#whatever it's literally fine i just need to get used to it!!

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

"We should scry on them."

"No!"

"GWAAAAAAARGH!!!"

"You stay out of this!"

"You're just mad she agrees with me."

The cave was spaciously appointed, though not luxuriously; the occupants preferred it that way. The two wizards believed in a more literal Man Cave experience, while the horror certainly felt more at home in the dark, rocky environs than it would have in a traditional summoning chamber.

"Oh come on-"

The horror cuts him off with a pointed look, cones swivelling to fix the wizard with stares from a dozen tiny eyeballs. He recovers after a moment and continues.

"Of course a Spiny Watcher thinks scrying is a good idea! She might be a fantastic parent in her own dimension," he says to an approving grumble, "but our daughter doesn't live in a literal hellscape infested with countless predators. They'll be fine."

"You really think she's ready? What if the boy is-"

"She can handle it. You've seen her growth over the past few years. You're just scared."

He reaches out and takes his husband's hand. The other man is silent.

"Just...think for a moment. If you really believe she's in danger, that we missed something in the wards on the house, or she's irresponsible enough to mess around outside them, or there's something else you think I've missed, then we can talk about it. But we have to start trusting her sometime."

A beat passes. The horror taps an appendage on the ground impatiently.

"...magic is dangerous. I don't want anything to happen to her."

"Things will. Right now, working in a safe environment on the beginner's spell suite, they'll be manageable. Give her room to make mistakes while she still has a safety net."

The other man hesitates, but ultimately nods.

"Whatever happens, it'll be alright. Now come on, we have a job to do."

The horror's eye-cones perk up as the two approach, shrinking back before she steels herself.

"It's alright, ma'am, just a routine bile test, won't be a moment. Your kids are in good eyes with your wives, you don't need to worry. Just focus on me for a second..."

The horror rotates its cones uncertainly before jumping forward in surprise.

"Done!" says the other wizard from behind her. "We'll send you back right away so you can get on with your watching; if anything's wrong we'll reach out, okay?"

The horror grunts something affirmative and thankful.

"Have a good day, ma'am," the wizard says with a wave, and the horror shrinks to a point in space and vanishes.

The man's husband sighs.

"It'll be alright," the first wizard says, reaching out to ruffle his partner's hair affectionately. "We've raised a wonderful young girl, and it's time for her to start coming into her own."

The other man lets out a sigh, half worried, half appreciative. He turns his gaze to the exit as his husband gets out the testing kit, and worries.

---

"What did you do, what did you do?"

"I did what you told me to!"

"I didn't tell you to summon THAT!"

The girl and the boy slowly back away from the thing that has appeared in the boy's carefully prepared circle. It was supposed to be a small rock. It was not.

"Send it back!"

"How??"

"Invert the thing you just did!"

"...how??"

The girl groans in frustration.

"Never mind. This place is warded to hell and back, it shouldn't be able to get us."

"Warded?"

"Yeah, like...protected against a bunch of stuff. If it attacks us it'll be stopped, if it tries to summon more..."

A beat passes.

"...like I did?"

"Shit," the girl says. "Something must be wrong with the wards."

"...should we go get your dads?" the boy asks hesitantly. The girl scowls, but begins to make wordlessly for the door.

The thing in the circle cries.

Not a vicious thing like they might have expected, but a high-pitched, keening sound of distress. Strangely human, for such an inhuman looking creature.

The pair turn to it. Now that they're not freaking out, it seems...small.

Too small.

"Ash, I...I think it might be a baby."

Ash's eyes soften for a moment, before she turns to go again.

The thing cries a second time.

"Is it going to be okay if we just leave it here?"

"We have to get my parents, Todd!"

"It's probably terrified! We can't leave it alone!"

"Well I don't know what to do!" Ash says, voice rising in pitch. Todd pauses and turns to her; her eyes are wide and fixed on the thing, seemingly unblinking.

He takes a breath.

"Ash, it's okay. You're the smartest person I know. This stuff is clearly important to you and you're just as clearly good at it."

"Then why-"

"Worry about that later. What do we need to do right now?"

"Get my parents," Ash says, turning towards the door.

The thing cries for a third time. Ash winces.

"...right. Maybe it...maybe you try going instead?"

Todd turns towards the door. The creature doesn't react.

Both of them relax, but only a little.

"Guess it likes you, heh."

"Just hurry up, Todd," Ash says irritably.

As Todd hustles out of the library and back towards the entryway, Ash stares warily at the horror.

Its eye-cones stare back.

---

"Ma'am, we're getting the scrying pool set up as quickly as we can. If you could please-"

"GRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

"I understand, ma'am. We have a daughter too. We are doing everything we-"

"GOOOOOOOORGH."

The wizard frowns.

"That she is not of our blood is irrelevant. Your stress is understandable, but I don't appreciate-"

A knocking sound booms through the cave.

"Speak of the dev- mm, better not actually," the wizard says, heading for the door as his husband finishes chanting and waves a large staff over the water in the basin.

The wizard mutters a few words under his breath and an opening appears in the rock.

"Theresacreatureinthelibrarywithconesforeyesand-"

"GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"BOTH OF YOU BE SILENT!" the wizard thunders, the words ringing out like a curse. The boy continues talking for a moment, stopping in confusion when no sound is emitted. The horror surges forward.

"Okay, got a fix on- ma'am, please!"

