#I’d say I’m sorry for ranting but fuck man I’m just so tired

[bromcommie]

(Look, I can’t even do the whole “list of sources” thing anymore. I’ve been livid for 10 hours now. I just need to vent.)

In addition to inciting fear and hiking up tensions in the past few weeks, organizing various paid goons to play at a counter-protest and to threaten students, blocking intercity and city public transport and rolling out special police forces and armored vehicles, last night in Belgrade the absolute cowards constituting the Serbian leadership apparently ordered the use of what seems to be a sound cannon on hundreds of thousands of people, in order to interrupt and break up an ENTIRELY SILENT, PEACEFUL 15-minute vigil. A vigil for victims of an “accident” that same leadership is still refusing to take any accountability for, systemically or individually, 4+ months later.

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No incidents preceded this, by the way. This wasn’t a riot. Not that it should matter, since these tactics are never implemented to protect anyone anyway, but I feel compelled to say that. There was zero “justifiable cause”. There weren’t even any uniformed police in that area that anyone could see.

People were rightfully terrified because a) this has never happened before so they legitimately didn’t know if there’s something crashing down on their heads (which is how we got here in the first fucking place, isn’t it) or a bomb going off or what, and b) there was absolutely ZERO reason to expect it to happen then, other than the government getting pissy and taking issue with 300,000+ (at the most rigid estimate) people coming to protest peacefully.

And to be perfectly clear, I don’t think using an LRAD in this way is EVER justifiable, considering it’s almost guaranteed to cause mass injury as a result of stampedes as well as possibly hearing damage—but the sheer pathetic spinelessness of using it out of nowhere on a bunch of people, including the elderly and babies in fucking strollers, who are literally just standing still and silent for fifteen minutes to honor and grieve a deeply traumatic national tragedy is just…heinous.

As of right now I’m not sure how many people got hurt (in this incident as well as the subsequent physical attacks on the students from “random” hooligans and clashes with the cops) but I know it’s one too many, and there’s civil rights orgs offering free legal support to those who did.

And here’s the punchline: after all that, the fucking police had the gall to issue a statement saying “this wasn’t us, the use of sound cannons is illegal in Serbia.”

Oh, really? Who or what was it then, do you think? Maybe a particularly loud bicycle horn sent all those people ducking for cover? Somebody’s kid brother pulling out a portable speaker for shits and giggles? Or are you implying that somehow, some 19-yearold who’s studying film and works at the local coffeeshop or whatever is ordering American-grade sonic weapons off of Temu to use for the students’ nefarious government-toppling schemes?

“It wasn’t us, that’d be illegal 🥺” Give me a fucking break.

And maybe the question we should be asking is, “how in the world did we get to a point where the regime can afford to be so transparent? As if it’s normal for the police to even deny something like this. As if the alternative—which would be that we simply have rogue off-label weapons floating around, I guess, which are being used illegally on thousands of members of the public by some unknown force that the cops can supposedly neither predict nor control—even if it were true, is somehow fine and doesn’t make the govt look even more inept and culpable?”

I mean. I know how we got here. It’s painfully goddamn obvious how, and I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but Jesus Christ. Clown fucking state.

[iamthetruestrepairman]

I wish I just knew when/if I did something wrong

[bigfatbimbo]

holyyyy shitttt I’ve never run into a writing blog I agree with so much! refusal to write dom!male characters? you’re speaking my language here, seriously! the sub bill fic/concept was so godly too actually what the fuck?????

despite that — I actually came here to speak about Stanford lol. I’d just be so curious to hear any thoughts you have on sub! ford really, whether hcs, a drabble, or just you going on a general little rant over how you think he’d be like. sorry if this is too vague!!!

a/n — anon, your so real!! I literally cannot write dom!male characters without getting icked out — also i’m glad you liked the bill fic!

warnings — dom!reader, sub!ford, gender-neutral reader, mentions of various kinks

summary — [SMUT] headcanons of reader and sub!Ford

ᯓ★ I genuinely do not know why people would be think this man doms, he is such a bottom.

ᯓ★ He has very little experience, maybe he got lucky at a party in college or met a hot alien during his time in the portal, but he might as well be a virgin.

ᯓ★ He’d probably be very nervous your first time together, fumbling taking his clothes off, not knowing where to start.

ᯓ★ His confidence has come along way but he’s still a nerd at heart, and he’d get flustered so easily.

ᯓ★ His praise kink would be so unmatched.

ᯓ★ Call him good and smart while talking him through it, he deals with so many high tension situations, he’d love you to be soft with him.

ᯓ★ “Pretty boy” would ruin him. After being bullied for being a freak all his life, even if he is genuinely over it now, it’s still be jarring to be praised for his looks.

ᯓ★ He would literally feel such a relief when you tell him you’d be leading, like “ah, yes. perhaps that’s.. a good idea.”

ᯓ★ Ford is probably immensely touch-starved after everything he’s been through. He’d want you to touch him literally everywhere.

ᯓ★ He would probably be pretty vanilla, anything to crazy would freak him out.

ᯓ★ Not a fan of degradation, where is the pleasure in being openly mocked by a loved one?

ᯓ★ After a little bit, he would probably feel bad for making you do all the work, so he’d try to do things for you to make it up to you.

ᯓ★ However, only to realize he wants constant reassurance while doing that too. Even when he’s fingering you and treating you nice, a ‘good boy’ every now and then would make him fold.

ᯓ★ And it’s probably always deserved too.. He’s a genius and a scientist, it’s not crazy to say he knows a thing or two about anatomy. Things to enhance your pleasure.

ᯓ★ Would love pegging, probably already knows about it, but you’d still have to ask first. And even then he’d be incredibly nervous and not masking it well.

ᯓ★ Probably cannot go for a long time or do that many rounds. Look, he’s old… I don’t know what you people expect when you’re into a 60+ year old man.

ᯓ★ Will always help out during aftercare no matter how tired out he is. Even if you insist he rest, he’ll still get you glass of water at the very least.

[easypeasylindyvesey]

self-indulgent rant below the cut:

has this team won 3 games in a row yet this season? by the looks of how they’re playing today, obviously not.

first & foremost, the defense is atrocious, even with key out of the lineup. four out of the six are either -1 (schneids & lindy) or -3 (jonesy & foxy) through 40 minutes.

EVERY SINGLE FORWARD has a -1 EXCEPT the third line (cuylle, chytil, kakko). that just goes to show they are the only ones playing consistently. i give them all my flowers.

the top 6 and bottom 6 need to be switched. top 6 have been fucking invisible this entire game so far. but guess what?

lavi’s STILL gonna keep this lineup for tomorrow at st. louis, and nashville, and dallas…yeah, you get where i’m going with this.

honestly, i’m tired of him trying to defend them for the mistakes they make. i’m not saying you can’t have an off game, but when the team chemistry has literally hit rock bottom, there’s zero chance for redemption. that’s if the players wanna try.

hold them accountable, and let them sit for one game. they’re grown men. they’re not gonna throw a fit. try stepping in jimmy & jonny’s shoes right now. they could so easily help this team out, but once again, they’re wasting their time even hanging out in the locker room, waiting for the game to end. it’s brutal, and call me cuckoo, but it can definitely be seen as biased in terms of lines. fourth liners don’t play much, but yet they’ll sit.

the inconsistency is incredibly alarming & deeply concerning. i know it’s only december, but they’re still trying to figure out what kind of team they want to be, and we’re beyond past that.

there are 7 games left after today, 6 of which are against really good teams (sorry nashville. you’re the odd man out for, well, obvious reasons). i’d love if they could end the year on a good note, because as i always say, they’re too good of a team to be performing like shit.

and we all know damn well lavi’s not gonna change anything. i don’t wanna put it all on him, because i would say 90% of it is on the players, but you gotta direct it toward the coach sometimes too, especially if they’re not willing to adjust anything to their team’s (potential) benefit.

i’m frustrated, just as much as all of you are, and believe me, i KNOW they will turn around. it’s just a matter of when, and if there will be anyone that takes some sort of responsibility.

[daengtokki]

Your story is like the first one I’ve been so deeply captivated by when it comes to serial killer shit, like I can’t explain it. Sure I’ve read yandares and silly ghost face skz story’s, but this one made me feel…disgusted? Like I’ve never had a fictional story about skz make me feel so grossed out. I don’t want you to take it as a negative thing, and if you do i apologize 🩷

I’ve read sooooo many fics through three years and I was a little bit skeptical when I first read the “serial killer! Seungmin” but I’m glad I kept reading cause I’m so excited for the next part.

What I meant by the “it grossed me out” part, is the scene where he killed the man? I don’t know why but I dead ass almost threw up, might be cause I’m sick and the only thing I’ve been consuming are medications. But holy fuck dude, I had to step away😭

Also!! I got so, frustrated? And confused? When she DIDNT LEAVE THE COUNTRY!? A MAN JUST KILLED YOU FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND YOURE OVER HERE KISSING HIS LIPS AND WHAT NOT.

But I think that’s what makes a story good! The minute a fic I’m reading is making me feel some kind of emotions, better bet I’m reading until the fkn end.

Anyway, pardon my rant, and again I really hope you don’t take it as offensive, but if you do I’d totally get it tbh.

Stay safe and healthy! Lots of love🩷🌺

Sorry I took so long responding, but I really had to gather my thoughts for this one. Apologies for it being so long and for me basically taking an opportunity to unload.

All of the "negative" parts popped out because I was so tired and out of it. And I was like “oh no please don’t hate please don’t hate the story” 😭 ㅋㅋ ㅋ I'm out of it today, too, so hopefully I type this up properly.

But I don’t take your comments negatively! My job as a writer is to make you feel all of the emotions my characters are dealing with.

So thank you for taking the time to write all of this out! Seriously. I'm a little floored anyone (this goes for everyone who has sent a message or left a long comment about the fic) has been reading thoughtfully enough to catch everything l've been putting into the story. We’ll be getting more into readers fucked up head very soon, since you mentioned that!

I’m glad these not so pretty parts have gotten a reaction out of you, because I’ll take that as me writing the scenes well! That’s very important to me as a writer, and as someone who has always taken writing seriously. I love writing simple fanfic that you guys can lose yourself in, because that’s why I picked up ff again after stopping for many years. And because of Seungmin, ofc. But this is also why I was very nervous about posting DEITY even though I’ve been wanting to do serial killer!Seungmin for months now. I knew it couldn’t be simple, but I had no idea it would already be this long halfway through (almost 50k words). After writing the intro and getting into the first part, I decided to just write an entire novel. I already had the plot in my head.

I don’t see many stories like this on tumblr, but I also don’t read much (I’m not exaggerating when I say all of my free time is spent writing) so putting something darker out there that wasn’t just oneshot smut was a little scary. I’m aware that’s what get most of the attention on here (short stuff, ott smut, ~imagines, etc) and why even though I have readers like you, I don’t have much in the way of likes and reblogs. It does get discouraging, but I’m pushed forward when I think about all of you reading each part.

So ANYWAY. Sorry this got so long. Thank you so much for your reblogs and your comments on those reblogs. It’s so important to me and the other writers on tumblr.

And thank you Seungmin for being my muse. I wouldn’t be writing every day again without you making me so delusional.

Again, sorry if this is too much and none of it makes sense. I took too much of one of my meds today and I’m very dizzy and lethargic from it.

[madsworld15]

New Fic Alert! right by my side (Brian/Justin)

This fic is in answer to the prompt: hug (Prompt #14) [9/21 for me personally].

I wanted to do a fun little 5+1 for this particular prompt response. It ended up being a 6k+ fic...oops. I typically don't dedicate my fics to anyone, but I truly believe that @winderlylandchime will greatly enjoy this one (plus, my last post was a few lines from this.)

5 Times Brian Surprised Justin with a Hug +1 Time Justin Surprised Brian

1.

Justin sat solemnly as Principal Perkins stared at him sternly from across the desk. The young man knew it wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation after he’d been sent to the office for flipping off his teacher. Any other time, Justin and the principal would be having a conversation about his grades and high honors. How much his character exemplified the morals and traditions of St. James Academy.

Now, the principal was angry enough to spit fire. He was ranting about how Justin’s behavior was completely out of character. Justin rolled his eyes at that. Of course, it was out of character. Justin was tired of keeping quiet and just taking whatever bullshit got thrown at him. He was now old enough to know who he was supposed to be and what he believed in. None of which aligned with St. James’ homophobic policies.

“Mr. Taylor, it pains me to do this, but there must be consequences for your actions. If you’d shown even some ounce of remorse, I’d be willing to look the other way.”

Justin grits his teeth and balled his hands into fists. 

“What about what was said to me? Why isn’t Chris Hobbs sitting here, too?” Justin barely controlled his anger.

“Mr. Hobbs was not reported as saying anything out of turn.” Principal Perkins replied, rubbing his temple in frustration.

“Only because the teacher refused to acknowledge he said anything or harassed me,” Justin grumbled, slumping down in his chair.

“Regardless, I will have to suspend you for a week.” Perkins leaned back in his seat. 

Justin tried to object, but Perkins raised his hand to stop him. “I’m sorry, Mr. Taylor. My hands are tied.”

Justin stood up and angrily grabbed his school blazer off the back of his chair before flipping up his middle fingers at Principal Perkins as well. “And fuck you.”

He made his exit before Principal Perkins could add more days to his suspension. He was so angry his chest heaved with every breath he took. He knew he should go straight home to Debbie’s, but he found his feet directing him toward Brian’s office instead. The older man had never invited him here, but Justin knew where he worked because Brian had never kept it a secret.

Justin arrived at Brian’s office a half hour later. His anger hadn’t gone away, but now he was also upset. Justin’s eyes stung with tears he refused to let fall. Upon reaching the front desk, Justin realized Brian could easily refuse him. So, Justin gave his sunniest smile and put on the charm.

“I’m here to see Brian Kinney,” Justin informed the bored-looking young woman behind the desk.

“Do you have an appointment?” She looked up and almost laughed, “Not likely. Look, kid, this is a place of business. Run on home.”

Justin squared his shoulders, gave her a stern look, and repeated, “I’m here to see Brian Kinney.” 

With a roll of her eyes, the young woman picked up the phone receiver and dialed a few numbers.

“Hey, Cynthia. I have a teen boy here. He says he needs to see Brian Kinney.” She looked at Justin smugly while she listened to whatever Cynthia said in response.

Her smirk dropped as time passed, “Excuse me, what is your name?”

“Justin Taylor,” Justin responded with a fake smile.

A few moments later, the woman hung up the phone and rolled her eyes at him once more.

“Take the elevator to the left and up to the second floor. Mr. Kinney’s office is to the right of the elevators. You will check in with Cynthia, his assistant.”

Justin smiled and nodded at everything relayed to him. He then rushed off to find the elevator.

Once he was where the receptionist had directed him, Justin stood before a blonde woman with a stern face but mischievous eyes. She gave Justin the once-over and smirked.

“Oh, Brian has some real explaining to do about you.” She looked him up and down once more, her smile holding back a laugh.

“Mr. Kinney,” she said as she opened the door. Justin could hear Brian grumbling from beyond it and tell the woman not to call him that.

Cynthia's only response was, “You have a visitor.” Turning back to Justin, she told him, “Go on in.”

“I swear to god, Cyn, if it’s my mother, I will murder you when you least expect it.” Brian hollered out just as Justin came through the door and finally set eyes on the older man’s office.

“Not your mom.” Justin’s voice squeaked. He was grateful to see Brian, but now his nerves were back, and he was certain the older man would immediately dismiss him.

“Justin?” Brian choked out, the younger blond was shocked to learn Brian actually remembered his name.

“Surprise?” Justin bit his lip and shuffled his feet. Now that he was here, he wanted Brian to make all his hurt feelings better, but he also realized he’d made a mistake thinking the man would.

“What are you doing here?” Brian narrowed his eyes and gave Justin a calculated once-over. “What happened?”

Justin brought his gaze up to meet Brian’s, and what he found there surprised him enough that he let his walls down. Brian’s face, which was normally stony and stand-offish whenever they were interacting outside of sex, was soft and concerned.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Brian asked when Justin didn’t respond right away.

“I got kicked out.” Justin squeaked out before he felt the telltale sting of tears at the back of his eyes once more. He sniffed, “Bullshit rules about using foul language toward a teacher.”

Brian stood up and walked around his desk, leaning against the front of it. He addressed Justin, “What happened?”

His tone wasn’t accusatory or cruel. It was soft and gentle. It reminded Justin of the way Brian talked to him that first night they ever had sex. It was that alone that brought Justin’s tears leaking down his face. 

“Another student was harassing me and another student. I told him off for being homophobic, but the teacher only punished me. So, as I left the room, I told him, ‘the queer is leaving. The queer says fuck you.’ Then I turned and flipped him off. It earned me a one-way ticket to a week-long suspension.” Justin wiped away the tear tracks on his cheeks, trying to hide that he had even cried.

Brian didn’t say anything for the longest time. Then, without warning, he pushed off his desk and stepped into Justin’s personal bubble. Before Justin knew what was happening, Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and held him close. 

“You stood up for yourself. You should be proud.” Brian muttered against Justin’s temple, placed a kiss there, and then moved away.

Justin watched as Brian went back around his desk and sat down. He turned back to his computer as if Justin wasn’t actually there. Justin stood rooted to the spot. He still had more he wanted to get off his chest so he did.

“It’s just fucking bullshit. Chris Hobbs can harass me every day, and no one bats an eye, but I speak out and tell him to shut up, and I get punished. I’m just so tired of that school’s homophobic policies.”

“Yeah, well, soon you’ll graduate, and you won’t have to think about them anymore,” Brian replied without even looking at Justin. 

Feeling as though he’d been dismissed, Justin started back toward Brian’s office door. 

