#whatever I could never hate her!!!! or him either controversially I think he’s like. funny too. whateverrrrr !!!

[nazumichi]

monica I will always love you girl…… ugh

[hopeymchope]

The Harry Potter reboot has me really concerned . I mean, if the news about it came out during 2030 or something it would’ve been fine, but the fact it’s happening right now and JKR’s part of it is a massive turnoff for me. I know a lot of HP fans are excited about the reboot, but I have no doubt that the show’s gonna be controversial no matter what, to the point it’s making me worried for the kids who want to be part of it because they like HP.

Note: This is following up on this post/rant about the HP reboot streaming series BS.

In 2030, at least it wouldn't be one year after the previous attempt at extending the franchise crashed and burned. But I feel like that's the only reason why doing this reboot series in 2030 would be any better than doing it right now: Because right now it looks desperate. But in both cases, a massive TERF will get millions more cash to fund her efforts to vilify, dehumanize, and terrorize transgender and transsexual people worldwide. Just because David fucking Zaslav thought this would be a great way to squeeze more blood from the stone.

Y'know, if they did this without JKR's direct involvement and promised to try and "expand upon" the novels outside of her text? That would feel better to me, because A) she'd probably just get her usual tiny royalty instead of this larger salary, at least, AND B) it'd open up the possibilities of them trying to correct the material for her shitty views, like how Hogwart's Legacy at least did its best to provide positive trans representation within the Wizarding World universe.

Unfortunately.... with JKR directly involved and - more importantly - with how she's recently rewriting her own history to claim that trans people are equivalent to the Death Eaters? YEEEEEAAAH, this reboot has a STRONG potential to get REAL fucking Anti-Trans in a VERY fucking dangerous way. Don't be surprised if the Death Eater army shows up and seems coded VERY HEAVILY to be trans without explicitly saying so, is what I'm fucking saying.

BTW Anon, I'm not sure I understand your very last sentence? Or at least, I'm not sure of who you're talking about specifically. As in: Do you mean you're worried about the kids who will try to be actors/characters in the show? Or you're worried about kids who will get involved in watching it and the fandom because of it, etc?

Because... well, I agree either way actually. BUT I'm honestly more worried about the latter group. The ones who might be introduced to this world/fandom by this MAX series have real potential to be radicalized into hateful TERFs by it, especially if they're watching at young/impressionable ages like six years old or thereabouts. Dear god, at least the actors will probably be circa 10 or 11 at the start and will therefore be more capable of critical thinking than the youngest viewers will be, plus they could potentially just be there for the paycheck/exposure or whatever.

This is a VERY worrisome production, for sure. And once again, it's funny how little Rowling understands her own work.

Mmm, yes, and what if that boy was vilified and hated by family for who he was inside? What if they abused him and treated him as sub-human just for who he was internally - how he was born?

What if the family around him even tried to hide the very existence of that type of person, never once letting him know such a thing was even POSSIBLE, because they hated those people so very much, and they were so deeply afraid of him becoming one of 'them'?

What if — even after discovering his true nature and finally thriving among like-minded people — that boy was still forced to 'present' as what his family members considered to be 'normal' whenever he was around them. And as a result, every time he was forced to return to them, he became depressed and felt alone all over again, always pining to return to the place where he could REALLY be himself?

It's especially bizarre to me that someone who once spent years speaking out against the hatred and ostracization and fear thrown at our gay population can then turn around and do EXACTLY ALL OF THAT to another queer demographic.

Like: How the fuck does she not see that she's the very thing she previously hated and railed against? How the fuck.... ???

[feralgodmothers]

Hmmmm. I like Marty. I don’t like how the writing in season seven changed him. Although. I do kinda understand why he pretended to not know Rory. It’s the whole mars/venue double standard thing I hate. So really I’m just miffed that the writing fell back on a tired trope.

Mitchum had a point. And it didn’t really matter if he sugarcoated it or not. Either way. Rory was gonna spiral. Remember the incredible sinking Lorelai’s? She doesn’t like failing. However minor. So yeah. Mitchum had a point. And Rory was gonna go nuts however he said it

I agree about Marty. I liked him, and then s7 made him really weird for no reason. I kinda shipped him with Rory (because he came along when I was still watching the show with hopes that Rory would do what I wanted her to do, rather than just seeing how things played out). I remember thinking that the way they met was really cute, and would be a funny story for their hypothetical future children once they got old enough. Like “You know how we always said ‘we met at college’? Well, here’s what really happened…” 😂 But idk. I liked how chill and straightforward he was, but I guess that’s not Rory’s thing. I think he’s pretty underrated in the fandom. (Like how are there more people who ship Rory with Tristan than with Marty??? If you’re gonna ship her with somebody she’s not into, then the least you could do is ship her with the guy who didn’t bully her, lol)

I kind of agree about Mitchum too. I’ve seen arguments from every side, and I see where they’re all coming from - but my gut says that he was right, and maybe what drew him to that conclusion was wrong. Like - no, I don’t think he needed to sugarcoat it. He wasn’t even that harsh - it was just blunt and seemingly out of nowhere. I don’t know much about the journaling business, so I don’t know how likely it is that someone like Mitchum could discern the “it factor” in interns. Maybe there’s something to it, idk. Maybe it’s true that some interns do put themselves out there and shove their way into places they “don’t belong”, and that that’s a good indicator for success in the field. But I would think that - just like with most fields - there would be naturals, and there would be those who could train themselves to be whatever they needed to be to do the work. So yeah - maybe Rory wasn’t the naturally ruthless go-getter she needed to be for this career, but she had the potential to learn imo (if we ignore AYITL lol). Giving her a head’s up of what was expected might have been nice, but Mitchum’s not a nice guy. And that’s the thing - some people aren’t nice. She had to deal with Paris in school, who (at least in the beginning) actively tried to tear her down, and Rory persevered exceptionally through that. I can only figure that this was the first time Rory had to face someone in authority doubting her abilities, and I can sympathize with her to an extent on that, but… GIRL. Having a full-on crisis over it was insane, and watching her essentially prove him right for a period of time was disappointing. I was very happy to see her return with renewed zeal after she put herself back on track though. That’s what gave me hope that she could eventually become who she needed to be for this line of work. But honestly - the thing that had me doubting Rory’s journaling skills the most, and was never really addressed - was the fact that she would cave every time she was confronted about an article she wrote. Again - I know virtually nothing about being a journalist, so I can’t say whether the pieces Rory did on the ballerina or on trust fund kids were “good” from a journalism perspective, but if I remember right - the kind of journalism Rory wanted to do would have been very controversial, and would have had lots of people become angry with her (including powerful people in authority). So if anything, Rory really needed to develop a crazy-strong backbone, a clear head for what was right to report, and a readiness to stand by the things she wrote. And for me - that’s what she didn’t have, and I’m not so sure she learned it either. I would have liked to see her succeed, but it just… didn’t happen.

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON 2018) ANALYSIS PART 2

Go read part 1 of jib9 analysis if you haven’t read it already.

Continuing from where we left off...

Misha says no, he doesn’t think that Cas feels like part of the family and Jensen smirks and looks down while Jared smiles

Jensen helps Misha along with his answer 

Jensen defends Sam and Dean after Misha says they don’t show emotion saying things like “I love you so much”

Jens: “There are a few scenes where you know,”

Jared: “Didn’t you see the one with the whole if we die we will do that together too?”

Jens: “Yeah that was emotional”

This is getting serious people. Remember this is season 13 they are talking about.

Jens keeps going on “you know there was embracing, and then there was a lot-I mean…” This whole time Jensen is looking at Misha

Misha is like “All I’m saying…”

And Jensen cuts Misha  off and says, “Did you miss that?”

Look at Jared’s face here though. He’s like are you guys having a lovers’ quarrel? Am I missing something?

Misha tries to talk again but Jensen is adamant, unrelenting to give up on that there was an emotional scene between Dean and Cas. 13x05???  “Were you not there?”

Misha being who he is and not backing down either he says, “NO” rather defiantly. 

Jared’s face here though. He stopped talking and is watching these two lovers go at it. (No, not the sexy kind)

Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled about what Misha said. Jared laughs Jensen is basically done at this point. Look at his face.

Misha continues “That was Castiel”

And Jensen just looks appalled, he raises his eyebrows looks down at his hands [0.43 insert Jensen’s face atm] and since Misha is looking at him and he sees that Jensen is unhappy he adds “I’m very method.”

Jensen goes to say something but stops himself, Jared senses the tension, Misha is still looking at Jensen and Jensen hasn’t looked at Misha since he asked him “were you not there?”

IDK what is going on here but it fees like more than just about Dean and Cas and more like it’s about Jensen and Misha. I mean Jared and Misha are having fun with it and Jensen just seems adamant to prove they care A LOT about Cas which is weird considering the fact that the moment Misha was asked that question Jensen agreed with Jared that they are not as pleased that Cas was back (this was a joke) . So what has changed since then? Only a few seconds have passed.

Jensen presses on, “I mean was Cas there? I know he was there physically but was he there emotionally? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

The way Misha is holding his microphone he looks scared. Jensen can’t take his eyes off Misha.

Misha says, “see this is what I’m talking about” I think he realizes Jensen is getting too emotional and personal on stage and he decides to guide the conversation to the funny side.

Jensen laughs .

Misha says “ I don’t think he [Cas] lets himself feel worthy or wanted” and Jensen keeps looking at a fixed spot on the floor and I don’t know what’s so interesting there. Jared says “smart” in reference to Misha’s statement and Jensen nods.

Jared tries to make fun but Misha is not having it, he [Misha]  looks at an imaginary watch and says  “That said-uh…that said I think this season he’s felt more part of the team and the family…probably *looks at Jensen* more than ever before” Now I talked about that moment here but I have to reiterate, something is off here tbh. I don’t know what was going on with Jensen but something was definitely off.

I have been thinking about what the causation of Jensen’ s behaviour could be and I have come to a very weird and maybe kind of controversial conclusion, IDK. But  here’s what I think. Maybe Misha finally told Jensen that he didn’t feel like he was part of the family because of the way they treated him and talked shit about him at J2 panels? Like how he pretended to gag when he saw Misha on screen during the jib9 j2 panel the previous day. Or the extreme pranks Jared played on him and Jensen just stood aside? The way some  j2 fans send hate to him and that it gets to him. Maybe he finally opened up. Because if that is the case then,  Jensen blamed himself for making Misha feel like that when he didn’t have any intention to? I hope I’m making sense. Or maybe it could be something else entirely but I feel like since 2017 Jensen had stopped going along with Jared’s attempts to make fun of Misha at their panes. So maybe this was him feeling bad that he ever played a part in that??? Okay my head hurts I have to move on. 

Since that moment Jensen doesn’t look okay, even when Mishalecki are bantering with the next fan, Jensen just seems sad? Sad is not the right word but he seems kind of upset 

So the fan makes a small mistake in what she’s asking and Misha laughs  then Jensen turns to look at him for a brief second, it’s literally for a second and Misha looks at him with his big blue eyes but Jensen looks away rather quickly. I think they can both feel the weight of the previous answer Misha gave simmering beneath the surface but they can’t talk about it atm. 

Now Jared says something rather weird to me, “A man who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly hand.”   (I know it’s a saying or whatever but it’s just a strange thing to say or maybe it’s just me) Jensen is nodding along to that but Misha doesn’t look amused. I think it’s an interesting thing to say when two of your best friends who play with each other’s butts are seated on stage with you. I’m not sorry I said that because it had to be said.

For a literal microsecond, Misha looks at Jensen but Jensen is looking at a fixed spot on the floor as has become norm in the last 2 minutes. Mish suppresses a smile because he knows Jensen still feels bad about earlier.

Jared says that’s why he thinks the brother’s and Cas have to die in order for the show to end and Jensen’s face is just stoic. Dude wtf?? 

Jensen joins in the banter and makes a joke about a man who stands on a toilet while high on pot he’s not crazy he’s just high? J2 make another joke about a man going backwards to Bangkok or something. Misha manages to laugh at those jokes.

Jared asks Misha  if he has anything to add and Jensen looks at Misha smiling look at the way he’s looking at Misha. It’s like he wants to stuff him in his pocket and take him home with him.

Jensen is laughing so hard now because Misha says that the only sayings that come to mind are the only ones he doesn’t want to say.

They try to pronounce the German word and it’s hilarious AF.

So Jared makes a joke of a sound that the fan is helping them pronounce and Jensen is just done. Completely done because he looks away and scratches his beard like he wants to be anywhere but there. JFC What is going on? He was happy again.

OMG husbands whispering at each other while Jared is engaged with a fan. Gossipy Jensen. Also I’m glad whatever tension was there after the Cas question is finally gone and they are back on track again.

They are in there own little world because IDK what Misha whispered to Jensen but Jensen is unicorn laughing. Aww J

 “We just said some really bad shit” I like it when Jensen curses. Now I want to know what they said because when Misha whispers it to Jared, he laughs really hard as well. Oh to be a tiny ant crawling around, listening to their whispered secrets. A girl can dream am I right?

7.33 Jared asks the fan what her “that German/Austrian word” was that morning and I am inclined to think whatever the husbands were whispering to each other had something to do with a sex-related orifice because of the way Jensen reacts.

The fan puts Jared in his place. Look at Jensen’s reaction.

He’s like you go girl.

Jensen wants to whisper something to Misha so bad but he stops himself.

Okay so Jensen says he did bicycle touring and he did take part in some of the quests. Is he talking about GISHWES because he never can pronounce that word. LOL.

So Jared interrupts Jensen starts telling his story and Jensen just shuts down just look at his face the entire time Jared is telling it.

Misha and Jared are talking about how it’s so hot on stage and Jensen is just miming to the fans how it’s not hot. I love when he does that. Naughty boy.

Misha moans and he and Jared just rush off to point the fan in their direction while Jensen just stands over the fan on his side of the stage and cools his balls off.

OMG!!!! Misha is doing the mating dance while making fiery eye contact with Jensen and sips from the bottle. Jensen heeds his husband’s call to mate and walks briskly in long manly steps to wards him and he takes the drink off his hand while looking at him like he wants to eat him [it’s called a mating dance for a reason] and inhales the drink whatever it is and it must be really strong because he looks away and says something to Jared. Misha walks away says something to Jared and goes to sit down.  Jensen starts twerking his booty. Misha your man wants to mate on stage do something. Anyway Jensen pours the drink that Misha had sipped directly from the bottle in a shot glass  and does the rck on sign and sips it. The entire time Mishalecki are just looking at Nesnej and laughing not understanding what is going on.

Jared sniffs the drink and says “poker face” and Jensen says “thanks Lady Gaga” IDK if this was a snide comment or just banter but now we know Jensen listens to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (re: jib8).

This part is really funny when the fan thanks Misha for sending a recovery message to her friend but Misha says that  he had no choice but to do it because the fan just held out the phone to Misha and Misha was like “oooh, heeey”

I think Jared asks Misha what happened and Misha explains because Jared folds over laughing.

Jared starts talking before Jensen can answer the question and again Jensen doesn’t look too amused. This guy keeps stealing his thunder.

Jensen manages a smile when he hears that Misha did a German accent 

Misha asks Jensen if he wants some tips on accents and Jensen smiles and says no. Ouch. Sorry Mish, your man doesn’t want your help. He’d rather wing it.

Misha is not backing down and compliments Jensen by listing all the accents that Jensen can do. We love a supportive husband. Hype your man Mish.

Jensen says that he speaks French and he has a little have a  tête-à-tête in français. I find it funny how Misha pretends not to know Jensen speaks French yet he just listed all the accents Jensen can do. Sure Jan.  And after the French interaction which Misha adds a flair of a French accent when he talk as and , Jensen tries really hard  not to smile. Someone’s excited. #accent kink ;)

Jensen says he doesn’t think Michael is going to need an accent and Misha says yes he will in French accent and Jensen is just trying really really hard not to smile.

Look at Jared’s face though he’s like dude are you seriously turned on by Misha’s weird accent right now? It’s not even funny and Jensen can’t stop smiling.

Jensen is done with Misha’s shenanigans so he just cuts him off and Misha is exasperated and Jensen proceeds to ask his question.

