’t think he was captured by the Marines, yoi. There aren’t any on the island.”

“THEN WHAT IF HE’S HURT?! FLY AROUND AND FIND HIM!”

“He’s not hurt. Look, he’s right there. Safe and sound yoi.” 

Ace, who was indeed on fire, quickly looked over the railing of the ship. Deuce waved. Ace glared and stomped off, still aflame. 

After coming aboard, Deuce headed to the infirmary for work. Deuce started his day by checking the updated patient charts, browsing through everyone’s progress. Deuce was flipping through a chart, reading about a patient’s improvements when Marco sidled up to him. Marco, ever the busybody, was quick to find him and ask about the previous night. For such a mature man, he thought, Marco sure wanted to have his beak in everyone’s business. 

“So, interesting night yoi?” Marco asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“You could say that,” Deuce replied, not putting down the chart. He knew the Commanders were the biggest gossip mongers on board, so he didn’t want to say too much in case it got back to Ace. 

“I’ve never seen you spend the night off the ship before.” It looked like Marco wasn’t letting Deuce go without some information.

“A date invited me to stay over, it was nice sleeping on land for a change.”

“Hmm. I thought you and Ace were…staying over together.”

Deuce just shrugged one shoulder with a small frown. He didn’t want to describe to Marco the mechanics of his non-relationship with Ace. Deuce put down one chart and picked up another. Marco looked at him with something akin to pity, ruffled his hair, and walked away. 

MARCO POV

Marco watched Ace spontaneously catch fire throughout the day, usually after glancing at Deuce. Deuce, for his part, was ignoring Ace altogether with much more success. Marco was sitting on the deck next to Izou, drinking their afternoon tea together.

“Should we help him? It’s hard to watch,” asked Izou.

“No, this is a good lesson for him to learn,” replied Marco. It was painful to watch Ace make such obvious mistakes, but there was nothing to be done. Some things had to be learned through experience alone.

“And what lesson is that?” Izou said with a sly smile.

“Never take love for granted yoi,” Marco replied, taking Izou’s hand from his tea cup and gently kissing it. 

ACE POV

It became a repeating pattern, much to Ace’s dismay and anger. They would go to new islands, someone would recognize Deuce, and talk to him endlessly about his writing. He was asked out for many dates, dinners, drinks, and more. Ace didn’t know how people recognized him, since Deuce’s picture wasn’t printed in the papers, but he was rising rapidly in popularity. Deuce suddenly didn’t have time for Ace, for explorations or adventures, or for their relationship. Truthfully, Ace was jealous of all these fans who were taking up Deuce’s time. 

The first time Deuce left the ship for an island without telling Ace, he almost burned the ship down with his untamed feelings. He didn’t know where Deuce was, and it didn’t feel right going to a new location without him. He asked around, but no one knew where Deuce had gone either. Getting increasingly annoyed and worried, he burned hotter and hotter, unable to stop his spiraling emotions. Finally, Marco told him that Deu had left for a date and to calm down because he was scorching the deck with his pacing. 

He wouldn’t admit it, but he had tracked Deuce down on the island. Spying on Deuce from afar, he saw Deu laughing with an adoring fan - who had an autographed copy of Deuce’s column in his hand. He realized he hadn’t seen Deuce that joyful since they’d joined the Whitebeard Pirates. It made him feel guilty that he hadn’t noticed Deuce was so unhappy before. He knew medicine wasn’t Deuce’s true passion, but he hadn’t seen that bright look in his eyes for months. Ace knew he wasn’t an intellectual match for Deuce - he never had been. He felt envious of the people who could talk to Deuce about his writing and engage him in that way. 

Ace started avoiding Deuce, not out of maliciousness, but because he couldn’t bear seeing him. Seeing Deuce just reminded him of his own failures. Every time he saw Deuce, he thought about how he had messed up their relationship, how Deuce was moving on, and how he had squandered his opportunity with the most significant person in his life. Seeing Deuce reminded him both of the good times they had shared, and that they were no longer having those kinds of adventures together. Ace had even asked Marco for advice, but it only made Ace feel worse.

