#whats a little heart ache a little tear in the seems a wee bit if torture in the bones a tad spice of nerological damadge

[starsambrosia]

Ouch oof ouch ouch ow that immortality really do be making being alive literal hell tehe heho

My mind feels like it's splitting open my chest feels like it's shattering and yes folks this is physical ailments haha not even spiritual this time tehe

Gods look at these cutie fishes tho

[auspicioustidings]

Please please PLEASE!

Please write soft Soap treating reader like a princess just like he promised after Savage! I am begging with my heart and soul! 🙏🏻😭

Sure thing!

CW: non-con (for context there is no sexual content in this but it is set after Savage so it's implied)

"Och I ken princess, I ken. Just need tae bear with it a wee bit more."

You were so sore everywhere. It felt like you had been chewed up and spat back out and you pretty much had. You must have passed out, but now you were waking up to a sharp stinging pain on the back of one of your thighs.

It took a moment to figure out what was happening. You were on a bed and you were clean. Naked. The man who had taken you was gingerly rubbing something in that was making that awful sting happen. You tried to shift away from his fingers but could only groan when that caused about 10 other parts of you to ache. He sucked in a hissing breath through his teeth.

"Oh bonnie, made a right mess of ye. Ye need tae let me put this on so it can get better. Got cut up, must have been when ye were on yer back."

When his foot had been on your chest holding you down while his men had pleasured themselves between your legs. You started crying softly remembering it, remembering how by the end you had been drooling and thanking him. How you had enjoyed it.

He finished what he was doing, smoothing a cream over the cut, before standing and picking up little bites of food from a plate on the table in the room. He was clean too, in a fresh kilt. You wondered when you saw his damp hair if he had been the one to bathe you. He seemed less threatening like this, more like a man.

"Please dinnae cry, I'm sorry. It's the way of war tae take ye like that, tae send a message. Got carried away when ye got all wet for me. Shouldnae have taken ye so rough like that. Naw going tae happen again princess, going tae bed you in furs nice and gentle next time."

He pressed the food gently to your lips and you blinked away tears as you ate it. He smiled at you achingly softly, feeding you and giving you little sips of water until you felt less like you were on death's door.

You didn't know how long he spent coaxing you to eat and drink but at some point the food was all gone and you felt full and sore and sleepy. He tucked your hair behind your ear and pressed a kiss to your forehead before taking off his kilt and climbing into bed behind you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, tense, ready for him to take you again and thinking you would not survive no matter how gentle he was, not with how sore you were. But he only gathered you in his arms, skin against skin with no hint of sex about him.

This could not be the same monster. Not with how softly he spoke words of gentle adoration into your ear, not with how he pulled the blankets over the two of you and held you lovingly in his arms as you began to drift off.

"Ye can call me John princess, not going tae let ye hurt like that ever again."

[the-duchess-of-domination]

Emotional Eating

sometimes i like to think about a guy who eats his feelings.

i imagine his relationship with his girlfriend has turned sour. she broke up with him last night. he drives home from her house in the rain, fighting back bleary tears and lip quivers. when he gets home he cries into the wee hours of the morning.

the next day he wakes up in the afternoon. he doesn’t go to class or work, instead texting his family and friends about what happened. although he wants to be left alone to sulk, his mother knows how to make him feel better: make him his favorite chocolate cake. she figures it’s the least she can do.

she quickly gets to work. while she’s sifting flour and melting butter, his friends come over to cheer him up. they bring him treats they know he likes, like sour gummi worms, salty caramel ice cream, and lavender-flavored boba. he’s so grateful for his friends that their kindness just makes him cry harder.

his friends don’t stay long, seeing his emotions as still raw. there isn’t a bone of resentment in his body toward his ex-girlfriend. he misses her so much it hurts. he wants her back, and his friends know there isn’t anything they can do to help. among a melted pint of ice cream and sour gummi worms he eats and eats, out of both sadness and boredom. most people lose their appetite when they are heartbroken—but not him. he’s hungier than ever.

the doorbell rings, and his mother drops off a Black Forest cake. it was his favorite when he was a kid, and receiving it now is a comfort. he hugs his mom goodbye and takes it inside.

he doesn’t bother to slice it. he takes a big spoon from the kitchen, sits on the couch, and begins absentmindedly working through it. as he scarfs it down he nurses the gummi worms, salty caramel ice cream, and lavender boba his friends got him. for a brief hour he feels like the man. he is on top of the world. who needs her, anyway? he’s single and free now. he can do whatever he wants.

staring at the TV he tries to spoon more chocolate cake into his mouth. his teeth clink the spoon. he peers down and realizes there is no cake left.

all at once it hits him. the pleasure has worn off, and his guts are boiling. Black Forest cake, boba, gummi worms, caramel ice cream—all swirling inside his tummy. now not only is he heartbroken, he has the mother of all stomach aches. it really can’t get any worse than this. he becomes hyper aware of the fact that he is really, truly alone. she isn’t here to comfort him anymore.

he calls you. you’re his friend, and you’ve always had a little bit of a crush on him. he begs you to come over, that he just needs someone to talk to. you oblige.

knocking on the door, he takes his sweet time. he opens it, doubled over and hobbling. he looks a little green around the gills—but you don’t comment on this. after all, nobody looks good after getting broken up with.

you spend the night with him. he cries on your shoulder, telling you what he did to himself, what she did to him. he tells you that while his stomach is full, his heart is empty. you tell him this is a cheesy thing to say. he gets a little mad at you for not taking him seriously. his gripes turn into moans as he fusses over his distended gut. you laugh a little and start patting his back, telling him he’ll feel better soon. the physical touch between the two of you feels good. a little too good.

without warning the both of you lean into a kiss. you taste the chocolate on his breath. he hums with satisfaction, and before you know it you’re in a full-blown make out sesh. it doesn’t last long before he recoils, queasy belly gurgling.

his stomach (and his heart) hurt. you decide that kissing is too much right now, so you gingerly place a hand on his stomach, rubbing it.

you don’t know what you are to each other now, but it doesn’t seem to matter. all that matters is this moment. this moment of intimacy.

[redeyerhaenyra]

Bondage in the hearts of men

Summary: After a night of drinking, you accuse John of being unfaithful, and punish him.

Warnings: Smut, bondage (John is tied to the bed), dom/sub dynamics, fem reader, fem masturbation, reader leaves John with blue balls, a teeny tiny wee bit of cbt if you squint, ye olde language, no beta we die, let me know if I missed anything!

Notes: I know we all hate the blue contacts so I've specifically written this bratty Prince to have beautiful brown eyes✨️

Wc: 1.1k

His eyes blinked open, squinting in the morning sun, and he groaned. John's thoughts wandered back to previous night.

Oh... wine and women galore, what fun. If only you had been there... Oh well. He'd find you today and fuck you to make up for your absence last night, despite his oncoming bottle-ache. He moved to brush his curls out of face, only to find his arm did not move. He tried again, and again it did not move. John turned his head, to discover both his wrists had been tied to the bedposts. He tried to move his legs- they had been tied down too. A little panic rose within him, but sizzled out upon realising you, were sat at the opposite end of the bed.

He giggled, still half drunk. You admired the image before you, your Prince tied to his luxurious silken bed, naked apart from stray blankets that covered his groin.

"Good morning." "It's the afternoon." "Oh". John groaned again, "Well, I've never claimed to be an early riser."

You hummed. He licked his lips, and nodded to his restrained wrists; "You've tied me up?" "I have."

He laughed again. "Funny, come on now, release me."

Silence passed between you both, and you did not move, staring him down. He furrowed his brow, "Release me." He tugged on the restraints, now finding he could not break them with brute strength alone. His aura grew whiny, pathetic, his voice went up in pitch. "Release me-!"

You stood up, as if to walk away, he cried out- "-My love!!" "Your love???" You questioned harshly, John whimpered under your glare. "..Yes?"

"That is not what I heard last night." Like a tiger, you stalked your way around the bed. John shivered. "Last night?" "Last night yes. I heard the commotion, I heard you with your whores." You reached over to roughly dig your nails into his cheeks, squishing his mouth together into a pount. He groaned.

"Have you nothing to say?" "Mmf-" You relinquished your grip, he moaned at you. Simpering brat. "Mmmmm, dearest mine, I confess there were many a woman of the night in my company, but I touched not a one of them, "I don't believe you." "Ohhhh I did not! Mayhaps before I had known you I would have, but now?" John grinned up at you. "I can not lie, my sword will only rise for you."

He winked at you, and you scowled. "Come now, I know you like it." "What, that you can't get it up without me?" "Yes," he breathed hoarsely, grinning once again. You moved now to kneel next to where he lay, whispering in his ear;

"Mayhaps I do, even if you are so wanton as to rise even now-" You traveled you hand down his chest as you spoke, down, down, until it was hovering over the tent in the blankets, right where his cock would be. Taking your index finger and thumb, you carefully caressed the head, giving John the false sense of pleasure, before you snatched it away by squeezing your two fingers together tight around his cock.

He threw his head back and moaned. A pathetic display. You held that position for a few agonising minutes- if you squinted you might have been able to spy tears beginning to form in his eyes. Until finally, you let go. He huffed, cheeks flustered, leaning up to kiss at your neck, mumbling about how much he adored you.

You got up, away from his touches, and he whined impatiently.

"Daaarliiinnngg-!" "Cease." The bastard pouted at you, but seemed to forget his annoyance upon seeing you now straddle him, and pull your skirts up. John licked his lips. Your fingers danced at the hem of your bodice- John was pouting again.

"Please." "Hm?" "My love.." "If you do not speak, I will know not what is you crave." You locked eyes with him, gaze firey with lust;

"Your heavenly bosom, let me see, please," Laughing a little at his description, you opted to allow him one small victory, pulling your dress down just below your tits, making a show of it. Pushing your breasts together and rubbing your nipples just out of his reach. His hands clenched, desperate to touch you.

"You are a cruel mistress." "Am I?" "Yes! Taunting me with such a godly vision-" The prince's complaints were cut short, as he spied your hand travel down from your chest to your core, diving under your skirts out of sight. He whined again, thrusting his hips up so that he might gain pleasure from friction- but you saw it coming, and lifted your hips up further than he could reach, earning you another brazen sob from him.

He looked up at you mournfully, as you fell silent, so as to make sure he heard loud and clear the wet squelching of your cunt, as you played with yourself right on top of him. Your head fell back, and you sighed, as you sunk ever deeper into the fells of pleasure.

Then, he smiled at you, almost hopefully; "Ride my face?" It was meant to sound like an offer, despite really being a plea. Your voice was a little stuttered, "No." "No???" "No." "Why not???" "I will not give you the satisfaction." John mewled in despair- you saw through him so well.

Now, it seemed, until you reached your peak, John would be left to sit and watch, sorrowful that he could not join in. You did your best to draw it out, though you could not keep yourself from climaxing for long. It came in waves, soft and warm, rolling like desert dunes inside of you. John watched the ruffling beneath your skirt with a fixed, steely gaze, his brown eyes strangely soft, and unsuccessfully resisting the urge to coo at you as you came down from the high of orgasm.

Phew. The torture was over. You would untie him and he would plunge his length deep inside you until the both of you passed out. Or... that's what John expected. After a few moments to gather yourself, you moved to dismount him.

His shit-eating grin fell when he realised you weren't moving to untie him, you were pulling your dress back together and walking away.

"My love???" "What?" You turned back to him, feigning confusion. A beat of silence, and John realised you planned to leave him there.

"Release me!!!" He yowled out, high pitched like a hungry cat. You turned forwards again, each step you took away from him earned you a threat from him;

"When I am free I am going to tear your clothes off and fuck you till you can no longer beg me to stop!! Till you peak so hard you piss yourself, do you hear me?!? I will ruin you!!!!"

You paid no mind to his threats- they all sounded quite fun anyway. Besides, it was hilarious to hear him still wailing after you even as you were halfway down the hall.

What must the servants think of him?

[muffindaddystyles]

SERENDIPITY.

(n), beautiful accidents turning out in beautiful journeys.

Nothing to explain, just Vampire!harry.

Smut, Smut and Smut.

Masterlist , Let's talk about more vampire H!

Author's Note: This's me just testing waters with my fantasy writing skills. It got deleted at first and I had to write everything again with fat sad tears. Tried my best hope ya'll like it. Reblogs are always appreciated and I kinda deserve it for this one *sheepishly*

She ignores whatever he's saying craving the overwhelming feel of stars and flowers when he bites her, "Can you bite me, please?" He startles at that brows skyrocketing.

Giddiness stirring in his stomach and how bad he feels to brush her off, he has to do it for her sake. "Now, that's not an escape ye' should seek fo' right?" He gives her a stern look when she whines throwing her head back.

Or

Y/N interrupts Harry amidst his meal and ends up him clinging to her.

Kittens. One hell of the beasty creatures they're. You'd give them your heart but they'll prefer their two hours sleep over it. Such type of beasty wee landed Y/N into such situation. She's been searching for Meowsie her cat for fifteen minutes now when she heard a feeble cry of an animal. The tall trees with it's roots snatching at soil - the moon at it's peek. Gasping she crouches down for the rescue of a deer with it's fur wrenched in blood. 

When she does so her eyes struck at the sleekness of a pair of loafers stubbing yellow leaves under it. A groan of annoyance whirling in air and gulping she rakes her eyes to find a tall, swiney man staring down at her in offence like she disturbed him. 

He's gorgeous. Features that of greek sculpture with silk kissing it, eyes –well she can't figure them out in her fear. "Who're ye'!?" He snarls and she toppled back on her bum with a squeak, "Aish. should be asking you the same." She shuts her eyelids. He thinks she's very stupid for leisuring in an abnomished forest at this hour of night when every creature's ready to strangle her alive. 

"Who're you?" She emphasizes each word grabbing the broken branch and pointing it towards him mustering some courage not letting her brave cascade waver. 

His first instinct was to say that he's vegan. But, why should he when he's not. He doesn't like lying. 

He steps from under the shadows of trees rims glimmering under the beautiful moonlight, "Could be anythin' ye'r little brain's been thinkin' of." He smirks towering her and scrambles back. Her facial expressions blown out more from the fright he's causing. 

Poor little thing. 

Before, he could fill in her curiosity his prey escapes into darkness gaining his attention. He growls throwing his head at his shoulders — Harry isn't that of tantrum throwing person (a practice of one hundred year has taught him that bitterness brings you nothing) but he's been devastatingly hungry and the feeding clubs grossed him out. 

The smell of grinding bodies, sweat and the combination of different human's blood makes him sick to core rubbing his appetite away. He's bored of them. 

Her sweet glazing auroma calls him to trap her and take a succulent bite out of her but before that she benefited the opportunity running away from him exiting the dark forest only to find Meowsie snuggling inside her bed. 

"You batty creature!" She huffs, "No wonder I'd be found – dead one day because of you." 

With whoever; she bumped in the forest wasn't human at all Y/N thinks. 

.                                  .                                .

She's been fighting her sweet tooth for so long but it's not helping her. She muttered a fuck it before lecturing Meowsie, "No sneaking." When Meowsie meowed bobbing her head she cheered, "Good baby." Like a proud momma. 

It was success. Reaching the nearest store and buying the oreo yogurt to savour it immediately. When she strolled outside gloomy vibe hit her causing her nerves to shudder winter chillness freezing her toes.

The cup hits the pavement and she emits a loud scream as a brutal force rams her in a brick wall. 

A groan of pain rumbling in her chest and she shuts her eyes as a shadowy demon creeps up her calves agonisingly trying to pop her in two. 

Counting on her death when it screeches in horrifying noises being ripped into bits and pieces mercilessly. When she squints her eyes open she finds the mossy jade eyes peering down at her more pissed than he was in the forest, "do ya humans don't sleep at night? Or are ye' a mouse that steals good-ys at night?" He traps her head with his hands on either side of wall and she grumbles at his insult of calling her human. But isn't it what she is? A human? 

"I -- don't be mean." She pouts hissing at the dull ache in her legs and he sighs voice getting gentler, "Can ye' walk?" When she nods he scoffs with a thick accent lips quirking and nose scrunching. He wanted to leave her at it but the scared look on her tightened his chest and he felt his responsibility to walk her home safe and invest if she got hurt. 

"No you can't!" He winds his arms around her encouraging her to put all of her weight on his side as he walks her. "Who're you. And how did ya do that?" She asks with a timid voice. He doesn't want to scare her away but the truth's he's been keeping an eye on her for days. Muttering a curse to himself whenever she'd have her nightly visits without a care for herself. Silly human. 

"Harry." He replies without a care and if it wouldn't be for the pain she's feeling she'd have never let him inside her home. "I can't even eat my yogurt in peace 'cos of you Harry." She reproaches as he sits her on sofa taking her ankles and putting them over his knees. 

[That's how I felt when you interrupted my meal you little pesty thing he wanted to mutter but held back.] 

Taking out the potion Nana gave him that heals painful scars. 

"It'll hurt a bit little mouse." He murmurs pulling out the cork of bubble shaped bottle she flinches, "Don't call me that!" Staring at the way her ripened gnashes disappears in beautiful spirals. "Then stop acting like a coward-y mouse." He stands up looking down at her slumpy with sleep. He shushed her, "'s okay. . ." with each dab feeling sorry for exposing her to his world and now the demon who was manifested without a precise spell thought they're co-related kept lingering around her and well he couldn't leave such an innocent girl to be harmed by evils.

"Not gonna tuck ye' in bed, now." He stands up chin doubling raising his hands in defence albeit he's privy for such actions. Too domestically affectionate for him. 

"Please." She doesn't want to be here on uncomfortable sofa and wants to snuggle inside her blankets. "Fine." He rolls his eyes not giving heed to the angelic details of her home for that it'll create a soft spot in his heart for her. 

His body swimming in her scent once stepping inside her room and he tucks her under quilts grabbing Meowsie akwardly and putting her beside Y/N so she could cuddle with her. He stares her for time and Y/N doesn't hear door shutting and he's out of her bleary vision in a tick 

.                                  .                           . 

White swarms over the crimson in hues with yummy smell spreading everywhere along with the waves of Y/N melodic hum. Meowsie tries to rip the muffin batter and Y/N smacks her paw away ending up having a standoff stare competition with her in the kitchen. 

She literally heard her saying mean mommy. 

Y/N thoughts are all over the place. All she could think of is his's stupid beautiful face and they way his gentle touch made her feel floffy from muscles. He shouldn't pesk her like that. The white chocolate chip pops and she was about to see if they were done when a rasp crawled in her ear making her jump and causing the pyrx bowl to hit the oak counter, "Been thinkin' of meh, lil mouse?" 

"What the fuck. Harry!" She spins sending him into fits of laughter with squeaky scream.

"Not funny. Don't you guys not go somewhere unless invited?" She gasps putting her hand atop her heart and Harry's eyes follows her commotion, "'course we do. Got some manners 'n shite." He scoffs with cupid bow quirked up and nose scrunched. 

"Then where are your manners now?" He smirks at that leaning at her level, "You manifested me s' hard it broke rules." Heat splashes on her cheeks and she notices the intricate details of his features finding them dull and sick than his prior glow. She gasps in shock taking his hands leading him to sofa and sitting him with a push to his shoulders. 

"God. You look terrible what happened?" He gives out a smile at her care throwing his head into headboard cushions, as she scrambles back to kitchen to take out muffins from oven she asks worriedly proper concerned for his health, "Would you like something?" 

A warm mug of delicious bubbling blood thank you very much.

He wanted to mutter but his throat went dry from the headache making him all dizzy. He's been death starving for days now cause his appetite seems to vanish and tongue wouldn't accept any kind of blood since the day he smelled the gush of crimson running inside her veins. 

"Can I bite you?" He regrets the moment it slipped from his tongue. Y/N doesn't seem to mind instead mulls about it for a moment putting two warm hot cocoa milk and red velvet muffins on the lil coffee table. 

"Will it keep you alive?" When Harry closed his eyes in gentle affirmation she cranes her neck to side like she has seen in many movies. "Okay. Go then." He smiles weakly taking her fingers ever so tenderly in his hold and ushering her in his lap. 

"If you wouldn't mind — it'll be more comfortable like this. ." She just nods knees bended on either side of his thighs and his mouth waters at her appetizing sweet smell. He rakes his nose along the curve of her neck swearing that she's made of puddle of how soft her skin's. His senses wrecking havoc as his fangs glistens at the surface grazing against the barrier of her sensitive spot. 

"Aa-a!" She cries out and He pulls her back anxiously brows kinking, "Didn't even bit yet." 

"Surprised is all." She confesses shyly and Harry shakes his head with a silly smile letting her fist the hem of his shirt tight as he wrapped his arm around her waist smushing her closer to him and keeping her head in one place stopping her from squirming..

"Ticklish baby mouse ye're." Saying this he pushes his fangs into her flesh and she created a mousey noise head lulling. He gives out a moan-y growl at the taste of first droplet hitting his tongue. He doesn't think he could stop from now on. She tastes like the nectar birds of heaven could feed on. 

His body coming to life. Inners feeling fresh as ever again. 

She feels float-y. Like taking a nap over clouds and letting the zephyr cocoon her and she stuffs her face in the crook of his neck breathing him happily with a loopy smile.

This's oddly satisfying and calming. He wants to take care of her. She's a beacon he always wants to keep protected from the storm. He gasps feeling himself nourished all over again after days of starvation. Lapping at the shiny drops of what's left making her giggle and he could easily recognize that smell. Of her arousal. 

She's all worked up in his embrace snuggling closer to him. He has been in this position with many people before but once they serve his purpose they'd been walked away to take care of.

"Don't go lost on me little mouse y'need to eat somethin'." He settles her over his thigh taking the mug and muffins. 

Tearing it in two and bringing it to her mouth as she lays her head against his shoulder. He sighs happily feeling full as she nibbled slowly, "Thank you." He wipes the crumbs from the corner of her lips feeling the petalness of them and wondering what he shouldn't be wondering at all. "'S okay." She quips with cracky voice making Harry chuckle and sipping onto his own warm milk.

.                                  .                               .

Harry didn't know a human could attract him like a magnet to metal. She manifested him once and now he's always at her cosy home, he likes the radiance of sunshine that promises from her presence. They watch movies till the clock doesn't strike six in the morning, have secret rendezvous hidden from the eye of normal people at the places Y/N has never been, he has his weekly bites from her and in return brings her every Oscar Wilde's books from his shelf. 

Biting her's the most pleasing yet excruciating part because the way she melts like a honey over him like she depends on him and the sweet smell of her wetness that billows in the room makes Harry gripe at her sides, sometimes drinking more than her petite body could handle. He feels awful after that. 

Cuddles her to sleep and makes the walnut pie he learned from his Nana which apparently is a witch (she isn't actually his grandma — he has long forgotten about his real family). 

Harry took her to the vampires museum and when her marshmallow lips baubled in astonishment at the wings of Angels displaying on the burgundy wall. He kept his arms wrapped around her waist the whole time eyeing anyone that would look towards her weirdly (humans aren't allowed at vampire premises, but who dares to point a finger at Harry? No one.) One of the reasons he hugged her in a smushing coddling suffocating way to lather his scent all over her leaving her flustered and confused. Y/N has finally met someone that shares the same sleeping schedule as her insomniac ass. "We better leave before they hang me angel here too." His breath was hot against her neck running shivers down her spine. 

His words carrying amiability and seductivity causing Y/N to gape at him. Did he just call her his Angel? He definitely did. Annoying leech that's fucking up with Y/N's emotions. 

They didn't talk about it at all after that. 

Harry did with Nana. Freaking out to her how his emotions are always spiraling for her. That he wants her all to himself. Wants to feel her in ways that's beyond just the touch. Nana just laughed it off and made him eat his coconut pie. He almost choked on his bite. Adam apple bobbing in pain when she cleared to him – that; The they indeed have bonded to eachother. 

Her blood runs inside him. His marks are on the most precious spot of her body. Where lovers claim their affection — how could he not feel like that towards her? She's sure that Y/N also feels the same for Harry. 

Harry was getting done with some cluster of work when a stab of pain invaded his whole body prickling uncomfortably against his skin. Something's up. He could feel in his bones that his little mouse's not okay. When he goes her home he's met by pure silence making him more anxious than he already is.

