#when I was a child I hated aircon but now I’ll take what I can get

[terror-of-the-seas]

There’s a cool wind coming in my window for the first time in ages and I’m thanking every god I know bc I’m SUFFERING last night it was still 22°c at 11pm and upstairs (where the bedrooms are) gets so hot during the day it takes a miracle to cool it so I was just lying here in front of my fan spritzing water trying not to die

[purplesurveys]

1466

survey by azari

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? I don’t really have a choice of...drinking source, lol. But coffee’s my favorite drink besides water, so I guess I’ll go with the mugs.

Bubblegum or cotton candy? Bubblegum. I’ve never appreciated cotton candy beyond thinking they’re pretty.

How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Shy and aloof, which are true anyway. I didn’t make an effort to be present because I didn’t want to be there anyway and because it was difficult for me to make friends at the start.

Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? I don’t drink soda.

Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds.

Movies or TV? I seem to be preferring TV series now, as long as they’re already finished. You’ll never see me watching one that’s still ongoing as I hate waiting, lol. As for movies, I haven’t regularly seen them in years.

Favorite smell in the summer? Summer here isn’t as sunshine and rainbows as it is in other countries. It’s just the blistering heat, humidity, and everyone smelling like sweat.

Game you were best at in P.E./gym? Table tennis because I actually play it. But a fun little discovery I had was when we took up futsal and learning I also was kind of good in it, especially as a goalkeeper.

What do you have for breakfast on an average day? Iced coffee, if that counts.

Name of your favorite playlist? I didn’t make it but there’s a public playlist on Spotify called “BTS angry playlist (ugh focused)” that I like to have on when I’m tense or needing to go into overdrive for work.

Lanyard or key ring? Keyring. 

Favorite non-chocolate candy? Gummy worms and gummy versions of anything, really.

Favorite book you had to read for school? Dekada ‘70, which is about Martial Law in the Philippines.

Most comfortable position to sit in?  Idk, it depends what I’m sitting on.

Most frequently worn pair of shoes? My Adidas x Ivy Park pair.

Ideal weather? Rainy and cloudy with the occasional thunder and lightning.

Pencils or pens? Pens.

Obsession from childhood? Books. I loved to read and always smuggled in a book to school since we weren’t allowed to bring in books that weren’t our textbooks.

Favorite crystal? I have never cared for crystals.

Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Go to the beach, take a dip, and sunbathe. If I’m nowhere near the sea, I’d rather stay indoors, have the aircon on, and stay in bed.

Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Travel.

Five songs to describe you? I don’t feel like narrowing them down rn.

Best way for someone to bond with you? I was gonna say going to a museum with me but I really prefer to do that on my own haha...I would say going out at night! I get the chattiest by evening so it’d be cool to have fun conversations over dinner.

Top 5 favorite Vines? Child rapist, free shavocado, look at this graph, could’ve dropped my kwason, and huzzah.  

Ads you have stuck in your head? None at the moment fortunately.

Average time you fall asleep? Anywhere between midnight to like 2 AM.

What is the first meme you remember seeing? Trollface back in the vintage glory days of 9gag.

Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Backpack. I rarely use the two others.

Lemonade or tea? Lemonade.

Last person you texted? My mom after she asked for an update on my whereabouts yesterday.

Jacket pockets or pants pockets? I don’t care, they’re just pockets.

Favorite type of jacket? Windbreakers probably. I like how they look.

Favorite scent for soap? I don’t have one. As long as they get the job done I’m fine with any.

Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? These are literally my top 3 least favorite genres when it comes to anything.

What clothes do you sleep in? Thin ones because it’s warm where I live.

Favorite type of cheese? Feta.

What saying or quote do you live by? “Everything goes” or “It’s no big deal.”

What are you currently stressed about? It’s Sunday and I go back to work tomorrow and I’m still baffled why 3-day weekends aren’t a thing to begin with.

Favorite font? I don’t have one.

What did you learn from your first job? I’m a lot better at talking to people and even approaching them first. As much as I get anxious from my job now, that’s my biggest takeaway that I’ll always appreciate.

Favorite fairy tale? I was never into them.

Favorite tradition? Idk Christmas? just because it lets me have two weeks off work, haha.

Talent you're proud of having? Writing. I can make a lot of things come to life from writing and I’ve always enjoyed doing it whether for leisure or for work.

If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I’ve never thought about this and I’m not about to start to now.

If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? Idk, maybe just drama since that’s also my favorite genre.

Character you relate to? Squidward from Spongebob? Ha.

Favorite website from your childhood? Just Y8, lol. That’s all I was allowed on other than YouTube anyway.

Any scars? I have a few.

Favorite flower? Peonies.

Any good luck charms? I don’t believe in those.

Least favorite flavor of food or drink? COCONUT.

Left or right handed? I’m right-handed.

Least favorite pattern? I’m not a fan of some checkered looks.

Worst subject in school? Chemistry.

Favorite weird flavor combo? Hotdogs and marshmallows, I’d say? Those two are a usual combination especally at Filipino birthday parties.

When did you lose your first tooth? It was in the middle of class when I was in Prep.

Favorite potato food? Croquettes.

Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? I’d take the sushi. I don’t trust anything that’s meant to be consumed when they come from a gas station.

Earth tones or jewel tones? Earth. I’m not actually sure what jewel tones refer to.

Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies.

PC or console gaming? Consoles. I was never into PC games.

Writing or drawing? Writing.

Podcasts or talk radio? Neither, and I don’t generally enjoy either format. But if I had to go with one of these I’d pick talk radio since I do recall one radio talk show that I enjoyed listening to when I was still in college.

Barbie or Polly Pocket? Barbie, though I never really played with either.

Fairy tales or mythology? Mythology just because I did enjoy reading Percy Jackson as a teenager. Not a fan of both genres though.

Cookies or cupcakes? Cupcakes.

Your greatest fear? Getting impaled or being in a plane crash.

Your greatest wish? To never have to worry about money.

Who would you put before everyone else? Myself.

Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Cove lights. Sorry it’s not in your selection, haha.

Nicknames? The most notable one I’ve got is Byn, which is used by close family.

Favorite season? Wet.

Favorite app on your phone? YouTube.

What is your desktop background? BTS.

How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Just my maternal grandma’s, which is a given because I also lived in that house with that landline for 10 years.

Favorite historical era? I don’t have a favorite...I enjoy reading and learning about all of them.

[infernalrevenge]

Hoodwinked

Fandom: Choices - Foreign Affairs

Pairing: F!Blaine Hayes x M!MC (Magnus Quezon)

Rating: G

Summary: Blaine gets to know Magnus better through his hoodie.

Notes: Making more F!Blaine x M!MC food due to the power of encouragement. I am once again mostly sticking to fluff with them. Enjoy!

----------

It was the home stretch until the dreaded debate project deadline, so Blaine and Magnus decided to try to camp out in the campus library to finalize all the details. They were hardly the only people to have that idea though, so by the time they made it there, it was already jam-packed with students, occupying every seat and every electrical outlet in the place. The campus cafe provided them no such solace either.

That was what led them to a cafe not too far from campus. Tatum and Jacob had vetted the place at their request, and of course stayed at a table close by. Just to ensure that neither of them would draw too much attention, they were dressed more casually than usual -- Magnus in a navy blue zip-up hoodie, sweatpants, non-prescription glasses, and a snapback to cover his fiery red hair. Blaine sported a long-sleeved cotton shirt and jeans, her hair tied up out of her face and wearing some glasses of her own.

Whatever Magnus thought about her actually needing something to correct her vision, he kept to himself. She was never going to stop teasing him if he actually told her she looked good in them.

The two of them shared a booth in one corner of the cafe, exchanging notes and discussing counterpoints to arguments that may come up in certain topics. All the while, the Ardonian tried to ignore the fact that they were seated right underneath the air conditioning unit blasting freezing cold air in the place. Despite her get up, it really didn't help much at all, her hairs still standing on end as if it helped protect her from the elements, the cold pricking her skin anyway. Her legs at least had the table to thank for blocking out most of the air, but her upper body was a different story. She tried her best to focus on the tasks at hand, ignoring the chills that ran through her and the loud snorts she made in an effort to clear her stuffy nose.

Eventually, Magnus did come to notice her predicament, offering to exchange places with her and buy her another hot drink.

"You know the aircon is aimed down at both of us, right?" she replied, looking up at the unit above. Her voice was slightly off due to her stuffed nose. She shook her head at the offer, "I just wanna get this done. The sooner we do, the sooner we can get out."