Fan says she would improve on Misha’s German accent and Misha gasps scandalized and  even Jensen is not happy about that but he takes this moment to make fun of Misha so the comment doesn’t seem as harsh 

Look at Misha’s face

and here is Jensen’s face  he can’t believe someone was mean to his baby.

Anyway, in an attempt to make it less painful for his man he tries to make and joke and says, “I didn’t send that out with the insult in mind but I’m really glad that happened.” 

The joke makes it worse and Misha  doesn’t seem to feel better. Poor Misha.

It’s over.

Time for the closing ceremony

Jensen and Briana singing.

 Misha and Adam

I love their friendship, makes me think of the possibilities that could’ve been between Cas and Mick on the show.

OMG Jensen you naught boy, yeah I see you have experience humping and spanking. Go on Rockstar we love to see it.

Even Jason Mann’s sees Jensen humping the air and Misha and Jensen turn to look at Jason. Jensen is  smirking at him after what he just did. OMG.

The way Jensen is looking at Rob when Rob tries to sing the remaining verses of carry on my wayward son. Jensen you need apple juice. Jensen is me. He is insane and he is me and I love him. JENSENKIN!!!!

Why are Jensen and Misha gravitating towards each other unconsciously? Do their hearts have magnets that pull towards each other?

Speaking of them why does Jensen seem extremely tall here and Misha looks so tiny.

Am I the only one who doesn’t like the guy who played Ketch? OMG he just rubs me off the wrong way.

 OMG is Jared trying to touch Jensen’s hand? Eww He touched Jensen’s arm and Jensen didn’t even look at him. This is embarrassing. Jensen hasn’t looked at him once/ HELP.

Misha and Jensen are standing the same way at the exact same time and they aren’t even looking at each other. OMG!! This is insanity.

Jensen turns to smile at Misha. Aww J

Jensen looks at Misha with a smile on his face when Daniela says they’ll be back the next year the year that gave us straddle gate and boners.

It’s over guys. 

So I have come to the conclusion that something was going on between Jensen and Jared at jib 9.

See you on the next one.

Part 1

[layzeal]

mdzs for the fandom ask!

hehehehehohohoho ty friend!!! LET'S GO

Send me a fandom and I’ll tell you my:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

there's no question, if you've followed for even a little bit you know i'm a WWX lover, that man and his crazy scientist hubris and his big, beautiful, annoying heart lives rent free in my brain. his husband LWJ comes close second, but WWX is just unmatched

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

SIZHUI!! i mean come ON, both baby and teenager forms are the sweetest thing, but i especially love how he's not a 100% pute sweet little guy. he WILL start throwing punches in in a cave and he WILL say that the annoying guy they've been helping save from a walking corpse deserved more than a punch to the face from being so awful to his old friend

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

A-Qing!!! THE bravest character in modao, especially considering her backstory and circumstances. She's funny and cute and feral and one of the best people in the story but in a way that still feels like a real person. my god i need to re-read Yi City, but A-Qing really deserves soooo much more love than she gets

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

MO!!!! XUANYU!!!! MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT MO XUANYU I'M OBSESSED WITH HIM!!!!! i love how he haunts the narative from beginning to end and we never even meet him, i love how his anger burned so sooo bright that it unintentionally turned a tragedy into a queer love story. i LOVE that the flesh and bones of a supposedly queer man was the vehicle for it, considering how our own happy endings now are the result of the blood and tragedy of so many gay people that came before us. i LOVE the bits and pieces we learn about him and how almost none of it is certain or confirmed. seriously, i could talk about MXY until i pass out

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

in a story with many, MANY problematic characters, there is only One that truly fits the poor little meow meow label, and that is jin guangyao. everytime he cries about having had no choice in doing what he did, everytime he pleads with those big doe eyes... both him and NHS learned to weaponize the meowmeowfication, but while NHS still comes off as more pathetic, JGY found the perfect balance that just makes it impossible to look away. i adore him

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

ahhh jiang cheng, a character that i adore dearly but in that specific way in which i love watching him have his pathetic male hysteria moments. you know that part in guanyin temple when he walked in through rain all badass, but then during the fight he (unnecessarily) tries to save wangxian by jumping in front of jgy's sword and ends up sitting down on the floor looking like an angry, sad, wet dog? that scene summarizes perfectly what i love about his character. i wanna put him in a pretty glass jar and shake it, i wanna poke him with a stick and see how much trauma oozes out, i wanna lie him on a pan and flatten him like a pancake. he was immaculately written but i cannot relate to any of my mutuals cause they either love or hate him unironically, so i'm sitting by myself in my little corner tormenting him like a bored cat playing with a bug

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

if jin guangshan had dropped dead before the war.... it wouldn't have fixed Everything BUT IT WOULD HAVE FIXED SO MUUUCH. he's just an evil creep with no depth to him, nothing really to discuss, he just sucks, to superhell you goooooo

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Echoes of the Past" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

What probably gets debated the most in the fandom is the legitimacy behind King being the King of Demons. Some believe that there's truth to his statement, while others, like me, like to think that he was just some stray Eda picked up off the streets. Either option seemed likely, especially since Season One never gave an answer that leaned one way or the other.

Then here comes the writers finally answering the question of who King is in episode THREE of Season Two! Because, again, they don't waste time on giving fans exactly what they want.

Fans wanted answers behind King, we got 'em, and analyzing what those answers mean requires going deep into spoilers. So if you haven't checked the episode out yet, I highly recommend that you do. Trust me, it's worth seeing.

Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz Experimenting with Spells: Hey, look! More proof that Luz isn't an idiot like some people flanderize her to be!

But, seriously though, this is a perfect little thread to introduce into the story. Luz collecting knowledge from Lilith's old books and past work she and Eda made adds to Luz's intelligence while also providing a believable explanation for how she gets new spells. It's also nice to see that she has this little notebook (or spellbook) to help see what works and what doesn't. It's a level of experimentation that proves her dedication to becoming a witch while also exemplifying how she isn't stupid. Occasionally reckless, sure, but you can't say that the person who figured out an invisibility spell through showing her work is also an idiot.

Francios with a Knife: How did Francois get a knife? I don't know. But the fact that a random knife plopped out behind him with little to no explanation is funny, and I will not hear otherwise.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

Luz’s Invisibility Spell: I breezed past this, but I honestly love this invisibility spell. More specifically, I love that there's a limiter. It can turn you, objects, and people you're in contact with invisible, but only as long as you can hold your breath. It helps make the spell something the characters can't always rely on, which is appreciated. Because if it works as long as they concentrate, what's stopping them from sneaking into Belos' castle and assassinating him in his sleep? It's a smart way of explaining why they can't always rely on something, despite how insanely useful it is.

Luz: Let's gush about Luz some more, shall we!

"Echoes of the Past" is another episode that has Luz on top form. She is constantly supportive of King, even if Lilith has a point in the dangers of indulging his fantasy as a powerful tyrant. Doing so would cause more harm than good, especially when King finds out Luz doesn't believe him, but her going along with it was all done with the best of intentions. Luz doesn't want to hurt her friend, and even if she did in the long run, she still makes up for it by helping King learn more about his past.

And, as another reminder, Luz isn't stupid. She's the first to say they should leave when it's clear how dangerous the castle is and is quick to figure out there should be more at the top. Luz is a loyal and caring friend who's also guarded and intuitive when the situation calls for it. This episode understood that, so here's hoping other fans will too.

Lilith: Yeah, she's still growing on me.

I feel like this episode shows a better idea of Lilith's place in the group more than the past two. She's a person who's obsessed with knowledge and learning but considers herself above the jovial nature of King, Luz, and definitely Eda. Therefore, she acts as the perfect catalyst for what jumpstarts this week's adventure. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she almost instantly dismisses King's claims due to considering herself more knowledgeable than everyone else. Still, I like how she's willing to believe King once she finally sees evidence that seemingly proves he really was the King of Demons, to the point of referring to him as "her lord." Hooty does the same thing, but it comes across as him fearing for his own life and choosing to be friends with someone who could maybe kill him in an instant. For Lilith, her newfound respect comes from the desire to learn more, and it's that desire that makes Lilith an enjoyable character to me. It's adorable to see, and it has some comedic flavor in moments like when she dismisses everyone else and their emotional revelations to take pictures of the carvings around her. I'm sure she'll cause some controversy like other characters with rushed reformations, but for me, I'm more than ok with her addition to the main cast.

More of Lilith’s and Hooty’s Friendship: HOW DOES THIS WORK!?

ON PAPER, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA, BUT IT F**KING WORKS!

HOW?!

WHAT BLACK MAGIC DID THESE WRITERS USE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP SO UNEXPECTED COME ACROSS AS SO ENDEARING AND ADORABLE?!

And where can I get some for my stories...just asking.

But seriously: HOW?!

Hooty Making Himself Portable: Ah, yes. The classic bit where a character does something horrifically grotesque off-screen, and we have nothing but character reactions and sound effects to imagine what happened between shot A and shot B. It's an oldie, but given how hard I was laughing (mostly because of Luz's gagging), it's still a goodie.

Eda’s Portable Bathtub Boat Thing: I mean...I was expecting Eda would use something to catch up with the others, but...that thing...well...I mean, I'm still laughing just by thinking about it. That should tell you how well executed this joke was.

John Luke: ...I'm gonna go ahead and add him to the list because HOLY S**T was this guy disturbing! From his design to his movements to even the sounds he makes when moving, everything about John Luke screams as something that will stay in kids' nightmares for a while. Now, this might seem like a complaint, but to be honest, I'm more than alright with how creepy John Luke is. I highly doubt adult viewers will consider John Luke scary, but I guarantee he'll terrify some of the youngins that this series is aimed for. And that's fine. It's good to creep kids out a little bit with something somewhat scary, as it might introduce them to more good horror stories later in life.

Plus, the reveal that John Luke was only a guard for King is pretty solid narratively speaking. You can see how John never really meant to hurt King aside from one accident when Eda escaped with him. If you want to read into it, I guess it might be questionable to tell kids that something that looks dangerous is secretly nice, but that's really nitpicky, in my opinion. John Luke was a fantastic threat that is designed and animated well, with a solidly executed twist. Some might hate what he presents, most will fear him, but we can all agree on one thing: His theme is awesome (can I get the track for that, please)!

King’s Backstory: Finally, at long last, we know who King is, thus putting an end to a year-long debate. And I fully mean it when I say that the writers gave the best possible answer. Because in a way, everyone was right. Yes, King was just an animal that Eda decided to adopt, like the nature-loving hippie she is inside (She's got the hair for it). However, while he may not be the King of Demons himself, he is still the son of someone who deserves that title. So while he isn't the King, there's a chance he might be the Prince. Once again, there's no direct answer, but given how the writers came up with something that pleases everyone while still providing more questions for debate, it acts as a brilliant move, in my opinion. So whatever answer we get next, I'm sure it will be just as perfect.

Baby King:

My heart was not prepared for that level of cuteness!

King’s Breakdown: NOR WAS IT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SADNESS!

But in all seriousness, a HUGE round of applause to Alex Hirsch for his performance in this episode. He expertly captured the raw emotions of shock, anger, betrayal, and sadness that King must have felt when finding out that everything he believed he was is a lie. It's one of those moments where I don't hear a person voicing lines in a booth (or wherever the hell VAs are voicing characters nowadays), but instead hear a living person being emotionally torn apart. It was heartbreaking seeing King so vulnerable as he's so guarded with his emotions. Seeing him like this adds so much more layers to a character that many would mistake him as a cute, comedic animal sidekick. But just like with Luz, there's more to him than people will tell you.

“I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore!”: I'm just pointing out this line because I believe it's what convinces Luz to help King learn more about who he is. Hell, not knowing what's real or fake is the main reason why Luz got sent away in the first place, so I feel like she can relate to King when he's in a similar predicament.

Hooty and Lilith vs John Luke: This was just a cool scene with some epic moments of dodging John Luke's attacks and some funny ones, like how Hooty said the word "pain." It's a ten out of ten that I would rewind to watch again.

King’s Other Horn: I'd question the logistics of how a horn that got broken off when he was a baby still manages to fit perfectly in the present...but it is neat symbolism of King accepting his past and letting it be a part of him, so who cares?

(The fact that the colors of the broken-off piece don't match the rest of the horn is nice attention to detail as well.)

WHAT I DISLIKED

It's a Little Too Predictable: I pretty much figured almost every little twist the episode offers. But, I'm willing to say that's because I'm in my twenties, and I've seen enough stories similar to this one, so I'm more likely to know what will happen. The little monsters watching this will see it for the first time, so they'll most likely get more surprised than me...And that was my only complaint about the episode...which is more of a personal problem than an actual issue...I guess that means it's perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Echoes of the Past" is an easy A+ in my book. It gives lore and backstory that furtherly develops the characters that episodes like this should. It also tells a tragic story about King that still sprinkles in a few good jokes every now and again to lighten up the mood. Sure, there are some nitpicks I could mention (how did King remember his own birth?). But when the good stuff is done so well, what's the point of dwelling on small, insignificant issues? This is still a phenomenal episode that flew past all expectations I had for it, and it continues the winning steak this season is having so far.

(But that's still three home runs in a row. Meaning that a stinker is coming. Ooiee, is it coming!)

[agentnico]

The Suicide Squad (2021) Review

This may be the better of the two, but the first Suicide Squad film will always hold the crown for managing to win an Oscar... somehow.

Plot: The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world -- Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others -- to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.

“So that’s it, huh? We’re some kind of suicide squad?” says Will Smith in the original first film, with the line in itself being a poor attempt at a fourth wall break, yet, that movie never reached that promise of being a true Suicide Squad film. Because hardly anyone died, and as a whole David Ayer’s film was a generic mess, regardless of studio interference or not. In comes James Gunn from Marvel, who seems to have cracked the code for how to bring this comic book series to live action in proper gratuitous form, with even the ‘The’ in the title symbolizing that this is the one!

I remember going to see the first Guardians of the Galaxy film at the cinema, and back then I was still only just getting acquainted with watching western media, and that included superhero films. Heck my first ever Marvel movie was Thor: The Dark World! I know, what a banger to start with.......NAAAWT!! Anyway, I went to see Guardians and it was one of the first superhero films I came out of feeling like I truly witnessed something special. It had action, comedy and a good heart to it, and wouldn’t you know, my good old pal James Gunn was behind that flick. I don’t know why I called him my good old pal, I don’t even know the fella. Except in my dreams, but we don’t talk about that. So, flashforward to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which I absolutely hated, and for that movie I’m pretty sure Marvel gave Mr Gunn mostly full reigns of creative freedom, as long as he kept it family friendly, and the result was a mess. Hence naturally now I was really sceptical when James Gunn ended up at Warner Bros. following the controversial moment when cancel culture decided to aim it’s slimy fingers at him, as he was given directing and writing duties for this new The Suicide Squad film, and also it was heavily insinuated that Warner Bros. basically told him he could do with the movie whatever the f*** he wanted, excuse my French. And we remember how it panned out last time when James Gunn was given a lot of creative freedom. 

Flashforward to present day; here I am wondering and scratching my head thinking what in the heavens has happened, as by golly I am happy to report that The Suicide Squad is a total winner and a blast with a capital B - Blast! Gosh goodness golly goblin, this movie is so much fun from beginning to end. Right from the opening sequence you know that this film isn’t holding back any punches. It’s going at a 447.19 km/h speed of a Koenigsegg Agera RS crashing through any barriers like it’s nothing. Speaking of the opening sequence, it establishes why the movie is called what it’s called from the get-go. You straight away are proven how not a single character is safe, minus the obvious one that we know who it is, as there ain’t no way Warner Bros. would have allowed James Gunn to kill off that one character. But besides that person, everyone else feels like they could die at any given moment. That’s really a big charm of it, as it is frustrating how in many superhero films, let alone any blockbuster action flicks, so many characters always feel so safe and unstoppable, no matter how many times they get shot or how many buildings crash down upon them. And yes, this movie features a certain CGI character that constantly gets that treatment and survives, although it’s very self aware in that regard and is purposefully humoristic. But overall the entire set of characters feel easily disposable, and so so many of them die in such gruesome fashion, so indeed don’t get attached, as they don’t. 

