#whats up w me finding a character i like only for an update to come out involving them only for it to be like a TRILLION YEARS BEFORE I SEE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hiraethwa · 2 months ago

Text

to be loved is to be known

two; here we go again // the red strings bring you back to me

pairing. kageyama x reader

cw. angst, timeskip, setter!reader, one-sided pining, divorced!reader, fluff, healing from past marriage

wc. 6.8k

featured track. haze by LUCY

you have me. even when you think you don't. i was only ever yours to begin with.

kageyama tobio accepted the offer to play with ali roma that following season.

you had seemed happier in the following weeks with no recollection of the night of your birthday, so he tells himself that he is happy for you that you managed to mend whatever it was in your marriage. not that it ever stops him from thinking that he wouldn’t have allowed it to happen in the first place if he was your husband. if, if, if.

but he isn’t, so he throws himself into volleyball, the love of his life. between the busy season leading up to the olympics and moving to italy, he didn’t have much time to miss you anyway.

you didn’t normally text or call each other outside of volleyball, the only thing that threads a very thin connection between you, so he sort of lost contact with you naturally, the delicate string unraveling through disuse.

it’s been many months since he settled in italy, so he gathers it’s time to move on with his life—move on from you. he thinks he is actually doing alright in that department, chasing after whispers of your name on written articles, posts, updates significantly less than he used to when he first moved there.

once again, kageyama forgets to account for the variable that is you.

because he finds you knocking on his apartment door as he returns from his grocery run, and his arms slacken, bags falling to the wooden floor. a tomato tumbles out onto the floorboard. he wonders if he is hallucinating—he thought he had been doing so well in the moving-on-from-you department too.

“kageyama!” he finds himself flustered at the lack of formalities coming from you.

“kuroo-san? w–what are you doing here?” how did you even find where he lives?

“didn’t you send me that text to drop by if i visit italy? you didn’t tell me you changed your mind.” you help him with the bags as he fumbles with his keys. why won’t the key fob just orient itself properly?

wait, the text? he didn’t text you, did he? finally, the lock on his front door registers the presence of the fob and unlocks. he realizes belatedly, as you set down his groceries on the kitchen floor, that he must have accidentally sent you the text that was meant for hinata.

no wonder hinata never said anything about it.

kageyama wisely chooses not to mention his mistake to you. he listens to you point out a few things you’ve noticed in your trip so far—the gorgeous architecture, the gelato storefronts that seem to line every other block, the mouthwatering food you tried so far—patiently waiting for you to explain this bizarre situation to him.

it is extremely out-of-character for you to show up unannounced, and not to mention, formalities and boundaries be damned. and you are rambling, seemingly nervous, your tell of tucking your hair behind your ear giving you away.

so he nods along with you, commenting here and there, pretending like all of this is normal (when none of it is) as you make yourself at home at his kitchen island, telling him stories while watching him put his groceries away.

kageyama could almost pretend that this is your domestic life. one in another world where the gods favored him.

he recognizes the glint of wildness in your eyes, the look when you take a leap of faith, uncalculated faith, trusting, hoping that you will land on the other side safely.

“say, if, if aeroitalia smi roma gave me an offer to join them here in italy next season. what would you do if you were me?”

aeroitalia smi roma. here in italy. a barrage of questions appear, one that especially looms above them all. his eyes wander to your hands, noting the absence of the gold band on your ring finger. he tamps down on the blind hope rising to the surface of his heart.

“i would take it. they’re one of the best in italy.” but what about kuroo-san?

you nod at his statement, mostly to yourself. he registers the faraway look in your eyes as you turn to look out the window at the busy streets below.

he could almost taste the hope on his tongue, could almost imagine a life shared with you, doing groceries together, having you stare out his kitchen window as you are now on a lazy saturday afternoon, a cup of steaming hot latte in your hands. almost.

“could i ask you for a favor?”

“anything.” he breathes.

another lifetime where you would barrage him to decorate his relatively empty apartment, its four plaster walls empty and unused, to make his place feel like a home.

“i am going to need a tour guide when i come back.” you look pointedly at him.

he tries not to let his smile shine through too much. “when you come back?”

this lifetime where he would take anything you are willing to offer, make his peace with it. it has been so long he’s almost forgotten it, how easy it was to be around you, natural as breathing, familiar as a volleyball in between his palms.

as though he’s a desolate tree that survived all winter, the chill that festered in his bones being chased away by your warm gentle rays of sunlight from the unexpectedly early spring.

“you know, if aeroitalia did give me an offer.”

“i have barely been here for a year.” he laughs, coming to a stop next to you, staring out at the streets.

“still barely a year longer than me. plus, you can speak some italian, right?” you elbow him.

“i guess i will see you then, huh?” he tilts his head at you, dimples showing. you smile back at him—barely, a ghost of what it used to be.

he makes a vow to the gods that he would do anything to bring it back. anything.

“i’ll be two doors away if you need me.” you think kageyama was being polite as he helped you lug your suitcases up twelve flights of stairs with the elevator undergoing maintenance.

you bang your head on the wall in embarrassment. what exactly were you thinking when you showed up at kageyama’s apartment last month, and then pestered him with your stupid questions about moving to italy?

oh my god. he was probably just being polite and didn’t know how to tell you off. your relationship with kageyama had been strictly work-related, but you went off the rails, too worried about the move to italy while finalizing your divorce to be anxious over what he thought of you.

you ignore the uneasiness in your chest as you fish your phone out, feeling a buzz from it.

it’s a text from kageyama. you alright over there? shit. that was the wall between your apartments, wasn’t it? you text back a yep! before letting your shame out in a silent scream.

you make quick work of putting your essentials away, clothes, toiletries, packed food ingredients (as kageyama suggested), and some miscellaneous things that you managed to fit in two suitcases. the apartment came furnished, and two suitcases wasn’t much to begin with, having left most of the items from your previous marriage behind.

the sun is setting by the time you finish. the apartment looking just a little less vacant with your jacket strewn over the back of your couch, sauces and seasonings dotting the space next to the stovetop for now.

it’s not home, but it will do, for the time being. until you could fill in the missing fixtures and appliances, like a coat hanger for the front door, some bathroom necessities, kitchen knives. the list grows by the second as you survey your new space from where you are curled up by the kitchen window.

you lean your head against the wooden panels, admiring the yolk-colored ball of fire casting its final rays of light over the bustling city before darkness falls, much like flipping the last page of the chapter.

you stay there until the last strand of sunlight disappears over the horizon, rome now enveloped in specks of yellow. the sun will rise again tomorrow, it’s time to start a fresh page.

still, it feels odd knowing you are the only one who will walk through the front door every evening, that you have this space all to yourself.

your habitual tadaima slipping from your lips to no one in particular as you cross the threshold of your apartment, not that kuroo was ever present physically or mentally to welcome you home with a responding okaeri. on days when he came home after you (which was most), he often beelined for the shower, briefcase left at the front door, which he would come back to later, flipping through project documents past working hours.

you could probably count on ten fingers the handful of times that he even noticed your presence in the living room and mumbled a tadaima before tugging off his tie in the last year of your marriage.

it is easy to forget how much your life has changed during the day, occupied with the pace of practice and the frenzy of filling your apartment. so easy to gloss over the kuroo-shaped hole in your heart when the sound of the cities floods out the voices in your head.

when the night falls, and the city quiets, that’s when it gets loud. the sound of nothing, the crackling static gets so deafening in your ears, your mind, overwhelming your senses.

the realization that you really left everyone who’s ever loved you behind in japan to find something new, different in a foreign country, its tongue that you are struggling to decipher, the loneliness of being abroad.

the hollowness in your chest that amplifies the nothingness in your ears.

you have taken a liking to the city nightscape, eyes staring out at nothing in particular as you sit by the window by your lonesome, trying your very best to adapt and learn to be comfortable alone in your spacious apartment. to allow your thoughts and fears and hopes to speak to you while the static buzzes in the background, acknowledging them and letting them flow over and through you.

i hear you.

it gets easier to breathe the more you sit by the window overlooking the city. the sense of loss that once pressed on you at every waking moment dulls to a quiet throb.

you look out the window, where the first rays of sunlight peek over the city, dancing through the window and illuminating your kitchen in its softness, loosening a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

it’s the first morning you actually see the sunrise, legs cramping, as the sun climbs over the horizon, wishing you a good morning, since you moved in weeks ago.

it feels like deja vu as kageyama tobio finds you outside his apartment door, arm poised to knock on it, except you don’t. still as a statue, you stand frozen in doubt, the only movement from your fingers flexing and curling catching his eye.

even the shadows themselves seem to curl tighter around you as he approaches you carefully, as if you were a wild animal emerging from hibernation that would vanish back into the darkness at the slightest disturbance.

the gods must be over the moon with the new creative ways they are coming up with to toy with his heartstrings. the roles so starkly reversed between you and him, his once brilliant sun reduced to mere echoes of its former glory, leaving him to play what used to be your role and bring you out of your shell.

kageyama wonders if it would be appropriate if he poked fun at you the way you used to at him, if he would be overstepping his lines. then again, the lines had been blurred and redrawn over the past month, he thinks, remembering the first time you reached out to him after dropping by without notice, not really volleyball related.

hey! what should i bring to italy? you had texted him, the bubble showing that you’re still typing. like stuff you can’t get there.

he had thought long and hard about it before replying—curry cubes. perhaps that one was too specific, as he follows up with another text. sorry. anything you like to eat in japan, it’s hard to get japanese ingredients here. you had reacted to his message with a heart and left it at that.

and then more random messages.

do i need to bring a rice cooker? probably not…? i bought mine here. [image attachment] maybe i should bring one…

kageyama couldn’t help but laugh at that one. did you really have such specific preferences?

hey, do you think rome has nice soy sauce? just bring it.

how cold does it get there? tokyo is much colder, just bring your lighter coats.

he could just try. what’s the worst that could happen, right?

“hey.” he feels bad as you flinch at his sudden appearance, having half a mind to scurry back to the safety of your apartment, but it was too late—you have been spotted. “the door isn’t going to bite.”

“oh, hey, i wasn’t sure if you were home.” you rub the back of your head sheepishly.

“our practice ended late, what’s up?” he spies the stack of curry cube packages under your other arm, the thought of you remembering the stupid text he sent without thinking and bringing him all those boxes from japan making him flush.

he puts a mental hand over his heart to calm it from jumping out of his ribcage into your hands.

gods above, the effect that you have on him with every little gesture, all of them flying blissfully over your head. that’s one thing he can thank the gods for, at least.

you hand him the stack, tucking a stray curl of hair behind your ear. “a token of appreciation for all your troubles, kageyama.”

and because he was feeling a little bold, he jokes, “are you the same y/n who turned up at my door a month ago?”

“oh, you’re one to speak,” you roll your eyes, the corners of your lips twitching in a small smile. “there are two wolves in me, okay? one is batshit nuts, you know her, the one you see on court. the other one is me, and you drew the short stick today.”

kageyama knows he’s nowhere close to getting over you with the way the smallest hint of a smile from you sends his heart skittering, the way he is offering up everything he has to the role he has been asked to play so that you might shine freely once again, not for him but for you.

despite the stamped out selfish hope that maybe, maybe you might fall for him this time, he earnestly wants to weather the passing storm by your side, so you might walk out to clear blue skies, cloudless and unburdened. so you might smile freely once more, even if it's not meant for him.

“wanna come in? i’m making pasta for dinner.” he holds up the bag of groceries he picked up from the corner shop on the way home.

you hesitate, not unwillingly, more so from not wanting to intrude on his personal space. “you don’t have to—”

“you’ve already shown up unannounced once, what’s another?”

you flush with embarrassment at the thought of that time. not your brightest moment. “gods, will you ever let me live that down? i really don’t want to be a bother.”

“c’mon, you’re not. promise.” he gestures for you to enter his apartment.

you lean against his counter awkwardly as you watch him lay out the ingredients, prepping the table surface to actually make pasta from scratch. he notes the surprise on your face.

“i actually can’t cook very well, but making pasta is surprisingly therapeutic.” kageyama explains while he measures out the flour and salt, making a well in the center of the mixture to crack the eggs in. he whisks the eggs before slowly stirring in the flour mixture methodically.

“wanna try?” he offers after seeing the entranced look in your eyes. you nod, scrubbing your hands with soap before taking over the kneading of the pasta dough from kageyama.

he watches you quietly as you poke the tip of your tongue out the side, attention completely focused on folding and pressing the dough and repeating the motion, taking note of the downward turn of the corners of your eyes, the haunted look in your eyes when you forget to hide it.

your hand waving in his face breaks him out of his thoughts. “kageyama?”

“what happened to your formalities?” he blurts. where is the line between us?

you give him a questioning look.

he corrects himself, “i’m kageyama-san to you, and you’re kuroo-san to me, remember?”

“oh, that. i’m not kuroo-san anymore. we finalized our divorce before i moved here. if you prefer that, i can go back to calling you kageyama-san.” you brush your divorce off as if it is ancient history, as if it doesn’t leave an emptiness in your chest where you used to feel love for him.

“i’m sorry to hear that.” he shouldn’t have asked. for various reasons not limited to the way the hope in him perks its head up at the confirmation that kuroo is out of your life for good.

“it’s fine, it’s been coming, i just chose to look the other way.” you squint at the dough, suddenly kneading it with more force, your previous child-like delight now gone at the mention of your failed marriage.

kageyama really shouldn’t have asked. he hates to be the one who took away your fun and soured your mood with that question. that you still look devastatingly beautiful despite the sorrow etched in your soul.

“you can call me tobio. since we are friends outside of work now.” he hopes that his hair is covering the warm tips of his ears.

“sure,” you shrug, “you know you’re the only one who called me that or oumae-san anyway, right? old man.”

“oh wow, going right to insulting me. is this your other wolf appearing?” he shoots back drily as he nudges you out of the way. “go put something on the tv, we need to rest the dough for twenty minutes.”

your clear and bright laughter fills his apartment as you back out of the kitchen, hands up in surrender, a sparkle in your eyes and that smile appearing on your lips, chasing away the darkness.

he thinks this may not be as hard as he thought after all, playful banters with you. anything to chase away your ghosts.

and suddenly the one-bedroom apartment feels like home to kageyama tobio.

months slip by, summer’s warmth finally giving way to crunchy leaves beneath your feet and cool breezes caressing your skin softly with a lover’s touch.

kageyama tobio and you are nothing if not creatures of routine, taking turns at your apartments during the weekdays to make dinner since it’s so much easier to make dinner for two than one and significantly time-saving to not have to go through the twenty steps of cooking by yourself every day.

though you find yourself at his apartment more than yours, his skillful hands diligently prepping ingredients, slicing them with precision, following the recipe methodically with you as his assistant (who lounges at kitchen island a little too much, head on hand, watching him work, because gods, his hands, larger than your own, fingers unbelievably slender and elegant despite all the training he puts them through. you are envious of them, and just a tad obsessed.)

tobio would catch you staring sometimes, and you would look away, pretend to be unfazed, ignoring the blood racing through your veins. gods really do have a favorite.

you grew to enjoy his company, so unlike the quiet solitude of home that you were used to. his dry humor and his quiet steady presence. his cooking, really. you wonder what his fans would make of that, since he had once admitted to being a bad cook in an interview that lives on somewhere on the internet.

perhaps that precision of his is the reason the food he makes tastes so sinfully delicious on your tongue.

you had felt restless at first, unused to having so much time on your hands after being used to spending most of your own free time for more practice, more work, since kuroo was rarely home before the late hours of the night.

it never quite felt like home without him in that ninety-five square meter apartment—larger than most middle class homes yet so devoid of life and love that makes somewhere home. the luxury that you were able to afford given the size of your paychecks was never quite put to good use in those two years of your marriage.

“i’m feeling like some gelato today, want some?”

kageyama joins you out on the balcony, wiping his wet hands on the black cat apron you bought for him on a whim—a gift. it reminded you of his image in most people’s minds, a hissy and fussy cat who hates people, and to be honest (and maybe a little biased), you do enjoy that side of him.

it’s endearing, especially since you’re one of the few special humans that the picky cat likes. he really does act like a cat.

he had moved to italy a year before you, and being more familiar with the local culture, quickly became your go-to person to help you navigate the everyday life responsibilities from setting up your internet to the oddly laxed city disposal system. or the unlucky time your air conditioning stopped working in the peak of summer, barely weeks into your new apartment, your broken italian barely any help as you attempt to call a technician.

you remember having to resort to knocking on his door with a sheepish smile, rambling about the bind you were in and asking him if he could talk to the technician on your behalf. he had nodded, taking the phone from you and speaking into it, italian rough but so much more fluent than yours. his usually deep solemn voice just half a pitch higher and more expressive.

his unresponsiveness had you twiddling your thumbs in nervousness as he padded into your apartment, still on the phone and with you following closely, and proceeded to slam a fist into the side of the air conditioning unit before turning it back on.

the unit sputtered to life and you sighed in relief. “oh thank the gods.”

“the technician said he’ll stop by tomorrow in the evening because he has other calls to attend to from the unusually hot weather. i’ll be back from practice by then.”

“thank you, tobio.” you had smiled at him gratefully. you hated having to rely on other people for help with things that you should be able to do on your own, so accustomed to being hyperindependent, but tobio makes it easy to come to him for help. mostly due to the fact that he never makes you feel bad about asking for help, even though you do still feel bad about bothering him with all the stupid everyday life problems.

you had somehow wormed your way into his life and he had graciously allowed you to stay beyond all the times that you needed his help, steadily and unknowingly becoming your dearest friend.

you hum in response, giving gelato another thought since the air is turning chilly as the sun dips lower over the horizon, dusk creeping closer by the minute. “sure, why not?”

now, walking through the streets of rome at dusk in the cool autumnal weather for gelato was not what you expected when you agreed to it. you had expected smooth cold gelato melting on your tongue in the comfort and warmth of tobio’s apartment. not this.

goosebumps scattered across your skin under your sweater, teeth chattering slightly thanks to the cold dessert dropping your body heat further. your stubborn ass had rejected tobio’s offer of a jacket at the door, thinking your sweater would be warm enough for the autumn breezes.

apparently not if you’re eating gelato.

you didn’t have the heart to tell him no after finding out that the little trip would entail trekking fifteen minutes into the city and then back, with gelato, on a cool autumn night.

tobio has a way of making you go along with his whims without even trying.

you let out another shiver, cold fingers gripping the paper cup. he stifles his low chuckle by stuffing another spoonful of gelato in his mouth.

“what?” you narrow your eyes at the man, challenging him to say it. i told you so.

he shrugs, licking his spoon clean.

you look away from him, shoving the last mouthful of gelato between your cold cheeks and dumping the paper cup and spoon into a trashcan as you pass by.

a heavy warmth settles over your shoulders as you stick your hands into your pockets, surprise lining your eyes for a few seconds before realization sets in that tobio is draping his jacket over your shoulders.

tobio, who’s always known what you needed when you needed it. tobio, who’s always done it without guilt tripping you, no ‘i told you so’s or ‘you should have listened to me’s. tobio, who welcomed you into his life and stayed without asking for anything in return, his warm and steady presence providing you comfort just from knowing that he is right next to you.

the light brushes against your elbows when you work in the kitchen, arriving just as you space out a little too much while waiting for the onions to cook or staring out the window, the task before you forgotten. the gentle touches that grounds you back to reality, a quiet reminder that you are not alone.

you wonder if he knows how he makes you feel at ease, at home, and sometimes, when you catch a soft knowing smile on his lips at your boisterous laughter, you wonder if he is doing it with intention.

what kind of heroic deeds did you do in your past life to earn the favor of the gods?

you spin around to face him, only to have him take a step back as a biker zooms by, hands gripping your shoulders, pushing you away from the hazard, his back towards the open street. he glances back at the rider who is long gone, frowning at their carelessness.

his cheeks are pink from the cold, navy eyes sweeping over you to check that you’re fine.

“are you cold?” you ask him, hands already moving to return the jacket to its owner.

“no, keep it.”

you nod your thanks and pull your arms through the sleeves. your silhouette drowns in his already oversized jacket. the remnants of his warmth and the thickness of his jacket keep you warm the entire way home, just as it always does.

tobio shoves his hands in his pockets, tilting his head in the direction of your apartments, towards home. tobio, who had teased you and laughed with you, sat with you in silence and talked to you over dinner, walked with you on that rocky path back towards the light.

somewhere deep inside you, the smallest bud springs to life on a barren branch, hope, quiet and unsure, stirs in its dormancy.

the lines between you and kageyama tobio keep rewriting themselves.

lines that were blurred and redrawn, over and over until the first lines were unrecognizable. it feels like drawing lines on sand, only to have waves wiping the slate clean, leaving you to hastily put down some semblance of a line.

as if the gods are laughing in your face, telling you that you are wrong and to try again.

so you threw the stick away.

it was not a conscious decision, not at first. you had just accidentally let it slip, the thing that kept you up at night, the whispers that only quieted at the sight of the midnight skies. the endless expanse of it and the deep blue hues stretching as far as the eye could see, occasionally broken up by wafts of clouds floating through.

lighter than the dark skies of your hometown in rural japan where there was less light pollution from the sparse street lights dotting the farmlands. but it was the same skies, same stars light years away from earth that your obaasan taught you to navigate with if you ever got lost in the forest behind your home.

the home you left behind to chase after your dreams in the city, and with it, your grandmother. the home you left again once more to outrun your bad decisions.

tobio, to his credit, had listened intently to you on his balcony that night, both of you sitting cross-legged with your backs against the door, elbows grazing lightly, and assured you that your fears were in fact, not stupid.

maybe it’s his comforting presence, or the way he ponders over the secrets you handed to him without judgment, but you seem to spill at the seams when he is around, unafraid to bare your soul to your—kindred spirit. maybe it’s the words that fall from his lips meant only for you, roughly thrown together, not without care, merely earnest and unembellished, sincerity clear in his focused gaze.

though certainly, bringing up one of your deepest fears in the middle of a farmer’s market was the last thing on your mind, and tobio’s, you are sure. yet here you are, words pouring out from your heart at the sight of flowers, one of the last hurdles that still sticks tall.

“do you think one day i won’t be broken anymore?” you gently thumb the soft petal of an amaryllis, feeling the ever so slight give under the pad of your thumb grounding you from the pain that your memories brought to the surface.

tobio frowns at your words—he hates them. “you’re not broken.” if you were not in public, with people weaving around the different stalls, he might have tried to shake some sense into you, literally.

oh, if only he knew. your heart twists, hand dropping to your side, flower forgotten. “he was in love with the idea of me. with an olympic setter as his wife, the trophy to his jva corner office. and i was too blind to see it, even tricked myself into thinking that i was in love, when really all along, we were just in pain.”

you point at where your heart resides, finger digging into the soft flesh cushioning your sternum. “in here. i’m irreversibly broken deep in here. some part of me that rots in the darkness, never able to see the light of day. despite having fallen out of love with him months ago, stopped expecting anything from him, i fear that i’m still broken, tobio.”

the tip of your index finger—and nail—turning white with the amount of force you’re prodding yourself with. as if you wished you could pluck the beating broken but healing organ out of your chest and replace it with an undamaged one. nothing but a strangled mess of scarred tissue growing over old wounds that bleed with ease, too much ease. still fucking broken.

“you are more than that. more than that wounded part of yourself that you’re healing. you’re not broken.” he deftly draws your hand away from yourself, holding it because he wanted to, drawing circles into the back of your hand to remind you that you are not alone. the crowd melts away, leaving the two of you in your bubble of imagined intimacy. “you’re not broken.”

“i can’t even look at my favorite flowers without being reminded of the times he would buy them as a late apology and a rain check he never made up for. and i would wonder if there’s something wrong with me, some explanation as to why having a husband is no more different than not having one.” you blink rapidly, fingers tightening on his hand as if he could keep the helplessness at bay that way. “some reason as to why it felt more like living with a stranger i love under the same roof in that last year. he just had something to prove and i just wanted him to love me.”

“when you find the right person, they will love you the way you deserve to be loved, with everything they have. they will make sure you never doubt yourself ever again.” tobio pins you with a determined stare, the words weighing heavy on his heart, knowing that he might have you to himself in this very moment, but not forever. not forever.

does he have to watch you fall in love this time? gods, they really have it out for him. would he even survive it this time?

you falter, hand around his slacking in defeat. “you don’t know that.”

you cannot fathom anyone choosing to love you, with all the jagged edges and uncertainty.

“i know that you deserve more than him, so don’t settle for anything less than you do. trust that the right person will come along.” he says it with so much conviction that you could have mistaken him for one of the gods that chart your destiny.

you wanted to ask him why—why he seems to believe that with his whole heart despite yourself—but the brush on your sleeve from a passing shopper breaks you out of the imaginary depths of your fears, shattering the illusion of privacy.

what had gotten into you today?

you recover from your momentary meltdown in public, instincts to guard and deflect kicking in among the many ears that could be listening to a conversation that should have been kept behind closed doors. “are you speaking from experience?”

“never been in a relationship, actually.” he smiles a wistful smile at you, deciding to release his hold on your hand—as if he himself also just remembered that you are in the public eye.

“huh, i would have thought otherwise.”

tobio rolls his eyes playfully at your teasing. “don’t even start, i know i’m not good with words.”

“no, really. it’s a wonder you haven’t been snatched up by anyone yet.”

“now you're just flattering me because you want me to make the carbonara pasta that you’ve been begging me to make for the past week.”

you gape at him, in disbelief that he would use that against you when you are doing nothing but giving him a sincere compliment.

“i’m being real here. whoever you choose to love would be lucky to have you. and if they don’t feel that way, it’s their loss, really.” you gesture with an outsplayed hand, turning back to the selection of flowers, wandering down the row of autumnal varieties.

tobio presses two fingers to his temple, sighing as he mutters under his breath, exasperated words a soft whisper on the breeze, “too bad she’s too dense to realize it.”

he panics a little at the thought of you picking his words up as you turn around with your head tipped to the side in confusion, “what did you say?”

“nothing, just that the amaryllis is pretty. you should get it.” he blurts, just happy that his muddled brain was able to come with something on the spot. never mind that he just name dropped a flower, one of many that he learnt because you once loved them, still do, it seems, just tainted by your past.

you shake your head at him, already looking forward. “it’s alright, let’s go look at the other stalls.” moving on from the remnants of a relationship you moved to italy to outrun, and leaving them behind.

“wait,” a sudden thought pops into tobio’s mind, and he decides to do it without letting himself overthink it. before he loses his courage.

you watch quietly as he picks out a stalk of carnation, a dusty pink that lightens slightly towards the tip of the petal and hands it to the shopkeeper, exchanging a few words before paying and returning with a very short stem.

“i know you still love flowers even though they are tainted by your past,” tobio swallows, hoping he does not fuck this up like he always seem to with his words, “but i want you to know that you deserve flowers just because. it doesn’t have to be an apology, or a special occasion. you deserve them just because you like them, simple as that.”

he takes a step closer to you, watching you carefully for any hints of discomfort or anguish that you might try to hide from him for his sake—hoping that you are comfortable around him enough not to.

you find yourself holding in your breath as you meet his eyes, mesmerized by the blue of his irises up close, warm cobalt shades dancing in the light, as if they were welcoming you, reminiscent of the night skies that fall after dusk, the same navy hues that lull you to safety.

he tucks your hair behind your ear, his touch featherlike as he slips the carnation over the crest of your ear. “there. one day the first thought that crosses your mind when you see them will not be of him, but of how pretty they are again.”

a blink. “thank you.” the words are choked, as a wave of emotions envelop you whole. you throw your arms around him haphazardly, hugging him tightly with your eyes squeezed shut for fear of your tear ducts betraying you, leaning on him for balance with your weight on the tip of your toes because of his height.

you yield to his warmth, comforted by his arms sliding into place around you, the familiarity tugging on a memory that you cannot seem to recover, a nagging feeling of something you forgot as seconds tick by.

“thank you, tobio.” you say it again, releasing him shyly when you realize that you held on for moments too long, brushing at your eyes with the back of your hand for any stray tears, chuckling lightly at how emotional you are being.

somehow it feels as if a weight has been lifted off your chest after hearing his words.

“you are loved, y/n, by your family and friends, and your fans. you are the setter who will dethrone kageyama tobio’s rule of the court, remember?”

you recognize the quote from one of the japanese magazines that you and tobio managed to get a hold of. it makes you laugh—the type that sends tears pooling at the edge of your eyes, leaving you breathless and light and feeling like everything will be alright—and you smile at him.

it feels strangely like coming home after a long day.

there is a twinkle in your eyes, the return of your genuine self as you ask, “and what of kageyama tobio?”

your smile hits him like the first ray of warm sunlight when snow melts away to reveal the tiny buds sprouting at the nodes of tree branches, that first truly warm day after winter when you know that spring is here. and just like the trees that have weathered the cold season, you are shaking off the cold in your bones, ready to bloom again.

that pureness in your smile—the invisible pull that drew him into your orbit almost three years ago now emerging reforged.

gods, you are nothing short of devastating. he knows he will never be able to love anyone else like he loves you, describing it as intense does not do it justice. try all-encompassing and consuming, leaving him defenseless and dazed and wanting more.

is that wrong of him to feel that way? that if given a choice by the gods to do it all over again, he would still choose to love you? that there is nothing he would not do, no hell he would not descend, no winter he would not weather, just to see you smile at him unadulterated?

“he believes that you are the queen of the court.”

your smile does not falter. it deepens, reaching your eyes, curving them into joyful crescents that send his heart thundering at an inhuman pace.

“thank you for being here. i am beginning to realize what it means to live.” you make me want to live. the unspoken words hanging in space between you.

for the first time in a very long time, tobio finds himself praying to the gods that have long abandoned him. he can only hope that they are listening.

taglist. @hatsukeii @daisy-room @soulfullystarry @kitsune-kita @bakery-anon @thechaosoflonging @bakingcuriosity (gen) @mintgrumpy @noble-17 @box-of-roses (tobio nation) @hiraethwrote @shouyuus @yogurtkags @mcdonaldsnumberone (add yourself here)

a/n. i sprinkled lots of little details in this one hehehe (like how it is apartment to tobio before it becomes a home) how many did you find? *giggles while plotting* it's fluffier than i intended so i hope you enjoyed <33

awaiting updates? browse the library while waiting

if you liked this, please consider leaving a like, comment, rb or ask <3 (perhaps i enjoy breaking hearts a little too much)

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #kageyama #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama angst #kageyama fic #hq #kageyama tobio angst #kageyama x you #kageyama x y/n #hiraethwa writes #《 to be loved is to be known 》

159 notes · View notes

m30wk1ttycat · 6 months ago

Text

maze runner masterlist !

› updated: 30.11.24, masterlist w all my other works

★ - masc!reader ☆ - fem!reader ✮ - gn!reader

characters:

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚

☆ i love you - brenda just randomly saying 'i love you' to her best friend.

𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲

✮ gally's runner - you're not sure how to apologize to him after an argument about you volunteering to be a runner.

✮ rainy day - you teach gally how to braid your hair on a random, very boring, rainy day.

𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐭

★ wish you were sober - newt is drunk, and confesses to the person he tries to hate, only that he's too drunk to realize it.

✮ whoops! - you and newt get caught cuddling. feat. minho and thomas <3

✮ first and last 'i love you' - you confess to newt, but it's too late.

✮ stay? - newt takes care of you after you witnessed your friend's death.

✮ early bird - the box arrives too early, and the only glader awake is newt.

✮ pretty face - sucking him off in the deadheads. (incase you haven't noticed, this is smut. minors, NO. bad kids. I WILL BE INFORMING YOUR PARENTS :3)

✮ blondie - sleepy newt being clingy.

✮ flowers - newt giving you flowers ! (headcanon)

✮ double trouble - sonya and newt take care of you when you get sick. (platonic?)

✮ failed attempt - your attempts at comforting him were - quite frankly - futile.

✮ the not so subtle note passing - newt slips you a note during a keepers meeting.

✮ newt hcs because i was bored - pretty self explanatory.

✮ tough love - he confronts the med-jack, who's been acting as if he put all of them in the maze. (kinda nsfw lol)

✮ sleepyhead - newt being affectionate while you two cuddle in his bunk in the wckd facility.

✮ next time - newt being more rough during make-outs with his darling in the early stages of the flare infection)

✮ kiss me hard before you go - one last kiss before he goes on the mission to save minho.

★ dizzy - and not in the good way - newt gets really queasy when it comes to blood. his boyfriend, a slicer, who's always bloody in some way after his shifts at the blood house, adores to tease him about it (and then he feels really bad about doing it).

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨

✮ make up, not make out! - apparently, he 'misheard' you.

✮ minho tripping you just for shits and giggles - headcanon :3

𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐚

✮ double trouble - sonya and newt take care of you when you get sick. (platonic?)

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐬

☆ drunken greenie - thomas being moody when he's drunk.

✮ angel - as much as vince tells him that he needs to rest and recover from everything they've been through, thomas is too stubborn and asks gally if he can help the builders. thomas, however, manages to get injured during the job, too distracted by a certain someone, and finds himself contemplating his, admittedly, very bad decisions.

✮ dionaea muscipula - after a long, exhausting run, thomas still somehow finds the energy to sink his teeth into his beloved's flesh. (tw, slight biting kink!!)

✮ tommy's own personal human heater - how thomas likes to warm his hands up, feat. gn!reader!

✮ ridiculous - while attempting to run from his problems, he only causes more. (this isn't angst, sorry, angst lovers)

✮ the blind leading the blind-er - when a tiny little crush starts to turn into something so much more, thomas is too awkward to say it out loud, so he keeps giving not-so-subtle hints. of course, minho, his best friend keeps reassuring him that you picked up on his hints. (you didn't.)

✮ be my baby? - what should've been common knowledge by now still manages to shock you whenever you witness it.

✮ thomas with reader on their period

..𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧 ! i lied. no longer writing for this fandom soz diva

386 notes · View notes

aliendes · 19 days ago

Text

One More Day (S.Coups)

a/n: SURPRISE! posting a day early cause ill be out of town tomorrow. here is 64 pages or 33k words of a cheol Christmas fic! reminders to HEAD THE WARNINGS, there is some deep stuff in this one. MDNI as always, esp since there is an added smut scene at the end. alsooooo remember this is a rewrite to a fic i did in 2020, so if it feels familiar, that is why. there are lots of addedd things and scenes, tho so hopefully it feels different enough. i only proofread this once cause its a doozy so if you see mistakes or I need to update tags PLS let me know. anywayyyyys, here's my behemoth of a fic. enjoy! warnings under the cut

w/c: 33.3k~ whoooooooooa!

banners & images made by me!

warnings: NSFW, smut MDNI, minor character deaths, talks of car accidents, su*cide attempt, talks of past attempts, reader is depressed af, drinking, eating, reader smokes cigarettes (its a plot point ok), cheol maybe ooc?, kissing, cursing, fingering, oral fem receiving, soft sex, messy dirty sex but make it loving, breeding kink KIND OF, p in v sex, no protection reader is on birth control, blonde seungcheol (yes that's a warning) and joshua is an asshole for the first half of the fic don't worry it gets better. let me know if I missed anything

You stood on the deck of your parents cabin, staring out at the frozen over lake, shrouded in darkness. You couldn’t remember what time it was, or really even what day it was, just that you needed to get away for awhile. Your breath was turning into white clouds around your face, and then drifting up into the atmosphere. It was calming in a way. Freezing, but calming.

