#whatever i was doing in 2015 looked sick as fuuuuck

[abimee]

there is art of mine that can never be found again because it was entirely and only posted on nabyn and seeing this sent me into the stratosphere

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #20

Author’s notes: I’m sorry this chapter became quite short. It’s kind of a “filling chapter” while we’re waiting for the big arrival <3 Please tell me what you think.

March 20th, 2015

 “JESUS CHRIST ON A MOTHERFUCKING PONY, this isn’t happening.”

Caitlin and Megan burst out laughing at my cursing, but I was too busy with the cramp in my leg to take note of it. I was sitting in the back of Megan’s car, and both of the girls were trying to help me out. Because of my size and the awkward position I had been sitting in - for JUST 10 minutes - my leg had decided to cramp up, and I couldn’t move an inch until the cramp had disappeared.

“LORD, can I just have the baby NOW instead of this fucking cramp, GOD ALMIGHTY.”

Megan began to literally cry with laughter, while Caitlin took hold of my cramped up leg, shaking it slightly to make the pain go away.

“You talk a lot to God for a non-religious person, I’ll give you that-” Caitlin said between heaps of laughter. “And besides, that baby’s going to be here before you know it. Probably while you’re on your date.”

“Yeah, that’ll teach her. Come out, baby T! Come out and play, your mummy is SO ready for you now, especially in the next couple of hours.” Megan cooed at the belly with a mischievous grin on her face. My leg had apparently hit some climax of pain, and I couldn’t reply. The girls seemed to enjoy my helplessness. They weren’t happy about this date - if that’s what it was - and I didn’t blame them. The way I had talked about Richard in the weeks leading up to the baby shower would have had anyone react like they did. And yet, they had agreed to drive me to this … date, meeting, whatever it was. If it wasn’t for this goddamned cramp, my nerves would have been through the roof. Slowly, it became better, and I managed to move my balloon-like body out of the car. Already out of breath, I waved at the girls as they drove away, still laughing.

 ( … )

 It felt like I walked for the better part of a decade, although the park wasn’t very big, and I’d taken this route a million times before. “Baby T”, as Megan liked to call her, was kicking happily at my ribs, every now and then making me stop as I battled my way through the park.

“A grocery bag. A GROCERY BAG, Cas?” I mumbled to myself between heaving breaths.

“Could you, I dunno, have chosen a fucking BACKPACK instead? Jesus fucking CHRIST.” I cursed and sweared at my choice of item for carrying the food that the girls had made for me. I could finally see the bench and I almost cheered at the thought of sitting down. A particular large kick from Teagan made my stomach tense up and I lost my breath completely. Fuuuuck, I whispered under my breath.

“How about I carry that bag?” A deep voice - that deep voice - appeared from behind me, and if I hadn’t been this big, I’d have jumped with surprise. Instead, I turned around as quickly as I could.

“Richard! How didn’t I hear you?” I panted, still out of breath.

“Former soldier, remember. I know a thing or two.” He winked at me and I almost turned to mush. “Plus, you were swearing pretty profusely back there.”

“Oh. You heard.” I bit my lip as I felt my cheeks reddening. He nodded and smiled widely at me, his eyes shining with amusement.

“I think the better part of the town did. Damn hard to not laugh, though.”

I giggled at the thought of myself, the size of a boat and swearing like a sailor on leave while waddling through the park.

“Well, the town needs a little more to talk about, I guess.”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” He said, the radiant smile still on his face.

“Let’s get you seated?” He said and gestured towards the bench. I nodded and waddled towards it.

 We’d been texting for the past couple of weeks. Again and again, he’d apologized in a hundred different ways, until I had simply told him to stop. Yes, he’d done wrong. Yes, I was angry at the controlling demeanor he’d displayed. But I had more urgent things on my mind, and I simply didn’t have the time to keep listening to his apologies. As I’d told him this, he had promptly stopped. Instead, he’d sent me a large bucket of roses and a teddy bear for Teagan, holding a note that said “go on a picnic date with me?” It was so completely cheesy, and coincidentally, it had the exact effect he’d hoped for. I’d confessed my texting with him to the girls, and after a whole lot of yelling and swearing, that had agreed to let me go. Not that they had a choice, I could simply push them out of the way with the belly if they’d tried to stop me. Being this pregnant had its perks. Although I could do without the heavy breathing that came with it, no matter how inactive I was. Just sitting on the bench was, apparently, a form of exercise.