"Well you're not exactly focusing when you're right across from me, freezing your ass off," Magnus replied.

"Come on, we're almost done anyway, right?" Blaine just kept deflecting. The last thing she needed on her mind was how she was actually feeling.

"We still need finishing statements for the latter half of topics. We can do these tomorrow if--"

"No, what's left? Let's just get what we can done."

As if shaking off the cold, she got back to work on her own laptop, seemingly back to normal programming. Magnus started doing the same...

...until he heard her sniffling once more.

Without a word, the Rutherlandian shed off his hoodie and handed it over to the girl. She merely raised an eyebrow at him. "Ever the gentleman, huh?"

"You clearly need it more than I do."

"And what happens when you get cold too, Rutherland? Should I snuggle up next to you so we can both be warm?"

Magnus tried to ignore how the thought of that actually did make him feel warmer, but he just smiled amusedly.

"I'll be fine, trust me. Just take it before I change my mind."

Blaine took it with a slight smirk, pulling her arms through the lined sleeves. Immediately, she felt much more comfortable, helped by the fact that the boy had practically kept it warm the whole time. It sat almost awkwardly on her -- he wasn't that much taller, but their body builds were certainly different, and while it fit him perfectly, it was oversized on her. Still, it was a welcome relief, and she was finally able to concentrate.

Taking a quick break from typing to warm up her hands, she shoved them in the pockets of the hoodie, only to find something already in them. "Mini candy bars?" she asked, taking one out. "Didn't know Halloween came early this year."

"They're dark chocolate with dried fruit and nuts in them," Magnus supplied, seemingly unbothered by the cold despite shedding a layer, wearing only a black t-shirt. "You can have one if you want."

Blaine made a slight face, not quite impressed with that description. "If I'm gonna eat chocolate, I'm not gonna pretend like it's healthy for me."

"It's good, I promise! I used to hate them when I was a kid and they were the only sweets my mom willingly got for me, but now I've actually come to like them."

"Are you saying I have the palate of a child, Rutherland?"

"I'm saying don't knock it 'til you try it, Ardona."

Blaine rolled her eyes -- he's learning too much from her. After a few moments, Magnus returned to his laptop, unaware that she took him up on his offer and decided to eat a bit of the candy for herself.

Not bad, she thought. It wasn't what she would normally go for for a sweet fix, but she had to admit that the flavors and textures actually worked well together. Maybe she could get away with taking one more. She slipped one more into the pocket of her jeans, licking her fingers clean before re-focusing.

Hours passed and their respective bodyguards reminded them of the time, deciding to turn in for the night. They were escorted back to campus, the ride home silent but comfortably so. In their tiredness, Magnus had forgotten to ask Blaine for his hoodie back brfore getting dropped off, but he decided to just ask for it after class tomorrow -- he wouldn't miss it for just one night.

Meanwhile, back in her own suite, Blaine crashed onto her own bed exhausted, still in her clothes that day, just barely managing to kick off her shoes and undo her hair before settling in. She breathed in the familiar scent of her sheets, yet it was mixed in with something different. When she tried to remove her glasses, that was when she realized she still had Magnus' hoodie on from earlier. It felt cozy, the thick fabric warming her up enough that she only needed to pull the sheets up to her legs.

Unconsciously, she buried her nose in it and inhaled deeply, taking in its scent. It smelled like his cologne -- clean linen with a hint of vanilla. She sometimes caught a whiff of it in passing or when they were seated next to each other, but having a closer look (or rather, smell) at it was an entirely different experience. Her arms littered with goosebumps as she kept taking it in, snuggling into the hoodie and reveling in its softness. It was much more comforting than she may have allowed herself to let on, feeling as if she can be close to Magnus in this way. It's kinda like... cuddling him, she thought, letting it linger in her mind as it warmed her from the inside out.

She barely realized what she was doing, the haze of sleep clouding her judgement as she zipped it all the way up, enveloped in the scent of him as she drifted off to a deep and restful sleep.

.

.

.

(When Magnus got his hoodie back the next day, he did not notice how it smelled a bit different -- citrus fruits and honey. Like Blaine's perfume. And he most definitely did not deliberately keep it off him for a while just to preserve the scent. But he did find a few milk chocolates in its pockets. Dionne could attest to seeing him eat some while they hung out at their suite.)

[optimisticweird]

As stated in my previous post, I’ll be sharing in here the things I did, and of course, the photos from my supposed backpacking trip which turned going home trip for the reason that I couldn’t get rid of my reluctantancy, or hesitancy, rather,  and my fear to go alone because the local tourists spots are kinda far from where I was.

1. Taking a different route and a different ferry.

It took my friend/ now roommate a couple of times to convince me to go home with her to our province and to take her route (Cebu – Baybay) and try a different ferry because I thought the ferry we’d take would make me regret the day I was born 😁 since its travel duration (6 hrs) is twice longer than that of a fast craft which I always take. But kidding aside, when I finally got in, to my surprise, it turned out to be one of the best things ever invented and I couldn’t contain my happiness and amazement, although I had a couple of things running on my mind at the same time.

It is totally different from the fast craft from the Cebu – Ormoc route I take. The fast craft is small and it only has seats so people can’t lie down if they want to, while this one is big (probably thrice its size) and it doesn’t only have seats, but also decks (beds). There is a small prayer room, and a vip room for the staff. Everything I love having in one place are here — TV, aircon, CR, comfortable bedspace, and cafeteria, except the wifi, and it’s already a good deal for me because it’s cheaper even though it travels overnight. Going home is closer and cheaper from Baybay as well, but most importantly, the chance of me getting seasick is very low because even though it is slow, I cannot feel that it’s moving on the surface of the sea since it is a big ferry.

In the picture I look like I am upset or sad, but that’s just my face when I’m serious as I have an RBF. I was watching TV then. (I’m sorry I forgot to take photo of the ferry. 😦)  This experience taught me to not be afraid to try or to risk esp. when someone is or other people are there to support, and if not for my friend, I wouldn’t have experienced it and wouldn’t have been able to save much on fares. So nice of her. I couldn’t be more thankful for her kindness. ☺

2. Meeting new people.

She offered to stay at their house since it was around 4 am when we arrived and still dark so I went with her.

Staying at other people’s house isn’t something new to me but I still kind of find it hard at times to adapt. Good thing her family is nice. They were hospitable. They let me eat their food and use their stuff like the wifi and bed. It just felt like I was home when I was there. I also learned a lesson that is we don’t need to really know a person to give them help because anyone who’s in need of it is deserving.

I took this photo outside their house at around 5 am. I had missed this kind of sunrise.

Other photos from Baybay.

3. Visiting VSU (Visayas State University)

Before heading to my hometown Dulag, I made sure I’d get to visit this university which is popular in the province for its branches, the quality of education they provide and of course, its vast area.

I first learned about this when I was in 4th yr high school because some of their staff went to our school and they introduced to us their school and what courses they offer. I was totally amazed with their map on the brochure and since then I had been dreaming to get there.

Good thing a friend of mine whom I met and was one of my close workmates at a previous job and is studying there offered to tour me around. We met around 5 pm because she had exams on the day, so we only got to stroll around the upper part of the university but even though I didn’t get to see the whole area, I was already happy because another bullet has been checked off of my list.

By the way, there is where I’m planning to enroll this coming January but I’m still not sure if I really will be able to. Wish me luck. 😊

4. Visiting mom’s (stepdad’s) place

I headed here the day after I visited VSU because I had decided not to go for my plan to go check the other local tourist spots alone. I don’t know if it is only me, but sometimes I overthink. It makes me conscious when people start looking at me just because I’m the only one taking pictures. (Stupid, eh? 😁 Pardon me. 😊)

So I visited my mom, stepdad and sister in a barangay in our municipality. My mom’s partner isn’t really someone I like for her not only because the idea of having a stepdad never came into mind before, but also for the fact that his children don’t really like my mom even when their mom has already passed away just like my dad. However, there’s not much I can do for now. I cannot take them away from him because it’s not going to be easy as they are not like teenagers, and I don’t have my own place yet here in Cebu which I could let them stay and it’s not as if they would even like the idea of moving here. He’s actually okay and nice though, yet I still wish my mom didn’t entertain him. Call it selfishness or whatever, but I think some people could actually understand where I’m coming from.

