#whatever ill watch in subs. its fine. anyways

[daisysplosion]

my contribution to mp100

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

Shook, question, I remember awhile ago someone asking the order to watch dragonball + dbz and you said something about when to watch the movies and stuff? Could you maybe go over that agian? I'm planning on getting into the series and I have absolutely no idea where to start, let alone where I can even watch dbz. I know dragonball is on hulu (i assume english dub?) but is it important if i choose between dub or subs here? Sorry for all the questions its just. A bit overwhelming! Thank you much!

finally a question i am qualified to answer-

get ready for a long ass post-

ok so, if you want to watch all of it, be warned it will take a while and that some of the movies are kinda cringe.  but if ur good with that then i shall help u, and if u need help finding a place to watch some of the stuff then send me a dm and ill help u.

also if u enjoy it please hit me up i need more people to talk to about dbz stuff :’>

as far as sub vs. dub goes, i 100% reccomend dub, its genuinely just better.

i mean, unless you like hearing the same exact voice being used for like 5 characters, for both when theyre kids and adults-

as far as watch order goes, ill list it off for you (including the cannon movies, as i reccommend watching the non-cannon ones after youve actually finished the series, as theyre just kinda there for more content and are kinda inconsistent with the main plot anyways-)

1. Dragon ball (which is 151 episodes if i remember correctly)

2. Dragon ball Z OR Dragon ball Z Kai (291 and 98(?) episodes respectively; kai is basically Z minus the filler with updated voice acting, but is split into two parts so this is only the first 2 arcs)

2.5. Dragon Ball Z Kai the final chapters (69 episodes, its just the second half of kai if u choose to watch that instead of Z)

3. Dragon ball Super (131 episodes), OR DBS episodes 1-2, Battle of Gods (movie), 15-18, Resurrection F (movie) and 28-131 (the first 2 arcs of super are just the movies but longer and filler packed but slightly different, so you could just watch the movies instead if you rlly wanted to.  plus the battle of gods movie has vegeta acting like a dumbass and the show doesnt sooo-)

4. DBS Broly (aka literally the best movie, thank god its cannon-)

5. Dragon ball GT (64 episodes, technically not cannon and alotta people say it sucks but rlly i think its fine. it tries to take itself too seriously tho lmao)

and other than that there’s the rest of the movies, which ill just catagorize into where they’re meant to fall in the plot real quick:

Dragon Ball (most of these are re-tellings of parts of the plot with a twist): Curse of the Blood Rubies, Sleeping Princess in the Devil’s Castle, Mystical Adventure, and Path to Power

Dragon ball Z (gonna split this one up by the main 4 arcs/sagas): 

-Between OG DB and DBZ: Dead Zone

-Saiyan Saga/Beginning of Namek Saga: World’s Strongest, Tree of Might

-Freeza Saga: Lord Slug, Cooler’s Revenge

-Android/Cell Saga: The Return of Cooler, Super Android 13, Broly the Legendary Super Saiyan

-Post Cell Saga/ Pre Timeskip: Bojack Unbound

-Pre Buu Saga: Broly Second Coming, Bio-Broly (these both suck imo, broly didnt get to be a good characetr till the cannon movie-)

-Buu Saga: Fusion Reborn, Wrath of the Dragon (WotD is kinda more post buu saga but whatever-)

Dragon Ball GT: A Hero’s Legacy

Cannon/Dragon Ball Super: Battle of Gods, Resurrection F, Dragon Ball Super Broly

and thats about it!!  but one last thing, just a personal reccomendation from me, I highly reccomend watching Dragon Ball Z Abriged by TeamFourStar on youtube as well, because honestly its hilarious and does something better than the actual show-

but yeah, thank you for your question and i hope this helps!! :>>

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty x hunty we back bitches!!!!

ok so tbh we’ve BEEN back ive just been slacking on posting my liveblogs. n e ways

ok so ngl we DID watch these eps like a month ago so bear w/me here as i try to remember things hvbhdkjfhsk

ok so they show up at heavens arena and i CALLED IT its that building thats in the opening (thats probs p obvs but still lol) 

killua casually mentioning that he was here for TWO YEARS previously like jesus kid ur life is wild

ruth and i spent like this whole time trying to guess if killua knows what nen is lmao and i was like ok im sure theres nen at heavens arena how could he NOT have come across it but also WHO KNOWS

i love how easy is is for 2 twelve year olds to join Death Tower Fight Club lmao 

i mean tbf killua was here when he was literally 6 

seeing killua and gon dunk on people by 1 hit koing them was great lmao 

the fact that killua spent all his previous earnings on snacks....king 

ZUSHIIIIII hes baby and hes so precious i love him already. baby boy baby. theres like a 0% chance hes evil or something bc hes so baby and hes named ZUSHI it reminds me of zucchini for some reason 

ok when zushi uses nen (im assuming?) and killua was like oh shit illumi can do that....bro i CALLED it illumi totally has nen and its MIND CONTROL NEN or something. i still dk how nen works tbh

wing is slightly sus and im worried he might be evil. but also probably not mostly cause i dont thnk this arc is that long but WHO KNOWS 

wing when zushi starts nen-ing it up during Fight Club: HEY NONE OF THAT NOW [spray bottles him] 

i love that gon and killua are both like well that was weird. ok guess we’ll just str8 up ask zushi abt it lmao 

when the subs popped up as Ren ruth and i were like nooooo freakin way the subs mistranslated nen. but it TURNS OUT that nen has OTHER components like ten and ren and uhhh the other ones too. jesus 

i mean i knew this shit was gonna b detailed but Still 

ok but ren is literally just weaponized vibes. vibe check 

[vibes rlly hard] GET REN’D ON 

as i was watching wings explanation i was like hmmm this seems incomplete. and then immediately killua said that same thing...vindication!!

ok when wing uses nen on that book page and slices the soda and gives a big explanation abt why he wasnt totally truthful w/gon and killua and zushi is just like .....ok but that was my soda :( and i was gonna read that book :( :( or w/e hvsjdfuahbsjjfdnka i love him SO MUCH....BABYYYY

totally off-topic but lemme talk transformers rl quick ok so in the tf idw comics drift is all edgy and then he meets a guy named Wing who shows him all the spiritual/religious stuff and drift becomes a space hippy (its been a while okay) and now im like yo is that guy a hxh ref? cause wing is kind of a weird name for a transformer and the spiritual ‘aura’ stuff is similar. idk if that has any basis lmao i just made that connection. anyways moving on 

i love how it took killua 2 yrs to get to the 200th floor and now he and gon get there in like 3 days or w/e

200th floor time! uhm is that receptionist lady like. Good

as soon as the rancid aura appeared i was like UUUUAHGHHGHGHGHHHH I KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!!!!!!!! TRASH CAN ASS HISOKA 

i kinda figured he’d be here...im curious if gon will succeed in doin the Big Punchy here 

hisoka using his rancid vibes to drive them back....fuck on outta here nasty ass 

i love how gon just. loses his domestication whenever hisoka is around. gon is literally so nice to EVERYONE he meets EXCEPT for hisoka (and illumi). god i love him best boy. he has a gr8 vibe detector and can tell that hisoka is nasty and evil 

wing: ok FINE ill teach you The Real Deal Nen 

ITS NEN TIME BABEYYYYYY

the fact that 8 yr old killua just peaced out at floor 199 or w/e and was like Fuq the 200th floor im out. and of COURSE the 200th floor is The Nen Zone(tm) so he just left, blissfully unaware of nen LMAOOO

and now he HAS to register to fight or he’ll be banned from heavens arena...Ls 

i keep wanting to call it the tower of heaven....get out of my BRAIN f*iry t*il 

ok uhhhh lets stop here 

PREDICTION CORNER 

actally i cant rlly do this part bc its been so long so ider what i thought of ripppp. im gonna try to stay up to date on my liveblogs (we’re on like ep 45 now lol)

1 idea: so gon is gonna successfully punch hisoka and then hisoka will unfortunately NOT go away for whatever reason and will become a nuisance (even moreso than he already is) rather than an Actual Threat 

tune in next time for more HUNTY x HUNTY 

[kitty-bandit]

I love hearing about you delinquent au! Can’t wait to read it

How about a sneak peek, Anon? (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Lavi shoved his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. The late September days were still warm, but nights turned surprising cold. He wished he’d brought his favorite scarf as he stood next to the raffle table. Excited shouting came from the packed bleachers, and he looked up just in time to see a few players celebrating in the endzone. He sighed, sitting next to Lenalee in one of the empty folding chairs behind the table. “I should’ve listened to Yuu. This is kinda boring.”

“That’s why I bribed you with food.” Lenalee smiled and greeted another group who stopped at the table. After taking their money and handing them tickets, she turned back to Lavi. “It’s been almost two hours and I am ready to leave.”

“Where is your partner, anyway?” Lavi asked, peeking into the bucket with the ticket stubs.

“Please do not call him that,” Lenalee said, rubbing her temple under the dark purple knit hat she had worn for the night. Her hair was plaited into two pigtail that hung over each shoulder. “He went to get another roll of tickets from the supply closet. We’re almost out.”

With a chuckle, Lavi leaned back in the chair, the metal scraping against the cement sidewalk underfoot. The table was set up near the entrance, close to the ticket booth—specifically placed so no one could miss it as they entered the field. “What is the raffle even for?”

“I thought you could read?” Lenalee teased, pointing the the sign on the table. “We’re giving away a mini fridge. One of the student’s parents donated it.”  As another group of students passed the table, Lenalee smiled and waved.

Lavi’s good eye widened in surprise. “That’s actually not an awful prize.” He leaned forward peering at the sign. “Maybe I should buy a ticket…”

“Five bucks gets you one ticket, twenty gets you five,” Lenalee recited, as she had been all night.

Lavi winced at the prices. “Too rich for my blood.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Speaking of rich, I could go for some of that overpriced food you promised me.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Lenalee, grinning wide.