 “So. All set?” Richard asked as he handed me a sandwich that I promptly began eating. Or well, gulping it down was probably more fitting. In the evenings, baby T liked to play football, my ribs and internal organs being the actual ball. Because of this, I had been vomiting for weeks now. Apparently that was also a part of the deal. And like that, I could only eat in the daytime.

“All set how?” I replied while trying to keep the bread crumbs inside of my mouth..

“The baby? Packed a bag and all of that?” I sighed and put down the sandwich, miserable about the fact that he apparently insisted to talk now.

“The girls have packed it for me. I think I only need … hmm … a hair brush and things like that.”

He laughed briefly. “Yes, god forbid that the hair gets messy during labor.”

“I know, right? Gotta look your best. Always. Having a baby? Not without looking perfect, damn it.” I smiled teasingly back at him. “Anyway, it was on the list I found in the baby magazine.”

“Sure. I get it.” He nodded and took a bite of his sandwich before asking another question.

“And … are you- are you doing this alone, or? The girls, are they coming to help you?”

I could tell from his face that it was difficult to ask.

“There’s a spot open, actually. We’re accepting applications at the moment.”

He burst out laughing, nearly choking on the bite of sandwich he’d just taken.

“Is that so?” He teased after the laughter had stilled a bit. “Damn. And I’ve forgotten my pen and all.”

“That is tragic, yes.” I giggled back at him. “Our applicants have to come prepared.”

“I understand. Truly, I do. But … Perhaps, a man can get another chance?” He looked at me with a sudden honesty in his eyes, and I felt butterflies swirling in my stomach.

“We’ll reconsider you. And get back to you ASAP.”

“Wonderful.” He sent a small wink in my direction, and I struggled to keep from going full giggling schoolgirl mode. To avoid his charm, I refocused on the rest of my sandwich.

“God almighty, this is fucking heavenly.”

“Indeed it is.” He finished his sandwich and leaned back on the bench. It felt almost regular, almost like a normal date. Apart from the football-sized belly and the awkwardness that our past created for us.

“Cassie, I’m … I’m so, so sorry.”

“Christ, here we go again. Honestly, I can’t really deal with your emotions at the moment. I wish I was sorry, but … Richard, I’m not sorry. Get over it.”

For a second, I almost called him honey, but remembered that we weren’t there. And perhaps we weren’t even heading there.

“I know, I know, you’re sick and tired of it-”

“Damn right I am.”

“- Can I just say that-”

“Not really, no.”

He bit his lip and swallowed his words. I wanted to be annoyed with him, but the way he looked at me made it all to difficult.

“Maybe we could start over?” He spoke after a brief pause.

“What do you mean?”

“Act like none of it never happened. The whole Michael ordeal … and the way I behaved. Maybe we could do that?”

I pondered the possibilities for a moment. So many times, I wished that Michael had never showed up in my life. So many times, I had damned him to the moon and back.

Maybe Richard has a point?

“Yeah, alright. We can try that.”

His face lit up in that radiant smile that I loved.

“Excellent!” For a moment, he adjusted his grimace, and then got up from the bench. I nearly choked from laughing as he bowed deeply in front of me, making an elderly couple turn their heads as they walked past us.

“Hello, I’m Richard. Pleasure to meet you.”

I snorted with laughter and took the hand that he stretched out in front of me. I could see that he, too, struggled to keep from laughing.

“Likewise. Cassie.”

“Cassie? What a beautiful name. And who’s this right here?” He gestured to the belly while smiling widely at me.

“This … this is Teagan.” I patted the belly and received a kick in return. “Teagan, this here is Richard. Your dad. You’ll get to meet him soon.”

The look on Richard’s face became a mixture of joy, pride, and unconditional love. I felt my heart skipping a beat.