The monstrous mother rushes through the opening, shoving aside both wizard and boy before either can react. Her eye-cones swivel wildly, taking in the myriad doors in the entrance hall, before she grabs the boy and hauls him to his feet. She opens her mouth in a soundless roar.

The boy pales, but remains in place. The wizard behind him scrambles to his feet.

"Ma'am, he can't hear you and he couldn't understand you if he could. Now please-"

The boy points to one of the doors. She shuffles through it at terrifying speed.

"Boy, do you have any idea what you just did?" the wizard says with a frown.

"He sent her to her child, dear," the other wizard says as he emerges. "We were about to do the same."

"Yes, but did he have any idea?"

The dads turn to the boy, who opens his mouth to speak and doesn't.

"Right," says the first wizard, snapping his fingers.

"-don'tknowhowbut-"

A guttural noise echoes from the open doorway. The wizard allows himself a brief moment to pinch the bridge of his nose, then sets off toward the sound at a run.

"Wait here, son," his husband says, clapping the boy on the shoulder and moving to follow.

"Do I have to?" asks the boy.

The man turns and eyes him appraisingly.

"I suppose not," he says before taking off at a sprint, the boy hurrying to follow.

---

None of them were sure what they expected to find when they arrived at the library, there hadn't exactly been time to speculate, but it definitely wasn't Ash and the larger horror swinging the smaller one back and forth while it burbled happily.

"Gauuuuu!"

"See? Still fun with just two of us right?"

"GUUUURGH."

"Alright, you heard mom, three more swings and then we- oh, hey guys!" Ash says cheerfully, carefully lowering the child to the ground. "Gaooo..."

"I know, but it's time for you to go home. You shouldn't even be here in the first place!"

"Gauuu?"

"Only if your mothers say you can. Now come on, she's been worried sick about you."

"Guoooo..."

"GROOOOOGH."

The mother scoops up the child and holds on tightly as Ash turns to face the bewildered arrivals.

"What on earth happened in here, young lady?" one of her fathers says.

"You mean you don't know?" Ash frowns. "I was hoping you'd be able to answer that for me."

"Now see here-"

"No, no, she's right," her other father says. "The house should have been warded against this sort of thing. Ash, dear, what were you doing when this little fellow appeared?"

"I was running Todd through the-"

"Todd, huh? You never did introduce us before."

"Dad-"

"Just don't turn him into a toad, alright?" her dad says with a wink. "Your father gave me no end of grief when-"

"DAD!"

The man chuckles, gesturing for her to continue while his husband sighs.

"Okay, so I was running Todd through the beginner's suite. We were up to the rock-"

"You're up to the rock already? Promising," her dad says, slapping Todd on the back so hard he stumbles forward. Ash glares at him. "Sorry, sorry, go on."

Ash clears her throat.

"We were up to the rock, but when he tried to summon it from the nearby table he got..."

Ashley gestures helplessly back at the mother and child, the former watching with increasing impatience barely tempered by curiosity.

"Which shouldn't have happened for a number of reasons, so-"

Her dad snaps his fingers.

"Did the young one seem scared?"

"Well, yeah, but we pulled him out of who knows where- well, I suppose the mother must- wait, where did she come from, anyway?"

Her dads look at each other silently for a few seconds, then a few seconds more.

Then a few seconds more.

"Ash, what do you think happens in the Man Cave?"

"Dad, if this is another one of your jokes about-"

"No jokes, Ash," her dad says seriously.

"...then...I don't know. You have a different story every week. I guess you're probably just...no, I really don't know," she finishes with a frown.

"It's the family trade, Ash. We offer a variety of goods and services from medical to recreational to folks from other dimensions. She," the wizard says, gesturing to the mother, who looks over briefly before returning to fussing over her child, "was here for a routine checkup; we sent her back home, she found one of her children missing, and she came right back to ask for our help finding him. Todd came to get us, mentioned the little fellow, pointed her in the right direction, and she took off right away."

There is silence for a few moments as Ash processes this, broken only by soft cooing sounds.

"...I have a few questions."

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Well, we figured when you were old enough-"

"Was it dangerous for me to know?" Ash said.

"We didn't want you looking into anything extraplanar before-"

"Was it?" she demanded, face flat.

"Yes," her other dad interjected. "Neither of us heard about interdimensional travel until we were well into our careers, and for good reason. The mere knowledge that it's possible has led many uneducated, unsupervised wizards to attempt the unwise; even tiny, seemingly safe, ostensibly observation only dimensional magics can fail in subtle yet catastrophic ways without an experienced practitioner on hand. Talking about it with the uninitiated is simply not done, and initiation doesn't happen until...later."

Ash frowns. "Cat's out of the bag now, isn't it?"

Her dads sigh.

"I suppose," one says. "We'll start tomorrow. Don't try anything, anything, for any reason, until then. Okay?"

Ash nods.

"Alright. Tomorrow."

A beat passes.

"How did the kid get here?"

"I am guessing through the 'tunnel' we used to send his mother back home," one of her dads says. "He must have been spooked by something and latched onto the rock summoning spell through it as a reflexive means of escape; it probably felt like mom and seemed similar to the escape route Spiny Watchers usually provide when their children are in danger."

"GRAAAAAAH."

"Yeah, she asked her kid and it seems like that lines up with what he told her."

A beat passes. Ash sighs.

"We'll talk about that more tomorrow, I guess.