It was the middle of December, nearly Christmas, what used to be your favorite time of year. You and your mom, dad, and older brother Joshua would come up to this cabin and spend two weeks at the end of every year. Your dad and brother would always find the tallest tree for the living room of the cabin, with it’s high vaulted ceilings. You and your mom would spend hours decorating the tree, always turning out like a Better Homes & Garden magazine cover. Your mom loved to decorate, and she was damn good at it. You and Joshua would bake cookies together, despite your mom’s protests over Joshua being in the kitchen. He was always a disaster waiting to happen when you were younger, though that has changed with age. You can still taste the gingerbread like it was yesterday. You smiled slightly, remembering what Christmas used to be like. Now, Christmas was a shitty reminder of what used to be.

It’s been 7 years since the last time you were all together at this cabin. Nearly 6 years since your parents death, and 3 years since you last saw or spoke to your brother. You knew he was doing well, living it up in the big city of Seoul. He was a big-shot writer, and you would hear about him and his accomplishments through friends of friends or your neighborhood aunties. You were proud of him. Not that he would ever believe that, and it’s not like you would ever have the chance to tell him.

For the last few years, you had been coming up to the cabin alone. You always took two weeks off work and spent that time trying to keep your parents spirits alive in the form of Christmas cookies and movies. It was your own way of coping with their absence. Joshua found his ways of coping by blocking the memories out, you found yours in a glass of wine and a couple cigarettes out on this deck. Speaking of which, you should probably light one up now, you’ve been standing here for a while now.

Just as you were reaching in your pocket for your lighter, you heard a snapping sound from the left of the deck, startling you in your place, cigarette still hanging from your chapped lips. You turned your head towards the noise, face scrunched in confusion, almost giving yourself whiplash. No one should be out here at this time, you thought to yourself. You pocketed your lighter and took the cigarette between your fingers, slowly walking towards the edge of the deck. Sue you, you had a curious mind. Joshua always used to tell you it would get you killed one day. Not like you cared much anymore.

“Holy shit!” you gasped, nearly throwing your cigarette, when you saw a figure walk out from between the trees lining your property and the one next to it. It was a man you didn’t recognize. You squint your eyes slightly to try and see better in the dark. He stepped closer to your with both hands raised in front of him as a way to placate you.

“Sorry! I’m sorry! I -” he started, but trailed off almost like he forgot what he was going to say. You raised a brow at him, still unsure of the stranger. “I’m Choi Seungcheol, I live next door. I promise I’m not a creep or anything, I just noticed you standing out here for a while and wanted to make sure you weren’t locked out or something, I - I, yeah that sounded creepy. I’m sorry.” He rushed out the last words, looking almost sheepish.

Cute.

You stood there for a second too long, and Seungcheol, as you now knew him, looked almost like he was about to bolt back in the direction he came. “I - I’m sorry, I’ll g-”

“No, it’s ok.” You let out a deep sigh and chuckled darkly, no humor to be found. “You just startled me, is all.” You said with what you hoped was a small smile. It wasn’t, Seungcheol noted, but he didn’t care, just glad you were responding at all.

Another beat passes, “... so are you alright - did you need help?” He drawled, unsure of where the conversation was headed.

“No, no. This is my par- mine- my house. Well, not my permanent house, but you probably already knew that.” You stuttered. He must’ve realized the house next door to him was vacant 11 months out of the year, right?

“Ah yeah, I kind of figured that out.” he took a hesitant step forward. When he saw you weren’t running for the hills, he slowly made his way into the illumination provided by the floodlights on the back porch. You took in his features now that you could see them better. He had bleach blonde hair that looked a little fried, but that suited him nicely, large, doe-like brown eyes, and plump, cherry-like lips that were more than a little distracting. Had you not been in a crippling depression, you may have thought he was pretty handsome, you may have shot your shot with this pretty neighbor. He ran his hand through his yellow locks, “This house is usually empty, I only notice it occupied around this time of year. I’m assuming it’s your vacation house? You said it’s your parents place, right?” He took hesitant steps up to the deck.

So he caught that. Damn. “Was.” You stated simply. “It was my parents place. It’s mine now, I come here alone.” Seungcheol knew that. He’s lived next door for 8 years now, on and off. Every Christmas for the last few years, you’d been alone. He wasn’t a creeper, but he did notice you smoking those nasty cigarettes out on this very deck, alone, every single year. He remembers you used to come here with someone. A boyfriend maybe? It wasn’t his place to ask.

He’s at the bottom of the steps that lead up to your deck, looking up at you with an unreadable expression. Pity? No, there’s no way he knows what’s going on in your mind. He hesitates a moment before - “Are you ok?”

The question catches you off guard. Were you ok? You knew the answer was a big, fat no. But was that something you should share with him? A near stranger? Aside from the obvious questions you had, when was the last time someone asked you that? You couldn’t remember anyone caring enough about you in the last few years to even utter those words to you. The only people you interacted with were your coworkers, who didn’t give a shit about your personal life. All your boss cared about was that you got the job done, not about your emotions. You almost wanted to trust this man, share with him how you’re feeling, God knows you need it. You’ve been staring at him for too long, he must think you’re crazy now. You shake your head slightly to rid yourself of the thought. “Yeah. Yeah I’m good.” You mutter, looking anywhere but his eyes.

He pauses for a moment before speaking slowly. “Look, it’s not really my place to pry, but you’ve been standing out here in the freezing cold for over an hour.” Had it really been that long? Now that you think about it your hands and face were pretty freezing. “Do you want to maybe go inside?”

“With you?” you asked, slightly startled at his proposition.

His eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, and you had a distant thought that he looked oddly adorable like that. “No! No, no. I mean unless you want to come to my house?” He half asked, slightly confused, eyes narrowing at his own question, shaking his head. “I just meant, you aren’t really dressed for the 3 degree weather, don’t you think you should maybe head back inside?”

Oh. He was just being nice. You weren’t used to this. Leave it to you to jump to weird conclusions. You cocked your head to the side, looking at him with a dumb look. “Yeah…” you trailed off. “I was actually just about to smoke a cigarette, then I’ll head inside.” He gave you another unreadable look, and slowly started to nod.

“O- ok then.” He seemed like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself.

“Do you smoke?”

“Oh no, I don’t. Thank you though.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at you, like he didn’t want to offend you.

“I’m not offended you know, I know most people think it’s a nasty habit.” You took the lighter back out of your front pocket and put the cigarette to your now very cold, very dry lips. “Want to sit with me?” You asked after you took your first drag of the cigarette.

Seungcheol looked back towards his house, and then back at you. “Yeah, let me go grab a coat and I’ll be right back.” he stuttered out. You hadn’t even noticed he was only wearing jeans and a flannel. Poor guy, you’ve been staring stupidly at him for at least 15 minutes, he must be freezing by now.

“Take your time.” You waved him off as he jogged briskly past the trees and shrubs. You watched him enter his back porch and saw a few lights flicker on, then off again. Taking another drag from your cigarette, you looked back out over the lake. Leaning your elbows on the deck railing, you realized you were, in fact, freezing in nothing but a long sleeve t-shirt and pajama pants. You didn’t intend to be out here this long, only meaning to smoke one cigarette and head back inside, only to lose track of time.

“Want to sit down?” Seungcheol’s voice snapped you out of your reverie, slightly startling you. “Sorry - didn’t mean to scare you again” he laughed dryly. He pulled a couple of the deck chairs closer to the railing and sat down. It was then that you noticed he was now wearing a thick winter coat, and in his hands he held another coat, and what looked suspiciously like a blanket. You raised an eyebrow at him, but slowly walked towards the chair, holding your cigarette away from Seungcheol, respectful of others' distaste for the smell.

As you sat down in the chair to Seungcheol’s right, he dully shook the coat he was holding in your direction with a raised brow. A silent offering. “Thanks.” You muttered lamely, taking the coat from him. It was thick, and smelled citrus-y. Oranges? With maybe a hint of cloves. It smelled manly, it smelled nice, wrapping you in his scent when you threw it over your shoulders.

“No problem” he gruffed out. His deep voice was soothing your cold soul at the moment, a feeling you haven’t had in a long time. “I- I brought a blanket” he hesitates, slowly unfolding the blanket, watching your face to make sure what he was about to do was alright, “is this ok?” he asks as he set the unfolded blanket over yours and his legs. You nod at him, taking another drag from your cigarette. Once the blanket is situated, he grabs one of the legs of your chair and pulls it closer to his in a quick show of strength, so the blanket drapes all the way over you. You offer him a small smile, and then turn your head to blow the smoke in the other direction. “I don’t mind the smoke, you know. My older brother smokes like a train, I’m used to it.”

You smirk at him. “Are you implying I smoke like a train?”

“N-no! No, of course not - that’s not, that isn’t” he starts to stutter, shaking his head, thick eyebrows scrunching cutely.

“Relax, Seungcheol. I was kidding.” You let out as you exhale your last bit of smoke, putting your cigarette out on the deck floor. You should probably bring an ashtray up here with you next time you visit, which was becoming more and more infrequent as time went on. You used to come up here in the summer with Joshua, too, but those days were long gone.

He ducked his head slightly, the flood light illuminating the side of his face from behin. He really was beautiful, you noticed. A strong, slanted nose, with cute puffy cheeks, a defined jawline and those plump lips. They were a little red from being out in the cold, but cute nonetheless. They kind of reminded you of cherries.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that..” he starts to trail off, realizing he doesn’t know your name.

“YN. Sorry - my name is YN.” You stutter out, embarrassed at not having had the manners to introduce yourself before.

“YN.” He tries it out on his tongue. He likes the way it sounds. “Pretty.” He noted, face heating after he realized what he said. You smiled at him, the first genuine smile he’s seen all night and he realizes he likes it, and wants to see more of it, preferably in the near future. He gives you a bright smile in return. “What brings you out here, at -” he quickly pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at the time, “- nearly midnight?”

“Oh you know, just dealing with life.” You glance out into the distance, back at that damned lake. Seungcheol must have sensed your distress, because he is quickly switching the subject.

“It’s really pretty out here this time of year.” He states, lamely, looking out at the lake with you. “The lake freezes over in November, makes for some really beautiful scenery.”

“Yeah… I know. I’ve been coming here with my family since I was 8.” You didn’t take your focus away from the lake as you spoke.

“What… happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” Seungcheol quickly read the expression on your face and added, “You totally don’t have to answer that, I’m sorry, that was a dumb question.”

“No, it’s ok actually. I haven’t really talked about it in a while.” You chanced a glance at Seungcheol, his expression serious, focused completely on you. You were taken aback for a brief moment, wondering what was making you trust this man, before you went on, “My parents died almost 6 years ago. We used to come out here as a family every Christmas for the last two weeks of the year. I still make the trip every year to keep their memory, alive? I guess. That sounds kind of stupid saying it out loud.”

“No it doesn’t,” Seungcheol stated simply, “That makes perfect sense. You feel closer to them when you’re here, right?” You slowly nodded, still staring into his deep brown orbs. “Look, at the risk of making myself seem like a peeping Tom, I noticed you used to come here with a man, but I haven’t seen him in a while. Is everything ok with…?” His question trailed off. So he has noticed you before.

“Joshua,” you said, turning your head away, “my brother.”

Your brother. He didn’t expect that at all. From what little glimpses he saw of the two of you, you always seemed like a bickering couple, and you didn’t look all that similar either, at least from what he can remember. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“No it’s fine, you’re very observant, you know. How long have you lived there, exactly?” You asked, turning back to look at the sweet man beside you, gesturing towards his home.

“Almost 8 years. Inherited the place from my grandmother. The first few years I was only here on and off, still living mostly in Daegu. Fully moved in about 5 years ago.” His expression changed, looking like he was reminiscing on the past.

“So you must’ve seen me and Shua coming together before. He hasn’t come up here with me in three years. We don’t - we’re not really on good terms. He lives a couple hours away.” You left it at that, not really wanting to indulge in the reason why you weren’t on good terms. That was a conversation for another day. Your stomach dropped at the thought of talking to Joshua again. You were lost in the feeling for a moment before Seungcheol was speaking.

“I get that. Me and my brother barely speak either. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him to be honest.” He gives you a sad smile, which you return. You’re unsure why you feel like you’ve known Seungcheol longer than an hour, but he makes you feel warm in the middle of the harsh winter. You noticed his cheeks were becoming increasingly red and cursed yourself for being so inconsiderate.

“Do you, uh, do you want to go inside? I can make hot chocolate, or something…” you trail off dumbly.

“Uh, y-yeah that sounds nice”, he faltered, grabbing the blanket draped over you, folding it neatly before ascending from his chair. You get up quickly to follow after him, moving towards the back door of your cabin. You didn’t realize just how cold you were until you opened the sliding glass door and a wall of heat hit you in the face.

“Wow, I must have been out there a while. I’m freezing.” You chirped as you slid the door closed after Seungcheol stepped inside the threshold.

Seungcheol pegged you with a questioning look, and at first you thought he must think you’re insane, before he said, “If you want, you can show me where you keep the hot chocolate and you can go take a hot shower, or something?” he faltered before adding, “I mean, if that’s ok with you, I know you barely know me-”

You cut him off before he could start babbling again, though it was adorable, giving him a soft smile. “That would be really nice actually,” you said, leading him to the kitchen. “I’m not sure what all I have stocked up here, but you should find everything you need in the tea cabinet, above the stove,” you pointed to the stove, “and the mugs are in the cabinet next to the fridge. Feel free to make whatever you’d like. I’ll be down the hall, second door on the right if you need me.” You smiled at him again, causing him to internally melt at the sight, “Thank you, Seungcheol.” The sincerity in your tone hurt him. He could tell by the way you looked at him that you haven’t been thankful for anyone or anything in a while and he didn’t like that.

“Of course,” he croaked, I’d do anything to make you smile, he wanted to add, but didn’t. He just watched you trudge off to what he presumed was the bathroom. He mentally slapped himself. Why was he acting like an idiot in front of this girl he hardly knew? He knew it was because he has seen your sad eyes staring out at the lake for the past three days now, and years before that. Watched you stand, emotionless, wondering what was going through your mind. He’s perceptive, you told him that earlier, and it was true. Though he never had the guts before tonight to approach you. Now that he has, and now that he’s seen what a smile looks like on your face, he never wants it to disappear again. He’s too empathetic, a trait he inherited from his mother, sometimes to a fault. But he didn’t care right now. Right now, he just wanted to make you happy, even if it was just for tonight.

You let the hot water fall over your face, reveling in the way the steam was making your muscles feel. Even though your body was relaxing, your mind was starting to real. You think it’s December 21st, just a few days before Christmas, though you aren’t entirely sure. You’d sort of let time slip away from you. You’d arrived at the cabin three days prior, and would remain here for another week and a half. Usually, when you came to the cabin alone, you spent those two weeks wallowing in self pity, drinking yourself to near death. This was the first time you’ve had any interaction at the cabin in three years. Thinking back to three years ago, you recall your lowest moment at the cabin. The reason for the downfall of yours and Joshua’s relationship.

It was Christmas Eve, and you had just finished off a bottle of your favorite wine. The fireplace was going, and some sappy Lifetime movie was playing in the background. Not that you were paying attention in the least. You and Shua had just fought over staying an extra day. You wanted to stay, spend some time together since you didn’t get to see him often since he moved, but he wanted to go back to Seoul to his girlfriend, Yuna. You never really liked her, but that’s beside the point. He was in his room, probably on the phone with her if the soft whispers were anything to go by, while you were on the couch in the living room. You had just poured yourself another glass of wine and were staring out the large bay windows that had a beautiful view of the lake. You used to love that lake when you were a kid. You and Shua would swing on the tire swing attached to the tree that was partially submerged in the lake when your parents would take you up here in the summers. In the winter, you and Shua would walk along the edge of the frozen water, admiring the beauty of it, listening to nature. Joshua always did love all the little animals he would find down there, and the insects that he would find and chase you with. But now, as you looked out at the dark abyss of a lake, it only haunted you with memories of your parents.

You had contemplated it before, but was never brave enough to act. At that moment, though, you really didn’t think there was anything left to live for. Everything had fallen apart. Your parents were gone, your brother hated you, and you isolated yourself from all your friends so long ago, you really didn’t have anyone left. All you could think about, as tears streamed down your face, was how Shua wouldn’t care if you were gone, too. Your parents weren’t there anymore to care. You would be doing him a favor, right? He didn’t want to be around you, so if you weren’t here, he wouldn’t have to worry about your nagging anymore.

It really wouldn’t be that hard, would it? If Joshua really did leave and head back to Seoul, he wouldn’t even know. He called you, what, maybe twice a year? He wouldn’t be able to stop you, he probably wouldn’t even find out for a while. He could continue living his perfect city life with his perfect city girlfriend for another few weeks, months even, before he realized you were gone.

It’s a thought that would linger in your mind every single winter following the last one you spent with your brother at the lake house.

Shaking your head, you’re brought back into the present. Were there tears streaming down your face, or was it the water from the shower? The choked up feeling in your throat pointed towards the former. Great. Could Seungcheol hear you? You hoped not. God, you hoped not. He seemed like such a sweet guy, kind and soft. You didn’t want to bring him down in your spiral and potentially scare away the only human interaction you’ve had in a while. He really didn’t need to see how down in the dumps you really were, you didn’t need to ruin this poor guy’s Christmas.

Little did you know, Seungcheol did you hear you. He had finished making hot chocolate a few minutes before he heard soft whimpers coming from the hallway. He immediately made his way towards the noise, realising that once he reached the bathroom door, he could hear you quietly sniffling in the shower. His heart sank at the sound. He didn’t knock, he knew he shouldn't. Knew he should give you privacy. But God, did he want to. Wanted to pull you into his arms, tell you that everything was going to be ok, and see that gorgeous smile again. But it wasn’t his place, and he knew that. So he walked back to the kitchen, solemn expression on his face, and waited patiently for you to calm yourself, wishing that he could be the one to do it for you.

Seungcheol was unsure why he felt the need to comfort you. He hardly knew you, apart from what he’s seen of you over the years. Still, those glimpses weren’t really telling of what kind of person you were. You seemed kind, warm-hearted. You let him into your home, or your parent’s home, he guessed, when you saw that he was cold. You trusted him enough to dawdle about in your kitchen while you showered. That had to take some real trust, what if he was some psycho stalker? He wasn’t, of course. But you didn’t know that. He could be a serial axe-murderer!

The trust you put in him told him one of two things - you we’re either a very trusting person, or you had no fear, nothing to lose if he was in fact, an axe-murderer. The latter made him feel sick to his stomach. He figured you were going through a lot, but it’s been years since your parents death, you should be feeling somewhat better, right? No, he knew that wasn’t true. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, he knew that better than anyone, and he didn’t even know the circumstances surrounding their death, or the fallout between you and your brother. Another thing he had intimate knowledge of. Either way, when he looked in your eyes, he saw a sad, broken girl. He’s been that sad, broken person before, and he wanted to help you through it.

Maybe his empathy wasn’t such a bad thing afterall. Maybe he could offer you something, anything, even just companionship, to help get through the holidays. So, he waited at your kitchen island, rewarming your mug of hot chocolate every five or so minutes, until you finally felt ready to come out of the bathroom.

As you slowly towel dried your hair, you stared at your reddened eyes in the bathroom mirror. You knew Seungcheol was probably waiting in the kitchen for you, with long cold drinks, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of this handsome stranger with your tears. You splashed some cool water on your face and applied some moisturizer from you travel kit to attempt to even out the redness of your face.

After you were satisfied with the puffiness, you threw on your pajama shorts and t-shirt you had brought with you from your room, and left your hair wrapped up in a towel. Who were you trying to impress, really? You barely knew Seungcheol, despite the fact that you felt safe around him. He could be some psycho for all you knew. What you did know is at the end of these two weeks you would go your separate ways and probably not speak again until next Christmas, if you even made it to next Christmas. The thought didn’t make you shudder like it used to, and while it should’ve been concerning, it wasn’t. Not anymore.

Taking one last look in the mirror, you hesitantly made your way out of the bathroom and down the hallway, where you could hear the clinking of glasses coming from the kitchen. Curious, you sped up a little, until you reached the open floor plan kitchen of your cabin, shooting Seungcheol a questioning look.

“Oh! Sorry - I just saw that you have some dishes in the sink, I just wanted to help. Sorry.” He looked sheepish, and you thought it was rather cute how much he apologized for things.

“Thanks, but you really don’t have to,” you offered shyly, feeling slightly embarrassed he saw your mess, and sat at one of the barstools in front of the kitchen island, “Did you find the drinks ok?”

“Oh yeah - they cooled down a bit, so I warmed it up in the microwave.”

You smiled at his thoughtfulness, taking the warm mug from him. Seungcheol knew that you had been crying, could see the puffiness in your eyes, but seeing you smile, even slightly, made his boba colored eyes light up. He watched as you rose from your seat, mug in hand, and made your way around the kitchen island. For a second, he thought you were going to approach him, but you walked right past him towards the fridge. You reached your short arms up and grabbed at a bottle sitting on top of the refrigerator, pulling it down and setting it on the counter. He watched on curiously as you opened the, almost empty, bottle of rum and poured some into your mug. You turned around, raising an eyebrow at his questioning look, “want some?”

“Oh, uh, no thank you. It’s really late”, he advised hesitantly, sneaking a glance at the microwave clock. He didn’t want to upset you, didn’t want to overstep bounds as you were an adult after all, but he was also questioning your current state of mind. He figured staying sober would probably be the smart thing to do.

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, if any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water right now, both figuratively and literally.” You don’t know why you just said that to your neighbor, but you did and there was no taking it back. Realizing the weight of your words, you swallow loudly and paused. You removed your gaze from Seungcheol’s, slowly walking towards your living room to have a seat on the plush couch, ignoring the look he was giving your back. You never got around to redecorating the place after your parents death. It was almost like taking a step back into the past when you came up here.

Seungcheol’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, following behind you, almost forgetting his drink but grabbing it at the last second. “YN, do you want to talk about it? I know we just met, but I want you to know, I’m here for you. Or, I can be. Whatever you need. Someone to listen, make you hot chocolate, whatever you need.” He gave you a sad smile and sat across from you on the loveseat, setting his mug down on the coffee table.

You took another sip of your spiked hot chocolate, reveling in the burn at the back of your throat, before following Seungcheol’s lead and setting it on the coffee table. “Why are you so nice to me? You barely know me,” you questioned him, pinning him with a serious look.

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping right now, but I know what it’s like to be depressed,” he looked up from his feet, resting his hands on his knees as he spoke, “I lost my mother when I was 15. I’m not saying by any means that I know what you’re going through, but when I lost my mom I felt like I had no one to talk to. I don’t know you, at least, not really. But if you give me the chance, I would like to try? We are neighbors after all.” His momentary burst of confidence falters as he plays with his fingers and looks down at the carpet.

Your gaze softened at the absolute sincerity in his tone. Was this real life? You almost wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you didn’t pass out drunk on the deck and dreamt up some hot stranger to ease your muddled mind. You let out a breathy laugh, absent of any humor. You thought for a second, did you really want to unload this baggage on Seungcheol? No, really. It’s better to keep things vague, that way there is no one to hurt when you’re gone. “Seungcheol,” you started, causing his head to snap up to meet your gaze, teeth worrying his bottom lip, “You seem like a really nice guy,” Seungcheol winced, he could sense a ‘but’ coming, preparing himself for rejection. It’s not like he isn’t used to it, being the shy guy in a small town he never really had the chance to talk to many people. “But I can’t promise you that I’ll even be around in a week. I don’t want to get attached to someone, it’ll just be harder in the end.”

That was not what Seungcheol was expecting. His heart dropped down to the floor. He felt his stomach flip. Did you really just imply what he thinks you did? It didn’t matter if he barely knew you, you needed to know that someone cared for you. But he knew he needed to tread lightly here. He slowly got up from his spot on the loveseat and made his way over to you, crouching down so he could meet your downcast eyes. His hands were clasped together, but the moment you lifted your gaze to meet his, he unclasped both hands and held them out to you, wanting you to make the first move, conscious you might still feel uncomfortable with him. Hesitantly, you reached out one hand, which he grasped in both of his much larger ones. His warmth instantly soothing your cold bones.

“YN,” he whispered, barely audible, but you heard him, “I don’t know what your life is like back, wherever you’re from, but you’re here right now. I’m here for you, and I would really, really, like to get to know you better. If you can’t promise me a week, can you at least promise me tomorrow?” He didn’t want to scare you away, dreading what might happen if he does. He saw unshed tears glistening in your doe eyes before continuing, “I’ll come over, every day, and we can spend Christmas together. You don’t have to be alone this year YN.”

The thought of not having to spend Christmas alone was enticing. The last time you spent Christmas with someone and was coherent enough to remember it, was four years ago, when you and Shua came up here. The last time you were up here before that dreaded Christmas Eve three years ago. You wanted, really wanted, to take Seungcheol up on his offer. But you felt like you owed it to him to explain why you were like this. Why you weren’t able to get close to anyone, why you felt like this was a bad idea. You thought, if you tell him what happened, about your demons in your closet, maybe it would scare him away and save him any future pain. With that in mind, you spoke, ““That fucking lake. It’s caused me so much pain, and now it’s like a sick metaphor of my life,” it was barely a whisper that left your lips. Seungcheol could tell whatever you were about to say was heavy. He waited patiently, holding your sad gaze, silently letting you know he was listening. “They died in that lake. It was raining, my dad didn’t see the deer in front of them on the bridge leading into town. They had come up here for a weekend getaway without me and my brother, which they rarely ever fucking did. We found out two days later when they didn’t show up for work.”

Seungcheol instantly remembered exactly what you were talking about. How could he not have put two and two together? About six years ago, he was commuting back and forth from the cabin to Daegu for work. He was on his way up here for the weekend when the roads were blocked off at the bridge, he saw the overturned car in the embankment of the lake. Everyone in this small town talked about the couple who drowned in the lake for years after the accident. He even heard about how their child had tried to drown themselves in the same lake a few years ago…. Oh. Oh God.

“YN.”

“It’s ok Seungcheol. I don’t want sympathies, I don’t want anymore ‘I’m sorry”’s. You offered to listen, so I’m getting it all out.” You looked down, becoming hyper focused on your hand clasped in Seungcheol’s. “After they died, me and Joshua would come up here for Christmas, attempting to feel more like a family. It never did, we would just fight when we were up here, nonsensical arguments that drove a wedge between us. We kept trying though, until three years ago.” You heaved a heavy sigh. He remembers that, too. He would always see you and that guy, Joshua, arguing on the deck, or you crying out by the tree swing near the lake. You stopped, unsure if you should continue. You chanced a glance at Seungcheol, his dark eyes watching you with - it wasn’t pity - compassion? His gaze made you want to continue, worrying your bottom lip with your teeth. “I tried to drown myself three Christmas’ ago. In that damn lake.” You voice was low, rough as you spoke through your teeth.

Seungcheol sucked in a breath, and he hoped beyond hope you didn’t notice. He wasn’t even sure why he was shocked, he connected the dots a few moments ago. He knew it was you. “YN. I - I,” he faltered.

Not quite meeting his gaze yet, you muttered, “It’s fine Seungcheol. Now that lake is like this stupid fucking metaphor for my life. I ebb and flow, just like the waters in that lake throughout the year. I have my ups and downs. Then, every Christmas, the lake freezes over. It’s always hard for me to get through this time of year, especially without Shua.” You felt a single tear roll down your already puffy cheeks. You sniffled slightly, rubbing your nose on the sleeve of your shirt with your free arm.

Seungcheol stood up from his crouching position slowly, his grip on your hand still tight, your head shot up to look at him, suddenly afraid he was about to bolt. But he hesitantly took a seat next to you, holding your hand in his lap. He could tell you were trying to scare him away, make him realise you were too broken to be fixed. He was determined to keep you talking, get all your baggage laid out on the table so he could assure you none of it mattered to him. “YN, what happened with Joshua?” He whispered, close to your face. He didn’t want to risk you building that wall back up, even if he didn’t exactly want to hear the answer.

“He found me in the lake. Freezing, nearly dead.” Tears were rolling down your face now as you sniffled, and you felt Seungcheol’s soft fingers rubbing soothing circles on your wrist. You looked up, gaze focused on the wall behind Seungcheol. “Brought me to the hospital, checked me in, and left. I didn’t hear from him for a few months after that. When I finally did he texted me and told me that he didn’t think he could handle my ‘destructive behavior’, and offered to pay for my treatment”, you murmured that last part, voice faltering as you sucked in a shaky breath. “I haven’t seen him since that night.” At this, you finally looked into Seungcheol’s eyes, your own crinkled in pain, tears freely falling down your face, and Seungcheol’s heart broke. No. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. He barely knew you, but he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel loved, wanted to show you that someone cared about you. You weren’t going to scare him away with your demons, no matter how hard you tried. He had his own, he knew what it was like to want to chase everyone away with them.

Seungcheol scooted a little closer to you on the couch, releasing your hand in the process, and gathered your shrunken form into his arms and hugged you close. A beat passed before you hugged back, uncertain if you should. But his warmth had you melting into him, your chest heaving with pitiful sobs. The hug was a little awkward, with you both sitting on the couch, so Seungcheol brought his leg up and slotted it behind you, between you and the couch back, moving even closer to you. Seungcheol’s ambiguous nature long gone as he rubbed a large hand up and down your back, pushing his face into your hair, shushing you. You sat there, in his embrace, for what felt like hours, but was realistically probably only 5 minutes. When your sobs started to slow down, Seungcheol pulled back slightly, arms still wrapped firmly around you, looking you in the eye, “YN-” he started, but you cut him off before he could finish.

With a small sniffle and watery eyes, you whispered, “I’m broken Seungcheol. You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t want to be here. I only cause others pain.”

He seemed confused by your statement at first. His dark eyes searching your own for a second before he whispered, “I see you here, year after year. I can tell YN, I can see it. You’re broken by what happened, but you are not a broken person. You’re so beautiful honey, and from what I’ve seen of you tonight, you’re kind and worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of life, and worthy of happiness.” Your eyes started to well up with tears again and Seungcheol gave you a sad smile, thumb reaching up and caressing your cheek to wipe them away. “I didn’t come up to your deck tonight because I thought you locked yourself out of your house.” He admitted with a slightly sheepish look. “I came over because I’ve seen the torment in your eyes, and I’ve been there before. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. I wanted to be here for you, regardless of how well I know you. Maybe I can get to know you in the process, b-but I want you to be ok, YN.” He softly whispered the last part softly, dark eyes starting to well with his own unshed tears.

“You barely know me Seungcheol. Your words are sweet, but I’m not worthy. I’ve been drowning myself in liquor, killing myself with these cigarettes, and pushing everyone in my life away for the last seven years. I’m a shit human.” You look down, hand reaching up to gently grasp Seungcheol’s wrist, slowly pulling his hand from your face. The hurt in his eyes was hard to miss.

“I barely know you, but yet I want to know more. Doesn’t that say something? You think you’re not worthy, but I’m right here, telling you I think you’re interesting, lovable, and funny, if you give me the chance. I want to get to know you.” He pulled his hand, ever so gently, away from your grasp, placing it on your shoulder to pull you against his chest again. “You matter YN.”

You let out another quiet sob into Seungcheol’s flannel shirt, inhaling his soft citrus-y scent that has been a calming presence to you all night. “Promise me tomorrow, YN. Promise me you’ll stay tomorrow, talk to me, get to know me a little more,” he mumbled into your hair, “all I’m asking for is tomorrow.”

You thought to yourself for a moment. You could do that. You could promise one more day. Even if you had to suffer through it, at least Seungcheol would be there with you. Inhaling a shaky breath, you gasped out an, “ok.”

Seungcheol smiled to himself, a sad, small smile. He was happy you were going to give yourself a chance, even if it was under the guise of giving him a chance. He was determined to make you see life was worth living.

You woke up with a splitting headache. Was it from the copious amounts of alcohol you consumed yesterday, or from all the crying you did? You didn’t know. All you knew was the sunlight streaming in from your bedroom window was going to be the death of you if you had to endure it any longer. You let out a weak groan as you rolled over, pulling the soft duvet cover over your head. You didn’t want to get out of bed, but you knew you needed to get some water, or your headache was only going to get worse.

Throwing the covers off yourself, you slowly sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You grabbed your phone from your bedside table, noting that it was December 22. Meaning you were right in your assumption last night. Three more days until Christmas. As you looked at your phone, you noticed your arms were covered by a thick, wool like fabric. This wasn’t your pajama shirt, what were you wearing? You stood up and walked over to the floor length mirror on the back of your bedroom door, still littered with stickers from that time you and your friend Jeongyeon visited the cabin when you were 14.

As you gazed at yourself in the mirror, the events of last night came rushing back to you. Seungcheol. You were wearing his coat that he so kindly brought over to you last night while you were out on your deck. Seungcheol sat with you while you cried into his shirt for an hour after you had spilled your life story to him, letting all your monsters out to play. You could see the remnants of your sobbing on your face, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. After you calmed down a bit, Seungcheol wrapped you in his jacket and carried you to your bed, shaky and cold. He laid you down gently, pulling the covers over your sleepy form and whispered, “Tomorrow. I’ll be back tomorrow, and we’re going to get to know each other better. You promised.” before he left. Too tired to speak, you rolled over and fell asleep.

Your face heated with embarrassment. A man you hardly knew took care of you last night, carried you to your bed. This wasn’t like you. He hugged you last night! You haven’t had any human contact in nearly three years. The last person you hugged was your therapist at the rehab facility, and even that was awkward and a little forced. You hadn’t even hugged your own biological brother in over four years. At the thought of Seungcheol hugging you, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach, remembering how you melted into his warm chest last night. You didn’t realize just how touch starved you’d become in the last few years, but the evidence was right there. Shaking off your humiliation, you shrugged off Seungcheol’s jacket and rummaged through your suitcase for some clothes. Surely, you’d feel better after a shower and some breakfast. Right?

After rinsing the previous night from your skin, you dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt, not really bothering to do your hair. You didn’t plan on leaving the cabin today, at most you would sit out on the deck again. Heading back into your room, you hear a soft knock coming from your living room. At first you thought you were hearing things, until another knock, slightly louder, sounded through the cabin.

As you made your way down the hallway and into the living room, you saw a smiling Seungcheol through the sliding glass door standing on your back deck. His arms were full, with… Bags? You rushed forward past the couches and unlocked and slid the door open.

“Good morning - er, I guess afternoon now?” Seungcheol stuttered a little awkwardly, albeit friendly. He stumbled through your back door and made his way over to the kitchen island. You watched wordlessly as he set down a couple of bags and a blanket on the marble countertop. You tilted your head at him as he turned around to face you. “I, um, I thought we could spend the day together if - if that’s ok with you?” he lilted his words at the end.

You remember the promise you made to Seungcheol last night as you stared at him, mouth agape. One more day. You promised him today. You were slightly surprised that Seungcheol made good on it, half expecting him to bolt last night and never speak to you again after everything you unloaded on him, yet here he was, bright eyed and bushy tailed at…. Two in the afternoon, damn you really did knock out.