“If you don’t mind sticking around I can drive you to Debbie’s around 5,” Brian stated. This time, his eyes found Justin’s and stared him down.

The teen didn’t respond; instead, he went to Brian’s couch and plopped down. A smile played across his lips as he pulled out a book to read.

2.

Brian had said he’d only be gone for a couple of hours. Justin trusted him, but it was inching toward the end of the second hour. His skin started to crawl, and his chest tightened as he thought about all the possible reasons Brian could have for not being back yet.

The worst of which was that he was organizing a way to kick Justin out. After all, Brian didn’t want him here. He just took Justin in because he’d been injured, and Justin’s mom had asked the brunet to take him. Justin knew deep down that Brian wouldn’t have agreed to Justin moving in if he didn’t want it to happen. However, Justin’s brain was in fight or flight mode. He wasn’t thinking things through logically.

Justin looked around at the loft Brian had catered to fit his every whim. There wasn’t much furniture because the whole aesthetic was minimalist and modern. Brian loved having an artsy living space, though anytime Justin tried to tell him it was cold and pretentious, Brian simply waved him off as being uncultured. Right now, Justin wanted nothing more than to curl up on a comfy couch with a big fluffy blanket to block out the world and his intrusive thoughts. 

However, Brian’s loft had neither of those things. The closest Justin could find was Brian’s blanket on his bed, but even that was thin and fashionable. There was nothing about Brian’s setup that immediately cried comfort. As Justin struggled to breathe, he grasped for anything that would tell him he belonged there, that Brian wanted him to be there as much as Justin loved being there.

He stumbled into the bathroom in the hopes that a hot shower might ease the tension in his body, but his vision started to go out just as he reached the tiled floor. Justin grabbed for the towel that was “his” as his vision started to go black. At least this was something that was decidedly his in this space filled with Brian. Sure, it belonged to Brian, but this was Justin’s assigned towel.

Justin buried his face in the towel and tried to control his breathing. His vision was still dark and swimmy, but closing his eyes helped with that. He breathed in the mixed scent of his own shampoo and Brian’s natural scent that clung to everything in the loft. Having their scents mingled together on his towel helped ease Justin’s mind just a little.

A few minutes later, or maybe it was an hour, Justin couldn’t be sure; he felt the touch of someone’s hand on his shoulder. Justin pulled his head out of the towel and opened his eyes. After they adjusted to the brightness, Justin saw Brian’s concerned face swimming above him. A few blinks later, Brian’s whole body came into focus. The older man was looking Justin up and down with more concern on his face than Justin had ever seen before. 

All of Brian’s usual walls were gone, and in its place was probably the closest anyone had ever gotten to seeing the real Brian Kinney. Here was this man who acted aloof about Justin 9 times out of 10, only now he was so concerned he looked close to tears.

“Justin?” Brian’s voice came out unsteady and cracked.

“I’m fine.” Justin quickly reassured the older man. Seeing this vulnerability in him was unnerving, and Justin needed it to go away.

“You’re on the bathroom floor hugging a towel,” Brian observed, allowing his hand to move from Justin’s shoulder to cup his cheek instead.

“Just had a minor panic attack. I’m fine now.” Justin reassured Brian once more. This time he stood up to further prove how fine he was.

Brian scrambled to his full height and, without a word, pulled Justin against his chest. The older man wrapped his arms around the teen and positioned his head so that it leaned on Justin’s, providing comfort. Justin squeaked due to the unexpected contact but quickly wrapped his own arms around Brian’s back in return.

After a few moments, Brian broke their contact and steeled his features. Just as quickly as his walls had fallen, they were back. Justin didn’t dare ask the man about the meaning of the intimate gesture, but he did smile to himself once Brian turned and walked toward the bedroom.

3.

Justin had thought seeing Chris Hobbs would be the worst thing he’d ever have to endure now that he survived the bashing. Then, he had dinner with his father in the hopes that he could change his mind about paying for college. The meeting with his mom two days prior had been a wake-up call, but so had his later discussion with Brian. Justin was 18 now, and he needed to prove to the world that he could handle everything on his own. That he didn’t need adults to save him every time he turned around, especially not his boyfriend.

Boyfriend, god, if Brian heard him say that, he’d kick Justin to the curb faster than he’d have time to say anything. Justin shook himself as he looked left and right. He was standing just outside his father’s apartment, having left the disastrous dinner early, and now needed a ride back to Brian’s. It was a calm, warm evening, so if he walked to Brian’s, it wouldn’t be so terrible.

Taking a deep breath, Justin took off down the street, his mind focused on the dinner he’d just participated in. He could still remember a time when he would defend his father to anyone who would listen. Despite being against Justin’s sexuality, he never thought his father actually hated him specifically. It’s why Justin had insisted his new queer family understand his father meant well, if not a bit misguided. He’d kept insisting that Craig Taylor just needed some time with it, like his mom, and then he’d come around.

After tonight, Justin knew that was never going to happen. His father had all but spit on him and his disgusting lifestyle. All the while, he was shacking up and getting particularly cozy with the receptionist for his store. According to her, they’d been together a year. So, before Justin had come out and before the divorce. Fantastic.

“You want to judge my life choices, Dad? Why not look in a mirror?” Justin had practically screamed, realizing in that moment Brian had been right all along. He’d always be hurt by the man who called himself his dad.

“Don’t you dare compare our relationship to the devil worship that you get up to. At least I’m not some pervert.” His father had screamed at him, his eyes blazing and his cheeks red from anger.

“I came here tonight to see if you would be willing to reconsider my college tuition. But I can see that’s a mistake. You don’t care whether or not I go to college. Hell, you don’t even love me.”

Justin had left right after that in the vain hope that he could stop himself from getting upset. As Justin walked toward Liberty Avenue, he kept his eyes trained on his surroundings. He wanted to find a cab, knowing Brian’s loft was still a few miles away, but he also knew he needed to be aware of potential threats to his well-being. Before his bashing, he’d never thought twice about the people around him. Justin trusted that he fit in well enough to pass, but now, everything and everyone was a threat if he didn’t know or recognize them.

Twenty minutes later, Justin was begrudgingly sliding open the door to Brian’s loft. The lights were off except for the one over Brian’s bed, so Justin assumed the man was out for the night. After a quick glance around the space, Justin was able to determine his assumption was probably correct. His chest was tight, and his heart felt heavy. So, instead of cleaning up and texting Brian to find out where he was, Justin stripped off his clothes and crawled into bed. He pulled the covers up over his head and blocked out the world.

Not ten minutes later, Brian’s door slid open once more, signaling the older man’s return. He didn’t say anything as he walked in, and Justin remained under the blanket completely. His heart was still hurting over his father’s words, and he knew he had tears running down his face. He didn’t need to hear Brian tell him, once again, that he’d been foolish to see the good in his father. Justin was lying in a ball, which he tightened at the knowledge that Brian was now home.

After some time, Brian’s footsteps could be heard ascending the couple of steps to his bedroom area. Justin squeezed his eyes shut, thinking Brian wouldn’t bother him if he thought the blond was sleeping. Unfortunately, he forgot that Brian has this innate sense when something is wrong with Justin. Before he has time to even out his breathing, Justin’s cocoon of blankets is ripped off of him, exposing him to the world beyond his bubble.

A gentle touch forces Justin to roll over and look at Brian. He doesn’t want to, but he knows that Brian’s gentle touch will only turn into more touches until Justin gives him the attention he craves. So, Justin looked toward Brian, trying his best to hide the hurt that currently overwhelms him.

Brian’s lighthearted facial expression, clearly on the verge of teasing Justin about being in bed already, turns to mild concern the minute they make eye contact with each other. His hand moves from Justin’s arm to caress his cheek. Justin pushes away from the touch. He doesn’t need Brian’s pity or his concern. The older man had warned him for almost two years now that Craig Taylor would always disappoint him. He didn’t need Brian to remind him of that.

But, instead of the expected scoff or pity, Brian does something else entirely. Something he’s only been known to do on two other occasions. He pulled on Justin’s arm until the younger man was sitting up more. Then, he wrapped his arms around the blond and held him tightly to his chest. Brian’s hand goes up to cradle the back of Justin’s head, and he squeezes his arm to push Justin as close to his chest as humanly possible. 

Brian doesn’t usually do hugs, but Justin has found that when he is at his most vulnerable and hurt, Brian willingly drops his defenses and gives Justin what he needs, whether he’s willing to ask for it or not. Brian isn’t a hugger, but he will hug Justin if it means the younger man will feel more himself again.

“You were right. My dad’s an asshole.” Justin finally mutters, his face buried in Brian’s chest, the tears causing wet patches to appear on the fabric.

Brian doesn’t respond at first, instead, he tightens his grip and rubs his thumb against the back of Justin’s head. Then, he breathes and says, “I wish I wasn’t.”

4.

Justin ran all the way home. He couldn’t believe he’d actually let Cody convince him going after Chris Hobbs was a good idea. It was one thing to scare the guy, another entirely to actually attempt to kill him. Justin wished many times over the last few years that Chris Hobbs would just die, but he never wanted to be the person to make it happen.

He managed to make it to Brian’s loft and slammed the door open as his vision started to blur. At first, he thought it might be because of tears, but then soon realized it was the start of having another panic attack. He hadn’t had one this bad in ages. In fact, the last time Justin had well and truly freaked out like this had been in the months after his release from the hospital.

As he stood by the door and attempted to catch his breath and stop the panic attack from manifesting completely, he failed to see Brian sitting at the counter observing him. Justin leaned over, placing his elbows on his knees, and squeezed his eyes shut. Brian had warned him that spending time with Cody would lead him to trouble. Justin hated when Brian was right about anything, let alone decisions Justin would come to regret.

“Sunshine?” Brian’s voice floated to the surface, and Justin found himself able to look up.

He didn’t take his elbows off his knees or even attempt to straighten up. He just let his blue eyes make contact with Brian’s brown ones and hoped that the older man wouldn’t chide him for whatever he thought Justin had been up to. He tried again to take a deep breath, but the tightness in his chest persisted, and refused to allow anything more than a small gasp. Justin found himself crumpling to the floor and wrapping his body up into a ball. Only then did he let the tears flow.

Brian jumped from his chair and immediately crouched on the floor to get as close to Justin as he could. Justin closed his eyes and tucked his chin against his chest as the blackness came and took over his every thought. The panic had settled in, and there was nothing more he could do than wait it out. To make matters even worse, Justin’s right hand started to spasm and curl on itself. His neurologist had recently told him that undue stress could trigger an episode, and he was right.

Despite the blackness of his panic and the dullness of his senses, Justin could feel Brian’s hand reach out and grab Justin’s spasming hand. The man’s gentle touches not only soothed the tight tendons but somehow seeped into Justin’s brain as well. The tightness in his chest started to subside, and Justin could feel his senses coming back online.

Taking his first deep breath since before he’d run to Brian’s, Justin was able to open his eyes – still wet with tears – and look up at Brian. The brunet’s face was crumpled with concern and heartbreak at the sight of Justin. Justin wanted to reach out and smooth out Brian’s worry lines, but his body was still heavy, and he couldn’t find it in him to move. 

Instead, Brian moved his body for him. The older man wrapped his arm around Justin’s back and pulled him up into a sitting position while leaning on Brian for strength. They didn’t say anything to each other. Justin was afraid to utter what he’d done out loud, and Brian was respectful enough not to ask.

Soon enough, Justin could feel all his muscles loosening up and so he started to move to get up off the floor. He wiped away the tear tracks from his cheeks and refused to make eye contact with Brian. As he stood up, Brian was right there at his elbow, a gentle hand there to provide support should Justin need it. He didn’t, and feeling embarrassed by his reaction, Justin put as much space between himself and his partner as he could.

“Once again, you were right.” Justin finally muttered, still not looking at Brian. He couldn’t bear to see the hurt or sympathy the man’s face probably still contained.

“Am I supposed to know what you are referring to?” Brian’s voice came out quiet. Justin quickly glanced at him to see he was biting his bottom lip and looking toward Justin, deeply concerned.

“Cody. He was nothing but trouble.” Justin shrugged, staring at his feet. 

Before he knew it, Brian had enveloped Justin in the biggest, tightest hug to date. Brian would never admit it out loud, but Justin knew the man had been worried about him the last few weeks. Justin’s anger about his bashing had been all-consuming and hadn’t allowed him to listen when Brian told him there were more productive ways to put the incident behind him. Justin grabbed at Brian’s back, holding on for dear life. He hadn’t expected his partner to hug him, but he wasn’t upset that it was happening.

Then, Brian surprised Justin even further by opening his mouth and letting out a deep sigh, “I was so fucking worried about you.”

Justin didn’t need to say the “I know” out loud. Instead, he leaned even further into the hug and let Brian hold onto him as long as the man needed to feel regulated again. Justin needed the hug desperately, but he knew that secretly, Brian needed it too.

5.

Justin had been living in New York City for almost a year now. He loved it here. Brooklyn was the perfect mix of artist communities and young people to keep him inspired and alive. When he had first moved, he’d been worried that he’d never feel at home in a city its size. However, the universe quickly showed him that his talents were worth something and that he could make a nice little life for himself here.

Brian came to visit Justin about once a month and they talked on the phone at least once a week otherwise. Sometimes, Brian even emailed him inappropriate pictures to convince Justin it was time they did a video call together. The older man had recently started talking about expanding Kinnetik to New York City, but no concrete plans had been made. So, Justin was convinced it wasn’t going to happen.

After all, in the almost 6 years he had known Brian, the man had talked about New York on numerous occasions but never followed through on actually moving there. Justin wasn’t naive enough to believe that he’d be a big enough reason to get Brian to move to the city that never sleeps. Sure, they’d been together off and on for many years, but that didn’t mean Brian was going to uproot his life for the blond.

Then, Justin was walking home from his job at a 5-star restaurant one night, and everything changed. He hated the job, but it helped him pay his bills and allowed him to paint and draw at his own pace, not the fast pace of the art world. He was walking along his block, having gotten off the subway two blocks down from his apartment, when out of nowhere, a person grabbed him. Justin panicked, and his brain locked up. He couldn’t move or even fight back. 

As the person punched him in the stomach and made a grab for his jacket pocket, where he held his wallet, Justin’s cell phone rang. He scrambled to grab it and answer it, but his assailant knocked it from his hand before Justin could actually say anything to whoever was on the other line. Justin’s attacker gave him a swift kick to the knees and finally managed to grab Justin’s wallet. They opened it and took out Justin’s tips from the night and his credit card before throwing the wallet down and running away. Justin groaned from his spot on the pavement. 

His head was throbbing from where the attacker had given him another kick to the head before leaving him. Justin could hear Brian’s panicked voice on the other end of the phone calling out his name. Just before he blacked out, Justin mumbled, “Help me.”

Justin woke up to bright lights that hurt his retinas. He groaned and felt a pull on one of his arms and a heavy weight on the other. Looking down, he was able to see that there was an IV attached to his left arm, and a person was lying on his other arm, grasping his hand. His head was throbbing incessantly to the point that he felt nauseous. In fact, his mouth suddenly started salivating, and his gut started to roll. Shit, he was going to vomit. 

Justin leaned over the far side of the bed and vomited. After his stomach stopped lurching, he was able to lean back on his pillows once more. Justin knew he was in the hospital and that his head hurt. He just wasn’t exactly sure why. He looked around the room for some help with the vomit that now lay puddled on the floor next to his bed. The movement jostled the person lying on his other arm, and Justin came face to face with Brian.

The man was still sleep-fogged, but his eyes were sad and distraught. Justin tried to sit up more, but the pounding in his head got worse, and the nausea returned, so he laid back down. He took deep breaths through his nose with his eyes closed in order to prevent himself from vomiting again.

“Where’s the nurse?” Justin finally croaked, allowing his eyes to open again slowly.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Brian started to physically check him over for any problems. 

Justin sighed, “Bri, I’m fine. I just vomited over the side of the bed because of my head.”

Brian stopped moving and looked Justin in the eyes. His hand landed on Justin’s cheek, and he caressed it softly with his thumb.

“I can page someone,” Brian whispered, using his other hand to press the button. “When you didn’t respond over the phone, I freaked out.”

“Clearly. You’re here.” Justin chuckled, then groaned when the action made his abdomen and chest hurt. “Jesus, what the fuck happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Brian looked extremely concerned again. “Fuck.”

“No, did I fall and hit my head? Is that why I’m here?” Justin wracked his brain, trying to find even the faintest of memories about what happened.

“You were walking home when someone attacked you. Luckily, not long after you passed out, someone from your building happened by and called 9-1-1. I was on the phone with you when it happened, so I just hopped on the first plane I could.” Brian’s tone was kind, gentle, and filled with worry.

“How long was I out?” Justin was trying to make sense of everything. Tonight wasn’t Brian’s typical night to call. He knew Justin’s work schedule and never called him on nights he worked.

“You’ve been unconscious for about 4 hours,” Brian responded. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, pulling his contact with Justin. “Doctors said that we wouldn’t know if the injury to your head would have damaging effects until you woke up.”

Justin closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to sit up once more. This time, his head didn’t pound, his vision didn’t swim, and his stomach stayed calm. He took that as a win and smiled over at Brian. 

“I’m sorry to worry you.” 

Brian licked his lips and grabbed Justin’s hand, “Sorry is bullshit.”

Suddenly, the door opened and in walked a nurse. She smiled at Justin and moved to look over his vitals on the monitor. As she approached the far side of his bed to check the IV medication, she found the puddle of vomit.

“I see you made a mess of things. Not to worry. You’ve had a concussion. Vomiting is normal.”

Justin squeezed Brian’s hand, which was still in his. Brian took the opportunity to ask a couple of questions. 

“Since he’s awake, does that mean everything is fine?” Based on how he phrased things, Justin could assume Brian had asked about his brain health multiple times over the past few hours.