He picks Meowsie from the floor rubbing her crown as he steps inside her bedroom. She's layered under many fold blankets in her bed shrinked into a pea and her head perks up when Harry's voice reaches her, "Angel. . ." She throws everything aside tackling him to mattress making him squeak.

He smiles petting her hair as she purrs against his chest fisting the hem of his shirt tightly. "One of those days?" He asks genuinely not stopping his gentle action and she bobs her head  vigorously bottom lip wobbling, "Oh my little mouse – c'mere what happened?" His gaze flitting between her's as he cups her cheeks squishing them adorably. 

She ignores whatever he's saying craving the overwhelming feel of stars and flowers when he bites her, "Can you bite me, please?" He startles at that brows skyrocketing.

Giddiness stirring in his stomach and how bad he feels to brush her off, he has to do it for her sake. "Now, that's not an escape ye' should seek fo' right?" He gives her a stern look when she whines throwing her head back, "Then can I bite you?" She just wants to distract herself from the unbearable headche of her history course. 

He chuckles breathily at that sighing because could he say no to her? No. He smiles down at her dimples denting in his cheeks, "Kay. Go then." She stuffs her face in the dip of his neck sniffing the marbled beach fragrance of him that of summers I'm December's cosiness. Her teeth grazing at the curve of his pale skin and Harry closes his eyes in anticipation. He feels intimidated by this little human being like no other. His little human.

Her teeth grazing against his cold skin and Harry almost whined letting a moan slip his eyes rolling back into his sockets as she bites him. His hands on her ass twitching to grope at the flesh when his cock stirred with her heat leaking against it. She creates sweet filthy noises succling the mark and "Enough." Harry cleared his throat and the haze in his head bounding her wrists between them pulling pulling her away looking at her sternly when she whines. 

"Baby. . talk to me." He caresses her cheek with his knuckles but she ignores his words floating in her all headspace staring the mark she created. Tracing the beautiful hue of love bite with her fingers, "How did it feel?" Harry's eyes flutter with charming smile as he kissed the hand which's not busy memorizing him. 

"Like a lil mouse ticklin'" She leans at that kissing her work of art, giving wet little sweet kisses up his jaw palms running down his midriff as she whispered. 

"This?" Her hips stuttering with his swell sitting delicious between her panty clad pussy lips, she peers up at him from her under her lashes as her lips rested against the corner of his pillowy full mouth. 

"And this?" Test of his patience. "Like I've never felt before." Saying. He smudges his lips against her's in a succulent, sweet and affectionate kiss. Lapping tenderly with his pink wet tongue at her mouth to deepen the kiss squishing her cheeks in the process. Swallowing her whimpers and whines down his throat like she's most precious. She humps his bulging cock with erotic swivels of her hips and Harry griped at her sides to leave blue blemishes in some hours.

He closes his eyes still smiling foolishly resting his temple against her's – noses doing eskimo kisses. 

"Can we talk now, what's disturbing my angel?" He tucks her hair back kissing her forehead and she bobs her head embarrassed at her tantrums. "It's silly. 'M gonna fail my history exam." His eyes twinkle, "Just havocin' your brain for this?" 

"No worries. I gotcha."

. . .

This's how they ended up like this surrounded by notes and papers. Harry complaining with an unbelievable scuff, "What do they teach ye' kids now days? That didn't happen at all in history." Still ending up helping her with learning which ended up him giving her his slender fingers fucking her with them to let her work for her reward.

"No pet. Wrong answer." He tutted eyes still on the quiz card and it's the sight for sore eyes. She cramps her thighs around his wrist and he curled his fingers rubbing her walls in return as a warning, "Come on lil mouse ye' right there." He leans from the edge of his chair to snatch a chaste kiss from her parted ones.

"189-5?" She mewls not sure of her answer and Harry again pressed his lips against her's murmuring against them driving a third finger inside her and rubbing her clit in circles with his thumb, "such an intelligent girl. doin' s' good fo' me – wanna cum?" He bites at her earlobe gripping the quiz cards tightly.

"Yes. Please‐" He cuts her off taking his digits out making her whine and squirm loudly. Sage coloured panties clearly drenched in her slickness as Harry licks her sweet juices like a hungry kitten from his fingers wrapping his magenta lips till his knuckles — if it's a lollipop humming around them vulgarly.

"Harry No!" She huffs making grabby hands at him and he squeezes her bossom thigh to push her down, "Harry yes. Now -- tell me babe where Buddhism originated from?" He wets the pad of his thumb nonchalantly eyeing her playfully and Y/N just wants to kiss that pink pretty tongue as he turned the page around.

She grabs his hand moving them closer to her swollen pussy head falling at his mere graze, "Please." He gives love nibbles at her cheek flickering her clit to tease her.

"What baby?" He murmurs gliding them up and down her slit causing her to rock her pelvis against his touch his freezing fingers adding upto sensation. "Want your fingers." She gasped breathily because before her request Harry was stuffing her back with his fingers massaging the sweet shell of her g-spot.

Her tummy coiling with pleasure and she threw her arms around his neck parted lips pressing against his throat, "Last quiz and then ye' can come all over me fingers." He tells her pinching her thighs. His cock weeping in his pants. The world around them deafening to glitter noises and Harry puts his chin atop her shoulder raising the card infront of her shoulder as she thrashed in his arms.

It was for his last criss-cross of swipe when she gushed all over him with noises that stroked Harry's ego and this time he gave her a hickey coaxing her orgasm from her high, "Hmh. S' warm I could stay inside ye' forever." A sugary smooching voice echoes in room when he kissed the spot between her ear and neck.

Y/N thinks Harry has successfully made a nest in her heart.

. . .

They were flopped over quilts in her bed moon glowing happily in love with them together and Y/N turned in his arms admiring each glimmer of his skin with an awestruck puppy eyes, "You're such an Angel. . .so pretty." He chuckles softly bringing her closer to her chest to hear her heartbeats.

"People think otherwise my mouse." He gives out a 'oof' sound giggling when she climbed up his torso heels of palms pressing against his pecks. "You're for me resting in the depths of ye'r skin — that went through love and sorrows, nourishment and pains until god decided you were meant to be mine. . ." She sucks in a breath cupping his beautiful face to lull it side to side. Harry could bite her whole made of petals and honeycomb she is. He stares her zoning out for a moment.

"Sorry. But seeing ye' with my bites makes me s' hard. . ." He whispers. "Bite me again then." She nuzzles in the crook of his neck pressing her wet crotch down against his hard dick pressing against his zipper.

"So polite and carin'." He grins smacking kisses against the thin skin of her shoulder reaching the mark that's still pudgy and purple. She moans getting him out with shaky fingers and kissing him heatedly in full vigour making slick filthy noises. He slaps her bottom ripping her panties to throw them carefully rubbing his weeping blushed head in between her clenching pussy lips to smudge their arousals.

Whimpers of bliss whirling in air when he slipped inside her slick cunt filling her to brim his balls pressed against her bum, "Fuck. Just how I imagined — tight 'n snug. I love ye'r cunt baby." He gritted grinding his pelvis against her's in slow teasing motion hitting one spot continuously.

"Feels good. . ." She cries softly thighs quivering by his sides and he wrapped his hand around the nape of her to bring her down for another passionate kiss, "Would ye' bond to meh? Huh - lemme cum inside ye'r pretty pussy? Make it mine?" He mumbled wet-ly against her lips sucking her lower one to make it all plump and pinkish.

"Make me yours." She gives out a squeaky whimperish moan when at her words he licked his mark biting it. Her walls creamping around his cock to feel each, ridge and thick vein and she turned a loopy butterfly in his arms.

"Ye' can't cum unless I give ye' permission and I've had plenty to drink. . ." He growls grabbing her jaw eyes turning oyrx and she wipes her own blood from his mouth to press her thumb against his tongue letting him suck. Now, she doesn't have one mark only it's plenty that of flowers scattered on canvas.

He stretches his legs wide toes curling holding her down from her hips to fuck into her with rough mind forging thrusts, "Yes!" Y/N whispers with hoarse throat that she hasn't spoken from months.

"Cum fo' me. Over me cock baby wants to feel ye' Angel." He moans fondling her breasts in his large calloused palms smauching kisses at very skin he could find to shower his love to. Y/N comes a wave of shiver running from her soles to head as she just created noises straight out of porn.

Her creaming around him. Warm and slick cum dribbling down his balls didn't last Harry too. He came inside her in thick spurts of ribbons leaving blueprints at her arse.

They remained like this for some moments. Cacooned into eachother breathing eachother Harry memorizing her to memorize the memory he could never forget and caresses her cheek with the back of his hand.

He lays her on bed gently slipping out of her shushing her with pecks on mouth when she whined from sensitivity, "Gonna take care of ye' little mouse." He bends her knees kissing them stroking the insides of her shivering thighs to calm her down taking his discarded boxer from side.

"Want you to squeeze baby -— I came alot." She does as he said and he cleans her with his clothe showering her in kisses and praises.

Running a steamy bath with essential lavender and rose oils and bathe salts. Resting her between his legs to feel her skin everytime against his skin.

"I love you. Gonna keep ye' forever." He whispers in the silence of night and she smiled with fuzzy heart. Feeling good and fluttery. "I love you too."

Shrugging she retorts playfully, "I'd be all old and wrinkly but you'd be still this gorgeous now that's unfairrrrr." He just laughs at her cuteness creating obnoxious kissing noises while kissing her face.

"Gross." She mutters bashfully eyeing him and he fake offends tickling her sides causing the water splash from rims, "Wasn't gross when I was fucking your brains out—" She tries to smack him in between laughters.

"Heyyyy."

[ms-indifferwnt]

“I’m Cold”

“I’m cold"

“And?”

“Can’t you give me your jacket or something?”

“Can’t you accept my proposal and marry me already?”

In which Prince Donghyuck’s parents are forcing him to get married and he decided to propose to the first girl he sees to shut his parents up

Genre: Prince!Lee Donghyuck x Maid!Reader, Angst, Fluff, Arranged Marriage (kinda), Slowburn

Warnings: Curse words, Suggestive (I’ll add more if there are)

Notes: Chapter 10 out of 13 of Im Cold. Im genuinely proud of this one, tell me what you guys think

WORD COUNT: 3.6k

Prev / Chapter 10 / Next

"You made me out as some kind of fool" Donghyuck raised his voice and looked at Y/n who was cowering at the anger the Prince was releasing "Why didn't you tell me about Hendery?"

You looked up at him "What?"

"The world thinks you are my Fiancé and you didn't think at all that I might wanna know if you're already in a relationship?"

"But-But why would that bother you?"

He froze, Why did that bother him? For the past couple of days he has been asking the same question, why would something like this be uncomfortable and why in the world did he care four days left and two weeks are up so why does he want to keep you more than ever especially now that he knows you do not belong to him? he looks down at his tea, bottom lip caught in between his teeth

"Your Highness?" You called and he lifted his head from looking down when he heard your voice and he see you, your head slightly poking in between the door to the tea room and he realized where he was. He just had a one sided, mental fight with you and he froze, he lost a mental fight by just a couple words, he rolls his eyes and massaged his temples, curling in on himself as if a scared animal, he bit his lip and closed his eyes, the shock and pain of everything that happened so far came crashing down and he covers his face while you entered the room with a worried expression "My Prince?" You called and he reached out for you, one hand in the air, with you following his action and moved to hold his hand, some of the maids that wee tasked to watch after Donghyuck watched as you helped the Prince sit up straight "What happened?"

Donghyuck knows that this is just him being a bit petty but his head was starting to ache from all of this and he still hasn't understood what the pain in his chest was. Ever since he has decided to join you in going home, the pain in his chest hurted more, the first it was he saw Lucas and you getting close then when you got hurt, then now after meeting both your brother and your boyfriend. He could brush it off but now, he can't even think straight.

The maids, once they saw the Prince curled their immediate reaction was to move towards him and make sure he was ok but you came first and had already assisted the Prince "Are you ok?" You kneeled down in front of him his hand covering his face while you held on to the other one that was reaching out, "Donghyuck?" You tried again slowly prying his hand out and away from his face only to be greeted to him crying, the tears were fresh and they wont stop, he attempted to wipe them away but they were still there.

Donghyuck tried to stop he did, of all people he doesn't want you to see him like this, but the moment that one tear dropped it all kept cascading down and he looks at you, you were kneeling and was now on the same face level as the Prince but the only thing  to see was how worried you looked, opening your mouth and letting go of his hands to wipe his tears and ask what could've caused this type of reaction from the crowned prince

The tears only fell more at the sight of you worrying over him and he places his head on your shoulder and you freeze "Just for a little bit" He whispers and closes his eyes, breathing in your scent to calm himself down, he wraps one arm by your waist, knowing you won't let him do this in a normal setting, he summons all of his remaining strength so say the next words "Let me put on a show" Let me hold you while I can

"Your Highness" You whisper "My knees are starting to hurt" you whisper and he smiles softly at the words, he lifts his head just by a little bit so it will no longer be heavy on your shoulders, letting you stand

The moment you did, Donghyuck had his hand grab and hold on to your hand and pulled you to sit on his lap, despite having enough space on the sofa he was currently sitting, In all honesty Donghyuck wasn't planning on you sitting on his lap, he was tugging you to sit by his side. You yelped and he raised his hands and pulled his head away in surrender, giving you a clear view of his swollen and red eyes and tears stained cheeks. It seemed he wasn't aiming for this outcome

You shifted off he lap and sat down by his side, he lowers his head and hides it by the crook of your neck and you straightened, surprised at the boldness of the Prince "Forgive me," He whispers "until my eyes are no longer swollen, I don't want anyone to see me like this" He shifts closer and kept his hand by your waist "Public Display of one's affection makes people uncomfortable, so no one will look this way" he whispers talking about the maids who were in fact looking at everything but the two of you

"I can ask them to leave" you whispered back and he hums "Your highness?"

"I don't want anyone to see, not even you"

You sigh "Please leave" And with that the maids bowed their head and left you and The Prince alone "What happened?" you shifted away from him and he sits up and turns away

"I said I didn't want you to see" He whines and you smile

"I'm sorry" He turns to look at you, the swelling and the redness of his eyes have gone down but it was still obvious that he cried from the tears that stained his cheeks, "You were upset because of me, right?" You smile and attempted to wipe the Prince's cheeks with your hanky

Yes. "Not exactly" He answered and sighed, letting you wipes his face "I was worried about you" He answered truthfully, "I'm sorry for not protecting you and even then it caused you harm"

"I told you, Your Highness, its alr-"

"Its not alright" He cut in "You got hurt and you cried in my arms, you were so afraid that you asked if I could stay in your room for the night, and when you asked to go back home and once you did, you cried into the arms of Hendery and then lost consciousness, what part of that is alright?"

"I'm sorry-"

"And stop saying your sorry" He says and pulls away from you, holding your hand "Please, Let me take care of you, you don't have to be strong, I want you to trust me the way you trust your family, I genuinely care about you Y/n and it hurts me to see you in pain so please," he bows his head and you gasped at the action not liking to see the Crowned Prince bow his head to you, pleading "Please let me take care of  you"

"Y/n" He calls once he spots heading in the direction of the lobby, after the scenario that happened this morning, this is the first time he has called for you.

After pleading Doyoung entered the tea room and Donghyuck, pulls away and stands, realizing that his words sounded exactly like a confession when he doesn't even understand his own feelings, he shakes his head, while you tilt yours cause you have no idea on what's going on "Please don't answer that" He whispers, he doesn't want to see which one'll hurt more, no and watch as you practically reject him or yes and make you choose between him and Hendery, it wasn't fair but Hendery had you first and your happy with him so who is he to take you away? "I'll call for you later, go eat breakfast" He smiles and just like it didn't look like he had a breakdown prior

"Y/n?" You blinked once the Prince snaps his fingers in front of your face "Are you ok? You're a little out of it"

You blinked and nodded "I'm ok" You smile and tilt your head "His Highness called for me?" You asked

Donghyuck tilts his head to the side and looks at the knights he has tasked to escort you "Please leave," he instructed and moved to settle beside you "Yes, I called for you, I wanted to ask about the issue about colors"

"Colors?" You asked with a slight tilt of your head

"Yes, colors" He offers his hand to lead you away, you stared at it before taking it "Its important that I get your opinion and" He pauses to bow to the knights by the door and lead you inside the ballroom and to a tray of sample colors, "Now pick"

"What for?"

"Just pick, any color at all"

"Prince Donghyuck"

"I'll tell you but pick a color first"

You pursed your lips but nodded and looked through the colors eventually picking out the color that catches your eye, and swiping it up and showing the Prince who takes it

"Pastel?" He asks to clarify if that was your chosen color, you nod and he smiles "Alright, So after I took you home and you met your family and-" he makes random hand movements to motion  for the people you met at the trip "Not only were you able to blow off some steam" He hands the color to a planner "Use this as your center, find other colors that match with this but pastel" He instructs and turns to you to continue his earlier statement "I was able to encounter valuable information" He takes your hand and leads you to a table and takes some pictures of flowers "Here, I'm thinking of these flowers or would you prefer the heliotrope?" he shows you the pictures of Peonies "they'd match well with the color you chose," He nods "Lets go with Peonies" He informs and nods at the gardener

"Your Highness, forgive me but I still don't understand why I'm here"

He nods and looks at you "Not only were you able to blow off some steam" He continued, letting go of your hand and placing his in his pockets "I also received valuable information"

"Information? about how strict my brother is?"

"No" He pouts at your teasing which was met with a smile, his heart skips "Your Birthday"

You blink "This is for my birthd-" You asked but that was rhetorical no wonder he asked you for what color or flower you prefer "No, Your Highness, You can't"

"I can" He corrected " and besides the King and the Queen also ordered this, so there really is no backing out now. Good news we'll invite anyone you want, Bad news I'm inviting the other Princes and there Girlfriends so expect to be flocked"

You looked at him "Why?" You asked genuinely confused "Two weeks will end exactly after my birthday"

He nods, sadly. It was just a moment but his eyes showed nothing but sadness before he smiles "Which will be the best birthday present" He leads you out of the ball room "Don't you agree?"

"You've started to enjoy the Patio don't you?" He teases when you lead him there after eating lunch with him and sat down on the sofa a bit far from the Prince "You're always here"

"Its relaxing" You answered and relaxed into the seat and looked out into the garden "It reminds me of home"

He looks a you and watches ho your hand was placed on the skirt, your posture relaxed and calm and he smiles. He didn't realize how much he wanted to see you like that 'till he saw you

"Thank you" You said softly and looked at him and he tilts his head "For a lot of things, for taking care of me and protecting my Grandparents home," He smiles at the memory of when he first brought you to a meeting  "And then that man who was making me uncomfortable, and then giving me sweets when I get upset" You laugh, Donghyuck looked away, a hand to his chest he can feel and hear the rapid beating against his chest and ears "Even that time you and I fought, you still told Yuta Oppa where my favorite shop was" He looks at you as you closed your eyes and giggled. Donghyuck was mesmerized at the sight, the afternoon sun bouncing off the patio floor and against you making it seem as if your glowing and angelic. Donghyuck paled, why is he seeing you like this? "And for protecting me against the Duchess and her daughter"

He swallowed and forced a smile "You deserve everything, I want you to be happy" He said truthfully "You don't need to say thank you to something that I'm willing to do anything for"

She nods and leaned against the sofa before smiling "Still, I'm very thankful"

He coughs and looks to the side to spot one of the butlers and he calls for him as you take your phone out when you felt a notification "Your Highness, Future Crowned Princess" He greats and you looked at him

"Crowned Princess?"

"He's not wrong" Donghyuck answers "Is that wine?"

"Yes, your Highness" He nods and starts to explain "Lord Taeyong and the King have asked for it"

"Great" Donghyuck says and motions with his hand "Get me a glass"

"Pardon?"

"You heard me"

He nods and places some wine in a glass as you leaned close to the Prince to whisper "Your Higness, its the afternoon"

He turns his head to look at you "I know"

"Here you go your Highness" the butler hands it off to the Prince

Donghyuck drinks it  "Thank you and uh leave that bottle with me" You and the butler stared at the Prince's request before he nods "Get The King a new bottle" He instructed and drank wine again

"Are you ok?" You asked "Why drink at a time like this?"

"I just needed to think" He answers and you tilt your head waiting for him to elaborate but he didn't

Donghyuck was stuck in his own mind, sipping wine in between. This is insane, Why haven't I ever thought about this before? Was I that dense or in denial? Oh this is insane, I can't even think straight- "May I go out your Highness?" Your voice broke through his thoughts and he looks at you

"Yeah, where are we going?" He asks and puts the the wine down

You tried not to smile "Just me your highness"

"Nonsense," He answers and looks at you "I'll go with you"

"You have schedules tomorrow" You pointed out and he shakes his head, you chuckled and showed him your phone "you do, and Doyoung Oppa has personally tasked me to make sure you do them, You've been neglecting your duties, your highness"

"I can move them" He huffs

You laugh "You did that yesterday, I'll be ok"

"Fine," He relents "but you're taking some of the knights from Honoris"

"No Your Highness, I'm just going home again, I don't need knights from the Honoris"

"You need an escort, its either The Honoris or me?"

You pout and Donghyuck had to bite his lip to remind himself that the sight infront of him is not a dream "One Knight from Honoris then and Your Highness don't bite your lip" You scolded and he stops "The natural tint of your lips will lessen if you do that"

He blushes and takes out his phone, clearing his throat and texting someone "I'll task Sir Yangyang with you" He changes the topic

"But Sir Yangyang might-"

"He knows about the deal" He cuts off "Yanyang will protect you so you don't have to worry"

You nodded "But I wanted to say that I wanted to spend time with Hendery"

He stops and slowly nods "Yeah, of course" He slowly looks at you and forces a smile and grabbed the wine from the table "I'll inform Yangyang then" he says and takes a drink

You opened your mouth to speak when your phone rang  and he rolled his eyes once he spots the caller ID: Dery💕 "Excuse me" You murmur and stood up to answer it a bit far from the Prince who refilled his glass of whine

Donghyuck looks at you and watches as the corner of your lips lifts to a smile and he takes a sip, dialing a familiar phone number and hearing ring he waits patiently for it to be answered

"Hello?" Mark says from the other line, "Wait, one second, Haegyong I swear I'm going to snarl when I meet your brother again just for the sake of seeing that face again"

"Yeah take your time" Hyuck replied

"Ok, I'm back" Mark says and Donghyuck can hear the sound of him sitting down on a chair "what's up?" Donghyuck wasn't able to reply cause the first thing he notices is you, you laughed at something Hendery said and it made Donghuck's blood boil "Hyuck?"

"Sorry, I was," He takes another gulp "thinking"

"How's Y/n? I heard about The Duchess scandal, is she ok?"

"yeah, she's ok. It scared her but she's ok"

"That's great, wait are you," Mark stops and listens to Donghyuck pouring himself another glass "Are you drinking?"

"Yeah"

"What Happened?"

Donghyuck extends his arm so Mark can hear your side of the conversation "Yeah, I asked his Highness and he allowed me to go, with an escort of course. A knight, Sir Liu Yangyang. I know you've heard of him" You laugh and coo "Hendery!" You scolded and Donghyuck places it back to his ear

"Who-?"

"Her Boyfriend"

"Oh." Mark answers and bites his lip "That's why you're drinking?"

"No"

"Then why?"

"Because my dumbass just realized how fucking stupid I am" He cries and takes another sip

"You're over exaggerating"

"No I'm not. Cause Why of all times did I have to think about it now?  or why of all people its her? or why, why of all possible 'worst case scenario' I have ever thought through my head, why, why dear lord, why this?"

"Hyuck" Mark starts and Donghyuck places his phone away from his ears once he noticed You walk towards him Your phone in your hands

"My Prince, I'm a bit sleepy" You started and he nods, smiling softly at you "May I be excused?"