Speaking of which, this movie is hardcore gory! You see limbs and intestines flying round left and right, a guy gets ripped in half by a humanoid shark, another’s face gets teared off by a shotgun bullet and so on forth in all kinds of gruesome fashion. Visually this is one for the big screen, as here’s the thing: you’re either a mummy’s boy or you grow some cojones and go see a man’s heart get stabbed with a piece of debris glass in 4K high rate definition! Your choice! Oh, and it’s not just the violence, also the cinematography and the practical set pieces all look incredible. This is easily James Gunn’s best looking movie. The entire think LOOKS incredible!

We also have to talk about the cast, as they are all great! There literally isn’t a single weakling among them. Each one, no matter how big or small their role is, brings something to the table. I can’t talk about all of them, as we’d be here all day, so I’m simply going to mention a few of the stand-outs. Idris Elba comes in to replace Will Smith as a character called Bloodsport, who is in some ways a different character but evidently is a replacement of Smith’s. But that’s no bad thing, as with any ensemble movie you still need a main character to latch onto and have an emotional hook towards, and he is that character. In fact, I’d say he’s arguably better than Will Smith in the last movie, or at least he seems to be having more fun here. He works as a solid leading man, however what works even more is his banterous competitive genital-size-measuring back and forth with John Cena’s Peacemaker, who by the way is awesome as that character. He is not a good character, in fact he is as bad as a bad guy can get, especially cause he’s someone who believes that what he is doing is right, making him much more of a dangerous wild card. This is easily John Cena’s best role, with him adding to the comedy one-liners, but also delivering such an interesting character who I’m looking forward to seeing more of in his standalone spin-off show confirmed for next year. Oh, and he wears a toilet helmet on his head which he defines as “a beacon of freedom” which says it all. We also have returning characters from the last film Joel Kinnaman and Viola Davis as Rick Flag and Amanda Waller respectively, and both are given much more room to stretch their talents and spread their beautiful acting wings like the Hollywood angels that they are. Kinnaman’s Rick Flag is the moral compass of the group, as even though Elba is our main guy, he’s nonetheless a villain still, whilst Flag is a genuinely good guy and what is defined as a true American hero, to which Kinnaman fits the part well. And Viola Davis as Amanda Waller is on an absolutely different level. You can tell she’s an Academy Award winner through and through, as she plays such a serious character in an otherwise goofy movie, and so her presence is felt and it is felt BAD! She’s such a despicable yet intimidating personality and she gravitates all of the screen presence to herself. Margot Robbie returns as Harley Quinn, and she gets even more chance to develop this character that she’s played in multiple DCEU films now, and as per usual the Harley Quinn shtick works well for her, though I do kind of wish she didn’t always get all the attention. Look, I think she’s a fun character and Robbie plays her well, however she’s constantly used to overshadow others in these films which I don’t think is too fair, and its evident as ever in this film too. Anyway, the remainder of the cast including Jay Courtney as Captain Boomerang, David Dastmalchian as Polka-Dot Man, Michael Rooker as Savant, Nathan Fillion as TDK, Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 (who gave me strong A Plague Tale: Innocence vibes) and many more all play villains, but villains that don’t have particularly great superpowers. This is where the tragedy of Task Force X as a team plays a part, as many of these villains aren’t even good at being villains. They are useless, and the movie is really self aware of this and so treats all characters as they should be. Dare I also not forget to mention the CGI characters in this film, with both Weasel and King Shark being absolute scene stealers! 

The Suicide Squad is the type of wham-bam-thank-you-mam batshit crazy entertainment which exists for the pure reasons of fun. It doesn’t set out to be the best superhero film ever, nor does it need to be. It’s an exhilarating, shocking, funny and amusing ride from beginning to end, with the energy never stopping, and is easily the best time I’ve had with a comic-book film in a long while, and I’m even talking about before COVID! Do yourself a favour and watch this one as soon as you can, as I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - The Suicide Squad is a BLAST!!

Overall score: 9/10

[gebtoons]

my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably) 

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk. 

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense. 

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow. 

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.  

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on. 

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on. 

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again 

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt’s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen). 

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail 

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on. 

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so. 

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying) 

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense. 

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on. 

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me). 

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go. 

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it. 

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason. 

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me. 

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?) 

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it. 

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

[asteriismos]

irresistable - jacob thrombey

warning(s) : smut, reader & jacob are 18, choking but whats new, the thrombeys being horrible as always

words : 2.6k

request:

Jacob and you having sex together during the party or him actually masturnating to pictures of you wounds like such a good concept

I just need some rough jacob b. and jacob t. smut

Howdy, can I please get a rough Jacob thrombey smut where they hate each other?

you didn’t want to go to the thrombey party that was being thrown for harlan thrombey’s birthday. 

it wasn’t because of harlan, no, you loved the old man and he loved you too. you two always had interesting conversations whenever you two spoke. he loved you as if you were his own granddaughter. 

your family was close with the thrombey’s, family friends. it was normal for your family and their family to throw parties together or be seen with each other on the streets of massachusetts. 

the real reason why you didn’t want to go is because of jacob thrombey. the literal thorn in your side. 

he was rude, incredibly rude to you and to everyone around him. he always sat on his phone and wrote controversial tweets that made almost everyone angry. he hated you, a lot. you didn’t know if it was because you were simply a girl, or because you didn’t take his shit. 

probably both. 

“ah, mr and mrs y/l/n! so nice to see you,” harlan thrombey greeted once he opened the front door of his estate. your parents smiled and shook the old man’s hand, and harlan turned to you and smiled. “and y/n! great to see you too. we missed you at the last party.” you hadn’t gone to the last thrombey family party because you were doing something for school that day. 

“hi harlan,” you said, shaking his hand and walking beside your parents into the enterance hallway. everyone was in the dining room that connected to the family room. there were boisterous laughs and drinks being held as the thrombey’s greeted your family.

you stayed silent though, eyes scanning over the people at the party. there was marta, who stood on the offskirts who smiled and waved at you. you waved back, turning your attention to the stairs where jacob was sitting. he had his chin resting on his non dominant hand as he scrolled idly through his twitter feed, not paying attention to anyone who was at the party. he didn’t even notice that you were there, which was probably actually a good thing. 

but megan, or meg, ruined your cover, yelling your name and coming to hug you. she was a little bit older than you, in her first year of college while you were in your senior year of high school. despite the slight age difference, you got along pretty nicely, you were even thinking about going to her college to room with her next year. “y/n! you’re here! i missed you so much at the last one,” megan said, pulling away from her hug and standing in front of you. 

“meg! you too. and yeah, i had to be at the school for some fundraiser,” you said, shaking your head. 

“you always are doing something, aren’t you? listen, i really need to catch up with you, but my mom wanted me to go check to see when the hors d’oeuvres are coming out,” she said, turning on her heel and walking away. you sighed, finding yourself once again alone. you were just about to find a spot on the couch, when you heard a voice behind you. 

“what are you doing here?”

you turned to be met with jacob, who wasn’t sitting on the stairs anymore but instead was standing rather close to you. you rolled your eyes, pushing past him and bumping your shoulders together. “nice to see you too, jacob.”

he just laughed, making you stop from walking away from him to look at him once again. 

“what’s so funny, thrombey?”

jacob squinted his eyes at you, rolling his eyes. “just how entitled you think you are.”

you scoffed. “me? the entitled one? have you looked in the mirror lately?”

then you walked away, returning back into the room with your parents and the other thrombeys. as far as you knew, jacob went back to going on his phone on the stairs. it’s not like you cared anyways. 

the night went on and you stayed mostly by yourself, occasionally talking to megan when she would come around or if joni would try and talk to you about her new practice or whatever the hell she did. ransom came to the house a little bit later than everyone else, so mostly everyone was talking about him or talking with him. you didn’t know ransom well, so you didn’t talk to him at all and only watched him try to talk up harlan on something.

you were bored, so you stood up and walked into the kitchen, trying to find something to drink that wasn’t the wine that was set out for everyone. no one cared if you drank, but you’d had a little bit too much wine and needed to wash it down with some water. 

while you stood at the water pitcher and poured yourself a glass, someone came and pushed you against the counter. this caused you to lose your grip on the pitcher and get water all over your hands and arms. you just knew that it was jacob that did it, and the laugh that you heard from behind you only validated your claim. 

“you’re an actual dick, you know that?” you said to him, turning around and shoving him in the chest with your wet hands. you pushed past him and made your way to the bathroom, only closing the door halfway and going to the mirror to fix yourself. you grabbed a towel and heard the door close, looking in the mirror you saw that jacob had walked in and closed the door behind him. “what the hell do you want?” you sneered, wiping off your hands and arms. 

he didn’t answer, only standing against the door watching you.

“do you speak?” you asked, setting down the towel, turning around and leaning your back against the vanity. “or are you just coming in here to mess with me more?”

“you talk too much, y/n, i swear to god,” jacob said, walking closer to you. he was so close that you could feel his hot breath on your face. “do you ever shut up?”

you were about to retort something back to him, but he leaned towards you and pressed his lips against yours. it was a harsh kiss despite you not seeing it coming, his hands coming to your sides in a tight grip. your first instinct was to push him away because him kissing you was really weird, something that you never thought would happen. but then you realized how good of a kisser he was, and that there was a searing desire seated in your stomach that seemed to be growing the longer your lips worked against his own. 

jacob’s tongue prodded against your lips, to which you opened your mouth to turn it into a deeper, open mouthed kiss. tongue against tongue, teeth clashing against each other a few times. his hands squeezed at your sides, pushing you closer into the vanity that you could feel the edge bite into your back. 

he pulled away for a moment to order, “jump.” hands moving to the back of your thighs and giving them a good squeeze. you did as he ordered, jumping into his arms and allowing him to place you on top of the sink counter. your legs instantly wrapped around his waist, his hips pushing into yours with a low groan coming from his lips. 

you smirked, liking that reaction from him so this time you pushed your hips against his, arms wrapping around his neck and pulling on the strands of hair on the nape of his neck. his hands came from your sides to the bottom of the blouse that you were wearing, pushing it up. this separated both of you for a moment, making you whine from the loss of contact, but it didn’t take long before he was kissing you again. 

as much as this felt wrong for doing, mostly because you hated jacob and he hated you, you couldn’t help but think about how insanely hot jacob was. and in that tie that he was wearing? you wondered how you never jumped his bones before this moment. 

his hands palmed at your breasts, head dipping down to kiss down your neck all the way to your collarbone. his teeth grazed against that sweet spot on your neck and you moaned out, eliciting a chuckle from his end against your neck. he sucked down at that point and all around it, giving you more than enough hickies that would make you remember this moment for a very long time. 

his other hand came and wrapped loosely against your neck, giving it an experimental squeeze. this made you let out a noise and look up into his eyes, a grin plastered on his face. “you like that don’t you? of course you’re a masochist.” you knew that he was trying to edge you on, but you couldn’t get yourself to say anything because he was squeezing your neck again, his clothed dick grinding against your clothed core. your mind went blank, pulling him by his tie to kiss him again.

a large yell was heard in the bathroom and it wasn’t from either of you, making both of you pull away from each other for a moment. jacob’s hands came to your thighs and held them, motioning over to the air vent that sat above the toilet. you only heard a few words that were my will and im warning you. it sounded like ransom, and by the noise heard afterward like a door slamming, it came from harlan’s study. 

you two took a moment to catch your breath, realizing how hot it was getting in the small bathroom. once there was no more noises from the vent other than the air rushing through it, you two were kissing again. both of you had kiss swollen lips, but it’s not like it changed anything for you two. 

you had managed to undo the tie around his neck and dropped it down to the floor, your fingers undoing the buttons on his white dress shirt. while your fingers worked the buttons, your lips came and kissed along his chesk, giving him a nice hickey here and there, his hands pushing your skirt up and fingertips dancing along your clothed clit. you pulled the rest of his shirt off and was about to work with his belt when he pulled away your panties and slid two fingers inside of you. 

the feeling of him pumping them in and out drove you crazy, turning you into a moaning mess, but quiet enough so that no one else would hear in the party that was still going on. he shushed you, tutting and putting his hand right to your neck again. his fingers were going at a quick pace easily because of all the wetness you had already created. your panties had been soaked for a good five minutes prior to this. 

“so wet for me, god,” jacob muttered, face going back to your neck and pressing kisses along your skin. 

the coil in your stomach was getting tighter and tighter, and was so close to snapping when his thumb came to rub along your clit. jacob’s hand stayed at your neck and applied pressure, enough to make it a little bit hard to breathe but not enough to totally make you unable to. and you were so damn close when his fingers pulled out of you, leaving you high and dry. 

jacob held up his fingers that were slick with your arousal and brought them to your lips, pushing them into your mouth. “clean it up, it’s your mess,” he said in a condescending tone. the hard on you could feel against your inner thigh got harder when he watched you swirl your tongue around his two fingers, groaning out in the taste of yourself. 

he pulled his hand away from your mouth and helped you undo his belt, pulling his pants and boxers down and pulling himself out. he pumped himself a few times and you couldn’t help but stare at him. he was big, probably the biggest you have ever taken and you weren’t entirely sure if he would even fit. jacob caught you staring and said, “like what you see, y/n?”

you rolled your eyes, his tip teasing your slit, rubbing up and down against you. his lips attached to your jawline and he whispered, “beg.” 

“screw you jacob,” you said. “no way.” 

“fine, then i’ll just leave you here all worked up,” jacob said, pulling himself away from you. the cold air of the room hit your core and you groaned, reaching out to grab his shoulders. 

biting your lip for a moment, you said, “please fuck me jacob.” 

“i think you can do better than that.”

your cheeks heated up red in embarrassment, pulling your lips next to his ear. “i need you jacob, fuck me. i need your cock.” 

“good girl,” he said, pushing into you with no remorse. jacob didn’t give you any time to adjust to him, instead starting a consistent pace that had you borderline screaming. the only thing that kept you from crying out was the hand that went from your neck to your mouth to shut you up. 

the way that he was filling you up, pounding into you like he owned you was driving you closer to your high. you were already pretty close because he fucked you with his fingers, and you weren’t going to last long. thankfully, jacob didn’t think that he was going to last very long either, because seeing you moan out his name and talk about how much you needed him worked him up much more than he was willing to admit. 

his lips pressed against yours for a moment before he pulled away and said, “remember who made you feel this way. me, it was me. you’re mine. say it.”

“fuck, jacob, y-you’re mine,” you stuttered out, hands gripping against his bare back. your fingernails went into his skin almost enough to break it, but the pleasure mixed with the pain that created a great feeling. “i’m all yours, only yours.”

he chuckled, hand reaching down to mess with your clit in figure eights. that was enough to have you moaning into the nape of his neck, his hand gripping your neck trying to stop you from being so loud. your hips rolled against his, riding out your high. he thrusted a few more times and then he was hitting his own orgasm. 

you felt his cum go inside you for a moment before he started to pull out some of it spilling out onto the insides of your thighs. his hand came down, fingers catching the cum that had spilled out and pushing it back into you, making you jump up from the sensitivity.

“i want you to keep all of me in there,” jacob stated, pulling his fingers out and using the towel next to you to wipe his fingers off. 

it was silent as you slowly put your shirt back on and attempted to fix your hair, still sore from your hips being spread apart for an insane amount of time while he fucked into you. you watched up dress himself, run a hand through his hair and walk towards the door. 

before he opened it, jacob said, “at least now i know how to get you to shut up.” he winked, then opened the door and walked out back into the party.

you sighed, knowing that he would never let you live this down.

[for-my-life-still-ahead-pity-me]

A Bit of Sunshine (Gardner Langway x Reader) (pt. 5)

Summary: While a new arrival on the end of Gardner’s postal route starts to stir-up his schedule, he becomes a comforting constant in theirs.

Previous          Next (?)

Warnings: Cotton-candy sweet, may get a toothache.