“I’ll let the doctor come in and answer that question. But, based on your vitals, Mr. Taylor, I would say you are one lucky young man.” She gave him a smile and then leaned over to wipe up the mess on the floor.

Justin turned his focus to Brian. He hadn’t seen the man in person for almost three weeks, and in that time, he’d somehow become more haggard-looking and tired. Or maybe that was all a result of the last few hours. Justin was sure his being unconscious in the hospital with a head injury wasn’t a road Brian had wished to revisit. 

“I’m fine. Brian, I promise. I’m okay.” Justin muttered as the room became just the two of them again.

“You could’ve died. The whole flight, I could hardly breathe, not knowing what I was going to arrive to.” Brian’s breath came out choppy and short. He was close to hyperventilating. “Then getting here and finding out your attacker kicked you in the head?”

Justin reached across himself and placed his other hand on top of their joined ones. Brian sniffed and then looked at Justin, tears in his eyes. “Justin, I couldn’t bear the thought…”

He stopped, and instead of trying to finish his thought, Brian leaned forward and wrapped Justin up in his arms. He kissed the side of Justin’s neck and let a few tears settle on Justin’s shoulder. Justin couldn’t fully wrap his left arm around Brian due to the IV, but he took his right one and made sure the man knew he was there and he was okay.

“Brian,” Justin whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Justin. I need you to be safe.”

Brian’s final words rocked Justin to his core. Sure, he’d known that Brian loved him and had done so for years, but the man had never vulnerably stated how much he needed Justin. This was new.

+1

Brian hated hospitals, with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Nothing good ever came out of a hospital. That’s not true. There was one instance in his life when he went to the hospital, and something good happened. The day Gus was born.

Otherwise, Brian hated hospitals. He’d spent quite some time at Alleghany General when Justin was bashed, then again when Michael was injured in the Babylon bombing. Then there was the whole cancer journey where he spent most of 3 months visiting the hospital just so the doctors could fry his balls. Not to mention the situation with Justin two years ago when he got mugged and almost died.

Now, Brian was pacing the hallway of the hospital in Toronto, waiting for any news on Gus and Lindsay’s condition. They had been driving home from Gus’ hockey tournament when they were hit by a drunk driver. Melanie had called Brian, crying hysterically, and he had gotten on the first flight he could. It had been a few hours now, and there still wasn’t any news. 

Justin approached him and handed him a cup filled with crappy machine-dispensed coffee. Brian gave him a forced smile and resumed his pacing. Justin stood to the side and watched Brian move. The older man knew the blond wanted to do something more to help Brian, but they both knew that nothing could speed up their waiting.

Another hour passed without any news when suddenly a doctor appeared. She looked exhausted but hopeful. Brian stopped his pacing, and Justin came to stand next to him. The doctor asked which of them was Lindsay Peterson’s next of kin. Melanie raised her hand and stepped forward, stating she was Lindsay’s wife. She glanced toward Brian and subtly motioned that he could stand with her.

Brian and Justin held hands as they approached the doctor to hear the update. She started off only talking about Lindsay.

“Ma’am, your wife sustained crush injuries due to being squished up against the dashboard in the accident. Her legs were crushed, which is why we had to go in surgically. Lindsay made it through surgery just fine, but we won’t know how much her mobility will be affected until she wakes up.” The doctor concluded with a tight smile. “We are cautiously optimistic about her prognosis.”

“What about her son, Gus?” Brian cut in, his fingers squeezing Justin’s that much harder. The doctor had no way of knowing, and Melanie probably didn’t notice, but Justin knew that Brian was barely holding onto his sanity at this point.

“Gus’ injuries were a lot more catastrophic. Unfortunately, he was crushed similarly to Lindsay, but from the backseat. And since he is just a child, his bones broke more easily. There was much more internal damage. We went in and started to do some damage control, but with the amount of bleeding, we had to stop and give his body time to recover.” The doctor reached out and placed a comforting hand on both Melanie and Brian’s shoulders. “I wish the news was better for both of them.”

She turned around and started to walk away, but Brian called her back.

“Can I see him?” Brian’s voice was broken and pleading.

“He’s in the PICU. Visiting hours are from 9 am to 4 pm. You can see him in a few hours.” She looked apologetic, but Brian didn’t want to hear it.

“He’s barely 8 years old! I’m his father. You have to let me see him!” Brian took a step toward her menacingly.

Justin grabbed him and pulled him back. “Brian, relax. It’ll be 9 am in a few hours. Let the doctors do their job.”

Brian didn’t know how to respond. He was numb. Gus, his beautiful, energetic son, might die. How was that even fair? Brian was a dick to people most of his life, and yet he got to survive cancer. Now, Gus, who’d never harmed another person in his life and was the epitome of kindness, might die before he even got to experience life. Brian was angry. 

He pulled away from Justin completely and walked toward the closest exit. He needed to take a step outside and get some fresh air. It didn’t matter to him that it was the middle of November and freezing. He needed the sharp, cold air because he deserved to be in pain, not Gus. Brian felt his breath catch in his chest, and his lungs started to feel like they were filled with water. His vision started to narrow. He couldn’t stop whatever this was, and it freaked him out even more. 

Brian lashed out, screaming and kicking the ground. He was 37 years old and wanted nothing more than to be in the hospital instead of Gus. Just as his chest tightened to the point he could hardly pull any air in, warm arms wrapped themselves around him. All of a sudden, his face was met with a plump polyester jacket that was cold at first but soon warmed up thanks to Brian’s own body heat. His eyes closed, and he let out the first sob.

“Shh. Brian, it’s okay.” Justin’s voice whispered in his ear as his hand cradled the back of Brian’s head and rubbed comforting circles to the back of it.

Brian continued to sob; he’d never allowed himself to break down this much before. Even when Justin had been in the hospital on the edge of dying. Back then, Brian hid behind extremely thick walls and never dared to do more than let a few tears stream quietly down his face. He’d been just as devastated back then as he was now. The only difference was years of Justin’s love and steadfast loyalty showing him he had room to be vulnerable without being judged. 

A few moments later, Brian was able to compose himself and pulled back from Justin a bit, “What was that for?”

Justin shrugged and smiled, “I figured you could use a hug. You aren’t alone, Brian. And Gus is going to pull through. I just know it.”

“You can’t know that,” Brian admitted, searching Justin’s face for some kind of validation of his claim.

“Sure I can. I did.” Justin gave Brian one of his dazzling smiles and then leaned over to give the man a kiss on his lips. “Gus is resilient because he has three of the strongest people I know as his parents.”

“Four.” Brian corrected him. “You’re pretty strong yourself.”

[lamborghinitoothpull]

This is just me rating the jackass/cky crew member from one to five with how much I would get along with them (2000s edition obviously. It also includes unofficial members too):

Bam:

-3/5

-i think we have similar humour (very cryptic humour) and taste in general

-it’s weird that I gave him a higher rating bc I think he’s a huge asshole sometimes lol but we’re both huge fangirls and us fangirls gotta stick together okayyyy??!!?!!

Johnny:

-4/5

-the constant pranks would genuinely piss me off since he doesn’t know when to stop but we would be super chill with each other

-johnny is super easy going so I wouldn’t feel intimidated or anything

Raab:

-5/5 no doubt!!!!

-he’s an angel honestly

Stephanie:

-5/5

-she’s the coolest girl on earth and I would like to think we would be bffs hehe

Chris:

-2/5

-I love Chris but I do think we would argue a lot

-we both talk without really thinking so we would misunderstand each other all the fucking time omg

-plus our energies seem too different or maybe too similar I can’t tell

-I really want to be delusional and be like “we would be BFFs 😍😍!!!!” But I can’t sadly…..

Dico:

-4/5

-I can see us playing video games together and just chilling in silence

-it would feel super relaxed around him

Novak:

-1/5

-I don’t hate him

-we’re too different

Ryan:

-5/5

-I actually believe me and Ryan would be great friends

-like I can actually see us having those deep ass talks at like 3 am while high as shit

-also we would get each other out of our comfort zones which is a plus <3

Preston:

-2/5

-HES SO FUNNY SO SO FUNNY BUT I THINK WE WOULDNT BE CLOSE AT ALL

-he scares me sometimes

Dave:

-3/5

-things would be cool between us but I defo sense tension between us

-it’s not from a malicious place though

-maybe it’s difference in personality?? Idk

-but he’s a rad guy and is effortlessly funny

Steve o:

-2/5

-this one is painful for me bc steve o is my fave (apart from ehren and stephanie)

-I’d hate his guts lowkey like he’s just too much for me

Ehren:

-5/5!!!!

-now hear me out!! I know it sounds super biased bc he’s my fave and all but I really do think we would click very quickly

-is he annoying?? Yes. But I can be more annoying than him

-we would probably take a bunch of roadtrips together and do crazy shit

-I would also protect him I’m sorry actually no I am not apologising for being an ehren mcghehey apologist!!! He deserves some love and I’m gonna gladly give it to him I do not care!!!!!

-I see a lot of myself in ehren and I probably shouldn’t be proud of that but fuckkkkk like he really is like me!!!

-we can’t spell for shit, dumb asf,

RAKE F’KING YOHN:

-5/5

-I would not understand a word he would say to me but I have a huge soft spot for nerds </3

-i want him to rant to me about chemistry

Wee man:

-5/5

-it’s literally wee man hellooooooo???!?!!!

Jeff:

-5/5

-he’s hot

Jess:

-5/5

-I want him so bad like I would not act normally around him

-like I would constantly hype him up and praise everything he does

-I hate using this word be yeah fuck it I would simp for him

-honestly what is there to not like about Jess????? He’s THE dreamy drummer bf cmon now

Okay I’m forgetting a few other people but I’m tired and soooooo over this!!! Idk why I did this in the first place lmfao gn mwahhhh </3

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’ve been a huge Taylor fan since 2009 and I 100% feel you. I’m sick of her right now. So so tired from May and all the shit that came from (most) swifties. I’m not even joking when I say all of my swiftie friends turned on me and participated in the backlash, even a few that were 75 fans?? It was truly all so performative, because why didn’t you give a fuck before this? 

I’m beyond sick of Maylors too. I liked the idea of them but it’s over, give it a rest. I saw a thread a few days ago that said IILWY is about Taylor, completely disregarding that lyric about a black girl. Realllly side-eyeing the fans that just pretend like he wasn’t with Twigs for 3 years, especially when they might’ve been engaged. That breakup really seemed hard on him. Also people saying It’s Not Living is about her?? It literally has a line about shooting up heroin in it but okay. 

It also upsets me that she didn’t shut any of that shit down. In a way I’ve lost some respect for her. She didn’t have to say anything specifically about Matty but god tell some fans to fuck off for once. 

Sorry for the long message, it just seems like you share some of my frustrations, and I know a lot of others do. 

No, no, I totally understand and 10000% agree with you. This is a safe space for venting frustrations lol.

And, yeah, I was (and still am) sickened by all that shit. ESPECIALLY the twigs stuff. I had half a mind to rant about it on here the other day but I felt like it would fall on deaf ears. I’ve even had conversations with some Maylors, tried to hear them out and see their logic. See if I can offer them mine. It’s like they’re incapable of understanding that matty would sing about anything but love or anything BUT TAYLOR. I’d be like “yeah sure it SOUNDS like a love song but it’s about drugs” they’d conveniently gloss over the line or say “beautiful shoes Taylor is known for her shoes.” IS SHE???!! I’ve never heard that before ever.

I’m so sorry about your swiftie friends. I’ve had the same experience. Though they weren’t 75 fans they just supported my obsession with the band lol. But yeah. Personally, I think Taylor is a great artist and has earned her place in pop history. But other than that…..idk. Especially when it comes to speaking out about stuff. She either won’t, or will do it in a way that comes off as paying lip service. Which is fine. I’m not saying every artist should be an activist. Actually it’d be great if uninformed people stopped performing wokeness and stfu and left it to experts. But she holds away with swifties she could’ve said some passive aggressive shit about being kind or whatever. Idkkk man.

It’s just a lot right now and it’s everywhere even when I don’t go looking for it, it seems to find me lmao. It’s okay though. Things will calm down eventually. I’m sure it also has to do with the fact that they’re both touring right now and in the public eye. Hopefully the weird maylor shit will calm down with time. But yeah I’m so done with trying to respect their pov or whatever. They’ve gone wayyyyy over the line.

[emeraldbabygirl]

I’ve been thinking or at least trying not to think about moonbin all night and I don’t have any words. I’m still in shock it doesn’t feel real. People die everyday in my country and nowadays everyone is dying and it just sucks. It sucks hearing about it and it sucks even more for the families that are affected. I just keep thinking about sua. Something really hits inside me like that was her older brother her brother and she was his little sister and I don’t know a thing about their relationship as siblings but losing a family member is never easy. It just sucks and people are like “thoughts and prayers” or “sending love” like thoughts and prays to who? Sending love to who you can’t “send love” to people in a sentence like that’s just what people say and I guess if it makes them feel better than fine but it doesn’t do anything. Just like with the constant shootings here in my country and with the war in Ukraine people are dying and there’s been people who just “oh thoughts and prayers” and they forget about it.

Idk where this is going I want to rant I’m upset and I’m shocked I don’t want to believe Moonbin is gone it’s not fair. He was young and he should’ve had his entire life in front of him and it was taken away. His parents lost their son and sua poor sua lost her brother. It’s not fair that so many good people that deserve to live out their life die early when there’s horrible people in the world that can do whatever they want and they live to be 100 or whatever and good people whether they’re famous or not die everyday whether it’s suicide or they get shot or whatever takes their life it’s not fair.

And what about Moonbin? No one knows what happened and I don’t want to know, I didn’t want to know when Sulli passed and I found out I don’t want to know cause I’m tired of hearing about people dying it’s just not fair it sucks but I can’t imagine whatever thoughts Moonbin was feeling before he passed and he was alone. What did Moonbin ever do to deserve his life getting cut short? It’s just not fair and everyone’s like “sending my condolences” and “rest in peace” but who are you sending your condolences to? You gonna write a letter to the family of whoever dies? “Sorry your kid is dead” “sorry you lost your grandma” “sorry your kid got shot” saying sorry and all this stuff doesn’t do anything, it doesn’t make the families and people affected feel better and it doesn’t bring the family member or friend back. And everyone just assumes the dead go to heaven but what if they don’t want to what if they died a horrible death and want to come back as a ghost and haunt everyone who did them dirty. I know this is gonna sound bad but just once I’d like an idol to come back as a ghost just because. Why do we always assume they moved on to the afterlife? Are we just gonna assume Moonbin just went to heaven immediately? What about everything he ever left unfinished, what about everything he ever wanted to do? It’s not like he was some old man with declining health right he was a healthy young guy who had so much going for him. He had a family and friends both in and out of the industry and a whole lot of fans why would he be content with leaving everyone and everything behind to “go to heaven” if that’s what people want to believe. If he was a ghost he could watch over Sua and still see his parents and family, if my family member died I’d want them to be a ghost I don’t care if it sounds selfish I wouldn’t want to lose them and that’s it. Sua is never gonna see her brother again, his parents will never see their son again. His parents outlived him, in what world is it fair that the parents outlive their children how is that fair how is any of this fair? The world is cruel and unfair and it fucking sucks.

There’s been so many people that have died already this year and it just sucks. It’s not fair I’m mad. I’m not mad at the people for dying I’m mad that their lives are being taken away for no reason and people believe “oh well it was their time” that’s bullshit. How was it Moonbin’s time? He was in his 20’s that’s only two decades of being alive which is not a lot compared to some who is in their 90’s. How and why does this keep happening it’s not fair I hate this world everything sucks. Sua lost her brother and she’s never gonna get over it. There’s always going to be an emptiness inside her and even if the pain lessens it’s just not going away you never heal from losing someone. My dog’s been dead for probably 5 years now and it still hurts the pain does not go away you never heal from these things how can you just be completely okay again after someone you love is no longer a part of your life and that you will never see them again, never talk to them again nothing because they aren’t around, they’re gone. It sucks, that’s what it is, it’s sad and heartbreaking and unfair and it’s straight up sucks.

I didn’t want to say anything at all, seeing all the posts on twt and things on YouTube and just in general hearing about it I don’t want to hear it and I don’t want to see it cause it’s just a reminder that Moonbin is gone and he’s not coming back and I didn’t want to string together sentences to blab about whatever if on my mind so I can say the exact same stuff everyone else is saying when it won’t make me feel better and it won’t make anyone else feel better. I don’t want to talk about it cause there’s nothing to say. It’s just not fair and seeing all the posts about Moonbin just reminds me of the other idols that are gone and that just brings back memories I don’t want it makes me miss them all even more and I wasn’t a huge fan of Astro or spectrum or even Kara but I was a fan of fx and Shinee and that doesn’t even matter it still hurts hearing that someone is dead and someone that was a good person is gone and it still affects you whether you knew them or not cause it’s scary how fast someone can be taken away and it’s always so hard to believe and the shock of it and even years later I still can’t believe jonghyun is gone, years later I still struggle with my dog not being around it’s so hard to wrap your head around the death of someone you loved and cared about or knew. I just felt the need to get anything off my chest and no it doesn’t make me feel better I’m just even more mad about it. Sometimes I just wish a meteor would fly into the earth and everyone would die and then we wouldn’t be sad and we wouldn’t have to live without our brother or son or mum or dog because no one would be alive.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

The new episode had to be the most rushed, underwhelming, predictable and overall worst fight ever. I’m sorry I just cannot take that episode seriously to save my life, it doesn’t even feel part of the storyline it feels so random and weird that it doesn’t even feel like… Real?