“And here I was hoping you’d forget.” She shook her head before something caught her eye. “You’re in luck. Link’s back.”

Lavi looked up and spotted the Lenalee’s number two, as it were. The vice president of the student council looked more the part than Lenalee did, and that was an accomplishment. Link’s blond hair was plaited tight and neat, the long braid swinging as he strode towards the table. He looked completely out of place in his dress shirt and sweater combo, especially as he passed another group of students decked out in sweatshirts and jeans. His khakis looked stiffer than his personality.

“This is the last of the tickets,” Link announced, setting the bright red roll to the side. He looked at Lavi, who had stolen his seat, disapproval in his russet eyes.

“That’s fine—there’s barely an hour left in the game and sales have slowed a bit.” Lenalee stood, straightening out her light coat and grabbing her purse from under her chair. “I’m going to take a break. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Fine,” Link replied, taking back his seat as soon as Lavi had vacated it. “Don’t linger. The table really should have two people working it at all times.”

Lena smiled as she bit back a comment. “Of course.” She grabbed Lavi by the elbow and dragged him off towards the bleachers. As soon as they were out of earshot, she sighed, the noise sounding more angry than any breath had the right to be. “He sure has some nerve saying that after he left me there for nearly thirty minutes.”

Lavi didn’t fight her pull, stumbling along next to her as they headed up the steps. “He should really see a doctor about that stick lodged up his ass.”

She managed a quick laugh, her fake smile turning into a genuine one. “If only it wasn’t permanently stuck.” She spotted Kanda and Alma at the top of the bleachers huddled close to each other. When Alma spotted them, they waved, grinning widely.

“You managed to escape!” they said, making room for Lavi and Lenalee on the bench.

“I told Link I would be gone for ten minutes, but I’ll stretch that to thirty.” Lena wrapped her arm around Alma as she sat down, sitting as close as she could to keep warm. “Lavi and I are going to the concession stand. Did you two want anything?”

“Yes. I want to leave,” Kanda grumbled, tucking his chin into the folds of his jacket.

Alma rolled their eyes. “Don’t listen to him. We’re having fun.” They rested their head against Kanda’s shoulder, pink painted lips stretching wide over their face. “Something warm would be nice. It’s colder than I thought it would be tonight.”

“I think we can manage that.” She nudged Lavi, elbowing him in the side. “Ready to get some sub-par, overpriced food?”

“Always.”

They walked back down the metal bleachers, avoiding the crowded walkway and headed to the nearby concession stand. As they stood in line, Lavi checked the menu tacked on the wall next to the small order window and balked at the prices. “Yeesh. Are you sure you can buy stuff for everyone? This is more expensive than I thought.”

She pulled her wallet from her purse and held it up as if she was brandishing a sword. “Komui gave me his credit card for tonight, so we’re living large on chili cheese fries and king sized nachos.”

Lavi grinned, rubbing his hands together as he studied the menu board again. “Now that’s what I like to hear.”

When they reached the order window, Lenalee listed off their choices—hotdogs, chili cheese fries, nachos, and a hot chocolate for each of them. By the time their order was ready, they had their arms full as they precariously balanced each item. Lavi winced as he juggled four hot chocolates in his hands.

“This is the definition of hubris, isn’t it?” he asked, carefully following Lenalee back up the bleachers. Every step was a challenge to keep the chocolate in the too-thin paper cups and off his fingers.

“Don’t talk. You’ll lose your concentration and spill,” Lenalee replied, carefully balancing all of the food in her hands. Her stacking technique was impressive, and Lavi would have congratulated her if he didn’t have to worry about spilling hot cocoa all over himself.

When Alma noticed their burdened states, they hurried down to help with the final leg of the journey. “Ah, careful!” they said, taking two of the cups from Lavi’s hands before heading back up the stairs.

“Why did we pick the highest seats on the bleachers again?” Lavi asked, setting the last two cups on the bench to help Lena distribute the food.

“Because Yuu doesn’t like people sitting behind him,” Alma reminded them, grabbing one of the hotdogs and settling in next to Kanda again.

“So, it’s my fault?” Kanda asked, frowning as he grabbed his hot chocolate from Lenalee and sipped it angrily.

“Hush and eat your nachos,” Lenalee said, pushing the flimsy paper container into his hands. Once the food had been distributed, she sat down, only to sigh again. “I forgot napkins.”

“I’ll get them,” Lavi said, setting his food down on the cool bench and heading down the bleacher stairs. He heard Lenalee’s faint call of ‘thank you’ mixed in with a sudden cheer from the crowd. He looked up at the field again, having missed whatever play had happened to cause the ruckus. He hopped down off the last couple of steps and turned to walk towards the concession stand when something under the bleachers caught his eye.

Just under the bleachers was Allen, reaching into the back pocket of someone’s pants. Lavi watched as Allen slipped their wallet out with ease, pocketing the cash inside, and then returning it as if nothing had happened. He did it again and again, systematically grabbing any wallet or purse within reach and cleaning the money from the billfolds. Lavi stared in awe, watching Allen’s swift, nimble fingers steal hundreds of dollars in cash from the unsuspecting parents watching the football game. That same feeling bubbled up in Lavi’s stomach—the one he’d felt when he’d witnessed Allen pinching those candy bars from the convenience store weeks ago. Nervousness mixed with admiration, and a healthy dose of concern. Lavi had never stolen anything in his life, but watching Allen do it almost felt as if he was an accomplice—too dumbstruck to say anything or try to stop the crime in progress.

As Allen pocketed the last of the cash, he looked up and met Lavi’s frozen gaze. He stiffened for a brief moment before that same smug smile pulled at the corners of his lips. Lavi felt his heart rattle against his chest, cheeks flushed against the cold breeze blowing against them. He didn’t know what to do, and as much as he wanted to run away and forget what he’d seen, his feet were glued to ground, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming semi.

Then, before Lavi could move or say anything, Allen approached him.

Lavi swallowed, throat tight as he watched Allen close the distance between them. He was wearing that same oversized sweatshirt Lavi had first seen him in, and a black knit stocking cap to hide his shock white hair. Lavi didn’t doubt he’d come to the game for this exact reason—to steal from the crowd. And from what Lavi had seen, it was easy pickings.

Allen stopped just in front of Lavi, looking up at the redhead with a calm smile. He reached up and pressed a finger to Lavi’s lips, his skin cold and chapped from the wind. “This is our little secret, right?”

“I, uh—” Lavi began, lips moving against Allen’s finger. With his stomach tied in knots, Lavi nodded, his heart flipping in his chest and nearly jumping right out of his mouth. “Sure.”

Allen pulled his finger back, his smile softening. He tilted his head, looking Lavi up and down, as if he was assessing something—though the redhead wasn’t sure what. “You’re Lavi, right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He winked, brushing past Lavi and merging into a large group of students heading towards the exit. “See you later.”

As Allen disappeared into the crowd, Lavi’s heart continued to beat like a drum in his ribcage. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

What the fuck was that about?

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 9: Iquitos- In Which I Could Have Touched A Sloth, If I Really Tried

I'm gonna be honest with you; this entry may as well just be exactly the same text as yesterday's one but with the pictures of the animals changed. We did nearly exactly the same things; woke up; ate a breakfast of shitty children's cereal which I still couldn't taste; waited for the rain to stop, which it did not, before decided to go out, to an animal sanctuary, regardless. The sanctuary in question, today was one named Pilpintuwasi and boasted a bit of a richer selection of animals than yesterday's offering, for us to gawp at, slack jawed, like the idiots we are. It also had a butterfly farm attached to it. Which, y'know. Fine.

We took a motor-taxi to Bellavista; the port from which we had left for the rainforest, a few days prior, ignored all the big fatty grubs, roasting on skewers and made our way to the 'colectivo' boat; which I can best describe as a very cheap bus-boat... sort of thing. You do better.

The colectivo whisked us away to the mid-sized jungle town of Padre Coche, in around thirty minutes or so. Once there, we got on board yet another motor-taxi – the novelty of which still haven't worn off for me- which took us to the sanctuary, proper. Excited at the prospect of seeing sloths, we wandered along a covered, wooden walkway into the reception.

This’n, here.

We paid the entrance fee; a frankly staggering 30 soles (...around £6.50, but again, our budgeting has been a bit lacklustre.) and were met by our guide, Reese. A Welshman, but I didn't hold that against him, as he was, otherwise, really quite nice. He was new in Pilpintuwasi and had given up eating leeks and voting for Brexit to volunteer at the sanctuary, full time. Reese delivered a professional, yet personable tour throughout, despite the fact that, in the intermittent period between our arrival and our setting off into the grounds of the sanctuary, the heavens had properly opened and we were entirely saturated with water, almost the moment we stepped outside. I'm glad I chose to wear my khakis. Did you know they get ever so slightly see-through when wet. I didn't.

The park itself was large, sprawling and housed a myriad (menagerie?) of exotic animals (most of which, again, were being primed for release into the wild). I won't list them off, in this particular entry, as I'm very tired and would much rather just coil into a ball and die than dispassionately list a series of different animals what I saw, but I definitely will dump a load of pictures of them, afterwards. Just be aware that they were all basically great (apart from the butterflies, which. Y'know. Fine.)

After an hour or so of squelching through the rain, our time at the sanctuary and with Reese drew to a close. Once more we were offered the opportunity to amble about to our hearts content, which we did, briefly, following a (really quite rare) Uakari monkey

Also called the English Monkey, because it has an angry little red face and ginger hair, which honestly, is a bit rude.

taking pictures while it chewed on leaves and very obviously wished we would just fuck off and leave it alone, but, as with yesterday, Sam's illness very selfishly began flaring up and we had to leave.