“Do you think I can get him back?” Ace asked, feeling insecure. He’d found Marco in the Commander’s lounge, reading some book about Grand Line viruses. Marco was in the loop about everything on the ship, so Ace didn’t need to explain who or what he was talking about.

“It depends yoi,” answered Marco cryptically, closing the book to look at Ace.

“Depends on what?” Ace gritted out. Ace never liked word games or mysteries, especially when he was asking for help. 

“It depends on whether you’re someone he would want to come back to. Deuce’s most enduring trait is his loyalty. You’ve taken advantage of that and now he might be done. You’ve always acted like he’s a sure bet, someone you can treat as you want but always rely on. But he hasn’t been able to rely on you yoi. So, like I said, it depends.”

Marco’s words hit Ace hard. Ace thanked Marco automatically and left to go think over his words privately in his own room. Laying on his bed, Ace ran his fingers through his hair, trying to relieve his stress. Marco was right, Ace relied on Deuce so much, in so many ways. Deuce was his voice of reason, his cool head, his external source of confidence. Deuce was logical and analytical, able to see alternatives Ace would never think of on his own. When he was uncertain or unsure about any decision, he bounced his ideas off of Deuce. Deu was non-judgemental and thoughtful, kind and reflective. Ace always thought they balanced each other well.

Ace always felt lucky that someone like Deuce would want to talk to someone like him, much less be his lover. Someone as smart as Deuce could do anything, he didn’t have to be a pirate. Deuce had chosen life as an outlaw over a normal civilian life, and Ace felt he owed a lot of his success to Deuce. Ace showed Deuce parts of himself that few people saw - his insecurity, his depression, his issues with self worth. But the reverse was true as well. Deuce was witty, funny, and perceptive. He was reserved, you had to know him well for his true nature to be revealed. Though, Ace supposed, it was now being revealed to the world via his writing. No wonder so many fans wanted Deuce’s attention - they got to see that amazing side of him that had attracted Ace to him in the first place.

He thought back to his arguments with Deuce about their relationship and realized Deuce was right - Ace wanted the emotional and physical connection with Deu, but didn’t want to have to give up anything in return. It was selfish, and it was no wonder Deuce didn’t want to accept it.

Ace didn’t know what to do. He was the one who had rejected an exclusive relationship and was regretting it. He didn’t want to try to close the relationship now, that wasn’t fair to Deuce. Deuce had waited for Ace patiently in the shadows for years, never complaining when Ace got attention. Now that Deuce was the one getting noticed, he didn’t want to seem bitter and spiteful. If Deuce needed other people for his fulfillment, Ace wouldn’t get in his way.

Deuce POV

Deuce knew Ace was avoiding him. Before, even on a ship as large as the Moby, Deuce could always find Ace. They ate meals together or caught each other for a few moments on the deck to chat. Now, it was like Ace had vanished into thin air. Deuce didn’t have the time during the day to go find him, and was too upset to try at night. It seemed like they were going to go their separate ways, without so much as a goodbye.

A few days later, Deuce was taking a break, finishing a draft of a column in Marco’s office. Marco would let Deuce use the cozy room if it was unoccupied, which Deuce greatly appreciated. He felt someone watching him, and looked up to see Ace leaning against the door frame. He waited for Ace to speak first. Ace took off his cowboy hat and fiddled with it in his hands.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” There was awkward tension between them, something Deuce had never felt before. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m…I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like an asshole. I, uh, I’ve been jealous.” Ace was uncomfortable expressing himself, and Deuce was surprised to hear the honest confession.

“You’ve been jealous of the attention I’ve been getting?” Deuce asked.

“No, it’s not the attention exactly. I’m happy you’re finally getting noticed. You’re a great writer.” 