Her dads nod.

"What about him?" she says, pointing at Todd. "He knows about all this now, right? Is that a problem?"

"He'll have to come tomorrow too, and every session after until we're satisfied he's not going to break reality."

"Thought you weren't apprenticing my boyfriends any more," Ash grumbles, but there's a hint of a smile underneath. Her father chuckles. Todd stands there awkwardly, trying to look confident.

"Last question: Why did Todd send her down here?"

Everyone turns to Todd, who shrugs.

"Didn't take a genius to figure out she was looking for her kid," he says.

"And you just sent her after Ash?" one of the wizards says with a frown.

Todd shrugs again. "If I didn't trust Ash, I wouldn't be letting her teach me about all this in the first place. Besides, you were treating the mother like a visitor, and she didn't hurt me. Figured she was safe and just worried out of her mind. Didn't seem right not to help."

The dads exchange a glance.

"Well," says one, "we're going to have a good, long talk about best practices when dealing with dimensional visitors."

Todd nods nervously.

"That said...in this case, you were right. Properly honed and backed with knowledge, that instinct will serve you well in this field."

"Er, I was planning on going into forestry..."

"Too bad," a dad says with a laugh.

Todd sighs.

"Well, if there are no more immediate questions then we'll all reconvene tomorrow. Our guests here have been waiting more than long enough."

"GRAAAAAAGH."

"You kids get back to the beginner's suite; Todd here will need a strong foundation sooner than we expected."

The pair of wizards and the pair of horrors file quickly out of the library, leaving the younger pair alone.

Ash turns to Todd.

"So, the rock should probably wait until they're done. Next is the feather..."

A girl and the guy she is dating just walked into her house and see her parents slinging spells at one another, smiling and cackling like madmen. "Are they fighting?" said the guy, hiding behind her. "Worse. It’s their anniversary, so this is them actually...flirting," she said, rolling her eyes.

[ravenclaw-for-all-seasons]

The Wedding Chronicles - Mattheo Riddle (4)

A/N: This is one of my personal favorites, just for the platonic sentimentality between Theo and Y/N…and it’s a super long one ❤️

Finding The Dress

As you and Mattheo continued basking in the moment, Pansy, ever the planner, clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Alright, lovebirds," she said, leaning in. "Since we finally have a date, we need to start looking at dresses. We should go to Hogsmeade this weekend—there's a boutique that carries gorgeous gowns. You need something breathtaking that will befit your new title as Mrs. Riddle."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Pansy, we literally just set the date two minutes ago."

"Exactly!" she said, smirking. "Which means we’re already behind schedule."

Enzo groaned dramatically. "Merlin, it's starting already."

Blaise chuckled. "You better get used to it. Pansy's not going to let this go."

Mattheo, still holding your hand, smirked at you. "You wanna go?"

You bit your lip, considering it. The idea of wedding dress shopping with Pansy—who would no doubt make a whole event of it—was actually exciting.

"Yeah," you said finally. "Let's do it."

Pansy beamed, looking triumphant. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun!"

That night, curled up in Mattheo’s arms, you found yourself thinking about the wedding plans. You knew Pansy would be by your side, but as you thought about the idea of dress shopping, something felt missing.

"Theo should come with us," you murmured suddenly.

Mattheo tilted his head, looking down at you. "To get your dress?"

You nodded. "My parents aren’t around, and Theo's basically my brother. I want him there."

Mattheo thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. He’ll love it—though he’ll probably pretend he’s miserable the whole time."

You grinned. "Exactly."

The next morning, you made your way to the common room with Mattheo to find Theo lounging on the sofa, Enzo beside him. Pansy was perched on the armrest, flipping through a magazine.

"Oi, Theo," you called, making your way over.

He glanced up, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"You’re coming dress shopping with me and Pansy this weekend."

Theo blinked. "I’m what?"

"You heard her," Mattheo said, smirking as he sat down. "She wants you there."

Theo scoffed, looking at you like you’d lost your mind. "Why would I—" He stopped himself, sighing. "Fine. But if I have to sit through hours of you trying on white dresses, I expect full control over the firewhiskey at your wedding."

"Deal," you said, grinning.

Pansy clapped her hands together. "Oh! And while we’re talking wedding stuff—" She turned to you, about to launch into another review of her mental checklist.

You smiled, interrupting her. "Pans, will you be my bridesmaid?"

Pansy let out a dramatic gasp before throwing her arms around you. "Obviously! Oh, this is going to be perfect."

Mattheo took that as his cue to turn to Theo and Enzo. "And while we’re at it—I want you two to be my best men."

Theo and Enzo exchanged a look before grinning.

"Like you even had a choice," Enzo joked.

"You two idiots are the best I’ve got," Mattheo said dryly.

"You wound me," Draco said from the corner, smirking.

Mattheo rolled his eyes. "You and Blaise are my groomsmen, obviously."

Draco gave a pleased nod while Blaise smirked.

"Well, looks like we’ve got our wedding party," Pansy said, grinning. "Now, let’s get planning."

Mattheo groaned. "Merlin help us."

As you all arrived in Hogsmeade, the crisp autumn air filled the streets, the scent of butterbeer and fresh parchment lingering from the nearby shops. Mattheo wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close before you could disappear with Pansy and Theo.

“I called ahead to the dress shop,” he murmured, brushing a kiss against your temple. “They have access to my vault, so don’t even think about the price. Just pick whatever you love.”