My first annoyance with this episode is that.. The fucking fight was absolute dog water, there was barely any sort of real power from both of them showing during it. Persephone was just whooshing around mud?? Like that’s going to defeat motherfucking KRONOS the god who literally had the world crumbling and started a damn war for years! The god who scarred the 6 traitors and traumatized them and left scars for years, even giving many of them nightmares. The man everyone was worried about, was defeated by a boring ass super sized Persephone. I am just so extremely disappointed with this whole fight, I mean honestly how fucking long was that fight advertised in the comic? It was supposed to be some world altering threat and that’s all we fucking got are you serious. I’m sorry but I just cannot accept that that’s how the Kronos plot story ended.

About Kronos, I wanted him to be a lot more scarier or at least intimidating I’m so sick of every single God just absolutely fawning over Persephone, I’d much rather him treat Persephone like she was just a power source (like she’s meant to be) than to be a replacement Rhea for him to be with and rule the world together. It was so completely unnecessary and honestly really cringe about the way that Kronos randomly drooled over her that was so annoying I genuinely wanted him to have like… A god complex. (Get it) Overall I feel like his potential and his character got ruined because he was talked up to be some very scary and powerful being yet got destroyed by Persephone who still cannot control her damn powers or it doesn’t seem like she can since she can’t use them for jack shit unless it’s to make vines.

Something else that bothered me about this “fight” is the comic trying so hard to make Persephone so “unbothered” and “badass” genuinely it was so hard to read to be honest. Like something about it ticked me the fuck off, it just did not give what it was supposed to give and it sent chills down my spine in a horrendous way. It was just terrible honestly.

Another thing that bothered me was Persephone herself, like I said before there’s nothing scary or dreadful about Persephone I’m so tired of seeing “aesthetically pleasing” gods when they’re in LITERAL TRUE FORMS I’m not saying that all gods should be terrifying I’m just saying that I’m tired of all the gods being so pretty and polish and stuff, there’s so much potential in letting the art form be more raw without always needing to make it pretty. I just wish we could see more forms of Persephone outside of being “sweet innocent and kind” we’ve been seeing this side of her for three seasons now and it’s getting annoying. What is even the difference between Kore and Persephone? If Rachel was going to make it seem like Persephone has two sides she needs to make them very freaking distinctive.

Another thing that bothered me was the unnecessary film crew. How the fuck are they even awake..? Isn’t every citizen in The Underworld supposed to be asleep or am I going crazy? Anyways they literally did not bring anything to the scenes and they weren’t very funny at all honestly, just why were they there? I don’t get it. This is just a petty nitpick by the way just wanted to add that there.

Another small nitpick was her crying… A-Fucking-Gain, that’s so annoying to me we get it Persephone would never wanna destroy the man who is literally a threat to everyone and the one that is currently putting YOUR MOTHERS (and hades or whatever) life in danger. We know she’s so kind and empathetic that she would never wanna murder anyone boohoo, we get it please stop shoving it down our throats. It’s just annoying that Persephone just cannot be wrathful with zero regrets.

Anyways I can say that Tartarus’ design because that was genuinely the only good thing about the episode for me. It was so nice to look at and they really did serve, glad that they were the one who finished the fight and not Persephone because the whole point wasn’t to make Persephone specifically to go up against Kronos and defeat him. But yeah, good on them for doing what Persephone couldn’t.

But that’s the end of the rant. Sorry if I came off a little aggressive this rant but the whole thing really irked me because it could’ve been so much better and they’ve been dragging that fight on for seasons and it was so disappointing. But like I always say I’m very biased and I’m talking completely about how I felt about it and my own thoughts, please don’t take any of this as fact because it’s not but if you do agree with me that’s great, and if you don’t that’s also great. These are just meaningless rants and I do not want anyone to use these as fuel to insult people who enjoy and love Lore Olympus because that’s not what this is supposed to be. What’s good for others may not be good for you and you should never shame someone for that because that’s completely and utterly illogical.

[f1nalboys]

Okay, okay! So I love your poly!Ghostface dark/angst, but I wanna see you do some poly!Ghostface dark/fluff too(if that's a thing?)! Still unhealthy/toxic relationship, but one where their feelings are at least actually true and genuine. Trio vs the World shit. Best Friends to Lovers blah blah blah cause you know Im a slut for that lmao. NSFW too if you're willing 👀

AHH so glad I finally got to this request I'm sorry it took me so long :(( HOWEVER i had fun writing it!! i really hope you enjoy (ps, no smut unfortunately i tried to add it and it was coming out wrong ahhh) flashbacks are italicized! 

WORD COUNT: 2352

WARNINGS: toxic relationship, kinda cute moments between the three of you, cursing, little bit of stalking, threats of violence, no nsfw because i was a little lazy sorry :,(

Had someone told you five years ago that you'd be dating not only Billy Loomis but Stu Macher as well, you’d have laughed straight in their face. And yet here you were, curled up on the couch between the two, your legs thrown over Billys and your head resting on Stu’s shoulder, watching a horror movie. You smile softly as you feel Billy’s hand grip your thigh slightly. He never seemed to realize he was doing it which made it even cuter.

“Remember the day I met you guys?” You question, head moving off of Stu’s shoulder when he turns to look at you. He gives you a goofy grin and nods, kissing the tip of your nose. “Sure, baby. Why?”

“Did you think we would have gotten together? Like, back then?”

“Definitely,” Billy says, poking his finger into your side. You raise an eyebrow at him, catching his hand and holding it in your lap. He sighs, grinning slightly. “Alright, maybe not the day we met, but I knew pretty soon. Why? What’s got you thinking about it?”

You shrug, not really sure yourself. Something about the situation you three were in at the moment made your mind drift to those few awful god damn weeks. “You two really sucked then, you know? Honestly, I’m surprised I didn't kill you both.”

Stu gasps, throwing himself back with a hand on his heart. You roll your eyes; ever the dramatic. “You would have hurt us? I can’t believe this… the betrayal!” You elbow him and he sits back up, laughing, and wraps his arms around you, planting a few sloppy kisses onto your neck.

“We weren’t even that bad, babe.” Billy says, eyes widening as you glare at him.

“Not that bad? Do I need to remind you of the first thing you said to me when we met?” You shoot back, sitting up closer to Stu. You had already forgiven the two for how they acted then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give them a hard time.

The first day you met Billy and Stu, it had started out good. You still didn’t have many friends but that was perfectly okay with you. You were sat in the grass outside one of the buildings where your next class was held, waiting. Thirty more minutes and you got to go to math; yay. You were leaned up against a tree, headphones in, trying to relax, when two men stood in front of you. They were pretty cute. One was tall, wearing a thin sweater and a goofy grin, while the other was shorter with dark hair and a smirk. The tall one's mouth moves and you pull your earbuds out, about to apologize for not hearing him, when the shorter one speaks.

“Pretty stupid to wait for someone to talk to you before taking your headphones out.” His smile was still there but it was clearly masking his annoyance. Your eyebrows raise in surprise at the gall of this dude. You don’t even know him and he thinks he’s owed a conversation?

“Excuse me?”

“What? You’re deaf and a bitch?” The taller one slaps the back of his head immediately and he grumbles, rubbing the soreness. You scoff, shaking your head, fuming. Was it just this dude or were most people here dicks? You didn't want to find out.

You stand, grabbing your bag and pushing past the two, heading towards the building. Your eyes instantly roll into the back of your head when you hear the sound of footsteps behind you. “Hey, I’m sorry about him, really. That’s how he jokes and sometimes it comes across as mean. I’m Stu and he’s Billy.”

Stopping in your tracks you turn to face Stu, the taller one, and take a second to think of a response. Glancing over at Billy, who had finally caught up with you, you can see what resembles regret on his features. “Well, he didn’t come across as mean, he came across as an asshole.”

Stu laughs, nodding. Billy shrugs, giving you that same weak smile he had shown when he approached. You shrug your backpack up higher onto your shoulder, the weight of it starting to get to you, when Billy grabs ahold of it and yanks it off of you. “What the hell? Give me my shit back!”

“Least I can do is to carry it for you. You going to class?” He asks. It’s like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. You give a large sigh and nod, silently thankful for the weight off your shoulders. “Which building?”

“Sycamore.” He nods and begins to walk there, you and Stu trailing behind him. “Is he always so...?” You ask Stu under your breath, trailing off, unsure of a word that could describe the man. He grins and nods. “Annoying? Mean? Stubborn? Yes, yes, and yes.”

Billy groans at the memory, annoyed. He hated when you brought that up. “I told you I was just having an off day! Come on, you’re acting like Stu didn’t offend you too! Do you not remember when you got food with us, like, that night?” Stu punches Billy in the shoulder hard, pissed that he had brought it up.

“Oh yeah! I kinda forgot about how much of a dickhead Stu was,” You say, leaning back against the couch. It really was a shock your relationship with the boys got to where it was now.

Billy and Stu followed you around all day. It seemed they were trying to apologize for Billy’s attitude earlier but, if you were being honest, it was kind of unnerving. After your math class, where they had walked you inside the building and only left when the professor came in, you saw them waiting outside under the tree you had been at.

“Can you guys stop following me?” You had told them the third time you noticed them, this time at the small diner you stopped by after your last class. Stu’s face turned red and he looked behind him as if there was someone else you could be talking about. “Yeah, you two.”

“We wanted to apologize for earlier,” Billy said, motioning for you to join them at their table. You had to choose which one to sit next too and, after your not-so-pleasant meeting with Billy that morning, you sat next to Stu. He sticks his tongue out at Billy who rolls his eyes.

“You already apologized. It’s getting kind of creepy.” You say, placing your elbow on the table. Before the boys could respond, the waitress walks over, placing down their drinks. She flashes you a smile and takes your order, walking off with a sway in her hips, much to the boy's enjoyment.

Stu throws an arm over your shoulder and you shrug him off, ignoring the pained look he gives you. “We just wanted to make sure you really knew we were sorry! Billy here never acts right around a hottie,”

“Stu you fucking idiot.” Billy spits, throwing something at him. Stu laughs, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Billy looks at you and gives you what looks like a real, genuine smile. “Sorry about him; he can’t seem to think with his upstairs brain.”

“Don’t need to when my downstairs one leads me to be sitting next to a smoke show,” Stu says, holding his hand out to you for a high five. Your face flushes and you ignore him, scooting away from him slightly. He was cute, sure, but way too forward. “What? Can’t compliment people anymore?”

“Not when your compliments are preceded by stalking.” You mutter, a part of you hoping he doesn’t hear it. Unfortunately, he does. You see his face change in your peripheral vision and your eyes flick over to Billy. He grins at you, sitting back in the booth, and taking a sip from his drink. He was enjoying this.

“Stalking? You’re fucking with me, right?” His rant is cut short by the return of the waitress who hands you your drink and places the food the boys had ordered onto the table, completely oblivious to your discomfort. She leaves and Stu grabs a fry from his plate, chewing loudly. “We’re not fucking stalking you - trust me, there are better ways to spend our time.”

Billy throws his balled up straw wrapper at Stu, catching his attention, and you let out a soft sigh of relief when Stu’s demeanor changes. He was back to smiling and laughing as if he hadn’t just been attempting to tear you to shreds. “Sorry about that… I’m pretty tired, that’s all.” Stu says, playing with his fingers.

“S’okay, I guess.”

“Why don’t you let us take you on a date? You know, as an apology?” Billy chimes in and Stu grins, nodding. A large part of yourself was screaming no. There was something off about these boys, something dark just under the surface, but you were intrigued. And so you smile.

“Yeah, I guess you two can do that.”

Billy had his arms wrapped around you, laughing at the excuses Stu was stammering out. He was obviously getting frustrated at the memory and you opened your arms to let him join in on the cuddling.

“You know, I really am glad we stuck together. I don’t know what I’d do if it were for our nightly cuddle sessions,” You say, your words muffled by Stu’s sweater. He pulls back and gives you a kiss, Billy swooping in to take one from him as well.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without our fuck sessions,” Stu hums and you groan, punching him in the shoulder. What a way to ruin the moment. “Wait, let’s not act like you were a saint in all of this! I remember you being pretty awful at one point.”

“What?! No way!”

Billy nods, tickling your sides for a second. “Sure were, babe.”

Two months into the relationship was your breaking point. You really did like, if not love, the boys and yet you were still an outsider. Walking into the shared apartment just for their whispered conversations to stop. Late nights spent in the living room with hushed voices while you tried to sleep. You felt as though you only knew a portion of the two people you had come to like; no, love.

You admit it was petty. It wasn’t the right thing to do in any circumstance, but you did it because you knew it would get a reaction. You had packed a bag and sat in the living room. You wanted them to see you leave. Wanted them to see how much their secrecy had taken. You had been together only a short while and yet you felt so at home with them that the idea of actually leaving, of breaking it off, nearly tore you apart.

The door opens and in enters Billy and Stu, wrapped up in their own conversation. Stu waves at you, carrying on before realizing what he had just seen. “Babe? What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.” Your voice was confident, not a waver in sight, and you knew it was because you weren’t planning on leaving. Some would call it manipulation, sure, but you were backed into a corner. Stu’s mouth drops open and Billy stares at you, his eyes narrowed.

“What? What do you mean you’re leaving? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Stu rushes to sit down next to you on the couch, not wanting to accept the idea that you were leaving them on your own volition. His arms wrap around yours and you shove him off. “Babe?”

You shake your head, standing from your spot on the couch, grabbing ahold of the bag. Billy was still standing near the door, his arms crossed, watching you. “Don’t call me that. The two of you… It’s like I’m not even in this relationship. I’m an outsider with the two people I love and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Billy questions, grabbing ahold of your arm when you try to walk past him. His voice is thick and you could see the vein in his forehead throbbing. He was angry and you hate to admit it but that’s exactly what you were hoping for.

For the next two hours the three of you talk about your relationship and the future of it. Stu cried, you cried, Billy sniffled a few times, and then you came to an agreement. No more secrets. They told you things that they hadn't told anyone before that they hid behind a vague threat of ‘once you hear this you’re stuck with us,’ and you told them things you had planned on taking to your grave. To say you weren’t shocked at what they told you would be a lie.

Murder wasn’t what you thought they were capable of and especially not murder so gruesome. But, oddly, you felt better about being with them. They trusted you, loved you, enough to let you know their biggest and darkest secret. And you loved it.

Knowing they wouldn’t hesitate to kill for you was a major turn on, which they soon found out.

“Wow, I really was kind of horrible, wasn’t I.” You mutter as Billy recounts the memory with a few interruptions by Stu. You didn’t remember it that way but the more they talked the more you could tell they were being honest. “Well, good thing we stuck together, hm? Would have been pretty bad if we hadn’t.”

“Yeah because we would have killed you,” Billy whispers into your ear and you shiver. He’s telling the truth and that’s what makes the relationship the way it is; they choose to be with you, to keep you around, to love you. “Yeah, we would have given you a call a while ago,” Stu says, his finger making a slicing motion across your neck.

You roll your eyes not because you don’t believe them but because you do. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[constant-merlin-torture]

Merlin Thoughts pt1

I’m just gonna copy and paste one of my notes app rants so that I can collect my thoughts.

I think I wrote this in June.

Alright. Rant here. So, I wanna start off by saying that I’m not here to start a ship war—as someone who is trying to claw my way out of this fandom/my obsession, it’s easier for me to fathom my issues with Merlin as a show if I talk my way through it. So here it is.

My biggest thing after thinking and talking and complaining and watching and reading, I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason I had such difficulty watching Arwen on the show was because it felt like 1) the relationship was overcompensating and 2) it felt like Arthur was cheating on Merlin. Now now now I know that the second point is purely subjective, but I want to break down why I felt that way. It honestly felt like it was hard to watch because I would have thought it was cute as hell and would have rooted for it and waited for their interactions—like I do with every show I watch cause I’m a nerd—I instead found myself doing that with Merthur, which for me is a sign that something has gone wrong with the relationship for me to be shipping a relationship that isn’t canon. Arwen would have been SO FUN for me to ship because they have so much cute content. 

Like I rewatched the show for the first time, and like there’s an evil Gwen episode where they are just being SO AFFECTIONATE that I love it, but I can’t love it without feeling weird. I think it’s because I’d prefer watching it if it were Arthur and Merlin. Arwen, to give it credit, is cute and deafeningly affectionate, but it feels that there wouldn’t be so much discussion (literally 15 years worth) if the relationship were solid and Merthur was just a fan hallucination. The fact is—these claims to a relationship between Merlin and Arthur that is a step above friendship are sound. Because I think we can all collectively agree that Merlin and Arthur would have been in a relationship if one of them were a girl, so why is it different when Merlin is a man? We can’t hide behind the excuse of them not being sexually affectionate, when there was physical touching, EYE SEX, jealousy (The evil Gwen episode, Gwaine, Lancelot, hello???), trust, emotional dependency, and the fact that they both definitely loved each other. 

It’s a beautiful friendship, no doubt about it, and I am not hating on people that think of it that way. I like that too! But I prefer them romantically because I think it works better that way. Also, those that say Arthur was actually jealous with Gwen, obviously. He loved Gwen too. But, I don’t think, at least not the way it is, that he loved her more. 

Okay so current time anon here, I just read this after a while and I’m about to get SO ANGRY out of nowhere so just, idk, steel yourself and know that I don’t really feel this way anymore??? I still want to post it to stay true to the original emotions I had, but ngl I’m a little aggressive lol. Again. Again. Again. I love gwen (probs my favorite in seasons 1-3), love Arwen when I watch it and dispel thoughts of Merthur, but prefer merthur. So. here it is.