Anyway, aside from the reason I mentioned on my previous post that I was afraid my uncle (mom’s only brother who really hates me for what I did) might visit there and see me and hurt me, I also don’t like staying there so I opted to stay at my another uncle’s (my late father’s brother) in another barangay. But before I headed there, my mom and I had a catch up talk. I also gave her shirts (from ukay ukay) I brought from Cebu as they are really cheap here but still good. (I’m not much a fan of ukay-ukay, though.)

5. Staying at my uncle’s place and visiting our abandoned house.

Their house is close to ours (my late father’s house) and I used to go there when I was a child so it wasn’t my first time to stay there and sleepover. They are also the immediate people we would run to every time there was a problem at home and when we needed help. They have always been welcoming esp. now that my uncle is the chairman of the barangay.

My aunt knows that I don’t like staying at my mom’s so she welcomed me. Her daughter who is my age and has been one of my best friends since we were kids was also there so staying, using their stuff and eating their food just felt normal. It was as if I was home. They gave me the same treatment that my friend’s family in Baybay did, so I was able to contemplate on my options and relax although the phone signal was very weak I could barely get online.

We have to cross this river to get to our houses so my uncle had built this improvised bridge.

      So my supposed backpacking trip turned into a staycation trip, staycation at other people’s places. My bad. 😁

When I was there, I took the chance to visit our abandoned house as I really had missed it. I felt sad upon seeing it because its roofings are still good but then its other materials are slowly rotting. Weeds are surrounding it but it’s still liveable. I wonder if mom is willing to let other people use it, or if there are people who would love to stay there.

This is our house and our more than 15 year old well.

This house has a lot of memories I’ll forever keep in my heart and I would love to pay it a visit every once in a while in the future so it should be maintained, I thought to myself.

6. Taking my younger sis to Tacloban City.

It’s the only the city that’s close to us (There are two other cities — Ormoc City and Baybay City in Leyte, by the way.), so I decided to take my sister out on a date because I know my mom barely takes her when she goes to the town and esp. to the city.

So I took her to the mall, had window shopping yet we bought some groceries and we dined at Jollibee. We couldn’t make the most of our visit, though, because the weather was bad and when we arrived home, it was already 9 pm which is already late in the province (’cause it’s too early for the people in the city). But at least we got to spend some time together and that’s what matters.

7. Having fun at Camp Cawayan Resort.

The day before I headed back to friend’s in Baybay, I, together with my only one younger brother (who stays at mom’s sister, because my other younger brother who stays at mom’s brother was busy and we didn’t get to take our youngest sister ’cause we weren’t sure she can swim and we were in hurry as we just rented the motorbike we used,) and 2 cousins went here as I’d been itching to swim in a swimming pool like I always do.

I really love plunging into any body of water because not only it is refreshing, but also I get to improve my swimming skills each time and I become more confident with myself when I’m in the water. (Also, the supertyphoon Yolanda wayback in November 2013 made me realize more than any occassion, about the importance of swimming.)

8. Taking a look at our barangay.

Before leaving for Baybay, I went to the center of our barangay to take a ride to our town proper, but while I was waiting I visited my two aunts whose houses are close to this momument. I checked on them and had some catch up talk.

I used to hang out and play around this monument of General Roxas (which our brgy is named after) with my childhood friends when I was a kid.

This is where I studied Grade 1 until Grade 5. (General Roxas Elementary School) 👇

9. Roadtripping (not literally, though 😁).

On my way back to Baybay, I was lucky to be seated on the front seat of the van because it’s my favorite spot as I get to enjoy seeing the views of the places we pass along and I love it more when there is a good music in the background.

  View this post on Instagram

What do I love about road trip? It is this. 😊 #roadtrip #travel #leytephilippines #destinationsph #countryside #nature

A post shared by Erma Lazada ♡ (@lazada.erma) on Nov 2, 2017 at 10:38pm PDT

I was so glad that there’s not so many houses on the national road from Dulag to Baybay because I find the nature’s view more appealing when I’m riding on a van, although it seems like it’s boring in those places, and it is what I love about the country side. The view of the mountain ranges, the seas, the rice fields, the vacant lots, the coconut trees and especially the sky fills my soul with so much peace.

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So, that’s it. I hope you learn a thing or two from it. Thank you as always for reading. 😍

Making the most of a failed trip. As stated in my previous post, I'll be sharing in here the things I did, and of course, the photos from my supposed backpacking trip which turned going home trip for the reason that I couldn't get rid of my reluctantancy, or hesitancy, rather,  and my fear to go alone because the local tourists spots are kinda far from where I was.

[messykarma]

a bit much

11/06/2018

Not even halfway through 2018...

Today kinda reached my breaking point.

You get used to being put a little to the side, I’m 2 years younger and it’s the critical years for a brother older than you in high school yeah I get it his education at that point will be more important than mine (or are all years especially the years leading up - the building blocks - arguably also just as important???) back when we were both in high school. At this point, I’m in my final high school year and he’s in University, yet he’s still regarded as the more important person in regards to school life.

I’m usually always the reliable go-to person/child

“do you have a charger”

“do you have glue/scissors/tape”

“can I borrow (where’s your) cash for the aircon guy”

“do you have a thumb drive”

Bonus: bro gets his bedsheets done for him all the time (or at least used to, he does it more now but not all the time) while I’m expected to do it all by myself and even help with parents - if I don’t help I get shit for it even tho I prefer not to and sometimes opt not to. Mum will put his clothes away for him a lot of the time whereas I do it myself (not too fussed about it, I’d prefer to do it myself but it’s still a difference), will get mad at me bc I don’t like helping in the kitchen with cooking/baking/cleaning etc. and if bro and I are forced to help (also clean the bathroom/take out the pail of water) and he doesn’t do a lot I’m expected to pick up the slack (happens anytime we both have to do something) and if something goes wrong/is bad I usually get shit for it - or if I refuse to do what he didn’t do I get shit for it bc I should be the better person or whatever which I usually am bc I hate getting into trouble.

But when I don’t wanna then omg “you’re so calculative” like ok sure I am a little but if it’s a frequently reoccurring thing I’m going to be fucking annoyed and frustrated

Events leading up to the Charger Incident(TM) that frustrates me

Taking my headphones without telling me or asking for my permission. Taking my cables without asking or telling me and not giving them back sometimes even when I ask for it back

The one time I left it for too long because I felt bad for continuously asking was when he magically forgot he borrowed my only secondary cable (the one I use for my portable charger) and so now it’s gone forever - this cable is good because you can swap out the heads so you can charge many types of devices.

It’s not my damn fault you’re shit at taking care of your things. I love to have a cache of spare shit in case something goes wrong and stuff.

My bro has taken a bunch of earphones from me over the years bc he broke his or lost his and I’ve had to give them up to him because “you have spares, why not just give it to him”... this continuously. I think I’m a selfish person but I’ve been so selfless sometimes. 

-

I feel bad when others get into trouble especially if I caused it but then again it makes me feel angry, sad and frustrated when I get into trouble for things like this.

Bro school fees = $16k a year (half for the first year) at least  My school fees = $1k required a year but parents opt to donate another $1k more My school is the top high school in Australia and is academically selective. I went on 2 tours which in total cost $18k together, pretty much school fees of my bro’s school for 1 year. I got better education and more exposure (he also went on tours but just for sports because yes his school actually offers opportunities in sports)

Right after I gave my charger back to my bro to use and told him to give it back to me, mum screaming in my face (me trying to hide that I’m tearing up):

“you are very rude”

“attitude problems”

“why do you even need your phone... [not important, he needs it, it’s more important, Uni blah blah exams]”

“don’t think we don’t know about the boys you talk to”  (I actually don’t talk to boys online and if in the rare case I do it’s usually related to school or another friend of ours etc. nothing romantic at all, I try to remove myself bc ik I’ll get in trouble)

“.. want to get fucked??” (can’t believe this is what my mum thinks I want)

“that’s not that important” (referring to what I want to do)

“selfish”

(it’s now around 3 hours past when he had my charger and his phone was literally at the same percentage as mine and I still don’t have it back but I’m afraid to ask for it back) --> When people get mad at me and my brother who is currently mad at me, I always feel like I’ve done something wrong and I feel sad and I hate it but like... I can’t even tell anymore if what I’ve done is totally acceptable??? But he’s so damn selfish what in the entire fuck - always expects me to do shit for him/give him shit to use etc. but won’t return the multiple favours???