Your mouth fell open slightly. “Mattheo, I—”

He gave you a firm look, the kind that left no room for argument. “I want you to have the best.”

Before you could respond, Enzo let out a loud whoop from behind him. “This is fantastic! We love a wealthy and devoted fiancé.”

Draco smirked. “No surprise there. Riddle's always been completely whipped for her.”

Mattheo shot them both a glare, but you could feel the warmth of his palm against your back, the way his fingers traced small circles against your coat.

Enzo wasn’t done. “Tell me, mate, does she have unlimited access to all your vaults? Because if so, I’m considering marrying you myself.”

Mattheo groaned, rolling his eyes, while Theo just smirked beside you. “You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t hex you before this trip is over.”

You shook your head, biting back a smile. “Alright, enough. You lot go drink yourselves stupid at the Three Broomsticks, and I’ll find something I actually like while you all get progressively worse at holding your liquor.”

Pansy looped her arm through yours, grinning. “Now that is a plan.”

Mattheo sighed, pressing one last kiss to your lips before reluctantly letting you go. “Don’t be too long, I miss you already.”

“Go drink your firewhiskey and let me shop in peace,” you teased, nudging him toward the others.

Enzo grinned. “Oh don’t worry, we’ll be raising a glass to the future Mrs. Riddle all afternoon.”

You rolled your eyes as the boys headed off, laughing amongst themselves, before turning toward the dress shop with Pansy and Theo at your side.

The bell chimed softly as you stepped inside, the room filled with rows of elegant gowns, shimmering in candlelight. Immediately the witch in charge set her enchanted tape measure on you to take your measurements and dresses were being pulled out for you to try.

As you disappeared into the changing area with the assistant, Pansy turned to Theo, crossing her arms with a pointed look.

“Listen up, Nott,” she said. “She values your opinion more than anyone’s—probably even more than Mattheo’s—so you better not be your usual broody, sarcastic self when she comes out.”

Theo raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “You’re asking me to be peppy and upbeat?”

“Yes.” Pansy nodded firmly. “I know it’s not in your nature, but for today, pretend. She thinks of you like a brother, and if you roll your eyes or make some dry remark about wedding dresses, she’ll take it seriously.”

Theo sighed dramatically, dragging a hand through his hair. “Fine. But if I die of forced enthusiasm, make sure Mattheo puts ‘Killed by Pansy Parkinson’s demands’ on my tombstone.”

Pansy smirked. “Deal. Now get ready to gush over some dresses.”

Theo shook his head, muttering to himself, but when the assistant pulled back the curtain and you stepped out in the first dress, he straightened up immediately.

And to both your and Pansy’s surprise, he actually looked… impressed.

Pansy’s eyes lit up as she took you in. “Wow, you look stunning,” she admitted, tilting her head. “It really shows off your figure.”

Theo, sitting with one ankle resting on his opposite knee, gave a slow nod of approval. “Yeah, you look good,” he said simply. “But…”

You raised an eyebrow. “But?”

Pansy sighed, glancing at Theo before turning back to you. “It’s gorgeous, but I feel like something more classic might suit you better. Something timeless.”

Theo shrugged. “Agreed. This is hot, but I can’t picture you walking down the aisle in it. You need something that screams wealth.”

You laughed at his bluntness, smoothing your hands down the fabric. “Fair enough. Let’s try another.”

After a few more dresses that were all missing that certain something, the assistant brought the final dress over with a quiet flourish, a soft smile on her face. She knew she had something special. The ballgown was stunning—almost otherworldly. The dress exuded elegance, with a fitted bodice that flared dramatically into a voluminous skirt. The intricate lace details on the sleeves and the soft satin sheen of the fabric shimmered slightly in the light.

The assistant delicately placed a tiara atop your head and draped a veil over your face, completing the regal look. As she stepped back, you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of it all, the significance of the moment settling in.

You walked out, your heart racing with excitement.

Pansy’s eyes went wide as she gasped, clapping her hands dramatically. “Oh my god, this is it! You look like a princess.” She was practically bouncing on her heels, her face lighting up with pure joy. “This is the dress! It’s so you!” Her voice carried the enthusiasm and flair you had come to expect from her, but this time it was even more genuine.

You smiled, your heart swelling, but as you looked to Theo, you saw something different. He was staring at you with a soft, emotional expression, his usual teasing grin replaced by something more meaningful. Without a word, he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

“You look amazing,” he said, his voice unusually soft. “Absolutely perfect.”

You pulled back slightly, your hands resting on his arms. “Theo…” you started, the words coming out slower than you expected. You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Would you... would you walk me down the aisle?”

Theo froze for a moment, his eyes widening in surprise. You could see the emotion flicker across his face before it softened into something warm. His smile became gentle, and he gave a small nod, his voice quiet but filled with sincerity.

“Of course I will,” he said, his words steady and heartfelt. “I’d be honored.” You gave him a grateful smile, and he squeezed your hand, looking at you like the big brother he had always been to you.

The moment was interrupted by the theatrical shrieks still coming from Pansy as she took you in. “Mattheo is going to die when he sees you in this on your wedding day,” she exclaimed, her voice filled with playful theatrics. “I mean, seriously, he won’t even know what hit him. This dress is perfect for you, and he’s going to be speechless. I might need to brace myself for the sheer shock on his face.”