And, I’m sorry, I’m sick and tired of people saying that they “understand Merthur, but don’t think that the show opting for Arwen was heteronormativity.” It completely fucking was. Arthur and Gwen, for most people, came out of nowhere and the relationship was VERY sappy and it felt like they were screaming at us 

“LOOK! see! THEY ARE IN THE SAME ROOM SO ARTHUR LOVES HER AND oh you don’t believe it???? WELL HERE LETS TAKE GWEN OUT OF THE ROOM AND HAVE HIM BRING HER UP????? oh you’re saying that he does that with Merlin too and more often and louder???????? THEN HERE LETS STICK SOME STUPID PROPHECY OR PREMONITION AND oh you’re saying that he has that with Merlin too, and that he is his destiny????? shit man that makes sense what do we do——LETS JUST SCORE SOME OVERLY ROMANTIC MUSIC AND PUT LIGHT ON ANGEL COULBY CAUSE SHE LOOKS MAGNIFICENT IN IT AND THEN HAVE ARTHUR MAKE HEART EYES ok I know he does that last bit with Merlin too BUT YOU DIDNT EXPECT THAT WED MAKE THEM KISS DID YOU??????oh you did cause that’s usually how shows tell you to ship a couple gotcha well your argument makes sense but sucks to be you but here take some queerbaiting and some overdone Arwen scenes and ooop let’s kill Arthur and byeee.

I’m mad yes.

Okay thats it. That’s the rant I wrote in my notes app. It’s funny to see how angry I got, but I think I’m better able to collect my thoughts now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. Don’t judge till I’ve posted that tomorrow!

[idy-ll-ique]

just for laughs

pairing: chris evans x f!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mention of a shitty ex, mentions of insecurities

requested: nope

word count: ~1.2k

summary: chris helps y/n overcome an insecurity of hers

author's note: hiya peeps! enjoy!

masterlist

---

Chris was upset.

Chris was upset because his girlfriend was upset.

Did he absolutely know she was upset?

Nope!

But she had to be because she wasn't laughing at any of his jokes.

"Hey hey hey, look at this one I found—" he chuckled as he looked up, just as she turned her head towards him. "What is it?" Y/N grinned. "This pick-up line from the show Wild n Out. It says, girl are your parents beavers? 'Cause you built like DAYUM," Chris said and Y/N grinned hugely, causing his face to fall. Nope, didn't work yet again. "Hah, that's hilarious! If you had said that to me I'd have accepted it."

"Yeah," he mumbled and continued scrolling, leaving Y/N to do whatever she was doing (which was trying to fall asleep because it was very late at night).

Chris and Y/N had started dating a month ago, and they were extremely happy in their relationship. Chris loved almost everything about her— almost, because the only thing he hated about her was the fact that she never laughed at any of his jokes.

She'd verbally confirm that the joke was good but she'd never, ever laugh. He only got smiles or grins from her and he couldn't understand why. Some of the jokes he made caused whole rooms to erupt into boisterous laughter but he never got a laugh out of her. And that made him very sad. If she liked his jokes, why did she never laugh? Turning towards her, he smiled when he saw her fast asleep.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." Keeping his phone away, he lay down next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist from behind, spooning her. He fell asleep just minutes later.

---

"Okay, that's it! That's it! I have to ask you!" Chris slammed his hand on the desk in front of him, startling Y/N. 8 months had now passed since they started dating and Chris was tired. Tired, because for 8 months she hadn't laughed at any of his jokes. Not one. Not even a tiny chuckle or a giggle or a titter. Only a smile and, "the joke was hilarious!" Why was she not laughing? "Chris, is everything okay?" He shook his head.

"Nothing is okay. I'm going to be blunt here— why don't you ever laugh at any of my jokes? I'm dying to hear you laugh, sweetheart, you always tell me my jokes are good but you never ever laugh! Wouldn't a laugh be a much better and quicker way of telling me you think I'm hilarious? It's just— it's been 8 months…" Y/N pursed her lips and looked down, scratching her arm.

"No, Chris, your jokes are awesome, I swear," she began, "It's just— I haven't— it's been a long time since I've… actually laughed. It's not you, it's me." Her confession shocked him. He went to the couch and sat next to her, taking her hand in his. "How long has it been…?" he whispered, quickly regretting his outburst as a tear slipped down her cheek. She turned and buried her face in the crook of his neck. "A few years."

"Years?! You haven't laughed in years?" he blurted out, his heart shattering into two as Y/N sniffled and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Chris," she sobbed and Chris pulled her on his lap, shaking his head. "Don't be sorry, love, we can talk about this." She curled up into him as he wrapped his arms around her middle, her head now resting on his shoulder.

Both her legs were thrown on one side of Chris' legs. "What do you want to know?"

"Why."

"It's just—" Her arms tightened around his waist. "I used to date this g-guy and when we broke up he said some very v-vile things to me and it took me years to get rid of my insecurities but what he said to me about m-my laugh— it never left me. I eventually just— forgot how to laugh. I'm so sorry, Chris, you have to go through this because of him—" Chris saw red. Someone told her her laugh was ugly?

How can people even have the nerve to say such things to another being? "He told you your laugh was ugly?" Chris asked quietly, letting out a growl when Y/N nodded. "How fucking dare he?! Tell me his address, I'm gonna go over right now, punch him in his stupid fucking face and maybe kick him a couple times in the balls, then we'll see whose cry is ugly, fuckin' asshole!"

Chris' angry outburst made Y/N pull away from him as she cupped his cheek, shaking her head. "Don't do it, it's not worth it. I'll work on it for you, I promise. Besides, I don't even know where he lives," she smiled and Chris let out a chuckle, holding her face in his hands just like she was holding his. Then he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you so much, darling, just want you to remember: no one's laugh is ever ugly. Because what is a laugh, anyway? A sound of excitement, a sound someone makes when they're so happy they can't contain it. It is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, a person being so elated they just have to let the world know that they're super happy. And I bet you have the best one. We're going to work on it together."

Y/N was in tears once again because what he was saying was true. It was a sound of joy, and someone being joyful isn't a bad thing at all. "We will," she agreed and Chris smiled to himself as she cuddled into his arms again.

He couldn't wait to hear her laugh.

---

"And then he was like that's too hard and you know what I said? You'd know about that, you're the expert on hard things!" Chris wheezed as he finished telling Y/N an incident that had happened that day. Instead of smiling and saying anything, Y/N laughed loudly, surprising both herself and Chris. She covered her mouth with a shocked look on her face as Chris let out a triumphant "yes!", pulling her into his arms.

"I laughed," she whispered, a broad smile showing up on her face, "I actually laughed! Chris, I did it!" She squealed and gave him a big smooch on the lips. He grinned broadly and pulled her in for another short kiss. "And I knew your laugh was going to be the best sound in the world! You mean to say I've been missing out on that for a year?! Man, now I wanna beat up your ex even more badly—"

Y/N chuckled and patted his chest, stopping his rant. "Chris, leave it be. In Elsa's words, the past in the past." He only rolled his eyes and kissed her again. "I love you so much," he whispered and she gave him a tiny smile, snuggling into his chest. "I love you too, you helped me come over an insecurity of mine, how can I ever thank you?" He smirked suggestively at her and she laughed again, shaking her head.

"Christopher Robert Evans, you incorrigible man!"

"I'm just saying!"

"Fine, come here."

"Wait what—"

---

a/n: thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

[untaemedqueen]

Third Wheeling

CEO!Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut

Chapter 29.

Warnings (Updating Still): Smut, Cheating, Unexpected Pregnancy, Unfaithful, Emotional Damage, Love

Warnings For This Chapter: Pre-Wedding Jitters, Dirty Talk, Daddy Kink, Fingering, Praise, Lactation Kink, Milk Drinking, Pregnancy Kink, Wife Kink, Glazed Donut!OC

A/N: Today’s chapter is late because I’ve been busy playing New Pokemon Snap... sry. Shout out to @xjoonchildx, @ladyartemesia and @ppersonna because I’d be lost without them.

There are undoubtedly many events in life that make a person nervous -- your first day of high school and college, your first kiss, your first sexual experience, and for some even your first phone call you give to your doctor when you're no longer under your parents protection. But no one -- not a single person, told you how nervous your wedding day is.

Maybe it's the amount of people that are attending. Two hundred is no small number.

Or maybe it's the fact that with your belly sticking out so far you can barely see your feet makes you feel like you'll be judged.

Whatever it is, the feeling fucking sucks.

You've seen so many movies where the woman who is getting married is all laughs and smiles, giving cheers to anyone and everyone because it's her wedding day. But now, you can officially say it's bullshit.

The best part is, it isn't even today, it's tomorrow and you still are frightened to the bone at the thought.

"-And I mean, yeah. Fine. We chose the taupe napkins but who the fuck is Aubrey to say anything, y'know? Like she knows her colors… Evil witch. I swear I don't know how she passed kindergarten!"

Leena's rant drifts through your ears like a soft breeze. You haven't been paying attention for a while, if you're being honest.

"Y/N? Are you listening to me?!" Leena gawks, grabbing her glass of champagne from Taehyung's hand.

Again, you're caught up in your own mind. You play every scenario of how tomorrow will be and they all seem to be terrible ideas.

What if you trip walking down the aisle?

What if your heel snaps on the way up?

What if your water breaks in front of two hundred people?

What if-

A small square of balsamic bruschetta appears in front of your face and your eyes narrow at the piece of bread.

You feel your soon-to-be husband's fingers pushing back some stray hairs behind your ear. "Food for thought?" he quips happily.

He has not had a frown on his face in what seems like forever. You adore it, you really do. But how can he not be nervous? Your heart is practically thrumming out of your chest.

"Open," he whispers.

Reluctantly, you open your mouth for the appetizer. When he leans in, you look back down at your lap.

"I can see your heart racing through the artery in your neck," he murmurs against your ear.

His hand squeezes your knee under the table reassuringly as he pulls away.

Yoongi wants to pry, he wants to ask you what's got you so in your own head but there are a few too many people here for that.

"Noona, you're an amazing cook." Jeongguk whines, grabbing another piece of steak off the platter.

"You're actually disgusting." Jimin breathes, wrinkling his nose at the youngest's third steak.

"I need my meat, that's how I win in the ring. Gets me all big and strong." Guk beams, cutting into the large t-bone.

"That's what she said!" Hoseok and Taehyung chirp at the same time.

You watch as they high five each other with child-like smiles plastered onto their faces.

"Are you tired? Do you want to call it a night?" your fiance inquires softly, turning his whole body towards you so the rest of the room can't hear him.

You would never want to take away from the festivities. It's just that your stupid anxiety is overwhelming. Looking over at your handsome partner, your fingers intertwine with his. He's quick to kiss the back of your hand, searching your eyes for some sort of hint as to why you're so down.

"No. I'm fine. I'm sorry." you reply, giving him a small smile.

His eyes narrow at your smile and he takes a sharp breath through his teeth in confusion.

"Al...right, if you say so." he says unsurely, running your intertwined hands over your belly.

"Y/N!" Leena whines from across the table and this time you give her your full attention.

You need to try and push this anxiousness elsewhere even for a little while. You will not be a horrible host.

"Yes Beena," you inquire, leaning your chin on your hand.

"Did you hear me? Did you hear what Kim Aubrey said about my wedding planning skills?!" she screeches.

You can only snort as all eyes around the table land on you. "I don't know why you indulge her. Isn't she the one that shit her pants in chemistry when she was fifteen?"

Yoongi laughs loudly, throwing his head back and placing his hand on his chest.

"Actually yeah, she sat two rows behind me!" Namjoon chimes in with wide eyes. His nose wrinkles at the sudden memory and you don't blame him as he pushes his plate away in a sudden state of queasiness.

"So I don't suck at wedding planning?" your best friend pouts across the long table to you.

"Absolutely not." you insist, winking at her.

"This wedding is going to be the biggest event of the entire year. Maybe even the biggest event of the next ten years." Anna, Jimin's wife cheers.

Oh.

Good.

Love that.

"Well, I think we just want people to have a good time. We aren't worried about what impact it will have." Yoongi says quickly, caressing his thumb over the back of your hand to calm you down.

He's not dumb. He's figured it out by now, but he'll still want to hear it from your lips later on.

"Yeah right. 'Min Yoongi and his artistically talented fiance WOW people with their show stopping matrimony' is gonna be on the cover of Dispatch in two days." Hoseok murmurs.

"Oh yeah? And you're gonna be the one giving them the hot scoop, then?" Namjoon jeers, pointing his index finger over the lip of his glass of brandy at the handsome man.

Hobi sneers in his direction and Yoongi can only respond with a chuckle.

"My fiance is pretty show stopping." the CEO surmises, leaning back in his chair.

"Please. I'm eating. Christ." Leena groans through a mouthful of pasta.

It is nice to have so many close friends around tonight though. You hope it can distract you long enough for the nervousness brewing and bubbling inside of you to subside.

When conversations begin to break up and become between smaller groups of people, you can feel his eyes on you like a heat source.

"Little dove?" Yoongi coos softly, rubbing your distended side.

You hum to him, turning to give him your full attention.

"Tomorrow is going to be beautiful and perfect." he promises, tilting your chin up with his index finger.

"No, I know. I'm just-"

"Worried." he finishes for you and he's not surprised to see your reluctant nod of agreement.

"I know. I'm nervous too." he admits, kissing your cheek.

"You've already gotten married before," you scoff, allowing his arm to curl around your shoulders.

"Actually I was black out drunk and can't remember a single thing because I was venomously angry with the dumb bitch that ruined my life before you." he replies with a wide smile.

"Oh. Good." you reply, rolling your eyes at his playfulness.

"So this is my first real wedding too. And even though I'm nervous, I'm excited. Because then when the wedding is over and we get to our honeymoon-"

"Uh uh." you gasp, smushing your finger to his lips.

He pouts against your finger, kissing it softly. "What?" he garbles against your digit.

"We have company." you whisper fiercely.

"Didn't stop you a few days ago when you sucked my cock beneath the desk upstairs while I was on a video meeting." he deadpans, pulling your hand away from his face.

"Yoongi!" you gasp, glancing over the table who hasn't heard a single thing.

You'd like to keep it that way.

"I can't wait to fuck your little pregnant cunt as you're Mrs. Min Yoongi." he beams, kissing your temple.

You can feel your cheeks flushing with embarrassment and you can only blame the man beside you for that one.

When you smack his chest out of shame, the noise echoes throughout the room, earning attention from all of the guests.

"Abuse is not nice, Y/N. Do you want to file a lawsuit, Yoongi?" Yoona quips, sticking her tongue out at you.

The CEO chuckles, squeezing your shoulder with glee. "No, she couldn't handle my lawyers." he bubbles.

"Oh yeah, you know you aren't supposed to sleep with each other tonight, right?" Leena inquires, moving her fork between the both of you.

The cackle Yoongi gives is loud and absurd, much like your best friend's comment. "I can't do anything to her she doesn't have proof of." he banters, pointing at your large belly.

Leena scoffs, pointing down at her plate. "Again. Eating. Gross." she enunciates, pouring herself another glass of expensive champagne.

Jimin's laugh rings throughout the dining room and Yoongi knows that he's the only person who could truly understand him in that moment.

"Why do people do that dumb tradition anyway?" Jeongguk asks, finally finishing his food.

"It actually comes from arranged marriages. When people didn't know who they were marrying." Yoona informs him.

"Fuck that luck shit. That's the saying, isn't it? 'It's bad luck to see the bride' or something like that." Hoseok breathes.

"I think I'm lucky," Yoongi, Namjoon and Jimin reply all at once.

Your best friend takes the opportunity to sneer at her boyfriend and you can't help but giggle at his hopeless expression. "You know I love you, baby." Taehyung coos, sliding his arm over her shoulders.

"Mhm." she drolls, rolling her eyes when both of you look at one another.

"What's for dessert?" Jeongguk asks pleasantly, tying his long black hair up into a ponytail.

"Are you serious? You're not full?" Namjoon gawks at the boxer.

"I was saving room for dessert!" he beams, looking over at you expectantly.

Jeongguk is sweet, sweeter than most younger men you've ever met. He feels something akin to a little brother to you at this point and it's wonderful to see that even if you're rich you can still have manners.

"I made just a simple cobbler, since the wedding cake tomorrow is going to be super heavy and rich." you announce.

Yoongi shoves his chair back, holding out his hand to help you up like the gentleman he is.

He watches you carefully sprinkle powdered sugar atop the dessert with warm eyes.

You don't know how difficult it's going to be walking up that aisle tomorrow, but you do know that your ankles are going to be on fire. They already are.

He picks up the ceramic dish for you, nodding to the chair for you to sit back down and your heart warms for what feels like the billionth time today.

He's such a special person.

"Yoongi is really cool these days, huh?" Jimin jeers, elbowing your fiance when he steps between him and Jeongguk to place the dessert onto the table.

"I've always been cool," he counters, nudging the younger man back

"Well…" Jeongguk and Taehyung droll at the same time.

"Whatever," the CEO breathes, rolling his eyes.

Your giggle seems to light up the room as well as Yoongi's heart. Slamming down in his chair beside you, he can't help the glee that courses through him.

He can't wait for tomorrow.

Climbing into bed, you let the mattress mold to your body and it feels like heaven to be finally laying down, your body certainly thanks you for it.

Yoongi leans against the wall, watching as you sigh happily. "I can just come to bed y'know? I don't need to stay up and hang out." he offers, padding towards you.

"No, that wouldn't be fair. It's your bachelor party. You should be able to play poker and drink." you reply, cupping your stomach.

His eyes drift over you and you can see how soft his expression is in the dim lighting. "You got out of your bachelorette party," he adds, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I have a reason. I'm pregnant." you deadpan, lifting your head to look at him.

"With my baby," he coos, stretching up the bed to lay down beside you.

"Don't get comfy." you warn him, running your fingers over his clothed chest.

"I'm not, I'll just stay until you fall asleep." he promises, kissing your forehead.