We walked back to the colectivo through Padre Coche, which we thought would be quite fun, but actually ended up being an unexpectedly harrowing experience; the town is jam-packed with stray dogs in various states of disrepair. Some mangy, some lame, some basically dead; quite a lot all three. We put our heads down and powered through to the dock, trying not to think about the nightmarish dog concentration camp we had just walked through and hopped back onto the boat, vowing to never speak of the horrors we had just witnessed. Shockingly, and very, very irritatingly, it was incredibly cold in Iquitos, today. You don't really expect it in the rainforest, but honestly, I stepped off the boat, back in Bellavista, noticeable shivering. What the fuck, the Amazon? That's like the one thing you're supposed to be good at.

I stopped briefly at one of the market stalls to buy myself a little sausage and a skewer of...some weird massive seeds, whose name I have forgotten, both of which almost certainly gave me worms, and ate them clumsily on the motor-taxi ride back to our apartment, spilling my bottle of water over my just-about-dry khakis, making it look like I'd pissed myself in the process. It was all coming up, Millhouse.

Once inside, we took some hot showers, to warm ourselves back up, from being in the rainforest, before getting our respective bibbles on, writing blogs, reading books and watching the final of the Copa America on our generously proportioned TV. Peru lost by the way. Of course they did.

Soon though, hunger - that big bastard -reared its ugly head once more and, given that we had almost no food whatsoever in the flat and the thought of walking to and from the supermarket and then cooking something was enough to make us both genuinely angry, we decided to just treat ourselves to a meal out. Budget be damned! (I was very worried about the budget).

We went to a little restaurant on the boulevard called the Amazon Bistro, took our seats, ordered some food and waited, listening to the soothing ambiance of the Amazon...being totally drowned out by a playlist of 80s power-ballads. Then we waited some more. And some more, after that... Finally, after around half an hour, our drinks arrived. A bottle of water, each. How did this take thirty minutes? Whatever the reason, it did not bode well for the rest of our meal.

Eventually, after sixteen and a half years, our food appeared. Sort of. My order was quite badly botched and instead of bacon, they had just smeared my burger with horrible mushrooms, in a thick mushroomy sauce, which, as anyone who knows me will surely already be aware of, I treat essentially as a war crime. Now in a bad mood, but in no way wanting to wait another hour for a sub-par burger with the actually correct toppings, I scraped the mushrooms to the side and ate everything they hadn't touched. To add insult to injury, halfway through the meal, our waitress returned to the table to – I think, anyway- tell me that she had gotten my order wrong, but also apparently to do nothing about it? Fine. It didn't matter; I couldn't taste it properly, anyway, so in a way, I win.

The least happy meal I have eaten on this entire trip, including those little baby squid, now over, we dragged ourselves along the five minute walk back to the apartment, tucked ourselves into bed, eager to begin a new leg of the journey, and generally also not just be sweaty literally all the time, tomorrow.

[legion1993]

Dark Arts + Love = Passion

A/N: once again trying something new... this is gonna be my first AU i think but thats not as important as tagging @luci-in-trenchcoats for giving me this idea... hope you enjoy this story...

AU=Soulmate

Pairing: Constantine x Reader

Summary: Constantine is the one that saved you from a demon, he shared his world with you, he brought you to the bunker.. but when Zedd comes back from a demon possession stopping of her own, she reveals a vision concerning both you and John... this is how it happened, this is how your journey with the famed John Constantine started...

Masterlist

“My name is John Constantine. I am the one who steps on the shadows, all trench coat and arrogance. I'll drive your demons away, kick 'em in the bullocks, and spit on them when they're down, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone because, let's be honest... who would be crazy enough to walk it with me?”

NOW

Y/N (possessed): “John constantine its time i kill you and return your head to my master...”

John: “ya i dont think so, now why dont you pus-sac pig headed lowlife get out of this fine lady and leave now...”

Y/N (possessed): “you have no idea how to save me without saving her... you dont realize that she is watching everything im doing right now and she is screaming for your help but she doesnt realize that i have full control of her actions and her words...”

John: “i got news for you mate, the girl will be just fine...”

John lights his lighter and throws it at the ground and it forms a circle around you... 

Y/N (possessed): “ill make sure she doesnt survive this John...”

John wouldnt allow another innocent to get hurt because of him... he did an exorcism...

John: “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu!”

with a lot of screaming and a huge intake of breath the fire went out as the demon left your body, you hit the ground with a thud, well at least your body did, your head however was caught by john’s lap...

there is always a reasonable explaination for everything but waking up with your head in the lap of someone that you didnt know was the weirdest thing you ever experienced... 

John: “take it easy love... your still on an adrenaline high...”

Y/N: “where am i? what happened to me?”

John: “a demon took your body for a spin just so it could strike at me...”

Y/N: “a demon, what the hell are you talking about and who are you?”

John: “my name is John constantine, i specialize in the weird cases... this is gonna make this sound weird you and i are connected... its hard to explain but i need you to stay with me...”

Y/N: “ok but why am i covered in blood?”

John helped wrap you in his trenchcoat, you didnt reject his touch but you were shivering, John could feel it, you were emitting tremendous signs of power...

John: “come on let me take you somewhere safe where you can get cleaned up, and i can make you something to eat and explain whats happening...”

Y/N: “good something we can both agree on is food and a bath...”

John: “ay we can agree on those but i must warn you that what i have to say might not be what you want to hear...”

Y/N: “it can’t be the worst thing ive heard recently...”

John: “are you good to get up now?”

you nod as John helps you up, he holds onto you for a moment before hlping you get into the car...

As John drove you felt something, a spark between you and him... there was something there and you wanted to know what...

As John pulled up you vaguely co uld see the outlines of a house... a little cottage... but appearances on the outside isn't necessarily what it is on the inside...

your eyes were in wonder as John helped you out of the car, and you then walked with John into the house...

John: "don't touch anything these are all cursed objects, magical objects! you will learn more as time goes on..."

Y/N: "John what was that spark that I felt when I touched your skin... earlier lifting me off the ground made my skin tingle then just a few moments ago when you helped me out of the car.. what is happening?"

John looks around as if hoping someone was there...

John: "I don't know if now is the best time to discuss this... right now we need to get your powers under control..."

you backed up a bit from him as he finished speaking...

Y/N: “wait wait wait hold on a moment i have powers... what do you mean i have powers... im normal, i dont have powers...”

John: “thats where you are wrong love... you see everyone in one way or another have some sort of gifts... mystical or not, you however like me have gifts of the mystical kind...”

Y/N: “how do you know that?”

Zedd: “cause i told him...”

she comes downstairs and into the light... you back up and you look at John who is rolling his eyes....

Zedd: “oh no me and John arent together that is your job...”

Y/N: “what the hell are you talking about?”

Zedd: “im a seer i have visions... i drew this a while back, John has been trying around the clock to find you...”

she held towards you a piece of paper with the drawing of 2 forearms with joined hands but the forearms had names on them... one said “Y/N” the other said “John”...

Y/N: “this is impossible... how did you know about this???”

you rolled up your sleeve and revealed John’s name on your forearm... John who had his sleeves down rolled his up as well and connected his hand with yours as he revealed Y/N on his forearm...

you looked at John as he looked at you with the same fear that went coursing through your veins...

John: “bloody hell Zedd why did you draw this moment...”

Zedd: “i draw whatever i see John now if you dont mind im off to exterminate a demon problem nearby... plus if it wasnt for me sending you to deal with Y/N’s possession you would never have met her... by the way i saw that too...”

John: “cheeky little blitter...”

you tried to move your hand away from Johns but it didn't move...

Y/N: "what's happening? why won't our hands move?"

John: "Its the soulmate bond... it's a magical binding that happens when 2 soulmates touch with their marks... it signifies the binding of 2 souls together..."

Y/N: "so what does this mean?"

John: "it means we either at this moment need to announce the mystical bindings of marriage or consummate our soulmate binding..."

you were out of place, you were beside yourself you were talking with this guy who saved your life but turned out to be your god damn soulmate at the same time thats something that you never thought would happen...

Y/N: “my vote is announce the bindings of Marriage... so i have time to get my powers under control before we consummate anything... does that make sense...”

John breathes in lightly, his eyes staring right into your soul, his mind running wild with all sorts of thoughts... 

John: “we envoke the rights of marriage bindings, anything that we do from here on out will have a great tole on both of us till the day when we stand up in church with the rings embedded with the symbolic binding powers vested in both of us... sub vinculo tenetur illas leges per quos magicae (bind us together under the laws laid out by those whose magic bound them also)”

the second john finished his lines the circle surrounding both of you was lighter but john and you couldnt let go yet... zedd came back and laughed...

Zedd: “you guys only did the first part... there is another part that needs to happen before you guys can have your arms back...”

you and John were now facing eachother the hands that had been at your sides were now attached one on top of the other. both of you sort of smiling at eachother the thoughts swirling through your heads of all the nasty options... Zedd pulled you and John out of it and back to reality as she brought up anohter circle around you guys and she smiled at both of you...

John: “what the bloody hell did we miss?”

Zedd: “you have to both agree to the bond otherwise it doesnt work... it has to be done with another person asking you both a question of course in Latin and of course you have to answer in Latin... are you guys ready?”

John looks at you and you at him as if trying to discover how the other is feeling about all of this...

John: “im ready if you are Y/N..”

Y/N: “lets do it, i cant wait to start practicing/discovering my powers...”

Zedd: “ergo consentire in matrimonium est vinculum universorum vincula? (do you agree to the bindings of this marriage bond?)”

Y/N: “Nunc munere in hoc conveniunt (i do hereby agree)”

John: “Nunc munere in hoc conveniunt (i do hereby agree)”

Zedd lowered the circle before speaking one final line as though to complete the binding.

Zedd: “Ecce ego unionem in magica huius benedicat constitutionis (i hereby bless this union under the magical constitution) you may kiss the bride...”