“What’s in the bags?” You questioned as you moved towards the kitchen, blinking dumbly at Seungcheol and pointing at the reusable grocery bags he brought with him.

“Well… I noticed last night that you didn’t have much food in your fridge, mostly just liquor and soda,” your cheeks heated as he called you on your bad habits, “so I brought over some groceries. I thought we could make lunch and since it’s a little too cold outside, we could set up a picnic in your living room.” he offered, gesturing to the blanket sitting on your countertop. “If that’s ok with you, of course.” He sounded a little abashed, having not gotten your number last night, he wasn’t able to see if you were ok with all of this beforehand. He was taking a leap of faith here, hoping that you would take him up on his offer. It was the only thing he could think of that didn’t involve going outside in the snow.

You smiled shyly at him, “That actually sounds really nice, Seungcheol, thank you.” Not having a drop of alcohol in your system was making your normal, shy self emerge from the mask of indifference you usually wear, shrouded behind a layer of soju.

Seungcheol offered you a bright smile, showing off his perfect teeth. His smile was warm, inviting, much like his scent. You were slowly realizing that you quite enjoyed his company. Maybe a little more than you should have.

You and Seungcheol had spent the afternoon cooking and chatting in your kitchen, making a kimchi stew from a recipe Seungcheol had in one of his grandmother’s old cookbooks. You discovered that he was a natural in the kitchen, moving through the recipes with ease. He told you stories about how he used to come out here to visit his grandma and she would always cook with him in the very cabin he lived in now. He told you about how he inherited it from her 8 years ago when she passed away, and how he quit his office job in Daegu to move out here and become a freelance writer for an online journal. You admired his bravery, being able to leave his life behind and take a risk moving out here. Part of you wished you were able to take that jump, you truly loved this cabin, and most of the memories that came with it. But alas, you were tied to your stupid corporate job in your stupid coastal city. It’s part of the reason you were always so jealous of Joshua, being able to make that move without you.

Now, you and Seungcheol were sitting on his soft blanket, in front of your fireplace, eating the stew the two of you made together. “So where are you from, YN?” Seungcheol asked as he finished off his bowl, setting it down on the hardwood floor.

“Busan,” you stated simply. “I still live there. I usually only make the trip out here for Christmas now. Though I used to come up during the summers, too, but haven’t in a while.”

“And what do you do, in Busan?” he asked, stretching his legs out and leaning back on his elbows, full focus on you.

“I work at an animal shelter. Nothing fancy. I actually work in the office, but I get to hang out with the cats and dogs, too. I tend to prefer the company of animals, rather than humans,” you offered somewhat abashedly. You were telling the truth. You had always wanted to become a veterinarian, ever since you could talk, really. But you just didn’t have the time, or the money to go to school, so you found the next best option.

“I definitely get that,” Seungcheol agreed, “I have a cat at home. It gets lonely up here sometimes, and he helps keep me sane.” He smiled thinking about the furball he adopted a couple years ago, probably resting peacefully in his favorite sunbathing spot in his living room.

Your eyes lit up at the mention of a cat and Seungcheol filed that away for later. “Really? What’s his name?”

Seungcheol was more than happy to indulge in your sudden curiosity, happy he found something you’re actually interested in. “Bear. He’s a Maine coon. I found him at the local shelter in town a couple years back. He’s the sweetest thing.”

Your conversation continued throughout the afternoon much the same. You told Seungcheol about your dreams to become a vet that would probably never come to fruition, and in turn he told you about his previous job in Daegu as a marketing analyst. You shared with each other your big (and small) dreams and aspirations, discussed TV shows you both liked, and talked about different recipes you enjoy. You discovered that Seungcheol used to be a horrible cook, but ever since moving to the cabin and having to cook for himself, he turned out to be a decent home chef.

You were actually enjoying spending time with Seungcheol, something you really didn’t expect to happen when you were on the drive up here a few days ago. You haven’t really had a friend to talk to for a long time, your only close friend Jeongyeon having moved to the United States six years ago, you never really made the effort to make any new ones. Seungcheol was nice, you thought to yourself as he talked more about his cat, you wouldn’t mind being friends with him.

By dinner time you were both starting to get hungry again, so you suggested ordering take out while you both cleaned up the mess in the kitchen from earlier. You called the chicken place you knew of in town, while Seungcheol started loading the dishwasher. “Hey YN?” you heard from the kitchen.

“Yes?” You half shouted back, walking down the hallway towards Seungcheol.

“Where are your dish- oh nevermind, found them!” He shouted back as you walked into the kitchen. He stood up straight after shutting the dishwasher, sighing and wiping his hands down the front of his jeans. “Dishes are done, food is ordered. What do you say we watch some Christmas movies?” You smiled at the look on Seungcheol’s face, he seemed so excited to be doing something as domestic as cleaning and relaxing, it made your heart soften just a bit.

For the rest of the night, you and Seungcheol sat in front of the TV, watching sappy Lifetime movies, eating chicken and drinking beer. It was probably the most fun you’ve had in quite a few years, and you were really thankful for his company. At the end of the night, you and Seungcheol exchanged phone numbers with a promise that you would give Seungcheol one more day, at least, to get to know you better. You agreed, and Seungcheol left with one final bright smile and wave of his hand.

You sighed, rubbing your hand down the front of your face. Having Seungcheol here was a great distraction, but now that he’s gone and you can hear the faint sound of Christmas music playing on the credits of some crappy movie, reality was starting to sink in. After these two weeks were over, you’d return to Busan, Seungcheol-less, and have to resume your normal life again. A life you weren’t satisfied with. A life you knew you didn’t want to continue living. Being here made you feel like that life didn’t exist anymore, like you were almost, happy? But you knew that it would all be over soon and everything would hurt again. You didn’t want to let yourself get wrapped up in Seungcheol because only bad things could come of it, but he was making it really, really hard. You could see yourself falling for Seungcheol, allowing him to make you happy, being with him, domestic and blissful, in another life. But not this one, not the current life the universe had dealt you. You had way too much baggage, you would never be the happy go-lucky girl you were in your teens again. You would always live with this depression, with these demons. Despite years of therapy and a stint in rehab, there was nothing that was going to fix you.

As you changed into your pajamas, you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes were sunken in, your skin was pale, and your hair had seen better days. You knew you hadn’t been taking great care of yourself, but you didn’t think it had gotten this bad. What did Seungcheol see in you anyways? Your life was a wreck and you looked like it, too. You sighed to yourself, running a brush through your hair. You promised Seungcheol one more day, so you were going to make it through tomorrow, at least.

December 23rd. Two more days until Christmas.

You woke up feeling a little lighter this morning after having spent yesterday with Seungcheol, but you also had a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’ve never really been one to believe in superstitions, but for some reason, you had a strong feeling something bad was going to happen soon. You tried to shake off the feeling. You had woken up early this morning, just before sunrise and decided to take a steaming hot shower.

After your shower, you got dressed in comfy clothes and decided to sit out on the deck and smoke for a bit. It was still early in the morning, the sun still on the horizon. It really was beautiful out here. You had the perfect view of the lake from your deck. It faced towards the east, giving you a gorgeous view of the sunrise just above the frozen lake. The colors of the sky were so pretty this time of day, oranges mixing with pretty pinks, you nearly felt like you were on set for a romance drama.

There was a low fog rolling onto the embankment from the lake. It almost looked like dry ice, white billows of smoke swirling in the slight morning breeze. Admiring the landscape, you took a cigarette out of your pack, and slid your lighter out of your pocket. The sun was just barely starting to pass over the mountains in the east. You shivered a little as you lit up your cigarette, taking a deep inhale of smoke. You instantly felt at ease, the weird feeling from earlier dissipating with the sharp exhale of smoke.

Seungcheol hadn’t gone to sleep yet, and was typing on his laptop, Bear in his lap, on his sofa. He spent a majority of the day over at your cabin yesterday and spent all night trying to get caught up with work. As a freelance writer, he made his own hours, but he wanted to make sure he was going to meet his next deadline, coming up in a few weeks.

He gently closed his laptop and stretched his arms up into the air, cracking a few joints in the process. The noise startled Bear and he shot up out of Seungcheol’s lap, across the kitchen floor. “Sorry, buddy,” Seungcheol mumbled, sleep thick in his voice. He watched as Bear slid across the linoleum and jumped up onto the window sill above the sink. Seungcheol looked out of the window curiously, eyes catching on a figure. He stood up from his spot on the sofa slowly, making his way towards the window, mindful of Bear this time.

From his kitchen window, Seungcheol had a perfect view of you standing on your deck smoking a cigarette. He watched as you took a deep inhale every couple of minutes and exhaled white swirls of smoke through your nose. The sun was just beginning to rise and the light was catching beautifully on the planes of your face. Seungcheol took a moment to admire you, since he hasn’t really had the chance before. You were always intently watching him, waiting for his next move, almost like you were afraid he would leave, never quite giving in to his friendship.

The light shone over your features beautifully, highlighting your sharp cheekbones and sunken in eyes. Seungcheol noticed you looked a little thin, he wasn’t sure if that had to do with heredity or your mental state, but he tried not to dwell on it. Long eyelashes flutter over your cheeks everytime you close your eyes, basking in the sunlight. Your fingers, long and slender, held the cigarette so delicately. You seemed so fragile, so ethereal, he wonders why the world had to be so cruel to you. What did you do to deserve the foul things that have happened to you? Nothing, you didn’t do anything, he reminded himself. You were just delt a bad hand at life.

He watched as your long hair fluttered around your face in the breeze. It looks like you just washed it, he thought, you must be cold in the crisp morning air. With one last exhale of smoke, you put your cigarette out on the railing of your deck. Seungcheol smirked to himself when he saw the small pout form on your lips. How could someone be so beautiful, yet so broken? Seungcheol wasn’t sure why he felt this strong urge to protect you, to prevent any further harm from coming to you, but he knew that he would do everything in his power to make sure you felt cared for. He was drawn to you, in a way he has never been drawn to another person. It both scared and excited him and sent butterflies fluttering through his stomach and ribcage. He took one last glance at you through the window and decided it would be best if he got some rest before trekking back over to your cabin later.

As Seungcheol fell asleep, all thoughts were on his pretty neighbor and the haunting look in your eyes as you stared out at the lake.

The rest of your morning went by relatively smoothly, having made breakfast after coming inside from your morning smoke. You cooked yourself some eggs and toast and then decided to check some emails on your laptop you brought with you. You saw a couple of emails from your boss, asking about adoption paperwork that he couldn’t find on your desk. You emailed him back quickly with the forms you had stored in your files, before powering off your computer, done with work for now. You moved the laptop from the top of your thighs to the nightstand next to your bed and leaned back against the headboard. You folded your arms behind your head and glanced around the room, taking in your childhood surroundings.

The walls of your bedroom were still a pastel pink color with sponged on white clouds reaching up to the ceiling. You had a vivid memory of helping your mom paint the clouds when you were 8 years old. She would laugh at you everytime you would pout because the cloud didn’t come out exactly how you wanted it to. You smiled at the memory of your sweet mother’s laugh.

Across from your full size bed, was a white dresser with claw feet that still contained some old summer clothes from when you would visit during your breaks from high school, probably a few sizes too small now. Along the side of the dresser and the white full length mirror on the back of your door, were stickers from your favorite boy groups when you were a teenager. You and Jeongyeon had collected them throughout the school year and would stick them on when you arrived for the summer. You smiled at the memories this room brought back. This was the reason you kept returning here every year, you tell yourself. To remember the times when you were happy and loved life.

You let out a deep sigh and sunk back onto your mattress further, eyes feeling droopy. When your head hit the soft pillow, you stared up at the ceiling, still white because your mom said painting the ceiling pink would have made the room feel claustrophobic. There were still little pieces of sticky tape stuck to it from when you had plastered glow in the dark stars and planets all over the ceiling, long since gone now, though the remnants remained. You were always fascinated by space. You remember when you begged your mom to get those planets for the cabin after putting them up in your childhood bedroom back home in Busan.

You never updated anything in the house, really, bought new furniture, or moved anything around. It would feel wrong, you thought. It wouldn’t feel like home anymore if you made changes.

You hadn’t even entered the master bedroom, where your parents slept, since they passed. You know that Joshua has, having gone through some of their belongings in the years since their death, but you never could bring yourself to do it. Shua had also gone through his childhood things in his room, just across the hall from you, taking what he cared for back to Seoul with him. You wondered what was left in there, too tired to actually get up and check. As you reminisced on your cabin, your childhood, sleep began to take over, and eventually you fell asleep to the slow hum of the heater for a much needed nap.

You sat up straight in bed, clutching your shirt, breathing heavy. What was that noise? Ding ding. You let out a breath of relief. It’s just the doorbell. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, briefly glancing at the clock on your side table. 4:03 pm. Damn. How long did you sleep?

As you got up to answer the door you caught your reflection in the mirror, straightening your bed head out a little. As you made your way to the front of the house, you heard soft knocking on the door. “Coming, coming!” you yelled out to whoever was on the other side. When you arrived at the front door, you looked out the glass pane next the door, finding Seungcheol standing there on your front porch. He was holding a - duffle bag? You squint your eyes in confusion, but open the door anyways.

“Hi, YN!” Seungcheol starts, before taking in your appearance. You were wearing what looked to be pajama shorts and an oversized white t-shirt. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” He looked a little sheepish, despite the late hour, running his hair through his blonde locks.

“A-ah, yeah, but it’s ok! I really shouldn’t have slept this long anyway,” you trailed off, opening the door a little wider and motioning for Seungcheol to come in. “What’s that?” You asked, pointing at the black bag clutched in his hand.

“Oh, well…” he starts, coming all the way through the entryway and toeing his shoes off next to yours, he assumed. “Since the forecast says it’s supposed to snow, I brought some board games and some movies,” he seemed a little unsure, wary that you were going to tell him you didn’t want to hang out, or something. You smiled at him to ease his worries.

“I love board games,” you began, walking off towards your kitchen, Seungcheol trailing behind you. “I haven’t really played any in years though,” you falter, “I’m not sure I’ll be any good.”

Seungcheol gave you the gentlest smile you think you’ve ever seen from a man, making you melt a little more. What was this guy doing to you?

“Don’t worry, I’m not the competitive type anyways.” He gave you a little wink, making you think that was an absolute lie. Seungcheol’s eyes shot up to yours, a bright smile spreading across his handsome face. The tinkling sound of your laugh made his insides heat up. He absolutely adored the sound.

The two of you ended up ordering take out again, Seungcheol insisting on paying this time, and sat on your couches with games and snacks spread out on the coffee table. You guys had already played a couple rounds of Scrabble, and one round of Scattergories and now you were leaning back enjoying the pizza Seungcheol had ordered. Just like Seungcheol had predicted, it started snowing around 6 o’clock and has been for the last hour or so.

“You’re telling me you lived your whole life never having a pet?!” You laughed, hand covering your mouth still full of pizza.

“Nope. My parents never let me have a pet growing up and when I was old enough to move out I was just too busy to take care of one. A few years ago when I was feeling lonely, I decided to give it a go.”

You couldn’t imagine a life without pets. Growing up your family always had dogs or cats around, one time even adopting a pet hamster. You haven’t had pets in a few years, but you’re around them all the time due to work.

“I love Bear, though. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it now.” He smiled fondly, talking about his beloved cat. “What about you, any pets back home?”

“Ah, no. I don’t have the time anymore. But it’s ok because I spend most of my time with them at work.” As much as you hated the people you worked with, you absolutely adored the animals. You didn’t think you could ever work in a profession that didn’t allow you to work with animals, it just wouldn’t make sense to you.

Seungcheol smiled at you, damn that smile was making you seriously weak. “I’d love to introduce you to Bear while you’re here, if you’d like.”

You grinned brightly at the man seated across from you, “I would love that.”

“Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? It’ll be Christmas Eve, I can cook something for us, and you can hangout with Bear. I’m sure he’d love the company, I’m usually pretty boring.” He laughed.

“I -” you hesitated. Why were you hesitating? You really liked Seungcheol. You liked him so much that you even forgot about your promise to him about ‘one more day’. You were enjoying the time you spent with him so much that thoughts about your parents, Joshua, and your demons were at the back of your mind when you were with him. You mean, you’ve literally only smoked two cigarettes today, that has to be some sort of record for you. So why were you hesitating?

You knew why, you didn’t want Seungcheol to get too attached. It’s been at the forefront of your mind since you met the guy. Who were you kidding, you didn’t want to get too attached. You’d be leaving soon and it would only hurt you more in the long run. Seungcheol was staring at you, a hopeful look in his eyes. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea, Seungcheol.”

The crestfallen look on Seungcheol’s face made you want to immediately take back your words, but he beat you to it. “Can I ask you why you think that?” He was much bolder than when you met a couple of days ago, you noted.

You wrung your hands together in your lap, having finished your slice of pizza a few minutes ago, the greasy remnants only slightly bothersome. “I just don’t want to make this harder than it’s already going to be,” you trailed off quietly, eyes fixated on a loose thread on the rug beneath the coffee table, “I have to go back home in a week, and like I told you a couple of days ago, I’m not sure if I even want to live that life anymore.” You whispered the last part, biting on the inside of your cheek.

Seungcheol’s eyes softened. He realized it wasn’t about him, but about you and how you didn’t want to hurt him, once again. He knew you were too kind for your own good, but he really needed you to realize that. “YN. It’s just dinner. And who says we can’t still be friends when you do go back home?” he added extra emphasis to the word do, making sure to not use an ‘if’ in that sentence. He’s going to make sure you make it back home in one piece if it’s the last thing he does.

You knew what Seungcheol was trying to do, and you really did appreciate it. You also really enjoyed his company, so you thought, why not, fuck it. “Ok.” you whispered out softly, finally meeting Seungcheol’s eyes.

“Ok? Does that mean you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Yes. I’ll have dinner with you. On one condition,” you acquiesced, a soft smirk on your face.

Seungcheol’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing under his blonde fringe. “Anything,” he breathed out, a little too quickly for his liking.

“I get to cuddle with your cat all night. I really miss the animals.” A melancholic look took over your features as you remember the shelter animals.

Seungcheol tried, and failed, to hide a huge grin. “Deal.”

Last night, after you agreed to have dinner with Seungcheol, you played a few more board games, kicking his ass in Monopoly a couple of times, before you said your goodbyes. Seungcheol left the board games at your house, reasoning that he would definitely be back over to avenge himself in Monopoly. You giggled at him as you waved goodbye with the promise of dinner the next night.

It was now 1 o’clock in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and you were starting to panic. Christmas Eve was a hard day for you to get through normally, considering the memories you have of this day. Not only that, but you still couldn’t shake that odd feeling that you had when you woke up yesterday. However, today is even more panic-inducing because you are about to have dinner with your cute neighbor, who you may or may not have a slight (read: huge) crush on. Something you realized late last night as you lay awake in your bed.

You spent a majority of your morning sulking around your cabin, taking more than a few smoke breaks on the deck, and cleaning the kitchen and living room up in your anxiety driven state. Even though you were eating at your neighbor’s house tonight, your own was looking spotless with all your stress cleaning. Now, with nothing left to tidy up, you decide to start getting ready for dinner.

After taking a long, hot shower, you dried and styled your hair, put just enough makeup on to cover your dark bags and sallow skin, and ventured to your room to rummage through your suitcase in order to find something appropriate to wear. You didn’t bring much with you on this trip besides sweatpants and pajamas. It’s not like you would’ve gone anywhere other than the corner store for more cigarettes had you not met Seungcheol.

You eventually decide on a dark pair of jeans that you luckily decided to throw in your suitcase last minute, and an old band t-shirt. You honestly didn’t have much else, and you were hoping Seungcheol understood (he did) you didn’t really plan on seeing anyone these couple of weeks.

A little after four in the afternoon, your anxiety started to build up even more. You were anxiously awaiting Seungcheol’s text to head over to his place, and decided that it was a great time for a smoke. You grabbed Seungcheol’s coat that was draped over your vanity chair, your pack of cigarettes, and your lighter, and headed out towards the deck. You had been so wrapped up in making yourself look presentable, that you had mostly forgotten what day it was, and the dread you usually felt about it. It was nice in a way, but now, sitting out here on your deck, staring out at that damned lake, you couldn’t help but remember why it was you started smoking these stupid cigarettes in the first place.

“YN?” you heard someone call, distant, yet still close? You were confused, you couldn’t open your eyes. Why couldn’t you open your eyes? “YN, can you hear me?” Joshua? Joshua! You thought to yourself. Why couldn’t he hear you!?

For a moment, your eyes fluttered open. You saw Joshua, hovering above you. But there was someone else next to him. They were wearing a uniform. A cop? No. They were wearing latex gloves and holding what looked like an IV bag. “YN!” You heard Joshua yell again, he sounded scared. You desperately wanted to answer him, but your voice wouldn’t come through. You blinked a few times, before everything faded to black again. That was the last memory you had of your brother.

Your cell phone dinged in your pocket, startling you back into the present. You looked at the cigarette in your hand, nearly burned to the butt and you haven’t taken a single drag. Quickly, you brought it up to your lips and inhaled before pulling your phone out of Seungcheol’s coat.

From Seungcheol [4:33 pm]: dinner will be ready in 20, want to head over?

You glanced over to Seungcheol’s house, briefly looking through the only window that didn’t have the curtains drawn. You didn’t see any movement. Had he seen you out here smoking again? You looked back at your phone, taking another drag from the cigarette, before typing out your reply.

From You [4:35 pm]: ya, be right over

You pocketed your phone and put your cigarette out, tossing the butt into the trash can on your way back inside. You locked the sliding glass door before heading to your room to spray some perfume. You didn’t want to go over to Seungcheol’s smelling like smoke, knowing he probably didn’t like the smell regardless of what he said. Before you left, you grabbed your keys, double checked the doors were locked, and walked the short distance between the two houses.

Before you knocked, you took in the state of Seungcheol’s home. It was quaint, smaller than your parent’s cabin, but only slightly, painted white with forest green window sills and roof tiles. You noticed there were planter boxes under his front windows, but no plants to be found in the frigid winter. Hung on his front door was a cute Christmas wreath, plain with pretty burgundy poinsettias on it. You smiled to yourself, happy to see some form of Christmas decorations, not having put any of your own out. You’ve really forgotten how much you used to love Christmas. You loved the decorations, the food, the movies, but you’ve really forgotten what it was like to feel that holiday cheer. Having Seungcheol in your life, even for these few days, has really helped you see what you’ve been missing out on.

Before you could even lift your hand to knock on the dark green door, it was opening to reveal a giddy looking Seungcheol. You took a moment to drink him in, in all his glory. He was wearing some dark jeans, much like you, and a tucked in plain black t-shirt, his muscular biceps on display. You idly wondered if he didn’t dress up on purpose to spare you the embarrassment of not having nice clothes, but the thought disappeared as quickly as it came. His blonde hair, usually a disheveled mess, was combed out and surprisingly shiny, despite what looked like excessive bleaching to reach his desired tone. The moment he saw that you were wearing his coat, a huge bright grin took over his face, causing his doe-like eyes to scrunch in happiness. The look on his face made butterflies erupt in your stomach, as you mirrored his grin.

“Hi,” he said shyly, still smiling.

“Hi yourself,” you breathed, “thank you for having me over.”

He waved away your thanks, moving aside and gesturing for you to come in. “Don’t mention it, really. The pleasure is all mine.” You don’t know the weight those words hold, but he means it, you can tell.

As you walked through the entryway of his home, you pulled off your shoes, setting them on the neatly organized shoe rack next to his front door. Moving through to his living room, you noticed how well organized his entire house was. There was a pristine looking cover over his sofa which also housed a couple of blankets and throw pillows. On his coffee table were a few books and what looked like photo albums. As you took in your surroundings, Seungcheol watched you curiously, one eyebrow cocked. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but you weren’t expecting him to be so… clean? Organized? Your guy friends growing up were never this neat.

“I like to keep things organized, sometimes it can be a bad habit of mine,” he trailed off, reading your mind, looking around his neat space, “dinner is almost done. Do you want something to drink?”

“Yes, please.” You sighed in relief. You were pacified at the thought of having a glass of something to help lessen your nerves. You only knew Seungcheol for the past three days, but for some reason, this almost felt like a first date, despite him never labeling it as such. God, when was the last time you went on a date? It had to have been at least 5 years ago. The thought alone made your anxiety flare up tenfold. It’s not a date. It’s just neighbors having dinner on Christmas Eve because they’re both lonely. Right?

“I have both white and red wine, soda and different types of tea…” you were still standing awkwardly, hands clasped in front of you looking almost like you were afraid to move further into his house. Seungcheol walked up to you, gently taking your hand in his, causing your eyes to snap up, meeting his own. “Hey, it’s ok,” he smiled gently at you, “come on, I’ll get us some drinks.”

He led you into his kitchen which had his dining room attached, a small four person wooden table sitting near a bay window. It was cozy, you thought, somewhere you would like to retire to. Now, that wasn’t a thought you’d had in a long time. You never pondered about growing old anymore, surprise you even made it this far into your life. The thought made you pause for a moment, licking your lips and shaking your head slightly.

Seungcheol let go of your hand to reach into a cabinet by his sink. “Wine ok?” he asked, sensing the tension in your body.

“Y-yes. Red, please.” You weren’t sure why you were being so shy and awkward, you’ve spent the last couple of days getting to know Seungcheol, pretty well you might add. You’ve talked about all kinds of topics, including incredibly deep ones. You think it’s partly to do with what day it is, as Christmas Eve always puts you a little more on edge, and a little more flighty. Seungcheol quietly pours two glasses of red wine, passing one to you politely. You murmur a thank you before taking a sip.

Seungcheol watches you as you sip your wine, looking around his kitchen curiously. He could sense your anxiety, it was rolling off of you in waves. He didn’t want this to be awkward, he wanted to make sure you had a good night, and wanted to take your mind off of things for a while. He figured Christmas Eve was difficult for you, and if your nerves were anything to go by, he was correct in his assumption. “Want to meet Bear?” he asked, hopeful it would help shift your mood a little.

Your eyes lit up at the mention of the cat, and were quickly nodding your head. Seungcheol walked away down the hallway, returning moments later with a fluffy dark brown cat in his arms. “He’s a little shy, but if you give him some time, he’ll warm up to you,” Seungcheol smiled at you, his cheeks puffing up cutely, leading you over to his couch, sitting down with Bear in his lap. Slowly, you sat down too, not wanting to scare the creature, and sat your wine glass on a wooden coaster on the coffee table.

Immediately upon sitting, Bear hopped off Seungcheol’s lap and right into yours. You let out a small, shocked gasp as the cat started kneading into your thighs, making himself comfortable. Seungcheol’s eyes widened as they met you. “H-he never does that. It usually takes him a while to warm up to people. In fact, the first time my friend Mingyu came over, he nearly lost an eye to him.” He chuckled lowly at the memory.

“Animals usually like me,” you said softly, bringing your hand up to run through Bear’s fur. It was long, and extremely fluffy, “I think they know how much I adore them.” Seungcheol watched on as you smiled down at his now purring cat in your lap. For a brief moment, he wondered what it would be like to adopt another cat with you, or maybe even a dog, before lightly shaking his head to rid himself of such thoughts and rising from the couch.

“I’m gonna check on dinner, it should be done soon. You’ll probably be… occupied, until then.” Seungcheol gave you a soft smile, which you returned, before walking off into the kitchen. You leaned back into the soft fabric of the couch, absentmindedly running your hand over Bear.

You could hear the clinking of dishes coming from the kitchen as you loved on Bear. Whatever Seungcheol was cooking smelled absolutely delicious and was making your mouth water. You had only eaten breakfast today, and were on the verge of starving at this point. On top of that, you haven’t had a Christmas meal in ages. You were actually starting to get excited about having dinner with Seungcheol, and you had this purring love bug in your lap, and your glass of wine, to thank. Maybe accepting his invite hadn’t been such a bad thing after all.

“It’s ready!” Seungcheol called from the kitchen, scaring the sleeping cat, causing him to jump up and run off towards the kitchen. “Oh you scaredy cat,” Seungcheol grumbled as Bear slid past him on the floor. You chuckled as you got up from the couch and headed towards the dining table. Upon seeing what Seungcheol had laid out on the table, your eyes widened and you let out a breathy gasp.

“You made all of this?!” You questioned incredulously.

“U-uh, yeah? I told you, I used to cook with my grandma. We always made Christmas dinners together,” he ran his hand through his, now messy, locks, “I still try and cook as much as I can, I actually enjoy it. My friend Mingyu has given me lot’s of pointers, too.” He looked away, blush rising to his cheeks.

You looked at all the different assortments of food Seungcheol had prepared. There was a large skillet that contained beef bulgogi, and smaller dishes that housed kimchi, steamed eggs, japchae, and steamed rice. There were also two bowls of some kind of stew that made your mouth water, “It looks amazing, Seungcheol!” You exclaimed, a genuine smile on your face.

“Well let’s not stare at it all night. Let’s eat!”

You and Seungcheol ate your meal, laughing at each other’s odd Christmas stories from your childhoods. You learned more about his life in Daegu and you told him stories of Jeongyeon and the trouble the two of you got up to in middle school.

You both had another glass of wine with dinner, feeling looser as the night went on. Bear sat close to his owner, tail flicking idly, waiting for scraps of food to be accidentally flung from chopsticks during conversation. According to Seungcheol, the cat loved eggs, a trait he found both odd and endearing. You were so enthralled in conversation with Seungcheol, you barely registered that the food was nearly gone, two glasses of wine downed, and it was nearing midnight already. Sparing a glance at the oven clock, you realized just how late it was getting. “Do you mind…” you started, before hesitating, unsure if you wanted to ask.

“What is it, YN?” Seungcheol encouraged you. He was so kind, always observant, sensing when you needed a little push.

“Would you mind if I went out back to smoke?” You looked away, rubbing your hand up and down your arm, embarrassed that you were about to bring your conversation to and end just because you needed to smoke. Nasty habit, you knew you should quit, but it was hard.

“Oh, of course! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was getting so late,” he started, looking at the clock, getting up from his seat and grabbing dishes, “want me to join you? I can deal with this mess later.”

You grabbed your own plate, following him to the sink and setting it down gently. You hesitated for only a moment before you whispered, “Yeah, I think I’d like that.” You smile at Seungcheol, happy for the company for once.

Seungcheol didn’t have a deck like you, but he had a nice yard with a cute picket fence lining one side. Right off his dining room was a sliding glass door that led to a small concrete patio that was furnished with a couple patio chairs and a fire pit. His land went straight back, down to the lake, just like yours. The only thing separating your properties was a line of shrubs and trees. Seungcheol was busying himself with the fire pit as you sat in one of the chairs. You opened your pack of cigarettes, noticing you only had one left, mentally noting you’d have to run down to the store to grab more tomorrow morning.

As you lit your cigarette, Seungcheol was lighting a small fire with the wood he kept by the backdoor. You idly wondered if he chopped it himself. With how muscular he was it wouldn’t surprise you. It was a small fire he lit, but it was enough to keep you warm in the freezing weather. Instead of sitting down in the chair across from you, like you expected him to, Seungcheol stood in front of you and held his hand out. For a moment, you were confused, until you realized he wanted you to take his outstretched hand. You complied, placing your free hand in his, turning your head to blow out your previous inhale of smoke.

Seungcheol gave you a gentle tug, indicating he wanted you to stand up. As you stood, Seungcheol maneuvered himself behind you, so you were standing directly in front of the fire, as he shakily wrapped his arms around your middle. The feeling of his large hands on your waist was doing things to you in your alcohol hazed state.

“Is this ok?” he asked quietly, lips close to your ear and he set his chin on your shoulder. You nodded slightly, feeling almost dizzy from whatever this feeling was that Seungcheol was causing. You could feel his warm breath on your neck as you took another drag from your cigarette.

“Does the smoke not bother you?” you asked, a little forced, holding the smoke in your lungs.

“I just want to be close to you,” he whispers, pausing for a moment, “YN, I like you.”

You giggled at his comment, releasing the smoke from your chest. “I like you too, Seungcheol.”

“No, YN, I mean I really, really like you.” He was emboldened by the alcohol in his system, not wanting to hold back any longer.

To say you were surprised by his sudden confession would be an understatement. You took a sharp inhale of breath, nearly choking on the cold air, and not because of your cigarette, before Seungcheol began again, “I’m sorry if it’s sudden, or if it’s not what you want to hear right now, but I really need you to know that I enjoy spending time with you, and would love the opportunity to get to know you better, if you’ll allow me.” You tossed the butt of your cigarette into the fire pit, blowing out the final bit of smoke, and hesitantly turned around in Seungcheol’s arms.

Your arms snaked around his shoulder, criss-crossing behind his neck. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the things that go on in my head.” The wine was making you bold too, making you want to tell Seungcheol exactly how you felt. “I’m afraid if you get to know me, you wont like what you find.” Your voice was low, but being so close to you, he had no problem hearing your words.

Seungcheol sighed, looking deep into your eyes that have long since lost their sparkle. “I can’t promise you much, YN. I’m a freelance writer who lives in the middle of nowhere. But what I can promise you, is that whatever I find in you, wont send me running. I know what I’ve already found in you - you’re a sweet, compassionate girl, who in just three days has me falling head over heels,” he breathed, inches away from your face, “I’ve never met anyone like you, YN.” Seungcheol brought his hand from your waist up to your face, the chill making you shudder slightly, ever so gently gracing the back of his fingers against your sharp cheekbone.

You leaned into his touch, not remembering what it was like to be cared for in such a gentle manner. “Seungcheol, I-” you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. You wanted so badly to give in to his sweet words, to let him in and break down your walls for him. You were scared, terrified even, of what that meant. He would learn all about your dark past, your demons, the monsters that threatened to take you down even still. A silent tear trailed down your cheek because of your internal battle.

Seungcheol was quick to swipe it away with his thumb. “You don’t have to say anything back, YN,” his voice barely a whisper, like if he spoke too loud you’d blow away in the cold breeze, “Just promise me one thing?” You made a sound of confirmation, “One more day.”

At that, you broke down in Seungcheol’s strong arms. Your face pushed into his firm chest, tears flowing freely. Sobs wracked your chest and Seungcheol held you, rubbing a hand up and down your back. You weren’t sure, but you think you feel Seungcheol’s chest rising and falling in a rhythm that made it seem like he was crying with you. You didn’t want to chance a look at him, worried it would break you further. You stood there for what felt like an eternity before you calmed enough to pull back from Seungcheol, hands unclasping from behind his back and coming around to fist in the front of his shirt. “Thank you, Seungcheol. Thank you.” You let out a couple more weak sobs, before hugging him as tightly as you could. You didn’t need to explain, Seungcheol understood.

You and Seungcheol stayed wrapped up in each other's arms for the better part of the night, having moved inside to the couch, before you were getting too tired to keep your eyes open. Seungcheol was laying against the back of the couch, you slotted in front of him with his arms around your chest, holding you tightly to him. You let out a small yawn, making Seungcheol smile to himself. “Tired, love?” The nickname made your insides heat, despite how tired you were feeling.

You let out another yawn, bringing your hand up to rub your eyes. “Yeah,” you sighed, “I should probably get going.” You really didn’t want to leave, but you knew you should. You would feel a lot better in the morning if you slept in your own bed, not on this too small couch.

