#when I was 11 or 12 I got my haircut like her under the suggestion of my day and it was my first sidefringe

[emilypemily]

gonna say it: I am sad about Françoise Hardy

[quickspinner]

Month of Miracles - The Longest Night

Find the prompt list here! 

 Hallmark Movie AU Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 (end) | Read Month of Miracles on AO3

Luka played assistant while Marinette got the kids all garbed in their costumes, making little final adjustments and snipping hanging threads and acting for all the world as if this was just as serious as any fashion show she’d ever worked, instead of the dress rehearsal for a small town library Christmas pageant. He followed her around, holding things, handing her what she needed, and trying not to get caught mooning over her like the lovesick sap he was. The kids already had plenty of ammo to use against him, so he tried to keep a professional demeanor—but that really probably only made them snicker harder. 

Mostly, though, they were too excited about their outfits to care. Marinette had found a way to interpret the costumes that felt true to who these kids were, and that was probably rarer than it should be. 

The angels in particular were a masterpiece, especially given how little white there was in his rock star wardrobe. They glittered and shimmered with all of the hardware and rhinestones, and their wings were dangerous-looking concoctions made of wire and trailing fabric and dangling crystals and beads. They looked like the kinds of beings who would have to announce their presence with “Fear not!” and it was awesome. 

The angels weren’t actually his favorite part, though. Marinette had gotten quickly flustered in the face of Rose’s eager excitement, and started making excuses to leave. She’d snatched his notebook out of his pocket, pulled the pen out of the coil and scribbled her phone number on the back, babbling only semi-coherently as she did so. Then she’d snatched up the lighted jacket, kissed him quickly, and fled. Luka had been too busy fending off Rose’s interrogation to even think to question why she had taken the jacket, until she brought out the costumes for Mary and Joseph. The holy family were now softly illuminated with cleverly concealed fiber optic lights in their hoods. Somehow Marinette had managed to turn off the flashing and camouflage the lights enough to give the children a soft glow, like a renaissance painting come to life (if renaissance madonnas had punk haircuts). 

That wasn’t really why he liked it, though. Marinette had removed the lights so carefully, and repaired the jacket so cleverly, that it was now as good as new, if a bit smaller than it had been, and she had taken to wearing it all the time. Catching a glimpse of his jacket under her big pink puffy winter coat made him grin like a fool every time.

She was wearing it even now, and he felt his grin turn dopey and soft again as he watched Marinette get down on the floor without a second thought to fix a hem that had come loose. She was so amazing, and the last few days had been wonderful, whether they were just driving aimlessly around town and chatting while they admired the lights, or lost in tender looks and touches, or just sharing space while they worked on their own projects. Luka knew without doubt that he was utterly in love with her. It might shatter him when she left, but they had four precious days left and Luka planned to make the most of them. Besides, who knew what could happen? It was the modern age, and long distance relationships were a thing, and surely there was something they could work out— 

Luka quashed those thoughts as quickly as he could. It wasn’t a good idea to be thinking that way, and he didn’t even know if Marinette would welcome anything of the kind from him. Better to stay in the moment. Something would work out; if she felt anything close to what he felt for her, she couldn’t leave him totally behind...and if she didn’t, then it was just as well for things to end now. He’d get over it. Somehow.

In the meantime, he’d enjoy every conversation, every soft look, every touch and kiss and sigh of his name from her lips.

Yep, he was absolutely basking in the knowledge of how completely hopeless he was.

Marinette stood up and backed away, looking at her handiwork with satisfaction as Rose began rounding up the kids to start the actual rehearsal. Luka sidled casually to Marinette’s side, letting his hand brush against hers. She wiggled her fingers in between his absently, and Luka grinned that stupid grin again, aiming it at the floor. 

Teenage giggling suggested that he wasn’t at all successful in hiding it. He rolled his eyes, but the grin remained. Beat it , he mouthed at the kid who was snickering, raising his eyebrows threateningly, but instead the kid burst into outright laughter and a chorus of juvenile “ooooohs,” suddenly filled the air. Confused, they followed the pointing fingers and looked up to find one of the youngsters sitting on the bookshelf behind them, holding a piece of mistletoe out over their heads. 

Luka rolled his eyes. “Oh, very funny, Rowan,” he scoffed, but then he turned and caught Marinette’s face in his hands and kissed her. Without lifting his lips from hers, he hooked one arm around her neck and the other around her waist and bent her backwards. The liplock itself wasn’t anything special—he wasn’t about to ravish her in front of a bunch of schoolkids, particularly since he knew all of their parents personally and did not need the earful they would give him—but it didn’t matter; the utterly cliche dip was as gross to them as a real kiss would have been. 

“EW!” screamed the younger children, while the older ones either whooped or groaned, and Luka sent them a wicked grin as he set Marinette back up on her feet.  

“Never bluff a Couffaine,” he told them, reaching out to ruffle Rowan’s multicolored head as he dropped down frm the bookshelf.  Rose gave him a smug look as she came to retrieve the delinquents, and Luka couldn’t even make himself glare at her. 

Marinette smacked his chest and he just winked at her, catching her hand and holding it to his heart. He got a little charge from the way her stern face twitched and then melted into a smile almost as silly as his own. He bent down as if drawn by a magnet and their lips met for a softer, more genuine kiss, and then she shoved his face away and turned back to watch the wise men start their parade to Bethlehem from the back of the library. 

Luka looped his arms around Marinette’s waist and shook his head slightly as he watched the shepherds, decked in shredded leather and ripped denim and artistically mussed as though they really had been lounging around a field, cower before the rhinestone-studded angel glittering brilliantly in the light of the old spot Rose had bullied or begged from somewhere. “You’re a genius,” he murmured in her ear. 

She tensed a little, but snuggled back in his arms. Luka sighed softly and nuzzled her temple, wishing he could help her, but whatever she was going through in her creative life, she was going to have to figure out for herself. He found her hand with his again and laced her slender, hard-working fingers through his own. 

They both jumped when the library doors flew open with a bang. Everyone jumped or stiffened, and a room full of wide eyes turned to look at the tall, blond woman wearing an absurdly large hat and a fur stole stomp into the library like it was a fashion runway.

Luka felt Marinette gasp, and tightened his hold on her. 

The woman looked around, and demanded in a voice that echoed off the walls. “Well, where is she? Marinette Dupain-Cheng, get out here this instant or you’re fired .”

Marinette pushed him away, and walked toward the tall woman, who spun on her heels to face her. “A-Audrey,” Marinette stammered. “What are you doing here?” 

“My dear, the question is, what are you doing here?” Audrey replied with a sniff, looking around the little library. “No wonder you haven’t been able to get any work done in this dismal place.” 

“Audrey, I’m on leave,” Marinette began, and Audrey flapped a hand dismissively. 

“Leave, schmeave. We have deadlines , Marinette. Deadlines you are appallingly behind on.” 

“B-behind?” Marinette stuttered, looking taken aback. “We were on schedule! I left very specific instructions!” Luka came up behind her and put a hand on her back in silent support.

“Those instructions were ridiculous ,” Audrey sneered. “The products were completely unacceptable. And since you didn’t deign to answer my calls, I came to fetch you myself. If you weren’t so talented I would have just fired you on the spot for abandoning things in such a state.” 

He felt Marinette tense under his hand, and her fists clenched. “Unacceptable—Audrey, you approved those designs! If the production team—” 

“ You are the designer,” Audrey accused, pointing an immaculately manicured finger in Marinette’s face. She flinched, and Luka had to fight every instinct in his body to keep still. “This is your failure. Now come along. You have a lot to make up for. Get in the car, we’ll stop and pick up your things on the way.” She turned and stalked to the door, clearly expecting Marinette to follow. 

Marinette stared after her with her mouth open. Then she closed it, swallowed, and straightened her shoulders—and moved to follow Audrey. 

Luka caught her hand without meaning to. “Marinette,” he said, and she turned her face to look up at him. For a moment they just stared at each other, and cold dread coiled in the pit of Luka’s stomach. 

“I guess this is it,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, Luka. Goodbye.” 

Luka stared at her as her hand slipped out of his. She picked up her pink coat as she passed the chair where he had placed it earlier. She dug in the pocket a moment, and took out a box, putting it on the table. She took one look back at him, and then followed Audrey out, catching the door so that it closed with a quiet click instead of a slam. 

“Luka,” Rose whispered at his side, and he barely even felt her touch on his arm. He watched through the windows of the library door as Marinette, head down, shoulders bowed, got into Audrey’s limo. 

Only when the car pulled away down the street could he move. He closed his mouth, and swallowed. Then he went quietly to his own coat, and put it on slowly, aware of the eyes on him the entire time. 

He emerged into the sun and cold, fresh air, and looked around. The street was as it always was this time of year, with families and couples and individuals meandering through. Tinsel decorations sparkled on the streetlights, and the storefronts all had fake snow frosting the corners of their windows.

Luka blinked against the glare, so bright it brought tears to his eyes, put his hands in his pockets, and turned for home. 

***

Marinette didn’t even hear most of Audrey’s chatter on the ride back to the city. She couldn’t stop thinking about that look on Luka’s face. 

I should never have kissed him , she thought, staring out of the window. I knew better, and I let him make me believe . 

She sighed—silently, so as not to draw Audrey’s notice. She wasn’t being fair. Of course it was a shock, what happened. Neither of them had been expecting it. There had been no bittersweet farewell, no moment of closure. No last kiss goodbye, no one last diamond moment to hold on to as the sands began to flow again. 

He would get over it, once the shock passed, she thought mournfully, running an absent finger over the leather wrap on the door handle. He’d send her a text later, she was sure, something sweet and thoughtful, to let her know he was alright and that he was sorry things happened the way they had, but good luck and have a good life and oh, thanks for the present, that was really sweet.

And then he’d go back to his cozy life and forget her like he intended to all along. 

She was so stupid , letting him talk her into living that little fantasy for even a day, let alone— 

She shook her head slightly. This was better. It only would have been worse if she’d stayed longer. 

...at least she had the memories to hold in her heart, though. He’d been right about that. She could remember what it was like to feel like he loved her, his affection and pride and unwavering support, his warm, sweet kisses, and the way that he looked at her…the way everyone giggled at them in the cafe. The quiet, private times when she’d curled in the hollow of his body as he held his guitar around her and played just for her, and she hadn’t had to do anything or be anything. The time he’d taken her up on the hill and they’d stood amongst the young trees, cuddled close against the chill as they looked up at the stars and for once she felt like the universe was big enough to let her breathe...

She fingered the lapel of his jacket beneath her own. Okay, maybe he’d been right too. Maybe the memories were worth having. 

If only she could have stayed. 

She gave another small shake of her head, blinking back tears, keeping her face averted from Audrey slightly. 

“And the colors were atrocious —”

“I told you the color scheme was wrong,” Marinette said before she could think the better of it. 

“It’s your job to make it work,” Audrey snapped. “ You sourced those fabrics.”  

“According to your specifications,” Marinette shot back, her tone even but unyielding. “If you want to overrule me, that’s your prerogative, but don’t blame me for the outcome.” 

Audrey pulled off her ever-present sunglasses and looked at Marinette with narrowed eyes. “If you don’t want this opportunity,” she said coldly, “then say so and stop wasting my time.” 

Marinette shrank slightly. “Of course I do,” she sighed miserably, looking back out of the window. “It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.” 

“And don’t you forget it,” Audrey sneered, sliding her sunglasses back on. “Or I’ll find someone else to clean up your mess.”

Marinette gritted her teeth and clenched her fists in her lap, willing herself to stay silent.

Speaking up wouldn’t do any good anyway. 

***

He was still sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly into space, when Rose got home. Luka didn’t even hear the door open, but he did hear Rose’s footsteps approaching over the wood floor. 

“Luka,” Rose said softly, but he didn’t look at her. She set a small box on the table in front of him. “I’m pretty sure this was meant for you.” When he didn’t move, she slid it over until it touched his fingers. “You should open it.”

She waited a moment longer, and when he didn’t move, she sighed. “I’m sorry, Luka.” He listened to her retreat, leaving him alone again. 

Sometime later he felt fingers slide through his hair, and the familiar song of his mother’s jangling jewelry was quickly followed by her scent surrounding him as she bent and pressed her lips to his forehead. “I’m proud of ye, son,” she told him. “Take as long as ye need.” 

He sat there until it was dark outside, without really thinking about anything in particular. He just felt...numb. 

Finally he looked at the box Rose had left him. He contemplated it for a moment, and then drew himself up with a sigh, and picked up the box. It was a nice box, lined in silver ribbon. Trust Marinette to pay attention to every detail. He fumbled it a little before he managed to slide the top off. 

There was a pair of black leather gloves inside. Luka frowned slightly, picking them up. The leather was buttery soft, like it was already broken in, and...he slid one on his hand and flexed his fingers.

It fit perfectly, with none of the tightness or resistance that had always bothered him in the past. “You little sneak,” he murmured, tears stinging his eyes even as he smiled. “How’d you pull this off, hmm?” 

Luka remembered suddenly how they’d been talking at Sally’s, and she had walked her little fingers over each finger of his hand, like it was something completely idle. He’d thought it was cute at the time. He’d thought she was just teasing him, since she pulled her hand away every time he tried to take it, but…

He’d be willing to put money on it that she had used some of the leather from his wardrobe to make these, and she’d chosen something he’d worn enough to take the stiffness out of the leather. And the accents around the cuffs and along the darts at the back of the hands...those were from the jacket she’d kept. The one she’d had to cut down when she took the lights out.The one she’d still been wearing, when she walked out today.

Luka swallowed a lump in his throat. All that work that she’d done, on the children’s costumes, and she’d found time to do this for him as well. Because she cared about him, and she loved his music, and she wanted him to take care of his hands. 

“Marinette,” he sighed, letting his head fall on the table. “You’re killing me here.” 

He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there after that before Juleka’s hand rested lightly on his back. She didn’t say anything, just stayed there, and after a minute, he lifted his head and leaned it back on her. She stroked his hair just like his mother had. 

“You need a ride to the bus station in the morning?” Juleka asked. 

Luka closed his eyes. “Yeah.” 

Fiction Master Post | Month of Miracles

[werejusttouchingeachother]

SEOUL 2018 [August 10th, 4:27PM]

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 T/W: angst - mentions of abuse, depression, suicide, cursing Words: 4171

It was almost two months later when you finally met Baekhyun again after the night he left New York. He’d been at the dorms and you’d felt more terrified than you had been when you first launched your boutique.

Manager had ushered you inside quickly, immediately making you feel awkward as your eyes met Junmyeon and Sehun who were sitting on the couch and watching something on the television.

“Y/N,” Junmyeon called your name in surprise as he quickly stood up, wide eyes exchanging glances with Manager behind you. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I don’t think anyone did, Hyung,” Sehun mutters, giving you a small smile. “Hi, Noona. It’s been a long time. I missed you.”

You smile fondly at that, tense shoulders loosening at his contagious warmth. “I missed you too, Sehun.”

“I’m mad at you, though.” He crossed his arms. “You never called. Or responded to my texts.”

You flinched, expecting this accusation from the youngest member who’d always had the most fun teasing you and who you knew would take your silent treatment the hardest—not when you’d spent days and nights sending each other funny memes and pictures of dogs with bad haircuts almost on a daily basis only to suddenly ghost him.

“Yeah, I just…” you trail off and shake your head, knowing excuses were in vain. “I’m sorry. I should have replied.”

Sehun blinks at your sincere apology, not having expected it and his face clouds over with worry at your seriousness.

“Sehun,” Jun says, nudging him. “You can catch up with her later.” He gives you a meaningful look as he asks, “Y/N, aren’t you here to—?”

“Yeah, I’ll go check,” Manager says, turning to your left in the direction of the rooms. You grab his arm to stop him.

“Does he…?” You trail off and Manager hesitates before nodding.

“I told him that you landed here today morning.” He pauses before saying, “I think he’s expecting you.”

You waited in the hallway then as all the members slowly filed out of their rooms, giving you polite formal smiles (Jongin, Yixing and Jongdae), wary looks (Minseok and Kyungsoo) or blatantly ignored your presence (Chanyeol).

You didn’t say anything. If any of them knew what had exactly happened, you were sure that it had to be Chanyeol.