"Yes, you may" He answers and stands "Get some rest, I'll call you for dinner, ok?" he reaches to hold your hand to lead you to your room

You shake your head "No thank you, I can go myself" You smile

He nods again and lifts your hand to give you a small kiss on your knuckles "Alright, be careful"

"Yes I will, Thank you" You bow and left the Patio in the direction of your room, Your phone was in your hand and he could see a clear view that your call with Hendery hasn't finished yet, he bites his tongue, anything to draw the pain in his chest away

"Hyuck?" Mark's voice drew him back to reality when his eyes watched you until you disappeared from view

"Hyung" Donghyuck's voice was shaky at best and he collapsed, sitting on the chair his hands in his face "Hyung it hurts" Mark stayed quiet on the other side as he waits for Donghyuck to elaborate "I love her Hyung," He sobs quietly into his hand and Mark bites his lip at his friend's confession "Why does loving someone hurt so much? I want to keep her Hyung," He pleads "I want to marry her, and be with her but, but, but why? Everything hurts Hyung"

I’m Cold Taglist:

@staysstrays @tyongf-sunflower99 @jackyeongljin @rebel-lious-alien @daydreamiies @channiespup @jaeshark @itlittlefangirl @ncttboo @manutuankim @annetsocial @hyuckiesoftie @little-precious-baby @sunshinedhyuck​

If you wanna be added, leave a comment♡♡

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 33: Existing in the Bit That’s Left

Summary: Life goes on, whether we will it or not

Read on AO3

Previous, master list, next

Chapter 33: Existing in the Bit That’s Left 

***

When a hermit crab dies, its shell is left behind, sitting at the bottom of the ocean. Empty and lifeless, it remains motionless as the waves cover it with sand.

Jamie had once owned a hermit crab. After it had died, it rattled him that the beautiful shell that looked so much like his pet remained even though the crab was gone. 

Now, Jamie himself was nothing more than a hollowed out shell. 

He knew his heart was gone, every ounce of love within him ripped away, but what had surprised him was that it was as if she’d taken his very body with her as well as his soul. He didn’t have the energy for even the most basic tasks. Food was tasteless. His vision seemed foggy. As tired as he was, he couldn’t sleep. Life seemed to happen around him, but he hardly managed to bring himself along with it. He was being buried under the weight of the emptiness. 

Nothingness shouldn’t have been so heavy. 

He spent three weeks laying in his bed. Barely eating, barely moving. 

Jamie was aware that he was wasting away, but he couldn’t seem to care. Claire wouldn’t want him to give up without her. Even more compelling, he wouldn’t want her to act like this without him. Even as he’d sent her back through the stones, he’d told her to live a good life without him. He wanted her to be able to move on. Except he couldn’t bring himself to do the same, and he never would. After knowing the joy of a full life, there seemed nothing left for him in this hollow existence. 

If he could have reached out and grasped onto some sort of hope in his new life without her— not that any seemed to exist— he still would have chosen not to. All the right decisions, the healthy decisions, the ways to cope and move forward— they all seemed like a betrayal. He didn’t want to move on; he wanted Claire back. 

The first time he’d uttered the horrible truth of Claire’s absence outloud was when Murtagh had forced it out of him. His godfather had come banging on his door after Jamie had ignored his texts for weeks, eventually barging in on Jamie’s state of depressed chaos. He had dragged him out of bed, forced food down his throat, and shoved him in the shower. After Jamie looked less like a corpse, Murtagh coaxed the story out of him— at least, the only story Jamie could give. 

“She’s gone,” he forced out. Hearing the words aloud was like a knife to the gut. He’d known they were true— every beat of his heart without the answering one of hers next to him made that truth abundantly clear. But being forced to say it aloud brought a whole new level of pain. 

Murtagh clearly didn’t know whether he meant she’d broken up with him or died. His godfather tried to probe him for details, but Jamie didn’t have it in him to explain anymore. 

“There’s nothin’ left for me,” Jamie rasped, “she was it. Claire—” his voice broke on her name, but he forced it out, finding some amount of reverence in the shape of it on his lips, “ Claire was my heart and soul. I dinna ken what to do, a ghoistidh.” 

“Ye do what ye have to, lad,” Murtagh said firmly, “ye keep going.” 

“How?” he looked up at him with tears shining in his eyes. “How can I keep going without her?” 

Murtagh brows drew together as he grew thoughtful. His expression reflected the gravity of the situation. His godfather knew that he was desperate for a reason to keep going, crying out for help. Words couldn’t heal him, but something had to be said. Murtagh took his time before saying them, very carefully. 

“Ye’re no’ without her, though. No’ really. Ye’ll carry her memory wi’ ye. Ye keep going, and ye bring her wi’ ye, even if it’s no’ in the way ye would have liked.” 

Jamie swallowed the bile rising in his throat. All he could hear was buzzing, the cotton in his ears growing somehow thicker. 

“I don’t want to,” he forced out, shaking his head, “I don’t—”

The meager contents of Jamie’s stomach rose, and he rushed to the trash can before collapsing to his knees and heaving into it. The grief in his heart tried to force its way out of his body, and he wished it could just end this and tear him from inside out. Murtagh hovered behind him, offering him a wet towel, and Jamie sat back heavily against the cool wall. 

“I ken she wouldna want me tae give up,” Jamie said quietly, barely above a whisper, “but I just dinna want tae keep going.”

Murtagh’s eyes swam with emotion and his face crumpled underneath his beard as his brain came to a conclusion. Clearly his godfather thought the love of Jamie’s life had truly died. And she may as well have been to Jamie, or maybe she had actually di—

The fear that Jamie had been fighting for weeks rose inside him again. It was possible that Claire really was dead. More than just possible. She’d said coming through the stones had been torture, and she’d been so weak afterwards when Jamie had found her the first time she’d gone through. He could only imagine what the trip had done to his barely conscious lass, hanging on by a thread. Or maybe he had waited too long and it had been too late. Maybe she’d gotten back and was too weak to even draw energy anymore. Maybe she’d died on that hill, all alone, grieving his loss as much as he grieved hers.  

This fear haunted him, both waking and sleeping, tearing him into pieces. Seeing Murtagh’s face as the man thought Jamie was mourning her death, Jamie wasn’t so sure he wasn’t . He wished he could know what became of her— anything to stop this horrible speculating that churned his mind. But he was left in the dark. Left to hold on to the tiny comfort that he had done what had to be done. 

For his wife. 

Jamie let his head fall onto his knees, hugging his arms around them so they were pressed tightly to his chest. 

“Jamie. I willna allow ye to waste yerself away,” Murtagh said firmly. “I ken ye’re hurting, and I would never suggest ye ignore it. I only ask that you take care of yerself, even when ye dinna want to. If not for the memory of her, then do it for me, aye?” 

He raised his red-ringed eyes enough to see his godfather, and he realized there was real fear lingering on Murtagh’s face. 

As much as he wanted to let himself fade away, he could never do that to the man sitting in front of him who he loved so dearly. 

“Alright,” Jamie agreed, “alright.” 

***

When Jamie was young, his parents had a yearly tradition where they would send him to his grandfather’s house to stay for a couple of nights. His grandfather was loving enough, but every time Jamie went, he was overcome with intense homesickness. He would cry himself to sleep each night of the visit, feeling like the guest room was freezing to the bone as he imagined the warmth of Lallybroch. 

Every day now felt like that homesickness magnified a hundredfold. 

Claire had been the true home of his heart. Jamie longed and ached for her in ways he hadn’t known possible. 

Only that home had been lost. And he was left lying awake at night dreaming of her warmth and missing her with every fiber of his being.

***

While driving on the highway during a long road trip, inevitably one will see a plastic bag being blown down the road. Aimless, empty, and completely at the mercy of the wind. Jamie would watch them sometimes, tracing their progress before they drifted away. But he never asked himself where it would end up because it didn’t matter. The bag would simply continue on, moving forward without a destination. 

Jamie was no more than a bit of plastic pushed by the breeze. He stayed rooted to his life only by his promise to Murtagh. He began to go about his days with empty precision. He would wake up at 8, brush his teeth, eat one cup of parritch, and head into work. Every night he would come straight home, take a 30 minute walk around his property, cook himself dinner, and fall asleep to the murmurs of the tv. 

On the rare nights when he allowed himself out of his robot-like trance, he would venture into the closet of the guest bedroom where Claire’s dresses still hung, and he would bury his nose in it, hugging it close to his chest, searching desperately for a whiff of her earthy-rose scent. 

On those nights, he would cry himself to sleep. 

Jamie continued on, but he had no idea what he was moving toward. 

***

When he was a lad of about 5, he and Willie had gone out to the barn to play. They had a bit of rope with them, and Willie thought it would be fun to try to walk a baby goat like they walked their dog, Rufus. They’d fashioned a leash for the poor thing, but when the time came to “walk” it, the animal had simply laid on its side as he and Willie had dragged it through the dirt, wailing its disapproval but not moving a muscle until Jamie’s parents had run out and grounded them for a week. For the goat, there hadn’t been so much active resistance as simply a complete shut down. 

When Jenny showed up at Jamie’s door one night, ordering him to get in the car to come over to dinner, Jamie had simply obeyed. Getting dragged was easier than fighting. 

She’d driven him straight to Lallybroch, where she, Ian, and the brood resided, and Jamie somehow managed to find a weak smile within himself for the sake of his nieces and nephew. 

As soon as he came through the door, he was overcome by a stampede of little feet and grabbing hands. Chubby arms wrapped around his legs, his hands were grasped, and his body became a playground. 

“Weans! Where are yer manners?! Say hi to Uncle Jamie!” Jenny admonished. 

“Hi, Uncle,” came the obedient responses from wee Jamie and Maggie. 

Before Jamie even had a chance to respond, he was obliterated by an innocent, well meaning question that cut him the core. 

“Uncle Jamie, where is Ms. Claire? Can she come to dinner too?” 

Jamie froze, every muscle coiled up on instinct from hearing that name. He’d tried to numb it out, tried to let himself get dragged on through life without the roadblock that was any mention of his lost love. 

Jenny knew, of course. Murtagh had told her about Claire’s “death”. Her face shown with sympathy as she watched Jamie stumble back onto the bench seat behind him. He sat down hard, pressing his hands to face, and peered down at wee Jamie. 

His voice was thick, nearly unrecognizable, when he managed to force out the following words: 

“She’s gone to live forever with the faeries.”

His eyes flicked up toward Jenny, whose face showed raw grief. She may not have liked Claire much, but hearing about her death spoken in such terms, or at least seeing Jamie like this, seemed to wreck her. 

Only somehow, speaking those words— the truth, disguised as a fairytale for children— actually freed a tiny knot in Jamie’s chest. 

Wee Jamie looked both disappointed and intrigued at the news. 

“Gone to live wi’ the faeries?” he echoed. 

“Aye,” Jamie nodded. He glanced up at Jenny again, and then back at the weans. Every thought in his head seemed to vanish, and he hadn’t decided to do anything, but his body was moving. He leaned down closer and gestured them toward him. Lowering his voice, he said, “can I tell ye a secret? If ye promise ye willna tell?” 

Both children nodded eagerly, waiting with baited breath. 

“Claire is a faerie. I found her on the faerie hill one day, and I took her in. She wasna meant to be here, you see, it was an accident. But we fell in love, and she decided to stay.” 

“But why did she go back then?” wee Jamie asked. 

Jamie swallowed hard. “She… well, she ran out of faerie dust. She needed tae go back to live with the faeries so she could have all the faerie dust she needs.” 

Tears gathered in his eyes, and he had to blink hard not to shed them. 

“I”m sorry ye lost yer faerie, Uncle Jamie,” Maggie said, reaching out her hand to rest it gently on Jamie’s knee. 

He took it in his, marveling at just how small it was. But brought him comfort, and for the first time in the past three weeks, he thought maybe he wasn’t entirely alone in the world. 

“Me too, Maggie. Me too.” 

***

a/n: One more chapter to go in arc II, and it's a big 'un. See you tomorrow and thank you so much for reading!!

Next

[clandonnachaidh]

Light Across The Seas That Sever (Ch4)

AO3

When he woke the next morning in Amsterdam, his feeling of utter contentment quickly gave way to dread as his hand eagerly searched the space in the bed beside him only to find it empty. Immediately, his eyes snapped opened and he looked around the room for her, for his Claire.

His heart sank at the sight.

The twin bed that she had slept in for the night prior to the one they shared was made, her suitcase gone from its spot by the door. He stumbled as he got out of bed, his limbs not quite awake yet as he burst through the bathroom door and he noticed that her things were gone. It was as if she’d never been there.

If not for the taste of her still on his lips, he’d have wondered if he’d dreamt the whole thing.

He spun around the room in a flurry, unsure of what he was looking for or what he planned on doing once he found it.

Then his eyes fell on the slip of paper that sat on the windowsill, the sun casting its rays down on her pen strokes.

I can’t bring myself to wake you. I have to catch my flight. I’ll let you know when I land in Boston.

Jamie’s heart clenched in his chest and he used the palm of his hand to rub at his sternum without thought. He knew that she was gone. He cursed himself for being such a deep sleeper, wished that he’d had the awareness to know that she had been moving around the room silently, packing her things to leave. But in the afterglow of their love making, having released tension and anticipation that had been building inside of him for years, sleep had taken him down and down until he was oblivious to the world. The last thing he remembered was the ghost of her fingertips on his cheekbone and his jaw as he whispered to her once in his mother tongue, the language of his heart that he knew she didn’t understand but hoped that she could feel the meaning of, before falling into a deep sleep.

“Mo ghaol ort, mo Sorcha.”

He had to find her, had to make her understand that he loved her and had loved her since the moment he saw her. Scrambling into the same clothes from the day before, he tore out of the hotel, not caring that they’d charge him for another night when he would inevitably miss check-out. He rushed to the train station and bought a direct ticket to Schiphol, his shaking fingers calling her repeatedly and his heart falling every time it went to her voicemail.

He left his third message, laying his heart out for her to hear, “Claire, please just answer the phone. Talk to me. I winna ask ye to do anything ye dinna want to do but I have to say it, Claire. And I refuse to say it on your bloody voicemail so answer yer phone, tell me where ye are. I’m on my way to the airport. I’m coming to find you.”

Once he arrived, he pushed his way past the crowds of holiday goers, businessmen in their suits and parents trying to corral their children into order. Suddenly thankful for the view that his height gifted him, he searched frantically for any sign of her. He’d found her flight on the departures board and raced to the terminal, praying to God that something had delayed her and she hadn’t had time to make it through security yet. The panic bubbled in his chest as he began to breathe heavily, black dots appearing in his vision. It took everything in him not to simply start shouting her name in the hope that it would bring her to him.

A furious hysteria was beginning to claw its way into his nervous system, controlling the frantic jerks of his long limbs that felt too heavy for him to carry. He dialled her number again and was astonished when she answered.

“Jamie,” she whispered and he felt his heart shatter at the pain in her voice. “Oh, my Jamie.”

“Claire, where are ye? What were ye thinking running off without saying goodbye?” His voice sounded desperate and angry as he spun on the spot, knowing that the compass in his heart that always navigated him to her side would point him in the right direction. Still, his eyes weren’t able to land on her. “Damn it, Claire, tell me where ye are!”

He heard her let out a sob.

“I’m at my gate. You won’t be able to get through.”

Unable to remain upright at her confession, he slumped against the wall beside him and let his head hang, releasing tears that he had been keeping at bay from the moment he had realised that she had left. He cried with her, not caring if people saw.

“Why did ye do this?”

“I couldn’t stand to say goodbye.”

“Claire, I lo-“

“Don’t,” she cried softly, only speaking when he went to say it again. “I’m begging you, don’t say it. If you care for me at all, don’t make this harder.”

He restrained himself from driving his fist into the cement and pushed his forehead against it as his fingers gripped his phone tighter in his hand.

“I canna believe ye weren’t going to say goodbye,” he whispered with a voice full of hurt and not devoid of anger. “Do ye regret it? Last night?”

Her answer came out in a burst, “No. No, I don’t regret it. But you’re my friend. My best friend and with everything changing… I’m going to need my best friend.”

“Yer being selfish, Claire. To give me hope last night and then to pull it out from underneath me, to leave me wi’out breath,” the words were spilling out of him, not caring if he hurt her. She had hurt him well enough.

“Jamie, I thought-“

“No, ye didna think at all. Only of yerself getting to have a wee bit of fun before running off and settling down a whole fuckin’ ocean away.”

With a man who’s not me, he thought.

The line went quiet apart from the gentle sound of her crying and the odd ragged breath that he drew into his lungs to try and settle his racing mind. He screwed his eyes shut and banged his head lightly against the wall.

“Claire, forgive me, I- fuck, I just dinna ken what tae do.”

“They’re calling my gate, I have to go,” she whispered.

“Please, I didna mean it, I was sore and said more than I meant,” he desperately tried to explain himself.

“I’ll let you know when I land. Goodbye Jamie.”

“Claire—”

When she hung up the phone, he sat on the floor and went to pieces. An hour passed before he was able to bring himself together enough to make his way back to the hotel, gather his things and get his own flight back home. With one look at him, standing on the steps of Lallybroch with the spirit of a broken man, Jenny set her mouth in a straight line. In a feat that would’ve astounded Jamie had he the energy to care, she kept her words to herself and brought him a bottle of whisky as he sat in front of the fireplace, somehow managing to keep her children from pestering their uncle. He spent days moping around the estate, barely speaking a word but she made sure that he knew that when he did want to talk, Jenny Murray would be there to listen.

It was two weeks after Claire had left that Jamie heard from her. It was early evening and he had just punished himself with a 10km run around Lallybroch’s grounds, thinking that if his muscles were screaming in pain then he might get some distraction from the dull ache that had set up shop in his chest. The minute he stepped into the hot stream of the shower, his phone pinged with a message. How he would kick himself afterwards that he hadn’t given it a cursory glance because when he exited the bathroom ten minutes later, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he saw it.

Sassenach: Message

He opened it greedily, desperate to receive any sort of contact since the painful last phone call that would play on a loop in his mind every night as he lay in bed, sleep evading him.

It was a picture of a bouquet of flowers, a huge arrangement made of foliage and sea holly, thistles and white calla lilies that he knew were her favourite. He’d spent more time than he’d like to admit picking out the perfect flowers for her and knew exactly which bottle of whisky to put in with it (the one that they’d drank together the night that he’d teased her that she had no friends before she replied with a blinding smile and said the words ‘I have you’). She had photographed them prettily displayed on a windowsill that was drenched in sunlight. Underneath she had simply written the words ’Thank you!’ and he realised that he had forgotten that he’d even arranged for the gift to be sent. It was meant be a moving in present, a little reminder of home and the people that she’d left. Now it seemed sad and it made Jamie and his bruised ego feel a bit pathetic.

But it was a start, a small plaster on the gaping hole that was their friendship but one that he was determined to improve on. Anything to keep her in his life, in whatever capacity. He replied to her message with hopes of her having had an easy move, asking whether she was settled in yet. Claire replied almost instantly and so begun the back and forth, both of them trying to be painfully normal as Jamie paced in his bedroom, naked as the day he was born and dripping water all over the floorboards.

When he slipped on a puddle of his own making, he chucked his phone back onto the bed and set to rummaging amongst the old clothing in his drawers in an attempt to find something clean. He really needed to help out around the house more, he thought. Jenny had been rushing around after a husband, two children and now her brother and she deserved better. He had started to deal with the pile of unwashed material that had accumulated on the floor by his bed when he heard his phone ring.

Without even looking, he accepted the call.

“Aye?”

“Hi! It’s Claire!”

As if she needed to tell him that. The minute that he heard her voice he felt like he could breathe that little bit easier for the first time since being in that fucking airport, the gentle lilt of her English accent making him picture the shapes that her lips made. The memory of it stabbed him in the gut and he took a calming breath, turning from his discomfort into the humour that they both teased each other with.

“Sorry whoever ye are, I dinna ken anyone with a Boston accent, ye must hae the wrong number.”

“Asshole,” she snorted. “I sound exactly the same as I always have. It’s… it’s good to hear your voice.”

He smiled into the phone, letting his voice soften and convey the sincerity of his words, “Aye, Sassenach, it’s good to hear yours too.”

An hour or so later, when Jenny Murray went up to her brother’s room to let him know that dinner was on the table, the sound of her brother laughing halted her hand just before she knocked. For the past fortnight, Jamie had been dour, sullen and more prone to tantrums than Wee Jamie and Maggie put together. Getting the two of them fed tonight had been a battle, Ian trying his best to wrangle a teething Maggie as Jenny had an entire bowl of mince and tatties spilled down her front by her son. It had been a tiring night but now, the two wee ones were in bed and her brother was laughing again. Her heart lifted at the thought and she sent a prayer of thanks up to her parents for giving him a bit of a reprieve from his heartbreak.

“Sassenach, ye ken fine well…”

As soon as she heard him say it, she spun herself from Jamie’s door, cursing under her breath about her eejit brother who didn’t know what was good for him and definitely not what was bad for him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Claire, in fact she had been glad knowing that there was someone to look out for Jamie when he’s was away at university. Jenny always knew that her younger brother was more green behind the ears than he was willing to admit. When he had nonchalantly mentioned that he’d be bringing home a friend for the summer of his first year at university, Jenny had pulled Claire into a hug on the steps of Lallybroch, welcoming her with literal open arms and finding Claire to be a quick witted, intelligent woman but with a softness behind her eyes that Jenny hoped would lend her to being a good friend to her brother. The problem, Jenny quickly realised the first night they’d all sat down to dinner together, was that Jamie had fallen head over heels in love with her.

She tried her hardest to lighten her step as she made her way back into the kitchen, knowing that she would not react kindly to any teasing about her ‘stomping’ around the house. Instead Jenny took out her frustration on the chicken curry that was bubbling on the stove, whirling the wooden spoon around with a little more force than was needed.

“Did I miss saying goodnight tae the bairns?” Jamie’s voice rumbled against the stone walls of the kitchen, pulling her attention away from the storm cloud that was brewing in her stomach as she plated up for herself, his large frame appearing over her shoulder. “Smells fine.”

As the full plate slammed down on the countertop, Jamie frowned in confusion as Jenny turned, her hands set at her hips in a way that still put the fear of God in him.

He took a step backwards (out of her reach if she decided to brandish the spoon at him), his eyebrows raised along with a single hand. Jamie knew from experience that it was better to pip her to the post before she got into the swing of an argument, “Before ye say anything, I want tae apologise first.”

“And just what will ye be apologisin’ for this time, mo bhràthair?”

“For treatin’ this place as a hotel, havin’ ye run after me like I’m one of yer bairns,” he had the foresight to look genuinely penitent and it softened her a bit. “I promise ye I’ll start pullin’ my weight.”

“Well, I canna say that I disagree wi’ ye. And I’ll be thankful of the help, Ian was just sayin’ the west gate needs mending. About time ye bucked up and started helpin’ wi’ the jobs around here,” she said firmly. Jamie’s eyes narrowed in at her face, confused. He’d apologised before she even asked but there was clearly something still there that he hadn’t addressed, that she was expecting him to bring up.

“Is there somethin’ else?” He asked carefully, fighting the urge to pull up the door to the priest hole that he was standing on in an attempt to hide from her wrath.

Instead, she sighed and handed a second plate to him. Her hands went from her hips to the table in front of her as she manoeuvred herself to sit. He followed her lead and sat down across from her, watching closely as she began to eat after expelling another pregnant sigh.

“Will ye give me a hint as to what I’ve done tae piss ye off?” He grumbled as he began to eat himself, trying his hardest not to cower as she sent him a death glare from across the table. Suddenly, the space between her brows furrowed and she let the weight of her head slump into an upturned palm.

“I’m worried about ye, Jamie. I’m always worried about ye but still,” she said in a quiet voice.

“I ken I’ve no’ been out of my room much and I’ve been a right miserable sod. But I’m starting to feel better… I think.”

Jenny narrowed her eyes at him, trying hard not to let the judgement seep in as she quickly placed her hand over the top of his, rolling her eyes when he jumped at the sudden contact.

“I think ye should stay away for a while. She’s in Boston wi’ Frank and havin’ tae adjust to her new life, ye should give her the space to do it.”

Realising that she’d overheard their phone call, Jamie shifted uncomfortably in his seat, fighting the urge to pull his hand from underneath hers as she tightened her grip.

“She was just phonin’ to say thanks for the flowers,” he mumbled, spooning a large helping of his dinner with his free hand into his mouth to try and shut down any need for a further explanation. Sadly, his big sister wasn’t buying it.