Word Count: 3,398

A/N: Gardner is a sweetheart, and I wrote this to distract myself from the fact that I am starting my final year of college in a few days :)

                                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~

Gardner stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at his reflection intently. It was like he’d never really looked at himself before. Like everything was new and different—the way his hair curled up and away from his forehead after brushing it, the crinkle between his eyebrows, the depth of color in his eyes. It was as if, before this moment, he hadn’t been concerned with how he looked, how everything about himself tied together. When he put on his postal uniform in the morning, it was an easy comfort. He knew that the sky blue of the shirt matched the grey-blue of his shorts, which––he had been told––accentuated the red tone of his hair. When he changed into civilian clothes at the end of the day there was never much worry if it looked good; he only ever hung around Cal and his friends from the post office. None of them cared if he wore a polo shirt or shorts, or if the colors matched.

But, now, Gardner suddenly found himself worrying about those things. Did the yellow of his shirt clash with the khaki color of his pants? Or did it match too closely and look funny? Were sneakers okay? Was his hair brushed enough? Did he always look so frowny when he concentrated? He suddenly wished that there was a full-length mirror somewhere in the house or the boat. Gardner had never felt so concerned about how he presented himself; but he was about to embark on a date with you and he wanted everything to be perfect.

A rapid, quirky knock sounded on the door, which then swung open without Gardner responding. The door nearly hit the contemplative postman, who had to shuffle quickly to avoid being struck. Calvin leaned into the tiny bathroom, hanging off the door frame and clinging to the door knob.

“How’s it goin’?” he drawled in a sing-songy voice. Then his nose crinkled a little upon eyeing Gardner’s shirt. “You’re going with yellow?”

“Yeah,” Gardner responded. He watched his expression morph into something less pinched and little more openly worried––eyes wide, brows both arched and pinched. He turned away from the mirror and faced Cal full-on. “Is it bad?”

Cal shrugged, holding his shoulders up by his ears; his lips puckered and pursed as he considered the yellow shirt, which was interrupted in thin, tasteful white stripes. “I mean... it’s yellow.”

“I like yellow.”

“But does she like yellow? It’s a very controversial color. You either love it, or you hate it.”

In all the conversations that Gardner had with you, he had never thought to ask about a favorite color. That’s what people did, didn’t they? Ask about favorite colors and food and animals? He presumed you liked yellow. You had enough yellow flowers in your garden, and enough yellow clothing and accessories to make him believe that you at least liked the color. But maybe you were indifferent. Maybe you had no opinion on it. Regardless, he associated the color with you; he’d never really thought yellow to be a particularly inviting color until you’d handed him that pansy. It made him happy, now, made him feel warm. Even the most garish shade felt like the warmth of the sun on his skin.

“It reminds me of her,” Gardner admitted, panicked expression softening.

Calvin, still hanging through the doorway, staring at Gardner contemplatively. Then, slowly, he started to nod. The hand that had been gripping the doorknob lifted and pointed.

“That’s good. Chicks like to hear stuff like that. Keep the yellow. You look confident,” Cal praised with a nod. Gardner wondered if he meant that wearing the color was a bold choice, or if he actually looked more confident. Then Calvin made a face, one that scrunched up in friendly concern. “I’d change the pants though.”

“Too similar?” Gardner pinched the hem of his shirt, bringing attention to the color again.

Cal nodded sagely, as though he had the best wealth of information on the subject of getting ready for a date. “Too similar.” Then his brows perked up and he held up a finger. “And!” Calvin darted down the hall––to his room, presumably––and dashed back into view. He held a bottle of cologne in his hand, which he then proffered to his friend. “Chicks go crazy over this stuff.” Gardner frowned down at the bottle and the amber liquid inside. There was a buzz from the kitchen. With a delighted sound, Calvin gave a little jump. “The zucchini loaf!” Calvin bolted towards the kitchen, running on his toes excitedly.

Gardner popped the cap of the cologne off and lifted it to his nose; a sniff revealed its scent. It was over-powering and tickled the back of his throat in an unpleasant manner. With his nose crinkling, Gardner placed the cologne on the sink counter, untouched and unused. Best to go without it. He looked back up into the mirror and pursed his lips. Tentatively, he reached up and ran his fingers through the front of his hair, which gave it a bit of a messier look, and made him look less of a kid on picture day. With an exhale that puffed his cheeks out, Gardner nodded to himself in the mirror.

It was now or never.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wished that you had a picnic basket.

It would have been a lot cuter than the reusable shopping tote that you’d taken out of your closet. But the tote had to do, and it was large enough to carry everything you needed. Instead of going out to a restaurant or a movie, you’d suggested a picnic. Gardner had agreed to the idea after admitting sheepishly that, despite asking you to go out on a date with him, hadn’t thought up where to go. He’d just wanted to go out. The park was an agreeable spot; you both liked the outdoors. The park was nice in the evenings, and it was rarely crowded, which would give you both some semblance of privacy.

The spot you chosen was situated in the ever-growing shade of a large oak tree. The blanket you’d taken from home was an old quilt and, like your tote bag, not the cutest thing in the world. But it was well-loved and comfortable, and that was all that mattered. Gardner was sat crisscrossed to one side of the blanket, hands primly folded in his lap. He watched as you started to take things out of the tote bag, and reached out to take them from you.

“You’ll have to thank Calvin for the zucchini bread,” you said, laughing lightly. You were holding the mentioned loaf, which was wrapped in tinfoil and a checkered dishtowel in hopes of keeping it warm. Gardner smiled, took the carefully wrapped loaf, and set it down gingerly.

“He wants to know if you like it. Fair warning, if you do and I tell him, you’ll be getting them once a week,” Gardner forewarned with a smile.

You laughed and pulled out two cling-wrap covered sandwiches. “I’m a bread lover, I think I could handle it.” Then you held up the sandwiches. “Though, if I knew that this was going to become a bread-heavy meal, I would’ve made something a little more... inspiring than sandwiches.”

Gardner shrugged with a sweet smile. “I don’t mind. I like sandwiches.”

When you’d been getting ready for the date, you’d panicked about what to actually bring for a picnic. You were fairly sure the last one you’d ever been on was when you were twelve, and you probably had been more interested in making daisy chains than eating whatever had been packed. Bringing cheese and crackers seemed a bit inconvenient, and while it seemed romantic, you’d have had to tote around different cheese knives and probably plates. Sandwiches were easy. You could hold them in your hand, they weren’t terribly messy, and they were filling. Sandwiches had been a gamble––not everyone liked them––but they were simple. And, thankfully, you’d made the right choice.

“Good, ‘cause otherwise I’ve just got potato chips in this bag,” you laughed, extracting the mentioned snack. You made a bit of a face and set the tote aside; the look that you flashed the man on the other side of the blanket was apologetic. “It’s not a lot. Sorry.”

Gardner shook his head and picked up one of the sandwiches, smiling just as sweetly as he had been since you picked him up outside Calvin’s house. He had been standing at the foot of the driveway with the towel wrapped loaf of bread in hand, rocking on his feet. When you’d appeared in your car, he had smiled; it was a soft look, a heart-melting look. And he’d been dutifully wearing it ever since he opened the door of your car.

“It’s perfect,” he assured. You beamed and started to unwrap the other sandwich, the cling wrap making a sticky sound as you pulled at it. Then you watched as Gardner surveyed the food laid out on the blanket. His eyebrows furrowed, then, and your smile waned a little. “There’s something missing.”

You, too, looked at what you’d brought––the bag of chips, the zucchini bread, the sandwiches, the two plastic cups and the water bottle beside it filled with lemonade. It wasn’t the most substantial early dinner, but you thought it would probably be enough. You wracked your brain nervously, trying to recall if Gardner had mentioned wanting something in particular.

“Oh?”

With a nod, Gardner rose to his feet and walked away from your little picnic area. You watched, bewildered, as he padded in an aimless direction, no further explanation given. He stopped suddenly and dropped into a crouch. After a moment, he turned back around and revealed he was pinching something in his fingers. Upon returning, you saw that it was a very tiny bouquet of clovers and sunny dandelions. When Gardner plopped back down, he placed the small pile of flowers in the middle of the blanket proudly.

“There,” he said with an equally proud smile. He leaned back on his hands, sitting more casually than before. “Perfect.”

You grinned at him, your heart jauntily skipping a little beat. Gardner was beaming. Perfect teeth on display, eyes twinkling and crinkling in delight at the corners. It was the most relaxed you’d ever seen him, slouching back on his hands, shirt a little rumpled, hair a little mussed. You wondered if it would be weird to take a picture of him, because you wanted to capture and keep that image of him forever.

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. “Perfect.”

Gardner’s smile relaxed into one that was close-lipped, but still lovely. His head lolled to the side a little so his cheek rested on his shoulder. For a comfortably quiet moment you both just gazed at one another. You basked in being in the other’s presence without the pressures of anything––no jobs to finish, no dinner plans to get to, no friends peering through curtains curiously. You could talk leisurely and enjoy the oncoming evening. But you would just be equally as happy sitting side-by-side quietly, not talking at all, just enjoying being with Gardner. And the way he was watching you, with the gentlest of expressions, made you think that he’d be okay with doing that, too.

“I’ll, uh, try the zucchini bread first,” you decided, setting aside your half-unwrapped sandwich. You picked up the loaf and started to unwrap the dishtowel with a chuckle. “Calvin seems to be very intent that all his food be eaten warm. He mentioned something about an eggplant parmesan congealing when I stopped in to get my car fixed.”

Gardner shrugged as much as he could with his arms in the position they were in. “It’s his favorite dish, he’s a little protective of it.”

You peeled open the tinfoil and tore a chunk of the bread off, and you regretted not having brought a knife of any sort. You smirked over at Gardner. “He seemed very upset that you let it cool off.”

Gardner arched his eyebrows. “It was you who kept me out late,” he pointed out. You scoffed teasingly and Gardner jutted his head forward as though to wordlessly further his point.

“Oh, so it’s my fault?” you laughed brightly. “You chose to say, so I think that we’re mutually responsible for causing the parmesan to congeal." With that you popped the bread into your mouth and started to chew. Your brows furrowed briefly before you let out a hum of content; you slapped a hand down over your heart. “Oh, that’s good." You said it with your mouth full, but held a hand over it to block any unfavorable sights. Once you swallowed you pointed at Gardner. “You tell Calvin you’ll never be late for eggplant parmesan again, because I will drive you home and join you if it’s as good as this bread.”

With a laugh as warm as the fading sunlight, Gardner shook his head and pushed off his hands. He started to unwrap his sandwich carefully, a smile still split across his face.

“If you praise his food enough he won’t ever let you leave,” he warned with a small laugh. You playfully rolled your eyes skyward in contemplation. The corner of your mouth rose into a smirk.

“I dunno, living with someone who makes great food and lives next to you sounds like a pretty good deal to me,” you hummed with a coy shrug. Your eyes fell to Gardner, your smirk growing into a smile. The smile he returned was quickly hidden in his sandwich, head ducked as he took a bite. He looked sheepish, almost, and it made your heart flutter.

The two of you chatted amiably as you ate. Gardner told you about some rare stamps he had that his friends from the post office coveted, so much so that each week one of them tried to see what they could trade to get them off him. You told him about how you were planning on starting a vegetable garden in the back yard, something that you’d tried before, but had never succeeded in doing. This led to you complaining about a sudden influx of beetles in your garden, and Gardner mentioned he’d seen a couple in the gardens of neighboring houses. The conversation was easy, and though there were lulls, one of you always eagerly brought a new topic up when it came to mind.

By the time the sandwiches were gone, the zucchini bread was picked at, and the lemonade half drunk, both of you were reclined on the well-loved quilt. Gardner had his hands folded atop his stomach, a position that you had mimicked when every other way to lie down felt uncomfortable. Your elbows were touching, though you wished you felt confident enough to turn on your side and wrap your arms around him. You turned your head to look over at Gardner, who was observing the purple hue of the sky with a gentle look. With a smile quirking at the corners of your mouth, you gently nudged your elbow against his. When he shifted his gaze over to you, you smiled a little wider.

“We swapped,” you said. Much to his confusion, apparently, because his brows furrowed. With a little laugh, you gestured to his shirt. “You’re wearing yellow.” You then pointed to the comfortable sundress you’d opted for. “I’m wearing blue.”

The furrow between Gardner’s brows smoothed out, and a smile pulled across his face. “Are you gonna deliver the mail, now?”

“Absolutely,” you laughed. Your dress was postal-uniform blue. “You gonna make the wedding bouquet arrangements for the end of the week?”

Gardner’s reply was a silent nod, though his smile was genuine and sweet.

You rolled a little so you were laying on your side, arms tucked under your head. For a quiet moment, you admired him in much the same way he had been admiring the sky. It hadn’t been long ago that the two of you were complete strangers. You had never thought, when you’d given him that flower, that you would end up where you were––and you were okay with that. Because where you were was really quite nice, and you wouldn’t exchange it for anything in the world.

After a moment, Gardner also shifted onto his side, which left the two of you closer than you had been before. The smile had drifted off his face, but his expression was still gentle. Still as admiring as it had been when it was directed up towards the sky, which was starting to darken in color. You watched as he reached down and grabbed something from between the two of you; his hand rose to show one of the dandelions from the tiny bouquet he’d picked. Quietly, he pressed the bloom to his nose, twirled it a little, and then held it there. Gardner then reached out to place it behind your ear, pulling at the stem so it sat snugly and securely. The action prompted a fond little giggle from your throat.

Once the dandelion was secure, Gardner’s fingers slowly danced along your jaw. The touch was light, ticklish almost. The kind of gentleness he used in touching your skin, was the same as the kind he used when examining his beloved stamps. When his fingers reached your chin, they paused. They slowly splayed out to cradle the expanse of jaw he’d just touched, and his thumb gently swept over the corner of your mouth. When Gardner repeated the action with his thumb, your lips parted a little. His eyes had become singularly focused on your mouth, and his own had opened somewhat. He shifted a little, wiggling slightly closer and bunching up the quilt in the process. You could just barely feel his breath against your skin. Everything about the moment was intimate, so sweetly intimate that you nearly felt hypnotized.

“Can I kiss you?” Gardner asked, voice barely above a murmur.

You bobbed your head a little in a nod, his hand still gently cradling your cheek. “Yes.”

He closed the distance between the two of you and pressed his lips against yours. The kisses that you’d shared with Gardner had always been gentle and sweet; he seemed to be incapable of being anything but. He had started to kiss your cheek after delivering your mail, just before he sauntered up the street with his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. Those kisses were always quick, nothing more than a peck, but they left you giddy and giggly.

These kisses, though, the ones where your lips actually met, left you feeling breathless. He’d first kissed you on Wednesday, and it was Sunday, now. There had only been one other instance where he’d asked to kiss you, and that was on Thursday, when he’d asked about going on a date. That kiss, just like the others, was something completely special. They may have been gentle and slow, but they conveyed a world of emotion he didn’t seem to know how to communicate yet.

You threaded your fingers through Gardner’s hair at the nape of his neck. He hummed in response and drew away, only to kiss you for a second time. A giggle that you couldn’t fight off bubbled in your throat and you smiled into the kiss. When the second kiss broke, Gardner continued to lavish your face with attention. A kiss was pressed to the corner of your mouth, your cheek, and your forehead. In response, you shuffled a little closer and kissed the tip of his nose, which spurred a blissful smile to split across Gardner’s face. You then cuddled yourself into his chest, comfortably nuzzling your head underneath his chin.

The sky was turning dusky and the air smelled sweet. The quilt beneath you was cushioned by the grass underneath, and the warmth of Gardner’s arms as they wrapped around you was immensely comfortable. The moment was perfect. And, like so many others you’d shared with Gardner, you wished that it could last forever. But since you knew that, once it was dark enough, you would have to leave, you contented yourself to be happy in the moment. So you smiled gently into his chest; and you could feel Gardner press a smiling kiss to the top of your head.

Tag List: @honimello, @someone-get-a-medic, @dearestdeaky, @bohemiandeakyy, @sleepyblossom, @gardnerlangway, @ramibaby

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 4x03-- The Gang Gets a Call from HR

Under the cut! 

We pick up with a reminder of where we left off last week: Xo’s restaurant being torn down. (Captions call her “Martha” but I’m fairly certain her name is “Marta” on this show)

Diane confronts Canning and taunts him with the deep pockets of STR Laurie. Canning is unfazed and Diane leaps into action. Diane thinks things are going to go her way.