All of them joined Junmyeon and Sehun in the hall, the farthest room from Baekhyun’s to give you as much privacy as they could within a dormitory. Bowing your head in thanks, you walk past Manager and head for the right door at the end of the hallway.

Taking a deep breath, you raise your hand and knock gently on the door. You can hear the silence of the usually noisy dorm and it doesn’t help the way your heart is pounding against your rib-cage, your stomach twisting with anxiety.

The door opens then and your breath catches as your eyes fall on Baekhyun.

His hair is dishevelled and his clothes are drabby, hanging off him in a way that you knew all too-well that he had been wearing them for a while. His cheeks are hollow and your eyes run over his clothes, growing frustrated when you realise they’re too large to figure out whether he’d lost weight.

“You haven’t been eating,” Baekhyun says, his tone flat and your eyes fly back up to his face in surprise. You feel your skin rise with goosebumps at hearing his voice after so long and your eyes sting with unshed tears that you have to forcibly blink back.

“I…” You clear your throat before raising an eyebrow at him. “Neither have you. Your face has grown thinner.”

“What is this, a competition?” He rolls his eyes, stepping away to let you in.

“If it is, nobody is winning!” You hear Sehun shout from the hall, making you roll your eyes.

“Sehun, shut up!” Baekhyun yells as he closes the door behind him. You bite your lip as you look around the familiar room that was almost a home to you at one point—a point that seemed entirely too long ago now.

“Did you wear lipstick? Or did you chew it all off?” Baekhyun asks, pointing out your usual nervous habit and your gaze shifts back to him as he sits in his gaming chair, opposite the bed that looked unusually tidy.

He hasn’t been sleeping.  

“Did you sleep at all this past week?” You shoot back, crossing your arms as you sit down on the bed and cock your head at the neatly made sheets. “Or leave that seat? How long have you been gaming in those clothes?”

“Why do you care?” Baekhyun snaps and you sigh, leaning back as you square your shoulders and remind yourself not to follow his childish antics.

“I didn’t come here to fight, Baek,” you start, trying to gather your thoughts. “I—”

“Y/N.” His voice is sharp enough that you stop, eyebrows rising as he inhales deeply before saying, “If you’re here to break up, just leave. I haven’t processed a lot since New York but I’m not numb enough that I can sit here and listen to you end everything. Being here in Korea must be killing you anyway so just leave and I’ll consider it the end. Let’s not make this any harder than it—”

“Shut the fuck up, Baekhyun,” you snap, eyes narrowed in disbelief as you gape at him. “Is that what you want to do? New York to be our last conversation? Just leave a two-years-long relationship like this?” You shake your head, holding up your hand to stop whatever he was going to say as you interrupted, “I’ll leave soon, don’t worry. As soon as I’m done telling you what I have to tell you.”

He falls silent, eyes watching you carefully and you take a breath before starting. “I told you something that night two months ago. Before you said that I shouldn’t be feeling that way. Something about my childhood. Do you remember?”

Baekhyun nods slowly. “You said that you’ve never been enough for your parents from when you were young. And I made you feel like that again, yeah, that’s burned into my memory, don’t worry.”

You shake your head, shooting him a look. “That first part, yes. The second part, no. This is what I flew out here to tell you, face-to-face. What I should have told you that night.”

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you take a second to muster the courage to say what you’re going to say. Baekhyun immediately notices your hesitation, his eyes clouding with worry at the obvious storm raging inside your mind right now.

It almost makes you smile—the fact that he could still read you like an open book. Despite all the pain, all the misunderstanding, all the conflicting emotions that were stirred up amongst both of you, he still worried about you, your thoughts, your nervous habits and your weight.

“My parents came from well-reputed families,” you started, leaning back against the wall. “It was an arranged marriage, a union that was more of a business deal than that of love. They weren’t chaebols or anything but they were well-off and had a long uninterrupted line of sons on my father’s side that always took over the business and carried it forward.”

Baekhyun’s face falls at this, already knowing where this was headed as you continued, “They wanted a boy. When I was born, it was more of a shock than anything. They tried a lot for a second child but my mother had some health issues and there were complications. So they were stuck with me and I was… never enough. I did everything they wanted me to do, always obeying their insane rules and never had any fun the way other kids did. I used to draw a lot from when I was a kid and they would rip my drawings apart, throw my colours away. I’d get into trouble if I didn’t do the homework or scored anything less than hundred on tests. I used to cry at school and my teacher told me that they do it because they love me, because they care. That most parents are strict so the kids will grow to be really smart.”

“So I studied hard. Began to buy separate notebooks to draw in and hide them where they wouldn’t find them. I lived by the rules they made, all through middle school and high school—it was always hell, I was always wishing to get away. I never even dared to like someone as a teenager because I feared what would happen at home if they found out. I didn’t have any friends because they discouraged it, said it was a distraction. They’d decided on the day of my birth that since I couldn’t take over the business, I’d follow the highest position for a woman—medicine. Their words, not mine. So then, I joined medical school and when I had to draw more bodies and organs than the clothes that went on it, I snapped. I had a phase where I stopped attending classes, where I failed all the exams and almost got suspended. It was a highly prestigious school so they called in my parents and they paid heftily to keep me at school, promising that I’d make up for it.”

You pause then, lowering your head and taking a breath since the next thing was particularly difficult to voice out loud.

“That was the second time my father hit me,” you say in a hoarse voice, clearing your throat before continuing, “The first time was in elementary when they found my doodles for the first time on my books. The teacher had sent a note to them, suggesting to join an art class because I drew more than I wrote notes and they beat me till I was black and blue. They told me that art was for idiots, that things like drawing, writing, acting and singing would never get me anywhere in life. After that was when I started my preparation for medical school. After I failed that too, I thought they would understand then or at least try. But they beat me again. And I thought I’d kill myself so, I ran away from home.”

You glance at him, smiling slightly. “That time we were at Tokyo, you were so surprised when I didn’t want to take pictures together under the cherry blossom trees. It’s not because I was cold that night—it’s because cherry blossoms always reminds me of that night I ran out in Korea. They were all I could see when I looked up and they were so pretty that it felt like they were mocking me. That was the first time I wished I could look up at the sky and see the Eiffel Tower, wish that I could be at Paris where I could draw freely and just live for myself.”

“And that’s when I realised that I was going to kill myself when I hadn’t ever lived. Not once, not even for a day, had I lived for myself. It was always for my parents and they never even appreciated my efforts or tried to understand me.”

You look up then, smiling although you couldn’t see him because your eyes were tearing up. “The only time that I lived was when I designed. I had nothing to lose. There was no one to please so I thought I’d fully meet the criteria of such a worthless disappointing child. I started dreaming about Paris and my boutique—I started dreaming of skies where I could look up and see the Eiffel.”

Baekhyun’s expression is unreadable but you continue, “You know the rest from here. I lied about going for classes and instead worked many part-time jobs. I saved up just enough money for one of the cheapest flights to Paris but it wasn’t enough, of course not. I got kicked out of school and I didn’t wait to get kicked out of home too—I used all the money I’d saved to move out instead and started working at Korea. Three years later, about the time all my friends were graduating from college, I finally had enough to go to Paris. For seven months, I struggled and starved and almost died because of how poor I was before my designs finally caught the eye of someone who saw my potential. I became his apprentice.”

You take a deep breath and grabbed the pillow from his bed, hugging it in your lap because your hands were shaking.

“I have a lot of issues with my parents, Baekhyun,” you state aloud, looking at him. “My childhood was traumatic for me and there’s a lot that I’ve been suppressing from when I was a kid. I’m insecure when people show me affection because I’m not used to receiving it, I have anxieties about whether they will leave so I think I should leave first because I always tend to think I don’t deserve whatever love I get. Seoyeon is a clear example of that as my only friend—the only one I’ve trusted enough to get close to me.”

“I moved out of the apartment after you left.” His eyebrows rise at this and you explain, “It felt lonelier when you were gone. It was too big and memories kept haunting me, I was always going crazy with my own thoughts so I decided to move into a smaller place.”

You paused then, inhaling softly as you felt your shoulders lighten like you’d just lifted a burden, one that had been weighing down on you for almost all your life. Feeling your heart race slightly because of the next thing you were going to say, you mentally prepared yourself for all the negative possibilities before continuing.

“I’m going for therapy,” you declare, watching his eyes widen in surprise at this. “Seoyeon told me that if I never deal with my past, it’s always going to affect any relationship that I have. I started almost as soon as you left and all these things I told you, Baekhyun, they’re-they’re just the surface of it. You know that I hate coming back to Korea even though you didn’t know exactly why. Same with the cherry blossom trees. There’s a lot more that I can’t tell you, a lot that I can only tell my therapist because it’s difficult for me to admit it openly, even to myself. But at the same time, these are the things I should have talked to you about, like you told me that night at New York. I let my insecurities get to my head and projected it onto you which was unfair.”

You place the pillow back and stand up then, looking down at him.

“I understand and accept everything you said that night,” you state, Baekhyun gazing up at you unblinkingly. "We don’t have to go public. We never do. I don’t care about that and I don’t think I ever did. The party that night, the way everyone was so welcoming… it made me question if I was even worth standing around such people. If I was worthy of your love and care.”

“And that is not your fault, Baekhyun,” you clearly enunciate, knowing he was going to interrupt with the opposite statement. “Those are just my fears stemming from my shitty childhood. Apparently my first instinct when shown love is to fight and then flee. But I know now that it’s not a matter of worth—you’ve only loved and cared for me, unconditionally, even when I’ve been closed off and so difficult.”

“I…” You trail off, heavy emotion weighing down on your chest suddenly and making you choke on your words as you hoarsely say, “I’ve only known darkness, Baekhyun, so when you shone down on me with all your light, I got blinded. I was an idiot and I fucked up something that was beautiful and the best thing that ever happened to me. But I can see clearer now for the first time in my life and I know better. And I know that I love you. So much that I am even willing to be mysterious Mrs. Byun X forever. No one has to know about us or me and I couldn’t care less.”

You take a breath then, meeting his gaze. “I’m opening the door again, Baek. And I’m giving you the same option I did last time except now, I can promise you that I do not care about being hidden and I also promise to try and fight my demons from wrecking what we have. If we have it again.”

Baekhyun blinks at you, pouty lips parted open as he gapes at you like a fish and you nod, stepping to the door slowly.

“You don’t have to answer right now,” you reassure him, forcing yourself to smile even though you were beyond terrified. “I know it’s a lot to take at once. Manager has the address of my hotel and I’m staying for a week. Or you can just text me, if you don’t want to see me. He has my number too.”

Baekhyun doesn’t say a word and you feel your heart crack slightly in your chest as you nod, biting down on your lip and turn to the door.

Swallowing heavily, you mutter, “Goodbye, Bae—”

You’re spun around by a death grip on your arm then, eyes widening as you look up at Baekhyun standing right in front of you.

“No,” he said, shaking his head as he dragged you back to the bed. He placed his hands on your shoulders and pushed you down forcibly, ordering, “Sit.”

“How can you leave like that?” Baekhyun asked, disbelief colouring his tone. “I didn’t even speak yet.”

You blink at his glare, stammering, “I mean-I just-I didn’t want you to feel pressured—”

“Y/N, it’s been two fucking months,” he snorts, shooting you a look. He retrieves his hands from your shoulders and lowers himself to the floor at your feet.

“You know that you can just sit beside me?” You ask, glaring down at him as a sudden memory flashes vividly in your mind. “Or back on that seat across from me?”

He shrugs as he sits cross-legged, looking up at you. The room’s light was right behind you and it shone down right on his face that made it look like he had stars in his eyes and you wondered if it was bright enough to hurt him.

“I want to look at you,” he says quietly.

“You’re sitting the same way you did that night,” you remind him softly, biting down on your lip.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion before he realises, eyes softening as he takes your hand from your lap slowly.

“I’m not leaving this time,” Baekhyun assured you gently, giving you a small smile as he played with your fingers. He raises his other hand to your face and tugged your lower lip loose from your teeth, shaking his head at you and giving you a warning look, the way he always used to whenever you kept gnawing at your lips.

He sits back and gives you a cheeky smile then. “Technically, I can’t. You came here to the dorms so I don’t really have anywhere to go from here—”

“I missed you,” you blurted, unable to stop yourself. His smile freezes at your words and you blink back the tears gathering furiously as you corrected in a softer tone, “I miss you.”

“Me too,” he murmurs, intertwining your fingers together. He grips your hand tightly and seems to struggle as he forces the next words out, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. Therapy and dealing with everything from your past can’t have been easy. I should have been there, I shouldn’t have left—”

“Baek, no,” you grab his hand holding yours with your other hand, shaking your head vehemently at him. “It’s good that you did. I needed to get my shit together—about me, about us. I needed to do it, it was time.”

He looks into your eyes, voice meek as he asks, “Are you okay?”

You start to nod and he tightens his grip on your hand again as he repeats, “No, Y/N. Really… are you okay?”

You pause, swallowing slightly as you look down at both your hands. “It’s… a lot. There’s a lot that I’m remembering and reliving that I don’t want to. But that’s how I can make peace with it, how I can stop—” You take a shaky breath, choking as you finish, “—stop hurting myself. And stop myself from hurting you.”

“Oh, god, Y/N.” Baekhyun lets go of your hands then, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. You still at the sudden unexpected embrace and he pulls you down from the bed onto his lap, hugging you tightly to him.

Your entire body seems frozen as you find yourself on the floor with him, his arms clutching you tightly to him.

“Baek,” you whisper, practically trembling in his arms when you feel his warmth singe into your skin. He is as warm as you remember him and when his scent, your instant comforter, flooded your nose after missing it for what felt like forever—you’re almost ready to cry.

He pulls away to look at you, shaking his head as he whispers, “Please don’t cry, baby, it kills me.”

His hands cup your face and you close your eyes, leaning into his touch as you sigh softly. You open your eyes and almost melt when you see the way he’s staring at you.

It reminded you of Paris—the way he looked at you every night when he said ‘goodbye’ at the door of your hotel room, a gaze that lingered and that you were reluctant to break away from.

Despite saying it already, you repeat, “I miss—”

Baekhyun closes the gap between your mouths, his plush lips pressing against yours tenderly as he held your face in his hands. You closed your eyes, responding instantly while your hands fist into the front of his shirt, clutching him tightly as if you were afraid he’d slip away.

He kisses you back just as fervently, holding you gently as if he didn’t want to break you. The kiss tastes as sweet as the first, your heart thudding against your chest and butterflies erupting in your stomach as if it was your first time.

You pull away to breathe with your eyes still closed and he presses his forehead against yours, feeling your breaths intermingle. Your eyelids flutter open and his thumb wipes a stray tear that had streaked down your cheek.

“I missed you too,” he breathes, pressing another kiss to your mouth. He lingers before pulling away, lowering his hands from your face as his eyes meet yours with determination before muttering, “Fuck it.”

You blink. “What?”

“Fuck it. I love you. We’ll make it through this, through everything—my job, your past, everything. We walked into this thinking our biggest problem would be the distance and we’ve overcome that. It’s… it’s fine. I can’t lose you again, Y/N. These two months have been hell, I’ve just been going crazy in here.” Baekhyun takes in a shaky breath, grabbing your hands from his chest and staring at your joined fingers. “Hyungnim told me that you needed some space and I thought it was over so I broke down but then he told me to wait, that you just needed some time. I thought you’d made your decision and the reason you weren’t reaching out was because you didn’t want to… be with me anymore.”

You shake your head and lean forward, kissing him. “That’s not… you know I can’t leave you, Baekhyun.”

“Then don’t.”

You smile, nodding slightly. “I won’t.” You hesitate, biting your lower lip as you ask timidly, “Does this mean that you’re walking in through the open door again?”

He smiles then, cheeks puffing and eyes shining as he replies, “Well, you know what they say. Love is an open door.”

“Literally betrayed her and left her to die but okay, Hans,” you tease and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine.” He grins, releasing your hands and wrapping his arms around your middle, pulling you into his chest. “Then… oh, right. Paris. Love is your open arms.”

You roll your eyes teasingly, snorting, “Always so cheesy.”

“Shut up, you love it.” Baekhyun drops a kiss on the top of your head and you close your eyes, smiling at how much you’d missed the gesture—genuinely smiling with your heart feeling full for the first time in months. Your veins that had gone numb after so much time apart finally felt alive, filling with the ethereal golden rays as he basked you in his contagious warmth.