Everyone always fucking acting as if everything he is and does is so much more important than me and mine.

Always threatening to take my phone away/linking my behaviour to leading to getting pregnant (as if I want to) - assuming I want to have sex with people all the bloody time (”you want chips? Are you pregnant? You had sex with a boy on a school trip?!) vs never taking away his phone and never demanding for his password, respecting his privacy even though I know for a fact he has bloody nudes on there.

She never says shit like that to my bro and stuff... it’s only ever getting mad at something he does but she never really personally attacks him or hits him. Mostly bc hitting him doesn’t hurt him bc he is brave enough to hold her hands and shit, I kinda just stand there and take it while crying and saying sorry and then she gets more mad LMFAO bc I’m crying and I ‘have no reason to cry’ and I deserve it and shit

I’m so tired of always ‘being in the wrong’; I can never win. I don’t even know if it’s justified that I feel this way, I have no idea if my feelings are valid??? 

Ever since one of my close friends back in Year 8 said something along the lines of “why would you tell your friend that? Why would you unload all that onto your friend?” when another girl called her crying because her dad had been mean to her, I took that situation to heart. I used to be sceptical and not wanting to talk about personal problems unless I’m joking about them until then - at that point I decided that I should never tell my friends anything and keep everything to myself, stewing inside and letting it eat me up. 

If I’m feeling any emotion other than content and/or happiness - any negative emotion, I get so much shit and parents get mad as if I have nothing to be unhappy about and that I don’t deserve to be anything but happy. Because “they were poorer”, “they had it worse” it means that I’m not allowed to be anything less than happy. Yeah I get it you had bad circumstances but that doesn’t take away from the facts of my own life which you can’t see because you’re not empathetic or self-aware??? I just.. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel any non-happy emotions.. just that I’m not allowed to be in control of my own feelings and that they’re not valid. I always feel so shit when I’m in a bad mood and I hate myself when I act in a negative manner because I don’t like hurting people, it makes me feel bad.

Even if my parents were to suddenly become nice and super caring about my emotions and shit... it wouldn’t feel right, I’d feel even more on edge and suspicious and it would feel weird. 

At this point my parents are aware that there’s really no career I’m particularly interested in, I mean software engineering is kinda my ‘I guess I have to pick something so it might as well be this’. At this point the only thing that really makes me happy is soccer and that’s something I fought so hard to keep but my parents fought just as hard to separate me from (bc of academics - in contrast, they allowed my brother to continue to play summer and winter sports and he sacrificed so much time to train for them, albeit they were for his school... mine is club but the thing is his school offers the same quality gameplay my club does bc my school does not offer anything).

I had girls who played in state teams telling me to try out bc they believed I was good enough and said I’d be pretty much in and after a lot of matches I get people/refs/coaches coming up to me telling me what an excellent keeper I am and what good saves I’ve had - there was 1 specific save I did that was top corner and a ref literally told me just after “that was a really good save”. I’ve had coaches and parents try to convince my parents to let me keep playing, offering to give me lifts, saying I don’t have to do training at all I can just play games. For 2 years. They gave up after 2 years.

Am I over-hyping myself? Am I even that good? I suppose that’s the only positive reinforcement I’ve had and I’d hope that’s an indication of my talent/worth.

At dinner after the Charger Incident(TM):

“be nice to each other, you’re siblings” implying that I’m not nice??

Comparison:

Whenever I walk into his room he usually threatens me with spraying me with deodorant or throwing things at me, usually objects that really hurt. I knock on his door more often than not before entering. Whenever I ask to borrow something: if he’s using it, it’s a straight up no even if I say I may need it more, when I ask to borrow books it’s usually a no or a hard won yes with me having to give something back in return like food etc. If I come into his room and take his shit I’ll pay.. usually in a harsh physical sense. Will be very mad and shit if I do into his room.

Whenever he walks into my room he doesn’t knock, he doesn’t announce his presence he just comes in and looks at my shit. Doesn’t ask me for things, will almost always just take it. He’s literally taken headphones from my room before without telling me and not returning it until I go to his room to take it back. Doesn’t give back a lot of shit I let him borrow. Will come into my room and eat any food I have there if it so pleases him. I don’t threaten him at all I only ever ask him to leave my room. He laughs at me and shit and acts as if he has the right to do whatever he wants (compared to how he acts when I’m in his room). When ‘he needs something more’ he just takes it. After giving away books he doesn’t want, will come into my room to take it back bc ‘he wants it back’. Generally will take everything and everything from my room even without telling me or returning it. Happens so much over the years.

Honestly, at this point, I wish I lived in the US even at the risk of getting shot because then it would be so much easier to be able to afford good schooling while taking part in College soccer which provides such good opportunities and is pretty much glorified. I’m very confident I’d be able to get into schools such as UCLA and stuff that have great soccer teams (almost confident if I tried a little I’d be able to achieve an acceptance to Stanford) but the only thing holding me back is pretty much living expenses and tuition that isn’t subsidised or not student loans for overseas. I just want that competitiveness and environment, it’s so crazy good. And I understand my parents are looking to retire and shit so it’s very out of the question... it’s just I’m aware of opportunities that would make me happy, albeit help back for financial reasons.

Used to think dad was on my side and shit until I had a little chat with him and he basically told me he had it worse bc his dad was bad (but the thing is both of my parents are/were never very emotionally there and shit and his mum was so damn nice to him) anyway I have no right to complain!

I talked to mum about ideal opportunities I’m looking at and she got bad at the fact that I wanna go to the US even tho living expenses are crazy expensive and I’m selfish for even thinking about my parents paying since dad wants to retire and I’m selfish etc.

[surveysonfleek]

055.

Would you like to have twins? it would be awesome, but there’s no way i’d be mentally prepared for it. but having two babies in one go would be sweet.

How old is your most recent ex? 25.

How does your hair look right now? curly.

What color were the last shoes you wore? black.

Are you currently listening to any music? nope, watching survivor.

You’re trapped in a room with your last ex for one day, what do you do? catch up i guess.

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? my boyfriend.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? yes easily.

What are you listening to right now? survivor.

Are you expecting a child? nope.

Are you waiting for anything in particular? my next pay.

Last person to really piss you off? my boyfriend.

What time did you go to sleep last night? 2am i think.

Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? yes, i hope so.

Marriage in your future? eventually. some people my age are already marred, i just feel so far from ready.

If your best friend liked your last ex, what would you do? my best friend is my current boyfriend... so i don’t think so.

Want to have kids before you’re 30? haha probably not. 

Have you kissed more than 10 people this year? nope.

Do you like meeting new people? i don’t mind. depends on their vibe.

What are you doing right now? this.

How many piercings do you have? five.

Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? haha no.

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? only if my boyfriend asked me lol.

Do you think somebody’s in love with you? yes.

Who do you spend the most time with? honestly i spend more time with my boyfriend than my family lol.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? yup.

Last person you rode in a car with? myself.

Do you mind sleeping on the floor? yes, i mind lol. i’m really picky when it comes to sleeping arrangements.

Do you enjoy summer? nope.

Do you have a phone? yes.

Is there anything you wanted to do today that you didn’t? hmm i wna go shopping but can do that later.

Is it hard leaving people behind? yes.

Will you kiss someone within the next week or two? yes.

What kind of outfit are you wearing right now? pjs.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a guy? probably not. work tomorrow.

Did you do something mean to someone today? no.

What is your favorite night to go out? a weeknight. less crowds.

Has someone ever made a promise to you and broke it? not that i know of.

Have you ever tripped over something in public? yes, duh. you’d be the luckiest mf if you haven’t.

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? i hope so.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now? nah, i don’t mind this time alone.

Are you addicted to cigarettes? yes.

Is any part of you happy at all? yes but things could be so much better.

How was your day today? boring.

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys? hmmm. pretty equal.

Have you ever been caught skipping class? ye i have haha.

Do you hate anyone? no.

How often do you listen to music? everyday.

Who were the last people to hang out at your house? my boyfriend.

What did you do yesterday? workeddd.

Are you going on vacation soon? no. i just got back from one :(

Do you ever watch the Disney Channel? nope.

What’s on your mind right now? nothing.

Who do you call more than anyone else? my boyfriend.

Do you bite your nails? nope.

Do you have a job? yes.

Have you done anything bad in the last week? probably lol.

Do you like someone right now? loooove.

Are you jealous of anyone right now? nope.

Does anyone like you? yes.