“I ken that yer finding it difficult, mo bhràthair, but maybe this is the opportunity tae find someone. Someone who’ll have ye. Ye’ve pined for Claire for so long but she’s never—“

“We slept together. In Amsterdam.”

The words hung in the space between the two siblings, heavy as lead. Jamie had felt the twist of his stomach at saying the words out loud and shot a glance to his sister’s dumbfounded face as the information permeated her thoughts.

“Ye glaikit bastard,” she finally exhaled softly, earning herself a sad smirk from her brother. “Why would ye dae that tae yerself?”

Jamie shrugged his shoulders, “It seemed… it felt like the right thing to do in the moment. And then I woke up the next morning and she was already gone. Chased her to the airport an’ aw but I was too late.”

Jenny huffed again, leaning back in her chair.

“I just thought if I could tell her that I loved her, that I’m in love wi’ her, maybe she’d have stayed. But she didn’t let me say it.”

“Aye, sounds like Claire,” Jenny scoffed, quickly composing herself at the glare she received. “Suppose it makes mare sense for all the mopin’ ye’ve been doing.”

Jamie humphed and rubbed a hand roughly over his face, sinking his fingers through his hair.

“It’s fine, it’s done and I canna change it, wouldn’t change it anyway. It was a very special night for me.”

“I ken but, Jamie, she is gone. She has made her choice. And it’s coorse of her to dangle herself in front of ye when she’s away living her life and yer here, where she left ye.”

His bright blue eyes bore into her, a warning, “Careful, Janet. Claire is my friend and I wilna let her navigate this on her own—“

“She’s nae on her own, she’s wi’ Frank!”

“Aye, she is. And there’s fuck all I can dae about it so this is where I find myself. I wilna let my feelings get the better of me. I will be her friend, as I have been these past years.”

Jenny knew that there was no point in pushing. It was a Fraser family trait, digging your heels in, more often than not to your own detriment. And if there was one topic that Jamie wouldn’t budge on, it was Claire. She got to her feet and grabbed her plate, moving around the table to press a single kiss into the mop of his red hair before leaving the room.

“Ca canny, mo bhràthair.”

[aworldinsideaperson]

Accidental Marriage

Word Count: 2,467

Warnings: None that I can think of???

Summary: a spell brings feelings to light.

A/n: This is my first time writing an imagine in a WHILE sooooo… yeah let's see how it goes.

Here ya go @izzytheninja​!

It really had been an accident. Well, sorta. Mostly it was an accident at least on Y/N’s part; and George’s. Fred said it was an accident but as he stared at the two of them he let a devious smirk cross his face, that was until he read the bold print on top of the page and his eyes widened and his smile fell.  “Oh no.” Fred whispered as his head whipped up to look at his brother.

“What is it?” Y/N asked. When she had come to the twins apartment that evening she’d been planning on having dinner and a few laughs with her friends when Fred had suggested trying a spell he’d read about earlier in the week. ‘A binding charm’ he had called it. She’d figured her and George would have their hands stuck together for a few hours but when Fred turned the book around to show them, her heart stopped.

Wizard’s Marriage Spell

“Fred,” George spoke slowly. “Are you saying that you’ve just…”

“Presided over your wedding?” Fred finished, a nervous smile on his lips. “I think so.”

The room was silent, the three of them looking at each other in desperation. Finally Y/N spoke again, “What are we gonna do?” She asked softly, tears beginning to pool in her eyes and George felt his chest ache. Fred handed Y/N the book and the twins watched as she flipped the page back and forth looking for some kind of answer until she read at the very bottom of the page in tiny print

Irreversible magic. Spell only broken by death or similar means.

She handed the book to George and threw her head back against the chair’s backing. Silently George shoved the book at Fred with a glare. Fred looked at the page and gently closed the book. “I take it I won’t be invited to the reception.” Fred gives a smirk then looks at the newly married couple before him. “Sorry,” He mutters. “Just trying to diffuse the tension.”

“We’re twenty!” George and Y/N yell in unison. “I’m not ready to be married yet.” George continues, now flinging his head back on his chair. 

“I wanted to marry for love! Not because of some idiot who chooses not to read!”

“Hey now no need for name calling!” Fred exclaimed, “You agreed to test out some spells.”

“Yeah, when I thought we’d have our hands stuck together not married!” At this Y/N began to tear up as she grew more overwhelmed. George turned to her and felt his heart ache again. Yes it was a shock and he felt it deep into his bones but George had still yearned for her lips to be pressed to his own every night since the firewhiskey induced exchange six months prior. He still thought about the electricity he’d felt shoot through his chest as her fingers had tangled themselves in his hair, the way his fingertips had tingled when they had touched the skin of her hips. A moment over far too soon never to be spoken of again. He hadn’t even told Fred that her smile would make his world stop and her tears made it all come crumbling down. And now here she sat, his now wife, crying because she was married to him, not someone she loved. 

“Clearly, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts going on for everyone right now,” George began slowly, his eyes never drifting from her form in the chair beside him. He watched her shoulders shake as he fought the urge to reach over and take her into his arms. “Why don’t we cool down?” He proposed. “We’ll take a little while, process what happened tonight and then proceed later on with clearer heads.” Y/N nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes then stood quickly. She walked briskly to the door and then out of it before anyone could say another word. George had stood to walk her to the door but once it slammed a deep frown fell upon his lips and he fell back into his chair and slumped. Fred opened his mouth to say something before thinking better of it and slowly making his way into his own bedroom for the rest of the night.

It was three months before the topic was brought up again. George and Y/N had seen each other but only in group settings. They were never in a room with less than three other people and avoided the topic of relationships like the plague. But now, as she stood in the shop waiting for the twins to close up so they could meet some friends out for drinks the tension between the three was palettable. With her back turned Fred looked to his brother and nudged him before scurrying off to the back room. With the encouragement from his brother, George straightened his back and slowly approached Y/N who’s fingers ran across the shelves. He cleared his throat and she looked up at him with wide eyes and a soft half smile. “So I was thinking,” George began, “I know we haven’t talked about it but since we are, for better or for worse, married.” He took a deep breath. “That maybe we should try to make the best of it.” He finished quickly, averting his eyes to the floor

“And what did you have in mind, for ‘making the best of it’?” 

George looked into her eyes and smiled. “I was thinking we could go on a date, who knows maybe we’re perfect for each other and don’t even know it.”

Silence filled the room as she looked away from George and to the shelf on her right. Though all of George’s muscles relaxed when she looked back to him with a smile and nodded. “How’s tomorrow after the shop closes?” 

“Perfect.” He replied with a bright smile.

The next night George had raced through closing up the shop, and he was out the door only 5 minutes after they’d locked up. But after dinner with Y/N, and a long stroll back to her apartment, which had been far on the other side of town, George could hardly contain himself from the joy. Thus, one date to into two, two turned into 4, and 4 turned into every Thursday night, George leaving the shop a half hour early for a dinner date and leaving saturday nights for outings to the muggle movie theater that sometimes left him quietly creeping back into the apartment in the wee hours of the morning. They weren’t intimate, in fact they hadn’t even kissed but they enjoyed each other’s company. It was 3 months since the first date when Y/N came into the shop, just before closing, with a sour expression on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Fred asked, “Georgie here forgot a date?”

“No.” She said, frowning deeper. “My landlord is selling the building and everyone who’s lease is up was told we have until the end of next month to leave.” She laid her head down on the counter with a dramatic huff.

“Why don’t you just do a new lease?” George asked, his eyes still on the till he was counting.

“Because they’re renovating the vacant apartments.” She replied, the voice muffled by her arms that had now come to rest under her head.

“Well do you have a place to go?” Fred questioned, leaning onto the counter.

“Not yet,” She started, lifting her head to look at the twins. “Most of the places within a decent distance of the alley are fully occupied or outrageous. I mean one hundred and sixty-six galleon for a one bedroom? Price gouging!”

“Well I know a place, great location, decent pricing, neighbor is a bit loud but nothing too dramatic.” Fred began with a sly smirk.

“Where?” 

“Upstairs.”

“I don’t know Fred, it’s two bedrooms and they both seem to be occupied unless you two are up for sharing.” She gave a light laugh.

“Actually,” Fred’s smirk grew.  “It’s about to have a vacant room.”

“What?” Y/N and George exclaimed in unison.

“Man that is weird. But yeah Ang and I have been together a while, we get on real well and we thought it’d be beneficial for our relationship if we lived a bit closer, like in the same place. Sorry Georgie I was gonna tell you but slipped my mind.”

“When do you move out?” George asked.

“3 weeks time, beginning of next month. And you’re welcome to move in at the same time if ya like.” 

“Wow Fred, that’s perfect! Thank you.”

“No no you’re doing Georgie here a favor, if you didn’t move in he’d have to find another roommate and knowing his luck Percy would try to move in.” The three of them laughed and agreed on the move dates. George was thrilled at the prospect of living with his wife.

A month later the last of Y/N’s things were moved into the apartment and, though in separate rooms, she and George were living together 7 months post marriage. 

Six weeks later Y/N jolted awake in the middle of the night. Her mind had been filled with death and destruction and walls crumbling onto those she loved. Her eyes were filled with tears as she rose from the bed and padded her way to George’s room. She cracked the door open slowly and crossed to his bed.

“George.” She whispered soft, gently shaking his shoulder. He stirred and looked up at her.

“Yes dear?” He mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“I had a nightmare, can I sleep with you?” Her voice was timid but George nodded and moved back, holding the blanket up for her to snuggle in. With her face snuggled into George’s chest, she drifted off into a safe and peaceful sleep. 

The next night, she went straight to George’s bed.

Slowly their lives began to meld together. The two become more affectionate, good morning kisses, and nightly snuggles on the couch. George learned how she took her morning beverages and Y/N made his lunch before he ran off to work. They began to hold hands as they walked down the street and talk about kids in the quiet of their room at night. Before they knew it two years had passed since that accidental spell. 

Fred and his fiance had come over for dinner, the four of them now sitting around the table chatting. George had pulled Y/N into his lap when she stood up to do the dishes and now she sat on his knee as they all laughed at a joke Fred had made. 

“You know Fred,” George began. “We really have a lot to thank you for.”

“Why’s that?” Fred asked, draping his arm over Angelina.  

Y/N smiled, looking down at her handsome husband. “Well if you hadn’t done that spell we probably never would have gotten to this point.”

Angelina gave them a questioning look, her eyes looking back and forth between her fiance and the couple before them. “What spell?” 

“The marriage spell.” George stated simply.

Angelina’s eyes widened. “The marriage spell?” 

“Yeah like two years ago Fred did the marriage spell on up by mistake.” Y/N answered, unsure as to why Fred had never told his partner about that fateful night.

At this point Fred was unable to keep a straight face and he burst into a fit of laughter.

“What?” George asked, growing irritated at his brother’s behavior. 

“Mate, I didn’t marry you two.” He exclaimed. 

Y/N’s face fell. “You… you didn’t?”

Fred’s laughter continued. “No, I just knew George fancied you after that cheeky kiss you had, I thought maybe a little prank would make you do… this.” He said, gesturing to the two of them. “Don’t tell me you’ve thought you were married this whole time.”

Y/N jumped from George’s lap and with a horrified look at Fred stopped off into the bedroom.

George glared across the table. “Fred. You’re a horrible brother.”

“You got the girl didn’t you?” He said with a smile but shortly after George escorted the two of them to the door alone, his partner still holed up in their bedroom.

That night George and Y/N went to bed beside each other as they did every night even if they barely whispered more than a good night to each other. The next morning George’s side of the bed was empty. 

Y/N padded out into the kitchen to find a full breakfast filling the table and George smiling at her when she entered the room.

“I was just about to come wake you, sit down. I've made all the favorites.” He pulled the chair out for her and pushed it back in as she sat.

“Did you cook or…” She began, placing a bit of toast on her plate.

“I used magic but I did set the table myself.” He smiled,  taking the seat beside her. The two ate in a comfortable silence and as she stood to clear the plates George grasped her wrist gently. Looking over she saw George slip from his chair and onto one knee, her whole face softened.

“Y/N,” He began. “Two and a half years ago I kissed you for the very first time outside that pub in downtown London after a few too many fire whiskeys and I remember thinking ‘How did I wait this long to kiss her?’ All I wanted to do every single day after that was press my lips to yours but we didn’t talk about it again and I figured that you weren’t as interested in me as that night had led me to believe. Then the unthinkable happened, my stupid brother got even stupider, and married us, or at least we’ve spent the last two years thinking that he did.” The two of them chuckled at this point. “But it turned out to be the greatest stupid thing my twin has ever done because these last two years having you as my almost wife have been some of my best. I thought that we had skipped over this part but it looks like I need to turn our anniversary present into something a little bit more so, I’m asking you if you will become my wife by choice and not by accident.” George pulled a dainty ring from his pocket and held it up to her. A wide smile spread across her face and she nodded. George smiled back and slipped the ring onto her finger, jumping up to take her in his arms. 

She pulled away slightly to look up at her fiance then grinning she said, “Let’s splurge on a real officiant this time.”

[avengers-age-of-fanfics]

just for you, honeybee (6/?)

pairing: steve rogers x reader (platonic), natasha romanoff x reader (platonic), bruce banner x reader (y/n is a big fan of his), tony stark x reader, bucky barnes x reader

warnings: mention of bucky, fighting, training, mention of guns, takes place during The Avengers

words: 3,359

a/n: part 6! i honestly don't know how long this series will be, but i think i may end it at either endgame or TFATWS. so basically going through all the movies lmao, but skipping over a few. i just want honeybee and bucky to be happy but gotta add some angst.

Transitioning into a new world, the year of 2011, was no easy feat, and you appreciated Director Fury being somewhat patient and honest about how much has changed. Him, and apparently one of your biggest ‘fans,’ Phil Coulson, have been the most helpful with your adjustment, teaching you all about the new technology and supplying you with a new phone, courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D.

However, along the way, were a few speedbumps. You and Steve trained consistently in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s gym, almost leaving no room for sleep or taking proper care of yourselves. You both knew it was terrible, you should be looking out for one another, but the loss and confusion overran your needs to live a normal life. However, over time, he seemed to adjust better than you, as expected. Even though Steve had only been awake a few months before you, he jumped right back into the new world.

For you and Steve, the both of you had seen Bucky a few weeks ago; you had seen Steve a few minutes ago, from the time you had woken up. To everyone else in the world, including Steve, however, that was history, a moment written in textbooks ages ago; and for Captain Rogers, that moment was months ago.

In your mind, you deserved to release your anger out on some punching bags.

It had taken Director Fury and Agent Coulson a while until they shared the news to you and Steve, that Peggy was alive. They had claimed that since they found Steve, high hopes were in store for finding you, hence saving off on telling him beforehand. Steve had immediately wanted to see her but you hesitated; what would Peggy say to the both of you? How would she react to you both being alive? No matter, Steve had begged you to come along to visit Peg and you caved, giving him some time with her before he called you in.

Peggy’s eyes lit up, “y/n, you’re alive! Sweetheart…”

You smiled, pulling up a chair next to her, “hey, Peggy. How’s the strongest woman alive doin’?”

She sighed, grasping your hand, “better…much better. Howard never stopped looking for you, the both of you. He’d be so happy to see you.”

You sucked in a breath as her eyes turned glossy, “we know, Pegs. We know.”

She held back her tears as she continued, “he had a son, Anthony; just as stubborn but smart as Howard. You’d love him.”

Steve chuckled, “sounds like a handful.”

Peggy laughed before falling into a coughing fit, turning away for a few seconds. After regaining her breath, she turned towards you and Steve, “Steve! Y/N! You – you’re both alive; you came back!”

Steve gave a sad smile as your face fell, “yeah, Peggy, we did…”

Steve’s eyes teared up, “I couldn’t leave my best girl; not when she owes me a dance.”

Over time, the visits to Peggy became too much and you needed to rest. So, with little convincing to Director Fury, you found yourself in a small cabin in Bozeman, Montana, with frequent visits by both Coulson and your new female friend, Natasha Romanoff. At first, you hated the idea of someone visiting you during your time to reflect, but once you realized that she wanted to help you train and become used to your super serum abilities, you appreciated the company.

You barely had any time to adjust to your newfound strength, among other things, and you slowly became grateful that Natasha had joined you over the course of a few months. Sure, sometimes she was so nosy and bossy, waking you up in the ungodly hours of the morning to train, but she had slowly become one of your closest friends.

Honestly, some days it felt as if you just met Natasha the day before:

You stood in Fury’s office, arms crossed, as he stood adjacent to you, Coulson awkwardly standing beside him. “Why are you sending a babysitter to a place where I am supposed to be, oh, I don’t know, relaxing? Reflecting?”

Director Fury grumbled for the umpteenth time, “because, Agent L/N, you never know when the day will come where we will need you and Rogers, along with your special abilities. You are unskilled in hand-in-hand combat, among other areas in defense, and it’d be nice to enhance our agents.”

You uncrossed your arms, still very pissed off, “I don’t want them to visit me every day. That’s my one condition. I need time, Nick; I feel like I haven’t properly…taken everything in. I just want time to myself.”

Phil spoke up beside Fury, “and we respect that, Y/N, we truly do. But we hope you also see where we are coming from. Natasha Romanoff is very skilled in her profession and understands your situation – you’re in good hands.”

“Phil, you’re making me blush,” a female monotonous voice spoke.

Whipping your head around, you were met with a beautiful redhead who definitely seemed like an Agent, someone who meant all business. You’d learn later on that was just a façade.

“I- Y/N L/N, you must be Agent Romanoff,” you said, holding out your hand.

Natasha grinned, shaking your hand in hers, “just call me Nat, Agent sounds too formal. I look forward to seeing what that super soldier serum truly did to you.”

Apparently, not too much as she continuously kicked your ass in combat.

Training with Natasha was, well, with your lack of combat, embarrassing. You had your ass handed to you so many times, it was a bit pathetic – but she always told you that you were improving. You used your heightened senses to your advantage, listening to her footsteps and figuring out what move she intended to use next. You hesitated to use your strength at first, but with continued training, you knew Nat could handle it.

With Nat, you also became very skilled in shooting handguns, rifles, the whole nine. Your aim was impeccable and target training was becoming a breeze. The thought of shooting someone terrified you at first, but when Nat reminded you that hesitation could get you killed, you understood – there was no room for mistakes.

During your stay in Montana, you kept in touch with Steve, but only through short texts. He was not thrilled with you leaving him, but he understood where you were coming from; you needed to mourn but also keep busy, careful to not fall into a dark abyss. Fury kept you updated, telling you that he had pushed himself into training continuously and visiting Peggy all he could. You knew seeing Peg was doing Steve no good whatsoever, and your heart ached...but at least he got to see his long love.

Nat had been there when Bucky’s birthday passed, holding you as you cried, unable to leave your bed the day of and a few after. She held you as you yelled at the sky for taking away the most important person in your life, leaving you so alone. She knew you had Steve, but it wasn’t the same – you needed Bucky. But she also knew by letting you cry, your emotions out of your body, you’d feel so much more at peace.

And she was right.

Natasha also told you about Howard's son, Anthony, and from what you saw on the news, that was definitely Howard's kid. Tony was arrogant, self-absorbed, but did what he thought was right. After his declaration of being Iron Man, you followed Tony all over the internet, but hearing first hand from Natasha of the man that Tony was...Howard would be proud. You wished to meet him, you did, but something pulled at your heart, telling you that Tony probably hated you for taking his dad from him, forcing Howard to become obsessed with finding you and Steve and thus, costing him his life.

Natasha told you he might see you in that light, yes, but if you ever got to know Tony, he'd warm up.

You weren’t healed and you still weren’t okay, but you were…better. You hated whatever being there was in the sky for taking your James, but you came to terms with it. But the one thing you were so resentful about was the fact that there was no body, no funeral for him.

Becca hated that, too.

You had visited her in her old age, just like Peggy, and the two of you held hands as you talked about James and Steve – your boys. She had missed you so much, just like she missed Jamie, and she understood your pain the best. She had tried to encourage a search party for him, to have some closure, but the government refused. He was gone, and they couldn’t send more men to find a disfigured body.

You hated thinking about that, what James would look like. It haunted you in your nightmares, waking you up in the wee hours of the morning, his frostbitten body staring right back at you. Phil had found you a morning after such nightmare, sitting on your porch in nothing but an oversized shirt and a blanket around your shoulders, cheeks wet with fresh tears.

You sniffled once more, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, watching as a black car parked into your dirt driveway. The car opened and Phil Coulson emerged, as expected - on time for your monthly visits. Hugging onto the blanket tighter, you shivered against the cold air, hoping Phil would just leave upon noticing your state.

He did the exact opposite.

Phil took off his jacket, resting it upon your shoulders even though you had the blanket. You sniffled, inhaling his scent, and hugged the jacket closer, feeling Phil take a seat next to you on your wooden bench.

"I always found snow to be soft, almost like a cloud, falling down upon it when James and I would make snow angels," you began. A shiver ran down your spine as you continued, "but now, I can't help but think of his body just...plopping onto the ground so roughly that he was hurting, still alive, yelling out for anyone and..."

Phil ran his hand over your head, brushing your hair back, "freezing."

You glanced to Phil, "freezing to...to death. He must've been so scared, I-"

Phil shushed you as the tears formed, "no what if's, y/n. He's safe now - that's what matters most. You're okay, and so is he."

Your bottom lip trembled as you held onto the dog tags, nodding to Phil's words, "you're right, as always."

Phil gave a tight smile, "let's go inside and heat up some milk, 'm getting tired myself." Coulson held your hand for the rest of the night.

Trying to convince yourself to get some closure, you told yourself that the next time you were in Washington D.C., you’d visit the museum and read all about Bucky, all that he had done, and see the amazed looks of citizens who saw him as a hero. Your James Barnes was a hero to so many people, including yourself, and you should be able to celebrate his goodness from when he was alive.

You were going to go the next day until Director Fury knocked on your door at 2:30 in the morning, holding a file labeled “CLASSIFIED.”

You raised an eyebrow, “couldn’t have given me this at a decent time?”

He narrowed his good eye, “it’s urgent, didn’t have time for formalities, your highness.”

With a snort, you grabbed the folder from his hands, “glad you know how to properly address me. What time do we leave?”

Fury tilted his head toward the quinjet, directing your eyes toward Steve who stood alongside Natasha, “once you get dressed, Agent. You’ll have time to look over the file in the jet.”

You weren’t sure why you got dressed so fast; seeing Steve for the first time in about 6 months, finally going on a mission, or just getting some new sense of scenery. Either way, you engulfed Steve in a hug and he laid a hand on the back of your head, “hey, honeybee.”

Your heart ached whenever he called you that, but you figured it was one of the last things he could hold onto Bucky as his dog tags laid against your chest, “hey, Stevie. So, what’s the deal?”

Reading over the file while Nat gave more information about Clint – someone else who you had grown quite close to – you grew confused. You looked to Steve, “the Tesseract. That’s the blue cube that…disintegrated Schmidt, right?”

Steve nodded, “looks like Howard recovered it and it’s been in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hands since, but this guy, Loki, wants something to do with it – Hydra’s secret weapon.”

Fury spoke up from the front of the jet, “that scepter he has, it controls the minds of anyone it touches, including one of my sharpest agents. The Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy – that’s something the world sorely needs. Falls into the wrong hands, well…”

You shook your head, “you shoulda left it in the ocean.”

Silence overtook the quinjet until Phil came over to your seat, sitting beside you, “I’d like you to come along to recruit another member, if you don’t mind.”

You gave a small smile to Phil, “um, yeah, that’s fine. Where we goin’ and who are we recruiting, Coulson?”

Phil seemed a bit nervous as he spared a glance to Nat, who nodded her head, “Tony Stark, Iron Man.”

You sucked in a breath, “Howard’s son? You want me to come along?”

Phil laid his own hand upon yours that rested in your lap, file forgotten about, “I do, and I hope you wouldn’t mind tagging along.”

Holding back your tears, you nodded, “yeah, yeah, I’ll come. When do we leave?”

“Once we land in D.C., we’ll take a quick trip to New York. Easy car ride.”

You squinted your eyes, “isn’t that like, a 6-hour drive?”

Phil gave an uneasy smile, “not with me driving, we’ll be there in 2.”

You chuckled, “as long as I get there alive, I don’t really care how we get there.”