John leaned in at the sametime you did and your lips did the rest, before long your hands were freed but they seemed to do their own thing...

but thats when Zedd had a vision, she started sketching as you and John made out right in the middle of the bunker, she saw multiple things...

doves

rings

a cage

the demonic circle

a set of demonic black eyes

a broken knot

seeing all these things kinda terrified Zedd but she was just happy that right then her friend and her friends soulmate were happy but she finished sketching anyway and hid it in the back of her book... for the fear that if she told right now it would make things worse than they already were...

~thats all for now folks~

[elboyo-blog]

About Youtube Rewind

Right so… youtube rewind 2017 is out. Everyone’s favourite end of year tradition, showcasing all the trends people were talking about, and all the topics and creators on the site that cultivated the community around to make youtube stand ou…

I should stop. This is all bullshit as I am aware you all know, yourtube rewind is, was and always will be throwaway ‘look at us we’re unique!’ shite, but this years was especially aggravating. It really boiled down a reality that has been creeping up on us for a while. Youtube rewind 2017 just shows that youtube doesn’t want to be youtube. Of course that could be seen that last year, for example the whole Dwayne Johnson at the start but I believe that can be justified with the fact that Dwayne has a channel just for himself, what isn’t justifiable from last year at least is the fucking talk show hosts like trevor noah and Seth ‘cumstain’ myers.  This only gets worse and worse with this years entry however. But I’m getting ahead of myself, lets just break it down (tl;dr at the bottom)

overview (This will be the most chronological so watching along helps)

Right so off the fucking bat the vid starts with a Stephen Colbert(Not a youtuber) talking to Lele Pons (A viner and Instagram star who flocked to youtube where that ship sank) and some girl beside (I think she’s popular but I don’t know her), we then see some random girl run into the room and start the cue to ‘Despacito’ which I can see why it is there at least, as it sprung to the highest viewed it can have justification. It then cuts to some people dancing and switching shots locations and people (one of which is that one DJ marshmallow or whatever who, again, isn’t a youtuber). It stops at KSI (Who I’ll get too) using a fidget spinner (which ill also get too) with some some vloggers/IG stars beside him (probably). Oh, hey Rhett and Link.  We then get showcased to a slime playground of sorts. I have no fucking clue if this was a trend at all. The only thing I can link this too is all the ‘homemade slime’ tutorials I always hear about. The only thing I really got was ‘Wow! Muselk is thicc’ but other than that the whole thing I think was pointless. Then, for some reason, they put rinestones on their faces? Again, was this a trend? Like, was there a whole underground rinestone craze that slipped under people’s noses? Like most things though, I doubt if it was a trend it even started on youtube. Anyway, they do the dua lipa thing, go to Africa, uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube, do dance crazes during said ‘uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube’ that didn’t originate on youtube and HEY! The eclipse was a thing right? EventhoughthatprimarilyhappenedintheUSthereforealienatinganyrelatabilitythatyoutubewasgoingfor buuuuuut I digress. They do do one thing right which is the whole meme graveyard idea (fitting, I know) parodying the video for the worst tayloer swift yet (nothing beats love story fight me) oooooooh but then the DAB! They hit that DAB!  Into yet another ‘uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube’. Oh cool poopy’s there. Don’t know who that other person is but maybe it’s a new character in the poppy lore or maybe its just a person I don’t know or maybe recognise. The whole hurricane Harvey thing they pull next is insulting to the point ill reserve a whole section to it. Skipping that we go to a roof party with the DJ and the fidget spinner, a perfect almagimation of all that isn’t youtube based trends, seriously the dj could maybe be related as he uses youtube as an outlet for his music but fidget spinners were a physical thing! It was a brand! Literally this year’s version of silly bandz! Yes Susan, include this! Very youtube, much wow! Fuck off. Anyway, we see the party is home to the biggest twats of youtube, team 10 and the pauly boys (Note: that’s a nice band name). with them on the roof are stars that again, didn’t start on youtube. Most of them are viners and/or IG stars with like one or two from fine bros React (I shit you not if you look in the back there’s the old guy from elder’s react). We cut to more slime bois (hey Tomska). When they cut back, (yes holy shit it is the guy form elders react! Jfc) and they do their sick moves like the floss, a move YouTube claims to have homebrewed as well (come on guys, Katy Perry tried to claim it first). Hey, look its every 14y/o girls wet dream. More slime boyos. I think KEEM screams the floor is lava but… that trend was an IG trend wasn’t it or like the last vine trend, but it got Ol’ Yellered, like, just because Fine Bros do a youtubers react to it doesn’t make it a YouTube thing! Jeez louis. Big Shaq’s there, that’s neat. Some filler dancing and cuts when they cut back to the graveyard reinforcing that is it a graveyard for dead memes which I have problem with, because that would insinuate that ‘All Star’ died this year. No, it didn’t, and as long as Steve Harwell is still on God’s green earth no it won’t, yes its popularity has dulled but it was actually a meme that just faded away, cropping up every once in a while, its survival is different to similar trends like ‘We Are Number One’ which can make people I know physically wince when heard. All star didn’t die, it’ll be back if it even left in the first place. More vloggers and traditionally attractive people flash by as a whole recap happen of the torment thrusted upon me. The last live action sketch is Lele and her friend greet the non-youtuber rounding out the production. The credits are actually the best part of this however as we see different pseudo-animators (think more odd1s out, less Psychicpebbles), such as Extra Credits, Tabbes, Jaidenanimation, Odd1sout, Rebecca Parham, ItsAlexClark and Simon’s cat. Though their subject matter is just as pander-y shite as the whole vid you can see the effort in their animation and it’s nice to see that youtube finally removed the dildo it has been shoving up most youtube animator’s asses for the last 3-5 years (but by ‘removed’ I really mean they just slapped a sign on it that says ‘here at YouTube, we love our animators!’ and pretend they solved the problem.

Dead fucking memes/(hate to use the phrase but) irrelevancy

The Dab, fidget spinners, shooting stars with more probably but it was hard to see during my stroke, point is, YouTube is out of touch and has zero self-awareness when it comes to memes and trends

I know the word sounds pretentious as hell but seriously, here’s a my honest-to-god reaction of who I saw on screen

·         Not a youtuber

·         Not a youtuber

·         Don’t know

·         Don’t know

·         Despactio guy 1

·         Don’t know *3

·         Despacito guy 2: electric boogaloo

·         Don’t know *2

·         Don’t know *2

·         Don’t know *2

·         Dj boi

·         Vannos

·         Don’t Know *4 Ft. Lincoln

·         Don’t know *3

·         Quick flashes of the great unknown

·         KSI and his favourite toy (not counting NetNobody’s dick)

·         Don’t know *6 (Empire was better)

·         Another 3 I don’t know but there is that one guy who screams a lot, think his names guacamole or something

·         @rhettandlink and another guy, classic trio

·         Don’t know*2

·         Don’t know*slime

·         Don’t know* rhinestone

·         Hey, its @a-kind-ale-war

·         Africa – Toto

·         Slo mo guys among the dead meme cosmos

·         Otherwise, you guessed it, no clue

·         Don’t know * field

·         Don’t know any of the eclipse crew

·        @caseyneistat

·         God’ wrath in the form of comets coming to smite us as failed creations

·         YouTube Is Shutting Down My Channel and I'm Not Sure What To Do

·         His beautiful bastards (nameless in my lack of knowledge)

·         6 zombies that died in obscurity, nameless and unknown, ‘tis a shame

·         Why I left Smosh

·         The cosmos of people I don’t know

·         KSI’s brother

·         Poppy

·         A DC lawsuit

·         Mooooooooorrrrrreeeeee spaaaaaaccceeeee

·         A youtube circle jerk of self-righteousness (more on that later)

·         People holding hands

·         The shitty vine family

·         Team 10 bitch who the hell are flipping you

·         The other one

·         Shitty IG ‘Comedy’ Squad

·         Black guys and backpack kid (Note: another good band name, though it needs tweaking)

·        @thetomska getting face fucked

·         Victims of the great slime massacre (slime control now!)

·         Old guy from react

·         Don’t know*roof party

·         Every teenage girls wet dream/gay ship

·         Daniel Keem saying floor is lava

·         Lava victims

·         A very cold rapper

·         Don’t know but has a sword

·         More zombie boys

·         A cluster of people 2012

·         Forehead in the back again (sorry jack)

·         @markiplier

·         Why I gave the pope Undertale

·         A finale of people I don’t know being absorbed by the cosmos

·         Neato mosquito animators

As you can see a good majority of the stars I doubt much people know, probably only chosen for the brand friendliness which begs the question…

Exclusions/double standards

A lot of people were excluded from this year’s rewind, which isn’t a surprise in the slightest. This issue was brought up last year as well, but with this year it showcases some hypocrisy with possible reasons to exclude folks. Firstly, KSI, he had the whole beef with NetNobody (the greatest Minecraft youtuber there is) but Netnobody was excluded, it couldn’t be numbers or presence as before retiring, Adam had about 11 million subs, maybe he declined, like most sane people would, or maybe because he neither pulls the views or the family friendly influence that he used to. Its safe to assume Ricegum and IDubbbz got rejected by choice, again sanity, or because of their beef, which is again hypocritical of the site as KSI was allowed on fine and Keem along with the Paul brothers aren’t the angels of Youtube either. Again, it seems YouTube is really trying to push this family friendly goofball persona which is perfect for the weird kids and the cool kids which is true but is only really surface level in the rewind and the reality isn’t really shown otherwise. Also fuck that Nazi racist Pewdiepie amirite ladies?