Have you ever mooned anyone? nope.

Where is somewhere you travel every summer? tbh somewhere different every time!

When was the last date you went on? just a cheap dinner.

Do you own an iPod? no.

What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? my boyfriend.

Do you want to fall in love? i am in love.

Do you wear flip-flops when it’s cold? only if i’m at home.

Do any of your friends have children? yes.

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? i have before.

When was the last time you had Starbucks? about three weeks ago :(

Can you whistle? yes.

Favorite TV show? the office. i have a million others though.

Do you own any band shirts? no.

What is your favorite salad dressing? raspberry vinaigrette. it’s the besttttttttt.

Are you on a desktop or laptop? laptop.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? nope.

Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos? not to judge, but i probably wouldn’t date anyone with face tatts. that’s just my opinion, that could easily change based on impressions.

When was the last time you slept on the floor? a couple months ago when i went to the philippines.

Do you eat breakfast daily? no.

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? i don’t care. if i need to undress, definitely female.

You’ve locked yourself outside and no one will be home for a few hours, you? call my boyfriend. or if i have my car i’ll just go somewhere and chill. buuuut i probably won’t have my car coz my house and car keys are together so idk lol.

In the past 48 hours have you hung out with a guy? nope.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? tbh no. it’s way too fucking dark.

What were you doing at 2AM this morning? about to sleep.

How many kids do you want? at least 2.

Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? no.

Last night, did you talk to anyone until you fell asleep? my boyfriend.

Who are your last 3 missed calls from? i cannot be bothered to check.

What’s the best thing about summer? aircon. seriously i hate being outside in summer ughhhhh.

Should you be doing something else instead of this? nah.

Do you ever wonder what your life looks in someone else’s eyes? yes, and it’s definitely nothing impressive.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? my bf.

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? i think i would. i’d just need someone to be on the same level as me that’s all.

Whose bedroom were you in last? mine

Why do you feel the way you feel? idkkk.

[georgiacollender-blog]

Charlotte Josephine

CJ Two ways of writing: having a plan and not. Inspired by everyday life. Writes little but often then puts the pieces together like a puzzle. - Confidence - Reading and language - Watching alot - Space and respect Write a list of colours: Pink Purple Green Red Brown Yellow Orange Blue Chocolate bars: Mars Twix Kit Kat Galaxy Bounty Kinder bueno Bathroom cupboard: Toothbrush Deodorant Tampons Toilet roll Perfume Sun cream Tablets Teenagers bedroom: Plates Cups Bed Dressing table Clothes Shoes Straighteners Lady handbag Make up Tampons Purse Phone The pill Paracetamol Book Diary List of fans as tic lies I need to feed my fish My bus was late I need to see my Nan I find it easier when no one else is in the room to do my presentation You're my fave I love you A list of things todo when embarrassed Go toilet Bite nails Put the focus on someone else Go red Shit myself Play with my hair Look at my feet Leave the room Pretend you don't care Think of being in bed/comfort zone A list of BIRTHDAY cake wishes I want to meet Harry styles I wish for a someone to love me I wish for concert tickets I wish for money I wish for everyone to be happy I wish for no arguments I wish to have the people who mean most, forever I wish for my friends to come home from uni I wish for a mini A list of things that terrify us Spiders Losing my friends Being hated by everyone Not going anywhere in life Disappointing my family Death The unknown My pets dying Never having kids Getting pregnant at the wrong time Throwing away something I didn't realise was important. A list of things you'd find on a summer holiday: Factor 50 suncream A burnt ginger Alcohol Books People awake at 7 to put a towel on a sunbed Tanned people Lost languages A list of hiding places: My bed My car Millie's house The park Under my bed Behind a door I'm a hole Under the stairs Anywhere dark The green room Aunty jos house The library Things never said to a parent I smoke You're child is a Cunt You raised you're kid shit I've fucked your daughter I hate you Places to stand when the sea is rough In bed Somewhere where there is no sea On a boat In the sea with a snorkel Pavement Masculine or feminine things Blue Pink Muscles Hard labour Giving birth Emotions Trust someone: Raw Honestly Hearing what you don't want to but need to Having my back when I'm not in the room Being there when I need them most Answering the phone Going along with my lies Meeting your girlfriends parents for the first time: "Hi John nice to meet you, yes this is your daughter, yes she's wearing my top and no, she hasn't got shoes on because she was at mine last night not at Chloes like she said and yes that is my cum in her hair" - as if I'm going to say that out loud as my first words to John but it's definitely what's running through my head rn... how about a simple hello and hand shake, that could work right? But I don't want him to think I'm too formal.. fuck. Right that's it I'm not going. I don't understand why first impressions are always hard. When In actual fact it a simple hello. Everyone seems to always over think it. Ofcourse I want to make a good impression but I'd much rather not lick his ass hole because a year down the line he's going to know the real me and know I was putting on this front to impress him. Why can't I go in with the simple "alright mate, I'm your daughters new boyfriend, I respect her a lot fuck on a daily and think she's fucking hilarious" but nah got to respect that although he knows that the hand he just shook has actually be all over his daughter... he's thinking, I'm thinking it, might as well say it right? But instead I go with the, "nice to meet Mr Smith, I'm Daniel" "do I work?" Well yeah in a bar one day a week I'm still a student.. "still a student at the age of 21... living of mummy and daddy still then?" Why the fuck do I need to be questioned about what I do as long as what I'm doing makes me happy, I'm living my life not you. Blake: Age: 21 Cats or dogs: Dogs Live: house in leatherhead How do they spend their days: High as a kite writing music for the homeless. What is a smell that calms them: Petrol Three words to describe them(mum): a little podgy, good boy, likes candles Happiest on holiday: Florida At 8 he wanted to be: Fireman Item of clothing wear too much: Adidas original jumper in Kaki Phrase to often: but think of the homeless man Secret: I have a kid Roll model: my nan Fave drink: Redbull Vodka and Lime Lost virginity: his family friend Louise at 18 (he begged her init) On his own he dances to ballets Deeper secret: he is a professional ballet dancer Parents : mum is his world dad is a rich wanker Place: His studio, his workspace but also his hobby, he has his own chair (that no one else can use) others can join him but not use his chair. There is a hidden mirror for when he wants to practise ballet. Blue dim to the room - no windows. Constant music playing, there's a window to the booth that has a sticker of his dog and nan on the right hand corner. Smells like hard work, has a little can of petrol hidden under his desk where is chair is for when he gets stressed. There a aircon unit that always makes a slight noise of fresh air coming into the room. Everything is black apart from the lighting. Wearing something unusual: he's wearing a leotard under his clothes - it quite tight but he likes it, no one can see it but he knows he's wearing it. Smells fresh out the packet never had one before but always envious when watching professional ballet people wear one. I didn't mean todo it, it just... *sitting in his studio* staring at his hidden mirror - reveals it from behind its curtain. Looking at himself in his new leotard practising first position. A 1,2,3 second 1,2,3 first 1,2,3 second 1,2,3 first... *phone rings - it's zain* Wag1 Blake I'll be outside in 2. Blake: gets dressed quickly, hides his 'ballet for beginners book' and sits in his chair.. zain opens the door "oiiii wag1 G what you saying" Blake realises the mirror is still on show.. "shit" Madting when did you get a mirror in here..." B:"errrm yesterday init... it's for..." Z: it looks sick bro, makes the room feel massive.. Zain sits down Z: "oi you heard this new tune" Plays some bad man song Blake tries to release his wedgie that his leotard is giving him.. Zain is oblivious keeps mixing music Blakes burst out "I didn't mean todo it, it's just one day I saw your sister...." Z: "what do you mean my sister..." Blake: it just she was standing there in her leotard and it got me... Z: got you what bruv why you looking at my sister in a leotard bruv are you a pedo or something Blake: wait what... Z: staring at my sister whilst she's dancing wtf if wrong with you Blake: no no bruv it's not like that.. I wasn't looking at her because she had no clothes on.. I mean very little clothes on and don't get me wrong she looked fit init but" Z"what the fuck do you meeeeeeaaaan, what didn't you mean todo stare at her fat peachy beautiful ass" Blake: wait what... Z: forget get that... Blake: nah it's just I was fascinated Z: fascinated by Me and An old man in an army uniform We are in a very busy train station on a Monday morning I want success But there is a shark in the way I'm a busker, I've tried making it in acting, I've tried making it in dance and now singing but here I am... Monday morning the busy crowd is coming and I'm playing my guitar... people chuck coins and pennies and some cunt chucks a button... all I've ever wanted is success.. all I ever need is success but my success and the worlds are completely different, I just want to be heard, respected and a warm house to go home to, to see my loving family. I see an old man approaching.. he's wearing a uniform shit do I need to run? My license doesn't cover this station... I start packing my away my equipment, collecting my scraps of money... I look up again and he's just standing there... his uniform looks worn but well kept, badges glistening.. his boots are shinny and still smell of polish. He chucks a £50 note in my case.. "I tried to make it one time too but the army called for me instead" I stare.... my heart still racing from preparing to out run the Feds... He reaching out a hand to help me up... I take the offer, my hands trembling from adrenaline. BOTH HAVE THE SAME SHARK TATTOO. Fish tank This is England Shane meadows I really enjoyed Charlottes workshop as she opened my mind to write everything and anything and atleast one of them if not more will blossom. You don't have to have an order or a reason when you first start just start. I find writing terrifying, I'm always cautious that it won't have a good ending, beginning or even an interesting plot but Charlotte made me feel so comfortable to just write. Going forward I definitely will write down any ideas even if I leave them for months and revisit them with a fresh mind. Overall when it comes to writing my own script I will not give up and I will accept mental blocks and stop to allow my brain to breathe. Watching films and TV series really inspire me to help build characters however Charlotte opened my eyes to embrace what is happening in the moment day to day, as well as through books and seeing live theatre. There is never too much detail to a character or a place.