His hand drifts over your stomach and the tiny kick he feels makes his heart beat faster. "Hey, kid. How you doin' in there?" he whispers, running his thumb over the spot his son just hit.

You hum gently, letting your eyes flutter closed.

"I'm so tired but I'm so nervous." you announce in the quiet room.

Your fiance looks away from your belly to look over at you. "It's okay to be nervous, but don't let it supersede your happiness for tomorrow either."

You nod gently, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I just have so many scenarios going through my head."

"And none of them are nice, I'm sure." he replies, booping your nose with his index finger.

Scoffing in agreement, you bury your face into his sweet smelling neck.

"I can make you cum, it might make you sleepy," he offers.

"I can't return the favor though, I'm too tired. It'll be unfair," you whine.

When he clicks his teeth, you only hold him tighter to your body.

"I don't need you to 'return the favor' when you love someone as much as I love you, you'd do anything to see them comfortable." he replies, kissing the top of your head.

"They're waiting for you downstairs." you remind him.

"Let them wait. You come first," he breathes, running the tips of his fingers over your soft inner thighs.

You whine in disagreement but your body betrays you naturally. Your legs spread wider and your breath hitches, your lips softly suckle on the thin skin of his neck waiting patiently for what he will do next.

"Your skin is so soft," he whispers, tugging the seat of your panties to the side.

He pulls away from you just far enough to be able to see how well he pleases you and he's already aroused at the sight.

Your eyes are low with lust, bottom lip clamped between your teeth. Your nipples are stiff peaks, straining against the grey silk nightgown you adorn. He can see the grey fabric becoming darker with each passing second as you bead milk.

"God," he groans, parting your lower lips.

"Tomorrow when we fly to Japan, I'm gonna fuck you in every way you could possibly think of." he promises, running his middle finger through your arousal.

"H-How?" you inquire curiously, gasping when he taps the pad of his finger to your clit.

His lips part and his teeth clamp down on one of the cups of your nightgown before pulling down harshly.

You whimper at the chilly air that glides over your now exposed skin.

He lays soft, hot opened mouthed kisses to your nipple, watching your eyebrows furrow in pleasure.

"How am I going to fuck you?" he prods.

You nod fervently, capturing your index finger between your teeth.

"Well," he begins, drawing smooth, slow circles to your swelling clit, "I'll start on the red eye. I'll take you back to the bedroom and take off that pretty wedding dress you'll be wearing just for me."

"Daddy," you whimper, spreading your legs wider for more.

He hums in agreement, pulling off your underwear to free you completely before him.

"I'm gonna make sure the whole crew of my plane knows you're getting fucked by your husband. Gonna have you screaming my name while I fuck your tight little pussy with my thick cock." he avows, kissing over your shoulder.

His words send shivers up your spine and your toes curl with excitement.

"Fuck," you whimper, grinding your hips down onto his hand.

"Gonna hold your big belly in my hands while I fuck you from behind. Let your milk drip all over the sheets of the bed on the plane. You're gonna beg me to go harder, to fill your dirty pregnant cunt full of my cum. I'm gonna make you feel so good, you aren't even going to care that everyone can hear you calling me daddy."

Shoving two fingers inside of you, he skillfully taps the soft patch of nerves within you and your brain is already firing on all cylinders to cum for him. His thumb begins to press harder circles into your clit and when you cup your belly, his eyes roll back at the sight.

"Gonna get you to the secluded hotel and fuck you out on the balcony, in the bath tub, on the bed, anywhere I can get my hands on you. Because I need you wrapped around me. Always." he murmurs into your ear.

"Shit!" you cry out, letting your head loll back to the pillow.

"Good girl, little dove." he praises, unbuttoning his pants for relief.

The head of his cock peeks out from the lip of his briefs and you whimper at the pearl of precum that beads at the tip.

"You're so beautiful," he breathes, kissing from your collarbone to your pert nipple.

When he suckles softly, your hips lift at the erotocism. He moans at the taste of your milk and his hand ghosts over his hard cock.

"Daddy," you cry out, starting to shake from the overwhelming pleasure.

Sitting up on his knees, he shoves his pants down further. He parts your legs wider and he doesn't seem to care that all of his friends are waiting patiently for him downstairs.

His cock ruts between your folds and you're ever so close to cumming with every swipe the head of his cock brushes against your clit.

"So warm," he murmurs, purchasing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Your moans begin to get louder and he knows you're so close to releasing your pleasure.

"That's it baby, you're so close." Yoongi notices, running his hands over your stomach.

"O-Oh my God!" you cry out, grabbing his hands over your belly.

"I know, little dove. Feels good, huh?" he coos.

You're so obscenely wet, that even without him being inside you he's finding himself close to his own end.

It's just you in general, you overstimulate him in ways he can barely understand.

"Daddy, I'm gonna cum." you bleat, gripping his hands harder.

"Cum for me, little dove. I want to see your pretty face when you cum for me." he begs, rutting his hips harder against your core.

You do as told, cumming for him with white spotted eyes and loud sobs of pleasure.

"Good girl," he praises, pulling away from your weeping pussy.

He fists his cock in hand, dragging the swollen, leaking tip over your belly. "Such a pretty woman I have beneath me. Fuck," he curses, jerking his hand faster.

Even as tiredness begins to shroud you, you want him to orgasm too. "Daddy, cum all over my belly. Want to feel your warm cum."

He takes a sharp breath between his teeth, his eyes snapping to yours.

When you palm your breasts, his eyes immediately falter to them. You pinch your nipples purposefully, earning droplets of milk that stream slowly over your digits.

"Oh fuck!" he gasps loudly, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Want your cum so badly," you whimper, looking up at him with doe-like eyes.

"Yeah? You want me to cum all over your belly?" he prods, feeling his balls tightening.

You nod fervently, leaving your breasts to rub circles to your distended skin.

"Fuck!" he curses, squeezing his eyes shut as his orgasm courses through him. His cock throbs and stutters in his hand and you hum with satisfaction when you feel his warm cum land on your belly.

"God, you're too sexy for your own good." the father of your child jeers, sitting back on the heels of his feet.

You find yourself giving a tired giggle and your eyelids slowly begin to shield your eyes from view.

"Good girl." he whispers softly, hopping off the bed to clean your stomach.

When he comes back with a wet towel, he can see that you're already fast asleep. He's happy knowing that you'll be able to sleep even if it's only for a few hours.

He can understand your worries and your fears but he wants you to be able to enjoy your wedding too.

Kissing your forehead as he cleans your belly, he sighs softly. "My wife," he breathes, closing his eyes.

"I'll be back later, my love." he promises, tossing the rag back into the bathroom.

Yoongi covers your naked body with the comforter and his heart is thudding in the recesses of his chest with joy.

Just a few more hours and you'll be legally his.

"Remind me why we're playing poker the night before your wedding instead of going out?" Taehyung asks, throwing chips into the center of the green felted table.

"Because there's no pregnant strippers around these parts," Jimin jeers, picking up his beer.

Yoongi sneers at the younger man beside him, elbowing him almost out of embarrassment.

"What? If I could go see a pregnant strip show, believe me, I would."

"We know." everyone replies, rolling their eyes.

"Last time you had a bachelor party, man, that shit was fun." the hotel CEO recalls.

"You had fun." Yoongi reminds him, ashing his cigar.

"Also, aren't you completely smitten with Leena anyway? You want her to have your baby." Namjoon prods, placing his cards down on the table.

Taehyung smirks at his comment, leaning back into his chair and slinging his arm over the lip. "Oh, I'm very happy. She's everything I could possibly want." he affirms, smiling to himself.

"Then why do you want to go to a strip club?" Hoseok adds, throwing chips onto the table.

"Because I like tits. Jesus Christ, just crucify me why don't you!" Tae replies appalled.

Yoongi snorts loudly, clamping his teeth down on his cigar.

He wonders if you're okay, if you've woken up in the past few hours due to his son being so active.

His fingers flex uncomfortably and he's still surprised how much his life has changed in such a small amount of time. He's gone from being a violent, sadistic, narcissistic asshole to being a needy, loving and adoring man. And that's all thanks to you.

You've completely changed the pattern of his DNA and he could never appreciate you as much as you deserve.

"You excited for tomorrow, hyung?" Guk's voice pulls him from his thoughts and he smirks at the younger man.

"Very excited but very nervous." he admits to his group of friends.

"I remember the night of his other wedding. He was so fucking drunk he could barely stand up on his own." Jimin recalls with a laugh.

"I had to hold him up with my shoulder from behind so he didn’t fall backwards." Namjoon adds with a sharp laugh.

Yoongi smirks to himself, looking down at his pocket which holds his wallet. "Well, I'm just glad we don't have to have a repeat of that horrible day again."

"You got lucky dude, not many people find their soulmate when they were an asshole like you were." Hoseok says, pointing at the Kisung CEO.

His sneer is terrifying but probably only to himself as the other men laugh at Hobi's words.

"Y/N completely made him do a 180." Joon concurs.

"I like Y/N noona a lot. She fits in well and she's always optimistic and sweet. We needed someone like her in our lives." Guk beams and your soon-to-be husband seems to glow in their praise.

He loves hearing his friends talk so highly of you. He loves knowing that you're loved for being yourself, especially because you don't know it very often.

He can remember when he first met you, in the back of Seokjin's club. You were sweet and kind but a smart ass and cheeky at the same time. You intrigued him on so many levels and he can remember how badly he wanted to destroy you. But he never would have expected to fall in love with you as earnestly as he has.

And he wouldn't change it for anything in the universe.

"Leena has been putting in so much work for this wedding, you would think it's hers." Taehyung laughs, pulling Yoongi out of his reverie.

"And when are you getting married to her then?" the Kisung CEO inquires, ashing his cigar.

The question seems to stupify the handsome hotel owner, he stutters and shifts awkwardly in his seat trying to reply to the sudden question.

"Jesus, you broke him!" Jimin laughs, clapping his best friend on the back.

Taehyung's cheeks burn bright red and his hand immediately cups the back of his neck out of embarrassment. "I mean I bought a ring. I just haven't thought of anything romantic to y'know… ask her."

Beer goes flying out of Jimin's mouth and the sneer Yoongi gives makes him want to die on the spot.

"Jimin. You're paying for the new felt, you fucking animal." Yoongi gripes, watching Namjoon and Hoseok heartily laugh at the younger man.

"That'll be great! Leena noona is really nice!" Jeongguk cheers, hugging Taehyung happily.

"Thanks…" Tae breathes embarrassed.

Yoongi winks at him and he isn't surprised in the slightest, he knows just how smitten the man is with your best friend.

"Yoongi?"

The voice is gentle and tired.  In an instant he's burning out his cigar and waving the smoke away.

"Yeah, baby?" he calls to you, disregarding the others in the library.

"Just checking to see if you were all still here," you murmur, stepping into the library doorway.

You're beautiful in the dim glow of the library's lights and the smile that spreads over his face is heart shatteringly perfect.

"Still here." he beams, padding over to you.

"Okay." you bleat, rubbing your sleep hooded eyes.

"What're you doing up, my dove? You must be so tired." he inquires, pushing hair back behind your ear.

"I'm thirsty. Wanted water." you chirp, pressing your forehead into his chest.

"Okay. Get your water and I'll be up in a few minutes. Alright?" he promises, tipping your chin up with his index finger.

You hum in agreement, starting to yawn.

He chuckles at your sleepy state, kissing your forehead. He pats your backside for good measure before turning to his friends that are seated around the poker table.

"I think it's time to get some rest before the big day tomorrow."

The guys hum in agreement, tossing down their cards and standing up.

"Tomorrow's gonna be great, man. I'm really happy for you." Joon whispers, patting his shoulder as he heads out first.

Yoongi can only agree with a wide smile.

Tomorrow is the start to the rest of his life. And it's perfect, just like you.

Next Chapter ----->

Third Wheeling Taglist -  @wickizer, @imluckybitches, @slothykrueger, @claireelise19, @ggukkieland, @rspbrryy, @iv-bts, @bambuzlee, @chanelbts, @mxxngxdss, @bluewhale52, @milesjeon11, @diamonddia-mond, @vinylphwoar, @xnxy97, @hubbytaehyung, @140503at-dawn, @bts-7beauts, @jadeblackwoll, @sunshiine-hobii, @creatorspalace, @eclectically-esoteric, @nikkiordonez12, @kaitswrld, @skamlover200, @sevgilove98, @kooeuphoria, @jikooksgirl19, @hobbledehoy26, @singular-itae, @dchimminie, @lowlifeoeuvre, @sugaslittlekookies, @bloopbloopb, @pjmcth, @softysuho, @codeinbelle, @jaiuneamesolitaiire, @betysotelo18, @jeonmisha, @iwanttohitmyself, @ayyyocee, @neverthefirstchoice, @itsbangtanoclock, @little7bitchh, @veryuniquenamegoeshere, @deathkat657, @firstlovesuga-93, @namjoonia, @paperpurple, @muzikabijou, @liebeoppa, @veronawrites, @kleff03, @ruinsofangels, @brightwingr5, @leekanchol, @rkivemagic, @ithinkileftmycoatoutside, @melaninkpops, @y00ngisbabygirl, @ungodlyjoon, @prochnost513, @dunixxd, @athenakyle, @igotnotype, @chxmachxps, @tinymintyoongi, @vangameren-blog, @alpaca1612, @ohcarolinamin, @thegreatestsushi​, @eltrain80, @btsmylife21, @deeepvibes, @httpminyg, @deliciouslydisturbed365​, @rkchmestizangmaldita​, @jimin-chu, @pimpnameyannie​, @preciouschimine​, @daughterofthequeen, @monetsberet​, @vanillamyg, @aamxxrii​, @kooafraid​, @ladykadyrova​, @singjisu​, @yazanii​, @moonlitmyg​, @justzeera​, @absolutefantrash​, @whocaresarchives​, @loosewindmill, @vantesfx​, @bt21chim​, @flowerboyhobi​, @kozuume-kenma, @taepiper​

Sorry for those it didn’t tag!

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || He Walks Out In A Fight [Request]

A/N: I tried to give them all different tropes/AU’s so that it could be different from my other works! I have a mixture of angsty endings and fluffy endings! Sorry guys no part 2 💞💕

SEOKJIN: (Non Idol Au)

Jin stared at you as you accused him of once again cheating on you, his phone was in your hand unlocked but he just stared at you. He knew for a fact that he had nothing to hide from you, that he would never cheat on you since you were the love of his life but no matter what you found a way to say he was cheating. Finding girls names in his contacts and not believing that they were people from work, messages from girls you'd never heard of before all messaging him and asking him questions about his day with flirty suggestive comments attached to them. 

"You have guys in your messages, do you see me kicking off like this?" He asked calmly as he stared at you, you shook your head at him. 

"I tell them I've got a boyfriend unlike you. You just thank them and then give them a compliment!" You yelled out, throwing his phone in his direction as he caught it, looking at the messages to a girl he was supposedly cheating on you with. "Ashley" a guy friend from work who he was going out for a drink with that weekend, 

"You're going out for a drink with her, so tell me. What's she like? Is she pretty?" Jin groaned as you continued to yell out questions about someone called Ashley who you were convinced was a girl when in actual reality he was the newest member of Jin's work. 

"She's a he and we're going to get drinks with work buddies. You're reading too much into this," He was starting to feel defeated as he stared at you but you shook your head. Adamant that he was cheating on you so you just stared at him. 

"It's fine if you want to sleep with other people Jin, I already slept with your best friend." Jin's mouth fell open as he stared at you dumbfounded that you would just openly admit to cheating on him when you had just been ranting and raving about him messaging someone else. 

"Un-fucking-believable," He grumbled as he began walking out of the house but you followed him over to his car, 

"Not nice when it's the other way around is it?!" You snapped as he got into the car and started up his engine, 

"The difference is Y/n, I never cheated." He drove out of the drive way and off into the night, going to stay at a friends place while he cleared his head from you.

YOONGI: (Reader is a Rich CEO)

There was no secret that your relationship with Yoongi wasn't always perfect, every small fight and debate between the two of you were splashed around the headlines since you were a famous CEO which meant cameras followed you everywhere you went. Including secret spending sprees when you told Yoongi that you had an important business meeting instead of a shopping spree. 

"I don't see the big deal with going shopping, it's my money." It was true that you could do whatever you wanted with your money but that wasn't what Yoongi was mad about. He was angry at the fact that you had once again lied to him about where you had been and it was starting to get on his nerves. 

"I've been at home waiting for you, the least you could have done was called." He snapped at you, making you roll your eyes as you shook your head at him.

"I'm too tired for this fight, can we just drop it?" You moaned as you sat down on the sofa waiting for this all to be over but Yoongi wasn't going to drop it this easily. 

"All you do is spend, spend, spend your money! Do you know the only thing you don't do? You never want to spend time with me. We could have had a nice day out but you never bother to!" You rolled your eyes standing up suddenly, 

"Do you have any idea how much of a bitch you sound right now?" The words flew out before you even had time to process what you were saying and Yoongi stared at you a little shocked, 

"You're just jealous because I earn more money than you'll ever make in four years. So yes! I went out and I spent money on myself because I fucking earned it! What's wrong? I didn't spend my money on you?" Yoongi grabbed his coat from the coat rack and you stormed after him, telling him not to walk out of the door or things would be over for good. 

"Great! Then I won't have to deal with you anymore," He yelled at you as you stared back at him just as shocked as he had been when you bought up the fact that you earned more money than him.  You knew it was his biggest insecurity while he was with you, all of the media portrayed him as a money-grabbing man and he was now sure that you felt the same way. 

"You're unbelievable," He told you before walking out of the door, shutting it behind him as he began his walk into the town not wanting to take the car that you'd bought for him.