Your sunshine.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x01 Chapter Twenty-Three

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) That’s probably the longest “previously on” I’ve ever seen. I imagine all these plot twists make it very difficult to capture the attention of casual viewers, hence the length of the recap. And I’m dreading the scene where Jane finds out her baby’s been kidnapped…

2) “Los Milagros de Mariana” looks pretty progressive for its time, doesn’t it? Especially for a telenovela…

3) Oh dear, Jane and Rafael are watching pictures of Mateo and they have no idea he’s gone…

4) Sin Rostro’s a brunette now. Huh. I’ve wondered if they’re going to go with a different actress or if they’ll give her a different haircut once she shows up again. I mean, she’s bound to show up again, right?

5) I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have your child taken away from you. Jane’s clearly in shock, she hasn’t processed this information yet…

6) Oh thank jebus, Sin Rostro has given Michael instructions. I really hope Mateo is back with his mom by the end of this episode.

7) She took the baby… to get her brooch back? What kind of value does it have? It can’t be emotionally significant… could it be some kind of key or something? It must be something that she needs for evil purposes… Kudos to her, though, she knew that the only way to manipulate Michael into doing anything for her would be to put Jane or her baby in danger.

Also, I think I have to admit that my theory that Rose was the fighter chick was way off.

8) 

9) I think the narration needs amending...

9) “First of all, she’s not a psychopath, she’s a sociopath.” Because that’s what’s relevant at this juncture…

10) Ugh, this other moron, really?!

Like, she justified everything she did before because Sin Rostro was supposedly blackmailing her and threatening her family, but it seems to me that she is now really into being a criminal.

11) And this bitch is telling Michael about all the valuable information that’s in the chip on the brooch like she wants him to waver and consider the possibility of not giving it up! Please die.

12) Aww, this was very sweet and heartbreaking…

And Rafael and Michael actually hugged? But now the narrator is all ominous and tbh, I didn’t need that, I was already expecting everything to go to shit considering the baby was back with his family in the first act…

13) Seriously?

14) Oh, Petra, I really hope you get over Rafael SOON. He’s definitely not worth all of those cons…

15) OMG, they really said this? And it didn’t get censored?

NARRATOR: I'll say this. The girl's got spunk.

It’s such a dirty joke, I can’t believe they got away with it!

16) Yeah, I’m not a fan of this storyline…

17) I’m sorry but of all the outrageous situations that happen in this show, this is the one that’s pushing my suspension of disbelief…

No mother would go ANYWHERE other than their doctor’s appointment in the first couple of weeks of a new-born baby, especially not when he’s only one day old! That’s ridiculous! First of all, the baby shouldn’t be exposed to germs of bacteria because he still hasn’t been vaccinated. Some doctors even suggest that you shouldn’t take them out until they’re one-month old, unless it’s absolutely necessary. Second of all, moms of new-borns use of all their energy to feed and care for their babies – there’s no way in hell they’re going to get all dressed up to go to a mummy’s club or something? NO FUCKING WAY!

18) What do you know? I’m actually sympathizing with Michael…

19) So… Rafael’s semen is now… a baby’s present. Full circle, I guess.

20) It’s so weird to see that once upon a time they were a loving, healthy couple…

21) Isn’t the narrator all of us when you find yourself rooting for the “villain”?

NARRATOR: Hurry up, Petra! Wait! Why am I rooting for her?!

22) You know who I don’t feel sorry for? Luisa. She’s a fucking moron.

23) OMG ROGELIO!!

ROGELIO: In the last 24 hours, I have ruined multiple celebrity friendships by tweeting their dirty secrets in an effort to distract the press. It has not worked!

I’d really wish there was an official Rogelio twitter account because I’d love to see what and whose dirty secrets he tweeted about!

24) I really do like their friendship…

25) Aw, Jane is blaming herself because her maternal instincts didn’t kick in and it got Mateo kidnapped.

26) I guess Michael has stopped being the Nice Guy TM and moved into being Actual Nice Guy. Huh.

27) And Rafael was also kind of decent by thanking Michael, but then he wasn’t when he started having a very intimate conversation with Jane right in front of him. I guess Jane and Rafael are going to be co-parenting under the same roof now…

28) So… Magda’s advice is that Petra should sell Rafael’s sperm back to him… now, wouldn’t it be much more profitable for Petra to get inseminated with it? Evil, yeah. But so much more profitable.

29) And Moron is planting ideas on Petra’s mind…

LUISA: He got mad at me, actually. Because if I hadn't screwed up in the first place, then none of this would be happening, which it's true. I mean, that should have been your baby.

PETRA: Thank you. You're right. It should have been my baby.

NARRATOR: To be fair: Luisa didn't know Petra had Rafael's sperm.

LUISA: There's still a chance with you and Raf. I swear.

So I guess she’s going for it. But I want a storyline for Petra that doesn’t involve Rafael IN ANY WAY.

30) Okay, good, Xiomara came clean about her wedding with Rogelio. I’m glad they didn’t make her keep it a secret because it really doesn’t make much sense.

31) So… Jane felt the need to tell Michael that Rafael is staying at her house strictly as Rafael’s father. I guess it’s back to Michael. But then…

That ought to make a girl at least a bit confused.

32) ?????

I’m confused!

33) As a season opener, it was an okay-ish episode. The cliff-hanger was resolved rather quickly, which I appreciate. I don’t think it would’ve been a good idea to have Jane apart from Mateo longer than she was. It was somewhat fun, but I didn’t feel the stakes were high enough or that the season storylines were truly being established. The final scene was confusing, which I guess was meant to be, and I can’t say I’m on board with rehashing the Michael-Jane-Rafael triangle AGAIN or with Petra getting inseminated with Rafael’s sperm. I really don’t see any potential in those storylines, so let’s hope the season goes somewhere else instead.

34) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[skylightsofmylife]

1-86 pleaseeeeee

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Nope. I’m demi so it’s all about personality

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Most definitely

3. Are you a virgin?

Take an educated guess based on my girlfriend’s post

4. Are you in a relationship?

Extremely happily so

5. Are you in love?

Hey babe! Are we in love? I forgot. 

6. Are you single this year?

I can’t see the future but I seriously hope not, I’m kinda smitten with this girl who sends me asks…

7. Can you commit to one person?

Prefer to actually

8. Describe your crush

Oh, let’s see. She’s a dork, with a sense of humor, has the most adorable smile, always knows how to cheer me up, might have a really hot haircut or something???

9. Describe your perfect mate

Kitten (She knows what this means)

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Love is blind, she don’t work based on sight

11. Do you ever want to get married?

If the moment felt right, yes. *adds honeymoon to gift registry* 

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Regrettably, yes *massive eye roll at self*

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I might have a little bit of a green monster in me, *green monster shouts* a little, who are you trying to fool

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

15. Do you have any piercings?

Yeppers, pretty sure I’m naked enough on here you can find it easily

16. Do you have any tattoos?

A phobia of having ink on my skin keeps me from getting them

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Babe, we are still making out in the middle of the airport next time right? 

20. Do you shower every day?

Yes, in the tears of my enemies, mwahahahahha, again, who am I kidding. It’s my own tears cause I have estrogen coursing through my veins

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

She better for making me answer all of these

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

*sends nood to GF* yep pretty sure someone is

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

What even is this questions? If you can’t do this may I suggest polyamory my dear

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I honestly don’t know, it’s something I have resisted for a very long time but recently my feelings have changed on it because of someone

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I hope so being I am

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Ditto baby girl

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Poem, yes. Does a theme song count?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I’d have to resort to calculus to get the exact number of times it’s happened it’s so numerous at this point

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Per the previous question, I know how much it hurts first hand and could never bring myself to inflict that kind of pain on someone

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

*Giant book thuds on counter* Story time children. I’d have my nose thinned and shaven down, chin rounded and cleft removed, hairline rounded, ears pinned, love handles removed, maybe boobs just to round them; don’t really want bigger. Having the major one I want in two days. 

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

*gets out the tear bucket* oh, we come prepared around these parts. Flooding and leakage is imminent 

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Maybe, idk. I have a rather unique experience that keeps me from falling in love with people who don’t feel the same

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

I wish I could say no

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Girl what that tongue do? 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yep. 

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Like, all of them

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Probably, in high school

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Oh definitely. But usually that ends up being your best friend

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I honestly don’t know if I couldn’t have her… just never asked

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Lots of poems, had an ex that loved them so I would leave them as notes on my pillow since I got up way earlier

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Just a little bit

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

What are we counting as wandering? Touching hips/waist, not very long. Anywhere else I can make out for hours without hands roaming.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

3 years (woot for psychology being so predictable for the end of the honeymoon phase)

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Not many actually. Discounting the one I was in against my will, 3.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

Why y’all gotta pick my hoe/college years?! Give me a sec to count… 8?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Not a lot… Maybe 10 times? It’s somewhere around there. (All with the same person mind you)

47. How old are you?

Some would say I look good for 428

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Good for them honestly. I’ve been in this situation but I always put other peoples’ happiness before mine. 9 times out of 10 I end up helping them get with the person they like

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

She keeps me grounded. No matter what she can always make my darkest day brighter just by being there. (Also the hair)

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Leave the gifts, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Oh, and let people decide things for themselves

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Mostly anything, yes

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I wouldn’t say given up but more so realized we were fundamentally different people and things would never work between us

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I mean probs. Maybe not mad but there’s definitely someone jealous out there

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes, friends I have had to move away from due to mental health issues

55. Share a relationship story.

Jess, just read our texts. Everyone else, Jess is reading our texts

56. State 8 facts about your body

Pokemon #188

57. Things you want to say to an ex

If you’re going to cheat have the decency to break up with your partner first or be able to admit your wrong instead of finding flaws in your partner to exploit and make them feel like it’s their fault

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be easy to talk to, have emotional intelligence, love me for who I am not what you want me to be, make me laugh, *cough cough - cover your eyes children* make me moan loudly (sorry, not sorry)

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/skylightsofmylife search #me

Jess, just look at your photos

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

7  years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

The way they talk

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Whisper in my ear what they want to do to me (unless they are a stranger then it’s creepy, cause both have happened)

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Oral or anything that penetrates (that includes fingers and toys)

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Anything beyond non-sexual flirting

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Oh goodness, babe here’s your playbook. Shove me against a wall, throw my hands above my head, kiss my mouth just a little then go straight for the neck. Once you’ve done that for a little, take a hand and put it under my shirt and scratch (HARD) from my under-bust to my pant-line. Take me to a bed and push me onto it rather hard, straddle me kiss my mouth and neck some more, whisper what you’re going to do next in my ear, take my clothes off, kiss my breasts and stomach, after that a little gently play *down there* and I’m yours. 

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

N/A

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Backyard movie date; with a sheet, projector, and a picnic basket

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I put lesbian in my bio because it’s easier and I only date women/non-binary/gnc. But the whole thing is demi pansexual, homoromantic. 

69. What turns you off?

Weirdly my biggest turn off is getting my hair wet. No idea why

70. What turns you on?

Running a hand up my inner thigh

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I’m honestly not sure… my sex dreams often include consent cause it’s a big deal to me so they typically don’t get far because that’s the majority of it

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Fuck, that feels amazing, don’t stop doing that *moan*, my name, Jess knows the last one

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Buy me an outfit just because they think it would look cute on me

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Smile?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Found a private showing of my favorite movie on Valentine’s day

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Probably cooked a 3 hour meal just because I knew they liked it that much

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

So long as it’s legal and consensual I really don’t care. I personally will not date beyond the 7 years I’ve already done but that’s just a personal choice

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

Probably my needle fetish

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

About 5 years ago. My ex was leaving me for the person they said they had no feelings for

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Like an hour ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess, and Jess

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My mom

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A narcissist who ended up using me in the end so I’d rather not name them 

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

Because I wasn’t cis-enough

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Oh hey babe!

For real, fuck you Jess. I’m packing now. Unless you wanna do 65…..

[writerofculture-blog]

Chapter 10

1994

“You know, it’s uncanny. Whenever I hear Freddie’s voice through the speaker, I still feel he’s right here with us.” Roger lit a cigarette as he and John smoked in the tearoom of their recording studio.

“How do you know he’s not.” John puffed a smoke, “I bet he is laughing at your ridiculous haircut right now.”

“Brian’s sci-fi mind is rubbing off on you Deaky. You got to be careful before you become crazy like him and curly hair start to grow out of your head too.” Roger stuck out his tongue at the younger man.

John snickered and finished the last smoke before putting the cigarette butt down.

“Roger, I’m done, it’s your turn now.” Brian called out to his blond bandmate as he entered the tearoom.

“Oh, here comes the fun killer.” Roger reluctantly killed his half cigarette as he saw Brian enter the room.

John smiled. He got up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. He glanced at the clock on the wall that read 3:30pm. “I think I’m done for today. You guys okay if I leave now? I will finish my part up tomorrow.” He said as he put on his jacket.

“Sure thing.” Replied Roger, “but where are you going Deaky?”

“Got to take care of some business.” John smiled mysteriously as he turned around to start walking toward the door.

“Deaky…” Brian called as he grabbed John’s shoulder.

John patted Brian’s hand on his shoulder, “I will see you at home Brian.” With that, he zipped up his jacket and walked toward the door.

“Recently, he’s been leaving at this time pretty frequently. Where is he going?” Roger’s curiosity is getting the better of him.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Brian shook his head and poured himself some tea.

“But you two live together.” Roger commented.

“That doesn’t mean we are joined at the hips.” Brian took a sip of his tea. “There’s got to be some personal space.”

“Aren’t you curious though? What if he has a hot date?” Roger wondered.

Brian almost spurted his tea. “Hot date at 3:30 in the afternoon? For what? Tea party?”

Roger got up from his chair, grabbed his coat and run toward the door while yelling, “I’m going to bounce early too Brian, will finish tomorrow.”

“Wait.” Before Brian could react, Roger is out of his sight.

Just as Brian is finishing his tea and getting ready to go back to the recording studio to get more work done, his beeper rang. It is a message from Roger telling him to meet at an address in southwest London as soon as possible.

“What the hell.” Brian muttered. Concerned that it might actually be something serious, Brian grabbed his jacket and left the studio.

The address Roger sent turned out to be a small, quiet park at the side of the neighborhood street. Roger was hiding behind shrubbery looking into the park. When he saw Brian, he waved the guitarist over.

“What are you doing here?” Before Brian could continue, Roger covered his mouth.

“Would you please lower your voice.” Roger scolded in a hushed tone.

Brian frowned and looked at the direction Roger was staring. To his surprise, he saw John, with a boy of 11 or 12 years of age whom he did not immediately recognize.

“That’s Cameron.” Roger whispered. Brian suddenly remembered. The boy was indeed John’s second youngest son Cameron. They haven’t seen him for a couple of years, he has grown quite a bit taller compared to Brian’s memory.

So that’s what Deaky has been doing all those afternoons. Brian realized with a heavy pang of guilt in his heart. Oh Deaky, his sweet, considerate Deaky. He mustn’t want Brian to see how pathetic he was trying to reconnect to his children so Brian wouldn’t feel sad for him, to relieve his lover the burden of guilt for the situation which Brian know he has caused.

“Dad, I wish you could visit us sometimes.” Brian heard Cameron complain. “We all miss you so much. Laura was crying to Mum the other day wanting to see you after they had a big row. Josh is quiet and Luke is snarky, but I know they both miss you.”

John sighed and hugged his son. “I know Cam. You have no idea how much I miss all of you. You can bring them here you know, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If they want to come.”

Cameron nodded. “I will ask them.”

“How are Robbie and Michael. Are they enjoying uni? Enjoying the freedom?” John asked.

“I think so. Robbie still comes home once a week or so. Michael hardly ever comes home anymore, only when he runs out of clean cloth or food. Or that’s what Mum said.”

John couldn’t help but laugh at his son’s childish comment. “How is your mother by the way.”

“She is okay. I think she just works too hard and is too tired. That’s why she is short with us sometimes and why she and Laura just can’t get along.” Cameron replied sadly.

John rubbed the boy’s dark hair, “you help her Cam. You are a big boy now.”

Cameron nodded. “I do Dad. I wash the dishes on Monday and Tuesday while Laura does them on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Luke does the weekend. Josh helps to clean the table and kitchen.”