“How do you know I’m a great writer?” Deuce knew it was an antagonistic thing to say, but he couldn’t stop the acerbic remark from coming out. 

“I always read your column. It’s wonderful.” Ace was still fidgeting, but was starting to open up a little more. Deuce hoped that they could have a productive conversation and stop the bad energy between them.

“I didn’t know you read them.” Deuce had never seen Ace look at a newspaper, much less his writing.

“Of course I do. You make our adventures sound so fantastic. It’s like reliving it all over again. You just skip the parts with me in ‘em.” 

“Well, yeah. I can’t say that the reason I travel to these places is because I’m a Whitebeard pirate. I wouldn’t get published. But I include what you tell me sometimes, usually about the local bugs.”

“Guess so.” Ace entered Marco’s office and sat on the couch, closing the door behind him. He sat on the couch across from the desk, looking everywhere except Deuce’s face.

“So why are you jealous then? If it’s not the writing, is it the dates? You get tons of attention everywhere we go, and I never say anything.”

“Yeah, I don’t like all the dates and hookups and stuff people invite you to.” Ace was kicking at the rug on the floor of the room, still avoiding Deu’s eyes.

“But, isn’t that what you wanted? To be free to have adventures on the high seas?” 

“No. Well, yeah. I thought I wanted that. But I don’t.”

“What do you want then? I can’t read your mind, and I don’t like the way you’ve been acting.”

Ace stood up and crossed over to where Deuce was. He sat slouched over on Marco’s desk, facing Deuce, finally looking him in the eyes.  “I just want you. I want you all to myself. I know it’s selfish. I know it’s too late for me, for us. I know I’ve been bad for you. I thought I wanted to have lots of different experiences, with lots of different people. But I don’t. I only want you. Watching you go out with other people has been killing me.”

“...Ace…”

Ace deflated and put his forehead against Deuce’s. Speaking softly now, he continued “No, I know. I don’t deserve to have you back. I wasn’t treating you right. I always thought you’d be there for me, waiting for when I needed you. And when you weren’t…I couldn’t handle it. I know we’re over. You deserve better. And I know you need someone who can talk to you about your work. I know the kind of stuff you want to talk about and I know I can’t give that to you. I just…wish I had realized what we had before. You can go out and do whatever you want. I’ll stop bothering you so much.” Ace started to move away, but was caught by Deuce pulling him back.

“You’re an idiot,” Deuce said flatly.

“Yeah,” Ace said dejectedly, looking down. 

“You hurt me a lot.”

“I’m sorry,” Ace whispered.

“I missed you.”

Ace looked at Deuce, searching his face to determine if Deu was lying. “You did? You always looked like you were having so much fun on your dates.”

Deuce tilted his head in curiosity. “And how would you know? Were you following me?”

Ace turned bright red, and said “uh, no, I just…happened to be in the same area a couple times.”

Deuce lightly laughed and said, “You’ve always been such a bad liar. I saw you skulking about, on two different islands. You could have just talked to me about all this. Even the jealousy stuff. You know, communicate.”

“I didn’t know what to say. I want you for myself, but I…I want you to be happy even more than that. I don’t want to hold you back. You’re going to do great things, I can feel it. Even if they’re not with me.”

“They could be.” 

“What do you mean?” Ace looked at Deuce skeptically.

“Adventures aren’t as much fun alone or with strangers. I missed you a lot. Not one of those dates was as fun as a single afternoon with you.”

Ace looked up at a softly smiling Deuce. “Would you…take me back?”

“I could be convinced.”

Ace gripped Deuce’s chin with his fingers and angled his face down towards his own. “You won’t regret it. I’m gonna be with you only you… I’ll be… boyfriend…the best boyfriend…I can’t believe you’d let me…I’m so lucky….thank you, I’m gonna -” Ace was babbling, thinking of all the promises he wanted to make to Deuce. Deuce looked fondly at Ace.

“I know,” said Deuce. With that, he closed the distance between them and kissed his lover. His Captain. His partner. His.