In all honesty, the drive to Stark Tower was relatively calm, save for swerving through traffic and going way too fast for your liking. Once you arrived, you and Phil talked to the impressive AI named JARVIS who told you both that he was informing Mr. Stark of your arrival.

“Impressive Artificial Intelligence,” you whispered to Phil, “definitely Howard's kid.”

Phil was about to respond until JARVIS spoke up, “Mr. Stark is not in, Agent Coulson.”

Your friend pursed his lips together, “please tell Tony that this is urgent and we need to speak. Now.”

Very quickly, Tony ignored your calls until Phil hacked into the system, overriding JARVIS and his protocols. Phil spoke into the phone, pulling you inside the elevator, “Mr. Stark, we need to talk.”

Tony sighed on the other line, “you have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message.”

Phil rolled his eyes, causing you to let out a snort, along with Pepper Potts on the other line, “this is urgent, Tony.”

You and Phil stood in the elevator, about to reach his floor as Tony responded, “then leave it urgently.” Right on cue, the elevator doors opened and Tony held up his glass of champagne, “security breach, it’s on you.”

Tony’s eyes glanced over your figure as you stood beside Phil, Pepper getting up from the floor to greet him, “Phil! Come in. I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met yet, Miss?”

You smiled at Pepper, meeting her halfway and shaking her hand, “Agent Y/N L/N, Miss Potts.”

Tony stood beside Pepper, “the infamous Miss America, Cap’s sidekick. How’s S.H.I.E.L.D. treating you? Always annoying you with something, barging in without your knowledge, telling you that you've been asleep for 70 years?”

Phil spoke for you, “I’m afraid we can’t stay. We need you to look this over as soon as possible.”

Tony shook his head, “I don’t like being handed things.”

You let out a chuckle as Pepper took the folder, “that’s fine, because I love to be handed things. So, let’s trade.” With a quick switch of hands, Pepper gave Tony the folder as she handed Phil the glass of champagne, “thank you. Anything for you, Y/N?”

You shook your head, “no thank you, Miss Potts.”

You took a moment to look Tony over. Peggy was not kidding – he looked exactly like Howard, and certainly acted like him, too. They had the same eyes, the same face, and the same attitude; it was almost like looking at a clone of Howard. Your eyes filled with unshed tears but you pushed them back, taking a small breath as Phil continued, “this is not a consultation.”

Pepper’s eyes grew wide, “is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.” She looked guilty once the words slipped.

Tony sighed as he walked away, opening up the folder and looking through it quickly, “the Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought – and I didn’t even qualify.”

Pepper shrugged, “I didn’t know that, either.”

Tony continued, “apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, don’t play well with others.”

You mumbled, “kind of like Howard.” Tony pointed his finger towards you as he nodded, “and she speaks of him!”

Pepper nodded her head, “that I did know,” ignoring his comment towards you.

Phil shifted his weight, “this isn’t about personality profiles anymore.”

Tony grunted, “whatever. Ms. Potts, got a second?”

As the two were talking, screens were lit up of you, Steve, and others fighting, and you stumbled back with a slight gasp, still new to the whole holographic stuff of technology. Phil turned towards you, asking you if you were okay with a look, and you nodded. Pepper looked towards you both and back to Tony, whispering, “maybe while working on this, you can get to know her. Get to know your dad. I’ll take the jet to D.C. tonight. You have homework – a lot of homework.”

The two kissed before Pepper headed your way, “so, any chance you two are driving by LaGuardia?”

Phil nodded, “I can drop you.” Pepper smiled, “fantastic!”

The two began to walk towards the elevator as you looked on at Tony who held a holographic Tesseract in his hand. In that moment, your brain convinced yourself that was Howard, your Howie.

Tony turned towards you, “you joining them or you just gonna stare?”

You took a step back, a frown on your face as you mumbled an apology, meeting Pepper and Phil in the elevator. Pepper turned your way as the doors closed, “I’m sorry about him. When it comes to his dad and you, he gets a bit…”

You finished her sentence, “jealous. He missed out on a lot and I can imagine Howard spent too much time talking about me or Steve instead of him. I understand.”

Pepper gave a tight smile.

In a few short hours, you, Phil, Steve, and a few other S.H.I.E.L.D agents were on your way to the helicarrier, something that only a few of you knew about. You sat next to Steve, looking over Dr. Bruce Banner’s files, examining videos of him as Hulk, and how he was trying to recreate the super soldier serum. You had known about Dr. Banner and honestly, had become one of his fans – when he was in his human form, of course. His works on nuclear physics and gamma radiation greatly interested you and upon reading many of his published articles, you had completely forgotten about his condition. Having the opportunity to meet him in person was certainly one of your dreams and you just knew Bucky was making fun of you for being such a dork.

Phil stood up from his seat, walking towards you and Steve, leaning above you both. Steve looked to Phil, “this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum they used on me?”

Phil nodded, “after Howard Stark’s death in 1991, Dr. Banner made it his mission to replicate it. A lot of people were. You – you both – were the world’s first superheroes. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s original formula.”

Steve looked uneasy, “didn’t really go his way, did it?”

Phil shifted his weight as he looked towards you, then to Steve, “not so much. When he’s not that thing, though,” you interrupted him with a glare, “sorry, the Hulk, the guy’s like a Stephen Hawking.”

Steve looked to you, confusion written on his face. You shrugged, “a really smart person.”

Silence enveloped the three of you until you nodded to Phil, urging him to continue. Phil seemed all giddy, “I gotta say, it’s an honor to meet you officially. I’ve sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping.”

You snorted as Steve nervously smiled at Phil, covering your face as he continued, “I mean, I was present while you were unconscious from the ice.” Steve stood up as you continued laughing, making his way to the front of the jet, “you know, it’s just a huge honor to have you on board this.”

You followed Phil, clapping him on the back as Steve overlooked the ocean, “thank you for that, Phil, truly.”

Steve elbowed you as he mumbled, “I hope we’re the people for the job.”

Phil’s eyes lit up, “oh, you are – you both are, absolutely! We, uh, made some modifications to your suits, by the way.”

You glanced towards Phil – now this was what you missed.

-

honeybee taglist:

@clownerlyluv

@ginger-swag-rapunzel

@starkleila

@intothesoul

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter eight

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing

word count: 1.6k 

a/n: ahhh this is the last part and I’m kinda sad but at the same time I don’t want to drag it out, I also have a new idea for a dorian x reader so it’s a good thing to finsih one but am still sad. I hope you enjoy I made it extra fluffy (also had a cheeky wee hint back to the first part)

--------------------------------------------

You were sat in front of a large mirror, taking in your appearance as you listened to the noise downstairs, the hustle and sounds of people speaking as they rushed about in preparation a sharp contrast to the silence of your and Azriel’s shared room. The girl looking back at you in the mirror was beautiful. Her hair was pinned up, revealing a long neck adorned with a simple necklace your lover had gifted you. Your skin was clear as well, any blemishes you had, any scarring from acne you had picked at, was gone, replaced by dewy, glowing skin. In fact everything about you seemed to glow, your hair was shinier, your skin had a new ethereal sense about it, and you looked more like your mother than you ever had before.

You heard a clatter of plates downstairs and bit your lip with a slight smile, running your hands over you dress. It was baby pink, as you had commented that white may be a little on the nose, with a deep V-neck and white and pink flowers trailing down the heavy skirt, you had picked it out with the help of Feyre and Mor who had dragged you out shopping, giggling when you had stared in shock at the sheer number of dresses you only believed existed on Pinterest. You reached over the vanity and picked up the delicate gold dangling earrings that you had ‘bought’ (Azriel had technically bought them but you certainly paid him back) and put them on, gazing wistfully at your now pointed ears.

So much had changed so quickly. Azriel’s family were extremely welcoming, instantly treating you like they had known you forever. You became incredibly close with Cassian and Nesta, much to Azriel’s amusement, as you bonded over books with Nesta and a general love of Azriel with Cassian. Nesta was officially sold on you when she finished ‘Call Me by Your Name’ the day you gave it to her, the two of you discussing it all night as you made promises to find a way to show her the movie. Rhysand and Mor treated you like a sister, the three of you soon teasing each other, Amren genuinely laughing when you let loose your more creative insults. The only one who seemed reserved at first was Elain, but soon the two of you were spending hours in the garden as you taught her about the different needs that different plants had and how to grow them most effectively.

Azriel had never been more in love. He already knew you were mates but now that it was official, and possible, he felt like he was on cloud nine. He was in love with how quickly you feel asleep in his arms. The way you lit up when talking about your passions, hands moving widely. He was in love with the way your eyes sparkled constantly now, only rarely being overcome with shadows, ones that he had learned to help dispel, you were laughing more and had even started showing your back again. When you went to the House of Wind to train with Cassian and Azriel one summer afternoon you had removed your top, leaving you in a simple sports bra, not missing the mix of pride and desire in Azriel’s eyes as you continued your exercises.

“Can I ask what happened?” Nesta had asked late that day, Feyre looking up from her book, Nyx cradled in one arm. You had explained, and after, when you expected to be pushed away, Feyre had simply passed Nyx to Nesta and wrapped her arms around you, holding you for a long while, even when the Illyrians entered the room. When she pulled away you noticed the tears in her eyes and offered her a small smile, as she whispered to you.

“You’re with your family now, nothing like that will ever happen again.” And then you were crying too.

Now you were sat in your low-back dress with your hair up, scars on display for anyone to see. You had been woken at nine am by an excited chorus of fae women and all but shoved into a bath, your hair washed, and skin scrubbed until you felt new-born. You had been brought a strong, dark coffee and some honeyed toast as you sat soaking in the bath, your friends moving about outside tidying your room and fishing out everything you needed, before you were pulled from the bath and forced to dry. When you had walked back into the room, you found Mor wiggling her eyebrows as she passed you a bag which, on further inspection, you found contained an intricate set of baby blue lingerie making you laugh loudly as you thumbed the material. They had then crowded you, Nesta drying and styling your hair as Feyre did your face, treating it alike one of her beautiful paintings, Elain painting and filing your nails as Amren and Mor sat sipping on champagne, both donned in beautiful, dark silk dresses, as they discussed the day ahead. You felt alike a princess when they were done and had commented as much, gaining you a glass of champagne and a comment on how you looked like one too. However they soon left, claiming there was much to sort out downstairs and that they had no faith in the boys to get it sorted.

Now you were sat alone, your gaze had moved to outside your window where light snow had started falling. You stood and moved the open window, perching on the ledge, smiling when a robin landed next to you, flying to rest in your palm, it’s ruby coloured breast not making you flinch. You still had nightmares as you were still part god and probably always would have the dreams you had grown used to; however you were making progress.

“If you’re planning on running away that ledge is too high,” You smiled as you heard his voice, turning to see your beautiful mate smiling at you.

“Maybe Cassian can come and fly me out,” you challenged,

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned and you giggled, standing to wrap yourself in his arms,

“In my world it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the service,” you whispered into his chest,

“This technically isn’t a wedding,”

“That’s a fair point,” you muttered, and he smiled down at you,

“It would be a shame to deprive me of this sight, you look beautiful princess,” he spun you out of his arms and you giggled, making his heart swell with love.

“It would, wouldn’t it?”

“C’mon, we should go soon, Cassian’s already crying,” you laughed and grabbed his hand as he pulled you along and down the stairs. You gasped when you reached the bottom, there were flowers everywhere, the whole room transformed into a fairy wonderland that made you feel giddy. You smiled when you saw that Cassian was in fact, already tearing up as he stood to greet you, complementing you and thanking you for making his brother so happy, you had laughed and shoved him away in your emotional state, not wanting to cry so early, as you moved to the sink in the room that was spraying a fine mist of water, creating a rainbow.

“Oh Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow, show me Nico Di Angelo, Camp half blood.” You threw in a golden drachma, the image wavered before revealing your friends and family on the other side, waving, and sending greetings. The inner circle came over and you all conversed for a while before Azriel was rather impatiently tugging on your hand and you moved onto the ceremony, with just your found families present. Having been raised mortal you insisted on exchanging rings, and Azriel was completely happy to oblige, obsessed with the feeling of pushing the ring onto your finger and kissing you, having someone that was wholly his, and who he was completely devoted to.

The rest of the day was spent curled under Azriel’s arm, sipping cocktails, and laughing as you were told all the most embarrassing things the inner circle could dig up. You ate delicious food and laughed with your friends, you heart aching at how naturally this happiness came to you now as you gazed at the man you loved.

You stood outside, breathing in the fresh air, and enjoying the slight chill that came through the thin shawl you had wrapped around you shoulders. Soon you felt a familiar hand press into your hip, pulling you into his side tightly. You looked up at him, still in wonder of how you landed such a beautiful man.

He caught your gaze, brushing a snowflake of your cheek and grabbing your hand, pressing a light kiss into the palm. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, gaze so full of love that tears welled up in your eyes.

“I’m just so glad you got stabbed,” you muttered, and he laughed before you continued, “I’m serious, I don’t know where I’d be if we hadn’t met, but you are everything to me and I’m so glad we pushed through, I’m so glad we fought to be together.”

“I love you.” He whispered into your hair as he pulled you in tightly, his scarred hands moving over your scarred back as you sighed, content.

“I love you.” You replied, pulling away and watching as a red admiral butterfly landed on a nearby poppy.

[bnhayyy]

Growing Pains

Wordcount: 7.2k

Series Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Notes: Thank you to @celadongirl​ for the beta! This fic is the third in a series wherein Reiner is Marleyan on Karina’s side, but enough context is provided within that it could probably be read on its own with only a wee bit of confusion. If you enjoy it, please consider following me on twitter at Museflight or buying me a ko-fi!

Summary: Gabi Braun doesn't have a drop of Eldian blood in her. But her cousin does, and for that, the entire family is condemned. 

Or; Gabi is made to live in Liberio after Reiner's heritage is discovered. She tries to avoid the Eldians, only to find that she is not immune to loneliness and Falco Grice is nothing if not persistent. 

He was visiting; the devil that was her cousin. Gabi was careful not to look at him. She wasn't supposed to talk to the devils. Her parents had said that this one was an exception, but she didn't want to take that risk. 

Too bad the devil didn't seem to get the hint. Of course not. He was a devil. 

He cleared his throat. His voice was still dangerously like the one she remembered, the one that had belonged to a good person, back when everything was alright. "Gabi-" 

Gabi snapped her head up to give him her angriest glare - so angry she could feel it burning. "Don't talk to me, devil!" she yelled. 

The devil faltered, and Gabi quickly turned and ran away. By shouting at him, she had messed up and looked at him. And what she saw was absolutely horrible, worse than if she looked up and saw the tallest of titans sitting at her table. 

He still looked like Reiner. But he couldn't be, not anymore. The Reiner she remembered couldn't turn into a monster. The Reiner she remembered wouldn't have let his family get thrown in with the eldians.

But they had been- because of him- because he was-

Gabi raced into her room and collapsed on her bed in a sobbing heap. 

Her parents had told her that the thing that looked like Reiner was going to be sent to the devil island soon. Good. She didn't want him around to make things worse. She didn't want him to stick around and confuse her by acting like her Reiner. 

She wasn't supposed to talk to devils. 

*

It felt like Gabi had been stuck inside ever since they had been moved in with the Eldians. She knew that that wasn't technically true, but it might as well be. Her parents didn't take her out often, and when they did, she had to stay right by their side. She wasn't allowed to play outside without them there to watch her. When they were there to watch, they didn't let her go beyond the tiny yard surrounding their tiny house.

And of course, there was no one for her to play with.

She understood why. The only people around them were Eldian devils. They weren't safe for her to be around. It wasn't safe for her to talk to them, for more reasons than just their evilness.

Gabi knew that they weren't supposed to let the Eldians know that they weren't like them. She didn't really understand why, but she knew that it was their most important rule. She also knew that her parents were worried that she might break the rule if one of them spoke to her. It wasn't true; Gabi was smarter than that. While she didn't want to talk to the eldians, she didn't like that her parents didn't trust her. So she pushed and prodded and begged for more freedom so that she could have the chance to prove it to them.

And because she wanted to play outside.

It took a long time and a lot of swearing up and down that they could trust her, and eventually they started letting her go outside alone again. By the time she was six and a half, she was allowed to leave the yard, just as long as she stayed close enough to see the house.

That was how she met him.

*

Gabi was skipping. She wasn't skipping for any good reason. She just felt like it. It was a nice day, the sun was shining down, she could hear birds in the distance, beyond the bleary old buildings, and it was fun to skip. So she did.

She went further than she should have.

The sight of two devil boys down the street made her glance back at her house, to remind herself that she could be back and safe in a moment if she needed to be. Except the house wasn't there. She couldn't see it. Her eyes widened, a burst of fear exploded in her chest, and she stumbled.

Gabi let out an involuntary yelp as she fell. She caught herself, but it caused a burst of pain in her hands as they tore against the rough pavement, accompanied by an ache in one of her knees. A whimper escaped her throat, and she bit down on her lower lip to stop any more sound from escaping as she fought back tears.

"Hey!" someone called.

Gabi tensed up. Despite the pain, she forced herself to sit up on her knees so that she could see who was talking to her.

It was one of the boys - the smaller one. He was running toward her with what looked like worry on his face. She knew that it couldn't be. A devil wouldn't be worried about some girl he'd never met. He must have been too stupid to realize that though, because he ran right up to her and asked, "are you okay?"

She stared at him. The boy shuffled, uncomfortable, then held out a hand.

Gabi scooted back, eyes wide. The devil boy wanted to touch her.

"It's okay!" the boy said, even though it very much wasn't. "My name's Falco. Maybe we can be-"

No. No more of that.

"Don't talk to me!" Gabi shouted, jumping to her feet and running back the way she came.

*

It didn't take her long to find the house.

When her parents asked how she'd skinned her hands and knee, she told them that she'd tripped and fell. She didn't tell them that she'd gone too far or about the boy she'd met.

*

Her mother had to go to the market. 

Gabi knew that it might be dangerous, since it would be swarming with Eldians, but the change in scenery called to her in a way that she couldn’t ignore. Besides, just because it was dangerous didn't mean she was scared. She begged her mother to be allowed to go with her, and her mother reluctantly agreed. 

In the aftermath, she couldn't tell if going had been a mistake or not. It was definitely nice to get out of the house. She had to stick by her mother's side the entire time, but it was still more than she had gotten lately. 

But she also saw that boy again. ( Falco.)

He looked like he'd been running an errand with his brother when he spotted her. He waved cheerfully, and Gabi glared back, which had made him hesitate and take a step back. 

Falco didn't actually say anything or approach her or her mother. But when they got back home, Gabi found herself wondering how much this boy would bother her. 

She had a feeling that this wouldn't be the end of it. 

*

Gabi was almost seven when her parents finally decided that she could explore a little further by herself.

It was fun.

(It would be more fun if she wasn't alone.)

Sometimes it was fun. It was fun if she found something interesting to explore. Despite being in the devil's land, finding something interesting was actually pretty hard sometimes, seeing as she still wasn't supposed to wander too far from home. She got used to her expanded territory in just a few days. Still, she managed to come up with something to do most of the time. Even when it wasn't fun , it killed time. And when she couldn't come up with anything at all...

It was probably the best she could expect from this place. She didn't belong there and it didn't want her. That didn't matter though, because her parents said that they weren't going to be there forever.

She just hoped that they got out soon. Before things could start to get too boring.

*

Gabi was standing on a big, old, weathered rock next to a creaky, old, abandoned house that she’d already explored four times before when she heard footsteps. She paused, and looked down to see that it was that boy (Falco) again.

"Hi," he said. He sounded a little more shy than before, a little more slow. Maybe he would stop trying to talk to her if she pushed him away again.

(Then no one would talk to her at all.)

Gabi wasn't supposed to talk to the Eldians anyway, and this boy was an Eldian. Even if he was all small and non-threatening looking.

(But could he really do anything if she just said 'hi'?)

Always doing what she was supposed to was boring though, and she was already getting so bored.

"Hi," she said, making sure to frown down at the boy.

Her frown didn't matter. He perked up immediately, like a dog that had been thrown a bone. "Hi!" he chirped. "I was wondering, do you want to-"

"No." 

She'd already said 'hi' when she wasn't supposed to. That was enough. Gabi frowned at the boy again, harder this time, jumped off her stone, and started walking home.

(She definitely didn't wonder what he was going to ask her.)

*

A welcome surprise appeared during another visit to the market.

There was a Marleyan soldier wandering around.

Someone Gabi could talk to!

She was going to wait for her mother at first. But she was taking so long to haggle with the fruit vendor, and as the conversation drew on, Gabi's impatience grew. When she tugged at her mother's shirt sleeve, she was dismissed with a wave, which made a scowl sprout across her face. She didn't know why the soldier was there or how long he would be around. It wasn't fair for her to lose her opportunity to talk to him just because her mother was taking forever with the fruit guy.

Gabi cast a thoughtful glance around the area before allowing her gaze to drift back to the soldier. Her parents didn't like her going over to anyone without them around, but that was with the Eldians. This was a Marleyan soldier. That had to mean that it was okay!

Quietly but quickly, Gabi stepped away from her mother and started walking toward the soldier. She'd be back before she even realized she was gone.

"Hey," Gabi called once she was close enough for the soldier to hear her. "What's your-"

The soldier drew his rifle and pointed it at her. "Get back, devil!" he barked.

Gabi stepped back, heart beating far faster than it should be. It didn't make sense. He was a soldier of Marley. She should be safe around him. Sure, she couldn't tell him that she wasn't Eldian, but she wasn't . He should have been able to tell that she was different because of that. So why was he pointing his gun at her and looking at her like she was some sort of thing?

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and tried to speak out over the sudden clamor erupting around her. "I'm not-"

"Do not speak unless ordered!"

Gabi opened and closed her mouth. How was she supposed to tell the soldier that she wasn't doing anything bad if she couldn't speak?

"Gabi!" her mother shouted. She raced forward and shoved Gabi behind her, looking up at the soldier with wide, wild eyes.

Her mother looked scared.

As her mother drowned the soldier in apologies before quickly shuffling Gabi away, groceries forgotten, she felt tears prickle in her eyes. They should have been because of how stupid and irritating and unfair that whole thing was. But deep down, she knew the truth.

The tears were there because it had been scary.

*

It was weeks before she was allowed to wander alone again.

She couldn't speak with the Eldians, because they were Eldian, but apparently, she wasn't supposed to speak to Marleyans either. Because it wasn't safe. Because they couldn't know that she wasn't Eldian. Even though she wasn't.

When she asked why, they started saying something, but cut themselves off and said they'd explain when she was older.

When she asked when they would be let back into Marley, they gave some excuse about his mission, but didn't give her an actual answer.

When she asked if she was supposed to spend the rest of her life without talking to anyone, they didn't say anything at all.

*

"I haven't seen you in a while," the boy said.

Gabi was at the abandoned house with the big rock again. She wasn't standing on it or exploring anything this time. Instead, she was sitting on the edge with her feet dangling off the side, watching them as they swung back and forth.

She felt empty. Or at least, she felt empty until the boy came up to her. Then she felt...

She felt like doing something that she wasn't supposed to.

The boy took a step back and started stammering when Gabi looked up at him. He waved a hand around, like he was trying to say that he was innocent of some mystery crime. Like anyone would care if he was. "I can leave if you wa-"

"What's your name?" Gabi asked, even though she already knew what his name was. Better to let him think she'd forgotten than let him know she'd remembered.

The boy - Falco - brightened up immediately. Like a puppy. Or a happy bird hopping around with a stick it had found. He looked more like the puppy, but something about him felt like a bird. "I'm Falco!" he said.

Gabi nodded. "My name is Gabi," she said.

*

Falco wasn’t bad, for an Eldian.

Part of her kept expecting him to prove her wrong after she started letting him spend time with her. But he didn’t. He just kept being better than she expected.

And a lot better than being alone.

*

It happened only a few houses away from Gabi's, because some people just had too much audacity.

She knew Falco would be waiting for her when she set out for the day. Despite being friendly, he didn't really have any friends aside from the other kids in that weird program he was in, and he seemed to spend more time with Gabi than any of them. And Gabi... she wasn't going to risk spending time with any other Eldians. Falco was enough for her.

