#whats this? a rare crosspost? dont get used to it!

[wuthering-tempest]

guard dog

[eternityservedcold]

what isaac characters are getting for christmas (from me)

i posted this on twitter but i wanted to crosspost it here and expand upon it a little bit because i am silly... if you dont understand why i gave a character a particular gift, even after the explanation, you should go read my comic, @mourneruntosheol​

isaac: art supplies

yeah im That Guy who gets the artsy kid art supplies for christmas. i think he would probably appreciate it though, what with having like. one pencil and a bunch of paper.

maggy: stuffed animals

this ones simple... i just think she likes stuffed animals, and thats probably what she asked santa for

cain: tboi version of a nintendo switch

also a simple one. cain is a gamer and probably doesnt have a switch, what with being trapped in a basement for 10 years. of course i would get him games too

judas: the da vinci code (book)

the kid likes books. he also likes figuring out mysteries and secrets. i could probably get him any mystery or sci-fi book and hed be happy, this is just the first that came to mind. apparently its about religious secrets? he likes religion too he would probably enjoy that

blue baby: terrarium

less for the actual terrarium part and more for the bugs that will go inside. i would have just gotten him a pet bug but he has many already

eve: book of poetry

another easy one. shes read a lot of poetry, so she probably knows everything inside, but she would find something novel about having it in a book

samson: 1yr membership at the tboi equivalent of planet fitness

samson is the kind of person who would forget to make a list and then you would scramble for a gift for because you dont really know what he likes... he likes exercise, but im not just gonna get him exercise equipment because thats not really a christmas gift in my mind... i guess this would be the next best thing!?

azazel: gaming laptop

i wanted to give him something capable of both playing games and using the internet, and computers are objectively the best option for that. i wouldnt get him a full gaming rig though. maybe when hes older

lazarus: one of those books of rare illnesses

lazarus loves medical practice and psychology, and even those who dont particularly care about either still watch those rare disease documentaries... he would love this!

eden: gift cards

i could ask all of the kids what to get eden, including eden themself, and get 5 different answers from each of them. screw it, get your own gifts

lost: fancy cloak

some people draw them with a cute little cloak and i thought the idea was nice! i would get them one thats long and dark, with a hood and a fancy closure at the front

lilith: gamekid

yeah, im at a loss. what do you get for a kid with no interests? at least this ones cheap

keeper: whatever money i have leftover

he would probably tell me specifically not to get him anything because he doesnt want a present. im giving him a snack anyway.

apollyon: weighted blanket

they wouldnt ask anyone for anything, so i would have to guess. they would be fine with anything i give them, but a weighted blanket is what they really want

forgotten: headphones

but some of the super high-quality ones with good bass and top end, so it appeals to both the body (who likes to listen to loud, abrasive music) and the soul (who likes to listen to classical and jazz)

bethany: necklace with a book pendant

she wouldnt like big, flashy gifts, so i would get her this necklace. she would even almost smile at it!

jacob: Coal.

jacob has been on his absolute worst behavior this year, so he gets a lump of coal. you get nothing. you lose. good day, sir.

esau: tablet

a replacement and upgrade for the one that his brother broke, with a case so it doesnt happen again. he would instantly start taking it everywhere with him

[wooahaes]

I honestly really love your writing and have gone through quite a bit of it. I'm still learning to be a more vocal reader tho so never said anything.

I get what you mean about the engagement between sfw & nsfw. It honestly just sucks to see sfw stuff not getting the attention it deserves, especially since i was planning to start writing on tblr and dont really know how to write nsfw. And it's either i do it here or wattpad, which is slightly seeming to lose ppl. Seems like sfw writers are losing motivation to write more and more. I like reading sfw stuff more now and feel like i keep running out.