“That’s good. You are all such good kids. Dad is proud of each one of you.” John turned and brought a gift box out of the bag sitting on the bench. He handed it to his son and said, “it’s Luke’s birthday tomorrow. Can you pass on the present I got him? Don’t let him or your mother know it’s from me to avoid unnecessary fuss.”

Cameron’s face lit up in a smile. “Oh, don’t worry Dad. I won’t tell Mum. Luke will say something sarcastic but I know he will be ecstatic to get a gift from you, Dad.”

Brian wiped a drop of tear from the corner of his eye. He turned and walked away causing Roger to follow him quietly. He can’t bear looking at the scene anymore. He didn’t regret giving John the ultimatum two years ago because he had been so deliriously happy these past two years that he didn’t think it was possible. And he was sure John is equally as happy.

He knew there were consequences. He knew there were wounds. But he didn’t expect them to hurt this much. Watching the interaction between John and his son in the park, Brian felt multiple kicks in the gut. He felt even more painful than when his own kids wouldn’t talk to him.

“I’m sorry Deaky. I will try to make it up to you.” Brian murmured under his breathe while a plan was forming in his head.

Brian was pacing anxiously back and forth on the porch in front of John’s old house in Southwest of London. He was not able to get a wink of sleep the previous night which he spent watching John in peaceful slumber while stroking his now soft graying hair. This early spring morning, Brian snuck out of the recording studio the first chance he got.

Even if Veronica did give him a chance to speak, Brian was not sure what he was going to say. He had not felt this nervous for a long time. He just knew he had to do this. He had to do this for Deaky.

“What are you doing here?” Veronica shot Brian an icy glare as she was coming up the porch from her car. She was still pretty and well put together, but definitely looked older and thinner than the last time Brian saw her a couple of years ago.

“Ronnie?” Brian said hesitantly.

“Please stop calling me that. And you should know you are not welcome here, Mr. May.” Veronica snapped.

Brian sighed. He knew this was going to be difficult. “Ms. Tezlaff, I came to talk to you.”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about. I have a busy schedule today so if you could please leave.” Veronica walked past Brian toward the front door of the house.

Brian stood between the woman and the door. “Veronica, please just hear me out for a minute. I want to talk to you about John and your kids.”

Veronica froze at the mention of her ex-hushand’s name. She turned away from Brian, “if you are here to laugh or pity at me. I suggest you leave now. I get it! John left. He left me and the children. You have him now. What else do you want?”

“Veronica. I now you don’t want to hear me say sorry, but I really am. It’s a difficult situation for everyone.” Brian took a deep breath. “John loves you. He never stopped loving you. He left because he loves you and wants to be honest with you. He loves his kids and it’s breaking his heart to not be able to see them.”

“Well, he should have thought about that before he left.” Shoulders shuddering, Veronica’s voice cracked and Brian could tell she was crying.

He tentatively put a hand on Veronica’s shoulder which she immediately shrugged off. Brian sighed and walked in front of her. “I know you are angry Veronica. I know you hate me. You hate John. But did you think about the kids? John is still their father. Can you tell me now that they don’t miss him?”

Veronica sobbed harder while Brian offered her a tissue. He continued, “when Chrissie first divorced me, she didn’t let me see Jimmy, Louisa and Emily for a good three years. I missed them so much that it was killing me every day. In the end, she backed down because she knew they missed me too. I know this is hard for you Veronica. John had hurt you deeply and you want to get back at him by not letting see the children he loves. But I also know each one of your kids miss John. Do you think it’s fair for them to deprive the chance of seeing their father?”

Brian did not say anything else, just offered more tissues to the teary woman. They stood there in silence except for Veronica’s quiet sobs. When she calmed down, she asked, “John told you to come today didn’t he? He doesn’t have the guts to see me himself.”

Brian shook his head and smiled sadly, “no. John doesn’t know about this at all. He understood you are angry and respected your decision. I came because I couldn’t stand to see John, you, and the kids all suffering so much. You have always been a kind and generous woman Veronica. I don’t expect you to change your mind. You need to take your time. But just think about what I said okay?”

Brian zipped up the collar of his Jacket and walked into the early spring rain. He never expected to hear the words, “Luke is going to have a birthday party today afternoon. Everyone will be here around 5. If John wants to drop by, it’s not the worst thing in the world.”

Brian was so excited that he almost ran up to Veronica and gave her a hug. He stopped himself and just choked out, “thank you Veronica. Thank you so much!”

As Veronica went inside the house, Brian could not tell the drops on his face were rain or tears of joy.

“Ronnie is an amazing woman.” John sighed.

Freddie nodded in agreement, “and Brian really loves you.”

1997

“Deaky!” Roger got up from the recliner as he saw his friend walked through the door of the lounge. He grabbed John in a bear hug which John gladly reciprocated.

“Roger, you and your ridiculous shades.” John laughed as he shook his head. “Can’t you just wear regular glasses or get contact lens?”

“Hey, I’m a rock star, not a nerd.” Roger sat back on the recliner chair and beaconed John to sit on the leather sofa beside him. “Come sit. Anything to drink, Deaky? Coffee? Tea? Booze?”

“Tea would be fine.” John replied as he sat down.

Roger used the phone on the side table to order tea for John and more wine for himself.

“You have gone soft Roger. You drink wine now? No more hard liquor?” John snickered.

Roger shook his head, “not getting any younger, Deaky.”

“So this is where you hang out now? VIP club lounge.” John raised his eyebrows as he looked around the fancy room.

“Just some peace and quiet from home, mate.” Roger lit a cigarate while offering John one.

John shook his head. “I quit. Brian made me.”

“I knew this would happen!” Roger exclaimed. “So where is Brian?”

“He’s coming from the recording studio. Will be here any minute.”

Roger leaned back and sighed, “since we made that Made in Heaven album, we don’t get to hang out as much anymore. I feel like I haven’t seen you two in ages. What have you been up to?”

John poured himself some tea and sipped. “Brian has been busy recording his solo projects, and also saving all the badgers in England. I have just been a home body really, reading some books, spending time with my kids. Oh, I enrolled back into the master program in electrical engineering at uni, the one I dropped out in 1974. But this time I think I will transition to doctorate program.”

“Oh wow, good for you Deaky. Brian will be so jealous.” Roger laughed.

“Who will I be jealous of?” Brian’s voice came from behind the pair as he walked through the door.

“Brian!” Roger set down his wine glass and jumped onto the taller man.

“Wow easy Roger. You are not as petite as 20 years ago and my back is not as sturdy.” Brian chuckled as he tightly hugged his blond friend.

Brian bent down to gently peck John’s temple before sitting down beside him on the sofa causing the bassist to flush for a short moment. Even after so many years, John still blushes at Brian’s intimate gestures in public even though this is just in front of Roger.

“Deaky is just telling me how he enrolled back into his doctorate degree he left 20 years ago.” Roger filled Brian in on the conversation.

Brian smiled proudly and rubbed his lover on the back, “I know. It’s great isn’t it? I am going to get my astronomy doctorate one of these days too.”

“Of course, you will.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“What did you call us here for Roger?” John asked, “it can’t just be because you missed us.”

“Well, I do miss you guys.” Roger said matter of fact. “But I also have something else on mind.” He turned to Brian, “I heard the demo of the song ‘No-one But You’, Brian. I think it’s great. We should record it.”

“I sent you that months ago Roger! You just listened to it now?” Brian pretended to sound hurt. “And yes. For your information, I do plan to record it.”

“Well, I am a busy man.” Roger snorted. “And no Brian. I meant ‘we’ should record it, as Queen.”

Brian and John shared a look before John replied reluctantly, “I don’t know Roger. I haven’t been playing regularly for a while.”

“Come on Deaky, even Roger thinks so.” Brian rubbed John’s shoulder, “you are so talented you will find the groove in no time.”

“Yeah Deaky. Think of it as a tribute to Freddie.” Roger knew the bassist could not refuse if their dear friend’s name was mentioned.

John agreed just as Roger expected. He and Brian exchanged a grin.

Brian poured himself a cup of tea, “I agree we should make and perform more music as Queen. But to do that, we need a new singer.”

“What are you saying Brian? Don’t tell me you are suggesting to replace Freddie.” John sounded surprised.

Brian shook his head, “never. We can never replace Freddie and nor do we ever want to. But when I went to see him the last time a couple of days before he passed, he told me clearly that his last wishes were for us to continue making music and perform our music to the next generation. In order to do that, we do need another front man. What do you guys think about Robbie Williams?”

“The kid from Take That?” Roger asked.

Brian nodded, “yes. I met him a couple of months ago at an event. He’s a good kid. He can definitely sing and perform. I got a call from Jim earlier today. Turns out he had been looking for a front man for us as well and he mentioned Robbie. I think he will be great for us and he is interested.”

“He’s a bit young don’t you think?” Roger pondered.

“That’s what we need, youth and energy.” Brian chuckled, “no one wants to see old ladies still rocking away. Besides, we were the similar age when we started. Deaky was even younger.”

Roger shrugged his shoulders, “you got a point. Yeah, Fred told me to keep on making music and keep his legacy alive as well the last time I went to see him.” Even after so many years, thinking about their charismatic friend still made Roger snuffle. “Let’s get together with him and discuss to see if we are on the same page. We need to do Freddie proud.”

Brian turned to the bassist, “what do you say Deaky?”

John got up and turned to look at the London skylines out of the window. He was quiet. He did not like this idea one bit. Just the picture of them on stage or studio with another person singing in Freddie’s place made him sick. Yet he cannot argue with Brian and Roger because he was the only one who didn’t have the balls to go visit Freddie one last time before he passed. He regretted it so much that to this day he could not think about the last days of Freddie without shedding tears.

‘I’m sorry Fred.’ John mumbled to himself as he felt his eyes getting watery. A pair of strong and familiar arms hugged him from behind.

“What’s wrong Deaky?” Brian whispered to his lover’s ear, “thinking about Freddie?”

Tears streamed down the younger man’s cheeks. John turned in Brian’s embraced and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder.

“I don’t know if I can do it Brian.” John’s sobbed quietly, “I can’t imagine playing on stage with someone else in Freddie’s place.”

Brian kissed his forehead and tenderly stroked John’s soft hair with his fingers, “it’s okay Deaky. Fred wouldn’t be mad at you even if you can’t.”

Pictures of Freddie filled John’s mind. How Freddie took care of him when he first joined the band. How supportive Freddie was of his relationship with Brian even though they were both married men. How devasted he was when Freddie told them about AIDS. John really hated himself for being so weak. He couldn’t go visit Freddie during those last days. Now he couldn’t even help to carry on Freddie’s last wishes?

Roger came over too and hugged them both. “It’s okay Deaky. It will be hard for all of us. But it is what Fred would have wanted so we all give our best shot okay?”

John sighed and nodded. He cannot refuse to that.

Roger smiled and wiped off the remaining tears from John’s face with the back of his hand. “We are getting ahead of ourselves anyway. Let’s start with recording Brian’s No-One But You, just the three of us. Brian and I will sing. We see how that goes and we go from there.”

Thank god there are still Brian and Roger. John thought as he watched the support his bandmates showed to his future self. He stole a glance at Freddie standing beside him, who was quietly wiping off tears from the corner of the eyes but smiling at the same time.

[lfthinkerwrites]

A Riddle for a Bat, pt. 14

Title: A Riddle for a Bat

Fandom: Batman

Pairing: Riddlebat

Rating: T

Chapter Summary: Edward gathers evidence against Thorne, but a face from the past threatens everything.

Previous Chapters: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13

AO3 Link

"So? Make any progress since we've seen you last, Mr. Nigma?"

Edward took a long gulp of water out of the glass Candace had given to him, all the while studying Thorne's facial expression. It had been slightly over twenty-four hours since he'd come face to face with Thorne and accepted his offer. Not long enough to make any kind of serious progress with his 'investigation', but long enough to have something to give to the crime lord. The man looked placid, almost friendly, sitting behind his oak desk, enforcers standing on either side of him, all with their eyes fixed on him. A lesser man might have trembled under such scrutiny, but not Edward. He was a man who relished an audience. He wet his lip, smirked and cleared his throat. This was the beginning of the greatest performance of his career. "Well, it's a bit premature to name names, but I have come up with a few deductions if you'd care to hear them."

Thorne extended a thick hand. He must have thought he looked magnanimous. "By all means."

Edward placed the glass on Thorne desk, then folded his hands. "Well, to start with, Batman, despite several feats that would suggest otherwise, is a man-"

"No shit," one of Thorne's men snorted. He was silenced by a steely glare from Thorne.

"If I may continue," Edward huffed. "He's a mortal man. He's also a singular man. His fighting style and approach to crimefighting is too consistent for it to be multiple men wearing the same costume. The man we're looking for is also somewhat older-"

"Older?" Candace questioned, standing beside Edward's chair with her arms folded. "I've seen him in action. He seems pretty spry to me."

"Older in the sense he's not a younger man," Edward clarified, resisting the urge to snap at being interrupted again. "Remember, he's been active for a decade, and we have to account for a training period before he donned the cape and cowl. He wasn't born knowing every martial art known to man. I would say that he's in his mid-thirties, forty at the oldest. Any older and his body would begin to break down from the physical stress."

"Well, that only leaves a few million suspects," Thorne said. "I hope you have a way to narrow that down."

"As a matter of fact, I do," Edward replied. "Figuring out Batman's identity is simple, depending on what direction you look at it from." The gangster looked at him dumbly and Edward had to bite back a laugh. And to think, Kristen thought he had to worry about him figuring out he was playing him. He didn't look like he could figure his way out of a wet paper bag. "The real question you need to ask is, how does Batman manage to stay active? Where does the money come from for his gadgets, his car, his plane? His upkeep can't come cheap."

Thorne rubbed his chin in thought. "Slush fund from City Hall and the GCPD?"

Edward chuckled a bit. "While that would explain this city's ridiculous tax rates, no. His tech is a bit too sophisticated to be funded by the city. GCPD clearly doesn't have access to it, or else they'd be using it as well."

Thorne's eyebrows raised. "You suspect he's privately funded. You think one of our rich socialites is moonlighting as a vigilante?"

"That would be ridiculous even for Gotham. I do think though, that he's being funded by them. The most likely scenario is that Batman himself is a current or former member of GCPD or some other law enforcement agency who also happens to be connected to one of the upper-class families in Gotham. Or perhaps he's a bodyguard. The best way to stop him isn't finding out his identity, per se-"

"But to cut off his funds," Thorne finished, a cold smile on his face. "Very clever, Mr. Nigma. So then, how do we figure out who's funding him?"

"Well, clearly, it has to be someone with an overdeveloped civic interest-"

"What about Wayne?" Candace interrupted. "Weren't his parents gunned down in an alley? He'd be pretty interested in wiping out crime."

Edward stiffened in his chair. He needed to get them off this train of thought, fast. "I've personally dealt with the man," he said quickly. "Nice, but a bit dim and no sense of discretion. He wouldn't be able to keep something like this a secret." Candace didn't look entirely convinced but didn't say anything else. "I have contacts in high places," Edward continued. "I can look into this question today, then report back what I find out."

"Good," Thorne said, pushing his chair back and standing up. "I have to say, Mr. Nigma, I'm impressed. In one afternoon, you've come closer to uncovering the truth behind Batman than anyone else in this city has for years."

Edward got out of his chair as well. "Well, I'm flattered, Mr. Thorne." Hardly. All he had done was tell Thorne basic conclusions he'd come to years ago, but the idiot didn't need to know that. "If I may ask," Edward asked. "What do you intend to do with the information I give you?"

Thorne chuckled a bit, then reached over to pat Edward on the shoulder. Edward inwardly bristled at the contact but showed no outward reaction. "Don't concern yourself too much with that Mr. Nigma," he said. "Just focus on your work. Come back here tomorrow afternoon with what you find out." His tone was final.

Edward picked up his cane. Nothing incriminating again and he only had two days left before he would put an end to this game. He needed to earn Thorne's trust and get him to open up. "Of course. Good day, Mr. Thorne."