Frank Landau is in reception and Marissa spots him and immediately unleashes an intense series of verbal attacks about how Eli shouldn’t send messengers if he has something to say and how she might marry a Republican. She rants and rants until Adrian shows up to greet Frank. For once, he’s not here to make Marissa’s life harder.

I do love moments like this. One, they’re hilarious. Two, Marissa thinking he MUST be there for her and also referencing her dad is just fantastic.

Landau is really there to talk to Adrian and Liz (and pointedly not Diane) about the DNC’s efforts to engage black voters. Landau wants RBL to come up with a strategy. As Adrian points out, this is a question for a PR firm. But Landau wants RBL-- they’re a black run firm and they’ve worked with the DNC before (though they fired Liz from the impeachment thing-- did we know that?), and, most importantly, they come with attorney-client privilege. 

“Dammit!” Jay exclaims when he can’t find the injunction for Diane’s case in the system. “I just told our top client to fuck off; whatever you’re dealing with can’t be worse,” Marissa responds. Heh.

Marissa can’t find it either.

God bless the loud beeping noise that happens whenever anyone can’t find a legal document. No one would have their sound on (okay, maybe Diane would) which makes this little detail hilarious to me. 

The system says the case doesn’t exist. Before Jay can investigate further, Adrian tells him he’s needed in the conference room. Jay wonders what’s wrong. Then Adrian goes to collect Lucca, who is chatting with Bianca (their convo is friendly but basically sounds like a rehash of what we saw last ep, with Lucca being like “I am a real person who has to do work” and Bianca being like “But being rich is fun!”). Lucca also asks what’s wrong and Adrian wants to know why everyone keeps asking that. Uh, because you interrupted them with a vague urgent request? That always raises red flags…

Jay goes to Diane before he reports to the conference room and shows her that the case she argued a couple of days prior doesn’t exist. This reminds me of Kresteva’s mind game but on a much bigger, scarier level.

Landau asks all the black employees of the firm, who have been gathered in the conference room, what the biggest issue facing black people today is. This feels exceedingly inappropriate. Helping the DNC brainstorm isn’t part of the job description of a lawyer (or a mailroom attendee) and it doesn’t sound like this meeting was voluntary. And who is going to be open about this with their bosses and a client present?! 

“Lack of voting rights,” someone finally volunteers. Racism and police brutality get added to the list too, as does institutional racism. 

When Landau asks what the Democratic Party is doing to combat racism, the room begins to buzz and Jay speaks up to say the DNC is doing “jack shit to combat racism.” He wants to know where the policies are if the DNC cares so much.

Lucca tries to walk his point back by saying Democrats are trying, but one of the mailroom guys pipes up and says he doesn’t feel like the Party is talking to him or giving him a reason to miss work to vote. It is ridiculous that election day isn’t a national holiday.

Landau steps out for a moment and Adrian asks the room to tone down the DNC bashing. I feel like this is an unwinnable situation. If the people in the room speak up and say the truth it’s offending the client; if they don’t then they aren’t providing the insights needed. I know this plot exists mostly so our characters can have this convo but oof, this is not the right setting for this conversation. 

Marissa shows up in Julius’s chambers and he’s happy to see her. She says things at STR Laurie (or “STD Laurie” as the very mature RBL employees call it) are weird.

Marissa wants info on Marta’s case. Julius can’t find it in the system either and gets the same loud beep sound. Julius awkwardly denies ruling on it, then Diane walks in. Julius gets flustered and says he’s no longer on the case and doesn’t remember the case. “Are you fucking serious?” Diane responds. “Don’t swear at me!” Julius says. “I never used to swear, ever, but now I find it useful. People look at me and think I would never swear so when I say this is fucking nuts it has added meaning and this is fucking nuts,” Diane says. Love it. Also, I think TGF does a pretty good job of having some characters swear for impact and others (looking at you Lucca) swear all the time. 

Julius does NOT like being suspected and says to “talk to Adrian’s girlfriend”.

Meanwhile at RBL, the topic is now maternal mortality. A male employee mentions that black women don’t need to be mobilized (I assume he means because they are the most reliably blue voters) and that causes cross-talk. This is one of the more interesting “everyone at RBL debate!” episodes but I don’t think the writers will ever tire of showing that an issue is controversial by getting two sentences into a debate and then having it turn into cross-talk.

Jay jumps in and changes the topic to reparations. The room gets quiet. Lucca says it’ll never happen. Hey, Rosalyn is back!!! Lots of familiar faces in this room. 

Okay I am not going to transcribe this whole discussion but it’s interesting.

All three name partners get called up to talk to Mr. Firth. 

“Whenever I see offices like this, I always think that we’re all gonna be dead some day,” Liz remarks before Mr. Firth enters. Adrian and Diane laugh and Mr. Firth walks in and asks what’s funny. The joke doesn’t land.

Mr. Firth launches into another story I don’t understand or care to listen to. The real issue is that STR Laurie thinks that RBL is billing the DNC incorrectly (RBL is getting more than STR Laurie). STR Laurie isn’t supposed to know what RBL is charging as part of the transition plan in the merger, but Mr. Firth clearly does not give a fuck about honoring that agreement. Pretty clear who has power and who is backed into a corner. This agreement was supposed to “encourage trust” but something tells me STR Laurie doesn’t actually care about encouraging trust all that much. 

After the awkward meeting, Diane, who is just now hearing of the DNC’s business, asks Liz and Adrian if it is old business (RBL’s) or new (STR Laurie’s). It could be argued either way, Liz and Adrian admit.Liz is more concerned that STR Laurie is looking at RBL’s books when they shouldn’t be. She goes to put Marissa on the case.

Diane takes this opportunity to ask Adrian about his girlfriend. Adrian explains he just wants to keep his private life private. I’ve heard that one before. Adrian tells Diane about “Memo 618” and that it intimidated Julius.

CREDITS, FINALLY. I am going to take a break and watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, a show I’ve somehow gotten hooked on despite it being completely mediocre and something I would’ve dumped after three episodes in non-quarantine times. 

And I’m back, two days later lol

Bar-Swarm’s interface looks outdated. Diane knows how to use it, though, and asks the interwebs what Memo 618 is.

Meanwhile, Marissa refers to STR Laurie as “STD Laurie” in a conversation with Adrian. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, which makes the joke even better. Liz and Adrian are very amused.

Marissa narrows the potential list of STR Laurie (I gotta start shortening this-- STRL?) spies down to one, a Caleb Garland who is 39 years old and used to be in the Army.

Now Diane’s case is in Judge Hazelwood’s courtroom. Canning refers to the previous trial and Diane, knowing the last case had no paper trail, insists this is the first time the case is being tried. Canning doesn’t know how to respond and it’s pretty amusing to watch him squirm. Canning really is the perfect antagonist for this case. Kresteva would’ve worked too.

The Reparations convo, and cross-talk, continue. I hate to “case stuff happens” some of the most thought provoking stuff of the ep but, again, I have nothing to add.

Adrian mentions there’s a model for reparations in Chicago and tells the story and explains the model.

The debate Landau requested is too heated for him, because he totally didn’t expect that black voters are a diverse group with differing viewpoints, and Landau thinks the solution is… to add white people to the conversation for diversity. You know, to “gauge how the ideas are landing.” The ideas they are thinking through to help the DNC motivate black voters.

Mayyyyybeeee, just maybe, the problem is that this white dude is commissioning black employees of a law firm to do emotional labor while also treating them as a monolith and being afraid to actually listen to him? And that he’s making it seem like what black people have to say is only important if white people agree? Maybe just maybe that’s part of the problem too???

Caleb is peeling a rutabaga on a game; seems pretty silly. He and Marissa chat, and she asks him why he’s on the RBL floor before I can type out the same question. He tells Marissa he’s there as a spy but he’s not a very good spy. I’m like 99.9% sure Marissa says these same words to Alicia in season six when she shows up to be the bodywoman. 

Marissa and Caleb-- who no one even knows-- join the big DNC meeting because they are white. This seems like a good use of resources.

David Lee gets to be in the conversation, and manages to both snark and take it kind of seriously. Have we ever had it confirmed that David Lee is Jewish? I know Veronica made some comments, but Marissa’s comments here make it seem much clearer he’s supposed to be Jewish. 

Adrian tells a story that Vernon Jordan once told him, and the story uses the n-word. I think we may have heard this story on TGF before, does anyone remember?

Diane’s case is back. The actual particulars of it barely matter and I hope Marta gets more to do going forward and doesn’t just disappear. Judge Hazelwood, too, gets Memo 618, and things stop going Diane’s way. Hazelwood gets pissed when Diane brings up Memo 618 in court. She holds Diane in contempt and swears. Yikes. 

Lucca gets a call to go to the HR department that FINALLY exists now that RBL has corporate overlords. She’s there because there’s been a complaint about Adrian. Before hearing the details, Lucca’s asked not to share the details and she says she can’t promise them anything. HR still shares the complaint-- Adrian used the n-word. Lucca looks amused but HR is SUPER serious about this. A black man used the n-word. Seems like… not a big deal to me? Depending on the context, of course. 

Still no results for Memo 618. And when Diane searches “What is Memo 618?” (which is an extremely specific string but ok) her computer shuts itself off. Is… is that possible? I think I just have to accept that TGF is going to do whatever it wants with tech.

Lucca immediately goes to Liz and Adrian to tell Liz (while Adrian is conveniently there) about the situation. “Apparently STR Laurie has a zero tolerance policy on inappropriate language,” Lucca explains. 

Adrian suspects Caleb; Marissa disagrees because she trusts him already. (This is also making me wonder-- David Lee isn’t RBL, yet he was in the meeting… why?)

Marissa is then instructed to feed Caleb a lie.

Jay’s computer also encounters the issue (and all the accompanying sound effects) with Bar-Swarm and calls it targeted malware. 

Marissa, extremely clumsily (and potentially intentionally clumsily), feeds Caleb the lie. 

HR’s interviewing everyone. Most people say they weren’t offended; one woman says she thinks some people might not have liked it but she thinks running to HR is an overreaction. HR says they’re there to help and hold people accountable. Fine line between holding people accountable and making mountains out of molehills in an effort to be thorough. (Without seeing-- or remembering-- how HR ends up handling this I can’t really say they’re doing a bad job… though I feel like a situation like this probably doesn’t need to involve interviewing so many employees because one or two accounts should suffice to make it clear Adrian was telling a story and quoting someone. And also this does feel like a lot of white people who are unequipped to resolve workplace racial disputes.)

(Also isn’t the real HR problem that the employees were basically being forced into a conference room to have a debate about their own feelings and backgrounds?) 

ADDITIONALLY the HR lady is the scary-ass nurse from Evil. Yikes. That hospital episode is one of the more terrifying-- and interesting-- things I’ve seen in ages. 

Jay repeats the story to HR. They look surprised, like it’s the first time they’re hearing this. No one else told HR the story? 

Somehow this HR complaint gets back to Vernon Jordan. Ok, taking back what I said, this HR complaint has gone too far. I think they can hear from Jay’s story, which literally every RBL employee can confirm, what Adrian’s point was. And what does it matter if the story really came from Jordan or not?! This is egregious overreach that feels more like office politics than anything else.

Yeah, Adrian’s convo with Mr. Firth makes it pretty clear this is a power play to show Adrian he no longer runs things. It’s not really about his language; that’s just a pretext for STRL to send a warning shot. 

Now everyone has to take a class on racial sensitivity and Mr. Firth is lecturing Adrian about how “charged” the n-word is, which sets Adrian off. I feel like it’s pretty objective to say that Adrian knows the meaning and power of the n-word better than Mr. Firth. 

Adrian ponders quitting in one of his late night talks with Liz. I love their convos. They talk about their marriage (suddenly it occurs to me-- somehow it hasn’t before!-- that this is the kind of dynamic I imagine Alicia and Peter would have post divorce) as well as the topic at hand. Liz points out they’ll never fire Adrian for using the n-word in a quote because it sounds ridiculous and STRL has its own issues (they apparently took a group photo without black people and then PHOTO SHOPPED IN BLACK PEOPLE which… that’s worse, guys!!!). “They bought us to put us in their pictures,” they recognize. (They had to have known this going in-- still don’t quite understand why they sold; still don’t think the show will ever care to answer this question.) 

Liz tells Adrian to just do what he wants. 

Then Jay brings up the HR complaint in another group meeting and wants to know who filed the complaint. This ALSO seems inappropriate. 

Someone suspects David Lee; David Lee would never file the complaint because he hates HR. 

More interesting debate continues. Again, nothing to say, but really appreciate hearing all of this.

Oh now Landau is here in the middle of the intrafirm shitstorm.

It was Madeline, one of the equity partners, who made the complaint to make a point. Or at least it seems likely she did. She believes every black person should have a choice not to hear it at the workplace. I don’t really get an opinion here but that sounds like a valid point to me. It also goes back to the whole, “maybe a forced all staff convo about race is not a good idea…” thing. 

Adrian suggests that they could have talked privately instead of having it escalated to HR. His tone is kind of condescending but his point seems fair to me, though I think it’s up to an individual to decide if they think a complaint is for HR or not. If they don’t feel comfortable bringing up the point with their boss, that is what HR is for. 

It sounds like Madeline is a little bitter, too, about Adrian selling the firm. She’d be losing money, based on what we heard last week, so the bitterness makes sense. If she’s the one who submitted the complaint, it seems likely she had a reason to be upset with Adrian’s use of the word and also a point to make about how Adrian no longer makes the rules. 

Madeline also says that Jay bringing all of this into the open is called intimidation. I don’t think she’s wrong.

Landau, of course, sees all of this, and shuts things down despite Adrian and Liz telling him their employees are just “passionate.” Wow. This resolution might even lead one to think that having a law firm conduct an unstructured, seemingly mandatory debate about a personal and controversial topic is a bad strategy for getting things done! Who ever could have imagined it would lead to infighting and cross-talk? 

LOL at these sensitivity trainings and at Jay’s reaction to the watermelon example. 

Lucca is always so aware of rank in a really consistent way. It’s not so much that she craves status like an early season Cary-type might; she’s just very aware of where she ranks and who has power and what systems are at play. 

Adrian, Liz, and Diane (who’s barely had anything to do this episode) click through the sensitivity training slides very quickly. They’re definitely reading the slides.

Caleb goes to Liz and says he wants to be second chair on a case. Interesting. Curious where his character is going. 

Jay discovers the malware is coming from INSIDE THE OFFICE! It’s an STRL ploy! And we end with a very dramatic shot of Diane looking up at the ceiling. 

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 54

This chapter is 100% dedicated to my beloved sister, @parisconstantine. While we never really got the chance to actually do this, I always wished we could.

Also, thank @baelpenrose for Arthur Farro and the unceasingly fun to write Alistair Worthington.

Content warnings for basic white girl shenanigans, you have been warned.

“It still tastes like chai,” I groaned as I sipped the drink my sister set in front of me. We were in her office, going over crew files to identify who we had available to start learning the material for the Galactic Core courses.  Eino and Grey were solidly behind the initiative, along with Xiomara – purely for political and defensive reasons, but still – so with neither Pranav nor Huyhn having any objections, we had a tentative green light.

This concoction in my cup, however, did not have any such approval.

“It would probably help if we knew exactly what was supposed to be in it,” Tyche before wrinkling her nose at her own beverage. “At least we both like chai?”

I shrugged and nodded. “Maybe it’s the ratios… Hey, this guy looks promising. He’s already assigned to Eino, apparently was a teacher Before.  Poor thing, he taught high school…”  Tyche erupted in giggles. I scowled at her. “You don’t understand. High school students can be horrible monsters.”

“Agreed,” Alistair added as he breezed into the room. He stopped abruptly, wrinkling his nose. “Why does it smell like a tea shop in here, and why are we discussing the propensity of adolescents to be Eldritch abominations?”

“Latest attempt,” I raised my cup at him. “And we’re going through personnel files for candidates to teach the new curriculum.”

He nodded. “I received the alert that the Council approved. However, one would think Councillor Wiitala would be the one to handle the details.” He gestured at the console. “May I?”