They had a pattern. There were a lot of variations to it, but they had a pattern. Falco was busy with his training in the morning, so she wouldn't bother leaving the house until the afternoon most of the time. When he was able to hang out earlier, he usually told her the night before so she could plan accordingly. Sometimes he would have to leave for more training after that. Sometimes they would meet up again in the night, when he wasn't too tired and her parents let her go without asking too many questions. Sometimes, on big training days, he would be away for most of the day and they'd only get to see each other for a little while at night. Those days were boring. She would go to the abandoned house and wander around for a little while, trying to stay entertained, but always seemed to end up sitting on the big rock and waiting for him to show up. It sucked, but the stupid puppy face Falco made when he saw her kept her waiting.

The point was, Gabi knew what to expect. She liked knowing what to expect when it came to Falco. Maybe she would accept a nice surprise, but that was all.

Showing up at their meeting spot to find two larger boys cornering Falco wasn't a nice surprise. Their body language was tense and aggressive, and Falco was all but cowering against the wall.

Gabi stared, brows furrowing when one of the larger boys said something loud and Falco tried to shuffle away. It didn't make sense. Falco had said that he was in that titan-wannabe program and learning how to fight. So why was he just standing there and letting them push him around?

One of the boys moved to punch him, and as a wave of white-hot anger washed over her, Gabi decided that the reasons didn't matter. She wouldn't call Falco her friend, but she wasn't going to stand around and let people treat him like that. 

(He was hers.)

Gabi rushed forward and jumped on the closest boy's back, wrapping one arm around his neck and smacking the top of his head with the other one. "You leave him alone!" she ordered, tightening her grasp when the boy began to flail and shout.

"Gabi!" Falco cried.

"Hey!" the second boy cried in the same instant. He moved to rush toward Gabi, which finally spurred Falco into action. He rushed forward and kicked the boy right between the legs, causing him to crumple in on himself like a dead spider.

Gabi started to laugh, only to be cut off when the boy she was still clinging to grabbed the arm wrapped around his neck and tried to flip her off him. She let out a tiny scream, tightened the arm around his neck to avoid being flung off, and fisted her free hand into the boy's hair. Once she was secure, wrenched that arm around his neck out of his grasp and plunged that hand into his hair too.

"Be careful!" Falco cried. He was stepping anxiously around them now, his eyes flicking between the boy Gabi was clinging to and the one still on the ground.

"Crazy bitch," the boy she was clinging to spat. His voice sounded garbled, like he was in pain. Good. "I was just-"

"I don't care!" Gabi shrieked. "Go away!" She briefly let go of his hair with one of her hands in order to bonk him again for good measure.

"I will!" the boy cried. "Just get off!"

Scowling, Gabi let go of the boy and let herself drop to the ground. Her victim skittered over to his fallen friend while Falco raced over to her. "Are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Gabi looked at Falco and scowled. There was a bruise welling up underneath his eye, and when she looked down, she noticed scratches covering his knees and the palm of his exposed hand. "Why are you asking that?" she demanded. "You're the one who's all beaten up!"

She turned to shoot a glare at the pair of scumbags. Now that she was closer and not on the one boy's back, she could see that they really were significantly bigger than her and Falco. Just not big enough to stand a chance against her. They weren't actual titans, after all. They weren't soldiers, either. They didn't have guns or any real means to beat her down. She wasn't going to let herself be scared by them, and if they tried anything, she could probably even take both of them at once.

---Falco was in a pretty sad state though, and the boys were shooting him as many glares as her as they tried to pull themselves together.

Gabi swallowed down a knot in her throat. She’d been able to pounce on one of the boys before, but now she’d lost the element of surprise. Could she take them on without it? Probably , but with Falco all scared and beaten up…

No. There was no time to think or plan or worry. She had to act now.

"Come on," Gabi said before grabbing Falco's wrist and starting off at a run.

"Where are we going?" Falco asked. He didn't try to pull away. In fact, he kept up with her easily. Good. This would be easier if she didn't need to drag him all the way home.

"My house. We're gonna get you patched up."

"Oh. You don't need to-"

"Shut up, Falco."

He shut up.

Upon reaching her house, Gabi shoved the front door open and dragged Falco into the kitchen. Her mother was standing by the sink washing dishes, but looked up in surprise at the sudden sound. "Gabi," she greeted. Her gaze traveled down her arm, over to Falco, where a hint of wariness entered her expression. "Who's this?" she asked.

"Falco," Gabi said. "He's hurt."

"I can see that," her mother slowly said.

Her eyes flickered over to meet Gabi's. Gabi stood firm. Finally, her mother sighed.

"Let's get him taken care of, then."

*

Her mother patched Falco up and sent him on his way. Gabi knew that she wouldn't be allowed to go back out for the rest of the day after that, so she just told him that she'd see him tomorrow. And for hours, that was that.

Until dinner rolled around and, with everyone gathered around the table, her mother mentioned the boy Gabi brought over.

"You aren't supposed to be making friends with Eldians," her aunt said, disapproving.

Her mother snorted. "You're one to talk," she muttered.

"Gabi, how long have you been hanging out with this boy?" her father asked, worry clear in his voice.

Gabi shrugged. "A while." A few months. It had been a few months since she'd told him her name and started meeting up with him. Her parents wouldn't be happy with her if she said that though.

Her father's frown deepened. "Gabi-"

"I was bored!" Gabi exclaimed. "I'm not supposed to talk to anyone, and it's boring and-" lonely. "- it sucks."

"I can understand that," her mother said, voice slow and careful. "But you know there's a reason you aren't supposed to talk to Eldians, right?"

"I know," Gabi said. "But Falco's..." she paused, struggling to find the words. After a moment, she turned to look at her aunt. "Aunt Karina, you said that some Eldians are different from the others. Better." That was what she'd tried to say about him anyway. Gabi didn't trust that her aunt had been right at all when she said that, didn't see how he had made anything but bad things happen, but Falco... "Falco's like that. He's special."

Maybe he was her friend after all.

No one said anything for a long time. Finally, her aunt said, "be that as it may, you're better off not getting attached. We'll be getting out of here when Reiner gets back."

Gabi's parents glanced at each other and exchanged some wordless message. She looked at them and frowned, but quickly turned her attention back to her aunt. "That could take ages though!" she protested. "You can't tell me that I'm supposed to be alone until then! Falco's a good Eldian - you should let me play with him."

The room went quiet again. Her mother eventually sighed and, with reluctance plain in her voice, said, "alright. You can continue to see this boy. Just... be careful, and don't let yourself get too attached. You are still Marleyan, Gabi. This can't last forever."

*

"You should meet the other warrior candidates sometime," Falco suggested.

Gabi wrinkled her nose. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I think you'd all get along?"

He was doing that thing again, the one where he tried to sound confident but ended up sounding more like he was asking a question than anything. It made Gabi raise an eyebrow at him. That, in turn, made him falter.

"And also... I think you could use more friends," he hesitantly admitted.

Gabi frowned. Why on earth would he say something like that?

(Was he getting sick of her?)

"I don't need more friends," she said.

It was true. She had managed without any friends for years. Now she was almost eight years old and stronger than ever. She was perfectly fine with it staying just her and Falco.

(Was he okay with that?)

"Maybe not, but you deserve more," Falco argued.

Gabi relaxed imperceptibly.

"I don't want to make friends with just anybody," she said warily. The closest she could come to saying the truth.

"I know," Falco said, even though he really, really didn't. "But I think you'll really like them! I'm actually kinda..." He trailed off, then looked away.

Gabi leaned forward to get a closer look at the blush trailing up his cheeks. "You're kinda what?"

He hitched his shoulders up and ducked his head down.

"Falco!" Gabi pressed. "What were you going to say?"

"I'm kinda surprised that you aren't in the warrior program," he squeaked out, still not looking up. "I think you'd be good at it."

"Oh." Gabi looked down at her feet and tapped her fingers against the bench they were sitting on. She definitely couldn't tell him the truth about that one. What could she tell him though? What would he believe? What could she say that didn't run the risk of him finding out that she was lying later?

(Would she be in the warrior program if she was an Eldian? They seemed to think it was a big honor to be chosen to turn into a monster.)

"I'm not in the warrior program because... there's no need," Gabi slowly said.

Falco perked up. The blush was gone. Now he just looked at her with curiosity glimmering in her eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Gabi struggled to hold his gaze and force her next words out, but somehow, she managed. "My cousin's the Armored Titan." A devil, even though she knew Falco wouldn't see it like that.

And he didn't.

Falco gasped. "He is! Why didn't you tell me!? Gabi, that's... hey." The curiosity shifted into worry as he reached out to touch her arm. "Is... is something wrong?"

Gabi blinked, which caused her to realize just how much her eyes stung. Oh. Oh no.

"I'm fine," she said, reaching an arm up to scrub at her eyes. "I just don't see what's so great about turning into a monster."

"The shifters aren't monsters," Falco said, a flicker of hurt flashing across his face.

Right . Falco was a warrior candidate. All of his training was in the hopes that one day he'd be chosen to turn into a monster. Just like her cousin. If he was chosen...

No, surely it wouldn't be the same. Falco was a good thing in her life. A good person. Her cousin had caused her family a whole lot of harm, and no matter what her aunt said, it didn't look like whatever he was doing on that island was doing anything to make it better. He and Falco weren't, wouldn't, and couldn't be the same.

Gabi wanted to tell Falco that it was okay, that he was an exception, but she couldn't risk him asking why. The best she could do was let the fire drain out of her voice as she said, "they turn into titans. Isn't that upsetting to you?"

"A little," Falco confessed. "But the shifters are really brave."

"Because they protect Marley?"

"Kinda, but also... I think they do a lot for their families."

Gabi blinked. When she didn't say anything, Falco nodded and continued. "You know how titan shifters get to be honorary Marleyans, right? And their families get some benefits because of that."

Gabi nodded, even though her family hadn't received much in the way of extra benefits other than not being executed. Her aunt said that would change once her cousin returned from Paradis, but she wasn't sure how much she trusted that, seeing as he was the reason they were in this situation in the first place.

"Sometimes, it's also a second chance." Falco paused then, eyes clouding over with sadness. "My... My uncle did something bad, a long time ago. He was sent to paradise, and now me and Colt are in the warrior program to prove that the whole family isn't evil."

Gabi reached out to squeeze Falco's hand. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

(Not about his uncle, obviously, but anyone who spent a little time with Falco should be able to tell that he wasn't evil regardless of who he was related to.)

Falco gave her a small smile. "Thanks. I think we'll... I hope we'll do well. But for us and the others... it's a way to prove ourselves, take care of our family, and show Marley that we aren't evil . It's the closest that we'll come to them seeing us as people. Turning into a titan doesn't feel like it matters much, compared to that."

Gabi didn't know what to say to that. Luckily, she didn't need to, because Falco kept on talking. "Udo and Zofia - the candidates I spend the most time with - are almost as hard-working as you. I think you'd get along."

The pair were silent for a moment. Then, finally, Gabi sighed. "Alright. You can introduce me to them."

They couldn't be her friends, not like Falco, but... maybe they would be decent company.

*

Udo and Zofia were alright. They weren't Falco, but… they were alright. 

*

A few months after she turned eight years old, Gabi woke up to the sound of shouting.

It cut off almost immediately after, but the damage was already done by then. How could she roll over and go back to bed when she knew that something was happening?

She crept out of bed as quietly as her feet could carry her. Once she was outside her room, she could hear her family's voices again. They were too quiet for her to make out what they were saying, but loud enough for her to follow the sound. It led her to the kitchen. There, she pressed herself up against the wall just outside the entryway and strained to listen.

"You're delusional, Karina!" her mother spat.

Her father sounded worried as he began, "Lyra-"

Her aunt cut him off. "I am not! When Reiner gets back-"

"- If gets back-"

"- Don't you dare-"

"- If he gets back, then he might be forgiven for existing. Do you really think that'll do anything to help our situation?"

Her aunt sniffed. "If Reiner does well-"

"Karina, that's a lot of 'if's," her father said, voice low.

"Well, excuse me for having faith in my son, George."

"You can have your faith," her mother cut in, voice cold. "It doesn't matter. Even if he does everything perfectly, the best we can hope for is to be treated like the families of the other Eldian warrior families."

For a moment, silence descended over the household, and all Gabi could hear was her own heart beating. It was broken by her aunt's voice, lower and more subdued, saying, "well, if he gets honorary Marleyan status, they might-"

Her mother laughed, harsh and unhappy. "Let us all back into Marley? You've been in this place for too long, Karina. Even if they let us out, it won't be until Reiner's-"

"Don't. Say it."

"...There's nothing Reiner can do to help us," her mother said after a long moment. "And I'm not saying it's his fault. I'm saying that it would be nice if you would take a little responsibility."

"Responsibility for what?"

"Are you kidding-"

"I've already been punished, haven't I? Me and Reiner. I know honorary Marleyan status isn't that great, but we are more than that. I know that this place is awful. But we will get out eventually. The deal was that our status as Marleyan citizens will be restored if we perform well. What are you worried about?"

"I'm worried about Gabi."

Gabi felt a lump lodge itself in her throat. She took in a deep breath and held it, since she wasn't sure if she'd be able to stay quiet otherwise.

"What about Gabi?" Her aunt asked. "She's been adjusting well."

"Yes, because she was thrown in here when she was three," her mother argued. "By the time Reiner dies, the Eldian Internment Zone will be all she's ever known. What if they aren't willing to take her back?"

It became hard to hear after that. Her family was still talking just as loudly as before, but the pounding of her heart and buzzing in her head made it hard for her to think.

Marley might not want her back? Just because she had grown up in Liberio? Where they had made her grow up? Why? What were they afraid she would do? It was ridiculous and weird and... unfair.

(They treated Falco unfairly, making him and his brother join the warrior program because of their uncle.)

Gabi raced back to her room and crawled into bed. She laid there, eyes squeezed shut, pretending that she was asleep. Between the racket in her head and heart, it felt like someone should have heard her. Like someone would come in and check on her in a moment. But no one did.

After a few moments, she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.

Then she started to plan.

*

The facts were simple.

Gabi's family wanted to get out of Liberio. Aunt Karina thought that Reiner would get them out. Her mother didn't think that there was anything he could do to help, which made sense. Reiner was the reason they were in this situation in the first place. How could he possibly make anything better?

Her mother was also worried that Marley wouldn't take Gabi back because she had grown up in Liberio. It made sense when she stopped to think about it. How were Marley's important people supposed to know that Gabi was only hanging out with good Eldians like Falco and Udo and Zofia? They might have been worried that the bad Eldians had rubbed off on her. It wasn't fair, since they were the ones who made her grow up in Liberio in the first place, but...

Marley wasn't always fair. That was why Falco was in the warrior program because of something his uncle had done. He was a good Eldian, but he had to work himself to the bone to prove it. Because sometimes Marley struggled to see things that should have been obvious and pick the good Eldians out from all the bad. That was probably going to be the situation with her. She would need to make them see that it was still good.

Sometimes the warrior program served as a second chance. It was an opportunity to prove that you were good despite who you were related to - or grew up around.

Gabi didn't have a drop of Eldian blood in her. She wouldn't be accepted as a warrior candidate because she couldn't inherit a titan in the first place. However, there were also non-shifters who worked with the Eldian unit. Most of them were the Marleyans who kept them in line, but she'd heard that there were a few exceptions, lower-ranked soldiers who'd proven themselves exceptional. If she could become one of them, if she could make herself useful to Marley and prove herself in their eyes, show that she hadn't become too sympathetic toward the Eldians and only surrounded herself with the very best of them...

Reiner was working for Marley because he had no other choice. But not her. Surely that would mean something.

She would help her family where Reiner couldn't. She would become one of their very best warriors, and when the time came, her family would be allowed back into Marley. And Gabi would go with them.

(She would miss Falco.)

*

"What if I joined the military?" Gabi asked.

Falco choked on his own spit and almost fell off the rock. She grabbed onto his shoulder to steady him, even though they were tall enough now that it wouldn't be much of a drop even if he did fall.

"W-why would you do that?" he asked. "I thought- your cousin-"

"Have you considered that maybe I also want to be useful?" Gabi challenged, letting go of his arm and leaning forward.

Falco leaned back. "There are plenty of other ways to be useful. The military's - it's really dangerous."

Gabi crossed her arms and let out a huff. "I'm fine with dangerous. Besides, that's not all there is to it. The family can't depend entirely on Reiner, and I want to help."

"Are you sure?" Falco asked. "I mean, if there's anything you need, I c-" He looked away, cheeks slowly starting to dust pink. "There are other ways," he said.

"Yeah, but none of them would be as effective." Nothing else would get her in around the warrior program, which was what she needed to happen.

"I see." Falco bit his lower lip. "I mean, it would be nice to see you more often, I guess. If you'll be around the warriors."

"Of course," Gabi said, allowing a hint of haughtiness to slip into her voice. "I have a plan." It was a risky plan, but she was sure it would pay off.

"Are you- Are you trying to get in to the program?" he asked, a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice. Probably worried that she would outscore him if she got in. She probably would, too, if it wasn't impossible.

"No," Gabi said. "It's probably too late for me to get in. But I can do the next best thing and work with you."

Falco nodded. He didn't look entirely convinced, but that wasn't her problem. She knew that she wouldn't actually pose a threat to his standing. He had no reason to worry, and in time, hopefully he would see that.

It did make her want to change the subject though.

"Speaking of, Colt's doing well, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Falco said, perking up a little. "It looks like there's a real chance he'll be chosen as the beast titan's successor."

"That's great!" Gabi said. "Are you going to drop out if he's chosen?"

Falco hesitated. When he spoke, it was with a new flicker of resolve in his eyes. "No," he said. "I don't think I will."

*

Gabi had met Commander Magath several times since she started hanging out with Udo and Zofia. He was a strict man who generally seemed to view Eldians the same as all Marleyans. However, he didn't take it long for her to start to suspect that he cared about the warrior candidates more than he let on. She was also pretty sure that he liked her, even if he did sometimes look at her like he was seeing a ghost.

So much of her plan hinged on the hope that she was right about him liking her. It could mean so much trouble if she was wrong. But if she was right...

The potential benefits of her being right outweighed the risk of her being wrong.

Her opportunity arose on a bright warm day. Gabi was walking around town with Falco, Udo, and Zofia when she spotted Magath walking down the street with Zeke Jaeger and a handful of other officials. She didn't know who most of them were or what they were doing there. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that most of them were Marleyan and one of them looked like he outranked Magath.

Gabi turned to her friends and grinned. "I'll be right back," she whispered, taking a step back.

Udo and Zofia exchanged a confused look but didn't question her. Falco, however, stepped forward, worry shining bright on his face. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Gabi's grin grew. "I told you. I'm going to get into the military."

She didn't wait so much as another second before turning around and racing toward the officials. As she did, she coaxed her expression into one of gleaming admiration, the sort that even the soldier from that day in the marketplace would have had trouble lashing out against.

"Excuse me!" she cried. "Commander Magath, Mister Jaeger!" Gabi saluted smartly - perfectly - as she skidded to a stop in front of them. Then, as she looked at the Marleyans, she made sure to look at them like they were heroes, perfect and above her in every way. The way every Marleyan wanted Eldians to look at them. "Are these your superiors?"

All of the men looked caught off-guard. Magath, though, he looked wary.

That wariness might have caused a problem if Zeke didn't beat him to responding. "They are," he said.

"That's so cool!" Gabi exclaimed. Her voice was perfectly sincere. She didn't even need to fake it, considering what she was saying. Even if her own circumstances kind of sucked, she could still appreciate the good that all of these men did. "Thank you for everything you do. My mother was telling me about the devil island the other day, and I'm really glad that Marley's here to protect everyone. I know Liberio's full of Eldians, but I'm glad we don't have those devils with us."

She could practically feel Magath's gaze boring into her at this point. As the chief overseer of the warrior unit, he knew about her family, which meant that he probably knew she was up to something. And because he knew about her family, there was too big a risk that he would turn her down if she approached him and asked to be thrown into the military. That was why he wasn't the one that mattered here though. Gabi kept her gaze on the other Marleyans, noting the bemused expressions. One of them, the one who outranked Magath, gave a tiny nod.

It was working.

"I was actually thinking," Gabi continued, training a hint of humility and hope into her voice. "I want to help the warrior unit!"

In the corner of her eyes, she noticed Magath's expression shift into one of shock. There was something else under it though, something tired and guarded.

"You do, do you?" Zeke asked, amusement leaking into his voice.

"I do!" Gabi exclaimed. "I know I'm probably too old to become a warrior candidate, but there have to be other ways I can help, so let me prove myself to you! If you give me the chance, I'll train night and day to catch up!"

Magath frowned at that point. "Gabi..."

"Magath, you know this girl?" the commanding officer cut in.

"I do," Magath said. "She's the Armored Titan's cousin."

Zeke raised an eyebrow at that. The other Marleyans, however, looked thoughtful, but not suspicious or concerned. Good.

Gabi held her breath.

Finally, the higher ranking officer turned to Magath and said, "she should already be familiar with the program then, and we could always use another soldier."

"No point in turning down such an earnest offer to help," Zeke remarked, an odd twinkle in his eyes.

When Magath hesitated for a moment longer, the commanding officer pointed out, "I'm sure you can find some use for her."

Magath let out a deep breath. "Fine." As he turned to Gabi, eyes shadowed and grave, she was certain that he was seeing someone other than her. It didn't matter though, because he said, "come with Falco to training tomorrow."

Gabi took in a deep breath and smiled so widely that she thought it might pop off her face. "Thank you, Sir!"

Zeke chuckled. Magath, meanwhile, waved a hand and said, "you're dismissed."

Gabi saluted before sprinting back to her friends, and every step felt like she was walking on air.

She was going to save her family. They were going to get out of Liberio.

(Maybe, if they both did well, she could bring Falco with her.)

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

...a wee taste of  Stephen Strange angst...

...sprinkled with a bit of Hope😉

from the upcoming and final chapter of 14,000604

In the past couple of weeks, he had finally allowed himself to visit ‘their’ silver maple in Washington Square Park, several times each week. Seeing it restored had done his heart some good, and if seeking it out was a roundabout way of hoping to run into Hope, he refused to fault himself. He was only human, after all, and such a quiet hope was one of the few things he had left to indulge in.

Today, it seemed that Fate or Fortune or simply happy coincidence, had decided to smile at him for a change. As he stood beneath the bright green canopy of leaves—so reminiscent of the lovely spring afternoon on which they’d first met--a voice out of memory called to him.

“Stephen?”

For a moment, Stephen thought he had imagined it, as he often did when he closed his eyes and wished he could make it be real. It seemed to him that even the birdsong had faded away, for all that he could hear was the hammering of his own heart---and what his mind insisted could only be the echo of a memory. Hope speaking his name, as she had countless, ordinary tines during the weeks they had been dating. And during the heavenly yet bittersweet time he had stolen with her, which now lived in his memory alone. But she called to him again, this time not as a question, but with a certainty that begged him turn her way.

“Stephen Strange.”

His mouth went dry and he felt breathless as he turned to face her. The seconds played out at an exquisitely slow pace, as though he still had the Time Stone and had deemed it to be so. Giving Stephen the time to take in the truth of her, after all his countless imaginings.

The bright, midday sunlight made the blue of her eyes their most vivid, just as he remembered them. True windows to the kindest soul he had ever known. Her thick, auburn air was unbound and appeared a shade or two lighter and a little shorter than on the night he had left her behind in order to complete his mission. Hope’s pretty mouth had fallen open in her surprise, and he bit his own lip because he longed to taste it at once—for her flavor had become the one he’d come to crave beyond all others in the world.

Stephen could see, even at a distance, that Hope was breathing as shallowly as he was. He thought it likely she had lost some weight as well, enough so that the fine lines of her cheekbones were a bit more prominent, somehow turning her ever healthy beauty fragile in a way that tugged at his heart. Clearly, the five years that stood between them had not tarnished anything about Hope that made her lovely. Not in the least. But they had marked her in a bittersweet way that Stephen would be hard-pressed to describe—except to say that he felt both the sorrow she had endured in his absence (some of it surely on his account, as well as for lost family and friends), and the necessary resilience that she must’ve called upon to survive the new world. His heart ached for the pain which Hope had experienced, even as it rejoiced at the simple sight of the woman he loved—and needed now, like air to breathe. That she was here before him was a gift; that she was free to love him back—or even be inclined to do so—was yet to be determined.