Hurricane Harvey debacle

I believe this is honestly the most insulting aspect of the rewind. Though it had good intentions it just highlights YouTube’s utter ignorance. Not to pull a PJW but this is dictionary definition virtue signalling. Youtube makes themselves out to be all together, yes youtube, you are the most influential platforms of our generation, cat videos and make-up vlogs can save the world! In all seriousness though this is one of the most botched poorly executed thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m counting HWNDU. For one thing the tone and flow is horrible, the segment is frankenstiened into the middle of the video and puts a halt on the relatively well paced video, and is followed by a radical hip and swaggity dance party yeah! As if the whole was a task by the team and when they were down with it they thought; “right, that’s over with. Back to the fun and cool stuff yeah!” if they kept the pace by putting the thing just before the credits as to highlight the message at the end and while everyone’s lifted by the message they’re treated to the credits and the talents of the wonderful animators. However, that would only make the segment flow correctly as, in my opinion, it comes off as quite nepotistic to big creators. A method they could’ve done is before they filmed or edited anything they could’ve announced to fans and viewers to send in webcam clips and videos of them holding hands in unity or saying unity, showing a UNITY between fans and creators. That said this brings me to my conclusion;

 Conclusion

Youtube doesn’t want to be youtube, it wants to be a family and advertiser friendly site for all to come, it wants to be seen as a beacon for ALL internet trends and ideas and it wants to be seen as a user and creator friendly platform. But youtube isn’t this, and youtube hates that. This year has seen the worst year in the sites history for user treatment and contact showing double standards with actual users and companies such as talk show hosts, with things like the adpocolypse rumoured trending tab rigging and trending tab blacklists. Along with this is the, as I said, nepostistic outlook on creators, with youtube success being less and less consistency based and more and more luck based on one video blowing up and staying that way, and trending (along with youtube in general), should facilitate a rise in creators and ideas instead of promoting channels who already have 5-6 million subs and censoring a lot of voice directly or indirectly. With no other options for video site (realistically, nobody uses vimeo or dailymotion and fucking rip vidme) youtube’s current state is more dire than ever and their push for a false identity within an identity crisis for the site is very obvious. This alongside their cowardice and compliance with controversy like in the nazi Pewds situation is showing to be really damaging.

Tl;dr: get a fucking backbone youtube and stop pretending to be something that you’re not.

[theeurekaproject]

Sub Noctem

Lyra woke up to laser lights.

She rubbed her head and looked at the blood trickling down onto her hands. She didn't entirely remember how she'd gotten here or what happened to her, but she didn't really need to. She didn't exactly have a home to go back to, anyway.

She stood up and reached in her pocket for a mirror. Her wallet was missing, not that there was anything in it to begin with. Small as they were, she knew better than to leave her night's earnings anywhere as obvious as a wallet.

The mirror on her compact had long since broken, but she couldn't afford a new one. It was the first thing she'd ever bought with her own money, a whopping five credits and fifty three cents earned over the course of four days of double shifts. In hindsight, spending that much money on something as stupid as a compact seemed thoughtless, but she'd been young then. It was probably about a decade ago, so Lyra was five, maybe six?

Through the cracks in the mirror, she could see that her bright pink, bubblegum-colored hair was somehow even messier than it usually was, and one side of her face was covered in deep violet bruises she didn't remember getting. Somebody probably beat her up and took her wallet, she reasoned. Part of her wondered why they didn't just kill her if they were going to mug her and dump her in an alley, but maybe the robber didn't want to get their hands dirty unnecessarily. Besides, they probably knew they'd never get prosecuted. Even if Lyra somehow worked up the courage to waltz into a police station, they'd never believe a Cantator, anyway.

She tried in vain to smooth the tangles on her head. The blood from the laceration she'd somehow sustained had dried in her hair, making it even worse. She remembered buying a comb at some point, but some other girl had immediately stolen it, and she never bothered trying to recover it. It was best not to pick a fight if one could help it down here.

Abandoning the hope of making herself look decent, she tucked the compact mirror back into her purse. Pretty girls got the best tips, but with the bruises and the cuts and the acne she already had, fixing her hair probably wouldn't help much anyway. If she had makeup, she might have been able to make herself look better, but she couldn't afford that, either.

She set off to work, not entirely knowing what time it was. Judging by the amount of teenage girls on street corners, it was probably late at night. Keeping track of time was difficult when the sunlight couldn't shine through the buildings to reach here, and she had no idea how long she'd slept for.

She entered through the back door of the building, not wanting to deal with the crowd outside. "You're late," one of the dancers snarled, leaning against the wall by the door.

"You think I don't know that?" Lyra asked.

"Well, if you knew that, why didn't you get here faster? It's been like an hour since you were supposed to be here. Viola's going to be pissed."

"Viola's probably too drunk to notice."

The dancer sighed. "I'd like to argue with you, but you're probably right. At least, I hope you are, for your sake."

Lyra rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine."

It was true that Viola could be nasty when she wanted to be. Still, Lyra had dealt with far worse before—Viola wasn't anywhere near as formidable as a threat as she thought she was. She was one of those people who went mad with power when given the slightest hint of authority, and who exercised her drug-fueled stim rage on her underlings just for the hell of it. But when it came down to it, Viola was nothing more than a 30-year-old woman who looked and acted like a 60-year-old because of her history of violence and substance abuse, and there was nothing she could really do but yell at Lyra and steal her tips, which happened on a daily basis anyway.

Lyra washed her hands quickly—not like it would help; it was filthy everywhere, and she was sure the water had just as many germs as the surroundings—and put on an apron. It was probably supposed to look sexier than it did, but because Lyra was so short, it hung around her knees instead of high up on her thighs. Then she put on the rest of the overly cutesy, cheaply made, poorly designed ensemble—uncomfortable heels with no arch support, a choker with the same lacy details as the apron, thin satiny gloves that wouldn't protect against anything, and bows for her scraggly hair. Because even the cleaning staff had to be eye candy.

"You look ridiculous," said Alicaria. Alicaria wasn't the name on her birth certificate—like many others here, she probably didn't even have a birth certificate—but she was an alicaria, so that's what they called her. It worked well that way; Sufflava for the girl with platinum blonde hair, Saltatrix for the prima ballerina, Sambuca for the harp player. Lyra had gotten her name from when Cithara was ill for two months and she'd made extra tips by playing the abandoned lyre. Cantatores didn't get names. They were defined by their caste and their job, because that's the only thing they were good for, and Lyra was no exception.

"I look better than you," she retorted. Alicaria was dressed in a ridiculous ensemble designed to show off her curves, but she didn't really have anything to show other than protruding ribs and a hunger-swollen stomach.

"Give it two more years and you'll be in my position," Alicaria said. "Hell, maybe even less than that. Just wait until Aria kicks the bucket."

"What happened to Aria?" Lyra asked.

"Pregnant. The last kid nearly killed her—she woulda died if it weren't for that charity doctor woman who cut open her organs to get the baby out. And God knows we aren't going to get charity doctors down here anymore, not since Alestra passed all those regulations on which castes can go where."

Lyra laughed. "Let's hope Acidalia's better." "Acidalia? Please," Alicaria scoffed. "I doubt she'll make it a month before she's dead."

Lyra knitted her eyebrows. "What makes you say that?"

"Did you hear the news? Last night, some aristocrat got fed up and tried to kill her in the middle of some party. Cassiopeia was her name, I think? The girl from the Generalis family. It was a whole big thing."

"An assassination attempt?" Lyra's eyes widened. "Wow. I would not want to be in that Generalis girl's position right now."

"More like you don't want to be in Acidalia's position. Half the court wants her dead, apparently."

"Why?" Lyra asked. She was well aware that any sort of criticism of the Imperial family was liable to lead to death for treason. Even though the laws were always different for the upper class, she felt like trying to murder the Imperatrix Ceasarina was one of those things that was always frowned upon, regardless of social status.

"Beats the hell out of me. Apparently she's a Martian bastard child, but that's just a rumor. And you know, she supposedly has a rocky relationship with Alestra. Anyway," Alicaria said, "I'm just a Cantator. What do I know?"

"More than me," Lyra replied. "I don't even watch the news. They never play it in here."

"Yeah, guys like to watch sports mostly." Alicaria rolled her eyes. "Drives me mad. I'll be sitting there flirting with some guy and all he cares about is which idiot, doped-up transhuminist cyborg beats the other idiot, doped-up transhumanist cyborg… oh, shit."

"What? Oh, Viola." Lyra sighed. "I should go."

"No, not Viola. Look." Alicaria pointed at a pair of young men who had mistakenly waltzed right into the back entrance. "Who the hell are they?" "I don't know, some soldiers on shore leave?" Alicaria shook her head. "Nah, they're immunes. Look at them. They ain't the type of draft dodgers who show up in here on the regular. They've got money."

"What's an immune?" Lyra asked, but Aricaria was already hanging off one of the soldier's arms, looking at him like a predator eyeing its prey.

"So," she asked, her voice a husky vibrato, "come here often?" The soldier boy laughed and puffed out his chest to show his shiny pins and badges. Lyra had no idea what they were for, but they sure looked important.

"Not really," he said. "What's a pretty girl like you doing down here?"

"Mmmm, wouldn't you like to know." She twirled a piece of bleach-blonde hair around her finger and giggled as if she'd just heard the funniest thing in the world. "What's your name, handsome?" "Well, officially AX-C240, but my friends call me Ace," he said cockily.

AX unit? Lyra thought. They were specialists, the type of people who got invited to classy parties and hung out with aristocrats—the sons of the rich and famous. Alicaria was right—these people had money, and they looked like the exact type of dumb upper-crusts who paid more than was necessary because they didn't know what was the normal rate. And there were two of them. She'd never so much as touched a boy before, but she desperately needed cash, and—

"Stop it, Ace," the other boy said, interrupting Lyra's train of thought. For some strange reason, she felt almost relieved. "She's a meretrix, she's just trying to get your money."

Alicaria pouted. "Well, you don't have to say it like that."

"Well, I'm right, aren't I?" the boy asked. "Neither of us have credits to spare right now, anyway."

"Like hell you don't," Alicaria snapped. "You're part of one of the highest ranked sectors in the entire army and you're wearing ceremonial gear to boot. You look like the goddam Imperatrix herself."