“I’ll walk you home,” Seungcheol offered, standing up from the couch, pulling you with him. You moved to take off his coat before he stopped you with a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” He smiled down at you, running his hand from your shoulder, down your arm, taking your hand in his.

You smiled up at the slightly taller man, blushing profusely. You followed Seungcheol through his home, toeing on your shoes at the front door, hands still intertwined. As promised, Seungcheol walked you to your front porch, waiting until you had entered your house and locked the door before walking back to his own home. Once inside, you leaned your back against the door, head tilting until it hit the glass window pane in the middle of it. You sighed to yourself, feeling lighter than you have in years. You weren’t used to this feeling, and on Christmas Eve of all days. Well… You guessed it was probably Christmas now, with how long you spent laying on Seungcheol’s couch. With that thought in mind, you pulled your phone out from Seungcheol’s coat pocket to check the time. Before you could even register the time, you were stopping in your tracks as what greeted you on your phone screen. When was the last time you checked your phone? You’d been so wrapped up in Seungcheol you don’t recall looking at it all night.

On your lock screen, you saw a missed call. Several, actually. From Joshua.

Your heart stuttered in your chest. Why was he calling you? You haven’t spoken to him in nearly three years. There was no reason for him to be calling you, unless there was some kind of emergency, right? Panicking, you walked further into the cabin, not bothering to take off the coat or your shoes. You sped walked right into your bedroom, eyes glued to your phone the entire time. Should you call him back? You weren’t sure if you wanted to speak to him right now, especially after the wonderful night you had with Seungcheol. But - what if he was calling to apologize, to make things right? Or what if something terrible happened to him? You had to find out.

As you unlocked your phone, you saw the notification for a new voicemail. Hesitantly, you opened your calls app, and clicked on the message from Joshua. You saw it was only about a minute long. Curiosity getting the best of you, you played the message instead of immediately calling him back:

“Y-YN? YN! W-what are you doing baby sister?” you could tell he was drunk from the way he was slurring his words, panic immediately rising in your chest. “Are you at mom and dad’s cabin? Yo-you always did love it there, didn’t you? Loved it so much you even tried ending your own life there!” A sharp laugh came from the phone, causing you to pull it away from your ear for a second. “You know YN, I wish you- you did. I wish I never pulled you out of th-that fucking lake. Then m-maybe I wouldn’t have to relive that God damn nigh-nightmare every fucking n-night YN,” you didn’t want to listen to this anymore, but your morbid curiosity made you keep the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight, hot tears welling up behind your eyelids, “G-go be with mom and dad, it’s what you want right?! I just-” the line cut off, ending the voicemail. You stumbled backwards, back hitting your bedroom door and mirror, making a loud clanging sound. You couldn’t see, lights still off, not having bothered with them when you burst in the room. Stunned, you still had the phone to your ear, other hand coming up to push at your eyes, willing the tears to stop forming. You slid down the back of your bedroom door, finally letting go of your phone, causing it to clatter down to the wood floor. Your breathing was ragged, eyes still glued shut in pain and panic. You were panicking. You haven’t had a panic attack in a couple of years, but you knew the signs. You hugged your knees to your chest and fell over on your side, sobbing into your forearms.

Is that how Joshua, your own brother, really felt all these years? He wished he never saved your life? It shouldn’t be surprising to you, the last memory you have of him is in the back of an ambulance, grief written all over his face. That was the last time you saw him, until he texted you months later after countless missed calls, texts, and emails from you. He told you that you needed help, and that he needed to distance himself from you. Did your actions take such a huge toll on his life, that he wished you were no longer on this planet? In your muddled mind it made sense. He said he’s been reliving the nightmare, pulling you out of that lake must have haunted him. Of course he wanted it to end, why else would he have cut off all contact with you for this long?

You aren’t sure how long you laid on your bedroom floor, sobbing, but it must have been hours. By the time you finally pulled yourself up, you could see the beginnings of morning shining through your window.

You needed to smoke, or drink, or do something to ease this pain. You remembered briefly that you were out of cigarettes, not willing to drive yourself to the store this early in the morning to buy more. Drinking seemed like it would only worsen your pain right now, so you pulled yourself over to your suitcase, tossing it open on your bed. After a few moments of rifling through your things, you found what you were looking for, before heading off into your bathroom.

It was Christmas day. Seungcheol hasn’t been this excited for Christmas since he was a teenager, and his mother was still around to make the holidays special. He hasn’t done much for Christmas since he moved out here. Every once in a while, Mingyu would invite him over for Christmas dinner with his wife a couple towns over, but she was pregnant this year and Seungcheol didn’t want to intrude. Mingyu told him he really didn’t mind, but he insisted it was fine, he could spend this year alone. Except, he wouldn’t be alone now.

Seungcheol was actually excited for Christmas today. Sure, he didn’t have a tree, or presents to give, but he had someone to spend it with. Someone special, which was saying a lot for a recluse like him. Wait until he told Mingyu about this, he would tease him to no end.

It was early, an ungodly hour according to Seungcheol on a normal day, but today was different. As he got out of bed, he startled Bear who shot across the floor, out his bedroom door. He smiled to himself and shook his head lightly. Such a scaredy cat, he thought to himself. Seungcheol planned on making some Christmas cookies, or maybe some rice cakes for today (Mingyu’s recipe, of course), before heading over to your house to spend the day with you. After his late night confession yesterday, Seungcheol was feeling bolder than ever when it came to you, and decided to shoot you a quick text to let you know he was thinking about you.

To YN [7:37 am]: good morning, love

To YN [7:37 am]: I hope it’s ok if I come over in a bit

To YN [7:38 am]: I want to let you sleep in a little longer, but I can’t wait to see you

He pocketed his phone, satisfied with his texts, for now. He assumed you were still sleeping since you were at his last night until well after midnight.

As the morning went on, Seungcheol whipped up traditional rice cakes. By the time he was done, it was nearing nine in the morning, and he was starting to worry slightly that you haven't texted him back. He usually saw you out on your deck having a morning smoke by now, and he had definitely been sneaking glances out his kitchen window to try and catch a glimpse of you. He didn’t see you all morning, which was causing a slight panic to arise in his chest.

By 9:15, Seungcheol couldn’t contain his panic anymore. Something was wrong. He could feel it. You should be awake by now. You always came out for a cigarette by now. Pulling on a coat, Seungcheol put on his slippers, rice cakes long forgotten, as he trudged over to your front door.

He knocked gently at first, not wanting to startle you if you indeed were just sleeping in. No response. This time, Seungcheol knocked on the door a little harder, making enough noise to wake you up without a doubt. He waited a couple of minutes before the feeling in his chest dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. This isn’t right.

Seungcheol walked around the front of your house to peer into your bedroom window. He vaguely remembered the location of it from when he carried you in there the first night you met. He put his hands up to the glass and attached his face to his fingers, looking into your room. He didn’t see you, but what he did see worried him even more. Your bedroom door was wide open and your suitcase was open on your bed. He glanced at the driveway to confirm your car was indeed still there before he ran around to your back deck. Seungcheol was in full panic mode now, seconds away from breaking a window. He sincerely hoped he was overreacting, but after everything you’ve shared with him the past few days, he was suspecting the worse. When he got to your sliding glass door, he attempted to open it, and to his surprise it slid right open. He would have to give you a lecture about locking your doors after he made sure you were ok.

“YN?” he called out, slightly louder than he meant to, panic overtaking him, “YN? Love? Are you in here?” Seungcheol walked through your living room hesitantly, almost scared of what he might find. He didn’t see any sign of you, so he trudged down the hallway leading to your bedroom. “YN!?” His voice was starting to become panicked the longer he couldn’t find you. “YN please,” he sighed out, realizing wherever you were you probably weren’t hearing him. He peeked into your room one more time to make sure you really weren’t in there. He didn’t find you, but what he did find was your cellphone, laying on the floor with a cracked screen. Seungcheol tilted his head as he knelt down to pick the phone up. It lit up with the movement, showing him the missed texts from himself, and missed calls from… Joshua? Oh no. “No. No, no, no” Seungcheol whispered to himself. This couldn't be good. He pocketed your phone, making his way further down the hallway. He saw light coming from underneath one of the closed doors and immediately started banging on it. “YN!? YN are you in there? Please love, open the door!” Seungcheol tried turning the door handle, unsurprised when he found it locked. “YN I will break this door down!” He threatened, terrified beyond belief at what he would find when he did.

With one sharp inhale of air, Seungcheol grabbed onto the door handle and shoved his shoulder into the door. Once, twice, and on the third hit it popped open, breaking the doorframe in the process. Seungcheol ignored the stinging pain in his shoulder as soon as he saw your prone form on the bathroom floor, empty pill bottle in the sink. The air left Seungcheol’s lungs as he knelt down next to your head, gently cradling your head in his hands, setting it in his lap. “YN?! No, no! YN!” He was frantically trying to get his phone out of his pocket and unlocked. “YN, honey, please. Please wake up, please. YN you promised. You promised me YN!” his cries were frantic, tears streaming down his face, “You promised me! Please YN!” he begged you to wake up, to be alive, terrified he would never see your eyes light up or your beautiful smile again. Hot tears streamed onto his phone as he dialed for emergency services.

Seungcheol sat in the waiting area of the emergency room, speaking quietly into the phone, fingers playing with a frayed edge of his t-shirt. “I don’t know, Mingyu, they won't tell me anything.” He hadn’t stopped crying since he found you on your bathroom floor, now just letting silent tears roll down his cheeks as he waited for any news.

“You’re telling me, you met some girl four days ago, have been spending all your time with her, and you find her, half alive on her bathroom floor? What kind of mess are you getting yourself into Seungcheol? You’ve never been the type to take an interest in girls, much less ones you barely know!” Mingyu half-yelled through the phone. Seungcheol understood why Mingyu was worried, he really did, but he was just looking for some kind of anchor right now to keep him grounded.

“Gyu, please,” Seungcheol barely whimpered into the phone, lip trembling, “I l- I don’t want to lose her.” He wasn’t ready to say the words yet, not when he wasn’t sure if you were even going to make it.

Mingyu heaved a heavy sigh, obviously frustrated with the situation. “I’m really sorry, hyung. I wish I could tell you she was going to be alright, she’s - what was her name again?”

“YN.”

“Right, YN. From what you’ve told me, it seems like you got to her before it was too late, right? I’m sure everything will be fine. You said they’re pumping her stomach now, I’m sure it won't be much longer before you have more answers,” Mingyu sounded like he wanted to add on to that, but thought better of it, “Do you need me to come by? Eunha is at her parents house right now, I hung back to talk to you, I don’t mind-”

“Mingyu, no. It’s fucking Christmas. I’m sorry for taking you away-” he sniffled harder, “away from your family.” The dam is broken now, Seungcheol was unable to stop the tears from flowing, sobs wracking his small frame.

Mingyu’s heart broke at the sound of his oldest friend’s tears. He didn’t mind leaving his wife for a few hours, he knew she was safe with her parents, probably about to start working on dinner for tonight. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, hyung. Hang in there.”

Seungcheol let out a shaky sigh, looking down at his now black phone screen. He felt like he was underwater, like his heart was beating in his ears. He could vaguely hear the chatter of the nurses and people in the waiting room, but his sole focus was on the pounding in his chest and the sinking feeling in his gut. All he could think about was you; what drove you to this? What could he have done differently last night to ensure your safety? Why was your brother calling you insistently throughout the morning? Most importantly, were you going to be ok? He didn’t want to think about that right now, couldn’t think about that right now, unless he wanted the hospital to have to admit him, too.

Before Seungcheol could spiral any further, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see his younger friend, dressed in gray sweats and a loose black pullover. Mingyu had a sad look in his eyes, not pity, but heartache at the pain his friend was feeling. Mingyu squatted down in front of Seungcheol, his tall stature making them eye level, hand still on his shoulder, “Hey man. Any news?” He asked, solemnly.

Seungcheol shook his head slightly, trying to collect himself enough to utter a few words. “No. Nothing.” Seungcheol squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop, just for a moment. His effort was all in vain, as Mingyu took hold of Seungcheol’s hand, pulling him up into the taller man’s chest, embracing him. Seungcheol’s smaller frame seemed tiny in this moment, shoulders shrunk in on themselves, as Mingyu hugged the broken man.

“Why don’t you tell me about her?” Mingyu whispered to Seungcheol, rubbing a hand up and down his back comfortingly. “We can grab some coffee and you can tell me all about her.” Mingyu wanted to get Seungcheol away from this waiting room full of curious eyes, and wanted him to relax a little. He knew he was going to want to see you as soon as you were in the clear, and he wanted to make sure he was in a good enough state to do so. He could feel Seungcheol nod against his chest, pulling away but still keeping one arm around the shorter man’s shoulders.

Seungcheol and Mingyu sat at a quiet table in the corner of the hospital cafeteria, nursing two black coffees. Seungcheol was staring out of the window to his right, not really paying attention to what Mingyu was saying.

“Seungcheol, do you want to talk about it? How did you guys even meet?”

Seungcheol gave a small shrug, “She’s been visiting every year since I moved into my grandma’s house. I just now finally built up the courage to say hi. She seemed sad.” had a permanent frown in his brow.

“So you wanted to say hello because she seemed sad?” Mingyu seemed unconvinced, still confused at his hyung’s actions, being so out of the ordinary for Seungcheol.

“Yes, Gyu, what more do you want from me?” Seungcheol shot the younger man a glare from where he sat across from him.

Mingyu leaned back slightly, holding his hands up in a pacifying manner. “Hey, hey, man. I just want to hear about her, want you to tell me about her. That’s all.” He said in a hushed tone.

Seungcheol looked down at his coffee, focusing on the small billows of steam rising from it. “I’m sorry - I just -” he looked up at Mingyu, unshed tears threatening to fall again, “She’s perfect, you know? She doesn’t deserve any of this pain. She’s lost her parents, her brother, basically everyone who cared about her. I just wanted to- to be someone she could lean on,” he blinked rapidly, trying to rid the tears before adding on, “I think I love her, Gyu.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, nodding his head. “I support you Seungcheol, you know that. I always will.” Seungcheol nodded at this. He knew it, would never forget it. Him and Mingyu had been through so much together, that’s why he was the first person Seungcheol called when he got to the hospital this morning. “What do you think happened that caused her to do this?”

Seungcheol bit his lip, remembering he had your phone tucked away in his pocket still. He slid it out, setting it on the tabletop between him and Mingyu. “I’m not sure… but I think it has something to do with her brother calling her.” As if he was summoned, Joshua’s name appeared on the small screen, phone vibrating so violently it moved a little across the table, the sound loud in the silence of the room. He’d been calling all morning, and from what Seungcheol could gather from your lock screen, all night, too. It wasn’t his place to go through your phone, or to answer the calls from your brother, especially if him calling had anything to do with your current condition.

“Are you going to answer him?” Mingyu hesitantly asked, looking from the phone, to Seungcheol, and back again as the vibrating faded out.

Seungcheol shook his head quickly, causing a sharp pain to shoot through his temple. He really needed to stop crying, he thought. “No. What if he’s the reason she’s here in the first place?”

“He’s her brother right? Her family?” Mingyu started, seeing Seungcheol nod in confirmation he continued, “don’t you think he should know his sister is in the hospital for attempted suicide?”

Seungcheol scoffed. He was bitter, but part of him knew Mingyu was right. He’s still her family, after all. Would it be the right thing to do, to tell him you’re here? Would he even want to see you? From what you’ve told Seungcheol about your brother, he doesn’t think so. “He left her the last time it happened, hasn’t spoken to her since,” Seungcheol mumbled, almost too quietly for Mingyu to hear, “I’m not sure he would even care.”

Mingyu pursed his lips. He doesn’t know you, nor is he going to pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Seungcheol knew you better than he did, so he was going to take Seungcheol’s word for it. “Want to head back up? See if there’s any news?” Seungcheol nodded, looking down at the floor. The both grabbed their to-go cups and headed towards the elevators.

Pain. Seething hot pain in your throat, that’s all you mind was focusing on right now. Your vision was black, and no matter how hard you tried to make a sound, nothing would come out. It felt like a thousand hot knives were forcing themselves down your esophagus, blocking any air flow. You were suffocating, this must be what it feels like to die, right? Because the last thing you remember was laying down on the cool tile floor of your bathroom after you swallowed your entire bottle of antidepressants. The pain in your throat must be from the excessive amount of pills you downed, right? Nothing else could explain this excruciating pain. You were obviously being punished for taking fate into your own hands. That was the only reasonable explanation you could come up with in your current state of mind.

“She’s waking up!”

Wait. Why can you hear people? If there were people around, were you alive?

“Administer more Propofol, she needs to be unconscious for this.”

No. No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You were supposed to be gone. You wanted to be gone, but right now all you could think about now was making this pain stop. You silently prayed that whoever was helping you would make this pain go away as quickly as possible.

Seungcheol was leaning on Mingyu’s firm shoulder, both sitting on ugly plastic green chairs in the hospital waiting room. A nurse had informed Seungcheol that you were out of the operating room, and were moved to a more private ward of the hospital to recover. He wasn’t allowed in yet, as they wanted to monitor you a little while longer to make sure you were out of the woods. They explained to him that the first few hours after an overdose were the most crucial if there was any hope of the brain recovering if there was any damage.

Seungcheol was distraught, to say the least. Torn between calling Joshua and waiting. He knew you didn’t have your parents anymore, knew that you and your brother didn’t speak, despite the 100 plus missed calls on your phone that said otherwise. He wasn’t sure if you had any friends back home in Busan, but from what you’ve told him, he guessed you didn’t. He remembers you telling him about Jeongyeon and how she moved to the States, so he figured she was out of the question as well. He was worried that you wouldn’t remember what happened when you woke up, and you would be confused and scared, alone in the hospital. He thought about calling your brother, just so you’d have a familiar face to wake up to, but the devil on his shoulder wouldn’t let him make the call. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that if you did, in fact, remember what happened, the last person you’d want to see is Joshua.

Mingyu was deathly silent, texting his wife and family updates about you and Seungcheol. Despite not knowing Seungcheol well, or you at all, Mingyu and his entire extended family took an interest in your well-being. Mingyu told them how you had no family, and they completely understood why he was missing Christmas dinner, being the kind and caring people Seungcheol knew them to be. Especially Eunha, he was honored to be able to call her a sister, just as he was to call Mingyu his chose brother. Seungcheol felt bad for keeping him, but Mingyu reassured him over and over again, this is where he wants to be right now.

“Mr. Choi?” a mouse-like voice called from the circular desk at the center of the waiting area.

Seungcheol shot ramrod straight in his seat, eyes searching for the voice. A short, dark-haired woman who looked to be around Seungcheol’s age, was making her way towards him. She had a sweet smile on her face, which only minutely lessened Seungcheol’s worries.

“Mr. Choi?” She asked again, hesitantly. She waited for Seungcheol’s grunt in confirmation before continuing, “I don’t have anyone listed as Miss Y/LN’s next of kin, so since you were the one who brought her here, would you like an update on her status?” He voice was kind and soft, respectful of the environment they were currently in.

Seungcheol cleared his throat lightly, “Ye-yes, of course. Yes.” He stuttered out, standing up and moving towards the kind nurse. He glanced over his shoulder at Mingyu, who gave him a small smile, encouraging him to go with the lady.

“I’ll be fine, do what you need to do,” Mingyu waved him off.

The young nurse nodded and turned around, walking back towards the desk. Seungcheol trailed after her like a lost puppy, waiting for answers. “Mr. Choi, we’re going to be keeping Miss Y/LN here at the hospital for a few days. She’s been put under suicide watch for 72 hours, as is protocol with cases like these,” Seungcheol nodded solemnly, understanding the severity of the situation, “I see you listed on her intake paperwork that this wasn’t her first attempt. Is that right?”

Seungcheol nodded his head. He didn’t like sharing your personal stories with this stranger, but he understood it was going to help them better care for you, which is all he wanted. “Yes. She had attempted… yeah. Three years ago.”

The woman nodded her head, writing something on the clipboard she now held in her hands. “Thank you, Mr. Choi. We’re going to continue to monitor her, but her vitals are looking good, and there are no outward signs of brain damage right now. This could change however, as once she’s awake and alert, her doctor will want to do another brain scan.”

Seungcheol nodded, just glad you were alive and breathing.

“She’s not awake yet, the sedatives are still wearing off, but they’ve removed intubation and she’s resting,” Seungcheol winced at this fact, “would you like to see her?”

Seungcheol’s eyes finally met the small nurses after staring daggers into the hospital linoleum. “I can see her?”

The woman gave a short nod and a gentle smile. “Of course. I can tell you care a lot about her. She’s very lucky to have you, sir.”

Seungcheol nodded, looking down again. He didn’t feel very lucky, and didn’t think you would either right about now. But he accepted the compliment anyway.

“Follow me.”

Seungcheol followed the lady back through two industrial looking double doors, past sterile smelling hospital rooms and nurses and doctors moving rapidly up and down the corridors. Seungcheol always hated hospitals, they reminded him of when his mother and his grandmother passed away. He was so hyper focused on walking, he barely heard her when the nurse spoke again. “Before you go in, it’s best to take a moment to prepare yourself for what you’re going to see. It can be really hard to see a loved one in this state, so I’m here to answer any questions you may have,” she advised kindly as she came to a stop outside your room. Seungcheol’s stomach fluttered at the mention of you being his ‘loved one’ and he mentally scolded himself. This nurse had no idea about the strange dynamic that is your relationship, if you could even call it that.

Seungcheol shook his head lightly, indicating he didn’t have any questions, at least, not for her. She gave one nod of her head, before clutching her clipboard to her chest. “My name is Mina, I’m the hospital’s care coordinator, please let me know if you need anything. I wish you the best, Mr. Choi.” She said as she walked away.

Seungcheol took a deep breath through his mouth, exhaling slowly through his nose. He wasn’t prepared to see you in a hospital bed, but his excitement at seeing you alive was overtaking his senses right now. He slowly pushed the door to your room open, taking two hesitant steps through the threshold. His eyes immediately scanned the room, falling over your fragile, but breathing, body. As Seungcheol quietly shut the door behind him, tears automatically started falling down his cheeks, silent sobs wracking his chest. He swiftly closed the gap between him and your bed, lip trembling, and took your cold, limp hand in his. He didn’t even bother pulling one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs with him, he just knelt on the floors, kneecaps be damned. He wasn’t sure how he was going to react when he saw you, he knew he would feel relief at knowing you were alive, but he didn’t expect to be quite so overcome with emotion. He definitely didn’t expect to feel intense happiness at the fact that he could hold you again. You had no idea the effect you had on him, and in only four short days.

You laid on the hospital bed, dressed in one of those white, scratchy hospital gowns. Your eyes were even more sunken in than Seungcheol remembers, skin sallow and taking on an almost sickly green color. Your hair was a mess, and Seungcheol inwardly cursed the nurses for not at least brushing through it for you. Your arm was bruised purple and green at the crease of your elbow where your IV now sat. Your bottom half was covered by a thick blue blanket that looked a little itchy. Seungcheol grabbed the top of the blanket with his free hand, moving it up farther on your body, tucking it lightly at your far side. Even in this state, you looked beautiful to him. Despite what has taken place over the last 12 or so hours, he was still enraptured by you and your beauty.

Seungcheol brought your bony hand up to his face, placing a soft, lingering kiss on the back of your knuckles. He vaguely registered that it was your first ‘kiss’. He would need to make up for that later, once you were home and safe. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, and his heart hurt. He didn’t have any more tears to cry, just silent sobs as he laid his forehead on your cold hand.

Eventually Mingyu made his way up to your room, after being informed by Mina that Seungcheol was up there with you. He knocked softly on the door twice before opening it and entering. Seungcheol was still knelt on the floor by your bed. Mingyu sighed and knelt down next to him

“She’s gonna be ok hyung,” Mingyu started, placing his hand on Seungcheol’s back, “you should rest before she wakes up.”

Seungcheol nodded, allowing Mingyu to pull a chair over for him before sitting down in it, never letting go of your hand. Mingyu sat in a chair a little bit behind Seungcheol, making sure the older man knew he was there for support. They sat in silence like that for a while before Seungcheol started to feel drowsy, eyes falling shut and drifting into a fitful sleep, forehead pressed to your bed.

You slowly blinked your eyes open, squinting from the bright lights above you. An intense smell of bleach hit your nose causing your throat to constrict and burn. The burn. It was still there, but dulled from last time you remember. You closed your eyes again, squeezing them shut in pain as you tried to swallow, causing a small, yet hoarse, whimper to emit from your throat.

Immediately, Seungcheol’s head shot up at the sound of you. He started rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand, still clutched in his. “YN,” he whispered, standing from his seated position, moving even closer to your body.

You blinked your eyes a few times before looking up at Seungcheol. He could see the pain in your eyes with the way they were scrunched up cutely at the sides. You brought your hand to your throat subconsciously and Seungcheol knew what you meant. He grabbed the pitcher of water from your bedside table and poured you a cup, passing it to you. You silently thanked him with a nod of your head and started gulping down the water. Seungcheol sat back down and watched you carefully. He heard Mingyu stand from behind him, dimmed the lights, having watched how you were squinting your eyes, and quietly left the room to give you both some privacy. Seungcheol reminded himself to thank him profusely later for the man’s foresight, but right now his focus was on you.

You finished the cup of water and Seungcheol took it from your hand and set it back on the side table. “YN,” he whispered again, bringing his hand up to brush against your cheek, “you’re ok.” He smiled at you, genuinely smiled for the first time since last night. He was so beyond happy to see you, alive and well in front of him.

You had a million thoughts running through your mind right now, and Seungcheol could tell by the panic stricken look flashing in your eyes. He soothingly rubbed his hand up and down your arm that was free of any tubes. “It’s ok, love,” he comforted, “I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or if you don’t I’ll sit here with you in silence. You don’t need to explain yourself. I’m just happy you’re ok.” He smiled at you, and even though you could feel the love radiating off of him, you felt sick to your stomach.

How could Seungcheol still want to be by your side after what you had done? How could he still want to comfort you when you were like this? You broke your promise to him. You had a lot of questions, but there was one at the forefront of your mind. “Did you find me?” Your voice was rough from the intubation tube, which you guessed was the reason for your throat burning before. You looked away from Seungcheol when you asked, not being brave enough to meet his eye, in fear of what you might find.

He sighed lightly, almost inaudibly. “Yes.” You could tell without even looking at him that he was choking up, on the verge of tears. At the sound of his voice, you let your own hot tears roll down your cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away, eyes still not meeting his. A large hand immediately came up to wipe them away. “Hey, don’t cry, love,” he whispered, “I’m not mad, I’m not upset. These are happy tears, I promise.”

“I’m not happy,” you sniffled, “I’m sorry, Seungcheol, that you had to see me like that.” You brought your own hand up to your face to wipe at your nose.

“YN, I don’t care about that. I swear to you, all that matters to me now is you. I want to keep you safe, want to help you fight this battle so you don’t have to do it alone. You have me, all of me.” His words were so sincere, so loving, you spared a glance at him, and the moment your eyes met, you knew he meant everything that he said. Even in your current state, he sent butterflies erupting throughout your stomach. You took in his face for a moment, red and puffy, tear stained cheeks, but his eyes were happy. You felt safe with him. You knew you’d have to talk about what all this means later, explain to him why you did what you did, but for now, you just wanted to be in his presence.

Seungcheol sat with you for the next few hours, texting Mingyu to head home to his family, apologizing profusely for keeping him away on Christmas. You didn’t talk much, just offering sweet smiles when Seungcheol would check to make sure you were doing ok. Like the nurse told Seungcheol earlier, your doctor came in to take you for a brain scan and to run some other tests. Seungcheol waited patiently in your room while you were being tested.

When you returned, the doctor checked your vitals again, before letting you both know that he would be back in the morning to run some more tests, and give you the results of the brain scan. You both thanked him quietly before he wished you a merry Christmas, and took his leave.

Alone again with Seungcheol, you felt his calm aura wash over you. “Thank you,” you whispered quietly into the dim room, “I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas,” you said with a slight frown.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Seungcheol assured, walking over to your bed and sitting next to you, “There is no place I’d rather be than by your side.”

Just as Seungcheol finished his sentence, a violent buzzing resounded through the room. Seungcheol’s eyes went wide as dinner plates as he realized your phone was still in his pocket. Hesitantly, he brought it out of the back of his jeans and showed you what was on the screen.

You flinched when you saw your cell phone. You knew you’d have to confront Joshua and Seungcheol about what happened sooner or later, but you were really hoping it would be the latter. You reached out for your phone, pushing the red decline button. Seungcheol looked at you with an unreadable expression as you let the phone fall to your side onto the bed.

You sighed, looking at Seungcheol, lips pursed. “Go ahead, you can ask me,” you offered, rubbing a hand down the front of your face.

Seungcheol looked sheepishly at you. Of course he wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t want to push you to tell him or to relive whatever it was that pushed you that far in the first place. His curiosity got the better of him as he chewed his lip raw. “What happened?” His voice was barely a whisper, the beeping of the equipment in the hospital room almost enough to mask it.

“Joshua was calling me, I guess, while we were having dinner last night,” you wrung your hands together, trying to warm them up in the frigid temperature in your room, “I didn’t think to check my phone until after you walked me home.” Seungcheol reached over to stop your ministrations, cupping both your hands in his and blowing warm breath between them. You smiled slightly at his thoughtful actions before continuing, “He was drunk, I think. I don’t know if he even realized what he said, but - but he left me a voicemail,” your voice was getting quieter the further into your story you got, “he said he wished I had succeeded three years ago, that he wished he never saved me.” Your words shocked Seungcheol, hell they shocked you. You still couldn’t believe that Joshua said those things. The mere thought almost sending you into another panic attack.

Seungcheol was seething. He had his suspicions that this was your brother’s doing, but he didn’t expect those words to fall from your mouth. He gripped your hands just a little bit together as he brought the back of them to his lips, forcing his emotions down. Seungcheol bit down hard on his tongue to stop him from saying exactly what he wanted to say about your idiot brother, but he knew that you were still hurting, still recovering, and didn’t want to upset you or hurt you even further.

“YN - I’m sure he was just drunk,” he starts, before he realizes that the man who calls himself your brother has no excuse for what he said to you, “that does not, and I mean does not, give him an excuse to treat you like that, but you literally haven’t heard from him in what? Three years?” You nodded your head, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. Seungcheol gently reached up and thumbed at your bottom lip, pulling it away from the assault of your teeth before continuing, “He’s called you over a hundred times since last night. I haven’t answered, he doesn’t know you’re here, as far as I know. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t want to talk to him, I will support you, but I also think it would be good for you to get closure from him. Even if that means cutting him out of your life.”

You nodded slowly, taking in Seungcheol’s words. You knew he was right. You didn’t want to go through life wondering if Joshua really meant what he said, if he was sorry, if he still thinks about you. You decided to table the conversation for now. It’s not doing anyone any good stressing yourself out about it. First, you needed to have a serious conversation with Seungcheol about what exactly was happening between the two of you. You didn’t want there to be any questions when you went home from the hospital, wanted to feel secure in the choices you were about to make.

“Seungcheol?”

“Yes, darling.” Seungcheol said cooly, still holding onto your hands. He was doing that a lot today and you definitely weren’t complaining.

“What is this?” You pulled one of your hands gently from Seungcheol’s grasp and gestured half-assedly between you both.

Seungcheol’s brow furrowed momentarily before smoothing out and giving you a soft look and grabbing your escaped hand again. “YN - I - I don’t know what you’re expecting,” here it goes, you thought, he’s going to reject you. He’s going to say that this was all too much and he’s only here because he feels guilty. “I really didn’t want to do this here, while you’re lying in a hospital bed,” he scoffs lightly, shaking his head. Your heart drops. Is he really going to leave like this? You bite both your lips between your teeth, looking away to brace yourself for what he’s about to say. “YN, I think I’m in love with you.”

Your head shoots up so quickly you think you might have whiplash. Seungcheol giggles quietly at your reaction, bright smile on display for a moment. “W-what?” Is the dignified answer you sputter out.

This time, Seungcheol is looking you directly in the eyes when he says, “I love you, YN. I know it’s only been a few days since we met, but I already can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t care what hurdles we have to get past, I don’t care about all your baggage that you seem to think will scare me away, and I definitely don’t care that you seem to think you aren’t worth it. I know you’re worth it, you’re worth all of it.” Before you could form a response, Seungcheol is standing up from his chair, wrapping both arms around your small frame and bending a little awkwardly to pull you up slightly to a sitting position. A beat passes before you realize he’s trying to hug you, and you quickly wrap your arms around his neck the best you can while attached to all the wires and tubes. Seungcheol nuzzles into your hair, which you think is probably a horrid mess right now, and whispered close to your ear, “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I thought I lost you forever, that’s the biggest absence I could’ve felt from you. It made me realize I never want to let you go again.” He pulls back slightly, placing the softest kiss to your cheek before placing his forehead against yours.

You looked up at him through your now wet lashes, and you don’t even have to think about your next words, “I love you too, Seungcheol. You make me feel safe. Something I haven’t felt in a really, really long time.” You choked out the last couple of words, tears making their way down your cheeks now. “I’m so sorry I put you through this, I’m so sorry I broke my promise.” You were sobbing again.

“Shh,” he shushes you quietly against your hair, “It’s okay, love. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. Whatever we need to work through, we will. Together.”

“Thank you Seungcheol, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, YN. I just want to see you continue living your life.”

You sniffled, pulling back from Seungcheol to give him a smile. “Merry Christmas, Seungcheol.”

“Merry Christmas, my love.”

You were stuck in the hospital for the mandatory three days after Christmas, something you were unfortunately familiar with. During that time they ran multiple tests to make sure you didn’t have any lasting damage and you met with two different therapists. Sadly, you knew and understood these procedures, as this wasn’t the first time you went through them. The second therapist you met with suggested putting you on a different antidepressant from the ones you had before, along with an anti-anxiety medication for at least the next few weeks to get you through the holidays.

Seungcheol stayed with you almost the entire time (aside from going home to check on Bear and to shower), sleeping on two chairs pushed together, despite you inviting him up on your bed multiple times. He refused on the grounds of ‘I don’t want my first time in bed with you to be at the hospital’, to which you rolled your eyes at. He brought back Uno to play with you at the hospital and even picked up some chicken from the restaurant you like instead of the hospital food you complaied about every night. Seungcheol had really lightened your mood over the last few days, mixed with the new medications, you were almost feeling back to your ‘normal’ self, or at least as normal as you could be.

You and Seungcheol had decided that it would be best if you took at least one more week off work to recover after the new year, and Seungcheol was quick to offer to stay with you at your cabin, or have you come stay with him at his, enticing you with Bear cuddles. Eventually you decided on alternating between the two houses to give you a little reprieve from the memories your cabin will inevitably bring back. Neither of you were dim, you both knew being at the hospital was like a vacation away from your demons. When you stepped foot back in that house, you would likely struggle, at least a little bit more than you are here. The second therapist you saw not so gently indicated to Seungcheol that you shouldn’t be left alone, to which he cooly agreed without making you feel too embarrassed.

Being on bed rest for a few days, on top of having your stomach pumped, really did a number on your muscles. You were consistently sore, and were almost too weak to walk on your own. Seungcheol was quite the gentleman, massaging your calves when they hurt and walking you to the bathroom when you needed it. You felt lucky to be loved by him. You wanted to be able to show him just how much you could love him in return, and made a mental note to do just that once you recovered.