No matter what tho, i hope you know you're writing isnt whats wrong. I'll always be a loyal reader of yours.😌

that's completely okay! being a more vocal reader can be hard and it's definitely something you have to get used to. i used to rarely comment on fics because of my own anxiety that i'd say something stupid and that people would hate me.

like i've said in a previous response, it genuinely sucks for both sides. i know really good nsfw writers who get a ton of notes, but they don't get the personal feedback i do as a sfw writer. other sfw writers have said that they get the personal feedback, but they don't get nearly as much notes. i think readers on both sides could genuinely do better to engage with their favorite writers.

but hell yeah, i hope you enjoy writing when you start doing it! if you don't know (or want to) write nsfw, then it's completely okay to write sfw things. it's always a slow start when you start writing, but if you have the passion for it, other people will start to see that and start to appreciate it. starting is always the hardest part, but it's worthwhile in the end imo.

honestly? there's definitely pros and cons to wattpad. it definitely has a lot less mature readers (for lack of a better word, but also i was on wattpad at like... age 13-15 haha) i think, but i think i do see people engaging more because of the feature that lets them comment line-by-line. but wattpad (and ao3) are build more for writers than tumblr itself is. if anything, you could always use more than one? i've been considering crossposting my stuff on ao3 more and more lately, just to see how well it'd do.

on the topic of sfw writers leaving and there being less content: i think that's why engagement is important. this absolutely isn't aimed at you btw and is more of a general point, but i do kind of hope people realize like... just how disheartening it can be to lose that engagement.

you're very sweet btw <3 thank you for reading and enjoying my work!

[memoriashell]

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

[chimswae]

Chapter 16

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2, 486

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

Chapter 16:  There goes, freedom of choice

“Hush hush don’t make noise, they are in deep slumber” Jin hissed under his breath signaling others to stop shuffling their feet or making any kind of voice that might wake the lovebird up.

“I am not making any noise, you have been talking non stop” the younger boy scolded his hyung with a deep frown.

Unfazed Yoongi pushed the older boy off from the front door, pushing the key into the hole and within a second the door clicked open. Others let out a low snort disagreed with his action but of course Yoongi was ignorant to the core.

“Yah Min Suga.. Get back here” as soon as Yoongi opened the door and stepped inside everyone got cold feet not knowing how to react. They might be witnessing something unexpected or more like they expected that thing however being a nosy sonyeodan, they still wanted to see it with their naked eyes.

Hoseok clasped his hand together followed with a holy prayer “Dear lord, please don’t let us witness any naked human being inside. Even though we may still sin after watching hentai , we are not ready to see the real deal inside. Amen” he chanted it all over again while following others entering the room.

If Jimin found out they invaded his space without his consent every single soul in this room would be dead by dawn. Reaching for the light, Yoongi turned it on only to be welcomed by a sleeping Jimin and Yeoul under the thick duvet.

Judging from the clothes scattered on the floor, their assumption was right.

“So they had sex” Jin facepalmed dramatically.

"Dont be dramatic when you expected this" Namjoon scolded.

“This is wrong, Jimin hyung will be mad if he finds out we are here” Jungkook flushed at the sight and quickly exited the room. The golden maknae could not stop his racing heart since it was his first time to see a grown up man and woman under a duvet together when it was crystal clear why they’re under the duvet in the first place.

What a wild imagination you got there Jeon Jungkook.

Taehyung nodded in agreement “Chim would not like it. I am following Kookie…” with that he walked out leaving the hyungs inside.

“Okay I swear this is not my fault, I told you I can wait until they are fully awake to get my phone. This is your idea Jin hyung” Hoseok flailed his arms and whispered dangerously low. They did not want to wake the predator up, carnivore Jimin.

Jimin stirred in his sleep, pulling Yeoul close to his body as the four men froze in their spot while watching the younger guy closely. His head perked up after hearing such commotion in the room “What the hell…” he lowly groan.

“Shit..”Namjoon mumbled lowly, nudging Hoseok side urging him to take his phone quick so they could leave the room at this instant.

“Park Jimin wake up, we need to head out in few hours. Your written statement is much needed to fix the mess” unbothered Yoongi shook him up with his foot.

His eyes shot open as soon as he realized the voice he heard did not come from his dream, the members were in his room for real to witness his after sex urm face, just what were on their mind? Jimin pulled the duvet carefully covering Yeoul’s bare body, and he slowly turned his head to face the wolf pact.

“Finally you decide to open your eyes”

“I thought you are up for another round” Yoongi snickered sarcastically.

His brows burrowed deeply, as he dangled one leg out giving the latter a light kick on his calf earning a low grunt from him. “Bloody hell, why are you guys here? Get out!” he jeered.

“Ughh it is Jin hyung ideas, he wanted to use the reason of taking my phone just to check on you” Hoseok exclaimed.