It was dusk when Edward returned to his apartment, having run errands while he was out in case Thorne had him followed. He hung his hat and cane upon his coat rack before taking off his suit jacket and hanging it up. He loosened his tie and sighed. He'd held Thorne off for now, but he would need to deliver something tangible to him tomorrow to prevent any suspicion. He'd have to give a name. He ran a hand through his hair. Not Veronica or her family. She'd been too good to him. Not anyone who had been a client either. Candace had gotten too close to Bruce for comfort. No matter what, his name couldn't come up again. So then, who? Who was he going to expose to Thorne? He felt a slight breeze waft through his office and he relaxed slightly. "I haven't kept you waiting, have I?"

"No," Batman answered. Edward turned to see the man walk around his desk and up to him. He stopped inches away. "Are you alright?"

Edward nodded. "Thorne isn't any wiser to my game, but I'll need to give him information tomorrow to keep him that way."

"What kind of information?"

Edward rubbed his shoulder. "I...might have said that a socialite is funding Batman's activities to get him away from the idea of unmasking him specifically."

"I see." He wasn't angry, Edward noticed. He seemed matter of fact. "Will you?"

"I don't want to," Edward admitted. "But I don't see any way I can avoid it."

"I thought as much," the vigilante said. For the first time, Edward noticed that he was carrying a manilla envelope. He handed it over to Edward. "This is a fake profile I've put together. There's a picture and some basic biographical information. It should be enough to fool Thorne for the time being."

Edward pulled out the paperwork and looked at the photograph. It was of a square-jawed man with a hideous haircut and familiar blue eyes. He scanned the name and did a double take. "'Coleman Reese'?" Edward asked. "Mr. Reese? Mysteries? Seriously?"

"Thought you might pick up on that."

Edward put the paperwork back in the envelope and chuckled. "Never thought you'd have much of a sense of humor. So," he said looking up. "You just happen to have a fake profile ready to go? You really are prepared for everything."

"I try to be," Batman said. "There are some things though that I couldn't anticipate. Some people I never thought to prepare for."

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "Was I-" his face flushed. "Am I one of those people?"

Batman was silent for a long moment. He took a step forward and Edward felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest. "Yes," he admitted. He was so close if he leaned down just an inch, he could-"Do you still feel safe around Thorne?"

Edward bit back a curse. "Yes," he said. He shook his head. "Honestly, you're a bit over-protective."

"I think I have a good reason to be."

"May I remind you that I personally dragged you out of a burning building and drove you to medical attention?" Edward placed his hands on his hips and glared up at the Dark Knight. "I can handle myself for two more days."

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Batman's glove on his shoulder. "I know. Hopefully, you'll only need one day."

For such a powerfully built man, he had a gentle touch. Edward craved it more than anything. He wanted to melt into it. Impulsively, he grasped Batman's other hand and leaned his face upwards. "You know," he said. "Once this is over, it would be nice to talk to you about something other than Rupert Thorne."

Batman's facial expression didn't change, at least not that Edward could detect, but he felt the vigilante's hand slowly tighten around his own. "Yes," he said. "It would." Edward's heart leaped up and he closed his eyes almost expectantly. Then he felt Batman's grip loosen. He opened his eyes to see him climbing out the window to the fire escape. "Be safe, Edward," he said without looking back. "I'll be back tomorrow night." Then he disappeared.

Edward stood alone in his office and pouted. He'd been so close. Tomorrow. He'd get Thorne and Batman to open up to him tomorrow or he'd die trying.

Standing in front of the desk, Edward watched Thorne thumb through the contents of the manilla envelope with a mix of impatience and apprehension. It was a masterful forgery, Edward had to admit, but would Thorne see through it? Finally, Thorne put the papers down on his desk and looked up at Edward with a smile. "Well done, Mr. Nigma," he said. "Two days and you've found a potential source of Batman's income?"

Edward shrugged. "One credible suspect at least. Mr. Reese, in his position as CEO of a Tech corporation, has the ability to funnel tech Batman's way. He also donates extensively to law enforcement organizations in Gotham City. I think he's a more than credible lead. I've begun going through his financial records for proof, but it may take a while. I'm also looking into a few other suspects."

"Excellent!" Thorne said with a clap of his hands. "I should have hired you a long time ago. You're certainly less messy than my last hired help was."

Edward's ears pricked up. O'Reilly. Thorne was smart enough not to mention him by name, but that was the only person he could mean. He had him. He had him now. "Well," Edward said. "I do pride myself on my efficiency."

Thorne got out of his chair and extended his hand out. Edward narrowed his eyes, but took the hand and shook it, thankful for his habit of wearing gloves. "How would you like to join me for dinner tonight at the Falcon Club?" Thorne asked.

"I'm flattered, but I do have work I need to take care of," Edward answered.

Thorne shook his head. "Busy man. I like that. Well, don't let me keep you from it. Just come back tomorrow at Three. Depending on what you find out," Thorne smirked as he spoke. "I may decide to offer you a more permanent position in my organization."

I'd sooner have myself committed to Arkham Asylum than have anything to do with you and your organization, Edward thought. He smiled all the same. "I'll consider it. Thank you very much, Mr. Thorne." Edward withdrew his hand and tipped his hat to the man. "Until tomorrow." He turned and walked out the door and down the hall.

It took all that he had to avoid giggling as he made his way to the elevator. He had him. The fat fool actually wanted him to join his organization! Just one more slip, and he'd have Thorne dead to rights. He'd finally bring him down once and for all. When he told Batman tonight, the vigilante would want to kiss him. Well, at least Edward hoped so. He'd be pleased with him regardless. He passed a group of men in the hall walking towards Thorne's office but was too focused on thoughts both vengeful and romantic to pay them much mind.

By that time tomorrow, he would regret not looking at one of the men more closely, for the man had noticed him. Noticed and recognized him.

"Hey, Rupe? A couple of the boys found someone they think you should see."

Thorne sat back down at his desk, reading through the paperwork Nigma had left him. The private detective had exceeded all expectations so far, which left him in a good mood. "Alright. Send them in, Candace."

His office door opened and two of his enforcers came in, half escorting, half dragging a third man between them. Thorne looked up. The man in the middle paled when he met his gaze. He was a tall, well-built man. He looked vaguely familiar. "And you are?"

"This is Tom Dougherty boss," one of his enforcers said. "He used to be one of your guys in GCPD."

Tom Dougherty. Now Thorne remembered. "Ah, Officer Dougherty," he said. "I remember you." He scowled. "I remember you stole from me! Then you ran away for five years!"

Dougherty trembled and might have collapsed if the two men on either side of him didn't have such a firm grip on his shoulders. "Mr. Thorne, I'm sorry, I-"

Thorne banged his fist on the table. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have you fed to the sharks!"

"No, boss!" Dougherty squealed. "I can explain-"

"We're a bit past explanations," Thorne growled. He gestured to his enforcers. "Take him to the docks-"

"No, wait!" Dougherty interrupted, with a desperate look on his face. "That guy who just left your office! The guy in the green suit! He's a cop!"

Thorne paused. "Mr. Nigma? Is that who you're talking about? There's a slight difference between a private detective and a cop, Dougherty. You ought to know that!"

"No, he really is a cop! His name's Nashton. Edward Nashton. I knew him in GCPD. Five years ago, he was a detective in Cybercrime's division!"

A detective? Was Nigma, or Nashton, or whoever he was, really attempting to take him for a ride? Was he really that arrogant, or was Dougherty that desperate? "Used to be? What happened?"

Dougherty had calmed down now, recounting the tale. "I used to date his dumb bitch friend in GCPD. I dumped her, she went crying to him that I beat her and he framed me! He's the reason I had to run, boss!"

Now Thorne knew Dougherty was lying. "He framed you for theft, did he? I suppose he magically made a couple thousand I was supposed to collect disappear, Dougherty? How stupid do you think I am? If he was a detective, why isn't he still in GCPD? Was he dirty?" Thorne could work with a dirty cop. It would explain quite a bit about Nigma, actually.

"No, he wasn't dirty! He hated mobsters! I'm telling you, he's playing you, boss! I can prove he used to be in GCPD!"

Thorne leaned back in his leather chair and considered this. Dougherty was lying about the money, that was obvious. He'd say anything to save his own skin. But if there was the slightest chance Nigma used to be in GCPD, Thorne needed to take care of that. Finally, he snapped his fingers and his enforcers stepped forward. "Walk Officer Dougherty through our GCPD files and see if he can spot Mr. Nigma. You have two hours." The enforcers nodded, then took Dougherty to a side room. Candace walked forward, shaking her head.

"What do you think, Rupe? Is he telling the truth about Nigma?"

"Oh, I'm certain he's lying about many things, but we need to be absolutely sure. It's not Nigma being a former cop that bothers me. Half the guys on my payroll are or used to be cops. It's the fact that if he was one, he's concealing it. He changed his name even. Why?"

Candace shrugged. "If he was as clean as Dougherty says he was, why would he be a private detective? Those guys are sleazy. He probably got turned down for a raise or a promotion and quit. I wouldn't worry too much about it."

Thorne rubbed his chin. "A man can change a lot in five years," he murmured. "But just to be sure...Candace, follow him back to his office and keep an eye on him. Make sure he hasn't been making any visits to GCPD."

[littledonkeyburrito]

So Unclean

1. Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Both!

2. How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I don’t think any of them would count as “significant”

3. I have to ask: What does the last message you received say? “I saw the corpse touching party photo again”

4. How about the last message you sent? *laughing face emoji*

5. Have you shared any kisses today? No.

6. Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? Soft. Can I just say that “crusty” is like the worst possible adjective you could have used.

7. Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? Yeah because I’ll probably be in Australia and working and stuff

8. What is in your wallet? My licence, bank card, health insurance card, metro ticket and I think about 30 euro 

9. Have you ever been in a fist fight? 11 years of martial arts will do that to you

10. When was the last time you went to the doctor? Back when I got my yellow fever shot in august

11. Are you going out of town anytime soon? I'm going back to australia in 2 weeks. There was talk of a family friend maybe paying for me to visit her in london next week but idk what’s happening with that.

12. Do you hate your ex? There is one I dislike, the rest are fine.

13. When are you going to get a haircut? When I’m back in Australia

14. Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes

15. When was the last time you applied chapstick? A couple of hours ago. Need to put more on though. Winter is a bitch for cracked lips. I swear I have to drink like 10 litres of water to stop them drying out

16. Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Neither, but if I have to choose, then tea.

17. When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? Does a voice call on google hangout count? If yes, then today with Maggie and Patrick while we played The Elder Scrolls

18. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? God, I’ll just list the letters in alphabetical I guess: A, B, C, D, E, I, J, M, N, R, Z Most of those letters are multiple people though. Surprisingly there are two Z’s and neither of them are a name you expect.

19. What did you and your ex fight about most? I have never had anything last long enough for fights.

20. Don’t you love long hugs? Generally, no. But if they’re from certain people, yes.

21. And long kisses? Sure, why not

22. Have you ever purchased condoms? Yes

23. Do you have a dirty mind? My mind is So Unclean.

24. Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? Nah I never get post here so I only check like once a week.

25. Did you think braces were cool when you were little? I don’t recall ever having an opinion

26. Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I can’t be bothered waiting for itunes to open but I can tell you that I currently have “La Raza Es La Pura Raza” by Molotov currently playing youtube.

27. What is the last song you added to your iTunes library? That would have been an album by Alvaro Soler. But I’m going to put a bunch of new songs on there soon before my flight back to aus

28. Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? Not really. I have no shame.

29. When was the last time you were sick? No idea but I’ll probably get a cold from the 26 hours of flying I’ll be doing soon.

30. Who was your Valentine this year? Nobody

31. When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? September

32. And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? October

33. Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? No

34. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Dark chocolate with almonds

35. Do you like to swim? I used to hate it because long hair took forever to dry. Now I don’t mind but I don’t actively try to go swimming often.

36. How many vacations have you been on in the past year? Oh My God so many this year has been awesome. And since I’ve been living in spain the whole time I guess it’s basically been a year long vacation.

37. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No

38. Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? No but I might anyway because I barely slept last night and I’m going to bed after I finish this quiz.

39. When you put an album into your iTunes, do you delete all of the songs that you dislike, or do you prefer to keep the complete album in your library, and why? I keep the whole album. But I have playlists of my favourite songs.

40. How often do you get confused about someone’s tone through the internet or texting? (For example, taking something serious that was intended to be taken sarcastically?) Not often. My friends and I get each other pretty well and if we can’t understand the tone we just ask.

41. What was your most awkward sexual experience? (If you don’t have one/are too embarrassed to share, what is the funniest sex story you’ve heard?) I don’t think I really have any funny or awkward stories. The most amusing one for me was fooling around in the back of his car and ducking every time another car drove past and him saying that if anyone looked in they’d only see me because I’m so pasty I pretty much glow in the dark.

42. Have you ever called in and won a radio contest, and, if so, what was it, and what’d you win? No but this reminds me that when I was a kid I won an easter colouring competition and my prize was a 3kg chocolate bunny which my dad smashed up with a hammer and put all the pieces in a cooler and then most of it was eaten by him and my brother. Although in fairness to my brother he did trade me a stuffed monkey toy for half the chocolate.

43. If you’ve used pads, do you prefer them with or without wings and why? What kind of sadistic fuck uses pads without wings? Fun fact: pads are the reason I know the spanish word for “wing”

44. Who was the last person you had actual sex with in a dream? I think I had a sex dream about my ex recently

45. If you went to a bookstore, what section would you most likely end up at? The exit, tbh. I’m not a big reader.

46. What is in your left pocket? There is nothing in any of my pockets

45. How much alcohol did you have this weekend? I think I had 2 beers on Friday night

46. Do you eat gas station food? Pies.

47. What color underwear do you have on? White and blue speckled

48. Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand, unless I’m particularly tired or I’m feeling sick. Sitting under the shower is a really effective method of stopping nausea for me.

49. Where were you born? UK

50. Where do you work? Or go to school? Or are you a bum? Currently a total bum but soon will be back working in security

51. What do you want to be when you grow up? Who the fuck even knows. I’m open to suggestions if you wanna throw some at me

52. When did you join Facebook? Why? 2008 because all my friends had facebook. I think I got myspace then too.

53. Do you like to cuddle? Only with sexual partners.

54. Do you believe that the last person that you kissed cares for you? Don’t know. Maybe a little?

55. How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? Lately, so fucking long. Like, 4 hours.

56. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Morning because I’m a sweaty sleeper.

57. Is there a night you would like to repeat and allow it to live on forever? Yeah, there is one night that comes to mind

58. Name a person whose name starts with the letter M. Me, Maddie

59. Do you eat ranch with your pizza? I am but a simple australian and I’m not even entirely sure what ranch dressing is

60. Is there a place that you wish you could visit? So many

61. Do you believe that this weekend will be a good one for you? Depends if I do actually end up going to London

62. Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? I hope so. People’s jealousy of my travel kinda fuels me tbh

63. Have you told anyone that you missed them lately? Yeah I told my mama I miss her

64. Why will/won’t you and your ex get back together? We probably will when I’m back in australia. We’ve already agreed to catch up once I’m back.

65. Have you ever kissed anyone while driving? No, that sounds dangerous

66. Think of the last person you kissed. Have you ever kissed them on a bed or a couch? Yes and no I don’t think we ever kissed on a couch. It was mostly in hotel rooms so I don’t think there were any couches

67. Is your best friend single? Yeah

68. What are you going to be doing later? Sleeping hopefully. I’m so tired

69. The last kind of lotion you used, what does it smell like? Probably like lotion with argon oil. Y’know because that’s what it was.

70. Have you hung out with any guys recently? I have not physically hung out with anyone for a long time. 

71. Can you go a whole day without drinking any pop or eating any sweets? Yeah, that’s not uncommon. I’ve kinda surprised myself by how unintentionally healthy my diet has gotten this past year. Like, I eat a ton of vegetables every day and drink mostly water, milk and orange juice. And I started eating eggs for some protein too.