On your second night in the hospital, a man by the name of Mingyu came by to check on you and Seungcheol. He introduced himself as Seungcheol’s best friend and you learned he was married with a baby due in just a few weeks. He was kind and handsome, just like Seungcheol. You also found out that he had stayed with Seungcheol at the hospital, on Christmas, while you were unconscious. You vehementaly apologized to the man, getting into a bowing battle while you were sitting on the edge of your bed, while he refused your apologies. You decided you really liked Mingyu and his dorky and aloof personality and were glad Seungcheol had such a great friend to be there for him.

You were finally being released on December 28th into Seungcheol’s care, something he wasn’t going to take lightly. The hospital made him sign paperwork saying he would keep an eye on you, ensuring someone was always with you for the next two weeks. While it made you feel slightly like a teenager again, you couldn’t deny that you probably needed it, and were just thankful it was Seungcheol who would be the one watching over you and not your idiot brother.

It was nearing seven in the evening, well past sunset, when Seungcheol rolled your wheelchair, another accommodation you tried to fight, out to his car. He helped you into the front seat, making sure you were comfortable before strapping you in with the seatbelt, closing the door, and jogging to the driver’s side.

Seungcheol clapped his hands together and rubbed them furiously together for a moment. “It’s freezing! Let’s get you home, baby!” He flashed you a bright smile before starting the engine.

You giggled at his antics and felt your cheeks heat at the pet name, covering your mouth with your hand. You were feeling pretty good on the drive home, Seungcheol looking over at you every couple of minutes to make sure you were alright and the heater was warm enough. You had lost a bit more weight in the hospital and your limbs were exceptionally cold. You were curled up in the passenger seat watching the trees zoom past the window. Sometime during the drive, Seungcheol reached over across the center console and placed his large hand over your knee, the warmth seeping through the leggings you were wearing. You glanced over at him, softly smiling at eachother, and placed your much smaller hand over his, intertwining your fingers together.

The drive wasn’t long back to your cabin, maybe twenty minutes, but in those twenty minutes, you grew excited. Excited to spend time with Seungcheol tonight, to lay with each other in your bed, excited for the future for what felt like the first time since your parents passed. You pictured your parents for a moment, a fleeting thought, what would they think of Seungcheol? You wish they could’ve met him. You’re sure your mom would have loved his kind nature and his ability to cook. Your dad would have liked that he had good manners and was always a gentleman. You turned your head to look out the window, smiling sadly to yourself. You were sad they were gone, of course, but you were also happy in this moment and you didn’t want your memories to subtract from that.

“Almost home, love.” Seungcheol said, squeezing your knee. You didn’t realize you had just about dozed off, head leaning on the window. You pulled your hand away from Seungcheol’s to rub at your eyes briefly. “Uh, YN?” You looked up at Seungcheol in confusion, his tone almost panicked. “Whose car is that?”

Your eyes immediately found the car in question, a sleek, black sports car, parked behind your crappy silver sedan in the cabin’s driveway. It only took you a moment to realize by the custom license plate ‘1230’ that it was your brother’s.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as Seungcheol turned into his own driveway. He could tell by your reaction, you didn’t want to see the owner of that car.

“My brother.”

It took you a good thirty minutes of pacing Seungcheol’s kitchen and countless encouragements from the man himself to build up the courage to go over to your cabin. You had so many questions; why was Joshua here? How long had he been there? How did he get in? You know you had the locks changed in the last three years since the incident. What confused you the most though, is the fact that his calls completely stopped after Christmas day. You had assumed that he had given up trying to contact you and went on with his life, but apparently he had different plans. Had he been here the entire time? Why had the calls stopped? You had more questions than answers as you paced around.

“Are you ready baby?” Seungcheol asked you from the kitchen, standing up from pouring food into Bear’s bowl.

“I really don’t know, Seungcheol,” you twisted your wrist in your other hand, a nervous habit, “What if he’s here to yell at me again?” You stomach was doing flips thinking of all the things Joshua might have to say to you. Of all the things you had to say to him.

“YN, I really don’t think he blew your phone up for a day and then drove all the way out here to yell at you,” Seungcheol started softly, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, “and besides, if he is here to yell at you, I’ll be right by your side the entire time. You know I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, right?” His voice and his deep brown eyes were so sincere that your brain couldn’t help but cave.

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh. Seungcheol smiled at you and pinched your chin between his thumb and his forefinger, brought your face up to meet his gently, and placed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fell shut and you felt all the tension in your body flow out of you at once. This man really did have an immense effect on you, and you were thankful for that in this moment. “It’s now or never, I guess.”

You and Seungcheol walked hand in hand over to your cabin, standing at your front door, you hesitated before unlocking it. Seungcheol squeezed your hand as a silent gesture to let you know he was with you. You took a few cautious steps into the house, silently looking around the open living room. No sign of Shua yet.

As you stepped around the corner, you could hear faint rustling coming from one of the rooms. “Shua?” You called gently, probably not quite loud enough for anyone to hear. “Joshua?” You called a little louder. The rustling stopped. Now you heard quick footsteps, loud clumsy footsteps that you could never mistake having lived with them for a majority of your life, heading in your direction. You stood half in front of Seungcheol, your hand still intertwined with his behind your back waiting for your brother to appear.

Joshua stumbled out of his old bedroom, looking not at all what you expected him to look like. He was wearing an old pair of black sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that you think once had your father’s college alumni printed on it. His light ash brown hair, that’s new, was disheveled and sticking out in every direction, looking like he had run his hand through it at least a thousand times. But what shocked you the most, was the pure panic in his eyes. As soon as his eyes met yours, the panic seemed to dissipate, though it didn’t completely disappear. He rushed over to you, placing both his large hands on the tops of your shoulders, startling you and causing you to bump into Seungcheol behind you.

“YN - Oh my god, YN,” Joshua started to sob, head dropping down onto your shoulder. You felt Seungcheol let go of your hand and placed both of his hands on your waist, holding you steady against his chest. “Thank God you’re ok! Where the hell have you been!?” Joshua was full on crying into your shoulder now, tears staining Seungcheol’s sweatshirt he had let you wear home from the hospital. You were still pretty weak on your legs from the bedrest, so you started to wobble a bit from the pressure Joshua was putting on you.

You started to bring your hand up to lightly push back from Joshua to maintain your balance, bracing yourself against Seungcheol. Joshua looked at you with confusion in his eyes, before he glanced up seemingly noticing the blonde man behind you for the first time.

“Who the hell are you?” Joshua demanded, though he didn’t sound very threatening with tears flowing down his face.

“I-” Seungcheol started, but you cut him off, feeling suddenly defensive of the man behind you. You knew your brother’s anger, you were intimately familiar with it and Seungcheol deserved none of it.

“My boyfriend,” you started, causing Seungcheol’s eyes to widen slightly. It’s not that he didn’t like the new title, he was just shocked, hearing it come from you. “Why are you here, Shua?”

“Boy- boyfriend? YN what is going on? Is that where you’ve been? Sleeping around with him?” You furrowed your brow, mouth dropping open. Was he drunk again?

“Are you fucking drunk again, Joshua?!” You started to raise your voice, attempting to pull away from Seungcheol, but he wasn’t letting you move any further, worried for both you and your brother at this point. He’s never heard you raise your voice, and if he’s being honest, it’s rather intimidating.

“Yeah YN, I am! I drove 3 hours down to this God forsaken cabin last night to find my baby sister missing, nowhere to be found with the front door wide open and an empty bottle of pills in the bathroom. How the fuck do you think I was supposed to deal with this?!” He was near screaming at this point. Well, the door explains how Joshua got into the house.

You raised your finger up and pointed it right at Joshua’s chest, “Oh, I don’t know Shua, maybe you could have actually gone out and looked for me instead of sitting on your ass and drinking yourself to death!” Seungcheol had a tight grip on your upper arms at this point, making sure you didn’t get physical. He was pretty sure your brother wouldn’t hurt you, he hoped, but he couldn’t say the same for you.

Joshua scoffed at you, taking a small step forward so your finger pushed into his firm chest. “I thought you were dead YN! I was fucking terrified I was going to find you out in that God damned lake, frozen to death. I- I-” he stuttered out, fresh tears building up at his lashes and anger dissipating in a mere instant, “I was scared. I didn’t want to find you out there again.”

Though Joshua’s anger seemed to be gone, yours was only building. “Scared? You were scared!? Why!? Because if you found me out there, you knew it would have been your fault?” You spit the last words at your brother, jabbing your finger harder into his chest, you knew it was low, but he literally said it himself in his voicemail, what did you owe him in this moment?

You watched as Joshua let the tears fall down his cheeks, biting at his trembling lower lip. “I’m so - so sorry, YN,” he whimpered, actually whimpered. You don’t think you’ve ever heard your older brother whimper. “You have to under- understand that I didn’t mean what I said the other night. I listened to the voicemail a few hours after I left it and I- I was so worried when you weren’t answering your phone. I wanted to apologize, take it back, but I was scared it was too late. I even called the police the day after to ask if they- th-” he didn’t need to finish that sentence, you knew what he meant. If they found your body. You heard Seungcheol inhale a sharp breath behind you, obviously affected by what Joshua was trying to say. You nearly forgot he has been a witness to this whole scene, he’s been so patient and quiet. “They said they didn’t find… anyone. I tried to let it go, tried to let you ignore me, but I couldn’t. I had to come down here and see for myself.”

“Well, here I am. You can leave. Now,” you spat, turning around and walking towards your kitchen. “C’mon Seungcheol,” you mumbled, taking Seungcheol’s hand in yours.

“YN - wait,” it wasn’t your brother’s voice that heard say those words, but Seungcheol’s. You stopped and turned around, staring at him like he grew two heads. He took a step closer to you, placing his hands atop your shoulders, “You need closure, YN,” he whispered softly down at you. Your eyes softened at his ability to stay so calm and level headed throughout this entire ordeal. You blinked up at him a few times before nodding your head.

Seungcheol didn’t want to put you in a position you were uncomfortable with and he knew you didn’t want to look at your brother right now. Hell, he wanted to beat the shit out of Joshua himself, his anger only growing throughout your conversation with him, but he knew you needed this. He knew this would be the first step in your healing.

You took a few steps past Seungcheol, stopping a few feet in front of your brother. Joshua, who had previously been staring a hole through the carpet, met your eyes with his glistening ones. Yes, he said horrible things to you. Yes, he has treated you as if you don’t exist for the past three years. But, he’s still your brother, right? He’s quite literally the only family you have left in this world. With both your parents gone, grandparents long dead, and no other siblings, Shua was really all you had. Even though he may not deserve your forgiveness, don’t you owe it to yourself to try and patch up your relationship? Even the thoughts sounded weak in your brain, after all he’s made you feel, but he really was all you had left. If you were going to move on from this, Seungcheol was right, you needed closure one way or another.

“Shua…” you trailed off, looking up at the ceiling attempting to stop the rush of tears stinging the backs of your eyes. You weren’t sure if you should tell him what happened over the last few days, since you last heard his voice. He was the reason you were in the hospital in the first place, but did you really want to make him feel the guilt for putting you there? You weren’t so sure. Your caring nature yelling at you internally to lie, to sugar coat things to spare your brother the pain. Before you could fight your internal battle, it was Joshua who spoke first.

“Can we talk about this, a little more privately maybe?” He questioned, his sour tone catching Seungcheol’s attention. Seungcheol has tried to stay quiet through all of this, hoping to let you hash it out on your own. It wasn’t his place, after all. He didn’t know your brother, and he believed you could handle yourself. But he wasn’t about to leave you alone with Joshua, and he needed to make sure the other man knew that.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Seungcheol started, brow furrowed menacingly, folding his arms across his chest, “She is in my care, after all.” He really didn’t want to play that card, unsure of how you would feel about it, but he really, really, needed Joshua to know that he wasn’t going to budge.

“What the hell do you mean she’s in ‘your care’?” Joshua narrowed his eyes, shooting a questioning glare your way.

You let out a heavy sigh, briefly turning your body to give Seungcheol an apologetic look. “I’ve been in the hospital, Shua. They only released me on the condition he stays with me, or vice versa.” Fuck it, maybe he deserved to feel guilty.

“Wh-what do you mean you were in the hospital?” His previous distraught look coming back, “Why didn’t you call me? I’m your family I should be the one-”

You cut him off before he could finish that statement, “Taking care of me? Joshua, you left me at a hospital three years ago and haven’t so much as said ‘hello’ to me since then. What makes you think you have any right to even assume I would want you to care for me?” Joshua at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself for the first time tonight, gaze shifting down to the floor again.

“YN, I- I called that night, on Christmas Eve, to apologize,” he looked behind you at a glaring Seungcheol before looking back at your equally enraged face, “I know, I know! I definitely didn’t do that in the voicemail that I left, ok I know,” he put his hand up as if to pacify you, “I had been drinking and I was thinking about you - in fact I - I think about you all the time. I’ve just been a terrified asshole who was too afraid you’d reject my apology after so long. I had the courage that night and tried calling you a few times. When you didn’t answer I figured you hated me, and it set me off with how drunk I was. I- I’m s-so sorry YN, I never, ever meant to hurt you like this. I was so scared of losing you, I tried to distance myself from you, so if I did l-lose you, it wouldn’t hurt as bad as when we lost mom and dad.” Joshua was full on sobbing at this point.

Your eyes softened minutely at his words, the fire in your eyes fleeting, but still there. “You’re fucking right you’ve been an asshole Shua,” you scoffed, “did you ever think about what I needed? How I felt? You distancing yourself from me was like having my entire family ripped away from me. You were all I had left. You are all I have left.” Your last words were whispered, but your brother heard them loud and clear.

Joshua's long legs only needed two steps in your direction before you were chest to chest with him, his strong arms wrapping around your shoulders. To say you were shocked was an understatement. Regardless of how much you wanted to hate your brother right now, you couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be in his familiar arms again. He hasn’t hugged you in years, not since your parents death, and you’re feeling lightheaded from all the physical contact you’ve had in the last week. It took you a moment to respond to his hug, slowly wrapping your weak arms around his middle. He could feel the way your too small frame was beginning to shake, presuming you were weak from being in the hospital, though he could feel how thin you were. It took him a second to realize you were sobbing in his arms, too.

Joshua nuzzled his face into the side of your head, having to bend a little to account for the height difference, and croaked, “I’m sorry YN. I’m so, so sorry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, please let me be here for you. Let me be your shoulder to cry on, be the one you confide in again.” He sniffled, rubbing his cheek against the top of your head. “I’ll stay by your side, I won't leave you, I promise.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you blubbered out, soaking Joshua’s shirt with your tears. He ran a hand soothingly up and down your back as he let his own silent tears fall.

“I’ve missed you too, baby sister.”

Seungcheol had been a silent observer, staying back, allowing you both to have the space you needed to sort this out. At this point, he wore a small smile, arms still crossed over one another. He decided it was time for him to leave you both alone for a moment to catch up and talk things through a little further. He quietly slipped out of the living room with a plan to make some hot tea for you, briefly meeting Joshua’s eyes which were silently thanking the older man. Seungcheol gave a quick nod and turned to walk away.

You and your brother spent the next few hours talking about everything on your living room couches. He stayed close, but not too close, to give you your own space, which you appreciated. Seungcheol came back after a little while, hot tea in mugs in tow. He sat by your side, offering you silent support with a hand on your knee or shoulder. You were thankful for his presence. Even though you and Joshua had talked some things out, you still felt a little awkward with him here. It had been over three years since you’d seen him, to be fair.

You told Joshua about your job and how you haven’t left it yet, despite hating your boss for so long. You talked about your life in Busan and how you moved into a new apartment a couple years back. He told you about his firm in Seoul and how he’s been working on a new book. He was hopeful that one of his previous books was up for some kind of award. You expressed how proud you were of him, finally having the chance to tell him. He told you about how he and Yuna broke up last year, a mutual thing, to which you expressed your not quite sympathy. Most importantly, you talked about your brief stay at the rehab facility three years ago and your most recent stay in the hospital here. You both cried when you talked about your second attempt at your life. You hugged each other and Joshua apologized profusely to you, which you graciously accepted.

After you had spilled all your collective tears and put everything out on the table, Joshua turned his attention to the other man in the room, who up until this point, had been relatively quiet, only chiming in when asked a question. “Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol was taken by surprise at the sound of his name coming from Joshua’s mouth. Eyebrows raised, he looked at the ashy haired man sitting across from him, “Hmm?”

“I wanted to thank you,” Joshua said apologetically, “I don’t know you, but you saved my sister. She also seems to trust you,” he gave you a quick smile, “so I guess I should, too. But really, man, thank you. I don’t know what I would do if I lost her, too.” His gaze fell to his hands that were clasped in his lap.

Seungcheol sat up a little straighter on the couch before answering, “You don’t have to thank me. I share the sentiment, I don’t know what I would do without her.” He smiled down at you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, making you give him a small smile in return. “I really love her,” he said lovingly. He was talking to Joshua, but he was staring into your eyes, getting lost in them for a moment. Joshua noticed this, and couldn’t hide the smile that was spreading across his own face. That’s when he knew you were in good hands. He trusted Seungcheol.

The next hour passed by quickly, sharing more stories amongst the three of you. Eventually Joshua told you he had to get going, needing to be back in Seoul for a meeting tomorrow morning. He offered to cancel and stay the night, but you and Seungcheol both told him he should go, and not to worry about you. If Seungcheol wasn’t here, Joshua would have definitely canceled, but he felt good about leaving you with him after the talks you’d had these past few hours.

You wrapped your arms around your brother's neck, reaching up on your tiptoes. Joshuas arms wrapped around your middle, lifting you up slightly as he whispered in your ear, “I love you baby sister, please don’t forget that. I never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too Shua, don’t be a stranger.” You smiled up at your older brother.

“I won't, trust me,” he let out a short laugh, devoid of any humor before setting you back down on your feet. He turned to look at Seungcheol, before reaching out to shake his hand. Seungcheol walked the short distance to grab his hand, only to be pulled into Joshua’s frame for a hug. “Thank you again, Seungcheol. I wish I could stay longer to get to know you a little better, but it was really nice to meet you.”

“I’m sure there will be more opportunities for us to meet,” Seungcheol said, with an almost demanding tone. Joshua took the warning for what it was, leaving you a little oblivious next to them. “Drive safe.”

Joshua pulled away, giving you one final smile, before turning around to take his leave. You stood in the doorway, watching your brother start his car and pull out of the driveway. You knew you had plenty more unresolved issues and a lot more to discuss, but for now, your chest felt lighter at the aspect of having your brother back in your life. You were a little sad that he had to leave so quickly, when you felt like you just got him back, but were hopeful you would see him soon.

Seungcheol could feel your mood shift slightly, moving to wrap his arms around you from behind in a comforting back hug. You closed and locked the front door before turning around in his grasp. “I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest. You didn’t see it, but Seungcheol looked down at you in confusion.

“Why are you sorry, love?” He inquired, rubbing a hand up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry you had to sit here all night and listen to me cry,” you began, “I’m also sorry you had to meet my brother under these circumstances.”

“Don’t be sorry, YN. I’m so happy you were able to see Joshua again and talk about things. I know it can be hard to talk about these things, and I know it must be hard to let him back into your life so suddenly, but I know it will be helpful to you in the long run. I only want you to be happy, love.”

You look up at Seungcheol in complete awe. How was this man in love with you? A broken shell of a person, with her weights worth of baggage. What did you do to deserve him? The literal epitome of perfection. A walking green flag.

“Don’t thank me,” Seungcheol lightly scolded, a smile on his face. “I can practically hear your thoughts right now.”

You scoffed, mock offended, putting your hands on his chest to playfully pull away. He wasn’t having it though, and pulled you back into him, rocking you both back and forth gently. “Oh no you don’t, you’re mine tonight,” you know he meant it in a playful way, but it did things to you that you didn’t want to admit to yourself right now, “I told you I wanted to lay with you properly and I��ve been waiting way too long to finally do that.”

“Let’s go to bed then,” you began, taking Seungcheol’s hand in your, walking down the hallway towards your bedroom.

“Sounds like a great plan,” Seungcheol smiled, following after you obediently.

After you and Seungcheol both got changed (Seungcheol having to run home to grab some things, and also grab a very unamused cat), you kneeled in the corner of your room playing with Bear, who lay in his cat bed that Seungcheol also brought over.

Seungcheol was laying back on your pink sheets, arms crossed behind his head, watching you in amusement. “He really likes you, you know.”

You looked over your shoulder with a toothy smile on your face. Seungcheol very nearly melted into your mattress at the sight. “You think so?” Seungcheol nodded as you turned back around to face the fur ball in front of you. “Well, I really like him too,” you cooed at the cat in question as he arched his back into your pets. After you had your fill of cuddles, you slowly stood up from your crouching position, causing Bear to mewl.

Seungcheol let out a loud laugh from his spot on your bed. “Yeah, I would say he definitely likes you.”

You laughed along with Seungcheol while turning the lamp on your side table off. Seungcheol scooted over on the bed to make room for you, pulling the pink and white comforter back. You gladly took your spot on the bed, rolling on your side to face Seungcheol. To say you were nervous was a big understatement. “I’m gonna miss him when I go back to Busan,” you whispered sadly, only slightly teasing.

“I’m glad my cat made such a big impact on you,” Seungcheol said dryly, deadpanning in your direction.

You giggled quietly and shushed him. “Of course I’m gonna miss you too, Seungcheol. I thought that was a given.”

“I mean, it’s still nice to hear,” he gently smiled down at you before draping one arm over your side, placing his warm hand on your lower back. He nudged your back a little, signaling you to move closer, to which you obliged. “You know, you don’t have to go back,” Seungcheol whispered, hopefully.

“Cheollie, I have to,” Seungcheol smiled his brightest smile at the nickname making you stifle a laugh, “my job is there, I have an apartment there. I can’t just leave.”

“Is this cabin paid off?” Seungcheol asked abruptly, before you could continue making excuses.

“Yes…” you trailed off hesitantly.

“Then you could break your lease in Busan, and move to the cabin. I know you love your job, but there is an animal shelter here. It’s where I got Bear from,” the cat meowed softly in the corner, making you smile again, “I could put in a good word for you.”

Seungcheol was so thoughtful. I definitely don’t deserve this man, you thought to yourself. Seungcheol chuckled and raised his hand to brush a strand of hair over your shoulder. “Did I just say that outloud?” You asked, mortified for Seungcheol’s answer.

He just nodded, still giggling. “YN, you deserve the world, and I will work every day to make sure you believe that.”

Your cheeks were hot, but your heart was full at his words. This beautiful man in front of you wanted to give you the world, wanted to make sure you never wanted for more in your life. Who were you to turn down such an offer? What did you have to lose anyways? A shitty paycheck and an even shitter apartment. That’s what.

“Okay.” You state simply.

“Okay?” Seungcheol perked up, lifting his head a bit to stare at you. It was dark, but there was enough moonlight shining through your window that you could see the way his eyes lit up at your words. You smiled a bright smile at him, nodding your head aggressively. “Do you mean that?” Now he was sporting a smile to match your own.

“Yes, Seungcheol. I’ll do it. I want to do it. I’m ready.” You smiled, because you were. You don’t think you’ve ever spoken truer words. You were ready. Ready to put Busan behind you, ready to start a new life with Seungcheol, with Bear, and finally make a home out of this cabin that your parents left you.

“I love you, YN,” Seungcheol said seriously, searching your eyes for any bit of hesitance, to which he found none, “I mean it, love.” He looked down to your pink lips, and back up at your eyes.

Your breath caught in your throat, the feeling of butterflies suffocating your lungs was a good one for once. You nibbled on your bottom lip and exhaled shakily. Seungcheol grunted, a sound you realized you found incredibly sexy and wanted to commit to memory for a rainy day. He was staring at you intensely, silently asking for permission, which you granted with a quick nod of your head.

Seungcheol’s lips crashed onto yours with an intensity you’ve never felt before. The flutter in your chest only increased as his soft, plump lips moved against yours. All you could feel, taste, smell, was Seungcheol. You inhaled his citrus-y scent, letting it surround you and he brought his free hand up to your burning cheek while his other caressed your side gently. He tasted better than you could have ever imagined, a little minty, and you were immediately hooked. His kiss was like the nicotine you craved from your cigarettes, maybe he was your new addiction. Your lips moved together synchronously for a few minutes before both of your lungs burned for oxygen and you reluctantly pulled away.

Seungcheol held your face in his hands like fragile China, reveling in this moment here with you, your face illuminated by the moon shining through your window. He saw galaxies in your lust filled eyes, the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.

Quickly, he dipped his head back down to capture your lips with his again. This time he moved a bit more frantically, hand moving from your cheek to your neck and down your shoulder and arm. He kissed you like it was giving him life, exploring your body with his large hands.

You kissed Seungcheol back just as fervently, lips parting to allow his soft tongue to explore your mouth. It was hot, more teeth than tongue, both of you far too excited at the prospect of finally getting to kiss one another after days of build up.

Parting from your lips slightly, Seungcheol pulled back to speak, “Is this ok? I do-don’t want to take things too fast…” he trailed off, pecking your lips sweetly a few times while he waited for your answer.

You shook your head slightly, kissing him back, “It’s not too fast, Cheol. I want you.”

That was all your boyfriend needed to hear before he was pushing you gently onto your back and rolling over to hover just slightly above you. Gently, ever so gently, he leaned down to kiss you passionately. You wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed his hands to explore under your sleep shirt. A soft moan escaped your lips when his warm hand grazed your breast, and Seungcheol took advantage of it to slip his tongue back into your mouth.

Seungcheol gently caressed your breast in his hand, fingers flicking over your nipple every few seconds to make it peak. You soft breaths and noises emboldening him to dip down and nibble at your collarbones and throat.

“Ch-Cheol,” you pant, getting lost in the sensation of his lips and hands all over you, “Please.”

“Please, what, love?” He murmured against your clavicle before pulling back and looking into your eyes again. “What is it, baby?” His voice was rough and it was turning you on even more.

“Please touch me more, please,” You softly plead with him, arching your back into his touch when his hand trailed down your stomach, “please.”

Seungcheol smiled at you before pulling away a bit to pull your shirt up and over your head. As he tossed the fabric somewhere in your room he took a moment to admire your beautiful body in the moonlight shining through your window. “You’re so pretty, love.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear, making you let out a soft whimper.

Your boyfriend chuckled at your reaction before dipping down to take one of your breasts into his warm mouth. Your hand flies up to his head, grasping the bleached strands as you arch into his touch. “Cheol!”

“Mm, let me hear you baby,” he grunts, pulling off you for a second before attacking your other breast with the same ministrations, his hand dipping lower to pull at your sleep shorts, making his intentions clear. You nod your head quickly, making him pull back again to look up at your blissed out face. “Is this ok?”

“Yes, yes, please, Cheol,” you all but moaned at this point, the thought of waiting any longer for the man above you to start touching you driving you insane. “Please, hurry, Cheollie.”

Seungcheol sat up on his knees, adjusting himself in his pajama pants, making you bite your lip to suppress a moan at just how big his bulge looked. He chuckled darkly at your reaction before grabbing onto your sleep shorts and removing them and your panties in one swift motion.

Once he tossed the shorts off to the side, he couldn’t help but admire your wet pussy on full display for him for the first time. You were completely bare beneath him and he was thanking every God he knew the name of in his head for allowing him this moment. You were absolutely breathtaking and he let you know just that. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, YN. I am so fucking lucky.”

Before you could respond, Seungcheol bent down and started kissing up your thighs until he reached the place you needed him most. Sighing in contentment, he placed a few sweet kisses to your mound before dipping his warm tongue between your folds. You both moan at the contact, you from the feeling of his wet tongue on your clit, and him from your taste. You tasted absolutely divine. He closed his eyes as he explored your folds with his tongue, lapping at your entrance before stiffening his tongue to play with your engorged clit. You were so turned on you couldn’t help the noises falling from your mouth. It was almost embarrassing how vocal you were being.

It’s been quite a while since you were in bed with anyone. In fact it’s been years. You had the wherewithal to let Seungcheol know that before you were completely lost in the pleasure of his mouth on your cunt.

“Cheol-Cheollie-” you panted out, tugging at his blonde locks to get him to look at you. “I- I haven’t been with anyone in… in a long time.” His eye soften a bit as he looks at you, intensely scanning your features for any kind of reluctance for what you two were doing. After finding none he places a few more kisses to your clit, making you moan softly, before hauling himself up and hovering over you.

“We don’t have to go any farther tonight if you don’t want to. Just say the word. I’ll be happy to eat you out all night, make you cum on my face. Or we can stop here. You tell me what you’re comfortable with, love.” Seungcheol kisses your lips, allowing you to taste yourself on him before pulling away, awaiting your answer.

“I - I want this, I want you. I’m just… nervous I guess?” You laugh lightly, trying to mask your shyness.

Seungcheol doesn’t allow it, smiling down at you and pecking your forehead, then your nose. “I’ll make you feel good, I promise, baby. Don’t be nervous. I’m not expecting anything, just let me make you feel good, please?”

How could you deny this man anything when he was so perfect to you?

You nod your head briefly before leaning up and capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. It only lasts a moment before he’s breaking away and crawling back down your bed.

“I’ll be gentle, ok?” Seungcheol says before diving back in and lapping at your wet folds. You moan at the feeling again, getting lost in the sensation of him basically making out with your pussy. Before you can lose youreself to the pleasure, Seungcheol brings a finger up to your entrance, tracing it lightly before dipping just the tip inside you, testing the waters. You moan out loudly at the sensation, hips bucking up slightly for more friction. He just chuckles against you before slipping his entire finger in, your warm walls clamping down on the intrusion. It’s been so long since you had something inside you, but the feeling was so intense, mixed with Seungcheol’s hot tongue on your clit, your orgasm washed over you suddenly before you could warn him.

Not that he needed the warning. He felt your body tense, so he kept his tongue right where it was, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. When you finally came down from it, he slipped his finger out, sticking it in his mouth as sucking your juices off it as he came back up to lay next to you.

As he did, Seungcheol trailed his hand back down your body, two fingers slipping inside you while you were still relaxed. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, his other hand coming up to rub soothing circles on your hip, “Shh, baby. Just let me make you feel good.” You moan at his words as he slowly, gently starts pumping his fingers inside of you. The motion feels so good, your previous orgasm making for and easy slide in and out.

“Cheol!” You whine as his fingers curl and touch that spot inside you, making your toes curl.

“Mm, baby, that’s it. Just feel it, ok? Just relax.” His words were like a soothing balm, but you needed to anchor yourself, reaching out to grab hold of his shoulders. He takes it in stride, leaning slightly over you, his free hand still rubbing circles into your side as he stretches you out.

“Cheol, Cheol, I’m gonna-” You pant out, not even able to finish your thought before your second orgasm is washing over you. Seungcheol just keeps pumping his fingers in and out of you, his fingertips gently prodding your walls each time. He never falters in his movements, letting you come down from the high before you’re weakly pushing at his arm in sensitivity. “S-sensitive, Cheollie,” you mumble, making Seungcheol laugh quietly.

“I know, baby. You did so well for me.” He gently kisses your lips again, smiling against them. You look up at him when he pulls away with so much love in your eyes he nearly melts. “Feel good, love?” You nod, words escaping you from the pure ecstasy you feel in that moment. “Good.”

With one last kiss, Seungcheol makes a move to get up, but you stop him, tugging on his hand. He looks back at you with a furrowed brow, confusion written all over his face like he didn’t have a raging boner in his pants.

“I want you, Cheol. Please?” You ask him in a tiny voice. He looks at you for a moment, taking in your blissed out face, before starting to shake his head. The crestfallen look on your face has him stopping, though.

“I want you too, YN. I really, really do,” as if to prove a point he takes your hand and moves it to his crotch, letting you feel his hardness. “Trust me, baby. But you just got out of the hospital, are you sure you’re up for it?”

You think about it for a moment. Seungcheol is right, you did just get out of the hospital. You also have had a very emotional few days, weeks even. But you couldn’t deny how safe you felt in this moment with Seungcheol. Wasn’t sex just another way to feel closer to him? To solidify this bond that you two were building? Hell, you just agreed to quit your job and move here to be closer to him. You loved this man, more than you were willing to admit right now.

“Please. You’ll be gentle, right?” You whispered into the stillness of your childhood bedroom.

Seungcheol smiled sweetly at you with so much love in his eyes it made you want to cry. “Of course, YN,” he whispered back. “I’ll always be gentle with you, you mean the world to me.”

With that, Seungcheol leaned back down, shucking his shirt off in the process and pressing his warm chest to yours. No more words were shared as you lazily made out, both your guys’ hands exploring the others’ body. Slowly, you slipped Seungcheol’s pajama pants and boxer briefs off, letting them fall somewhere on the floor, and allowed your hands to explore even lower.

Your hand found his length, slowly pumping him as he moaned into your mouth. He froze for a moment, forehead dropping to your collarbones as he sucked in a sharp breath, “I’m gonna cum quick if you do that.” You smiled, but slowed your ministrations, not wanting this to be over yet. He let out a shaky breath before looking down at you again, “Condoms?”

Your mind blanks for a second before shaking your head nervously. “I’m actually on birth control… and I haven’t been with anyone in over five years.” You said the last part quietly, almost embarrassed at your lack of experience.

Seungcheol just smiled at you before kissing you slowly. When he pulled back he swallowed thickly before whispering, “I haven’t been with anyone in over three… please don’t worry, YN.”

Hearing him say that did actually soothe your worries a bit. It’s been a while since either of you had any practice in the bedroom, so maybe this didn’t have to be so scary. “Then…” you started, trailing off while looking into your boyfriend’s deep brown eyes, “we don’t need a condom.” Your whispered words made Seungcheol’s knees weak as he captured your lips with his again.

“Fuck, I don’t know how long I’m gonna last inside you,” he admitted bashfully, “where should I…?”

“Inside me. Please, Cheol, I want it. Want to feel close to you.”

Seungcheol closed his eyes as he sucked in another breath. “Fuck,” he said shakily, “I need to be inside you like right now.”

You chuckle and nod your head quickly, “Please.”

Seungcheol complies and grabs his length, stroking himself a few times before gathering your wetness on his tip. You both groan at the contact, your hips bucking up slightly, chasing the feeling. Without anymore words, Seungcheol pushes his tip against your entrance, slowly, so slowly, pushing in until he’s fully seated inside you, cock throbbing at the feeling of your tight walls.

“You’re so tight, baby. Does it hurt?” The genuine concern in his voice makes your heart flutter. You moan at the feeling of him adjusting himself on the bed.

“N-no, not really. Just.. a lot. You-you’re big.” You moan again as he chuckles softly, the motion pushing his cock against your walls.

“I’m not gonna move yet. Just get used to the feeling, ok baby?” You nod, eyes closing as you do just that. You focus on the feeling of his cock filling you up, your walls squeezing him slightly, making him groan each time. As you start to get used to the feeling of being full again, he slowly brings his fingers down to toy with your clit, your wetness making the slip feel heavenly.