[purplesurveys]

1200

Have you ever felt a baby kick? Yeah, when my mom was pregnant with my brother.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I have red shorts on at the moment.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Last Friday, I’d say? Hahaha. Counted down the hours and minutes before the Butter MV drop, celebrating and freaking out with Army when it finally came out, watched the OT7 VLive that happened that afternoon, and streamed the video for nearly 24 hours straight so we could break some records, all of which we ended up achieving. It feels great to stan a group again after being out of the loop for so long lol.

What was the scariest moment of your life? A few men have lunged towards me - just to get attention, I guess? - in the past, while I was just peacefully walking. I always hear them snickering once I’ve flinched, and I always ended up crying once I’ve processed the situation.

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? I know of the name, but I have no clue who he is or what he does (did?).

Pancakes or flapjacks? I don’t even know what flapjacks are, so let’s go with pancakes.

What kind of computer are you on? I’m using a Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? Yes. Minced pork with eggplant.

What are you usually doing at midnight? On weekdays, I spend it in bed, either watching videos or already reading fanfics to get ready to turn in. On Friday nights and weekends, I will usually be found on the rooftop taking a survey or two.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No, I’ve never developed feelings for another person while in a relationship.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I will always stick by this quote, “Love never says, ‘I have done enough.’”

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? This is subjective, of course, but personally I find it to be thighs.

What kind of shoes do you wear? I’m not wearing any at the moment; but in general, I like to wear sneakers.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Physical violence.

Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? Nope.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? Not so much. I like coconut milk, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? I think my personal best was like 60 or 70 lbs, back when I had weight training classes for PE in college. I remember being in so much pain once I gave the 80 lbs barbell a shot.

Do you take Tums? No.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? ...Ugh. I’m pretty sure I’ve taken this survey very recently but I might as well just take it again because I don’t feel like searching for another. Anyway, I haven’t... at least not that I can remember.

How about under one? Definitely not.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I was around 12 when I was starting to feel confused about getting nervous around Andi.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t.

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? No haha but I usually bring my phone with me to keep me company.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Pretty often.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Ocean waves.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t have a main goal set in life. I just live in the now and try to do things or make decisions that would keep me consistently happy.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? HAHAHAHAHA definitely took this recently; this is so embarassing. No, I still don’t know about this song.

What is your main heritage? Filipino.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? I hate pickles and I find them absolutely nasty, but there are other pickled things I like, like radishes.

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? Mozzarella and feta.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? No thanks. I’m not capable of providing them proper care.

How about a farm animal? I would just stick to dogs.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes?

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? I’ve been in a BTS bubble for a solid month or so and I honestly can’t tell you my opinion about songs that have recently come out, because I literally don’t know any.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? There isn’t any I’m guilty about.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Knowing I’ll feel accomplished once I do it.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? Never anymore. I used to browse through it only when I was a lot younger.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? The Transformers series, lol.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? I always liked clay and I never really graduated from that interest, since I find the texture fascinating and fun to play with.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Sure.

If so, what did you do? I had my first sip of alcohol at Kaira’s 18th birthday and I was feeling left out since literally everyone else was drinking. For vaping, Gabie introduced it to me; and for smoking, it was another case of FOMO that made me want to try it out.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Idk? I don’t take note of that kind of attention, anyway; I would find it creepy.

How many people do you know for sure to be interested in you right now? Zero.

What is a good name for a turtle? I think it would be the same process as the way I think it would be for any other pet; it would depend on their personality, their aura, etc. 

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Not really. I can read Hangul and am familiar with the different tonalities used in Korean but I wouldn’t say my imitation would be considered spot-on.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? Yes.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? When they know how to use their tongue in a teasing way, for one. Eugh it’s too early for this lol

How many times a year do you have a family thing? What even is a family thing?

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I don’t like smoothies.

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Yup, especially when I’m either eating somewhere pricey or when I’m eating at one of my favorite restaurants.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? It’s a pretty uneventful city, and if I want to have some fun I always have to go to Manila.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? Yup.

Are you watching your weight? No.

Have you ever became really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. Aliyah and I are still friends and I’m glad we’ve been able to maintain our friendship even after mine and Gab’s falling out. It’s a shame the three of us didn’t get to meet in real life though, and it will 100% never happen now. I also used to have a group of Twitter friends back in my wrestling stan days but it’s been a very long time since we’ve gone our separate ways. I have yet to find friends on Army Twitter but I really doubt I would get to build established friendships any time soon because EVERYONE IS SO YOUNG OVER THERE

What makes your best friend your best friend? They understand me better than anyone else does.

Do you have a drunk uncle? I have a couple of them.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? Nope.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Ignoring this question.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? Also ignoring this.

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? I find line tattoos to be pretty cool and beautiful in general. The minimalist look it goes for works really well.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? That vase I molded during my Vigan trip :) It was the first (and so far) only thing I’ve made from scratch, and even though I didn’t get to take it home, I’m still glad I had the opportunity to try pottery.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? No? That’s pretty wasteful. I eat the whole cookie.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Hahahahaha. Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? Not anymore, no.

Have you ever used a racial slur, even jokingly? Most likely as a stupid teenager when I didn’t know any better.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? Angela and Laurice.

If so, what about them do you like most? They’re very easy to talk to, and they’re both selfless and generous.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My mom is making dinner while I believe everyone else is just on their phones waiting for the dish to be made.

What is the most money you've ever had at one time? I don’t remember the exact amounts anymore but my mom used to hand me cheques and regularly assign me to pay for me and my sister’s tuition back in grade school and high school, since she had work during the day and didn’t have time to stop by the school herself.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? I don’t know but definitely longer than what would be considered a decent duration for a fit person.

Look down. What do you see? I can see my legs but just barely since it’s dark out.

What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Topics I don’t know too much about.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? BTS, my field, and history.

What kind of mood were you in most of today? Comfortable. We had the aircon on all day and I just watched BTS MVs and live performances, and I don’t really feel bad about being unproductive for once.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Just once or twice.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Togepi.

What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me hurtful words.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Idk...maybe cut them off unexpectedly? I'll usually have no problem doing this with people who make me uncomfortable.

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? Nothing. She’s not in my life.

How about the last person (your last ex)? She’s the same person.

What is the best invention ever invented? The internet.

What is something that needs to be invented? Not a completely new invention but I wish programs that can identify songs for you, like Siri, can be more improved to be able to recognize songs just by humming the tone. So far they can only name songs if you play it clearly for a few seconds, but it can be a hassle if I wanna have access to a certain song but only remember the melody and otherwise have no idea what the lyrics are or who sang them.

Describe your eyes. I don’t think they’re anything special. I don’t count them as a striking feature of mine.

What always makes you burp? Eating quickly. And beer.

What is something you hate doing that most couples do? There isn’t anything.

What's your astrological sign? Taurus.