72. Who’s the weirdest teacher at your school? There was a teacher at my highschool called (I think) Mr. Moore. He was always powerwalking and/or spilling his coffee. He was just.. hell I don’t even know how to describe him but I guess he was like a human version of a hyperactive vibration. I’m sure that makes absolutely no sense but that’s all I think to say

73. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? 5 or 6

74. Who do you talk to first when you’re upset? Mum or Maggie

75. Do you have nightmares often? Not proper nightmares but my dreams are often quite anxious

76. Do you think you could be with someone for over four years? No idea.

77. Were you happy when you woke up today? No, I just wanted to go back to sleep. I only got like 3 or 4 hours sleep.

78. What are you thinking about right now? Which surburbs in Brisbane I should look for apartments in

79. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, or sweats? Jeans

80. Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yes. I wouldn’t marry someone if I hadn’t lived with them for a while first

81. When is the last time you really laughed? When I read that story about communion with the life size bread jesus earlier

82. Have you ever skipped school because you were tired? Not school but I skipped uni lectures a lot

83. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

84. Your most recent ex needs you at 3 AM, do you go? Depends what he needs me for, but probably 85. Would you rather kiss someone 5 years older or 5 year younger? 5 years older. Five younger is like 18 and hell nah I’m not going to kiss an 18yo kid.

86. Do you like your parents? Yeah they're pretty awesome as far as parents go. My Ma especially is just a fucking awesome lady, I know it sounds cliche but she is genuinely one of my best friends.

87. Do you make smart decisions? Usually but I have been known to fuck it up every now and then, usually with money stuff.

88. Would you consider yourself tall? No. I can’t use the top 2 shelves of my fridge.

89. Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? why would I lie?

90. Have you ever lived in a house with a basement? I don’t think so

91. What woke you up this morning? My alarm

92. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 3 or 4

93. Anybody tell you they miss you lately? When I told Ma I miss her she said she misses me too

94. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? Yeah

95. What were you doing at 4am this morning? I’ll tell what I wasn’t fucking doing was sleeping even though I’d already been in bed for 3 hours.

96. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Well he’s in Costa Rica so the physical distance would make it a little more difficult.

97. What time is it right now? 10:23pm

98. Have you ever been led on? I wouldn’t even notice, I am so oblivious to that stuff

99. Do you know a secret about your ex and if he/she pisses you off, will you tell? No

100. Are you excited about anything today? I’m getting kinda pumped to start looking at apartments back in Brisbane. I really like looking at rental apartments. That’s why I always offer to help my friends find a place.

101. Do people ever call you by your last name? Actually yeah there’s one guy at work that calls me by my last name but he’s gonna get confused once I’m back because my brother works there too now.

102. Have you ever gone camping? I used to spend a couple of nights with my aunt and uncle every year when they went camping over the christmas break

103. Would you sleep with the last person who Facebook messaged you? Probs not

104. When’s the next time you will consume alcohol? Whenever I buy beer next, probably within the next week

[tardisgirlepic]

Ch. 3: “World Enough and Time” Analysis Doctor Who S10.11: Doctor’s OMG Hair, Meet Delilah’s Mr. Razor & More

<- Read previous chapter

Samson & Delilah: Doctor’s OMG Hair, Meet Mr. Razor

OMG, I could not believe how long the Doctor’s hair had gotten at the beginning of “World Enough and Time.”  From now on, to distinguish Doctors, I’ll refer to the Doctor’s hair that we saw at the beginning of the episode as “OMG hair.” 

In fact, it was even funnier that I had mentioned it in the previous analysis with my sudden revelation about Samson & Delilah, where River was Delilah. 

Yes, DW is playing out this Old Testament story.

Due to time, I didn’t get to talk about the entire Samson & Delilah story and how it fits in. But I’ll show you in a few minutes how this fits together with River.

Funny: “A Thing Happened…”

First, though, a funny thing happened while watching the episode.  I was so intent on getting subtext and trying to pick up dialogue that I wasn’t looking for John Simm.  I’m not sure I would have recognized him under the makeup anyway. However…

Once he said

RAZOR: People, people, people, people, people!  People, they are people.

I knew he was John Simm because only his Master has spoken this way before.

However, here’s the funny part: I didn’t catch his name on the first viewing.  Once I watched with subtitles, I had another OMG moment when I realized his name was Mister Razor!

Wow!  Ha..ha! 

Mr. Razor & Delilah Will Give Samson a Haircut

There’s some additional information about the story of Samson & Delilah that’s quite important, so I’m going to weave it together here from different sources, including the razor part I mentioned from the previous analysis:

Wikipedia says

Samson had been dedicated as a Nazirite, "from the womb to the day of his death"; thus he was forbidden to touch wine or cut his hair.

While the 11th Doctor did abstain from alcohol, he had a shaved head in his last episode “The Time of the Doctor” and was wearing a wig for most of the time.  Now, I see that the Samson and Delilah story was playing out then with Clara metaphorically asking God to restore Samson’s powers to defeat the Philistines.

The 12th Doctor drinks alcohol.

According to BibleStudyTools.com:

The summary from Scripture starts with Samson's birth was announced by an angel during a dark time for the Israelites. Israel was under the rule and oppression of the Philistines. Samson was born a Nazirite and was set apart with supernatural strength from God to do His work in the nation of Israel. Samson became great in his own eyes and began to pursue women outside of God's plan for his life. During his wedding sermon to a Philistine women, Samson was so humiliated by her and the wedding guests that he sought revenge by killing 1,000 Philistine men.

We’ve certainly seen the Doctor’s pride and ego take over, at times.

Anyway, regarding Samson, Wikipedia says

He then falls in love with Delilah in the valley of Sorek.  The Philistines approach Delilah and induce her with 1,100 silver coins to find the secret of Samson's strength so they can get rid of it and capture their enemy.

We saw this money scene playing out with River in THORS.  However, as we also saw how not everything was as it looked.  We saw the Roman cross behind the money ball with access to all the banks, as River is really trying to save the Doctor from this alternate universe.

Delilah keeps trying to figure out the source of his strength, and Samson keeps telling her different sources, which she tries to exploit.  But they are all lies. 

This is mirrored with River. She said the Doctor’s name in “The Name of the Doctor,” which would have led to his torturous death, except Clara saved him.  River knows this alternate universe has to die. 

Eventually after much nagging from Delilah, Samson tells Delilah that he will lose his strength with the loss of his hair.  God supplies Samson's power because of his consecration to God as a Nazirite, symbolized by the fact that a razor has never touched his head. Delilah calls for a servant to shave Samson's seven locks, then woos him to sleep "in her lap" (either literally or figuratively). With this, Samson has finally broken the last tenet of the Nazirite oath; God leaves him, and Samson is captured by the Philistines, who blind him by gouging out his eyes. After being blinded, Samson is brought to Gaza, imprisoned, and put to work grinding grain by turning a large millstone.

Here’s where the Doctor is blinded by eyes being gouged out, like we heard and saw in multiple ways with other characters and references in “The Empress of Mars” analysis.

Ohila, in “Hell Bent,” told the Doctor that he had broken every code he ever lived by, and we see his fall in one way, kind of sort of, in that episode.  We’ll see it from a different angle in this last upcoming episode of the season.  So Missy may be playing Delilah, or will it be River or Clara?  Or is there something else?

I’ve often wondered about Missy’s 3W Institute in the finale of Season 8 where we see Danny Pink die. While the episode suggest 3W stood for “I love you,” I also saw it potentially as being Missy, River, and Clara, where 3W stands for “3 Women.”  Vastra and Amy fit in here, too, but that is beyond this right now. 

Anyway to finish Samson’s story, according to BibleStudyTools.com:

The Philistines brought Samson out before a great crowd of rulers and thousands of people gathered in the temple to celebrate his capture. Samson's hair had begun to grow back and as he leaned against the pillars of the temple, he prayed to God for strength once more to defeat the Philistines. Samson used all of his might and pushed down the temple, killing himself and thousands of Philistines and rulers.

God forgave Samson and still accomplished great things through Samson. It was through Samson's destruction of the temple and his death that the Israelites were freed from Philistine rule.

So Mr. Razor is the metaphorical symbol of the razor in this Old Testament story. 

And this is foreshadowing the rescue and the Doctor’s fall and death.  This is just more evidence of what we’ve examined over and over.  While he’s not supposed to fall in love, as we examined before, it is necessary for the rescue.

Wow, how cool is that!?

Anyway, there’s a lot more to this.  It’s a truly epic love story that spans all of DW, but I’ll save this for later…

Operation Exodus & Genesis of the Cybermen

Wow, I’ve been geeking out, since the airing of the episode, about all the cool things that are coming together! 

Operation Exodus explains why we saw all those robots in Season 8, including the half-faced man in “Deep Breath” wanting to go to the Promised Land – Heaven.  However, that’s the wrong Book. We’re not in the 2nd Book of the Old Testament right now.  Before that, we have the Fall of Man and the Doctor.

We’re back in the 1st Book: Genesis.

As we’ve examined in various chapters, we are, indeed, going back in time and telling the backstory of the Doctor.

This is the epicenter of the Time War.

Don’t Make the Doctor Angry: “The Unicorn and the Wasp” & 1056

We keep seeing Floor 1056 come up in “World Enough and Time.”  But what does it mean?  It has a connection to “The Unicorn and the Wasp” and is from The Devastator series of Doctor Who: Battles in Time trading cards, meaning the Vespiform sting.

I’ve been wanting to talk about “The Unicorn and the Wasp” since the very 1st episode of Season 10 aired.  However, I ran out of time to put it in “The Pilot�� analysis.  I would have put it in “Knock Knock,” but I ran out of time there, too.  Anyway, this is the 10th Doctor story with Agatha Christie in 1926 (yet another 1926 reference) where a murder takes place after the Doctor and Donna crash a garden party.  The odd thing is that later we see a giant wasp that turns out to be the murderer.

The Hybrid

Well, it’s not quite that simple because it turns human, and the Doctor can’t figure out whodunit right away.  The wasp is actually a hybrid, who doesn’t realize he is a hybrid for 40 years of his life because he grew up in an orphanage.  Normally, he lives the quiet life as Reverend Arnold Golightly, the vicar of a small English village until his death in 1926.  He is the son of a human mother and Vespiform father. Vespiforms are an ancient and wise insectoid species. 

In 1926, some time after his 40th birthday, his church had a break in.  His temper flared when he caught the bandits in the act, discovering he had the ability to change from a humanoid appearance into a wasp-like alien. 

The thieves are associated with a Greek Cross, meaning they represent Doctors.  From all the subtext story, this suggests to me that the Doctors intentionally are driving the Doctor over the edge, so he has something to fight for.  We saw that with Missy using Clara to push him over the edge and go hell bent through the universe.

As far as insects go, Clara has called the 12th Doctor a stick insect.  Of course, there’s the insectoid shadow that we looked at prior to the airing of TRODM.

The Unicorn

The Unicorn refers to Scotland.  In fact, according to Wikipedia, “The Lion and the Unicorn are symbols of the United Kingdom. They are, properly speaking, heraldic supporters appearing in the full royal coat of arms of the United Kingdom. The lion stands for England and the unicorn for Scotland.”

Why the Wasp? & What’s “Knock Knock” Got to Do with It?

In 1991, Peter Capaldi appeared on the TV series Agatha Christie’s Poirot with David Suchet who played Poirot.  Suchet also played the landlord in “Knock Knock.”  These appearances by both actors are important.

Capaldi played Claude Langton, who was being set up for murder by someone who wanted to commit suicide in the episode “Wasp’s Nest.”  Therefore, having David Suchet in “Knock Knock” was a strategic move to bring in a bunch of subtext.

The Patriarchal Cross

The connection to “The Pilot” comes in with the Patriarchal cross, which I haven’t talked about before since I have yet to post my Religious metaphors chapter.  Due to lack of time, I’m going to skip the images. However, there are crosses on the university building that match the cross the reverend’s mother is associated with. Bill actually is associated with the Patriarchial cross.  By the metaphors, that would make Bill the parent of the reverend, the Doctor.  But there’s more pointing to this…

In “The Lie of the Land” analysis, we looked at the woman with the son at the beginning, who was taken away with the shoebox.  The subtext showed she was a mirror of Bill.  And the boy had a rabbit, a symbol of redemption.

Also, interestingly, Mr. Razor says

RAZOR: You are dear to me. You are my dearest person. You are like BILL: I know. RAZOR: A mother to me. BILL: Definitely not a mother. RAZOR: Or an aunt.

Mr. Razor is playing the 24th Doctor. 

I have no doubt that Bill and the Doctor are related.  She is playing, among other things, various Doctor’s faces.  And she is the namesake of the 1st Doctor, William Hartnell, while Heather is the name of Hartnell’s wife.

Episode Title References: a Poem, a Book, the Apocalypse & Rescue

The title “World Enough and Time” is a brilliant reference, and obviously DW has had this reference in mind for a long time.  The title references multiple things, but it initially alludes to a line from the 17th-century poem, "To His Coy Mistress," written by English author and politician Andrew Marvell.  The bolded words are ones that I want to give more information about.

To His Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough and time,

This coyness, lady, were no crime.

We would sit down, and think which way

To walk, and pass our long love’s day.

Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side

Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide

Of Humber would complain. I would

Love you ten years before the flood,

And you should, if you please, refuse

Till the conversion of the Jews.

My vegetable love should grow

Vaster than empires and more slow;

An hundred years should go to praise

Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;

Two hundred to adore each breast,

But thirty thousand to the rest;

An age at least to every part,

And the last age should show your heart.

For, lady, you deserve this state,

Nor would I love at lower rate.

       But at my back I always hear

Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near;

And yonder all before us lie

Deserts of vast eternity.

Thy beauty shall no more be found;

Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound

My echoing song; then worms shall try

That long-preserved virginity,

And your quaint honour turn to dust,

And into ashes all my lust;

The grave’s a fine and private place,

But none, I think, do there embrace.

       Now therefore, while the youthful hue

Sits on thy skin like morning dew,

And while thy willing soul transpires

At every pore with instant fires,

Now let us sport us while we may,

And now, like amorous birds of prey,

Rather at once our time devour

Than languish in his slow-chapped power.

Let us roll all our strength and all

Our sweetness up into one ball,

And tear our pleasures with rough strife

Through the iron gates of life:

Thus, though we cannot make our sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.

So world enough and time is about the poet wishing he had more time with the coy lady.  There are 4 other references that I highlighted worth mentioning here.  We’ve seen lots of birds of prey lately.  There’s the mention of the sun: the Doctor running with his companions to avoid the sunset and the passage of time. 

Wow, how interesting the poet uses “My vegetable love”!  That’s interesting when compared to the normal “animal love.”  This most likely refers to a couple of things in DW. First, since we are talking about the Garden of Eden, garden goes along with vegetables.  In fact, the Doctor mentions “garden”:

DOCTOR: Short version. Because of the black hole, time is moving faster at this end of the ship than the other. It's all about gravity. Gravity slows down time. The closer you are to the source of gravity, the slower time will move. (Jorj looks blank) If you're standing in your garden, your head is travelling faster through time than your feet. Don't they teach you this stuff at space school?

However, vegetable love may also come back to something we looked at with the “Heaven Sent” analysis in Chapter 17 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who the 4th Doctor story “The Seeds of Doom,” where 2 alien pods land on Earth.  One opens and creates a jungle-like environment.  They can possess animals and take revenge on animals eating them. Plants and trees have an important place in the story.  The basic plot is playing out in this finale.  Just substitute people for plants.

The other reference in the poem is much bigger – “before the flood” – and alludes to multiple things.

Genesis & Noah, “Before the Flood,” & a Rainbow

With all the talk of the Book of Genesis, the line with “before the flood” takes on new meaning in DW. It’s a flood on a grand scale – an apocalyptic event, a Ragnarök of sorts.  Of course, it refers to the story of Noah’s Ark, where God instructs Noah (a righteous individual) to build an ark to spare him and his family, along with some animals from the flood that will destroy the world before its rebirth.

The poem’s line also alludes to the Season 9 episode “Before the Flood,” where we see the Fisher King creating ghosts.  So this flood is meant to destroy the source of the ghosts, the Fisher King, who actually puts his arms out and makes himself into a cross before he dies. He’s being crucified.  The Fisher King, as we’ve examined, is supposed to be a good character from Arthurian Legend.

Because the flood was so devastating and people would fear rain, God made a promise to Noah and all Earth that he would never send another flood to destroy all life again.  The visible sign he sent was a rainbow.

We saw a rainbow at the end of “The Eaters of Light,” just before everyone got in the TARDIS.  While the episode was mostly about another view of “Face the Ravens,” it showed the outline for this week’s “World Enough and Time” (with people united together, pawns in the Chess game), and the rainbow to show the results of “Hell Bent” and the upcoming final episode.