Suddenly the boy's face went white. "What? Who told you that?"

"Jeez, nobody. Relax," Alicaria said huffily. "You people are always so paranoid. Either spend some money or get out."

The boy breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, okay. We won't be using your services, you can leave now."

"Whatever." Alicaria stomped away, her mismatched stilettos clacking against the grimy hardwood floor.

Lyra turned back to the two men. "Who are you looking for?" "Are you trying to sell us something?" Ace asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm the maid slash underage eye candy for creepy dudes." Lyra gestured to her apron. "Just trying to be helpful."

"Well, you don't look very much like 'eye candy,' no offense," he said. "Did you know your nose has been bleeding for this entire conversation?"

Lyra lifted a hand to her nose. It was bloody. "Huh."

"What happened to you?" the other soldier asked. "You look like you got jumped."

Lyra shrugged. "I probably did get jumped." The soldiers looked at each other, surprised. They definitely seemed like the type of exploitable young idiots who didn't know how things worked down here—anyone who came to the Undergound without knowing the incredibly high crime rate was setting themselves up for failure.

"You look awful," the soldier said. "Do you want a bandage or something? The name's T, by the way." "Lyra," Lyra said, "but that's not my real name. I don't really have one." T shrugged. "Neither do I." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny medkit, which expanded open into a full kit like a pop-up book when he touched the red cross on the front.

"Latex or non-latex?"

"Don't care," Lyra replied indifferently, but inside she was pleasantly surprised. She'd never had somebody pause to help her before, let alone ask her preferred type of bandage. T handed her a pink one in the same color as her hair, which she plastered on her bleeding cheek.

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him—a genuine smile, not a please-give-me-your-money smile. "Who are you looking for anyway?"

"Her name's Cassandra," Ace said. A lightbulb went off in Lyra's head.

"What's her caste?"

Ace paused momentarily, racking his brain for something. "A Scientia, I think? Her daughter used to be an astrophysicist student, I know that much. But then Cass got caught committing some type of crime and they went on the run, and now they're down here someplace."

"I think I know her!" Lyra exclaimed.

T snorted. "Trust me, you'd know if you knew Cassandra." "I think I do. She's kind of popular around these parts," Lyra explained. "I've never met her personally, but I know a little about her. She's supposedly nicer than most lenae and has a terrifying cat."

"A well known lena cat lady," T chuckled. "She was always bad at keeping a low profile, wasn't she?"

Ace nodded. "She's so attention-seeking. Do you know where she is?"

Lyra thought for a moment. "I think she might live near the lustris across the street? I always assumed she was the procuress, but apparently that's not true." "Nah," Ace said. "She just likes to make up stories. You want to come with us?" T sighed. "Ace, we can't just—"

"She's bleeding, T," Ace argued, his voice sounding more whiny than Lyra expected from such a pompous-looking soldier.

T frowned. "Fine. But only because you're hurt and Cass has a bigger medkit than I do. And we're in such deep shit that I doubt Cassandra would object to us bringing along a random praeministra."

Lyra sighed. "I mean, I do have work. But I'm also late, and the more I can avoid Viola—my supervisor—the better." "Who's Viola?" Ace asked.

"She works for my Magister," Lyra said. "She's not dangerous or anything, but she's kind of a jerk."

"And who's your Magister?" "The guy who owns me," Lyra said.

The soldiers looked at each other, alarmed.

"Not owns me like a slave," she added quickly. "I mean, he didn't buy me—well I guess he did, kinda. I'm just in a lot of debt to him—well, actually, my mother is in a lot of debt to him, but she's probably either dead or worse, so it's my problem now."

"That doesn't seem fair," Ace said.

Lyra smiled sadly. "Life isn't fair. You just have to make do with the cards you're dealt."

"Maybe we can deal you another, better card," Ace offered, holding out a hand. "Actually, that's probably a bad analogy. I don't know how card games work."

"It works well enough for me," Lyra laughed, taking his hand. "You know, I want to go with you, but I don't think I can. I have a job… and as shitty as it is, it's a job. Those are hard to come by, especially for Cantatores. And I need money, badly. I can't just walk away from this to follow two guys I just met." T and Ace looked at each other. They shared a moment of understanding that Lyra was not privy to, then turned to face her again.

"I can offer you a lot more money than you're making now," T said, his voice quieter. "And a comfortable place to sleep, and three hot meals a day."

Lyra suddenly had a realization. "You're trying to rope me into some human trafficking ring, or a cult, or an organ harvesting operation, aren't you? Because that's exactly what this sounds like."

T rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess it kind of looks like that. It's not, though."

"And I should believe you why?" Lyra asked, crossing her arms.

"I mean, there really isn't a reason. You don't have to come with us," Ace said. "I just… feel bad. No offense, but you look like garbage."

Lyra didn't think she looked that bad, all things considered… but then again, these two were clearly wealthy—not even middle-class, could-afford-their-own-apartment wealthy, but really wealthy—and they probably had different standards for how people were supposed to look. And they were being nice to her. That was new.

"Your nose is still bleeding," T added, offering her thick bundle of gauze.

Lyra looked at him, then looked at the doorway to the inside of the bar. Truthfully, she wanted to take this chance, but there was just such a high risk of it being something deadly. If she followed these soldiers, as nice as they were, there was a high chance she'd never return.

But what did she have to come back to, anyway?

She had no future down here. In all honesty, she would never work off that debt—she'd be in her sixties before it was gone, and that's assuming she made it past twenty, which most girls didn't. Aria probably wouldn't make it past 18 if Alicaria was right, and she usually was. And what would Lyra do then? She wouldn't be indebted, but she'd still have no money to speak of and no job lined up, so she'd just keep working here… and nothing would change, debt or no debt. She'd be broke forever, reliant on people born into money to give her scraps of charity off their great table. This might be the one opportunity she had to break that cycle.

"Okay," she decided. "Let's go, but quickly."

"You sure changed your tune," T said, surprised.

"Ever come to the realization that the whole system is a kind of screwed up cycle and you're stuck in it?" Lyra asked.

"Funnily enough," he said, "I have."

Lyra assumed he was talking about the military complex—she didn't entirely know what that was, but it seemed like a newsworthy buzzword that soldiers would talk about—but there was something in his tone that suggested otherwise. She looked more closely at him, trying to understand what he meant. Then she noticed that his almost-orange skin and brown, Martian eyes were incredibly familiar. He reminded her of somebody she'd seen before.

There were plenty of half-Martians in the army, and most Eleutherian soldiers were supposed to look alike. She was probably just thinking of some other man. Still, for some reason the resemblance was almost reassuring.

Lyra took the apron off and hung it back up on the nail that served as a hook. She wanted to say something cool about leaving the system or breaking out of their programming, then she realized that it would make her sound like a protagonist from a crappy cyberpunk movie, and she probably wasn't cool enough to pull it off.

Instead, she held the gauze tighter to her nose and left the bloodstains sitting there on the floor, reveling in the fact that for once she didn't have to clean it up. Maybe she was going straight into an organ harvesting ring or a murderous cult, but maybe this small victory, this ability to just walk away from this place, was worth it.

[ghoultyrant]

Madoka: Rebellion

So I finally watched Madoka: Rebellion because some people insisted I would actually like it and have my concerns about its awfulness addressed if I watched it.

These people were badly mistaken.

Massive spoilers, of course.

As with my FoZ notes, [bracketed text] is notes I added in after the original writing, taking into account information from later in the movie.

---------------------

So wait, in Fixed-Verse, anyone can Witch out? (Yes I know they're called 'Nightmares' now. You know what I see? SUPER WITCHES) WHAT THE FUCK MADOKA. [We’re not actually seeing fixed-verse, so it’s not as dumb as I thought]

It took more than fifteen minutes for the plot to start going anywhere.

What is Kyoko doing in the same school in the same year as Madoka and Sayaka? She's more Mami's peer, so even if she was going to the same school she should be in a year above. THIS IS NOT HOW CAUSALITY FUCKERY WORKS. [”But Ghoul Tyrant!” I hear you say. “It’s supposed to be wrong like that because It’s All Just A Dream!” Sure. Fine. And Kyoko is still in their school in their year at the end of the movie because?...]

Oh: and of course we have 'fanservice'. Kill me. [It’s far, far more common than these notes might lead you to believe, as I was not going to note down every goddamn individual instance]

… why are the transformations in the Witch art style? (With a million panty shots fuck everything forever) I note we get a split-second Witch-word cut during Sayaka's one. Then Homura's did a Witch-word cut with, like, silent film surroundingness. Twice. [Taking into account later events, this is actually somewhat competent foreshadowing]

… they call themselves the 'holy quintet'? Really?

THE WITCH IS EL KABONG I INSTANTLY FORGIVE... some... of the horribleness.

Why are we doing the Cake Song. [Knowing what’s actually going on doesn’t make this any more sensical] Why are we 25 minutes in and I still have no clue what's going on?

It took thirty minutes for Kyoko to actually eat and talk at the same time. Kill her now, Homura, she's clearly a pod person!

“I came, I saw, Mitakihara”. Cute.

FINALLY, not quite 40 minutes in we get Homura going “I remember the past, no one else does”. No, sorry, the scenery porn wasn't interesting enough to hold me for the first third of the movie.

I keep wondering if the extreme closeups on Homura are supposed to look like Witch art style as a hint or if it's a coincidence they failed to notice. [At this point I’m pretty sure it’s an ill-thought-out coincidence, as they also do it with Madoka’s eyes at times]

Goddammit, no, punching a button in timestop shouldn't un-timestop the windows. And what kind of lunatic would design windows so high up to open like that at the push of a button anyway? [Answer: Homura, apparently]

The thing that's crazy-making about Fake Mitakihara City is that the real thing is such an insane collage of nonsensical and/or improbable architecture that what parts are “crazy because Labyrinth” and what parts are “crazy because Mitakihara City” is difficult to parse. So when weirdness is supposed to be a hint... er... how am I supposed to tell?