“Hey hey don’t push the loads on me. It is not just me all of you are dying to know too” he called in annoyance.

“I don’t give a damn whose idea this is. So leave before you embarrassed Yeoul” Jimin glanced at sleeping Yeoul hoping that she would not be awake. Knowing Yeoul, their presence would cause her to lock herself in room for days.

“Guys lets leave before Yeoul wakes up, you don’t want to scare her” Namjoon reasoned. He gave Jin a hard stare tugging mommy Jin out the room before he argued. Guess, bickering was his real talent after all putting his misery in dancing behind.

Giving Jimin an apologetic look, Hoseok lips pursed into a slight pout before leaving the room with his phone.

“Okay Yoongi hyung are you planning to leave or not?” Yoongi lazily approached Jimin as he bent down to match his height.

With a playful smirk, he patted the top of his head “You could have tell me that you need a private moment with Yeoul. Great job Park Jims, guess you are still alive” he cooed.

Jimin gawked at the older boy disbelief as he watched his body disappeared from his vision, shutting the door close “Crazy hyungs” he exasperated a deep sigh. His attention was back on the sleeping girl in his arm, the smile returned on his face.

‘Gorgeous even in her sleep’ he mentally groaned with a big fat smile on his face.

A flash of memory of their intimate session gushed into his mind. It felt too good to be truth,and most importantly it was not just a mere dream. Yeoul and him were officially back together just like they used too.

--------------------

  Hello this is Park Jimin,

First, I apologize for stepping out late when I am well aware of the rumor that has been circulating around causes an uproar and has tremendously affect Bangtan’s image.

Most importantly to my baby armys, I feel regretful and apologized to everyone who has been upset by my huge mistake. I am sorry for disappointing you Armys. I have no words to excuse myself.

I, Park Jimin is admitting to all the rumors to be true. Park Minyeol is my biological son.

Five years ago, I dated a girl whom I loved dearly. As a result of our careless rendezvous, an innocent kid was born. What was done could not be undone but I regretted our immature decision five years ago for breaking up without knowing the existence of the baby. I deserved to be punished.

Through this incident, I once again offer my apologies to my parents, my company, my members, our lovely Armys who have been supporting and believing in me since day one, and not to forget to the one i scarred the most Na Yeoul and Park Minyeol. I have let everyone down and hurt everyone.

I know a mere word is not enough to fix a broken heart but to make up for all the damages done to everyone and to return everyone’s support, I will continue to work hard to become a good son, a better version of Bangtan Sonyeodan’s member, and a good father to Minyeol.

I will reflect on what I have done again and I promise to become a better person in the future.

Thank you for the overwhelming support from lovely Armys, please continue to love us. Please do not blame others because I am responsible for all the troubles experienced by the members. I am sorry again for betraying your trust and breaking the promise that we made together. I hope you will continue to support and love us.

To my members, thank you for staying beside me. I promise to be a better friend in the future, thank you and I love you.

Lastly, I hope you will support and respect my decision and to love Minyeol and Na Yeoul as much I cherish them.

Thank you and I am sorry. I wont be tired to say this all over again.

Sincerely, Park Jimin

 Yeoul’s tears cascaded down upon reading Jimin heartbreaking written apology posted on the internet. And once again, Jimin and BTS names were trending on every social medias platform. Frankly speaking, Jimin was in no position to apologize but the perks of being an idol he had to get it done no matter how absurd it sound.

His parents was well informed ever since the rumors broke and they showed warm support for Jimin and Yeoul even though it shocked them at first. His parents had already met Minyeol and took a liking of the little boy so did to Yeoul. Jimin was grateful that he had the support from his family and friends in this tough situation. That was all matter.

Feeling remorseful, Yeoul wiped her tears away as she sat on the bed quietly reflecting on everything that happened this past few weeks. She never dreamed of being reunited with Jimin again after their heartbreaking farewell. But, fate brought them together. Park Minyeol was the key to their relationship. Without him, they would not be having this dramatic reunion.

“That fool, he was not the one who suppose to apologize” Yeoul murmured, sniffing a little. She must be crying a little too much that she planned so she had to stop crying before the guys came back and bombarded her with questions.

Just how Jimin told her, she refrained herself from reading the comments on the internet. She was positive that most it would be positive but some negative comments could not be halted. There were people out there despised the idea of Jimin dating a plain girl like her let alone having a child together.