Stephen took a deep breath, fearing that his voice might fail just from the shock that his wish had been granted. “Hope, honey…I…” What could he say? After so much wishing, he couldn’t remember the words he had practiced should this ever come to pass. “God, I’ve missed you, honey,” he blurted out gracelessly, then added a hasty, “It feels like forever since I’ve seen you…”

Hope smiled sadly, her eyes swimming with tears that would soon spill down her cheeks. “It has been forever, Stephen. And I’ve…I’ve missed you every single day of it.”

He spread his arms, nodding his understanding, “I’m so sorry, baby. I wish to god I could’ve found a way to make things right so much sooner, but…” The story that the world had been given was far simpler than the actual truth—but Stephen would not inflict that upon her now. Not when he knew that her heart was sure to bleed for what he had been through. “…the solution was incredibly complicated…”

“I know.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks and took a few steps closer, “I know the official story; I’ve watched it all explained in great detail. Analyzed. Rehashed ad nauseum. I’ve read the most off-the-wall speculations and the crazy conspiracy theories too.” She gave a little shrug, “And I followed your every interview, Stephen.” Hope sighed hard as she studied his face, as though learning it anew. “I just couldn’t help myself…I couldn’t pass up a single chance to see you. So…I’ve been coming here…” She flitted her eyes downward, as though embarrassed to admit a desperation which Stephen was all too familiar with. “I’ve come here more and more each week since everyone blipped back. Visiting our tree. Daring to hope that you might be, too.”...

[flyinghome-againstthewind]

the best by far is you: chapter 14

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Previous Chapter

For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you -  Cecilia and the satellite

————

Summary: An exploration of Claire & Jamie’s story if their firstborn had lived and they had the chance to be parents together of wee Faith Fraser before the Battle of Culloden.

Chapter 14

May 1746 

In the light of morning, Claire woke in a strange room, in a bed she’d never slept in before last night. And yet her hand still reached for the pillow next to her as her consciousness slowly surfaced. Of course he wasn’t there. They’d never shared this bed, but being back at Lallybroch meant that his presence haunted this place at every turn. It felt wrong that she was here in his family’s home and Jamie wasn’t.  

When she trekked downstairs in the mornings now, she half-expected to see him in the parlor with his arms full with the babies, or at the breakfast table in discussion with Ian and Murtagh.

And of course, any giggle or peep out of her young nieces had Claire’s gaze following the sound, knowing full well she wouldn’t find Faith at the source but still helpless to stop the impulse to check. 

Her logical mind knew they wouldn’t be here, but the places in her mind that were filled with Jamie and Faith could not reconcile this. So much of Lallybroch was painted with memories of them. 

Her one comfort in all of this was Fergus. 

Fergus, who stayed by her side and in his own way told her he would do as Jamie had asked of him many times before; he would look after Claire. 

And Fergus, who was only 11 and still reeling from the loss of Jamie, was in dire need of his own looking after. He was hers to take care of, to mother, to protect. 

So when Ian told him after breakfast one day to get ready for a trip to Broch Morda for supplies, Fergus was hesitant to leave. 

“You can go, Fergus. It’s alright.” 

“No, Milady. I will stay.”

“Fergus,” her tone softened. “I will still be here when you come back. I promise. I’m not going anywhere without you.” She could see his resolve weakening at that so she gave him a quick side-hug and released him with, “Go on then. Go with your uncle.” 

It didn’t strike her until they had left, what she had said. Ian had smiled at her, a little curiously, and left with Fergus, one hand on the boy’s shoulder. 

“Uncle, hmm?” had been how Jenny announced that she had noticed, too. 

She found Jenny’s gaze. “Well, he is, technically… isn’t he?” 

“Och, aye,” Jenny agreed easily. “We kenned before the war that he was yours, when ye and Jamie asked us to… to raise both him and Faith, should anything happen. Ye’ve jest never said it like that, calling Ian his uncle.” 

“There’s a lot that we should’ve said sooner with Fergus.” She swallowed roughly, fighting the urge to cry. The rest remained unspoken ‒ the fear that, with Jamie at least, they might’ve missed a chance to correct this. 

  The rhythm of life at Lallybroch didn’t cease with Claire’s return, though she found herself unsure of her place in it now. Lady Broch Turach no longer, she watched as Jenny ran the house. 

She had been eager to help still, but Jenny had insisted she rest for a few days after her recent journey and in light of her condition.  

Which is how Claire found herself trying to make herself less of a stranger to her small nieces and nephew.

Wee Jamie still held some small spark of recognition for his auntie, and his joy over her return warmed her to the backbone. Little Maggie was reticent and shy around Claire, needing some time and space to make up her mind about her. But fifteen-month-old Kitty, as the youngest of the household, had never known the luxury of having either of her parents’ undivided attention and had grown used to being passed from one set of arms to the next. As such, she’d never been a clingy child and in contrast to her older sister, Kitty warmed up to her Auntie Claire very fast.    

By mid-afternoon, she’d crawled into Claire’s lap and fallen asleep. That was how Mrs. Crook found the two of them when she came to collect the girls for their nap.

“D’ye want me to take her, Mistress?” 

“No.” Claire’s arms tightened ever so slightly around Kitty’s small form. “I’m alright with her. Thank you.” 

Jenny flitted about throughout the day, never quite sitting still, but she paused when she found Claire and Kitty there in the parlor. “That didna take long,” she said warmly, her gaze flicking down to sweet Kitty. 

“She’s quite the character now.” 

“Aye, since she learnt tae speak, she’s kept us laughing.” 

Claire exhaled a soft laugh, her gaze inexorably drawn back to the sleeping girl in her arms. She felt Jenny sink into the seat next to her, and drew in a deep breath. 

“What’s she like now?” Claire asked, her voice trembling as she managed to get the words out. Her eyes flicked up to Jenny to see if she understood that she wasn’t asking about Kitty.

Jenny made a soft, pitying sound and took her time considering how to answer.

“She’s a terribly smart wee thing,” Jenny said at length and despite how Jenny’s words made her ache, Claire also felt the pull of a proud smile. “Always keepin’ me on my toes, that one. And she was always the one in charge, despite Maggie being six months older.  

“And still as stubborn as ever, if no’ more. Took an age tae get her tae sleep wi’out needing to be held.”

Claire’s smile faltered, her thoughts flooded with the nights spent holding Faith in her arms, walking the length of the upper hallway until she fell asleep. She supposed Faith had been a bit of a difficult baby in that regard ‒ she never could fall right to sleep if they laid her down in her cradle. But Faith was their first baby and they’d been too wrapped up in her to try and change that nighttime routine with her. 

Jenny studied her expression. “Ye ken I was the same way with my wee Jamie. Lad never so much as touched the ground until he was well o’er a year. But with all the bairns, I‒” 

“Oh, Jenny, no. I’m not upset or judging you. With all the little ones, you couldn’t possibly…” 

“She only started going to sleep on her own when we let her share a bed with Maggie,” Jenny added.    

“Really?”

“Aye, they were always together when they were awake so we put her in wi’ Maggie one night and then she was happy as a lark.” 

Claire’s gaze dropped again to small Kitty. “They must miss her,” she said softly. “As I’m sure she misses them.” 

“She’s still such a wee darling,” Jenny said after a moment, and Claire felt her heart constrict. “She was always the last one out of bed every morning, but she’d look for me first when she woke, aye? After weeks of that, I… I never felt like my morning really started until after she’d run and found me... given me a hug. I miss that. I miss her‒”

She didn’t miss the way Jenny turned away slightly, surreptitiously wiping at her tears. Claire swallowed past the sudden lump on her throat as a heavy silence followed.      

“Ken she’s yer bairn, Claire, but after months of…” Jenny’s eyes were watery but she blinked back more tears and straightened. Claire watched her physically steel herself against the pain. 

“She was yours, during that time. I know that,” Claire whispered tightly, fighting her own rush of tears. For Jenny’s loss. For Faith’s. For her own. “You and Ian were prepared to raise her if… if Jamie and I didn’t make it back. I can never thank you enough.” 

“I’ll accept no thanks for it. She’s blood.” 

“I didn’t mean…” Claire reached for Jenny’s hand, surprised to feel Jenny’s tight squeeze in response. It was hard for both of them, unimaginably so. 

“I wanted ye both to come back for her. I’m no’ saying‒”

“No, of course not,” Claire said firmly. “I only meant that it… it was a comfort to me when we were gone, knowing she was here. Knowing she was loved. Jamie and I couldn’t have entrusted her to anyone else.” 

“I wasna in the house when Murtagh came and fetched her,” Jenny said suddenly, her voice suddenly wooden. “I found out a short while later. Mrs. Crook made a fuss of it but she didn’t stop him.” Her gaze met Claire’s and she saw the pain lurking behind Jenny’s stubborn resolve. “But if it had been me, Claire, he never would’ve gone one step away from here wi’ that child. And I jest keep thinking if I had been here to stop him, mebbe none o’ this would’ve happened. Mebbe Jamie would’ve had tae figure out a different plan if Faith never arrived. And surely ye wouldna have agreed to go anywhere wi’out her.”

“Jenny…” Claire sighed. “I have replayed that day over and over in my mind, wondering how I could’ve changed the outcome. But at the end of the day, it’s wasted energy. Because there’s nothing either of us could do now to change what’s happened. I know you know that.”     

She squeezed Jenny’s hand a little tighter. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Neither did ye.” 

Jenny’s words surprised her and she let out a humorless laugh. “Not so sure about that‒”

“Claire,” Jenny chided sharply. “Ye didna ken what would happen ‒ and how could ye? Would ye have gone if ye had?”

“No, but I‒” 

“Are ye really goin’ tae argue wi’ me o’er the same thing ye just told me no’ to punish myself about?” 

Her mouth snapped shut, no counterargument coming to mind. She’d meant what she said ‒ Jenny should carry no guilt for that day. That didn’t mean the choice of going through the stones that day didn’t weigh heavily on Claire’s conscience. But Jenny was bound and determined to make the same argument on her behalf, she could see.     

“How far along are ye?” Jenny asked when their conversation stalled. 

“Eleven weeks or so. Still so much that can go wrong.” The last sentence came out in a rush. Jenny’s hand held tight to her own, an unspoken understanding passing between them. “In fact, I‒ well, besides when I came through that morning, I haven’t felt sick once and I worry… what if that…” 

“Have ye bled at all?” Jenny cut in, not unkindly but to the point. 

“N-no, but it would take some time still before my body‒” She couldn’t finish the sentence, but Jenny squeezed her hand, seeming to understand. 

“Were ye sick when you went through back tae yer time?” 

“Sick as a dog the entire time I was there. That’s how it had been when I was pregnant with Faith.” 

She hadn’t realized she was crying until Jenny’s hand gently brushed the tears from her face. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to talk to someone about this until the words were spilling out to Jenny, no longer festering under her skin. 

“I’ve been so focused on finding Jamie and Faith the last few weeks that I’ve barely even thought about the baby, but I‒ oh god, I couldn’t bear to lose it!” 

The sobs came then and she was pulled sideways into Jenny’s arms and held there. Kitty stirred but didn’t wake, stretching sleepily in her new position.     

“Dinna talk like that, Claire.” Jenny’s voice was soft and soothing but laced with concern. “Until we ken otherwise, this bairn is jest fine. It’s no use tae spend yer time worrying when it might jest be yer sickness easing up.” 

Rationally, Claire knew this could be the reason… her morning sickness letting up as she approached her second trimester.  

“Ye willna be alone, Claire,” Jenny startled her by speaking right to the heart of her fear, the part she couldn’t possibly put into words without breaking. “No matter what happens to the bairn or to Jamie or Faith. Ye hear me?”

Jamie had said those same words to her once and though she would never quite be whole if she lost any of them, she knew Jamie was still right. He’d seen to it that she had a family who could carry her through even the unthinkable. 

Her free hand came up to grasp Jenny’s arm where it was holding tightly to her. “I hear you.”

“Milady!” 

“Jenny! Claire!” 

Fergus and Ian’s voices announced their return from Broch Morda late in the day and had both Jenny and Claire hastening out to meet them. 

“What’s happened?” Jenny demanded. 

“There’s a letter for you!” Fergus jumped down from the wagon before Ian had even slowed the horses to full stop. 

“Careful!” Claire scolded, but it was lost on Ian’s next words. 

“Jest have a look at the handwriting.” 

Fergus handed the letter over to Jenny, to whom it was addressed, and Claire had to restrain herself from snatching it from Jenny’s fingers when she caught sight of the familiar, fine penmanship that belonged to her husband. 

 “Jamie…” 

Jenny tore open the letter abruptly and unfolded it while Claire arranged herself at Jenny’s shoulder, peering over at the contents of it. Not a word of it was in English and bits of the Gaelic was lost on Claire. 

“What does it say?” Fergus asked impatiently, but Claire and Jenny were both too engrossed to respond. Instead, Claire slipped an arm around his shoulders and tucked him against her side. 

“That word there ‒ what does that mean?” She pointed. 

Jenny gave her a sideways glance. “Sorcha? It’s… well, it’s you, Claire. It’s yer name in Gàidhlig. He’s written that you’ve gone. That he’s lost ye.” 

She didn’t need a translator for the next sentence written in French. One word jumped out at her and suddenly her vision blurred with tears. It was clear he was trying to be careful; he’d referred to their child as faith, a belief. But he had her. 

There was no way to tell him of her return but somehow just the confirmation that Jamie and Faith were alive and together at the time he’d written gave Claire a sweeping sense of relief.   

“They’re alright,” she breathed out. 

“Where are they?” Fergus asked. 

“He doesna say.” Jenny sighed. 

“Where are they headed?” 

It might’ve been quicker to hand Fergus the letter and let him see for himself, but instead, Jenny scanned it again, as though trying to extract some further message from it. “He doesna say,” she repeated, with no effort to hide her disappointment. 

“He’s being cautious. Especially because of Faith. And he wouldn’t want to put any of your lives in jeopardy by disclosing his plans.”

“But…” Fergus began and then hesitated. When Claire glanced down at him, she could see the concern etched into his expression. His gaze slid up to meet hers. “How will we find them if we don’t know where he is or where he’s going?” 

Claire breathed in deeply. An excellent question, she thought, and one she had no answer to. “Don’t you worry. We’ll… we’ll keep looking.” 

  They went inside, but the contents of the letter stayed top of mind for all as they tried to move about their day. Ian read the letter for himself and then Murtagh read it when he joined them before dinner. In the evening, they gathered in the parlor, and Jamie’s letter ended up in Claire’s hands while the discussion of Jamie and Faith’s whereabouts unfolded around them. 

“He could’ve gone to Leoch.” 

Claire pulled a face at that suggestion from Murtagh. “Surely not after Colum’s death and‒” her gaze broke away to wee Jamie and she couldn’t get the words out of how it had ended with Dougal in front of the little ones. 

“Aye, with both brothers gone, the role of clan chieftain will pass to wee Hamish. Doubt he’d give Jamie much trouble, wee runt that he is. No one there would ken what happened wi’ Dougal MacKenzie. And Jamie does have people there who would be loyal to him and give him shelter if he asked for it.” 

Claire considered it, but only for a moment. “No, he wouldn’t risk it. Colum wanted to remain neutral but Dougal fought in the rebellion with his men and there’s no telling how the British will interpret Clan MacKenzie’s loyalty. Especially in the immediate aftermath, they work tirelessly to squash any trace of rebellion. Besides, if anyone knows of Jamie’s ties to the MacKenzie clan, it would be the next place the Redcoats would look after here.” 

Murtagh only grunted, still considering. 

“I ken how he feels about Lord Lovat, but maybe…” Ian trailed off, staring at Claire. “Have I missed something, Claire?”   

She breathed in briskly. “This hadn’t felt relevant when I shared my story with you all, but… Lord Lovat will be executed as a traitor by the British for his involvement in the rising. There was a… Well. Let’s just say I knew of this before Culloden, but I found confirmation of Lord Lovat’s execution when I returned to my time, while I looked for Jamie. And Jamie knows about his grandfather’s death, too. He won’t bring Faith there, even if they are family.” 

Jenny took the news of her grandsire in stride while Ian cleared his throat awkwardly, not sure how to move on from that piece of news. 

“More likely he’ll go where no one kens him,” Murtagh said softly, his gaze on the fire. “If he canna turn to family without risk involved.” 

Claire didn’t miss the way Fergus’s face fell at this pronouncement. He had picked a spot on the floor, away from everyone else and closer to the fire, but his attention to their conversation was completely present. 

She’d never seen him so morose before, but she understood perfectly why he felt so hopeless ‒ it was a daily battle of her own not to give in to the feeling. 

“Fergus, come sit by me,” she called to him. 

He went without any resistance and sunk into the spot next to her on the sofa. Claire pulled him closer and his head leaned against her shoulder. “It’ll be alright, love,” she murmured quietly. 

“Can I see this?” he asked, ignoring her comment. 

“Yes, of course.” With a sad smile, she handed over the letter to him and then let her attention drift back to the conversation at hand. 

Fergus pored over the contents of the letter and, like everyone else, found nothing new to glean from it. Clearly frustrated, he began to fidget with the letter, using the weight of the wax seal on one end to flip the paper back and forth, open and then folded shut.

Claire watched him, unable to ignore the movement from the corner of her eye. Something clicked in her brain and her hand shot out, stopping Fergus. The red wax seal faced up to both of them and Fergus glanced curiously at Claire. 

“I’ve seen this seal before.” 

She said it quietly enough that none of the others heard it ‒ she’d said it mostly to herself but Fergus had caught it, too. 

“Where have I seen this seal before?” 

Fergus took a deep breath, his whole demeanor shifting. “Is it not Milord’s?” 

“No, it’s not his. But it’s familiar, somehow…” 

“If you remember, it could help us find them, non?”        

She frowned slightly at it. “Perhaps. If I remember.” 

That night she dreamt of the World War, of being back in the field hospitals tending to wounded soldiers. But she was looking for someone in particular as she checked the cots of the wounded. Suddenly, someone tugged on her arm and she turned, finding Mary Hawkins at her side, clad in the same dress she’d worn that day at the apothecary in Inverness.   

“Please, Claire, you have to help him!” Claire could see Alex Randall suddenly, laid out on a cot just behind Mary. A nurse was pulling a sheet over his head, already gone. “He’s dying!” 

“I’m sorry, Mary. There’s nothing I can do.” There was an urgency, an almost physical push for Claire to leave that she couldn’t define. “I have to find my husband.” 

Claire woke with a start and laid very still in the dark room. For a moment, her mind struggled to place that room, and which year she resided in. She curled up on her side and breathed in deeply, the details of her dream already starting to fade. But seeing Mary, someone from this time, plopped into the middle of 1943 was hard to forget. And the powerlessness she’d felt of being unable to cure poor Alex…

Her eyes flew open again and stared through the darkness.  

She had seen the seal before. Three weeks ago on Alex Randall’s desk. 

“Randall?” Murtagh scowled. 

“Alex Randall, yes.” Claire handed the letter to him. “During one of the times I tended to him in Inverness, I wrote out a list for Mary of what she could give Alex to keep him comfortable and help him rest. The seal was there. He must’ve recently written a letter ‒ or Mary.” 

“And ye’re sure? Ye ken it’s the same as this one and no’ just because ye dreamed it?” 

Claire, on some level, understood his skepticism, but she leveled an irritated gaze at him for that remark all the same. “Yes, I’m sure.”    

“What the devil would Jamie be doing wi’ a dead man’s seal? Wi’ a Randall’s seal?” 

“Not Alex,” Claire murmured, noticing the sounds of little ones up in the hallway. It wouldn’t be long before the family joined them. “But what about Mary?”

Murtagh gave a soft grunt, considering this. 

“She would’ve still been in Inverness,” Claire pressed. “And Jamie knew this. What if he stopped there first after the stones?”

Murtagh looked doubtful of that possibility but he didn’t say anything. 

“How else would Jamie have used this seal, hmm?” She pressed the issue, feeling for the first time a sense of hope. They had a direction, at least. They knew where to start. If Mary was still in Inverness, they had someone to question who likely saw Jamie and Faith after Culloden.

“Suppose we head for Inverness and we’re wrong about the seal. What then?” 

Claire gave a helpless shrug. “We don’t have anything else to go on. If not Inverness, where else would we look that wouldn’t be a complete guess?”   

In 4 days’ time, they were packing up from Lallybroch to head for Inverness. 

For Claire, that meant grabbing what she would need for the journey, but also what she could bring should she find Jamie and Faith. When they’d left from Lallybroch the last time, there were plenty of their things they’d left behind, like Jamie’s mother’s pearls that he’d given to Claire on their wedding night. 

She packed her maternity stays she’d worn in Paris, uncertain of where she’d be when the need arose for them again. She stilled in her packing at that thought. She had no idea where she’d be when the baby came, either, and that thought was terrifying. Digging into a chest in the Laird’s room, she unearthed some of Faith’s clothing from when she was a tiny baby. They’d packed them away last year ‒ was it only last year? ‒ with the unspoken hope between her and Jamie that they’d have a reason to use them again someday. 

Her fingers toyed with the fabric of one simple white nightgown. These were such imperfect circumstances to bring a baby into, but then again… Faith had entered the world amidst equally imperfect circumstances. Claire knew she could do it, if she had to… raise the baby on her own. But oh, the thought of this baby never knowing Jamie or Faith broke her heart clean in two. 

A light rap on the door startled Claire and she turned to see Jenny with a few of Faith’s things ‒ her doll, a blanket, and the wooden box that Claire knew held 12 apostle spoons. 

“Are you sure about that one?” She gestured to the box. “I know that’s a family heirloom.” 

“It was Faith’s christening gift. It should be returned to Faith.”    

Claire smiled faintly, bolstered slightly by Jenny’s unwavering belief that wherever this journey ended, Faith and Jamie would be there. 

“All set, then?” Claire poked her head into Fergus’s room. The boy was finishing up packing his things neatly into his pack as Jamie had shown him. He’d been different the last few days, since she’d remembered about the seal. Since they had a direction in mind to begin. Hope had returned for him and no shortage of determination as well. 

“Oui, Milady. Just about.” 

His wooden swords leaned against the wall in one corner. He’d already decided that those would go to wee Jamie, that they were too bulky to bring along and that he was too old for them now anyway. 

But Claire felt a soft swell of relief to see him tucking his carved horse into his bag to take with him. He was growing up much too quickly, but he hadn’t outgrown her and for that, she was grateful.    

“Are you sad to leave this behind? It’s been your room for a while.” 

Fergus glanced over the room and gave a small shrug. “It’s only a room.”

She thought of all the places they’d lived over the two years that Fergus had been with them ‒ Jared’s place, Lallybroch, drafty cottages and flimsy tents dotted all along Scotland and England. They’d given him an upbringing not unlike what she’d had with her Uncle Lamb, and with it, an untethered understanding of home. 

“You’re right, it’s only a room.” 

She reached an arm out to him as he slung his pack over his shoulder, and they walked out of the room together with his shoulder tucked into her side. 

  “Ye have everything then?” 

“Think so.” 

Claire looked up from adjusting her saddlebag with last-minute provisions and saw Jenny standing there, arms folded across her chest.  

She’d said her goodbyes to wee Jamie, Maggie, and Kitty already, which was harder for a second time, having felt as though she’d only gotten to know them again just to leave them, never knowing when ‒ or even if ‒ she might see them next.

Murtagh and Fergus were securing the last of the packs to Murtagh’s horse so she and Jenny had a moment to themselves. 

“I feel like we just did this, saying our goodbyes,” Claire said ruefully. 

Jenny pulled her into a tight hug. “Aye, weel, the two o’ ye never can seem to stay out o’ trouble.” 

She gave Jenny a squeeze before releasing her. 

“Take care of yerself, sister. And I don’t jest mean because o’ the bairn. Though…” her hand came to rest on Claire’s stomach over the layers of her skirts. “Do take care o’ this one as well.” 

“I will. And I’ll send word as soon as I know anything. I promise.” 