[seat-safety-switch]

Tires cost a fortune. You can buy a car for $200, or at least you used to be able to, and easily spend double that on a set of rock-hard ditch-finders from the local tire shop. When I asked a tire company executive about it, they weasel-worded some mouth grease about tires being “expensive to ship.” Obviously, the only way I was going to get through this was to open a tire factory of my own.

This isn’t unusual. Tire factories used to dot this proud nation in a time before AliExpress and Amazon Secondus. Folks just like you and I would go to work and eke out a reasonable, middle-class existence – with a pension – putting high-quality tires under our neighbours’ cars, for cheap. Eventually, some spreadsheet said this was no longer cost-effective, and now we have to order our tires from another country.

I’m sure they have lots of good reasons for this. Tires are a lot better since the sixties and seventies: for instance, when it starts to snow, not everyone within a 50 mile radius of your car is instantly killed. You can brake harder into corners and also take them at greater speed, without them getting all greasy and knobbly as they heat up. You would expect this improved technology to cost more money, which means that the big tire executives needed to outsource it in order to make the final price more affordable.

Of course, this is patented bullshit. If you’re not interested in profit, you can make inexpensive, good tires all day long. Switch Tire Company, being technically a subsidiary of Switch Investment Corporation, is run entirely at a loss. We simply bet against ourselves every day, shorting our stock on the open market. People take the other side of it, maybe because we keep renaming our company to things like “Switch Blockchain Expressions” or “Switch Artificially Intelligent Hookerbots,” the sort of names that make the casual Wall Street Tier 1 investment bank think that we’re up-and-comers. Then we pour the money we made off their backs into running off a new set of race tires.

Sure, I could have used this kind of business acumen to do something other than lose money making tires for shit-box cars. How else was I going to be able to find 13-inch tires that are 10 inches wide?

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 21: Jameson's Threat

Masterlist

September 1925

TW: Captivity, mind control, hypnosis, abusive language, dehumanization

"Oh, he's much too rich for me. I just wanted to take a look at him, see how the ultra-wealthy eat."

"It's nice to see such a high-quality thrall. I'll admit, I'm impressed."

"I think he'd be a bit wasted on me. The sort of thrall you only bring out when there's fancy company, if you catch my meaning."

"I'm always on the lookout for a thrall that can be trusted with household matters, and I think he'd get along well with my Daisy."

Oliver spent what seemed like an eternity being poked and examined and remarked upon by vampire after vampire, all dressed in their Sunday best (not that vampires, he supposed, went to church) and all eager to catch a glimpse of the marquee merchandise. He bowed and introduced himself and tried to make himself appealing and subservient, and every time he wavered even slightly, Miss Lily was there to quiet him. He couldn't count on Lord Alexander, and he had to be sold, or risk a worse fate. That much was more than clear to him.

He derived at least some small comfort by the fact that he was in such high demand. He'd never experienced anything like it, always being the sort of person who was small and quiet and overlooked, even as far back as grade school.

"So this garbage is what passes for a luxury thrall in this city?" The vampire was pale as a ghost, with watery brown eyes and an expensive looking suit.

Distress shot through Oliver at the growled question. "I'm -- I'm sorry, sir, if I've offended --"

"Ugh, the thing talks," he said with a look of utter disgust. "I don't know why they allow this at a high-end auction. I don't need my livestock begging for their lives."

"Many of the patrons of our auction are looking for thralls capable of handling household chores, so we always offer some with their minds intact," said Miss Lily, in a tone that didn't fully mask her annoyance. "You're welcome to look at some of our other offerings if you're interested in fully erased humans."

"All the erased here are low grade, barely fit for a gutter leech. I'm not paying good money for bad blood. I could just have this one erased after I buy him," said Lord Jameson.