The Flood & “The Unicorn and the Wasp”

The flood and waters relate to “The Unicorn and the Wasp,” too.  Golightly’s mother Clemency told the story of how she had had an affair. When she came back to England, she locked herself away, saying she had malaria, to hide the pregnancy, even from her husband.

CLEMENCY: It was forty years ago, in the heat of Delhi, late one night. I was alone, and that's when I saw it. A dazzling light in the sky. The next day, he came to the house. Christopher, the most handsome man I'd ever seen. Our love blazed like a wildfire. I held nothing back. And in return he showed me the incredible truth about himself. He'd made himself human, to learn about us. This was his true shape. (A giant wasp.) CLEMENCY: I loved him so much, it didn't matter. But he was stolen from me. 1885, the year of the great monsoon. The river Jumna rose up and broke its banks. He was Taken At The Flood. But Christopher left me a parting gift. A jewel like no other. I wore it always. Part of me never forgot. I kept it close, always.

ROBINA: Just like a man. Flashes his family jewels and you end up with a bun in the oven. AGATHA: A poor little child. Forty years ago, Miss Chandrakala took that newborn babe to an orphanage. But Professor Peach worked it out. He found the birth certificate.

There is a geographical connection with the poem, as both have aspects set in India: Delhi and the Ganges, respectively.  The poem, therefore, is meant to relate to Clemency and Christopher, the hybrid’s parents. Since we have multiple faces of the Doctor, who is whom?

Also, Golightly’s father died in a great monsoon, and the son, himself, drowned.  The 2 characters who have drowned or nearly so, are Rory in “The Curse of the Black Spot” and the 12th Doctor in “Heaven Sent.”

The Poet & the Daughter

There’s even more to glean from this title reference.  The poet and his tutoring give us some very important subtext, too.  According to Wikipedia:

"To His Coy Mistress" is a metaphysical poem written by the English author and politician Andrew Marvell (1621–1678) either during or just before the English Interregnum (1649–60). It was published posthumously in 1681.

This poem is considered one of Marvell's finest and is possibly the best recognized carpe diem poem in English. Although the date of its composition is not known, it may have been written in the early 1650s. At that time, Marvell was serving as a tutor to the daughter of the retired commander of the New Model Army, Sir Thomas Fairfax.

Sir Thomas Fairfax Gives Us Information about the Rescue & Apocalypse

The Doctor is mirroring Marvell, who is tutoring Sir Thomas Fairfax’s daughter, played by Bill.  According to Wikipedia, Sir Thomas Fairfax’s nicknames are “Black Tom” and “Rider of the White Horse.”

We’ve examined the Rider and the White Horse in connection with the New Testament Apocalypse in “The Lie of the Land” analysis.  The White Horse symbolizes Conquest and there is a debate by some on whether the Rider is Christ or the Antichrist.  DW is playing both sides of the war, which comes back to what we’ve examined in multiple ways: the Horse and Rider, along with the name Lucifer, CAL’s world and “Turn Left.”

In one universe, the Doctor is seen as the savior of the universe.  However, in the other universe, he would be the Antichrist, the Destroyer of Worlds.  According to Wikipedia,

Thomas Fairfax, 3rd Lord Fairfax of Cameron (17 January 1612 – 12 November 1671), also known as Sir Thomas, Lord Fairfax, was an English nobleman, peer, politician, general, and Parliamentary commander-in-chief during the English Civil War. An adept and talented commander, Fairfax led Parliament to many victories, notably the crucial Battle of Naseby, becoming effectively military ruler of the new republic, but was eventually overshadowed by his subordinate Oliver Cromwell, who was more politically adept and radical in action against Charles I. Fairfax became unhappy with Cromwell's policy and publicly refused to take part in Charles's show trial. Eventually he resigned, leaving Cromwell to control the republic. Because of this, and also his honourable battlefield conduct and his active role in the Restoration of the monarchy after Cromwell's death, he was exempted from the retribution exacted on many other leaders of the revolution. His dark hair and eyes and a swarthy complexion earned him the nickname "Black Tom".

In the DW world, it sounds like Bill’s father (the Rider of the White Horse) is trying to rescue her. With the gender change, it could be her mother.  Since Bill is a face of the Doctor, the Doctor’s Mother metaphor would apply to her. The Doctor, himself, has to be rescued, too.

This all foreshadows redemption and rightful restoration after the DW revolution.

Robert Oppenheimer & the Righteous War in the Bhagavad-Gita

I can’t get this relevant quote out of my head, so I’m adding it:

“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds” – Robert Oppenheimer

Oppenheimer, according to Wikipedia, was an

American theoretical physicist and professor of physics at the University of California, Berkeley. Oppenheimer was the wartime head of the Los Alamos Laboratory and is among those who are credited with being the "father of the atomic bomb" for their role in the Manhattan Project, the World War II undertaking that developed the first nuclear weapons used in the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

…

Oppenheimer later recalled that, while witnessing the explosion, he thought of a verse from the Bhagavad Gita [shown above]

The Bhagavad-Gita is Hindu scripture in Sanskrit, which Oppenheimer could read.  It is often just referred to as Gita. This is very appropriate to the Doctor and what is happening.

The Gita is set in a narrative framework of a dialogue between Pandava prince Arjuna and his guide and charioteer Lord Krishna. Facing the duty as a warrior to fight the Dharma Yudhha or righteous war between Pandavas and Kauravas, Arjuna is counselled by Lord Krishna to "fulfill his Kshatriya (warrior) duty as a warrior and establish Dharma." Inserted in this appeal to kshatriya dharma (chivalry) is "a dialogue ... between diverging attitudes concerning methods toward the attainment of liberation (moksha)".

This passage reminds me of the Ice Warriors and the Doctor in “The Empress of Mars,” pledging their duty as warriors.

Science & World Enough And Space-Time

Being that we are talking about Black Holes, space-time science is important.  DW is using real science on the spaceship, when talking about time dilation.  Time would be slower closer to the Black Hole due to the immense gravity.  However, I do question the almost negligible space distance of 400 miles against the force of gravity of a Black Hole.  I’m no expert and I’ll leave it at that.

Having said that, this is all metaphorical, and we know we are in the alternate universe, so it doesn’t matter.  There’s plenty of other stuff that tells us other things aren’t right.  The 400 miles, refers to the Library, once again.

I actually do see this spaceship-Black Hole relationship in the episode as brilliant.  I’ll show you why in a bit.

Anyway, the title of the episode relates to a 1989 book by the American physicist John Earman called World Enough And Space-Time: Absolute vs. Relational Theories of Space and Time.

Goodread’s description says

Earman introduces and clarifies the historical and philosophical development of the clash between Newton's absolute conception of space and Leibniz's relative one.

It leads into Einstein’s theories on relativity. 

BTW, I do love the title World Enough And Space-Time in relation to DW.  It’s so appropriate.

Black Holes & the Eye of Harmony

Since we are touching on science and relativity, it seems appropriate to examine the Black Hole metaphor here, which includes the Eye of Harmony.   The existence of the Black Hole metaphor in “World Enough and Time” is a reference to “The Impossible Planet” and “The Satan Pit,” so we know, from our previous examinations, that slavery and the Beast are involved. These last 3 Season 10 episodes have been about facing one’s beast.

The Doctor, Nardole, Missy, and Jorj are looking up at the Black Hole, which really is the Eye of Harmony. And it’s a djinni with an octagon. From “The Impossible Planet,” we learned that people could go mad by looking at it.

We need to revisit the definition of the Eye from the Wikia because it tells us what can happen.  According to the TARDIS Wikia, regarding the Eye of Harmony in the TARDIS Cloister Room in the Doctor Who movie in 1996:

It was a stone structure shaped like a hemisphere which appeared to open outwards like an eyelid. While inside the Cloister Room of the TARDIS, the Master described the Eye as "the heart of this structure". The Doctor said it was "[t]he power source of the heart of the TARDIS." Both the Doctor and the Master claimed to Chang Lee that it belonged to the Doctor; the Doctor referring to it as "my Eye" and the Master saying that "now it belongs to him". The Eye responded to a physical linking device. The particular structure of a human eye had the effect of opening it.

Opening the Eye allowed the Master and Lee to see a visual projection of the Doctor's past and present forms and let them see what the Doctor saw so that they could find him. It also assisted in returning the amnesiac Doctor's memories. The Doctor claimed that if he looked into the Eye, his "soul" would be destroyed, and the Master would be able to take over his body. Leaving the TARDIS' Eye open for too long would result in space-time distortion, and any nearby planets would be "sucked through it".

Here’s where I find this situation with the Black Hole and the spaceship brilliant.  From the movie, opening the Eye allowed the Master to see a visual projection of the Doctor’s past and present forms.  This is exactly what is happening due to time dilation. On his TV, the Master has found the Doctor and is viewing him and others in their past and present forms at the same time, due to time dilation near the Black Hole in the Eye of Harmony.  This is such a brilliant way to do this!  It’s so elegant.

The Eye of the Black Hole is most likely the Doctor’s, as the movie suggests.  That means the Master can take over the Doctor.  There are multiple Doctors, so things aren’t the way they may seem.  The Doctor has been taken over, but I’ll talk about that in another chapter.

Is the Doctor in the Opening an Imposter?

The Doctor in the opening appears different than we’ve ever seen him.  OMG hair and fierce look.  He also does something strange.

The Tardis materialises in a snowstorm. The Doctor steps out, falls to his knees and starts to regenerate. He cries out in pain.) DOCTOR: No. No. Nooooo!

The Doctor not wanting to go is a big red flag to me, especially for a Doctor who has been suicidal. I could possibly see that this is really him if he were in the middle of saving someone.

However, this is very much a Master thing to do.  We know the Doctor has been usurped, so chances are that this is not the real Doctor.

BTW, the Doctor is wearing his raggedy 11th Doctor-type jacket again.

In the Next Chapters

We’ll take a look at how “World Enough and Time” is applying concepts set up in “Heaven Sent,” along with “Face the Raven.”  Also, we’ll look at the meaning of “Doctor Who” as the Doctor’s title, how.  We’ll also look at the Master, some really creepy subtext in the Hospital metaphor, the meaning of solar farms, Mondas, and more.

Read next chapter ->

[kpopaganda]

Allied, Part 15

Group: GOT7

Member: Jackson

POV: 1st Person

Type: Angst/Fluff/Series/Other

Word Count: 2,874

Summary: The world is in turmoil. There are few functioning governments left and an incurable disease has wiped out most of the human population. It’s every man for himself until you find an ally who becomes more.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

We woke up early the next morning. Jaebum gave us our space after we confessed and he made sure to tell me ‘I told you so’. I spent the night sleeping curled up in Jackson’s arms and woke up the same way.

He seemed like he was still asleep when I opened my eyes. His breathing was even and his heartbeat steady, unlike mine when I stared up at him. The scruff on his face was now more visible than ever and his roots had grown out long. He could do with a haircut, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I could get lost for hours looking at his face and it was still hard to believe that he loved me.

My eyes ran along the length of his face, settling on his lips. Without any warning, he shifted forward with me still in his arms and pressed his lips against mine in a tender kiss. 

“I didn’t know you were awake,” I said as we pulled apart.

“I’ve been for a while,” he told me. “Do you like looking at me that much?”

“I do, but it ruins the magic when you speak.”

Jackson pulled back and gasped like I’d slapped him and the reaction sent me into a fit of giggles. It never ceased to amaze me how his face could simultaneously be the most beautiful and hilarious thing. He took offence to my laughter and intensified the giggles by tickling me.

“No, no,” I protested, aching from the laughter. “Jackson stop!”

He stopped and kissed me on the temple, suggesting that we get up before Jaebum feels like chastising us. Not that he would. Jaebum wasn’t even in the barn with us at that point. But we got up nonetheless and got dressed for the day. It didn’t escape my mind that we would still need to deal with the man in the pond. 

While Jackson got dressed, I stepped outside for the first time that day. The sun was still low in the sky, nestled behind trees and the rolling hills around us. The world was quiet, except for one very familiar sound. I turned to see Jaebum chopping wood just behind the blown apart house. He didn’t acknowledge me and something about his posture seemed tense. 

I approached him carefully. His eyes met mine for a second as I walked over, but he turned right back to his chopping. You couldn’t force anything with Jaebum. He kicked back with all his might if you tried to pry anything out of him, so instead of asking what was up I took a seat on a stack of wooden planks a few feet away from his chopping block.

I sat consumed by my own silence as I watched him work, the sound of the axe slicing through the wood and hitting the block filling the void. Eventually, he threw down the axe, breathing heavily from the exertion. My eyes followed him as he went to lean against probably the only wall of the house that was still standing. We looked at each other for what felt like minutes. I knew he would be the first to speak if I gave him the opportunity.

“You know we need to leave, right?” he asked me.

“No. Why?”

“That guy you killed,” he said. “We don’t know if he had friends. If he did, they will almost definitely come after us.”

“We don’t know that he did, though. We might be fine.”

“That’s not really a chance we should be taking.” He pushed himself off the wall. “I checked this morning. The guy is still in the pond. Frozen over. That tell’s me no one’s found him yet, but I still don’t think it’s safe to stick around. We need to leave today.”

I felt my heartbeat pick up. “But the barn is our home now.”

“Barely. It’s old and drafty.”

“It’s served us just fine so far. We could make it better.”

“Y/N, we can’t stay. Why are you fighting me on this?”

“Because I don’t want to leave,” I said, feeling like a petulant child. “I finally feel comfortable here.”

“Even after that lunatic tried to kill you yesterday?”

“Yeah,” I said, kicking my toe into the frozen dirt beneath me. “It feels like home.”

He stared beyond me, gnawing on his lip. “Home is where the heart is, Y/N. The barn is just a shell. You should feel at home as long as you have me and Jackson.”

He was right. The barn wasn’t our final destination. It was never supposed to be, but I couldn’t help but get tired of always uprooting myself. I’ve been on the move for so long that having a place to go to, to call home, started feeling like a little slice of heaven. But Jaebum was right. The barn only felt like home because I was sharing it with him and Jackson. Wherever they were would feel like home to me, or so I hoped.

So we packed everything of worth and left anything too heavy to carry in the barn. Jackson had a supply of syphoned gas that he loaded into the car with the rest of our valuables and Jaebum was busy taking care of our weapons, cleaning them, reloading them and making sure that we didn’t leave anything behind. I was taking care of the personal stuff like our clothes and our backpacks. I made sure that everything we needed to carry on us at all times was packed and ready. I also made sure to slip an emergency can of beans into each pack. You never knew when you’d need it.

I was just zipping up Jaebum’s backpack when he and Jackson both came traipsing in. Their noses were red from the cold outside, as were the tips of their ears that wouldn’t stay hidden under their caps. I still meant to fashion them bandanas out of old t-shirts to cover their faces from the cold, but I hadn’t gotten round to it. 

“I think we’re all done,” said Jackson. “How far are you?”

“Done,” I said in a singsong voice. I held out his pack to him and he pulled me up off the floor as he went to grab it.

“There’s one last thing I think we should do before we go,” said Jaebum and I felt Jackson tense next to me. 

I just looked at Jaebum questioningly.

“I think we should clear out the rest of the supplies from that house.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” muttered Jackson, but Jaebum was already explaining himself.

“That guy is dead. He doesn’t have any use for those supplies anymore. Jackson, you saw his store. We could live comfortable off the food in there for months. Months. This winter isn’t over yet. Not for a while.”

“Well, I don’t feel comfortable leaving Y/N here after what happened. Someone could come after her again.”

“Or I could just come with you,” I interjected.

Both men turned to look at me.

“We can’t leave a car fully loaded with valuables unattended for that long,” explained Jaebum.

“Then let’s hurry,” I said, already pulling my backpack over my shoulders. “We’ll clean the place out faster with three people.”

Jaebum looked at Jackson and shrugged. “She has a point.”

It took him a second to concede, but Jackson was outnumbered. Jaebum and I were ready to leave and he wasn’t going to stop us, so he could either stay and watch the car or he could join us. He wasn’t letting me out of his sight again, so he put on his backpack and followed us out of the barn.

We closed the doors behind us and even though we were coming back with the supplies we would salvage, it felt almost final. I let the guys lead the way at first, but the closer we got to the pond, Jackson fell in behind me so I was between him and Jaebum, effectively protecting me from both sides. I know they were just being careful, but it was making me anxious, so I walked alongside Jackson instead. He was going to slow down again, but then I grabbed his hand.