This was one of the rare cases in the industry. Most of idol scandal would be related to dating or lawsuit so considered Jimin’s scandal as one of the worst one.

Everything happened for a reason.

She rose to her feet and made her way to the kitchen. Yeoul decided to stop moping around and cooked something for the hungry boys once they got back. Rummaging through cabinets, Yeoul was looking for cooking supplies but to her distaste it was filled with ramen.

“Ugh don’t they cook” she grumbled in annoyance.

Pacing back and forth in the room, Yeoul finally came to a decision. She must go out for grocery shopping. It wouldn’t hurt right even for an hour?

In this circumstances, would it be possible that people recognized her.

She shook her head frantically in denial “Im not an idol, no one knows me please don’t get ahead of yourself Yeoul” she puffed her cheeks.

Yeoul inhaled deeply as her fingers typed a quick message to Jimin before leaving Bangtan dorm. She dressed comfortably and made sure to be careful with her surrounding. For some reason Yeoul feared that people would recognize her so along the way to the nearest store it felt super draggy.

The sight of the white building few meters from where she stood got her excited for no reason. She entered the building with a wide smile and took the shopping cart. There was a group of girls around her age were staring at her way, Yeoul ducked her head quickly and made a sharp turn to the left.

Grabbing all the items in her list while trying to keep herself out of people’s radar was not an easy job. From time to time there would be people scrutinizing at her as if trying to figure out who she was and it mortified her to the core.

Yeoul pushed her shopping cart passed the CD section and coincidently there was a group of high school girl lurking around the area. She overheard their conversation that caused her to slow down.

“Have you read Jimin oppa’s confession?”

“Yes Yes about the kid! He really admitted to it! I cant believe that”

“Do you think that is real? I mean that is very suspicious what if oppa did that because of the company”

“Ugh that would be horrible. I cant believe Jimin oppa slept with a girl and had a baby”

“Did you see the girl?”

“She is plain”

”Super plain for Jimin oppa” they laughed loudly and coarsely.

She grazed her teeth together holding back the anger in her ‘Rude kids’ now she regretted for using that path as her way to the counter. After she paid all the stuffs she bought, she exited the market making her way back home with hope she would not encounter any miserable human being who made comments on Jimin’s life and hers.

Come to think about it, Yeoul sucked in remembering unfamiliar road, now she was losing it. She had no idea where she was. Yeoul scanned the area around her, just an hour ago she was sure that was the exact path she used from the dorm to the grocery store.

Biting her lower lips, she tried to concentrate and remember every single details on the area just in case she forgot. Yeoul stood there for 10 minutes with no answers, then frustration took over her mind. She mentally cursed herself for walking alone without waiting for the boys to get home, now she deserved to be punished.

She clutched onto her phone contemplating whether to give Jimin a call but Bangtan was still practicing for their upcoming concert. With heavy heart, she decided to wander aimlessly hoping to find a sign of hope in the middle of the road or anywhere.

Yeoul used GPS in her smart phone and diligently followed the path shown by it as it would direct her back to the grocery store. That was the only way to find her way back home, she had to start from scratch then problem settled.

Footsteps behind her snapped Yeoul out of her trance, she glanced over her shoulder to witness three young ladies tailing her. Waves of panic pounded through her temples, and she could feel a sick feeling churning in her belly.

As she quickened her pace,the footsteps behind her sped up to match her pace. Her heart began to beat faster. Were those girls following her? More to the point, who was following her and why?

‘This wont do..’ she made a sharp turn to the right, and she blamed herself for choosing this quiet alley. Out of all days, why did she make such a bad choice today? Yeoul slowed deliberately and spun around which startled the girls at first.

“Why are you following me?” she inquired. Even though she scared of what awaits in front of her, she had to get over this for the sake of her sanity.

“We are right. You are Na Yeoul” a girl with bang smug. Her smile was disturbing and for so many reasons, Yeoul felt something was not right. The auras from these three were too dark, full with hatred and vengeance.

Oh oh here comes trouble.