Seungcheol is slowly, every so slowly, moving his fingertip over your puffy clit, distracting you from the pain of his cock splitting you open. It feels so good, and almost completely makes you forget about the pain.

“Do you think you can come on my cock?” He asks quietly, fingers still moving slowly over you, “It might make it easier. I know it’ll feel good, love.” His face is right next to your ear and his low, raspy voice is bringing you close to the edge.

“Yes, yes, Cheol, please” you’re begging at this point, loving the feeling of his cock and his fingers bringing you to climax for the third time tonight.

“Let go, sweet girl, cum on my cock.” He whispers directly into your ear and that’s all you need to completely let go. Seungcheol keeps rubbing his fingers lightly over your clit as your body arches and convulses, clamping down on his dick, whispering soothing words into your ear until you finally come down from your high. Seungcheol pulls his fingers away to moment your orgasm slows, kissing you sweetly. “There you go, baby.” He’s starting to sound affected, like he is having a hard time holding back, so you circle your hips a bit to give him some much needed friction, making you both moan in pleasure. “Mm, baby, don’t do that.. I don’t know how much longer I can stay still.”

“Please move Cheollie,” you whisper, rolling your hips again, “fuck me.”

Seungcheol lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding before slowing pulling back until just his tip is inside you, before rolling his hips back down and sinking his length into you again. There are tears of pleasure rolling down your cheeks as he continues to fuck you in a steady rythym, hitting spots deep inside you that you didn’t even know existed.

“Fuck, fuck baby, I’m gonna cum soon,” Seungcheol moans into your ear, lips sucking and kissing you neck and shoulder as he fucks you. “Gonna let me fill you up, baby?”

“Yes, yes, Cheol!” You can’t help the sounds that are coming out of your mouth at this point, lost in the pleasure Seungcheol is bringing you.

Seungcheol’s hips stutter for a moment, stilling against you as he cums harder than he thinks he ever has in his life. He’s essentially been edging himself since you two started this almost an hour ago, and finally getting to cum in your tight pussy has him releasing everything he’s go into you. He thrusts his hips once, twice, three more times before stilling and letting the last of his seed spurt inside you.

You’re both panting and sweating at this point, but neither of you care, sharing wet kisses as you both come down from the intense highs. Once you’re both settled a bit, Seungcheol slowly pulls back, softening cock slipping from your entrance. He watches his cum drip out of you for a moment before bringing two fingers up to push it back inside you, accidentally brushing your sensitive clit in the process and making you jolt.

“Shh, sorry, sorry baby. It’s just so fucking hot seeing you like this,” He mumbles, fingering you gently, watching your face for any sign of discomfort. When he finds none, and instead sees you close your eyes in pleasure again, he keeps going, slowly, gently, pumping two fingers inside you, searching for that spot again. You’re moaning lowly, getting lost in the feeling of his hot cum inside you, “You like that, baby?” He practically growls, watching his creamy cum be forced out of you as he massages his fingertips on your g-spot.

You can’t form a coherent sentences, just moaning and writhing on the bed. Seungcheol continues to abuse your walls until you cum for the fourth time tonight, mouth open in a silent scream as he watches you lose yourself to the pleasure. As you slowly come down, he pulls his finger from you finally, grabbing his discarded pants to wipe his hand on.

“You ok, love?” He asked quietly as you slowly come back to yourself.

“Yes, yeah. I’m good.” You pant out, making Seungcheol smile to himself.

“Let me grab something to clean you up, ok?” You nod as he leaves the bedroom, only to come back a few moments later with a warm wash cloth. He slowly and gently cleans you up, making sure to avoid your swollen clit this time. When he’s done he places a gentle kiss to your folds, making you giggle.

“YN,” he says quietly when he finally climbs back up the bed, pulling you into his strong arms.

You look up at him, humming in confirmation for him to continue. Your sleepy eyes starting to close as you stare at him.

“Thank you, YN,” Seungcheol whispered breathlessly, mere centimeters from your lips.

“For what?” You asked, just as breathless.

“For giving me one more day.”

a/n: if you made it to the end, thank you thank you thank you for reading my fic, it means so much to me. pls reblog, comment, and like if you enjoyed reading and let me know what you would like to see next. i enjoy writing, but seeing how much YOU enjoy it is an even better feeling!

#svt x reader #seventeen fanfic #choi seungcheol #svt angst #scoups #seventeen x reader #seventeen angst #scoups angst

75 notes · View notes

kittysoonie · 7 months ago

Text

Warm Winter

Non!idolHoshi x Gn!reader (Happy Birthday Hoshi!)

Established relationship, slight angst (barely any tbh), lots of toothrotting fluff, 594 words.

Your boyfriend has been taking you on multiple dates this past month but he’s been acting too out of character. Is he about to break up?

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

“Soonyoung I’m cold.” You say as you walk side by side with your boyfriend.

“Told you to bring your own jacket, can’t give you mine tonight.” He mumbles back.

“You’re horrible.” You reply, sinking into your scarf to try and keep yourself warm.

“I liked the restaurant we went to last week better.” You try to start a conversation with a sigh only to be met with silence.

“Soonyoung!” You shout to capture his attention.

“W-what?” He stutters as you bring him back to reality.

“I said I liked the restaurant last year better.” You repeat yourself.

“Is that so?” He mumbles, “I liked this one more.” He finishes his sentence as he starts walking again, at a much faster space.

You furrow your brows at his actions, your boyfriend is usually hyperactive and excited at your dates but today he seems to be so out of character. Stuttering at his words and looking around nervously as if he wants to say something but can’t seem to get the words out.

Your brain begins to start spiralling as you start thinking of the worst possible scenario and the conclusion you come up with is that he is trying to break up with you.

You stop walking next to him and your thoughts are confirmed once he keeps going without noticing you being left behind.

“SOONYOUNG!” You shout after he is ahead of you, grabbing his attention immediately as his head comically turns around.

He begins rushing towards you, rubbing his hands to keep himself warm.

“What are you doing back there?” He asks in confusion.

“Cmon y/n let’s get home, you said you’re feeling cold.” He gives you an awkward smile as he takes your hands into his own.

“No.” You flatly disagree.

“No?” He repeats as his head tilts in confusion.

“Y/n can we not do this here? Please?” He’s almost begging and tears begin to fill your eyes.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” You barely let out.

“Break up??!” He almost shouts, more shocked than you.

“D-don’t be silly! You know I love you so much.” He speaks out confidently as he puts your hand into his jacket pocket.

You lean your head on his shoulder, “I love you too Soonyoung.” You mumble before you feel something in the pocket of his jacket.

You take the object into your hand and there’s a comical realisation on his face once he realises you can feel the velvet box in your hand, there’s no doubt about it because he sees the way your eyes shine as you turn to him.

“Is that what I think it is?” You excitedly ask, waiting for his response.

His cheeks turn bright red, “Y/n let go, this was supposed to be a surprise!” He whispers through gritted teeth, visibly embarrassed about ruining his own proposal.

“Oh my god! Soonyoung!! And here I thought you were going to break up with me.” You hum out in a sing-songy tone.

“Is that what all the expensive restaurants and dates were about?” You gasp out loud at your detective skills.

“Can we not do this here?” He whines out like a child.

You put your hands on your waist as u begin walking again, “let’s go home Soonyoung, don’t wanna wait longer to be engaged!” You speak out in a teasingly manner as you realise he is no longer walking next to you; you turn around calling his name only to find him on one knee, with the ring now on his hand.

“Will you marry me Y/n?”

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Thank you so much for reading! Sorry it took me so long to update, been busy with my exams lately lol.

All feedback is appreciated and requests are open as always.

Read more of my work:

Masterlist

241 notes · View notes

accio-victuuri · 2 months ago

Text

it’s been a while since i’ve shared my recent reads! so here’s what i have picked up in the past months. felt inspired cause i’m really enjoying the story i’m reading now, w/c i initially picked up as a manhwa but i’m impatient so i switched to the novel. it’s called the hunter is gonna lay low or the hunter wants to live quietly. it’s such a gem! cause it starts of pretty simple and funny then the author manages to put in the plot and well, it’s plotting. lol.

if you like systems/dungeons, cast of characters, time travel, mystery and the most delicious slow burn then this is for you. i hope this gets animated at some point cause it’s so good! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 this is the only novel on the list so it’s pretty special that the story led me to WANT to read the source.

i’m literally listing what i’ve read so yeah. and pretty much a v short reaction to it cause there is a lot (53). it’s a mix of ongoing and completed works at the time of writing and when i read it so i’ll mark that too.

1. Sweetie, Sweetie, Sweetie - this title is so misleading cause you would think it’s a modern story full of sweetness when it’s not. this deals with kingdoms/royalty, superpowers — and isekai.

2. How my Daddies Became mates (completed) - first foray into mangas because i most prefer manhwa/manhuas — i know, sacrilege. but yeah, it’s a cute story of two dad telling their kid how they met and fell in love. It’s so wholesome! a short read when you feel tired of all the toxic bl stories. 😂😂😂

3. Unintentional Love Story (completed) - pick this up! it’s so good! slice of life kind of vibe and falling in love in a small town.

4. Someone like You (completed) - this was something i started before and went back in now that it’s completed.

5. Isekai no Sata Wa shachiku shidai - i don’t really go for Mangas but this one pulled me in! I love myself some isekai plot. it’s just sad that no one has updated the translation for so long so that may put some people off in picking this up.

6. Bend over Backwards (completed) - corporate slave x international model. if you like this kind of dynamic then go ahead. Only 40 chapters plus a bunch of side stories so this kind of thing is a good choice.

7. Dinner with a Vampire - pretty obvs with the title.

8. Mister Wonderful teases me

9. Romance but not Romantic - omegaverse! the kind where the omega needs the alpha but initially hated him.

10. Be, Be. - omegaverse with modern royalty!

11. Smoky Nectar 1 - a short read that continues to a part 2 and it’s good ✌🏼

12. Smoky Nectar 2

13. Reincarnated to Devil King Evelogia’s World - this is so uniquely unhinged that it became. endearing. No. I swear. I haven’t read anything like it. I love it tho. Maybe some people will find it over the top but it’s now one of my personal faves.

there’s an animated version of it if you wanna start with that just to see how cute they are lol.

14. Bullying the Dog - an MC who didn’t get much love then he meets the ML who shows him what it’s like. it’s so somft.

15. Bittersweet Martini (completed) - i’m gonna cheat here and copy/paste the first comment on this story cause i think it perfectly describes the story: “If you're looking for a casual pleasure read with a green flag story with heavy flirting, which leads to a lot of blushing but also deals with a more serious topic towards the middle, without leaning too much into the drama, then look no further.”

16. Over the Paradise - guideverse with zombies!

17. Hero vs Villain - what happens when the supposed hero and villain become friends and fall in love? this was so nice!

18. Night of London - vampire and werewolf pairing! come on! Let’s gooooo! 🙌🏼

19. Kill my love - omegaverse and assassins!

20. Turning - Another work that i would most likely pick up the novel version cause it’s that good! Regression theme! ❣️plus the setting is they are in a kingdom where people have powers.

21. The Moon is coming to me - I have already talked bout this before and it’s one of my absolute faves! I didn’t know the Manhua was released! So i was so happy to enjoy it in that form. The translation for this is very close to the end so pick it up!

22. Cozy Obsession - transmigration where the MC knows how the story goes so he is trying his best to change the ending.

23. Summertime (completed) - one of my favorites! love it when friends become lovers and some may say the ML here is manipulative but i wanna say in a good way. lol. anyway, it’s classic, atleast from the MC’s side that you’ve known this person some time and that summertime everything has changed.

24. My way with you (completed) - gonna cheat again with this one by pasting here what someone commented: “LISTEN UP GUYS this one has everything: healthy happy relationship, supportive friends, trauma and healing, mysterious past connections, beautiful men, hot af smut, 100% consent, cutest lovey dovey couple, NO drama, NO “misunderstandings”, NO second ml, NO annoying interfering side characters. You will cry, but because it’s just so good.” 💯

25. Netkama Punch - i haven’t finished and progressed much as i would like tho i know a lot of people have this as their favorite! I will get back to it! The premise of hidden identity and online gaming is one of my fave so i will surely pick this up again.

26. Through the Years - i haven’t finished this yet but it’s a lot of people’s fave

27. Fools (completed) - disillusioned guy meets excitable puppy 🤍

28. Moonquake (completed) - a very unique concept. people on earth have powers and then some of them decided to rebel and live in the Moon. Our MC is one of the best ones on earth and is supposed to bring down the leader of the rebellion. but you all know what happens, they fall in love! AHHHHH! and i have to say the art in this too is exceptional.

29. Men’s wear store and the Royal Princess (completed) - this may be weird for some or slow / not enough action lol. i enjoyed it tho! the MC cross dresses and finds someone who loves and accepts him!

30. Ex Hot Neighbor (completed) - a story that centers around a misunderstanding! MC thinks he can’t date the neighbor cause he’s his friend’s ex. but nope!

31. Forest Sea (completed) - A good and solid fantasy story. Please give it a try! The whole birds vs snakes thing was kinda weird at first but the author made it work.

32. When you were asleep - this hasn’t been updated in a while and it’s so sad because the art is topnotch! the plot is good too, especially the dreamscapes but there’s still a lot to discover cause we wanna know what happened in the past. Why is MC even having these dreams and all that.

33. Beum & Go’s Unholy…. - still ongoing and read few chapters

34. Spring, the color of love (completed) - what a wonderful story. Oftentimes, as a reader, you have that sense of boundary with the narrator. But this one — you can feel and understand what the MC is thinking and going through. even tho i haven’t experienced what he did, i can totally get it. this is one of those tropes where they fall in love during their school years and some misunderstanding happens, they meet again years later and try again. something i would love to re-read even if there are parts of it that hurt. and it’s just proof that if something is meant to be, it will come back to you.

35. Keep Holding On (completed) - a short and sweet read with friends to lovers trope!

36. Wolf in the House (completed) - i am so late with this cause i feel like every list has this story as one of the best. I have to agree! it’s so good! tho i have to say i’m more attached to the second pairing. this one is a perfect mix of fantasy, action, comedy and romance. A solid recommendation!

37. Touch within the Abyss (completed) - AAAAAHHHHHH! a hitman x blind cinnamon roll! read it now! please! it’s so sweet! their love and care for each other is so pure 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

38. 99% in love season 1 (completed) - from bestfriends to lovers in the cutest way! they start fake dating and it leads to more obvs.

39. 99% in love season 2 - their college life and this one has smut scenes!

40. Alpha Trauma ( novel ongoing ) - if you know Omega Complex then you might be aware that this is a sequel of sorts but follows the second lead’s love story if you may. Everyone loves Dohyun so i’m one of those happy readers who is happy that he gets his own story, tho the POV in this is not his but his Omega. If you like ABO and campus setting then this may be for you.

41. Soul Sealer’s school life - The MC is the soul sealer who has to do good deeds to prolong his life, then he meets the ML who has a strong spirit in him. It’s a perfect blend of fantasy, comedy and not so much romance as of the moment. The art is 💯 and i really like to see where this goes!

42. Guidance with Benefits - still ongoing and read few chapters

43. Chiguha Kuna Kisu (completed) - if you like a short read that will make you have overall good vibes then this is it. school setting, two cute boys, a fortunate miscommunication and starting a relationship. it’s so good and made me want to look for more mangas! 🤍

44. Spicy Milk Candy - yandere but in a good way. that’s all i’m gonna say.

45. Ruby Red wo Kamikudaku (completed) - i’m just gonna add the summary below but it’s truly a unique read!

Akane is an Omega who can see people's pheromones as multicolored "crystals”. During his school days, when he was lonely because of his peculiar constitution, he meets Makise, a school nurse teacher. 5 years later, they are miraculously reunited, but Makise has a secret

46. Yume Nara Doko Made Yurusaremasuka (completed) - corporate slave x young policeman. 6 chapters of sweetness!

47. Sparkling Baby (completed) - this is supposedly a sequel for the second lead, but i haven’t read the first story. I just love how the MC/ML first met and then made a mark on each other as strangers — but it wasn’t there time yet. and so they meet again later and navigate their lives together. What attracted me to this story is how the MC changed because of love. For years, he had this sense of what he think is love and looking back, maybe it didn’t work out because love isn’t supposed to be like that. What he found with the ML is real and why it feels different.

48. Ashita kimi no mono ni shite (completed) - this so wholesome! school setting and friends to lovers. quiet boy x cool guy

49. Koibitu Keiyaku chu ni suki (completed) - friends to lovers! fake dating. and well, look at them. so precious together:

50. Camboy Bunny (completed) - i think the title says it all. A delicious read!

51. Beyond the Memories - AAAAAHHHHHHH! the story in itself should be sweet and fluffy but the author manages to squeeze in the undercurrent of there is something wrong. as a reader, there is something big that we don’t know and once it comes out — all of it will be shattered. it looks like there is some sort of regression and MC doesn’t know this but the ML does. The question here is when his memories will come back and will he forgive the ML. We are not in that part yet with what’s available right now so i’m excited!

52. Private Call (completed) - another omegaverse.

53. Senza Replica - guide/esper. very few chapters out and something i will go back to.

I read everything except the novel at BATO. 🫶🏼 covering my may-october 2024 reads.

#personal #accio victuuri reads #book recs #manhwa recs #manhua recs #bl recommendation #danmei recs #manga recs #aside from yizhan and work the rest of my time goes to reading lol

47 notes · View notes

imagines-to-quench-thirst · 2 years ago

Text

Ducan "Donut" Vizla🍩

Disclaimer: stories are fictitious and should not be taken literally, the behavior is entirely imaginative and the content may be inappropriate

Updated & repaired: 16/07/2023 (if a story won't load or something else, please message me and let me know)

MAIN MASTERLIST

JOIN US TODAY. BE A DUNCAN HOE!

Fluff🌺 Angst 🌩️ Smut❤️‍🔥

5/7 STORIES

5 Types Of Kisses🌺

MY HEADCANONS W/ OTHER CHARACTERS:

Speak In Flowers 🌺 Flowers speak their own words and show their actions. And your man loves to speak it out loud.

Visiting Your Hometown 🌺 how would your boy act when you drag him along to your hometown

Helping You To Accept Your Stretch Marks 🌺your boy helps you accept your beautiful stretch marks as they are...pure perfection

Explaining To Your Man Kdramas🌺I (V) wrote small drabbles that paired my favorite men and dramas that I absolutely love

Dating A Tattoo Artist 🌺 being a tattoo artist and your boyfriend being part of it

When Tough Times Occur 🌺Life itself can be a pain and with its obstacles, it can seem impossible to overcome it but that’s what makes us stronger as people.

Someone Rubs You The Wrong Way With... 🌺 how would your man protect you when someone doesn’t mind your business

Having A Shower ❤️‍🔥having a shower with your man sounds like heaven right?!

One Thing He Loves About You (Physically Or Mentally)🌺 the title spoils the ending a bit

No Nut November ❤️‍🔥in the glory of No Nut November, you make a bet with your liver saying if they fail you cuff them and use them to your liking but if you lose they get to fulfil one of their fantasies. And you are keen on it to make them lose, by any means.

ASKS

My Saviour 🌺protective! Duncan Vizla? Maybe they capture her and he’s ready to wreak havoc upon them? Hurt/comfort with a bit of makeup smut?

Taking Off Their S/O's Makeup 🌺 (Could you do Duncan vizla,the joker and whoever else you’d like.)taking off their s/o makeup after they come from a nightout because they are to drunk to do it themselves 💛

Stressed Student 🌺 can I request Duncan Vizla, the Joker, Victor Creed and what would they do if they see their s/o down because they're stressed due exams?

You Are My Protector 🌺 do you think he’d appreciate someone being gentle with him and spoiling him with compliments? I just imagine him getting a praise kink whenever his woman kisses his scars 😚💗

Worship Me 🌺 What about Duncan doing some exhausting teasing foreplay the whole day before having sex?😍😍

Kicking in the process... 🌺 Duncan Vizla x Pregnant Reader

October Drive ❤️‍🔥I think daddy Duncan deserves some smut, would you be an angel you are and write something, maybe some August heat car ride or smth!

Telling Him You Are A Virgin ❤️‍🔥 Ok here me out 😂 virgin X Duncan, she constantly flirts with him but doesn’t want a one night stand with him. It shocks him when she says she’s a virgin and only does long term

White Shorts VS. Duncan Vizla ❤️‍🔥Innocent girl + short shorts = very pent up Duncan = very rough sex

Period Sex ❤️‍🔥What do you think about Duncan smut while his girl is on period? I bet he's up to this shit👀👀

Duncan Pleaser ❤️‍🔥 Omg give us more swearing daddy Duncan pleasing his woman😍😍

Outdoor Quickie ❤️‍🔥hi there! I've come up with the idea for Duncan smut, IDK if you like it, but I give it a try🔞🔞how bout some outdoor quickie in winter? IDK if it's even possible in real life, but still! I very much appreciate all your imagines! you're doing great👍👍

Christmas Decorations 🌺 now here’s a little concept (you don’t have to write I just want to share lol) She is super excited for Christmas like REALLY excited she’s all over the house with decorations and at first when she asks him to help her he says no but I mean he can’t say no to her puppy eyes so he caves and they spend the whole afternoon decorating the house ✨💜✨💜✨

I Ain't No Snitch 🌺❤️‍🔥 can you imagine if one day she is kidnapped in order to get to Duncan so he has to find her and everything and when he finds her she’s all scared and crying so he gets all soft and protective 😭😭😭😭😭😭

No Bra ❤️‍🔥 some good old Duncan Vizla smut

Nightly Adventures ❤️‍🔥Lemme ask for some duncan vizla smut, daddy kink, dirty talk and pure filth? I feel like the character is underrated and has lots of potential!

Jingle My Balls ❤️‍🔥 How about some good ol' sexy time with Duncan Vizla! Ohhhhh maybe a holiday theme?? Like the reader wore idk a santa dress/elf dress and Duncan decides to jingle their bells??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ya catchin my drift chief?? Im sorry this was cheesy

Daddy Kink Headcanon ❤️‍🔥 I was wondering if u could possibly do some Duncan Vizla with daddy kink (smut) headcaons plz it’s ok if u can’t tho 👌

Wedding Risks ❤️‍🔥 may i ask for more of it, maybe some inappropriate place/timing smut or public place or as you wish, cause it gives life :3

Brave 🌩️🌺 I have a request for Duncan! Maybe one of his old enemies gets ahold of his SO and uses her to lure him into a trap and all the angst but with a happy ending! I love your writing so much!! 💕💕💕

Departure ❤️‍🔥How bout some age gap angsty smutty fic w\Duncan Vizla? Like grey hair and wrinkles and stuff, cause kinks are kinks, you know🔥🔥🔥

First Timers ❤️‍🔥 May I request some Duncan smut, like first meeting him\first date stuff... like why wait for 2nd date when you're all head over heels :3

The Right Way To Wake Up ❤️‍🔥 How about some middle of the night/early morning wake up sex w/Mr Duncan Vizla💦💦

Road Trip ❤️‍🔥what about some road/car sex with Duncan?

Foreplay ❤️‍🔥May I request some NSFW Duncan headcanons like putting a condom on/undressing/arousing words, etc., stuff like that!

Mustache Ride I feel like Duncan's mustache gently massaging skin\clit while giving oral must be headcanon😍😍

Girl 🌺 What Would Duncan Vizla Think of having a chubby girlfriend?

Hand+Job ❤️‍🔥May I ask for Duncan receiving handjob or smth without penetration😍😍

Kisses Of Jealously ❤️‍🔥Thank you for all the Duncan fics, they are perfect😍 Let me request some steamy period smut with Duncan

Bathtub Mishaps ❤️‍🔥May I request some bathroom/bathtub Duncan Vizla smut? It should we very wet out there if you know what i mean💦💦

Leading Praise❤️‍🔥

Sinful Words What would you say about Duncan being daddy he is and talking dirty with his lover😈😈

Duncan Going To Town❤️‍🔥

NSFW Alphabet (VER 1)❤️‍🔥

NSFW Alphabet (VER2)❤️‍🔥

First Time Having Sex❤️‍🔥

Nightly Adventures ❤️‍🔥Lemme ask for some Duncan Vizla smut, daddy kink, dirty talk and pure filth? I feel like the character is underrated and has lots of potential!

Little Miss ❤️‍🔥

Fitting Punishment ❤️‍🔥

Comparisons ❤️‍🔥

Chubby!SO 🌺What Would Duncan Vizla Think of having a chubby girlfriend?

DRABBLES FROM MY🧠

Hands To Kiss🌺

Mother, Meet Duncan Vizla 🌺your mom meets your boyfriend

Jealousy Makes Him Silent 🌺

Duncan Saving You🌺

Duncan Learning Your Native Language🌺

Mornings With Duncan Vizla🌺

Making Out ❤️‍🔥

Dating Duncan Vizla🌺

First BJ❤️‍🔥

Tease ❤️‍🔥

Over The Edge ❤️‍🔥

Breathe 🌺Song fic- Breathe by Mako

DIFFERENT AUs

Professor Vizla (Professor!AU)❤️‍🔥Could you write a professor Duncan Vizla x reader smut... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) And there is an age gap between them... Something like that... 🙈🙈🙈

Sins Of Ours (Priest!AU)❤️‍🔥 For Anon who requested it: I hope you like it, I have seen the trailer you suggested but I just changed the name because I’m a lazy bitch and haven’t found the name of the character Mads played so I changed it to Duncan. I hope that’s okay.

SHORT IMAGINE

Duncan Seeing You After A Long Time🌩️

Seeing Duncan’s Old Videos Of Him🌺

Waking Up Next To Duncan Vizla🌺

Duncan Coming To Your Home Needing Help🌺

#duncan imagine #duncan x reader #duncan vizla imagine #duncan vizla x reader #polar x reader #polar imagine #polar movie #netflix x reader #netflix imagine #mads mikkelsen #mads polar #duncan vizla

447 notes · View notes

trashcanwithsprinkles · 2 months ago

Note

hi! I wanted to ask questions about how you proceed to write:

Do you have a general idea with plot twits and such figured out? like general guidelines and then go crazy and write these amazing fics or you just go with the flow?

How do you establish world building? Like, all the fics I've read from you (which are more than great) got lots of info in the world building though strangely enough (in a good way) I wasn't lost on it? Like Cyanide Narwhal has crazy lore to it with lots of characters and stuff going on but as you read you get what happens even though hundreds of stuff happen at once. HOW DO YOU DO IT :0

How do you write so smooth also? Like going from one scene to another makes total sense without there being a cut? (idk if i make any sense sorry ^^').

Finally, how do you explain feelings so well? Well not explaining directly but making us FEEL *looking at cyanide narwhal and i think you're so good (and i'm nothing like you)*. I think that the description of them interacting helps w it (like the way Zhongli looks at Ajax (i am melting please thats so cute-) but even the interaction between Ajax and the kids (big brother behavior)

oh god

i do always have a general idea on how the story is going to go, like what plotbeats i want to hit and what i want to happen. but since it's not a good idea to marry to one path, the details for how things happen or how we get from point a to point b specifically i usually come up with on-the-go, and i do leave room for modifications. like i have a million fic ideas and scenes i want to write but i never actually write any if i cannot picture two things: 1, what the point of it is (the main climax, the main mystery, etc), and 2, how it ends. (the reason why most wips don't make it past a couple chapters is bc i struggle to picture the ending accurately, or how to get there)

i genuinely have no idea how to explain the world building, i'm sorry lmao. if i really had to think about it, no joke, i think i'd say this was stardew valley's fault. yes you read that correctly. more specifically, the earmuffs item. now- it might not be evident as it is rn w the way i write, since it's been a while since i've started doing my worldbuilding like this and obviously it's evolved and gotten more complex w time, but- for those unaware, stardew isn't a game you play for the worldbuilding per se. for the deep world lore. especially pre-ginger island update (1.6?). but there IS worldbuilding, it's just you don't really see it, it's not the point of the game. you're there to grow crops tend to animals suffer in the mines and get a partner. that's it. but you know there's more outside the town and the valley. you know the biggest city nearby is called zuzu, you know what the sea is called, you know there is a war going on in the background, you know there is an empire involved, you know lewis might be the mayor of the town but he's still under the governor of the region. you know there's witches and spirits and elemental beings and aliens n shit. the fucking earmuffs were sort of like my epiphany years back bc their description says they're lined w artisanal velvet from castle village. what the fuck is castle village?? were you ever going to tell me about it outside of those fucking earmuffs? does it even matter? no. it doesn't matter. but just because it doesn't matter doesn't mean the earmuffs stop being an artisanal item from castle village. just because it doesn't matter what the sea is called doesn't stop it from being the gem sea specifically. the fact that you only care, gameplay-wise, about your farm and pelican town- it doesn't stop your country from being at war, from being called the ferngill republic. the world of the game exists outside of what matters to you for the plot. and so even if you're never going to find out some of these things if you don't look, they're going to be there anyway.

i don't know if that makes any sense. it probably doesn't LMAO a probably better way to explain it is like- write stuff the same way you hear our own world being talked about irl. does it matter for the 'plot' of your day if your mother says she's going to one specific supermarket? no. does she still call it by name? most likely. that's just how it works. you know it exists because this is the world you live in, regardless as to how much it matters to the actual 'plot'. it's not there exclusively to serve the purpose of aiding the plot, but because it's a part of your world and therefore must be connected to the world beyond you. the world will only read like it's lived in if the characters speak about it like they actually live in it.

i'm not actually sure that answers the question now that i think about it. it's just- i trully don't know how to answer it. i don't know what i'm doing that makes it interesting and not a complete mess to read even if it IS a complete mess. the only explanation i can think of is that: that i write the characters interacting with their world as though they actually live there. the plot is just something that happens to an already existing, already established world.

also i think you might be merging lore and worldbuilding with plot. yes, the worldbuilding and lore in my fics are absurd, but that alone i don't think would be hard to keep up with. it's the plot also being absurd what makes it seem like there's a lot going on at once (there is, just- in two different fronts). like there's not a million things happening at once in the worldbuilding - there's a million things happening at once in the plot. you're finding out a lot of stuff about the world at the same time, is the thing. anyway,

scene transition without the cuts being smooth i also am not sure how to explain. that's probably on me for not following scene structures properly tbh. so uh- no clue here chief, i'm sorry. i don't even have a guess as with the worldbuilding.

with the writing feelings i do have somewhat of a guess- it genuinely might be some undiagnosed brain fuckery i have. kinda like how the inside joke of asexuals being shockingly good at writing sex scenes goes. if you have a different-than-intended perspective on the stuff, it would probably lead to a different approach to writing it. but other than that i also am not sure

i think the main takeaway is i don't know shit LMAOOOOO

#anyway uhhh #i hope that was an interesting read even if i know i only answered like. one question properly #my bad #ily <3

26 notes · View notes

youreyeson1y · 2 months ago

Text

SIX— I BREATHED

cw — swearing, typos, ignore timestamps

STEAL THE SHOW. a kim seungmin smau

PREVIOUS < MASTERLIST > NEXT

MI’S NOTES — [17/10/2024] wow a lot has happened, GOLD is finally out and goddamn u better know im bangin my head to that choreo lol. im obsessed esp with bad girls r us and ofc vay!!! (changbin ate I’m afraid) (short rant coming up lolz — lovely runner & general update) and imaginary friend???? what. was that?!?! top #3 itzy songs im not even kidding I HOPE IT BLOWS UP BECAUSE DBASHDBH

also like small life update heh, when I first started w this, I was making these chs almost daily as I had a week off from school and nothing better to do (was surprised by my own consistency) but then just I had the biggest writer’s block after ch5 so i decided to take a break and I watched lovely runner these past two days !! (usually it takes a lot for me to finish a kdrama, but lr was the first time I binged watched a drama)

I was SIMPING UGH but could never be a bigger simp that sun jae (but I’ll be lying if I said that i didn’t have the biggest crush on the musician-playboy-bestie lolz like the seojun effect finally got me LIKE HES SUCH A CUTIE AND HIS SMILE?? AND THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? GOSH 😭😭😭) WHERE DO I FIND MEN LIKE SUN JAE OHMYGOD THEY DON’T MAKE THEM LIKE HIM ANYMORE IM AFRAID 🥲 both the men fr got me giggling and kicking my feet and shit, but the only difference is while musician-bestie guy would be like cocky and proud of himself for getting that reaction out of me, ik sunjae would be kicking his feet with me ohmygod he’s such a simp I’m getting flashbacks and falling in love w them all over again 😭😭 i’m so down bad (but could never compete w sunjae tho he set the standard for pining 🥲) i could really write an essay lol but I’ll stop for yalls sake 😮‍💨😍

and also this break gave me more confidence in my decision in getting a headstart by already making the first few chapters for this smau first before publishing it because I knew my ass could never enjoy a day-off without worrying about the next update and that’s how I wouldn’ve just felt obligated to update and lost my love for the story and feel burnt out and yeah… (can u guess I’ve given up on too many projects 😭)

anyway so that was me, sorry for the long ass a/n but just wanted to vent for a bit 🥲 past mimi signing off xx

SYNOPSIS — kang y/n’s focus was divided between the looming competition and the obnoxious and infuriating kim seungmin. his mocking and sarcastic online jabs sparked her retaliation, entertaining the university with their petty banter. but as their online repartee became routine, curiosity supplanted irritation, threatening her priorities and composure.

TAGLIST — open! (send in an ask to be added 🤍)

@babrieeee @starlostastronaut @charlieg1rl @queen-in-the-shadows @estella-novella @chocolateislife @saintcosette @yaniiiiism @gnabnahcbby @seungzmin @puppy-minnie @jeonginnieswifey @bookswillfindyouaway @keiizzx @hanniemylovelyquokka @jeonginplsholdmyhand

45 notes · View notes

marcia-11111 · 8 months ago

Text

Daffodils. III. The broken souls pt. 1

I apologize for the very late update, however last half a year was quite hectic and unstable for me - from a toxic job to the exams. But now, I'm better.

Tag list: @idk-bro-gay @kiopanxp @hellothere9597 @hsxhype @mareonyan @is2sae

TW!

Breakup, angst, and heartache

Sae Itoshi is a Japanese prodigy pursuing his dream of becoming the world's best midfielder. In the race to his own goals, he loses the person dearest to him: you.

(y/n) (l/n) - Sae’s ex-partner. You are an exchange student from a Spanish university who came to Japan. You met him a few years ago during your year abroad in Spain and became his partner. You have moved on, or you thought you had. However, what will happen when the one who wanted you to avoid him the most finds himself again in your life? Is he going to prove his love to you? Or will everything turn into another heartbreak? Does your heart want the Japanese prodigy back?

All "Blue lock" characters belong to the authors of the manga and anime "Blue lock".

Please don't translate, plagiarise nor use my works on other social media platforms, etc.

----------------------------

Trying to find a student job abroad was such a hassle. Only a couple of days have passed since you came to Japan in search of a peaceful year, having known of him not being fond of his homeland. However, fate is full of surprises.

For some, love was simply not a part of their destiny. It must've hurt, but it was the truth, especially for you. Why would a heart decide to suffer instead of leaving all the emotions behind?

You have already been jobhunting for a couple of hours, but everywhere seemed to be well-staffed or you're unqualified for the job. Regardless how hard you tried, you're left with no option.