I shrugged and Tyche nodded, so he dialed a cup of my sister’s most recent creation. “Eino will coordinate with the new educators to decide the actual curriculum,” Tyche clarified. “Personnel falls under Soph by way of me, and she’s responsible for logistics.” She made an eloquent gesture at me.

“And Sophia has no other staff to delegate this to?” He arched a brow as he took his first taste of the experiment in his hand. Grimacing, he managed to swallow before putting the rest in a recycling port. “Oh, that’s chai. And not even good chai. How are the two of you drinking that?”

“Grow up drinking coffee that could degrease and engine,” I muttered into my cup. It wasn’t that bad, I decided.  My assistant just pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath through his clenched teeth. “As far as delegating, would you be interested in taking it on?”

“Not possible, I’m afraid. Between my day to day responsibilities as your assistant and those horrid swimming lessons, I have very little free time as it is. Madame Reid, you can stop laughing this instant, it is not funny in the least.”

Tyche exploded into laughter rather than complying with his admonishment. Wiping tears from her eyes, she gasped, “I can’t believe you took that bet!” She dropped her head onto her arms and shook, gasping now and then.

I managed to restrain myself to a smile, but it was a close call. “Anyway, if you are too busy, and Tyche is already handling the personnel files, then no, I can’t delegate this.”

“Surely you – “ Alistair broke off as Tyche’s hysterics escalated.  At first, he looked confused, but dawning comprehension finally broke across his face. “You cannot be serious.”

“Mmm hmm.” I smiled wider, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“You really have no other staff?”

“Nope,” I popped before leaning back in my seat. “I come up with ideas, I vet ideas, but of the entire Council, I have the smallest staff. Two, to be precise.” I swept my arm, gesturing at him and the shaking lump of my sister, still slumped on the table.

“That is…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “How did I never realize this?”

Tyche’s head popped up. “I wish I knew,” she answered shakily, wiping tears from her face. “You have access to the entire staffing plan for the Council.  How did you not see that?” Alistair muttered and turned his face away. “Come again? I didn’t catch that?”

“I thought the information was incorrect, Madame Reid.”

“Mademoiselle,” she corrected. “But Tyche is preferred.  Did you really think that a staffing document that I, personally, manage would be incorrect?”

“Tyche,” I chided. “It is very common for those who manage personnel to leave their own updates for last.  He’s not being rude.”  I turned back to my assistant. “To clarify, that data is completely accurate.  The entirety of my staff is sitting in this room. That doesn’t mean I don’t delegate, mind you.  I just don’t delegate entire projects, that’s all.  Tyche handles anything regarding staffing, whether it’s long term or short term.  That is entirely on her, by the way, even though it falls under my department.  If I need data, Pranav has given me permanent access to some of his people, and I can also reach out to Grey whenever I need.  For something like this, once I figure out the logistics and make sure we have enough educators to do it, I hand it over to Eino, and it’s his problem.”

Alistair looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “Additionally, I would venture that you have a sort of unofficial staff.”

I shook my head vigorously, immediately understanding what he was getting at. “No, I have a family, Mr. Worthington.  Talking about your day, bouncing ideas off each other, that’s what a family should be.  They are certainly not my staff.”

“I am,” Tyche offered, smirking.

Brat. “That’s different,” I sighed. “You actually report to me, in a professional capacity.”  I picked up my cup to take another sip, frowning to find it empty.  “There is a hole in my coffee cup,” I muttered.

Alistair rolled his eyes and snatched the mug from my hands. “Give me that before you make yourself sick,” he demanded waspishly.

I took a deep breath through my nose, trying to bring myself back to the actual task I was in here for. “Okay, no, I don’t have any other staff, so no, I can’t delegate this. And that fine, this was my idea, and I’m actually very excited to have a hand in bringing it to fruition. So, moving on… Arthur Farro goes on the short list. Who’s next?”

“Don’t kill me,” Tyche immediately responded.

“Not what I expected… why would I kill you?”

“We have one person on this ship with pretty much nothing to do, who has a very unique perspective on this and actually has read most of the material…”

“Tyche…”

“…And he’s not my favorite person either, but – “

“Tyche. Spit it out.”

“Simon,” she blurted, leaving me in stunned silence. “I know, he’s got the social skills of an enthusiastic squirrel, but he is the only human on the ship who already knows the majority of the material.”

I sputtered, stopped, and tried again. “But can he teach it?” I asked, incredulous. “Knowing things doesn’t always mean you can pass the information on effectively.”

“That is your objection, Councillor?” Alistair threw over his shoulder as he continued to do whatever he was doing at the food console.

“Well… yeah?” I confirmed, confused why I would have any other objections. “I am absolutely certain he knows most of the material and would probably learn the rest on his own. He didn’t have much else to do for the year he was on the Ark by himself. And he’s been working on his social skills, it’s just…” I sighed and ran a hand down my face. “Look, I’ve had those teachers, you know?  The ones who know the material like they breathe air, but can’t teach it to save their lives.  It’s an awful experience and always made me hate the subject instead of the teacher. Simon doesn’t need any more hate directed at him, thank you.”

“For what it’s worth, I’ve already talked to him, and he’s willing,” Tyche offered.  “He’s been studying public speaking and body language, and said he would be willing to take some education courses if it would help.  He really does want to give back.”

“Wait, body language courses?” A feeling of abject horror buried itself deep in the pit of my stomach. “Tyche… Which courses?”

“About that – “

“I swear on my bones if you sent him – “

“He found it himself!”

Hammering my head on the table suddenly seemed like a brilliant idea. “Oh my god. This is not happening.”

Alistair interrupted, sliding two mugs on the table before absconding with the cooling remnants of my sister’s not-chai. “You are doing it again.  You are speaking ‘Reid-ish’ and I’m not quite fluent yet, so would the two of you mind speaking in full sentences so the rest of us mere mortals know what you are saying?”

“Oh, you’ll learn,” I threatened drily before sweeping a hand at my sister. “Go ahead. You love telling this story.”

She leveled a glare that would wither lesser people before turning to explain. “Sophia was an interpersonal communications expert in a former life. She wrote a paper, during grad school, on the importance of body language to people in positions of power. Specifically, educators and managers at various levels. It was controversial for a while, mostly because it emphasized the exact opposite of what most studies in that field encouraged.  No ‘power poses’, no ‘assertive language’, nada.”

“And this is the paper Mr. Rodriguez found?”

“Oh, not the paper,” I groaned miserably. “Eventually, people started asking me to come give talks, and then seminars to their employees. It was a disaster.”

“It was an insane success,” Tyche argued.

“But I had to give seminars!” I cried. “You know I hate public speaking!”

You could have heard a pin drop.  Alistair gaped at me, mouth opening and closing a few times in aborted attempts to say something. Finally, “You wrote an entire paper, and gave actual courses, on how to do something you hate?”

“That’s why I wrote the damned paper,” I admitted.  “I hate public speaking because of all the toxic power-posing bullshit attached to it.  It’s like you’re intimidating people to believe you. ‘Project confidence, don’t use filler language, use powerful language, executize’.” I mimicked in a squeaky voice. “It was a bunch of baloney, so I wrote the paper to prove that.  I never expected people to take it that seriously.  Not to mention, I nearly didn’t get my Masters because of that paper.”

“The professor was not impressed,” Tyche stage-whispered.

“The professor was an asshole who entered every room like a bull in a china shop,” I growled. “He blustered and intimidated people, and at least half his students were afraid of him.”

“And you basically wrote an entire paper about why you found him distasteful,” Alistair nodded.  “I am genuinely floored that he disagreed with your findings.”

“Fuck him, I was right,” I ground out. “I managed to get nearly every undergrad in the school to participate in the study, which turned out to be the only way I was able to keep from failing the course – the sample set was so large, he couldn’t exactly argue it.  But he tried, believe me.”  Distracted, I took a sip of the drink he had set in front of me. “Oh my.  Oh god. This… Tyche. Drink. Now.”

She took a sip and threw a predatory look at Alistair. “You did not.”

“I did,” Alistair replied smugly.

I was fighting back tears while simultaneously trying to learn how to live in a cup of coffee.  Tyche just looked constipated. “I’ve been trying for two months.  You just whipped it right up.”

“I will admit, I did not think your… quest… was as serious as it turned out to be, else I would have done it sooner.  If for no other reason than to spare myself your various concoctions.”

“This used to be our thing, every fall,” I explained, sniffing my now-mostly-empty cup. “Before she moved to Paris, I mean.  We would go out and get these, and hang out for a day.” I blinked furiously, refusing to cry over a cup of coffee.

Alistair chuckled. “Could the two of you possibly have a more stereotypical tradition?”

“No,” Tyche growled stubbornly before tilting her chin up. “Nothing says ‘comfortable with myself’ more than two women this white,” she pointed back and forth furiously between us, “Enjoying pumpkin spice coffee in the fall.”

“Being a walking stereotype is its own kind of confidence,” I admitted. “You know everyone is probably judging you for it, but you really just don’t care.”

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[golbrocklovely]

Complain about Elton? 👀👀

first off, love that emoji lmao secondly, this is gonna be long so grab a snack.

now, before i complain, i want to say that there is a lot of good things about elton and in all honest, i don’t hate him or anything like that. i think his content is extremely unique and unlike anything i’ve really seen on youtube. i also have to thank him for introducing me to sam and colby. i also think that the fact he donates a lot to so many charities and has done live streams dedicated to raising money is great. he’s amazing in that regard and overall, i do like him.

HOWEVER, everyone has their faults. these, in my opinion, are his.

anymore, it feels like all he does is complain. i think he puts a lot of effort into the trips he takes and thus the videos he produces. the thing is is that he will then get upset if anyone disagrees with him about anything. do some ppl hate on him to hate? definitely. but some are just giving constructive criticism, but to him, that’s hate (and fun fact… no it’s not). if he can’t complain about the trip itself, it’s always the reaction to the content. one time, he complained that a video’s comment section was all hate and it was annoying him, which is understandable. however, many fans went to the comment section and saw literally almost no hate. it’s like he actively tries to find the negative in every video he makes. if it’s not the trip, it’s the reaction. if it’s not the reaction, it’s something else. this is where recently, he has started to really annoy me.

he wasn’t liking ppl’s reaction to the “”“prank”“” videos he posted from the queen mary. now, i personally don’t like pranks and have never found one funny. that’s just not my cup of tea. the problem is, these videos were not set up to be pranks, they were set up to be an investigation into the paranormal. and then all of sudden, ppl were calling him out for them being fake, and his response was ‘lol it’s just a prank bro’, as if somehow we have been transported back to the year 2016. if you’re gonna prank your audience, you’re not allowed to be upset if they don’t like that. pranks are controversial to begin with, some see them as a positive, some see them as a negative, so regardless of how you see it, your audience is gonna be split. he LITERALLY tweeted “I did it because I wanted to make something enthralling, agitating & unique for y’all to watch.” well then… there you have it. people are AGITATED. you can’t be upset when that was your whole purpose for this fucking video.

to top it off, he also complained about the fact he lost money making these “”“pranks”“”, but the thing is… no one is asking him to spend all this money and possibly go into debt for a fucking video. no one is asking him to do that. HE is doing that himself, but still feels the need to complain about it.

also, it doesn’t sit well with me that he blocks ppl very quickly over trivial tweets. fans were calling him out over the videos being fake, and he would just block them. like… why tho? they are fake.

NOW this next opinion is really just an assumption about him and could be 100% wrong, but this is just how i perceive him.

i fully believe that when you get older, you mature. however, being older doesn’t mean you are more mature. and that’s how i feel about him. he comes across as someone who thinks that just because he is almost thirty and the people he surrounds himself with are not, he is thus more mature than them. that’s not the case AT ALL. you can tell literally by how he reacts to ppl he disagrees with: arguing on twitter, getting upset over “hate” comments, and blocking ppl. i mean, do whatever you want, but focusing on all that negativity is never gonna help you bc negativity is EVERYWHERE. you’re never gonna be happy arguing with someone that hates what you make, so don’t do it.

and to go along with this, snc talked about in podcast of theirs that the reason corey and elton stopped being friends for a while was bc he and corey would bicker over dumb stuff, which is understandable. but what broke the camel’s back was their gfs at the time, amanda and devyn, both had a similar shirt and one of them lost it, accusing the other of stealing it. obviously, elton sided with amanda and corey sided with devyn and they got into a huge fight and somehow that was enough for them to just stop talking to each other and for elton to move out. like…. talking it out would have taken so much less effort. and the same thing with aaron kinda happened too where elton would try to film serious spooky videos and aaron would kinda goof off in them, which elton didn’t like. so instead of talking it out and telling him to not do that, he just stopped including him in them.

AND THEN, there was this one time a couple fans followed snc, corey, and elton to their hotel which i 100% believe is uncalled for and stupid. but the fans stood outside their hotel, then went into the hotel, waited in the lobby and got photos with them. elton kinda told them then that doing that wasn’t something he liked. he complained about it on twitter (which he’s allowed to do) and the fan responded to him. he then tweeted back to her, his fans attacked her, and it was a whole messy ass situation. my problem with the whole thing is… you’re almost 30. he could have easily dmed her and did it all behind the scenes but instead you did it out in the open, knowing fully your fans would attack and that’s not cool.

i don’t agree with what the fans (who followed/stalked them) did either, but it just could have been handled better if he would have been more mature about it.

okay… i think that’s enough for one night/morning lol

send me some other stuff! i’d love to chat :))

[cookiefonster666]

Thoughts on the Homestuck Epilogues (Tumblr Edition)

I predicted the future!

Might as well adapt this Blogspot post I made about a week ago into Tumblr form, why not. With a few minor changes. I don’t like using Tumblr but I figure it’s a good additional platform to share my surprisingly positive views on the Homestuck Epilogues.

The epilogues have a lot of controversial content, most of which I avoid talking about here.

BRIEF SUMMARY

4/20, read through Meat: epilogues pretty good

4/20, started Candy: what the fuck

4/21, stopped: aaaaaaaaughhhhh bluh i hate everything

4/24-ish, continued Candy: epilogues alright i guess also i am sad now

4/27-ish, finished: I LOVE HOMESTUCK

BRIEF-ISH SUMMARY

Meat was a wild ride that started as cool plot stuff and things that make you go "OH FUCK", continued as basically chapters 7-9 of Detective Pony (which I naturally enjoyed a lot), and ended as a mess of sheer chaos and destruction. My thought process ended as, "oh duh, this is the bad ending, candy must be the good ending". I was in for quite the nasty surprise.

I quit reading Candy just a few pages in. It didn't take long for it to suddenly become the weirdest fanfiction ever. Frustrated, I started skipping and searching through later parts and got rather salty when it turned out both sides were the "bad ending". I saw firsthand what vfromhomestuck meant by "clear your whole week": this is not something most people can just read in one sitting. Then I recovered a few days and read Candy in earnest, in a somewhat anachronous order and with many parts read multiple times. Slowly, I started to hope that the epilogues would be followed up with a true happy ending for real this time. I may or may not have written a snippet of some form of fanfiction paving the way for a happy ending.

Once I finally accomplished the equivalent of reading Candy as intended, I got hit HARD with feels. I accepted that the epilogues have many issues but as a whole (not just the sum of parts) are an absolute masterwork, sometimes because of those issues. It didn't take me long to realize the brilliant duality either. Meat is a side-splitting metafictional farce that (for me at least) is impossible to treat as anything resembling a story of people doing things. Candy is a tale of FEELS, and I don't use the word FEELS lightly. FEELS means I almost cried, like I did when I watched the Futurama episode Luck of the Fryrish.

DETECTIVE PONY AND METAFICTION

Before I move on and talk about the CHARACTERS, I'm going to discuss the meat epilogue's resemblance to sonnetstuck's Detective Pony. I love everything about Detective Pony, more than almost anything else in existence. My abnormal love for that godlike fanwork probably skewed my perception of Meat a bit. Starting from page 17, Dirk takes over the narration then fights over it with god tier Calliope; both do rather questionable deeds and Dirk was hit hard by fans as a result. Seeing other fans react towards that character with such hostility gave me a very distinct feeling of "what, am I missing something?" Dirk's takeover felt like a lengthy work of comedy to me; a story that never strips away from the fact that it's fiction, in a vein near identical to that of Detective Pony. I like to think I am in the right for perceiving that arc this way, because I think everyone who has read Homestuck should read Detective Pony. One of the epilogue authors read Detective Pony after writing the epilogues and was struck by it; I take this accidental mirroring of (post-)canon as proof that sonnetstuck understands Hussie's ways through and through. I like to think I have a solid understanding of Hussie's ways by now, but this guy is on a whole new level.