Okay, so I thought Mami and Homura's mega fight sequence was pretty dumb when I happened to watch it in isolation on Youtube, but now I know how it starts, and it goes from “dumb” to 'Dumb with a side helping of the Idiot Version of Just As Keikaku.” [Why did Mami have an invisible ribbon on Homura when she timestopped? What made her that paranoid about Homura? Oh, you wanted your story to make basic sense? You poor fool, you’re watching Rebellion. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here, because there’s no fucking quality or sense here. Ever]

Wait, why did I just hear a Pokeball release sound? [Charlotte made it]

Let me expand on this fight sequence being dumb: I thought it was... like, occurring in a post-apocalyptic town or something, when I watched it on Youtube. Okay, sure, now I know Homura thinks everything is fake so WHOO COLLATERAL DAMAGE GO! So... why's Mami recklessly tearing apart everything, beyond “it looks cool shut the fuck up and enjoy our five billion yen lightshow”? Also, why did Homura re-initiate timestop, given it does nothing to help her in this (utterly retarded) fight? And frankly the choreography is awful, as you spend the first half with no way to get a coherent idea of what's actually happening beyond that they're Shooting At Each Other A Lot. The second half is easier to follow, but makes even less sense as a fight scene, with the bit where they keep trying and failing to shoot each other in the head from point-blank being probably the best example of how Cool But Nonsensical Shit is happening because fuck you enjoy the spectacle!

It was neat to break up the monotony the first... five or so times we were viewing people through reflections or whatever. At this point I'm starting to think whoever headed the art of this movie had an actual psychological problem, though.

I would like for events to at some point progress because the characters make some kind of sense and are working toward actual goals, rather than spouting cryptic nonsense or fighting or whatever because lol. Kyoko and Homura trying to leave the city and it failing is so far the only time anybody has done anything that really made sense.

Dog drug reinforcement? The fuck, crazyland DDR?

Okay, I'll admit, the bus slamming into the ground out of the sky got a laugh out of me. Good on you Rebellion. I legitimately liked... a 0.5 second sequence. I'm over an hour in. Congrats.

No, I'm sorry. This “Isolation Field” bullshit doesn't explain jack. It's a copout. “We're supersciencers, ergo we can make a field that blocks out what amounts to a god and/or law of physics.” No. A million trillion times no. This isn't even a lampshade, as the movie clearly intends for me to take this nonsense seriously.

Oh, and it's one-way! Except when it isn't! Hold up, stop, even if I accept this utter and total bullshit, it fails under the weight of its own bad writing anyway. Who would Homura invite in first? Madoka, you utterly godawful writer. Who is 'the Law of Cycles'? Fucking Madoka. Fail. Terrible. Nonsense. I don't have words for how much I hate this crap.

No, saying “well, you see, Madoka could only come in as a victim and not as the semi-omnipotent Law of Cycles” via Kyubey is not an explanation. Kyubey doesn't know shit. He knows he doesn't know shit, or else he wouldn't be doing the fucking experiment! So having him make random baseless assertions the audience is supposed to accept without question doesn't fucking work because we know he doesn't know that for a fact. In the anime, we could accept that he was an authority figure/expert because he was talking about shit that had been occurring for thousands of years, and it only really broke down once Madoka made her wish and Kyubey was suddenly just the writer talking directly to Homura/the audience, at which point I could basically pretend he's just the most convenient voice actor to play the role or some such vaguely reasonable crap.

Here though, we have several essential plotpoints simultaneously hinging on “I am ignorant! SCIENCE TIME!” that are then being explained by him with “I know everything. Trust me.”

No. This is like the definition of bad writing, and nothing prior to this point has gotten me invested enough in the story to overlook what a colossal fail this is on every level.

One hour and fifteen minutes in, with 40 minutes left to go. The remaining 40 minutes better be the best shit I have ever seen. [Spoiler: Not even slightly]

THIS IS NOT HOW SCIENCE WORKS ON ANY LEVEL. “We don't know this thing exists. It has clearly observable effects, which we know for sure are happening, albeit we don't know its actual mechanism” is what Kyubey should be saying. Not “Oh man this 'law of cycles' thing is a mere hypothesis with no evidence!” I hate this movie.

Kyubey: “Gosh darn all you illogical people.” ← the most illogical being in the universe in this movie.

Now, I'd like to like that we're watching a Witch attacking someone with the Witch as the protagonist, except so far it's been lame and primarily been an excuse to draw Weird Symbolic Shit. There's bits that I like... but only bits. And what the hell is with Kyubey just reappearing somewhere nearby each time he 'dies'?

Okay, I like Kyubey being freaked out by Sayaktavia. Congrats, two times I've actually liked a tiny fraction of the movie.

Sidenote: imagine that every third line or so I instead said SUICIDE METAPHOR INTENSIFIES. Yes, really. [The original anime was kind of bad about its suicide metaphor subtext not being very sub. The movie is far, far more blatant]

GAME OVER. RETURN OF GANON RISE OF HOMURA

So why exactly is the movie condemning Homura rewriting reality to... do... something... vs praising Madoka for rewriting reality to do away with Witches? What has Homura even done that is so contemptible? Why am I supposed to agree with this awful narrative? Oh no, her wish was ‘selfish’ vs Madoka heroically sacrificing herself for the benefit of everyone. And? Has anyone actually had their life made worse? What has she even done, beyond bring Madoka back into humanity and rewrite history to flip some things around? I mean, she even says she intends to destroy all the Wraiths! She’s doing something noble, for sure, so, again: why am I supposed to conflate her with Satan?

And why am I supposed to care, given nothing at any point made even dreamlogic sense?

Also, Kyoko is still in their goddamn class in the 'real world'.

This movie is dumb. This movie is just “look, a bunch of artists were given billions of yen to draw whatever they wanted, and then I guess some writer tried to pretend it made sense?” If you want to watch visually interesting stuff and never, ever have it make any kind of sense -okay, occasionally make some symbolic sense- then okay cool this is a decent movie.

Otherwise?

What the fuck this movie is awful.

Okay: the stinger ending having Homura dancing to Kyubey's corpse? Made me laugh. Seeing Kyubey horrified? Also made me laugh. CONGRATS FOUR WHOLE MOMENTS I KIND OF ENJOYED IN THIS HOUR AND FIFTY-EIGHT MINUTES.

THAT'S LIKE MORE THAN A MOMENT OF NOT-AWFUL EVERY THIRTY MINUTES.

--------------------------

Having slept on it, I've realized I have still more criticisms.

Audio: Back in the anime, I wasn't necessarily a fan of how any given episode used the music available to it, but the music was fantastic on average. I actually had one of the credits/Witch battle tunes as my background music for reading for a while there, that's how good they were on their own. Rebellion continues the trend of putting its music to questionable use, only now the music itself is fairly forgettable and boring. The best stuff tends to be riffing on established 'Madoka music', and even then it's merely okay, not actually engaging in its own right.

I touched upon this indirectly when covering the Mami/Homura fight, but the choreography is weaker in general. The anime had its weak moments, but it also had some great moments, like how it handled Homura's “teleportation”. Rebellion is just... weak, other than it's occasional questionable 'gotcha' moments.

After the Mami/Homura fight, Sayaka swoops in to save Homura and jabber at her a bunch. This is not any kind of natural flow of events, it just sort of happens without an actual explanation. I didn't like the scene when I was watching the movie, but I was sort of half-expecting it to make sense somewhere down the line, particularly with Sayaka indicating she's more in the know than she 'should' be, but no, it just... is a thing that happens, because.

Similarly, why is Charlotte Bebe the only Witch to act as Goddoka's right-hand woman aside from the bizarre case of Sayaka apparently being able to... tap her Witch powers?... even though Madoka's wish prevented Witches from occurring in the first place? What is any of this crap?

Why was Homura able to entrap a 'piece' of Goddoka at all?

If the Incubator's retarded Isolation Field blocked out all outside forces, why does gravity apply? Why does light apply? Why does, you know, myriad physics apply? Oh right I'm applying critical thinking to a retarded plot device. How foolish of me to expect the story to make even the slightest bit of sense. I might then be able to derive some enjoyment from the movie, and that would clearly be a mission fail.

I just. I have no idea why there are people who watched this movie and went “This is a good movie and I enjoyed it” instead of “This is a terrible movie on pretty much every level and I will make sure everyone everywhere forever knows it isn't worth watching even if you're a fan of Madoka.”

I have difficulty imagining it even if I turned my brain off and just took in the wacky art. I have difficulty imagining anyone, anywhere, deriving any enjoyment from it at all in any manner ever.