"What a hassle." A sigh escapes your lips. Out of nowhere, a window pops out—a job offer for a soccer club manager, part-time. “Blue Lock? That popular programme?” You read it out loud. The description seems quite fitting, and you lack any other options. “But if it is soccer...” You released a sigh. No need to worry; the possibility of Sae coming there is low. You decide to apply. Fortunately, it's a smooth process that you could finish quickly.

“Now, there is some time for myself!” You chuckle and turn on the TV. The sight of the next minute causes you to flinch. “Sae…”

“Itoshi Sae, the prodigy midfielder’s last assist, caused Royale Youth to win against the FC Barcelona team; however, the soccer player refused the interview offer!” You sigh once more and load a (f/m) to watch. “No need to think about him.” Still, the lingering feelings in your heart remain unchanged, no matter how much time passes. A single tear streams down your cheek.

“...”

“Hah. What a time we had.” You focus on the movie instead, struggling to abandon the sadness in your heart.

Sae’s POV

Everything has seemed bland since that day I had discarded everything I deemed worthy of my attention. All of my life had lost its color. I destroy everything I came across as it should (not) be.

I walked across the beach aimlessly - the shore reminded me of the better days before Madrid, fame and the force of expectations, insatiable greed and hurtful pride. I became a hope of Japanese soccer, but… No, I am not like that. Whom I wish to fool? The outside world crushed me and molded in a form the child self of mine wouldn’t recognize, a cynical person whose mean words hide the hurt.

“Ugh.” I sigh. The sun shone brightly, blinding me for a moment. A moment later, I notice something (f/c) on the sand. Usually I wouldn’t give a damn about an item, but some unknown force convinced to pick it up. My eyes widen. “W-wait.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. It’s (y/n)’s handwriting. But how come they’re? Especially, after everything that has happened. I didn’t dare topen the diary, but when I stood up straight, a photo fell out. It looks drenched with tears. Tears, which didn’t have time to dry up yet. It means they’re here not that long ago. But how do I dare think about her? Finally, I leave the beach, hoping that my past mistakes wouldn’t haunt me.

46 notes · View notes

rougepearl · 6 months ago

Text

Chapter 1: Don't Fall,

❝𝘼 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙚. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙪𝙥?❞

Obsessive Behavior, Manipulation, Foreshadowing, Dark Content, Alcohol, References to Drugs, Misunderstandings, Out of Character, Kissing, House Party, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Relationship Issues, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Wordcount: 15,795

“Hi this is Katy Reeves, and today police still have not given us an update on identifying said body that was just found yesterday in a gruesome attack in an empty alleyway.”

“Reports say that the body was first found on the ground around two in the morning, when a group of young high school skaters were on their way back home after being late out at night.”

“But an anonymous witness that reported soon later after seeing our first broadcast, sent police a photo of what seems to be the body pinned onto this same concrete wall, with knives deep into their shoulders holding the body up against the wall.

With smeared writing from the same victim reading the words ‘For’ abbreviated in the number 4 and the letter ‘U.’

Allegedly this victim was a close friend. What police are trying to understand is that when arriving at the scene after reports from the boys, there were no traces of blood on the wall nor any weapons found.

But the same wounds… still in place.”

”Lets go over to Harold, to see a closer view of the current scene and what the skater boys have to say. Harold we’ll go over to you-“

You turn the TV off, you don't want to remember what the place even looks like.

Currently, you were staying over at your other friend's house. You're too scared to go back to your old apartment. Afraid that if the psychopath found out who you were, you'd be a danger too…

Looking over at the clock you see the time. It reads a quarter before three. “Shit…” You had almost forgotten that you had a meeting with a police detective today, even though they did tell you to try coming in early.

Grabbing a black coat you had hanging on the edge of your bed, in an attempt to keep your identity hidden. ’Who knows who could be out there…’

Once you had arrived at the station, you made sure to check around to see if anyone had seemed suspicious.

Walking inside you see the amount of people waiting around in the main lobby, knowing you were probably gonna be here a long time. In search for an open seat you hear someone call out your name

“Y/n?” Turning your head over, you see a man in a dark brown suit right behind a guarded door. “Ah, there you are… I need you to come with me.” He motions his hand asking you to come along, while he holds the door open.

You walk inside, going through many rooms only to end up in a hallway with many doors.

“-Please I'm begging you. You need to find out what happened to my son!!” The voice of an elderly woman can be heard from across. She catches your attention, holding a picture in her frail hands as she pleads to a trio of officers.

She seemed on the verge of completely breaking down and crying.

Slowly, you walk away but not taking big strides in your steps. “Joe, go unlock that room. Take her to room #12 and write down what she has to say.” One officer is seen telling another. as he pats his shoulder.

As you're walking, you try to get a glimpse of her ‘son’ in the photo. Almost breaking your neck in an attempt to see at least the face… “Y/n, over here!!” Cut off by another voice, the man you were supposed to follow directs you to enter the investigation room.

He sits down in his chair, adjusting himself. ”Have a seat… Care for a water?” Shaking your head, you reject politely. “No, thank you.” You take a seat down in the chair in front of the small desk, scooting away a bit as the sun hits your face.

“Detective Adam Freeman by the way.” He takes his hands and shakes it, kind of feeling awkward.

“Do you know why you're here today Y/n, L/n?” He says as he's seen pulling out a small yellow paper lined notebook and a pen.

“Uhm… It's about the photo I sent the other day.”

“Correct. Now, my team needs you to try to remember all the details possible as this might help with another case we have going on. So any information helps” He rests his arm on his desk waiting for you to speak, the pen in his other hand. Ready to jot down anything

“Oh uhm… I guess I have some things…” He nods, ready to hear anything and everything “Good. But first, what were you doing before this incident?” You pause for a moment, staring right into nothingness.

“Well, I had gone to the grocery store earlier. Got stuff like fruits, needed a lighter for a candle and I-“ He picks up the pen and begins to write something on the paper. Shit did you say something wrong? “And…I left the store with just those things…”

“What time did you arrive back home?” “Around 9 o'clock.”

“Was there anything weird on your way back home?” You shake your head.

“What about…any weird things happening before all of this?”

Your eyes slowly jart up to meet his. “Bingo!”

“Tell me about it Y/n… This is the place for you.”

You swallow a bit before speaking…Knowing he would still hear the nervousness in your voice either way. “Well, I would see strange things around my apartment. Like… I would leave my laptop open but sometimes returning back it would be closed and in a different place”

“…Chores around the house mostly. My plants would be freshly watered, dishes would be clean, stuff like that.”

His gaze on you continued, waiting for more to pour more out. But the way his contact with you… seemed heavy. And made you more curious as to whom this information could be referred to.

“You know…This thing that keeps me up at night… I had a feeling someone would enter my house and leave before I would wake up in the middle of the night.”

“I always used to find small scraps of paper notes around, I have a feeling someone actually might be. I always try to reassure myself that isn't the case but- I just can't anymore.”

He begins to jot down some more stuff on the paper, only hearing the smooth sound of the pen sliding across the paper. “Any bruises?” You shake your head. “Diagnosed medical conditions?” “No”

“Where do you currently reside?” “I'm with another friend right now.” ”Any description of the man regarding your friend's death?” A slow nod

He picks up his pen again, eager to hear more about your story. ”Whenever you're ready.”

“He looked tall… I saw him wear all black clothing…I know it's not very helpful but it's all I know.”

“Hm… I'm not really seeing any pattern here then…”

He sighs a bit before he crosses his arms and leans back on his chair.

”That’s okay though. I'll just set your report as a separate case. “

He rips the paper out of the notebook and begins to tidy up a bit. Handing you the white paper copy that was underneath the yellow one. “Don't lose that alright. Now… give me just a second.”

From below he pulls out a bunch of stuff from underneath his desk alongside a grey silver folder.

He places a medium sized box on top of the desk and takes a quick look. Making sure it's the right one.

As he opens the inside of the grey folder, you notice the dozens if not tens of polaroids, including a bunch of written documents that all seem to all have a small white square box on the top right corner with the fingerprints of certain people..

Heating the ruffling sound of the bags, he pulls out three specific bags. Eyes widening when you catch a glimpse of what's inside one of them..

“Alrighty’…Here we got these.”

He sets them down in a coordinated order, making sure they can be seen without being opened

“Please be aware any material cannot be taken out of this room, or even spoken of. In an attempt to do so, this room is being recorded and so is this conversation. This is also for the sake of our public's safety” His voice lowers down “… and your safety.”

You nod, and he begins to go from left to right with the contents.

Still turning your head around the room trying to figure out where the recording device may be…

“Okay, do you recognize this?”

“It's just a common pen with blue ink leaking everywhere?” He turns the bag to the side to further examine “Anything else?”

”Theres- theres a jagged piece right there.”

“And this! This was found in the small pocket of their shirt. Right on top of their heart.” He says as he motions with his hands a stabbing object right into his chest, not helping much.

That must mean the death wasn't directly from injury, but maybe toxic chemicals from a pen?

He sets that one aside and brings out the one on the far right side of the desk “We’ll ignore that one for now, I'm assuming this one concerns you the most.” He chokes out the last part out

”Yeah-Yeah, because it's mine.” “This retractable knife?” He grabs the bag from the sides bringing it up to you, waiting for an answer.

”Yeah it's mine. They said they needed one because they were going to be late out at night in the downtown region.” Shaking your head relentlessly trying to deny any suspicions of you.

He eyed you oddly, implicating something in his mind. Making you slam your hands on the desk and raise your posture “I would never attempt to murder my own friend, I gave it to them for their safety!”

A voice crack can be heard. As you deeply try to get rid of that image from your head, but it only seems to replay, especially right now.

Senses coming back to you, you sit down anguished. Darting your eyes to the side to avoid contact.

“Oh god… I'm a horrible person for letting this happen.” “Y/n, No- No you're not…” He places his hand on top of yours as he says that.

Fixing your glance to see him with tear filled eyes, He takes a deep breath, feeling pitiful for you.

“Well catch this guy.”

“Don't worry, we will”

_____

After what had been like hours, you were finally able to leave the station. Currently you were heading to your workplace.

Although your boss had told you to take a paid break from work, you didn't want to sit around and be constantly reminded of what had happened.

Luckily the same button shirt you had on, could be used as a uniform.

The pants were apart of the dress code, maybe if the shoes were a darker shade of brown too, but you doubt your boss would mind.

Walking through the cold air with your head down, holding down onto your coat trying to not let any of the breeze enter through your sleeves.

You wouldn't want to be sniffling around clients' plates.

As you arrive at the small but spacious place, you take a deep breath, preparing yourself for the rush that's about to come.

Entering an alleyway, you walk over to a metal door, knocking on it.

Not too far away from an enormous empty bin that's waiting to be filled by the end of today.

As the door opens you greet your co-worker as he allows you in.

Just taking a step inside, you immediately hear a familiar voice.

“L/n, Catch!!” A bowtie is thrown in your direction falling onto the floor since you didn't react quick enough. Picking it up from the floor you adjust it onto your neck, and turn your attention back to the girl who threw it over in the first place.

“Do I look good? No flyaways, nothing?”

“Yes, yes you do! Now hurry, those plates over there need to go to table 5 by the windows.”

Nodding in response you head over to the counter and grab the three plates, placing them on a tray.

Walking past the kitchen doors you instantly take in all the people seated who are laughing or doing some chitter chatter.

That was one thing you always noticed around here.

That there was always a huge difference in the rich and in the poor. Behind the kitchen doors, was the majority of society.

Working ass, in hopes to make a living.

And to the opposite was stress-free. Those that came in would have reservations ready. Sit at a table, and have a fool working at their pleasure.

Noticing some of your co-workers coming to work tired.

Barely alive to the point where they could stay awake.

By the time the hours shift was done, everyone would go home dreadful.

It is also why you never picked the daytime or bar time schedule.

It was the best if not maybe better schedule than the other two shifts available.

After giving people their plates, you head back to the main entrance of the restaurant , awaiting for new guests to seat them.

Even if there was just an hour or two before you could leave…even if you didn't want to-

“L/n, Jen clocked out early, she had to take care of something, go take over that table by the window in the corner.”

“But I'm still serving plates-“ “I don't see them? Now go.” You sighed in annoyance at your bosses request. Going back inside to the dining room itself, not even caring to look for the table. As it catches your attention by the young gentlemen looking around.

“Weird…” Muttering, you walk over with a pen and a small notebook in your hand.

”Good Evening, my apologies but I'll be serving you now, your old one had to take an early out.” His eyes are the only thing you can pick up slightly as he is looking across the menu, almost covering his entire face

“So anything to drink for now?”

He lowers the menu down and places it on the table flat. He stares at you for a little before he looks down. With his finger he points to the corner of the menu

“Thursday's Special please.”

“Got that, anything else?” “No that’ll be all.”

“Gotcha’ I'll be back in a few minutes.” You grab the small menu from the table and walk back over to the kitchen.

As you made it back over, you and a couple others around noticed one of the main chefs going on break early. In a rush to head outside with their phone on a call.

You looked around and saw others doing the same, wondering what was probably going on.

”Think it's an emergency?” “Probably… She usually never goes on break early.”

”I'll get on the dishes then in the meantime.”

”Ay, I need a special.” “Add an extra plate as well.” You shouted across the kitchen hoping the ones tending to the food would hear.

“Got it.”

Either way, no matter what you did, those around seemed to always ask why you would still show for work.

But a work friend was always there to stop rumors from spreading

“Stop being so nosy.”

“Y/n, you don't have to tell us anything.” He times a small pat on your shoulder before he tells you the food is ready.

Grabbing the plate and going back out into the dining room. Instantly locking eyes with the man in the corner as you head over to his table.

“Here ya’ go. Anything else I could serve you with sir?”

“I'm good, thank you. “ But before leaving to go and attend other tables he begins to speak again. “Your names Y/n? Right?”

A tedious feeling overcomes you and to your stomach for a bit, as you’ve never met this man ever in your life before. But trying to keep your cool and respond with a smile on your face.

“I've heard about you… From a friend.” He says as he grabs the spoon from the table and begins to eat his meal ”Hah…hah… really now?”

“Yeah… I didnt think you would work here! How splendid, I might just come here more often.”

The smile on your face can't be contained any longer a bit, you had to find an excuse. ”Yeah… Sorry but I have to go to other tables if you could please excuse me-.”

Just as you're about to leave his voice is heard again “Sit down, I insist.”

‘Ugh, just let me go freak.’

”Oh I wish I could but I’d get in trouble sir and I-“ “Trust me you wont…” He reaches into his inside pockets of his coat and pulls out a small folded amount of money wrapped in a rubber band. “This should cover it right?”

Staring at the folded money and taking a closer look without leaning in too much, you see the wrapped band to be in hundreds.

“I guess so… But let me talk to my boss first.” He grabs onto your arm again. “Don't worry I already did. Please sit!”

Seeing how no excuse could get you out of this, you finally decide to pull the other chair out and sit down.

This was awkward, you were getting stares from people around who noticed the situation going on. How unfortunate

His hand slides the rolled and wrapped band over to you, before speaking again. “From the roll, keep 400 to yourself, don't let anyone know. The rest split it evenly amongst your little work friends.”

“But isn't this too much?”

He smirks as he places his spoon down on the charger plate, creating a loud ring to be heard before looking back at you “Trust me Y/n…”

“You'll need it…”

____

What a creep!

As the shift ended, you began to pack your bag alongside the other workers. As the bar shift employees started to slowly roll in through the kitchen door as the clock kept getting nearer to the twenty third hour.

Normally you'd be glad that your six your shift would be over, but all your mind could keep replaying was that man and his words.

He made you sit with him for a whole two hours, and all he would talk about is classicals, literature, before going on a rampage about how he truly has no friends.

His whole idea of friends was using acquaintances to get his needs, and to get out alive.

And if you thought he’d be quiet about it, you'd be wrong. He was talking loudly, making sure those around who wanted a good eavesdropping would hear.

By the time he decided to leave, you ran back to the kitchen and everyone had been asking what happened…

But he kept you wondering what he meant by you being in ‘others hand.’

“So? Tell us!” Head out of the clouds you turn back over to the three people packing up for the night who were eager to know what happened.

“I…-I don't know, actually.”

”Oooo I think someone has a crush!!” “God please don't say that.”

Almost done packing your work clothes inside your bag, you almost forgot what he had told you to do.

You pull out the stash of money he had given you, handing it over to one of your peers “Here, he told me to share this amongst you guys.”

Looking up from your hand, you see their awestruck faces “Is something wrong?”

”…We were already given 500 each for the night, I think that's meant for you… I'm not sure but keep it hidden from the others. Or else they'll fight you over it”

“Yeah… Just keep it, think of it as a 800 dollar tip!”

”You know what,,, yeah you're right.” Sighing, you place it at the bottom of your tote bag.

“I'll be leaving then, see you guys next week” “Bye!” “Bye bye”

Grabbing your bag and placing it over your shoulder, you head out into the dark city once again.

The sky that is supposedly filled with stars that you couldn't see due to your city's light pollution.

The hours when danger would lurk around the most.

But is it really dangerous if you knew everything and have been living here your whole life?

Thankfully the rail system in your city ran as late until past midnight. So you'd usually just wait at a stop and hop on.

Walking alone at night wasn't that bad, it gave you time to relax and actually take a walk.

Wander through your thoughts about life, freedom, and dignity.

But you do have to thank your boss as well, as he knew the dangers at night.

Which is why you and the others were provided with the dark hoodies, black masks, and any sort of garment that could cover anything specific.

Especially since there's been recent reports of missing people.

Violence in crime rates had only increased since the last two years.

Although nothing ever happened.

That never meant you were a hundred percent safe.

At some point,

You were always able to hear the faint footsteps of someone behind you. They always seemed to be around 20 feet away from you all the time.

At some point you tried believing it was someone ‘protecting’ you. But one would be in delusion if they actually thought that.

Although, you vividly remember this one night.

You haven't ate anything and your boss gave you a small wrapped sandwich from the leftover ingredients. Eating it on your way to the station you remember encountering a stray man who kept yelling at you.

Demanding to give your sandwich to him.

Due to your clothes you came off as a man.

Resulting in getting a whopping ‘light’ punch on the bottom lip.

This is why you could never be left alone, because then you'd get lost in thought and lose reality for a second and later be some victim of some attack; Verbal or physical.

Especially when it comes to people, judging their habits. Whether they were good or bad. It always led you to the same conclusion that not all people were born corrupt, but some maybe just had a bad experience that led them to that fraction in life…

But if bad experiences lead them to that demise, why are you the way you are? Should you be like the rest, or should they be more like you?

You thought you knew a lot about people, but you couldn’t be sure. You never wanted to speak up on what your feelings were. Or ever ask any questions regarding these same feelings.

Some days you would just ignore it. Ignore the feeling of nostalgia from doing something relatively similar years and years ago.

It was a tender yet bittersweet thing.

To be able to remember the past, but still enjoy the things that would soon come to the current ‘future’ you had dreamed of before.

It was so weird, how so many years of living still wouldn't be able to dismiss the body’s soul on the inside

Arriving at your friend's apartment, you drag your body over to the couch and take some time to finally relax. “God… today was so tiring and weird and- ugh…”

Whilst laying down on the couch, you realized how distant you’ve been with your friend lately. She was probably asleep in her room by now. And if she wasn't it was probably because she went over to her boyfriends instead. She was always out of the house for your own comfort.

Since she wants to make sure you have your “own little place” to hang around safely for now, until you can find another apartment. Cause there was no way you were going back to your old one…

Finally turning your head over to look at the ground, contemplating on whether you should clean or not, with further inspection you see scraps of paper and dust around the center

Maybe your friend stopped by.

Upon cleaning up with a broom and a dustpan picked up from nearby, throwing the mess away in the trash can inside one of the kitchen counters.

God your legs were sore from too much walking.

Right now… all you wanted was rest.

Peace and quiet.

_____

Attempting to stay awake early in the morning on a Sunday isn't easy. After all, it was your fault. While your friend was about to head out, she asked if you wanted to tag along.

But instead you decided to schedule a meet with Adam at this open cafe nearby, having the desire to talk with him about something urgent from memories from a last couple of nights

Entering the cafe looking around, you don't see him anywhere. Still you proceed to go ahead and form in line.

Stepping to the front of the small line you are greeted by a young girl who seems to be wearing a cute kind of hairstyle with all sorts of hair accessories.

”Hi what can I get ya’?” Looking up at the menu, the majority of it is just the same kind of coffee with extra add-ons.

It was a cafe after all, but the fruity drinks are what mostly caught your attention. “Just a strawberry smoothie please.”

“Gotcha, will that be all?” Nodding in response you grab the money from the back of your phone case. “Total will come out to 6 25…”

Handing her a large bill, you notice her cheerful smile turn into an awkward one.

”Oh…I'm so sorry I don't have any change right now. Do you have a smaller bill?”

“Uhm… Let me check, hold on!!”

As you're turning a bit to the side you check your pockets, you hear the bell of the door ring a couple of times, signaling more customers coming in and standing right behind you.

You even checked your phone case again, in hopes something might appear.

‘Fuck’

Tough luck… Seemed like you wont be getting anything today.

Looking back at the young girl who just stood there waiting, you sigh before uttering slowly

“…I'm sorry I don't seem to have anything-“

A man in all black steps up to the front, catching your attention

”I got you, charge mine. Make sure to add a black coffee there too.”

Not seeing anything but the back of a tall man with his phone out near the reader.

“Thank you! Your orders will be ready in a bit!” She goes to the back and in no time starts preparing the drinks.

The mysterious man walks away from the front of the store and makes his way to the few tables and chairs.

“Hey!” He stops in his steps, not turning around yet.

Just as he stops, you feel a weird gut feeling about him for a second, but you still went ahead and continued on. “I just want to say thanks for paying for my drink, I don't know what I would’ve done there.”

“Honestly it almost seems like you're an angel here to save my life.” You hear chuckling coming from the man, he turns to face you and instantly you strucken back. Eyes widening slightly at seeing him.

“It was no problem Y/n.”

You try to awkwardly laugh it off but the small light bulb of realizations hits you… “Haha…Wait, how do you know my name?” Asking him as you point his finger at him.

‘Hm? Oh you don't know?”

Shaking your head he chuckles lowly. Something feels off, but you arent sure. Maybe its just the idea of meeting a new person, yeah. But someone who knows your name before you even say something…?

“You submitted that photo to that news agency didn't you?” After saying that he notices the visible uncomfort on your face.

Lowering his voice to a much calmer one.

”News reporters found out who you were, they were just talking about you earlier this morning.”

“Don't tell me you didn't notice people looking at you today did you?” He crosses his arms ”No not really.” “Hm”

”One black coffee and a smoothie!” Can be heard yelled out from the front of the store.

”Here uhm, find us a seat and I'll tell you everything about it. I'll grab our drinks. Got it?”

He assures you and walks off

“...Mm, yeah sure.” You say under your breath as he leaves for a second.

Walking over to a small little table right by the window that shows a view of the street and the city, you can only wonder how its even legal in any way for them to have posted your name without you even knowing…

Who knows what else was shown… God this was not going to go well was it…

Just as you ponder in thought, your phone chimes.

Seeing the message from Adam, saying he won't be able to make it, at least not today.

”Hm…”

Swiping and beginning to type a response, trying to keep professional l with him. If only you were able to see the distressed look on your face

’Something wrong? Boyfriend issues or what?” Looking up from your phone you see the man with his drink and yours. Placing your phone down instantly trying to deny any assumptions. “No, no. Not at all. Just a friend.”

“Ah, just a friend? Those never go well. Just the way you were looking at your phone and stuff.”

”Oh no no no. I don't have one, at least not yet…”

“Wow, I'm surprised. You seem like the type to have guys fawning over ya’ ”

You could only gawk at his statement, trying to not seem uneasy around him.

“The name is Nikolai by the way.”

“Y/n… but it seems you already know that.” You smile at him, and all he can do is only reciprocate.

“So… Nikolai, right?” Hearing a small mhm from his lips. You proceed to continue

“Where did you even hear about what you were telling me earlier?”

“Oh right, I was walking downtown in some store I was at earlier had it playing”

He becomes aware of how you're hearing him closely. Not really moving your attention elsewhere.

“They were recapping stuff that had happened before. Trying to shine light on it. Then youre name and face were shown.”

“Did they show that photo again?... You know the one with the-" "It was censored but your name and photo id weren’t!”

He seemed way too joyous towards the end of saying that.

“But I've seen worse.- Uhm, not like that. I just happen to live in those lofts near. Police had shown up and said we couldn’t host anymore parties, saying it may disrupt the hunt…”

“-Wait wait wait, the big buildings? You're that rich enough for a loft but you get coffee from here?” You speak as he grabs his cup and takes a huge sip.

“Well, the coffee is good here isn't it?” He smirks as he licks the corner of his mouth a bit. You try to ignore that part and wonder more about what this man possibly has.

“Places change, people change. I like stuff that keep true to themselves.”

Silence fills the air for a little, while he takes another sip of his coffee and your hands are fiddling with the straw inside the plastic cup.

Nikolai decided to break that silence by asking another question, regarding information about the situation you were going through.

”About your problem by the way, I could help you. I know some people around these areas that are well into this kind of stuff.” He spoke as his finger poked your shoulder.

“I'm not sure… I just kind of want to do my own thing. I'm afraid they might find my new place…”

“New place?”

”It's not actually mine, it's a friend she's uh- shes uhm how do I say this… She’s basically letting me stay there until I get this solved out. But she's usually almost never home.”

His eyes widened a bit, looking surprised. “Really? How come?”

“She's letting me stay like … Like an air bnb sort of thing.”

Quick to respond he tilts his head a bit to the side “Where does she go then?” “Usually with her boyfriend. He has an apartment and she says I'm also doing her a favor as well, since she's also been trying to move in with him as well.” You look down at your drink. Continuing to swirl it around.

You could feel his gaze upon you, but you don't mind. He sighs, proceeding to look at the window staring at the ambience ahead. But eventually his face brightens up, almost as if he had an idea.

“Hey I got a solution for you. “ “Hm?”

“See I don't just own one loft but I own a couple in this one place. I could maybe find a reasonable deal and get you moved in! How does that sound?” He grins, his face close to yours but you don't really notice as the thought lingers in your head.

Leaning back just a bit though.

“I wish, but I dont think even a ‘ reasonable price ‘ would be available in my pockets.” You joke around, letting out a small chuckle.

Soon enough, you see Nikolai beginning to look around the place. Looking back at you trying to hint something at you.

“Place is starting to get packed, want to go on a walk or something?” You say, looking up at him. He only smiles

While you two are walking down the sidewalks, admiring the taller buildings, suddenly you're both getting stopped by a man who seems to be in a rush.

“Excuse me, sorry, but do you know where this place is?”

The man shows his phone to you, with a message showing an address.

“Oh yeah it's-.” Getting cut off, Nikolai redirects the man the other way. “Go down the street, make a left, it's the blue restaurant.”

“Thank you!” He says as he begins to head over in a hurry

Nikolai continues walking, almost leaving you behind. But you catch up to him and begin to walk at his pace. ”How did you know?”

“Hm?”

”How did you know where that was at?” ”Oh that place? I have a friend that likes that place. Why something the matter?”

He looks down slightly grinning at you, “No I was just wondering, because I work there that's why?”

“Oh really, what are you like the cook? Bartender? Ooo owner?” He laughs towards the end, only making you laugh too

“I wish, I'm just a waitress, a host whatever you wanna call it. Nothing special.”

A confused look sets on his face

“...Hm, that doesn't make sense…” “Huh? What doesn't?”

”Last time I went I saw everyone’s face but yours? Don't tell me you're trying to impress me by saying you work at that fancy place?”

“What! No, no… I do work there! I'm just on paid leave until you know… my situation calms down. But I do go once in a while, just to get my mind off things!”

He hums before he speaks again, this time seeming more genuine. “ Y/n…Do you even know where we're going?”

Looking up at him responding “No, I don't actually.” “Great! Cause neither do I.”

You laugh at his remark and you continue to clutch your hands around your body since it was a pretty chilly day, the sun isn't out, it was rather cloudy with the sky being a soft shade of light grey.

But it wasn’t that cold, still you didn't bring a jacket so you were shivering like a little cold bird in the winter.

While he was talking about something specific, you weren't paying attention but much rather wondering how you’ve never met Nikolai before, like in a run-in. Or by coincidence.

Usually you're better with faces than with names. But like he said, he lives on the high roofs while you have your little tiny apartment.

Makes you wonder what he does for a living…

Maybe he could fill you in on that too

As you both continued walking, he asked if you wanted to sit down somewhere and you agreed by that one small little center in the middle of the city, where the view of most buildings were nice.

Once he had found a spot to sit at and talk about random stuff, you couldn't get this one question out of your head regarding himself.

”Hey Nikolai… Don't take this personal but what's up with the uhm…” Motioning your finger around your eyes, he took it as a shock, almost like he forgot what he even looks like.

“Oh my eyes?” A sigh comes from his mouth, soon to be followed by a joyful smile. “Everyone asks about them. I actually don't know either. “

“And what about the scar-” ”Long story.”

“Huh? You're not gonna tell a dramatic story?”

“Nope.” He emphasizes a popping sound at the end “And ‘ dramatic? ‘ It was anything but dramatic.”

He rolls his eyes a bit in a playful manner.

Bringing your head up, you point your finger to his head. “And the hair?… Did you dye it?”

“What is this an interrogation?” He laughs at you before continuing “Short story actually, it was an accident. “

“Accident?”

“In my earlier years someone tried dying my hair a lavender color as a prank, which didn't work out.

”Oh… It never grew out? “ “Nope.”

Silence fills the air again, the birds chirping and the leaves swaying could be heard, until he decides to bring out a question as well

“And you? Why’s your hair like that?”

That came out of nowhere.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Placing your hand over your head touching your hair. “It's all messy, is it a new look I'm not aware of?”

You instantly started to pat your hair down with your hands out of embarrassment “No I just- no what!”

Catching you off guard again, he pats your shoulder

“I'm just messing with you!”

His laugh dies down eventually, and takes a deep breath of the cold air and breathes it out. Still giggling a little.

While he does that you take a chance to really take a close look at him.

His eyes were really deep, you can hint that out from the side. But you can also see his nice lashes that he has. The way they compliment his mismatched eyes.

”Not gonna say anything? What’s got you starring?” Your face becomes heated as if you didn't think he would actually notice. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to…”

“That's why I'm laughing! God you're fun to mess with.”

The teasing only continued until you decided it was way too cold outside, and wanted to go home now.

He heard of this and in result gave you his black coat he had on, and then asked if you wanted a ride home

You told him it was fine, that you would walk alone. It wasn't that far away

But Nikolai insisted on taking you home

“So this is your old spot?”

“Yeah, it's a really small place but I find it comforting…” You two gaze above at the small apartment complexes.

“Hey it's better than nothing, at least yours doesn't have music playing twenty four-seven.”

He begins to pick up his pace leaving you behind for a little.

“Huh? Hey wait!” You run a bit to catch up to him

Continuing on your way to your current place, you two talk endlessly about how different each other's lives were.

Nikolai would always bring up how it's almost never quiet where he lives. He mentions that the people below him are always getting ‘turned on’ whatever that means.

Until he specified in a party-like way.

He would talk about these lavish parties that only invited people could enter, but how after one they allow anyone in with as long as they had something to contribute.

“It wouldn't be your kind of thing honestly.” He says, as he continues to ramble on.

Especially about how he lived.

Though it was fascinating to hear. Realizing how differently a person could live from another even being from the same place.

You did catch one thing about him though. He never once mentioned ever taking a day to go to work.

He just decides to go to places if he feels like it .

But he's also a man with genuine feelings. “You know, in my free time I tend to take care for these two plants I have.”

“But they're not in my home, rather in a separate place to really preserve them.”

“Really? What kind?”

He ignored your question, swerving around it

“Just some special ones of some sort”

It was almost like he didn't want to talk about himself, so he would ask questions about you.

Little questions that would soon unfold into deeper questions that you didn't even know he was playing at.

You were glad that by the time he would ask more personal questions, you were already at your current stay.

You had even made him let you go just 10 feet away from the entrance lobby.

But still waited for you to get inside safely.

“I'm home!” Not a word from your friend was ever heard.

So you assumed she was probably staying with her boyfriend again, since she only usually updates you on certain stuff.

As evening set upon, you had kept chatting with this ‘new’ guy you had met just before Nikolai.

From months of knowing him he seemed to be sweet.

Though he did have a bit of an ego towards you.

But if you remember correctly he was most likely trying to start an attorney business, of some sort…or something along those lines.

You have gone out with him a couple times before. Most of the time it was events that happen on those nice streets, like the markets, pop ups, and just hanging around each other. But really just as friends.

However, one time he seemed nervous around you, and that was because he was stuttering to ask you if you could be his plus one, again.

’To what?’ You remember asking him, and he had mentioned some gathering that he was invited to.

Of course you told him yes! Even if you hated them, you just wanted to be around him more often.

So for the next two days, you were wanting for the first of December to come by already.

Though you were still concerned about Nikolai, what would you do with him?

There was something about him that made him hold a special place amongst your other friends. You couldn’t pinpoint it but he was there somewhere.

Still you wanted to keep him close.

Maybe because you'd accidently bump into each other often, walking in and out of coffee shops or bars.

“Need a ride home?”

Is what he would always say whenever he would see you around at night.

And you'd hear him rambling about how too many cars pick up ‘pretty’ girls late at night. Those talks were fun though.

But sadly enough, those times came to an end when Adam had been calling you in more recently, including today.

Now you were here, in his office again, sitting down as he scattered through some file work.

”Well, I got good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

”The good news first.” “Alrighty…” He sat down in his chair after grabbing a folder and opened it, laying it flat out on the table for you. “See this right here” He pointed his finger to a picture in the corner, then dragged his finger across to another in the bottom left.

“This right here is evidence!” He seemed joyous saying that.

But your eyes kept jotting from corner to corner trying to figure out what he meant by that.

“Evidence of what?”

“Okay see this, it's a stitch in one of the victims clothing, and this one right here, is also a sewed stitch…”

He points his finger more closely, directly to where he wants you to see

Looking at the two pictures again, you do notice a slight difference

“They’re… not the same…” “Exactly! This one is a little lighter, meaning it could be nylon, and this one-“

“The color looks darker.”

”Right, we found this hidden inside one of the city's garbage bins just around… maybe 20 feet away from the incident. And from checking surveillance cameras around, we were able to be sure that his jacket was indeed his.”

You take a closer look at the photo, and could see that the lighter stitch seems to be around the chest pocket of the jacket.

“That’s amazing, oh my god. I- I can't believe it!”

Come upon, there was a hint of joy in your eyes. “That means- So you know who did all of this now right?”

His eyebrows grew worried, a look of concern on his face. He looked down at the photo again, grabbing it out of the clear folder pocket. “About that; The bad news… we can't identify who.”

“Look, we checked any cameras around including those that aren't from the city… Seems our culprit had found a blind spot.”

“What about after? Please tell me you found something!” He ignores you for a quick second and glances over to the side and reaches to turn on the small tv beside him.

“Look, give me a second, let me get the tape. I need to show you this.”

He pulls out a small tape from his drawer and inserts it inside the bottom line of the television, and makes sure it faces the two of you.

”Okay look right there… There!”