That said, the meat epilogue gets a bit carried away with metafiction to the point of making me think, "god when will things go back to normal". Towards the end of Detective Pony, Dirk goes through an existential crisis followed by a powerful revelation, and then resolves to do whatever it takes to erase his abominable creation. But the meat epilogue ends with (both figurative and literal) crashing and burning; no ultimate redemption for our poor Strider. Homestuck doesn't usually have much of a problem with getting carried away with stupid nonsense; maybe a few rare occasions in cases like Hussie's self-insert scenes. But getting carried away is a major criticism I have with cool and new web comic. I love that comic to death, but the parts that take a long time to dwell on the cool and new characters being creepy or weird are a chore to go through. o (the author of CaNWC) seems to have improved in that regard; the cool and new trolls' arc is much more to-the-point with such nonsense.

Meat getting carried away with metafiction is a major cause of my initial burnout shortly after starting Candy. I was sick of this mass dump of metafiction and expected Candy to be a refreshing change of pace. Haha, if only. My fault for reading Meat first. At night I sometimes ponder in envy of the parallel universe me that started with Candy. Actually I don't do that, I just thought it was a funny thing to say. Though I have on more than a few occasions sat in bed fantasizing about how awesome my life probably is in some parallel universe. What point was I making again? Oh whatever, it doesn't matter. I guess I should write a similar overview of Candy's narrative nature. Here goes:

LUCK OF THE FRYRISH AND SADSTUCK

Sad things are sad.

^ There, that's my candy overview. How hard was that?

With the two summaries out of the way, I figure the best way to dump out my residual thoughts on the epilogues is going character by character. I won't do every character, mostly just the ones who played large roles and were already characters in Homestuck proper. I'm sorting these characters in tiers of how well I think the epilogues handle them, mostly from worst to best.

N-TIER

N is not the lowest tier; it's the tier that cannot be ranked. N stands for two things here: "Not Applicable" and "Narrators". Naturally enough, two characters fit into that tier.

Dirk Strider: I've already talked about this guy quite a bit. I have a fondness for Dirk's character and I think his dialogue and narration in meat do a good job portraying some ascended, ultimate version of his character without straying from his voice, the tone that makes him Dirk. That said, I'm a bit peeved that "normal Dirk", the one iteration of Dirk Strider that isn't total bonkers and just wants his friends to be happy, doesn't exist in this story. In Candy, Rose suddenly loses the memories of her alternate selves, but for some reason Dirk keeps those memories and soon after commits suicide; he's left out of the picture until Candy's postscript, which I guess is a reasonable balance considering his indulgence throughout Meat. But why is only one of the succulently verbose Strilondes let off the hook? Some readers imagine Dave as the comic's protagonist and Dirk as the antagonist; I've toyed with that idea myself and can see it symbolized, but it just feels so wrong to me. Maybe the authors did too good a job writing Dirk for me to be complacent with such a shift in role. His conversations with Rose were just as delightful as I had hoped and they aren't weighed down too much in light of his shift in role, at least not for me.

Alt Calliope: The narrative rival to Dirk, as I mentioned previously. I'm not totally sure what to say about her, other than that one could see her as a counterpart to let's say Anna Harley; a necessary piece in the Detective Pony analogy. Alt Calliope's narrative arguments with Dirk were hilarious and that's all there is to say on the matter.

G-TIER

I'm lucky Gamzee's name starts with a G, because this means I can give him a tier of his own worse than F. As an individual arc that is; he'd get a much higher rating when taken as part of a whole.

Gamzee Makara: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I despised reading every word that came out of this guy's mouth as soon as his """redemption arc""" started. But I can clearly tell that was the point and that the suffering that is reading his words has a much greater purpose. Before you deem me a masochist or the kind that insists everything is "bad on purpose", know that I am neither of those things but really do mean what I say here. Gamzee's role in Candy draws tension between individuality and the whole. Reading this guy's hogwash is suffering in and of itself, but ultimately it serves a role of showing us how fucked up the world of Candy is and helps the reader experience John's existential crisis with him.

F-TIER

As before, these tiers are strictly about character arcs in isolation and not the big picture. This tier is home to none other than the legendary...

Jane Crocker: Boy did I predict the future on that one. A bit like Dirk, I would've liked it more if in only one epilogue did sweet innocent little Jane become such a monster. No way in hell am I going to run through the asshole things she does; it's a load of sensitive topics I'm not comfortable discussing in any capacity. Instead, I'll say that if I had to choose only one epilogue where Jane ran through her crazy presidential campaign it would be Candy; as with Gamzee's arc, this campaign serves well as a part of John's existential crisis. What's weird here is that in Candy she originally cancelled all this, but later ended up basically doing it anyway with Dirk gone. I can imagine Jane going back to normal in Meat, maybe? Or in the hypothetical "true ending" I discussed prior.

D-TIER

Better known as "meh" tier. Mostly the characters that don't do much and I wished did more.

Meenah Peixes: Needed more screen time, god damn it. She survives the Furthest Ring apocalypse, nabs the Ring of Life, then makes her way to Candy Earth and joins Karkat in the rebellion. Maybe it makes sense that her and Karkat teaming up in war is relegated to the background, to show how far the shouty guy has come in comparison to everyone else. I'll come back to this point when I talked about Karkat.

Roxy Lalonde: Doesn't do too much in either side, but does go through some touchy topics I'm not sure what to think about; I'm most certainly not ready to talk about those topics now. And regardless, Roxy's role in the epilogues is better discussed when I talk about John and Terezi a few tiers up.

Calliope: Doesn't do all that much either, full circle to being the exposition alien with mysterious morality. I'm actually pretty OK with that. Certainly beats out the slog of endless "ur pretty" conversations. Calliope pretty much fades into the background on both sides, which is sad but fitting.

(About pronouns: I'll keep referring to Roxy and Calliope as "she" unless I find reason to talk about the little those two do in Meat. I just avoided using pronouns in those paragraphs above.)

C-TIER

Better known as "meh" tier, but with a more positive "meh" than before. It's the "meh" that indicates lukewarm satisfaction rather than annoyance at mediocrity.

Jade Harley: Really should be on a lower tier, because she did dick squat other than being horny and painfully oblivious to all the nonsense going on. But I'm a sucker for Jade being "Jade" and was happy to see even a trace of that early in Meat. As before, I'll avoid the controversial topics surrounding Jade in the epilogues, aside from pointing out that this post reads very different now.

Karkat Vantas: This guy's a bit of an odd spot. His leadership role is addressed in the absolute last way I expected. Could've gotten more attention from the story I suppose, but damn if his character arc didn't get the most triumphant return imaginable.

Kanaya Maryam: I touched upon Rose and Kanaya's relationship when I discussed the "buddy system" in my first epilogues post and I still stand by what I said there. Her strong attachment to Rose is integrated well into Meat without seeming like fluff or defining her entire character, because she actually does other things there too. In Candy they remain a stable happy relationship and I guess I'm cool with that.

Aradia Megido: Role is the same as ever and I'm fine with that. Death fangirl who works for predestination and has ambiguous morality. Her arc with alt Calliope ends with a cliffhanger that is easily the biggest reason to hope for a follow-up to the epilogues; if such a follow-up were to happen, I really look forward to hearing more from Aradia.

Sollux Captor: Sollux is by nature the other guy, that's an immutable fact of life. He doesn't do much other than snarking at whoever's nearby and I can't imagine it any other way.

Jake English: If not for a scene near the end of Candy, I'd put Jake at D-tier. Through all of Meat and most of Candy, Jake's role is one of the oddest spots of all and it's pretty hard to pinpoint what the authors were going for, lest I dabble in controversial topics some more. But Jake's scene with John near the end of Candy is uniquely touching and makes the most out of his role as a second John. He moves in with John, bringing his son Tavros with him, and encourages John to reconcile with his former wife and make amends of sorts, ultimately giving a small portion of the cast a pseudo-happy ending. That whole part of Candy made me tear up.

Talking about the really GOOD parts is a perfect point for me to move on to...

B-TIER

Stuff that didn't make it into A-Tier, which I've reserved for what struck me HARD.

Dave Strider: In both epilogues, Dave's behavior generally seems based on how he acted in Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5, which is actually a LOT better than it sounds and hell if I know why that is. Dave's rants about politics and sexuality now have a charm I can't quite describe. His absurd fixation specifically on the economy matches shockingly well with the nature of Homestuck. The three-way romance between him, Karkat, and Jade goes in very different directions on either side, which I'll discuss a bit later. The epilogues even made Dave x Karkat an actually decent ship, how crazy is that??? The writers deserve a big badge of honor for doing that. Not sure what to say about specific things, but Dave was really well-written in an unexpected way.

Rose Lalonde: Again not sure what to say about anything in specific. Just really enjoyed reading Rose on both sides of the story. Shoutout to the heartwarming moment with John near the end.

A-TIER

Oh boy. Oh boy. Time for the big guns.

Vriska Serket: My mind hurts to process just how good Vriska's appearance in Candy was, after leaving the Furthest Ring and landing on Earth. First she talks with John rather aggravated, then she brutally murders Gamzee, then she sits down and has an honest talk with her ectobiological clone raised by Rose and Kanaya, and in the end gets in touch with Terezi which leads to a cliffhanger. The story somehow created the PERFECT balance of sincere reflections and typical Vriska flavor, which was deeply lacking in A6A6I5 with its horrific polar opposite versions of Vriska. Two Vriskas converse once again late in Candy and this time it's incredibly endearing and almost feels like an apology for the controversial Vriska/Vriska encounter back then. I accept the apology with open arms. Why is everything always so wonderful?

John Egbert: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3. WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL? John gets a deep meaningful existential crisis arc in both epilogues; both cases I easily latched onto and found a bit of myself in. I absolutely loved seeing him and Terezi interact as a duo of people with some perception of canonicity; I'll get back to that point soon enough. John's marriage to Roxy not working out is a testament to both his issues with canon and Roxy's issues dealing with harsh situations. Roxy latches onto John and their son as a huge carefree pushover and he doesn't like that at all. And that's actually cool with me because John x Terezi is better in every way, as the epilogues made me realize. If that wasn't enough, the end of Candy spoils our little hearts by having John reconcile with Roxy anyway and give hope for a better future. Though a part of me does want to see a true happy ending where John and Roxy date with their delightful dynamic from their first interactions, I'm beyond pleased with the epilogues' handling of John either way. Swaying deep into some rather sad territory while remaining 100% faithful to his character that I've always loved so much.

Terezi Pyrope: FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES. Every scene with Terezi in the epilogues was so goddamn awesome. Her interactions with John were such a blast to read, with exactly the mix of humor and touching aspects that make both of the big John/girl ships what they are. How did the authors pull it off, making deeply emotional scenes without ever sacrificing that goofy Terezi flavor???

S-TIER

S in rating systems these days is way misused in my eyes. Normally A is meant to be the highest rating and S is used for the very rare absolutely exceptional case A doesn't do justice. But now you see shit like SS, SSS, SSSS everywhere like one S isn't the ultimate badge of honor? S is a rating I'd gladly give Detective Pony and may or may not give cool and new web comic. Same goes for my very favorite Futurama episodes. I'd give a few of Neil Cicierega's works that rating if I'm feeling up to it. In this post, I've reserved the S rating for:

Barack Obama: THE BEST PART OF THE EPILOGUES, HANDS DOWN. His conversation with Dave near the end of Candy is perfect in every way, it really transcends words. Humor, emotional touching, plot revelations, and straight up "Homestuck feel" are blended into the most delicious melting pot imaginable. When Dave confesses that he might be gay and explains troubles in his three-way romance, Obama responds with a truly inspiring speech about identity that raises an excellent point about the differences between the epilogues involving aspects of people that may seem immutable to some. I think Obama's speech leaves a powerful message I never expected Homestuck of all things to convey so well. I hope readers take that speech's message into account, though I know many will probably be a bit naive about it.

If you refuse to read the epilogues at all costs, then I implore you to read Dave and Obama's conversation anyway. You won't be disappointed.

CONCLUSION

epilogues good

that’s all there is to say on the matter

though if you don’t like them that’s also fine

[yuzurk]

「 Interview with a Mun 」  ⇢ RK Anniversary Solo ( + 5 SP ! ) ⇢ featuring all muses that Jen has ever had in Rookies

“ Who is ready for things to get buck-wild?! ”

Yuju: hi! this is yuzu and you’re watching choi’s choice! Mun: liiiiieeees Jkook: liar liar panties on fire! Jieun: oh lord- Soyeon: this is madness- why do I have to be here again? Yuju: now now guys! we’re here to interview Jen! Jackson: ohhhh this will be fun! Mun: I’m scared- Yuju: well first of- maybe Jieun eonni should have a go! she was the first, right? Jieun: ye the first and the oldest-  Mun: pfff Jieun: you’re my age! Don’t you dare laugh woman! Mun: I ain’t said nuffin~~~ Jieun: *sigh* anyway! It’s been five years huh? You were in rookies for majority from it’s opening time, no? Mun: you could say that yes. I think I joined sometime.... january 2014? right after the first season of the mgas Jieun: and daehyun’s mun dragged you in Mun: ohhhh yes he did. he tried to make me join even earlier, in december already when it just opened. I’d been complaining to him how bad things were for me in indie rp. I’d never been in a closed directory before at that time and I was kind of scared I’d lose contact to all the folks I was writing with by limiting myself. Jieun: buuuut you found your way in quickly, no? Mun: I guess you could say that xD still kind of funny to me that your first collab partner was a yoongi when I didn’t even rly care bout bts back then.... Jackson: we’re getting off topic! Mun: okay okay yes. sure. I get it. so yeah... Jieun was around for a while... I was very bad at handling multiple muses back then but some folks talked me into bringing jackson to life- well he was Tao on his first run before I decided to change his face when I brought him in during his second run xP Jackson: *sheds manly tears* the abandonment Mun: oh come oooon! you got your happy ending! Jackson: thaaat’s true! even if I had to suffer through a bisexual crisis Jieun & Soyeon: *rolls eyes* Jackson: oh look who’s rolling her eyes there! the girl who took my spot! Soyeon: wanna pick a fight?! Mun: there there kids. no fighting~ Soyeon: tch Jieun: sooooo the little spitfire was your third muse, right? She ultimately won out against Jackson and you brought her in? Mun: yup! She was a pretty consistent muse even if I went through 4 face changes for her orz First Jimin from AOA, then Heeo from 4ten and Chaeyeong from Twice- dunno the order anymore xD I think first Chaeyeong and then Heeo? Either way I settled on Soyeon eventually and was happy with that! She was honestly a pretty controversial muse. I clashed on alot with her but I still love her dearly ♥ Soyeon: tch, so cheesy Mun: you’re still smiling though~ Soyeon: ye ye whatevs Jieun: and for a good span of one- two years you were doing fine, right? Mun: yup! and then rookies allowed folks to have a third muse! I still remember how mira jumped right at me to tell me the news xD she knew how many muses I had swirling around my brain but I wasn’t sure if I could handle another one... JKook: and then there was me! The meme son! Mun: yeah the meme son xD my sweet prodigy photographer~ JKook: heh. kek Yuju: kek Jieun: can you two kids stop with the gamer stuff for just one sec?! Mun: I think it’s funny uwu jeongguk in general was a muse that made me roll on the floor with laughter. I love and adore him for the sole reason he didn’t want to be an idol at all. He was set on photography and had his own issues with his dad. even after I angsted him up (and lowkey gave him a bisexual crisis as well)  JKook: I STILL HATE YOU FOR THAT! Mun: you loooove me! Anyway! I was doing well juggling three muses for a while but then things... changed around me. I was moving on mentally. Last year summer I just felt... dis-attached to everything and everyone. I knew I needed space and time to just... clear my head, move on to new adventures and find myself again. I’d been a personality here for so long with a reputation I felt no longer fitted me. So I did what I had to and I... left ^^; Yuju: And y’stayed away for a whole of 8 months, almost a whole year. So I’m here to ask ya the golden question: why did ya come back? Mun: first of all- the bro-squad chat. I was still kind of in there here and there and one of my ooc friends is in it too so I was never not rly up to date with what was happening? And then I watched pd48 with a friend and it gave me muse for the idol theme again. I had my muse and I just needed a face. I picked Yuju at first but I fell in love with Yena throughout the show and she fits perfectly to my muse. So here I am with this little whirlwind~ back on stage for a good show! Yuju: you got it! Jieun: I’m curious though- Jackson: not just you, Jieun. Jieun: if you could bring one of us back? Would you do it? And who would it be? Mun: Jieun’s arc in rookies is over. Bub you’re happy with your career and your life right now. You function as an npc for Yuju anyway since you guys are cousins. Jackson your arc is over too. You’re happy and big in the model business right now. Jackson: you got it~ Mun: dork xD Soyeon is happy as well. She’s successfully making her degree at university and has been working on building up her own studio to teach kids martial arts. So.... JKook: me? Why- Mun: I feel like I left your story unresolved in many ways. I always had a lot of fun writing for you. If given the chance I’d like to explore it a bit more. Yuju: but for now all yer attention’s on meeee, right?! JKook: YAH! Yuju: >P fyte me! JKook: you wanna go?! Mun: xD the fact I made the two of you best friends might make it difficult for me to play you both out in rookies but I can’t say I wouldn’t like to give it a try ^^ Yuju: so comin’ back here, and considerin’ all that’s happened during the past five years- what would yer final words be to sum up how y’feel bout rookies?! Mun: I’d have to say that it’s been wild, it is wild and it’s going to be wild for many years to come~ I wish people would be less competitive and see the rp for what it is: a place to write creatively together and have fun. buuut that’s just my two grains of salt added to the dish ^^ I’m looking forward to see what kinda stuff the mods will keep throwing at us basically and I hope things will continue on peacefully! Jieun: I guess that concludes the intervie- Yuju: hey hey! My stage! My closing! Jieun: *sighs deeply* JKook: well guess that’s it! BYE! Yuju: YAH!!!