No level of trance was going to keep Oliver from panicking at that. "Sir -- but --"

"Quiet," said Lord Jameson, and the word sank Oliver -- not like when Miss Lily did it, but like being pulled under quicksand, chest constricted, struggling to breathe. "You'll be erased, rendered mute and illiterate, and live in my pens, and you'll be grateful for it. Dumb cattle."

Oliver gasped for air, the room spinning around him. He thought he'd escaped that fate. He'd consoled himself that was going to end up a servant, not necessarily the life he would have chosen, but a tolerable one. He thought he'd avoided having his precious intelligence stolen from him, being turned into nothing more than an animal. He was a fool. He'd always be in that sort of danger as long as he lived among vampires.

His knees hurt. He realized the reason why a second later -- he'd hit them on the wooden floor as he'd collapsed.

"Lord Jameson, I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from traumatizing the merchandise until you've paid for it!"

"As if he --"

Oliver's head was swimming. The voices around him became muffled. He felt as if he was outside his body, watching himself faint. Then everything went black.

"Oliver. Oliver!"

His eyes snapped open. Miss Lily was pulling him to a sitting position. He looked around frantically, but --

"I saw Lord Jameson out. He's gone," she said. "Damn him! You were doing so well."

"Is he --" said Oliver, coughing, his mouth dry. "Is he going to -- is he going to buy me, sir?"

"Here. Water," said Miss Lily, offering him a cup. She rubbed his back soothingly as he drank. "He may try. I can't promise you he won't. And he is rich. But there are others interested in buying you as well."

"I'm sorry, Miss Lily, but I don't want him to -- "

"I know. I understand. Take a deep breath for me, Oliver, and be quiet."

He did as she instructed and welcomed the blankness that invaded his mind.

"Oliver, dear, look at me," she said, and her fingers were fluttering in front of his face. "Watch. Back and forth. You're so tired. Sleepy. Watch my fingers. Making you sleepy," she said in a rapid patter. "Relax. Sleepy. Back and forth. Eyes are closing. Watch my fingers. Getting sleepy. Shut your eyes. Go to sleep."

The hypnotic commands overwhelmed Oliver's already overwhelmed mind, and his eyes fell shut, his head resting on Miss Lily's shoulder.

"That's it, Oliver. Just take a little nap and you'll feel so much better. Forget about what just happened. Let it grow hazy in your mind. Sleep and forget, dear, sleep and forget."

There wasn't any real comfort here, just a vampire hypnotizing him into complacency, but even an artificial peace was better than none. He allowed his thoughts to slip, the memory of what had just occurred to dull. He curled against Miss Lily, who patted his hair with a cold hand and whispered suggestions of sleep in his ear.

"Oliver, Oliver dear, are you feeling better now?" Miss Lily's voice sounded like it was coming from far away. "I have an old friend who wants to see you. Wake up."

He rubbed at his eyes, wondering how long he'd been out for. He was still in a showroom, Miss Lily holding the chain of his handcuffs, and he wasn't... quite... sure what had just happened, only that it had been awful.

Miss Lily helped him to his feet. "Thanks for waiting, Ruth. He's normally a doll, but we ran into a little trouble with Jameson."

"Oh, it's no trouble!" The nearby vampire was wearing a well-tailored suit and had a fashionable bob cut. "Jameson also makes me wish to curl up into a ball and die, so I fully understand." The two laughed.

Lord Jameson. Yes. That had been it. He had threatened Oliver with a fate far worse than death. Thanks to Miss Lily, it seemed further away, bearable. After all, Lord Jameson was only one of several people who were interested in buying him.

"Pleased to meet you, sir," Oliver said, bowing to Miss Ruth.

"How polite and dapper," Miss Ruth said. "Let me take a good look at you." She took Oliver's chin and turned it back and forth, looked him deep in the eye, then grasped his arms to have him turn around in a circle, his ball gown swishing. "Fine stock. Excellent blood. And you say he has his intelligence still?"

"Yes, his mind is well-preserved, if I do say so myself," said Miss Lily. 