But people have, somehow.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[chunmakowski3-blog]

mature wanker - Six Tips That Will Make You Guru In Mature Fap

About a week ago I received a relatively innocent Snapchat photo from a girl Id long given up any of hope of ever hearing from again... mostly because theres about 8,000 miles separating us. Ill call her Cèleste for our purposes today. We had a short "How are you" conversation as prior lovers are prone to do and the reminiscing on her has lead me to resolve to contribute to this sub instead of just lurking today. Ill be including some buildup as frankly its inseparably woven into the fabric of my memory of this night but Ill include a break down below for you to skip to if the sexy is what you seek. Additionally there may be some moral choices present that you may or may not agree with.. thats your prerogative. The Friday night we met was a pretty normal fall Southern California evening. I had worked the day shift at the bar where I was employed and got off around 6pm after helping with the happy hour rush. I came home to an empty house. My wife at the time had gone down to LA from the small college town where we lived with a couple of friends and our housemate to a concert/celebrate a birthday but unfortunately I wasnt able to get off work the full weekend so I was left behind.. which was fine with me anyway, the band wasnt my thing and I dont care for clubbing which was mostly their whole weekend plus my wife and I hadnt really been getting along for the better part of four months anyway so I figured some time to decompress and be alone would be nice. I hit downtown about an later and found a spot at the bar of a place Id walked past a few times but never gone inside. It had an eclectic vibe split between people watching playoff baseball and dancing to the loud house music pumping so I figured Id hang around. She came in with her friend about thirty minutes later. She was maybe 53" in her dark converse sneakers. She cut a great figure (I had no idea) in a gray T-shirt with French writing and dark jeans.. But I think it was the black leather jacket that really oozed confidence and raw sensual mystique. When she sat at the bar I had a flashback to college: that first day of class when everyones picking seats and a cute girl walks in, surveys the room and winds up picking the seat next to you. I wasnt even single or looking for a girl to pick up and it still had me flustered a bit.. but once they had their drinks and started chatting with each other the feeling passed and it was back to baseball. Or at least so I thought.. shortly after returning from a cigarette break her friend began talking with a young man and Cèlestes attention wandered. I cant remember who started the conversation (likely her), but Ill never forget the feeling of being entranced staring into her gorgeous bright green eyes while she repeatedly pondered how anyone could enjoy "bays-bowl". I answered her sarcastic jabs with a bit of sass and it piqued her interest enough to skip the next smoke break. The connection was almost instant. We ordered a couple more rounds and talked about cultural differences, history, languages and education. When shed first come in Id guessed she was an exchange student at the local University, perhaps 19 or 20 using a fake ID but in fact she was 23 and freshly graduated. She and her friend were taking a three month long tour of California before taking jobs back home. The conversation inexorably turned to our love lives and after telling me she was single and not looking to settle down any time soon she asked about me. Drunk with infatuation (and maybe a couple of whiskey shots) I replied that I too was single and just working in town because.. hey, its a college beach town. This is a time to mention that this only worked because I didnt have a wedding ring on. My wife and I had decided to forego rings in favor of matching tattoos.(We were HS sweethearts. Young and dumb, I know.) Eventually Cèleste wants to go somewhere else as she and Nathalie were only in town until tomorrow. Nathalies beau had ditched her so they ask me to lead them somewhere new and fun. We take off as Nathalie closes her bill but as were walking down the street Cèleste starts feeling not so good.. I lead her down a side street and into an alley where she proceeds to... Yeah. I hold her hair until shes done, then flag Nathalie down and offer to call them a cab but for whatever reason Cèleste decides she wants to stay out. She drinks water at the next bar while sobering up as Nathalie flirts until last call and then we head to the beach. The three of us sit on the sand listening to the waves and share a spliff while we look at the stars and talk until about 4am. It was so serene and the mental stimulation/connection I felt with her during that chat will forever stay in my memory. Cèleste is much more sober than Nathalie as this point and starts talking about getting an Uber for their 45 minute trip home. In my infatuated stupor I offer my house as an alternative. Now, wary reader, before you assume my awful intentions I wasnt thinking with my little head. Id ruled anything like that out the second those drinks had come back up for a visit. I explained how my roommates were out of town and that theres a spare bed they could have. Cèleste hugged and thanked me and they agreed so we caught an Uber home. Cèleste was very cuddly on the drive, thanking me for being such a gentleman after her episode while Nathalie was basically about to pass out. We got in the house and I showed them their room/bathroom and said goodnight. I heard the shower turn on as I changed out of my clothes, turned off the lights and closed my eyes listening to the water falling and thinking about my strained marriage and exciting it was feeling a romantic connection with someone for the first time in a long time. The next thing I remember is being jolted awake at the feeling of the bed moving and waking up to see the outline of a curvy nude body and those gorgeous green eyes crawling towards me in the darkness on hands and knees. I could see the outline of a smile creep across her face and her arm lightly grazed mine. My brain started a fight between the alarm of "What are you doing!?!" and "Wow..." Id had group experiences with my wife before but never gone behind her back like this. The reservations began building in my stomach, but those eyes drank away all of my hesitations. Id been staring at them all night, mesmerized, and when her arm grazed mine the warmth of her skin was enough to send me over the edge of hesitation. I reached my hand up and cupped the side of her face, bringing her closer to me. She inched forward until I felt the tip of her erect nipple on my chest. Her breathing quickened as I smiled back. She whispered "I wanted to brush my teeth before I did this" in that sultry accent and leaned in for a soft but passionate kiss. I returned it as my hands began exploring her body. My right hand came off her face and immediately went to her round full ass. It was so soft, round and full. Id been staring at it all night and determined the jeans shed worn had done her ass plenty of justice. She moaned lightly into my mouth as I gripped her cheek and pulled her body down on top of me. I knew she could feel me starting to swell against her thigh and she broke our kiss, lifting her head up to grin. "Quest-ce que cest?" She cooed, reaching her down my stomach and under the lining for my boxers. She ground her thigh gently against me as her small hands wrapped around the head of my rapidly rising penis. I grunted quietly and began softly kissing her neck and upper chest, nuzzling my way towards her breasts still keeping a firm grip of her ass as her petite fingers worked their way as around my tip and down the length of my shaft as best the could. She leaned back indicating she wanted up so I let her get to her knees. The moonlight coming through the window illuminated her frame as she worked to try to get my boxers off and I could finally clearly see her chest. I was pleasantly surprised to see that even only being 53" she was blessed with very full Cs that were extremely perky.. I heard a gasp as she finally released me from my boxers and apparently discovered that I was equipped above her expectations. She leaned down presumably to inspect closer but the next thing I knew I felt a warm, wet, enveloping sensation as she pressed her tongue flat and firm against the bottom of my cock and slowly dragged it up the entire length. She was on her knees now just to my side closely inspecing the tip of my dick with her tongue when she again dragged her tongue up my length. I groaned loudly and then inhaled sharply as a primal lust began building in me. Reaching out my hand I slapped her ass hard, triggering a moan from her. She remarked about my size, mumbling about how Im the biggest shes tried to blow as she continued taking a mouthful of my now rock solid dick. I groaned in reply and slapped her ass again as she started to circle the outline of my tip with her tongue. I told her to stop teasing me and take it already, which she enthusiastically did. My fingertips traced her lower back as she lowered her mouth in small increments before pulling back and repeating. I made my way to the outline of her pussy to find she was soaking wet and easily slipped a finger inside of her. My lust grew with every sloppy slurp of her swallowing me and every moan of pleasure from feeling my fingertips teasing her swollen pussy lips before disappearing inside her. Finally I couldnt sit idly by anymore. I picked her head up off me and pushed her head down to the mattress. Her as looked amazing sticking up into the air as I got to my knees, kneeled beside her and buried my fingers into her pussy to the knuckle. She gripped the sheets as I watched her face contort and her mouth go agape. I began thrusting my fingers into her, giving myself a break from stimulation as I teased her gspot with my fingertips and smasked her ass with my free hand. In case you loved this article as well as you would like to get details regarding mature smoking video i implore you to check out the website. She moaned repeatedly rocked her hips back to meet my fingers and with her rhythm building I could tell she was close. Listening to her groans made me feel so powerful and animalstic. I asked her repeatedly "You like that? Huh?" uncaring about her milfs friends response though it was always yes. I told her how sexy she looked as I held the back of her neck and finger fucked her wet pussy. I took my left hand and reached under her, first squeezing her nipple before letting my hand slide down her stomach to her clit. I barely applied any stimulation before she gripped my calf with her arm and let out a loud "Yessssss!!" as I moved my hand in a circle across her clit while continuing to thrust into her with my fingers. I got a small cut actually from where her fingernails dug into my leg as her orgasm hit a crescendo and she bucked backwards onto my fingers one last time before collapsing. We smiled and laughed as she recovered. During the down time I lost my erection which she promptly massaged back to life. The lust to take her quickly returned and I rolled her onto her back, taking her legs in my hand as she guided my girth between her legs and inside her. Her pussy felt so warm and wet, it squeezed every inch as I made my way inside. She moaned with every small thrust until my whole length was soaking wet. I put her legs over my shoulders and grabbed her hips as I began long stroking in and out. The combination of hearing her moans of pure pleasure and the movement of her hips as she rocked back onto me as I filled her up, her pussy clenching and squeezing every inch of my to try and milk my seed into her was unlike anything Ive ever felt. I grunted loudly as we picked up the pace and found a rhythm together. I was entranced by the sight of her full, pert breasts bouncing and swaying with every thrust and zoned out slightly.. unable process the overwhelming amount of positive stimulation and forgot everything except my primal need to fuck this beautiful creature beneath me and fill her with my seed. I barely even noticed her second orgasm until she started tapping my shoulder, signaling me to slow down. I hadnt cum yet but we were both tired and out of breath so she told me to fuck her again and not stop until I cum. I leaned in the kiss her and slowly started gyrating my hips inside her as I did. She groaned lightly, grabbed my ass and pulled me even deeper into her as we built a new rhythm. Eventually it became too much and I felt that familiar feeling building within me. I began to speed up and let my strokes build longer. I told her I was going to cum soon and her response was an airy "Très bien". I felt her begin to contract the walls of her pussy after I said that milking every inch of me to coax my cum out. I asked her where to cum and she replied "anywhere". It took every ounce of discipline in my sexy mature big ass body not to continue pumping and fill her up but I held back, pulling out and releasing my load all over her chest. Her tits were completely covered as she leaned up and stuck out her tongue to clean up what was left on my dick. After we cleaned up she cuddled up next to me, I wrapped my arm around her and we fell asleep. In the morning, once the whiskey wore off, I started to feel then pangs of guilt realizing the gravity of what Id just done but that was temporarily alleviated as Cèleste woke up and we proceeded to have sex again. Her body was just as beautiful in the morning light. We kissed goodbye as she and Nathalie got in the Uber to go back to their hotel, then kissed again after I had to meet her about 2 hours later after she noticed shed left her leather jacket at my place. It was a different kiss, that second one... Ill always remember that too. /u/sexytimethrownow