[badnovels]

Did I miss the porn!Peeta fic posting? Because there are few things that would upset me more than if I missed one of your fics about a porn!Peeta. Just that phrase makes me tingly. #everlark #it'sbeensolong #butnorush #lyingtho

No, you haven’t missed anything! It’s below the cut. 

—

“He’s being a real bitch today,” Glimmer complained. She left a trail of her namesake across the floor as she stalked down the hallway. Her beautiful face, heavily made-up to appear flawless on screen, was mutinous. Her body was covered in a sheer peignoir that was dripping glitter as she walked, and her surgically enhanced breasts pointed rosy-tipped nipples at Katniss, which she studiously tried to ignore as she replied to an email on her phone.

“Sorry.” Katniss shrugged and finally met the other girl’s eyes. She slipped her phone in her back pocket and sighed. “You know I don’t control him. No one can.” 

To say that Peeta Mellark was an unstoppable force was an understatement. That anyone believed she had any real sway over him was laughable on a good day, but today wasn’t going to be a good day, because yesterday? Peeta caught her doing something she’d sworn never to do.

He hadn’t spoken to her since. 

And considering he didn’t go one hour without texting or calling or giving her some sort of order…well. Katniss wasn’t about to start making any demands on his schedule. He’d sent her one line this morning: studio @ nine. When she’d arrived, he was sequestered in a room that was already shooting a scene, and she’d been loitering in the hallway like a troll ever since. 

“Oh, whatever,” Glimmer said with a derisive frown. “You’re his precious…” Katniss stared at her. “…personal assistant,” she finished with a little more respect. “You could at least give us a heads up. I hate when he crashes in like this.”

“Look. He owns the production company,” Katniss said. She drank deeply from the tepid cup of coffee in her hand and grimaced. Peeta liked it sugar-sweet and full of cream, the opposite of her preference, but she needed fortification this morning if she were going to deal with a confrontation with temperamental talent. “He can show up whenever he wants.”

“Yeah, but I thought he was above all…this…now.” Glimmer gestured vaguely with her hands. “He can just sit back and relax while we make money for him on our backs.”

She choked during her next long sip. “You make him sound like a pimp.”

“If the shoe fits! It’s ridiculous how he storms in here-” The words cut off like a scratched record, and Katniss didn’t have to turn to know why.

“For your information,” Peeta said, taking the coffee cup from Katniss’ hand without acknowledging her. “A pimp wouldn���t pay you nearly as well as I do.”

“I didn’t mean…I just meant…” Glimmer stammered, backing away.

“Maybe if you put as much passion into your scenes as you do talking shit about me, we wouldn’t have to do so many reshoots,” he said. His trademark blue eyes were cold.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“Go cry it out in the dressing room,” he said. “When you come back, I expect you to be professional and ready to nail your scenes. Literally.”

Glimmer fled. Katniss cleared her throat.

“That was unnecessary, don’t you think?” She tried as hard as she could to sound normal.

“Don’t even start,” Peeta warned, his voice low. He lifted the cup and glared at the lip gloss-stained rim. “You had to drink my fucking coffee?”

“I drink it every morning. Out of spite.”

“Why’d you do it?” he asked suddenly, throwing the half-full cup into the trash.

“Well.” She chewed on her lip and looked at the wall behind him. “I really didn’t know you were that serious about your coffee.”

“Don’t.”

Katniss exhaled and closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe he was actually going to bring it up. Why couldn’t they just quietly go about ignoring unsaid things? It worked for them. 

“Do you really have to do this right now?” she mumbled, turning away. She had a hard time meeting his eyes. “Let it go.”

“I had one request. One rule,” Peeta said, grasping her arm and pulling her back toward him. “Look at me.”

She reluctantly did as he asked, her face burning.

“I asked you not to watch my films,” he said slowly, “because of this. Right here.”

“This, what?”

He gave her a resentful look, his handsome face showing the true depth of his anger. He didn’t look like a polished, successful entrepreneur at that moment. He didn’t look like the funny, humble man that he was sometimes with her in private, a hard-won intimacy and friendship she’d developed as the person who looked after his every need for the past three years. Peeta now looked like the raw, brutish person who fought his way up from a dodgy, orphaned childhood, where he transitioned from a homeless teen to an edgy adult film star who specialized in controversial, rough kink.

“This. Where you can barely talk to me. Where you treat me like I’m something to be ashamed of,” he said, voice hard.

“Jesus!” she exclaimed. “Do you really think I’m that much of a prude? I work for the owner of a porn company.”

“You’re my assistant because you had no choice,” Peeta reminded her with a curl of his upper lip. “You’d be on the first flight outta LA if you’d had any other options. You took this job because you were broke and desperate, and Prim begged me for the favor.”

“That’s really low.” Disbelief flared, taking the place of embarassment. “Don’t bring my sister into this.”

“Why not?” he taunted her, his beautiful smile unkind and cruel.

“Because…” She was speechless with anger and confusion and hurt. This was all spiraling so out of control. They were breaking every one of their rules, even the unspoken ones.

“Just say it.” He stepped into her space, crowding her against the wall. “It’s because I fucked her? Years ago? Aw.” He was all faux-solicitousness. “It was just for the movies, sweetheart.”

Katniss’ vision blurred. “No.” The sudden outrage made her shake, and another emotion, something sharper and brighter and painful, made her eyes burn. “Because you dragged her into this shit.”

His laugh was a bitter, brittle thing. “Now we get to the truth. The shit.” He was so close now that their foreheads were practically touching. “The disgusting porn industry that Katniss Everdeen is so far above. Who cares that it pays your bills every month.”

She pushed him, but he didn’t move. Peeta was big, and hard, and though he didn’t have a reason to keep his body in the same peak physical condition he needed back when he starred in the movies that he now produced, he was just as buff as he’d ever been.

“You’re putting words into my mouth. She’s my baby sister. I wanted…I wanted something else. I wanted her to go to school. To be a doctor. And then she met you, and the next thing I know, she’s banging people on screen and changing her name to Rose Deen.”

“I didn’t make her do anything. She asked me for a foot in the door. And she’s successful. She’s happy,” Peeta gritted out. “Prim’s my friend. I’d never hurt her, not then. Not now.”

“It doesn’t hurt that you’re making a heavy profit off of her now, either,” she said meanly, regretting it instantly when a flash of hurt that swiftly turned to anger crossed his face. God, envy made her a bitch. “Wait-”

“It’s fine.” He gave her a blank look, the kind he sent to people who didn’t matter. “It’s time to watch the dailies. You’re coming with me.”

“But I don’t do that,” she protested feebly, flustered from both the request and what she had just said to him. “Finnick usually does that with you.”

“Okay. You can do it. Or you can quit. It’s up to you,” he said, staring at her. He wasn’t throwing a tantrum. He wasn’t being a dick. He was matter-of-fact, like he didn’t care whether she walked out of the studio doors or not.

“All right,” Katniss muttered, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Look. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been good to Prim. And that it was just business.”

“Don’t be sorry. Do your job.”

Peeta turned on his heel and stalked down the hall. She struggled to keep up with him, ignoring the sympathetic grimaces that actors and crew members gave her as she hustled past. Normally she was on the other end of this particularly unpleasant stick, the one to give reassuring looks to the people that Peeta blistered on a daily basis.

Finnick turned and stared at them when Katniss trailed behind Peeta into the editing room.

“Boy. You two look like you’ve been through some things,” he observed. His copper hair gleamed to perfection, and his skin shone with good health under the same lights that made Katniss look like a hag. She hated him, and not just because of his beauty. It was for the same reason she harbored a secret, horrifying little anger at her own sister: Finnick had once gotten to touch Peeta Mellark, even if it was on film.

Katniss glared at him while Peeta examined something on one of the screens. 

“Hmm.” Her nemesis took a bite from an apple and leaned back in his computer chair, addressing Katniss. “Exactly why am I being blessed with your presence, tiny?”

“Ask my demon overlord.” She plopped down on the couch that was against the wall and then frowned. “I’m not sitting on any DNA right now, am I?”

“Casting couches are in the room next door,” Finn said with a leer. “It’s where you did your interview, actually.”

“Ugh! Shut up.” For a moment she forgot she was in a fight with her boss. “Peeta! Tell him to stop lying.”

“Don’t torment my assistant,” he said curtly. Then he sat down next to her on the couch, his thigh touching hers. “That’s my personal privilege. Now roll on the footage from this morning.”

Finn cast a doubtful look her way that was mixed with disdain. She knew he mostly considered her an annoying little prude who got in the way of his friendship and personal time with Peeta, but to hell with him. She was here because she was asked and she wasn’t going to be intimidated by the likes of a former porn star named King Badcock.

“Yeah…um.” Katniss gestured at the bank of screens, refusing to be cowed by Finn. “Play it.”

And then something happened.

What ensued was the most uneasy two hours of her life. She’d seen her fair share of cock and vagina before, especially as Peeta’s employee, but this was raw and up-close and technical. And it was discussed in great detail, paused and analyzed, all while the heat from Peeta’s body was touching hers. She couldn’t explain it, couldn’t even put it into words, but hearing words like ‘cum shot’ and ‘squirting’ dropped from such a beautiful mouth in such a dry, deadpan voice was doing something to her that no amount of actual porn had ever done. So she sat there in quiet, squirming agony while Peeta and Finn talked around her.

Her leg was jiggling with nervous energy when Peeta landed a heavy hand on her knee.

“Like I was saying,” he said as if nothing had changed. “Zoom in right there, Finn. Yeah.”

Katniss stiffened and looked at his profile, but he just continued to speak to his partner. His fingers were there, splayed on her skin, and it was somehow the most vulgar sight she’d ever seen. He might as well have been nine inches deep in her pussy, she was so turned on– turned on and furious at herself for her reaction.

“Peeta.”

He and Finn both turned to look at her, their expressions odd. She could only imagine what they saw. She was hot, and if she wasn’t sweating she soon would be. Any second she was going to come right out of her skin. 

“Yes?” he asked.

“I need.” She stopped and started and rubbed her face, stuttering. “I need…I need to talk to you.”

He stared at her. Saw something in her countenance. Then he looked at Finn. “Get out.”

“You serious?” Finnick said, visibly annoyed. “You called me into the studio early, talking shit about being on a time constraint. And now-’

“Get. Out.”

He got out.

“Well?” Peeta finally asked in the long moment that followed Finnick’s departure.

“I…” She tripped over her tongue.

Silence. Then, “You look like you want be fucked.” This was delivered coolly, deadpan, but he couldn’t quite hide the undercurrent of something like astonishment.

“You’re so arrogant,” she said, her hand shaking. Katniss stood, but his strong hands found her hips, and he pulled her down to sit on his lap. She wasn’t even surprised. It was a Wednesday afternoon and she was sitting on Peeta Mellark’s denim-covered erection, and it felt as natural as breathing.

“Do you?” he asked into her ear. “Just say the word. Say anything, Kat.” She held back a moan. “I’ll be your dirty little secret. Your nasty, trashy porn star.” He bit the shell of her ear and Katniss squeaked. Squeaked. “I’ll be whatever you want, just tell me what you want.”

“I want you,” she whispered. And she really did. Despite the history with her sister, the fact that she worked for him, that they could barely go a day without bickering…she wanted Peeta Mellark with an intensity that scared her. 

She thought he’d explode into action at her words. If it had been one his movies, he’d have torn her dress straight down the back. He’d rip her underwear with his bare hands and pound into her, then and there.

Instead, it was a painfully slow seduction that followed. He lifted her up, turned her to face him, and looked at her.

“You’re so damn pretty,” he said almost angrily. He fingers were at contrast to his voice, gentling gliding over the rise of her cheekbones. “I don’t understand…I don’t know why it feels like this. I’ve seen so many beautiful women. Nicer women.”

“Charmer.”

“I don’t want beautiful. Or nice, I guess,” he said. “I want you. With your sour patch tongue and mean eyes and sweet lips…god, your fucking lips.”

Peeta kissed her. His tongue swept her mouth, and she allowed it, giving back the energy he was infusing into her. His hands ran down her arms as if to give her warmth, but then they were working on the buttons of her shirt-dress, both nimble and leisurely at the same time. Her bra came off and then his clever mouth was pressing kissing down her jaw, nipping the sensitive space between neck and shoulder, and then pulling gently at her sensitive nipple, worrying it with his straight white teeth.

When he pulled his head away she almost cried.

“Come back,” she said, and he laughed in disbelief before scrubbing at his face.

“Can’t believe I’m saying this. But. I don’t wanna do you here,” he said. With his blond waves and flushed face, he suddenly looked more like a fallen angel rather a hardened businessman.“That seems…I don’t want to.”

“Where, then?” Katniss panted, staring up at him with frustration and bewilderment.

Peeta didn’t speak for a long moment. Instead, he helped her back into her bra, kissing her every time she started to protest.

“Let me take you on a date.” His expression was a mix of grumpy, horny defiance and a dash of what she’d swear was vulnerability. “A good one. We can fuck all night long after that.”

“Why?”

He closed his eyes as if praying for inner peace. “Because I like you. I like you and I want to do it right. For once. Prove to you I’m not the man you think I am. That I can be a better man.”

“I don’t think you’re a bad man, Peeta.” She touched his cheek. “I thought…I don’t know. I’m not anything like what someone like you’d be interested in.”

“You kidding?” He gestured toward his still-raging erection. Then he stopped and shook his head. “Let me show you…just…” He held up his finger and pulled out his phone, the one she spent an hour setting up before painstakingly explaining to him how to use it for two more. He tapped on it for a moment and then thrust it at her. The background photo was a picture of Katniss, tipsy and beaming a rare smile after drinking too many margaritas at a wrap party a few months back.

Katniss blinked in pure surprise, completely at a loss. “But you’re my boss” was all she could think to say.

He gave her the squint-eyed stare she had grown to know so well. “You’re worrying about that now? You were dry humping me not ten minutes ago.”

She huffed, purely for show. “Do you wanna date me or not, asshole?”

Peeta laughed. “There’s my girl.”