Theo, ever the calming force but still smiling, leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “I have to agree with her,” he said, his voice steady but amused. “When he sees you, all I can say is—good luck, Mattheo.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at their over-the-top reactions, the warmth of their friendship making everything feel more real and exciting. You spun once more in the dress, admiring the way it made you feel confident and beautiful. This was the one.

[rook-specter]

Ranking Voices and Vessels (and also the Narrator) on how good they'd do as a coworker

Explanation under cut

S Tier:

Damsel: I think she could do very well with the tasks if that makes you like her more, which is pretty sad, but she gets the job done. She's also really good with customer service! I mean, you get her from the "gentle" princess, so why wouldn't she be good with customers?

Hero: he's like a real breath of fresh air compared to the others on this list. like, he's good with tasks, he's good with customer service, and if some crazy shit is happening, you know that Hero shares your disbelief.

Spectre: even though she's dead, she's literally one of the nicest vessels, and I think she's pretty good at tasks as well. I have a feeling she's able to Ghost Trick (/ref) her way into doing whatever task is needed. also, she's good with customer service! even the angriest of customers are amicable with Spectre, because even though she may be annoyed with the customer, she's courteous enough to calm down their rage.

Thorn: she's got a lot of guilt and regret from when she was Witch, and I think she could show that she's changed by having a job at a grocery store or whatever. she does well with tasks, and oddly enough, the customers like her. so yeah!

Stranger: so, Stranger is a bunch of Princesses mashed into one, due to mind-perception shenanigans and the fact that we never really got to meet her in the first cycle and only saw an infinite amount of cabins, but I feel like she could use the amount of Princesses inside of her to give you whatever you want out of a coworker. if you want some kind encouragement, she's got your back! if you want some tough love, she's got your back!

A Tier:

Prisoner: she's mostly standard as a coworker. she gets tasks done well, and despite her deadpan attitude and monotone voice, she does well with customers as well. she's also one of those workers that is patient with customers, but if she's pushed to the edge, she won't take any bullshit.

Skeptic: I took a food handling class, so I kinda wanna implement that into why I think Skeptic is a pretty good coworker. Skeptic is very analytical, and is always seeing the flaws in things, so I think he'd be good at finding food hazards like cross-contamination and unwanted chemicals in the food. he'd also be rather good with customer service, though I feel like he'd judge people for what they bought. not in a JUDGING way, but he'd be pretty skeptical about whatever they bought and the fact that they don't seem like the type to buy something like that. but all in all, he's pretty good.

Cold: in my opinion, low empathy doesn't make you any less of a good coworker. I'd say that Cold will do whatever it takes to get the tasks done, without a second thought, and though customers might see him as unsettling, they don't really have a problem with him.

Stubborn: his vigor and zeal would make him a really great manager. he'd tell me that even though we're working at a grocery store or whatever, he's still fighting on my side. however, I think that he'd be... a bit too much. I tiredly get to work, and Stubborn's like "Chop chop, let's go, let's go! We've got work to do!" and it would wake me up, but it would be. quite a lot. he needs to simmer down

Paranoid: Paranoid's very observant, and even though that observing mostly consists of watching out for threats, I'd say that it also helps out with tasks as well, and he could be with Skeptic in the "looks out for food hazards club". and with customers, he doesn't trust the customers that come in, but that doesn't mean he won't mask his fear in front of them. he just needs a little bit of that "heart, lungs, liver, nerves" and he'll be mostly fine with customer service

Contrarian: first of all, he's a personality hire. he's not very good with math, and he doesn't really learn that easily, he'll mess up tasks on purpose, and if given a knife, he will throw it out a window, but with customers? he's oddly pretty good! he's a silly little guy! customers weirdly love him! even though he might take a very winded route with a lot of loopty-loops to get an item that a customer needs. but as long as he's good with the customers, that doesn't matter!

Adversary: another personality hire, but unlike Contra, she just doesn't really have a grasp on how to do the tasks assigned, and she's a pretty slow learner as well, but she knows how to stand her ground when it comes to customers! her booming voice is able to get customers excited. she's got an infectious energy. and she's like Prisoner where she's able to stay invigorated when it comes to customers, but she doesn't take any shit from any mean-spirited customers.

B Tier:

Fury: considering the personality switch given (only counting when Cold or Broken are involved cuz they're the ones that help her), I'd say at first, she'd be like "I can unwind you into the shape of a shoe. Do you really think you're above me?" and I'm like "no, not at all! this isn't a superiority-inferiority thing, I'm just aware that you don't really know the ins and outs of working here, and I'm just trying to teach you how to use a cash register!" and then a few days later she'll come to me and say "Listen. I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. I'm just... severely troubled, and I took it out on a bird man, and I unwound him in various different ways. I think I'll be fine working here now." and I'd be worried about the unwinding part but for the most part I'll accept the apology. also, I think that even taking the personality shift into account, Fury has zero social skills, so she might screw up a few times when it comes to customer service, but otherwise, she's fine now

Cheated: Cheated is probably the most efficient of the voices, wanting to get things done quickly, and I admire that work ethic, but he also gets very upset when he's screwed over by things he can't control, so if a customer is fairly mean to him, he'll just snap back at the customer, which really shouldn't happen all the time.