“I’m pretty sure we’ll be okay,” I told him, but he looked skeptical. 

“So much has gone wrong so far. You can’t blame me for being too careful.”

“Let’s not think about it then. Let’s think about... The future.”

That caught him off guard. “What?”

“Jackson, we need to think about where we’re going. What about Hong Kong? You haven’t talked about it in forever.”

“Because I’m not sure it’s even an option anymore.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Like Jaebum said, the whole world has gone too shit. It’s the same there. I have no way of knowing if my family is still alive, so there’s no point in going.”

“Don’t be like that. There’s always hope. We could at least try.”

“We?” He looked at me. 

“Yes, we. You, me and Jaebum,” I said before I caught myself. “Well, I mean, if he wants to. I can’t really speak for him,” I said as I glanced ahead of us where Jaebum was trekking through the brush.

Jackson smiled faintly but still turned away from me, not letting go of my hand though.

As we passed the pond, I felt a chill run down my spine. Jaebum was right. The man’s body was still there, encased in a new thin layer of ice. I felt ashamed at the sight of him, but at the same time I was relieved to know that he wouldn’t be a threat anymore. I was also relieved no one retrieved his body because that would spell trouble for us.

After walking for a few more minutes, we reached the farmhouse with our treasure. It was smaller than the blown up one near our barn and it looked older. The roof looked concaved on one side, but it didn’t look like there would be leaks or anything. There was a small well by the back door next to a dead lemon tree. It was sad to think that someone lived there at some point and now it was basically a ruin. 

Surprisingly, nothing was locked up, but Jackson told me it was always like that when they went there. It made me wonder what kind of claim the man I killed had to this house. He obviously didn’t care that much if he didn’t bother locking anything, especially if he knew we were nearby. The thought made feel uneasy.

“I think we should hurry,” I told Jackson, squeezing his hand.

He nodded and squeezed back. “In and out. I promise.”

Jaebum led us behind the house where he opened a door and led us into a cellar. There wasn’t that much food left. I expected wall to wall shelving filled with canned good, but there were only a few things scattered across the shelves. Without any prompt, I started filling my backpack with the things closest to me. The guys did the same.

“I think that’s all of it,” said Jackson as we took stock.

We all agreed and left the cellar, but just as we stepped outside, Jaebum pressed a hand to my shoulder to stop me. All three of us shut up and we heard the distinct muffle of human voices not far from where we were standing. 

“Careful,” Jaebum whispered to us, walking out in front to lead us to safety.

We needed to get around the house, back to the front, to get to the forest and back home. There was a small, open yard between us and the treeline and somewhere around us were other people. Jaebum went to peek around the side of the house in the direction we needed to run. He peeked his head around the corner and brought it right back, swearing under his breath.

“What is it?” whispered Jackson.

“Two men,” said Jaebum. “At the other end of the yard. There’s no way they won’t see us.”

“Then we run,” said Jackson.

“They could have weapons,” I pointed out.

“Then we kill them and be done with it,” said Jaebum.

“That’s not how we do things, rebel boy.”

“Well, what do we do then?”

I thought about it for a second. There was no real easy way around it. They were going to see us no matter what, but if we could just get into the trees before they did, we would have an advantage at least. I looked up at Jackson who was watching me in anticipation like I held the secret to our escape and looking into his eyes sparked something. I remembered how we met, how we had to escape the bar together and how we distracted those men. Distraction. That could work, but we didn’t have Molotov cocktails at our disposal this time.

“Find me something to throw,” I told them.

“Are you crazy?” asked Jaebum, but Jackson and I ignored him, searching the ground for projectiles.

We were standing near the dead lemon tree and underneath it lay a mass of rotten lemons covered in a thin layer of frost those would have to do. Each of us picked up one, but I picked up an extra one in case. I peeked around the corner at the men. There was an old rusty reservoir just behind them. It was perfect.

I took aim, I steadied my breathing and I heaved my solid lemon at the reservoir. It hit the side with a loud hollow clunk and both men swung around to look. Neither reached for a weapon, which was good, but it didn’t matter at that point because we were already through the trees by the time they turned around. We didn’t look back. We just kept running, Jaebum a little bit behind me and Jackson.

We were almost at the pond when a gunshot rang out around us and I heard Jaebum scream. Jackson and I swung around to see Jaebum crouched on his knees, his face contorted in pain.

“Jaebum!”

Jackson and I pulled out our guns and doubled back towards him just as the two men emerged from the trees, readying to aim another shot at us, but we were faster and better shots too. Jackson shot one of them in the head while it took me two shots to get the other one down. Before their bodies even hit the dirt, we were on Jaebum.

“Where did they get you?” I asked him.

“My leg,” he managed through gritted teeth.

I made him stretch his leg out in front of me and we cut away his jeans around where the blood was soaking through. I let out a sigh of relief at the sight of the wound, thanking our lucky stars that it was only a flesh wound, not even deep enough to bleed for long.

“You’ll live,” I told him through a smile.

Jackson crouched down to examine the damage for himself and I almost burst out in laughter at the disgruntled look on his face.

“That’s really bad,” he said sarcastically. “You’ll be lucky to keep your leg.”

Jaebum glared at him with a vengeance. “Yah! It hurts! And it startled me.”

We laughed as Jackson and I helped him up. 

“Let’s go,” I said. “Before anything else happens.”

“Please,” said Jackson. “I’ve had enough adrenaline rushes for two lifetimes.”

Standing at the edge of the water was strange. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw the ocean, the last time I felt the fresh sea breeze on my skin. It was still very cold out and I wouldn’t risk going in the water, but just being so close made me feel at ease.

Someone whistled behind me and I turned around to see Jackson and Jaebum walking up the pier to join me.

“We found a boat that works,” Jackson told me excitedly. “There’s even gas to spare.”

“That’s awesome,” I said throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him. 

I smiled at Jaebum, who looked a little lost, over Jackson’s shoulder. We both looked at him as he awkwardly scratched his neck.

“Are you guys sure you want me to come along?” he asked tentatively.

“Of course,” exclaimed Jackson, beating me to it. “You’re family. We’re not just leaving you here.”

That made Jaebum smile. “Wow. I can’t remember the last time anyone talked about families.”

“Me neither,” I said. “Our lone wolf days are over now and I honestly think it’s for the better.”

Taking in what I said, Jaebum nodded along. “You know what? You’re right. It’s a lot more fun surviving with you guys.” He pulled his backpack tighter around his shoulders. “I’m in.”

Jackson cheered and wrapped his arms around Jaebum, hugging him and spinning around before dropping him again. He kept an arm slung around Jaebum’s shoulders ad he took my hand in the other, a smile as bright as the sun stretched across his face.

“Let’s do this,” he said, Jaebum and I echoing him.

And into the wild blue yonder we went. No more looking back, just the three of us moving forward.

◄ Previous Part | The End

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #161

BTVS 6x11 Gone

Stray thoughts

1) “Gone” is the trademark “Sarah takes a week off and she’s only in a few scenes” episode. Some of these may be memorable, albeit not necessarily good, mostly because they’re other-characters-centric (like Triangle, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered or The Zeppo) Others are unquestionably bad, like season 4′s Where the Wild Things Are. And yet others fall somewhere in the middle on the quality scale, like The Killer in Me or Gone. As is the case with any Buffy episode, there are some memorable scenes and lines in this episode, and it does advance the plot, especially regarding Buffy’s and Willow’s season arcs. But as a whole, the episode kind of falls flat. 

2) Hm, what could the writers be possibly implying by this? Do they mean that magic... is like... I don’t know... a drug, or something? The underlying message is so difficult to read! Why won’t they spell it out for us?

DAWN: But they're just candles! BUFFY: Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to... witches they're... like bongs.

3) I’m usually a hardcore Dawn defender, but she was acting really childish in the opening scene, throwing a tantrum because Buffy was getting rid of all the magic-related stuff in the house. She was 15 years old, and therefore old enough to understand the gravity of the situation. For Christ’s sake, she had almost died two nights ago because of Willow’s addiction, how could she not get it? I blame the writers for this, though. It was an OOC choice for Dawn, in my opinion. Moreover, they wrote her quite inconsistently in this episode: she’s complaining to Buffy in this first scene, but she’s talking to her normally as sisters do. It doesn’t look like she’s angry at Buffy, you know? And then the next morning she’s all silence-treatment and sullen and sassy? 

4) So... the trio actually built an invisibility ray, and we’re supposed to believe they would stay in Sunnydale to become supervillains instead of making millions off their inventions?

5) #buffyswiggivesmethewiggins

6) Buffy was definitely partly responsible for the events that led to Dawn’s getting hurt. She shouldn’t bear the brunt of the blame, though. Yet she does, because that’s who she is. She talks about being too wrapped in her own “dumb life” to notice Willow was going off the rails or to pay Dawn enough attention, but the thing is, there’s nothing dumb about what she was going through. There’s nothing dumb about suffering from depression and PTSD and needing to focus on yourself. How could she take care of anyone when she couldn’t/didn’t want to take care of herself? 

7) So, this is what Xander walked into...

If you think Buffy was being harassed, you’re not reading the room right, dude 

Also, I need to comment on something and I hope I get my message across right. And I ask you to bear with me. At least twice so far (the “footsie under the rubble” scene, and this one) Buffy had told Spike “no” or to “stop” while her body language suggested otherwise. That’s going to be their dynamics going forward. Buffy says no, but then Spike pushes her a little bit, and she gives in. Time and again, we’ll see different variations of this dynamic. It’s definitely an unhealthy dynamic, one I wouldn’t foster in any relationship. And the right thing to do each time Buffy had said “No” - even if she eventually didn’t really mean it - would have been to back off. But Spike was no gentleman. He might make us forget it sometimes, he might forget it himself quite frequently, but he was a vampire, evil by definition and lacking a moral compass. What happens in Seeing Red is in no way justified by this or their established dynamic, of course. It can’t be justified by anything. But what I’m trying to get to is how Spike’s psyche works and what led him to believe that if he just pushed a little bit more, she would eventually give in as she had done so many times before. The difference between the scene in Seeing Red and all the previous instances before it, a difference that Spike failed to notice because he’s not wired that way and which makes ALL the difference in the world, is that both Buffy’s words and her body language were screaming “No.” There weren’t any half-assed attempts at pushing him away, there weren’t any come-hither “stops” or “nos”. She meant it that time, and that’s all that matters. 

8) Spike is ticked when Buffy won’t introduce him even as a friend, but the moment Buffy tells him the lady was from Social Services, he immediately tries to put in a good word for her, and it’s kinda sweet. Although he ends up mucking it up, but at least he tried.

BUFFY: Spike... this nice woman is from Social Services? SPIKE: Oh, right! Uh... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis. Like, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it. MS. KROGER: I'm sorry, did you say- BUFFY: Crib! He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.

And he calls her “mom”, which I love.

9) ICONIC I

MS. KROGER: Oh, so you live with another woman. BUFFY: Oh! Oh, it's not a, a gay thing, you know, I mean, well... she's gay, but, but we don't... gay.

10) ICONIC II

Although, isn’t all weed magic weed by definition?

11) Basically, the social service lady’s visit is an everything-than-can-wrong-will-go-wrong nightmare come true. 

12) See 7) above...

BUFFY: Why won't you go? SPIKE: I just thought you'd want... BUFFY: Get out of here!

And not only has she kept his lighter, but she’s carrying it around on her...

13) And then Buffy goes all Felicity on her hair (damn I really want to rewatch Felicity! Felicity and Ben forever!)

14) I do love the season 1 reference!

XANDER: Buffy, how did this hap... wait a sec, have you been feeling... ignored lately? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal.

15) Oh, after talking about this, this scene really feels like the writers were writing the on-set drama into the story! Like Anya wanting to get a haircut just like Buffy’s mirrors Emma wanting to get a haircut just like Sarah’s...

ANYA: You cut your hair? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh, yeah! ANYA: Really? How short? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Um, about up to here... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders. ANYA: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed...

16) Buffy basically uses her invisibility to do the silliest, pettiest things, for real. On the one hand, one would think that’s very un-Buffy-like. On the other hand, that’s what any human being would do in her shoes, at least in the moments right after gaining this superpower. Plus, she needed some mindless fun. And it’s pretty much what she did in Earshot, so it’s definitely in-character.

So, here’s a recount of what she did as Invisible Buffy...

1. Channel Lilly Kane as a fashion ghost...

2. Stealing a police cart while crying  “ So long, copper!”, therefore channeling Spike, Ripper or both.

3. Fucking with the social services lady in the most annoying ways.

17) I appreciate the reversal of roles the writers did with Buffy/Willow. During the last episode, we’d seen Willow crash and burn and Buffy trying to be the mature one (emphasis on “trying”.) Now, Buffy’s out of control and Willow’s the one trying to rise above the situation by going back to basics. I’ve given Willow a lot of flack for her behavior up until now, but I really love her in this episode. She’s honestly trying, she gets shit done the old-fashioned way, and she overcomes the temptation to use magic. That’s the Willow I love.

18) And then, there’s this scene...

...let’s call it for what it is: dubious consent. Okay?

19) Oh, this statement is going to become a lie so soon...

WARREN: The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation when the gun overloaded. Her cells are mutating at an accelerated rate. Eventually her molecular makeup will start losing its integrity and then ... pfft. ANDREW: But, wouldn't that kill her? WARREN: Well, lemme think. Yeah! JONATHAN: Wait a minute! We're not killing anybody. Especially not Buffy! WARREN: You guys are so immature! We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your thick skulls? JONATHAN: We're not killers, we're crime lords!

20) ICONIC III

So... Xander has just told Spike Buffy’s invisible, and he’s caught Spike having invisible sex, and yet he can’t put two and two together? Plus, she was gasping and moaning and the freaking ear was moving all on its own!! How thick can you be?!

21) I mean, magic withdrawal aside, we can all relate to this moment...

22) It’s only after Buffy meets Dawn and she freaks out about her sister being invisible that Buffy understands this shouldn’t be a laughing matter...

DAWN: Buffy? Where are you? INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm invisible. Check this out. Wooo, wooo! Unidentified flying pizza, comin' in for a landing.

DAWN: W-what are you talking- INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, not the most clever ad lib, but come on! Points for spontaneity. DAWN: Stop it! Just... stop.  INVISIBLE BUFFY: Sorry Dawn. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. DAWN: Well, what did you think would happen? You're freaking invisible, Buffy. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know. Xander and Anya are working on it. Muldering out what happened.  DAWN: Well, what about you? Shouldn't you be working on it? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Of course I- DAWN: Do you even care about, about who did this to you, or, or if you're gonna be stuck this way? You're making jokes and flying pizzas. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I don't think that's- DAWN:  I can't talk to you like this. I can't see you! How can I talk to you if I can't see you?

23) And Willow solves the case with some good old-fashioned sleuthing and I love her for it!

Of course, she gets kidnapped in the process, but what can you do? You win some, you lose some.

24) And yet again, she figures out they’re trying to kill Buffy with some good old-fashioned science knowledge!

25) Tucker’s brother :)

BUFFY: Who are you?

ANDREW: Andrew. I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? During the school play, you know?

WARREN: It's Tucker's brother. JONATHAN: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother.

26) This might be my favorite moment in the episode.

BUFFY: Pretty neat, you finding the van. So... how did you manage to... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it? WILLOW: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way. I don't know how I got through this day.

BUFFY: Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a... good first step. WILLOW: How are you doing, post-invisibleness? BUFFY: Okay. I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest. Dawn was pretty freaked out. The whole taking-a-vacation-from-me thing didn't work out so well. WILLOW: Tell me about it. BUFFY: Except... when I got Xander's message... you know, that I was... fading away... I actually got scared. WILLOW: Well, yeah. Who wouldn't? BUFFY: Me. I wouldn't. Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it. But I realized... I'm not saying that I'm doing back-flips about my life, but...  I didn't... I don't... wanna die. That's something, right? WILLOW: It's something.

I love the fact that they’re there for each other and that they’re the ones pulling each other through their shit. And they’re quite honest about where they’re at - even if they still have secrets. Both of the made it through the day, and sometimes that’s the biggest accomplishment of them all.