What are you doing tomorrow? I wanna finally watch the Friends reunion special since I didn’t feel like watching it today. I also have a press release to write for one of my clients – they requested for it Friday and want it by Monday :(

[purplesurveys]

1161

 survey by pichu4850

What color do you think of when I say...

Anger? Red, or a really bright red-orange.

Confusion? Gray.

Inspiration? Sky blue. Both word and color give off calming vibes to me.

Shy? Something like an off-white shade, and maybe even pastel pink.

Agony? Olive green was the first color to come to mind, though I have no idea why.

Sleep? Dark blue, like the night sky.

Chipper? Yellow.

Beautiful? Red, the way roses are.

Morning? Light blue or yellow.

Would you rather be named...

Andrea or Aimee? Andrea.

Emily or Erica? Emily. I know an Erycka that I’m not too fond of, so this is an easy pass.

Kelsey or Casey? Casey, though I’d mix up my name a bit and have it be pronounced and spelled as Cassie.

Madeleine or Marina? Eh, not really a fan of either but I’d mos likely go for Madeleine.

Alec or Aaron? Alec.

Ryan or Ross? Not a fan of both names as well though I’d probably go with Ryan, but only as a feminine name.

Dylan or Daniel? Dylan.

Jack or Jordan? I guess Jack, if I have to pick.

Gabriel or Gavin? Gabriel.

How often do you...

Brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.

Eat breakfast? Twice a week, during weekends; though sometimes I’ll end up skipping it for an entire week altogether.

Check your email? I literally never check my personal email anymore after having gotten hired, but I know I should quit that habit and check it every once in a while just in case an intriguing opportunity might come my way. My work email is a different story; I have to use it everyday. I open my emails even during weekends so that when I report to my shift on Monday, my Gmail won’t look as clogged.

Go to the mall? When quarantine protocols loosened up a bit I used to go either on Saturdays or Sundays for some me time as well as some much-needed time away from the house, for the sake of my mental health and sanity. But now that we’re going through another surge in cases, no one’s allowed to go out again and malls are back to just keeping the essential stores open.

Go to the beach? A few times a year, at least before the pandemic. I haven’t been to the beach since 2019.

Play card games? Only happens once in a blue moon, when I get together with friends and someone happens to bring a deck of cards. This isn’t a usual occurrence with any of my friend groups, though.

Have at least 20 minute phone calls? Never. I have 20-minute Google Meet and Zoom calls instead.

Paint your nails? They are never painted.

Wish you were happier? Every now and then.

Did you ever want to be...

A veterinarian? Yes, when I was younger. I once stumbled upon an interview with a horse vet on one of my kid’s almanacs and thought what they did was so cool.

An astronaut? Yup, definitely became a big obsession of mine at one point in my childhood. I still think it would be cool to go to outer space and should the opportunity ever become accessible in my lifetime, I wouldn’t want to miss out on it.

An artist? Not really. I knew from the get go I wasn’t meant to be one.

A school teacher? I would guess yes, but I definitely wasn’t as interested in teaching compared to being an astronaut or like a firefighter.

A housewife? Lmfao yeah. This was the answer I would give when I was like 8 up until I was probably 10 and I knew it stressed out my Asian mother big time. My grandpa got a kick out of it, though.

A firefighter? Yes. This was up there with astronaut.

A princess? Not so much.

A lawyer? I definitely considered law for a brief period, but it was already during my latter college years. There wasn’t enough time to mull over it. But hearing all the law school horror stories from my friends kind of made me relieved I didn’t push through with it; I knew I wasn’t passionate enough about law to want to go through all the hardships that come with law school, so I was fine letting that dream go, and still am.

A doctor? This was never a dream of mine.

Would you consider yourself...

Materialistic? Yes.

Pessimistic? It comes out occasionally, but I don’t think it’s a main trait of mine that people would generally see me as.

Avoidant? Not so much. I can be shy and anxious sometimes but I get over it at some point.

Sarcastic? Only occasionally. I wouldn’t say I speak the language.

Talkative? Definitely not. I hate being in the spotlight, and whenever it’s my turn to share a story or talk in a group I usually have the tendency to rush through it or make it as short as possible so as to return the spotlight on someone else. I’ve always been more of a listener.

Strange? Maybe not strange but weird to an extent?

Intelligent? I guess in some ways.

Lucky? In some ways I am, but I also got handed the short end of the stick in other contexts.

In the next twenty-four hours, will you...

Talk to someone you care about? Probably. I talk to at least one friend a day.

Go to work? Yep, I’ll finally be going back to work since the Holy Week break is over. My workaholic self felt kinda unsettled with all the free time, so I’m actually kinda relieved.

Go to school? I’m not in school anymore.

Be in a different city? Nope, it’ll be working from home for me like usual. We were initially allowed to book visits to the office if we really needed to go there to pack some goodies and stuff, but because of re-heightened Covid protocols our admin has once again prohibited anyone to go there for the meantime.

Read a book? I highly doubt it. I haven’t read any in months.

Watch a movie? Nope. It’ll be a Monday coming from a 4-day break, so it will be incredibly busy tomorrow as there would be a lot to catch up on.

Go to a dentist/orthodontist appointment? No, I won’t.

Do your laundry? My parents probably will seeing as our hamper was nearly full the last time I checked.

True or False: Family...

I have two brothers or more. I only have one brother.

My mom lives with me. This is technically true but isn’t phrased right in my case. I’m currently living with my parents.

My grandparent(s) live with me. No, we moved out of our duplex (where I did use to live with my grandparents) well over a decade ago.

I have half-siblings. Don’t have any.

I am the oldest in my family. Eldest child, that is.

I am an only child. I have two other siblings.

I have 15 cousins I can name off the top of my head. Easily. My first cousins are less than 15 in total, but I know a good number of my second and third cousins as well so this is a cakewalk.

The nearest Aunt or Uncle lives less than an hour away from me. The aforementioned duplex we moved out of is just at the next village; we didn’t move too far so that we can continue visiting them.

True or False: Food...

I am allergic to chocolate. I’m not, fortunately. I’m not crazy about chocolate but I’d be pretty miserable if I could never have it either.

I like vegetables more than fruit. Infinitely more, hahaha. I hate fruits.

I have tried pizza dipped in ranch sauce. Ranch isn’t a very common dressing where I’m from, so it’s not usually offered in restaurants. Given the chance, though, I’d definitely try my pizza with ranch at least once.

I've never eaten kiwi fruit. True, but then again I’ve never eaten most fruits and don’t plan to.

I love junk food.

I love to try new food.

Ketchup goes best with fries (chips). I don’t like ketchup and barely put it on anything.

I like fried rice. I haven’t met an Asian who doesn’t like fried rice.

I can prepare dinner for myself (using a stove or oven).

I hate sushi.

How many...

Pairs of shoes do you have? A little over 10, maybe? I don’t feel like counting in my head rn.

Songs do you have on your music player? I don’t have a music player anymore.

Hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 4.

Times have you had alcohol? Like, ever since I started drinking when I was 18? I never kept track lmao but if I would guess, maybe around 50-60 times? I’m not a regular drinker; I drink probably once or twice a month at most.

Books have you read/started reading in the past month? None.

Windows in your house/apartment are open? I know my parents and sister have their windows open at the moment, so that’s 2. Mine are usually open as well, but I’ve turned on my aircon so I’ve closed them for the night.

Pets do you have? 2.

Kids do you have/want to have? I’d cut it off a a maximum of 3 kids, but having just 1 would already be so nice.

Minutes does it take to get from your home to school or work? I work from home, but in the two times I went to the actual office it took anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour.

Have you ever...

Spilled a cup of grape juice on the carpet? I don’t think I’ve ever even encountered grape juice in my entire life.

Played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played this. My friends and I usually resort to truth or dare.

Played Twister? Yes, and there are many fond memories that come with it as well. So when I was 7 years old I befriended Katreen, and her mom and mine hit it off instantly so they started this arrangement where every Friday, her mom picked me and my sister up from school along with Katreen and her sisters, and we’d stay for several hours at their place until my mom would pick us up. Her mom was an amazing host and every week we’d play Twister, watch Pokemon, read books together, etc; anything to keep us comfortable and entertained.

Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? It’s bound to happen every now and then.

Walked out of a movie because it was horrible? I’ve gotten this feeling a few times but I always stayed in my seat because I paid for the damn ticket.

Given the finger to someone on the street? Oh most definitely, as well as drivers passing by. And it’s always been towards men that are being disgusting pigs.

Been so sad/angry that you started laughing? Sure.