The media was all over the breakup within days of it happening, everyone taking his side instead of yours as news broke out about what you had said to him in the midst of your fight. It was made clear that Yoongi wasn't going to go back to you even if you begged him to.

HOSEOK: (Non idol AU)

"We have to talk about this," Hoseok said as he stared at you, you were sitting across from him in your kitchen, a positive pregnancy test laid out in front of him as he glanced to and from it. 

"Talk about what?" You whispered as you looked back at Hoseok, you'd hoped when you told him you were pregnant you would be overcome with a wave of relief but you weren't, it only made you worry more and more about it. You'd gone through everything in your head, neither of you was ready to bring a child into the world. Neither of you earned enough to support three people and there was no way the tiny apartment you were living in would be big enough for you two and a growing child. 

"We're too young for this," You shook your head, sliding the test into the bin as you pulled out some papers on adoption, it was the one thing you'd had on your mind since finding out you were pregnant. 

"You want to give our baby away?" His question was laced with venom and you shook your head, 

"We could give a family a new start, someone that's been wanting kids for a while could finally have one." You tried to explain it but Hoseok wasn't listening to reason he began shaking his head, telling you that he wanted to keep the child with you and him. 

"We can be a family-"

"We aren't ready Hoseok! You still act like an immature child! We don't even own a place or car big enough to grow a family. Can't you see this is for the better," You had tears running down your cheeks but Hoseok was shaking his head, all he could hear was how you'd called him an immature child.

"I can provide for us all, I'll give us a good life-"

"I would love to keep them with you but With what? We don't earn enough, we're still too young for this Hobi." But he shook his head at you again, getting up and heading to the door. Further proving your point that he acted like a child whenever he could get his own way. 

"Just walk away like you always do," You mumbled as he slammed the door behind himself. 

A month later Hoseok showed up at your doorstep, flowers in hand with a box. 

"Is this your way of proposing?" You asked unimpressed as you stared at him, the two of you had only been in contact over text messages and neglected to bring up the pregnancy conversation with one another. This was the first time you'd seen him face to face since the fight. 

"Open the box." He sighed putting the flowers down on your counter and watching as you opened the box, frowning when you saw two sets of keys inside. 

"What's this?" You pulled them out and Hoseok smiled, 

"The first is the key to our new minivan and the second is the key to our new place...A house...Somewhere we can raise our little one together...If you want to." Your eyes lit up as you stared at Hoseok wondering how he'd gotten all of this in such a short amount of time.

"I've had the house for a while...I-I'd been doing it up and so I took some paid holidays and finished it. The car is on finance but with my promotion, we can do this." All you did was lean forward and kiss him deeply.

NAMJOON: (Mafia AU)

"Where have you been? I've been calling you all night long!" Namjoon called out as you walked through the door, all night? It wasn't even 5 pm yet. You dropped the bag you'd carried home from work and sighed as he rushed to your sighed, watching you closely. 

"I had a meeting, it ran late. I text you." You whined, hanging up your shoes and coat, not ready for the same long and boring speech that he always gave to you whenever you were late or not somewhere he could see you. 

"You could have gotten hurt, someone could have hurt you." He panicked, taking your face in his hands and turning it in different directions so he could see if you had been hurt or if you were even really you. Lately, he'd been more paranoid than usual and it was starting to bug you with the constant questioning about where you were every minute of every day. 

"I'm fine. I got a ride home with Jimin, Joonie I'm fine." You got out of his grasp and headed towards the kitchen, wanting to get a strong drink if you were going to have to go through the speech about you needing a guard around you. Namjoon was in business with the Mafia and he was dating you which meant you were a walking target, anybody could decide to grab you at any point in time but you didn't want a guard, you didn't want to be protected all of the time. 

"I don't need someone telling me when and where I can't do or go somewhere Namjoon!" You finally snapped as he brought up the idea of a guard once again. The glass was smashed onto the table as you slammed it down too hard and you let out a hiss as you saw some blood coming from a small cut. Namjoon instantly went into panic mode, grabbing onto you and trying to force you to go to the hospital but you backed away from him wanting to scream out. 

"You're so fucking overprotective! Leave me alone! I am fine!" You screamed as you finally reached your breaking point, Namjoon stared at you in silence as he waited to see if you were serious.

"I'm overprotective?"

"Yes! You never let me do anything, do you know how pathetic it is?!" That was all it took, he walked out of the house leaving you in complete silence and on your own as he went to clear his head. 

Namjoon came back to the house the next day to find you curled up in his bed wearing one of his shirts, tear stains down your face. 

"Babe?" He frowned as he walked over to you, dropping his keys onto the counter thinking something was wrong but as soon as you heard him you jumped up. Running over as you wrapped your arms around his neck, begging him not to leave you like that again.

"What happened?" He asked as he pulled away, holding your face as he looked into your eyes ready to kill whoever had hurt you but you shook your head. 

"I-I just realised why you're so protective...I-I should have been more considerate...Last night I couldn't eat or sleep because you weren't here," You began crying again but all he did was wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head whispering that he was never going to leave you again while you told him over and over again how sorry you were for what you had said to him.

JIMIN: (Vampire AU)

"I don't want you to spend time with him, why is that a problem?" Jimin questioned as he stared at you, you were staring back at him while shaking your head. 

"Because you're acting like a jealous teenager," You mumbled, folding your arms over your chest as you raised your eyebrows at your boyfriend who was being a jealous, overprotective and possessive boyfriend. 

"I am a teenager," You sprinted over to him with your vampiric speed and tilted your head to the side, 

"We're both 248 years old...How do you work that out," The two of you had been together for almost 222 years, both of you had changed into vampires when you were 26-years old after almost dying in a terrible accident. A doctor decided to change you both at the same time and took you in as his own, now you were acting as young as you could get away with. Ageing in different towns. Currently, you were portraying 18-years-old in a college together as a couple. 

"It's just a study session with Justin, he needs my help in biology," You reassured Jimin that there was nothing going on between you and Justin but Jimin didn't see it the way you did. He saw Justin as a threat, he was younger than both of you and human...What if you decided you wanted to be with Justin instead and changed him into one of you or worse. What if Justin found out what you were and threatened to expose you to everyone? Jimin's grip tightened on you and you stared at him, 

"I'll be fine," A car honked from outside the library and you looked out of the window, Justin was there waiting for you. 

"Don't go. You don't know him! He could hurt you," You rolled your eyes at Jimin before shaking your head, 

"You're so possessive and jealous, it's boring Jimin!" In all your years of being together, you'd never once called him boring or possessive or jealous and it hurt to know that's how you felt about him. As if you could see the dials turning in his head you tried to tell him you didn't mean it but he'd already run out of the building in the blink of an eye leaving you alone there.

Jimin could sense there was something wrong the second you walked through the door and it wasn't because you had blood on your shirt which he knew for a fact wasn't yours since you didn't bleed. 

"What happened?" He rushed to your side holding your face as you stared at him, 

"He knew. He knew about what we were...I-I had to take care of it," You mumbled as you dropped a bag down onto the floor, Jimin already knew what was inside from the smell of blood coming to his nose as he looked at it before looking back at you.

"I should have listened to you...You're always right," You mumbled as you told Jimin you both needed to get out of the city and fast since you didn't know if Justin had already told people what he knew or not. Luckily for you and Jimin it was just the two of you on the run, if you were with the rest of your family it would have been a lot harder.

TAEHYUNG: ( Friends with benefits trope)

It hadn't meant to come out this way, you and Taehyung were just supposed to be sex buddies but on what planet did that ever actually work out? None was the answer. It was a dumb idea to have if you thought it was ever going to work, 

"I told you I didn't want a relationship when we started this, what's the big deal?" You questioned as Taehyung began rushing around to find his clothes you'd torn off him earlier that night. He let out a tut as he shook his head disapprovingly at you, 

"I thought maybe you'd changed your mind, maybe you'd grown a heart and decided to let someone love you!" You rolled your eyes at him as if this was some sort of romantic movie or novel that would result in you loving one another. 

"We're friends! Nothing will change that," You tried to tell him but he just scoffed at you not wanting to listen to it all over again, 

"Last time I checked, friends don't fuck each other the way we do," You shook your head at him, 

"You're unbelievable! How could you think I would ever love you like that?!" The world seemed to stop moving and you were left staring at one another from across your bedroom floor. Taehyung's eyes were red as he started to cry but you didn't feel guilt. You told him from the start that you didn't want to deal with the emotions of being in a relationship, that what was going on between you was just sex. 

"Did you really just say that?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he waited for you to answer him, 

"It's just sex. I don't like you like that," He nodded his head as he dressed himself, walking out of the apartment and slamming the door so hard your picture frame fell off the wall and smashed onto the floor leaving you to stare at it as he stormed off. 

Four months later you were walking around the mall with some friends when you bumped into Taehyung with a group of his friends, you locked eyes with one another and you didn't know if you should have waved or kept your head down but Taehyung answered it for you. Turning his face away from you and talking with the guys as though he hadn't even seen you standing there in front of him, you couldn't blame him after what you'd said to him though so you just kept walking, not looking over your shoulder.

JUNGKOOK: ( Idol x Reader)

You sighed as Jungkook continued to yell at you for going out when he specifically told you not to, it wasn't as though he was keeping you in the house all of the time or being overly protective of you. That weekend he had plans to spend the entire time with you, wanting to be alone for a while instead of with the boys or your friends but you'd snuck out the night before and didn't come back until the early hours. Still drunk as you stood across from Jungkook in the living room, 

"Can you stop yelling? I have a headache," You mumbled to him wanting nothing more than to head up to your bed and forget the night before even happened. 

"This was the first time we would have been alone together in a while, can you blame me for missing you?" Your back was turned to him so he didn't see you roll your eyes at the statement so you just walked up the stairs to the bedroom, falling down onto the mattress as you let out a huge sigh. 

"I just want to sleep," You moaned at him, rolling over so your head was buried between the pillows and the sunlight wasn't hurting your eyes anymore, 

"Didn't you miss me?" You stayed silent as Jungkook questioned you, walking back into the room with a sad expression written across his face. He figured you must have missed him as much as he missed you during the week, you hardly got to see one another thanks to his busy schedule at the studios. 

"It's just like when you go on tour. It's no big deal. I'm used to it," You drunkenly mumbled into the pillow, closing your eyes as you saw no problem with what you had said but to Jungkook it felt as though you'd taken his heart from his chest and stomped it into the ground. 

"You don't miss me? Do you even love me?" You let out a groan at his question, rolling over to face him. He had tears running down his cheeks as he stared at you, waiting for you to answer him he had fears running around his head at what you might say but nothing could have prepared him for it.

"Do you have any idea how fucking clingy you sound right now?" You grumbled before laying back down, staring at the ceiling while Jungkook stormed out of the room. Slamming the door behind him as he headed into the spare bedroom for the night, he'd heard enough from you. 

The next morning when you finally emerged from the bedroom you found Jungkook sitting in the living room eating lunch on his own, 

"Morning baby, what time did I come in?" You questioned tiredly as you sat down beside him, attempting to cuddle up beside him but he shifted away from your touch. 

"Babe?" You frowned looking at him as he continued to stare at the screen that had some old sit-com running instead of at you. You went to touch his arm but he got up, 

"I don't want to be too clingy for you." He snapped and that was when it hit you. Memories of the night before came flooding back to you as you groaned at him. 

"J-Jungkook, I didn't mean it, I was drunk-"

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," He snapped before heading into the kitchen to clean up but you weren't going to let him get away with that, you just rushed over to him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind and burying your face in his back, 

"I know you're going away s-soon...I was pushing you away so I wouldn't feel so hurt when you go on tour," You explained your backwards way of thinking and you felt Jungkook's body physically relax as he realised you weren't serious the night before. 

"It was dumb and I should have said something to you instead of just acting like a bitch," He nodded in agreement, letting you say everything you needed to say before the two of you spent the day with your hangover on the sofa together.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @innersooya @sweeneyblue1​ @sw33tnight​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @that-anxious-bisexual​

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Honest and Truly

Summary: Spencer has his prom 10 years late, but none of that matters when it's with the girl of his dreams.

Word Count: 4.8 k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female (She/Her)-- Fluff

CW: Minimal vulgar language (PG-13)

Author's Note: This just might be my most favorite thing I've written in a very long time :) Also listen to the song I linked, it makes the title and the ending make more sense! thank you to @spookydrreid and @writhingintheroses for helping me a particular scene!!

Add yourself to my taglist! It makes it much easier for me :)

Honest and Truly

“A prom?” Spencer asks, realizing that the conversation had entered uncharted territory, a territory in which he had not a single clue how to navigate. Spencer, being a preteen in high school, never attended prom.

“Yes, Reid. A prom,” Penelope says, staring at him over the many monitors and stuffed cats that littered her desk, “It’s going to be so much fun!” she says, excitedly.

“That sounds like, uh, I’ll have plans that night,” Spencer tells Penelope, spinning around in the swivel chair as he eats his turkey and cheese sandwich. He usually enjoys their lunches together, but when Penelope gets an idea in her head, there’s no stopping her.

@s“Now I don’t believe that for a second, Reid. The only time that you have plans is when you’re with Y/N. And Y/N is going to be at this prom,” Garcia says, her pink glasses sliding down her nose. She winks at Reid, almost like she enjoys watching him squirm.

“How do you know that she’s going? Did she say she’s going?” Spencer asks, unable to conceal his eagerness that Y/N could be attending. Spencer might hate dancing and those fancy shoes that are too tight on his toes, but all that can be talked away if Y/N is there.

“Yes, she’s going because you’re asking her. That and I’m making everyone go,” Penelope says matter of factly.

Spencer opens his mouth, attempting to talk away Penelope’s suggestion. But Spencer Reid is a smart man and he knows better than trying to argue his way out with Penelope. Especially when it comes to Y/N. He might have an excellent poker face, but Spencer can’t hide his love for Y/N.

“I’m not going to ask her. You know she’ll think it’s because-” Spencer says, prepping for a long winded rant before the door of Penelope’s office swings open.

Y/N, with two coffees in hand, floats into the room like she’s walking on air. Or maybe it’s Spencer’s mind that’s floating when Y/N walks in. He can never tell. Whenever he’s near her, it’s like everything is sweeter, lighter and airier. Wordlessly, she passes the coffee to Spencer. Feeling her fingertips graze his reminds him of how pathetic he must be. He nods, telling her thanks, knowing that he’s unable to fully articulate just how grateful he is for the littlest things.

“Who are you not going to ask and to where, Spence?” Y/N says, leaning against the filing cabinets and sipping her coffee. Penelope, never one to be quiet, silently watches as Spencer and Y/N converse. Spencer looks up at her, feeling that light and airy feeling again. He brushes his hair that falls against his forehead nervously thinking of an answer.

“I- uh, I was thinking of asking my mother to come stay with me for a couple of weeks. You know, she hasn’t seen DC in a couple of years. And I do have some personal days banked,” Spencer says, telling Y/N a small white lie.

“She’s in Vegas, right?” Y/N asks, interested in what Spencer is saying, which is something that he’s still not used to. Spencer nods, smiling awkwardly.

“Yeah, she says that she likes the heat,” Spencer says, hating how formal and cold the conversation sounds. It’s normally flowing with easy and familiarity, but something is wedged between them. Penelope, long forgotten by the pair, types rapidly on her keyboard.

“You know, Spence. If you’re up for it maybe we can have lunch or meet at Elmwood Park. I’d love to meet the woman that made my favorite person,” she says, staring directly into Spencer’s eyes. Her stare is so intense that it’s like she’s looking into his soul. He thinks that if she looks deep enough she’ll see her own reflection because his soul belongs to her.

“I-I uh,” Spencer says, immediately thinking that he should actually invite his mother out for a visit, “I think that’s a good idea. She likes the sites and all,” he tells her nervously, trying to ease his beating heart.

He’s her favorite person.

Out of all the people in this city, this world. He’s her favorite person. Spencer, a lover of math, is tempted to figure out the odds of being his favorite person’s favorite person. He knows it’s slim. He knows it’s rare. It’s something magical and Spencer is terrified he’s going to ruin it. He’s terrified he’s going to fuck something up that’s not even his.

“It’s a date,” Y/N says, turning to Penelope, who’s still long forgotten, “Oh, Penny, you need to yell at Morgan for me. He ate my leftovers,” she tells Penelope, who feigns horror, “And now I don’t have lunch”

“How dare he!” Penelope says, her exaggerated response inciting chuckles, “he can get away with murder because he’s pretty,” she says, shaking her head.

He knows that she’s pretending to be disappointed, but he still doesn’t like to see it. Spencer unwraps the other half of his turkey and cheese sandwich and hands it to Y/N. She looks surprised, as if Spencer just handed her a million bucks.

“Spence, you don’t have to,” Y/N says, softly, handing back the half of the sandwich, “It’s your sandwich, I don’t want you to feel-”

“Eat it, Y/N,” Spencer says firmly, looking straight at Y/N, “You need to eat something. We both live off coffee as it is,” he says, hoping that Y/N will take the sandwich.

He’s looking straight at her and she’s looking straight at him. Spencer wonders if he looks deep enough he’ll reach her soul. He dares to think that if he can find her soul, he’ll stare at his face. He’s her favorite person after all, that’s got to count for something.

“Thanks, Spence,” Y/N says, smiling softly, “You make the best sandwiches,” she tells him, taking a bite of the sandwich as Garcia’s eyes flit from Spencer to Y/N. Back and forth, she watches the pair engage in the world’s best miscommunication.

“Y/N, did you hear? I’m throwing a prom!” Garcia says excitedly, hoping that Y/N’s reaction will be more enthusiastic than Spencer’s.

“A prom?” Y/N asks, unconvincingly, “God, I hated my prom. I got punched spilled all over my dress and my date tried to sneak alcohol into the banquet hall. It was a shitshow,” Y/N says, remembering the less than happy memories from high school.