Covering your mouth, you continue to look intently at the screen, watching everything unfold right before your eyes,

His hands over his chest, as he walks over to the big wall right behind him. Seeing how the figure breathes heavily, and hearing the distorted groans in the background.

How he was basically hurting even in an attempt to walk straight. He decides to rest and sit down by the wall. Still holding his hand over his chest, until he coughs and his own fluids are being tossed out from his mouth.

“Agh-A- Im… S-sorry ugh…”

“…Please, dont - l-leave!” His voice can be heard becoming deeper as he looks over to his left side. Soon enough a large cry is heard, screaming with all his pain out the window.

Clutching onto his shirt even more, he rolls onto the wall with his back against it. As the piercing cry for help just echoes.

A few more demands are heard, his begging and pleading only becoming more frantic as the tape goes on longer. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Causing a trail of dampness on the collar of his shirt.

One last line could be heard, every word spoken only becoming quieter.

“Don't leave… me…” His voice was heard,

one last time.

The tape comes to an end, and you're left sitting there looking at the screen without any display of emotion.

Just sitting there.

Adam can see the stoic look on your face, the look of defeat that you couldn’t be there to help.

He runs the tape a little back, and you look down at your folded hands, pressing your lips together.

“Y/n, look here”

A black hood can be shown in the footage before it cuts out.

”After that none of the cameras functioned well. Once they begin to work properly we can see your ‘friend’…laying there.”

His eyes avert to you for a second, only to see your glare at the screen as the tape continues.

Thought filled your mind.

Wondering who this could be… What if it was someone from work? Maybe the other waiter they fired back when you started working. The creepy driver that sometimes parks outside the apartments late at night… Or your psycho ex you had broken contact with years ago.

“Miss Y/n?”

Your eyes start to become tear filled

“Sorry I just- I need some time to think all of this…I- I don't know why this is all happening to me…”

Why did it have to be you?

What was so wrong in your past life that you now have to carry this burden on your shoulder.

”It'll work out fine dont worry come here.” Immediately as he says that, you go and hug him.

Trying not to get his collared shirt wet from your tear stained cheek, he brushes your hand and pats your shoulder. Resulting in only crying more.

His taller structure and older features, he felt like a parental figure.

Sometimes you wonder if maybe the reason you trusted Adam so much was because you weren’t really open with your own parents growing up.

Maybe he did have all of this under control.

All you wanted was pure genuine affection, even if it came from a stranger.

_______

The evening sunset had finally gone down. It's been about an hour or two since you left the station. Adam continued to talk about the mystery person.

He had seemed to have made a drawback to when he had noticed a similar pattern somewhere else but couldn’t remember it, thus ending the conversation in disappointment again.

But at least you were closer to finding out who it was. Right?

Just as you were about to head to a sidewalk and call for an Uber, you remembered that there wasn't any food at home.

“Fuck… Where’s a nearby open market…”

Muttering lowly as you continue to look around for an open one.

”There's one on 6th Street near the Art Walk.” A passerby yelled just before passing you. “Oh- Thanks.”

It was already late but you needed some produce to make something later in the morning.

”Fuck Im so tired…” Upon arriving, your legs were already sore from walking. You took a deep breath first before entering the store.

First look and you realize… This is the wrong kind of market…

God, no wonder it was still open…that guy gave you directions to a bodega market, not an actual market market where they sell fruits and vegetables…

Though, the guy working behind the counter kept a close eye on you.

Probably thinking you would steal something then run out. So you stayed a little bit.

Wandering around the little store, you picked up some frozen grapes and dish soap…. Since you did remember there was almost none back home.

And the grapes, probably would keep you filled until tomorrow morning, and maybe you'll go to the produce market early morning,

even if it means waking up early…

“How much?” You placed the small box of grapes and the dish soap on the counter As he counted up the price you kept looking at the window, not paying much attention to the clerk.

You felt this strange feeling… -nine.”

“Huh, pardon?” Seven twenty nine.”

You reached into our pockets and pulled up some cash, handing it over to him.

He looked at you oddly before grabbing your grapes and the bottle of soap and placing them inside a little bag.

Just as you were about to leave you heard the man's voice again.

“Hey, be careful out there. Lot of people been going missing recently.”

Turning around you face him again, just before going through the door.

“Oh, thank you sir!”

Heading out the door, instantly the cold breeze of late November hit your face.

Getting a strong grip of the black plastic bag you made sure your hood was on, and tried not to show your face too much as you began to walk down the streets.

Every crosswalk and intersection you came across, you had made sure to look and glance at every place around you possible.

You felt safe for a moment

But either way if something were to happen…

Basically no one, no one could help you right now.

Even if your life was on the line.

Peeping around you saw that almost all the cars around were empty.

All except for

…one?

Squinting your eyes to dim the bright streetlights around your peripheral vision, you saw a tall dressed figure in all black close the trunk to their car.

They remained standing still for a second, until they opened the car doors to the back seats.

Remarkably you were able to see a few familiar strands of hair.

It looked like a pale yellow under the far away light that was dimming the place…

Unsure of the figure, you approached slowly.

Walking at a normal pace but not really paying attention over to the figure just in case.

Once you got a glimpse of the face, you finally were able to recognize…

… “Nikolai?”

Seeing them frantically turning their head around, once stopping as soon as they saw you across the sidewalk.

”Y/n?”

‘That voice…It was him! But, why the black mask? ‘

”…Y/n? Why are you out here?”

Walking over to him he stumbled over to the other side of the car, leaning on the back doors.

He pulled his hood off and then pulled his mask down. Questioning you why you were right where you were standing

“-I had to get something real quick I didn't have- Wait, why are ‘you’ here?”

“I had to take my trash out because the ones by my place were too full.” He crossed his arms, his face seemingly more pale.

You repeated his action and then tilted your head to the side, looking behind him “In there?” You said as you pointed your finger to the small garbage bin that was inside an alleyway.

He held eye contact for long, not moving a single muscle on his face.

His eyes would advert to the sides of your face, that is until he bursted out laughing.

Catching you off guard, you take a step back.

His arms holding his stomach as he continues to laugh in your face.

‘Is this the same Nikolai I met the other day?’

“Sorry, I couldn't help myself. You just had such a serious face, what else could I do?”

He calmed himself down before speaking again, you weren’t sure what to really do in this situation so you stood there…

”My bad… Inside here I have some tools. Gardening tools actually.”

“I figured why not have it in the back already so I don't have to wake up extra early.”

“Mhm.”

Arms still crossed, he took a quick look at you again before asking another question

“So, about your-” “So can I get a ride? I rather not walk today.”

Showing your hands clasped together, you look up at him hoping for an answer that'll satisfy.

Without responding, he walks over to his car and opens the passenger seat door and faces your standing body again.

“So? Prefer walking?”

During the car ride home, it seemed all he could talk about was his wonderings for you being this late out even though you had already told him why.

At every stop he would constantly look over to you and take quick glances that you did notice.

You weren’t sure why but as much as you tried to relax your body, you really couldn't due to how stiff you were from trying not to be awkward around him.

Though it seemed like you weren't alone either, noticing how fidgety Nikolai was in his seat.

But it looked like he was nervous about something else.

You had asked if he had something on his mind.

There was silence for a bit, until Nikolai had asked what made you think that.

Contemplating a bit before responding back…you kept your head forward but kept looking at him through your side view.

You noticed his eyes kept darting from the road to the streetlights to the sidewalks to the pedestrians walking by.

”…I don't know, you just seem anxious…”

“Me? Don't worry about me!” His head gestured to look at you for a bit before turning back and continuing

“I just had a little fight with someone earlier. “

”A fight? As in… physical?“

“No, no. Verbally, although…” His chest inflamed up, taking a big deep breath before exhaling it long out through his lips “Although, I was hit in the process of it. Not badly, but still got hit.”

“Wait really where?!”

His eyes kept on the road, but he turned his head down and leaned towards you a bit. Raising his eyebrows quite a bit

In a quick glance you were able to see the small pinkish purple bruise just near his eyebrow bone.

Your hand went to your open mouth as you just stared there with open eyes.

You hadn’t even noticed it when you came up to him,

”Yeah it was a bad blow… But we ended it off in…” His eyes darted down to his hands that were on the steering wheel.

“ I would say okay terms.”

“What did you two even fight about?” “Oh that, just some personal hobby I like to do…”

He stopped the car in the middle of the two-way turn lane of the road. He kept one hand on the wheel whilst the other leaned against the car seat.

”But it's okay, they’re not my problem anymore. I finally got them out of my life now.” ”Huh?” A confused look came upon your face

”Do you mean… you cut contact with them off?”

“Something like that, yeah. You know, sometimes you have to get rid of those toxic people in your life before they grow on you.

Before they cause harm to your wellbeing.”

“Sometimes… they do more damage than good to you.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right…”

Turning your head over to look around the car, it just came to you where he had stopped the car. “Oh shit! We’re here already?”

”Stay there, I'll get it.”

“Such a gentleman!” Giggling toward the end

“I know huh?”

Ever since last night, that's all you were able to think about.

And the idea of starting to develop feelings kept being shuttered away by your own mind

But you think you were starting to like him… Even if it meant he probably only sees you as a friend.

And as much as you tried not to remember him, the music that was playing out of someone's earphones nearby kept reminding you of him whether you wanted to be reminded or not.

The older man sitting across from where you were seated on his way to work, his attire resembles his quite a bit.

Almost everything reminded him of you. And you wanted to avoid that, you wanted to deny these feelings.

Your head said one thing, but your heart thought differently.

As the train came to a stop, you grabbed your small bag that you brought with you and got up, leaving to exit.

It was a bit earlier than your usual morning wake up time, so a lot of people coming in and out of the big station were mostly people rushing to go to work.

Or some crying and screaming as they latch onto people waiting outside. Assuming maybe a friend or relative who hasn’t seen the other in a long time.

Made you wish you had someone to depend on that much.

But as you continued to venture outside, you kept looking out for more things that were happening around.

The small circular mini park where events happen and musicians or talented groups come together to showcase their performing arts. How they were already setting up the lamp posts with colorful ribbons and decorations.

While the big circular kiosk in the center had small little lanterns and faux icicles alongside with snowflakes dangling from the sides.

In this area, it almost never snows.

Though the temperatures do drop drastically and constant rain pours, there's never snow.

But it does make it better, because then you can walk around wherever you wish freely without any trouble. Just as you were doing so right now.

Recently this place by a little local street has been popping up everywhere for supposedly having the best food.

A restaurant blowing up on social media, that's normal. But being debated as having one of the best foods available?

You just had to try this place out for yourself.

The thing that had caught your attention was this particular dish you remember seeing someone post.

But by the way the waiting line looked, it seemed like you weren’t going to get an open spot soon.

Looking at the patio tables that were outside, noticing that almost if not all the tables had the same tag standing with the word ‘Reserved.’

”Fuck I should’ve done that…” You muttered as you crossed your arms in an attempt to not lose balance from how tired your legs were starting to get.

“Y/n?”

“Huh?”

Looking around you couldn’t see who it was that said your name until you finally took a second look back.

One of your co-workers!

“Brandon? What are you doing here?”

”I came here to get some stuff but I decided to come early to get something to eat as well… And it looks like you are too!”

He looks up at the restaurant's sign and back at you in a playful way.

“Yeah I-.Im just waiting around you know…”

He proceeds to lean in closer to where you're standing, and places a hand over to the side of his mouth as he loudly whispers “Come on, I know a better spot than this…Trust.”

“You sure?”

He nods his head in response

Looking back and forth, you were contemplating on whether you should leave your spot…

“You know what, fuck it, yeah show me.”

You got out of line, and began to laugh a little with Brandon as you two walked away. “Don't get lost now~”

Going further down the crowded street, he took you to this one place that had a white and red color scheme.

As you both got closer to the place, he kept rambling on about how this was his go to spot,

That no restaurant around here could top this one.

“Trust me, this place is ten times better than the one you were going to, More authentic too.”

A smirk laid upon your face, trying to be smug towards him

“If you say so, I'll be the judge myself~”

As you two walked in, finally, you both were instantly seated towards the front of the place; Since there was an open table there.

A young woman came over and began to take your order. “Welcome to Noche Buena, what can I get started for you guys today?”

“I'll get that one, the one that's in the photo.”

“Hm, I'll get the same as him.”

She began to write it down, before looking at the kitchen staff that were nearby and turning back to you two. ”We also have a couple special, free refresher. Would you like to add that too?”

You swore you almost choked on your own spit when you heard that. Turning over to Brandon, he gave you a slight nod.

“Uh sorry but n-“ You cut off shortly when you felt a jab on your ankle “Sorry but no yeah!” His cheeky smile appears as he repeats it back to the waitress.

She dismisses you guys after taking your order. Immediately hurrying to the kitchen. You on the other hand just kept glaring at Brandon.

“What? It was free drinks. How could you say no?”

You sighed before slowly starting to grin “You know what, yeah you're right.”

”I wonder how many people do this at our workplace.” He spoke, as he checked phone for a quick second.

“Too many, it's so obvious!”

While you two were laughing about hilarious stuff that has happened at work while you've been gone, you took it as a chance to glance around the area real quick.

Without doubt, the place wasn't all so bad.

It was clean, the tables were shiny, and the seating wasn't worse than some places...

Lost in thought.

The waiter came back with a tray of the stuff you guys ordered “Here you guys go” including…”And here's the drink too!”

She placed down the singular drink that had two straws in the center. You and Brandon just kept looking at each other and back at the drink.

”You screwed up Y/n… Next time Im doing the talking.” “As if, I think this is just how it is.”

“Well… it is better than no drink…” He looked down at the cup in the center, with sad little eyes before taking a sip out of it

Rolling your eyes at his childish behavior, this was his doing all along anyways.

“Oh come on, don't be such a baby. It's no different than when everyone at work shares a strawberry refresher throughout our shift.”

“You're right. Let's just dig in!”

____________

By the time you both finished eating, you had decided to go walking around the area more.

That was until Brandon remembered what he came for in the first place.

You didn't know how heavy cleaning supplies and house decorations would end up being so heavy once it's in a bag.

Picking the stuff up at the stores did not at all seem heavy, not until its dangling side to side from your hands in a black plastic baggie.

“Is that it?” You said, groaning at him. He looked at his long checklist he had on his phone before turning to face you again ”Yep that's practically it!”

”Finally, thank god…” You say as you slouch your back a bit and finally release the bags softly onto the floor.

”Hey be gentle, they could break.”

You let this be a reminder that the next time he needs help with a few errands to give a white lie and decline.

“Oh for god's sake Brandon, how would a plastic bottle of window cleaner break?”

”Dont tell me you came on the train too, Ill actually kill myself if I have to walk another step over there.”

Groaning in annoyance, he began to chuckle at your voice

“I came by car today, if you want I could give you a ride home.”

“Yes please! “

The entirety of the car ride was just him explaining to you a new hook up between two employees.

And how everyone around has been placing bets on who would say something first.

Once you had heard the entire story, you joked to him saying you'll place five dollars on the guy.

Resulting in him rolling his eyes at you before laughing with you. Man it was almost like being drunk with him, without actually drinking.

“Watch, I'll be right” “I wanna see that.”

You laughed a bit, before ending the conversation and almost leaving the car “-I guess I'll see you later someday at work then!- “

“Oh about that-“ A smile grew on his face again while you were stopped in your tracks.

“Boss told me and a few others that if we were to see you we’d tell you to come in tomorrow for your paycheck, and if we didn't see you then your friend would just text you about it tomorrow morning.”

Raising your eyebrow “But I can come in whenever I want?”

“No duh. Now go before I make you carry more of my shit.”

Flipping him off, you grabbed your bag from the floor of the car and left. Upon entering past the lobby doors, he instantly left.

“What a blabber mouth…” You muttered

Walking up the stairs, once you’ve arrived at your apartment door, you notice the shit pile of mail that was just sitting in your little mail cabinet that you ordered weeks ago for your door.

Looking through them, you find a pink envelope, opening it to see its content inside.

As you were opening the door to your apartment by pressing the handle, you continued to unfold the envelope, it seemed to be a piece of folded paper inside.

Like a letter!

The letter seemed to be handwritten, and smelled of a strong vanilla peachy scent as if it were sprayed with perfume.

Closing the door behind you, with all the other mail being held in your other arm you went to the kitchen and sat at the island counters.

’ I’d be lying if you didnt fill the void in my heart. No matter where I am, all I can do is just think about you.

Whether you consider yourself a star or not, to me you're the whole sun.

You bring light and peace to my world.

All I wish for, is if we could be more than just best friends…

Enjoy the flowers, I know begonias are your favorite. - XoXo ‘

You stared at the letters content, reading it over and over again.

”Hm? What flow-…-ers…” Looking up from where you were seated, you just finally notice the bouquet laying down on the counter, while behind the flowers was a small white teddy bear.

“What the hell…” Muttering as you picked up the teddy, examining it closely.

All you wondered was how did this even get inside…? Maybe your friend had something to do with this.

Thinking of her, your regards to her whereabouts still concern you.

You usually don't see her that often now…Hopefully she's okay with her boyfriend, all you wanted was at least a text or something to know she's okay.

Looking down at your hands, you see a little paper tag that was dangling from the teddy's bum. You opened it and saw a heart with a letter K next to it. “Who's K?...”

“Oh god…”

Realization finally hit that dense skull of yours. ”I forgot, I have to see him tomorrow…”

Facepalming your head as you place the teddy down standing right side up, you immediately go to your room.

Heading to your closet, you begin to find something you might be able to wear for the event that an old friend had invited you to.

But there's no way he could've had feelings?

He never seemed like the type to… He was always just so, friendly.

Nothing more

Nothing less.

None of this would've came to your mind

Not with how he acts around you

Nurturing, that's what he was; Maybe that's why?

…God this was a shocker.

_____________

Evening has arrived, it was already the first of a new month. The coldest most rain pouring month of the calendar for you.

Every place you went to earlier in the morning would just be filled with holiday bells. Warm nostalgic music playing at every department store.

Even though it was the first day of the month, people had already begun to dress the style of the cold winter seasons.

It was almost as if everyone just collectively decided to begin wearing a puffer jacket today…Including you as well…

“Hey!~” You barged through the back door of the kitchen. Immediately hearing pots and pans fall onto counters and floors.

Startling everyone and having someone drop an actual plate.

After they realized it was you they began to curse you out for scaring the shit out of them. “Sorry… I uhm.” You stuttered a bit. “Brandon told me he'd give me my paycheck… He's said holding it around for me here somewhere?”

A voice from behind the counter shouts to you “Oh him? He didn't show up today.”

“Really? He said he'd be here?”

“Well we told him not to go scuba diving in the beginning of winter… Maybe he's out sick.”

That crazy man…

“Huh!?”

Who in their right mind thinks it's a good idea to go in the water right when the chills are about to come.

You didn't even try to act surprised, matter of fact, this was something usual that happens all the time. But really? Scuba diving?

Sighing, you lean on one of the kitchen island counters seeing everyone around work, but you catch someone going to the back and unlock his locker.

The young girl comes back and hands you an envelope that has your name in red pen. Staring down at the envelope as she gives it to you she speaks softly “Here, just take it.”

Just as you were about to leave she grabs the wrist of your shirt and tugs you at her, leaning her hand and lips to your ear.

“I also advise you to leave now, earlier some crazy customer walked in and asked to see you, saying he had a message to pass onto you-”

“What!” She instantly puts her hand over your mouth trying to shush you down. Bringing her finger close to her mouth she makes a quiet “Shh!”

She whispers to you, hoping none else hears her.

“...I think you've served him before, he had black hair I think…We were discussing about it earlier, but the rest didn't want to say anything to you to freak you out.”

“Go now, and be careful out there.”

She finally let go of your shirt and went back to her station and proceeded to wash the dishes that were dirty.

All you could do was just gaze profoundly.

Hurrying up the door, as soon as you reach to press down on the handle you turn around to see her staring at you again, nodding once at you telling you to leave.

Rushing back home, you instantly walked through your apartment door then closed it shut.

Going to your bedroom, in order to change into a

pretty evening dress you had.

You were going to be a plus one for some party event that a friend had told you about.

Although you did remember them telling you to wear something nice, they had also told you not too overdressed.

In order to really match the ‘said theme,’ you wore a thigh length dress, a flowy one.

Until your phone rings, he was calling. Your “date”

Picking up your phone, you begin to talk in a nervous tone

“Oh shit…Hello? Yes, yes just give me two more minutes… Okay I'll see you down there, bye.”

Hanging up, you place your phone back onto the night stand from where you picked it up.

Sighing as you look back into the mirror. ‘What am I to do’

The entirety of the ride to get there with him was a bit awkward, how were you supposed to talk to him normally after what he had just done.

He barely calls you, and when he does it's usually when we need someone to be there with him for something, or usually for some kind of outing.

This was all confusing, you weren’t really sure how to react or respond to his advances he was making towards you by leaving flowers.

Matter of fact, you didn't even know how to bring the topic up, so you kept silent.

Only listening to him talk about his future and his business. That the day his company blows he’ll have a reserved spot for you to work there, saying you wouldn't have to work at that grubby restaurant people call ‘fancy’ nowadays.

You weren’t sure how to really describe his character, he was a bipolar mess in his mind.

Sometimes he would be nice the next he would ignore you for saying something even the slightest opposite of his opinion.

Maybe if you didn't respond back to his idea of you tagging along, this wouldn't be happening…

Once at the event, you were left alone. Tens and tens of floors up high off the ground in some nice banquet-like place.

You were sitting by the nice couch, watching the people around you chat while they chuckled every so and so.

Not even drinking from the glasses of champagne they were served.

Yours was probably almost finished, just a sip or two and it would’ve been all gone by now.

Being here made you wonder why you even accepted his request at being his plus one.

If all you were going to do was just show as his ‘date,’ look pretty beside him, and then run off and tell you to stay put somewhere.

Almost everyone in this room knew each other, it seemed like they were all acquaintances of some sort. Like they knew each other from connections.

So of course you felt out of place.

You kept turning your head over to the glass windows on the right side of where you were seated, seeing as the sun sets, going lower and lower. Each hour that passes by, turning the sky into a dark shade of nocturnal blue.

Every now and then you would turn your phone on and text some of your co worker friends messages while they were on their break, asking how everything’s doing.

Just something to get out of this boredom

Feeling a tap on the left shoulder, you turn around and get startled by his face near yours.

“Oh god Kyrie, you have to stop doing that…”

He leans back to his standing position, still holding a completely filled glass of champagne in his left right “I'm done with my stuff, I saw you from across the room and saw ya’ look bored.”

“How could I not, I know no one here… And you just left-“

“Sh’shhh… C’mon get up, I know a much more fun place than this.” Before you could stand up, he grabs the side of your arm and almost forces you to stand up.

You two begin to head over to the door, but his walk continues to be slow, as he dismisses every colleague he knows before actually leaving.

Once back in the car, he starts the engine of the car and begins to head over to the heart of the city again.

You rest your head on the window looking outside, until you feel a slight touch on your leg. His arm rests lowly on your thigh, but you're too tired of his bullshit to even say anything, so you let it be…

Upon arriving, you get out of his car, and look around. Seeing how high the building was. Making you wonder if he was going to take you to another event party for his benefit.

”Follow me.” He's already walking, and you, like a dog, follow from behind.

The entire time with him was mainly quiet. He kept checking his phone, often texting some group chat. In the lobby, in the elevator, and outside the few doors that were in front of him.

“Give me a second… Okay there, come on stand near me or they won't allow us in.”

You hurried by his side, and he proceeded to walk in front of this one nice door that had faint music playing.

Fuck, it was probably another one of his friends parties.

God… well be ready to be sitting down somewhere again- “Hello?”

The door opens and instantly music blasts from inside the room. He opens the door and the guy sees you standing next to him, instantly changing his tone

“Oh my bad, come on in.”

He opens the door wider, allowing the both of you in.

Your eyes… Instantly widen at the sight.

House music playing at an extreme volume, flashes of white and colored lights going around, confetti being thrown everywhere, splashes being sprayed from popping bottles around.

Continuing to walk inside, as you kept looking around.

“I knew this would be your kind of fun, maybe mine too…”

He says as he drags you further to the center of the beautiful room you were standing in.

Looking back straight ahead, your eyes catch a glimpse of someone tall, someone… familiar…

You speed walk over to them, leaving Kyrie behind. “Huh? Hey wait!” Hearing him in the distance, trying to catch up with you, -you get further away, almost running to the crowd.

Raising your neck to look over people's heads, you catch a glimpse of mismatched eyes. “Nikolai!”

You see him look back and turn his head again, only to turn to look at you again. Wondering if that really was you… “Y/n!”

Smiling at him, he begins to dismiss the crowd, having them scatter to different places, until he can come forward to you.

He cups your cheeks, feeling your face making sure you were real and not just a delusion of his

“H-how… What… How did you find-“

“Y/n, who's this?”

You hear his voice in the background.

Nikolai stops holding your face and looks up from you to see another man standing right behind.

Turning your head as well, at a loss for speech. ‘Shit’

He begins to ask questions regarding about Nikolai,

“Do you know this man? Who is he-“

“I'm a friend of hers, and you are?” A sly smile forms on his face while he looks at him, and talks with a much rather, softer voice.

Not loud but clear enough to have himself heard over the loud music playing.

Kyrie tilts his head back, feeling intimidated by Nikolai’s height as he almost tries to lean over him.

Looking back and forth at the two men standing right in front of each other, you immediately put an end to this.

Dismissing Nikolai and accompanying your ‘date’ like you were supposed to

He pulls you away from Nikolai, dragging you to where most of the drinks were being made.

You turn your head back and look at Nikolai “Im sorry…” mouthing to him, as his arms stay crossed only glaring hard at you as you get dragged away from him.

While you were being pulled by the arm, you felt the grip let go. Turning your head back to wherever you were being directed to, -you saw yourself standing in front of a kitchen counter with many options of alcohol.

Small bottles, big ones, tall ones, all the varieties you could think of were right there.

“Want one?” Your attention is drawn to a much older woman.

“Here let me serve ya’ up quick!” In an attempt to refuse, she already hands you a cup filled with whatever liquid she poured into it.

As much as you refused to accept the cup, you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders grab you harshly, slightly shaking your body.

You flinch and tense up turning to the side to see who it was. “Give it a try, go on.” Hesitating a bit at your ‘friends’ request, he tries to pressure you into taking a few sips. “…I don't-“

“Just try some you'll like it~” He grabs the cup and places it near to your lips.

The other woman, just staring with a mischievous grin on her face as she uses her hand to rest her head on the counter.

Looking down at the filled cup and then at his eyes. He nods his head persuading you to give in.

In an instant you take the cup out of his hand with an annoyed look on your face.

“Fine, just one.” And swallow it whole without second thought.

Once it finally hits the back of your throat, your face automatically makes a sour look, sticking your tongue out coughing trying to get the taste out your mouth.

“Atta girl!”

Hearing Kyrie say that, you turn around and face back towards the one who served you the drink.

“God what was in that thing.”

She could only giggle and begin to talk about the look on your face once you had chugged it.

Laughing right in your face.

Nikolai, on the other hand, was resting his upper body on the balcony of the second floor of the loft.

Where all the monochromic decorations that were scattered around the first floor kept flying up to his level from being kicked and tossed around.

His hands were crossed, watching as ‘he’ kept trying to force another drink or two down your throat

He had known about him, way before you had even gotten to meet him for the first time. He was trying to build his status as an entrepreneur, and recently bought a building for his new ‘upcoming company’ as a rip-off of the infamous playboy.

Explaining all those fancy events he goes to, but he needed a plus one to prove the fact that he did have a ‘face’ already for his new upcoming, you.

But you didn't know that, All you thought of it were to be exquisite gatherings of him and his friends.

It was a way to drag you with him, without you knowing a clue of it.

It was obvious to him from the very start

How he treated others. How he was treating you.

Roughly about an hour had passed by already,

He had kept his eye on you long enough, to see that by the time you weren’t being pushed from group to group, you already had far too many drinks.

He didn't stop you though, since he wanted to see how you would respond to most of these interactions. He hadn't seen you like this

But that was the only time Kyrie was there to stop you from doing something dumb.

His hands were on your shoulders, yours on his arms.

“Hey! You okay? You should be glad I'm here.”

He hugged your body closely to him.

His breath reeked of alcohol. His eyebrows kept raising high at every sniffle he gave. Most importantly the way he kept touching your face trying to ‘reassure’ you.

That sorrowful look on your face, he leaned away and cupped your cheeks hurriedly. “What’s wrong…?” He said, whispering his breath onto you.

Your eyes began to tear up, swell every second along with the frown that you were trying not to show “…You left me behind, I- I was so scared…”

Placing your arms on his shoulders, you grip onto his shirt hard.

”Dont…”

“Don't what?”

“…Don't touch- me, -get a-away” A hiccup could be heard.

You tried shoving him away, his hands leaving you for a second, but he rapidly grabbed your face, making you look up to him.

“I can't… I need you. Please!” His eyes were darting from you left and right, to your lips and up again. “S-Stop, get off!”

He was already drunk, and out of his mind. Now that his thoughts were being spoken out to you instead of his usual tone.

He forces himself onto you, latching his hands onto your waist and body, pushing you to get you on the nearest wall by the hallway. ”You're all I want, Please!” He grunts, as his hands dont stop.

He had lured you slowly into an almost empty hallway leading to where closed doors were.

From where he had you stopped, he pressed himself against you on a wall right beside a door.

You wanted to break free, but you couldn’t… You were far too gone to push him off of you.

No amount of strength could stop him off.

With the loud music playing mostly in the main room, this place, you could hear every word he had spoken to you. “Sh sh sh. I'm not gonna hurt ya’ “

No matter how hard you tried to get him away, he suddenly gripped on your wrists holding you back from trying to resist him anymore.

He whispered into your ear, things you didn't want to hear. And slowly his head leaned closer… and closer.

Your side of the face pressed against the wall; eyes shut. Trying to prevent making contact with him.

But he had no control. His breathless voice against your skin, inching closer to your face.

He stopped for a second, taking a quick look at your face; before you feel his lips peck your cheek getting closer to your lips.

Suddenly all the weight on you…

Feels like it's gone.

No more touchy hands, the elbow trying to squeeze you in.

You could actually finally breathe.

Opening your eyes you see him scrambled across the wooden floors.

Holding his hand right above his lip. Not long before you can see a faint trail of blood following down to his chin as he tries to retain more blood from following out.

He looked angered, brows furrowed, he was fuming.

Not at you, but at the person he was staring at right in front of him.

“Get out of here.” A firm voice was heard from the hallway, but you couldn't see much as the flashing lights messed with your vision.

Seeing Kyrie scoff at you and leave with wobbled steps, the figure in the beginning of the hallway comes closer.

There he was.

“Nikolai!” You turn to him in an instant.

Immediately wrapping your hands around him.

He flinches at your reaction, but then wraps his arms around you as well. With one hand stroking your hair, and the other not too below your waist.

He tells something to you, but you don't catch it and ignore it and continue to hug him close.

He breaks contact and looks down at you. Holding softly both of your hands. “Let's get out of here, I know a spot just above here.”

Nodding in agreement, you hold onto him closely by his arm, as he leads you outside the room again.

He sighs before he takes your hand and drags you along with him, before realizing how flushed his face must be.

Looking up at him you ask him a question regarding where he's taking you ”Where are we going?”

“You'll see, come.”

Immediately stepping out the elevator you notice a huge change in the hallway. It's shinier, more decorations around, including plants.

Like an actual place where people might seem to live in.

He reaches into his pocket and grabs a key, opening the door to one of the few that were in front of you.

As he unlocks the door you're still glancing around at the atmosphere outside. Almost forgetting the whole point of why he got you outta there

“Come in.” You hear his voice heard from inside the room.

Trailing right behind him.

You enter into the new place he took you, and instantly. your jaw hangs open.

The place was dazzling.

Nicely interiored, sparkling from cleanliness.

”What-…. The hell.”

Soft music can be heard playing on vinyl nearby.

Full tall wall windows on both sides, a staircase leading to what looked like his bedroom.

Nicely polished light wooden floors with ambient lighting all around the walls, giving the place a euphoric atmosphere.

Gazing around, you turn to him as he's right by the kitchen prepping you a glass of water. “Was this the place you were telling me about days ago?”

He laughs a bit, coming back and handing you the water ”Something like that.”

You're left standing there in the middle of it all, as he walks over to the staircase, telling you to come along.

Once at the top floor which was his room, you couldn't help but look at all the nice things he had kept around.

Touching the nice trinkets he had on his nightstand.

“ Think that's cool? Look over here.”

He rushes over to the curtains on the side wall of his bed, he opens them and and your eyes widen at the cities landscape

“Ta~da~” He says as he makes a waving gesture with his hands

You step closer, allowing yourself to fully see it from up close. Not realizing how close you were actually next to Nikolai as well.

His eyes looking at you, while you kept your gaze on the outside.

While looking down at all the streets, Nikolai seems to notice that faint expression on you. “ Got something on your mind? ''

”He…He was my ride. How will I get home?”

Looking up to meet his eyes, he immediately darts, looking away and stops and ‘thinks for a quick moment,’ placing his finger on his chin.

He gets up from his little seated position and makes his way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“I could give you this room, I'll wait until after the party, and crash the other place downstairs. “

He pats his hand down right beside him, almost in a way of telling you to come next to him.

Going over and sitting there with him in silence for a bit, you let your head fall onto his shoulder.

He begins to caress your hair, holding you close, until he can hear the softness of your voice again. “Thank you…for being there earlier…”

You raise your body up and away from his body. Then proceed to lean into his cheek.

Giving him a small peck on the side of his face.

“I shouldn't fall in love with you…”

He says, but you let your arms wrap around his shoulders, looking at his eyes and at his lips.

He can't help but reciprocate your actions.

Slowly going in, he gently begins to kiss you. Taking most of the control as his hands cup your cheeks, pulling your hair away from your face.

You lose balance and lay flat on the bed, his face still close to yours, as his body hovers you.

Hands on each side of you, his eyes looking everywhere.

His face slowly inches closer to yours, as he breathes heavily. He looks as if he's going feral inside his mind.

Just as he's centimeters away from your lips, he stops

To think he was leaning in again to take it a step further, you were wrong.

Instead, leaving a small peck on the side of your lips before whispering softly “Night.”

And proceeds to get up, as you lay there slightly curled into your own body.

Just as he's about to leave, you pull on his long black shirt… Looking up at him again with your eyes. “P-please, can you stay…Just a while”

He’s glancing at you, for a moment it looks like he's contemplating something.

You notice and immediately a ‘Nevermind’ comes out of your mouth.

But he hops right into the bed with you before you can say anything… He’s on his side, looking straight at you.

“…Go to sleep now then” Kissing your forehead, you wrap your arms around him again, hugging him close, with your head just right beside his chest.

It didn't even come to your mind how close you two were.

Nodding your head, you take one last look at him before shutting your eyes closed “…Goodnight Nikolai-“ “-Kolya”

He interrupts you, correcting you on ‘his name’

He continues to caress his fingers through your hair, pushing it back a little.

“Just call me Kolya.”

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd nikolai #nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol x reader #ao3 writer #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs nikolai #nikolai x reader #dead dove do not eat

37 notes · View notes