Been in a wedding? Yes, but I only got invited as a kid since I was usually picked to be one of the flower girls. I haven’t been to a family wedding since 2007.

Been in a situation where you almost died? Probably not died but almost substantially injured, sure.

Misc...

Are you stressing out about anything right now? Just worried about the deluge of tasks that will inevitably come at me tomorrow but knowing how easygoing my bosses are, I know I’ll be able to ease up soon enough.

Do you think before acting or act before thinking? I used to be the latter but I now see the importance of first considering possible consequences of or how others would be affected by my actions.

Do you act upon your emotions and instinct, or logic and reasoning? Again, I used to be one of these, this time the former. Now that I’m at a much more stable and peaceful place in my life I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

What are some personality traits you find appealing in a potential partner? I had a number of negative experiences in my last relationship so forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to my expectations lmaaaao – I’d love for someone to be sensitive to my needs and feelings, and for them to be able to own up to their mistakes or hurtful habits and know how to apologize and be open to changing if it’s for their self-improvement.

How have you changed as a person in the last 5 years? I tolerate less bullshit now. I think I’ve also grown to be happier and a lot more stable, emotionally. I also have a better sense of what I want out of life and where I want to be, and I’ve also learned to be more sociable and open up to people.

If you could do anything you wanted right this moment, what would it be? Order sushi :(

Is there anyone you can totally relax and be yourself around? Yes, that’s what my friends are for. If I can’t feel comfortable around my friends, I’d view that as a problem.

Did you ever wanted to say something to someone, didn't, and regretted it? No.

Are you scared about the future? I’m scared of the idea of not meeting some of my goals, like having a family; but I’m also excited about what the future could bring me.

[purplesurveys]

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What website is it easy to spend too much time on? Reddit. I used to spend hours on end on Reddit back when I had just discovered it and saw how many subreddits I can check out, but I’ve toned down these days. I mostly use scroll through the popular tag to help me fall asleep, but I still spend a lot of time on it nonetheless. What's been bothering you lately? One of my classes is a subject I never really wanted to venture into because it will demand me to be insanely extroverted, but I didn’t have a choice but to take it and now I’m worried for my sanity for the next four months. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Yeah but I’m not as crazy for cheese as most girls around me seem to be lolol. Cheese is ayts. I mostly like it as a dip for Korean barbecue, and I don’t really like the more challenging/funky cheeses. Do you ever crave affection? Yep, sometimes I act needy towards my girlfriend. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? Their main name would be their own, but I wouldn’t be opposed to having their second name be a tribute to somebody important to me. For instance, if I have a son I’ve always thought of giving him Owen as a second name as an homage to Owen Hart.

Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? It’s 2020. We’re way past pink vs. blue now lmfao. But yes, of course. Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? I don’t use those. What is the best way to curl your hair? In like the four times I’ve had my hair curled, the stylists always used a flat iron. Don't you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? That’s a different level of assholery, but yep I imagine that would piss me off. If you were thrown into a lion's den, would you trust God to save you? Nope, I’ll be saying goodbye to all my loved ones in my head. Do you wish you could call the police on the police? Not in this country, because most police are abusive and dicks. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. My penmanship is nicer that way, because my writing usually comes out in messy scribbles when I try to write in script. But I always regularly practice my high school’s unique cursive anyway so that I never forget it/get rusty at it. Were you alive before the Internet came out? No, I think the Internet was already kind of a thing by 1998. Do you like that trends from the 90's are coming back in style? Yeah tbh I’m a fan. I love the simple t-shirt/mom jeans combo because it looks so effortless, and because it’s pieces I already have in my closet lmao. ....or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? Not really, I’m pretty good with all the 90s stuff coming back. Some kids ruined it by wearing chunky sneakers too much, but I like all the other trends that came with it, like bucket hats and belts. What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? I honestly didn’t know much about the trends when I was in high school because 1) we wore our school uniforms every single day, so imagine having one outfit 5/7 days a week, and 2) being from a Catholic school, we had a very strict dress code so it’s not like we could wear whatever the trends were. I do remember never being impressed with Roshes though. What is a horrible trend now? Hype/street clothes like DBTK. What would you do differently if you were God? Not make people suffer. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? No. If I did, I’d run far far away from them. If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? First of all, I have to live in the US before I can leave the US. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? Sure, whatever. What is something you aren't ok with? My default answer would be homophobia. Do you know anyone who isn't fake? Sure. I know more not-fake people than those who are. Name five people you know who aren't fake. Laurice, Aya, Tina, Danika, Amanda. Do you fully trust anyone? Yes. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? What does being a ‘true’ Christian even mean? Do you think someone's value is based on how much money they have or make? No. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? Wow THIS IS THE WORST QUESTION EVER. What's one trend you're behind the times on? Tiktok. I do nooooooot understand it for the life of me and do not wish to. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? I think know-it-alls act like know-it-alls regardless of who they’re with. Do you think it's ok to call an idiot an idiot? Not to their face, but yes I’ve used that word occasionally.

If you had a child with down's syndrome, would you keep him/her? I’m honestly not sure, and I don’t really like stressing about that kind of stuff this early. Don't you wish people who weren't qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Obviously. But there’s little we can do, with the key word there being ‘handed.’ Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? People in high school would copy-paste whole paragraphs from websites or textbooks onto group papers and I hate those people to this day. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? It wouldn’t be the best and smartest way to go, especially if it was the first thing I planned on doing. ...Why do you think people think this is wrong? Because I would be putting vulnerable people under limelight they never asked for, and because I’d be talking about confidential stuff, especially if the whole ordeal is currently going through a legal process, which is stupid. Is there a toxic person that you miss? You know, despite how close I was with Athenna, I’ve never missed her. Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn't? Nope. What do you need right now? I’m gonna need a higher inner morale for my business reporting class, which is the class I’m really scared about. When was the last time you had a new crush? December 2013. Do you know any "Christians" who are rude and judgmental? Almost all the Christians I know are rude and judgmental. What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? I dunno. Leave it wherever it’s always been. Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? Groan. Do you pretend to be someone you're not on facebook? Why or why not? No because I have no reason to do that. Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? Ooooh interesting haha, but no. I’m sure in this time and place they’d get called out almost immediately. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? I’m gonna paraphrase a quote from Friends and say “I know you’re asking me a lot of Jesus questions, but all I hear is blahhhhhblahhhhhhhhhblahhhhhhhhhh.” Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? Holy shit. Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Blue jeans. I’ve never owned jeggings. What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Anything but skinny jeans. What is something you can't wear because of your body type? I can’t wear dresses that are loose around the chest area. Stuff like those are loose because the boobs are meant to hold them up and give someone a flattering figure, but if I tried to wear those, the dress would drop down all the way to my stomach lmao. If you have curves, do you like them? I have some curves, but I’m generally skinny. I do like the ones I have though. What is the curviest part of your body? Butt. Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? I don’t think so. How often do you cry? One or two times a week would be a good guess. How many Christians do you know who actually care? This is very vague. Is Tumblr all that it's hyped up to be? But it’s not hyped at all these days... Tumblr definitely already peaked a few years ago, and I don’t know what people are saying about it now. At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? I don’t think there’s an age requirement for advice. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? No. What helps you fall asleep? When I’m alone, I need it to be quiet or at the very most have white noise around, like the buzz of an aircon or the whir of the electric fan. When I’m sleeping with my girlfriend I have to be cuddled and I have to fall asleep first, or else I’ll keep waking up and twist and turn through the night. I’m a difficult person to fall asleep with huhuh sorry Gab :’( Do you have a nighttime routine? No. I just scroll through social media until my eyes get tired enough to fall asleep within seconds. What was the last mountain you climbed? Not sure, but it was in Sagada. Who is the fakest Christian you know? One of my titas, although I love her to death, is a very devout Christian but had a meltdown/breakdown when her daughter (my cousin) revealed she was dating a black guy. I was stunned when my mom told me all about the ‘drama’ and it took every cell in my body not to explode and give a sermon to everyone else in my family who was upset about it. Just for context, Filipinos are among the MOST RACIST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET so stuff like this WILL be a big deal, especially among our traditional Gen X/Boomer population. Who are the fakest friends you've had? Athenna and Fern. Who's the most narcissistic person you know? I don’t know anyone like this, fortunately. Maybe me because I like taking these surveys??? Jk :((( Who gives the best hugs? Laurice!!! Who was the last person you hugged? My girlfriend.