Jenny smiled appreciatively at that, though Claire knew in this century, it would take weeks if not months for the news to arrive. It hardly felt right in these circumstances to leave their family waiting that long without word, but they didn’t know anything different than the snail’s pace of correspondence. 

“If I find them‒”

“When ye find them,” Jenny corrected her. The only time she’d even hinted at the possibility of losing Jamie and Faith had been that day in the parlor, and only to assure Claire that they would support her.  

“When I do … it will still be a while that the British occupy the Highlands. I don’t know when it will be safe to return to Lallybroch, but it might not be for a long while.” 

“I ken that.” Jenny’s expression was strong and unshakable but Claire knew… the reality of what stretched out before them even if they found Jamie quickly still meant that the Murrays might not see them for years. Might not see them ever again, even. “Dinna bring them home if it’s no’ safe. We understand.” 

Claire nodded. It didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt like hell to be apart. She pulled Jenny back in for a last hug, murmuring a quiet apology against her shoulder, and hoping that Jenny knew that she understood what Jenny was losing, too. What she’d already lost. Faith had lived under Lallybroch’s roof since she was four months old. And for eight months, she’d been entrusted solely to Jenny and Ian. It wasn’t just Jenny’s only remaining brother that was missing, likely not to return any time soon, but the niece who was also a little more than that.   

“She’ll know about how you felt about her morning greetings,” Claire found herself saying. “I’ll tell her everything about her life here, including what you shared with me from the last several months. She’ll know it all, I promise.” 

Murtagh and Fergus were hovering awkwardly nearby, having loaded everything onto the two horses they were taking ‒ Murtagh’s and the horse Claire had bought in Inverness. She released Jenny in time to see Ian making his way out to say goodbye to them. 

“C’mere, lad,” Jenny beckoned Fergus to her. “Come say goodbye to yer auntie then.” 

Claire turned to Ian, at a loss for what to say. He smiled at her, a touch sadly, and pulled her into a hug. “Take care o’ yer Fraser, aye?” 

She felt her vision burn with tears, remembering how they’d parted last year. “I will,” she said, her voice raspy. “And you take care of yours. Take extra good care of her, please.” 

Ian’s response was to squeeze her tighter. She sighed and finally released him, seeing that Jenny was laying into Murtagh what seemed to be instructions for looking out for her and Fergus. Murtagh appeared less than thrilled, but wisely only grunted in acknowledgement. 

When everyone had said their goodbyes, it was time to leave. Claire turned to Fergus and tilted her head in the direction of the horses. “Your choice. You can ride with me or with Murtagh.” 

“I will start the journey with Murtagh,” Fergus said decidedly. “And when he gets too grumpy, I will ride with you, Milady.” 

His words broke the heavy feeling in their group as laughter rippled out. 

“I dinna have to let ye ride wi’ me,” Murtagh fired back, though his eyes danced with merriment as he mounted his horse and extended a hand to Fergus to help him up. 

Ian offered Claire a hand as she mounted her horse. She turned to Murtagh and Fergus. “Ready?” 

Murtagh gave a curt nod, and Fergus from his perch behind Murtagh gave Claire a determined nod of his own. Claire gave her horse a firm kick and they were off. 

This time, when they cleared the gates, Claire looked back. She wanted to remember seeing Jenny and Ian by the front steps waving goodbye, and how Lallybroch looked in the early May light with the rest of the world all green around it. For as long as she lived, if she never saw it again, it would live always in her memory just like this. The first place that felt like home.  

But it’s only a place, she reminded herself. Though she couldn’t find it within herself to feel completely as Fergus did, as she might’ve when she were younger. Lallybroch was home for a while. And the Murrays were family. 

But home would be if‒ no, when… home would be when she found Jamie and Faith, with Fergus and Murtagh with them, and their little family wouldn’t be separated for the first time since last August. Home would be back together again. 

Jamie and Faith were out there somewhere. All they had to do was find them.    

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 29: Your Struggles are Mine

Summary: Claire tries to put up a brave front, and Jamie is at a loss for how to reach her.

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A/n: thank you for your patience, lovely tumblr readers. Here is the actual chapter now on tumblr. Hope you enjoy 💕

Chapter 29: Your Struggles are Mine

***

It raised in alarm as he cried out a second time, “Claire!”

She had just rounded the corner into his study, interrupting him out of his uneasy contemplation, when suddenly her hand came out to brace on the doorframe. It hit the wood with a loud thunk. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and unfocused, and she swayed dangerously. The only thing keeping her upright was her white-knucked grip on the doorframe.

Jamie shot up from his desk. He knocked over his trash bin in his urgency to get to her, all but vaulting over his desk. In the next second as he reached her, she was collapsing into his arms, limp as a ragdoll.

“Claire?” he choked. It seemed the only thing he was capable of saying was her name.

He lowered them both to the ground, cradling Claire in his lap. He freed a hand to gently brush back some of her hair, finding her forehead to be clammy. Her skin was pale, much more than usual, which revealed dark circles underneath her eyes.

“Jamie,” she whispered fuzzily. It wasn’t exactly a whimper, nor was it a question, but it was as if saying his name and reminding herself of his presence brought her some comfort.

“I’ve got ye, mo nighean donn,” he said with as much calm gentleness as he could muster as alarm coursed through his veins.

“I—” she raised a shaking hand up to her forehead, her brows furrowing in a perplexed, albeit dizzy, expression, “what’s going on?”

“Dinna fash, Sassenach,” he soothed, “ye’re alright, I’m here.”

At his words, her hand dropped, and he replaced it with his own, brushing it over her forehead again before cupping her face.

“Let’s get ye back tae bed, aye, mo ghraidh? Can ye hold on tae me?”

She didn’t respond. He expected a nod in the least, but she simply screwed her eyes shut and let her head fall against his chest. His lass was melted against him as he carefully lifted her and walked to the bedroom.

Jamie’s heart hammered in his chest as he held her close. It was a particular kind of torture seeing a loved one suffer, and the helplessness of not being able to do anything made it all the worse. As he gently laid her down on the bed, taking in her beautiful features scrunched in discomfort, he felt as if he were experiencing her pain in his own body.

“Jamie?” The moment his hands left her, she was weakly calling out his name.

“Hush, lass, I’m right here,” he soothed. He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair, trying to let her know he was with her. “Hush now. It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry, I—“ she murmured, but trailed off as she lifted a hand to press against her eyes, “I don’t...” Her words seemed almost incoherent— faint and breathless.

“Ye’re okay, mo ghraidh. Jes’ tired and a wee bit dazed. Go to sleep now,” Jamie hushed.

She still seemed unsettled. Her body stirred faintly, and the crease between her brows was apparent. The only thing he could think to do was take her in his arms, so he slipped into bed beside her and settled in.

As expected, his clingy fair one quieted the moment she was enveloped in his arms. Whatever had been distressing her in her disoriented state seemed to leave her mind. As minutes passed, the tension in her muscles eased little by little until her breathing was deep and rhythmic.

“Rest now, a leannan,” Jamie murmured under his breath, allowing the tension to flow from his own muscles.

Even though it was only early evening, he found himself settling in. Powerless to do anything else, Jamie laid his head on the pillow and followed her into sleep.

***

Jamie woke the next morning to a hand snaking its way underneath his shirt. The sensation startled him out of sleep, and he was so taken aback upon waking to fingers on the bare skin of his side that he nearly tore away. But before he jerked free, his brain caught up enough to provide him with a simple explanation of Claire .

He opened his eyes to see mussed curls on his chest, a leg thrown across his, and of course, Claire’s hand tucked under his shirt to hold his side. Hold really was the best word for it. More than simply resting there, she seemed to grip him, as if she was worried he might slip away.

He could tell from her breathing that she was awake, so he tentatively murmured, “Claire, mo ghraidh?”

To his surprise, her head lifted and he was greeted with a warm smile.

“Good morning, Jamie.”

His heart sang in relief at seeing this spark in her, and his arms automatically tightened around her body.

“Ye’re feelin’ better?”

What came next was a whirlwind that nearly knocked Jamie off his feet— and it probably would have, had he been standing.

Claire sat up, letting the covers fall to the side, and nodded. When she spoke, the words came out in a rush, as if she wanted to get them over with all at once.

“Don’t know what happened yesterday, but I’m fine now. Let’s go get you breakfast.”

Before Jamie could even react, she was out of bed and pulling one of his hoodies out of the closet and over her head. But the second it was on, her eyes widened in alarm, then snapped shut. She swayed dangerously, her knees nearly giving out and her right hand reaching out into the empty air for support.

Jamie was on his feet and by her side before he could even blink. He brought his hands underneath her forearms to brace her. Although her fingers instinctively wrapped around his arms in response, the moment her eyes refocused, she let go of him, all but tearing away before rushing out of the room.

Left standing still in utter shock, Jamie’s heart slogged away in his chest, trying desperately to even its rhythm as his brain whirled.

What the devil was she doing?

Standing in the empty room and listening to her footsteps descend the stairs, he had no choice but to follow.

***

As Jamie made breakfast with Claire watching quietly from the table, petting Adso with absent strokes, he struggled over how to broach the subject looming over them. His skin prickled as his worries brewed inside his head. Her bizarre behavior had done little to ease his mind, and although she was up now, as she sat at the table, he could tell she was white as a ghost. Her resistance to any mention of the subject perplexed him, and he had no idea how to navigate it.

When he finally decided that the words on his tongue would get no better, he spoke simply.

“That scared me yesterday, mo ghraidh,” Jamie commented, trying to keep his voice light. He searched her face for her reaction before adding, “How do ye feel today? Really?”

“I’m fine,” she answered with a smile, but it barely reached past her lips. Her smiles would usually light her whole face— dimples peeking out and eyes crinkling— but her expression hardly changed with this weak attempt.

“I dinna think ye are,” he said slowly but pointedly, fixing his eyes on her. She refused to meet them, looking down at her hands. He set his breakfast preparations down and walked toward her, “It’s alright. Please, tell me the truth about how ye’re feelin’, lass.”

“I am okay, Jamie,” she insisted with a nod, “What happened yesterday was just a fluke.”

She did look at him this time, leveling him with her whisky gaze. But all he saw there was exhaustion, not the conviction she was trying to demonstrate.

He wasn’t even close to being persuaded by her attempts. His stomach was clenching in concern, and he ached to take her in his arms and hold her while promising that everything would be alright. But as he squirmed underneath the weight of her insistence, he had no idea what else to do to convince her to let him in.

As much as it killed him to let it go— at least for the time being— he dropped the subject with a slump of his shoulders. Seeing this, Claire gave him another smile, trying her best to look reassuring.

It did little good. As Jamie sat down in front of his breakfast, his appetite was nowhere to be found. He could barely manage even a few bites.

*

After he’d finished what little breakfast he could stomach, they went into the living room to watch a movie, Claire snuggling close to him. Her eyes began to droop only 30 minutes in, and after another 20, she was fully asleep on his lap. He petted her hair, lost in his head as the movie played in the background of his deafening thoughts.

When the movie ended sometime later, he leaned forward for the remote. His movements must have jostled her because she pushed herself up from his lap until she was sitting again.

But the second she was upright, her face went startlingly pale, and both of her hands flew to press against her eyes. She swayed dangerously, even seated as she was, and Jamie reached out to hold her steady by both arms.

“Sassenach?” he asked in concern.

“I’m fine, just a little dizzy,” she murmured from behind her hands.

Jamie’s brows furrowed in distaste. He slid a hand across her cheek, cupping it in what he hoped was a steadying manner. In another few seconds, her hands dropped away, and he was able to take in sight of her face. She looked exhausted. The dark rings around her eyes seemed to have deepened and fatigue was written clearly in her expression. She had no hint of her usual vivacity— there was only fear and unease in the set of her body.

“Ye’re no’ fine, a leannan,” he disagreed gently.

“I am. I don’t want you to worry about me,” she said.

“‘Worry about you?’’’ he echoed hollowly, “of course I’m worrit about ye, a nighean. I love ye, and I hate tae see ye unwell. And it only makes me more worrit when ye dinna tell me how ye’re really feeling.” He tried to keep his tone soft. He didn’t want to make her feet guilty, or feel like he was pushing her. He only wanted for her to tell him the truth.

She shook her head stubbornly. “I’m just a little tired.”

Looking at her expression— the way she was guarding her eyes but failing to conceal the struggle beneath— he realized that what had been lurking in those honey-gold rings was uncertainty , running contrary to her insistent words.

All the pieces suddenly fell into place, and Jamie had to hold back the tears that pricked at his eyes as he finally understood.

“ I don’t want you to worry about me,” she had said.

He saw exactly what she was doing with startling clarity. The poor lass was trying to go it alone. She cared so much about him that she wanted to protect him, even in her suffering. She knew he was worried— could probably feel it too— and he knew she hated doing that to him. So, she thought that just maybe she could deal with it by herself. That she could keep it inside. That she could spare him.

His heart broke for her.

Scooting closer, Jamie gathered her gently into his embrace. She was resistant at first as he pulled her closer, but soon, when he refused to budge, she melted against his chest. Her face pressed into his shoulder, but her arms remained by her sides. He held her quietly for a time before speaking.

“I love you, Claire. And that means I love all of you and everythin’ that comes with it. Don’t ye see, mo ghraidh? Your struggles are mine. Now that we have each other, ye dinna have to face these things alone. I’m here, and I will care for ye as long as there is breath in my lungs. Jes’ please… please let me in.”

Claire didn’t respond for a long time. She was quiet, motionless, until finally, her wee, shaking hands came up to hug him.

He let out a breath— not in disappointment, but in sympathy for her— and he rocked her gently as she silently held on.

She wasn’t ready yet to talk to him about it. And that was okay. What mattered was that she knew he was here. With time, he knew she’d take off the mask and let him in.

“I love ye,” he murmured softly, “and nothin’ will ever make me stop. Do ye hear me?”

She nodded, and he thought he heard a sniffle. “I love ye more, Jamie,” she said dimly from his neck. There was a sensation of warm wetness on his skin, and his heart broke a little to realize she was crying.

“Oh, mo chridhe,” he said softly, “dinna cry. I’m here. Ye’re no’ alone. Ye’re never alone.” He tightened his arms to bring her ever-closer.

With her face pressed into his skin, she murmured something, so hastily and quietly that the sound barely came out.

“What’s that?” he asked. He held his whole body still, as if one wrong move would prevent her from speaking.

She withdrew her face from his neck and looked up at him with teary, red-rimmed eyes. Her lips parted as she drew in a breath, readying herself to repeat her confession

“I’m scared,” she said, clearly this time. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, and I’m really scared, Jamie.”

There it was.

“Me too,” he admitted, pulling her close once again, cupping the back of her head. His heart felt like it might beat out of his chest, but he kept his breathing as even as possible. “I’m scared too. But we’ll face it together, mo ghraidh. I promise I’ll see ye safe.”

Tears washed down her face anew, and he had to lean back to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Dinna fash. Everything will be okay.”

She looked exhausted, but there was relief on her face as well— clear as day. He smiled fondly down at her, brushing away her tears with his thumbs.

“Ye need rest. Let’s get ye tae bed.”

Claire started to pull away from him as if she was about to try to stand, but Jamie tightened his arms around her. Moving quickly but carefully, he reached a hand under her legs and scooped her up. He stood with ease and began to carry her upstairs, still staring down at her. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away.

Claire seemed to share that impulse. She was looking up at him with big, watery eyes. He couldn’t help but place yet another kiss right between the furrow of her brow. He wished his kisses would smooth the stress there away forever, but he didn’t have that power. She squeezed her eyes shut as he did, and a few more tears leaked out.

“Stay with me?” she asked after he’d laid her down on the bed.

“Always,” he answered in a breath.

He laid down next to her and allowed her to curl against his side. Shifting slightly, he wrapped his arms around her and she pressed her face into the spot on his chest where she liked to lay her head.

“Rest well, mo nighean donn,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, my love,” she whispered back, “thank you.”

“Ye dinna need tae thank me for doin’ me job, my sweet lass,” he reassured, “sleep now.”

He held her tightly and carefully for what felt like hours. Long after she’d gone to sleep, Jamie lay awake, cradling his world in his arms.

***

Next

[hitsuackerman]

The Last Nugget (Hawks x Reader) pt. 2

So, this here is the part 2 of The Last Nugget :’) This was doing pretty well and @rynxenvy​ would kill for a part 2 so... here you go :) 

link: part 1, part 3

warnings: fluff(?), slight angst(? but ya’ll im bad at angst huhu)

Now that you were out of the meeting and up in the sky, your eyes took in the amazing view of the city. The cool wind and the warmth of Hawks arms around your body was not helping at all. You had already passed by a few branches of McGonald’s so you were pretty sure Hawks had other places in mind.

With that, you gave in and closed your eyes.

Hawks, on the other hand, did the little joy ride on purpose. Of course, he did this not only for you but also for him. He had a lot going on in his mind. There was a tugging feeling in him that something horrible was bound to happen in the months to come.

Unconsciously, his hold on you tightened and his jaw tightened. He stopped moving forward and stayed suspended in the air. Looking at your sleeping figure, he couldn’t help but grit his teeth at frustration. Damn the committee for making him into a spy. Adjusting his hold on you, he moved once more and went to the nearest McGonald’s he could find.

“Can I get 2 boxes of 20 pieces Nuggets?” Hawks ordered quietly. Making sure not to disturb your dreams. The cashier was all too stunned at the sight before her. Hawks carrying Pro-Hero #15. Asleep.

“Oh. And an Oreo Flurry as well.” Smirking at you then to the cashier. “She likes Oreo, in case you didn’t know.”

So the rumors were right, the cashier thought. There had been some activity in the grapevine that #2 and #15 had a thing going on. Yet because of how Hawks had the power to wipe out any article and how you preferred to remain lowkey (despite being ranked high) there weren’t that many blogs. Save for eyewitnesses who saw first hand how you two would interact.

Giving the payment, Hawks made his feather hand over his card. Finally moving to the last window, the employee handed the meal to the same feather as well. This time, curiosity got over him and he couldn’t help but ask.

“Uh. I’m sorry for asking, Mr. Hawks.” He began to fidget a bit with his fingers. “Are you two dating?”

Hawks eyes widened for a wee bit. He was not expecting that question. But there was no running away from the curious minds of people.

“I wish we were.” A ghost of a smile on his face.

Not wanting to answer any more questions, he excused himself and flew away. Heart clenching at the next months to come. Adjusting his wings, he swooped in faster than intended. His eyes now focused on the opening of his penthouse.

Landing gracefully, he made the feather place the meal on the table while he made his way to your room. Despite turning his offer down, he still chose to give you a room in his space. But, you would be lying if you said you had never slept in that room.

Whenever you two would have dinner, Hawks would always manage to persuade you to stay the night. And that happens more often than not. Besides, the two of you liked the quiet moments shared between breakfast.

Placing you gently on your bed, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh. You were one, if not the most, important person in his life. The one thing he looked forward to when he would finish his patrol or come back home from spending time with the LoV. To him, you were what kept him sane from his fast ways.

Letting you get your rest, he closed your door and readied the plates and utensils.

When you finally realized that you fell asleep, you woke up with a recollection that you were just in his arms and in the sky. Now, you were inside Hawk’s penthouse. Feeling heat beside you, you were not expecting him to be beside you. His eyes closed shut and with even breathing. Turning to face him, you noticed he had taken his jacket off.

You always loved it when he was without the jacket. The body suit complimented him well and his cuts were always lovely to stare at. Not able to resist, you began to trace his jaw. Booping his nose, you let yourself smile at how you ended up falling for such a cocky and teasing bastard who has wings.

Not noticing, he had wrapped his arm around you and in turn, you shuffled in closer and wrapped your arm around him. That seemed to wake him up.

“You awake now, lovebird?”

“Yeah. Did I wake you up?”

Pulling you into a tighter hug, you were now buried in his suit. His chin rested on your head.

“Nah. I just drifted off.” His voice had a teasing tone to it. “You were touching me, lovebird.”

“Shut up.” But you were smiling and he knew it.

“Shall we eat? Bet you’re hungry.” Hawks offered which you gladly accepted. Unwrapping each other, he led the way to the dining area despite you knowing perfectly here it was. This did give you the perfect opportunity to stare at his wings from behind.

Up close, they seemed to be quivering. For some reason, they seemed to be fuller as well. Almost as if he were saving them for something. Chewing on your lower lip, your brows furrowed at the unease growing with your tummy.

Pulling your chair for you, you sat down and snickered at the fancy dinnerware he used. Even though it was just iced tea, he still placed them in expensive wine glasses. This would seem all too amusing but you knew this was his way of conveying a message.

“You wanna talk about it?” You offered. Biting a piece of nugget.

“I feel like I’m flying too close to the sun, lovebird.” His eyes were focused on the view his balcony offered. They were distant and closed off. His fingers tapped the edge of the table.

Sadness coated the both of you. You knew this day would be coming, there was just this selfish part of you that it would be later rather than sooner. Losing your appetite, you stood up. Catching his attention, Hawks eyes followed your every movement. Seeing that you were moving towards him, he pushed his chair back and let you sit on his lap.

“You know I’ll always catch you no matter how fast you’ll fall, right?” You nuzzled into his neck. The stubble on his chin a little ticklish on your skin. You saw how he made his feathers cocoon the two of you. “I’ll come catching you with a first aid kit…”

“I know, lovebird.” Hawks began to draw circles on your back. “Say, if things go according to plan, go on a proper date with me?”

“And what kind of date do you have in plan?” You went with the flow. If there’s something he needs, he needs his mind to be taken off of the gigantic weight on his shoulder. “I think nuggets in fine dinner plates is an amazing date.”

“Oh yeah?” The sadness in his voice was something he couldn’t hide from you. “I’m still taking you out to a fancy private restaurant. And there, that’s where I’ll ask you to be mine. Properly.”

“Is that your way of saying you’ll come back?”

“Perhaps. I just want you to know I like you”

“I know you do.” Wrapping your arms tighter around his neck. Your hands find the base of his wings. Giving him a small massage, Hawks let out a small content moan from all the tension being released. “How long will you…”

“In about 4 months.”

“Oh.” That’s all you could say. Any further and you were bound to release the waterfalls. Your lower lip began to quiver and despite your effort, a few stray tears ran down your cheek.

Pushing you a bit, Hawks wiped the tears away and gave you a small kiss on the cheeks. His heart ached when he saw that had only made things worse. The waterfall had flowed and the only sound that filled his dining area were your quiet sobs. Pulling you back into his arms, he hated himself for having to see you in this state.

Whispering sweet nothings in your ear, the shaking and crying subsided.

“(Y/N)?”

“Keigo?”

“I’ll come back, my sweet birdy.” Tucking in a strand of hair behind your ear.

“In one piece I hope.”

“You can bet on that, love.” Now that the mood was better, Hawks refused to let you stand up. Making a feather push your plate to his side and have you eat from there. From time to time, you would feed each other earning a few fits, tickles, and giggles.

Night had fallen and Hawks managed to persuade you to stay in his unit. Not knowing what’s to come in the next 4 months, you agreed and the two of you stuck like two peas in a bod. Now, you were using his chest as a pillow and taking in his scent as much as you could. You were certain that once you wake up tomorrow, you would be alone with his side of the bed cold.

“What do you want for breakfast tomorrow, dove?” Hawks silently asked.

“I want to wake up with you beside me.” That was the truth.

Silence hugged the both of you. Slowly, you began to drift on and off. Using your last bit of strength, with eyes closed you whispered his name. Tears forming a puddle on his shirt. The rapid beating of his heart in your ears. His fists clenching tightly on his shirt you wore, hoping that tomorrow wouldn’t have to come.

“Don’t go…”

Hawks said something but you were now dead to the bone. Fatigue had won. Even in your sleep, you regret giving in to your body. All you wanted to do was wait till the morning sun would shine through his windows. All you wanted was to spend the remaining hours awake before who knows how long Hawks will be gone.

When you woke up, the other side was now cold. A lone red feather took his place. With trembling hands, you gripped the feather and held it against your chest. The room was now filled with your wails and cries. Damn the community. Fuck the LoV.

Not too far from the unit, Hawks had been cursing at the sight of you. All he wanted to do was to fly to you and bring you into his arms but both of you know it would be selfish. With a heavy heart, he turned his back on you and flew towards his demise.