Broken: explaining what Broken is like as a coworker is pretty hard. he's pretty unmotivated due to his... sadness, but if I'm able to get him to believe I'm above him (which I don't think should be needed but whatever) he definitely could get the tasks done. he's also very willing to submit to angry customers, to the point that it's concerning. if a customer comes up to him and is even the slightest bit upset, Broken would just submit to them, and admit that he's wrong, and whatever stuff, and that makes the customer uncomfortable. it's not a fireable offense, but it's something that HR will have to speak to him about.

Hunted: Hunted's got a lot of animal in him. I'd say that he's a quick learner when it comes to tasks, but when it comes to customers, if any customer is ever so slightly upset with him, he'll hide away like a prey animal. HR's gotta have a word with him about that.

Princess: her personality is based around how you perceive her, so having her as a coworker is a bit of a tossup. if you perceive her to be a good coworker, she'll be a good coworker. if you perceive her to be a bad coworker, she'll be a bad coworker. that's why I put her in the middle of the road.

C Tier:

Beast: bitch, that's a talking animal. but as a coworker, she'd. be a lot. I'd say that she's a quick learner like Hunted, but with customer service? ehhh, she'll definitely say some crazy cannibalism shit, which. is definitely worrying.

The Greys: I believe that they only have a grudge on one person (that being the LQ) but it's hard to say what they'd be like as coworkers, considering that there's not a lot going for them, but their appearances are enough to scare customers, so that's why they're there.

Opportunist: this guy wants to screw you over, but also has no spine. he'll try to shirk his work, but when somebody tells him to work, he'll be like "Okay!" and work as if he wants to. and do I even need to tell you about how he is with customers? he would definitely get on the customers' nerves. it's not fireable, but he's pretty bad.

Witch: THIS slimeball of a catgirl will comply with getting work done, but then do the bare minimum, or not do all of it, leaving some poor sap to do the rest instead. and with customers, the customers definitely feel like something is off with her. sketchy.

Narrator: the Narrator is ALSO a huge slimeball, but not only that, he's also a huge jackass! he may seem unassuming, but trust me, he's an absolute asshole, and I don't want him working at my grocery store.

D Tier:

Eye of the Needle: I barely need to explain anything with these guys. Needle would get fired on day one for physically assaulting a customer.

Nightmare: she doesn't give a crap about doing the tasks, and with customers, she's absolutely unhelpful. I just want my pistachios, man.

Smitten: if you don't understand why he's here, have you even SEEN the Happily Ever After route? he gets fired on day one for sexual harassment.

Razor: OUGGHH another obvious one. she not only gets fired on the first day for killing a man, she also gets sent to jail.

Wraith: do I even need to explain this one just look at her

Disqualified:

Dagger: that's an inanimate object

Den: that's literally just an animal

Wild: literally how

Shifting Mound: too big

Apotheosis: too big

Tower: too big

[madebyrolo]

𝘔𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘰𝘺

Jj Maybank x reader

she/her

Dating jj has its up and downs. Growing up with an abusive father and no mother figure had him feeling alone, never feeling comfortable or lovable. Once he meets y/n his walls slowly start to come down but it takes awhile for him to accept he matters.

Obx masterlist

⋆｡⋆｡° 𓆉*ੈ‧₊˚ ༘⋆

As y/n laid with Jj in the hamock of John Bs. chateau, Jj stared at her in awe. Taking in every inch of her. If you were to put a 13 year old boy right beside him you wouldn't know which was which.

He didn't have much but one thing he did have was you, and it was worth more than anything in the world.

Call him a kook because he was rich in love.

He was happy. You were by far the best person he’s ever met on Kildare island, though don’t tell John B that.

══════════════════════

Y/n and Jj limbs were tangled in the hammock

They have been laying together almost all afternoon, you would be surprised that Jj hasn’t taken a nap yet.

You guys were talking the day away, like how you were able to score more hours at the small boutique you worked at. How Jj almost convinced a kooks dog to go home with him (thankfully he called you to show the cute little guy and you were table to talk some sense into him.)

But mainly it was you doing the talking, Jj just watched and listened. But he was fine with that.

He watched you in awe, with love and lust filmed eyes

He knew your face too well. Every emotion, muscle movement, the “imperfections”. He practically studied it and Jj doesn’t even own a single book.

He knew the way your eyes lit up when you would get happy or excited. How your brows scrunched when you were confused. The bite marks on your lips when you would get confused.

You would tell Jj everything and anything

Telling the blonde every small little details about your day knowing Jj didnt have to know how long it took the duck to cross the street.

The way you couldn’t tell a story without forgetting a small detail and making it 10x more longer than it needed to be.

The way your tounge would slip and stuttered on words.

He just always looked at you with stars in his eyes.

As you continued to talk you mention about your encounter at the gas station earlier today.

“So after I dropped off my brother at practice I stopped to get gas, I just hate how he has to be good enough for a team all the way on Figure 8.” You huff

“The funny thing is that when I was filling up this dude pulled up with his truck right beside me.”

Jj immediately perked up.

“He was talking to me, making convo for some reason. It wasn’t too bad I guess he was nice, but then started making some flirty comments. He was trying to hint on taking me on a date but thankfully my tank filled up right on time.” You told Jj

“Oh um I bet that was uncomfortable for you I’m sorry.” He said as he was more uncomfortable with it.

“It wasn’t bad. He was nice with it unlike the others just straight up being douchebags” you rolled your eyes.