“I didn’t go to prom. You know, between being a 12 year old and a dork,” Spencer says, self deprecatingly, “It’s not the ideal scenario, but I am familiar with the cultural significance of proms in American high school,” Spencer says, speaking to no one in particular, yet looking at Y/N directly.

“Maybe we’ll both get the prom night we deserve, Spence,” Y/N offers, tossing out her wax paper wrapper. She walks past him and it’s like the air is sweeter. He believes in science, but loves magic. Y/N is magic.

“Maybe,” Spencer says, refusing to make eye contact with Penelope, “you know, sorry to uh, cut this short. I have some paperwork to finish. Hotch’s been on me all day about it. So, uh, see you later,” he says, walking out of Penelope's office like a bat out of hell.

He tries to ignore the knowing stares from Penelope and Y/N’s confusion as he ducks out and walks into the bullpen. Spencer doesn’t have paperwork. He finished all his paperwork by 11:12 am. But what Spencer does have is a flight from Vegas to Quantico to book.

And prom shopping.

___

As it turns out, Spencer doesn’t know much about teenage American culture. Sure he’s seen 90s movies that Y/N forced him to watch. But it was quite difficult to pay attention when all he could feel was Y/N’s fingers brushing up against his in their shared bucket of popcorn or her head laying against his shoulder when she got tired.

He doesn’t know much of anything when it comes to romance. But he knows that he loves Y/N— and hopefully that’s enough. He still hasn’t asked her if she’d go with him. Honestly, he’s not too sure why he even has to ask her in the first place. She’s going to be there already, but Garcia and Morgan convinced him that it’s part of the so-called “Prom Experience”

“Spence,” Y/N says, she’s perched on the tall bar stool and rests her elbows on her kitchen island, “did you find a suit yet? I was thinking that we can go to that vintage store on Rock Ave. They have a surprisingly good size selection, and I think that this whole vintage thing fits your aesthetic really well,”

“My aesthetic?” Spencer questions, again lost at sea.

“You know, you’re like nerdy chic. Equal parts dorky and equal parts handsome,” she tells him. He feels his cheeks burn at her words.

Handsome

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not,” Spencer says, eyeing Y/N over the rim of his hot coffee.

“It is,” Y/N says like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like him being handsome is just as obvious as him being dorky, “And get your wallet. We’re going to the vintage store,”

Spencer has a hate-love relationship with weekends. He loves spending time with Y/N where it was so easy to pretend that she loves him as he loves her. He hates the weekends for the same reason he loves them. Spencer knows that it’s all fake. It’s a façade of the truth.

“Spence! You’d look great in this,” Y/N suggests, holding up a gray sports coat, “I think it will match your eyes perfectly,”

“If you think so, Y/N,” Spencer says, nodding his head in agreement. She continues eyeing him as if she’s imagining what he’d look like in the jacket. He has to admit, it’s a very nice jacket.

“Come on, Spence. There’s a mirror over in the corner. Try it on for me,” she requests and not even a second later Spencer finds himself being dragged by the hand to try on the suit jacket.

Y/N holds the jacket open for him as he slips it on through his arms. He’s surprised to realize that it fits perfectly. He looks into the mirror, staring at his face and Y/N, who tugs and smooths the jacket. Spencer can’t look too much longer because if he does the lines between reality and fantasy will be difficult to distinguish. As much as he wants to stare into the mirror all day long, pretending that this is real, he much rather it actually be real. But wishing and dreaming only ends up with battle wounds and broken hearts.

“You look very handsome, Spencer. Very handsome,” Y/N says, staring into the mirror too now. But she’s not looking at the jacket, she’s looking at him. The beat of silence lasts longer than what’s comfortable, “Um, I think, I saw some pants that would look good on you, with this jacket, I mean,” she says, stumbling over her words. She’s not looking in the mirror any more, her gaze is noticeably away from Spencer and the mirror.

“Okay, uh, whatever you think, Y/N,” Spencer says, “I’m not even sure why I agreed to this thing. I don’t dance,” he says, regretting his choice to go to Penelope’s prom, but feeling guilty for maybe disappointing Y/N all in one breath.

“Did you ask her yet?” Y/N asks, holding up a pair of similarly gray colored pants. She must notice his confusion, “You know Austin, the woman you heroically saved. Does any of it ring a bell, Spence?” Y/N teases. Spencer feels his cheeks burn and his heart tighten, that happens a lot around Y/N.

“Oh Austin, uh no. She wasn’t interested in me, after all,” Spencer says, shifting his weight and staring at his converse, “I mean, I should have seen it coming. It’s transference, that’s like Psych 101,” he says, feeling strange. It was odd when Austin broke up with him, even if you can consider it breaking up. He felt a strange sense of relief when it happened, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

Y/N clicks her tongue in annoyance as she walks over to Spencer. Tugging slightly on the sleeves of the jacket she says, “well she’s not as smart as I thought she was. You have to be a complete fool to let someone like you go,” she says quietly. She’s standing too close, looking too beautiful, and seeming too perfect for Spencer to not be completely enamoured.

Then it breaks, like shattered glass. The rosey glasses are lifted, leaving only cheeks that sting with nervousness and hearts the yearn for something a little more tangible.

“Stop staring at me and go try it on,” Y/N says, handing him the pair of pants, “Oh and I’m going to look for a vest and a tie to match. This store is unbelievable,” she tells him, pushing him into the makeshift dressing room.

Spencer puts on the pants, which fit, despite being maybe an inch or two loose in the waist. He looks into the tall mirror, which is noticeably empty without Y/N standing with him. A floating hand, belonging to Y/N appears. She holds a burgundy tie and a dark brown vest, both of which are very Spencer. He smiles slightly, strangely happy that Y/N has picked something out that’s perfect for him.

“Tell me when you’re decent,” she says, her voice muffled by the curtain that separates them. He sticks his head out of the curtain, his eyes immediately finding Y/N’s.

“Ohh, Spence, you look amazing. Very handsome,” she says, her hands clasped around the tie, tugging just like she did with his suit jacket before, “What do you think?” she asks, looking at him curiously.

“It’s nice,” Spencer offers, approaching this like he does everything: cautiously, “I do like the texture,” he says, running his hands up and down the sleeves of the jacket.

“You look more than nice, Spence. I know I’ve said it like 30 times, but you look very handsome,” she says. Spencer hopes that she means it. He needs something to be real. Sometimes besides what he feels, because what he feels is the realest thing in the world.

“It’s nice to hear,” Spencer says, “you know from someone who’s not my mother,” he jokes, shrugging off the jacket and grabbing the hanger from Y/N.

“You deserve to hear it,” Y/N says so softly Spencer wonders if she’s saying it all. That beat of silence, followed by the awkwardness is back.

“So, uh, I saw a dress that I’m going to try on,” Y/N tells him, her gaze shifting everywhere but Spencer’s eyes.

“I’ll go pay for this,” Spencer says, walking back into the dressing room and the mirror that lies to his face.

___

Back in Y/N’s car, Spencer shifts in the passenger seat trying to find a way to sit comfortably while holding his suit jacket, pants and vest. Y/N hangs up her dress, that’s wrapped in a gown bag. She wouldn’t let Spencer see the dress, despite her practically picking out his entire outfit.

“So what’s next,” Spencer asks, as Y/N gets into the car. She smiles over at him sheepishly, leading Spencer to think she’s got another trick up her sleeve.

“I’ve got a confession, Spence. And please don’t hate me for it,” Y/N says, her voice coming out a little nervous as she eyes Spencer.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, even if I tried. And I’m certain I’ll never have to,” he says softly, resting his hand over hers on the console. He rubs the back of her hand gently, thinking about just how easy things are with her. If he could only be a little braver, maybe then the mirror wouldn’t be so empty.

“Okay. I knew that things didn’t work out with you and Austin. I overheard you telling Derek,” Y/N confesses, “And I know that it makes me a horrible friend or whatever, but I’m sorry that I eavesdropped,”

“Oh, uh how much did you hear?” Spencer asks, suddenly quite nervous. He can feel his heart drop, waiting for the moment when Y/N laughs at the thought of her loving him. He knows that it’s not fair to her, but then again all is fair is love and war.

“Enough to know that you’re still hung up or or someone else. I left once my conscience got the better of me. Once a Girl Scout, always a Girl Scout,” she says, making the three finger salute that’s common in scouting, “I just wanted to hear it from you, you know you’re my favorite person and all,” she says, a frown forming.

“I think, uh,” Spencer says, “That I was just a little embarrassed. You know how Derek and Penelope and Emily and JJ can get. It’s basically just you and Hotch who aren’t jumping down my throat about being, you know, alone,” he says, chuckling awkwardly.

“They just want to help you, Spence. In their own ways, but I’m always on Team Spencer. You never got to worry about that,” Y/N offers, squeezing his hand.

He considers what she says, not responding verbally, but nodding his head. He hasn’t ever had someone on his “team”, so it’s strange. But a good kind of strange.

“Spence, you okay? I wanted to give you something. To be truthful, I’ve been thinking about how I was going to do this for awhile,”

“Ask me what?” he questions, wondering what she has in store. He watches as Y/N rummages in his bag, clearly looking for something. He’s thoroughly confused when she pulls out a TI-84.

“What on earth?” Spencer says, as she places the calculator in his hands. Her sly grin, beaming up at him only further proves his point: his heart just beats faster around her.

“Just shut and press the on button. You’d think that a genius would know how to work a calculator,” she comments, rolling her eyes playfully.

“You know, I never used these. I can just do it in my head faster,” Spencer says, winking at Y/N when she pushes him teasingly.

“God, Spencer just turn it on!” she demands, very apparently getting more and more impatient.

He turns the calculator on and is brought to a green screen that has a picture of a graph. Spencer raises his eyebrow, as if to ask Y/N for the next direction.

“Press the graph button,” she says, getting quieter as Spencer looks at her.

He presses the button that she said to, waiting for whatever is supposed to happen. Spencer watches as the screen draws four black lines running parallel to each other. A curved line is drawn on the first two black lines, forming the letters “P” and “R”. The screen continues to draw, making an oval that looks like an “O” and the last two parallel lines are joined together with a “v” shape, forming the letter “M”. He takes a second glance, reading the 4 letter word slowly.

P-R-O-M

“Well?” she asks, waiting for his answer.

He’s speechless. Spencer blinks. It’s like his brain has stopped working. It’s a prom, a stupid prom that’s 10 years too late. But it’s the girl of dreams that’s asking him. And that’s the stuff those rom-coms he couldn’t pay attention to are made of.

“I mean, of course. Of course, Y/N,” Spencer says, dropping the calculator into the cup holder and leaning in to hug Y/N.

His heart stops again. Falling into that tricky habit of either speeding up or stopping when she’s around. He thinks he’s ready to implode when she pecks his cheek. Her lips don’t linger, hardly touching his skin for it to be considered a kiss.

“I don’t think I’d want to go with anyone else,” she says, mumbling into his skin. She seals his fate with her lips against his skin. Never again will Spencer imagine what it’s like to have her lips against his skin. Even though it’s a fraction of the time he’d want, it’s tattooed in his mind.

“I’m not much of a dancer, by the way,” Spencer says, reluctantly letting go and sitting back into the passenger’s seat, “so don’t expect too much,” he jokes.

“Oh you better watch it, Doctor Reid. I’m getting you on the dance floor, even if you hate it,” Y/N says, smiling as she backs out of the parking spot and turns into the street.

Spencer looks out the window, thinking to himself that there’s probably nothing he can hate if he’s doing it with Y/N.

--

Spencer didn’t go to prom in high school. He didn’t do a lot of the traditional things that most former high schoolers reminisce about at his age. He didn’t go to football games or have a best friend to make lifelong memories with.

He didn’t have any of that, until now.

But it’s prom night, 10 years late. His hands are sweaty and his mouth feels dry. Spencer wasn’t this nervous for even his first day at the BAU all those years ago. He tries to fix the burgundy tie that Y/N picked out at the vintage store. It looks crooked and twisted. Nothing like when Y/N tied perfectly in the store for him. He supposes that he can wait till she comes to pick him up.

The mirror, again, is noticeably empty without Y/N standing beside him. He can get lost in there, thinking about her standing with him. He does, because it feels like seconds later when he hears a rapid knocking on his apartment door.

Standing on the other side of the door is Y/N. She wears a sage green dress that looks like it’s made of softest silk. He smiles at her, not sure if he can trust his words. Spencer doesn’t think he’ll be able to do much thinking when all he can focus on is the tiny straps that rest on her shoulders or how the sage green compliments her skin tone.

“You look, god. You’re beautiful,” Spencer says, partly under his breath partly aloud to Y/N, “so beautiful,” he says again, focusing on her eyes.

“And you’re looking very dashing in that suit, Spence,” she says, pushing her way in, “do you need help with your tie?” she asks, looking at the tie he holds in his hand.

“Yes, please,” he says sheepishly. He holds out the burgundy colored tie, but takes his hand back as an idea crosses his mind, “oh wait here, I’ll be right back,” Spencer says, walking quickly to his bedroom.

“Alright,” Y/N says sceptically, “Don’t ditch me, Reid!” she calls out from the living room.

Spencer returns, hiding the new tie behind his back. He places an olive green tie with dusty blue and pink flowers in her hands. He notices her smile grow, realizing that he’s picking a new tie for a reason.

“I might not know much about prom, but I think that we’re supposed to match. You know, since we’re going together,” he offers, “but I need help putting it on,” he says.

“We’re going to match!” Y/N says excitedly. As she unbuttons the first button on Spencer’s cream colored shirt he holds his breath. He can’t breathe when she’s this close. Her fingers are quick and nimble as they feed the tie around his neck and elegantly create a knot. If Spencer wasn’t already in love, he knows that watching her eyes twinkle and her tongue poke out as she concentrates would make him declare it then and there.

“So handsome,” she says, using that quiet voice that makes it seem like she’s talking to herself rather than him, “I can’t wait to dance with you,” she tells him tugging the tie.

“I’m not going to be good, Y/N. I’m going to be a fool,” Spencer says, lamenting already about what an idiot he’s going to look like in front of Y/N.

“That’s nonsense, Spence,” Y/N says, waving him away with a toss of her hand, “You’re going to be the best dancer there,” she tells him rubbing her hand up and down his arm, like she did at the store.

“Would you believe it, if I told you I never danced with anyone?” Spencer says, being the most honest and true he’s ever been.

“We can change that,” Y/N says, stepping towards Spencer and linking her hand in his. She squeezes, restarting and stopping his heart all in one go, “oh wait we need music,” she says, feeling around for where her phone usually is.

“I got it,” Spencer says, stepping away from Y/N. He walks over to the small record player in the corner of his living room. He doesn’t play it too often, the records he has were once his mother’s and they’re too painful to play most days. But Spencer’s sure that he can make every exception to all his rules for Y/N. Maybe he’ll get some happy memories out of it.

“Going old school I see,” Y/N says, teasingly as Spencer walks over grabbing both his hands in hers, “everything about you is very charming, Doctor Reid,” she says, softly swaying to the jazzy tunes of Sarah Vaughan.

“I’m not too sure about that,” Spencer says, following Y/N’s lead as she floats around his living room, carrying him everywhere she goes. She rests her head against his chest and Spencer swears that she’s going to get a concussion from how hard his heart beats.

They’re alone, no audience to witness the moment that Spencer wonders if he can dare to call intimate. It’s intimate to him because every moment with Y/N is intimate. Maybe if someone had told Spencer that dancing like this could bring pure paradise all the way from your fingertips to your eyelashes, maybe he would have done it sooner.

“You’re quite the romantic, Spencer,” Y/N says as the song comes to a close. The record player stops, but they don’t stop swaying, “And you told me you couldn’t dance,” she scoffs lightly, with her head still resting against his chest.

“Is that okay with you?” He asks, “me being romantic,”

“I don’t think that I’d want it any other way, Spencer,” Y/N says, removing her head from his chest and her hand from his. She cups his face, touching him lightly. Y/N holds him like he aches to be held. It’s gentle and tender, yet leaves him desiring more.

“Honest?” Spencer asks, daring to be brave.

“Truly,” she responds.

Spencer shifted slightly, so he can also hold her face in his hands. Y/N drops her hands though, wrapping them around Spencer’s waist to pull them closer together. Spencer’s phantom fingers are like that dance around that dance around Y/N’s skin.

It’s Y/N that initiates the kiss. She moves in slowly and tenuously, looking just as nervous as Spencer is. He’s shaky slightly, the anticipation getting to his head when all he can see is Y/N’s eyes looking into his and all he can think about is how soft her skin is. It’s all he’s ever wanted to think about. Her lips are soft and pillowy.

But it’s more than that.

Kissing her is everything to Spencer. It’s the breathy sighs she lets out as he moves his hands and rests them securely behind her neck. It’s the peachy scent of her perfume that’s so sweet and strong it should be overwhelming when all it is, is intoxicating. Kissing her is dizzying and terrifying, but wonderful and sweet. He can’t tell where his lips start and where her’s end, but it doesn’t matter.

He doesn’t open his eyes because he knows he’s facing the mirror. But unlike before, he doesn’t need a mirror to know what he’s looking at. He can look into his soul for that.

“Very romantic,” Y/N says, smiling through the quick kisses she plants on his jawline, “I always thought you’d be a romantic,” he tells him.

Spencer brushes his thumb over Y/N’s bottom lip. It’s puffy and bitten from his kisses, but he thinks that it would be a shame to not bite and kiss it some more. He smiles so hard he knows that he’ll wake up in the morning and his mouth will hurt. But that’s the least of his worries if Y/N’s there to kiss it better.

“Honest?” Spencer says, calling back to the song, that’s now their song.

“Truly,”

---

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