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This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2019. All Rights Reserved

[jonphaedrus]

[tweet from “please, mr. hunger was my father. call me jon” @jonphaedrus that says “julia and i are talking about like new fandom zealotry and its so interesting to me that a lot of new fandom puritainism has to do with the idea that if you come out of any place of darkness, you will rise in perfect light” the rest of the thread is not in the screenshot, but continues below:

like. this idea that if your life sucks, you will somehow magically come out of that just the best possible person. and it think it has to do a lot with the fact that many fandom puritains are sheltered to one aspect or another or came from places of support. when the only access that you have to darkness and horror are what you read in fiction, you will have this expectation that when things happen to real people, we will respond the same way as the avatars that live these lives in narratives, when this is rarely the case.

as frog and i were discussing the other day this gets back to the snape paradox. snape and harry come from almost the exact same background setting, and lived very similar lives, and made WILDLY differing choices. and both of their responses to that trauma are 100% accurate. but the difficulty here is that harry's response to that trauma is usually what comes /after/ snape's. the way that harry comes to deal and live with his trauma is recovery. snape is very much still living and reliving his trauma, daily. and because he isn't ever able to gain an out from that, he continues to perpetuate that violence against others. it's bad. he shouldn't.

but for many people with trauma, that is the life we have to consciously, daily, keep from reliving. and the majority of us fucking hate it and hate that our brains want that. but by erasing that narrative, by saying "if youve lived this, you must hate it" doesn't end up invalidating media reads or fandom, what it does is turn the ONE WEAPON of the marginalized back upon us—our ability to take in our experiences and find peace with them.

i'm not going to even get into the big fandom NO! messages here, so let's go with a simple one here—the reason many people write stuff about sexual assault into their porn is to deal with their own trauma and recovery by giving agency to others, not because they jack it to that.

but this desire to create something that gives a message that we ourselves need ends up being misread by others, who demand caveats and explanations for it. and then we get back into "if youve survived this, why arent you perfect like (x) is?" because often (x) takes years. because recovery is SLOW. it takes harry seven years to even be comfortable knowing his trauma exists, and that's with a caring community supporting him and a great deal of privilege otherwise. how long will it take someone without those things?

in summary: the greatest danger that fandom puritainism is presenting is not the loss of fandom culture, because on the cosmic scale doesn't matter. the danger is that it is teaching an ENTIRE GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULTS this is ok. the danger of fandom puritainism is that in ten, fifteen years we are going to have these young people in positions of power over others, and they are going to say to people who need support why they are reacting like this. what if these kids become teachers? therapists?

this zero sum game of "i don't know how to teach you to care about others" is the new fundamentalism, the new conservatism, only instead of "if poor people wanted to be rich theyd work harder" its "if you really didnt want to be traumatized, you would be perfect" i dont give a fuckshit about fandom here. what i do care about is that there is a budding idea on the internet that we can destroy people's lives just to prove that all along they *deserved it.* 

slutshaming by any other name is still slutshaming. we can and should do better.

@enbynoctis asked me to crosspost this

[fauslayer]

Is your ability to ignore what's going on on one platform and when asked about that have the additional ability to direct them to your twitter is not a symptom of your white privilege? It's not easy to go out and protest, and the least you could be doing is boosting black voices everywhere that you're able. I don't intend to be harsh but the fact that when confronted with someone saying i don't feel you're doing what you can in this time your response is to direct them to your twitter is telling

i barely use this platform except to crosspost art i put on twitter and occasionally go through tags for shit. i think its telling that this is the engagement ive had with you

anon: i dont think youre doing anything! jim: heres where im doing things on a platform that is better for the current situation and that i have a better and more consistent following on anon: i think that be saying i dont think youre doing what you can and you replying with where youre doing what you can/not making other things youre doing a publicity stunt is really telling :\

shits more than a contest of who can share the most on a website. if i see information here that ive barely seen on a rare scroll (like the dog post; i havent seen any dog posts on twitter at all) ill reblog it, but im not going to be performative here so people like you will pat my head over it. this isnt a contest over who can be the best ally; its a fucking crisis. more shits happening on twitter, both with current events being posted and people Directly Involved with those current events (protests) seeing them. tumblr isnt the best platform for this, if you cant tell.

go sign some petitions. watch youtube videos that donate for you like im literally doing right now. you wanna see relevant shit? twitter. find something different to do than bother a jobless 16 year old over not doing shit in your direct line of sight and getting pissy when they say theyre actually doing things like a room over.