"Excellent." Miss Ruth had an odd gleam in her eye as she addressed Oliver. "I'm a lawyer, boy, and my thralls pull double duty as my clerks. If I buy you, I'll work you to the bone. Paperwork up to your neck, filing as far as the eye can see. You won't get that with any other vampire here. What do you think of that?"

So, effectively the opposite of Lord Jameson -- but the normal unappealing prospect of spending the rest of his life doing unpaid clerical work for a vampire seemed like paradise compared to having his mind wiped and living in an animal pen. "I'd be honored that you appreciate my intelligence, sir."

She nodded approvingly. "Good answer, boy. Let's see how well trained you are. Eyes on me. Name and date of birth."

"Oliver Pines, July 1, 1899, sir."

"What's the capital of Vermont, New York, Florida?"

"Montpelier, Albany, and uh -- Tallahassee. Sir."

"Three branches of the government."

"Legislative, executive, judicial, sir."

"Stand on one foot and hop three times."

He dutifully did so, thankful that he hadn't been given women's shoes to wear as his stockinged foot thumped on the floor. There was something strangely nice about being commanded like this, of having his simple obedience rewarded.

"Well done. Now go to sleep." She snapped near his ear, and Oliver was out like a light, caught in Miss Ruth's arms. "Awake." And he was up again, blinking.

"Yes, he'd do, he'd do quite well. I'm sure he'd easily pick up the training he needs," she said. "Shame about the price, but we'll see."

"I hope I can be of service to you, sir," said Oliver. Any option in the mix that reduced his chances of being purchased by Lord Jameson was fine by him.

Part 20 >> Masterlist >> Part 22

Thanks for reading this story of Oliver's distress.

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin @whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist @snakebites-and-ink @sl33py-pup @diamond-blade-blog @ivycloak @ladyjaye13 @irregular-book

[monstersw1thv1bes]

so guys how are we feeling? i have a few things to say. my thoughts, in no particular order:

steven said very, very little. ryan and Shane were mostly speaking. but honestly with the hate he's been receiving? i don't blame him. nobody had any proof Steven made the decision on his own and yet the internet unanimously decided thats what happened.

saying you're close to shutting down the company when you've literally just hired new people you didn't need? i mean, that doesn't necessarily mean it's a lie, but it shows very, very poor management at the least.

they need to hire less creative people rn. hire someone to run finance. hire someone to run marketing. hire people who actually know what the fuck they're doing when it comes to making sure a business thrives if you're going to hire new people at all.

you want to be a business, you need to stop thinking like a youtube channel. this is why you can't just start a company with your friends if none of you have business experience in this day and age.

unfortunately when you run a business, you have to lay off people you don't need sometimes. better yet: train people you don't need to do the job you want to hire somebody else to do (my boss does this so you can't tell me it doesn't work). loyalty to your employees breeds loyalty to your company, but you can't just let people keep doing something you don't need them to do if you want to run a succesful business.

if you can't pay your staff, why can you drop 55k on your wedding?

if you can't pay your staff, why can you afford to travel abroad and eat literal gold?

if you can't pay your staff, why are you compromising on your integrity instead of literally any of the expensive things your company is doing?

i love how they didn't once adress that they could literally save money by dropping the shows nobody wants to see. if you have so many loyal fans and some of your shows aren't doing well, you can't just blame the youtube algorithm: that is people actively making a choice not to watch something.

they didn't say anything about the high quality production of shows, either. they would have been completely in their right to say "our goal was always to produce TV-quality content and while we know you guys don't need that from us, we don't want to compromise on that goal" (even though I disagree on them always needing that quality, i would have accepted such a statement) but i feel like not mentioning it at all makes the video feel more like damage control than them actually listening to their fans.

the changes they've now made should have been how they went about this from the start if they were dead set on a streaming service.

i'm curious to see how others respond to this. to me it genuinely does feel like damage control. i'm probably not going to watch them anymore. we'll see how i feel when new content does make it to the plebs who get to watch it for free /j.