“He even offered to pay my gas but I wouldn’t let him. I should’ve tho it was like $80 bucks”’ you smile to yourself trying to make heart of the situation

“Did you get his name?” Jj asked starting to feel a bit queezy.

“Jj it doesn’t matter anyways. I don’t want you to get into fights, you know I hate it.” You knew what would happen if Jj were to find out

“Yea whatever come on tell me who it is. We’re supposed to tell each other everything yeah ?” He moved your chin to look at him, with his brow cocking

“Ugh fine. But don’t go starting something okay?” You said trying to plead with him

“it was topper” you say lowly

Just by hearing the first syllable he immediately started fuming

“Topper!? Really ? Oh my god that man has balls” he said removing you from him

“Jj please dont-” you winced

“he knows we’re together why would he even try it?” He said getting defensive

“His whole friend group is quite literally obsessed with us, he would’ve, should’ve know we are together? This wouldn’t even be his first time hitting on you, and yet still getting rejected!” the blonde chuckled while putting his shoes on

“He’s been trying even before we got together, hasn’t he gotten a clue?” Jj now walking out the hammock

“Jj where are you going ?” You complained

“Look we’re pouges? He clearly knows that. He hates us for god sakes. He a kook, why would they go after pouge, let alone one they hate. Are they bored with what they have? ‘anything they want yet, crave what’s not theirs.” jj said clearly angry and jealous.

You saw him headed towards the woods.

“Jj please dont go” you said attempting to get out the hammock without rolling off.

“Topper, the kooks in general, they don’t matter to us. They shouldn’t” you raised your voice as the boy disappeared in the trees.

Y/n finally gets out, she puts her shoes on trying to follow the boy she lost vision of.

As she followed the trail she ended up in deep in the middle of the woods but no sign of Jj.

She kept walking hoping to find him somewhere, it wasn’t hard to hide but how far can he go? She continued walking getting closer to the edge of the island near the bay.

After 10 minutes of walking though twigs and hopefully not poison ivy, she found him.

He was sitting on a small abandoned old boat, covered in grime on the outside but perfectly clean on the inside with blankets. Now knowing he’s been here before.

“Hey Jay” you said walking up to him. He was laying on the floor of the boat with his vape on his chest.

He didn’t say anything, he just gave a nod and just stared at the sky. Clearly lost in thoughts, sadness lingering his eyes.

“Jj please. Whats wrong ? Talk to me.” you asked

You joined him in the boat, sitting beside him. You placed your hand on his head, stroking his blonde locks.

He didn’t budge, just laid there hopelessly. She gave him a couple of minutes to wind down before she asked anything.

“Jj we promised to tell eachother everything.” You pleaded with the boy grabbing his hands tangling your fingers putting them into your lap.

“I just find it funny that they want everything. Even when it’s not theirs.” He said with his jaw locking.

“They claim to hate us pouges. Treat us like scum, yet they are so obsessed with you. I don’t get it?” He said with a breathily laugh

“Make it make sense am I right?” He tried to mask he sadness with humor like always does.

“Jj they’re kooks, they’re hungry for anything they can put their hands on.” You said trying to ease him

“It doesn’t matter-”

“but it does ! It matters y/n?!” He raised his voice.

Jj sits ups

“They absolutely hate us, especially me and John B. I don’t know if them flirting with you is just to get me but if it is, it’s working.”

“Jj you know I would never, ever leave you. Not for money, not for looks, not for anything.” Now you grab his heading turning it to you.

“I love you Jj. I would never let anything or anyone come between us, and I know you wouldn’t too.”

He searched your eyes looking to see if you were just saying that to shut him up or telling the truth.

And you were.

but he just couldn’t bare the fact that other people had eyes on you. On His girl.

Jj loved you. He made sure to tell you every second he could.

He was greatful to have you in his life.

He felt like he was in denial or living in his dreams knowing that you wait for me just outside of his sleep.

Just trying to understand his fucked up life.

He didn't have much but he had you.

He was happy for a spilt second. He believed you. You loved him and he loved you. Everyone saw it.

John B and Sarah were sick of how in love you guys were, and they were engaged.

Thoughts now lingering in his head what he would ever do if he lost you.

Knowing you had the eyes of everyone including kooks on you.

You reassured him everytime something bother him.

He knows how easy it is for people to leave him.

But it ripped his soul out knowing you could leave him. That it was an option.

He knew topper, and hell even Rafe had eyes at one point had eyes on her. On his Y/n.

They were rich, smart, handsome, confident, even going to church every Sunday. The “safe”option.

They were everything he wasn’t.

“Can’t even blame him” jj said putting his head down, whipping his mouth with his tounge sticking his cheek.

“What? Jj what do you mean?” you ask him

“Look at you y/n…” he started

“You’re so smart, you’re like at the top of our class. So nice it’s literally giving me a sweet tooth just sitting here. You’re just so perfect.”

“You help take care of your brother when your mom either works days shifts so she’s home when you guys are. You literally volunteer anytime you can. You can get a paycheck but you don’t care about the money when you know how much it can help others. You are the most kind hearted person I know, you don’t take anyone’s shit. You stand up for yourself, I even saw you smack John b for making a joke about Sarah his own girlfriend .”

“Fiancé, She’s still a human, fucking or not it was disrespectful.”

“You aren’t like me. You’re loving and caring, you spend your time helping others. I just can’t understand how you can even consider me the person you love.”

“Jj i don’t believe any of the stuff-”

“Why me? Am I just a charity cost? A bet between you and topper who is just teasing me, or-“

“Jj enough! I’m not going to sit here and hear you talk so terribly about yourself !”

“You may not think you’re a good guy but I see it everyday! When my car breaks down you fix it, when I need help with my brother you come swooping in. When I’m sick you’re immediately at my door step with snacks and medicine. Hell you even made me the most delicious homemade soup and we all know you can’t cook for shit. You pick me up,offer me rides, watch movies I know you hate.” You give him a soft smile just adoring the boy

“And you love me. I hate to admit but I was jealous of all the hooks up before me” you say embarrassed

“But I know how hard it is for you to open up and just to let people in. I know how hard it is for you to trust anyone and yet you gave me the chance”

Jj now looks at you with guilt in his eyes

“We may not give each other silver jewelry, but you gave me your heart. That’s worth more than anything in the world.” You caress his face

“I love you Jj, I mean it. I wouldn’t mind being stuck with you forever” you joke

“I didn’t mean to make you upset, I just want to make sure you’re happy with, or without me. I love you i truly do. I just have a hard time accepting it.”

“It’s okay. I just don’t need you changing up on me. Just remember that you can always talk to me” you push his hair out his face.

“What if I were to change your last name” he smirks looking down at your lips

“See, there’s the Jj I know.” You were relieved that he was happy again

“I’m sorry for making you think we weren’t okay. I just can’t help that -”

“That you were talking nonsense? That you equally obsessed with me as them, what if you guys are in love with each other and I’m the joke?” You joke with him

“Please, he would be lucky to to get with me” Jj says grabbing your hands

“Guess im the luckiest of them all huh?” You look down at his lips

“Just like a beautiful boy with Steve Carrel” Jj joked making a reference from when you made him watch the film.

“My beautiful boy.” you say leaning in for a kiss

But before Jj could connect your lips he backs up.

“Wait you never answered me. What if I were to give you the title of Mrs.Maybank ” He smiled

“Doesn’t sound too bad” you said leaning back in

“Might have to do. I like it a lot.” you smile

“Good because you didn’t have a choice either way….”

═════════════════════

Ahh sorry for being not posting anything in months !!

Haven’t had any motivation or ideas but here’s a cute little Jj Maybank story :)

[chukisser]

personally if someone isn't distressed entirely by their disorder, its not my problem.

which, yeah, is entirely hypocritical, in a way, considered ive said the complete opposite on a past account, and it does make me incredibly jealous to see people live with dissociative disorders and still be happy; but it's not truly my problem in the grand scheme of things.

my own personal experience is that i find absolutely zero joy in any part of DID. most of our alters hate each other, our dissociation causes migraines so bad we pass out, not to mention the seizures, and also the fainting, and the loss of time, and the fact i dont know my own name 90% of the time, and the flashbacks, oh my god don't even get me started on the flashbacks. literally everything about this disorder makes me want to jump into an ocean.

BUT; that doesn't mean people who are able to find joy in their life while living with a disorder, or people who aren't distressed by having certain aspects of it, are faking, or they're mistaking DID/OSDD for something else, or whatever.

something else i have is ADHD. i was diagnosed when i was about eleven and put on adderall. i admit, my ADHD really does ruin aspects of my life, especially in social and educational spaces, but there's a very few little things in there that i think are kinda rad. one of those being i am INCREDIBLY passionate about my interests due to ADHD, one of the things i love the most about myself is my passion about the things i love. i could rant for hours about banana fish, minecraft youtube, genshin, psychology, project sekai, literally any of my interests; and that passion, i feel, comes almost entirely from my ADHD. does this mean that I don't have ADHD anymore because I'm not distressed by one thing? no. the same goes for any disorder.

people are allowed to not be distressed by aspects of a disorder. that is, quite literally, a part of recovery, especially with disorders like OSDD/DID.

there's people like me, who are hurting constantly and just aren't in the right space to make recovery, therefore they are distressed by every aspect of their dissociative disorder. but there's also people that aren't like me, that have been able to truly figure things out and learn to manage their dissociative disorder and find the best in their living situation. and that's fine.

a lot of these posts about "you need to be distressed by all aspects of DID/OSDD to have it" come from hurt people. and that's fine; you can ask anyone in syscourse and they'll be able to tell you about the shitty and insane things ive said to people because of my own unstable, unhealed mind. it's alright to say bad things sometimes; nobody is truly 100% right all the time. but, know that one day, all of us will (hopefully) be those systems who are able to find some sort of happiness and contentment in our disorder. or, non-disorder, if you don't use the label of DID/OSDD. whatever you're fine with :-)

[ofpd]

i wanna change my icon hmm

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

Saw a post of someone saying pink is married to every color and it was a bunch of images of the color pink and how nicely it looks and compliments all the other colors and maybe that's why I have so many F/Os maybe I'm just the color pink

[rogloptimist]

demi/puck at wc but like. specter of lotte right

[artificer-real]

ive started to really despise self help posts because all they do for me is illustrate just how apparently fucked i am compared to most other people

[poppyseed799]

btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.

[largetriangles]

Stayed up too late and now I’m scared

[connormoving]

rearranged my room a bit to hoooopefully help.my heater be more effective

[aromanticasterisms]

emilie is sooo flower based omg. she was made for me

[fappellmoan]

me rn 😔 or ig like half an hour ago..